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parachutingkitten · 4 years ago

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Y'all suck at dissecting Kai's character, so I guess I have to do it.

And I'm not even a Kai stan. He's a bottom tier ninja for me, which I guess means you can trust me, cuz I'm not biased, but also why am I the one doing this? I don't know about y'all, but recently on my dash, the method by which Kai fans try to make him sound good is... saying the writers hate him, ignore him, and that he isn't written well? Which... I mean there is a little bit of truth to, but like yikes guys, is this the best you got? Kai is a wonderful character with plenty of attention from the writers, a meaningful piece of the cast when put in secondary rolls, fairly consistent character writing with actual progression and valuable qualities that help the team without having to be the smart one- despite what some posts might tell you.

Let's get one thing cleared up: Ninjago isn't the best written show. By high level Hollywood standards, most the character arcs are kinda weak or too heavy handed, character consistency can be iffy, and most things serve the plot rather than the characters. There is no character you can point to and say "wow, this character is written so well! No complaints!" Nya and Jay were butchered by their weird love plot, Cole's one season doesn't actually give him an arc, Zane's been nothing but the robot numbers guy for like 10 seasons now, and Lloyd seems to be incapable of doing anything but relive the same one piece of dad angst for depth. Sorry, it's true. All the characters suck when you look at it from a large scale writing perspective. So when I say Kai is well written, I mean by ninjago kids show standards- cuz that's the scale we're working on. No, you couldn't drop Kai into a well written drama, but as far as ninjago goes... he's got a lot going for him, and by no means is he the biggest victim of poor writing.

(fair warning, wall of text below)

The title is a bit disingenuous. There are plenty of good Kai character break downs. What I am presenting here is a more positive perspective. On the whole, I will tend to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, and credit for what they do right writing is hard guys. That's what I'm doing here. I don't see much sense in getting mad the writers on behalf of Kai, or any other character. Ninjago is a simplistic ensemble show that works because of the identifiable simplicity of its main characters with some deeper layers hidden underneath if you keep watching. They've given us a damn good show with some damn enjoyable characters, so here are some criticisms I feel are a little flawed:

First, let's get the 'focus' thing out of the way. Apparently there are people saying Kai doesn't have a season yet? Which... what? I mean, I get that the pilots aren't a full season, the first two seasons, though he is the central protagonist, aren't "Kai seasons" as we've come to define ninja focus seasons, season 7, though he gets majority focus, he shares with his sister. But like... did y'all just forget about season 4? You know, the season where he had the title card, was on the box sets, got the love interest, and the majority of the A-plot? not to mention it's the best season don't @ me Like... if season 4 isn't a Kai season, I can make a damn good argument that season 3 isn't a Zane season, and I doubt anyone wants to go down that rabbit hole. I really can't wrap my head around this one. And I get that the fandom hates season 11 for some reason, but like you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. Kai has a consistent arc across 30 episodes in which he takes his powers for granted, loses them, and learns that, not only does he have value within the team without them, but that his element is intrinsically a part of him that he reclaims, bringing them back more powerful than ever, and with new respect for them. That's one of the most solid arcs in the whole series- the location is even thematically connected to his element. That's some good stuff right there! (Quick plug for season 11 if you haven't watched it in a while. Give it a rewatch, you might be pleasantly surprised)

Not to mention the writers give him fun side stuff all the time. Lots of fears of tech and water to overcome, a deep protective streak with Lloyd, becoming a chancellor, having a true potential actually relevant to the plot as a whole, blacksmith responsibilities, befriending dragons, hanging out with his dad. Not to mention actual focus stuff we haven't talked about yet, like his whole "my dad is evil" phase, and his "I might be evil" phase with him and Skylor. And on top of that, even when he doesn't have an explicit side plot, he's always just a fun and dynamic side character to make jokes or give exposition.

Now, into character stuff. Let's start with Kai's hot headed-ness. Some people say he's been loosing this quality, and I will admit, that's true! But those that claim this makes him inconsistent... I strongly disagree. In early seasons, Kai's temper would lead him to snap at his friends or make stupid decisions that set the team back (see episode 2 Zane freak out)- these are bad things. These are character flaws, yes? Now, in newer seasons, people say that he's inconsistent, cuz sometimes he'll be hot headed, and sometimes he won't. I'd say, this is exactly how being hot headed... works? It flares up without warning, and as an individual gets control of it, it'll pop up less and less often because they're channeling it into productive things - like say directing the anger towards an enemy (see season 11 end freak out). Kai has gained control of a character flaw, and though it still pops up on occasion, the fact that it's a once in a while kind of thing speaks to his growth. I have a little brother who has this exact personality, and watching him grow up, I can tell you, this is how it is. He used to snap all the time, and he still does sometimes, but much less frequently, because he's a more mature person with better control of his emotions. This is a good thing. This is overcoming personal flaws. This is progression we're seeing.

And while you're hyper focused on this one aspect of him, things like his cocky confidence haven't changed a bit. I mean, that season 3 bit between him and Pixal, and his season 11 "fire maker" streak have the exact same energy. You can not convince me otherwise.

Another adjacent quality that hasn't been dampened is Kai's impulsiveness. This can be a good quality of his, he'll get into a fight without thinking, getting the jump on the enemy. Good stuff. But, this has become such a well defined trait of Kai's that it has been used in a comedic capacity. This is what happens when a character is extremely consistent to the extent that both the audience and the characters in universe would be able to predict their actions. Kai's impulsivity used to be a more serious quality that put himself and others at risk, and was a big power move whenever he did something rash, but it's become such a staple of the show that it's now being used for comedy. That isn't Kai's impulsivity going away, that's Kai's impulsivity being recontextualized for the sake of the show. The season 9 "Who's stupid enough to jump on that thing" isn't a joke at the expense of Kai just for being dumb, it's a joke at Kai's being so predictably impulsive that everyone already knows he'll be the one to put himself in an insane amount of danger without thinking twice (you know, something stupid that might get him killed). But because in this instance, the danger is warranted, this is bravery. It's a complement to his character- it's what ends up defeating the colossus. Why are some people so bothered by this joke?

Oh right, cuz for some reason people want to peg Kai as the smart one? Look, Kai isn't stupid, none of the ninja are. All of them have smart moments (all of them have dumb ones too) and Kai can certainly handle himself, but "smart" is definitely not one of his defining characteristics- I think some people are confusing smart for his actual strength. Connected to his impulsivity, Kai has very good simplistic instincts. He sees the big picture and looks at the most surface level solution- which when the situation calls for it, that does indeed make him smart. But the same logic that led him to think "This snake has a glowing target on its head, lets hit it" also led him to think "I'm in a video game, therefore I am immortal." Are you really going to look at me and say he figured out Lloyd was the green ninja through logical deduction and a careful consideration of the facts? No. He had a gut feeling, and he trusted it. Instincts- instincts paired with his impulsive following of said instincts is what leads him to solve problems- and sometimes, that can be extremely effective. This goes for other ninja too. Jay isn't the smartest ninja- I would really only classify Zane and Nya as having intelligence define them (hence their ship name). But Jay is extremely creative and crafty. He also knows his was around mechanics, and as such, this will lead him to come up with creative tech based solutions which are smart. But, idk about you, if I had to point to another ninja as being 'dumb' it would 100% be Jay. Kai is a lot of things. He's passionate and determined and confident and persistent. He's a good improvisor, he's powerful and he's charming! These are all wonderful qualities, he doesn't also have to be the smart one. I am the worlds biggest Pixal stan, and she's a smart, sassy, powerful character, but I'm not gonna sit here and tell you she's also hilarious and adaptable and strong willed. She's a straight man to all the ninja's antics, extremely tied to her samurai x suit, and lets people push her around all the time. That doesn't mean she can't be funny, or self interested, but when she does act these ways, it stems from her other more prominent qualities. That make sense?

And while we're clearing up what Kai isn't, please stop characterizing Kai as an overly protective brother - especially romantically. The only two times he's been romantically protective to Nya are in Wu's Teas which I mean, come on and in the pilots when Jay is literally a stranger. For crying out loud, by the end of the pilot, he's smiling when Jay and Nya hug. That's not overly protective, that's just normal, any reasonable person would react this way, protective. And it's such a great stereotype break for a kids show like ninjago, having an older brother who actually trusts his younger sister to be her own independent person who can make her own decisions. I mean, I guess it's fine if you HC differently but like... idk, I don't buy it.

Now, is there still room to criticize the writers? Yes. Hell yes. But not to an extent greater than any other character. Could he have had more of a defined reaction to events of the most recent season that I won't name for the sake of spoilers? Yes. But could Zane have reacted for more than .5 seconds at being an evil war lord for apparently 60 years? Yeah. Has Kai taken a back seat in the past 4 seasons? Yeah. But so has Lloyd- and he's literally the main character of the show. Not to mention two of those seasons have gone to people who had to wait over ten seasons to get one to themselves, and one of them is a 40 minute special. Kai's doing just fine.

Anyway. Kai is great. He's a fun, stereotype breaking, impulsively driven, ball of energy and confidence who gets a good amount of screen time and some fun side plots.

One last thing to clear up: no hate to anyone. This isn't targeted at anyone specific, this post has been a long time coming, I've just seen some weird overblown claims on various platforms over the past few months and I finally sat down to write about it.

I like the Kai content we have. After all, if the writers were really that bad at writing him, then no one would like him.

Wow this was so much longer than I thought it would be. Um... if you have other long winded rants you'd like to see from me... let me know I guess?

#ninjago #kai ninjago #kai smith #parachuterants #analysis #lets add this tag:#/lh

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sanktyastag · 3 years ago

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genuinely so confused with people who hate show!darklng. show!darkling is as much of a part of oppressed minority as book!darkling is but with even more 'validation' for his purpose, and i see people still hate show!him saying "oh but he is very bad in book" but then i see them rooting for book m*l LIKE HOWWW [i do kinda understand with those who dislike book!darkling but im still as baffled when when they root for book m*l]

ah, the good old darkling vs mal debate, lol.

in all honesty, i think whether someone prefers mal or the darkling when they watch/read SaB really comes down to how different fans like to engage with media.

i really enjoy politics, moral ambiguity, and fiction as a tool to examine real world oppression. as a result (and incredibly predictably to every single person who knows me) my favorite character is the darkling, because his character is a great lense to examine those different aspects of the series from. but, let's be honest here - both the books and the show only engage in politics, gray morality, and discrimination and oppression against minorities in like... the most surface-level way possible. if you're not already prone to getting over-invested in those fictional aspects, there's very little incentive to do so - because both the books and the show only set the darkling up as a focal point to examine those concepts in book 1, when alina thinks he could possibly be a good person. as soon as the darkling is revealed to be an eViL mAnIpUlAtOr, quite literally all of the nuance is stripped from his character, and we no longer engage with any valid points he may or may not have.

which means, if you're not super interested in socio-political worldbuilding, or you don't really want to examine war from a philosophical or moral standpoint, the books and show won't make you, and so it's nice and easy to just view the darkling as the amoral antagonist who needs to be taken down. i honestly don't blame fans for not liking him in the books, because the books don't... really want you to. and the show does pretty much the same thing. the show stops sympathizing with the darkling the second baghra lets the truth drop, and so every single thing he was previously shown to care about is now framed as the manipulation of an evil, calculating villain. so if a fan looks at the darkling, sees all the evil shit he does, and doesn't want to look past all of that, in order to critically examine his character, and the biased way he's viewed... i mean. yeah. then they wouldn't be a fan of his. they're more than justified in that, in my opinion. "this character is interesting, you just have to look past all the nonsensical extremist, stupid bullshit he does that harms everyone around him" isn't going to be a universal opinion, and i don't blame them for not wanting to go out of their way to sympathize with an uncompromising, murderous bastard who doesn't really respect anyone else's opinions other than his own (which, i think, is true even of show!darkling, although he feels worse about the fact that he's screwing people over. like he might cry about it, but he's still going to go forward with his plan, regardless of who objects). there's a reason darklina fans spend so much time writing about what they think would have been a more satisfying or interesting character arc for the darkling to go through - because canon absolutely doesn't do him any favors. like at all.

and on the other side, there's mal. i actually like both show and book mal, even though i don't think book mal was always handled incredibly well. i think he's a fairly sympathetic character with phenomenally bad coping mechanisms, and that the story spends essentially no time actually exploring his negative character traits in a meaningful way, which means, again, that we're given a character who the audience is tasked with doing most of the legwork for, if they want to like him. just like darkling fans very rarely excuse every single thing he's ever done, i don't actually see mal fans defend all the shit he pulls - beyond when both sides are baiting each other, in which case everyone seems to say the most black and white shit i've ever heard. but that's just kind of how online discourse works, so i won't judge people based off that, lol.

i think most fans of book mal seem to take his character, examine his negative traits and where they stem from, pick how they, personally, would like to see those issues addressed, and then put in the work to give him and alina the breathing room to do go through that character growth together.

so, by and large, i think fans of book mal and show mal just have different concepts that they find interesting or satisfying to explore in the media that they like. i obviously can't speak for others, but generally with mal and alina, i do think it's an interesting coming of age story, and has a smaller-scale, trauma-focused approach to the over-arching, wide-scale moral dilemmas that i focus on when i think about the darkling and alina. they're two flawed characters, thrust into a horrible situation, and they're desperately trying to get through it together, while fighting for the happy, peaceful lives that no one else has ever cared about them achieving.

so, yeah. in the end, i think it's really about what a fan wants from the media they consume. there's not really a wrong answer, in my opinion. it's only when people start judging each other over their fictional preferences that things start getting rocky, which is something that both darkling/alina shippers and mal/alina shippers could probably be better about, as needlessly antagonistic posts are prominent in both ship tags.

#djafljkdalk i'm sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted anon. but it was an interesting chance to explore both ships!#even though trying to word my thoughts on them was... very difficult lol #because i have very strong opinions - both good and bad - on both #like at the end of the day there IS a reason i ship one of these ships more than the other #but it's an entirely personal preference that has to do with me liking certain tropes more than others #i think they're both equally bad in canon tbqh. i just have more fun exploring darklina stuff than i do mal/alina #but in general i think the romance focus of this series kind of ruined an otherwise interesting story </3 #say it with me folks. we're not anti the ships. we're anti the writing that never fully explored anything satisfactorily #and also we're anti the fans that make hating other ships like half of their personality #shadow and bone #darklina #anti leigh bardugo #mostly for my tags i guess lakdjflak

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shoichee · 4 years ago

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ALSO CAN I ASK FOR SOME RANDOM GOM HCS U HAVE? like just random ones u have or if u want like some toxic hcs abt them :D

I’m assuming that I can include their negative traits of their personalities as well 👀 Also including Momoi in this… lots of analyzing for this hc, so I used my brain here pls appreciate AGAIN these are all headcanons/interpretations of possible toxic hcs about them and only a few are canon

[Headcanons]

Kuroko Tetsuya

Kuroko is the hardest person to find a “negative/toxic” trait in, and it doesn’t seem like he has any

kind, understanding, hardworking, and compassionate; he’s everything a good-natured protagonist is

but he’s only like this to people/hobbies he cares about/close with; anything else he’s quite apathetic and also very passive/neutral about

the biggest hint to this is when Akashi criticizes Kuroko for cherry-picking who the GoMs should “go all out against” and who to casually toy with

and Akashi is absolutely correct

most of the series is portrayed through Kuroko’s perspective, and Akashi is the first direct outside perspective who comments on his actions/attitude

it’s obviously not that Kuroko didn’t “notice”... he clearly sees and knows what these GoMs are doing; after all, he had a conversation with Aomine about how observant he is to everything around him

of course, if you were close to him, all your opinions and issues matter to him

it’s the fact that what’s not really important to him is suddenly now important just because someone he knows is involved

just an example: if someone was advocating climate change, he has no opinion on it until someone he knows cares about the issue

in other words, he has a subtle hypocritical view on things, especially when he interacts with others

another clear negative trait could be that he’s too idealistic or perhaps naive, seeing things in a clear black-or-white picture and not necessarily a gray area

WE know, as an audience, that the GoMs honestly needed therapy and a proper adult to guide their out-of-control talents

but Kuroko, in his eyes, had viewed them as “bad” and “evil” in their ways of basketball until they changed after their respective matches

he’s probably someone who doesn’t yield to other opinions once he forms his own, and this may make him unable to consider things in other people’s perspectives

which is again, ironic: someone who doesn’t have generally a strong stance but once they do, it’s very unyielding, which further proves Akashi’s comment about Kuroko’s tendency to nitpick which to care about

a final hc about a potential flaw he might have here in a different ask!

Kise Ryota

y’all… it’s as canon as day that he has a mean side

straight from the author himself, it’s confirmed that Kise is only kind to those who he respects, and to the rest, he’s cold-hearted

in the manga, it’s very clear that he’s super judgmental on every first impression on people he meets, boxing them into categories based on the way they look, act, and speak

only when they surpass his preset expectations (low or high depends on his preliminary judgments of them) is when he opens his mind to the rest of their personality

this is a very close-minded way of thinking, and I hope I don’t need to explain why LOL

this can be interpreted as him being two-faced by the majority of the people in his school

his way of speaking can definitely be very cruel and crass, and to sensitive people, his words can easily shatter hearts

Kise’s negative/toxic traits are pretty straightforward here, so let’s move on

Midorima Shintarou

his harsh words can be considered a “negative” part of his personality, but I think it’s a lot more than just that

it’s confirmed in the series that he’s a bystander and almost always minds his own business

on one hand, one can say he’s self-driven and that he constantly strives for self-improvement

on the other, it can be interpreted as him being very dangerously ambitious and selfish, in which most actions he takes are for the sole reason of self-improvement and not for altruistic reasons

for example, when he helped Kuroko and Kagami in the training camp, it was under the reasoning that them becoming stronger would be a good challenge for himself to test and learn

that’s not to say that he can’t have friends, but most friendships he’s built are with capable people who can potentially provide him with some new beneficial skill/goal to strive towards

after all, he’s only learned to trust Takao as a friend only after seeing him as someone capable

because he’s so focused on himself, he’s extremely likely to turn a blind eye to injustice, most also likely to use Oha Asa to justify their “misfortunes” as he continues on his day

he’s not cold-hearted, but altruism comes by Midorima a lot rarer than the average person

now, we know that his Oha Asa aspect is used to balance his serious side as the “comedic side” of him, but if we really think about it, his obsessions with the horoscopes could be a huge obstacle in the future, where he may refuse to listen/depend on others in favor of his own intuition and the stars; after all, no one knows everything, and depending on the stars as one’s next source of advice and guidance isn’t a sound decision to commit themselves to

he seems like the person who overthinks and jumps to conclusions when it comes to social situations, but instead of confronting the person, he turns to fate and fortune if Takao isn’t near to help

Aomine Daiki

I wouldn’t be surprised if Aomine had a skewed sense of beauty standards from all those magazines he consumed and from being around Momoi for the majority of his life

of course anyone can distinguish pieces of media from reality, but during the most impressionable years of life, without experiencing other types of people and physiques, he would have limited knowledge on what “beauty” is and whatnot

this probably would be more of a problem in his adolescence than adult

a very given negative trait is his short temper plus his tendency to turn to physical violence when someone nags him to a certain point, seen with how he’s treated Wakamatsu in the beginning (though this seems to almost disappear by the end of the series)

what I’ve noticed in every scene he’s in, is that everything seems to revolve around him and his hobbies of basketball and Japanese idols

what I mean is that everytime we see Aomine, it’s always Momoi approaching to Aomine or just him always being the center of attention; never once has he approached Momoi for anything and it’s always been the other way around

in other words, people have to cater to him in order to get along with him/be in good graces (additional example: Imayoshi letting him do as he pleases to get him to be cooperative and participate in the games)

we’ve actually never seen Momoi’s hobbies outside of being a manager for her basketball teams and just anything basketball-related

he can be quite apathetic, choosing to only pay attention and try in things he’s interested in… which is basketball and those magazines

he seems to mature in the Last Game though, so I’m not quite sure to what extent these headcanons would apply to older Aomine (these also don’t really apply to Puremine)

Momoi Satsuki

the author probably also included this type of anime trope as comedy, but belittling another female for her body is definitely a no-go in reality; I feel like this is something most people gloss over really lightly

her body comments on Riko are actually what made me skeptical of her character at first before the show really shows her entire personality

that being said, it seems that she always takes the opportunity to look down on other girls (especially to those she is a stranger to) as a sort of “competition” when there’s boys around

definitely at certain moments, she screams a “pick-me girl” type of person (real phenomenon, you can search this up!)

while Kuroko doesn’t seem to actively mind this, I think she also has no good sense of boundaries and what’s considered appropriate touch and consent; people can chalk this up to “oh it’s just infatuation,” but this definitely isn’t okay if we really think about this

her life also seems to revolve around either Aomine or Kuroko, and based from that, I’d feel like she’d have a difficult time forming her own identity/life separate from her “manager life,” especially once she graduates from Touou

can definitely be interpreted as too clingy at certain moments, while others may think it’s her way of showing that she cares

Murasakibara Atsushi

most people would chalk up Murasakibara as “lazy,” and on the surface level, it does appear to look that way…

I think his true negative trait is that he has a lack of intrinsic motivations to drive him to do things

it’s different from being lazy; someone can be lazy while still having a goal, and certainly someone can be lazy while they’re motivated by thoughts of “I want to learn more,” “I want to get stronger,” etc. (you guys, it’s me right now in college)

and he doesn’t have that

part of this was contributed to the fact that he’s already so gifted with genetics and thus, there’s never been a goal for him to have to work towards to when he’s already at the top

he doesn’t actively seek out, and while that may be a characteristic of sloth, it’s not exactly right either

he willingly does things if people around him give him the motivations/reasons to do so; a person of sloth wouldn’t do anything even with all the motivations and goals handed right to their face

snacks/food are examples of extrinsic motivations that fuel him to carry on daily life

Himuro is always the main motivator for Murasakibara to come out and watch matches, and he also does whatever Akashi orders in both Teiko and present days // a person who can give the giant the motivation to do tasks would get along with him the most

searching out for a challenge against his basketball skills is something that’s never crossed his mind

why? he grew to be like the way he is because of the lack of results from his “search” of a challenge throughout his games

again, it’s only when Murasakibara gets handed a silver-platter of a challenge, Jason Silver, that actively gets him pumped up and raring to go

as such, Murasakibara is equivalent to a rusty machine, extremely difficult to start up and find compatibility with, but very powerful and efficient once he finds that spark

Murasakibara finding any partner or friend in the future would be extremely difficult because he ticks a different tune from the rest

Akashi Seijuro

his entire Bokushi side was a giant-ass red flag for very obvious reasons LOL anyways, moving on…

it’s difficult to pinpoint a negative characteristic for Oreshi because he’s the pinnacle of a gentleman character… but that technically is also his negative trait

for him to maintain that perfect image for himself and others, he has always carried himself in such a way that doesn’t allow for errors or expressions of “weakness”

thus, bottling up his frustrations and emotions to the point of no return is something very familiar to Akashi, and I’d feel like Bokushi is the result of his overflowing emotions left unchecked in the first place

I also predict that if Akashi continues to carry himself without letting himself wind down and feel emotions on the spot rather than locking it up inside him, a day will come when he splits into two halves again with a “new” Bokushi to deal with his current life (and let the current Oreshi take a backseat in his psyche to take a break from the turmoil)

also will tend to overwork himself to manage people’s expectations as well as his own, and he’s not one to depend on people not because he sees them as inferior or incapable, but because he’s doing this out of habit from being in positions of authority and responsibility for much of his life

and so, he may tend to hide important things or just not speak about his problems in general to those close to him because he feels like he can do it all himself and spare everyone the work and stress associated with them (a leader mentality)

throughout the majority of his life being calm and calculated, his emotions would definitely escape from him in forms of uncontrollable lashes of anger… before he would realize what he’s done… that is, assuming that another Bokushi hasn’t form within his subconscious yet

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ophezio · 4 years ago

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yes, i think harry and luna makes more sense than harry and ginny. hear me out

ok so before any hinny shippers get me, please hear me out. a lot of points might be unjustified but only because jk rowling is a shit written and wrote a lot of horrible tropes. but anyways, let’s continue.

let me start off with harry as a character. harry has always been rather opposed to the fame he receives, and hates when people pay him attention only for the purpose of him being The Boy Who Lived. he always feels rather shut off from the world, even though he clearly has people on his side. you can tell he wishes everyone would just look past his legacy and see him for him. hermione and ron do that most of the time, but still do fall into the trap of seeing The Boy Who Lived first. a lot of people do, and it’s quite understandable as that’s the first thing you notice about harry. but anyways harry is just a boy who wants nothing but to been seen as anything but that. moving on to his personality, he’s very hotheaded and very opinionated, and never lets his opinions falter. he of course has a lot of built up anger over the way people have treated him his whole life. he struggles with people just not understanding him the way he longs for someone to. he wants to seen as an ordinary dude who has emotions just like anyone else, simple as that.

now let’s look at ginny as a character. ginny is a very nice girl who’s an enjoyable person to be around. she’s confident, outgoing, funny, and can bring a good energy to room as all eyes automatically go to her. she’s quite popular as she’s extremely pretty, automatically pushing her up the food chain of hogwarts. also, being on the quidditch team helps with the popularity. so naturally, attention follows her. she’s your stereotypical perfect-girl, which isn’t at all a bad thing as most stories need that girl. the one thing i will say that bugs me about ginny is her judgefulness, especially when it came to fleur. now of course this is just plainly jk rowling’s internal misogyny and pick-girl writing style, but it still is ginny, unfortunately. ginny feels like a person who can be quick to judge a situation for what it is rather than accessing it first. and that isn’t exactly a positive trait.

ginny and harry definitely have a lot of similarities and get along extremely well. they both love quidditch, both are hotheaded and opinionated, and overall have a lot of the same personality traits. most importantly, they share the trauma of being controlled and tormented by voldemort. this is a very big thing to share in common, and is most likely why harry can confide in ginny. but, all the similarities can create a dynamic where they butt heads a lot as you do when someone is so similar to yourself. i know personally when i meet people who are a lot like me, we tend to butt heads more often than not. i can definitely get along with those people though, and have great friendships. it’s just anything beyond that wouldn’t work in my opinion. and that’s why harry and ginny sometimes makes me scratch my head a bit. harry and ginny did work in the books because they were always written to be together. but if we think from a realistic standpoint, it wouldn’t have worked at all. similar trauma would definitely create a bond, but now in a way that could be romantically. you are welcome to disagree all you’d like, but i just simply can wrap my head around it.

moving onto luna as a character. luna is a very freeing character who does as she pleases and doesn’t let others people’s harsh opinions affect her and her hobby’s. people have always talked down on luna, and separated her based on what they see on the surface. they first see her as “loony lovegood” because it’s what their first reaction is. i can see at first seeing her as a bit odd, as she does talk about things that are out of the ordinary. but if you look beyond that, she’s so much more. she’s extremely intelligent (hence the ravenclaw), and has such an open mind that anything seems possible to her. with having such an open mind, she’s willing to see situations as they truthfully are, and would never wrongfully judge as she never enjoys when it happens to her. she listens to people, because she knows she’d appreciate if people listened to her. with this comes her calming demeanor that could especially help when someone’s in a state of panic or is just riled up. luna is a very fluid character who can very relaxing to be around.

harry and luna would more realisticly work, in my personal opinion. if they had been written to be together from the start, more people would agree with any opinions regarding harry and luna. but jk rowling being the shit writer she is, she would rather see the main character get together with the perfect girl with seemingly no flaws on the surface, rather than the girl who clearly does have flaws but is more realistic. ginny was written as jk rowling’s projection, clearly representing what she so desperately wanted to be. if she had just written characters as they should be, ginny would an even better character than she already is.

but anyways, harry and luna. harry and luna relate on many different that in the long run matter a lot more than you might realize. harry and luna have always been objectified for things they have no control over. harry for being The Boy Who Lived, and luna for being herself. they’ve both been on the receiving ends of weird stares and harsh words. hogwarts has seemingly created a lot more problems for them than anything, yet they still manage to find more redeeming qualities than anything. especially with found families. harry and luna both know what’s it like to lose a parent, and what that sort of thing does to you. no one else they know have gone through that, making it hard to connect with others on that level. they’re able to understand each other, and sympathize for each other without it being pity because they know how it feels. and i think this shows when luna comforts harry after sirius dies. she knows the feeling, and makes harry feel known and understood, something he constantly needs from people. he needs people to see him on a personal level, and see him beyond his fame, and see him as harry, a ordinary boy who has just had unfortunate things happen to him. i think luna really gets that feeling, hence why she’s able to make harry feel more comforted about sirius’s death. luna generally has a calming effect, and it works extremely well for harry, who desperately needs a person capable of doing that. luna can see straight though him, and can sense when he’s feeling down and lying about being fine. not many people tell him they can see through him, rather just believing when he says he fine and leaves it alone. luna is very straightforward, and sometimes harry does need that. yet she doesn’t pry for information. she’ll tell him she knows he’s not fine, but she’ll let it go rather that press on him for details. harry is always appreciative of people who don’t pry for details, but when someone can see past your facade yet still give you the space you need, it helps a great deal. especially someone like harry who is only ever looked at from the surface. he’s seen as an object rather than a person. but luna never does that. luna never looks at him as The Boy Who Lived, she looks at him like he’s an normal boy who she just happens to go to school with. harry can talk to luna with fear of being seen just for fame, and can obviously talk to luna without being bothered. people generally avoid luna, and realistically, harry would find comfort in that. harry enjoys when he escapes the fame, and can be normal. luna is one of few people he can be like that with. hence why i would assume harry finds more comfort in that than what’s written in the book. i always take everything in those books with a grain of salt, and this is one thing that i think otherwise on. if these books were more better written, harry would naturally find comfort in someone he can lay low with and find peace with. someone who understands him and wouldn’t turn their back on him. luna is that person. all throughout the books, luna is constantly standing behind harry, never for one second leaving him behind. in the 5th book, she reassures harry that she certainly believes harry and has no reason not to. she also helps harry tell people his truth by putting his interview with rita skeeter in the quibbler. that’s a very important thing for harry, as not many people would be willing to do that big of thing for him, especially during that period of everyone accusing him of being a liar. luna also constantly stands behind harry in the 6th and 7th books. she asks a lot of times if the DA will ever meet again, showing she’s willing to meet again if harry ever speaks the words. after almost getting caught the previous, people might not want to return to the DA so willinging as luna seems to. and in the 7th book, she stands behind him too, comforting him when dobby dies, casting those patronuses when seen harry in danger, and when she offered to cause a distraction so harry could get some privacy after the final battle.

luna is a very strong support system, and never falters her support. this is very important for someone like harry, who a lot of times gets a nagging feeling that people are going to leave him, which is understandable for the life he’s lived. luna is the definition of a ride or die. now an argument i see a lot is harry wouldn’t be good enough for luna. if we look at it canon wise, then yes, i might agree. but that’s simply because he wasn’t written to be romantically involved with luna, hence why it does seem he would be not be good enough for her. if he had been written to be interested in her, it would appear totally different. i mean canon does show us he does care for her and doesn’t think poorly of her. he clearly always appreciates her kind gestures, and he clearly enjoys her presence enough to invite her along to the slughorn christmas party. he wouldn’t have invited her if he didn’t like and care for her, simple as that. if a romance was written and developed between them, things would look a lot better than they do when we look at canon. i personally hate most canon things, so i simply ignore certain canon aspects a lot of times. most importantly being harry being an auror and settling down with ginny. the auror part being because he doesnt like attention from a lot of people, and isn’t ever really shown to be enjoying fighting dark wizards. personally if i had been hunted down by dark wizards my whole life i wouldn’t go into a profession where i’d often be fighting them, but that’s just me i guess. and settling down with ginny just for the fact that usually high school sweethearts don’t make it far out of high school, and i also don’t see ginny wanting to settle down so early in her life. like c’mon, does ginny weasley honestly seem like the type to settle down at the age of 22 or 23? not really. ginny wouldn’t willing give up a professional quidditch career for some kids, let’s be real here. in a most realistic setting, i see harry laying low for a while, living a peaceful life where he doesn’t have to have people constantly prodding him because of his fame. and luna obviously would never settle down early either. they’re similar in that retrospect, and had they been together, would probably live in a cottage where they don’t have many neighbors. i also see them traveling and just enjoying the peacefulness of seeing new things and finding the joy in the simple things. it’s something that would be so important for harry and could truly help with his recovery, because him not having any mental health problems is so painfully unrealistic. and luna would be wonderful for improving his mental health, as she understands him and can see straight through him. also, she’d bring him out of his comfort zone into things he’d never though he’d find himself doing, but enjoying nonetheless. he needs someone to bring out a different side to him, and show him all the different possibilities life has to offer, people i can easily see harry have troubling with seeing the light in life after everything he’s been through.

i’m definitely rambling at this point so let me conclude : i love ginny to pieces, she’s one of my absolute favorite characters. but with the careless way she was written, and the unrealistic terms in which her and harry’s relationship was written under, i can’t help but see harry and luna being a more realistic match.

#harry potter #luna lovegood #harry x luna #ginny weasley #harry potter ships #harry potter opinions #character study #character analysis #opinions #discourse

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calliecat93 · 3 years ago

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When I started TNG, the biggest curiosity I had was why Dr. Pulaski was so hated. I heard plenty about why, but at the same time I wanted to see for myself and be able to draw my own conclusions. Well now that I’ve finished S2, I think that I can safely state my opinion and the reasons why she had such a bad reception.

My general opinion is… Pulaski’s fine, but she got an bad start. She’s a very competent doctor who is devoted to her duty. She’s a bit of a smartass, but otherwise a friendly enough person. She’s a VERY much based off a certain CMO form a certain other Star Trek show that came out before this one, but we’ll get to that later. Pulaski honestly had a lot working against her and she just wasn’t able to get over them despite her actress Diana Muldaur (who played Miranda Jones in TOS) doing an excelent acting job. It ultimately ended with Pulaski being dropped all together and Crusher returning in Season 3.

While I understand the hate against Pulaski and can’t say that it’s unwarranted to an extent, I think that a lot of it that I saw was overblown. Now if people disliked the character, that’s fine. Everyone has different tastes and reasons for what they like and dislike and should be free to have and express those thoughts. But a lot of the issues with her that I had were taken care of very early on and she became much better by the end of her tenure. So why do I believe that Pulaski ultimately failed? Well I’ve come up with three explanations based off my own observations from watching the show and what I got from fandom consensus. Now this is all my opinion based on those observations and is not objective fact whatsoever, so take this with a grain of salt. So I believe the reasons that Pulaski failed are:

#1. She Is Essentially a Female Dr. McCoy… Sort Of: Pulaski was clearly heavily based on Dr. McCoy from TOS. She’s an middle-aged, somewhat world-weary doctor. She’s stubborn, grumpy, and doesn’t put up with anyone’s crap. She’s witty and always ready with a biting comment. She has the dedication to her job. She has the bantery relationship with the Science Officer, which we’ll go into that here soon. She is a doctor before she is an officer and that will always be her top priority, even at great risk to herself. She has a zero tolerance towards authority and isn’t afraid to talk back to anyone no matter how much they outrank her. She even outright has a hatred of teleporters that McCoy had. The parallels are all there. It may be why I’m a bit more lenient on her since McCoy is very much my favorite character in TOS and so far all of ST. But I think it is very much the root of the problem.

While Pulaski has several of McCoy’s traits, I think the writers really only understood McCoy on a surface level. They forget to include his compassion, his empathy, his humanism, his loyalty to the captain even when he opposes his actions, all of the things that make McCoy… well, McCoy. I don’t even know if the pacifism is there. Also McCoy had over 70 episodes of TOS and at that point five films (Undiscovered Country hadn’t been made yet). Pulaski had about 20 episodes and her relevance depended on the episode. McCoy had that as well, but he also had more material so we had FAR more time to get to know him. Pulaski didn’t get to have the time to gain that depth or care from the audience. Like… can I imagine Pulaski hypoing someone so that she can be tortured in their stead and it have the same impact that The Empath did? Can I see her counseling and assuring Picard if he’s having doubts like McCoy did for Kirk in The Ultimate Computer (okay tbf that would be Troi’s job but still)? Could I imagine any of the main cast being crushed about Pulaski dying of a terminal illness and choosing to stay on essentially a doomed spaceship with someone she just met and feel as gutted as I did in For the World is Hollow…? Honestly… given time maybe but in the end no. Now could I imagine McCoy risking getting an aging illness to possibly cure a child and others of it ala Unnatural Selection? Yes, albiet I think he’d be smart enough to bring protective equipment with him to be safe. Could I imagine McCoy telling someone like Data they’d be wrong to sit by a woman giving birth because he wasn’t human ala The Child? Hell no. Maybe he would if he was worried it would cause potential distress the one giving birth, but it sure as hell wouldn’t be because they’re an android. But I could imagine that someone who just saw McCoy as ‘grumpy doctor with a bad bedside manner who says witty lines and argues with the logical Vulcan character’ would get that interpretation. Thus why I think that Pulaski may have ended up how she did.

Now mind you I do think it IS a double standard to excuse McCoy’s dickish momemts and flaws, but demonize Pulaski for her’s. It’s like saying a man can be that way because it’s just expected of them and they can be forgiven, but a woman doing so or being assertice is wrong and they are horrible and unforgivable for having these traits or having flaws even if they correct them. That being said I do think that it’s more than that and it all comes down to the fact that TOS and TNG are two different shows with different character dynamics and ways of doing things. TOS mainly followed a Triumvirate (for the most part but that’s a different post entirely), TNG is much more of an ensemble. Pulaski didn’t have a Kirk nor a Spock to bounce off of or either let her traits shine or be kept in check like McCoy did nor did she really develop any unique relations for herself aside from maybe with Troi. We hear about her empathy and humanitarianism, but we don’t really see it on-screen like we did with McCoy. She has his surface level traits, not the deeper ones that the Triumvirate dynamic along his doctor position allowed him to showcase. In other words, Pulaski was put in a series that wasn’t designed for her while McCoy was exactly where he needed to be in order to thrive. It really speaks to how much the TNG writers didn’t really seem to get McCoy or why and how his character worked, which is strange since they got him right when he showed up in the series premiere. But maybe that was due to DeForest Kelley and him absolutely knowing the character he’d played for so long. But yeah they tried to replicate McCoy, and it just didn’t work with TNG’s already established character dynamics nor did they fully get the character that they were trying to recreate. If I want McCoy, I’ll go watch TOS or AOS. I didn’t need Pulaski for that.

#2. Data and Misconstrued Character Dynamics; This is in relation to the first reason and REALLY shows how much the writers didn’t think the dynamics through. We all know how much Spock and McCoy bantered. How they are opposite ends of the spectrum and how their perspective points helped Kirk in making his decisions. Well clealry they wanted to re-create that with Pulaski and Data. Makes sense, Pulaski represents the humanism and Data the logical. But there’s one big, BIG problem with that: Data is NOT Spock. A lot fo people have pointed this out, but here’s the thing about Spock. Despite whatever he may have said, Spock DID have emotions. He kept them suppressed due to the issues in his upbringing and that wasn’t necessarily healthy, but he did have them. And despite speaking in a calm manner, he was also an utter sass bucket, could be rude, and had no issue putting down humanity if he had a point to make. He and McCoy were very much equal in their bantering and yes maybe McCoy could go too far with his insults, but there was always an equal balance and Spock was also perfectly capable of starting/escalating their spats. There were also plenty of moments to show that in spite of it, they were still friends and cared a great deal about each other with probably the best examples of this being The Immunity Syndrome, Bread and Circuses, The Empath, and plenty of moments in others like Miri and For the World is Hollow… Those who have been following me know how much I love the Spock/McCoy dynamic and I could go all day, but the point is it’s a complex relationship that may seem like disdain on the outside, but is so much more when you examine it up close.

Data however? Data is intelligent and the Science Officer with a calm demeanor, but that’s about where the similarity between him and Spock ends. Data is an android. I do not believe that he is emotionless, he just has a different wiring that causes him to feel things differently. He’s never shown disdain towards humanity at least from what I’ve observed thus far. If anything, he actively seeks to understand it and emotions more. He actively has hobbies like Sherlock Holmes. He tries things like sneezing and growing a beard in an effort to understand more. Data is more or less a child with a child-like understanding of things and he doesn’t really understand social cues or things like humor, but he DOES have emotions and feelings. There’s too much on-screen evidence to say otherwise. He just has his own way of processing it. This is what makes Pulaski look so bad. When she calls Data a machine, says he can’t understand, and even purposefully mispronounces his name, she comes across as an outright bully. She is essentially bullying a neurodivergent child. Do I need to explain why that’s awful? Data, while by no means a doormat, isn’t the type to sass back or make any biting comments back like Spock would. There is no balance. There is no equal footing. There are not enough positive interactions outside the banter to show that there is something deeper there at the end of the day like Spock and McCoy did. Heck you can even compare how Pulaski and McCoy talk to Data via McCoy’s guest appearance in Encounter at Farpoint. He DOES make a quip about Vulcans when talking to Data and when Data points out he’s an android not a Vulcan, McCoy mumbles “Just as bad.” But immediately after he gives Data genuine heartfelt advice on treating the Enterprise with care. It’s clear that ultimately it’s McCoy being his usual grumpy self who’d be acting the same way towards anyone else and is otherwise perfectly civil and encouraging to Data. We’ve known him long enough to know this. Pulaski didn’t have that luxury, coming off as condescending towards Data at best and considering that she’s a doctor, it looks especially bad.

Now to be fair this only lasts for about four episodes. Pulaski does start catching herself by her second episode, and stops completely after Unnatural Selection when Data helps her and stays with her after she gets the aging virus. After that she’s MUCH moe civil to him, even defending his choice going against the Prime Directive in Pen Pals and was at his retirement party in The Measure of a Man. But clearly the damage had been done. Data is a very beloved character and by Oulaski’s intro had already been established and well-liked character. Data was treated equally and was valued as far more than just an android among the rest of the crew, Crusher included, so Pulaski coming in a season later and acting that way also didn’t help. The writers did not think through why Spock and McCoy worked and how to try figure out a unique dynamic for Pulaski and Data. Instead they just tried to copy TOS, and it utterly failed. It ruined Pulaski’s chances before she could even really start running. But I do believe that she could have rebounded and as I said, she DID get past it. She did relapse some at the end of the season in Peak Performance to the point I wanna say that maybe it chronologically happened earlier in the season, but even then she felt realized her screw up and apologized. It’s still an improvement from early on. But things just weren’t meant to be, which leads is to…

#3. She Only Lasted One Season/She Replaced Dr. Crusher: I believe that the biggest thing that worked against Pulaski is simple: she was cut after Season 2. Pulaski was created when Gates MacFadden left the show. I’ve seen conflicting reasons as to why, but regardless she left and a CMO was needed. IDK how popular Crusher was, but I had really enjoyed her. She was essentially the mom of the ship which added something different from TOS (wel McCoy was also the mom lets be real XD), had a son onboard which also added something new, was very much capable and devoted to her job, and was a badass when she got to use a phaser. Her being written out sucked, but that’s not necessarily a reason to hate Pulaski. But as I highlighted above, she just didn’t work. They tried to make McCoy, but without the dynamics and depth that let McCoy flourish. TNG is not TOS. Whenever TNG tried replicating TOS like with The Naked Now? It blew up in their faces. The key to a spinoff or reboot is to keep certain themes and tone alive, but to not just replicate what came before. TNG flourished when it began to find it’s own footing, and ultimately lasted four seasons longer than it’s predecessor due to it.

I genuinely believe that Pulaski COULD have developed into her own character and could have found her place the same way that McCoy did. But alas that didn’t happen. People wanted Crusher back, so they managed to get MacFadden to return and thus Crusher was put back in her rightful place. Because of it, Pulaski was just forgotten about. She didn’t get the chance to form her own character. She didn’t the chance to develop further and leave her early days behind. Why? Because she simply wasn’t given the opprotunity to do so. I can’t say it was the wrong choice, but it’s an utter shame because I do believe that Pulaski was on her way to improving. But it was too late. Her bad start with Data, her character not working in the TNG dynamic, and her replacing an already perfectly likeable character who did fit the dynamics all amounted to the character’s abrupt end. And because she didn’t get the chance to develop further and find her own path, her bad reputation has stuck to this very day.

In the end, the whole thing just feels like a waste. Pulaski had potential, but it just didn’t work in the end. I can’t say that I hate her. If anything, I feel bad for her. The writers failed her at the end of the day and by the time they tried correcting their errors, the audience had already made their judgement. It may have been for the best to just drop her and bring Crusher back, but I also hate seeing character potential just so utterly wasted. I hope that if any side material used Pulaski, they were able to find a much better direction for her. I can’t say that I love Pulaski. In a more TOS-like setting maybe she’d have worked better. But in the end I think that Pulaski was a decent character who just had too much working against her and they caused her to crash and burn. Just an unfortunate case all in all.

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#this is all mainly opinion so feel free to ig kre

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autumnblogs · 4 years ago

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Day 16: Preoccupied by the same things as trolls

https://homestuck.com/story/2792

Not actually a whole lot of substance for all this dialogue, but we’ve got a few things.

I forgot how hostile Kanaya became toward Vriska, and it sounds to some extent like that’s how it is toward Tavros too? Girl really knows how to hold a grudge - Kanaya is a generally sweet girl, but she’s got a pretty uncontrollable temper when it comes to matters of the heart.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/2805

Rose is not a Prince, and if the inversion theory is true, she wouldn’t invert into one either, but the parallel between them here is about as clear as it can get. By Trolling Rose, Eridan makes it irritatingly obvious to Rose just how dangerous and uncooperative she’s becoming in her pursuit of knowledge and power by drawing these comparisons between the two of them. Ridiculous as they are, Eridan is right - Rose is becoming something of a villain, or at least a dangerously unstable anti-hero.

Rose, unlike most of the main characters who might be called antagonists, does not actually do anything especially heinous. She doesn’t kill anyone who doesn’t deserve it like Vriska does.

But she’s definitely turning into an antagonistic force nonetheless, and one whose actions will ultimately lead to the creation of the Green Sun - something which has to happen, but which nevertheless makes her Scratch’s dupe just like Vriska.

https://homestuck.com/story/2809

If Rose is a parallel to Vriska, and Aradia is a parallel to Vriska, perhaps there are some parallels between Aradia and Vriska. Not the least of which is being severely pessimistic young ladies who engage in reckless, self-destructive behavior to cope with their feelings of helplessness.

https://homestuck.com/story/2818

Gamzee is the reverse of Dave here, in a way.

Gamzee and Dave have both been under the influence of Lord English, more or less directly, their entire lives, and in time, Gamzee inherits Lil Cal. Gamzee’s crisis of faith turns him into a villain, and he exits the story as a character, becoming more or less a plot element.

Dave will also get to enjoy his crisis of faith before long when Bro dies, and separated from him, he’ll have the opposite experience - becoming a far happier and more chill person, but pretty irrelevant to the plot.

https://homestuck.com/story/2825

Dave gets trolled by Trolls along the same basic lines Rose does. Equius’ preoccupation with Hierarchy may not seem like it reflects on Dave, but Dave is clearly unsettled by his relationship with John as second banana in terms of power - there’s no way he can catch up. Dave is not the hero, in spite of all the symbols associated with him that should make him the hero. He’s the sidekick.

https://homestuck.com/story/2836

Here’s a fresh take. Dave’s Broken Symbol, and his Broken Sword, are both emblematic of the fact that he “flunked” Bro’s training. Dave is not the strongest. He is not the most badass. He is not even all that cool.

But what Dave is is genuinely creative. He’s a cunning lateral thinker. Practical, to the point, reliable. Dave isn’t the aloof guy who always wins that Bro tried to turn him into, and having his sword broken and his disc scratched are both symbols of that failure - but they are also symbols of transformation, and of coming into one’s own strengths after becoming disillusioned with a false sense of pride.

Dave might not be able to pull the sword out of the stone - he’s not the destined King. But there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

https://homestuck.com/story/2848

Let’s do some more theme association.

If the Squiddles are the Dark Gods, and Squiddles are also symbols of intimacy, maybe there’s some degree to which the impulses stoked by the Dark Gods are unifying impulses - the desire to become tangle buddies with your pals are at basic odds with the fact that you are a separate individual with your own body and your own will. The union of the real, one, unique self, Skaia, with the realm of all unrealized possibility, the Furthest Ring, is what the Dark Gods are after, but that union would be destructive to Skaia - perfect unity with the Horrorterrors would have it cease to be Skaia at all.

https://homestuck.com/story/2850

Following the same pattern to analyze this set of troll-human relationships.

I wonder if Jade comes across as cloying and condescending as Feferi does to her friends? Is she afraid that she does?

https://homestuck.com/story/2853

If we’re paying attention to these particular conversations because of the Trolls’ preoccupations with the same things that the characters are anxious and preoccupied about is any indication, Jade’s psyche is in way worse condition than just about anybody’s right now.

What I’m saying here is that the Trolls almost certainly contact the kids and have far more conversations in general than we get to see - Act 5 has already started to play around with skipping conversations and interactions that aren’t mission critical, and only paying attention to the ones that are relevant to the overall character arcs.

Karkat contacts Jade and airs the grievances that she’s currently feeling internally - Karkat all but literally is Jade’s monster headache. The two of them are frustrated over their sleeping situation and have had the exact same response to encountering the Dark Gods.

Jade is, in pretty short order, going to have to confront the same self-loathing and anger issues that Karkat has too, and this conversation serves as an immediate prelude to that.

And while it’s a pretty short line, Karkat is right - Jade suddenly understands Jack Shit.

Prospit’s destruction has completely shattered her expectations.

https://homestuck.com/story/2868

Wow! And just like that, those anger issues come right to the surface. Jade is noticeably nastier to John than she’s ever been to just about anybody but Karkat in this conversation!

https://homestuck.com/story/2880

Jade and John are task-focused, and don’t really talk much with each other about what’s going on inside of their heads - they talk about the events that are happening to them, and what they’re doing.

Which is to say that of the pair Problems and Feelings, Prospit Dreamers are more about Problems, and Derse Dreamers are probably more about feelings.

https://homestuck.com/story/2887

Now that we’re getting a chance to know the real Jade, one of the character traits I’m immediately finding she shares in common with Feferi is their sort of motherly disapproval of their friends’ choices - one of the conversations I’ve had recently with some friends about this (including @bladekindeyewear) has pegged one of Jade’s flaws as being “smothering” and it comes out in the way that she dunks on John’s preferences.

I’m going to show my ass here a little by making this reference, but it reminds me of Rarity from Friendship is Magic just a tiny bit. Maybe Rarity is a Witch too, although of what Aspect, I wouldn’t be able to tell you right now.

https://homestuck.com/story/2922

It’s extremely easy to forget that Rose pretty much unilaterally decided on the behalf of the rest of the team, more or less without consulting them, to sabotage their game of Sburb, and while it was always destined to fail, the fact that Rose chooses to destroy the game instead of playing the game is suggestive of the fact that she bears some level of accountability for the misfortunes throughout.

I’m not trying to play the blame game so much as I am trying to draw connections to help explain why I see Rose and Vriska as being fairly alike, and not just by merit of being Light Players, but also in terms of the role that they play in Act 5 - they are both manipulating and organizing timeline events in order to get the other players to do things that are contrary to their seeming interests, neither of them listens to the pleas of the people who love them to stop, and their actions ultimately lead to (at least temporary) catastrophe.

Rose is dangerous to herself and her team, and she doesn’t much care.

Or she at least tries hard not to feel too bad about it while having serious and obvious misgivings about her own actions. Knowing that there is a problem and ignoring it anyone is like looking at your face in the mirror and immediately turning away and forgetting what your face looks like.

https://homestuck.com/story/2927

And with that, we’ll pause for the evening. Not as many pages as usual, but a hell of a lot of text.

Cam signing off, Alive and not Alone.

#liveblogging #commentary

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countingwithturkeys · 4 years ago

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Blurb: Peacemaker

A long time ago I wrote a blurb about Marceline finally passing and joining Bonnie in dead world. Consider this the prequel to that. Though my blurbs typically don’t come with content warnings, this one has two: Death and feels. I promise the next blurb will be fluffy.

Mom was never the same after mama died.

When I was young I was fascinated by mama’s ability to catch mom in a lie. Mom was a fantastic liar, something she said always served her well at work. She could lie to her demons and she could lie to fellow cosmic entities. She could deceive her father, Death, even herself. She even saw fit to teach me everything she knew, believing that the ability to fool someone was an essential survival skill. She was a master at it, a true artist. But she could never fool mama. She would try, of course, usually with a lop-sided grin that hid her actions but not her intent, but mama saw through her every single time. “It’s her eyes,” mama told me one day. “Your mother can change any part of her she wishes, but her eyes will give her away every time.”

I had laughed when she told me this with a self-satisfied smirk, and it really was funny to think about. The ruler of the Nightosphere, evil incarnate itself, no match for a queen made of gum? Mama had tried to teach me what she knew, because just as mom believed lying was a vital skill mama believed detecting deception was just as important. “For when you become queen one day,” she had said, and I would just roll my eyes because both of my parents are immortal and had lived for well over a century. Still, there was wisdom in mama’s coaching, and I had tried my hardest to see through mom’s tricks and schemes. I never succeeded.

Not until mama died.

“I’m fine, Penny. No worries.”

That had been the first time I had caught mom in a lie, and it made my blood run cold. She had given me the same reassuring smile she had always given me when I asked how she was doing at mama’s funeral, but I could see the pain in her eyes. Something, some light I didn’t even know was supposed to be there was missing. Instead something new had taken its place, something that made me grossly uncomfortable, that made me clench Raak’s hand even as mom fixed them with a level stare, begrudgingly accepting them as my mate out of respect for our soulbond and the desire to see me happy, and nothing more. Even then her heart hadn’t been in it, I could tell. There was no fire. Literally or metaphorically.

“Head back, okay? I’ll catch up.”

Except mom never set foot in the castle again after that day. Jan had tried to joke that mom was finally obeying stereotypical vampire rules, that maybe I should try explicitly inviting her back into the palace that had been her home for hundreds of years. Instead she had decapitated him with her axe. Her heart wasn’t in that either. Raak thought it was funny, but they were too smart to say so.

Instead she threw herself into her work, leaving the Nightosphere only when the situation - either literally or socially - called for it. Of course, she was always there when I wanted or needed her. She was right there for my wedding, because despite mama’s best attempts Ooo never did recognize a soulbond as a legal establishment and more’s the pity, even if Raak was clearly and adorably taken with the whole event. She was there for the births of both of my children, lending no small effort to helping to raise them and teach them what it meant to be part demon, what it meant to live as such on the surface world. She still kept a watchful eye on the descendants of her friends long passed.

But there was no more music after mama died. When she decapitated Jan it didn’t escape my notice that her axe lacked all of the necessary accouterments for it to play music. The concert hall, that extension of the Citadel she had painstakingly built from materials imported from Ooo itself was sealed shut, with no demon daring to mention its existence even in hushed whispers. It was only be executive order - my executive order to be precise - that her records and albums were preserved as Candy Kingdom national treasures. It was the only way I could be sure that my children would know their grandmother had the most hauntingly beautiful voice.

Mom was there, but she wasn’t. She supported me, loved me, guided me. She was every much the same mom she had always been, so long as you didn’t look too closely. Unfortunately for her, I took after mama just a little too much; I appreciated the effort mom put in to make sure I understood and could make music, but I was a scientist at heart. Of course, I studied the science of sound, but musicology was an important field of study with any number of practical applications.

“Your mama would be proud,” mom had said with a beaming, watery smile.

She denied it vehemently, but I knew how much of her she saw in me. I knew how much it hurt her. So I never faulted her reticence, or the way she retreated into herself. She was just as loving and somehow even more frustratingly protective as she had always been when I was a child, but the wisdom only age can grant allowed me to see her as the person she was, flawed and in pain. I pretended not to notice the steel locket she wore tucked under the shield of her suit. I forbade my gardeners from touching mama’s rose garden, leaving it under mom’s devoted care. I told my children stories of my parents so that mom’s voice wouldn’t crack when she tried to tell them instead. Above all, I pretended not to see the pain in her eyes when she looked at me, hidden beneath her love and pride.

I couldn’t imagine the agony of feeling a soulbond severed. My mothers had in essence grown up together in the way only immortals could. Their relationship spanned almost seven hundred years before I was conceived, had lasted over a century by the time that bond had been broken. I took comfort in knowing that at least mama wasn’t suffering; although mom was arrogant - they both were, really, at least that wasn’t a trait I inherited - she was every bit a schemer as mama, just in her own weird way. Before I was even born she had somehow persuaded Death to let mama into Dead World at the highest tier should she ever die, though she was reluctant to share how she had pulled that one off. Not even mama knew, and somehow her frown at being robbed of the knowledge had only ever made mom laugh harder.

I missed the sound of mom’s laughter. That died, too, along with her music.

The best we would ever get were soft chortles, though she did give me a sincere smile the first time my daughter produced fire. She took after my mom in a way I never did and found the Nightosphere fascinating. Somehow she had managed to wear down mom’s resistance and was even allowed to shadow her at work, though it only made her love the job even more. Not that it would ever be her’s, mom would emphasize. Repeatedly. Usually while tapping her amulet with her claw to remind everyone that she was, regrettably, Deathless.

As cliche as it was it had hit me in the middle of the night - poor Raak, I almost gave them a heart attack - that mom would never see mama again. Being exempted from Death’s scythe meant that their souls would never be reunited, and suddenly mom’s morose attitude made perfect sense. She would live eternity in agony, because that amulet she was so proud of was a curse that could only be passed through blood. I was already queen of the Candy Kingdom, and though I knew my daughter would leap at the opportunity to take her grandmother’s place, mom was always adamant that this duty ended with her. And she was endless.

But I was nothing if not my mama’s daughter, and while mom was willing to be resigned to her fate mama had taught me that all problems have solutions, so long as you knew what question to ask. Trusting Raak to distract mom long enough to not notice her precious pickle jar being pilfered from her room, and with a silent promise to both them and Jan that I would make their grievous injuries up to them, I had met with the one being I thought could persuade Death to change his mind.

“Please,” I had implored Life. “I know mom has a contract with Death, but there has to be a different way. I love my mother, and mama died saving me.” Whereas her husband was cold and heartless Life had always been warm and compassionate, and though she could give me no details she assured me that mom herself was what prevented their reunion, that another contract superseded the agreement she and Death had with one another. Life had never lied to me before. This was where mama and I differed as rulers, I had realized: she had trusted no one, save for her mate. I would not make that mistake.

After returning home I bided my time. Nothing important had ever been done in haste. Mama had taught me that. I summoned my daughter and son to me for a secret, yet essential, conversation. He had cried, as I knew he would, but she had understood. Actually, she had grinned that same grin mom had when she finally wore mama’s resistance down. But that would be a headache for a different evening. Although mom liked to only return to Ooo when specifically requested, or to tend to mama’s garden in secret, there was one night I could always count on her making an appearance.

Just as it had ended, it began with a meteor shower.

It was surreal, seeing mom at mama’s grave. I knew she went there every year, leaving the most beautiful of roses for her and apprising her of the previous year’s events. That meteor shower was important to her, important to them both. Their first date was under that shower, they had been married under that shower. Cruelly, mama had been killed the night of that shower, and one year later exactly she had been buried under its glistening light, as was tradition.

Although I normally wouldn’t attempt to hide the sounds of my approach - mom’s hearing was too precise for that to ever work, I had learned that the hard way as a child - I attempted anyway, out of respect for her privacy. It was odd, seeing her out of her suit, in torn jeans and some t-shirt. I could hear the spectre of my mama’s voice calling her outfit distasteful. It made me smile, even if it didn’t make me deaf to the one-sided conversation.

“-so proud of her, Bon. Penny’s got this whole queen thing down. Made some pretty righteous changes you probs wouldn’t approve of, but you know? She actually made a legit treaty with the Fire Kingdom. Like, without using the Nightosphere as a liaison. It was amaze-balls. The Kingdom’s in mondo-awesome hands.” Even as her chuckle was forced I couldn’t help my blush of pride at my mom’s words. She wasn’t one to pay false compliments or criticisms; she said and did exactly as she meant and wanted to. Refreshing, really, given the pressures of ruling.

“I miss you, Bon.” Her voice cracked, and my smile dropped. “It’s…” I heard her sigh and dared to peek from my hiding place behind the gateway that marked the grounds. Whereas before she had been floating she now sat - actually sat - with her arms wrapped around her knees. Something was clasped in her hand, something small and square, but in the dark I couldn’t see what. I never inherited her night vision. “I know Death held up his end of our deal, so you’re pretty up there in Dead World, huh? Gotta be with Finn and Jake and Phoebe and Simon everyone else, right? How are they doing?” Her voice began to shake and I looked away, knowing I was intruding on something deeply personal. “It’s just… so hard without you, Bon. I know you’re probs doing your science junk to your heart’s content… but we had science down here, you know?” And then I heard it. A sound I had never heard before in centuries of life, something that made my heart drop and my skin crawl.

Through a soft, almost imperceptible declaration of her love, my mother was crying.

It was hard to imagine my mother doing such a thing. I knew she was more emotional than my mama - and I had the stories from Uncle Finn and Uncle Jake in my youth to prove it - I had always thought those emotions to be limited to the spectrum of rage. It was hard to see Lady Evil as someone who could or would express such sorrow, and harder still to think of the woman who gave me life, who raised me, protected me, nurtured me, and protected me as having those kinds of feelings, but there they were. And it solidified my decision.

Though it was telling that mom hadn’t heard my approach already I made just enough noise to reveal my position, giving her the chance to conceal her despair. It was the respectful thing to do. It was the kind thing to do.

I heard her snarl, but once she saw who was encroaching on her personal time with my mother’s headstone her demeanor changed. She was floating again, the square object clutched in her hand. The smile she greeted me with was arrogant and knowing, though it was obvious to me that she was counting on the cover of night to hide the signs that this was a bluff. “What are you doing out so late, mein Schatzi?”

I may have not been able to decipher my mom’s expression, but I knew she could see me as clearly as ever. There was no sense stopping my eyeroll. “I thought I would find you out here, mom.” I thought I heard a forced snicker before she seemed to turn back to the grave. I lowered my voice respectfully, both for my mama’s resting place and for the heavy atmosphere. “I wanted to see how you were.”

“Just catching your mama up.” There was a tightness in her voice. And then it was gone. “So what, you got bored? Or is this your way of admitting I was right and that-”

A sigh of irritation escaped me. I didn’t try too hard to stop it. “Mom, for the last time. I’m very happy with Raak. We have two beautiful children, a soulbond, and they never stop striving to make me happy.”

“Now, Penelope-”

“Grandfather wasn’t thrilled with your soul’s choice in a mate, and now you aren’t thrilled with mine. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

She was quiet, and for a moment I believed she might actually reflect on her behavior. My mistake. The same one, coincidentally, I knew mama made just as often. “Seems like it’s a family tradition at this point! Can’t mess with that!”

I closed my eyes, rubbing my left temple. The headache would have to wait until after this conversation. “Mom, I didn’t come out here to talk about Raak or the children. I came out here to talk about mama.”

I didn’t need night vision to see her wince. Even if she hid her tears she always wore her heart on her sleeve. “What did you want to talk about?,�� she asked, more tension than I’m sure she meant sneaking into her voice.

It was now or never, quite literally. “Mom… I know you miss her.”

I expected her to deny it, or to at least discourage my inquiry. I didn’t expect the sigh of resignation, or the small white flame to ignite in her palm. “Come here, Penny. There’s something I want to show you.” With a skeptical, raised eyebrow I did as requested, joining my mom and politely pretending that the fire didn’t illuminate the fact she had recently been crying. Mama had taught me the importance of tact. Instead I focused on the rectangular object in her hand.

It was a picture frame of all things. Though the picture it held was old and a bit grainy it was in remarkably good condition, probably from having been kept in the Nightosphere and thus shielded from the effects of time. “Mom… is that…?”

It was my mothers, impossibly younger, laughing and cuddling together against a meteor shower backdrop. Mama was squirming a bit, making her left arm a bit blurry, and mom was off-center, clearly trying to level the camera with her telekinesis. As she followed my gaze mom’s smile was fond. Sad. She watched me, not her picture. “That was the first picture we took together, on our first date.”

“The one you two didn’t even know was a date?”

Her laugh was refreshingly free of grief. “Yeah. Your mama was the one who dragged me out there. I wanted to work on my jams, she wanted to prove to me science isn’t lame.”

“Science isn’t lame, mom.”

Her groan was, of all things, affectionate. “You sound just like your mama.”

“One of us has to,” I grumbled.

“Probably, yeah.” She kissed the top of my head. “I’ve kept this picture safe ever since that day. I know we have tons more, and some fancy portraits I still keep finding, but… this one’s special.”

I gazed intently into that picture, at the images of my mothers from before my time, from before there was even a Candy Kingdom. Back when they shared a little cabin by Butterscotch Lake and were still new to trusting anyone, including themselves. I knew how their story began. And I knew how it was going to end, even if mom didn’t yet. “...I miss her,” I whispered.

“I miss her too, Penny. Every day.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, a nervous gesture I knew I inherited from mom. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Even in the dim light of her fire I saw my mother’s suspicious eyebrow. “What did you do and whose soul do I get to suck out?”

“No. No, mom. No soul sucking.”

“Spoilsport.”

“I think you should be with mama.”

Mom could hide a lot of things, but not her grimace. “Penny, we’ve been over this. My place is here. Well, technically it’s in the Nightosphere, but my lair my rules, and right now-”

“Mom,” I interrupted. Rude, I know, but necessary. “I know. You’re the force that stabilizes the Nightosphere, but we both know how enamored Judith is with your job. She would take it over in a heartbeat if allowed.”

“Yeah, and I’m not allowing it.”

“But mom-”

“No, Penelope Abadeer.” she growled out. I wasn’t used to her voice being this firm. Traditionally mama was the firm one, but the topic of the Nightosphere and her role in its existence was a sore one, so I didn’t blame her. “This is a curse. Not one I would inflict on my daughter or my grand daughter. I made my decision-”

“You made your decision back when you thought mama was gonna be with you forever.” Even in the dim light I could see her eyes narrow. “I’m sorry, mom, but we both know it’s true. You never would have agreed if you ever really thought-”

“That was my mistake. End of discussion.” She turned to leave, the flame still ignited in a subtle cue that I was meant to leave with her.

“I talked to Life.” That stopped her, though she didn’t turn back. “And Prismo. In the Time Room.”

Now she turned back. “Are you nuts?! I know my parenting style was always a little lax, but I’m pretty sure your mama would wig out if she heard that!”

I gave her a poignant smile. “No, mom, you’re wigging out. Mama did whatever she had to to solve a problem.” And I’m not my mama, but this would have been a bad time to start poking old wounds. “I know you love me, mom, and I know you love Judith and Uther. You’ve spent your entire life protecting us and Ooo and the memories of everyone you’ve lost, but… they’re just that. Memories. You don’t have to keep doing it.”

“This is my place.” It wasn’t exactly cold, but it was a warning.

“Mom, I love you. You’ve always been there for me. You’re the best mom I could ask for. But I know you miss mama. I have a soulbond too, mom, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose Raak. I only know it would be agony beyond compare.”

“I am contractually obligated-”

“Mom, please. I know you take your legal biz and junk really seriously, but I talked to Life. She said there’s another contract that takes precedence over the one you have with Death. I know you don’t trust him, but Life has only ever been kind. She made sure mama’s soul got to Dead World safely, remember?”

Of course mom would remember. Life almost had to pry her soul out of mom’s claws, could hear the silent screams of a shattered soulbond the rest of the universe was deaf to. But she had escorted mama to the highest tier of Dead World herself, granting her safe and smooth passage. Death may have been bitter that mom was proficient in tricking him out of what was rightfully his, but Life held nothing in her heart but love.

I expected mom to ask about the secondary contract, to press me for details I would have loved to give but didn’t know myself. Perhaps she sensed a non-disclosure agreement, or perhaps, deep down, she really just wanted an excuse to try. Regardless- “...One year.”

“Mom?”

She sighed, the warm tone returning to her voice. It never could stay away for long. Not when it came to me. “Give me one year to think about it.”

I smiled and ran over, hugging her tightly. She returned the embrace. It was the best I was going to get out of her right now. Besides, what was a year to an immortal. “Thank you.”

As it would turn out, the decision would not take a full year. Perhaps mom had requested an audience with Life herself, or perhaps she was just willing to accept True Death after hundreds of years of endless Unlife. Regardless, to grand ceremony and press release she had turned over the chaos amulet to my daughter who, despite having been thoroughly exposed to the worst the Nightosphere - and the job itself - had to offer thrived in a way that would make my grandfather proud. Though she and her brother would mourn her loss they, too, were adults and understood that she had existed and done her job, had even saved Ooo itself more than a handful of times, and now the time had come to reap her reward and go home.

Letting go was always difficult for mom. For a woman who often professed that everything changed and that control was an illusion she tried awfully hard to hold on to the past. I was proud of her. Too proud to send her off alone. It was for that reason I ignored her wishes to spend her last night on Ooo alone at mama’s grave. Instead we sat together under the meteor shower, just the three of us, though one of us was silent while she and I exchanged our farewells and promises to be together again one day, when Death’s scythe would inevitably come for me. Though I had inherited mama’s effective immortality I never shared her wish to use it. She never understood that. Mom did.

Speaking of which.

“Mom?”

“Yes, mein Schatzi?”

I hummed, looking up at the night sky. I had grown accustomed to seeing mom without a suit, had gotten used to carrying the weight of her axe strapped to my back. But there was one thing I hadn’t gotten used to, and never would. “Before you go home to mama… will you sing for me? Like when I was a little girl?”

Mom smiled, a real one this time. “Come here, Penny.”

Perhaps it was silly. I was hundreds of years old myself and queen of the most powerful kingdom in the world besides, but I would never say no to a lullaby from my mom. Just as I did when I was a little girl I slid into her arms, letting my head rest against her shoulder as my eyes closed. As she stroked my hair she sang, soft and gentle, filling my mind with idyllic scenery and finding that which was once lost. She sang of gardens and home, of the promise that everything stayed even if it changed. Though I didn’t mean to, I cried into her shoulder, not hard but softly and effortlessly.

I pulled away when her song was finished, kissing her cheek. I was ready. “Thanks, mom.” Her smile was knowing, more like the one I knew than the strained one that had taken its place since mama’s death. It said what we were both thinking: We both needed that. “Take care of mama until I join you both, okay?”

“There’s still time to ask me not to, you know.”

I nodded. “I do know. Please do it anyway. I know how much you love me and the children, but I think if you leave mama alone for too long up there she’ll disassemble Dead World, and then we’ll have something worse than the Night released on Ooo.”

She snickered. “Natch. Your mama’s nuts. You should watch out for that, pretty sure it’s hereditary.”

“You’re both nuts. Fortunately, the two cancel one another out.” With one last hug I stood, leaving her beside mama’s resting place. “Safe journeys, mom. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

I felt the telekinetic force of her hug. “I love you too, Penny. If you need me I’m pretty sure you can convince Life to let me visit.”

“I’m sure I could. With that said, you and mama prepared me adequately. We’ll be fine. Go home, mom. Sheesh.”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes at me. “Fine, fine. Get out of here. I promised your mama I’d never stake myself, but the sun’ll be up soon.”

There was nothing more to be said, and I wouldn’t want her final moments to be worrying about mentally scarring me with her True Death. “Alright, mom. Just one more thing.”

Before she died mama had taught me the secret of how she was able to get a picture with mom if vampires couldn’t be reflected in mirrors, and when I produced her small mirrorless camera she knew exactly what I wanted. Just as she always did, she obliged me.

When mom passed she did so at mama’s side, and at peace.

#bubbline #fan fic #adventure time

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junaou · 4 years ago

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𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋.

Brain worms said ‘go write Junao’s relationship call!’ so here I am, writing this relationship call. Please come and cherish this man. Or pick a fight, whatever’s your thing. Now, as of writing Junao is not in FGO servers outside of JP yet, so there are some spoilers regarding LB4 and all that. These are things I can usually leave out in normal threads/convos, but deeper social links would require me to prod into some of those topics. Tread carefully!

(This ended up being long. Like, really long. I’m so sorry.)

Like this post or reply with the number corresponding to the ideas below that you think would jive well with Junao and your muse. By default I’ll use Tumblr’s messaging system, but if you don’t prefer that/have other options my Discord ID is also available for the taking - just ask! I’ll also make sure to send any memes I find interesting, poke you when the brainworms come out, etcetera.

01. GENERAL IMPRESSIONS.

Junao is a very pleasant person to be around, and chances are most would find him to be good company - especially if this is their first meeting with the guy. Small talk is a good start to being acquainted with him! Most of the time he’ll just be there to point out things, maybe lend a hand or two.

But at the same time one might notice that a lot of this is very surface level. Less mimicry and more detached if anything, like floating clouds. His optimistic behavior will always be directed at others. Junao is a god, an observer with no personal preferences. He doesn’t really feel emotional about a lot of things, so chances are you’re not gonna get a rise out of him: he’ll just simply disagree or agree, and move on.

02. OCCASIONAL CURIOSITIES.

His world came into a standstill during ancient times. He might be aware of new innovations and modern changes thanks from Chaldea’s database or due to the circumstances of his summoning, but knowing and actually experiencing these things are two very different things. A lot of the environment is bound to catch his attention - whether it is about the urban horizon or the noise of arcade machines down the street. Junao would be up to trying out pretty much anything, so it’s really easy to entertain his questions or drag him into participating activities.

03. ARTS & CRAFTS.

Creation and destruction are his domains as a god, but creating stuff with merely the use of his Authority wasn’t very fulfilling at all. There’s joy in the process itself, so even back in Chaldea he had been trying to create with conventional means. The end result isn’t as perfect, of course, but he still finds it fun regardless. The nature of the craft can vary, from carving wood to folding origami or even assembling model kits! Chances are if you find him in a shop he would be looking for DIY items to try out.

04. DIVINITY.

Junao’s status as a god is quite strange. He wasn’t born as one and he wasn’t supposed to become one. Needless to say, his current performance as a god is…well, it’s not quite stellar. Of course it’s not like he hasn’t communed with gods in the past - his father is one after all. But all of his prior experiences have been under the position of one who followed and worship them. Now that he walks among them, he’s not quite so sure. Anyone who also happened to be a god in their own world would be of interest to him, just to know how it is like for them to have divine inhumanity in their blood. He has to realize that not every god shares his emotional detachment.

05. TO PURGE ALL EVIL.

He inherited the majority of his divine aspect from Kalki, one who is said to cleanse the world of all evil. In his hopes and dreams for a perfect world he tried to remove all known sources of it, only to end up going overboard. (Overboard is an understatement.) Now aware of this flaw, Arjuna has narrowed down his definition to anyone who threatens those close to him, which is a good starting point! So uh, don’t mess with them or you’ll have to face the wrath of a god.

That being said, he’s aware that figuring out the complexities and the nuances between good and evil is something he needs a better grasp on, something that would take an eternity for one to learn. There are some things that he can easily consider to be evil of the bat, but the moral grey is something he needs to face directly and address if he wanted be do better at his job.

06. I HAND YOU MORE YEARNING.

“How enviable. That is truly the form of a human. They continue to struggle even as ugly as they are. They act valiantly, but they continue to tremble in fear. They cry out saying they don’t want to die, and yet risk their lives to save another. Something inside me insists… ‘I want that. I want to be that.’”

Gods use humans as their proxies, but men do not become gods. Arjuna Alter’s existence is an anomaly, one that breaches this rule. And yet, no matter what happens, his status as a god shall never change. He can no longer return to become human again. That is why he looks at humans from a distance - in all their beauty and ugliness, their strength and their love and their passion, the way they rise and fall and rise again. Longing for something he has discarded.

07. BY CONTINUING TO QUESTION.

So. Remember what I said about him being a god with no preferences, detached from all forms of desire and emotion?

Now throw all of that out of the window.

Arjuna is an imperfect god. Beneath all these layers of divinity, underneath the functions and the code, therein lies a human soul. One that by all means should have disappeared into the void once he has absorbed nearly every god and yet despite everything he has retained his individuality. Call it a paradox or a miracle, but this is something that can only be achieved by those we call heroes.

Of course this is something that not everyone would be privy towards, but if one pursues a closer relation with Junao it is inevitable that one would end up unearthing these aspects. This personality may be muted, but there are just simply things that he cannot help but react towards. What sides would resurface would depend on specific interactions, however. After all, Arjuna is human, possessing positive and negative traits in equal measure.

07A. WHITE. Bonds are important to Arjuna, whether it is from friends or from family. He is devoted to those who trust and respect him, and those he has grown to trust and respect in return. He still loves his theatrics, whether it’s showing off a skill or just being plain dramatic, and is a willing participant when it comes to competition. He’s no longer afraid of expressing himself, and thus any smile or sign of gratefulness is the genuine thing.

07B. BLACK. He is not above pettiness or resentment. One cannot easily forget pride and honor, and he would come to rise in his own defense or on others when necessary. There are things that are still capable of riling him up, such as injustices that he cannot find himself to forgive. While he is trying to rid himself of his perfectionism, a part of it still exists, and he might find himself going overboard when blinded by emotion. As much as he would deny it, there are things he has begun to question - about his destiny, about his dharma, things he would claim to be unfair despite declaring himself as the greatest sinner of them all.

07C. BHAGAVAD GITA. And herein lies the root of his existence, the point where the fates of the Berserker Arjuna has diverged from the Archer Arjuna. His decision to absorb all gods was a decision rooted in the deepest depths of despair. It was the overabundance of suffering and moral dilemma that has had him think that it would be better to feel nothing at all, and why he has given up his emotions and personality. Why he forgot what was he supposed to fight for in the first place.

He still cannot confront them, after all this time. To face it head on is to have it break down all the walls he has built up for millennia, and no matter when it occurs he would not be ready for that backlash. He has failed in where the Archer Arjuna succeeded, and he is full aware that to acknowledge them again would break him. It has already broken him before.

What lies beyond the song of gods? I do not know. But eventually he has to go back there again, to that time where he has sacrificed everything for nothing. And when he does, he needs to find an answer. May you help him find that, no matter what it may be.

If you have reached this part of this post…congratulations! And thank you so much for reading this up to the end. Of course, I am also open to any ideas that aren’t listed here. Feel free to poke me on messages, plotting is fun and good.

#isola rp ad #isola relationship call #isola plotting call #「・」 TRIVIAL #'how long did this take you' too long #slaps this monstrosity of a post into your dashboard

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overthinkingfandom · 5 years ago

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A song analysis for the promo

The series have been setting Varian and Cass as mirrors of each other's for a while now. Their arcs are very similar, with the major difference between them being where each is right now on their arcs. Cassandra is in a position that reflects Varian's during season 1. In fact, it can be argued that s3!Varian is talking to his past self just as much as he's talking to Cassandra.

With that in mind, we can learn from the song a lot. Both about Varian's current mindset and what went through his mind during s1.

Here are the most accurate words I found so far. Credit to TakuShinobi on the discord server with some tweaks from me.

[VARIAN] You have so much to hold on to

[CASSANDRA] I only want my rightful dues

[VARIAN] Listen please, you’ve lost your grip- And lost your mind All’s not lost don’t be so blind Cut your losses Drop the I-owe-you's Oooh, choose It’s time for you to choose You can stop turning off the screws(?)

[CASSANDRA] Lose, I’m not gonna lose I refuse, I refuse I lose no tears and lose no sleep What I want I’ll take and keep You can start turning up the screws(?)

If we look at Varian's verses, we see they reinforce what we saw of his character so far this season. He's feeling guilty and ashamed but more than that he's feeling regretful. He can no longer relate to the thought process that went through his head during s1, calling it crazy, but at the same time, he does show that he still understands the reasoning as to why he slipped into that mindset. Considering he generally shows a pretty good self-awareness, the reasons he states are likely spot on.

It's interesting to note that what he blames his past self of isn't being malicious or selfish, but of being "blind". A fault that's mostly rooted in lack of knowledge, whether by voluntary ignoring it or just genuinely not noticing.

He goes on to advocate giving up, which on the surface seems to go against his personality. When Varian sets himself a goal he just goes and does it, no matter what anyone says about it or the odds against him. It's both his greatest strength and flaw and without it, it's highly unlikely that events would've happened as they did.

By condemning that trait, it could show a healthy understanding of what went wrong in s1, but considering everything else we know both about his current situation and his personality, it's far more likely to be a sign of self-loathing. Especially considering that's basically the only logical thing to have fueled his redemption as it was presented in the show.

On a bit more positive, the last line of his verse seems to indicate that he feels like he has made the choice to act better, or at the very least that he's capable of choosing that change rather than considering himself inherently bad or irredeemable. So it seems like he at least made some progress from the premiere not that it says much considering just how bad his headspace was at the time.

His line about having so much to hold on to is also indicative of a better mindset. Whether those things are his family, friends, hopes or anything else, it shows that he's once again connected to the world. A big part of the problem in s1 was just how isolated Varian was, to the point he was desperate just to be heard.

If we continue down our road of assuming Varian is metaphorically speaking to his past self as well as literally speaking with Cass, then it stands to reason that her verses can stand in for s1 Varian's mindset

The most obvious is the absolute refusal to give up on the goal (losing) and the amount of determination displayed, which is part of what made him such an effective villain.

(And the word choice of "refuse" is very fitting here. Varian overcame crazy odds all by himself that most anyone else would've shied away from rather than contemplate seriously.)

The rest of the verse indicates that Varian used both the work and the persona he built at the time to repress his emotional turmoil, rather than "losing tears". Considering how over the top he acted it says rather interesting things about him, since the behavior we saw on display was mostly the one he chose rather than his 100% real responses to the situation. He was given the option of playing a type of character as an "armour" against both his emotional turmoil and against his opponents and he chose a hammy persona that loved to gloat. The kind of person that everyone notices because he makes them pay attention to him. It's a power fantasy with two aspects, the first of being in control and the second of being heard. Meaning Varian felt like he was neither in control nor heard when he desperately wanted to be.

The line about "rightful dues" is a reaction born of a feeling of injustice and distrust that any others would come help and so he must achieve justice by his own actions.

Varian very much displayed that kind of mindset in s1. He was angry about a lot of things, most of which can be summed up with "it's not fair", and he was disillusioned about every authority figure in his life in a very short period of time. Add in how his support network collapsed overnight and that he had to deal with a hostile city in the form of Corona and the result is him developing a him vs. the world mindset.

And there are of course s3 Varian's hindsight about his behaviour with the line "Hope’s not lost don’t be so blind". Desperation was a major motivating factor in Varian's actions. As the number of his options decreased, his willingness to go to extremes increased. But what this line tells us that at one point or another Varian outright lost all hope.

In exactly what context is a bit fuzzy. It's possible that over time he internalized Quirin's encasement as permanent to the point some part of him considered his dad outright dead. If so it's possible to read his actions both in a self-destructive light and desperation to avoid confronting the fact that (in his mind) he killed his own dad. Another possibility is that Varian lost hope in himself, in the possibility that he would ever get to go back to a normal life with his dad so it didn't matter just how bad what he had to do was, since he was already lost anyway.

Assuming the moment that's being held up as a mirror to Cass in this ep is SotS, it would mean that he lost hope sometime before that.

It tells us a few things about Varian. One is that even without hope his determination doesn't falter. Meaning that even Varian can't stop himself if there's even the smallest chance of still achieving his goal, even if he lost his belief. So far the only thing that we saw that actually caused Varian to stop pursuing a goal is when that goal was proven literally impossible.

It also casts a lot of his actions in SotS in a new light. Everything we saw there was basically a hail mary even the first time around, but when taken with the information that he lost hope at some point before then a level of self destructiveness, or at the very least carelessness with his self and the consequences that can come on him as a result. Not enough to compromise his goal, that's not how Varian works, but enough to leak into everything else.

And now there's another awful layer to his meltdown. It's not just that his last solution, his last shred of possibility of hope, was destroyed. It was that his hopelessness was validated, that all that bad stuff his hopelessness caused him to think was true. In some ways, this is worse, because in addition to all the stuff he was repressing slapping him in the face he also had all the implications of his failure growing and festering in the back of his mind for a while now.

#tangled the series #tts #tts meta #varian #tts spoilers #transcribing discord adventures #song analysis

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itspileofgoodthings · 5 years ago

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Hi!!! I really miss you and am so sorry I've been MIA. One of many brilliant posts you've written talks about how you find Pam so eminently relatable that it almost feels as if someone insulting Pam is insulting your own core character traits. I was hoping you could elaborate on the ways in which you're similar to Pam?! As you've already deduced, I'm very Pam-esque in certain ways as well :)

Hi!! It’s totally okay! I’m just about to be MIA (and wanted to get to this first!)–it’s just part of tumblr. Time works differently here and you can not talk to me for 6 months or 4 years and then pick right back up where we left off and I’ll still remember you and be excited!

It’s interesting. I don’t think that I’m personally very much like Pam. Not on the surface- I’m not as quiet as her, I’m not good at art, I’m not that dry- and not really deep down either. But I’m incredibly protective and defensive of her and I do take it personally when people dislike her.

There’s this period of the show- seasons 1-3- where we see Pam in light of her love story, through Jim’s eyes so to speak. Not in a creepy male-gaze-y way or whatever- just, filtered through the way he feels about her. She’s kind of lit by his longing and it gives her this quality of radiance. She glows, she’s beautiful. Because we’re seeing her the way that he sees her. Again- I really want to reiterate that I don’t think this is a bad or sexist thing and, in fact, the office is one of the best shows I’ve ever seen for not sexualizing its female love interest. I mean it more on an emotional level. And it’s part of what makes it great and so powerful.

But then Jim and Pam get together and the show moves away from the will-they won’t-they aspect of their relationship and into more stable territory. It’s not that she loses that glow exactly or that Jim falls out of love with her but it changes. The narrative shifts. Their love story settles and deepens and that element of golden longing isn’t there anymore in the same heightened, breathless way. And then we have to get to know Pam as a person and, like everyone, she has faults–realistic, ordinary flaws.

And I’ve observed that quite a few people can NOT handle this change. They resent that the glow is gone and so they turn on her. I don’t mean to overgeneralize and I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to dislike Pam without being sexist monsters. I’m just saying- in my own personal observation I think people turn on her because she goes from being not an object of desire necessarily but the one who IS desired and just becomes, narratively speaking, more her own person. And some people don’t like to see it and they lash out. And that is really frustrating to me.

I take it personally not because it’s happened to me but because it’s a deep fear of mine. If I’m forcing myself to not be self-deprecating, I know that I am good at first impressions, so to speak. I come on strong, I am capable of delighting and bewildering, maybe even dazzling on first meeting–(and I mean platonically and interpersonally more than I mean romantically). But that initial first impression doesn’t last because it can’t. People have to get to know me and in some ways I am nothing like my first impression. Sometimes they like what they find and sometimes they don’t and I’m truly NOT trying to make myself sound like a victim here but the point is: I am afraid of people getting tired of me. I’m afraid of them discovering the darker sides of me or, if I’m really honest, just the much more annoying sides of me. The weak and petty and small-minded and dull and obsessive parts. And I’m scared that they will think I’m all flash and no substance.

It’s much more a fear than a reality–I have no cases to point to where this has happened to me. I’m just afraid of it sometimes. And so when people talk about how they “used to like Pam but now she’s the worst” I wince and take it personally.

#meant-to-be-waiting-for-me #the office #pam beesly #about me #this is intense but it's been a long time coming i think #anyway i hope all is well with you!!!!#i think of you often <3

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praphiteyes · 5 years ago

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Doctrine made simple (I hope:)

HI! :)

This will be a quick overview of what I believe to be the basics of Christianity. I say this while also acknowledging that there are many ways to view one’s path with Christ. I am not saying that this is the only way to view it, but if someone wants to know what my personal (Praphit Productions) views on the matter are, or if you'd like a clear start for your own beginning with Christ, here it will be, plainly laid-out for you:

Two parts! #1 Belief and #2 carrying it out.

We'll start with "Belief" as if it were a book, and roll with chapter one (of 4) - "God, baby!"

Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Hebrews 11:6 -

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Everything starts with faith. No matter what it is that you believe, it starts there. Obviously, when dealing with religion, we're talking about the very foundation of your motivation for life.

God --- Belief -

1) The Trinity - there are plenty of scriptures referencing the Godhead. Jesus refers to "The Father" as well as "The Spirit" within the gospels. Understand that we can not understand this, we can only continue to gain understanding on this subject. I'm simplifying (perhaps even oversimplifying) in order to keep this as quick as possible, plus it's better for you to study for yourself.

FATHER = The Plan SON = the words of that plan SPIRIT = the power behind that plan

Yep, definitely oversimplifying:) As you walk with the Lord, you will understand what I’m talking about.

All three are "God" - the holy one, the creator of all, the ruler of all, the alpha, the omega, love itself, our joy, our wisdom, our peace, healing, Savior, King, righteousness, wrath, judgment, forgiveness, grace, mercy, the almighty, I could go on and on and on throughout eternity, if what's swells up within me as I think of God could be expressed in words.

They are one and yet different, as we are to be ("made in His image").

This life thing is God's house. The earth, the universe, the multiverse (if you'd like to take it there:) EVERYTHING! All people, the laws of life, the fabric of life, EVERYTHING IS BY HIM, THROUGH HIM, AND FOR HIM.

He shouldn't even really be seen as "he" as we think of a "he". Doing so actually tarnishes the "He". God is not a gender. God is not a race. God is light.

In the story of EVERYTHING, God is the main character. This is all about Him; I can't stress that enough:)

Sin --- Belief -

2) Sin is damning.

I can remember talking with an atheist about sin. He told me that he does not believe in sin. I retorted with "What do you call all of this nonsense we see in the news everyday?" He replied "That's just people being evil." I said "Yeah, sin." We all know what sin is, no matter how we choose to say it. Sin is not only "evil" actions, but on a spiritual level, it's like a prison. For example, lying will always lead to more lying.

Sin can also be psychological, and lead to destructive, generational patterns. Sin is erring from God's purpose for our lives. If you turn to Genesis, in the bible (Adam & Eve), you can read all about sin and the effects thereof, and you can see how it damages our relationships. You can see how it'll have us hiding from God, ourselves, and each other. You can see the curse that it brings. Call it what you will, but sin is a virus that we're all susceptible to. It's all over the place, and it's sticky, smelly, and nasty.

Blood --- Belief -

3) What does the blood of Jesus mean for us?

Before I can answer this question, I must remind you that the belief in God and in the concept of sin are foundational. This is literally God's world, and to sin is when we act contrary to His plan and the rules of His world - with this in mind, let us look at that famous scripture John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Let's break down this statement:

1) “God” - Think of what we covered in the section about God.

2) 'loved the world' - Don't think of 'love' as you have experienced it, because that's probably screwed up. I don't say that as anything against you; it's screwed up for most of us. Few people (or no one) live (and have always lived) in a community, where ALL of the people are all in on you; exhibiting the natures of this scripture - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails."

Even our view of what we'd like love to be is flawed, because we haven't always been covered in a powerful, nurturing, and guiding environment. I'm not even talking about some fanciful, never-ending fountain of good vibes either. Our God, our Father, our Friend is also our King. I used the word "guiding" above. This word comes with it discipline and sometimes, unpleasantness.

I've given you enough here on God's love to help you begin to see the surface of His love. If I try to frame it for you more than that at this time, it would be a disservice.

Now take the word "world" from that scripture and think of us - ALL OF US, no matter our backgrounds or where we come from.

3) 'He gave His one and only Son'

This is sacrifice (what true love is) from God the Father and God the Son. It is spoken this way in scripture for the benefit of our understanding. We can grasp sacrificing for those we love. The "only" is also important for us to capture the tone of this event on the cross.

4) Now the Blood - "that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

We choose to believe in what Jesus was/is about or not. The prerequisite of following God is His sacrifice, which is His blood poured out for us at the cross. This being God's world, He calls for offerings in repentance of sin (which included the blood of animals for quite some time). This is also a glimpse into how God views life in general (blood being a God-given life force). The blood of approved animals was good enough only to delay the wrath/effects of sin. There needed to be a pure offering - not from animals or even humans, but from God Himself. There's a lot to believe there, which is why you must first believe in God and sin.

But, I think it is logical to believe in God. Even if you go with the Big Bang theory, there are still unanswered questions as to where everything came from and why. There are still things that scientists argue over and still have questions over. We'll acknowledge that there are wonders of the world (or universes) that we haven't even began to look into. Science itself is based off of what can be proven. If you are to live only by what is proven, then scientifically speaking, you must accept that there are things not yet proven. Therefore, God should at least be considered a possibility. Which is more silly - to believe in God or to believe that everything just kinda formed on its own with no real reason why?

All of the human elements to how the bible was formed, how we interpret it, and a whole lot of things going on with the Church are very much flawed - agreed. But, if we separate all of that mess from the notion of God, it's quite believable, I think.

And as for "sin", we may use different names for it, but the evil going on in this world is very real.

This step is simply believing that God would make a way for us to follow Him. Or at least... this is half of the step to following Him - believing in His ways and what Jesus did on the cross for us. The second half is what we'll cover next - The Resurrection.

4) Resurrection --- Belief -

Some may say that believing a person can be raised from the dead is crazy. Again, without taking into consideration of the beliefs above, I'd understand them saying that. But, if we're already believing in the powerful creator who fuels life as we know it, then all of the rules of logic change.

Jesus' resurrection is a banner of victory - against our sin (that put Him in the grave), against the curses of sin (which includes physical death), and against Satan (who if you read through the scriptures, has been manipulating things behind the scenes). No, the devil never makes you do anything, but he's certainly cheering you on towards all of the wrong directions.

The resurrection is the second half of following Christ, because this victory that I'm speaking of is the new life for the believer.

A life with hope to leave your past (and the effects thereof). A life of hope to live with power (by the Holy Spirit's guidance) over sin, curse, and the devil. A life with a relationship with God, and an eventual home with Him for eternity.

I know, that's all very spiritual, so allow me to explain in broader terms (stay with me:)

We believe that God is the pure form of things like love, joy, peace, wisdom, etc. A belief to walk in those traits/ideals is enough to lead many out of their own darkness. Many people feel a sense of condemnation/shame/insecurity in their place in life. A belief in this new life with God can lead one away from the effects from that type of negativity (and the cycle of destruction that it can bring) and lead to transformation into those pure qualities. Like I said earlier, people are flawed, so churches can use this in all kinds of cultish ways, but that doesn't make what I'm saying any less pure. I'll get into how to avoid those cultish dangers later.

The cross/blood offers forgiveness and redemption and a power to look ahead, and the resurrection/our belief and new life with God offers power. A power of all of those pure Godly qualities being poured over your life, and hopefully into the lives of those that you encounter.

But, it's all a matter of belief (going back to John 3:16 - "those who believe in Him"). Believing in the ways/ministry of Christ, believing in His sacrifice at the cross (and its effects), and believing that He rose again, ascended into Heaven (not being covered in this post - you'll have to do some reading:), and that by His victory we have access to a relationship with Him (through the Holy Spirit) - a life of power, love, and hope.

The simplest way I can put the Holy Spirit's involvement is that He's our connection. He's like our WiFi to the goodness of God.

I know all of this is a lot. I'll speak in more practical terms in the next part, but this is all foundational. Think of it like that movie "The Matrix". You have a choice to believe and go as far down the rabbit hole as you'd like, or the choice to ignore everything I'm saying, and continue on with your life as usual.

Now, onto some practical principles to end this post - this stuff is also crucial for a productive Christian walk... and so that the Christian doesn't become a bigot or flat out weirdo:)

5 Keys to church action (”:carrying it out”)

1 - WORD

Jesus is The Word of God. If you want to hang out with Jesus, just hang out with the Bible. I think that the problem that Christians run into is relying solely on knowledge of God; and honestly, we don't believe that we need too much of that either. Walking with God is very much like getting to know any of person. Yes, you require knowledge to know them, but doing life with them to gain an understanding of them is crucial. There are those who have been married for decades, and will still tell others that they're still trying to get to know their spouse. Imagine trying to get to know God. But, there are two extremes (and most are somewhere in-between):

Those who believe knowledge alone is enough, and those who only rely on a little bit of knowledge to make their judgment. Again, let's go back to getting to know a person. I could read about many people, but that wouldn’t mean that I know them. The information that I read is limited, and there's a lot of interpretation to merely hope that you'd get right. And if you're not even willing to go the mile for the knowledge, then there's really no hope that you'll ever know the person, right??

A lot of Christians that I meet are not truly hungry for knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of God. They'll be content with having the Sunday preacher feed them a little bit, once a week; this makes another point, that The Word is our food. How healthy do you think you'd be if you only ate once a week??

Lastly, as if with any type of book club (church is more than a book club, but in this context it works), everyone gets a chance to add their two cents. Everyone gets to participate in the conversation of understanding what they've all been reading.

Where a lot of churches mess up, is not allowing certain topics to come up, not allowing certain stances to be challenged or at least disagreed with, and not allowing for different perspectives.

When churches shutdown conversation (or limit it), then it can easily become a cult; it can easily become a place of discrimination. The Church can and should know where it stands on certain issues, but disagreements and different perspectives are paramount for our development as a whole. Talking things out is what human beings do in communities. Shutting down and limiting conversation is unnatural; that's how you end up with Christians who feel like robots.

Now, if someone is saying something totally crazy or harmful, then yes, of course, that gets shut down. People also need a sense of authority. But, it has to be an authority who cares for the people, and the people need to feel as though they may freely express themselves.

Three things:

a) We are all called to be students of The Word.

b) Daily meals of the Word will keep us healthy, as Christians.

c) Creating a culture of open, safe, non-judgmental conversation in a church should be seen as foundational.

2 - WORSHIP

When I use the word "worship", I do not mean simply singing songs together or the latest gospel album that was just released. Music is obviously part of worship, but the true meaning of worship is that we are lifting up every aspect of our lives to Christ. It all comes down to what our motivations are as individuals and definitely as a congregation.

You can usually get a sense of a church's motivation by watching what's happening on the stage, on Sunday mornings.

There's a whole lot of false purity going on, on the stage. Sometimes, people are motivated by pride, or greed, or insecurity, or power, etc. If incorrect motives of worship are in the leadership, then those same motives will creep into the congregation as well.

The leadership should all being living lives that lift up Christ (leaving room for grace, of course). The leadership should be producing a congregation that lifts up Christ. And the time of worship/word (even in the events and small groups through the week) should be all about lifting up Christ. Remember what I said about God - it's all about Him. He's really the only One who should be elevated on that stage.

Now, there's a dangerous flip side to what I am saying. What a life of worship looks like can become a mold in the congregation. This mold can be used for self-righteousness, condemnation towards others, and insecurity for others. This mold can be used to manipulate. But, again, what's the motivation in the church. The motivation shouldn't be to create a place that makes any one people group feel comfortable. The motivation shouldn't be to get everyone acting and thinking exactly the same (not in this context - in this context that's a cult). God created all of us differently, and these differences should be celebrated and honored. Within worship there is love. There's love for God, love for what He has called us to do, love for life, and love for each other. If any of that love is lacking, then I question if there's any pure worship going on.

3 - Evangelism -

Wow, that's an old-timey word, that could not be more Christianese. What I, personally mean by that word is broadcasting the goodness of God; this can be done in a variety of ways (here are only some):

a) faithfully performing the job/career that you believe God has called you to b) preaching the Word c) raising a family in the Word and in the way you believe God has called you to d) enduring trials of life in a Godly manner e) discipleship (which I'll talk about next) f) encouraging other believers in faith g) serving the needs of the community h) praying for others i) sharing your stories of faith with others

and so many more.

It used to be believed by many, that you must beat people over the head with the bible in order to be considered to be one who evangelizes, but to keep it simple, it's just sharing with others what God has blessed you with.

4 - Discipleship -

Here is another churchy word (and we've got one more after this to cover). This word simply means “to train”. Back in the day, it was a training that came along with living life with a teacher for a period of time. We are used to going to a scheduled class and then going back to our lives, where we'll study hard or not (probably "not" right??). But, discipleship, back then, was more like consuming a certain subject. In the religious realm, it was seeing the teachings lived-out firsthand. The 12 disciples (and other students of Jesus) got to follow Jesus around and experience not only His teachings, but His life for 3 years.

We obviously live in too busy of times to disciple people like that now. Discipleship, today, looks more like a community of people pouring out their life experiences into one another. At any church, you've got people who have great experience in all kinds of helpful areas - from the bible to stuff around the house to mechanics to economics to science to arts - there is so much that we can learn from one another.

Being a Christian is not simply staying in your room praying, reading your bible, and singing songs. Being a Christian is about living the life that God has designed us to live. I know that statement can rub people the wrong way, but that's because we are so used to corruption. Our default is cynicism. We can't fathom someone completely having our best interest in mind. We can't comprehend going in, fully in servitude to anyone, because we know people in general to be jerks. We assume that following God means that we have to give up our dreams and desires (which is not true btw) So, we're taking all of that skepticism, fear, insecurity, and resentment, and pointing them in the direction of God. It's ok to question the motives of people. It's ok to work towards trust when it comes towards people. And it's also very human to work our way towards trust in God.

The difference between building up trust in people and trust in God is that people are always going to let us down; even people who love us dearly will let us down. God will never let us down. God has literally designed us, so following God will never be a let down; difficult for sure, but not a let down in certainty.

For example, I am a creative person. I believe God wants me using my creative ability in every day life to serve and nurture people. I do this and I feel fulfilled. It's not a burden for me to be creative. Now, to be clear, my overall path with God will definitely lead me down some areas of discomfort and trials and tragedy. But, those things come mainly from living in this screwed up world we have, and not due to doing the things God has designed me to do.

Discipleship is being open to receive training as well as offer it to those in need. We all have areas in which we're strong and areas in which we are weak. The way that discipleship is supposed to work is that we all feed each other, and so all are fed.

5 - Fellowship -

All that this fancy word means is to build community. I put emphasis on the word "build", because as you should know, relationships take work. Think of the amount of work, energy, and even money that go into keeping your family together, healthy (in all ways), and focused. How much more effort do you think it should take to build and keep a whole community; that's what fellowship means - that effort put in.

You won't see any thoughts on typical church arguments written about in this post:

homosexuality, abortion, sex before marriage, drugs, music, money, etc.

I view most of these as secondary to one's walk with Christ and with each other. A lot of these issues, and others come down to how one interprets scripture. We argue over context, intent, translations, and Lord knows what else, and all the while people (and their needs) in congregations and communities are going unnoticed. True worship, in the midst of our nonsense does not happen. People aren't properly fed the word. People aren't properly trained in Christ. Religion can become a lot like politics, where we fight each other while a larger enemy is destroying us all. Like I said earlier, a healthy church is one that is open to talking about all of the important issues, viewing all different perspectives, and seeking to grow in understanding.

Regardless on how all of that shakes out (if it's happening at all), our main mission as a church is to love. We love God, which is to consume His word, obey as best we can (in grace of course), and continue to grow in the knowledge of Him. And to love one another is to truly pursue to serve, honor and get to know one another; that we would put the effort in to building and sustaining our communities.

#gospel #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #Church #Jesus #doctrine #discipleship #religion #evangelism #bible #fellowship #community #faith #understanding #praphit #inspiration #learning

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kazushuu · 5 years ago

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🍍🍊🥝 for both of those sweet boys

o lord this ended up long. read more time!

🍍 : how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height, weight, strength, and body type? how important is being attractive to them?

“ …occupying myself with such things is nothing but baggage. ”

he says, but it’s only half true. appearances (and identity itself) is completely neutral for him. not uncomfortable, but not really confident and proud either. however if he had to pick, he is often bothered with things below his neck more.

he’s not bothered about his height, necessarily. but his strength is a bothersome thing. chemistry equipment like machinery is usually heavy, and so carrying those things around is a hassle. he sorta expressed his desire to be stronger in a usual creepy manner when talking about mantis shrimp.he is almost always cold and rigid because he’s underweight, and paired with medication, he’s generally a very dizzy.

…he fully knows that he’s responsible for his own health, but completely reinventing his lifestyle– even though he’d definitely be even more productive and beneficial if he were healthy– is just an… impossible task, that he can’t tackle right away.

but on another hand, even if he doesn’t voice it, he is very touched and impacted about compliments (usually just acknowledgements) about his voice, and hair, and eyes, and believe it or not, hands, so he’s subtly proud of them. he takes better care of his hair than anything else about his anatomy. and the pretty bow that he always has in his hair is very much a conscious decision.

kazuaki picked up on this fact and compliments shuu on his butt and thighs in hopes that he’ll enhance them too but to no avail, shuu always hides them under discreet coats. damn u shuu

he isn’t really self conscious about his scarring. he is worried that kazuaki will be too disgusted to handle it, but soon enough they’re gonna talk about it and their worries will be gone.

summed up, he’s distressed about how vulnerable he unfortunately is, but doesn’t really care about beauty.

“ …………………..n-no, not comfortable. i hate everything, everything about myself! i truly mean it!! i don’t like my height, i don’t like my weight, i don’t like my strength, i don’t like my body type, i don’t like my hair, i don’t like my face, i don’t like my voice, i don’t like my teeth, i don’t like my hands, i don’t like my knees, i don’t like how my hips look, i don’t like how my stomach rolls when i sit down, i don’t like my nose, i don’t like anything, and if if they were visible, i’d hate my organs too.

everything feels wrong… i’m too tall, i don’t want to bring attention to myself, i want to disappear, i’m too fat- but i don’t even really dislike it alone, it’s just a constant reminder of how shitty and sloppy i am with what i put in myself…

i don’t like the lines on my wrists because they are a constant reminder… of hitori.

i like things that are cute and pretty, and i’m neither… even though shuu compliments me, i don’t know how to stop hating myself.

f-freckles! i also have those, i-… i don’t know, they make me look childish, maybe?

…why am i looking for reasons to hate myself??!! why can’t i stop??!!

…i feel like if i met someone nice and kind and friendly, someone whom i’d like, who had the same physical traits as me, i wouldn’t find them ugly, s-so why? ”

yeah. but as he said, he simply feels like a nuisance and clutter of space, because he thinks he has too many flaws without any good things to make up for them. shuu isn’t super vocal, but he actually finds kazuaki’s appearance very endearing. if not too much sometimes. cause you know. kawa-word.

as teeth-gritting as it is, he’s happy to know that shuu is pleased with his appearance, and equally as pleased with the idea to experiment and bruise him, so oddly enough, that’s a small boost to his cripplingly low confidence.

🍊 : does my muse desire romance? is it something they would actively seek out, or prefer to happen more ‘ naturally? ’ what is their love life like? do they have any exes or past flings, or crushes?

“ …i don’t seek anything, no. i have always been married to my work, but, well, it seems that i became sentimental about this… particular quail. i don’t know how it came to this, ” yes he does, all too well, “ but alongside my main husband, kazuaki is very dear to me… and i shall not comment on the last question. ”

obviously shuu needs a lot of time, and some amount of pressure, to awaken some empathy and feelings in him. and when he likes someone, he will develop an entire lobe in his brain dedicated to them. although it has only happened… twice in his life.

his love life is kazuaki, and nothing else.

his feelings towards ryuuji, although on a similar frequency, are much different than kazuaki’s. believe it or not, shuu has a romantic crush on kazuaki, and had one for a long while before they became a couple, but his feelings towards ryuuji are actually platonic. at least, that’s the state that they ended on. if… time went on, they would’ve developed into romanticism as well.

ryuuji can’t really be called a crush, as much as that souma projected his entire being onto him, his present, his future, his little embryo hopes and dreams… he called him his boss, because that’s what he was, but really, souma saw ryuuji as a father figure.

after being robbed of his childhood, ryuuji showed him a glimpse of innocent fun, but was also a role-model in his achievements.

it was unrequited love in a way, but souma didn’t realize the depth of his feelings until much later.

as he said, he saw ryuuji as someone to be admired from below, but kazuaki is someone he can sympathize with, and clings to the fact that they’re in love with all his might.

-sniff-

“ …hitori…hitori is an ex. i don’t know if i love or hate him anymore.

b-but um, um, otherwise… i haven’t really met all that many people in my life, so i don’t know… i always fantasized and dreamed about true love and all that stuff you see in cartoons.

i didn’t really chase after shuu because i wanted him to be my boyfriend, at first. at first, i came to him because i had no one else. not a single person in real life left. shuu was my only acquaintance, and was the only person who didn’t immediately slither away when i tried to be friendly, so i fixated on him with all my might…

…to be my friend. i wanted to be his friend.

a-and i guess at some point, we did, but we never even really acknowledged it, because we only realized it when we decided to take the next step already! so that’s wild! it happened naturally, i guess. um, more naturally than with hitori. and i mean that as, maybe because we didn’t know we were friends, i didn’t latch onto him as obviously as to hitori, when we were 18… we were mostly at a certain distance.

so, i guess, i’ve always been a slow burn, “natural” type, ahah… mnm, when i think about it really hard, maybe i had some aesthetic-based highschool crushes. there was a guy, and a girl, or… there might’ve been two girls, but we never even talked, so… ”

🥝 : does my muse have any ‘ unusual ’ habits, interests, and / or talents? do they hide it, or are they proud of it?

“ I don’t know much about what is considered ‘unusual’ or not. but from reactions and experience, i guess everything about me is called unusual, creepy, suspicious, untrustworthy…mean…disgusting...

but if we put what most birds know on a surface level about me, i guess there are some hidden traits too…

…my interest in marine biology seems to be one. i love it equally as much as i love pathology and research, but i don’t have a reason (or way) to show it as a nurse in a highschool.

…i like cooking? it’s a bit of a shame. i never saw a reason to put effort into it, if it was just gonna be me eating it in the end, but kazuaki seems to like my dinner making skills, so i’ve been doing that more often.

…there…there probably is more, but i can’t remember anything… m-my mind is full of crabs and seafood now, hm. ”

the list of shuu’s habits is endless and the list is always expanding! i have a list of HCs on it in a twitter thread here!

but let’s see, the quirkiest of habits, that are a bit of a secret…

shuu looks really cute when you catch him eating. he is quiet and polite of course but he tends to stuff his cheeks and then just slowly chew looking like a hamster.

shuu stims. he’s never really mobile and never gets hyperactive so those stims are subtle.he fidgets with his (reminiscent) necktie, or any other fabric in hand.he chuckles (and makes.. bird noises) pretty much unawarely and impulsively. those count as stims too.

“ u-uhuu... i dunno... i’ve always been the introverted outcast and no one is interested in me, so that can either mean that i’m painfully average or really weird without meaning to...

...i-i’ve been told that because i work at this prestigious academy, that must mean that my skill...”talent”...for classic and contemporary literature is unusual and exceptional...so i guess that’s unique?

and...um... ” now that he thought about the topic harder, a piling mountain of perverted thoughts came to his mind, “ Y-YEAH THAT’S IT!! THERE IS...NOTHING ELSE! ”

but that’s not true. kazuaki has plenty of hidden traits. one of his interests, although not so secret on this blog, is his love for hatocatch pretty coore, and generally, he loves most childish and energetic anime and games... and interests.

aside from writing, he also really likes drawing, but isn’t very good at it, which prompts him to hate the end results.

he loves astrology, and had a phase where he obsessed over it while studying both art and science related to it... you can probably guess that shuu loves this intellectual side of him.

as for talents, or, uh, lack of thereof, kazuaki can’t whistle, and can’t wink. (shuu can whistle, but he can’t wink either).

and as for a habit and skill, in bird form, kazuaki gets frightened so easily and so frequently, that his quail instinct is desensitized to it and actually doesn’t jump and ram his head into the ceiling when startled, and instead his instinct is to hide below. of course, he’d still jump if something were really (really) sudden. but he’s more likely to hug someone than flee.. upwards.

also, he’s actually really talented at rhythm games... and i won’t tell what else he’s really good at with his fingers.

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thirdmagic · 6 years ago

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giant rambly walls of text post of headcanons and theories and general thoughts on david, roman and solomon ft lots of extrapolation

first of all, i basically think of archer david as like... if 'lazy cheerful mcdonlads loving manchild in a yukata dad' kerry got summoned into the body of his child self and went 'oh wow this is before Everything in my life went horribly wrong it almost feels like all that never happened!!' and got into it enough to try to recreate what he was like as a child. which i realize is a hilariously weird mental image but a close enough comparison. it's just in this case the difference isn't '30 year old and 10 year old (at most)' but '60-70 something very old man and late teens/early twenties'. on the surface level this david is much more David The Humble Nobody Shepherd Boy Who Beat A Giant then David The Anointed Powerful King, because most of the stuff this version draws on in his NP and skills are from this aspect of him. but it's also clearly very much not the same case as other younger/child servants. most younger versions are aware of their older selves and what happens to them in the future but aren't those people and haven't personally experienced these futures. but nearly everything david does talk about, experiences he calls back to, people he talks about, is stuff from his time on the throne. he talks about this time as something that happened to him personally. so this isn't really baby shepherd david even though his servant container draws on these aspects of him, it's David The King in the body of baby shepherd david.

but what i find most interesting, is that he seems to really play into this image/role... like it's a deliberate choice/preference on his part or something consciously cultivated. there's what he says is tamacat's interlude, but also his my room line that outright has him saying 'sure i used to be a king, but don't worry about it, it's whatever, i'm just a shepherd now and i want to take this chance as a servant to be just that'. the impression is that he's very much trying to distance himself from his king-self and that entire part of his life which is... in its own way a lost cause and he probably does this knowing it's a lost cause, given that's what he spent the majority of his life doing and how everything he calls back to is from that life. that shepherd boy is just not the person he is anymore and hasn't been for a long time, but i think that's why he prefers to be summoned in this specific physical form and in this specific class that draws on this part of his life- the servant container/class makes it easier to act the part, to put that undesirable aspect of himself aside. so long as he's not summoned as a king he doesn't need to act like one nor feel like he has the responsibilities of one. and being a king clearly kind of sucked as far as he’s concerned.

now i mentioned before that biblical david is super kerrycore so while i don't know how much fate would even want to incorporate this side of the original version... idk, i'm really into the idea and think it's just potentially super interesting to take this parallel full circle and for david the king to be the figurative equivalent to cold blooded assassin magus killer kerry. it gives extra weight to why he'd want to just put aside this part of his life and lean in fully into a whole other role/identity that has nothing to do with kingship and why he acts Extra carefree and frivolous: because he spent most of his life as everything but that. because he couldn't be this way so long as he acted as king, because the responsibility and the role demanded that he had to suppress this aspect of himself and also that he act in ways he might not have really wanted to even as he understood that it was needed. he was good at doing the dirty and unpleasant stuff and he understood the necessity of it; he had a talent for it, in a sense, even if it wasn't a talent for something he liked or enjoyed. it goes well with him talking about how he dislikes battle in conjunction to how he was a very military focused leader-- something he never wanted to engage in or do, but that the role of the king demanded of him.

because his biblical depiction is from the very start, from the first goliath story, more of a cunning politician and warrior than anything else. he's subtle, sly and calculating, not afraid to get his hands dirty and do undignified things to get where he needs to, and very conscious and aware of all that goes around him, including how he's seen by other people and how he needs to act as if he were in front of an audience. he finds creative and subtle ways to get around most problems, but he also knows when a problem is best solved violently and doesn't hesitate to commit to that solution. (most unlike fate david though, he's also super hot-tempered and fairly quick to Stabbity Stab if someone pissed him off lmao and has to be talked down at least once from Doing A Murder)

this is compounded by how, in general, the narrative very very often leaves us in the dark about what he's really feeling or thinking in a lot of pivotal moments and leaves us often to wonder about his sincerity and true motivations. his story in the bible is essentially the unraveling of this kind of hyper competent and skilled person as he gets more and more exposed to the reader emotionally and personally, as we see more and more of his weakness and vulnerability and his real flawed and imperfect core is revealed. the narrative is at once both critical of him while still remaining firmly on his side and sympathetic towards him, and the main thing that keeps him sympathetic as a character in this way, through his darkest moments and most questionable behavior, is that he's 1) unquestionably devoted to God and nearly flawlessly pious, which is for obvious reasons a significant virtue for both the original writer and the original audience the narrative was meant for, and 2) very good at handling criticism, accepting that he made mistakes, and making amends/fixing things when he needs to. which he does a lot of.

so basically, yeah: ruthless stabby killer who's a clever and sly pragmatist, but also a Sad and vulnerable dad. that's what i meant lmao that's the exact same aesthetic as kerry.

and something you'll find pointed out very, very often by any literary analysis or any analysis at all, is his humanity; it's something that can be ascribed to many, many biblical characters but is applied to him as a defining trait in particular. and that's.... even better and gets even more interesting for fate david specifically when pitted against solomon, the perfect, flawless inhuman king. there's a consistent thematic thread in fate of being an ideal vs being a human being, especially for kings and other types of leaders, and in this context i think you can do a lot with david as someone who, instead of giving in/fully committing to one at the expense of the other, went for a balance between the two-- and struggled with that balance. he succeeded in many ways as a king and was good at it, but in some ways he lost that struggle because he failed to find that balance and gave in to humanity at the worst of times, and it's those moments which led to both his biggest mistakes and his biggest tragedies. it's interesting to me because it's different from the patterns that characters like kerry and saber establish, and it offers a perspective on this dilemma that also explains why people like them commit to this all-or-nothing approach to it.

and it's also interesting to me to compare to solomon, but especially the fact that when put in context-- that god sees david and decides to make solomon the way he is seemingly in response-- the implication is one of a background 'story' that's very consistent to an interesting pattern about god in genesis: that he's always trying out new ways to interact with this world he created through humanity and having to retry after each one attempt doesn’t quite go well. he started with adam and eve and they disobeyed him, when he tried to with all of humanity and when they turned away from him and degenerated morally he had to destroy them all with the flood. then he tried to create this connection/interaction through just one person and then just one nation from this person, and that's how he came to form the covenant with us. humans are constantly ruining his plans and he's constantly having to adjust and try or test new things. and i like the idea that he's also trying to do something similar with the kings and leaders he appointed to this chosen nation; he tried with the judges who were all scattered leaders that couldn't unite the tribes, then tried with saul who was just kind of a weak leader and king in general and couldn't handle it, tried with david, and then looked at him and went, okay, i did pretty well with this one, he's served me well but it's still not what i need. so, god reasons, if his problem is that his humanity was what got in the way then clearly the problem is that i look to humans as my representatives in the world. so clearly i need someone who can interact with humans and the human world as one of them but won't have their flaws. and so that gives us some background to and explains solomon's circumstances.

now in fgo itself the exact circumstances of solomon's birth and why he was born as he was are kind of vague, and i haven't seen anything in materials or other canon sources to elaborate (Dark Nasu, Show Me The Forbidden Solomon Backstory) but the one, somewhat cryptic line we're given to explain is that he was offered by david to god to make him into a greater king than he was. that's not exactly what happened in the original story but not really wrong either. it's a fairly legit and logical take on what happened there imo. what we're told is that god looked at baby solomon and went 'oh yeah, this kid seems pretty legit, i like this one' (when he was already born, not before that), and through a prophet, gives him a second name that literally means 'friend to god'. then, many, many chapters later, when david is old as balls and senile and slowly dying and there's a succession crisis blooming, nathan (who was the one that gave solomon his second name, as this part of the story’s acting prophet) has bathsheba resolve it by, ahem, 'reminding' him that he promised her that solomon will succeed him. and it's kind of Highly Conspicuous that we have never seen nor been told that this promise happened in the one part of the narration where it would have been most relevant to include so it's not out of the question that nathan had her persuade him of something that never happened because he was kind of very malleable at that point and with shit going down in court they needed a fast solution.

with that in mind i think fate goes under the assumption that this promise was actually real, and that the only major difference here outside of the magic/nasuverse specific elements is that solomon being chosen this way was something that happened before he was actually born, so it connected the two and combined them with how he's characterized in the chapters afterwards as the Good Flawless King and then with all sort of external sources that i can't really speak of since they’re not my area. the other main difference is the implication that david actually played a part in solomon's divine kingly destiny and planned on him being king from the start and specifically offered for god to raise him as such. and there's precedent for something like that with samuel who basically got offered by his mother to be raised as a divine prophet/judge, and the circumstances are more or less similar. samuel was offered by his mother to be in service to god and was raised by priests, which is close enough to being raised by god i guess? but he was totally separated from his parents, and he was definitely absolutely not inhumanly flawless lmao. so i think what david offered is roughly to the extent of 'i will give you my son to raise as his father instead of me, so you could raise him into the kind of king i couldn't be, while i'll stay out of his life so you can do your thing with him as you need'. and with samuel as an example for a similair offer/deal, i think he was expecting a normal human child, just one who'd grow up into a very skilled, competent king and without david's own flaws. and i imagine he was not planning on how it actually turned out for everyone involved.

and as for the reason why he even made the offer in the first place, i chose to look to the promise as the hint to the answer: at least part of it should likely be piousness and sincerely wanting to provide god with the kind of person he couldn't be, but it also means bathsheba, who became his wife under less then ideal circumstances and who lost both her husband and the first child she ever had and that should have been her husband's to his actions and his punishment, has guaranteed protection under her status as the king's mother and isn't thrown to the wolves when he dies, which is the issue she appeals to when she asks him to officially appoint solomon as his successor. being the king's mother gives her control and power in a world where she'd otherwise be in a very precarious position. theeeeeeeeennnn there's also some tradition-- i don’t remember much but i know it exists-- that claims she was his Favorite of his wives, probably for shallow reasons, though i don't think there's much internal textual evidence of that, but that's also A Thought. (i'm just saying, if they ended up developing an actually good connection and ended up loving each other for real that'd be a fascinating and very nasu twist but idk if i'm officially adopting that as my hc yet)

then there's the question of david's relationship to solomon.... there's different takes on it, from what i've seen in fancomics and stuff that does have transltions, and what i managed to understand from untranslated stuff. one interesting one is that david emotionally distanced himself as a result of the trauma of losing the baby from his initial affair with bathsheba, so he kept this distance from the second son he had with her so as to avoid something like that again-- -out of fear he'll lose him again if he allows himself to get emotionally attached. it's a trauma that would certainly be compounded after he lost tamar, amnon and then absalom and how that entire incident really broke him. i don't know if i totally subscribe to that but i think it's on to something.

in general i think of david as not a cruel or abusive father but definitely an emotionally distant one and not very actively present in his children's lives. the struggle of balancing being a king and being a human being had a wrench thrown in it when among all the roles he had to play came up the role of a father, which he just had zero understanding of how to approach or how it fits in with that balance-- the inhuman role of a king and the very human role of father are far more difficult to separate in the world of politics and the court, for him. drawing in from the source text, even in the bible you get the strong sense that he's not very attentive at the best of times, but the moment he loses any of his children, his grief is almost always overwhelming and unsubtle, even if it always manifests differently. in fgo materials their relationship is described as an indifferent one, which is to say, it's not a bad relationship because there's not much of a relationship at all to be good or bad, and i think it was sort of the case with most of his relationships with his children. of course, i also doubt there were absolutely no feelings or affection involved and that it was a totally apathetic one-- on david's part at least. solomon would have been given no room for human attachments such as family or the involved feelings, which means he'd also not feel the pain of the absence of such a thing or the need to have it. if he was given room to feel any sort of familial affection, it's likely a very shallow, vague one.

roman, i think, probably just has a lot of very complicated feelings on it that he's not sure what to do with and doesn't himself really understand. i also think this distance also means he never really understood david or was given the chance to, or, due to his own nature, been given any reason to want to. the absence of this relationship is something he feels in this new human life and understands that it was there and that it was not a good thing, but in a very vague way he's doesn't have the words for; he feels disconnected from it all because even as solomon he was very emotionally disconnected from his family and all that happened in it. and now there's the amount of time has passed and how long ago it would have been for him and how overall irrelevant it all ended up being for him... that david wasn't much of a father to him ends up not mattering much in practice because everything would have turned out the same even if he was, and it's hard to miss something he never felt he ever actually had. he knows there's an absence but doesn't feel it because solomon didn't feel it, and roman never got to experience any of it as roman.

and then he actually gets to meet david again thanks to chaldea. which is completely different as a human being with, like, Feelings, when you have all this knowledge in mind, and to look at a real breathing living human (figuratively speaking) right in front of you and for that person to register as Father in your head is a completely different experience then. it goes from a sort of vague, disconnected regret to a real, emotional understanding of what it is to have a father you never managed to connect to and who kept a distance from you for reasons you don’t understand, and then having the chance to form a connection, all while trying to figure out what the heck is going on with him because he's nothing like what you remember in life.

basically i think the first thing roman thought when he saw david was roughly something like 'whomst the fuckest is [waves hands vaguely] this guy because that is so not my dad', and it slowly segued into 'okay no now i see it, that's closer to the sort of things he'd say or do, but still, what the fuck'. he starts seeing david in an entirely new way on one hand after being exposed to this completely different side to him, but it's also confusing to re-contextualize with all his memories of him and how different he is. the last time they talked, david was on his deathbed giving him a list of people he wants him to murder the shit out of, and another list of people he absolutely does not want him to murder, and his last words were basically 'i leave it up to you how you'll do it legally but i need you to kill that motherfucker dead'. his last moments on the earth he still spent not as a father speaking to a son, but as a king to his successor. ... which suddenly he can also bring himself to feel actual strong feelings about when all of this begin to feel much more personal and much less distant, and also makes the absence of this relationship actually feel tangible, including the feelings of vague regret, maybe a desire to reconnect and to really develop this relationship now that he has the chance to actually know his dad, maybe even some kind of affection for the man-- and when it starts going there that's when he panics because he was not asking for this and does not want these feelings they're really bad and horribly inconvenient this is literally the worst time to be awakening to them!!!!!!

it's all a moot point, of course, because he can't even if he admitted to himself that he wanted to; he can't afford the risk of anyone that's not da vinci knowing, much less someone like this person who he doesn't really know or understand and wouldn't have his trust even under normal circumstances. but and in between all these considerations, he looks at david and wonders about him, wonders how to talk to him-- he knows how to talk, as solomon, to His Majesty The King or to his father the king, but he doesn't know how to talk as a human being to someone he knows to be his father, person to person. he's both familiar and a complete stranger, and talking to him is just a source of headaches not just because of his general personality but because of this particular dissonance. and it's worse because he's also completely undecipherable and he can't tell what he's thinking at least half the time. as easy it might be to dismiss him and think there's nothing beyond what's going on on the surface, he still knows his dad well enough to understand that this is just not the case. and there's a lot of hindsight reflection over his childhood memories and of everything he does remember and in some way putting these things in a new context.

in practice how this manifests is really mostly that he just sort of hovers just outside his orbit, wanting to approach but avoiding at the last second, thinking all these things but not really doing anything beyond that, at one avoiding him and still being unable to resist the urge to engage with him anyway.

.... anyway this post got way way too big and i'm not sure how to end it, but these are almost all the thoughts/hcs i’ve developed for the past year or so. maybe a few minor things i missed or forgot.

#fgo tag #what if we made the emiyas more tragic #thinky thoughts

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marypsue · 6 years ago

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Speaking of That Paranormal Show (”but Mary, no one was -” no, shhhh, play with me in this space), I'm seven episodes from the end of s3 and I've got some Thoughts.

I gravitated to Dean like rocks gravitate to gravity (pretty sure it’s a combination of Snark + Martyr Complex, I am predictable) but I feel like, in trying to do Dean’s emotional storyline justice, the show is kind of doing Sam dirty. It’s really easy to look at Dean’s thin veneer of sarcasm and recognise that it’s covering up a whole mess. Dean deflects, and the show and everybody in it seems very devoted to breaking his defenses down and getting him to acknowledge his shit. And the show seems to want to reassure him - he’s a good man, he has worth beyond what he can give up for the people he loves, he matters.

But they’ve got Sam doing a lot of the heavy lifting on that, and Sam is just as damaged, has just as much weight on his shoulders if not more, especially with the whole demon blood shitshow storyline. Sam needs the same kind of support and reassurance, and he’s just not getting it. At all. Instead, he gets Dean (the one person who should have his back! who should have unconditional faith in him!) under a truth spell (of sorts) admitting that he’s scared of what Sam could be and isn’t certain that Sam won’t be, even though he knows Sam better than anyone and should understand by now that Sam’s pragmatic, not evil. I’d be cool with this if I thought they were focusing on Dean’s trauma this season and next season they’re really gonna dig into what’s going on with Sam, but I know that the angels show up in s4 and (I think) that’s where we get “You don’t think you deserve to be saved”, so I kinda doubt that’s gonna happen.

And like, maybe Sam doesn’t deflect, but he sublimates. Everything he feels - fear, grief, the loss of a life that meant a lot to him, the betrayal of having even his own family believe he's got something monstrous in him and trying to hide it from him, whatever - goes straight into fueling Anger and Vengeance. On the surface, he looks more - modern, enlightened, whatever, has more stereotypically feminine traits, and his way of handling emotional baggage is to take action, so it looks like he's doing something about whatever it is he's feeling.

But that doesn’t actually mean he’s any better at dealing with his shit than Dean is. It’s just less immediately obvious that Sam's hiding stuff or pushing it to the side, because he isn’t trying to pretend he doesn’t have negative feelings. But he’s just putting all that energy into unrelated or tangentially related things, which means he's still not facing and actually dealing with the stuff he needs to deal with. (And I can't always tell, from episode to episode, if the writers can tell the difference and are writing him this way on purpose, or if they actually think 'taking it out on something' counts as 'dealing with it'.)

Dean - to his credit - tries to push Sam to acknowledge his ~feelings, but doesn’t reciprocate by opening up and offering Sam anything of himself unless under extreme duress, which undermines his best intentions. All he’s doing is continuing to prop up the toxic, shitty nonsense they both got fed from very early childhood, continuing to model to Sam that Dean really believes only girls and babies actually talk about their feelings, even as he’s telling Sam in words that he’s gotta talk about it sometime. No wonder Sam’s not exactly eager to go pouring his heart out to his brother.

(And I think that’s part of the issue I have, too - the show itself seems determined to try to convince Dean he’s a good person and has worth by propping him up with those around him, but it also seems to be overlooking or minimising how his negative coping strategies are contributing to his own and other people's problems, and that’s a major narrative red flag for me. I’m really not going to enjoy this if it continues to be The Make Dean Feel Better At Sam’s Expense Show, especially since not addressing the behaviours that are causing the problems in the first place is a temporary bandaid solution at best. Good grief, can we just get both these boys some therapy already?)

Anger and Vengeance are acceptable emotions to the brand of toxic masculinity John Winchester bought into. So’s deflecting until you can make some big, showy sacrifice. The show had Sam go out of his way to force Dean to admit the latter is bullshit, acknowledge how he feels, so they can try to work it out and make it better. I want somebody to do the same for Sam, dammit. I want somebody to get him to admit he’s scared. I want somebody (who isn’t themselves evil) to have a little honest faith in him! Because Sam’s always been ruthless, but he’s never been bad. At least, not until the only person who’s always had his back suddenly doesn’t anymore. And that’s a problem that they could solve if they just talked to each other about their damn feelings!

I know, I know, midpoint of the planned story arc, this will probably all come into play later, and it does leave Sam isolated and vulnerable to Ruby's manipulations, but - dammit, I hate miscommunication plots! Especially drawn-out ones! And I don't feel 100% certain that setting Sam up like this was entirely intentional on the writers' parts, which is...not great. I kind of feel like I as a viewer am supposed to be agreeing with Dean's perspective, supposed to be concerned with how 'cold' Sam's becoming, but it doesn't...really...work when that's a character trait the show established for him from episode 1.

If I was supposed to be sympathising with Sam, feeling like there's nobody left he can trust, not even himself (yes, cue meme), and looking to the one person who still seems to trust him for whatever nefarious reasons of her own, I feel like Dean would get the last word way less often. As it stands, I feel like I'm doing a lot of the heavy lifting for the show, and I don't love that, exactly. Like yeah, headcanoning Watsonian explanations is fun, but I also exist on a Doylist level and on a Doylist level I am disappoint. I want a tragedy not to try to bias me against a character who's going to be struck low by their fatal flaw, because that's...exactly counter to the point of tragedy, and I want a story that promises me a tragedy of brother against brother not to pick sides with one of the brothers!

I dunno. I've just been badly spoiled by the Stan twins. For all that Alex may think Ford brought all his misery on himself and deserved to die for it, at least it didn't show up in the show itself. Really, Gravity Falls is just my gold standard for writing sibling conflict, and I guess I hadn't realised how much it would affect my ability to enjoy other things. Maybe this show is going to go on to address my concerns and knock my socks off, or maybe it’ll just get more frustrating, and the only way to find out for sure is to keep watching.

#mary watches supernatural #this is behind a cut to spare yall #listen. listen I did try to warn you!#I got really invested in the Stan twins!#you should have seen this coming.#anyway that's where I'm at with this #you're right 'is this brilliant or is it completely missing the point' is the true spn experience

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