#we have such a weird and stupidly complicated relationship

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[phagodyke]

one unfortunate thing abt watching bloody violent up-close-and-personal movies is that it makes me even more crazy touchstarved than usual after.. I need to wrestle someone NOW

[alphajocklover]

I'd like to see how my life would have turned out, 20 years ago, had I joined my college football team instead of the college theater group.

Fuck. Fucking hell this fucking sucks. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. It’s not you, you’re not the reason I’m upset. Your request is interesting and I want to help you with it, I really do. It’s just… to do this, we’re going to have to use time travel. It’s not that it’s impossible or anything, I actually own a time machine so that’s not an issue. It’s that… I fucking hate time travel.

I don’t hate the concept of time travel itself. I think it can be a lot of fun in works of fiction. Doctor Who, Back to the Future, and Star Trek are all things that heavily feature time travel that I’m a big fan of. It’s just that, in real life, it gets so stupidly complicated. You know how every work of fiction seems to have different rules for turn travel? In real life time travel follows all these rules and none of them all at once. If that seems confusing, that’s because it is. It’s insane. But it’s the best chance for doing this, so we’re going to give it a try. Now, close your eyes and hold onto me tight. This is going to feel weird.

You can open your eyes now. Be careful though, it’s going to take a second for your eyes to adjust. We’re outside now, on the football field of your old college. You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing us. I may hate time travel but the time machine is pretty useful. Time travel, space travel, and camouflage. But that’s not important right now. See that skinny guy standing on the opposite side of the field? You should recognize him. It’s you, 20 years ago, as a college freshman. You really wanted to join the football team huh? I can see the longing in your eyes… but also some serious nervousness. I’m guessing this is about when you back out and decide to join the school's theater group. Not this time though. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna change anything drastic. I’m just going to give you a little… push in the right direction. Have to get you to join the team somehow. I just have to whisper some things in his, or I guess your ear while we’re in camouflage… and just like that everything is going to change. Welcome to the football team. You’re a little late on becoming a jock, but you’re a hard worker. You’ll catch up. Speaking of which…

We jumped forward in time. I probably should have warned you, I was just excited to see the changes. We’re not all the way back to the present, not yet. It’s been a year since the other you joined the football team, and just like I predicted you caught up real quick. Even when you were in theater you were a hard worker, and now that you’ve dedicated yourself to football instead, you’re an absolute beast. You’ve had a major growth spurt and fit right in with the guys who have been playing football since middle school, a total jock through and through. Looks like this version of you acts a little more jockish too. Probably because you’ve been spending so much time around jocks, they’ve been rubbing off on you. Literally in one very special case. That’s right, the new you managed to do what you never could in college: get a jock boyfriend. In the original timeline he never even looked your way, but now Tim Wire, the most popular jock in school, is head over heels for you. You two seem to have a great relationship… Let's see if it lasts.

Another jump forward, a much bigger one this time. It’s been about 5 years since you joined the football team. You didn’t go professional, not because you couldn’t but because you didn’t want to. A guy like you could have been a superstar, but you and your fiancée Tim agreed you both wanted something more stable. So you opened up a chain of gyms. It’s a small business, but it has a lot of potential for growth, especially with you as the face of the operation. You basically have it made. You own a small, successful business, have a sexy husband, and are about to adopt a 3 year old. Your life is fucking perfect. Let’s see if it gets better.

A final jump forward. We’re 20 years after you joined the football team, back into the present. You’re still the old you, but that’s only because I have to ‘finalize’ the changes. Take a look around. You might not recognize this place, this huge mansion, but it’s your home. You, your husband Tim, and your adopted son all live here together. This must be your home gym, and I believe that’s you and him flexing over there. Looks like the little guy ended up taking after his dads. He’s huge for an 18 year old. He’s smart too, all ready to take over the family business when you retire. Your gyms are a very successful franchise now, if you can’t tell from the sheer size of your house. It’s just my opinion but I think your life really would have been better if you joined the football team back then. And now it can be. All you need to do is press this button, and finalize the changes. It’s your choice-

Ok, that was quick. I guess it was an easy choice. I hope you enjoy your new life. I would if I were you. I mean a muscular sexy husband, a son you can be proud of, a successful business and an incredible amount of muscles and confidence. You’ve got it made. I just hope we didn’t change too much. I didn’t realize you’d start a gym franchise. That could have a big impact.

I’m sure it’s nothing though. I mean, how many lives can a gym really change?

[suzukiblu]

YJ core four polycule? [eyes emoji]

"So, like, polyamory," Cassie says, and Kon nearly falls off the couch.

"What?" he says.

"Polyamory," Tim repeats patiently. "Cassie and I have been discussing it. We both figured we were going to be the complicated ones here so we were just getting the 'complicated' out of the way in advance."

"You–discussing it?!" Kon chokes as Bart visibly brightens next to him. They're both sitting on the couch in the Titans Tower rec room. Tim and Cassie are standing side by side in front of them in their combined version of leader-mode, which Kon sort of hates and sort of loves and sort of wants to run away and die over.

"Oh thank god, I was worried you guys' socialization was gonna be weird about this," Bart says in obvious relief, clapping his hands together. "Like holy crap but literally everyone in this time period is just such total prudes. Uh. No offense. And like, no lie, the subjective time wait on you all finally figuring out that the four of us should all be kissing each other has been absolutely killing me."

"Sorry for the delay," Tim says with a faint smile that makes Kon's guts want to turn inside out in a good way, assuming that there's any possible "good way" to do something like that. And also, unfortunately, makes him want to throw up. "Cassie and I have been negotiating. And establishing some boundaries."

"Also working on a plan of attack to get us all on a date together," Cassie says. "Tim wanted to do a power point presentation, which I immediately vetoed. So like, there's absolutely a secret power point presentation that he thinks I don't know about if you two wanna see it."

"Yesplease!" Bart blurts immediately, sitting bolt-upright in his seat and looking delighted.

"Sure?" Kon tries, because maybe the power point thing will buy him enough time to stop freaking out.

It does not.

Tim has slides. And graphs. And pictures. And even a little speech prepared, too. He lists all sorts of absolutely dumb and totally weird reasons that they all obviously like each other and how they might all work well in a romantic relationship together and smiles again like four more times and the whole thing is like stupidly adorable and even color-coded and Kon's entire fucking heart breaks in his chest watching it.

He wants that. He wants the others to be right. Wants what Tim is currently pitching to the group of them in the middle of the tower rec room like this is a mission briefing or a battle plan or some stupid high school science class project. He's wanted exactly this for a genuinely fucking embarrassing amount of time, in fact.

But he can't give them that.

He's not . . .

Kon swallows. It hurts. Bart vibrates with glee beside him and Cassie hides a little grin behind her hand and Tim smiles at all of them again as he switches slides. They're all being so cute. All being so sweet. All being so perfect.

Kon wants to kiss all three of them and wrap his arms all the way around them all at once and never, ever let go of a single fucking one of them, not for anything.

But he can't give them what they're asking him for.

Which was fine, before they actually went and asked him for it. It was fine when it was just him pretending to himself, just him being greedy and weird and thinking stupid little secret thoughts that would never see the light of day or actually amount to anything. That never could've actually amounted to anything.

It's not fine anymore.

It's not fine anymore, and Kon can't be okay with that anymore.

[gunilslaugh]

Not How It's Supposed To Be Pt.3

Goo Gunil Summary: You wanted to put everything behind you and move on with your life. Gunil had other plans. (non-idol au) WC:801 Warning:none

part 1 part 2 epilogue!

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil lets himself into your place, heading into your living room. 

“Sure come in,” you mumbled under your breath. You closed your door then headed over to your living room.

“I said to get out, not disappear,” he says. You sigh and take a seat on your couch, half-hazardly motioning for Gunil to sit too.

“It was clear that you didn’t want me around and I wanted to be done with it too,” you spoke. Gunil sat down beside you.

“Did you mean it when you said that you cared about me?” he questioned. His demeanor seemed softer.

“Is that why you came here?” You avoided answering.

“Just answer me.” He almost sounded desperate. 

“I did,” you told him. “Now why are you here?” you asked.

“I wanted to see you,” he tells you. 

“Why? Aren’t I the kind of person you hate the most?” you returned. 

“You should be. However even with being as mad at you as I was, I couldn’t seem to hate you. Our relationship was built on lies, so it came crashing down when you revealed the truth, yet for some reason seeing you walk out that door hurt more than finding out the truth.” 

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” you apologized. Gunil laughed at your apology. 

“Don’t apologize to me. I’ve never received a sincere one before it feels weird,” he says. 

“Maybe if you received one you wouldn’t have turned out like this,” you stated. The atmosphere in the room begins to lighten up. 

“Maybe if I had someone who cared about me I wouldn’t have turned out like this.” He turns to look at you.

“I was supposed to forget about you. I told the truth to the people I was working with. They got pissed at me. I mean I understand, but it still doesn’t feel great, but that was supposed to be the end of this mess. I was going to move on with my life and act like none of this ever happened.” 

“You can’t forget about me,” he tells you. 

“Why? You don’t want me too?” you played. 

“No, you’re not allowed to,” he responds. 

“Well nothing had gone how it was supposed to anyway,” you chuckled. 

“Come back to work then,” he says. 

“Gunil. I don’t think I can. I don’t want anything to do with it,” you tell him. 

“Your job is a normal job y/n,” he points. 

“But I know what’s going on under the table,” you argued. 

“I miss seeing you at work. I miss having lunch in my office. I miss sitting closer to you than I should.” He scooted closer to you on the couch, making his leg rest against yours. “I still want to be close to you. I want you to keep caring about me…cause I care about you too,” he reveals. 

“I don’t know if we work though. I feel so morally conflicted when it comes to you. My brain tells me I’m being the stupidest person ever, but my heart wants to be close to you too.” 

“Listen to your heart then,” he tells.

“It’s not that simple,” you say. 

“It is if you let it be. Stop over complicating things.” He knocked you with his elbow. 

“But over complicating things has been my thing lately.” 

“Exactly, so stop. You know that you like me, so let’s just like each other,” he states. 

“Are you confessing?” You raised your brows. 

“Yes, I’m stupidly in love with you,” he confessed. “So please be with me. You don’t have to come back to work if you really don’t want to, but let's see each other,” he said. 

“But what if things go terribly wrong? You know people are still after you,” you brought up. Gunil lets out a sigh. 

“I can handle it, don't worry. Gosh your pretty little head shouldn’t worry so much,” He places his hand on your head. 

“But-” Gunil moves his hand on the top of your head to the back of your neck, pulling you close to him. His nose grazes against yours. His eyes move from your eyes to your lips. 

“I said don’t worry.” He closes the distance between the two of you. His lips pressing against yours. You relax into him, hands coming to rest on his chest. His hand on the back of your neck gives a gentle squeeze and his other hand comes to rest on your waist. The two of you pull away from each other. 

“So work starts at the same time as usual?” you asked with a flush face. Gunil chuckles happily. He leans in and presses another peck to your lips. 

“Mhm, don’t be late,” he teased you. 

Nothing turned out how it was supposed to be, but somehow you couldn’t be happier with the result.

part 1 part 2 epilogue!

A/N: villain Gunil is wrapped thank you everyone for reading!

Taglist: @purplelady85 @gingerjunhan @ezlynkisses @chewednails @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143

[presidenthades]

⚠️HOtD season 2 ep. 4 spoilers⚠️

Your thoughts on this ep🎤?!

Adding my two cents: SUNFYRE AND AEGON WERE SO CUTE, but wtf was that fight🧍🤨 Aemond bbg wtf?? Anyhow, cuties:

TLDR: I’m not even mad anymore, I’m just disappointed (by the writing, per usual; the rest of the show is fine). I’m mostly still on the S2 boat because of the little moments like Sunny and Egg. It makes for great fanfic fuel!

Honestly, this was Criston’s best episode of the entire season so far. Getting him away from Alicent and putting him on the battlefield showcases his better qualities. Also, I love his interactions with Gwayne, it gives me life. Would totally watch a spinoff series where the two of them go on side quests.

I feel like the Harrenhal scenes aren’t super important narratively and the screentime could’ve been devoted to other characters. HOWEVER. The Harrenhal bits are just so fun to watch that I can’t really complain. TBH, it feels like Daemon is getting the best writing (in terms of character arc and narrative coherence) of all the main cast. But uh…one does wonder why he drinks a random-ass potion from a witch lady who just told him he’s gonna die at Harrenhal. (Speaking of whom, I am greatly enjoying Alys Rivers. I’m glad they haven’t made her a femme fatale. She’s just weird. Joff would love her.)

Opinion: they got rid of Kermit Tully and made Oscar the heir because the show wants to minimize Muppet memes. Very sad. 😔

If you’re following my blog, then you know I’m an Aegon fan, so I acknowledge I’m probably biased. But all of the Greens are just shitting on Aegon this episode, holy cow. I totally understand Aemond being snotty and excluding Aegon from schemes; even in the most generous interpretation of their brotherly relationship, they’re often at odds and Aemond looks down on Aegon. But Cole is the Hand of the King, not the Hand of Aemond. Even if Cole is on the front lines, he should be including Aegon.

Alicent has just completely lost the sympathetic traits she possessed in S1. I’ve never thought of her as an especially good mother, but she did love her children—definitely Aemond and Helaena, and there were the “do you love me” and standing between Aegon and the dragon scenes. She also seems to have forgotten that she was one of the people yelling at Aegon to step up and take the crown, and now she wants to hit the reverse button. 🙄 S2 Alicent is not the same character as S1 Alicent, and even S1 Alicent varied from episode to episode. For fic purposes, I’m just completely ignoring what the show writers are doing with her because it makes no sense.

I think TGC would’ve killed a scene where he gets to speak more fluent High Valyrian, but it makes sense that Aegon isn’t good at speaking it. Aegon has never been the scholarly sort, and High Valyrian (if you’ve been trying it on duolingo like me) is not an intuitive language for English-only speakers. I do think Aegon should’ve learned more dragon commands at least, but apparently Sunfyre decided to be the world’s first bilingual dragon and learn common tongue for Aegon’s sake. :3 At this point I’m convinced that Sunfyre is the only living creature who actually unconditionally loves Aegon. No wonder Aegon is messed up.

Back in Driftmark: we finally get confirmation of who the Hull boys are! Not explicitly, but it’s hard to deny that they’re Corlys’s kids like in the book. I kinda wish we got more scenes with Rhaenys talking about/interacting with them though. She seems to have had complicated feelings about the boys.

Visually, the battle was amazing to watch. Some of the best shots I’ve seen during the entire show. But, as I often complain about, the characters’ actions don’t make sense. If you’ve been on social media, then you’re probably aware that Aemond attacking Aegon has been very controversial, and for good reason. I cannot comprehend the Aemond stans (I’m an Aemond fan, but I’m very aware that he’s a flawed character who can act stupidly sometimes) who refuse to acknowledge that this was NOT a good move. Vhagar is a formidable dragon but she can’t win a 1 v 4 against Caraxes, Syrax, Vermax, and Moondancer (and those aren’t even all the dragons the Blacks will eventually have). Vhagar could take out some of the other dragons, but she’s definitely dying in a battle like that. So no, this was not a smart or strategic action on Aemond’s part, at all.

It could be explained as an action taken in the heat of the moment, with Aemond overcome by adrenaline and his anger toward Aegon. But we just saw Aemond two episodes ago being sad about killing Luke, against whom he held a grudge for years because of his eye. Aegon is his brother, and their interactions in S1E8 indicated that even if they’re not besties, they do operate on the same wavelength. Aegon was an idiot for making fun of Aemond in S2E3, but that should not have pushed Aemond over the edge to attempted fratricide/regicide.

At least Cole and Sunfyre care about Aegon, since clearly nobody else does. 🥲 *author shoves a Jacaera toward Aegon*

[sable-skies]

TLDR: You are so right about Voltron. And my new understanding of the shows many shortcomings resulted in a stupidly long rant where I said nothing you didn’t say already.

…

The fact that they were supposed to be found family, but ended up being co-workers 😭

My memories are admittedly a bit blurry (I refuse to rewatch it for my own sanity!)

But I so clearly remember them all being so… mean(?) to one another, especially to Lance. Both the writers and the characters usually treated him as a joke. Ouch.

I just remember them snapping at eachother alot, and I don’t think there were all that many instances where they had proper heart-to-heart conversations (not counting Keith and Shiro)

There were only of handful of instances where they all felt like friends. The Swap Moon??? Trading Planet??? -episode being one of them.

(It‘s stupid, and small. But I still fondly remember that one scene where they make noises and argue about the sound a blaster makes)

And as you said- most of them barely felt like they had relationships. Lance was generally the most connected I think; Bff with Hunk, usually played off of Coran, became Keith‘s right hand man (I think they were one of my favorite duos if I remember correctly. And I enjoyed watching them balance eachother out. Even if the Lion swap sucked.), had some moments with Pidge, and he did end up with Allura. Zero connection to Shiro though, which is weird. He‘s their OG leader after all.

And Allura. ALLURA. She always felt sidelined to me, which??? Voltron is HER FATHERS legacy?! HELLO?! I wish we had seen more of her development on screen. Her hatred of Galra (Keith dipped so quickly after finding out what he is, I wish there had been more there), losing her people (how come that came only into play much later???) it‘s just so AUGH.

Let‘s stick Keith on a space whale for character development while we‘re here. Bye Bye I guess.

The fact that they fumbled the Ball so bad when it comes to these characters and their relationships is so wild. You can LITERALLY trace all their goals, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. back to 'wanting to find family/home'. Lover - Shiro. Parent - Pidge and Keith. Family - Hunk and Lance. Home - Allura and Coran

And the way the show was always advertised is so frustrating. Adam being the most egregious example course. But also 'Diplomat Hunk' for example. So often I remember them saying stuff like 'this character will have a bigger spotlight in future episodes'. And then they just. Didn‘t.

(The fact that they expanded the cast at the end was a horrible choice imo. They were already floundering with the core 7)

Also- I totally agree. "It doesn’t matter where I come from, who my parents are, or what they did. I am my own person! And I found my own home!" And then- half a season (?) later it‘s "I‘m going with the Blade to find out more about my mom."

Those are the kind of arcs that piss me off the most. I liked Keith before that scene, but I have to admit that this decision made me dislike him a little bit.

I get that this kind of stuff can be complicated irl, and that it isn‘t always easy to move past the 'never knew my parent' situation.

But just ONCE. I wanted a character to say that and STICK with it.

Piling onto all that the fact that they always stuck the paladins with clearly established relationships together obviously didn‘t help. You are so right for everything you said. I didn’t even realise how many thoughts I had about the show.

I can‘t wait for you to tear it into pieces sometime in the future. It‘ll be cathartic I‘m sure.

SHAKING YOUR HAND I LIKE UR MAGIC WORDS FUNNY ANON

Honestly it would probably be better if I never did touch it again but alas, I'm a spiteful creature who loves getting angry so when I get the chance to I leap like a damn frog. Also I've never seen season 8, I was so completely out of the series by the time it came out that I never even bothered. One day I'm gonna watch it. One day.

YOURE RIGHT THO I'm gonna admit this: I disliked Pidge heavily for awhile because I thought she was so damn mean and given her history of not giving a shit about anyone other than her family i was like "yeah i hate you now" not anymore i think, she'd probably land a solid 5 on a 10 scale for me nowadays but man. Man.

THE BLASTER SCENE IS SO ICONIC BECAUSE IT FELT SO GENUINE!! I think they tried too hard to replicate some of that earlier magic in later seasons but it all just. fell flat on its face. like a pug with bad coordination. it's so embarrassing now looking back.

I THINK I REMEMBER DIPLOMAT HUNK OH MY GOD. smashing my head into a wall AHUAHGHGHAHH this show is gonna give me brain damage im so MAD. all of it is so. BLOWS UP BLOWS UP BLOWS UP!!!!!!!

oh dude i cannot even remember the human characters they introduced in season 7(?), which ever one it was. like i remember griffin because he got into a fight with keith but thats about it. the rest of them are literally cardboard cutouts of people. and i hate how the garrison was handled, i wish they were a bit more morally grey but shrugs yknow. whatever WRITERS. hnrn.

I understand the value of family, but man sometimes water is thicker than blood and I think its important to show that!! let these kids be friends with each other and find the home theyre missing in each other!!!! WRITERS WHEN I GET YOU-

i enjoy your thoughts about the show as well!! its rather nice to reflect back on it and spit some venom with others who also hate that damn thing. my therapist would be so happy with this i think. (i should email her)

One Day. One day its gonna happen.

[nighttimeclassics]

why does expressing yourself suck so much - emotions fucking suck.

honestly this is a venting of aggravations more than anything, but I just need to get it out of my body.

why is living out loud, and expressing genuine emotion always met with disdain??? to preface what brought this on, i wrote my friend a book for his birthday - which I was nervous about because it was a last minute decision. i was initially making him a blanket, but I ran out of yarn SO FAST, and couldn't get any more so in a panic wrote him a mythology book because that is something we both enjoy,. I felt bad about it though because he's dyslexic and hates reading books, but the only thing I could afford was spending my own time, because I have no money, so it was the only thing I could think of. and he painted me the most amazing dragon for my birthday a few months back. on top of that, he is one of my best and only friends. i don't know if he knows that. he lives hundreds of miles away and has a solid social network, so I don't know if he knows he's one of the most important people in my life. fuck me that's depressing. but I know Im not one of his closest friends by a long way. i don't think I'm anyone closest friend. shit. he didn't have a bad reaction to the gift, he seems to have liked it, but these reactions were over text, so i cant read the tone at all. i thought it was weird as well considering when it was my birthday, we opened my present together over facetime, so we could talk about it, so why was this over text? but also i just have to keep reminding myself that I'm probably hormonal at the minute and reading too much into everything, especially with the rsd.

but you know, being autistic, with alexithymia and rejection sensitivity dysphoria i have a complicated relationship with birthdays. i have always loved giving people presents to show how much they mean to me, but i learnt very quickly that my elaborate weirdly personal gifts weren't appreciated by most people so i stopped doing that a while ago. but you know, recently i thought fuck that, i want to be my authentic self. i am a stupidly emotional person and i am ridiculously devoted to those i love, friends and family alike. but people always misread my emotions, assuming i fancy them or stuff like that, to the point i even have to question myself - like a reverse of that moment in arrested development when Gob and that magician think they are in love with one another but its just friendship. people should really realise given how ace i am that i am not in love with them, at least as far as i am aware. but god forbid i try and do anything nice, i just don't understand why it makes people uncomfortable? especially when i a, only 'revealing' myself in this way who i feel comfortable around - in line with my efforts in unmasking myself.

and our friendhsip is tentative anyways because he's thought I had feelings for him a while ago - but I don't think that I do - everyone always thinks I'm in love with my friends. but its not my fault that we are all queer, suspected or confirmed neurodivergent nerds. I'm rambling like there is no tomorrow but I think basically what I'm saying is that his reaction made me overthink everything (it doesn't help that we went from talking on facetime a lot to now only talking on text after the accusation that I had feelings for him back in like January) I only just got him back as a friend, I don't want to lose him and I wish I was allowed to live out loud and express myself the way I want to without judgement from society, and those that I trust. I'm bored of hiding myself or walking on eggshells. and I feel like a twat because all of this is over a fucking shitty birthday present that I probably shouldn't have written in the first place. fucks sake. i hold on too tight to people I think. and that is never received well. i try to be normal in my friendships - especially the two I have at the minute. i get that they are the only two friends I have, and they have a bunch so I try not to annoy them when they are the only people I can talk to, but I don't think its working. gods all of this is just a fucking pity party and I need to get a fucking grip jesus christ

[gossipaboutelonmusk]

That time Grimes made a reddit post about how abusive Elon is.... Allegedly.

My (31f) boyfriend (49m) convinced me that we needed to stop talking to my mom. I figured out why and it's messing me up

relationship_advice

Original

throwRA-shifte

6216 2020-05-18 22:30:21

**edit: I decided it's in my best interest to delete the contents of this post.

Everything is under control, thank you all for all your help. Much appreciated.**

Going to do bullet points so this doesn't get to be 100000000 pages long. Also, the title is like, the tip of the iceberg so buckle up I guess

Also I have been up since 4 on 2 hours of sleep and my brain is fried all the time so bear with me pls be nice to me

together for almost 3 years

got pregnant unexpectedly; had a super difficult pregnancy with many complications including severe HG, bleeding, finding out I have a gene mutation that causes pregnancy complications and birth defects. We broke up at the beginning of my pregnancy because he thought I was being dramatic about the HG and refused to take me to the hospital. After i was taken to the hospital and the doctors told him how close to dying I had been he realised he'd been stupid and we reconciled.

I was in labor for almost 60 hours, things didn't progress properly, there were complications, I finally had an emergency c section. Baby was born on Star Wars day 🌟

recovery has been completely awful for me and once again my boyfriend has decided I'm being dramatic because "(Son) is an easy baby". This somehow doesn't cure my continued nausea, pain from having my abdomen opened and then stitched shut, rock hard boobs and sleep deprivation but thanks I guess. He changes diapers and holds/plays with baby when he's not working or fucking around on the internet.

So the stuff about my mom:

Shortly after we reconciled, he and my mom had a disagreement about something. At the time he told me that she was being toxic and trying to meddle in our relationship and that it was better if we ceased communication. He showed me screenshots from his phone that at the time seemed fairly convincing. My mom isn't crazy about him anyway, and she'd made no secret about that when we were separated, so even though I was surprised by the things "she" was saying I did believe him (and stupidly felt like it was the right thing to do to make things work with him).

It bothered me that he was constantly asking me if I had been talking to her and that he was paranoid about it but I was like well, what she said was really hurtful (basically that he was abusing me but that I was too stupid to see it and that she was going to come take our baby away so he wouldn't be raised by him), so I understand.

A couple of days ago I overheard him talking about me on a discord voice chat, basically complaining that I was being lazy and useless since I gave birth and that it was my "job" so I needed to suck it up and do it. I didn't let him know that I had overheard, but I was upset. Later on we were in the bedroom and the baby was losing his mind and I was having trouble getting him to latch and I was in so much pain and I just started crying and saying I wanted my mom. He snapped at me that my mom had filled my head with feminist garbage my whole life and that was why I was weak and couldn't handle something women had been doing for thousands of years. I was kind of floored. I'd never heard him say anything like that before. I told him he needed to leave and go sleep elsewhere because I was really hurt.

When he went to work the next morning I decided to call my mom and to see what the hell he has been doing on the internet, because I felt like that was the logical step to take.

I was not that surprised to find that he'd been on men's rights type websites (if you agree with that fine whatever) and was using them to express his frustration that although he'd thought he'd found an ideal young partner who would have babies and turn into an ideal housewife (which was so weird to read because I feel like I'm the furthest thing from some housewife type and I'm not shy about that, I guess my mom has been filling my head with feminist garbage my whole life after all 😂. When we first met it seemed like we had lots of shared interests and ideas and he enjoyed my independence), but that pregnancy had made me gross and useless and then giving birth made me even worse, saying the only good thing about me was that I had a boy my first go.

I was pretty surprised however to learn that the original conversation he and my mom had was about his attitude toward me but had nothing to do with him being abusive and she never threatened to take the baby, she just suggested to him that if he really loved me he would support me and be there for me. He told HER she'd never speak to me again and that she'd never meet her grandchild. She forwarded me the conversations.

I'm not wrong in thinking this is all totally fucked up, right? There's absolutely no saving a relationship like this? I know it seems pretty cut and dry when it's all laid out but like...I just need someone to give me some advice on what to do, where to go from here?

Edit: I'm okay and everything is okay but I may be quiet/slow to reply while I get some things sorted out. Thank you for all your advice.

Going to do bullet points so this doesn't get to be 100000000 pages long. Also, the title is like, the tip of the iceberg so buckle up I guess

Also I have been up since 4 on 2 hours of sleep and my brain is fried all the time so bear with me pls be nice to me

together for almost 3 years

got pregnant unexpectedly; had a super difficult pregnancy with many complications including severe HG, bleeding, finding out I have a gene mutation that causes pregnancy complications and birth defects. We broke up at the beginning of my pregnancy because he thought I was being dramatic about the HG and refused to take me to the hospital. After i was taken to the hospital and the doctors told him how close to dying I had been he realised he'd been stupid and we reconciled.

I was in labor for almost 60 hours, things didn't progress properly, there were complications, I finally had an emergency c section. Baby was born on Star Wars day 🌟

recovery has been completely awful for me and once again my boyfriend has decided I'm being dramatic because "(Son) is an easy baby". This somehow doesn't cure my continued nausea, pain from having my abdomen opened and then stitched shut, rock hard boobs and sleep deprivation but thanks I guess. He changes diapers and holds/plays with baby when he's not working or fucking around on the internet.

So the stuff about my mom:

Shortly after we reconciled, he and my mom had a disagreement about something. At the time he told me that she was being toxic and trying to meddle in our relationship and that it was better if we ceased communication. He showed me screenshots from his phone that at the time seemed fairly convincing. My mom isn't crazy about him anyway, and she'd made no secret about that when we were separated, so even though I was surprised by the things "she" was saying I did believe him (and stupidly felt like it was the right thing to do to make things work with him).

It bothered me that he was constantly asking me if I had been talking to her and that he was paranoid about it but I was like well, what she said was really hurtful (basically that he was abusing me but that I was too stupid to see it and that she was going to come take our baby away so he wouldn't be raised by him), so I understand.

A couple of days ago I overheard him talking about me on a discord voice chat, basically complaining that I was being lazy and useless since I gave birth and that it was my "job" so I needed to suck it up and do it. I didn't let him know that I had overheard, but I was upset. Later on we were in the bedroom and the baby was losing his mind and I was having trouble getting him to latch and I was in so much pain and I just started crying and saying I wanted my mom. He snapped at me that my mom had filled my head with feminist garbage my whole life and that was why I was weak and couldn't handle something women had been doing for thousands of years. I was kind of floored. I'd never heard him say anything like that before. I told him he needed to leave and go sleep elsewhere because I was really hurt.

When he went to work the next morning I decided to call my mom and to see what the hell he has been doing on the internet, because I felt like that was the logical step to take.

I was not that surprised to find that he'd been on men's rights type websites (if you agree with that fine whatever) and was using them to express his frustration that although he'd thought he'd found an ideal young partner who would have babies and turn into an ideal housewife (which was so weird to read because I feel like I'm the furthest thing from some housewife type and I'm not shy about that, I guess my mom has been filling my head with feminist garbage my whole life after all 😂. When we first met it seemed like we had lots of shared interests and ideas and he enjoyed my independence), but that pregnancy had made me gross and useless and then giving birth made me even worse, saying the only good thing about me was that I had a boy my first go.

I was pretty surprised however to learn that the original conversation he and my mom had was about his attitude toward me but had nothing to do with him being abusive and she never threatened to take the baby, she just suggested to him that if he really loved me he would support me and be there for me. He told HER she'd never speak to me again and that she'd never meet her grandchild. She forwarded me the conversations.

Notes:

Source

Worth reading the comments section posted in the link.

 Also, this article is a pretty good synopsis.

[stefwithanf90]

Redoing 5000 survey

1. Who are you?

I’m Stef, how about you?

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?

I have3 wonderful kids, I’m very chatty and I love comedy.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing?

Doing stuff with my kids.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if yoare out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time).

I f I remember correctly I loved English, Science, Food Tech, Art, Music the most. I disliked PE, Histoey, geography and DYT. Math, Religion and PSHE was in the middle.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year?

I’m planning to enroll in a Psychology course despite being 34 :)

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years?

Growing even further from therapy. Kids in a good place and hopefully starting a career :)

7. What stage of life are you in right now?

The I can’t be fucked with drama and just want to be happy stage.

8. Are you more child-like or childish?

I certainly think I can fit into both. I am child like in that I’m playful, have an immature humour sometimes and I’m naive but I’m also childish as I can be petty and a bit petulant sometimes.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud?

Shhhh

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now?

Not sure.

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes?

I did for a year, yeah

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same?

It goes through cycles.

13. Does time really heal all wounds?

No, some wounds can’t be healed by time. Time can make wounds easier to deal with though.

14. How do you handle a rainy day?

Just watch funny or interesting stuff.

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?

Luggage

16. How is your relationship with your parents Will you miss them when they are gone?

Mostly good though we have some complicated history but of course I’ll miss them when they’re gone.

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you?

Not always no. It’s funny because due to trauma I’m hyper vigilant. But in general I barely notice anything going on it’s a weird mix.

18. What is the truest thing that you know?

That life is for living.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Actress, Psychologist, Singer

20. Have you ever been given a second chance?

Sure probably more than I deserved.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker?

I used to be much more of a giver but now I feel I even it out more.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?

I always try to. Obviously it’s hard to be objective always but that’s my intention going into things.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?

Childbirth or a trapped nerve in my back— both stupidly painful.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?

Having to cope with trauma hitting me years later and to deal with the people I love the most being hurt by my decisions. Last year and even the start of this year I wasn’t sure I could carry on honestly.

25. Who have you hugged today?

My son

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?

My son.

27. Do you have a lot to learn?

Oh of course - we all do.

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?

Playing an instrument, becoming a great author, be a better Mum

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how othepeople make you feel?

I’d say how they make me feel. What people do can be hurtful but often forgiven if I understand their motives same for what they say but if someone hurts me so deeply they ingrain what it felt like to me in my soul it’s hard to ignore that even years later as I won’t rem m we the circumstances just how that person made me feel.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?

Honestly being healthy yourself first - that’s what I’ve learnt this year you can’t know what a healthy relationship looks like without having a healthy relationship qurh yourself.

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?

See my kids grow up and be happy, get a career of my own, help a good number of people

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?

See my kids suffer, slowly die of an illness, kills one one who didn’t deserve it

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?

Just treating people how you’d like to be treated.

34. What does each decade make you think of:The 19..20's:30's:40's:50's:60's:70's:80's:90's:2000 2010's:

Take too long todo all these lol.

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?

I’d say 90s as was years I was born and a young child though 00s are also dear to my heart as I grew up and became an adult then and learnt much about life then.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?

Toomany!

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country?

Yak and Jeremy Corbyn

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?

I tend to listen to Audiobooks or Podcasts or even the Radio. I’d listen to True Crime or Educational channels if had to choose though.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?

Hmmm I dunno a villain who only became a villain because they couldn’t see a way out or because of circumstances - is never knowingly do anything cruel.

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?

Was a Guide for a few years.

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?

Im pretty chill with either I guess would depend on journey time/price etc.

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?

Sky isn’t blue during the day it’s how the light filters through the Earth

43. What does your name mean?

Crowned in a Greek.

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?

I’d find both scary.

45. Word association

Take too long lol

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?

Freddy Mercury

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive?

Less sure tbh

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?

Lots of Disney’s and the Harry Sootters

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?

Flashlight with batteries, food, a crossword book, drink.

I decided to do it because I’ve tried it 3 times since 16 and have only ever got upto around .500 or so, so I wanted to actually break the mold and do it properly especially before it gets deleted off the internet like BZoink did.

If you fancy doing this along with me as well feel free just tag to say you’re doing it as well and I’ll also check out your answers. This is so nostalgic for me :)

Wuah me luck to complete it this time :D

[ratedn]

Alright, project breakdowns real quick

Signed in Blood -Demonic themed realistic fiction drawing heavily from Goetian magic influences. (Although the actual practices are modified so none of you dumb fucks try to summon a demon after reading it)

Characters from Signed in Blood. @signed-in-blood-the-book

Ksenia - She/They. Pansexual. Edgy.

Kye - He/him. Straight/bi (since his girl Ksenia is she/they). Smart.

Pim - He/him. Gay. Absolute mess but lovable.

Your Stupid Face - realistic fiction teen romance with QPR and straight relationships. @your-stupid-face-the-book

Ellis - He/Him. Queer. Emotional.

Lindsey - She/her. Queer. Intelectual

Here we go!

😇 - Ellis. He is blatantly aware of how stacked the odds are against him, yet he continues on regardless

😈 - Ellis. He is stupidly overconfident in his decisions and almost always second guesses himself weeks after the event (usually after the major consequences have faded)

👥 - Kye and Ksenia's relationship most closely resembles my romantic/queer platonic (it's complicated) relationship. They are always ride or die with everything and will gladly see each other to hell and back

❔- Kye. He is such a good person in the most fundamental sense, but his actions tend to have consequences that hurt others around him but not him. I. E. He doesn't tend to get the consequences, they tend to be deflected (usually unintentionally) to his family/friends.

❓- The thing in the fire's Shadow. This entity is very cruel and they torture and play with their victims before they eventually burns them alive so that he can take their soul and the best part of their body (Think Eldritch horror meets serial killer). Despite this, their motives are extremely complex and the more victims that die the more you learn about them

❕- Ellis. He's so fun and nuanced, but writing a straight white boy who is extremely stereotypical nerd is so boring to write.

❗- The thing in the fire's Shadow. As said before, this character is so nuanced and I feel like I the writer learn more about them as I write a new short story about a victim.

😄 - Lindsey. She is just an absolute mess with so much going on all the time, but she is such a kind soul. Lindsey is broken in such an enduring way that I would have such an intimate bond with her.

🥰 - Pim. He is such a goober, no other way to describe him. His charm is inescapable and he always manages to make someone laugh with a poorly timed joke. He's excellent at breaking tension, and is unconventionally attractive.

🍕 - Kye. He is a passionate gamer, and he loves his friends so dearly. His favorite thing is a walk in the woods, alone, after dark.

🎭 - The thing in the fire's Shadow. I really don't understand this character, and sometimes when I write him I feel like I'm watching someone else type his story out.

⚔️ - Kye. Whenever Kye gets upset he shuts down and goes nonverbal. He won't speak again until he has found a logical and practical solution to the problem/source of his frustration.

😭 - Ksenia. Whenever she/they (pronouns are weird) gets really sad she tends to have minor psychological breakdowns that range from emotional turnoff to manic (not sure that's the right word) sobbing.

❤️ - Pim. He cares for people through excessive physical touch and constant words of affirmation. Whenever his friends engage in negative self talk he will aggressively correct them by pointing out all the wonderful things about them.

🎉 - Ellis. Whenever he is excited he is bouncy, full of energy, and has a radiant smile. You'll never hear him talk about being excited, but you will always be able to tell.

💩 - Now that's a personal question! If you want to find an exact answer, you can read the books and chapters as they come out, but far too many is a general answer. And yes. I love all my Internet friends and I'm glad to be here.

👁️ - Kye. He's based off of my friend Joseph (who unfortunately is straight because he would make a great lover). It's a very loose interpretation of him, but I think it captures his soul so I made a note about it in the foreword.

🦴 - Kye, Ksenia, Pim. All of them will proudly face death standing up, not on their knees. Whenever they see someone die or hear about it, they go into a silent stupor for days or weeks until reality hits them and they actually begin to move forward. (No spoilers for the novel/book (If it ever gets finished))

Pretend legal disclaimer about not taking any advice and being protected under international copyright law, blah blah blah and what not.

Now to tag some other writers and heavily encourage my moots to take a stab at analyzing me. @thylocalbard @tailsmillion @thethinkingaurora @evanslawyer @possibly-a-table-or-just-gay @shortgaything @writing-prompt-s @soulweaver-x

Anyone else who sees it be sure to join in (no pressure

Authorial Psychoanalysis OC Asks

You read that painfully phrased title correctly, today we're going to ask about your OCs and use them to psychoanalyze you!

😇- What is the best quality this character shares with you?

😈- What is the worst quality this character shares with you?

👥- Which of your OCs' relationships (platonic or romantic) most resembles one of your own?

❔- Which nominally "good" character do you like the least? (as a person)

❓- Which nominally "bad" character do you like the most? (as a person)

❕- Which nominally "good" character do you enjoy writing the least?

❗- Which nominally "bad" character do you enjoy writing the most?

😄- Would you be good friends with this character?

🥰- Would you date this character?

🍕- What "favorites" does this character share with you? (Favorite food, color, weather, etc.)

🎭- Are there any characters you as the author don't really understand? Why?

⚔️- Which character shows anger in the same way as you?

😭- Which character shows sadness in the same way as you?

❤️- Which character shows care in the same way as you?

🎉- Which character shows joy in the same way as you?

💩- How many of your characters have self-esteem issues and are you aware that we all enjoy your presence on the hellsite?

👁️- Is this character based off someone you know in real life? Who?

🦴- How does this character process death?

Pretend Legal Mumbo Jumbo: By answering one of these asks you give your consent for all other participants to attempt psychoanalysis (or satirical psychoanalysis) in the replies and reblogs, so long as this analysis is respectful and kind. You agree that PhoenixRadiant is not legally responsible for any therapy, epiphany, good vibes, bad vibes, dumb jokes, witty jokes, or other phenomena these answers, asks, and analyses may cause.

And now to tags the mutualses: @somethingclevermahogony,@theidealistcynic,@agirlandherquill, @the-ellia-west,@smudged-red-ink,@aestheic-writer18,@pastellbg, @tildeathiwillwrite,@illarian-rambling,@baconandeggs-25, @thewritingautisticat,@aalinaaaaaa,@elizaellwrites

[mypoisonedvine]

Reader and Steve end up exposed to something on a mission that cause them to body swap. It would be hot as hell if one of them was seeing Bucky too and he decides to have fun with their misfortune.

(okay so this is kind of a crack fic so im sorry in advance asgjakhsagdj this is the WEIRDEST SMUT I’VE EVER WRITTEN... very nsfw and a slight touch of dubcon beneath the cut.)

you’d only been in Steve’s body for a few hours when you began to understand how deprived this man was.

you hadn’t gotten his memories.  you didn’t really understand how this had happened at all but you knew that for sure, because you distinctly recalled being you yesterday and now you were him.  and he was fucking horny.

maybe it was you, a little bit, but this was definitely his body acting of its own accord more than it was your mind inside of it.  it felt different in a guy’s body, for one.  it felt so different to have need like this, so much more all-encompassing than the subtle tingling in your gut that you normally felt when you were turned on.  damn, is this what it was always like for men?  you weren’t sure how they ever managed to get any work done.  maybe they don’t.

my cock is hard, you thought to yourself, trying to wrap your head around the concept.  you tried not to look down at it as you leaned back in your chair-- his chair, actually-- but you could feel it, not just the arousal coursing through it but the head curving back and digging into your hip.  

I can’t touch it, you decided, it would be invasive.  he’s not here to consent to me touching his body.  and you firmly believed that logic, and yet you felt your hand-- his hand-- reaching into the waistband of his uniform and pulling it out.  you whimpered just to feel warmth on it, though the sound was foreign to your ears as you realized you had his voice.

you had never been good at handjobs, but it was like instinct was guiding you as you stroked the cock you found in your palm.  his hands were sort of rough, something you normally liked but was not well-received in this body.  but it was enough-- it was just enough to satisfy this desperation that burned in your chest.  you could tell it had been so long since this cock had gotten attention from anything but this hand, you could feel how much he needed more but you, as his friend, understood why he didn’t get it.  he always told you he was too busy for dating.  frankly, if you got to this point, you wouldn’t really be worried about “dating” so much as “hooking up” but he was, understandably, not the type.

your head fell back as you bucked up into your hand, biting down on your lip-- and you’d always dreamed of tasting his lips, just not like this.  “fuck,” you hissed, the sound of his voice mundane to his body but driving your mind wild inside his stupidly beautiful head.  there was an urge to moan your own name, just to know how it would sound if he said it like this, but the idea was too weird for you go through with it.

then again, you were stuck in Steve’s body and jerking off so, ‘too weird’ was kind of a moot point.

you were jolted out of your rhythm when there was a knock at your-- his-- door.

“wh-who is it?” you stammered.

“it’s me!” you heard from the other side of the door. “or, well, it’s you!”

“shit,” you mumbled as you rushed to redress, running to the door-- you were so much faster in this body, unsurprisingly.  you weren’t really psychologically prepared to open the door and see yourself there.  you weren’t ready to be pierced by your own gaze, your own arms crossed in confusion.

“do you always get wet when you look at me?” Steve asked you suddenly.  “or is this just me... knowing it’s you?”

you swallowed, feeling an Adam’s apple bob in your neck-- what an odd sensation.

“does my voice always sound like that?” you asked when you heard his words from your mouth.

“we need to fix this before Bucky finds me again,” he demanded, “I barely managed to toss him off me.”

“... so I guess you found out about us too?” you winced, your secret fuckbuddies relationship now out in the open.

“more than I ever wanted to know,” he frowned.  his expression shifted as he looked up at you again.  “what were you doing?”

“what?” you asked, and you heard your own breathlessness.  “I wasn’t doing anything.  you always breathe like this.  don’t you have asthma?”

“I used to have asthma,” he corrected.

“yes, and now you have a vagina-- my vagina!-- so maybe we should focus on that and not you giving me this random third degree here?”

“whatever,” he scoffed, brushing past you to step into the room as you shut the door.  

“you didn’t... look, did you?” you asked nervously.

“uh, no,” he answered quickly, “did you?”

“I made a specific point not to,” you announced proudly.

“oh...” he mumbled, “good...”

“sooooo...” you changed the subject awkwardly, “any plans on how to fix this?”

“I was thinking we’ll start by trying everything we can think of, and work from there,” he offered.

“good plan,” you decided.  “maybe.... maybe, uh... we have to... go... somewhere?  or do something?”

“go somewhere and do something?” steve repeated incredulously. “you’re a real genius.”

“don’t make that face at me, you’re gonna give me frown lines,” you sneered.  “I can’t help it, okay?  I can’t think!  I’m distracted!”

“by what?”

“by... by stuff!” you defended, scratching the back of your neck-- it was your nervous habit, rendered entirely different by his short hair.

steve sighed, your chest rising and falling with his breath.  “it’s hard, isn’t it?”

“well, yeah, switching bodies is hard--”

“no.  it’s hard... isn’t it?”

your eyes went a little wide.  “ohhh. uh, yeah, it is.”

“god, I’m sorry,” he groaned, hiding your face in your hands, “it does that a lot.”

“how do you do anything?” you squawked.  “it’s like all I can think about is... is how bad I just need to be in something, something... warm!”

“welcome to my world,” he shrugged.

“you have to let me...” you began, but stopped yourself.  “no, no, we-- no.”

“what is it?” he asked.

“you have to let me fuck you.  me.  you have to let... you fuck me...?”

“won’t that be, you know... scarring?” 

you nodded.  “but I’m not sure we have a choice, please just-- just let me-- I know I want it.  I mean, I know my body wants it.  didn’t you say I’m wet?  I’m probably drenched by now, huh?”

he stammered a bit before answering. “um... I think so...”

“it feels warm, right?  warm and sensitive and like you need to be filled with something?”

“...kinda...” he replied hesitantly.

“please,” you groaned, “don’t tell me I’m the only one that’s ever thought about it.”

“no,” he answered, quicker than ever, “no, you aren’t.  you’re... you’re sure it’s okay?”

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” you finally admitted, “not like this, but I’ll take what I can get--”

“fuck it,” he mumbled before pulling you into a heated kiss, and with your eyes closed you couldn’t really tell the difference of who was who anymore, you just knew that it was him touching you and you didn’t really care that his hands were smaller and that his lips were softer.

you undressed each other at lightning speed, and there was a hand on your cock-- clearly he was pulling from his own experience with his own cock, because wow, he knew exactly how to touch it to make you gasp and whimper.

“you can look,” he offered to you when he pulled back from the kiss, “I know I did.”

“did you like what you saw?” you asked hesitantly.

“better than I ever imagined,” he grinned.  “I even put a finger inside you.  I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I’m gonna fit.”

“neither am I,” you sighed as you looked down at the thick member your own slender hand was wrapped around.  “fuck, steve... it’ll probably hurt you.”

“let’s just hope we can fix this tonight and you get to be sore tomorrow, not me,” he chuckled a little.

“k-keep stroking it, please,” you sighed, “I’m already-- I think I’m close.  I can’t really tell...”

“you should be able to feel it here,” he explained as he slipped his touch lower to cup your balls--

“oh,” you breathed, “this is... new...”

“oh please, it’s nothing compared to a clit,” he laughed, “that thing is sensitive.”

you realized that steve was taking much better advantage of this than you were-- while you had his body at your disposal, you needed to test out the superhuman strength.  it took you almost nothing to lift your own weight onto the desk, grinning as you saw him gasp at the show of strength.

“been a while since somebody lifted you?” you asked him with a smirk.  he didn’t reply, just spread his-- your-- legs and let you grind against him, just the warmth of a body enough for now even if you weren’t inside of it.  you kissed him again as you pulled him closer, thrusting to let that poor, sensitive cock slide over the delicate skin beneath you.

“well, well, well,” a voice echoed from the doorway.  you sat up and spun around to find Bucky, leaning around the wall with crossed arms and a satisfied smirk.  “it was just a matter of time before you two got together-- we all knew it.  no wonder you ran off so fast, babygirl... you had another engagement to attend to.”

“Buck, hold on--” Steve began.

“Bucky, this is not what it looks like,” you interrupted.

“then what is it?” Bucky asked with faux innocence.

you and Steve looked at each other, neither of you sure exactly how to answer that.  “it’s complicated,” you answered in unison.

“don’t worry about me, I’m not jealous,” he explained.  “we never said we were exclusive, no hard feelings,” he addressed Steve-- but he was talking to you.  well, he was trying to talk to you, but he didn’t know he was looking at Steve.  well, he was looking at you, but just your body-- oh fuck it, even you couldn’t make sense of it. “but Steve?” he chuckled. “he doesn’t even know what he’s doing.  he can’t make you feel as good as I can, I know it.”

he was like a blur as he pounced on you-- your body, at least, but it was Steve that was arching his back and moaning as Bucky licked and sucked at your neck, slipped his metal hand into your shorts and apparently found your most sensitive spots instantly.  Steve was already bucking up into his touch, your own moans echoing over the walls even if you weren’t the one making them.

“B-Buck, wait,” Steve protested, but he was too weak now to push him off, and too far gone into the pleasure to want to.

“feels good, hm?” Bucky purred, throwing a stray glance at you.  “are you jealous?” he asked you tauntingly.

“yes,” you admitted.

“jealous cause you know how good it feels when I make you come like this?” he pressed, and you froze.  

“do... do I?” you asked Steve anxiously.

“don’t look at him, look at me,” Bucky corrected firmly.  him? you wondered, but before you could ask, he answered your question, turning to address Steve pinned under him.  “I know it’s you, Steve.”

“what?!” you both gaped.

“she would never call me ‘pal’ like you did earlier,” Buck explained, “and she would never say no to me like you also did earlier.”

“hey!” you protested.

“and you,” he laughed, “I’d know that deer-in-the-headlights look anywhere, even on a different face.”

as embarrassing as this whole situation was, it was sort of nice to have someone else acknowledge it.  it made you feel less crazy.

“I can’t keep track of this conversation while there are fingers inside of me,” Steve shivered.

“it’s weird, isn’t it?” you smiled at him.  “good weird.”

“very good, very weird,” he agreed, breathing heavier as Bucky’s arm flexed from pumping his hand back and forth.

“she usually comes in just a few minutes from this,” Bucky explained to Steve, making you feel oddly exposed-- and not just because you knew they could both see the achingly-hard cock threatening to burst from the hastily-zipped pants.  “I know it’s you in there, but it’s still her body... so it should still be the same, right?”

“I-I’m close,” Steve replied, making Bucky laugh.

“oh, you’re even faster, damn.  go ahead and come for me-- don’t you wanna hear how she sounds when she comes?”

“yes.”

“don’t you wanna see that pussy cream all over my fingers?” 

“yes.”

“then beg me not to stop,” Bucky demanded, and instinct took over.

“please don’t stop,” you found yourself saying before Steve could answer, making them both turn to you.

“I’ve got you so well-trained,” Bucky grinned before looking back down at Steve beneath him.  “just like that, doll,” he repeated his instruction.

“don’t call me ‘doll,’” Steve barely managed to protest between loud moans.

“okay,” Bucky relented, “beg for me just like that, Stevie.”

“please!” Steve shouted instantly.  “please... please don’t stop.”

“one more time?”

“damn it, Buck, don’t stop!” he sobbed, and you wondered if you always looked like that when you came or if it was Steve’s expression painted on your own features.  Bucky, as always, wasn’t content with just one, and Steve’s eyes shot wide open as he realized that this could just keep going, over and over.  

“you’re-- you’re really not gonna stop,” Steve gasped.

“he’s mean like that,” you explained with a little smirk.  you were looking forward to getting back in your own body just for the multiple orgasms alone.

“how’s it feel, Stevie?” Bucky asked proudly.

“s-so good,” he answered dutifully, “so good it almost hurts.  fuck it hurts... but I want more, I wanna come again.”

“mm, so greedy,” Bucky praised.  “just one more, then we need to give our lonely friend some love... I bet she’s ready to make a mess in your pants just from watching me finger you--” he turned to you suddenly-- “isn’t that right?”

“yes,” you answered quickly.  “p-please, Bucky, I feel so... I need you.”

“I know, babygirl, it won’t be much longer,” he promised, “I can feel your cunt clenching on me already-- come on over here and feel for yourself.”

you hesitantly stepped closer, hissing a little as Bucky’s free hand grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand closer.  “see?  just put your finger in beside mine, I want you to know how tight you get when I make you come.”

you took a shaky breath but did as he asked, hearing Steve’s gasp as you inserted his thick finger into your slickened channel.  it definitely felt different than when you put your own fingers in yourself-- for him and for you.  it was different to feel your pussy around your finger when you couldn’t feel the finger in your pussy... if that made any sense.

“three’s too many,” Steve complained.

“and yet, here we are,” Bucky winked.

“I can’t,” Steve clarified, “it’s too big.”

“aw, she always says that but then she changes her mind... you will too,” Bucky decided.  “now just move like this,” he explained to you as you started to move with him, feeling the way your body responded instantly.  it built up so fast as you tried to keep up with Bucky’s pace, watching Steve cry out at the same time as your walls tightened around the assortment of fingers-- Steve and Bucky��s, flesh and metal-- inside you.

“you’re close,” Bucky informed both of you.  “feel the way that pretty pussy is getting so wet, holding on so tight?”

“y-yes,” you shivered, trying your best to ignore the pangs of need coursing through the cock you still struggled to acknowledge as your own.

“go ahead and come, Stevie,” Bucky encouraged, and that was all it took; Steve cried out as your whole body spasmed-- not just your body, but the body you were in.  You were coming, much to your dismay, without even being touched, ropes of hot come creating a wet patch on Steve’s uniform, and you couldn’t bit back the groans of pleasure as your gut flexed with each wave of the orgasm.

“oh, now look at that,” Bucky purred as he looked back and forth between Steve and yourself.  “you two both made a mess.”

“aw damn it, my uniform!” Steve protested as he looked at you.

“I think you need to help our girl clean up that mess,” Bucky cooed as Steve shot him a look.  “it’s been too long since you got your dick sucked... and I’ve always felt it’s your responsibility to solve your own problems.”

“I... I don’t know how,” Steve protested.

“I’ll show you,” Bucky promised as he guided Steve to kneel in front of you, helping you push down your trousers.  “just lick up some of that come first, nice and slow.”

you gasped the second you felt a warm tongue against your skin, your hands reaching out and finding a comfortable place to grip on your own hair-- and Steve moaned when you pulled on it.

“you like the taste of your own come, Stevie?” Bucky purred. “now put it in your mouth-- just the head, you might not be able to fit much else.  suck on it like a popsicle.”

you bit back a moan that wouldn’t been embarrassingly loud when you felt a warm, slick mouth wrap around where you were now much too sensitive.  

“look down, babygirl,” Bucky whispered to you.

“I-- I can’t,” you denied, “I can’t look.”

“but you look so pretty when you suck cock, doll, haven’t I told you a million times?”

you sighed but obeyed, opening your eyes and looking down at Steve looking up at you, but with your eyes, and with your lips stretch around his thick shaft.  “I... I do look pretty,” you agreed nervously.

“did you always wonder what Steve looks like when he’s getting his cock sucked?” Bucky asked you as he knelt down beside your body where Steve was using it for the moment.  “The answer is... very confused.”

“that might be unique to this situation,” Steve explained as he pulled away from you.

“keep sucking, whore, I didn’t say you could stop.”

that language made you both moan softly, but Steve obeyed.

“oh, we are going to have so much fun,” Bucky chuckled excitedly, and you already knew that you were in for a very long night.

[layanasstories]

Oblivion

TEN

I feel relieved when I get home, both cats are not only purring but meowing loudly too. I pick them up one by one and give them a big hug until they are satisfied enough with the attention they had been missing out on for the past few days. I had asked the sweet old lady next door if she would feed the cats and give them a pat, while I was away. After turning on my washing machine, with the clothes from the past few days and tidying up my house, I grabbed my phone and sat down on the couch. "I wonder if Jake has time" I say to my cat friends who have come to sit next to me on the couch.

Layana: Hey Jake, I have a question. Do you got a moment?

Jake: Hello Layana, of course.

Layana: I was wondering, do you happen to have any pictures?

Jake: Pictures? From what exactly?

Layana: Oh, From the time I joined the group up until the "incident".

Jake: Oh.

Jake: Yes I think I have some.

Layana: That's great! Can you send them to me?

Jake: Well, that's a bit more complicated than it seems.

Layana: Huh? What do you mean?

Jake: How am I supposed to explain that. It's better if you see it with your own eyes.

Layana: Oooh, you can bring them too or I can come pick them up.

Jake: I'll bring them. This evening? I assume you are at work now.

Layana: Yeah, about that. I'm home, so you can come over now or later. When it suits you.

Jake: Then you'll see me in half an hour.

Before I could say anything else, he was already offline. So I took advantage of the half hour I had. I took a quick shower to get rid of the hospital smell and quickly ate a sandwich. Just as I put the last bite in my mouth, the doorbell rings. I had changed my mind in the shower, I'm going to tell Jake about my visit to the doctor and the treatment I've had. So when we had greeted each other, I told him to take a seat on the couch. Stupidly surprised he looked at me "What's wrong?". "There's nothing wrong. I want to tell you something." I kept standing and gestured for him to hurry "Don't worry it's something positive" I quickly add because I could notice that he stiffened at the words. "Okay, I'm all ears" he relaxed a bit and leaned against the back of the sofa. "A few weeks ago I contacted a neurologist who specializes in amnesia. He examined me and confirmed that the damage I had is now completely healed." I stop and gesture that he has to keep listening because he was already ready to say something. "He also examined the pills Dr. Barret had given me. These pills were made especially for me to suppress my memory and recovery from it. So thank you Jake for saving me from that." I pause for a moment so that my gratitude is clear. "But there is more, my new doctor has given me a treatment in which my blood has been purified of all kinds of substances that were in the pills, among other things. I came home today from the three days of treatment." I smile broadly because it is such good news. But Jake looks concerned and leans forward with his elbows on his knees "Why did you do this alone? You know I would have come with you.". His comment goes down the wrong way with me "Listen, I don't want to sound mean. But, I've only known you for a month. I know that feels different to you, but you can't be there for me like we've been in a relationship for years. I've done everything alone so far and I'm not going to ask someone that I just know for a month to come to my treatment in the hospital, that just feels weird.” If I hadn't held back, I would have yelled. I get that it's not easy for him, but it frustrates me that sometimes he seems to continue in the relationship where it once stranded for us. "Forget it" I say quickly, and shake my head "The doctor has told me that if I trigger my memory with pictures and stories, my memory can come back faster. And that's why I asked you for the pictures".

Disheartened he looks at me and stays quiet for moment "It is never my intention to push you into a position that you are not comfortable with." he sighs as he rubs his hand over his neck. Then he clears his throat and sits up, adjusting his posture to positive "It's great news that there is hope for a restored memory!". He smiles and gets up and walks to the coat rack where his jacket hangs. "This..." he pulls something out of his jacket pocket "...I made for you." he hands me a phone. I look stunned as I take the phone from him "A phone?". "Yes!" he is genuinely happy "I was able to make a clone of your old one from before the incident. Everything is in there, photos, videos, text messages, everything. This might help jog your memory.".

[morganaspendragonss]

holly's august extravaganza day 17: you and me (moving through this world as a two-man team)

for both my incredible birthday twin jenny (@laelipoo) and a little bit for myself! i hope you are having a wonderful, wonderful day and i wish you all the love in the world. i'm so glad we became friends and i cannot tell you how glad i am for our conversations 🥰🥰🥰

many, many, many thanks to jenny as well for helping me out with the plot!

ao3 | 3.1k | firefighter carlos, hurt/comfort, pining, developing relationship, major character injury (two of them 😌)

TK does not have a crush on the 126's latest hire.

Carlos Reyes: an Austin local, an incredible firefighter, and—objectively speaking—the most beautiful man TK has ever laid eyes on. Which is, in fact, the entire point; TK has eyes and, yes, he will use them to sneak a look or two when he’s suddenly sharing space with a man who looks like a Greek god.

That does not mean he has a crush, Paul.

(and, sure, maybe he does sometimes dream about how soft Carlos’s lips look and the soft blush he gets when he laughs and those little flecks of gold in his eyes, but he’s only human)

(how TK knows about the gold in Carlos’s eyes is none of anybody’s business)

The thing about Carlos Reyes is that he isn’t only stupidly hot; he’s also just plain nice. TK can’t even make up a flimsy excuse to keep his distance. Carlos is, quite literally, perfect.

He shares recipes and book recommendations with Paul, he spars with Marjan, he discusses superheroes with Mateo, and Judd has had nothing but good things to say since before Carlos even joined them. Apparently they’d worked together a lot before the explosion, when Carlos was with the 116, and he’s ‘one of the best damn firefighters’ Judd has ever seen.

He even makes time to hang with the paramedics, which...isn’t a new development, exactly. But it is recent, and TK is willing to bet they’d still be pretty divided if Tim hadn’t suddenly transferred back to Maryland and he hadn’t taken the leap to be a full paramedic.

Even after that… His friends were hardly going to abandon him after he switched, but Nancy had still only been semi-included at best. She’d called him out about it during their first week working together, but fixing it had been a slow process.

Until Carlos came along, that is. Excluding Judd, they all regularly hang out at his place now, and Nancy’s inclusion had never even been a question. Safe to say, Carlos has charmed everyone in the firehouse, including both captains, and the worst part is, he doesn’t seem to realise he’s doing it.

He’s perfect, from his freakishly toned body to his infuriatingly sweet personality to his incredible skills in the field, and TK does not have a crush, goddammit!

One morning about three weeks after Carlos’s arrival, TK is greeted in the firehouse by the sound of a long, beautiful laugh coming from the kitchen. Three weeks is an embarrassingly short amount of time to admit that he’s memorised everything about him, but he instantly recognises the noise as coming from Carlos, even if he can’t see him yet.

He saunters into the kitchen, where Carlos is standing with Paul, and leans up against the counter. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Carlos turns with a winning smile and holds out a steaming mug of coffee, clearly freshly made even though TK only got in two minutes ago.

He blinks. “How—” Then, taking in the slight pinkness to Carlos’s cheeks, “Are you seriously offering me your own coffee, Reyes?”

Carlos shrugs, forcing the mug into TK’s hands. “I only just made it so technically it belongs to anyone, and I can always make another,” he says. “Besides, you look like you could use it more than me.”

His grin has TK narrowing his eyes and stubbornly refusing to drink even though Carlos is right—he really, really needs it.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was an insult.”

“Who says you do know better?”

TK splutters, momentarily left speechless in the face of Carlos’s smile and the twinkle in those goddamn eyes. He turns to Paul for help, but Paul...has disappeared. Huh. TK honestly hadn't noticed him go.

He shakes his head and looks back to Carlos, only to be stunned silent again by the way his smile has softened into something else, something more.

TK’s heart skips a beat or two and he swallows, staring down into Carlos’s coffee. “Whatever, Reyes,” he mutters.

It was too late for a witty comeback anyway.

Carlos’s laugh follows him out of the kitchen, and TK wonders when, exactly, he let himself fall this far.

*

“Earth to TK? Hello?”

TK is rudely snapped back to reality by one Nancy Gillian’s hand waving violently in his face. He scowls at her, to which she responds with an eye roll.

“Stop drooling over your man and come help me with inventory.”

“I’m not drooling,” TK argues, following her over to the rig. “And he’s not my man.”

“Right,” Nancy drawls, folding her arms over her chest as she leans against the ambulance. “So you’re just going to deny that weird energy around you two that makes the rest of us feel like we’re creeping on something?”

“Exactly.” TK nods emphatically, then frowns. “Wait, what?”

Nancy casts her eyes heavenward. “You know,” she says, “you’re a lot of things, Strand, but I hadn’t pegged you for oblivious.”

TK’s next words are reflexive, said without thought for the consequences—the story of his life, really.

“I’m not oblivious!”

The grin spreading over Nancy’s face rams home just how much he’s fucked up with those three words. TK drops his head in his hands and groans, unable and unwilling to look Nancy in the eye.

“Not a word,” he warns, which Nancy appears to respect, for now. TK is well aware that there will be words—several of them—later, whether he wants them or not.

The thing is, he really isn’t oblivious. He knows perfectly well what Nancy is talking about and he has often fantasised about all the things he’d do to Carlos given half a chance. TK likes Carlos, way more than just in the physical sense, and he’s pretty sure that Carlos likes him right back. It would be so easy to start something between them and, god, TK wants to. He just… He can’t.

One year—that’s what he promised himself back in New York. One year on his own to sort his head out and figure out how he fits back into the world after the overdose. Granted, his sobriety anniversary is only a couple of months away now, but he refuses to give up on his promise, especially when he’s so close.

Maybe in a couple months, if Carlos hasn’t gotten bored of something that’s clearly going nowhere.

But not now.

*

“He did not ask me out!”

“He totally did, dude, and you know it. You want to say yes, I can tell.”

“No, I don’t. I—”

“Children,” Tommy interrupts from the back of the ambulance. They’re heading to a callout, and Nancy has not let up the entire way about something TK is certain never actually happened. “Either of you want to enlighten me on what the argument is about this time?”

“TK’s too chicken to go out with Carlos,” Nancy jumps in, before TK can stop her.

“I am not!” he protests. “Plus, he wasn’t asking me out, he said we should go over to his place for dinner sometime, which Carlos does all the time. So there.”

“Strand, you are not this dense,” Nancy snarks, probably rolling her eyes. “His exact words were, ‘You should come over sometime’.”

“We were all there! It was obviously the plural you.”

“Oh my god—”

“Alright!” Tommy sighs wearily. “Nancy, can we keep from provoking TK until we’re back at the firehouse and he’s no longer driving?”

“Ha!” TK exclaims, but Tommy’s not done.

“TK, if I weren’t your captain, I’d be telling you that Nancy is right and you should pull your head out of your ass before it’s too late, understand?”

Now it’s Nancy’s turn to be triumphant as TK struggles to form a coherent response. Thankfully, he’s saved from further torment by them finally pulling up at the scene—a warehouse where one of the workers had become trapped after parts of the upper level walkway had broken and fallen. Apparently, the falling metal had caused some of the machinery to malfunction, turning the call from simple to beyond complicated in a matter of minutes.

“TK, grab your turnout gear and your bag; I’m sending you in with them,” Tommy informs him as soon as they’re out of the rig. “Normally, we’d just talk the firefighters through it over radio, but given your training it’ll be quicker and safer for you to deal with our patient.”

TK grins; he’s missed the adrenaline rush of running into emergencies more than he can say. “Got it, Cap.”

“Maybe try and look a little less happy about a serious injury, too.”

“Copy that.”

*

The noise when they enter the warehouse is deafening, an ugly screeching cutting right through TK’s skull.

“Shouldn’t they have shut the machines off?” he shouts, fighting to be heard.

“Apparently they can’t,” Judd calls back. “Something wrong with the control panel, I don’t know exactly what.”

TK groans—just what they need. The sound is lost in the din, but Carlos still looks over and gives him a sympathetic grin, shrugging in a ‘what can you do’ motion. TK can’t help but grin back, the mere sight of Carlos easing the annoyance he feels and the headache already beginning to build behind his eyes.

Their patient, when they reach him, is pinned under a large, heavy-looking sheet of metal. He’s bleeding from a gash on his temple and his skin is worryingly pale, to the extent that TK can tell even from a distance. He jogs to the patient’s side and kneels down, pressing his fingers against his neck.

“Cap, I have a pulse,” he reports into his radio after a few seconds. “But he’s unconscious with a head wound, and I think there are probably injuries I can’t see yet. Possible spinal damage, but I can’t tell until we’ve got this metal off him.”

“Copy that,” Captain Vega says. “Get ready to run a line; he’s gonna need it as soon as he’s free.”

TK nods and moves to secure a c-collar around his neck. “We need to cut this thing off of him,” he says, addressing the team. “Quickly, but carefully.”

Judd steps forward, brandishing the saw. He hands TK a couple of spare turnouts and kneels on the patient’s other side. “Couple of you need to cover him, and yourselves.”

TK doesn’t even have to ask before Carlos appears next to him, taking one of the turnouts from him. He smiles gratefully before arranging himself to provide maximum protection to all three of them as Judd starts working on the metal. The vibrations from the saw are unpleasant, and TK dreads to think what effect it’s having on the already unstable machinery, but it’s the only option they have to get their patient free.

Fortunately, everything seems to go off without a hitch, and soon the team are able to remove the metal. TK immediately gets to work, feeling for any damage. As he suspected, there’s a pretty large gash on the man’s leg which is bleeding badly, though thankfully it seems to have missed any arteries. He also seems to have a broken wrist, but he should heal.

TK quickly wraps his leg, then gets Carlos and Judd to help move him onto the spine board. It feels like, for once, the call has gone as smoothly as possible, and TK allows himself a breath of relief as they prep to get the guy outside to the ambulance.

Naturally, that’s when everything goes to hell.

The machine closest to them lets out a threatening groan and shudders before there’s a loud roar and it explodes. On instinct, TK folds himself over the patient as shrapnel rains down on them, and he sees Carlos doing the same in his periphery.

The downpour seems to last forever, but eventually it slows and comes to a stop. TK cautiously lifts his head, his heart pounding, and sags in relief as it seems that the worst is over.

They need to get out of here, now.

He stands, a brief stab of pain running through his back—probably because of his awkward position over the patient—and turns to Carlos, reaching to offer him a hand up.

Only to see Carlos’s face tight with agony, and then the cause—a jagged piece of shrapnel running right through his hand.

“Carlos,” TK breathes, horrified. Carlos looks up at him, his breathing carefully measured and his eyes wide, and TK drops back to his knees, reaching out for him. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, don’t worry.”

Carlos swallows and nods, his eyes squeezing tight. TK’s heart rate skyrockets, and he’s barely able to keep his cool as he signals to the others to get their first patient out of the warehouse.

“Cap, the team are bringing him out, but we have a problem.”

“Talk to me, Strand, what’s going on?”

“It—It’s Carlos.” TK breathes out shakily and takes a moment to steady himself before continuing, “It’s not serious, but some of the machinery broke apart and some shrapnel impaled his hand. I’ve got to stabilise the shard before we come out to you.”

“Alright, but hurry. I don’t want you guys in there for longer than necessary.”

“Copy.”

Stabilising the shrapnel with rolls of gauze and wrapping Carlos’s hand should be a matter of course—it’s an easy process that TK could probably do in his sleep. But this is Carlos, so his damn hands won’t stop shaking and he almost fumbles and drops his supplies.

He manages though, and soon he’s helping Carlos up, instructing him to hold his injured hand above his heart. Carlos sends him a wobbly smile, which ends up turning out to be more of a grimace, but it’s a comfort nonetheless. Things could have gone so much worse today; TK could have even lost him, and he would have never been able to—

But that’s not important. Carlos is okay, or he will be, and they still have plenty of time to figure out whatever this is between them.

Everything will be okay.

TK’s back and side twinge again as they make their way out, but he brushes it off, too focused on getting Carlos to the hospital as fast as possible. Tommy shakes her head as they make their way over, her eyebrows raised despite the concern clearly in her expression.

“Never a peaceful moment with you, Strand, is it?” she asks dryly, hissing as she inspects Carlos’s wound.

“In my defence, Cap,” he says, more at ease now that they’re safe, “it’s not me who’s injured this time.”

Tommy hums, then directs Carlos into the back of the rig, jumping in after him. “Get back here, TK. Nancy’s driving.”

She has a teasing look in her eyes that instantly makes TK suspicious, but he moves to comply, shrugging off his turnout coat as he does. The movement hurts, which is weird, but he thinks nothing of it.

At least, until Tommy’s eyes go wide and she stands from her seat, holding her hands out towards him. “TK, do not move,” she instructs, her eyes firmly fixed on his right side.

TK frowns, then follows her gaze down, and— Oh.

His grey undershirt is stained with blood, and it’s difficult to miss the large piece of metal sticking out of his side. He has no idea how he missed it, but now that he knows, the pain slams into him full force, causing him to stagger.

“Oh,” he gasps, eloquently.

Then, his legs buckle and the world goes black.

*

TK wakes up to a steady beeping sound, which only exacerbates his pounding headache. He groans, scrunching his face up, before slowly peeling his eyes open, almost slamming them shut again after getting an eyeful of obnoxiously bright fluorescents.

“You’re awake,” a voice says, sounding surprised, then the lights suddenly dim, the room lit by the gentle glow of a lamp. TK sighs in relief and shifts to look at his saviour.

It’s Carlos.

“You… You’re here,” TK states, confused. His gaze drifts down Carlos’s body and lands on the white bandages around his hand, the memories of the warehouse suddenly hitting him all at once. “Shit, you— How are you?”

Carlos shakes his head and comes to sit in the chair by TK’s bed. “I can’t believe you’re the one asking me that.”

“I’m a paramedic, it’s my job.”

“Not when you’re the one in the hospital bed,” Carlos counters, sighing. “If you must know, I’m fine. They gave me some pretty good drugs, so…” He shrugs, and TK can’t help but laugh, which proves to be a very bad idea.

His side lights up, an unnecessary reminder that TK is very much not on the good drugs, and he moans softly, slowly settling back in the bed. “I hate you,” he mumbles, eyes closed.

“You love me,” Carlos says, and TK’s heart seizes in his chest.

The silence after his words is deafening, so TK forces himself to crack his eyes open enough to look at him. Carlos is frozen in his chair, biting his lip hard, and he looks like he either wants to bolt or be swallowed by the earth.

TK thinks he should probably be feeling the same. They’ve been dancing around this issue for weeks now, and he’d thought he had it under control. That he could last that little bit longer until his one year was up; that he could ignore these feelings that have been steadily growing since he first laid eyes on Carlos.

It was a hopeless endeavour; he recognises that now. TK remembers the fear he felt when Carlos was injured back at the warehouse, the desperation for him to be better, and now with his own injury…

He could have lost this chance before he ever got it, and TK isn’t about to let it slip through his fingers now. He reaches out and takes Carlos’s good hand, startling him into meeting TK’s eyes.

“Yeah,” TK whispers, just loud enough for Carlos to hear him. “I think I do.”

The smile Carlos gives him lights up the room, and he doesn’t waste any time in leaning down to kiss TK. And it’s… It’s everything TK had hoped and imagined it would be and more. It’s soft and sweet and gentle and perfect, and he never wants it to end.

But end it does, though Carlos doesn’t go far. TK smiles at him, squeezing his hand with all the strength he can muster.

“That’s a yes, by the way,” he says.

Carlos frowns. “What?”

TK’s smile widens and he flicks his eyebrows at Carlos. “To dinner. Or were you not asking me out after all?”

Carlos huffs a laugh, and the look in his eyes when they lock back onto TK’s melts his heart and makes his entire chest ache. “Does Friday work for you?”

He nods, tugging Carlos down for another kiss. “It’s a date.”

[bravewolfvesperia]

Yuri smiled slightly at Flynn's apology, lightly bumping the blond's shoulder with his elbow from his position against the headboard. "Well, I appreciate the consideration. But yeah, I'm still getting used to it, too." It wasn't like anything really changed between them. They were the same as they always had been. More affection out in the open, sure, but... the core of their relationship hadn't changed. Maybe the affection was all Yuri, at least, was getting used to.

Frankly, he wished he could be as open about as what he wanted as Flynn was. Even when his thoughts would immediately go to things like feeling the same way, or wanting to be with Flynn and wanting put him above anything else no matter how selfish it was... he struggled to put it into words. More than anything, he had nothing to be embarrassed about. There was nothing about Flynn to be embarrassed about loving.

Funny how that worked. How Flynn was over here, so proud of Yuri... and Yuri couldn't really see it, but he was equally proud of Flynn. He never saw himself as something worth protecting, but he would protect others without a thought. He'd put Flynn first and foremost before anything else since they were children, so why would that be weird to admit only when they were in a relationship? Feelings were... complicated. Dumb, even. Eventually he would get over it, he was certain of that... but in the meantime it was so stupidly confusing.

"Well, I think... I probably only like going out the way I do because we were stuck behind the barrier all our lives until we were knights. When that didn't work out for me, I was back to being stuck behind a barrier. Never going out anywhere and never knowing what anything else was like. I mean yeah, Zaphias had plenty of books about other places and even pictures of those places... but that's not the same as visiting them yourself and meeting the real, living people in those places. Once your work as Commandant settles down and things straighten out, I do wanna bring you along. You've only really been able to go where your missions take you... not where you personally wanna go."

Ba'ul did make it easy, and he was grateful to both Ba'ul and Judith for that. Maybe it was because Yuri had Repede, and having a non-human companion helped Ba'ul bond with Yuri, but Ba'ul never seemed to mind Yuri's requests for travel. Sometimes Yuri worried he was asking too much simply because he'd gotten used to being able to do it, but it wasn't like he'd never expressed that to the Entelexeia. He'd made it very clear that Ba'ul could turn him down. Given how much time he spent with Judith though, now that things calmed down in the world and Brave Vesperia was able to be more of a real guild now, Ba'ul wasn't really anything less than family. If nothing else, he was basically an honorary guild member.

At Flynn suggesting he take the medicine if Yuri seemed okay, Yuri gave it a second to think it over, but eventually nodded. He wished he could have more time to determine if anything would happen, or even drink more of it in case what he did drink just wasn't enough to affect him, but he couldn't risk drinking so much that if it was fine that it couldn't help Flynn enough. They also couldn't risk waiting too long, and even if Flynn wasn't in immediate danger, it didn't mean what was left in his system wouldn't have a hand in weakening his body.

"Mm... Yeah. Just take it a bit at a time and make sure you feel alright before you keep going. I'd rather have more of it and more time with it just to be totally sure, but... I don't wanna risk there not being enough for you if it does work, or risk waiting too long."

Flynn knew that Yuri wasn’t making fun of him in the slightest, the man seeming more relaxed than anything but Flynn still couldn’t stop from blushing at how silly his question must have sounded. Of course he and Yuri could just share a bed but even though they were together, it still felt strange sometimes. Flynn was still getting used to it. Once he had come to terms with his feelings however long ago, he had often wondered what being in a relationship with Yuri would be like. Now that he was experiencing it, he wasn’t sure how to react sometimes.

“I-I know we can share a bed. We’ve shared one before, both in and out of the relationship but… I just never like to assume that you’ll always be okay with it.” He pauses, running a quick hand over his eyes with a groan. “...That sounds dumb too, now that I say it. Sorry… I’m still getting used to this. To… us.”

He lets his hand drop, eyes moving to meet Yuri’s for a moment before shyly averting away. “We are together. And I love being with you.” Every healthy couple needed space sometimes, and he was sure that he and Yuri would probably be no exception. But their ‘space’ would likely be Flynn being taken away by Commandant work while Yuri gets dragged away by guild work. They were living in two totally different worlds so… assuming that Yuri or Flynn would need their own room in a shared living space was, in hindsight, a dumb idea.

At the mention of Yuri’s thoughts about living in three different areas, a feeling of pride began to spread throughout Flynn’s chest as he stared up at the other from his spot on Yuri’s shoulder. “A place in Zaphias, a place in Aurnion, and a place in Dahngrest. That’s just like you, though. You’re never one to stay in one place for very long, so having a home in three different locations fills me with ease. Knowing that when you’re not here, you’re still more than likely somewhere where there’s a roof over your head. Except when you’re traveling, of course. But even then, half of the time, you tend to ride Ba’ul wherever you go.”

Flynn carefully leaned up and pecked Yuri’s cheek with a tiny chuckle. “You deserve it, you know… To be free like this? I can think of nothing more fitting for you than to have a life where you can freely and comfortably spread your wings and go where you want, when you want and still have a home waiting for you. No one deserves it more than you.”

Yuri may not believe so, but in Flynn’s eyes, Yuri deserved everything in the world. Especially after having a large hand in saving the world from the multiple threats that emerged over a year ago. The way he risked everything to save everyone, even going so far as to stain his own hands. An action that haunted Yuri to this day, Flynn knew for a fact.

As Yuri confirms that he still feels fine after drinking the medicine, the anxiety that came with being reminded of the matter at hand began to slowly sizzle out. Squeezing Yuri’s hand, he glanced back at the medicine bottle. On his end, he still felt awful. He was in pain, he felt fatigued and his arms were shaky. He was willing to wait a little longer but if he still had poison in his system, it would be better if he took the medicine sooner rather than later… right?

“If you seem unaffected so far, should I just go ahead and take it…? I’m still feeling pretty bad myself…”

[fictionissocialinquiry]

FISI’s Favourite Zutara Fics

A lil late for ZFAW’s Saturday prompt, sorry about that! Haven’t had any internet over the weekend. But better late than never!

I’m not gonna lie… a lot of these are angsty af. But I promise you they’re not gratuitous angst! They’re well written, beautiful stories that will make you feel like a better person for having read them. These are my favourite all time fics, ones I’ve read more than once and will continue to read (even though I’m taking a week break from fandom and fic).

 Multi-Chaptered Fics

The Sparrowkeet Series by audreyii_fic

To be honest, this story’s summary doesn’t do it justice so I ain’t including it. Originally a one shot, Sparrowkeet is headcanon for me now. Move over canon, this is where it’s at. Audreyii_fic’s characterisation, world building, and writing is exquisite. It’s incredible. She manages to channel the same fun and whimsical energy from the show while allowing the characters to grow and develop to places I wish they had actually been taken.

This one is a fandom Must Read and one I return to regularly.

 Clothe Me in Seasons, Dress Me in Snow by sadladybug

It is not the memorial she deserves, nor the one she would want. But it can't be helped. He owns no property in the other nations, and he needed to keep her close. Closer than she was in life, anyway.

Zuko's reflections on a life lived and a life that could have been.

This is one of the best written fics I’ve ever read. It’s tragic and deep and will hurt you in all the tender places but you would be doing yourself a favour if you read this. There’s a real bittersweet feeling to it and the love between them is just… urg, visceral.

 Lovable by LadyCharity

Zuko knew that he could not save Azula. He could only try to forgive her. Fittingly enough, those two were one in the same.

I love stories that make Zutara their centerpiece but every now but then a story like this comes along. A story where their relationship builds almost incidentally because the plot and character development straight up hijack your emotions. I got so invested in this story. Zuko is amazingly well characterised and his complicated thoughts and feelings around his father and Azula are incredibly well written!

 One Shots

Lunar Ephemerality by @formerlygoldilocks (goldilocks23)

After multiple failed attempts on his life and years of self-set expectations, Fire Lord Zuko is a shell of the man he used to be. But Katara won't turn her back on those who need her.

I really didn’t expect this to hit as hard as it did. This straight up snuck up on me, fly-kicked my feelings, and by the end I had written an 800 word comment that was too big for AO3 and I had to contact the author directly to send it to her. Awkward. I couldn’t help myself. The side to Katara we see here is so good, her empathy and love for her friends are one of the things I love seeing most in AtLA fanfic. I’m a sucker for Zuko having complete breakdowns and having to piece himself back together too. So sue me. I like it when they suffer a lil bit. The writing is absurdly good and I will be keeping an eye out for any new stories by goldilocks23!

 31 Minutes by @ifyouwereamelodymeg

It's quite astounding, really, how quickly she's learned to translate him. They've spent a grand total of zero time together outside of training, and he's hardly big on chat so she knows next to nothing about his life.

But she knows him, probably better than she knows anyone at the moment – with every tap of his fingers, every crook of his lips, every turn in his voice, he just...

He makes sense to her. It's weird.

I’m a sucker for fic writers playing with style to make the story pop and boyo does this fic deliver. This is one of the rare times that I’ve been dumbstruck at the end of a story— I just couldn’t accept the ending. Because I’m a sucker for pain, (and this story will bring The Pain) I loved it. The ease of Zuko and Katara’s growing relationship in this bowls you over, it’s absolutely beautiful and you find yourself nodding along emphatically when Zuko calls himself an idiot for waiting… “Life’s short, kids, live each moment as though it could be your last,” says this fic as it pulls my heart out and dropkicks it off a cliff.

 i count to five (and life passes by) by @markedmage

Five heartbeats.

I still haven’t forgiven Mage for this one. I think it’s the best thing she’s written to date! I mean, tragic and painful and heart-rending but holy shit is it powerful <3

 The Lake of the Dismal Swamp by @thewhiitelotus

Spook af. Spook (horror) is real hard to do well but thewhiitelotus is coming for your goosebumps and those shivers down your spine. She has a way of balancing beautiful, evocative imagery with action (in this and other stories of her) that just keeps you reading!

 Calloused by @rideboldlyride

Iroh hadn’t been able to watch. The pure horror of a man - a father- burning their child for a slight infraction... He couldn’t do anything to stop it, but he will stop his brother from destroying entirely the kind boy he knew Zuko could be.

This is a painfully underappreciated fic for how great the characterisation is. I know we in the zutara fandom tend to not read stories that aren’t Zuko/Katara centric as often but do yourself the favour of reading this (or listening to it: RideBoldlyRide has done us the gift of recording a podfic for this and it’s stupidly *good*). This story is Iroh confronting Ozai just after he burns Zuko’s face and it kicks.

 four days and three nights by @hinaoyamas (lettersfromnowhere)

Zuko discovers firsthand that nothing is more fleeting than happiness, or more enduring than memory.

Do you like reading stories with a distant, omniscient narrator? The kind that read like a myth from the ancient world? Welp, hit the hyperlink, friend, cause this one’s for you. Not only is the writing exquisite but the characterisation and painful inevitability of the plot is grade A.

 For the Fire Nation by tullyblue12

He falls in love with her for his country before he falls in love with her for himself. A Zuko/Katara AU that explores how love and duty aren’t always mutually exclusive.

There are about 40,000 exquisite lines in this story but here is just one of my favourites: “He falls in love with her for his country first. That’s what his people never understand.” This fic says a lot with so few words, which is something I really look up to! In 2,800 words, tullyblue12 does what some 100,000k fics cant: They make you feel.

 Guide Me Home by Rashaka

To sleep, perchance to dream. Katara and Zuko find a friendship they never expected in a place that seemed impossible.

This is a one shot I will forever wish for a continuation of. The setup is just… so juicy. There’s a real sorrowful innocence to this story that the unique short, dialogue only scenes really punch home. I know some people don’t like dialogue only fics but when done well like in this one, it leaves you with the impression of something deeper than a 1,185 word fic has any right to! 

 Other Favourites!

Hopeless by tullyblue12 — Kids grow up fast when a cruel world awaits them. In times of hopelessness, Katara and Zuko grow together. In times of separation, they hope to see each other again.

Speechless by goldilocks23 — Zuko has a medical condition. Or: Zuko speaks in haiku at inappropriate times.

Don’t Follow Me Down by eleventy7 — Katara is the dread queen of the underworld, ruler of the dead, destined to reign her cold kingdom alone. Until a sun god catches her eye. A Hades/Persephone retelling with incredible writing.

I Don't Speak Meow Language by @botherkupo (Boogum) — In which Zuko adopts a cat and Katara just wonders what spirits she pissed off to deserve this fate.

I have the privilege of being friends with some of these authors (they know who they are) and am in near daily awe and gratitude for the works of free fiction they provide us, the fandom. And not just any old stories: Guys... Really good ones!! Can I ask that if you go check out these fics, can you just drop a kudos or a comment their way? If you’re feeling shy just copy and paste this into the comments box anonymously: “WOW! Loved this! Thank you so much for writing it!”

I know it would mean the world to this talented bunch <3