#im just autistic

[beeari]

I'm way to autistic to talk to people in my fandom, let alone ask them for things.🥸

[dezireymasterofsilly]

i wake up i think about xiaolin i have breakfast i think of xiaolin i have dinner i think of xiaolin i read about xiaolin i look at fanart of xiaolin i watch xiaolin i go to bed i think about xiaolin i dream about xiaolin i me when when wehn when

[princeandrogyne]

I cannot keep seeing cptsd stuff on my dash im going to fucking blacklist it i cannot allow myself to be convinced I have all these serious issues 😭 like yeah I "check the boxes" but thats not the reality of the situation and I just know everyone reblogging those posts are self diagnosing themselves with it because they don't like their families I WILL NOT BE ONE OF THEM

[inpotatoeswetrust]

Correctly watching a documentary and able to tell which footage is from The Memphis Belle by the colour grading.

Memphis Belle: A Story of a Flying Fortress (1944) dir: William Wyler

[rottenr0ckets]

I want to post about how I love c!wilbur so much I want to beat him to death with a mental pipe but I don't want people to think I wish harm onto wilbur😭😭😭

[chickendoodle-soup]

getting into the magnus archives as a jonathan sims kinnie is fucking wild because i feel like ive been kicked in the balls every 5 minutes.

[ogditdoodles]

Cybertronian reproduction

HEAR ME OUT

I am having Ideas

So in my headcanon, there are 4 ways of reproduction.

Forged, cold constructed, emerged and spark constructed.

the rest under the read more

So forged and cold constructed are the same as they are in canon.

Emerged

Emerged Cybertronians are ones that are a result of interface and spark merge and incubated in a carrier.

Basically, a couple(or more) interfaces and spark merges and they wait for the spark of the receiving person to split off. These new sparks are so so small, you have to look really closely to notice if there is even a spark there, most bots don't notice until they start feeling spark pains.

The spark can be under a lot of strain and pain because 1- it just split off into 1 or more tiny sparks and 2- its supporting 1 or more growing new sparks.

Sparked mecha can have a normal diet for their frame type for most of the time that the new spark(s) are orbiting around their own spark. But once the spark(s) descend from their spark chamber to the gestation chamber... Well, lets say that a sparked minibot would be drinking their weight in energon once that happens.

The descent is also very painful. For those of you who experience periods, imagine your worst day of cramps, its like that. Reason is because the new sparks are separating from the main spark. The spark is sensitive, so both the process of forming and separating are painful.

Now we all know it. Transfluid. Sparklings, once descended, need transfluid to develop. Now, carriers don't necessarily need the transfluid, a carrier can go the whole pregnancy without getting transfluid from another bot. BUT there are consequences. If the carrier doesn't get sufficient energon, the baby could pretty much suck up all their energy. Any excess energy goes to the baby, and if there isn't any excess... the baby just starts eating you. You can either stop this by drinking lots and lots of energon, or getting transfluid from a willing mech. Or Both. Pre-war, most mecha that could afford it did both, to make sure the baby was healthy.

Also, the transfluid doesn't have to be from the same mech that sparked them up. This is great! Because there are many poly relationships where they want all the members to contribute. One mech can spark you up, the other gives you transfluid, or multiples can give you transfluid. the result is a sparkling that looks like a mix of many mecha.

Emergence is painful, again, BUT its not as painful as human birth. Because, thanks to my friend @messyspacespades, i have learned about blob babies, so babies come out not exactly painlessly, but its quick. Unless there's triplets. Or your a minibot and one of your partners is a shuttle. Then it takes a while.

NOW! Lets talk about when the baby is out. Ive talked about these headcanons with my friend Messy, and they introduced me to the idea of kneading the baby. Basically, sparklings fresh out, are like. Pliable. Dough. Squishy. And kneading them like bread dough feels really nice for them.

I'm not going to talk too much about sparkling stages, just know, for the next bit, that the stages i work with are -Bitlet(new born, 0-300 years old, no armor) -Sparkling(toddler developmentally, 400-1,000, no armor) -Early Younglinghood(think 1st-3rd grade, 2,000-5,000, little to no armor) -Mid Younglinghood(4th-6th grade, 6,000-10,000, growing armor, kids complain about pain, like growth spurts) -Late Younglinghood(basically middle to high school, 12,000-100,000, heavier armor, still a bit of protoform showing(think baby fat))

More detail in another post, coming soon

Spark Constructed

Spark constructed, i think there are a few people that have something similar to this, just not this exact name. Basically, starts the same as an emerged Cybertronian, BUT the body is cold constructed.

The thing is, the bot has to wait for the spark to be strong enough to survive for a little while outside of their sparkchamber, BUT before the spark(s) descend. This is a more planned out thing, you can't do this accidentally. You need to plan this way in advance.

Typically this is for partners with huge size differences. Like a minibot with a shuttle and for some reason the bigger partner can't carry.

These frames are typically early youngling size, depending on the frame type, and take a few weeks to wake up. Since the frame is literally just that, just a frame and buildable organs, so the spark, while being fed a consistent line of energon, fills out the body.

And bam. Toddler.

There isn't too much of a difference between an emerged youngling and a spark constructed youngling, mostly just spark constructed younglings learning things later than their emerged counterparts.

[weiner-enjoyer]

welcome to my ted talk.

this is a post about romances that are written and viewed through the lense of a partner being a deity. mostly talking about fictional characters. this is also me being an anthropology nerd

the earliest example of this that i can think of is greek mythology. as is with most things. in greek mythology, there are likely hundreds of examples of gods courting animals and humans alike, though not always consensually. for the purpose of this post i’ll only be looking at the consensual ones. specifically, we can use the example of ariadne and dionysus.

ariadne and dionysus have one of those princess-in-a-dungeon love stories. king minos, a scary bull, put ariadne in a labyrinth, and dionysus saves her because she’s beautiful. to my knowledge, whether or not ariadne loved him isn’t fully explained. the reason i include this example is that it specifically shows a sort of weakness of the gods; love. almost all gods, in almost all mythologies, are capable of love, and it is almost always their downfall.

this idea of love as a downfall is different from what we usually think of with god-complex relationships. usually, one person is so delusional and in love that they view a partner as a god. but in most ancient examples, these stories are told in relation to the god and not the mortal. so why are gods, especially in greek mythology, so attracted to mortals?

there’s an aspect of rebellion to it. gods and humans are meant to be separated, as demonstrated by titanomachy, the war between humans and gods. but after several thousand years, you would get tired of having affairs with your cousins, right?

that brings me to my next conclusion; it’s simply because love happens. even nephthys, the ancient egyptian goddess, is capable of love; she was depicted as lesbian or bisexual in order to function as being unable to have kids. love is a force that not even the gods themselves can escape, though they often find solace in it.

gods who have affairs with humans are typically not well off. take zeus for example. sure, he’s the king of kings, god of gods, but his life is a mess. everyone hates him, including his wife, and he’s kind of a tyrant. but humans view him as mighty as ever, fearing and loving him just as ever. he finds that power he lost in the humans, so he harvests it.

so where do we get the stereotypical yandere god-loving romances? humans in relationships with gods are never treated with dignity, if they get to live in the first place. why is it so desirable?

i think, in some ways, gods sometimes see us above them in the same way we see them above us. lets go back to the idea of gods finding solace in human relationships; you could argue that the gods would be zealous of humans. we have much less to worry about. in the same way, humans honor gods for many reasons, but in the very core of their supernatural being; the fact that they can just generally handle more, be better, be perfect, even.

the yandere god-loving romance, without doing too much research, may just come from that dynamic. that, as humans, we should worship that which is better than us, and maybe we’ll get some kind recognition in return.

i should note that i have done zero research and i just like talking.

thank you for listening to my ted talk.

[moth-in-the-broth]

the girlies ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[paranoid-radio]

kubrick staring the "multifandom editor" in my tiktok bio as I post my fourth leigh whannell saw edit in a row

[beeari]

The other day I was looking at old school projects and homework documents I had saved on my drive, out of curiosity mainly, and I stumbled across my old lotf homework.

For context, when I was fourteen in class I had to read each week a chapter of the lord of the flies, then make a summary of the chapter and answer some questions that the teacher asked that were related to the chapter. Things like "how would you feel if you were in that situation" or "Why do you think ralph didn't read topsy and mopsy" (I read the book in Spanish so I did the literal English translation, don't know if that's it's name in the english version).

But there's one question that actually made me stop and reflect. The question was "if you were there, who would you side with Jack or Ralph?" and to my surprise the younger me had chosen Jack without much explanation really.

At first I did not understand and thought it was a mistake, if you know me you know I'm completely against what jack leadership resembles and I'm known to be a person that usually uses logic to solve problems, but that's seventeen year old Ari.

Looking back, what I mistook earlier for a decision I made without much thought I now see as an ability to think honestly cause in a situation like being stranded on an island with fear of a beast, constant hunger, having to face hot days and cold nights, not access to any source of really clean water or medical supplies and a tense environment we all like to think we would stay civil, but more than likely we would surrender and choose Jack. Not only cause he can provide food and a sense of safety, but because it's either that or being forced out of fear, not of the beast, but of the rage of the hunters.

Or that's just my opinion anyways.

Now in all honesty and taking everything into account. If you were there, who would you side with Jack or Ralph? Why?

[nighttimeclassics]

why does expressing yourself suck so much - emotions fucking suck.

honestly this is a venting of aggravations more than anything, but I just need to get it out of my body.

why is living out loud, and expressing genuine emotion always met with disdain??? to preface what brought this on, i wrote my friend a book for his birthday - which I was nervous about because it was a last minute decision. i was initially making him a blanket, but I ran out of yarn SO FAST, and couldn't get any more so in a panic wrote him a mythology book because that is something we both enjoy,. I felt bad about it though because he's dyslexic and hates reading books, but the only thing I could afford was spending my own time, because I have no money, so it was the only thing I could think of. and he painted me the most amazing dragon for my birthday a few months back. on top of that, he is one of my best and only friends. i don't know if he knows that. he lives hundreds of miles away and has a solid social network, so I don't know if he knows he's one of the most important people in my life. fuck me that's depressing. but I know Im not one of his closest friends by a long way. i don't think I'm anyone closest friend. shit. he didn't have a bad reaction to the gift, he seems to have liked it, but these reactions were over text, so i cant read the tone at all. i thought it was weird as well considering when it was my birthday, we opened my present together over facetime, so we could talk about it, so why was this over text? but also i just have to keep reminding myself that I'm probably hormonal at the minute and reading too much into everything, especially with the rsd.

but you know, being autistic, with alexithymia and rejection sensitivity dysphoria i have a complicated relationship with birthdays. i have always loved giving people presents to show how much they mean to me, but i learnt very quickly that my elaborate weirdly personal gifts weren't appreciated by most people so i stopped doing that a while ago. but you know, recently i thought fuck that, i want to be my authentic self. i am a stupidly emotional person and i am ridiculously devoted to those i love, friends and family alike. but people always misread my emotions, assuming i fancy them or stuff like that, to the point i even have to question myself - like a reverse of that moment in arrested development when Gob and that magician think they are in love with one another but its just friendship. people should really realise given how ace i am that i am not in love with them, at least as far as i am aware. but god forbid i try and do anything nice, i just don't understand why it makes people uncomfortable? especially when i a, only 'revealing' myself in this way who i feel comfortable around - in line with my efforts in unmasking myself.

and our friendhsip is tentative anyways because he's thought I had feelings for him a while ago - but I don't think that I do - everyone always thinks I'm in love with my friends. but its not my fault that we are all queer, suspected or confirmed neurodivergent nerds. I'm rambling like there is no tomorrow but I think basically what I'm saying is that his reaction made me overthink everything (it doesn't help that we went from talking on facetime a lot to now only talking on text after the accusation that I had feelings for him back in like January) I only just got him back as a friend, I don't want to lose him and I wish I was allowed to live out loud and express myself the way I want to without judgement from society, and those that I trust. I'm bored of hiding myself or walking on eggshells. and I feel like a twat because all of this is over a fucking shitty birthday present that I probably shouldn't have written in the first place. fucks sake. i hold on too tight to people I think. and that is never received well. i try to be normal in my friendships - especially the two I have at the minute. i get that they are the only two friends I have, and they have a bunch so I try not to annoy them when they are the only people I can talk to, but I don't think its working. gods all of this is just a fucking pity party and I need to get a fucking grip jesus christ

[eyesxxyou]

Have to write another Miguel fic because my obsession with Hobie is bordering on unhealthy

[marshmallow-goth]

being a bottom and being autistic hard as hell cause i forget how monotone i sound and then they’re trying to dominate me and i sound like a fucking robot when i reply

[adordeddoll]

wednesday is giving me life force i am so hyperfixated on it

for the past few months life has meant nothing without something that wasn't constantly occupying my mind but now life is amazing and wednesday is amazing and i am happy i love being hyperfixated on something its like a bunch of bees buzzing around in my brain in a good way (the bees being scenes and characters and lines/dialogue and possibilities and so much more) its so yummy to have inside my brain

[2leggedshark]

What if I just became normal.