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aboveallarescuer · 4 years ago

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Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 3.10: Mhysa (& 5 things to understand why Dany's character and storyline matter)

In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.

I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.

Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.

This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).

In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.

Because I'm about to review one of the most controversial scenes in show!Dany's journey, I think it's important to take a holistic look into her character and storyline first. So, before I start talking about what happens in the episode itself, I am going to address five key things that need to be understood in order to fully appreciate Dany's character and storyline in the books:

Dany's abolitionist crusade's humanitarian importance.

Dany's character motivations.

Dany's background and identity.

Dany's storyline's historical inspirations.

A holistic view of ASOIAF in order to avoid double standards against Dany.

Ultimately, the show writers didn't understand any of these points, which informs their mistakes in their adaptation of Dany's storyline in this episode and beyond.

1) Dany's abolitionist crusade's humanitarian importance

Time and again in the books (particularly in ASOS and ADWD), GRRM reinforces that slavery is wrong by displaying what became normalized during the thousands of years it persisted. Examples include:

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to say that the Unsullied aren't men and to take measures to dehumanize them.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to force five-year-old children to train every day from dawn to dusk, to the point of only one in three surviving such harsh conditions.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to force the Unsullied to stand for a day with no food or water to prove their discipline and strength.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to change the Unsullied's names every day so that they lose their sense of individuality.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to force the Unsullied to go to the slave marts to kill a baby before its mother's eyes to prove that they are not weak.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to make the Unsullied drink the wine of courage to feel less pain and endure any torture, such as having their nipples cut off.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to give the Unsullied puppies only to kill them a year later (and, if they don't, they are fed to the surviving dogs).

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to casually whip people when they mildly annoy them.

Astapori slavers thinking that it's okay to send a girl of nine to kill bulls and to send three small boys (one rolled in honey, the other in blood and the other in rotting fish) to confront a bear in the fighting pits.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to leave the Astapori starving, which led them to eat cats, rats and leather.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to hunt down the Astapori and burn the entire city.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to open a slave market.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to whip people until there is only "blood and raw meat" in their backs.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to command two dwarves to breed.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to force a teenage girl to be naked publicly so that they can sell her at a better price.

Yunkish slavers thinking that it's okay to actively spread the bloody flux through Meereen by throwing infected corpses.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to burn the fields and crucify one hundred and sixty-three children to intimidate Dany.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to target and murder freedmen to intimidate Dany.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to pay freedmen low wages and then complain a) about how there are too many beggars, thieves and whores in the city or b) about how the rights and customs of the craftsmen's guilds should be respected.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to reopen the fighting pits and abuse the freedmen for the nobility's entertainment.

Meereenese slavers thinking that it's okay to send two dwarfs to "fight" against a lion.

Meereenese nobles thinking that it's okay to scourge and rip out the tongues of people who disagree with or know something that it's convenient for them.

And this list only covers human rights abuses that take place in Slaver's Bay (which was the center of slave trade until Dany's arrival). Unfortunately, slavery is so widespread that it helped to build almost the entire continent's economy. The Dothraki and the corsairs of the Basilisk Isles enslave and sell people from different lands to Slaver's Bay. In Volantis, it's estimated that four of every five men are slaves. People from multiple places of Essos are sold into slavery, from Slaver's Bay itself to Qarth to the Dothraki Sea to Lhazar to the Free Cities.

In such an oppressive and devastating scenario, Dany's abolitionist campaign is essential to guarantee that people are no longer desensitized to and systematically allowed to dehumanize others. In-universe, that's why the vast majority of the former slaves love her and why later we get an entire storyline showing what the slavers would do if Dany chose not to be as forceful as she was in ASOS. Doylistically speaking, that's why her actions against the slavers are linked to her upcoming part in the War for the Dawn and to her messianic role as Azor Ahai (as this edit and its quotes excellently illustrate): Dany's war is one that should also involve all of humanity.

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

They may have succeeded in depicting the amount of brutality and suffering that comes with the training of the Unsullied, but, in light of the show's ending, I think that was accomplished mostly because they were interested in shock value rather than in making the audience recognize that show!Dany's crusade was altruistic at its core. This was clear in their interviews: instead of focusing on how vital Dany's actions were to promoting human warfare, Benioff focused on her so-called ruthlessness and ambition when he talked about why she sought an army in Astapor and Weiss focused on her capacity for cruelty when he talked about her attack against the Astapori masters. I've already addressed in which ways these statements about Dany are inaccurate (and detrimental to the understanding of her storyline) in my reviews of episodes 3.3 and 3.4, so I won't belabor the point; instead, I'm only bringing them up here to emphasize that D&D were never (fully) aware of the humanitarian importance of Dany's crusade. That's why they didn't add the moment where Dany says she remembers what it was like to be sold and feel afraid. That's why they didn't show the Unsullied choosing not to side with the slavers when Dany gave them another option. That's why they didn't include the Astapori freedmen who chose to follow Dany in their adaptation. That's why they didn't remember that Dany's main problem prior to the battle of Yunkai was to find a way to take the city and spare freedmen's lives at the same time. That's why, on season four, they will only bother to depict political decisions that paint show!Dany in a negative light (and leave out all of her successful ones). That's why, on season five, they will make her storyline's lesson be about the need to conform to the Meereenese (i.e. slavers') traditions rather than about the need to carry on with her revolution like in the books. That's why, by the end of the show, they will say that Dany burning of King's Landing and its citizens was "a natural outcome of that [...] willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies" and how "her brand of revolution" stems from her "not seeing the cost". That's why they think there isn't any negative implication in arguing that burning slavers is a slippery slope to burning innocent people: they completely missed the point of her storyline and turned it into slavery apologism. Dany conquered these cities because there was no other way to free the slaves (as ADWD reinforces). Dany conquered these cities precisely because she saw the cost, even in the show (but then, they are such bad writers that they often misunderstand the implications of what they depicted).

And what I said above doesn't even take into account that they completely ignored (and I suspect probably never realized in the first place) the connection between her crusade in Slaver's Bay and her messianic destiny. It's no secret that they've always downplayed the magical elements of the books in the show as a whole. When it comes to Dany, that removal was particularly detrimental because the magic was used by GRRM to emphasize that Dany's actions were righteous.

2) Dany's character motivations

Here, I want to explain why Dany a) fought against the Ghiscari slavers and b) will fight for the Iron Throne in Westeros. This will only cover what's necessary to make my point clear; for more on Dany's intentions, see here and here and here and here and here.

a) Why Dany fought against the Ghiscari slavers

I've argued before that Dany is an accident revolutionary for a couple of reasons. She went to Slaver's Bay because she wanted an army (something that her detractors often use to harshly criticize her), yes, but what was primarily driving Dany was not self-interest/ambition (and it wouldn't matter if it were in the grand scheme of things, considering what other Westerosi feudal lords have done in the name of power), but rather her previous experiences with poverty, which understandably enhanced her desire to have agency. Additionally (and perhaps most importantly), she didn't know how the slaves were being mistreated; if she did, she most likely wouldn't have chosen to turn to Astapor in the first place. But that's partly why her storyline resonates with so many readers: as she gathers more information about the world and its problems, her moral and political values change along the way too. In this case, after finally witnessing the Unsullied's training and being confronted with the dilemma of buying them or leaving them, Dany chose another option: freeing the Unsullied and fighting against the masters instead.

Afterwards, Dany stayed in Slaver's Bay solely because she wants to abolish slavery. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have questioned on what grounds should a monarch rule. If her intentions weren't selfless, she would have taken the Yunkish masters' wealth for herself rather than just demanded that the slaves were compensated for their unpaid labor. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have been so hard on herself for her mistakes on Astapor. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have given the nobility and the freedmen equal voice at court (and her desire for equality was pointed out by GRRM himself). If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't be so insistent on reforming Meereen (which is an expensive endeavor). If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have provided medical aid to the Astapori refugees. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have given food to the poor. If her intentions weren't selfless, she wouldn't have sacrificed her own personal happiness and bodily autonomy. And so on. Again, I'm not trying to be thorough here, I'm just offering key examples that prove that Dany's campaign is driven by genuine compassion.

b) Why Dany will fight for the Iron Throne

I've said before that Dany doesn't want power for its own sake, but rather because it's a mean to the ends that she actually desires: home and duty. These two essential goals aptly inform why she wants to take back the Seven Kingdoms.

Dany's sole aim that can be considered selfish (i.e. that only focuses on her own benefits) is her desire to find a home, be it somewhere to belong to or someone to rely on. Even then, though, that's more than understandable considering a) that she is an exile who never got to stay on one place or trust her caregiver, b) that everyone in the continent where she was born believes in birthright and c) that every feudal lord is willing to wage war to retain their influence and wealth (more on that in item 5).

Dany's duty, on the other hand, refers not only to her (self-imposed) duty to the helpless (already laid out above), but to her ancestors too. So, even if her upcoming war in Westeros won't be primarily motivated to help the underprivileged (though she still has them in mind), it is still largely self-sacrificing as well (and far from being enough to describe her as power hungry like her detractors do).

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

When it comes to her fight against the Ghiscari masters, Weiss did say that Dany "is driven by a kind of a deep empathy, a much deeper empathy than probably anybody else in the show" back in season four. On the other hand, that statement is rendered moot by the fact that D&D dismiss her actions in Slaver's Bay as a "willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies" and as a "brand of revolution" that stems from her "not seeing the cost" by the end of the show. In other words, they a) made her anti-slavery crusade about her so-called ambition, b) downplayed her selfless goals and its humanitarian importance (failure in item 1) and c) turned her storyline into slavery apologism.

When it comes to her fight for the Iron Throne, there's never any interview where they focus on her desire for home and belonging or on her duty towards her ancestors, which also explains why these motivations were rarely shown onscreen. That they villainize her for pursuing the Seven Kingdoms displays their failure to understand item 5 (below).

3) Dany's background and identity

Dany isn't a typical queen. She is the only one who lived in poverty, began the story as a sex slave and then turned into a revolutionary thanks to her own choices. She is the only female character whose power isn't derived from her male relatives; in fact, she is specifically set apart for overcoming hardships that they didn't. She is the only queen whose political power is intertwined with her magical destiny (which is partly realized thanks to her actions). She is the only she-king/queen regnant/independent female ruler of the story. She is the only female ruler a) who received an arc that we got to see unfold through her perspective and b) who was depicted as politically savvy, despite having been thrown in the hardest political scenario of the series.

In relation to the Dothraki, Dany is not just a white woman among people of color. She was a child bride forcefully married to and raped by a Dothraki khal. She, like Irri and Jhiqui, was part of a family that was displaced, which led to their enslavement. She assimilated to Dothraki culture and was able to discern the good (the bond between bloodriders and a lifestyle that allows for a stronger sense of equality) and the bad (rape and human trafficking being normalized in their culture). She was the first example of female leadership to her bloodriders and khalasar and the one who set a precedent that men and women can be equals. She genuinely cares about her khalasar's well-being. She is poised to unite all the khalasars in the future. It's important to discern her character from GRRM's and D&D's writing (more on that in item 4).

In relation to the Ghiscari slavers (and not to the Westerosi nobles), Dany is viewed as a foreign monarch.

In relation to the freedmen, however, there's more to it. Like them, Dany is a former slave who was forcefully exiled from her homeland and now belongs nowhere. Unlike the slavers (who are united by Ghiscari heritage), the actual oppressed group come from many places and have different ethnicities and traveled extensively. Similarly, Dany was born in Westeros, grew up in the Free Cities, spent a significant time in the Dothraki sea and ruled in Slaver's Bay. Dany may be considered a foreigner by the slavers, but not by the freedmen, because they are all displaced people. Their connection (which the author emphasizes in both AGOT and ASOS) further shows that slavery in ASOIAF is not based on race and ethnicity (more on that in item 4).

The reasons above also explain why it is meaningful that Dany is AA/TPTWP/TSWMTW: many men (Aerys, Rhaegar, Aegon, Viserys, Drogo, Rhaego) had to die so she could become who she was meant to be, which further emphasizes that, as much as certain people want to pretend otherwise, Dany being the chosen one is not what the readership tends to expect.

I would argue that it's very important to have a basic understanding of various forms of oppression and acknowledge the multiple social groups that Dany belongs to in order to recognize her character's and storyline's significance. By being aware of them, one can understand, for example,

a) why Dany is not "too obvious" a glorified savior for her story not to have a twist by the end (That tends to happen because these detractors only see her as a white noblewoman, but, considering her identity as a whole, she is exactly someone who the readership wouldn't think of as the hero) or

b) why the story would be offensive on many levels if it ended with Dany going mad and/or becoming a villain (Why would GRRM do that to the one character who was exiled and enslaved and who, thanks to her own intelligence and compassion, got to fight against systemic oppression because she herself knows "how it felt to be afraid"?) or

c) why the theory that Dany burns King's Landing is offensive regardless of whether she does it accidentally or not (Why would GRRM have his sole queen regnant, i.e. the only woman whose power isn't derived from a man and who gets to make decisions concerning warfare like men usually do, be overly defined by violence in a way that his kings don't have to be? Why would he use her anti-slavery crusade as a device to make her care less about collateral damage and then be responsible for atrocities of such magnitude? It may still happen, but it definitely warrants criticism if it does)

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

On the one hand, Weiss did previously acknowledge that Dany's past experiences inform her current attitude ("She's always been very negatively predisposed towards slavery because she knows what it feels like to be property, I mean, she was a very fancy slave for all intents and purposes, she was somebody who was sold to another man, taken against her will and I think that her feelings about slavery have started to really inform her reasons for wanting the Iron Throne").

On the other hand, if they really understood the significance of her background, they wouldn't have made the northmen hate her for being a foreigner and portrayed her being in the wrong. If they really understood the significance of her background, they wouldn't have thought that show!Arya killing the Night King (which wasn't supposed to have happened) or show!Sansa becoming queen (which made no sense since that would motivate other regions to demand independence from the crown as well) would be interchangeable with show!Dany's downfall and prevent them from receiving criticism regarding the misogyny in their writing.

4) Dany's storyline's historical inspirations

In the words of the author himself,

The Targaryens have heavily interbred, like the Ptolemys of Egypt. As any horse or dog breeder can tell you, interbreeding accentuates both flaws and virtues, and pushes a lineage toward the extremes. (x)

The Dothraki are partially based on the Huns and the Mongols, some extent the steppe tribes like the Alvars and Magyars. I put in a few elements of the Amerindian plains tribes and those peoples, and then I threw in some purely fantasy elements. It’s fantasy.

Are they barbaric? Yeah, but the Mongols were, too. Genghis Khan — I just saw an interesting movie about Ghengis Khan, recently. I’ve read books about Genghis Khan, and he’s one of history’s more fascinating, charismatic characters. The Mongols became very sophisticated at certain points, but they were certainly not sophisticated when they started out, and even at the height of their sophistication they were fond of doing things like giant piles of heads. “Surrender your city to me, or we will come in and kill all the men, rape all the women and make a giant pile of heads.” They did that a few times, and other cities said, “Surrender is good. We’ll surrender. We’ll pay the taxes. No pile of heads, please.” (x)

And meanwhile, you've got Daenerys visiting more Eurasian and Middle Eastern cultures.

And that has generated its controversy too. I answer that one to in my blog. I know some of the people who are coming at this from a political or racial angle just seem to completely disregard the logistics of the thing here. I talk about what's in the books. The books are what I write. What I’m responsible for.

Slavery in the ancient world, and slavery in the medieval world, was not race-based. You could lose a war if you were a Spartan, and if you lost a war you could end up a slave in Athens, or vice versa. You could get in debt, and wind up a slave. And that’s what I tried to depict, in my books, that kind of slavery. (x)

These interviews show that Dany's storyline's historical parallels are mainly ancient civilizations (which explains her parallels with Cleopatra or the Ghiscari pyramids' closeness to Egyptian pyramids or how the duels in the fighting pits resemble the Roman gladiatorial games or the similarities between the Unsullied's training with Sparta's training of young boys or why tokars are togas), which, in turn, prove that GRRM is not attempting to write a critique of white saviorism. Indeed, that he reduces the Dothraki and the Mongols to being "barbaric" and refuses to give any individuality to his Dothraki characters confirm that he's the racist one here. Even the parallels that he draws between Dany's storyline and the American Civil War and Reconstruction are non-racialized in nature.

Also, even if GRRM and D&D weren't racists, the racist imagery in Dany's storyline (especially show!Dany's) doesn't make Dany herself a white savior; as @yendany explained before, white saviorism is about:

a) glorifying whiteness/western culture or an individual white person at the expense of people of color. Neither version of Dany fulfill this requirement because Dany was raised in Essos and doesn't force Ghiscari people into adhering to Westerosi or Valyrian culture and slavery, again, isn't race-based (which is why the Dothraki are portrayed as oppressors). The show ending only reinforces the latter point (more on that later).

and/or

b) a white person providing help to people of color in order to serve their own interests. Neither version of Dany fulfill this requirement because their compassion and humanitarianism are genuine (and necessary), as shown in items 1 and 2 above.

Are the show writers aware of this?

For the most part, nope.

On the one hand, they were involved in the show's production, so they had to be aware of the obvious parallels between Dany's storyline and the Ancient Mediterranean world (though not enough to hire extras of multiple races and ethnicities or to let show!Dany wear togas). Also, Benioff once stated that "there always seemed to be this sense of manifest destiny with Dany", which implies that they were aware of the white savior criticism surrounding her character and storyline (though probably not enough to question its validity based on her characterization).

On the other hand, they never cared about making any improvements from the racism in the books, and the ending is clear proof of that. Before season eight, I'd seen many people argue that the Unsullied and the Dothraki were used as show!Dany's props to emphasize her "goodness". Instead, it's the other way around: they were never meant to be "good" on their own, in fact, they were only portrayed as "good" because of show!Dany; by the end, when show!Dany was villainized, they were as well. Indeed, people of color like show!Missandei and show!Grey Worm suddenly became more aggressive while the white men in show!Dany's team (show!Jon, show!Tyrion and show!Varys) were portrayed as the rational/pacifist ones, reinforcing that there was never any attempt to provide race-related social commentary in the show (or in the books, for that matter). If there had been an attempt (poor and offensive as it would still be), the Unsullied and the Dothraki would have been depicted as the Mad Queen's victims (which only the Westerosi smallfolk and the Lannister armies (i.e. white people) got to be) rather than the Mad Queen's evil army.

5) A holistic view of ASOIAF in order to avoid double standards against Dany

I could mention more double standards than the four below, but my intention here is not to be comprehensive, but rather to provide some of the key examples of double standards used to criticize Dany's eventual campaign in Westeros and to accuse her of white saviorism.

Yes, Dany wants to wage a war to take back her homeland, but so did Robb when Winterfell was taken. (Unfortunately, Stannis may do the dirty work for the Starks in TWOW.)

Yes, Dany wants to take the Seven Kingdoms and the Starks "only" want Winterfell, but what matters is not the size of the area they are claiming, but rather the fact that the system that they are all working under (i.e. pseudofeudal monarchy) rewards birthright, exploits the labor of the peasants, encourages wars for petty reasons and perpetuates social inequality.

Yes, Dany will eventually be willing to use dragonfire to accomplish her goals, but fire was used by several parties against their enemies. The Ghiscari slavers used it. Stannis Baratheon used it. Tyrion Lannister used it. Jon Snow used it. The brotherhood without banners used it. If they had dragons, you can bet that they would have used them (and probably would have been less reluctant about it than Dany).

Yes, Dany's storyline has racist elements, but so does the Starks' origin story and Tyrion's storyline and the Martells' creation. In fact, if we're talking about racism, it can't be overlooked that Dany is the only white main character who interacts with, cares about and fights for people of color, while the other white characters remain isolated in Westeros and ignorant of their struggles. It can't be overlooked that GRRM wishes he had made Dany (and none of the other main characters) a Black woman. That people of color aren't given more prominence in the narrative is GRRM's fault (see item 4), not Dany's.

When all's said and done, Dany is not doing anything that could be considered morally wrong that other people didn't do, but she is taking large-scale actions solely due to her compassion that no one else is. That's because GRRM chose to set her apart from the other claimants by placing her in a storyline where she gets to advocate for the oppressed and have larger concerns than her claim or how her family was wronged. Does that make her look "too good"? Well, you just have to look at Jon to see that that's not true; both are flawed and imperfect, but still compassionate, intelligent and, ultimately, not as morally grey as most of the other characters of the series.

Are the show writers aware of this?

Nope.

I would say that the root of the problem in the show writers' depiction of show!Dany stems from the fact that they don't look at the events from the perspective of the lowborn.

If they would look at her actions in Slaver's Bay from the point of view of a freedman, they would understand why they were righteous (failure to comprehend item 1); instead, they talk about how her cruelty "grows" because she hurt people who hadn't done anything to her personally (which shows how easily they empathize with the slavers) and focus on how she is becoming a threat.

If they would look at her actions in Westeros from the point of view of a peasant, they would understand that a) every single lord exploits their labor, b) that Dany is not doing anything that the the lords wouldn't do (which is why the kingdoms constantly warred with their neighbors before Aegon's Conquest) and c) that the lords never waged war specifically to protect the oppressed like Dany did (see items 1 and 2), which is why Northern independence (or Robert's Rebellion) is not morally superior to Dany's campaign for the Iron Throne.

Because they couldn't understand any of this, they portrayed show!Dany's war effort as worse than the other characters' and ended up villainizing her for her ambition and use of violence when they never did so with the other characters, which creates offensive double standards and highlights the misogyny (i.e. controlling and punishing women who challenge male dominance) in their writing.

Now I'm going to go to the scene itself in order to demonstrate how it particularly exemplifies the show writers' failure to understand these five key things about Dany's character and storyline.

Scene 13

BARRISTAN: They will come, Your Grace. When they’re ready.

DAENERYS: Perhaps they didn’t want to be conquered.

JORAH: You didn’t conquer them. You liberated them.

DAENERYS: People learn to love their chains.

In the books, there's never any suspense about whether the newly freedmen will come out or not:

On the morning of the third day, the city gates swung open and a line of slaves began to emerge. Dany mounted her silver to greet them. As they passed, little Missandei told them that they owed their freedom to Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros and Mother of Dragons.

“Mhysa!” a brown-skinned man shouted out at her. He had a child on his shoulder, a little girl, and she screamed the same word in her thin voice. “Mhysa! Mhysa!” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

As we can see in the quote above, not only there's no suspense, Dany is mounted on her silver and doesn't have to make a speech to make sure that the former slaves can trust her and hail her as mhysa. Indeed, that's my biggest issue with the speech: it's built on the show writers' assumption that show!Dany needs to "[wait] to see if she is a conqueror or a liberator" in the eyes of the former slaves.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are people who dismiss Dany as a violent conqueror in the books. The Meereenese slavers (i.e., the ones who think they have the right to sell people and exploit their free labor and who suffered a major blow when Dany challenged their way of life, which doesn't exactly make them a reliable viewpoint in a storyline with something meaningful to say) do so:

“...When my people look at you, they see a conqueror from across the seas, come to murder us and make slaves of our children. A king could change that. A highborn king of pure Ghiscari blood could reconcile the city to your rule. Elsewise, I fear, your reign must end as it began, in blood and fire.” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

The Yunkish slavers (i.e., the ones who think they have the right to sell people and exploit their free labor and who suffered a major blow when Dany challenged their way of life, which doesn't exactly make them a reliable viewpoint in a storyline with something meaningful to say) do so:

“If even half the stories coming back from Slaver’s Bay are true, this child is a monster. They say that she is blood-thirsty, that those who speak against her are impaled on spikes to die lingering deaths. They say she is a sorceress who feeds her dragons on the flesh of newborn babes, an oathbreaker who mocks the gods, breaks truces, threatens envoys, and turns on those who have served her loyally. They say her lust cannot be sated, that she mates with men, women, eunuchs, even dogs and children, and woe betide the lover who fails to satisfy her. She gives her body to men to take their souls in thrall.” (ADWD Tyrion VI)

Dany herself (who, we shouldn't forget, has a tendency to be self-deprecating) also does so. It's the reason why she thinks it's her duty to stay and rule Meereen:

“Aegon the Conqueror brought fire and blood to Westeros, but afterward he gave them peace, prosperity, and justice. But all I have brought to Slaver’s Bay is death and ruin. I have been more khal than queen, smashing and plundering, then moving on.” (ASOS Daenerys VI)

However, the Yunkish envoy's vicious reaction (in both canons) to Dany's request that the Yunkish nobles free their slaves shows that Dany couldn't have freed the slaves (and become a liberator) if she hadn't taken the city (and become a conqueror). She is both conqueror and liberator and these titles don't contradict each other, they inform each other (just like mhysa and mother of dragons). That's something that the former slaves are aware of, because the vast majority of them do want freedom and are grateful that Dany intervened - we see it in Astapor, where the Unsullied chose not to obey their former masters while they were attacked because Dany gave them a choice to fight for their freedom, which they took (and the show didn't depict); we see it in Yunkai, where the former slaves embraced and hailed Dany as their mother right after they met her (and she didn't have to make a speech to prove that they should be freed because they themselves wanted to be freed); we see it in Meereen, where "the fighting slaves [...] led the uprising that won the city for her" and "cheering slaves lifted bloodstained hands to her as she went by"; we see it on Tyrion's POV, where many slaves doubt that Dany would make peace with the slavers and want her to smash the Yunkai'i. To portray them as gullible and dependent on show!Dany's speech in order to embrace freedom (when, again, that was never a question for them in the books) means:

Overlooking their motivations in the books.

Giving them less agency in comparison to the books.

Downplaying the level of human destruction that the slavers perpetrated (and which led the slaves to want to rebel), which shows their failure to understand item 1.

Equating show!Dany to the slavers as a foreign monarch in the former slaves' eyes when, in the books, she became a cult figure right from the first moment that they saw her. This also shows their failure to understand item 3; as I said above, she is not just a ruler, she is also a former slave who was banished from her homeland and doesn't belong anywhere. That makes it all the more meaningful that she, thanks to her own actions and principles, ended up becoming a revolutionary. Failing to understand this is why the show writers felt that she had to make a speech so that she could "compensate" for her actions as a conqueror (which were righteous to begin with).

Now, one might argue that I'm being too nitpicky here, but I didn't make it a secret in the introduction to these books vs show reviews that they are being written with the hindsight knowledge that the show writers will attempt to vilify show!Dany. One way that they will do so is to turn the freedmen against her in the later seasons, which is something that never happens in the books (which is why I'm wary of how her speech here already indicates that her connection to the freedmen is being downplayed). As I just said above and will reiterate: the show writers never really grasped the humanitarian importance of her crusade (item 1) or why she's seeking the Iron Throne in the first place (item 2). The show writers never really understood that the former slaves weren't united by culture or race or nationality and that they still had a connection with Dany as exiles sold into slavery (item 3). This is why they thought it was okay to make her the final villain of their series.

JORAH: You didn’t conquer them. You liberated them.

DAENERYS: People learn to love their chains.

First, show!Jorah being the one shown explaining to show!Dany that she is a liberator is really annoying since she is the former sex slave who chose to become an abolitionist and he is a slaver himself who is an apologist even in show canon.

Second, there are different ways to interpret show!Dany's line above. @daenerys-targaryen interpreted it as show!Dany referring to herself and how she fell in love with Drogo while she was his slave. @queenaryastark interpreted it as a way to express Tyrion's thoughts about how it's easy to grow accustomed to being a slave in ADWD. These are all valid readings that can coexist with my own: that the show writers only added this line in order to make show!Dany's storyline "more complex" (in their eyes). We see show!Dany having to "[wait] to see if she is a conqueror or a liberator", after all, which is a question about her "internal struggle" (which, again, makes no sense to overfocus on since Dany wouldn't be a liberator if she weren't also a conqueror) that the show chooses to hammer home in comparison to the books (where it's made clear that most of the former slaves know that they want to be freed). This added question a) undermines how significant it is that Dany is an active hero who chose to fight for the slaves when she didn't have to in a time and place where no one else cared about their plea and there was no conception of universal human rights (failure to understand items 2 and 5), b) downplays the message that the use of violence can be morally righteous (because it creates a false dichotomy between conqueror and liberator, like the fandom does with mhysa and mother of dragons; unfortunately, both showrunners miss the point - Weiss thinks that show!Dany's empathy and cruelty grow in Astapor and Benioff focuses on how she's becoming a threat; failure to understand items 1 and 2) and c) equates show!Dany to the slavers as another foreign monarch in the slaves' perspective (failure to understand item 3), which, in turn, portrays slavery as if it was merely a typical cultural practice rather than a crime against humanity like how it's portrayed in the books (failure to understand item 1). Things are definitely going to get worse in the next seasons (e.g. "mhysa is a master", the addition of a prostitute who hates show!Dany because she's "ruining" Meereenese "traditions", etc), but the cracks were already apparent in season three, which is arguably show!Dany's best season.

MISSANDEI: This is Daenerys Targaryen, the Stormborn, the Unburnt, the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, the Mother of Dragons. It is to her you owe your freedom.

DAENERYS: No. You do not owe me your freedom. I cannot give it to you. Your freedom is not mine to give. It belongs to you and you alone. If you want it back, you must take it for yourselves. Each and every one of you.

This scene plays out differently in the books:

“Mhysa!” a brown-skinned man shouted out at her. He had a child on his shoulder, a little girl, and she screamed the same word in her thin voice. “Mhysa! Mhysa!” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

As we can see, a) Dany is not shown correcting Missandei on what freedom entails like it happens in the show and b) Dany never has to give the former slaves a speech in the first place.

I'm of two minds about this speech. On the one hand, show!Dany's speech does highlight her humanitarian intentions in this endeavor: instead of seeing the freedmen as things to be sold like the slavers did, she views them as people who are able to make their own judgments and choices.

On the other hand, a number of issues were caused by the show writers' inability to be faithful to the books. The intentions behind this speech are distasteful since it seems like (the show writers think that) she needs to persuade the former slaves to follow her, which takes away their agency in comparison to the books (where, as I've repeated numerous times by now, they wanted to be freed; failure to understand item 1) and holds show!Dany to a higher standard than the other characters of the series (who, either in Westeros or Slaver's Bay, all believe in and live under an absolute monarchy, with the only difference being that their dominance over the lowborn became normalized over time in a way that show!Dany's didn't, which causes her to be judged by today's moral standards by the show writers; this failure to understand item 5 will only get worse over time, as we all know), which is particularly aggravating because it undercuts the fact that show!Dany is the only one who cares about and fights for the former slaves (failure to understand items 2, 3 and 5).

Another thing that makes me bitter about this speech is that, despite portraying show!Dany positively, it will be used (alongside all of her other speeches), in retrospect, as evidence that she was always set up to burn thousands of innocents in King's Landing:

BENIOFF: What's interesting about it is that she's been making similar kinds of speeches for a long time and we've always been rooting for her and this is kind of a natural outcome of that philosophy and that willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies and it's just not quite as fun anymore. (x)

Much has been said about how the show fell right into slavery apologism by supposing that burning slavers is a slippery slope to burning noncombatants (failure to understand items 1 and 2) and about how offensive it was that it villainized the one queen who had a particular place in the narrative due to being an exile, a former sex slave, a revolutionary and the only independent female ruler who wasn't depicted as evil (failure to understand item 3). I would also add that the vast majority of the evidence about show!Dany's "villainy" (which betrays a failure to understand item 5) was either exaggerated or invented. For example, aside from the speech that she gave to her khalasar in the first season, all of show!Dany's speeches were added by the show writers, including this one. In fact, it's ironic that, throughout the course of AFFC/ADWD, Dany was the only one of the three main political leaders who was not shown by GRRM giving speeches to the unprivileged:

Jon waited until the last echoes had faded, then spurred his palfrey forward where everyone could see him. “We’re feeding you as best we can, as much as we can spare. Apples, onions, neeps, carrots … there’s a long winter ahead for all of us, and our stores are not inexhaustible.”

“You crows eat good enough.” Halleck shoved forward.

For now. “We hold the Wall. The Wall protects the realm … and you now. You know the foe we face. You know what’s coming down on us. Some of you have faced them before. Wights and white walkers, dead things with blue eyes and black hands. I’ve seen them too, fought them, sent one to hell. They kill, then they send your dead against you. The giants were not able to stand against them, nor you Thenns, the ice-river clans, the Hornfoots, the free folk … and as the days grow shorter and the nights colder, they are growing stronger. You left your homes and came south in your hundreds and your thousands … why, but to escape them? To be safe. Well, it’s the Wall that keeps you safe. It’s us that keeps you safe, the black crows you despise.”

“Safe and starved,” said a squat woman with a windburned face, a spearwife by the look of her.

“You want more food?” asked Jon. “The food’s for fighters. Help us hold the Wall, and you’ll eat as well as any crow.” Or as poorly, when the food runs short. (ADWD Jon V)

“What is the meaning of this?” Cersei demanded of the crowd. “Do you mean to bury Blessed Baelor in a mountain of carrion?”

A one-legged man stepped forward, leaning on a wooden crutch. “Your Grace, these are the bones of holy men and women, murdered for their faith. Septons, septas, brothers brown and dun and green, sisters white and blue and grey. Some were hanged, some disemboweled. Septs have been despoiled, maidens and mothers raped by godless men and demon worshipers. Even silent sisters have been molested. The Mother Above cries out in her anguish. We have brought their bones here from all over the realm, to bear witness to the agony of the Holy Faith.”

Cersei could feel the weight of eyes upon her. “The king shall know of these atrocities,” she answered solemnly. “Tommen will share your outrage. This is the work of Stannis and his red witch, and the savage northmen who worship trees and wolves.” She raised her voice. “Good people, your dead shall be avenged!”

A few cheered, but only a few. “We ask no vengeance for our dead,” said the one-legged man, “only protection for the living. For the septs and holy places.” (AFFC Cersei VI)

In fact, the Dany of the books is never shown giving a speech after AGOT. This is not to say, of course, that making speeches on its own makes show!Dany "darker" (indeed, the show writers were often unaware of what they were writing) than Dany, I'm only pointing out that they never existed in the books.

Mhysa!

DAENERYS: What does it mean?

MISSANDEI: It is old Ghiscari, Khaleesi. It means “mother.”

First, unlike in the show (where the freedmen only shout "mhysa!"), the freedmen of the books call Dany "mother" in lots of different languages:

“Mhysa!” they called. “Mhysa! MHYSA!” They were all smiling at her, reaching for her, kneeling before her. “Maela,” some called her, while others cried “Aelalla” or “Qathei” or “Tato,” but whatever the tongue it all meant the same thing. Mother. They are calling me Mother. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

It's only fitting that the freedmen of the books come from different places and have different races and ethnicities (which the scene above reinforces); not only that connects them to their mhysa (in that they are all people exiled from their homelands and forced into slavery), it is a culmination of Dany's tendency to culturally assimilate, which was already noticeable with the Dothraki. Unfortunately, this doesn't come across in the show because they hired local extras from Morocco (failure to understand/depict items 3 and 4).

Second, as @rainhadaenerys pointed out to me in a conversation, show!Dany makes a speech (which, again, was added by the show writers) in Valyrian in this scene and all the freedmen understand it, which can make sense since most modern Ghiscari continued to speak in the language of their conquerors and the former slaves all probably stayed in Yunkai long enough to learn the language. On the other hand, this will later be contradicted in episode 4.6 when show!Dany will need show!Missandei in order to communicate with a goatherd. In the books, she interacts directly with all of the freedmen, to give some examples:

In the afternoon a sculptor came, proposing to replace the head of the great bronze harpy in the Plaza of Purification with one cast in Dany’s image. She denied him with as much courtesy as she could muster. A pike of unprecedented size had been caught in the Skahazadhan, and the fisherman wished to give it to the queen. She admired the fish extravagantly, rewarded the fisherman with a purse of silver, and sent the pike to her kitchens. A coppersmith had fashioned her a suit of burnished rings to wear to war. She accepted it with fulsome thanks; it was lovely to behold, and all that burnished copper would flash prettily in the sun, though if actual battle threatened, she would sooner be clad in steel. (ADWD Daenerys I)

So, while here she and her people are at least connected by the fact that they understand what she is saying, even this will be undermined later (and they don't have the budget as an excuse for this one; failure to understand items 3 and 4).

Third, as I noted in episode 3.5, why the heck do they have show!Missandei call show!Dany "khaleesi"? It makes no sense since she's not familiar with Dothraki culture and never knew Dany when she was Khal Drogo's wife.

DAENERYS: It’s all right. These people won’t hurt me.

DAENERYS: Fly. Let me pass.

There are differences in the execution of Dany's meeting with the freedmen of Yunkai from books to show. She mounted her silver to meet them and the crowdsurfing never happens:

On the morning of the third day, the city gates swung open and a line of slaves began to emerge. Dany mounted her silver to greet them. [...]

The chant grew, spread, swelled. It swelled so loud that it frightened her horse, and the mare backed and shook her head and lashed her silver-grey tail. It swelled until it seemed to shake the yellow walls of Yunkai. More slaves were streaming from the gates every moment, and as they came they took up the call. They were running toward her now, pushing, stumbling, wanting to touch her hand, to stroke her horse’s mane, to kiss her feet. [...]

She laughed, put her heels into her horse, and rode to them, the bells in her hair ringing sweet victory. She trotted, then cantered, then broke into a gallop, her braid streaming behind. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

What we also miss onscreen is that, onpage, Dany sees the freedmen as her found family and realizes that the moment fulfills a prophecy that she saw in the House of the Undying. I'm going to talk more about this moment later in the section where I comment on D&D's Inside the Episode, though.

Now, we get to this moment, which was (and still is) heavily criticized due to its racism.

An in-depth discussion of the racism in Dany's storyline and in ASOIAF in general goes beyond the scope of this meta; I recommend that you read @yendany's metas instead. It must be acknowledged, of course, that this is a racist scene for employing Moroccan extras as former slaves in order to prop up a British woman and being completely insensitive to Africa's colonial history. However, that's the show's production's fault, which continued to be tone-deaf about race-related issues and diversity in general through the years.

That being said, my main purpose here is to address in which ways the TV series diverged from Dany's character in the books and, consequently, undermined show!Dany. So, instead of talking specifically about the racism in Dany's character and storyline (about which people have already discussed a lot elsewhere), I want to focus, instead, on the ways that the discussion centered around the racism in Dany's character and storyline tends to be uninterested in analyzing the merits of Dany's character and storyline. This reinforces that these detractors' problems most often relate to a) either GRRM and the show's writers and producers rather than to Dany's character herself or b) their own biases:

Dany's abolitionist crusade's humanitarian importance: Do they remember in which ways the slaves were being mistreated, exploited and dehumanized before Dany's interventions?

Dany's character motivations: Do they know that Dany conquered cities just so that she could end slavery rather than because she wanted to exploit Slaver's Bay in any way? Are they aware of the many sacrifices that Dany made in order to free the slaves and rule in Meereen? Do they know that Dany doesn't want the Iron Throne for its own sake, but rather that she wants it so that she can find a home and fulfill her duty towards her ancestors?

Dany's background and identity: Do they take into account that Dany is not just a white woman, but also a former sex slave and a refugee who was forced to culturally assimilate in order to survive and who now belongs nowhere just like the people that she's freed?

Dany's storyline's historical inspirations: Do they know that the slavery that GRRM wrote is primarily inspired by the ancient world and, therefore, is not race-based? Do they know that GRRM himself is tone-deaf about race-related issues and that this is apparent in all of his story?

A holistic view of ASOIAF in order to avoid double standards against Dany: Do they take prevailing cultural norms and other characters' actions into account when they judge Dany's ambition and use of violence negatively? Do they also take into account how Dany's selfless deeds compare to most of the other characters'? Do they also acknowledge and criticize the racism in other characters' storylines?

The vast majority of Dany's detractors (which include D&D) don't take these questions (which do not exhaustively cover all of the misconceptions surrounding her character by any means) into account and/or don't know the text well enough to answer them properly, which means that they are prone to grossly distorting her motivations and/or her storyline's thematic messages in order to address racial issues that should not be used to judge Dany's character because the author himself is unaware of them and does not intend for them to come across. As a result, people lose track of Dany's actual characterization and her storyline's intended social commentary and forget that she is a part of several marginalized groups herself, leading to pretty nonsensical takes in the fandom, such as "Rhaenys should have been Dany".

So, because a) the issue of racism in Dany's storyline was already well-covered elsewhere and b) fandom climate has proven that many people who talk about this issue tend to do so in bad faith, I consciously decided to focus on these five things that should also be remembered in this discussion (and that have more to do with the purpose of this meta anyway).

My comments on the Inside the Episode 3.10

Benioff: We see her get an army in episode four, and here in the finale you see her get her people, really, because she's got, she has her Dothraki followers that don't number very many, and she's got the people she's freed from the other cities, but now she is, it's not just - it's something even more, something almost even more religious about it than just a queen, I mean, she's the mother of these people.

Weiss: And it creates a whole new dynamic between her and the people that she's fighting for that she's gonna have to deal with in the future.

Benioff: The way they treat her, the way they lift her up and she is... something that has its... A revelation from a prophecy and that glorious destiny is coming true.

Weiss: Here it seemed like it was really important to let us know just how many people were counting on her to see the full extent of, mostly, the full extent of her army and the tens of thousands of people who flooded out of these gates to pay tribute to her. And then, keeping the dragons in play because they're always such an important part of her identity, we just want to tie all of that together in one great shot.

There's a lot of wrong here, so let's unpack this statement by statement.

We see her get an army in episode four, and here in the finale you see her get her people, really,

As I already noted in episodes 3.4 and 3.5 and will repeat: the show writers seem to have forgotten that thousands of refugees from Astapor chose to follow her to Yunkai, so she had already "[gotten] her people":

Yet even so, tens of thousands preferred to follow her to Yunkai, rather than remain behind in Astapor.

[...] Dany could not bring herself to abandon them as Ser Jorah and her bloodriders urged. I told them they were free. I cannot tell them now they are not free to join me. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

Indeed, her main struggle during the battle of Yunkai was to find a way to take the city and free its slaves and prevent too many of her freedmen from becoming casualties:

Dany considered. The slaver host seemed small compared to her own numbers, but the sellswords were ahorse. She’d ridden too long with Dothraki not to have a healthy respect for what mounted warriors could do to foot. The Unsullied could withstand their charge, but my freedmen will be slaughtered. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

she's got, she has her Dothraki followers that don't number very many,

Dany still considers her Dothraki followers a khalasar in the books and finds their support invaluable despite its small number and what the show writers had her think in the S3 premiere (i.e. that she doesn't have a true khalasar):

Her khalasar was tiny, some thirty-odd mounted warriors, and most of them braidless boys and bentback old men. Yet they were all the horse she had, and she dared not go without them. The Unsullied might be the finest infantry in all the world, as Ser Jorah claimed, but she needed scouts and outriders as well. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

she is, it's not just - it's something even more, something almost even more religious about it than just a queen, I mean, she's the mother of these people.

And it creates a whole new dynamic between her and the people that she's fighting for that she's gonna have to deal with in the future.

Dany was already acting as mhysa way before she was considered one, which we saw from the way she cared about the Lhazareen women to her bloodriders to the slaves in Astapor:

“You heard my words,” she said. “Stop them.” She spoke to her khas in the harsh accents of Dothraki. “Jhogo, Quaro, you will aid Ser Jorah. I want no rape.” (AGOT Daenerys VII)

“Sheath your steel, blood of my blood,” said Dany, “this man comes to serve me. Belwas, you will accord all respect to my people, or you will leave my service sooner than you’d wish, and with more scars than when you came.” (ACOK Daenerys V)

“...Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves. Robert did.”

“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice ... that’s what kings are for.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

One might argue that this event strengthens the sense of responsibility that she already had for these people, but it's not true that there was a radical change in their dynamic after this moment... In the books, it was simply a culmination of what Dany was already doing the whole time.

The way they treat her, the way they lift her up and she is... something that has its... A revelation from a prophecy and that glorious destiny is coming true.

The way that Benioff puts it makes it seem like show!Dany expected the devotion of these people (in a way that seems related to what they assume to be her self-interest and entitlement), which irks me in hindsight knowing that a) they will use this assumption to tear her apart in the last season (after all, one reason why they had show!Dany fall was that she found no love in the North) and b) it's not accurate for her book counterpart.

Is it true that she notices that one prophecy was realized in this moment in the books? Yes.

Ten thousand slaves lifted bloodstained hands as she raced by on her silver, riding like the wind. “Mother!” they cried. “Mother, mother!” They were reaching for her, touching her, tugging at her cloak, the hem of her skirt, her foot, her leg, her breast. They wanted her, needed her, the fire, the life, and Dany gasped and opened her arms to give herself to them ... (ACOK Daenerys IV)

Ser Jorah urged her to go, but Dany remembered a dream she had dreamed in the House of the Undying. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

When it comes to Dany's motivations, though, one must take into account that a) Dany herself is not aware that she has a great destiny (nor does she want to have one) and b) the prophecies are most often intertwined with her desire to find a home, a family, companionship, belonging. This scene is no exception; before it happened, Dany had reflected on how her House would end with her due to her infertility:

She felt very lonely all of a sudden. Mirri Maz Duur had promised that she would never bear a living child. House Targaryen will end with me. That made her sad. “You must be my children,” she told the dragons, “my three fierce children. Arstan says dragons live longer than men, so you will go on after I am dead.” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

Fittingly, then, the chapter ends on a more positive note: her found family is now not only composed of dragons, but of thousands of people who she is delighted to meet:

“What are they shouting?”

“It is Ghiscari, the old pure tongue. It means ‘Mother.’”

Dany felt a lightness in her chest. I will never bear a living child, she remembered. Her hand trembled as she raised it. Perhaps she smiled. She must have, because the man grinned and shouted again, and others took up the cry. [...]

Ser Jorah urged her to go, but Dany remembered a dream she had dreamed in the House of the Undying. “They will not hurt me,” she told him. “They are my children, Jorah.” She laughed, put her heels into her horse, and rode to them, the bells in her hair ringing sweet victory. She trotted, then cantered, then broke into a gallop, her braid streaming behind. The freed slaves parted before her. “Mother,” they called from a hundred throats, a thousand, ten thousand. “Mother,” they sang, their fingers brushing her legs as she flew by. “Mother, Mother, Mother!” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

As I said before, this scene is interesting because it associates Dany's role as a queen to her role as a mother. This connection arguably not only relates to gender issues, but also to how Dany's empathy runs so deep that she goes as far as to consider all of the ones who can't protect themselves her children: because she knows what it is like to be in their position, she will be the one who, instead of focusing on heritage and feudal ties and lands, empowers them and keeps them safe as best as she can.

Unfortunately, the show writers never understood any of this because of a) their lack of knowledge of the source material and, in particular, Dany's character, and b) their misogynistic assumption that a powerful and revolutionary woman must be, deep down, vain, selfish, unhinged and reliant on the men around her (even while they're unable to depict her as one).

And then, keeping the dragons in play because they're always such an important part of her identity, we just want to tie all of that together in one great shot.

While it's not untrue that the dragons are an important part of Dany's identity, I can't help but look askance at this statement. D&D thought that it was important to portray show!Dany as helpless without her dragons in season two, after all:

Benioff: Dany is so defined by her dragons, they're so much a part at this point, they define her so much that when they're taken from her, it's almost like she reverts to the pre-dragon Daenerys, you know, everyone is a bit defined by who they were when they were an adolescent, you know, no matter how old you get, no matter how powerful you get, and Daenerys was a scared, timid, abused adolescent and I think when her dragons are taken for her, all those feelings, all those memories and emotions are triggered and come back and all the confidence that she's won over the last several months, it's as if that just evaporates and she's back to being a really frightened little girl. (x)

In the books, Dany doesn't need to be humbled by having her dragons taken from her. Her lesson is the opposite one: she learns that, despite having dragons (which are never taken from her), they are not going to be of help if she wants to gain people's loyalty. Instead, she is going to have to earn people's loyalty, which is why GRRM has Dany's perspective front and center in the books - she is the one who deeply empathizes with the slaves based on her past experiences, she is the one who chooses to start an anti-slavery campaign, she is the one who concocts the battle plans to conquer the cities, she is the one who decides to stay and rule Meereen and so on. The dragons served as the bait to deceive the Astapori masters, but her plan went way beyond the dragons, as well as the ones she made in Yunkai and Meereen.

On HBO, they think that show!Dany is "so defined by her dragons" and that "they're such an important part of her identity" to the point of portraying her as incompetent without them, which they will do again in seasons four and five with their poor adaptation of her ADWD arc (where the dragons were shown as a hindrance and Dany still held things together really well considering the huge problems that she was dealing with). And then, in the end, as we know, they will turn the draconic imagery that once meant freedom in the books (and arguably in this scene as well) into another sign of her villainy in a wing shot that, iconic as it has become, is as subtle as adding devil horns in her head.

Show!Dany's clothes

Does anyone know why is show!Dany using this accessory with her dress? I assume it's a chest pad, but I'm not sure. If anyone has any ideas, please share them with me.

#daenerys targaryen #asoiaf meta #asoiaf vs got #asos vs got #a storm of swords #s3

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being-worthy · 4 years ago

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Saturday Home Cinema: Mulan (2020) - A very honest review!

I just had to write this review because Mulan is one of my heroes and I’m a huge fan of the original Disney Mulan (1998). I saw the movie for the first time as a kid when I had trouble feeling integrated and was daily bullied at school. I re-watched it again and again and again until I was able to learn by heart the script and all the songs in German (and later on, even in English). I just saw so much of myself in Mulan (maybe except for the fact that I’m not as beautiful or witty as she is). I too always felt out of place and I couldn’t be my true self and I was never very ladylike either. I also looked up at her and saw her as a role model. Sometimes I thought that if I stared long enough at my reflection in the mirror, it’d show me my true self - and I’m still waiting to this day… Disney’s 1998 version of Mulan was and still is my favourite Disney movie.

> SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!! <

The best thing about this movie is the soundtrack, especially at the end. Christina Aguilera was the right choice to sing Reflection and Loyal Brave True. The goosebumps her voice gives, I can’t even describe how extraordinary her voice is. In the end credits, you can listen to the English version of Reflection as well as the Chinese version (sadly sung by Liu Yifei ¬¬). It’s worth to watch the end credits and listen to the songs.

*My suggestion: Stop whatever you’re doing. Put on some headphones (even better if they’re noise-cancelling), close your eyes, play the song Reflection song (and Loyal Brave True if you feel like it) by Christina Aguilera, no distractions no interruptions, forget about everything and everyone, let the song flow through your ears, mind, heart, body, and soul, and you will feel like you’re Mulan, especially when the drumming gets louder, it’s epically epic! (Sorry for the redundancy but it IS a remarkable song!)

I welcome the idea of wanting to take a classic and do something new, something fresh with it but humanity could’ve gone without this movie and they shouldn’t ask for $35 to watch it on Disney+ and sometimes a classical doesn’t need to be redone. Additionally, I can’t entirely understand what’s going on these past years not only with Disney but Hollywood and all other big movie production companies. It’s either remake of this classic or a 2nd/3rd sequel of a movie that doesn’t actually require a sequel but it’s still done anyway. Why even bother wasting big amounts of money to create a disaster? You’re better of donating that money to charity (or to me lol). The main thing that Disney has been doing lately are remakes of many of our childhood movies Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Dumbo, The Jungle Book, The Lion King, among others, and now Mulan. Some have a few good parts in them but they still can’t and never will compare to the original. Why is there no originality and innovation anymore? Have they run out of ideas? Furthermore, let’s be honest people will always compare the remake (either consciously or unconsciously) with the original because there are less than a dozen movies where the remake either was (almost) as good as the original much less better than the original. The movie Mulan (2020) had a massive budget and is the most expensive film made by a female director (Niki Caro), yet how they made it, the battle sequences and CGI effects, etc. they’re all crappy.

Budgets of all Mulan interpretations:

Mulan (1998) - $90 million > Directed by Tony Bancroft and Barry Cook. Made $304.3 million in the box office

Hua Mulan (2009) - $12 million > Directed by Jingle Ma. Sadly, made only $1.8 million in the box office. It deserved more love!

Mulan (2020) - $200 million(!!) > All that budget was a waste!

I’ve seen all three versions. The 1998 version is for everybody and it’s funny and you feel with the characters and the film. Let’s be honest, the granny is one of the best characters, most of us have or had a granny like that in our lives. The 2nd one is a 2-hour long movie, a more mature adaption which illustrates the ugly harsh truth about war and the loss and death it brings with it and that there’s nothing funny or cool about it. This one is not suitable for children. You feel with the characters and their sacrifices and they also develop along the movie. I can only recommend to watch this version if you haven’t. And the latest one is a disgrace.

I’m a bit confused as to what the message of the movie is. On one hand, it tells you shouldn’t hide your inner beauty, you shouldn’t hide who you are, you shouldn’t hide your abilities, you shouldn’t try to hide who you truly are in order to conform to what the world/society wants you to be or who you should be, let your true self shine and be yourself and don’t allow anyone to tell you that you’re inferior just because they think/say you are. This is something powerful and admirable but, on the other hand, at the same time, it tells you that you can only do that if you are the chosen one. Let me explain... In the beginning, we see Mulan as a little girl chasing a chicken up to the roofs of the houses at the village where she lives. Basically, she’s born as a one-woman army (almost deus ex machina) and doesn’t require any further training which is total and utter rubbish. She has all the skills because of her powerful chi (vital life force energy) but has to underplay them because it’s not very ladylike to behave like she wants to and she still underplays them when she trains with the soldiers so as to keep a low profile. Her being so powerful from the beginning makes me feel alienated from her and I can’t empathise with her. It’s also not very realistic, nobody is born with their abilities fully developed. For example, even Bruce Lee had to train hard to get where he got and he wasn’t the only one.

The original version shows us a regular girl, at times clumsy (which is a cliché but we still liked it) and when she’s confronted with new situations, she analyses them and finds a quick canny solution to them. She also has to train her body and mind to get to the peak of her potential and accomplish what nobody else could in her time, and here the character is done from the start of the movie and the only thing she has to do is choose not to hide her chi anymore. This tells us that you don’t have to work hard to achieve your dreams whereas in reality you actually do have to work your butt off!

I’m not a fan of the leading actress they chose for Mulan, aka Liu Yifei, not only because she’s a police brutality supporter according to her controversial tweets a while back - this already makes her unworthy to portray Mulan who is the complete opposite - but also because she didn’t do a good job at depicting this great role. Mulan is a role model for every girl and woman and it’s a massive contradiction if a woman who agrees to the atrocious police methods impersonates her role. What message do we send out to every girl out in the world? In her acting she’s this blank and hollow person through the movie and transmits no emotion whatsoever - not even when she cries. This also makes it difficult for me to identify myself with her. She’s this wooden plank, she is and stays a blank canvas through the whole movie with no growth in her character and it’s frustrating having to see this because the character of Mulan isn’t at all like this. Mulan experiences many emotions from the moment where she makes the decision to enlist so her father doesn’t have to or when she experiences the loss of her comrades or has to kill someone for the first time, etc. she suffers along her journey and all this changes her but you see nothing of it in Liu Yifei’s Mulan.

In the Disney version, there are some crucial moments that are missing in the new one. For instance, the most crucial one is the moment where Mulan decides to go to war. If you remember the animation one, she’s sitting in the rain by the dragon statue and at that moment makes a decision that could kill her or worse bring dishonour to herself and her entire family (including ancestors) which was far worse than death during that time! She gets up, marches to the altar of her ancestors, takes her father’s sword and cuts her hair (I know men had long hair back then too but still), puts on the armour and goes to war. All this while being accompanied by an epic song written by Jerry Goldsmith called Haircut. This is one of the most intense and dramatic moments in the movie and in all Disney movies! You can understand and feel the importance of this decision for the character and you feel the weight of it! In the 2020 one, she takes the sword and the next shot presents her already with the armour on - there’s zero dramatic impact here. That was a great missed opportunity!! By omitting important scenes and their dramatic impacts like this one that are essential to the story and to the characters, to their development and their journey throughout the story and you really need to rely on the original from 1998 to have this context.

The battle scenes are like many modern movies: lots of action, lots of moving (too fast-moving), a few amazing fighting moves and fights but not showed entirely. I at least expected some similar quality, like we’ve seen in films such as Hero (2002), House of Flying Daggers (2004), and Tiger & Dragon (2020) to name a few. Sadly, these movies had better fight scenes quality than Mulan which were filmed in high frame rate but over-edited with action that is negatively frenetic and have artificial CGI effects (even the CGI effects in Independence Day were better - I’m watching the movie while writing this). We’re in the 21st century with great advances in technology and movies are given big budgets (particularly Hollywood films), yet despite all this, most movies end up with CGI effects from another era. How come this happens over and over? In this one, we see people running too fast, horses running too fast, and they’re all like a big mass of headless chickens and you don’t know exactly what is happening where. All this fast running, the constant cut and paste of scenes looks all too modern and doesn’t fit the current time period of the movie and it surely doesn’t transmit the way of fighting of that period.

Moreover, we get lots of flashback-lesson learning scenes throughout the movie. This is another fashion in movies lately, playing the film in the present time while at the same time jumping back and forth between flashbacks. It spends a good portion of the movie with these flashbacks. This is not a big issue and admirable per se but when these scenes are insignificant because they’re glossed over and transmitted without zilch emotion, then why even bother to include them in the first instance?

As a last comment, I like the fact that they hired Chinese actors and actresses for the movie (although I don’t know why it had to be in English, I’d have preferred it to be in Chinese, it’s not like we’re allergic to subtitles - unless they’re not done properly), some of them of renewed name, like Gong Li, Rosalind Chao (I loved her in The Joy Luck Club), Jet Li, Donnie Yen (legendary Ip Man), Jason Scott Lee (saw him in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story), Tzi Ma but they won’t be able to save the movie even with a great cast like this one.

#disney mulan #disney mulan 2020 #mulan live action #saturday home cinema #boycott mulan #don't watch it #don't watch mulan #don't watch mulan 2020 #disney should be ashamed #honest review #a very honest review #film night #movie night

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skinks · 4 years ago

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hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

#long post #films #this is like bill hader being asked to pick his fave comedies and he gives a 4 page list #he has such good taste though ahhahbfhfhfhh lemme talk with him nonstop about movies while i ride him. thank you

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 4 years ago

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disney’s ‘the hunchback of notre dame’, early 2000s kid nostalgia, and other midnight musings

“What the fuck, Stina? I thought this was a blog for book reviews!” you say.

“Books, amongst other things. Hence the -ish suffix,” I say. “And all my mediocre ‘reviews’ are hit-or-miss in terms of engagement, so I’m pretty much free to post whatever the fuck I want.”

I toss my head. My hair whacks me in the face.

The first time I watched Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was been circa 2006, in the ‘movie room’ of my preschool, huddled around a CRT TV with the rest of my five-year-old classmates. Not much about the film particularly stood out to me at the age.

Fast-forward fifteen years later; I’m cooped up in quarantine, hundreds of thousands of miles away from that first viewing. I’m living my best life, rejoicing in my introverted tendencies and having a laugh at the expense of all the suffering extroverts. I haven’t moved from my bed all day, except for the bare necessities, and I’m bingeing YouTube videos. All is well.

I discovered Lindsay Ellis’s channel quite recently- embarrassingly enough, through her videos on Omegaverse and the whole Addison Cain fiasco. I stumbled down the rabbit-hole of her channel, and here I am, a few dozen videos later, and I find her one on this film.

Which, of course, led me to want to re-watch the film, with the eyes and mind (supposedly) of an adult. And it went far beyond and above my expectations.

The film is dark, much darker than the average Disney film of today- not just thematically, but the graphics too. Except for the first parts with the Festival of Fools and the last scene, the rest seems to have a dark filter put over it all. Obviously, given its themes (I’m pulling these out of my arse; I’m a STEM major and I have zero to no knowledge about film) of freedom and equality, acceptance of those different from us, corruption and lust- all that good shit, in other words- you can’t exactly have sunshine and rainbows. But it’s such a stark contrast from what I’ve been accustomed to from Disney; Frozen has Hans about to decapitate Elsa, but the background remains bright and light; Simba sobbing next to Mufasa’s body in The Lion King is heart-wrenching, but a few scenes later, we have an anthropomorphic meerkat-boar duo singing about eating bugs and farting and all that classy stuff, so it’s not as traumatizing.

The themes are a lot more on-the-nose than a lot of other kids’ movies (forgive me if I err, I am aged and forgetful)- cue la Esmeralda saying, “What do they have against people who are different, anyway?”- you get what’s essentially the same ‘accept others regardless of their differences’, ‘prejudice is bad’ morals from, say, Zootopia, but having given the main characters fursuits makes it less obvious than in this movie.

(Or maybe I’m just a dumbass. I have no elaborate notes for this; I’m high on sugar and deprived of sleep so I might be spewing bullshit.)

Admittedly, the resolution is a bit… unrealistic. The citizens of Paris = sheep, essentially; they go from throwing fruit in Quasimodo’s face because the guards started it, to helping defeat them. Maybe there’s something about mob mentality in there, but I find it hard to believe that people who showed up to watch Esmeralda burn to death were suddenly totally cool with not getting what they didn’t pay for. But then again, this is a Disney movie, and you can’t make kids too cynical too early on. Let them have their innocence and ‘people will be with the heroes in times of peril because humanity is inherently good!’ before they realize that humanity kinda fuckin’ sucks.

The characters are some of the most human from those I’ve seen in Disney (other honorable mentions: the main characters of The Emperor’s New Groove, Moana, Tangled, Anna from Frozen). Quasimodo’s the main character (lol DUH, will I ever say anything not obvious?), and he’s so lovable, but not without flaws- he’s biased against gypsies in the beginning because Frollo’s the literal scum of the earth. To borrow from the K-pop fans’ dictionary: UwU he’s so pure!

Esmeralda sparks a bit of controversy because she’s another POC leading lady from a Disney film of the 90’s (a list including Jasmine, and, sigh- Pocahontas) who’s markedly more sexualized than the white Disney princesses. It’s not something I particularly noticed nor cared about until I saw it being brought up- I mean, the woman shows a bit of cleavage and then dances for a couple of seconds- but. I’m just putting that out there.

She’s an empowering heroine without having to belt in in your face (not me making a dig at Naomi Scott’s Jasmine from the Aladdin live action film), and I also love how her role in taking down the Big Bad doesn’t have to do with her ‘power of seduction’ (the scene in the animated Aladdin film where Jasmine kissed Jafar truly traumatized me as a kid).

Phoebus is… well, he exists. Kind of a Regulus Black archetype, but not exactly. The guy on the bad side who turns good and all is forgiven. Well, at least it’s not the ‘her love made him a better man’ trope. And he is a good guy. Even if he did spend a considerable amount of his adult years on the side of the bad guys.

Systemic oppression? Nah, it’s one or two corrupt baddies. But again, it’s a Disney film, we need everything to work out for the good guys in the end.

Let’s get the gargoyles out of the way. To reference Lindsay Ellis’s video (she’s a lot smarter than I am and breaks this down better than I ever could): yes, the comedy’s oft ill-timed and inappropriate… for an adult audience. And the primary demographic of Disney films, especially princess ones (obviously Esmeralda isn’t a princess, nor does she marry into royalty, nor is she included in the group of princesses in the dumpster fire that is Ralph Breaks the Internet, but I had a book imaginatively titled ‘Disney Princess Stories’ as a kid that included Esmeralda’s story alongside Belle’s and Ariel’s, so I’m calling her a princess), are kids. And kids love fart jokes.

Additionally, I have a theory-that-is-not-really-a-theory-but-a-pretty-obvious-thing-that-happens that the gargoyles are figments of Quasimodo’s imagination, and the, at times crass and ridiculous things they say are just the voices in Quasimodo’s head (THIS IS OBVIOUS, STINA, YOU HAVEN’T STUMBLED ACROSS A STARTLING NEW REVELATION); maybe what he imagines normal townspeople to act like.

And then we have Judge Judy Chrissy Teigen Frollo. This dude is the embodiment of pure evil. He’s bigoted and rapey and abusive and one of Disney’s most successful villains- even better than Mother Gothel, who previously held the crown. It’s rare that a villain genuinely terrifies me, especially a cartoon one. Frollo, unlike your typical fairytale antagonist who wants power/fame/fortune/to overthrow Olympus, is far more sinister; driven from deep-rooted hatred instead of plain greed. He’s so much closer to people in positions of power and authority even in the modern world, and that element of reality makes him so much better as an antagonist instead of a literal sheep who hates carnivores (seriously, Disney, enough with the twist villains- they’re not working out).

Also, Hellfire slaps. In fact, the entire soundtrack does.

Speaking about Hellfire, I love the contrast between that and Heaven’s Light; how Esmeralda is viewed by Frollo (an object to possess, “Destroy Esmeralda, and let her taste the fires of hell; or else, let her be mine and mine alone”) as opposed to Quasimodo (someone with free will, “I dare to dream that she might even care for me”).

Another argument brought up, and admittedly one I had as a child was, ‘but if the whole point of the movie is acceptance and love as opposed to lust, why didn’t Quasimodo get the girl?’ Which, years later, I realize is an extremely misogynistic way to look at it. As Princess Jasmine said four years before The Hunchback was released, she is not a prize to be won. Quasimodo is Frollo’s antithesis; he lets Esmeralda choose, and she chose Phoebus. And Quasimodo accepted that, because he is good and kind and sweet and loving. Severus Snape, take note.

On a sidenote, I’m always kind of caught out of left field when the plot in films moves really fast- I’m really not a movie-watching type; I prefer to read, and books usually indicate how much time passes from one main plot point to another, and there are little slice-of-life, filler parts that tie in to character development and moving the plot forward, but at a snail’s pace. So, whenever I’m watching a movie and it’s one important event after another, I usually haven’t had enough of a refractory period to process it.

Let’s pretend that I segued smoothly into the next part of this (already tedious and long drawn out) review.

The Hunchback is the darkest film I’ve ever seen come out from Disney. Re-watching it as an adult made me pause every so often and wonder why the hell I wasn’t traumatized by it as a kid. I mean, the whole movie kicks off with Frollo about to throw an infant down a well. And then there’s that horrifying shot of the stone renditions of the Israelite kings on the church walls. Frollo falls to his death into fire. I mean, good riddance, but still. I guess it’s because the kids’ shows of today are awfully censored and polished so kids don’t have nightmares forevermore.

Update: tried to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Exited just as fast as I clicked on it. Disney sequels really ain’t shit (yes, I’m looking at you, Frozen 2).

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aloera · 3 years ago

Note

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

#AHH ive wanted to answer these for so long...... bro fr i was so happy when u sent these!!! like wow!! finally got sent one!!!#sorry for how long the responses are idk how to be concise #asks #anon #a(lore)a

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vajranam · 4 years ago

Text

Cakkavattisihananda Sutta

The Lion’s Roar on the Turning of the Wheel

Thus Have I Heard:

Once the Lord was staying among the Magadhans at Matula. Then he said: ‘Monks!’

‘Lord,’ they replied, and the Lord said:

‘Monks, be islands unto yourselves, be a refuge unto yourselves with no other refuge. And how does a monk dwell on an island unto himself, as a refuge unto himself with no other refuge, with Dhamma as his island, with the Dhamma as his refuge, with no other refuge? Here, a monk abides contemplating body as body, ardent, clearly aware and mindful, having put aside hankering and fretting for the world, he abides contemplating feelings as feelings… mind as mind… mind-objects as mind-objects, ardent, clearly aware and mindful, having put aside hankering and fretting for the world.

Keep to your own preserves, monks, to your ancestral haunts. If you do so, then Mara will find no lodgement, no foothold. It is just by the building up of wholesome states that this merit increases.

Once, monks, there was a wheel turning monarch named Dalhanemi, a righteous monarch of the law, conqueror of the four quarters, who had established the security of his realm and was possessed of the seven treasures. These are: The Wheel Treasure, the Elephant Treasure, the Horse Treasure, the Jewel Treasure, the Female Treasure, the Householder Treasure, and, as seventh, the Treasure of Advisors. He has more than a thousand sons who are heroes, of heroic stature, conquerors of the hostile army. He dwells having conquered this sea-girt land without stick or sword, by the law.

And, after many hundreds and thousands of years, King Dalhanemi said to a certain man: "My good man, whenever you see that the sacred wheel treasure has slipped from its position, report it to me."

"Yes Sire," the man replied. And after many hundreds and thousands of years the man saw that the sacred wheel treasure had slipped from its position. Seeing this, he reported the fact to the king. Then King Dalhanemi sent for his eldest son, the crown prince, and said: "My son, the sacred wheel treasure has slipped from its position. And I have heard say that when this happens to a wheel turning monarch he has not much longer to live. I have had my fill of human pleasures, now is the time to seek heavenly pleasures. You, my son, take over control of this Ocean Bounded Land I will shave off my hair and beard, don yellow robes, and go forth from the household life into homelessness." And, having installed his eldest son in due form as king, King Dalhanemi shaved off his hair and beard, donned yellow robes, and went forth the household life into homelessness. And, seven days after the Royal Sage had gone forth, the sacred Wheel Treasure vanished.

Then a certain man came to the anointed Khattiya King and said, "Sire, you should know that the sacred Wheel Treasure has disappeared." At this the king was grieved and felt sad. He went to the Royal Sage and told him the news. And the royal sage said to him, "My son, you should not grieve or feel sad at the disappearance of the wheel treasure. The Wheel Treasure is not an heirloom from your fathers. But now, my son, you must turn yourself into an Ariyan wheel turner. And then it may come about that, if you perform the duties of an Ariyan Wheel Turning Monarch, on the fast day of the fifteenth, when you have washed your head and gone up to the Verandah on top of your palace for the fast day, the sacred Wheel Treasure will appear to you, thousand spoked, complete with felloe, hub and all accessories."

"But what, sire, is the duty of an Ariyan wheel turning monarch?"

"It is this, my son: Yourself depending on the Dhamma, honoring it, revering it, cherishing it, doing homage to it and venerating it, having the Dhamma as your badge and banner, acknowledging the Dhamma as your master, you should establish guard, ward and protection according to Dhamma for your own household, your troops, your nobles and vassals, for Brahmins and householders, town and country folk, ascetics and Brahmins, for beasts and birds. Let no crime prevail in your kingdom, and to those who are in need, give property. And whatever ascetics and Brahmins in your kingdom have renounced the life of sensual infatuation and are devoted to forbearance and gentleness, each one tamping himself, each one calming himself and each one striving for the end of craving, if from time to time they should come to you and consult you as to what is wholesome and what is unwholesome, what is blameworthy and what is blameless, what is to be followed and what is not to be followed, and what action will in the long run lead to harm and sorrow., and them to avoid evil and do what is good. That, my son, is the duty of an Ariyan Monarch."

"Yes Sire," Said the king, and he performed the duties of an Ariyan wheel-turning Monarch. Andas he did so, on the Fast Day of the fifteenth, when he had washed his head and gone up to the verandah on top of his palace for the fast day, the sacred wheel treasure appeared to him, thousand spoked, complete with felloe, hub, and all accessories. Then the King thought, "I have heard that when a duly anointed Khattiya King sees such a wheel on the fast day of the fifteenth, he will become a wheel turning monarch. May I become such a Monarch!"

Then, rising from his seat, covering one shoulder with his robe, the King took a gold vessel in his left hand, sprinkled the Wheel with his right hand, and said: "May the noble Wheel Treasure turn, may the noble Wheel Treasure conquer!" The Wheel Turned to the east, and the King followed it with his fourfold army. And in whatever country the Wheel stopped, the King took up residence with his fourfold army. And those who opposed him in the eastern region came and said: "Come, Your Majesty, Welcome! We are yours, Your Majesty. Rule us, your Majesty." And the King said: "Do not take life. Do not take what is not given. Do not commit sexual misconduct. Do not tell lies. Do not drink strong drink. Be moderate in eating." And those who had opposed him in the Eastern Region became his subjects.

Then the Wheel turned south, west, and north, each time resulting in like manner. Then the Wheel Treasure, having conquered the lands from sea to sea, returned to the royal capital and stopped before the King’s Palace as he was trying a case, as if to adorn the royal palace.

And a second wheel turning monarch did likewise, and a third, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, and a seventh king also … told a man to see of the wheel had slipped from its position. And seven days after the Royal Sage had gone forth, the wheel disappeared.

Then a man came to the King and said: "Sire, you should know that the sacred wheel treasure has disappeared."

At this the king was grieved and felt sad. But he did not go to the Royal Sage and ask him about the duties of a wheel turning monarch. Instead, he ruled the people according to his own ideas, and, being so rules, the people did not prosper so well as they had done under the previous kings who had performed the duties of a wheel turning monarch. Then the ministers, counselors, treasury officials, guards and doorkeepers, and the chanters of mantras came to the King and said: "Sire, as long as you rule the people according to your own ideas, and differently from the way they were ruled before under previous wheel turning monarchs, the people do not prosper so well. Sire, there are ministers…in your realm, including ourselves, who have persevered the knowledge of how a wheel turning king should rule. Ask us, Your Majesty, and we will tell you!"

Then the King ordered all the ministers and others to come together, and he consulted them. And they explained to him the duties of a wheel turning monarch. And having listen to them, the King established guard and protection, but he did not give property to the needy, and as a result poverty became rife. With the spread of poverty, a man took what was not given, thus committing what was called theft. They arrested him, and brought him before the king, saying: "Your Majesty, this man took what was not given, which we call theft." The King said to him: "Is it true that you took what was not given – which is called theft?"

"It is, your Majesty."

"Why?"

"Your Majesty, I have nothing to live on."

Then the King gave the man some property, saying, "With this, my good man, you can keep yourself, support your mother and father, keep a wife and children, carry on a business and make gifts to ascetics and Brahmins, which will promote your spiritual welfare and lead to a happy rebirth with pleasant result in a heavenly sphere."

"Very Good, Your Majesty." Replied the man.

And exactly the same thing happened with another man.

Then people heard that the King was giving away property to those who took what was not given and they thought: "Suppose we were to do likewise!" and then another man took what was not given, and they brought him before the king. The King asked him why he had done this, and he replied: "Your Majesty, I have nothing to live on." Then the King thought: "If I give property to everybody who takes what is not given, this theft will increase more and more. I had better make an end of him, finish him off once for all, and cut his head off." So he commanded his men: ‘Bind this man’s arms tightly behind him with a strong rope, shave his head closely, and lead him to the rough sound of a drum through the streets and squares and out through the southern gate, and there finish by inflicting the capital penalty and cutting off his head!" And they did so.

Hearing about this, people thought: "Now let us get sharp swords made for us, and then we can take from anybody what is not given, which is called theft, we will make an end of them, finish them off once for all and cut off their heads." So, having procured some sharp swords, they launched murderous assaults on villages, towns and cities, and went in for highway-robbery, killing their victims by cutting off their heads.

Thus, from not giving of property to the needy, poverty became rife, from the growth of poverty, the taking of what was not given increased, from the increase of theft, the use of weapons increased, from the increased use of weapons, the taking of life increased – and from the increase in the taking of life, people’s life span decreased, their beauty decreased, and as a result of this decrease of life-span and beauty, the children of those whose life span had been eighty thousand years lived only forty thousand.

And a man of the generation that lived for forty thousand years took what was not given. He was brought before the king, who asked him: "Is it true that you took what as not given – what is called theft?"

"No, your majesty." He replied, thus telling a deliberate lie.

Thus, from the not giving of property to the needy,… the taking of life increased, and from the taking of life, lying increased, from the increase in lying, peoples life span decreased, their beauty decreased, and as a result the children of whose life span had been forty thousand years lived only twenty thousand.

And a man of the generation that lived for twenty thousand years took what was not given. Another man denounced him to the King saying, "Sire, such and such a man has taken what was not given."

Thus, from the not giving property to the needy… the speaking evil of others increased, and in consequence, peoples life span decreased, their beauty decreased, and as a result the children of those whose life span had been twenty thousand years lived only for ten thousand.

And of the generation that lived for ten thousand years, some were beautiful, and some where ugly. And those who were ugly, being envious of those who were beautiful, committed adultery with others wives.

Thus from the not giving of property to the needy… sexual misconduct increased, and in consequence people’s life spans decreased, their beauty decreased, and as a result, the children of those whose life span had been ten thousand years lived only five thousand.

And among the generation whose life span was five thousand years, two things increased: Harsh speech and idle chatter, in consequence of which people’s life span decreased, their beauty decreased, and as a result, the children of those whose life span had been five thousand years live, some for two and a half thousand years, and some for only two thousand.

And among the generation whose life span was two and a half thousand years, covetousness and hatred increased, and in consequence people’s life span decreased, their beauty decreased, and as a result the children of those whose life span had been two and a half thousand years lived for only a thousand.

Among the generation of a thousand year life spans, false opinions increased, and as a result, their children lived for only five hundred. Among that generation three things increased: incest, excessive greed, and deviant practices…and as a result their children lived for only two hundred and fifty years, and some for only two hundred. Among those people, there was a lack of respect for parents, teachers, and sovereign and because of this their children’s beauty decreased, and their life span decreased to one hundred years.

Monks, there will come a time when the children of these people will have a life span of ten years, and with them girls will be marriageable at five years old. And with them, these flavors will disappear: ghee, butter, salt, sesame oil, molasses and salt. Among them, Kudrusa grain will be their chief food, just as rice an curry are today. And with them, the ten courses of moral conduct will completely disappear, and the ten courses of evil will prevail exceedingly: for those of the ten year life span, there will be no word for "moral," so how can there be anyone who acts in a moral way? Those people who have no respect for their parents, for teachers, for sovereign. Will be ones who enjoy honor and prestige. Just as it is now the people who show respect for their parents, for teachers, for sovereign who are praised and honored, so will it be with people who do the opposite.

Among those of a ten year life span no account will be taken of mother or aunt, or of sister in law, or of teachers wife, or fathers wives and so on – all will be promiscuous in the world like sheep and goats, chickens and hogs, wolves and dogs. Among them, fierce enmity will prevail one for another, fierce hatred, fierce anger and thoughts of killing, mother against child and child against mother, father against child and likewise – brother against brother, brother against sister, just as a hunter feels against the beast he stalks.

And for those of a ten year life span, there will come to be a "sword interval" of seven days, during which they will mistake each other for wild beasts. Sharp swords will appear in their hands and, thinking, "There is an untamed beast!" they will take each others little lives with those swords. But there will be some beings who will think: "Let us not kill or be killed by anyone! Let us make for some grassy thickets or jungle hideaways, or clumps of trees, or for rough rivers, or for difficult mountains, and there live on roots and fruits of the forest." And this they will do for seven days. Then, at the end of the seven days they will emerge from their hiding places and rejoice together of one accord, saying, "Good beings, I see that you are alive!" and then the thought will occur to those beings: "It is only because we became addicted to evil ways that we suffered this loss of our kindred, so now let us do good! What good can we do? Let us abstain from the taking of life, and, having undertaken this good thing, will practice it. And through having undertaken such wholesome things, they will increase in life span and beauty. And their children will live for twenty years, while they had only lived for ten.

Then it will occur to those beings: "It is through having taken to wholesome practices that we have increased in lifespan and beauty, so let us perform still more wholesome practices. Let us refrain from taking what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from untruthful speech, from idle chatter, from covetousness, from ill-will, from wrong views, let us abstain from [all of the things that brought about this calamity] and let us persevere in these wholesome actions."

And so they will do these things, and on account of this they will increase in life span and in beauty. The children whose life spans were twenty years will live to be forty, of forty, eighty, of eighty, one hundred and sixty, of one hundred and sixty, three hundred and twenty, etc., and in time their children will attain to eighty thousand years.

Among the people with an eighty thousand year life span, girls will become marriageable at five hundred. And such people will know only three kinds of disease: greed, fasting, and old age. And in the time of those people this continent of Jambudvipa will be powerful and prosperous, and villages, towns, and cities will be but a raven’s flight one from the next. This Jambudvipa, like Avici, will be as thick with people as the jungle is thick with reeds and rushes. At that time the Varanasi of today will be a royal city called Ketumati, powerful and prosperous, crowded with people and well supplied. In Jambudvipa there will be eighty-four thousand cities headed by Ketumati as the Royal Capital.

And in the time of the people with eighty thousand year life span, there will arise in the capital city of Ketumati a king called Sankha, a wheel turning monarch, a righteous ruler of the law, conqueror of the four quarters who had established the security of his realm and was possessed of the seven treasures. These are: The Wheel Treasure, the Elephant Treasure, the Horse Treasure, the Jewel Treasure, the Female Treasure, the Householder Treasure, and, as seventh, the Treasure of Advisors. He has more than a thousand sons who are heroes, of heroic stature, conquerors of the hostile army. He dwells having conquered this sea-girt land without stick or sword, by the law.

And in that time of the people with an eighty thousand year life span, there will arise in the world a blessed lord, an arahant fully enlightened Buddha named Metteyya (Maitreya, Sanskrit), endowed with wisdom and conduct, a well farer, knower of the worlds, incomparable trainer of men to be tamed, teacher of gods and men, enlightened and blessed, just as I am now… Then King Sankha will re-erect the long lost palace of King Maha Panada, which was drowned in the Ganges, and, having lived in it, he will give it up and present it to the ascetics and Brahmins, the beggars, the wayfarers, the destitute. Then, shaving off hair and beard, he will don a yellow robe and go forth from the householders life into homelessness under the supreme Buddha Maitreya. Having gone forth, he will remain alone, in seclusion, ardent, eager and resolute, and before long he will have attained in this very life, by his own super-knowledge and resolution, that unequalled goal of the holy life, for the sake of which young men of good family go forth from the household life into homelessness, and will abide therein.

Keep to your own preserves, monks, to your ancestral haunts. If you do so, your life span will increase, your wealth will increase, your beauty will increase, your happiness will increase, and your power will increase.

And what is the length of life for a monk? Here, a monk develops the road to power which is concentration of intention accompanied by effort of will, the road to power which is concentration of energy… the road to power which is concentration of consciousness… the road to power which is concentration of investigation accompanied by effort of will. By frequently practicing these four roads to power he can, if he wishes, live for a full century, or the remaining part of a century. This is what I call Length of Life for a monk.

And what is beauty for a monk? Here, a monk practices right conduct, is restrained according to the discipline, is perfect in behavior and habits, sees danger in the slightest fault, and trains un the rules of training he has undertaken. That is beauty for a monk/

And what is happiness for a monk? Here, a monk, detached from sense-desires…enters the four jhanas, purified by equanimity and mindfulness. That is happiness for a monk.

And what is wealth for a monk? Here, a monk, with his heart filled with loving kindness, dwells suffusing one quarter, the second, the third, the fourth. Thus he dwells suffusing the whole world, upwards, downwards, across –everywhere, always with a mind filled with loving kindness, abundant, unbounded, without hate or ill will. This is wealth for a monk.

And what is power for a monk? Here a monk, by the destruction of the corruptions, enters into and abides in that corruption-less liberation of heart and liberation by wisdom which he has attained, in this very life, by his own super knowledge and realization. That is power for a monk.

Monks, I do not consider any power so hard to conquer as the power of Mara. It is just by this building up of wholesome states that this merit increases.

Thus the Lord spoke, and the monks were delighted and rejoiced at his words.

#spirituality #mindfulness #religion #wisdom #meditation #buddhism #self care #visualization #zen #tibet

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joonie-beanie · 5 years ago

Text

Connected

Summary: A bond that can’t be broken + Friends to Lovers

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: A lot of fluff, a splash of smut, and a hint of angst

Word Count: 18,260

A/N: This fic was one that I started a long while ago. Because of school, and a lack of motivation to write, I picked it up and put it down a lot. Finally, it’s done.

I really enjoyed creating something that feels so pure in nature. I hope you guys enjoy it.

**In the event that you’re unable to load the fic on the mobile app, please try desktop! I learned from Act On It that the app has trouble loading long posts!**

You’ve always hated the country.

For the most part.

The stretching fields, the dirt roads—the smell of cow manure and the decrepit barns and abandoned houses. Your parents had always tried to convince you that getting away from the city—seeing vast land like this—was a good thing. Taking the back roads and exploring were things that children were supposed to enjoy. An adventure to find things yet seen—but to you, one corn field is the same as the next. The faded red barns and boarded up houses become an eyesore.

You really hate coming out of the city and into the country.

The only thing here that you like is your grandmother.

Oh, and the boy next door.

Your grandmother has always lived out in the country—a peaceful area to retire, with few neighbors and little disturbances. She likes it here, and you doubt that she’ll ever move. And sure—coming out to visit her isn’t all bad. She feeds you and plays games with you. Stocks up on movies for the two of you to watch, and makes spending the day with her fun.

You love your grandmother, and visiting her—but you start to love it more the day you meet Taehyung.

One day, your father parks in the driveway in front of your grandmother’s ranch-style home. He reminds you to grab your overnight bag as you climb out of the car—the ripe age of 8 and a half. You reach back in to grab it as your father closes the driver’s side door and moseys up the drive.

After swinging your bag over your shoulder, you reach up to slide your door shut, but pause once your hand touches the handle. On a whim, you glance back at the main road, eyes catching on a small figure across the street.

In the country, houses aren’t very close, but you can still make out the little boy standing in the lawn of the house parallel to you grandmothers. His dirt splotched overalls are cuffed around his ankles, red shirt sagging off his shoulder, and black hair messy on his head. He’s staring at you with amazement written on his face, and before you know it a blush has risen on your cheeks.

You don’t realize it until later on—what the heat on your face and the flutter of your heart meant (because crushes are a little hard to figure out, in your opinion)—but that’s the moment you saw him.

Kim Taehyung.

Your father calls after you, and you hear your grandmother open the front door. Snapping out of it, you slide the car door shut and run inside.

You don’t see Kim Taehyung until you come back to visit 2 months later.

This time, he appears much, much closer. On the front porch of your grandmother’s house, in fact—hidden behind his own grandmother’s leg shyly.

“Oh, Taehyung here says that he saw your granddaughter last time she came to visit and wanted to play. But he’s a little shy,” his grandmother says, smiling fondly as she reaches down to ruffle the boys hair.

“Oh, Y/N is a little shy too,” your grandmother laughs, placing her hand on your shoulder. “But what do you say? Would you like to play with Taehyung today?”

Your eyes flit to Taehyung, excitement and anxiousness mingling in your veins. Trying to make new friends has always been scary to you, but…

“Yes,” you say, watching as Taehyung immediately perks up—smile breaking out on his face.

“C’mon!” he shouts and reaches forward, clasping your hand in his. He tugs you right out the front door and onto the grass, beaming a box-shaped grin as he makes his way back towards the road.

“I have some action figures we can play with!” he declares as his grandmother promises to have you home by dinner in the background. “Nana just got me a new game too! It’s a game with marbles and I’m still learning it but I think it’d be fun!”

For a moment, you simply stare at him—caught off guard by his friendly demeanor, when just seconds ago he had been acting much shyer than you. And yet—

His smile is contagious, and you laugh, nodding your head as he leads you across the dirt road—hands still clasped tight.

“Let’s play with it all!”

You tell your dad that you want to start visiting grandma more. With a knowing smile, he says that he’ll try to work it out.

Taehyung is your best friend. Some people at school don’t believe that your best friend is a boy who lives in the country. In fact, the mean girls’ claim that he’s made up—an imaginary friend that you say exists since you only have a select few friends at school. But, you know that he’s real.

The warmth of his hand in yours as you walk around the field behind his grandmother’s house is proof enough.

Between the ages of 8-10, you are able to visit Taehyung quite frequently. Your parents work out a play date schedule with his grandmother, and at least once a month you’re able to drive out of the busy city and into the quiet country to visit him.

Since Taehyung lives with his grandmother, but your grandmother only gets to see you so often, there’s a bit of a rule—

“Make sure to spend time with your grandma too, Y/N. I know Taehyung is fun, but your grandma loves you very much and would love to spend time with you as well.”

So, you make sure to tell Taehyung that you can only play with him until dinner. He’s unperturbed.

“Let’s just ask your grandma if I can spend the night then!”

He takes your hand and leaps into action. You’re shocked at his declaration, but blushing at the thought of being able to spend even more time with him. And when Taehyung runs through the front door of your grandmother’s house and loudly exclaims his idea to her, she only laughs and smiles fondly.

“You won’t be able to spend the night all the time, Taehyung, but I’ll let you spend the night tonight, okay?” She places a hand on his dark hair that has turned a little brown thanks to the exposure of the sun, and grins at you when your eyes sparkle with excitement. “Just go home and make sure it’s alright with your Nana.”

Taehyung nods so quickly you think his neck might snap, and the next second he’s out the door.

That night, the three of you feast on grilled cheese and tomato soup. Your grandmother puts on the Lion King for you both to watch, and you sit hip to hip, shrouded in a thick blanket while your grandmother knits in the corner. When the scary parts happen, you reach for Taehyung’s hand under the blanket, and he holds you tight.

Once the movie is done, and the sun has set, your grandmother tucks you both into the double bed in the guest bedroom. She asks if Taehyung wants to use the pullout bed to have more room, but you’re both quick to interject, saying that sharing the bed will be fine.

Your grandmother only smiles.

“Goodnight, Y/N. Goodnight, Taehyung.”

“Goodnight!” you both chorus, and your grandmother flicks the light off and closes the door. Taehyung rolls to face you. In the darkness, you feel his lips touch your forehead.

“Tae!” you squeal quietly, jumping in shock as you quickly bring your fingers up to touch your head. Your cheeks feel as if they’re on fire, but Taehyung doesn’t seem to realize that he’s done anything out of the ordinary.

“What? My Nana always gives me a kiss before I go to bed!”

“O-Oh,” you stutter, wondering if Taehyung can hear the pounding of your heart in your chest. “Okay.”

It’s silent for a few seconds.

Taehyung shifts against the sheets.

“Can you…um…are you gonna give me one back?”

The heat from your cheeks creeps down your neck.

You’ve never kissed a boy before…

“I…I can. Do you want me to?”

“Mhmm,” he answers, and you wonder if he’s blushing like you are. His tone sounds shyer than before.

You take a deep breath and puff out your chest, trying to calm your frazzled 10 year old nerves. This is just Taehyung—your best friend, and…the boy…you like.

Before you can think to back out and hide yourself away in embarrassment, you lean forward and press your puckered lips to his forehead. His bangs are in the way, since you hadn’t thought to move them, but Taehyung seems satisfied nonetheless.

“Thanks,” he says, snuggling into his pillow. You nod to yourself, settling back down. The moonlight coming through the window is dim, but you wonder if it’s enough for Taehyung to see how red your face has become.

You feel his warmth spreading against the sheets, and your knees knock together. Taehyung yawns, suddenly sounding quite tired.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Tae,” you respond, closing your own eyes as exhaustion from a day of fun begins to sink into your bones. Outside, you hear the chirping of crickets and the muted calls of cicadas. The sounds begin to lull you into slumber. However, just before you fall asleep—

“I love you…,” you catch the words mumbled by Taehyung, and mentally question if perhaps the boy has forgotten that he’s not at his grandmother’s home. But either way—

“I love you too,” you respond in a whisper, too tired to be embarrassed, and promptly pass out.

Taehyung is a year older than you, so he starts middle school a year sooner. According to him, middle school is a lot harder than elementary school. You come to believe him when his grandmother sadly tells you that you won’t be able to come over and play as much, since Taehyung needs to focus on his studies. You tell her that you understand, but a part of you doesn’t want to.

Either way, you give Taehyung a hug and wish him good luck before running back across the road to spend the afternoon with your grandma.

Your trips to the countryside lessen—cut in half. You see Taehyung perhaps once every two months, and in order to try and make up for his lack of appearances in your life, the two of you begin substituting play dates for phone calls.

Once a week, Taehyung and you sit down and talk for an hour. He tells you all about middle school and the friends he’s made and the kids who aren’t exactly nice to him. In return, you tell him about how you’re looking forward to starting middle school next year, and how you’ll always protect him from bullies. He laughs and assures you the same.

For a time, you think that this substitution will work just fine. Except…you miss him, and talking to him on the phone makes you miss him more.

You want to see him—his skin that is tan from the sun and his clothes that are always a little dirty from helping his grandmother tend to the field. His voice gives you comfort, but nothing can replace the feel of his hand in yours and the way he smile so brightly every time he sees you…

“Y/N?” Taehyung questions when he hears you sniffle on the other end of the line. “Are you okay?”

From the comfort of your home, you shake your head. Tears roll down your rosy cheeks, and you curl into yourself, bottom lip trapped between your teeth. Taehyung’s heart breaks, worry flooding his chest as he listens to you try and stifle your sobs. He attempts to calm you down, asking again what’s wrong, and it takes a minute before you’re able to gather any words to say.

“I miss you,” you sob, quiet and broken, and Taehyung jolts—as if to jump through the phone and give you the biggest hug he possibly can.

“I miss you too,” he says after a few seconds, and you can hear the sadness in his voice. “But we’ll definitely see each other again, Y/N. I promise.”

“Promise?” you echo, messily wiping the tears off your cheeks with your palm.

“I promise. Even if it isn’t on the farm we’ll meet again. I’ll find a way.”

“Okay,” you respond with a smile, finally feeling reassured. “Good.”

“Now no more crying!” he declares, his tone goofy, and it immediately makes the mood brighten. “You should only smile when you think of me!”

You giggle. ”Okay, Tae, when I think of you, I’ll smile.”

Reclining back against his mattress, phone pressed to his ear, Taehyung blushes happily.

“Good.”

It takes a while, but you and Taehyung meet again. It’s not a planned meeting—in fact, it’s not exactly meant to happen, but you decide to make it happen.

“Y/N!” your father calls after you as you hop out of the car and run back down the drive way towards the dirt road. You pass a few cars on the way—those belonging to your aunts and uncles—but despite the fact that you have somewhere else to be your heart is alight with excitement.

“I’ll be right back!” you call to your parents as they watch you run across the street, shaking their heads. “I just wanna say hi!”

“Don’t be too long! You’re not here to play!” your mother responds, and you understand. You’re here for a family gathering, not to hang out with Taehyung.

…but still.

You hop onto the doorstep of the home of Taehyung’s grandmother, and knock at the door. You’re giddy with excitement, shoe tapping against the ground. It’s been over a year since you’ve seen Taehyung, and 6 months since the phone call where he’d promised that you’d see each other again.

You worry if he actually wants to see you, since it’s been so long, but oh—how you’ve missed him.

The door is pulled open, and a boy with short black hair stands before you. He blinks, brown eyes wide, and you have to glance up to meet his stare. His chest is broader and his legs are longer but—

“Taehyung?” you question, as if you’re deceived. How can one boy grow up so much in just one year? And yet, the sound of his name coming from your mouth has his signature grin breaking out on his lips, and he nods excitedly. His arms extend outwards, and he envelopes you in a tight hug, your feet nearly lifting off the ground.

“You’ve grown up,” you giggle against his shoulder, wrapping your arms around him in return. Taehyung laughs, leaning back, and there’s a blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, well, I’m almost 14. Puberty is finally starting to kick in, I guess,” he laughs, scratching at his cheek, and your eyes flit up to his hair.

“Your hair looks better this way,” you tell him, fingers lifting to comb through the short, black locks on his head. He no longer has the shaggy bowl cut you’ve always seen him with.

Taehyung blushes visibly at the compliment, the feeling of your fingers in his hair foreign, yet welcome. You toy with the soft strands for another few seconds before you notice the pink color on his cheeks, and you end up feeling quiet warm as well.

Quickly, you pull your hand back, and it’s at that moment that Taehyung’s grandmother appears over his shoulder.

“Oh! Y/N, it’s been so long!” she says, and Taehyung steps aside to give his grandmother room to hug you. She seems frailer than you remember, so you try not to squeeze too hard.

“Hi Grandma Kim, it’s nice to see you.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to show up again!” she exclaims, and then turns, heading back into the small home. “Wait right there, I’ve got something to give you!”

“Okay!” you respond as she disappears, and your eyes immediately return to Taehyung. He smiles, a fond twinkle in his eye.

“Is middle school as great as you thought it would be?” he questions, and you huff.

“Not exactly. It’s hard, and I have a lot of homework, but it’s still fun I guess. More teachers and more exciting classes.”

Taehyung’s eyes shift to the side, the sound of his grandmother coming back towards the door reaching his ears.

“Well, next year I’ll be in high school, so once school starts I’ll call and let you know what it’s like in comparison to middle school, if you want.”

“Of course!” you respond, beaming a smile, and at that moment Grandma Kim reappears.

“Here you go sweetie,” she says and reaches past Taehyung, slinging a thick red blanket around your shoulders. You blink, reaching up to secure the large blanket tighter around yourself. Grandma Kim smiles.

“I made it for you. You always did get cold in the winter, and the colder days are approaching.”

Your lips part, and you find yourself speechless. She…had made this for you and waited all this time…?

“Thank you…,” you say sincerely, and Grandma Kim ruffles your hair.

“Of course, sweetie. Now run on home—I bet the rest of your family is waiting for you.”

“Okay!” you nod, smiling, but when your eyes shift to Taehyung your smile wavers. You’d barely gotten to talk with him, and who knows when you’ll be able to meet him again…

You push forward and wrap your arms around him once more, squeezing him tightly. Taehyung blinks, caught off guard, but is quick to hug you back, his fingers digging into the fabric of the blanket around you.

“We’ll talk soon,” you tell him, and he nods.

“Alright,” you both pull back, but Taehyung doesn’t get too far. You feel the blanket on your shoulders shift, and Taehyung blinks in surprise as a loose thread follows the retreat of his body—curled tightly around one of his fingers.

“Ah—,” he pauses, head turning to look back at his grandmother, fearing that he’ll be in trouble for ruining the blanket she had put so much time into making, but his grandmother is far from mad. In fact, there’s a look of wonder on her face—one that lasts only a few seconds, before her eyes soften with understanding.

“You know, you two,” she begins, finger lightly tracing the unwoven strand that keeps you and Taehyung tied together. “It’s said that a red string connects two people that have linked fates.”

“Really?” you question, and she nods.

“Really. This just shows that no matter how far apart you two are, you’ll always be connected. Don’t you think so?”

You and Taehyung glance at each other, a soft blush having risen on both of your cheeks, and you smile. Together, the two of you bob your heads in unison. Grandma Kim smiles.

“Good,” she says, and unties the string from around Taehyung’s finger. At that moment, the door of your own grandmother’s house opens, and the voice of a child is heard.

“Y/N! Dinner! C’mon!”

“Coming, Kook!” you shout back, and take a step backwards, raising a hand to the two in front of you. “Bye, Tae. Bye Grandma Kim!”

“Bye!” Taehyung yells, waving back as you turn and jog across the street, red blanket fanning around you like a cape. A few seconds later, you disappear through the front door of your grandmother’s house, a small brown haired boy closing the door, and Taehyung feels a little empty again.

Little did either of you know that that would be your last time seeing each other.

You talk on the phone every so often still, but you’re both busy with school and clubs. Taehyung continues to help his grandma tend to the fields, and you’re busy with sports and homework, so over time your calls to one another slowly cease. You never forget about Taehyung, and sometimes you long to see him, but life is just too busy.

You turn 14, and Taehyung turns 15. You’re no longer at an age where it’s fun to spend the night at grandma’s house. You’d rather be hanging with your friends or playing video games at home. So, you really don’t go to your grandmother’s house anymore.

In fact, the next time you go to your grandmother’s house is after you visit her in the hospital—pale, and ill. She manages to remember your name, and you tell her you love her, breaking down in tears as you drive home that night. The next day, she passes away.

Her house has to be sold, and the whole family takes a day off to help pack up her belongs and get the house ready to be put on the market.

Taehyung recognizes your father’s car in the drive way from across the street, and jumps up to go and say hi. His grandmother stops him at the door, shakes her head no, and with a pout Taehyung stares out the front window, wishing he could see you.

That evening, you drive away from your grandmother’s house and never come back.

“Fuck,” you hiss as some of the coffee in your portable mug splashes across your fingers as you rush to lock the door to your apartment. With a loud sigh you set your coffee on the carpeted floor, bag and purse following right behind it, and move to try and lock your door again.

Outside you can hear the bustle of cars and honking of horns, signifying that today is just like any other Monday—a clusterfuck of everyone attempting to get to work on time.

Picking up your belongings—you’re careful to keep the hot coffee from spilling again as you head towards the elevator. The double doors slide shut behind you, and you descend to the ground floor of your apartment building.

The front desk manager you’ve come to know throughout your last 2 years living here smiles at you, wishing you good luck on the shoot today, and you know that you’ll need it.

Currently, you work as a photography assistant for a fashion magazine. It’s a lot of work, considering that you, the newbie, pretty much act as the rest of the staffs pack mule. According to your job description, you’re supposed to be helping with lighting, prop positioning, and overall arrangement of the set. And, to be fair, you typically do all those things on a daily basis, but…they also have you: running for coffee, assisting in the photo editing process, cleaning up the set, packing equipment, and a few other random jobs.

Truthfully, you don’t get paid enough for what you do. However, this is the only job that would hire you straight out of college that didn’t pay minimum wage, so for now you plan to stick through it and gain the experience.

Exiting your building, you turn left and head through the fairly crowded streets. You’re used to living in a suburban-city setting, since you’d grown up there, but metropolitan areas like this still overwhelm you at times.

The car your father had driven since your childhood is still sat in the driveway of your parent’s home two hours away. Your dad had offered to give it to you, since it was time for him to get a new one, but you’d sadly turned down his offer after you’d come to sign the lease for the apartment and seen how utterly useless a car would be in the traffic packed streets.

While you hate it, you travel quicker on foot.

Keeping stride, you make your way down the road. The studio is about 15 blocks away from your apartment building, so it’s not too terrible of a walk. At least, not until the sun is beating down on you unbearably, or the snow is up to your knees. During times like that, you sacrifice one of your meals out for the week and call an Uber instead.

However, today seems to be a pretty solid day considering you walk into work right on time with no delays.

You traverse the large, open space—greeting your coworkers with small smiles and many “good mornings”. The set is bustling like usual, everyone working to get lighting and props positioned. You’ve got two shoots planned today—one with a local upcoming actress in the morning, and one with a male model in the afternoon.

“Y/N! Go and grab the fan! I think we’ll need it,” the director shouts, and you call back in acknowledgement. Dropping your bag and drink off in a vacant chair, you jump into another busy day. But honestly, you don’t even mind.

Time flies. Between fetching things for the staff, setting up equipment, and whatever else—you rarely ever look at the clock. The actress arrives, the shoot commences, and before you know it someone is announcing that lunch is here.

You spend the much needed break munching on the catered sandwiches and scrolling through your phone. The actress thanks everyone for their work and departs. Once she’s gone, the director announces that the model should be arriving soon.

And so, lunchtime ends. You throw your trash away and move to help rearrange the set. Not much changes, but still—the photographer is particular, and especially so today.

“He’s very good looking, so I need to make sure everything is perfect,” you hear the middle aged woman say. She fiddles with her camera, and you’re tempted to roll your eyes. She’s never made a single mistake, but she’s stressing out because the model coming in is hot? Amazing.

Somewhere in the distance a metal door creaks open, and all attention turns in the direction of the entrance. The first person to step in must be the star of today’s shoot, because nearly all the women in the room swoon.

The model—whose name you unfortunately don’t remember—is indeed handsome. He’s tall and well proportioned—platinum blonde hair styled lazily, and glasses hanging off the tip of his nose. There’s a bored look on his face as he enters, eyes idling on the phone in his hand, but when the photographer happily calls his name he immediately looks up and plasters a smile on his face.

“V! How nice to see you!”

“Director, always a pleasure,” he responds charmingly, voice deeper than you had been expecting. As the two exchange pleasantries, you can’t help but stare. There’s…something so familiar about “V”. You can’t place it, because you’re sure you’d remember meeting a face like that, but…

“Hey,” your co-worker nudges you, sending you a little glare. “Stop ogling.”

You blush, holding up your hands defensively. “No, I’m not—it’s just—”

“Save your excuses,” she cuts you off, sneering. You’re a little shocked. You’ve never seen her like this before. It’s like she’s being…possessive?

“I…okay, my bad,” you settle on responding, and she nods in satisfaction—her attitude doing a complete 180 as V makes his way over. When he gets close enough, he politely bows, and you reciprocate dutifully. However, once he breezes past—heading over to where makeup and wardrobe are set up—you can’t help but stare after him.

Your eyebrows pinch together. There’s something about him…something familiar, but what?

You feel daggers being glared into your back and immediately avert your gaze from the model. Behind you, your coworker watches you like a hawk as you speed walk away from her and towards the set.

“Anything I can do to help?” you ask your director as she frets about. A handful of other people are tweaking props at her command.

She waves a hand at you. “I think we’re just about fine here. Why don’t you go and make sure V is comfortable—fetch him what he wants.”

You glance over your shoulder, spotting the coworker who had been glaring at you. She’s distracted now, but…

“Are you sure I should be doing that? Maybe—”

“You’ve done it fine before, so I trust you to take good care of him. V is one of my favorites,” she cuts you off, no room for argument. You frown.

“Is his name really V?”

At that, your director pauses, looking back at you curiously. You’re asking such a silly question during a time like this?

“No, of course not. It’s his modeling name.”

“Do you know his real name?” you ask, biting your lip. Something about V has a feeling of déjà vu lingering in the back of your head, but the memories won’t come forth. Maybe if you knew his name, then—

“I don’t know! I think it’s “Kim” something! Now go and do your job—we’ll be starting the shoot soon.”

You startle out of your thoughts, bowing to her in apology before scurrying off.

“Kim…,” you mumble aloud as you head towards where the model is seated, once again busying himself with his phone as the hair dresser circles around him. All of the sudden, your grandmother pops into mind—her wrinkled face smiling brightly as she greets you on the porch of her house.

You shake your head—why are you remembering her at a time like this? You’d mourned properly, there’s no reason—

“Did you need something?” a deep voice speaks, and you look up to find that you’re stood beside V. His eyes are boring into you, unamused. Embarrassment swims in your chest.

“I—yeah, sorry, my director wanted me to see if there’s anything I could get you before the shoot started.”

V eyes you a second, and then glances down at his phone. “I could use a coffee. 2 sugars.”

“Sure,” you respond, bowing, and then hurry towards the table in the back where the drinks are. Your face feels warm, and inside you feel a bit…hurt? You’ve never worked with V before, but he’s not as nice as you had hoped…it seems like the only one he’s willing to warm up to is the director, and that’s likely because she’s the one that’s going make his photos turn out well.

Reaching for a cup, you mindlessly pour in the freshly brewed coffee from the pot nearby and then grab two packets of sugar. After mixing the drink, you idle for a few seconds, and a coworker nearby taps your shoulder.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry!” you respond, laughing in embarrassment.

What the hell is up with you today? You’re never this distracted during shoots. It’s always business—what comes next, what can you do to help. So why is today any different?

Turning, you begin to head back towards where V is seated. You make it a few steps before a male in a chair nearby pushes up and approaches the model. He says something to V—something you’re too far away to hear—and the model sighs in aggravation, pushing up from the stylist’s chair.

“I told you to tell the company that I wasn’t interested in doing that shoot, Namjoon hyung.”

“I did, but they think it’ll be a good opportunity for you,” the taller male—likely his manager, by the sound of it—responds. V laughs bitterly.

“Fuck them.”

Namjoon clicks his tongue, narrowing his eyes at V in disappointment. “Taehyung, you know if I could I—”

Taehyung? The name echoes in your head, and your stride slows, eyes going wide. All of the sudden, clear as day, an image of your childhood friend flashes in your head. Silly smile, shaggy black hair—none of it’s the same as it was all those years ago, but—

“Taehyung,” you speak, his name wondrous on your tongue. There’s no doubt in your mind that it’s him. He has grown up, but it’s him. It’s your childhood friend—the boy who you’d loved and lost, thanks to the flurry of life.

It’s Taehyung.

Tears well in your eyes uncalled upon.

Hearing his name—his real name that not a lot of people know—Taehyung and his manager turn to look at you. The cup of coffee in your hand mindlessly slips from your fingers, hitting the ground and splashing hot liquid all over Taehyung and Namjoon’s shoes.

It takes a second, but you come to realize what you’ve done. Fear battles with nostalgic feelings of love inside your head as you debate how to react to the accident. However, when Taehyung frowns at you—judgement written in his gaze—the fear wins over.

“I’m so sor—”

“Seriously?” he cuts you off, sighing loudly. He bends to try and wipe some of the coffee off his shoes, and the hair stylist quickly offers him a rag. You remain standing there, shocked. You heart aches painfully, because this isn’t how you’d hoped this moment would go…

“V! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry about her!” the coworker who had glared at you earlier exclaims, swooping in with a handful of napkins. She gets on her knees and begins cleaning up the mess on the ground, all the while batting her eyes up at him.

“This never would have happened had I been the one to help you.”

All of the sudden, you’re aware of at least a dozen pairs of eyes on you. Everyone is watching to see how this will play out, and you’re sure none of them are aware of you inner turmoil.

You glance up to Taehyung, and his face only portrays annoyance. Suddenly, you no longer feel like long lost friends. You feel like he’s on a pedestal in front of you, and you’re some lowlife servant who had made a mistake.

Your bottom lip quivers.

You can’t handle this right now. The image of the boy you had loved during childhood compared to the current man in front of you are too stark a contrast. You feel like you’re drowning in your emotions.

Not daring to say another word, you bow a full 90 degrees, and then turn on your heel and head for the door.

“Y/N, wait--!” your co-director calls, one of the nicer people on set. There’s a sliver of sympathy in his eyes as he watches you, but it’s not enough to make you stay.

Hurriedly, you gather up your bags. Somewhere in the background you hear your name again. It’s spoken slowly—in confusion.

“Y/N?” Taehyung’s brows knit in confusion, his gaze glancing from the co-director to you. Your back is tense as you hurry to escape, and Taehyung finds himself regarding you closer now—the way your hair moves, the color of your eyes, the fullness of your lips—

His eyes widen—dread pooling in his gut. There’s no way…

“Y/N,” he says again, realization dawning on him. This time you glance over your shoulder, briefly meeting his eyes. You can see the wonder in his gaze as his face goes slack, but all he can see in yours is hurt. His heart aches.

You exit the building. Taehyung’s fingers twitch at his sides—his stare still lingering on the door where you had disappeared.

For a moment, he’s enthralled. His heart begins to race. He’s finally found you, after all this time! But…

He places his face in his hands, a groan muffled in the back of his throat. He had fucked up.

Dammit! He thinks, wishing he could kick himself in the ass. Of all the days for you to walk back into his life, it’d been the one where he’d allowed his frustrations to get the best of him.

His company had been pestering him for days about doing more risqué photoshoots—ones that he had expressed no interest in doing—but they’d been accepting invitations behind his back. Today his anger about the situation had finally boiled over…

“V?” The director asks, voice close, and Taehyung suddenly remembers that he’s on a photoshoot. Taking a deep breath, he looks up and flashes the director a smile.

“Sorry about that. Can we start the shoot? I’d like to get home and rest. I’m not feeling too well.”

“Of course!” she responds, and immediately the crew is bustling to get to their places. When Taehyung is no longer surrounded by onlookers, he allows his shoulder to droop in defeat. Beside him, Namjoon quietly speaks up.

“That didn’t happen to be the love of your life from ages 9 to 15 that you just yelled at, did it? The one you bring up at least half a dozen times a week? The one—”

“Yes, hyung,” Taehyung cuts him off, glaring a little. He doesn’t need to be reminded of his dumb-assery right now.

Namjoon blinks.

“Oh…that’s rough, buddy.”

If glares could kill, Namjoon would be dead.

When you get back to your apartment, you promptly drop your bags onto the floor, kick off your shoes, and order a large pizza for one. Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you settle into your couch, wrapping yourself in your favorite blanket.

“I’m an idiot,” you sob into cushions. Taehyung’s angry face pops into your head, and your heart breaks a little. Realizing that V was Taehyung had made you so…excited and giddy! After all this time you’d finally managed to meet him again! Despite the years apart you had never forgotten about him, and had hoped that you’d be able to find him and reunite but…

To think it would happen like this.

You weep grossly, feeling frustrated with yourself that you’re so upset over one bad reunion. So what if you’d imagined marrying him? So what if you’d envisioned an entire life together? That was when you’d been kids, and…and…

People change.

You just hadn’t expected Taehyung to change so much.

Sitting up, you reach for the box of tissues on the coffee table in front of you.

Obviously Taehyung had grown up to be quite the looker. You had never imagined him with glasses and colored hair—standing there looking like a proportioned god, but…what had happened to his happy-go-lucky personality? The Taehyung you know would never yell at anyone. He would have walked onto the set with a bright and sunny smile—greeting everyone and even offering to help if he could.

You dab your eyes. Perhaps its best, then, that he’d given you a hard awakening today.

“Mm,” you nod to yourself, feeling a little bit better. Even if this wasn’t what you had been hoping for, it’s good that you’d learned the truth. Now you can stop holding onto all those feelings of longing. The Taehyung you know clearly isn’t the Taehyung of the present.

You blow your nose in a second tissue, desperately trying to convince yourself that that’s the correct way to be thinking right now. And yet—

The look on Taehyung’s face when he’d realized who you were pops into your head, and your heart foolishly holds onto some hope.

He had looked regretful towards the end, but that still doesn’t change the things he’d done and said.

Suddenly your doorbell rings, and you look up to find that an hour has already passed.

“Shit!” you hiss, remembering the pizza you’d ordered. You struggle to unwrap yourself from the blanket, yelling towards the door when the bell rings again.

“Coming! One sec!”

You finally get to your feet and scuttle to where you’d abandoned your purse. You grab a 20, spare another second to make sure you look like you haven’t been having a breakdown, and then run to the door.

The pizza delivery guy forces a smile when you greet him, simply telling you your total. You hand him the 20 and tell him to keep the change, and he’s gone as soon as the pizza box is in your arms.

With the help of pizza, and perhaps a shot or two, you’re sure you’ll be able to get over the heartbreak of today’s events with Taehyung.

You grab a plate and drink from the kitchen before settling back into the couch. You then pull up Youtube on your TV, and search the type of video that never fails to make you laugh—vine compilations.

You’re about 3 compilations and 5 slices of pizza in when there’s a knock at your door.

You blink in surprise, reaching over to pause the video.

Who the fuck?

You hesitate in getting up, but decide that you’d better answer it. If it’s your neighbor two doors down—the one who always gives you shit for not answering your door, even if you’re not home—then you’d just be better talking to them now.

Standing up, you brush the crumbs off your shirt and head to the door. You don’t bother looking through the peephole—because who else would it be but a neighbor?—so when you pull open the door and find none other than Kim Taehyung standing there, you almost die.

“Um, hi,” he starts off, smiling a little awkwardly. You stare at him with unabashed surprise, frozen on your feet. He notices you glance back into your apartment, like you’re debating running away and locking him out, so Taehyung quickly speaks up.

“Okay, so first, I’m super sorry for just showing up like this! I asked the director to give me your contact info because I felt absolutely terrible about what happened earlier and I know if I had just called you to say sorry it wouldn’t have felt right, so I decided to pay you a visit instead. And I know that’s so fucking awkward,” he babbles, missing the way your eyes lighten.

“—But I really have wanted to see you all these years and to think that I was such an asshole to you earlier, I’m so so SO sorry. I promise you I’m not a huge stuck up prick, I’ve just been dealing with some stuff lately and I’ve been stressed out, so—”

“Shut up, you dumbass,” you interrupt him, and Taehyung goes silent when he feels your arms wrap around his neck. You hug him tightly, tears pooling into the fabric of his shirt. You know it’s sudden—to just jump on him like this, but…this is your Taehyung. Genuine and apologetic and awkward—everything you remember and everything you loved.

Butterflies flood Taehyung’s stomach, and he wastes no time hugging you back. He holds you like you’re his lifeline, fearing that if he lets go you’ll disappear for another decade.

“So…am I forgiven?” he asks hopefully and you laugh. Pulling back, you smack his chest, and he jolts.

“You embarrassed me in front of all my coworkers to the point I ran home crying,” you remind him, and his face saddens at hearing he’d made you cry. Immediately he looks like a scolded puppy.

“I don’t know how many time I can say sorry but if you pick a number I promise I’ll say it that many times,” he tells you, smiling a little when he hears you laugh. You glance up at him fondly, and Taehyung finally notices the redness in your eyes. It seems you’d been crying for a while…

Heart aching, he reaches down and grabs your hands—his thumbs soothing over your knuckles methodically. You eye him curiously, cheeks feeling warm. The two of you used to be intimate like this all the time, and it’d always made you blush. It seems like nothing has changed in that regard.

“I really am so sorry, Y/N. I would love if we could sit down and talk, and I understand if you’re not ready to forgive me yet. But please give me a chance.”

You shake your head at him, smiling. “You’re such an idiot. But…I missed you,” you admit shyly, squeezing his hands. The tips of Taehyung’s ears turn red at your admission.

“So yes, I’d love to sit down and talk. I think we’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

“Yes, we do,” Taehyung laughs, and your eyes meet for a few long seconds. Then, you both glance away. Taehyung coughs, stepping back and dropping your hands.

“So, um, I’ll text you? I got your number from the director, so…”

“Yeah, that sounds good!” you respond, taking a small step back into the threshold of your apartment. Taehyung smiles.

“Okay! I’ll text you soon then!”

“Okay,” you respond, feeling a little awkward as your heart begins to ache. A part of you doesn’t want him to leave. Taehyung must feel the same, for he lingers a moment too long.

“Well, ah, I guess I’ll actually go now.”

“Okay, Taehyung,” you say, your gaze fond, and Taehyung’s heart thrums. Finally, he turns on his heel and heads back towards the elevator, glancing over his shoulder once or twice to wave. Once he’s gone, you close the door to your apartment. Tears are welling up in your eyes once more. However, this time they aren’t due to sadness.

Making your way to your bedroom, you throw yourself onto the mattress and hug your pillow happily, a feeling of relief overwhelming you. Just hours ago you’d been planning to try and forget about Taehyung forever, but now…

You smile stupidly, more tears falling.

Now you can’t wait to see him again.

The next day, Namjoon fully expects Taehyung to walk out of his apartment building a stupid mess. Even if he had begged the director for your contact information, what kind of person would just forgive the guy who yelled at her for an honest mistake? And after he shows up at your apartment unannounced no less.

Sighing, Namjoon flicks through his Twitter feed, mentally preparing himself for another rough day. It’s already hard enough trying to delegate between Taehyung—who’s trying to preserve his values—and the agency—who wants to make money. Thanks to the ongoing feud, Taehyung has been in an irritable mood for quite some time now, and the only thing that seems to help ease the tension is when Namjoon brings up your name.

Honestly, before yesterday he really didn’t have the slightest clue of who you were besides the fact that Taehyung had been in love with you during childhood. He spoke of memories of you all the time—your name becoming one to remember even for Namjoon—who had no connection to you. Despite never being around the two of you during your time as kids, Namjoon had unknowingly come to support your friendship thanks to Taehyung’s reminiscing.

Which is why yesterday, when Taehyung had accidentally lost his cool and sent you running, Namjoon’s heart had ailed. He’d always imagined the two of you reuniting like long lost lovers in a cheesy romance movie—all smiles, with roses blooming in the background. Not…spilled coffee, and hurtful words.

I better try my best to cheer him up today, Namjoon thinks to himself, glancing up from his seat in the back of the taxi. His timing is impeccable, because at that moment Taehyung exits his apartment building and strides towards the cab.

His face is practically glowing. Namjoon blinks in surprise.

“Good morning…?” he says as Taehyung pops open the door and slides into the seat beside him. The model’s hair is pulled back by a hairband, so Namjoon is clearly able to see the pleasant look in his eyes—not a stitch of stress anywhere on his face.

“Morning,” Taehyung responds, taking a swig from his water bottle as the taxi pulls away from the curb. Namjoon eyes him. Taehyung must feel his gaze, because after a moment he glances over, cocking an eyebrow.

“What’s up, hyung?”

“Shouldn’t you be looking like a man who hasn’t slept a wink? A man who got his ass kicked? A man—”

“It went fine, hyung,” Taehyung interrupts him with an eyeroll. “I went and apologized and…well, I don’t know if I’m actually forgiven yet, but she didn’t push me away. It went…well,” he says, a small smile tugging at his lips. Namjoon can see the fondness in Taehyung’s downcast gaze, and his eyebrows nearly touch his hairline.

“Really? That’s…well, that’s not what I was expecting, but I’m happy for you. She really must be the goddess you make her out to be if she’s willing to forgive you just like that.”

“I don’t make her out to be a goddess,” Taehyung mumbles in response, pouting a little. A hint of a blush rises on his cheeks, and Namjoon rolls his eyes.

“She’s just…she’s always been a good person.”

“Mhmm, okay. I won’t push it,” Namjoon replies with a good-natured chuckle, and then pulls up the daily schedule on his phone. As he looks it over—double-checking it just in case he missed something earlier—he pipes up again.

“So…what happened?”

Taehyung glances at him curiously, and Namjoon shrugs. “I want to know. I’m nosey, okay?”

Taehyung smirks a little, and after a few seconds of thought responds.

“Well…I basically just told her I was a dumbass and apologized a lot. She—,” suddenly an image of you jumping into him and holding him tightly flashes in his mind, and his heart skips a beat.

“—she told me she was mad about happened, but was willing to meet with me again and talk. Catch up. I told her I’d text her.”

“And have you?” Namjoon questions. Taehyung’s eyes go wide. Namjoon face palms.

“God, please help Kim Taehyung before he loses his mind and his lady.”

“She’s not—shut up, we’re childhood friends!” Taehyung hisses in response, frantically digging in his bag for his phone. Namjoon raises an eyebrow.

“Childhood friends who were mutually pinning.”

Taehyung laughs, the sound sarcastic, yet a blush has risen on his cheeks again.

“Didn’t I show you pictures of me when I was a kid? I didn’t get handsome until college.”

“You think how handsome you were when you were 10 matters to a 9 year old girl?”

“Children are superficial,” Taehyung responds seriously, too busy searching for your number to look up. Namjoon snorts a laugh, staring at him in amusement. What a dumbass.

As Taehyung hurriedly attempts to type up an appropriate text to send you the taxi pulls up to the location of Taehyung’s first shoot of the day. Namjoon gathers his belongings and steps out of the cab, pausing when he looks up to find that Taehyung is not doing the same.

“Tae, we’re here,” he says, ducking his head back into the vehicle. Taehyung is frowning at his phone, tongue poked out from his lips cutely as he concentrates. Namjoon hasn’t seen him think this hard in a while.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, momentarily pocketing his phone as he opens the door and steps out. However, as soon as the two are safely on the sidewalk and headed into the building, Taehyung is back at it.

“Are you writing a novel?” Namjoon snorts, amused. Taehyung huffs.

“I’m just trying to make it sound polite.”

“Don’t make it sound polite,” Namjoon responds, eyes ahead. “Make it sound like you.”

Taehyung pauses, eyes blinking curiously. Him? He glances down at the text on his screen, not yet sent. When he reads it over, it indeed sounds very formal, and that’s not what he wants. He wants…things to be like they were. He’s still himself, and you’re still you.

He backspaces the message. Up ahead the studio doors come into sight, and Namjoon glances back at Taehyung.

“We’re almost there,” he says, giving the model an appropriate heads up. Taehyung nods, thumbs tapping at his phone screen. Just before they enter the studio he hits send, and steps inside with a bright smile.

“Good morning!”

Taehyung immerses himself in his work, and the morning flies past. By the time the shoot has ended, 3 hours have passed. He thanks the crew for their hard work after changing into his regular clothing, bowing and smiling as he makes his way to the door.

“Good work,” Namjoon tells him as they head outside, raising his hand to signal a taxi. Taehyung smiles.

“Thanks, hyung.”

Out of habit, he reaches into his bag and takes out his phone—expecting that he’ll have new social media notifications to attend to. However, when he sees the text notification from you his heart jumps into his throat.

Quickly, he clicks on it. His eyes light up as he reads your response.

Taehyung: Hey, it’s me! Sorry about not messaging you sooner. I’d still love to get together soon! Are you free this weekend?

You: This weekend should work fine! Just let me know a time and place and I’ll be there ^^

There’s a short lapse in the time, and then—

You: I’m looking forward to seeing you, Tae

Taehyung can’t help the grin that overtakes him. At his side, Namjoon smirks.

How nice it must be to be a fool in love.

You both end up deciding on Sunday, but end up not picking a place. Taehyung says that he’ll simply come to your apartment around 2pm, and you can discuss where you want to go together.

You turn your head to glance at the clock on your nightstand. 1:30—he’ll be here in half an hour. Anxiety swims in your gut—your bottom lip pulled between your teeth as you stare into your closet.

What the hell are you supposed to wear? You don’t know where you’re going, or what Taehyung will be wearing. Fuck, the only time you’d seen him so far he’d actually been dressed up pretty stylishly…

“Well, he is a model,” you mumble to yourself, reaching forward to push a few hangers aside. Typically on the weekends you just wear jeans and a t-shirt, but today that seems like too little effort. So, you decide you’ll dress up a bit.

Moving around, you gather a pair of jeans, a black cardigan, and a white V-neck t-shirt. You settle on a pair of dark heeled boots, and throw on a necklace to accessorize. You’re debating what to do with your hair when there’s a knock at your door.

Your eyes go wide, and you glance from the entrance of your apartment to the clock. It’s already 2:03.

Curse you for being so indecisive!

You bustle out of your room and to the front door, only pausing to take a deep breath before you pull it open. As you do, Taehyung glances up and smiles brightly.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hey,” you respond, your eyes raking him over. He’s wearing a jean jacket over a printed t-shirt that’s tucked into a pair of black slacks. His hair is styled a bit lazily, just like you’d seen it the other day, but overall he’s still his handsome self.

“Oh,” Taehyung suddenly says, and you look up to see his gaze on you. His eyes look you over from head to toe, making your cheeks feel warm, and then he tugs at his jacket.

“I think I may have underdressed,” he laughs. You frantically raise your hands.

“No! You look really good!”

Taehyung pauses, lips parting slightly in surprise, and then after a second he smiles cheekily.

“You think so?”

If you weren’t blushing before than you’re certainly blushing now.

“I mean…yeah, you always look good,” you tell him sincerely. He laughs a little, posing a hand on his hip.

“Even when we were kids and I was constantly in overalls and covered in dirt?”

You smile fondly, recalling how he’d been back in the day. He’s grown up so much.

“It was a part of your charm,” you tell him, flashing him a wink. Taehyung looks taken aback, the tips of his ears turning red.

“Really??”

You blink. “Yeah, of course. It was really cute. It was…you.”

“Oh, well, thanks,” he says, lifting his hand to rub his neck, clearly a little embarrassed. Suddenly you feel a bit warm as well.

“Well, come in! I still need to grab my purse, and there’s no point in you standing in the hall!” you exclaim, motioning him inside. Taehyung excuses himself as he enters, looking around your apartment curiously as you retreat into your room to grab your things. His gaze roams over your kitchen, your furniture—the way you’ve decorated your life.

His eyes soften.

He can see bits of the old you mixed in with the bits of you he’s yet to know. The idea that he’ll be able to learn about the times he’s missed with you has him feeling excited.

“Sorry to make you wait!” you exclaim, emerging form your room with a smile. “Where did you want to go?”

“Well, if you haven’t eaten, would you like to get lunch? I know a Chinese place not far from here—assuming you still like fried rice and wonton soup,” he suggests, grinning cheekily when you roll your eyes.

“I can’t believe you remember that.”

“How could I forget the order of the girl who would pick the bean sprouts out of her wonton soup every time we ate it?”

“Okay, so I hated vegetables as a kid—don’t remind me of my terrible eating habits,” you scold him, lightly bumping his shoulder as make your way towards the door. Laughing, Taehyung follows after you.

“The funniest part is that you hated vegetables, but whenever we picked pea pods from the garden and I offered you some, you’d eat them.”

“Well…I mean…,” you sputter, ducking down as you turn to lock the door, hoping that Taehyung can’t see the redness of your face. It’s been years, but you’re not sure you’re ready to tell him that it’s because you’d had a huge crush on him. During your childhood, you would have done just about anything for him.

Taehyung snorts another laugh, and you turn to glare at him.

“Well! If we’re talking about habits from our childhood I could always bring up your obsession with getting forehead kisses before we went to bed during our sleepovers.”

This time, Taehyung is the one turning bright red. Laughter bubbles in your chest as you lead him up the hall.

“I thought it was normal...”

In front of you, the elevator doors open, and you step inside with a small grin. Reaching forward, you hit the button for the ground floor.

“It was your normal—but definitely a little bit embarrassing for me.”

Taehyung blinks innocently. “Did you not like it? I didn’t think you minded after the first time.”

You glance down at your feet, lips pouting slightly. “I mean…it’s not like I didn’t not like it.”

Taehyung grins, and you feel your heart thrum a bit erratically. Happiness swells in your chest as you watch him.

You’re so glad you’d found him again.

Exiting the elevator, you and Taehyung traverse the city streets shoulder to shoulder. Your conversation shifts from childhood reminiscing to the events you’d missed in each other’s lives. You learn that Taehyung had dropped out of college after being scouted by a talent agency, but had been planning to major in Psychology. In return, you inform him that you’d graduated last year, having majored in business and minored in photography (which was your true passion, but not many school offered it as a degree).

“That’s so cool!” he exclaims, wonder in his eyes. “Have you gotten a chance to do any photoshoots yet? As the photographer, I mean.”

“Eh, not really,” you respond, shrugging your shoulders. “I mean—with friends, yeah. They help me out from time to time, just so I can expand my portfolio, ya know?”

“I’ll help you out, if you want!” Taehyung volunteers. Your eyes go wide in shock, and when you imagine being the one behind the camera as Taehyung models your face heats up.

“D-Don’t you have a contract though? Can you really be doing that?”

Taehyung waves his hand in the air flippantly. “As long as you don’t leak the photos to magazines, we should be fine.”

“Well, then I guess that’d be a big help. I’ll probably take you up on that offer sometime,” you say, smiling. Taehyung grins happily in return, and then points up the street.

“Ah, that’s it!” he says, reaching back to grab your wrist. You stare down at his hand as he tugs you into the Chinese restaurant up ahead. He doesn’t let you go even as the hostess leads you to a table, and you wonder if he realizes he’s still holding on.

“They have really good almond chicken here,” he tells you, moving to occupy one side of the booth, but pauses when he feels some resistance. Looking back, he notices that he’s still gripping you tightly, and immediately releases you—his eyes glancing up to your face, half embarrassed and half apologetic.

“I…wow, sorry. I guess I forgot to let go.”

“It’s okay!” you assure him, waving your hands, but you’re both blushing as you settle into your seats. Luckily, the menu distracts you, and your conversation quickly turns to the topic of what you want to order. As it turns out, both of your tastes haven’t changed much from childhood.

After placing the order, a brief silence descends, and Taehyung finds himself biting the inside of his cheek. He glances up at you, shy yet contemplative.

“So…do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?”

Your eyes widen in surprise at his question, cheeks flushing, and Taehyung immediately tries to clarify his intent in asking.

“I-I mean! We’ve been apart for so long, I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore, so…”

You shake your head a little. “No, I had a boyfriend in college for about a year, but it didn’t work out. I’ve just…been busy, and no one has really managed to catch my interest…”

Except you, your mind adds in, and if you could punch your brain you would. The crush you’d had on Taehyung had strictly been during childhood…or so you attempt to convince yourself. But when you glance up at the male in front of you—polished, and grown, yet still dorky and charming—butterflies dance in your stomach.

You reach for your water, needing something to help cool you down.

Dammit! Get ahold of yourself.

“What about you?” you pose once you’ve taken a swig. After all, Taehyung is a good looking guy, and a model no less. It’d be weird for him to not be in a relationship.

“Ah, I’m single,” he informs you, and you try to ignore the way your chest lightens in relief. “I’ve been on a few dates in the last year, but they either seem to want me because I’m a model, or they just don’t work out.”

You blink. “Girls seriously go after you just because you’re a model?”

“You’d be surprised how often it happens,” he says, laughing a little. You regard him quietly, a mischievous sparkle coming to your eye.

“How do you know I’m not one of them?”

Taehyung pauses. “One of what?”

“One of the girls going after you just because you’re a hot model,” you clarify, grinning. For a second, Taehyung is silent. Then he mirrors your grin—a playful twinkle lighting up his gaze.

“I’m sorry, say that again? “Hot model”?”

Suddenly you realize what you’ve said, and you face goes bright red. Taehyung laughs heartily as you bury you face in your hands, quietly groaning.

“I hate you!” you whine, and Taehyung smiles so hard his eyes shut.

“No you don’t, don’t lie~” he responds, and when you make another disgruntled sound he laughs some more. His gaze trails on the top of your head, his smile slowly dying down as he watches you. Then, after a few seconds of contemplation, he quietly speaks up.

“Well…for what it’s worth, you’re not too bad yourself.”

Surprised, you glance up at him, heart fluttering when you see the bashful look on his face.

“Really?”

“What?” he says, “you don’t think you’re cute?”

“I mean…I usually do, but like…,” you stumble over your words, not sure what you’re trying to say. Taehyung raises an eyebrow.

“You didn’t think I would think you’re cute?”

His words have you blushing out of embarrassment, and you nod your head a little. He looks slightly appalled.

“You’ve always been cute,” he tells you seriously. You cover your face with your hand again.

“Why are we talking about this?”

For a second, Taehyung debates changing the topic, since clearly he’s making you a bit uncomfortable, but…

“I think it’s good that we’re talking about it,” he admits, watching you carefully. Somewhere within him determination firmly roots itself. Even if it’s been years, and even if it’s awkward to talk about, somewhere within him he’s always had a thing for you—even when you weren’t around.

“Tae…,” you say quietly, not sure how to respond. A part of you wants to explore the path your conversation is taking, but another part of you doesn’t want to risk ruining your friendship. You’d just gotten him back. If you talk about this and it changes things for the worse…you’re sure your heart will break.

“No, seriously Y/N, listen--,” Taehyung begins to say, but at that moment the food arrives. Your waitress arranges the dishes on the table, and then excuses herself. You and Taehyung are left in silence.

“Later, Tae,” you end up saying when you spot him fidgeting in his seat. He looks up at you, eyes creasing as he smiles—a little perplexed, yet hopeful.

“Okay, yeah,” he agrees, and with the topic of your unknown attraction for each other placed on the backburner, you both dig in.

You quickly find yourself glad that Taehyung had suggested this place, because the food is delicious.

“How did I not know this was here?” you say in amazement, staring at the food in front of you. Taehyung chuckles.

“I’m not sure, but I’m glad I could introduce you to it.”

“Seriously, you’ll have to take me out for food more often,” you tell him, half joking, but Taehyung takes it to heart.

“Oh, I can definitely do that,” he grins happily, and you find yourself blushing once more.

How many times can one person possibly make you blush in a day? This is getting ridiculous.

For the remainder of your meal you and Taehyung make pleasant small talk about work and hobbies. Even if it’s about little things, you find yourself thrilled to be able to learn more about his life.

Taehyung, while unbeknownst to you, feels exactly the same way.

“Thank you so much,” Taehyung tells your waitress as she picks up your bill along with a few empty dishes. Once she has walked away, he places his hand in his palm and stares at you. “So, anything else you’d like to do?”

“Well, I--,” you begin to speak, but at that moment Taehyung’s phone rings. Blinking, he digs into his pocket, his eyes going wide when he sees the caller.

“Shit—hello? I, ah, yeah, I’m so sorry. I--,” he glances over at you apologetically. “No, it should be fine, I think I’ll still be able to make it. Yep. Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

With that, he ends the call and then looks up to you. You stare at him with a small, yet sad smile.

“Let me guess, you forgot about a shoot today?”

“No, worse,” he says, scooting to the edge of the booth. He stands, a look in his eyes that you can’t quite place, and you quickly follow after him. He exits the restaurant, and turns to you once you’re both out on the street.

“I’m really sorry Y/N, but I need to go and see…wait,” he says, a baffled look spreading across his face. He laughs, dragging a hand through his hair, and turns his gaze back to you.

“Y/N!” he exclaims, reaching forward to place his hands on your shoulders. “Come with me!”

“With you?” you echo, startled. “To where?”

“To see Nana!” he says, shaking you a little. “She’s in a home outside the city—I forgot that I had said I’d be by to visit today, but I’m sure she’d love to see you! Well, she’s a bit forgetful with names and faces nowadays, but still!”

“I…,” you say, a little shocked. Grandma Kim is still alive? She must be at least 90! “I mean, yeah—if you want me to come of course I’ll come with you.”

“Ah, this is gonna be such a great surprise!” he says excitedly. He turns and starts heading up the street, but then quickly pauses and reaches back to grab your hand. This time he appropriately slots his fingers through yours. When you glance up at him, eyes wide, he simply winks.

“Just for a little bit. You can scold me later if you hate it,” he tells you, and once again you feel warm. However, deep in your heart you can’t deny the contentment that’s growing.

Now on a mission to visit Grandma Kim, you allow Taehyung to lead you through the city. He drags you into the subway, and you take the train to the very edge of town. There, Taehyung hails a taxi, and you drive out of the busy metropolitan area and into suburbia. After a short while, the cab pulls up to a retirement home, and you and Taehyung step out.

“Well, this is it,” he says, standing at your side. As he looks up at the building you can see the sadness in his eyes, but he doesn’t let it deter him.

Turning to you, he smiles pleasantly.

“Let’s go surprise Nana, yeah?”

Taking the lead, Taehyung heads inside. The lady at the front desk scolds him as he enters, but her words die off when she spots you trailing behind him.

“Well, if it’s because of a date then I guess I can’t be too mad!” she exclaims, and then drags Taehyung close, whispering in a voice that’s loud enough for anyone to hear. “She’s really cute—don’t mess it up, okay!”

You and Taehyung share a look, and then promptly glance away, blushing.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, and reaches back to grab your hand once more. He proceeds to tugs you further into the nursing home, leading you through the corridors effortlessly. Then, finally, he pauses in front of a door with the name “Kim” plastered on it.

As you stand there you take a deep breath, suddenly feeling a bit anxious. Taehyung glances over at you, a soft look in his eyes.

“Don’t stress. It’s still her,” he says, squeezing your hand reassuringly, and you nod. You wonder how many times he’s stood here and told himself the exact same thing.

Satisfied, Taehyung reaches forward and slides open the door. You both enter the small room. Near the window, a woman is sat staring out at the trees. It’s been 10 years, but it’s still the Grandma Kim you know and love. She’s just…got a few more wrinkles, and is hunched a bit more.

“Hi, Nana,” Taehyung says softly as he approaches her. You stay near the door, feeling a bit awkward. You’ve come unannounced, and according to Taehyung she’s become a bit senile, so…what if she doesn’t even know who you are?

“Hello, sweetie,” Grandma Kim responds, and even her voice sounds frail. Slowly, she reaches her arms up and returns the hug that Taehyung bends down to give. You notice that he’s careful not to squeeze too hard.

“One of the nurses told me you were late.”

“Ah, yeah, I’m sorry about that. I lost track of time,” Taehyung says, and then glances back at you. He motions his head towards his grandmother, smiling, and you take a small step forward.

“But I brought someone along with me today. You know her.”

“Oh, do I?” she asks, her interest piqued. Taehyung steps to the side, allowing Grandma Kim’s gaze to fall on you. You take a few more steps forward, a hesitant smile pulling at your lips. For a few seconds there’s only silence—Grandma Kim’s eyebrows furrowing in concentration as she looks you over. However, when you raise your hand and smile a little wider, greeting her with “Hi, Grandma Kim” a look of realization washes over her.

“Oh, heavens me!” she exclaims, hands moving to grip the arms of her chair as she struggle to push herself to her feet. Taehyung quickly swoops in, placing his hand under her elbow to give her some support. Once she’s gotten her balance, she pats his arm in thanks and then raises her arms to you.

“Y/N! Dear, what a surprise!”

Instinctively, you step forward and wrap your arms around her—chest alight with relief that even after all this time, she’d still remembered your face.

“It’s so good to see you!” she says, a little unbalanced on her feet. Taehyung steps forward to help, but you’re already offering your arm. Smiling, Grandma Kim takes it, and you help lead her to the bed. Taehyung watches on, a fond look in his eye.

“It’s good to see you too,” you respond sincerely, taking a seat in the chair beside the mattress. “It’s been so long.”

“Oh, not that long!” she refutes, and then glances over to her grandson. “See! You were all worried for nothing! I told you that one day you would find each other again.”

Taehyung blushes, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. Leave it to grandma to blatantly tell you that he’d been thinking about you all this time. However, you simply smile.

“You always did say that we were connected,” you say quietly, memories resurfacing. Grandma Kim notices the contemplative look in your eyes, and reaches over to grab your hands. She hold them tightly in her own—worn and boney fingers soothing over your skin.

Her eyes soften as she speaks. “Did you get good use out of that blanket? I never got the chance to ask.”

You realize that the last time you’d seen her had been the day she’d given you the blanket. The day you’d given Taehyung one last hug before you’d disappeared from each other’s lives for a decade. And not because it’d been of your own volition, but…

Suddenly you’re remembering your grandmother, smiling and waiting for you on the steps of her home out in the country. The country that you came to love because of her, and Taehyung—and tears sting at your eyes.

You miss her greatly. You wish that she hadn’t died so soon, and that her death hadn’t caused you to lose track of your relationship with your best friend.

“Oh, sweetie,” Grandma Kim soothes, one of her hands moving to grab you a tissue as the tears fall down your cheeks. You sniffle, trying to pull yourself together, and in the background Taehyung’s heart aches. He wants nothing more than to pull you into a hug and never let go.

“I still have it—the blanket,” you admit, voice wobbling a bit as you dry up your tears. You flash Grandma Kim a smile. “After a while it frayed more, so I ended up making it into a scarf. I wear it in the winter when I need warmth, because that’s what you intended it to do—keep me warm.”

“I’m guessing you still get cold,” she laughs quietly, giving your hands a little squeeze, and you nod.

“Every time I’ve worn it I’ve thought of you and Tae.”

Grandma Kim hums happily, and then motions for her grandson to come closer. Dutifully, he does—blinking in surprise when she reaches over to take one of his hands as well. She lifts both of your hands and holds them close to her chest, her eyes shutting. You and Taehyung glance at each other curiously. Then, Grandma Kim speaks again.

“A red string connects two people that have linked fates,” she says, and your and Taehyung’s eyes widen in shock as you realize she’s quoting what she had told you all those years ago.

“Even before I knitted that blanket, I knew that you two would always be connected. No matter the distance, or the struggles. A bond like that can’t simply be broken.”

She opens her eyes and fondly looks up at the both of you. It’s not hard to tell how tired she is. Not just at the moment, but…

“I may be old, and I’m not as spry as I used to be, but I can tell my time is waning,” she says, yet there’s no regret in her voice. She only smiles. You glance over to Taehyung, and can see that his eyes have glazed over with tears.

“That’s why I’m glad you two managed to find each other again. Y/N,” she says, and brings your and Taehyung’s hands closer. One by one, she threads your fingers together, and then cups your and Taehyung’s bound hands with her own. “You are the person in this world who is closest to Taehyung’s heart after me. When I’m gone, I need you to look after him.”

“Grandma Kim, please…,” you beg, emotion welling in your chest. You’re not ready for this. This is your first time seeing her in so long, and now she’s acting like she’ll be gone by tomorrow. How are you even supposed to respond?

“Taehyung,” she continues, pausing to lift her fingers to his face when she sees that he’s crying. Your and Taehyung’s clasped hands fall between your bodies, but neither of you let go. Grandma Kim brushes a few of his tears away, and he bites his lip—unable to face her.

“I am so happy for you, dear. You’ve become such a splendid young man, and I couldn’t be prouder. From now on, don’t let Y/N out of your sight. Perhaps I was wrong to keep you from seeing her that day she returned, but I always knew in my heart you’d find each other again. Even if you forget about it, that red string will always be there, keeping you both connected.”

Silently, tears begin falling from your eyes as well. A small piece of you realizes that this sounds a lot like a blessing, and a goodbye.

“Now, I believe someone should be coming to get me for supper soon,” she comments, as if she hasn’t just emotionally wrecked both you and Taehyung. Sniffling, Taehyung raises his free hand to his face to messily wipe away the rest of his tears.

“Okay, Nana, I’ll come visit again soon,” he promises, and then bends down to hug her once more—his hand unbudging in yours.

Out of the corner of her eye, Grandma Kim glances at you, smiles, and raises her arm a little.

“Come now, dear.”

Laughing, you lean down and hug her as well. The three of you stay like that for a long moment.

“It was so good to see you both,” she says once you pull back, her eyes creased pleasantly. Just then, a knock sounds at the door.

“Mrs. Kim? Are you ready to go and eat?”

“Yes, I’m just about done,” she responds, and one of the staff opens the door to the room. She pushes in a wheelchair, and Grandma Kim flashes you both one last smile.

“Be happy, you two,” she says, thanking the nurse when she offers to help Grandma Kim into her chair. Stepping back, you and Taehyung allow the staff some room to work, and after a second Taehyung pulls you into the hall. You’re both silent, but you give each other’s hand a little reassuring squeeze.

A few moments later, Grandma Kim emerges beside you. She glances up, a look of surprise on her face.

“Y/N! Taehyung! Did you come to visit?”

Taehyung’s demeanor noticeably saddens, and your heart aches for him. Leaning down, he gently kisses his grandmother’s forehead.

“We just visited, Nana. We’ll be back again soon.”

“Is that so? Well, I hope we had a good chat,” she says, smiling, and waves as the nurse begins to push her away. Taehyung waits until she’s gone before he turns toward the entrance.

“Let’s go home.”

Nodding, you walk alongside him—still holding his hand.

The journey back to the city, you and Taehyung talk sparsely, but the atmosphere between you doesn’t necessarily feel uncomfortable. You stay close to each other, sometimes silently brushing hands or knocking your knees together. It’s just…how are you supposed to act after your conversation with Grandma Kim? There are too many things that need to be unpacked…

“Hey, do you mind if I walk you home?” Taehyung asks when you’ve departed the train station—your feet once again planted in the busy city streets. You shake your head, sending him a small smile. You don’t know where he lives, or how far out of the way it may be, but if Taehyung wants to walk you home then you won’t say no.

Besides, maybe he still needs some company after what had happened.

“Sure, Tae,” you respond, and he grabs your hand once more. Together, you make your way back through the streets and to your apartment building. You’re not exactly sure how far he intends to walk you, but he ends up following you into the elevator, and suddenly you’re both stood beside your front door.

“Well, um,” you say, glancing up at him. There’s a look on his face that you can’t quite decipher. “Thank you for walking me home.”

“Yeah, of course,” he responds, but doesn’t move to leave. Taehyung only continues to stare at you, his brows furrowed. You feel heat rising on your face. Just what is he thinking about?

“Well,” you speak again, giving his hand a squeeze—a sign that you’re intending to finally part. However, Taehyung holds on tighter. After a second he steps a little closer, his free hand raising to cup your cheek. Immediately your heart feels like it might explode.

“T-Tae--?” you sputter, the skin on your cheeks burning brilliantly. Taehyung soothes his thumb over the pink flesh, eyebrows knitting together.

“I want to kiss you,” he admits quietly, as if it’s painful for him to say it. You pause, gaze deepening with sympathy, and you raise a hand to place it atop his.

“Is this because of what your grandmother said?”

Closing his eyes, Taehyung shakes his head. “No…No, I’ve…I’ve always wanted this. Since we were kids. Nana’s talk just made me realize how I should come out and say it. Even if you don’t feel the same way, I want you to know how I feel.”

Unsure how to respond, you simply let him speak.

“I know it’s stupid, because how could a crush from childhood possibly withstand a decade without contact, but…since the moment I realized it was you at the studio, and you hugged me and we reconciled, I…I realized that my feelings never waned. Maybe they got put to the side because I was busy with other things, but I never forgot about you, and I never stopped liking you.

“So, even if it doesn’t work out, I need you to know,” he says, a pleading look in his eyes as he stares at you. “I can’t keep these feelings at bay forever. They’ll overtake me, and I’ll drown.”

“I…,” you speak, struggling to find words. You’d noticed during your childhood that your pinning likely hadn’t been completely one-sided, but you’d never imagined Taehyung had felt this strongly. That he’d really been keeping in all his feelings, just like you had…

You’d both been fools.

Biting your lip, you curl your fingers around his palm, steeling your determination, and then press forward. Taehyung makes a small sound of surprise as your lips connect, but he’s quick to react. He wraps his free arm around your waist, pulling you close, and deepens the kiss.

There’s no spark—no electricity running through your body—but there’s a deep feeling of longing, and satisfaction. Desire drives you seek more, and you kiss him again, and again. Your bodies melt together, kisses becoming drawn out with passion.

Deep in his throat, Taehyung groans. He finally releases your clasped hands—instead moving to tangle his fingers in your hair. Your chests are flush now, and the new leverage allows him to take control of the situation—his tongue sneaking past your lips.

You gasp in surprise, your free hand raising to gently push at his shoulder. Getting the hint, Taehyung allows you to nudge him back. There’s a worried look in his eyes, but it’s overwhelmingly outweighed by the look of satisfaction on his face.

“Too far?”

“I…we’re in the hall,” you respond, blushing. Blinking, Taehyung glances side to side, realizing you’re right.

“So…can we go inside then?” his question is a bit cheeky, and you send him a glare that has no real anger behind it. Turning, you face the door and dig in your purse for your keys. As you do so, Taehyung wraps his arms around your waist and places his head on your shoulder. A contented look washes over his features—his heart beating happily. A plethora of emotions threaten to overcome him—because there’s so much he wants to say and do, but for the time being he manages to hold himself back. However…

His eyes shift over to your neck, a large patch of unmarred skin tempting him too greatly. Leaning in, he presses a light kiss to the flesh, pausing when you shiver.

“Tae!” you hiss, nearly dropping the keys you had finally located. Taehyung’s eyes shine with a bit of deviance.

“Sensitive?” he questions, but before you can respond, he’s littering your neck with more kisses. At each one he feels you jolt, your breath coming out in short pants—and he smiles happily. He wants nothing more than to learn you in all the ways he’d been unable to during childhood. Of course, during that time there had been little to no consideration of sexual attraction. All he’d wanted had been hand holding and forehead kisses, and declarations of “I love you”. Perhaps towards the end, when he’d entered high school, he’d begun to contemplate sexual love with you, but—

At that moment you finally open the door to your apartment, and you quickly haul Taehyung inside. He watches as you kick off your shoes and abandon your purse. Once that’s taken care of you turn to face him—your cheeks still prettily pink.

“I…,” you begin to say, eyes darting around nervously before settling on him again. You pout your lips, embarrassed by what you’re about to say. “I want more.”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow, but his heart soars. “More?”

“I mean…if you don’t have anywhere to be, and you weren’t disgusted by what we just did in the hall, then—”

Before you can even finish your sentence Taehyung is sweeping you into his arms once more. The kisses pick up where they left off—hot, and heavy, and opened mouth. The hesitant, nervous nature that had been present in the hall begins to fade away, and you both move more freely.

Grabbing Taehyung by his collar, you lead him to the couch. He stumbles over his feet in his haste, and drags you into the cushions when he falls. You land atop him—your legs slotted together and chests flush. If it were anyone else you might be embarrassed, but right now you’re too caught up in the moment—too caught up in him—to think about it twice.

Leaning down, you connect your lips once more, and Taehyung happily reciprocates. As you kiss, his arms loop around you—one hand resting on the back of your head while the other trails down your spine. Eventually, his palm settles on your ass—fingers giving one of your cheeks a squeeze—and you feel him grin against you.

“Nice,” he simply says, and you huff, pushing your hands against his chest as you prepare to sit up. However, Taehyung only chuckles and uses his grip on your head to pull you back in. Your tongues drag together, and a quiet moan builds in the back of your throat.

Taehyung pauses, pulling back to stare at you. There’s a blush on your face, and you look embarrassed, but…

“Is this okay?” he asks, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. He hadn’t intended for things to go this far. He had hoped to maybe kiss you a few times, but things had escalated very quickly, and Taehyung can’t exactly ignore the lust that’s growing in his gut.

You nod, hand moving to cup his cheek at you stare at him. There’s a loving look in your eye, and it has Taehyung’s heart racing.

“I feel like I’ve been in a desert and you’re the oasis I’ve found after too long,” you say, laughing a little at your own analogy. Sweetly, you lean down to kiss him. You whisper against his lips.

“Are you okay?”

“More than,” he responds, leaning up to complete the kiss. However, when he parts his eyebrows pinch, and he soothes his hand over your spine. You watch him patiently, wondering what he’s thinking of. After a few seconds you’re rewarded.

“Tell me to stop,” he says, and you stare at him.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No, I…,” he shakes his head a little, both his hands moving to grip your ass. He uses his hold to grind you down against him, and you blush at feeling how aroused he’s gotten. You’d been trying not to think about it, but you’d been feeling pretty needy down there yourself…

“I really, really don’t want to stop, and that might be a problem,” he admits with a quiet laugh. You can tell he’s trying to be considerate of you while also battling with his urges. “I didn’t intend for it to happen like this and I totally understand if you want me to go. Just tell me to stop and I will, but…,” he leans up, his lips brushing against yours, and you can sense his hopelessness.

Your eyes soften and you cup his cheeks. “Tae,” you say, and a groan unintentionally sneaks past his lips when you grind down against him. “You don’t need to stop.”

You kiss him once more, feeling shy, yet wanton. You had never intended for this to happen either, but…more than anything you don’t want it to end. You want Taehyung in any way he’s willing to give.

“Oh thank god,” he breathes, momentarily releasing you as he pushes himself up. The shift in position now has you seated in his lap—your thighs on either side of him and your crotch dangerously close to his hard-on. However, Taehyung silences your frenzied thoughts with another kiss.

He kisses you languidly, his hands moving to your shoulders as he slowly peels your cardigan down your arms. You feel yourself flush, suddenly nervous as you realize that you’re more than likely about to get very intimate with one of your best friends from childhood. But…you glance at Taehyung—no longer a child—and the anxious feeling in your chest easies slightly. You’re no longer kids, and you’d both given your consent. There’s no reason to be so worried.

Feeling reassured, you kiss him once more, and pause when he suddenly begins moving his lips down your jaw. He peppers the skin of your jaw and neck with kisses, grinning when he once again locates the sensitive spot from before. You instinctively wiggle in his hold, gasping, and Taehyung nearly moans when you unintentionally grind against him.

Never in his life has he been so aroused before.

“You’re too cute,” he says, biting down, and the sound you make has his dick straining.

“I’m gonna kill you,” you respond, face beet red, but Taehyung doesn’t believe you one bit. Satisfied with the mark he’s left, Taehyung dips lower—kissing the skin on your chest. His fingers sneak beneath the hem of your shirt, ghosting up your spine and causing you to shiver. You arch into him, instinctively trying to escape the sensation, and Taehyung grins.

“You really are fun.”

As he fiddles with the clasps of your bra, you reach a hand behind him to smack his ass in retaliation. Taehyung only laughs though, a fond look in his eye. You feel your bra go slack, and Taehyung distracts you with a kiss as he attempts to finagle it out from beneath your shirt. Clearly he has some experience, because you don’t even need to help him.

“You’re an idiot,” you tell him, moaning against his lips when he moves his hand to grope you through your shirt. The soft mound of flesh weights pleasantly in Taehyung’s palm, and he gives it a gentle squeeze—feeling satisfied at the reaction he elicits.

Curiously, he allows his thumb to roam over your perk nipples, loving the way they harden even more thanks to his ministrations. Helpless—wanting him to explore you in any way he desires—you simply sit there and allow Taehyung to have his fun. However, he quickly becomes annoyed with the fabric in the way of what he really wants to see.

Gripping the edge of your shirt, he pulls upward and you obediently raise your arms, allowing him to shed you of your top. You feel self-conscious all over again as he stares at you—his gaze unabashed with his hunger. It’s not like you haven’t been intimate with other people before, but out of everyone, Taehyung definitely means the most to you.

“You’re so beautiful,” he ends up saying, his palm moving to splay against your breast as his mouth descends upon the other. If his words don’t make you blush than his actions certainly do.

Groaning in satisfaction, Taehyung allows his tongue to flatten against your nipple, loving the way you gasp and whine beneath him. He toys with the sensitive bud—sucking, and nipping until it’s perfectly taut. He then moves to give the other the same treatment, but pauses to glance at your face. The front of your hand is covering your mouth in embarrassment, cheeks and chest flushed in arousal. He can see the lust blooming in your gaze, and he moves a hand down to sooth against his cock through his pants. You notice and glance down, realizing that he must be uncomfortable.

“Here,” you say, feeling a little bold as you reach down and pop the button on his slacks. Taehyung’s eyes widen in surprise, but when you peel the zipper down and slip your hand into his boxers—rubbing his aching length—his eyes nearly roll into his head.

“Fuck,” he curses, taking your other breast into his mouth. He’s less gentle this time around—more teeth than tongue—his fingers digging into the flesh of your other tit as he grips it possessively. You gasp, not disliking the pain, and all of the sudden Taehyung swoops up to kiss you. He cradles your jaw, grinding his hips against your hand as you stroke him.

“I need this,” he says, a little breathless. “I need you. Please.”

“The bed would probably be more comfortable,” you respond between his frantic kisses, and he nods. Just as needy, you’re quick to stand up. You start towards the bedroom, glancing back to make sure Taehyung is following, and drool pools in your mouth when he see that he’s begun to strip.

He tugs off his jacket without care, dropping in on top of your own pile of clothes, and then quickly moves to shed his shirt. As a child he’d been quiet scrawny, but now he’s toned and broad, and you feel your pulse speed up.

Finally, Taehyung notices you’re staring, and a grin overtakes him.

“Like what you see?” he asks, teasing, and nearly dies when you nod with complete sincerity.

“A lot.”

Unable to hold himself back, Taehyung steps towards you and claims your lips once more. As he does so—slowly backing you into your room—you reach down and attempt to shuck his pants down his legs. He laughs at the futile effort.

“Needy?”

“Clearly not more than you,” you respond cheekily, eyeing his hard-on, which has begun to weep through the dark fabric of his boxer-briefs. Grabbing you by your ass, Taehyung dumps you onto the mattress and grins down at you.

“You’re saying I’m the only one turned on here?” He speaks boldly, confident that he’s right. Fully intending to prove his point, he curls his fingers beneath the band of your jeans and tugs them down your legs. You watch him with flushed cheeks, realizing how vulnerable you are, but you don’t care much about that right now. All you want is some type of relief.

“See…,” he mumbles to himself, two of his finger rubbing your womanhood through your panties. There’s a definitive pool of your arousal on the fabric. Curious, he moves the fabric aside and slowly pushes both of his fingers into you. There’s little resistance—your walls soaked for him.

“Tae,” you whine, gasping when he raises his other hand and places his thumb on your clit. He rubs gentle circles, his cock aching when he feels your pussy clench around his fingers.

“I told you,” he says, his voice deep. He begins fucking his fingers into you—his pace too lax to do anything except rile you up further. Your chest feels like it may burst.

“You’re right. I’m wet. Please—I need you to do something, Tae, anything--,” you beg. Taehyung glances up at you, a fire spreading in his veins when he sees the desperate look on your face. He never thought he’d see that kind of look on you—the look of a woman pleading to be pleasured—and it’s absolutely maddening.

“You want me to fuck you?” he asks, already reaching down to grab his cock. It’s so sensitive—he’s kept himself waiting too long, but—

“Yes, please. I need it,” you respond seriously, too needy to be bashful. Taehyung groans, stepping away from the mattress to shed himself of his underwear. You watch him with hunger in your eyes—tongue darting out to lick at your lips when his cock finally springs free.

It’s weeping for attention.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he says, returning to the mattress and positioning himself on top of you. He braces your leg with one hand and guides himself with the other. You feel your walls stretch as he seats himself inside of you—but the feeling isn’t uncomfortable in the least. Pussy throbbing, you reach up and grab him by his hair. Taehyung allows himself to be dragged down into your kiss—your noses knocking together as he slowly begins to fuck in and out of you.

He rocks his hips rhythmically, the motion becoming bigger and increasingly quick. You moan around his tongue, your fingers tugging at his roots, and Taehyung groans.

“Fuck,” he says, breathlessly pulling back for air. His face is flushed, brow beading with sweat as his need overwhelms him. He wants this so badly—with you. He’s never been surer of it. In this moment, he’s right where he’s supposed to be.

“Tae, you can move more, I’m--,” you struggle to say, your face equally as red. You grind your hips down to meet thrusts, and Taehyung shamelessly moans. His head drops, his cock thrusting into you faster and rougher. You gasp, one hand moving to grasp your tit as the other reaffirms its grip on his hair.

“Good?” he manages to question. You bite your lip, nodding frantically.

“Very. Don’t stop. Please.”

“Can’t,” he bites back, readjusting his angle and snapping his hips particularly hard. Unexpectedly, he hits your sweet spot and you gasp lewdly. Taehyung’s eyes shift up to you, and he grins a little.

“Right there, huh?” Reaching down, hooks his elbow under the crook of your knee and opens you up a little wider. The position leaves nothing to imagination.

“Fuck, Tae--!” you cry, breath catching when he once again locates your g-spot. Your pussy clenches around him—creating more friction—and his jaw tenses. Fuck, he’s not gonna last very long.

Attempting to keep up his pace, Taehyung thrusts into you with vigor. His eyes roam your body—shifting from the glistening folds of your pussy and the way his dick enters you so perfectly to the swell of your bouncing breasts and the fucked-out look in your glistening eyes.

You’re so flawless.

“Tae, I need--,” you struggle to speak, overwhelmed with a desperation to cum. Tears stick to your lashes, and Taehyung manages to lean down and kiss your cheek.

“Tell me what you want, love.”

“I want to cum, please,” you cry, reaching up to cradle his face. A tidal wave of emotions flood your chest. You feel so much love and adoration for the man making love to you that it’s nearly impossible to digest. Years of missed opportunities with him pangs your heart with regret, but you know that this is only the beginning. You’ve got lots of time.

“Please, I need you,” you beg quietly, your pussy throbbing as you pull him into a sweet, yet yearning kiss. Taehyung’s dick twitches inside of you, and he messily kisses you a second time.

“I’m right there.”

“Me too,” you assure him, wrapping your arms around his back. Your nails scrape against his skin, leaving little marks, and he shivers.

“Fuck.”

Gathering his remaining stamina, Taehyung fucks into you—smacking his hips lewdly against yours. You gasp with each thrust, skull straining back against the mattress. It’s all so intense, but so good as well. If only the two of you could stay like this forever.

“Taehyung,” you call his name, your voice hitching with every smack of his hips. For a man already on the edge, the fucked out quality of your voice is too much to handle, and Taehyung’s rhythm falters.

“Y/N,” he moans, and, unexpectedly, your name falling from his lips so needily is what pushes you to your release. Your body tenses, toes curling, and then all of the sudden the tension melts into bliss. Your pussy clenches around Taehyung’s length, and he almost chokes.

“Tae, cum,” you tell him, breathless with pleasure. You cup his face, eyes glazed over with adoration as you intently watch him. Taehyung is helpless to obey.

Fucking into you one last time, he fully sheathes himself between your walls and allows his bliss to find him. His shoulders drop, head coming to rest against your chest as he empties inside of you, and your fingers card through his hair soothingly.

Finally, when the pleasure has faded, Taehyung pulls out of you with a hiss—his dick overly sensitive.

For a long moment, the two of you can only stare at each other.

Long lost childhood friends, turned lovers in less than a day. So much had happened in such a short amount of time.

Your face breaks out into a smile, a laugh sneaking past your lips.

“What?” Taehyung asks, mimicking your smile. You shake your head, one hand raising to cover your face in an attempt to hide your blush.

“This is crazy,” you say, and Taehyung glances down at your naked bodies—glistening with sweat. Suddenly he realizes what you’ve done. His cheeks turn red, and he rolls to the side, landing on the mattress beside you. You glance over at him, watching his reaction carefully.

“Having second thoughts?” you tease, though anxiety rises in your chest. You feel more comfortable around him now more than ever. With your feelings for each other out in the open you can freely be with him in any way you’d like—ways you couldn’t have before. Admitting that you like him doesn’t feel so hard to do anymore.

“No,” Taehyung eventually responds, shifting to fully face you. He reaches his hands forward, gently cupping your jaw, and guides you into a kiss. His heart aches with the amount of love he feels for you. It’s an amount that threatens to overwhelm him, but he manages to hold it at bay.

Well, mostly.

“I love you,” he whispers against your lips, feeling the skin of your cheeks heat up beneath his fingers. Peeking open his eyes, Taehyung smiles when he sees you staring at him in shock.

“I know, it’s…soon. We just had an entire handful of our firsts together in the span of a few hours, but…I’ve always loved you. Even if it always hasn’t been romantic in nature. Though I assure you it is now, but,” he trails off, grinning when you smile and reach forward to lightly smack his chest.

After a second you pout your lips, hand moving to caress his cheek. Taehyung leans into your touch, and your gaze softens.

“I never expected to be in this situation, and it’s crazy to think that we’re here after being separated for a decade, but…I love you too,” you tell him, thumb brushing over his cheek. He smiles, turning his head so he can kiss your palm, and you laugh a little.

“If you promise to never yell at me again, then I’ll even consider being your girlfriend.”

“I said I was sorrryyyyyyy~,” he whines, rolling onto his other side. He kicks his feet indignantly, and you giggle. Scooting up behind him, you wrap your arms around his torso and pull yourself flush against his back—nose nuzzling between his shoulder blades. Beneath your fingertips, Taehyung’s heart beats steadily—happy, and placated.

“So? Do we have a deal?”

Taehyung chuckles, wiggling in your hold. You allow him some space as he flips around to face you, his arms reaching out to hold you tightly. Your head tucks under his chin, and he slots your legs together. Everything falls into place, fitting perfectly.

“Be mine,” he says, lips pressing against the top of your skull. You can hear the emotion in his voice. “Please. I never want you to leave again.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promise him, tilting your head up and pursing your lips. Getting the idea, Taehyung happily bends down to meet you. Your lips are tingling when he pulls back.

Sated, and finally at peace with your feelings for each other, the two of you simply lay there in each other’s arms. After a short while, the exhaustion from your dirty deed sets in, and Taehyung yawns. You glance up at him tiredly through your lashes.

“You can stay, if you hadn’t figured,” you say, and he nods—a lazy smile pulling at his lips.

“Good.” He gives you a little squeeze, and your own eyes flutter shut. The warmth of Taehyung’s body washes over you like a blanket, and before long you’re out like a light.

In the morning, you wake up in each other’s arms…and to the blare of Taehyung’s ringtone.

“Shit!” he curses, tumbling out of your bed and into the other room, where he’d abandoned his phone. He manages to pick it up on the last ring, and you sit up groggily, eyes shifting over to the clock on your night stand.

6:30am.

“Taehyung!” you hear a semi-familiar voice as Taehyung puts the call on speaker. He sets the device down on your coffee table, plopping down on the couch behind him. Still half asleep, he rustles his messy hair.

“Yes, hyung?”

“I’m on my way to your apartment—you didn’t respond to my texts. Are you ready?”

“Ready?” he repeats, deep voice scratchy with unuse. Namjoon sighs.

“Did you forget we’re doing an early shoot for that magazine today?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen—the remnants of sleep disappearing from his face.

“Oh fuck. Uh…,” he glances over to you—now stood in the doorway to your bedroom wearing nothing but the shirt he’d been brandishing the day before. As you cutely rub at your eyes in an attempt to wake yourself up, Taehyung feels his heart soar and his dick throb.

“I’m actually…not at home, hyung,” he admits, and there’s a pause.

“Where are you, then?”

Taehyung smiles fondly as he speaks his next words. “I’m at my girlfriend’s place. I’ll send you the address—you can pick me up here.”

He glances over to you, eyes sparkling when he sees the blush that has spread across your cheeks.

“Girlfriend?!” Namjoon responds, obviously shocked. “What about Y/N??”

He’d been rooting for you two to reconcile and get together, after all!

“That’s who I’m talking about, hyung,” Taehyung responds with a laugh, wrapping an arm around you when you make your way over and plop down beside him.

“Hi, manager-nim~,” you chime in before Namjoon can think of how to respond. There’s a long stretch of silence, and for a second Taehyung thinks the call may have dropped, but—

“Y’all were really pinning for each other like fools for 15 YEARS, and ended up getting together in ONE DAY!” he yells, sounding exasperated. You and Taehyung glance at each other sheepishly. However, before either of you can think of what to say, Namjoon chuckles.

“That’s the kind of love I want in my life.”

Grinning, Taehyung turns to you and cups your cheeks—guiding you into a sweet kiss. Butterflies tickle your stomach, and you smile against his lips.

“Hyung, it’s only going to get better from here,” Taehyung responds seriously—kissing you again. His words have satisfaction settling deep in your bones.

You could really get used to this.

#please yell at me and tell me what you thought!#taehyung x reader #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #model!taehyung #model taehyung au #bts fic #bts smut #bts reader insert #reader x taehyung #i fucking hate tagging a million things but I wanna get my bases covered #bts fluff #namjoon #taehyung

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