#we really don’t see any women in the series who aren’t into men

[lucky-clover-gazette]

lesbian drama in vere and akeilos must be insane

[hellowoolf]

on strawberries and masonry: chapter i

series summary: you atone for your sins, now, in a jackson garden, learning to care for soft things and yourself. joel miller is a lethal sort of similar, and misery loves company

OR

you live in jackson and meet joel and you’re both damaged little babies and fall in love (but i’m drawing this shit out🫶🫶)

warnings: angst, ANGST👈🏻👈🏻, reader has a violent past but we don’t get graphic about it yet, knives (at present we only use her for gardening), age gap (reader late 20s/early 30s, joel 50s), mention of masturbation (if i left out any, let me know!)

word count: 3.1k

authors note: i would consider myself a mildly experienced writer but this is my first ever fic! kindness is appreciated but so is constructive criticism. i really hope you enjoy🍓

by the way, a big ol thank you to @macfrog @netherfeildren @5oh5 @swiftispunk @bageldaddy (and others), whose fantastic writing gave me the courage to put this story to paper🫶

series masterlist | masterlist

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you don’t remember much about the little fruits, from the time that came before. you were only a child then, 8 when it all crumbled to pieces, and those small sweetnesses aren’t things you’re taught to notice when you’re that young. lemons and airplane engines and the neighbor’s dog; these you remember, what with all the ruckus they made, but berries and peaches were far too soft of creations to make an impression. you suppose to anyone who could see your life in full, it would seem ironic in a tragic sort of way that they were all you cared for now.

you like to ponder these things—torture, really—on your way to the garden in the morning. there’s something about the honesty of jackson air, the clarity of it at daybreak, that make such musings, painful as they are, the only bearable passtime. keeping your hands close to your sides inside your jacket, you let your fingertips brush against the knife stored there. maria had offered you gardening tools, things more fit for the work you did now, but you’d refused; this knife was your father’s once (if you were remembering correctly) and you wouldn’t let it rust over on your nightstand. you like to make use of things, things and people if you’re honest, and trimming plants and flowers and little fruits are no less noble uses for it than what you did before jackson.

the crunch of your boots beneath you whispers up as you trudge along. your house isn’t far from the garden, but ages, it feels, from everything else. you’d gone to the tipsy bison, once, within the first few weeks of moving in, convinced you were young and entitled to normalcy after what they’d collected you from on the outside. the scotch burned your throat in a cliche kind of way, and you suppose you enjoyed that part, but the walk alone in the dark on your way home was enough to keep you from the establishment since. you moved back and forth from your garden, the dining hall, and occasionally tommy’s house when you couldn’t bear the loneliness; these pathways you’d carved out for yourself here are few and stubborn, but you love them because they’re yours. the other young men and women your age in town, most of whom have lived the better part of their lives within these walls, don’t think of you enough to find you as strange as you perhaps are, but their not thinking is a comfort to you. the crunch crunch crunch of your boots on the gravel mumbles in agreement.

“speak of the devil.”

tommy is leaning against the glass of the greenhouse wall with noah when he calls it out to you, grounding you in place. you’d made it all the way to the garden in the time it took for that ugly contemplation, but the both of them are smiling with that back and forth glance only boyishness forgives, and now the morning is real. it’s cold enough that numbness has clawed its way up the bridge of your nose, the frost keeping last night’s snow frozen to the ground. it’s these moments, the arrivals to your garden at dawn, when the day comes to you. you like the both of them, noah and tommy. they make you feel like somebody’s sister. you turn up the ends of your mouth. “all bad things i hope.”

“awful, really,” noah chuckles, tugging on the arm of your jacket to pull you inside with tommy behind you, the both of them still smiling in conspiracy.

you begin to slip your arms out of your coat, laying it carefully against a wall, the wet warmth of the greenhouse rushing you immediately. you’d been heating the inside for a few weeks now, trying to maintain a healthy summer crop output despite the freezing soil, and a few of the sturdier vegetables had steadily been peeking their way up. you plucked a full radish from the dirt last week and nearly wept over it. you look back up at tommy and noah, standing shoulder to shoulder now in the aisle between the planter boxes to block your path forward, humming still with whatever tommy-and-noah-elation they’ve concocted. you tilt your head a little and smile.

“are you gonna make me guess? or can you just tell me?”

they confer with a nod and a jostle side to side, tommy turning back to you. “there’s a strawberry.”

your tongue unsticks from the roof of your mouth as something golden and beautiful unfolds inside of you. “there isn’t,” you counter. noah turns himself sideways so you can walk through the aisle to the end of the left planter box and you rush there (you’re rarely frantic, nowadays, but you allow this sort of thing for your little fruits).

maria had placed you here in the garden as a safeguard. she thought you dangerous (and you were, at least back when you met her), so she put you to work where your hands could do good and be far from people. it helped, you guessed, that the greenhouse is made of glass; she could keep an eye on you this way. and oh, how you’d resisted it, the softness of a gardener’s job. in the end, though, the black and grime of life left as residue on your palms felt like forgiveness, and you’d taken quickly to thinking yourself a botanist.

by the time you arrive at the end of the left planter box, on your knees like a worshiper at a pew, you’re eye level with the little poetry of red and green parting the soil you’d scooped by hand last month. tommy and noah, you feel, are behind you as your shadow casts itself over the soil, and you almost have to pull the thing out just to bear this feeling. there’s a strawberry. and you actually say it out loud, softer than anything but wild, still, and staring at the child of plant and earth you’d nursed to color. noah and tommy drop to your sides, and you notice then that the three of you are crying, and you laugh and laugh over the little thing like madness and sweetness and pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the euphoria of your strawberry lasts you well into the late afternoon. tommy and noah had left you to bask in the glory of it to continue with construction on a little post office right off the main road, and you worked the morning with your thumbs in the dirt, slicing browning leaves off the budding plants with as much gentleness as you could muster. you look down at your knife, cradled close in the cup of your palm, to finger out the soil packed through the engraving along the handle. a last name meant nothing anymore, what with your loneliness and the end of the world, but still the slopes of it peer up at you; you watched your father make the engraving, you think, though the actual memory of it is lost to time.

by the time you reach the beets at the end of the right planter box, a commotion has stirred outside. men’s voices ring and rumble from the main road, and the bass of it hums under your knees on the ground. a great bark of tommy reaches you clearly, even tucked away as your greenhouse is, and curiosity consumes you enough to resign from your garden for the day. these days you are quiet, and reserved, sometimes frightening because you like how it feels, but still curious, always curious, and so you curl yourself back into your jacket to join whatever audience has congregated by the front gates.

he is beautiful in a holy sort of way, whoever he is. you come upon tommy wrapped up in a great big stranger, a horse and a young girl behind him, and the slopes of his nose bend the waning sunlight off into a ribbon of a beam. jesus, when was the last time you’d looked at someone this way? tommy pulls back from him, glassy eyed and awestruck, looking around at those who’d crowded the scene almost incredulously, but you stare still at his stranger, who is so broad and so timid and so clearly unused to his own timidness that you can’t pull your eyes away. he meets your gaze for a moment, as he sweeps his own across the crowd, and looks at you with about as much detachment as he does the rest of this spectatorship. but oh god, he is so divinely pretty, and so you can forgive his lack of immediate fascination with you.

tommy begins walking his stranger and his stranger’s small companion through the throng, introducing and shaking hands, and as you watch them slowly shuffle towards you, you are struck with the thought that this is tommy’s brother. as he shifts his face along the axis of his shoulders, taking in the town, you see more and more of tommy in the motion of his stranger’s face. you’re sure of it now, as tommy calls your name and shepherds the man in front of you.

“my brother here’as decided to make a grand entrance!” tommy says, slapping a mittened hand across his back. you shake his stranger’s hand and give him your name, hoping your little smile doesn’t give away how awful it felt for him to look this way.

“joel,” he musters (and it really does seem like it takes a mustering), and gives your hand a firm shake before stuffing them back in his pockets. he is disinterested, surely, but afraid, too. it almost hurts you how clear his prevailing apprehension is, and you nearly make to apologize for forcing him to introduce himself. his eyes squint in the golden light cast over jackson.

“i work in the greenhouse, a few blocks from here on the edge of the settlement,” you explain, eyes drifting between joel and his little shadow, who both joel and tommy have yet to introduce. she looks a little feral, and this endears you immediately to her. “welcome in,” you offer, and you do your best to direct this message to her from around joel’s shoulder. her eyes are so big for a thing so ferocious (and you are certain she is) and they widen further at your acknowledgment of her.

“we won’t be here for long,” joel grumbles out and you straighten back up. he says it like you’ve offended him, and you bristle a little. tommy’s beautiful stranger is very guarded, you decide. regardless, the width of him, from left to right, blocks the mountain range behind him, and the patchy scruff along his jaw makes you die a little death.

“alright, well,” you start to back away then, feeling increasingly overwhelmed by his face and his broadness and this little girl who looks and moves like you used to, “you know where to find me,” and you nod a little to tommy before turning and walking away. you lasted all but five seconds in front of him, relishing in how little you were in his shadow cast upon you and loving whatever creature the girl he brought with him was, but all the same he looked too tired and cautious and vicious that it suffocated you. he wouldn’t be here for long, apparently; you’ll likely never see him again. as you step towards your little house, you figure it was worth the meeting, if for nothing else than a face to keep you company in the dark when you’re a woman and alone, and a real image to pair with the descriptions tommy gave of a brother who loved him once.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

for a while, it seemed you really wouldn’t see joel again. you watched, through your greenhouse walls, the great expanse of him ride out with the girl, and you were left with the comfort of knowing how gorgeous you found him and that you would never have to speak with him again. you warded off your own psychoanalysis of your relief at his faraway-ness in the face of your immediate physical attraction to him, and sunk your fingers again in the soil.

but then he had returned. what with how consoled you felt at his leaving, he almost had to; fate was funny this way. but you figure, still, you needn’t disturb yourself with him. you imagined he’d keep to himself with how unspeaking he was when you first met him, and other than crossing his path every once in a while, leaving tommy’s house or marching himself along somewhere or other, you were right.

you think of him at night, though. in the morning you wake up with the shame and hilarity of it, of this lusting over a man you neither know nor want to know, but past midnight in your bed you let your fingers slip over yourself thinking of how small he’d made you feel. the wanting of him strikes you somewhere between your shoulder blades, and you blame it entirely on how long it had been since you shared your bed with anyone. strictly physical, strictly physical. you’d learned again to care for yourself these years in jackson, and you’d wrought kinship from tommy and noah without realizing it, but in all you attend mostly to flora, and in this you are protected. yes, joel keeps to himself as you surmised he would, but you avoid him, too; to want him in this way, all hands and hips and somewhere within you, is harmless, you determine, so long as he stays tommy’s stranger. he could never be anything or anyone to you.

it’s six weeks or so of joel’s continued disinterest in you, and your insistent avoidance of him (barring the way you touched yourself at night to his face), before a knock at your door past sunset brings you out of bed. people rarely appear at your doorstep, though you imagine it’s noah dropping off seeds found on patrol, or tommy with a similar sort of package, or even ellie, joel’s little creature, who’d spoken all but five words to you about your garden, but all the same materialized rather often there to see the colors of your little fruits. but when maria blinks back at you when you open the door, any semblance of a greeting dies in the back of your throat.

“can i come in?” maria asks, although she’s already leaning her shoulder towards the gap between your body and the doorway. you step aside to let her through. it occurs to you that maria has never visited you in your home before, not in your five years in jackson, and when she turns back to you, back pressed against your kitchen counter, it’s clear she’s just had the same thought. the way she crosses her arms over her chest, the authority of it and the terror, too, beckons you toward her from your place at the threshold.

“is everything okay?” you sigh out as you prop your hip against the adjacent table top. she is inspecting you, but smiles.

“yeah, yeah.” one of you sniffs. you shift your weight. “i came to see what you thought of joel.”

you almost laugh then, really laugh. “i don’t think anything of joel.”

she rolls this answer around behind her teeth. “mhm,” and then this time with finality, “mhm”.

you inspect her, now. “you don’t want him here.” it isn’t a question.

maria hums. “tommy wants him here.”

“that isn’t what i said.”

she purses her lips a moment. “yeah, i know.”

and you’re making the moment torturous for her, you’re certain, because you know why she’s come to you, why she’s standing in your kitchen like the elected leader she is, while something awful, something almost like alarm, leaks from the back of her neck onto your floorboards. you’d come to jackson a wild thing and she’d tamed you, and now you lived as a dirt woman who sunk her dagger into earth and green and life more permanent than humanity. she is proud of this, you think. and joel came as much of the same, with red hands that opened dripping, and maria needs him watched now the same way she watched you through your garden’s glass. you sigh again.

“what do you want me to do, maria? anything i’d say to tommy would be infinitely more effective from you.”

maria nods. “i don’t want you to say anything to tommy. i can live with joel in jackson. but he’s insisting on patrol, and i don’t know who else to put with him.”

your jaw seizes, and the heat of anger spreads itself along your neck and around your ears. you remember when you’d pleaded so kindly, crouching to make yourself smaller, hands collapsed together, begging to be useful, to be put outside, to protect jackson like it was yours. maria was as honest with you then as she is now, and she’d cited your instability (the reality of which is neither here nor there) to keep you off the rounds. you’d told tommy maria envisioned your actions before jackson as far more unforgivable than they were, though you knew that was a lie before you opened your mouth to say it. “patrol?”

she looks so solemnly at you you think you might die right there between your kitchen and the staircase. “yeah. i want you to be his patrol partner. i’m not looking to send him out there with a gun strapped to his back with one of the other gu-”

“and why does it have to be me?” and you’re really angry, now. for your unyielding quiet in this jackson existence you’d sewn together and the little strawberry you’d grown from nothing, still, still, you were at most and at least a violence. “why can’t you assign someone else?”

maria has this answer constructed already, it seems, for how fast she releases it, “because you’ll kill him.”

“noah would, if he had to. and leila. i can think of at least fi-”

“i’m not saying you would kill him. i’m saying you could.”

and suddenly you were again a wasp or spider, poisonous and unthinking, and the weight of the killing you did before jackson, which you had halfway successfully ignored to piece yourself into something good, perched its chin on the crown of your head. your father’s knife, laying up next to your bed after what was now years of tending to vegetables and stalks and leaves, howled with laughter, and it carried down the stairs to you like wind in summer, leadened and screaming and satisfied.

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i hope you enjoyed this first part! like i said in my authors note, this is my first time writing a piece like this and certainly my first time posting it, so kindness is much appreciated, as is constructive criticism. part 2 coming (hopefully) soon🍓

update: chapter ii!!

[dumbkiri]

𝕆𝕦𝕣 𝕎𝕒𝕣

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ: ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀʟʟ

[Name] Jaeger was present for the fall of Shiganshina. She saved many lives of the mass, but couldn't save her own mother. Despite all that, she was charged for abandonment by a Garrison official named Woerman.

ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Leave a request in my inbox, comment down below for more! I'm going through some and editing as we speak. Series do come first though!

Dear Eren,

In a week’s time, I will be heading outside the walls. When I do I have to tell you the story about Captain Levi and how he saved me from five titans! One day, I’ll make sure to introduce you to him, wouldn’t that be amazing? Would I be the best sibling then?

Anyways that’s not why I am addressing you. I got a very angry letter from mom saying that you wanted to join the Scouts and follow in my footsteps. She warned me that if I don’t stop those “reckless” ideas from forming she would personally drag me off my horse by my ear the next time she sees me to give me a lecture. Surely my ears would fall off for two different reasons! 

So little brother, what makes you want to join the Scouts? Aren’t my stories of the outside world enough for you? It’s beautiful out there,but Eren, you do not want to venture outside the walls. Not now. The way it is, you won’t be able to survive. 

Titans are exceptional beings that are made and subjected to eating humans. You do not want to see that, I promise you. I have seen plenty of my comrades die in front of me. And I know you have seen the men and women come back with gruesome injuries before. Most don’t make it back home. 

I apologize if this scares you, but that’s the point. The world is a cruel and scary place. You know nothing about it and I’m trying my best to keep you hopeful. But titans are ten times bigger and stronger than you all. 

I know what that helpless feeling feels like. I almost lost my life until Captain Levi saved me from an awful death. You don’t want to see what a titan can do to a person you love. 

With that being said, Eren, you should enjoy the peace in your life right now. Hug mom more often, treat Mikasa nicer, fight harder for Armin and dad? Well you know how he can be sometimes. 

He loves us though. He loves all of us, that’s why he keeps fighting. It’s why I keep fighting. I will do everything in my power to keep my family safe this time that includes little Mikasa. 

I’ll see you soon, Eren. Give mom a big hug for me, will you? And tell her that I love her too. 

Sincerely, [Name] Jaeger

This was Eren’s fifth time rereading the letter his older sister sent him. And today was the day he, along with his mother and Mikasa, were going to send [Name] off with a good luck goodbye. He was going to see her again! This was really the only time he got to spend with her. Before she was sent out of the walls to go exploring. 

But something was different today. There was a knock at the door and his mother approached it with a giant smile on her face and a pep to her step. He slightly pouted wondering why she was like that when not even a minute ago she had scolded him about joining the Survey Corps again. 

Then his eyes widened in surprise when he saw who exactly was at the door. His smile is uncontainable just like his mother’s. “[Name]! You’re home!” He shouted happily as he ran to his sister and jumped into her awaiting hug. 

“Eren, it’s nice to see you again,” Her voice was just a tad bit softer than their mother’s. Her arms squeezed him in a tight hug as she laughed about his struggle to breathe through it all. 

“He couldn’t even wait for me to greet you,” Carla sighed and [Name] dropped Eren on the floor as she went to hug her mom. The women laughed about something [Name] had said and Eren blushed when his sister teased him about his excitement for seeing her. 

Then a question popped into his head, “Shouldn’t you be gone already? The bells should be ringing any time soon! What if you-”

[Name] looked down at Eren with a gentle smile on her face, “Calm down, Eren. I was given the day off today to speak with Commander Pixis about…politics. Really boring stuff, I tell you.” Eren could see that his sister was just trying to change the subject. 

“Oh yeah! I promised Hanji and Levi that I would introduce my kid siblings to them on their way out! Say that you two wanna tag along!” [Name] shouted enthusiastically, her hands on her hips with a proud stance. She knew her brother would be stoked to see his idol and his reaction proved to be correct. 

“No way, really! I can meet Captain Levi!” Eren shouted back with the same amount of glee in his voice. His sister nodded her head and gestured outside where a big black horse was standing in a prideful manner waiting for his rider. 

Mikasa awed at the sight of the horse before quickly reverting back to her state of neutrality. This was noticed by both of her female guardians and Carla, despite being against the idea of her son joining the Scouts, allowed for this to happen. 

“Be safe out there and listen to [Name], got it?” She asked the children with a stern voice and both of them nodded their heads. 

[Name] gave a quick kiss on her mom’s cheek and bid her farewell saying, “We’ll be back before supper! I missed your cooking so much!” 

Carla laughed and waved her kids off, “Don’t worry, I’ll make plenty for you to take back to your friends too.” The woman closed the door and [Name] laid her hands on the small backs of her siblings. She led them to the calm and quiet horse that patiently waited. 

“Let’s do this, yeah?” 

Eren watched as [Name] effortlessly picked up Mikasa and sat her in front of the horse’s back with her hands gripping tightly on the silver colored mane. Then [Name] swung herself onto the saddle with a huff steadying Mikasa so she wouldn’t fall. 

Eren stepped closer to the black horse and set his hand on the strong hip, petting it softly. “He’s very pretty, [Name],” Eren complimented and the horse trotted in place with a proud neigh. He looked at his sister who extended her hand out to him, “Reaper says thank you for the compliment.” 

He knew his sister was strong, but to pull his weight on top of the horse was cool. She used to be so weak back then, but the military must have changed her strength. He was placed behind his sister with his hands clenching on her brown jacket that had the Survey Corps emblem on the back. 

“Alright, kids! Hold on tight! Reaper will lose you in the dust if you fall!” [Name] joked lightheartedly and pulled the reins for her horse to go running to where the citizens meet up with the Scouts. 

This had to be the best day for Eren, he thought.

……

Hanji was patiently waiting. At least, that’s what she thought she was doing. But her legs couldn’t stop shaking from anticipation. She couldn’t possibly wait to be introduced to her best friend’s siblings! She casually looked to her right and saw her comrade, Levi Ackerman, looking around the crowd that formed on the sides of the path. 

His eyes flicked from person to person as if he was waiting to see a specific person. 

She wanted to tease him, but first she had to pull him in. 

“Aww, I’m gonna miss [Name] on this expedition!” Hanji pouted as she hung her head back in exasperation.  Then she straightened out her back and she shouted ahead of her comrades, “Hey Erwin! Why did you let [Name] have to speak to Commander Pixis! It literally could’ve been anyone else in this regiment!”

“Shut it, four-eyes. You’re already giving me a headache.”

Hanji looked to the right and saw Levi giving her a glare already. She smiled and pulled her horse to get closer to Levi’s. “Come on, I know you feel the same, Levi. I know you were looking at the crowd to see the familiar [h.color] hair and beautiful [e.color] eyes. I noticed how close the two of you have been-” 

“You’re annoying as ever,” Levi grumbled looking away with a scoff of irritation. 

Hanji opened her mouth to retort, but she heard her name being called out with excitement. She whipped her body around as best as she could and saw a woman waving at her with a giant smile. 

“Hange~! Levi~!” 

Her energetic voice was loud as ever and it brought a smile to the crazy scientist’s face. Then Hanji focused on the kid [Name] brought with her. There was a little girl with long black hair sitting in front of her with stone cold eyes. 

Hange recalled that her younger sister went through a lot of trauma as a kid, but they didn’t know how much. The little girl’s eyes reminded them of Levi’s. 

The citizens made way for the giant horse [Name] rode on and Reaper casually walked in between Hange’s and Levi’s horses. Upon meeting, the two black horses nudged their faces against each other as their greeting while the humans greeted each other. 

“[Name]! I thought you would never come! Both Levi and I were searching for you!” Hange shouted and immediately took notice of hands holding onto [Name]’s vest. “Oh and who is this?” 

Hange leaned backwards and saw a boy with brown hair and very pretty teal eyes look at her with a certain shyness in them. 

“Hange, Levi, this is my little brother, Eren! Levi, he’s your biggest fan!” [Name] gleamed and pulled a nervous Eren to the front, his bottom resting on her left thigh while Mikasa rested on the right one. 

The boy and the man were face to face with each other. Levi being taller on his horse was glaring down at Eren with his neutral look on his face. 

“H-hello…sir, I mean, captain!” Eren stuttered out then shoved his face into [Name]’s chest with a quaking smile. Mikasa noticed that Eren was a bit out of his comfort zone and she glared at Levi for the stare he directed at Eren. 

Hange laughed and jeered, “Geez, Levi, would it kill you to smile? Hey, Eren, I heard you wanted to join the Scouts!” 

This made Eren pick his head up and with a smile, he nodded his head, “Yes, I do! I want to see what’s beyond the walls!” His smile went away and with gloom, said, “These stuffy walls…we’re just like cattle stuck in here waiting for the titans to pick us off.” 

“Oh,” Hange said softly and looked at [Name] for some continuation. 

“Yeah, Eren, is determined to join the ranks. But mom is strictly against the idea for obvious reasons,” [Name] drawled out and she moved onto the next topic. 

“Anyways, this is our sister, Mikasa Ackerman. She is very protective of our Eren which should be my job, but hey! Can’t always be there!” [Name] laughed and Levi caught on to her last name. 

“Ackerman?” His eyes lingered on the foreign girl and she nodded her head slowly. They both had the same last name, but didn’t know who connected them to each other. 

[Name] watched Levi carefully waiting for more of a reaction than the one of curiosity. Then she continued, “These two love to get into fights with other children. Mikasa is super strong and fast while Eren is very determined! He never knows when to quit!” 

Levi hummed in response and focused on the task ahead. He had to get his head back into the game of this cruel world. It was a good thing [Name] wasn’t joining them today. Hanji was right about them getting closer in a relationship. 

He didn’t want a distraction on the field and this mission prolongs his feelings for the woman. But when he glanced at her from the side, holding those children in her arms protectively with a smile on her face while talking to Hanji made him question his life with her. 

Could they- No, could anyone in the Scouts have a family knowing that they could die outside the walls and never come back? Was it possible to protect one another from the titans? 

He couldn’t even protect his friends. Isabel barely made it with [Name]’s help. Even he didn’t know how the two of them survived the abnormal titan. 

“[Name] tells me about the outside all the time, but really! How is it?” Eren asked with enthusiasm that broke through his shy shell. Hange laughed at his question and opened her mouth to respond, but Levi beat her to it with his soft voice. 

“It’s beautiful out there.” 

This silenced the three loud people as they looked at him with shocked expressions. But Eren was the first to break the silence as his hands clenched in anticipation, “It really is, isn’t it? I want to see it! I want to see it all!” 

Levi’s eyes widened for a fraction seeing the pretty eyes that belonged to Eren remind him of Isabel. Even his attitude that [Name] spoke of reminded him of the red haired woman. 

“Just be patient, Eren,” [Name] said with a gentle voice and a certain sadness in her eyes. Hange and Levi knew that look all too well. [Name] had a point in saying that the boy needed patience. Not everyone was willing to sacrifice their life just to see what was beyond the walls. She wanted to keep his innocence in place. 

Levi looked from [Name]’s face over to her brother, he said, “You’re sister is right, brat. Enjoy the life you have now before you dedicate it to the Scouts.”

Then the five of them shot their heads forward when Erwin began his speech for the next expedition. Levi and Hanji shifted in their saddle while [Name] put her siblings back into their respective places. 

Levi heard [Name] whisper to her siblings, “That is Commander Erwin, he’s very motivational. Do you guys wanna feel the rush of riding beside the Scouts?” 

“Yes, I do!” Eren whispered with excitement and Levi rolled his eyes. This kid was a different breed for sure. 

“Okay, hold on tight and make sure to give Hanji and Levi the best “see you later”.” 

See you later? Not a goodbye. 

Levi looked ahead with a newfound motive. That’s right, he’s coming back to see her smile. To hear her imaginative stories of the outside wall that were lucrative to speak of. 

The gates opened up and everyone began riding out to their mission. The five of them rode next to each other for another 30 seconds until [Name] stopped her horse at the entrance. He kept his eyes forward while hearing the voice of Eren Jaeger shouting at them. 

His voice was surprisingly louder than the horses running. 

“Hanji! Levi! We’ll see you later! Mom has the best food waiting for you!” 

Hanji turned around with a smile on her face as she waved at them, her horse continuing to make the distance bigger, 

“See ya guys later! I can’t wait to taste it!” 

Levi split off from Hanji and his squad followed closely behind him. He already said his ‘see you later’ to [Name] earlier. But he must admit that Eren’s was a bit better with that childlike excitement in his voice. 

Little did he know, Levi would come back hearing that the town his friend lived in with her family was destroyed by titans. The terrifying news the bearer held was enough to make him charge straight into Shiganshina to see the destruction. 

…… 

“A fucking hole made by a Titan that was bigger than the walls breached?” Levi questioned angrily, not believing a single word the messengers relay to them. 

He stood among Erwin Smith and Hange Zoe along with their respective squad mates. 

“Y-yessir! It came down with a single strike of lightning and it peered over the wall! Then it just kicked a hole in and titans started coming through!” 

Erwin Smith hummed and stepped up, “What about the Scout that was left behind. She was ordered to speak with Commander Pixis about the Garrison Regiment.” 

The lead messenger nodded his head, “Y-yeah, of course! You’re talking about [Name] Jaeger! She granted the civilians of Shiganshina a lot of time by killing the first titans that came through! But then…” 

The messenger stopped and thought about his words. The silence was enough to stop the heart of Hange as she grabbed the soldier by the shoulders, “Hey, don’t stop in the middle of explaining like that! She’s not dead!” 

The soldier said a small ‘okay’ then resumed his sentence, “But then her family was in danger. She abandoned her post and left to save them. I heard that her mother was terribly injured and her kid siblings just weren’t strong enough to help her…I-I don’t know the whole story. But she’s being held accountable for abandonment.” 

“How much time did she grant the civilians?” 

Erwin’s question stunted the man and his blue eyes were hauntingly glaring at the messenger. 

“H-huh?”

“He asked how much time did she give the people to escape? How many shitty titans did she kill by herself?” Levi reiterated in his own words. 

The lead messenger looked back at his colleague and they brought out a piece of paper. Their eyes scanning over the account of witnesses and Garrison soldiers about the woman who wore wings on her back. 

“[Name] Jaeger gave a whole seven minutes and 19 seconds of time to run away. She proceeded to kill 27 titans by herself and assisted the Garrison soldiers with many more. Yet she abandoned her post and left an abnormal Titan to burst through the interior wall which she could have stopped.” 

The Scouts were silent with the account. 

Levi huffed out in annoyance, “You’re telling me, she helped the Garrison soldiers fight and reduced the amount of lives lost only for you guys to put the blame on her for another abnormal Titan bashing in? Isn’t it the job of the Garrison to help evacuate citizens? Why wasn’t anyone helping her family?”

“No disrespect to you all, but you guys weren’t there. The silence that engulfed Shiganshina…the cries of terror after the hole was created…the titans walking- The fear was enough to stun us!” 

“Not enough to stun [Name] Jaeger,” Erwin spoke up with his naturally deep voice, “it seems to me she was the only one who responded accordingly to an attack. She’s not a Garrison Soldier, but she did the job of one. Explain to me why that is.” He demanded the shorter man before him and the messenger shook his head. 

“I’m not sure why,” The man said quietly nervously looking at the intense eyes Erwin had that made him submit to an actual answer, “M-maybe because she’s braver than me, okay! Maybe I was afraid of losing my life! She’s used to seeing titans, she’s a Scout for crying out loud and one of the best! I’m just a messenger, I never fought a real titan and she has that experience!” 

“She was amazing out there,” The second messenger, the one with the witness statements, said out loud for the scouts to hear. The female continued on with a certain spark in her eyes, “[Name] Jaeger had killed so easily that it looked like anyone could do it. She gave me the confidence to kill two titans by myself even with my heart racing in fear. But when I stopped, she didn’t, she continued onward and she thanked me…me for helping her out even though I only killed two.” 

Hanji smiled softly and said, “Yeah, that’s what she does best. She lets you know that you did good even if you don’t think the same of yourself. But please, tell me why the Garrison is charging her for abandonment, but none of you are facing the same consequence.” 

The female looked at her partner and she sighed, “Captain Woermann is the one charging her because he believes she could have stopped the second titan from blowing another hole.”

Erwin hummed and asked the woman, “Do you think he’s right?” 

“No,” she shook her head, “ the cannons did nothing to stop the second titan. It had armor all over his body. I’m one hundred percent sure that her blades couldn’t have pierced through the plates at all.”

The topic changed immediately when Levi asked an important question that can change the charges against his friend, “Was anyone with her when she tried to save her family?”

The woman’s eyes widened and she nodded her head, “Y-yeah, actually, it was Hannes.” 

The male messenger rolled his eyes and scoffed, catching the attention of the scouts. 

“What’s with that reaction,” Levi questioned, his eyes narrowing into a glare. 

“Hannes is a drunk,” the man replied with a sneer, “all he did early in the day was drink with his buddies. That man can’t guard shit and-” 

“Good,” Erwin smiled and looked at Levi and Hanji, “that’s good. We can use his story to get [Name] out of her trial without any punishments given.”

[lilyginnyblackv2]

I think something that we need to keep in mind is that Buddy Daddies is taking place in Japan. Not a fantasy setting or idealized depiction of Japan, but just real ol’ Japan. 

So a lot of shitty things happening to the female characters and the female characters in the series being placed in positions where they don’t have agency and power is likely being done on purpose. Why? Because the power that women hold in Japan isn’t much. They are still fighting for that, immensely.

Like, Japan’s gender equality ranking keeps getting higher (aka it keeps getting worse). It’s better than some previous generations for sure (and better than some other countries), but Japan went from ranking #74th in 2020, #80 in 2021, #103 in 2022, and now #104 in 2023, this is out of 190 countries. 

Kazuki and Rei are involved with an Organization that is male dominated. There isn’t a single female assassin in sight, Rei’s mother is non-existent, and wives, girlfriends, and girls (like Miri) are targeted because of their mere existence and bonds to these male assassins being viewed as a threat. Miri being non-blood related is also another reason why she is targeted, but her being a girl (and likely viewed as useless by Shigeki since, like I noted, we haven’t seen a single female assassin) is another. 

Men who don’t fit in or try to deflect from this Organization and the things it stands for, also become targets. Because they, too, are viewed as threats. They are viewed as traitors. Japan is still in a place, in regards to women’s equality, where men are the ones that have to support and speak up for women, in order to make the room and space for female voices to be heard loudly and for women in general to gain more power and control and agency over themselves.

There are, of course, many Japanese women fighting for all of this right now. They aren’t helpless, but the society they are navigating and fighting their way through, was not built for them to have the level of power as men. They really need the support of men, in the same way that any minority group ultimately needs the support of a majority group in order for their own voices to be properly heard. With Buddy Daddies, the Organization and Shigeki represent tradition. They represent “blood purity” and things remaining unchanged - in this case, men being in positions of power and traditional blood bound families that can produce blood-bound heirs. 

That is the world that keeps harming the women in this series, and that is the world that Kazuki and Rei are leaving. That’s the world that is viewed as being incorrect, wrong, and villainous. 

Meanwhile, the world that showed Kazuki and Rei that they could change is the one that is dominated by women - childcare. But, unlike the Organization, the world of Miri’s daycare is open to others - the head of the daycare is an older man, there was one male daycare worker at field day, Kazuki and Rei were accepted at the daycare, during field day you can see old, young, and Taiga’s parents who are “delinquents”. Women’s voices are heard. Miss Anna is depicted as strong. Miri is shown having agency, making decisions, being in a leadership role (both in Episode 6 when she leads her friends around the zoo to find Miss Anna and again in Episode 9 when she makes the field day speech). The mom’s shout and are loud (field day), we see them expressing themselves in various interesting ways in the mom chats. 

And it is only after Kazuki and Rei start stepping into this world, where learning, changing, growing, and accepting the non-traditional and unconventional are openly accepted that we start to really see them both grow and change too. 

Buddy Daddies writing isn’t perfect. I personally don’t like the whole “overprotective dad” stuff and I do feel that we should have gotten another episode between E10 and E11. Some of the events in E11 do feel rushed in their execution. Though I have seen far worse.

But the series is making some points. Kazuki and Rei are two men that are shown to be fully capable of caring for a child. There are some learning bumps along the way, but they are able to do it in the end. Many of the men who are part of Buddy Daddies, like the VAs, talk about how this is a series that men should watch, because more men need to be like Kazuki or learn to grow and put in the effort like Rei. 

Men in Japan (and like in many other parts of the world too) don’t put in the same amount of time, effort, and care when it comes to childcare and childrearing as women do. Our protagonists are showing that they can and should though.

And they have chosen to continue existing and pursuing the world of fatherhood, a space where women have more of a voice and unconventional family dynamics are welcomed, rather than stay in the world of assassination where men dominate and blood is what matters. 

If the series does go in the direction that many think it will, then Kazuki and Rei (likely along with the help of Kyutaro) are going to be directly targeting and potentially killing the character that represents tradition, male domination, and a world where women and children are killed because they are viewed as both useless and a threat at the same time.

Does it suck that most of the women in the series have been fridged or exist to further the plot of the men (Kazuki and Rei)? Yes, it does. But I think we are meant to feel frustrated about that. We can see the cruelty and pointlessness, and feel the frustration at the powerlessness that they have. 

The series hasn’t wrapped up yet. Episode 12 could do something that totally destroys this reading. But, for now, this is what I’m getting from the series. One of the script writers, likely the main one at that, since she is a veteran and has a lot of series to her name, is a woman. So I would like to think that these things aren’t just happening because the plot calls for it (getting Misaki out of the way for Kazuki and Rei), but for more complex issues instead.

[justa-smalltown-gargoyle]

Assassin’s Creed Rogue Thoughts As I Go!

-did not realize this game is so short, woah

-I got spoiled about this game in a YouTube comment section which made me really not want to play it😔

-but I still am because I own it cuz it came with black flag haha

-right off the bat, I wish I knew why Shay joined the brotherhood in the first place. Why is he here? Why does he want to be an assassin? Personally if I was his mentor his way of going about things would indeed worry me

-what happens in Lisbon is horrific. I think they did a really good job of portraying that and feeling that fear and also helplessness that you can do nothing and your actions caused it.

-I think Shay should have actually tried to talk to Achilles first and I think Achilles should have tried talking to Shay as well- I’m frustrated because we don’t even learn if Achilles knew that would happen or not. And also why tf would this device do this? That’s extremely different from any other device from Eden that we have yet to see.

-I do appreciate Shay’s anger at what happen, it makes complete sense to me. However it’s like? He’s just like oh I’m a Templar now I guess. What? Like maybe no side is the good option here? Or maybe, idk, see why this happened???

-people might jump me for this and idk maybe im being to extreme, but this game……is not doing good for repping poc. I mean, yeah this is Ubisoft. And obviously people of color can be morally gray, can be antagonists, they are not a monolith, however I feel like they made Achilles the man in charge of the colonial brotherhood which is so dope and then now they choose to question the brotherhood’s actions? Have him be all about people following without asking questions?

Painting Shay as the one in the right here, the white man, in comparison to the black man? Idk it’s just not sitting right with me. (This is also taking place in the same game you kill that man’s father, the one black man protagonist this game series has had thus far)

-and going off of that, I think it is an important point to show that the assassins are not this beacon of virtue, which I feel the Ezio games and even AC1 taps into. And that not all Templars are nefarious villains. But I feel like isn’t the whole point of the conflict about how ends don’t justify the means? How both sides want peace, but what differs them is what they’re willing to do to achieve it? how the assassins focus on freedom and the Templars focus on control? It doesn’t matter how pure your motives are if you take away peoples freedom to achieve it?

Also looking at who holds power in the world, in our world, how that aligns with who are Templars. The Templars line of thinking is a slippery slope to fascism. The top dogs are fascists, I feel like this game is forgetting that? Maybe that’ll be different by the time I finish playing it. It’s just important to remember what side the maroons were on and what side the plantation owners were on. And to be fair, the Governor in Black Flag was anti-slavery, but did he truly see Black men and women as his equals? My guess is no.

I just feel like “Templars aren’t actually the bad guys!” Is not the nuanced take it’s being painted as.

-so idk i appreciate Shay being a literal human being and being angry about what happened but i question his choices

-also when he’s on the ship and tells Liam about …the women 😀 around the world I was really grossed out. (Also his dialogue is a great example of the Madonna Whore complex!! We love to see it!) (we don’t, that was sarcasm)

-so um he lost some major points from me due to that convo

-he looks better with less facial hair and a ponytail tho

-and I really like Liam! Please don’t make me kill him😭😭😭😭

[2manythoughtz]

Reasons Why Nate Is The Most Misunderstood Character Of Euphoria

Nate is probably the most misunderstood character of all the series, people both adore and hate him, but why is that?

When you think of Euphoria the first characters that come to mind are Rue, Jules, Maddy and Cassie. While they’re all very well-defined characters, I think we can all agree that Euphoria is great at leaving a cloud of mystery around these people. So, while you take in their backstories and see what they’re up to, you might question their actions and their reasoning since they don’t exactly show you everything you want to know.

While plot holes and mischaracterization aren’t new to fans, what seem like small mistakes when talking about the main characters can later become big trouble for other secondary characters like Nate.

To refresh your mind, Nate is the youngest son of a very important and wealthy family, his great looks and athleticism made him one of the most popular kids in school. He’s the usual asshole jock you can find in any kind of movie, only in Euphoria you can see so many different shades of him that you end up confused and you don’t know what type of person he is.

Why is he so misunderstood in the series?

As I said earlier, he is your typical jock. He’s a douche who plays football, gets the girl, throws wild parties and is overall a pretty bad person. That is until we see his backstory and realize that something is wrong.

1. Sexuality

I’m gonna stop on this point for a while because I feel like no one ever cared/understood what was going on. Ever since we got our first look at Nate’s backstory, during episode 2 of season 1 “Stuntin like my daddy”, I think people have entirely misunderstood his character based on his sexuality.

As we get to see, his psyche is very dark and twisted because of his father’s influence from a very young age, though it was indirect it didn’t stop him from getting this obsession with sex. We can see this through his whole relationship with Maddy which is very sexual and almost obsessive, which to me feels like kind of an anchor to his heterosexuality. But that doesn’t mean that he is homosexual, differently from what everyone in the series seems to think as soon as they find out that he has dick pics on his phone.

So what is he? Truth is, it doesn’t really matter? I don’t think people should concentrate on the right label as the show is good at portraying the fact that sexuality is fluid. If you think about Rue, everyone was so quick to accept her and her relationship just because she’s the protagonist, Jules also gets acclaimed for her initial confusion but Nate gets immediately ridiculed and seen as this weird boy.

Another thing that I see a lot of people talking about is his obsession with Jules in the first season, which to me doesn’t sound like a romantic interest at all and it just goes so far as for the sexual part. They’ve only shared nudes and Nate was no stranger to receiving nudes from other people, both men and women apparently, so there was never something special between them. Yes, they texted a lot and he seemed genuine in getting to know her, but let’s all remember that it all started because Nate knew Jules had hooked up with his father and wanted to protect his family’s name.

I really like how in the first season no one really talks about his preferences that much because we’re all focused on his toxic side after he attacked Maddy.

The second season was a hot mess, that is no secret. I’m not surprised he went for Cassie, if you think about it really hard it makes sense. She is everything he liked and everything Maddy wasn’t. At least at first, in the end, we’re left with a lot of questions after the school play which makes fun of Nate being gay for no apparent reason. We’re left with this curiosity, is Nate really gay and hiding his preferences because that’s what he’s been taught? Or is he simply confused and still trying to understand himself?

2. Trauma

As much as everyone hates Nate’s ways, we must remember that everything happens for a reason. In his case, Nate’s father is the real reason behind his behavior. This is in no way a reason to excuse what he did in the series nor justify him, just trying to understand the reasoning behind his character.

Euphoria has done an incredible job of showing the different traumas that affected most of the main characters, it’s amazing to see how their childhoods impacted their teenage years regardless of how serious you think their problems might be. In this sense, Nate’s childhood is very well described.

Not only he had an emotionally absent father, but he’s only seen his dad being obsessed with having the perfect family while hiding away every flaw they might have. Nate is born with this unexplained anger inside of him that we later find out is passed down by his father, that alone makes it hard for him to grow up without anyone ever noticing it.

The rest of his family is messed up as well, but the father is the real reason for how he behaves. Nate finds out about his father’s sexuality through the recordings of his random hookups with gay men and trans women, this significantly impacts little Nate’s mentality.

Not only does he learn that his father is cheating on his mother, but he also tries to hide his preferences meaning that they’re wrong. Of course, we know that that is not the case, but everything is very well explained in season 2 when we see Cal Jacobs in his teen years having difficulties with his sexuality as well, but that’s another topic to look into.

Nate’s constant obsessive behavior is just a replica of his father’s desperate tentative to have a perfect family while hiding himself. One of the main reasons why I don’t think Nate is necessarily gay is that he is never shown to have a genuine interest in men romantically speaking, just trying to fill his father’s shoes.

3. Toxic Relationships

As I said before, he is in a very toxic relationship with Maddy in season 1 and in yet another toxic relationship with Cassie in season 2. That definitely goes to define his view of love and relationships, not only that but his only example of a regular couple is his parents who barely talk to each other.

Maddy can be labeled as his first love, he goes as far as saying that he would kill for her. But it is also shown that they argue a lot and have many differences that cause them to yell at each other and become physical and that only goes to reinforce his idea that with love comes anger and it’s ok as long as it’s not out there for everybody to see.

That is shown when Nate reacts violently to Maddy insulting him in front of his family and everybody standing there. But when faced with the question about his sexuality he breaks down because he doesn’t know what acceptance is, he feels like he has failed.

With Cassie everything seems to be perfect, she’s gentle and delicate and he thinks she would be perfect to be his future wife. But as their relationship develops, we can see that he quickly regrets his decision once he sees just how broken she is. She’s perfect on the outside but she may be worse than Maddy on the inside and I believe that will definitely shape his view of relationships in the future and he’ll think twice before getting with anyone.

This can also be proved by the fact that even if he and Maddy broke up, they kept meeting up and acting like a couple, even when he was with Cassie. To me, this shows that he’s not comfortable getting with new people and would rather stay with the old toxic ones.

As I said earlier, Nate seemed genuine in talking to Jules even if he wasn’t honest with her. When she finds out that the boy she has fallen for is none other than the school’s jock she is disappointed and scared which is understandable from our point of view, but I think that left Nate bittersweet. He knew he was blackmailing her but from his point of view as long as she kept quiet he wasn’t going to do anything to her, what might’ve developed into a friendship became a hate relationship.

Going into seasons 1 and 2, Nate never tries to hurt Jules again and seems kind of melancholic that they’re not talking anymore. That might be just another way for him to see that he is not fit for friendships with the other sex and keep his view of women as these objects for his pleasure and status.

4. Self-esteem issues

Throughout the series, we can see that Nate is not this big confident jock as everyone think he is. In fact, he is very self-conscious about himself in every way. We can get a first glimpse of this in the second episode of season 1.

Nate has been working out ever since he was a child to get the perfect body, he is ashamed of his insecurities and tends to hide from others. He doesn’t like changing with his teammates in the locker room, he doesn’t feel comfortable having people around him and he needs to be in control of the situation and also everyone close to him.

His sexuality of course is his number one insecurity, he doesn’t know how to hide it so he tries his best to focus on finding the perfect girl. As I anticipated before, his relationship with Maddy feels like an excuse to feel and show his heterosexuality even though we know he isn’t. As soon as that facade is over he doesn’t seem to care about anything, not Maddy, not Cassie and definitely not Jules.

His aggression, his jealousy and his need to protect those he cares about all come from the fact that he is insecure, he fears they will leave him and he’ll lose the only people he actually accepts. At the end of the day, he is still a teenager and feels just like most teenagers which is something I feel like most people completely forget and see him just as this grown asshole that only cares about himself.

In conclusion, while Nate is probably the most hated character in the series, he is so complex and has a lot of potential, it’s a shame that it was wasted in the end. There is so much more to say about him that I think was completely missed throughout the second season. There is so much people want to know about Nate’s future, is he going to hide all his life and play pretend like his father? Or will he break the cycle and finally be himself?

What do you think? Feel free to join the discussion with your personal thoughts! Do you agree? Do you disagree? Let me know!

[deeplyridiculouslyinlove]

I’m realizing my fundamental issue with the Wheel of Time books is that despite the entire point of the series being the importance of saving the world and essentially all of humanity, in some ways there…isn’t a lot of humanity in the series.

Where are the characters weeping for those they’ve lost?* Where are the characters who make a choice and regret it? Or question forever if it was the right one even if they felt they had no other option? There are so many romantic relationships but never do we hear a character thinking about *why* they love the person they supposedly love. What draws them together? Why is that person so unique and special that they stand out above all the other beautiful people in the world? What are all the long-standing friendships in the books built upon besides proximity at a young age? Why are these characters willing to die for their friends? Do the Aiel or the Seafolk get homesick? Does anyone after maybe book 4 even miss their family and friends? Do they worry about them and in what ways? Why does only that one Aes Sedai care about and for any animals that aren’t horses or wolves? Does anyone feel tenderness? Even most of the romantic relationships are full of hitting and insulting each other, even if it is (usually) playful.

Why is everything about “men this” and “women that” and nothing is about the ways people are the same so even lowly strangers are worth risking your entire life for? No one fees like an outcast? (In this crazy gender dichotomy of a world I’d love an internal struggle with the gender roles someone was put into, but I’d take a more general struggle with who a character was told as a child they were supposed to be as an adult.**) Why can’t we see an older woman who can channel thinking about what it means to have lived for hundreds of years, to have seen generations of people pass before her? Imagine how that would raise the stakes for her in confronting the breaking of the world.

The most human part of the books for me so far was Nynaeve confronting how her anger is rooted in fear and a feeling of powerlessness and lack of control - yet she’s the character consistently named as someone a lot of readers dislike?!

I’m only halfway though book 10 so this all may change but like, if it takes until book 11 of 14 (or later) for the humanity to largely manifest I think my point stands.

*Lews Therin is the exception here, and I don’t think he really counts as a character - at least where I’m at.

**It seems like Min might give us this at first, but then by book 7 her whole personality is removed to make her a Rand love vehicle, so sadly that falls immensely flat. Faile sort of rebelled against her role in life, but only sort of, and we also don’t get to hear any of her thinking about this firsthand.

[sco07ut]

i’ve got like 20 mins until my bus shows up and i’m bored so, at risk of being mobbed by that specific brand of over-30-cishet-female-mat-baynton-stans, i would like to talk about why i think transfem thomas thorne could actually be a good route for his character growth !

(but it’s below the cut bc it’s long discussion </3)

so obviously being infatuated with alison is an integral part to thomas’ character, aside from being a terrible poet it’s one of his most identifying traits. even in episodes where he’s tried to ‘grow out of it’ (see: s4e2) he’s still back to his original state at the end of the episode (and while this could be chalked up to the fact that you stays how you dies and therefore can’t grow as a person i would like to raise you this: he obviously was not obsessed with alison when he died, therefore i think there’s still some hope for him yet) anyway ! got off track a bit there,

thomas can’t ‘grow out of’ loving alison until he recognises why he loves alison - or perhaps, the idea of alison (now this could lead onto a talk abt why i also think and hc that tom is aromantic but people have covered that before)

let’s backtrack for a moment and review what exactly we know and/or can infer about thomas: he’s unlike the other men we see in the thomas thorne affair, his interests, opinions on romance and accumulated skills aren’t particularly masculine.

he’s very creative (just because he’s bad at it doesn’t mean the drive isn’t there), adores the arts (written word, paintings, songs), he clearly values women for who they are as people (and to a degree, their looks) and bases his affections on that, as opposed to financial gain (squints at francis button), and he clearly hasn’t had any experience when it comes to duels or fights in general and his general ‘layabout’ personality would definitely reflect the fact that rich women in the 1800s had very few responsibilities and obviously weren’t expected to work.

now, all of these aren’t inherently feminine traits, this is obvious, we all know this, i’m not saying that men can’t do these things. kindly don’t take my words out of context, but in the case of a man who lived in the 1800s, they can be seen as pretty feminine. this also isn’t the basis for my argument, i just want to point out a few things before i get into the meat of it !

and slightly less solid reasoning: mat baynton just plays him really fruitily. if you asked me to explain it i don’t think i could, but cmon just look at him

anywa, it’s pretty much an accepted part of the fanbase by now that thomas is bad at recognising what sort of love he’s feeling, and i raise you this: what if the desire he’s feeling for alison isn’t romantic, but is instead, desiring to be her.

(if you’re a lesbian, this is a familiar concept: do i want to date her or be her?)

he could potentially see elements of himself in alison, her own appreciation for art, and maybe even traces of the physical self (slim, white, dark haired? - this could also support the reasons why he was such a strong interest in lucy, who also shares these features, but hasn’t expressed any canon interest in fanny or kitty. mary is a bit of an outlier here but it’s whatever, my hc just has pockets ig). and when we have a great appreciation for someone we can tend to idolise them a little. in thomas’ mind, alison could potentially just be an idealised version of who he wants to be, and in his own confusion when it comes to recognising that fact, he could be mistaking admiration for adoration.

thomas is very clearly an idiot, the entire series is proof of that, and generally unless the facts are laid out right in front of him he doesn’t Get things. when we consider the fact that transgenderism was extremely uncommon and likely incredibly underground, thomas probably doesn’t even know it’s an option outside of the way that literally everyone ponders what it would’ve been like to have been born the opposite sex at least once in their life.

so why do i think this would be an effective way to fix thomas’s weird infatuation with alison?

well, at this point in the series it’s obvious that thomas isn’t just going to stop ‘loving’ her, there needs to be some big wake-up call that makes him stop. however, i feel that the longer ThemThere keep dragging out this part of his character, the harder it’ll be to bounce back from it. right now we’re lucky that thomas is such an avidly romantic character, his obsession with alison is uncomfortable enough as it currently stands but at least we know it’s innocent and emotional. but as the series goes on i just worry that that line could start to blur.

at this point, thomas suddenly moving on from alison seems entirely unfeasible and he would definitely need to have some element of identity rocked to really consider what it is about alison that he’s obsessed with. of course i’d be completely happy if that happened to be the fact that he’s aromantic or aroace but i just think thomas ending up transfem would be an interesting route to go down as an alternative (bc i know some people are very much ride and die when it comes to certain ships. and i’ll admit, i do appreciate a bit of romance between tom n different characters)

i feel like it would also be a better justification for his infatuation with her aside from just ‘too much love’ (thomas thorne=ashfur.?), obviously all obsessions are a bit iffy but i feel like if it came from a place of ‘i really want to be her and don’t know how to express that’ instead of just ‘i want her’ it would be a bit less weird. less creepy i think? and it’s an issue that can actually be worked through and addressed properly with ways of helping thomas transition instead of telling him to simply stop loving alison.

plus it would make all their interactions just so much sweeter !! whenever they talk i’m always on the edge of my seat waiting for thomas to make some weird remark but augh!!!!! they could b girl best friends !!!!

and it’s not like the cast is adverse to playing trans women ! gabriel and ho-tan are such beloved characters, gabriel gets her happy ending and even though ho-tan’s wish is reversed it’s still very much implied that they respect her identity (i do wish they had explored or at least addressed this more though) (however, ho-tan’s femininity is never the subject of a joke like gabriel’s is, so i suppose they even each other out)

anyway my final reason for tom being transfem is that dear god i’m jsut a simple lesbian please please let me have this i won’t ask for anything else i swear

[blue-cheeseinmyoffwhites]

In response to “Why are you shipping Buck and Eddie , they aren’t gay” aka Sexuality 101

*aka clear my drafts challenge*

You’re right. They’re not. And they don’t have to be.

Before I get into this mess, I want to make clear that I am not trying to convince others to ship Buddie. I am making my argument as to WHY people ship Buddie.

Both Buck and Eddie have shown interest in women multiple times. Ruling them as gay could be unjust to their relationships throughout the series. BUT, ruling them as straight would be equally unjust. Sure they have never explicitly made actions indicating that they are attracted towards men (at least to what we have seen), but that doesn’t automatically rule out that they find other men attractive or they can change their preference.  

Sexuality is fluid

“They’re just best friends”. Yep you’re right. And that’s exactly why they’re relationship would thrive. The idea that a person who you value very deeply, can trust with things that can’t be trusted with others, and will always be there for you when needed. This kind of relationship can can easily lead into a romantic pairing. And that is a perfect description about what Buck and Eddie have. So it’s not too far off for someone to think that they would make a nice pairing.

“Why can’t two guys just be friends?” Ok why can’t they be a couple? These people are precisely the problem. That whole “wE nEeD tO sEe mOrE sTrOnG mAlE rElAtIoNsHiPs” mindset is completely ridiculous. Straight men are already the norm in film/media. Would it be so bad if ONE tv pair got together? No one wants to admit it, but this is actually a homophobic mindset. The distaste in the idea that two men can be in a relationship.

“I only see them as brothers”. Respectfully get your eyes checked because clearly they don’t.

“I don’t see any romantic chemistry between them” but like…..they get more screentime and development than a lot of other couples on the show (and shows in general). I guarantee that someone is most likely to remember a Buddie scene significantly faster than a Henren scene or even a Madney scene (no disrespect or downplay to those pairings, love them). The fact that they get so much development around each other makes it clear that they are important for each other’s stories, which could all tie together if they became a pair.

I don’t know what Buck and Eddie identify as. And you don’t know either. The reason people ship is because they like the idea of two characters together. Buck and Eddie, as well as countless others, have had enough interactions together for people to start connecting the dots. People who attack others for ships really need to set their priorities straight. These characters are made up. They don’t live in the same world we do. Let them live a little.

[powerfulblob]

Nimona and Fatphobia

OK so for those of you who don’t know, they’re making Nimona significantly thinner in the movie version...

When she’s canonically plus-sized.

The original comic does a pretty good job with this, and avoids many commont ropes.

Still, I have some criticisms about size representation in the series as a whole, and I’ll get to those too.

Spoilers ahead.

Alos, tw for misogyny, fatphobia, racism, ableism, classism, eating disorders,

Before we start, a quick disclaimer:

I’m plus-sized, in the sense that this is the label that I think describes my size the best, and I have to get “oversized” clothes at Garage and my parents tried to get me to diet, so this was a big deal for me.

First...

First and most importantly: Size is not Nimona’s primary character trait.

She’s the main character of the series.

And this is something that’s such a big deal.

ND Stevenson himself said it in his earlier cartoon: The action comic industry is not so big on size representation.

In this comic, Stevenson critiques the way in which merchandise, posters, and the general culture of comics is very much misogynistic and portraying a very universally thin model.

The gendered sizing stereotypes and objectification come hand-in-hand. It’s the idea that women can only be seen as thin, busty objects of men’s consumption.

In any case, it’s the big deal that Nimona’s the main character.

She’s on the front cover of the book, the series is named after her, she’s the main character with arguably the most important role...

In any case, like this is the first thing I wanted to mention. While size representation is getting better, it’s usually a side character or two. But she’s the main character. I can talk about this alone for hours honestly.

2. Food

When I was reading Nimona again, I was worried because of the food tropes. I realized there was a running joke about pizza, and I was about to groan thinking of all the fatphobic comments that could come out of this.

But after actually reading this:

The joke isn’t about Nimona wanting food, it’s about her boss, Ballister, having nothing to eat in his fridge and having trashy taste.

He, dead-pan, says, “There are some genetically altered anchovies” Like what the hell is up with that?!

I actually think this is really awesome, as someone who struggled with eating disorders for a while.

I didn’t want another “The Whale” situation where the fatness was portrayed as a thing to be ashamed of, and directly caused by “junk food.” 

Nimona sips soda without caring for calories, has cravings that’s treated as something to familiarize her with the audience, and it’s overall a good job.

3. Power

This isn’t Shazam, in which thinness is considered synonymous with power.

She’s always portrayed as lively, and strong, regardless of her weight. If she needs to transform, it’s never to do with weight, but to do with form and function. Which is honestly a lot more than I was expecting.

Criticisms:

Amount There really aren’t that any other main characters that are plus-sized. Like, there are a few minor ones with less than 10 speaking lines, but nothing too major. But the one character that is important is treated with respect that I wish more plus-sized characters have in media today.

Still, there are a few worth mentioning. This includes Tabitha, the apple-seller, and Tabitha’s friend (again, extremely minor character but better than nothing). Like, I thought it was nice to see too sorta-thick characters getting together and chatting. You know, just living life. I thought that was nice. Sometimes normalcy is a good way to go when we have trash like The Whale out there.

Also, there was this random person with two speaking lines (not loving the ableist and classist stuff, tbh though)

Of course, there’s also my favorite character in the series, Dr. Blitzmeyer, but I’m still angry that she was menat to be thicker in the sketches so I’m not including her :(

Look at that! She was thicc af before

There were a few more plus-sized folks in the book, but no one who’s actually major.

In all:

I wish there were more plus-sized characters in the original comics, but that doesn’t remove the fact that Nimona was handled extremely well, especially for a comic.

[barbieslutshamesken]

hi. i feel like enough time has passed and i have separated myself from the fandom enough to make this statement. anyways here’s my super duper controversial statement.

nick and charlie are poorly written characters and they’re relationship is entirely too codependent. as a queer person (assigned male at birth) who has been interested in guys, i hate how they’re relationship is depicted. i really just have a huge issue with women writing men-loving-men relationships, i never think they do it right. and YES i am aware that alice oseman is queer/gender-queer but she is a femme-presenting/woman-aligned person who is also aroace. she has never lived that experience and i do not think that her telling of that experience is accurate. i think it’s extremely cishet-washed and honestly i feel like it’s pandering to straight people and people who are newly out, if that makes any sense. i personally feel that they’re story lacks nuance. it embodies the worst aspects of ya fiction.

firstly, my main issue i have is with charlie and how he is depicted as a queer man. i find issue with the way he is depicted; timid, awkward, clumsy, and in need of saving. i HATE that fucking trope. i hate that everyone’s idea of a gay couple is of this femboy, who was probably abused or bullied, being saved/rescued/“really-loved” by a larger, more masculine, jock.

i have personally gone through many of charlie’s experiences. i was r@ped/sa’d as a young person, i have struggled with anorexia, and i have and still do struggle with self-harm/cvtting. i have also stayed in a mental health facility! sounds familiar, right? that’s because all of that shit also happened to charlie spring. but we don’t get to see any of his healing process. we don’t see him in therapy. we don’t see his time in the hospital. all we see is how it affects nick and how nick gives him the strength to recover. blah blah blah gag me with a spoon.

anyways, having said all of this. i have read the entire updated comics, and i have seen the show. i plan on reading the final installment of the comics and watching the remainder of the series. i do think queer people need and fucking deserve more representation and more media depicting our normal domestic lives. there are so many shitty straight shows that are just pure fluff and entertainment and queer people fucking deserve that.

i also am extremely interested to see if/how alice incorporates darcy‘s actor kizzy edgall’s transmasculinity into darcy’s character. i would have a totally new respect for her to ACTUALLY WRITE a complicated subplot that is nuanced and depicts how queer people’s labels change and how their understanding of their gender and queerness grow with them. how does tara react? does she amicably break up with darcy to respect their identity? or does she come to the conclusion that, “fuck it. i love darcy. who cares if we aren’t technically in a lesbian/sapphic relationship. i am still valid.” THAT WOULD FUCKING ROCK

anyways best character is elle. hehehehehe.

sincerely,

an openly queer, semi-closeted transfeminine person. *equips sunglasses*

[strawbellyx3]

Hi, I’m a girl and I love apothecary diaries and many aspects tick what I like. But unfortunately I find a very huge obstacle in my way, which is why this is a huge rant with lots of words. The obstacle being the setting women in. Does it get better in the novels and manga? I find myself more relaxed when the subjects aren’t in the setting including forced sex workers, hostage concubines, the constant reminder that women are beyond powerless and how it’s all in a rom-com setting as well. Iam able to watch typically triggering stuff without being triggered when the story very clearly indicates we see it as a bad thing. Like law and order SVU, the handmaiden tale and so on. But in this story it’s like a slice-of-life mixed with a setting we’re all women are limited awful fates by the system.

I’ve even seen redditors say they love how even though misogyny is so rampart in the world building, it’s accepted by the characters and there aren’t any man-hating women there. Like they all accept their place as women in that society without rebellion and move on with their jokes and story. Some even saying they loved how maomao put the biggest blame on her mother when that origin situation with her dad occurred, that they hold women accountable in a setting that gives and I quote “awful bunch of sandwiches to choose from”

It’s really upsetting to me because while I could tell the complex female characters were written by a woman before knowing who the author was, I’m overthinking her going about this things.

It’s goes female character A is a woman in one the multiple bad situations they are forced to be put up with > she is attractive and voluptuous or/ and smiling and appropriately submissive to the situation (doesn’t dare to object it, or tries to finess it in a way appropriate for the system)> a mini monalog from Maomao/or the character herself about this is it to navigate this life as a woman there > a light-hearted joke the next minute and so on (I’ve seen the theme with princess fuyo, maomaos mother, the emperors fav consort and so on) it almost works to normalize it and I feel like male viewers find it comforting in that sense. a lot of the male fanbase mentions this being the favorite part of the story, the repressive regime that women have to navigate without making them uncomfortabl.

To the extent where some confidently say this shows target audience is men. That’s it’s set in an unfair world for women but they are sort of submissive about it and it has the fanservice to keep them intrigued

Do you see what I’m getting at? I’m not saying why aren’t the female characters miserable 24/7. The difference between this piece of media compared to others that have female characters in this setting is that it almost works to normalize it, while the others have a clear indicator that it is wrong, it clearly displays the darkness and unsettling environment the women are facing, it’s why a lot of men don’t venture into those pieces of media, because it makes them uncomfortable. While TAD is the total opposite, it has all the same elements of the oppressed women setting, but the oppressed women never dare display a hint of resentment towards men, They can never show a strong resentment to the system. They are appropriately over-proportioned female characters submissive to the system and the submissively try to navigate the system while smiling and acceptance and a hint of fanservice.

I am ranting because I’ve seen multiple blogs say how the shows is for the girls and true maomao is one the utter best female characters ever written, but the setting dims anytime she shines a light :(

I agree with what you're saying and no it doesn't really get better in a general sense. It's just a series that doesn't focus on that (even though it could totally do that because of this setting), it's more being historically accurate to how hard it was to be a woman at the time. It's also a seinen, so targeted towards men so I'm not really surprised.

I think people say it's for the girlies because of how it reflects modern problems in itself and well – Maomao. She's a strong woman who doesn't need a man and is an independent capable woman. When it comes to great worldbuilding, TAD isn't exactly my go-to choice because the series is pretty narrow in what it wants to tell; mystery stories. There's of course inconvenient things shown like women not being allowed to be doctors (and the characters finding a solutions to bypass it) but the characters aren't driven by feminist motivations. The narrative just lets us see and digest the oppression and wrongdoings ourselves (Like the 9 years old getting r*ped, which is intentionally framed as bad, no question) or Ah-Duo who always feeling trapped by the Emperor who can't let her go because of his one sided love.

I'm a bit 50/50 on it, I don't hate that it doesn't focus on feminist messages but I also wonder how it would be if it did it a tad bit more.

[ladyhindsight]

... did you say biphobia and slut-shaming? Because here you get biphobia and slut-shaming.

Beati Bellicosi, blessed are the warriors. Blessed is my patience with this book.

The party at the Ironworks has begun. Clary, Simon, Isabelle, Maia, Jordan, Magnus, and Alec are all in attendance. Isabelle wasn’t invited, she just tagged along. I don’t know what Magnus and Alec are doing there (Alec is probably Magnus’ plus one?).

You can incorporate this information without breaking the sentence.

→ Werewolf waiters/Waiters, who were also werewolves, moved among the guests, handing out champagne flutes. Simon declined one. The whole event seemed to be staffed by members of Luke’s pack.

Commas before “who” because the relative clause provides additional information that is not essential to know what is happening.

I previously talked about how incessant Jordan becomes when it comes to Maia. It is obnoxious and relentless how he forces his thoughts about her and constantly calls upon the time they dated. Maia has not welcomed his presence yet. We have not gotten any of Maia’s thoughts, how she is dealing with having Jordan around again, how she doesn’t even know the truth about Jordan’s circumstance. Jordan goggling at Maia is intrusive and annoying and disrespectful.

Alec continues to have his arms crossed. He has not uncrossed them since the scene in the Sanctuary.

Staring ferociously → glaring

One thing that constantly happens in this book is characters telling the same information again and again, just from different perspectives. Here Clary is once again described, though we know what she is wearing.

→ She came around the table to greet Simon. She was wearing...

→ I think the writing has made a point over how Clary does not wear heels. I don’t think she has worn heels at all in the series, so pointing this out gives the impression that she has a habit of wearing heels to look taller, and now that she isn’t, she looks noticeably tiny in her natural height. It is also the same as saying Clary looks like she always does: tiny.

Why is Magnus’ finger white again?

I can’t deal with this. Find another way to describe someone’s expressions without even mentioning their eyes or the eye color.

Considering how this will turn out romantic later, I supposed Jordan’s feelings and worry over is supposed to be regarded as favorable.

No, it’s just stalking.

Alec is being a little brat, and Magnus acts like there is absolutely nothing he could possibly do to alleviate Alec’s mood.

...Aaaabsolutely nothing. Withholding information about your life really creates a feeling like they know each other and trust each other, doesn’t it?

Let’s go back to my favorite quote from The Red Scrolls of Magic:

Leon glanced around, then said rapidly, “I mean, we’re both bisexual. Interested in men and women.”

“Oh,” said Alec. “I don’t know a lot about that, but again, good for you.”

Alec knew Magnus was the same way. He had begun to learn that there was a whole world he had been entirely cut off from, words like ‘bisexual’ and ‘pansexual’ he’d never really known.

[…] In the dark small corners of his soul, Alec worried sometimes. Why would Magnus choose him if he could choose a girl, a woman, an easier life? He thought of how terrified he’d been once of how he would be judged.

Clare doesn’t seem to get that phrasing things in a certain way may have offensive implications. Whether they are intended or not, they are still there.  I think Clare even thought about this scene on any deeper level than some lovers’ spat to spur up relationship drama, which in itself is half-witted because Magnus and Alec aren’t given enough room to spit the drama out. No matter how you slice and dice this, it doesn’t paint Alec in a good regarding these biphobic remarks. I’ve said before (rephrased a bit) that it’s pretty obvious that Alec is immature, deeply insecure, but straightforward, which is the reason any of his juvenile jealousy and his insecurity see the light of day at all. He’s also fucking stupid, but that’s another subject entirely. I don’t think it had gone unnoticed by anyone that everything Alec was at that point took great effect on his relationship with Magnus, adding to the fact that Magnus is reluctant to share anything. With all that in mind, it’s easy to point the cause of Alec lashing out.

Because of that, I don’t think that Alec himself is biphobic. The comment totally is. There’s little else in can be interpreted as, but I don’t think it comes from the place of biphobia. I don’t think Magnus’ sexuality was ever the problem (also Clare’s retconning tries to spin it this way rather than any other though none of it fits). Alec is not biphobic before nor is he afterwards, which is why I see the problem more as one concerning slut-shaming more than anything. The issue Alec has, of course, is Magnus’ multiple past relationships, and his nasty comments are directed more toward that. 

Because in the end, characters can say the most outrageously dumb stuff, but it is the consciousness behind the writing that matters in that case. And there is none with this issue. No matter where you consider Alec’s comments laying, there is still the fact that their issues weren’t given enough time or space to be handled properly. No skill nor interest from the author’s part either, and nor was the intricacy of the circumstance taken well into account. No wonder, having read this book again, I really, truly comprehend how Clare has zero capacity for that. 

From the storytelling aspect, there’s also the fact that any drama that could be resolved if the characters just would talk is effing idiotic and frustrating. For Magnus there isn’t any concrete reason not to talk about his past, only that the past doesn’t matter. I’m taking he greatest offence for the fact that the execution is overall terrible and thoughtless, and there were these actual issues that needed time and consideration but were sidelined in favour of Clary and Jace dry-humping each other against whatever surface available.

Anyway, let’s continue. Simon and Clary talk after this awkward affair.

Did you know that Simon is a vampire and that we, as readers, need constant reminders of things that relate to him being a vampire?

→ His unbeating heart contracted, and he wondered...

Clary sees Jace and leaves after him, and Maia comes to talk to Simon. Simon spills the beans about Jordan.

At its core, the issue is dishonesty.

Sometimes I wonder in retrospect what the hell did I mean when I took these long excerpts, but this is just unfair to dump this all on Maia at once and pretend it’s a favor.

→ Simon was never a boyfriend, they weren’t dating dating.

Clary has followed Jace to a terrace and they talk.

Not once has anyone done anything for Simon for being Simon have they. Even this Clary gets to spin around to be about her.

How exactly one acts like a Lightwood?

The amount of stuff these characters spend time remembering in this book. This paragraph also pauses unnecessarily many times.

→ She had the open-eye rune now on the back of her hand, the one he’d...

Jace then kidnaps Clary and we return back to the Awkward Table of probably uninvited guests.

It is not. At all. And that you are willing to tell?

Alec tells Magnus he heard the conversation Magnus had with Camille.

→ You should say Will was your friend, like he was, instead of this vague bullshit about the relationships being different.

→ The whole exchange that continue here is incoherent. Alec asks Magnus random things and Magnus barely answers Alec’s questions straightforwardly. Then they get interrupted by Isabelle who does that a lot in this book.

Reassuring. Not.

Simon is standing outside the Ironworks and is greeted by Maureen. Simon is shocked to see Maureen has become a vampire. She has come as a messenger and leads Simon away to closer to the long-awaited climactic point of this story.

[onlyswan]

ARTTT HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! we already starting it off with a bang with that new drabble! You are literally iconic and your words have struck such a deep cord in me i think they’ll always be ingrained in the essence of who i am for years to come. seriously sometimes i’m just going about my day and something happens and before i react i think back to something you said in your works and i think it’s beautiful how i’m learning and growing through reading the things you’ve written. idk i just think writing is kind of a love language on it own and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart❤️❤️

our in which couple is literally the epitome of romance to me. it lowkey makes me sad when i look around at people’s perspectives of relationships today and see how it all just feels lackluster in comparison to them 😭 like seriously what happened to romance these days it’s not romancing like it should n oc n jk just quell my anxieties about having a beautiful relationship in the future. they’re really my hope. which brings me to one of my two questions. when writing them as individuals and together are there any pieces of yourself and your experiences that you give to them. i know jungkook is your muse for writing his character and honestly that man is everything one could want n more in a muse what a beautiful beautiful soul my heart aches thinking about him and it aches more with the character you’ve created (men written by women are 🥹🥹) but with oc they’re just so… so… so… painstakingly ethereal and unique and their essence alone and thoughts and habits and just everything is so wonderful and i just love them and i can’t imagine you’ve created that sort of person from nothing. there must be some things you’ve taken from yourself to add to them and whenever i read i cant help but to imagine that there are glimpses of you also in these drabbles.

question two, would you ever write a drabble of their first time together? being physically intimate that is… i know you said before you don’t write smut and i understand n that’s not really what i’m asking. i just think with your way with words and how you describe the intimacy between them that’s it’d be heart swelling to read about what that step in their relationship was like. did jk plan out how he’d go about it, was it a romantic night on the town or did he set up something special for them indoors, the nerves and butterflies, was there wine tasting and silly little tipsy giggles that lead to not so innocent touches, the barring of their souls and bodies to each other in a new way, oc realizing just how different it all is compared to their past experiences. the act of what it truly means to ‘make love’ with someone not just have s*x because of lustful feelings.

okay that’s it!! thank you so much for reading if you do! i hope this year is a beautiful one for you and everyone who happens upon or frequents your page ❤️❤️❤️ ~🦢

my sweetest swan anonie 🥰 wishing you the happiest new year !!!!! you always know the right words to say that will make me cry :"( i’ve always hoped even a little piece of any of my writing could stay with those who read them just like how many authors did for me. thank you so much for making that dream come true 🥹🥹🥹 you have a very special place in my heart!

seriously what happened to romance these days it’s not romancing like it should lmaoooo this sums up my disappointment with almost every romance and almost romance i’ve had for the past few years 😭 the shit people get away with are so… please never let anyone treat you horribly and make you believe that you aren’t valued !!!! 😡

hehe of course my experiences also come into play at times, but tbh that was mostly at the beginning of the iw!series. as time went on jk and oc’s love story and them as individuals evolved on their own in my brain and it became out of my hands. they write themselves atp 🤷🏻‍♀️ most especially oc !! my goodness. of course i love love love and adore jungkook 🥺 the bestest muse ever 🥺 but oc has definitely become a character i have sooooo much respect and fondness for. oc exists with fragments of myself, but also oc is a person that i really, really aspire to be. so thank you so much for loving them 😭🫶🏼 it truuuuly means the world

oh yeah and their first time together… i’ve been outlining something since y’all want it so bad haha it might turn out to be one of my favs if it ends up the way i’m planning it to be 🫣 i don’t know when it’s coming since uni is already starting again for me next week but sooooon! definitely… lots of butterflies in this one 🥹🦋

i always read an ask a couple of times before answering so of course i did :P i love youuuu and i adore you and your mind and your heart 💞💞💞 please spend your days happily and healthily!

[warblingandwriting]

So this is kind of a weird series, I think, and this is more a of a ramble than a proper review. Out of the gate I’ll say I didn’t like it, but it had some ideas I liked, and I would love to see a remake written and directed by women that makes the queer subtext explicit, and deals more explicitly with women's issues by people who actually cared about the original story. Instead I feel like this series was far more interested in trying to modernize the story, in particular by making the female characters (especially Miranda) ‘strong’ in an entirely modern and literal sense. Anyway, spoilers ahead, although I will say I don’t think spoilers matter much for this series or the book. The series isn’t good enough to recommend, and there aren’t really big twists in the book that I think would be ruined by knowing certain plot points, just a fair warning if you truly like to go in blind, as I do actually really recommend the book.

Making Miranda into a "tomboy" stock character, and Irma into a typical "Rich girl" stereotype is not a replacement for adding depth. I actually don’t mind Marion’s characterization since she barely gets anything to do in the original film or book, but overall I still dislike the dialogue writing in particular. I can understand perhaps feeling like the Peter Weir movie makes the three disappeared girls lack some characterization as they're not on screen for all that long, but to feel the need to add these stereotypical affects as if they weren't fleshed out characters in the book is a bit painful for me to watch. I think, too, in doing this the series tries to comment on the ideas the book explores of the sort of idealization and veneration of these girls after their disappearance, by making their set somewhat rebellious, so that there’s a disconnect between their idealization and the reality? But I think the book does this much better by drawing the reader into that same idealization, and maybe make you not even realize you’re doing it until the end. The book functions as almost an interesting criticism of true crime, but this film doesn’t do the same, which is kind of unfortunate in an age when that genre has become so saturated.

And why does Mrs. Appleyard need a dramatic backstory? This was admittedly my least favourite part of the series. In the book (and by extension the Weir film), she is a traditional character, with somewhat mysterious origins, holding up the institutions of repressive patriarchy for England in a relatively recently colonized land. This series really took the book’s line about no one really knowing if Mrs. Appleyard had the credentials to run a school, she just looked good enough for the parents, and ran with it. Yet I still have no idea what her deal is. I guess she worked as prostitute and thief, but eventually killed the man she worked with and fled to Australia, and her strictness is just a reflection of her not wanting the girls under her care to end up like she did. However, I think this actually takes out a lot of the depth of patriarchal control from the book as opposed to enhancing it (which was, I think, the intent). Instead of this control of young women being institutional, casual, and easily reproduced by everyone, including the women around them, it now becomes a cycle set off by ‘bad men’, something unnatural, something that (as we see from pretty much every woman in the story) women won’t adhere to unless somehow forced. I suppose that’s true, in a way, but when every woman we see upholding gender roles and patriarchal structures in any way has been abused it sort denies the existence of casual internalized misogyny and the way these women were shaped by the culture they grew up in. It has a very sort of “as long you’re aware these things exist at all, you could never participate in them” energy that doesn’t ask anyone to examine their own biases, and why they might feel a certain way about a certain thing. I do appreciate the choice of this series to simply confirm that it was Mrs. Appleyard who killed Sarah Waybourne though (something that is ambiguously implied in the book, but practically outright denied in the Weir film), it is the one representation of that internalized desperation to ally oneself with the patriarchal ideal of female perfection that the series keeps, and it works (although I do think it would work better if Mrs. Appleyard in this version wasn’t already a hardened criminal who had killed before).

That’s not to say every piece of media has to engage with sexism in the exact same way, but I felt like the way this series did it lost a lot of the book’s depth. I don’t have much to say about the queer aspect, because I don’t hate it, and no one seems to ever actually find out about the relationships that happen so they don’t really deal with any ramifications for it. I’ll just say I think it was not done great, especially Irma being jealous/upset that Miranda is not interested in her in that way. I think I would have preferred a relationship between two of the three disappeared girls as opposed to the one they went with. I get what they were trying to do with the tension between someone who just wants to cover everything up and someone who wants to actually engage in a relationship (to the extent that that would be possible), but I think that could have been done just as well with any of the three lead girls, really, together. And it would have allowed Miss McCraw to keep her place in the story as the sort of necessary fate of brilliant women. As smart and accomplished as she is, working at a girl’s school is genuinely the apex of career possibility for her, again providing subtle and biting critique of women’s perceived abilities. Now that she is sort of at the girl’s school in exile she no longer gets to fill that role.

The series didn’t seem to allow itself to be about different types of women, trapped by different situations, in the strange liminal space of repressive English society in conflict with the ‘Wild New World’ (for the white main charterers of the book, anyway) of Australia. While that exists in this series, as I have outlined, the form of repression has been boiled down to be very similar from character to character which to me, flattens the story in spite of everything that was added for the series.

The additions seem to me to make it obvious that this is more of a reaction to the original movie than it is to the book, which is always disappointing in a remake where there is additional source material. It's even more annoying when there are some book-exclusive details that make it obvious the book was read by someone. I admit I like the Weir film, I think it is better than this series, but I can at least understand the impulse to see that, due to the nature of film, we lose a bit when we lose Lindsay’s third-person narration allowing us to understand the characters better, and want to restore that depth. But I think this series went about it in the wrong way. Although they came out in the same year, (and therefore probably weren’t influenced by each other) it seems to go for the The Haunting of Hill House netflix formula, and as someone who also wasn’t a fan of that series, it just doesn’t work for me. It’s not helped by the fact that every time book accurate dialog actually shows up it feels out of place, and often out of character with all the new additions that make up the majority of the story.

I think the book actually captures very well the repression that existed as a woman (or afab person) both in the time it was written, and now. Even after their disappearance the girls are scrutinized and obsessed over, almost like a cruel joke that even in places unknown they aren’t truly free from a world that venerated and caged them. I actually really like Lindsay’s unpublished ending, and it’s one of the things I kind of like the series for sticking with. The girls find a sort of ‘time-warp’ and go into it, to places unknown, and, one might hope, to a sort of freedom.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Sonic Theory: Eggman Is Likely To Be Chased By Single Moms & Other Women Now...(Because Of Sage)

[Note: Don’t Reblog Without Permission] 

you know how after Jaune Arc from the RWBY series, got that hair cut...

and he suddenly became REALLY popular with some ladies...

yeah, picture that but with Eggman, but instead of a hair cut, it is him being a good dad and a big soft sweetie omelette to his daughter Sage.

like picture Eggman is just minding his own business, when Sage comes into the room and tells him that there is a strange lady outside wanting to give them a pie, and then there ends up being more of them, and it is like a very VERY long line of women who want to try to win him over with sweet and other types of food.

and Eggman, possibly having no idea whats going on and is really confused.

I am still gonna view the Sonic Boom version of Eggman, as a Egg-Himbo.

(well besides Sonic Boom version of him being a Egg-Himbo, I also view Doctor Deep from Sonic Prime, as a Egg-Himbo as well...and yeah, I get it’s weird for me to have a small crush on Doctor Deep......it’s not even that big of a crush.)

even Bowser got some points, because he is a good dad to Bowser Jr.

so Eggman gets some points as well, and it could be possible that in the universe he lives in, a LOT of women who are possibly some single Moms and some who aren’t even Moms at all, could end up learning about Eggman’s soft side and him being a good father to Sage, despite being a “bad guy”....

Eggman might want to run for his life, or like ask Sonic on how to handle the situation, I mean once he figures it out.

plus it might not just be women who would end up chasing after him, we do know that Agent Stone does seem to have a crush on his world’s Robotnik.

which does seem to be hinted in the second movie....

so even if it isn’t really shown, but it is gonna be my Fan Headcanon...

I think Eggman would end up getting a LOT of admires in the universe he lives in, and all thanks to Sage being born.

Sage must be protected, any who dare tries bring harm upon her head, shall know the fury of those who wish to protect her.

in theory, Eggman could probably make her a body, by making it to look like her A.I. body, but maybe make into a type of bio-synthetic.

like being a mix of synthetic and organic.

and it could be possible that him being a sweet and loving father to Sage, could end up being seen as very attractive.

which he might not even know about, because he is too busy trying to beat Sonic or trying to make his Eggman Empire.

like he could be in the middle of fighting Sonic and Sonic’s friends,

when all of a sudden Sage comes over and is right next to Eggman now,

and tells him this...

“Father, another woman has come over with a apple pie....should I send her away, and tell her to come back later because you are busy trying to destroy your enemies...?”

Sonic or one of his friends, could question about this, to which Eggman would be all like “I have no idea why so many women keep coming over and try to give me food.”

Amy Rose and Rouge, as well as maybe Vanilla, would be able to figure out why those women keep bringing over food to him....

like that saying “the way to win a man’s heart is through is stomach.”

which might not be the case for all men, but food is good if it’s made with love.

and it be funny if Eggman becomes really confused as to why he keeps getting pie and other food from some strange ladies.

he sure is a “heartbreaker” ain’t he...?

if Eggman from Sonic Boom, ended up making Sage as well, and giving Mombot a Granddaughter and giving Morpho a adorable little niece...

he would probably end up in the same situation as the other Eggman.

Sticks would probably think Eggman has brainwashed all the single moms into giving him food, cause he doesn’t feel like cooking.

but then Sticks could figure out the real reason, when she sees how he interacts with Sage....

and Sticks would then probably say that it is part of the courtship ritual, because after some ladies found out about Eggman being a big softie and sweet heart, and how much he loves and cares for his daughter...

that is when the food gifts start to happen....

so basically, Sticks would be right about the courtship ritual...

and as strange as it is, so far I only know about that kind of thing happening in shows and movies, don’t think they happen in real life though.

it would still be kind of funny if some women did go to Eggman’s home base with some food, like trying to win his heart. XD

this is one of my weird thoughts, and even if it might not happen in the canon.

well it could in the fanon, and Eggman being confused as to why women and possibly some men, are acting strange around him, and being strangely nice...

could be very interesting, and I kind of hope it does become canon.

but the possibility of that is really small, so it might only stay in the fanon.

I don’t think Agent Stone would allow any woman or man to try to use that type of courtship ritual that involves food, to win over his Eggman....

well technically it isn’t his Eggman, but another version of him...

and who knows if there will be video game counterparts of Agent Stone and Sonic’s Adoptive Family from the live-action movies.

I like Tom and Maddie being Sonic’s Adoptive Parents, even if they are both humans, family is family, and I fam it.

Eggman being a good dad and Sage coming into his life, and him becoming wrapped around her finger and it being like that song “All American Girl” by Carrie Underwood.

and even if Sage was a small baby in a little pink blanket, Eggman’s dreams would still be a little changed, and he would still end up being wrapped around her finger and be the center of his whole world. XD

it would still be kind of funny if it did turn out some ladies kept coming over to his base to give him food, after learning about how he is a big softie when it comes to his daughter Sage.

but yeah, this is just a theory and not everyone has to agree to it.

but in theory, he could end up being chased by some single moms and other women because of him showing such a sweet side to himself and it involving his new daughter who is the center of his world.

it could still be possible, as much as a genius that he is....

he might not really figure out the reason why so many women are being nice to him and that they keep giving him food.

at least not until much later, maybe when someone tells him why some ladies keep coming over to his base and giving him food.

it be interesting if he ends up flustered by this bit of news, once he learns and knows why it keeps happening, and all because some people find him attractive. I mean he does show a soft side in that new video game that Sage first appears in, some people are gonna find that adorable and sweet.

so of course in theory, he might end up attracting some women in the universe he lives in, that might want to end up dating him, and don’t care about the whole him being a villain.

I think that would end up confusing Sonic as well.

it would still be funny to see how Eggman and Sonic would react to it. XD