#we used to be gentle parented into not saying luck | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lieslab · 2 months ago

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Do not go gentle into that good night

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Minho X afab reader

Summary: You've been waiting months to meet your baby, but giving birth doesn't go the way you and your husband expected it to.

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 6.8k

Trigger warning: Mentions of blood, nausea, giving birth, bodily fluids, and near death experiences.

A/N: I combined two pregnancy requests for this and all I have to say is good luck. This took me three hours to write. This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. Yes, it does have references to Interstellar. It felt right and I feel like I'm going to think about this for the rest of my life. Enjoy <3

_ _ _

Having a baby is one of the most difficult things a person can do in their life. Expected or not, no matter the conscious decision, it’s bound to be life-changing. When you go from you to we. From me to us. One to two, possibly three or more.

For you and Minho, it’d been a conversation held in passing before. Jokes about someone created with each of your DNA and quirks. Maybe your eyes and his lips. His eyebrows and the length of your lashes. You always laughed and joked, never knowing when the time was right, and then it was there.

A heavy decision between the two of you, but you both agreed to it. Nine months and a few weeks ago, you didn’t know what caused it. Perhaps, it was the conversations from his parents when they jokingly asked when their grandchildren would no longer be cats.

Maybe it happened because Minho caught you staring at a baby while the two of you were grocery shopping one day. The way your eyes lit up and a smile naturally came to your face. When the child’s mother stepped around the cart to grab something and for a brief moment, the stranger’s child held eye contact with you. The way it didn’t feel like a coincidence, but rather a silent promise from the universe. When the time was right, you’d have your baby, too.

Two months and six days into your pregnancy, you bombarded Minho with baby name books from the library. You forced him into a chair in the kitchen and pointed out all the names you liked. He couldn’t be mad at you. Exhausted from dance practice? Absolutely, but the way you were so happy, there’s no way he could ruin that for you.

The taunting and teasing never stopped throughout your pregnancy and for that, you were grateful for. You didn’t know what you’d do without it. After the shock melted away and you realized you were pregnant, you grew fearful that things would change.

Perhaps, he’d have second thoughts and regret it. Maybe he’d decide to leave, despite the vows you took and the way the golden bands wrapped around each of your fingers day-after-day. Your own self-doubt wrapped around you like an oversized sweater, but when Minho took that oath at the altar, he vowed to keep it forever.

In sickness and in health. Every time he could be, he was there. He took extra days off work when your morning sickness appeared. When your feet swelled up and tears flooded your eyes, he was right there to soothe you and gently work his fingers into the bottom of your foot.

When your body changed against your will and to your disappointment, he was right there consoling you. You laid in his lap, feelings scattered from the hormonal changes, but he didn’t taunt you for what you couldn’t control. You hated the new puffiness in your face. The way your stomach poked out with a baby bump.

Other days, you were glowing. He’d wake up to you in the kitchen with multiple ingredients spread out. Humming beneath your breath, you manned the stove like a seasoned fry cook. He constantly worried, he always did. When he tried to gently work the spatula from your hand, you swatted him and told him to leave you alone. Despite your growing belly, you could manage this, for now.

Tying your shoes was another issue. At first, you tried to slip into them while they were still tied. The first time you realized that you could no longer reach your feet, you chucked your shoe in a random direction. Minho appeared, just barely dodging it in time.

It slammed into the wall with a heavy thud, but he didn’t lecture you. Instead, he grabbed it and slid onto the ground beside you. When he grabbed your ankles and gently slipped your shoes around them, you burst into sobs. It was only then that he teased you about crying because he had to touch your reeking shoes. That only caused you to send the other in his direction.

The days and weeks ticked by. Month-after-month marched on. One week until your due date. Two days until your due date. You circled it bright red on the calendar. The day came and then it went. You waited for a sign of your water breaking, but it never came.

On day three, you grew antsy. Your doctor promised she’d induce your pregnancy if you hadn’t popped by the end of the week. Minho offered hot sauce, but you declined. Myths didn’t work on you. You weren’t convinced that it’d break your water. If it did, you’d be trapped in the hospital with heartburn.

Day four, Minho hesitated to go into work, but you insisted. Vowing promises that you’d call if anything changed or happened, he spent the entire day with his phone on. Not once did it ring or ping with a text message.

On that fateful day, the stars aligned. Deep down, you could feel it in your gut. It wasn’t just the baby pressing up against your bladder again, but rather a maternal instinct. The baby was coming, regardless if you were ready or not. You had to be. In a matter of hours or a few days, your family of two would turn into a trio.

The nursery was a conversation that you and Minho spent a lot of time on. Back and forth, your opinions swayed and changed. You didn’t know the gender of the baby, you opted to be surprised. You weren’t really worried, not really. In your head, colors are colors and no matter boy or girl, you’d love them all the same.

The nursery didn’t have to be blue or pink. For nearly two hours one night, you and Minho went back and forth discussing different ideas. At first, it was animals. Painted giraffes that’d stare over your baby with inanimate protection and admiration in their dark eyes.

A small bookshelf full of baby books about a variety of different creatures. Some with creepy crawly bugs and others with the larger than life creatures hanging beneath the ocean currents. The woodland creatures hiding behind trees and tangled in the forest’s underbelly.

Maybe a few of those larger plush animals to settle around the room. When they grew older, your baby could pretend they were real. Everything feels larger when you’re that young. A knee high stuffed elephant to you, but a real life sized one to them.

The wheels shifted and turned in another direction. Minho mentioned a brief obsession he had as a young boy. Space and the aligning planets. The silent vacuum and unraveling darkness.

Maybe you could plant a spaceship inspired bookcase. Painted bright colors and lined with knowledge, you’d coo your kid into becoming the best explorer. Even if the world is scary and dangerous, you’d send them out there into the great beyond. No matter where life took them, you’d try to be the best parents that you could possibly be.

And then it all changed again. Something simple and easily changeable. After all, this would be the room where your baby would grow up. They’d age and flicker through the phases of life, just as you and Minho had. It had to be rational, expandable, able to be switched around to house whatever beauty that growing mind dreamt up.

And so you decided on a gentle night. Originally, you wanted to decorate with Minho and Minho alone, but when he announced the guys wanted to help, your heart swelled. A heart-stopping and warm reminder that you weren’t just raising this baby alone, you had a village.

You remembered the day like it was yesterday. Felix with denim overalls and Chan and Changbin waltzing in behind him with two gallons of paint in each hand. Jeongin handed everyone brushes and everyone got busy. Too much paint, but the guys didn’t care.

Minho’s arm wrapped around you. He kissed your cheek and all you could do was stare. The laughter and imagination ran wild. Hyunjin’s large bright strokes of color across the white room. On the opposite side, paint from Han’s paintbrush leaked onto Seungmin. He quickly apologized, but Seungmin retaliated by painting his elbow.

What should have taken hours, it only took two. When they finished, Minho led the guys downstairs to help build the crib. You walked around to take photos. You’d never remember this day perfectly as it unwound, but you wanted to try.

The guys often stopped by unexpectedly. It took time before the two of you began to expect it. Chan coming over to make you a hearty and fulfilling meal. Felix randomly appearing with Jeongin and a plateful of his brownies.

When Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, and Seungmin appeared all together one day and offered to take you out to get your mind off your worries about the baby, you collapsed in Seungmin’s arms sobbing. Gripping onto him tightly, you thanked him over and over again. All he could do was weakly console you and look to the guys for help, but he was on his own. He wasn’t used to your high-strung emotions, nobody was.

The days all kept going and going and going. You waited and waited and waited. In the nursery, you and Minho finished it alone. Using puffy brushes, you dabbed white amongst the blue to replicate puffy white clouds. You tried to help Minho put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, but he refused. Having you stand on a ladder and reach up, it was far too much stress and a disaster waiting to happen.

In the end, sitting in your rocking chair and gently rocking, it felt like being in the clouds. A white soft rug sat in the middle of the floor. You planned to use it for tummy time when the timing was right.

Shades of lighter blue and white filtered around the room. From plushies, curtains, and to a variety of other things, the only thing missing was your kid. You knew they’d be here soon, you just didn’t know when the time would be right.

You rocked in your rocking chair and waited. Minho’s vocals bounced off the recording studio’s walls. Anxiety pulsed in his stomach and he rocked on his feet, waiting for Chan’s approval to continue singing or not.

Your hands wrapped around your stomach. “You’ve been in there such a long time, but I can’t wait to hold you in my arms. I think you’re really going to love it here. Your father and I have spent so long waiting for you. He’s just as excited as I am.”

A faint kick hit the palm of your hand, causing you to smile. “I bet you’re tired of being in there, aren’t you? Whenever you’re ready, we’ll be waiting for you.” You laughed to yourself, amused with the idea of your baby rationalizing your words and understanding your thoughts.

You pushed against the arms to get up, but that’s when you felt it. Something shifted internally. Your eyebrows pinched together in pain and your hand went back to your stomach. “Easy there, you’re hurting me. Try not to get too squirmy or I’ll have to call the doctor.”

You couldn’t understand it, not fully. Something was happening, but you weren’t sure what. The sun continued to wind down from afternoon into evening. Minho reappeared at the end of the day and kicked off his shoes.

You sat with your cheek slung over the edge of the couch. Anxiety brewed, but you didn’t know what to say to Minho, or your doctor. Your water didn’t burst. You weren’t bleeding vaginally. Besides an occasional pain in your stomach, nothing happened.

“How’s my baby?”

“I’m good,” you mumbled from the couch.

“I meant our child.”

You glanced over with an unamused scowl. Minho grinned and slowly approached you. “I’m just kidding. Did anything change while I was away?”

Your mouth opened and you considered telling him, but you decided against it. Worrying him was pointless, he was already anxious enough. After your due date, you knew he worried as much as you. You could tell by the way that he kept glancing over and looking at you when he thought you were distracted.

“Not really. A lot of bumps to my bladder, unfortunately, but I’ve made it to the bathroom every time. It’s probably a good thing I took time off work for maternity leave, right?” You forced yourself to smile.

He eyed you and nodded. You didn’t pull away, allowing him to lean down and press a soft kiss to your forehead. “Only a few more days until we officially become parents. I can’t wait to be a parent beside you.”

“Do you think we’ll be good parents?”

“I know we’ll be good parents. If we don’t know the answers, we have your parents and my parents. I’m sure if we needed to, the guys’ parents would help out, too. Some of my staff members are also parents. They’re all taking bets on the gender of the baby.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He reached down and pressed a gentle hand to your stomach. “I hope you’re a boy. If you’re a girl, I owe my manager fifty bucks.”

“Lee Minho!”

“Hey, let’s be serious, do you think I’d really pay up if our baby is a girl? I’m going to use the excuse that I’m a first time father. You know how my manager feels about me, right?”

“You’re being manipulative and cruel.”

“I’m winning fifty bucks for this family and when I win it, we’re going out for a nice dinner.”

“With the baby?” Your eyebrow raised.

“Oh, no. At some point, we’re going to use a break. I think my mom misses me being a baby sometimes. She’ll get to experience it all over again with our little one.” He patted your stomach a few times and pulled away. “I’ve gotta go shower, but if you need something, call me. I’ll make us dinner when I’m finished.”

You watched him disappear back into the bathroom. The pain in your stomach grew and you waited for your water to burst. You expected warmth between your legs. A gush that felt like you urinated everywhere, but it never came. Instead, nothing happened and the evening continued to unravel like usual.

~ ~ ~

The neon red letters of your clock read 2:11 AM. You blinked, groggily coming around. Behind you, Minho slept facing the opposite wall. Every night, he tossed and turned between the blankets and the mattress. Tonight, it wasn’t any different.

However, something caused you to jerk upright. You blinked blearily, trying to get a good grasp on your surroundings. Your hand blindly fumbled over towards your husband. “Minho?” You whispered softly.

He shifted and his nose scrunched. In the darkness of the bedroom, night swallowed both of you whole. You forced your arm to shake his shoulder harder. Your voice came out a little louder this time. “Minho?”

He groaned and spun around. “No, I don’t wanna get up. I have the day off. Leave me alone and let me sleep.”

“Minho, there’s something wrong with the baby.”

His eyes cracked open and the words echoed in his head. One time. Twice. Three times and then he jerked himself up so fast, you feared you gave him whiplash. “What? What’s wrong? Did your water break? Are you bleeding?”

His hands pawed around as he pushed himself up from the bed. He fumbled, attempting to find the switch to click on the lamp. “What’s going on? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“I’ve been having what I think are contractions since yesterday afternoon and I-”

The faint click caused both of your eyes to shut. Bright yellow light blinded both of you immediately. You groaned and tucked your hands around your stomach. It took a few seconds before he opened his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“I felt weird yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Panic laced his voice. A hand ran through his hair and he looked for the bags the two of you previously packed. Two bags, one for each of you. Both were filled with items to last you throughout your hospital stay.

“I didn’t want to worry you. My water didn’t break and for so long, I thought it might be in my head.”

“We have to get you to the hospital right now.”

“Something’s wrong. I don’t know what it is, but it’s wrong. I don’t understand it. My water hasn’t broken. I’m not bleeding. I can feel the baby moving, but I-”

“Let’s go!”

He wasted no time slinging the bags over his shoulders and gently helping you to your feet. In your pajama shorts and oversized t-shirt, sleep still clung to you. Instead of walking, you waddled down the hall. Not something you liked doing, but something you learned how to do as your stomach kept expanding in front of you.

You tried to remember the way your house looked. Two lovers with vows gifted to the gods. Golden rings around your fingers and a baby kept comfortable in your stomach. You remembered the excitement in your eyes when the two of you agreed to have a baby. The giddiness in your skips to the bedroom. Minho’s laughter filled the crevice of every fault in your heart.

When you came back home, you’d be a new family of three.

~ ~ ~

“You did the right thing by coming in. How long did you say you’ve been having these pains?” The doctor glanced up from between your legs.

“Since yesterday afternoon.”

“Well, I have good news and bad news.”

Beside you, Minho’s hand slipped into yours and he gently squeezed your hand. The doctor smiled at the two of you, a silent reassurance that despite the bad, you’d be in good hands. “The good news is this is completely fixable.”

“And the bad?”

“Well, childbirth is never easy, is it?”

“So you’re saying that things are okay?” You squeezed Minho’s hand tighter, hoping for reassurance. He grimaced, but didn’t tell you to let go.

“What you’re experiencing right now is labor arrest. Technically, you’re in labor, but your contractions aren’t strong enough to help open your cervix. We want your cervix open, so we can get the baby out vaginally.” The doctor pushed back on her stool and began to remove her gloves.

“So this is fixable?”

“I’m going to have a nurse administer a certain medicine via IV drip. It’ll help push you further into labor. Your contractions will increase and although it might not feel great, it’ll help you dilate more. The cervix expands ten centimeters.”

“How big is that exactly?”

“Roughly? About the size of the lid of a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream pint.”

Minho’s face began to grow pale. “Not to sound insensitive here, but I’m so glad I’m not pregnant. You’re so strong and you can definitely do this.”

You glanced up, not thrilled at his words. He gave you a faint smile and gently patted the top of your hand. “Don’t worry, there’s ways to help with pain, right?” He glanced up at the doctor for reassurance.

“Of course. If the contractions become too bad and too painful, we can always administer an epidural to numb you from the waist down. I know it’s scary, but don’t worry, you’re in good hands” The doctor patted your shoulder and disappeared from the room.

Beside you, Minho let out a soft sigh. “I guess for now, it’s just another waiting game, huh?”

“At least our baby is okay.” Your hands kept steady around your stomach. Ever since you arrived, you didn’t let go. It was the closest thing you could get to holding your baby for now. “Let’s just hope and pray it goes smoothly from this point on.”

~ ~ ~

Sometime in the early morning, you weren’t sure what went wrong. You tried to do everything right for this pregnancy. No alcohol or caffeine. You limited yourself to the exposure of germs. Hand washing became more and more frequent.

It all went so smoothly after the nurse administered an IV and ran medication into it. Your contractions picked up and when the option for an epidural came around, you took it. You waited and waited and waited some more.

Minho tried to keep you entertained. He texted everyone to let them know you were in labor. You texted your own family to give them the exciting news. You were bound to the bed after your epidural, it’s not like you could go anywhere with the lower half of your body numbed, but you were still excited.

Your hands patted your numbed thighs. Every so often, the doctor came back to check your dilation. You were progressing so well throughout the morning and she was sure you could begin pushing by noon.

Your kid was almost here. Nine months and a handful of days of waiting. You waited for this moment for so long. You thought about the satisfaction of giving birth in your worst moments.

Leaning over the toilet and projectile vomiting as your stomach twisted and turned, you held onto the thought of staring into your child’s eyes one day. When you cried over not being able to tie your shoes without help, you reminded yourself that your own kid would take their very first steps. You’d be right there with Minho to experience it all.

You pouted when Minho ate something you couldn’t have. He tried not to eat what you couldn’t have, but he was only human. Sometimes he caved and had sushi or the occasional alcoholic drink. You couldn’t blame him. If the roles were reversed, you’d indulge, too. It still hurt your heart and your sensitive hormones when it happened.

“Push!” The doctor instructed you. “Come on, I know it hurts, but you’ve gotta keep going. I can see the head. Just a little more.”

Minho couldn’t feel his hand. He couldn’t feel his hand ten minutes ago. If he would have known you would have destroyed it while giving birth, he would have worked out his hands with those hand cranks.

“I can’t!” You cried out with tears in your eyes. “I can’t push anymore.”

“You don’t have a choice, you have to. Come on, you can do this!”

Tears dripped down your cheeks. Your body had been through absolute hell for hours. The epidural began to wear off and they refused to give you another. Sweat dripped down the side of your flushed face.

“Come on,” Minho whispered gently. “A few more pushes and you never have to do this again.”

“This is all your fault!” You snapped angrily. “You got me pregnant!”

“I know, I know.”

“Push!” The doctor instructed again.

Behind her, a handful of nurses awaited the arrival of your little one. They were already prepped with the towels and the warmer. Brightly colored scrubs and the white nasal aspirator to clear out their nose and mouth from amniotic fluid.

You gritted your teeth and with a cry of frustration, you began to push again. The head and shoulders were always the worst part. Your cervix sat wide open and you still thought it’d stretch and tear. If you were lucky, you’d manage to escape this without ripping down to your ass.

“How fucking big is this goddamn baby?” Your eyes squeezed shut and you pushed again.

“I think that’s a little offensive.”

“Shut the fuck up, Minho!”

Between your legs, the doctor tried to stop her laughter. Kind green eyes, hair pulled back, and gloves soaked with amniotic fluid, she coached you to push again. Minho’s hand turned white from the force of your fingers clenching around it.

He forced himself to take his own deep breaths. He breathed how the doctor instructed you to breathe. It was the only thing stopping him from jerking his hand away and screaming at the top of his lungs.

“I can see the head! Keep pushing! You’re almost there! A few more and you’ve got it! Come on!”

“Minho?” You croaked, wrenching his hand a final time. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“No, no, no. You can. You can do this. I didn’t stand here and get the bones broken in my hand for nothing. Push!”

Your scream bounced off the walls. It hit everyone’s ears. The pain, the determination, and the grit that only a mother can carry. The doctor’s hands swooped in and for a brief second, the pain stopped. Your cries weren’t the only one.

“You did it,” Minho whispered. He leaned down, wrapped a hand around your head, and gently tucked you to his stomach. “Did you hear me? You did it.”

Tears steadily streamed down your cheeks. You didn’t take your eyes off your baby. Passed from doctor to nurse, the nurse rushed in to take care of the wailing and choking baby. The doctor beamed and turned back to you.

“It’s a boy! You’re having a boy! Congratulations, you did an amazing job.”

Minho blinked rapidly, trying not to cry. Nurses worked frantically through the cries. A tiny suction in the back of the throat and pulled out. In one nasal and then the other. He reached up and wiped his eyes before the tears could fall.

You, on the other hand, dread grew in your gut. A dizziness overtook you and your grip on Minho’s hand weakened. “Minho?” You whispered.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t feel very good.”

The doctor caught your words and glanced up. The moment she realized the color of your face was fading, her eyes widened. “Hey! I need some help over here!”

Unoccupied nurses glanced back at you.

“Sutures stat! We’ve got hemorrhaging!” She jerked her surgical mask back over her face and rushed back between your legs.

You didn’t know what was happening, but you could feel it. Warmth flooded between your legs. It soaked the bed sheet beneath you and spread out in every direction. The doctor cursed beneath her breath and grabbed a cloth to place pressure on the bleeding.

“What’s going on?”

“The baby was larger than expected. When that happens, sometimes there’s tearing. Stitches are going to be needed.” The doctor called your name and glanced back up at your face. “Can you hear me?”

“Baby?” Minho reached up and gently tapped your cheek. “Stay awake. Do you hear me? Don’t close your eyes. You’re going to be okay. They’re going to fix you and-”

“I love you.”

His heart dropped. Three little words that held so much weight. He dropped to his knees, tucking your face between his hands. “Don’t you dare leave me here. Fight! Don’t fall asleep!”

In the distance, the baby cried louder. A nurse cooed, trying to console up as chaos broke loose in the background. Minho tapped your cheek rapidly, but your eyes drooped further and further shut.

“No, no, no. Wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP! Don’t leave us here!”

“Get him out of here, now!”

“No!”

A nurse rushed to his side. “Sir, please.”

“I’m not leaving!”

“You need to let the doctor work. Please, you’re only making this worse for everyone involved.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

He didn’t get a choice in the end. Not willingly. Another nurse appeared, a male with biceps protruding beneath his light pink scrubs. “Sir, we’re not asking you, we’re telling you.”

Your eyes drooped until your head slumped back against the hospital bed. A suture kit found the doctor’s hand and she began to instruct a nurse what she needed from her. Her hands worked methodically. This wasn’t the first time she raced death to save a patient after giving birth.

He fought against the man-handling, but it was no use. All he could do was call out your name through the cries of your newborn son. Stepping outside felt like losing both of you.

A family of three and now possibly, back to a family of one.

~ ~ ~

Minho didn’t pray. Not regularly. Not religiously. Not as much as he probably should. Life was always hectic and believing in a higher power, it never took up too much time in his life.

In the hospital chapel, at first, he prayed; then he called his mom.

She picked up on the third ring. A soft spoken voice that he’d found comfort in ever since he was a child. “Mom?”

“Hi, honey! How is everything? Is it going well?”

It broke him. Between the barren wooden pews, the stained glass windows, and the image of Jesus in the front of the altar, he burst into tears. He called out to his mother and his voice may have changed from childhood to puberty, but the need for his mother did not.

On the opposite end of the phone, his mother frowned. She clutched the phone tighter and tried to get through her son’s grief. “Honey, what happened? What’s wrong? You’ve got to talk to me, sweetheart.”

“S-she-”

“Did something happen to your wife?”

“Hemorrhaging.”

“Oh, Minho.”

Her words sent him into another sob that he couldn’t hold back. How many times had he tried to hold back his sobs as a kid? Back when he fell off the bike for the first time and hit the pavement. When he toddled along on stubby legs and unexpectedly hit the ground with a faint thud.

Being a parent never ends, never fully. At least, it’s not supposed to. At the end of the day, that book always shut. Who disappears first? The parent or the child? No matter what, it always hurts.

A sting that zaps your heart and buries into every part of your life. It strikes you at the wrong time. The mourning for your kid. The loss of a parent. It never goes away, not really. The years travel by and the hurt lessens, but it doesn’t mean it never aches.

At that moment, his mother wished she could climb through the phone and hug him. It didn’t matter that he’d turned into a man. In her heart, he’d always be her baby. His cats were the closest thing she’d get to being around him all the time.

You cannot keep your kid in a cage. You have to let them explore the world around them. Nurture them right and send them on their way. If your kid doesn’t learn how to navigate the outside world, they’ll never strengthen the wings to gain flight. If you do it right, they’ll come back.

Like a pigeon, they’ll find their way back home. Chirping and hopping. Cooing with a new shiny thing. Stories about their career and new friends. A final love, a new family, something more that fills their heart, just the way that they’ve always filled yours.

“I-I’m trying to stay positive, Mom. I’m so scared. What if-”

“I know it’s scary, but I have to believe that she’ll overcome this.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“I believe it, the exact same way that I believed when your father and I had you.”

~ ~ ~

Do not go gentle into that goodnight.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The memories flickered like the lash of a sudden spark. Flipping through clouded currents and forming in between static filled channels. You remember what life was like as a kid. You remember it all.

The bright green grass and the way the butterfly wings flapped. The melodic sound of the ice cream truck and the way a late family member laughed at the sight of your sticky face. It dripped down your chin and coated your collar.

The bees came by, betting on which one of them could taste the sweetness first. They never had a chance. Not when your mother whisked you away to wipe off the sticky remnants of another early summer.

People filled the beach at the first lake you went to. They speckled up and down the sandy shore. Umbrellas stuck out to shield the harsh sunlight. It blinded your sensitive eyes as you rushed with arms up to meet the water.

Your father called after you, warning you to be careful. You were still young. This much water all at once, it was still so new to you. Some unkept secret that some higher power stashed away. You remember the way the cool water hit your toes. Love grew in your bones and then you dived in.

A conversation in passing that you had with your mother nearly a decade ago. Sitting beside her while she folded her laundry. You didn’t know where the words came from, but you blurted them out anyway. “I don’t know if I want kids.”

“Oh, but you will. Having kids, it’s the most rewarding and best thing ever. When you have them, treat them right and they’ll always come back to you.”

A familiar smile, the same eyes as you, and two decades older. I am all that you can be. You are what I could have been. Two separate generations can dream and conquer the same exact thing.

In the winter snow, you flopped face down. Bundled in too many layers, brought to you proudly by your mother. Because if too much skin was exposed, you’d surely freeze to death.

Minho’s eyes held you captive the first time you saw him. You always romanticized the idea of dating a singer. A singer. A song-writer. A dancer.

Someone who jerks and throws their limbs out, creating a story in their own way. Words on a page, hidden inklings of their soul. The words unveil and pulse out into the world. A happy jingle. A devastating ballad. Whatever they sang, they always breathed life into the story behind the words.

You never believed in love at first sight. Not really. Not until that moment. You tipped over and free fell into a vat of sticky syrup, but you didn’t fight against it. Minho’s wit sucked you in. Every talent unlocked, you began to think he was superhuman.

Touching created sparks. No matter how minor, your heart banged like a drum. A never-ending current danced through your body with him. Your cheeks flushed red and even if he laughed at you, it never really mattered.

The two of you had something special. Special enough to make that leap of faith to the altar. Two families became one. He forced his cats to make a brief appearance in cat sized tuxedos. You didn’t know why, but he did.

Your laughter set his soul ablaze. With you, every mountain felt like a molehill. Your joy was his. He’d collect the stars and bottle them to help you find your way through the dark. He wasn’t a collector, but he wrote down every moment with you.

Write the memories and trudge through the passage of time. Hand-in-hand, life felt better with you. Not just a partner, but a lover. Someone he could hold and mend. Whenever he didn’t feel good enough, he just looked over at you.

From day one, your face never changed when you looked at him. A softness bloomed. Something sweeter, kinder, and simpler. You were his to keep forever, just as he was yours.

The first cry of your baby before you blacked out, the sound of your husband telling you to fight, it powered something indescribable. Humans are capable of anything if they believe hard enough. Some call it pure delusion and some call it God.

If there is a constant push of will, humans will always, always find a way. You found your way in that hospital room. Despite the blood oozing down the doctor’s gloves and staining the sheets, your heart kept beating. It weakened briefly, but it never stopped.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~ ~ ~

When your eyes reopened, Minho was the first to grab your hand. Two tears slipped down his cheeks and rolled against the warmth of his neck. It was so unlike him, you had to look again to see if you were seeing it right.

“Minho?” Your voice cracked.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you. You’re okay. The doctor stabilized you and it’s okay now. Don’t worry, I’m right here.”

“The baby?”

“He’s okay, too. He’s on the other side of you sleeping. The doctor let him stay in the incubator right here. All his vitals are good. The only problem is that he lacks a name.”

He slipped his hand into yours and gently squeezed it. He didn’t care about the bruising around his dominant hand. All he cared about was your safety and health. He reached the back of your palm to his lips and planted the warmth of a kiss.

“You’re both okay?”

He weakly chuckled and nodded. “Now that you’re okay, yes. We’re both okay. We’ve been waiting for you to come back to us. It’s time for us to be parents now.”

“Minho?” You whispered as your eyes drooped.

“Hm?”

“I’m so scared.”

“I’m scared too, but that’s okay. My mom said that it’s completely normal to be scared. If you’re scared and still trying your best, you’re probably doing it right, apparently.”

“I love your mom.”

“I love her, too.”

A silence broke out in the space between you. Still exhausted from your brush against death, Minho couldn’t blame you for wanting to go back to sleep. He reached up and pushed a strand of hair from your forehead.

“Have you held him?”

His head shook. “I considered it, but you carried him in your stomach for nine months. I figured that you should be the first parent to hold him.”

“Can you bring him to me?”

“Doesn’t that mean I get to be the one to hold him first?”

“I don’t care, I want to see our son.”

He sighed and gently released your hand. “I have to warn you before I hand him over. He’s very, very cute. He has my eyes and your eyebrows.”

“Does he have your prominent cupid's bow?”

“If I said yes?”

“I’d be the happiest person alive.”

“You’ll be happy to hear that he does. He’s also completely bald and looks a little like an old man, but the nurses said that’s temporary.”

Your eyes cracked open. You watched Minho gently scoop the newborn up from the incubator. The baby curled against his chest and he carefully brought him towards you.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to say that thought out loud.”

“Look at the cute little hat. If I ask the guys, maybe they can purchase some cute beanies for his bald head. I can’t have him looking like Hyunjin. This little guy is the perfect size to put in the air fryer.”

“If you air fry our son, I’m putting you in the oven.”

“Fair enough.” He lowered himself down and carefully shimmied the baby into your awaiting arms. “There you go.”

The moment he settled into your arms, a wave of peace hit you. A baby in your arms and Minho by your side. Your eyes shut before you began to speak. “Hi, we’re your parents.”

“He needs an introduction to us?”

“We can’t wait to raise you and have adventures.”

“You came back from the dead and turned into a sap.”

You narrowed your eyes at him and he gave you a smile. “I’m glad you came back. I love you, you know? I love both of you. Look at that, there’s two of you to love now.”

“I love both of you, too.”

“And a personality like Seungmin, the ungrateful kid can’t even say he loves us back.”

“Lee Minho, if I wasn’t in a hospital bed recovering from giving birth, I’d kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

While the two of them bickered, what they didn’t know was just merely a few feet away. In the doorway, Minho’s mother arrived with a bundle of brightly colored flowers in one hand and a thermos of warm seaweed soup in the other. She rushed here as fast as she could after Minho’s distressing phone call.

She didn’t break the bond between the two of you. Instead, she blinked back tears. Years ago, a similar situation played out between her and Minho’s father. A new bundle of joy in her arms and a lifetime of the unexpected paved out before them.

Just as they made it through the currents of life, so will Minho and you. Just as your son will. The next generation will follow and although it’ll always be difficult at times, time will march on. All the good meant to happen will find you. Always.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lia-linny @seungnishi @stellasays45 @emilyywhyy @rockstarkkami @flightlessackerman @inlovewithstraykids @velvetmoonlght @chrizrizz

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

Ko-fi

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids drabbles #skz fanfic #skz imagines #skz scenarios #lee know #lee minho #lee know fanfic #lee know x reader #lee know x you #lee know x y/n #lee know angst #lee minho angst

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firewasabeast · 11 months ago

Text

A couple years from now, right before buck and tommy’s wedding, maybe buck is feeling overwhelmed, his parents are late to the ceremony, or something’s going wrong and tommy comes into the dressing room. buck says he’s not supposed to be there as he pulls him in for a hug. Then he notices tommy has a box in his hand. It’s wooden, not very big, but it’s something bucks never seen before. They sit down and tommy opens it. Inside the box are pictures of buck and tommy from the past two years. There’s a napkin from their first (official) date. There’s a key from bucks old apartment, it’s the spare he gave to tommy three months into their relationship. a penny they found on the sidewalk that buck said was a good luck charm cause it was heads up. There’s a ‘fall risk’ hospital bracelet from a time tommy got hurt and buck made a really cheesy ‘Id risk falling in love with you’ joke once he knew tommy was okay. there’s a button he saved from his shirt the night they got engaged and were a little too eager to celebrate. and a cork from the wine bottle they opened when they had their friends over to tell them they were getting married.

By the time tommy’s done going through it all, buck can’t help the tears falling down his face as he manages to stutter out, “y- you made us a box? we… we have a box?” And tommy nods, gives him a gentle kiss and answers “we have a box”

And then buck forgets any worry he had, because all he cares about is marrying this perfect human being.

#911 #bucktommy #evan buckley #tommy kinard #buck x tommy #tevan

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p0orbaby · 9 months ago

Text

It’s Generational, Baby!

summary: babies kick, who knew?

warnings: pregnancy

a/n: sorry this is short but you get what you get am afraid

word count: 920

“Your child is really getting on my nerves, you know?” you groan, rubbing your swollen belly like it’s a genie lamp and you’re hoping for a wish that involves a whole lot less peeing.

“My child? Don’t you mean our child?” Leah asks, arching an eyebrow so high it almost disappears into her hairline. She has this knack for looking entirely too amused at your discomfort, like she finds the whole pregnancy thing charmingly hilarious.

“No. She’s all yours when she’s sitting on my fucking bladder,” you shoot back, making a face as another well-aimed kick from inside nearly has you waddling to the bathroom yet again. Honestly, if you had a pound for every time you had to pee, you could afford that beach house in Malibu you've always dreamed of.

Leah can’t help but chuckle at your outburst, her laughter warm and familiar, the kind that makes you feel like even in the middle of all this chaos, everything is going to be A-OK. She sidles up to you, wrapping her arms around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder. “What can I say? She’s got good aim”

“Good aim? She’s using my internal organs as a trampoline. Is that the kind of skill set we really want to encourage?” you huff, though you can’t help but lean into her touch, the heat of her body a comforting, relieving presence against your back. You wonder briefly if you should get in early and sign this kid up for gymnastics, or boxing, or karate.

“Maybe she’s practicing to be the next big athlete in the family,” Leah suggests, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “You know, like her mum”

“Which one?” you quip, earning another laugh from your ever doting wife. “Because right now, I’m not feeling very athletic. More like a bloated whale.” Not that you have anything against whales, but you doubt they’d be thrilled with the comparison either.

Leah tightens her hold, her breath tickling your ear. “A very beautiful whale, though”

“Don’t think you can get away with that smooth talk,” you warn, though a smile is already tugging at the corners of your mouth. “I’m not that easily charmed”

“Lucky for me, we’re already married,” Leah murmurs, her voice low and playful. She shifts, her hand moving to rest on your belly, feeling the little kicks and movements beneath her fingers. “Hey there, kiddo. You giving your mum a hard time?”

The baby responds with another swift kick, and you groan again. “See? She listens to you more than she listens to me”

“Of course she does. I’m a captain, I talk, people listen,” Leah says, her tone dripping with mock arrogance. “Maybe I should start giving her pep talks. Teach her the fine art of not kicking her mother in the bladder”

“Please do,” you sigh, rolling your eyes but unable to suppress a grin. “Though knowing our luck, she’ll just end up kicking harder”

“Well, if that happens, we’ll just have to negotiate with her,” Leah says, gently rubbing your belly. “Promise her all the ice cream and chocolate she wants if she stops using you as a punching bag”

“You really think that’ll work?” you ask, skeptical but hopeful.

Leah shrugs, her smile bright and confident. “Worth a shot, isn’t it?”

You sigh, resting your head against her shoulder. “Fine. But if it doesn’t work, you’re the one who has to deal with her when she’s pushing against my ribcage at 3 AM”

“Deal,” Leah agrees, pressing another kiss to your cheek. “Anything for you, love”

You lean into her embrace, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the baby growing inside you. It’s moments like these, amid the teasing and the jokes, that you felt the depth of your connection with Leah. It’s more than just love; it's a partnership, a shared journey that is as full of laughter as it is of challenges.

"Hey, Leah?" you say softly after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Yeah?" she replies, her voice equally gentle.

"Do you think we'll be good parents?" It is a question that has been gnawing at you, one that you hadn't voiced out loud until now.

Leah turns you around to face her, her eyes searching yours with a seriousness that is rare. "I know we will be," she says firmly. "Because we've got each other. And because we're already so in love with this little one”

You feel a lump form in your throat, emotion welling up inside you. "You really believe that?"

"With all my heart," she says, her smile soft and sincere. "And besides, we've got 23 free babysitters if our patience runs out. And from what I’ve heard, getting good childcare is half the battle with this parenting thing”

You laugh, a sound that feels like a release. "Yeah, I guess it is”

"Come on," Leah says, guiding you to the sofa. "Let's sit down and you can tell me all about how our child has been tormenting you today. Or we could start a record, you know, of particularly impressive kicks? For posterity. Or maybe for her first therapy session”

As you settle into the cushions, you can’t help but feel a wave of contentment wash over you. Despite the discomforts, the uncertainties, and the incessant bladder attacks, you know you are in this together. And with Leah by your side, you feel ready to face whatever comes next, one well placed kick at a time.

#leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #awfc #awfc x reader #engwnt #engwnt x reader #woso #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso community

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swiftiethatlovesf1 · 5 months ago

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Toto Wolff with wife reader. Feat their son, Jack. Them fighting over him bad mouthing and not doing anything to help Lewis for this season. And she's very disappointed. She's giving him silent treatment, no kisses/hugs. Maybe he'll do everything to fix it. Fluff/suggestive/angst. Tag me later!!! Thanks!! :)))

The soft hum of Jack’s cartoons played in the background, barely cutting through the tense silence in the Wolff household. You stood at the kitchen counter, chopping vegetables with precise, almost robotic movements, while Jack sat cross-legged on the living room floor, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing between his parents.

Toto had been trying to catch your attention all morning. You had perfected the art of the silent treatment, replying to his occasional attempts at conversation with curt nods or monosyllabic hums. It was killing him.

"Darling," Toto began for the third time that morning, his Austrian accent heavier than usual, a sure sign he was stressed. "Can we talk about this?"

You didn’t even glance his way, placing the chopped vegetables into a bowl with an audible clatter. The tension in your shoulders was palpable, and it made his chest ache.

"Jack, go wash your hands for lunch, sweetheart," you said softly, turning to your son with a gentle smile. Jack bounded up the stairs, leaving his parents alone in the thick, uncomfortable quiet.

Once Jack was out of earshot, you turned to Toto, crossing your arms. "Talk about what, exactly?" Your tone was calm but carried a blade’s edge, and Toto flinched.

"About this—about us. About what you’re upset with me about," he said, gesturing helplessly.

You scoffed. "You know exactly what I’m upset about, Toto. Don’t pretend you don’t."

He sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "Is this about Lewis?"

"Of course, it’s about Lewis," you snapped, finally unleashing the anger you’d been bottling up. "Lewis has given his heart and soul to Mercedes, to you, and this is how you repay him? By letting him leave without so much as a fight? By standing there while people drag him through the mud as if he hasn’t brought you seven constructors’ championships?"

Toto opened his mouth to respond, but you cut him off.

"And what have you done to support him this season? Nothing! You’ve let him shoulder the blame for a car that wasn’t even his fault. Do you know what it’s like to watch him get torn apart while you just… stand there? It’s shameful, Toto."

He winced at your words, your disappointment cutting deeper than any accusation ever could. "I—"

"No," you interrupted, your voice wavering slightly. "I don’t want to hear your excuses. I trusted you to have his back, and you let him down. You let me down."

Toto took a hesitant step toward you, but you held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks. "You don’t get to touch me right now, Toto. Not until you fix this."

His heart sank. For all your years together, your relationship had been built on mutual respect and trust. Seeing you so hurt, so distant, was almost unbearable.

"I’ll fix it," he promised, his voice firm despite the lump in his throat. "I’ll do whatever it takes."

You turned back to the counter, blinking back tears. "You’d better," you muttered, barely above a whisper.

The next few days passed in a strained truce. Toto made good on his promise to fix things, spending long hours on calls and in meetings, but the tension between you remained. He missed your warmth, your touch, the easy laughter that usually filled your home.

Jack, perceptive even at his young age, noticed the shift. "Why is Mama mad at you, Papa?" he asked one evening as they played with toy cars on the floor.

Toto sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Because I made a mistake, Jack. A big one."

"Are you gonna say sorry?"

"I’m trying, buddy," he said, ruffling Jack’s hair. "But sometimes, saying sorry isn’t enough. You have to show you’re sorry too."

Jack seemed to consider this, then nodded solemnly. "Okay. Good luck, Papa."

Two weeks later, Toto walked into the house with a rare spring in his step. He found you in the living room, curled up with a book while Jack built a Lego tower nearby.

"Can we talk?" he asked cautiously, and you set your book down with a sigh, gesturing for Jack to give you a moment.

Once Jack was out of the room, Toto sat down beside you, close but not touching. "I’ve spoken to Lewis," he began. "And to the team. We’re working on a proper send-off for him—something that reflects everything he’s done for Mercedes."

You raised an eyebrow, but he wasn’t done.

"I’ve also made a statement publicly, addressing the issues from this season. I’ve taken accountability for the car’s performance and defended Lewis’ contributions. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start."

You studied him for a long moment, searching for any hint of insincerity, but found none. "And Lewis?"

"He understands why I handled things the way I did, but he also knows I regret not doing more earlier. We’ve agreed to stay close, even after he moves to Ferrari. He’ll always be family."

Your shoulders relaxed slightly, and Toto dared to reach for your hand. This time, you didn’t pull away.

"I hate fighting with you," he admitted, his voice soft. "I hate knowing I’ve disappointed you. You’re my compass, mein Liebling. When you’re upset with me, I feel… lost."

Your heart softened at his words, and you squeezed his hand. "I just want you to do the right thing, Toto. For Lewis, for the team, for us."

"I will," he promised, leaning in closer. "I’ll always strive to be better. For you. For our family."

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you leaned in and kissed him. It was soft and slow, a reminder of everything you’d built together and everything you still had to fight for.

When you pulled away, Toto rested his forehead against yours, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Does this mean I’m forgiven?"

"Not completely," you teased, but the warmth in your eyes told him he was well on his way.

From the doorway, Jack peeked in, grinning. "Mama and Papa are friends again!" he exclaimed, running over to join you.

You both laughed, pulling him into a tight hug. Whatever challenges lay ahead, you knew you’d face them together—just as you always had.

@pear-1206

#f1 #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 #toto wolff #toto wolff imagine #toto wolff x reader #toto wolff x y/n

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hawkinsbnbg · 9 months ago

Text

hold me tight

Written for @steddieangstyaugust Day 20: “I didn’t know where else to go.”

tags: post Starcourt, friends to lovers, requited unrequited love.

rated: T | word count: 1k4 | ao3

This was stupid, Steve told himself. Absolutely stupid. It wasn't like Eddie was his friend or anything.

They just happened to spend many sleepless nights together smoking and talking about everything and nothing. They just met up at Skull Rock almost every day so Steve could decompress by listening to Eddie's ramblings about DnD, Hell Fire Club, and Corroded Coffin. They just told each other a lot of secrets and held hands to offer each other comfort. They just shared multiple inside jokes that not even their own friends would know.

They just—

Okay, maybe Steve had downplayed it. Because at this point, Eddie might be his only real friend in this town.

And it was just Steve's luck to catch feelings for him and lose him in the process.

See, since his young age, Steve had always been self-aware enough to know what he wanted. Whether it was toys, food, or people. He just never made his liking obvious in case his parents decided to hold them over him.

Hence, nonchalance had always been his default façade. It was the "Kill two birds with one stone", helped him protect his secrets, helped him conceal his most vulnerable part, and helped him remain indestructible under scrutinizing eyes.

And for a long time, Steve thought he was so smart, hiding his true self behind the garnished mask he had created.

Until he met Nancy, until he got his heart broken that night in Tina's bathroom, until he stumbled on Eddie and realized that the mask he wore made him look exactly like what he always hated.

Bullshit.

And now, standing on the Munson Trailer's porch, Steve tried to not turn on his heels and run away or puke his guts out because he was too scared of facing rejection again.

But he also didn't want to be alone right now, and call it his moment of weakness, he just wanted to be held and reassured that everything would be alright even when he probably didn't deserve it.

Selfishly, though, he knew Eddie wouldn't say no to him, not when he was in such a pitiful state, not when they used to be good friends up until Steve ruined it all. And perhaps, it was the thought that gave him enough courage to rap his knuckles on the door.

"D'you know what time is it, man? If you're here to ask for weeds– Holy shit!"

Against his better judgment, Steve shrank in himself, ashamed that he was causing trouble for Eddie once more, making himself as small as possible and bracing for another rejection.

"Uhm, hi?" He smiled weakly.

Wordlessly, Eddie guided him inside, led him to the couch, and sat him down.

After handing him a glass of water, which he sipped slowly, Eddie started cleaning the cuts on his face, movements gentle as if afraid of hurting him.

Though it wasn't much and Steve knew any decent human being would treat him with the same sympathy, his heart still didn't get the memo and started somersaulting in his chest.

He watched the soft yellow light cast on Eddie's face, illuminating those dark brown eyes like stars, shining on the plump lips being worried between those sharp white teeth.

He glanced down, taking in the sleeveless black tee and gray sweatpants, the crimson guitar pick dangling on Eddie's chest as he leaned forward slightly, the tattoos on the pale arms, the long fingers, void of rings.

"What happened?" Eddie asked, sounding genuinely worried, after a moment of tense silence.

Instead of answering the question, Steve only shrugged and grimaced slightly.

"Sorry for waking you up this late. It's just," he averted his gaze to avoid Eddie's intense look. "I didn't know where else to go."

"You're always welcome here, Sweetheart," said Eddie kindly. "And you can wake me up whenever. We're already past that, aren't we?"

Eddie was right.

It wasn't rare for the older boy to climb through Steve's window at random hours and invite himself into Steve's bed so they could cuddle until morning. And it wasn't new for Steve to do so to Eddie, either.

Over just a few months, they had grown impossibly close and Steve would dare to say Eddie was the one who understood him the most and vice versa.

Except, it was never that simple, wasn't it?

It wasn't as if Steve hadn't kissed Eddie in a completely un-platonic way. It wasn't as if they hadn't seen each other since the day Eddie ran away from him, confused and terrified, leaving Steve with even more nightmares.

He sighed, suddenly feeling tired. Who was he kidding anyway? It was a huge mistake to come here after all.

"Yeah," he sniffed. "But I thought I wouldn't be welcomed anymore after what I did to you."

"Steve," said Eddie sharply.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he squeezed his eyes shut and raked his fingers through his sticky hair, using the dull aches to ground himself. "I– Tonight's been a lot. People died, Eddie. And all I could think about was you. As much as I regret driving you away, I'd kiss you again and again even if I were allowed to come back to that day to fix my mistake. Because it had kept you safe and away from me, from dangers. And I swear I'm not trying to make you forgive me out of pity. I know I had screwed up big time. So I'm gonna be out of your hair soo–"

Steve let out a gasp when Eddie suddenly kissed him, staring in shock as Eddie pressed another one on the corner of his mouth, tasting his blood and pain.

"What–"

"I'm aware this is far from the appropriate answer you deserve," Eddie brushed a hair out of Steve's forehead, smiling sadly. "But I couldn't find any way more obvious to tell you the kiss was never a mistake. Because I've been dreaming about it for months and you had granted me exactly what I wanted."

Steve was confused. Because why would Eddie say that? Why would he kiss Steve then when all Steve wanted was to make it right? Why would he look so sad when he had already shattered Steve's heart into pieces?

"Why?" Steve asked softly, unable to hold a grudge when Eddie was looking at him like he hung the moon and stars, overwhelming and nothing he had feared at all.

"I was scared," said Eddie bluntly without needing him to elaborate, always understanding him beyond words. "That's not an excuse for the way I acted with you. I was an ass for going radio silence and leaving you in the dark. As your friend, I should've known to communicate better. But I didn't and I caused you all this pain just because I panicked over a kiss I've been wanting since the first time I saw you."

"I'm really sorry, Sweetheart," said Eddie quietly, hand cradling his face gently like one would hold something precious. "For having been an idiot and a coward. For breaking your trust. For running away. For hurting you."

Leaning into the touch, Steve closed his eyes and breathed deeply, inhaling the smell of old weeds, leather, citrus, and cigarettes, feeling oddly homesick even though he was already home.

He wanted to get mad at Eddie, to demand some kind of compensation for his battered heart; and yet, he was tired, in pain, and about to keel over now the drug in his system had worn off.

However, he was in no shape to hold a serious conversation at the moment and he knew Eddie had noticed it too.

"Let's go take a shower first, okay?" Eddie leaned in and kissed his shoulder. It was so random but Steve still felt his cheeks warm at the intimate gesture.

Somehow, he didn't have the energy to feel embarrassed about it and ended up having Eddie wash his hair for him.

———

After making a call to check in with Robin as promised, he padded into Eddie's room and joined the older boy beneath the quilts and blankets, smiling softly as he thought about all the time he had been in Eddie's bed when he couldn't stand his parents' arguments.

When Eddie pulled him closer, he went willingly and melted into those arms, feeling warm and safe for the first time after two months of staying apart from his best friend.

"I love you," he mumbled into Eddie's chest, too relaxed and sleepy to care about the consequences. Go big or go home, right?

And when Steve finally drifted off, he heard something almost sounded like, "I love you, too."

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie angsty august #sionewrites

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littlespoonevan · 6 months ago

Note

Princess Diaries 2 au!

not me already cheating askdjfhsa so i actually have the first chapter of this fic written but i never got any further than that so i never posted it. but!!! that means you are in luck bc i can offer you 3.5k almost immediately lmao

i had a lot of fun rereading this though so hopefully this might give me some motivation to keep going with it 🤞✨

“You want to do what?”

Buck’s parents regard him with identical disdainful looks. It’d almost be intimidating if he wasn’t on the receiving end of looks like that from both of them at least once a day.

“Evan, this doesn’t concern you,” his mother sighs.

“Like hell it doesn’t!” he exclaims, looking wildly between his parents and his sister. “Aren’t you forgetting what happened the last time you tried to stick Maddie in an arranged marriage-“

“Evan,” Maddie cuts in, voice gentle but firm enough for Buck to deflate. The smile she offers him is resigned. “It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright,” he protests weakly.

“Maddie understands the responsibilities she has as our daughter,” his father says, the, you don’t, heavily implied.

“Regardless, she’s far too old to be concerning herself with something as trivial as a love match,” his mother scoffs and Maddie’s mouth tightens into a thin line.

His parents love to bring up that Maddie is in her late thirties and still single. As if the whole reason for that isn’t because the last person they set up her up with tried to kill her – a trauma from which she’s obviously still recovering. Buck’s not about to let it happen again, not on his watch.

“Do you understand what a match like this could do for our family?” Margaret continues. Buck’s never understood his parents’ obsession with titles and social climbing. He would’ve figured still being a viscount and viscountess would be enough for anyone when, y’know, no one gives a shit about the monarchy nowadays.

“Besides, lord knows the Diazes would be indebted to us for even agreeing to it,” Philip adds with a derisive snort.

“I’ve heard Prince Edmundo is very pleasant,” Maddie offers, clearly trying to placate Buck and possibly trying to convince herself also. She’s putting on a brave face but Buck knows she’s nervous after Doug. It’s been years but Maddie still jumps at shadows.

Buck rolls his eyes. He may never have met him before but Buck has heard the scandal surrounding Prince Edmundo. He fell in love with a commoner and tried to marry her but his parents refused the match. Then, four years ago, a child was left at the palace gates with a letter addressed to Prince Edmundo. Apparently before they were forced apart Edmundo had gotten her pregnant and she was no longer in a position to take care of the child. Within hours, the whole world knew.

The Diazes had hired an entire new security team after that.

Buck hasn’t heard much since but he does know the potential marriage King Ramon and Queen Helena had been arranging for Edmundo completely fell through with the reveal of the child and he hasn’t publicly dated anyone since.

So now they’re here: a proposed match between Maddie and Edmundo so Edmundo can ascend the throne in the fall like he’s supposed to.

“I still don’t like it,” Buck mutters.

“How about a compromise?” Maddie suggests then. “We have a trial period.

“I personally have no desire to get married to a stranger – I would, at least, like to know the man’s favourite food or his hobbies – so why don’t we see if Prince Edmundo would be agreeable to my coming to stay at the palace? Six months. A proper courtship. And, if anything untoward happens or I suspect something isn’t right, the union is ended.”

Their parents share a look, conversing only with their eyes and pinched mouths. Eventually their father looks back to them. “If the Diazes agree, then fine. But Maddie, you are running out of time. If Prince Edmundo doesn’t marry you then you can’t protest whoever else we choose. You’ve put it off long enough.”

Buck wants to protest but he knows this isn’t his fight. He’ll get his turn whenever they decide to turn his attention to him. He watches Maddie take a measured breath and is, once again, in awe of his sister’s ability to keep her composure. He can never do that. He always feels too much.

She looks their parents dead in the eye and nods. “I understand.”

“I’ll write to Helena then,” Margaret sighs.

“I don’t like it.”

Eddie just about refrains from rolling his eyes. He suspects the hand he has braced against his temple is just about the only thing preventing his parents from seeing the exasperation on his face.

“It sounds perfectly reasonable to me,” Eddie says and his mother clucks her tongue.

“Of course it does, Eddie. You’re just looking for a way to get out of this.”

“No, I’m not,” he exhales. He’s long since given up on trying to get out of this marriage. Any hope he had of marrying for love ended when his parents forced him to kick Shannon to the curb. Christopher arriving on his doorstep a few years ago left that hope buried six feet beneath the ground.

Truthfully, he doesn’t care anymore. His priority is Christopher now. He doesn’t need romantic love; all he needs is a political match with someone who will, at best, be decent to his son or, at worst, ignore Eddie and Christopher except for public appearances.

He understands Maddie’s reticence though.

“Maddie’s last fiancé tried to murder her, Mother,” Eddie points out. “She doesn’t know me. Of course she’d be hesitant to marry immediately.”

“Philip and Margaret never mentioned this when we were making the arrangements though,” his father cuts in and Eddie does roll his eyes this time.

“They probably hadn’t told her yet,” he says. “Really, I don’t mind.” If anything, six months in which his parents fixate on someone else besides him sounds like a dream come true.

His parents whisper to each other but Eddie doesn’t bother trying to listen in. Instead he glances out the window to where Chimney is training in their new security hire, Ravi. The kid looks fresh out of high school and like he spooks way too easily but Eddie still wishes he was out there with them. Or in the playroom with Carla and Christopher.

Or anywhere that isn’t here.

“Fine,” Helena says, snapping him back into reality. “We’ll allow it. But you are to be on your best behaviour, Eddie. Do you understand how difficult it was for us to find you a match after your indiscretions-“

“You mean my son?”

His mother huffs. “You know we love Christopher. But people talk and you must admit your actions with that woman were completely reckless. Just like always.”

Eddie ducks his head, fists clenching in frustration. “Mom, it’s been nearly ten years since I last even saw Shannon. I was a kid. I was stupid. But I’m not going to apologise for it. Not when it gave me my son.”

“Don’t speak to your mother like that,” Ramon commands but then he folds, just slightly, and rubs at his forehead. “This is a good thing, Edmundo. It’s almost time for you to ascend the throne. It is your turn to honour this family; try to see that.”

Eddie doesn’t think there’s a single word in the English language he hates more than honour. Rolling his shoulders, he lowers his gaze and nods in acquiescence.

Eddie spends the rest of the day preparing for the Buckleys’ arrival with Hen, taking the chance to duck away to his room when she gets a phone call. She scowls at him and flaps her hand in a gesture that clearly indicates she doesn’t want him to go anywhere but he pretends not to understand and gets out of reach before she can grab him.

She’s confirmed Maddie’s brother, Evan, will be coming with her as well as Maddie’s personal security guard, Athena Grant. Eddie wasn’t aware the children of viscounts needed their own security detail but he guesses for Maddie it might be an extra precaution.

He’s heard the story, of course. How she and her previous husband had beaten the odds. Arranged marriages were common in their world but one that was also a love match was all but unheard of for people like them.

But Maddie and her fiancé, Doug, had seemed like the real thing. Their lavish wedding had been the talk of royal enthusiasts everywhere – the only people who actually pay attention to high society weddings. Then, a little over a year ago, Maddie was brutally attacked and almost killed.

Her husband had been the culprit.

And if Eddie’s sources are to be believed, Doug had been beating her the entire time they were together. Honestly, Eddie’s surprised she even agreed to the match. Though, if her parents are anything like his own, he doubts she had any say in the matter.

It makes him feel only the tiniest bit better about his own situation.

Losing Shannon is a pain that still aches deep inside of him but at least he’d loved her and she’d loved him back. And if nothing else, she’d given him Christopher, the most precious gift of Eddie’s life.

With him and Maddie…well. He doesn’t think they’ll fall in love but maybe they can be friends. After all, isn’t that what marriage is? Companionship? Eddie’s had love now; he knows what it felt like. Once is more than enough for him. He can be grateful for that – it’s more than most people get in his line of work.

A knock at his open door rouses him from his reverie and he looks up to find his abuela standing at the threshold, a mischievous sort of smile on her face.

“Abuela,” he says warmly.

“I hear we have visitors coming?” she says, crossing into his room and coming to rest at the chaise longue near his writing desk.

“I’m pretty sure Mom’s arranging a car as we speak,” he says, flashing a fake smile.

Abuela hums, regarding him with an appraising look as if she’s trying to read everything he’s not saying in the set of his shoulders or the slant of his eyebrows. She’s always been far too perceptive when it comes to him.

“How are you really feeling, Eddito?” she asks. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Eddie hangs his head, letting out a weary sigh, before coming to sit beside her. “Do I have much of a choice?”

“You always have a choice,” she tuts. “Don’t let your parents make you think you don’t.”

“I always knew what my life would be. This isn’t some cruel twist of fate handed down by the universe. It’s my duty – to my family, to this kingdom.”

“And what about your duty to yourself?” she asks quietly and Eddie looks away.

He takes a moment to rally himself before he can manage to smile at her again. “I’ve gotten everything I want from life already. Christopher is enough. I don’t need anything else.”

Abuela watches him with something that could be pity on anyone else. From her, it’s just an overwhelming sense of empathy and love. She reaches out to pat his cheek and Eddie marvels – as he always does – at the way the casual affection he shares with her and his aunt never comes as easily with his parents.

“Protect yourself, Eddie,” she murmurs, a quiet request. “Please. For me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

He swallows, emotion he doesn’t expect clogging his throat. “You had an arranged marriage. So did Mom and Dad. I’ll be fine,” he promises, lifting a hand to cover Abuela’s with his own where it still rests on his cheek.

“I know,” she says, smiling in a way that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “And I was very happy with your abuelo. But you, mi ángel, have always dreamed of love. I want that for you.”

Tears burn behind his eyes but he blinks them away and forces a bright smile onto his face.

“I’m sure the Maddie will be a perfectly good match.”

It sounds like a lie even to himself.

Buck yanks at his tie for the sixth time since they got out of the car and Maddie slaps his hand away.

“Relax,” she mutters. “I feel like you’re more nervous than I am.”

He lets his hand drop with a sigh, shooting Athena a winning grin when she casts them both a sidelong glance. She rolls her eyes before turning back to talking to the Diaz chief of staff, Bobby Nash, as they make their way up the steps of the palace. Henrietta Wilson, who is Bobby’s second in command and evidently personally responsible for Prince Edmundo, keeps pace with him and Maddie.

“How are you feeling?” he asks under his breath and Maddie gives him an exasperated smile.

“I’m fine,” she insists, reaching out to latch onto his pinkie finger with her own and giving it a quick squeeze. “You don’t need to worry.”

“I can’t help it,” he mutters.

Up until now Buck has been able to pretend this is all some farcical plan or- or a vacation for him and Maddie! But now they’re here and they’re about to have a formal introduction with the royal family and it suddenly feels real. Maddie’s getting married. Courtship or not, that’s the end goal in all this and she’s not going to be able to say no unless Buck can find a legitimate reason why.

And maybe it’s not Prince Edmundo’s fault and maybe he’s just as helpless in all of this as Maddie is but Buck’s still ready to hate him on sight.

This whole thing feels wrong, out of place. Maddie shouldn’t have to get married again if she doesn’t want to. And she sure as hell shouldn’t have to marry someone just to satisfy their parents’ need for social climbing. It’s not fair. She’s been through enough and he can’t believe their parents are willing to put her through another potential trauma by forcing her into an arranged marriage.

Well, not if Buck has anything to say about it.

He’s older now than he was when she and Doug first met and he’s determined to do whatever it takes to protect her. He even convinced his parents to let him be Maddie and Prince Edmundo’s chaperone during their courtship. (Not in an official capacity but still.)

It’s not much but if it lets him keep Maddie’s safe, it’s worth it.

They reach the main entryway and Buck grinds to an abrupt halt, just stopping short of barrelling straight into Athena. She gives him a look like she knows that’s exactly what he was about to do and he ducks his head, chagrined.

Henrietta clears her throat, clearly attempting to bite back a smirk when Buck looks up at her. “Ready?”

She’s talking to Maddie but Buck still has to tamp down on the urge to say no.

“Of course,” Maddie breathes and the doors open.

One of the other staff members introduces them. Buck hears it just as they step inside.

“Presenting the honourable Madeleine Buckley and her brother, Evan Buckley.”

The royal family are waiting by the staircase for them, their expressions ranging from eager to cordial.

And well. Prince Edmundo is exceedingly handsome, he’ll give him that.

He’s tall, though not quite as tall as Buck, dressed in formal attire with his hair swept back off his face in a way that looks seemingly effortless – unlike the fifteen minutes Buck spends in front of the mirror in the morning trying to make his curls sit just right. His tanned skin and big brown eyes, coupled with the affable smile make him seem…

Charming. He is, quite frankly, the fairy-tale definition of a Prince Charming and Buck feels himself seethe with something that’s not quite jealousy but maybe somewhere adjacent to that.

Prince Edmundo steps forward and, for the first time, Buck notices the little boy behind him. That must be his son, Christopher. He’s got crutches under his arms to keep him steady and one of the Diaz’s staff stands beside him – a kindly looking woman that keeps her hand protectively on his shoulder.

“Miss Buckley,” Prince Edmundo greets, stepping forward to take Maddie’s hand. He presses a faint kiss to the back of it and Buck bites the inside of his cheek so hard he’s pretty sure he draws blood. “It’s an honour to meet you.”

“And you as well, your highness,” Maddie replies, offering up a curtsy and a careful smile. And if nothing else, Buck will admit the smile Prince Edmundo offers in response seems more sincere than Doug’s ever was.

He turns to Buck then, extending a hand to shake.

“Your highness,” Buck greets before Prince Edmundo gets a chance to, giving his hand a too-tight shake and finishing it off with a half-assed smile.

Prince Edmundo raises an eyebrow but decorum wins out above anything else. “Mr Buckley,” he returns, his own hand tightening for a moment around Buck’s. If Buck didn’t know any better he’d almost think he was amused.

Queen Helena interrupts then, gliding forward to take Maddie’s hand. “Madeleine. It’s so lovely to finally meet you.”

Maddie bows again, greeting the queen with a, “Your majesty,” that betrays none of the unease she might be feeling. One thing’s for sure, their parents trained her well.

“Welcome to our home,” King Ramon adds, coming to stand beside his wife and offering Maddie a greeting of his own.

They greet Buck and Athena next, completely pleasant and completely perfunctory. Their focus is on Maddie and that’s abundantly clear. Well, that’s fine with Buck. It’ll make it a hell of a lot easier for him to poke holes in this whole match if no one’s paying attention to him.

“We hope your journey was pleasant?” Helena says, eyebrows raised expectantly.

“It was very comfortable,” Maddie assures. “It was so generous of you to send a car.”

“It was our pleasure,” Helena says then and she looks like she means it. “Well, we’d love to stay and chat a bit more but I’m afraid the king and I have a very important meeting we must attend to.”

“The work never stops,” Ramon jokes. “Eddie will show you to your living quarters and we’ll see you at dinner tonight.”

With that, they take their leave and Buck lets out the breath he’s been holding this entire time.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Prince Edmundo does the same. But then he turns to them with a beatific smile and gestures to the staircase.

“You must be tired after your journey. I can show you to your rooms and give you some time to get settled?”

The car ride had only been a couple of hours but Buck’s not gonna complain. Standing on ceremony is exhausting.

“Thank you, Prince Edmundo,” Maddie says because Buck might’ve used up all his manners by now but she clearly hasn’t. “That’s very kind of you.”

For the first time, there’s something almost awkward in the prince’s demeanour. Buck doesn’t understand what it is until he says, “Please, call me Eddie. I don’t see any reason why we should have to stick to formalities if we’re going to be getting to know each other as we are over the next few months.”

Maddie’s shoulders drop where she stands beside him and Buck is begrudgingly impressed Prince Edmundo – Eddie – has managed to put his sister at ease.

“In that case, please call me Maddie,” she says. “I don’t need any titles. And Evan-“

“Goes by Buck,” he cuts in, flashing Eddie a closed-lip smile.

“Buck,” Eddie repeats, as if testing the name out.

Buck hates that he actually likes how it sounds coming from him.

“I’ll remember that,” Eddie says before glancing over his shoulder. “And um, if we’re still making introductions, I’d like you to meet our chaperone.”

He steps aside and Buck watches as the little boy takes three tentative steps forward to stand at his father’s side. Eddie immediately crouches down to his level once he does, wrapping a comforting arm around him and Buck hates his own traitorous heart for melting a little at the sight. “This is my son, Christopher.”

“Hi, Christopher,” Maddie says, voice warm and welcoming, as she holds out a hand for him to shake. She always was amazing with kids. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

Christopher takes her hand after a moment’s hesitation and stutters out a soft, “Miss Buckley,” that has Buck biting his lip so he can maintain his composure.

Why did Eddie have to have such a cute kid?

“You don’t have to call me that,” Maddie says with a chuckle. “You can just call me Maddie if you like.”

Christopher nods and lets go of her hand and then Maddie is reaching back for Buck. “This is my brother, Evan.”

Buck huffs at his given name but obediently steps forward, crouching down in the same manner Eddie had to get on Christopher’s level.

“My friends call me Buck,” he tells Christopher with a wink, offering him a hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Christopher.”

“Nice to meet you too, Buck,” Christopher says with a bashful smile as he fits his tiny hand in Buck’s to shake it.

Eddie clears his throat and there’s something inscrutable in his expression when Buck looks at him. “How about we show you to your room?”

#buddie #buddie fic #911 #my fics #meme thing #this is a little over half the first chapter #the intention was for this to be like 30k-ish

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dorkyteenagedirtbag-ks · 17 days ago

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Synopsis: Forced to face his past, Y/N prepares for Karasuno’s match against Shiratorizawa—where his ex-boyfriend and former best friend await. (PT2)

-> Pt1

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

It was time already… I walked as slowly as possible toward the van. The whole team was watching me, probably wondering how it was even possible to move this slow.

Daichi, growing tired of my sluggish pace, eventually gave me a gentle push to get me inside the van.

“I don’t get why you don’t want to go. They’re really good—it's going to be so much fun!” Hinata said cheerfully, completely unaware of my reasons.

Sugawara, however, knew. He glanced at me, a little worried, but said nothing. Maybe he was afraid of sounding insensitive.

After a while, we arrived. Daichi, probably fearing I’d walk slowly again, grabbed my arm and tugged me along so I’d walk at a decent pace.

Once we got inside the gym, he finally let go. Shiratorizawa was already there. And I saw them, the two people I wanted to avoid the most were there. My heart sank, and for a split second, I almost ran away. But I couldn’t let the team down.

Tendō made eye contact with me. Just before I could catch the smile forming on his lips, I turned my head away.

When the match began, I was on the bench. But when Hinata got tired, I was sent in to replace him. I could feel their eyes on me during the game, but I tried my best to ignore them.

Thankfully, we won. I was ready to run away and never see them again—but clearly, my karma had other plans. Because Tendō walked into the same bathroom as me.

I sighed, knowing a conversation was inevitable.

“Y/N… I didn’t think you’d be here,” he said, trying to act like things were normal—like he didn't do anything to me. But I wasn’t having it.

“Oh? Really? Why’s that? Because my boyfriend and my best friend—who both happen to be on this team—betrayed me?” I snapped, venom dripping from every word.

His eyes widened, probably realizing I was still angry at him. He looked lost for a second, thrown off by my hostility, but still tried to continue the conversation.

“That’s not what you think... I just didn’t know how to tell you. And it wasn’t like that between them...”

“Oh, really?” I crossed my arms, frowning.

“Maybe you could’ve tried saying something like, ‘Your boyfriend is cheating on you. Dump him.’ That would’ve been a good start. And what do you mean it wasn’t like that between them?”

“She was just someone his parents tried to set him up with. He didn’t want to go out with her, but his father forced him...”

“Are you serious right now? Forced him? How do you even force someone into cheating ? You two should join the drama club with all this acting. And if it's the truth, why didn’t he just tell me?”

“I swear it’s the truth! You know how his father is, he can be really persuasive… Besides, Ushijima dumped her after you quit the team.”

I let out a bitter laugh.

“Wow. How nice of him! Dumping his girlfriend after shattering my heart!” My voice was louder than I intended because of the anger I could no longer hold in.

Tendō fell silent, unsure of what to say next. And as if things couldn’t get worse, the bathroom door opened—and Ushijima walked in.

Perfect. Just my luck.

“And here he is! My karma must be really bad.”

They both stared at me. Tendō stayed quiet while Ushijima looked like he was struggling to find the right words. After a painfully long silence, he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

It was simmple, just like him.

“Wow. You’re sorry. And that's supposed to fix everything?” I was fuming. “You don’t get to break someone's heart and just walk back in saying you’re sorry.”

“I mean it. I’m really sorry. I should’ve told you everything back then…” Ushijima’s eyes looked softer, sadder, and I felt my anger dull just a little.

“You know what, I don’t care anymore. It’s already over,” I said quietly, my voice losing its edge. “You can be with whoever you want now…”

I tried to sound convincing. Of course I didn't love him anymore - or so I thought - but he used to be someone who meant so much to me.

“I don’t want anyone but you,” he said, his voice low. “She was a mistake forced on me.”

“You can’t have me anymore,” I whispered. “Maybe we just weren’t meant to be. Sometimes… it’s like that. And we have to accept it.”

And with that, I walked out of the restroom and headed back to the van, tears silently slipping down my cheeks. I knew I shouldn’t cry over him. But you can’t just erase someone who once meant the world to you. Pretending he never mattered would be a lie.

Leaving him behind hurt. But what else could I do?

- 𝐊𝐒

Anyways to the anon that asked I hope you liked it :) Actually it was supposed to be posted yesterday but I forgot lmao

#anime #os #oneshot #x male reader #x reader #angst #haikyuu #gay #haikyuu x reader #ushijima x reader #haikyuu ushijima #ushijima wakatoshi #tendou satori #haikyuu tendou #hq tendou #Ushijima x male reader #haikyuu x male reader

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ally1uvsu · 4 months ago

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Life was a willow, and it bent right to your wind. / Choi su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu.

⨉⠀⠀─⠀⠀Series .⠀›⠀Trans Namgyu Week 2025⠀‎ꪆৎ day 1; gentle sex/praise

·⠀warnings info⠀· NSFW — . wc; 8.7k (good luck)

summary; Thanos’ life was boring, etiquette, classes, politics, as the heir of the throne his routine was the same for almost twenty one years. Never once had he considered marriage until his father had the idea to set him up with the princess of a nearby kingdom for an alliance. But maybe it wasn’t so bad after all when he got to know her brother, that intrigued him more than anything.

info; Ooc Thanos (DEFO), Alternative Universe - Kingdom, he's slightly more depressed but still a druggie, But tbh I think thats how he acts when sober, Formal language used, But they all (young ones) know how to use improper language, Namgyu is Mi-na's adoptive brother, trans namgyu, Trans Male Character, Love at First Sight, Semi-Public Sex, Mina and Thanos r lowk besties, Eventual Smut, pure filth, Mina is the #1 thagyu shipper, Penis In Vagina Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Dirty Talk, It's sweet tho, Praise, Bottom Namgyu, Top Thanos, Love Bites, Smoking, Mentions of drugs, Sex on a treehouse while it rains, Missionary Position, Cunnilingus, Cum Eating, Creampie, Hair-pulling, Vaginal Fingering, slightly pathetic Thanos, but he's also way more pathetic during sex, Begging because we love pathetic men, Softdom Thanos, Thanos Is Whipped, They're both lowk soft in this, Thanos POV, This is probably more of a sober Thanos char study, But still filthy imo, Thanos has grey-blue eyes ide what y'all say, Gentle Sex, Scars, Unsafe Sex, They're so stupid bro they're going to get pregnant, Sober thagyu!!!

notes; I recommend you all listen to willow (by taylor swift) while reading this ngl, it’s a vibe 🙏🙏 but gen, I hope y’all like this cuz I poured my soul into it 😭😭 also this is a little series I posted on ao3 and decided to post here!! Feel free to check it either here or there, it’s the same nametag<3

Learn about politics, carry on with your duties, listen to your father and mother lecture you, worry about ruling a kingdom, learning proper etiquette.. that was all part of Thanos' day.

To be fair, he didn't care anymore. He was burnt out, practically dragging himself to his duties, the only reason he did so was because he was high most of the time.

It was no wonder the young Prince began acting like such a rebel. His parents were pissed, sure. But did Thanos care? No.

Hell, he became as rebellious as he could. Dying his hair purple, acting all quirky and showing/expressing how he felt out loud, smoking, drinking.. and not even going by su-bong anymore.

His family didn't have a choice, though. Being an only child meant Thanos one way or another would inherit the throne, he would become a king someday and would have to watch over his people.

With a queen. That, speaking of which, his father has been looking for insanely. Thanos didn't get the fuzz of it, he didn't want to get it, no, not at all. It wasn't that Thanos didn't like women, quite frankly, he liked both as long as they fit his standards that weren't that high either.

The poor man just didn't want to be added into another pile of troubles, moreover of marrying a woman he didn't even know for business. But Thanos didn't have a choice, even if he was destined for the throne, his father was still the king and made the choices.

So, his father did the most logical thing ever, arrange a royal dinner for him to meet up with his future wife.

This was boring, he thought as he walked past the numerous doors in the castle. Head casted low and jaw set in slight frustration, it was around afternoon. He had to get ready soon, but God help him, Thanos didn't have the slightest bit of motivation.

But either way, he still went inside his room where the servants waited. They dressed him in one of his finest suits, expensive pieces of clothing that albeit expensive and fancy were nothing short of unnecessary.

They fixed his hair, not in a way Thanos normally wore but in a more neat way, it shouldn't have bothered Thanos as much as it did but hell, he preferred the way he messily adjusted his hair better.

And finally, lastly, he sprayed on some expensive cologne. It was one of the smells he didn't find repugnant, most of the overly priced perfumes the royal palace was packed with gave him a huge headache. This one was his favorite one, neutral and yet perceptible. Not too sweet, not too bland.

The sun casted golden lights throughout the floor of his bedroom, and the servants slowly but surely retreated, Thanos didn't even had to ask twice. Growing up for twenty years in the same room and same place with the same people- well, the ones that didn't get fired, at least. Made most of the servants know Thanos liked to be alone at times like this.

Getting out of the fixation he had with his eyes locked to a point on the wall, Thanos began rummaging through one of his drawers, the drawer of the nightstand that was kept right next to his bed.

Pulling a string at the very bottom of the drawer, he lifted it to find a hidden counterpart where he mostly kept a few drugs he managed to sneak into the castle. But today, since he couldn't really get high, he reached for the cigarette pack instead.

Alongside that, he grabbed a lighter. Feeling the familiar weight of it right on his back pocket, maybe he could take a smoke before dinner, the smell of it would just be masked by the ungodly amount of alcohol they'd be serving for the banquet.

So, instead of staying in the balcony where his father or mother were more prone to find him, Thanos walked out of his room.

Step by step, his chest grew heavier. He didn't want to do this, his parents couldn't care less about how he felt, it had been like this ever since he turned sixteen.

His fingers itched, maybe to cut into the already scarred skin he grew to be familiar with overtime. But instead, he dug his nails into his palms, the familiar stinging sensation bringing a weird sense of comfort to his heart, that felt somewhat lighter.

He snuck through the back door, footsteps as light as he could manage to get them in these shoes. He was greeted by a warm breeze, and the sight of all the trees that were planted in the back of the castle, which led to a small clearing.

He hadn't gone there since.. fuck, since he was eighteen. He remembered exactly all too well how and why he never went there anymore.

"Hey! Come on, don't be a slowpoke." A familiar voice rang onto his ears, and then he remembered another girl running towards the same clearing. She was a peasant, daughter of one of the servants in the palace.

His feet were moving as fast as they could manage to, lungs hurting and heart thumping oh so loudly in his ears, Thanos once again felt like he was fifteen and hopelessly in love with the girl.

He giggled, and as they ran through the trees of the clearing behind the castle, they stumbled upon a treehouse. It was a little old, sure, but it could manage.

They made memories in there, year after year, every spring until towards the very end of summer, Thanos and her would be meeting in that same treehouse.

It became his safe space, one he never would expect to become such a hollow place in his heart.

And yet, it did.

One certain morning, Thanos was up and about the castle, looking for her. Nearing the entrance of the palace where she normally stayed to read, he froze as he found her and her mother departing from the palace, bags in hands. She looked over her shoulder, sadness and perhaps even sorrow etched into her features.

Thanos wanted to reach out, to run and grasp her, to make her stay, tell her everything he always wanted to tell her.

But a familiar pair of arms that always made him feel sick to his stomach held him back. 'I don't want a son of mines to be involved with someone out of royalty.' His father said, and ever since then, the little joy Thanos had in his life was just dull. Thanos never went back to that clearing that they claimed as theirs ever again.

Before he even realized, his feet were planted right outside of that same treehouse. Thanos let out a shaky breath, looking down at his feet as if he could still hear and imagine all too well their giggles of joy.

Before he could second guess himself, Thanos was climbing up the old ladder carefully. Situating himself nearby the door, leaning against it as he closed his eyes. A long sigh left him as his now half-lidded eyes looked inside the treehouse.

Thanos had no strength whatsoever to look inside, he'd feel more drained than ever if he did. So he decided to just take a smoke before the sun dipped below the horizon, knowing it would be time to leave for that godforsaken banquet when it did.

He reached for a single cigarette, fingers dabbing the edge of the lighter until it turned on, then, he placed the butt of the cigarette against the flame. Watching it catch fire, and then the lighter was back in his pocket.

He brought the cigarette to his mouth, head falling against the edge of the entrance of that treehouse. Taking a long drag, he could feel the smoke everywhere, soothing and relaxing his brain as he closed his eyes.

His fingers then reached for the stick, pulling it out of his lips as he puffed the smoke out.

He wished this was different, he thought. Maybe in another universe he'd be just another peasant, in another universe he wouldn't have to worry about the lives of people in a kingdom, and most importantly- he could love whoever the fuck he wanted.

Again, Thanos was lost in that loophole of thoughts. Only truly snapping out of it when he felt a burn against his skin, earning a hiss from him. He looked at the butt of the cigarette who had accidentally pressed itself against his skin, and then he noticed it left a little mark on his sleeve. Whatever.

He threw the cigarette somewhere inside the treehouse, deciding it was maybe time to go back inside.

He followed the same familiar way, purposely taking longer than he usually did. Basically dragging his feet as he walked towards the dining room.

He dreaded that place, he hated everyone in there. And he hated the girl that was possibly going to be his future wife.

His parents looked frantic as they finally spotted him, Thanos had to hold back a scowl. "— oh Jesus, where were you?! We were so worried you wouldn't show up, what even took you that long?" His mother said as she searched his face, Thanos only forced out a small smile.

"You made the right choice in coming, we all know that." His father said, voice in a low tone and authoritative as always. He looked at Thanos up and down, and then landed on the cigarette burn on his sleeve. His mother did the same, and she gasped.

"Su-bong! Were you smoking again? Aish, you know you have to be perfect! How will the lady take a liking to you like this?!" The woman said as she swatted on his sleeve, attempting to undo the harm caused to the fabric.

"Mom, it'll be fine— I.. I'll make sure to get along with her, okay?" Thanos shook his head, throat forming in a lump as he forced out a smile.

Surprisingly, his mom bought it. And he was met with her proud and bright smile as she beamed, exclaiming praises to him like her words many times were the exact opposite.

Their attention was dragged to the signals of the guards, a sign that the other family of royals had finally arrived. Thanos took a deep breath, controlling the urge to itch and scratch at his skin since he didn't have anything else.

A forced polite smile found its way to his lips as people began to flood inside the palace, face after face that Thanos didn't even bother memorizing, after all he was only here because of the princess he was supposed to marry.

And then, lastly, after so many unimportant people, came the princess and her family. Thanos caught the eye of a young man that intrigued him, wearing a navy suit and rushing past the doors not bothering with formality, maybe he was just forced to be here.

Thanos politely bowed before Mi-na, taking her hand and pressing her knuckles to his lips. She smiled at him, but between them, it all felt too fake. And despite only knowing each other for seconds, she seemed to know it, too.

"It is a pleasure to see you here, my lady." Thanos said as smoothly and gently as he could as he straightened up. "The pleasure is mines." She said with a returned smile, "Well, then shall we?" And with the nod of her head, Thanos took her arm and looped it around his, both of them walking in measured steps in their uncomfortable and unnecessary pieces of clothing towards the huge table where dinner would be served.

It doesn't take them that long to get there, given the sheer distance of the entrance to the dining room, and it leaves him room to fall back into his old habits of doing...well, nothing. He glances at the gardens outside the large windows, the darkness basically coating almost everything. Vividly recalling the smell of lilacs the beautiful royal guard posed. He looks at his feet and notices the lack of noise they make against the carpeted floors. He stares at the walls, taking note of the same patterns he's seen for basically his entire life.

And then, finally, big doors swing open to reveal the dining room. Loud chatter of people talking about politics or completely useful shit reach both of their ears, flowers mixing with each other every ten inches across the table in their assigned pots.

Everything was neatly set down, from plates, to the forks sitting there. This all feels way too overwhelming for Thanos, but he doesn't have the option to back down, not exactly- at least.

And then he hears his name being called, Mi-na's voice snapping him back to reality. Remembering he should be focused on Mi-na, his future wife all the time. "We should sit nearby our parents, shouldn't we?" The sweetness in her voice nearly intoxicated him, and Thanos had to control himself not to gag. "Sure, indeed we should."

And then Thanos was pulling the chair for her, once she was sat down and accommodated, he pushed the chair back against the table, not too far or too close. And finally, he sat down.

"Oh, don't they make a lovely pair?" A voice said before they even could get too awkward, it was Mi-na's mother. "Ah, thank you, your majesty. But I'm afraid nothing can beat how much of a beautiful couple you and your husband make. It is no wonder your daughter is just as beautiful as your union."

Thanos wasn't sure when he began to get polite or poetic, but frankly? He was just going with the flow, doing whatever he needed to be done, done.

"What a lovely young man you have raised, Soo-ah! Oh, I just know they'll get along so well. And not only that, it will be a huge benefit to both kingdoms!" Said Mi-na's mother, their fathers, on the other hand were too focused talking politics.

Dinner was served not too long after, everything looked delicious, many of them were eating as much as they could. Thanos, on the other hand couldn't seem to have an appetite. Every bite felt like a chunk of stale bread going down his throat, but he forced everything down, nobody could and should know.

The air felt far too suffocating, but lucky to him, Mi-na finally spoke up. "Mother, is it okay if me and Su-bong retreat somewhere.. quieter to chat? I'm afraid I can barely hear him."

Mi-na was sly, she knew her mom nor Thanos' mom or anyone really, was paying attention to if they had been talking or not. She was met with a permission to do so and a huge smile of her mother, as she tugged Thanos away by the arm, she could hear her excited but yet still calm and serene squeals of joy.

Stepping outside to the courtyard, both of them felt like they could finally breathe, that was much visible.

Mi-na barely knew the garden of this palace, but she still followed wherever her mind suggested her to go and ended up finding a small bench nearby a fountain, with the view to the window that gave them a look from the inside.

Thanos felt the silence grow awkward and suffocating, despite the new cold breeze hitting his face. Since Thanos didn't look like he was about to speak, Mi-na did first. "You don't look so pleased with this." It was stated almost matter of factly, was he seriously that easy to read?

Thanos only hummed in response, nevertheless. She could take it however she interpreted it. "Look, I'm not the happiest either, even if I look like it." Thanos' head perked up at that, brows furrowing. Normally, most girls would be dying to throw themselves in his arms.

As if sensing his confusion, Mi-na decided to just spill the beans. If she was truly destined to marry this man, the least she could do was tell him something very important about her, right? And if he didn't like it, well.. he'd have to get over it. "I'm a lesbian."

Thanos nearly choked on spit, eyes wide. And Mi-na burst out laughing, was it really THAT unbelievable?

"Wait- wait! You like girls?! Then why are you into the whole arranged marriage thing?" Thanos' mouth gaped open, he looked fucking stupid.

Mi-na, who was still recovering from her laughing fit, wiped invisible tears from the corner of her eyes as she smiled. "Fuck, you should have seen your face!" She said as she laughed just a bit more, recomposing herself. "I didn't have a choice, that's the thing. The economy in our kingdom is shit and we needed to join kingdoms with another to expand territory, which would be a benefit added to your kingdom, and then the economy part is better for us."

Mi-na explained, a mischievous smile finding its way into her lips. "Plus, there's one of the knights back home that I can't lie, she's nothing short of breathtaking." Mi-na had her eyes set on Se-mi, the aloof

Thanos thought he was doomed, but shit, a lesbian? Not that he had anything against them, Thanos himself knew he was bi, despite never trying anything with a dude. He just.. knew.

"And I thought I was the only one uncomfortable." Thanos snorted playfully, finally being able to properly breathe and use humor. "No, I swear to you, I was dreading coming here." Mi-na replied.

"Don't you have anyone, tho? Like, some sort of prohibited romance or anything?" Mi-na asked curiously, and Thanos stayed quiet.

Instead of holding her gaze, his eyes locked towards the window. Watching the blur of colors and people move inside, the chatter was still heard but not as loud. And then, his eyes locked into a young man- the same young man he saw enter the palace before.

For a second, Thanos was starstruck. His lips parted as he observed him up and down, his jaw nearly going slack. He was gorgeous, fuck, yes he was. His hair went down to the back of his skull, pin straight, with bangs tucked neatly behind his ears. His face was.. shit, his face was the most beautiful one Thanos had ever seen.

And when he finally caught a glimpse of his eyes, eyes that made him look almost like a cat, Thanos swore he forgot all about the girl he constantly was sad over.

But, he snapped out of it when Mi-na began snapping her fingers in front of his face. "Hello? Earth to Su-bong? Jeez, you made me talk all by myself, were you even listening?" She said a tad annoyedly.

"Who is he?" Thanos finally managed the words out, his mind snapped the perfect picture of the raven haired man, and he probably wouldn't be able to get it out anytime soon.

Mi-na looked shocked for a second, and then she began laughing ever harder. "You mean my brother? Pfft, do you even have a taste at all? He looks like a fucking wet rat!" Mi-na exclaimed between laughter, and Thanos despite knowing he shouldn't, felt the tip of his ears grow hot.

"Hey! Instead of judging me, can you at least tell me his name?" Thanos huffed, crossing his arms. "It's Nam-gyu, Roh Nam-gyu. The knights found him crying by his parents' body when he was a kid in a battlefield during war years ago, and we took him in. Hell, it's been eighteen excruciating years with him, we developed a sibling bond either way."

Now Thanos felt slightly guilty, he pitied himself sometimes even if it wasn't much- but Nam-gyu had lost his parents. "Oh, damn.." Thanos mumbled, and shook his head, not wanting to dampen the mood.

"You have a thing for him? I can set you guys up!" Mi-na said almost excited, practically formulating plans in her mind already.

"Hell yeah." Thanos blurted our, not expecting her to take it THAT seriously, but it wasn't like Thanos would mind being set up with him. "I'll do it! Don't worry, you're in good hands, oh my god finally that rat will have someone!" Mi-na squealed, clapping her hands excitedly.

And then, the sounds of footsteps faintly away were heard, and both of them were surprisingly quick to recompose themselves. "Your highnesses, my apologies for the interruption. But your parents, both of them, request the two of you inside."

One of the maids said quite gently, a gentle and warm smile gracing her old features as she retreated upon completing her mission, which was to deliver the message.

Thanos eyed Mi-na, who merely nodded as with a heavy and tired sigh, they looped their arms together and got ready to face the reality of the situation. She was a princess, he was a prince. No amount of acceptance over each other would ever change that fact.

They both sat down in their designed spots, Thanos assumed it wasn't that bad since the chatter decreased continuously. "My friends, thank you all for being present here today!.."

Thanos just zoned out, not caring if it was important or not.

He thought life was just boring, wake up, get dressed, eat, etiquette lessons, school lessons, read, read some more, get in dinner attire, eat with family, go to the golden cage that is his bedroom, fall asleep and repeat that again the next day and do that for almost 21 years.

Even if Mi-na got it, again, they'd still have to get married and accept their roles as king and queen of the nation.

With all his thoughts jumbling up into a mess in his head, Thanos focused on a point somewhere in the hallway. It was something out of habit he got whenever his father lectured him when he was too drunk, or when he started speaking crap. The royal family wasn't as kind and merciful as it seemed.

Even if he tuned out the sounds of his father speaking, his ears picked the faintest sounds of rain clattering against the windows, light at first, and then heavy. In his transfixed gaze, he managed to see a familiar silhouette wearing a navy blue suit sneak into the hallway and beginning to fast walk away.

Thanos recognized that as Nam-gyu.

He tapped Mi-na's thigh, and Mi-na got the hint. She pinched his thigh as a sign for him to go, and Thanos excused himself with a saying that it was an urgent matter.

While leaving, he managed to hear his father say that due to the weather conditions that were prone to only worsen, all of the guests would have a room in the palace to rest until it was safe to carry on to a trip back home.

Thanos however, was too focused on quietly trailing after the mysterious raven haired man that moved quietly but quickly through the oh so familiar halls of the castle.

Thanos couldn't exactly explain what attracted him so much to Nam-gyu rather than how fucking handsome he was. Nam-gyu looked rough on the surface, and yet easy to read- to cut through his story like a knife.

And yet, Thanos probably wouldn't know from the look on his face, judging by how stoic Nam-gyu looked albeit often using humor and sarcasm when talking to others.

But then again, Thanos would like to lose himself in that current of mysteries Nam-gyu looked like he was, like a mere cheap and priceless wine. The way Nam-gyu moved, how secretive he was.. it was as if he was begging for someone to follow him.

And Thanos would gladly do so, hell, his normally bland and hollow life was begging for Nam-gyu to take his hand and wreck all of the plans his father ever had planned for him.

After what felt like an eternity walking through the hallways full of paintings of unfamiliar faces and landscapes, he finally reached the back door. It was slightly ajar, did Nam-gyu know he was being followed? The thought made a slight pit of anxiety and excitement begin to grow in his stomach, a question, though, ran through his mind; what was Nam-gyu doing outside in the rain?

Before he could even second guess himself, he was stepping out. Feeling the raindrops fall and clatter against his clothing, wetting the fabric, his hair, his shoes.. basically everything.

And Nam-gyu was standing right in the entrance of the clearing, back to Thanos. How the hell could someone be so fast? Thanos wouldn't pry, his curiosity and desire to know Nam-gyu overpowered any of his side quest questions.

With slow, measured and tentative steps above the soil that slowly began to squelch under his expensive shoes, he finally reached Nam-gyu. Neither of them spoke, and for a second, Thanos began to believe it was a bad idea following after the other.

But Nam-gyu simply chuckled, turning his head to the side to meet Thanos' gaze. "You're not as quiet as you think you are, dude." Nam-gyu said, patting Thanos' gaze. "Aren't you supposed to be with Mi-na? I mean, you're getting married to her."

Thanos just shrugged, and began walking ahead. To his surprise, Nam-gyu followed. "I'm not fond of the idea to marrying her, don't get me wrong, she's cool. But one, she's a lesbian, and two, I don't think I'm ready." Thanos said briefly, following the path to the treehouse where they could privately talk rather than being listened to if they went back inside the palace.

"Oh, she told you? Damn, you must be pretty chill for her to tell you on the first day." Nam-gyu said without really questioning where they were going, he didn't mind how the rain was getting him all wet but he preferred to talk somewhere where they weren't getting soaked.

"Yeah.. she told me she's in love with some knight back to where you both live." Thanos said curtly but not totally humorless, not minding details as he began going up the ladder, and suddenly he was fucking glad that he had the roof and walls padded to keep the place intact ever since his old childhood crush left, they wouldn't get wet.. even if their clothes were nearly soaking due to the heavy rain.

Soon enough, both men were in a comfortable silence, sitting down on the floor of the old but familiar treehouse, at least to Thanos.

And then, he remembered. Reaching for the wood counter the treehouse contained, Thanos pulled out the cigarette pack and lighter he previously had left here before going down to dinner.

But he was no asshole, so of course, he offered one to Nam-gyu. "You want one?" He asked before lighting one stick up and holding it between his lips. "Hell yeah." The reply made Thanos grin, Nam-gyu was far more fun than Thanos called him out for in the beginning.

So, he lit another stick and handed it to Nam-gyu. Sitting next to him with his legs sprawled. The room fell into silence once again, the only sounds were the heavy rain clattering against the hard wood of the treehouse, the squelching of their shoes whenever one of them moved, and the soft puffs of the cigarettes.

"Isn't it too burdening? I mean, being the heir to the throne and all." Nam-gyu finally asked, and Thanos was taken aback. Nobody ever bothered to ask anything about that, not even if Thanos was fine. But he didn't lie, surprisingly he didn't feel the urge to do so. "It is, and honestly, if I could? I would get out of royalty. Be someone normal, I hate this formal shit and etiquette, I wish I could be more free, y'know?"

Thanos said quickly, basically rambling out what had been kept inside his chest for so long. He sighed, slumping his shoulders. Nam-gyu didn't seem to mind, not at all. Instead, the other man only patted his shoulder in an act of comfort.

"I'm sorry, man. It was never your choice, but hey, at least Mi-na isn't that bad despite calling me a wet rat." Nam-gyu let out a laugh that was half humorless half genuine. Matter of fact, he did look like he had a great sibling bond with Mi-na, just like she previously had mentioned.

Thanos looked to the side, meeting Nam-gyu's gaze. And once again, his lips parted upon staring into those eyes shaped almost like a cat's, Nam-gyu had the most beautiful black eyes Thanos ever has seen.

He didn't reply whatsoever, he was transfixed into those warm and dark orbs, and Nam-gyu stared back, right into his own grey eyes. It was involuntary how he looked down at Nam-gyu's lips and back to his eyes, and even more so when Nam-gyu did the same.

Thanos was fed up- deciding screw it, he couldn't be miserable forever, could he?

With the consent that Nam-gyu was on the same page as him, Thanos tilted his head to the side slightly and kissed him. It felt good, the blood rushed from his veins in a rapid pace and making his heart thump in his ears.

He felt teeth sink into his bottom lip, making him moan and open his mouth. Both of their tongues fought for dominance and yet danced in a beautiful symphony, and Thanos felt weirdly alive. His life was nothing but a willow, and it bent right into Nam-gyu's wind.

He felt hands, long fingers, dig into his scalp. His hands instinctively gripped Nam-gyu's hips, leaning forward slightly as they kept up their little make out session.

The cigarettes were long forgotten on the floor, already put out. That fire was out, but another was ignited within them both.

The lack of air made them separate, both chests heaved as their lungs worked to suck in as much as they could. Thanos stared at Nam-gyu, how his lips got all wet and red, and he didn't even give him time to breathe, he leaned in for another kiss. Kind of desperate, sloppy even. But the two of them were too comfortable to care.

Nam-gyu was the one to break the kiss, this time. Looking at Thanos in the eyes. "We shouldn't be doing this, you'll likely be engaged to my sister." Nam-gyu panted, and yet still gave Thanos a chaste kiss. They exchanged kisses between words, their actions in themselves were a whole contradiction. "She's a lesbian, and I want you. We both know this is for the greater good of both kingdoms." Thanos uttered back, and none of them touched the topic again as their lips clashed together, this time in a far more softer and romantic symphony.

Thanos traced his kisses downwards, kissing the corner of Nam-gyu's lips, his jaw, peppering gentle kisses there. And then finally, he connected them to Nam-gyu's neck. Thanos wasn't stupid to leave prominent marks, the marks he sucked on the other's neck was close to the juncture of his shoulders, descending to his collarbones as he unbuttoned his undershirt, all while Nam-gyu let out pants and moans here and there. Thanos found that to be the most beautiful sound ever.

His hands never really stayed still, either. One of them slid under the wet fabric of Nam-gyu's wet vest and undershirt, caressing the skin there gently. He pulled his lips back from Nam-gyu's collarbone to kiss the other again, it was something Thanos began growing fond of. Nam-gyu's lips were warm against his, so full of life and comforting.. it just felt right.

Thanos fingers' nimbly worked on Nam-gyu's vest and white undershirt, exposing inch by inch of wet skin caused by the rain, and yet, on the last button, Nam-gyu held his wrist. "Wait."

So Thanos waited, everything to make this as comfortable as he could for both of them if they really were going to do this. "You should know something, I'm not sure if you're okay with it but it's.. y'know, whatever." Nam-gyu didn't really know a better way to name it, so he just stuck to what he normally would say in awkward topics. Nam-gyu took a deep breath as the other watched, lips pursing and then finally, he let it out. "I don't.. have a thing, y'know? I'm transgender."

Thanos' mind was conflicted for a little, but can you blame him? He only grew up with the basic terms. Lesbian? Sure, two women who like each other, Gay? Two men who like each other. Bi? Liking both genders, but transgender?

Judging by how Nam-gyu said he didn't have a dick, though. Thanos guessed transgender people went by the opposite gender they were born as, and Thanos found that he didn't care. Which in return, made him realize he didn't want only Nam-gyu's body, because he didn't care however he looked. He just wondered how people in his kingdom accepted him, being the prince and all that.. it was likely he was already like this when he was found and nobody knew, but maybe he was open about it.

"Only Mi-na knows, she helps me when it's.. important days, but it's fine if you don't want to keep going, I get it—" Nam-gyu began again, looking a tad nervous to say so at least.

"I still want you." Thanos chimed in before Nam-gyu could get too nervous, and then he was unbuttoning the rest of Nam-gyu's wet undershirt. He swore he saw a huge look of surprise and maybe even joy cross Nam-gyu's face, it made him feel good. But he wouldn't press on it, too focused on the goal.

Nam-gyu was like a painting, the prince thought. Every piece of him was pure art, admiring and stripping him like this felt like observing an exquisite work of art. If Nam-gyu was one in a literal way, Thanos wouldn't mind wasting too much money on him. He would be one of the few far too overpriced stuff he'd buy in the blink of an eye.

Thanos saw scars, that's the first thing he noticed. He guessed these were from when he was younger, from the times in war. And then, he had two scars just below his chest. Thanos guessed he got it removed at some point, Nam-gyu always seemed to find a way to things, and that fascinated Thanos.

"You're so beautiful." Thanos uttered, thumb running over a few of the scars so gently he swore he could see goosebumps rise on Nam-gyu's skin. "Idiot, just get to the point, you're seriously making me throb." Nam-gyu hissed, sounding really more needy than annoyed or pissed.

"Someone's eager." Thanos teased, and yet didn't waste time to slip one of his hands down Nam-gyu's pants without really giving a warning, he chased Nam-gyu's lips, feeling the other being way more than hapy to comply.

His hand however, dipped inside Nam-gyu's boxers, and was surprised to find that Nam-gyu wasn't joking when he meant he needed it. He was practically dripping, hell, ‘I think I love you’ was the first thing passing Thanos' mind.

Two of his fingers found his clit, pressing down on it and rubbing slow, measured circles that were just enough to drag pleasured moans out of Nam-gyu, who was finally getting what he wanted.

The stimulation, albeit not much, was relieving. Considering how much he had been throbbing just from some sweet words.. Nam-gyu was fucking filthy for it but could you blame him? Not really.

"Shit.. yeah— like that." He said in a mix between a moan and a hiss between his gritted teeth, head throwing back in another moan that was muffled by the heavy rain outside when finally, he felt a finger dip inside of him. It took all of his possible willpower to not grind down against it, he never noticed initially how long Thanos' fingers actually were, but feeling it right now? Nam-gyu would think his fingers were enough to get him off perfectly.

Thanos slowly moved that finger in and out, swapping the same finger that had been on Nam-gyu's clit for his thumb, drawing moan per moan from the other. Once he was completely sure he was okay with just one finger, he slid another in. This time, he actually felt Nam-gyu clench around them, not being able to stop the string of moans falling from his lips.

"Shit, you're so wet— are you always this responsive?" Thanos was almost mesmerized by the man below him; and Nam-gyu relished in the attention. Feeling Thanos scissor him open while still genuinely fucking him in his fingers. "Not for many." Nam-gyu replied and Thanos' heart stuttered, a stupid grin finding its way to his lips.

Fueled by those words, he swapped from just prying him open to actually drawing out Nam-gyu's pleasure with his fingers solely. Driving his fingers up fast, and Nam-gyu nearly saw stars when Thanos was quick to find that certain spongy spot inside of him. If the rain wasn't enough to keep him quiet, the way Thanos began kissing him like he was starving for this would be more than enough.

The sounds of squelching every time his fingers move didn't go by unnoticed between their sessions of heated kisses, Thanos groaned against Nam-gyu's lips. Thanos was genuinely surprised on how wet Nam-gyu was and they barely had done anything much.

Thanos genuinely couldn't keep his mouth off of Nam-gyu, as soon as the kiss ended, his mouth was in one of his nipples. Tongue latching on it in a complete different pace from how his fingers moved, he was so transfixed he almost didn't get Nam-gyu's words. He mainly only got it because of how sweetly Nam-gyu moaned his name out, and Thanos swore he could faint. "Su-bong— oh, fuck! G-go faster, ah—"

"You're an angel." Thanos blurted out before he could stop himself, Nam-gyu seemed taken aback, but it didn't last long as Thanos indulged in his request. The pressure on his clit became harsher, constant, too. His fingers were fucking inside of him so well Nam-gyu couldn't stay fucking quiet. His eyes shut tight, thighs squirming and almost nearly clenching as he felt a warm coil in his core, bringing him closer and closer and closer until it snapped.

"Su-bong, oh- shit, oh my god!— I'm.." His words were like his state, messy. Messy as he threw his head back with moans he couldn't hold back, Thanos moaned against Nam-gyu's neck as he kept fucking his fingers into the other while he came, almost desperate to drag out any pleasure he could from him. Only truly slowing down to a stop when Nam-gyu was merely fluttering around his fingers.

Nam-gyu was panting, his stomach was full of butterflies and he felt alive. He whined as he felt Thanos slip his fingers out, he just had one of the best orgasms of his life but Nam-gyu was known for being a greedy man. He needed more. "Su-bong—" "I've got you."

Nam-gyu didn't even have time to express his needs, Thanos was already working on his pants and pulling them down alongside his boxers. The cold air hit his wet skin, but it was surprisingly warm despite the breeze making him slightly cold.

Thanos admired Nam-gyu like a fine piece of art, and Nam-gyu couldn't help but feel his ears flush. He wasn't used to this. "Asshole, stop looking at me with those eyes." But Nam-gyu enjoyed the attention.

"Well, what can I say? It's not everyday someone who looks like an angel is naked on my treehouse." Thanos said teasingly but he meant it. He really did. "Just fuck me." Nam-gyu whined, and if those words don't make Thanos groan, heat pulsating through him, then it's the way Nam-gyu's looking at him that does it. Eyes wet with unshed tears, face flushed and chest heaving, he's a vision, a plea written all over his face, and Thanos would be damned if he didn't indulge in what he wanted.

Thanos worked off his clothing that clung to his skin insistingly, every piece discarded somewhere on the floor, at least they could try to dry. Nam-gyu's lips parted, Thanos wasn't huge but hell, he was big. And he wanted him- no. He needed him, he probably would die (which is just him being dramatic) if he had to wait any longer when he swore he was so horny it was affecting the way he was thinking. "Come on, please."

"You're so impatient." Thanos said, almost amused. A shaky sigh leaving his lips as he stroked himself a few times before kneeling in front of Nam-gyu. His hands gently spread his thighs apart, to which the other complied. Gathering slick and Nam-gyu's release with the tip of his dick, Thanos had to really hold back to not cum just from the sight of Nam-gyu. He looked absolutely blissed out. "Su-bo—" Before Nam-gyu even had time to protest, Thanos slid the tip in, a moan leaving both of them at the sudden but not unwelcome sensation.

Thanos' hands held Nam-gyu's hips, grounding him down as he tried to genuinely have any sort of control over himself. The way Nam-gyu moaned and panted was doing absolutely no good for him, but he kept going nevertheless.

He began moving in slow, gentle thrusts. Not to move but to ease himself in, each inch sunken down to Nam-gyu's cunt just made him feel weirdly stuffed, so full, but full in a good way.

The air was filled with labored breathing and moans from both sides as Thanos kept sliding himself in, and then finally, he bottomed out.

Thanos felt like he could finally breathe, and if he thought he looked bad, hell, Nam-gyu looked completely out of it.

His eyes were screwed shut, his lips swollen from the making out session they had few minutes ago, hickeys bloomed on his neck where it was easy to hide. He was flushed, and he looked so fucking blissed out, genuinely happy, Thanos would say.

"Shit.. Su-bong, you're in so deep." Nam-gyu moaned, he could feel how his body naturally put the effort to accommodate around the other's dick, but either way, he felt stuffed. Not too much, not too little, he felt stuffed to the brim but yet not enough to push him over the breaking point. "I know, just breathe f'me okay? Relax." Thanos murmured, littering kisses over Nam-gyu's face. He felt corny, but honestly? It felt right, and whatever felt right and good, he'd do it.

"Please." Was all Nam-gyu ever needed to say to have Thanos moving.

He set for a slow pace, and yet it was also deep. Each drag of his cock along Nam-gyu's gummy walls felt heavenly, he could do this forever. Have Nam-gyu around him forever, shit, he'd probably go against his father if it meant having Nam-gyu like this, underneath him and blissed out anytime they both wanted.

Nam-gyu's head lolled back against the floor, not having anywhere to grab, he opted for Thanos's shoulders, gripping either sides in a strong grip to have some leverage for himself. "Please- please go faster, I'll lose my fucking mind—"

Nam-gyu was surprised as Thanos complied with his request quickly, maybe far too quickly but he couldn’t care less. He swore he felt his eyes rolling back, endless moans and pleas falling from his lips even if he wasn’t aware of what he was begging for.

“Look at you, taking it so well, hm?” Thanos said with that stupid grin on his face, but in reality, he was really just overwhelmed by the whole situation. In a good way, of course.

“You’re so desperate, how long has it even been for you?” Thanos said as he hooked one arm under Nam-gyu’s knee, throwing it over his shoulder and if Nam-gyu thought he couldn’t go any deeper, with how he was arranged right now Thanos actually managed to push further. Stars burst from behind his eyelids, nails scraping Thanos’ shoulders, “What would they think? The princess’ brother getting his needy pussy filled by the man his sister is supposed to marry, how do you think they’d react?”

Thanos whispered these words onto Nam-gyu’s ear, and he knew he wasn’t going overboard, not with how Nam-gyu clenched around him with every word. “I bet you’d like them to know, wouldn’t you?” Thanos said with a smirk, he wasn’t sure how he was managing to control himself so well, it took all of his willpower, really. The second he was in, he had to hold back to not cum right that instant.

Nam-gyu nodded, hell yes he’d like them to know. “Yes, yes—” He moaned, everything overwhelmed his senses, from how deep Thanos fucked into him, to how he felt close to another orgasm, to Thanos’ words.. it all made a heady cocktail in his brain that was nearly bordering too much.

“It’s okay, though. Because you look handsome during it.” Thanos uttered, leaving kisses all over Nam-gyu’s neck.

Nam-gyu wrapped his leg that wasn’t over Thanos’ shoulder around his hip, pulling him flush against himself. Nam-gyu felt as if he was being pounded into next week, but did he mind that? Not at all. He felt so close, just a little bit more and he’d cum— “Su-bong.. please, I wanna cum, please.” He whined, really the only sentence he managed to properly say since Thanos slid inside.

“Shh, I’ve got you.” Thanos mumbled, one of his hands reaching for Nam-gyu’s clit. Two of his fingers rubbing and circling it in the same pace, or almost the same pace, he fucked himself into Nam-gyu. “I’m close too, just hold on a bit, yeah?”

The air was filled with sounds of skin slapping against skin, it was nothing short of filthy. But nobody needed to know, right? Only the rain would know. “Look at you- shit!” Thanos groaned, Nam-gyu was pulsing constantly around his dick, his insides pulling him in as if his body never wants to let him go. “You look so handsome around my dick.. it’s a million or more worth of wons sight.” Thanos said through gritted teeth.

“Su-bong, fuck.. I’m gonna—” Nam-gyu moaned, barely handling how much he was near the edge, it was a huge overwhelming feeling that he didn’t know whether it was more painful or just pleasurable. “Shit, okay.. fuck, cum on my dick then, shit!”

And that was all Nam-gyu genuinely needed before he began gushing around Thanos, nails scraping hard against his shoulders and his back arching, it was all so good Nam-gyu would guess he was nearly floating. Thanos wasn’t any better, he was basically blabbering as his thrusts grew sloppy, hips stuttering as he fucked Nam-gyu throughout his whole orgasm. “In or out?”

Nam-gyu didn’t have much time to register or think, he just went with what his heart wanted, screw all logic. “In, please, just cum in me.” Nam-gyu said breathless.

Thanos wasn’t sure how he didn’t lose his mind at that plea, but his hands gripped the other’s hip and thigh where he had been steadying him so tight he would think it’d bruise, but none of that mattered.

He pulled back one last time, and then finally, as he buried himself as far as he could go, he came. Panting against Nam-gyu’s shoulder, letting go of his leg and just hugging his waist.

They stayed like that for a while, maybe minutes, maybe hours. It felt like a nice eternity, both of them were blissed out. The soft padding of the rain against the treehouse made the atmosphere feel serene and calm, and once their breaths regulated, Thanos straightened up slightly.

“That might have been the best fuck of my life.” Thanos said with a chuckle after sucking in a long breath, and it drew out a laugh from Nam-gyu along the way. “I can say the same, shit, I don’t think I’ll be walking straight for a few days.” The older man said with a playful scoff.

Thanos simply smiled, in that moment, he actually felt happy. He let out a contented sigh as he began pulling out, wincing and hearing a few gasps from the other beneath him as he did so.

Once he was fully out, Thanos was left to see the aftermath. And Nam-gyu looked gorgeous.

His skin was flushed, his previously neat hair was all mused and sticking to his sweaty forehead. He had marks on him, marks Thanos inflicted and nobody would know. His eyes were teary, his lips were red and wet, his cum dribbled out of him.

Thanos looked at Nam-gyu, who looked back at him, seemingly confused by the look on Thanos’ face, and then the other ducked his head between his legs, making Nam-gyu nearly yelp.

“Son of a bitch, I’m still sensitive-” Nam-gyu complained, and he was tired, too. “I’m just cleaning you up.” Thanos replied innocently, when in truth he just needed a taste of Nam-gyu, even if he’d taste himself in the process.

Without any further complaints, Thanos licked a stripe over Nam-gyu’s slit, feeling one of his hands tangle in his hair.

Thanos wouldn’t tease, and he’d also be as careful as he could to not overwhelm the other so much. Pressing a gentle kiss to his clit, Thanos finally slid his tongue in.

The taste wasn’t so bad, it was neutral. A little tangy, musky, but it wasn’t bad. Dedicating himself to cleaning Nam-gyu up, Thanos alternated between tongue fucking him to catching as much of their releases as he could.

Nam-gyu was moaning and panting above him, thighs tightening around Thanos’ head. Even if the intention was to just clean him up, it was inevitable how sensitive he felt, but it somehow still managed to feel good. It was as if Thanos had a way to make everything feel good.

Thanos on the other hand was just enjoying himself, finding this better than anything he did to relax. Even when he was sure he was done with his work, he latched onto that sensitive bundle of nerves, sucking on it gently and earning a whine from Nam-gyu. “It’s too much..” the other said as his thighs tightened around his head. “You can do one more for me, come on, handsome. I know you can.” Thanos’ words were muffled against Nam-gyu’s cunt but yet still audible.

Thanos didn’t do much, just really alternating between sucking and flattening his tongue against Nam-gyu’s clit, judging by how sensitive he knew he was, it wouldn’t take too long for him to cum.

Thanos rubbed one of Nam-gyu’s thighs gently, feeling them tighten around his head as Nam-gyu’s moans not only grew louder in volume but in pitch, and then he was finally coming again.

Thanos caught every single drop, or whatever he could catch, with his mouth. Busying himself as Nam-gyu tugged at his hair in an almost painful grip that Thanos didn’t mind at all.

Once his third and last orgasm subsided, Thanos leaned his head into one of Nam-gyu’s thigh. Watching how his chest heaved and his eyes struggled to stay open as he attempted to calm the shockwaves running throughout his body, Thanos simply smiled at the sight.

Once their eyes locked after a few seconds, Nam-gyu wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed or amused by the stupid expression on Thanos’ face. “You look dumb.” He snorted. “Wasn’t what you were saying when I was deep into you few seconds ago.” Thanos retorted, joining in. “..You’re playing dirty.”

Thanos simply laughed it off and straightened up, wiping the remaining glistening juices from his chin with the back of his hand as he lay next to Nam-gyu, one arm draped over his waist as they faced each other.

For a few minutes, they just stared at each other. Eyes filled with a feeling none of them could decipher, love? Longing? Passion? The two of them were too tired to decipher.

As the minutes ticked by, none of them spoke up until Nam-gyu remembered the others would probably be looking for them. “We should go back.” Nam-gyu mumbled. “We can go later, plus, nobody knows of this treehouse. We can just say we hid somewhere when it started raining.” Thanos said as he carded his fingers through Nam-gyu’s short black hair.

Maybe they couldn’t be together, perhaps his father wouldn’t allow it. But one thing was for sure, Nam-gyu was a price Thanos would cheat to win.

#124 x 230 #230 x 124 #choi su bong #nam gyu #player 124 #player 230 #squid game season 2 #thangyu #thagyu #thanos x nam gyu #smut #kang mi na #se mi #Se mi x mi na

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maraschinomerry · 1 year ago

Text

Meddling Git

Pairings: George Karim x gn!reader

Summary: When George connects with Arif's new shop assistant, Lockwood makes it his mission to make more opportunities for them to meet

Content: fluff, meddling Lockwood, insecurity about agent work, slight mention of blood

A/N: I'm back!! After an unintentional 7 month hiatus, I've finally been inspired to write again! I've also decided to switch from using (name) to y/n if anyone has any opinions on that. Thank you to everyone who shared anniversary/meet content for reminding me how much I love this fandom, and all my love to the multiverse of George chat for giving me so much inspiration and encouragement 💛

Word count: 4k exactly!

Taglist: @neewtmas @marinalor @ettadear @honey-with-tea @mischiefmanaged71 and also tagging @bobbys-not-that-small @bella-rose29 @oblivious-idiot @uku-lelevillain @lewkwoodnco

Lockwood, Lucy and George marched proudly towards Arif's. They'd completed another house call and been tipped generously by the owner, so Lockwood had promised to treat the team to breakfast. Of course, with the first rays of the morning only just beginning to peek through the clouds, there weren't any cafes open yet.

“I'll cook,” George offered, “as long as you buy the ingredients…”

“Of course.”

“...and those strawberry cream doughnuts.”

“Fine,” Lockwood rolled his eyes dramatically. Lucy grinned.

The bell above the door rang out lightly. Only agents would be around at this hour, and Lockwood & Co was the only agency who ever came to Arif's. In fact, their presence was so regular that the boy who worked the morning shift, Max, would greet them before they even came into view. Today, however, the shop remained silent.

“Morning, Max!” Lockwood called over a shelf when the quiet lasted a moment too long. “I don't suppose you have any of the strawb-” He hesitated as the group rounded the corner and finally came into view of the counter.

—

You frowned a little to yourself at the gentle chime of the bell. Surely there wouldn't be anybody about this early? Though you couldn't see the front door from behind the counter (a bit of a security flaw, you reckoned) there was a small window to your left which showed only the slightest hint of sunlight. Then again, Arif had mentioned a group of agents that would come by often. You weren't aware there was a local agency, but you were so new to both the area and the job that you didn't like to question it. The bell had been followed by overlapping footsteps and more than one hushed voice. Maybe this was them.

“Morning, Max!” one of the voices suddenly spoke up, a little deeper than you expected but unmistakably that of a boy and not a man. The footsteps drew closer. “I don't suppose you have any of the strawb-” At last the owner of the voice appeared from behind a shelf. The words stuttered to a stop, as did the movements of the tall boy in the black overcoat. Behind him, a girl in a blue jumper almost ran into him with the sudden pause.

“You're not Max,” she stated bluntly.

“No, I'm not.”

“Is he…?”

“Moved back to Cornwall with his parents,” you reassured her. You knew what it was like, wondering whether someone's absence meant the Problem had claimed another victim. “I'm y/n.”

“Well,” the boy cut back in with a charming smile, “morning, y/n. I'm Lockwood, this is Lucy, and George is around somewhere. As I was saying, do you happen to have any of those strawberry cream doughnuts?”

You returned his smile with one of your own as you fetched a square box from the chilled cabinet. “You're in luck, but I suppose you'll have to fight over who gets the fourth.”

“We won't,” another boy piped up from the far corner of the shop - George, you assumed. “If I'm making breakfast, I'm calling dibs.” Lucy giggled and you felt yourself suppressing one of your own.

“You'll have to forgive George, he's-” Lockwood began.

“No, no, he's got a point.”

“Finally, somebody gets it!” George's voice sounded triumphant, and much closer than before. After a beat, he arrived and you were able to put a face to the voice.

George was taller than Lucy but a little shorter than Lockwood, with dark curly hair and round glasses. Under his jacket was a vibrantly orange T-shirt, and in his arms he cradled a carton of eggs and a few different vegetables. He shuffled closer, attempting to place the produce on the counter without dropping the eggs but having trapped his hand in too awkward a position to keep a good hold of them.

“Let me,” you found yourself leaning over the counter, your fingers brushing the crook of his elbow as you rescued the carton and set it down gently. The boy blinked at you in surprise before quickly recovering and placing down the bulb of garlic he was holding. “What are you making?”

“Gojeh farangi, a sort of omelette.”

“Sounds good.” You handed him the ingredients, now bagged, and slid the box of doughnuts towards him as well. Lockwood stepped forwards with a handful of cash, and George shrunk back.

“It's been a pleasure meeting you, y/n,” Lockwood gave you another of those smiles. You got the sense he was the head of the team, the diplomat, the charisma. “No doubt we'll see you again.”

“Nice to meet you all too. I'll be here most mornings, in case you want to beat the regular crowd to the good doughnuts.” Without realising, you found yourself directing the latter part to the other boy, and you could have sworn you saw a flush tint his cheeks as he gave a slight smile and a nod of acknowledgement. What you didn't see was the glance exchanged by the other two.

—

The trio were back at Portland Row, the kitchen filled with the smell of fresh tomatoes and the glow of a job well done.

“Y/n seemed nice,” Lucy remarked as casually as possible.

“Mm,” Lockwood agreed into his cup of tea. “What did you think, George?”

They turned their attention quite unsubtly to their friend at the oven. He stayed with his back to them, and they couldn't be sure it was just because he was focused on breakfast, as he shrugged. “Suppose so. Didn't get much chance to judge.” He turned at last, not making eye contact as he slid two plates across the table.

“Ah well,” Lockwood continued after thanking George, who had turned away to collect his own plate, and he took the opportunity to throw Lucy a conspiratorial wink. “Plenty of time for that.”

Lucy almost choked on her mouthful.

The next day, George was halfway down the main stairs on the way to the training room when Lockwood poked his head out of his room. His hair was dishevelled, the collar of his shirt was wide open and his tie was hanging loosely around his neck.

“Ah, George! Do me a favour and run down to Arif's? We're out of detergent.”

“Why can't you go?”

“I've got that meeting with Mrs Pemberley to go over the details of the case and I'm running late as it is.”

“And Lucy-”

“Has gone to see Barnes.”

“Right.”

George held the door open for an elderly man just leaving the shop before slipping inside. He made his way to the detergent, stopping for a packet of chocolate digestives. Seeing you at the counter made him falter a little. You'd said you worked mornings, but it was almost lunchtime and he thought someone might have taken over by now.

“Oh, hello,” you greeted him cheerily. “Didn't hear you come in. George, right? Are your friends with you?”

“Just me,” George huffed. You picked up on the huff and wondered whether he was just having a bad day. From the small interaction you'd had yesterday, he seemed to get on well with his fellow agents and his annoyance was playfully exaggerated. Was it too soon to play along? You'd only met him yesterday. Then again, it was ordinary enough for shop workers to make conversation with the customers, and you wanted to at least try and make an effort at this new job.

“One of those days?” you prompted.

“Tell me about it.” The response was dry but not sarcastic, and you got the sense that he would have opened up more if he knew you better.

“Surely these will help,” you held up the biscuits as you passed them back to him, which earned you a slight smile. That was all you got, however, as he paid and walked away with only a muttered thanks. For some reason, you found yourself fishing for a way to make him stay and talk more. There weren't many people your age who came by while you were on shift (not many people at all, to be honest), as most of them worked the night shifts and barely went out and about until later in the afternoon. You just wanted someone, anyone, to talk to, and he was right there and getting further away by the second. Plus, you couldn't deny you were intrigued.

“Can I ask you something?” you blurted.

The boy turned, curiosity colouring his gaze. For a moment, you thought he'd still leave, but he came towards you and placed the detergent bottle back on the counter with a thud. You continued, “Which agency do you all work for? I noticed your rapiers yesterday, and Arif mentioned you being in the area, but I wasn't sure where."

George brightened. “We're Lockwood & Co, on Portland Row.”

—

A few more days passed, and the longer it went on the more George was unable to stop thinking about the new shop assistant. There was something about their question - most people didn't pay much notice to off-duty agents, much less care about which agency they were from. Sure, Arif had mentioned or warned them about Lockwood & Co, so perhaps it was just polite conversation, but they'd seemed genuinely invested in the answer. And with the shop opening in the early hours specifically for agents, it often took someone with Talent of their own to be brave enough to be out so early. Maybe…

His thoughts were interrupted by Lucy wandering into the study. She flopped into the armchair opposite, trying not to pay too much attention when George peered at her over the top of his book.

“Everything okay?” he asked. It wasn't often Lucy joined him for research.

“Lockwood's going to buy food so I thought I'd come and hang out with you. Don't mind me,” she shrugged. George took that rather literally, turning his attention back to the book on his lap. In the distance, they heard the front door open and close again, marking Lockwood's exit.

Lucy spoke again. “Oh, I almost forgot! He said we're out of cornflour but can he just use baking powder instead?”

George's eyes widened, and Lucy heard him mutter something particularly cutting as he dropped his book onto the arm of the chair and darted from the room. Moments later, the front door sounded again.

Lockwood turned in his stride and met George with a sharp grin, almost like he was expecting the other boy to come after him.

“I take it we do need cornflour, then?”

“You're such an idiot.” George fell into step beside him, and the two walked quietly for a while. George wondered whether it was worth going back to the house at all after this or whether to carry on to the Archives; it was early enough in the day that they might not be full yet. At least it would mean not being a part of whatever scheme his friend seemed to be cooking up.

—

You were greeted by Lockwood remarkably quickly after the bell alerted you to his presence, but he barely got a word in before you apologised, explaining that you hadn't meant to be rude when you first met, you just didn't know the agency to put his name to it.

“It was only when George explained-”

Almost as if you'd summoned him, the curly-haired boy stepped into view and gave you a small nod.

Lockwood's grinned, wider than before. “You didn't tell me you'd been chatting to y/n, mate.” He turned his attention back to you. “You must have quite the impact if you're getting more out of him than I am.”

A glowing warmth spread through your cheeks, and instinctively your eyes flew to George, whose expression reflected your own. The other boy glanced between you both with delight. “I suppose so,” you mumbled. “I was just curious because-”

“You have Talent.” It was George who had spoken, and he moved forward with his gaze levelled on yours. The words were spoken not as a question or a statement, more like a realisation. It struck you that behind the unassuming first impression the boy gave off was a quiet but brilliant intelligence for him to have figured you out so quickly. Very few people ever figured you out at all, especially not about your Talent.

“How did you know?”

George seemed to suddenly realise how close he'd come, practically leaning over the counter to study you; he pulled away and dragged his gaze to his shoes. “Educated guess.”

Lockwood, on the other hand, was having none of it, eyeing you up mischievously. “Don't be so modest,” he elbowed his friend in the ribs. You tried very hard not to fixate on the way the movement tightened his shirt across his chest and waist. “He's not our researcher for nothing, he's a genius.”

George sighed, but his head lifted with a burst of confidence. “I figured you must to feel safe working here before dawn, I just wasn't sure why you're not an agent. Oh, and the iron cross above the counter is new.”

There wasn't a single other person this week who'd noticed the cross you installed on your first day. This boy was really something.

“Wow,” you breathed subconsciously. George's cheeks reddened; this time he was definitely blushing. As for why you weren't an agent, what were you supposed to say? That you were less scared of the Visitors than you were of never finding your place within a team or worse, finding the right people but then losing them? How could you possibly explain that to him? So you didn't, and after a few more pleasantries Lockwood headed for the door. George threw you a backwards glance and a small wave, and the butterflies that had appeared in your stomach waved back.

Lockwood was positively beaming as they stepped out into the midday sun. Golden rays danced across his face, the air was mild, a soft breeze ruffled through his coat. It was all far too cheerful.

“What's got into you?” George frowned. “I haven't seen you this happy since we watched Kipps fall over his own rapier.”

“Am I not allowed to be happy?” Lockwood feigned outrage, clutching his chest. “And it's you that I'm happy for!”

George stopped. “What?”

“Come on, I've known you long enough to see there's something between you and y/n. Why don't you ask them out?”

“It's not like that! We've only spoken a couple of times, I don't know them well enough for anything like that.”

“If you say so…”

—

God, Lockwood was insufferable. He'd abandoned all subtlety, and it was driving George up the wall.

The smell of strong black coffee drifted up the stairs as George drifted down them. Lockwood had booked a big case for that night with absolutely no background information, so he'd spent the whole night on initial research. Hopefully caffeine would keep him awake long enough to get through the day.

Lucy was standing by the toaster, wielding a butter knife and humming to herself. George slumped into his usual chair with a groan.

“Coffee? Toast?” she offered.

“Please.”

“Sorry,” Lockwood appeared from the basement. “That's the last of the bread, you'll need to pick up more while you're out today.”

“You're joking,” George looked up. “There's still three slices in the bag there.” This was the third time this week he'd pulled something like this. The first was ‘accidentally’ stepping on an entire packet of biscuits. The second was announcing the milk was off, pouring it down the drain before anyone could check with enough force that it splashed back and went all over his trousers. And now this.

Lucy opened her mouth to respond, but Lockwood was faster. Before anyone could react, he pulled out the remaining slices, folded them all in half and took a massive bite. When he unfolded them, it left a gaping hole down the middle of all three slices, which he held up and peeked through triumphantly.

“You're ridiculous,” George scowled.

“ ‘m miwwian’” Lockwood mumbled around the wad of bread in his mouth.

George wanted to put his foot down. He didn't want to let Lockwood win. He knew he'd be so smug about it. But he also knew that every time he was sent to Arif's he stayed a little longer, talked a little more, watched you smile a little brighter. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he'd started looking forward to being sent out for things.

“Oh hey, Georgie!” Your face lit up when he entered the shop, and he smiled back. You weren't sure when you'd started calling him Georgie, he'd been here so often it was hard to tell which day was which any more. Not that you were complaining - he was easy to talk to, more interested in your Talent than anyone else had been, understanding when you'd finally explained your concerns about becoming an agent, and undeniably cute on top of all that. “What do you need today?”

“A boss who's not a meddling git,” he scowled dramatically, “...and milk.”

“I can only help with the second one,” you teased as you made your way out to the shop floor. Speaking to him from behind a counter felt so impersonal now, so you'd taken to wandering round the shop with him. You really hoped he didn't think you were overstepping or anything. As far as you knew, he thought of you as just the shop assistant, nothing more. You hoped it was more than that, could be more at least.

Another customer came and went, and George was still there, enraptured by your opinions on the Problem. He'd taken up a stance leaning against the shelves, one hand tucked into his pocket and looking the most relaxed you'd seen him since that first time he came into the shop. A light smile played across his face as he watched you hop onto the counter, not breaking your train of thought at all.

“I should get on before my shift finishes,” you sighed eventually. George immediately stepped forward and offered his hand to help you climb back down. His skin was warm and slightly calloused. You stumbled a little as you hit the ground and his other hand flew to your elbow, eyes scanning yours in concern.

“Thanks,” you murmured, painfully aware of how close you were. You'd put your hand out to steady yourself; it was clutching at the soft fabric of his orange plaid shirt. His eyes met yours once more and you both hastily pulled away.

“I'd better get back,” he cleared his throat.

“To the meddling git?”

He chuckled, a low sound which rumbled pleasantly in his chest. “Exactly. We're, um, we're out on another case tonight, but I'll see you soon, okay?”

“I hope so,” you replied, hoping he knew you didn't just mean because he made it back safely. “We'll have those doughnuts you like again tomorrow, if you're back in time.”

“I'll definitely be here for that,” he grinned.

—

It had been a hell of a night. The man who hired them had tried to bolster his ego by downplaying how intense the Visitors were. ‘A couple of Type 1s’ had turned out to be three particularly vicious Type 2s and it had taken until dawn to neutralise all the sources. The team emerged into the dewy morning covered in dust, rubble and, in George's case, blood. He'd taken a piece of debris to the face and, while it wasn't a serious injury, it had left him with a small cut which throbbed when he spoke. They were quite far from home too, and it was almost midday before they made it back to Portland Row.

George flopped onto a sofa in the living room as soon as they were through the door, while Lucy fetched the first aid kit. She sat down next to him, clicking open the case, and her face paled even more than it had with the exhaustion.

“We're out of antiseptic.”

“Lockwood,” George glared at his friend. He really wasn't in the mood.

“This isn't me this time! Look, you stay here and rest, I'll go and get more. Anything else we need?”

George pushed himself up to his feet. At least venting to you might make him feel better, and you had promised him doughnuts. “It's fine, I'll go.” Lockwood glanced at Lucy, taken aback by his insistence. He'd only been teasing George about going to see you, he never expected it to actually work.

“Please tell me you've still got those doughnuts, y/n,” George groaned as he pushed open the door to Arif's.

“Sorry,” came the reply from a voice distinctly unlike yours, as Arif glanced up from the shelf he was reorganising. “They took the last box at the end of their shift, maybe ten minutes ago.”

The last glimmer of hope that George had harboured fizzled out in his chest. Of course there was going to be no silver lining to the day. He was tired, he was hurt, and he didn't even get the doughnuts he'd been holding out for. Worse than that, though, he finally admitted to himself (and practically to his friends too) that he wanted to see you, that he liked you, and for what? Of course you weren't, you'd finished work and why on earth would you stick around just in case he showed up? It was unreasonable, he knew, but he couldn't help but feel disappointed. He'd have to wait until tomorrow, when he'd recovered a bit and could have a proper chat to you about everything. Ranting with Lockwood and Lucy was alright - they'd been there, they knew what he went through - but you were so gentle and understanding with him every time that he was desperate to hear your thoughts.

A figure on the steps of 35 Portland Row made George stop in his tracks. A new client, perhaps. Nothing unusual there.

The figure turned.

“Georgie?”

His face split into a grin the instant he recognised you. You'd changed out of your plain uniform into more casual clothes. The vibrant colours made you look almost radiant.

“Y/n, what are you doing here?”

You shuffled awkwardly on the step, suddenly aware of just how much of a risk you were about to take.

“When you didn't show up this morning… well, I was worried about you on the case. And I know I said I was scared of becoming an agent in case I made friends with my team and then lost them, but I realised I could just as easily lose you like this and I'd never get to really know…” George watched you in awe, silently gravitating closer with every breath. Your own breath was trembling, the sound of it echoing from your chest up to your ears. Finally, he was close enough that you noticed the stark red line on his cheek. “Oh my god, you're hurt.” Just imagining him in pain sent ice through your veins.

“I'm okay,” he assured you gently. “Just a scratch. I've just been to Arif's for antiseptic and…” he looked almost as nervous to speak as you, “I missed seeing you.”

You wanted to reach out to him, to take his hand or hug him close, but instead you held up the box you'd forgotten you were holding. “Me too. I brought those doughnuts just in case, figured you might need the extra one.”

His expression softened. “It's not an extra if you're here. I mean, if you want? You could come in and we can share them with the rest of the team.” Team. He gave you a look that showed he meant the implication behind it. You were one of them now, if you wanted to be. With a smile, you wound the fingers of your free hand into his and allowed him to lead you into the house.

#lockwood & co #george karim x reader #george karim #gn!reader #save lockwood and co #anthony lockwood

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wolfjackle-creates · 1 year ago

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Carry Your Heart: Danny's Arc Part 1

So I've collected all my snippets from the 1000 follower ask game (and added 800+ words). So enjoy the next part of Carry Your Heart!

Story Summary: Danny meets a ghost, Jason, in the Realms one day when cursing out Chaucer and Mr. Lancer both. Jason is determined to make him see the error of his ways.

And it turns out he can offer his help in more than just English.

They get closer and closer. Then they have their first kiss. Jason, still haunted by his own death, isn't willing to date Danny if he can't grow up by his side. He doesn't want to hold his boyfriend back or face their inevitable breakup when Danny gets too old for him. And he misses his family more than he can say.

He goes to seek out Desiree to make a wish.

First, Previous

Word Count: 2.6k

-----

Danny floated back and forth—pacing without legs—in front of the door to the examination room. Frostbite was in there with Jason. Other yetis rushed in and out, most able to spare him nothing more than a sympathetic look as they hurried off to get some medicine or another expert or a new device.

He just wanted to know.

What had happened to Jason? He’d been fine the last time they’d seen each other. It’d been perfect. Jason had enjoyed the date and even kissed him and he was supposed to be there again today. He just wanted his boyfriend.

He landed heavily on the floor, and buried his face in his knees, back pressed against the wall just waiting for someone, anyone, to tell him anything.

But it was hours more before Frostbite came out. And when he did, his face was grim.

“I’m sorry, great one. We cannot determine what has happened to your companion nor how to help him.”

Danny core stuttered, and he launched himself at the yeti, wrapping him in a hug. “No, you have to be able to do something. Please. He can’t—” His breath caught. He wouldn’t finish the sentence. Voicing it would make it true.

Frostbite hugged him back, his thick arms and fur made his hugs the most comforting ones Danny had ever felt. “We will, of course, continue to research Jason’s condition and try new treatments. However…”

Danny tensed and sniffed, trying to keep himself from succumbing to tears again. “However?”

“Jason is a fire core. The Far Frozen is not an appropriate environment for him while he is in such a delicate state. A few hours, even a day or so, every few weeks will not hurt and will allow us to try new therapies. But he will not thrive if he stays here longer than that.”

Danny lost the fight and cried into his mentor’s chest. Where else could he take Jason? Where would he be safe? What would happen if he brought him home and his parents found him? Would they even recognize what he was?

Before too long, though, Danny pulled away. “Will he be safe here for just a bit longer? I need to go home. See if, see if I can keep him safe.”

“Of course, Great One. We will watch over your friend for as long as you need us to. And we will prepare a heated chamber for him to rest in. But I urge you to return quickly.”

Danny nodded. “I will. Will he… Does he understand what’s going on? Can I say goodbye?”

Frostbite stepped back and placed a giant paw on Danny’s back. “We do not know what he may be aware of while he is in this state. But you are, of course, welcome to say your goodbyes. If he is aware, I am certain he will appreciate them.”

Frostbite led him into the room. Jason, appearing as a mostly blackened coal, his fire only barely visible deep in his core, was floating over a pedestal, three other yetis around him taking notes on tablets.

“The Great One wishes to speak to his suitor,” announced Frostbite when they entered. “Please give them some privacy.”

The yetis all murmured their agreements and filed out, each wishing luck and good health and condolences to Danny as they did.

“I shall be just outside. Take as long as you need.”

“Is there anything I should know? Will I hurt him if I touch him or anything?”

Frostbite shook his head. “Be gentle, of course, but there is little you can do by accident that will worsen his condition.” He patted Danny on the head, then followed his people out of the room.

For a minute, Danny was frozen. Jason was just a few feet away, but Danny couldn’t bring himself to move closer. He didn’t want to do this. Why did this have to happen now? When things were finally going well for him?

Danny sniffed again and floated forward. “Hey, Jay,” he started. “Um, Frostbite says that he and his yetis can’t figure out what happened or how to help you.” Danny’s voice cracked, but he kept going. “I’m… I’m gonna do what I can to help you. Find the people or medicine that can help.” He reached out a hand and gently brushed the edge of Jason’s core. “I just… I need to make sure I can keep you safe, first. I’m gonna, I’m gonna tell my parents. And if, when, they accept me, I’m gonna come back for you and bring you home.

“And then my parent’s can help find a cure for you, too. They’re brilliant, you know,” Danny choked back a sob. “With them and Frostbite working together? We’ll have you fixed up right away. So hang tight, okay? I’ll be back for you soon.” Danny leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Jason’s core. The surface was rough; after pulling away, he rubbed at his lips, half expecting to see soot on his gloves. But they were clean. With a sigh, he turned and left the room, only glancing back once when he got to the door.

“Great One, are you ready to depart?” asked Frostbite from the hall.

Danny peeled his eyes away from his boyfriend and nodded. “Yeah. I am. I’ll be back soon, though. I promised.”

“I have full faith in you. I wish you safe travels.”

Danny gave a half-smile. “Thanks. I just need to make sure I have a safe place to take him. Once I confirm that, I’ll be back to collect Jason.”

“I shall have sentries posted to watch for your return.”

With one last thanks, Danny left.

The trip to the portal seemed both endless and like it was over in no time. Rumors had spread from the mad dash he’d taken to the Far Frozen and no one bothered him on his return.

And then he was in front of the portal. With a deep breath, he turned invisible and crossed over. His parents weren’t in the lab. Good. That meant he had a few minutes. He could get Jazz, let Sam and Tucker know what had happened. Prepare for what was going to come next.

He transformed and made his way upstairs. No parents in the living room or kitchen.

“Jazz?” he called out.

Footsteps echoed from upstairs, then Jazz was hanging over the railing. “Danny! Welcome back. You were gone quite a while. Get up to trouble with your boyfriend?” she grinned at him.

Danny didn’t know what expression he made at her innocent question, but Jazz’s smile disappeared.

“What’s wrong?”

Danny opened his mouth, then closed it again. Where did he even start? He rubbed at his eyes and focused on just breathing. “Jay, he’s… Something happened, Jazz.”

Suddenly Jazz was in front of him and hugging him tight. “It’s okay, Danny. We’ll figure it out. What happened?”

He clutched at her shirt, just trying to keep from breaking down in tears again. “Jason, he… He’s in a coma, Jazz. Frostbite and his doctors can’t figure out what happened or how to fix him.”

Jazz ran her fingers through his hair. “Oh, Danny. I’m so sorry. I’m sure they’ll figure it out, though. They’re the experts.”

Danny shook his head. “They can’t keep him there. It’s the Far Frozen and Jason has a fire core. It’s not safe for him to be there when he’s so weak, Frostbite said.”

Jazz let out a steady breath and squeezed tighter. “What are you going to do?”

Danny pulled away. “Jason is trapped as just his core. I can’t leave him in the Far Frozen and there’s no one else I trust to be able to keep him safe. I have to keep him here, with me.”

Jazz bit her lip. “Danny…”

Danny held up his hand. “I know what you’re thinking. If mom and dad found a ghost core in my room or my backpack? No. I’m not going to risk Jason like that. So I have to tell them. Once they know, they’ll accept me. And I’ll convince them that Jason is harmless and it’ll be fine. It’ll be just fine.” Danny clutched his hands into fists and crossed his arms to hide the fact that he was shaking. His parents would accept him.

They had to.

Jazz stared at him for a long moment and Danny had no clue as to what she was thinking. But then she sighed and ran a hand through her own hair. “Okay. Okay, we’ll do this your way. It’ll be fine. You’re right. But we’re getting Sam and Tucker here first and we’re putting together a go-bag. We’re not going to need it. But we’ll have it.”

Danny forced a smile. “We’re not going to need it.”

“Now, text your friends. Mom and Dad will be home in an hour or two.”

Danny did as told. As soon as he hit send, his phone started vibrating with two incoming calls. He hesitated just a moment before answering as a three-way call. “Jason’s been hurt,” he said, interrupting their shouted questions. “He’s been forced into his core. Frostbite can’t figure out how to help him and since he’s a fire core, he can’t stay in the Far Frozen. I want to bring him back here and keep him safe with me—”

“But your parents,” finished Sam.

“Yeah.” Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “So I’m gonna tell them. Can you come?”

“Of course, dude!” exclaimed Tucker. “Almost out the door now. I’ll be there in ten.”

“It’ll be twenty for me,” said Sam. Then she hummed. “Maybe thirty. There’s some things I want to get, just in case.”

“Thanks, Sam, Tucker.”

“You should know by now,” said Tucker, “you don’t even have to ask with us.”

“Yeah, dummy, we’ve got your back. Be there soon as I can.”

Danny hung up and gave Jazz another shaky smile. “They’re on their way. Tucker will be here in ten, Sam might take a bit longer because she wants to grab some things.”

Jazz nodded. “Good. I’m going to start putting together your go-bag. Is your backpack in your room?”

Danny nodded and Jazz ran up the stairs. He followed her at a walk, trying to ignore the way his heart was beating hard in his chest or the way his knees felt like they were going to give out with every step. His parents loved him, they did.

It was going to be fine. He’d tell them, they’d hug him, and he’d go get Jason and come home.

When he got to his room, Jazz had dumped all his school books and binders and papers out of his backpack and was raiding the first aid kit under his bed to transfer as much of it as she could into the bag.

“There you are, get two large water bottles and all the breakfast bars from the pantry. And whatever other food you can find that is both high-calorie and easy to pack.”

He turned and walked back downstairs. Nothing felt real, he almost felt numb and he couldn’t muster up the urgency Jazz had as he sifted through the pantry and grabbed the water bottles.

That was how Tucker found him, staring at the pantry with a stack of snacks on the counter next to him.

“You doing okay?” he asked.

Danny just shrugged and pulled out a box of cereal. He tasted some; it was stale. He put it back.

Tucker pulled him into a hug. “Hey, there, Danny. It’s going to be okay. Frostbite will be able to help Jason, and we’ll be by your side as you talk to your parents.”

Danny hugged Tucker back, trying to just keep his breath steady and his hands from shaking. “Jazz is upstairs. We should go.”

“I’ll help you carry everything. And I’ve got some jerky to add to the pile, meat is the most important food group, after all!”

That finally caught his attention and he pulled away with a small smile. “I won’t need it, you know. Jazz is just being paranoid.”

Tucker frowned, but didn’t contradict him. “Then let’s go make her feel better.”

“Okay.”

“Also!” exclaimed Tucker. “I’ve got a new phone for you. This one uses ectoplasm to connect to my devices and from there, can connect to anyone else. It should work even in the Realms.”

That finally broke through some of the numbness surrounding Danny. He cracked a small, but sincere, smile. “You’ll have to explain to me how you managed that.”

Tucker laughed and immediately launched into his explanation as they brought the food back upstairs to join Jazz.

Jazz gave them a tight smile when they walked in. “Hey, Tucker. What did you get, Danny?”

“Like you said, all the protein and breakfast bars. Tuck’s got some jerky he can add to the pile.” And last, Danny dropped the box of cosmic brownies. “And I grabbed these, too. No one else will eat them.”

Jazz stared at the brownies for a long time, and Danny thought she was going to scold him for grabbing something frivolous. But she shook her head and packed them without comment. “Thanks, Tucker,” she said when she grabbed the bag of jerky next.

“Tucker made me a phone,” said Danny. “One that should work, even in the Realms. He was just telling me about it.”

This time, Jazz’s smile was much more genuine. “Really? How’s that work?”

“So, as I was telling Danny, the phone is connected to my computer through ectoplasm. It took a long time to figure out how to do it, but they will always be connected to each other now. Then, through my computer, it can connect to other computers or even the phone network. Gives it access to the internet and cell towers and your service will be as good as mine.”

Jazz shook her head. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Tucker blushed. “Uh, well. It’s really not a big deal.”

Jazz held up a hand. “No, it is a big deal. Thank you.”

Danny looked around his room, cataloging all his belongings. His skateboard leaned against the wall next to his bed. The model rockets on his bookshelf. Then his eyes landed on his old, beat-up copy of Canterbury Tales. He walked over as Jazz and Tucker continued to talk and took down the book.

He flipped it open and was faced with the comments Jason and he’d written in the margins. Jason, cheering on the Wife of Bath or scoffing at the Knight. Jason, using modern slang to improve the old-fashioned translation. Jason, doodling a little star when Danny finally got something on his own.

He blinked and a tear tracked down his face, then another. He wiped at his cheeks and closed the book. “Jazz,” he said as he sat next to them on the floor, “pack this, too.”

“Danny…” she started as she saw the book. But then she took in his expression and she sighed. “Of course. I managed to get two outfit changes in your bag, four pairs of boxers. A good amount of medical supplies. And all the food you brought up. We’ll get the book in there, too. Anything else you’ll need?”

Downstairs, the front door slammed and all three of them tensed.

“Just me!” shouted Sam, followed by the sound of her combat boots echoing on the stairs.

Jazz let out a relieved laugh and the rest of them relaxed.

“I got what I wanted to give you!” said Sam as she pushed her way into the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She tossed a wallet to Jazz who opened it and gasped.

“Sam, this is too much!”

Sam shrugged. “I’ve been saving it up. My parents won’t even notice, just had to stop by an ATM on the way here.” She flopped onto the ground and wrapped an arm around Danny’s shoulders. “So how are we gonna do this?”

-----

Let me know what you think!

I finally made a Subscription Post for this fic. So I'll tag one last time. Sorry if you requested to be tagged for an update 11 months ago and don't want them anymore. If you do still want notifications when I update, please check out the linked subscription post.

Tag List

@britcision, @echoednonny, @adorablechaos, @letoasai, @saphjack, @emergentpanda-blog, @jaybirdh, @i-always-say-yea, @666deaddash999, @simplykaren, @redrobinhoodrat, @apointlessbox, @joaniejustwokeup, @spidey29phangirl, @currant-owo, @sailor-goddess, @mynameiswilliamblake, @job-ross-the-second, @famdombrainrot, @aph-mable, @darkstarsapocalypse, @maomaocopycat, @lordfirecat2004, @melicmusicmagic, @kisatamao, @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit, @iconicanemone, @bianca-hooks123, @griffinthing, @idkmrpianoman, @the-c41n-instinct, @anxietyewizardsstuff, @michikoy-yuki, @plotwholls, @isnt-that-grape, @devilbunny612, @amyheart19, @spam-extemporal, @scarletsaphire

#dpxdc #dead on main #frostbite is doing his best #but they cannot figure out what happened to jason #danny finally gets the push he needs to tell his parents his secret #how will it turn out?#jazz sam and tucker are hoping for the best #preparing for the worst #they are with danny 100%#ride and die #carry your heart #wolf writes

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spacebaby1 · 1 year ago

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Hey, I would like to request Ace and the fem reader with the line "I'll always be waiting for you". It can be that the reader is hopelessly falling in love with Ace, and her family has the sort of things that they can only fall in love once in their lives and is going to spend the rest of her life loving that person only. I hope I'm not troubling you with this request. Thank you.

Absolutely no trouble sweetheart! Enjoy!

Back to you

(Ace D Portgas x Reader)

You met him when you both were as young as seventeen years old. You lived in a small island where it was not a place for pirates to attack so the village you lived in was pretty safe to say. However that changed when a notorious pirates attacked your island near your village and to your luck; you were near that village when they attacked however you managed to get away and run in the forest to hide away from the two pirates as they fought. You heard that there was another pirate ship; the white beard pirates as the villagers called them but you bad no idea who they were.

You kept running deep into the forest looking behind every now and then to make sure no one was following you only to run into someone and falling on them with a yelp. Immediately you started to slam your fist on whoever that was earning few "ouch" "hey" "ouuchh" from that person before he grabbed both your hands and flipped you over. Your fighting senses kicked in and you started to scream at him to not hurt you. "Shhhh, stop it!" He placed on of his hands on your mouth to stop you from screaming, "there are bad pirates here husshh before they find us!" He said and pulled you off the dirty ground hiding both of y'all behind a huge tree. Just then few pirates showed up holding fire torches.

"Are you sure the girl went this way?" One of them asked and your eyes widened. Ace pulled you closer to him. Shieldaig you with his left arm while ready to fight with his right arm shaking in fear; he was new to his powers. You tried to stop yourself from breathing too loud as they men looked around but left a few minutes later. None of you moved as Ace looked around to make sure they were gone letting go of you only to hear you scream because one of the pirates didn't leave. You grabbed Ace's wrist as the pirates tried to pull you to him.

Ace was quick to pull you towards him at the same time he lunched on the pirate with his fire fist, and he didn't stop until the pirate was passed out. You were shaking in fear when Ace turned around his fist burning in flame giving you an opportunity to look at his beautiful features, his expression softening when he saw you scared, "are you okay? Did he hurt you?" He asked you and you hugged him crying. "You're okay?" You nodded and then looked at him, "are you with the good pirates?" Your question made him smile wide, and oh you fell for him then and there, "Yes! We are here to help, come on let's get you somewhere safe, I'm Ace by the way." You followed him holding his hand, "Ace" you whispered his name and you liked it.

It wasn't long before the white beard pirates beat the other pirates and your villagers asked the white beard crew to stay for a while for a feast to which they agreed and you had told your parents how Ace saved your life. Your parents thanked him over and over which made him blush.

The feast was amazing and it lasted for a whole week! In that week you had grown closer to Ace and you followed each other around everywhere; you showed him the island and he told you about his brothers and his adventures making you excited to do the same and find your own adventures but you knew that you had started to like him more and more everyday, and you knew that you were allowed to love just one person and you wanted that to be Ace; he was kind, sweet and gentle towards you, and you knew he liked you too because he won't stop blushing and smiling when he was with you. You had fallen head over heels for the young pirate. You tried to convince yourself that it was just a crush because he "saved you" but you knew it was a lie when it was time for them to set sail and you felt your heart break and eyes filled with tears as you hugged each other, "I don't want you to go Ace, I'm gonna miss you so much" you cried in his chest and you've never cried like this before. He cried with you, "I'm gonna miss you more, sweetie. I wish I could take you with me but I don't want you in harms ways, I promise I will be back." You sniffle as you pulled back from the hug looking at him, he whipped your tears of your puffy cheeks, "Promise?" You whispered to which he smiled wide kissing you on the cheek, "promise on my life," he pulled out one of his handmade bracelets and placed them on your wrist, "so you'll remember me everytime you look at it. And the next time you see me, I'll be stronger for you. You won't forget me won't you?"

You shook your head, "I can't forget you Ace, I'll always be waiting for you, please come back to me? Ace, i lov-" he placed his palm on your lips, and shook his head, "Don't say it now, I might not leave and if I leave after you say those words I'll go crazy without you with me." He whispered looking at you with love poring from his gaze at you.

You smiled to which he nodded taking your hands in his and kissing them over and over, giving you one last (dozens) of kisses on your cheek he said his farewell and kept waving at each other until you couldn't see the ship anymore.

It been six years and everyday you would think about Ace and not a single day goes by with you waiting for him to come back, you never lost hope that he might come back one day; your family and some friends had told you to forget him and that he may never come back because he was a pirate and probably started his own family by now, and that thought made you cry to sleep some nights.

It was a usual morning for you when you woke up and did your everyday routine and headed into the town for your work at the small bookstore with Ace in the back of your mind as you worked and helped few customers to find the book they needed. It was getting later in day when you heard the bell while you were fixing few books on shelf, "Welcome, if you need help please call for me," you said not looking behind at who it was as you placed the books on shelf.

"I need help to find my girl," the voice sounded familiar as you turned around to reply when you gasped at that same familiar hat. That smile, that beautiful smile that you prayed to God to see again. Your eyes widened at his presence, "What? Did you forget me?" He said, then smiled wide. You screamed before running to jump in his arms; he was taller and much muscular whilst you were the same. You cried, hugging him, and he hugged you tight, "I missed you, sweetie!" He whispered, making you cry harder. He placed you on the floor and looked at you, "Look at you, you've become prettier than ever. I missed your pretty face so much you have no idea." He said as he hugged you again.

"Ace, you are here, oh Ace! I thought you forgot about me." He pulled away still holding your arms, "forget about you? I've been thinking about you everyday since I left, I've gone crazy without you and I had enough! I couldn't stay out there without you, you are important to me than being a pirate, I wanna be with you, if you'll have me."

You smiled wide, "Oh my Gosh, Ace! Yes, I wanna be yours in every lifetime, I lo-" you stopped which made his raise a brow, and smiled at you, "Say it please, I've been dying to hear you say it!" You chuckled as you felt your cheeks warm, "fine let's say it together?" He suggested to which you nodded.

He bent lower to become face to face with you and you both said it together, "I love you." You hid you face behind you both hands right after saying it and Ace laughed pulling your hands away, "noooo, let me look at your pretty face, let me! Please." You removed you hands off your face and it was his turn to say it now, "I love you, i love you, I love you, and I will always love you, dearly, madly and deeply, I will love you forever."

You smiled at "Ace, I love you, I love you please don't you ever leave me."

"I won't think of it, I'm here to stay, sweetie. Hmm can I ask you something?" You nodded as he rubbed the back of his head, "Canikhiishhissyou?"

"Huh?" You titled your head at his incoherent words and he blushed hard before saying it again, "can I kiss you?" You beamed and nodded un excitement, you've been waiting for this since he left. He gently kissed you and you felt like you were melting in his sweet kiss, you groaned in annoyance when he pulled away which made him chuckle and kiss you again and again until you both were laughing and blushing. He brushed his fingers over your lips, "you have the softest lips, I love you and your lips." You chuckled and jokingly hit his chest because he won't stop making you blush.

OMGGG I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS! LITERALLY KICKING MY FEET AND BLUSHING!!

#one peice #one piece headcanons #one piece imagine #angst #fluff #one piece ace #ace x reader #ace d portgas #ace one piece #portgas d ace #ace fluff #ace x y/n #ace x you #ace x reader fluff #ace d portgas x reader #ace d portgas x you #one piece #one piece fluff

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phantomwritezstuff077 · 2 months ago

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𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐁𝐄 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍

BILLY THE KID X FEM!HORSE TRAINER READER

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF ANIMAL ABUSE

Billy never thought he’d find himself in this situation, but here was, standing in the middle of a small round pen in Tunstall’s ranch with a terrified mare shying away from him whenever he even dared to take a step forward.

He had come across the mustang when he had gone into town on a supply run. He walked out of the general store with everything the gang needed when he witnessed a man cruelly beating the animal after she had collapsed. Billy’s parents had raised and taught him that animals were not property and that they were to be treated with love and respect, they had just as much of a right to live as man did. And it angered the outlaw to his core when he saw the terrified mare being treated so poorly.

And so, he did the only thing that came to mind. He bought the mare off of the guy, the man didn’t accept much for the mare, in his eyes the beast was far more trouble than she was worth. So he managed to buy her for $20. And after buying her, he learned the old owner hadn’t even bothered to name the animal, so he took it upon himself and named her Lady.

And that’s how he ended up here, a couple of weeks later and still desperately but patiently trying to gain Lady’s trust but it was just no use. Nothing was working.

“Any luck this time?,” Charlie asked, slowly walking over to the fence in hopes not startling the skittish mare. Billy turned around and sighed, shaking his head while he took his hat off and sauntered over to the fence, climbing over the wood before he perched himself on the top railing.

“She still won’t let me get any closer,” the outlaw admitted. “The damn bastard did a number on the old girl, I’m startin’ to believe the damage is too much.” His defeated tone didn’t go unnoticed by Charlie.

“Now hold on,” Charlie cut in, taking a seat next to the cowboy. “There’s a horse trainer in town, Tunstall has had her come in before, she works wonders. Maybe we can get her out here for some help?”

Billy nodded, listening to what Charlie was saying. It hadn’t crossed his mind to try get the help of a trainer, he had always managed to break in and train his horses on his own. But he knew that if he truly wanted to help Lady, he’d need more professional help.

“Where can I find her?,” Billy questioned, slowly slipping down from the fence to tack up his horse.

“She’s usually in her office by the floral store if she’s not workin’,” Charlie told him, watching as Billy trekked off to the barn to tack up his horse.

After a little while of riding, Billy finally managed to make it to the address Charlie had given to him. He dismounted his horse and loosely hitched them to the post before he made his way over to the open door, pausing for a moment before he stepped inside.

He took off his hat as he entered the slightly cooler building and he looked around before his eyes laid on an absolutely stunning woman sitting behind a desk — you. He didn’t know what he was expecting when he had walked in, but he hadn’t expected to see someone to beautiful.

Billy cleared his throat, watching you as you lifted your head and tilted it befote he spoke, “Excuse me, señorita. I hear you’re a horse trainer? Y/N’s Gentle Reins?”

You stared at him for a moment before softly smiling with a nod. You set your quill pen down, deciding that your paperwork could wait. “That’s me, can I help you?”

Billy felt himself sigh in relief, he was grateful he had found the right person and wasn’t disturbing someone in vein. He nodded, still holding his hat in his hands as he spoke, “Yes, ma’am. My name is William Bonney.” He paused. “I have a mare that I recently saved, and I haven’t had much luck gaining her trust or trainin’ her, my friend Charlie said you had helped train some of Tunstall’s horses before, so I thought I’d turn to you.”

You listened to the strange cowboy in front of you, nodding along to the information he had given you. Once the man had finished speaking, you stood up with a smile.

“I’d be more than happy to help you, Mr. Bonney,” you replied with a professional nod, standing up to walk around your desk. “We can start today if you’d like, I don’t have any clients this week.”

Billy felt his face light up, nodding eagerly. He was desperate to get Lady the help she needed. “That works for me. And just call me Billy, you don’t gotta be so formal, ma’am.”

You smiled with a nod, watching him with a tilted head. He was definitely an attractive man, but you could also tell he truly cared about his horse, which unfortunately was rare in a lot of your recent clients.

“Alright then, Billy,” you replied, nodding. “You don’t need to be so formal with me either, please, just call me Y/N.”

It wasn’t long until Billy was standing outside of the roundpen with Y/N, watching Lady nervously walk around the pen with pinned ears, her tail swished in distress as she continued to pace. The scars lining her slim body were nasty, they had healed but they’d never truly fade.

“I haven’t seen a case like this in years,” you admitted, you focused gaze never left the mare while Billy’s kept moving from you and then back to Lady, and then back to you again. You took a deep breath and opened your satchel, taking out a small tin of mints and opened the aged box before pouring the nice smelling candies into your hands.

“Try jumping into the round pen and gently toss one or two of these in her direction, then sit down and wait for her to eat them,” you explained as you gently took his hand and turned it over to put the mints in his palm. Billy felt himself shiver at the touch. “And once she eats them, quietly just give her some praise and toss some more, but slowly have them land closer to you.”

Billy nodded at the instructions, looking down at the small breath mints in his calloused hands. He averted his gaze back at you and then at Lady, who had now seemed to have stopped pacing and was now watching them with pricked ears and a nervous demeanour.

Billy slowly climbed over the wooden fence and did exactly as he was told. He gently tossed one mint towards Lady, and then a second one, making sure it landed a little bit closer to him than the first one before he sat down in the hard sand. He waited patiently, his blue eyes never leaving the timid mare. You also watched, silently hoping that this method would help with gaining trust.

Lady spooked slightly at the mints being tossed but she didn’t bolt, in fact the short lasting fear was replaced with curiosity. The red roan horse nickered as she sniffed the sweet treat on the ground, her nostrils flaring as air gently blew some dust around the treat away in a cloud, stepping forward before she took the candy in her mouth and chewed it. Lady lifted her head while she chewed, her head tilting whilst her jaw moved around, her teeth crushing the mint. It was like she was deciding whether or not she liked this mysterious thing she was eating.

And she did.

Her ears pricked when she swallowed it, whinnying softly and pawing the ground. She seemed to be overjoyed upon seeing another mint on the ground and she trotted over to it and it was gone in a flash. Billy felt himself smile, he hasn’t been able to get this close to Lady ever since he first got her. You also watched the scene with a grin, a sense of pride swelled in your chest once you realized your plan was working.

It didn’t take long until Lady was right by Billy, she had picked up on the fact that this cowboy was the keeper of the mints. Which meant maybe he wasn’t as mean as her old owner. He seemed nice.

Billy’s heart raced as his blue eyes met Lady’s curious brown ones before he looked back at you, who was now sitting on the fence and gave him a thumbs up.

“Keep going, cowboy,” you quietly called to him in order not to break any progress. “She’s expecting more mints.”

Billy smiled, he was absolutely beyond grateful for this. And his heart rate picked up a little bit more at your encouragement, he didn’t know what this feeling was, but that was something for later. He looked back at Lady and offered her a mint in his palm, it was the last one from the tin box.

The mare nickered again, blowing in his face which caused a few of his dark curls to fly upwards for a moment before she lowered her head and took the mint, chewing and swallowing it before she nudged his hand again, wanting more of what Billy no longer hand and it made him chuckle and slowly reach out his hand to stroke Lady’s face.

The old mare snorted and pinned her ears, flinching back a little bit. Billy immediately understood and pulled his hand back, if she wasn’t ready to be touched he wouldn’t push her.

“That’s quite some progress,” you said from behind him, causing him to jump a bit and he turned to see you. He hadn’t even realized you had decided to also jump into the pen and he quickly got to his feet and dusted off his hands and pants with a light chuckle.

“I’ve never been able to get this close until today,” Billy admitted feebly, taking off his hat again and handing you the empty breath mint tin. “Sorry, I used up all your mints.”

You chuckled and gently took the tin back, putting it into the satchel where it belonged before you ran a hand through your hair. “Don’t worry about it, Billy.”

There was a moment of awkward silence between the two of you, both just standing there awkwardly before Lady noticed the two of you and snorted, trotting over and playfully shoving Billy with her nose right towards you. Billy stumbled, almost knocking you over from how close he was now. Both of your faces were a bit too close now and after a long pause, most likely from shock before you smiled a bit and slowly stepped backwards with a small, awkward laugh as did Billy.

You both looked at Lady who seemed all too proud of herself. Even though there was a lot of progress to be done with her, she seemed to know something about the two of you that neither of you knew.

TAGS:

@slutforsnow

@lucygxybaird

@sincere1ystar

#billy the kid #billy the kid gif #billy the kid hc #billy the kid imagine #billy the kid x reader #william h bonney #billy mccarty #billy the kid 2022 #horses #equine #horse #cowboy #animal rescue

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melikedraw · 7 months ago

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Hey, can you do Hc for a relationship with Mitsuyo?? I don't see that much content about the freak, and I'm DESPERATE.

If you don't want is ok, no pressure<3

Kureishi Mitsuyo relationship headcanons

Kureshi x gn! Reader

Fluff, perhaps some ooc (I'm not familiar with his character at ALL but like fuck it we ball)

~~~~~

- before you start dating him, he would probably act normal, maybe even kind and gentle, towards you

- he just wants to make a good impression y'know?

- he is really good at it too, so you're pretty easily fooled into thinking he was simply a gorgeous sweetheart

- while you were indeed right about the gorgeous, sweetheart is far from what he should he described as

- that man is a MENACE

- after he knows that you won't leave him, he would start to show his true self

- not that it's bad or anything, in fact you find it quite attractive, but he can be such a PAIN

- he loves to tease you, especially if you give him a reaction to being messed with, be it a twitch of your eyebrow, to a full on grimace or snappy retorts

- finds it amusing and WILL laugh at your expense

- he would hate to accidentally make you cry, though

- unless you're a stuck up spoilt brat/princess type

- if so, watch your step because he WILL have you in tears by the end of the day

- NEVER talks shit about you to others though, makes you look real good to people around him, always talking about how lucky he is to have you

-you're his angel, people around him are probably sick of hearing him yap on about how much he wants you

- he gives amazing massages, and is just really good with his hands in general (wink wink) (get my drift)

- gives you free massages which he uses as an excuse to have his hands on your body

- he's pretty sadistic, so he'd probably press kinda hard on you (slight bruising at most, would not break anything/hurt you)

- loves the sounds you make, he finds them arousing especially if you're shy and try to muffle them with your hand or something, he shows no mercy, will push his luck just to make you scream

- really likes how you squirm under his touch

- he lets you braid his hair

- it's really easy since his hair is so straight and smooth

- won't take the braids out, keeps them until they unbraid themselves naturally

- he probably shows you off a lot, like bringing you along when he has training sessions with Cosmo (he's flexing his gf on a kid, yes) or when he meets up with his friends

- Cosmo has probably accidentally called you mom before, just saying

- you and kureishi love treating him like your kid, saying things like

"our son grows up so fast doesn't he, Mitsuyo?"

"Ms/Mr y/n, you've known me for a week at most-"

"hush child, I'm your parent now."

- (il)legally adopt him

- I don't think kureishi would actually want kids though

- I just don't get that vibe from him

~~~~~

I'll be completely honest I skipped a lot of chapters of kengan ashura/omega which he appeared in because I was just trying to find all the chapters with gaolang in em

I did reread it in the end but the point is I never really looked into him and don't know if this is in character or whatever (it better not be ooc or I will tweak tf out

#kureishi mitsuyo #kengan x reader #kengan x you #kengan x y/n #kenganverse #kengan ashura #kengan omega #kengan #kengan headcanons #kengan imagines

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bunnyinfoxclothing · 9 months ago

Note

Do you have anymore chaggie rants? Would love to hear em

You're in luck. It's 2 am again and I have awoken to more head cannons and ideas.

If I do more of these most will probably be about Vaggie, because I love my girl.

that being said:

Vaggie is a self fulfilling prophecy that Charlie simply won't let happen.

So for anyone who doesn't know. Self fulfilling prophecies, in psychology, refer to someone who has an expectation or belief that can influence their behaviors, thus causing the belief to come true.

Vaggie is someone with abandonment issues (Chaggie mental illness twins)

Charlie is someone who wants to never be alone, so holds tight onto whomever she can, and is extra forgiving in wanting them to stay. (I will expand on this if anyone wants)

Vaggie on the other hand, expects abandonment to be excruciatingly painful. It's not a logical thought nor is it even a conscious one. She just has a feeling that the moment she messes something up she will be left hurting.

That also means that anytime there is even the slightest fuck up, Vaggie will run away. She preemptively leaves to avoid that hurt.

But Bun that's not a self fulfilling prophecy

Gimme a sec i'm getting there.

Now Vaggie also doesn't have it in her to fully abandon Charlie. She has heard Charlie's fears of being alone, and can never do that to her.

That being said, this is where she starts treating Charlie like Charlie is going to abandon her.

Isolation

Reduced Physical Contact

One-sided Emotional Disconnect

Manipulation

Vaggie does anything to distance herself emotionally from the situation while still being there for Charlie.

If this is prior to being in a relationship it is spending more time in her own room. If it is post relationship it is just more time spent doing different things. Where they used to do chores together Vaggie will outright just start on something without telling Charlie, or work on something else entirely.

Vaggie isn't as touchy with Charlie, maybe not cuddling up to Charlie, but letting Charlie cuddle up to her. Only participating in physical closeness if Charlie initiates.

Being there for Charlie emotionally, but dealing with all of her emotional turmoil on her own.

Purposefully painting herself in the worst light possible at any given situation in an attempt to 'be honest' to Charlie about who she is. Hiding the good things because Charlie knows the good things, but pointing out every bad miss step she herself has taken since.

All of this is in an attempt to emotionally disconnect herself to what is coming and push Charlie towards the abandoning her, so she has control over when it happens.

And Charlie just doesn't let her.

Charlie isn't always 100% aware of when Vaggie goes into this self destructive behavior.

So sometimes it's just a moment of: Charlie feeling overly affectionate that it forces Vaggie to be unable to do one or a few of her isolation tactics.

And Charlie is just so proud of her for being honest, and their in hell so what more could she expect...

And so Vaggie just fails at distancing herself, so eventually when the guilt goes away Vaggie is just left still in Charlies arms like... huh?

And other times, Charlie is fully aware of the self destructing train wreak that is coming.

So she talks Vaggie through it. She provides ample times for Vaggie to comfort her. Gives Vaggie every once of praise every time Vaggie does something for her, just so in Vaggie's tally, the positive things she has done far outweigh any bad Vaggie can come up with.

Charlie turns up the charm, to wear down Vaggie's walls and force her to ask for cuddles. Then cuddles Vaggie until she's squirming out of Charlie's arms.

Charlie casually gentle parenting Vaggie's manipulation tactics like:

Well, yeah sure you could say that you placing your spear by the door was a tripping hazard, but if you think about it, it was very kind of you to leave your spear by the door so we can have a more comfortable cuddle time. And while it wasn't nice for me to trip on it, and it could have been very dangerous for any of our guests to trip on it, we have seen in the past that a lot of dangerous people come to the hotel, so thank you for looking out for us. How about next time we find a safer place to put your spear, so that it is still near the door, but out of the way. Does that sound good? Perfect.

And Vaggie is forced to be like. Oh, yeah, my actions are easily fixable. Why was I so stressed before?

#hazbin hotel #vaggie #vaggie x charlie #hazbin vaggie #chaggie #charlie morningstar #hazbin hotel fanfiction #charlie x vaggie #hazbin headcanons #vaggie headcanons #i love doing this #please give me more asks

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bvidzsoo · 2 years ago

Text

Irrevocable Love

Author: bvidzsoo

Warnings: swearing, mentions of human trafficking, slight sexism and misogyny, blood

Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female reader

Word count: 28,6k

Summary: Jeong Yunho was always protective of what was his. After his mother's death he stopped living a happy life, his father an alcoholic, his best friend was his only hope. The two of you had grown up together and you couldn't imagine living your life without Yunho, so when he tried to sneak onto the Pirate ship and leave without you, you were beyond hurt. Yunho only wanted to protect you, but he wasn't going anywhere without you. And so, the two of you joined Ateez on their adventures, starting your own love story at the same time. (Reader is called Bae Taeri in the following oneshots.)

A/N: Y'all, this one is a beast of a oneshot, lol. It's really long but I say it's worth it. Yunho's part is one of my favorites, so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I had fun writing it. I strongly advise you read the previous parts (especially Jongho, Seonghwa, and San's) since there are many refrences from them (again, especially from San's). If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know, we have three more oneshots left *whew*. And share your thoughts! Enjoy now!

Taglist: @pingyu-in-wonderland @marievllr-abg @lelaleleb @loveforred @horanghae8 @jeonghanscarat7 @orshii @mundayoonimnida @m3tavita @silentcry329 @icarusignite

Series Masterlist ↭ Previous Part

10 years ago

Our poor seaside village had always been overlooked by everyone. Nobody ever came here, nobody ever brought anything here to help our living situation. So, that forced us to fend for ourselves, to find ways to survive. Families who were a little bit luckier had a small garden where they could cultivate various vegetables and fruits, and to everyone else’s luck, they were generous enough to hand some out to the rest of the village. Most of us, however, were forced to go out on the sea and fish, which wasn’t always the easiest as the sea wasn’t always serene and gentle to the sailors. Everyone seemed to struggle, but you never heard anyone vocalize their struggles, always sucking it up and greeting the day with a smile on their faces, always so nice to their neighbours and people at the market. Nobody wanted their neighbour to know that they haven’t eaten in two days despite the other person being in the same situation, it was shameful. And so, it didn’t come as a surprise that Yunho never said anything about his own struggles at home. Despite being friends for six years now, we’ve never discussed anything that went down at home between our parents or the hardships we had to face daily. If one of us had even a little bit in plus to share, it could be anything, we’d bring it with ourselves when we met up and shared it, as good friends do.

After Yunho’s mother’s death he rarely had anything to bring with himself, his mother used to make very delicious pastry, but I never complained. I understood. Yunho and his father were struggling, it was very clear. His father was a blacksmith and their business hadn’t been doing well for the past two years now, it was his mother’s bakery which brought most of their money to the house and with her gone…I couldn’t help but worry for my best friend’s fate. He was becoming thinner and thinner as days went by, his eyes lacking the light he previously always had in them, and the bags under his eyes were darker than ever. It didn’t take long to figure out that he was struggling, but I knew by now, that trying to pry it out of him did nothing. It only made him close off even more, so I stayed silent. I allowed him space and time; he'd come to me when he felt ready. And, so, it came as a big surprise when I found him sneaking by my house one night, close to midnight. He had a black cloth thrown over his head, as if to hide his identity, and my eyebrows furrowed as I watched him through the window of my room. His steps were hurried and his tall frame was slightly hunched, as if to hide his height, and he kept glancing over his shoulder. Was he running from someone? Did he do something forbidden? My head spun with endless possibilities as I quickly grabbed my wool coat and threw it over my frame clumsily, eyes still on Yunho as he got further and further away from my house. He lived just up the hill, a five-minute trek away from my own house. I’ve known him my whole life. He said nothing about going somewhere tonight, so seeing him acting like that gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach. Something didn’t feel right about his demeanour, and I quickly left the house freely, not having to sneak out tonight. Three days ago, a pirate ship decked down, and since our town was quite generous with them, they paid us back with gold and many coins. Four days in a row now, they’ve been drinking away their money at the run-down pub by the old mill, all grown-ups gathering there, men and women alike. Children weren’t allowed to enter the pub, my parents forbidding myself from doing so as well, but that meant we were free to do whatever, while they drank away the night. The wind was harsher tonight as I ran down the hill, trying to catch up with Yunho, who was almost at the end of the dark street, pace quickening as he noticed me, seemingly refusing to wait for me. I wanted to cry out, but couldn’t risk someone catching us, we were supposed to be inside our homes, sleeping. Yunho was headed to the beach, towards the little gulf where the pirates had decked down. My breathing came out in ragged puffs as I sprinted towards him, the sand making it harder to keep a steady rhythm. I had grown up here, yet I never learned to enjoy the sand.

“Yunho!” I called out quietly, the wind carrying my voice over the little waves as I was getting closer to my best friend. He stopped looking over his shoulder, yet seemed to be ignoring me as I called out his name again. I knew he could hear me, so why was he ignoring me? My feet sunk deep into the sand as I tried keeping my curly hair out of my eyes, but the wind was strong down here at the beach, and it left me huffing and puffing as I watched Yunho’s body fall to the ground. I yelped and forgot about how much I hated the sand, sprinting towards him, finally reaching his side. But as I tried to help him up, he yanked his arm out of my hold, standing up on his own, head whipping around. I stared at my best friend wide eyed, confused by his reaction. It was just me, why was he acting like that?

“Yunho—”

“What are you doing here?!” His voice was snappy and I stepped back in shock; he has never spoken to me like that before. His eyes were hard and his eyebrows pulled into a frown. What was happening?

“I’m—I—” I stuttered as Yunho glared at me; his demeanour scary. I’ve never seen him like this, he’s never acted like this towards me, “I saw you through my window and I followed you—”

“You should’ve stayed at home.” Yunho snapped and then turned around, taking off again. His long strides made it hard for me to keep up with him and I kept stumbling forward as my legs tangled together due to the sand, eyes trying to fall on his face, but Yunho kept his head turned away from me.

“You should be at home too—” I huffed, still trying to figure out what the issue at hand was, “What are you even doing out here, Yunho?”

My voice raised and I gripped his wrist tightly, hauling him back, and he hissed, suddenly all up in my face. My heart was hammering as I looked up at my best friend, despite being fifteen, he was already a head taller than me. My hands trembled as he was breathing hard, but I refused to let go of him, I refused to cover under his intimidating gaze. He was always smiling, he was always happy, there was always a glint in his eyes. He always made jokes, and he’d tickle me when I was sad or ignoring him. Yunho was warm and the nicest person I have ever met. He is understanding and considerate. But I could find none of those qualities in the boy standing in front of me, glaring down at me.

“Go back home, Y/N.” He snapped, eyebrows furrowing more as I shook my head, biting my lower lip nervously, “Y/N, go back home.”

Each one of his words was emphasized, but I just shook my head again, breath stuttering when he suddenly shouted, “Go home!”

I wasn’t scared of him; I could never be. I was just confused. I started trembling as I shook my head vigorously, biting my lower lip, Yunho’s starting to tremble the longer I defied his wish.

“Y/N, please—” His voice slightly broke and my eyes widened when I noticed the tears in his eyes, “go back home, I can’t—I can’t leave if you’re here—”

“Leave?!” My voice sounded panicked as my heartbeat picked up again as I gripped his other wrist as well, scared he’d run away again. Yunho nodded, averting his eyes as I yanked on his wrists, pulling him almost into myself, “What are you saying?”

“I—” He gulped as he still avoided eye contact, voice barely a whisper, “I’m leaving with the pirates.”

The crash of the waves against the shore filled the void silence engulfing us, the stars shinning down us brightly, darkness around no matter where you looked. Yunho’s eyes shone as the first tears fell, head fallen forward as he let it rest against the top of my own head, shattering my heart into a million of pieces. Yunho wanted to leave. He wanted to leave me alone. He planned to live a life without me. I couldn’t live without him.

“You’re not going anywhere.” My lips trembled as I managed to say out loud those words, my own tears falling, “You won’t leave me here. Alone.”

“I have to.” Yunho sniffed and suddenly he flipped his hands, grabbing mine as I was still holding onto his wrists, “I have decided, Y/N. I must go—”

“No!” I screamed, raising my head and making Yunho take a step back, eyes wide as he gazed at me surprised, “You can’t leave me here! Do you understand that?! I can’t live without you!”

“Y/N,” He seemed to be in pain as he sniffed again, cupping my cheek with one hand, but I slapped it away, gazing at him with fury, “I promise to visit. I will come back every now and then.”

“You mean to say you’ll come back in ten years?” I snapped, voice hardening as I glared at him, “When I might not even be here? When I might be dead?! You mean to say I will have to live the rest of my life without you? Without knowing whether you’re still alive or not? Whether you’ll ever return to me? Whether you still—still remember me?!”

“How could I forget you?” Yunho’s voice was high pitched as he cupped my cheek, closing the distance between us as I craned my neck up to look at him, new tears falling from his eyes, “You’re my light, Y/N. The beacon in my darkness. I could never forget you—”

“Why are you leaving?” I cut him off, needing a reason. He had to have a good one if he was this desperate to go. Yunho gulped and looked away, almost ashamed, his grip on my cheek loosening, but I quickly placed my own hand over his and squeezed his fingers, his eyes falling back on me.

“I just can’t live here anymore.”

“Not a good enough reason.” I snapped, making Yunho’s eyebrows furrow.

“I just hate this life.” I shook my head again, the reason not good enough. I wouldn’t accept such mediocre issues. I didn’t like my life either, but I didn’t plan on running away with pirates. Who could kill me any second.

“Y/N, what does it matter—”

“Because you plan on leaving me behind and I can’t let you go without a good enough reason!” I snapped, more tears falling from my eyes as Yunho shook his head, the wind blowing his bangs away from his forehead.

“I hate my father.” His voice was quiet as he spoke up with a sigh, eyes falling on the sand between our feet, “He’s always been bad, but ever since mother died…I just can’t deal with him anymore. He’s drunk all day and all night and blames everything on me. He expects me to bring money to the house like my mother did, but I can’t even bake one chocolate chip cookie, Y/N. He’s never taught me his job and I can’t help out at the workshop…give it a few more months and we’ll die from hunger.”

The weight of his words settled between us as I took in a deep breath before exhaling slowly, pulling him into my body, my arms wrapping around his torso tightly. I knew Yunho hated pity, but my heart broke for him. I couldn’t stand seeing him cry, chewing his lower lip as his body trembled from the cold.

“I would never let you die like that, you idiot.” I whispered against his neck and Yunho’s body shook as he laughed quietly, before he started crying hard, “You should’ve told me sooner, Yunho. You know I would’ve helped you. You know my parents would’ve helped.”

“I don’t want anyone’s help, I’m a man—”

“You’re a boy.” I reminded him as Yunho squeezed me against his body, holding the back of my head against his neck, his body cold compared to mine. I had just noticed how thinly he was dressed and it broke my heart. His father never bothered getting him new clothes as winter was approaching.

“Boy or man, I have to fend for myself.” Yunho whispered and slowly pulled back, removing his body from mine, “And if I want to live, I have to leave right now. Without you, Y/N. But I promise you that I will return. And when I do, I promise to be rich, and then we’ll both leave this good for nothing town.”

I shook my head, about to complain as Yunho pressed his lips against my forehead, burning my skin as my eyes blurred with tears. As I reached out for him, he stepped back, and he was gone. He turned his body and started walking away, leaving me in disbelief as my body shook from anger and fear of being abandoned by the only person I loved wholeheartedly.

He was already a few good steps away when my next words bubbled out of me, “I will kill myself!”

I was fifteen. I didn’t know better back at that time, but it felt like my whole world was disappearing the further Yunho walked from me. The purpose to live seemed to dim in me as he sauntered off in the darkness. I felt powerless as he walked away from me.

“I will jump off the cliff tonight if you leave me here, Yunho!” I screamed, body shaking violently as Yunho stopped, body going rigid. It looked as if he wasn’t even breathing anymore, so I continued, “I can’t live without you, and if you leave me here, I will kill myself. I will walk up the hill, past my house and yours, and go to the edge, and jump. I will do it; you know I will. It’s a promise, Yunho. And then you won’t have anyone to return to—”

“Stop!” He screamed back and wheeled around, face ablaze as he stormed up to me, breathing quickly, “Stop this non-sense right now!”

“You know I will do it.” I challenged him, glaring up at my best friend.

“You’re crazy.” Yunho whispered speechless, searching my face for a tell-sign that I was joking. But I wasn’t. I meant every word I have just said.

“I can’t live without you.” I repeated for the nth time tonight, making Yunho shake his head in despair as he suddenly gripped my arm, hold careful, and started walking, pulling me after him. I said nothing as I kept up with him, ignoring the way the sand still made me stumble, eyes never leaving the side of Yunho’s face as he gazed ahead determined, grip slightly tightening as if he was afraid I’d rip myself away from him. But I would never do that. My heart was beating fast as I realized we were walking towards the water, towards the pirate ship. Yunho remained quiet as he gave me one final glance, a silent question in his eyes if I truly wanted this. Wherever he went, I followed. Whatever he did, I followed. So, I nodded my head firmly, and we walked inside the water, taking our unsure future in our hands for the first time.

Our fifteen-year-old selves remained clueless as to when the ship sailed off, hidden away behind some barrels in a chamber which looked like a kitchen, Yunho and I had assumed it was one since it had a stove. Our small and lanky bodies huddled close together, Yunho’s hand holding onto my arm the whole night, as if he was scared someone would snatch me away from him. But nobody did. Despite being on an unknown ship with pirates, we slept through the night smoothly, the clanking of loud dishes the only thing which woke us up. My eyes were wide as I stared at Yunho, who’s face held no emotion as he carefully peeked out from behind the barrel, surveying our surroundings. By the sound of it, there was only one man in the kitchen beside us, and I relaxed when Yunho nodded at me reassuringly, leaning down to whisper something in my ear. But our false security was quickly gone as a strong grip on my arm yanked me to my feet, away from Yunho, who sprung up after me, taking a hold of my other arm. I stared up at the scary looking old man, who’s grip was very painful, scared for my life. Perhaps this was the day we’d die.

“Let go of her.” Yunho’s voice held no fear as he stared the old man down, eyes ablaze as he tried tugging me close to himself. The old man just chuckled and looked behind him, where the man who was washing the dishes watched us amused.

“Two children,” The old man chuckled, “what are you doing on my ship?”

“Are you the Captain?” Yunho asked, eyebrows raising. The old man said nothing as he nodded, a curious glint in his eyes as he looked at me before looking back at Yunho.

“I’ll only ask once more before I throw you to the sharks, what are you doing on my ship, children?” I gulped, heart in my throat as I looked at Yunho panicked, trying to tug my arm free from the painful grip of the Captain, but it did nothing. Yunho noticed the discomfort on my face and stepped closer to me, squaring up to the Captain as he pulled his shoulders back, wanting to seem taller and stronger than he was.

“We got bored of our old lives, Captain,” He spoke with determination, the glint I have missed back in his eyes, “And we wanted to start anew. What better way than a pirate ship?”

“If you think I’m going to take you on the adventure of your lifetime, kid, you’re very wrong.” The Captain rolled his eyes and released my arm, pushing me, making me fall into Yunho. He caught me easily and glared at the Captain as he cradled me against his chest, shielding my view of the scary man as he buried my face in his chest. My heart skipped a beat.

“We’re not here for the adventure, Captain, we’re here to work. To do something with our lives. Anything’s better than living in that God forsaken town,” Yunho sighed, his confidence still shining through, “You have seen it with your own eyes.”

The Captain hummed and after a beat of silence, I heard him speak up, “So, you want to work?”

Yunho nodded eagerly and I managed to nod as well, forcefully pulling my head away from Yunho’s chest as he tried to keep me still, “We don’t want to be a burden. You can teach us anything and we’ll do as you say, Captain.”

The Captain chuckled, but I could see his eyes softening a bit. Yunho has always had charm, all the elders loved him back in our town. Every kid wanted to be his friend. I shrunk a bit against Yunho as the Captain’s black eyes fell on me this time, eyebrows furrowing, “You’re a girl.”

I nodded, scared of what would happen next to me. I knew I was at a disadvantage here, but I also knew Yunho would never let anyone touch me or harm me. I was safe with him. The Captain’s eyebrows furrowed even more, and suddenly, he raised his fingers to his mouth and whistled loudly, making my ears ring. The other pirate who had been washing the dishes quickly left the room and suddenly we heard two pairs of footsteps thudding down the hallway loudly. I felt my heart pick up again and bit my lower lip as I held onto Yunho’s arm so tightly it was probably restricting his blood flow, but he said nothing as he held me back just as tightly. Suddenly, the door was thrown open and two boys walked in. They were young, perhaps around our age, both shorter than Yunho as they walked to each side of the Captain. They looked nothing alike, yet the one with cat-like eyes resembled the Captain an awfully lot. Yunho and I glanced at each other as the Captain ruffled the two boys’ hair and then looked at us with a big smile, suddenly looking friendly, the scary man gone.

“These are Hongjoong and Seonghwa,” The Captain said cheerfully as my eyes fell on the boy to his left, who’s eyes were big and his plump lips were pulled into a warm smile, “You two look to be the same age as my boys.”

“Your boys…” Yunho repeated quietly, slightly relaxing against me, my grip leaving his arm as I detached myself from Yunho, suddenly embarrassed, and stood straight up next to him.

“My sons.” The Captain clarified and then looked at me again, “If you truly want to stay on the ship with us, you won’t have an easy life as a girl.”

I sucked in a harsh breath, finally being hit with the harsh truth. A ship. Full of pirates. Of men. And I was a girl. I shuddered and circled my arms around my torso, feeling very uneasy as I saw the two sons glance at each other before their eyes fell on me. Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed and he stepped in front of me, glowering at the Captain’s son whose eyes were cat-like as his eyes seemed to remain on me for longer, “I will kill anyone who dares touch her.”

The Captain’s laughter was loud as it echoed around us and his son cracked a smile, meanwhile the other one looked concerned for a second as his eyes found mine. He looked very nice, and soft; it was weird that he made me feel safe so fast.

“You can’t even lift a sword, son.” The Captain said once he was done laughing, and then grabbed his son’s shoulder, the one that looked nothing like him, and nudged him forward. He glanced back at his father before his eyes fell on me again and he smiled at Yunho warmly as he stepped closer, extending his hand for me.

“I’m Seonghwa, nice to meet you.” His voice was velvety and he was very polite, if we met in any other circumstance, I would’ve never said he was a pirate.

“My name is Y/N.” I said as I shook his hand, lightly pushing Yunho out of the way. He didn’t like it as he watched us closely, but said nothing.

“Seonghwa will take care of you, Y/N,” The Captain said and Seonghwa nodded obediently, “he’ll give you some clothes and help you figure out how to make you look like a man. I don’t mind having you on my ship at all, but you should keep your true identity a secret if you want to be safe. I can’t promise you anything if you decide to stay.”

I looked at Yunho upon hearing the Captain’s words and he turned his head to look at me, determination coating his gaze. I nodded at him and he sighed, jaw clenching, and I knew he was worried about me. About how we were going to pull this off.

“Your hair is really pretty.” Seonghwa suddenly spoke up and as he extended a hand to touch one of my copper curls, Yunho’s hand shot out and gripped his wrist, the other son, Hongjoong, jumping forward and holding a small dagger to Yunho’s neck. I gasped as I looked at the three boys, feeling helpless as I was the cause of it.

“Stop it, Yunho.” I whispered as I stared at the dagger at his neck, heart beating fast as Hongjoong glared at my best friend. The Captain started laughing again and shook his head, pulling Hongjoong back by the arm, Seonghwa stepping back embarrassed as well.

“I see you’ll get along just well,” The Captain said joyfully and looked down at Hongjoong, “You can teach Yunho whatever you feel like, he’s all yours.”

A dangerous glint appeared in Hongjoong’s eyes as he looked back at Yunho, and suddenly I was concerned for him, scared that the pirate would put him through torture.

“We only have one free room and one bed.” The Captain said as he turned around, walking towards the exit, “You’ll have to figure it out yourselves.”

Yunho and I nodded, not foreign to the feeling of sleeping in the same bed. After his mother’s death he slept over at my house quite often, never truly explaining why; but it’s not like it bothered me. His mother really liked me and while she was alive, she’d organize plenty sleepovers for the two of us, baking and cooking her specialties to make our night even better. I missed her.

“Like I said, your hair is really pretty,” Seonghwa spoke up again as the Captain was out of the kitchen, “But it’s too long for a boy…”

I gulped, gripping the ends of my copper hair. I really loved my hair. It was special, nobody else’s in my town was like the colour of mine. It reached the middle of my back, my curls tight. I didn’t want to cut it.

“I don’t want to cut it.” I said quietly and looked at the floor as Seonghwa hummed, rubbing his chin.

“I’ll try to figure something out, then, about clothes you don’t have to worry about, Hongjoong and I have plenty of those to lend over until we deck down in a town and buy some for you two.” I smiled at him thankfully and Yunho nodded his head, looking around the room.

“Will you teach us what pirates do?” I asked quietly, starting to feel excited about the future. Hongjoong chuckled as he played around with his dagger, pointing it at Yunho.

“We aren’t on a playground here, so you better forget you’re just kids.” He said with a scowl, eyes narrowed at Yunho, “And don’t try to play the tough guy either, unless you want to be shark food. Touch Seonghwa again and I’ll cut your hand off—”

“Hongjoong.” Seonghwa sighed with a pointed look at his brother, “He didn’t know what I wanted to do, he was just protecting her—”

“I do not care.” Hongjoong snaped, shooting a silencing look at Seonghwa, “There are ranks on this ship, and you’re at the bottom of it right now.”

Yunho glared at Hongjoong as he raised his chin, staring at him challengingly, “We’ll see for how long, pirate boy.”

Hongjoong chuckled as Seonghwa shook his head and looked at me sadly, motioning with his head for me to follow him, “You should get changed, Y/N, the longer you look like that the longer you’re in danger.”

“Promise you’ll never tell anyone.” Yunho suddenly spoke up, looking at Hongjoong and Seonghwa. The two glanced at each other before they nodded their heads, Seonghwa gently offering his palm for me to take.

“We promise.” Hongjoong said firmly, extending his hand for Yunho, who shook it firmly, “Let me show you your room then.”

5 years ago

A while had passed since the pirate ship became my new home. Yunho’s new home. Captain Kim was kind to the two of us, allowed us time to learn what we were best at, and never beat us down with his words like some other pirates, who didn’t try to hide their disdain for us. I did not understand where such hatred came from, but I didn’t dwell too much on it. Yunho was quick on his feet and too smart for his own good, he learned something new every day and mastered it in only a few more days. It was impressive, the Captain became keen of him quite fast and promised to give him a high rank once the right time came. I was scared at first, not truly understanding how I could help out on a ship full of men as my strength was quite questionable and my cooking skills were nowhere to be found, that is, until one day, Seonghwa and I were cleaning up his father’s office, only to find drawings of some old ships and boats. The designs caught my attention and after asking for permission, I took them to my room and started studying them, finding similarities with our own ship. I knew I might’ve been very wrong, but I wanted to have significance and contribute with something, so one evening, when the Captain was gazing out at the dark sea, I walked up to him and whispered to him that I might have some suggestions as to how we could make our ship faster. He listened to me with a smile on his face and the next day I found myself in charge of making the ship faster. And after that, whenever something happened to the ship, I seemed to be one of the few who knew how to fix it. I could feel the heated gazes of the other pirates, those who had been on this ship for too long, throwing insults at me behind my back, cursing me for doing more than they ever could. I had been cornered a few times too, threatened with a beating and becoming shark food, but Yunho somehow was always there at the right time, scaring those pirates off as he glared at them with the scariest look in his eyes. And once they were gone, he’d turn around and cradle me against his chest, promising to always protect me. Captain Kim was also good at keeping me safe, often warning his pirates to keep their slurs to themselves if he heard them sprouting non-sense about my physical appearance, about how weak and frail I looked. Nobody besides a select few people on the ship knew I was a woman, and I intended to keep it that way. The Captain was a great help when it came to it, always shutting down the rumours, but after just six months of having been on his ship, he was killed by a rival pirate crew while we were decked down for supplies. We had a few rough weeks, especially Hongjoong and Seonghwa, but a new order was soon instilled. Kim Hongjoong, the Captain’s only blood related son, was to be the next Captain. He chose Seonghwa to be his Quartermaster and at the late request of his father, Yunho became the Master boatswain. I was assigned the position of Carpenter and Yunho’s deputy if he ever needed help, meanwhile many of the older pirates were disregarded of their positions. Hongjoong wanted to make his own reputation, he became The Slayer, making Ateez one of the most feared pirates in the four seas and four kingdoms. Our crew grew significantly throughout the years and we became a tight circle of nine, Hongjoong’s most trusted people…and friends. Everyone was special to him, and despite not being on the best of terms with everyone myself, I knew they were my family. I knew I could trust them with my life. If Yunho wasn’t there, they always were, all of them being very protective of my gender as the older pirates were quite vile, not liking the changes Hongjoong was making.

I usually stayed up late when I wanted to wash up, preferring to wait until everyone else fell asleep, that way I knew nobody would barge in on me. The little room we used as a washroom was truly small, a few utensils thrown in the corner as we used a larger barrel as a bathtub, luxuries like that weren’t made for ships. The water was almost hot as I dipped my hand in it to check the temperature, and it brought a smile on my face, knowing that Yunho was the one who washed up before me. He knew how I liked being last, so if he could, he always heated the water for me beforehand as carrying buckets filled with water was strenuous for my muscles. I waited a few more minutes, checking again if nobody was roaming the halls of the ship, and upon hearing no movement I started undressing. I took off the scarf from my hair, unwrapping it before pulling off the bandana as well, massaging my scalp and sighing at the relief of pressure from my head. My hair had to be cut every now and then, but Seonghwa was nice enough and never cut it above my shoulders, knowing how much I loved my curls and the colour of it. I unbuttoned my black shirt, but didn’t take it off as I had to first unwrap the tight cloth from around my body, which restricted my breasts from showing too much, also concealing the form of my body. My skin itched as I undid the clasps and quickly unravelled it from around my torso, groaning at the soreness of my breasts. Ever since going through puberty my breasts had gotten bigger, and having to restrict them daily made them very sensitive and sore, on some days I could barely touch them, the pain traveling through my entire torso at the smallest contact. I unlaced my trousers and quickly pushed them off, shivering as the cold wrapped around my body. As I went to pull down my undergarment, I heard footsteps barrelling down the stairs and loudly headed towards the washroom. My eyes widened as I froze for a second, listening to the sounds, trying to recognize the person, but to my horror, it wasn’t anyone whom I was close to. Yunho only needed to take one step before I recognized him, Seonghwa’s steps were light and he was usually whistling a tune stuck in his head, meanwhile Wooyoung was always screaming my name if he was searching for me. This wasn’t anyone I knew, not someone I was close to. Snapping out of my shock, I looked around panicked, not knowing what to throw on first to conceal my identity, but by the time I grabbed the bandana to wrap it around my head, the door was thrown open. I froze, my back facing the door. Nobody said anything despite the burning gaze I could feel on the back of my head and I stiffened as I subtly tried to button up my shirt. If it was anyone, I was close with, they would’ve already apologized and closed the door behind them, even San.

“Taemin?” Fuck. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, chewing my bottom lip as I realized it was one of the older pirates, who’s voice was too raspy from smoking so much. He was one of the few remaining from Captain Kim’s crew, the old crew, and he hated my guts the most.

“Yeah?” The timber of my voice dropped, like I usually spoke to the crew. My heart was beating fast as I pulled my shoulders back, closing the last button of my shirt, bracing myself to turn around. But before I could do so, a sticky hand grabbed my arm and whirled me around.

“You’re not Taemin.” The old man’s face came in view, he was sneering at me, his breath bad as it smelled like cheap rum, he looked tipsy. I gulped before rolling my eyes, my expression steeling.

“Let go of me, you old fool.” I hissed, trying to tug my arm out of his grip, but the old man narrowed his eyes at me.

“Watch your language, pirate.” The old man snapped back, yanking me closer to himself. I tensed even more, conscious of how exposed I was. I could only pray his vision was blurry enough that he wouldn’t realize my gender.

“Release my arm, now.” I demanded, glaring at him, but suddenly, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open as his eyes travelled over my body. Fuck. I went to pull away, about to curse him out like a sailor and send him away, but the old fool was walking out the room, hauling me after himself. I struggled against him, but his strong grip wasn’t relenting.

“What are you doing?!” I yelped as I tried to hold onto the wall when he started walking us up the stairs, heart hammering in my chest.

“Shut up, wench!” He snarled as he looked back with a glare and my heart dropped to my stomach, realizing that everything was about to change. I started to trash against him, trying to free myself, but he just hissed and turned around, landing a hard slap against my cheek, making me fall into the wall. I was breathing hard, shock rippling through my body as he grabbed me by my hair and yanked hard, making me cry out, pulling me up the stairs, headed to the deck.

“Get up, everyone!” He started screaming at the top of his lungs, his harsh grip bringing tears to my eyes, “Fucking wake up! Get on deck!”

No, no, no. My lower lip trembled as I tried to turn in his grip and punch him, I knew how to fight, but this greasy man was strong and furious as he threw me against the hard wooden floor of the deck, my breathing ragged and loud as my head almost smacked against the floor. Pain shut through my knees, palms burning from taking the impact.

“You, wench!” The old pirate howled at the top of his lungs, spit flying from his mouth, “You thought we wouldn’t find out? You thought you could fool us?!”

I bit my lower lip, trying to gather myself as I heard the multiple footsteps of the rest of the pirates, then felt their eyes on me. I knew everyone would be watching, judging, and laughing. I was surrounded by men, after all, and they loved humiliating a woman. Especially the one most of them had been suspicious of for five years now.

“I am no fool!” The pirate screamed and suddenly grabbed me by my hair, yanking my head up. My body trembled from the cold and anger cursing through my veins as I glared up in his eyes with spite, “You might’ve fooled the old Captain, but not me!”

“And who are you?! You scum!” I snapped, baring my teeth at him before the back of his hand made contact with my cheek, again, sending my head flying to the side. My cheek stung from the slap, tears instantly in my eyes as I heard commotion close to us.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Yunho’s voice was deep as he screamed at the top of his lungs, voice almost cracking from the anger I could hear in it. As I looked up, cheek burning, my eyes fell on Yunho. He looked livid. His chest was falling and rising rapidly, and when we made eye contact, his jaw clenched as he took off towards the old pirate, only to be held back by Mingi and San. Wooyoung’s gaze could murder anyone as he watched the old pirate, hand gripping the handle of his sword as I saw the conflict in his eyes, not knowing whether he was allowed to help me or not as the crowd of pirates parted for Hongjoong, who’s hair stuck in odd places, his nightgown thrown over his built frame.

“What is happening?” He asked, voice tense, as he stopped in front of Yunho, keeping a safe distance between me and the old fool. I looked at Hongjoong, and when he saw me, his eyes hardened before he looked back at the old pirate. Everyone knew the old pirate has always tried sabotaging Yunho and I, even tried to throw us in the water once when we were working on deck, thankfully Hongjoong saw everything and reported it to his father instantly, as he was still alive back then. Hongjoong hated this old pirate as well, having been bullied by him his whole childhood, but he needed a good reason before getting rid of him. It seems like them moment has just come. Old fool.

“This man—no, woman!” The old pirate spat as he pointed his finger at me accusingly, “Has lied to us for years, Hongjoong—”

“It’s Captain Hongjoong to you, pirate.” Seonghwa snapped, standing behind Hongjoong tensely, keeping his eyes off me as I could see his strong front breaking each time he dared glance my way even from the corner of his eyes.

“Captain Hongjoong,” The old man said it with difficulty, hating Hongjoong just as much as he hated the rest of us, “this woman had been hiding on our ship for five years. Calling herself Taemin, exploiting our generosity, using up our resources!”

“And? Where’s the problem with that?” Hongjoong chuckled and walked closer, taking his nightgown off as he stopped in front of me.

“Where’ the problem—she’s a wench!” The old pirate screamed at the top of his lungs as Hongjoong crouched down and placed the nightgown around my shoulders, sharing a look of understanding with me, calming my crazy heartrate for a second, “This slut thought she could outsmart us! Sneaked on the ship with that boy only to be his whore—”

I closed my eyes tightly at the vile things which kept leaving his mouth, calling me names and any slur he could remember. Yunho and I made eye contact, and I noticed how Wooyoung was gone, probably unable to remain calm, meanwhile Seonghwa had to move to keep his hand against Yunho’s chest as he trembled with fury, trying to fight off Mingi and San, who were trying to calm him down. My eyes looked up at Hongjoong when suddenly a sword was handed to me, Hongjoong’s hand extended for me. I took it and stood up, wrapping his nightgown around my exposed body, grabbing the handle of the sword.

“That’s my sword you’re holding you ugly slut!” The pirate spat and I looked him in the eye, slowly, a smirk pulling onto my lips. Hongjoong chuckled and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he stood next to me.

“You’re free to do whatever you want with him, Y/N.” He emphasized my name as we both stared down the old pirate, who seemed shocked to hear my real name.

“You—you knew!” He said bewildered, his eyes falling on the crew as he realized Mingi and San were barely able to hold Yunho back at this point, Seonghwa having to stand right in front of his face and continuously demand him to stop, “You knew all along what this stupid wench was and—”

The pirate’s words stuttered as his eyes widened, looking down at his chest. I gripped the handle of the sword with both hands as I pressed it deeper inside his heart, watching with satisfaction as the old fool seemed to realize a wench was the one to end his life.

“How pathetic,” I chuckled, smirking at the man arrogantly, “killed by your own sword. By a woman.”

The man tried to say something, but I yanked the sword out of his chest, watching him as he fell to his knees, clutching at his chest as blood poured out, coating his clothes and the floor. I kept my eyes on him, watching as the life faded slowly from his eyes until he fell limply against the floor. The silence behind us was deadly, and Hongjoong shook his head, looking irritated, as he turned to face his crew.

“Well, now that this is out of the way…” He said with an eerie smile, clapping his hands together, “Taemin isn’t actually a man, as you can see. Her name is Y/N and if anyone’s got a problem with having a woman in our crew, don’t be intimidated, tell us now. I’ll let her take care of it.”

Nobody said anything, their eyes averted as they shook their heads ‘no’, shuffling around uncomfortably. I released the sword and let it clatter to the ground, eyes connecting with Yunho’s as he was finally allowed to do whatever he pleased, not even two seconds later his body crashed into mine, his whole being shaking. I chuckled into his chest, trembling as well and gulping down the tears as he turned us around, his arms wrapped around me protectively, and snarled at anyone who was still gawking at me. Hongjoong nodded at us, and Yunho grabbed my arm instead, making me yearn for the comfort of what being in his arms felt like, as he pulled me after him making the crowd part for us as I stumbled down the stairs after him. He said nothing, and I remained quiet, trying to swallow the tears which threatened to spill down my cheeks. I tried to stay strong, up on the deck, but I was terrified of what would happen to me now. Of how the rest of the crew which didn’t know about me until now would act towards me.

Yunho’s tall body was tense as he kicked the door of our room open, and I gasped as he yanked me inside, slamming me against the wall before he kicked the door closed with his foot. Yunho had gotten taller over the years, something which seemed impossible since he’s always been so much taller than me. His face had gotten sharper too and eyes steelier than they used to be, the glint in them only appearing when it was just the two of us or if he was with Mingi, who had become like his brother quickly. My heart was hammering in my chest as I looked up at Yunho, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks. He was breathing hard and the way his jaw would clench and then unclench was an obvious sign of his anger, of how much he was seething.

“Did he touch you?” His voice was barely a whisper, it shook in the quietness of our small room. We weren’t fifteen anymore, sometimes it felt stuffy inside here, but it was the best this ship could offer, and we had to live with it. Yunho’s voice had always been so soft, but over the years, it has gotten deeper and whenever he was angry, it would shake his whole chest as his voice boomed over everyone else’s. You rarely saw him mad, but when it happened, it silenced the whole crew as everyone covered away from his wrath.

“No—”

“Y/N, did he touch you?” He repeated his question, eyes ablaze as I sniffed, two tears rolling down my cheeks. I tried to keep it together, to look strong in front of him, but nobody has ever touched me like that old man has. Nobody has ever called me so many ugly things before. I regarded myself as a mentally strong person, but I felt violated. I didn’t want my gender revealed just yet, I was scared of what would happen to me next. Men were vile and they viewed us, women, as a piece of meat, good for nothing else than bringing them satisfaction. I could see it in the eyes of a few pirates up on the deck, their eyes running hungrily across my exposed body. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this.

“Just—” I gulped, shaking my head, “No, not like that—just slapped me, really—”

“Did he slap you before you got to the deck?” Yunho’s voice was too levelled, it meant nothing good. I was scared he’d throw someone overboard; he surely had seen the few pirates looking my way for too long when we passed by them.

“Yunho, he’s dead.” I forced a soft smile on my lips, grabbing his wrists in a reassuring manner, “It doesn’t matter—”

“It matters!” Yunho snapped, voice raising, “It matters because you’re no longer safe with us! Because I failed to keep you away from danger when I promised I’d never let that happen! I should’ve never allowed you to come with me—”

“Yunho, it’s not your fault.” I said with a sigh, watching his eyebrows furrow in disappointment, “I should’ve waited for longer, really. And you’ve always kept me safe, stop saying such nonsense.”

He chuckled, his voice coated with irony, “If that were the case, nothing would’ve happened tonight.”

“Yunho.” I snapped, eyebrows furrowing as I pulled his hands off my cheeks, lightly pushing him back, “I am fine. I am safe. I am alive, standing with you in the security of our room. There’s nothing to blame you for, so please, stop it.”

Yunho looked at the floor, shaking his head as he racked one hand through his hair, long fingers tangling in the messy strands of his locks. My eyes followed the motion, eyes lingering on his hand for a second too long, before my attention was back on his face as I felt him looking at me. I raised my eyebrows, a question on the tip of my tongue, when suddenly, Yunho closed the distance between us. My heart started thumping crazily as I looked up at him wide eyed, our chest pressing together, his breathing escalated as well. He paused for a second, almost looking afraid, before bending down and grabbing the backs of my thighs, hauling me up against him. My arms wrapped around his neck instinctively and so did my legs around his hips, body shivering from the warmth his own body emanated against my cold one. Hongjoong’s nightgown slipped off my shoulders as Yunho lightly pushed it off, walking us towards the bed, leaning down and laying me down carefully. I stared up at him wordlessly, heart in my throat as he leaned down suddenly, staring intently into my eyes before he dipped his head down, lips pressing against my collarbones. My eyes widened and I gasped quietly, laying on the mattress unmoving, body tense from the strangeness of the feeling of Yunho’s soft lips brushing against my skin.

“You’re not a wench.” Yunho’s voice was deep as he pressed a kiss in the juncture between my neck and collarbones, my breath hitching for a second, “You’re not a slut.”

“Yunho—” I whispered confused, trying to find his gaze, but he wasn’t looking at me as he kissed the side of my neck so softly, I barely felt it. My skin was covered in goosebumps and I bit my lower lip as I started up at the ceiling.

“You’re not anyone’s whore—you’re not stupid.” Yunho’s voice was tense as he kissed up my neck, one hand suddenly holding my hips as I felt my body flush at his words. I didn’t think too deeply of what being his whore implied, he was my best friend after all. We had never touched each other inappropriately.

“You’re beautiful, so beautiful.” Yunho suddenly whispered in my ear and I let out a quiet breath, hand unconsciously coming up to hold on to his nape as he pulled back slightly, staring into my own eyes. His pupils were slightly dilated, but he looked so serious, “You’re gorgeous and you’re smart. We would’ve long died without your skills. Nobody patches up this ship like you can. Nobody can do what you can, you’re irreplaceable. That old fool didn’t know what he was saying, he was just jealous that a woman is better than he’ll ever be.”

I nodded wordlessly, drinking in his words, staring up in his endless eyes, the glint in them pulling me in, the world disappearing around us. It was just the two of us in this room, nobody and nothing could disturb our peaceful moment. He felt like heaven. Warm and soft. So protective, so careful. Yunho’s eyes, for a second, fell to my lips which had parted just seconds ago, but I wasn’t able to say anything as he leaned down, wetting his own lips with his tongue. I didn’t know what I wanted or why I felt this desperate need to feel his lips against mine, but suddenly, I felt very thankful when he kissed the side of my mouth, so close yet so far from where I yearned to feel his. We were best friends. Certainly not lovers; and a kiss on the lips…that opened up new doors, something more than friendship. And yes, we loved each other, but not like lovers do.

“Thank you.” I found myself whispering as my hand slipped up, fingers tangling in his hair as Yunho sighed, pressing his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes and finally, I felt his body relaxing, anger having dissipated. He looked serene as I studied his face and I smiled softly, wrapping my arms around his torso and pulling his body down, against mine. Yunho moved us up on the bed and cradled my head against his neck, his body weight never crushing me as he turned us to the side.

“I promise you’re safe with me.” He whispered in my ear and I nodded, burying my head in his neck, nose nuzzling against his flushed skin.

“I know.” I whispered back, gulping, pausing for a second, “I love you, Yunho.”

Silence wrapped around us, the waves crashing against the ship rocking it softly. The moon was high up in the clear sky, stars illuminating our route. Yunho stroked my hair, and I felt the smile on his face, in his words, “I love you too, Y/N.”

Present time

Sword clashing against sword rung out in the air loudly, metal scraping metal, a sound I was familiar with. My younger self would’ve winced at the strain it exerted on my left wrist as I pushed against my opponent’s sword, but I had years and years of training, unless I strained it in some odd way, no pain would usually follow after a sparring session. I felt a grin creeping up on my face as I pushed harder against Yunho’s own sword, his eyebrows furrowed, as I managed to throw him off balance. I stepped closer, invading his personal space as the both of us were panting, the beaming sun taking a tool on us as we’ve been sparing for hours now up on the deck. The waves were loud as they crashed offshore, some bigger and more menacing looking that the others. The wind was strong, but not harsh, sailing our ship smoothly as Jongho stood in the crow’s nest, binocular in his hands and maps splayed out around him. Wooyoung clung tightly against the shrouds, the muscles of his arms bulging, as he listened closely to whatever information Jongho shouted his way, Wooyoung quickly adjusting the sails according to whatever Jongho has said to him. Whenever Wooyoung and I would make eye contact he’d grin my way, sticking his tongue out, taking my attention off Yunho and making me accidentally lose a few rounds. No matter how much I complained to Yunho that it wasn’t fair as Wooyoung had distracted me, again, he paid no mind and claimed his victory, making Seonghwa shake his head at us in amusement as he stood leaning against the railing of the quarterdeck, looking down on the lively crew. There was something different in the air today, everyone’s mood seemed to be lighter, happier than usually. Despite Hongjoong being promised a lifetime of lavish when Siwon asked to meet with him and Hongjoong coming back empty handed, but littered with a few purple-coloured small bruises on his neck, the whole deal didn’t seem to bother him so much. It was new, Hongjoong could get very stressed and mad when a deal didn’t go his way, but there was something different about him this time, I could feel it radiating off him. He was steering the wheel, taking his position as Captain, as Seonghwa and him would convers from time to time.

Yunho’s chocolate brown eyes bore into mine as we paused for a second, my eyes watching the stray sweat drop roll down from his temple to his cheek and then jawline, Yunho’s eyes watching me closely when I looked back up his, fastening my heartbeat. There was something so different about the Yunho I grew up with and the Yunho standing in front of me right now. He wasn’t a boy anymore; he was a man. A tall, well-built, and ambitious man. He looked any challenge in the eyes and conquered them without a problem, always quick on his feet. His soft eyes would glaze over with determination whenever he set his eyes on something, always the last to back off if something wasn’t going his way. He was charming, and he always used it to his advantage, features soft and friendly, almost always smiling, a warm twinkle in his eyes. It was one of the few things which signalled that this Yunho, who’s leg I just kicked out of underneath him, was the same Yunho I had grown up with. He was still the little boy whom everyone loved from our village, he was still the little boy who’d share everything with me, even if he had little of it. He was still my best friend. Albeit a bit changed, but deep down it was still him. Yunho groaned as he lost balance and with a small push, he landed on his ass, throwing his sword down in frustration as I started giggling, lowering my own sword.

“Oh, don’t be such a cry-baby,” I mocked, pursing my lips at him, “You’ve been spending too much time with Mingi lately, it’s starting to rub off.”

It was good Mingi wasn’t around to hear us, because I wouldn’t hear the end of the fact that I dared call him a cry-baby. He could be quite dramatic at times, more demanding of attention than anyone else I have met so far.

“You wish,” Yunho rolled his eyes as he sighed loudly, his breathing ragged, “I’m not a cry-baby.”

“Then explain why you’ve been whining ever since we’ve started sparing.” I raised my eyebrows and placed my sword back in its holder, the weight of it familiar around my hips.

“I wasn’t!” Yunho quickly defended himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest looking like a child, “I told you I had to carry heavy barrels two days ago, my arms are still sore from them.”

“I don’t hear Yeosang and Jongho complaining, though.” I muttered playfully, earning a frustrated groan from Yunho. He narrowed his eyes at me in a fake glare and I chuckled as I extended my hand for him, to help him up. Yunho eyed it for a second before looking me in the eyes, beaming up at me. His smile took me off guard, heartbeat stuttering for a second, but before I could have much of a reaction, the wind was knocked out of my lungs. I yelped as I gripped Yunho’s biceps tightly, back colliding with the wooden floorboards loudly. I gaped up at Yunho, taken off by his actions, as he quickly straddled my hips and grabbed a hold of my neck, long fingers curling around my blazing skin. I was left speechless as my lips parted in a quiet gasp, wide eyes staring up at my best friend, who had a triumphant smirk on his lips. He leaned closer, his golden chain necklace with a big trident charm dangling in my face, as he chuckled. His second necklace, which I have gifted him a long time ago, was wrapped snuggly around his neck, the pink shell shinning in the sunlight.

“Never let your guard down,” He muttered, voice dropped to a low mumble, making me gulp as I finally closed my mouth. I felt warmth flush over my whole body, my cheeks probably burning from embarrassment, as I took in the way Yunho looked on top of me, white shirt clinging to his sweaty torso, the top few buttons undone, tan skin glistening underneath. Veins, very visible, travelled up his exposed forearms, and the ring all of Ateez members wore, dug into the flushed skin of my neck, a screaming reminder of the firm hold he had of it, but not restricting my airflow. He was just holding me in place. His dark brown hair was messy as the wind blew it in all directions, slightly wavy from the salty breeze, and it fell on his forehead, clinging to the sweaty skin in some places. His cheeks were flushed as he looked lost in my own eyes, before he quickly cleared his throat, “The fight is never over until one is knocked out.”

By some miracle, my voice came out steady and strong, “Is that what you’re trying to do right now?”

Yunho didn’t answer, a lopsided smirk appearing on his lips as he slightly sat back, pressure taken off my hips as if he knew I would make no move to try and fight him off, “You’ll have to squeeze if you want to knock me out—”

“Mate, seriously?!” Wooyoung’s shrill voice cut my words off as a loud thud landed not far from us, “Stop being so inappropriate in front of everyone!”

Before Yunho or I could say anything back to Wooyoung, he was by our side, grabbing Yunho’s bicep and yanking him off me, up to his feet. My body finally relaxed and I closed my eyes, taking a second to calm my racing heart, knowing that it would work now that Yunho wasn’t so close anymore.

“We were just sparing—” Yunho started saying when Wooyoung made a loud noise with his mouth, lips smacking together in a way it said he did not want to hear an explanation.

“You two do this almost daily, Yunho,” Wooyoung said accusingly, making me smile as I sat up, watching my two best friends throw irritated looks at each other, “And it’s disgusting and sickening to have to watch—”

“To have to watch two pirates train?” Yunho cut Wooyoung off, making the younger one sigh with a frown.

“That’s not training—” Wooyoung almost exclaimed, but cut himself off with an annoyed groan, looking down at me with an accusatory look, “Don’t just sit there and act innocent, missy.”

I laughed as I got up, dusting off my leather pants before placing my hands on my hips, “I didn’t do anything wrong, Mr. Prude, stop yapping our ears off.”

“Yapping your ears off?!” Wooyoung sounded offended as he released his hold on Yunho and instead jumped towards me, his arms going around my neck as he bent me down, holding me in a headlock, loud laughter was leaving my lips as Wooyoung pretended to choke me.

“Somebody needs to do some damage control if—” Wooyoung glanced behind us, throwing a nod towards where Seonghwa and Hongjoong were standing, watching the scene unfold in amusement, “If the two authoritative figures just sit back and enjoy the show their fools put on for them!”

“I’m not a fool!” I said with laughter, grabbing Wooyoung’s arm to yank myself free. Wooyoung just stuck his tongue out before he loosened his hold and I pulled my head away, straightening up and holding my fists up in front of me in a challenge, “Come fight me, you fool.”

A dangerous glint appeared in Wooyoung’s eyes as he squared his shoulders back, taking up a fighting stance, fists in front of his face as I smirked at him, taking a step towards him. But before we could start a hand-to-hand combat, Yunho stepped in, pulling Wooyoung back by the shoulder, “Don’t you have something more useful to do? Jongho’s been glaring at you ever since you got off from your post so go do your job, pirate.”

Wooyoung scoffed but shook off Yunho’s hand from his shoulder, straightening his light jacket, before he looked at my best friend with disdain written over his features, “You can never take a joke, Yunho, hounding Y/N as if any of us would dare touch her inappropriately—”

“Get lost.” Yunho snapped before Wooyoung could finish his sentence and I tsked, walking up to Yunho and grabbing his hand. His fingers instantly intertwined with mine, a habit by now, as I wrapped my other hand around his bicep, slightly squeezing it.

“Be nice, Yunho,” I muttered as I jutted my lower lip out, looking at Wooyoung with an apologizing smile, “We were just playing around.”

“I know.” Yunho’s answer was quick, eyes meeting mine as I smiled at him sweetly.

“You know, my ass.” We heard Wooyoung mutter to himself as he stalked towards the shroud he was climbed up on previously, waving his hand at Jongho, who even high up in the sky, could be seen glaring at Wooyoung. I chuckled, knowing well that he was going to get an earful later for abandoning his post when they were navigating, setting the ship on the right track. My eyes left Wooyoung as I looked back at Yunho, who was already watching me, eyes soft and lips pulled in a small smile, his thumb suddenly caressing my knuckle. The action made me blush and I cleared my throat, looking away embarrassed.

“I have to start my own duties,” Yunho said as he leaned down slightly, to be eye level with me, throughout the years he continued growing meanwhile I stopped, the height difference between us quite big in the present, “Want to join me?”

I would’ve said yes, like I normally do, but my eyes fell on a body as she timidly made her way on the deck, eyes squinting at the harsh sunlight compared to how dim the lights were downstairs. The girl’s dress was relatively clean, but worn out a little, and her short hair was pulled in a low ponytail.

“I think I’ll stay here today, if you don’t mind.” I answered Yunho and he followed my line of sight, instantly understanding why I turned him down. He nodded and squeezed my hand before letting go, his body disappearing from mine as he walked away, headed underneath the deck. I missed the proximity of his body, his familiar scent which was comforting, but I pushed those thoughts aside as I approached the only other female on the ship with us. The pirates were watching her closely, curiously, however, Hongjoong didn’t look very pleased at the sight of her. He was against the idea of San keeping her, but he couldn’t do much when his Master-at-arms threatened to leave the crew behind if the presence of Ara was denied on Hongjoong’s ship. San was somebody I wasn’t very fond of, nor on good terms with. We were cordial to each other, could hold a pleasant conversation if in the mood, but we stayed out of each other’s business. Mainly because I knew what his business consisted of. I couldn’t do anything about the trafficking that went down, and I hated it. I hated seeing women imprisoned on our ship, getting sold off to heaven knows what types of horrible men. Hongjoong, San, and I have had many arguments about it, but in the end, I had to understand and learn that it was none of my concerns, that I just had to pretend that I knew nothing about it if I wanted to stay on this ship with Yunho. And for Yunho, I’d do anything.

“Hello.” I said softly, walking up to the petite girl, who jumped when she heard my voice, “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

She looked at me, her big, round eyes, staring at me with shock in them, before her eyebrows furrowed, “You’re a woman.”

I chuckled and nodded my head, “But you’re dressed in pirate clothes.”

I said nothing as I watched her connect the dots herself, a slightly hostile expression overtaking her face. I knew what she was thinking and I looked away, gulping, hoping she’d understand, “I’m a pirate, yeah. And I’m a woman, yes. I—”

I felt the need to tell her, to let her know that I hated what San did to her, and many more women, just as much as she did, “I couldn’t help—no, I’m not allowed to interfere with anyone else’s business on this ship, so I am sorry.”

Disappointment coated her expression before understanding washed over her. This girl was an open book, her expressions so telling of her feelings. Her big eyes shone with emotion and it felt like you stared into her soul each time you looked her in the eyes. She was beautiful, and her energy was fiery, simmering, and if challenged, it would burst. I have heard about how she tried to run away, save herself from getting sold and Mingi would’ve lost a few limbs if Yunho didn’t step in and tell San to back off when they made it back to the ship, yet this girl, she stood proud and stared San down with spite, promising to rain hell on him in front of the whole crew. That night, Yunho has held me tightly against his chest, when we went to bed, and promised to only treat me with respect and adoration. I knew that already, but I knew how much he hated San for what he did, so I just kissed his forehead and reassured him that I knew I was safe with him.

“My name is Im Ara.” The girl, Ara, introduced herself and extended her hand for me. I shook it instantly, smiling at her, glad that she accepted me.

“I’m Bae Y/N.” I introduced myself and Ara hummed, letting go of my hand as hers clasped behind her back, shoulders pulled back, “We don’t often see you on deck…”

Ara looked off in the distance, eyes lost on the sea as she nodded. She’s been here for two weeks already, and this was the second time I have seen her. I was worried for her, but I knew asking San about anything would result in an argument, so I just let the thought go, “It’s nice to get fresh air, even if it’s salty and the wind is cold.”

“Are you cold?” I asked with furrowed eyebrows, about to take off to grab my jacket from Seonghwa’s side, but Ara shook her head with a smile.

“No, it feels nice. It gets too hot in San—” She gulped, as if disgusted by having to say his name, “In San’s room. It’s small for two people and you can’t really open the window, or at least San won’t let me.”

I hummed, listening to her, sensing that she needed someone to talk to. I could feel eyes on us, and when I glanced up, Seonghwa was watching us with a sad look on his face. He tried to convince San to let her go the day they returned, but San was having none of it, pockets and a bag filled with coins and gold, “I’m not supposed to be here, actually, but I snuck out.”

A mischievous smile appeared on Ara’s lips as she chuckled, turning her head to look at me, “He fell asleep while I was glaring at him. He thought I was curious about his childhood just because I bandaged him up after he kept hissing and getting frustrated at himself for not being able to do it himself.”

Yes, that did sound like San. He rarely asked for help, usually closing himself inside his room, only when things were getting too hard or serious would he ask for help. And it was usually Yeosang the one he sought out, or Hongjoong, who seemed the most willing to form any kind of bond with the mercenary.

“Just be careful with San,” I couldn’t help but warn her, afraid for her safety next to that unpredictable man, “He’s ruthless.”

“I know.” Ara said, suddenly a smile creeping up on her lips, “But I can also be scary, he should’ve just sold me off when he had the chance.”

There it was, the little simmer turning into a fire in her eyes as she looked determined, a secret promise probably to herself glimmering in her eyes before it was all gone, blinking around curiously, taking in what was happening around her for the first time, “I could never climb up there.”

She said as she watched Jongho, then Wooyoung, who was dangling upside down from the shroud as of now, laughing loudly as Hongjoong noticed and took off from his post, eyebrows pulled in a frown, expression tired but angry as he stormed towards the younger one, who was getting yelled at by Jongho too. I couldn’t help but laugh as I heard Seonghwa sigh loudly from above, going to the wheel, taking Hongjoong’s place as Ara hid her mouth behind her palms as Wooyoung tried to climb up higher when Hongjoong drew his sword out in a warning manner, making me laugh as Ara started giggling as well.

“They might be men, but at the heart, they are still just a bunch of children.” I said with a shake of my head and Ara seemed amused as she looked at me, nodding in agreement.

“What’s your job on this ship?” She asked curiously.

“I fix up the ship if it’s damaged and improve it whenever I have new ideas, Yeosang usually helps out. And I also stay by Yunho’s side, mostly helping with whatever he needs or can’t do.” I answered Ara and she hummed, suddenly a look of sadness crossing her features.

“I’m only here to rot away, my beautiful future stolen away.” She muttered, mostly to herself, before looking past me, “I was supposed to become a famous singer. I’m good for nothing else, I can’t cook well, and I’m clumsy too, I often disassociate from the real world, especially when it gets too much or I’m feeling bored. It keeps me going, but here…not even those are helping. I feel useless and helpless. San won’t let me do anything either, he just locks me up in his room when he leaves, and if he’s there, he just antagonizes me with his presence.”

I felt bad for her as I watched her eyes glass over with tears, making me feel useless too in the moment. That is, until I realized I could help her out with something little. Something that would come in handy too one day, “Do you want to learn how to fight?”

Ara’s eyes quickly fell on me, wide as she looked surprised by the question, “That’s not very ladylike.”

I nodded, agreeing with her, “It’s not very ladylike, but you’ll be able to protect yourself from anyone.”

From San. But I didn’t dare say that, even the walls had ears here, I didn’t want to start unnecessary drama. However, as if Ara read my mind, a small understanding look crossed her eyes and she nodded, looking very excited, “I should be able to do that, at least. Can you teach me?”

I smiled widely, motioning for her to follow me towards the centre of the deck, where we had more space, “Of course, I can. We’ll start with something simple today and I’ll teach you more once you master the new skills.”

“Alright, let’s do that.” Ara nodded as I took my sword off, not wanting it to get in the way of our training. We’d focus on simple self-defence today, and if she was good, then perhaps I’ll show her how to handle a dagger.

Moreover, Ara proved herself to be quite good, catching onto things fast as she copied my moves quickly, and only struggled a few times here and there. She could easily free herself from a chokehold now, whether the attacker was holding her from the back or was keeping her in a headlock. Ara seemed to enjoy our little training session, giggling whenever my fingers accidentally brushed against her neck, ticklish. Yunho, once done with his duties in the supply room, had come up on deck and watched as I trained Ara. He’d throw in tips for her, guide her when she seemed lost by the way I was holding her, not knowing how to free herself. She asked if we could have a duel, with swords, but I told her she needed more training for that to happen as she was already tired from just an hour of learning self-defence. But she kept insisting, so I gave in at last, handing her Yunho’s dagger as I held my own in my hand. Yunho had gone off, discussing the sailing plans with Hongjoong and Jongho, Wooyoung probably gone to cook us dinner, with the help of Yeosang and Mingi. Seonghwa was sailing the boat, eyes lost as he gazed at the dark sea, clutching his compass tightly in his free hand. If I wouldn’t have been busy with Ara, I would have approached him and comforted him, knowing what type of thoughts clouded his mind when he looked so unfocused.

“Hold it like this,” I said as Ara and I stood side by side, holding the handle of the dagger in my open palm, “and then…flip it.”

Ara watched as I flipped the dagger with my middle, and ring finger, and pinkie, gripping it firmly in a stabbing hold. Ara’s eyes widened slightly before she quickly got to work, slowly trying to do what I did a second ago, the dagger almost falling out of her hand. I watched as she tried again, clumsily flipping it before she puffed frustrated, and then did it again and again, the action getting smoother with each try.

“You’re quite good at this, Ara.” I praised with an excited chuckle, her eyes shining with joy at my compliment, raising her hand and doing it again flawlessly, ready to stab anyone.

“Will you teach me how to stab someone?” She sounded too excited in spite of having asked something so dark, and her demeanour slightly faltered when she realized, grimacing at me, but I just chuckled and shook my head at her. I wasn’t new to violence nor, unfortunately, having to kill someone.

“I think it’s too soon, you barely got to hold a dagger.” I winked at her but grabbed her wrist still, standing behind her, and guiding her hand how to slash someone without killing them, “If you do it like that, you won’t kill them, but you certainly will leave a nasty gash on their skin.”

“Good.” Ara whispered to herself, eyebrows slightly furrowed, probably forgetting that I could hear her since I was leaning over her. I released her wrist and stepped back, opening my mouth to tell her that we were done for today, how I should check if Yunho needs me for anything before going to the kitchen to help Wooyoung, another helping hand always needed down there. But before any sound could leave my lips, someone’s shout halted what everyone was previously doing.

“Ara!” It was San, his deep voice unmistakable, as I turned around to see him storming towards us. Ara tensed, grip tightening around the dagger, as she whirled around, hiding her hand behind her back, “What are you doing?!”

San’s eyebrows were deeply furrowed and he looked furious as he stopped just an inch away from her, glaring down at Ara. I expected her to shrink back underneath his intimidating gaze, but Ara just straightened her back and raised her head so that she could look into his eyes.

“None of your business—”

“It is my business.” San cut her off and his eyes momentarily glanced my way before he looked back at Ara. Yunho was watching us closely, but when I shook my head at him subtly, he returned his attention onto the conversation he was having with Hongjoong and Jongho, knowing very well that I could handle myself. And that San wasn’t actually a threat to me, he wouldn’t explicitly hurt me. He couldn’t. Unless he wanted to die.

“I’ll only ask once more, Ara, what are you doing?” San’s voice dropped an octave, face going blank as his sharp eyes bore into Ara’s, who just smirked back at him and slowly revealed her hand holding the dagger.

“I was learning how to defend myself while you were sleeping, San.” She said his name with spite, lips stretching into a wide smirk when San’s jaw clenched, hands balling up into fists. He was fuming, it was very obvious as his mask slipped for a second. He glanced down at the dagger Ara was holding in her hand and suddenly his head snapped in my direction, and if his glare could kill, I would be dead right now. I stood my ground and raised my eyebrows at him nonchalantly.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” San’s voice was levelled, but the way his jaw kept clenching and unclenching was a tell-tale sign he was on the verge of bursting from his anger.

“Considering the fact that she’s on a ship full of men, I deemed it necessary she learns how to defend herself,” I answered San, taking a step towards him, but still keeping a respectful distance between us, “in case someone tries doing something to her.”

In case you try doing something to her, San. But I didn’t have to say that out loud, the implication hanging heavily in the air between us as Ara’s lip trembled for a second before she quickly composed herself as San’s gaze snapped back to her. He grabbed her wrist harshly and my hands twitched, wanting to yank his hold off her, but knew better to not touch San unless I wanted to lose my fingers.

“Don’t think you can use any of the shit Y/N taught you against me, Ara,” San sneered, Ara hissing as she abruptly released the dagger, San’s fingers digging into her skin, “You’ll be dead before you can even grab a weapon.”

“I’d rather try and die than continue living with you.” Ara spat back and whined as her free hand went to grip San’s wrist, which was squeezing her too hard. My eyebrows furrowed and I decided that I couldn’t just stand there and watch him hurt her.

“Let go of her, San.” My voice was stern, eyes steely as they bore into the side of his head, making San scoff as his blazing eyes set on me.

“Shut up, Y/N,” He hissed, releasing Ara as he closed in on me, I wasn’t scared of him, “You know she wishes for nothing more than my death and yet you teach her how to fight?! How to yield a dagger?!”

I chuckled and nodded, “Yes, because her life was taken away by you. Because you never gave her a chance…or any of the other women you sold. Because you think you can get away with everything, thinking your sins will be forgiven, but San—they will never be, not by me, and not by the gods watching over us.”

“There’s no such thing as gods and sins, Y/N,” San chuckled, watching me arrogantly, “So you can keep on wishing for my demise, praying, because it will never happen.”

“Why are you so sure?” I raised one eyebrow, glancing behind him to watch Ara for a second, who was slightly shaking, but looked grateful that I was taking her side, “I wouldn’t have so much fate in myself if I were you, you’re human, and you are vincible.”

“Ara isn’t strong enough to hurt me—”

“Don’t underestimate her because she’s a woman.” I snapped, voice slightly raising as I got triggered, knowing very well how San viewed women, “She’ll be your doom, San, you should’ve let her go when you had the chance.”

“And you should mind your own fucking business,” San hissed, getting all up in my face, his breath hitting my cheeks as we stared each other down, “How many times did Hongjoong tell you to leave me alone?”

I scoffed, irritated, “You think I can ignore the fact that you traffic women when I’m a woman myself?!”

I knew I was getting louder, but so was San, attracting some looks from the pirates who were lounging around on the deck, probably waiting for dinnertime, “You, a woman…perhaps you should act more like it—oh, well, you are getting quite emotional over nothing—”

“Your insults mean nothing.” I cut him off, glaring at him viciously, teeth grinding against each other, “I have zero care about how you view me, your opinion is not important.”

“Exactly,” San chuckled, “your opinion means nothing to me either, so I don’t see why you’re always all up in my business, trying to sabotage me.”

I could see movement from where Hongjoong, Jongho, and Yunho were huddled together, but I didn’t take my eyes off San, breaking eye contact right now would mean defeat.

“I think you sabotaged yourself this time, San,” I said with a chuckle and grabbed his shoulder, “I’ll make sure to teach Ara all the important arteries and how to cut them—”

“Do just that,” His voice was daring, bearing a promise, a threat, “And I’ll snap your neck in half.”

But his threat meant nothing to me, knowing very well the second he touched me, despite being a precious asset to Hongjoong, San would be dead in seconds. Yunho would never allow him to breathe for a second longer if he took my life. But Ara didn’t know all that and she quickly shook her head, taking a few steps towards us, hesitant, but determined to get San to calm down, to forget all about it. And just as I wanted to reassure her and push San away since his hand was raising to grab me by the neck, he was gone from in front of me, my own grip disappearing from his shoulder.

“What did you just say?” Yunho seethed as he held San by the collar, their noses almost touching as San rolled his eyes dramatically, acting nonchalant all of a second just to piss off Yunho more.

“Oh, no, are you going to snap my neck in half now?” He taunted, jutting his lips out as he glanced at me with a smirk before looking back at Yunho, “How sickening. I suppose this happens when a bitch has you wrapped around her fingers—”

San couldn’t finish his sentence as Yunho punched his jaw so hard the shorter one lost balance as his body was thrown to the right. My eyes widened, Ara gasping next to me, as Hongjoong was by our side in a second, mouth opened to yell at them to stop, but Yunho grabbed San by the collar again and suddenly started dragging him, San having not quite recovered from the punch yet. What was Yunho doing?! My heart picked up as I watched him bend San over the railing, pushing him just enough that if San even as much as flinched, he’d fall overboard. Into the cold sea. Swallowed by the deadly waves.

“Jeong Yunho!” Hongjoong’s harsh voice rung out loudly, everyone by now watching the scene unfold. Ara grabbed my wrist and I brushed her grip off, not meaning to, but I didn’t know how to react. Yunho has never punched any of the crewmates. Despite our differences, everyone was always cordial, nice, to the others, accepting them the way they were. I’ve seen Yunho angry before, but never with eyes that could kill. His body wasn’t shaking, but his anger was so strong you could see it radiating off him. Hongjoong shouted his name again, but it fell to deaf ears as Yunho bared his teeth at San, who was gripping the railing so hard his knuckled had turned white.

“If you threaten my woman ever again or dare touch her, I won’t hesitate to kill you, Choi San.” Yunho’s deep voice boomed as he hissed at San, “Know your place, pirate.”

Despite being in such a vulnerable position, where just a light push from Yunho could end his life, San started laughing loudly, maniacally, as if what Yunho had just said was the funniest thing in the four seas and four kingdoms, “Your woman!”

His voice travelled over the water, ringing loudly, and I bit my lower lip as I felt the eyes of the other pirates on me. Seonghwa had come down from the quarterdeck and was walking very slowly towards Yunho, prepared to haul him and San away from the railing as Hongjoong silently nodded at him approvingly. My heart was thundering in my chest by now, a bile rising to my throat as I felt sick as San continued taunting Yunho for no reason, “You call her your woman, Yunho, yet you aren’t even man enough to make her yours, you fucking pathetic idiot!”

San’s words felt like a dagger thrown into my own heart and I let out a shuddered breath, face flaming at his words, hating that such topic was being discussed in front of so many people. It was nobody’s business what Yunho and I did in private, especially when we’ve been friends for over fifteen years now, not even one inappropriate touch from him. Perhaps I wished for him to just finally give in and act upon his desires, perhaps I wished San was wrong with his insinuation, perhaps I wished I wasn’t so irrevocably in love with Yunho. Perhaps I wished it wasn’t so obvious to everyone around us as we remained so oblivious of the other’s true feelings. Sometimes it hurt, but sometimes it felt so good. So warm and safe. So stable and comforting. But sometimes it was so scary, it felt like I was drowning. The thought of there being the possibility of losing him one day, of losing a part of myself, creating a void in my heart never to be filled again by anything. So, when I saw Seonghwa almost by Yunho’s side, who’s whole body started shaking as he was on the verge of breaking, I screamed.

“Yunho!” My voice was shrill, panicked, scared, “Stop! Please.”

His whole body froze, as if he was reminded that I was still there, seeing everything, hearing everything. Seonghwa flinched away as San was hauled backwards, sent to the floor roughly as Yunho yanked him away from the railing, hands fisting at his sides as he didn’t glance my way. He stared at the ground, shaking his head in probably shame and disappointment, before he stormed off, feet hitting the floorboards heavily. Hongjoong sighed loudly and long next to me, jaw clenched as he glared down at San, who just sprawled out on the floor, chuckling to himself quietly. I couldn’t help but stare at him with hatred, my body burning, wishing I could throw him overboard too.

“You’re a fucking asshole, San,” Hongjoong hissed at him as he went and grabbed the man’s collar, hauling him up from the floor, “Stay out of my sight today and tomorrow if you want to live.”

“Ai, Captain, ai!” San saluted mockingly, even bowing his head as he started laughing, before he straightened back up and took off towards the stairs leading under the deck, towards our private quarters.

“Don’t make me come and get you, Ara.” He singsonged, glancing at the girl from the corner of his eyes, his expression scaring me for the first time. He was laughing, but his eyes were filled with a burning want to kill, so easy to read them. My heart clenched as Ara suck in a harsh breath next to me before very slowly she started walking towards him, hiding her trembling hands behind her. If anything happens to her today, it’s my fault. I did all of this. I started it. I shouldn’t have meddled with her, what if she dies? What if she dies because I was stupid—

“Y/N,” Seonghwa’s soft voice invaded my ears, interrupting my thoughts, “Look at me.”

I looked away from San and Ara just as she got to his side, and he grabbed her by the nape as he veered her down the stairs, “It’s not your fault. Stop thinking, I can see it in your eyes. Nothing happened.”

I shook my head and bit my lower lip as I felt tears in my eyes, “I fucked everything up.”

“You didn’t,” Seonghwa whispered and he pulled me into a tight hug, hiding my face in his chest as I started crying, “You did nothing wrong. San won’t touch Ara, trust me, she’s safe for now. He’ll calm down and act a little hostile towards you and Yunho, but that’s nothing new. And Yunho will be fine, you know he always is, he just needs time to clear his thoughts and analyse his actions. Trust him and your bond, alright?”

I didn’t want to answer him verbally, so I just nodded my head, sniffing as Seonghwa patted my head, Hongjoong passing by us with a loud sigh, shouting at the rest of the pirates to get back to their duties, the freakshow over. Yunho will come around, he always does. He needs to.

Up until dinner I haven’t seen Yunho again, he had seemed to disappear without a trace, and I knew trying to find him would put him on edge, so I sucked it up, and helped Wooyoung with cooking dinner instead. I wasn’t as talkative as usually and Mingi noticed, so he brought it up with a curious glance which made Yeosang mutter something to him that made the taller one shut up. I shouldn’t have been surprised that what happened up on the deck was already spreading around like wildfire, gossiping, was a vicious thing the pirates on this ship seemed to love doing. Yeosang didn’t pry as he looked at me with a comforting gaze, and I nodded wordlessly, glad that Wooyoung seemed oblivious to what’s happened only a few good minutes ago. He either didn’t know or he didn’t care, making me feel slightly better as he gave me a side hug, and then instructed me to cut up some carrots as Mingi kept messing it up, cutting them very uneven, making Wooyoung scold him multiple times. Yeosang remained quiet as he stirred the stew, asking questions here and there when he noticed I started losing focus, thoughts whirling in my head. My body was there with them, but my mind wasn’t thoroughly present, straying to thoughts about Yunho and where he could possibly be at. There weren’t many places he could hide away on this ship, but he somehow had found one spot where I could never find him. I had no idea where it was, I had tried to find him one time when we had a big argument and he disappeared for the day, but he was nowhere. I had the worst panic attack that evening and if it weren’t for Seonghwa and Yeosang, I might’ve choked from the lack of air. The boys chatting brought me back to the present and Wooyoung’s eyebrows furrowed as he noticed the uncut carrot, raising his eyebrows at me questioningly. I just avoided his gaze and continued cutting, trying to stay present as the hungry pirates came down complaining, asking Wooyoung when dinner would be ready. It didn’t take too long after that for the kitchen to fill up with the crew, Wooyoung’s tasty stew’s scent wafting in the air as Mingi helped him take down the big cauldron from the stove, Wooyoung shouting loudly for everyone to take their seats. The crew dug into their dinner like some hungry sea creatures, a satisfied smile on Wooyoung’s face as he sat down to my left, bumping his shoulder with mine in a small thanking gesture. I flashed him a smile, which I knew didn’t look very genuine, but he ignored it as he ate his own portion. My appetite was gone and the empty seat to my left was a screaming reminder of today’s happenings. I sighed loudly as my head hung low, gaining Seonghwa’s attention from across me.

“Hey,” He called out softly, the loud chatter of the pirates almost drowning his voice out. I looked up, tired, as I tried to swallow the stew in my mouth. It tasted better than anything I have eaten in any of the four kingdoms, yet my stomach just refused to take it in. My throat slightly closed up on me and I almost choked as my eyes slightly widened, “Don’t push yourself, Y/N.”

I grabbed my cup filled with water and quickly washed down the stew with it, it slightly helped, “I’ll put aside your and Yunho’s portion for tomorrow, you can go to sleep if you want to.”

My eyes filled with tears a bit as I nodded, Wooyoung’s eyes on me as he looked at us confused, “Where’s Yunho? And why are you not eating? Something happened?”

Seonghwa nodded and with a scrutinizing look, and Wooyoung got the memo to shut up for now, “Yunho’s in your room, Y/N, I saw him entering when I came down for dinner.”

My heart halted for a second before it sped up and I nodded, wiping my mouth with a handkerchief, “Thank you, Seonghwa. Dinner is very tasty, Wooyoung, I just don’t have an appetite right now.”

Wooyoung eyed me for a second before he nodded, watching me get to my feet as I waved at Seonghwa and him, scurrying away to my room. To Yunho’s room. To our room. I was nervous, I didn’t know if Yunho wanted to see me or if he wanted to talk to me, but I couldn’t go on ignoring him, pretending that my thoughts weren’t eating me up whole. I felt horrible for what happened earlier and I knew Yunho blamed himself for it, beating himself up for something he wasn’t guilty of. Given it more thought, it was San’s fault. All of it. He shouldn’t have overreacted and created a scene. Ara had the right to know how to defend herself, and like he said, she wouldn’t be able to take him down just yet, so I truly couldn’t wrap my mind around San’s desperate anger. Perhaps I gave Ara a flicker of hope, and that was dangerous, but I saw how badly she needed it.

I knocked on the door as I arrived to our room, sucking in a deep breath when Yunho said nothing, knowing it was me. I pushed the door open slowly, peering inside before walking in. Yunho was standing before our desk, a few parchments of paper unruled as he read over the words jutted down with ink. His body tensed when I greeted quietly, walking further inside and shutting the door behind myself. Yunho said nothing, just threw a small glance my way, before going back to his lists. He was writing down what we needed to get once we hit land, our ammunition running low as well as our fresh water. I walked to our closet and opened it, divided equally so that we’d both have space for our clothes. The left side was mine and the right was his. Our clothes neatly folded and organized carefully. I had a tendency to over organize things, it was probably one of the few reasons why Yunho didn’t take me down to the supply room when I was feeling antsy. On those days, I’d clean the whole deck and everyone’s room as it was the only thing which helped me calm down. I grabbed my nightgown and quickly undressed myself, struggling with the straps of the cloth wrapped around my torso. I had to reach around my middle to undo it, which was straining my shoulder, and if it were any other day, I would’ve asked for Yunho’s help, but I knew he was keeping his distance. We always offered privacy to the other when we were changing, our backs to each other, but Yunho’s body was too stiff, shoulders pulled back and head hung low as he didn’t sit down in the chair. I successfully unclasped the strap and unwrapped the fabric from my body, letting a content sigh out loudly, my muscles finally relaxing. I have never gotten quite used to the way it tightly hung around my torso, pulling on the skin, barely showing anything off to the prying eyes. The crew might know that I am a woman, but I do not want them to fix their hungry gazes on me, eating me up with their eyes as I were a meal. I hated it with my whole soul. I hated how San had looked at me the first time he had realized I was a woman, wheels turning in his head, eyebrows raising subtly as he took in my body, probably calculating how much I was worth if he were to sell me off. Yunho had stepped between us, sensing my discomfort and knowing San well enough, so with a nudge of his head he sent San away, the younger man smirking to himself before he made eye contact with me again, tauntingly. I shook my head at the memory and quickly pulled the nightgown over my head, pushing my leather pants off and taking my socks off too. Yunho was still silent, too silent.

I cleared my throat as I folded my pants, glancing behind me, “Are you writing the supply list?”

It was a dumb question, we both knew he was doing just that, but I needed him to speak to me. The quiet stretched between us as my body tensed, desperate for Yunho to just talk to me.

“Yes.” His answer was curt, but at least he answered. His voice held no emotion and I closed my eyes for a second before I placed my pants in the wardrobe, closing the door of it. I didn’t know what to say next. Usually, we’d talk about whatever that has happened during our day, random thoughts which came to our mind and whatever crazy things we did while we were younger, reminiscing on the past. But tonight, I didn’t know what to bring up. I wanted us to talk about what has happened, but I knew it would send Yunho away. I couldn’t fall asleep if I knew he was angry because of me.

“You didn’t come down for dinner.” I opted to say, walking next to him, stopping a respectable distance away. Yet, it made Yunho stiffen as he clumsily grabbed a parchment and walked away, towards where the small window was. The single candle burning on the desk didn’t provide enough light to lit up the whole room, Yunho couldn’t see anything on his parchment there.

“I wasn’t hungry.” Yunho answered, eyebrows furrowing as he brought the parchment closer to his face.

“You can’t see anything over there, Yunho.” I sighed out, leaning against the desk. His jaw clenched and he hummed, before very reluctantly, he walked back beside me, but kept a huge distance between us, even bringing out the chair, but not sitting down on it. I wanted to scoff and roll my eyes, but I bit my tongue and just watched him, eyebrows slightly furrowing.

“You didn’t stay for too long at dinner.” Yunho pointed out absentmindedly, eyes never leaving the parchment as he picked up his pen and scribbled something down on the parchment. I was half convinced he was just doodling nonsense down on it at this point.

“I didn’t have an appetite.” I answered quietly, looking down at the floor, when suddenly his eyes raised and stopped on me. I felt small under Yunho’s scrutinizing gaze, eyes drinking me in before he shook his head and he averted his gaze, slamming the parchment down on the desk. I flinched and looked at him wide eyed, noticing the way his eyebrows were pulled together. He turned around and walked to the closet, his steps harsh, and threw the door open. He pulled out a clean shirt and some short pants, which I had cut for him, and started undressing himself. I quickly turned around and gulped as I walked to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it, gripping the sheets tightly. Something angered him, but I didn’t know what. I hated it when he didn’t talk to me, when he didn’t tell me what the problem was. I somewhat knew what it was, but I wanted him to say it out loud. I wanted us to discuss it.

“You shouldn’t starve yourself, Y/N—” I looked up sharply at him, eyebrows furrowed as I opened my mouth to shut down his assumption, but Yunho was turned towards me, shirtless, and his pants hanging low on his hips. In the golden glow of the candlelight, his tan skin was glowing, his dark wavy hair falling over his forehead messily and his veins bulged as they travelled up from his hands to his arms. His body was toned, muscles well-defined from having to carry so many barrels almost daily and the continuous sparing sessions. I knew I wasn’t supposed to look, to stare at him so shamelessly, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Yunho looked radiant. I was breathless, but quickly realized what I was doing, and tore my eyes off him as I stared at the wall to my right. Yunho remained frozen for a few minutes as I gathered my thoughts, embarrassed.

“I’m not starving myself, Yunho,” I mumbled with a sigh, cheeks flushed, “I just wasn’t able to eat anything tonight.” Because I didn’t know where you were. Because I didn’t know what you were doing, what you were thinking. Because I didn’t know when you’d open up yourself again to me. There were so many things I wished to say to him, but I knew it would only drive him away even more.

“You let your mood influence you too much.” His words were sharp, as if he was lecturing me. That was rich coming from him.

“You are the one to talk,” I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I couldn’t help it as I raised my eyebrows at him, “when you run off hiding at the smallest inconvenience.”

Why was I bringing this up? Why was I starting a fight? This is not what I wanted. I just wanted Yunho to smile again and forget everything San has said to him.

“I don’t run off.” Yunho snapped, nose flaring as he threw the shirt around his shoulders, “I don’t hide, I just—I need time. To cool off. To sort out my thoughts.”

“And you leave me standing there like an idiot each time you do that, worrying—” My throat closed in on me as Yunho’s eyes watched me sharply, the fire in them burning me up against my own will, “Worrying when you’ll acknowledge me again. Worrying whether you’ll push me away for good this time. You’re always doing this, Yunho, always.”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you!” His answer came quickly as his eyebrows furrowed and I chuckled humourlessly, licking my lips annoyed.

“Yet you always hurt me when you do that.” My response was quick, quiet, but I knew it was sharp. I knew it was the last thing Yunho intended to do, and I knew he hated it when he made me feel like that. His cold façade crumbled for a second, and I saw it in his eyes, the guilt eating him up alive, the helplessness he felt; but it was quickly gone, face morphing into a frown. I scoffed and stood up.

“What are you afraid of, Yunho?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. There was an edge to my voice, a challenge, “Why do you always run off? Why do you always push me away?”

Yunho shook his head, face pulling into a grimace as I walked closer to him, his eyes falling on the floor. His body was tense, defensive, as he tried to button up his shirt, jaw clenched, “Why do you never let me see you?”

“Because—” Yunho’s voice rose an octave before he steadied himself, shaking his head, trying to compose himself, “Because I will say things I will regret. Because I will do things I will regret. I don’t think straight when I’m angry, Y/N, I’m—I’m impulsive and I don’t want to do something that I will hurt you with. I care—I care for you deeply and I want to keep you safe, and I want to protect you, but sometimes—sometimes I’m the one who you need to stay away from.”

“Bullshit.” I spat, eyebrows furrowing as I stalked close to him stopping merely inches from his body, shaking my head disapprovingly, “You would never hurt me willingly, Yunho. If only you stopped running away, we could talk things out. I don’t want to constantly wonder where you are and what you are doing, it’s draining.”

“I am hurting you right now by not being honest!” Yunho snapped, wide eyes staring at me, more to his words, as he bit his lower lip. His eyes strayed from my face, down to my lips, my neck, and collarbones peeking out from underneath my nightgown, stopping on the mess of curls on top of my head. There was something dark in his gaze, surfacing like he’s been suppressing it for long, hidden somewhere deep inside his mind, never to see the light of day. His body was warm, drawing me in, pulling me closer. My breath hitched as he licked his lips again, his eyes on my own lips, breathing irregular. My heart pounded against my ribcage, palms sweaty as I gripped my nightgown, a yearning so grave overtaking my sense I could barely stay rooted to my place.

“You just have to say it, Yunho, you know that,” I whispered, eyelids fluttering as he let out a harsh breath, hitting my face, “I won’t say no.”

“That’s the problem.” His voice was deep as he muttered, jaw clenched as his fingers twitched beside him.

“If we both want it—” I gulped, hesitant but daring as my hand reached out, finger hooking with his, the touch sending an electric shock through my body, “There’s no problem at hand, Yunho, if we both want it. San—” It was disgusting to utter his name in such scenario, but for once in his life that man had said something true, something right, “San was right about one thing. You could—you could make me your woman, and I would want that, Yunho, I really do.”

I was conscious of what I had just confessed to. The love I harboured for Yunho has for long not been platonic. I pushed it to the deepest darkest place in my mind, scared of Yunho’s reaction if he ever were to know, but I just couldn’t help it. Not when he was looking back at me with the same look in his eyes as mine, burning anything in its way, yearning for something more we could so easily have. Yunho’s breath hitched as my words sunk deeper in his mind, mouth falling slightly open as his finger squeezed mine harshly as he intertwined our fingers, palm pressed against palm. This simple touch said so much, it wanted so much more, it was pleading for more. But Yunho’s next words just left my heart sinking into my stomach, trying to convey the disappointment from my eyes.

“I can’t, Y/N, I just can’t.” He whispered, hanging his head low as he sucked in a deep breath, “You are so precious to me, I could—I could never lay a finger on you and taint you. I just—I can’t allow myself to ruin you. Not when I can have you like this next to me for the rest of my life. When I know I love you and you love me back just as much. When I know you’re my best friend, the only person I can wholeheartedly trust and cherish. I don’t want to lose what we have now.”

His words felt like a knife was pushed down my chest, ripping my skin apart, leaving an open wound. The rocking of the ship knocked me off balance as my legs momentarily seemed to lose force, but before Yunho could catch me, I pulled my hand from his and stumbled back, needing the distance. He didn’t want me the same way I wanted him. He would never love me the way I wanted him to love me. He was too good to use me for his own selfish needs. If he wanted to, he would’ve already. My body trembled from the sudden drop of temperature as I walked to our bed, sitting down and pulling the covers back. The dreaded void was back in my chest, I had to swallow multiple times to fight the tears back from my eyes. It was alright. I could live with having Yunho the way I always had him. I could live with loving him like a best friend should. I could live on like I always had up until tonight. It was fine. I pulled the covers over my body as I shifted closer to the wooden wall, turning my back to Yunho as I curled up in a ball, squeezing my eyes shut and willing my brain to shut up, the voices going away in just mere seconds. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t want to speak. And as I heard Yunho shuffle around in the room for a few more seconds, I succumbed to nothingness, allowing the darkness to pull me in.

Some mornings were easier than others, some gloomier, and some more energetic. Sometimes the bed was too comfortable to get out, too warm and smelling like your favourite person in the world, but still, duty called. It waited for you and you had no other choice. My eyes were closed as I shifted slightly around, stretching my left arm over my head as I mumbled mindlessly, brain foggy with sleep as I wasn’t quite awake yet. Today was a gloomier morning, when sleep didn’t quite want to let me go, dreams painting my mind. And a feather like brush against my shoulder made it even harder to open my eyes. The sensation kept going as it brushed against my collarbone, lightly nipping at the skin as I felt the hotness of another human looming over me, so close, but not entirely touching me. A shuddered breath left my lips as a kiss was pressed between the juncture of my neck and shoulder, body tingling with a sensation so familiar yet so unknown. I hummed as the lips pressed firmer against my skin, on the side of my neck as I turned my head to the left to leave more space for the attacker, left hand coming down and tangling into soft waves of kinky hair. The fog had started slowly lifting from my mind, eyebrows softly furrowing at the flush overtaking my whole body as a soft moan left my lips, when a pair of lips pressed against a particular spot harder, fingers gripping onto hair harder. My eyes fluttered open at last, staring at the wooden wall, breathing hitched as my body reacted to the ministrations done to it, until the fog completely disappeared. Until I froze, until I felt lips nipping against my jawline. My fingers untangled from Yunho’s wavy hair and I scrambled to sit up, eyes wide and breathing uneven as Yunho and I’s heads almost knocked together. He stared at me surprised, as if he didn’t understand why I reacted the way I did, as if waking up to your best friend kissing all over your body was normal. As if he didn’t just confess last night that he only saw me as his best friend, forever.

“Stop.” I croaked out, voice hoarse and heavy with sleep as my lips slightly trembled, “You can’t do that, Yunho.”

He looked hurt as he scooted away slightly, warmth disappearing with him as I threw the covers off myself, clumsily getting out of bed, “We’re friends.”

Yunho looked offended hearing that, I didn’t understand why, “Friends don’t kiss each other like that, Yunho. We need to set new boundaries, because this isn’t working anymore. You’re a man and I’m a woman. Our minds, and bodies, aren’t that of children anymore.”

Yunho’s eyes flashed with hurt at my words, but what he didn’t know was that I felt the same way when he told me those things last night. That I still felt like my heart was stomped into nothing last night. I turned my back to him, something I hated doing, as I walked to the wardrobe and took my clothes out for the day, “From now on, I’ll change in the washroom. You can do it in here while I’m gone.”

Before Yunho could say anything, I stormed off, blinking away the tears in my eyes, ignoring the yearning and the suffocating feeling in my throat, the harsh pounding of my heart. If he wanted us to be best friends, we needed a new set of boundaries established.

After having changed into presentable clothes for the day, I walked to the kitchen, having been to my room previously, but Yunho was gone by then. I pushed the anxiety of not knowing where he was down as I opened the door to the kitchen, surprised to see Ara standing by the stove, frowning deeply at it. I approached her and cleared my throat, not wanting to startle her. She glanced behind her and relaxed when she saw it was just me.

“Good morning.” I greeted her and stopped by the sink, watching her.

“Morning.” She muttered quietly, eyes still on the stove as if she was having a silent battle with it, “I give up!”

My eyebrows rose as I watched her confused, a bowl of scrambled eggs sitting on the unlit stove. Putting two and two together, I chuckled and approached her, lightly pushing her out of the way. I grabbed a match and lit it, lighting up the fireplace for Ara.

“That’s how you do it…” She muttered to herself and nodded at me in thanks, placing her eggs on the stove. As she wasn’t paying attention to me, I allowed myself to take in the other woman, eyes running over her face and any exposed skin carefully, looking for signs of any abuse or manhandling from San. But her skin was flawless, looked untouched. Perhaps I wasn’t as subtle as I thought I was, because Ara glanced at me from the corner of her eyes.

“He didn’t touch me,” She muttered, focusing on cooking her breakfast, “if that’s what you’re looking for. San hasn’t—he hasn’t even looked my way since yesterday. When I woke up, he was gone and the door was wide open. I don’t know what that means, but I took my chance and came here to cook myself some breakfast. I didn’t eat dinner last night.”

“Do you want my portion of stew?” I asked as Ara looked at me surprised, her eyes filling with tears.

“No, no!” She quickly shut down my offer, stirring her eggs, “It’s fine, this will do.”

“But aren’t you hungry?” I asked confused, Ara smiled at me.

“Not that much, don’t worry.” She reassured me, chuckling, “I’m used to not eating much.”

“Why?” I asked curiously as I watched her turn off the stove. She took her eggs and walked to the long table, sitting down close to the end of it. I only came here to drink a cup of tea and see if Wooyoung had already woken up, I didn’t expect to see Ara here. Didn’t expect San to let her off so easily.

“I always tried to stay fit, not gain any weight.” Ara explained and my eyebrows furrowed as I went to take the kettle, then filled it with water.

“Why would you do that?” I asked genuinely confused and Ara chuckled as she glanced back at me.

“Because I was supposed to look pleasing to the eyes. Be pretty and well-kept.” Ara explained, voice heavy with melancholy, “I worked at an Inn, which barely paid me enough to keep a roof above my head, but perhaps it was my fault too for wishing for things I couldn’t afford. I realized early on in my childhood that sometimes I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not, getting lost in a world which is only in my head. And sometimes, I would think I could project that world into my reality, screwing myself over. To be honest, if San wouldn’t have kidnapped me, I would’ve probably been evicted sooner than latter from my little cottage.”

“Is that how you try to reassure yourself that you’re in a good place?” I asked accusingly, making Ara chuckle as I placed the kettle on the lit stove.

“God, no,” Ara shook her head, taking a bite of her breakfast, “I hate this place as much as I hate San. It’s grim, dirty, and full of smelly men—and rats! I saw one a few days ago, I wished to drop dead that exact second. I don’t deserve to be here surrounded by these people, no offense to you Y/N, you’re quite lovely, actually. But I know I was made for bigger things. Created to stand on a scene. Designed to be a star one day.”

I watched Ara a little confused, her eyes focusing on nothing as she seemed far away, lost in her own thoughts, “I always wanted to become a singer for the wealthy. To be known all around the four seas and four kingdoms, but then—then San took me, and it all shattered, a future slipped right through my fingers. I’ll never be known, nor a star. I will never sing for the Queen or the aristocrats. I will rot away on this ship surrounded by lowlifes and—rats.”

Ara’s voice choked up as suddenly tears started streaming down her face and she slightly choked on her food, making my heart clench in sadness for her. I sighed and walked over, sitting down next to her and placing an arm around her shoulders. She turned into me, crying into my neck as I rubbed her back soothingly, allowing her to feel safe, to let it all out.

“Do you miss singing?” I asked in a whisper when Ara slightly calmed down. She nodded wordlessly against my neck and I smiled, patting her brown hair down, “Would you like to sing tonight? We have an important mission tomorrow and I’m sure these pirates would enjoy a little show and let loose of their nerves.”

The kettle started whistling behind us and Ara pulled away, wiping her tears off her face, “And I have a pretty dress I never wore.”

“Really?” Ara’s eyes widened, watching me intrigued as I got up and walked back to the stove, turning it off.

“It’s royal blue.” Ara’s eyes sparkled with joy, something I haven’t seen until now, her lips pulling into a wide smile.

“After dinner?” She asked and I nodded, smiling back at her. It made Ara giggle as she went back to eating her scrambled eggs, humming a happy tune to herself as if she didn’t have a small breakdown just a few seconds ago. I watched the girl for a few more second before shaking my head as I walked to the sink, grabbing a clean cup. Such a young soul with such intangible dreams.

The chatter invaded the vast expanse of the kitchen, the pirates talking animatedly as they finished their last spoonful of yesterday’s stew, jugs filled with expensive rum and others with beer from the North, which Jongho and his father managed to snuggle on the ship on one of our missions a month ago. The room was lively as everyone enjoyed their last night before we’d go on the mainland, having docked down close to the coastline of one of the South Kingdom’s northwestern islands. We had run out of many important supplies, so tomorrow majority of the crew would go and retrieve whatever was necessary, with a side mission only few knew about, more specifically, Hongjoong’s close circle of friends. I didn’t necessarily like these missions, because they were dangerous and usually illegal, but I trusted the boys to come back unharmed, after all, they could handle themselves. Wooyoung was going on and on about how Jongho won’t let him draw his own map, as the younger from the two thinks Wooyoung’s drawing skills aren’t good enough yet, but all I could focus on was the empty seat to my right. Yunho had come down to have dinner with everyone, but instead of sitting next to me, he was sitting across the table, between Hongjoong and Mingi. That hasn’t happened before, and I could feel the questioning gazes of the others as we started eating, but I ignored them and snuggled into Wooyoung’s side, who was warm and kept me busy from thinking too much. Seonghwa was the most persistent as his eyes didn’t leave me for a good half an hour, but once he realized I wasn’t going to meet his eyes and talk about this new seating plan, he just sighed, and finally turned his attention onto Jongho, who instead of eating was drawing frantically in his little, secret, notebook. It was his diary, actually, but he never confessed that he really was keeping a diary, embarrassed when the older pirates started teasing him about it. I found it endearing, not that my opinion would’ve changed much.

Noticing that everyone by now was pretty much done eating, I abruptly stood, alerting Wooyoung as he had been complaining about Jongho, making Seonghwa jump too, as he seemed lost in his thoughts. A few pirates glanced at me before they continued their previous conversations, but Hongjoong raised a questioning brow as I grinned from ear to ear, walking away from my seat, towards the closed door. I clapped my hands three times, trying to get everyone’s attention as I smiled brightly, lightly pulling on the bottom of my burgundy shirt. Ara had insisted that if she were to be dolled up for tonight’s performance, then I should also make myself presentable. I invited her in my room shared with Yunho, and she was quick to pull my hair in intricated braids, without being too harsh. It was surprising, not many could tame a curly hair. She kept complimenting my copper curls and I was slightly embarrassed from the constant attention and praises, not used to them, having been surrounded by men for a very long time now. I’d lie if I say I didn’t enjoy my time with Ara. We giggled about everything, even talked about her previous crushes from her little town, and whispered about who she thought was the handsomest pirate on the ship. When she asked what I thought, I flushed a deep shade of pink, but skilfully dodged the subject, a knowing look appearing on Ara’s face. She insisted that I get rid of the cloth wrapped around my body and instead wear one of my corset’s, which I had never worn before but Wooyoung insisted I buy it when he saw it through the glass of the boutique. It was new, allowing my curves to show through my clothes, the bumps of my breasts foreign as I could see them and even feel them. I was scared what the pirates would think and said, but nobody threw me a second glance once they saw me at dinner, besides the quiet compliments that I had arranged my hair nicely and that the burgundy colour complimented my complexion well. It was rather comforting to see how much they didn’t care about how I presented myself, of course, Wooyoung excluded. Because he let out a shrill gasp when he saw me and pulled me up from my seat, twirling me around as I felt Yunho’s burning gaze on us. We hadn’t talked all day, it seemed like he was avoiding me. It didn’t surprise me, but I feared our friendship would never be the same again. Wooyoung kept going on and on about how beautiful I looked and that he knew that corset would look splendid on me, accentuating my beautiful form. Yeosang’s compliment also made me blush, but I turned my head in time and nobody saw it, or so I thought, because Yunho’s glare bore into the side of Yeosang’s head. I thought San would come and drag Ara away from me at any given moment, but he never showed up. Ara noticed how tense I was and just sighed, mumbling that she hadn’t seen San since the morning and something told her he was giving her some space, keeping away. It was weird. San has never done that before, to anyone. I didn’t say anything to Ara, though, just allowed her to have this moment of peace and joy as she applied something she called blush on my cheeks. Then I helped her get dressed and she clipped two strands of hair from the front to the back of her head, and then smiled at me, twirling around in my dress. It looked amazing on her, brought the colour of her skin out, matching her eyes. She truly looked majestic, and I understood now why she had high hopes of becoming famous one day. Her looks would’ve definitely helped her getting that, and if her voice was good, she truly had the whole package. Pity she had to rot away on a pirate ship, like she has said. I didn’t mind rotting away here, not as long as it was what Yunho wanted.

“May I have your attention, please?” I asked loudly, the pirates looked at me confused as I chuckled, “I know everybody is tense tonight, so, Ara and I thought we could diffuse the tension a little bit and…have some fun. Thus, I present you Im Ara, our entertainer for the night!”

The pirates seemed to grow even more confused as I opened the door and then stepped aside, allowing Ara to walk inside. She held her head high and smiled softly, waving delicately as she walked towards the stove, where she had a lot of space. Everyone watched her shocked, gaping at the beauty of her, and I just smiled as I went and took my place next to Wooyoung, grinning at him as he looked at me surprised. When I glanced towards Yunho, curious of his reaction, I was slightly taken aback by the intensity of his gaze on me, his eyes boring into mine. My smile slightly disappeared as I stared back, wishing he’d just stop being stubborn and would come and sit next to me, missing his familiar scent and warmth.

“Good evening, gentlemen, and Y/N.” Ara spoke up, voice velvety as she placed her hands in front of her. The pirates cackled at her use of words and I shook my head, showing Ara an encouraging thumbs up to continue, “I deemed it necessary to lighten your mood tonight, therefore, I shall sing to you.”

A few of the pirates grew tense, the Siren’s luring and hypnotizing song still fresh in their minds, even mine. The Siren had been a scary creature, but seeing how she didn’t really hurt anyone, even went as far as saving Jongho, I found some respect for her and set aside my judgement. I started clapping, realizing the silence was slowly becoming awkward, and Yeosang and Seonghwa quickly followed, slowly each and every pirate clapping for Ara. It seemed to encourage her as she slightly bowed her head and then cleared her throat, closing her eyes. Her mouth opened and she started singing, her soft voice carrying through the room as she started out slow and soft, the notes cradling you, comforting you almost. Ara’s voice was beautiful, just like her, and it was powerful and conveyed every emotion she felt during the song she sung. It was about a little girl lost in the world, lost in her own dreams, scared of what the real world had to offer for her. She didn’t know which path to choose, she didn’t know what was right and what was wrong. She was scared of falling, of the darkness, of the monsters hiding and waiting for her to walk into their trap. But then, just like a fairy, a kind lady, not older than her had appeared, and guided her through the ups and downs handed to her by fate, the little girl growing up into a refined and confident woman, ready to take on any hardships thrown her way. She never truly figured if the helping lady was real or a fairy, or just a fragment of her imagination, but she remained forever grateful as she lived long enough to tell her grandchildren all about it.

When Ara was done singing, she opened her eyes, and after a second of silence, the table erupted in loud claps, a few pirates even standing up and shouting encouraging words at her. Ara suddenly flushed and turned around, patting her chest down, and when she turned back around, her eyes were rimmed with tears. When was the last time she had sung? When she had an audience? My heart broke for her as I clapped, smiling proudly when we made eye contact.

As the table started quieting down, one already drunken pirate spoke up, “Do you know any sailor songs?”

“Name any!” Ara said excitedly and the table erupted into cheers again, the pirates slamming their fists against the table in excitement. I started laughing, never having seen the crew quite like this, never so carefree and happy.

“The coiled fishnet!”

“Blackbeard’s treasure!”

“The Serpent and The Pearl!”

“Deep under!”

“Cator’s last sail!”

“Lost on Sea!”

“Kings never die!”

“Remember me when I sink down under!”

Various sailor songs were screamed at Ara and she held a hand over her mouth, seemingly overwhelmed for a second, before she clapped her hands, and grinned mischievously, “That is a lot you want to hear, but the night is still young, isn’t it? I shall then start with The coiled fishnet!” Everyone started cheering loudly and Ara laughed before clearing her throat and starting to sing the quite sad song, the pirates humming along.

And just like Ara has said, the night was young, but when you were having a good time, it flew past you, making it seem like it was mere minutes. As the night progressed, the pirates got drunker and drunker, to the point that the kitchen was filled with loud singing as they had joined Ara, slurring their words and over shouting Ara’s majestic voice. I had been asked to dance by Wooyoung when one of the happier songs was being sung and I couldn’t refuse him, so we went and danced. Ara seemed to sparkle in the dim lights of the kitchen, radiating happiness as she clapped as Wooyoung and I danced around her. It only encouraged the other pirates to dance along and soon, I found myself in a big circle, getting twirled around and singing along with Ara. Even she was asked to dance during one of the more pacific songs, and she accepted gladly, blushing a little when Mingi held eye contact with her. She said that after Seonghwa, Mingi was the handsomest on the ship. Hongjoong had gone to sleep half an hour ago, whispering something to Yunho, and then excusing himself, saying that he needed to be well rested for the mission tomorrow. Yeosang followed soon after, but the others remained. Jongho was talking loudly and animatedly to a circle of five men from the crew, telling them everything he knew about sirens. It had been a touchy subject after his siren got away, but lately he seemed to be happier, especially when we were sailing through the Raging Sea. I didn’t think he’d see the Siren ever again, but perhaps I was wrong. Wooyoung was constantly dancing and singing, more like shouting, as he had started stealing Jongho’s own drink up until they younger’s father caught him, and tried to stop Wooyoung from getting wasted, to no avail. It felt good seeing my friends so free of worry finally.

Yunho never joined in on the singing nor the dancing, he just sat at the table, and watched everyone carefully, his eyes rarely on someone else other than me. It felt uncomfortable at the beginning, but I knew he just didn’t know how to approach me, so I let it slide. If he didn’t want to have fun, I wouldn’t try and haggle him like Mingi had been doing until he got almost punched. San was nowhere to be seen, until I spotted him in the doorway, hiding away in the shadows, eyes fixed on Ara, and only on her. His stoic expression was slowly slipping as Ara sung about a love so strong it would transpire into the lovers next lifetime, the two bound to always find each other. His hands were balled into fists and he gulped hard, and his eyes slightly closed, drinking in Ara’s soothing voice. Two lovers bound to face challenges in their next life, some so severe even the universe thought their bond would be broken, but it never did. Because unknowingly, fate had strung them together a long time ago, sealing their love as a testament against anything evil trying to break them apart. I watched as San crumbled for a second, it almost looked like a tear slipped down his cheek, before he made eye contact with me, and stormed off, my heart clenching for him. Despite the evil deeds he did, I knew he was only human. But not all sins could be forgiven, no matter how human one was.

I tapped Wooyoung’s arm as I pulled away and stepped out of the circle, him following closely behind. His cheeks were flushed and he was constantly giggling, the alcohol having clearly gotten to his head, “I think I’m going to sleep, Woo.”

His pout was almost adorable, “So soon?”

“It’s quite late, actually.” I answered with a chuckle as suddenly Wooyoung engulfed me in a big hug, his head resting against my neck. His chest fell and rose quickly from dancing around, a sheer layer of sweat coating his forehead.

“But we’re having so much fun!” He whined, and I shook my head as I petted his hair.

“I know, but Ara will perform for us again, and we’ll have even more fun.” Drunk Wooyoung was like a child, he needed to be coerced into doing things, softly spoken to, and a lot of patience. I felt eyes on us, but I didn’t turn around, assuming that it was most probably Yunho watching us.

“Will she, really?” Wooyoung asked dazed and pulled his head back, looking at me with a drunken grin.

“Of course, she will, Wooyoung.” I said with a chuckle, “I don’t think she has anything better to do and it actually makes her happy.”

“Like cooking makes me happy—” He hiccupped and I rolled my eyes, “and, well, stealing from the royal court.”

“You’re so reckless.” I shook my head at him and carefully pulled myself out of his tight hold, knowing his clinginess got worse when drunk. Wooyoung pouted and his eyes were halfway closed, suddenly the tenacious Sailing master disappearing as all I could see was the little prince who stumbled on our ship so many years ago. His skin polished, clothes posh, well-mannered and words carefully pronounced, accent absent. He was so different from us, yet he stayed. Something about the crew attracted him to the life of a pirate and he stuck with us, his Prince title long forgotten, his once King supposed duties long left in the past.

“I’m just a pirate.” Wooyoung lowered his voice and mockingly saluted, making me shake my head at him. He just chuckled and then hiccupped, swaying on his legs, the rocking off the ship slightly making it worse.

“Let’s get you to bed—” I started saying, gripping his arm, but Wooyoung groaned loudly, pushing me away with a frown.

“No!” He whined, glaring at me, “I’ll stay and celebrate for more, you go to sleep, Y/N. Jongho’s room is closest to mine, when he goes to sleep, I’ll go with him.”

“Pinky promise?” I extended my pinkie to him, and Wooyoung giggled.

“Pinky promise.” He nodded his head and hooked his pinkie with mine, sealing it with our thumbs. He waved goodbye as I bid him goodnight and started towards the kitchen door, eyes falling on Jongho, who didn’t seem too tired or drunk enough yet, holding a pirate by the collar as his eyes shone in excitement, talking loudly and explaining something to the poor pirates, who looked slightly frightened by Jongho’s passion. He was a stoic man, rarely showing any emotions, but I guess the liquor loosened up him enough to let his secret obsessive side shine through. Jongho was a precious person, I have always been fond of him, but perhaps that was also because he was the youngest amongst our close circle, and just a little boy when him and his father joined our crew.

I left the kitchen and walked down the dark hallways, knowing them like the back of my palm, in a cheery mood as the night had gone better than Ara and I had expected it. It was good for the pirates, but it was also good for Ara. They would warm up to her easier now, something so small as songs bringing us together. Ara was talented, I couldn’t help but pity her for her ruined dreams. She did deserve more, and perhaps, one day, San would let her go. Perhaps.

I pushed open the door of my room and walked inside, the moonlight casting the room in a soft glow, not strong but just enough to see the outline of things. It’s not like I needed light, I’ve been living in this small quarter for ten years now with Yunho. I stepped inside, letting the door shut behind me on its own, but I was barely two steps in, when the door was roughly pushed open, slamming against the wall. I jumped and whirled around tense, ready to fight if anyone was here to provoke me, but instead I was met with Yunho’s tall frame standing in the doorframe. My eyebrows furrowed and suddenly, he sprung forward, the door closing behind him forcefully, closing the distance between us until his lips were pressing against mine. Yunho’s lips. Pressing against mine. My mind reeled as my eyes widened so much, I thought they’d pop out of their sockets, Yunho’s soft lips pressing painfully against mine. When I didn’t respond, he pulled back just slightly, lips brushing against mine, eyes boring into mine. His breathing was uneven as I tried to understand the situation, guess his thoughts, but his eyes gave away nothing. I didn’t understand, I just couldn’t. It was so sudden. Out of nowhere. After yesterday’s outburst, it was unexpected. I was taken-aback, but slowly, I found myself wanting to feel the press of his lips against mine. I wanted to taste him. To feel him against my body. It was Yunho, my best friend, the man I loved. I was ready to give him everything he wanted. Words wouldn’t leave my lips, all that left them, was a whine and Yunho was suddenly pressing his lips against mine again, grabbing my cheeks painfully, squeezing the air out of me. I couldn’t help but reciprocate the kiss just as fiercely, standing up on my tiptoes so that he didn’t have to lean down so much, clinging onto him as I grabbed the collar of his shirt. Our lips started moving in sink, hungrily devouring the other, tasting them, curious of the other. They seemed to fit perfectly against each other as Yunho tasted of the rum he’s been consuming throughout the night, and despite being sober, suddenly, I felt like I was intoxicated myself. His hands slowly released my cheeks and I felt them on my arms as they slowly dragged down my body, hold tightening when his calloused hands and long fingers made contact with my corset. I shivered slightly at the firm grip, goosebumps erupting on my skin as he dragged his hands lower, following the curve of the fabric, of my body, as a sound left the back of his throat, pressed into my mouth, making my breath hitch. Yunho grabbed my waist and before I could react much, I was hoisted up, legs wrapping around his hips instinctually, as did my arms around his neck. Our noses pressed into each other’s cheek and I breathed in deeply, his scent so familiar that it sent chills down my spine. I couldn’t help but moan when he bit my lower lip, a sound I repressed so many times when he lazily kissed all over my body in the mornings, trying to hide the flush and the want trying to show on my face. Yunho hugged me close to his body as he walked to our bed, sitting down on it, letting me straddle his lap as I quickly pressed my lips against his again, opening my mouth up for him, desperate to feel more of him. His sweet tongue pressed against mine, and I felt like I could reach the stars any moment, as I moaned, licking at his, letting him do the same as his grip became bruising on my hips as he allowed his hands to wander underneath my shirt and corset, cold hands pressing against my heated skin. My breath stuttered for a second and Yunho must’ve felt it as he pulled back, his chest falling and rising quickly, just as breathless as I was.

I pecked his lips again, my body burning with a yearning I’ve never felt before in my life, the familiar glint back in his eyes. It felt like I was staring at the stars on a clear night, no clouds in sight. His gaze was so warm, filled with adoration and lust, as he dove down and pressed his open mouth against my neck, licking at the skin, my body reacting instantly as my hips slightly moved, shivers traveling down my spine. Yunho groaned against my skin, the vibration travelling through me, and I couldn’t help but move my hips against him again, as he pulled our bodies close by the strong grip he had on my hips. I was feeling so many new sensations at the same time, mind foggy and clouded with thoughts of Yunho. The familiarity of his scent and his warmth and his body. It felt like I’ve known him like this my whole life. My fingers tangled into the grown hair on his nape as he suddenly sucked down on the skin around my collarbones, making me grind against him slowly, biting down on my lower lip to stop a moan from escaping. Yunho licked at the abused skin and raised his head, looking me in the eyes before crashing his lips against mine again. I was hungry, wanting more and more as Yunho guided my hips against his growing member, moaning into the kiss when I gyrated my hips, long fingers bruising the skin of my hips. Our teeth clanked against each other, the sweet taste of Yunho mixed with the rum he’s been drinking all night and it was hard, too difficult, to pull away and steel my hips, when all I wanted to do was undress him and let him take me, give all of myself to him.

“Yunho,” I whispered, kissing his cheek instead when he tried to kiss me again, “You’re drunk.”

“I want you.” His voice was gravely as he whined against my cheek, “So badly, Y/N, please, I love you.”

My heart stuttered and I bit my lower lip, kissing his forehead, “I love you too, and I want you too, but not—not like this.”

Yunho sucked in a harsh breath, “I’m lucid enough to tell you that I want this.”

“Not tonight, please.” I mumbled against his skin, wanting him to be sober, not an ounce of alcohol influencing his wants and thoughts.

“I love you so much.” Yunho whispered and pressed his lips against mine, but didn’t deepen the kiss.

“And I love you just as much back.” I said with a smile and Yunho chuckled, his firm grip gone from my hips as he took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. His cheeks were flushed and I knew mine were too. My heart finally felt complete, the usual void nowhere to be found as Yunho helped me off himself, smiling and giggling as he ripped his shirt open and threw it onto the floor. Before I could stop him, he got rid of his pants too and climbed into bed, pouting and motioning for me to follow him. I chuckled and shook my head, collecting his clothes and placing them on the chair. I untied my corset and took off my pants too, but left on the shirt, as I climbed in next to Yunho. He pulled me against his body instantly, nuzzling his head against my hair and inhaling deeply as I lay on top of him, placing a hand against his cheek. Sleep stole us away way too quick tonight.

I woke with a start, the bedsheets cold beside me, Yunho’s body missing. I shot up, instantly regretting it as my head spun, still foggy with sleep, as I rubbed my eyes and squinted. The sunshine was harsh as it shone inside through the little window and I noticed Yunho’s clothes were gone from the chair and a little piece of paper sat on top of our desk. I threw the covers off and got out of bed, walking up to the desk and grabbing the paper, reading Yunho’s neat handwritten note.

‘We had to leave at dawn, sorry I wasn’t with you when you woke up. Today’s mission is long and I don’t think I can go on without saying this, so Y/N, everything that I said and did last night, I meant it. When I return tonight, we shall talk about it.’

My heart skipped a few beats as I read the letter again, lips pulling into a small smile, cheeks flushing. The alcohol then didn’t give or take to Yunho’s actions last night, he wanted that. My heart swelled at the thought and I giggled as I shook my head, placing the paper back on the desk as I went to dress myself. I felt like abandoning the tight fabric for my torso today, and instead, grabbed the corset Wooyoung had gifted me and picked out one of my clean white shirts.

The sun was high up in the sky by the time I walked up on the deck, grabbing my binoculars in the process, taking in the few pirates standing on watch, making sure nobody tried to sneak up on our ship while we were decked down so close to the shore. Seonghwa stood on the quarterdeck, shoulders pulled back and one hand on his hip as the other held the binocular up to his eyes, looking towards land. When Hongjoong, our Captain, lead the mission, Seonghwa, his Quartermaster, stayed back to watch the ship. When Seonghwa led a mission, Hongjoong stayed with his crew. Despite my steps being light and quiet, Seonghwa heard me and turned with a smile, greeting me quietly. His long hair was pulled in a half up ponytail, sun beaming down on his tan complexion. His lips were shiny, and I just had a feeling that it was probably a gift from Bora, a sort of cream, which would hydrate his chapped lips. I chuckled at the thought as I stood next to him, looking towards the mainland, able to make out the people walking on the beach and coastline.

“Good morning.” I greeted cheerily, and Seonghwa chuckled, throwing me a questioning glance.

“Slept well?” He asked and I hummed, not saying anything more as Yeosang had walked on deck and waved our way. I waved back and Seonghwa nodded, watching as Yeosang went and climbed up on one of the shrouds. Seonghwa touched his compass, and I watched as he gripped it tightly before letting go of it, a quiet sigh leaving his lips. He had been a wreck for the six months it was missing. We hadn’t stopped until he finally found the person who had stolen it, and I couldn’t have been happier seeing Seonghwa finally regain himself. I could understand him. That compass was the only thing which reminded him that he did have a blood related family, even if they didn’t want him.

“How’s Bora doing?” I asked casually and watched as Seonghwa’s cheek caught a slight tint of pink. He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.

“She was doing just fine last time we met.” He answered and I smiled at him, leaning closer.

“So, I suppose you forgave her?” My tone was light, teasing. Of course, he forgave her, I knew that. But it was always entertaining seeing Seonghwa blush. He rolled his eyes, and turned to face me.

“She proved herself to be useful, so, I decided to let it slide this time.” Seonghwa answered, and I hummed, a knowing smile appearing on my lips. Nobody who touched Seonghwa’s compass lived another day, yet this girl stole it from him and kept it for six months, and still walked away unscathed. If she wasn’t special, she’d be long dead. Seonghwa could try and play it off as nothing, but I knew it ran deeper than that. It was obvious how fond he was of her.

“Did she find any leads, then?” I asked, genuinely curious, as Seonghwa hummed.

“She found a merchant who seemed to know of a Bu family whose son disappeared twenty-five years ago.” There was a flicker of hope in Seonghwa’s voice, but it was quickly gone as he continued, “It could be anyone, however, I don’t have high hopes. I’ve been searching since I was a little boy for Bu Seolhwa and never found her…”

I felt sadness wash over me as Seonghwa’s shoulders slightly slouched, “Maybe you just didn’t have the right connections, Seonghwa, maybe Bora is close this time. Do you trust her?”

“With my life,” His voice was barely a whisper as a look of yearning crossed his face, “This Bu family seems to be from the Sun Rise Kingdom.”

“Where Hongjoong’s father found you.” I said with an encouraging smile and Seonghwa nodded, looking at me with a small smile.

“I’ll be visiting Bora and Nari next week; I’ll find out more then.”

“Good,” I hummed, my eyes widening as I remembered the delicate pearl necklace I placed aside for Bora’s sister, “Hey, I just remembered. Yunho brought back a pearl necklace a few weeks ago from one of his missions and I wanted to give it to Nari as I don’t need it…Jongho’s gifted me too many pearls by now.”

Seonghwa chuckled and looked down at his own pearl necklace from Jongho, “I’ll give it to her, she’ll be really happy.”

“Thank you.” I smiled and then allowed the comfortable silence to settle between us, as both Seonghwa and I raised our binoculars to look towards the mainland, survey the waters. Just as I was about to lower it, I noticed a boat headed our way. My eyebrows furrowed as I lowered my binocular and walked down from the quarterdeck and headed to the railing of the deck. Yeosang was climbed up high by now, the wind ruffling his fluffy hair. I raised my binocular again, about to shout at the pirates to load their guns, but it was Wooyoung. He was rowing towards our ship frantically, a body laying by his feet. My eyebrows furrowed and heartbeat slightly picked up, wondering who that was. If they were coming back, it meant that it was serious.

“Seonghwa!” I called back, turning to look up at him, “Are you seeing this?”

“Yes!” Seonghwa called down as he took off from his position, and approached me quickly. The boat has almost reached us. Seonghwa looked into his binoculars again and sucked in a sharp breath, but before I could look too, he gripped my arm and turned to me, face gravely, “Lower the ladder, now.”

Yeosang and I had designed a wooden ladder, without stairs, which we threw over the side of the ship to make it easier to travel up and down from it. It was optimal when we decked down in a port or close to the beach, where we didn’t need to us a boat to get closer to the shore. The water wasn’t too deep here, but the wooden ladder couldn’t be usable, so I threw Seonghwa a confused glance until I saw the seriousness on his face.

“Seonghwa!” I could hear Wooyoung shouting over the sounds of the waves crashing and wind blowing as his boat was closer, “I need help!”

Yeosang noticed that I was struggling with lifting the wooden ladder, so he came over and helped me, throwing it overboard as it slammed against the water loudly.

“I need Yeosang!” I could hear Wooyoung still shouting, “Yunho’s been injured, he can’t stand—he’s not responding!”

My world seemed to pause for a few seconds as I watched Seonghwa run past me and jump over the railing, sliding down the wooden ladder to get to Wooyoung and Yunho. Yunho. He was injured. He wasn’t responding—as if I had just resurfaced from underneath cold water, my body flinched and tensed up, and I was running to the wooden ladder, Yeosang’s firm grip pulling me away from the railing as he stared softly into my eyes.

“Let Wooyoung and Seonghwa take him up, Y/N, you can’t help.”

“I have to!” I screamed, trying to fight away Yeosang’s grip, but he wasn’t budging, “Yeosang, please!”

He sighed, but shook his head as I heard Seonghwa and Wooyoung struggling just a few feet away from us, “You know you can’t help them.”

He was right, I really couldn’t. The ladder couldn’t hold four people at once, it was me who designed it, I was supposed to know. But Yunho was there, injured. I couldn’t just stand and do nothing—my eyes snapped to the railing as Seonghwa’s head showed.

“Yeosang, come help.” He instructed and Yeosang was gone in a flash, leaning over the railing and pulling over Yunho’s limp body, my feet rooted in one place. I stared wide eyed at Yunho’s unconscious body, lips parted and hair sticking to his forehead. His white shirt had turned red at the front, cut across his chest, a wide gash gapping at anyone who looked at it. My hands pressed against my mouth as I felt my eyes fill with tears, Yeosang kneeled next to Yunho, two fingers pressed against his artery, checking for a pulse. He cursed, Yeosang never does that. Wooyoung hopped over the railing, hands and vest bloody, as his panicked eyes fell on me and he sucked in a harsh breath, instantly approaching me.

“Seonghwa, we need to take him to his room, right now.” Yeosang’s deep voice was frantic and Seonghwa was by his side, grabbing Yunho’s shoulders as Yeosang lifted him by the legs, and they started walking away, headed towards our room. I didn’t realize I was trembling until Wooyoung pulled me into a tight hug, something wet hitting my neck, snapping me out of my frozen state. My heart was hammering against my chest, and despite not meaning to be so harsh, I pushed Wooyoung off of me, staring at him with wide eyes as he started crying.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, I was supposed to be on look out and kill anyone who approached the warehouse—I didn’t know they had sneaked in through the back until I heard Yunho screaming—” No. I couldn’t listen to that right now. No, not when the love of my life was possibly dying in our bed. I didn’t think or wait for Wooyoung as I took off, running past the pirates who tried to stop me and hold me back, shouting after me that I needed to let Yeosang work in peace and silence, but I couldn’t hear them. I had to get to Yunho. So, I raced down the stairs and crashed into the wall painfully, but I didn’t care as I ran down the long hallway, heart beating frantically as I arrived to our shared room, just as Seonghwa closed the door in my face.

“No! Let me in!” I screamed at the top of my lungs and tried to open the door, but the knob wouldn’t turn. They had locked the door. Locked me outside, with Yunho inside, separated us at such a crucial time. What if he didn’t get to live? What if he wanted to see me? What if I never got to see the glint in his eyes again? The smile on his face? What if I never got to feel his warm body against mine, his warmth engulfing my whole being? I started sobbing loudly and banging my fists against the door, screaming at Seonghwa and Yeosang to let me inside, to let me see Yunho. Before I could start kicking too, arms wrapped tightly around me from behind, and I was hauled back.

“No! Stop!” I screamed, trying to free myself, but the person was strong, “Yunho!”

My voice broke at the scream of his name and suddenly, I was turned around and my head was pressed against Wooyoung’s chest as he shushed me, petting my head, hugging me tightly against himself.

“You need to let them work in silence, Y/N.” He whispered against my ear, “Yeosang has to concentrate. You know he can save him; he’s saved so many others so many times, but he needs the quiet, Y/N.”

“I have to be in there, next to him—”

“You’d just distract them, Y/N,” Wooyoung cut my words off, “Please, have faith in him and Yunho. He’s strong, he’s a fighter.”

“I know.” I mumbled with a sob as I allowed my body to go numb in Wooyoung’s hold, tears streaming down my face without stopping. I couldn’t let my thoughts swallow me whole as horrible scenarios of Yunho’s death kept coming to the front of my mind, taunting me, making me cry harder. I couldn’t lose my best friend. I couldn’t lose the love of my life. Not yet. Not when we had finally given in to each other. Wooyoung’s grip tightened as he lowered us to the ground, pulling me into his lap and petting my hair, humming a tune only he seemed to know, his body warmth so comforting right now. I would’ve crumbled without him being here, without someone anchoring me. Yunho was my everything. Without him, life wasn’t worth living anymore.

Sometime ago Seonghwa had left the room, but with a sharp look, I knew I wasn’t allowed inside yet. He said nothing, just shook his head at Wooyoung, and walked off to clean himself up. I had stopped crying, only to start again when Yunho’s painful screams ricocheted off the walls, traveling through the wooden door separating the two of us. I was so close to him, yet not allowed to offer him any support from up close. I hated it. I wanted to barge in and just hold him, cradle his head to my chest while Yeosang fixed him up. But if he was screaming, he was still breathing, and as painful as it was, I couldn’t help but let out a breath each time I heard it, thanking the Gods that he was still among us, still feeling, still living. I had moved out of Wooyoung’s lap as I sat against the wall, head fallen back against it, hand holding Wooyoung’s as he rubbed my knuckles in a calming manner, my nerves slightly loosening before my muscles tensed back up. I felt bad for him, but nothing could truly comfort me right now. I only needed Yunho. To know that he was safe, far away from death’s grasp. It felt like hours had passed as I sat in the hallway, the chatter of the pirates on deck traveling all the way down here, Yunho’s occasional screams interrupting the peace, and Wooyoung’s humming when I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, body trembling in fear and empathy for Yunho. And then finally, somehow, that cursed wooden door opened just slightly for Yeosang to step through. I didn’t think I had enough power in me, but I sprung up to my feet, ready to bounce inside, but Yeosang’s dishevelled appearance made me pause, eyes taking in his bloody clothes and hands. Even his cheeks were smudged with blood, and suddenly, I felt nauseous. What if Yunho didn’t make it? What if all that blood…was because Yeosang couldn’t save him?

“I stitched him up, the wound was very deep.” Yeosang’s deep voice was tired as he sighed loudly, “He fell unconscious, but he’s still breathing. And his pulse had gotten a lot more stable, I’m confident he’s out of harms way, he will survive, Y/N, he’s as fine as he can be.”

A weight was taken off my shoulders as my body shuddered and I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing again. Yeosang stepped aside and lightly pushed the door open to me, “You can go see him, I’m done.”

“Thank you, Yeosang.” I didn’t care of the blood as I hugged the doctor tightly, conveying my emotions into that one hug, so grateful for him. Yeosang mumbled a simple ‘I would’ve never let him die’, before I released him and entered the room, instantly hit by the iron smell of Yunho’s blood. It was strong, but I noticed the small window was opened to allow fresh air inside. My steps faltered for a second as I noticed all the bloody rags on the floor next to our bed, and I gulped, eyes slowly falling on Yunho. He was sprawled out on our bed, sheets bloody too, and torso naked as his chest fell and rose rhythmically, lips slightly parted. There was a wide gash going from his left shoulder down to his ribs on his right side of the torso, skin red and raw, stitches carefully and neatly done. Yunho’s eyebrows were furrowed, but his face seemed relaxed as his fingers kept flexing and then unflexing. I approached him carefully, scared that I would wake him up, as I kneeled down next to our bed, eyes piercing his face. I counted the seconds as he breathed, reassuring myself that he was alright. I wiped the tears off my cheeks as they started falling again, but I couldn’t help it, not when the love of my life was so close to death. So close to being taken away from me. I hated these bloody missions he had to go on.

“I know you’re here.” Yunho croaked out and my heartbeat stuttered as he reached his long fingers out towards me, the ring with the letter A glinting on his forefinger. I bit my lower lip and quickly intertwined our fingers, the warmth of his hand another reminder that Yunho was alive. Breathing. Blood flowing through his veins.

“Yunho—” My voice broke as I started crying again, trying to not sob as a serene smile appeared on his lips, “Yunho, I was so scared.”

“I know, baby, I was too.” He whispered, lazily opening one eye before the other. He looked tired, eyelids threatening to drop any minute. I squeezed our hands tighter together, our similar rings digging into each other’s skins.

“You can never again do this to me, do you understand?” I demanded, eyebrows furrowing as Yunho nodded slowly, eyes boring into mine with adoration and sorry.

“I promise I won’t, Y/N.” I sniffed, wiping my tears off with my other hand.

“Good.” I whispered and raised his hand, pressing my lips against his palm. Yunho hummed deeply and smiled, closing his eyes, looking like he was in haven. He was quite close to getting there, actually.

“I love you.” Yunho whispered suddenly, “More than a friend, Y/N. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the only woman in my life. I don’t need anyone else, just you. You make me happy and feel like the luckiest man in the four seas and four kingdoms, Y/N, I love you so much.”

I bit my lower lip as a wide smile stretched on my lips, my cheeks flushing, my heart swelling. Could you truly love someone else this much? I found myself nodding at my own question, “I love you too so much, Yunho, I cannot imagine my life without you by my side. Please stay with me forever.”

“I will.” Yunho opened his eyes and looked deeply into mine, glint back in his gaze. It took me a second to realize what that was. It was love. Passionate and irrevocable. Burning me up and making me yearn for more and more as I leaned over the bed, towards Yunho’s face, and pressed my lips daintily against his. Yunho kissed me back and we both smiled into the kiss as the door opened, a deep chuckle echoing behind me.

“A few more kisses might just heal him faster, Y/N.” Yeosang said teasingly as he came back to gather the bloody rags, staring down at us happily as I pulled away from Yunho, flustered that someone caught us kissing.

“They might just.” I heard Yunho mutter to himself as he allowed his body to relax, eyelids fluttering shut, growing heavy against the sheets which smelled like us. I held Yunho’s hand as I continued kneeling on the floor, watching him sleep and thank the Gods for letting him see the sunset and sunrise once again.

I never knew you could love someone so ardently, that it ate you up, burned your whole being. I never dared imagine what it felt like when the person you love loved you back just as passionately, their whole world revolving only around you. But I knew now that it all would be fine. That nothing could break us apart, having sealed our bond for a lifetime. And staring at Yunho, I knew that I had found my soulmate, the only person in the whole world who understood me and would never abandon me.

Sneaking on this ship with him ten years ago was the smartest decision I have ever taken.

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