#we have to drag up the past to move into the future!

[moonlightmornings]

hannah's buddie fic recs || pt. 10 💫

happy tuesday, friends :) it has been rainy and gloomy and foggy all day and its been soooooo lovely. also there's a few extra fics i threw in here, not my usual 15 :))

as always, if you're the author of one of these please reply and i'll tag your tumblr! and check the tags and warnings before reading!!

<- PART NINE: hannah's buddie fic recs

our own little world by buckleys_girl911 | 9.7k words | explicit Buck and Eddie have a date night at a drive-in movie, and Eddie wants Buck and doesn't care that other people are around.

look how they shine for you by icarvslwt | 9.1k words | NR Buck turned in the corner of the hallway and waited for Eddie to get in the elevator. The doors were closing when Buck looked at him and opened his mouth to speak. Eddie watched him closing it and opening it again... “Can we-” he finally said before a loud noise sounded from somewhere and just like that, the lights were off.

could have followed my fears all the way down by icewhisper | 3.9k words | teen+ In 2019, Buck writes a letter and sits on the edge of his roof, but he doesn’t jump. He never tells anyone about how close he’d come. In 2024, in the midst of packing up the loft so Buck can move in with him and Christopher, Eddie finds the letter.

it was not my lips you kissed, but my soul by @cathcer1984 | 32.1k words | explicit Buck comes with Eddie to El Paso. Eddie's family make assumptions about their relationship which they don't correct.

merry/bright by @pansiesandposes | 20.8k words | teen+ There’s fake dating, Buck is loved by many people, and Eddie Diaz interacts with snow for the first time.

talk me through it, touch me softly by buckleys_girl911 | 14.3k words | explicit Consent is sexy, Buck talks Eddie through their first time.

give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye by biIlionlittlepieces | 3.0k words | GA Buck takes care of a drunk and crying Eddie who misses his son.

all i need is you by browneyedgirl6 | 2.6k words | teen+ Eddie's been back to work for about a month now since being shot, and things seem to be going fine, he's gotten past that day—at least he thought he had. That all changes when they're on a scene with exploding paint cans, one splattering Buck right in the face, the sight chilling Eddie to the core.

acts of service by @aashiqeddiediaz (tawaifeddiediaz) | 4.3k words | teen+ Buck sleeps weird, Eddie fixes it, gets stuck, and Buck loves his man.

dragged in dust (bathed in blood) by @aashiqeddiediaz (tawaifeddiediaz) | 39.1k words | mature The aftermath of Eddie's decision [to leave the 118], and what it means for his relationship with Buck.

don’t look at me (you got a girl at home) by justhockey | 4.4k words | NR Buck gets handsy when he’s drunk. Eddie has Feelings about it.

weightless by raptorax | 18.5k words | teen+ Eddie brings Chris home, Buck bakes cookies, and they both figure out how to stop running from the things that scare them most.

when it’s sunny or storming by saintsnames | 3.0k words | GA In the future, Eddie is still a little afraid of thunderstorms.

what do you want? (desires of the heart) by xcursequeenx | 11.9k words | explicit The one where Buck corners Eddie for answers after Eddie starts acting weird and it leads down a road neither of them expected.

the arms of the ocean by @anatargmova | 9.6k words | teen+ After Christopher leaves with his grandparents, Buck notices just how much touch-starved Eddie is — and decides to fix it.

forever, ceasing never by @clusterbuck (lecornergirl) | 3.9k words | teen+ Until he drifts over just a little too far and loses his balance, and instead of resting his head on Buck’s shoulder like he’d intended he overshoots and finds himself sprawled out on the sofa, his head somewhere in the vicinity of Buck’s hip... He should get up, but Buck’s hand slides into his hair, and when he looks down his eyes are impossibly soft.

[bxunyx]

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬(𝟐)

Pairing-ModernGangAU-Elijah*Smoke*Moore x Black reader

Summary-This is part two to whatever it takes where smoke tried to win you back

A/N-idk if I wanna keep dragging it or whatever but I think this has a good ending let me know if you guys want like idk a few years in the future

𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲

The bass thumped through the pavement like a second heartbeat, steady and loud, drowning out most thoughts but not the ones Smoke needed drowned the most.

Southside’s annual block party was in full swing — grills smoking, kids playing, cars lined with candy paint gleaming under the sun. The kind of day that used to feel like freedom. Now it just felt like noise.

Smoke stood between Stacks and Sammie near the back gate, arms crossed, black tee and pants. He wasn’t drinking. Wasn’t smoking. Just watching. Waiting. For what, he didn’t know.

“Man, you could at least pretend to have a good time,” Sammie muttered, nudging him with an elbow.

Smoke didn’t respond. Stacks, always more blunt, spoke through the rim of his solo cup. “You actin’ like you ain’t the one that fucked up. Don’t come out here brooding like the world did you dirty.”

“I ain’t broodin’,” Smoke said, but the words didn’t carry much conviction.

“Then why you lookin’ at the entrance like a dog waitin’ for his owner to come back?”

Sammie chuckled. “She got you whipped, man.”

Stacks gave Sammie a look. “He knows. But that don’t change the fact that she was the only one who kept his head on straight.”

Smoke glanced down at his phone again. No messages. Nothing from her since that night. He hadn’t unfollowed her, hadn’t blocked her number. He wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

And then—like a ripple in the crowd—something changed.

Heads turned. Voices shifted. Whispers started.

She walked in.

And she wasn’t alone. Four girls walked with her — all confident, sandals making noises, laughter too loud not to be intentional. She wasn’t trying to sneak in quiet. She wanted to be seen.

Smoke’s chest went tight.

Her shorts was short. Crop top showed half of her midriff. trouble. Like “don’t you dare forget what you lost.”

He didn’t move at first. Just watched her, watched the way she laughed with her friends, the way her eyes scanned the crowd but never once landed on him.

“She really showed up,” Sammie muttered. “Damn.”

Stacks whistled low. “She fine, but that energy? That’s vengeance.”

Smoke started walking. Not fast. Not dramatic. Just deliberate, cutting through the crowd like it parted for him.

She saw him halfway there.

Didn’t run. Didn’t smile.

Just watched him.

He stopped a few feet in front of her. The music faded in his ears, crowd nothing but background now.

“Hey.”

That one word, all he could push out. Like it might undo everything.

Her eyes narrowed, arms folded like armor. “Hey?” she echoed, mock-sweet. “That’s what you got?”

He swallowed. Looked at her, really looked.

“You look good.”

“Mhm,” she mumbled. Her friends stood behind her like sentinels, watching, silent.

“I just wanted to say—”

She cut him off. “Don’t. Not right now, Elijah.”

Smoke took a breath. “Then where?”

She stepped in closer. Just enough for her voice to drop and stab between his ribs. “You had your shot. You fucked up.”

He flinched.

Her voice was soft, but that was worse. “And now you wanna chase me like I’m just another corner to control?”

“I’m not chasing. I’m owning it.”

She stared for a long time. “Too late, Elijah.”

He looked at her friends, then back at her. “You really done?”

She tilted her head. “I’m healing. And that doesn’t include you right now.”

Stacks and Sammie watched from afar, both still, both quiet.

Smoke’s jaw clenched. “You ever think maybe we still worth saving?”

“Maybe,” she said. “But not by me.”

And then she turned. Walked past him, leaving the scent of shea butter and vanilla trailing in her wake.

Smoke just stood there.

No guns. No sirens. No betrayals.

Just a man at a party surrounded by his crew, with nothing to celebrate.

Stacks came up beside him. “Told yo ass”

Smoke didn’t answer.

Sammie whistled. “Man, summer don’t hit the same when you the villain.”

Smoke looked down at his phone.

One new message.

Not from her.

Just business.

He didn’t open it.

He lit a blunt, eyes on the crowd.

And for the first time, he realized

This wasn’t just about losing her.

It was about who he’d have to become to ever get her back.

Smoke didn’t move.

Her perfume still lingered like a challenge. Like a dare.

The crowd swallowed her, but his eyes followed — like a man caught between wanting to chase and knowing he’d lost the right to.

Stacks clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Take time, man.”

Sammie leaned in, sipping on a Hennessy in his plastic cup, “She said she healing, not she done. That’s something.”

Smoke shook his head. “It’s not the same.”

And it wasn’t.

He felt it when her eyes met his — that shift in the atmosphere. The weight of everything they hadn’t said pressing down like heat on his back.

She hadn’t come to make peace.

She came to prove she didn’t need to.

⸻

Meanwhile…

She laughed again, too loud, too on purpose, sipping from a bottle she hadn’t paid for. Her girls surrounded her, feeding her that “you-glow-girl” energy, but her heart wasn’t in it.

Every beat of the music reminded her of him. Smoke. Elijah. Whatever name he wanted to be today.

She could still feel him watching.

And God, it still hurt.

Not the mistake — not even the other woman. No. The pain was rooted in the lie he almost made her believe: that she was the only part of his life untouched by the game.

She wasn’t stupid. She’d grown up around the same streets, same corners, same codes.

But she’d thought she was different to him.

Until that post.

Until that picture.

Until the silence after.

Her homegirls knew the story. They were the only reason she was even at this party. “Be seen,” they said. “Remind him what he lost.”

But that was the problem.

She didn’t want to be just the thing he lost.

She wanted to be the thing he protected before it ever came to this.

⸻

Back near the gate

Smoke smoked the blunt, leaning against the gate. He hadn’t smoked in weeks. Not since she walked out. He could taste the weed.

His phone buzzed again. Stack glanced over.

“You really not gonna look?”

“I’m tired of calls I don’t wanna,” Smoke muttered.

Sammie raised a brow. “Then go talk to the one you do.”

“She told me not to.”

“Since when do you listen?”

Stacks gave a look. “Since he learned the hard way that ‘whatever it takes’ ain’t always enough.”

There was a pause between them. Just bass and the sound of cars bumping past, kids yelling by the bounce house, smoke rolling from grills.

“I wasn’t just saying it,” Smoke finally said, voice low. “I meant it. I’d leave it all for her.”

“Then why haven’t you?” Stacks asked.

That silence?

That was the answer.

Because wanting to change and changing are two different beasts.

⸻

Later, toward the sunset…

The block party had slowed. Sky pinking at the edges. Streetlights flickered on.

She stood by the DJ booth now, sipping water, her earrings dangling from her hand. Her friends were off chasing some men, but she lingered. Maybe waiting. Maybe just not ready to leave.

Smoke finally moved.

He walked up, slow, careful — not begging, not selling. Just showing up.

“I ain’t here to make you forget,” he said quietly.

She didn’t turn. But she didn’t walk away either.

“I just wanted to say… if you ever ask me again, ‘what are we’ — I’m done giving answers. I’m gonna start proving them.”

She looked at him then. Eyes tired, guarded, but curious.

“Talk is cheap, Elijah.”

“I know. That’s why I’m done talkin’.”

He handed her something. A small, black velvet box.

She hesitated. “Don’t tell me it’s that ring. That’s too late and way too corny.”

He smirked. “It’s a key. To a spot I’m getting out on the Westside. Quiet. Legit.”

She opened it. Inside — not a key to a trap house, not one to his penthouse. This one was plain. Clean. Real estate agent’s tag still attached.

“Leaving the game?” she asked.

“I already lost you. I ain’t trying to lose me too.”

She stared at him. A long moment.

The bass behind them dropped.

Sunlight kissed her shoulders.

His chest ached like a man praying for a second chance in a world that rarely gives one.

Finally, she closed the box. Held it in her hand.

Didn’t say yes.

Didn’t say no.

Just

“You do it. You get clean. Then we talk.”

She walked past him again.

This time, the goodbye didn’t sting.

It felt like a maybe.

It had been six months.

No headlines.

No Shadroom posts.

No bodies dropped.

No street whispers with Smoke’s name in them.

He’d gone silent — not dead, just different.

Stacks was the first to believe him. Sammie took longer. But eventually even they had to admit it: Smoke wasn’t just laying low. He was done.

He poured money into a new studio idea Sammie had been dreaming about since high school. 

And most of all, he stayed away from the trap houses.

Didn’t call her. Didn’t text. Didn’t show up.

He told himself, if she comes back, it’s gotta be because she wants to. Not because he chased her down or cornered her with guilt.

But some things don’t fade.

Some names still live behind your ribs.

Some promises echo every time you look at the person you used to be and don’t see them anymore.

⸻

It was a Sunday. Warm. Quiet. Her block always was.

Stacks sat in the passenger seat of the Range Rover, arms crossed, watching Smoke adjust the radio.

“You sure about this?”

Smoke didn’t look up. “If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

Sammie leaned in from the backseat, grinning. “You finally playin’ the long game.”

“I was the game,” Smoke muttered. “Now I’m just a man.”

He hit play.

Boyz II Men – “On Bended Knee” spilled out the speakers, loud but not obnoxious, old school, bleeding honesty in every harmony.

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong…

Stacks exhaled. “You really gonna do the ‘90s R&B grand gesture?”

Smoke chuckled. “It’s not for me. It’s for her. So she knows I ain’t just sayin’ it anymore.”

He stepped out.

No flowers. No fancy suit.

Just grey sweatpants, clean Jordans, a fresh cut, and clarity.

He walked up the path to her porch, music humming behind him like a memory. Her car was there. Light in the living room on.

He knocked.

The kind of knock that don’t demand.

Just asks.

⸻

She opened the door slow.

Hair wrapped, oversized tee, no makeup. She wasn’t expecting company. Especially not him.

Her mouth parted, shocked — not because he showed up, but because of what she saw..

No tension.

No storm in his eyes.

Just peace.

And that song behind him, still playing, like it had been stuck in his chest all year.

Can somebody tell me how to get things back the way they used to be?

Oh God, give me a reason… I’m down on bended knee

“Elijah…”

“I’m not here to beg,” he said quickly. “Not again.”

She stepped onto the porch, heart hammering. “Then why are you here?”

“I just want you to know… I kept my word. I’m out. For real.”

She blinked. “You serious?”

He nodded. “You can ask Stacks. Ask Sammie. Hell, ask my landlord. I got a regular lease now, with a deposit and everything.”

She cracked a smile — just a little.

“I didn’t call ‘cause I wanted to fix me first. I ain’t asking for you back.”

He pause.

“…Unless you want to come back.”

He reached into his jacket. Not a gift. Not a ring.

Just the key she’d held in her palm six months ago — the one to his new life. Except this time, it was on her keychain.

He handed it over.

“I kept it safe. Like I kept my promise.”

She stared down at it. Then back up at him.

“No more lies?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“No more life without you,” he said. “But only if you still want to be part of mine.”

Stacks leaned against the Range, arms crossed, watching. Sammie wiped an invisible tear and laughed at himself for it.

And her?

She didn’t run. Didn’t cry. Didn’t hesitate.

She just stepped forward.

His head in her chest.

She Whispered

“You showed up right.”

⸻

Inside the house, minutes later…

They lay in her bedroom, Gerald Levert on her record player.

The music faded to the last chorus. The sun dipped behind the skyline.

And for the first time in a long time…

Smoke didn’t feel haunted.

He felt at home.

Tag- @christinabae @thepenumbra76

[pancakeszs]

the world finds out that you're dating

♡pairing: hyungline!skz x fem!reader

♡wc: 2.3k

♡contents: kissing, fluff, guilt

♡synopsis: the internet accidentally finds out that you and are in a relationship due to a minor slip up.

♡a/n: this is not proofread so please ignore any typos you see. i was really eager to post this! i hope you all enjoy and i hope to write more skz content in the future!

WRITTEN BY @pancakeszs (please do not copy, plagiarize, repost, translate, or edit)

bangchan˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

bangchan has always felt a strong sense of responsibility not only for the members safety but for yours too. ever since you both started dating he made sure your relationship was not in the public’s eye. 

he knew that some “fans” would come after you and insult you for no reason at all and that was his biggest nightmare. for the past year you both have been doing a good job at keeping your relationship under wraps, that is until there’s an emergency.

you had been watching one of bang chans concerts, supporting him from afar when a fight broke out and you were caught in the middle.

you turned to the side to find two girls yelling at each other “you’re blocking my view!!” one girl screamed “it’s not my fault!” the second girl screamed back. security couldn’t hear because of how loud the whole concert was so you took it upon yourself to break up the fight before it escalated.

you moved through the crowd to the girls “guys, can’t we just enjoy the show?” one of the girls turned to you and said “mind your own business bitch!” 

you frowned “you’re ruining the show not only for yourself but for everyone else! can’t you just move so the other girl can see?” you try to explain a simple solution but the girl doesn’t want to hear it.

“who do you think you are coming over here? do you want to fight me?” she asks.

“no i just want to enjoy the show without you guys yelling and starting a fight.” you explain trying to keep calm.

you can see the girl getting mad and she  raises her hand to hit you but before she can swing you hear bangchan yell from the stage “hey!”

the girl who was about to hit you looks over to him to find him staring right at you. she immediately starts fangirling forgetting about how she almost assaulted you. “bangchan i love you!” she screams.

“and i love my girlfriend, who you were about to hit.” he says frowning. your jaw drops at the fact that he actually just said that, publically, in the middle of a concert.

the girl turns to you “know way you’re his girlfriend, did you pay him or something?” 

you’re still in shock and you look at bangchan who signals to the security to escort the girl out. 

the girl screams and kicks her feet and she’s dragged away but you’re focused on bangchan. he winks at you and security takes you back stage before anyone can snap photos or take a good look at your face. 

after the show bangchan rushes back to find you sitting on the couch watching the performance from a screen in the back. “are you ok?” he asks as you comes up to you checking you to see if the girl had hit you before he noticed. “i’m okay chan…thank you. but you didn’t have to do that. now everyone will know we’re together.” 

“today just proved that you can get hurt either way but atleast true fans will support us. and anyways as long as we have each other it’ll be okay.” 

“i love you babe” you say as he leans in for a kiss.

“i love you too.” he whispers.

lee know ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

it was easy for you and lee know to keep your relationship on the down low. he never really spoke about his personal in interviews and kept questions about it vague. him not showing off your relationship didn’t mean he loved you any less, he just wanted to protect you from the haters on the internet. you didn’t mind it either, you preferred just being in eachothers company without having expectations from people. 

one night you come over to lee knows house since you bought his cats a new toy you’d seen on tik tok. you had texted him earlier in the day that you would be coming over and he had replied telling you he was excited. unfortunately it had slipped lee knows mind that you were coming over and he was on a youtube live completely oblivious to the fact that you were supposed to come over.

you knocked on his door and lee know turned around confused.  “i don’t think im expecting anyone…” he said to the chat and then walked over to the door. he opened it and his eyes widened when he realized it was you.

you smiled widely when he opened the door and leaned in for a hug. “hi, my love! i brought the cat toys.” when you pulled away you noticed the horror on his face.

“is everything alright?” you asked concerned.

“wait right here.” he says as he runs back into the room. he checks the live and sees that the camera has a full view of the door. he scans the cha quickly and watches as they flood with comments like:

“did they just hug?”

“is that his girlfriend?”

“did she call him “my love?””

he quickly said “sorry, i have to go now.’” and ended the live.

he came back to the door and opened it to find you standing there waiting.

“what happened?” you asked still confused.

“i completely forgot you were coming and i was on a live, they saw you hug me and heard you call me “my love.” i screwed up bad y/n.” 

he face palmed himself and dragged his hands down his face. “they aren’t stupid they’re going to know we’re together.”

you put your hands on his shoulders and look at him “it’s going to be okay lee know, don’t blame yourself. i should’ve updated you letting you know i was on the way. if any of us are to blame its me.”

lee know begins to protest but you cut him off “can we go inside to talk about this?” he nods and takes a step away from the door so you can come inside. you take his hand and you sit down of the couch pulling him down with you.

“y/n this wasn’t how things were supposed to go…i didn’t want the world to find out because now people will start analyzing every little thing you do and-“

you cup his face in your hands “first of all, i don’t care about what people on the internet have to say about me or our relationship. i’m happy and secure and that’s what maters. second of all, are you sure they even know who i am? i could be your sister for all they know.”

“they could take a photo of you and find your instagram easily, there aren’t many girls who look as beautiful as you. you’re definetley recognizable.”

a blush coats your cheeks “you’re all worried and you’re still flirting with me.” you tease.

he smiles softly at you “i just want you to know that if the media or anything becomes too overwhelming for you, and you need a break from this relationship…then that’s completely ok. i love you and only want whats best for you.”

“lee know, no matter what happens as long as i have you by my side everything will be ok.” you kiss him softly and then continue “now i came here for a reason, these cat toys won’t play with themselves? where are those little cuties?”

lee know smiles and he knows you’re right, together everything will be ok.

changbin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

changbin and you had been together for a while now, nobody other than your close firneds knew that you both were together. it wasn’t because either of you were ashamed of eachother, it’s just that you had both come to the descision that it would be best for your relationship to be kept a secret so it doesn’t turn into a big thing in the media. it was just another regular day hanging out with changbin at his house before he brought up going to the gym.

“hey, do you want to go to the gym with me?” he asked. he always asked even though your answer was always the same. you hated the gym, which was ironic since your boyfriend basically lived there. still you would always politely decline preferring to do a home workout instead. 

today though, you decided to go to the gym with him since you felt like trying it out once more to see if maybe your opinion on the gym has changed. changbin smiled brightly at your answer. you both hopped into the car and chatted about random things until you fianlly arrived at the gym.

“i’m really glad you decided to come with me today.” he held your hand as you walked in.

“aww, im happy you’re happy. i decided i should give the gym another chance.” you explained.

you and changbin were too immersed in your workout and conversation to notice a guy working out near you taking photos of you both. this was a private gym but occasionaly someone would pay to get in, but no one ever recognized changbin.

after your workout you felt energized but tired at the same time. you and changbin got into the car when changbin’s phone started blowing up. he had a look or disbelief as he scanned his eyes across his phone.

“what’s wrong?” you asked worried from his expression.

he handed his phone over to you and you read the headline of the twitter post that read “stray kids idol changbin found entering the gym with another girl while holding hands.” you had to reread the words multiple times for them to process.

“what…? how didn’t we notice!” you said shocked, then it hit you that the only person there was the man working out near you. he had came in not long after you both so he must have snapped photos while you were entering.

“i knew i should’ve been more careful.” changbin groaned.

“binnie, it’s not your fault. you shouldn’t have to be on edge all day just because people are nosy and want to get into your business all of the time.” you reassured him, not wanting him to feel guilty over this whole situation.

“i shouldn’t have nagged at you to even come to the gym today.” he looked so dissapointed in himself and it pained you to see him that way.

“you didn’t nag me, not at all! i decided that i wanted to come today and that is in no way your fault or even mine. besides now this means that we don’t have to keep our relationship a secret.”

“i just feel bad, we both agreed it would be better if we kept our relationship secret but now everyone is going to know. i feel like i failed you.”

you turned to him and held his face in your hands “changbin, listen to me. you did not fail me at all. this is just a little bump in the road but we’ll work through it just like we do with everything else. besides this will all die down when another tweet about another celebrity pops up.”

changbin nodded “you’re right.”

you smiled and kissed him softly “also, this is just another reason why the gym sucks.”

hyunjin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

hyunjin often called you his muse and you found it the sweetest thing in the world. he would draw you when you weren’t looking and paint things that reminded him of you. you enjoyed your relationship and how it was out of the public eye. you were both able to enjoy each others company without anyone commenting or hating on it.

unfortunately nothing this peaceful lasts forever. on one of hyunjins lives he was showing off his sketch book. he didn’t mind sharing his artwork with the stays because he was proud of it. he was so passionate about showing his art that he didn’t notice he grabbed the sketchbook with all of his portraits of you.

 he began flipping through the pages and a look of horror flashed across his face when a portrait of you was on full display. he quickly shoved the sketchbook away and laughed awkwardly to the stream.

he quickly made up an excuse and ended the live. he prayed that nobody could tell who you were through the paintings. he quickly drove over to your house to explain what happened but when he finally made it his phone was pinging with notifications.

HAN: look at this! they found y/n’s instagram.

Lix: hyunjin everyone saw your sketches and found y/n’s account!

he couldn’t bear to read the rest of the messages because all of it reminded him of his huge mistake.

suddenly he saw you walk out of your house with your keys in your hands. you stopped short when you saw hyunjin car. you ran to his door and said “hyunjin! are you ok? everyone found my instagram account…” 

hyunjin just looked at you looking so ashamed. “i screwed up.” he sighed. 

you grabbed his hand and took him inside of your house so you could talk.

you both sat down across from each other and you watched as hyunjin held his head in his hands. “y/n…i’m so sorry.”

“hyujin, i want you to know that i’m not mad. not at all! everyone was going to find out at some point. this was unexpected yes but i’m not upset. i think it’s sweet that they found out because of your drawings of me.”

hyunjin looked up at you “you’re really not mad? i ruined everything…everything was going so well.”

you reached for his hands and held them “i promise you i’m not mad. it was a slip up and trust me if i had a platform like you and i did live streams i would’ve slipped up by now.” you reassured him.

you came around the table to hug him. “i love you, and now i don’t have to hide it.” you held his face in your hands and he looked up at you. 

“i’m glad too, now i can share my paintings of you freely.” he smiled softly.

you smiled back and kissed him softly, he returned in kind.

“i love you so much.” he said against your lips.

“i love you too.” 

[darnell-la]

i love the darkpervy!logan x reader content, pls make more!

summary: logan hated picking y/n up from bars and clubs, especially if her male best friend was there. she never listens to him, and tonight, he could only show her what happens when she gets as drunk as she does in public.

note: I think we’ve made a similar story like this, so we’ll try to make it a bit different.

“She’s drunk, peanut. Go and pick her up for me,” Wade told Logan as his eyes stayed on Vanessa who danced in front of him. “Why would I? She’s old enough to get around herself,” Logan said as he took a sip of his drink.

“It’s not like you’re enjoying this amazing, godsend of a woman dancing in front of us, anyway. Plus, Max is there, and you don’t want him taking her home, right?”

Logan’s fist tightened at the thought of Max being anywhere near y/n. He knew what kind of man that boy was. Logan wouldn’t be able to live in his shared apartment, knowing Max fucked her somewhere in there.

Logan got up without saying a word. “By the way, I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. I’m spending time with my future wife,” Wade shouted as Logan walked out of the bar door.

Logan had been sitting in his car for a while now. Usually, y/n comes right out, but by the videos, her friends are posting online, he knew she was having too much fun there.

Logan groaned as he stepped out of his truck, knowing he’d hate the sight of seeing y/n all over Max like she always is. He hated that thought. There was nothing special about Maximilian in any way.

“I’ll be right back, bub,” Logan told the security guard, so he wouldn’t have his truck removed from in front of the building. “Five minutes,” was all the guard gave him.

Logan quickly made his way to the section y/n and her friends always buy, and with no surprise, Max was all in y/n’s ear. The way she giggled, made Logan’s fists tightened.

“Alright, bub — Time to go home,” Logan spoke as he walked up to the section. “Logan! Have a drink with us,” Y/n offered as she raised her hand to give him her glass, but he didn’t take it.

“I don’t think he wants to drink from you, princess. Let him get his own glass,” Max spoke for Logan, and that was something he wouldn’t allow. Who does this man actually think he is?

Logan took y/n’s glass and chugged the whole thing, knowing he wouldn’t feel anything. All she drank were sweet drinks.

“Happy, princess?” Logan said, claiming her nickname back from Max. “That’s not fair, Lo. You’ve gotta drink more,” y/n said as she grabbed bottles to mix them in a glass.

“We can do that another time, bub, let’s get you home,” Logan said as he pushed past Max and softly grabbed y/n’s hand. Y/n whined as she got up to move past Max with him.

“Next week, same time?” Max asked, and right as y/n opened her mouth, Logan spoke for her. “I’m taking her out with Wade, so, no thank you,” Logan winked at the younger man before dragging y/n towards the exit with him.

“What are we gonna do next weekend?” Y/n asked, very excited, but anyone could tell she was drunk out of her mind. Logan knew once she got in his trust, she’d be passed out in his back seat, and that’s what she was.

“You can’t be drinkin’ like this, y/n. No Uber would actually take you home, seeing you like this,” Logan only told the truth as she whined in the back seat. She could barely understand the man.

“I’ve thought about what I should say to you, on my way here, but no matter what I’ll say, you won’t listen. You probably won’t even remember from how drunk you are,”

Logan pulled into a dark park that was only around the corner from their shared apartment. Wade wasn’t home, and y/n was vulnerable. Only one thing could cross Logan’s mind that he’s been wanting to do, but couldn’t. He never knew how, and when to, but tonight was the night.

“I’m hungry,” y/n struggled to say. Lovna could barely hear her. “I’ll make something at home, but right now, you’re in trouble,” Logan got out of the car as y/n repeatedly asked why.

“You see,” Logan opened the back doors to his truck and hopped in. “You would’ve taken the Uber tonight, right?” Logan asked as he moved y/n so her back was on the seat. “Mhmh,” y/n replied as her head spun.

“Yeah, so let’s see how you’d get through the night in an Uber,” Logan said as he began tugging at her dress, lighting it up until her skin touched his seat. “Huh? What?” Y/n asked, her voice seeming so far away.

“What would you do in this situation? If the Uber didn’t take you right home?” Logan asked as he hooked his fingers around her panties before ripping them clean off of her.

“Hey- Logan?” Y/n didn’t know what to do or say. What was even happening? Y/n couldn’t think straight, and the sight of that angered Logan, yet, turned him on. It’s not like he couldn’t get what he wanted if she was sober. He was stronger than her either way.

“And, this is why you can’t go out drunk. Look at you. You can’t even lift your head to look at me,” Logan said as he unbuckled his pants, feeling how hard his cock rubbed against his fabric. She looked sweeter than ever.

“Lo? What- happening?” Y/n wanted to know what was going on as Logan moved between her legs, always feeling close to the sight of her folds. She looked wet, smooth, and sweet. Just like he’d imagine.

“I’m not Logan, remember? I’m your Uber driver,” Logan said as he pushed at y/n’s entrance. At first, she didn’t feel too much to alarm her, until his tip slipped past her folds.

“Logan- Logan!” Y/n whined loudly as she lifted her arms to push at his chest. “Nah uh, you let me in,” Logan continued painting through her folds as her feet curled and mouth parted.

“N-No,” y/n felt her heart pound, getting scared of what was happening. She knew this was Logan, but she was too drunk tonight. There was too much pressure running through her body.

“Why? Tell me why, baby, and I might stop,” Logan lied. He just wanted to hear her speak. “T-Too big — I-I came breath,” y/n stuttered, and being the asshole Logan was, he lifted y/n’s legs over his shoulder to make her feel more trapped.

“Lo- please! I-I can’t,” y/n begged as her stomach twitched. “Oh, yeah? But, you can fuck Max, huh? You can fuck him at his place, but can’t give me a little attention at home?”

Y/n shook her head as she tried to comprehend what Logan was saying. Why was he bringing up Max? Why did he sound so angry? Why did he speed up his thrust the more she pushed at his lower stomach?

“G-Get up — Please,” y/n begged, feeling the need to pee, which meant she was close to an orgasm. That was too embarrassing for her. She couldn’t cum on Logan’s cock. This was inappropriate.

“Stop trying to push me away, y/n. It’s not gonna fucking work,” growled as he slapped y/n’a hands away. “No! N-No, I won’t,” y/n got fussy with the man as she fought his hands from pushing her away.

“W-We can’t do this!” Y/n tried shouting at Logan, but nothing about her in this situation made him think she’d get out of this. “I don’t care how embarrassed you are, y/n. You’re gonna fucking cum on me like you do to Max,”

Logan’s hands wrapped around y/n’s neck, making her gasp. “Logan, please — I-I’m gonna cum, and- I- Please,” y/n begged the man, but her eyes soon rolled to the back of her head.

“Ah huh,” Logan snapped his hips as his grip pulled her into his thrust. “G-Gonna cum,” y/n cried low as she gushed around the man. Her legs shook and nails dug right into Logan’s wrists.

“That’s it — It feels good, doesn’t it? Better than Max, right? C’mon, baby, tell me,” Logan slowed his strokes down, but made sure to dig deep in her cunt, causing her lower belly to ache.

“P-Please, please,” y/n tried holding it back, but she gushed again, spilling all over his seats with a loud cry. “Oh, yeah — That’s my, girl. Only for me,”

[yandereunsolved]

✗ ❛ Yandere Five Hargreeves (S1) ❜ ✗

Clicking off the last light, you wish the department store a peaceful night. It was your best friend during the weekdays. The boisterous speech of irritated moms and angsty teenagers was replaced with pure silence. No exhausted cashiers or store emergencies due to shoplifters or disgruntled higher-ups.

It was almost daunting. Taking the last shift and closing as the manager made it seem like the world had ended. It was like you got a picture-perfect frame for the all-consuming feeling of being alone. You almost enjoyed it, if it weren't for the reminder that this was real life and tomorrow would be just as noisy as the last.

You take out your extra pair of keys and secure the right one as you walk towards the exit doors.

"Question?" A slightly high-pitched, younger male voice inquires.

You whip your head around to see the outline of a pubescent boy standing near some mannequins.

"Hey, kid. You can't be in here. It's past closing time. Take yourself and whatever other sneaky friends you have and go home." You state dismissively. You really don't want to have to call the cops again because of some moronic teens.

You are frozen for a moment as the kid appears right in front of you. It was like some weird magic trick.

"Damn it. You don't remember me. You haven't met me yet." The kid mutters to himself as he paces around you. "It's me, Five." He urges. "Question, remember. You have to remember me. You have to remember us."

"Hey, we need to get you—"

An unexplainable force pushes you onto the tiled floor. Before you are able to groan, the kid, Five, wraps his arms around you, and suddenly you are halfway across the department store. Not even given a second to process the commotion, you are tugged along by Five. Shots ring out, and you try to pull yourself out of his grasp.

"Wait!" You hiss. "What the hell is happening!?" You snap while crouching beneath the rack.

Five stares back at you incredulously. His expression spells out 'excuse me, dumbass?'

"Shit. We don't have time for this. We're partners, like in the future. Some bad shit happened, and we ended up together. Got that? All caught up? We have to go now."

He yanks you up and tries to do his weird teleporting thing again, but gets hit with some weird bullet. It causes him to seize and fall to his knees. You risk a glance up to see two armed people in masks heading straight towards the both of you. You can't breathe.

"W-What?" You squeak out in panic.

You drop to the ground near him as your breath quickens. The air around you smells so stale, like it's depriving you of oxygen instead of giving it to you. You clutch your chest in a futile attempt to calm yourself. One moment turns into two, and you hear nothing going on around you.

A sneak peek, and the intruders are frozen. You turn your gaze toward the floor and see that Five isn't moving an inch. There are no smells—putrid or refreshing. There seems to be no air, but your chest is still moving. There is nothing but this moment. 

"Completely alone. Frozen in time. I can freeze time!? What the fuck? This is like... I can do this?" You whisper-shout to yourself. Why are you whispering? You can shout as loud as you'd like. "Fuck yeah!"

Another bullet rings out.

Okay, perhaps yelling isn't okay in accordance with freezing time.

The same pair of arms drags you under the check-out counter. You take a moment to catch your breath and smile. Police sirens blare from somewhere outside. You hear the intruders scramble to retreat and escape.

"You haven't gotten any smarter." Five mumbles wistfully as he leans against your shoulder. "I've found you again. Question, my baby. Stay with me a while. Stay."

He finally has you again. Clever darling, thinking you can use your past to hide from him. He'll just have to start all over again. He can do that, and not even time can keep him away from you now.

[revelboo]

Okay now that my exams are over I go to the beach with friends and family and I can't stop thinking about Mer!Megatron x Reader 😩 ugh I want him to drag me to the bottom of the sea ngl 🤣🤣

xD he might

Seek and Destroy Pt 3

Mer!Megatron x Reader

Skin prickling as goosebumps spread in a flush along your arms, you know he’s out there. Can feel it in your bones in a breathless mix of anticipation and fear. And you have no idea why you’re out here. Maybe you’re like those horror movie heroines you like to laugh at, too stupid to live. Drawn in by a weird sound in the basement and walking right toward the monster.

You keep remembering how he’d smelled, electric like a storm on the ocean. Searching the waves, you slide a fingertip against the impossibly healed, pink line on your palm and you remember the weight of him pinning you. The heat of his body and the coldness of the wet sand under you. Those sharp teeth and his low, guttural snarling. That he could have hurt you badly and hadn’t. So why are you out here tempting fate? Looking for danger.

It’s funny. In stories, mermaids are supposed to be pretty, but he wasn’t. Scarred and angry, a predator raging against death. You think of those sharp teeth, those luminous red eyes staring down at you as he’d loomed over you. Knowing he was going to rip your throat out, drag you under. You’d been certain of it looking into those eyes. He’d hated you. But he’d still let you live, hadn’t harmed you. So why? And why are you looking for him?

Claws dug into the sandy bottom as the warm currents push and pull at him, his tail flicks to toss up sand and send small fish darting away in a silvery cloud. Keeps thinking of the two legged monster that cut him loose. The acrid stink of your fear as you’d tried to help him. Trying to understand how your kind are apex predators, because you? Too soft and trusting. No claws or fangs. You’d been helpless. Rolling in the sand, he partially buries himself and tries not to think of how unexpectedly soft you’d been or the soft sound of your frightened chirping.

Feels the shift before the pulse washes over him and the webbed spines along his back lift slightly. Watching the first shape sail past where he’s resting, delicate crimson fins flared slightly as the seeker rolls upside down as he passes over him. How had they found him again? Ignoring Starscream trying to provoke him, his tail flicks watching the other two approaching more cautiously. The last of his hunting party. The other three survivors who’d failed the ones counting on them. And while Starscream wants to blame him, he knows Soundwave and Shockwave feel the burden of that guilt. Even if it was all his fault. His decision that cost them everything. Their futures.

“No,” he growls, reluctantly stirring from the sand and swimming away. And not at all surprised when they follow him. How many times does he need to run them off? Why do they keep coming back for him?

“Abandoning us, too?” Starscream snarls, sharp fins flaring as he cuts him off. “Like you abandoned our mates and young?”

And those words hurt because those deaths are his fault. So why can’t they leave him to his misery? Let him die trying to bring as many of those things down with him as he can. “We could stop them once and for all together,” Shockwave says and Megatron refuses to swim faster. To run from them. His brothers.

Realizing too late that he’s angling toward the shore. Homing in unconsciously on where he’d found you and he snarls changing directions. What does he care about soft, two legged creatures with pretty voices? “There’s no stopping them. Only death.” His death. And he didn’t need distractions. Doesn’t need them or you.

Fins bristling when Soundwave brushes against him, his oldest friend. Tendrils drifting behind him, Soundwave rolls to circle him. “Agreed,” Soundwave growls and Megatron flicks his tail. Doesn’t want their help. Or to be responsible for more death. Why haven’t they moved on? Found new pods, a new home, and started over? Maybe they can’t, just like he can’t. Grieving like he’s grieving, but this isn’t their duty. He led them hunting, left their home vulnerable thinking the younger males could protect the others. He’d been wrong.

Previous

[gffa]

Hey, are you feeling salty about STAR WARS for no reason whatsoever, just totally happened randomly, and want some fic that reflects the Jedi Order of the movies and TCW? Ones that are novel-length time travel fix-its to really make yourself feel better? Then I have some ones that I've been reading and really enjoying! Because I think maybe we could all use a bunch of fic to get lost in over the weekend, just 'cause. STAR WARS TIME TRAVEL FIC RECS: ✦ there is no death ashkav, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cal & quinlan & ocs & cast, time travel, 134.9k wip Darth Vader is a cataclysmic event, and Cal, delirious with pain, scrambles to catch the hilt of his saber as he begins to drag it out their corpses – and that’s what he and Cere are, corpses, with only a last few seconds of misfiring neurons left in them, no matter how much BD-1 trills and punches stim after stim into his arm – they are tipping past that point of no return now, and Cal needs to do something right now before it’s too late for – for what?

✦ Take it from the top and try again by mauvera, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & padme & mace & dooku & cast, time travel, 142.3k wip     Five years into his self imposed exile on Tattooine, Obi-Wan Kenobi is gifted the chance to go back and bring hope back to the galaxy. With hindsight on his side, he fully intends to save his master, save his padawan, make some new and old friends again, prepare the Jedi for a war they’ll hopefully never see and begin to pull apart all the many tangled threads of the Sith Lord’s plans. Should be relatively easy. Right?

✦ Let Go by Micillyn, qui-gon & obi-wan & anakin & padme & cast, time travel, 101.5k Qui-Gon did not expect to die on Naboo. Nor did he realise that by insisting for Anakin to be trained as a Jedi, the boy would one day fall and become Darth Vader. Foresight, it seems, did not confer the gift of infallibility, yet if it took all those tragedies to destroy the Sith and restore balance to the Force and hope to the galaxy, then perhaps it wasn't so bad after all. Or, the story as happened in the movies is the fix-it, and this is the story of the disaster that happened before the time-travel happened.

✦ a distant fire is burning by e_va, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cal & cast, time travel, 47.4k wip Cal Kestis can move backwards in time (kinda-sorta-not really), and his confrontation with Darth Vader in the Fortress Inquisitorius plays out a lot differently. Fixing the timeline while stuck in his 10-year-old body will be quite the task, but Cal is up to it. He has to be.

✦ Reprise by Elfpen, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & mace & cast, time travel, 558.9k wip Ben Kenobi dies aboard the Death Star in the year 0 BBY. He wakes up shortly thereafter in the Jedi temple in the year 41 BBY. Haunted by memories and regret, Ben must forge a new path for himself in the Jedi Order of his youth while navigating the murky waters of time travel. Crafting a better future from bitter experience is hard, but learning to heal is even harder. Major AU.

✦ Unexpected Awakening (The Rewrite) by Rhiw, obi-wan & qui-gon & anakin & feemor & bruck & jango & cast, time travel, 135.1k wip     The life of General Kenobi is cut short at the hands of his Padawan, but the sight that greets his eyes upon awakening is not that of blinding light of the Force, but the Jedi Temple he knew when he was still a youth. As he struggles to understand the path laid out before him, Obi-Wan unwittingly captures the attention of a singularly unusual Temple Guard, and that of a reluctant Qui-Gon Jinn.

✦ Averting Galactic Destruction by kj_feybarn, obi-wan & anakin & quinlan & rex & cody & fives & dogma & wolffe & plo & shaak & dooku & sidious, time travel, 44.3k     AKA The Time the Force Sent Obi-Wan Back in Time and Quinlan Vos kept him from Going Kamikaze because let’s be Honest, Being Forced to Come Back in Time Would Suck.

[mtcloudsworld]

𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑫𝑰𝑺𝑬 | nanami.k

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: to put it simply, newlyweds in paradise.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: smut, mdni, +18, adult themes, married couple, vacation, plus!size reader, strong language, public fucking (?) insecurity, grinding, kissing, making out, creampie, p in v, (a tad bit) oral (f receiving), masturbation, fucking pet names: darling, daddy sweetheart, baby, doll

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑: I'm telling y'all nanami could get it anytime, i swear to god. If I had a second chance at life it would be to marry Nanami Kento and have five kids with two dogs and a house somewhere where it's less chaotic, less stress. Side note: I did edit this over a few times but it may need to be edited again. So if you see any errors, kindly ignore them :) thank you!

p.s: thank you for all the love and support y'all have shown in this post, it means the world to me <3<3<3

Give me paradise and Husband!Nanami Kento any time of the day ─ somewhere, anywhere on a tropical island where it's sunny, peaceful, and sweet. Where things are slow and steady, unproblematic. Where life is starting to become more and more easier to handle.

As i walked around the villa in search of my hubsand. The crashing of waves gradually compels me to step out onto the porch past the white double doors. I feel myself absentmindedly inhaled the sweet scent of Jasmine and coconut. I stood there for a good minute just soaking it all in.

Soaking in what could be my future, what could have my life in a chokehold, what could be the start of a new chapter. The moment we looked at the reviews of the villa, they did not disappoint.

From the cleaniness of the land, the people, food and scenery, I fell in love with it all and the idea of starting a whole new life here. The view of the beach had me in awe and at the same time I felt at ease. So far nothing felt out of place or overwhelmingly discomforting.

If I were at home I would feel all the negative side effects that came with it.

Nonetheless, something catches my attention from the corner of my eye

As I turn my head to the left, I see him.

Lounged back in a chair, man-spreading causally dressed in a beige button-up with the first three buttons open and black slacks. A freshly pair of white air force ones and his famous silver watch on his left wrist.

Despite the wind blowing mildly his hair was pushed back in place with a couple of strands in his face. Eyes steadily gazing over the turquoise sea.

I slowly approached him with my heels clicking against the white porch. The tension in his shoulders soon disappeared when he caught a glimpse of me. The look on his face unreadable as he leisurely scans over my body. Selectively watching how my tits jiggle and hips switch with each step I take.

His mouth gaped slightly open, I could see the outline of his tongue dragging across the inside of his cheek to then close and clench his jaw. I even noticed how the muscle in his forearm flexed as his thumb proceeded to crack each finger before stretching them out. I was starting to feel a wave of emotions hit me all at once when he didn't say much. As I stood before him I was unsure if this reaction was of disapproval, shock or astonishment. I ask, "Do you not...like it?" My brows knitted out of concern as I continue to glance over him.

Dumbfounded, he scoffs with a shake of his head, brow raised at my choice of words. "Far from it, darling," He piqued, sitting back and observing me as if he was a guest at a fashion show, pondering over the model's appearance.

"You just look so fucking gorgeous. So perfect." He affirms bluntly. The desire in his orbs don't go unnoticed when they scale up to meet my gaze.

The anxious feeling from within disappears when the ends of his lips curl into a grin. Speechless and shy, I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks.

I could only assume this man was feeling like a dog in heat. Tilting his head sideways, he tells me to give him a little show. His finger moving around in circles I follow his instructions while he admires the roundness of my ass clinged by the very thing that snugged and pronounced every inch of my curves.

I wasn't on board with getting it at first. Due to my own insecurities, I hated how revealing it was. Since I wasn't used to skin-tight clothing, it made me feel exposed in a way. I was so used to wearing the usual baggy clothes, street and tomboy wear and keeping myself modest at times. This dress in particular failed to hide the crevices and shape of my anatomy from the naked eye.

The moment I stepped out of the dressing room that day, I could see it all over his face. He was persistent as hell in buying it, wasn't taking no ifs, ands, or buts as a response or to derail his decision. Passionately in love with how it emphasized me to a T, especially making my pudgy stomach visible, he gave me his card and told me to go purchase it. And after battling with myself internally, I obliged to it...only for his own pleasure.

He hummed pleasingly when he reached for me to sit comfortably on his lap with his hands placed at my hips he stations me and gives me a kiss on my cheek sweetly.

"I was wondering where you were. Should've known you were back here." I took my place on my heavenly throne (his lap) and draped my legs over his with one ankle over the other. Arm rested around his shoulder and my hand placed at his chest. While his large calloused hands occupied themselves along the planes of my body, his soft lips still left loving kisses to my cheek.

"I hope mother dearest looooves this dress." I snickered with sarcasm laced in my voice. I draw out the word "love" while I gaze down at myself. His attention drawn to my hands, adjusting the spillage of my cleavage. I try my best to make it less revealing, not wanting to hear her mouth about the importance of why women shouldn't dress the way I am. "Lord knows she'll have a hissy fit if I'm not looking my best." I murmured, mostly (out loud) to myself, "Dad? I'm not so worried about. He usually likes me in anything."

I was in my own little world for awhile till I looked over and realized his expressionless gaze had fallen on me.

I lock eyes with him moving my hair out of my face in the process to then stare in silence. Feeling awkward and off guard by the studied glare he gives me, I break the silence.

"What?"

He hums, "hm," eyes wandering over me shamelessly. He decides it's "nothing," but still, I could see the wheels turning.

And though I know, and it irks my nerves when he says it's ''nothing'' when really it's ''something''. My eyes squint at him not fully convinced.

Still unable to shake off the weird look on his face he then gives me a faint smirk. Elbow propped on the armrest, his fingers ghost over his chin, pointer finger grazing across his bottom lip to then pinches it in thought.

He chuckles.

"Whaaaat?" I draw out in laughter. "Why are you looking at me like that?!" I start to fidget with the ruffling of my dress, chuckling nervously.

"It's just..." he scoffs with a shake of his head and then sighs, ".. You look beautiful, baby. What you're wearing is perfectly fine. There's no reason for her to act out of character over it." He says gracefully, drawing attention to my obsessive fiaxtion on looking "perfect" for my mother. Knowing how my mother is, she always had an opinion on my appearance. It never fails.

My words may not say it, but my face surely will. As much as I say it doesn't bother me when she says something offhand about my curvy physique, it usually stings my feelings just as badly as an earlobe getting burned by a curling iron.

Gently, he goes to move a curl behind my ear to then stroke the side of my face in return.

"I'm trying, but you know how she is." I murmured, "One minute, she says she loves it, then the next she finds something to knit-pick at, it's not easy to satisfy her." I explain briefly, messing with the gold wedding band on his finger.

"I know," a sudden flash of sadness and yet annoyance blinds me and I sigh. Part of him loathed that I was deeply conditioned to feel ashamed by how curvy I am, that I needed to act or be a certain way in order to do xyz all because of my mothers antics. "But don't let it get to you. You always look good in everything." He confirms while his eyes drift over me, "I mean, you wore this dress for me, didn't you?" He asked in a way to disregard what my mother may think of me.

"Tch, yeah, and only for you." I snicker, glancing at him amusingly, "I wouldn't wear this for anybody else, not even myself." I mumbled the last part but he heard. Humming in response.

"Hm," he shifts himself comfortably beneath me and shrugs, stating, "it's still a working progress, though." Before giving me a small smile and places another kiss to my cheek. His words were true, little by little I was becoming more open to certain things and slowly crawling out of my reserved shell but it was still difficult.

"You should wear dresses like this more often, you look like a goddess." i could feel underneath the palm of my hand his chest rise and fall. Feeling his breath hit the side of my neck with kisses planted to my flesh, he nearly moans to my sweet aroma, "Mm, you smell so good," vanilla and honey, his favorite scent, I was pratcially flushed against him now.

My eyes fluttering close in awe, I bask in his affection. Cupping at his face, encouragingly my thumbs begin to rub along his sharp jawline. It slacks as he gives me open mouth kisses to the space below my jaw. I moan softly in response to the hard tent against my ass when I moved. A low groan rumbling in the depths of his chest, his hips shift a little in discomfort.

On high alert, I internally panic. Eyes wide, my attention grasp to his teeth suddenly beginning to nibble and suck at my flesh like a fucking leech.

"No─ No hickies, baby," I whined in reluctant disdain. "I don't want to be scolded by my mother─ Ah, shit, Nanami! ...Nanami, are you... listening to me?" I nudge his shoulder. His strong hand getting a good grip on my hip and the other on my thigh, his fingers dug into my fleshy barrier, thumb caressing left and right soothingly against my smooth skin he continues to keep going despite me scolding him.

Aside from my moans giving him a clear understanding that i was enjoying every bit of this, i still had a warning tone underneath it all.

I pull back to glare at him in bewilderment.

He deadpans.

"You're my wife, baby." He emphasizes, chuckling darkly.

He expresses, "If I wanna put a hickey on your neck. I'll gladly put a damn hickey on your neck. At least then it'll let everybody know you've been spoken for. She has no reason to meddle in our business."

He spoke with such deep annoyance. His focus still on me, unwavering, his lips skim over the place where he wanted them the most. Teeth nibbling again, he forms his territorial marking along my skin.

Purposefully making it visible for the next person to see, including my mother.

"You're a grown woman living a happily married life now. She doesn't need to be hovering over you anymore, questioning and controlling every aspect of your life like your some little kid." He claims bluntly, "you're grown enough to wear what you want, say what you want, do what you want without feeling judged or insecure. If she has a problem with that, then she can take it and shove it up her ass─ respectfully, of course." He says searching my eyes for some kind of understanding.

And when I didn't answer right away, my attention was drawn back to him with his hand cupping my jaw. "You understand me, sweetheart?"

I nod in response, "yes I understand, I'm sorry." I apologize, feeling bad for allowing that habit to get the best of me.

It was safe to say from the beginning that Nanami has always had a love-hate relationship with my mother.. mostly hate. It was hard accepting my mother for who she was. Harder enough to build a relationship with someone who always judged any and everything. Who loved to be in control and stuck in their own ways. Sometimes... he even wonders how my dad got into the mix of all this. He even asked if my dad got hoodwinked into marying her. Even though I found it hilarious at the time, I knew deep down he was deadass, deeply concerned. At some point, he just assumed my dad might need some savings down the road, saying he'll do just about anything to get him away from that woman. Because that's just how intense she was. My dad was the exact opposite of everything she was: forgiving, accepting, loving, considerate, sensitive, strong, selfless, he was everything l came to be and secretly mom despised that.

"Just..be yourself, love. Do what makes you feel comfortable, yeah?" He sighs, knuckles reaching up to brush over and against my cheek.

I could only nod, feeling a city of butterflies swarm inside my stomach. I instantly melt like a puddle when his orbs grew loving. When the gentle, patient yet understanding part of him I love so much has me wrapped his finger.

Long, slender, finger hooked underneath my chin, our faces were only inches away when his gaze pinned my lips. Planting a smooth smooch to my lips, I cuddle myself into him immediately and brush my nose against his. Giving him a few pecks in return turned our kisses to a deep, passionate make out session. Shared salvia, heavy breaths, audible moans and tongues in battle turned our lips swollen and beat red.

Sneaky hand that was once hooked underneath my knee soon slithered up and under my dress. Groping and kneading at my thigh all at the same time his other hand flatten at the small of my back to pressing my tits flushed against his harden chest. I froze when I feel his hand twist and snuggle in between my thighs to rub at my warmth.

Hesitant, my thighs clasps. "Baby, we don't have time... we have...less than... 10 minutes." I mumbled in the kiss. He gives me a wolfish grin when he hears me gasp, recognizing his fingers tenderly rubbing at my clit in circular motion.

"That's just enough time, darling," he says mischievously giving me a lewd glare before demanding that I face forward, back against chest.

Chocolate, golden legs spread apart and dress hiked up around my hips. Immediately, I hear him chuckle darkly. The pretty sight between my legs made him give me a knowing yet sultry look. I gulp, my cheeks hot when a rush of bashfulness hits me.

"Mm, no panties, baby?" I shiver to the wind blowing against my core. "You were just plotting for a good ol' time, huh?" He questions, playfulness and amusement lacing in his voice.

Guilty as charged, although I was plotting a little something something after our 2 o'clock lunch reservation with my parents, I was not expecting to be fingered down so soon.

Clearly, the dress had him in a chokehold if he was so eager to get me all riled up.

So enamored, fixated by the way it hugged every inch of my curvy yet thick physique in this tight material, he could barely keep his eyes on my face.

"Maybe..." I teased, giving him feign innocence.

He stares down at his prize possession clinging around nothingness, lightly ghosting his finger over the outline of my cunt, it sends a nerve irking shiver up my spine.

The tickling sensation makes me flinch out of sensitivity. "Just looking forward to me ruining her, huh baby?" He quips, referring to my pussy.

Puffy and plush, it sobbed for attention. Eager and helpless as well, she had a mind of her own. Around him, she was just like a waterfall. A constant flow of desire and need for this man was unmistakable.

At times, it got annoying, but I accepted it for what it was. "Mm, such a pretty pussy, isn't she, baby?" He gleams, keeping his concentration on his fingers dragging over my center ever so slowly.

"uh h-huh," I stutter.

Dainty hands grasp at the arms of the chair when I feel his fingers slip past my folds and enclosed over my clit to rub it some more. Arousal coating every inch of my center, I feel a digit...or two slip into my hole.

I hum, rolling my lips inward to the deep thrusting of his appendages going in and out of me steadily. Tense to the tightness of my walls, I find it hard to accommodate when I was heavily distracted with his other hand creeping up the right side of my torso.

Hard and perky nipple poking through the thin material, his hand palms at my clothed breast. He hears me make a sibilant noise when his finger grazes over my agonizing nipple in circles

By his own free will he obliges to pulling down my spaghetti strap from my shoulder. His mouth instantly watering once the top of my dress reveals my swollen tits. Inwardly he groans hungrily.

He moves my arm from my side to wrap around his shoulder again. Turning me a little, he cups my tit with such care giving it a firm squeeze before strumming over the sensitive bud with his thumb.

As his hungry kisses trail along the tips of my chest to the valley of my breasts, his mouth then gets closer and closer to my aerola.

"F-fuck, that feels so good," A sigh of relief escapes me as I glance over him making out with my nipple. His mouth worked tirelessly as he continued to suck it gently for good measure before flicking his tongue against it.

As I absentmindedly worked my hips against his fingers that were pumping quickly in rhythmic motion, a series of raunchy, lusty moans fled past my lips. "Y-yes, just like that..." I moaned, noticing my fingers give the ends of his hair a good grip.

"Such a good girl for daddy, aren't you baby? Just taking my fingers so well. I mean, just look at you...so fucking wet for me. You love riding my fingers like this babygirl?"

"Y-yes, I do... I love it..s-so... much." I heavily breathed, gripping at the chair for dear life.

Overwhelmed by the pleasure of it all, I focus on the wet sticky sounds from my cunt. it arousing me further i buck my hips to his touch as i could feel the bulit up pressure from my stomach wanting to bust.

The bottom of my lip caught between my teeth, I felt my feet push on my tippy toes, knees bent and back arched, i feel my head plant back on his shoulder.

"F-fuck, m'gonna cum." I confirmed thinking this would be the end.

But Nanami had other plans.

"Hm, not so fast, baby."

I whine when i feel the disappearance of his warmth. He tells me to stand up for a moment, and I do, this time preoccupying myself with rubbing at my clit slowly.

The sound of a belt buckle, zipper coming undone, and then some shuffling were the actions of a man feening to get his dick cared for.

I could honestly say hearing all of this going on behind me turned my anticipation into curiosity. When I looked back to see his hooded eyes darkly boring at the sight of my leaking pussy, I was quickly distracted by his large calloused hand pumping his heavy cock slowly.

"Oh, baby..." I moaned at the sight. Fingers nearly quickening. I drool hearing him grunt to his cock twitching in agony. Observing the precum leak from past his pink mushroom shape tip to the under side of his length, made me want nothing more than to milk him like as fucking cow.

His tongue darted past his lips to wet them when he leaned forward. His face inches away from my ass he dives in for a taste. The vibrations of his moans once his drooling mouth got in contact with my cunt makes me gasp-moan. My hand flying to his head, my fingers curl around his hair and tug to his tongue maneuvering at my folds. I whimper feeling him reluctantly pull away, his hand playing with himself a little bit more

My train of thought is cut off when I hear his question, "Is she ready for me, baby?" Clocking his eyes to me.

"Mhmm." I nod lowering myself to him.

Before I knew it, his cock was buried in my sloppy wet cunt. Hip slamming against me, balls slapping my cunt, tip kissing my cervix repetitively, equally we were both disheveled with bated breathes, sticky foreheads and aching bodies.

"I'm so happy you're mine, all. fucking. mine. You're so amazing baby, so perfect."

"Oh, daddy...right there.." I whimper-moaned.

While he fucked me carelessly, he whispered sweet nothings to my ear kissing the base of my neck to my shoulder he keeps me steady as focuses on the feeling of my tight warmth, "Shit, doll, this pussy s'gonna be the death of me." He grunts tilting his head back.

My cervix kissed his tip sweetly with each thrust, noticing the enclosed space becoming tighter and tighter, praises and coos and raunchy moans continue to fill our back porch ten times more with little regard.

Nami decides to switch up the pace, breath becoming more hot and heavy against my skin, my own becomes uneven. My face is twisting and turning in deep pleasure to his hips roughly slamming into me.

I plea, "d-don't stop, deeper...baby."

He released a breathless chuckle, smirking. "Oh trust me baby I'm....s-shit...not going to."

With each stroke, a cry of pleasure is uttered. With each cry, come to me essentially, losing all feeling in my limps.

His hands were already hooked under my knees and lifted them. Abusing his elbows against the chair's arms, he uses them as leverage with his feet planted firmly against the ground.

With more flexibility, I could feel him salaciously pounding into my throbbing pussy. My cries turning into wails. I screw my eyes close once I recognize the tight knot at the pit of my stomach.

"If you keep clenching like that m'gonna end up coming inside of you." He warned, but I didn't care.

"Do it," I hurriedly begged, "please, baby, do it. I want it, every ounce of you, I wanna feel you come inside of me, baby, I wanna be filled to the brim."

Hearing my words made his thrusts become more aggressive at the end, losing all sense of control and sanity, the care was long gone, loving how his dick was abusing me made his grip around me tighten to the point nail crescents formed at my skin.

"Your wish is my command, darling."

The pain felt good, though, it was evident in the lewd, crude screams that escaped me, my hands ruthlessly tugging at his hair while his face was buried in the crock of my neck. He gave zero fucks as he screwed me deeper and harder.

"S-shit, daddy...m'cumming, m'cumming..."

"Go on love, cum for me. Come for daddy."

I begin to shake. A rush of creamy liquid running through me effortlessly draws a whimper-moan from out me. His hips rutted when I feel a rippling of his hot cum squirt all over my insides, my hips pressed against him, I grind against him, clenching around his cock to get every ounce of him to fill me before he decides to slip from out of my tight hole.

The porch became quiet. No sudden movement of sorts were heard except for bated breathes. Feeling his chest rise and fall against my back I leaned into him lazily. His head was planted back against the chair, he focuses on getting himself under control.

Once I had calmed down, I grabbed ahold of his wrist to see the time.

My eyes nearly bulged out other sockets when I read we were more than 10 minutes late.

I then feel him trail kisses to my shoulder blade but I pull away. "We're 30 minutes late, Nanami." I huff tiredly, giving him a knowing yet annoyed glare.

I knew deep down inside that shit wasn't gonna be 10 minutes, I just knew it.

But because I let this man swindle me into fucking the shit out of me I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Now we were both hot fucking mess, clothes and hair disheveled, we smelt like sex, we couldn't possibly go out like this...and yet all this man could do was laugh. He literally found this shit funny. Giving me a bright ass mischievous smirk, I get a quick peck to the lips when he noticed how serious I am, telling me, "They'll be okay." He stated with a one sided shrug checking the time one last time before standing up and carrying me inside the villa bridal style.

"Another hour wouldn't hurt 'em."

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃

𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋 ©𝐦𝐭𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐬𝟐𝟎𝟐��

[logansdoll]

Heyyy it would be awesome if you wrote a third part for “37” where Charles gives Logan’s memories back and we go through flashbacks of some of his best memories, his wedding, the day his kids were born…something like that, it would be very heartwarming 🥰🥰🥰 or even maybe coming back from the past and seeing his kids again

sunflower

part three of "37"

CW: fluffy fluff, all the feels, suggestive, profanity, takes place after the events of Days Future Past, very bittersweet, your daughter's a lil menace, your son's a lil cutie pie, angst if you squint, i never know how to end these things, etc.

"Logan, the mind is a fickle thing," Charles sighed, resting his hands on his desk with a solemn look. "I can't possibly guarantee that this will work, much less in one session—" "I don't care how long it takes."

Logan's face drew tight with the statement, his patience visibly wearing thin.

He'd been listening to the same bullshit for twenty minutes...

"I don't care if I need a hundred different fuckin' sessions. I'm gettin' these memories back," he spelled out, leaning forward in his seat and roughly tapping his finger on the desk. "It doesn't make any damn sense. This body's been in this timeline for fifty-fuckin'-years and it doesn't remember shit."

"Because it is your consciousness that is the problem, Logan," Charles groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That is what I've been trying to tell you."

Logan piped down for a moment, brows knitting together as he leaned back in his seat, taking an annoyed drag of his cigar.

"Your psyche is from a completely different timeline, and now resides in a completely different body. It's like asking to recall the memories of a random person walking down the street," the professor explained, again.

Sadly, he hung his head, greatly sorry for the misfortune of his friend.

"I wish there was something I could do, Logan. Truly. But I'm afraid it just can't be done."

But Logan didn't buy it.

Huffing a small plume of smoke out his nose, he glanced out the window, catching sight of you teaching a class on the lawn.

Using your powers, you grew a large sunflower out from the ground, the younger kids marveling at the sight as you began pointing out its anatomy, most of them enamored by the huge petals—which were bigger than their little six year-old frames.

And in a small pause in time, your eyes flitted up to meet his through the window, that heart-stopping smile finding its way onto your lips as you gave him a tiny wave.

It warmed him, experiencing your light for the first time in years without the threat of annihilation on the horizon.

Domesticity like this is something he'd craved all his life, and now that he had it in his grasp, he wasn't going to settle for anything less.

A stilling chill descended on his chest at the thought of your smile, and the countless others he'd missed.

Your tears of joy when he proposed.

Your frazzled excitement with the wedding planning.

Your radiance as you walked down the aisle.

He missed it all.

And he'd be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to try and get it back.

"Charles..." Logan started, stamping out his cigar in a nearby ashtray. "My whole life is standin' out there under that tree... and I can't remember a goddamn thing about her after 1973."

His tone turned cold, eyes sharp as he stared the professor down.

"I don't care if you have to rip my head in half... I'm gettin' those memories back."

The old man let out a sigh, accepting that going on like this would bring no other outcome.

He'd have to give the man what he wanted... consequences be damned.

'Let's hope he survives...'

"This will be violent," Charles stated off-rip, wheeling himself out from behind his desk. "I am essentially hammering your mind like a dam, making cracks in its defenses until it eventually gives way."

Logan nodded, watching as the man settled in front of him, raising his two fingers to his temple.

"Now... try not to move."

Logan shut his eyes, and in an instant, it felt as if his head was struck by a speeding train.

He let out a growl of pain as images began to flash behind his eyes, the next one always coming quicker than the last.

"Hon, which color do you think would go best with my complexion? Eggshell or Porcelain?" you asked, eagerly holding up two different swatches against your skin.

"You look beautiful in anything, baby," he stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world, wrapping an arm around your waist. "Either one is fine."

"As sweet as that is... it doesn't help," you huffed, playfully attempting to scold him.

"Fine then. Eggshell," he answered, quickly.

You raised a brow, an amused smile playing at your lips as you leaned in closer, "Are you just saying that to get me to shut up?"

He let out a chuckle, resting his forehead against yours, "Never."

Yes...

"Can't wait 'til this damn reception is over," he growled in your ear, lips dragging down your neck as you both hid in a nearby hallway. "First time I've been alone with you since I do."

"Logan..." you gasped, tucking your lip between your teeth in an attempt to muffle yourself as he tightly grasped your hips. "Someone'll hear..."

"Then I guess you better keep quiet," he smirked against your skin, giving your collarbone a soft nip.

It's all coming back...

"Logan..." you started, nervously, hands held firmly behind your back. "I have something to tell you... and I'm open to talk about it if you're upset..."

His brows furrowed as he turned away from his dresser, looking toward you with an air of concern.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his protective instinct spiking at the sight of your fearful expression. "What happened?"

Unable to say it, you slowly held up your hand, revealing a positive pregnancy test.

His eyes widened like saucers, throat drying at the tiny piece of plastic.

"You're... pregnant?"

You nodded, silently, his reaction not soothing your anxiety one bit.

But, as if on cue, he moved toward you, striding across the room and pulling you into a bone crushing hug.

"I'm gonna be a father..." he muttered into your hair, the phrase not one he thought he'd ever hear. "I'm gonna be a father..."

Wait...

"Logan!" you cried, tears welling in your eyes as you glanced up at him, scared. "I can't...mmmph fuck!... I can't do it! Hurts too much!"

"C'mon, baby, keep pushin'. You're doin' so good," he cooed, swiping stray strands of hair out your face as the nurse on the other side of the bed helped cheer you on. "Just a little bit more. You're right there."

With a grunt, you squeezed his hand tight, letting out a growl of pain as you gave another push.

Pop!

Logan's eyes shot wide, the man nearly biting through his tongue as he glanced down at his hand.

You dislocated his finger.

Though it seemed to be worth it as that final push was what did it.

"It's a girl!" the doctor smiled, carefully holding up the newborn.

Looking upon her small, chubbed face, Logan felt a sense of protectiveness sink into his chest—one that he only felt when things came to you.

In that moment, and every moment after that, he knew he would lay his life down for her, no question.

And she wasn't even a minute old yet.

I have—

"James! Get back here!" a little girl squealed with laughter, bursting into the office after a little boy, who looked terrified.

Logan snapped out his head with a gasp, shooting up from his seat and unsheathing his claws out of muscle memory.

'James...'

Quickly, Logan retracted his claws as the boy ducked behind his leg, gripping tightly onto his jeans as the girl stormed over.

She looked just like you, save for a few small details, and had a small snaggle-tooth poking out on her right side, only adding to her adorableness.

Not to mention the bone claws she had protruding from her knuckles.

"No fair! You can't hide behind Dad every time you're scared!" she furrowed her brows, upset.

"Mommy told you about your claws, Laura..." James mumbled, voice barely above a whisper as he shyly peeked out from behind his human shield.

'Laura...'

The boy was Logan's mirror image, looking almost exactly like he did at that age..

Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...

Charles could sense the pieces clicking in Logan's mind, and figured lending a hand would be best after what he'd been through.

"Logan, these are your—" "Laura Marie Howlett!" your voice cut in, the little girl flinching at the sound.

Quickly, she retracted her claws, whipping around with a guilty smile, which was met by your less-than-approving glare.

"What have I told you about chasing your brother inside? And what have I told you about using your claws to do it?" you scolded, walking into the office. "You two are interrupting your father and Professor Xavier."

Logan let out a soft sigh, taking the moment to finally look over his family.

Like a slow moving stream, things were coming back to him, the feeling like a fog clearing from the recesses of his mind.

Every birthday.

Every boo-boo.

Every first.

Slowly but surely, they were all returning.

Without warning, Logan dropped to his knees, pulling the two kids into a tight hug, fiercely fighting off the emotion swelling in his chest.

"Daddy?" James squeaked, concerned.

"Are you okay?" Laura asked, confused.

He nodded, silently, the sight making your heart both burst and ache.

After all this time, your husband was truly whole.

Fifty years of suffering and agony had finally come to an end.

taglist !!

@catiwinky @seamlessepiphany @vinaluvsu @kellyxo1 @amandarobertsboyce  @captainloki1 @qveendiorsworld @sarahskywalker-amidala @mei-simp @oatmilkriver @br3nt-12 @bimboshaggy @lightsgore @edszn @couturewinx @sunroxic @notanotheroldman @bontensbabygirl @buckleysg1rl @marvelgirlie-4 @eljaynosine-triphosphate @nickf1 @pinkisokay @mercurysjoy

[see-arcane]

Hearing today's interaction with the General, Comtesse and 'Millarca' out loud really strikes home 1) how elaborate a setup the charade is, which also highlights 2) how little Carmilla ultimately gives a damn about her eventual snacking spree on the lower class women of the village once she gets around to Laura's home. Because look at all the effort that went into planting her with Bertha and the General. It didn't have to be them, of course. Bertha just caught Millie's eye. But the point is the place it happened: a giant extravagant Rich and Important People masquerade.

The General mentions that he's the closest one to a 'nobody' there, just as Laura's father exists in the shallow end of the well-to-do pool--while still living in a castle with servants. And isn't it something how Millie and her crew have sniffed out targets within that balancing area. Obviously well off (not peasants, lame) but also obviously not big enough in the hierarchy to draw attention if a tragedy were to befall them; at least not enough to go hunting after the crew. (Give or take a General with a vendetta.)

I keep circling it now. How Carmilla/Millarca/Mircalla can and does very easily very quickly target random victims to her taste in the village entirely on her own and drinks them to death in no time. No invitation. No theatre-quality ruses with la Comtesse and company and staged tragic happenings. Just her and her own power, settling for the unpolished girls she has access to in order to preserve her honeymoon period with Laura a little longer.

All this pageantry to attach herself to Bertha, to Laura, and, we can guess, other pedigreed victims in the past, is just that for her. Pageantry. Picking her next meal with her pinkie up. And I think that's important to acknowledge when examining the difference between that MO and her attachment to Laura, regardless of what future chapters will try to insinuate otherwise.

Because if Laura had been any other upper(ish) class girl, she would have been as dead as Bertha ages ago. Drunk and loved to death and promptly ditched. But Carmilla is committed to her and to collecting her into vampirism to drag along with or without consent; a decision the novella never shows her making with any other victim. It's just been corpses all the way down. Either with hasty throwaway meals in the village or dragged out loving suppers made of girls like Bertha. However complicit Carmilla is or isn't in her own monstrosity, she is making choices within it, those choices are classist and self-serving to an undead aristocrat's palette, and they have all ended with her victim, treated with care or not, dead.

And Laura breaks that habit. She isn't just another case of Carmilla playing with her food. She is a spur of true love cracking through who knows how many lifetimes' worth of playacted romance with victims past.

For those who think I am taking le Fanu's wedged in explanation, no, I am not agreeing with the bullshit stance of 'all vampires are faking their love for their victims all the time always! especially the gay ones!!' that the story ultimately tries to pin in place. I'm saying that Carmilla has shown she proves that assumption wrong in both directions.

She doesn't seduce the peasant girls. She just breaks in, chugs them, kills them, and moves on.

She does star in intricate traveling theatre setups to get planted in more than one plush abode with a pretty daughter in it. And with them she does bother with friendship, charm, romance, et cetera, because she sees them as worth bothering with.

And Laura? Laura she latches onto with all the possessive bottomless love that the story implies was thrust upon her once upon a time; the same kind of Love that brought her into undeath. A love she hasn't felt herself once since then, not enough to collect any companion into vampirism. Except for Laura.

Apart from being grateful at having the podcast turn up old stones in this story that I'd either forgotten or completely overlooked. It's a refresher in how genuinely complicated Carmilla is as a character and as a villain. I've run into reads of her that are all purely sympathetic to the point of sanding down all her actions into being someone else's will, it's not her fault she's like this, there's nothing to take away from the story that paints her in a bad light that isn't just the man characters being wrong about vampires and lesbians and lesbian vampires!

And I didn't understand why that irked me so much until I realized that this borders on the same edge of Dracula's defanged makeover into a patchwork woeful dreamboy caricature made of traits that belong to anyone other than himself. Because we like Carmilla. We love Carmilla. She is The Classic Lesbian Vampire and Can Do No Wrong!

Except she does. She very much does, regardless of what biases are there to read in the male characters' framing of vampirism/homosexuality/impurity/Other etc.

The classism is there. The needless serial killing (VS taking a few sips and running) is there. The longing so great it demands she must steal Laura away is there. Just as the love is there, bringing with it the bitter agony and self-made misery of fear that Laura, her Laura, will learn the truth soon, that Carmilla's willpower is second to Carmilla's wants, and she will conscript the girl she loves because that is how a monster loves; it was how she was 'loved' and made what she is.

And God! Think of what would come after Laura being turned! Not just the revelation of what Millie has forced on her, but everything Carmilla has done for ages. All that death she's breezed through for so long is now suddenly a sword hanging over her head, held up by the thread of Laura's affection and her ignorance to what said beloved has been up to on her nights out.

Carmilla isn't a tragic monster because she's inherently innocent and the narrative has simply maligned and mistreated her. Carmilla is tragic because she's been a casual, canny and far from helpless monster for well over a century and is only now being tripped up by the bittersweet fact of her love and all the dread and shame that comes with being a bastard (gender neutral) and knowing that any moment your paramour will learn the truth of what you are.

tl; dr: Today's chapter hit me with an epiphany stick. Just as Dracula didn't deserve to be defanged by over a century of sanitizing and sexifying, Carmilla doesn't deserve to have all her sharp edges blunted into a helpless anti-villain/antihero because Girl. She's in on this gothic horror villain shit. Said villain shit needs acknowledging to make the reality of her romance with Laura stand out as truly tragically shattering to her undead lifestyle.

[wongyuseokie]

Exile | k.m.g

Summary: You two were high school sweethearts, and your love story was something only found in the scripts of a shitty teenage rom-com, but he was a jock, and you were shy and quiet. It shouldn’t have worked, but somehow it did. Now, fast forward ten years, and things aren’t the same. Your lives aren’t the same; he’s stuck in the past, and you only focus on the future. Neither of you has your priorities straight, and neither realises that your present is a complete and utter mess. You won’t let him go because he’s all you’ve ever known, and he won’t let you go because you’re the only thing right in his life, but will love and high school promises keep you two together?

☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ☁︎ angst | ♕smut | ♥ completed works

Word Count: 20,221 words

Pairings: Kim Mingyu x Female Reader Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): Slice of Life AU! Fluff, Angst, Smut (the holy trinity, if you will) 

Content Warnings: Slice of Life AU! (don’t say I didn’t warn you; this won’t be a nice one, or will it hee-hee). Yelling, swearing, crying, arguments. Couples counselling–do note I am not an actual therapist. I just write fiction. Incredibly angsty. Body insecurities and mentions of blood are not much or graphic. Smut Warnings: unprotected sex (don’t do this). Fingering, oral (male and female receiving). Multiple orgasms, squirting, hand jobs. Use of sex toys. Hickies. Dry humping. Mingyu cums in his trousers (but like, what can I say? He’s in love). Shower sex.   Authors Note 1: This is a Seventeen rewrite of an old fic of mine, so if it looks familiar, that’s why hehe. 

Author’s Note 2: Thank you to my darling @the-boy-meets-evil for beta'ing this despite being so busy. I love you dearly. Part of the Broken Illusions Stories

© wongyuseokie 2024. All rights reserved.

“Okay, I kept my mouth shut the entire dinner, but honey, this is the fifth time you’ve been back home since you and Mingyu moved in together, and I still see no ring. No signs of a marriage, nothing,” your mother started to say as she sipped her wine, making you groan as you took a large gulp of yours. 

“Can we not ruin every trip back home with this?” You moaned, and your mother shrugged. 

“I’m ruining nothing, but honey, ten years, and you two still aren’t engaged or together. As a mother, I want to know you have stability,” your mother spoke, looking down at the red-coloured liquid in her glass. 

“I don’t need a husband for stability,” you bit back, making your mother raise her brow in disapproval at you with your tone. 

“I never said that, but how long do you two just plan on dating? You two have moved in and been together for ten years. Now? Honey, he hasn’t even come back to visit the last two times you came,” your mother continued explaining, making you groan. 

“I’m thinking he dodged a bullet,” you mumbled, earning a sigh from your mother. 

“Besides, he hasn’t even proposed, so why should I pressure him?” You suggested, and your mother frowned at you. 

“You could ask him?” Your mother offered gently, and you sighed deeply.

“Or are you like him? Dragging your feet?” Your mother questioned, and you shrugged. 

“We’re comfortable. Why is that not enough for you?” You asked, genuinely wondering why your mother always brought this topic up.

“Is it enough for you? To be comfortable? If that’s what you are willing to settle for, then sure, but my love, comfort is fine, but it’s dangerous. When you’re too comfy in a relationship, you take every second for granted, and you think it’ll last forever, and you get lazy,” your mother lectured, making you roll your eyes at her. 

“Can you stop projecting your marriage or failed marriage onto my thriving relationship?” You asked immediately, feeling guilt surge through your veins at your harsh words. 

Your mother only ever wanted to help you. 

“Mum,” you started to say, stopping when she held a hand up to stop you. 

“It’s because of my failed marriage I can spot the warning signs from a mile away. I’m not saying you and Mingyu will be a repeat of what your father and I were, but if you don’t get clarity on where you two stand, you’ll always be in the grey with him,” your mother explained before finishing off her drink. 

“I don’t need him to prove anything to me, but when was the last time you spoke about the future?” Your mother asked, and you fumbled to give her an answer and came up blank, making your mother only sigh more. 

“Get some rest. You have an early train to catch tomorrow. This is food for thought,” your mother said kindly before standing up to hug you and heading upstairs. 

You sighed deeply, took in the night sky, and thought hard. 

You and Mingyu stopped discussing the future when he kissed you at sixteen. Sure, you two were young, but you knew in your heart he was the one. But as your relationship progressed, Mingyu seemed to hold onto the past, and anytime the future would come up, he’d change topics and walk away, and if he tried to reminisce, you’d walk away. 

You two were in different tenses, but neither of you ever wanted to acknowledge the present. 

The present, where the last time you two had a date night was five months ago, and the last time he made love to you—properly, not just a quick fuck or a sloppy blowjob—but the last time he was intimate with you, was also five months ago. The present you and Mingyu shared looked like a foreshadowing of a hollow future. You let out a frustrated groan. 

You and Mingyu had to talk if you wanted to save whatever you two had, but why did it feel like a part of you had already let go?

“Sweetie, the wine may have made me too bold, and I apologise for overstepping. Your relationship is none of my business,” your mother apologised for the fifth time that day, and the most recent apology was in the car on the way to the train station. 

“It’s fine. I guess you’re not wrong. You did give me a lot to think about. I got defensive because I’ve felt distant from him, we’ve both not had the time, and I guess I felt like you were calling me out when I know that’s not the case,” you admitted, and your mother gave you a soft smile before turning back to look at the road. 

“It’s like a bandaid; maybe he feels the same, and a talk will help, but keeping it in your head, where your demons lie, that’s the worst, so just rip it off and let the wound heal with time,” your mother said wisely making you smile. 

“If anything goes wrong, I’m always a safe place for you to come home to,” your mother added, and you nodded at her, thanking her profusely as you hugged her goodbye. While you appreciated her offer, you did not want to be back here sobbing and seeking refuge in a week. 

 You shook your head, trying to free yourself of the thoughts taking over your mind, taunting you, that you and Mingyu were destined to end. 

You two would be fine; you both survived high school and university and would continue to do so in the long run, but one question kept plaguing your mind. 

Why was the main aim to survive? 

Why wasn’t it to rekindle the flame? 

Why did it feel so desperate, and why did he feel so far away? ~~ Warning Signs  ~~

It felt weird. That’s the first thing you noted the minute you placed your hand on the doorknob of your apartment. You usually didn’t notice such insignificant details, but the doorknob felt cold.

Was it a preemptive sign that you’d be greeted with coldness from Mingyu? 

Or was it the frost that had settled over your relationship that made everything you touched feel cold?

You drew in a deep breath for courage, something to face him. You knew him forever and didn’t know where the sudden apprehension came from. Why did it all feel so difficult? 

“Baby!” You were greeted with Mingyu yelling. His arms moved to wrap around your waist and carried you as he planted a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Missed you,” Mingyu mumbled against your lips, making you smile, but that moment was short-lived when you saw the state of the house. 

“What’s wrong? I know I didn’t do anything, considering you just walked in?” Mingyu joked, placing you down on the floor. 

“The house is a state. You knew I was coming home today. Why is it such a mess?” You complained, and Mingyu frowned, following you into the living room. 

“Why don’t you nap, and I’ll clean up?” Mingyu offered, and you shook your head. 

“How would I sleep if you’re cleaning up? It’d be noisy, jeez, Mingyu. You know it’s not rocket science to keep a household together,” you nagged, making him frown at you. 

“Why are you like this? You just walked into the house and started bitching, I thought you’d update me about how the trip was, but instead, you’re here kicking up a fuss,” Mingyu threw back, and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“A fuss? Mingyu, there’s nothing to update. All I got was the third degree about why my boyfriend of ten years can’t commit to anything more. Coming home, I realised her concerns were warranted because you’re still that kid, Mingyu. You wanted to be composed and strong, but even vocalising a future without him hurt you. You need to grow up because I don’t know how long I can keep doing this,” your voice faltered at your last words. 

“Wow, why don’t you tell me how you feel?” Mingyu mocked sarcastically, and you knew what he was doing. He was using his pride to cover his hurt, and you hated this quality of his. It made him annoying and standoffish. 

“I’m so over this. When you want to grow up and have a conversation like an adult, find me, but I’m taking a nap, and once I’m done, I’ll clean up; don’t bother helping. I’m used to cleaning up your messes for you,” you spat, knowing your words hit Mingyu hard. There is so much venom lacing your comments, piercing Mingyu’s heart. 

“The bedroom, you should sleep in the guest room. It’s a mess in our bedroom,” Mingyu mumbled, and you rolled your eyes at him, scoffing. 

“Of course it fucking is. What in this house isn’t a mess?” You asked, making Mingyu look down to the ground. You knew you had gone too far, but you had to make him hear you, and sadly, he only heard you when you were like this. 

“Whatever, I’m going to take a nap,” you mumbled, not having the energy to fight any longer as sleep started seeping into your bones. 

You awoke a couple feeling extraordinarily guilty and groggy, but Mingyu should have known better. You never needed the house to look perfect, but it should have been clean. Or livable, like adults.  

You groaned, deciding to get out of bed and shower before starting the housework. At least it’d wake you up a bit. Since you were in the guestroom, you couldn’t find anything else to wear except one of Mingyu’s oversized shirts, and while you wanted to be petty and not put on anything that resembled him, you knew you were taking it too far. 

You sighed, putting on his shirt, smiling at you wrapped up in his clothes, taking in his scent. You never told him, but it always felt like he hugged you tightly, keeping you safe whenever you wore his clothes. They were like a security blanket, one you needed desperately because the owner of the clothes lately gave you no assurance about the relationship. 

“Mingyu?” You spoke as you stepped out into the hallway and walked into the living room. It was neat, clean, and tidy, and you immediately felt guilty. Mingyu didn’t deserve your harsh words; he would eventually get the job done, but that’s the problem. It was inevitable, and you didn’t know if you could wait any longer. 

You walked towards your shared bedroom to find Mingyu fluffing the pillows and jumping slightly when you touched his back, startling him. 

“Sorry, you woke up early, nearly done,” Mingyu rambled, and your heart broke when you heard his voice crack and took in his swollen, red eyes and puffy nose. 

“Baby,” you cooed, and Mingyu glared at you, jerking away from your touch. 

“Don’t call me that. I’m not a fucking kid,” Mingyu spat as he threw the pillow onto the bed and walked over to his side of the bed and sat down, and you crawled onto the bed and sat between his thighs, making him look at you.

“I’m so sorry, I was frustrated,” you apologised, and Mingyu scoffed. 

“You used all my insecurities, our past, and the fights we’ve had against me, and that sucked. You called me a kid. You insinuated that I couldn’t keep a household together when I’ve fought tirelessly for us for the past ten years,” Mingyu exclaimed in annoyance, his words making you snap. 

“No, you didn’t fight for us; you fought just to have the idea of us, but you got comfortable, but that’s all you’ve ever done. You’ve never taken the next step,” you cried out, and Mingyu groaned. 

“You’re insane. I fought, kept up with your life, adjusted mine, and did all that because I love you, but I don’t know what else to do because clearly, nothing I do is enough for you,” Mingyu answered, his voice getting softer. 

“You’re right, you did, but you stopped and got comfortable fuck, Mingyu. I don’t know if you see a future with me. You’ve given me no indication,” you started to say, earning a glare from Mingyu. 

“What do you want me to propose?” Mingyu asked, making you glare at him. 

“Not like this, and not because I forced you,” you added, and Mingyu groaned, getting off the bed and fiddling around in the drawer next to you. 

“I was going to do it tonight,” Mingyu admitted calmly as he tossed a black velvet box onto the bed. 

“What?” You asked, and Mingyu rolled his eyes at your confused expression. 

“I was going to give you forever tonight, but you never fucking wait, do you? You always rush into the future without caring for what you leave behind. You’ve been five steps ahead of me for so long, and forgive me if I slipped up somewhere along the way, but I got tired of running after you when you’re so ready to let go of me,” Mingyu answered tearfully. 

Mingyu plopped down on the bed, his back to you, his head hanging low. You could hear him take in shuddered breaths, and your heart broke because you knew you had hurt him this time. 

“Mingyu,” you started to say, moving simultaneously to place a hand on his shoulder, making him look at you with teary eyes as he turned around to sit on the edge of the bed to face you. 

“I know I’m not everything you want in a partner. I just thought our love would be stronger. That it would conquer everything, that you’d love me harder than our problems? I know I did, but I guess that’s how immature I am because I guess that’s not reality,” Mingyu lamented, and even though you knew his words could be misconstrued to hurt you, that wasn’t the case. He was thinking out loud. 

“Mingyu,” you repeated, making him sigh as he moved back to sit against the headboard, patting the space between his thighs again. This time, you moved to sit between them quickly, your hands moving to pull him into a tight embrace.

“I’m so sorry,” you mumbled into Mingyu’s hair as you patted his back, moving as he cried into the embrace. 

“For what?” Mingyu mumbled, his voice thick with emotion. 

“For ruining a proposal?” Mingyu asked, letting out a dry laugh as he pulled away from the embrace, wiping his tears away and staring at you. 

“You didn’t. I guess this fight was bound to happen fuck. I knew we were falling apart, but I foolishly thought that if I ignored our problems or loved you harder, then it’d be okay, we’d be okay,” Mingyu admitted, placing a hand on your cheek and wiping away a tear. You hadn’t realised you were crying until he wiped away the tears. 

“But I only did one thing. I only ignored our problems, and I know I only ignored you. I love you more than life, but I failed to show you how much, and now I’m hoping that a shiny ring will fix it all, and I know it won’t,” Mingyu continued to speak, taking a deep breath before speaking. 

“I’ve used up all my good graces, that I’m sure of, but can we try? One more time? Please? I don’t think I can let you go, not yet. I don’t think I can ever let you go, but if you give me one more chance, my love. I’ll try, and if it’s over, I’ll let you go. Don’t give up on me,” Mingyu begged, and you nodded. 

“Mingyu, I’m so sorry. I should have conveyed my feelings to you in a healthier manner instead of simply yelling. Everything I heard from my mum this weekend was in my mind, and I couldn’t get it out. I just kept going over it, again and again, and I hated it, and I guess I just took it out all on you, and I’m so sorry,” you apologised, cradling his face in your hands. 

“No, it’s okay. I think we both saw this fight coming. I guess it’s easier to rip off the bandaid?” Mingyu joked, a sad smile adorning his handsome face. 

“I just felt so far away from you, so distant, and I guess when everyone questioned me about the integrity of my relationship. It just annoyed me, and instead of talking to you, I lashed out, and I’m sorry for that,” you apologised, meaning every word. 

“I love you; I do. I know I haven’t been good at showing it, fuck, our last date was five months ago,” Mingyu started to say, and you knew he’d begin to spiral if you didn’t shut him up in the best way you knew. 

“Mingyu,” you said softly, making him look at you as you inched closer and crawled onto his lap, his hands naturally finding your waist. 

“We’ll talk, and we’ll be okay,” you encouraged before placing your lips onto his, making him melt into your touch. His hand moved from your waist to rest on the hem of your shit, well, his shirt, but he didn’t care.

“Fuck,” Mingyu groaned as you moved your lips away from his to latch onto his neck, kissing the soft skin, gently nipping it, leaving faint marks, and running your tongue over the spots you bit. 

“Baby, if you keep doing that,” Mingyu started to say as you pulled away from his neck to peel the shirt off your body, leaving you in your underwear. 

“I know we have a lot to talk about, and sex isn’t going to fix anything, but I do, for once, want to feel close to you again. I want to be loved by you,” you admitted, and Mingyu nodded, understanding what you meant as he got off the bed and peeled off his clothes. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” you blurted out, making Mingyu laugh. 

“Ten years and you still think I’m hot?” Mingyu asked, and you smiled fondly at him. 

“You’re always the most handsome man to me, doesn’t matter how many years,” you admitted, making Mingyu smile at you. 

“Lie down on your back, princess. I need to show you just how much I love you,” Mingyu instructed, and you nodded, quickly adjusting yourself until you were lying down on the bed, head on the pillow, making Mingyu grin at you as he crawled between your legs. 

Mingyu leaned forward, wrapping his lip around your nipple while his other hand massaged your other breast. Mingyu moved his mouth to your other breast and flicked and licked your nipples until they were hard. 

Mingyu gave them a final flick, earning a whimper from you.  “Oh, the sounds you make for me. I like them,” Mingyu praised as he reached for your panties. Mingyu pulled them off and threw them across the room. Mingyu rolled his eyes and parted your legs, and placed a soft kiss on your clit, making you buck your hips into his mouth. 

Mingyu ran his tongue along your slit. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, interlocking them at your stomach. Mingyu smirked against your pussy, knowing that he could eat you out for ages in this position, and you wouldn’t be able to move, and all you could do was fall apart on his tongue repeatedly.

This is precisely what Mingyu intended to do as he flicked your clit with his tongue, then wrapped his mouth around your clit, his tongue tracing circles along the swollen nub. Mingyu kept licking you, his pace never faltering, and his rhythm never changing. 

“Fucking hell,” you moaned as you threw your head back in pleasure. 

“So good,” you praised, making Mingyu smirk, continuing his movements, making you shake in his grip. 

“Mingyu,” you cried out in pleasure as you fell apart on his tongue, but Mingyu didn’t stop just because you came. He kept going, sucking on your clit as you rode your orgasm on his tongue. 

“Fuck, Mingyu,” you whimpered as he kept licking you, you were sure you were wailing, but you didn’t care. 

Not when you were on the precipice of your second orgasm. Your second orgasm hit you harder, and your hands moved to his head as you gently pushed his mouth away from your cunt. Mingyu smiled at you, taking in your fucked out expression.

You sat up abruptly, reaching out to touch his hard cock, but Mingyu stopped you. 

“Not tonight. I need to feel you, my love,” he said as he took his cock in his hands and moved to line it up along your pussy. 

“Fuck,” you gasped out as he entered you. It had been, so you two had sex, so the stretch was a slight shock but one you’d gladly welcome.  “Baby, you’re so tight, fuck,” Mingyu hissed as he pushed in further, making you clench around him immediately. You moaned as Mingyu bent down to pull you into a kiss as he started to thrust into you. 

You groaned and babbled nonsense as Mingyu pounded into you, moving his hand down to rub your clit as he fucked you. 

“Fuck,” you choked out, holding onto his toned arms. 

“Cum, pretty girl,” Mingyu encouraged as his fingers moved faster against your clit, making you shake and tighten on his cock. 

You held onto his muscular arms, “cum, baby,” Mingyu spoke breathlessly, making you shake and tighten around him. It felt incredible, making Mingyu groan as you came around him. 

“Fuck, fuck,” Mingyu chanted as he pounded into you, groaning as he buried his head between your breasts as he came. Mingyu placed a soft kiss on your lips, slowly pulling out of you. 

“That was amazing,” you muttered. Mingyu smiled as he laid down next to you and pulled you into his toned chest,

“I’m not saying this to avoid anything, but I know I skipped every step to make things right,” Mingyu said, pulling away gently from you.  

“Look, you’ve had a long journey home and a shitty welcome back. I ordered dinner. It should be here soon. Help yourself. Why don’t we chat tomorrow?” Mingyu offered, and you nodded at him. 

Mingyu smiled softly as he moved closer to you and kissed your forehead softly. 

“We’ll be okay,” he said with a smile, except you didn’t know if you could believe him. 

Despite the mind-blowing sex, you had just opened a bandaid that held in ten years of hurt. 

Now it was open. You would have to feel every burn and sting before you two could heal, and what if that wound was too far gone to recover?

 What if there was no saving you two?

~~ You Were My Crown  ~~

“Morning,” you mumbled to Mingyu the following day when he walked into the kitchen, hair wet, fresh out of the shower, handsome as always. 

“Hey,” Mingyu replied, walking over to kiss your forehead, smiling fondly at you as he sighed, sitting down on one of the counters by the kitchen island. 

“So, I was thinking that after last night, as amazing as it was, we should talk,” Mingyu said, and you pouted, nodding. 

While you did want to just bask in the bliss and romance of last night with him, you knew if you kept pushing your feelings down, then there would be no saving you two, so you decided to sit across from him, making him grin as he placed a business card on your lap. 

“A divorce attorney? Hate to break to you, but we aren’t married,” you joked as you picked up the card. 

“Oh, couples counselling?” You said aloud, reading the card, and Mingyu nodded at you. 

“I got this from one of my Hyung. They said that when they were about almost to call it quits with their partner, they went here, and even if it was painful and made them feel vulnerable, it’s the only thing that kept them together,” Mingyu explained, placing a hand on your knee. 

“You think we’re that far gone that we need professional help?” You asked with a dry laugh, and Mingyu shrugged. 

“I don’t think we’re too far gone, but we’ve been together for so many years that I don’t think it’d be too shocking if we’re both holding in a lot and not being straight up with each other, at times and I don’t want what happened last night to happen again. I don’t want us holding things in and exploding,” Mingyu answered calmly. 

“Even if the sex was amazing,” Mingyu added, making you smile at him. 

“Okay, shall we sort out an appointment or what?” You asked, making Mingyu smile sheepishly at you. 

“I kind of already sorted a slot out for us. They open early. They got us a slot today at 4 pm. Is that okay?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded at him. 

“Should I take it as a good sign that you’re so eager to fix us? Or a bad sign that you’re so ready to vent about me?” You joked, making Mingyu pout at you. 

“A good sign; I love you so much, and I’ll be damned if I let you go without a fight,” Mingyu answered. 

“Let me go?” You repeated.

“I mean if you want out and realise you deserve better after all this, I guess I’ll let you go,” Mingyu mumbled, unable to look at you. His answering, albeit genuine, made you scoff at him. 

“Wow, nice to see your resignation already,” you muttered, making Mingyu sigh deeply. 

“I’m not giving up, but tell me you don’t already have one foot out the door?” Mingyu asked, making you baulk at him. 

“Why would you even think that?” You asked, and Mingyu rolled his eyes at you, letting out a humourless chuckle. 

“You weren’t here, but a gift hamper did arrive from your boss, and while I never snoop, the card was stuck on the hamper. It was a card nudging you to take the plunge and be a manager. Across the world. Might I add? When were you going to tell me?” Mingyu asked, and you sighed. 

“You said you didn’t want to hear about work at home, remember?” You fired back, and Mingyu groaned. 

“I told you that five months ago when I had just lost my job, I wanted you to be able to speak to me. I don’t want surprises like that,” Mingyu gritted, and you sighed. 

“So I’m meant to be able to read your mind?” You asked, and Mingyu shook his head. 

“It’d be so much easier, wouldn’t it? You never give me a warning ever. You just fucking blindside me, you did this with this apartment, and you did it with this possible promotion,” Mingyu fumed, making you blink at him. 

“Look, can we just save this for the therapist?” Mingyu said, inhaling deeply, and you nodded at him, unable to speak. 

The apartment? You thought to yourself. Mingyu was elated when you brandished the new keys three years ago. Just how much had he held in, and for how long? 

You were ignoring Mingyu for the rest of the day. Even when he came to get you to go to the therapist’s office, you glared at him, ignoring his outstretched hand, walked past him to your car and waited impatiently for him to get in so you could drive to the therapist’s office. 

“Can you at least wait for me to put my seatbelt on? Before you start driving?” Mingyu asked sarcastically, annoyance lacing his words. 

“Not my fault you’re fucking slow,” you bit back. You weren’t even sure what you were mad about, the fact that the gift ambushed him and didn’t give you a chance to explain. You felt guilty, and instead of speaking to him about that, you thought it’d be best to mask your hurt with insults. 

“So, fucking slow,” Mingyu muttered, buckling himself in, and you started to drive once he was safely fastened. 

“So, fucking slow, I’m always behind, aren’t I? I never know what you’re up to, or maybe that’s because you’re too fast,” Mingyu spat out in annoyance. 

“I waited for you to put your seatbelt on, right?” You retorted weakly, making Mingyu scoff at you. 

“That’s the only time you’ve waited for me, and if killing me wasn’t a crime, then I’m sure you would have driven off without a care for me,” Mingyu fumed, making you cower in your seat.

Is that what he thought of you? 

You tried not to let it show. You tried not to let the hurt show, but you couldn’t hold it in once you were in the parking lot of the therapist’s office. 

“We can get out, you know?” Mingyu sassed, earning a choked sob from you. 

“Is that what you think of me? I’m so busy trying to move ahead that I’d leave you for dead?” You asked, staring at Mingyu; your eyes blurred with tears, and your heart ached at Mingyu’s words. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I just fuck. I got frustrated,” Mingyu started to say, earning a glare from you.

“I get frustrated too, and you know, especially with you and our situation, but I have never once wished that you were dead. I wish we’d stop fighting and we were on the same page, sure, but dead? Fuck you, Mingyu,” you cried out, making Mingyu frown as he reached over to undo your seatbelt and pulled you across the console onto his lap. 

“I hate that you even could think of that. How could you think I would even want you dead?” You asked, smacking your fists childishly against his chest, making him pout as he took your hands into his. 

“I’m sorry, I am. I did misspeak. In some shitty way, I feel like if you do ever leave me, then it sure as shit will feel like death,” Mingyu admitted making you frown. 

“Why are you so hell-bent on the idea that I will leave you?” You asked, annoyed at his rhetoric, that you’d leave him. 

“I don’t know. After last night, the way you lost it, I don’t blame you, but damn, can you blame me. As I said, the way you reacted last night hurt. While I’m not shocked, I can’t deny that it hurt, but that wasn’t an excuse for what I said,” Mingyu answered, and you nodded at him. 

“You’re damn right it wasn’t,” you choked out, making Mingyu smile softly at you. 

“How’s this when the therapist asks what my downfalls are? I’ll explain that I’m not great at filtering my thoughts?” Mingyu offered, cradling your face, and you pouted, nodding at him. 

“No, that’s unnecessary, just don’t say stupid shit like that,” you pouted, and Mingyu nodded, kissing your lips. 

“I won’t, I promise. Now shall we go before someone thinks that we’re fucking in the car?” Mingyu asked, a smile creeping onto his handsome face, and you nodded, giggling at him. 

“Would that be so bad?” You teased, and Mingyu smiled as he pulled you in for a kiss. 

“No, it wouldn’t, but our appointment is in ten minutes, so shall we?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, placing a final kiss on his lips. 

“Let’s go,” Mingyu said, sneaking another kiss as you finally climbed out of the car. 

“Please make yourselves comfortable, and Doctor Kwan will be out to see you both in a minute,” the receptionist at the therapist’s office instructed you and Mingyu, and you both nodded before plopping onto the sofa. 

“This is so oddly comforting. I mean, the room, I thought it’d be like a doctor’s office, but it has a sofa and tissues and flowers on the wall,” you rambled nervously. 

“Yeah, I guess therapists want you to be comfortable, especially when you’re about to be very vulnerable for them,” Mingyu offered lamely, unable to come up with a proper answer. You saw him fidgeting and took his hands in yours. 

“Breathe. We’re here to work on ourselves. We’re going to be okay,” you said calmly, not entirely sure if what you said was a lie, but right now, you didn’t care if you had to lie to him. He was too jumpy.

“Mr & Mrs Kim, please accept my apologies. I just wanted to prepare the notes before we begin our session,” Dr. Kwan said as he sat across you two. 

“Well, you might want to apologise again. We aren’t married,” Mingyu said with a smile, but his voice had no real humour. You were prepared to ignore Mingyu’s quip until you saw him shoot a glare in your direction. 

“Oh, but we would have been, but tell me, Dr Kwan, am I meant to say yes when someone tosses a ring at me?” You shot back, and Mingyu scoffed, letting go of your hand and sinking into the couch. 

“We need your help because nothing I do is ever enough for her,” Mingyu spat out, making you groan. 

“Well, good to know what I’m walking into, Mr Kim. I should tell you that I most certainly knew you weren’t married. Often, couples hide their pain from their therapists, pretend it’s all good, and then tear each other apart behind closed doors. It was, hmm, call it a trick? This way, I can understand how temperamental and fragile this situation and I can provide and facilitate a safe space for you, too,” Dr Kwan explained, making Mingyu glare at him. 

“So, you made me insult my girlfriend for science?” Mingyu mocked, and you sighed. 

“No, he just pushed a button that I’d push, and you’d do the same behind closed doors, too, so instead of embarrassing me further, can you please shut up and let him work?” You asked curtly.  

“Okay, let me set a few ground rules before I get to work,” Dr Kwan started to say as Mingyu shot you a sad look. You immediately felt bad for snapping at him, but you couldn’t forget how ridiculous he was. 

 “Y/N, is it okay to address you by your first name?” Dr Kwan asked. You nodded.

“Mr Kim, is it okay to address you as Mingyu?” Dr Kwan asked, looking at Mingyu, and he hummed in response. 

“Perfect,” Dr Kwan said, leaning back. 

“As I was saying, rules. While I’m giving you guys a safe space to work things through, you must also be committed to ensuring this space stays safe. I appreciate anger, annoyance and frustration, but snarky, underhanded digs will not be tolerated or helped. Telling the other to shut up won’t help either. You can disagree and provide your perspective, but you will not interrupt or ignore each other and talk over one another. Can we agree to that?” Dr Kwan asked, staring at you both, and you nodded immediately.

“Good, now, let’s start. What made you fall in love with Mingyu?” Dr Kwan asked, immediately jumping into the session. You found it a little unorthodox but liked that he didn’t waste time with small talk. 

“We started dating in high school, months before graduation. He was a kind guy, and while he could have fit the bill of a stereotypical jock, he didn’t. He was humble, kind and grounded. I guess he was a jock with a heart,” you smiled softly, recalling that Mingyu was indeed just that. 

“He and I were paired up for a project, and I guess after we got our grades, I gave him a big hug, and somehow that hug turned into a kiss, and I guess, ten years later, here we are, in therapy,” your sweet tone fading and turning into a biter tone as you looked at the floor. 

“See, this is what she does, thinks of something nice and then fucks it up by following it up with some realistic bullshit. You were doing so well just reminiscing, and you couldn’t just stick to it?” Mingyu asked, his voice rising. 

“Another rule, no yelling,” Dr Kwan warned, making Mingyu groan. 

“She never lets us be happy long enough. She must always bring up something that kills the moment,” Mingyu added bitterly. 

“Then why are you with me if I’m such a killjoy?” you taunted, making Mingyu wipe away a tear. 

“Because I fucking love you because you’re so amazing and sure you’re persistent. The need to always think about the future is a pain. But I’m okay with it because I assumed I was part of that future, but I’m not sure if I still am recently,” Mingyu mumbled, making you groan. 

“You two need to hit reset. There’s a lot here, I want to see you both separately and together, but I need you two to try something for now. Throughout therapy, we will uncover a lot, a lot of love that you two have for each other, but we will also uncover a lot of pain and hurt, and I don’t want either of you not to have a space to cry it out, so can I suggest that for the next three months, we try something?” Dr Kwan offered, and you both nodded. 

“Anything to save us,” Mingyu mumbled, and you scooched over closer to him, placing your hand on his thigh, making him smile sweetly at you. 

“Ten years is a long time, and sometimes, you become accustomed to each other, which is wonderful, but it also means you hold in a lot. Anger, resentment and hurt, but because you’ve been together so long, you often suppress these emotions and hope they’ll go away, but they don’t. Instead, they linger like bad perfume, and it gets too much, and that’s where you two are now. I can see you are trying your best to hold onto the relationship, but you’re also scared, to be honest, for fear that it’ll go away, so here’s what I suggest,” Dr Kwan explained, pausing to take a sip of his water. 

“So, here’s what I propose, separate bedrooms for the next three months. You two can talk and kiss and be cuddly, but no sex because sex, as good as it may be, undoes a lot of the work, so if you two slip up, I won’t be mad, but it’s more work on your end. This process will take a lot out of you both, therapy, and it’s going to be new adjusting to a new dynamic, but it’s to allow you both a safe space to vent and to be you two have been with each other you’ve lost yourselves along the way, it’s time to find what you two are as individuals before you two can be a couple again,”

 “We never broke up. You know that, right?” Mingyu said, glaring at Dr. Kwan. 

“I’m aware, but you two are also just holding on, and I’m guessing that’s not enough?” Dr Kwan challenged, and Mingyu huffed out. 

“So, what we move out? Or one of us does?” Mingyu asked, continuing to glare at Dr. Kwan. 

“We have three bedrooms; we can just separate our stuff. We can each move into one of them for now,” you suggested, placing a hand on Mingyu’s thigh and making him look at you with sad eyes. 

“I just, I get that this is therapy, but why does it feel like you’re making us break up before we even have a chance,” Mingyu answered sadly, making you smile softly at him. 

“I’m telling you two to hit reset. You both need a fresh start, not away from each other, but you two need a break,” Dr Kwan answered softly, and Mingyu sighed, nodding. 

 “It’s three months, and we will evaluate every week. Is that good?” Dr. Kwan asked, and you nodded, noticing that Mingyu nodded slowly. 

“Three months, and we’ll be, okay?” Mingyu asked, turning to face you. 

“Yeah, we will,” you answered, unsure if you two would be, but you had to try.  

You had to try for him. 

For you.  ~~ I’m Not Your Problem Anymore  ~~

“So, that went well?” Mingyu said slowly, making you roll your eyes at his words as you kept driving. 

“The digs, the underhanded comments, you think that went well?” You asked, and Mingyu frowned. 

“You weren’t exactly a saint either,” Mingyu mumbled, and you sighed deeply. 

“Can we deal with this once we get home? I don’t fancy fighting while I’m driving,” you asked, and Mingyu hummed in response as he stared out the window, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. 

“Talk,” Mingyu practically demanded the minute you shut the front door behind you. 

“Why the hell are you speaking to me like that?” You asked, and Mingyu groaned as he kicked off his shoes before sitting on the couch. 

 “You said some shitty things, and while I admit so did I, you acted like a child,” you started to say, stopping when you saw Mingyu’s hardened expression. 

“What is it with you calling me a child? May I remind you that we’re the same age?” Mingyu asked, glaring at you. 

“Then act like a fucking adult, you don’t talk, you lash out, and you just hope that love fixes everything, but it doesn’t. It’s not enough to keep two people together when they’re breaking apart,” you exclaimed, frustrated at yourself for being unable to maintain your calm and at him for never being realistic. 

“You always said that love will keep us together, that our love was stronger than anything out there. What happened to that girl? What happened to the girl who made wishes upon stars, kissed me goodnight, and hugged me whenever I was down? I fell in love with her,” Mingyu lamented, making your heart drop. 

“So, you don’t love me anymore?” You whispered, afraid of his answer. 

“I do, my love, but I’m just not sure you do,” Mingyu said, moving to wipe away a tear that fell down your cheek. 

“Why do you keep suggesting that?” You asked, shrugging his touch off, making him pout. 

“Well, you just moved away from my touch, in general, over, I don’t know, the last two years you’ve been in the future, and you’ve left me in the dust; you left me all alone. I mean, hell, I was the happiest when you told me you wanted to move in with me, but you didn’t even bother asking me to view a place. You just got the keys and showed up at my doorstep. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, but it always felt like you’d cut me out of the process whenever you could,” Mingyu explained, his eyes getting glossy. 

“I know you wouldn’t intentionally make me feel unwanted, but that’s what it felt like. I felt like an understudy, waiting in the wings for you to consider my opinion,” Mingyu said. 

“I didn’t know,” you said lamely, and Mingyu nodded. 

“You wouldn’t, I never told you, and you’re not a mind reader, nor do I expect you to be. It would have been nice to know that you still cared for me even if everything went bad. Hell, the night I lost my job, you just kissed me and told me it’d be alright, and I get it, it’s a hard thing to comfort someone about, but my love, you didn’t even try, and granted, I’m sure there have been moments where I haven’t done my bit. Still, we were the couple that annoyed others with how mushy we were and how much we adored each other. Now it just feels like we tolerate each other,” Mingyu finished standing up, and you stood up and reached for his wrist, making him turn around to look at you. 

“Can you not walk away?” You asked, not a shred of anger in your voice. You just wanted to hear him. 

“I’m not. I am, however, getting some wine because I think we’ll need it,” Mingyu replied, pulling you into his chest and placing the softest kiss on your forehead. 

“Okay, so let’s talk,” you said, not wasting a second as Mingyu returned to the couch with two glasses of wine. 

“You waste no time, do you?” Mingyu asked, chuckling, and you shrugged. 

“I’d rather fix us sooner than later,” you commented, and Mingyu shrugged.

“Don’t good things take time? Besides, this isn’t something you can rush; didn’t you always tell me that patience is a virtue and that all good things take time?” Mingyu mumbled as he sipped his wine, making you glare at him. 

“What is with you and reminding me of everything I once did? Is that what you want? The ‘old’ me? The one you fell in love with ten years ago?” You snapped, making Mingyu frown. 

“You keep missing the point, I don’t yearn for the ‘old’ you, but I yearn for your love. It just seems like you’re putting up with me. I only remember the ‘old’ you because no matter how much we fought, I at least knew that you loved me,” Mingyu mumbled, making you frown at him. 

“Don’t fix it by saying that you love me. I know you do, but I wonder if you’re still in love me because that’s a big difference. I mean, some I know you do, but other days I feel like I’m watching you, unsure if I fit anywhere in your life, but what scares me most is that I’m not so sure I fit in your heart any longer,” Mingyu admitted taking a deep breath, before looking at you with teary eyes. 

“Can you tell me when I’ve hurt you? I’m sure it must have been many times with how you feel, but maybe the most recent example?” You asked, unsure how to respond to the fact that Mingyu poured his heart out to you, and all you could do was make him relive a moment where you had hurt him. 

“Not hearing about the promotion, that sucked, like I had to find out because of a present. Why didn’t you tell me?” Mingyu asked, nothing but hurt and genuine curiosity etching his features. 

“I guess when you told me you didn’t want to hear about work, I just stopped telling you. I didn’t want to make you upset,” you admitted lamely. 

“My love, I got over being let go. If I’m not wrong, I said that once, and a month later, I remember being fine and asking you to tell me about work and the hardships or the bad days at work, but you never did. You decided you wouldn’t share that part of your life with me. While I can understand why you thought I would continue holding a grudge, do you think I’d hold it until it broke us in two?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged. 

“Would you have taken the job?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged. 

“I don’t know,” you admitted, and Mingyu nodded at you. 

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m over it, and if it’s something that’s in the past, I’m okay never to bring it up again,” Mingyu offered, and you smiled at him. 

“I’d like that a lot,” you answered. 

“I acted out of line with what I said in the car, and you’re right. I did act like a kid at the therapist’s office, but it’s just when it comes to the idea of possibly even losing you? Then my ability to think straight and act rationally goes to shit because there’s nothing rational about love, but you find that balance, and I’m willing to work on myself but wait for me? While I try and catch up?” Mingyu asked, making your lips tremble, and your tears fall. 

“I think for so long,” you started to say, pausing to wipe your tears away. 

“For so long, I thought you didn’t care. I thought you got comfortable, wanted to leave, or be comfortable enough to stay but not be with me. So I kept pushing on with my life because I didn’t think you wanted me to be in your future,” you admitted, staring into the wine glass. 

“Y/N, you and I. I guess we’ve both been living in different tenses. I’ve been too busy reminiscing our past, and you’ve been running into the future. It’s left our present a fucking shit show,” Mingyu observed, making you giggle at his description. 

“Let’s try? I want you to have the most amazing future, but can I ask you to slow down? Ever so slightly? To let me find my footing. I want to catch up with you so we can have a future. Together?” Mingyu asked, pulling you closer to him. 

“I can, and I’m sorry,” you apologised, and Mingyu shook his head. 

“It’s okay, from here on out, what we’ve both done, it’s forgotten and forgiven these next three months. Let us make a real go at this? At fixing us?” Mingyu asked, and you smiled in agreement. 

Mingyu grinned, pulling you into the softest kiss ever. 

“I know we are meant to separate rooms and all that, but can I just have you in my arms tonight?” Mingyu asked, kissing your forehead, and you nodded at him. 

You agreed because you didn’t know what the next three months would bring about, so for tonight, you just wanted to lay in his arms and forget the hurt and the reality because you’d never admit it like Mingyu would. Still, the thought of living in a world where he was no longer yours was enough to make you break your heart into a million pieces. 

“We’ll be okay,” you mumbled into Mingyu’s chest as he held you, and he responded with a kiss on your forehead. 

You frowned into the embrace. You just hoped it would come true if you said something repeatedly. 

If you kept saying that you and Mingyu would be okay, you would be.  ~~ Balancing on Breaking Branches ~~

“Moving day, huh?” Mingyu joked, making you grin slightly at him. 

“Barely, we’re just diving up rooms and our stuff. It’s just three months,” you answered as you walked over to your closet and mentally sorted out what articles you wanted to take.

“Actually, you can just stay in this room. Besides, I don’t have much stuff anyway, just some clothes and my computer has always been in a separate room,” Mingyu offered, and you smiled at him. 

“Thanks, it’d be a nightmare if you made me move all my things out,” you laughed, making Mingyu smile. 

“Besides, it’s all temporary, three months, and I’m back to cuddling you every night and sleeping,” Mingyu smiled. 

“What are you smiling about?” You asked Mingyu as he grinned to himself, looking around the room. 

“Just kind of thinking how we broke into this room and every other room and surface in this apartment,” Mingyu said casually, a blush creeping onto his face as he recalled the memories, making you smile shyly. 

“Sex in every corner of the house. I still can’t believe we did it in a storage closet, of all things,” you recalled, smiling but shaking your head at how you and Mingyu had really come through on the idea of breaking into every part of the house. 

“But the sex was pretty good, wasn’t it? A tighter space meant that I had to hold you closer to me and fuck you harder,” Mingyu teased, his voice low, dangerous and teasing. 

“Mingyu,” you warned, unable to keep the smile off your face, as you moved away from the closet and sat on the bed. 

“Besides, I’m just recalling fond memories, especially when we have a sex ban placed on us for three months,” Mingyu explained with a pout, making you smile. 

“Anyways, do you know where I keep my phone charger? I usually use yours, so,” Mingyu trailed off, and you nodded at him, knowing that he never bothered because you were always there, and it just wouldn’t be the same for the next three months. 

“Yeah, this drawer,” you gestured to the bedside table beside you. Mingyu nodded, rummaging through the drawer, and you noticed he kept searching for a while. 

“Did you not find your charger?” You asked, turning to face him, your eyes widening when you saw what he held in his hand. 

“Mingyu,” you started to say, making him smirk at you.

“Is that what I think it is?” Mingyu asked, and you groaned, cursing yourself. Mingyu walked over and grabbed the device. 

“A vibrator in plain sight?” Mingyu teased.

 “Can you give it back?” You groaned, and Mingyu grinned at you.

“Is this the one we bought and took with us on our trip to Bali? Where you couldn’t get enough of me?” You gulped, and you felt your mouth water.

“Not my fault you were shirtless for the entire trip. It’s hard to behave when you look like that,” you huffed out as Mingyu walked back to the bed with the vibrator in his hand. 

“So I’m hot?” Mingyu asked with a smirk. 

“You know you are,” you mumbled, and you knew you were about to undo all the therapist’s work with your one movement, but you couldn’t help yourself. 

Not when Mingyu was looking at you like that, wetting his lips as he caressed the vibrator in his hand. 

“Oh, do I?” Mingyu asked, making you glare. 

Instead of answering, you grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him into you. Mingyu pulled you into a kiss and pushed you down, one hand moving to your jeans and undoing them. 

You kicked off your jeans and panties, and Mingyu’s knuckles met with your wet folds.

“You’re soaking wet,” Mingyu muttered against your lips, and you nodded.

“Wait,” Mingyu instructed as he pulled your shirt off, 

“Beautiful,” he praised as he took in your nude state. 

“Pretty,” Mingyu muttered, moving his mouth along your body as he ran the vibrator along your folds. 

“Fuck,” you hissed as the cold metal touched your swollen cunt. Mingyu pushed two fingers into you and switched on the vibrator. You felt your eyes roll back as he started thrusting his fingers in and out of you. While the vibrator constantly pulsated against your clit.

 “Fucking hell,” you groaned, grabbing his muscular forearm. 

“Good girl, you take my fingers so well,” Mingyu moaned, praising you as you fell apart under his touch. You let out whimpers, biting your lips to stop yourself from screaming in pleasure. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, and Mingyu smirked at you, pulling his fingers out of you and bringing them to his lips. 

“Can’t we just, I guess, call that goodbye sex? Or something,” Mingyu asked as he stared at your fucked out expression.

“We could, but I think we need to tell our therapist,” you breathed, making him pout, “as good as that felt, we just took a few steps back,” you added, making Mingyu sigh as he leaned over to kiss you. 

“Three months, and we’ll be okay,” Mingyu claimed before placing another kiss on your lips. 

“This is just a little mistake. You wanted to honour his wish, but you also knew that lying would do you two no good. No need to tell the therapist,” Mingyu repeated, making you nod slowly at him. 

So, you did what was right. 

“Okay, Y/N, what you did wasn’t odd or unusual. Maybe couples slip up, especially when it comes to sex and trying not to have it, and I get it. You two have been together for ages. Giving up sex isn’t easy, nor exactly is it meant to be,” Dr Kwan clarified, but you couldn’t help but feel like you were undoing everything. 

“You’re human. It’s normal to slip up, but being honest and working from that is important,” Dr Kwan added. You nodded. 

“Well, still, I’m sorry,” you apologised, making Mingyu scoff. 

“You kissed me; may I remind you that? So, stop acting like you’re wronged or something. You make me sound like a dick,” Mingyu spat out, and you were about to respond when Dr. Kwan cleared his throat, stopping you. 

“Well, Mingyu, you might have just given us the material for our first session. When do you two think it all went wrong? Between you both? Mingyu, I’d like to hear from you, and then you, Y/N,” Dr. Kwan suggested.

“Y/N’s been gifted, so good at everything she does, and I guess I’ve gone with the flow, but being an adult in this unforgiving world, that’s not enough. Not even, and it seemed like every time she was successful or achieved something, it made me feel smaller and like I wasn’t enough,” Mingyu rambled, making you look at him. 

“I know she never did it on purpose, but that’s how I felt, and I guess I stopped trying to be better for her because it always seemed like she was too far away for me to catch up to, and so I was just happy being in her life, as a spectator,” Mingyu finished letting out a deep exhale. 

“I don’t begrudge her for succeeding. I wished that sometimes she could look away from the blinding lights of success to notice me, just for a second at least,” Mingyu added, shrugging. 

“Did you ever wish for her success to go away?” Dr. Kwan asked, and Mingyu shook his head. 

“Never, I only wished that maybe I could do half of what she did, maybe then I’d be enough for her, but I know that’s not what she ever thought, but I internalised her success as a sign of my failures,” Mingyu answered.

“Y/N, is there anything you’d like to add?” Dr. Kwan asked. 

“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realise he felt like that,” you answered lamely. 

You didn’t realise that Mingyu felt the way he did. He was always so guarded with his response and just quiet and silently supported you no matter what you did.

“I never told her to be fair,” Mingyu interjected, and you sighed at him. 

“I can’t read your mind. How do you expect me to understand if you don’t tell me something?” You asked, and Mingyu stared at you in disbelief. 

“The way I read your mind about a proposal?” Mingyu asked, and you groaned. 

“Okay, you two, we need to hit pause. There’s too much here to not cause a massive fight,” Dr. Kwan said, interrupting you two. 

“She didn’t even tell me that she got an opportunity for a promotion or anything. She keeps so much to herself and then gets mad when I can’t read her mind,” Mingyu added, and you sat in annoyance, but you stayed quiet, knowing that he wasn’t wrong with his judgements. 

“I lost my job five months ago, and since then, she’s never really told me about her success and in her defence, I did tell her not to talk about it, but I know that after a week or so, I told her that it was okay, but she just kept everything to herself,” Mingyu added. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” you started to say, turning to face Mingyu.

“I know you said it was okay, but you always put others before you, and I didn’t want to be another reason for you to suppress how you felt,” you explained, placing your hand on his, and he responded in kind, moving his hand to lace them with yours. 

“I see that love is not lost between you two. You need to figure out how to communicate. In a relationship as long as yours, it’s easy to assume that the other party knows or should know. Still, the truth is, all the familiarity and knowledge in the world is never enough to predict how humans will behave,” Dr. Kwan said wisely. 

“I went to visit my mum; the night before, we had a huge fight which led us here; she kept pushing and asking if something was wrong with us because it had been ten years, and there was no proposal. So, I kept trying to diffuse the situation, but unfortunately, her words sowed a seed of insecurity in me. I lost it and snapped at Mingyu, which caused him to reveal the fact that he was going to, in fact, propose to me that night,” you rambled, explaining what you thought was the final breaking point. 

“I see, Y/N. Mingyu, is being married something you two have always wanted to be? Or is that something that you two have never discussed?” Dr. Kwan asked. 

“We discussed it, I think, after our first year together. Mingyu brought it up,” you recalled, smiling at you fondly and starting to explain the memory.  ~~

Nine years ago

“In my defence, their vows were touching, and that’s why I ended up crying like a baby,” Mingyu defended, making you laugh as you wiped his teary eyes and kissed his red nose. 

You both were in the powder room, helping Mingyu look more presentable after he cried his eyes out at your cousin and her husband exchanging their vows. 

“But I also started to imagine, what if it was us up there? One day? Look, I always found weddings boring in the past because I was like fuck this. I’m always watching other people find their ‘happily ever after,’ but I have wanted that for us since you came into my life. Our happily ever after,” Mingyu declared, making you smile at him, your eyes holding but love and fondness for your boyfriend.

“Okay, I know we’re only 19 and legit, maybe way too young to decide the future now, but I know this for sure, regardless of when that moment happens. I just know that there is no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with; only you complete me, and a life without you, well shit, that’s just miserable, isn’t it?” Mingyu spoke, making you swoon at him. 

“How’d I get so lucky?” You asked as you pulled him into a soft kiss, making him smile into the kiss. 

“I think it’s me. I’m the lucky one,” Mingyu mused. 

“How about we’re both lucky?” You added, and Mingyu smiled. 

“Lucky to have found a love like this; yeah, we’re pretty fucking lucky,” Mingyu agreed as he pulled you into another kiss. 

~~

“Huh?” You asked as you felt Mingyu’s fingers on your face and realised he was wiping away your tears. 

“It was so much easier, and I just want that back,” you cried, and Mingyu, out of instinct, moved closer, pulling you in closer to him. 

“Y/N, you two were younger, and the world is kinder to two kids in love than adults in love. Nothing like taxes, societal expectations, or work threatens the tenderness and beauty of love. Still, with patience and dedication to fix the relationship, you can get through it, and it doesn’t seem like Mingyu wants anything else but the same thing as you,” Dr Kwan explained, making you smile through the tears and placing a kiss to Mingyu’s cheek, making him blush. 

“I’ll schedule you two for a week later, but let’s keep up the same routine. No sex and kisses are fine, but keep it to that. When you two filled out the form, I think you mentioned that your first date was at a dive bar? Why don’t you two, over the weekend, go to one, not as a date, but go and maybe rekindle the memories, remind yourselves that the pain of therapy is worth it,” Dr. Kwan suggested, and you both nodded. 

“We can do that,” Mingyu answered, and you smiled at him. 

Maybe this is why you two needed someone to guide you both through all the pain, and today felt like a breakthrough, and perhaps that’s what you both just needed, someone to help you get through the shitty parts to get to the good part. 

You two weren’t broken but bent, and someone needed to straighten you out. 

“We can. We can be okay again,” you mumbled, but you knew Mingyu heard it with the way he squeezed your hand softly. 

“We will,” he whispered in your ear. 

~~ Never Learned to Read My Mind ~~

You and Mingyu really did try hard. The kisses were kept to a minimum, almost so much that Mingyu got frustrated with you. He eventually pouted enough one evening. It ended up in you two having a thirty-minute make-out session. 

“We shouldn’t,” you mumbled as you continued to kiss him. 

“See, you say that, but you’re kissing me,” Mingyu replied, moving his lips away to speak, only to place them back on yours within a second.

“Mingyu,” you warned, pulling away and making him sigh at you. 

“Fine, but can you blame me? This is the first time you and I have spoken and kissed in two weeks, and no, that goodnight kiss three nights ago doesn’t count. I just get that Dr. Kwan said we should try to find ourselves and all that, but it feels like you’re acting like we’ve already broken up or something,” Mingyu admitted, frowning. 

“I’m giving us space to grow,” you defended, and Mingyu nodded. 

“I get that, but shouldn’t it foster an environment of encouragement? The space you’ve created is cold and uninviting, like hell. Your room door is always closed,” Mingyu added, making you pull away from his touch and sit next to him instead of on him. 

“I’m working, Mingyu. I don’t have as much free time as you, so forgive me if I want some peace and quiet while I work,” you sassed, and Mingyu pouted. 

“Free time? You mean unemployed?” Mingyu joked, but you glared at him. 

“Stop putting words in my mouth. You know that’s not what I meant to say,” you huffed, and Mingyu nodded. 

“Okay, forget it. I only say that because I wanted to show you something the other day, and your door was closed,” Mingyu explained, and you nodded at him. 

“So, show me now?” You suggested, and Mingyu nodded, pulling up yet another photo he took of a cake that served as inspiration–he’d been taking pictures of cakes, cookies and many other baked goods for the last few months, telling you it was for something unique. Still, to you, it just seemed like he was building up his ‘cakes I like’ Pinterest board.

“See?” Mingyu asked excitedly.

“What am I meant to be seeing? Another cake? All you do is take pictures of the cake. Where is this going?”

“You could have bothered to ask more about it instead of dismissing it entirely. I don’t dismiss things that excite you,” Mingyu mumbled. 

“Fine, show me,” you asked, and Mingyu shook his head at you. 

“No, because you’re asking because you feel bad, not because you care, forget it. You’re right it’s just cake. How would you notice? How would you notice when you haven’t noticed anything about me in the last few months?” Mingyu spoke, making you groan in frustration. 

“Sorry, that was unnecessary. Look after work tomorrow. I made reservations at a dive bar for us, I’ll send you a location, and you can head over after work?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded at him. 

“Night,” Mingyu mumbled, kissing your cheek as he got up and sulked as he walked to his room. 

You felt terrible. Since when did you stop caring about the little things, especially him? He was always doing much more, but you didn’t know why. It never felt like it was enough for you. 

“Hey!” Mingyu greeted you the following evening as you approached him at the dive bar. 

“This place is quite nice,” you commented, and Mingyu nodded. 

“Are you drinking?” Mingyu asked, and you shook your head. 

“I drove here,” you replied, and Mingyu pouted. 

“Let me drive and have a drink. I have a scratchy throat, so I can’t really drink,” Mingyu offered, and you looked at him in shock. 

“When did you get a cold?” You asked, had you really been so unkind and caring to not even ask your boyfriend if he was unwell. 

“Nah, just a tickle, don’t worry, I got meds, and I’m on the mend,” Mingyu added, ushering you away, and you frowned at him but decided against pushing further. 

You were glad you were tipsy, but you weren’t exactly happy at the scene unfolding in front of you an hour later. 

A random girl decided to approach Mingyu to gush about how handsome he was and how incredible his biceps were and even went so far as to trace his arms, and that was it: you saw red. 

You hated how he didn’t stop her, either. Instead, he giggled and flexed a bit more.

“Miss, do you always with other people’s boyfriends?” You spat out, and the girl stepped back in fear upon hearing the venom in your voice. 

“No, oh my god, I’m so sorry. You just didn’t look like you were his girlfriend. You just sat there, far away from him, and you two barely spoke, so I thought it was okay to appreciate it, but I’m so sorry,” the girl apologised, but you couldn’t help your anger. 

“So even then, you just flirt with anyone you see?” You asked, embarrassing the girl, and Mingyu turned to face you with a hardened expression, apologising to the girl first. 

“What the hell was that?” Mingyu 

“Home, now,” you answered, and Mingyu sighed as he paid for the bill while you stormed out of the bar. 

You stormed into the house, and Mingyu followed you into your room. You saw red. There was no other colour in the world, only red. You couldn’t believe Mingyu giggled and smiled at the girl like he did. 

The way he would with you.

“That was so uncalled for,” Mingyu started to say, making you whip your head to look at him. Your eyes were red and watery, and Mingyu immediately wanted to put the fight to bed and hold you in his arms. 

Mingyu mentally slapped himself, but all he did was laugh and smile at the girl. She complimented him, and for a second, he lost his mind and indulged because it had been so long since he felt good about himself. So long since someone called him handsome, and hell, you stopped acting like you were interested in him, but it was wrong and stupid, and he caused you to cry. 

“Right, me telling a girl to back off my man is wrong and pushing her away was uncalled for? Did you like it then? The way her tits pressed up against your chest. Is that why you didn’t pull away when she wrapped her arm around yours? Would you have backed away if I didn’t push her away, or would you have gone home with her?” You accused, ranting and firing away accusations at Mingyu, who paused to frown at you, but he knew he didn’t have a reason to defend himself. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop her, but I would have never cheated. I just got caught up in the attention, it has been so long since you ever showed me any affection, and I liked it, thinking that, oh, I don’t know, at least I’m not chopped fucking liver,” Mingyu fired back, making you shrink. 

“You couldn’t tell me that? You had to get some leggy chick to get your validation?” You asked, your voice trembling. 

“You don’t make it easy to speak to you. You’ve taken this ‘break’ so seriously that I feel like you’re just practising for the real thing. Last week, I got a new cookbook, and. In the past, you’d always be excited to see if I could replicate any recipes, but now? You didn’t even care to see it. I got a new shirt for our date night, and you didn’t compliment me. I’m not saying I need to be coddled, but you act like my presence is a bother, so forgive me if I wanted to seek out someone’s compliments because you know what? I can’t recall the last time you ever said I was good at anything,” Mingyu scoffed, making you standstill. 

“You have so many cookbooks; how is it different from the dozens you have? How was I meant to notice just one?” You asked, and Mingyu stared at you. 

“That’s not the point. Whenever I want to share anything with you, you act like it’s the biggest inconvenience or you don’t care. Either way, it doesn’t make me feel good about myself,” Mingyu sputtered out, his anger bubbling, and he knew he had to stop this fight before he said something he regretted. 

“Look, we’ve both had a lot to drink. Maybe we should talk about this later?” Mingyu offered, as he tried to guide you to the bed, to help you sleep so you wouldn’t continue this drunken rant. 

“So, you entertained her because she gave you attention, or was she prettier?” You asked, immediately feeling your eyes well up. You tried not to break in front of him. He was the one flirting with another woman, not you, but you couldn’t help how insecure it all made you. 

Was he done with you? Was this his subtle way of telling you he wouldn’t care?

“Hey, no, don’t you dare,” Mingyu interrupted your thoughts as he cradled your face. 

“No one is more perfect than you. I’m sorry for giving in to the attention. No matter how bad we are, it’s not an excuse,” Mingyu explained as he wiped away the tears that fell down his face. 

“But she noticed what I didn’t. Maybe deep down, that’s all you want, and I wish I were better for you,” you replied tearfully, making Mingyu’s heart ache with how you tore yourself apart. 

“Mingyu!” You squeaked when you felt him carry you and sit on the bed. 

“Take this off,” you mumbled, pointing to his shirt, and you stared at him for a second as he peeled his shirt off. 

You leaned down to kiss his shoulder, then another, until you reached his neck. 

“Y/N, baby, you’re drunk,” Mingyu groaned, trying to suppress a moan, hoping his body wouldn’t betray him as he melted under your touch. 

“We’ve had sex drunk before. I’m pretty sure our first time was when we were both drunk,” you spoke as you moved to kiss his jaw, making him wrap his arms around your waist. 

“Baby,” Mingyu groaned as his hands moved to rest above your ass. 

“Hm?” You asked, looking at him, pausing before your lips connected with his. 

“Let me show you just how much I love you,” Mingyu said, giving in to your touch as he stood up and swiftly placed you on the bed. Mingyu usually would at least take some time peeling your clothes off, unravelling each bit of your body to him, but he couldn’t wait tonight.

“So fucking pretty,” Mingyu praised as he laid between your thighs, your dripping cunt at his face. 

Mingyu slowly moved his finger inside you, “do you want to cum? You’re already clenching my finger so nicely, baby,” Mingyu praised as he rolled his thumb over your clit. You nodded. Mingyu pulled his finger out of you, making you whine. 

Mingyu smirked at you before latching his lips onto your clit. 

“Fuck,” you moaned at the contact.

“Mingyu, wait, stop,” you said, making him sit up immediately. 

“Did I go too far?” Mingyu asked, worrying, lacing his handsome features. You shook your head and moved your foot to his growing bulge. 

“Please fuck me, just I need you,” you begged, and Mingyu wasted no time in peeling off his clothes and positioning himself between your legs and pushing into you, making you moan and hiss at the stretch.

Mingyu placed your legs on either side of his shoulder. He pushed in and fucked you hard and deep. His pace was relentless, and you whimpered at his pace.

“Fuck, Y/N, baby, I’m so sorry, but I need to cum,” Mingyu moaned as he pounded into you.

 “It’s okay, fuck me, Mingyu.”

Mingyu removed your legs from your shoulder and flipped you onto your hands and knees. He pushed into you, his hands gripping your hips. You nearly collapsed at how deep he was hitting inside you.

“Fuck, more, please. Mingyu.” He bit down on your shoulder then kissed and ran his tongue over the area.

 “Fuck, fuck,” Mingyu cursed as he came inside you, moaning as his cum filled you. You felt him flip you over again, his mouth latching onto your cunt again, licking and cleaning you, making you cum again in the process, and you pushed his head away gently as you came again. 

“No more baby, too sensitive,” you moaned, making Mingyu smile sweetly as he placed a soft kiss on your trembling pussy. 

“Wait, stay, please,” you asked, pouting at him, making him smile. 

“I will. I was just going to clean you up properly and give you a shirt. You always get cold after sex,” Mingyu said, making you smile. 

“Stay here,” Mingyu said, kissing your forehead as he headed out to grab you a shirt. He returned with a wet towel and gently pressed it against your throbbing pussy, smirking at your reaction. 

A few minutes later, you were clean and dressed in one of his shirts. 

You were already nodding when Mingyu’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest. Mingyu moved his hand under your shirt and placed his arm around your waist. 

You moaned softly as he drew small circles into your skin. You gently pushed his arm away and turned to bury your face in his chest, making him smile.

“I love you,” Mingyu mumbled, and you weren’t entirely sure if you heard it, but for a while, you didn’t mind falling asleep in his arms, pretending that you two were alright.

~~ I Think I’ve Seen This Film Before ~~ 

“So, you two had a fight and fixed it with sex,” Dr Kwan summarised, and you and Mingyu looked to the ground. 

“Look, we’re barely three months into this, and while I like that you both love each other enough to be intimate, it seems like you use sex as a coping mechanism to put actual issues on the back burner until they inevitably blow up in your face,” Dr Kwan added. 

“It was a misunderstanding,” Mingyu defended. 

“A series of misunderstandings has brought you two here, and right now, you two are giving in too quickly,” Dr Kwan added. 

“Maybe three months is too long. Can we try a month, no intimacy, nothing, please? Then we can revisit this issue?” Dr Kwan suggested, and you both nodded. 

“Dr Kwan, can I request one thing, though? Can I ask that my lovely girlfriend and I go for one more date, like a proper one, the way we used to be before we tried the full-on ‘break’ thing?” Mingyu asked, and Dr. Kwan nodded. 

“Y/N?” Dr Kwan asked, and you shrugged. 

“I don’t see why not,” you answered, making Mingyu smile, and you noticed how his smile reached his eyes for the first time in so long. 

“We’re here!” Mingyu announced as he parked the car outside a carnival, helped you out of the car, and held your hand like he always did, complimenting you from home to the carnival gates. 

“It’s crazy empty?” You asked him, and he smiled.

“It opens next week, but I pulled a few strings; I wanted to enjoy this with you and only you,” Mingyu admitted, a blush creeping onto his face, making you smile at him. 

“Shall we?” He asked you nodded. 

He took you to nearly every booth, and with each new game, your smile grew, as did his. You didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with him all over again, but here was proving you wrong. 

“Hey, you okay?” Mingyu waved his hand in front of your face. You were both finally back in the car after a night of kisses, jokes and games, and you smiled at him. 

“Yeah, just thinking,” you answered. 

“About?” Mingyu asked, and you turned to face him, 

“I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with someone again, but tonight, with you. I think I may have just fallen in love with you all over again,” you admitted, making Mingyu smile as he leaned over to pull you into a kiss. 

“I love you,” Mingyu said as he pulled away from your lips. 

“I love you too,” you answered, making him grin. 

“We’re okay, we’ll be okay,” Mingyu assured as he took your hand and drove home. 

However, when he said it, you didn’t find any comfort in his words because you knew that you were about to hurt him, not because you wanted to but because you had been reflecting and noticed that all this time. 

Mingyu had been bending backwards to become the version of a man you supposedly wanted. Still, all this time, you only complained and poked holes and found flaws; he loved you despite all this. His love for you was too forgiving, too great, and one you didn’t think you deserved any longer. 

So you could only do what you did best, and that was to hurt him before he broke himself trying to fix the both of you.

~~ You Were My Crown  ~~

Mingyu was fuming. Well, not even raging would do justice to how angry he was. It was almost comical. He thought smoke would come out of his ears like a cartoon character. It would have almost been funny. 

Almost. 

However, nothing about this moment or the letter in Mingyu’s hand was funny; none of this was funny. 

“Hey,” you chirped as you walked into Mingyu’s bedroom. He was late for dinner, and your smile dropped when you saw his face and then recognised the paper in his hand. 

“Mingyu,” you started to say and stopped as he held a hand up to stop you. 

“Dear Y/N, you’re incredible, and I want you to consider this position again. You have insights that set you apart from everyone else. I think you could do an amazing job helping us set up our offices in Japan,” Mingyu read out the letter, his voice fading into a whisper at the mention of Japan. 

“I thought we were past this?” Mingyu asked, and you immediately felt yourself become defensive.

“No, I only said that to calm you down, but Mingyu, this is my career,” you protested, making Mingyu scoff. 

“I’d never stop you from pursuing your dreams. I know you’re good at your job. I’d encourage you to take this position, but you lied, and you got this three days before the date night and didn’t bring it up? It fucking hurts, and when I asked you if you were happy, you said yes? But kept this from me? What were you going to do, just fucking pack up and leave me?” Mingyu asked, raising his voice, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“Don’t you dare give me an attitude! You hid this from me. Why?” Mingyu asked, tossing the letter onto the floor. 

“We can still talk about it, and then we can figure out a way with schedules, and maybe I can save and fly out and visit you,” Mingyu rambled, making you bite your lip as you knew what you were about to say next would break him. 

“I accepted the job,” you whispered, but Mingyu heard you clearly. Your voice rang in his ears, four words taunting him, haunting him. 

“Mingyu,” you said, trying to approach him, and he moved away from you. 

“You did what?” Mingyu asked, not wanting an answer. 

“I just didn’t think us doing these three months did us any good, yes we got to get our issues out in the open, but Mingyu, we still broke the main rule, we had sex, we couldn’t be bothered to make it work without fucking,” you defended, each word piercing Mingyu’s heart deeper and deeper. 

“Doesn’t the fact we couldn’t stop loving each other show you how tethered we are to one another? How much we need each other?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged. 

“Yes, a crippling need,” you answered, making him breathe deeply, trying to hold back a sob. 

“So, you just decided to do what you do best? Hurtle into the future without a fucking care for me? I gave up everything for you to make you happy, and you’re fucking running?” Mingyu taunted, making you snap.

“I never asked you, but you were so fucking stupid to have walked away from friends. Friends who could give you a job or something, and now, you’re here begging me to stay because you didn’t get your shit together,” you spat out, knowing that none of your words held any truth. 

Still, you needed him to stop fighting because you weren’t sure if you could anymore. 

“You didn’t ask me because I thought it was you and me against the world,” Mingyu yelled. 

“Well, it’s not! Grow up! Get a job, plan your future instead of ruining mine just because you don’t have a planned future,” you fumed, stopping yourself, but you knew it was too late. 

“No, you’re right. I don’t because I thought you were my future, but now, you’re gone, so I guess you’re right. I don’t have a future, so please leave,” Mingyu asked. You couldn’t help yourself, but you knew if you comforted him now, you’d give in, and you couldn’t. 

“Mingyu, this is my apartment, so why don’t you step right out?” You mocked, making Mingyu let out a broken sob. 

“I can’t waste my time and cry for you any longer. There’s no more crying that I can do for you,” you added as Mingyu pulled out a suitcase and started to throw his things in. 

“You can leave in a week or something. There’s no rush,” you mumbled, feeling nothing but shame and guilt. 

“You were my homeland. You were my safe space, and now that you’ve gone and thrown me out, put me in exile, what’s the point? This isn’t my house anyway, and clearly, I’ve overstayed my welcome,” Mingyu answered tearfully as you watched him pack. 

You stood and watched him pack and remove the necklace you once gave him and place it on the bedside table. 

Mingyu took another look around the room and then wiped his face before grabbing his passport and documents out of a drawer and stuffing them into the suitcase. 

“Where will you go?” You asked, and Mingyu shook his head. 

“That’s none of your concern, I’ll be fine, but you,” Mingyu paused to steady his voice. 

“You’ll be fine, excel at everything, and do so well, my love, shit sorry, Y/N. You’ve always been amazing, so thank you for the last ten years of my life, and oh, when you fall in love again, tell him to be good to you,” Mingyu rambled, pausing to smile at you through his tears. 

“But please apologise to that guy because if there’s a weepy guy at your wedding, oh fuck, never mind, why would you invite me. Fuck I’m babbling. You don’t want this. I’ll be on my way,” Mingyu paused his ramble to kiss your forehead. 

“Please stay safe,” Mingyu said before practically running out the door. You waited for him to leave until you couldn’t hear his footsteps in the hallway break down. 

“Fuck!” You cried out, you felt so much pain engulf you, you felt as if someone had snatched your heart out of your chest, you felt as if you had a thousand cuts all over your body and that each second, someone was pouring salt into every wound. 

You didn’t know pain like this. You fell to the floor sobbing, unable to withstand the pain, letting it engulf you. So, you let it. You did this, and you deserved to be hurt. 

“I’m so sorry,” you apologised to the empty room. You broke him and yourself, but you weren’t his problem. You lost the right to care when you threw him out. 

So, you’d do what you do best, push through, ignore the pain and push into the future because if you ran fast enough, you might forget the present and perhaps the pain wouldn’t catch up to you any longer.  6 Months Later

Your method wasn’t foolproof. 

Simply running away from your problems only brought you temporary comfort. 

It allowed you to plaster a fake smile and get things done. It brought you false hope when you told your mother that you had let him go. 

Your method was like a ticking time bomb. You’d hold off only for so long. You knew your pain and your actions would catch up to you. 

Eventually, you took steps to prolong it. You had blocked Mingyu on every possible social media site. You even put all his things in storage and scrubbed the apartment clean, and when you were done, there was no proof that he ever existed in your life. 

You acted like he was a ghost because, somehow, it was easier believing that in some twisted way than picking up the phone and apologising or checking in. 

It was easier this way. You put a bandaid on a wound that had cut through every part of you, foolishly hoping it’d be enough. 

That stupid bandaid got you through your life in Japan. You’d find moments where you’d think of Mingyu, wondering how he’d love certain foods and sights, but you would push any thought of him away, and you were doing a good job. 

Until you were going through your things and found a black journal. You were familiar with it the moment you opened the journal. You wished you could have gone back in time and undid everything because opening up the journal made you feel like you just ripped open the bandaid. 

It was Mingyu’s journal. 

A journal dated the day you two started therapy. You knew it was wrong to read his innermost thoughts, but maybe you’d get closure. So, you got a bottle of wine and began to read.

Most of the entries did nothing but break your heart repeatedly until you came across the last one. 

It was dated the night of the date, your last date with him. 

“I can’t wait to surprise her tonight. I think we’re going to be okay,” Mingyu wrote. 

Your heart stopped. 

A surprise, he was planning something that night. 

What was it? 

You had to find out. 

You had planned most of your life down to the last detail, so randomly catching a plane, after calling your boss and randomly quitting, and landing back home after six months felt odd. 

This was home, so why did it no longer feel like it? The way you had shut your heart to Mingyu, had this town also shut you out, decided that someone as heartless as you didn’t deserve another chance?

You had unblocked Mingyu on socials in a feeble attempt to try and find him, and you saw that he frequented a bakery often. It was a shot in the dark but your only shot. You hailed a taxi from the airport and gave him the address to the bakery. 

You ran into the bakery, huffing as you lugged two suitcases. 

“Can I help you, miss?” A beautiful girl asked you, and you stared at her. 

“No, but you have a frequent customer, Mingyu?” You asked, causing the lady to laugh. 

“Customer, honey, he’s the owner? Do you have an appointment with him, or would you like a consult? He’s got a free evening, so I can pencil you in. Just walk all the way, and when you see a white door with golden roses on it, you’ve found it,” the lady instructed, and you just moved on autopilot as you reached his door. 

Your knuckles trembled as they knocked against the door, his door. 

“Come in!” A cheery voice you yearned to hear for so long, a voice you missed every day and every night replied. 

You pushed the door open and noticed that Mingyu was too busy sketching to look up, and he continued drawing. 

“Just take a seat, make yourself comfy. Sorry, just finishing up a sketch,” Mingyu said mindlessly, and you stood still. 

Taking him in, his hair was longer, he’d coloured it too, a light brown, and he looked handsome, but also he looked healthy like he was sleeping and resting and happy. 

You noted how focused he was on his work. Mingyu was always handsome to you, but even more so when he was doing something he loved. 

“Seriously, it’s okay. Make yourself up at home,” Mingyu started to say as he got up from his chair. 

“Y/N?” Mingyu asked as he finally noticed you. 

“Oh my goodness,” Mingyu broke into a broad smile as he rushed to hug you, and you could feel the tears pooling in your eyes. How could he? 

How could he look at you with so much kindness after what you did to him?

“Oh my gosh, how are you? You look well. How’s Japan, and how’s the job?” Mingyu asked a question after making you stare at him. 

“I found this,” as you moved away from his embrace, practically slapping the journal against the chest. 

“Oh, I’m guessing you read it?” Mingyu asked with a smile. 

“What did it mean, the surprise?” You asked, and Mingyu smiled at you. 

“Can you spare me some time? I don’t want to have that conversation here, but if you can wait a few minutes, we can return to mine, and I’ll explain every word you read?” Mingyu offered, and you nodded at him. 

“Babe!” The same girl from the front desk walked into Mingyu’s office. 

Babe? 

You felt your blood run cold. It made sense for him if he moved on, but her? The woman who looked like she was everything you weren’t, maybe that’s why he wanted her. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to check what you wanted to do for dinner tonight. If you want, I can make pasta?” She kept speaking, each word twisting the knife in your chest deeper. 

“Yuna, this is Y/N, a good friend,” Mingyu introduced, and you forced a smile for her. 

That’s all, but what would he introduce you to her? A friend? His ex, the one who broke his heart? 

“Oh, you guys were friends in school, right? Nice of you to visit, so I guess raincheck on dinner? Oh, babe, please don’t forget we must go to the dress store. I need you to pick out the suit for the wedding,” Yuna said as she gave him a peck on the cheek, shot you a smile and left the room. 

Mingyu had moved on so quickly? A wedding? He waited ten years to propose to you—sort of—but with Yuna, only six months, maybe he wasn’t the problem. You were, you saw her, pretty, friendly, and she seemed to make him smile. Something you failed to do for so long. 

So, it made sense that he’d see a future with her and not you. 

Mingyu could hear your overthinking, and he wanted nothing more than to comfort you right now, but he’d do it the minute you two were in his house. Alone and in a safe space. 

“Shall we?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, following him, not saying a word during the entire car ride back to his apartment and the walk to his apartment. 

“I’m going to take a shower and freshen up. If you want, you can use the guest room. I can grab you some clothes,” Mingyu offered, and you followed him into the guest room, not saying a word. 

 Mingyu poked his head into the bathroom when he noticed you hadn���t emerged in a half-hour. Worried, he entered, and his heart broke when he understood what you were doing. 

“Hey, no, stop that,” Mingyu said, poking his head in at first and then entering the bathroom when he understood what was happening. 

“Just wanted to see what I was missing,” you admitted, making Mingyu frown as he helped you sit on the countertop. Mingyu grabbed a towel, wet it, and gently wiped your face with it. 

“She’s pretty.” You muttered, and Mingyu sighed, placing the towel on the counter.

“She’s got a nice body,” you continued to speak as you were apart. Mingyu stared at you in disbelief, and he hated how you were tearing yourself apart. 

“Can you shower? Or manage on your own?” Mingyu asked; he didn’t want to leave you, but he was very aware that you were naked and crying, and he didn’t want to upset you any further. 

“I guess you found the one you love, and I’m here like a moron because I thought you still loved me. I selfishly thought you still loved me,” Mingyu shook his head and snapped, and his hands found your face and pulled you in for a kiss. You gently pushed him away. 

“Don’t pity me,” you muttered Mingyu glared at you. 

“None of this is out of pity.” Mingyu moved his hands to your neck, gently tracing your skin until he reached your lower back and pulled you closer to him. 

“I’m going to ask you again; can you manage to shower alone. Or do you need me to help you?” You sighed and pushed your body against him.

“I need you,” you answered. Mingyu nodded before moving away and stripping. 

“Fuck, see, you have a nice body,” you said to Mingyu, making him glare at you as he helped you into the shower. 

“So do you, and fuck, I’ll be damned if you don’t feel the same by the time I’m done with you,” Mingyu said as he turned on the shower, and you sighed in relief as the warm water poured over you.  

Mingyu reached over for the shampoo and moved his hands into your hair. You moaned as he massaged your scalp, and for a second, you stopped thinking about how crap you felt. You allowed Mingyu to wash you, and you were ready to leave the shower when Mingyu gently pushed you against the wall. 

Mingyu moved his lips from your forehead until he reached your lips and captured them in a sweet kiss. 

One which had you swooning. 

It was so soft and yet deliberate. You moaned as you felt him deepen the kiss with his tongue. Mingyu kept kissing you until the need for air became too urgent, and he gently pulled away. 

Mingyu moved his lips to your neck, slowly sucking and gently nibbling the skin there. He left a trail of marks on your neck, all shades of purple and pink. Mingyu moved his hands to your breasts, massaging the soft skin, tugging and pinching your nipples, making you moan. 

Mingyu pulled away from your body and got down on his knees in front of you. He dove into your cunt, licking your folds, and your hands moved their way into his wet hair. 

Mingyu didn’t move a muscle, only his tongue as he glided it up and down your cunt. He moved slightly and pushed his tongue into you, making you gasp in pleasure. Mingyu groaned as he tasted your arousal, pushing his tongue in further. Mingyu moved his tongue back to your clit and flicked the now-engorged nub while pushing two fingers inside you. 

You were whimpering and gasping in pleasure as Mingyu fingered you until you came. Mingyu held your thighs in place as he continued to lick you through your orgasm. He was focused on making you cum as many times are he could with his tongue. You shuddered when Mingyu continued, never stopping. 

Mingyu moved his hands to grab your ass and pulled your ass cheeks apart, making you groan. 

Mingyu’s lips never left your clit. You could only mewl and let out sobs of pleasure as he licked you. You were gasping for air as you reached your second orgasm. Mingyu’s mouth never moved from your clit as he licked you through your orgasm. 

Mingyu moved his lips away from your cunt, and moaned when he saw your state. 

“You look so fucking good like this, swollen pussy, mouth open. You look gorgeous when you cum,” Mingyu praised, and you clenched your thighs together at his words. 

“Turn around, face the wall,” Mingyu instructed, and you weakly turned around as you trembled. 

“If anything is too much, tell me, okay?” You mumbled a yes, and Mingyu pushed his fingers into your cunt.

“Good?” You choked out a yes. The new angle with which he entered your cunt had you seeing stars. 

“Fuck, I’m going to cum.” You mumbled as your legs started to shake, Mingyu simply hummed against your wet folds, and that’s all it took for you cum again. 

“Please, fuck me,” you begged, and Mingyu slowly got up, held your body close to his, and pulled you in for another kiss; you were so immersed in the kiss that you failed to register him lifting you in his arms and aligning you with his hard cock. 

“Can I?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded at him.

 “Fucking hell, you’re so tight,” Mingyu groaned as he pushed himself into you and started to pound into your cunt. 

 “Fucking hell,” you groaned as you bit down on his shoulder as fucked you into your fourth orgasm. 

“Fuck, I won’t last long,” Mingyu choked out.

“Cum inside me,” you begged him.

Mingyu smiled at you, “gladly,” he said as he thrust into you harder, making you shake and clench around him each time. You moaned when you felt him finally still and cum inside you, his warmth coating your walls. 

Mingyu slowly placed you back down, “fucking hell,” you groaned, grabbing Mingyu’s forearm as he started fingering you hard. 

“One more baby, one more,” Mingyu coaxed as he fingered you to another orgasm. You nodded as you felt yourself cum simply based on his command Mingyu didn’t stop until you came again. This time he finally moved his fingers away from your cunt. 

You were so fucked out. All you could do was hiss slightly when Mingyu finally washed you up, wrapped you in a towel, and carried you to his bed. He towelled your hair dry, put his shirt on you, and pulled you into his arms, wrapping the blanket over you two. 

You turned in his embrace to place your head on his chest, “cuddly,” Mingyu noted with a soft smile on his lips, and you returned a smile back to him, making him bend his head down and capture your lips in a gentle kiss. 

You opened your mouth to speak, and Mingyu held a hand out to stop you. 

“Tomorrow morning, please,” Mingyu pleaded, and you nodded. 

You could do that.

Pretend for one more night.  ~~ Second, Third and Hundredth Chances  ~~

“Morning,” Mingyu greeted you as you entered the kitchen the following day. He stood by the kitchen island, poured himself a cup of coffee and another one, and pushed it across the island, nudging you to sit and face him after six months. 

Six months. That’s how long you went silent on him, blocked him out, and suddenly showed up at his door because of a journal. 

All his life, Mingyu knew you as a planner. You always had a backup plan, so for you to show up unannounced seemed so odd. Maybe you were passing by. Or you just wanted the last word, but after six months. 

Seeing you again, Mingyu felt pain, anger, and hurt, but more than anything, he still felt love. No matter how badly it ended, you were so much more than his ex-girlfriend. You were the woman he once wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It didn’t matter what would transpire; you would always be unique to him, and he could only hope he held a similar position in your heart. 

“So,” Mingyu started to say as you sipped the coffee. 

“I made you cheat. I’m so fucking sorry,” you mumbled, making Mingyu laugh. 

“Right, I didn’t cheat when I was with you, and that’s not something I’m going just to start doing because I’m with someone who isn’t you,” Mingyu said, and you stared at him, confused. 

“But Yuna?” You asked. 

“When you threw me out, I couldn’t find a place that late at night, so I ended up at a bar and cried my eyes out to Yuna. She ran the bar that night and felt sorry for me, so she took me home,” Mingyu explained, pausing to gauge your reaction. 

Mingyu felt slightly cruel for testing you like this, but with the hell, you put him through for six months, this was nothing, and he wanted to see if you still loved him or just got upset because you thought you had some right to him. 

“Yuna and her fiancé, they both, I guess, let me crash and nursed me back that night and just let me mope in their house for a solid month,” Mingyu explained, making you exhale. 

“She calls everyone babe and kisses everyone’s cheeks but only kisses her fiancé’s lips,” Mingyu elaborated, making you sigh in relief. 

“I think it was month two of moping over you, and I was, you know, useless and jobless,” Mingyu continued to speak, hurting you, knowing that you used the exact words when you broke his heart. 

“I was baking a lot, and Yuna’s husband is a famous pastry chef, and he saw me swiping through my Pinterest board and asked if I wanted to do something with my life or just cry over you,” Mingyu chuckled, recalling the memory. 

“So, for four months, I poured all my efforts into my craft, and I picked up everything quickly, and I guess I’ve been lucky, and the bakery is doing well and honestly. I thought I was finally moving on, but then, you showed up at the place I created to get away from the hurt you caused me,” Mingyu finished, his tone now serious and stern. 

“So why are you here, after all these months, and don’t tell me it’s because of a fucking journal. You wouldn’t randomly get on a flight and show up without a plan, so tell me, did you come here to reopen all the wounds I tried so hard to heal?” Mingyu asked, and you fumbled. 

“Do you know what you did to me? That night, you not only assumed that I was an unsupportive boyfriend, but you equated my ability to love you down to the fact that I was unemployed and directionless, and that is fucked up. Like beyond fucked up. So when you threw me out, I honestly believed I was worth nothing. I didn’t think I was enough. While I still want the best for you, you broke me when I needed you most, and seeing you here now, when I’m just getting my shit together, it fucks with me because a part of me wants to kick you out the way you did to me, but a part of me wants to kiss you and try again so tell me Y/N which part should I listen to?” Mingyu fumed, making you cry. 

“Why did you do it? Because what we kept breaking the ‘no sex rule’ or did something else happen? After that date, you said you fell in love with me again, and three days later, you did that. Was it because you accepted the job offer and you felt guilty? I know I’m not perfect, but I broke myself trying to be the man you deserved, and it still wasn’t enough, so I think I am at least owed something, some explanation,” Mingyu implored, his voice softer, and you couldn’t stop the tears from escaping. 

“Fucking speak, will you? You had no problem tearing me apart, so why are you quiet now?” Mingyu asked, frustrated. 

“Because you were bending over backwards, you did so much, and I did nothing. Mingyu, I got mad at you because another girl gave you the attention I didn’t. You were focused on fixing us, and I was focused on just fixing you, and yes, you’re right. The fact that I accepted the job without a second thought for you made me realise what a selfish person I was. I was ashamed, and then you took me out on that date,” you paused to take a breath before continuing. 

“I felt like a failure. I failed you because I was so willing to fix us. Still, I didn’t want to go through the pain because I was scared that at the end of it all, you’d realise that you were better off, and I couldn’t deal with that, so I thought it’d be easier if I made you hate me,” you blubbered out, and Mingyu looked at you in disbelief. 

“I ran away because it was easier. I took the easy way out because the tables had turned. You were succeeding in fixing us, doing the work, and all I could do was watch you put in so much, never expecting anything in return. I couldn’t do that to you, so I just let you go in the worst way possible,” you explained through your tears. 

“I know what you wanted to do the night of the date. I found a velvet box, and I just wanted to confirm that when I flew down here and walked in, it didn’t feel like home. It felt cold and distant, and I didn’t fit here anymore. I saw you happy, glowing, and you had started fresh, and me? I’ve been on autopilot, working, coming home and trying so fucking hard not to think about you, and that journal was an excuse because I couldn’t stay away anymore,” you sputtered out. 

“I knew you wanted to propose, and I ran because while it was everything I ever wanted, I wasn’t the woman you deserved, and I don’t know what I’m doing here because I’m certainly not the woman you deserve now. So, thank you for last night, and I’m sorry that I rehashed old wounds, and it was because I was selfish. I was selfish that night, and I’m still the same,” you cried out. 

“Selfish?” Mingyu repeated as he walked over to you, holding your face. 

“Scared, not selfish,” Mingyu said with a sad smile. 

“How do you not hate me; how can you still be so kind and loving after everything I did to you?” You asked as Mingyu wiped your tears away. 

“Because I still love you, hell you fucked with me, but when I saw you yesterday, it felt like a missing part of me was found, and while it hurt, because I got used to that missing piece, I felt alive, seeing you, and I know that the last time I gave up because I thought that’s what you wanted, but after last night. I know it’s not; it can’t be. So, tell me, did you come back to ask me about a journal entry or because you love me?” Mingyu asked, and you sighed. 

“I left everything. I was looking for something to bring me back to you because, after I left, I didn’t think I had a right to face you again, so the journal was my excuse,” you answered, and Mingyu stared at you. 

“Everything?” Mingyu asked. 

“I quit and packed my shit and came here and handed over the keys to the apartment in Japan to my landlord, and I guess I came here, hoping to come home and selfishly hoping to come back home to you,” you answered, biting your lip unable to look at Mingyu. 

“But your promotion?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged. 

“It took me six months to realise that no promotion, no success in the world meant anything to me if you weren’t by my side, and it felt hollow. Every applause and pay cheque felt worthless because, in a room full of praises, I only ever wanted to hear your voice and come home. I always hoped that you’d be there, and I’d run into your arms and kiss you, and we would both sit and tell each other about our days, and then at night kiss each other and make love to each other, but all I got was an empty house,” you rambled making Mingyu smile tearily at you. 

“Can I ask you for a favour?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, looking at him. 

“This time, I don’t care how difficult it is, how serious it is, how big or small the issue is, you come to me, no matter if it’s a small issue or a big issue, you’re coming to me, you don’t kick me out, and you don’t fight with me, but you fight for us,” Mingyu explained making your eyes widen. 

“After all I did to you. You’ll take me back?” You asked, and Mingyu smiled at you. 

“I was always going to come back to fight for you. I just needed time to be strong enough to do so, but yes, because if there’s anything these six months taught me, it is that I’d rather spend six months going through this pain a hundred times over, provided that each time the outcome was the same, you back in my life,” Mingyu explained making you cry even more.

“How can you love me so much?” You asked, making Mingyu laugh. 

“You stole my heart in a science class when you threw a paper at my head for being too loud in class, I was yours then, and I’m yours now, so tell me, my love, will you be mine again?” Mingyu asked, and you cried, nodding. 

“If you can forgive me?” You cried out, and Mingyu smiled sweetly at you. 

“I forgave you long ago. I was hurt, but my love for you is paramount, and it’s easier to love you than to be mad at you,” Mingyu explained, hugging you. “The perk of knowing you for so many years is that I know, despite your harsh words, you get defensive and deflective and often, what you do instead of saying the truth is act and lash out.”

“I don’t deserve a love as understanding as the one you have for me,” you admitted, and Mingyu shrugged. 

“We didn’t have the most perfect few years, but maybe that’s what we needed. Maybe Dr Kwan’s separation therapy worked because six months of radio silence was more painful than when we were fighting. After all, at least I could see you hug you, and talk to you, but not hear a word from you, not knowing anything that was nothing short of torture. I don’t want to go through that again,” Mingyu explained.

“It took me losing you to realise how much I love you,” you answered, pausing to wipe your tears, “and if you let me, Mingyu, I’ll never let you go again. I’ll love you the way I always should have, and I’ll never let you go because losing you was like I lost my ability to breathe, but here in your arms. I feel safe, loved, and at home, and I don’t want to lose my home again, and I-” Mingyu’s lips cut off your speech on yours. 

“Sorry, but I had to,” Mingyu said sheepishly, making you smile. 

“This will sound weird, but Y/N, will you go on a date with me?” Mingyu asked, making you smile as you burst into a wide smile and hugged him tightly. 

“I’d love to,” you answered. 

“Good, Tuesday night? I’ll pick you up. It’s a surprise,” Mingyu asked, and you nodded furiously. 

All those times you thought it’d work, you always were still unsure, but today, right now, you knew that you’d love him because loving him allowed you to see the world in colour and losing him took away all the colour and joy in the world and this time you didn’t want to fix it for the sake of it. 

You wanted to fix it because you loved him. 

The Finale: What I Should Have Said

One Year Later  

“Oh, for the love of God, please do not break,” Mingyu muttered as he set up the decorations for  your anniversary date on the balcony. At this moment, he was yelling at a bouquet to stand still. 

“Mingyu? What is so urgent? I’m home?” You called out, and Mingyu pouted, glaring at the faultless flower bouquet. You were back and early, 

“In here!” Mingyu yelled out. 

You walked into the house, noticing all the lights had been dimmed. There were flower petals everywhere. You smiled. You knew Mingyu was going to do something for the anniversary. You just weren’t entirely sure what. 

“Hi,” Mingyu looked up to see you, smiling at the decorations. He walked over to you and kissed you. 

“Happy Anniversary.” He mumbled against your lips.

“Happy Anniversary to you, too,” you said. You smiled as he held your hand and pulled you to the sofa. 

“Ooh, cake!” You exclaimed, making Mingyu roll his eyes at you.  

“I’m a three-course meal, and you are salivating over a cake?” Mingyu complained, but you laughed.

“Oh, get over it,” You kept laughing, and Mingyu sliced a piece out for you. He was oddly precise and took a long time to slice the cake. 

“Dude, just give me the cake,” you muttered, and Mingyu scowled.

“Did you just dude me?” Mingyu asked dramatically. You smiled at him as you took the cake from him and immediately scooped a piece into your mouth. You felt something sharp in your mouth; you tasted blood and metal and glared at Mingyu. 

“What did you do? Accidentally leave a fork in the cake?” You glared, and Mingyu gasped in an attempt to bite back a laugh. 

“Why don’t you get cleaned up and find out?” Mingyu offered, and you looked at him strangely. However, it was your turn to gasp as you ran to the bathroom and pulled a ring from your mouth. 

You washed the ring and returned to the balcony where Mingyu was frantically pacing. 

“Mingyu?” You asked, holding out the now-washed ring in your hand. Mingyu took it from you and knelt down. 

“I waited too long last time, I waited for a sign, the right time, all that bullshit, and I’m not saying that if I had done it earlier, our problems would have never occurred, but I know waiting sure as hell didn’t help. I know I wanted to marry you when I was 19, and now, more than ten years later, I still want that, except this time, I don’t want to wait to find the right time, place or anything. I don’t need any of that. I just know that I need the right person, and I have that with you, my love,” Mingyu declared, making you tear up. 

“The last year has been a lot for us. We found each other again and worked together to fix ourselves, and you know what? I’d do it all over again if it meant fixing us, and if it meant that a year later, I’d be here proposing to you, so what do you say, Y/N? Will you be mine forever, and will you love me forever the way I know I will love you?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, unable to say much but give him a muffled yes. 

Mingyu slipped the ring onto your finger, pulled you into his arms, and hugged you tightly. 

“When I said we’d be okay, this is what I meant, I knew it’d hurt, and it’d take fucking a lot of time and patience, but I’d do it all over again a thousand times even if this is the ending, I get each time we’re done,” Mingyu spoke, and you looked up at him smiling. 

“Me too. I’d lose you a thousand times over if it meant being back in your arms at the end,” you replied, making Mingyu smile. 

“I love you,” Mingyu said, and you smiled at him, “I love you too, so much you loved me despite all my flaws and imperfections”, you replied.

“I saw those ‘flaws’ and ‘imperfections,’ and I fell in love with every part of you. We’re both imperfect, but the way we love each other, now that’s fucking perfect!” Mingyu replied, holding you tighter. 

You knew this was your home; with him in his arms, that’s where it was no longer cold; it was warm, safe, and it was home. 

He was home.

[idkwhatever580]

I would die happy

Pairings: teen!Natasha Romanoff x teen!reader

Song Inspiration: very loosely based off of the songs Casual by Chappell Roan and Ashley by Zolita (They’re good to listen to before hand but not necessary. I’ll link them)

Prompt: what happens when “good girl” y/n breaks it off with “bad girl” Natasha and Natasha realizes she needs y/n more than she thought?

Warnings:mentions of sex, angst then fluff, mentions of death? (From the song).

Pronouns: unspecified (one use of ma’am but in a silly way)

A/N: No this is not an actual songfic. I just took inspiration from the songs so there might be a line or five in the mix. I have had these songs stuck in my head the past few days and I kept imagining like a teen romance coming out of it? Idk. Hopefully I write this better than the last one 😭

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Y/n’s pov

I am in my room doing my homework when I hear tapping on my window. I look up from my neat desk to see Natasha.

My instinct is to smile and open the window up but I freeze.

Natasha Romanoff.

Bad girl. She vandalizes things. She doesn’t participate. And she dresses like a fuck boy.

Some call her a player. Some call her a cheater.

Whatever they think there’s one thing everyone can agree on. Natasha romanoff does not do relationships.

She’s usually the one night stand type of girl but then she met me. And that’s when everyone says she went soft. She never fucked another girl other than me.

But that’s all. For half a year. All she’s ever done is sex, aftercare, leave, repeat.

Another set of tapping falls upon my ears and I zone back in. I open the window and whisper

“What are you doing here?”

Natasha crawls in and says

“Wanted to see you. You alright there? You zoned out for a sec”

I nodded my head and my eyes fall upon her necklace. It’s silver with a little arrow.

I hate myself when I think of it. I nod my head and say

“Yeah. Totally fine. Just doing some homework”

I sit back down at my desk even though I know why Natasha is here.

After a whole 6 months of this it’s hard to not know what her routine is. But I don’t want it anymore.

Obviously I caught feelings. Who wouldn’t catch feelings for her? I just thought that I would get over it. I thought that having some of her is better than none of her at all right?

Wrong.

I cry so much now. All I want is for her to love me back. But that’s not reality. She doesn’t do love. She doesn’t do relationships. And I can’t do it anymore.

Natasha walks up behind me and rubs her hands down my arms and starts kissing my neck. My body lets her do it but then I think about it and take her hands off me.

“Not tonight. I have to study”

She doesn’t let up. Because usually I like playing hard to get. So she doesn’t know. And that’s okay. It’s my fault she doesn’t know.

“I can help you relax baby”

I roll my eyes at the pet name and say

“Natasha. Can we talk?”

She stands up straighter at my use of her full name and says

“Yeah. Sure”

I can tell she is a bit surprised at me but she nods her head nevertheless.

She sits down at the foot of my bed and I roll my chair over to her.

I sigh and look at the ground.

“I don’t know how to say this, but I can’t do this anymore Natasha”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“You can’t do what?”

“This Natasha,”

I point at her and myself

“I hate myself for letting this drag on so long because I know you. I know you don’t want a relationship. But I lo- I like you Natasha. And I want you. All to myself. I want labels and I want to go to the pier together and eat popsicles and I want you to tell your friends and I want a future with you.”

I can tell I’m overwhelming her with this information but I keep going

“But you don’t want that. And that’s okay! I understand that some things aren’t meant to last. But I can’t keep hurting myself for some fun okay? I need to heal and move on. And you can go find another toy to play with and that’s okay. I just can’t be the one you go to anymore. It’s not what I want. And our ideals clearly do not align. I thought maybe I could do it and be able to handle all of this but I can’t.”

I tear up a bit

“I can’t be casual with you. I want feelings attached and I want you to myself but you don’t want me like that. So I need to cut it off.”

I finally finish my rant and I look down feeling embarrassed.

“I’m sorry”

I apologize and she shakes her head

“Don’t apologize. I get it.”

We sit there for a minute of awkward silence and she sighs and says

“I guess I should go then”

I nod my head and sniffle a bit. She lingers like she has something to say but she ultimately leaves and on her way out of my window she says

“I’ll see you at school I guess”

I nod my head.

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It’s been a week since I cut it off with Natasha and I look rough. My friends are worried about me but I tell them I’m fine.

Even some of my teachers have asked if I’m okay. Of course I lie to them. But it’s nice to know someone cares.

I have avoided Natasha at all costs. But I still find myself thinking about her.

Her arrow necklace. God I hate myself when I think of it. Because then I think of her. And then I start crying. Or I just shut down.

Yes. I may or may not have almost said I love you the night I cut it off with her. But I didn’t want her to have to hold all of my baggage. It’s not fair. She doesn’t like me like that. And she doesn’t deserve to feel guilty for what I feel.

My friend Emerald walks up to me during a free period and she says

“Hey did you see Natasha today?”

I shake my head and say

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

She shakes her head and says

“Well you’re gonna have to listen. She is the talk of the school right now so either you hear it from me or someone else.”

I roll my eyes and say

“What Em? Does she have a new toy hanging on her shoulder?”

Clearly I’m a little ticked off about having to hear about her.

But em shakes her head and I look at her and wait for her to continue

“She’s wearing your hoodie”

I look at her and say

“My hoodie? She doesn’t have any of my clothes, except for that bra that I’ll probably never get back”

She takes out her phone and shows me my favorite hoodie. It’s the pink one that I got from the thrift store. They all knew it was mine because it has em’s name on the sleeve. And a duck on the front.

I remember now. I forgot it at her house one time after she fucked me in her beach house. That was the day everyone found out and started talking about how I’m just a girl she fucked on her couch.

I cried so much that I forgot about it. And of course she just came over to make me forget about all the things people said.

I look at her and say

“Why would she ever wear that?”

She wiggles her eyebrows at me and says

“She obviously likes you y/n”

I roll my eyes and say

“She doesn’t like me Em. From the beginning everyone has known she doesn’t do crushes.”

Em shrugs her shoulders and says

“People can change.”

I roll my eyes and get a little frustrated and say

“Leave it Em. I don’t want to talk about it.”

She puts her hands up in surrender and leaves it at that.

The rest of the day goes by slowly. But I catch a glimpse of Natasha at the end of the day. She is wearing my hoodie. She looks good in it. But she shouldn’t be wearing that. I’m not hers. And she’s not mine.

I quickly leave so she doesn’t see me. Even though we definitely made eye contact. But it’s whatever.

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It’s about 8 pm now and I’m studying again. This final is about to make or break me so I can’t let myself loosen the reigns even though it’s only a midterm.

I have my headphones on and I’m listening to classical because it apparently helps people study. I’m honestly doing anything to help me.

A hand taps my shoulder and I jump up quickly but thankfully I don’t yell.

I turn around quickly and see Natasha standing there.

I immediately get frustrated and say

“What are you doing here?”

I take a second to actually look at her and she looks like shit. Honestly she is looking at me like a lost puppy. Like she hasn’t been in my room for six months. Her hair is a mess, shes still in my hoodie, and the bags under her eyes indicate that she hasn’t been sleeping well. I almost feel bad for her. Then I remember I can’t let my feelings get in the way. She says

“I um… I wanted to talk to you”

I sigh and say

“Well what is it? I’m listening?”

I feel bad for being so short with her but I can’t do it any other way or else I’ll break down.

She kind of stands there for a second and I sit down on my bed and pat it. I might as well be nice to her. She’s not a horrible person anyways.

She shakes her head slightly and keeps standing. I look at her and say

“You wanted to talk?”

She nods her head and says

“I don’t know how to say this but… I- I need you y/n”

I have never seen Natasha cry once. But she immediately breaks down in front of me

“I can’t do this without you. I need you so bad I just want all of you. I thought that if I convinced myself that it was for the better, that if I said I wanted this it would come true. But it’s not true I- I love you and I know you are probably over me by now and that’s okay I just need to tell you that I want you and only you. I know I’ve never done anything like this but I want to I want to change. I want to be good. For you. I want to take you on dates and tell everyone about you. And I don’t think I can do this without you because life is like a bad dream without you and I didn’t even realize what I had until I lost it!”

She starts crying. I start tearing up at her confession and I say

“Stop it. Stop it Natasha.”

It’s short and snippy because I’m about to cry.

“You can’t just say those things and pull at my heart just to get into my pants okay? I’m sorry that nobody wanted to get with you but I cannot just go crawling back to you if you just lie to me to get me back”

She looks at me and she shakes her head aggressively and says

“No. No I don’t. I don’t want to get into your pants I actually love you. I didn’t even know it because I’ve never felt love before y/n. Please you have to understand me I love you. I love you so much and I want a future with you. I was just scared but I’m not scared anymore I want you!”

She drops to her knees and tries to calm down a bit and says

“I understand if you don’t want me but I want you. I want to be your girlfriend. I want to introduce you to my friends and family. And- and I know my past doesn’t help anything. My reputation is probably your biggest fear but I can’t imagine my life without it. I’ve never been the sappy type but I’m telling the truth. If loving you kills me then I will die happy y/n”

I look at her from my bed and I see the genuine look in her eyes. I tear up again and the I get down from my bed and she looks down. It’s like she’s worshipping me. Like if she doesn’t she might lose me.

I envelope her in a hug and she starts crying into me. And I say

“Tell me that you love me and you won’t leave me.”

She looks at me with tears running down her face and her nose is sniffly and she says with such confdence

“I love you y/n. Nothing can change that. I won’t ever leave you. Not even if I could. I want to be yours”

I smile at her as she waits for me to answer and I grab her head and lean into her. I kiss her.

This kiss is different than any other kiss I’ve ever shared with her. It’s soft and tender. And full of love. I don’t even care that her tears and boogers are getting on me.

I don’t care. I just love her. I pull away and giggle and she kind of sits in criss cross. And I say

“Natasha. I love you too. I’ve loved you for a while now. I was just scared to say it.”

She sends me a dopey smile. I’ve never seen her smile at me like that. I like it. So I boop her nose and say

“Cute.”

She scrunches up her nose and says

“I’m everything but cute right now.”

I shake my head and say

“You’re always cute.”

I kiss her again after she wipes her face off and it’s sweet. I pull her into my lap and she says

“I don’t like this.”

Normally I guess she would be more comfortable with me on her lap. But I don’t care.

“I guess you’re just gonna have to suck it up.”

We sit on my floor for a bit and I say

“Oh shit! It’s late.”

I check the time and say

“It’s nine o’clock already! You have to get home baby”

She stops at the nickname and says

“Wait. So… are we?”

I giggle and say

“After all of that? There’s no way we’re not dating. So yes. I’m gonna call you baby. But you need to go home and I need sleep”

She smiles and says

“Can I have a hug before I go?”

I nod my head and pull her in for a long hug.

I kiss her head and then her nose and then her lips and say

“I love you. Now go. I’ll pick you up for school tomorrow?”

She usually walks to school and I drive but I want to pick her up now. She nods her head and I stop her before she leaves my window and I say

“And I want my hoodie back.”

She laughs softly and says

“No way. It’s mine now.”

Then I pull her back in to me and distract her with a kiss. I say

“Well then. I guess this is mine now”

I swiftly pull the hoodie she has on right now off of her and she pouts and says

“Aw man. That’s a good hoodie.”

I smile and say

“Only the best for me right?”

She smiles finally and nods her head and I say

“Text me when you get home okay?”

She nods her head and says

“Yes ma’am”

I giggle and shake my head. I watch as she walks off into the night and I hop onto my bed and cuddle my stuffed animal with a bright smile on my face.

All of that heartache must have been worth it.

She was right. If loving her kills me, then I would die happy.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

A/N: I actually kind of like how this one turned out. I know I pulled from the songs a lot but at least it was built into the words and not like a normal songfic lol. Because I’ve heard that many people do not like songfics :)

[bruhstation]

I want to know more about Top Hat past before she became a member of the Star Fleet

alright it’s time to strap in because this is gonna be lengthy and heavy at certain points

cw: japanese colonialism, mentions of misogyny and toxic masculinity, internalized transphobia

hwang dong-ha hailed from keijō, which will eventually become seoul after korea gained its independence. at that time, korea was under the japanese colonial rule, and mass industrialization progressed at a rapid speed. dong-ha’s father worked as a laborer at a railroad construction site, and despite the hardships the family faced, dong-ha lived an uneventful childhood. that’s just how things are with other families, she thought. dong-ha had little interest in playing with other children and prefers accompanying her mother at home.

as the iron grip the japanese empire had on korea tightened, the hwang family’s living condition didn’t seem to get any better. in 1921, the hwang family moved to the states, looking for better job opportunities. at least dong-ha still has her parents. 

after dong-ha’s father’s contract as a plantation worker in hawaii expired, the hwang family decided to open their own business in san francisco, utilizing mrs. hwang’s specialty in sewing. a small tailor shop/boutique that specializes in western coats and suits, squeezed between a tight row of stores. things were going slow with the culture difference and all, but business picked up at a steady pace after the hwang family met other korean immigrants in the neighborhood.

due to her upbringing, young dong-ha held onto rather conservative beliefs regarding success. her father is stubborn about the way things have to be done and that rubs off on her. look, dong-ha. look at what we have now! see? if you work hard, you’ll make it in life. you’ll always be rewarded. you wouldn’t have imagined this kind of life when you were a kid!

those questionable words of encouragement didn’t permanently work on dong-ha, though. as she grew older, dong-ha questions more of her world – what will she be doing in the future? will life always be like this? where does her agency start and end? will her world only consist of her, mother, and father? and like every single teenager out there, dong-ha rebels.

the hwang parents noticed dong-ha sudden interest in how she presents herself. if she wasn’t taking enough interest in fashion already, she’s now dressed to the nines in glossy suits and thick coats (conveniently conceals her figure, definitely not some foreshadowing) and acting like some sort of elite socialite, much to her parents’... worry. dong-ha had always been obedient, but attempts at suppressing her just resulted in her pushing her parents away more. she was just having fun with self presentation, being raised during grueling times, and her parents were being annoying about it? fine. she’ll seek her own people.

dong-ha’s companions throughout her young adult years were sons from upper class backgrounds. although her family is not wealthy, dong-ha was friendly and said yes to everything. being invited to cabarets and bars for pool games has now become a regular occurrence to her. she even acquired her liking towards wine from these outings. she will be normal. she WILL fit and everyone WILL like her and her clothes. and her personality – speaking of which, dong-ha becomes more arrogant and self-absorbed as she spends more time with these people. she often lied when asked about her personal life, losing more of her humility. and after a particular incident that got mrs. hwang dragging dong-ha back home in front of her friends, her relationship with her parents deteriorated.

as time passed, dong-ha grew increasingly wary of the subjects her “friends” discussed. how their parents become rich not out of hard work, or how the working class aren’t working hard enough, or the way they talk about women, or the way they view marriage as something transactional, or children… it’s all disturbing to dong-ha. but she doesn’t have any other friends. these men were her only companions besides her parents, and she had to stick with them. that’s how men are supposed to be. this is what she had to do.

this poses another problem – dong-ha was supposed to be a proper “man”. not to mention that she’s the only “son” that her parents have. is this what it means to be a man, then? be crass and rude to assert their dominance? flaunt their physique? fall for women and have them for himself? dong-ha is disgusted, but they aren’t… as if it’s something natural. it doesn’t make sense, and when people can’t make sense of something, they get angry. a man is supposed to be masculine, dress the part, control those below him, woo a woman, then marry her. that’s how things are supposed to be, damnit. but she doesn’t like any of this. dong-ha felt like an outlier.

dong-ha admires women not in a way that’s supposed to fit how a man is expected to: not in an attraction, borderline domineering way, but as if they’re something… graceful. nigh unattainable. they’re resilient and beautiful. they’re beautiful not because she wants them for herself, but because they just are. she was disinterested in the idea of masculinity before, only performing it because that’s what is expected of her, and now she’s wholly appalled by it. looking back, she preferred the days when she was younger and helped her mother with sewing rather than mingling with loud, callous, and misogynistic men.

dong-ha’s friends noticed how dong-ha became less talkative, only drinking with a condescending glare directed at them. she averts her gaze when they were talking about annoying maids or girls, and the streisand effect gets into work. they’d poke fun at dong-ha and joke about how she probably had a bad night; “do you not like women? did a girl reject you or something? you’re being so weird, dong-ha.” and she still had to put on a facade. “they’re so annoying. but what if they aren’t, and the one who’s wrong is actually me? utter nonsense, dong-ha. have some self respect.”

so comes the turning point. after a late night out drinking her frustrations away, she came back home to think about reconciling with her parents and retreat back to her small world – consisting of just her, mother, and father. though she constantly goes back and forth between thinking she’s in the right and feeling guilt towards her parents, the latter of the two consciences won. she found mother and father in the living room that night, and a verbal fight quickly broke out. despite her attempts at apologizing, mother and father kept scolding dong-ha, and in reflex she came to her own defense. dong-ha’s father ended up making hurtful remarks about how she’s an ungrateful son who never appreciates what they have, instead distancing herself from her family to hang out with random wealthy strangers, and how he hated the way she always flaunts herself and other nitpicky things and that clearly cuts deep. because she has never seen her father this mad before. and her mother just stares at her, unmoving. not only is the world outside confusing, now her own world has been tainted.

she is furious. and prideful. and stubborn. wait, she is? she’s stubborn? no. it was them! they don’t understand her. nobody ever does. she’s the one who’s unlucky. the world doesn’t give her the answers even though she has asked so many of them. everyone’s just so incompetent! beneath her!

having given up in trying to make sense of the world outside her own, the disillusioned dong-ha moved to bigg city port while only leaving a single letter to her parents. she needed a new scenery to escape this contradicting world. no more family boutique, no more hangouts with the narrow-minded morons she used to call “friends”. she didn’t fit in with them, or anyone, really – is there really a place for her in this world? logically, there should be. dong-ha is prideful and stubborn. she believes she deserves much more than what she’s given as much as she feels sick at herself.

the boundless sea stretching beyond the docks and piers gained dong-ha’s interest. she asked for a job and some guy directed her to a certain captain archibald star. dong-ha landed a job in bigg city port as a helmsman for the star tug & marine. she was assigned the #4 railway tug “top hat”. captain star’s bouts of american patriotism often made top hat raise an eyebrow, but he was a pretty okay guy. as long as she views him as her employer and nothing else. still, she is quite vain, and due to a lot of dockside workers being men, top hat viewed everyone around her as beneath. doesn’t matter if you’re a star, or a zed, or the two idiots (her own words, not mine) from the railhead, there’s a high chance top hat has broken down your character and constructed several lists of thesaurus-sanctioned phrases personalized just for you inside her head.

though… dong-ha’s coworkers were far, FAR better than her “friends” from her youth. they actually have something meaningful to discuss during breaks besides objectifying women and money and other weird things. hercules is nice and pleasant to talk to, not to mention his open mindedness that earned top hat’s liking. warrior and big mac often gave her headaches, but they put up with her bouts of vanity with a wisecrack or two, much to her surprise. OJ was annoying at times, him being the wisest yet kind of old fashioned, but he’s still decent company. eddie and frank… they’re thing 1 and thing 2. (she likes them. nahhhh she doesn’t. that’s just how she is. actually she does like them. she’ll knock herself on the forehead before even smiling at frank and eddie.)

the stars (some of the zeds too, but you know how they are) also didn’t make any weird comments on how she likes to dress extravagantly even during hot weathers, and even if they did, said comments only go as far as mentioning how fitting it is with her character, nothing more. this is all pre-FBC, and she was still referred to with he/him pronouns. though top hat still hadn’t figured out that she’s a woman because she didn’t realize it’s an option for her (due to the morons she used to hang out with), she has thoughts about ditching the concept of being a “man” fully after reminiscing about how she’s often uncomfortable at being referred to as a “man” or anything that points out her lack of interest in anything masculine. her self discovery is further supported given the healthier environment she’s in, and the revelation that she wasn’t the only person who dealt/was dealing with gender issues (there’s hercules who broke the news for her, then she later met lillie, then ten cents, then sunshine, then boomer, then zip (THIS IS A WHOLE NOTHER CAN TO OPEN)) led to her embracing herself as a trans woman. fortezza bigg city is a tough story for the young’uns like ten cents and zip but things are much better on top hat’s side at this point 

of course, like how everything in this world follows a certain order, this is top hat’s world now. by the events of fortezza bigg city, at the age of 27, top hat is still her usual prideful self, but she’s working on being more compassionate towards people around her (lord stinker says hi). she’s sharp and quick-thinking and is quick to make stinging remarks just for the fun of it, but what’s top hat without a one-liner every five minutes? she’s no longer bitter and withdrawn. top hat’s having fun now <3

[gay-dorito-dust]

‘Damian.’ You called over your shoulder, eyes firmly locked on the thing that currently held your undivided attention.

‘Yeah?’ You heard him call back from another room.

‘Why the fuck is there a cow in your kitchen?’ Damian’s brow was immediately raised upon hearing this. Cow? There’s no way Bat-Cow could’ve- Damian then closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths before joining you in the kitchen, where he could clearly see that the white and brown Bovine cow was indeed in the kitchen, just like you had said.

Now the question of how the cow had gotten into the manor -undetected no less- was a mystery entirely because surly someone would’ve noticed a 610kg, white and brown cow mindlessly clopping down the corridor from rooms away. But none of that mattered anymore as it was irrelevant to the current situation you and Damian both found yourselves in.

‘This day was bound to happen sooner or later, y/n this is Bat-Cow, the family…well cow.’ Damian said as though it were nothing new but for you, everything was made even more confusing. ‘And why do you have a pet cow? is Wayne Enterprises expanding into the farming business is it?’ You asked and Damian felt a headache about to come on.

‘Tt. No, me and father saved Bat-Cow from going to a slaughterhouse and have kept them ever since.’ He explained as he then moved past you to gently pet the cow on the muzzle, smiling softly when Bat-Cow made a noise of content. ‘Besides, this is nothing in comparison to Goliath.’

You made a face at this. ‘I’m sorry but Goliath who?’ You asked and Damian only continued to amuse himself as he petted Bat-Cow. ‘Exactly.’ He couldn’t wait to see your reaction firsthand.

Bruce tends to overwork himself to death most of the time, much to yours and Alfred’s disappointment.

You understood why he does what he does but did he necessarily have to neglect his own health and well-being to do so?

Gotham was a piece of work that is always under continuous construction, never in the hopes of being made better, but instead to be pushed to the side and left to slowly corrode and rot. Gotham was an ever developing plot hole that was bound to become even more than an issue then first assumed.

Gotham wasn’t a place worth saving for it always found a way to relapse back into old harmful habits, much so to the point where it’s own civilians didn’t care whether the city would survive another day, with all the chaos and destruction that seemed to be happening on the daily.

In Gotham it was easy as piss for one to lose all sense of empathy, humility and humanity.

Expect for one man. Bruce Wayne aka Batman. A shining beacon of hope for the future of Gotham in your eyes, a person who looked at the piss, shit and grime that flooded the streets and thought; I could help make this a better place, not by much, but just enough so that the civilians could rest easy knowing they’re looked out for. No matter if I get beaten down again and again, I’ll always get back up because if I don’t, then who will if not me? And you loved him for that and loved even more when he first brought Dick home, followed shortly by Jason, Tim and Damian with the inclusions of Stephenie, Cassandra and Duke respectively.

So nowadays whenever you wanted Bruce to rest, you’d call upon the help of the kids -now grown ass adults with lives of their own- and Alfred to help you drag Bruce away from the screens of the bat-computer.

‘You could’ve just asked nicely.’ Bruce said as he walked with the likes of you, Tim, Dick, Jason and Barbra out of the bat cave after successfully getting Bruce to join you and the remainder of the family- whom were waiting for you all in the dinner room- for dinner that Alfred made.

‘We did, multiple times.’ Jason replied.

‘Well if you consider pulling back his chair from under him asking then yes, yes we did.��� Tim then said as Dick butted himself in the conversation. ‘I mean, it did work in our favour in getting the old man out of the bat cave.’ Murmurs of agreement followed as you leaned against Bruce, staring at your gaggle of kids with nostalgia, chuckling.

‘What’re you laughing to yourself about?’ Bruce asks and you shrug.

‘Nothing, it’s just nice to see that your soft spot for them hasn’t changed after all this time.’ You replied, holding onto his arm as he pressed a small kiss to your head and hums in agreement.

‘They happen to take after you, and you’re hard to say no to in any capacity.’ Bruce answers and you couldn’t help but squint your eyes at him. ‘Liar.’ You tell him with a grin. ‘You just don’t want to admit that I’m right.’

Bruce chuckles and kisses your cheek. ‘Okay, maybe you’re right about one thing.’ He concedes and allows you to drag him down the hallway, happy to be able to see his family all in one place.

Jason who might as well make his apartment a makeshift animal shelter because of how many strays he brings in from off of the street and dangerous living situations.

The pattern in this being that the strays he brings in were dogs that were heavily stereotyped as dangerous and aggressive, hurt, or missing a limb in some capacity. So there would be days where you’d come home to find Jason bathing an XL bully and a Pit bull, whom had some scarring left from when they were used as an illegal fighting dog, and you wouldn’t even bat an eye as you discarded your coat and went to help Jason in drying them off.

‘Where’d you find this one then Jason?’ You asked as you ran a hand through the Pit bulls short fur as it fell asleep on his lap while the XL bully fell asleep in yours.

‘In an alleyway where I was just about finishing up my patrol, tucked away in a darkened corner in a rotting cardboard box where I could heard them whimpering as clear as day.’ He responded. You could hear the anger in his voice towards the mistreatment of the poor dogs and reached over to hold his hand, stroking the back of it with your thumb.

‘You saved them Jason. You’ve given them much more than what their previous owner did tenfold.’ You reassured him, letting him know that the good he’s done will stick with the dogs for a long, long time. ‘Are you planning to give them to Damian to look after before finding them a good home?’ You then asked, having dawn to terms a long time ago that you nor Jason would have the time to properly take care of them yourselves, no matter how much you wanted to but you knew in this instance you couldn’t be selfish.

‘I would but Damian already has his hands full with the Doberman and Staffy we found last time,’ Jason sifted in his seat to look at you, ‘apparently Titus, Alfred and Ace have grown attached to them and refuse to the idea of them leaving. So Bruce is in the process of legally having the dogs be put under his care.’

You visibly perk up as you cuddled the XL bully to your chest. ‘Does that mean?’ Jason couldn’t help but laugh at your inherent cuteness as he pecked your lips. ‘Yes, we get to shelter them a little while longer chipmunk.’ He murmurs against your lips and you couldn’t help but steal a kiss from his lips out of happiness.

‘Have I told you how much I love you lately?’ You asked.

Jason hums. ‘You have but once more couldn’t hurt now would it?’ He teases.

Not even a week later and you and Jason decided to keep Riley the XL bully and Roy the Pit bull and you both love them dearly.

[salty-autistic-writer]

Tommy is sick. 

That doesn’t happen often. And especially not like this. This combination of bone-shattering exhaustion and lung-rattling coughing is new. His whole body is shaking, shivering, sweating into the sheets. His nose is dripping without a pause.

It’s disgusting. Tommy is fighting the urge to tell himself to stop being so pathetic and to get up from the bed before someone can discover how weak and useless he is. He knows where that’s coming from.

He can still hear the echo of his father’s voice. Man up. It’s just a sniffle. Real men don’t lay in bed, acting weak. They get up and out there every day.  For Tommy’s Dad, everything in life had been some kind of battle that had to be won. And it’s pretty ironic that the last battle he fought - and lost - was the one he brought to himself with his alcoholism: pancreatic cancer.

It was ugly. Tommy didn’t care. There have been enough days when he hoped it did hurt plenty. But now he’s trying to leave all that behind him. He’s also trying to overcome the life “lessons” his father pushed into his head, where they took root and grew like parasites. Because now he knows it’s not pathetic to be sick. And he doesn’t have to do everything alone. He has people who care about him and most importantly, he has a special person who loves him on good and bad days. No matter what. It’s not always been easy to accept that. To let down his guard and let himself be loved like that. Because in his experience, good things don’t stay and his heart’s been growing tired of all the disappointments. The losses. But this is different, Evan is different, and they deserve a chance because it’s foolish to let ghosts of the past haunt the unknown future. Tommy doesn’t want to be his own self-fulfilling prophecy anymore.

Tommy waits for another coughing fit to pass, then texts Evan.

Sorry, I’m sick. Can’t do the double date tonight. Tell Maddie I’m sorry. Can you by any chance get me some groceries? I can’t move. 

He doesn’t have to wait long for Evan to answer. With a shocked-face-emoji.

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that you're sick, how are you feeling? I’m coming over! And yeah, totally, send me that list. I’m also going to cook some soup for you!

Tommy feels warmer reading the words. But he still texts back:

I feel like a load of bricks fell on me and now I can’t get up, but I don’t want you to get sick too, Evan :/  

Of course, Evan doesn’t want to hear it.

Hey, don’t worry about me, I have the immune system of a horse, and even if your pesty bacteria manage to throw bricks at me too, that only means, we can be sick together! :)  

Tommy’s chuckle turns into another cough. Evan seems to be so good at finding something positive in every kind of situation. It’s an important part of why Tommy loves him so much.

Okay, he texts and then sends a list of things he needs. After that he feels exhausted and breathless again, so he closes his eyes, trying to take a nap until Evan arrives. The thought makes him smile. It’s nice to not be alone. *

Evan’s eyes widen when Tommy opens.

It took all of Tommy’s strength to put a robe on and drag himself to the door, so now he’s swaying, heaving, trying to pull air through his stuffy red nose and feels so hot. Too hot. He’s glad when Evan puts a steadying hand on his back. “Come on, let’s get you back to horizontal. Jesus. You’re so hot,” Evan says, concern making his voice softer. “Thank you,” Tommy croaks and Evan laughs, shaking his head.

Tommy slumps on the couch and watches through heavy-lidded eyes, as Evan empties the grocery bag on the kitchen counter. He pulls out what Tommy asked for, but also … a whole lot of other stuff. Several bags of flour, salt, sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla.

“I’m going to make you some tea and soup, then bake cookies. I found a recipe that claims to be the best and I want to find out if they’re right,” Evan announces, moving around Tommy’s kitchen with a kind of familiarity that somehow makes Tommy really emotional. There are tears in his eyes and they are not only from all the coughing. 

“Thank you,” he breathes, blinking the tears away. Evan looks at him with a surprised smile. “For what?”

“For being here,” Tommy says seriously. 

“Of course,” Evan says after a little pause, smiling at him. “Now relax, okay? Maybe take a nap. This will take a little while. And your body needs all the rest it can get.”

“Yeah.” A nap sounds nice. Tommy can already feel his swollen eyes falling shut. He listens to the sounds coming from the kitchen and allows himself to drift off.

A little while later, they are snuggled together on the couch, sharing a blanket. Steaming mugs of tea, bowls with equally steaming chicken soup and a plate of cookies on the table in front of them. A Netflix movie is running, but Tommy doesn’t really know what it’s about. After eating the soup - the hot liquid feeling like a balm for his scratchy throat - and sipping his tea, he keeps dozing off, his head resting on Evan’s shoulder.

He’s sick and everything hurts, but he feels comfortable and loved. So it’s not as bad as it could be. 

“How are they?” Evan asks, when Tommy tries a cookie, tilting his head and eagerly waiting for feedback.

Tommy chews, swallows, and then looks at Evan with a sad smile. “Well, the combination of crunch and chewiness is definitely 10/10, but unfortunately, I can’t tell you more than that. Because I can’t taste much right now. Not being able to taste chocolate chip cookies. I think that’s the saddest thing that happened to me today.”

Evan makes a sympathetic noise and cuddles Tommy closer to him, giving him a kiss on his head. “It’s okay. As soon as you feel better, I am going to make them again.”

(A03 Link, Written for @tevanadvent2024, Day 18: Cookies)

[blingblong55]

A story- 141

Heii! I love your writing n was wondering if you could do more platonic!tf141 x reader? I'd love to see you do an angst one where reader almost dies or actually dies from the enemies hands, like maybe by poison or freezing to death bc readergets captured by them? :D ---- GN!Reader, angst, mentions of child!abuse ---- A/N: I apologise for writing this late. Fixed things with Tumblr and I can see all of my requests :)

The room is dark, there is no silence just a hum. It's eerie. Four guns are looking for reasons to shoot. There is a body, lying right by the door, and as the four men step deeper into the room, more bodies lie on the floor. None of them were the object of their mission. So many were just nameless bodies, some were part of the bravo team and then...the object of their mission. 

Was it worth calling it for what it is over the radio? ---

About fifteen months ago, Task Force 1-4-1 received a fresh out-of-training soldier who passed selection with flying colours—recommended to Kate Laswell by an old friend. "I think this kid will fit perfectly with your team. I sought thatthey were ready to be recommended." the man said to her.

From then on, it was set, that Y/N would be a part of the Task Force. Days blended in and Y/N couldn't wait for the day to come to work with the most infamous team that had come out of the SAS. When they met the team, it had been set in motion, this soldier belonged with them. They were made for this kind of life. It didn't take much after they joined to demonstrate why they were recommended to the team. 

Ghost saw some of himself in this young soldier. Price saw visions of his younger self in them, it was odd... having a person their age brings in more reasons to keep going. Gaz knew there was something about them, he took them under his wing. And Soap, the youngest candidate to pass the SAS selection, saw the bright future this new soldier has. 

It didn't take long before this brotherhood was at the doorstep waiting for Y/N to join. 

Their first-ever mission showed the skills that were once on paper. There was a chance, one that would dictate if this kid would wear the patch of the team.

The bullets blazed through the young soldier but they pushed past the storm, ran behind enemy lines and proved the patch on their arm would be permanent. It was bold, sure it was impressive but it was ballsy. There was no punishment just a light scolding. 

By the time they had been with the team for a whole year, another mission would be called upon, this time, no one knew the result. 

Would it be victorious? Shall we even say a horror?

Ghost executed his moves, knives ended up in men's throats because of it. Soap had a bullet to the arm, shit was fucked if this bloke had been hurt. Gaz had been waiting in the getaway car, you see this was meant to be a quick mission. Price yelled over the bullets that hit the wall near him. 

Y/N, yeah...they're the reason the team got away from this mess. But...it wasn't until late that the team realised Y/N hadn't gotten in the humvee with them.  ---

It had been one official week since then. Enough time for Laswell to mark this soldier as M.I.A. 

Price went through all of the mission, wondering where it all went wrong. It was the entrance or the time, hell not even the place was wrong. So what had gone wrong? Surely it couldn't have been the week or the month. Surveillance had proven that the intel given to them was wrong, resulting in the injury of Soap and now the evident torturing of Y/N. 

You had been stuck in a cell, occasionally dragged out of it to be tortured in different rooms according to the highest bidder. It was hell but at least your team wasn't the one in your place. You had grown fond of them and considered them all family by now. You were a kid in their eyes, something that always made them care for you like big brothers would for their younger siblings. 

At pubs, they always made sure you only drank one nice pint and that was it, no need to get a kid like you drunk. There were cigarettes shared, never a cigar because you must have three successful missions before Price gives you that privilege. 

Now, stuck in a dark cell with bruises, cuts and a possible broken bone, you can't help but feel desperation cover you whole. 

They'll find me. I know they will. 

Just another beating, nothing new. 

Just another stab, what more?

A little blood loss never hurt anyone.  ---

This was just like when you were a kid. Getting beat by your dad, mum and even when you were taken away, the next family would do the same. It was a never-ending story for you. But leaving, that was a hell of an idea to have. 

You were fifteen, with a weird feeling that if you didn't leave you'd end up dead, gone and buried. That or by your own hands. So, you left, you walked away or if put in legal terms, you became a ran away. So there you were, with nothing to your name but a backpack with all the important paperwork one needs and in an office to a man who would help you get a better home until you could join the military.  ---

Present day

The room is dark, there is no silence just a hum. 

Price leads the team deeper into the room, then...there was you. Lying unconscious on the floor. Stripped to only a white tank top and underwear. Soap was the first to rush in, covering your body while the rest of the team cleared the remaining rooms. By the time the team cleared the rooms, Soap had let them know you weren't moving but still breathing. 

A couple more beatings were okay, so as long as your team was away from harm's way. 

There was so much they needed to say to a kid like you, so much they wanted to share with you. Hell, smoke a cigar after the doctor clears you, per Laswell's request. But most of all, they wanted to teach you so much. Not just about war or whatever else a soldier might need to know but about life. 

A/N: this isn't an angst as much as I'd want it to be.