#we love manly men

[francixoxoxo]

Modern!Billy would 1000% listen to Tom Petty and Bruce Springsteen, you can’t change my mind

He’s absolutely putting on his Petty record, skipping to Mary Jane’s Last Dance and singing it in the most dramatic voice he can muster, and you’re laughing at him, which was exactly his goal. If you’re doing something, I’m picturing you’re standing at the kitchen counter, bookmarking pages in a new cookbook, and you hear that damn record come on. You look over your shoulder at the first guitar riffs and you see Billy dancing up to you, grinning like anything, “She grew up in an Indiana town, had a good lookin’ mom, who ne’er was around!”

You can’t help laughing at him, but he doesn’t mind. He steals you away from the counter, it’s not a slow dance, certainly not to the harmonicas and guitars of Tom Petty, but it as dance all the same. “Oh my my, oh hell yes! Honey, put on that party dress!” Who are you to deny Billy a dance? You let his hands come to your waist, even singing along with him, to his absolute delight. He’d absolutely whistle that iconic harmonica line of Mary Jane’s Last Dance while he works, while he’s walking around, all the time, same thing with humming under his breath, “Into the great wide open, under them skies of blue..”

In his truck, he’d totally have a collection of Springsteen CD’s. The truck’s pretty old and pretty crappy, so there’s no aux, just a cd slot. “I don’t mind, baby. S’ hell of a lot cooler than a phone.” Billy would tell you, grinning boyishly as he pushes the manual shift into drive (btw this guy totally swears by driving stick shift and probably is appalled that you don’t know how bc literally who does). His favorite is absolutely Dancing in the Dark, and the moment the song comes on that man is belting. The more embarrassed you are and the harder you laugh at him the more he leans over the console, singing the lyrics with even more pride. “Ya can’t start a fire without a spark! This guns for hire, even if we’re just dancin’ in the dark!” His hand on your knee you absolutely shake your leg a little, ‘cause he knows you think he’s corny. He knows that you think it’s funny that he listens to the music your dad listens to.

But he also knows that you think he’s never been hotter, practically shouting more than singing, his brow and neck sweating a bit from the hot New Mexico summer in a pickup truck without any AC besides the wind blowing past. With his left arm hanging over the rolled down window, driving with one hand on the bottom of the wheel, the defined muscles in his arms shown off by his navy, sleeveless shirt. Those eyes peering at you now and then, those stupidly plush lips pulling over his teeth to laugh at you, tell you that you’re staring. So what if you are? Billy’s yours to stare at— and laugh at.

Might have written this bc I whipped out the Tom Petty record last night when I lost my phone

[rejectedfables]

So the villain is a girldad. Who cooks?

Do they eat out every night? Get takeout or delivery Do they eat from his favorite restaurant or hers?

Does he hire a chef?

Does she cook for him?

Or does he roll up his sleeves and pick up his knife and learn to peel potatoes?

Long paper-thin swirls of vegetable skin Trash or compost? Do they plant a garden?

Did he already know how to cook? Or does he learn badly slowly starting with the easy recipes to keep a hungry girl fed Or does he buy cookbooks and oven mitts and fresh produce? Does he learn to bake?

[caniddteeth]

i desperately need more yancy content please please please pl

[a-a-a-anon]

if i had a nickel for every time a male british comedian i like said that on a childhood birthday a patriarch in their family said they were too old to hug and kiss them bc it's girly/gay i would have two nickels???? which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice....

(ade edmondson:)

(jon richardson:)

I went to kiss my granddad once-I would have only been about 7 or 8, but I'd had clearly what my grandad viewed as a landmark birthday. I went to say goodbye, and I kissed my Nana Gwen and went to kiss my Grandad Ron, and Grandad Ron said, "You're a man now. You don't kiss other men anymore." (- meet the richardsons 2.08)

[karinyosa]

one realization i’ve had is that a lot of the models for masculinity and/or manhood that i kind of gravitated to when i was younger were not the most typically masculine. it’s weird having things in common with other transmascs but also very clearly going for different things. like i feel a kinship with you but sometimes i think we’re not quite the same. also been a reminder of like what kid me was actually going for when i dressed and acted The Way i Did in middle school

[somewhatgayerthanistypicalfurina]

Tbh the way people on this website(/presumably other websites too but this is the one on which I see strangers opinions most often) talk about twinks soooooo derogatorily really Does make me super uncomfortable. It feels really homophobic in a way I haven't been able to nail down precisely

But just like. Always using twink as a derogatory thing and undesirable both to be or to want. Not really outright saying twinks aren't real men but IMPLYING it through comparisons to Real Men that are Big and Strong And Hairy. Like okay? You want big muscle men? You and every mainstream media in existence...? Why are people pretending that hating twinks is subversive. Why are people pretending that twinks are widely seen as the best sort of man.

And like it's EXPECTED for men to be able to grow lots of body hair and to get lots of muscle and be thick and sturdy and strong. And men are shamed for not being hairy enough and they are shamed for being twiggy and WHY are you doing it MORE but using gay words. Saying bears are sooooooo great but twinks are sooooo icky doesn't magically make you Not body shaming a group of people for Exactly The Reasons They Are Already Bodyshamed

Idk. Bwah. This isn't even me being firsthand butthurt bc I don't actually think I would be seen as a twink? But I am so tired of feeling like a fake gay and looked down on for not really being very into the typical male beauty standards

[punk-pins]

i hope every man in my workplace kills himself when taylor swift wins the super bowl

[tiredtriedfailures]

masculinity and femininity are roleplay and sometimes foreplay its not your person its not who you are what you did and what you will do its not your fate its not your cage its the funny voice you put on to imitate a tv character its cosplay its facepaint, not like a makeup of a bride but like a clown getting ready for performance.

[kannra21]

Never trust Instagram pics there are filters that can make u look like a total bimbo lol anyways the filter is called "Tiger" by sasha_soul_art, try it out 🤗

[vampirebiter]

right now, the job i have is probably the easiest job ive had so far but i can sense on the horizon theyre going to start wanting me to start doing more shit

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Imagine doing so much hard work and persevering through law school to have your failed tests advertised on the internet news. The bar is really hard; he’s not “cringe fail.” I am jealous of his ability to even attend college without committing suicide. He did a good job. Leave my dude the fuck alone.

I don’t care if they’re elites. If they’re elites; then make fun of them solely for being rich nepotism babies. There are non-elites who have failed the bar (or any important test) once or twice as well who will see this and feel bad about themselves.

[hylemorph]

Spoilers: Eggers' Nosferatu

There's a lot of debate right now on if Count Orlok represents Ellen's shame/trauma/abuse, or if he represents her repressed erotic desires, and in turn there's debate on whether or not viewers who find the Ellen/Orlok dynamic alluring are "missing the point." Eggers and Lily-Rose Depp have both said in interviews that there's a mutual pull between Ellen and Orlok, and even that there's a love triangle element, but obviously the experience is terrifying for Ellen. How can we reconcile the sexual tension and the horror?

I think the broader theme is that Orlok represents everything in a woman's inner world that men refuse to acknowledge and accept - fear and shame and trauma, yes, but also our appetites . After the prologue, the story starts with Ellen begging Thomas to stay in bed with her; she says "the honeymoon was yet too short" and tries to pull him in and kiss him (obviously trying to start some nuptial bliss). But Thomas is anxious to meet with his boss and get his promotion, because he has a narrative he's going to fulfill: he's going to pay Friedrich back, buy a house, and then start having kids (he and Friedrich touch on this a bit later. Notably, Friedrich discloses Anna's pregnancy to Thomas before Anna has made it public.)

It's the start of Ellen and Thomas' married life and she just wants him to prioritize her sexual desire, but he chooses to focus on his ideal of success, which sets him on this path to confronting Orlok. We know Ellen doesn't care about having a house or fine things and she begs him not to go, but Thomas listens to Herr Knock and Friedrich, who tell him that as a husband he has to provide materially. He ignores Ellen's stated desires, and so fails to provide sexually and emotionally. When Thomas gaslights her about her nightmares and calls them childish fancies, he shuts down her vulnerability, which kills the intimacy she was enjoying in the literal honeymoon phase.

On a related note, there's a defence in here for Aaron Taylor Johnson's performance, which I've seen a few male critics call "over acting." In this story Friedrich represents the masculine ideal of the time, he's a rich business owner with a beautiful wife and kids. Thomas clearly looks up to him and wants to emulate him - he wants to give Ellen the life "she deserves." But Friedrich's elevated masculine status is why he refuses to listen to Ellen's "hysterical, sentimental" worries, he's too rational for all that of course. And his stubborn "rationality" leads to the death of his entire family. Friedrich IS the patriarchal ideal that crumbles when confronted with nuance and uncertainty. Some people see Friedrich and assume that a character like him is meant to come across as dignified, and that Aaron Taylor Johnson is messing up by making him look annoying, but really he is giving a great portrayal of a really common, annoying kind of guy. The kind of guy who melts down and has childish tantrums whenever they lose control of a situation, or their manly skills and values are shown to be irrelevant.

The men in the movie (excluding Professor von Franz) frame Ellen as childish for speaking about her dreams candidly, but their own childishness is revealed when her dreams manifest in the form of Orlok and become unavoidable. Ellen (partially? possessed in the moment by Orlok) tells Thomas how "foolish and like a child" he was in Orlok's castle. In the literal context that's cruel, and obviously that shit was scary as hell, but it hits on Thomas' failure in the metaphorical reading. He was a child playing house: 'I'll be the husband and make money, you be the wife and make babies.' When it came time to confront his wife's inner world and all the scary, traumatized, lustful complexity of it, he was completely inept. The message isn't that Orlok is what Ellen really needs, or that Thomas is a wimp, but he's not a perfect husband either. I think "the point" is that a real healthy marriage with sexual, emotional, and spiritual mutuality is impossible in that society with Thomas/Friedrich's ideals. In that kind of society, a spiritually and sexually potent woman like Ellen ("in heathen times you might have been a Priestess of Isis") will always be caught in a "love triangle" with her husband and her own inner world.

[thymechaos]

i just can't believe that oda fucking create sanji, a stereotypical ladies man who simps to an embarrassing degree for women while having his hackles comically raised around everyone he perceives as a man - and most notably butting heads with the more obvious ~manly man~ of the crew. haha, classic anime running gag, the kind that gets obnoxious at times but still makes you laugh.

AND THEN, like a billion chapters later, motherfucker steeples his fingers and goes "soooooooo... what makes a person Like That?"

and the answer is that he grew up in fucking Toxic Masculinity, The Kingdom. the answer is that he was always Different, in a way other guys instinctively perceived as weak, and that made him the target of visceral scorn and violence. the answer is that he was sensitive, sweet, caring, nurturing - feminine-coded traits which are only valued by patriarchy insofar that they're performed by women in service of men. the answer is that in a kingdom comprised almost entirely by violent men, the only ones who were ever kind to him, the only safety he ever had, were a girl and a woman.

so cooking is for women and servants, it makes you less of a man. only women will ever really value you for your passions and dreams. women are also actively hurt by the way the world works, they are unsafe unless they comply with men's violence, and you have to protect them.

(men will always know what you are, and they will hurt you if you let them.)

and even after he leaves... at baratie he is cherished and respected, but even that is an extremely masculine environment. we don't talk about our feelings, we don't let our guard down, the only love is tough love. when he tries to express his artistry and express himself through his cooking, rather than just filling orders and making money, he gets mocked.

so here is a man who will not raise a hand to a woman, because he rejects the masculinity he was raised with and refuses to become yet another man subjecting women to violence. he is desperate for women's attention and affection because it's SAFE, it's the only kind he can trust. other men are potential threats and must be treated as such. he must at all times be snarky, tough, Not Feminine, because to be perceived otherwise is to be powerless, to be hurt.

like y'all. the queer coding of it all? the overtly feminist themes? the active rejection of toxic masculinity and the way it's shown to be directly tied to imperialism? what the fuck.

[thestuffedalligator]

When ogres travel, they do so in human shape.

They hate doing this. They think it’s beneath them. But they do it anyway.

The Vicomte Graoul de Saucisson – and this is another thing about ogres. Ogres as a species are nobility. There is no such thing as a low-born ogre. There is always room in the ogrish peerage for another vicomte, another prince, another branch to tie to the rotted tree – strode up to the chateau in human shape. The roses in the garden shivered as he passed by. The huge, high doors opened by themselves and he walked through them without a shift in his stride.

When the doors slammed shut behind him, he moved to shrug the shape off his shoulders like a coat.

Then he saw the woman.

He froze. He stared. She stared back.

He slowly pulled the shape back on. “Who are you?” he asked.

She looked mildly appalled. “Who are you?” she asked. “What are you doing in my home?”

“Your home? This is–” He stopped. He reconsidered. “I am the Vicomte de Saucisson,” he said. “I’m looking for the Marquis de Pamplemousse. He is a… colleague of mine.”

“Oh,” she said. She could’ve looked more abashed. “I’m sorry, monsieur, he’s never mentioned you before. You must be here to share your congratulations, of course, I can fetch him right away.”

“He’s never mentioned you either,” the vicomte did not say. “Of course,” he said. “Congratulations. What about?”

She seemed surprised. “Have you not heard? Monsieur, the curse on my husband has been lifted.”

He stared. His lips started to form the words “What curse,” and then there was a sound like a horse falling down a set of stairs and a man he had never seen before wearing the marquis’s clothes came barrelling down the hall.

“Vicomte!” said the man with the marquis’s voice. “My human friend! The curse has been lifted, and I am a human once again!”

He was slightly out of breath when he reached the woman. He clasped her arm and grinned at him with manic desperation. “This is wonderful news! You must be here to share your congratulations!”

“Lie like hell,” said the man’s eyes.

The vicomte stared. “Oh!” he said. “My – human friend! Human once again! Words fail me. After all these–” (there was the slightest hesitation) “–years?”

The woman put her head at an angle and narrowed her eyes at him.

The man walked up, still grinning like a rictus chimpanzee, and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, of course! Darling, me and the vicomte are going to have a manly one-on-one conversation while he shares his congratulations, as we human men are wont to do.” And then with a strength that could only be ogrish, the marquis pulled the vicomte by the shoulder down the hall and into a drawing room.

When the bolt of the lock clicked into place behind them, the man wearing the marquis’s clothes visibly sagged.

“What the hell,” said the vicomte.

“You should’ve sent word ahead that you'd be coming today.”

“I never do.” He gesticulated and tried to conjure a single question out of the swarm buzzing in his brain. “What the hell is going on? Who was that? Why are you pretending to be human? What curse are we talking about?”

The marquis groaned and crumpled into a chair. As he did he shifted out of human shape, clothes magically tailoring themselves to contain his ogrish form, something like a moose and an orangutan.

“I had a moment of weakness.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t a stroke?”

“I got married.”

“And that’s another thing–”

“Graoul, please.” He sighed and put his face in his talons. “Last winter a merchant broke into my home. He stole one of my roses, and in exchange I asked him to send me one of his daughters to be my bride.”

The vicomte nodded. This at least was a sacred and recognizable ogrish custom, and he did like to see the old ways in practice.

“And it was fine! It was perfectly lovely. She’s a wonderful woman, but one night I decided to put on a human shape to change things up in the bedroom, and she lost her mind! Started talking about how I was clearly an enchanted prince and that her love for me must’ve broken some curse and turned me human again! I had no idea how to tell her otherwise, and now I’ve done it for too long to back out.”

The vicomte stared. “Sorry,” he said. “You decided to turn into a human to spice things up in the bedroom, and that was the face you chose?”

The marquis growled. “If I knew I was going to be wearing it for the rest of my life I would’ve gone with something better.”

[kuravix-art]

I find it so funny how Lu Guang has never expressed interest in peoples looks. Yet his best friend in the whole wide world who knows him better than anyone else is like "Lu Guang my fellow hot blooded male! We checking out hotties today? Men just can't resist beautiful women! Guys gotta appreciate hunky men! Loving beauty is manly spirit, am I right my thirsty brother-in-arms?"

[voxslays]

SECRET SANTAˋ°•*⁀➷

Featuring >>> Lucifer, Vox, Adam, Alastor, Charlie, & Valentino x reader (separately) Secret Santa Headcannons.

Lucifer

Lucifer is definitely one of the easiest on this list, because he makes the things he likes his entire personality, in both a good and really bad way! Yay! Honestly, this man will accept anything you give him, because how could he not love something from you?? He isn’t very picky. However, he would love love love anything sentimental, apple, or duck related. (Emphasis on the duck related)

Starting with something sentimental, something related to a memory—any memory with you and Lucifer (and also Charlie maybe?) he will cherish forever.

Secondly, the apple. It’s such a big part of his story and life. I mean, he absolutely loves apples, he gave the forbidden fruit (an apple) to eve, his cane is an apple, he has an apple on his hat. He is a little to obsessed with the fruit for his own good.

This one is very self explanatory. Ducks. This man absolutely adores ducks. Why? Nobody knows lol. Get him a duck squishmallow or make him your own little ‘fantastical backflipping, firebreathing’ rubber duck. Overall, he loves everything and anything you get for him.

Alastor

This man is the hardest (NOT IN THAT WAY). He is so mysterious (and also makes that his entire personality) that you literally can’t figure anything out. The only things we really learn about him in the show is that he likes radios and is a deer (and technically he likes mugs…maybe??) so good luck girlie-pop!

The only thing he will probably even appreciate is a radio. A vintage radio. One from his time period, so think 20’s-30’s. So you’d better be prepared to march up to earth and steal one (it’s for your own good, I promise. This man will ruin you).

And while yes, he will appreciate the fact that you went above and beyond for a silly little Christmas tradition, he definitely isn’t the best in expressing it…so he might seem a little ungrateful…but I swear he isn’t!

Charlie

Like her father, Charlie literally couldn’t care less what you get her. She is all sunshine and rainbows, and just so happy that everyone is participating.

Like her father, she likes cute little things, like squishmallows. Get her a unicorn one and she will break into a hysterical crying fit, crying tears of joy.

You could also make her a handmade bracelet, like with rainbows, pearls, and other cute charms, and she would be thanking you all day. Yeah, she has a major issue, but can you blame her? She has extreme daddy (and likely also mommy) issues. At heart, she is just a sweet bundle of sunshine and candies.

Speaking of candies, get her those. I headcannon she LOVE LOVE LOVES sweets and sugar. What kind, might you ask? All kinds, she literally couldn’t care less…although she does especially like jolly ranchers and other hard and fruit flavored candies. Overall, the best person to get, and the most polite.

Adam

Adam is kinda like Valentino but different. He actually has a reason for becoming the depraved misogynistic asshole he is (even if it might not be a good one).

Deep down, he just wants to be loved, so if you get him for secret Santa, just get him something nice and also masculine because yes.

Get him like a shaving kit, or 3 in 1 shampoo and conditioner or something. Take him on a date to Home Depot. Give him a gift card for Arby’s. Stuff that he considers only for the manliest of the manliest of the manly men.

Vox

He is very self explanatory. He makes tech for a living, get him something techy…right? Oh you wish it was that easy. Why get him tech when Voxtek already makes almost every gadget you could ever imagine?

Anyways, sharks. This man loves sharks. Get him a book about shark facts, he will eat it up. Fr fr. Also I feel like he’s the type to enjoy rings.

Like, he just always has atleast one ring on his finger (no he’s not married…atleast I don’t think he is….? Please god), and it’s usually never the same ring twice.

Or, if you wanna be his favorite person forever (and probably future husband/wife because he will marry if you do this) get him a shark. A literal shark.

When you and the Vees are exchanging secret santa’s and Vox asks where his, take all of them into the meeting room aquarium, where there is a new baby shark. He just stares at the glass in awe and adoration, and then takes off the ring he is currently wearing, and proposes to you. <3

Valentino

Oh to the hell no. You have gotta have the worst luck in the world if you get him. There are only two things he wants for Christmas. Your soul under contract and toys if yk what I mean….

Girlie, you gotta run away, pack your things and go! This is the only way. You gotta flee to one of the other rings, probably sloth because it’s the farthest away.

Live off the grid, change your name, and pray to the god or angels above Val doesn’t find you. But he will though because his bestie is Vox…so enjoy your freedom while it lasts.

Yeah, the Valentino part is a joke…and what about it? lol. I was giggling so hard.