#we have people coming to the house around when I get home
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macfrog · 9 hours ago
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homesick
a cowboy like me one shot
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oh, i missed these two. here's a little check-in on my favorite morally irresponsible outlaws.
pairing: dbf!joel miller x fem!reader
summary: you spend the weekend back home in austin with joel.
warnings: age gap (early 20s/late 40s), twinge of angst, piv sex in the shower (beware of slippage). you know the drill with these two. part of the cowboy like me universe, but can probably be enjoyed as a standalone.
word count: 6.3k
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“This is Joel Miller. I can’t come to the phone right now, so leave a message and I’ll get back to ya.”
You wait for the beep, pacing along a wall of steel cylinders. The laundromat is stifling, the machines’ drumming deafening. It’s eighty-something degrees out, and it’s only six o’clock.
“Pick up, Miller. Hello? Hello? I know you’re there. Can’t come to the –” you clear your throat, strum the twang in your vocal cords, “– Can’t come to the ph-owww-ne right n–”
The line clicks as he picks the handset up.
“Did you call just to make fun of me, kid?”
You halt, spinning on your heel. “So you were screening me?”
He scoffs. “Didn’t notice the time. I’ve been out back with Tommy.”
“Oh,” you mellow, tongue curling around your ice cream, “We don’t have to call right now, you know. I’m just doing laundry.”
“It is six there, right?”
“Yeah, but don’t let me keep you. Go hang with your brother.”
Joel sighs as he sinks back into his couch. “Keep me. He knows you were calling tonight. He’s probably outside fraternizing with the neighbor, anyway. Won’t even notice I’m gone. Laundry, huh?”
“Mhm.” You suckle on the lip of the waffle cone. “It’s a beautiful night, and I’m stuck being force-fed Mötley Crüe and watching a steel drum shred my panties.”
“Sounds like a good time to me.”
“Enough, cowboy.”
“I like Mötley Crüe,” he chuckles. “They got some hits under their belt.”
“Name five.”
“Five,” he says. “You’re asking a lot there, darlin’.”
“Of Mötley Crüe or of your memory, old man?”
Joel hums. “Should’ve seen that one coming, baby.”
You boost yourself up onto one of the dryers, swinging your legs. If there were anyone else in the laundromat, you’d care to hide your fluster – but you’re here on your own, and the man just melts you. All girlish and giggly, you feel his words swirl around your stomach like sweet honey.
“Tell me about your day,” you say, covering the flutter in your voice with another mouthful of ice cream.
“Well,” Joel says, “weather’s fine, work’s fine. Almost done with that renovation for your favorite clients.”
You gasp. “The old couple with the cats?”
He grumbles. “That’s them. They still hate me, by the way.”
“The couple, or the cats?”
“…Jury’s out.”
You snicker.
“Then, uh, I called Sarah, had some dinner, and now here I am talkin’ to you.”
“Hm. I’m your favorite part, right? I’m your favorite part of today?”
Joel pauses, breathing for a moment. Slow, quiet, but sure, he says: “You’re my favorite part of every day.”
The smile on your face cracks, crumbles into something more pained. Your heart sinks.
It’s been three months since you were last home. Technically, it’s been seven weeks since you were in Austin – but Joel was out of town for the weekend, and you spent four days cleaning your dad’s gutter and watching westerns.
It’s been three months since you were last in Joel’s arms. In his house, in his clothes, in his bed. Three months since you heard his voice not through the crackle of a thousand miles apart; since you smelled him on your skin, not on the flannels you’ve stolen from him.
Three long, tough months.
And it means nothing, anyway. All this missing each other. So you tell yourselves, and so you tell everyone else. You’re not together, you’re not committed. You’ve been seeing other people, so has Joel – even if he’s only been on two dates in the nine months since you moved away.
Spending a casual weekend together here and there is enough to get you by. It’s easier this way, right? It’s cleaner. There are no crossed wires, no strings at risk of becoming tangled.
Only – your entire relationship is woven in tangled strings. Messy, knotted, twisted around your fingers and threaded through your ribs. A summer’s worth of weaving yourselves closer and closer together, only to be pulled apart come fall.
It didn’t take long to prove that when a knot is pulled, it only binds tighter.
It only binds sorer.
“Anyway,” Joel says, “your turn. How was your day?”
You gulp, slipping down from the dryer to check on your wash. If you speak, you’ll break, and if you break, you’ll sob.
“Baby? You still there?”
“Yep,” you croak. You wipe your eyes with your sleeve and shake your head. “I – uh…Yeah, my day was fine.”
The line quietens.
“You sure? Everything okay at work?”
Your reflection blinks back at you in the window of the machine, warped and molten. She opens her mouth and replies, “All good.”
He can read you even three states apart. “Let me call you back. Hold on.”
The call disconnects before you can protest. Over your shoulder, another regular shuffles into the laundromat.
She smiles, skin supple and sun-spotted, looking but not looking you in the eye. She slides her full basket over one of the machines on the other side of the room, and tosses her clothes into the drum.
When your phone vibrates again, you pass by her and out onto the street.
Joel’s pixelated living room stretches across your screen.
“Joel,” you sniff, “Joel, it’s –”
“Can you see me?”
“No, you gotta flip your –”
“…never know why the damn thing don’t –”
“The button with the arrows. The camera button, Joel, it’s –”
His coffee table flips, and in place – straight, dark brows drawn tight in a frown. Crows feet, scar across the bridge of his nose. Peppered hair a little longer than the last time you called, beard a little thicker.
The only person in the world who can weaken your knees and splinter your chest, in one fleeting glance.
“Hi, baby girl,” he whispers, expression softening. “Look at you.”
You slump against the warm wall, sliding down. One sight of him, and your knees give. “Oh, my God, I miss you today.”
Joel laughs. His head cocks, smirk tugging at his lips. “I miss you every day.”
“Yeah, that’s – that’s what I…” you sigh, “…That’s what I meant. It’s just – some days, you feel a little further away.”
“Today one of those days?”
You nod. A car soars by, whipping hot air from the road which pours over your bare legs. “It’s just…been a day. That’s all.”
“We can talk about it, if you want. You’re hell of a lot smarter than me, darlin’, but I’ve had my share of bad days before. Never does any harm to get it off your chest.”
He smiles. It breaks your heart.
He works ten hours straight, some days. Out at the crack of dawn, home with only enough time and energy to nuke something in the microwave. Somewhere amongst that, he fits in beers with Tommy and ridiculous DIY jobs your dad elicits his help for.
And still – he sets aside an hour or two every few nights, specially for you. He collapses into his couch, decaf in his mug, and puts the world to rights with you on the other end of the phone.
The meaningless work dramas, the paper building up on your desk. The commute, for the love of God – the traffic jams you swear will one day be the death of you. The last thing Joel needs is to listen to your problems on end, and you tell him so.
“Bullshit,” he replies. He shakes his head, takes a sip of his beer. “I asked, didn’t I? Talk to me. Tell me what’s goin’ on.”
You groan. “I just…I wish I could turn my brain off. Just for a little while. No meetings, no call times. No helping my dad trim the trees in the yard when I’m home for the weekend.”
He laughs. “He rope you into that one too, huh?”
“Sure did.” You tense your fist, wince at the memory of splinters you were still plucking from your palm even weeks later.
“I got nothing to complain about,” you tell Joel, “I know that. This job is…it’s right where I want to be. Just – sometimes, I miss being back in Austin, following you around Costco and hiding from my dad. It’s like life was simpler then.”
Joel chokes. “I guarantee you,” he coughs, thumping his chest clear of beer, “life was not simpler. Not by a long shot. Goddamn.”
He swings to his feet and wanders across the room to his kitchen. Past his armchair, past the guitar mounted on the wall. Past the dining chair he always hangs his coat from. You know the anatomy of his home better than your own, it feels like.
You sure as hell miss it more than your own.
“Lemme see…” Joel squints over his phone. He leans over his kitchen counter. “What’s next weekend look like for you?”
You shrug. “My weekend off.”
“Nothing planned?”
“Nothing yet.”
He nods. “I’m meeting a supplier on Saturday afternoon, but if you can stand to be without me for a few hours, then…”
His eyebrows lift.
So do yours. “Then…?”
“I can look at flights,” Joel says, “get you booked tonight. Pick you up Friday, drop you off Sunday. Spend the whole weekend with your brain shut off, if that’s what you’re lookin’ for.”
A wave of warmth floods through your chest. Relief, maybe – or simple adoration for the man on the other end of the phone. Most likely, the way it always seems with Joel, it’s both at once.
He loves you. Enough to break every rule in the book. To go behind his best friend’s back for an entire summer. He loves you enough to let you go, watch you follow your wildest dreams, and then be the safety net at the end of each long day, each hard night.
He loves you enough to scratch everything off his calendar for a few days, just to make sure you’re okay. Just to hold you in his arms, heart beating a rhythm he knows better than his own. Just to sing you to sleep, and wake you up with burnt toast and runny eggs.
You pull the collar of your shirt over your nose and weep into the material. “I ever tell you how much I love you?”
He smiles. “Not half as much as I love you.”
“Gross.”
“I know.”
The laundromat door flings open.
Face now flushed and hair scraped back, the woman clocks you immediately and throws a pointed finger in your direction. “Are you coming to get your panties or what, little girl?”
She clicks her teeth and disappears again. The blind hanging over the door rattles with the force it slams closed.
“Guess that’s my cue,” you whisper, heaving to your feet. “Better go get my panties.”
“Why?” Joel’s making his way back outside. “Ain’t like you’re gonna need ‘em.”
You scoff. “Talk later, cowboy.”
Austin welcomes you back with a delayed flight, a screaming seatmate, and a raging headache.
The airport is busy. Loud busy. All chittering couples, hordes of kids with nauseatingly bright backpacks. You drag your suitcase through to arrivals, careful not to trip over the wheels of the stroller ahead.
When you spot his tall, dark figure weaving between bodies, the gate hushes. You move towards him by instinct, parting the crowd as you go. The magnet in your chest senses its partner drawing nearer, and nearer, and nearer.
And nearer, until he’s reaching out. He’s close enough that his hands land on your waist, and it’s the first time in three months that you’ve felt this weight – his weight, the way only he feels – all around you.
Joel pulls you in to his chest. He locks you in, resting his chin on your head.
“Hi, honey.”
You inhale his scent, breathe in the comfort of him. “Hi,” you exhale.
Tears prickle at your eyes. It feels stupid. He looks down at you, thumb swiping across your cheek, and a salty droplet spills.
“How was the flight?” he asks.
“Good.”
“You okay?”
“Perfect, now.”
“You look perfect,” Joel grins, “Look like the sun.”
And you could swat him away, could shrug him and his flirting off. The sun sure as hell doesn’t look stewed in three-hour plane, too tired to move and too clingy to unhook from her dad’s best friend’s arm.
But that’s not what he’s saying, is it?
You do look different. You feel different. You feel brand new. Golden – just like the sun.
These days, it feels like there are two versions of you. One, you’ve spent the better part of a year polishing off – electric and vibrant, eyes wide and head spinning, moving through her day like gliding on air and then collapsing in a heap come nightfall. Chaos with a clipboard and call sheet.
And the other – slower. Steadier. Surer on her feet, simpler in her ways. Dust under her heels and a Texan shine in her smile. Honeylike; moving where her body tells her to go, drinking up the world as she pleases.
There’s a moment, stood under the fluorescent lights of the terminal, where you feel the first give way to the second. Safe now, in Joel’s arms, to slip back into her old, worn boots and shutter her mind – even just for this weekend.
“Come on,” he whispers, wrapping his hand around yours. “Let’s get you home.”
And there never seemed like a better idea than that.
He keeps your things in his shower caddy.
Bottom basket, strictly yours. Shampoo and conditioner and bodywash and a loofah, all exactly where you left them last time you were here. He says it as he cranks the handle, holds his palm under the flow until it’s just right.
“The strawberry stuff…?” Joel nods to the bottle, face screwed.
You gasp. “You don’t like it?”
He shakes his head. “Like it on you. I smelled like a fruit farm for a week, baby.”
“Makes a change from wood trimmings,” you mutter, peeling the shirt from your chest.
Joel glares over his shoulder. “You wanna say that a little louder?”
“No, sir,” you whisper, and step into the cubicle.
The water pours over your head and down your spine, breathing life back into your body. You close your eyes and let it wash down your face. LA feels so distant, so lost to the steam and serenity in Joel’s ensuite.
He lingers in the doorway, watching as you turn under the shower. He smiles when you hold your hand out and flick your fingers.
“Soap, please.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says, dropping it in your palm.
You slip the velvety bar over your skin. The soap lathers in thick, milky bubbles, cascading over your chest down to your hips. Your hands lift from your navel to cup your breasts, pinching your nipples between soft fingers.
Joel’s jaw ticks. He crosses his arms, shoulders tensing. “Easy, darlin’. Dancing with the devil here.”
It burns low in your stomach.
You pass him the bar back. “Maybe I want to dance,” you murmur. “Maybe he does, too.”
His eyebrows lift. “Maybe he does,” he agrees. He trades the soap for shampoo, tapping the bottle against your hip.
The heat grows under your skin. Having him watch, his close eye on you as you wash the suds from your hair and slick bodywash over your skin.
His eyes drift from your chest to your waist, looping up to your soaked eyelashes and dripping bottom lip, diving again between your legs.
Hungry. Starved, even.
Three months of secret photos and sexy phone calls to get you both by. Three months of imagining you, fist around his cock in the dead of night, coating his stomach just with the thought of you.
And right here, right now, in his shower: the real thing. The forbidden fruit. Body hot and skin soaked, just as desperate as he is. Just as needy.
You step forward, reaching for his shoulders. Arms around his neck, dampening the collar of his shirt, you pull him closer.
“Dance with me,” you whisper against his lips, stealing a kiss.
Joel’s gaze darkens. He takes your jaw and tilts your head back. Voice like thunder rolling over you, he warns, “I told someone we’d be somewhere.”
You smile, tugging on the hem of his shirt. “We’re running late. Something’s come up.”
His arms lift and you pull the cotton over his head, tossing it to the floor. He’s the same solid sculpture as always. Strong and wide, torso scattered with hair which thickens across the span of his chest.
He rids himself of his boots and jeans, kicks his underwear off, and joins you under the water. So big that he corners you, so tall that he has to adjust the showerhead.
Pressed up against your body; warm, manly scent raining over you. He’s hard, tucked right by your hip, rutting gently as he steals kiss after kiss.
He’s addicted to it. To you. Has been ever since that first night, the first taste of poison. Has been, probably, since that first glimpse of you last summer. For all the wrong reasons and in all the wrong ways, for better or worse –
You break him open. You make him weak.
Joel groans when you wrap your hand around him. That familiar weight in your grasp. He glances down to watch your slow strokes, fighting back a filthy smile.
“Missed you,” he breathes, voice lost to the patter of the shower. He slips a hand between your legs. “Ain’t gonna last long, are you?”
“Fuck,” you hiss, grinding into his palm. You toy with his bottom lip, nipping at the edges of his smirk. “We got all weekend. Just – just fuck me.”
He hikes your leg over his hip and lines up. A blooming ache when he notches at your hole, tip teasing your entrance.
Your back curls. You wrap your arms around Joel’s neck, whimpering into his chest.
“’s alright,” he kisses your neck, “Just take it nice ‘n slow. Get her used to me again, baby.”
He pushes inside, two heavy hands on your waist. Always in control, always easing you in. He holds you delicately, moving inch by inch, watching the twist of your brow and bite of your lip before sinking in further.
He reaches up and tilts the downpour to the wall. Lifts your fragile body, split in two on his cock, and pushes you against the tile.
Your cunt aches as he slides out. She clamps around his tip. It hurts – but you don’t want to let him go.
“Stay,” you cry, nails digging into his shoulders. “Stay inside me.”
He hums and presses his lips to the hinge of your jaw. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, baby. I’m right here.”
His hips move forward. Your cunt opens for him the deeper he moves. Like welcoming him home, remembering the way it feels to be this full. The stretch of taking him, the air stolen from your lungs. The love you can never find the beginning nor the end of.
And then he’s moving quicker, sharper, one arm wrapped around your neck to cradle your head. Hips snapping against yours, slowing to a roll when you yelp.
Whispering sweet nothings in your ear – how good you’re taking him, how tight she is. How much he’s missed this, missed her, missed you. Never wants to let you go, never wants to be anywhere except right here, feeding you his cock and watching you come undone.
“Made for me, huh?” Joel grunts. He presses his forehead to yours and slips the words across your tongue. “All mine.”
“All yours,” you echo, weeping under him. The flame catches and curls around your stomach.
The missing piece to the last nine months. The dead-end dates, the hazy hookups. Awkward good mornings, and goodbyes that never seem to come quick enough. Sneaking off home to shower the scent of it away, to replace it with something sweeter.
Him.
Because none of them are him.
They don’t make you laugh and they don’t make you come. They don’t see you, don’t hang on your every word. They don’t – they can’t break your world apart and paint it something new. They don’t know your every move, don’t understand the most fleeting glances.
You could spend forever circling every bar and every diner; what do you do for work and where did you grow up. You could chase the tail of every flannel shirt, search all over for that twinkle in his eye.
They’re not him. They’ll never be him.
Joel coaxes you where he needs you. He fucks you until you’re quivering in his arms, head rolling across his shoulder. His thrusts begin to stall, breathing turns to panting, teeth sink into any part of your skin he can find.
He moans into your neck. The sound nudges you towards the edge.
“I’m close, baby,” he grits, “’m so close.”
You look up at him through tear-soaked eyes.
Three months. Since the last time he touched you, kissed you, fucked you like this. Since the last time he lost control, came deeper inside than anyone before, or anyone since.
Three months since the last time you held him in your hands, lined your lips with his, and begged him to stay in you.
Joel laughs. “Dangerous little game, darlin’.”
But he’s fading. He’s falling under, same as you are.
You want it. You need it. Need to be full of him – that ache when you walk, the warmth leaking down the inseam of your thighs. The feeling of being his, all his; ruined and wrecked in the sweetest way.
“Stay – inside,” you plead. “I want you to – want it so bad.”
“Keep begging, honey. Sound so cute when you’re desperate.”
“Please, Joel,” it’s getting harder to hold, “Just wanna feel you in me –”
“I know, I know,” he shushes.
You tense in his arms, gasping. “I’m gonna – come –”
“So,” Joel smirks, “come.”
And it snaps.
You scream into his chest. Your climax pulls you under, drowns you in a heavy wave of pleasure. Your hips lock, legs clamp around his waist as you cry out.
He plants a hand flat against the tile to steady himself. He holds you still as his own orgasm rolls through, pumping your swollen cunt with each rush of warm release.
You collapse against his body, bubbling and mumbling something incoherent.
He hears you, though.
He shuts the water off and rocks you back and forth. His cock slips from between your legs. “Shh, shh,” lips to your temple, “’s my girl. Such a good girl, baby. So good for me.”
You hum in response and pull yourself upright. You trace the shape of his beard, soaking wet and soft under your touch, following the droplets of water to his chin.
He kisses the tips of your fingers. “I love you,” he says. Chants it like a prayer, leaning closer and closer until his lips are against yours. “Love you more ‘n anything.”
You giggle. “You’re tickling me.”
Joel nuzzles his nose into your neck. He wriggles his fingers under your ribcage. “Can’t get enough of you,” his tongue swipes across your hot skin, “Swear to God, baby, you’re killing me.”
“Joel,” your head falls back with a clap of laughter, “Joel, stop – oh, my God, you have to stop, please – Joel!”
He hoists you onto his hips and turns. Hands still exploring, still pinching and squeezing everywhere they shouldn’t be, he carries you out to his bedroom and drops you onto the mattress.
“Here,” he chuckles, wrapping a towel around your body. He knots it over your chest and rubs your waist, before flopping down onto the bed with a sigh.
You roll over on top of him and fix the dripping hair from his forehead. “Missed you,” you whisper, trailing kisses along his collarbone.
He smiles. His heart flutters beneath yours. “Missed you more,” he says.
His semen drips between your legs. He’s softening against the inside of your thigh. The bed is soaked, sheets that’ll need changed before you sleep tonight. You’re tired, spent, pussy throbbing from the loss of him – and it’s all so perfect.
Being here, with him. Seeing him, feeling him on your body. In your body, for crying out loud. Holding him, kissing him, loving him up close.
It’s fucking perfect.
“What are we running late for?” you ask.
Joel’s eyes flutter open. He cocks his head, frowning.
“You said we had somewhere to be,” you clarify.
“Oh,” he winces, “Uh, your dad’s. He’s havin’ us for dinner.”
“Oh,” you echo. “When is he expecting –?”
He glances at the clock. “Half hour ago.”
“Nice.” You push yourself up, slipping from his grasp. “Well, this is about to be awkward.”
Joel folds his arms behind his head. He tracks your flurried movements: lugging your bag across the floor, tearing through it for an outfit that doesn’t scream, Your best friend just fucked me senseless in his shower.
When you straighten and lift your arms, eyes wide, his lips turn.
“You said you wanted to dance, baby. I was just following orders.”
The sun filters through the leaves, breathing back and forth with the sway of the trees.
You’re horizontal in a deckchair, feet in Joel’s lap, blanket around your shoulders. Full on burgers and baseball talk; if it weren’t for your dad’s riveting conversation about his new lawnmower, you’d probably be asleep.
“Ride-on,” he tells Joel, nodding. It makes gardening a real thrill, apparently. He flicks a hand over the span of the yard. “Whole thing done in less than twenty minutes. Hank says he’s half a mind to make an investment himself.”
Joel purses his lips. He strokes your ankles soothingly. “Sounds like a good buy,” he placates.
Your dad drums on his armrests, admiring his yard some more. He mumbles something about raking the leaves, painting the fence, then – with a vigor that makes you jump, he taps your arm.
“How’s work, kiddo? Still rockin’ ‘n rollin’?”
Your eyes flash across Joel’s. The hell does that even mean?
The corner of his lip twitches. Your guess is as good as mine.
“Yep,” you lie. “Living the dream, Dad.”
Joel says nothing. He hasn’t told your dad why you came home – hasn’t even mentioned the tears outside the laundromat. Your secret is safe with him, you know that. Some puzzles are easier to figure out, the less eyes that are on them.
He hasn’t even brought it up with you yet. Granted, you’ve been home all of four hours, and a solid quarter of that time has been spent naked with him back at his place – but he’s waiting for you to make the first move.
This weekend doesn’t have to be about work. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be about you feeling homesick. It can be as simple as you hadn’t seen your dad for a few weeks, or you heard the news about the damn lawnmower and just had to pay a visit.
It’s what you’ve always loved so much about Joel. It’s what reeled you into him in the first place.
He just lets you be. No questions, no pressure, no worries. He knows you’ll figure it out – you always do. And if he knows that, then it makes you believe in it, too.
Dad sinks back into his chair with a sigh. “What’s on the cards this weekend, then?”
“Joel’s down San Antonio way tomorrow,” you yawn, “Some supplier meeting.”
“You don’t feel like a road trip?”
Your eyes roll to Joel. He’s already staring back. You cock an eyebrow, smirking into your glass.
His shoulder rolls in a shrug. “Your call, chief,” he says, tipping his drink to you.
The minute he mentioned the meeting last week, you knew you’d be tagging along. Two hours each way and an hour in between is too big a chunk of your weekend together to miss out on.
That – and you’ve missed Joel’s front-seat singing.
It doesn’t matter what you planned on doing – rolling around his bed for three days straight, driving to San Antonio and back. Hell, trimming your dad’s trees and cleaning his guttering.
As long as you’re doing it with Joel, it’s enough.
It’s what you came home for in the first place.
The drive passes quickly enough. Joel’s truck doesn’t have Bluetooth, and he only keeps three discs in his glove compartment: Don McLean’s American Pie, a Guitar Classics compilation album, and a blank disc with SARAH MILLER, SECOND GRADE scrawled in Sharpie.
He whips it from your hands when you fish it out of the compartment.
“Listen, listen to this,” Joel says, slotting it in the tray. “Found it a couple weeks ago. I listen to it when I’m drivin’ to work.”
Her squeaky, seven-year-old voice punches through the cabin. “Welcome to my presentation –” she roars into the mic, pausing when a voice picks up in the background. “Huh?” Sarah asks.
“You’re holdin’ the mic too close,” Joel murmurs, almost fourteen years younger. “Farther. Farther,” he says, and then – “Alright. Go.”
“Welcome to my presentation on Amelia E-Earhart,” she resumes, clearing her throat. “She…Oh, Daddy, we gotta restart. I forgot to tell ‘em my name.”
Joel covers his laughter with his fist, reciting it line for line. “Tommy said he’s gonna make her a copy for her birthday,” he says.
“Oh, my God. She’s gonna hate you guys, you know that, right?”
He nods. “I’m countin’ on it.”
Sarah rounds off a few facts about twentieth century air travel before Joel swaps her for the radio. He hands you the disc and you place it safely back in the glove compartment.
You curl up in the passenger seat, swinging your legs over to his lap.
He rubs your calves and glances over, smiling. “You okay over there?”
“I’m more tired than I was when I landed,” you reply, and he laughs.
You haven’t had much of a chance to catch up on sleep. The second you made it home last night, your dress was on the floor at the foot of Joel’s bed. He woke you this morning with his lips on your thighs, your underwear around your ankles.
He was midway through cooking breakfast when you floated into the kitchen to return the favor. The toast burned, the eggs shriveled to a crisp, and your knees bruised.
Fuck it, right? You’ll miss him when you’re gone. When all that’s left are the memories, and the sound of his climax through speakerphone.
An afternoon spent on the road is good recovery time, then, for all that’s waiting for you when you make it back to Joel’s tonight.
A few off-key covers of fifty number ones from the last fifty years later, you’re pulling into a barren lot headered by a beige trailer. The supplier springs out – a beefy guy with a full head of thick, white hair. He crosses the lot as Joel parks up.
Joel rounds the truck, pausing when he spots you lingering at the tailgate. He curves a hand around your neck, thumb circling over your pulse point. “You comin’?”
You twist the hem of your tee around your finger. “Maybe I’ll stay out here and wait. It’s a nice night, and you ain’t gonna be too long, right?”
He shakes his head. “Be as fast as I can. If it gets dark out, you come inside, alright?”
You shuffle into his embrace. “Promise.”
He kisses your head and steps back. “Here,” he slips the flannel from his shoulders, “If you’re sittin’ out. Got my phone if you need me.”
He disappears inside and the door falls closed. A cluster of moths twirls around the light on the trailer’s side. You hop up on the bed of the truck, crossing Joel’s shirt around your frame, and nestle against the back window.
The sun pulls down towards the horizon, sending dregs of daytime in ripples to the stars. She’s still alight just beyond the trees, still burning a hole in the sky. She winks at you from a distance.
The world looks different from Austin. Bigger, like the view from your bedroom window. There’s always more, just beyond the horizon. There has to be more, right? More than four pink walls and a chest of drawers. More than Sal’s store, more than Rita’s cross stitch.
You chased that more halfway across the country – only to realize it was in your hands the whole time.
Him and his lazy smile, sarcasm as thick as the accent he speaks it in. Rolled up sleeves and messy collar; a half-empty cup of coffee and a cracked watch face.
He’s all the more you could ever need.
You’re still perched on the tailgate, staring skyward, when Joel finishes up.
He swaggers across the lot, tan arms speckled with dry dirt, boots kicking up dust. He tosses a fistful of papers in the front seat, then drifts around to settle between your knees.
“Hi,” he whispers, tucking his nose under your jaw.
“Hi.”
He plants his hands either side of your hips and kisses your neck. “Home time, sweet girl.”
You glance over your shoulder.
This time tomorrow, you’ll be on your flight back. Row twelve, seat C. Joel’s flannel over your shoulders, slowly forgetting the scent of him, mile by mile. You’ll sleep with it tucked under your chin until it no longer smells like oak or pine, or the mint bodywash he uses.
You’ll miss it the way you’ll miss him. Holding onto every last moment. Deep morning voice, warm, safe embrace. The rumble of a laugh in his chest, the glimmer or mischief in his eye. The touches he saves just for you; the words he whispers when the lights turn out.
You wrap your arms around his neck.
“Can we go watch the sunset somewhere?”
Joel glances off behind you. His eyes flit back to yours, sunlight catching their ochre and setting him ablaze.
“Get in,” he pulls you down, “I know just the spot.”
It’s almost dusk by the time you reach the outlook.
A twisty dirt road which opens up between some trees, halfway out of the city. Joel reverses the truck and parks in the clearing. The two of you slide onto the tailgate, sharing a bag of fruit gums he had stored alongside Sarah’s CD.
The stars turn one by one, dotted across deep indigo. The last of the day’s blush still lingers where the city meets the sky. Tucked between trees and twilight, it feels as though you’re the only two in the world.
Joel holds the bag out, and you pinch a couple pieces of candy. “How you feelin’?” he asks, looking out to the skyline.
“Okay, I guess,” you mutter. “This has been a nice reset. I wish I could take you back with me.”
Joel laughs. “I don’t.”
“No?” you suckle on the sweet fruit, “I think you’d fit right in.”
“Oh, I’m sure.” He shakes his head, pinching your chin. “Naw, LA is yours. It’s something you did, all by yourself. I am so proud of you, honey, do you know that? I mean, I miss you like hell, I really do…”
He glances back down, rustling the bag in his hands. He’s hiding, you know him well enough. Staring at his lap instead of in your eye. When he looks back up, there’s a glimmer along his waterline.
“…But the way I feel any time you call, and I know…I know you’re out there doin’ something you actually give a shit about. You ain’t stuck here, too big for your own bedroom, too comfortable for anywhere else.”
He slips a hand over your knee and squeezes.
It’s infuriating, how right he always is. You’re working your fucking ass off, and for good reason. Austin was always too small for the world inside your head. Missing each other is a price you’re both willing to pay, for the luxury of not missing out on every dream you’ve ever had.
But –
“What if it keeps getting harder?” you sniff, “What if I need you more?”
Joel clicks his teeth. “’s always gonna get harder. That’s life, darlin’. But the hard times won’t last forever. And when it feels real tough, and you feel like you can’t do it no more, you call me. You jump on the next flight. You switch your brain off, and you let me take care of you for a little while.”
You shake your head. Tears break loose, rolling down your cheeks. “I can’t ask that of you, Joel, you got your own shit to worry about –”
“Baby.” He sighs. “I’m old. I’ve done everything I think I oughta do. You know, the days I know you’re gonna be callin’ at eight o’clock – it’s all I can think about. I’m at work checking my watch every five minutes.”
You giggle, turning into the crook of his arm.
“It’s true,” Joel snickers, “I’m like a goddamn teenager. That’s what you do to me.”
He catches you and pulls you against his chest.
“What I’m saying is – there ain’t nothing that matters more to me in the world than you. My own shit to worry about? You mean – you?”
“Shut up,” you scoff, spitting tears into his shirt.
“You call,” he says, resolute, “and I’ll be there.”
“I’m calling,” you whisper. “I’m always calling.”
“Then I’m always here.”
You sit back, bracing yourself on Joel’s thighs. He wipes the wet from your cheeks and fixes his shirt over your shoulders.
“You know, one day,” you tell him, “you’re gonna get a call, and it’s not just gonna be for the weekend.”
He smiles. “I know.”
“One day, I’m gonna come home forever, Joel.”
“I know,” he repeats. “And I’ll be on the front porch waitin’.”
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mind-intheclouds342 · 3 days ago
Text
A new ladder - Reader x Curly
Previous - Part 2 - Next
"Those were the words of the former captain of the Tulpar ship, owned by Pony Express, Grant Curly, who miraculously was the only survivor even in his condition after going through a series of murders on the ship, completely vulnerable, by the same person who caused the crash, his co-pilot Jimmy-"
You turned off the television while they were broadcasting Curly's testimony on all channels.
"I'll go buy a few things" you mentioned, getting up from your seat and putting on a jacket to go out. "Wanna come with me?"
Curly turned to look at you curiously, thinking you were going to leave him there on his own until you returned, or that you would take him without asking to keep him close.
Curly: "Please"
He sighed and you took his chair to start pushing him to the store.
They could notice the looks of the people passing by, all recognizing the man, but none able to approach him to ask a question.
"Do you like peas? Lin told me that you could eat without any problem as long as your pieces are small." 
Curly: "I have no problem with the food... I just don't like sweets."
"Okay"
You nodded, adding things to the cart, checking the prices, and thinking about what you could cook.
He stood gazing into the distance at the chocolate aisle, remembering the boxes of chocolates he used to buy for Linda, sighing at the thought that those days were in the past.
He found it strange to think that she was already over 50, while he remained at the age of 34, now being cared for by the younger sister of the woman who had once been his fiancée, who must now be around 32.
Curly: "Your birthday... It was a few months ago, right? I remember Linda used to say that she liked spring because it was when you were born."
"...No, my birthday hasn't happened yet, there's still some time left. But I don't really celebrate it, I just treat myself and that's it."
You shrugged even while looking at the products on the shelves.
Having everything you needed, you went to the cash registers to pay. The woman had seen Curly on television and gave him a discount as if he were some kind of veteran or senior.
That didn't please the man very much.
You stopped halfway back to his home, the streets were no longer so busy, after all, you had left a bit late after all.
"Would you like to feel something different?"
You asked him while firmly holding the wheelchair, there was a slight slope on that street, the man immediately turned to look at you, you looked excited to do something, like a child about to pull a prank.
Curly: "Sure?..." he said without being very convinced
And he let out a scream when you climbed onto the chair's wheel tubes and let the slope of the street make you go down, he could only hear a mix of his screams and your laughter as you went down.
He feared crashing into something or flying off, he didn't want to experience more pain, but the chair kept moving even after the descent was over. Curly was grateful for the good quality of the chair, and that it didn't fall apart when you got on it too. He was able to breathe easy when they stopped after a few seconds.
"And we arrived! Much faster, right?"
You patted his shoulder, ready to get off and push him inside the house, the man could feel the rapid beating of his heart at that moment.
Curly: "Do you do things like this often?" he asked, trying to have a conversation to calm down.
"Didn't you feel more alive?"
He fell silent as he thought about your question, while they descended, the only thing he could feel was his heart racing, the wind on his face, and he heard your laughter close to him, but at no moment was there sadness, remorse, or any of those emotions he constantly felt.
Just adrenaline.
Curly: "You could say that... yes..."
You put the groceries in their place and left out only what you were going to use, you ended up making some fried rice with chicken, egg, onion, and peas.
You could see how the man struggled to use his prosthesis to hold his utensils and eat, everything falling onto the table several times.
You moved your chair closer to him, making him look at you.
"Do you want to keep trying or would you prefer that I help you?"
Curly: "I give up for today..." was his only response, sighing.
You took food on your fork and brought it to his face, he opened his mouth and finally managed to take a bite, enjoying the taste of that simple food, he had missed homemade meals after so much time eating the provisions on the ship and then the bland hospital food.
"And? How is it?"
Curly: "Delicious," he replied, opening his mouth, hoping you would give him more.
You couldn't help but compare it to a baby bird begging for food, but you held back your laughter to keep feeding it.
Curly: "Mm.. So, when is your birthday?"
It was a very bad idea to talk to his implant while eating, causing him to start coughing as he choked on the food. 
"Well... It's exactly in 5 weeks," you smiled, making him raise his arms and you patted his back.
He was surprised at how quickly he was able to stop coughing when you did that, you immediately handed him a glass of water.
"I'll be right back, I'm going to get a cloth to clean the food scraps off the table."
You mentioned standing up to go to the kitchen.
While you were away, he kept trying to eat on his own, managing to get a small amount of rice on his fork and being able to eat that.
While he chewed, he kept watching out the window; that orange and reddish color appearing in the trees was tinting the whole place.
Her birthday... It's in autumn...
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fancyfeathers · 1 day ago
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Okay so..daughter darling..but Beth Harmon from Queens Gambit. I imagine she’s incredibly good at chess. She goes to all the competitions at school and wins. She even goes against Alfred and ends up winning..idk just a thought ❤️
Yandere Batfam w/ Wife/Mother!Darling & Daughter/Sister!Darling Masterlist
Oh my goodness I definitely see that!!!
I imagine she learned chess or something from someone her and her mother met on her mother’s business trips that took them all over the world. They were checking in at a hotel and while she is clinging to her mother’s hand she sees in the corner of her eye a bunch of people playing chess, an international tournament the hotel is hosting. So when her mom is off at one of her meetings she gets her nanny to take her to watch and she is hooked, especially when after one of the matches one of the players comes up over to her and kneels down onto her level and introduces herself to Daughter!Darling and…
“It’s lovely to meet you… say would you like to learn how to play? I certainly could use a partner to practice with and something tells me that you are going to be something else.”
She learns how to play that day and when her mother returns to the hotel from that meeting late that night she sees her daughter sitting at a table in the lobby with woman who is teaching her how to play chess, with so many of the other players all gathered around, some of the best chess players in the world all teaching this little girl how to play.
Her mom then gets calls from all of these chess champions, grand masters, who want to sponsor her daughter’s entry into chess tournaments, they are able to recognize the fact that her daughter has a gift. So her mother beings scheduling her meetings and business trips to be where tournaments are, letting these chess players watch her daughter while she is away at meetings, teaching her how to master the game and play the game against people four times her age. Her mom invites these chess players to parties and dinners she hosts in her home in Singapore or New York since they are so close to her daughter, like uncles and aunties.
So her world is turned upside down when her mother marries Bruce Wayne. Due to her father’s more… protective nature she does not get to go to these tournaments anymore because her mom’s work is now kept just to paperwork at the house, leaving all the foreign meetings to representatives and she is enrolled into the private school that Damian attends. Due to Damian being all so controlling and protective she does not get to spend time with her classmates and that is until after class one day right when Damian normally comes straight from his classroom to hers to walk with her to the car-
“Miss Wayne, may I speak with you for a moment? O-oh and Damian, you can come in, I’ll only be a moment with your little sister.”
Her teacher calls her up to her desk and Damian comes in, fully ready to defend her sister because he thinks she is in trouble when she gets asked to stay after class and instead her teacher hands her a piece of paper, a permission form.
“What did you just hand her?”
“Permission slip for the chess team, I am the staff supervisor for the team and- oh Damian don’t tell me you did not know.”
The teacher grabs a few papers and magazines from her desk drawer, chess publications on his little sister.
“Your little sister is a chess prodigy, learned from grandmasters and world champions. We do not have that level of players on our little team but I thought it would be nice for her to be around people who enjoy the game like her since she is still quite new to Gotham.”
Once they are out of the classroom Damian snatches the paper from her, shoving it in his bag, telling her that he will give it to father. When they get home he instead goes to press Tim, since he looked into them he must have known and Tim did know he just forgot too bring it up because it is just a hobby, when Damian realizes it is probably not the threat he imagined it to be he gives the form to Bruce who is reading with Mother!Darling which leads to another thing and more questions for her and pleading from his wife to let her.
“Bruce please, she loves the game, she has loved it since she saw it… please.”
“…fine, but Damian will have to stay after with her.”
So with that settled she joins the chess club and absolutely dominates everyone there, so much so that is just quick practice for her and Damian is stunned that his little sister who cannot sleep without her stuffed rabbit and still needs her mom to read to her before bed is able to beat the seniors on the team in two dozen moves, absolutely embarrassing them, it is kind of a a slight break in the helpless narrative that her brothers had of her.
Then the day comes around where her teacher gives her a flyer and registration form for an international tournament being hosted in the city. She takes them home and hands them to Bruce at dinner and he is clearly taken aback.
“…this is a tournament for adults, dear. I don’t think this is the type of game for you-“
“She will be fine Bruce, besides I believe some of her aunties and uncles will be competing so she will be perfectly safe with them, besides she used to do these competitions before we were married.”
“Aunties and uncles?”
“Mhm, they taught her how to play when she was four… in fact I have never missed one of her matches.”
Even if Bruce does not sign off on the tournament paperwork as her guardian, her mother will do it and will even call her aunties and uncles to let them know she is going to be playing so the world will spread like wildfire and there is no way to get her out of playing now that the press has spread the word. So when Bruce and her brothers find out it was too late to do anything.
Then when they all go to their venue the morning of the first day of the tournament so she may get the information on who is playing there is the undeniable feeling of heavy jealousy when she sees her aunties and uncles in the hotel lobby of where the tournament is being hosted, and something inside of her lights up and runs up to them and hugs them, looking more happy than she’s ever been in Gotham, because to her these are her actual family.
Then the time of her matches comes, her and her mother along with Alfred stay at the venue so she may practice before her matches in the evening. When she wins her matches it is just her mother and Alfred there, because everyone was late because of patrol. Her matches are over by the time they all arrive to watch, and she just looks up to Bruce’s eye…
“I am glad my mother was the one who raised me and left you before I was born… she has never missed one of my matches.”
“Do not speak to me like that, young lady-“
“You are not my father and never will be no matter how hard you try.”
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yanmuffins · 10 hours ago
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Unfortunately with the p & f reader. I think you’re missing out so much hijinks.
For example:
- luthor thinking reader is his kid and petitioning a paternity test to try and take custody
-or giving a full scholarship to said reader and internship at LuthorCorp
-the league of assassins coming after reader when everyone is out of the house and reader casually home alone-ing their way to safety. (Damian knew, still has no evidence, has no idea what reader did with the bodies)
-reader building a complete android copy of Alfred so he can go on vacation and have help around the house
-_doing the same to Damian for mild psychological warfare. (He started it)_
-improving the bat gadgets because reader is annoyed when they don’t work as well, and gaslighting the family into thinking Lucius Fox did it
-reader making an artificial Lazarus pit but only for pets.
-winning back to back science fairs, being shown in magazines, and has scholarships galore but the family still doesn’t notice. (Much to Alfred and Damian’s rage)
-it taking Damian being nice to her and trying to be a good sibling to actually get the rest of the family’s attention and to reveal her semi secret genius.
this is brilliant!! all of this!!! love how this leans a bit more into the malicious p&f! reader version rather than oblivious one. few things i want to comment:
i cannot even imagine (i can, actually) how bruce would react to lex luthor just waltzing in and saying hey. what if we, high-profile CEOs of huge companies, go to court over the paternity and custody of your child who i think might be mine? that's absolutely not going to be a media scandal :)
this implies either that:
1) lex luthor has fucked p&f! reader's mother
2) p&f! reader's mother has fucked both lex luthor and bruce wayne. who is she.
or
3) lex luthor is aware he cannot be p&f! reader's bio dad but just decided he wanted to try and steal bruce wayne's kid one day because of their brilliance and potential, and that's such a petty?? absurd thing to do just because???
but unfortunately for luthor (and any other villains), p&f! reader is a nepobaby who can very well work in their father's company if they want or need an internship and that's where bruce is sending them. no such thing as "i want to make my own way in the world" for p&f! reader in this one. bruce will not let them work anywhere else.
(on another note, it's so fun writing about a reader who is filthy rich for a change. a villain comes up to them offering full scholarships and a promising internship in their evil companies but like. their father is literally bruce wayne.)
and like. still on the paternity drama thing. lex luthor can always handle that privately, but why would he? and something like that wouldn't stay under wraps, tbh. lex luthor better sleep with one eye open from then on, he might find wayne enterprises has acquired a sudden interest in absorbing lexcorp…
i think i've answered an ask regarding the league of assassins? not sure, but a "home alone" setting for neglected! reader would make such a good one-shot fic in general (christmas is just around the corner too!). i don't think p&f! reader would kill anyone but they would sure know to defend themselves and immobilize any threats through their gadgets and last-minute traps.
there's two possibilities as to how this could end,
1) batfam comes back from whatever mission/vacation they went on to find the manor in complete disarray and a bunch of unconscious bodies piled up on the garage with p&f! reader just standing there, unphased.
2) batfam comes back from whatever mission/vacation they went on to find the manor just the way they left it, perhaps even a bit more tidy. there's no bodies, the footage has been deleted, damian knows the league of assassins has been in the manor but once again, cannot prove it. he's fuming but has a newfound respect for their blood sibling. roll credits.
realistically, they would be made aware of people raiding the house through its security system and come back running, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's p&f! reader we're talking about here.
as for the gadgets, i can imagine p&f! reader finding out or figuring out their family are vigilantes except the batfam doesn't know they know, and so they come and go the batcave when no one is looking. improves the gadgets out of pure boredom and leaves. except they do it in a way that is so subtle that the batfam take a certain time to consider there's someone messing with their stuff. it's like that one prank where you just keep replacing a person's pen before it runs out of ink.
"reader making an artificial Lazarus pit but only for pets."
that's essentialy pet sematary by stephen king, and we all know how that went. evil little undead pets running around the manor trying to murder the batfam because... p&f! reader was feeling bored and unhinged, i suppose.
you're right about damian being one of the reasons why the batfam starts paying attention to p&f! reader. alfred has been trying to get them to notice their cast-aside sibling for a while now, but damian being close to reader (trying to bust them or just hanging out) makes it impossible to ignore them. first, by associating with damian, and second by being a gifted child who has been pulling dangerous, insane and impossible stunts that deny all logic.
but looking back, it should be obvious. their room is filled with trophies, medals, rosettes, newspaper/magazine cutouts speaking of their achievements, were featured on the metropolis as well as gotham news multiple times, and pretty much everyone seems to know what they're up to. and yeah. "they feel pretty bad" is an understatement.
damian noticed, though. he might gotten into trouble himself for participating in some of those stunts (which he thinks is unfair), but at least he can brag about being a decent sibling and triumphantly say "shame on you" to everyone else but alfred.
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acesofspadess · 2 days ago
Text
my birthday boy
apart of the AG5 universe
spending Lando's birthday at the MTC didn't stop Ace
warnings: heart-melting fluff, PDA, public-speaking (gross)
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November 13
The weeks leading up to this day were definitely ones to forget. No one mentioned Brazil in the cosy apartment the papaya duo walked back into a few days later. Brazil was a shit-show, and they didn’t need to bring it all back up. Ace worked relentlessly to keep Lando away from the media, and al the negativity people felt the need to share. Ace didn;t care about what they said about her, this was Lando, her Lando, and she would do just about anything for him.
Monaco wasn’t big, but she did have to travel to the other end of the principality to visit her maman. She hadn’t seen her in weeks and needed some motherly time. She was slightly worried about leaving Lando, but she made sure Max started streaming again to keep him occupied. Lando was an adult, he lived by himself up until a year ago, and even though she knew what he was like before, she had faith he would still be okay… right?
“How’s your perri perri chicken from March pal?”
Wrong. She was glad she was watching the stream. She listened to him try and justify not using food before the best use date and she just shook her head. Why did she even let him keep that?
The next morning, she and her maman went grocery shopping for their house and when she got home and Lando saw her with bags he knew he was in trouble. 
“It is not a recommendation!” 
They hadn’t been home in three weeks, it was mildly understandable, but March? That was entirely Lando’s doing and she knew if he liked it, it would stay there. After a few more days of relaxing, streaming, and making Lando eat properly, they had to fly to the MTC. 
Now Ace loved birthdays, even if Lando didn;t want to celebrate, Ace would make him. So she made a few arrangements and after all the seriousness of the day had passed,and Ace and Lando were getting ready to 'leave’ and walking down the boulevard, a chorus of ‘happy birthday’ was being sung and Lando flipped his head to Aces who already had her phone up. 
He let go of her hand to hide his very smiley face as he walked a little ahead of her. The cake had a picture of his best moments over the top of it and a 2 and 5 candle on the top middle. “Alright make a wish.” Ace called from behind her phone. He closed his eyes and paused before blowing out the candle, making everyone applaud and cheer.
“You’ll hate me for this but…” she said and Lando tried to cover her mouth but she got her words out quickly,” …you have to make a speech.” Ace egged on and he side eyed her making those who saw him laugh. “If I'm being forced to…” He looked at her again. “I just want to say thank you for an incredible year, there've been some ups and downs but we’ve gotten through them and I wouldn’t want to do it with any other people by my side. Thank you all and here's to many more papaya birthdays.” He said with hands pressed together and bowing and thanking everyone around him.
He turned to Ace and hugged her waist tightly, making her almost drop her phone. “I love you so much, baby,” he whispered against her lips.
“I love you too, mon cœur,” she giggled, kissing him softly.
“Come on,” she said, tugging his hand, making him look confused. “You didn’t think this was it, did you?”
He chuckled before shaking his head. “How could I ever?”
Ace’s eyes sparkled mischievously as she led him out of the MTC. The gleam of polished floors reflected the overhead lights, and the soft hum of engineers wrapping up their day added to the atmosphere. Lando walked in step with her, fingers intertwined, his curiosity piqued.
“Where are we going?” Lando’s voice had that familiar playful lilt that always made her smile.
“You’ll see,” she replied, glancing back with a grin.
The crisp autumn air greeted them as they stepped outside. Ace glanced at the silver sky slowly turning shades of lavender and gold as the sun set behind the rolling fields.
“Baby, what—” he began, but she just squeezed his hand and guided him towards the passenger side.
“Trust me,” she said, opening the door for him. Lando slid into the seat with a mixture of excitement and puzzlement.
Once they were both settled, Ace revved the engine, the sound of power humming beneath them as they took off down the winding country roads. Lando watched the scenery blur by, the anticipation building in his chest.
“Okay, you’ve got to give me a hint,” he finally said, turning to look at her.
“Nope,” she said, popping the “p”. “You’re just going to have to be patient, Mr. Norris.”
“Patience isn’t exactly my strong suit,” he joked, letting out a playful sigh.
“I know,” Ace teased, glancing at him with a raised eyebrow. “But it’ll be worth it, I promise.”
“If you say so,” he said, pretending to pout. Ace laughed, reaching over to give his hand a quick squeeze.
After a few more minutes of playful banter and teasing guesses, Ace pulled into a small, cosy restaurant nestled at the edge of town. The warm glow from the windows and the scent of freshly baked bread filled the air as they stepped inside.
“Happy birthday,” she whispered as the host guided them to a table by the window, candles flickering gently.
Lando’s eyes softened. “This is perfect,” he said, reaching for her hand across the table.
“You deserve a night that’s all about you,” Ace said, her voice warm. “No engines, no track, just us.”
“And good food,” Lando added with a wink.
Their meals arrived, and soon enough, laughter and stories filled the space between them. Ace recounted a memory from one of their first races together.
“And then you said, ‘It’s just a little rain, Ace!’” she mimicked his voice, eyes bright with amusement.
Lando groaned, laughing. “I remember! I thought you were going to throw your helmet at me.”
“I almost did,” she said, leaning forward, her smile softening as she looked at him. “But you’re worth a little chaos.”
“A little?” Lando raised his eyebrows. “Try a lot. You’re competitive, remember?”
“Oh, I remember,” Ace said, narrowing her eyes playfully. “And don’t you forget it.”
They ate slowly, savouring each dish. Lando took a bite of his dessert, eyes lighting up. “This is so good,” he said, gesturing with his spoon. “You’ve really outdone yourself.”
“Only the best for you,” Ace replied, her voice a tender melody.
“You spoil me,” he said, pretending to scold her.
“Not nearly enough,” she countered, smirking.
After dinner, they made their way back to their shared apartment. The soft light of the living room lamps illuminated the space, casting a cozy glow over the photos and mementos that marked their journey together. Lando slipped off his shoes, stretching out with a contented sigh. Before he could say anything, Ace stood in front of him, holding a small, wrapped box.
“What’s this?” he asked, eyes wide.
“Open it,” she encouraged, crossing her arms and watching his expression closely.
Lando tore at the paper, revealing a set of sleek keys with a familiar horse- a Ferrari key. His mouth dropped open, and he looked up at Ace, disbelief mingling with sheer joy.
“No way,” he breathed. “Ace, you didn’t—”
“I did,” she said highly pitched in excitment. “I know how much you’ve been dreaming about it. Consider it a thank-you for every smile, every kiss, every moment.”
Lando surged forward, merging his lips with her own. “You’re incredible,” he whispered into her hair, voice thick with emotion. “This is... more than I could ever ask for.”
“You deserve it,” she said softly, brushing her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. They stayed like that for a moment, the quiet of their home holding the weight of their love.
“I can’t wait to go home now. Drive around for hours.” Lando finally said, eyes gleaming with excitement.
“Of course you can’t,” Ace said, laughter bubbling up. “We’ll make a whole day of it.”
“Deal,” Lando said, his voice softening. “But first, can we just stay like this a little longer?”
“For as long as you want,” she replied, resting her head against his shoulder.
“Best birthday ever,” Lando murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple, as their world, for tonight, felt beautifully complete.
acegiovanelli just posted!
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acegiovanelli my birthday boy
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landonorris love you baby ❤️... not to sure i love all these photos😐
acegiovanelli but they're my favourite
landonorris these are the best photos in the world ❤️
fan4 i love them so much 😭
fan7 happy birthday lando!
carlossainz55 happy birthday cabrón!
maxverstappen1 Happy birthday mate!
fan8 the world is healing
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spookwriter-xo · 1 day ago
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Coppélia
Chapter 3 - The Figure Painter
Chapter Summary - Y/N visits a childhood friend to go over Seonghwa's odd invitation.
Series Masterlist
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"And then he gave you a contract... Like from Fifty Shades of Gray?"
"I told you it's not a contract, he said it was an invitation."
"Honey, it literally gives you a place to sign at the bottom."
After Seonghwa had given me the envelope and left, I wasted no time in rushing over to my friend, Mia's, house to tell her everything. Mia and I had known each other since we were seven years old, hanging off of each other like leeches since. Her family was rich too, but unlike mine, they supported her artistic endeavors.
She was a painter, specializing in figure paintings and realism, and was also my voice of reason.
"I seriously don't know what to do," I whine, my head resting on her kitchen countertop.
"Well, what does it say? Like what does he want you to do?" She asks, her fingers twirling a teaspoon around her tea cup.
I glance down at the papers in front of me. So many rules were listed I struggled to even wrap my head around it.
"He wants me to move into their home," I say.
"Their home?" Mia clarifies. "As in other people?"
"I guess so?" I clear my throat as I continue. "I can remain as a dancer for the society as long as I don't practice for any longer than I need to be."
"Well, at least they're offering you some freedom." She mumbles sarcastically, taking a sip of her tea.
"Mia come on!" I cry out rather dramatically.
"I feel like there isn't much up for discussion here? Yes, it's weird and borderline controlling but when was the last time something exciting like this happened in your life?" She argues.
"I don't want to be controlled, Mia. This whole thing, it's just way above my pay grade. I had enough of it living with my parents, I don't need it in a romantic relationship too!" I point out. She lets out a sigh, nodding in understanding.
"You're right, I'm sorry." Mia runs a hand through her hair. "Okay, let's try a different approach. What things in there benefit you?"
"Uhm, I get to live in a big ass mansion free of charge," I say, my finger hovering over the bullet point. It sure would be better than the cheap studio apartment I live in now.
"You can never go wrong with a big ass mansion." She quips before I continue.
"It says... I have to be willing to, share myself?" I tilt my head with furrowed eyebrows.
"Oh, don't tell me they're the type to want a girl to homey hop." She seethes, leaning over the counter to read the paper. "Oh god, they are!" She exclaims.
"Just because you're monogamous doesn't mean you can judge!" I scold.
"I'm not judging, I'm cringing 'cause it's not for me." She says defensively. "If you're into that, I won't judge."
"Sure you won't."
"I might make fun of you a little, but you know I'll get over it!" She laughs. "Besides it's a bonus if they're all cute. I looked up Seonghwa and that Hongjoong guy and woo!" She whistles.
"Poor Mark." I tease, she gasps. "Listen, I don't know if I'm up for that either. I mean I don't even know who the others are, for all I know there could be a serial killer among them."
"Then call him." She states. "Call him and demand him to rewrite it on your terms."
"Would that work?" I ask, placing the papers back into a neat pile.
"He's a businessman, right? Of course, it would! Hell, you might even get to meet the others if you play your cards right." She says confidently. "You like this guy right?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Then fight for your own morals and boundaries, and if he doesn't accept that then move on." She says, moving over slightly to place her mug in the sink. "And if they try something, Mark and I will come over and beat them up for you."
"You and I both know Mark Lee is not going to beat anyone up." I laugh causing her to let out a snort.
"You're right, he could yap their ears off and give us time to escape the country though." She jokes, a wide grin spreading across her face.
I glance back down at the documents, genuinely contemplating for a moment. I hated the idea of being controlled by anyone again, let alone a bunch of men who, aside from 1, I have never had a conversation with in my life. But on top of that, it would be really nice to stay somewhere that didn't charge me almost my entire weekly pay for rent.
Plus Seonghwa was really good-looking, but was I really going to risk my freedom just because a cute guy gave me a second of his time? Mia was right, I needed to call him and set up some kind of meeting and get this document altered to my liking also, not just theirs.
"You're doing that thing again." Mia's voice cuts me out of my thoughts. "You know it's creepy when you stare off into space like that."
"Sorry, was just thinking about everything," I say softly, stuffing the document back into the envelope it came in.
"It's a lot, I know, but once you put your foot down like I know you can it'll all even out. You'll see." Mia was often right about these things, then again she was always the one to come up with the ideas that would get us into trouble growing up. I trusted her with things like this because I knew it would never leave the two of us, but trusting her to convince me to do something that could lead to me signing my life away? I was going to be a little more cautious of that.
"I should probably go, I got another show tonight," I say, hopping off of the seat I was perched on.
"Oh! I'm coming to the show next Monday! Don't mess up for me okay?" She says, skipping around the counter to give me a quick hug before I leave.
"Of course I won't, you're my lucky charm." I joke, pulling away and waving. She waves back, knowing I could find my way out.
I contemplated calling Seonghwa as I walked through the city streets. I let out an annoyed huff at the constant tug-of-war going on in my head. My finger hovered over the call button as I stared down at his contact. He'd probably show up tonight, but did I really want to decline his initial offer in person?
Without thinking I pressed call, holding my phone up to my ear as I chewed on my bottom lip nervously. I felt a sick feeling of nerves in my stomach, the same feeling I felt before I went out on stage.
It rings 4 times before he picks up.
"I thought you'd think about it a while longer." He states, his voice rough. I take a deep breath before I speak.
"I'm declining your 'invitation'," I stated, making sure my voice sounded defiant.
"What?" He asked, sounding genuinely surprised.
"You heard me. This... Contract is far too controlling for my liking and I refuse to subject myself to signing my life away for a man who only graced me with his presence last night." I say, earning some looks from passersby.
"Doll-"
"I'm not done! Look, I like you. But the only way this is happening is if we rewrite this to include my own terms. And I want whoever the hell you expect me to share myself with to be there also. No way in hell am I agreeing to something like that without even knowing what they look like." I say, rather rushed. Silence follows, and I look at my phone screen for a moment to make sure the phone call didn't end. As I placed the phone back to my ear I heard laughter.
"My, I really underestimated you didn't I?" Seonghwa chuckles. "A real firecracker you are, so unassuming up until now." I could feel his grin through the screen, and it made my blood boil.
"If you're going to waste my time-"
"Hold on a second, Doll." He says, his voice still laced with amusement. "I'll organize a dinner, how does that sound? You, me, and the others who helped write the original contract. That way you can meet everyone and get your boundaries heard."
I blinked in surprise at his offer. Was it really that easy? "You're serious?"
"Of course I am! Honestly, it's refreshing to talk to someone as pretty as you about business exchanges." He chuckles. "You have a show tonight, yes? Are you free Saturday night?"
I clear my throat. "Uhm, yeah?"
"Excellent, I'll send you the details tonight with your Gardenias." He says, hanging up before I can get another word in.
I gape at the phone, staring at it as I stand frozen in the middle of the street. I look around for a moment before continuing on my way.
I had a sinking feeling that this dinner was not going to be as easy as he made it seem. The others were most definitely businessmen also, co-owners of ATZ Corp. Me, a broke ballerina versus 8 businessmen on their own turf.
Pray for me.
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kaylapocalypse · 2 days ago
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Idk if this helps or if you're even looking for suggestions, but I have relatives like this and I tend to buy them experiences.
I've bought concert tickets for my parents to old people bands they like. I've bought restaurant gift certificates, gift certificates to spas.
I've also created variety packs of things. My father in law, a man with more money than god, got a collection of licorices from all over the world, purchased individually. My Sister in law, who offhandedly mentioned she's learning to cook, I got a full spice collection. Each one individually the best rated by cooks (not the most expensive, the one everyone likes!! some were niche overseas versions of cinnamon, others were like Target brand but the best liked)
I've also done christmases that are money christamses. Everyone gets a set amount (25-50$) and one food item that I am confirmed that they like (inexpensive, I'm talking pickles, chocolate, etc)
In the most dire circumstances when I do not AT ALL know what someone likes because we aren't close, I get them socks. Specifically, I get them the coziest softest socks ever. The kind of socks that make anyone alive want to take their shoes off and put on the socks. Most people have feet, most people wear socks. almost everyone alive loves things that are soft. An important part of the sock gift is that it must be packaged like a luxury item (regardless the cost). You may have the urge to switch to a scarf. Do not. Socks are better received than scarves.
For people in warm places where the sock gift won't work, I buy them fruit. Specifically, a variety basket of well wrapped fruit. This is a great gift for multiple people who live together because its like you're giving a gift to the "house". Also, if you do this enough, the gift receivers start expecting it (positive) and looking forward to it for the whole year and actually get disappointed if you get them anything other than fruit. (this is a good food gift because it has to be consumed within a time limit so it doesn't add to "too much food around" houses)
If its someone I have a work relationship with/slightly more professional, instead of giving wine/alcohol, I give them coffee. One bag of very interesting pre-ground beans and a gift card to either starbucks or dunkin donuts depending on how fancy-pants they are. If I know they don't drink Coffee, I change this to Hot-Chocolate.
For older people who are sentimental, I sometimes offer services. Digitize their music library and give it to them on a cheap device. Clean their tools and box them. Organize their photo collection and put it in a singular album. For gifts like this, you need time and to tell them earlier than christmas. They always enjoy you coming over to participate in doing this gift and then on christmas day, they get to show everyone what you did.
For my little sister I bought her a home cleaning. Around the holidays, youngish people (18-27) value this kind of gift immensely and don't tend to get wierd and defensive about it like if you gave this to your mom.
For men you're not close to, they get excited about upgrades and replacements to items they already own. Your dad has a drill, get him an even more souped up drill. Your brother has headphones? get him even more souped up headphones. Men you're not close to also LOVE if you give them research about the thing you got them. "i already have a drill" "oh man, i know, but this drill is Mens Magazine's pick for the year and has [long list of cool attributes.] here is a thing about all it can do!"
and lastly, If I don't want to give an item but I do like them and want to be with them, I will schedule a "catching up" dinner and pay for both of us, treat them to anything they want.
I hate buying Christmas presents. I don't know what my family want or need. We are simply not that close.
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b-skarsgard · 17 hours ago
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Bill Skarsgård on Remaking Nosferatu and the Pressure of “F--king With a Masterpiece”
The actor on Pennywise, Count Orlok, and the lure of monstrous characters.
(for those who weren’t able to read the article due to a paywall the full interview is now under the cut)
“I’ve always been a very happy monster.” So said Boris Karloff in 1962, looking back at three decades of creatures, ghouls, and killers that defined so much of his life onscreen. Bill Skarsgård hasn’t been at it nearly as long, but his tendency to play supernatural and terrifying figures suggests that, like his fiendish predecessor, he’s made peace with monstrosity.
The blockbusters It and It: Chapter 2 made him a horror icon as Pennywise the Dancing Clown, carrying on a long tradition in his Swedish acting family—which includes his father, Stellan, and older brothers Alexander and Gustaf—of playing haunting roles in hair-raising films. Since Pennywise, Bill has specialized in sinister, scene-stealing parts, from a high-society sociopath in John Wick: Chapter 4 to his recent turn as the otherworldly avenger of this year’s reboot of The Crow. His latest turn finds him playing the vampiric title character in Nosferatu, from The Witch and The Lighthouse filmmaker Robert Eggers, in a collaboration that brings an ominous new approach to the bat-faced antagonist of the 1922 silent film.
For Vanity Fair’s 2025 Hollywood Issue, he talked about touching the void and more.
Vanity Fair: We spoke years ago when you were about to start filming It, and you talked about the challenges of inhabiting an inhuman monster.
Bill Skarsgård: That was the first time—and wouldn’t be the last time—that I was taking on this kind of iconic character that has been done before so well, and that people love and cherish. The whole journey of that was so weird. If I spoke to you after the production, I would’ve been much more confident that we had something that was very special, but in the process of it, I was just like, Why did he cast me? I can’t do this.
We did speak again afterward. You talked about going home to your parents’ house after you finished shooting and being plagued by dreams about the character.
Those dreams were so strange. Either I was confronting Pennywise and I was upset with him, yelling at him—or I was Pennywise, but I was walking around in the streets that I grew up on, and I’m like, No, no. I shouldn’t be out here in public walking around like this. This is not how it’s supposed to be done. It was this weird thing where I was trying to separate myself from this thing, literally back in the place that I grew up in, in the same apartment that I grew up in.
Count Orlok in Nosferatu also emerges from a deep, dark place. What was it like for you to take that particular emotional ice bath?
Count Orlok was very different than Pennywise in a lot of ways. Orlok was even further away from who I am than Pennywise was, in the sense that my voice, posture, age, the look of it, it was just so far out there. That became the challenge. Before putting on the prosthetics, we explored so many weird things and looked into butoh, this sort of Japanese corpse dancing. We explored so many trippy things.
Did you say “corpse dancing”?
Yeah, butoh is this Japanese corpse dance. It’s all these, kind of, mummified movement patterns. It’s spectacular. It brought this much more precise and much more rigid and slow movement. Basically the outfit and the prosthetics helped so much. The voice was what I worked the hardest on. I worked with an opera singer—she tried to get it as low as possible. My brother Gustaf came to set when we were shooting. He’s sitting there and he gets the headphones on and he hears [deep growling sounds] and is like, “What the fuck is going on?” It must have seemed very insane.
Since you come from an acting family, I wondered what role your dad and your brothers play in your decision-making process or in your professional life.
I don’t talk to them in the sense of like, “Hey, do you think I should do this thing or that thing?” Of course, subconsciously, they’re such a big part of my life. It’s hard to quantify how much effect they’ve had in terms of my taste or in terms of performances. It’s great to have their support, more so in life in general than acting itself. It’s nice to be able to talk to your family, just going, like, “Oh, this shoot was a nightmare because of this and this and this.” And they’re like, “Oh yeah, totally. Tell me about it.” The job, the profession of acting, can feel kind of lonely sometimes. It just feels nice to have so many people, close people, around you that truly know what it’s like.
Especially after Nosferatu, people are going to look at your work and see a lot of monsters and a lot of dark figures. Why do you think you’ve been drawn to these characters?
I think those characters are drawn to me as much as I’m drawn to them. It’s a mutual kind of attraction. The fact that they’re drawn towards me is a bunch of different reasons, everything from the way you look, you have a sensibility, there’s a darkness about you, or there’s an intensity.
And it’s something you enjoy too?
Even going back to some of the earlier stuff I did in Sweden, transformation has always been very appealing to me—and playing characters that are very different than me. I played a character that was autistic when I was 19, and I loved it. I had so much joy in it. He’s not a dark character, he’s a very sweet character. But you study, and you change your voice. With Pennywise, that became my ultimate transformation. I just really enjoyed it. Now with Orlok, I really enjoy transforming as much as I humanly can. I think that’s very exciting.
Do you feel a curiosity about the more dangerous side of human nature?
The darker characters also tend to be more complex. More mental gymnastics are needed. Again, with Orlok, it’s like, Okay, if it’s an ancient sorcerer that speaks from a different realm and possesses all of this power and knowledge, what makes power and knowledge ultimately corrupt a soul as opposed to creating a messiah?
Do you ever worry about getting typecast?
I definitely don’t want to exclusively play those kind of roles, but I’ve never seen the appeal of the classic star, a movie star. The difference between a movie star and an actor is that a movie star plays himself in every part, in a way. Whereas as an actor transforms. There are people that play themselves, and they’re brilliant every single time, but it’s the same thing and they have that shtick. For me, I just don’t think that I’m that charismatic or interesting, so I can’t just lean on that. I need to transform as far away from me as possible.
Do you feel a kinship with actors from the past, like, say, Lon Chaney or Boris Karloff, who played dark beings and often transformed their regular appearances?
It’s a great question. Yeah, I do. But that being said, it was never my particular goal to be the “creature actor,” if you will. There are so many [actors] I draw inspiration from. A lot of other actors that are not known for their intense transformations are some of my favorites as well. I haven’t really studied the greats of prosthetics or creature performances in that way. I’ve watched a lot of it, but I don’t watch performances for inspiration per se, because there’s always this thing of emulation that I don’t want to go down. For Orlok, predatory animals felt like a cleaner source of inspiration.
You mentioned earlier that, several times now, you’ve played a character that is well-known from a previous iteration, but you did it in a new and different way. Did you feel that again with Nosferatu?
Orlok is also Dracula. To me, in terms of iconic horror characters, the number one is Dracula/Nosferatu. It’s the most seminal work of literature in gothic horror for sure. I think it’s been adapted more than probably any other book. This story is so ingrained in our subconscious that it was very daunting to step into it. I was a huge fan of [Robert] Eggers before. He and I would have these things we’re like, “What are we doing? Why are we doing Nosferatu? Are we taking on something too big here?” We felt that kind of pressure of fucking with a masterpiece. But the movie deserves its place as a new interpretation.
What’s on the horizon for you next?
I’ve always cherished the idea of being as versatile as I possibly can. I also want to do a kitchen-sink drama, I want to do a dark, fucked-up comedy. I want to make those choices or advocate for those choices. You have to fight against being typecast or put into a box. The more you fight against it, the bigger the box tends to get.
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1toreyouapart · 6 hours ago
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The Lies We Tell
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***FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. MDNI. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T LIKE FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE***
Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.
CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, more to come as I actually get things written out.
Masterlist
Apologies and Heartbreak
Quinn lay there in the dark, watching as the clock ticked over to 1am. She had been in bed for hours, desperate for sleep yet unable to. It was too quiet in the house. Usually there was the telltale sounds of everyone downstairs. Random shouts, usually followed by the boys laughing. The sound of a cupboard door closing. Water running in the kitchen as someone rinsed their dishes.
They had been gone all day, hard at work in the studio. Their brief little respite after touring done before it was back to the grind. It was funny how quickly she got used to those sounds and missed them as soon as they were gone. Might as well get used to it now. It was only a few weeks out to their next tour. Then it would be another two months of silence. They seemed to always be touring these days. Or always in the studio. Sometimes she missed the days when there was more time to just hang out. When all of them could spend lazy days at the beach, or head up north for a weekend.
A soft knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. Weird. She hadn't heard anybody come home. Normally it was chaos when they walked in. Her hand slowly reached to her nightstand, searching for anything she could use to defend herself. Everything was locked up. She was certain of it. It had to be one of the guys letting her know they were home. Had to be.
"Quinn? You awake?"
Noah.
"Come in," she called out, scooting over to make room for him in her bed.
The soft click of her door opening and closing, followed quickly by her bed dipping as he slid into her bed beside her. She couldn't see him but knew by the way he moved that he was exhausted. One long arm slid underneath her, the other wrapping around her to pull her into him, those same arms locking her in place. Carefully she reached up, trailing her fingers down his face. Of all the things she missed, she missed this most of all. These quiet moments with her best friend.
"I'm sorry, Quinn." His voice was barely above a whisper.
"What for?"
"I shouldn't have ghosted you like that. I kind of, uh, panicked. I shouldn't have done any of the shit I've done." He sighed, his breath fanning across her face. "I can't lose you, Quinn."
Brow furrowed she pulled back slightly, willing her eyes to actually just fucking adjust to the dark. She could just barely make out the outline of his features. Apologizing for the weird attempt at hiding from her was one thing. But the rest? When she was a willing participant? That was a bit insane to her.
"Yeah. You shouldn't have tried to disappear on me over a fucking kiss. We live together, dumb ass. Did you really think that was going to work out for you?"
"Like I said. I panicked."
"Okay. So, maybe don't do that again? I don't know what to tell you, dude."
"Quinn."
"Noah."
"You're doing that thing where you ignore half of what I said again."
Quinn shrugged. The best she could, anyway. It was a little difficult with how tightly he was holding onto her. Noah wanted to talk about it, but she wasn’t ready to. Nor was she ready for the inevitable “it won’t happen again” part of that talk. That was too much like a full on rejection, and a girl could only take so much before she snapped.
“Doesn’t need to be talked about, Noah. It happened. It’s fine. I’m a big girl that knows how to say no.”
Noah was quiet after that. So quiet she was certain he had fallen asleep. There would come a point where it had to be talked about. She knew that. Even with him not trying to hide from her anymore things were different. Almost like he was distancing himself entirely. But yet, here he was, in her bed at 1am like nothing had happened and everything was totally normal. Everything was confusing. He was confusing.
“I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, squeezing her just a little tighter. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Her throat constricted and she swallowed, desperate to shove down the urge to cry the more he talked. Sometimes she wished he could just take the hint and shut the fuck up.
“Go to sleep, Noah,” she whispered, not quite trusting her voice. What a fucking mess.
Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @mrscevans @supersquirrel1996
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catzgam3rz · 2 years ago
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Might stream more PKMN Violet tonight btw
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bixels · 7 months ago
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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genekies · 4 months ago
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tag vent
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#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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bootyful-seventeen · 1 year ago
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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our-lady-of-mcr · 7 months ago
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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united-under-skyfall · 1 year ago
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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nuclearnyx · 2 years ago
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people who don't use the tags to be sad and vent are so powerful lmao couldn't be me
#real talk it has been BAD lately#the POTS has gotten MUCH worse lately#for example. yesterday i had to call someone to bring me a sports drink because sitting up in bed made me almost lose consciousness#like i am DREADING leaving the house because im having minor-ish episodes at least twice a day#and the new scary part is that when i have an episode i cant speak well#i can say a few words at a time but thats it#which is scary and also frustrating because people tend to freak out and ask a lot of questions and its hard to answer#and it sucks because i know i cant do certain things when im home alone anymore#like showering (huge trigger) or cooking (also trigger sometimes) because its honestly kinda dangerous now#its very humbling to have to lie down on the floor because painting for 20 minutes triggered an attack#and a lot of the people around me arent handling it well so thats a whole OTHER set of issues#im honestly thinking of writing out a 'what to do during an episode' plan for the people in my family to make it easier#and another 'how we explain this to people' plan because everyone is giving different accounts and kinda minimizing to not scare people#which i get because it all SOUNDS very scary and we dont want people to be worrying (and frankly bothering us about it)#but if i show up to an event or whatever and have an issue or i start using a mobility aid (maybe?) they'll get weird#ANYWAYS this all sucks but also im hanging in there (and yes my doc is on top of this dont worry)#its going to be really interesting to see how things play out over the coming weeks and months
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