#we used to help each other man. stop throwing some of us under the bus to try and make a point

[cosmicredcadet]

I keep seeing posts where people are saying "Valentines doesn't effect asexuals!" "romantic relationships have nothing to do with asexuality!" And while i understand the point they are making is to stop conflating Aromanticism with Asexuality, it is still extremely annoying to find people don't understand the nuance that comes with asexualities connection to romance - because it DOES have a connection to it. It DOES have problems in relation to romance. To say it doesn't is ignoring a huge set is experiences that ace people face.

One of the most common experiences for asexuals is the struggle to be in romantic relationships because they are asexual. a lot of romantic relationships expect you to have sex. if you're someone who doesn't have sex then unfortunately that causes a lot of people to lose interest in you romantically as well.

There's also non-sam aces, and let me tell you it's so very strange to hear someone bring up non-sam aros but then ignore the existence of non-sam aces in order to prove some point of it somehow being ace peoples fault that aro and ace are viewed as the same. Some non-sam aces do not date either. they are still ace and they can still face similar problems to aromantic people because of that. they are still effected my amatonormativity.

Aces DO have connection to romance. Asexual DID have a reason to trend on valentines day along with Aro and Aroace. Asexuality is effected my romance and amatonormativity. Sop acting like it isn't. stop acting like aros and aces have absolutely nothing in common. We can work together and have similar experiences and still be seen as separate identities. there is overlap. stop treating this as black and white where one identity can only be effected by one kind of problem. It's naive at best and down right hateful at worse.

[sunshine-theseus]

Meme Girls | Zecira Mušovic x Reader

Words: 2.7k Summary: doing a video with Zecira leads to a lot of unnecessary angst Warnings: angst, poor early a.m. writing request for - @wosofanfics note: y'all i'm sorry if this sucks. it has been proof read but i'm literally half asleep and it's 1:15am. i hope it's good.

“Welcome back to another episode of Meme Girls.” Laughter breaks out across the room as Zecira tries to introduce the video, tripping over her own tongue.

Aggie and I are sat on bean bags facing each other, Zecira between us. We were supposed to doing a football challenge with some of the other girls for someone’s YouTube channel but whoever was supposed to be joining the goalkeeper here had to pull out. That left us.

“To my- stop laughing! To my right side, Agnes Beever Jones!” I give a small cheer and clap as Aggie throws her hands up in the air, all of us laughing simultaneously. The camera man gives us a dirty look, a sign for us to hurry this up.

“And to my left,” I give her a wink when Zecira turns her head to look at me.

“Y/n, the hotshot, L/n!” I can hear some of the girls outside the door, cheering on as well as they pass by, some even whistling.

“Why does she get a cool nickname? That’s not fair.” Aggie complains, adjusting herself in her beanbag to look at me.

“I’m simply better.” A cheshire grin is thrown her way.

-

“When Emma tells you training is cancelled because of the rain.” The prompt is arguably quite easy but we both spend some time contemplating which photo suited it best. Aggie holds up a relatively old picture of Fran, clearly walking off the bus for a game, her thumbs are up, and earphones are in.

“Completely chill. A day to relax and have no worries, spend time with friends. Whatever you want.”

“Nah it’s time to celebrate. That call is rare and I’m appreciating every damn second.” I rather aggressively pull my photo from the stack of cards. A picture of me from last season after a UWCL game against Lyon, my shirt clutched in my hands as I knee slide into the corner after scoring the winning goal.

“Wow. You look really good there.” Zecira’s voice is pretty alluring as she compliments me, and I turn a fiery shade of red.

“This isn’t fair. Z is going to pick you because you’re in love or whatever.” The young striker whines.

“You and the fans with those stupid speculations. We’re just best friends.” I avoid looking at Z as I try to jokingly tell Aggie off, her eyes rolling at my denial. What I do miss is the light that dims in Zecira’s eyes as I say it.

“Whatever you say.”

We’re given a few more prompts before the media manager calls time. I end up winning 3-2, Aggie tossing a fit by throwing her cards at me. Her fake childishness is scolded by one of the onlookers, clearly too serious in comparison to us, but we only continue to laugh as we stand from the bean bags. I take hold of Zecira’s hand to help her up as well but pull too hard, the Swede falling forward as I rush to catch her. My hands slip under her shirt as I grab her hips and both of us blush a deep red as I try to apologise, trying to forget the feeling of her skin beneath my hands.

-

The next few days between Zecira and I are awkward. Between the tripping situation and the comments from Aggie, our relationship had been strained and neither of us wanted to bring it up, so we didn’t talk at all. The things fans had to say under the video didn’t help.

‘Zecira and Y/n are definitely dating right?’

‘Find someone who looks at you the way Z looks at Y/n’

‘New favourite friends to lovers.’

They were funny, sure, but untrue. At least that’s what I told myself whenever I looked at my best friend, dark hair tucked behind her ears while laughing at something Guro said, and I felt jealous. Or when I go to score a goal in training and she dives for the ball, her shirt riding up and the tight muscles of her abdomen flashing briefly, and I can feel my face heat up and my stomach tighten.

And eventually, due to popular demand, I’m back in another video, facing Sam in a ‘Meme Girls Championship’.

“Welcome to the Meme Girls Championship. Today we have the two winners of the previous games, Samantha Kerr and Y/n L/n. Are you ready?” Sam lets out a guttural scream and I simply nod, trying not to freak out about the tingle in my leg where Zecira and my legs touch.

“Here we go. When you make a tackle outside the penalty box, but the other team still get the penalty.” I flick through my cards, searching for the best one, but Sam is ready in no time.

She holds up a picture of Zecira and Ann-Katrin, standing side by side with sour looks on the faces. It’s good enough for a chuckle but I’m certain I can get a better one. I eventually land on a picture of Jessie. She’s dressed in an old training kit, hands covering her face, clearly disappointed in something.

Zecira takes a moment, looking back and forth between the two photos we’re holding up.

“Zecira. You’re in it.” Sam gives her a side eye, hinting at the fact she thinks she should win.

“Wifey Z. You know this is the better one.” The nickname had been a running joke between us for some time, so neither of us think much of it, despite the obvious fact we probably both wished it meant more.

“Mmmm, I have to go with Y/n’s.”

“No! These cards are unfair! I used that last time and you picked Jessie’s one of me breaking my shoulder!”

“Get wrecked Sammy.”

-

The comments under that video are unexpected. I don’t remember doing anything that would elicit any ‘couple’ comments, yet they were full of them.

‘I think Y/n just accidentally exposed their relationship at 1:17’

‘WIFEY? She knowwws. They’re definitely together, you don’t just call someone your wife.’

So apparently, I did imply we were a couple, but it was from a simple misunderstanding. The issue that comes with that is the inability to deny it. If you deny it, fans assume you’re hiding something, and obviously there was nothing to confirm, so we had to live with it.

Turns out it was hard to live with. Anytime either of us posted, those comments would pop up, asking us to confirm it. At games there were fans shouting it out. Even the girls began speculating whether we’d been secretly hiding a relationship for who knows how long. It was beginning to get tiring, especially when I have feelings for her.

I wanted nothing more to just go up and kiss her and tell her how much I like her, then the comments could be true, and I’d know that. Hopefully it’d also mean I’d get to hold her hand as we walk side by side and kiss her good morning every day. But I was certain she didn’t feel the same, so that was that.

~~~~~

It took a week after the video was posted for things to go back to normal within the team and between Zecira and I. Occasionally Millie or Jess would jokingly ask us ‘how the married life is’, or something along those lines, and we’d all just laugh.

It was a tradition between me and Z, that after a London derby, we’d pick a nice restaurant and go out for dinner. Both of us get dressed up and walk out of the stadium together, sign a few things and go. It started in 2021 and we hadn’t missed a dinner since. So obviously that’s what I prepared for when we had a derby coming up.

I had a new rusty orange, satin dress that I’d brought in preparation for the dinner. Hanging it on the rack in my cubby before I got changed into our warm-up kit always made me a little nervous, aware of the casual outfits that adorned everyone else’s wracks. I didn’t bother looking over at Zecira’s space, expecting her outfit to be hanging like it always was. Perhaps I should have.

-

The game was tough as always during a derby, and very physical. The likes of Katie McCabe and Caitlin Foord made it difficult to stay standing if the ball was at your feet and I knew I was likely to come out with bruises from the start. I must say I didn’t expect the black eye that began swelling after an elbow to the face from Lotte.

By half time I looked a wreck, and Emma was prepared to sub me off if they didn’t let up by 60 minutes. I’d lost count of the number of bruises that had begun developing on my legs and arms, even my torso was sure to be black and blue, and admittedly my eye was somewhat hard to see out of. I was also limping, a studs up tackle from Katie landing on the inside of my right ankle making the tissue rather tender.

“You’re going to look like that blueberry girl from Willy Wonka soon.” Zecira jokes as we make our way back out to the pitch.

“Heh yeah, dinner might be a little awkward for the other people around.” I get a smile back before she makes her way to the goal, and I head to the middle of the field to meet with Erin to do some short drills again.

-

The game ends in a tie. 2-2 across the board. I gathered more injuries as the game went on but nothing that wasn’t more than superficial, and I was buzzing to sign a few things and take some pictures with the fans before heading back and dressing up for dinner with my best friend.

Then I see them. Zecira is only a few people away from me at the barrier, talking to a guy. The conversation seems very interesting and sweet, nothing more than a footballer meeting a fan. Until they kiss. So, as her best friend, I make my way over. Why had she never mentioned him?

“Hey Z! Who’s this?”

“This is Tom. We’re dating, nothing official yet. He’s going to take me out for dinner tonight.” It’s hard to be upset when you see the smile that spread across her face. Her dimples were showing and there was a sparkle in her eye. But I wasn’t one to just let someone break a tradition after 2 and a half years.

“Tonight? What, after we go to dinner? You know, at the restaurant we’ve been waiting for a table at for months?”

“N- no I mean right after I get changed.”

“We always do tonight Z.” I start to seethe through my teeth.

“Well can’t you go like tomorrow or something?” I understand Tom was trying to help. I can only assume he wasn’t aware about the years long tradition between the girl he’s dating and her best friend. But I could imagine that if we were in a cartoon, steam would be coming out of my ears and my arm would be swinging, getting ready to knock him out in one hit.

“Uhhh, no. No we cannot. Because not only does it take months to get a table, we have to go tonight because it’s tradition. Routine. We’ve never missed a derby dinner once Zecira and like damn I’m going to let us start now. Not for some guy.”

“Common it’s just one. It’s not that big a deal. I’ll make up for it I promise.”

“Make up for it? There’s no making up this dinner. But have fun with Tom. I guess I’ll go get real dressed up, eat portions that are far too small and drink much too expensive wine by myself and be thrown looks all night. See you in training.” As I storm off, I catch glimpses of the remaining crowd that is yet to trickle out and realise perhaps I should have waited.

Now embarrassed as well as angry, I run down the tunnel in desperate search for an empty room. I eventually stumble into one and slam the door closed and lock it. The walls rattle and I hear something fall off one of them, but I find it hard to care as I search for the light switch.

Once I find it, it’s hard for me to hold back all the emotions that have been building up over some time. I rip my boots of and throw them at the door with all my might. I’m surprised the window doesn’t shatter.

“Stupid fucking feelings. Stupid fucking dinner. Stupid fucking Tom. Stupid fucking game.” The list goes on for some time as I cry, broken up every now and then by a scream.

Eventually I slump to the floor in the middle of the room and sob. My chest heaves and I struggle to breathe as I cry into the ground. The bruises and black eye are long forgotten as my lungs struggle to expand, and I begin to panic.

‘This cannot be fucking happening right now no no no.’ a panic attack is the last possible thing I need and I’m in a random room all alone. No one knows where I am. Everyone could have gone home by now.

My head is pounding. Or maybe it’s someone at the door. I’m not sure. I don’t have the energy to figure it out.

‘I hope someone finds me soon’ is probably the last thought I’m aware of having. But then someone’s arms wrap around me. Their perfume is familiar, but I can’t quite place it as they hook an arm beneath my knees and another behind my back. Most of my surroundings are lost, sight blurred and hearing fuzzy as I try to draw in more air, so I don’t know where I am until I feel a mattress beneath me.

I could identify the medical room beds in my sleep, and this was definitely one. After a few minutes of just resting there, my breathing started to slow and I came around. Newly aware of a hand gripping my own, I turn to the person beside me.

“Zecira? What are you doing here? You have dinner with what’s his face.”

“You’re more important. And, what you said on the field… you’re right. I was wrong in breaking tradition for some guy I’m not even really into. It’s- it’s just…” she trails off with a sigh.

“It’s just that, I needed something to take my mind off you.”

“Off me?”

“Yes. Look, after those videos we did on media day, and the one after, I couldn’t fathom the idea of me telling you how I feel and you rejecting me. I like you so much but I know you don’t like me back so I started going on dates. Tom was the only bearable one.”

“Wait wait wait wait. You think I don’t like you? Zecira, there aren’t enough words to express how much I like you. Seeing you with Tom, it, it made me mad about the dinner sure, but I was also jealous. I want to be the one kissing you and taking you on dates, holding your hand, celebrating a win.”

“What?”

“Kiss me you fool.” The angle is poor but despite it, we lean toward each other until our lips are connected.

It becomes quite a hungry kiss, but I pull away before it can get too heated, smiling at the girl in front of me.

“If we get ready and leave now, we could still make that reservation. Make it our first date?”

-

That’s how we end up hand in hand, waiting to be seated. The satin gown hugs me perfectly and compliments Zecira’s sage green dress.

“I’m really sorry for bursting up on you. Especially on the pitch.”

“I deserved it.”

“No you didn’t. Maybe you should’ve told me in advance but it didn’t warrant that reaction.”

“I should’ve spoken to you about what was going on.”

“Kiss me and we call it even?” her hair falls around our faces as she leans down to kiss me. It’s gentle and sweet and tastes like her vanilla lip gloss. Life feels good when you’re in love with your best friend.

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

East Side

When I Was Young, I fell In Love

Bill could always remember the day he met you. Love at first sight was how he would always remember it from then on.

From years on he would remember sitting next to you on those old playground swings, no friends except his older brother by ten minutes, Tom.

"Hi."

Bill looked up, seeing your expantant smile. He could only return with confusion as he felt something fester in his chest.

"I'm (Name)."

He would remember your name for years on, saying it in his sleep and his wedding vows.

We Used To Hold Hands, Man, That Was Enough

"Your hands are nice."

Bill giggled at your words, sitting next to you in the small flower bed in the school courtyard, waiting for your parents to pick you up.

Then We Grew Up, Started To Touch

You sat across from Bill on the couch, leaning closer to one another at a mere fourteen years old.

Your lips were locked with his, deeming and experimental kiss as you both wanted to give each other your first kisses instead of someone else.

Bill's hand went up to your waist, pulling you closer to him as you both broke away for air only to come back for more.

Used To Kiss Underneath The Light On The Back Of The Bus

You leaned your head onto Bill's shoulder on the tour bus, watching the trees flying by.

Bill held your hand in his as you lulled off to sleep, pecking the crown of your head.

You looked up at him through half lidded and sleepy eyes, smiling tiredly as Bill smiled back before locking lips with you under the glow of the back of the bus.

Oh, No, Your Daddy Didn't Like Me Much

"How many times do I have to say, kid, get lost." Your dad scoffed, holding the door open barely as he saw Bill standing on your porch.

You watched from the hall, locking eyes with Bill as he could see your sadness from there.

"Oh, come on, sir! I love your daughter! I swear!" Bill didn't stop, pleading with your father for one chance.

Didn't Believe Me When I said You Were The One

"I don't believe you, Bill." Your father shook his head, a rock in Bill's way to you.

"You think I don't know your kind? Some 'rocker' tryna sleep with my kid?" Your father scoffed once more, about to close the door but Bill held it open abruptly.

Bill looked at your father with wide eyes, barely believing he did it but there was no backing down now.

"Please! I'm not trying to hurt her, I love your daughter!" Bill couldn't say anything else, looking at you with bare tears in his eyes.

"Sorry kid, answer no." Your father said simply, stern and strong before he pulled the door to a close.

Bill was left there for a moment, staring down at his feet with the closed door in front off him.

It didn't take long for him to need to walk off the porch, hands in his jacket pockets before he stopped just in front of the lawn at a tapping sound.

"Bill!"

Bill's head shot up at the familiar and harsh whisper, looking up to see you in your bedroom window.

"I'll meet you later! Be quiet!" You smiled, reassuring Bill in a whisper before your father called you, and with one last smile, you disappeared.

Bill stood for a moment, hope sparking once more in his chest before his face bloomed into a smile, jogging off to his house to get his things.

But Everyday She Found Her Way Out Of The Window To Sneak Out Late

"I'm coming!" You hissed out in a harsh whisper, throwing your legs over the window sill with an expectant Bill waiting below.

"Come on, before your dad kills me!" Your boyfriend laughed, matching your smile as he helped you down by your waist.

"Go, go, go!" You laughed, adrenaline filling your veins as Bill matched your laughter, dragged along with you as your dad and mother's room light lit up as you two ran into the night.

She Used To Meet Me On The East Side

Bill sat in the old recording studio, freshly eighteen and single without you, barely words through the early years of the 2000's.

Until you walked back into his life.

"You look like shit."

Bill froze, hands stopping and completely still on the spinning chair he sat upon at the familiar voice filled with the same love and teasing he remembered.

Bill finally looked up, eyes wide and searching before his eyes fell upon your dazzling smile as he remembered, older and more mature, still as beautiful as the day he left.

"(Name)?" Bill muttered, a smile breaking onto his face as you laughed, nodding and opening your arms.

Bill didn't waste a moment, getting up so fast the chair knocked over, lifting you up off the ground as he hugged you around your waist.

You laughed, yelling as he did so and wrapping your legs around his waist and arms around his neck.

You pushed the hair out of his face as you finally stole a kiss you waited forever for.

In The City Where The Sun Don't Set

You laid nuzzled into Bill's side in the meadows grass, the sun never seeming to fully settle behind you guys as Bill held you.

Bill wouldn't let go, stealing kiss after kiss to makeup for the years behind you guys.

And Everyday You Know That We Ride Through The Backstreets In A Blue Corvette

"You're crazy!" You yelled, head out the window and laughed as Bill laughed along, the empty street in the middle of nowhere as he pushed the gas.

"You were the one who wanted to do this!" Bill protested along, barely missing a bush.

"Yeah, because you guys did this before in an episode! But I just remembered that it was Tom and Georg…"

"I was there too!" Bill yelled out.

"You won a go-kart race!" You yelled back, smacking his hand.

"Still counts!"

And You Know That I Just Wanna Leave Tonight

"Will you come with me?" Bill could barely hear his small voice over the fear of being shut down.

"To LA?" You asked, sitting next to him on the bed as he ran his thumb over the back of your hand in his house, the house he and Tom no longer felt safer in, much less the country.

"We can't stay here. Fans break in, they stole our shit, they're threatening you." Bill listed off, the fear evident in his voice as he looked into your eyes.

"So, yes, to LA. Will you come with me?" Bill said, completely serious and genuine as his eyes practically begged.

You stared into Bill's eyes for a moment, going over it before you came to a conclusion.

You left to be with him.

What's stopping you from leaving with him?

"...okay."

"...alright. lets- let's go."

We Can Go Anywhere We Want

It was almost a ritual, sitting next to Bill with your head on his shoulder no matter in what type of moving vehicle.

This time it was in a plane, watching your old home country disappear from under you as you took off.

But all that Bill could think was how lucky he was.

His hand in yours, your head against his shoulder and his lips kissing the crown of your head, leaving once more to stay with you.

Drive Down To The Coast, Jump In The Seats

"Bill!" You laughed, jumping into the open roofed Corvette that was parked on the beach in the middle of the night.

"What was that?" Bill laughed as you settled into the seat, feet bare and in your swimsuit as you smelled of the coast.

"The Pelicans! They're after me!" You laughed hysterically, Bill's eyes widening in horror and amusement as he finally spotted them.

"Why?!" Bill exclaimed, starting the car as fast as he could.

"I fed them and they want more!"

"There's fifty signs not to for that exact reason!"

My Love Is Yours If You're Willing To Take It

"You're leaving though." You mumbled out sadly, against Bill's chest on the trunk of his car as he broke the news of the tour when you guys were just fifteen, years before.

"I know. I'm sorry…" Bill couldn't help but apologize again for the next time you lost count. Everything to be with you was going down the drain to his career.

But he had to go.

"It's okay. Got to love you while you were here." You sniffled, wiping your tears as you placed your chin on his shoulder, smiling sadly up at him.

"You'll keep all my love, I know you will." Bill smiled back sadly, pushing back a tendril that fell in front of your face.

"...take mine with you?" You said, mumbling out as Bill nodded, kissing your temple with his arm around your shoulder.

"Of course, I'd never leave it behind." Bill laughed softly, his fingers running through the ends of your hair as he kept your legs in his lap.

"Not even when you find someone new?" You joked almost, but Bill shook his head immediately, massaging your thigh before he punched it playfully.

"There'll never be someone new. Can't be after there's already you."

Give Me Your Heart Cause I Ain't Gonna Break It

Bill held your hand with one of his with his other on your waist, relishing in the sound of your laughter as he spun you in the hotel room.

You laughed, tripping over your own feet as he yelped while laughing even more, catching you into his chest as you two collided into a pile of limbs on the floor.

As Bill held you in his arms on the floor with a smile, he couldn't help but admire and share a kid with so much love in his eyes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@billsjum6ie @bigbootahjudy @ilovebill-and-gustav @r3dheadedw0rld @kiwitsune @V4mpyboyy @novaaisstupid @billybabeskaulitz @yas-v @iischafer @dilfverz @ahswhore0 @graciegizmo3184 @sweetpuffy12 @80s-tingz @ryiana @yuriayato5 @bunnysenpai31 @banshailey @bellastoner420 @victryzvv9 @stxngnr @killed-kiss @stilesandjames @m00nzyblogs @sylisan @lyzit @trixiekaulitz @laylasbunbunny @5hyslv7 @limaswife

[writing-house-of-m]

Till death do us part.

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Genre: Fluff, and some Angst

Warnings: Talks of death, blood and vomiting.

Word count: 7179

Summary: It was a joint decision between you and Wanda wanting to raise your family together full time. There is just one last mission before you retire.

A/N: Who do I think I am, posting three weeks in a row 😂 This one has been a long time coming. I was given the prompt (a long time ago) “She wakes to the sound of you dying.” by @cuinaminute229 - I finally completed it mate! I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think 😊

The three of you are running through the halls. You don't know how but an alarm was triggered and now you want to make it out of the building before a fight starts.

Too late.

Turning the next corner you are met with five guards all equipped to take you down.

This is not what you wanted.

The plan was so meticulously thought out, you allowed yourself to be optimistic, that this mission could be done without a hitch, but you should have known. Better to keep expectations low, right?

You can only hope they haven't found out about the support you have outside the building.

Tony, Sam, Vision and Wanda.

Two days ago

"Y/l/n, you're with Rogers and Romanoff."

You look up from the file on the table in front of you to the man holding the meeting feeling slightly perplexed.

"But sir, I'm normally partnered with Wanda because of how well we work together," you blurt out, before you can stop yourself.

"I know, but we need Wanda outside where her powers will be useful while the three of you get the job done inside," the man with the eyepatch clarifies.

You grimace slightly and it doesn't go unnoticed by Fury. So he continues, "I know you like spending time with your wife, agent, but you will have to spend a few hours away from each other this time," he finishes, getting a few chuckles from around the table.

You smile and nod your head to show you have acknowledged him. It is not your fault, you can't help but worry about your wife.

"How about Pietro? Where is he? He'd be perfect for this with his speed," you try to reason.

Fury is still smirking from his previous joke and keeps it going for his audience like this meeting is his very own stand-up comedy set, "Throwing the brother-in-law under the bus isn't going to work," causing another round of chuckles. "His skills are being used elsewhere," he finally clarifies.

Wanda notices your reluctance next to you. She takes your hand from the file to hold in her lap under the table for the rest of the meeting. The weight of her hand and the occasional squeeze she gives it brings you a semblance of calm.

After the meeting is over and everyone leaves to get prepped for the upcoming mission, Wanda speaks to you to reassure that everything will be ok. She has a soft smile on her face, "We've been apart in missions before, we'll get it done and be on our way home in no time."

Her hand still hasn't left yours since she took it earlier. You take a step forward leaning your forehead against hers while taking her other hand in yours, "I can't help but worry, it feels different this time."

You know she can take care of herself but you didn't want to be anywhere that wasn't by her side right now. This mission feels as though it has come at the worst time.

Present day

Taking out the five guards was easy work for the three of you.

Turns out they were just a warm up.

When you make it outside, you see Tony disarming someone who had a missile launcher aimed in Vision's direction. Vision throws two guys into the air that Sam finishes off as he flies past and Wanda, you can't see her, but you can see the red tendrils of her powers meaning she too, was engaged in combat.

After your quick assessment of the area the three of you spring back into action.

The base is in the middle of a forest deep underground. It's the reason the plans were so detailed, Hydra would have seen you coming from a mile away.

Hiding and manoeuvring behind and around trees you do what you are best at - taking down the enemy.

With Natasha by your side, watching each other's backs, you take down a few soldiers next to what looks like a turret. It is shooting out energy blasts to try and knock you unconscious so you can then be taken as prisoners. Once the area is clear you take over the controls using it to take out a similar one on the opposite side of the battlefield.

The machine makes it easy to take down bad guys while you do your best to avoid your teammates. For you this is just another 'day at the office' so your mind drifts to your home life.

Three months ago

Stirring awake you rub the sleep from your eyes. The warmth from your two bodies encased by your covers provide you with enough comfort to make you want to fall back into slumber.

You are about to nod off again when her soft whisper brings you back to reality, "You better not be going back to sleep," Wanda says, her warm breath that smells of toothpaste fans over your face making you smile silly.

"Of course not love," you lie, "I was just thinking about all the things you needed me to do around the house."

You hear her chuckle, "Oh, I'm sure you were." She pushes your shoulder so that you roll on to your back. Wanda presses most of her weight on top of you, stroking your cheek.

With your eyes still closed she places a few soft kisses along your neck and jaw. "Hmm...I could get used to this," you crack open one eye slightly, "but you missed a spot," you say, pointing to your lips.

"Uh uh, not until you've brushed your teeth, Morning Breath," Wanda says, slapping your chest once, causing you to whine as you stretch a little.

Wanda is always the one to wake up first. Usually she will get a head start on anything needed for the day. But considering it is a weekend she has chosen to come back into bed and allow herself a morning to lounge around.

Now, with both your eyes open, you move one of your hands that was resting on her waist to her cheek and look at her freshly washed morning face.

"Good morning," you finally say, rubbing her cheek with your thumb. Despite her 'morning breath' statement she gives you a peck on the lips and returns the greeting.

The two of you have been home for two weeks. No missions. No dire need of your presence required at the compound. Just you, Wanda an-

You hear the patter of small feet and a few knocks on the door signalling the end of your peace this morning.

Having had the luxury of experiencing it more than a few times these past weeks, you know how this is going to go.

"So, what's our play this time?" You whisper to her.

"I like the one where we pretend to be asleep," she whispers back. Being quiet is detrimental so the two, soon to be, intruders are none the wiser.

You take your positions, relaxed bodies, closed eyes, waiting for the unavoidable moment when they can't help themselves and try to sneak into the room.

The sound of a soft click, notifies you the door has been opened, along with hushed tones of, "Shh, be quiet!" You admire their efforts, they are still new recruits in covert operations after all.

When they are close enough the two of you sit up, arms raised with a loud, "AHHHH!" They both let out high pitched shrieks while the two of you can't help but laugh, giving each other a high five, Wanda giggling as she leans against you.

Tommy is the first to speak, "That wasn't funny!" Followed by Billy, "You do this every time," they groan.

You and Wanda are still giggling as the boys climb onto the bed. "That's what you get for trying to sneak in here," you say triumphantly, "when will you ever learn, huh?" You question as they get comfortable between you both.

Wanda can't help but wonder, "Why are you two always awake so early on the weekends?" The boys look at each other while you sit and watch the interaction in awe as she continues, "I struggle to get you out of bed on school mornings."

They turn back to their mother and shrug, "Weekends mean more time for fun," Tommy responds. The boy, always ready with a quick quip.

Wanda gasps as she moves forward, "Why you little-" she says, tickling him.

Tommy begins to laugh while you and Billy giggle as if you're watching a show play out in front of you.

Once everyone settles back down your stomach rumbles, starting off another round of laughter.

"Ok, ok, I think that's the signal for us all to get washed up and get some breakfast sorted," you instruct.

Just like clockwork, Wanda makes her way to the kitchen while you try and get the boys to cooperate.

After a little bit of a struggle to wrangle the energetic boys together you get them to complete their morning routine.

Before you head down, you check to make sure they are done with what they were told and eventually, you make it downstairs disturbing Wanda's peace.

When you arrive in the kitchen, Wanda smiles over her shoulder at you. Kissing her on the cheek, you take over flipping pancakes so she can finish getting morning beverages sorted.

The boys bicker about their toys as they wait in their seats for their pancakes. You and Wanda sit, passing plates around and help with any fruits they want.

You can't help but feel content at the quiet, the only sounds in the room coming from cutlery hitting plates as well as the occasional competitive comment from the boys about who can finish eating first. This is what your life is and you love every second of it.

Both you and Wanda are in agreement, you couldn't be happier with the way your lives have turned out.

These weeks have only solidified yours and Wanda's plans; officially retiring from the Avengers.

Present day

The fight feels never-ending. Bad guys showing up left and right. You can't afford to think about your fatigue, a distraction could mean the difference between life and death.

You feel something rush past you and the three guys you are shielding yourself from behind a sandbag wall are knocked to the floor.

Vibrations travelling through the floor from a loud roar signals Banner is also here, making you smile with relief. You are thankful some backup has arrived.

"What? You didn't see that coming?" The speedster says, putting his hand out for you to take so you can get off the ground. "And where's my thank you?"

"For taking so long? You know, for a speedster, you're pretty slow," you joke back to Pietro.

He laughs lightly before speeding off, "Try to keep up in-law!" The gray haired man taunts.

…

The battle seems to be coming to an end, only a few brave soldiers on the opposing side are still trying their best even if they are losing.

You take in your surroundings and deem the area you are in as clear before making your way to find Wanda. You follow her powers like a beacon to get to her.

Seeing her take out an enemy brings a proud smile to your face. You can see she is exhausted but will always fight till her last breath.

Feeling your presence, she turns to you after taking down a final soldier. She smiles at you tiredly as you make your way to her.

"I'm sorry honey, I wanted to get to you sooner to show you I was okay, but I was a little busy," you say when you reach her, hands cupping her cheeks, rubbing them and feeling her relax a little in your presence.

"Don't worry malysh, I knew you were here," she rests her face in the crook of your neck inhaling, "I could feel you." The vibrations of her voice against you make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on edge.

You take a short moment for yourselves, before you meet with the rest of the team gathered in one place as you usually do once the fight is over.

Making your way, everyone checks the bodies they pass on the floor to make sure they are fully knocked out, ready to be detained. The clean up crew will be here soon.

Walking towards where the rest of the team is, you notice you are the last to arrive. The team all gathers and you relax a little by one of the sandbag walls beginning small chit-chat. You allow Wanda to fully press her back against your front as you lean against the wall, anything to help with the tiredness she is feeling.

Bruce confirms a silent alarm was triggered when you, Steve and Natasha got to the targeted archive room.

All that mattered now was that the mission was complete, with no major casualties.

Wanda is now leaning heavily on you so you keep your arms wrapped securely around her to keep her upright.

As SHIELD agents start to appear they begin their part of the process so your team begins their trek in the direction of the quinjets.

Still feeling a little tired, you wait back with your wife, who is now sitting on top of the wall, to allow her a little more time to replenish some energy. When she is ready she takes your hand leaning into you again after you help her down.

"When we get back I'm running you a nice hot bath," you say into her hair.

Wanda moves her head to make eye contact with you, "I hope you're taking this bath with me," she smiles.

"Like I'd have it any other way," you shake your head, smiling back at her, chuckling.

As you look ahead of you while you walk, you hear something and see some movement from the corner of your eye.

In that moment everything feels as if it moves in slow motion.

You see an enemy soldier laying on the ground. Their arm sluggishly moves, taking something from their belt and pulling the pin. Your eyes widen as you turn to Wanda, pushing her away behind another wall you are passing.

It all happens so fast.

The grenade flying through the air in your direction, followed by a loud explosion of heat.

Your body flies backwards, hitting a tree.

Hard.

In the last seconds of your consciousness pain radiates through your body but all you can think about is if Wanda was out of the blast radius.

One month ago

You seem to be spending more and more time at home now that the Avengers have recruited more help, one of them being Natasha's sister who you were surprised to learn about.

There has been a steady flow of smaller missions where you then get to spend a full week at home. It has been a good time to be able to get a schedule into place. Creating a normal home life for Billy and Tommy.

As you put the boys to bed you hear Wanda in the bathroom throwing up everything from dinner for the third night in a row.

Even though she tells you it must be a bug and that it will pass soon, you feel worried.

-

The next day arrives and you take Billy and Tommy to school on your own for the second time this week when Wanda said she wasn't feeling too good this morning.

She hasn't been able to keep much down, first it was some dinners but the previous day she didn't keep anything down at all.

By the time you get back you hear her in the bathroom emptying the contents of her stomach once again.

You have been kneeling next to her rubbing her back trying to help her through this as much as you can. When she seems to be done, she sits to the side and you help her lean against the wall then take a seat in front of her.

"Three days in a row can't be a coincidence, my love," You think you might know what is causing this but-

"It's too soon, right?" She finishes your thought out loud, "I know I'm late but I thought that was from the stress of everything going on. It took months with Billy and Tommy."

"Either way, I've already made an appointment with Dr Cortez," you can't help the panicked look on your face. Wanda thinks it's admirable so she smiles at you.

"And when did you make this appointment?" Wanda asks, raising her eyebrows, "Also, when is it?"

You smile sheepishly at getting caught. "I called yesterday, she had a cancellation for this afternoon," Wanda shakes her head amused. She puts out her hand to show she is ready to get up so you help her to her feet and don't let go until you see she is steady.

Wanda wraps her arms around you and presses the side of her face into your chest, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

You kiss the top of her head murmuring into her hair, "No, not today you haven't," you scoff slightly.

She lifts her head to look at you with her chin now resting against you. You try not to make a face but you do. You know you have been caught from seeing Wanda's expression changing so you say something before she can, "If you think you're going to kiss me with your vomit breath, you've got another thing coming."

Wanda moves away and looks at you in the mirror as she reaches for her toothbrush, "What ever happened to 'in sickness and in health'?"

"Oh, I can still love you in sickness, it doesn't mean I have to kiss you," your response is a little too quick for Wanda's liking. "Besides I still remember you calling me 'morning breath', it's only fair I return the favour now," you finish with a cheeky smile meeting her eyes in the mirror.

"Not one for holding on to the past I see," Wanda muffles past the foamy toothpaste in her mouth sarcastically. While you just smile at her comment.

-

When you make it to your appointment, Dr Cortez takes some samples and instructs you to await her call.

You are done in time for the school run so the two of you pick the boys up and treat them to pizza for dinner.

Wanda's sickness still hasn't lightened up, you are glad she suggested the safe choice of a soup instead of the greasy food so you had picked that up too.

She ends up bringing up her dinner and instead of hovering around her you keep the boys busy with deciding on a movie to watch because they are done with their homework. The last thing you want is them to notice and be concerned for their mother's health.

Once you have them settled you go to check on Wanda. As you get to her she is already leaving the bathroom with a tired expression on her face.

You take her in your arms and comfort her. It's the only thing you can really do. Wanda wraps her arms around you leaning against heavily into your side as you make your way to the living room.

Once you make it to the couch, as always the boys are situated in the middle. You help Wanda sit on one side while you move to sit on the other side.

This is how you spend most evenings, cuddled up relaxing. This time the choice of movie is lost on you because all you can think about is Wanda and what could come from the test results.

You don't notice Wanda looking in your direction. She moves her arm to the back cushions stretching over to run her fingers through the back of your hair, "Your thoughts are loud, honey," she keeps her voice low so the boys don’t divert their attention from the television, before you look over.

"I'm sorry, I jus-"

She is smiling softly when she interrupts you. "I know, but please don't worry. We don't know anything yet," she continues speaking quietly.

Your gazes are pulled away by a small voice coming from between you. "Are you sick mommy?" You see Billy looking in Wanda's direction as Tommy pulls his eyes away from the screen.

Kids are always more perceptive than you realise.

"I have been feeling sick, yes Billy," Wanda answers truthfully.

This time Tommy speaks with a follow up question, "But you're gonna be okay. Aren't you?"

"She's gonna be fine," you reply, for her. "We went to see the doctor today, we just need to wait and see what they say."

Present day

Placing her hand to her pounding head Wanda tries to get past the ringing in her ears. When she stops feeling nauseous she looks around her immediate vicinity. She begins to panic when she doesn't see you.

Wanda was only unconscious for a moment and now that her mind has cleared a little she realises can't feel you as strongly as before. It is as if you are fading. Her mind concludes that she has awoken to the sound of you dying when she hears you wheezing, making her panic grow.

There is dust and debris everywhere and Wanda does her best to look through it trying to find you. She feels a breeze pass her and in the next second Pietro is in front of her, "Sestra, what happ-"

"Where's Y/n?!" Wanda exasperates, her worry overwhelming because she can only just about feel your presence.

Pietro helps her scramble to her feet as they both look around. Wanda walks in the direction she thinks you will be while Pietro trails behind her, looking around to make sure they are safe.

"No, no, no, no," she panics, seeing your boots a few feet away.

As she gets closer Wanda can hear you coughing and your wheezing gets louder. In her mind it is as if your light is dying out.

No.

She can't lose you.

You can't die.

One month ago

The movie still playing in the background is long forgotten.

You and Wanda continue to tell the kids not to worry and you should hear from the doctor soon.

As if he has an epiphany Billy asks, "Could it be a baby?" This gets Tommy perking up too.

You can't help but be curious how he got to that conclusion, "What makes you ask that?"

Billy responds like it's obvious, "You and mommy were talking about having another baby."

Tommy seems to have picked up how Billy got the idea, "Yeah, and we saw something on TV where someone said she was pregnant and that's why she was being sick."

You and Wanda glance at each other for a quick second, smiling at how smart they have gotten. Kids really are more perceptive than you give them credit for.

"We're not sure yet. That's why we went to see the doctor," you respond.

They still have questions. So Tommy asks, "But why did you go to a doctor, can't you check at home?"

"You check on a stick or something like that?" Billy adds.

"This sickness has been different from last time and it's come on quicker than when your mommy was carrying the two of you," you explain to the two boys listening intently.

"We were more prepared and it took a lot longer for you two to turn up," Wanda smiles, tapping Billy's nose making him smile. "And because this sickness is a little different, we thought it would be best to go see Dr Cortez. She said we will find out soon enough," Wanda finishes.

The boys ask more questions and you do your best to answer them. Eventually the conversation dwindles and you notice how late it has gotten. So you announce it is time for bed.

When you lay facing each other, you reassure Wanda, "Whatever this is, we'll get through it together."

You seal your promise with a kiss and hold Wanda until she sleeps. It takes you a little while longer, every bad scenario playing in your head regarding these test results.

Considering your track record of losing loved ones, your mother to leukaemia, your father to an aneurysm and your sister in battle, you don't like your odds. 

Your stomach is in knots, something in your chest feels heavy while your eyes burn. You hope that these test results come quickly and not at all at the same time. You are not ready to lose the love of your life.

Present day

You can just about hear the footsteps closing in on you as you cough out the dryness in your mouth. But you don't care, you just want to go back to your dream. The memory of your family on the couch watching a movie. Talking to each other about funny parts.

As the frantic steps get closer, you close your eyes, ready to be finished off. You think of your boys and of Wanda, sorry that you won't be able to see them again.

"Malysh!"

You swear you hear someone voice you recognise.

"Y/n!" A different voice shouts.

At least you think you recognise them. It is hard to tell with it sounding like you are underwater.

You can barely feel it but cold hands meet your cheeks, rubbing your skin. So that's who it is. Wanda rests your head in her lap as your hand makes its way to hers resting on your face.

Quickly catching up and remembering where you are, relief fills you when you see her, "Wanda," you smile tiredly. "You're okay."

"I thought I had lost you," Wanda sighs. "I saw you lying here, I thought…"

"No, no. I'm okay," you wheeze out.

"Try not to talk, okay? You need to save your energy," she says with tears filling her eyes.

The back of your head is covered in blood. Dust and mud is mixed all over your face and uniform.

You soon realise you are not actually okay. You know what is going to happen, how this is going to end. You can already feel life slipping away from your body.

Pietro is trying to reach someone through his earpiece but it seems to not be working.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," you begin quietly, your voice breaking as tears fall from your eyes.

"Stop… please don't talk like that," your wife begs you. She turns to Pietro and hurriedly tells him to get some medics and a stretcher to your location as fast as he can.

"Wanda, please look at me," you request, before the speedster disappears.

As always you are captivated by her green eyes that the forest surrounding you could never compare to. "Tell the boys I love them," your hand moves to rest on her stomach, "the baby too."

Wanda shakes her head not wanting to accept this was your end as you continue, "God, I hope they get your eyes."

One month ago

The day after your discussion with Billy and Tommy everything is normal, well as normal as the past week has been.

Wanda is forced to stay home because of her sickness while you take care of the boys then take them to school afterwards.

On your return you help Wanda however you can and get her to sit down to relax for most of the day, making sure she takes it easy.

To distract Wanda and even yourself you discuss a variety of things, from; getting things finalised with Fury - he says you will be needed for a little longer while they get the newcomers trained, he promises no big missions are in the near future, to; Billy and Tommy's progress at school.

It isn't until early afternoon that Wanda's phone rings.

She looks at you after she reads the caller ID on her screen, she finds you already looking in her direction.

You turn off the television as Wanda puts down her book to answer the call, picking up the device from the coffee table in front of you.

The look on your wife's face is undecipherable as she responds with short answers and verbal nods. You can't tell if she looks panicked, excited or nervous, maybe a mixture of everything.

A new appointment is set up which makes your stomach flip. Before you can say anything she thanks the doctor and hangs up.

Wanda takes in the apprehensive look you have on but a smile spreads over her face, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. Wasting no time she reveals, "I'm pregnant."

Your eyes grow wide as your tense muscles relax. The smile on your face now mimics Wanda's wide one. You lunge forward kissing Wanda wrapping your arms around each other. You celebrate with teary smiles, hugs and kisses. Words of not believing this is real take over as you place your hands on her stomach.

"You're pregnant," you whisper into the quiet room, the smile never leaving your face as a happy tear falls from your eye.

She puts her hands over yours, "We sure are."

-

When you arrive home with Tommy and Billy after collecting them from school you share the news. You sit them down and tell them this is a little family secret. They couldn't tell anyone, not yet.

You were probably being a little too cautious but you didn't want to jinx it. It was an easy agreement between you and Wanda to not let anyone know until at least three months into the pregnancy.

Present day

"Well, I hope they get your beautiful eyes," Wanda responds, "we'll see who wins in seven months, okay?"

You breathe out a pained laugh, "You're really gonna fight me on this, right now?"

Your eyes are barely open but grow heavier as your blinking becomes slower. Wanda looks up to see if help is on its way.

As she looks around you take in all of her features. The beauty marks dotted around her face, laugh lines you are proud to be the reason for helping make, her soft skin you like to trace in the mornings. Especially the mornings you wake up before her.

You feel colder and the weight of Wanda's hand in yours is no longer there. The end is near so you take in as much as you can before you say your final words.

Reaching up, you stroke her face with your finger, you hope you are not pressing too hard, "I love you. Always remember that."

When she looks at you, you continue, "You don't have to do it all by yourself-"

"Stop that. I'm not losing you," she desperately cuts you off.

It doesn't deter you from saying what is on your mind. "You have Pietro and Nat. Even Clint is always giving his advice even when we don't ask for it," you laugh getting a small smile from her until you fall into a coughing fit with blood spluttering from your mouth.

Once it subsides she looks at you with her eyebrows cinched, "I'm not losing you," she says firmly and slowly. "I can't lose you."

"You'll never lose me, I'll always be with you," you say, putting your hand to her chest. "Always." A tear makes its way down the side of your face.

You know you don't have much longer. There is not enough time but you feel like you have so much you want to say.

Your eyes begin to droop close, "No, I can't lose you," you just about hear. Your ears feel cloudy, just like your vision. You try to tell her again how you love her, your voice but a whisper using the last bit of energy you have to say it one more time, "I… lov-" with all your energy dispelled you don't stay awake long enough to finish your sentence as your consciousness fades into darkness.

One week later

There is a small smile on Wanda's face as she dreams of you and the boys - it is you laughing with them. Well, you are laughing at your own jokes and the boys giving you a weird look because they don't understand the punchlines. Instead of explaining you chase them around the room jokingly chastising them for not understanding them.

She loves to observe moments like this in your daily life, appreciating having a family of her own. A dream that had to be dropped after she joined Hydra. For a long time she didn’t think she would find her place in the world. Be at peace. But she found it with you.

Her limbs are stiff in her uncomfortable position on the chair she fell asleep in. Night after night of sleeping in an awkward position has not done well for her aching body.

Shortly after you fell unconscious, Pietro returned with Natasha and transportation to get you both out of there. Wanda didn’t let anyone else handle you, afraid they would jostle you too much so she used her powers to levitate you to the stretcher which she then moved to the truck where the medics hurried to look you over. There was no way she could risk losing you if she hadn't already.

If Pietro wasn't there she would have hit the ground as she collapsed, her fatigue catching up with her. She was checked over and apart from a few cuts and bruises she was deemed fine.

No one knew to check the baby.

Something stirs her awake, as usual she hears the sounds of the machines around the private room and footsteps walking up and down the corridor behind her. This time however there is a new sound, not new exactly but it’s you, laughing.

Once Wanda’s confusion subsides she realises your laugh isn’t a lingering sound from her dream. It’s real. Her eyes finally focus enough on you laughing because of something Sam said who is standing beside you on the opposite side of the bed.

The sound is interrupted with you coughing in pain holding your ribs, “You’re the one that needs to stop making me laugh, Wilson.” It is enough to get Wanda to sit upright, the other man in the room, Bucky, catching her movements first out of the three of you.

“You’re awake,” Wanda rushes from her seat to sit beside you, carefully wrapping her arms around you and pressing her face in the crook of your neck, “I was so worried.” She can’t help but let a few tears fall, which you feel soaking into your hospital gown.

After checking you over the nurse was going to wake Wanda but you stopped her, wanting to let her rest. When the nurse was exiting the room she found the men lingering outside your door until she was done for their daily visit.

You whisper reassurances to Wanda, that you are okay and explain that Bucky, Steve and Sam were the closest to the room when you woke up.

Steve left after a few minutes because he was needed elsewhere - training duty with potential new Avengers. He expressed his relief saying he was glad you were okay before hugging you then leaving shortly after.

Bucky taps Sam on the shoulder, signalling to the door to give the two of you some privacy.

"I didn’t mean to wake you, love,” you say as Wanda pulls away, wiping her tears. She takes your face into her hands, “Sam was telling me to - 'Stop laughing, your wife will kill me if she wakes up hearing you in pain'," you mimic Sam as best as you can.

Wanda scoffs and shakes her head at your antics. She looks at you, really looks at you as if assessing you. You look tired, the bruises and cuts that litter your face, arms and peaking out from your robe not helping.

You cup her cheek, tracing a fading cut there as you get her to meet your eye line, “I’m okay,” you promise her, then move your arms around Wanda as tight as you can. You power through, your aching body not liking the movement of your limbs even if the feeling has been dulled down due to the pain medication running through your veins from the bag attached to your arm. 

Wanda can’t help but voice the deepest fear she has had this past week, "I thought I was gonna lose you." Your eyes well up because of her shaky tone.

"I know, I'm sorry," you pull back, "I'm sorry. I thought that was it, I was so worried. I had to tell you whatever I could." You look into her eyes, the ones you will be able to continue waking up to, thankful you still get to live your life with her.

Putting your hand on her stomach, you swallow the lump in your throat in fear of the answer you were about to receive, "Did you get checked out? Bucky and Sam didn’t mention anything about the baby."

When Wanda awoke the following day after the mission, she was told she was healthy. It hit her all at once about them not knowing to check the life growing inside her.

She places a hand over yours, with tears in her red rimmed eyes thinking about the worry she went through. First the possibility of losing you, then maybe losing the new part of you she had left.

“Natasha was there when I woke up, she found a doctor so fast when I told her,” Wanda recalls, remembering the sheer urgency she showed to find someone. Natasha all but dragged a doctor into the room to make them check Wanda.

"They did a sonogram," she trails off. You look at Wanda with regret in your eyes for not being there, "I got to see this little one for the first time," she says looking down to her stomach then back at you smiling, "they confirmed, everything is fine."

You sigh in relief, holding her hands between you, "I wish I was there to see and hear their heartbeat with you."

Wanda rubs the back of your hand with her thumb, "Would you like to see?" You respond by nodding your head. Wanda checks the pocket of the hoodie she is wearing and when it is empty she sees the small square photo paper on the chair she has been calling a bed.

Reaching over she grabs the photo that is face down and sits next to you after you scoot over making space for her, "We've got a strong one here," she says holding the image from the sonogram. You rest your head against Wanda's shoulder as you take in the blur of a baby in the picture.

You take a deep breath and smile at your wife. "We need to get that retirement sorted, huh?" You half joke, “This little peanut needs to stay safe, we can’t risk something like this happening again.”

Wanda agrees but senses your worry when you place a hand back onto her stomach, looking at it as if you can see the baby. “The doctors checked everything. Twice over, malysh,” she adds to reassure you. “She’s fine.”

Your head snaps up so fast, a small smile taking over Wanda's face, looking down for a second and scrunching her nose when she realises what she has just let slip. You can’t help the happy tears that well in your eyes, “A girl?”

Wanda replies with a nod, smiling tearily, “The doctor thought I already knew.” You move forward and kiss Wanda as much as your body will let you.

A little girl. She will be the one to complete your family.

After a few moments of silence basking in each other's presence, your forehead leaning against hers, you break it, "I would never have forgiven myself if I died."

Wanda scoffs at your comment effectively breaking you apart, "You wouldn't have forgiven you?! I wouldn't have forgiven you!" You chuckle at her comment.

You take both her hands in yours letting out a breath, “So Nat knows about the baby?” You ask in a whisper and Wanda hums in response. "And who knows about the retirement plan?"

"Just Nat,” Wanda replies.

“We are never going to be able to keep anything from her, are we?" You joke, making Wanda giggle.

"Erm, of course you’re not," Natasha says, walking into the room. "You two are always so obvious when you're hiding something. Though, I will admit,” Natasha pauses as she places her hand on your shoulder when she reaches your side, “I was surprised by the news of the baby." The three of you share a smile before she continues, "How are you feeling?"

"Alive." You smile gratefully, looking at Wanda then back at Natasha, "I hear I have you to thank."

"I'm sure Sam exaggerated but yes. Please send your praises my way," she muses, smiling back at you, taking a step back.

“He did mention something about you bulldozing a few trees to get to me,” you remark.

This gets the three of you to chuckle. When the joke passes Natasha asks, "You up for some visitors?"

As if on queue Billy and Tommy enter the room with Pietro following them. They run up to the bed and practically jump on you.

"Careful boys!" Wanda warns from next to you. They reply, sheepishly in unison, "Sorry mom."

Your chest fills with warmth as you push their hair back while looking at them, "It's okay," you look to Wanda before saying, "I'm okay," with an emotional smile.

Both boys start rambling on about all the cool things they have been doing with Uncle Pietro; playing games, eating junk food and something about being able to jump higher on the trampoline because uncle Pietro can use his superspeed to help. On top of that, how fun it has been having 'Aunty' Monica over too.

"So, not one nutritional meal this week, I'll take it?" You look at Pietro with a raised eyebrow. Then continue with a sarcastic remark, "And I see you've been showing the kids how to be responsible with powers?"

There is a beat of silence as everyone's attention turns to Pietro.

"The candy was fruit flavored!" He exasperates. The boys nod at his statement as Natasha stands to the side with her arms crossed, chuckling while you smile at the scene.

Pietro is about to continue but gets cut off by Wanda with an unimpressed glare, "Let's not forget this extra house guest I wasn't aware of."

"I needed the adult company…?" He shrugs unsurely.

It gets chaotic with Wanda telling Pietro off, the boys trying to defend him and Natasha standing on the side laughing at the whole thing. Even with the pain you can feel you can't stop yourself from laughing too.

Eventually your laughs stop and with a smile on your face, you take in the moment.

You wouldn't have it any other way. This is your family. Your small and silly little family.

You are glad to be able to live another day.

[dethroned-by-ghosts]

The Women of Trigun 98

People need to understand how ahead of its time trigun 98 is in regards to women and their portrayal. You can't keep looking at modern media and comparing it. It's the 90s. It was a different feminist movement back then. Back then women wanted to be seen. Wanted to be taken seriously and handle jobs previously titled for men only.

Below is a review of every single episode (all 26) of trigun 98 and how women are depicted in each one. I also added a summary on Wolfwood and Vash.

I'm gonna add the conclusion here too, as a tldr:

In the end, I think I’m just happy that the 98 anime was written and done the way that it was. I’m glad that I wasn’t disappointed by it. I’m genuinely so happy that it has all of these 90s elements without having the uncomfortableness that comes from watching an old anime with outdated thoughts and views on women and society. I think people need to look at it more critically and see how much it gives to the women in the series, in some instances it’s even more than the manga just because they had the time and space to stretch out and expand more. I hate seeing it discredited, or seeing people characterize 98 Vash and Wolfwood as “weird”. My feeling is that this is a collective reflection of people’s view on 90s anime, and not an actual analysis or conclusion from the 98 anime itself. I want people to be able to appreciate what 98 actually gave us. It’s not cheap, it’s not superficial, it’s a deconstruction on many levels, and a good interpretation of the manga and story of trigun.

Everyone is of course entitled to their opinions and thoughts, I’m not out here asking anyone to love 98, I’m just asking that people stop throwing it under the bus for no reason other than a time-era bias that doesn’t even hold true when you actually analyze the content of the anime.

Warning that this is 10k long all together, sectioned into the episodes:

Episode 1. Look at Meryl and Milly, out in the wild, two women on their own, no man around them, tasked with tracking down and containing the one legendary and terrifying gunman, the Humanoid Typhoon, the man who single handedly destroyed one of the biggest cities on the planet. They alone are tasked with this. Not only this, the 98 introduction for them is the "classic" bar scene joke. The men pointedly state "for this gag to work, you gotta-" they are literally breaking down and defying this misogynistic gag in episode one and showing you how strong and scary Milly is. How cool and collected Meryl is. Attributes associated with male lead characters. We also get introduced to how much power they have on their own. It’s something else to have a shounen show open with their two main female support leads being fearless from a bar full of men and then scaring the men trying to demean them. The show literally opens and tells you this isn’t your regular show. Meryl and Milly are powerful. Milly carries a giant heavy stun gun. Meryl carries 50(?) guns on her cape, she carries that daily on her back, she walks around like that weight on her back is nothing, it drapes to her shins! These weapons aren’t just for show, they know how to use them. But what I like is they’re not just badass, they have such a vibrant personality!! They keep approaching “Vash” despite rumors, despite how unsure they are, they have that courage and perseverance to them, and they’re going to do a good job no matter what.

Episode 2, Marianne. Posing as an innocent sheltered girl. She's not. She's a cop. She's on a covert mission. She is fighting for everyone's rights here. She's a good cop. She never needed Vash's help. She never even needed to be in any of the random romance situations. This also isn’t the first or the last time we see women showcased in the 98 anime as fully capable fighters who stand on their own. Vash being all love struck was also just his way to get closer and address her wound, inquire about what was going on. Was he disrespecting women? Did he cross any boundaries he shouldn't? no. The ‘peeping tom’ gag is in this episode, yes, but the intentions were for the injury, and the animators didn’t give the watchers anything either, there’s no reward for the gag (instead you get Milly being very perspective and lovely). Did Marianne express being uncomfortable and he pushed ahead ignoring her comforts? no. A full episode for one random woman not mentioned in the manga, they just dedicated it to her to build on the tone of the manga and Vash's values. (I need to rewatch it to address meryl and milly here, i'm sorry)

Episode 3, we have a lady being THE bartender and master of that space. Is she being mistreated and demeaned? no, she kicks you out immediately. She takes no slander and no drunkards. She is the master of her space. She dictates what happens there. She also clearly tells Frank that she's upset with him, but also never calls him out as Frank in front of others, because she and the rest of the town still hold up their pride of housing him in their midst.

Episode 4, we have a daughter learn about the atrocities her father has done. She is a spoiled girl. She lives in luxury. She gambles (gasp, shock, booing, omg you don't like women being lazy and as bad as men? wow, where did your equal rights go). She learns that she has been living off of money stolen from the lives of others. She doesn't look away from that reality. She's a gambler, remember. She doesn't escape out of it. She looks that truth head on and vows to do something about it, to fix what was done. She also doesn't forsake her father, (and to my memory, her dad also didn't forsake her? either way not the primary point). She stands on her own and makes her own decision regardless of her father.

Episode 5, and I'll admit that my memory of this is primarily from the manga, but Rosa and her lady friends are the ones that hold down Vash and corner him. It’s primarily a group of young women. It’s a mom that gives the speech about capturing Vash for the money needed to help the plant survive, so that her sick son can get better. It was a young girl who delivered the message of capturing Vash to the mayor. This is all being done by the women for the town, for each other.. You have to understand the subtle details that are uplifting women here. It’s a 90s show, it will be subtle about this. That’s how the culture was, women were still laying down the groundwork here. It was brief, but they actually had nearly forced Vash to make a stand and do something, had they not been interrupted. That's a whole town failing and 4-5 women winning, had the mayor not released the Nebraska family.

Episode 6, oh my freakin gosh episode 6. Elizabeth, a gorgeous woman. She is not touted around for her beauty, but her intellect and her own hard work that placed her as a plant engineer, though she uses that aspect of herself (beauty and looks) for her ends and goals, and that is feminism too, idk what to tell you. Femme fatale, whatever you wanna call it. I don't care. 98 made the effort to go out of their way to tell you a story from a survivor of the most atrocious event humanity witnessed in its brief history on that planet. If I may be so bold, this is one of the best additions to all the trigun media currently out. We don’t just see a survivor trying to take revenge, we get a full in-depth dive into who she is. They took the time to show you the grief and loss witnessed by one small girl. She’s very complex in that regard, especially for a one-episode story character. All she went through to find the culprit and avenge her parents, her life. She is taking the path of vengeance, yes, but she is also here because of her hard work and efforts to survive. Did she nearly forsake an entire town herself? yes!!! Women's wrongs!!!! OMG!!!! But here’s the thing, though, they go as far as showing how she recognized Vash as the same person who comforted her, however briefly, in the ruins of July. It’s the complexity of meeting your hero or source of hope/good in a bleaker memory, and realizing they were also the cause of the suffering. She knows this man helped her. She knows she wants to, but can’t harm him. She knows that what she was about to go through was the same as what had happened to her, but here she gets, at least, some sort of resolution. That her whole life, one way or the other, she’d gotten stronger and smarter and navigated life with a goal in mind, but now she gets to move on from it, we never know. It’s implied. Vash doesn’t absolve her from anything either, he acknowledges her pain, acknowledges the hurt he has caused her, one way or the other, despite not knowing or remembering anything of the truth. She has to take his truth and believe what she must to move on.

Episode 7, not too much to say, except the resourcefulness of Meryl and Milly despite not being properly funded by their jobs sndkfjvbsdkfhd not the greatest moment, but they are so resourceful i love them

Episode 8, Hallelujah, the girls are there to save Vash. He'd be a piece of toast with bullet holes if not for them stopping BDN. They also help Vash while he's injured. Also we get introduced to Rem. Is she the motherly saintly figure? yeah yeah sure, but who is following her every principle and guidance and outlook on life? a man and the main character of the show. Vash. Her philosophy of pacifism, something so often associated to women and their ‘aversion of violence’, their ‘nature’ to care and nurture… he’s the one taking it up, he’s the one who is looking at the world through her eyes, her outlook on life, and tries to show others how it can be seen as well. The show isn’t conceited, it genuinely is taking so many ideas and concepts that are generally subconsciously associated with women or ingrained misogyny and deconstructing it to show the viewers why these women are amazing.

Episode 9, a single mom with two kids. not much here, but it's rep and we love rep. Oh! Oh I completely forgot that Meryl and Milly come to the boys’ rescue twice here!! Milly’s quick thinking to fire her stun gun helps hold off the robotic sentinels (or the murder machines that the episode is named after). When Vash and Wolfwood get stuck in the underground piece of lost tech, it’s Meryl and Milly who blast through the ceiling to get them out. The voice of the ‘murder machine’ is also feminine, and that’s also a small nod to women being in a role of fierce protectors, vs gentle nurturing, etc etc.

Episode 10, also a single mom with a self employed job, and the guys doing what they can to help her. What is misogynistic about that???? Meryl and Milly celebrating with the guys at the end is great imo. Is there a gag or two through the episode? yes? And? It’s a filler episode, a little bit more so than the previous ones, and I think it’s good at showcasing the group’s values when they are functioning together for the most part. Vash tries to flirt, and literally fails with his face in the ground. It was so out of nowhere, like they wanted to show him being casually able to dissuade any attention from coming his way by being an absolute annoyance. Kudos to having none of the women fawn over him, heck none of the women seemed to quite fawn over anyone in the tournament where guys competed by showing off their gun skills. Milly gets drunk during the episode, but we aren’t shown anything, and the implication is neither did Vash or Wolfwood, they don’t take advantage of Milly, they didn’t take advantage of the single mom. Wolfwood was found helping her, and yeah, he roped Vash in for a few reasons not directly in the sake of helping, but he justifies it by emphasizing that this would help the single mom, and in the coded language that is vash and wolfwood’s ‘read between the lines’ they basically agreed to be taken for fools knowingly by each other if it meant helping out. Afterall, Vash and Wolfwood are both good, respectful people when it’s in relation to single moms. Perhaps I have a bias in that interpretation, that’s fine. (I know we don’t see Wolfwood growing up with a motherly figure, but he has his own orphanage, I think he knows the value.)

Episode 11, ANOTHER 98 win imo. The independence needed from a young lady and a young man trying to defy human trafficking going on for too long, the complexities of found family vs blood family and what you owe to your parents when they are in the wrong and using you ulteriorly despite loving you. Also freakin hell a full episode for Milly???? For showing off how strong she is? How selfless she is? How powerfully righteous she is? How she takes scalding water that will 100% scar her for the sake of these two strangers? Is this building too much on your 'misogynistic' narrative of women being sacrificial for the next gen and caring and kind and good spirited? Need I remind you that both Milly and Meryl get so mad in this episode? How Meryl points a gun at Vash? How Milly outright throws him to the ground with a punch, unfiltered rage? Are you going to tell me that Milly and Rem are written as weak women because of how they self-sacrifice to protect the future of others in their own way? Vash does that too, and you like him for it. Are you going to tell me Vash is a better character because he has these qualities but is a man instead? I can go ON for hours on how amazing this episode is and how everyone seems to dislike it. Another thing to note is how Wolfwood in particular takes a good portion of the episode admiring Milly, her intelligence, her perceptiveness, her kindness, her anger, her earnestness, her strength of character and physical strength, her conviction, her beliefs, her determination to do what’s right, her unwillingness to compromise on anything she might regret in the future, her self assuredness with herself and her actions. People sleep on Milly, and you have Wolfwood here telling you how amazing she is. He looks up to her. He looks up to Vash. But while Vash is an oddity, Milly is an oddity that everyone admires for similar qualities. Vash and Milly are written to parallel each other in many ways. This episode, Wolfwood highlights it further. Milly and Vash’s good will and personality that doesn’t allow for compromises in morals, that they snap into action and do what is right regardless of the situation and circumstances, they will choose to do good no matter what, because that’s who they are. He tells Vash as much, and Vash agrees about how good Milly is. There’s also another layer here where Milly and Vash get directly compared, and it’s treated as an honour to be compared to Milly to begin with. Wolfwood admires and wants to be like her, like Vash. (this rant will also somehow convince at least somebody of how amazing polygun is, they all love each other). Ahem, I also want to point out that Milly’s anger that had her go all the way to punch Vash as hard as she could, that Meryl threatening Vash at gunpoint and her disappointment in him, both of their disappointments in him stem from how earnest they are, how good they are, and how they’ve come to trust Vash to be the same. I love the distinction, too, where Meryl is upset but feels bound to her job and sets her personal feelings aside, while Milly doesn’t care and makes sure Vash takes the full brunt of what her disappointment (and some of her anger) looks like. It was a breach of trust, what Vash did, but ultimately revealed as a facade he had to keep to make the entire thing believable. I just think it’s absolutely amazing that this show kept the integrity of its two main female characters and showcased them in contrast to the main male characters. Wolfwood also stood aside despite wanting to help, because he knows there are rules that govern the world they live in. He’s similar to Meryl here, where he struggles to follow in his own emotions and follows ‘the way of the world’ in defeated acceptance, but like Meryl, is trying to find inspiration and a way out.

Episode 12, Diablo, Meryl spearheading the defense for Vash. Milly capturing so much of Vash's mask. Showcasing Meryl's strength and intellect in navigating law and the world of men, showcasing how intelligent and perceptive Milly is. Meryl going in to defend Vash. Milly being protective of Meryl, but of Vash too. Both of them being so protective of each other and of him. Vash never belittles them. I could talk about this episode forever, and I do actually talk about it again, a bit more in depth, near the end of this, so stay tuned.Episode 13, a full reflection of Meryl (and Milly) on Vash, their journey, their own opinions that 98 highlights is what colours our view of the show and main character so far. We are guided through them. They are giving us the narrative. We also never see Vash demean them, he treats them with the utmost respect. He never encroaches on their comfort, he never makes them uncomfortable, he never flirts with them, he's kind to them, he cares for them. He knew from episode 1 that they were approaching him professionally, and he might make their life a little difficult, but he'd never cross a boundary with them that may jeopardize their career, or their assignment which they need to keep being employed. Contrasting with many anime, Vash never pursues either of them, or gets the trope of being torn between his mission and the love he found along the way. No, he is genuinely there to love Meryl and Milly as people and as their own persons. He also tries to protect them, maybe brutishly at times by pushing them away, but they take none of it, and they don’t allow for even a small crack of doubt in their capabilities. I’ll just add here what I say later on, which is that after this episode, Vash doesn’t pretend around Meryl and Milly as much anymore. They’ve seen him as he is. He lets them into his life, and promptly wants them out of it for their safety. He cares about them, and has never once encroached on their jobs or on them as people until he feels it’s become too dangerous, and he knows and acknowledges how capable they are.

Episode 14, Little Arcadia, an episode dedicated to Meryl and Milly, and their view on family, on life, on what they want to do, on what the future looks like. It's important. It's not domestic. They are actively fighting to protect this family, and trying to figure out their own lives. They have a story. They have a life outside of what the show gives us. It is important to who they are. Would it be nice to look into that? Absolutely, but that's not the story theme we are here for. We are here for humanity, and the 98 team did their damndest to show us how rounded all these characters are. Let’s not forget that this episode we get Badwick’s lovely mom, how supportive and strong she is, how she doesn’t back down from anything, and she treats her son as her son, and that is, she’s not about to have him go making bad choices or badmouthing anyone, because she and her husband are doing all of this for him, regardless if he understood or not. We also get Milly’s strong outburst to finding out that Badwick was outright harming his parents to appease a stronger power. It’s important to me that we constantly see the women fighting back on what they see as being stupid logic, and they do so by fighting sdfkhvbshdf Also, hello??? Nebraska family women side???? Marilyn is adorable??? unapologetically herself, happy to dress how she likes, happy with herself and her family. Also the mom (Patricia) being super powerful and amazing, this is a point to Nightow for not constricting women to specific body types and shapes and power levels. Btw if you skip this episode, you're being a misogynist :D teehee

Episode 15, Dominique my beloved, but before we get there, we have the three women Legato saves. We are shown misogyny in this world. The women we have seen thus far are free women. Facing hardships, surviving, but none of them had a man beating them down or telling them they can't work, they can't be [insert anything], but here? Here we see cruelty, and yet even our token villain doesn't stay silent about it and doesn’t let it pass. We know why from the manga, but that's not the point here. As far as 98 goes, this was voluntary good will from Legato to respect women. Back to Dominique, she is powerful. She goes toe to toe with Vash the Stampede. If he hadn't figured out how she was doing what she was doing, he'd be dead. He survived because she was toying with him, what a queen. Is the unbuttoning of her shirt misogynistic? Yes, fine, you can see it that way, I won't rob you of that. Hear me out though. She takes out Vash's buttons, he just returns the gesture in kind, it's a show of equal power. I am not encouraging this, I'm not a fan of this trope as it is, but I'm saying it doesn't decrease from her power and influence and neither does she seem all too bothered by it. Again, not my favourite thing in the world, but I'll leave it there. We also get tensions between Vash and Meryl & Milly. They scold Vash for mistreating Dominique, and Meryl questions him on his evasive behavior. Which, if I may add, wouldn't be happening if the writers were misogynist and wrote Meryl and Milly or one of them as a love interest. 

Episode 16, Fifth Moon, 98 style. The ladies make their own decision to follow Vash, knowing all the risks. They witness the second act of god on this human colonized planet. They are not terrified by it, though they also are. It's not 'love sickness' that has Meryl wanting to stay and reach Vash, it's her own will, her own curiosity, her own emotions. Milly grabs and runs with Meryl for her own safety out of her own will. Because what do people keep forgetting? Milly is a protector. A strong one. As bullheaded about it as Meryl is. As Vash is. Wow. Women getting to make different, individual decisions based on their moral and ethical code separate from the wants of any male in the cast. Wow. As much as this episode was Vash facing off against Legato and the GHG, it starts and ends with Meryl and Milly's agency and their own persons as individuals who have their own life, thoughts, and choices.

Episode 17. Rem. Boy is she flawed in 98 and girl do I love her for it. She is the epitome of your 'misogynist-written' caring motherly peaceful woman to a fault who has a dead lover and condones any and all violence so much that she overlooks it. Hit pause for a moment. Let's rehash that for a second, shall we? Not any single person is made to be a mother. No one is made to be a mother. Nobody has that stuff figured out, so don't you dare reduce motherly traits to the female character most likely to exude it. She herself admits she barely knows what she's doing. She's just playing with the kids and pointing out lessons as she goes. Emotional maturity and/or intelligence is something thrust on all women by society, whether they're good at it or not. She has a flawed sense of what peace should look like, so much so that she never properly addresses the physical abuse the twins are going through. At 'best' she never notices, or at 'worst' she ignores it entirely and brushes it aside as something they have to work on to get people to accept them. Does this sound motherly? Not really? Good, you're catching up to the breakdown of the 'perfect womanly image' you thought Rem was embodying but is secretly a deconstruction of. Let's continue. She also never addresses or makes any comment about Steve's unwelcome groping of Mary, it's like she doesn't see it happening in front of her. She's in her own dreamy world. Let me quickly point out that having a dreamy world is fully valid, she is the positive spirit of the crew and their source of optimism, but she is actively not equipped to address things she doesn't agree with despite what she puts out in ideology. She even wants a fair hearing from Steve, fully ready to ignore Mary's claims. Women are always dismissed when they claim rape or SA, and sometimes other women, because of how society raised them, can actually work against the rights other women should receive. I am not saying Rem isn't right, that a fair trial needs everyone to be heard properly, but she's not being the best here either. 

Mary, now, Mary is a lovely complex woman, because by her own admission as she complains to herself, she finds it fun or interesting how Rowan and Steve fight over her, but she is clearly not enjoying whatever Steve is doing to her, and she's not comfortable about it. She easily agrees to accuse Steve and has no remorse about it had it not been Rowan who went too far and tampered with Steve's cryopod. 

Rowan and Steve are both Misogynists. Steve walks around seeing Mary’s body before anything else and doesn't care for any slap on the wrist he gets or discomfort Mary shows. Rowan feels he is owed Mary's unconditional love and at the first sign of rejection he kills her, because her value to him was only in her existence as a woman and nothing else. If she rejected him, then she didn't even need to exist at all. He had no qualms pointing that gun at Rem. I do think he would have fired, he wasn't mentally there for that exchange, and reactions from a twitchy shaking finger are more than enough to cause irreparable damage. Here, though, I do commend Rem and how she shows compassion for someone who is very clearly in a nervous breakdown and not mentally stable, and she approaches him with calm stability that he cannot deny or argue with. She also takes charge here, defending the twins and trying to get everyone into a safer, calmer state. I do think that the 98 writers weren't quite fully settled on how she conducts herself, but the latter half of the episode showcases so much of her strong determination, her personality, and her capacity for leadership and taking control of a situation. She did, after all, save all of humanity with those qualities of hers.

Words by my dear friend, legendofthesevenstars: The fact that they depicted these characters in such a realistic way is what makes it so effective. They aren't caricatures of evil villains. These could be real men who exist in the real world. THAT'S good writing of character flaws and an excellently painful depiction of misogyny. We as the viewers are uncomfortable not because the writers are disrespecting women, but because they've so effectively shown the pain and discomfort that these women are put through by these two men. Not what you'd expect from a shonen, huh?

Ultimately, Mary isn't quite written to be her own person, not fully, but rather as a show of contrast and to show how misogyny looks in a workplace setting, in a domestic setting, on an interpersonal level. Rem was shown to us as playing everything by ear, for the most part, when it comes to motherly qualities. She never addresses a lot of things, including Vash and Knives' fight and disagreement. She just tells Knives he shouldn't have done that, no explanation or reason given. She placed him on the bad side, and he retaliated by going there fully. IQ be damned, he's 1 years old. I have more to say, but I said a lot already and you get the gist. Maybe I will quickly add that 98’s version of Rem and having the SEEDs ship be a skeleton crew instead of her alone with the twins, and having the group dynamic be this? I think they knew what they were doing with Nightow’s spark notes. I think they did a very good job at adapting this episode to convey the core of the themes that 98 deals with conceptually, and framed it in a way that viewers can easily see the flaws.

Episode 18. Bless Sheryl and Lina. Bless them in particular. Before you go and tell me 'but it was an elderly woman and a little girl finding this old man in the alley and caring for him, taking up stereotypical caretaker roles thrust onto women and young girls’. Hold that thought for a second. Sheryl is a single grandmother with a rifle. She is respected in her small town, and seemingly known for her capacity to do what she threatens to. Lina is a young pre-teen who has either lost or is estranged from her parents. She's not your typical young girl in this sense, and that makes her choice to bring back Vash to her grandmother and ask to save him somewhat self serving and reflective to her character and to Sheryl's. Maybe you could imagine 'I couldn't help my parents', 'I don't know what happened to my parents', 'Maybe a stranger was this kind to my parents if they were found like this'. Look, ignore my thoughts. Stick with this: what 12 year old would find an old man in a back alleyway barely standing or speaking or looking coherent and thinks 'I gotta take this man home and take care of him because I want to be a good woman'. No one. The answer is no one. The answer is someone who has had their share of traumatic or semi-traumatic thoughts and wonderings about missing parents and living alone with their grandmother. Maybe I'm speaking from a place where I can see myself in Lina here. I'm not commenting about that in public. Now, yes, Lina and Sheryl take care of Vash as Eriks and get him back on his feet. Please pay attention to the fact that neither Sheryl nor Lina treat Vash with 'traditionally feminine care'. Sheryl is strict and harsh and straightforward/blunt, and verbally gets him moving. Lina physically gets him moving by dragging him around, kicking him about. They both treat him like a normal capable human being and not coddle him which is what a misogynist narrative would do. I also think it’s nice that their treatment of him isn’t ableist either (i’m not very confident saying this publicly).

Episode 19, the Fris & Polo feud. I can't say much remarkable here, except that we get to see Meryl and Milly happily back in pursuit. Aside from that, we have two men fighting to avenge a murdered daughter. Not the strongest feminist rep this episode, but we're here to broaden the narrative from other aspects and cast light on how we now see the parallels between Vash and Rem, now that we know, and how it's detrimental and not practical or functional or even remotely just. It's just the principle to keep people alive and able to speak for themselves and make choices for their own paths. A bad person can't make amends or be a better person if you choose to damn them and silence their soul forever, etc. etc. Oh, I'm not 100% sure, but is this also the episode where we see Meryl and Milly in the office for the first time? We see them not being treated or respected to their fullest potential due to small tidbits about their personalities that they don't give up or forsake for others in the workplace, and I freakin love that. Let them be themselves unapologetically. Additionally, this is where we get the mini lecture from the side character Karen, about “womanly happiness” where Karen doesn’t seem to understand how Meryl would have felt fulfilled or happy chasing around an outlaw, being out in the wilds. This happens in the manga, too. The implication is that what Meryl is doing could never possibly make a ‘normal woman’ happy. I think it’s effective that we see this office scenario after having gotten to know Meryl and Milly to the extent that we have because we see how restricted they are within that space. We know their full potential, and we see others dismiss their strengths, and it’s upsetting, but realistic and reflective of their choices in going back after Vash. In a way, they’d found their freedom through the course of this story, and it’s shown to us in the sense of ‘you don’t know what you had until it’s gone’ type of thing. Meryl doesn’t stand for it when she finds Milly being ‘punished’ with menial cleaning tasks when she knows how strong, smart, and powerful she is.

Episode 20 & 21, I love that we just get an actual typhoon and put Meryl and Milly in its path to witness and feel it. There is something about showing them face disasters together and alone and come out just fine being very satisfying to me. Moving on, we have Jessica. I love Jessica. Any Jessica slander in my house will get you kicked out. She is more than what she is shown or acts to be. She is that hopelessly romantic dreamer, yet another trope deconstruction (have you noticed how many we've had so far???) She gets taken hostage, another trope, except her face is also used as a puppet and weapon against Vash. This episode we also get more Plant rep, and while we don't get much, I count that as worthy of mentioning, because plants, despite being a full enigma in the 98 anime, are still shown to have a will of their own and capable of their own choices despite the situations they are placed in (see episode 6 as well). Back to Jessica, she is not a one note love-struck young woman, she outright blames Vash for Brad's death and casts him out and away from anything to do with her or the Seeds colony that fell 'because of him'. It was also the puppet with her face that shot Brad, the shot being meant for Vash. If Jessica was written by a 'misogynist team' she'd mourn Brad while being held in Vash's arms. Not here, folks! Here we have a woman full of anger, anguish, devastation, she lost her home, her life as she knows it, the one person who was always there next to her despite her fantasizing about another man, and she's directing all of that at Vash. Again, I'm here to support women's wrongs, justified as they are!

Episode 22, a moment of peace and caring. Recuperation. Before anyone says anything, the guys do their fair share in taking care of the place and being parental towards the kids. The work isn't left to Meryl and Milly, they just chose to do the jobs they are most comfortable with. People forget that feminism is supposed to allow all women to choose whatever they wish equally, including being presented as caring for children and/or cooking. It is a choice. Either way, the episode's intent is to reflect a peaceful domestic life. Take that as you will, I can't stop anyone that wants to see this as either misogynist or regressive to Meryl and Milly's characters. In my view, they are exhibiting things we'd never see from them early on in the story, and that's because they're more comfortable with themselves, perhaps, but also, there's kids in need of adults here. They're not gonna play super modern a la 2024/25 style and deliberately have the ladies look down on cooking simply because they are 'educated independent women who are above such roles and tasks'. Before anyone says anything further, Wolfwood is immediately introduced to us as helping out being a chef in episode 10, and Vash isn't bad at it either. Neither of them see themselves as 'too manly' to do tasks that need to be done and need help with. Wolfwood spends the episode admiring Meryl and Milly and all the work they do, he’s even jokingly jealous of how Milly gets the kids to smile. Both Vash and him are smiling and admiring the girls, not as love interests, not in any uncomfortable way. The line “women are a marvel” is really genuinely admiring women as amazing people, admiring women and all that they do, all that they handle in a society, how much they have to shoulder, how powerful they are. Wolfwood and Vash both respect women so much. If one more person tells me Wolfwood or Vash are misogynists.... well I wouldn't do anything, I'd roll my eyes and ignore them, but it's annoying to see so much lack of comprehension.

Episode 23, possibly a controversial one on the topic of women, but again, hear me out. The whole group is mentally in shambles. They are desperate for any form of normalcy, and they also can't stomach pretending to be normal after what had happened. They end up finding a place to take a break in, but ultimately everyone is taking a break from each other and trying to reflect and organize themselves after the traumas. Milly reaches out to Wolfwood, she is sympathetic enough to hear him out, and not afraid or withholding her judgement in telling him how what he did was wrong, even if it was the right thing to do at the time. She listens to him, she hears him, she offers him a shoulder to cry on. Things go further, yes, they're both in grief and seeking an escape. Milly isn't one to just let others take advantage of her. She chose this, too. Meryl also cares about Wolfwood. Wolfwood cares a lot about the ladies and Vash. They're there in his paradise, his paradise isn't complete without them, and they, in turn, have lost their chance at paradise with him there. 

Episode 24 continues with the emotional devastation on the team, compounding it onto Meryl and Milly being given the truth and reality of what they're dealing with and the consequences of being close to Vash. Remember that Meryl has a huge arc for her character in opening up to others, being more emotionally honest with herself, and not repressing her wants and needs. Aided and guided by Milly, not by any romantic rush of emotions, she makes the choice that would have her be kinder to her future and past self, and that is to pursue her own wishes regardless of what others tell her to do, and that is to reach out for Vash with Milly alongside her. Milly, herself, is also grieving and hurting, but she is shown as strong and emotionally mature to not wail about the loss, but to move forward and find what she can do for the people she cares about who are still with her. Both are such strong, strong women.

Be that as it may, we do get them captured as hostages and their autonomy and safety threatened by Legato. Effectively, they are used against Vash to force his hand, not by virtue of them being women needing to be saved, but because they are Meryl and Milly. They aren't just anybody. They are the people left to Vash and the only people alive where he would pull the trigger on someone else's life for the sake of saving them. I think it also shows a lot that when Vash is trying to stop his angel arm, he thinks of all the women in his life (plus Wolfwood). He thinks of Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, and Lina (that’s his little sister!!). It's so important here that, after having Rem mocked to his face, he makes the decision that these are two women, two people, he'd rather lose Rem's spirit than lose them forever. Rem already gave up her life to save him, his brother, and humanity. He can keep her alive in his memory for as long as he lives, but Meryl and Milly are here and alive now. and this is the culmination of all the deconstruction we have been carefully going through across the entire anime. I've said this before, but 98's scene for this is more powerful to me than trimax in the sense that Vash isn't thinking of owing someone or being tied to an obligation (don't get me wrong, i love livio & razlo and trimax and how it contextualizes this decision, but 98 is a masterpiece especially when you remember they were going off of spark notes and nothing else). Vash actively makes the decision to let go of Rem and her spirit and all he has lived by just to make sure he doesn't lose anyone else after so much loss, but especially these two individuals who have stuck by him through every single thing and never tired of him, instead they welcomed him into their hearts despite everything. This is also after Vash told Meryl everything and left, hoping they’d never go after him again. It is so much deeper than just having the heroines needing the main lead to save them. It is so, so, so much more and part of me thinks the only reason people might dismiss 98 for this is because trimax gives more bl angst fodder. 

For me 98 is stronger for framing the decision as Vash fully weighing Meryl and Milly as more important to him than keeping Rem's spirit alive. vs trimax framing it as Vash finally making a choice being due to honouring Wolfwood's sacrifice and trying to meet him half-way in their back and forths. Don't get me wrong here, both versions of this scene are extremely powerful, and let it be known that I have an LR bias (the characters, not to be confused with the 98 town of LR). I just have a preference for how Vash broke his vow in 98 because it also was purely and simply a choice. No battle. No distractions or exertions. A choice. To take one life by his own choice to spare two, or keep his hands clean and doom two lives.

Side note: I saw someone lately say that people cheered when Legato was killed in the manga. I don't know about the majority of people, but I didn't. I didn't in the manga, and I didn’t in the 98 anime. Legato dying isn't something to be celebrated, and the 98 anime and the manga very explicitly tell you it shouldn't be celebrated so idk what that was about. Both scenarios showcase how traumatic that was for literally everyone involved.

Episode 25: I have mixed feelings about this episode, but I'll get to that in a bit. From the standpoint of Meryl and Milly, I find it actually quite interesting in how they are both portrayed in this episode, and there are different ways to interpret it when you consider the horror and trauma of what they'd just survived in the last episode, and the loss of Wolfwood still weighing on them. Now they are faced with possibly losing Vash. 

To give the premise, the insurance ladies find a town to stay at and take care of Vash while he was a) unconscious for a number of days from the shock and trauma, and while he is b) recovering from said shock and trauma. The town itself is possibly the same town that the men Legato was controlling came from, because I can't think of who else would have untied Meryl and Milly and helped them out. That in itself adds a ton of levels of messiness here, and the ladies were left vulnerable to danger even after Legato’s control faded, plus the situation they're in semi forces them to be as kind and pleasing to this town as possible to stay safe. Maybe I'm assuming too many negative things about the townspeople. 

Edit: I just checked the episode summary and it says “a small town well away from LR”, so apparently they managed to get out of that situation, somehow, and get well away from there…. That kind of seems logistically not reasonable with Vash unconscious for 10 days.

I'll start with the interesting depictions here that I kind of liked. Milly gets to help and is working hard alongside all the men, showcasing how strong and powerful she is. She’s capable, she’s seen throughout the series as almost being a jack of all trades vs how her boss treats her at the office simply because she ‘arrived late’, which is such a stupid offense, and he put her on cleaning duty. What I’m trying to say is, I love that she gets to be on the same playing field as the men, I love that she seems to be happy, busy, trusted to work, depended on to work in a setting outside of her duo with Meryl. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We know Meryl (and Vash and Wolfwood) are the ones that truly see her potential and trust her. When we are shown the office boss’ attitude towards her we get the sense that she is not being treated fairly nor put up to show her full potential in a setting that standardizes expectations and what a ‘good worker’ means. In contrast, here we see her almost thriving. She’s still mourning, she’s still there with Meryl, she’s still worried about Vash, but she is able to help by being her unabashed self.

Meryl. I will admit I wasn’t too big of a fan of what was done. I’ll be the first to say that. In contrast to Milly, she’s struggling to fit in, she’s surrounded by leery men while working as a barista, she’s placed into the ‘caretaker’ role. Hear me out for a minute here, though. I’m not happy with that setting for her either, but hear me out. This isn’t the first time we see her (or Milly) working in a job of service. We know how capable and sharp both Meryl and Milly are, the show doesn’t shy away from showing us that, either, and emphasizing it. We also get to see her have that time and space to think for herself, to contemplate what they, what she went through, and what it is she wants to do. She is trying to find her path, just as much as Milly and Vash are.

Here’s the thing. This episode is subtly telling us that the ladies are done (forever or temporarily, or not at all, you can interpret it as you like, but here’s my short take) they’re done with the insurance job. They’re done with following around the stampede. They’re in this town of their own choice, of their own will, and they’re taking care of each other, they’re taking care of Vash, they’re trying to find their space in this world. The events before were, understandably, similar to a wakeup call. Any normal person would have dropped everything and walked off. They didn’t. Not entirely. They stuck together.

They're there for their friend, who just sacrificed something they know he had worked hard to keep in a world that threw every opportunity at trying to take it away from him. There is guilt, yes, because he chose to drop his lifelong ideals for them. There is so much more love. The way Meryl hurts and doesn't know how to comfort him, period, when he breaks down remembering what he'd done. And I like that. I like that she has no clue how to comfort and support him. She can feed him. She can make sure he goes through the mechanics. She doesn't force herself to talk. She doesn't force herself to be traditionally nurturing. Meryl’s character arc is learning how to be emotionally vulnerable with herself first and foremost, and meeting others halfway afterwards. She never got to meet wolfwood halfway. She nearly just died. Vash may never be the same again or recover. She wants to meet him halfway. Milly keeps telling her as much, that she should, that she shouldn't keep frozen and watch the world and life pass her by. This is important because a misogynistic writing of a main female lead would have her be miss perfect, full knowledge and control of emotional control and softness, full fledged ability to care for the wounded, endless empathy and sympathy and ability to adapt to others' needs. That's not Meryl. That's not even Milly. They are both unique, individual women, with their own personality, their own person, they have their own misgivings and failings, and their own strengths and confidence. In this episode, Meryl gets to finally connect her emotions to herself, she gets to be empathic, she gets to see others and put herself in their shoes more than before, and most importantly is she is finally able to communicate and be understood by others. She gets to finally reach others. She understands what the cycle of hate and fear can do. She wants to break it. She does. She succeeds. She successfully talks down a situation. No flashy guns. No power moves. No sweet talking. She communicates, she emotes, she gets through, and she also saves Vash in the process by giving him hope for the future, in humanity, and in himself. He wouldn't have been able to go on and face his brother without that. 

I also don't think that Meryl and Milly were used for giving Vash “man pain”. Vash was devastated for having killed another living being. This is the same Vash who begged wolfwood not to shoot a giant worm about to eat them. 

Episode 26: Rem. She’s the focal point here, to me, and this ties my arguments to the past two to three episodes. Rem haunts the narrative. Rem is a person. She influences Vash in every episode. His actions, in turn, influence others around him. They influence Meryl so much that Vash could see Rem’s spirit reflected in her actions of that moment. She literally is the embodiment of the song of humanity, she sings her Sound [of] Life and cascades it down to the world. Rem is not a fridged female character.

What is a fridged female character? I’m gonna be very broad here. Literally speaking, think of Mister Freeze’s wife, Nora, from the Batman series. Think of Singed’s daughter, Orianna, from Arcane/League of Legends. What do we know about these two ladies? Nothing? Next to nothing? They are literally female characters that are frozen within the narrative. They do not get shown to have a personality, they are not shown to be their own person. Their will, their mentality, they don’t affect the respective male character or others who are related to them. They exist as a motivation for those male characters’ actions.

All this to say, Rem is not a frozen female character. Rem is very much there, very much shaping the world we are seeing through Vash, his hopes, his actions. From episode 1. We may not know she was there, but we see how she has shaped Vash, how he makes his decisions based on her values, how he sometimes needs to take a moment to properly remember her before taking action again. She haunts the narrative. We first see her in episode 4, where we see how far Vash goes to save a life, where we see Vash seeing her in others who are also finding their way, and turning to see that life can offer them a different path. She is a guiding light not just for Vash, but for all of humanity in a metaphorical, symbolic way. She’s the power of choice, the power of freedom, the power of choosing to be kind and choosing to not stand for what is wrong. She’s also a powerful motivator for survival of the community with how her essence and message spurs on that trait in others. Humanity doesn’t need to know that Rem existed, because she is an essence that is present in all of humanity that we get to recognize and see alongside Vash and how it encourages him in a world where violence and life-loss seem to be so common.

What I love about this episode? This ending piece to this show? He honours Rem by giving her a place to rest. He is symbolically communicating that the world, humanity, the people she gave herself to save, himself and knives, whom she sacrificed everything to protect, it’s all okay now. We see, and Rem symbolically sees, though Vash, that the world understands the importance of breaking out of the cycle of hate and violence, that they understand the world needs love and acceptance to be at peace. Vash, who has been struggling for a century and almost a half with his emotions towards his brother, how many times he’d tried to convince himself that violence was the only answer, that he had to hurt him, that he had to kill, but he couldn’t. When he realizes that there is another option even for Knives, that’s when he understands. When he accepts and understands and forgives that his brother was also the cause for Rem’s death, for her last living relative’s death, for the indirect destruction of July, for the indirect scar on the moon, Augusta, for the indirect deaths of many people…. When he finds in himself and understands on his own how Rem would have forgiven him, only then he finds it in him to let her go and find his own path. He returns to Meryl and Milly. He doesn’t leave them alone. We see him happy after so much anguish and loss we go through with him in the past series of episodes. I don’t think the female characters in this episode were done badly at all.

Vash the stampede as a flirt. My friends, trigun 98 is a shounen anime from the 90s. Scratch that. It’s a shounen. You’re telling me none of you dropped My Hero Academia because that one underage character who constantly hits on women and girls and peeps and flirts and justifies his actions. For comparison, MHA ran from 2014 to 2024 and the anime is still going. Anime and manga alike under the shounen tag still run this gag. Yes, I despise it too. I despise it so much that I dropped MHA like a hot potato. I nearly dropped naruto when i was younger, if it wasn’t for the fact that the gag wasn’t used often (full transparency, I barely watched naruto, i vaguely watched shippuden, and my only media interaction with it was the manga and video games). Bleach didn’t run the gag much in the manga either, but the anime bombarded it through Kon for a while, and kept bringing him back just to remind you that it’s a shounen. I’m bringing those examples because I can’t remember other popular or recent shounen that I’ve watched. I’ve actually not interacted with any of these fandoms, just the media itself and not with any dedication or intensity. 

My point was, most manga don’t focus on the gag, but most anime do. I’m also saying I can’t stand the gag, and generally drop the show if it makes me uncomfortable. Trigun is no exception to using the gag, it’s a shounen, but the difference here is it never gave me the ick that every walking woman is treated as an object to be ogled, a damsel to be saved, or a prize to be won. Let me quickly re-dive into this here. Marianne seemed like an oggle piece. She was a cop in disguise, about to crack a case and take down a monopoly. Stefany seemed like a damsel. She learned the truth, she made her choice, she sided with what she saw was right and didn’t give up on that despite familial relations, despite that she was kidnapped. Elizabeth seemed like a prize. She was/is actually a super well established engineer who also had a near catastrophic plan to enact her revenge and justice. The manga itself never uses the gag except in the pilot chapter, which frankly was done very practically in order to get the idea approved. You go up to a shounen comic and you have one shot to get them to agree to let you write your messed up and/or deep story, what do you do? Guarantee an in, and show them what they want to see. Beyond that? Vash doesn’t disrespect a single woman in the manga. He also doesn’t disrespect any woman in the show either, by the way. Yes, he flirts. Yes, he asks random ladies out knowing full well he’d get rejected. I know the fandom excuses his behaviour as a bit. It is a bit. Vash literally only does it when he’s trying to worm himself into or out of situations by getting others to physically kick him out or not care about his presence at all, he’s not stupid. We see him switch from silly and stupid to serious and calculative in milliseconds, multiple times. The show is telling you it’s a bit. Vash never disrespects Meryl or Milly. He takes them both very seriously. What I love about the 98 early filler episodes is that they very clearly establish who Meryl and Milly are, and who Vash The Stampede really is. Vash also learns from episode 1 that Meryl and Milly are assigned by their job to follow him around. He knows it’s a business task for them. He doesn’t flirt with them, he doesn’t distract them, he tries to run away and keep away as much as possible, he never flirts with them, he never makes any unsavoury comments towards them. He even stops doing the bit. His ‘I'm dumb silly ignore me’ bit, after Monev’s attack. He was so worried about them, and saw what lengths they went to in order to protect him, and he stopped pretending around them to be someone he’s not. He doesn’t want to see them hurt, he keeps telling them to stay away. He cares and he wants them as far away from him as possible. 

Wolfwood. I read a long post of someone's review of 98 after they'd finished it, and they didn't want to articulate anything about Wolfwood, lumping him in with Vash as misogynistic beyond compare, or something to that effect, and I was so, so boggled by that. What?? Is it because he got paired with Milly? Is it because they did the bit where she pretended to be pregnant and he her husband? Is it the one night stand? All situations in which Milly was an active decision maker and decision driver??? You know Wolfwood wanted no involvement in helping the young adult kids escape. You know he would have never taken advantage of Milly, even if he was being vulnerable and a bit out of it. I'm not defending him on that point, I'm just saying I don't think Milly would let herself be taken advantage of. She doesn't hold her punches. The only transgression I can really think of is how in the bus on their first meeting he cozies up to Milly and sleeps on her shoulder. If it were me, I would have kicked him off, idk who that is. Milly could easily punch him through the bus roof. She didn't. It's also Milly, her general outlook on things and what she allows vs doesn't allow aren't exactly the norm in this world, or ours, even, but we love her. Wolfwood loves her too. Wolfwood also loves and respects Meryl. They don't get much interaction, but wolfwood never encroaches on her space or bothers her. He reads her demeanour and acts accordingly. When wolfwood thinks of his perfect paradise, his Eden, Meryl and Milly are front and center right along with Vash. Wolfwood is also a character who keeps people at arm's length, and the fact he warmed up and loved these two so much speaks volumes for his character with how standoffish he is Conclusion: In the end, I think I’m just happy that the 98 anime was written and done the way that it was. I’m glad that I wasn’t disappointed by it. I’m genuinely so happy that it has all of these 90s nostalgia without having the uncomfortableness that comes from watching an old anime with outdated thoughts and views on women and society. I think people need to look at it more critically and see how much it gives to the women in the series, in some instances it’s even more than the manga just because they had the time and space to stretch out and expand more. I hate seeing it discredited, or seeing people characterize 98 Vash and Wolfwood as “weird”. My feeling is that this is a collective reflection of people’s view on 90s anime, and not an actual analysis or conclusion from the 98 anime itself. I want people to be able to appreciate what 98 actually gave us. It’s not cheap, it’s not superficial, it’s a deconstruction on many levels, and a good interpretation of the manga and story of trigun. Everyone is of course entitled to their opinions and thoughts, I’m not out here asking anyone to love 98, I’m just asking that people stop throwing it under the bus for no reason other than that a time-era bias that doesn’t even hold true when you actually analyze the content of the anime.

[armpirate]

Soundleasure | Choi San || CH. 18

Pairings: Soft!San x fem!reader || Strangers to lovers, fake dating

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, online sex, ghosting

Warnings: inexperienced!San, fem!reader, masturbation, online sex, camboy, first times.

Summary: You can do whatever you please and be whoever you want on the Internet. And San knew that a little bit too well.

After finally following all the signs the universe was throwing at him, he started living a double life that no one was aware of. Everyone in his daily life knew him as Choi San, the reserved and quiet boy who wouldn't raise his voice, and would barely communicate with anyone outside of his comfort group. But only a few knew him as Soundleasure, the man with a sexy voice and a filthy mind that had their toes curling just with his narrations.

He never thought of the possibility of those two lives ever meeting, he had always tried for them to follow a parallel route and had always played safe to keep his friends from ever suspecting that side even existed. But his plans will start to crumble when he gets a little too close with one of his subscribers and she invades his real-self and altergo's universes without being able to stop it.

Y/n will not only help him to keep his secret from his circle, but will also show him there's more of Soundleasure in him than he'd like to admit. 

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 24 minutes

Chapter warnings: Lip wound, mention of blood, suggestive, making out, petting

The trip in the bus wasn't the best. Having his head getting constantly flicked because he'd lose every game was annoying, and having Jongho messing with him because he'd see his girlfriend once they got to Cape Cod didn't make it any better. He then wondered if it was better to be laughed at because he was single, or if being the butt of the joke for being "in love" was a better bet.

—And what's the problem of being nervous to see her? —Sam called her boyfriend out— The poor boy has been waiting for twenty five years to meet the one, and he's finally found the right girl.

—Also, it's quite normal he feels that way after he's planned to introduce her to the whole group —Iseul continued.

—Babe, she's alright. She isn't the one who worries us —Yunho mentioned—. We all already met her, and she seems like a nice girl.

—Are you implying we are the problem? —Meghan peeked her head over Mingi's seat, leaving Yeosang's shoulder uncovered.

—No, they aren't implying that —Seonghwa quickly answered, while looking around at the few people that were turning their heads at their section in the bus.

—Because we are all really kind and friendly. Tell them, honey —she patted Yeosang's arm.

—I mean... I'm your boyfriend and even sometimes I'm intimidated by you —under Meghan's rough look, Yeosang quickly peeked his head over Wooyoung's seat—. My girlfriend is really welcoming.

—Why did you have to scream into my ear? —Wooyoung called him out.

—Stop messing with San —Hongjoong suddenly said, trying to bring some peace back—, and stop arguing about who's nice and who isn't for god's sake. Let's just go back to being on our phones or sleeping until we get there.

And that way, and slowly, peace was again coming back to the group, with San finally relaxing on his seat.

He hated being the focus of the topic.

—But —Mingi suddenly spoke— weren't you girls already badmouthing her because she chose to get there by car instead of coming with us?

That comment got a collective sigh from the whole group, knowing well that would evolve into another argument.

—Why aren't you ever able to read the room? —Jongho called him out.

—Were you badmouthing her? —San turned to his right, seeing the girls looking at each other nervously.

—Because we thought she was doing it because she didn't want to spend time with us —Iseul answered—, we didn't know she had work to do today.

—Yeah, she's working all the time —Hongjoong mentioned—. When I worked with her, it was difficult to see her anywhere else that wasn't her office. Actually, her nickname was Pinhole.

—Ah, that's not... —Sam showed a disgusted face— You all better not bring that shit up.

—It makes sense for her to be constantly working though —Hongjoong shrugged—. She'll be the owner of the company the second her father retires.

—Wait, owner? —Jongho turned his head at Hongjoong— Sounds like you landed a real winner. And we thought you were dumb...

Under his girlfriend's annoyed look, Jongho's smile eventually dropped at the same time he slowly went back to sitting properly in his seat.

—You better not open your mouth the whole weekend —Sam called him out.

—We're only messing up with him —Yunho's giggled slowly vanished.

—Either way, you better not make any comments about this —Seonghwa interrupted, turning to the whole group—. We don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

San could only wish all that teasing would've ended for the rest of the route, but the only thing they kept themselves from commenting was how rich she probably was. All those comments making fun of his nervousness were a sign of karma biting his butt after he joined Wooyoung and Mingi when Yunho, Jongho and Yeosang were just in the start of their relationships.

A new text from Y/n got to his phone, making him slightly panic as he turned to his friends to warn them.

—Okay, she's coming. Do not say anything stupid, do not make her feel uncomfortable —San warned them all—. Do not... —his friends' looks made him wonder if they were doing those serious expressions to tease him again, like they had been doing all morning.

—Anything else you want to forbid? —Y/n commented behind him— Maybe it'd be better to just forbid them from talking to me.

San's concerned expression made her giggle, shaking her head while she faked the way a girlfriend would greet her boyfriend, standing on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck.

—I thought you said you were parking —San commented, still into the hug.

—I sent that text like ten minutes ago —stepping back, she showed him the timing of the message—. I was lucky the camping was seen from the promenade —she pointed out.

—Ah, there's a pretty bad signal here —Mingi reminded him—. Remember when my mom called me ten times, and ended up showing up here because she thought something happened.

—Yeah, and that was exactly why we chose to stay here —Hongjoong answered.

Wooyoung moved first, pushing San aside to hug Y/n, followed by Mingi. She hadn't seen him a lot, but definitely more than the rest, which made sense why the others were just waiting for her to make the first move. When those two men moved aside, pushed by San again to be able to stand next to her, Y/n's attention was on the rest of the group. There were three new girls added into the group, which she guessed were the three girlfriends that wanted to meet her to welcome her in properly.

—I'm Meghan —the brunette spoke first, stepping out of her line after Y/n was done greeting the rest of the boys—. It's so nice meeting you —without asking or hesitating, she wrapped her arms around a warmed Y/n, having to bend her body a little to be able to hug San's girlfriend properly.

—Nice to meet you, too —she smiled, responding to her hug. Once she stepped back, she looked at the blonde with glasses that was waiting for her turn to introduce herself—. Sam, right? —Y/n guessed, moving to her to hug her— And Iseul.

San already described them, after she asked, so she'd be able to know who each one of them was before she got to meet them. Being prepared was the best way to confront that type of situation, and it seemed like both the red-haired with rounded glasses and the auburn with a bob looked pleased with it.

—We were dying to meet you —Meghan joined them from behind—, San has talked a lot about you.

—Yeah, and these eight crackheads are worse than old ladies in a market —Iseul mumbled—. You have no idea.

—I remember when I first started dating Jongho, I got more gossip from him than from my friends. I mean, a lot —Sam pointed at Iseul—. I knew she stayed in Boston because of an ex boyfriend before she could even tell me.

—Wait, Jongho told you that? —Iseul stopped her friend— I'm going to cut Yunho's tongue.

—That means I can skip all my basic information and how I met San, right? —Y/n added.

Y/n slowly got integrated in the group, moving to one side of the camping with the other three girls. Aside from Jennifer, she didn't really feel a connection with any other women that she could see as possible friends, with whom to hang out or run to whenever she just needed to vent without feeling judged.

As Y/n focused on being with the girls, San looked at them from afar. He knew that was the main point of inviting her to that short trip, and he should've known there was nothing to worry about when it came to Y/n socializing. She looked smiley and happy, speaking and laughing with the girls as if she had known them for a long while.

—Nobody is going to steal her from you —Seonghwa commented, hitting San's arm.

—I never said that.

—No need to —Yunho interrupted—. It's all over your face and how you aren't leaving the poor girl alone.

—And the girls will treat her right —Seonghwa added.

But he wasn't worried about the girls.

They all were nice, that was one of the main reasons each one of his friends were dating them, which also led to them being almost like older sisters to him. And Y/n had a strong personality, she could easily communicate when something bothered her or made her feel uncomfortable, yet her posture was so different from when he saw her at work. It was like she felt completely free and carefree to do whatever she wanted whenever she was around him, or his friends, while she had her guard up as soon as she was surrounded by anyone that was work related.

His hand shook when Y/n turned to him, dedicating a soft smile in his direction and a wink that almost made him blush, but for sure got him smiling like a fool.

Was that real? Did she do it to continue her act in front of the girls? Or did she do it because she genuinely felt like doing it?

He didn't know when or how, but they went from being some feet apart, at each corner of the camping, to being glued to one another fifteen minutes later, with her curiously eyeing how he placed the bait on the hook.

—I told you I'd teach you how to do it.

She giggled at his comment, extending her hand to the fishing rod to hold it while San smiled at her.

—It looks so cool —she commented, smiling at the way he was getting ready to deal with his fishing rod.

Being praised by her woke a new thing in him, urging him to look even more manly and cooler than she already thought he looked like. Grabbing one of the hooks, he placed it on his lip, holding it tight with his teeth to tie the nylon on the small hole at the edge. He was definitely trying too hard to impress her, not being aware of the consequences until that soft smile and curious look transformed into a concerned look and straight line on her lips. He wasn't aware of the stabbing, he didn't feel the moment the hook pierced his lower lip until Y/n specifically told him to stay still.

—What?

And it was then, when he opened his mouth, that he realized something on his mouth felt heavier, to the point of difficulting the way he spoke.

—Oh my god —he panicked, grabbing the attention from everyone near them.

—What happened? —Wooyoung rushed to them first.

—He was tying the hook, and his fingers slipped somehow... and now there's a hook on his lip —Y/n panicked.

—You wanted a piercing, now you only need the ring —Mingi joked, getting a giggle from Jongho and a hit from Yunho.

—We should go to the hospital —Hongjoong suggested.

—Something similar happened to my uncle while he was fishing in Yeomchi, and he just had to pull from it —Iseul intervened calmly—. It's not that big of a deal to go to the hospital.

—Do you think I'm a fucking cod? —San panickedly turned to her.

—Well, you're the only one with a hook on his mouth —Yeosang snapped back.

—I have my car near, and there's an emergency center not far from here —Y/n tried to interrupt their bickering.

—Isn't it a bit too much to go to a hospital just for this? —San managed to ask.

—Dude, have you seen yourself? —Yunho asked.

The idea of having so many people looking at him in the center, trying to explain how he got a hook in that specific part of his body was something he didn't really want to do.

—Do you have a first-aid kid? —Y/n asked.

—Yeah —Seonghwa answered—. I packed three, just in case something happened. But what I thought of was someone falling, not someone being as dumb to hook themselves up.

—Can you bring it here? —Y/n demanded in a soft tone, at the same time she pushed San down to sit on the floor.

—What are you going to do? —San looked up at her.

—Pulling it out —she simply answered.

—You? —Wooyoung wondered, worried.

—Well, if anyone else wants to do it...

—No, no, no —it was the first time she had heard all of them agreeing on something.

Shortly after Seonghwa came back with the tiny box, Jongho stopped Y/n from kneeling in front of San to pull from the hook, standing next to him to hold the nylon up -careful not to hurt his friend-, while Mingi in front of him took a picture of the youngest pretending to have fished the only one in the group who looked like a fish at that moment.

—Wait, wait —San moved his head back as soon as she was kneeling in front of him, holding the metal directly—. I need some time to breathe.

—San, it'll be fast —she tried to convince him.

—Wait —he stopped her again, moving his head back as he tried to breathe deep—. Okay.

Y/n rolled her eyes, getting really to take out the hook, only for San to interrupt her again. With the only difference that that time she didn't stop, she pulled from the metal as quick as she could, only making San feel a small burn on the inside of his lip as the spike moved again through his perforated wound.

—It's done? —San opened his eyes, surprised.

Y/n lifted her hand, showing the hook, covered with only a little blood on the tip.

—Oh shit, I feel dizzy —Mingi commented, looking away.

As if the fun was over, all of them went back to everything they were doing, leaving them both alone back again.

—Does it look too big? —he wondered, poking his tongue against the perforated space.

—Nah —she assured him, reaching for everything she needed from the first-aid kit—. You just look like one of those emos that regretted their phase and are trying to adapt to a more formal style.

—I'm so dumb —he huffed.

Y/n simply smiled, ignoring his words while she tried to clean up the mess in his lower lip to cure it.

—No, you were just trying to impress someone who's already dating you —Mingi mentioned as he walked by—. Yeah, you're dumb.

San's eyes moved somewhere else but Y/n as they were left alone again, feeling her fingers delicate and gentle on his skin as she moved the cotton over the wound.

—I think it was cute —she whispered.

—Really?

—Yeah, but don't take that as a green light to do it again —her thumb caressed around the hole—. Does it hurt?

—No, I'm okay —he lied, actually that concrete spot was burning like hell.

—Good, I was going to blow on it, but since you're better...

—Ah... —he complained, tilting his head slightly— Actually... it does hurt a bit now.

—Oh really? —her eyebrow lifted.

—Yeah. Maybe if you kiss it better...

She shook her head, unbelieving of what she was hearing.

—Although it could risk the healing process —he interrupted her—, so maybe you should just kiss me here —he pointed to his lips.

—Here? —she pointed in the same direction.

—Yeah, all the muscles in the face are connected, so it'll be the same, if you kiss me on the lips...

His rambling was interrupted by her mouth covering his, trapping his lower lip in between hers while her fingertips caressed his neck.

—You make it unnecessarily difficult —she whispered, slowly getting up.

And just the same way, he watched her go, looking back over her shoulder with a smile just to be back with the group of girls she was with as soon as she arrived.

—Clean up your drool, Uta —Wooyoung joked—. And help us get everything ready for lunch. Hongjoong is close to losing it, and Mingi is about to make a scene.

—I told Mingi to eat a good breakfast earlier this morning —San complained, getting up and playing cool the fact that he wasn't able to control his body language when it came to Y/n.

After having a good lunch and attempting to do some fishing, all the group was sitting around the fire Jongho had started. As he looked around, he could see Jongho pattitng Sam's thigh as she sat in his lap with her head on his, Iseul had one of her legs over Yunho's while she hugged his arm tight, and Yeosang was holding Meghan's hide while she caressed his forearm with her free hand. Meanwhile, he and Y/n were sitting at the same distance he was sitting from the rest of his friends. They were sitting like friends, when they should've been all over each other.

She was so into the jokes and random conversations that she completely forgot they were pretending to be dating.

He moved his hand lazily, trying to reach her with no success. He managed to pinch her jacket, having her not even noticing how he was trying to get some affection from her, but he was only looking like a clingy kitten seeking attention.

As he watched her excitedly speaking, he kept moving on his chair, trying to find a way to drag it on the sand to stick it to hers. He wasn't successful at moving it, and the only time he did it, he fell all over the ground with everyone moving their eyes back on him.

—Oh my god, are you okay? —Y/n got up first, helping San get up.

—Yeah, I'm just a bit sleepy —he lied.

—Did I hear sleep? —Yunho quickly interrupted, getting back into the group conversation— Yeah, we all should go to sleep.

—Don't pretend you want to sleep —Hongjoong sassily answered—. But yeah, we should get some sleep. It's late, and tomorrow we should wake up early to go for a walk.

While some of them bothered to tidy everything up a bit, and extinguish the fire, the rest moved to their respective tents around the small fire -with each couple sharing one, and Wooyoung exchanging roommates to sleep with Hongjoong.

—Are you okay? —Y/n asked again as San closed the tent.

—Yeah —he assured her.

—I know I was barely paying attention to you today —she acknowledged, sitting over her spread sleeping back.

—Oh, that? —he puffed, laughing it off— I was with the boys.

—Uh-hum —she nodded, holding back her laugh—. I just wanted to let you know that I did it because I wanted to get on well with everyone. The girls took the time to invite me to meet me, so it just seemed right to, you know, do exactly what was planned.

—I know —he squatted in front of her—. I wasn't bothered or anything. I totally understand it, seriously. I really liked seeing how well you got on with everybody.

Even if eventually it'd be for nothing.

—Yeah, it's so easy though. I can tell why you all are friends.

It was such a genuine group, that she immediately felt welcomed as if she wasn't the last one to join their group of friends. And it was also so different from everything she had known. There was no toxicity, she didn't feel like having her guard up and looking deep into everything they said or did. She wasn't scared of ill intentions from them, or passive-aggressive comments. Their bickering and teasing was healthy, from a friendly and trustful position, and that helped her a lot to recharge some batteries from her daily life.

—Although it sucks the little time I spent with you was because you had to take a hook out of my mouth —he mumbled.

—Does it hurt? —she suddenly asked, placing her thumb carefully over the bandage.

—It bothered a bit to eat, but it's okay —he assured her.

Her hand moved down his neck, pulling him towards her at the same time she moved her body up to shorten the distance between them. Their eyes instantly closed as they were flooded by the feeling, by the way their lips molded into each other so perfectly.

—I was dying to do this all day —he whispered, breaking the kiss but staying glued to her.

—And what stopped you? —she chuckled, pecking the corner of his lips.

—You were surrounded by people all the time.

After that sentence, the kiss adopted a whole new speed, a whole new level of passion and need that they hadn't experienced before. At least not in person.

They were ready to devour each other, while their tongues sneaked into their mouths to memorize every single corner in them. She pulled him in closer, managing to find a way to have them both lying in between their two sleeping bags.

Either San was getting better at kissing, or how needy she was for him was making things to her body, because she found herself gasping every time his tongue rolled on hers just like she taught him.

Her fingers slipped the sleeves of his jacket down his arms, exposing his tanned biceps for them to move over his skin as she pleased.

San felt his body being pushed back to his sleeping back, with her following right after him to straddle his hips. And while his mouth had everything under control, his hands were struggling to find the right spot in her body, waving in the air over her back, barely rubbing his digits over the cotton fabric of her blue t-shirt.

As she leaned more comfortably on him, allowing him to feel her chest pressed against his, and the way her heart pumped through her rib cage, he found the little encouragement he needed to hold her confidently, placing his hands on her ribs and her waist.

The kiss was loud, every suck, every move of tongue, every gasp for air was perfectly heard, and it sent a clear message to a concrete side of her brain, which led her to lose all control she thought she had over her body. Her hips rocked against his unconsciously, barely noticing that back and forth.

His digits enclosed around the fabric of her t-shirt, holding back his groans as he felt his bulge growing with every subtle move of her hips, making it even more difficult as she sank her fingertips on his hair.

And it all suddenly stopped.

San thought, at first, she was just thinking it through. Her eyes were fixed on a particular place on the tent, suddenly hopping off him.

—Shit.

She didn't recognize that feeling at first, she was too blinded by how excited she felt by the situation that she genuinely thought it was just her arousal building up. But she recognized that thick and slick texture moving down her walls, added with the fact that she didn't get her period yet that month, it was a more than obvious answer.

—Is everything okay?

—Can you get out for a quick second?

San was worried, but he dragged his body outside the tent just like she asked him to. It made him wonder if he had done something wrong, or if she realized they just didn't click for some reason.

It was obvious she was too much for him.

Her head interrupted his overthinking process as she peeked through the zip, looking nervous and embarrassed.

—I have a little problem —she started, feeling her cheeks burning as she planned on getting deeper into the conversation.

—Did I do something wrong? —he whispered— Is everything alright?

—Yeah, it's just... —she bit her lip, looking away for a short moment— I have a little problem going on right now. I'm at that time of the month, and I didn't really plan it.

Especially because of how irregular it got in the past two years.

—That time of the month? —San asked, confused— Oh...

—Did I mess with your clothes? —she innocently asked.

—No, they're fine —he double checked looking down, although he was just answering to make her feel better, not because he was indeed seeing a thing among the darkness—. But do you need anything? Is it hurting?

—No, I'm okay —she shook her head—. But I didn't bring anything for it, and I only brought a pair of extra panties.

—I will work on it —San assured her.

—But...

—What do you need? Pads? Tampons? Did you also stain your pants?

Pressing her lips together, she nodded slowly.

—I'll work on something, just wait here.

There were three other girls in the camping, there was no possible way either of them had something that could work for Y/n.

He first went to Yunho's tent, palming the side until he heard his friend huffing at the other side. He rolled his eyes when he saw San kneeling in front of the door.

—What? You want a condom?

—Not really —he shook his head.

What was the right thing to say? Y/n was clearly embarrassed when she told him, so was it right to ask directly what he wanted? He just didn't want her to feel bad about it the next day.

—Well, I have some problems at night —San started—. I always use them to sleep, but I forgot to bring them today because Wooyoung rushed us.

—What is it? C'mon, I was sleeping.

—Does Iseul have pads? —he asked.

—Pads? For you? —Yunho asked, confused.

San simply nodded, hoping Yunho wouldn't ask any questions as he moved back inside the tent to get back at him a few seconds later with a soft coloured package.

—Next time prepare all your things better.

He didn't let him answer back, before the zip of his tent was closed back again.

San looked back around, trying to guess who'd be the person that could possibly have the other item he was looking for, and it was clear for him when his eyes fell on the tent Seonghwa and Mingi were sharing.

—Get out —Mingi complained from the inside.

—I need Hwa, shut the hell up —San answered.

—Me?

Seonghwa's messy hair and sleepy face confirmed he wasn't struggling as much as Yunho to sleep.

—You brought extra pants, right?

He always did. And his size wouldn't look too big on Y/n either.

—Yeah, why?

—I broke Y/n's.

—How did you break Y/n's?

—She almost fell, and I held her by the belt thingy instead, and her pants ripped.

—That's because she isn't cleaning her clothes right —Seonghwa shook his head—. Hold on.

A minute later, he was palming his tent again to get Y/n's attention and hand her everything he had been able to collect, without making it obvious it was for her.

—Nobody knows it's for you. Well, except for the pants —San added—. So don't worry.

—Thank you —she whispered, holding all of the items.

He waited outside again patiently, until her head peeked through the zip again to inform him that she was already done. It was quiet, with each of them sliding inside their own sleeping bag as they stared at the ceiling in silence.

—What did you tell them?

—Well, Yunho now thinks that I either pee myself or cum in my sleep, and Seonghwa is judging you for the way you wash your clothes.

It wasn't like she really cared for people knowing she was on her period, it was something natural that she didn't need to hide, but the fact that San was so careful with it, to the extreme of embarrassing himself to protect her was something she appreciated. And that kiss on his cheek, despite how hard it was for her to move inside her sleeping bag, was the only show of affection she could think of.

—Neither of them asked you anything?

—Hmm no —he shook his head—. They were only annoyed because I woke them up.

Her lips were pressed together, trying to hold back the question that had been going through her head ever since she met his friends for the first time. And it only grew deeper after Sam commented how San's parents were the ones paying for his rent and his expenses, all while he studied.

—Why do you keep lying to them about your other side? I mean, I bet they'd all understand, and support you either way.

—When I met them my parents were in a good position —he first answered—. I didn't have to bother about anything. That was how all of them met me. I wasn't struggling with money, I was doing just fine. But my father got fired and everything changed. The place they lived in changed, the way I lived changed...

He obviously kept the small detail of her company being the one that kicked him out to himself. He didn't want her to feel responsible for any of that.

—And I didn't want my friends to change either. I didn't want them to see me differently —he admitted—. At first that channel was only to pay the rent while I finished the degree, so I didn't think they needed to know. But later I started the master's degree, and thought that, at that point, I had already lied too many times to come up with the truth. It's not like they need to know, so what's really the point? Neither of them have met my parents, so it's just better this way.

Out of all the different scenarios she could've come up with, that was the last one in them. She couldn't even think of something like that when she was first told. And, for some reason, either for his situation or because it was simply San the one going through it, she felt bad. She could feel the struggle and pain.

It was tough to hide a lie.

—I feel you —she nodded.

—Really?

—Yeah —she sighed—. I'm going through something similar —she admitted—. Nobody knows about this, I've never really dared to say this even out loud while alone —she chuckled—. Two years ago I was diagnosed with an illness —she confessed—. I was interned, but nobody knew. Not my dad, not my ex boyfriend... no one. To this day no one knows I have multiple sclerosis and that it could lead to problems in the way I work. And nobody knows because I don't want anything to change, I don't want anyone to treat me differently. And I don't want to lose opportunities because of that either.

Those thoughts were always in her head but, for some reason, they felt completely different while being said out loud.

—I actually suspected it —San whispered—. Your medicine was in the fridge.

She had so normalized having those boxes in the fridge that she completely forgot they were there.

She realized why she trusted him so much, and why she felt so comfortable. He didn't force any answer from her, he didn't change his behavior towards her... everything was all the same. And, as much as it was a small gesture, she was thankful for that.

—I didn't want to ask you, but it means a lot that you shared this with me.

Just like he shared the only issue in his life, and that was nothing compared to hers.

—We're the only ones that know each other's secrets —she smiled—. And that's why I want you to rely on me whenever you need anything. Learn to open up.

—It also applies to you —he reminded her—. Whenever you feel bad, whenever you just need someone to vent, reach me. Headache? Text. You feel uncomfortable? Text. I’ll be there even if you just want to say the most random thing —Y/n laughed at that comment.

—It's a promise, I guess. And you know what's the best way to seal a promise?

It surprised her how effortlessly San managed to drag her sleeping bag right next to his with just one hand, making sure they were as close as possible just to be able to kiss her like they both wanted to. 

[hostilemuppet]

The Twitter Drama AU Timeline

finally, after months, we finally have a timeline. this is not exhaustive (i tried to mainly include the super important parts, and some less important parts i thought were REALLY funny), and is probably only 75% accurate due to the non-linear nature we wrote the fic in to begin with, but it is better than nothing! updated as of chapter 10 (low hanging fruits)

12th March 2023: Tiny Diamond is born, Creek is his other dad, which is kept a secret from everyone except Guy and Creek.

November 2023: The events of Band Together, almost completely identical. Following which, Brozone get back together and start working on their reunion album. Now that Branch is in the spotlight, Barb is forced to acknowledge her ex girlfriend (one night stand) Poppy is a lot happier with a transfem butch, which sparks Barb’s descent into terfism. Val and Creek briefly see each other.

December 2023: John Dory gets his Twitter confiscated by Clay. Floyd gets his sex tape leaked (by Creek). Clay throws Viva under the bus for the first time. Clay accidentally gets Bruce accused of cheating on his wife, but they pin it on Branch, who just organised a fake breakup with Poppy because he was uncomfortable with all the smutfic. Riff leaves Barb’s band, and collabs with Creek but calls him an asshole. Velvet gets out of prison and writes a callout thread on Floyd. Floyd gets cancelled for the first time. Creek and Floyd start seeing each other in secret.

January 2024: Val publicly comes out as nonbinary and is kicked out of Barb’s band, then outs Barb as a nepo baby as revenge. JD tries to sneak back onto stantwt but is doxxed. Floyd tells Branch about his relationship with Creek; Branch is surprisingly fine with it as long as Creek is suffering, and boy does he suffer.

February 2024: A misunderstanding leads everyone to think Branch broke up with Poppy because he’s a gay man. He comes out as a lesbian but is immediately met with vitriol of both the exclusionist and transmisogynistic varieties. Barbtwt have a bone to pick with Hickory but he comes out on top. Clay throws Viva under the bus again but this time she's had enough, and releases an expose video on him and kicks him out of the pod. Viva and Floyd become BFFs.

March 2024: Dating rumours about Smidge and Poppy start, which Smidge does nothing to help. Barb accuses Smidge’s actual boyfriend of being a pedophile, and gets ratio’d. Creek and Floyd go public with their relationship.

June 2024: Guy Diamond gets into controversy after soliciting a camgirl and his family vlog channel goes on hiatus. Clay and Viva get back together, and Viva records revenge porn of him to “keep him in line”.

August 2024: Biggie gets into mild controversy that escalates into cancelation when he responds in character as Mr Dinkles. Clay and Vivas relationship becomes undeniably abusive, but they’re really good at hiding it.

September 2024: Floyd and Creek get married! Satin & Chenille have Velvet on their podcast. Guy Diamond gets cancelled after being outed as Pro-Life. 

15th December 2024: Floyd and Creek have twins, Brad and Angelina [LASTNAME]-[LASTNAME2-.

April 2025: Creek and Floyd drop all pretences of thinking they’re a healthy couple.

12th May 2025: Creek aborts his second egg. They would have been named Shiloh. Floyd is distraught and gets harassed on Twitter again for being Pro-Life.

August 2025: Creek and Floyd divorce.

September 2025: It comes to light that DJ Suki is stealing from her niece CJ.

December 2025: Creek and Floyd get back together. Val stops hiding their racism from twitter and get doxxed by KPop fans. They have to live with their mother.

January 2026: Harper starts drawing Bruce as a transphobic caricature, a skinny feminine twink.

February 2025: Viva stops taking birth control. Branch gets doxxed for the first time (by Cloud Guy). Dante starts stalking Branch.

March 2026: jdtwt find out that JD used to have a thing with Delta Dawn, and harass her a bit. The two get back in touch, and Delta tells JD that they actually had a kid together (Holly Darling). JD is thrilled about being a dad. Holly is initially apprehensive but eventually comes around. JD gives Delta Cooties (it’s okay, there’s a cure). Sky Toronto buys Twitter.Crimp gets run off the internet for uncomfortable roleplay with Tiny Diamond (pretending to be 14). Velvet gets cancelled for workplace abuse. Smidge starts queerbaiting by selling merch of referencing her and Poppy’s fake relationship.

April 2026: Tiny Diamond reveals he is not actually 14, he is physically 3 years old (but for our purposes he is functionally 9 because Trolls age weird). He loses all his OOMFs (CJ, Preiscilla, Keith (all approx 13)) and has his account suspended. Branch gets really jealous over Smidge and publicly shittalks her. He and Poppy “get back together” but set the “boundary” that any smutfic about either of them can only be Broppy (obviously not everyone follows this rule).

May 2026: Cloud Guy leaks Smidge’s miscarriage after being paid off by Barbtwt. Branch gets doxxed for the third time. Poppy demands Sky Toronto take action so he permabans Cloud Guy’s IP. Cloud Guy goes to live with his parents.

June 2026: Gust Tumbleweed is violently homophobic to Synth during an LGBT charity event, but faces no consequences because he starts flirting with his fellow straight male friends again. Poppy gets sick of Dante stalking Branch so she prepares to take matters into her own hands. Holly Darlin starts selling snake oil, from the same company that supplies for Satin & Chenille. Holly and Satin start dating.

July 2026: Satin & Chenille (both Creek’s exes) are invited to the Floyd and Creek household for dinner to ‘bury the hatchet’, where they witness blackmailable activities and force them both to come on their podcast and embarrass themselves (mostly Floyd).

August 2026: Demo falls in love with Gust after being flirted with for several months, breaks up with his current girlfriend (DJ Suki) and gets very VERY aggressively turned down by Gust. Dante sends a glitter bomb to Branch’s pod, so Poppy beats him up, but Dante calls the cops on her and she faces legal trouble. Harper starts drawing Creek as a trans man, even though Creek is a cis man, because she felt like it. It catches on. Biggie gets cancelled for something unspecified but really, really bad.

September 2026: Guy Diamond faces controversy for thinking Troll babies sleeping in beds causes Autism, which he got from Creek, who he used to date and is now interested in again. Clay starts nearing his brink wrt Viva and stays with JD for a bit. Viva finds an egg in her hair, which she soon loses (19th). Cloud Guy kills himself. Biggie overdoses while playing Overwatch. Veneer gets hit by a bus.

October 2026: Sky Toronto and Nova Swift get divorced (she leaves him for a trans Troll). Branch and Poppy get an egg, and Viva is the first they tell, so she manipulates them into thinking they’d be awful parents and she can take care of it for them. Viva uses the egg to convince Clay to come home.

31st October 2026: The egg Viva stole from Branch and Poppy hatches. Their name is Ha’Penny Hatch. Since the kid looks nothing like either “parents”, Clay figures that Viva cheated on him and finally goes grey.

November 2026: Harper deletes all her socials when her proship side account is found. Gust tricks Demo into thinking his feelings are finally returned, only to crush his heart again publicly during a subathon.

December 2026: BrozoneRonpa resurfaces. Branch accidentally says something offensive about Guy Diamond publicly, and Guy capitalises on the potential controversy, which leads to intense Guy VS Floyd beef (they are both interested in the same man (only Floyd is married to him). Nova Swift moves to Mount Rageous, leaving S&C in need of a podcast producer, and Fuzzbert is their only hope but expects a big paycheck.

January 2027: Guy Diamond reveals that Tiny Diamond is actually Creek’s son. Floyd goes to stay with Branch. Bruce finds out the real reason Clay went grey and his immediate plan is to fake Clay’s suicide and take him with him to Vacay Island. JD, Viva and Penny are the only members of Clay’s immediate family who don’t know he’s still alive. Clay’s funeral is livestreamed on Twitch. Holly Darlin’s newly rekindled relationship with her dad is halted in its infancy. 

[tomfoolies]

the tomja timeline: director's cut, extended edition, way too long of an overview of our relationship development

gonna make a preface here before we begin: suspend your disbelief, 100%. is this actually viable? only at certain times, mostly no. it's unrealistic, out of character for multiple characters, and makes plot holes the sizes of entire continents. i'm not saying that in a self-depricating way, it is literally impossible to add another character that is kinda integral into the plot without rewriting a lot or just destroying the masterfully crafted story…. and like, lets be real. we all know that as soon as people found out about us we would've gotten fired ASAP lmao. but we stick it out until the end <3 because it's more fun that way and i don't care about realism that much, i'm just here to have a good time. so it's very much canon and real to me.

i’ll be recapping stuff i’ve already talked about on this blog so some of it will be a repeat but it’s fiiiine. also. this is over three thousand words. i can't be concise.

sighs. let’s go.

PRE-SHOW

> waystar career started off as the brightstar parks department HR manager some years before the show begins. first meeting with tom is around 2-ish years before ep1. we meet during a HR dispute i’ve been put to solve and he is one of the people involved in it… not the best first impression of each other since he thinks i’m cold and intimidating and i think he’s kind of an idiot and weird. but over time we get to know each other a bit more, especially once he rises up in the ranks as well. a few months before the show starts i start in my new position as one of the HR executives for the whole corporation.

SEASON 1

> at the start of the show we're quite familiar with each other, have friendly relations and definitely count each other as some of the closest coworkers. have briefings, having worked together on occasion (idk and idc if this is viable i'm never gonna work in corporate ok), exchange a lot of emails and gossip and have each other's personal phone numbers (for work-related emergencies...?).

> the proposal doesn’t happen because around the time he considers going for it i actually blow up his phone with questions about the old man’s health. not because i wish him a speedy recovery but because i hate him and would love to see him dead (tom doesn’t know the extent of my hatred at that point yet, though). and something stops him, he’s been hesitant about it for a while now and it feels like too much at that point, everything is too chaotic and he doesn’t want to make it worse.

> in ep4 as he’s given the cruise papers, he misses a (very unofficial) meeting with me and i come to his office to interrogate him about it before he has a chance to share the papers with greg. i immediately go for it and start reading the papers in horror because i love to know what is going on. BIG MISTAKE. he doesn't dare to stop me partly because he has his first of many realizations. aaand he knows i’m competent, so instead of trying to protect me he gives in because he does also like that someone else has to deal with it now too. BONDING through the horrors (crime) LOL. WE BOTH IN THE DEATH PIT NOW!!!! but also i threaten him that if he throws me under the bus i will drag him along and figure out all and any excuses. we go down together. i’m also the one who suggests that we shouldn’t go public with it. which also leads to him keeping it more of a secret, not telling shiv about it. sooo literally nobody else knows (until i let gerri know the basics so plot continuity will work out. but at first….)

> so, it becomes my duty to figure out someone to dispose the papers. i still manage to make greg do it. he’d probably be more inclined to help me when he 1) does not know what the papers entail 2) i’ve been only nice and kind to him unlike someone else. so he would help me, not knowing it’s connected to tom as well…. oops. and he wouldn’t get any copies because i’d be keeping watch (and already took some myself for safekeeping).

> in ep6 tom comes to my desk and takes me to an empty meeting room to tell me the situation has been cleared. i get excited because i too have been very stressed out about it, so i go for a bit too friendly hug that he was NOT expecting and so when i pull back he's all flustered and just blurts out "let's go celebrate let me buy you dinner". sooo we do and have fun shittalking and in general just being a bit more personal than usual (he tries to convince me that being rich is fun and i go "yeah i'm sure it is..." seeing right through him). ending the night with wandering the streets just enjoying each other's company, and he has his little realization "aw shit i don't only find her insanely attractive but also would like to engage in romantic relations with her and kinda wish i could do something about it" moment i wrote that one selfshiptober prompt about <3 he still finds out about the vote somehow though...

> his realizations contribute to both distancing from shiv and the roys as a whole emotionally and physically. he feels out of place everywhere, but also he tries to keep telling himself he should just commit, propose to shiv and handle it. set his feelings aside. but every time something happens he’s really put off and like ”i wouldn’t have to deal with this if i wasn’t involved with these people (the family therapy incident for example)…” he starts thinking about what his life would be like. with me. love when i can make a man self-aware and more introspective.

>  roman still gets the guys to go to the (no longer a bachelor) party and i’m there as well, through a friend of a friend. neither of us knew the other was gonna be there… so imagine the surprise once we cross paths!!!! and throughout the night we'd be seen together, having a good time even if everyone else isn't because we're with each other!! but also tom’s feeling ROUGH because of the realizations he’s been having. you all know this you’ve read the fic.

> the season ends in the same place as it does canonically, but we’re all there for some other fancy event instead of the wedding. the details aren't important ok. when greg breaches the topic of shiv cheating on him, instead of refusing to accept it tom feels... relief? anger, yes, but a bit absolved of his sins of pining after me. but it’s also the last straw and in a bold move he decides to go for it and suggest that he wants to break up. it gets a bit messy for SURE. afterwards he comes to find me, surprises me and himself with what’s happened and we kiss and… later that night as we’re hanging outside by the manor’s courtyard, too excited to sleep and too enamored with the other to be with everyone else, kendall comes back from his little field trip and stumbles upon us. 

SEASON 2

> we try to distance ourselves until he’s in the clear, keeping it strictly professional (like watch kendall’s announcement at work together and conspire over what THE HELL HAPPENED) but text a LOT after work, tease and flirt extensively. a few weeks later we finally begin dating for reals once he’s gotten his own place. he invites me over and we drink and he tells me about his new job and it’s a bit awkward (NOT living up to our promises we made over text lmao) but also genuine and intimate. 

> poor guy gets his mancold and YOU KNOW i actually make him take the day off and nurse him back to health <3 and after the hunting trip i comfort him and threaten to fire everyone (i WISH i could but the thought is there. he appreciates it) even though he doesn’t dare tell me the whole extent of it because it’s just way too humiliating :(

> safe room drama includes me checking out COMPLETELY at some other random locked office while he blows up my phone (he calls me like I THINK THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME and i'm like "i'm sure they are honey…", only slightly mad at him because i found out about the human footstool incident LMAO but hey if the guy doesn't report it to the HR… my morals are. very loose in this regard.)

> i doubt my influence would help greg THIS much but it would be fun for him to do his department exploration instead of having to stick with tom so that's what's gonna go down. it'd help build his trust and respect towards me, because i'd convince tom it's better for everyone involved... greg wouldn't have the papers to blackmail with but. he would still know that we're both involved in something we don't want to become public and he could probably use that to his advantage. i think.

> once we hear about the cruise article we get Stressed. because we kept it just between us it'd throw a lot more people off guard. but we'd try to stay calm and let the roys take the blame for a hot second… the anxiety runs high and it does lead to us being a bit distant, but also we try our best to not think about it. we both get questioned, i manage to keep my cool and i actually stored the documents in a smart place (soz greg) so they can be a surprise tool to be used for later :) and of course we would witness the beautiful performance that is l to the og... (< very important for me to be there also)

> my love confession just before his hearing my beloved <3 and… i think that this all would lead to me having to go to court as well instead of greg. since there's literally nobody else to throw blame onto. and everyone else would LOVE to get back at me like that. so it'd happen and while not as bad as tom's i would still not perform very well. a lot of questioning about my suspicious HR violations by getting it on with the boss from an adjacent company LOL. they're like "hmm did you help him get that position" guys no that's just good old nepotism-adjacent activities. but they'd definitely expose our. interesting. email threads…

> but. we survive. i also get invited to the yacht. probably as a terrible ploy to get me killed, but at least before my inevitable death i can have a relatively… good time? then it's up to ME to defend tom to everyone, especially to logan. it gets a little bit uncomfortable and i may fear for my life a little bit. but i'd know i did the right thing when he confesses his love for me <33 and i secretly promise to myself i will stick with him no matter what; i'm in too deep to give up on him.

(ALSO. JUST REALISED. CHICKEN SCENE NOT REAL IN THE TOMJA TIMELINE MOST LIKELY. BIGGEST LOSS OF THE CENTURY……..)

> and when kendall gets revealed to be the sacrifice… me and tom's suspicions rise even more. full circle moment? he gives us a look and we can't help but think that something’s going on. but also i really wanted to help him out earlier, so i talked with him, we connected a little bit and the papers i saved end up being of great use >:)

SEASON 3

> relatively smooth sailing until ep3, he gets drunk and self sacrificing, you know what goes down… but i don't know if i'd manage to prevent him from executing his idea or not. on the other hand more plot continuity on the other hand i want to avoid the tailgate party argument… luckily i don't have to know. nevertheless i comfort him even though it does really sting when he confesses to me that occasionally he wonders if breaking up with shiv was the right thing. but then again, he also regrets getting into waystar in the first place. and he's much happier with me than he ever was with her. he's just feeling very scared and disposable and i can't help him. i just don't have the power. but what i do have is instinctual knowledge (mary sue energy) that things will work out and i try my best to relay that to him.

> but then because I'M the one that gave kendall the papers, he would notify me that i might be on the line of fire as well. so… both tom and i would be unbearably anxious about our respective prison sentences. constantly whining about it together, staying up all night bouncing scenarios off of each other and catastrophizing, brought closer by our mutual loss of hope. nobody would like to be around us during this time period (as if that's any different from the norm lol).

> here i can't decide if i'd tell tom i helped kendall or not. i would probably need to divulge that i'm more involved in this than what i originally planned. but not tell him the whole extent of it. BECAUSE i want that kendall's talk with tom in ep6 be more interesting (i've talked abt this before but YOU'RE GETTING IT AGAIN). he would tell tom what i did, and try to persuade him to switch sides because he knows i would respect him for it. i have 0 loyalty to anyone (but tom…), i genuinely don't give a shit about waystar and would just abandon the ship if things got too much, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. and he'd feel more inclined to do it for sure, since his loyalties have also begun to shift. but he won't do it, even if it's just because he knows that kendall will get fucked eventually.

> of course once he finds out nobody’s going to prison, he comes over to my work station and we slip into the first available meeting room, very discreetly and very casually. intense making out ensues as celebration. and later at ken’s birthday party we get wasted and make everyone else jealous with how stoked we are. actually feeling really great and happy and not caring one bit!! we'd also obviously get invited to the mama roy's wedding <3

> things get convoluted here. shiv would not tell tom about the siblings' planned coup so he wouldn't be able to rat them out to logan. but. everything would go badly for them nevertheless... how? i don't know. but it's succession we're talking about the narrative has doomed them already. again i don't care about realism THAT much.

SEASON 4

> i get suspicious at connor's wedding when i realize the siblings have mysteriously disappeared. and tom calls me immediately afterwards. i'd try my best to comfort him but i'd be lying if i said i was sad. and he knows that too. anyways, greg and i manage to escape the boat before it embarks and gossip all the way to the office to get rid of the documents as per his request. wondering what really went down. sonjagreg bonding moment <3

> and as i've said before tom would definitely be uneasy about it for a while, partly because it made him realize what he has to do next, that he no longer wants to go down the path he's been walking for such a long time now. he'd have a crisis about it for sure, and it'd lead to him having some nightmares about the whole thing. his resolve to leave waystar behind is growing stronger, and when he's hit with the harsh truth of "nobody likes you here plus the old man kinda of wanted you gone for a good while now since you abandoned his family for some upper middle class bitch (me) so don’t even think about the CEO spot" he might not show it but man does he agree with it.

> hmmm. maybe no tailgate party at our place? BECAUSE. for no other reason than why not, i'd say we move in together around this time. partly because it feels like the only thing we can control in that moment, partly because i pretty much live at his place with juno already so not a lot really changes... so. there's no sleepless nights (i let that man sleep we're not animals) and NO DRAMA NO ARGUMENTS!!! boring and leaves many things open but it's fine we can still be invited, it can be at someone else's place <3 because i love nothing more than being a side character/witness to the main plot drama.

> america decides what america decides and i go welp fuck wanna start life over in finland? is it sheep farmer time? and i manage to drag tom out of his office and make it in time to witness logan's funeral. one last hurrah with the roys, his moment of closure for that particular era in his life.

> by the time the finale rolls around, instead of feeling like he’s willing to do anything and everything to stay in mattson’s good graces he is growing disinterested. kind of ready to walk out already. we strategize it, i resign from my job and he's just waiting to get fired as soon as the merge happens. so... when he gets offered the CEO spot he is VERY surprised. but he doesn’t want it, not anymore. so he tells mattson just that, hands in his notice and comes home to me.

> post-canon includes us getting new jobs after an unemployment vacation, moving to a nice little house with a garden and a backyard for our dogs <3 travelling a bunch, and getting engaged soon after that. engagement lasts for multiple years, like i previously said, with a destination wedding (very much leaning towards lake como teehee). aand then we just chill out our fun mundane domestic DINK life until the end of time <3

[mylovesstuffs]

Omg this had me in a chokehold. The tension, the fake engagemeny, the childhood besties who lowkey never stopped loving each other but are now awkward and hurt and pretending not to care—I was EATING. The moments like him chuckling like he’s fine [but he’s sooo not], the unspoken understanding [iyk which scene I'm talking about; dawn one], and the he’s gonna kill me panix when she realised— I was living for this lmao

Also, the pacing in this fic goes from I am so done to oh wait, I'm soft in the span of one scene. It’s emotional whiplash for dure, but in a way that makes you crave more. And the angst was delicious. Like, I needed a trigger warning for the amount of painfully unspoken feelings packed into this

This fic is everything I love: angst, yearning, royal drama, and a dash of Jeonghan being that guy. 100/10 no notes. I need more.

Once again, under the cut, there are spoilers and the commentary I wrote in my notes as I was reading, so it might not be coherent.

“Objections will not be heard,” he says, rejoicing merrily. “Let it be said, as far and wide as the kingdom goes. My daughter is to be married!”— wow, what a nice father 🥺

How do you deliver news like this to someone you aren’t even on speaking terms with?— 💀💀💀????????

Your brain is on high alert right now, and every single self-defense lesson Jeonghan has given you kicks in as you get dragged into a dark room.— Jeonghan 😭😭😭

“So I was just convenient for you,” he says, scowling. “We haven’t spoken to each other in years, and you choose to throw me under the bus?” — IN YEARS??!???!!!!??! I thought maybe months- oh lord.

“And whose fault is it?” You step closer, glaring up at him and all his audacity.— for some reason, and all his audacity made me laugh 😂

Omg I love their banter sm! They have really good chemistry.

All’s well that ends well, right?— right.

The feeling of his fingers intertwined with yours sends a rush of heat to your face that you can’t deny. This confuses you, he confuses you.— ah this is so giddy, bittersweet, romantic and everything. I can't feel his fingers intertwining.

Wordlessly, he nods, slipping his jacket off his shoulders and draping it over your own.— gentleman for sure.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you,” you murmur softly, but Seungkwan is already gone.— girl, sorry to break it to you but, you already fell. It's hard not to.

The day Jeonghan returns, there is a downpour from hell.— ohhhh Jeonghan!!! So Jeonghan's self-defence classes wasn't just for show! He's here, yay.

The sudden greeting almost has you jumping, and your first instinct is to turn around and slam your heavy book into the man’s face.— in other words, self-defence at it's finest 😂 it was instinctive.

Jeonghan teaching self-defense was not a subplot, it was a prophecy.

Every time you see him again, he has changed somewhat, but also not quite at all. There will always be that inkling of mischief in his eye until the day he dies.— bahahah yes, until the day he does XD I think it's true for real life Jeonghan persona too.

“Because it’s true! Don’t you know that Y/N here used to – Ow! Again?!”— JEONGHAN!!! 😭😭

“I can’t believe you were about to reveal everything just then!”— why do I have a feeling that Seungkwan might overhear???

“Who’s that?” “Long story.” “I have time.”—thats so Jeonghan 🧍🏻‍♀️

But in the days that follow, Jeonghan’s words echo in your mind. You see Seungkwan less and less; every time you run into him, he seems to have an excuse on the tip of your tongue, and you can’t help but wonder what has happened.— did he overhear and now he's just avoiding?

There is an uncanny, knowing smile on his face. “Although, I might not need to leave so soon,” he drawls, “if I still have the opportunity to fulfill what I originally came here for.”— did HE overhear or put things together???? Oh lord, pls no!!

“Get up.” Seungkwan is, for lack of a better word, seething.— I'm sorry but that's HOT 🥵

It’s almost comical, the way that he walks away with a vindictive air about him. — thank lord he's walking away and not causing a scene!

“I saw you on my way to the training grounds, but you weren’t alone, so I just wanted to see what was going on,” he grimaces, “and I’m glad I did.”— that's so sweet and comforting and oddly romantic, too.

YES! He didn't overhear Jeonghan and Y/N, not that it would've been bad, but the way it turned out—is good.

“You deserve every good thing in this universe,” he tells you, “every beautiful moment that exists in time. But I can’t give that to you, no matter how much I wish I could, and it hurts to be near you when it’s all so very impossible.”— 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“You just kissed me,” he says incredulously.— it just gave me all kinds of feelings in my stomach. So pure ngl.

Seungkwan smiles — a bright, gorgeous thing that could put even the sun to shame. — such a true and poetic line. His smile is really like that.

I loved this so so so much. Tysm Ashi, for writing this. I'll adore you forever ♾️

catch the rain ; boo seungkwan

summary: caught between a political alliance and the possibility of a prolonged freedom, you just can't help the easy lie that slips out of your mouth. now, you're left to deal with the consequences of putting up a front to your family, the court, and the rest of the kingdom.

pairing: boo seungkwan x f!reader

contains: historical/royalty au, childhood best friends to not friends to friends again to lovers, reader's surname is choi because scoups, fake engagement, cheol is married in this, bestie jeonghan coming in clutch

warnings: language/swearing, shady behavior from a dude (ew), mentions of war and blood

word count: 8.53k

a/n: it's finally done! many thanks to ro @shinysobi for beta reading and also jay @ppyopulii for your feedback <3 also this gorgeous gorgeous banner was made by jay too; they're literally a graphic genius & i am so thankful ❤️ i hope you guys enjoy!

tags: @mochacoda @ppyopulii (let me know if you'd like to be tagged!)

“And then there was chaos,” Jeonghan would say if he was here right now.

He wouldn’t be wrong, either. You can almost picture his smirk in your mind – you’re just standing motionlessly, watching as the ministers lose their minds and your father tries to process what you’ve just said for the entire court to hear. 

It has been several minutes since you’ve made the announcement, and there has not been a moment of calmness since then. Of course, you were aware that news of this nature would shock the general public to some extent, but you didn’t think it was that serious.

You watch nervously as your father calls for order, quieting the room down, and then turns to you.

“You are trying to tell me, child,” he says slowly, leaning back against his throne, “that you mean to marry General Boo’s son?”

“Yes.” The lie is bitter on your tongue, but you have no choice but to run with it, albeit a bit awkwardly. “He is the one I want to be with. I… I love him,” you add awkwardly, hoping nobody catches on.

“I see.” 

You must have sounded convincing enough because he doesn’t question you any further. Instead, he just chuckles to himself after a few seconds, relaxing his shoulders. 

“And all this time we were trying to find someone for you, suitor after suitor… Oh, my apologies, Doyun. I suppose your plans are not to come to fruition.”

At the corner of the table, the aforementioned young lord scowls in silence. You shudder, reminded of all the ways he had tried to court you – cornering you in some random hall of the palace and trying to come to your chambers at night. No matter how much you tried, for your father’s sake, you could not see yourself with him.

“Well, I suppose our search for a suitable groom is over,” your father continues, giving you a warm smile. “That is quite the relief, isn’t it?”

“Wait, you’re okay with this?”

“Why would I not be? I have seen the both of you grow from small children into promising adults, and Seungkwan is a good man,” he remarks kindly. “The court may have reservations, but that is irrelevant to me. I have none.”

Minister Park raises his hand tentatively. “But, Your Majesty –”

“Objections will not be heard,” he says, rejoicing merrily. “Let it be said, as far and wide as the kingdom goes. My daughter is to be married!”

It’s evident that the court is displeased with your choice, but they congratulate you regardless, not willing to risk their roles by further irritating the king. You play along as best as you possibly can, all smiles for everyone else. Clearly, your little lie was surprising enough for nobody to suspect a thing.

Doyun approaches you next, bowing slightly while making a face. You return it out of respect, though his mere presence around you is unsettling enough. 

“Congratulations, Your Highness,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “Boo Seungkwan must be over the moon, to be engaged to a woman like you.”

Shit. Seungkwan. 

You haven’t even told him yet. How can you justify such a huge lie you let slip in a moment of sheer panic?

How do you deliver news like this to someone you aren’t even on speaking terms with?

“Uh, yes. He is,” you reply, trying to suppress the alarm from reflecting onto your face. “We are very happy. Yes.”

“Yes, that is good,” he says, slightly amused.

“I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay,” you tell him, bowing again. Internally, you grimace a little, trying to prevent the awkwardness of the situation from getting even worse. “And I hope there are no hard feelings, sir. I truly am sorry.”

“Of course not, Your Highness.” He doesn’t look like he believes you, but he accepts the apology nonetheless. You plaster a fake smile on your face until he finally walks away, leaving you by yourself.

“Thank god,” you mutter under your breath, looking for a way out. Your father is attempting to move on to the next topic, settling the court, and you use this moment to leave through the back doors, finally getting some space from all the chaos.

In the silence, the weight of your actions hits you suddenly. God, Seungkwan is going to kill you, you realize, for dragging him into something that isn’t his problem at all.

“What the fuck,” you whisper to yourself, assessing your next steps. Seungcheol – you could ask him for advice, although he might lecture you first. But you don’t know who else you could go to right now besides your brother.

Carefully, you slip into the hallway, making your way towards the library. It’s just barely evening, so you’re almost certain Seungcheol will be there. You pray you don’t run into anybody, making sure to stay quiet so nobody spots you away from the meeting you’re supposed to be at.

Immediately after you turn the next corner, you feel a hand wrap around your wrist tightly, pulling you aside.

“Wha– mmf!” Another hand comes up to cover your mouth, muffling any noises you make. 

Your brain is on high alert right now, and every single self-defense lesson Jeonghan has given you kicks in as you get dragged into a dark room. You struggle against the firm hold, elbowing your captor and delivering a particularly harsh kick to the inside of their knee in hopes that they’ll let you go.

“Ow! What the fuck?”

You’re about to do it again when you realize the man sounds strangely familiar for some reason. You stop trying to attack him and bite down on the hand that’s covering your mouth instead.

“Ow!” he exclaims again, clearly in pain. You almost feel bad, almost. “What is wrong with you, seriously!”

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” you yell back, blindly following the wall to find the light. “I almost thought you were trying to kill me, and you still might be!”

“Why would I try to kill you?!”

The gears in your head start shifting as you finally get the light to work. The bulb illuminates the room as you turn to face the absolute last person you thought you were going to see today.

“Seungkwan,” you breathe, taken aback for a moment. You haven’t spoken to him in so long, and certainly not since he came back to the palace. Of course, you knew he had returned, but between all the things you had to do, you never got the chance to see him. Just looking at him now – his grown-out hair, and bruised knuckles – brings back a multitude of emotions. “What are you doing here?”

He just folds his arms, a deep frown crossing his features. “When were you going to tell me we’re getting married, Y/N?”

Shit. This is exactly the situation you were hoping to avoid. Seungkwan looks pissed off, and rightfully so.

“I’m so sorry,” you rush, the words tumbling out of your mouth. “I was at a court meeting, and everyone was pushing to hear some good news that I just didn’t have, and I just – I don’t know, I don’t know why I said your name first. I really didn’t mean to, Seungkwan, I’m really sorry.”

“So I was just convenient for you,” he says, scowling. “We haven’t spoken to each other in years, and you choose to throw me under the bus?”

“And whose fault is it?” You step closer, glaring up at him and all his audacity. “Whose fault is it that we haven’t spoken? I wrote to you almost every day for a year, and you decided to pretend I didn’t exist!”

“Did you expect me to drop all my responsibilities just for you? I was in the middle of a warzone, Y/N, I had bigger things to worry about than letters from home.”

Those words sting you into silence. Seungkwan has always been one to say things he doesn’t mean during a heated argument, but right now you have no way of knowing what’s actually on his mind.

“This is such a huge mess,” he says again after a few seconds, agitatedly running his hands through his hair. “Everyone thinks we’re actually engaged. We have to fix this somehow.”

“What, do you want me to go back and tell my father there will be no wedding because we hate each other's guts?”

“Ideally, yes.”

You raise your eyebrows in disbelief. “Seungkwan, I can’t do that!”

“And what about what I want?” It’s evident that his patience is running out, especially as his jaw tightens and his hands clench into fists. “What about my life? This is a huge decision that you made all by yourself and now I’m dragged into it for no reason other than knowing you!”

He’s right, and you know this, even as you open your mouth to retaliate. It’s certainly not fair; you aren’t even friends for you to rely on him like this right now. It was convenient – maybe that’s why Seungkwan’s name was the first on your tongue when you were being cornered with questions about your marriage.

Now, standing in front of him for the first time in years, you just miss him. You miss how close the two of you used to be, and the way things have changed makes your heart ache.

“I’ll go speak with my father right now,” you decide, peeling your eyes off of him and beelining for the door. “We still have time, we can play it off as a practical joke and pretend we had them all fooled —“

“No, wait, come back,” Seungkwan calls after a second’s hesitation, frowning again. “Don’t do that.”

“I thought you didn’t want this?”

“Absolutely not,” he grimaces, “but you’re going to cause so much trouble if you go and call it off now. Also, you’re almost twenty-five. Do you really think the court won’t push your father to make you marry Baek Doyun for political benefit? That man is a disgusting creep, especially considering all the things he’s done before.”

You narrow your eyes at him upon hearing that last part. “How do you know about that?”

“People talk,” he shrugs. “Never underestimate the palace attendants.”

“Oh, great.”

Seungkwan just observes you for a second. Those eyes have always been the most perceptive, ever since you were little kids. Not many things can get past him.

“Listen,” he starts, a little tentatively, “Baek hasn’t done anything to hurt you, has he?”

“No, never.”

“Good,” he sighs with something akin to relief. “Never liked the guy.”

You don’t question it; you barely have the energy to. Instead, you just lean against the wall, letting your head fall back onto the cement. 

“What do we do now?”

“For starters, we can’t actually get married.”

“Obviously,” you roll your eyes at him. “You’re acting like I want to be associated with you any more than I already am.”

“Clearly.”

“Shut up, Seungkwan.” 

The quiet reigns for a little while longer as you sit with him and your thoughts. Never in your life would you ever have expected things to come to this. 

“We could keep this going for a while and then say we called the engagement off,” you suggest, musing to yourself. “We could just say we realized we’re better off as friends.”

“Right,” he says under his breath, but you still hear it. Whatever. “That might be our only way out.”

You groan, dropping your head to your hands. “God, this is going to be the longest few months of my life.”

“You’re not the victim here,” Seungkwan reminds you. “I’m the one who got pulled into a relationship that I had no say in.”

There are no words on the tip of your tongue. How are you supposed to tell him you miss him while you’re still on wildly questionable terms? You can't even begin to express how badly you want things to go back to the way they were.

From where you’re standing, you sneak another glance at him. Seungkwan was always beautiful in the way that ceramics are; carefully created but also tangible, so easily slipped into daily life. 

You used to be my best friend, you catch yourself thinking as you watch him fiddle with the hem of his shirt. How did we get here?

“We should go,” you say instead. “I can’t go missing for too long before someone realizes I’m not where I’m supposed to be.”

He pulls himself to his feet. “And where are you supposed to be, Your Highness?”

“Not here,” you quip, reaching for the door handle. “I really hope you’re a stellar actor, Seungkwan. Keeping secrets from the palace is far from easy.”

You receive nothing but a dismissive sigh in return. “Worry about yourself, okay? I’ll do just fine.”

Typical, you think, but the truth is that you’ve missed the quick sarcasm that is just so very Seungkwan. 

As you leave the room with him in tow, a sense of trepidation fills the pit of your stomach. All’s well that ends well, right? 

You aren’t sure. Right now, you can only hope that this is one of those things.

There is nobody in the palace that loves you quite like Seungcheol does.

Your father likes to recount the way he used to watch over you when you were learning how to take your first steps, the way he would start bawling if you so much as got a scratch on yourself as a child. Everyone knows he would draw blood for you in a heartbeat, if it ever came to it.

However, that is not evident right now. Instead, he’s giving you a stern look from his spot on his armchair, arms folded in an attempt to look intimidating. Beside him, your sister-in-law Seoyeon is curled up in the bed with her blanket, listening in out of curiosity.

“Let me get this straight,” he says once you’re done talking. “You weren’t engaged two hours ago.”

“Yes.”

“But now you are.”

“Yes.

“To Seungkwan?”

No part of you enjoys having to lie to your brother over something you wish you could just talk to him about, but you genuinely can’t risk a single person finding out about your coverup.

“Yes,” you respond again, wincing internally. 

Seungcheol seems to be slightly taken aback. He takes a long sip of his chamomile tea before saying anything, weighing the situation in his head.

“You’re sure about this?”

“I am.”

“You know I just worry about you,” he says gently. “It’s not that I don’t trust you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy, no matter what it takes.”

“I will be,” you assure him. “He… he makes me happy.”

It feels wrong to even say that, but it seems to be good enough for Seungcheol, who just gives a small smile at your words. 

“You know, I feel like most of us saw this coming,” he remarks. “Now that I think about it, I’m not that surprised.”

“Really?”

“Well, of course. You two were essentially inseparable when you were younger. Eventually you grew up and had to go off and do your own things, but that kind of bond doesn’t just disappear overnight, does it?”

Oh, he could not be more wrong about that. If Seungkwan was here right now, he’d probably start laughing out loud. 

“Right,” is all you say, mentally folding in on yourself. 

It’s late, and especially after your little altercation with Seungkwan earlier, you’re totally spent. It feels like you’ve lived several months within the span of a few hours. What you need right now is to be wrapped under your covers and block out all of today’s events. 

When you finally bid them goodnight and retreat to your own room, the fatigue hits you like a truck. It takes everything in you to change into your nightclothes and wash up before slipping into bed, wondering what exactly you’ve gotten yourself into.

In the following days, you receive congratulations from nearly everyone, fielding a plethora of questions about the nature of your relationship. The lies come easily in the moment, but you make a mental note to get your story straight with Seungkwan later.

“You two make a dashing couple,” Jiwon, one of your ladies-in-waiting, tells you. “It was always so very obvious the young man was in love with you.”

This stops you in your tracks. “What?”

“Did you not know? There could be no other explanation for the way he looked after you,” she recollects. “Even when you weren’t aware, he was always around.”

Was that true? You have no way of knowing; you don’t remember much from your childhood or your adolescent years. Either way, all you see when he looks at you is years’ worth of resentment built up and settled like molten rock.

The hours you spend with yourself eventually blur into days that morph into weeks. You never see Seungkwan for more than an hour at a time, meeting only in the public eye or to keep each other posted on the situation. 

Somewhere, though, you think you feel the ice melting. His gaze on you is a bit warmer now, less disdainful than the first time you ran into him.

When the hour is late and you are alone, you find yourself toying with the gold band now resting on your finger. Seungkwan had given it to you last week, standing a bit awkwardly under the late afternoon sunlight.

“It was my mother’s,” he’d said quietly. The weight of the moment was enough; nothing else needed to be said as he easily slipped it on you, the metal cool against your skin.

You think about it often. With one sentence, you’ve turned such a meaningful item into a mere facade. There is no love between you and Seungkwan, at least not the way anyone would expect there to be. The relationship feels like a carefully calibrated hourglass. 

The second it’s over, the illusion will break.

The worst of it all is the public appearances, you realize. Like now, in the face of shining lights and endless smiles. This ball is in honor of you and your husband-to-be, your father had told you, but it feels like you’re being made to walk on thumbtacks for the whole kingdom to watch. To top it all off, your dress feels awfully restricting, and you want nothing more than peace and quiet.

Seungkwan is not so far from you, greeting people you can barely remember the names of. He looks painfully good tonight, dark brown hair pushed back in a way you’ve never seen before. His burgundy suit compliments him nicely, and you try to ignore how he’s managed to match certain tones of your dress.

Your eyes drift over to your brother and Seoyeon, calmly sitting at their places and watching the liveliness of the night. Seeing them exist in their own happy bubble makes you mourn what you can’t have. 

“Hey.” You jolt at the light touch of a hand on your shoulder, but upon turning around, it’s just your fiancé. “Doing alright?”

The sudden tenderness has you on edge, but you nod anyway. 

“Do you want to sit?”

“No, I’m okay,” you decline, looking everywhere, anywhere but his eyes. “You should dance, you know. That’s sort of the whole point of this thing.”

“But you’re not dancing,” Seungkwan huffs, lips pulled into a small pout.

“So?”

He looks down at you curiously now, mouth parting ever so slightly. “Why would I dance without you?”

That you don't know how to respond to. It reminds you too much of the way things used to be. A package deal, you used to call yourselves. 

Instead, you simply offer him your hand with a small smile. “Shall we, then?”

The feeling of his fingers intertwined with yours sends a rush of heat to your face that you can’t deny. This confuses you, he confuses you.

Or maybe it’s because you’ve had a little too much champagne tonight. You can’t tell which it is, and maybe it’s better that way.

Seungkwan looks a bit nervous as you pull him towards the dance floor, weaving in between swaying couples. You raise your eyebrows at him as if to ask, ‘What’s wrong?’

“I could not tell you the last time I had to do this,” he confesses shyly. “I really can’t dance.”

“All those years in the palace and nobody ever taught you?”

“Not the time.”

“Do as I say and you won’t fall on your face,” you instruct, pulling him a little closer to you. “Now put your right hand on my waist.”

Seungkwan just stares at you blankly. “You want me to what now?”

“Just do it,” you hiss, ignoring your heart doing double time. “Okay, good, just keep mirroring me now. There’s really nothing more to it.”

“Everyone makes this look a lot easier than it is,” he grumbles, nearly tripping over his own feet.

“Yes, you are far more nimble with a sword in your hand,” you tease lightly. “Spin me, would you?”

“As you wish,” he relents, twirling you carefully in time with the beat. There are onlookers now, cheering on your semblance of a happy couple, and you can feel everyone’s eyes on you. The music almost makes you forget everything that’s currently on your mind – no, nothing but the song and Seungkwan’s gentle hold on your waist to think about.

You make the mistake of meeting his eyes. Seungkwan freezes, your breath catching on the moment, and the next thing you know he’s stumbling over thin air, trying to keep himself on his feet.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” he’s apologizing to the people around him, giving you a pleading look that says I can’t do this. It’s hard to stifle the giggle that escapes your lips, and before you know it, you’re laughing with each other over the silliness of it all.

“You truly do have two left feet,” you remark, following him away from the dance floor. Seungkwan just chuckles in amusement.

“I did warn you before, you just chose not to believe me.”

“Well, my bad for trying to teach you something new today.”

“Trust me, your efforts were likely in vain.” He turns, eyes settling on you. There is something about this angle that makes him look a little ethereal. Maybe it’s the chandelier light illuminating the soft slope of his face.

“What is it?” you ask, when his gaze lingers a little too long. Seungkwan leans a little closer so you can hear him above the surrounding commotion. 

“You look beautiful,” he says, a tad delicately. “The maroon is a very nice color on you.”

“Oh. Thank you,” comes your unwieldy reply to the compliment that you weren’t expecting. “You clean up rather nicely, too.”

He was never good at taking any sort of flattery, and you recall this as you watch a light pink slowly coat his cheeks. It’s cute, you almost think, before kicking yourself for the stray notion.

“Your Lord Baek has been eyeing us all night,” he informs you, shedding his suit coat. “For what, I have no idea, but it’s a little weird, no?”

You scowl at him. “He’s not mine, don’t say that.”

“He would have been if it wasn’t for me ending up as your sacrificial lamb,” he points out, and you can’t argue against that. “I have half a mind to go over there and cause a scene.”

Your eyes widen with alarm. “Seungkwan, don’t do that!”

“I won’t,” he promises reluctantly, but you can tell it’s still bothering him for whatever reason. “When’s he leaving, anyway?”

“A few weeks, maybe?” You can’t remember exactly, but you must have overheard him speaking to your father about it a while ago. “In any case, soon. And thank god for it.”

Seungkwan hums in agreement, fingers idling on the edge of the table. He looks good in his vest, sleeves of his shirt rolled up to just below his elbows. You realize you like how his arms fill out the sleeves, unassumingly strong under the light fabric.

He takes another sip of his wine, pulling a face at the flavor, and looks at you with an impish glint in his eyes. “Do you want to leave?”

You give him a look. “Are you suggesting sneaking away from my own party?”

“Well, you definitely don’t look like you want to be here,” he notes, and he couldn’t be more correct. It makes you wonder how he still knows you so well after all this time. “So is that a yes, or…?”

“Yes,” you say immediately, already rising. “Please. Let’s get out of here.”

“Called it,” Seungkwan smirks, picking up his jacket and following as you slip through the crowd unnoticed. Your fingers just barely brush amidst the chaos, and you resist the urge to reach back and pull him along with you. 

The balcony is freeing, the gentle night breeze refreshing on your face. It’s a little cold, but you don’t really mind it just yet, ignoring it for the lovely view you’re taking in right now. 

“Feeling better?”

“A little.” You turn and look at him, mirroring your stance as he leans on the railing, observing you quietly. “Seungkwan, I’m sorry.”

His eyebrows raise in confusion as if to say, ‘What for?’

“All of this,” you say, vaguely gesturing towards the ballroom you’ve just left behind. “It’s a lot, and you didn’t ask for it.”

Seungkwan doesn’t meet the apologetic gaze you cast on him, stray strands of hair escaping his well-styled bangs. 

“It’s not the worst,” he points out. “Your father and brother don’t dislike me, which is what I was most worried about.”

“Are you kidding?” you ask, astonished. “That should be the least of your worries. They might like you more than me, honestly.”

He just laughs to himself, cheeks pink. “It’s nice of you to say that. Makes it a little easier to continue the act until our fake divorce.”

“We’re not married yet,” you remind him.

“Ah, right.”

It’s so easy to slip into a comfortable silence with Seungkwan, it always has been. You are not a woman of many words, and you like being able to bask in the quiet without constantly thinking of something new to say. 

In a way, not much has changed.

“So,” he starts, “how are we breaking this news to everyone?”

“I hadn’t thought that far yet,” you confess, pondering. “But everything’s gone by so fast, hasn’t it? A few months ago I was sort of doing my own thing and now I’m engaged to a guy who hates me.”

Seungkwan looks at you sharply, a peculiar expression on his face. “I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t need to lie to me, you know.”

“I’m being honest,” he insists, taking a step closer to you in earnest. “Was I upset when I found out what happened? Yeah, of course. Was it awkward that that was how we reconnected after a long time apart? Sure. But I can never, in good conscience, say that I hate you.” 

“That is certainly a relief,” is what you come up with after struggling for a few seconds. “Again, I’m really sorry for dragging you into this. At least you can enjoy the status of prince consort-to-be for a while,” you joke.

Seungkwan just frowns. “Y/N, I don’t care about the title. I care about you.”

The abrupt confession catches you off guard, more than you’d like to admit. You don’t know what to say to that, but you believe every word.

“We’ve been friends for so many years,” he continues with a soft smile. “You aren’t just anyone to me.”

Oh, you wish you had a wine glass in your hand right now. You can’t be sober for this, you think, as you return his warm demeanor while a strange feeling settles in your stomach.

“Good to know,” you manage. “That does ease my mind a little.”

“I’m glad.”

Seungkwan’s eyes shine under the moon’s soft glow. It takes you back to when you were a little girl, so hesitantly enamored by him and his heartfelt presence in your life. The wind stings your eyes, blowing away the memory, and then he is asking you if you want to go back inside.

“Go ahead,” you tell him, “I’ll be out in a bit.”

He lingers beside you still, like he’s wondering whether to insist or not. You place a careful hand on his arm.

“I just need a few minutes more of fresh air,” you explain. “I’ll join you soon, I promise.”

Wordlessly, he nods, slipping his jacket off his shoulders and draping it over your own. His fingertips barely graze your skin, but for some reason, you are hyper-aware of it.

“Stay warm,” he says, voice tinged with concern. “Please don’t catch a cold.”

“I won’t.”

“Good.” He smiles again, a sun in the night’s darkness. 

The moment is tender, like if you don’t reach out and grab it, it’ll slip through your fingers. You refrain from saying anything in response as he leaves you to yourself, looking over your shoulder as he walks away.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you,” you murmur softly, but Seungkwan is already gone.

The day Jeonghan returns, there is a downpour from hell.

You’ve been cozying up in your usual nook of the library as it rains outside, curled up in one of the large armchairs with a rather interesting novel in your lap. Engrossed in the pages, you don’t notice anything amiss until you hear a familiar, silvery voice near your ear.

“Miss me yet, Your Highness?”

The sudden greeting almost has you jumping, and your first instinct is to turn around and slam your heavy book into the man’s face.

“Ow!” Jeonghan clutches his nose, face contorted in pain. Seungkwan stands behind him, leaning on a bookshelf and watching the scene with amusement. “What was that for?!”

“Sorry, sorry! I didn’t know it was you!” You rise to your feet, checking him for any signs of serious injury. “You know I have violent reflexes, you knew better than to do that!”

“I come home from war and the first thing you do is attack me?!”

Seungkwan just shrugs from his spot. “Don’t look at me. I told him not to do it.”

“Very helpful,” Jeonghan huffs, poking and prodding at his now swollen nose. “What a warm welcome the two of you are giving me, really, considering how few and far between our reunions are.”

You soften at that, going in for a long overdue hug. He smells of rusted metal and fresh soil, likely from his long time spent on the battlefield. His hair is longer now, tied back and out of his face with a simple cloth string, and he looks a little more weary than last time.

Every time you see him again, he has changed somewhat, but also not quite at all. There will always be that inkling of mischief in his eye until the day he dies.

“So,” Jeonghan says, still nursing his sore nose, “the second I leave the kingdom is when you two decide to get engaged, huh?”

You and Seungkwan exchange a look that’s somewhere between surprise and alarm. He shakes his head ever so slightly, answering the question you didn’t need to ask. 

No, not just yet.

“And you didn’t even write to me!” Jeonghan sulks, giving the two of you a betrayed look. “I can’t believe you had the gall to fall in love and not tell me about it.”

“Um…” You are not quite sure what to say to that, considering it wasn’t what happened at all. “Surprise?”

“Anyway,” he continues, “I’m not so shocked. I knew this was bound to happen at some point.”

“Everyone keeps saying that,” Seungkwan grumbles.

“Because it’s true! Don’t you know that Y/N here used to – Ow! Again?!”

You glare at Jeonghan as he recovers from your swift punch. “Keep your mouth closed and I might not attack you a third time.”

“You are insane,” he scolds you, massaging his arm. “I don’t even see what the problem here is.”

As a last desperate effort, you implore him with pleading eyes to stay silent. He doesn’t look like he understands what’s going on, but he relents anyway, leaving the subject of your childhood crush alone.

“What?” Seungkwan laughs, eyes darting between the both of you. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you blurt out, a little too fast. Jeonghan has to physically look down to conceal the laugh that’s threatening to bubble out of his throat at any moment, and you can tell. “Seungkwan, shouldn’t you be at training right now, anyways?”

“Well, yes, but Jeong–”

One pointed look from you is enough to silence him, it’s almost funny. “Yes ma’am,” he gives in ruefully. “I suppose I’ll see you after I get beat up to the point of exhaustion, then. Visit me on my deathbed.”

“Seungkwan, you’ll be fine.”

After a bit of grumbling, he finally leaves – you wait until he’s out of earshot before fixing Jeonghan with a pointed glare.

“Yoon Jeonghan, you little bastard.”

“Now that is hardly appropriate language for a princess,” he remarks, promptly receiving a well-aimed smack from you.

“I can’t believe you were about to reveal everything just then!”

“Why are you so pressed about it? He’s literally your fiancé!” Jeonghan’s face falls a little at your prolonged silence. “Oh. There is something you’re not telling me.”

“You’re either going to be so mad or you will laugh at me,” you say truthfully.

“I really hope it’s the latter. Please don’t hit me again,” he adds, ready to dodge you. “Alright, what is it?”

“Well, Seungkwan and I…” You wince, trying to word this correctly. “We aren’t actually engaged.”

Jeonghan just stares at you, confused. “What? But you’ve got a ring and everything!”

“I know,” you sigh, absentmindedly fiddling with the golden band, “but it’s all fake.”

He blinks once, then again, still processing. “So there will be no wedding?”

“Nope. We’re planning on calling it off right after Doyun departs.”

“Who’s that?”

“Long story.”

“I have time.”

Where do you even start? The past month and a half has been such a chaotic blur that you don’t know what to begin with. Agitated, you put your head in your hands, tugging at your hair. 

“You’re frustrated,” Jeonghan observes.

“Nice one, genius.”

“You know,” he says conversationally, “I don’t think you would be so upset if you didn’t have any feelings.”

You raise your head, distraught. “Feelings about what?”

Jeonghan gives you a look. “I think you know exactly who I'm talking about.”

His words take no more than a couple of seconds to click, gears shifting in your brain. You pin him with a stern glare.

“I do not like Seungkwan.”

“I didn’t even say it was Seungkwan,” he replies, a mischievous smile playing at his lips.

“But you were thinking it!”

“Well, you are not a psychic.”

A part of you wonders if you should never have confessed to your inconsequential crush all those years ago. After all, it had just been a result of confusing feelings at a young age, when you were just learning what being in love felt like.

But things are different now. You and Seungkwan have comfortably fallen back into your friendship, and it’s as easy as breathing. The last thing you need is old emotions resurfacing and ruining it all.

“That was a long time ago,” you say, not sure if you’re trying to convince Jeonghan or yourself. “It’s not like that anymore. Either way, I’m not sure how often I’ll see him after this whole thing is over.”

“More than you will see me,” he quips. “Really, Y/N, you know that he cares very much about you.”

“He didn’t talk to me when he was away for years,” you sulk.

He’s quiet – you know it’s because you’re right, and neither of you have an explanation for a question only Seungkwan can answer. 

But in the days that follow, Jeonghan’s words echo in your mind. You see Seungkwan less and less; every time you run into him, he seems to have an excuse on the tip of your tongue, and you can’t help but wonder what has happened.

You don’t say anything, though, with fear that you might scare him away if you bring it up. Instead, you leave it be, letting him stay at arm’s length and ignoring the dull ache you feel when he’s not around.

And sometimes, you wonder whether Jeonghan might have been onto something. The idea keeps you up at night, into the hours just before daylight knocks on your window. 

One night in particular has you strangely restless, unable to fall asleep even though the clock reads half past four in the morning. Your room feels awfully stuffy, like you’re cornered into one place, and the sudden need for fresh air overcomes you. Exhausted, you pull on some warmer clothes before slipping into the hall, heading for the gardens near the extensive training grounds.

You used to come here all the time when you were younger, too, always your safe haven. There is something about being surrounded by nature that puts you at ease. Like now, as you settle in your spot on the bench, chin in the palm of your hand.

However, your peace is abruptly interrupted at the sound of careful footsteps. You turn, and grimace at the sight of your unwelcome visitor. 

“It seems quite unsafe for a young woman to be out alone at this time,” Doyun says, approaching you slowly. 

“The palace is fairly secure, sir,” you reply curtly. “I wonder what you are doing roaming around before the sun is even up.”

“I am set to depart at dawn,” he informs you, taking a seat as well. Instinctively, you move over to put space between you and him. 

“Then I wish you a safe journey.”

There is an uncanny, knowing smile on his face. “Although, I might not need to leave so soon,” he drawls, “if I still have the opportunity to fulfill what I originally came here for.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. “What are you talking about?”

“I have to admit, you and your friend play the part of a happy couple amusingly well. Almost had me fooled,” he says. “But every act has a weak link.”

“Sir, this isn’t what you think it is –”

“Oh, but it’s exactly that. And it was a smart plan, too. It’s such a shame you couldn’t see it through.”

You fold in on yourself, somewhat of a shield against the early morning breeze. “What are you trying to say?”

“Just that your father might appreciate a heads up about your little arrangement.” The expression he’s wearing fills you with dread. “Don’t you think he deserves to know what’s happening under his nose?”

“Nothing is happening,” you reiterate. “Don’t involve yourself in things that do not require your input.”

“Does this not involve me?” he asks incredulously, shifting closer. “I’ve traveled all this way only to be abruptly shoved aside for a farce. Do you not think it’s unfair?”

You open your mouth to retaliate, but you’re beat to it.

“Get up.”

Seungkwan is, for lack of a better word, seething. His face is pulled into that serious frown he wears whenever he’s particularly displeased. You stand slowly, slightly confused as to how he knew you were here.

“No, not you,” he says, eyes softening as they flicker over to you for just a second. “Do I have to tell you twice? Get up.”

Doyun rises to his feet, a tiny smirk playing on his lips. “Is that how you speak to your guests?”

“Yes. Particularly those who wear out their welcome.” 

The tension is thick in the air. The feeling of being caught red-handed has somewhat settled, but you have no way of knowing what’s going to happen next.

“And who are you to tell me what to do?” Doyun snickers. “You are just a soldier boy with nothing to your name.”

“He’s much more than that,” you say sharply, “and I pity your ignorance to the fact.”

“Come on, Y/N –”

“That’s my fiancée you’re talking to. You will address her properly,” Seungkwan cuts in. His voice is harsh, and his anger is evident through the glare he’s currently sporting. “You are not fit to even speak her name.”

Caught up in the conversation, you hadn’t realized how much time has passed, but the first few rays of sunlight are beginning to peek out over the horizon. It’s getting a little warmer now, the gardens bathed in the minimal sunshine. 

Doyun just shakes his head. “You two are impossible to reason with,” he says. “If you cannot clearly see how bad of an idea this is, Your Highness, then I suppose I will have to cut my losses. But don’t expect any sort of cooperation if you find yourself running back.”

“Fine by me,” you snap, tired of the conversation already..

It’s almost comical, the way that he walks away with a vindictive air about him. You don’t even clock the sigh of relief you let out when his silhouette disappears in the morning fog, sinking back into the wooden bench.

“Are you okay?” Seungkwan takes the first hesitant step towards you, then another. You just scowl up at him in annoyance.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook,” you say menacingly. “I can’t believe you’ve been avoiding me for so long and this is how you resurface again.”

“I wasn’t –”

“Please, Seungkwan, I’ve had a long day and the sun is barely even up yet.” You rub your temples, a headache already starting to form. “How did you find me, anyway?”

“You’re always here.” He says it simply, like it’s just a fact of life. “I saw you on my way to the training grounds, but you weren’t alone, so I just wanted to see what was going on,” he grimaces, “and I’m glad I did.”

“Right,” you mutter. “I hope pretending to care about me has made you feel infinitely better about yourself.”

Seungkwan frowns. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that I don’t hate you until you finally believe me?” He looks at you pleadingly, but what exactly he’s asking of you, you can’t really tell. “Do you honestly think I would have played along all this time if I disliked you at all?”

“Seungkwan, I’m tired.” You put your head in your hands, overwhelmed. “Doyun will be gone in a couple of hours, so you can pull out of this anytime you want.”

“Y/N –”

“Please.”

It’s ironic how even through your various disagreements it’s easy to understand each other’s unfinished sentences. Seungkwan releases a pained exhale.

“Fine,” he says softly. “We’ll talk later.”

A part of you feels guilty that no matter how much time or space you’ve needed, he has always been ready to give it to you, and all you do is take. Maybe after a few hours’ rest you’ll feel up to speaking to him again, you think, watching his retreating figure with a dull ache in your chest. 

The sun is up, and the morning dew is long gone. You have no choice but to face another day.

“You’re the biggest idiot to ever walk this earth.”

Those had been Yoon Jeonghan’s parting words to you. You felt like you might cry as you hugged him tightly, hoping he’d carry the fond memories through the next several months he would be away. Seungkwan had stood a little behind the two of you, just out of earshot, though you knew he was trying not to tear up, too.

“You might be right,” you mumbled, eyes on the ground. “It’s all going to crash and burn, and then he and I will never speak again.”

“Well, you never know. But if you don’t do anything about it, I will personally come find you and hunt you down.” Jeonghan chuckled, a tiny twinkle in his eye. “When I come back, you better have married the man for real.”

“Jeonghan!”

He had just laughed, ruffling your hair affectionately. “Trust me, Your Highness. I have a good sixth sense about these things.”

That had been several hours ago, and your last real conversation with Seungkwan was even further in the past. 

Things had gotten busy, and between the days that whirled by the two of you hadn’t properly talked. And it stings, knowing the distance between you and your best friend is slowly growing, but you don’t even know if he wants to hear from you right now.

There are so many things you want to say and not enough words. The emotions dance on the tip of your tongue, but no further. But for how long now?

No. 

You toss your book aside in frustration. Enough of the constant restlessness and anxiety; you can’t keep living like this, you realize, hoarding all the things you feel in your brain. The sudden burst of courage has you on your feet, nearly sprinting to your door.

When you open it, Seungkwan is already standing there.

“Oh,” you blurt out. His arm is still raised to the door, as if he was just about to knock, and his feet are frozen to the ground in front of you. He looks a little disheveled, like he’s been running. “Come in?”

Seungkwan hesitates for just a second before following you through the doorway. “Thank you,” he says gently. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”

“No, you weren’t,” you say, sitting on the edge of your bed. “Did you need something?”

There is a moment’s silence. The words he hasn’t said yet hang suspended in the air, and you wait for them apprehensively.

“I figured we should come out with the truth now,” he says slowly, eyes darting everywhere but you. “You know, now that there aren’t any more reasons not to.”

You can’t put a name to the rush of emotion in your body. You should be relieved right now. Why aren’t you? A deep trepidation fills you instead, settling in your bones, but you don’t dare to put your finger on the reason behind it. 

“Right,” you say curtly. “We probably should.”

Seungkwan sighs, the exhaustion evident in his rounded shoulders. He pulls the stool he’s sitting on closer to you, placing a comforting hand on your wrist.

“It’s for the best,” he assures you. “You heard what Baek Doyun said that day.”

You’re already shaking your head before he finishes the sentence. “No, Seungkwan, he’s wrong.”

“You deserve every good thing in this universe,” he tells you, “every beautiful moment that exists in time. But I can’t give that to you, no matter how much I wish I could, and it hurts to be near you when it’s all so very impossible.”

Your breath catches in your throat at the honest, tender words. “What are you saying?”

Seungkwan smiles ruefully. “I am just the son of a soldier, Y/N. I have nothing more to offer you than the blood on my hands.”

“That is not true,” you say earnestly. “If it were, you know my father would never have agreed to all of this.”

“I don’t care about your father’s approval!” The words leave his mouth with a burst of frustration that surprises you. “The only opinion I choose to worry about is yours. You have to know that.”

“Why?”

The look in his eyes is one you could never forget – it’s vulnerable, with a hint of something else you can’t quite place. It scares and exhilarates you at the same time.

“Please don’t make me answer that question,” he whispers softly, mere inches from your face.

Something propels you to reach forward wordlessly, your hands gently cradling Seungkwan’s face. Come here, your fingertips say. Let me heal you. Come home.

Slowly, carefully, you bring your mouth to his. It’s everything one would think it shouldn’t be — hesitant, nerve wracking — but it’s right. 

When you pull away, he’s looking at you in awe.

“You just kissed me,” he says incredulously.

You reach for him, taking his hand in yours. It’s calloused and rough, and yet it feels just right against your own smooth palm.

“If the only thing you can give me is the blood on your hands,” you murmur, “then I gladly accept.”

For all of the next few seconds, Seungkwan does not move. And then, you feel his fingers encircling your wrist, his other hand coming up to carefully hold the back of your neck.

The kiss is both searing and soothing, somehow. He tastes faintly of tangerines, the citrus flavor tangy on your mouth, and his lips are impossibly soft as they move against yours. You could freeze time and stay here forever, you think, in the arms of a man who knows you like it’s the only way home. It’s something strangely akin to heaven on earth.

“I hope you meant every second of that,” you tell him, when you come up for air.

Seungkwan smiles — a bright, gorgeous thing that could put even the sun to shame. 

“Every second,” he answers. It’s a promise. “Every moment in time. For as long as you will let me.”

Dear Jeonghan,

You will be elated to know that I am no longer the idiot you proclaimed I was. Sure, I was being a little stupid, but aren’t we all sometimes? And you can’t say you aren’t, because I have many stories to prove you wrong.

In other news, Seungkwan and I have called off our engagement. For the time being, at least. We wanted to have some time to just be, you know? Take this relationship at our own pace, and make up for all the lost time we had spent dancing around each other instead. It turns out we were equally apprehensive about our feelings and ended up avoiding each other for weeks on end, can you believe that? 

Actually, you probably can. I bet you knew how he felt this whole time, you devil.

You know, I was a little afraid to tell Father and Seungcheol the truth, but they were quite understanding about it. It feels lighter now, too, without this secret to carry. You were right.

It’s summer now, and most everything seems right with the world. Only thing left is having you back here — Seungkwan will never say it to your face, but he complains about missing you nearly every day, as do I. 

Anyways, I’ll try and keep this short. Come back safely, okay? When Seungkwan and I do eventually start planning our wedding, we want you to be there for it. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

Okay, I will really leave you to it this time. Write us back when you can; it is always wonderful to hear from you.

Lots of love, 

Y/N (and Seungkwan!)

if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading, your support means a lot to me! much love, ashi xx

[parks-and-get-wrekt]

The Robins (plus Duke) as moments from the try guys episode where they get kidnapped

(The last one of these did pretty well and I have more to share so)

Kidnappers: where’s your phone?

Dick: it dropped outside

Kidnappers: why’s it outside? Why’s it not on you?

Dick: I don’t like the way it makes my pants look

Duke: what’s being kidnapped usually like? Is it like an escape room?

Jason: it’s more like a bdsm room

Dick: Oo-Kay

Tim: I was afraid of being kidnapped as a kid. And there was this one nightmare I remember, where the kidnappers got to me and I just started screaming “I love you”

Dick: the royal family have to get trained for live kidnapping situations. Meghan Markle had to go through a kidnapping scenario like we did today. So I’m basically… married to prince Harry. Except I’m gonna have a better dress

Stephanie: I’m gonna put the nap in kidnap!

Duke: (talking about Batman’s survival training) he’s the kind of guy who goes into the woods and bites into raccoon neck for like, sustenance

Jason: I’m not scared, I’m kind of like… hard. Nope that wasn’t the word I wanted to say

*laughter from his siblings*

Jason: I meant hard like I’m tough not hard like, stop laughing dickhead I didn’t mean it that way

Dick: (clutching his stomach and cackling)

Stephanie: Tim’s the best at strategy because he plays a lot of board games, Jason and Damian are obviously the craziest. Me? I can create a distraction. Then we’ll throw Duke at them and run away

Duke: what?

Dick: now I’ve heard of Stockholm syndrome which is where you fall in love with your kidnapper. I’m not saying that’s gonna happen today, but that could happen today

Jason: you look so stupid right now

Tim: *messing with his handcuffs* thank you

Tim: wait, can I just- *starts pulling his hand out*

Others: slender wrists! Slender wrists! Slender wrists!

Duke: have any of you ever been in a situation like this?

Damian: I got into a cab once, it was going in circles and the driver kept changing directions and talking on the phone. Eventually I just put a knife to his throat.

Dick: I’m the run guy, he’s the stab guy

Jason: this is some dark shit y’all

Stephanie: is it weird that I’m excited?

Damian: *immediately kicks a henchman’s leg and makes a run for it when they put hoods over everyone’s heads* *gets caught and brought back to the others*

Dick: (conversationally) hey Dami how’d you do?

Damian: I made it about 50 yards

Stephanie: oh that’s pretty far

Random henchman: get down on the floor! No talking!

Dick: (lying facedown) what about singing?

Henchman: (kicks dust over him)

*muffled laughter from the other kids*

Stephanie: (mocking the others bc she’s not actually adopted) you’ll never get away with this, my dad is a very powerful man. Ooooh when my dad finds out about this

Tim: (giggling)

Jason: okay I’ve got a bunch of tape, what did you all get?

Duke: I got zip ties

Dick: I’m handcuffed pretty tight

Tim: wanna trade?

Jason: (motioning to a lock pick shiv he’s got in a secret pocket) okay unzip my pants

Dick: (unsure what’s going on but down for it) okay yeah

Tim: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sweating like crazy right now. Feel my hand

Jason: no I don’t need to feel it that’s gross

Tim: I think I can just slip out

Duke: oh no way

Stephanie: his sweat lubed it up!

Dick: Tim’s anxiety is the best secret weapon

(During interrogations)

Duke: wait you guys it sounds like they’re torturing Jason

Jason: (In the distance) ow my dick!

Stephanie: *barely holding back laughter*

Damian: Drake you know what you have to do now, when they’re torturing you you have to slip out and kill them

Tim: *concern*

*the goons returning from an interrogations*

*muffled giggling as the kids try to get their hoods and restraints back on*

Dick: wait, help!

Stephanie: you’re on your own man!

*individual interrogations*

Goons: so who has the most money?

Jason: oh Tim definitely (immediately throwing him under the bus)

Goons: wow you really don’t hesitate to give each other up do you?

Goons: *spray something in Dick’s face*

Dick: is that axe body spray?

Dick: oh that’s really bad actually

Goon #1: disgusting isn’t it?

Dick: (cheerfully) yeah!

Goon #2: purest form of torture

Goons: so apparently this group’s leader is Tim

Tim: what are you talking about?

Goons: on your feet Timmy

Tim: oh I’ll do that, that’s fine, I just want it to be on the record that I am the leader, I’m the number one (being dragged away)

*interrogation room*

Goon #1: this is bear mace, you ever been bear maced?

Duke: I have not seen bear mace no, I can guess though, that it’s mace but bear strength

Jason: *trying to help get Dick’s hood off with his hands tied* come towards me I can probably do it with my knees

Dick: wha- you can just use your hands. You’re just humping my head

Stephanie: (joining the chaos) no wait hold still

*inaudible hump talk*

Stephanie and Jason: 1 2 3, go!

*they actually manage to get the hood off*

Dick: it did work, but it was super awful

*interrogation room*

Tim: I don’t know if you know this but nobody loves me, it’s kind of my shtick

Goons: who has the money?!

Tim: (rattling off business statistics)

Goon #1: you just like to babble and spit out a bunch of shit huh?

Duke: it’s how I think when I’m nervous!

Goon #2: how do you talk when you’re in pain?

Duke: pretty much the same

Goon: what’s wrong with you?!

Tim: oh so many things

*back in the main room*

Stephanie: (as she’s being dragged away) may I just say that you’re doing a great job, you have a beautiful operation here

Goon: *insults Damian*

Damian: I’ll remember that when I cut off your head

Stephanie: *fixing Duke’s hood to look like Yoda ears*

Tim: I told them my shtick is that nobody loves me

Dick: we love you!

Tim: okay then you pay my f*cking random

Damian: not all of us

Jason: (to Duke) (with authority) interrogation 101, you give them nothing dude

Goons: *forcing Tim to stand in a wall sit position*

Tim: oh is this exercise? This is gonna be so uncomfortable

Dick: oh! We got it! We got it!

*the others shushing him*

Dick: okay yeah shh you guys, shh, we got it!

*the kids walking away mostly barefoot after escaping*

Stephanie: (holding up the hoods) I’m keeping this as a souvenir!

Dick: lets just go until we find like-

Tim: a Starbucks

Duke: does it have to be a Starbucks?

Tim: it has to be a Starbucks I want a caramel macchiato

Jason: can we get fro-yo?

Stephanie: I’m very proud of myself, I escaped and I annoyed my captors relentlessly

Dianian: they probably would have killed you first as a message to the rest of us

Tim: I would like the record to state that they called me the leader

[neochan]

GENRE | smut, idolverse!

WARNINGS | smut

WC | 2.6k +

A.N | this is a repost of my older work. i hope you enjoy it <3

You could still hear the unintelligible screaming of thousands of fans as the boys filtered off the stage and into the greenroom. Another successful concert in the long string of tour stops. You couldn’t even remember what state you were in because the days of traveling, unpacking, setting up, and doing it all again the next day ran together.

The boys were dripping sweat, immediately grabbing bottles of water and towels to wipe themselves off. They had worked harder than normal today since during one of the sets the microphone cut out and they had to perform acapella. Someone was getting fired for that.

Taeyong flopped onto the leather couch dominating the center of the room, water in one hand, phone in the other. “People are already uploading photos.” He outstretches his arm so the others could view the pictures pulled up on his screen.

“Johnny you look ridiculous,” you point out, laughing as a fan had caught Johnny in the act of wildly waving his light stick.

“I was having a good time, okay?” He chuckles and walks into the dressing rooms to change out of his stage outfit. Half of the group filtered out to change and half stayed to peruse through the gifts left by venue staff and play on their phones until told otherwise.

You were wondering where Hyuck was when you heard his voice from the hallway. He saunters in and gives you a kiss on the cheek, “Enjoy the show?” His golden skin was tainted pink, hair matted to his forehead by the sweat that was trickling down the side of his face. He grabbed his shirt and lifted it to swipe at his face, revealing his cute tummy. You had to resist the urge to poke it.

“I enjoyed hearing thousands of pretty fans scream your name” You give him a smirk knowing that he hates when you downplay your relationship.

He nudges you with his shoulder, “You know I meant the songs,” his doe eyes look into yours, his long lashes brushing against his cheek when he blinked “Besides, you know I love you and only you.”

Mark began to nervously giggle in the corner while Doyoung made fake gagging noises from the vanity he sat at. “Oh, shut up.” You say, throwing empty water bottles at the two, “And hurry up I wanna go swimming before it gets too late.”

The ride home was peaceful once the swarms of fans cleared a path for the bus. Per the managers request you slouched down in your seat so know one could see you through the window. It didn’t make much sense because the windows were tinted, but Haechan had to argue for his life to allow them to let you tag along on the tour, so you didn’t question them. Once you were on the road, you sat back up and snuggled close to Haechans side. He rested his hand on your thigh, absentmindedly stroking you with his thumb. His head leaned back against the seat, eyes closed, listening to music. It was so loud you could almost make out the words but you didn’t say anything – you let him stay in his post concert utopia for the whole trip.

The hotel was about an hour away from the venue so that no one would find them, and they’d be closer to their next destination. It was nicer than the others because it actually had a pool. You and Haechan made an agreement to go swimming after the concert, and you couldn’t wait. The staff also rented more rooms, so instead of four people to a bed, it was just you and Haechan.

After checking in everyone filtered off to their rooms leaving the both of you to freely do whatever you wanted - within reason of course. You both got changed, your gaze admiring the hard lines of Haechans back. “Don’t stare.” He blushed, wrapping a towel around his upper body.

You pulled on your bikini which made Haechan go silent. You specifically picked this one because it brought out your skin tone well, and cupped your features beautifully. “Now who’s staring?”

It never failed. The butterfly feeling you got in the pit of your stomach when Haechan watched you with loving eyes. You wrapped a towel around your waist, allowing Haechans eyes to roam the tops of your breasts, peeking out from the almost too small bathing suit.

His cheeks turned pink once he noticed he was caught, “Let’s go”.

The hallways were quiet since it was almost midnight, so you wordlessly made your way down the stairs and out into the night air. It had grown considerably cooler than when guys first arrived that morning, but the sky made up for it. Pretty stars pricked the vast expanse of dark blue and black infinity. You could see the moon peaking out from behind a single cloud, casting a shadowed glow on Haechans honey skin.

The gate was closed when you walked up to it so you stopped to read, “Aw man, the pool closed an hour ago,” You set your lips in a pout, “no wonder the lights weren’t on.”

“Hey it’s okay, no lights, no cameras, they probably wont even notice we’re here if we keep quiet.” He moves closer to you, eyebrows raised expectant for an answer.

You hesitated wondering if you really could pull it off, after all you’d been looking forward to this for the whole day, “I don’t wanna get in trouble..”

“You said you wanted to swim and I’m going to make sure that happens,” He gets down on one knee, “step on my leg, I'm gonna help you jump the fence.”

He boots you over, and grabs your arms to help lower you on the other side, but his hand slips and his nails dig into your shoulder. “Ow, fuck.” You wince rubbing the spot he scratched.

“Sorry, sorry” He says giggling, jumping the fence with such quietness and ease that it looked unreal. “Come on, dare you to do a canon ball!?”

He ran ahead throwing his towel on one of the pool chairs and jumping in the water. You cringe away from the loud slap his body hitting the water made. You walk slowly to the chair, deeply inhaling the addictive chlorine scent.

He finally stands up waist deep in the water and pushes his hair back. The blue water reflected against him, making his skin sparkle. “Come into the water y/n” he splashed some water into your general direction, but not enough to touch you.

“Okay, Okay.” You drop the towel and slip into the water. It was cold. Really cold. You gasp and recoil away, but not fast enough, because Haechan has wrapped his arms around you and started carrying you towards the deep end. You struggle a bit in his grip but his arms provide an iron cage that you can’t get out of. “Haechan let me go!”

He presses a warm kiss to the back on your neck but doesn’t comply with your wishes, instead making a curve and bringing you towards the underwater benches. He fixes his hold on you so that now he’s carrying you bridal style. You stare up at him, water droplets falling off his chin. His eyes were already red from the chlorine and you hoped that it cleared up by tomorrow nights concert. His plush lips sat in a pout, strong jaw set. He was so very pretty; and all yours. You smiled to yourself, deciding to keep that image locked away in your memory forever.

Once he gets to the benches he sets you down and glides in beside you. “You know It’s colder than I thought it was going to be.” He lifts a hand and sheepishly rubs the back of heck, “and you look way hotter in that bikini than I thought you would.”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a dig or a compliment.” You scoot closer to him so that your thighs were pressed against each other. Finding his hand underwater, you intertwine your fingers with his own.

“A compliment babe.” He chuckles and slouches in the water so that only his head sat above it. You both sit there for a moment until it becomes too cold to sit still.

“Well I’m going to put it to use and go swim.” You push off from the cement and paddle around. The only way to stay slightly warm was to keep moving. Haechan watched you, eyes crinkled in a smile, bottom lip caught between his teeth. It was fun to watch you play in the water but the bathing suit was making him think of other things you two could be doing.

And that was how it stayed. Haechan watching while you performed for him.

A while had passed, the calm exterior of the pool getting to you, making you drowsy. The cold blue water washed over your hands while you gently skimmed the surface, making your way over to where Haechan was. You hummed a short tune under your breath, trying to keep yourself distracted. it was close to one in the morning now, but Haechan still sat on the bench, slightly shivering from the brisk air, hands gripping his thighs under the water while his mind wandered far away from the present.

“Watcha thinkin’ about” you ask, moving closer to him, hoping to catch some lingering body warmth.

“Fucking you ,” he moved off the seat and dove under the surface, only leaving small ripples in his wake. You stand there for a second wonder how he could be so blunt, so forward in his desires; he was never like this.

He swam a single circle around your body before popping up in front of you, giving you a mini heart attack. He pushes you back against the tiled walls, “I’ve spent the last hour thinking about fucking you. Thinking about how pretty you’d sound.” His head dips down to kiss along your collarbone, and your hands grab the back of neck, holding him there while his tongue sucked bruises into your tender skin. His hands grazed the bare skin of your arms, giving you goosebumps.

He moaned into the side of your neck, biting and sucking away, wanting you to yearn for him like he did for you. He lifted his head so that his mouth hung over yours, his small puffs of breath fanning over your face while he tests the waters. “Can I kiss you?”

Without giving him an answer you pull him closer by the roots of his hair. His kissing was messy and sweet, and while your tongues moved together, his hips began rubbing circles against you, trying to gain some friction in the cool water. Small heavy breaths were the only sound you could hear, aside from the occasional splash as Haechan moved restlessly.

Your hand wandered down his chest and below the surface to where you could feel him straining against his shorts. You began to stroke him over the fabric, his hips pushing against your touch. He broke the kiss to watch as you peeled down the elastic from his hips, his cock freed from the restricting material of his swim shorts. You watched him twitch slightly as the cold water met his length.

“You can’t make any noise.” You place a single finger against his lips.

“No promises.” He whispers, a devilish smirk breaking way on his face. His hands caress you thighs, pushing your bottoms to the side. The cold water hit you, making you gasp and push into Haechan who just whimpers against your touch.

He tried to stay quiet, only soft grunts between gritted teeth and muffled moans as his hips pushed into your own. The water created resistance but it just enhanced how good he was feeling. He hurriedly grabs at your legs, pulling them up so that they sat around his waist. Your back dragged up the tiled walls, scraping your tender skin, but you could only focus on Haechans cock thrusting deeply in and out of you. He stared longingly into your eyes, filling you up completely, wanting to savor the way they fluttered in the back of your head.

“You love the way I fill you up huh?” He groans into your ear, a hand falling forward to grip the cement ledge of the pool.

You couldn’t respond without fear of moaning so you nod your head wildly. He began to bite and suck at your collarbone, pushing you closer to the edge. Looking down he sees your nipples, erect, poking through the wet fabric of your bathing suit. His eyes grow wide, hips stuttering into you. Fuck you were hot.

“Haechannie, I think I’m going to come.” You squeezed your eyes shut trying to focus on the feeling coiling in your stomach.

“Not yet.” He growls, hands moving to pin your wrists against the cement ledge, “Hold it princess, I know you can.” The water began to slosh around faster as Haechan thrusted harder into you. The sound was so loud its no wonder you didn’t hear the keys jangling against the hip of the guard making his way towards you two.

“Hey!,” he shouts running towards you, “The pool is closed! Get out! Are you two-” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as you and Haechan spring up out of fear and take off. It was easy to push yourself up onto the pool deck. The guard made the mistake of following you two and leaving the gate unattended. You and Haechan ran out, giggling, making your way back into the hotel. You didn’t stop until you got into the room and slammed the door behind you.

With your heart hammering in your chest you lean against the dark cherry wood . “Holy fuck we could’ve gotten in serious trouble.” You gasp out, clutching a hand against your wet bathing suit top.

“Babe we’ll be gone by morning, no one is gonna know.” Haechan paces in front of you trying to catch his breath. His shorts hung dangerously low on his hips, it was miracle he got them up in time.

“We’re so banned from this hotel.” A knock on the door makes you jump away from it, the worst of punishment's filling your mind. What were they going to do? They couldn’t arrest you, could they?

Haechan walks forward and turns the knob slowly, revealing a sleepy Doyoung. His oversized t-shirt hung off one shoulder showing off his gaunt collarbone. He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“What do you want Doie?” you ask softly.

“How was getting chased by the guard?” he gives a sleepy chuckle, still half in his dreams.

“How did you-,” A look of realization hits Haechan, “You reported us?” He whined, pushing Doyoungs bare shoulder so that he stumbled back.

“Sound travels over water dumbasses and you guys were loud, I was trying to sleep!” Protesting, he pushes Haechans wet shoulder back.

“Well, now we’re going to be twice as loud.” Haechan slams the door in Doyoungs face and grabs you, throwing you on the bed. You give a squeal, and hear Doyoungs fist hit the door.

“I swear I’ll make a noise complaint.” He sounded more irritated than sleepy now.

“Go ahead, you’re just mad I’m getting laid and you aren't.” You playfully slap Haechans arm, but he nips at your hand. The other side of the door grows silent, Doyoung either going to report you two, or going back to his room defeated.

“Shall we pick up where we left off princess?”

[hello-nichya-here]

Guys, I don't think this is a fair way to look at Zuko's ending at all (at least if we only take the original show into consideration since the comics and Korra ruin nearly everything about the story).

The Gaang might have a ton of responsibilities and different things going on, but since when has that ever stopped them from goofing off together or supporting each other emotionally? Sure, they won't be able to be there for Zuko ALL the time, but that doesn't have to mean rarely ever seeing him or always being guaranteed to not be able to show up in the Fire Nation to hang out or give him a helping hand.

His romance with Mai is also not that volatile anymore. Mai learned to open up a bit more, Zuko is trying to work on his anger issues. The only fight they had after The Beach was because Zuko felt he had to break up with her to not drag her into he mess that was going to be his life once he joined the Avatar. In Nightmares and Daydreams we even see her being his support system.

I do agree that Iroh should have probably stuck around a little longer to help Zuko adjust to his new life, emotional support is always good, but come on, since when has Zuko hesitated to ask his uncle for help when he doesn't know what to do? And the one time Iroh refused him was when Zuko had actively stabbed him in the back. He'd absolutely take some breaks from his tea-shop to help out the nephew that he canonically sees as a son.

Also the notion that Zuko didn't actually want to be Fire Lord, and that Iroh "groomed/forced" him into is not just absurd, it's laughable. The show made it very clear super early on that this was what Zuko had always wanted and that Iroh was AGAINST it, at least in book 2.

He is banished because he spoke out against a cruel plan that would betray/sacrifice honorable, loyal soldiers. He explicitly tells Mai that he is turning his back on his father because he wants to SAVE the Fire Nation. He and Aang are direct parallels to Sozin and Roku.

He sees himself as Fire Lord in one of his dreams. He calls himself heir to the throne when remembering his mother's words of "Never forget who you are." When it looks like Zhao might capture Aang before he does, Zuko says "My honor, my throne, my country, I'm about to lose them all"

And more importantly, when Iroh is trying to get him to embrace a the simply life in Ba Sing Se it leads to this conversation in which Zuko rightfully calls his uncle out.

Iroh: We have a chance for a new life here. If you start stirring up trouble, we could lose all the good things that are happening for us. Zuko: Good things that are happening for you! Have you ever thought that I want more from life than a nice apartment and a job serving tea? Iroh: There is nothing wrong with a life of peace and prosperity. I suggest you think about what it is that you want from your life and why. Zuko: I want my destiny. Iroh: What that means is up to you.

It IS up to Zuko. And he made his choice when he left Ba Sing Se without ever looking back, and actively throwing Iroh under the bus despite loving the old man so much, because HE WANTS THAT FUCKING CROWN! He has ALWAYS wanted it - he fought his own sibling for it and nearly died in the process, that's how bad he wanted it.

And Iroh is not listening. Sure, he means well because he knows that Zuko becoming Fire Lord could mean becoming another Ozai, something Zuko himself later realized he could do without, but the point still stands: Iroh's hypocricy/unwilliness to listen to what his nephew was saying was not in the finale, but in the Ba Sing Se arc.

Iroh didn't tell Zuko to be Fire Lord as some careless or selfish decision, but because he FINALLY realized that he can't force Zuko not to want to that throne. And Zuko only hesitated because "I've made so many mistakes" aka he was unsure if he was WORTHY of it after all the bullshit he pulled to avoid losing it.

Zuko went through a lot of hardship in his life. But now his abuser can't hurt him anymore, he has a girlfriend he loves, great friends, a father figure that is finally respecting his choices, the possibility of being reunited with his mother (and of reconciling with his sister, according Ehasz), and the throne he had been wanting so bad.

Could he use an advisor to help him deal with politics? Yes, especially if said advisor is NOT Iroh. And hopefully he can also get that world's equivalent of a therapist to process all the trauma he endured. It'd be nice.

But this is far from a sad ending. This is the happiest he's been in years - maybe even in his entire life. It's only up-hill from here, folks. Let's calm down.

I’ll be honest, I don’t think Zuko gets a happy ending in the show.  His family is completely broken and the one person in it who he has a semi-decent relationship with abandons him and fucks off to set up a tea shop half the world away in a city he laid siege to for 600 days. Sure, Zuko’s made friends with the Gaang, but they have their own lives, responsibilities, and families, so they’re not going to stick around in the Fire Nation. This leaves Mai being the only person in a thousand mile radius who actually gives a fuck about Zuko, and we know how volatile the Maiko relationship can be.  

Zuko never really had chance to figure out who he was and what truly made him truly happy life, instead having Iroh dump the responsibility of Firelord on him and Zuko dedicating his life to it to please Iroh(the series even suggests that Zuko might be happiest as a humble waiter!).  And of course, not only his unprepared to be Firelord, but he also faces an incredibly difficult task–”fixing” the Fire Nation–which would try even the most capable and prepared of rulers. He’s not in for a good time at all.

I want Zuko to have a happy ending. I just don’t think he really gets one in canon.

[mikey180]

Khun Aguero Agnes x reader

Type- fluff

Just in time

"Mommy! Mommy!" Your little ones yelled, running at you as fast a there little legs could carry them. "Look Mommy, look! We found a picture of you and dad!" Handing you the picture they found. "Now you know you're not supposed to be in the attic." You scolded the twins before taking the frame.

"Oh, I've been looking for this ever since we settled down. Where was it?" You asked. "I don't know" he said before looking at the dark hard wood floor. "He went into the box with all of daddy's old sharp stuff!" Your little girl confessed. "Don't throw your brother under the bus like that darling." The sudden voice startling you and the kids.

"It's time for bed." He huffs as he picks her up. "Oo, oo! Can Mommy tell us a bed time story first? Pretty please daddy?" Humming he looks at you as if questioning if you'd like to. "Of course, how about the first time me and your father met?" The kids seem to light up with excitement and rush to sit on the couch as Aguero groans.

~~~

"You should have listened to me, blue turtle!"

"Rak, come on. Mr.Khun only got hurt because-"

"Just let him have it."

"God they're so annoying" you muttered under you breath. "Eh, I know some other regulars that are so much worse." The blonde next to you spoke with slight annoyance laced in his voice before taking a sip of his coffee. "If I ever visit here after I become a ranker remind me not to except a job offer, I feel bad for you." He chuckles at your comment, but it comes to a stop with your next question. "What was your name again?"

"Did you really forget already? Mhm, you meant it when you said you were terrible with names, well I guess it can't be helped. It's Hansung Yu, try to remember it this time." You did feel kinda bad forgetting so soon, but then- "Now remind me of yours." Sarcasm dripped from every word of that sentence. "You did that on purpose!" You accusing the man seemed to only entertain him more. Chuckling to himself "How are you going to got so offended for something you've done to me, what? seven times?" Huffing you stood up, purposely knocking his coffee out of his hand and into his lap.

Smiling as you walked away knowing you got the last laugh, you heard Lero-ro over the speakers. "Alright, regulars if I could have your attention please, I would like to go over what the next test will require, the rules, and most importantly the main point. The test will be taken in the woods on the east end of the floor tomorrow at five am sharp." Everyone groaned including you. Clearing his throat to collect your attention back to him again he continued "The main goal is to get two spherical crystals in two hours. Some of you will start off with a yellow sphere while the others will start with pink sphere. You need one of each color so you will need to take from another team, but you and your team will have to partner up with another team."

∆

The day of the exam

BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! "Ugh. . . WHY?!"

When you reach the testing area you are greeted with a surprise, your team is late. You sigh, knowing that you can only sit and wait for them to show up. As you start reading you notice a brunette coming up to you "Hey, I'm Bam. Do you have a team that you've partnered up with yet?"

"Mhm, no. We were planning on picking when we got here, but they're late so we probably don't have many good choices left."

"Yeah, a lot of teams decided who they were going with last night. We had the same plan you did, but that's not working out very well. Do you want to team up with us?" He asked pointing at the rest of his team. "Sure, we might as well. I'll meet you at the entrance?" Nodding he walks off while you go to message the rest of your team that you found who'd you be partners with and you were very displeased with the response - 'WAIT! THAT'S TODAY?!'

'yes are you an IDIOT?!' huffing you see that the line in is getting short so you decide to get in the back. When you get to the front you are asked who you are teaming up with. You can only describe him and his teammates since you already forgot his name. The guard nods seemingly knowing who you are talking about and hands you a yellow sphere. When you enter the gates the brunette immediately snatches your wrist and starts running east.

"Sorry, but Mr.Khun wants to get this over and done with, also Rak is very Impatient."

∆

"ARE YOU INSANE?!" you ask Rak "You ran off and got a pink one by yourself? This Close To The Deadline?!"

"Hey, please calm down. We only have a half an hour left, we need to find Mr.Khun." Bam pleads with you "ugh, fine." You sigh signaling defeat. You were tired and all of the other teams were not worth attacking since they all had the same sphere you did. "Thank you. Now Rak if you go south, I'll go west, and you go north. We should have a good chance at finding him if we do that." Nodding you race off, you know that you are short on time, but you have a good feeling that you'll find him.

By now you have run so far you are starting to feel tired, you legs are shaking, but you have to find him. You suddenly start to hear the shinsu river that borders the testing area, you start to come to a stop thinking that there was no way he would have gone any further, but something tells you to keep going. You see the river, then you see him.

"KHUN!! Hey we've been looking for you!" Startled by you sudden outburst he looks at you shocked, then quickly regains his composure and gives you an icy glare. "Now. . .why aren't you with Bam?" Was he crazy? Of course you'd go looking for him, you pause your train of thought to check how much time you had left. "There's seven minutes left and you think we wouldn't come looking for you?" You question as you walk towards him. "Are you an idiot? I thought you were supposed to be the SMART ONE!!"

With those words you get inches away from his face. Stepping back he starts to form a response, but that is quickly cut short as he falls into the strong river of shinsu. The substance takes him away so fast you almost have no time to respond. Almost. You know there's a waterfall that marks the end of the area and it was coming up very fast, you had to do something. Running after him at full speed you started to hear the shinsu dropping. Not only that you could see it.

Lunging at him you were only close enough to grab his blue ponytail. His hair was soft, to soft. It slipped wright out of your hand, but he turned to face you, and you could see the look of fear in his eyes as he grabbed your wrist. You used what strength you had left to pull him out of the water. He collapsed into you tired and wet before hastily pulling away. He looked away from you and muttered under his breath a broken "Thank you."

~~~

"And that kids is how I met your father!" You exclaimed, beaming at your children. " Wow Mommy you really get there in the last minute!" Their blue eyes shining brighter than there freshly washed hair.

Aguero got up from where he was sitting, a content look playing at his face. He hugs you from behind and kisses the crown of your head before sighing and saying in a reminiscing voice "Yes, she was just in time."

[kiyosamu]

back up.

---♡---

pairing: rintaro suna x female reader

genre: dark, angst, (slight) enemies to comfort, some comedy in the beginning. // one shot, 3.9k words

synopsis: being the younger sister of the miya twins definitely has its advantages and its... disadvantages. sure, it comes with all of the teasing from both them and their friends, but it gets more serious when people hold grudges on them and try to take out their anger on you.

content warnings: descriptions of assault, threats, sexual assault (no penetration), violence, injuries

---♡---

“Osamu!” You screeched, attempting to push your older brother off of you. “Get him off!”

Atsumu had tackled you to the ground and was sitting on your back, cackling with satisfaction as he pinned you down.

“I can’t help ya.” Osamu smirked as he walked by. He sat on the couch adjacent to you and Atsumu with an amused glimmer in his eyes. “Shouldn’t have eaten his pudding.”

“Why do you care if I eat his pudding?!” You growled, thrashing around under Atsumu to get some kind of leverage while he sat on you with all of his weight, rendering your limbs useless.

“If you eat his pudding, then he eats mine.” Osamu shrugged, “And I hate it when he does that.”

“Take it up with him! I just grabbed whatever was closest. You guys are so weird with your labeled food!” You tried to throw a punch at Atsumu and he caught your fist easily, snickering when you let out a loud whine. “Atsumu, get OFF!”

“No can do, kiddo.” He grinned, “Ya know what happens when you eat our food.”

“I’m gonna tell mom.” You mumbled.

“That’s dirty. Don’t bring mom into this.” Osamu interrupted and you shot a death glare at him.

“Stop involving yourself! I don’t need your commentary.”

“Don’t be such a tattle tale.” Atsumu teased, finally easing up on you and taking a bit of the weight off of your back. You gasped dramatically as you could finally take a full, deep breath.

“Thank you, god. You’re heavy.” You said quietly, deciding to fully submit and just lay down on the living room floor.

“Did you just call me fat?!” Atsumu gasped, crawling over to your face to look you in the eyes.

“Yes.” You nodded. Atsumu immediately turned to Osamu, who burst out laughing at his offended expression.

“Laugh it up, ‘Samu. If I’m fat then so are you.” Atsumu muttered as he finally stood up to take a seat next to Osamu on the couch.

“I can’t stand either of you.” You mumbled, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at them.

“Why’s baby Miya throwing a temper tantrum?” A familiar, monotone voice was coming from the entry way. You hadn’t even heard him come in.

“None of your business, Suna.” You glared at the tall boy. He responded with a crooked smirk while he walked in with his hands plunged deep in his pockets.

Suna was over at your house almost every day. He also teased you as much as your brothers did, if not more.

“Jeez, what’s with the attitude?” He snorted, “You sound like Atsumu. I swear you’re triplets.”

Suna jumped over the back of the couch and plopped down between the twins. You sat up, looking at the three of them for a second before getting up and retreating to your room.

“Aw, come on baby Miya. Where are you going?” Suna called after you while you walked down the hallway.

“I need to get ready. I’m going out tonight.”

You retreated to your bedroom and sat down at your vanity. Before you could even pull out a hair brush, Osamu had burst into your bedroom.

“Where ya going?” He asked, leaning against the doorway.

“Out?” You replied, getting up to sift through your closet for something to wear.

Your friend had set you up on a blind date tonight. Your mom had held your brothers back a year and since you were only 10 months apart, you were all in the same year. This meant you all had the same classmates, knew all of the same people, and they were constantly in your business.

When your friend had told you about this guy, he sounded too good to be true. He had gone to another school that was a bit further away, but since you had all graduated a few months prior you figured a bit of distance wasn’t that big of a deal. After all, you were all adults now.

“Out where?” Atsumu asked, pushing the door open all the way and standing against the other side of the frame.

“On a date…” you muttered. The moment you said that, your brothers came in and promptly sat on your bed.

“Where are you going?”

“With who?”

“Where did you meet him?”

“How old is he?”

“Is he picking you up?”

“How long have you known him for?”

“Oh my god.” You groaned, pointing at your door. “Can you guys get out? I need to get ready. Why are you asking so many questions?”

“Believe it or not, kiddo, we just want to make sure you’re safe.” Osamu said, standing up and walking over to pat you on your head.

“Ugh, ‘Samu, you guys don’t have to treat me like a kid still. I’m an adult now, you know.” You said, crossing your arms.

“But you’ll always be our little sister.” Atsumu smiled. “Mom can’t keep track of all of us all the time. So we need to do it for her.” His words were genuine. Even though the three of you bickered and teased each other, you were protective of each other. You knew your brothers would do anything for you.

You’d never tell them, but you’d do anything for them, too.

“If anyone needs keeping track of, it’s you two.” You smirked. Atsumu rolled his eyes and Osamu shrugged you off.

Your brothers tried to pry more information out of you, but you only told them the bare minimum. After all, you barely even knew anything. You didn’t even know his name.

“So? Where’s she going?” Suna asked as the twins came back into the living room. He was sprawled out on the couch and flicking through the tv channels.

“That restaurant downtown. The one a few bus stops before your house.” Atsumu said with crossed arms. “She won’t let us drive her.”

“I’ll take the bus with her.” Suna shrugged, “It’s on the way, so I’ll make sure she gets there safely.”

“Good. Then you can tell us who she’s meetin’ there.” Osamu smirked.

Whether or not Osamu had asked, Suna was planning on finding that out regardless.

“Call is if you need anythin’!” Atsumu called to you as you walked to the door.

“We’ll come! Just call us, okay?” Osamu added.

“I’ll be fine, but thanks. I’ll text you when I’m on my way home.” You said loud enough for them to hear you in the other room. “Love you.”

“Love ya!” They replied in unison.

—

“Are you sure you’re not just spying on me?” You mumbled just loud enough for Suna to hear you from the seat behind you.

“Just decided to go home, baby Miya.” He replied, leaning forward. “Why? Do you want me to spy on you?”

“No!” You turned around and squinted your eyes at him. He looked back at you with a playful smirk and then went back to paying attention to his phone.

You got off the bus and hesitated for a moment, half expecting Suna to get off after you.

Except he didn’t.

You sighed, feeling the nerves creeping up and realizing you really were all alone now. Meeting a man you didn’t know, and unsure of what to expect.

You looked around and pulled out your phone to check the message from your friend again to refresh yourself on the characteristics of your blind date.

Dark hair, about 5’10, dark green eyes, ah-

“Miya, is it?” A man fitting the exact description was standing in front of you, a rose in hand and suspicious smirk across his lips.

“Yes, sorry, what’s your name?” Your voice was trembling and you had no idea why. You chalked it up to nerves, but it might’ve been the uneasiness you’d felt when you made eye contact with him.

“Daishou Suguru.” He said melodically. He handed you the rose and lightly pressed his hand to your lower back. “Shall we go inside? I have a table for us.”

You nodded, walking inside with him.

——

“So, Miya, any relation to those twins?” He asked, leaning in with his chin on his palm. He stared at you intently as if he wanted to soak in every word you were about to say.

“Oh, yeah. They’re my brothers.” You smiled. Even though they irritated you, you always liked to talk about them. You were proud of your brothers and all of their accomplishments, and talking about them was easier than having to come up with things to say about yourself.

“Ah,” Daishou nodded, thanking the server as she passed your dishes to the two of you. “Those two are real shit talkers, huh?”

“Yeah,” you laughed, a bit too casually for the occasion and realized you’d never even heard this guy’s name prior to tonight. “Wait, why do you say that?”

You were familiar with pretty much all of the volleyball players that your brothers had faced off against. Inarizaki’s own team were like family, but the other teams were around so often you’d gotten to know quite a few of the players from other schools just by going to the games and tournaments.

“Played against them once.” Daishou mumbled, the previously warm expression in his eyes was gone. “I don’t know which one I hate more. The mouthy setter or the spiker with the ego.”

You got goosebumps when he spoke these words. These weren’t normal rivalry grudges. This sounded like pure, unprecedented hatred.

You started to feel uncomfortable.

You hummed in acknowledgement. You weren’t sure how to reply, but you wanted him to know you’d heard him and were listening.

“So, how are you going to make it up to me?” Daishou asked. You froze, looking up at him.

His previously cold expression was warm again, cheeks round with a big smile. “I’m kidding.”

“Oh,” you giggled nervously and decided to focus on eating your dinner.

The rest of the evening went by okay. Little comments like that would have you unsure if there were ulterior motives, but when you’d try to look into it you’d see a happy smile from your date. Maybe he really was just joking, and was nervously trying to make you laugh.

When it was time to go, Daishou paid for the both of you and you left the restaurant together.

It was dark outside and pouring rain. You sighed, looking down the street at the empty bus stop. The bus wouldn’t be coming for another 20 minutes.

“Let me wait with you for the bus.” He smiled, wrapping an arm around your waist again. “I wouldn’t want you out here all alone.”

You reluctantly accepted but tried to keep your distance. While his arm was around you, your arms were crossed and you were trying to stay as far from him as possible. Something was off, and you wanted to get as far away from him as quickly as possible.

You sent your brothers a quick text to let them know which bus you’d be on.

“Let’s wait over here. Out of the rain.”

Before you could reply, he grabbed your hand and yanked you down a small alley. It was covered by the overhead of the buildings roof, but was pitch black.

“I had a nice time tonight.” Daishou purred, pressing his body against you and trapping you against the cold brick wall.

“Yeah, me too…” You said quietly.

Only a few more minutes.

Daishou leaned down, trailing his hand up your chest and wrapping his long fingers around your throat. Your breath hitched and you felt tears well up in your eyes. You knew something was wrong. You knew something was going to happen. Your gut feeling was never wrong.

You tensed up, preparing to punch him the moment you felt pressure from his fingers. Instead of choking you, however, his hand rested gingerly on your skin and he leaned down to kiss you.

You kissed back, completely uninterested but not wanting him to know that.

“So, you are easy.” He smirked against your lips. He grabbed your hands and held them against the wall. His tongue started to force its way into your mouth and as you tried to break away, his body pressed into you harder, making you unable to move.

“Please stop,” you whimpered, “I don’t- I don’t want this.”

“Just relax.” He dug his fingers into your wrist, holding both of your hands together with just one of his, and using his free hand to move down your body and fondle your chest.

“Daishou- I-“ you gasped when he bit down on your neck. It didn’t feel good at all, and was just a swearing pain.

“You know, it really is a shame that you’re related to those two.” He muttered against your skin. “You’re a pretty girl. Probably would’ve liked you had your shitty brothers not have been such dicks.”

“Please, please just get off-“ You sniffled. You fought your brothers all the time, so why couldn’t you get him off? Why were you tensing up? Why were you crying? Just push him off, just push and run.

“Shut up.” He muttered. He slipped his hand into your pants and you let out a sob.

“No, no! Get off of me! Stop!” You were crying now, your voice getting louder as you attempted to break from his hold.

Unfortunately, he was just too strong for you. He smacked you across the face and pressed his palm to your mouth.

“I told you to shut up.” He growled. “Blame the twins for this.”

You were sobbing now. Completely terrified as this man assaulted your body in this dark alley and all you could think about was how badly you wanted to get out of there. How badly you wished your brothers had spied on you, how much you wanted them to protect you in that moment.

Daishou glared at you as your wails got louder, pulling back and slapping you across the face so hard you thought you were seeing stars.

“That’s what happens when stupid girls like you don’t listen. Now be quiet!”

Your vision was blurred and dark and you thought you were about to pass out when you felt the weight of his body completely lifted off of you.

You immediately felt relief, not in the form of safety by any means but you felt like you could somewhat breathe again. The blow he’d given you to the head had you feeling dizzy and you sunk to the ground against the wall.

“You fucking-“ *whack*

“piece-“ *whack*

“of shit!” *whack*

You squinted your eyes open at the familiar voice. The same voice that had annoyed you earlier that afternoon. The voice that immediately gave you a sense of safety in that dark alley.

“Suna..?” You barely managed to squeak out. You were sure he didn’t hear you considering you could barely hear your own voice.

“You’re going to regret this for the rest of your life.” Suna spat, landing another punch directly to his face. “If you have issues with someone, take it up with them like a fucking man.” He growled. “Instead of preying on their little sister. You’re pathetic.”

Suna stood up off the ground and all you could do was watch through squinted eyes and your knees pulled to your chest.

He pulled something out of his pocket, it shined under the street lamps and you weren’t sure what it was. He grabbed Daishou by the collar of his shirt, forcing him to stand up before pressing the object against his throat.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just kill you right here.”

You closed your eyes, covering your face in your arms when you heard Daishou start to sob. He sounded like you did a few minutes ago.

“I’d go to jail for her, no questions asked. Trust me when I tell you that I won’t hesitate.”

Suna was much bigger than him. Stronger. Taller.

“Hey,” Suna growled, pushing him against the brick wall. Daishou looked as light as a rag doll when Suna was throwing him around. “Answer me when I’m talking to you.”

“Please- I don’t- I’m sorry-“ Daishou choked out.

Suna laughed. A completely genuine laugh that made your skin crawl.

“Are you? Are you sorry?”

You looked back up at the two men, closer to you now and you could see that the object Suna had against his throat was a knife.

“Suna, wait-“ You tried to say to him, but your voice was still shaky and quiet.

Daishou was sobbing now, tears flowing from his eyes and wails ripping from his throat.

“Not so tough when you’re the one on the receiving end, huh?” Suna glared, putting his knife back in his pocket and throwing Daishou back onto the ground.

“Get the fuck out of here before I change my mind.” Suna said in a dark, low tone you hadn’t heard from him before. “And if you ever come near her again, I really will kill you.”

Daishou scrambled to his feet, holding his head and trying to stop the bleeding on his face that was surely from one of the rings Suna was wearing on his fingers.

You trembled against the wall, staring at Suna’s back as he watched Daishou leave. As soon as he was out of eyesight, he quickly turned to you and crouched down.

“Hey, it’s okay.” His voice softened, his gaze was kind and he hesitated before touching you. “Can I help you up? Can you stand?”

You nodded weakly and he crouched down, putting his arms under yours and standing you up. You could feel your legs wobbling and held onto his arm for support.

“Ugh,” He sighed, the pain in his voice coming through when he saw the true damage that’d been done to you. His hands carefully put you back together as best he could. He buttoned your shirt and pants back up, and shrugged off his jacket to put it on you instead.

You grabbed onto the sleeves and pulled them over your hands. It was even bigger than your brothers’ jackets, and you sunk into the soft material trying to grasp onto any little piece of comfort you could get.

Suna picked you up and held you against his chest. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he supported you from under your legs.

“How did you know where to find me?” You asked, your voice still quiet and strained.

“They told me what bus you were taking home so I came to make sure you got on okay. When it came and left without you I got worried and looked around, and then I heard you crying.” Suna let out a stressed out breath, “You know, I really would’ve done it.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” You said, closing your eyes. You couldn’t even process what had just happened and didn’t know what you would’ve done if Suna wasn’t with you right now.

——

Suna’s house was only down the road, and you agreed to go there and get cleaned up before heading back home.

“Here,” Suna handed you a pair of comfortable pants and a t-shirt. “They’ll be way too long on you, but it’s better than your soaking wet clothes you’re wearing now.”

“Thanks…” you accepted the offer, stepping into the bathroom to change.

When you came out, Suna had changed too, but his eyes widened with shock when he saw the extent of your injuries.

He swore under his breath and approached you. When he reached out and touched your neck, his cool hand soothed the sting of the deep bite Daishou had embedded in your neck.

“Can’t believe he fucking bit you.” Suna’s voice was so quiet he was practically whispering, and you weren’t sure if he was talking to you or just thinking out loud. He trailed his hand around your throat and pressed his fingers on the deep bruises forming from when you’d been choked.

“That helps,” you sighed, leaning into his touch. Suna pulled his hand back as if he wasn’t even aware he’d been touching you.

“What do you want to do now? Should we call Osamu and Atsumu? Want me to take you home?” He placed his hands on your shoulders and continued looking you over. Suna brushed your hair out of the way, inspecting your face closely and grunting when he looked straight on at the black eye starting to appear.

You winced when his thumb grazed over the side of your head and he immediately pulled back.

“You were hit really hard. You should go to the hospital.”

You shook your head. “I don’t… I don’t want to go anywhere. Not right now, anyway.” You stepped over to his bed, sitting on the edge. “Can I just lie down?”

Suna nodded and pulled the blankets open, gesturing for you to crawl into his bed. He pulled the blankets on top of you and patted your arm.

“I’m just going to go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I’ll shut the light off so you can rest a bit.”

The moment you couldn’t feel his presence in the room anymore, your mind travelled back to where you were earlier that night. Being attacked in a dark alley and suddenly you were feeling suffocated.

You sat up, gasping for air and Suna ran in, turning the light on and sitting next to you.

“Its okay, it’s okay,” He murmured, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you into him. He stroked your hair and let you cry out your fear as long as you needed to.

“I don’t…” You sniffled, “I don’t know what happened. When you left I just felt so scared all over again.”

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, pressing his cheek against the top of your hair.

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

Suna nodded and stood up to go turn the light off again.

“Wait, where are you going?” You felt the panic start to take over again when the bed dipped down beside you.

“I’m right here.” His voice was kind. The Suna you’d known to always tease and annoy you had been replaced by something you could only describe as being your safety net.

Maybe this side of him was always here, and you just hadn’t ever noticed.

You laid back down beside him, moving close and nuzzling into his chest just like you had when he was carrying you. He wrapped his arms around you and softly trailed his hand up and down your back.

“I’ve got you, okay?” He whispered, “You’re safe with me. I promise. Just try and get some rest and we can worry about everything in the morning. You’ve been through enough tonight.”

You nodded and felt the relief wash over you. You knew you had a lot to deal with tomorrow, but having Suna by your side made it seem a little less scary.

Thinking back, he always was by your side. He would defend you when the twins would get too rough, and was definitely guilty of giving guys an intimidating glare when they’d try to hit on you.

You sighed, soaking in the feeling of his warmth.

You knew that from them on, you wanted nothing more than to be on his side.

And for him to stay on yours.

[neshatriumphs]

As somebody who is on the Defend Cate Squad, I can't help but notice it's hella people mad specifically with Andre about the cheating aspect and not Cate. Now personally, I'm not mad at neither of them for that. That's some shit that happen everyday and when I look at this universe, and how people are in it, cheating is SO LOW on list of fuckshit that somebody can do that it don't even register to me.

But there were folk standing up and shouting to support Cate (I know, because I was at the devil's sacrament with them), and there's mad folk jumping to Jordan's defense when we literally saw Jordan use Luke's potential health hazard to get a leg up, and we see Cate literally mentally alter folk...

It's just a wild place to draw a line, because you have to get in a rocket ship to reach the line of what these other characters did to others. And let's be clear, not only do I not give a fuck about Andre and Cate cheating, because that was truthfully the LEAST LEAST LEAST of Luke's problems in life, but I also don't think Luke woulda been that cross about the shit.

That mental image was ANDRE'S thoughts, not Luke's. If Luke DID know, that didn't stop him from ending his rampage when he laid eyes on Andre. It didn't stop him from trusting Andre with something he was willing to kill and die over. It didn't stop him from hugging Andre and telling him he loved him. IF he knew, he still loved his boy. And if he didn't know, then he never had to face the hurt that Andre gets to live with not having been a better friend to him.

Now. If I was going to ostracize them for the cheating, not only would I say that they both deserve it, but I would absolutely also lean in more on the person who is actually within the romantic relationship. Yes, there are friendship lines you shouldn't be crossing, but if you're making plans for the future with somebody, you definitely get more sideye from me in a circumstance like that.

We got people taking each other down physically, attacking each other mentally, and all coming to grips with things that they're ashamed of. The person I am almost the least concerned about demonizing is the one that fucked his homie's girl.

He's a less than smart dude who grew up privileged. He could be ruining people's lives everyday. The worst thing that we have on him is that he is not a good friend because he decided to stick his dick somewhere that should have been off limits. He consensually had sex with someone in a relationship with his friend. That's his biggest darkness.

I'ma stand by him. I stood by Cate through worse. I'm not throwing a young Black man under the bus for something so mundane as cheating in a universe where people get away with literal murders.

GEN V

I get the hate for Chance Perdomo, but putting that aside, can we not act like Cate wasn’t also in the wrong for sleeping with Andre while being in a relationship with Luke? It takes two people to cheat. Luke was her boyfriend and not only was she actively mentally manipulating him at the time, but sleeping with his best friend. They both betrayed him and both deserve to be ridiculed for it.

Jordan isn’t stupid. They knew that something was going on with Brink and didn’t care. I get that there’s an emotional connection, but Luke was freaking out and had to be sedated and dragged away. That didn’t raise any red flags? While they’re obviously upset about it now, I honestly don’t think it mattered to them at the time. As long as they made it to the top.

I like Marie and can’t wait for them to dive into the full extent of her powers, but so far it’s her powers thats making her really stand out to me. Yeah I want to know about her relationship with her sister and hopes she finds her, but other than that, her and Andre have absolutely NO interesting character traits or storylines. The Riordan brothers and Emma might single-handedly carry the entire plot of the first season and 1/3 of them is beef stew…

Tragedy is on Sam and Emma’s front steps i fear.

[kiridarling]

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒.

katsuki bakugou | birthday gone wrong (aha), f!reader, baker!reader, pro hero!katsuki, blizzards, angst and smut, exhibitionism, cockwarming, begging, confessions. minors dni!

— 4.7k words

Wanna blow off some steam?

“Surprise!”

Katsuki jumps ten feet high, and the plastic grocery bags precariously balanced on each finger tear without a second thought. Apples hit the ground with a thud and the egg carton with a depressing slap; one that signifies the crack of at least half a dozen. Katsuki looks at the crowd, red-faced and livid, and Eijirou Kirishima intercepts the awkward silence with:

“Happy Birthday Bakubro! I know y—“

“Said that I didn’t want a fuckin’ party?” Katsuki growls, groceries forgotten on the forgotten. Eijirou looks guilty and chuckles, scratching the back of his head.

“W-Well, yeah, but—“

“Everybody out.”

People sigh, and you think you hear Denki whisper told you he’d kick us out. You hate to say that you foresaw a similar outcome. Katsuki’s never been one for people.

Especially you.

“Awe come on, Kacchan,” Izuku says with hands on his hips. “We came all this way! Just let us stay for a little bit.”

“Yeah!” Eijirou seems to cheer up once given a sliver of hope. “Plus, we got cake and stuff. And Just Dance.”

Katsuki narrows his eyes, but you know better—he’s always had a soft spot for the redhead. You all wait with baited breath, wondering if this entire evening was a bust, as Katsuki weighs his options in a pool of fallen groceries.

“One hour.”

Eijirou gasps so hard he chokes, and Katsuki’s generosity earns him applause from the audience. (Plus whoops and hollers from Denki and Mina.)

“And I mean it—y’all have sixty fuckin’ minutes before you’re gone without a goddamn trace. Kapeesh?”

“Kapeesh!”

Katsuki sighs, rubbing at his temples as he steps over the mess at the front door. You assume he’ll make Eijirou clean it up. “Whatever. Where’s the fuckin’ cake?”

Ah.

“In the kitchen, my good sir!” Denki says as he ushers the ash-blond into the said kitchen, the rest of the party hot on their heels. Eijirou grabs the cake from the fridge and you’re tense until the plate hits the marble of their island.

“Flavor?” Katsuki asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh, I dunno, [Y/N] made it,” Eijirou throws you under the bus, just like that, and you want to scoff at the way Katsuki freezes—if only for a moment. Eijirou’s oblivious as ever, “[Y/N]?”

“It’s red velvet,” you say, trying not to burn under Katsuki’s carmine eyes. You don’t know why he doesn’t look away.

“Frosting?”

“Buttercream.”

As if you’d give him anything else.

Eijirou tries his best to cram 26 candles into the cake before being forced to opt for 23 lest he ruin your decorations. Denki presses him to make a wish and Katsuki rolls his eyes as he blows out the candles. Eijirou wipes an invisible tear because ‘his boy is getting so old.’ Mina and Jiro cut the cake and people seem to enjoy it, and you think that maybe, reuniting with your high school friends after so long isn’t as bad as you thought it’d be.

Even if he said he never wanted to see you again.

“—due to the incoming blizzard, we highly suggest all those who reside in the red and orange zones stay inside until it passes; which should be around ten am tomorrow morning.”

You spoke too soon.

Katsuki turns to the crowd, and you know what he’s going to say before his lip curls.

“Out.”

“Kacchan, don’t be unreasonable!” Izuku says from his comfortable position on the couch. “We’d get caught in the storm if we leave now.”

“Not if you’re fuckin’ fast enough,” Katsuki growls, pulling the greenette’s to his feet by his hair. “Get out, I’m not bunking with you fuckers overnight.”

“Dude,” Denki points to the window, and if you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve thought the blizzard had already started. “If we leave now, we’ll literally die.”

“Die, then.”

Eijirou sighs, clapping his roommate on the back. “C’mon, man. You know we ca—“

There’s a whirr then a click, and the lights and tv die at once. You can’t see a thing but you definitely hear Katsuki shout:

“Motherfucker!”

Eijirou turns his phone flashlight on first; Katsuki’s busy angrily flicking at the light to no avail. You sigh, turning to the ash-blond (and ignoring those ugly fucking butterflies in your stomach.)

“It’s a blackout Katsuki. The lights aren’t going to work.”

“Don’t you think I fuckin’ know that, dumbass?” And your chest tightens because even though he’s not eighteen anymore, he sounds the same—but you aren’t sure why you expected him to sound so different either.

You lift an eyebrow (not that he can see it), “It doesn’t look like you do.”

Denki snorts at that, hollering about how you just owned the ash-blond as Katsuki yells at him to shut the fuck up. It’s...familiar and comfortable, like you’re all in high school again, before you had to worry about your friends dying in their line of work because you couldn’t be there with them.

Before you got injured.

“Well I mean, we have a few blankets,” Eijirou offers, and as your eyes slowly adjust to the dark, you’re convinced you see his figure cross the living room. “And like, sweatshirts if it gets too cold.”

“It’s already getting too cold,” Mina says, and you can’t help but agree. The quickly cooling room has the goosebumps raising on your shoulders, and you’re starting to regret forgetting your jacket at home.

“Okay! I don’t have that many, but,” Eijirou hollers from somewhere, before returning with a handful of cloth. He drops it onto the coffee table. “Plus Hanta and Denks left their hoodies here last time.”

“Oh shit, we did?” Hanta says, and you assume it’s his figure who starts digging through the clothes. “Totally thought I lost this, lol.”

“Did you just saw lol out loud?”

“I did.”

“Ooh Ei, do you still have that old Red Riot hoodie?” Mina asks, and all of a sudden, she’s all over the pile. She finds it before the redhead can answer and snatches it away with a gasp.

You watch the pile dissolve in the darkness, one by one, and by the time you reach for something, your palm hits the cool wood of the coffee table. Fuck.

“Oh [Y/N]! Do you need some of my blanket?” Mina offers, but the blanket is small, and wrapping it around both of your shoulders just renders it utterly useless. You shake your head after she tries for a while.

“It’s fine Mina, I’m not that cold,” you laugh, but she shakes her head vehemently.

“No! Girl c’mon, you look like you’re freezing!”

And, well. Freezing is a stretch. Sure, you’re a little cold, but you’ll live.

“Do you need my sweatshirt?” Eijirou asks, already pulling at the hem. You roll your eyes.

“I’m serious guys, it’s not that bad,” you say, waving your arms for emphasis. They all grumble but they give up, and you feel like you can finally relax.

Something soft and army green drops into your lap. You pick it up in confusion, before looking up to see who dropped it.

Katsuki looks down at you, face glowing white from the phone flashlights. His eyes pierce your soul nevertheless.

“I don’t ne—“

“Take it.”

Katsuki takes a seat next to you on the couch in his own hoodie. You don’t realize until you put it on that he gave you a sweatshirt themed after his own hero costume.

You can’t sleep.

You can’t sleep, and you’re sure it’s due to the temperature. The wind howls and it sounds like you’re in the eye of a tornado, loose branches knocking against the rattling glass, and upon looking through the window, you see nothing but stark white. You sigh, checking the time on your phone for the fiftieth time this hour. Yep. Still four am.

“Stop fuckin’ movin’, dumbass.”

You all decided to bunk in the living room for warmth. You’re surprised Katsuki stayed, though; you figured he would just head to his room and let you all fend for yourselves while he slept in a comfortable bed. But here he is, sleeping next to you on the cold fucking floor.

“Sorry,” you say, but it’s hard when your shivering and your jaw aches from stunting your chattering teeth. Katsuki and Eijirou only had a limited amount of sleeping bags, meaning you’ve got to share a blanket with the hulking ash-blond.

“You cold?” He grunts. You don’t know why he’s asking.

“No.”

Katsuki sighs, and you hear him adjust, the blanket sliding from your neck to your shoulder. “You’re a shit liar.”

You prop yourself up on your elbows to glare his way, and you look to notice Katsuki’s laying the same way.

“What’s your point?”

Katsuki doesn’t answer for a moment, but it doesn’t seem like he’s looking for an answer, either—his neon red eyes glow through the dark and straight into your soul, and the next time you shiver, it isn’t because of the temperature.

“You’re stubborn.”

You roll your eyes, scoffing, “Thought you figured that out senior year.”

Katsuki’s face flashes with an emotion you can’t quite pinpoint before it’s gone again. “Yeah. You’d think almost dying would fuckin’ fix that.”

You sigh. Looks like you’re having this conversation now, then.

“I didn’t almost die—“

“Yes, you fuckin’ did,” Katsuki snarls, and Denki almost stirs at his raised tone. “You took that bullet and you didn’t get up for months—“

“And then I woke up and everything was fine! Seriously Katsuki, what’s your problem? I lived.”

“My problem is that you shouldn’t have been there in the goddamn first place!” Katsuki says through grit teeth. You watch his temple roll underneath his hairline. “That was my fuckin’ fight. I don’t need some chick jumping in front of a bullet for me just ‘cause she thinks I can’t take it!”

You scoff, looking around to see if any of your other sleeping friends are listening because get a load of this guy. Naturally, they don’t respond.

“That’s what this is about? Oh, well I’m sorry I bruised your dignity because I didn’t want to see you get fucking shot!”

Katsuki chest inflates with disbelief before it deflates again, and he’s rolling his eyes before he says, “That’s not—you fuckin’ know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh really?” You laugh, and goddammit Katsuki, you just had to bring it up, didn’t you? “Because waking up after two months to your best friend telling you to give up doesn’t preserve your dignity at all, huh?”

“I didn’t tell you to fu—“

“You said those exact words, Katsuki. You said give up, and you left the hospital.”

The ash-blond has nothing to say to that, because he knows that you know you’re right, and trying to jedi mind trick you into believing he isn’t an asshole won’t work.

“Well you fuckin’ listened,” he grumbles, more to himself than you, but enough emotion flares in your core to make you want to scream.

“I didn’t have a choice,” you say, huffing, before turning your back to him, deeming this conversation over. “Good night, Katsuki.”

There’s a lull and it has you convinced you’ve won, finally relaxing (as much as you can) onto the cold floor. At least arguing heated your blood up a bit.

“The fuck do you mean?”

You roll your eyes even though they’re closed before you hop back onto your forearms to give the ash-blond a nasty look. “What?”

“You...said you didn’t have a choice,” Katsuki says, and it’s the first time you think you’ve heard him sound weary. Unsure. “The fuck does that mean?”

“It means I had to give up on being a hero either way.”

Which sucked. Because you had spent the past four years of your life working your ass off to save others, and you wind up out of commission before you even got started. You...suppose you didn’t tell Katsuki the whole story. Well, you hadn’t had a chance to—today’s the first time speaking with him since you woke up in the hospital.

Katsuki eyes you out of his peripheral, but only for a second. “And that means...?”

“It means that if I land on my spine the wrong way, there’s a high chance I’ll be paralyzed from the waist down.” You growl, frustrated that it was easier to coax the truth out of you than you thought.

The bullet buried close to your spinal column. You had to do PT for months, relearning how to walk as you slowly regain your motor functions. That’s when you started to bake.

“Oh.”

The howling of the wind turns from somewhat soothing to aggravating as Katsuki’s unimpressive “oh” hangs heavy in the air, and you find yourself sighing, the puzzle pieces finally clicking in your head. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Katsuki asks—he’s still not looking at you.

“Blaming yourself,” you gesture to his figure, which is lax with depression, lacking its sturdiness and usual fire. “You didn’t shoot the gun.”

Katsuki snorts at that, running a hand through his hair, “I might as well.”

“Stop.”

“You got shot because of me,” Katsuki says as if it were a fact. “They were trying to kill me. Not you.”

“And they didn’t kill me. I’m here and you’re here. If I hadn’t been there, you’d be six feet under right now,” you reason. Katsuki shrugs because he’s just as stubborn as you are, and you figure he’s been carrying around this baggage for too many years.

“Does your back hurt often?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I mean sure, I get flare-ups sometimes, but it’s not too bad. Doesn’t really get in the way of baking as long as the table is high enough.”

Katsuki thinks for a moment, teeth worrying his bottom lip. “Is the table high enough? At your café.”

You shrug, failing to see where he’s going with this. “I have a platform thingy, so. It’s mostly for decorating cakes and things—“

“I’ll buy you a new one.”

“What?”

“I’ll buy you a new table,” Katsuki says, nodding to himself as if he was confirming the idea. “A higher one.”

It takes a second for his offer to process, but once it does, you’re fighting a smile. Still the same kid. “Kats, I don’t nee—“

“An—And if you need a new chair. I’ll pay for that shit too.”

You shake your head—mainly in disbelief, “I don’t need a chair, Katsuki.”

“Then what?” He asks, and it almost sounds desperate with the speed he rushed the sentence, “Y’need a car? That hunk of junk you drive could use some work.”

You ignore the jab, because your car works perfectly fine thank you very much, and snort at the suggestion of such an outrageous purchase.

“What? You tryna be my sugar daddy or something?” You joke. Katsuki gives you a look, and it's dead serious.

“D’ya need one?”

“I—no!” You laugh, and have to remind yourself to reel it in before you actually wake Denki up. “I’m fine financially I just—what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothin’.” Katsuki quickly grumbles, facing forwards again. “I just...”

You raise an eyebrow, “You just..?”

“I dunno. I dunno,” Katsuki shakes his head. You let him gather his thoughts in silence before he tries again. He doesn’t.

“Then fuck me.”

In your defense, your mouth moved before you thought it through.

Katsuki has an unreadable look on his face, but his voice is anything but steady when he says, “What?”

Fuck. Fuck.

“U-Uh, I mean,” you recoil. Stupid big mouth. “I—you—don’t worry about it.”

“You said you wanted to fuck me,” Katsuki deadpans. You choke.

“I—no, that’s not—“

“That’s exactly what you said.”

“No, I meant as in I’m pent up. Obviously,” you defend with a huff, crossing your arms on the pillow as you glare daggers his way. Katsuki matches your stare.

“Not as pent up as a Pro Hero,” he scoffs, lifting an eyebrow. You take it as a challenge.

You click your tongue in faux pity, “Awe, the number two hero Dynamight doesn’t get laid?”

“No fuckin’ time,” he grunts, though you don’t find much remorse in his voice.

“Well, you have time now,” you say, completely unsure of where this confidence is coming from. Either way, you’ll take it and run.

“I do,” Katsuki confirms, leaning in closer. He’s close enough that you can smell what’s leftover of his cologne, and see the hint of a grin that makes his upper cheek shine silver in the moonlight. You find yourself leaning in just as much as he does.

“Wanna blow off some steam?” You dare to question. Katsuki’s grin only grows wider.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Katsuki’s kisses are surprisingly soft, you think, and so are his lips. But you don’t have much time to think about it as he pulls you in by the waist, quietly groaning into your mouth while he lays you down on your back.

“Always thought you were the prettiest fuckin’ thing,” he growls, trailing butterfly kisses down your neck. “‘M gonna make it up to you, yeah? Make you feel so fuckin’ good.”

A hand hikes his sweatshirt above your chest before Katsuki’s latching onto the skin under your collarbone and sucking, teeth digging into your skin hard enough to bruise.

“Y-Yeah, that’s fine,” you whimper, intoxicated by the way Katsuki’s lips flush pink as he pulls away, eyes locked on the fresh hickey on your chest. They flicker up to you; he grins.

“Good?”

“Mhm.”

Katsuki hums at that, licking his lips before diving back in. You hiss when he bites too hard, prompting him to bite harder, but he always soothes it over with his tongue, topping each bruise with a kiss. You flinch when his lips wrap around your nipple and he chuckles at your meek whimper; a hand removes its grip on the sweatshirt in favor of sliding it up your thigh.

“Fuckin’ perfect,” Katsuki says once he pulls away, enjoying the sight of you writhing in anticipation. “And it’s all for me, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, ‘m all yours just—“ you kick a leg in frustration at the thumb playing with the hem of your panties, “—do something already.”

Katsuki raises an eyebrow, “Do what?”

You frown, huffing, “You know what.”

Katsuki shrugs, adjusting so he’s caging you to the floor. Ghosting a thumb over your panties, he says, “‘Course I do. You gotta ask nicely first.”

You tighten your hands into fists. He would.

“I’m no—“

“Beg, Princess,” Katsuki growls, his stare unwavering. He presses an inquisitive finger to your clit through your panties either as a promise or a threat—which, you’re not quite sure.

You crumble.

“I—fine, just—finger me.”

Katsuki doesn’t move. Asshole.

“Please.”

The ash-blond grins, finally pushing your panties to the side.

“Good girl.”

When Katsuki slides his first finger in, it’s much too easy, and you blame it on the foreplay. You shudder, hands moving to brace themselves on his big shoulders, and the ash-blond muffles a moan as your nails dig into his shoulders.

“Another,” you moan, bucking your hips into his palm. Katsuki’s heated gaze flickers from your body to your face.

“Already?” He chuckles, the rasp in his throat giving his arousal away. You nod—he clicks his tongue.

“Fuckin’ dirty.”

Two fingers feel like so much more than just one, and they have your eyebrows folding in a poor attempt to muffle a whimper. Katsuki’s fingers still move tentatively but they’re getting comfortable, curling and searching for that place that’ll make you tremble. And then he finds it.

“F-Fuck,” your body jolts, and Katsuki’s shushing you against the pillows.

“Keep your mouth shut, Princess,” he purrs, head dipping down to nip at your neck. It adjusts the angle ever so slightly, but enough to make you hiss, and he chuckles. “Unless you wanna get caught.”

“Oh yeah, because that sounds fun right now,” you snort towards the ceiling. Katsuki pulls away with an unimpressed look as his thumb comes down over your clit.

“Can’t wait to fuck the brat outta ya. Maybe then you’ll actually shut up for once, huh?” Katsuki inserts a third finger without you asking him to, and you gasp, clawing at his back.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he laughs against your mouth lowly, as if the light kisses will do anything but make more noise, “Good God sweetheart, you’re really pent up, aren’t ya?”

“Shit—I doubt you’re much better,” you try, scoffing at what you can see of his painfully hard cock in his sweatpants. Katsuki looks down before sending a huff your way, with a cute little blush dusted on his cheeks.

“Shut the fuck up,” he grunts, pulling out his fingers. You whine at the loss. “How d’ya want me to fuck you?”

You need to take a step back from how crude the question is. Right, sex.

“Right um,” you look around, trying to find the least obvious position—and one that doesn’t make a shit ton of noise. Laying on your side, you tuck an arm under the pillow, before turning around to Katsuki to suggest, “Cuddle-fucking?”

“Cuddle-fucking.”

“Yep,” you say with finality, popping the p. Making big grabby hands his way, you say, “C’mere, big guy.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes but moves behind you anyways, warm arms easily finding themselves around your waist under the blanket. After a few adjustments and ensuring you're both fully covered, Katsuki’s hard cock presses against your entrance as he hooks his head over your chin with a huff.

“This is so not on fuckin’ brand.”

“I don’t think fucking in a living room with sleeping friends is on-brand for a pro hero or a baker,” you say casually. Katsuki breaks out into a snort, pressing his face deeper into your neck.

“God, I fuckin’ missed you, ya know that?” He chortles. Your chest blooms with something it hasn’t in years, and for the first time, you find that you don’t mind.

“Don’t be such a dick and maybe I’ll stick around this time,” you quip with a smile he can’t see. Though you feel his against the base of your neck.

“Noted.”

Katsuki’s last words hang in the air, unusually heavy, and your eyes catch the snow beating against the window with a less than angry howl. Katsuki’s chest shudders against your back but he doesn’t move, hands frozen at your waist.

“Hey, I thought you were gon—“

“I’m getting to it,” Katsuki snaps, and you gasp as he starts to push inside. “So fuckin’ impatient, goddamn.”

He pulls you down until he fills you completely, and you suppress the urge to shout at the speed he did it with. Katsuki moves a hand to slap over your mouth.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You reach around to pinch him in the side with a huff, he calls you a bitch. It’s a little hard to hear you behind his hand as you say, “Then don’t catch me off guard like that, asshole.”

Katsuki snaps his hips and does exactly what you tell him not to do—prompting another surprised whine out of you and a dark chuckle from the ash-blond. His cheek presses into your jaw as he finds leverage in hiking your lower half up until your puffy cunt is level with his cock, and fucking you until you drool all over the pillow.

“What a pretty fuckin’ thing,” Katsuki grunts, and you can tell he struggles to keep quiet in the way his chest sporadically shudders. You have to grip the pillow for some semblance of purchase and Katsuki chuckles at watching you struggle, before he’s hiking your leg up to fuck you that much deeper.

“I always—always knew you’d sound so good,” he pants, the grip around your mouth bordering on clammy. You want to tell him that if he keeps making so much noise he’ll wake up everyone in this fucking room, but there isn’t much time between moans to get more than a word in. “Fuck baby, keep tightening around me like that, and I might fuckin’ cum.”

You find it amusing how close he is so quickly, until two fingers land on your clit and start rubbing in slow, small circles. Your walls flutter around him and Katsuki digs his teeth into your neck with a curse, his grip around your raised thigh contracting as he tries to hold on for as long as he can.

And that’s when Denki starts to move.

First, he rolls to the left. Which would’ve been fine, seeing as it’s in the opposite direction until he bops Eijirou straight on the nose and promptly rouses the redhead from his slumber. Katsuki’s hips still.

“O-Ow, dick,” Eijirou curses under his breath, quickly scrambling to his forearms. It’s hard to tell through the darkness, mostly because you’re squinting your eyes to feign sleep, but it seems like Eijirou rubs under his nose, only to blink back at a bloody hand.

“...Shit.”

Katsuki’s hips shift, ever so slightly, but enough to nestle his cock deeper and force you to bite back a whine. And another. And then another.

You try your hardest to be discreet when you reach to pinch Katsuki in the side, and he breathes a laugh down your neck.

“What?” He whispers, though it's more than a rasp than anything else. Good to know you’re not the only one struggling to not cum, here.

“You know 'what,'” you quickly hiss. But Katsuki’s hips don’t stop as Eijirou weighs his options to cure his bloody nose in the dark. The fingers on your clit return their usual pressure and you inhale sharply, nails digging into Katsuki’s forearm as your orgasm begins creeping up on you.

Eijirou sniffles and gets up, stumbling through the darkness to turn down the hall that leads to the bedrooms. Katsuki sees that as fucking freedom and his hips really start to pick up so much speed that you struggle to breathe through it all.

“‘M gonna cum,” Katsuki whimpers into your neck, burying his face deeper in a poor attempt to stunt any sound. “Fuck, fuck ‘m gonna cum, you close baby?”

“Y-Yeah jus’ a little more,” you whimper, eyes rolling as Katsuki finds some inhumane energy in him to fuck faster. He nods at that and bites into your shoulder with a growl, “C’mon, fuckin’ cream all over my cock—atta girl, fuck, fuck—“

Katsuki fills you up the moment you clench around his cock with a sigh, the weight of your orgasm knocking you forehead-first into your pillow as you bite the urge to squeal. Katsuki doesn't growl as much as you expect, moans breathy and light as his hips finally stutter to a stop—but you suppose some things have to change over the years.

Katsuki collapses next to you in pure exhaustion and you’re sure that’s his cum leaking down your thigh, but for some reason, you don’t really mind.

“Hey you,” he speaks first, eyes blazing red in the darkness. You snort.

“Hey, you.”

Katsuki chuckles with a stupidly giddy smile on his face, "Y'know, you still fuck really well."

You drop your head on his chest to snort, and his hands find their rightful place around your waist.

"Better than high school?"

"Yeah..." Katsuki grumbles, before his eyes narrow. "Wait—hey, yo—"

"I haven't fucked anyone since," you snuff the fire before it even starts, and Katsuki relaxes, though his eyes stay slim. He pulls you closer and you sigh—it's comfortable.

"Good," he grunts. And then after a pregnant silence: "I haven't either."

That's...strangely reassuring.

Your arms wriggle until they fold over his shoulders to play with the small hairs on the back of his neck, and he hums, eyes fluttering shut with a final peck on the lips. As Katsuki's breathing evens and the white of the snow dyes the highest points of his face white, you smile. He looks older.

You think he's asleep until he nudges your waist.

"Be my girlfriend."

You don't even hesitate.

"Okay."

By the time Eijirou comes stumbling down the hall, both you and Katsuki are passed out—with his body encompassing yours in the most intimate way, face tucked into your hickey-ridden neck as your arms and legs lock around his being. The redhead gives you both a soft smile as he passes, snorting to himself.

“Took them long enough.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOTSUKI