#we studied that shit to help write stuff for our little guys

[cupophrogs]

Hey DD. How have you been. You’ve been quiet.

“Thankfully, most of the vending machines are intact and full, so we won’t be starving while Cherub’s leg heals. Thing has caught him trying to sneak out far too many times.”

[thegoldensundreamer]

Love At Last

Onyankopon x black!reader

Warnings: exes, use of n word, squirting, fingering (f receiving), eating out (f receiving)

Word Count: 6.2k

He was a little older than me. A junior, and I, a sophomore. In college, you only had two focuses: have fun and study, and truthfully it helped me. No matter what anyone told me I had control to do whatever I wanted in life and didn't want anyone's opinions on how I'd be living it.

Honestly, that's what made my other ex's love me and even some, hate me.  But I mean it wasn't like he was always putting his expectations too high for me. Onyankopon just wanted to see me as my best self. When we broke up and I told him the reason as to why I couldn't do it anymore, it all really didn't make sense. I wanted to tell myself that I knew the reason as to why he was just so terrible but subconsciously I knew I didn't. And it was hard for me these past months. Really hard. I been seeing him on campus like a thousand times and he just keeps getting more beautiful and glowin like the sun.

He's the head of his team now and it never helps me that he didn't ever have any girls he just messed around with. Especially bonding and having a real relationship with his exes. Including me. And Its painful seeing him just living his life and me not hating him for any reason because he is really a great guy. So whenever I see him I make sure to shift my eyes to the complete opposite direction of where his head is at. Or even cover my face with a book or a water bottle to not have that awkward walk past. But I kind of wish he chased after me... and although I know its selfish I'm just as confused as when I left that boy. But I guess we all just have to move on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"The assignment is still due this Sunday at 11:59 on Blackboard. I don't want any emails, text messages, or conversations next class about an extension. Period."

I honestly think Professor Rodriguez is tweaking now. No excuses? What if someone is sick or something?

The whole class groans as we pack all of our stuff. I mean, it's just a paper so I'm not tripping or anything. I just got to make sure to do it before the Que party this weekend. There's never been a problem before so I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Me and my girls have been planning to go to one of the Que parties we keep infamously hearing about. It's always wild, lit, and memorable till you graduate. All of a sudden when you get that degree they don't exist no more because you don't want no one to know of the hoe tales.

I haven't been to one of their parties yet, but Im excited. I haven't been outside in a while especially since I ended things with Ony. A few kickbacks here and there were going on this past semester for me but that's about it. I like being inside just as much or even more than I like being out.

When I walk down the university building, I put in my headphones ready to blast some Sexyy Red. That woman music got something in it I swear.

"I'm looking for the hoooesssss" I mouth to myself while I nod my head. Shit, I forgot how hard that bass goes. As I bob my head I can't remotely hear the voice behind me trying to catch my attention.

It was Jaden, one of Ony’s teammates, and he's also in Professor Rodriquez class. He gave up calling my name and just let me go.

•••

When I finally left the building and head to my car I instantly switch my music over to the Bluetooth aux and look at my assignment before I pull off. You see... he assigned it to us last Friday and I for real have just been procrastinating till now. I would say my time management is usually really good but its not.

"Ok so I got to just write about 500 words. I could do this tonight no problem."

I put down my phone and start adjusting my rear view mirror only to find light grey clouds of the day turning darker grey. I really hope it don't storm when I'm on the road.

Driving out of the lot and onto the highway, I continue blasting my hoochie playlist. Shrugging at the random pain in my heart I'm feeling, I call one of my girls talking about how much I think this party gon cut all my feelings from Ony and revive the party girl in me.

Im pulling into my apartment complex excited . I haven't been this joyous to go to a party in a while. The mere thought of shaking ass is bringing me serotonin. Just a sweet release of stress. Plus, it's Friday and the party is Saturday night so I'm definitely geeking.

When I stumble up the steps right before the entrance to my residence giddy and jovial, looking for my key, I slightly looked up. The scream in my head is definitely showing me how much I'm not over this feeling in my heart.

I stopped my movement and fought the urge to back step all the way back into my car and hide. I'm not sure why hes here at this time. It's 5:30 which isn't late for real but just a bit confusing enough to make you question why the hell someone is at your door uninvited. Especially since its here. At my apartment. And it's him. With his aura and skin glistening like oil on a hot body.

He was in some black muscle shirt with matching jogger pants. Shyly smiling at me at first but then noticing my expression, he looked down at the state of his body and cringed before looking back in my eyes. Clearly embarrassed. "Sorry you seeing me like this, I just came from practice so I'm still a little sweaty"

I secretly moaned in my head. He looks so good I had to catch my breath and his voice is still captivating up to now. I still can't forget the way he used to t-

I'm getting sidetracked. Let me regain this composure.

"Is there something you need?" I quietly ask. This is no good. The whole point is out of sight out of mind. You know how you want to block somebody on everything and really go out of your way to not see them in person so you won't have to think about them or double back? Well I feel like I'm breaking that right now. It's not my fault sure but the shame still feels the same.

Ony pulls out an object from his pocket. A white, slightly long but thin figure. He looks at it for a moment before looking up at me again and holding it up.

"I came here to give this to you. Im pretty sure it's yours. At least that's what Jaden said."

I squint my eyes in confusion at what he was holding and hurriedly looked through my tote bag to find that I did not have my Apple Pencil for my iPad.

So that's why he's here.

Apple pencils are expensive so I'm not mad. I would've been more upset if I only figured out I dropped it when I got inside and tried to start my paper. But how did he even get it?

He reached his arm out as I began to walk up to him for my pencil. I thanked him for bringing it to me and awkward silence overtook the little rain droplets that noted the thunderstorm about to take place.

Our hands touched ever so slightly as I grabbed my missing pencil. I withdrew immediately and he did the same faintly after. After a few long seconds, he broke the silence.

"Jaden gave it to me at the locker rooms after practice. He said he tried to give it to you after class but couldn't catch up or something so I guess he just wanted me to carry out the deed especially with some paper he mentioned."

I grinned and slightly nodded in understanding, quickly glancing at his eyes before staring at the Apple Pencil. It's strange. He can't really look me in the eye. I mean, I can't either but he's 6'2" so my excuse is good. On top of that, the nonchalance in his tone doesn't sit right with me. It's either he's forcing it or a part of me wants to believe he is just to delude myself that he still cares. It's unfair of me, especially since I probably broke his heart, but it's the real.

"I'll thank Jaden when I see him next class. Thank you for bringing it to me." I quip and walk past him to my door, beginning to find my keys in my bag with the pencil still in hand.

Damn when did I get this shy?

Onys attempt at being nonchalant somewhat was breaking. He stared at the pencil smiling as he spoke and pointed.

"I'm surprised you still have Chowder on there".

I turned my head around, mid-hand in bag. He was referring to the little sticker I had on my ex-missing item. The one that would help me differentiate my pencil from everyone else's so no one would take it. The one he gave me as a funny gift for the love of our mutual favorite childhood show.

I'm surprised he still remembers these little details about me. About us.

"Well it's still my favorite show. I don't think that's ever going to change." I giggle looking back for my keys.

It's hard to do this. To face him. How do people talk to their exes? This isn't even my first but damn. Now my minds all over the place with him and us all over it. All those memories we share. Good and bad.

I stop fiddling in my bag and spoke under my breath with the same thought, caught up in the idea.  "I'm surprised you still remember." I mumbled to myself.

I can feel his presence and his eyes on me, not exactly sure what his actions are. But his voice speaks up with a small sense of fervor in his tone. Something undeniably him. The tone I always craved since it left me.

"Y/n, you can't tell me you don't call to mind how Ive remembered every single thing I've been blessed to learn about you"

I still my hands from roaming once again after I found my keys. At this point, I don't know what's going on. But as I motion my mouth to find what to say a grand lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting somewhere nearby. Thunder that sounded like an earthquake erupted, immediately pouring heavy rain down with it. With that, we instantaneously saw lampposts shut off. All electricity in the area immediately being gone in an instant.

"Ain't no way" I groaned. I can't believe this. I look around at all of the dark areas surrounding the complex except for the emergency lights powered from the generator. Putting my keys in the door, I heavily sigh opening up my residence.

Slowly walking in to the dim natural light from the blinds I turn around to Onyankopon, standing still at the doorstep, and tell him he can come in.

"Are you sure? My car is all good and everything I can still drive."

"In this storm?" I ask raising my eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, "You not gon get nowhere the way this storm going right now. It's fine. Plus, your place is probably out of electricity too."

He nods, "Well thanks, I really appreciate it" He awkwardly steps into the 3 bedroom apartment. My girls usually have class during this time last I checked so we're the only ones here.

I grab some candles to light across my home hoping for some sort of spark to brighten up the place.

Once I withdrew a breath and looked around, the rooms seemed to be lit up enough comfortably outside of the insanely romantic essence it gave off. I stood up from where I was crouched by the living room table where I made eye contact with him sitting up on the couch.

"Soooo could I get you anything?" I awkwardly stand there and he's just sitting... menacingly.

Ugh who am I kidding he looks so geeked out right now.

"It's honestly fine. Once the storm passes I'll be right out forreal you don't have to go through any trouble." He laughs.

With that in mind I obliged and went to my room setting up my laptop and iPad with my now found Apple Pencil. Since the electricity's gone that means I shouldn't have any distractions on focusing on my work.

"Right y/n, focus on the goal. It don't matter that your ex is in the other room. Get on your zoom!" Mumbling to myself  as I type in my username to blackboard to view the rubric.

"What the-"

Shit. Of course blackboard and the wifi is down too if all the electricity is out.

As I groan and leave my room to get a glass of water, I'm getting Ony one too. Seeing him roaming on his phone and placing the glass in front of him on the table I sit on the sofa opposite of him.

He looks up from his phone, "You did not have to do this", he began to grin to himself as he lifted the cup and started to drink.

As I began to speak we both got a notification.

ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ELECTRICITY IS DOWN ON CAMPUS AND ON AND OFF CAMPUS HOUSING DUE TO A SEVERE WEATHER STORM. MORE UPDATES WILL COME SOON. CURRENTLY, AN ESTIMATION OF 3 HOURS WILL BE NEEDED TO REPAIR DAMAGES TO ELECTRICAL UNITS.

"Fuck" I groaned.

"You're not gonna be able to finish that paper huh?" He questioned.

"No and it's due Sunday. I was hoping to knock it out today before the weekend really starts. I don't need to procrastinate anymore than I already have."

"Oh trust me I remember." He laughed. "I can help yknow. There's nothing else we can do here."

"On what though? Blackboard is down."

"Not google docs or notes app though." He smiled, "As long as you know what you're supposed to write about you're set."

"But I like looking at the rubric when I write to make sure my grades solidified"

"I'm hearing a lot of excuses misses honors student. If you wanted to do it you would at this point. Plus, my specialty is writing papers so I can definitely help"

I remember oh so well. This reminds me of when I procrastinated on a paper last semester the weekend before it was due just like this one and we stayed up till 3 AM writing it. So many laughs and double shot espressos from that time. His specialty really is writing essays and all sorts of papers. That assignment was 5000 words and we started the Saturday and still got an A.

"Shit, why not. It's only 500 words anyway" I joke.

He smiled and we got to work. The first hour went by like nothing. It felt like old times. 200 words were typed but the only thing holding us back was that I actually need to have proper cited sources. Professor Rodriguez do not play around either so it's been a painstaking amount of time trying to find anything with no internet and a on and off personal hotspot.

As Ony and I sit next to each other working on the paper, he lifts up his glass and it accidentally slipped out of his hands onto the table.

"Ah damn I'm so sorry. Let me-"

"No it's cool." I put down my laptop and got up to get a paper towel. When I sat back down and handed the paper towel to him our hands touched again. That once jovial, funny and somewhat relaxed mood we had was now gone. We're exes. This isn't what exes do. We're not friends.

But shit we were . That was exactly what we were like before we started anything or knew there was something there. Even during our relationship we felt just like this at times too. Where the hell did we go? Why did I let us go?

The awkward touch we had became more intimate as I decided to gently grab his hand. The eye contact he made was confused but willing. It spoke "why haven't you done this all this time while I'm right here?" Or at least that's what I think.

Our hands interlocked letting go of the paper towel at this point. Eye contact on something serious as we ask questions to each other with them. As I began to lean down on the couch, Ony couldn't stop staring between my eyes and my lips. He eventually and quickly took the dive, trying not to lose the moment. Embers burned and flowed through the air as he began to shift from my power to his. He embarked on leaning my back onto the couch rather than his. Hands splayed in my locs and taking small breaks to breathe before going back in.

Small moans escape my mouth as he's working me. Kisses pressed on my lips were coming down my chin... then my neck as he suckled on my skin. His hands roamed my body slowly. One on the side of my stomach nearing my ass and the other beginning to feel my breast under my shirt. At this point, he's starting to get more vocal, groaning and whispering sweet nothings along my body.

"You know how much I've missed you y/n. How much I've missed this pretty face... this pretty body... and this pretty pussy" he hissed one kiss after another. "Is this all ok? If you're not fine with this of course I'll stop. Tell me what you want."

His asking for consent was always so sexy and those words... damn I missed him and this.

I looked at his lust blown eyes as he looked up to mine from my stomach as he briefly stopped from going lower and lower.

"I want you Q. I'm all yours." My composure is definitely done at this point. He's got me right now.

"Don't worry. You know I will always take care of you." He slurred, slowly sliding my bottoms and panties down and kissing my inner thighs before locking them in his arms. It's been a while since I've been in this position and I've missed it since forever ago.

Slow pecks from my thighs came closer and closer to the apex of them. He must could tell how nervous I was since his thumbs gently rubbed where they laid at to comfort me. Im in love with the way they feel on me.

"So as you can see I do have some hair ri-"

He side eyed me. "Y/n I'm a grown ass man. You know I like my peaches with some fuzz on it. Now can I have my dinner please?"

He can get so forward like this it's making me shy. I rolled my eyes and laid my head back. I never thought I'd be in this predicament.

"Good girl. Just stay just like that baby."

He nestled his lips on my bundle, wrapping them on to gently suck at a slow and smooth pace. His rhythm was gradually fastening and shortly, his lips unattached from my clit to lap at the bundle once more flicking his tongue. He remembers. He always remembers what I like.

Beginning to close my legs from the sensation, he parts me once again lapping at my cunny fervently. Like some undying need that he can't let go. As a "punishment" for me not taking it, he inserts a finger and then a second to make me break even more than I already am.

I plead and moan, "Ony, baby, I'm leaking"

I can barely control my body now. My breath getting fainter as I breathe heavy.

"Good. You know that's what I want." He keeps pumping. Squelching ensues as he becomes infatuated with his doing. "Look at that shit. All for me huh" He asks looking at my fucked out face.

I disappointedly moan when his fingers leave me but he swipes my essence from its trail and sucks his fingers while maintaining eye contact with me. I whimper and squeeze at the sight.

I guess he wanted to finish the job though. I tried to reach over to slip my hand in his boxers just for him to grab my wrist and pin both of my hands down to finish what he started.

It's always like a switch in him when he's like this. So different from the sweet Onyankopon from everyday that everyone knows. So nasty. I love it. I miss it.

He mischievously watches me. "You feel this?" I moan as he pumps his fingers back in me. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and he chuckles. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let me make you cum, princess."

He lowered his head down again as he continued pumping into me. Licking a stripe up my honey and continuing the mess he was creating previously. Languid strokes of his tongue were hitting me just right and my moans started turning to desperate whimpers.

Building me up for a while, he then dipped his muscle into my pussy and interchanging with his fingers, curling them with each stroke. His other hand left my thigh and his thumb began rubbing my clit. Faster and faster he went I started to find my stomach tensing and the air becoming hard to breathe.

In between heavy pants I slip out "O, stop, I'm gonna make a mess!" my eyes rolling to the back of my head and legs lifting and coming together.

He didnt stop and pinned me down pressing on my lower stomach. My moans became octaves higher and higher. He lifted his head from my cunny, "you gon take it and make a mess all over my face. Don't hold back nothing."

With that, he continued his ministrations. My grip on his hair became as tight as it could as I could feel my voice go weak. My legs began to shake as clear liquid lightly sprayed out onto his face and a white ring began to form on his fingers. My pants were beginning to rapidly slow down as I came down from my high, un loosening the death grip I had on his head.

He came back up kissing my cheek then licking my essence off his face and fingers, "Always taste so good." Proceeding to take a rag from my bedroom to clean me up and carrying me to my bed.

Before we even got the chance to speak about what happened, my eyes fell. A nap took over both of us and hours that felt like minutes rolled by.

His arm around me as we slept on our sides felt  like old times. Like something right that I just ripped away from my body. It's so comfortable.

After a dream I couldn't remember, I wake up in a daze, looking behind me to see him knocked out and his arm still around my waist.

Gently moving it off of me, I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom.

"Shit I might as well take a shower"

To be honest, none of this has settled in my head yet. My ex boyfriend who I'm clearly not over in my bedroom after being nasty on the couch is sleeping on my bed... crazy. Real fanfiction kind of shit.

Pushing the light switch up, I notice the bulb illuminate the room. Thank the Lord almighty. I put on my shower cap and get in. I feel myself let go of a breath I didn't know I had when the hot water hits my skin.

This is insane. I shouldn't be hooking up with my ex. I cut it off for a reason... I think. It's gotta be this way for the both of us so nobody gets hurt.

"Bitchhhh" I think to myself in the shower holding my head.

Leaving the bathroom with my towel on, I see my ex looking over at me from his phone, arm now holding his head up to stare me up  and down in awe.

"It's been a while since I seen this view"

I cut my eyes and stand in front of him on my bed. "Look we need to talk- " and my head turned immediately when I heard the front door of the apartment open. Thankfully, my room doors closed, but my girls walked in the apartment gossiping when they called out my name to have our daily debrief of the day.

I cuss at myself and know they probably see the cups of water, candles, and his shoes at the door as they fell silent. Whispering to themselves with words I couldn't make out,  I eventually hear a knock at my door.

I looked at Ony, mortified with a finger to my lips, then took a deep breath, opening the door so they can only see me still in my bath robe.

"Heyyy" I greeted with the awkwardest get out and don't make this weird smile I know.

"Hey mookie, we just wanted to check on you and see if you're good with the electricity going off and everything earlier." One of them said, clearly peeking inside my bedroom to see who's here, eyes widening that it was him before he could move himself. She gave me a look and I gave her one back like we telepathic or something.

"Girl yknow I'm good, just trying to finish this paper" I say hoping she takes the message that I know she's getting from me right now.

"Yeah I'm sure it's realll hard" She said acting like a real smart ass.

With a few more exchanges they go to their rooms to settle down for the night. After hearing both of their doors close I rush back to my room.

"Yeah, you gotta go" picking up his clothes and pushing them to his chest.

"But-"

"Look, I wish there was a better time to talk, but you have to go. This... is strange. We broke up. There's a reason why this ended. I know it was probably stupid of me to let you stay here during the storm, but this wasnt my intention." Pointing at the both of us.

I picked his arm up before he could get a word out to reason with me, clothes just tussled onto his body. If he sweet talks me again I really might not double back this time.

We get to the door and with the least amount of strength he has, he turns his body towards me and gently grabs my hand before I could open the door placing it back by my side.

"Y/n...why are you letting go of us... again? This still doesn't make sense and you know that."

I still. I remember this feeling... this sense of regret. But just like last time, I can't tell if it's the wrong choice or because I don't want to let go.

In truth, Ony feels... familiar. He'll always feel like a memory and I don't want to get too comfortable in his light of nostalgia. He brought such a level of solace in my life that I never wanted to replace. It was even more so after we became official....I don't want to become stagnant because of it. I have my own dreams, my own endeavors, and my own goals that I want to reach. It would be so easy to be a trophy wife to him... and he'd gladly let me. As a woman, I don't want that to be the tell all be all of my life when I know that I had a life before him. I didn't know if I could escape from it then and I definitely don't know now. That's the real reason why I keep shutting him out and probably why we broke up... but he can't know that.

"Because I know we won't end well. We're two different people Ony and this idea that you can just up and think everything is picture perfect for us has to stop now"

He looks in my eyes with such disappointment, then slight anger as his eyebrows pushed together. He opened his mouth to speak again but thought about it and decided not to, closing his eyes in the process. With a heavy huff from his chest, he looked at my eyes one last time for the night before turning away and leaving the complex.

When I shut the door, My girls came out immediately like paparazzi.

"You were over him huh?" One of them snarled at me. "It don't seem that way to me love. Maybe you shouldn't even go to the party tomorrow."

I looked down at the ground and they both took notice of my state. We all went to my bedroom and I explained everything that happened tonight. Their eyes looked at mine with frustration and awe. I held my head knowing their reaction just like they've been telling me for the past 3 months.

"You are not over that boy y/n"

"I think you're confused"

And they're right. I am. But I tell them the same thing I told them every time.

"But when he makes it to the league, what am I going to do? Wag my tail like a dog after him and have niggas tell me that I want his money or that I don't have half his talent for anything like them bitches was saying when we were together? And what if he cheats? He gon have hella girls at his disposable and I'll be feeling stupid like  "I really wasted my time on this nigga". Y'all know how much I love Ony and I was just getting over him too. This is for the best for me right now y'all know that"

They gave each other a look and got up to hug me.

"Whatever decision you choose to make girl you know we got you. Just remember to listen to your heart sometimes"

With that, we said our little goodbyes and retired for the night. Ony on my mind, I went to bed.

Waking up, he is still on my mind. Getting my laptop, I tried to continue the paper but had no will power to do so. The whole morning and afternoon felt like that... no volition and all a blur. Wasting away in my bed after the three different times my girls checked up on me throughout the day I just can't escape him. It doesn't help having the daydream engrained of what could've been present with our past. In that same thought, I hear a buzz on my phone, too in tune with the delusional reaction thinking it could be him.

I look at it to see the ticket for the party tonight that one of my girls sent. I groan and get up, finally deciding to start my day and also prepare myself for tonight.

Hype hoochie music is playing on my speaker and I hear Looking For the Hoes again. I'm thinking of how good everything was before all that happened yesterday. Do I even regret it? Am I blocking my blessings?

I can't let a man distract me from my life though. There's a life before and after him and I have to remind myself of that.

Finally finished with my look and it finally being an hour after the party started, me and my girls head out for the wild night we been planning for months.

What I didn't know was that the line would feel like 3 miles long and realizing we need our ID when we're finally 5 feet before the security. Why are parties this complicated? I don't know. But luckily we all at least have pictures of our ID and got in.

When we step foot into the party, the first thing we see is purple lights illuminating the entire venue. People are scattered everywhere and in every other corner we see the Ques barking and hopping to their stroll.

"Lawd have mercy" one of my homegirls say in love with the ques. Me and the other laugh and roll our eyes.

After some time just standing, we decided to find a small table and sit down with our small get ups. Our drinks from the pregame were starting to kick in after 10 minutes and we were laughing our ass off drunk when we hear "Girl the way you move it got me in a trance-", and that was it. All of us pulled each other to the dance floor and start to turn up. I'm throwing ass on my home girl and catching from the other.

I needed this. Seriously. I forgot how fun it is to be outside in the streets. Seconds later, we hear a scream and laugh from a girl and gasp from the crowd. One of the Ques picked up a girl and started acting like he was eating her out.

We all looked at each other with our jaws dropped. Ain't no wayyyyy. They were not lying bout it getting wild.

Right behind where I see the spotlight shining, about 30 feet away, I saw a face I didn't think I'd see at all. Just as his eyes set in on the scene before him he also saw my eyes and we made eye contact for a brief second.

I turned my body so fast that I almost knocked my home girl over. In the middle of her fussing me out she asked what happened. Naturally, I told her that Ony is at the party.

"Why is a nigga at a Que party is the real question though?"

"Girl unimportant can we please move somewhere else"

We all move to a separate section of the party venue. This can not happen. I'm drunk and I been dancing? I can not see or be around that man right now.

Before I could even get the nightmare out my head, I hear a "Y/n" near my head. I turn around mouth slightly agape to see him once again. Even finer in his put together party get up than his athlete clothes from yesterday. My mind all caught up in him just like last time I'm in a blur of what he's actually saying to me.

"Y/n, why are you here right now?" He whispers yells in my ear from the loud music blasting from the speakers.

I look to my left and right and my homegirls dashed off like the road runner... traitors.

Looking at him once again, eyes low from the drink in my system I ask, "Ony, why would it matter to you? I'm not your girl and you not my man. We single. The real question is why you're at a Que party." Remembering what my homegirl had said to bite back at him.

He fixes his face, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek looking at me clearly frustrated. Just looking at his face he can't leave me alone. Sorry that's just drunk me talking I don't know whats on his mind.

"Y/n, why the hell you been drinking so much? Don't you got a paper to finish?"

"Ony you are not my daddy get up out my face!" I yell at him. "I'm out here having fun with my girls trying to get over YOUR ASS so why can't you just mind yo business!" Oops. My eyes widened, that last part wasn't supposed to come out. Fuck.

Shit, how did he react to that?

Without time for me to look up and see his face or even hear him utter a word, he has my hand in his and leading me somewhere and fast. I'm trying to keep up but it's kind of hard to have good foot and direction coordination in a party like this and off my ass.

With all of the movement feeling like a blur, I found both of us outside of the party venue from some back door. It's slightly raining by the building and the night sky showed a bright orange street light that was our only light source.

He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders to warm me. It's a bit cold. What a gentleman.

"Y/n ... what did you say?"

He stares directly in my eyes with a sense of fervency and hope. One that I can't deny now.

Part 2?

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Authors Note: Hi y'all! I haven’t written fanfic in soooo long but never stopped reading lmao. I loveeee this one so much. It’s Literally the best fic ive done period thus far. I’m trying to think if I should start writing again fr esp for my fictional anime men.

[george-weasleys-girl]

Hii, how are you?

Can I request something from your prompt list? Fred x Ravenclaw, shy and quiet(total opposite of Fred) reader

"I never said I was in love with her!" "Maybe not out loud."

And

"How can I let her know that I worship the ground she walks on, but in, like, a chill way."

Thank you! I love your writing ❤️

Fred x Shy Ravenclaw Reader

~•~

The library is not the place one would think to find Fred Weasley, including Fred himself. The library was for pulling pranks on Filch in the restricted section during the wee hours of the morning, not actual studying. And yet, here he was, chin resting in the palm of his hand, a dreamy gaze on his face, ignoring the open book in front of him. Truthfully, he had no idea what it was about, as he'd grabbed it randomly off a shelf so he could at least appear like he was doing something studious.

"Hey Freddie!" George's voice startled him out of his reverie. "Whatcha up to?" He asked, following his twin's gaze.

"Just, uh, trying to get a bit of studying in," Fred slammed the book closed.

George smirked, picking up the book. "So, what's so engrossing that you forgot we were supposed to start working on our new invention a half hour ago."

Fred looked up at the clock. "Oh shit, sorry Georgie, I must've lost track of time."

"No worries, mate," George said with an absent-minded air, flipping through the book. "An In-Depth Study of Wizarding World Economics. Riveting stuff, no doubt. I can see how time got away from you."

Fred rolled his eyes and snatched the book out of his George's hands before striding out the door. "Are you just going to stand around here wasting time, or are you gonna come help me work on things?"

George chuckled and glanced over at the only reason his twin had graced the library with his presence today. Y/N sat with several other of her fellow Ravenclaws, digging through the mountain of books piled on their table.

Fred had been head over heels for her ever since Professor Sprout paired them up for a project in Herbology. Though he'd never in a million years admit it. George reckoned it was because his twin had no idea how to express himself to someone like Y/N. Most of the time, all Fred would have to do is waggle his eyebrows and give his trademark wink, and girls would be falling all over themselves to get his attention. However, unlike his usual type, Y/N was a shy, quiet bookworm who paid more attention to her newest novel than the flirty overtures of Hogwarts' most notorious prankster and playboy.

~•~

"I think Fred Weasley has a little crush on you," Jess commented as they left the library.

Y/N stared at her friend. "What gives you that crazy idea?"

"Because he barely took his eyes off you the entire time he was in the library."

"Nonsense, he was probably looking at you or Cara. You two are the hottest girls in Ravenclaw."

Jess laughed and nudged Y/N's arm. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

Y/N giggled and shook her head.

"But, in all seriousness," Jess continued. "He was most definitely looking at you and only you."

"Well, even if he was, what am I supposed to do about it?"

"I don't know, talk to him maybe."

Y/N sighed. "You know I have trouble talking to guys."

"Or you could just flash him one of your beautiful smiles," Jess suggested. "At least let him know you're interested. You are interested, right?"

"Yeah, a bit," Y/N looked down to try to hide the heat rising in her cheeks.

~•~

"Hey, are you paying attention?" George asked Fred for the second time in a row.

Fred shook himself. "Of course I'm paying attention."

"Then, what did I just say?"

The older twin crossed his arms. "You asked me if I was paying attention."

George rolled his eyes. "Before that."

"Oh," Fred looked down. "Um..."

"Exactly."

"Dammit, I'm sorry, Georgie. My mind's just somewhere else today."

"Obviously," George replied. "Look, if you're so madly in love with Y/N, why don't you just ask her out."

His twin's eyes went wide. "I never said I was in love with her!"

"Maybe not out loud," George said.

Fred sighed. "Is it that obvious?"

"A blind man could see it, Freddie."

"Great...so the whole school knows?"

"Well, I wouldn't say the whole school," George said. "Just all of Gryffindor and half of Ravenclaw. And maybe a few Hufflepuffs. And probably one or two Slytherin."

"You're not helping," Fred groaned.

"Ok, ok, sorry," George chuckled. "You could just try talking to her, you know."

"Oh gee, why didn't I think about that?"

"I'm serious, mate. Talking to girls is, like, second nature to you."

"Yeah, but Y/N's different. She's not like the other girls I've dated."

"Oh, you mean like the ones I have to peel off of you with a putty knife?" George asked with a bemused grin.

"Well, yeah," Fred grinned. "But it's more than that. She's the first girl that I've ever really liked, you know, like as a girlfriend and not just a fun fling."

"That's a good thing," George said. "All the more reason to talk to her."

"But she's so sweet and shy. I don't want to come on too strong and scare her off or anything." Fred ran his fingers through his hair. "How can I let her know that I worship the ground she walks on, but in, like, a chill way?"

~•~

Today wasn't the first time the twins had skipped school, nor would it be the last. After receiving a bit of birthday money from their great-aunt, they decided a trip to Hogsmede was in order, sneaking off after breakfast. Neither of them expected to run into another Hogwarts student. And they certainly didn't expect that student to be Y/N.

Honeydukes appeared to be empty of customers when they bounded through the door. For the first time in a while, Fred's mind was on something other than Y/N.

"Our pranks are getting a little lackluster," he said, facing George as he walked backward down the aisle. "We need to make them bigger and better." To emphasize his point, Fred threw his arms out wide as they rounded the corner and felt the back of his hand connect with someone's face.

~•~

Y/N didn't skip school often. It was only when the stress of Hogwarts life got too much that she sought the peaceful atmosphere of Hogsmede during its downtime.

With finals looming on the horizon and a massive research paper for Potions due by Friday, she'd barely lifted her nose from the grindstone in the past few weeks. Add to that her friends' relentless teasing over the Fred Weasley situation, and it was enough to make her scream.

Y/N needed a day off. And she took it, arriving at Honeydukes just minutes after it opened.

Less than a half hour later, she sat sprawled on the floor, dazed, her candy strewn around her in every direction as she tried to figure out what in the hell hit her.

"Are you ok?" Fred knelt down beside her. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I had no idea you were there."

"You're what hit me?" Y/N turned her head to look at him. "And right between the eyes, too."

"It was an accident!" Fred stammered. "I swear I didn't see you. We thought we were the only customers in the place."

"That's true," George confirmed, picking up the scattered sweets. "The place is usually pretty dead during the week."

"Oh-yeah--right. It's ok. It's not all your fault. My mind was a million miles away. I should've been paying more attention," Y/N gave a small smile and moved to stand up. Now that the shock had worn off, her cheeks burned at the thought of how ridiculous she must look right now.

"Here, let me help you," Fred offered his hand. She nodded and let him help her up.

"Thanks," she said, taking her basket of candy from George. "I should go pay for my stuff."

As she turned away, Fred spoke. "Hey, um, could I buy you lunch? As a way to make up for almost knocking you out."

Y/N tried to calm her pounding heart while her mind raced almost too fast for her to keep up. The idea of having lunch with Fred Weasley both terrified and thrilled her. Because despite what she'd said to her friends, she did like Fred. More than she wanted to admit. Secretly, she'd hoped he'd ask her out. But not like this. What even was this? It wasn't a date. Or was it? Were all her friends right? Did he really like her, too? Or was this just a friendly gesture? And besides, what would she even talk about? She wasn't prepared at all. Conversing had been easy during their project. She just kept to the subject matter. But, small talk? She sucked at small talk...

"Y/N? Are you sure you're ok?" Fred stepped toward her. George stood behind him, a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry." The heat rose up in her cheeks again. Dammit.

"I could walk you back to castle if you'd prefer," Fred offered.

As nervous as Y/N was about having lunch with him, it wasn't enough to tempt her to go back to Hogwarts yet. "Um, no, I-I'm ok," she assured him. "Lunch sounds nice."

~•~

"You're the last person I expected to see here today," Fred commented to Y/N while they waited for food at the nearly empty Three Broomsticks.

She gave a sheepish smile and shrugged. "I've been stressing over finals and everything. I needed a break."

"I thought Ravenclaws didn't stress over school," George said.

Y/N almost snorted Butterbeer through her nose. "We stress over school more than anyone else. Why do you think we're studying all the time?"

"She does have a point," Fred agreed, garnering a warm smile from the shy Ravenclaw.

~•~

The sun was setting when Fred and Y/N stood outside Ravenclaw Tower. After spending an afternoon with the infamous Weasley twins, any lingering nerves she had were long gone.

"I had a really fun time today," Y/N said.

"Me too," he grinned. "You know, I was thinking, if you want, we could do this again sometime. Just you and me, though."

"I'd like that a lot."

"Really?! Okay, great!" Fred all but bounced in place. "So, it's a date?"

"Yeah, it's a date," Y/N confirmed, a smile spreading across her face.

~•~

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @zvummyummy @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @imshiningjustforyou @nighttimemoonlover @jsjcue @wzrd-wheezes @fredweasleyyyyy @hufflepuffie @alexistonks @princess-paramour @anvaaryn @lastwandastan @samshifts @asuperconfusedgirl @superduckmilkshake @mysticsheepsoul @gemofthenight @1lellykins @junerprsh @sierraluvz @wolfkill16

[niuniente]

Regarding fandoms and comments, I've recently had negative comments that tell me I'm not good and should just quit writing. Well, it worked. I no longer am able to write without it affecting my mental state. People who do the bullying do it to get rid of authors they don't like that doesn't fit their mindset. When does it end? I didn't want it to hurt my mental health and get me to quit, but it did.

People treating each other badly whenever they can never ceases to make me sad.

I try to think the quote "hurt people hurt people" when dealing with negative people. Happy, balanced people, who view others as their equals, have no need to leave negative comments, send hate messages etc. to others just because they can.

Take a little break but don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love! I try to keep this mentality and I always think about how Billy Idol (80's famous singer) just kept pushing forward whenever someone or something said no to him:

When he was a child, he wanted to play a guitar. Parents said "No, you can only play a violin" -> Billy secretly got himself a guitar with 5£ at the age of 9 and learned to play it by himself.

His teenage girlfriend dyed his hair white. Everyone said it looked horrible on him -> Billy kept the white hair and made it his trademark.

He discovered punk and FINALLY managed to put a band together in his late teens. Too bad that London, where he lived, had closed all bars and pubs from punk bands. They weren't legally allowed to play anywhere. -> Billy and a few other guys established their own place for all punk bands, where all where welcome to play.

He went to university to study music. He was bullied and ostracized by other students as he was too weird, too freaky looking and listened to punk instead of jazz -> He was lonely but staid in the school and kept his looks and music taste.

He started to dislike being a band member and wanted to have a solo career. Everyone said you can't make it, you suck, you can't make compose a shit -> Billy decided to start a solo career as Billy Idol anyway.

When he started to get a little footing in the Europe, he decided that he wants to go to USA. It would give him better markets and more chances to succeed. Too bad that Europe's most famous punk band, Sex Pistols, has just epically failed in their attempts to make it in the USA. America hated punk and Billy Idol was nobody compared to Sex Pistols. Everyone called him delusional for having such stupid dreams. -> Billy went to USA anyway

In America, all record labels he went to said the same thing; you will never make it here. You sing punk and we hate it. You sing with British English and we hate it. You look so fucking ugly that no one will come to see you. If you want to succeed here, you need to change your music style for radio friendly stuff, change your accent and change your looks. -> Billy thought that if singing with American accents helps, he does it. Otherwise, fuck you. This is the music he wants to do and this is his style and how he wants to look. -> This decision led him to become super famous. Everyone loved his music and the fucking ugly guy became one of the 80's sex symbols, and his music videos were literally directed to sell with sex to the female audience.

Also, it was told him with dead certainty by many people that your music will never play in radios. EVER. Well, what do you know, his music still plays in the radios, 40 years later :3

So, keep going! Keep writing! There's audience for every single style out there and just because some asshat wasn't impressed, it doesn't mean others wouldn't like your stuff.

I mean, how much emphasis do we want to put into asshats words anyway? Which matters more; some random asshat's feelings or our own joy and inspiration when we do something creative?

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 | 𝐬𝐨 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞

⬷ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 ┊ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: minho x felix (minlix)

genre: dancer!minho/artist!felix. brothers best friend troupe. college au. age gap (abt 4 years). minho pov. extremely dark themes throughout, including smut - MDNI, 18+ only.

word count: 4.7k

the playlist 🗡️

a/n: half of this chapter was fluffy and cute, and the other half was incredibly angsty lmao. sorry about that guys, but I just can't seem to HELP ITTT when it comes to minlix!! 😩😭 I just finished writing chapter 10 for this fic... idk how long its gonna be, but I still have a few more ideas for chapters I wanna do, so I'm aiming for around 15 total - but we'll see if that changes depending on how I feel and shit 😜 hope you guys are enjoying, and thanks for all the love and support~ 🤍

🗡️ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋback to navigation! ࿐ྂ

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

̶﹒⊹﹒ɪ sᴇᴇ ᴀ sᴀᴅ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ sɪɴɴᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀ ！،، 🌌  𖥻 𓂃 ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴠɪʟ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ʜᴀʀᴅ, ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴍʏ ʟɪᴠᴇʀ╰╮ 🌑

As it turns out, by the grace of all things and every God high up in the sky, Minho and Hyunjin ended up passing their exam with final colors. Their professor loved the contemporary part of their dance, and it was well-received across the entire class.

  With one of the biggest exams for the semester done and over with, Minho found that he had more time to himself for once. He only worked his part time gig at the arts studio three times a week, so when he wasn’t busy helping with the teaching, he was back at home in his dorm, studying up the material he had missed for the past few weeks because of that stupid exam.

  “You’ve been awfully focused these past few days, I’m surprised…” Chris said, breaking Minho out of his daze of thought. He was curled up on their living room couch, furiously typing away at his laptop’s keyboard. 

  Looking up from his screen, he stared at Chris who was busy devouring a bowl of rice with spam he had just made for himself. He had just got back from the campus gym, so he was subsequently drenched in sweat. 

  “Yeah, I’ve got a lot to catch up on since one of our biggest technical exams is finally done.” Minho said, taking a glance at his phone and seeing the few texts he had missed while he was focused on studying. 

  Looking at the time, he read that it was just past eight in the evening. 

  The texts were all from Felix.

  Minho’s heart skipped incremental beats as he unlocked his phone and scrolled through the text thread. 

  Today 

8:13pm

  I know youre probably busy with work or homework… But I wish we could hangout sometime. 

  Sorry if that sounds really fucking weird, its just— this week’s been a lot. 

  Instantly, Minho felt his fingers typing out a response. 

  Chris is leaving soon to go to work. If you want, you can come over to our place. 

  In the back of his mind, Minho could sense the urgency of Felix’s tone. A tiny voice inside of him whispered warnings— that inviting him over wasn’t a good idea and he should stay out of Felix’s way. Yet Felix texted him back in an instant. 

  I’ll be over in an hr. I’ll bring my homework and we can study together :) 

  Just like that, Minho was turning to Chris and watching him place his bowl into the dishwasher. “Are you still going to the studio with Changbin to work?” He asked, trying to seem nonchalant. Like he hadn’t just invited his best friend’s little bother over when he knew Chris wouldn’t be home. 

  But there was no crime in that. There was nothing in the friend code or university code that said you couldn’t hang out with your friend’s little brother. 

  “Mhm— I just gotta take a quick shower then we’re meeting up for a couple drinks before working,” Chris said, walking out of the kitchen and towards his bathroom. He tore off his shirt, displaying sculpted abs and chiseled arms. “Probably won’t be home til early tomorrow morning. You know how much Changbin loves to change tracks up at the last fucking minute.”

  Minho let out a tiny chuckle at that. Changbin could be incredibly decisive at times, and it drove Chris crazy. But his best friend also realized that Changbin was a genius, and Chris had never regretted a song they had changed based on Changbin’s feelings. “Well just text me when you’re heading back, yeah? So I can make us breakfast or some shit…” Minho wailed across the dorm as Chris closed the door to the bathroom. 

  He heard a faint “will do” just as the shower turned on. And with that, Minho leaned back into the cushions of the sofa, taking in a deep breath. His legs shook a little bit, and his heart was still thrumming in his throat. Even still, he made to focus on his computer screen and homework instead of thinking about the night ahead. 

  The hour passed by in a quick flutter of movement on Chris’ end of slow heartbeats on Minho’s end. Within thirty minutes, Chris was showered and out the door, waving Minho a silent goodbye since he had his headphones on. Immediately, Minho was able to relax into his spot. 

  But not for long, because soon after there came a stark knock on the door. 

  Minho didn’t even register he was getting up from the sofa and that his legs were moving until his arm was reaching out and opening the door. 

  And just like that, there Lee Felix was. 

  Standing in the limelight of the dorm behind Minho’s back, he smiled up at Minho with shining teeth and pretty pink lips. 

  Felix was dressed head-to-toe in pink. He was wearing an oversized baby pink and white knitted checker sweater, with dark pink shorts to match and a fushica puffer coat to match. 

  “Hi.” Is all Felix said, smile glinting up at Minho, blonde tresses a little wind-swept from the walk over to his dorm. 

  Leaning against the doorframe, he widened it a bit to open up a gap. “Come on inside, it’s drafty out here in the hallway.” Minho ushered him forward, and as Felix slipped through the threshold, Minho caught whiff of his sweet scent - of strawberries and cream and everything good in the world. 

  Felix gently placed a bag down on the counter, taking out a bag of chips and some candy. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought snacks. I can never study on an empty stomach.” 

  Minho just leaned against the fridge in the kitchen, watching as Felix’s delicate fingers opened up the bag of peach rings. “You don’t have to apologize about bringing food over, Lix. I get it, trust me.” Minho’s focus landed on Felix’s legs, the skin there smooth and milky. His booty-shorts were so fucking short, Minho could make out about half of his pert asscheeks. Minho grabbed ahold of Felix’s jacket as he began to take it off, hanging it up in the nearby closet. “Aren’t you… cold?” He asked, motioning with his eyes up and down the length of Felix. 

  The younger man simply chuckled lightly, grabbing his tote bag from off the kitchen counter and trailing over to the living room. “Nah, I get really hot in the library so I don’t let to dress in thick layers.” 

  “That’s where you were when you texted me?”

  Shrugging slowly, Felix perched himself in one of the corners of the couch, slipping out his drawing pad. “Yeah, I— I couldn’t really focus there today. Thought maybe a change of scenery would give me some inspo.” 

  Minho took a playful bow of courtesy, slinking back to his own spot on the other end of the couch. “Glad our dorm could be of service to your studying then.” He gave Felix an easy smile, positioning his laptop back on top of him. 

  It was silent for a few minutes, as they focused on their own work. Minho always liked to play music when he worked, and he mostly liked jazz. So the soft jazz coming from his laptop played in the background in a relaxing kind of way. 

  “How are you… otherwise?” Minho started, not taking his attention away from his screen and he continued the research he needed to get done for one of his midterm papers. “Over text you said this week’s been hard.” 

  Felix was quiet for a few moments, seeming to gather his thoughts. In the background, Minho could hear the distinct sound of a pencil scribbling against paper. “Yeah, uh— just bullshit with my friends, that’s all. Drama like that really drains me, ya know?” 

  “You wanna talk about it?” Minho asked, scrolling through the internet to find anything that was relevant to his research. 

  “Not really… I don’t wanna be a bother.” 

  That made Minho stop in his tracks. 

  His eyes slinking away from his computer screen, he gave Felix a knowing look. “You’re never a bother, Lixie. And talking about your problems can help relieve some of the tension sometimes.” 

  Felix ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and Minho swallowed around the lump he felt in his throat at the sight of his earring-covered lobes glinting in the lamplight of the living room. “I know— I just… I wish I had friends who weren’t so wishy-washy all the fucking time. It’s exhausting sometimes.”

  “Hmm, that makes sense…” Minho started, resting his head against the back of the plush sofa. “But, from the looks of everyone at the party that night, it seems like your friends have— a lot on their plates to begin with.” By a lot, Minho meant substance abuse. But there was no way in hell he was going to grill into Felix about his choice of friends just then. Not when he could sense Felix really needed him in that moment. 

  After that, Felix grew quiet again. Minho took a peek over to his corner of the sofa and noticed his hand moving across the canvas paper, drawing an outline of a human shape. His nimble fingers moved so fast, it felt like Minho blinked and he was already done shading the outline. In that moment, he realized just how talented Felix was. 

  “What are you working on?” Minho finally asked, pressing his spine into the couch to get a better look. His focus was entirely too much focused on Felix in that moment, but he couldn’t help it. 

  Felix turned his sketchbook towards him. “It has to be a human portrait centered around romantic realism. I just can’t seem to fucking find inspiration.” 

  Making a funny pose on the sofa, Minho wiggles his eyebrows at Felix. “What? And I’m not your muse?” 

  “God, you’re so fucking stupid— just… shut up.” Felix laughed, chucking a nearby pillow at Minho’s face. But Minho’s reflexes were incredibly fast from dancing all the time, so he caught it mid air and threw it back at Felix’s stomach. He let out a squeak of surprise, not expecting Minho to move so quickly. “You are a menace.”

  “Yeah but you love it…” 

  Minho didn’t know why he said what he said. The words just… seemed to slip out of his mouth, before he was even registering what he was saying. 

  Felix just stared at him for a few moments after that, before he stood up from the sofa abruptly. “Imma grab some snacks, I’ll be right back.” 

  He was fleeing the scene. Leaving Minho’s side because he had made the situation uncomfortable. He had fucked up, like always. So he decided to focus back on his research. Felix returned soon after, a bag of chips and two drinks in hand. 

  “Is that… soju?” Minho raised an eyebrow Felix’s way, his heart skipping a little bit at the thought of Felix drinking alcohol. That definitely wasn’t a good mix for either of them. Or for Minho’s heart. 

  Shrugging nojcholantalty — like drinking alcohol while trying to study isn’t something out of the ordinary for him — Felix pushed one of the cans towards Felix across the living room’s coffee table. “Sometimes liquor helps me focus better— gives me inspiration, in a weird way.”

  Just then, Felix made to roll his sweater’s sleeves up. Minho tried not to be nosy, or pushy. But he couldn’t help his eyes trailing after Felix’s arms. They were bandaged up or raw anymore. Instead, the fresh scars were completely healed and fading into the myriad of other ones. 

  He knew it wasn’t his place to pry or to even feel concerned. They had barely spoken in over five years, and him blowing up at the party that night was one of the causes for Felix to start again. But even still, he felt a huge weight lift off of his shoulders at the sight of Felix healing again. By the looks of it, it seemed like he had been clean for a while. And Minho hated himself so much for the fact that he was a part of ruining that journey. 

  “I’m fine, Min. Don’t worry.” 

  Felix’s voice cascaded around Minho’s ears, soft and quiet. Forcing him out of his daze of thought that he had gotten lost in by staring at Felix’s arms. Minho could feel the expression on his face melt just a little bit, as he watched Felix eat a couple of salty shrimp chips and take a long swig of his grape-flavored soju. 

  “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He found himself saying, reaching across the sofa and giving Felix’s bare knee a light squeeze. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, even if it’s just by a tiny bit.” 

  Motioning with a tilt of his head, Felix gave Minho an easy smile. “Now quit distracting me, because we both have work to do.” 

  After that, the entire dorm fell into a serene kind of quiet. The hours passed by, the clock ticking gradually with each assignment that Minho got done. He was surprised to find how focused he was, with half a bottle of peach-flavored soju in his system and an increment amount of potato chips filling his belly. 

  Even still, the quiet presence of another person right beside him helped to comfort him into an ease of focus. Felix had turned on a relaxing ambiance on the tv, so along with Minho’s jazz playlist still running, the sound of crickets and wind chimes played in the background. 

  Felix was altogether very quiet, completely honed in on his craft. And he was right— the alcohol did seem to give him some form of inspiration. He sat cross-legged next to Minho, and the older man distinctly noticed, in the back of his mind, how with each hour that passed, Felix grew a little closer to him on the couch. 

  By the time midnight rolled around, they had been studying for a good four hours. Minho’s brain felt like mush from reading and writing so much, so he decided to give it a break for the night. Turning to Felix’s place beside him, he realized that the younger one was gone from his spot. 

  He was so focused on his computer, he hadn’t noticed him get up from the sofa and trail over to the bathroom. Felix notebook was laid out on the coffee table, and Minho’s temptation got the better of him. 

  Honestly, he couldn’t help it. 

  Minho’s hands were holding onto it’s thick binding before he even thought better of it, fingers gently flipping through the pages. There was all kinds of compositions— of landscapes, outfit ideas, food. But he stopped his flipping when he got to a… certain page. 

  The character that Felix had drew was smudged at the edges, the lines indiscreet and fluid with the movement of the person. By the looks of the broad shoulders and muscular legs, Minho assumed it was a man. The coloring of the piece was in shades of dark charcoal and pencil-grey. Altogether, it was a beautiful drawing. It looked like the man was in the middle of an intense dance segment, arms spread out and legs twisting as he rolled over into his next routine. 

  In the corner of the piece, Minho could make out a small, black bird. 

  It was a… 

  Raven. 

  Upon realization of what the smudged shape in the corner of the page was, Minho could feel his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. 

  Because… 

  The raven had always been his favorite bird. 

  He remembers the deep talks him and Felix used to have in their childhood, about the raven and other birds like it. About how relatable they were and how misunderstood they were. 

  Just like that, the feeling of all the puzzles piecing clicking together throbbed inside Minho’s head. 

  The drawing was… based on him. 

  Fuck, it was him. 

  The character, with it’s greyed lines and romantic fluidity was Minho.

  He couldn’t stop staring at the page, his eyes drawn on the raven that was perked in the corner, looking down on the dancing figure. 

  And before he could even make his mind up on what the drawing was actually about, the sketchbook was getting ripped out of his hands abruptly. 

  Minho’s head shot up, eyes wide as he met Felix’s stormy gaze. 

  “I told you I don’t like people looking at my personal work.”

  “But you failed to mention how I am drawn in your personal work.” Minho pushed back, watching as the fury starting brewing on Felix’s face. It darkened his eyes and caused his lips to flatten out into a straight line. 

  Felix walked over to his side of the couch, shoving his supplies and sketchbook into his canvas bag. But his movements were a little bit halted, his cheeks a little pink. The bastard was drunk already, with just one bottle of soju.

  “What do you know about my artwork? You have no idea who my muse is—” Felix said under his breath in that deep voice of his that he only got when he was upset. Then he was pulling away from the sofa and giving Minho a sardonic kind of grin. “Thanks for the invite. It’s been… enlightening.” 

  Minho could feel his heart breaking a little bit in his chest. 

  Why had he been so stupid? 

  Fuck— why had he looked at that stupid sketchbook, when on the first day of their meeting Felix had explicitly told him he didn’t like people looking at his art? 

  But he couldn’t seem to help it in that quiet moment— the book had called out to him, prompting him to grab ahold of it even against his better judgement. And then he found the drawing of him and he couldn’t stop—

  He reached out to Felix just as he was passing his side of the couch. And before he could think any better, Minho was grabbing ahold of Felix’s wrist and stopping him from moving with a gentle tug. “Lix, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to pry, I had no right to,” he started, his touch around Felix’s wrist forcing the younger man to turn and look down at him. He was still frowning, but the furrow in his brow was gone and Minho could already feel his resolve melting slowly. “And I don’t mind. Being your muse, I mean. I find it— flattering.”

  “Who said anything about you being it?” Felix asked, but the way that the words trembled on his lips a little bit, Minho could gauge that he had hit the nail on the head.

  Then, Minho’s other hand was persuading Felix to drop his tote bag on the floor. That prompted Felix to stare down at him with wide eyes. Slowly, Minho brought Felix close to him. He was still sitting down on the couch, but his laptop was long gone from his sight and closed. 

  “Please, stay. I like having you here,” Minho said in a quiet whisper, both his hands squeezing Felix’s a little bit. Then their fingers were slipping between each other’s easily, and Minho caressed the soft flesh of his palms. “Besides, you’re too tipsy to make it home tonight. It’s too risky.”

  “You don’t actually want me here tonight, Minho. You just don’t want something happening to me when I leave here—” 

  “Don’t say that. You have no idea what I want.” Minho’s words interrupted Felix’s tipsy, pity-induced speech.  

  Brushing his fingers against Minho’s, Felix stared down at him. His gaze had shifted a tiny bit, his cheeks coloring a brighter shade of pink. “Oh yeah? And what’s that… Minho?” Minho’s name curled and danced off of Felix’s tongue like the sweet whisperings of a mysterious faerie. 

  Coming a little closer to his space on the couch, Felix squeezed Minho’s hands. And with one look at him, one look at his messy blonde tresses and the way his pink oversized sweater swallowed up his entire frame, the way his hot pink booty shorts had ridden up on his thighs even more throughout the night…

  Minho already knew the answer to Felix’s question. 

  He had known since day one. 

  He had just been too afraid to face it. 

  To come to terms with all of his feelings, thoughts, and wants. 

  But for once, he was tired of running. 

  He was tired of being the first one to leave. To pull away. To end things. 

  So in that moment, Minho did the only thing his half-soju-addled brain could process. 

  “You're what I want. What I've always fucking wanted,” Minho whispered finally, his words halting everything else in the dorm around them. 

 The energy between them shifted, and for a moment, Felix was still staring down at him with red cheeks. Still holding his hand and studying Minho's face and the older man stared up at him from his seat on the couch. 

  Then, all of the life was draining from Felix's face. Minho watched it happen right in front of him, as Felix yanked away from his grasp altogether and straightened himself again. 

  "You're more ridiculous than my high friends, Minho." Is all he said, before he was taking ahold of his tote bag again and grabbed his empty soju bottle. "But I'm not even surprised, because you've always been like this." 

  Frowning Felix's way, Minho watched as he neared the kitchen and tossed the bottle into the recycling bin. "Been like what? What the fuck are you talking about Felix-" His voice was short, matching Felix's clipped one. 

  Turning around, Felix leaned against the kitchen counter and leveled Minho with a dark glare. "Don't fucking pretend like you didn't just tell me last week that you wanted to be only friends," waving a finger in the air and shaking his head in disbelief, Felix's tone grew louder in his anger. "Don't fucking play with me like that Minho, I won't take that bullshit from anyone... but especially not from you!" 

  Minho was silent for a second, watching as the rage flooded Felix's entire system as he slipped on his shoes to leave. Minho was standing up from the couch before he even registered his own movement, and was speaking before he even understood what he was truly saying. 

  "Why? Because you're constantly led on with your stupid one night stands?" 

  Throwing his hands up into the air in a form of defeat, Felix turned to him and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Oh God- here comes the slut shaming. Everyone act surprised, the campus' resident bookworm is slut shaming again!!" 

  Now Minho's voice was growing louder, matching Felix' energy. But yet, he was still moving closer to him. And now that the younger male was shoving his arms through his jacket, Minho was already near the kitchen counter. "I didn't call you that, Felix. I'm just saying- don't act like it doesn't affect you when you and I both know that it does." 

  Pointing a finger at Minho, Felix shook it in a venous kind of way. Eyes narrowing into slits, he threw daggers Minho's way as the words slipped from his mouth in an icy tone. "You're just jealous because everyone else gets to fuck me but you don't." 

  "Don't put words in my mouth when you have no idea what you're talking about." 

  "But it's true, right?? It's why you stormed out of the party that night like a little baby throwing a tantrum. It why you got mad at me at the elevator and it's why you avoided me after the fact." 

  Minho could feel his heart race against his ribcage then, the fury building up inside of him. It coated his throat in a dry feeling, lighting up his veins and making his fists clench at his sides. "Don't act like you're the innocent one here when you're slutty ass was doing shit to make me jealous in the first place." 

  Felix threw another glare his way, his one a lot darker than the last and his eyes dancing with a murky tirade of emotions. However, at that moment, all Minho could pick out was blind fury and wrath. Much like how he assumed he looked. 

  Leaning his back against the front entryway's coat closet, Felix stared up at Minho with a dark stare. His gaze was drawing the older man in, until they were but a few steps away from each other in the small space there.

  "Yeah and it worked, didn't it? You liked it." Felix started a sly kind of smirk spreading across his mouth. The kind that wasn't full of playfulness, but instead poison. "You're so fucking predictable, it's comical sometimes-" 

  "Just shut up already." Minho blurted out, running a frustrated hand through his hair as he stared Felix down. And against his better judgement, against all things he knew were right - he couldn't help but think about how pretty and perfect Felix looked just then... backed up against a wall, into a corner, peering up at him with a swarthy gaze and a firm line in his lips. 

  Fuck, he looked really hot. 

  "You can't tell me what to do." The way the words slipped from Felix's lips came out in a bratty kind of tone. "You're not the boss of me. I'm an adult now, I can do and say whatever the hell I want." 

  "If you don't shut up I'll literally-" 

  "Make me." Felix cut Minho off, raising a dark eyebrow his way. 

  "What?" Minho asked incredulously, now only a hands-reach away from Felix who was still pressed up against the closet's door. Still holding his bag in one hand and dressed in his coat. 

  "I said, make me. If you want me to shut up so badly then-"

  Felix's bratty tone, and the way he was glaring up at Minho with his arms folded, was the last straw to break the camel's back. 

  Pointing a finger towards the door, Minho tilted his head towards it. "Get the fuck out. Right now." 

  His words seemed to startle Felix out of his stupor of anger, his focus breaking and his eyes melting a little bit. But then the frown was returning and he was once again glaring at him. "And what are you gonna do, force me?"

  "No, I'll just tell Chris." 

  Felix scoffed incredulously which was quickly followed by a dry, mirthless laugh. "You act like us hanging out in a grave sin to humanity." 

  "To Chris, it would be." 

  "You don't even know him like that- you have no idea what you're talking about." 

  With that, Minho strode over to the door, unlocking the deadbolt and grabbing ahold of the handle. "And yet... you guys haven't had a sit-down conversation in over four years. Funny, but I think I know him a little better these days than you, Lixie." Minho drawled on in a low voice it was just barely above a whisper. He was taunting the younger man with the endearing nickname, saying it with as little emotion as he could muster.

  "You being seen with me isn't a fucking crime." Felix seethed, and Minho watched as his knuckles turned white from holding onto his bag a little too hard. And yet, he neared the door. Walked into Minho's space and stepped through the threshold as he opened it. 

  Then Felix was completely out of the dorm, peering up at Minho with dark, slitted eyes and thinly-pressed lips. Leaning against the doorframe, Minho looked Felix up and down with a slow gaze. 

  "Try to tell that society when they find out an adult fucked a child." 

  "And then society will lose their minds when they find out the 'adult' was only eighteen and the child who fucking wanted it was a teenager." 

  Running a frustrated hand through his hair, Minho caught Felix's eyes. Their gazes held there for a few seconds, in the delicate limbo they were perched on - not quite saying what they meant, but instead speaking in twisting words and lies. 

  Grabbing ahold of the doorknob again, Minho began closing it. Shutting Felix out, once again. "A child never wants that kinda shit, Felix." He said, eyes flicking down to the bag on his shoulder. "Good luck with your project." 

  And then Minho was slamming the door in Felix's face, steadily locking it. 

  Then, he was pressing his back against the wood of the frame, 

  Sinking down, down, down, 

  Until he was sitting on the chilled tiled floor, 

  Head in his hands, dark locks yanked between his fingers,

  Warm tears cascading down his chilled skin. 

  He had always been so, so fucking stupid. 

  Since the very beginning.

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

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[onlyang3ll]

hellooo I adore ur blog and was wondering that since ur requests are open.. can you write about rafe being y/n's first boyfriend - maybe they are back from college but went to the same hs

an: hi hope you enjoy this and my take on this request !!! writing on my phone so bare with me! B nice to me pls i don’t like this but i wanna get some stuff out for you all!!

warnings: mean girls!!! swearing. kissing. not proofread

people would have never assumed little old timid you would ever date big bad rafe cameron. but here we are. first visit back home from college, holding hands walking into the country club.

you and rafe didn’t speak in highschool, didn’t have the same friend group. actually had nothing in common. at least that’s what it felt like at the time. but college changed that. you two had almost every class together.

started studying together because it was easier being from the same place. a sense of familiarity even without being super familiar. rafe was a known d bag to most people. but once you got to know him it was hard not fall head over heels.

“bro when did this happen?” kelce walked up with his hands gesturing to you two, topper was the only friend of rafes that knew of our relationship besides our families.

“bro.. none of your business” rafe mocked him. pulling a chair out at the table his friends sat at, you were quiet anxious because you didn’t hang with this group of people in highschool. they were the ones making fun of you for being a prude or goody two shoes. “sit down, baby” rafe spoke softly.

you took a seat and he sat down in the chair next to you. for a while rafe made small talk with his guy friends, eventually topper got there and he spoke to you more than the others.

topper always said he was so glad rafe found me and that i was the toughest girl out there being able to deal with his shit.

“rafe i didn’t know you were back in town!” some blonde shouted and walked over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him. you froze, you didn’t have to deal with girls noticing rafe at college because it was always just you two and your group of friends.

rafe was never a player in your eyes because that wasn’t the rafe you met and got to know. he took the girls arms from around him, and nodded. “yup we decided to come back for the weekend” he pulled your hand into his lap and rubbed it softly with his thumb.

“we?” the girl asked with a dumb founded look on her face. “we. me and my girlfriend” he stated. she glanced over and gave a half ass smile. “oh… i didn’t know you guys were a thing”

you looked at her and gave a fake half smile back, “yup we are a thing. very much a thing” you spoke up, and rafe just smiled at you. “anyways, top i hope to see you at my party later tonight” you let out a small laugh at how quick she was to give her attention to a different guy in the group.

the girl walked away, “hey I’m gonna go to the bathroom” you leaned in speaking softly to rafe. he nodded, “okay baby, I’ll be right here” you give him a soft kiss and head to the restrooms.

“honestly i don’t know what he sees in that freak. I don’t even think she said one word in highschool” you heard a the voice of the girl that was just trying to talk to your boyfriend, and stopped to listen.

“rafe doesn’t date, maybe he is using her for something. would not be the first time he has done that with a girl.” another girl chimed in, and they laughed.

your anxiety spiked. and the rest of the time spent with rafe and his friends you stayed quiet. the girls comments consuming your entire head. you didn’t want to believe that rafe would use you and you wouldn’t lie and say the thought of not being good enough didn’t cross your mind often.

you were some book freak, virgin when you and race got together. he never said things to make you feel insecure but you couldn’t help it.

rafe could tell something was off, I’m his truck on the drive back to his family home where you guys were staying at this weekend and looked over at you. “you okay, bunny?”

you snapped out of your daze and looked at him shaking your head, “I’m fine, just taking in the sights” you smiled. he didn’t buy it, pulling into the driveway he parked. he got out and went over to open your door like always, and you turned to get out but he stood in front of you keeping you in the car. “tell me what’s wrong please?”

you sighed, “i over heard that girl and her friends talking about me..” rafe frowned, “what the hell did those bimbos have to say?” you shook your head, “they just said how you don’t date and that they don’t know what you see in me” you felt a tear fall from your eye and he sighs.

“baby don’t give them your tears, it’s not worth it. they are jealous of you. fuck em” he states matter of factly. you giggle a little at the last thing he said. “you are the only girl for me, i wish i could back in time and make you mine sooner.” he cupped your cheeks and gave your forehead a swift kiss.

“you mean that?” you whispered. “fuck yeah i mean that. you’re it for me baby. like it or not you’re stuck with me” he smiled. “oh wow what a punishment that is” you tease him. “you know when you get sassy it gets me going, and we have dinner with my parents in ten minutes so hold off on that missy” he helps you out of his truck.

“yes sir,” you wave your hand at him playfully. “that does too” he jokes, and taps your bum gently. “let’s go before i keep you to myself for the rest of the night”

[spearheadrampancy]

So... if you don't mind me asking how've you been?

hoo boy. yeah. tldr: alive!

quite a fair chunk of shit happened i think. when i redownloaded the app i weighed up if i was gonna make a post abt what's happened, but ultimately decided against it bc i wasnt sure how active i was gonna be. looks like the answer is very, so i might as well for anyone who's curious (:

on with the details in no particular order!

just before we stopped posting, we mentioned how the company we worked for announced big profits, an expenses-paid trip for the top employees, and also the tiny small news that the team we were on was getting downsized from 20 ppl total to about 3 (6 to 1 for my role specifically). well, we did end up losing our job completely because the company was unwilling to make reasonable adjustments so we could move to the same role in a different team (we don't have any legal grounds to take action unfortunately). but this was fine for us bc we grew jaded with how management was doing shit anyway. they also laid off about 700 people from across the company a few months later.

we spent months trying to find a job, and eventually applied to university on a whim. we got in! we're studying game design and are currently in foundation year (level 0) of the course. we were pretty worried about "fitting in" and suff but honestly we made friends instantly and it turns out a lot of lgbt autistic folks are studying game design foundation year. strange! (/s). its a little weird being part of the popular clique now.

we built a site. a real one! with colours and scripts and all that! a couple sites, actually, but only one is what we're comfortable sharing publicly (other site is sys member info for friends to reference). the site is on neocities, available here. we got really into coding for realsies around the time that we stopped posting. we also got into something called choicescript, but the site took priority as we use it as a digital portfolio. we also started practicing API work by making little tools for the discord bot pluralkit, but they are. uh. far from finished

we got an rgb bulb that actually works with shortcuts, so it inspired us to actually code shortcuts again. they're pretty advanced now; we have a series of them dedicated to forcing us to sleep (it obviously isnt working given i'm still awake at 4am !!), but they're really smooth and helpful

we started drawing properly again (i know we've posted a lot of art on here but most of it is low effort memes. and also none of it was trad art, which we got back into), in order to prep for being asked for a portfolio for uni. which we eventually didnt even get asked for. we opened an instagram account to post it to while we work on getting our art on our actual site, and recently a deviantart account for crossposting.

i stopped writing. i also largely stopped building on my ideas for games and comics and such. this was more because i had More Pressing Things to be writing about, like our CV, and our applications, but i havent really picked it back up. in a bit of a plateau of inspiration rn. wanna fix that though.

we started playing hotline miami, which we'd been meaning to do for years. completed the first, got halfway into the second before a TERRIBLE AWFUL THUMB INJURY (dramatic. didnt even need glue) rendered us entirely unable to use a controller. it healed but we havent finished the second yet. today's actually the first time since august that we've even touched a controller, let alone played any games.

we got back into making music. we decided the system was going to start releasing music as a collective, so we set up a whole youtube channel and stuff for it. videos'll start january 1st, we hope.

i convinced two people to watch red vs blue. my token cishet guy friend who was my colleague at Shitty Workplace (i sent him slutty locus from earlier and his only response was "amazing") and one of my new uni friends (very autistic i think they will go feral for it). token cishet just finished season 8 and uni friend is in season 3 i believe.

health wise has been. a ride... our normal gp stopped practicing entirely, and we dont trust the other gp's at our clinic, so we've been entirely unmedicated and unchecked since november of last year, barring OTC stuff. except for the part where at the end of october we finally saw a rheumatologist (after being referred in 2019!) who said we probably had fibromyalgia. earlier this month we also caught some Mystery Illness that lasted two weeks and nobody knew what it was. our voice still hasnt recovered fully and the whole experience was weird, but the hospital nurse wasnt concerned and it didnt come back as positive for That One Illness That Got Really Popular In The Last Three Years so its honestly likely that it was just the regular old flu, which we werent used to after only really suffering from Disabled Person Sicknesses for the best part of the last 15 years.

we met steve downes and jen taylor, the voice actors of halo's master chief and cortana! got photos & signatures (: steve complimented my jacket and jen Really Wanted A Nap.

WE GOT THE GRIFBALL PLUSH (: i would make this bigger if i could. it's just one of those Material Gains that has a lot of sentimental value to us. and i found my glow in the dark ring which i cried about. again: material gains of high personal significance.

so yeah! a lot. im probably missing something because i have the brain of a sieve. but we're alive and thats the important part.

[jdopes-recorder]

okay you sappy ass hoes

You made me tear up fuck you

@njmweb

Im kinda shit at this but I'll try. You're one of the closest friends I've had and i can't begin to tell you how much the friends I found in the three mean to me. I never thought I'd actually find people I can be myself with and not worry about being embarrassed. You guys are just as bad. I love how supportive you are and you're just always there to talk to and talk with. With the stuff only you know was happening...you've helped me last year more than you know. It felt so good to have someone actually care and be open with me. I loved when we played roblox just to beat little kids up the entire summer and you bashed on my ice cream and bourn vita (fuck you). Every single thing you've given me (except the flower I'm so sorry it died and i didn't have a book to put it in :D), every random drawing, I have them all and im definitely gonna treasure it my whole life. You are such a copycat sometimes smh (stop listening to the same random artists it's so weird when that happens yeesh). I learned so much stupid shit from you and i love your cat memes and jellyfish. I've picked up little mannerisms of yours since I've been stuck with you for two years, and i randomly realise how I never used to do something that I do now before I met you. Thank you for being you.

@kiew-ie

wait what when'd you get a new profile 😭😭

You fkn cutie. You've been next to me (almost) everyday the last year and it's always so weird when you're absent i just sit there like 🧍‍♀️I love listening to you talk about mlp Or some other cute shit I don't know anything about. I love how we both sound like we've had helium when we're excited. When we doodle in our books and talk about any topic when we're supposed to be studying? We're stupid but i love it. I srsly love your hair and I've told you that before but idk I don't think you believed me, but I get that. Thank you for always letting me sag on your shoulder when I feel too lazy (most of the time tbh). You're so fun to be around and I've loved every minute. I love listening to you rant and even though I never know what to say, I'm always so touched that you trust me enough to tell me shit. I love you and your obsession with pink stuff <3

k well we don't have ells acc cuz she's stubborn af, but I just wanted to tell you guys that even though I never say anything or act like it, you all mean more to me than you know. I never would have ever imagined what would have happened with me just asking dhri what music she listened to. If nana didn't overhear us talking about that, if ells didn't come with leo. It crazy to me how life works. You guys gave me that happiness and peace I had been craving for years. You know how my last friend group was and how toxic it was. I never had true friends and didn't have to be on guard. I can let go of all of that with you guys, because I know you don't care and even do the same (idiots). I don't wanna lose what we have and it scares the shit out of me that we aren't gonna be together and we're gonna leave everything we've known in less than 2 months. I finally got real happiness and I don't wanna lose that again. But you know, like how I never would have seen this coming, I have no idea what will be coming for all of us. This shit is crazy. I never would have imagined you guys would be my best friends. Even though I know we'll all have our own lives and get other friends too, I know I'll never forget you guys. When I look back to mt childhood, you guys will always stand out. Thank you for everything. I guess I'm better at writing about the things I think about instead of telling it to your faces.

Don't being this up tmr, I will self combust.

being madly in love with someone platonically is so ridiculous. hey man i think about you all the time. i wish you were here right now. talking to you makes me indescribably happy. i miss you. honestly what the hell

[lilac1013]

you know idk if this has anything to do with mental disorders but sometimes i get really terrified to sleep and tonight, it has hit really hard and many thoughts are running through my head rn and i truly don’t even know where to start. i have so much to get off my chest and trust me, it’s a LOT. stuff that i wish i could open up to people about but i just know that the moment that i open my mouth, my feelings will be invalidated and that i would sound stupid and pathetic and i just cba to be made to feel worse about myself. honestly i cannot remember if friends follow this blog or if people know about this blog or not and if friends do follow this blog, i cannot remember if they actually use tumblr but if we are friends and you are reading this, actually scroll past and if you do read this anyway then just don’t acknowledge this in any way shape or form. again, there is so much i want to say but i don’t actually know how to put it into words. if anything this is a proper word vomit from my brain where im actuallly writing what is coming from my brain. gosh, if only i had that motivation when it came to my studies which is a huge major stress right now because i just want to graduate so bad with a decent grade and also be so good at korean that i am nearly fluent but idk. everyone around me makes me feel so dumb like it is how they are so naturally good at everything and it’s truly like “oh wow” but people also do this thing where when i explain something, they look at me with these eyes of “that is so stupid but ok” and it’s so off putting. it really does put me off of ever speaking my mind and just makes me feel so dumb and little. which speaking of dumb and little, i hate how no one is straightfoward with me from friends to random people on the internet whose love and validation i seek for. like i want people to straight up be like “beth, this hurt btw can you not” or “beth this made me feel xyz” or “beth i feel like xyz towards you” “beth i mean this”. stop speaking to me in fucking code or some actions like no. i don’t get it and i don’t understand. which leads me to something of i think i am falling for a guy who is literally on the side of the world and who i know has no feeling towards me whatsoever because i am truly the most disgusting thing to ever grace this earth and i just need to lose so much weight so bad and i hate how hungry i am these days and how i keep going over 500kcal a day and i hate how much food stresses me out but i hate how i have no control of myself that the moment i think about  food, i want to have it. i hate how mentally hungry i have been and it has gotten to the point where every single day i am so close to you know ...... i hate that my ex made me feel this insecure, this unsure, this scared of people and relationships. i hate how i am not over our relationship despite it being a year and everyone getting tired of hearing about it and how much it fucked me up but i hate how they don’t take me seriously on when i begin to express how much it has fucked me up and i hate how i cannot express that i cannot do things like unfollow them on instagram because even to this day, i am scared of their reaction towards it and i know i should not care but i cannot help the fact that i do. i hate the fact that i am still going through my ptsd shit and i cannot get my shit together for the god damn life of me. i hate the fact that i still cut myself despite saying to myself that i would stop in january 2021. i still do it and little do people know that i did it in korea too. i just cannot stop. i hate the fact that these days i just get urges to literally kill myself whether that is overdosing once again or grabbing my kitchen knife and slicing my throat which i had such an incredible urge to do the night that i truly scared myself that i was going to do it and punching up the mirror into shatters. truly it sometimes feels like someone else is inside me who is just so angry, so upset that all she wants to do is self destruct. it’s terrifying. i just hate how im not good enough and that apparently my actions are never good enough to friends, family and even to strangers who deem im fuckable ( looool an experience to fuck a fat girl is what they want ) but never loveable. literally there is  no where in my life where i am deemed good enough. im tired. i just hate myself and just hate eveything about it. i just want to heal but no one ever tells you how to and what anyone has ever told me about healing has just fucked me off. and i think deep down i dont want people to give me solutions or to tell me to move on and that it is okay because it is the past or to be confident and just believe in myself. i want someone to actually sit there and listen. you truly do not need to say shit. i just want you to listen to what i have to say and just acknowledge it and just maybe go “you are doing well though beth and we are proud of you” then we laugh over something stupid. i just want to be heard and reassured. idk. tbh that is very selfish thinking and everything that i have written in this post is selfish and very me me me and you hurt me and im not acknowledging anyone else’s feelings in which i truly am sorry and i am trying my hardest to not be a selfish person like i know that it doesn’t seem or sound like it but i am. i truly truly truly truly truly truly truly truly am and i probably should go to sleep and just try to find some peace of mind  

[alreadyblondenow]

Each other’s replacements

▸ Na Jaemin x female!reader ▸ Inspired by the anime Scum’s Wish ▸ High school au, SMUUUUT, fluff and angst

Summary: Two broken hearts met unexpectedly and agreed to use each other so you can both move on from your exes. Your hearts belong to each other already, you’re just waiting for love to take place and make everything right. But will you both still choose each other in the future? Word count: 6,988k

Warnings: Using each other to forget your exes, ex Lee Jeno, kind of fuck buddies but no? Fingering, mentions of fingering, handjob, blowjob, and watching each other masturbate, mentions of taking nude photos after sex, Jaemin taking a picture of your naked body after sex (with consent ofc), uproctected sex, mentions of rough sex, making out, swearing, mentions of breakup, actual breakup

A/N: I hope you enjoy this Jaemin fic. I tried writing it as realistic as possible because I think Scum’s Wish is a very mature and realistic anime, I mean shit like that happens in real life. And I think Mugi is so fucking handsome. The ending of the series sux btw HAHAA bc I wanted them to end up together so heres my version of it. 

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Three months have passed already when your ex-boyfriend Jeno broke up with you on a nice afternoon after school. The reason? Well, let’s just say he fell out of love. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and please him.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. And whenever Jeno cross paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that you’re not your normal self anymore. The cheerful and excited girl he fell in love with was gone and it’s all because of him. He can only wish that someone will bring you back and make you happy again.

“I’ll help you with that,” a cold manly voice interrupted you and your thoughts while you were having a hard time throwing the trash. He’s not part of your class, he’s one of Jeno’s classmates but you two were never introduced to each other.

You watch him throw the heavy trash for you and hoping that he will hand the bin afterward but he didn’t. “Lead the way, it’s dirty I’ll hold it for you” he insists, so you do as you’re told, showed him the way so you can finish this day as soon as possible.

Jaemin knew everything. It’s a small school and students usually gossip too much whenever a couple breaks up, especially after being together for so long. He knew who broke your heart, he also knew that you used to smile and be cheerful all the time because he has seen you in places and he knew you're capable of automatically lighting up the place whenever you’re around. But now… all he can see is a broken-hearted girl.

“Here,” you hand him a tissue and your hand sanitizer as a thank you for not letting your hands get dirty. He accepted it and gave you a small smile, obviously, he’s not shy and he was looking directly at you while his hands move. To be honest, you have no reason to be shy with each other, and honestly, you just don’t care anymore you just want to end this day. But Jaemin being the bold man that he is, bravely loosen up the ribbon of your school uniform and undid a few buttons from your school blouse. It was a common thing for students to do that after school as a sign that they're ready to head home and end their day. Jeno used to do it for you, and you didn’t expect Jaemin would do it. Despite the fact that you only met properly today.

You don’t know what happened but your heart was racing the moment he’s done adjust it and you just stare at his crooked tie and figured you may as well loosen it up for him too and return the favor. A bold move that Jaemin did not expect from a girl because he’s used to being with girls who become shy and all flustered after he makes a move.

But you, you’re different.

And that’s when Jaemin realized that you are a perfect match for him.

Word is Na Jaemin is pretty popular with girls. Besides Lee Jeno your ex, Na Jaemin is the second most handsome guy in school. Not only that he’s handsome, but you also know that he is passionate when it comes to photography, he’s naturally smart, not that nice, quiet but cocky, cold but can give anyone the right amount of attention if he wants to. But in your case, you have his full attention.

That afternoon, for the first time in three months, you did not go home alone, someone walked with you and watched you go inside your house.

The same cold but needed interaction with Jaemin happened over and over again until people started to gossip and think that you’re together. But it was nothing like that and you stopped caring about rumors a long time ago. Jaemin is nothing like Jeno, but he’s a gentleman, he’s straightforward but most of the time quiet. And most of the time you share silence not stories and you both love it that way.

You were different people but before you knew it, you were spending more time with each other.

On Valentine's day, you don’t know what came to his mind and brought you a bouquet of roses and gave it to you secretly. You were genuinely happy of course, but you just couldn’t smile that big and show him more. Seeing him from afar with a dozen roses and a smirk, with his black sling bag he uses for school that makes him so attractive… is enough to call your Valentine's day a memorable day.

“You’re special too,” he said and hands you the bouquet. “Ready to go home? Sorry I couldn’t help you with trash today, I picked these up right after school and rushed back-“

“Thank you” you cut him off with a friendly kiss on the cheek that made him blush and shy for the first time.

With a bouquet of roses on your left arm and the trash bin on your right hand, you came back to your classroom to get your stuff and put the bin back. You cleaned your hands and admire the roses as the afternoon sunlight hits them perfectly and finally come out again to meet Jaemin. Only to find him eavesdropping on the classroom near yours.

“What-“

“Shh” he cut you off with a ‘shh’ gesture and made you look at the half-closed door and made you listen to their conversation as well.

Jeno I like you too.

Were words that immediately ruined your day that Jaemin perfected. But this is not about you. Because when you turned your back and looked at the man beside you, you saw yourself. The pain that you’ve been feeling for months now, you saw it in Jaemin’s eyes too. Now you understand that you’re just two broken people who are still in pain. And you have no idea that he has been hurting too.

Of course, seeing Jeno with another girl hurt you badly, but seeing Jaemin get teary-eyed bothered you more. So you reached for his hand and whispered, ‘it’s okay’ even though it’s not, and walked away silently with him to continue your day together.

“Do you think they’re just doing this because people are gossiping about us?” you asked while you watch him stare at his coffee blankly. You’ve never seen him like this even though he’s always quiet and cold.

“N-no. I know my ex, uhm… she wouldn’t use anyone. Is Jeno-“

“No. I know him too. And I know that he’s happy when he found out about us,”

“So it’s true then. Their feelings for each other” he said and went back to staring at his coffee blankly.

You pursed your lips and let out a deep sigh. Allowing yourself to be hurt again by hearing the truth that you have been completely replaced in Jeno’s heart. There was silence. Then you decided to admire the flowers that Jaemin gave to you and feel the soft petals on your fingertips. This day could have been a turning page for the both of you, but now you’re both very sure that you’re not yet ready to open your hearts for somebody else.

“Red roses mean love and romance,” you said as you continue to admire the roses that he gave which made him smile a little. “Do you like me?” and just like that, you gave him the question that you’ve been meaning to ask for the past few months.

“I do” he answered without hesitating, which gave you a shock actually. “Do you?” he returned the question.

“I don’t,” you said the truth because you can’t repay him with lies. No. You can’t do that to Jaemin, “but you’ve become special to me. And I don’t want to lose you too,” Honestly you thought being honest to him will make him feel even more horrible but it didn’t. In fact, it brought the unique handsome smile you love seeing on his face.  

“Though, it’s not right that we are using each other to forget our exes-“ you added but he cut you off immediately.

“But I need you, and honestly I’ve been very happy these past few weeks because of you” he confessed. And you wish that you could tell him the same thing but you can’t because it’s still Jeno. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not begging you to stay. You’re an adult and I have nothing against your decisions. But I really hope we could go back to normal and be closer now that we know what each other really feels. I will date you properly when the right time comes… Just not now that we're both still confused and not sure”  

Everything did not make sense of course, and the right thing to do is refuse. But the past few weeks were actually good. Not great but still Jaemin was a huge change. So you nod your head and agreed that you should continue what you’re doing but promised each other that if either one of you feels pressured already, then you should stop.

As you continue seeing Jaemin and trying to move on from Jeno, you became comfortable with each other as days go by to the point that neither one of you cares if someone mentions that you look great together even though your relationship is not true.

It was a never-ending try to give each other the chance and love that you deserve. But at the same time, it was a never-ending process of healing from your exes, a never-ending heartbreak whenever you two hear something good about their relationship. And to be honest you’re both happy that you’re not facing this heartbreak alone.

You’re thankful for each other because you have each other’s backs. But in a different way.

Jaemin is thankful for you because he can hold your hand, hug you tightly from behind then whisper sweet words, and kiss your neck, whenever he wants to, and whenever he misses skinship with his ex.

You on the other hand, is thankful too because he does these various things to you and you can just close your eyes and he lets you imagine that he’s Jeno. Like now. You were just cuddling and watching the rain from his window when suddenly his hand roamed under your skirt while he was listening to you talk, and his cold fingers played on the hem of your panties. Teasing your pussy and moving his fingers up and down your wet cover slit.

“How does Jeno touch you? Is gentle? Rough?” He asks in the sexiest tone he ever used and started kissing your neck. You had a hard time answering his question because of what he’s doing, but your mind lurks on the memories you had with Jeno in his room.

You remember how Jeno fingered you in his bed, how two fingers always feel good and that’s how you like it, you remember that while his fingers are deep inside you, he is busy kissing your body. Planting soft kisses on your chest and on your boobs, kissing your nipples and making them sensitive and he puts them in his mouth and sucks it good until it's both swollen.

This is the first time Jaemin had touched you down there. And you swear, you don’t want him to stop and you just want to remove your panties and spread your legs for him.

“Jaem-“ you moaned out an airy tone. Calling his name with your eyes closed and parted lips. Feeling his fingers go up and down your wet slit still.

“Do you mean Jeno?” Jaemin asks. But truth be told he doesn’t mind you moaning his name instead on your first time going too far. And finally, he removed your panties and made you spread your legs for him which you gladly did. Putting two fingers slowly while he’s watching you make the sexiest faces that just simply makes him hard.

Jaemin never rushed, he took his sweet time with your body. Pushing you on the edge over and over again but you don’t know why you haven’t cum yet. His tongue and fingers together were somewhat calming and just made you breathe in and out deeply, which is relaxing while you spread your legs even more.

And when you finally came, it was a nice warm feeling all over your body. Like you just got out of the shower, wet and relaxed. Though you feel so tired, weak and sleepy... Jeno was never like this but your imagination was a big help that you moaned Jeno’s name a couple of times and that made Jaemin felt so accomplished.

“How about you? Don’t you want to cum?” you asked Jaemin while you watch him help you wear your panties again, kissing your thighs after.

“Maybe later,” he said, not admitting that he came earlier too, ruining his boxers briefs.

That day you did more than touching each other’s private parts but actually giving each other oral sex for the first time. His sheets were so ruined because he came so hard when you gave him a blowjob, a handjob and when he jerked himself in front of you while he watches you finger yourself. In return, he made you cum more than three times using his fingers and tongue. And you came home with a weak body and weak legs that you flopped straight in your bed and slept with a smile.

But there are times that it’s just the two of you. Just Jaemin and Y/n, no exes involved. Where you can be free being yourselves whenever you’re alone together. Like him snapping pictures of you out of nowhere while you’re busy kissing him, or whenever you just finished having sex and you’re both too lazy to get dressed again and he will suddenly capture amazing photos of you while you’re still naked in his bed, wearing nothing but the smile he gave you because of the sex.

“Hmm. Jaemin, these are beautiful. Can I have this one? I love seeing your works, it’s like I’m seeing myself through your eyes”

Little did you know that that simple compliment from you made him blush hard and his heart jump. It’s not every day he gets to be himself, but lately, he has been feeling so inspired with his craft and he had a good guess it’s because of you.

“You can keep this too, it’s one of my favorites,” he said and handed you a picture of you kissing him while he smiles so big and so handsome with both of your eyes closed. It’s a perfect moment, a moment that Jaemin captured in the middle of him being so happy that you’re showering him with kisses.

Jaemin is sweet and quiet as usual and he showers you with love and affection every day in his own way. He’s not the normal guy who will praise you and tell you that you’re beautiful, he will just simply look at you like you’re his favorite person in the world. Which you are now. He doesn’t talk too much because one, that’s his personality already and two, he simply loves listening to you even though you don’t talk too much yourself.

He is the complete opposite of Jeno, and that’s why he became special to you.

“Yesterday, me and my mom were at the mall and I saw them. Just from afar and they were about to enter the movies and… you know, seeing them together hurt” he says while kicking stones on your way to your house.

You can only imagine the pain he felt when he saw them spending time together, and now it’s your time to get hurt because Jeno used to bring you to the movies. Then it gave you an idea.

“Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow? My treat,” you said. Nervous and shy you slowly met eyes and stopped walking when you finally arrived in front of your house.

“Did you just realized that I haven’t taken you out on a date? Because I feel bad, I just realized it now” he rambles.

“No no,” you chuckled, “I simply wanted to go to the movies with you. So tomorrow?” you were slowly walking away from him with a small smile on your face. If Jaemin was being honest, he wanted to be with you just a little bit longer. But parting will make your meeting even sweeter the next day.

On the next day, you remember clearly that you said ‘my treat’ yesterday. But the whole day that you’re together he never let you pay for anything, not even a bottle of water. You feel at ease even though it’s your first date and it’s your first time seeing each other in casual clothes and not in your uniforms, or wearing nothing at all. He looked handsome in his get up, he knows how to dress and he sure does look like the warm person you know.

“Do you like anything else?” he whispered beside you while you two wait for the movie to start and watch people enter.

“No I’m just a little chilly. But I’m fine, keep your jacket,” you stopped him before he removes his jacket, you know he will. So instead of lending you his jacket, he kept you close and wrapped an arm around you.

“This is nice, right?” he whispered back and rested his head on yours.

During the movie, Jaemin did not try any funny business. Though you were waiting for it and of course you will give him your consent. If this was Jeno, by this time you’re whimpering and cumming on his fingers by now. But you’re with Jaemin right now, and Jaemin did nothing but hold your hand, keep you close and keep you warm. And the thing that he did that made your heart race the most, was when he tightens his embrace when the couple kissed in the movie, exchanged ‘i love yous’ and he pulled you closer to him. “We’ll get there,” he whispered, “Just remember that I’m the one here and not Jeno” and you nod because you agree to him.  

Not long after your first date, you and Jaemin shared a kiss under a lamppost just before you enter your house. It was not your first kiss of course. But it was the first time that you two felt that there we're no lust involved. It was a genuine kiss. A kiss that told you ‘I’m glad you chose to stay in this stupid relationship we have’ not to mention his soft lips were addicting and he was gentle the whole time. He wasn’t rushing you, he wasn’t hungry for you. But you can feel his long to finally move on and give his love wholly to you.

“Is it okay if I kiss you like that every day from now on?” he asked softly, forehead to forehead and just enjoying the cold breeze of the evening and the quietness of the street.

It’s Jaemin, not Jeno. You remind yourself over and over again.

“Yes” you nod and wrapped your arms around his neck, “Kiss me again” you requested. And so Jaemin did, even deeper but this time he took your breath away during the kiss.

The moment you closed the door and Jaemin watched you go inside your house safely, you burst into tears because you can’t help but see Jeno in your head and imagine that it’s Jeno kissing you not Jaemin. Even though it felt nothing like Jeno’s kisses, even though you smell Jaemin’s unique cologne, still it’s Jeno whom you see in your head and it’s Jeno whom you really wanted to kiss.

Days passed by and you try a little harder to show him affection, you try a little harder to be with Jaemin and not think about your ex, you try saying Jaemin’s name more often. Calling him with a smile, surprising him with back hugs, smiling with him more. Honestly, you just want to help yourself with forgetting Jeno completely because it’s exhausting already.

Today is the school’s fair and you’ve been with your friends the whole day laughing and discussing boys over snacks, sex and other stuff. And while you and your friends have been participating in a lot of games today, Jaemin can’t stop taking pictures of you from afar and watch your pretty smile. The smile he’s been seeing a lot lately and he hopes that it’s because of him.

‘Hey beautiful, I like your smile’

You received a text from him, you look around where he is and you found him behind you. Smiling so handsomely with his camera slung on his shoulder. Your friends teased you and Jaemin for being all flirty with your glances, you have never been shy around him but now there are butterflies in your stomach. Jaemin then shamelessly showed your friends how he treats you nicely, he can’t kiss you inside the school grounds so he winked at you instead and smiled.

It definitely made everyone around you jealous. Especially when Jaemin started taking your pictures, something no one was ever seen Jaemin do.

At the end of the day, you and Jaemin walk hand in hand and went to his house to cuddle and flirt more in his bed. Hands intertwined, legs tangled, bodies closer and just listening to each other talk about the most random things.

That’s right, you and Jaemin now talk. No more comfortable silence, no more quiet walks, you’ve come so far to reach this level of comfort. And when you’re both comfortable in each other’s arms like this, you both never shut up about the things you want to share with each other. Like the comfortable silence was gone with your awkward and shy phase too.

You asked him how he used to love his ex and he never shuts up about it, and it is as if he was describing how he’s treating you but when it comes to you everything was better. Like how he used to not care about Valentines for his ex but for you he went to different kinds of flower shop just so he can find the best quality of red roses. He used to hate walking with his ex because it’s making him sweat like crazy, but when it comes to you, seeing and watching you go inside your home safely was satisfying.

“Jaemin what are we? Are we friends with benefits now? Or just friends?” you dropped the question out of nowhere while you two lie in your bed, and you play with his long and perfect eyelashes.

“Hmm. No, fuck buddies avoid feelings while we... well, we try to develop our feelings. Let’s say we're two waiting hearts, were not yet in love with each other but… we belong to each other already. How’s that sound?”

“Waiting hearts. Hmm. I like it. Did you made that up?” you giggle and ran your fingertips on his very soft lips, which made him catch your hand and kiss it before he opens his beautiful eyes again.

“Yeah” he says, “But everything I said was true. Moving on is a bitch and I just can’t wait to love you right,”

And those words were just right. Perfect actually, that it made you kiss him sweetly and sincerely. And with your lips and the way you kiss, Jaemin felt that you made a promise to him. Like you’re not going to make him wait for nothing. And because of that he deepens the kiss and went on top of you, placing his body in between your legs, kissing your body nonstop and whispering sweet things to you.

“When we're finally and officially together, I won’t hurt you as Jeno did,” and you believe him because even though that you’re a wreck now, Jaemin stayed and put up with you.

He suddenly stopped kissing you, letting you breathe and bask at this moment, then he swallowed the lump in his throat and told you the truth. “I’m finally getting there…by the way, I mean, all I think about is us-you,” he was talking about his progress of moving on. “You don’t have to be pressured or anything at this point just, focus on yourself. Okay?” he said and kissed you again.

As your days with Jaemin continues, you don’t see Jeno anymore whenever you’re with Jaemin. No more imagining, it’s just you, the moment, and Jaemin. Though you’re not sure if you’ve already moved on this time or you’re just too overwhelmed because of Jaemin. Still, you know to yourself that you’re getting there and Jaemin is the reason why you’re even more closer to peace now. But you haven’t told him yet because you’re not ready. For you, you know that he will not leave and so it’s okay to take your time.

It started when you realized everything that he has done for you and the things that he’s ready to do for you. Loving again, or being given the opportunity to love someone again so deep is something so special and exciting especially when the man who holds your heart and the one waiting for you right now is Jaemin. The life you’re taking before Jaemin was like a black tunnel that you’ve been walking around in circles for some time now. And you sure as hell don’t want to take that path again.  

And just thinking about experiencing the things that Jaemin has to offer, you can only do that if you give up on Jeno. So with great effort, you slowly focus your mind only on Jaemin and replace every bit of Jeno in your life with Jaemin, and from now on you make sure that you have something in return for him.

“Jaemin-“ you moan his name. Something so new and so satisfying for Jaemin to hear it's his name you moan now, not Jeno’s.

“You know, you make me shy whenever you say my name” he catches his breath and came closer to you to plant kisses on your back and knead your boobs from behind, nipples hard and swollen because you’ve been in bed with him for almost two hours now. “What do you need?” he asks while making you feel good with his lips and hands.

“Maybe slow down? I’m not going anywhere,” you hear him giggle from behind because of your request, slapping your but playfully and squeezing it good. Then suddenly, out of nowhere he rolled his hips, and let out a sexy grunt. “Fuck Jaemin, I wasn’t ready-“ you croak and landed on the mattress, face first as you grip the sheets and take Jaemin’s cock followed by a wave of hard and fast thrusts.

He kept a firm grip on your waist as he gives you hard thrusts and he kept you down on the mattress, a hand on your waist and a hand on your nape. It kept your movements minimal that’s why you can’t do anything now that you’re on the edge and he’s torturing you using his dick. But the best part of Jaemin fucking you from behind is the way he fucks you rough... so rough sometimes that you get red marks after a good round. This only happens whenever he catches his breath, but sometimes his thrusts become slow and deeper and honestly you feel like he’s rearranging your insides. And of course you love it whenever he’s just so fast and the sound of skin slapping surrounds his room and the impact of his thrust just drags you on the mattress, almost at the edge of the bed and he would have to drag your body towards him and fuck you faster and harder.

But this time, your pussy is so sensitive and your body is giving up and shivering already that you try and push him away, moan his name for mercy, grip his sheets while you arch your back so beautifully to ease your sensitivity.

“You said you’re not going anywhere? Why are you running away from me? Huh?” it was a sexy tone and his thrusts started to go slow but deeper than before and he had spread your legs again from behind. His arm is around your neck and ends at your shoulder, bodies closer than ever as he puts his whole weight on you and you feel his hard rock abs hits your back. Then he started thrusting hard again but now you can’t move your body because he got you locked in his arms, and instead of gripping the sheets, you now grip Jaemin’s arm and hands as you don’t have a choice but to accept his hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust, you breathe heavily and let out groans and call out his name. Until your body can’t take it anymore and you’re shaking uncontrollably and you did everything you can to push him away and try curling yourself into a ball but Jaemin was quick to flip you on your back and reach in for a deep kiss.

Kissing you while you cum and enjoy your orgasm. Feeling his tongue swirl around your as your body shakes and his hands caress your thighs so you could calm down and melt on his kiss.

After you cum, you and Jaemin did not stop kissing. He stayed above you, in between your legs and proceed to make out. Slowly and passionately, hands roaming to appreciate each other’s body, hands together and your lips locks and you look at each other with deep admiration.

“I want to date for real now. I’m so afraid to lose you Y/n,” he said directly into your eyes and rested his forehead on yours. “I promise I can do more for you, just be mine completely” he reached for your hands and kissed your knuckles.

Finally, you thought. And to be honest you have so much to say but none came out from your mouth. You looked at his tired sex face, his hair is all over his face, sweaty and his lips are swollen because of your intense kisses. And because your heart is full of happiness right now, you just nod so fast and cup his face and attacked him with kisses.

A love for love.

The first few days with Jaemin were beautiful. You both have your hearts full of love admiration towards one another and you shower each other with love every day without having second thoughts. You have never been loved like this and you didn’t know that you can love someone as deeply.

In just a few days, lust and love were perfectly balanced in your relationship. Now that you’re officially together, you and Jaemin would rather talk non-stop while holding hands, laugh and laugh until you’re both in tears, rather than have sex and exhaust each other out. But of course, now that you’re together, you can finally have the right to stay the night at their house, meet his family, have quiet sex at night where Jaemin’s lips are on your lips, catching every sound and moan you make so his parents won’t suspect.

“I love you,” you said and kissed him before you close your eyes and drift away. In return, he tightens his embrace and kissed you one too many times.

“I love you too,”

Now that you and Jaemin are official, he wanted to do everything again with you. Meaning, he wanted to give you flowers again as your boyfriend this time and not just as someone who’s waiting for you. He wanted to take you out on a proper date as your boyfriend, on your favorite fast food and spend all night long being happy with you.

SUNDAY

At first, you didn’t want to agree with his plan because him giving you all his love every day was enough. But he insists, and that’s why you’re waiting for your handsome boyfriend at your favorite fast food with a glass of water in front of you. He’s 30 minutes late already and you wonder why.

“I’ll get the red ones please, my girlfriend loved those last Valentine's day,” Jaemin’s smile was so big as he watches the florist wrap the red roses he got for you. He’s late because he went to the same shop where he bought you the flowers that you loved last Valentine's day.

And just as Jaemin walks out of the flower shop with a bouquet of red roses in his arm and a smile on his face, he thought about how this night will definitely be a great night for the two of you. And most importantly, no exes to ruin your first date as a couple.

While you were waiting for Jaemin inside, you didn’t know that he’s outside with a dozen roses in his arm and just smiling because he is now looking at the girl whom he loves the most.

Then suddenly, his phone rang and accepted an unexpected phone call. The voice of the girl on the other line was familiar. Very familiar. And his fist balled up immediately when he heard her crying through the phone. Turns out, he still can’t say no to the girl he used to love so much and his excitement on seeing you was immediately replaced with anger.

“Who made you cry? Where are you?” Jaemin asked sternly to his ex.

“He left me Jaems- I’m sorry I don’t know who else to call, I’m at home can you please go here? I really need someone right now, I’ll lose my mind,”

And just like that, he chose his ex over you. He told himself, he will be quick and still meet you afterward. But you waited for an hour… until closing time. Leaving tons and tons of messages to Jaemin but he didn’t return any of them. Maybe something important came up? A family matter? You tried and tried to forgive him even though you’re pissed that he didn’t show up. You even reminded yourself that you didn’t want this date in the first place so why be upset? So it’s okay.  

When you’re finally near your house after a very disappointing date that could have been a beautiful one for you and Jaemin, a very familiar figure was waiting for you outside your house.

One glance at that perfect face, small crescent eyes, and beautiful smile, gave your mind an instant flashback. The guy who loved you first way before Jaemin came into your life, the man who loved you in your highs and lowest moment, the man you’ve been waiting to come back…. is finally back.

“How are you?” he started.

“Better. Jeno, what are you doing here?” you asked, straight to the point.

“I just came by to see you. I’m the one who ruined us but I still miss you from time to time you know? And now I know why,”

“And that is?”

“Regrets. Now that I’m single again, for sure my regrets will even weigh more,” he let out a heavy sigh and looked at his shoes before he gave you a question. A question that he already knows the answer. “If I ask you to come back, will you accept it?” he didn’t look you in the eye. He just stared at the sky and waited for your answer.

“No,” you said honestly and without regrets. “I waited for you to come back long enough. And I worked so hard to be healed again,”

“Then I should’ve asked you earlier then. I should’ve left her earlier,”

What he said sounded wrong for you. Because you know if he did those earlier you will end up hurting Jaemin instead. At least now, it’s clear like the sky above that you no longer love Jeno.

The night ended with a friendly hug. It’s the only comfort you can offer to him because you respect your boyfriend. And you well know that staying longer with Jeno tonight can spark your first fight with Jaemin.

But as you lie in your bed and think about everything that happened tonight, your mind takes you to unwanted scenarios where Jaemin chose to comfort his ex rather than meeting up with you. It’s not right to doubt Jaemin, so you close your eyes and looked forward to the next day.

And just as you thought, you’re going to wake up with a bunch of missed calls or texts from Jaemin, you have none. So there is something wrong.

Jaemin on the other hand is staring at a white ceiling and thinking about the things that he can’t take back right now. It’s too early for regrets but he doesn’t have a choice but to rethink his wrong decisions, over and over again. Starting when he answered the phone call from the naked girl beside him right now. The wrong decisions he made last night was the epitome of the phrase, ‘one thing led to another’

He answered the call and stood you up.

He went to his ex’s house.

He returned the kiss.

He agreed to fuck.

It was all his choice. Wrong choices that made him lose and lost you way before your relationship could have bloomed beautifully. And he can’t take that back because he can't show his face to you anymore for the sexual activity that happened last night between him and his ex, somehow brought them back together.

SUNDAY

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Seven days have passed already when Jaemin stood you up on a date to choose his ex over you. The reason? Well, you don’t know because you and Jaemin did not talk it out… the breakup sort of happened automatically when you saw him and his now girlfriend again, holding hands while entering the school grounds on a cold Monday morning. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and be better to make way for the love you thought you both want.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. Again. And whenever Jaemin crosses paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that he broke every promise he told you. He can only wish that he could turn back time and choose to not answer that fucking call.

Just like that, you’re back in that black tunnel and you didn’t expect that Jaemin will be the reason why you’re back on this dark path again. And this time, the heartbreak was ten times even worst than what you felt during your breakup with Jeno.  

A few more weeks after the breakup, you started being alone with yourself again and try to give your heart a break from all the drama.

But one fateful afternoon, when everyone had gone home already and you’re on trash duty again, as usual, Jaemin finally decided to swallow his pride and say the apology you deserve.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” Jaemin said out of nowhere. He was looking straight into your eyes when he said it, and you can see that he’s sincere through his eyes.

“I hope you’re happy” and that's all you can say and try to walk away.

“I’m not- do you still love me?”

It was a question that broke both of your hearts because you both know that even though love is involved, it’s still not enough to keep you together.

But still, you answered him with all honesty. “Yes” short and simple.

“Then let's be together-“ he proposed with hopeful eyes.

“And what? Cheat?” you ask sternly, he nodded. “One of the reasons why I liked you back then is because you’re not complicated. You’re a simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’, but now you’re the one who complicates things. I’m sorry. It’s a no,” and that is an answer Jaemin did not expect from you because he thought you loved him that much that you’re still going to accept him. But maybe, the pain that he’s feeling right now, is the same pain that you felt when he chose his ex over you that night.

As days, months, and seasons change but of course the heartbreak never left, you focus more on being with yourself until finally you survived this school year and today is your last day in school. But before everything ended, a lot has happened before it finally ended, like Jeno suddenly transferring schools, Jaemin is single again, and you were awarded for ranking #3 out of hundreds of other students studying their asses off.

That same afternoon, while you’re fixing your stuff and ready yourself to go home under the pouring rain, Jaemin found you alone in your classroom again. And it felt like you’re meeting again for the first time. You don’t know why you accepted his help, you don’t know why you let him walk you home under his small umbrella that made you walk closely together.

He was quiet. You were quiet. But it was not the comfortable silence you used to have, it was very awkward. But you both endured it because if you’re both going to be honest with your feelings, you both wanted this.

“Are we going to do this again?” you ask before you enter your house.  

“Yes. The right way,”

And you know you both found your way back to each other because it’s the right thing to do.

[takamishinko]

could I pls request the bakusquad with a close FTM friend . their friend is pretty insecure about his chest . he’s also insecure about what people would think of him being trans . how would the bakusquad react if someone Mineta said something nasty to him ? if you’re uncomfortable w/ this request , feel free to ignore it , I don’t want to make you uncomfortable

have a wonderful day / noon / night 💞

sure u can! hope u have a wonderful day/noon/night too :)

perfect

a/n: this is my writing content for ftm readers i hope i don't offend anyone!

pronouns: he/him, ftm!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of pre-transition, transphobic phrases, sexual harassment, and mineta

_____

you were pretty close friends with the whole bakusquad, close enough to the point where they would not hesitate to throw hands if someone messed with you. they know about your situation and they completely accept you for it. 

they all took the news better than you expected. mina was super excited when you first came out to her and even though she had a big mouth she kept yours a secret because she knew how important this was to you, plus you might have not been comfortable about others knowing about it yet. sero was super chill about it and kirishima called you manly right after you came out to him. kaminari on the other hand was having an internal war with himself since he thought you were both pretty and handsome before and after. last but not least, bakugou hit you with a "ha? i don’t care as long as you’re still strong." after you told him.

all the reassuring comments your friends gave you made you feel a lot better about yourself. you had also told some of your other friends in the class like midoriya, uraraka, iida, and asui. they all supported you and since class 1A is pretty open about subjects like this you had nothing to worry about. 

however, just because most people have reassured it didn’t mean that you’d just suddenly  feel better right away. in a way you still felt different. you were still insecure about what other people around you would think about you, especially your chest area since your hero costume made them very obvious that they've gone through transition before. harsh comments from insensitive bastards still scar your mind deeply. their hurtful words pierced through your heart and mind.

"you'll never be a real boy."

"you're not normal." 

words like this break you down bit by bit and destroy your self esteem until you're left feeling worthless and defeated. people like this played a big role in why you never confided anyone in your secret. you feared that they would repeat these words, especially your dear classmates.

after school,  sero, kaminari, kirishima, and bakugou had left to do some training while you, mina, and some other people had stayed behind to help clean up and chill in the classroom. it was a nice way to ease yourself. mina was cheerful and funny teasing uraraka about deku, while you and tsuyu were chattering about the test that you took and guessing what mark you both received. 

you decided to stay behind a little in class after everyone returned to the dorms. you hummed while watching the sunset. it was a good environment to do some studying in, quiet and peaceful, seeing as there was an important test coming up.

you were just about to start packing up after finishing the last question on the review page until you saw a short purple figure pop up next to the door. it was mineta, the class pervert that everyone tried to stay away from. you didn't like mineta obviously, no one did. you didn’t exactly want to talk to him but you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he wasn’t here to be grotesque.

why was he just standing there eyeing you up and down? an uncomfortable pricking sensation washed over you so while packing up, you decided to speak to break the awkward silence. "hello mineta, can i help you?" 

mineta wore a smug look before the corner of his lips lifted into a snide grin.

"hey~ d/nnn." he mocked, holding the last letter of your previous name.

what..?

your heart fell into your stomach at his words. why the hell was he bringing up your deadname? you balled your shaking fists and tried to calm down before you mauled the smug grape with your quirk.

"it's y/n, and if you don't have anything to say i wanna go back to the dorms." you speak with feigned courtesy as you finished backing up, scooting out of your chair.

"alright alright y/n whatever. say~ what are you doing by yourself all alone in the classroom at this time. perhaps you were waiting for someone?" mineta sing-songed while walking closer to you.

"i was just trying to get some homework finished,” you grit out. “do you mind moving? i would like to leave-" 

before you could even finish your sentence you see drool coming out of minetas mouth and his hands doing the signature grabby grabby while his eyes practically drowned in your chest area.

"you’ve probably got a nice pair of boobs huh? even if they’re flat." 

mineta mentioning that certain body part broke you. the tears immediately started to accumulate under your eyes, on the edge of spilling. you could've easily pushed mineta away due to how much smaller he was than you, but you didn't have the strength to. you felt even weaker than him and didn't have the will to fight back, your limbs being reduced to jelly. you felt helpless.

mineta on the other hand felt powerful, someone like you with a strong quirk being reduced to something akin to a quivering rabbit gave him a sick sense of pleasure. just when mineta was about to place his hands on you a certain spiky haired blonde rushed into the room and lifted mineta away from you.

"OI SMALL FRY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR HANDS GOING HUH??" bakugou snarled at the midget followed with a strong blast.

kirishima, kaminari, and sero quickly ran into the room. mr. aizawa followed up upon hearing the commotion. his eyes scanned over your distressed form before looking over at a shaken mineta. he assessed the situation and let out a sigh, hands pinching the bridge of his nose.

"mineta, my office, right now." he spoke, voice lacking any sort of amusement.

"b-but" mineta stuttered out.

"now."

mineta froze at the tone of mr. aizawa's voice and left the room with him, his head down. before aizawa left he gave you an apologetic look and told you he'd come back later to talk to you. kaminari followed them out to listen in.

kirishima grabbed your arm gently and sat you down on the chair. "y/n you okay man? he didn't touch you anywhere right?" he questioned worriedly.

"i’m gonna turn that guy into a cocoon, i swear." sero followed up.

you were incredibly surprised at what just almost happened. you almost got harassed by a midget grape but thank goodness your friends were there to save you from him.

"thanks guys." you muttered out while wiping away stray tears.

"of course man! we're always here for you, bakugou heard mineta all the way from across the hall when we came back to grab our stuff and immediately rushed over! you should've seen him, it was like he was running for his life!" kirishima said, chuckling. 

bakugou rolled his eyes. "shut up shitty hair, he's in need, of course i’m gonna sprint over. if he ever says that shit to you again, i’ll beat that little fucker up again. 

"well you won't have to worry about that anymore because i went to eavesdrop and mr. aizawa said he’s under house arrest for a long time for attempting to sexually harass a classmate." denki’s cheery voice rings out as he walks into the classroom while pointing finger guns at all of you. 

your eyes lit up from hearing the good news.

"hey y/n if anyone messes with you be sure to let us know ok?" sero smiles as he puts a hand on your shoulder.

"you're like a brother to us and we won't hesitate to fight anyone who dares to do something like what mineta just did." kirishima spoke, grinning.

"you're perfect just the way you are y/n, and we love you for that! who the hell cares about what others think of you. just be yourself and everyone else will love ya." denki followed up with a smirk.

"dunce face is right, don't worry ‘bout anyone else, not even us if you don't want to. if you're still feeling down i can blast dunce face if you want." bakugou said while chuckling evilly. 

the room filled with laughter at kaminari’s protests.  thanked your friends for being there for you. you couldn't have asked for a better friend group than them. after a while, the five of you walk back to the dorms. you smile to yourself while the other four bicker and laugh, you wished to live in this moment forever.

[braincakewashere]

achack widow is mokoto tribe. coded. they claimed her when i pitched it as a little girl but shes implied in cherokee lore to be CHEIF which is soverign to a dead tribe.

enby way is ebony darkenss dementia raven way scrubbed as goth rather then scene which is new age goth in how shes drawn, sorry for my review it gets as director the stuff i review made into shit, but i have to give criitque or it will flog.

ah bellatrix the real heromine. anyways reincarntion is wack cus if you pay attention to jewish lore shinlers list obvious sufregets jk rwoling is clearly a spy for the left part for lacey green such as myself- braxton

anyways i love writing these out order it looks like your fuking right wing there that is that shit just with race shit you dumb fuck- warlock

nah -braxton

whatever liberal -warlock

"guys can we please stop writing tumblr posts of out order and get back to teh cool shit"

half these vids arent made -zone

"they will be"

okay god! -brick

"azzy is character"

you just dont remember your upbringing adam this is the directors ntoes. whats your pitch for the show.

goth hermonie granger as a death eater infilitrating male coded gypsteys which is reclaimetion fo the slur noko which means half black pretty witch as an adaption of sherlock holmes study in pink with marvel chese until a certain episode episode 3 of a minifseries length where we cut in half or re-edit for context to fit the whole quotea where ebony is emo and male and wearing a girls neckalce as a form of vampiric lindesy ellis stlye death love or tranfomers megan fox but not written to be a babe written to be lik erealy deranged and then it turns just autsitic and a girl in disugise. but shes not implied to be shes impleid to be crossdressing as a god or like detecgive and it should be an adpation of the myth of ariel which their were alot of irish stories and i know them, their not all mermaids this is a transgender corssdresr which is like a transman he him lesbian you just want girl clothes and girl roles as epiteme of toxic masculinity the good version so like. bascially happy 14th birthdat o me

"we know your samantah "time travleed"

i serisouly hae a world whole and berumuta in my chest anyways

"okay dazai"

anyways um this would be under dark academia so she is the fish out of water mary sue as a dean whinchester type but emo hair and clothes here are my refernces from modern day.

"theirs nothing there"

"ill edit it in when this sceduled in our notes, at steins gate, and then theirs this nice guy who knows about does as a mutation and wants to paint our reicnaritons which we will give the braincake guy and oh i want snow the salts queens vlogs quoted and refed cus shes my girlfreind but doesnt know im skylar

[YOUR FUKIG SKYLAR ADAM1] YOUR INTO BESTIALITY]

"on emphatomize im curios okay anyways so thats the pitch give it hbo or wattpad studio we got bed bugs in the dorm and hire this staff midway, i know theyll all quit mid on but try to please draco like ajohnie dep type and the ginger girl i knew on that trip in highschool oh and have the ending be aliens after martohonign roswell steven universe steins gate tookyou ghoul and x files my real life and imply that aliens are just farries like in teh tehcnon show were wering on"

[okay samantha]

"thats female here"

[it means lucifer amaymon]

"plase stop its lucifer ezikiel"

[okay]

"so yeah thats the pitch. free to steal. all my pitches are public domain. im coypright nut you cant copyright an idea

[you should apologize to suit he was helping you]

"okay then give me copyright of sjwresponds"

[nevermind soundboy nevermind]

-staff notes from a transcript online and dejavu localized to more american sounding shit

An exclusive look at LSPDS

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + INUMAKI TOGE + NANAMI KENTO || THEM AS OLDER BROTHERS

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + inumaki toge + nanami kento from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : spoilers for non-manga readers (volume 0) + swearing + grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 10 may

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ request : Hi ! Can I please get them as big brother headcanon with itadori, inumaki, nanami with a little sister! If you don't do family fluff please ignore this and have a nice day

↳ barista’s notes : let me admit, i haven’t been feeling the best mentally - probably because of the random exams that have been thrown at me from my school after doing 6 of them around 3-4 weeks ago - so i’m going to close my request box for the time being and maybe take some time to rest (even though...i haven’t been writing for a while until yesterday ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ) but moving on from that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and please return when you can ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

Itadori being your older brother is basically having an instant best friend in your life because Itadori is the type of brother that is reckless, hilarious, and encouraging.

Itadori will encourage you in anything that you choose to do - except for stuff that is bad, so don’t take advantage of that - but he is a supportive person in your life.

For example, if you want to get into a sport, Itadori is the best person to encourage you due to his superhuman abilities - lowkey, you both will argue that he is cheating.

Since Itadori knows how to cook, he knows how to make your favourite meal and you both will have cooking nights together that will turn into food fights leading Grandpa to yell at you both for the mess that you made.

When it comes to education, Itadori gets average grades but when it comes to science, you both are studying together all night to do well in that certain exam.

During school, everyone knows you because of Itadori and they will ask you about why he doesn’t take any sports club...just say “I have no idea”

After school, you and Itadori will go to the nearest fast-food restaurant at the end of the week and just munch on some food - both of you will steal each other's chips/fries even though you both ordered them, it’s just more tasty for some reason.

When he tells you about the whole Sukuna and curse incident and that he has to be executed by the end of eating all of 20 fingers, you would just take it as a joke at first before realising that he isn’t - it would just be a silent stare at you both after you deep it and tears will appear...that just won’t fall.

Itadori is also the brother that knows how to cheer you up and instantly make you smile, and when he is the one that makes you upset, he knows how to make you smile again - aka giving you our favourite food.

Itadori knows that you can protect yourself but after the whole curse incident, he will become more protective than he has ever been, especially with Sukuna because you don’t know what that old man would do.

Fushiguro is the only guy Itadori trusts you with like Todo is out of the question - he does trust Gojo as well since he is the strongest but Fushiguro seems like a better option.

Overall, Itadori as a brother is a brother that we all wished we had because we do need the hint of happiness in our lives and the support that he would instantly give.

Inumaki as an older brother is a weird one to describe because he is both annoying and caring at the same time to the point where you don’t know what to do.

Inumaki is the type of brother that will play pranks on you from time to time and you will run around, chasing him to hit him leading Maki and Panda to laugh.

Other times, Inumaki is the caring brother that everyone wants since he seems like the type to be perspective on your actions/anything you do - if you are thirsty, he will press a really cold water bottle to your cheek...doesn’t matter if it’s winter.

If you are able to talk or not, you and Inumaki will have a secret language together where you will chat shit about other people - but you both will learn sign languages together.

When you and Inumaki talk together, people are just purely confused about what you are both talking about because how do you understand onigiri ingredients.

Inumaki doesn’t trust any guy with you, so when any guy from the Kyoto side comes to talk to you, he will come from behind, grab your upper arms and just guide you away like the person in front didn’t expect - Todo is also out of the question for this headcanon.

When you first meet Okkotsu, Inumaki will guide you away from him in the beginning because Rika is there and Okkotsu will profusely apologise in the beginning for scaring you - when in reality you understand his situation completely.

When Inumaki and Okkotsu get closer as friends, you are also close with him and Inumaki finds it cute to the point where he will tease you and tell you to confess to him even when you don’t have a crush on him.

One thing Inumaki is thankful for is you carrying spare throat medicine for him when his spare on runs out, and if he needs to go buy more, you already have a cabinet for him.

You both as siblings are also competitive, like when it comes to games, if one person wins, the other will instantly ask for a rematch.

Overall, Inumaki as a brother is a funny experience because you both care for each other to the fullest in your own ways but there are times where you would get annoyed at him due to his pranks - Maki will attack him for you, don’t worry.

Nanami has an older brother that is the stern type to the point where he seems distant (not to the point where you question his brotherly love for you) but does worry about your wellbeing over his.

Nanami wants to make your life as comfortable as possible because he doesn’t want you to live in an endless cycle of work as he does - he wants the best for you, see him as a second parent.

Nanami will text you almost every day to make sure you have drunk water and had something to eat and if you haven’t, prepare to get a lecture through voice message/phone call - and he will come to wherever you are with a bag of food.

When he is on the phone with you, Gojo will always try to sneak in a few words only for the device to suddenly fly away from him because Nanami refuses to let him talk to you.

He will also make sure you are at least 5 miles away from Gojo (maybe 10) because he doesn’t want you to get influenced by his senior and personally, he knows that the white-haired man will flirt with you no matter what your relationship is to him.

When it comes to dating, he will tell you this: anyone is fine but they have to be a good person, anyone is fine...anyone but Gojo Satoru.

So when Gojo somehow gets to flirt with you, Nanami is already standing behind him with his wrapped up blade lifted up - and you would just give the widened eye look because what else are you supposed to say?

When he was a salaryman, you would always come to his work to give him food so he didn’t have to pay for himself and he will try to pay you back - but you refuse even when you secretly want to take it (you still do this for him, so you both would buy food for each other)

You both go to cafes quite a bit when he is free to talk to each other about life since it’s hard to catch up to each other - especially if you are both sorcerers - since it’s a really nice heart to heart conversation. 

When you were introduced to Itadori, the first-year can’t help but question if you were really Nanami’s younger sister because you were somewhat more out-going than he is but he can see some similarities in personalities from you both.

Overall, Nanami as an older brother is someone that is an act of service type of man when it comes to his brotherly love to you, he does care about you immensely and will try to make your life a little easier than his since all he wants is the best for you in this world.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: Wanda's boyfriend continues to be an aggravation in your life, causing some distance between you and Wanda

warning/s: none

author's note: i really appreciate the feedback you guys gave in the last part – it’s always motivating to read your reactions/comments 🥰

part one | part two | part four | part five | masterlist | wattpad

Sorting things out with Wanda made everything return to normal in no time. So much in fact that she decided I was worth inviting to her and her brother's birthday party.

Never in a million years did I expect the most popular girl in our grade to know who I was, let alone invite me to her birthday party, so to say I was surprised was an understatement.

"It's not a big deal if you can't make it," she said when she handed me the invitation in class. "I mean, I'd love it if you could, but yeah, no pressure."

I was in awe, accepting the invite and reading it quickly. It must have been a pretty expensive party if she was giving out special invites, that's for sure.

"You want me to come?" I asked, still unsure whether this was a joke or not.

"Only if you want to," she said quickly, eyes darting around the room and anywhere but at me. "Like I said, you don't have to. It's not a big deal and– I– yeah." She pressed her lips together and stopped rambling, offering me a small smile.

"Thanks," I said quietly, slotting the invite in my notebook. "I'll, er, I'll think about it."

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and faced forward, nodding. "Yeah, sure, no rush."

After that awkward conversation, I discovered she'd also invited Y/BF/N, the two of them developing a little friendship the more she'd hung out with me. He didn't mind going, but only wanted to do so if I went.

"I feel like I kinda don't wanna go," I admitted to him after school as we were studying in the library.

"Oh?" He rose an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

I played with the pencil in my hand. "I don't know, it's just– it's gonna be full of all of her other friends. And they don't really like me. Plus, her dick of a boyfriend is gonna be there. I just think she might have invited me to be nice. Like she might have felt like she had to because we sit together, y'know?"

"I think you know that isn't true," he said knowingly. "Maybe, just maybe, she actually wants us there, wants you there, to celebrate her birthday."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, giving it some thought. But the idea of going to Wanda's house party and seeing a bunch of people I didn't care about getting pissed wasn't comforting. Besides, even if I went, I'd probably see Wanda once before she'd get scooped away by Nate. What was the point?

"Nah, I don't think I'm going," I decided. "She won't notice. I'll just get her a present instead."

Y/BF/N sighed, clearly not impressed with my answer. Nonetheless, he said, "Okay, suit yourself."

"You can go if you want," I added, knowing his presence wasn't linked with mine.

"No Y/N, no party," he said with a dismissive shrug, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Such a good friend," I said teasingly, but there was truth to my words. And I knew he knew that. 

When I saw photos and videos of Wanda and Pietro's party all over my social media the day after, I knew I'd made the right choice in not going. It was the same visuals of everyone getting drunk, doing stupid shit and making a mess. Call me a loser, but that wasn't really my scene. Pietro and Wanda both seemed to enjoy it though, judging from the pictures.

Instead, I bought her a birthday present, knowing I didn't have to but I kind of wanted to, and planned to give it to her when she turned up to class. It was her birthday today, despite throwing the party over the weekend, so I hoped it would make up for my absence (thought I doubted she noticed).

She showed up and settled beside me as I was writing the date in my notebook, making me look up to see she'd made an extra effort to dress up for her birthday, looking fancier than usual. I couldn't help but smile at the giant '18' birthday badge pinned to her jacket.

"Happy birthday, Wanda," was the first thing I said when I saw her. "You look amazing."

A bashful smile appeared on her lips. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I hope your party went well," I said, giving her my full attention whilst trying not to drool over how beautiful she looked.

Surprisingly, her smile faded and her eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, it did... could you not make it? I tried looking for you and– yeah..."

I opened my mouth to speak, admittedly a little embarrassed that she'd caught me out. I was sure she wouldn't notice – the pictures made it seem like there were loads of guests, I'd definitely have blended in if I were there – but clearly I was mistaken.

"I just thought–" she began, before shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Sorry, I thought–" I started, but like her, didn't know what to say. "Parties aren't my thing," I admitted truthfully. "But it looked fun. You enjoyed it, right?"

She nodded, a small forced smile on her lips. "Yeah, right. It's cool. No biggie."

I swallowed awkwardly. It seemed like a biggie and now I felt bad.

"I, er, got you a gift," I blurted, hoping to change the subject. Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the terribly wrapped present and held it out nervously. "I hope you, er, like it."

Her eyebrows raised as her eyes flickered between the present and I. "Oh? You didn't have to. I wasn't expecting anything."

Was it hot in here or was it just me?

I pulled my collar away from my neck, hoping to circulate some air. "I wanted to. It's not a big deal."

She accepted the gift, fingers brushing mine and making me even more nervous, before opening it up. Her eyes sparkled with delight as she revealed a brand new leather paintbrush carry case.

"The one you always carry around is tattered and falling apart, so I thought I'd get you a new one," I explained, feeling like I had to. "I mean, unless the other one has some sort of sentimental value, then in that case, I can just return this."

"Are you kidding? I love it!" she exclaimed, looking to me with a grin. "It's beautiful, Y/N. I don't even know what else to say."

My shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile tugging at my lips. "Good. Th-that's good. I'm glad you like it."

Without warning, she moved forward off her stool and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I was startled, unable to think straight with her body pressed so close to mine and her floral perfume wafting into my nose. Why did she have to smell so good?

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling away but not quite letting go. Her eyes were glowing as they watched me carefully, accompanying her weak-in-the-knees smile. I was sure I'd melt. "It means a lot."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear I'd say something stupid. I resisted the urge to look down at her lips, which were pulled into a small, appreciative smile. She let go of me, looking to the case again and unravelling it. I caught my breath meanwhile, my senses still on override as her perfume lingered.

She was just so damn beautiful.

—

"Okay, how about this – robotic or organic aliens. Which would you rather invade our planet?" Y/BF/N asked.

I chuckled at his question. "Definitely haven't thought about that one, but let's see..."

We were hanging in the bleachers out near the football field as we waited for football practice to end. Y/BF/N had a Film project to do and needed to film the field, so I offered to help like the good friend I was.

"Probably organic," I answered as I balanced on the bleachers, standing up and tiptoeing down them like steps. "At least we could reason with them if they tried to kill us because they'd have a conscience. Robotic aliens would just be programmed to take over and that's it."

Y/BF/N seemed against the idea as he played with his camera. "Yeah, but if they were robotic, all we'd have to do is launch a missile at them and they'd explode. You can break metal. It's harder to break organic matter."

I stifled a laugh. "You've given this much thought, I see."

He gave me a knowing look. "You telling me you don't think aliens exist?"

I stopped tiptoeing and stood still as I looked down at him with humoured eyes. "You know I know aliens exist."

He waved his hand like that was enough reasoning. "There you go then!"

I laughed, wondering how he thought of this stuff, then continued to balance as I walked down the bleachers. Probably the wrong choice as when I heard a voice call me, I looked up, saw it was Wanda, then proceeded to miss a step and fall onto my arse.

"Oh God, Y/N, are you okay?" she asked, moving forward to help me.

My face heated up as Y/BF/N laughed his arse off beside me. I accepted Wanda's hand and let her pull me up, before letting go immediately when I could handle it myself. Her presence always made me nervous, but this was just terrible.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, glancing at her and freezing at her piercing gaze and suppressed smile.

"You sure?" she asked, glancing at Y/BF/N, before trying to hide her own laughter.

Fuck me, why was I such a mess whenever she was around?

"Very sure," I said, though my back began to ache from where I hit it. "What's up, anyway?"

Y/BF/N finally shut up, to my relief, and Wanda minimised her laughter before scratching her head.

"I'm waiting for practice to end so I can take Pietro home," she said, nodding to the field. "I saw you both sat here and thought I'd say hi. Are you guys watching practice?"

"Not really," I answered, before tilting my head to Y/BF/N. "We're just waiting for it to end so Y/BF/N can film for his project."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting," she said, intrigued and looking to him now. "What's that about?"

As he caught her up on it, I found myself checking Wanda out without realising. She was animated as she listened to Y/BF/N talk about his assignment, eyes giving him all of her attention, and a permanent smile was fixed on her lips as she listened to him. Though it wasn't directed at me, I felt butterflies swirling a storm in my stomach and clutched it, hoping they'd go away. I loved and hated the feeling all at once.

Breaking me from my reverie, a football flew past all three of us and hit the bleachers, startling us all. We looked in the direction it came from and saw the football team looking back at us, some laughing and some disgruntled. Two players ran towards us and when they got close enough, I made them out as Pietro and Nate.

Nate was laughing as he looked between us all, before his gaze fell on me. "It's Y/N, right? I feel like I'm always throwing that thing at you. Sorry about that."

But his constant laughing and lack of guilt refuted his words. I merely clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes his way, not that he seemed to care nor notice. I was a mere fly in a world that revolved around him. He'd never notice.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were over here," he added, looking to Wanda. "You okay?"

Wanda crossed her arms and seemed frustrated. "I'm fine, Nate. Just get your ball."

He shrugged and grabbed his ball. Before leaving, he pressed a kiss to Wanda's cheek which made me wince, but she made no attempt in enjoying it. He didn't seem to care as he took off running back to his team. Pietro smiled apologetically at the three of us.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "He can be such a dick sometimes."

That was the understatement of the century.

With that, he turned and ran back to his team to finish up. Wanda sighed, running a hand through her hair, as Y/BF/N and I exchanged glances.

"I should get the car running," she said awkwardly, pointing a thumb over her shoulder and towards the car park. "Good luck with your assignment, Y/BF/N. And I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N."

Waving goodbye with an awkward smile, I watched her leave and wondered the same thing I always did whenever Nate decided to make an appearance in my life.

How could she be dating such a dick?

—

Apart from the birthday party I didn't go to, I'd never been invited (or had a reason to go) to Wanda's house. I'd seen it, rode my bike past it, but never actually been in it. So, when she invited me to her place to work on a project we'd been assigned in class, I was unsure how to feel. She was adamant though and I had no reason to say no, so the only thing left to do was say yes. Even when she offered to drive me there after school.

"This is your car?" I asked with disbelief.

I knew absolutely nothing about cars, but I wasn't blind. Hers was a gorgeous deep red colour with a convertible roof that was currently lowered so anyone in it would feel the sun on their back and wind in their hair.

"Yeah, you like it?" she asked as she got into the driver's seat.

I gulped and sat in the passenger's seat, throwing my backpack at my feet. "It's so nice. You sure you don't mind me drinking in this?"

I had a Pepsi bottle in my hand and was deathly afraid of opening it now in case I spilt it and the cleaning bill would be more than I made in a year at the pizza parlour.

She laughed, already pulling out of the car park. "Of course. Don't be silly."

I glanced in her direction, trying not to get distracted by how good she looked in the driver's seat. She was wearing a red leather jacket, funnily enough, matching the exterior of her car, and she had dark eyeliner around her eyes, accentuating the shape and colour of them and leaving me speechless whenever she looked my way.

"There's CDs in the glove compartment," she was saying as she focused on the road. "Or you can mess around with the radio. It's up to you."

"CDs?" I asked, it piquing my interest. I reached into the glove compartment, adding, "What is this, the 2000s?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, accepting my teasing, as I flicked through the small stack of albums.

"I don't know, I guess I just like having the physical version," she said with a shrug. "It's kind of like a collection."

I chuckled at her need to explain herself, watching the way she rubbed her neck nervously, smiling with embarrassment. Looking back to the albums, a particular one grabbed my attention and I plucked it out with raised brows.

"Oh my God, you like Paramore?" I asked, looking to her with surprise. "Now it's definitely the 2000s."

Her cheeks flushed as she grew flustered. I nudged her in the side gently, getting her attention briefly.

"I'm kidding," I reassured, tilting my head her way playfully. "I actually love Paramore. They're my favourite band."

"Really?" she asked with surprise as I put the CD in her car. I hummed in response, to which she continued, "Have you ever seen them live?"

As For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic played quietly in the background, I nodded my head. "Yeah, once. It was a few years ago, but the tickets were shitty and I could just about make them out on stage in the distance."

Wanda laughed, the sound making my heart skip a beat. "No, that's so sad!"

I chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. It was, but oh well. They have a tour coming up this summer, right? Maybe I can get better tickets this time 'round... what about you? Have you ever seen them live?"

She hummed, making a turn at some traffic lights and chewing her lower lip as she focused on doing so. It was definitely the wrong time, but I found myself admiring how attractive it was, especially when her jaw tensed and her defined jawline was on display.

"Yeah, I saw them a few times," she finally responded, pulling me from my stupor. "Some really good seats, some really shitty ones." She giggled at the end, making me smile. "Maybe we could go to that concert in the summer. If you're up for it?"

This seemed like one of those times where you made plans with a friend that you knew would never happen, so to not cause an awkwardness in the conversation, I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe."

She glanced at me and I mirrored her smile, the flash of excitement in her eyes knocking me breathless.

When we reached her house, I was awestruck at how big it was from the inside. I mean, it looked huge from the outside, but the inside was even better. Her family were rich, I knew that, but this was some other level of rich.

"Here, c'mon, I'll get you a drink, then we can go into the dining room to start," Wanda said, failing to recognise my amazement and instead leading me to the kitchen. "We have tropical juice, apple juice, water, Sprite, Cola... which d'you want?"

I settled at the island, taking a seat and subtly admiring her kitchen. "Er, apple juice is fine with me."

She smiled brightly before pouring me a glass, whilst pouring herself some Sprite. Standing opposite me, we both took a moment to have a drink, but didn't get chance to exchange words as her mum entered the room and noticed me instantly.

"Y/N, it's so lovely to see you again!" she said kindly, patting me on the shoulder before heading to the fridge. "You girls hanging out? Studying?"

"We have a project," Wanda filled in as I nodded in agreement. "We alright to claim the dining room?"

After grabbing some water from the fridge, Wanda's mum pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "Sure thing, sweetie. If you need anything, just let me know." Smiling once more at me, she said, "It's good to see you, Y/N."

"You too," I said with a friendly smile before she left.

"Come on," Wanda said, motioning for me to follow. "We have tons to do."

The next hour and a half was spent with Wanda and I planning out our project, our work sprawled along the dining table messily. We were making progress, until she got a call suddenly. It seemed serious as she gave me an apologetic glance and excused herself. I let her go and leaned back in my seat, wondering what I could do as I waited for her to return. That thought was resolved quite quickly when Pietro popped his head in the doorway and spotted me.

"Y/N! What an honour to welcome you to our humble abode," he exclaimed, entering the room fully. "What brings you here?"

Pietro's presence always brought an amused smile to my lips. "Wanda and I are working on a Chemistry project. She's just nipped out for a phone call."

He tutted dramatically, crossing his arms. "Well, well, well. We can't have that! Wanda needs to learn to entertain her guests. C'mon. I was about to head to the gaming room and could use the company."

I was visibly surprised. "You have a gaming room? Dude, that's awesome!"

He laughed. "C'mon."

Joining Pietro, the two of us headed to this so-called gaming room and I was not disappointed. There was a huge TV with a PlayStation and Nintendo Switch connected to it, a snooker table, a foosball table, a dart board, some old arcade games – it was amazing, any gamer's biggest dream.

"What you feeling, princess?" he said with that flirtatious smile of his.

I rolled my eyes playfully. He was being overtly flirty, more so than his sister was – was it a Maximoff personality trait or something? – and I wasn't sure whether he meant it or was just being his usual self.

"Are you flirting?" I deadpanned, tilting my head curiously. "I can't tell."

He pocketed his hands, swinging back on the heels of his feet. "That depends. Is it working?"

Despite my lack of interest in him like that, I felt my face heat up at the attention. "Pietro, I must tell you that any moves you attempt to make kind of won't work."

"And why's that?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the snooker table with a cheeky smile on his lips. "Am I not your type?"

"Unless you change into a girl, then no," I played along, making him flush with embarrassment. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm gay."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense," he mumbled to himself, before sighing and meeting my eyes. "We can still be friends, right? Or is that forbidden since you're already friends with my sister?"

I laughed and approached him. "Friends works. I don't think Wanda will care. I certainly don't."

He grinned. "Awesome! Well, d'you wanna play a round of foosball?"

"Sure," I said with an amused expression. "Bet I can kick your arse."

He pushed himself off the table and feigned surprise. "Oh? Game on, Y/L/N."

I didn't realise how long Wanda had been on the phone until I managed to get through three rounds of foosball and was in the middle of a snooker game with Pietro.

"You may have beat me at foosball, but you're terrible at this," he pointed out with stifled laughter.

I'd missed my third shot and it was more funny than it was embarrassing.

"Your talking distracts me," I said dismissively, before lining up the next shot with my cue.

He watched as I tried to take my shot before sighing loudly. I glanced at him with a quirked brow.

"You have a thought you'd like to share?" I asked playfully.

He hesitated, moving forward to correct my posture. "Look, if you just aim it like this–"

"Don't even think about it, Romeo," I said jokingly, standing up straight and pushing him away gently. "I know what you're thinking."

He laughed. "What? I was just going to help you aim!"

I gave him a knowing look. "So holding me close is just a bonus?"

"Fine, take your shot without my help and see what happens," he said dismissively, waving his hand.

"I'll do just that," I said with confidence, before bending down and taking my shot. The ball hit the other and neither were pocketed, which was an achievement as I'd got the cue ball in several times before, but still pretty shit as I didn't score any points.

Pietro smiled with satisfaction, leaning on his cue. "You happy with that?"

I held in a laugh as I looked to him. "Shut up."

He chuckled before bumping me out the way. "Now for the professional."

Bending down to take his shot, he pulled back his cue before hitting the balls. They rolled around on the table and one ball was about to go in, but I quickly grabbed it before he could get the point.

"Y/N!" he shouted between laughter. "That's cheating!"

"Technically we didn't establish rules," I pointed out, before moving backwards as he tried to grab it from my hand. "What do you say to calling it a draw and playing something else?"

"I say that's a childish way to admit you've lost," he responded, before moving forward quickly. I dodged his attempt and he pursed his lips. "Y/N."

"Pietro."

He smirked. "Seriously?"

I grinned.

He tried to grab it again and ended up chasing me around the room as I avoided giving in. Taking the piss out of Y/BF/N enough times had prepared me for moments like this, so I was able to avoid Pietro long enough to run into whoever walked through the door.

"Shit, Wanda, I'm sorry," I said between laughter, steadying both me and her.

She smiled with confusion, about to speak, but Pietro caught up to me and lifted me up, throwing me onto the couch before I could protest.

"No more cheating," he said sternly, as I lifted my head from the pile of cushions on the couch to look up at him.

"You're an arse," I said, pushing myself up off the couch.

"And you're a sore loser!"

We had a mini staring competition before the two of erupted into laughter.

"You're not half bad, Pietro," I complimented as he helped me up.

"Thank you, princess," he said, the flirtatious smile on his lips again.

I shoved him in the shoulder playfully before looking to Wanda, who was chewing on her lip as she looked between Pietro and I with an unreadable expression.

"So, what prompted you to leave Y/N alone for an hour?" Pietro asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, making me shove him away. He grinned at me before looking to Wanda.

"Nate called," Wanda responded carefully, arms crossed as she continued to look between us. God, I hoped she didn't think Pietro and I liked each other. That would be embarrassing.

Pietro scoffed from beside me, making Wanda sigh with annoyance.

"Don't start, Piet," she said and gave him a look which he seemed to understand.

By the sounds of it, Pietro didn't seem to like Wanda's dick of a boyfriend either. That was strange since wasn't impressing the brother the first part of being in a relationship with someone? And they were on the same football team, so I figured he'd at least tolerate him.

"Are we alright to get back to studying?" Wanda asked, directing her stare to me. The annoyance she held for Pietro was still present in her eyes and I suddenly felt nervous when she looked my way.

"Yeah, of course," I said, before giving Pietro a half-smile. "Rematch at snooker next time. Sound good?"

"Try to keep the balls on the table and we'll see," he teased, before nodding to Wanda. "You should get back to your project before Wanda kills us both with her deadly glare."

I smiled awkwardly, looking back to Wanda as she was indeed glaring at her brother. Clearly there was some sibling rivalry going on here, and I definitely didn't want to get in the middle of it, so I headed to Wanda, signalling I was ready to leave.

The two of us headed back to the dining room in an uncomfortable silence. I felt like I'd done something wrong and she was giving me the silent treatment which was strange. Then I figured it was probably something with Nate that made her annoyed, so didn't question it too much.

We sat back down and I looked at what we'd done so far to try and pick up where we left off, but then she spoke out of the blue, taking me by surprise.

"Do you like my brother?"

It was so abrupt that I took a moment to acknowledge it, blinking. "What?"

"Pietro," she clarified, saying it with such dismissiveness like it wasn't a big deal. Her attention was on the books before us as she continued, "Do you like him?"

I tried not to laugh as I shook my head. "No, Wanda. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But yeah, no, I don't like him like that."

She chewed her lip, nodding, but I swear I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. I hoped it wasn't the thought of Pietro and I that made her annoyed. I wasn't that bad, was I? I know she cared about her brother and was probably overprotective, but me being his girlfriend couldn't have been that bad, right?

We got back to work in no time, getting a lot done. I didn't realise how late it was getting until Wanda's mum poked her head in, asking if I wanted to stay for dinner.

"Dinner?" I asked, eyebrows raising with surprise. I checked my watch and realised how long I'd been here. "Damn, maybe I should head back."

"Nonsense, you must stay," her mum insisted. "Y/M/N won't mind. A daughter of hers is a daughter of mine."

"You can even sleepover if you want," Wanda offered, and I almost choked on my own spit. "It's getting pretty late."

I shook my head, forcing a small smile so they wouldn't get offended. "Honestly, it's fine. I can head back."

"Please?" Wanda asked with a hopeful expression. "It's the least I can do. I kinda wasted your time for an hour earlier..."

"I should ask my mum," I said, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

"Oh, I'll ring and let her know," Wanda's mum said breezily, before looking to Wanda. "D'you think you can clear your things up? Your brother is gonna set the table."

"Sure, mum." Wanda smiled her way as she left, before looking to me. "I've got clothes and a spare toothbrush you can use tonight."

I smiled awkwardly, nodding. Sleeping over at my crush's house wasn't how I thought I'd be spending my Wednesday evening, yet here we were.

[tootiredmotel]

Give him the real thing

For @floral-cas 's event!!! First time writing from an outsider/oc's pov so bear with me. Huge huge congrats on your milestone K!!! You are a PILAR of this lil community and we all love you 💚🌺💚🌺💚🌺

Read on ao3. 1.7k words

"Alright, uh… confession. I got no idea what I'm doin' here."

He looked around the shop like a monster was about to pop out of any corner. Like the carnations were going to bite him and the pots lined up on the windowsill next to them would come to life and crush his feet. The poor guy looked terrified, but it's nothing Maya hadn't handled before.

"That's what I'm here for. What's your name?" She asked, sensing they'd be there a while.

"Dean."

On any other day, Maya would've been resenting a burly, middle-aged guy with no idea what he wanted coming into the shop twenty minutes before closing, especially on a Thursday. Jade had their A.A. meetings on Thursdays so Maya was alone for the evening. But this Dean guy? He looked so lost, so nervous, so utterly out of place. There was something else about him that made her want to help, too. Maya wasn't sure what, but she'd figure it out.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Maya. Let's start with this: why are you here today, Dean?"

"Anniversary tomorrow."

Concise and to the point. Maya made a mental note. She also noted how he wiped his palms on his jeans and clenched his jaw. Nerves.

"How many years have you been together?"

That got a smile out of him. "A lot. A whole lot. But this is, uh. First wedding anniversary."

She donned a wide smile. "Congratulations. That's wonderful."

"Yeah. Thanks, thank you." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, still not meeting her eyes.

"Doing anything special?"

"Nothin' fancy. My brother and his wife are taking the kiddo for the night so, picnic in the backyard, lookin' at the stars, all that cheesy romantic crap."

His words didn't match his tone. It was evident Dean was absolutely smitten, Maya recognized the look, and he was making an effort. He was filled to the brim with giddiness and adoration for this person, and it shone through from him just thinking about them. Jade still looked at Maya like that every morning and night, and so did Maya at them. Every day since freshman year of college. Maya's chest swelled.

"Thing is," Dean continued, a bit more relaxed now. "Cas knows all about this stuff. We got this huge garden behind the house that I'm not allowed to even touch. There's a million books about nature and trees and flower meanings on the shelf, and Cas has read all of 'em. I didn't even know flowers had meanings, I don't know jack shit about any of it, but…"

"You want to impress Cas."

"I wanna impress Cas. It's gotta be good." 

"You've come to the right place then." Maya kept an eye on Dean as she circled the counter. He was studying the pride flags hanging in the window with a clenched jaw, and Maya went on alert. She pulled out the binder they kept in the drawer and plopped it down in front of him a little harder than she needed to, calling his attention. "My partner Jade is more of a nerd about this stuff than I am, but they made this for situations like these."

Dean read the cover, Jade and Maya's Quick Guide to Flower Meanings, and smiled. "Nice."

They spent forty-five minutes walking around the store, binder in hand, slowly constructing the message Dean wanted to convey with his bouquet. He was adamant on it containing blue, so Maya went for the Forget-me-nots first. “Love and hope,” said the binder, which she deemed fitting enough for a first wedding anniversary. 

Dean looked like someone content with his life, and he agreed when Maya suggested they look under the happiness category. “Well, Cas makes me happy,” he said, and they settled on Felicias, also blue. 

Dean eventually got comfortable enough and leaned over to look at the binder in Maya’s hands. “Think there’s anything in there for grace?”

Highly specific, but possible, Maya thought. “Let’s find out.”

And they did. Plumerias, white.

“Anything else?” She asked him. Dean donned a thousand-yard stare as he thought about it, and Maya figured this man had been through a lot. More than she could ever imagine. She was glad he’d found some peace.

“Freedom,” Dean said finally. Freesias, white as well.

It was an odd bouquet, Maya admitted, but Dean was an odd man, and he looked happy with it. He was still nervous, still out of his element, but there was more excitement in the twinkle of his eyes than anything else.

“Cas will love it,” Maya assured him, and he beamed. She still knew very little about this Cas person— Dean could speak a lot without really saying anything, careful and reserved, even dancing around using gendered pronouns for Cas, which Maya found interesting—, but she could see Dean was living a happy life as their husband. That was good enough for her.

“Here’s hoping,” he said as he handed over his credit card, but he seemed a lot more sure than hopeful. He knew Cas would like it, and Maya couldn’t help a sense of pride grow inside her. Dean also put some cash in the tip jar and left with a smile. A good day’s work, and maybe a new friend in town.

---

“Maya?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

Jade poked their head in the door, beaming at Maya as she ran the books in the back room.

"There's a gentleman asking for you."

"By name?"

Jade nodded. Maya sent them a questioning look, to which they just shrugged. If Jade wasn't all that worried about it, Maya supposed there was no reason for her to be either. She made her way out, squeezing Jade's hip as she passed them, and stepped up to the counter. The trenchcoat-clad man smiled at her.

"Maya?"

The depth of his voice caught her by surprise, but she recovered in time to reply "That's me."

The man smiled wider. "It's a pleasure to meet you, my name is Cas. You might not remember, but last week you-"

"Did you say Cas?" Maya couldn't contain her interruption, or the eagerness as she asked: "Dean's Cas?"

Cas's smile widened even more, which she didn't think was possible. It was blinding, and Maya, even in all her queerness, could definitely understand what Dean saw in him. "That's right."

Dean’s fixation on blue flowers suddenly made sense too, as she noticed his eyes. "He adores you, you know. You're his heaven and earth."

Cas's smile faltered at her words, and Maya feared she'd said something wrong.

"I'm sorry if I'm overstepping."

“No, no, it’s alright.” He looked down at his wedding band, and his smile returned. “He’s all that and more to me.”

Cas stared at his ring for a second longer. It was silver and had a small blue gem embedded into it. Maya could swear it appeared to swirl with light.

“Dean spoke wonders of you,” she said.

He looked back up at her. “You, too.”

She blinked in surprise at that.

“I loved the bouquet. I thanked him for it, over and over, and every time he said you were the miracle worker. That he was clueless the whole time and couldn’t have done it without you.”

“That’s not true,” Maya deflected, a steady heat rising to her cheeks. “He had a pretty good idea of what he wanted. And, if anything, he and I couldn’t have done it without Jade’s expertise.” She gestured toward her partner, helping a customer at the other end of the shop, and also tapped the binder, which was out on the countertop today.

“Then I suppose I’m here to thank both of you.”

He reached into a tote bag that Maya hadn’t noticed he was carrying and pulled out a plastic container. “We run a small baking business out of our home. These are on me. Apple and honey tarts.” He placed the container in front of her. On top of it was a label that read D&C’s Pastries. “They are also gluten-free, just in case.“

“What’s going on?” Jade asked, approaching Maya’s side with an expectant smile.

“Jade, love, do you remember Dean? From last week?”

“You told me about him, yeah, wedding anniversary.”

“Well this is Cas,” she gestured to him.

“Dean's husband,” Cas interjected. Jade and Maya shared a knowing smile. “I just wanted to drop these off as a thank you for helping Dean. Apple and honey tarts, gluten-free.”

“That is so sweet of you,” Jade exclaimed, eagerly taking the pastries. Maya rolled her eyes fondly at the pun, which Cas didn’t seem to catch.

“I was just doing my job,” Maya said. “But thank you.”

“Papa!”

They all turned to the child, blond and adorable, running excitedly toward Cas. At the door, where the child came from, stood an exasperated Dean.

“Jack,” Cas started, scooping the child in his arms. Jack wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “I thought I told you and Daddy to wait for me at the café, I wasn’t going to be long.”

“He missed you. We both did,” Dean gazed at him as he approached. “Dude, what are you-”

Dean scanned over the scene he’d just walked into and seemed to realize what was happening.

“So that’s what the tarts were for. Hey, Maya.”

“Hi, Dean.”

“And you must be Jade,” Dean said, extending a hand toward them.

“Yes! Heard about you, nice to finally meet you, Dean.”

“You too. You and that book of yours are life-savers. If I’d known the tarts were for you guys, I would’a made more.”

“These are more than enough, thank you. In fact, here...” Maya turned to a vase of daisies they had on a shelf and pulled out three. “Now I feel like we’re even.”

“Not by a long shot,” Dean said as he took his flower and Cas’s. He put his behind his ear, and Cas’s in his trenchcoat’s lapel, as Maya handed Jack his own flower.

They all promised to not be strangers, and kept their promise. Dean and Cas would bring over baked goods, and in exchange, Jade and Maya would let them take home a potted plant for their garden. Jack would always leave with a small flower in his hand, a different one every time, wrapped in Cas’s arms as he explained the flower’s origins or symbolism to his son. Dean would be the last one out the door, always turning back and mouthing a “thank you” to Maya. Every time, without fail.

And every time, Maya would think that she wanted what they had. Happiness, peace, a family, unconditional and true love. And every time, she would look over at Jade, and know she was well on her way.

[sparklingchan]

Ruby Eyes|| Seo Changbin (Stray Kids)

Pairing : Reader(fem.) X Changbin

Word count : 7.3k+ 

Warnings : Mention of an accident, cuss words, divorce, a single kiss.

Genre : Romance, Soulmate AU, fluff, angst, best friends to lovers.

Description: Seo Changbin has done everything in his capacity to remove and replace you, yet fate seems to have different plans for the both of you.

A/N : Hello everyone ahhh I know it’s been so long y’all. So many things have been going on including exams and internships and I just didn’t have the patience to write :(( This one shot was written as a part of a collab event by wonderful, dear Ro! 

I hope y’all like it!

"So, how's it being back, y/n?"

Your dad looks older now than he did the last time you saw him - probably two years ago, when you were leaving the country.

You missed him, really. You missed his warmth and his wisdom and how he was a sharp contrast to your mother, more calm and composed. Sometimes you wonder how your mother had even managed to get your custody after their divorce.

"Okay, I guess." You lie.

You didn't want your father to know how your feelings are all over the place, ranging from sadness to anger and longingness.

It's a weird thing to be experiencing such a cocktail of emotions when you'd convinced yourself these feelings had disappeared the day you left the old neighborhood, seven years ago. You had not felt any attachment towards the new neighborhood that you and your mother then went on to live for the next two years before you moved abroad for your studies. Yet you feel nostalgic now, as your father drives you through your old old neighborhood.

"How's mom?" He asks, taking a left to a road all too familiar to you, "Is she still going to therapy?"

You nod, "She's getting better, I think. The new country seems to have changed her. The therapy is helping too. She has many friends there now. "

At first when you were offered a job at one of the biggest publishing companies in the world, you were ecstatic. But everything soon died down when you found out you were posted at a branch in the country you'd left behind. It was your mother who'd convinced you to take it.

"I know you don't like being back, y/n." Your dad smiles sadly when he pulls over infront of your old house.The house that contains years of secrets, tears, lies and whispered confessions in front of the mirror stands in front of you, as grand and pretty as ever. It looks different but similar enough to make you tear up a tad bit.

"But I'm glad you're here. I really am." He says, "I renovated the house a little when you told me you were moving back. I hope it's okay."

You smile at the old man, wrapping your arms around him, "Thanks, dad. I missed you. I'm glad you're here, too."

He pecks your forehead, "I missed you, too, love."

Moving in doesn't take a lot of time since your dad had already set up everything. You just had to get some of your stuff and you were ready to kick start your stay.

That evening, your father leaves after making you promise to call him if anything happens at all and when the front door closes, you find yourself in the company of your old room.

You lie on your bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as you hum an old tune to yourself. And without meaning to, you find yourself thinking about him; The man you hadn't seen or talked to for a whole seven years. The man who'd tried his best to stay in touch with you yet gave up when you didn't reciprocate the same.

A horrific realization then dawns on you,

He'd obviously replaced you now.

The familiar clouds of grief loom over you, threatening to engulf you any moment now.

No. Not now, please.

Getting up from your bed immediately, you shake your head as you make your way to the mirror- the mirror that had encountered more honest tears and smiles and words than any human ever had. You stare at your reflection as tears escapes your eyes, the bright red iris of your right eye staring back at you when you rub your tears off.

You shiver.

"Shit, I forgot to wear the contacts."

Quickly grabbing your lenses from your bag, you put them on, concealing the scary blood red color of your right eye. You take two long strides across the room and pulling your favorite black hoodie over your head, you walk out of the door.

By the time you manage to leave the house, it's already 10:30 in the evening. A quiet calmness has fallen over the town, as the shops and restaurants near the market square slowly start closing up. Your feet are as if on autopilot, taking you to that one place you know would still be open; Yang's Café.

And rightly so, the smell of freshly brewed coffee reaches your nostrils when you walk through their main door, past the group of chatty teenagers waiting outside. This place hasn't changed much, you realize, the brown and golden hues of the place and the vintage coffee cups collection in the far corner of the Cafe are still the same. The only difference is that you're no longer here with your best friend right after school, you are here all alone on an evening too quiet for your liking.

"Y/n? Is that you?"

When you turn around to face the owner of the voice, you are stunned.

"Jeongin?"

Jeongin's family has owned this Cafe for three generations now, from his great-grandparents, his grandparents, his parents and soon enough it'll pass down to him. As a kid, you remember often playing with Jeongin at the park and teaming up with him during quiz competition. He was always sweet and always smiley.

But the handsome young man that stands in front of you doesn't resemble the Jeongin you once used to know, not even a little bit.

"What..what happened to you!" You exclaim, taking his face in your hands, "Where are the braces! And the specs and wow, would you look at the blue hair!"

Jeongin can only let out a few giggles as you continue squishing his face and complaining how big he's grown in only over seven years.

The customers give you weird stares but only the heavens above know how genuinely happy you are to see Jeongin, albeit the fact you almost couldn't recognize him there for a second.

"What have you done to my child?" You mutter when you've finally calmed down and Jeongin takes you to your seat.

"I have a mother, y/n, thank you very much," he laughs, taking a seat opposite to yours, loosening the Barista apron around his torso, "And I missed you too."

You attempt to pinch his cheeks but he is quick to dodge.

"So how have you been?" He asks through giggly breaths.

You sigh, "I'm good... I feel weird being back here, honestly but I think I'll get used to it soon. What about you?"

"I've been good. Graduated a few months back, now I'm working here full time." He ushers over a waiter, "What would you like, y/n?"

You don't even think for a second while responding, "An iced Americano, please."

The waiter notes your order and walks away before Jeongin pinches your arm teasingly.

"Ouch. What?"

"Old habits die hard, huh? You always used to drink an iced coffee whenever we hung out here. I am glad to see nothing much has changed," Jeongin laughs, "You and Changbin, too!"

That one name sends your entire mind into a frenzy. Changbin. Seo Changbin. The love of your life. The man who you wouldn't even go to school without, the man who had saved you from a terrible accident, also the man who probably no longer even remembers you.

And you realise, despite everything, your heart yearns for him, still- for you wouldn't be in so much pain at the mention of his name otherwise.

Jeongin seems to have noticed your discomfort because he immediately changes the topic, "Anyway, you have to try our new chocolate cake. It's heavenly, I'm telling you."

Your reason to leave the neighborhood wasn't a secret, really. It was public knowledge that your mother had blamed Changbin for the fatal accident you almost had.

You're grateful for what Jeongin does, and try your best to engage in conversations about the neighborhood and old gossip you'd missed out on. Yet all you want to do is drive out of the damn Cafe and find changbin.

"Y/n?"

Or maybe, Changbin will find you.

Behind Jeongin, you see the blurry image of a man that had once caused you great misery yet you had never felt as happy as when you were with him.

"Hi..hi, Changbin." You stammer as you see the said man walk towards your table.

The seven years have as if done some magic on him, because the Changbin that walks towards you in no way resembles your high school best friend.

With thick buff arms, new ear piercings and silver jewelry gracing his wrists and fingers, you have a hard time actually accepting the fact that Seo Changbin is really there, in front of you.

"Been long, huh?" He grins, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes and somewhere in the depths of your conscience, you realize it might have been your fault. You'd done everything in your capacity to break apart from this friendship, ignoring his calls, changing your number, even going as far as blocking him on all social media.

So, did you really expect him to welcome you back with open arms when you had caused him so much pain?

Jeongin brings an extra chair for Changbin to sit on and soon, the three of you are talking, maybe not like the old, happy days but it's still better than nothing. Changbin looks at you everytime you throw your head back and laugh, your eyes squeezing shut as his heart clenches in his chest.

You are really back home.

"So what have you been doing? I told you guys about me." Jeongin says, stealing a bite off of Changbin's cheesecake.

"Oh..you know," Changbin giggles, the tip of his ears turning a light pink shade.

You raise your eye brows in confusion.

"Been busy with the wedding and all."

Your heart drops. "Wedding? W-whose wedding?" You try to laugh it off but it's very evident from the way you're gripping your glass of iced Americano that it has affected you. A lot more than you actually thought.

"I'm getting married, y/n," Changbin smiles, "I'm so glad you could be around for the wedding."

*

Your grief stricken self has not gotten up from the bed since last night and you're thankful to Jeongin for finally checking up on you or else you would have gone deeper into the spiral hole of despair.

"Are you really going to be like this, y/n?"

You hate being miserable on the very second day of your stay. You hate depending on Jeongin. But you can barely move without bursting out into tears,so it seems as though there's no better idea than have someone take care of you at the moment.

"I'm sorry, Jeongin. " You manage to speak when he places a bag full of snacks and drinks on the dining table, "And thanks."

Jeongin chuckles, "Don't thank me, just yet. Guess who wants to meet up with you?"

Your eyes widen for a split second as you sit up on the couch, "Who?!"

No, he wouldn't, would he?

"It's not the person you think, y/n. Calm down." He laughs, "It's Bang Chan. Your senior, you remember?"

Oh, yes, the infamous Bang Chan. Shy smiles, dimples, curly hair, angelic eyes. Yeah, you remember the school's heartthrob. Very clearly.

"I was talking to him this morning and he said he'd be very glad to catch up with you again." Jeongin settles beside you, "It's not a date, y/n. He's an old friend. It wouldn't hurt, would it? You can't possibly sit here all day long crying about him."

You open your mouth to argue, but only air slips out and you realise you don't have anything to defend your miserable state with. You knew this was coming; when you cut off all ties with Seo Changbin, you knew this was coming.

Jeongin is right; you need to go out and meet new people.

You roll your eyes before pinching Jeongin's cheeks, "Fine. Give him my number."

He responds by pulling your cheeks as well.

*

The first day of work is weirdly gut wrenching.

You hadn't expected yourself to be this nervous but here you are, muttering under your breath as you make way towards the office.

"You'll be okay, y/n," you breathe in, "You've worked hard for this." And breathe out.

A few more minutes of self pep talking and you see all your hard work and expectations go down the drain as you feel a few droplets of rain fall onto your head. You look up and the dark, heavy clouds greet you.

Bloody brilliant.

You see the office goers around you jog quickly to the nearest shelter but you're short on luck today as your gaze falls on your watch and you realize you don't have enough time to wait for the rain to pass.

So you grab your office bag, cover your head with that and make a run for it.

The sole of your high heel shoes dig into your feet and a throbbing pain shoots through your body, as you wince. Note to yourself - never wear heels to office again.

You also secretly pray to the gods that your contact lens don't get washed off. Turning up at your new office on the first day with a blood red iris doesn't feel too fun, really.

"Do you need a lift?"

You had been so busy running to your office that you don't notice when a black car drives toward you and the driver rolls down the window, offering you a smile.

Seo Changbin.

Your heart skips a few beats.

"Y/n, do you need a lift?"

You blink back to reality when he clicks his fingers in front of you, "I-I mean if that's okay with you."

Changbin smiles, pointing to the passenger's seat, "Come on in."

When you're comfortably seated in his car, using his spare towel to wipe off the water from your face and hair, his questions start-

"So.." He steps on the break when the traffic light turns red, "How have you been?"

You look at the digital clock displayed on the cars' LED, and sigh. You're late to work and you're stuck in traffic with the one man you'd rather not be stuck in traffic with. Brilliant.

"Good." Your eyes are focused on the cars outside the window, "You?"

There's a moment of silence before he speaks again, "Fine."

Fine? Just Fine? Shouldn't he be over the clouds, now that the wedding is finally around the corner?

"Okay.."

"Actually, I meant to ask you earlier, y/n." He turns to you, a gentle smile playing at his lips, "I am throwing a party this weekend. I'd love it if you could come by. And I could introduce you to her."

You sink back into your seat, biting your lip, wondering if you want to ever know who her is. Your peace of mind is more important than meeting your ex crush's fiance, right? And if you do end up going to the party, whom would you hang out with? It's not like you know any of his rich friends and cousins and there's no way you'd hang out with Changbin and the said fiance.

You are about to respectfully reject the invitation when a sudden, seemingly good idea pops into your head.

Bang Chan.

You nod, shrugging, "Okay. I'll be there."

You clasp your hands together as he continues driving and you look out the window, unable to suppress the bubbling excitement.

"Great, then." He replies, suspiciously.

*

The evening of the party finally arrives, much to your dismay, you find yourself seated next to Chan. He's just the same as the guy in your memory; a gentleman.

"You look pretty, y/n." He had greeted you as he held the car door open for you, "I'm glad we could meet up."

His words turn your cheeks into a darker shade of red but your heart doesn't beat quite as furiously as you'd expect it to.

Muttering a small thank you, you seat comfortably in the car while Chan drives towards Changbin's family's old Farmhouse on the outskirts of the city. You've been there before - during summer holidays, he would take you there with his family. That place was only filled with happy memories of sunshine, swimming pools, watermelon juice and bonfires.

You swallow the grief that comes along with these memories.

"Are we here already?" Chan pulls over in a familiar driveway not even ten minutes later, jogging up to your door and clicking it open, like the gentleman he is.

"Yeah, we're here." Chan smiles, "Very less traffic tonight."

You guys walk through the huge metallic gate, making your way through the main door of the house.

"Uh..." People are crowded mostly around the front door and in the front yard, so you and Chan have to push and squeeze your way into the Farmhouse. You hate the feeling of sweaty bodies pressing against you (or holding Chan's hand for stability) but desperate situations call for desperate measures.

"I hate it here." You mutter when you later find yourself by the pool side, swirling the drink that you don't even plan on drinking and looking at all the flushed faces having the time of their lives.

Thankfully, Chan happens to be on the same boat as you.

"I'm sorry I dragged you here, Chan. We could have just gone for a movie."

Chan giggles, "Hey, it's alright. I don't mind, I'm glad I could spend some time with you after so many years."

His eyes shine and dimples deepen.

You whisper, "Yeah, me too."

Chan is a handsome man, good at all kinds of sport, good at arts, very smart and intelligent yet there's a part of you that knows you'd never be able to reciprocate his flirtatious words. It's sad, really, but that's just how life is.

"Wow, those two seem to be having the time of their lives." Chan chuckles, pointing at someone behind you.

It's quite dark outside, the only source of light being a few decorative fairylights hung at random places haphazardly.

Hiding behind a huge, tall bush, you see a couple, kissing each other like it were the last day on the planet.

The guy's hands roam all over the woman's body and the woman is so loud that even you could hear her sighs and moans. When she pulls away to catch her breath for a second, Chan asks you, "You know her?"

"Nope. I don't know either of them."

You look away; what kind of creep looks at a happy couple like that? (Not a creep, just a lonely and touch starved person)

"Should we check out the dinner table?" Chan suggests and you agree with a nod, "I hope there's no crowd there."

As expected, there actually isn't a crowd there - there's only Changbin, sitting and nibbling on a pizza slice while scrolling through the phone.

The moment your eyes land on him, your feet as if stop on their own and your heart bangs furiously against your chest.

He's breathtakingly gorgeous.

By the time you debate in your head whether or not you want to sit there and fill your stomach, Chan has already made his way to Changbin.

"Hey, Bin!" He greets him with a smile.

Changbin looks at Chan with an unamused smile, the same one from your high school days, when these two were named the biggest rivals on campus. You wonder if somewhere deep in his heart, Changbin had still not let go of that rivalry.

"Hey, Changbin." You manage to whisper before sitting beside Chan.

He looks almost angry.

"You should have the pizza. It's good." He mutters, turning to pass you a slice of pizza on a plate, "Help yourself, Chan."

Yup, there it is. The Seo Changbin that would kill to be on top. You feel worse about dragging Chan here now when neither of you were having a good time.

"Thanks, mate. " Chan replies.

Your ears ring with the sound of approaching footsteps, and when a pretty girl comes walking in and takes Changbin in her arms, your heart stings. Like a fresh wound.

"Y/n.." Chan whispers to you as you watch the two collide in a loving embrace, Changbin smiling at her and running his fingers through her hair.

Your heart hurts at how happy and content he looks.

You could have had that, a part of you thinks, if you weren't such a coward, it would have been you instead of her.

"Y/n," Chan calls you again.

"What?" Your tone is harsher than you intended, "What happened?"

You think Chan is about to give you the whole it-is-time-to-move-on talk but he doesn't, instead he points at the girl and whispers,

"It's her. The girl we saw earlier."

The rest of the night is blurry to you, all conversations, all gazes, all thoughts just feel ....like an awkward dream.

"We have to tell Changbin."

You're sitting at Yang's Cafe at 1 am the same night, watching Jeongin's brother guide his staff to clean the place up.

"I agree." Chan says, biting the inside of his cheeks.

While you, on the other hand, are completely zoned out, staring at the glass of water placed in front of you and watching the droplets on its surface race each other.

"Y/n, what do you think?" Jeongin asks when you don't take part in their discussions.

You sigh, "I don't know. I really don't. As much as it troubles me that Changbin is being cheated on, I don't want to get involved in their personal relationship. "

"Let's not tell anyone for now, then. But someday in the future, before that goddamn wedding, we have to tell him. He deserves to know." Chan agrees.

You purse your lips and close your eyes.

Chan is right.

Changbin deserves to know the truth.

*

"So, how's it being back in town, y/n?"

"It feels good. Weird, but good." You smile at your old teacher, "How have you been, Miss Oh?"

Your teacher adds sugar to the cup of tea in her hands and then looks at you, smiling - the same old smile, except with more wrinkles now, "I've been good. I'm retiring next year so I'm glad I could see you before that, huh?"

You nod your head, "I'm glad too. The school hasn't changed much, unlike what I had expected."

Other than the addition of some new labs and libraries, and the change in color of the walls, everything was still the same. No place in this old school building feels foreign to you.

"Ugh, these administration people I tell you, y/n, they're cheap idiots. They won't spend a single penny on infrastructure unless it's absolutely necessary." She complains as you giggle in response,

"They've always been like that."

Miss Oh gulps some tea from her cup, "Anyway, y/n, I have a class now. I would have loved to stay and chat, really, but I'm afraid that might get me in to trouble."

"No issues, Miss Oh. Go ahead. I'll just roam around the school a little more though, if that's okay."

After Miss Oh leaves, you step out of her cabin and walk the familiar corridors, reminiscent of the memories you have here. Studying a few minutes before tests, bunking classes, running to class when you're late, hanging out with your friends- these corridors have seen you grow in love, in friendship, in life. There's absolutely nothing that could ever replace these memories.

Mindlessly, you wander around the third floor, walking toward the end of the corridor before stopping in front of an old door, way too familiar to not try and push open.

While a part of you tells you it might not be a good idea to go into that room again, there's also a part of you that thinks it's a bloody brilliant idea.

Pushing the door open, you walk into the old dusty room, sighing in relief when you see a particular set of letters still carved on the wall.

CB and YN were here.

You finally let your tears run free, as you crouch down to touch the letters.

Your heart aches at how much you miss Changbin being an important part of your life and how much you miss being his top priority. And your heart aches for Changbin, who is so in love with his fiancé and has no idea he's being cheated on.

You almost want to leave this town and go back to your mother, away from this terrible mess. Yet you don't find it in yourself to act on those thoughts.

Maybe, it is your fear of abandoning him once again that stops you. Or, maybe it is simply the unconditional love you harbor for him.

* Surprisingly, Yang's Cafe is near empty that afternoon.

"Did something happen, y/n? You look really worried." Changbin has his arms crossed over his chest, looking at you with a tense frown.

"Um..it's kind of complicated." You sigh. For a second, you see the genuine concern and innocence on his face, and you wonder if it is worth telling him the truth at all because it would kill you to see him lose his smile but then, his engagement band shines on his ring finger and your stomach turns unpleasantly.

He has to know. From you. In person.

"Changbin, that day at your party...I saw something. " You whisper, "Something I shouldn't have. I should have turned a blind eye really but I can't. My conscience won't allow it. I'm sorry, Bin."

"Y/n, it's okay, just tell me," he reaches over and wraps his fingers around yours, soft and gentle, "You're scaring me."

"Changbin, your fiance is cheating on you. I-I saw her kissing another man that night. Chan saw it too." You feel sick even having to say this to him, "I think you should confront her."

He sucks in a deep breathe, his face completely void of any emotions as he extracts his hands from yours.

"I know." Is all he says.

His eyes drill into yours, as if accusing you of a crime. He looks angry. Just how he looked the day you brought Chan to his party.

"Why are you still marrying her then?" You question.

He sits up straight, "Y/n, I wish I could explain. But I can't. I'm sorry. And please, stay out of this, okay?"

"Why? Why should I stay out of it?" Your voice threatens to break, "I cannot watch my best friend marry a woman who's not loyal. You deserve better than this, Bin."

A sarcastic chuckle leaves Changbin's lips as he taps his foot against the floor, "Let me correct you, y/n. You were my best friend. Seven years ago. You're not anymore."

Your heart shatters.

A part of you knows you deserve this after ghosting him for seven long years. You were the center of each other's world at one point of time.How could you have been so selfish to ever think that your absence and lack of communication wouldn't hurt him?

"Changbin, I'm sorry for everything I did okay. B-but I never stopped thinking or worrying about you. Even for one second. And I still do."

Changbin pushes his chair back and stands up while you stay frozen in your seat.

"It doesn't seem like that though. "

"What do you even mean!"

"Chan. I mean Chan, y/n." He grabs his phone and purse, "Goodbye, y/n. I hope Chan turns out to be a better friend than I ever did." With that, the love of your life walks out of Yang's Cafe.

And for once, he doesn't even look back.

* "Y/n, don't let go of my hand!"

Changbin is panting heavily, his voice shaking with fear as he desperately tries to hold onto you.

He should have known it would be a bad idea to play badminton near the infamous cliff in your town yet when you had showed him your innocent smile and pleading eyes that day, he just couldn't say no.

Your sweaty hands clutch his, legs dangling over the edge of the cliff. Your free hand grabs the rough surface of the rocky cliff to keep yourself from falling.

You want to cry; but you're too traumatized to even let out more than a few terrified grunts. "Y/n," he yells, "I'm going to try and pull you up one more time, okay?."

You don't even remember how you had ended up in this situation; one second you were happily giggling, playing badminton with Changbin and in the next second, you found yourself hanging by the cliff, praying for your dear life.

With all the energy he has left, he tries to pull you up onto the surface.

"Y/n, you have to free the other hand. Let go of that rock." He pants.

You shake your head vigorously, you know you would not survive if you let go of the rock, you'd fall thousands of feet below into absolute nothingness.

"Y/n, please listen to me." Changbin pleads, now crying, "Please. I'll catch you, I promise. I'll not let you die. Just..please."

Changbin sounds like he's about to give up and in all honesty, you couldn't blame him really. Everytime your eyes fall on what's beneath you, a part of you loses hope.

"Please, come on, y/n," he's still pulling at your free hand, while his right hand awaits desperately to grab the other hand. A mixture or sweat and tears grace his face, making him shine under the bright afternoon sun. Your heart aches at the mere thought of never seeing him again- your friend, your childhood crush, your partner in everything.

Well, here goes nothing then.

You suck in a deep breath and let go the Rock, immediately reaching for Changbin. He is quick to grab both of your arms and in one swift movement, he pulls you up onto the surface.

You fall onto his chest, "Y-you saved me."

Changbin let's out a sob mixed with a relieved giggle, pulling you into his arms.

Your eyes feel heavy, as darkness slowly begins to engulf your vision.

"Oh God, I am so sorry this happened, y/n. It's all my fault." He cries, rubbing your back softly, "I'm so sorry. I thought I was going to lose you, oh God. Fuck!"

You want to tell him that it was never his fault, and that you wouldn't even be alive if not for him but your body betrays you and your body goes limp against his.

*

"I'm not leaving this neighborhood."

Your hands rest angrily on your waist as your mom frantically walks from your closet to where the suitcase is spread open on your bed, shifting all your clothes. She dumps them inside the suitcase, not bothering to fold them even.

"You will do as I say! That Seo Changbin tried to push you off of a cliff and heaven knows what he might do next!" Your mom yells back.

You sit at the edge of your bed, trying to keep yourself calm, "Mom, I told you it was an accident. I fell because I was going after the shuttlecock and didn't notice the cliff. Moreover, why would my best friend want try to kill me!"

Your mom let's out a sarcastic laugh, closing the suitcase roughly. She looks at you with eyes full of contempt and a part of you knows that there's no point in trying to convince her. Her mind is already made. Yet you refuse to go down without a fight.

"You're just sixteen, sweetie. You don't know anything about the cruel world, " your mother sighs, "Rich people are not friends with anyone. Changbin may be nice to you but he only sees you as a pathetic poor girl."

"Mom, we're not even poor!"

"Yes, I know. But those filthy rich businessmen consider everyone below their economic status poor. His family probably doesn't like him being friends with you which is why they asked him to get rid of you."

You think of Mrs. Seo's face in your head, always smiling and always welcoming. You remember Changbin's sister and how she'd promised to let you borrow her dress for this year's winter prom. And you think about Changbin- his face, his smile, his passion for music and his protectiveness towards you. Why would these people ever want to hurt you?

"Mom, you're being ridiculous right now! Do you even hear yourself!" You stand up from the bed, now beyond frustrated.

She walks upto you and grabs your arm tightly, nails digging into your skin as you whimper slightly. "You will listen to me. I am your mother and you will listen to me. " she growls, "Pack the rest of your stuff. We're leaving tomorrow."

When she finally walks out your bedroom, your first instinct is to dress yourself in your black hoodie and track pants, and quietly slip out of the back window of your room.

The cold air nips at your skin, goosebumps slowly appearing on your arms and legs but you're too preoccupied to pay too much heed to it.

You reach Changbin's house and like always, walk up to the backyard and climb upto his room through the emergency staircase.

When Changbin hears knocks on his window, he quickly removes his headphones, "y/n?"

He walks upto the window and let's you in, his heart more at peace now than it's ever been the entire day. The guilt from the accident you had earlier was clawing at his conscience.

His room is mostly dark except for his table lamp. You notice the lyrics notebook lying on the table, open with some scribbles and random phrases on the pages.

"How are you feeling?"

You sit at the edge of his bed, cross legged while he kneels on the floor to get to your level. His hands find yours naturally.

"Fine," you swallow the tears that have been accumulating since you left the house, "Changbin, I- we're leaving tomorrow."

Changbin is taken aback; his heart shattering into billions of pieces at your words.

"Leaving? What do you mean Leaving?" his voice trembles.

You lick your dry lips and tell him everything your mom had told you earlier. When his face twists bitterly, a part of you wishes you'd held your tongue yet a bigger part of you wants Changbin to know the truth now; you didn't want him sending you off with lies in his mind and the fear of him finding out some years later just killed you inside.

"I'm so sorry, Changbin. Mom's just not been okay after the divorce." Your voice breaks when Changbin refuses to look at you, "I know she's speaking bullshit. But there's absolutely nothing I can do to change her mind, I've tried I swear. I'm sorry, Changbin."

When Changbin finally does look at you, even in the dim lit room, you see the tears glistening on his face, mirroring the ones that roll down your cheeks. "Why are you sorry, y/n? I don't blame your mom." He mutters, "It was partly my fault. I should have taken more care, I-"

You cup his cheek, "Shh. Bin, are we really going to spend my last night here crying and blaming ourselves? We might never see each other again."

The words sink deep into his soul, and he nods. He wills his tears back in as he grabs your hand tighter.

"Okay. What do you wanna do?"

You smile a little, "You're not gonna like it though. "

"Stargazing it is then." He giggles a little as the both of you make your way to balcony attached to his room.

It is quiet outside, unlike the noise in your head and you feel the calmness spreading to you when you look up at the stars.

Changbin brings a picnic mat from inside and spreads it out on the floor, along with two pillows and a blanket.

"We'll stay in touch, yeah? If you ever need anything, I'll be right here." He reassures you, lying beside you, hands behind his head.

You smile yet you cannot bring yourself to promise him the same because you know your mother would do everything in her power to push the two of you apart, even to the point of physically hurting Changbin. You would never want that so you'd rather distance yourself and let Changbin forget about you. And maybe, just maybe fate would be a little nicer to you and decide to bring you into his life again. Many years later.

He presses a soft kiss to your head, "You'll always be my best friend, y/n. I don't care how far we are."

It takes everything in your being to not repeat the words.

*

"Changbin, come on we're getting you to the hospital this instant, okay?" Mrs. Seo is furious next morning, running from room to room, looking through the list of doctors she'd saved just in case of emergency.

When she looks at her son, sitting on the sofa with one of his eye irises turning a glowing red, she is reassured that this is an emergency.

"How did this even happen, mom? I swear I didn't try to do anything funny with my eye." He murmurs, scared, "It feels so itchy, gosh!"

Mrs.Seo looks at him with concern just when the doctor picks the call, "Oh, hello Dr.Lee! Thank god you picked up!"

After his mom walks out of his room, Changbin quickly types you a text,

Binnie: Hey. Did you leave already?

Y/nnie: No not yet. We've stopped at the doctor's.

Changbin's eyes widen in alarm.

Binnie: What why?

You look at your face in the decorative mirror at the doctor's waiting room, one of your irises burning into a bright shade of ruby.

Y/nnie: Mom's running a cold.

You close the messenger app before he even replies, deciding to change your number and deleting all your old contacts as soon as you move into your new house. And as much as it hurt you, this one text turned out to be the last time Changbin and you ever talked.

*

It has been raining all day, which means you were stuck in your goddamn house with nothing to do but cry about Changbin and your lost friendship and your broken heart.

After you manage to get some food into your body during dinner time, you crawl back to your room and look into the mirror as you comb your hair and moisturize your skin.

(Self care is important, y'all)

Your red iris stares back at you, taunting your mistakes and calling you a coward.

If only you had still tried to keep in touch with him, if only that stupid accident wouldn't have happened in the first place, if only.

Suddenly, a knock on your balcony door makes you jump in your place.

Shit. Is it a burglar?

You grab the closest thing that could be classified as a weapon - which happens to be an umbrella.

The knocking continues.

"Y/n, it's Changbin." He yells, "Can I please talk to you?"

You freeze in your spot.

Why in the world is he here? Does he have anything worse to say? Is he here to invite you to his wedding? But why would he sneak in through the balcony when he can easily ring the main door bell.

"Y/n, are you in there?"

You quickly walk upto the door and slide it open, revealing Changbin, completely drenched in the rain. His wet hair stuck to his face and "Shit. What the- God, come inside!"

He obeys and tiptoes inside your room, a guilty expression plastered on his face.

You guide him directly to the bathroom and offer him a towel.

"What are you even doing here, Bin?" You lean against the door frame, hands crossed over your chest.

He is drying his hair with the towel when he looks up at you as if to answer your question but he stops. His mouth hangs open as his eyes remain glued to your face.

And that's when you realize why he looks so surprised.

"Shit- fuck." You turn around immediately, "my lenses," you mutter to yourself.

But before you can even walk upto your dressing table, Changbin has caught your wrist and spun you around, pulling you closer to his body.

"Your eye." He let's out a shaky breath.

"Yes, I know. Please don't freak out. It's always been like this after -"

"After the accident." He finishes your sentence, "I know."

Your mouth runs dry as his face draws in closer, "What do you mean you know? What do you know?"

He let's go of your wrist and takes a step back, turning around so that his back faces you.

And when he turns to look at you again, you swear you could have passed out there and then.

"Y-you have it too." You whisper, weak in the knees, "You have a red iris too."

Changbin gives you a small smile, "Yes, y/n."

"But why? What does this mean?" You say, "Is it a symptom of some chronic illness?"

"It's a soul mark."

"What's a soul mark?"

"It's a mark that exists on the bodies of soulmates."

You feel a pang in your chest; like someone was squeezing your heart out of your chest.

"Right," You fall back onto the bed, dazed with the sudden piece of information, "And how do you know all this?"

Changbin kneels down in front of you, hands finding yours. He looks more relaxed than he did since the first day you come back to town.

It almost feels like you had been given back your old friend.

"I've been doing my research, y/n. After you left, this is all I've been doing." He says, "This is also the reason why I had gotten engaged. By that time, I had given up on finding a soulmate. So I just settled for whatever I got. I didn't even feel bad when I found out my fiance was not in love with me. For the world, we might look like a happy couple, but truly, it was just a marriage of convenience for our parents' business."

You bite your lips wondering how to respond to these words. He'd laid bare his heart in front of you, something you never thought he'd do ever again.

"What now?" You say, tired.

He intertwines your fingers, "Also, I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have said all that."

You nod, "It's alright. I know you didn't mean it. And for the record, I and Chan have nothing going on."

"And for the record, I also broke off my engagement."

Your eyes widen as a gasp leaves your lips, "What? Why?"

"Because when I told my parents that I do not love my fiancé, and that I have only ever loved you, they said my happiness was more important than their business."

When you don't reply to his words, he looks worried, "Hey, you don't have to feel burdened to like me back and all okay? Literally, if you want me to leave you alone, I will. I understand-"

You pull him by the nape and place the softest, gentlest, most sincere kiss on his lips.

"I feel the same way, dumbass." You sigh as you pull him into your arms.

He muzzles his face in the crook of your neck, playing with your hair from behind, "So what now?"

"Let's start with a date." You say, "Let's take it slow."

Changbin wraps his arms tighter around you, kissing your cheek, "As you wish, my love. "