#we should back on our regular every other sunday posting schedule now

[moonshine-nightlight]

Nothing's Wrong with Dale: Part Twenty-One

It’s been a week, but you’re fairly certain your fiancé accidentally got himself replaced by an eldritch being from the Depths. Deciding  that he’s certainly not worse than your original fiancé, you endeavor to keep the engagement and his new non-human state to yourself.

However, this might prove harder than you originally thought.

Fantasy, arranged marriage, malemonsterxfemalereader, M/F

AO3: Nothing's Wrong with Dale Chapter 21

[Part One][Part Two] [Part Three] [Part Four] [Part Five] [Part Six] [Part Seven] [Part Seven.5] [Part Eight] [Part Nine] [Part Ten] [Part Eleven] [Part Twelve]  [Part Thirteen] [Part Fourteen] [Part Fifteen] [Part Sixteen] [Part Seventeen] [Part Eighteen] [Part Nineteen] [Part Twenty] Part Twenty-One [Part Twenty-Two] [Part Twenty-Three][Part Twenty-Four] [Part Twenty-Five] [Part Twenty-Six] [Part Twenty-Seven] [Part Twenty-Eight] [Part Twenty-Nine] [Part Thirty] [Part Thirty-One] [Part Thirty-Two] [Part Thirty-Three] [Part Thirty-Four]

You barely contain a sigh of relief as you sit down next to Grandmother.

Perhaps yesterday’s gala’s events were more mentally taxing as you tried to keep Dale’s hands out of sight long enough for the detection colors from Dr. Louisa’s gloves to fade—not to mention the conversation preceding that mess—but today was tiring in an entirely different manner. You’ve been kept on your feet nearly the entire day and you are exhausted. Between inspecting various buildings all over the city for hours to start with and an evening spent dancing, you want nothing more than to be still.

Some of that sentiment must still be evident from your facial expression as Grandmother reaches over to pat your hand. “Have you been enjoying the dancing, dear?”

“Yes, Grandmother, but I believe I am finished for the night,” you reply and she smiles.

“I am glad you have been taking advantage of the vigors of youth while you have them,” Grandmother says. She looks over to where Grandfather is sitting and talking to a musician across the room. “Would that we were able to still dance as you do. Alas, all we have to show for our years are aching joints and lovely children.” She winks at you.

You smile back and gratefully accept the water glass your maid pours for you with a murmured thanks. While you rest, Grandmother bids good night to a number of said children and grandchildren, leaving you longing to follow them. Yours and Dale’s roles as the guests of honor make it unclear when exactly it is socially acceptable for you to depart. You’ve often been staying at least as long as Grandmother and Grandfather, if not an hour beyond them so as to ensure you spoke to all guests and showed your hosts proper respect.

You truly hope that will not be the case tonight because you’re not sure you’ll make it that late.

Dale joins you with Francesca and Charles, his cousins, who then depart themselves having sent their children up with a maid hours ago. Dale sits next to you but talks primarily with Grandmother, chatting about the others he’s been speaking to while you resist the urge to fall asleep in your chair.

A few moments later Dale says your name, rousing you. Straightening, you find you’ve indeed ended up leaning quite heavily against the back and side of your chair closest to him. Heat warms your face at practically falling asleep against Dale at a gala. “Yes?”

“Do you wish to retire for the evening?” Dale asks, his expression kind and nonjudgmental. You can hear the offer to retire as well and are grateful for it.

“I know that it is not as late as some nights have been,” you say, unable to keep from feeling somewhat defensive—after all it wasn’t even midnight yet, though it was close. “But it has been a long day. I am ready for sleep.”

“I agree,” Dale replies easily, he reaches down and squeezes your hand where it sits on the arm rest closest to him. “And we have plenty of errands to run tomorrow.”

He’s right. There are no balls or galas tomorrow. Instead you’ll be taking advantage of the time in the city to inspect the progress on the completion of various wedding clothing, decorations, food and so on to be sent on ahead to the estate. In fact, the only social event is a small dinner at the mayor’s home in the evening which is fine with you.

Besides, there’s another reason you want to be well rested for tomorrow. That had been the day marked “SECRETS” on the astrologer’s calendar. You still have no notion as to what that could mean, however, you do expect that you should be well rested for whatever it turns out to be.

“If you young ones are all already turning in, then I shall too,” Grandmother announces. “Dale, your aid, my boy.”

Dale is nearly already standing up to walk over to his Grandmother’s side, picking up her cane along with his own. You try to perk up enough to be helpful, finishing off your drink and supporting Grandmother’s other arm as she gets to her feet.

Grandmother’s maid is sent ahead to prepare her rooms, while the three of you, in addition to your own maid, begin to make your way to the guest quarters you’ve occupied this week in the Governor’s home. You’re grateful he’s allowed you to have an entire, if smaller, wing to yourselves. Such privacy means that any continuing festivities don’t upset your sleep, which given how busy these days have been, is critical.

You’ve made it halfway across the room when Grandfather walks over to you at a pace too quick for how tiring a day this has been, even if he hasn’t danced as much as you have. “Dale, there you are,” he looks triumphant as he continues, “Marquis Tiffin has finally stopped occupying Duke Yoral’s sole attention. You wished to speak to him, did you not?”

Dale’s eyes light up—only metaphorically—before he turns to you and Grandmother. “I did, however…”

“If you wish to stay, dear, do not let us steal you away too soon,” Grandmother says. “You’re a good lad, wanting to accompany me back to my rooms, but your fiance will be help enough. Enjoy yourself.”

“Yes,” you encourage him. “I know you had been attempting to talk to him all evening.” This Duke was the brother of a friend of his from abroad and he wanted to discuss sourcing certain ingredients for more foreign meals with him, in addition to comparing general travel stories as he had helped Dale’s group plan their trip.

“Thank you,” Dale replies with a grin at you both. After resettling Grandmother’s hold to your arm instead of his, he turns to Grandfather, “Are you sure you want to join us? Perhaps even the discussion of certain spices might cause your cough to come back.”

Grandfather elbows Dale in response to his teasing, “Impudent lad. Introduce me to your friend with all due respect and perhaps I shall refrain from sharing tales of your foolish youth.”

They leave in a cheery mood while Grandmother smiles after them. “I am so pleased to have Dale home where he belongs. He went through such a trying adolescence after being away at the capital.”

You hum noncommittally, but Grandmother needs no real prompting to continue to reminisce as you make your way through the quieter and cooler halls away from the main ballrooms. She only interrupts herself when you reach a large branching path before your wing. “Miss Adir, could you please go to the kitchens and see if there are any pasties that can be sent up to my granddaughter’s rooms?”

“Yes, my Lady.”

“Thank you, Grandmother.”

“My eyesight might be going, but I can still make observations. You never eat enough at these events, she fusses. “We shall have to have your measurements checked at the final fitting tomorrow.”

“The food at these events are so rich,” you protest. “Surely there hasn’t been such a difference in only a few weeks.”

“And still we shall verify the truth,” Grandmother insists. “Dale as well, though for the opposite eventuality. I informed those tailors of his ill state, reminding them to leave room for him to return to his healthier weight. I shall be interested in seeing if they listened.

“If there is anything else that needs doing, we must ensure that it is done tomorrow or our next free day in two days time. This is our last week in Connton before we return to the Northridge estate for your wedding,” Grandmother reminded you unnecessarily. “Only two more galas here. A pity, these have been so invigorating.”

You can’t help but shake your head silently to yourself, unable to find these events anything but exhausting, even if you enjoy aspects of them. Grandmother is an entirely different sort, seeming to be rejuvenated by so much activity and people.

Even now, she seems far more awake than you are, easily chatting while you feel as though you’ve used up all your words an hour ago.

You roll your shoulders, trying to dissipate the tension in them from so much activity—the danger of hosting a ball and inviting a dance troupe and their sponsors. The fewer candles and torches in this area of the house leave the light sparser and make you feel sleepier, makes the promise of slumber whisper more convincingly in your ears.

Still, you remember exactly what tips you off that something is wrong. 

Habit from these last few weeks has you watching every shadow and steering others away if they move oddly, in case Dale has a lapse in control. You’re only reacting on instinct when you see the candlelight flicker dramatically, the shadows pool unnaturally on Grandmother’s right. You pull Grandmother closer to you and quicken your step abruptly, wanting to get out of the way, not wanting her to notice.

 It’s the clash of metal the next second, the force and crack of something whizzing by both of you and into the opposite wall that makes you jump, heart hammering in your chest. Your mind catches up with your actions because Dale is nowhere in sight. Who is causing these things to happen? Are you under attack?

“Guards!” Grandmother calls out. Her voice rings through the space with all the command of a general on a battlefield and causes one of the people who are in fact attacking you to curse. 

There isn’t any way for you to tell if someone heard your call for help even as she repeats it. Without thinking about what to do next, you hitch up your skirts with your free hand and start to run down the hall with her in tow. More figures come after you from behind and out of the corners of your eyes. 

A wordless cry has you stumbling to the side as a person overshoots past you and through a doorway. Multiple people, at least three, dressed in dark clothing have come as suddenly as if they had materialized from nothing—all heading after you.

You dodge another projectile and turn the corner, flattening against the far wall. Frantically you try to remember where exactly you are in this stranger’s house and you realize you missed the turn back towards the more inhabited portion of the building in your haste. 

You don’t know what to do, paralyzed with fear and indecision, until the wall at your back falls away causing you to take a surprised step backwards. “Hurry,” Grandmother says, having realized you were backed against a door and gotten it open while your mind had still been trying to understand what was happening.

You turn and both go through, slamming the door behind you as you try to gain your bearings. You can barely take stock of the study you find yourself in before continuing forward as fast as you are able to. Your shoes are thin and pretty and so you feel the stone floor in this room harshly as you race across it. Your palm is sweaty from where it’s clutching Grandmother’s as you steer you both, her having lost her cane at some point and relying on you for that speed of movement you’re desperately trying to gain.

Adrenaline courses through your veins, every instinct attempting to help you to survive, for all the good it's doing. Your mind races wildly, thoughts of escape and who these people could be flickering through. Why are they attacking you? What do they want? Where can you go to get away?

Then all you can think of besides ‘get away’ is the ache in your arm, the burning in your lungs, the soreness in your feet.

Unfortunately, there was no way to lock the door you came through and so soon it’s quickly kicked back open. The sound of it hitting the wall makes you run faster, trying to get through this suite of rooms to the courtyard entrance you spot on the other side, where you can feel the cooling breeze beckoning you to escape—or get somewhere someone would be able to hear you.

Two arrows fly by your head and another causes Grandmother to yelp and falter, nearly tripping as she suddenly leans much heavier on you. You can’t check to see if the arrow grazed her, too focused on trying to get to the other door, when the shadows darken in those billowing curtains. At the last second you turn to the right, propelling Grandmother that way too. As you do so, you see the thinner of these, these assassins appear, daggers drawn and ready to impale you exactly where you’d been running too.

Not that you’re convinced you’ve managed to end up in a better position. You steered the two of you to the other side of the room, hopping for another door out, but the one you pull open in the end is only a closet. You whirl around to see four figures in black, fanned out and blocking any possible escape route. Panting, you brace Grandmother, who you haven’t looked to but sounds to be in worse shape given her age and possible injury. Her heavy breathing has a wheeze to it you don’t like. So does the fact that she’s not speaking up any more.

“Well now ladies,” the tallest man speaks, his voice low and condescending. He’s smug too, like the cat that got the mouse, as he steps forward twirling a dagger. “You don’t seem to have our prize stallion with you as we expected, but I’m certain his filly and granny will make perfect bait.”

[Part Twenty-Two]

[likeshipsonthesea]

post script poetry

okay i’m going to preface this with a lot of rambling so buckle up my dudes

i started this i don’t know how long ago when i saw a post about how fun it would be if dex ended up being the one to wax poetic about nursey and i saw it and thought the only way that would happen would be by accident, like if he was complaining and started getting mushy

so i wrote this. like, half of this. and then tonight i found it and i liked it and finished it. so here you go. and yes, i did this instead of fulfilling the hozier prompts. sorry not sorry?

Hey Lardo,

I attached my schedule for the week of the 15th. Depending on how long you need me, I can also work this week. I know the sculpture doesn’t have to be done until the end of the month, but I also know how you get close to a deadline. Let me know if any of the free times work for you-- if not, we’ll figure something out.

Dex

P.S. I was going to text this, but since I’m typing I might as well tell you that there’s a horrifying new regular at the café. Every time he comes in he orders something so convoluted and complicated that he has to be fucking with me, and the drinks are so damn sweet he must need to see a dentist every weekend. He walks in with this stupid fucking smirk on his face too, like he derives joy from ruining a perfectly nice--okay well not nice but I’m perfectly civil to customers at least-- barista’s day.

He’s come in consistently for three weeks now. Pray for me.

P.P.S. Did I mention that he’s taken to sitting at a table with nothing but his stupid sweet drinks and a journal for hours on end? Sometimes he’ll buy a muffin and try to talk to me, like I’m not fucking working. Asshole.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

5 on Wednesday works for me. Should I bring anything aside from the regular tools?

Dex

P.S. It doesn’t matter if he’s attractive but since you asked, yes, but only in the way that statues are attractive. They’re carved and perfected and gorgeous, yeah, but when you look at them you’re admiring it, idolizing it-- your own inferiority is entangled in the attraction.

P.P.S. And no, I’m not telling you his name.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

Sorry to hear about the issues with the sculpture. The earliest I can come for emergency repairs would be tomorrow after work. Hope it holds together until then.

Sorry,

Dex

P.S. This seems to be a theme in our emails, but I’m mentioning this only because it literally just happened. The horrible regular was just here in a sweater and jeans. A sweater and jeans. It’s fucking snowing. Below freezing, high teens, stupid kind of cold, and the guy left his jacket home for what? To show the world how pretty he looks in that sweater? The asshole probably looked in the mirror and thought that people noticing how the green in the sweater enhanced the fucking tree top, sea-glass shiny green of his own eyes was more important than not getting frost bite. And he looked so fucking proud of himself too, smiling all big and wide and stupid like his lips weren’t chattering! And then he stayed in the shop forever, obviously, because he can’t go out in the cold wearing nothing and he just sat there and wrote in his stupid journal and looked over at me with his fucking budding-leaves-at-the-beginning-of-spring eyes like he knew how infuriating he was. That kind of stupidity just pisses me off.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

Was going through my messages and saw the last thread. How are the repairs holding up?

Dex

P.S. Shut up.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Glad the emergency repairs are holding. The piece looks great so far, I can’t wait to see the finished product at the end of term.

Dex

P.S. I’m not going to fuck an asshole just because he’s pretty.

P.P.S. Don’t bring up the LAX bro.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

My phone crapped out in the middle of a shift so I’ll be communicating via email for the next few days. I’ve got a bunch of leftover muffins from work. Want me to drop by the studio on the way home?

Dex

*~*~*

Lardo,

I’ll grab all the banana nut and any double chocolates that look good. See you soon.

Dex

P.S. Just because we’re on email doesn’t mean you have to ask about my horrible regular. But yes, to answer your question, he is still a regular and maybe a little less horrible, thank God.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Okay, I’ll get some blueberry ones for Shitty too.

Dex

P.S. Well, he’s less horrible because his orders-- while still stupidly complicated and overly fucking sweet-- have narrowed down to one of two options, so I know what they are now. When he lists off all of the stupid steps, I can just ignore him and stare at nothing, or how he gestures with his hands when he speaks and barely avoids knocking over the tip jar. I guess it’s nice that he talks with his hands, though, because sometimes when he’s sitting at a table and writing his hands start shaking and I much prefer the gesturing to that.

Also he seems to have decided to wear a coat for the foreseeable future, and even if it’s this deep green pea coat that probably cost more than what I make in a month, it looks good on him-- aesthetics and functionality, at least he’s compromising. It’s like cut or whatever, so you can still see the line of his waist, tight to his chest and everything. And he has a matching beanie that doesn’t seem that warm, but he tugs it down just over the tips of his ears and a few of his curls above his forehead poke out of it, all soft looking and stuff. He still needs gloves though.

But, I guess, overall he’s less horrible.

*~*~*

Lardo,

The sculpture looks great! And with the deadline still a week away you have a bunch of time to do all your last little nit-picky things.

Dex

P.S. Okay reading over that last post-script I do sound a little mushy, but in my defense I was coming off a double shift and I’d had a big deadline for CS the night before and I definitely wasn’t all there. This cannot be held against me.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Just because you put it in the P.S. doesn’t make it okay. I am not In Love with anyone, especially not the guy who writes poetry on the twenties he leaves in the tip jar.

Dex

*~*~*

Lardo,

Why does that matter?

Dex

*~*~*

FINE some of it was other people’s stuff-- I googled it and some were Emily Dickinson I think? Some of the lines didn’t return anything, so I guess they were original? Anyway it doesn’t matter-- he’s defacing money.

Dex

*~*~*

Your idea of romantic is weird.

*~*~*

Hey Lardo,

I can’t get my phone fixed until Sunday, but I wanted to double check that your show is on Saturday at 7:00PM?

Thanks,

Dex

*~*~*

Lardo,

Thanks for clarifying.

Dex

P.S. Actually yeah, I guess there was an update, or whatever.

So he came in with a book last night, late. Not a lot of people come by the cafe at night, obviously, so it was just me and him, and he was there for a while but then we were closing. I went over to tell him we were closing in a few minutes and he asked if I’d sit with him for a few minutes and, well, he’s a nice tipper, so whatever. I did.

And then-- I shit you not-- he started reading me poetry. Actually. Just started reading poetry to me out of nowhere. He’d gesture with his notebook as he did it, his eyes were all lit up like treetops at sunrise or something and his voice just filled up the whole shop, like it was bouncing off the walls and going through me and shit, like he was trying to make me listen in my soul or something. And, like, I’m shit at poetry and I didn’t really get what it was supposed to be, but you know when you hear a song and even without really hearing the lyrics it makes you feel some kind of way? That’s what it did.

Then he stopped reading and asked me what I thought and I couldn’t just say that it made me feel things so I said that the guy in the poem sounded kind of obsessed, and then the guy-- the regular-- laughed, like a full bodied laugh, his eyes crinkled and his shoulders shook and he tucked the notebook against his chest, against his heart, and laughed in public, in front of a stranger, like it wasn’t weird. And you know when something good happens? Something unexpectedly good? Your favorite song comes on the radio or you find a random twenty in your pocket or you catch the sunset on your walk home and its pretty and warm and just makes you smile and think, huh, I’m glad I get to be here for that.

That’s what his laugh felt like. I know it’s fucking sappy but it’s the only way I can come up with to describe it.

Anyway. See you Saturday.

*~*~*

Lardo,

Yeah.

I’m fucked.

Dex

*~*~*

Hey, fuck, I’m so sorry about last night. My phone is still fucked up otherwise I’d call you but your friend-- the one in your painting, Nursey-- he’s my horrible regular.

Small campus, huh?

He was a little drunk-- he kept drinking the champagne for some reason, I think it was to stop his hands shaking, I don’t know-- but I didn’t want to just send him off alone so I helped him back to his dorm and as I was taking off his shoes he kept reciting poetry or whatever and he was drunk, yeah, but he said it so nicely and he kept looking at me with his ridiculous eyes and then he touched my cheek-- like actually fucking caressed my cheek-- and I kissed him.

And I know he was drunk, I tasted the champagne when I kissed him, and I felt horrible and I ran out of his dorm and-- then I fell asleep and woke up and wrote this email.

So, I probably fucked up beyond repair and if you need me I will be kicking myself for the next fifty years. Thanks, goodbye.

Dex

P.S. I forgot to say-- the show looked great. The sculpture, the art, everything. You’re amazing, dude.

*~*~*

Thanks for his number, but I can’t just call the guy out of the blue and say, “Hey, sorry for kissing you when you were all drunk, won’t happen again, please keep tipping me?”

Also, I still don’t have a working phone.

*~*~*

That’ss the problem with falling in love with a stranger, youknow? Like, I never mett the guy really, I just made his stupid sweet coffee drinks and listened to his poetry that one time and stared too much when he talked with his hands and at his stupid eyebrows-- how do eyebrows look soft?? It makes no sense

And he’s beautiful, you know, like can’t stare too long or you’ll go blind, and I felt like he was a good person youknow, an asshole but good, the kind you want. And I could feel it he would probably argue with me over everything but I think I could likee that, like arguing, at least with him, because I know it wouldn’t be out of anger or whatever, he would be coming from a place of understanding or shared values or whatever

and i fucking KNOW that I can’t know all this frm looking at him, but he had his stupidd fucking g journal that he scrippled in all the time and his hadsn were covered in ink with notes to himself and I want to be the person who egts to listen to his poetry at 2 in the morning and watch him ramble about things he loves and tell him how fucking good his writing is because it IS lardo it’s so good, he’s so good, i never spent any of those twenties witb his writing on it i hung them in my dorm isnt’ that fucking stupid god i love him, i love him and I don’t even know him

Love scuks.

P..S yeah, if you couldnt tell, i’m a little drunk. oops

*~*~*

Dear Lardo,

It’s very rude to forward drunken, rambling emails about someone to that someone without the consent of the drunken rambler.

Dex

P.S. Thank you.

[lynnsfics]

In The Spotlight

Chapter Four

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: Approx. 1.1k

First Chapter

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~~~

Your mind couldn’t completely comprehend his words. So instead of forming an intelligent response, you once again spluttered out a weak “Dad?” Then, a question formed in your mind. “How did you know I was here? Did Mom call you?”

“What? No, you know I haven’t heard from your mother in ages. The truth is, I didn’t know you were here. I was just heading into work.” 

“You work here?” The query slipped past your lips before you had time to stop it, but instead of looking offended he let out a chuckle.

“Why am I not surprised that your mother didn’t tell you? I own the theatre company. After the divorce I started working here, and eventually worked my way up until I could buy it. That was how your mother won custody, since a starter job at a theatre didn’t seem to be able to provide for a child.” 

A shadow passed over his face before he shook his head. “Now it’s my turn to ask, what are you doing here?” 

You glanced down, feeling nervous about your response. If you told him you were auditioning, he might be able to help you land a position. But what if he thought you were trying to take advantage of his job? Deciding to answer with a half truth you replied,“Well, I came here for the Romeo and Juliet extra workshop.”

He gave you a meaningful look.“I meant, what are you doing in the city.”

“Mom kicked me out last night for not having a real job, so here I am.” A forced laugh bubbled out of your mouth, but you began to realize the full desperation of your situation. 

He looked concerned, before giving you a comforting smile, “Well, you’re my daughter, so I know you’ll do well. I can show around if you’d like. Give you a quick tour of the building.” 

“That’d be great,” you beamed. “Thank you so much.” 

“It’s the least I can do,” he replied, leading you toward the gleaming glass doors. As you entered the building a gasp left your mouth. It was absolutely gorgeous. 

A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling of the foyer, glinting warm light off the shining marble floor. A grand staircase led to what you presumed to be the auditorium. “This is all yours?” 

He nodded as he led you towards the room where auditions were being held. “It took me quite some time to amass the funds to buy it, but thanks to a few, uh, contacts, I was able to acquire it.” He beamed at you, obviously proud of himself. You were proud of him too, but to be quite honest, you were also upset. 

After all those you spent, barely making ends meet, he was living in the lap of luxury. Just thinking about all the times you struggled to even open the door to your clunker of a car made you dizzy. All those times you had to stall buying things or skip going out to save money could have been avoided if he had done something. 

Apparently you didn’t mask your thoughts as well as you had hoped. “You probably think I’m a terrible dad, huh? Sweetie, I promise you, if there was anything I could have done I would have. But your mom refused to accept any money, she was too proud. Insisted that she could make enough money from her ‘real’ job.” 

You felt your chest tightening. It didn’t add up. How many things had she kept from you? But you had to push those thoughts aside. No, now wasn’t the time to worry about it. But once you aced this workshop you would call her and give her a piece of your mind.

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” he continued, “but maybe we can talk after your audition ends. We can work out an arrangement.” He turned to leave, but turned back at the last second. “I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you with the director,” he winked.

You laughed, but replied, “I think I can make it on my own.” With a smile, you turned your attention to the stage, where a few people were milling around. 

It took a moment, but you took a deep breath and walked up the steps. Heading towards what seemed to be the woman in charge, you smiled. “Hi, I’m here for the Romeo and Juliet workshop?”

She nodded, “Do you have your identification?” You handed her your driver’s license and she smiled. “Perfect, I’ll put you in the system. We have some time before it starts, so you can go meet the others who are auditioning.” 

“Thank you,” you answered, feeling the knot in your chest loosen. It was going well so far. Squaring your shoulders, you went over to a small group of actors. They were excitedly chatting so you hoped to slip into their conversation. 

“So then Hamlet slipped and dropped the skull!” Everyone began laughing and you realized you must have come in at the end of a story. One of the girls turned to you and smiled. 

“Hey there, new girl.” You blushed, trying to think of a response. “No worries,” she laughed. “Everyone’s welcome to join our little circle. So you’re auditioning?”

“I am,” you smiled, thankful for her warm welcome.

“We are too, although we’ve heard the competition will be cut throat this year. Ever since they spent big bucks on a new up and coming actor to play Romeo the auditions have been getting more difficult.”

“A new actor?”

“No one knows who he is yet. But rumor has it he’s going to be here today, so we may have a chance to meet him. I’m Andrea by the way.”

You introduced yourself, which Andrea responded to with a firm handshake. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said with a smile. “That’s Sam,” she nodded to the boy to your left. “That’s Kat,” Andrea pointed to the girl on her right. “Oh and here comes the star of the hour,” she chuckled as another girl came over and joined the circle. “This is my girlfriend, April.” 

As Andrea caught April up to speed, Sam nodded to you. “Don’t look now, but I think the new actor is here.” 

“Where?” You looked around but couldn’t quite place who he was talking about. 

“I just said not to look,” laughed Sam. “But he’s over by the door, talking to the owner.”

You turned your head, and your breath caught in your throat. There he was, Loki, the cute jackass from the gas station. Things were about to get really interesting.

~~~

Taglist: 

@speakinglikeconstellations

@chxrryycola

I am so sorry this chapter is like a week late! Things have been very hectic here. However, I should be back to my regular posting schedule soon (every other Sunday)! As always, likes and reblogs are appreciated! Love you all! <3

[dobrikswriting]

Used

Request: Could you do a David x reader (female) where she is using him for his money and leaves when she gets what she wants

I feel like I’m not good at not happy endings but I hope you like it!

I plopped down the heavy box that had just been dropped off at my door, quickly reaching for something to open the package with. It was becoming a regular occurrence that I would get packages to my door without even remembering what I ordered since something new was coming in everyday. I swiped my key along the packaging tape to open the box to reveal numerous tops and dresses I had ordered. Sifting through them all the jog my memory of what I ordered I couldn't help but smile. I had the best life ever.

"Thank you daddy Dobrik." I said quietly to myself, picking up the box to bring it into my room. Dating David was the best thing that had happened to me. Sure he was a nice guy and fun to be around but nothing beat the fact that he could afford anything I wanted. I tossed the box next to the others just like it in my closet as I laid in my bed and pulled my phone out. A couple missed texts from David asking me to come over to help him edit a video, I rolled my eyes knowing it would be more of him wanting to cuddle than actually edit. I looked around at my room taking note of all the amazing things that he had gotten me to remind myself why it was worth it to stay with him and off i went to play the part of loving girlfriend.

--

When I arrived I walked right in to the home, seeing David and some of his friends on the couch. His face lit up when he saw me walk in, it almost made me feel bad for not actually caring about him at all. Almost.

"Hey baby" He said walking over to me to give me a kiss. I gave him a peck before walking over to the couch and sitting besides Erin and Carly who were in their own conversation discussing the new vlog they had just put out.

"You know we've never had you over for a video before." Erin said looking at you. "You've been dating David for a while I'm sure everyone would love to see you in one." She said excitedly.

"Yeah, we should do a gossip video that would be fun" Carly joined in. I nodded along, playing the part of Davids girlfriend meant having to pretend to care about what his friends wanted to do too. I could only imagine what those blogs were saying about me. Or what they would if they ever found out the truth.

 "Yeah absolutely." I said faking excitement. "I'll come over tomorrow and we can film it for your Sunday video if you want!" I added. We made plans for me to come over tomorrow and after a while they both left having to go meet Jason for some sort of Starbucks bit.

Leaving just me and David while he still was editing his video. "You know you haven't asked for many opinions on that yet is that the whole reason I'm here." I said scooting closer to him. 

David looked at me and smiled, I couldn't deny that this man was handsome, something about that half grin where he always seemed to be slightly biting his tongue had me questioning if I actually was in love with him. "No this is why you're here" He said sliding his laptop off his lap and pulling me in for a kiss. 

"Alright alright come on you know you gotta keep up with that posting schedule." I said sliding out of his arms to go to the fridge and get something to drink.

"I had an idea." David said turning around on the couch and looking at me. I raised my eyebrow at him questioningly. 

"I thought maybe you could come back with me to Chicago... to meet my family." He said. I choked on the drink of water that was halfway down my throat. 

"What?" I said between coughs.

David got up and walked over to me. "Jesus Christ y/n I didn't ask you to marry me chill out." He said as he rubbed my back. "I just thought we've been dating for a couple months now and I wanna introduce you to my family."

"Don't you think that's too soon like... we haven't been dating for that long." I said taking another drink of water trying to come up with any excuse to not have to meet his family. Its one thing to use a man for his money but to do it and then get his family involved is another thing.

"Come on, its not that big of a step and we've been dating long enough for you to use my card to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe and pay your rent. I think we're at the meeting parents level." David said flashing me the puppy dog eyes trying to get me to cave. 

"Gimme one sec." I said quickly, rushing to the bathroom to give myself a second to figure out my next step. I locked the door behind me and slid down the door sitting on the cold floor.

I could go to Chicago and meet his family and become more serious with him than I ever intended to be. Or I could end it. Ending it would mean having to go back to my life of working jobs I hated to make it by. I’m not the worst person in the world and I do enjoy David as a person so it’s not like I’m totally lying. I thought about how hard it would be to stop once I went this step. Where’s the line, do I wait for him to propose? Do I spend my whole life with him just to have financial stability. David was a genuine guy and I had myself set up pretty good from what he had given me already, he probably deserves someone who actually gives a damn. I stood up and looked in the mirror knowing what I had to do, it was a good run but I couldn't let it go too far or it would get messy.

I came back to the living room David already sitting on the couch again. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to freak you out I just.. I feel like I want to show you off to the whole world" David said, I could tell he was worried by the way his voice quivered.

"David." i started and then stopped not quite sure what to say. "David I can't do this anymore, it was fun but I just don't see us taking the next step." I said firmly bending over to pick up my purse, the one he had bought me.

David didn't move he just looked at me with furrowed eye brows. "What do you mean I don't understand." He said the quiver in his voice much more prominent now.

"Please don't make this harder than-"

"Harder than it has to be?!" David interrupted me mid sentence. "What the fuck are you talking about y/n. Harder than you using for my money then bolting the second I start to think we're serious. You texted me last night about paying for a plane ticket but now suddenly you’re over us when I want to move our relationship forward?!" He said his sadness now turning into slight anger.

"I can't believe you would accuse me of using you for your money Dave." I scoffed.

"Really, cause what you're doing is the text book definition of using someone for their money and I am actually so pissed that I fell for it." He said letting out a sarcastic laugh. "I was fucking ready to invite you into my parents home and have dinner with them what a fucking chump huh?" He said staring daggers at my eyes. 

"It's not like that" I said sheepishly, starting to slightly feel bad. I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eyes.

"Its exactly like that." He spat at you. "I fell for every one of your moves. I can’t fucking believe this. You actually got me. You got me to care and to fucking do whatever you wanted.” He said looking at you shocked. I could tell by the way he looked at me that whatever spell I had him under was long gone and was replaced with anger, and maybe even a bit of disgust. “Get out." He said harshly.

I looked at him, rolling my eyes one last time. "Whatever." I said wanting to get the last word in, before turning on my heels. Walking straight out of Davids life and back to my old one. At least this time I would be better dressed.

[backtothestart02]

Mixed Drink - 3/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: I’m suuuuper tempted to change this back to ‘Mixed Drinks’. lol. The metaphor sounds better in my head somehow. But we’ll see if I change it eventually. I feel like I will, but also...lazy. *shrug* Lol.

Enjoy! This was the result of my match-the-line-to-the-fic post I put out a little while ago. The 3rd in the series before I resumed my regular schedule. In addition though, I’m dedicating this to the handful of people that kept me going last night and restored my faith in myself and enthusiasm for this story.

Big thank you to @mspurple23 @valeriemperez (and also for beta’ing like the dear you are!) @flightofthestars96 @allaboutmybucks @instantsaladartisan @summervibes8.

You guys are the best!

...

Synopsis: AU - Two strangers meet in a bar. One spells danger, the other, desperation. 

...

Chapter 3 -

She watched as he dressed himself, biting her bottom lip before the last of his ass disappeared beneath his pants. Despite her best efforts, despite everything screaming inside her that she could not afford one more bad decision, she’d gone and slept with a criminal not once, but twice – and the second time she’d known he had a bit of a record. She restrained a sigh and focused on the present. She’d worry about the implications of this in the future later. After all, she was very good at beating herself up. The only thing that would truly annoy her was the look Teddy would give her the second she walked into the bar later on, which was inevitable at this point.

“Like what you see?” Barry teased, zipping up his pants and facing her after he’d slipped his head and arms back through his shirt.

Iris flushed, feeling a tingle between her folds just from the sound of his voice. Curse him. Low and velvet and the perfect drawl, it was completely her undoing.

“So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?” he asked casually, coming to stand beside her so he could check his appearance in the mirror.

Her eyebrows narrowed, and she remembered exactly why she didn’t take a liking to him when he wasn’t gazing lustfully at her or standing before her naked or kissing her or…

“No.” She stopped her mind from wandering into recent memories.

“No?” he asked, amused. “No, you don’t have plans or no, you won’t tell me what they are?” She opened her mouth to answer, but he interrupted. “Or no, you don’t know what your plans are because your future is a mess and you’d prefer I fuck you through Sunday to make you forget about just how far down you’ve fallen in your life?”

Well…

“Asshole,” she whispered harshly instead, though she certainly wouldn’t mind a few more orgasms to get her mind off her disastrous present; especially the kind he gave her, because damn.

“Just a question,” he said innocently, straightening out his shirt and then glancing at her. She still looked angry. “So, what’s the answer?”

“The answer is none of your business,” she spat.

“I bet I could get it out of you in bed,” he whispered seductively, leaning towards her. She ignored the delicious shivers ripping up her spine.

“You are unbelievable!” She pushed past him and out the door, ignoring his lingering stare on her backside.

Relieved and disappointed that she’d successfully gotten rid of him once she was a block away, Iris realized – regretfully – that she’d left her phone at the coffee shop.

Or maybe he’d stolen it, she thought bitterly. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time.

She stopped, turned around and found herself staring at him just outside the shop, waving her phone in his hand.

Ugh. She hated herself. How could one person possibly be this much of a mess?

Reluctantly, she trudged forward and tried to snatch the phone out of his hand, but he used her impatience to wrap his fingers around her hand, and for a moment she truly thought he was going to dance with her. Here, in the middle of the sidewalk outside one of her favorite coffee shops.

“Let go,” she demanded, trying to yank her hand free – and the phone with it.

“Mmm, not really feeling it, actually.”

She huffed and gave up the fight, grinding her teeth. “Why. Not?”

“Let’s just say…” He took the tiniest of steps closer. “I don’t want to let you out of my sight just yet.”

She raised her eyebrows, appearing amused even though her heart was racing.

“You’re just one bad –” He raised his eyebrows. “Two bad decisions,” she clarified. “Both of which I’m done with. So, if you don’t mind?”

He relented – amazingly – and she nearly fell back as the lack of resistance left her a bit unbalanced. He caught her, of course. And the warmth of his arm around her waist nearly made her lose her breath.

Damn, she wished she hadn’t burned so many bridges. It would be so good to confide in her roommate about this…this guy that set her on fire the way no other man had.

“T-Thank you,” she said, standing evenly on her feet after he’d let go of her.

“I know a way you can thank me,” he said.

“No,” she immediately retorted.

“Calm down,” he placated, despite the return of her narrowed eyebrows. “Maybe I just want to show you around.”

“Aren’t you new to town?”

“Aren’t you so absorbed in all your problems that you haven’t really taken the time to see what Central City has to offer?”

She blinked.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He whistled for a cab, which came to a stop right beside them.

“Wait, Barry, no-”

He opened the door for her.

“Oh, look, you remembered my name.”

With a sigh and a glance and a brief complaint from the cab driver, Iris reluctantly slid into the backseat.

Barry wasn’t even touching her, but she could feel the heat rising off his pant leg and wondered how in the world she was going to survive even an hour without jumping him again.

He caught her gaze at just the right time – when she was licking her lips and eyeing his crotch – and smiled slowly.

“Plenty of time for that,” he said, making her go wide-eyed and turn away.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked, now a good way into the next block.

“Jitters.”

She frowned. “Another coffee shop?”

“You know it?” he asked, intrigued.

“I worked there in high school and college. Paid my tuition with those paychecks.”

“Time well spent, then.”

She thought back on when her boyfriend of three years had dumped her in front of a room full of customers who had gone quiet, and how every job she’d used her major for had ended in her voluntarily leaving or getting fired.

She said nothing.

“It’s not about the coffee shop,” he whispered, leaning close. “It’s about what’s above it.”

“Offices?” she guessed half-heartedly.

“The roof.”

A vision of the two of them standing wrapped in each other’s arms, gazing out at the view of the city flashed before her eyes. She felt butterflies exploding inside her, not to mention her panties dampening again.

“Oh,” she said – and made a point of looking out the opposite window until they got there.

She could feel him smiling from his side of the car, but no amount of money in the world would get her to indulge his twisted humor.

“Are you staying with Theodore again tonight?” he asked innocently when they were a block away from Jitters.

Her mouth fell open. Was he jealous?

“I- N- Maybe.” She abandoned truth for lie. He deserved to feel conflicted after all he’d done to her.

The cab came to a stop, and Barry paid the driver before getting out and rounding the vehicle to help her out of the car. She thought of snatching her hand away and declaring her independence but decided that if he wanted to be gentlemanly, then why the hell should she deny him?

“You won’t want to by the time I’m done with you,” he said, as he guided her into Jitters.

She looked amused. “Because of all the sex?”

He smirked. “Because of the view.”

She didn’t understand what he meant by that, but one thing she was certain of: in all her years working at Jitters, she sincerely regretted never coming up to the roof.

It was absolutely breathtaking.

…

Iris leaned her elbows back against the stone wall, staring out at the city once more before meeting Barry’s mysterious gaze.

“So, what’s the occasion?” she asked.

He had the nerve to look confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well.” She pushed herself off the wall and started coming towards him. “Sex twice-”

“Consensual sex,” he corrected.

“Consensual,” she allowed before continuing. “Tracking me down for breakfast-”

“Inviting you to breakfast.”

“A free breakfast.”

He smirked. “A free one.”

“And now a ride across town to see one of the best views in the city. What’s your game, ex-con Barry?”

His eyes narrowed in a sudden, unexpected spurt of anger before it dissolved.

“No game. Just wanted to show a pretty girl a good time.” He smirked again.

“Oh, yeah, just that,” she said, amused. “Except this pretty girl is broke, homeless, unemployed, and an alcoholic.”

“We all have our baggage.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “What’s yours?”

“Ah-ah-ah, you don’t know me well enough to get that information.”

She’d stopped, so came to meet her halfway.

“You mean, there’s something other than stealing in your checkered past.”

He said nothing, but cupped her face with one hand, then leaned down and kissed her. It didn’t escalate. It was sweet. And Iris hummed contently when it was over before opening her eyes into his.

“You’re beautiful, Iris West,” he whispered softly.

She sighed aloud despite herself. God, how she wished this was real. She had nothing going for her, but to have a charming stranger giving her his undivided attention in the best way would be a great thing to hold onto.

Still, reality was hammering away in the back of the mind, reminding her of everything she’d lost and that she’d probably lose this too if she fought too hard to hang onto it.

“When are you leaving town?”

He raised his eyebrows. “What makes you think I’m leaving?”

Her heart leapt into her throat, but she forcefully shoved it back down.

“Just a feeling.”

He stared at her for a while before answering.

“At the end of the week.”

She took a step back and returned to the wall, trying to get her bearings.

“I’m an idiot,” she muttered under her breath.

“I’ll be back next month, though,” he said, coming up behind her. She refused to look at him as he lowered his lips to her ear and kissed the top of the shell. “And the month after that. And the month after that. And the month after that…”

“On business?” she asked, weakening from his touch.

“Something like that.”

She turned around and found herself immediately in his embrace, his hands lightly gripping her waist.

“You like me, Barry?”

“Oh, yeah.” He smirked. “From the moment I saw you.”

She hesitated. “What is it…that you do exactly? What are you in town for?”

“Mm…can’t tell you that. It’s classified.”

She frowned.

“I can tell you it’s legal, though.”

She was doubtful, but the small fire lighting in her said maybe he was telling the truth.

“Can I trust you?”

“Absolutely.”

She sighed. “Can you tell me anything about yourself?”

“Hmmm,” he contemplated, drumming some of his fingers on her back. Then his eyes lit up. “I know.”

“What?” she searched his eyes, hating the thrill that was pumping through her.

“I’ve got a hotel room at the tallest building in the city.”

She rolled her eyes. Thinking about sex again, I see.

“The Charlton,” she acknowledged.

“Mhmm.” He began smoothing his hands over her lower back.

“What about it?” she asked, ignoring the excitement speeding down her spine and the implications of this entire conversation.

“It’s got an even better view than this one.”

“Of what? A bed?”

He chuckled, sounding sexier than ever.

“Sassy. But no. Of the city.” He could see the suspicion on her face refusing to remove itself. “It’s truly spectacular…” he teased, leaning forward.

“What’s your last name?” she asked, just before his lips brushed hers.

“Allen,” he said, surprising her by actually answering with something believable. “Bartholomew Henry Allen.”

“Bar what?”

But he kissed her, silencing the predictable question.

“If you come with me now, I’ll even let you google me.”

She was dumbfounded as he started to pull her towards the stairs in the center of the roof.

“Where are we going?”

“Shopping,” he said, sounding so chipper. Under other circumstances, Iris would have fought to suppress a giggle.

“Shopping? What do you need?”

“Not me. You. You’re going to need a fancy gown for the gala we’re going to tonight.”

She came to a sudden stop. “The what?”

He turned around. “It’s for my job. The reason I’m in town this week.”

She blinked.

“Come on,” he tugged her hand, and reluctantly she started walking again. “I don’t know a single female who doesn’t like getting a new dress for free.”

For free?

A smile tugged at her lips, because, well… Why the hell not?

...

*Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

[lgcezra]

dated october 1st.

ezra is brought to the head manager’s office early in the morning, separated from the group before their dance practice. once inside, he can immediately see kim hyuncheol standing behind his desk with a very stern expression. “you may close the door behind you and sit down.” he says in surprisingly fluent english. he gestures towards a chair on the other side of the desk facing his own. “i gave my speech in korean last time, so let me speak to you in english to make sure you understand every single word i’m about to say.”

“i don’t know how you do things where you’re from and quite honestly, it doesn’t concern me. you signed a contract with a korean company, so you must follow our rules. you’ve barely spent three months here and yet show blatant disregard for both our trainees and staff members. there have been several reports of you being hungover on company grounds and picking a fight with cha nayeon in the middle of practice, which many found very distasteful. now, since we don’t have actual proof of you being hungover and since the fight with nayeon-ssi seems to be a one time thing, i’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. you better believe, however, that from now on and until our suspicions are cleared, we will watch you very, very closely.” does he understand the trouble he’s in yet? hyuncheol doubts it. mistakes are possible but with ezra they just seem to be piling up.

“which brings me to the main event. i’m absolutely ashamed by the way you behaved during your pre-concert interview. i couldn’t believe my ears when i reviewed it with other managers. honestly, at this point, i wonder if you even want to be here. you could be the most talented of your batch and i couldn’t care any less if your personality doesn’t drastically improve. you treated our precious staff member with disrespect during your interview, not to mention our managers by suggesting they treat you with bias. this, young man, is a behavior we do not tolerate in this company. we wouldn’t have tolerated it from bae siwoo himself, so what have you accomplished so far in your life that makes you think you have the right to speak in that tone and treat this great opportunity as a joke? you’ve been here since july, ezra. if you think you’ve been treated unfairly by a staff member, you come to me. but i’d suggest you take a look at yourself before doing that, because you haven’t been very pleasant since your arrival. they’re not here to cater to your every whim.”

he takes a pause, gathering his thoughts and letting ezra take all of the information in. he might be harsh, but the more they let it pass and the more he feels entitled to act that way thinking there won’t be any repercussions.

“prove us that we didn’t make a mistake choosing you. it’s clear that we’ve seen something in you. but so far you’re not letting it show. if you’re going through hardships you need to let us know instead of acting up like this.” there’s no doubt a lot of anger and frustration in this young man, but if he keeps it to himself there’s just so much any of them can do about it.

“now on to your punishment, because i don’t have all day.” he hands ezra a calendar for the month of october. “that is your new schedule for this month. as you can see, you will not be joining regular practice with the other trainees. i believe you aren’t worthy of that privilege at the moment. because yes, it is a privilege whethere you treat your presence here as one or not. i’m not encouraging you to leave, ezra. in fact, i’d love for you to stay and grow. more precisely, grow up, as you mentioned you failed to do in your interview.” maybe ezra won’t believe him right now. maybe he will think they’re out to get him, that they want to kick him out. while they could have, hyuncheol doesn’t want to. he firmly believes in second chances, but it can only happen if ezra plays by the rules. “you will be on service duty instead of training. i hear you’ve been neglecting your mandatory chores, it’s a great opportunity for you to learn a lesson. it’s only natural that we clean up after ourselves. even idols still do it when they use practice rooms. it’s called having respect for your work environment and the maintenance staff who are not here to be your personal servants. you’re of course banned from appearing on the instagram account. we don’t reward bad behavior here at legacy.”

he explains the schedule in more details ( can be found in the ooc note below ), indicating in passage that ezra might receive phone calls or visits at random times during the day to ensure he is exactly where he is supposed to be . he is not to miss any day of duty or take part in any trainee activity or opportunity taking place during the month. “if you build our trust in you again, and take this punishment seriously, we will reassess your situation during the last week of october. this isn’t permanent, ezra, and we wouldn’t be doing this if we didn’t feel it’s necessary.”

once the discussion is over he goes to the door, opening it for ezra. “your future is up to you. if you truly want to be a part of this team, you know what you have to do. now go on, you have a lot to do.”

        of course, he’s in trouble.

        why wouldn’t he be, considering all the things he’s done?  things that hyuncheol has delightfully listed out to him, as if ezra’s been blissfully ignorant of his wrongdoings.

        no, he knows he’s done wrong.  he knows there were better ways to approach each and every situation, but what’s the point in trying if no one expects that out of him?

        he scoffs when hyuncheol brings up the interview.  purses his lips.  folds his arms across his chest as he stares blankly at the head manager.

        of course, hyuncheol is ashamed of his behavior.  how’s that any different from the shame his parents felt raising him to be prim and proper, a son they could be proud of, only to be repaid with a shredded degree, holes in walls, and an empty bed for weeks at a time?  

        truth is, there’s not much of a difference.

        he’s been called to the dinner table, to his father’s office, to his mother’s desk.  each time, they would ask him to close the door.  sit down.  and like hyuncheol, they would proceed to list everything he’s done wrong.  and every time he’d shift to the edge of his seat, his shoulders bent forward, lips parting to make his case—he’d be silenced.  forced to bite his tongue, forced to retreat back into the chair.  hyuncheol should thank his parents for disciplining him, for keeping him seated, small, submissive.

        ‘what have you accomplished so far in your life that makes you think you have the right to speak in that tone?’

        nothing.

        it doesn’t come from a place of arrogance, though he wishes it does.  no, it comes from accomplishing nothing.  he doesn’t have what his sisters have.  he doesn’t have their charisma, their perseverance, their familial connection.  they’re brilliant, successful, good.  and the stronger the light beams on them, raising them to that pedestal they deserve to be on, the farther into the shadow he seeps.

        his parents were thrilled to have a son—someone to carry on the family name—but he’s sure now that they’re thinking it’s better if the line ends with them.

        that doesn’t bother him.

        it’s old news.

        they don’t see anything in him anymore, and they’ve made that perfectly clear by keeping radio silent for the past few months.

        and now, here’s hyuncheol saying that they see something in him.  these are words that he has always wanted to hear—but they don’t sit right.  not in this tone, not in this context.

        the burden of proof is on him.  usually, it is.  and usually, he fucks it up.  sometimes they’re simple human mistakes, but these simple human mistakes end up weighing more ‘cause people have the tendency to look for the bad.  it’s what they’re used to seeing in him.  it’s comfortable, easier to process.

        so if they see him this way regardless, again, what’s the point?

        he peers down at the calendar presented before him.  chores.  punishment.  as if any of this is going to change the perception people have of him.

        “public humiliation seems to run in the company,”  he comments, remembering his first interaction with yang joshua.  "good thing i don’t have much shame.“

        he folds up the piece of paper, tucks it into his pocket, and rises to his feet.  as he approaches the door, his gaze levels with hyuncheol’s own.

        ”see you on friday,“  he says, this time in korean.

===

OOC NOTE:

ezra has been put on probation for the month of october. the reasons are stated in the prompt but if you have any question regarding any part of this prompt, feel free to message us. this of course does not reflect our feelings towards ezra ooc, but there are ic rules that all trainees must follow if they wish to stay in the company for the long run. he will not take part in any training with a coach during the month of october, but he may use empty practice rooms after his work shifts (and is strongly encouraged to do so so he won’t fall behind his peers).

he can’t participate in any activity taking place in october for the time being, which includes the monthly sns post for october. he will be met by kim hyuncheol again in the last week of october to assess how his month has been and of course, if ezra wishes, reinstate him into training with the others. once he joins training again, while he might be observed a little more closely for a while, please know that he will not be held back from participating in activities again and will not be treated any differently than his peers.

below is his schedule for october

monday: serve food at the cafeteria (8am to 5pm)

tuesday: clean bathrooms and locker rooms (8am to 5pm)

wednesday: run errands for managers (8am to 5pm)

thursday: clean floors and practice room mirrors (3pm to 12am)

friday: study korean in hyuncheol’s office with random testing (8am to 5pm)

saturday: sit and do nothing in dorm under manager supervision (8am to 5pm)

sunday: sit and do nothing in hyuncheol’s office under his supervision (8am to 12pm)

if you wish, you can also write one solo of 300 words minimum about any part of his schedule written above to gain +5 korean and a greater chance of being back on kim hyuncheol’s good side at the end of the month. of course, he will still need to be on his best behavior at all times. make sure to submit the link to your solo to lgcmanager before adding your points. while not writing anything won’t impact him negatively, it won’t impact him positively either.  again, if you have any question or worry, please message us. we can help you figure out which activity he can take part in if you’re unsure!

[veryimportantsparkles]

Alright I’ve kept meaning to do sort of an infodump on my projects because I’ve been really slipping lately.  I dunno how obvious it is?  Probably kind of obvious.  I’ve also been really bad about checking messages and responding to people.  So I figure I can write up a status report and then point to it when I’ve been inadequate about communication.

My IRL job has been wiping me out.  I’ve been getting short, labor-intensive shifts in the evenings, and then random surprise morning shifts shortly after, which has been really hard to manage my time around.  My sleep schedule has been extremely broken and it’s affected my productivity a LOT.  Leadership in my department is about to shuffle around and I’ve been interviewed for the manager position.  If I get it I’ll be working an entirely different schedule, which could potentially be good for my sleepy brain but will definitely leave me with less art time overall.  I’ve also been enduring some back/shoulder issues over the past few months.  Nothing urgent, but it’s limiting how much I can draw each day.  I think replacing my desk chair is going to be a big factor but it’s not the only factor.  I just need to be a smart human and take care of my joints and not hunch over so much.  Working on it.

Here’s the current status of my various art projects:

Laserwing

I ended chapter 5 in June and said I would finish up some other side projects before I start concept work for chapter 6.  One of the projects I needed to finish was the Popkas Yugioh season 4 special, which I finished.  The other big one was my Neonmob card set, which is most of what I’ve been posting lately.  Once that’s out of the way (see below) I need to do concept art.  Chapter 6 will put all the Laserwing characters in new outfits which will need reference sheets.  I’ll need background sketches and layout diagrams so I don’t have furniture shuffle randomly around between scenes.  I also need to sketch out the chapter 6 draft page by page.  I’ve made Laserwing in GIMP up until this point and am going to try switching to Krita for chapter 6.  I might need to do a test page to make sure my process transfers over well into a slightly different system.  Once I’m ready to make real pages, those take a while.  Chapter 5 pages were going up maybe every 2-3 weeks.  I don’t know how many pages are going to be in chapter 6, nor can I say for sure how many chapters are in Laserwing.  An old outline had maybe 40 chapters.  It’s a story with a defined end point, I can say that for certain, but it’s intended to be long.

Popkas

I’ve had issues with Popkas for a while.  I keep picking new themes for dailies, thinking they’re going to be quick and easy, but then end up making them hard for myself.  It’s been to my benefit, I’ve forced myself into learning new art programs and techniques through Popkas.  But it’s hard to keep up the daily schedule.  Currently I’m doing the Paper Mario: TTYD bestiary, which has 124 enemies.  At a rate of one per day, by the time I’ve finished them, Pokemon Sword and Shield should be released and we’ll have all the info about the new Pokemon.  Those will be drawn in ‘Popka classic’ style (scribbly shitposts).  After those are finished, unless my IRL work situation dramatically changes, I’m considering putting Popkas on pause.  In order to do any other monster dexes I’d have to do a lot more research (for example, people have suggested Yokai Watch but I’ve never played one) in order to have anything meaningful to post.  Same deal with Popka Specials (the anime writeup things), those take prep time and anime-watching time that I might not have.  I don’t ever want to end Popkas, but a hiatus might be necessary.

Angelfire Hime

Did anyone even know about Angelfire Hime?  Well I want to post more but that involves finding, scanning, retouching, and transcribing my old high school scribble comics.  It takes as long as any other project but is also low priority because it’s all old content.  Nobody is waiting for the latest update because nobody but me actually knows what that content is, and possibly nobody but me can even read it.  It’s more a personal journey of self-reflection than anything.  I want to return to it but not at the expense of better work.

MeganFantastic dot com

I had a domain name linked to a tumblr that was supposed to be my news blog/front page and I barely use it.  Also, I let the domain registration drop.  Also, I had let a typo in my banner graphic go unnoticed for YEARS and still haven’t fixed it.  Even now, I’m writing this big post to my personal blog instead of the one for news.  The idea was to eventually buy some real hosting and make MeganFantastic a whole site of its own, but that’s a lot of work.  I’ve got a generally good idea of HOW I’d do it (probably wordpress) but I’m not a coder, it would take a lot of trial and error.  This would be a huge undertaking and eventually Laserwing, Popkas, and all my other junk would be contained on one big non-tumblr website.  But it’s uhhhhh not happening yet.

Hundera Youtube

My contribution to our LP channel is to show up, talk about video games, and then draw title cards.  All recording, editing, and channel management is maintained by Josh, and I can’t speak on his behalf about our update schedule.  I will say there are a lot of half-finished games we want to return to.  I will also say that when the new Pokemon comes out Josh is dead set on recording it.  I don’t know if he intends that to be a stream or a regular LP.  In the meantime he streams Minecraft with his friends every Sunday and we fit in our own streams and recordings when we can.

Commissions/Patron Art/etc

I’ve not been very good about this lately and I’m truly sorry!  I have a few things I’m working on, a few things I’ve promised to start working on, and a few things I’ve told people I can do once my workload lightens up, which hasn’t been happening yet.  I really don’t have an answer.  I almost never delete anything so if I’ve been sent a message in any form I should still have it, and I’ll be sure not to forget anyone.  And if I do forget someone feel free to throw rocks at me!

Rane Story 2

What the heck is Rane Story 2?  Well I guess I have to explain Neonmob.  Imagine if ChickenSmoothie and DeviantART had a baby.  It’s a virtual trading card site, which is fun and cute, and I’m drawing out a card series to release on there.  I’ve been using it as practice for painting backgrounds and to fill out some backstory for some 4th-string Laserwing support characters.  Before Mistaire came to Earth, she went to space high school, and that’s where Rane Story takes place.  You can preview the series, and when it’s finished I’ll post about it.  I’ll also repost all the art to DA.  If you scroll through the last several pages of this blog you’ll see some of the art.  I’ve put a lot of my brain energy into getting this done in spite of my work/sleep issues because I don’t want to resume Laserwing until I’ve finished it.  This is what’s stolen my life, guys.  Right now I have 6 more cards to make, and then I have to write and finalize all the text.  I should be done SOON.

Pokemon Nonsense

When my back and shoulder get too hurty and I have to take a break from drawing, one of the easy things to do is whip out a DS and play Pokemon.  I’ve done a lot of twitter shitposting about it lately.  I’ve also drawn up a bunch of gijinkas for my Pokemon.  I’m talking about it now because I also intend to draw up gijinkas for Pokemon to trade away.  I’ve already done a few.  However, I don’t know for sure how I’m going to distribute them.  The idea is people can trade actual Pokemon with me (in either X or Let’s Go Eevee) and the Pokemon they get will come with a character design for you to keep.  I was thinking I might do a discord server for organizing trades and such, but I haven’t yet.  Mostly because it’s low priority and I have SO many other things going on.  But actually playing Pokemon can happen when I’m too fatigued for real work, so the horde keeps growing.  Hopefully my posts and scribbles about it are entertaining.

I feel like there’s other projects on hold that I wanted to discuss, but right now I’m too braintired to remember, and some of my ‘projects’ never actually got talked about online so nobody’s waiting for an update.  My greatest problem seems to be that I try to juggle too many pointless side projects and then drop them all over the place.  Sometimes I’ll shitpost about an idea and even I won’t be sure if I was serious or not.  How do I end this post?  I don’t know.

tl;dr Megan is SLEEPY and dropped her spaghetti everywhere but somehow still has time to play POKEMON and WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

[monthlycalendarforoctober20-blog]

October 2020 Calendar In Printable Word Template

Get this October 2020 Calendar Printable with occasions. The schedule can be changed in accordance with suit your needs. Download the schedule you like, at that point alter the individual as per your needs, for authentic, work timetable or school at that point print on A4 paper. Print the October 2020 schedule around your work area or work area. The quantity of days in October is 31. We have five schedule plan alternatives with same-shading headers and occasion box varieties. Discover a schedule design that suits every one of your objectives. You can download the same number of schedules as you need. Print on paper to impart to your companions or family members. Simply get your pen and clarify it. Moreover, printable schedules don't require a refresh or furnish anybody with access to your day by day plan. I can watch my whole calendar and like to change in like manner. Regardless of where I am, I simply get a pen and update my month to month or week after week plan. It is typically better to recall things when I think of them, versus a composing rapidly. It is in every case extremely helpful to keep a physical record of all that I have done during the week. 

This is our exemplary October 2020 schedule. Snap on the picture and print it . free until the end of time! If it's not too much trouble remember that we follow a 5-week design, so a few months there might be days that fold over and from back to top. This guarantees we are distributed most extreme space every day for every one of your notes. I think these days, we have gotten excessively reliant on innovation. Likewise, I don't need to get the hang of anything specialized, I don't need to stress that my battery will abruptly bite the dust, and every one of my arrangements for the day will be difficult to reach. Possibly now every progression would one say one is step back and plunking down reasoning what would it be a good idea for me to do today? I as of now have an arrangement for the week, which is readily available. Additionally, when you place your fingers on a console, the demonstration of lifting and composing a pen can make your mind work in an unexpected way. Intersection past days can assist you with monitoring your days ahead, and accomplish objectives. I may jump at the chance to see all my schedule occasions, my daily agenda, arbitrary notes, rousing statements, and so on all in agreement. Also, particularly once every week. 

My timetable has been set with the goal that I can see everything. I particularly like explaining a feast plan with the goal that I can see when I have the opportunity to cook, or when I need to accomplish something rapidly. In our Online schedule area, Monthly Calendar and Yearly Calendar can be created with some exceptionally helpful choices. You can include 2018 - 2019 occasions of any nation and the week number to your schedule while producing it. Aside from that, you have the choice to pick your week begins from Sunday or Monday. In generally European and Asian nations week for the most part begins from Monday, and in America, it is from Sunday. Here we have attempted our best to give you a straightforward yet valuable calendar.If you are searching for a schedule in PDF position at that point please visit our PDF schedule segment, and in the event that you need some other kind of format suppose a schedule with some clear space for regular notes or a layout having three months in a single page or a schedule layout having an intriguing look and so on then please visit our 2019 Calendar Templates or Printable Calendar Templates area. At times, individuals need clear schedule layouts where they can fill information according to their necessity, for them we have given quantities of clear schedule formats in our Blank Calendar segment. What's more, to wrap things up, Photo Calendar area where you can include your very own photograph or any photograph accessible in our photograph display, in your schedule. Our schedules are liberated to be utilized and republished for individual use. This schedule enables you to print the entire year on one page, the layout is accessible in picture, PDF and Excel groups. 

Most schedules are clear and the Excel documents permit you claer anything you don't need. On the off chance that you don't have Excel introduced on your PC, you can open our Excel documents with LibreOffice (free open-source programming) or with Numbers on the off chance that you claim a Mac. You should diminish text dimensions however. Immaculate to sort out your own timetable and include your arrangements, our month to month schedules are additionally accessible for download underneath. Remember to utilize the Excel configuration to finish the schedules before printing them. Schedules are in conventional Sunday to Saturday position. Put your month to month schedule to profitable use by utilizing them as organizers by downloading and printing October 2020 schedules in PDF, Excel and Word position. So whether you are in a propensity for arranging or attempting to teach one, this post is for you. The period of October is one of the most excellent months of the year. With the trees demonstrating their fall show of hues and slight nip noticeable all around, it denotes the appearance of winter. October, as you probably are aware, is the tenth month of the year and has 31 days.

[tales-from-exo-planet]

MARSEILLE II PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT II. “You can’t compete where you don’t compare” Length - 7, 452 Mood - slighted, spoiled Pairing - Suho x Reader, some Baekhyun x Lyon Reader Warning - Mature for sexual references 

“어떤 단어들도 우릴 표현 못 하지 내가 아는 우주도 우리를 축복해 (Oh) 우리 안의 Circle를 만들어 매일매일 그렇게 돌다가 물들어 (너와 내가 너와 내가) (너와 내가 너와 내가)” “Eyes Locked, Hands Locked” by Red Velvet

You watched her in silence as she watched him. You had never seen such an untrammeled glare in _____ (Lyon Reader)’s eyes, and found yourself uneasy about her slow careless unraveling even in front of you. Following your arrival from Berlin, after the successful unveiling of the Pathcodes’ The First Supper New Year Gala, a demonstration of the culmination of an entire season of painstakingly detailed planning, you had originally arranged to return together with her and Baekhyun to your place from the airport before they doubled back to pick up Yun Hee from her gra-mère where she had spent a short period of her winter holiday. But the very notion of having to continue to watch the way that she fused her lips closed to withhold the feral screams her eyes could not contain, was unbearable. You knew that she was irritated with Baekhyun for what she would and had described as his lack of assertiveness, for his almost pathetically people pleasing nature that failed to come to complete fruition. You knew since you were young how volatile her anger could surmount to, and in contrast, you knew, that as their relationship evolved, how much she had forgiven and had therefore bloomed as a person capable of loving even herself after failing to meet her own expectations. She had let go of so much hatred, even for those you would say that she would have every reason to despise and dissociate with forever, and you knew that it was Baekhyun that taught her how to look within the pain to find opportunities to love. It was he, grant it also among others, that had given her reasons to hope for a second chance in life. But woe to him, you thought as you suddenly spoke up. Woe to you, Baekhyun who had inspired that very same wrath however loving and well meaning he had intended to be, you thought solemnly as you announced, “actually I’ll take a cab.” You watched Baekhyun hesitate. His back was to you as he meant to lead the way; he fumbled with their suitcases as he approached the white paint of the sidewalk crossing path leading the long trail from the airport to the car port. You looked away before he looked back and up at you, but you heard his uncertain gulp before she spoke. 

“Oh? It’s no trouble to bring you home and come back quickly for YunHee. Maman knows our plan. It’s no trouble, I promise,” she even smiled at you as she always did, her eyes no longer clouded with unforgiving, agitated even darkened clouds. You shook your head, turning back to hail one of the taxis that waited for a willing traveler. The man started up at your signal, barreling down from behind the slowly loading tourist bus, and reuniting families and the security detail directing the haphazard afternoon traffic. You shrugged, pretending to yawn, you hoped convincingly enough. “It’s a long drive and it would be unfair to make you drive that far. I’ll see you. Kiss my niece hello and goodnight for me?” You said to her as you moved towards the taxi where the man had already popped open his trunk in anticipation for your suitcase. He wiped his hands clean against his jeans before reaching for it. You took your time, turning yourself completely away, stowing your coat on the seat, before looking back up at them. Baekhyun couldn’t hide his look of growing apprehension as he watched you go. Usually he would bound towards you and hug you goodbye with that carefree puppy eyed grin, but he now braved a timid smile and waved from his safe post behind the suitcases, “see you soon ____. Be safe getting home please.” “I’ll see you later then,” you nodded at him accepting his wary stance and then you looked at her. She smiled, again for you though it still didn’t cool the heat in her eyes, leaning forward to kiss you goodbye. You caught her quickly, pressing an incisive “take it easy,” into her cheek which you felt her stiffen against. Take it easy on him. —————————- Home in your apartment at last, you waited for Junmyeon. You had washed all of your travel clothes, cleaned and put up your suitcase, changed your sheets, scrubbed your floors, checked the mail, and cleared out the trash, shampooed your hair, and fixed dinner. “He should be here any minute,” you chewed at your bottom lip, looking up again at the time on the clock that read well past the 7:30PM dinner date you had set, above your oven where two servings of deliciously prepared coq a vin waited to be enjoyed. You had hoped to still be cleaning while Junmyeon arrived from Elixier, where you had just called him to check in after settling back in with the groceries. “Everything is running smoothly here so I may get there earlier after I meet with Dad-” “I could always just go to your place tonight. That’s easier isn’t it? It’s not as far as you would have to drive to get here. Plus! You needed groceries-” “I’ve already requested groceries for next weekend when we’ll stay at my place, ____. But I appreciate that,” you heard a sincere smile in his voice, and a slight chuckle at the idea of you going overboard to spoil him, as if that were unusual between you two. “Ok, but definitely 7:30 right? We can push it back if-” “I’ll be there sweetheart. At 7:30,” he stated in a deliberately thoughtful tone which you knew to mean that he couldn’t wait to see you. But it’s 8:30 now… Don’t cancel don’t cancel don’t cancel not again don’t- His name flashed across your screen underneath a time that read 8:45PM as your phone buzzed, and beeped within the clasp of your palms. “Jun?” “_______, sweetheart. How is dinner coming?” He intoned honeyly. “You’re not coming are you?” You frowned impulsively. “Sweetheart I-“ “Can I at least bring you the dinner I made? I got everything ready for us. You promised me when we got back we could-” “I’m sorry. I am. I…things are difficult with Dad. I…I want to see you. I do. I’m sorry. I can’t get away right now. The board is here and we’re discussing damage control after my brother’s blunder. They need me for this evening-” Your emphatic I need you too died on your lips. You pressed your tongue against the roof of your mouth to release the clenching of your teeth. “How is everything going? Will you be able to rectify the damage he caused? Surely we could make up for what was lost with investments from-” “I don’t know if I should risk that. Minseok advised against it…I can’t compromise us all…” he began to drift away though you could clearly still hear him pacing in the hall outside of where the meeting must have been taking place in Junmyeon’s father’s private hospital room. He had been transferred to a private facility given the green light from his initial medical treatment team following your visit prior to your departure to Berlin for the New Year’s Gala. Junmyeon left the night before you all were scheduled to return back to your home bases to check in with his father and Elixier, and promised you that once he saw to his affairs, that you two would have more time just to be together. Successive no phone, no internet weekends for two beginning at your place. You had dreamed of the hours you would spend together this weekend and pushed all fantasies outside of primarily face to face cuddling off of the possible agenda. Once the taxi dropped you off, you had purposefully headed back into town. You had fully stocked your refrigerator, cleaned every inch of your place, and stopped into a boutique for a walk-in bikini sugaring because luckily you could call in a favor after regular hours. All of that for a “can’t tonight, sorry?” You remembered again the palpable rage within her (Lyon Reader) eyes and wondered again how long you would struggle to maintain your calm with this chafing rejection. The reason for these purposefully planned upcoming weekends was because the year before had been dedicated to your new mutual endeavors, The Pathcodes. An entire year and some you both had spent working through every detail of every venture that culminated in the last and first evening of the business calendar year. “Will you be back this weekend at all?” Your voice was barely above a discernible whisper but he “mhm’d” in reply almost out of instinct. “I’ll be back on Sunday at the latest, sweetheart,” that word was starting to make your palms itch and tremble. So many “I wish I could-” “I want you” “please come home” “why are you doing this?!” swallowed screams pressed and bruised against your rib cage forcing a weighted exhale past your lips into the receiver. “I know it’s not ideal ____ but please be patient with me,” he had the audacity to sound…was he really annoyed at you? Really?! “….but I have been…and I am being patient,” you felt your brow furrow as you scratched your bare toe folded underneath you with a free hand, taking your time to enunciate every word and pause. “I can’t-” “No. Stop. It’s not I can’t. It’s I will not. I choose not to. It’s a choice Jun. Everything we do is a choice. I chose to come home and prepare for my boyfriend and I to have a weekend together. Because we had an agreement and I chose to honor that. You chose to take care of family business. You are telling me that now you will not honor our agreement instead of coming to a compromise with me for tonight since we planned to take the weekends off together. I understand the circumstance but I am obviously pretty fucking frustrated with you. You have to allow me that-” “Allow it? I told you that I can be there on Sunday at the latest, if you were listening. I am saying that tonight is not something that I am able to compromise. Listen I don’t want to fight _____,” “You’re not even home for us to properly fight and makeup, first of all. That’s the real problem. I know that this is a difficult time. I saw what was happening before we left or don’t you remember that I was with you at the hospital? I know your family doesn’t necessarily want me around. I know that that is awkward for you and for us. But what concerns me now is if you even want me around? Do you even want to be with me anymore Jun? We have gone months without truly spending time together unless for Elixier, or the Pathcodes. Am I not worth your time? Why do I feel like I’m fighting to stay in something that you have already left?” You would not apologize for the way you rushed through your statements. You would not apologize for the way his breath hitched in his chest, signaling his growing irritation with your brazen accusations. I want you to come home and yell at me and scream at me. I want to fight. I want to fight for us. I want us to cry and pick each other up and love each other down all night, all day, all weekend. You remembered the slight fear in Baekhyun’s eyes as he watched you go but you noticed too the resolve in his shoulders as if he had decided, “well let’s get on with it.” Here now on the phone with you Junmyeon cursed. “Damn it ______! I know and I am sorry. I am. I can’t fix this situation going on here and be with you at home tonight. I am choosing to fix this first so I can come home and be at home with you. I promised you my undivided attention. I have not forgotten that promise. But I have to be here now. I have a duty to fulfill. That is irrefutable. On Sunday I will be there. I promise you. Please. I don’t want to fight. Just please tell me that you will wait for me until then, ok? Let’s talk more on Sunday, ok?” He waited for you to acknowledge him and you waited out his patience. “______,” he groaned in a tone that made you think that he knew that you were stalling him if just to hear his voice. Didn’t he feel guilty? “I love you,” you whispered and he sighed, his voice softening as he responded in mutual passionate exasperation, “I love you too.” __________ You still ate your helping of coq a vin, and dipped into a pint of chocolate and cherry glacé unabashedly, hiccuping and nodding off on your sofa. You jolted from an awkward nap dream wherein Junmyeon’s mother asked you to choose between Jun and his brother, and nearly clotheslined the emptied glacé carton, ceramic dinner plate and utensils, wine bottle and glass of white wine you had begrudgingly indulged from your coffee table. Rubbing sleep from your swollen eyes and now dry cheeks, you slowly cleared your dishes and trash, washing them and placing them in their cupboards and the bin neatly. Your slippered footsteps echoed almost mockingly in your flat as though you were realizing how truly empty it was now that you had slowed from running around and around during the weeks that had been being employed as a full time investigative journalist some years ago now. How much had you given away thinking you had gained something priceless? Were you making room for love or was it emptying you? 11:25pm huh? I can’t even drink myself into the next morning anymore? You trudged towards your bedroom, shedding your clothes as you brushed past the door and moved along toward your bathroom. Without looking at the mirror you pulled your brush through the flattened curls you’d shaped of your hair, and wiped the rouge from your lips and cheeks. You ached for him more so than being angry, and that fact alone frustrated you. Why am I so willfully compliant? Why do I wait for him? I know what it is to be abandoned. Forgotten. Unwanted. Why am I waiting? Why? How can I possibly want him right now? How? How could I possibly WANT him right now? Sitting at the edge of your clawfoot tub, you turned both of the faucets until a tolerable mixture of heat and cool water filled the bath. You gently descended, feeling a rush of relief envelope you once you were submerged. And then you started crying again. You hadn’t known your parents. You remembered fragments of your mother’s voice and your father’s face. You thought you had once had siblings. Sometimes the smell of fire and seared flesh was coupled with the sound of her voice. But you were also sure that children made up stories to comfort themselves, and people in general did so because it was easier to live believing a lie. You remembered your mère, the only woman whom you had called mère, visiting you at some place you could never remember being a distinctive orphanage or otherwise. It seemed like you just came to be with her and she just took care of you. Well minded you more so in that she provided a home, an education, nutritious diet, and a wholesome environment for you. But you never had holidays together or with relatives. You didn’t know anyone with your last name or could ever trace a lineage. “What trifling, foolish thoughts. This is some American design on education? I will have a word with the directeur about this sham of a project,” she spat at your family tree project in primary school. You had come home so excited to interview her with the questionnaire your teacher had drawn up. You couldn’t wait to meet her at the school gate, and bounced excitedly all along the street as you walked home risking her chiding for your wild behavior. You showed her the papers as soon as you had finished with your dinner, prattling on about how you hoped she could show you now that you had washed your dishes. You had been so hoping for family photos to be revealed and long lost stories of your mysterious ancestors. No sooner had she spoken with said director though were you removed to a private academy wherein you met your dearest and fondest lifetime friend. Somehow the topic of the project found its way into your first conversation at lunch during your first week, and you shyly revealed to your classmates that you were adopted. Most of the children around you shrugged, though some did eye you in a pitying oh-my-what-a-sad-sorry-thing-that-you-don’t-know-your-family way. She (Lyon Reader) watched you after you said it and slid her chair closer to yours sharing her extra juice box since you drank yours for snack earlier. “I hope you feel welcome here. It’s hard when you feel alone,” she smiled, her chubbiest pearliest smile just for you, and you knew then that family can also be those you meet in life. Family. A concept so elusive but essential to your being was understood differently by you and Junmyeon. You cherished your dearest ___ (Lyon Reader.) Your love for her as pure as a sister and as deep as if the blood within your veins had always been one in the same. And Junmyeon reflected that in his relationships with his dearest friends as you had witnessed. His family, his blood family, however was something unknown and apart from him altogether but unlike you in every way. He felt that he owed them his life no matter the insult or sneers he endured. Your mère, your only legal representation of family, did not deserve your life, in your opinion however. You granted her respect, because you knew that without her you may have never survived wherever it was that she had found you. You had never achieved finding any record of your birth or that place you could hardly remember. On a dare and in search of the truth with ___ (Lyon Reader) one summer vacation, you went to the library to research the whereabouts of your origin. “It’s for your ultimate happiness!” She had declared, with a bravado that insinuated that she would brave the very bowels of the world, and pull apart every floorboard of secrecy to unearth the home you never knew you lost. But even that research meant nothing to you, looking back at it now. Not when you considered what you gained. Junmyeon however could not resist his desire to know more of what his father had suddenly revealed. To hell with what would come of such knowledge. He wanted to know why his uncle would willingly give up a son. What harm could an illegitimate child do? Why did his father have to marry the mother of his nephew who was also his mother? What could such a marriage achieve? He wanted to know more about his family history, and more about their business. He wanted to map it out in front of him to see what had been hidden in such a deceptively innocent manner so uncharacteristic to him of his family. While he had been brought up under the guise that he would always come second to his brother’s future, the very fact of this methodically perpetuated deception had robbed him of his relationship not only with his mother, and his brother but his father. You could see him wondering as he made love to you, driving himself deeper and ever deeper into you until you cried out in anguished ecstasy, the evening you first returned from the hospital somehow surviving a car ride after that bombshell of news, “who am I? What am I doing here?” At the thought of him touching you, and kissing you again, you blushed, your hands happening to slip over your breasts with your soaped up cloth once again. You purposefully ran the cloth over and under, cupping and smoothing your skin smothered in lathered bubbly soap, until the budding of inspired sensation began to spread across every nerve within your body. “Mmmph,” you thought of the way he looked at you with his reddened cheeks, and the sweat between the brows above his darkly impassioned eyes as his mouth closed around your bare nipples. “Haa…” you exhaled writhing as the water slipped between your thighs, gliding over your softening, warming, tenderest places. You remembered his touch there, always gentle at first before gradually building in its intensity. You heard his gasps at your moans as you slipped your fingers along the current of the water, finding the most precious point. “Junmyeon…” you moaned into the quiet bath, hearing the lapping of water echoing its slippery reply. Quickening your pace, you felt the water rising with each breath, pushing you and pulling against you as he did when he, when you, until finally you cried out wishing he was again kissing your lips, your closed eyes, your neck whispering drowsily as he pressed his lips against you that, “I love you. I love you ____.” _______________ You woke again to the incessant buzzing of your cell phone on your coffee table. You turned over after the second call and a glance at your bedside clock that read 2:15am. Ughhhhhh!!!!!! Gathering your blankets around you as a gown since you hadn’t worn anything from the bath to your bedroom, you journeyed back to the living area where your phone buzzed again. “Is that-” You hurried to answer. “Baekhyun?” A horrible pause. “Baekhyun-” “_____, I’m sorry about the hour that I’m calling. Is she there with you?” You realized he had covered the receiver with his hand as you heard him talking to someone while he waited for your answer. “No. No she’s not here. Is something…she didn’t call me,” you hesitated to ask when you knew that something was obviously wrong if he couldn’t find her. I should have stayed with them. I shouldn’t have told her to take it easy. I should have- “She’s not at her flat. She’s not at maman’s. She’s not at the office. I am about to call the police. She won’t answer my calls. She won’t answer maman either. I just…” You could tell he was waiting until he had walked far enough away from the confused voice he had been talking to. “We had a fight again, and she stormed out. She didn’t even take the car. She just went. I made a mistake. I…I can’t find her _____. I-” you could hear the tears returning that had abated, his breathing ragged. You heard him trying to open the car door and fumbling with the handle, hearing the resounding kiss of the metal of the dropped keys against the pavement. “I’m sure she’s ok. Let me call her ok? Don’t go anywhere,” you said quickly transferring to your home phone. She picked up on the third ring. “I’m almost outside your door. Can you open it please?” She asked, her voice sounding eerily calm. “He’s calling to ask where you are. I’m going to tell him that I found you,” you informed her though you knew that she knew you were not asking her permission. “Baekhyun she’s here. She just came to my place-” “How did she get there?! Is she ok? Is she-? I-” “Let me look first ok?” You interrupted jolting from your sofa to scurry to the front door. You heard footsteps outside after a car door slammed and looked down to see a taxi slowly pulling away from your street. Her clothes looked wet no doubt from the misty midnight air, and her rumpled hair was pulled into a sloppy makeshift bun. Her expression was again composed, and resolute though her eyes wandered everywhere as she made her way to your staircase. “She looks ok. Maybe a little tired. Is YunHee-” “She’s home with me. Rather the nanny and maman. I’ll get back then…I…could you tell her that I’m sorry. I am so sorry. And I-” “I will. I promise you,” you whispered to him as you opened the door. __________ After a bath and the last helping of coq a vin you had saved for Junmyeon she was ready to talk. You told her when she had come inside what Baekhyun’s message was and tried to ignore the way she glared at the floor as if she wanted to set it ablaze. You waited for her to begin as she picked nonchalantly at her nails and slowly grew irritated at her callous exhales. “What in the world could be so awful that you would hitchhike it to my house in the middle of the damn night ____(Lyon Reader)?” you began abruptly. She shook her head as she ran a hand over her face, her features pinched. “I can leave-” “And just where would you go? What? Do you expect me to wait up for you to come back? I’m not Baekhyun damn you,” you frowned at her and then she glared at you. “Yea I said it. So come on then. What happened?!” You demanded, tossing your phone to the middle of your bed between you and her. She looked down at the blank screen, and for a moment said nothing before dissolving into soundless sobs. You waited another beat, before sighing yourself as you climbed closer to her to comfort her. You started just by rubbing her shoulders, and listened until she settled down before you tried again in a lower tone. “What happened?” “I thought after the New Years gala we would talk. Before the gala there were always excuses but afterwards since I knew ____ (Berlin Reader) hadn’t scheduled anything for us to attend to and so I planned to talk with him-” “Mhm I could see that at the airport after we got back-” “No…after we got back…___ I am really tired of the level of invasive this thing is becoming,” She suddenly fumed, the dimming fire returning to her speech, her lip curling at the invisible culprit who had reappeared. You pulled away to look at her. “Invasive…?” Oh. “Who said-” “Minseok. Minseok had the nerve to say that I was being unfair and I should know better than to think Baekhyun was not doing all he could for us. He wanted me to mind my attitude…where does Baekhyun get off airing our business to someone like him.” Many a time had the two of you argued over something diminutive in comparison but you knew from circumstance that she was not one to stay angry for long. But with Baekhyun it was different. Involving someone who was not considered family to her, was different. The clarity of that jilted you somewhat. “Did you tell Baekhyun, first of all?” you asked and she tsked at you, her eyes scarily reducing to venomous slits as if to say “obviously.” “He had the nerve to defend him-” “He defended him?!” “He said he didn’t mean it that way…” You rolled your eyes in mutual agitation. “We were doing fine, just fine before all of this. And now…I’m just so frustrated with Baekhyun and this lack of assertiveness. I just…” “What’s the matter though? Really? Haven’t you talked about this with him?” “I thought we had…I don’t know ____ he just got so comfortable,” she frowned at the word as if it was sitting in front of her shrugging away her judgement. “But when you’re happy in a relationship-” “Of course there’s comfortable as in a certain level of intimacy and understanding of each other but ___ he just…he changed…even after YunHee was born and I just…” She seemed to be battling herself to not say what she was afraid to think. “Can’t you make room for the way he is changing? Does he not still take care of you both? Knowing Baekhyun I know he isn’t going to step out on you. He has never had eyes for anyone since he met you. He would never compromise your relationship and willingly hurt you. He is faithful to you, ___ (Lyon Reader.)” “But why do I feel like I am settling for less than who he is? Why does it feel like he’s different but not because he’s becoming a better man but simply because he…I don’t know. It’s just…he bought the house we talked about but the way Minseok paraded around in it…I just…” She grimaced as she wiped away at stray tears. There are holes in our hearts that our families have made. Places we desperately want filled with the love that was promised. And it’s those places we oftentimes force our relationships to go without realizing that that person is doing their best, and loving us with their all. Well…mostly…sometimes. Sometimes we don’t want to recognize the mirror that our lover is. What shortcomings we see in others that we cannot care are often our own grievous downfalls. Where we fail to accept our lovers, we often fail to embrace ourselves. “I just…I miss us ____. When he makes love to me now I…the last time we were together I came like always and he seemed satisfied with that. But when he drifted to sleep I kept touching myself, I wanted more and I have never done that before ____. Never. I look at him at the breakfast table smiling at me over something I made for him and I am mad. I watch him playing with YunHee and I am frustrated at the time he takes showing her how to play the piano. The way he holds her hands and presses her fingers down on the keys. I don’t know what’s wrong with me-” her voice stuttered to a stop as she started to cry again, a pitiful rasping moan. The mention of lovemaking made you groan inwardly, but you heard an echo of what she had once said as a girl. That she wished her father had loved her and she was honestly jealous of girls who knew their father’s love. The research you conducted led her not only to your non existent family but to her own father; information she obsessed over for months before finally calling him to demand a meeting. To you she was not unhappy because Baekhyun loved their daughter, it was because she once again felt like something lacked in her even though everything had gone the way she had hoped…for the most part. She had not found the peace she wanted. Whereas you… “_____ you love this man. You absolutely do. There is no denying that. But instead of telling him what you thought-” “Why can’t he just-” “I don’t know why. But he tries does he not? Even now he called for you. He was at your apartment, he had just stopped by your office, he was even brave enough to go to maman to look for you and you know that must have been terrifying, and I have no doubt that he was about to get in the car to come here after calling the police if I did not answer my phone. He is not a superhuman. He has his flaws. But he loves you without question. Everything you had ever hoped and dreamed for in a father when we were little, our precious YunHee has in Baekhyun. Is that not a blessing-” She nodded but shook her head, again wiping away tears. “How is it any different if we are not married?” “Then stop delaying the ceremony and get on with it!” You cried and she laughed at your sudden shout making you smile at least. “I want some time away from him even so. I want to think about this. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel the same,” she went on and you laughed weakly, unable to hold back your emotions as you had hoped to spare her the time she needed to come down from crisis. “____? Darling what’s wrong?” Her tears forgotten she embraced you instead, cradling you where you turned into her embrace. “I’m sorry I…” “Is it Junmyeon? Has he still not come by?” She sounded truly worried and you knew that she was. She pressed your hair away from your face, gently combing your hair back with her fingers before she began to scratch your scalp. You cuddled into her, sighing, “I don’t know when he’ll have the time.” “What the hell does that even mean? Surely he has time to see you,” she intoned irritable on your behalf. You sat up to look at her, “I’m not sure that he loves me or that he would stick beside me if his family demanded different. I think given the ultimatum that he would leave me.” She shook her head at you, her eyes tearful as she heard your confession. “What really holds us together?” You mused aloud ruefully to which your dear friend (Lyon Reader) countered, “even before YunHee was born Baekhyun and I were committed. It’s not just a child that binds two people together. I mean look at my mom and Dad you know…?” She meant to comfort and rule out your fears but you said the truth on your heart anyway. “I worry that I have just now only realized that whether there was a child or not…Junmyeon and I…I’m not sure we are built of the stuff to last.” ______________ Saturday was spent in, serenely. __ (Lyon Reader) cooked each meal for you both and called home to speak with YunHee who was quite confused and upset that Mommy was not home to hear her piano practice as translated by her nanny. “Baekhyun will be taking her to his grandmother’s this week, and will stay until next weekend. He plans to be away on business the following week as well,” you overheard the nanny inform ___ (Lyon Reader) who was slowly pouring the tea she had brewed for you both. “Oh? Is Baekhyun there-” “He is not at home at the moment, but he will be returning shortly from a visit with his father,” the woman explained to which ___ (Lyon Reader) only nodded. “Thank you for passing along the information. I’ll be home tomorrow morning-” “Wonderful. Mr. Byun was hoping you would be home by then so that he could travel with the whole family together-” “Absolutely. I will be there…” she answered before hanging up the phone. “Make the most of what you have while you have it,” you reminded her as soon as she returned with the tray. ___________ She went early Sunday morning, leaving with sunshine and birdsong in her wake in a mood of both restlessness, and slight regret. “I do love him. I don’t want you to have the wrong idea…” Yea I know. “But you sound like you have cold feet still. Take your time to think it through but remember what’s at stake while your relationship with Baekhyun is uncertain…don’t neglect YunHee…everything you do affects her,” you murmured into her neck as you hugged her goodbye. “Mm,” she took a step back from your hug, holding your hands in hers as she looked at you. You both stood, quietly observing one another. She leaned in for other hug, wrapping her arms around your waist to hold you closer now. “Let’s both not give up, ok?” But I don’t really feel like that’s up to me. _____________ Back inside your apartment you hesitated to close the door on the morning light. The breeze outside smelled so good. The bright sky blue promise of a new day tempted you. Your yearning for truth pulled at the hem of your robe. The sweet smelling breeze lifted your hair, and caressed your cheeks. Run. But you closed the door after a gaping breath. I did promise her that I would try. _____________ “Delivery,” called a male voice after three short knocks on your front door. You had curled into your covers with a couple books Junmyeon left on the bedside table on his side during his last weekend stay with you. The Poetry of Zen, Mouthful Of Birds, The Price of Everything, Don Quixote, and Thinking Fast and Slow were all titles he loved to read over and over while he waited for you to finish with dinner. You smiled as you touched and turned each page, catching whiffs of his cologne impressed into the spine where he’d crushed the open book against him during a nap. “Coming!” You called back, rising from your bed and pulling your silken robe closed. You peeked through the curtains out the window just beside the door to see a couple of delivery men in simple black dinner suits standing in a line, holding velvet boxes embossed with bouquets of flowers. Your heart lifted at the sight. He is coming! You pulled open the door immediately. “Good afternoon, we have flowers for a Miss ____” “Yes. Yes that’s me,” you breathed in the fragrant scent of cherry blossom bouquets as they entered with boxes sized to hold small table and larger floor arrangements. You watched as they worked, expertly placing the bouquets in vases of clear crystal where they saw spaces fit for the glowing bouquets. The soft rosy pink and white of the buds cast a glowing blush within your seemingly barren apartment. Had the very light of my place been drained from here before now? How had I not noticed? As you stood mesmerized by the resurgence of life around you, you startled at the delivery man who approached you with a small white box lavishly wrapped in billowing red satin ribbon that loosely spiraled from the bow at its top to the floor at his feet. “If you would, Miss,” he gestured you closer, inclining his chin to the box held neatly atop the palms of his gloved white hands. You started forward reaching to touch the lush ribbon and gently pull the delicate bow loose from its arrangement. It spooled out from its hold cleanly and you lifted the lid of the box to see a blinking analog message. “I’m sorry ____. I hope you can forgive me.” Tearfully you looked up at the doorway where he appeared, a halo of the afternoon’s dimming rays framing him as he stood there. “Hi sweetheart,” he grinned, optimistically. _____________ “I want us to really talk about this Junmyeon,” you murmured against his bare chest, feeling happily woozy at the fragrance in the air, and the loved feeling in your limbs. “Then let’s talk now that we’re both awake…” he murmured against your nose, shifting carefully so he could pull you closer. You nipped at his chin as he wrapped his arm more securely around your back, your hand on his chest. Tonight was the first time you had loved openly in your living room. As soon as the delivery men exited your apartment, and he had discreetly closed the door, he referenced that saying before you could open your mouth, “I know it’s been stormy between us and around us lately…but they do say that April showers bring May flowers. And so I’ve brought you all the flowers I have in my heart for you for every time I thought of you, of us, and our love.” You broke into a sprint towards him, colliding with him though he had very obviously braced himself to catch you. “Why do you do this to me? I wait for you for days on end. You just abandoned me. You just desert me now when everything is uncertain? I want to be there with you! Why don’t you consider me as part of your family the way I think of you? Why did you come back here if you acted like you didn’t need me before? What do you take me for-” You whimpered into his sudden kiss, struggling to pull away from him. “I’m not abandoning you-” “Then what?! You meant to tell me I am making this all up?!” “You’re not-” “Then say it, damn it! Make up your mind! You can’t possibly expect me to let this pass just because you brought the garden of Eden to my apartment!” “____” he reached for your face, cupping your cheeks in his hands, willing you to still your trembling limbs as he pressed his forehead against yours. You treasured the scent of aftershave at his neck, and mint on his breath. You had happily noted his duffel bag at his feet, and that he wore your favorite sweatshirt. “I don’t know what to think. My entire world isn’t what I thought and right in the middle of that is us. I don’t know what to say. I love you. I know that. But some part of me is still confused about myself-” “But why not just say that? Why do you shut me out?” “Because you can’t help me. It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with us-” “But it does. This…you being confused about who you are means that you are confused about our relationship. Where can I possibly hope to fit into that? How can I possibly comfort you when you don’t even know what you need? Junmyeon…” He dropped his hands to your shoulders, gliding his open palms against you, like water, the tide pulling you ever closer, this time, to his chest where he embraced you deeply. “I can’t ask you to wait for me but I am asking you to wait for me and to be patient with me-” “No,” you pushed against his chest. He mouthed your “no,” back at you as if it was an impossible answer. “No I will not wait anymore Junmyeon…I can’t,” you broke into a sob that sent tremors down your spine. His hopeful gaze splintered at your statement. “I want you. I’m sure of that. I want us. But I don’t want this waiting. I want to really get to know who you are. I want you to get to know me too. I want to grow together. I’m not saying that I need to be there for all of the board meetings or the trade deals though I do want to hear about that too. I know there are things that you have to do. I know there are places that I cannot go. But I’m saying that I want a home together. I want you here every night. I want you to come home to me. Whatever happens to you, happens to me. I accept that fate. I want to get to know this person you are discovering that you truly are. You are mine…and I…I am yours, Junmyeon…” can’t you see that? Can’t you see what a mess this has made of me? How could you sweep into my life like that and then just flutter away? He waited for you to finish, his hands fisted by his sides, his brown eyes dark with tears. He waited another moment longer while you wrapped your arms around yourself, despairing. He took a shaky step towards you and another before kneeling at your feet. “I…I don’t know everything about who I am. Or my family. And I’m scared of what I’ll find…but if you would have me ____. If you would stand by me that would mean everything to me…but I know I don’t deserve it. Not with the way I’ve made you feel…” he spoke in his lowest tones, his voice barely above a whisper in your apartment that never felt infiltrated by the noise of the world around you. Even now there was no sound, there was no one but Junmyeon in your garden. He reached for your waist, pulling himself closer to you, his head resting against your stomach. You bowed into his embrace, your crown meeting his. “I can forgive you. I have enough strength for that. But you cannot do this to me anymore. I am promising to be here from here on out but only if you honor your promise.” Junmyeon gave a weighted exhale at your steady answer, lifting himself as effortlessly as the morning sun above you, his lips meeting yours. ____________

[chrysaliseuro2019]

An Unexpected Bonus

We wanted to look around Benevento a bit more before we left. Despite almost stumbling on it it had character in terms of some majestic buildings and a laid back ambience and we wanted to make sure that we soaked a bit more up before leaving. After breakfast at the hotel we set off for a look around. It was Sunday morning so unfortunately a couple of very good clothes shops for both men and women were closed though that probably saved the budget. It was pretty hot and we stuck to the shade as best we could while taking in some grand buildings. We had not done too much research into Benevento (it doesn't make the guide books) though Liz thought it had possibilities and hence plucked it out as a destination. We also had read via crits of the hotel that it was a handy pitstop for travellers to/from Rome. Glancing down one of the laneways we saw a Roman arch which merited some investigation. We had stumbled upon a treasure. The arch of Trajan built between 114 and 117 AD essentially to honour the Roman emperor Trajan was imposing and well preserved, albeit with an element of restoration over the years. The original buildings around it had been demolished due to earthquakes over the years so the arch stood stolid, defiant and magnificent as a reminder of the past and arguably the best preserved example that I have seen of this type of structure. The arch has various sculptures and friezes depicting Emperor Trajan in processions or meeting dignitaries amongst other scenes. We probably spent 30-45 mins just walking around it to look at it from various angles. It was both one of those uncanny and moving connections with life 2000 years ago and a glorious piece of ancient architecture. With some reluctance we dragged ourselves away with a few glances over the shoulder to get a final glimpse. Again one of those monuments that you feel that you should visit every year or two and just reflect on and enjoy though that is going to be unlikely in this case. We headed back to the car thinking Liz had done it again and found a small gem in the city of Benevento when we weren't expecting much more than a feed and a bed. Next we had decided for our last day in Italy prior to heading for Latvia that we should soak up some rays and basically just relax by the beach. Also we wanted to keep heading towards Rome so that the final day's journey in the car would be reduced. The hotel Miramare near Latina was our choice. A couple of hundred kilometres away from Benevento. We arrived around 4.00pm, checked in and immediately headed for the beach. It was hot and pretty chokkers with people though through the hotel we had a reserved area to sit on and free beach beds and umbrellas. Settled ourselves down in the front row and went quickly for a swim to cool off. Very pleasant and sandy beach. I headed off for ice creams and on return found a disgruntled Liz was in the process of moving to beds nearby - "the blue beds". We had inadvertently parked ourselves on "the white beds" which though labelłed as Hotel Miramare had to be paid for and were often reserved for a week by the same people. Though empty at the time and it now being 4.30 pm the attendant advised that people may return despite Liz's protestations. She was not happy. Anyway all good and in fact the blue beds offered more shade beside a small building as the sun was getting lower and the umbrellas were of less use. It was a lovely way to end the Italy venture. Our room was very pleasant with a good sized balcony looking out to sea and despite the fact that it was a commercial sort of environment, given the setting, facilities and ease of access to the beach, another day there would not have gone amiss. Early evening post a freshen up we went to the small hotel next door which had an informal open air bar which looked out to sea for a drink. A very pleasant 45 mins or so spent there. Time for dinner. Not too many choices close to the hotel that we were keen on. Either too formal and pricey looking or menu boring but there were only a few options. We decided to walk along the beach road towards Latina which was a couple of kilometres away. Every few hundred metres there would be a restaurant or bar even a couple of campsites. We saw a couple of places that we liked the look of. At the first one we tried, which was really full, they said we were too late as the kitchen was closing (it was around 9.30) which seemed a bit weak. We reckon the owner had made too much, it had been a big night and he'd had enough. Second one was fine and though it also busy, with the staff under a bit of pressure, we enjoyed it. Nice seat in a sort of garden setting. Liz's risotto with seafood was unfortunately a bit more like basmati with seafood but my clam pasta very good. Friendly service too. We retraced our steps to the hotel and it was a very tidy walk but no hardship on a pleasant night. Next morning we set off around 10.30 for the 90 minute trip to Rome airport. A little task first. Our foam beach mats from Greece needed to be ditched. We thought the campsite would be a good place to gift them so drove down and Liz gave them to a mum with young son as they headed for the beach. Not needed on this sandy beach but might be handy in the future. After initial surprise at what the deal was, mum was very grateful. They had come in very handy for us those mats and not sure how you could enjoy Greek beaches without them, together with the protective foot coverings for when you traverse the pebbles into the water. Off we set for the airport and the car not due to be returned till about 1.20 pm. We could take it easy and not rush. Usual shenanigans at the end finding a garage to refuel. We found one after driving around a little, just a couple of kms from the airport though not on the main road in. The navigator was showing signs of concern especially as I had ignored a petrol station with about 17/18 kms still to go to the airport. Relief all round. Also finding our way to the car hire return necessitated negotiating a cryptic maze of signs. The trusty Narelle, the voice of google maps, proved not so trusty on this occasion and lead us up the garden path. She got us to the airport but then took us to the departure area even though signs were pointing to car rental in a different direction. In the end we closed her down and followed the signs which weren't exactly easy but we got there with around 45 mins to spare. Flight not parting for 4 hours so we settled down to wile away the time. It went. Flight took off pretty much on time around 6.00pm and was uneventful. Air Baltic which we booked through Alitalia. One bonus of booking thru Alitalia was that we got a baggage allowance of 23kgs as opposed to the air Baltic standard of 20 kgs. We were both just over the 20 kgs mark so handy. Plane was pretty new and seats much more user friendly than the Aussie squeezy ones with minimal leg room that we all now have to put up with. The flight landed at 9.45pm - on schedule. What I hadn't appreciated was that the Baltics are 1 hour ahead of Italy so the flight was only 2 hours 45 mins not the 3hours 45 that I expected. Usual bus to the terminal job which seemed to take a while by the time it was loaded up and also leaving the plane was a bit slow. However that all paled as from then on things went like a rocket. Appeared to be no customs to clear. We didn't show passports though the check in process had scrutinised them perhaps they rely on Air Baltic's processes. As we walked into the baggage area out came the bags. We were sitting in a taxi around 10.10 with a 15 minute drive to the centre of Riga. We were meeting good friends Sue and Peter Box in Riga so having spoken to and texted Peter from Rome saying we would see them in the morning given our late arrival, I now called him to say if they were still up we would have a jar in the bar. They were and we did. It was a nice way to end a pretty hassle free journey. Perhaps the only discordant note was a regular(ish) one. The taxi driver into Riga was an absolute grump. In fact downright rude. The hotel advised that we could get a slightly discounted taxi journey using red taxis who would be given a voucher when they delivered us to the hotel which the driver could then reclaim. This guy seemed ropable about it. Perhaps he wanted the cash but in truth the meter seemed to be less than the value of the voucher. We were staying at a Radisson and there are 4 Radisson hotels in town. He yelled at Liz " there are 4 madam which one is yours" and so on. Not a good intro. Never spoke the whole way there. No "where are you from", no discussion about Riga. He did lift our bags out but quickly disappeared. Another bloke in the wrong job or perhaps he'd had a bad day. Anyway, Latvia! After much planning we were here. A buzz. Also to be sharing it with Peter and Sue.

[travelingtheusa]

NEW YORK

18 Sep 2019 (Wed) – We spent the day getting ready for our move. We went food shopping and stopped in at Bagel Boss for lunch.  I don’t know how that place stays in business.  They are soooo slow.  It must be because they are the only bagel place around.  At 3 p.m.  I drove over to Travis & Sam’s to watch Lincoln.  Sam had work and Travis was taking the boys to karate.  We reviewed their finances and discussed options to resolve their issue.  In the meantime, Paul was watching Caiden back at the camper because Miranda and Kenny went to Meet the Teacher Night.

     It was quite cool this morning.  The heater is not working right.  It turns on and then shuts off.  This is an issue we will have to resolve before the weather gets colder.

 17 Sep 2019 (Tue) – It’s been a fairly busy week.  I attended a memorial service for a member of the American Legion Post on Thursday.  Gus Luhrs, past post and past division commander, passed away at the age of 86. He served 20 years in the Marine Corps and was in the Korea and Vietnam Wars.  He was the bartender at the post for many, many years.  I will miss him.

     We went to a dinner celebrating the 100th birthday of American Legion Post 411 on Friday the 13th.  It was held in the Marconi Lodge; not the post.  I guess they wanted to give everyone a chance to enjoy the celebration and not worry about set up and break down.  I was disappointed that few of the guys wore uniforms.  Not too long ago, everyone would have proudly worn their uniform.  The times, they are a-changing.  There were about 60 people at the event.  The food was ok but the company was great.  It was fun to see all our friends from the post.

     Caiden decided to skip church this Sunday.  Afterward, Paul and I went to the Bayside Clam Bar for lunch. The warm days are waning and I want to enjoy as much of the waterfront as possible before it gets too cold.

12 Sep 2019 (Thu) –I had lunch with my sister, Susan, today. We met at the Cheesecake Factory in Bay Shore and both enjoyed salads.  Later this evening, I attended a memorial service for an American Legion friend, Gus Luhrs.

 11 Sep 2019 (Wed) – Wow.  Things have been very, very busy.  We have spent time watching Caiden which takes full effort.  He likes to play pillow fights and pulls me into these all the time.  It’s either here in the camper or on the couch in his house.  

     I had lunch with my daughter, Gina, today.  We met at Cheesecake Factory and caught up on how things have been going since we last saw each other.

     Later today at 5:00 p.m., Paul and I went to a 9/11 memorial conducted by the Town of Islip next to Town Hall.  There were 15 fire departments represented there.  Lots of firemen and a bagpipe and drum band played songs that left you with a lump in your throat.  

 5 Sep 2019 (Thu) – We celebrated our 48th wedding anniversary yesterday.  We had dinner at the Texas Roadhouse.  We saw a posted sign that said they give a 20% military discount on Mondays.  We now have our new best eatery on Mondays!

    We had my brother, Dennis, and his lady, Denise, over for dinner on Tuesday (September 3).  I made chicken picata, potatoes, and green beans.  Everything came out perfect.  They stayed for two hours.  It was a very pleasant visit.

     Caiden started school yesterday (Noah started the day before on Tuesday and Hudson started on Wednesday).  We all walked Caiden down to the bus stop and waited over a half hour. The first days of school always sees the bus come late.  It was almost an hour late returning at day’s end; although there was a legitimate excuse – the town was out and picking up debris one block over and on our block. That held up traffic all over the area. Caiden seemed to enjoy himself on his first day.  His teacher’s name is Mr. Lolo.  Can’t wait to meet him.

1 Sep 2019 (Sun) – We took Caiden with us to church this morning. He was very fidgety and complained that it was boring.  Not sure how much longer he will go with us to church before he decides it’s not fun. We spoke with Pastor Doug and scheduled October 20 for Lincoln’s baptism.  

     After church, I let Caiden do some exploring and playing on the playground behind the building.  Then we went to the Clamside Bar & Grill at the East Islip Marina for lunch.  We all took a walk around the pier then returned home.

     Paul and I spent the afternoon doing yardwork.  As Paul cleared out some of the brush, I got a good look at the trees down on that back fence.  It looks like a much bigger area was crushed by our neighbor’s tree than it first looked like.  And he still hasn’t started clearing anything away.  I’m not sure what we are going to do about that.

     After naps, we sent out for pizza for dinner.  Hmmm Hmmm, good!

 30 Aug 2019 (Fri)

– Paul and I took Caiden to my sister Susan’s house today.  We spent the day swimming in the pool and visiting with Susan & Bill and Shay & Pat (her daughter and boyfriend).  The weather was lovely.

29 Aug 2019 (Thu) – Good news!  I had an appointment at Sloan Kettering this morning to find out the results of the PET and CT scans I had on Monday.  After only ten days on the chemo, the lymph nodes have already started to shrink.  My response to the therapy has been so good that I don’t have to come back for a month.  I thought I was going to have to go in every week for 5 or 6 weeks.  

     After the doctor, Paul and I went to Red Robin for lunch.  I had a margarita and cobb salad.  Paul had a beer and burger.  We were kind of giddy with relief and thoroughly enjoyed the meal. Following lunch, we stopped at Shop Rite and picked up some groceries then returned home to continue the yard cleanup.

 28 Aug 2019 (Wed) – It was cool this morning.  We had to wear jackets when we walked Bonnie this morning. The summer is coming to a close. There’s a kind of sadness and yet a feeling of excitement as we build up to the holidays.  

     There is a spider that builds a web outside my bedroom window every night.  I first spotted her during that thunderstorm last week.  When the lightning flashed, she was illuminated on her web.  She seemed to be floating in midair.  She comes out every night and stays until early light the next morning.  I watched her this morning as the sun came up and she climbed up and away to her den for a well-deserved sleep.  She is an orb weaver and measures about an inch and a half in length.  What a beautiful specimen of the insect world!

 27 Aug 2019 (Tue) – We went to church on Sunday.  Caiden decided to take the day off so he did not go with us.  Everyone missed him.

     On Monday, I went to Sloan Kettering and had both a PET scan and a CT scan.  They sure keep those rooms cold.  Brrrrr!  Since I had some radiation, I couldn’t go near pregnant women or small children for 24 hours.   I had to wave across the room to Caiden rather than get my Caiden hug.  At 4:30 p.m. today, I was sure to get my big hug. And it came with a great big smile!

     This afternoon, we drove to the V.A. in Northport.  I wanted to establish myself as a cancer patient and see about getting medicine as we move around the country rather than having it mailed to me every three months.  The doctor referred me to hematology.  There was no answer at the department so I have to wait for a call back.  I got an appointment with Audiology for October. Ugh.  I hate the thought of being here that long.  But, unfortunately, I think I will be here.  The doctor wanted to schedule me for a mammogram but I said I’d go with my regular radiologist.  She did schedule me to come back for a pap smear but I think I’ll just see my own gynecologist instead.  She seemed to be somewhat flustered by me.  She wanted to do all this medical stuff and I kept turning it down.  She wasn’t sure what to do.  lol

24 Aug 2019 (Sat) – The air is full of the sound of generators, chain saws, and leaf blowers as everyone cleans up after the storm. Seems like there are tree removal and PSEG trucks all over the place.  A company has been working on removing the trees from the two neighbors on the south side. We think they took out 11 or 12 trees in total.  We finally got power back on around 2:30 p.m.

     We met with the counselor this morning.  Afterward, we drove to the Clamside Bar at the East Islip Marina and had a late breakfast.  It is nice to sit by the water and watch the boats come and go.  There weren’t many people out on the water considering that it was a beautiful, clear Saturday and summer is fast coming to an end.  You’d think everyone would want to be out getting in their last licks for the season.

     When we finished our meal, we went home and took Bonnie for a walk. Then we drove out to Mastic Beach and toured the William Floyd Estate.  What history exists in our own backyard!  William Floyd was one of the original signers of the Declaration of Independence.  Nine generations of the family lived on the estate from 1718 until they gave it to the National Parks Department in 1976. They originally had 4,400 acres. Over the years, family inherited the property and divided it among heirs, with just 673 acres remaining on the estate today.  The Floyd family was much involved in politics and several prominent people visited the estate to include George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison. During the Civil War, the family fled to Connecticut while the British occupied Long Island.  The house was pretty much trashed when they returned after the war but the Floyds were able to restore it.  The estate began as a two-story, 6 room house.  Additions were made over the years until it ended with 25 rooms, 13 outbuildings, and a family cemetery.

 23 Aug 2019 (Fri) – Wow! We had a hum dinger of a thunderstorm blow through last night.  The phone pinged a warning that a severe storm was going to hit in 15 minutes and everyone should seek shelter on a lower level in the interior of the house. That was different.  I’ve gotten many storm warnings but never one that told me to get to the middle of the house.  They must have expected tornadoes although the warning did not say that.

     At about 9:45 p.m. it began to rain.  Shortly after, the wind picked up.  Then the skies opened up and the thunder and lightning started.  We lost power after about 15 minutes.  We sat and watched the transformer on the pole blow. Then another one blew down the block.

     Finally, the storm passed and we all walked outside to see what kind of damage had been left behind.  Kenny had gotten out of work just after the storm ended.  He reported having to take a crazy circuitous route to get home because of downed trees and wires.  There were trees down at either end of the block.  The next block had a tree land on a car.  Over on the main road (Saxon Ave), there were two trees down at opposite ends, thus closing off the road to through traffic.  People were trying to go down the block.  When they couldn’t get through, they turned and went down our block only to discover they couldn’t get through that way either.  Our neighbor in the back on the south side had five trees go down.  Two landed on our fence.  Another tree came down on our fence in back on the west side.  That tree was also from a neighbor’s yard.  All our trees stayed put for this storm.  lol.

     We had gone over Trap’s house earlier to help him with an electrical problem he is having at the house.  Paul and he worked for over an hour but couldn’t solve the problem.  Sam and I went food shopping with the baby while the two older boys stayed home.  We picked up pizza on the way back home and shared a meal with them before going home.  Luckily, we got home before the storm hit.

21 Aug 2019 (Wed) – The church had their annual outdoor service on Sunday.  We took Caiden with us.  I guess the outdoor setting was too much for him.  He wanted to go play and squirmed and fidgeted throughout the entire service. Afterward, there were all kinds of foods in a potluck meal.  Everything was very good.  I really enjoy those potlucks!

     I really messed up today.  I was scheduled for a PET scan at Sloan Kettering this afternoon.  The test requires you to fast for six hours prior. I was watching Caiden and he asked for something to eat.  I got him a snack out of the refrigerator and without thinking, popped a piece of cheese in my mouth.  Yikes!  When I got to the cancer center, it turned out I was supposed to be there at 1:15, not 2:15 p.m.  Fortunately, the 2:15 appointment had shown up at 1:15 so they let me take the later appointment.  Unfortunately, I had eaten the cheese and couldn’t take the test.  I had to reschedule for next Monday.

     I started chemotherapy on Monday.  I am taking Ibrutinib once a day.  So far (knock on wood), I am not having any side effects.  Reading all the warnings, I have been fully expecting diarrhea and vomiting.  Maybe it will come after the chemical builds up in my body.  I have to admit that I am afraid of this drug.  It interferes with the production of white blood cells. This lowers my resistance to infection. I have to be careful about keeping my hands clean and avoiding sick people.  It is something I have to learn to live with since I now have to take this drug for the rest of my life.

     The saga with trying to get Miranda financial help goes on.  Social Services turned down her request for financial aid as well as food stamps.  The department has a requirement for certain categories of persons to be referred to New York State HQ for examination when applying for Medicaid.  We have to wait and see what happens there.

17 Aug 2019 (Sat) – We saw the counselor this morning.  She was empathetic to our situation and gave us some suggestions for dealing with our adult children and their issues.  Afterward, we drove to Bayside Clam Bar at the East Islip Marina for lunch.  It is a great time of year to sit down by the water and just enjoy the season.  All too soon, the cold weather will be upon us.  

     We stopped by the thrift shop at church and helped move tables and chairs from the storage area to the door.  Tomorrow will be our annual outdoor service and potluck. We were staging the items by the back door where they would be taken down to the yard.  Paul found a pair of super cool looking glasses for Caiden. They look like some kind of futuristic robot apparatus.  They have a battery pack and when you turn it on, blue lights come on either side of the glasses.  They also have a magnifying glass that folds out in front of the right lens.  He loved them!

 16 Aug 2019 (Fri) – It’s been a pretty quiet week.  I got my hair cut this morning.  It was good to see my hairdresser.  She moved down to the Carolinas years ago and comes up about every 3 or 4 weeks.  She said it was too hard to start a new following down south so she just continues coming back to New York to see her customers.  I am glad about that! She is the only one who can get my hair right.

     I went to visit my niece, Jennifer, and her new baby, Ava.  She delivered about a month ago.  My sister, Susan, and her other daughter, Sharon, joined me.  The baby is adorable.   Susan picked me up in her new red Tesla, of which she is very proud.  It rides pretty nice.

     Later at 5:30 pm, we went over Travis & Sam’s to watch the boys while they tore up the carpet in the upstairs hallway and put down new flooring. First we played outside.  Then we followed Noah and Hudson on their bicycles around the block (they rode; we walked).  Then we drove them to a nearby playground and let them play for a while. Interestingly, Noah pulled a book out of the book exchange and sat down on a bench to read while Hudson climbed all over the playset.  Two very different boys!

     Finally, we capped the night with a trip to Carvel.  The ice cream was delicious but needless to say, their parents weren’t too happy about all the energy they came home with after the sweet treats.  It is good to be the grandparent!  You can spoil the babies and not suffer the aftermath.  Sweet!

11 Aug 2019 (Sun) – We went to church this morning.  Caiden is spending the weekend with his other grandma so he wasn’t with us.  It seemed like everyone missed him.  Everybody we spoke with asked about him.  He is pretty popular.

     After church, Paul and other folks helped to unload furniture for the church’s garage sale in October.   I went down to the thrift shop and helped them sort baby clothes.  They got a donation with dozens of outfits. We put them in bundles of six and marked them at fifty cents for the bundle.  It must have been clothing from a store that closed.  There is no way they could have all come from one family. Many outfits were brand new, some with tags still attached.

     We went to Sagtikos Manor for a tour of the historical home.  The land was purchased from the Secatogue Indians in 1692 and a 4-room house was built in 1697.  The home was purchased by a wealthy family and over the years, more rooms were added until it now has 42 rooms.  It was fascinating to hear the history of the property.  The Gardiner family, one of the wealthiest in the area, owned the home in addition to Gardiner Island.  They also had several homes around the Island and in New York City. In 1963, the house was put into a foundation trust.  The property was sold to Suffolk County in 2003.  What used to be 1,400 acres is now just 10 acres of land.  There is a cemetery, a walled garden, a carriage house, and a buttery on the property.  British soldiers occupied the manor during the American Revolution. The newly elected president, George Washington, slept in the house during a tour of Long Island in 1790.  There were many delightful pictures and prints hanging on the walls.  The family kept everything and all the furnishings were from the period.  We really enjoyed the tour.  Here was something in our own backyard that we never explored.

10 Aug 2019 (Sat) – Caiden keeps us amused.  He is a charming, sweet soul.  I went over Trap’s house Friday night and got to read the boys bedtime stories.  It was fun. We went bowling with them on Wednesday. They are two very ener- getic boys! The night was quite interesting. Hudson and I had the same score for almost the entire game.  I pulled it out in the end and broke 100.  I think he got eighty something.  Pretty good for a 4-year old (or bad for a 67-year old).  :-}

     We’ve been keeping busy.  Paul went down to the church and power washed the fence in back and the front entry way. We will be having an outdoor service next Sunday and Pastor Doug wanted the area to look nice.  I helped out in the thrift shop for a couple of hours. There were a couple of boxes with baby clothes in them.  I took them for Lincoln.  

     I went down to Social Services with Miranda.  I am trying to get them some financial aid as well as food stamps and Medicaid.  It took over an hour just to fill out the application form! We left without seeing anyone after sitting for a couple of hours.  An agent called Miranda later and told her she did not qualify for financial aid. Her $160 a week disability check combined with her husband’s $177 weekly unemployment check is considered too much income.  WTH??? That comes to $1,348 a month.  Who can even find rent at that price?  Plus electric, car insurance, phone costs, education loans, etc., etc., etc.  The agent is sending forms to Miranda to fill out and submit.  DIDN’T WE JUST DO THAT???  Talk about aggravation and frustration!!!

6 Aug 2019 (Tue) – We brought the truck down to Safelite Glass today to have the windshield replaced.  We have had a ding in the passenger’s side since 2015 when we were in Alaska.   It often interfered with the pictures I tried to take through the front window.  This year, we got another ding in the driver’s side of the windshield.  It was time to replace it.  We dropped the truck off and walked up to Main Street. The café we were looking for was no longer there.  We wound up having bagels and coffee at a deli.

     At 3 p.m., I went in to relieve Miranda from childcare duties.  I took Caiden to the playground at the local elementary school playground.  He had a great time!  I told him he deserved an Italian custard at Rita’s.  When we drove there, we found the shop closed permanently! What a bummer.  So we drove a little further down the road and “settled” for Carvel ice cream. Caiden was not disappointed.

     We went to Cavanaugh’s Bar & Grill tonight.  We met Joan & Peter, Pat & Fred, Ginny & Milton, and Johanna & Thom at the bar.  The restaurant had a $14.99 special for a 20 oz. porterhouse steak.  It came with onion rings, baked potato, and a vegetable.  The food was very good.  It was a fun evening.

 4 Aug 2019 (Sun) – We gathered up Caiden and headed off to church this morning.  Paul’s sister and husband, Joan & Peter, showed up at church, too.  After service, we went to the Bayside Clam Bar at the East Islip Marina with cousins Lee & Donna and friends Fred & Pat.  It was a beautiful day on the bay.  I took Caiden down by the docks where we watched folks putting in and taking out boats and jet skis.  He was very impressed with the jet skis.

     After we dropped Caiden off back home, Paul & I drove to Willie’s Appliances, a scratch-and-dent retailer.  We bought a washing machine for the house.  The one in there now has gotten out of balance and dances all over the room during the spin cycle.  When we got home, Paul switched out the two washers.

3 Aug 2019 (Sat) – Yesterday, we took the three grandsons to my sister’s house to swim in the pool and lunch.  It was like trying to keep ferrets in an open-top box.  It couldn’t be done.  They were all over the place and not as obedient as we would have liked. Having additional adults to help out wasn’t enough.  At any rate, I believe the boys enjoyed the swim time and my sister really went out of her way to provide a varied menu for everyone.

      Today, we enjoyed an unplanned adventure.  While scanning Facebook, I came across a posting of a friend who plays in a band.  He advertised that they would be down at the East Islip Marina playing at the Bayside Clam Bar and Grill from 10 to 1.  We went there for lunch.  I had lobster roll and Paul had fried shrimp.  The music was delightful, the bay breeze was balmy, and the sky was blue. It was so nice to sit and listen to the 3-piece band play while watching watercraft (boats and ski jets) come and go.

31 July 2019 (Wed) – I almost wound up in the hospital today. I took a new supplement – a proteolytic enzyme.  Then I took the dog for a walk.  About ten minutes into the walk, the palms of my hands started itching.  At first, I thought it was one of those lucky itches.  You know, the kind where your palm itches and you’re going to come into money (or pay money)?  But then it got intense, almost burning.  My stomach started in next.  Although I got the heaves, nothing was coming up.  I barely made it back to the camper.  Then the vomiting and diarrhea started.  I was so weak, I could barely stand.  I lay there wishing Paul would come into the trailer so I could have him call an ambulance.  The vomiting finally subsided and I lay on the bed trying to recover.  Next, the bottom of my feet began to itch, then my whole body.  As I sat there trying to scratch everything at once, red blotches started breaking out on my legs.  At that point, Paul came into the trailer and realized I was having a severe allergic reaction.  He ran down to the drug store and picked up some benedryl.  That stuff is great!  It worked almost instantly.  For the rest of the night, I sat in the lounge chair nodding in and out.  It was one scary experience!

     We have been busy working around the house.  The men’s softball league at church had the last two games of the season on Monday and Tuesday.  We went down to watch.  Our team lost.

    Both Paul and I went for an annual physical. My appointment was on Monday.  It turned out to be a Medicare Wellness Check. I spent an hour and a half answering questions from a nurse who input everything into the computer.  I could have stayed home and put the information in the computer myself!  What a waste.  The nurse was very apologetic and said that Medicare does not allow for an annual physical exam.  If you want to see the doctor, it has to be scheduled as a follow up to a condition or an illness.  We went to the desk and changed Paul’s status for his checkup the next day.  I made an appointment to come back for an EKG.  I won’t get any bloodwork but Paul did. What a screwed up system!  I was very happy with my health insurance before they forced us to go on Medicare. I can’t imagine what will happen if everyone gets put on Medicare like the current presidential candidates are touting!

28 July 2019 (Sun) – We took Caiden to church with us this morning. Afterward, we stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast.  We couldn’t get any fries (they don’t cook them until noon), so we cut up a pancake and fed it to the gulls.  There has been a significant change in the kind of gulls prevalent on Long Island. There used to be black backed gulls all over the place.  Now we don’t see any.  There are laughing gulls flying around.  I wonder what happened to the gull population.

     When we returned home, we worked around the property.  Paul cleaned out the gutters on the house and garage.  I bundled up branches from the trees Paul trimmed or cut down.  It was so hot.  We were both drenched in sweat.

26 July 2019 (Fri) – We had dinner with my brother, Dennis, and his lady, Denise, at Chili’s Grill tonight.  Dennis is working as an usher at Island 16 and gave us two free tickets. We can’t use them on a Friday or Saturday and are restricted from going to a Disney movie during the first two weeks of a new release.  Otherwise, we can enjoy the movies for free.  That was a very nice gift.

     My sister’s daughter, Jennifer, delivered a baby girl on July 24.  Ava Shea checked in at 8.9 lbs.  I just love that name!

25 July 2019 (Thu) – We drove to Port Jefferson Station and had lunch with Travis and his family.  He gets an hour for lunch and works close enough that he can go home for his noon meal.  We shared McDonald’s while the boys showed off their pool and playing skills.

     At 6:00 p.m. a French bulldog came running into the yard barking and barking.  It wouldn’t let us touch it but it wouldn’t leave either.  The dog honed in on Kenny and when we all stepped away, it walked with Kenny into the backyard where he secured it.  Paul walked up and down the block looking for its owners (it had no collar), but couldn’t find any.  At 6:45 p.m., Miranda and I drove to Bohemia to Maguire’s Comedy Club to watch a comedy laugh-off.  My brother, Dennis, was performing and we went to support him.  We had dinner and drinks.  The food was excellent.  The comedy was hit or miss.  Apparently, comedy is not easy to do.  We left before the show was over at 9:45 p.m.

     When we got home, Paul told me that the woman across the street claimed the dog.  It is not chipped and they take the collar off when they put the dog in its crate. It somehow got out and they didn’t miss it for several hours.  Oh, well. It’s a happy ending any way.

 24 July 2019 (Wed) – It was a busy day today.  First destination was the TSA Pre-Check booth located in a Staples store.  I brought my birth certificate, marriage certificate, and driver’s license.  The clerk took my picture and fingerprints.   The charge was $85 but is good for five years.  What the pre-check does is to allow me to go through the security screening line at the airport without having to take my shoes and belt off, and to leave a laptop in its computer case.  Next, we’ll have to get Paul the pre-check.

     We then drove back to the camper to get Bonnie.  We took her to the vet to see if we could find something that can be done about her chronic diarrhea.  She has also been showing signs of arthritis in her paws.  The vet prescribed Tylan for the diarrhea and gabapentin for pain.  We’ll see if that helps.

     After dropping Bonnie off at the RV, we went to the dentist where I got my teeth cleaned.  Paul had been there on Monday.  He has a small cavity that will need filling.  My checkup was perfect!

23 July 2019 (Tue) - Well, the parents are back.  Whew!  What a week. There is a reason children are best raised by the young folks.  Our 5-year old grandson sure had us running around from dawn to dusk.  Caiden slept in the camper every other night, alternating with his bed in the house.  We went through an incredible heat wave and, at one point, we just stayed in the trailer all day and night.  Poor Bonnie had to be put out every time Caiden came in.  She does not like him and for some reason, she tries to go after him. That breaks my heart because if she ever does bite him, we’ll have to put her down.  

     Ok.  Some of the things we did over this past week.  I saw a doctor at Sloan Kettering in Manhattan.  The doctor said the disease is well advanced and I should have started two years ago when it was first discovered.  She described the same options that Dr. Ahmed in Texas offered – a pill for the rest of my life, an intravenous protocol as a temporary stopgap and going on the pill after a time, and a new treatment whose performance is not yet known.  I asked to have my case transferred to the satellite clinic on Long Island.  If I had to go into NYC, it would drive me crazy! I had to take a train and two subways to get to Dr. Noy’s office.  I don’t know how people can live like that – like cattle being pushed along by all the other bodies traveling underground.

     We took Caiden to the library where he had a great time playing with the toys.  We also went to playgrounds and chased each other around as his imagination conjured up monsters, pirates, and Darth Vadar from Star Wars.  We drove to Port Jefferson Station and picked up our other two grandsons and took all three boys to the movies to see Toy Story 4.  Poor Paul.  Each boy had to go to the bathroom twice.  Paul would take one while I watched the other two, then he would drop that one off and take the next one.  They all had to go in the middle of the movie, too.  While we enjoyed our time with the boys, we certainly won’t try doing that again unless there is at least one adult for each child and an extra grown up for back up.  The energy level is incredible.  It was like trying to keep ferrets in a box.  Can’t be done.  We took Caiden to visit my sister, Susan, in Hampton Bays.  He loved swimming in the pool.

     We were able to go to church last Sunday and this past Sunday. It was so good to see all our friends. The pastor announced our presence and the congregation clapped their greeting.  We enjoyed catching up with everyone.  

20 July 2019 - Haven’t forgotten you!  Just been super busy watching our grandchild while his parents are gone. My blog will be back in a few days.  Thanks for your patience!

12 July 2019 (Fri) – We got a call from our son at 1:30 p.m. that he had been scalded and needed to be picked up.  Apparently, he had tried to open the radiator cap while the car was still hot.  Our truck was in the shop to have the real pinion seal repaired so we borrowed Miranda’s car and drove to Commack to get him.  He had been drinking and refused to go to the clinic with us.  The car was towed away and Travis just walked away. We left and drove to the shop to pick up our truck.  I cooked dinner tonight.

 11 July 2019 (Thu) – We left West Point at 9:55 a.m.  Although the distance to Bay Shore was only 102 miles, it took us three hours with all the traffic on the road.  We pulled in around 1 p.m.  After set up, we visited with Miranda, Kenny, and Caiden.  Kenny drove Caiden and me to Lake Grove where we got their cell phone problems fixed.  We had pizza for dinner.  

 10 July 2019 (Wed) – It was a lot of driving around today with very little results.  First was the KOA in Plattekill.  We were looking for another campground besides the one we are at that is near West Point.  It was a very nice campground.  The manager said he could also coordinate bus tours into New York City as well as the surrounding area.  That peaked our interest!  We wanted to bring the group to the city but didn’t want the hassle of trying to shepherd 44 people around all the people and traffic.  

     We then drove to the U.S. Military Academy.  First stop was at Thayer Hotel Restaurant.  We went in and had lunch, then stopped by the check-in desk to ask for the group sales manager.  The coordinator came down to see us.  Although she wasn’t the one to coordinate our kind of group (she’s does weddings, birthdays, and celebrations), she gave us contact information for the other coordinator.

     We then drove off the base to the Visitor’s Center.  Although there was a tour desk in the center, they told us to go across the street to the Bus Tours Office.  We went over there and were given a website to check out.  It has the various tour options listed.  Then we drove back on base to the West Point Club. The woman we spoke with was on the verge of going to a meeting but gave us a website to check out for menus and various meal options.  We looked at some of the rooms available in the club.

      After wandering around the grounds for a bit and trying to look in some of the buildings (they were almost all locked), we headed back to the campground. So when we get internet again (the cell phone and wifi signal in this campground is almost nonexistent), I’ll have to investigate the options for touring the U.S. Military Academy.

 9 July 2019 (Tue) – We left Watkins Glen at 8:55 a.m. and drove to West Point, stopping for a quick bite to eat at Wendy’s.  We pulled into Round Pond Recreation Area at 2 p.m.  It is a military campground associated with West Point Military Academy.  We had thought it would be good to have the caravan stay here but this campground would not be good for our group.  It is a little too rustic for some folks, the sites are close in some quarters, and the campsites are spread out around a large pond.  In addition, the water and electric hookups are on the wrong side of our RV.  I’m not sure all campsites have that issue, but ours does.  There are no sewers but they do have a dump station.

     Once we were set up, we grabbed the laundry and threw it in the washers in the laundry room.  There were three machines in the room; one had a sticky note on it that said “Ate $2 July 9.”  I surmised that person lost $2 in the machine today.  So we didn’t use it.  

      After we put the laundry away, we took a walk with Bonnie around the lake.  It is very pretty here.  I love all the greenery.  We have been on the west coast for over a year and around desert and cacti.  I didn’t realize how much I missed the trees. It’s lovely.

 8 July 2019 (Mon) – We drove to Corning Glass Museum this morning. They have really expanded the museum since we were here 48 years ago on our honeymoon.  We spoke with the group sales coordinator and got the information for the museum, a tour, a glass making experience, and a catered meal. We then drove down the street to the Rockwell Museum.  Their tour takes 45 minutes to one hour.  We may leave this museum for folks to go to on their own.  We’ll see.

     We drove by a couple of campgrounds and gathered information on availability for group camping.  The town of Watkins Glen campground – Clute Memorial Park & Campground – looked very promising.  They are located across from the beach on Lake Seneca.

     We had lunch at Sorges Restaurant in Corning.  I had a cheeseburger wrap.  It was ok but nothing I would buy again.  We then drove around Lake Seneca, stopping at a couple of vineyards for tastings.  When we got back to the KOA, we went in and got contact information for the owner. We also picked up a few souvenirs for the grandkids.  It was a fruitful day.

7 July 2019 (Sun) – We packed up and left Bath at 10:15 and drove to the Watkins Glen KOA, which was only 40 miles away.  When we pulled in, we recognized that we had been here back in 2007 when we drove up to pick up our first fifth wheel RV.  The part they put us in at that time was brand new. They have added some other buildings and cabins since then.  They wouldn’t let us into the campground until 12 noon.  We had to keep ourselves busy for five minutes then passed through. The wifi in this park is non-existent. In addition, the cell phone does not work well either.  We must be a valley or something.

      After set up, we drove into the town of Watkins Glen.  It is very touristy.  Watkins Glen State Park was packed with people.  We stopped at CPT Bill’s Seneca Lake Cruises to get information.  There was a restaurant next door that is also owned by CPT Bill’s.  We stopped in there as well to find out about group meal options and costs.  After walking along the boardwalk of Seneca Lake, we drove up into the state park to look at the campground.  It was too tight with narrow turns and lots of trees.  It would not work for our group.

     We stopped for lunch at Nickel’s pit BBQ.  I got ribs and Paul got wings.  We didn’t care for either for the food.  It was overdusted with dry rub and actually seemed to be gritty.  After lunch, we drove to Watkins Glen International. It is a NASCAR race track.  In town, they painted the crosswalks in a checker flag pattern.  The street signs have race cars on them.  We had trouble finding an entrance into the park.  After driving around the place, we finally discovered an open gate.  The office was closed.  There were cars racing on the track – we could hear them. There is a campground at the track and we wanted to find out about it.  Finally, we discovered an employee who answered our questions.  He said they only allow camping during special events. Guess that won’t work for our group either.

 6 July 2019 (Sat) – We went into the campground office first thing this morning to get information about group reservations for the caravan. Then we drove to Letchworth State Park. Letchworth is called the Grand Canyon of the East.  It was over an hour away.  Although we thought it was such a great place when we came here 30 years ago, it didn’t look so great today.  You couldn’t really see the gorge or canyons or river because of all the trees.  I guess having just come back from seeing the national parks out west made us a little jaded.  

     We then stopped at a campground near Letchworth to check out the place for the caravan.  They didn’t have everything we wanted for the group so we won’t be camping there.  We had lunch at the Iris Glen Inn.  It was the house of Mr. Letchworth converted to a restaurant.  The upper falls were visible outside the window.  The food was good.  The drive back was under rainy skies.

5 July 2019 (Fri) – We packed up and left Lockport at 9:15 a.m.  We drove 12 miles to a nearby campground to dump the tanks.  The Elks Lodge recommended dumping at the nearby waste treatment plant but when we went to look at the site, it turned out you would just open the spigot over a grate that covers a collection tank.  The cover had bits of toilet paper and other debris on it.  Ugh!

     It was an easy drive to the KOA in Bath.  We stopped at a Pilot station and got lunch at Subway.  The campground is a little tight.  It is pretty big with over 200 campsites.  We are parked on the grass in a pull through. A couple used to be managers at the Watkins Glen KOA and bought this KOA in Hammondsport/Bath in February.  They were selling pulled pork sliders for dinner. The baked beans were too sweet, the cole slaw was bitter, and the pulled pork was very dry.

     After we got set up, we drove to the Glenn H. Curtiss Museum to gather information for the caravan.  We then drove down the road to Bully Hill Vineyards and enjoyed a small snack in the restaurant.  We sat out on the deck and watched a thunderstorm grumble and growl its way across the sky.  Down the road was the Finger Lakes Boating Museum.  Their complex used to belong to Taylor wines.  We were there about 8 years ago and had a wine tasting.  Since then, Coca-Cola had sold the wine division. Sales decreased and Taylor wines were sold to a couple of different owners until, today, only their dessert wines are being sold (Taylor Flagate and Port).  The Taylor Wines complex is now mostly closed with parts of it being sold off.  The boating museum owns one of the buildings and is in the process of buying another two of them.  It will be a pretty big museum in two years.

     We returned to the campground just before the skies opened up and the rains poured down.  Sheba spent several hours hiding in the closet.      

4 July 2019 (Thu-Independence Day) – It was a quiet day for us. We went over Kevin & Joy’s daughter’s home for a barbecue.  Their son-in-law, Justin, made a variety of delicious appetizers to nosh on before grilling hot dogs, hamburgers, and coonies.  Coonies are a popular barbecue food for the upstate folks.  It is a kind of mild flavored sausage.  That led to all of us talking about different foods peculiar to areas around the country.  It was a funny discussion.

3 July 2019 (Wed) – We went to two wineries this morning.  I found wines I liked (the Niagara wine has a wonderfully distinctive taste) but Paul did not find a good one.  We went to Tom’s Diner for lunch.  It was small but the service was good.  We both had salads that were huge!  At 4 p.m. we drove to Buffalo to visit a campground there. With all the information we are collecting, we are starting to form an idea of how we want the caravan to run in the Buffalo/Niagara Falls area.  Since we are thinking about using a tour bus, we want to keep the cost of the campground down.  There are not many nice campgrounds in this area.  Just the two resorts on Grand Island with sites over $100 each.

     We met Kevin and Joy at Texas Roadhouse for dinner.  The food, as always, was great.  We enjoyed their company very much.  They invited us to join them at their daughter’s house tomorrow for a BBQ.

2 July 2019 (Tue) – We drove into Niagara Falls today.  The intent was to find a nice restaurant in which to have a dinner for the caravan.  It was incredibly crowded and there was construction that made navigation around the area difficult.  We got frustrated and finally gave up.  We drove into town and had lunch at the Pearl Street Grille & Brewery.  It was rated #1 of 234 restaurants in Niagara Falls by Trip Advisor.  I don’t know what criteria they used to rate these restaurants, but this was certainly NOT a #1.  There were six booths, two tables, and six chairs at a counter.  They served pub food.  I got Beef on a Weck.  We’ve seen that on several menus now and I decided to try it.  It turned out to be a roast beef sandwich where they dipped the roast beef in au jus then put it on the roll.  It only made the bread soggy (and I HATE wet bread).  The meat also had some grizzle in it.  Paul got a tuna melt and it came without any cheese.  We really didn’t feel the place deserved to be rated #1.

     After lunch, we stopped at the Underground Railroad Heritage Center.  They mentioned Harriet Tubman frequently but had very little about her in the center.  It was very small and basically boasted of how the folks in Niagara Falls helped escaped slaves cross over into Canada.

     We then drove to Youngstown to Old Fort Niagara.  The group tours manager was not in and the clerk gave us her contact information.  We have to call her tomorrow.  When we stepped out, we saw the Buffalo trolley shuttle.  It provides a shuttle from Niagara Falls to Buffalo with 14 stops along the way.  We asked about a tour and the bus driver gave us contact information.  We’ll have to contact that lady tomorrow, too.  

1 July 2019 (Mon) – We brought the truck to Ford to get it inspected this morning.  Kevin & Joy met us for breakfast at Bob Evans.  After breakfast, we went back to the campground where they are parked. After a brief visit, we returned to Ford to get the truck.  There were (supposedly) several lights out that they had to replace.  We paid $139.12 and went on our way.  We drove into Buffalo to the Buffalo Naval and Military Park on the Eric Canal.  They had three ships there: The USS Croaker (a submarine), the USS Sullivans (a destroyer), and the USS Little Rock (a missile cruiser).  There was also a small museum on the second floor of the visitor’s center and gift shop.  We spent three hours climbing up and down stairs as we explored the three ships. It was fun.

     We drove to the Pearl Street Grill & Brewery for a late lunch. The food was excellent.  On the way back to the Elks lodge, we stopped at Lockport Locks & Eric Canal Cruises.  They have a very nice program for lunch followed by a two-hour ride on the canal.  It will be a definite venue if we do the New York caravan in 2021.

30 June 2019 (Sun) – We drove to several campgrounds today to check space availability and options.  Of the four we stopped at, two are possibilities.  One charges $102 per night and the other charges $113.  Yeow! That’s a lot of money.  There’s a possibility we can negotiate prices at one of them because we have to call back to speak with the owner.  

     We also stopped at the Niagara Power Plant to see about a tour.  The manager was out and will be in tomorrow afternoon.  We’ll have to call back.  

     We stopped at a restaurant on Lake Ontario for lunch.  We sat up on the second floor out on the deck.  It was too windy to put the umbrella up but there was a brisk wind blowing that kept the sun from feeling too hot.  As we were eating, there was a sudden CRACK and a tree across the street split.  A large trunk with wide spread branches came crashing down.  How it avoided hitting the power line next to it or the cars parked in front of it, is beyond me.  There was a guy walking his dog in front of that tree not two minutes before.  The angels were watching over everybody.

29 June 2019 (Sat) – We left Youngstown at 8:45 a.m.  Although the sky got cloudy, the rain held off.  The drive took us through Pennsylvania into New York.  We stopped at a travel center when we crossed into New York.  It was crazy!  The place was so crowded.  There was only one facility on the west side of the thruway.  Those on the eastbound side had to cross an overhead bridge.  We each got a slice of pizza.

     We arrived in Lockport at 1:30 p.m.  We are staying in an Elks Lodge in the back parking lot.  After set up, we went in and paid for our site.  At 3:30 p.m., Kevin & Joy, a couple who was on our Utah caravan, met us and we all went to an early dinner.  The food and company was good.  After we returned to the lodge, Paul and I went food shopping to pick up groceries and to Pet Smart for Bonnie’s food.  When we got back, we looked through brochures for activities in the area.

[sarcasmfics]

Stuck In The Middle: Chapter 13

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Variations Thereupon! I a very happy to present chapter 13 of Stuck in the Middle! Read below the break or visit the two below links!

AO3    Series Masterlist    Masterlist

Summary: Sarah is a scholarship graduate student at Stark Industries working on her dissertation. When she falls, both literally and figuratively, for two super soldiers (the DNA of one that happens to be her subject), how do they navigate this new polyamorous relationship? And when her research mysteriously disappears, will she lose not only their trust, but her scholarship and scientific merit? 

Chapter 13

Payload has arrived. Truck entered from east. Three armed hostiles in truck. Unknown number of hostiles inside building.

Steve sighed down at the phone, waiting for a response. He’d been stuck in the small room for over a week now, spying on their movements. The conversation he’d heard in the bar was correct, but the truck that had arrived days before was small. He counted maybe fifteen people who were shuffled from the back of the truck and into the warehouse. This time, however, the truck was larger, and he estimated at least thirty civilians this time. The only people who’d left the warehouse were the two men he’d seen in the bar.

When there was no response on the phone, he sent another message.

Concerned for payload. Currently estimate fifty within target.

He sat back and waited.

Additional intel has arrived. Backup will be sent by 0800 tomorrow. Stand by for further instruction.

Had he not seen the victims walking into the warehouse, he’d feel a bit relieved that he was actually going to do something. His palms itched and he fidgeted in the old chair, fighting the urge to rush in. That couldn’t happen, he told himself over and over again. These people would be rescued shortly after they were sent out on the next transport. It was important to keep the people running this in the dark. But he hated every second he sat, eating the warm stew he’d come to enjoy at the bar, and sleeping under the blanket in the small bed. He kept the picture close to him, perching it against the blinds while he was on watch, and tucked in the inside pocket of his jacket when he wasn’t.

The phone vibrated in his pocket.

Intel confirms Ringleader will be on site in one week. Continue observation. Wait for backup. Do not engage.

Understood

His patience was growing thin, but a sense of relief poured through him; at least they’d be able to stop them soon.

***

Bucky laughed as I playfully slapped his arm, cringing as it hit the metal. I’d hit the wrong arm. Again. “You keep doing that. I don’t know what you think is going to change; it’s still vibranium.”

“Shut up!” I tried not to laugh as I rubbed my hand on my leg. “Where’s Steve? Someone needs to take you down a peg!”

“He’s tried doll. Hasn’t worked and never will.” With that, he threw me a wink and leaned back on the couch, absentmindedly twirling the butterfly knife he’d produced from somewhere in his hands.

“Whatever. I’ll find a way.” He couldn’t take my pathetic threat seriously and chuckled to himself. “So Steve told me something when we went out…”

“Yeah?” I tried (and failed) to push the blush out of my cheeks.

“He said that if I really wanted to learn how to dance, I should ask you.” He paused, considering me for a moment before replying.

“That so?” I nodded. “Should’a seen him back then. Two left feet. How’d he do?”

“He did really well,” I replied. “We danced for almost half the night. My feet were killing me. And no-” I laughed, cutting him off, “he didn’t step on my toes once.”

“Glad to hear your feet came home injury free.” He smiled his usual charming grin, but it didn’t reach his eyes, not all the way.

“What’s wrong?” He shrugged in reply and began cleaning his nails with the knife. “Come on, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid.”

“I doubt it.” He fixed me with his assassin's glare, but it cracked when I stuck my tongue out at him. “Is this about the date with Steve?” He only shrugged, so I climbed onto the couch and curled into his side, propping my chin on his shoulder. “Did you know he talked about you so much? Told me about how you taught him how to dance back before the war. How you’d have a line of girls waiting to dance.”

“Some poor soul would end up dancing with him, but when we’d get back home, he’d stand on my feet and I’d dance for us.” With deft fingers, he closed the knife and slid it back into his pocket. “So I’m guessing you want me to teach you how to dance then? Since you’re being so subtle about it.” Mimicking him, I merely shrugged, but he chuckled and pulled me up so we were pressed together, his hand on my lower back, the other holding one of mine. “Your hand goes on my shoulder, doll.” I didn’t realize I’d grasped his shirt and felt my face grow hot as I adjusted myself.

“Now,” he continued, smirking at my blush, “we’re close together so you can feel where I’m leading you.” With that, he stepped, the pressure of his hip guiding me to follow. He stepped again and I stumbled, but found my footing. “Don’t look at your feet. That’ll throw you off. Just let my movements guide you.” He tried a few more times and I stumbled, earning a few chuckles.

“I’m not very good at this,” I sighed.

“That’s cause you’re trying to lead,” he replied, stepping back toward their entertainment center to turn on some music. A slower song started playing over the speakers and he returned, holding me close once more. “All you have to do is trust me. I won’t lead you wrong.”

Pressing a kiss to my cheek, he shifted and began again, his cheek gently brushing my temple. He started in a slow sway, giving me time to adjust to the rhythm before turning me a bit more, guiding me away from the couches and toward the open area closer to the kitchen. After a bit, I stopped trying to anticipate his movements and just followed, enjoying his closeness as the music filled the apartment.

Dancing with Steve was fun and spontaneous. Dancing with Bucky? There was something more than just the movements or even the proximity to him. When I danced with him, I gave him control. I gave him my trust, and even when I stumbled, his hand on my back and gentle grip on my hand kept me upright and smiling.

I don’t know how long we danced, but when the songs began repeating themselves, he slowed us to a stop. We’d made our way through the apartment, Bucky expertly navigating us through the kitchen, around the carpets that covered parts of the wood floor, making sure I never stumbled or bumped into something.

As I lay in bed that night, the familiar weight of Bucky’s arm resting across my side, something clicked. Steve, though bashful, could tell me things, speak his affections. But Bucky? His affection was in every smile and every touch, and though it wasn’t so direct, I knew that he’d never let me fall; even if I did stumble, he’d be there to hold me up and keep me close.

***

“Miss Branson?”

“Shit!” I jumped, spilling coffee down my lab coat. “Damn it! FRIDAY, give a girl a heads up!”

“I’m so sorry,” she replied. “I wanted to run through some information with you if you had a moment.”

“Can we talk while I clean this up?” She answered the affirmative and I stripped my lab coat off and went in search of the paper towels.

“I’ve noticed some additional entrance and exit times on your keycard for this lab over the past few weeks.”

“Like what?” Just then, my phone ding’d and I left my search for paper towels to see what she’d sent me.

“I’ve sent you the key card activity for the past month. It appears that you’re staying extremely late and even coming in during the night.” Scrolling through, I noticed a few late nights I recognized, but I’d have to read through it more later on. “Why’s it matter? Is Tony unhappy?”

“As part of my programming, I monitor the health and safety of the personnel in the building. Your additional lab hours came to my attention.”

I quickly looked through some of the times on the sheet, pausing at the entrances around 1 and 2am. “I don’t remember coming in so late… no, I think that’s right. I’d just found the first anomaly around then. Alright, yeah this seems like something I’d do.”

“Good to know. I do recommend that you stick to your regular schedule. It’s not safe to work while exhausted.”

“Alright, FRIDAY. I will.” Then, I had an idea. “Hey FRIDAY? Is there any way to give me a heads up so I don’t drop my coffee again?”

“How’s this?” A light bing sounded and I nodded.

“Works for me! Thanks!”

“Not a problem.” She fell silent and I stared down at the spilled coffee on the floor. I had weird hours, and Bucky was right that I’d been sneaking in on Sundays to do some extra work when they were busy. That’s probably all it was, but as I scrolled through the time logs a bit more, I noticed there were a few odd ones that I didn’t remember.

Suddenly, the door opened and Bruce stepped through, glancing down at the coffee, then back to me.

“FRIDAY scared the crap out of me,” I replied and he nodded, chuckling as he got to work.

***

Thank you so much for reading! I’m super excited to start posting more chapters soon as things start getting juicy!!

[fuck-customers]

Few Months worth of BS

So a mix of be hardly getting on tumblr anymore and submissions being closed whenever I am on has caused a pileup of BS stories from both jobs, enjoy. 

Note- Job 1 is gas station cashier, job 2 is Tiny SeaTzars

1. Job 1- it’s like 9am, i’m barely awake and this dude who looks old enough to be my dad comes in. He’s nice enough, pleasant guy, buys his stuff and leaves. Comes back in like 5 seconds later to ask if i’m married. I was 17 at the time so I said “Sir, i’m 17.” and he immediately backpedaled thank the heavens. Creepy enough, yeah? Nope! His first thought was to say “I’m so sorry, it’s just my wife recently passed and I’ve been looking.” To which my manager (my mom) pops around the corner and says “Well you’re looking in the wrong places sugar.” In a lovely tone that screamed “You’re 3 seconds from joining your wife”. He left redder than a tomato and that incident has become a running joke with everyone. 

2. Job 1- Slow day so far, mostly just pissers. (peeps who use the bathroom and don’t buy anything) Dude comes in looking like hell. Fills his own cup up from our fountain and gets pissy when it rings up a whopping $2, says it’s a refill. I tell him we don’t have refill prices. So he goes and switches it out to one of our cups. Then he wants to pay with a card, gets even more pissy when I tell him there’s a $5 minimum on cards, says “that’s bullshit, since when?” Well ever since the card fees aren’t worth it on under $5 purchases, so always. Best part of that is we have LARGE signs on both sides of the door and ON THE FRONT of the fountain machine that say “Due to fees, there is a five dollar minimum purchase requirement on all cards, thank you for your cooperation!” He gets pissed beyond words, my manager tries getting him to calm down, he says “Not right now, you really don’t know the kind of day i’m having.” Things escalated quick and next thing I know he throws his full cup of soda on the floor and stormed out cussing up a storm. I ran after him and got his plate number as my manager called the cops but they couldn’t get anything from it so he’s never been found and ugh. Prick. Prick is all I can say.

3. Job 2- Someone actually called Tiny SeaTzars to ask for the hours of the CFK (backwards) next door. Just… really?

4. Job 2- We have a new dude, on like his second week. If a pizza is expired (been in the box for over an hour) we workers can eat it. Boy he was happy about that. Thing is, he’s almost always eating. Wasn’t working Friday but got told Saturday. It’s about 6pm, y'know, near peak rush hour when we can easily make a $2k hour, and he’s in the back leisurely eating pizza. Everyone else is busting their ass and he’s eating. Makeline dude had to leave his post to get sauce (because SOMEONE wasn’t at his post where he could be asked to get it for him so makeline doesn’t have to LEAVE THEIR POST IN THE MIDDLE OF A RUSH) and found him and chews him out, and thankfully he got a writeup for it. But just??? Bruh what level of stupidity/obliviousness do you gotta be on to see everyone rushing and running around you and think “Oh, time to eat some pizza.” ????

4. Job 1- Lady I don’t know comes up to the pump and sets of the bell that says someone’s trying to get gas. We have some regulars that we just release it and they’re trusted to come in and pay after, otherwise we’re prepay. However, I have never seen this chick before since I’ve worked here so not doing that. I tap her pump on my screen to shut it up and wait for her to come in. She does, all smiles, and says hi. I ask what I could help her with, she gets a confused look on her face and says “I need gas.” and I tell her we’re prepay. Bitch mode starts to wind up and she asks in a pissy voice “Really? Since when?” and I tell her “Since the station opened.” and then she says “Hmph, okay, I’ll talk to Sean (store owner) about that.” and leaves. Like, okay? We’re prepay, you’re not gonna change that by talking to the boss, who will tell you we are prepay. I don’t get people who think they can namedrop my boss to scare me??? Like “I know Sean.” Yeah, he runs a mechanic shop, half the county knows him, your point?? Best part is when they mispronounce his name or get it entirely wrong. “Yeah, me and Shane have been friends since we were kids.” Well good for you and Shane, but that ain’t helping you with SEAN.

5. Job 2- Lady calls in a 10 pizza order to be picked up the next day at 10am. We don’t open until 10:30. I try telling her and she get’s angry but tried meeting in the middle for 10:15. Talked to my managers and they said no way before 10:30. Tell her and she gets so pissed. “For such a big order you can’t get there 15 minutes early to open?” Okay first of all, do you really believe that we get here at 10:30 and open up? What the fuck are we going to sell?? We need to count down the registers, prep the toppings, make sheetouts and stock the hotboxes. We’re here at 6am or better just so we CAN open up at 10:30. We can’t just open the doors at 10:15 because if there’s more customers waiting around we’ll have to serve them when we’re NOT ready because we let you in, and then it snowballs into “well you were open this early yesterday/last week/blahblah” and then we get in trouble. In the end she cancelled her order and asked for corporates number. 

6. Job 2- Sunday after-church rush. Coworker calls in to ask for when he works next. Manager flat out tells him to get up and come check for himself because we can’t stop and look for him right now and hangs up. Seriously dude, literally EVERYONE knows to take a picture of the schedule when it’s posted. You hang around for half an hour before you leave every day anyway so wtf is stopping you from being an adult and taking a picture of your hours?? He called back like three times over the next few hours and we finally slowed down and told him but my god how stubborn and lazy do you have to be.

7. Job 1- Dude and his friend come in, one goes the the bathroom, the other gets some candy (which is RIGHT on the other side of my counter) and then goes looking around the shelves for other stuff. Buddy comes back to pay for gas and other guy leaves. I tell bathroom boy to hold on and I do a quick survey of the shelves find nothing, then go out to their car and see candy snatcher reclined in the seat eating the Reese’s he just took. I tapped on the window and the dude about jumped a foot in the air. I said “So, do you wanna pay for that or should I just go on and call the cops on you for shoplifting?” and luckily the dude doesn’t try fighting it and comes back in and tells his friend to pay for it. Friend is notably pissed and just glares at him. Tells me to just put whatever change is left after the candy in gas and heads out. Sincerely hope his friend at least thunked him in the back of the head for trying, and failing, at being a petty candy thief. 

8. Job 2- Ever since I’ve gotten glasses my eyes have been bloodshot almost a constant 24/7. Eyedrops clear it up for maybe an hour or two. The first few days the “are you high” question and jokes were kinda funny and amusing, but it’s been two months and it’s still going on. I would just stop wearing my glasses but I need them to legally drive (astigmatism in both eyes) so ugh.

9. Job 1- Once again, the station is prepay. It’s written on every pump in very large letters above every handle. Please tell me why these 5 asian guys (I think relevant? They didn’t seem to understand me well so maybe language block?) could not get it through their heads that they have to pay before they get their gas. They come in saying the pump isn’t working, I say we’re prepay, you have to pay before you get it. One of them goes to hand me his card and I ask how much in gas he’d like. Confusion. Ended up having to explain what prepay was (felt like a tool because of it) and they ended up leaving saying “Okay, we go to station down the street.” And I just.. Okay? Every station in the county is prepay but okay, you do you. Honestly this is more of a “I hope I didn’t offend them” than a fuck them thing. Felt bad I couldn’t help them.

10. Job 2- We ran out of green peppers, so one of our supremes is off the menu unless they’re fine with no peppers. Dude calls and wants the pepper supreme. I tell him we’re out of green pepper and he goes into upset toddler mode. 

Him: “Out of peppers, are you kidding me? How does that even happen?!”

Me: “Well, it’s kinda a supply and demand thing, Sir. If it’s a popular topping we’ll run out of it quick.”

H: “How can you run out of peppers it’s a pizza store you’d think you’d be able to tell when to order more of a topping!!”

And we don’t order it ourselves? We take count and tell our District Manager that we need things and he’s supposed to order them for us? (Dumb system I know but it’s what’s in place) 

In the end he asked for a manager and just hung up when he said the same thing. Found out he left a review on google about us. “Horribly unprepaired for the simplest of orders.” okay buddy, take the one star review and shove it up your ass.

11. Job 2- This one girl I go to school with got hired on. She seemed nice enough, we never talked before but apparently she knew me. She’s a decent worker (few nit-picky things, nothing bad) but… She makes me want to hit her sometimes. I get it, you’re trying to be funny/bubbly/joking/whatever, but I don’t know you well enough for you to be making jokes off of my appearance? I’m aware I that have a slightly larger than average head, I don’t like attention being drawn to it, especially randomly? We’re stretching dough and she just randomly says “You got a big ass head you know that? A big ass head.” and laughs. Like… Thanks, it’s not like that was a point of ridicule in the past or anything. And then while we’re washing dishes she gets mad and threatens to beat me for, wait for it, splashing her with water.

At the sink.

While doing dishes.

And she’s too extra with her reactions. Little extra is funny, I admit, but she is over the top. I was washing deep dish pans and a flake of bread flew off and hit her with some water. She spat and did that little “pthptpthpthtpht” thing  for almost an entire minute, then went on to say “We gonna throw hands if you do that again” I just… Kindly shut the fuck up and let me to dishes by myself if you’re gonna be such an extra [word that almost got this post deleted] like that okay? Just kindly fuck off.

I have plenty more but I feel like this post is too long as is. Enjoy my suffering and expect more to come.

[exotahu]

It’s here, the giant Bronycon post!

As per usual I don’t usually make this many words ever so shit might be wonky. and also it was written over the course of a few days so things might not line up in the right order. Also, fair warning I get kinda weird and sentimental at the end there. Also I have no idea if tumblr will break the formatting real bad so heres hoping it doesn’t

Thursday We left early without much incident. Only a group of 4 this time. Me, Andy, his brother Justin, and Andy's girlfriend Sam who was coming in via plane.

It was a really easy journey. Even stopped at the one Speedway with the good hotdogs. I decided to tie a ribbon in my hair too, I always say I should do something more with it than just tie it back. So I figured I'd try it. We got to Baltimore in what felt like no time at all. We checked in and went to our rooms and waited for Sam. I fiddled with my little electric name badge thingy I bought last year. Got it to say my name and Bronycon 2018 with some hearts and sparkles. Once Sam got settled in, we all met back up to go to pre-reg. She and I were afraid we'd weird each other out but we ended up getting along great. We all went to pre-reg and picked up our badges. Then, after dropping our stuff off at the hotel we ventured back out into the inner harbor for food and hanging out. We opted not to go to Dick's this time, opting instead to go to Tir na Nog. Got my usual pub food. The Vodka cranberry (yes even though I planned on drinking later) and the plain cheese burger. I like to eat the same thing at all the places, because I think it's neat to see the same food through the different lenses of different restaurants. Tir na Nog in Baltimore is different than O'Toole's in Albany is different from Jack Astor's in Toronto. After that we went to the big Barnes and Noble and looked at books and stuff. Then we all went to that ice cream shop thats right next door. They sell tea apparently so I got a small one. Missed the regular size straws so I had a huge straw (Like a goddamn footlong) in a tiny cup (like 3 inches). We went to the bars in Fells point after that. We only got slightly lost, but we found it. We didn't register for the actual bar trot, cause you don't really have to to enjoy drinks. We went to the Dog's Watch Tavern first cause they usually have a good shot, which in this instance was a Pinkie Pie shot. Don't know what was in it but I had several. We went to the Admiral after that. It was the best as it usually is. I think I drank like, 4 of the Trixie, there was a Sunset Shimmer drink (But it was secretly the Applejack. I liked it anyway). And I had most of a Rainbow Dash drink. I must say, I absolutely adore the atmosphere at this bar. The bartender is great and clearly loves what he does. A couple people recognized me cause I sit in the same spot more or less every time, and the goggles that I wear. That was pretty neat. Got pretty drunk, decided to go back after that to prep for the next day. We got a little bit lost on the way back too, but it brought us by the CVS so I bought a couple boxes of PopTarts. We got back to the hotel and went to bed.

Friday

Tried to get up for opening but missed most of it. Caught the tail end of it though. Sleep deprivation got me, plus the buttload of alcohol didn't really help. Hung out in the harmony plaza til the apple family panel. There was a photoshoot that happened but there wasn't a ton of people there. Saw apple family VA panel. It was pretty funny. Went to the vendor hall and walked it to get the layout, I didn't want to just chaotically walk around and not know where anything was so I strictly just walked each isle in a pattern. Actually helped me remember where booths were. I spoke to an artist about getting a comission for a friend who couldn't make it. His slots were full for the day so I figured I'd come back Saturday. I bought an original piece from him, which was actually pretty cool. I then went to the comic booth. I am trying to get at very least the A and B covers for every comic, Plus I wanted first prints of the first issue mane 6 covers. I got the first prints of the two #1 issues I needed. Then I got invited to Jonny Rockets, and due to needing to finish something in the vendor hall it took me a little bit. My friends are cool and waited for me even though I went on one hell of a journey to get there. So I got out of the vendor hall which exited by the Hilton sky bridge. Figure, shit I'll just take the sky bridge on the opposite side so I go for it. Get out there, pass the other hotel (hyatt?) and what used to be a wide open plaza. (Now it's a parking lot). Realize the goddamn thing ends there and there is no way down (unless I went back through the convention center and all the way back around), and more of the bridge is missing. Figure I don't want to walk all the way back so I go through the hotel. No idea if I was supposed to go through that door cause it looks like there were unused decorations everywhere. Nobody stopped me so I made it out to the street. Realize I still have to walk to the corner to cross, but say fuck it and randomly cross in the middle to the street island thing. Then I almost died to a puddle walking on the sidewalk behind some food trucks. Caught myself though. Finally I get there and we hang out and get a burger. On our way back I managed to drop a Pokemon on the Bronycon gym. We went back to the vendor hall. Hung out and looked at stuff. Me an Sam went shopping for pillows. We each bought one, only the case though. Had no space to store the full whole thing.  We went to the whoves line pannel after that. It was really funny, especially the bit where they acted like the friendship map was a computer that got a ton of viruses and went to a "bad dragon" website. I am surprised I've never gone to it before. We went to Jimmy Johns for dinner and then dropped our stuff off at the hotel and headed to the palooza. The performances were great, although they somehow got super off schedule. I bought a Shake-Ups CD. I stayed until the end. I enjoy the palooza immensely, but those 2AM nights are rough. My legs end up being noodles and its a guarantee I won't get to bed until atleast 330. Which is about when I went to bed.

Saturday

Had a bit of a slow start but I wanted to speak to the artist about that comission for my friend who couldn't make it. Even though I was slow, I still got there early enough. The thing he wanted would have been too complex, so I came up with something I think he'll like. Then I went to the comic booth and figured out what I needed to complete the A and B covers for the main comic series. It was cool cause they just let me into the booth to look. I believe I've done it, I just have to add everything to my app to make sure. I ran out of space in my comic storage, so I only did the main series. Next year I will buy for the side series. (There is a lot less). As of typing this out, I found the shop's location. Only a 3 hour drive. Might make a trip of it so I don't have to worry about it at next year's con. Dunno. Met back up with Andy and Sam in vendor hall. We looked around before leaving to get food and make a hotel drop. We got lunch at the JJ before heading to the script reading panel with Tabitha. Usually they're pretty strict about recording at these. Usually one of the staff says something about my camera, but nobody said anything. Or mentioned not recording it at all. I wonder if anyone uploaded it. It was about the mane 6 and a convention called "boomycon" which was about an alt. universe Derpy as a comic character who rides a meteor or something. The comic characters crossed over into the regular universe and shenanigans ensued. It was pretty funny. After that we went back to vendor hall to check on something, and I bought another of those dang pillows, and these weird flow rings, plus some other small stuff, including some super fucking adorable chibi-ball plushie things of Fluttershy and Tempest (Pretty sure I posted pictures). We made a hotel drop and got food. We tried to get into the DIY pony plush making but ultimately the wait list was too long. At this point we went to the sky terrace thing. Apparently there was a wedding, which is really fucking cool! Then we just found some chairs to just kind of chill in. Justin had a mini-pizza that came in a mini-pizza box. We're just sitting there talking and some guy came up and leaned over. We all thougt maybe he had left something. Then we notice he's signing the empty pizza box? He then just says you're welcome and leaves. It took a second then we realized... It was MA Larson. Fucking hillarious. I went back to the hotel again, meeting up with a friend on the way back. Met back up with everyone else at the palooza after that.  Brought the rings I bought and was playing with them, while doing my awkward-ass flail dancing. A couple people thought they were cool which was neat. I really enjoyed all the performances. A cover of 500 miles happened, Eurobeat was fantastic. Great show. I caught a T-Shirt that was thrown. (Which never happens ever and even though it's a small size it still fits.) Again I stayed until 2 AM, got to bed about 330.

Sunday Sundays are usually always the chill day where not much happens. Woke up around the usual time and headed over to the vendor hall. I wandered and bought some last minute things (Pillow #3...). I met back with everyone else around noon. We spent most of day in vendor hall just hanging out. One thing I did, was get a comission of my pony OC. I've been wanting to for years, just to say I had so I finally did it. I'm looking forward to it. Also saw a little digital badges that you could store pictures in. After that we went to the fountains to hang out before lining up for closing ceremonies. They opened with a nifty performance by Step2Harmony. Some of the guests said their farewells before the con chairs started talking about the numbers, a little more than 5000 people. (I don't remmeber the exact number, might have been closer to 5600?). After that was a skit involving the mascots. Blank Canvas got accepted into an art school and Hoof Beatz was going on tour, and the date they were leaving was the end of August next year. They run off stage and Mane Event just stood there like "What about us... : (" Scene end. Sure enough, the con chairs came back out and annouced that next year is going to be a 4 day event instead of a 3 day event. They also anounced that next year is going to be the last Bronycon and that they are ending the event in 2019. You could feel the moment where everybody's hearts broke. There were a lot of people crying. I was pretty choked up too, and I'm honestly not sure how I kept myself together. We walked back to the hotel. While we were waiting for the elevators, you could tell the mood was pretty sombre. Dropped off my bag and went back down to the lobby to wait for Andy and Sam. We all headed down to the inner harbor to go to Bubba Gumps. We had a hour and a half wait, that we spent hanging out in the harbor and the pavillion. One of them seemed to be closed this year. They seem to get smaller and smaller each year. Bubba Gumps as always was fantastic. I got the usual Shrimper's Heaven. Even got to eat the shrimp that Sam didn't eat. Bonus shrimp! Spent 60$ on my check and regret nothing. We went back to the hotel with the intent of playing some Shipfic in the one banquet room the hotel usually has open, which we did! Another group played the pony movie which was neat. We also saw an Insomnia Cookies down in Fells Point so we decided to order some. It took a little more than an hour. But I got the call and they showed up to the hotel and handed me a very warm box. The cookies were fantastic. Every bit worth the wait. I think I have one somewhere relatively close to my home but I'm nowhere near the delivery radius. Probably a good thing because I would go broke buying cookies. They're pretty awesome. Some guy had also had a baby skunk! No idea how he pulled that off or how the hotel was cool with it but it was really cute. Once the movie ended most of the people left. After that we went back to our rooms. Me and Sam got a group picture of all the pillows we bought. I packed most of my stuff after that and went to bed.

Monday.

Woke up, got the car all packed and cleared the rooms pretty quick. We had thought to do some other stuff, but we really didn't have time. Instead we went to Tir na nog and just hung out until we had to leave. Any day you can be mildly drunk before noon and have it not be a problem is a good day. We dropped Sam off at the airport after saying our goodbyes. We hit the road after that and started our journey home. Which was honestly fairly uneventful. No one's windsheild broke. No one's catalytic converter got stolen. We made a couple of stops but nothing really interesting. Got home way earlier than I'm used to. Like 5:30-6PM. And then I realized, Bed, Bath and Beyond was still open. So I drove out there to get the actual pillows for the pillow cases. Found the exact ones the guy at the booth I bought them from. They were on sale, so they were only 20$. Then I had the fun time of fitting 3 hugeass pillows in my really tiny car. Got back home and finished unpacking.  

Conclude:

I had a really good time this year. It was very a relaxing trip and I enjoyed spending time with everybody. It never quite feels long enough. I didn't make any real attempt at cosplaying this year. Just didn't really feel into it. I did wear my Sylveon ears that were given to me by a friend though. And I had my goggles, which are just kind of a thing now I guess. I tied a blue ribbon in my hair too. I never do anything with it and I guess I decided now was the time. I think I'm going to do that more often from now on. Next, I am beyond incredibly sad that next year is the last one. Bronycon has been one of the big things I look forward to doing each year. It's easily been one of the best cons I've ever been to. The atmosphere was great, the staff was great. The con ending will also mark the end of a 12 year tradition for me of going down to Baltimore for a con. The only year I wasn't able to go to was 2010 because there was just no way I was going to be able to swing it. Aside from that, I went to Otakon from 2006 until 2012. I had honestly kinda burned out on that though and wasn't sure if I was gonna go back, but it would be shortly after returning from the 2012 Otakon, Bronycon announced that they were gonna move to the Baltimore Convention Center in 2013. Some other friends were interested in going, and since I knew the area so well, we decided to go for it. I went every year after that. Hell, it's how I ended up meeting Andy (which is a pretty funny story all on it's own), it's also how I ended up recconecting with another friend of mine from way back in the day as well as others. There were good times and adventures to be had outside the Con as well. Bubba Gumps, the bar trot in Fells Point(that goddamn Trixie drink, looked like something I'd never have been able to drink, but it is easily my favorite alcoholic drink that has ever existed. I really hope I can get the recipe next year), the bigass barnes and noble, the aquarium, the pavillion. It seems like every year it gets better and I've never felt bored of it or burned out. I am going to miss this immensely, I suppose I'll have to find another con to go to, or atleast other adventures to have but one thing is for sure, I'm never going to forget any of this. All the good times that we've had, or this big thing I've been a part of or this place that has brought me so much joy over the years.

(Once next year ends and I walk out of that convention center for the last time, I am going to be a complete goddamn mess. It's going to be a terrible day for rain...)

Also, though I don't know if you'll ever read it, as I don't think we've spoken in several years now, to the person who convinced me to go to that first Otakon back in '06, Thank you. For introducing me to this place, and setting off a real wacky series of adventures. I don't know if any of this would have happened if you hadn't convinced me to come down here all those years ago. Once again, thank you, and I hope you're doing well.

tl;dr Good fuckin' con, but Pete fuckin' sad.

[imusedtoitipromise]

I feel like I’m generally pretty good at beginning posts but this one I’m struggling with. There’s no easy way to broach the subject or ease into it, so I guess I’m just going to go for it. 

I had an abortion

I’m in no way shape or form embarrassed or upset with my decision. In fact, I knew that this was the absolute right choice for me. What I am worried about is that it’s a very touchy subject. I know that different people have different beliefs and I think I’m mostly afraid of upsetting someone else. At the end of the day, it was my decision. I’m happy, I have no emotional attachment to the situation, and I can only hope that writing about my experience and help others. When I set out to find information about both procedures I had a very hard time finding personal stories and experiences.

You know how when you get that feeling? The feeling that maybe something is off, something bad is going to happen, or you know that your gut instinct is right? I just knew. My period is very regular. It always has been, ever since my fist one when I was 10. My best friend and I generally have very close cycles. We do this dumb thing where we send each other the same emoji 3 times with confetti. This means, “hurray! I got my period, I’m not pregnant.”  Except neither of us had sent or received our special coded message. I messaged her and she said “oh yeah, I just forgot to send it. I’m 3 days in.” That’s when I knew.

That evening was filled with anxiety. I suppose it started to make sense why I had been so damn tired recently. Why I was a bit more sensitive than normal. Which, I suppose does fluctuate due to the whole Bipolar 2 situation. The next day was Saturday. Now I usually spend the weekend at my partners house. I usually come over Friday after work and then I leave Sunday afternoon. That Friday I just happened to be too tired from work and due to it being a 40-50 minute drive I just stayed home. The next day I went to his house. We planned to go to the Zoo. I felt like I was more quiet than normal. It was also very hot outside. The other zoo guests were terrible people in general. (I ended up alerting their guest services area that there were some teenage boys harassing the goats, if that gives you an idea of how people were behaving.) We fed the giraffes, walked around, looked at most of the animals and then left. 

Before I arrived at his house I stopped at a grocery store and bought a few things, among those was a boxed pregnancy test, which contained two tests. The box advertised that it gave early results, which I’m sure is very helpful if you’re trying to conceive. After we got home from the zoo we kind of hung out. I was very quiet and I’m sure I had a concerned look on my face. At some point he asked if I was okay. “Soo my period is late and I think I might be pregnant.” I was absolutely terrified of telling him. Now, he and I had discussed what we both wanted in our lives, politics, beliefs, and what not in the past. We’re more or less on the same page for everything, including not wanting children. I knew he would have the same feelings about abortion that I did. I was afraid of him deciding he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was afraid of him deciding he was done immediately and that was that. I told him I bought the test and that I was afraid to take it. He said it was going to be okay.

I sat on the bed for a few more minutes and said “okay well... I guess I should go do the thing.” I went to the bathroom, read the instructions 3 times, and then took the test. I was too afraid to look, so I flopped on the bed and I asked him to look for me. I feel like at this point I already knew. He walked in to the bathroom and once he returned he very calmly said “there’s two lines.” This means the test was positive. It was confirmed that I was pregnant. I told him about my fears and that I was afraid to tell him. He held me close and said that none of those things would happen. He took the news so calmly and it was such a huge relief. We played a few video games, cooked dinner, and then I took another test several hours later. It came up positive immediately, as in less than a minute. I came back to the living room area, sat on the floor, and just cried. He held me, assured me everything was going to be okay, and then we began to look at our options. 

Because it was now Saturday night we couldn’t make any phone calls so we did all of our research online. We found out that there were two options- Medical (pill) and Surgical (surgical procedure performed by a doctor in an office) After reading about both online I decided that I wanted to have the surgical procedure. The pill had way more potential and longer lasting side effects. The stories I had read were not very positive and due to my already high anxiety, I decided I would feel safer at an actual doctors office. The procedure would be over 1,2,3 and that was that. 

I spent all of Sunday sleeping with the exception of a few hours of being awake  for dinner. We decided to make a list of all of the things to ask my insurance company and Planned Parenthood. I slept probably until 3 pm on Monday afternoon. I ended up calling PPH first, they said that they do take insurance, to call my provider, and ask about elective abortions. The insurance told me they covered the procedure. I called back PPH, gave them my insurance information, and booked my appointment. They told me that they would call me 24-48 hours before the procedure and give me the total cost.

I ended up staying at his place until Tuesday. I came home told my roommates what was going on and let them know that he would be staying with me for the weekend and that I would be taking a medical leave. My appointment was scheduled for Friday at 1:20pm. The week felt like it crept by, being constantly tired didn’t help the situation, either. My partner came over Thursday night. I barely slept and I was beyond nervous. However, there was a problem, we never heard back from PPH about the cost. We decided to call them. It turns out they actually didn’t accept my insurance so the procedure would cost $595. That was money that neither of us had to spend so we decided to make a few more phone calls and do some more research.I also set up my short term disability and medical leave. We ended up finding a clinic that was much cheaper even though they didn’t accept insurance. Our new appointment was set for 10:30 the following day, which was a Saturday.

Saturday morning I woke up and was beyond nervous. We arrived at the clinic and there were a few protesters. I wasn’t phased by them even though they were relentless. One of the women said “oh your mother must me so proud of your decision.” my response was “your mother should have swallowed”. I was quite pleased with that. We made it inside and it was PACKED. I began my paperwork. 10 minutes after signing in they called me back for a urine test. They never told me what order things were going to be happening in. Every place that offered these services said to plan on being at the clinic for roughly 3-5 hours. I returned to my paperwork, nervously filling it out. 10 more minutes and I was called back again. This time they were taking my blood pressure, heart rate, my iron levels, and checking to see if my blood was Rh negative or positive. My blood is Rh positive (if you have negative you have to have a short in order to have a successful pregnancy) my iron levels were good. My blood pressure is always fantastic, thankfully. Though, they had to check it twice because my heart rate was roughly 128bpm due to the anxiety. 

I returned to the waiting room finishing my paperwork, I turned it in to the window and they told me to have a seat. An hour later they called me back for the ultrasound. They couldn’t find anything because the pregnancy was so early, around 4-5 weeks. The ultrasound technician made me feel pretty stupid. I also found out my uterus is flipped downward which also made it harder to detect anything. She told me that I would have to have a vaginal ultrasound or I could come back in two weeks. 

I went back to the waiting room and then I was called back again. I assumed this is when the procedure would be happening. They would not let my partner come back with me and this made my anxiety even worse. Fortunately this was just the consultation. The nurse that helped me was amazing. She was so patient and kind. She explained EVERYTHING that I had questions about. She really went above and beyond by taking her time with me. After talking with her I decided that I would like to have the Medical (pill) procedure, especially because my partner could not be with me for any of the scary parts. The next step was to wait for the doctor to arrive.

They told us the doctor would be coming from a city that its roughly an hour and a half away at most. We decided to go and get something to eat. I wasn’t very hungry so we just went to get some donuts and an icee. We also got to stop at a very important memorial that commemorated a horrible act of hate. It was my first time seeing the memorial since the event two years ago. It really filled my heart that there was an abundance of love there. You could just feel it. 

We arrived back at the clinic 30 minutes later and the doctor still hadn’t arrived. It was probably close to 2:30. To spare you all the details we waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, on the doctor. I wasn’t seen until 5:30, which is fine. Only 7 hours after the initial appointment. I finally see the doctor. He does the ultrasound, finds the pregnancy, and he told me how the pills work. He gave me a note excusing me from work for 3 weeks, due to the post procedure instructions. I took the first pill, which stops the pregnancy and was instructed to take the other pills to expel everything 24 hours later. I was also prescribed percocet for the pain. The doctor said because it was such an early pregnancy, the abortion would feel like a strong period. He prescribed me birth control and asked if I would like a copy of the ultrasound. I said yes, took my things, and was on my way.

We stopped to get food, went back to my partners house and I just fell asleep. I’ve done a lot of sleeping in the past week and a half. I ended up sleeping through the night. We ended up leaving his house around 3pm. We stopped at the pharmacy, dropped off my medical leave paperwork, and then made our way to my place.

I cleaned up the kitchen and my room. I also put my bedding in the wash. Around 5pm I took the percocet and at 5:30 I put the misoprostal in between my cheeks and my gums and let them dissolve. They tasted like bitter, chalky, paper. Within 25 minutes was in excruciating pain. I can absolutely say that it was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I went to the bathroom and told my partner that I wouldn’t be locking the door in case I needed him. 5 minutes after I had been in the restroom I messaged him and asked for water. At this point I was sitting on the toilet doubled over in pain. I thanked him for the water and he left. A few minutes later I messaged him with the word “help”. I was in so much pain I couldn’t speak. The most I could stammer was “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

He brought a small portable fan into the bathroom and made sure it was blowing on me. He sat on the edge of the tub and held my hand. The door was left open and my sweet dog came in and placed his head on my arm. He also didn’t leave my side. I ended up getting off the toilet and laying on the floor. I was whimpering in pain and trying to breathe through it the best that I could. I eventually got up and made it into my room. I curled into a ball on my bed, continuing to breathe and whimper through the pain. I also asked for a cool wet wash cloth for the back of my neck and that seemed to help. He got me another percocet, made sure I had something to drink, and made sure I was as comfortable as I could possibly be. I ended up going in and out of sleep. 

The evacuation process did not being until about 3 hours after I had taken the misoprostal. I mentioned that I wish I had something bland like crackers. I eventually decided on wanting soup so he left to get me some. Shortly after he left the pain got VERY intense. I went into the bathroom and that is when the evacuation process began. The cramps came back in waves and while they were strong, they were nowhere near as bad as they were in the beginning. I’m sure taking more percocet helped with that tremendously. He was gone for roughly 20 minutes and by the time he returned the miscarriage had happened. I laid back in bed, he brought my fan in, and I slept for a bit longer. 

I woke up about 30 minutes later and relocated to the couch to eat my soup and we watched some TV to take my mind of everything. I was finally feeling much better, but I still felt very hazy. Around 1:30 he made my bed, made sure I was comfortable and we went to sleep. He woke me up the next morning, made sure I took another percocet, and then I fell back sleep.

I woke up several hours later and was finally feeling more like myself. All in all I have no emotional attachment to the abortion itself. I have no remorse, no guilt, and I 200% know I made the right decision.  I’m glad we had this option available. Even though it was painful for a few hours I’m glad I went through with this. I think if he could have come with me and I was further along I would have chosen the surgical procedure. The clinic itself was just okay. I wish the doctor would have been more punctual but I’m glad it’s finally over and done with. 

This whole experience ended up being very positive for me. I think a great deal of it had to do with having a partner who supported me every step of the way, didn’t leave my side, and made sure I was as comfortable as possible. Also knowing that this was exactly what I wanted to do made a big difference as well. As far as post procedure goes, I’m not having heavy bleeding or extreme cramping. If anything I’m happier and I feel like a stronger person as a whole.

[pleasedotheneedful]

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I was wondering if the program you decided to leave was your first choice of residency? I’m a third year med student and worried that I will match to one of my top choices next year, and then realize it’s not a great environment.

This post wasoriginally way too long, so I broke it down into a series. Then I realized abunch of people won’t read all that shit, so I crunched it down more.

My former program occupied the top slot on myrank list, and I did think it was a solid program… but it was at leastpartially due to outside circumstances. Hindsight is of course 20/20, but Iwouldn’t recommend orchestrating your rank list this way.

The thing to keep in the back of your mind at all times is this: the main purpose of a residency program is to make you proficient in your specialty. Nothing more, but certainly nothing less.

My general advice: Go with your gut. Theprogram that you can’t stop talking about, the one in your favorite city, nearyour friends/family, with all the neat amenities you care about, with residentsand a PD you loved, with outstanding ancillary staff and facilities… that’swhat you rank #1. Odds are, by the time you hit the end of interview season youalready have a good idea of where these programs fall.

What I can add specifically:

1.

Figure out your needs

, anddon’t assume you’re a one-size-fits-all person. Each of us thrive in differentenvironments, and it’s important that you find one that’s right for you. As Iwrite this at the end of January, hopefully you’ve figured that out already. Iapparently had to go through 3 months of residency to figure it out.2. Make sure every program youranked

covers the basics… take nothing for granted.

You get that fucking samplecontract and if you don’t see it, you ask for it. It’s an NRMP

and

an ACGME institutional requirement(see IV.A.3). It should be easily accessible, either paper, flash drive, or asimple electronic link with details.

In that sample contract,you should at least be able to find:

Your salary, and how it is defined

Other stipends(educational, technology, conference, research, food)

Vacation time (may or may not include conference attendance, butyou need to know)

Non-vacation leave time (maternity/paternity, sick, etc) 

Malpractice coverage                                                         

Health insurance (and whether this includes vision/dental) 

After the match, your program is supposed to provide you your actual contract with these details. If they don’t, ask. If they give you the run around, alert the ACGME and consider bailing (which you would likely be fine doing if it turns out your program committed a match violation). You do not want to fuck around with ambiguity. 

Ask theresidents about this stuff, too. If anything seems odd, ask them if you missedsomething and if not, how do they manage?

3. Read the codedlanguage. Programs are putting their best foot forward, just like you. So they’llrave about things they like, and they’ll give a lukewarm response to thingsthey really don’t like/that aren’t there.

Example: Iasked several programs about their commitment to residents’ families.

Program A: Yeah, we always find a way to make that work.

Program B: One of my residents is giving birth soon and I keepasking her to take more time off, but she won’t. So I’m designing aneducational curriculum for one of my residents so she can stay at home an extramonth with her kid.

Both positiveresponses, one clearly shows more dedication and effort than the other. “Wealways find a way to make that work” may not be a lie, but it doesn’t mean it’smet with enthusiasm. Programs that begrudgingly help you are not healthy placesto work.

This language applies toevery aspect of a program… the EMR, social work effectiveness, opinions of theprogram leadership, etc. I could give tons of other examples.

4. Residentwellness. This is the trendy thing in medicine right now. Unfortunately,implementation varies and often means fuck all. Many of these wellness programsplace the responsibility of being alive and well solely on the resident. We doown responsibility for our well-being but all the yoga, ice cream, and grouptherapy in the world can’t fix the depression caused by a broken system.

True wellnessis in the program/institution design: monthly/weekly/daily/call scheduling,didactics, salary, mandatory meetings, functional EMR, receptive leadership, averageweekly duty hours, etc.

Really make sureyou understand these things, especially the scheduling aspect for the mostcommon rotations. Don’t assume, ask residents. This is going to be your lifefor at least three years.

Example: 

Good wellnessinitiatives are resident-driven. Ask about how much resident input is turnedinto real change, and get examples.

5. Interview dinners can tellyou a lot without a word being said.

What percentageof the residents attend? This says a lot about how busy they are that the majorityare stuck in-house late and/or how many are enjoying the program enough toattend a recruiting dinner.

Are there a lotof faculty there?

This is neither good or bad, but take it in context.

Is the interviewdinner in a neutral site? Is it at the PD’s house?

I can tell you that I didn’tmeet any disgruntled residents or anyone who had bad experiences until I was a monthinto my intern year.

The people who are frustrated with their program leadershipdon’t come to the PD’s house for a recruiting dinner. (I sure as fuck don’t,though I get invitations to do so every Sunday.)

6. When you askabout ancillary staff, don’t just ask if they exist.

Ask how effective theyreally are

.

There is nothing more disappointing for an intern than socialworkers who work M-F until 2pm.

When they’re gone (if you can find them) guesswho figures out all the discharge shit? Have fun leaving at 10pm on a regularbasis.

7. Imagine none ofthe screening you just did matters. What external supports are there to helpyou carry on?

Friends outside of the program? Family?

If they’re not close, arethey easy to get to? Is there a major airport nearby or are you in the middleof nowhere?

Easy access to your personal hobbies/interests (water, music, guns,art, dogs, etc)?

Enough provider options to maintain your healthcare? To handle your mental health?

You can’t relyon a program being supportive to maintain your sanity. It’s too risky. Andwhile this all might shake out for the better, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Thisexperience probably took years off my life.

In fact, italmost ended it.