#we have a bunch of nice people so feel free to join

[scary-grace]

omg Hana lives au where you’re in her group for a project and keep suggesting studying at her house. You say it’s because she has a library but actually you just think her brother’s cute.

You sent this ask and my brain started clicking, so here is a Hana (and Mon) lives ficlet, ft. a reader who’s lying about her quirk.

“Again?” Hana asks. She heaves a dramatic sigh and flops down over her desk. “We always study at my house.”

“Your house is nicer,” Yue says.

“You have a library and a bunch of pretty windows,” Manami says. “And your backyard is so nice! If the weather’s good we can study outside.”

All of what your friends are saying is true. Hana has the nicest house by far, and the most books you can borrow, but you’re not going to join in the guilt-trip. Hana picks her head up and glances your way. “You’re not going to say anything?”

You can’t. It’ll look suspicious. “I’m fine with wherever,” you say.

“No you’re not,” Yue says, and elbows you. Her elbows are really pointy. “You want to go over to Hana’s too. Say it.”

“Okay, okay,” you say. Maybe not going along with it looks more suspicious than going along with it would. “We have to go over to yours, Hana. Mon loves me, and I promised to go back see him soon.”

“Mon does really like you,” Hana admits. “Better than me. The only person he likes more is Tenko.”

“Is he going to be around?” you ask as casually as possible. “Tenko?”

“Yeah. Why?”

That settles it. You’re going to Hana’s to study if you have to climb over the back fence and study in the grass. “Just figuring out how many snacks to bring. If you’re hosting, I’m bringing food.”

Manami and Yue renew their attack on Hana. “She has a cooking quirk. People pay for her stuff and we get it for free. Come on, Hana —“

Hana heaves an even more dramatic sigh than before, but you can see her smiling slightly. “Fine. My house tomorrow at noon.”

Manami and Yue are grinning, pleased, but you feel a knot of anticipation pulling tight in your chest. You like going to Hana’s, sure, and you love seeing Mon. But you’d rather fail every class between now and graduation than admit to Hana that the reason you always want to study at her place is that you have a crush on her little brother.

You’re not that much older than Tenko is — just a year or so, since you’re a grade ahead in the classes you share with Hana and Yue — and if you told anybody about your crush, the age difference would be the last thing they’d comment on. Tenko can be a little intense, a little earnest, a lot awkward. When you first became friends with Hana, nobody was making him pay for it yet, but then he got to middle school, and you know he got picked on. Hana stood up for him as best she could, and so did you, if someone was mean when you were in earshot. You stood up for him before you had a crush on him. That’s not why you did it.

You’re not sure when you went from the kind of distant fondness you have for your friends’ siblings to this, but it happened, and now you’ll take any chance you get to hang out at Hana’s house. Even if it means you’ll be up all night baking, trying to make the quirk you lied about look real.

You’re at Hana’s house two minutes after noon, with your backpack and two covered trays, one with cupcakes and one with taiyaki. Hana beams. “Sorry I was weird yesterday,” she says as she ushers you inside. “I was worried my dad might try to visit.”

“Oh.” You know Hana’s parents are divorced — messily divorced, and Hana has really mixed feelings about her dad, who lives in a luxury apartment on the other side of town. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s good. I told him he couldn’t visit because I had friends coming over to study, so it all worked out.”

Hana lifts the trays out of your hands while you take off your shoes and goes to set them on the table. As you straighten up, you hear the sound of paws pattering across the floor. “Mon?”

Mon pounces on you, much more spry than his white-flecked muzzle would suggest, and you crouch down to greet him. You don’t have a dog of your own, but you’ve always been a dog person, and Mon’s your favorite by a mile. You tell him so. “Who’s the most handsome man? I missed you so much —“ He bounces up on his hind legs to lick your nose, and you laugh. “I promised I’d come back. You don’t have to give me that many kisses.”

“He wants you to pet him.”

That’s Tenko’s voice, and just like that, you’re nervous. You look up to find him watching you from around the corner, dark-haired and grey-eyed, halfway in the shadows. “You never pet him,” he continues. He got cuter since the last time you saw him. How is that possible? “Why not?”

“Do I have to pet him to love him?” you ask awkwardly. “He likes me anyway.”

“Yeah. A lot. But it’s weird that you don’t pet him.” Tenko scratches lightly at the side of his neck with a gloved hand. “If you’re allergic, you shouldn’t let him lick your face.”

“I’m not allergic.” You nudge Mon away, and thankfully, he defaults to sniffing your backpack, giving you an excuse to look at him instead of Tenko. “I promised I’d bring treats for you next time. Give me a second.”

“He can’t eat treats from the store. They’re bad for him.”

“I made these at home,” you say. “There are two kinds — salmon and quinoa, and carrot and cheese.“

Tenko’s quiet. You glance up at him and see a surprised look on his face. “You made him two kinds of treats?”

“I wasn’t sure what he liked best,” you admit. You take the package out of your backpack, and Mon starts slobbering all over your hands as he tries to get you to open it. “Can I give him one?”

Tenko nods, and you open the plastic bag, selecting a carrot and cheese biscuit. “Sorry I was mean,” he says quietly. “I heard Hana tell you. About our dad —“

“It’s okay,” you say. He’s so earnest about stuff. You can’t remember the last time you heard a boy apologize and really mean it. “Um, should I ask Mon to do a trick or something?”

“If you hold it up and say ‘up’ he’ll stand on his hind legs,” Tenko says, and you laugh. “Don’t make him do it for too long. He’s getting old.”

Tenko’s voice catches a little bit on the last words, and breaks your heart a little bit more. “Can he roll over?”

“Yeah. Mon, roll,” Tenko orders, and Mon flops down and log-rolls twice. “Good boy. Now he can have a treat.”

You feed Mon the carrot and cheese biscuit, which he snaps up in two bites. He must like it, because he immediately comes hunting for more. Tenko fishes around in the bag and comes up with one of the salmon biscuits, which he gives to Mon without asking for a trick first. He pets Mon with gloved hands and Mon immediately pops up, licking his cheek and snuffling his ears. Tenko laughs, a quiet, rusty sound that makes your cheeks heat up. “Don’t be dumb. There aren’t any treats in there. She has the treats.”

Watching the two of them interact, you’re amazed that more of Hana’s friends don’t have crushes on Tenko. There’s something sweet about him, something that renders any weirdness or awkwardness or itchiness irrelevant. You know he’s smart, and you think he’s cute, and the fact that he’s a year younger than you and your friend’s brother shouldn’t matter at all.

But it does matter, because when Hana calls your name, you jump out of your skin like you’ve been caught stealing from the cookie jar. “Where did you go?” she complains, then rounds the corner. “You don’t have to win Mon’s heart with treats. He already likes you second-best out of everybody.”

“He does,” Tenko agrees. He glances sideways at you, somehow managing to look up at you through his eyelashes even though you’re both the same height crouching down. “I can tell.”

You try not to blush and mostly fail, because it’s not Mon’s heart you’re trying to win. And even though you know you shouldn’t, even though you know it’s a bad idea, you reach out to pet Mon’s ears, stealing a little bit of life from yourself and passing it along to him.

part 2 ->

[phantosss]

some changes i would have made to the characters storylines in tua s4

disclaimer: i am no writer, it's just fun to think about the possibilities. btw anyone feel free to use any of these ideas for fics idc

lila doesn't cheat for starters. instead she and diego have both been secretly doing vigilante missions and keeping it from the other because they think they'll be mad. on one of these missions the two run into each other and rekindle their spark. basically the five and lila story but with diego and lila instead thanks. maybe one or both of them almost die or their kids are put in danger, and they decide to find a much less dangerous hobby, because while its thrilling in the moment they realize they wouldn't sacrifice their family for it

luther is shown to be much more depressed about sloanes absence (if there really is no way for her to come back) but he's trying to hold it together to be there for his family. would be nice if he bonded with characters like klaus, viktor or allison who have also lost their lovers. diego and lila shenanigans means they need luther to babysit a lot and luther finds happiness caring for his nieces and nephew. maybe he also finds a fulfilling job where he can meet a lot of people and help others.

five still finds the time subway but without lila. we get more time exploring the alternate timelines and seeing different ways the apocalypse has happened including ways the other sibs have ended the world. his PTSD and reliving his trauma is also explored. he eventually ends up in the five diner where he's told that they end the world every time but instead of excepting defeat and making everyone sacrifice themselves he finds another way (what exactly that is im not so sure) and becomes the first and only five to successfully prevent the apocalypse forever

allisons relationship with claire and ray are explored more heavily as well as everything she did in s3. i like the idea that she takes care of klaus because 1: hes the only sibling that will still talk to her and 2: because of the guilt she feels after getting him killed. i just wish her arc focused on something OTHER than saving klaus because thats basically all she did this season. would be nice if she spent more time with viktor and luther the two people she wronged most heavily in s3.

i would keep viktors confrontation with reggie but alternatively i would make this reginald umbrella reginald so it has much more weight to it. either that or have viktor express that even though he said his piece toward this reggie he will never actually get closure with their real father and nothing will remove the pain from his childhood. the rest i would keep pretty similar. reginald wants to kill ben and viktor wants to stop him at any cost. viktor knows what its like to be "the bomb" and doesn't want the same thing that happened to him to happen to ben. instead of working together to find ben however they're more in a race against eachother. maybe allison joins him and they make up on the way. i would have liked for ben and viktor to have had a heart to heart in the beginning of the season, maybe about how ben felt like a monster sometimes because of his powers, and viktor relating. idk how this would work with sparrow ben because he doesn't seem to hate his powers the same way brelly ben did but it would have been nice to show another reason why viktor is going through so much trouble to save him. and the ending where he trys to talk him down would be more impactful i think.

for klaus i would keep everything pretty much the same up until he runs into that quinn guy. instead i would have him travel to the subway with five in lilas place. five and klaus' powers are the most mind boggling out of the bunch not to mention time and death are inherently intertwined and this needed to be explored. also, you're telling me klaus literally has the power to talk to GOD and this never has any plot relevance???? klaus should have been involved in finding the solution to the apocalypse imo. also we needed klaus and ben interactions. idk how or when but it NEEDED to happen

ben and jennifer being the catalyst for the apocalypse is making it very hard for me to figure what to do with him tbh. i just wish he had more time with the other sibs and didn't turn into a horrific blob monster at the end 😭he felt less like a character this season and more like a plot device and he deserved to have some scenes that actually fleshed him out. it would have been cool if the reason he causes the apocalypse was actually because of his powers and not just because he happened to be the one to make skin contact with jennifer. i really thought that the twist was gonna be that the squid that jennifer was stuck in was the one that ben summons and that was why they were connected. not the fact that they both just had reactive magic particles in them that anyone could have set off. like what if jennifer being cut out of the squid was what killed ben?

OH! what if jennifer was an eldritch horror from the same dimension that bens tentacles are from and for some reason she wants to kill the brellys/end the world and because bens powers are linked to her she can control his mind ???? c'mon i feel like i've got something here

a have a couple of other ideas but don't know where they would fit in rn so yeah.

[nikoaroknaus]

So, there are TONS of matchmaking servers on Discord, but none of them seem to be a space for Aro/Ace spec people like myself. And I see in a lot of Aro/Ace spec communities that they at least want to know other people who are also Aro/Ace spec. That said... I may have made an autumn themed discord server for that.

I honestly feel bad shamelessly promoting it, but I figured I'd make a matchmaking server for people to find friends or QPRs as they please since it seems to be a problem in the community. This server is 18+, so it doesn't get taken down by Discord and to keep the safety of minors a priority.

Matchmaking is totally optional and is a toggleable role in case you're not interested in that aspect. Announcements for matchmaking is also completely separate, so you don't even have to SEE it if you don't want to. We have a suggestion system, a ticket system, a bunch of self roles, a bunch of color roles, and more.

Right now it's just me moderating, but the few people in there already are very vigilant, EXTREMELY NICE, and super helpful! The server is incredibly new and I'm open to any suggestions of criticisms to make the server a better place!

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Hey Bird Boy!

I promised I’d write didn’t I? I’m missing you already, which is kinda stupid and cheesy, but true! There aren’t any other kids around now the holidays are over, so it’s just old people and super outdoorsy people who walk really fast with weird sticks and stuff, lame! Daddy lent me his crappy polaroid he uses for work so I can send you pictures and stuff so at least I’ve got something to do, they won’t be as good as yours but it’s better than nothing.

I tried to get a good picture but it’s hard to hold this huge thing with one hand and this is the best I could do but my teeth are totally starting to grow back so maybe I won’t look so dumb soon.. you can’t really see em but I can feel em poking through!!! It kinda hurts but I suppose we only have to grow em once so it’s not so bad. Growing teeth as a baby doesn’t count cos you can’t remember it.. how many teeth does your little sister have?!

I’m super looking forward to getting to know you properly since I can ask you stuff now! I’ll try n remember to ask you things instead of talking about myself the whole-time cos that’d be annoying to reply to, wouldn’t it?

By the way.. I took a bunch of pictures of my dad until I caught him laughing just to show you that he can be fun and nice, not always grumpy! He thinks he looks cool with his gold teeth but I think they make him look goofy, like a wannabe pirate haha!! YARRR!

I set Amber free cos I started to feel bad about keeping her cooped up in that tiny plastic box and I don’t think I’d like it if I were her, like how I’m starting to hate this stupid tower! I miss looking at her but I decided to start collecting fancy rocks instead since they’re not alive and don’t have any feelings. Dad digs up stuff for work sometimes so it makes total sense!! He said I’m not allowed to join him for that but we can do it on our own instead.. he bought me a big pretty one to start my collection, even though it’s kinda like cheating it still counts!

We found a birdwatching book stuffed in the back of the bookshelf looking for this notebook and dad said we should put some food out to see which ones we could spot.. they attacked him whilst he was putting the seeds out though so he said it was a stupid hobby and that he didn’t want to do it anymore. GET READY FOR THIS!!!

Ahahahahaahaaa I almost dropped his camera laughing at him and he took it off me for a couple days but it was totally worth it, please please pleaaaaase keep this picture cos I almost didn’t wanna send it to you so I could laugh at it forever and ever hahahaha!!!!

Oh, and I told daddy to take some pictures of me whilst I wasn’t looking like you do cos I thought it’d be neat, but I forgot I asked him to do it and got mad at him cos I was in my pj’s and my hair was all crazy.. it’s kinda funny I GUESS!! Plus, he said it made us even for me sending you the picture of him with the birds so here you go BUT DON’T KEEP THIS ONE!!

I got carried away and forgot to ask you stuff so here’s a list!

How old are you?

When’s your birthday?

Do you have any pets?!

What’s your favourite food?

Do you have all your big teeth yet? (it totally looked like it but you never know!!)

I was gonna think of more stuff to ask you and now the back of this page looks really empty but my brain farted and I really wanna send you this so you can send one back! I’ll think of more I promise!! I’m looking forward to “talking” to you so I guess you can write about whatever you want.. and I wanna see your house!! I bet your pictures will be way better than mine!

Yours excitedly, Alex :]

[s0ulsice]

 V I R A G O                   

Chapter 5

Honey, you’re familiar.

Neteyam x fem!omaticaya!reader

𝓭𝓮𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓵𝓼/𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷���𝓼/𝓼𝔂𝓷𝓸𝓹i𝓼

»»———–➤»»———–➤»»———WARNINGS:

Mentions of dick sucking and eating pussy???? IT'S A JOKE GUYS I SWEAR JUST READ AND YOU'LL UNDERSTAND GIVE ME A CHANCE!! 

Anxiety/mentions of hunger/mentions of not eating/ heights/ sex jokes/murder jokes?? Neteyam has like, one dirty thought?

Synopsis:  Y/n and Lo’ak spend some time together at the lake, and return to the omatikaya to join the sullys for the communal clan meal. Jake and y/n have a heart to heart.

Extra characters:

Kyuna: Omaticaya clan member

Popiti: Omaticaya child, Tuk’s best friend according to the visual dictionary.

Authors note:

HI GUYS! Did you miss me?? It’s okay to say no 😭. I’m in such a good mood guys and you won’t believe why 😏 and because I am in such a good mood, I have decided to give you guys some fluffy  sully family feels before the next chapter, where neteyam and Y/n will start their training! As just a reminder, please remember to go back and read chapter 3 (all 3 parts if you can) bc I have a feeling that not a ton of people have.

VERY IMPORTANT!!

This chapter is what I call a direct chapter. This means that the events in this chapter are happening on the same day as the ones in chapter 4 (found on my masterlist.). Ik it’s been awhile so pls feel free to refresh your memory

»»———–➤»»———–➤»»———»»———–➤»»———–➤»»———»»———–➤»

 “Damn that thing is huge.”

“…”

“So big and juicy looking…”

“……”

“I can’t wait to have that thing inside of me…mmm….my mouth is just watering thinking about it.”

“Lo’ak. Shut the fuck up.”

Lo’ak cackled, shoving you playfully.

“C’mon sis you know I play around.”

You huffed, trying to keep up being unamused with his sexual innuendos. 

“Lo’ak it’s not funny.”

“Yes it is.”

You thwacked him with your tail, hissing at him lowly, making him shut up immediately.

“You know for someone who complained about neteyam moaning into a fruit, you talk a lot of shit.”

Lo’ak shrugged.

“Is it so wrong to admire a fruit for its nice curves??”

It was inevitable that Lo’ak would bother you like this while you tried to focus. It wasn’t anything new. And while you were practicing the art of perpetual kindness, the occasional sex joke from Lo’ak deserved a whack of your tail, did it not?

You huffed, dropping your shoulders and letting your stance slip. You had been out in the woods with Lo’ak for the last 2 hours. Just exploring and enjoying conversation and gossip as usual, your bow slung around your torso and a few arrows, sharpened and freshly fletched at the ready in case of trouble.

It wasn’t trouble you were trying to shoot right now, luckily. Your current target was the fresh bunch of fruits that glistened under the canopy’s kisses of sunlight leaking through the foliage.

Lo’ak shifted on his feet.

“I could just shimmy up there and cut them down at the stem.”

You rolled your eyes, fondly recalling how about 5 minutes ago he tried that and fell on his ass…7 times.

“No, Lo’ak. I don’t want you injured. We’re doing it my way now.”

You raised your arm again, placing your arrow against the string of your bow, carefully constructing your once slipping stance to its previous position.

You took a breath, widening yourself at the proper angle, the sweet sound of the stretch your bowstring was a gentle satisfaction. You felt your nose twitch as the fletching of the arrows brush your nostrils.

You can feel Lo’ak’s eyes on you. Tracing the way your muscles tensed and stretched, enamored by your skill. It seemed as if everyone was. 

To be honest, it would have felt weird if it was anyone else other than Lo’ak.

You finally released, watching the arrow fly up and into the tree, the sound of the vine snapping as the arrow pierced straight through the stem that hung the fruits by the bunch to the branch resonated through the moistened air.

The fruits fell with a thud, you let out a satisfied sigh.

“There we go.”

You hummed, handing Lo’ak your bow as you squatted to swing the fruits over your shoulder.

Lo’ak was quiet for a moment. Just staring at your weapon as you stood to your feet.

“What? What’s wrong?”

You queried, stepping over the few stones to stand with him.

He shrugged, a smile allowing itself to sink upon his features.

“Nothing. I just feel like I should be more formal. I’m in the presence of our clan’s mighty archer.”

You rolled your eyes, pushing him as you started to walk down the path you came.

“Shut up.”

“No im serious. I should’ve done my hair or fixed up my outfit-“

“You’re not funny.”

“My mom says I’m funny.”

He puts his hands on his hips, chin high as if his existence was the height of humanity’s greatest accomplishments.

“Yourn mom also tells Tuk that babies come from flowers. So she’s extremely reliable, it seems.”

Lo’ak gasped frantically, dramatically tumbling over his steps and clutching his chest as if he’s entering cardiac arrest.

“You fiend of a woman! How dare you speak to me with such a tounge!?”

“Oh suck my dick Lo’ak.”

“Eat me out y/n!”

Lo’ak leaned against a tree, posing seductively. Spreading his legs and falling his hands around to gesture to his loins.

You covered your mouth and nose, gagging for effect. 

“Put it away Lo’ak, phew, I KNOW it stinks up in there.”

“It smells delectable.”

“Mo’at had a heart attack scare last time she washed your loincloth. I wouldn’t count on it.”

Lo’ak flipped you off.

You both couldn’t restrain yourselves from the ugly cackles that erupt from your throat.

Your laughter weaving floridly around the forest before soaking into the late afternoons sunrays. The sky blushed it’s shadowed hues into breathtaking. It was at this time when the sun settled its intensity and ceased staining the world with its harsh tones, when the night crept behind a curtain of clouds.

Lo’ak and you continued to wonder around, Lo’ak carrying the fruit in the woven satchel bag that hung by it’s strap over his shoulder, your hands remained free, feeling the diminutive weight of the bow on your back, reaching out every now and then to swing on a branch or hurl yourself over a log.

“So, question for you.”

Lo’ak started, throwing himself over a rock to land on the patch of moss.

“Uh huh.”

“If we were to go swimming right now, would we be late going back to high camp?”

You think for a moment.

“Not if we make it quick. Try not to lose your loincloth in the rapids again.”

You snickered, recalling the incident during a fishing trip that your fathers took you on when you were both 12,

Jogging off before he could pull your tail or pinch your ankle or grab your leg or something obnoxious

“For fucks sake, will you ever let that go!?”

A boisterous laugh leaves you as you doubled over against a tree.

“No. It’s so funny.”

“Shut the fuck up. Listen-“

“I’m listening!”

“No you’re not, you're laughing!”

Another cackle leaves you. You wave a hand around, as if to rid the air of your own facetiousness.

“Okay— okay. I’m done. I’m done laughing. I promise.”

The wheezing endnotes of your breathless words betray you, and another fit of laughter leaves you. Lo’ak joins, and your chest starts to ache with the amount of breath that presses through your fits of giggles.

Lo’ak swings an arm around your shoulder throwing you both of balance, as if your steps weren’t already unparalleled and uncoordinated.

“No because- how did you lose your fucking loincloth—“

You rasped, your eyes squeezing shut.

Sounds that you’re almost 89% sure resemble some animal dying leave you and Lo’ak in sync.

And all the shit you’ve been through the last few days seem to just melt away when you’re laughing with your best friend so hard you can’t breathe.

After a few minutes, the chorus of chortles and raspy sentences cease. 

“Oh eywa. You’re a fucking idiot.”

You sigh, shoving him lightly.

“So are you. We’re a package deal.”

He pushes you before sprinting towards the river.

“Lo’ak! Fuck— wait up.”

Lo’ak’s smile was different from Neteyam’s. Neteyam’s was full of warmth and sunlight. Saturn’s rings sulking in a lightning storm of gold gilded gardens. 

Lo’ak’s smile was made of healing boyish hearts and oddly shaped persuasion. Flames and rings of smoke that radiated its warmth beneath incandescent skin. Rattling notes of wooden beads clinking together and a fragile temperament.

He throws himself in the water with a running start, an accented yelp echoed like a final chord striking before a late curtain call of a sunset evening’s songs.

Your laugh is loud, it shakes your body as his head emerges from the water.

“Come on. Don’t be a wuss.”

You took a breath, diving in the water.

You felt your body slicing through the surface, the air around you revisions itself into a 

You enjoyed swimming. And you were actually really good at it. There was something about being in the water that was so soothing, sirenic sensations that seemed to lift the world into light.

Your vision consolidated, surrendering to the soft undercurrents that brushed along your skin.

You motioned your arms and legs forward, propelling yourself through the water. You swiftly raised your head above the water, feeling the surface break as you retreated for air.

As the film of aqua haze vanishes back to the thickened victorious viridescent shades  painted the jungle. The light leaked through the canopy, reigning a rutilant warm glow, burned by the late afternoon sun.

Lo’ak’s silhouette blackens, shadowed by the thick line of fire that forms itself into the shape of sunlight.

“You’re crazy good at that.”

“At what?”

“Swimming.”

 Your mother and father were traders.  

Well, really, your father was.

Your father’s family were the representatives for your clan while traveling and trading for years. 

His family had an almost nomadic lifestyle and spent much of their time away from hometree and the clan. The olo’eyktan of the clan at the time, Lo’ak’s grandfather, followed the tradition of leaders many years before him of entrusting your father’s family to be the ones to travel by ikran away from home in seasonal patterns to trade resources and gather new information to report and bring back to the clan. Its a system that has been in place for many years.

As a child, you occasionally traveled with your parents. Visiting the planes where the tipani resided, and even the beaches under the cliffs where the tayrangi dwelled. When you were little, you loved to swim in the oceans with the other tayrangi children. 

You shrugged. Rubbing the back of your neck, your braids strung loosely about behind you, some  some swaying across the surface of the water and other sinking against your back. 

“My parents took me when they traveled east a lot. Remember? I guess I’ve built up some swimming skills.”

Lo’ak nodded, glancing down at the water before flicking his gaze back towards you.

“Do you think you’ll do it?”

“Do what?”

“Travel. Like your parents did.”

You think for a moment. Letting the silence settle. There was a time, where you and Lo’ak were dumb and 12 years old would stay up past dark quietly sneaking around the clan to steal some snacks and climb the yovo fruit trees that surrounded your village, the one you lived in before high camp. You would whisper about your plans for the future. How one day, you both would pack up your ikran saddles and fly off to a far away land, explore and travel the uncharted territories of Pandora together, and return when the journey ended on your own terms.

“Maybe.”

You hummed, thinking of how possibilities place themselves into puzzle pieces so quickly with time.

He nods, paddling around.

“Remember when we were kids? And we always talked about running away? Convincing my dad to bring back our old trading systems? Just going wherever we wanted? No nagging, no worries, just a bullshit-free life.”

You splashed your face with some water, the refreshing coolness washes down your neck.

“Should we really leave the clan like that?”

Lo’ak snorted.

“Please. I think they’ll be fine. The trade needed to be brought back anyways. There are resources we could use and it’s good to strengthen our connections with the other clans and blah blah blah.”

You couldn’t argue with that.

He swam to you, his expression statued a seriousness that was almost unfamiliar to his usual demeanor. 

“But I want to be real for a moment. I don’t want to be stuck here forever. You hear what Norm and max say. Pandora is huge. It’s too big for us to just stay in the forest for the rest of our lives.”

You frowned, a heaviness blanketed your heart that you couldn't quite name.

“Your family will miss you.”

Lo’ak laughed, but it was thin and forced, almost bitter.

“No. I don’t think they would.”

You shook your head, knowing that wasn’t true.

“Lo’ak. They love you.”

“My siblings and you may love me. But I don’t think the great Toruk Makto always likes me.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he does like you, and that hes just afraid of loosing you?? Because you are so much like him, so much of a mirror into his own youth, he knows the mistakes he made.”

Lo’ak was quiet for a moment. His voice was softer this time, this tell-tale of a familial tragedy that unconditionally refused to acknowledge one’s individuality. Where Jake and Lo’ak walked the thin line of being a mirror that refused reflection, a window that showed you what you prayed you would never see. History’s cruel rhyme schemes never surprised you. Not anymore. 

The hoarseness in his voice edged his tone, you could tell he was disassociating from the conversation.  

“That has nothing to do with me.”

“I think he’s still learning to make peace with that. You never really grow out of growing.”

Silence settled between you before it was shattered by the heavy sweep of water that crashes onto your face.

You cough up some of the water, slapping Lo’ak’s shoulder.

“What the fuck was that for?!”

“Stop being so fucking smart.”

He whined, dunking his head under water.

You rolled your eyes. Yanking him up by his forearm. 

“Lo’ak, I’m serious.”

He glared.

“And I’m not in the mood.”

“Your dad doesn’t hate you. He just-“

“I never said he hates me. I said he doesn’t like me. You don’t have to like someone in order to love them.”

“That’s not— Lo’ak I’m sure-“

“Y/n.”

That was your cue to close the curtain on that conversation. It pained you to know that Lo’ak thought like that. But you knew he would open up. Eventually.

Your mouth tapped shut. Your lips pressing into a thin line. 

He sighed, running his hands down his face roughly.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to snap. Not at you. It’s just-“

“It’s okay, Lo. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

And of course, what kind of awkwardness couldn’t be avoided with a change of topic??

You swam next to him, splashing him playfully.

“I’ll tell you what. Let’s wait a few weeks, we’ll pull together something to present to jake. We can meet with him and discuss if he’ll let us travel and revive the trade.”

In all, it wasn’t a bad idea. Which was rare for Lo’ak. The least you could do was give him the opportunity. 

He smiled at you. And before you could say anything, he whooped wildly like a child, his elbow thrown around your neck, forcing you to wade abruptly closer.

“Aye! Y/n! I knew you could come around. We’re going to be such badass travelers.”

You chuckled, patting his back.

“As if I would say no to you.”

“If you did I might have to spit in your food.”

He announces proudly, floating on his back.

You gag.

“You’re disgusting.”

“I’m distinguished.”

He corrects, reaching out his arms and moving them slowly in a paddle motion.

☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺��︎₊ ⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊ ⋆⁺ ‏𖦹  ₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ 

Water was forgiving. Maybe that’s why you felt so familiar with it.

You haven’t felt forgiven for a lot of things in your life. Not now, anyways.

Underwater was where the sun’s warmth didn’t feel so harsh. You never had trouble discerning the safety and the solitude of land. 

You took a breath before submerging yourself under the 

The vault of the sky caves around its azure dome as light bent and broadened across the surface, stretching the sunset into a  henotic harmony. 

You dived deeper. Your arms pushed you forward, like wings guiding a bird through the skies.

The opaque world of glass rests under the world. The shadows of the depths are drunken words spreading orisons that seem like obstinate Orphics. 

mazarine whispers, and cyan and cerulean sing. 

Your thoughts seem to retreat to the uninhibited corners of your mind as you remain nantant.

Nothing could reach you here.

Well, maybe Lo’ak’s bitchy screeching.

“Y/n! Dude! Come on!”

He yanks you out of the water, his arm uncomfortably clamped around your waist like a child trying to retrieve a toy by fishing it out of water blindly.

You sputtered out the water that rushed to your face with the unexpected motion, so lost in your haze of serenity you barely heard Lo’ak the first time.

You coughed, squirming as he threw you into the plush riverbank grass.

“Shit! Sorry!”

He patted- well more like slapped your back roughly to try and aid your recovery.

“Sorry, sorry. You just weren’t coming up for air. I called your name like 10 times.”

You whacked him with your tail, and he hissed and held the spot on his arm.

“I don’t like being manhandled.”

You rasped, clearing the water from your throat.

“Dude who the fuck cares! My dad will handle us into a ditch if we’re not back in time!” 

Shit.

₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ 

“Keep going!”

You yelled over your shoulder, scrambling over branches and through the brush. 

You jumped over a rock, slinging yourself up a step with a vine, looping around to check on Lo’ak, who was halfway seen sprinting to catch up with you.

“Shit! My bow-!”

“Don’t worry! I grabbed it back at the lake!”

He calls back to you.

“Just keep going!”

You nodded, nearly tripping as you sprang forward once again.

You raised two fingers to your lips, pressing air as the shriek of a whistle left you.

The flap of wings you heard wasn’t that far away.

You stopped at when you reached a cleaning, turning around to see Lo’ak skid to a stop.

Kailo landed infront of you both, you Quickly mounted him, throwing your bow in the holster on the side of the saddle.

“Hey buddy.”

Lo’ak cooed in a rushed manner, quickly giving him a few pats before hopping on behind you. You reached back, pulling him up. He wrapped an arm around your neck, hiking up his legs.

“Comfy?”

You asked, turning around to meet Lo’ak’s eyes. He was out of breath, chest heaving.

“Uh huh— SHIT.”

You took off before he could answer, gently digging your heels into the sides of the saddle, pulling the strapped reign as Kailo took off.

Lo’ak tightened his hold using his elbow around your neck, his upright headlock was no unfamiliarity whenever you gave him rides.

But this is Lo’ak we’re talking about. Of course he got comfortable quickly.

There was a comfort to flying with Lo’ak.

It made you feel like a little kid again. Carrying eachother around on your backs, playing games and doing stupid things for stupid reasons because there was a time where being stupid was fun and okay.

And maybe, with Lo’ak, being stupid wasn’t so bad.

You banked left, diving through the center of an arched mountain over the forest. Lo’ak cheered and whooped, throwing his hands up, before cursing and holding onto you again after realizing he almost lost his balance.

His palm roughly cupped your shoulder as he sat himself up a bit higher, looking out onto the world below.

You climb a lift of air before directing Kailo to drop, a straight dive down the waterfall. Once you leveled out again, you and Lo’ak both leaned to the side, letting your fingertips skim the surface of the lake below.

You were never carelesss or reckless with Kailo. He was one of the fastest ikran your clan had ever seen, plus he was larger than most average ikran. That was no excuse to go flying so fast you fling yourself off the saddle.

But occasionally, you let yourself go.

“Please please please go faster!”

Lo’ak yelled, his volume competing wit. The wind.

“What? No. Any faster and we’ll crash into something.”

“Please!?”

Eh, why not? He’s had a rough couple of days. So have you.

You dived down again, grinning as you joined Lo’ak in his wild bouts of yelling.

But the fun didn’t last forever. Ahead, high camp came into view.

₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ 

You could feel Lo’ak’s hand shaking slightly as you both touched down through the large entrance crevice of high camp.

“Dad’s gonna kill us.”

Lo’ak groaned, sliding off the saddle behind you, petting Kailo a few times.

“Just relax and let me do the talking.”

You shook your head, giving his shoulder a small squeeze.

“It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know everything.”

“Where the hell have you crotch stains been!?”

And you sure as hell knew who that voice belonged to.

Lo’ak jumped a bit, turning to see Jake barging himself towards you both.

“Fuck.”

Lo’ak muttered under his breath. So quietly he might not have said it all.

He hung his head, a few of his braids swinging over his shoulders, he shifted uncomfortably on his feet, only glancing up once to look at you.

A few heads turned, some na’vi bearing witness to the spectacle of their olo’eyktan yelling at his kids.

And boy, he did not look happy.

Lo’ak puts both hands up, something you’ve noticed Neteyam do when Jake got heated like this. As if trying to calm a raging animal from attacking.

“Dad, I know this looks bad.”

“I would be concerned if you thought this didn’t ‘look bad’, Lo’ak.”

Jake bit back, his taller figure looming over his son.

Lo’ak bit his lip, his fingers twitch as his fingers dangle at his sides.

“You disobeyed me.”

The space between his brow wrinkles offensively.

“How did I disobey you?”

“I asked you, I asked ALL of your siblings this morning to let y/n rest and i found out you two go off on a joyride!?”

“Slow down Jake or you’ll have a heart attack.”

You sigh, stepping forward until your gaze is paralleled with his.

Lo’ak snorts, but he quickly masks his amusement as Jake sends him a glare, then he sends you one.

“You and I will talk later, I can only deal with one delinquent at a time.”

He waves you away.

“No, since you have enough to dish out for Lo’ak here, i’m sure there;s plenty for us to share.”

You felt like a teenager edged with attitude, especially when you loved and respected Jake so much. But seeing Lo’ak get wrung out all the time was exhausting. 

“Jake this wasn’t Lo’ak’s fault.”

Lo’aks shaking fingers stilled, the ghost your side, gesturing to you that you didn’t have t0 take this for him.

“I’m the one that suggested we go for a ride. We took kailo and went to the lake for a few hours. Cleared my head. Did some meditating just like you suggested.”

You nudge him playfully, but the man didn;t look amused. Conflicted was probably the right word.

“Either way, I said he was to stay away from you for at least a day.”

“Jake, he doesn;t run up my blood pressure like he does yours. He’s fine. No one was hurt. Nothing happened, and Lo’ak didn’t want me to go alone.”

You Lo’ak a look, commionucating silently with your eyes.

Dude. say something.

Lo’ak nods, fishing himself out of a daze.

“R-right. Yes. right, we just went to the lake, dad.”

Jake sighed, rubbing his fingers to his temple, attempting to soothe the brewing headache, virtue to the usual shenanigans Lo’ak and you could never seem to shake.’

“Guys, i really don’t think that-”

“Wait! The only reason we stayed longer is because Lo’ak wanted to grab these.”

You grabbed the satchel that rested on Lo’aks hip, opening the woven flap to display the fruits you gathered earlier.

You gently thwacked lo’ak with your tail, and he immeditaaly caught the jist.

“I know theyre mom’s favorites.”

Lo’ak batted his eyes while you gave jake a sickeningly sweet smile.

He groaned, turning away.

“Out of my sight. Both of you. Now.”

“Okay thanks! Love you dad!!”

You and Lo’ak sprinted across the camp, submerged in your own laughter. You scurried mo’at;s tent, shutting the flap when he turned to you.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Eywa wouldn't let us face battles if she knew we were going to do it alone.” 

₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊

Neteyam’s pov, the sullys tent:

My mother hates crowds. It’s not something I’ve inherited. 

You can tell by the way she shrinks behind my father or grandmother when we have clan gatherings. The way she resorts to fidgeting with her songchord or holding Tuk’s hand to distract herself from the ocean of eyes that are standing in front of her.

Tonight the clan eats communally. We do it every once in a while. My grandmother told me that the people did it every night before hometree was destroyed, but as time faded, so did our habits, I suppose.

Maybe thats why tonight, as my family prepares to leave for communal meal, the air is uneasy and tense.

Kiri and I had been home almost all day, watching Tuk while my grandmother rested and my mother attended to her duties around high camp.

It feels empty without my father, Lo’ak, and y/n.

My mothers voice pulls my attention.

“Neteyam, go wake your grandmother.”

She kneeled down in the corner, tending to Tuk, trying to pick the leaves out of her hair.

“Uh huh. Give me a second.”

I set the freshly washed bowls I just finished scrubbing down in the pile where we left all our dishes. 

I turned to see my grandmother, currently 18ft deep in her beyond-afternoon nap. 

I sighed, stretching my arms behind my back, locking my fingers together to soothe the tightness in my muscles as I walk my way over to her.

“Grandmother.”

I tap her shoulder, her snores blaring lowly.

I sigh. Waking up my grandmother was usually a two man job.

“Grandmother? Grandmother???”

She stirs, but doesn’t wake.

I poke her shoulder lightly with my fingers.

She gasps awake, flinging her arm at my face, I step back, flinching at the action.

She sits up, squinting at me before her gaze softens.

“Neteyam, I’m sorry. I thought you were your father.”

“So you were planning to smack my father?”

“That’s beyond the point. I had the most wonderful dream.”

She reminisced dreamily.

I shifted on my feet awkwardly.

“That’s wonderful, grandmother. But I woke you because-“

“Quiet boy. I’m speaking.”

Great. Just what I was aiming to avoid.

I straighten, a rough breath falling from my lips. Settling in for the haul of whatever was to come.

“Apologies, Tsahik. You were saying?”

“Well.”

She begins.

“It was many years ago…when your mother told me she was with child.”

“Uh huh.”

“And then once she started, eywa she just wouldn’t stop..one child after another..”

I catch my mother glaring out of the corner of my eye.

“Neteyam, I think your grandmother can get up on her own.”

She hisses.

Grandmother waves her off.

“Don’t listen to her, boy. Go fetch my cane.”

My mother throws her arms up to express exaggeration.

“You don’t need a cane, Sa’nok.”

I stand warily between the two of them.

“And you don’t need to be sneaking off with your husband every few nights.”

My grandmother shoots back.

Maybe there was a reason for my father’s constant headaches.

It’s kiri’s voice that grasps my attention. I turn to see her enter the Marui with a half-weaved basket in her hands.

“Neteyam, while the golden girls are fighting, you might wanna take the time to worry about yourself.”

I shake my head, protesting gently. Something keeping me tied to multitasking bites at the back of my mind.

“No, I got it.”

She gives me a look, setting the basket-in-progress down and crossing her arms.

“Neteyam, you have been chasing Tuk around all day, helping mother clean, and as much as I know you enjoy being serenaded by grandmothers snoring, you need a break.”

“Kiri, really I'm fine.”

“I wasn’t asking. Go.”

Arguing with Kiri was useless. There was no competing with full-bodied ambition when ignited. 

I surrender. Retreating behind the curtain of the divider between the two areas of my family’s home.

I busy myself with personal tasks. Sharpening my knife, rummaging through lo’ak’s hammock to retrieve the armbands I know for a fact he's stolen from me. Again.

About 1o minutes had passed. I had found 8 armbands when I heard the familiar voice of my father as he entered the tent.

I slip under the divider sheet to see him. He alternates looks between Lo’ak and Y/n as they shuffle inside.

“Ma’jake.”

My mother sighs in relief, as if my father is the shower of fresh rain after a drought.  She holds Tuk on her hip as she squirms and giggles.

“Where have you been? There is much that needs to be done.”

My father pauses as he takes in each dilemma. 

Kiri and Grandmother arguing in the corner.

My mother is holding an overly-hyper tuk.

Lo’ak and Y/n laughing for whatever reason.

And me. Peeking out from behind the sheet.

“I can see that.”

He affirms, reaching out to take tuk off my mother’s hands.

running his hand down her back in soothing circles, trying to get both of them to calm down.

My father knows my mother is full of love. He also knows when not enough of that love is kept for herself.

Lo’ak stares at our parents, his expression of mild disgust.

“Do you two want a moment alone?”

A laugh follows, my eyes ascertaining to its source.

Her. Oh it’s her. 

Oh. 

It’s her.

She stands behind Lo’ak, a lean azure frame. Droplets gleam and scintillate as they slide down her skin. Her bangles and bracelets shine under the fractured light. I try so hard not to stare. I try to focus on anything. Anything at all. Anything that won’t make me feel like I’m staring at a woman who’s wet and shiny like some kind of pervert. 

Fuck. That sounded like I was describing a river rock or something.

‘wEt aNd sHiNy.’ 19 years old, future Olo’eyktan of your clan  and you can’t even talk. I feel like the ground envelops me in quicksand, my lungs famine for air. Eywa, she was pretty.

‘Pretty’ feels like a disparagement. Makes me feel inarticulate for lacking a better word. Beautiful. Stunning. Hot? Is hot weird? She is hot. Is that weird? Am I weird?

If there is another word. I’ll find it

Her braids cascade down her back, a crown of curls and waves Unwinding at the where the braids end, the curls I sometimes imagine spilling through my fingers while I capture sweet sounds that fall from her lips.

Am I weird for this? 

My father speaks, yanking me out of my haze.

“Baby, I can always call off the clan gathering if you’re not feeling a crowd tonight.”

He adjusts Tuk on his hip, picking a leaf out of her hair.

My mother shakes her head.

“No. I’m alright. There is just much to be done before we leave…”

My dad nods graciously, placing Tuk back to her feet again.

“Say no more. We’ll get everyone outta here in one piece.”

“Were you planning on us leaving disembodied?”

Kiri asks, her tone welcoming sarcasm in its arms.

Lo’ak chimes in.

“Can I swap out my loincloth real quick? I hate having the wet weaving slapping against me every time I walk.”

“Then why would you get wet?”

Kiri asks, rather harshly.

“Why do you cut your hair like that knowing your forehead is too big?”

“It astounds me how every day you talk about my forehead. Did you know they almost had to cut mom open because your head was so abnormally enormous??”

Lo’ak looks at my mom with incredulous eyes. 

“Ma she’s lying. Right?”

My mom evades any squander of the moment as she turns to duck under the divider flap to where  my parents slept.

“Ma’Jake, I’m going to change my top before we leave.”

Lo’ak falls to his knees, a dramatic anguished groan leaves him.

“Oh shit. I’m a freak. I’m a freak with a huge head.”

“You’re not a freak. You just have your fathers genes. I’m sure Jake was unusually large as well.” y/n comforts him, gesturing to my father.

“The hell I wasn’t.” My dad pipes up, trying to wrestle Tuk into sitting still.

Kiri shrugs, leaning against the wooden pillar to the side of the sheet as she fidgets with one of Y/n’s braids, standing behind her.

“I think we should banish Lo’ak for the attempted murder of the Tsahik daughter.”

I snicker, nudging Kiri 

“Mother would have joined eywa doing what she loved. Screaming at father.”

She laughed, tossing her head back.

Lo’ak’s jaw drops, he tries to speak but only a string of syllables come out.

“That’s not fucking fair.”

My dad glares at all three of us.

“Watch your mouth boy. And what did I say about plotting murder during dinner.”

Y/n blinks, tilting her head.

“We aren’t eating dinner.”

“I don’t give a damn-!

Okay, you know what? New rule. No discussing murder. Period.”

Kiri clicks her tongue, the usual gleam flickering across her irises.

“Can we discuss manslaughter?”

The sentence teases its own tone.

She places her palms against one another in a paring position before pointing them outwards towards my father.

Y/n mimics her.

“If we can’t discuss it can we at least plan one? Me and Kiri have already worked out a date and time.”

“And we have a target.”

Kiri adds, nodding confidently.

“For the love of god, I will put all of you on time out. And your grandmother can join you.”

My father threatens. Glaring at all of us.

Grandmother speaks as she slowly arises from her sitting spot on the floor, Lo’ak assisting her by holding her arm.

“Good. That will give me and the children time to plot against you.”

She speaks matter-of-factly.

I laugh, watching Tuk’s big eyes travel between my father and the rest of us as she tries to keep up with the conversation.

We all turn to see my mother as her figure is guided back through the divider, a new top now covering her chest.

It had flowers on it, delicately placed in a pattern over her breasts. Vines braided over her shoulders to hold the garment in place.

My fathers eyes take the shape of stars as he sees her, the sun setting outside and him both share a flicker of breath as she moves toward us.

“Are we ready?”

She asks, placing some of her braids behind her shoulder.

My father whistles, a hand coming up to cover the grin that etched its way onto his face.

“Goddamn. You look..”

“Like a pretty flower!”

Tuk chirps, clapping excitedly as she runs to my mother, hugging her waist.

“I was gonna say gorgeous, but yeah. That works too.”

Gorgeous. That’s the word I was looking for.

She giggles as she strides her way over to him, He takes a step behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist, another hand tracing circles in her hip.

“Y/n made this one.”

She murmurs, speaking quietly for my father.

“Do you like it?”

“Kids’ got taste. It’s stunning. Do a spin for me.”

My dad nods approvingly, Y/n feigns cockiness, posing and swaying her hips.

“Of course I have taste. The best there is, no doubt.”

Out of all of the fabrics, all the leaves and flowers and materials on the planet, I think her smile always looks the most stunning.

“You know who else has taste?”

My father whispers, clearly not quiet enough, the endnotes a purr.

My mother gasps, it twirls into a chuckle.

“Ma’Jake, the children are watching.”

“Kids, look away!”

My dad demands, kissing my mothers cheek as she squirms in his arms.

“Oh I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Kiri gags, clearly not fawning over my parents' affections the way y/n or tuk is.

My grandmother wedges herself between my parents, poking my fathers chest.

“Enough of this. It is time to depart. Before you both go and make another child I will have to deal with it.”

That was my fathers cue as he sighs dramatically, scooping up a squirming Tuk and twirling her around like a princess.

“Alright family let’s get going. Roll tide.”

“Roll tide!”

Tuk mimics my fathers lingo as we exit the tent, single file. 

Tuk scurries infront of me. Hopping vigorously to squeeze her way in between my parents as they walk ahead of us. 

Lo’ak and Kiri take turns bickering with grandmother, keeping their paces ahead of me.

I saunter off behind them. The cool air and dwindling distant conversations plexure in the atmosphere. Families talking, children laughing, all coalesce into a chorus that ceases its journey where the darkening night sky ends.

I turn as I feel a tap on my shoulder,

Big, doe-like gold eyes invade my gaze. Those eyes are my vice. My biggest sorrow and my greatest gift.

The auric hues captivate me. The gleam so picturesque the shadows run for shelter. 

She’s still wet from the river. The shine from the droplets define her features, tracing every curve, clinging to every dip.

I feel ensnared in her equivalent of hypnosis. The expanse of her throat, the coves of her eyelids, every inch of her has me infatuated.

She doesn’t look like she belongs here. Her features lack those of a mortal being in regularity. A deity you’d sacrifice yourself for in the form of a disguise.

“Oh— you.”

Oh wow. That must make women swoon. ‘Oh. You.’ Might as well have said ‘ew. It’s you.’

Pull yourself together!

She recoils, its so slight you might not have noticed it at all.

She’s nervous. 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to check up on you.”

Her steps find competence as they match my own. Her fingers lock together as she strides with them behind her back.

I awkwardly shuffle to keep pace with her.

“Oh, no. Please don’t apologize.”

I wave my hands stupidly, as if she’s hard of hearing and needs to have everything signaled. 

I clear my throat, clearing the hoarseness. Letting a silence settle before I realize what she’s said.

“You..wanted to check on me?”

She nods, her eyes meeting mine for a 

moment. She’s only a few inches shorter than me. It always reminds me of how she teased me when we were kids, saying I’d never catch up to her height. 

“Yeah. Well, I mean, I just…Lo’ak told me you were acting a little…off? This morning?”

Oh. You mean where you consumed every single one of my waking thoughts? This morning where I woke up still imaging you hugging me? This morning? Where I woke up stunned, paralyzed, drunken in enamorment of how on eywa’s green ground you could possibly be real when you have beauty of such extravagance?

“I have no idea what you speak of.”

I shrug,  crossing my arms over my chest.

She’s skeptical.

“Oh. I see.”

“Yup. Nothing wrong.”

“So, you weren’t moaning into a a fruit this morning?”

A who-was-moaning-into-a what?

“What are you talking about?”

She laughs, shaking her head.

“I just heard from a friend, that you were…excited for breakfast.”

Oh, the joy of having siblings.

I groan.

“No, that was a misunderstanding.”

She nods, trying to regain seriousness.

“Of course..I figured it was.”

Her cheeks puff slightly, harboring laughter.

I would probably be annoyed if it was anyone but her. and if her laugh wasn’t my favorite sound.

“Okay, you know what? It was early, I was tired-“

“Oh please. I’ve known you since you could walk. You’ve always been a morning person.”

I scoff, trying to pretend she wasn’t right.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Neteyam, I’m going to be your teacher soon. You should confide in me,”

Her arm accidentally brushes mine as we walk.

“So I should know if there’s something between you and that fruit that might interfere with your focus.”

I sigh, shaking my head, my tail gently swishing behind me.

“Say it with me now. Okay? 1..2..3…you’ve been spending too much time with Lo’ak.”

She chortles, recoiling at the sound.

I doesn’t phase me.

Not one bit.

“It’s the other way around.”

She argues.

“I can’t disagree. Last week I caught him wearing one of your armbands..”

“The one your father gifted me after completing my rites of passage?”

“Amber stones, arrowed weaving?”

She snaps her fingers.

“That’s the one! The bastard. I’ve been searching for weeks.”

I chuckle, catching a glimpse of her profile at the side of my gaze.

“I don’t blame him, you know.”

My voice carried a sincereness that seemed out of place with the conversation.

She looks at me, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“For looking up to you.”

She scoffs.

“Neteyam-“

“No. I’m serious.”

And as much as I regret cutting her off, the way she said my name, so tired, as if it was worn.

“You are one of the strongest warriors this clan has ever seen. I know that for a fact. I hear the way my parents speak of you. The way the people look at you, the way the children braid their hair to look like you. Everyone loves and admires you. I know for a fact I lov-“

She slows for a millisecond. That’s all it took to correct myself. Her steps only broke its pace as consciousness calculated on the ledge of what i knew so well I almost said.

“I love admiring you. I hope you know that.”

She shifts slightly, her fingers fidgeting with one another instead of being held behind her. I can tell my words are an impudent invasion that scratch and claw at the walls she’s built.

“You don’t have to say things like that.”

All I can do is smile.

“I wasn’t born with jesters privilege, I’m only saying what I know. I’m not glorifying you.”

And suddenly, i forgot the concept of boundaries.

I blame the aureate iridescence in the paradox of her irises. 

“You just don’t give yourself enough credit.”

She looks at me, confusion capturing her.

“What are you talking about?”

I shrug.

“You’ve saved lives. Protected our clan. Defended us against the sky people. What more can you ask of yourself?”

She stops walking this time. Her eyes staring straight ahead of us. 

Her head turns slowly to stare at me. It’s not a look of offense, or fear.

My hand reaches for her back, my palm placed against the small of it.

“It’s just something to think about.”

☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ ⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊ ⋆⁺ ‏𖦹  ₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ ☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ ⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊ ⋆⁺ ‏𖦹  ₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎

Y/n’s pov 

You stare at him as if he's shown you colors for the first time. Epiphanies impulse under your skin, their unwelcomed and you’re unprepared.

As you approach the large area where other clan members have already sat down with their families, sharing food and laughter, you find yourself wandering astray.

“Give yourself more credit.”

Credit for what? What did you do to deserve praise?

Protected others? It wasn’t a task. It was second nature. If you didn't, what else would they ate from you?

What were you if not the sword and shield? What would you become the day the war ended?

There was no credit to be given. There was nothing to be given because there was nothing left. Because you refuse to repeat your mistakes. To suffer at another’s hand, to suffocate under the wreckage of what was built only to be torn down. Cankered, tattered, stained fingers clutching at the flesh that stretched across your bones, bruises worn like badges of honor. 

You were afraid. So afraid of being sheltered and delicate. Being blinded and impetuous. 

“Y/n. Come sit with me.”

You feel an arm link with yours, and you catch Kiri at your side.

The stray braids that hung by her neck like vines from a canopy of verdant haven swung while she walked. She guides you out of your solivangant sondering.

Her gestures were laconic. Her eyes marbled over with a generous concern as she whisked you away, grabbing a wooden bowl for herself and one for you as well where they were being distributed.

“Are you alright, dear? You’re zoning out a ton.” She whispers, placing a hand on your back.

You shake every former thought from your head, washing your mind clean.

“No, it is nothing. It’s foolish.”

“It’s not foolish if it’s bothering you.”

She corrects, looking down as she gathers some meat onto her plate from the communal fire.

You shift on your feet, eyes trailing her movements.

“I’m fine. I just..suppose i haven’t eaten enough today. Its making me spacey and slow.”

She nods slowly, her tail lightly swishing behind her.

“Well then, take this plate.”

She hands you the plate she had just finished filling with roasted sturmbeast, and squares of yovo fruit.

You shake your head graciously, handing it back yo her mindlessly.

“Oh Kiri no– no this was yours.”

She scoffs, waving you off.

“I'm more than capable of making myself a new plate.”

She smiles at you, and the familiarity of it is a comfort. 

The frail dark bangs that wisped lightly above her eyebrows sweep subtly in the night breeze, the weightless braids that hang on the sides of her head swing softly, you reach your hands out and tuck a strand behind her ear, your fingertips grazing the subtle honey-oak streaks, a delicacy in your touch as if you were handling something a fragile as a flower petal.

“You’re so good to me.” Your tone was beatific, gentle.

She smiles smugly, dragging her fingers across where your collarbones rose and fell upon each drawn breath before handing you the plate once again.

“I’m keeping you alive and fed.”

Lo’ak peaks himself from behind kiri, his tail swishing.

“Kiri can you make my plate next?”

Her smile drops.

“No. Make your own damn plate.”

She rolls her eyes, grabbing another wooden piece to start piling with food for herself.

Lo’ak gawks, offended.

“You made Y/n’s no problem!”

“That’s because I like y/n. I tolerate you.”

You laugh as Kiri links her arm with yours, whisking you away to the large dwelling in the center of highcamp.

A large fire with meat cooking over it, and families scattered into their little circles and sat around the ground, people weaving in and out to reach their group.

Some families wave to you, calling out thanks as you walked, because it was you who had hunted the sturmbeest with neteyam they were eating now.

Kiri and you found a seat next to Mo’at. Neytiri, Lo’ak, Tuk, Neteyam, and Jake had not returned yet, so you 3 waited.

“Did you girls get everything you need?”

Mo’at asks, resting her hand atop her knee.

You nodded, taking a seat.

“Yes ma’tsahik. We did.”

There was an unspoken formality between you and Mo’at. Despite her knowing you since you were born. An implicit etiquette that’s been emplaced in you ever since childhood.

She reaches out for your arms, her nails scarcely printing tiny marks on your palm as she inspects your wrist and hand.

“Your cuts are healing.” She informs you, somehow knowing even though your incises from the day before are not visible anymore.

You figured the cuts you got from spider's mask would heal relatively quickly. However, the memories of the accident would leave a different kind of scar. 

You gently placed your hand back in your lap, your gaze only flicking away from Mo’at to see Tuk skipping towards your small sitting area with a bowl in her hand.

“The lake water might have sped up the process. It’s not bothering me, though. Just another couple cuts to add to my collection.”

Kiri giggles, nudging your arm.

“Another paint stroke to complete the masterpiece. Maybe we should hang you up next to tuk’s artwork.”

You snicker, making room for the smaller na’vi in question as she scurries to your side, snuggling herself in place next to you on the log.

“Healing cannot be rushed, child. Scars are more than just victories. It’s time you know that.”

Tuk gasps just as Neteyam, Lo’ak, and Neytiri find their places in the circle. 

She peers her head over your shoulder, looking down at your palm.

“It’s gonna be a scar??”

She blinked up at you with those big, disquieted, doleful eyes. She concernedly fumbled with your fingers, and you have to quickly gather her bowl into your lap with your other hand before it tips off her own with all of her movement.

“Oh no Tuk. I’m okay, love.” You kissed the top of her head, smiling at the way her nose twitched when you did.

“Do you want a kiss? To make it better.”

“Awh, sure. Thank you.”

She presses her lips to your bandaged palm.

“Mwah! All better.”  her sweet and stagey movements make you melt, proudly admiring her work.

“Thank you, Tuk-tuk.”

“Mhm.”

She sits back down, and you hand over her bowl.

She starts to eat, carefully picking the seeds out of her fruit slices.

“Are scars good or bad?”

She muffles through a mouthfull of juices.

Jake shrugs, leaning over to wipe the corners of her mouth with his thumb.

“Depends who you ask.”

Neytiri nods, her hand pressed to her chest briefly as she swallowed her bite before speaking.

‘Your father is correct. Scars are pieces of our memories. We carry them with us.”

“Nothing to be ashamed of, either. Back where i come from we wear our scars like badges of honor.”

Jake chimes in, setting his elbow on his knee, his back stretching forward.

Mo’at scoffed.

“Don’t listen to your father, children.”

Waving him off, she took a sip from her herbal tea. 

Jake frowned, wincing as if he were in a cramping-kinda pain.

“Oh, I think I just got a new one.”

“A what?”

Neytiri inquires, concerned, confused, placing a hand on her husbands back.

“A new scar?”

“From what?”

“My mother in law..agh, how she wounds me.”

Neytiri hisses, a smile breaking from her and my fathers lips. 

Mo’at is unamused.

Jake shakes his head as his laughter dies out.

“Come on, I mean, it’s symbolic.”

“Symbolic of what? Stupidity?”

Mo’at chuckled.

“Of bravery. Strength. Survival.”

Jake defies the Tsahik gently.

“Scars are cool.”

Lo’ak agrees half-mindedly, munching and speaking with a full mouth in a similar manner to Tuk.

“Look at y/n. Her scars are badass as fuck.”

You kept your head down. Stuck between accepting it as a compliment or perceiving it as pernicious.

“Lo’ak, we do not speak of others bodies.”

Neytiri sterns.

“Right, and how many times have i told you to watch that mouth.” 

Jake rebuked Lo’ak’s word choice rigorously, pinching the back of his neck lightly.

Lo’ak shrunk away from his touch, receiving it with nothing much than a scrunch of his face before continuing.

“Scars are like ways of saying ‘I got through it’. You know? I mean, I’d rather have a scar than the other alternatives.”

Neytiri opened her legs the slightest bit, propping up one crossed as she displayed the inner of her thigh. With delicate fingers, she traced over a darkened discoloration, a jagged scar that dragged across the surface.

“This scar appeared shortly after giving birth to Tuktirey.”

She explained, her tone soothing and benign. 

You leaned forward, getting a closer glimpse at it.

Tuk pouted, guilt striking her expression.

“I did that? I’m sorry.”

You gently drew her closer to your side, a small laugh that was horribly compressed left you.

“No, Tuk. You didn’t do it. Some mothers get them after having babies. It’s normal.”

You explained.

Neytiri nodded, smiling graciously at you for explaining so gently.

“That’s right. And it has been with me ever since that day. It’s a symbol. Like your father says. Celebrating the day of arrival for a gift in my life.”

She gently runs her slender fingers down Tuk’s cheek in an affectionate stroke, Tuk giggles at the sensation.

Jake took a swig from his cup.

“Hell, if that’s not strength, I don’t know what is. I know I sure as hell couldn’t do it.”

“Ew dad. We know. We know how the male body works.”

Kiri retorted, appalled.

“I’m surprised mom doesn’t have a scar from giving birth to Lo’ak and his big head.”

Neteyam mumbles into his cup, clearly not quietly enough.

A laugh was shared around the circle, even Neteyam shaking with chuckles as his head hung low for the moment.

Tuk looked at you, big eyes gleaming with curiosity.

“You have scars. Do you like them??”

The circle became silent for a moment.

“Tuk!”

Neytiri and Jake both hissed in unison, their tone hesitant, scold-like.

“Tuk, we don’t ask such things.”

Neteyam, always the 3rd parent, corrects softly.

Tuk glances back at you, the sully’s eyes tracking her gaze.

You shook your head, clearing your throat of the hoarsness.

“No, no. Its alright. I mean, we were talking about it, right? No harm in asking.”

You turned to tuk, your eyes softening at the sight of her.

“Most of them, yes. They are symbols, like your father says. Scars are like..stories. Every single one has a place of origin, epitomes of remaining unbroken.”

“I like this one.”

Tuk points to the scar on your shoulder, the zig-zag imprint that dragged across the plate of your acromion almost resembling lightning.

You smiled, letting her trace her smaller fingers over it.

“So do i.”

You whisper.

Neytiri smiles at the both of you. Her gaze holds its tender warmth, radiating its warmth like a sun ray washing your soul.

“My beautiful girls.” She coos, reaching out to kiss Tuk’s head and Tuk a braid behind your ear.

She turns to Kiri, side-gazing at Lo’ak and Neteyam.

“All of you are beautiful. No matter how many scars you have, you are all so much more than what lies on your skin.”

“We’re not beautiful Neteyam and I are stoic, unfeeling, we don’t have time for that.”

Lo’ak affirms, proudly slinging an arm around Neteyam, making him lurch to the side awkwardly, a couple of fruit slices roll off his plate due to the action.

“Lo’ak, my food.” Neteyam swats Lo’ak away.

Neytiri pouts, “No, both of my sons are beautiful.”

She grabs Neteyam’s face, peppering it with kisses before she does the same to Lo’ak.

Lo’ak groans, floundering in her hold.

“Ma, come on..stop..Okay, okay, stop. I’m not beautiful, I’m handsome.”

Neytiri taps his nose with her finger. “You’re both.”

 She giggles.

“You’re neither, you hell-raiser.”

Kiri hisses blatantly.

The air remained unscathed of burden as laughter simmered in the air, you found nepenthe with the Sully family, making the night seem so endless it could stretch into the stratosphere. 

»»———–➤𖤓☽꩜———–➤𖤓☽꩜———𖤓☽꩜———–➤»»———–𖤓☽꩜———»

You laughed as you spun Tuk around by her arms, the meaningless balter keeping her entertained her laughter.

“Again! Again!”

She laughs, jumping up and down, reaching up to be spun around again.

You smile, grabbing her arms.

“Okay, okay- ready? 1…2..3..”

Supporting her tightly by her forearms, you swing her around as her squeals of laughter flood your ears.

“Y/n, you up for a quick flight?”

It was Jake’s voice that beckoned your attention. You turned away from playing with tuk to see him gathering the wooden bowls in his arms to haul back to the sully’s tent.

“Right now?”

He nods, shifting the pile in his arms. “Yeah. I mean, do you have something planned?”

You can’t remember the last time Jake Sully willingly encouraged anyone in his family to go on ikran out after dark since the return of the Rda unless it was him and Neytiri for the occasional date night.

You turn to Neytiri,  who only gives Jake a pensive look.

“Will you be out late?”

He shakes his head.

“Of course not, baby. Just taking Y/n out for a little nighttime crusade.”

Neytiri nods, slowly and pensively as she hands the bowls in her hands over to Neteyam.

There’s a stretch of quiet that spreads through the air. High camp was settling down for the evening. Families gathering up their food and families and eating ware and retreating back to their tents and huts for rest. It was unusual to be out past that tim unless Jake had arranged a patrol group.

“Where are you guys even going this late?” Lo’ak queries intrepidly.  

Jake shrugs, starting to walk behind Mo’at, who held hands with Tuk and walked alongside Kiri back towards the sully’s tent.

“Just got something’s to discuss.”

Jake’s answers are succinct and ambiguous.

Neteyam rears himself closer to Jake, his steps carefully matching pace with his father as he carted the woven sack of sitting mats under his arm.

“Will you be discussing the next raid? I can accompany you both if needed, father.”

He glances at you preventively, as if desiring to shape himself into a shield around you.

Jake causally declined his offer, patting his shoulder supportively.

“I think we’re good for tonight, son. You can rest easy.”

Neteyam nods, but you can tell he’s chastened. Jake always kept Lo’ak and Neteyam in this constant cage that clipped their wings, keeping them away from the fighting.

But something tells you this wasn’t about raid planning, or even the war.

Jake hands the pile in his arms off to Kiri, who mumbles under her breath as she tries to catch up with Mo’at. He turns to you, “Y/n, why don’t you run along and gear up Kailo. I’ll meet you at the crevice in a few minutes.”

Before you could answer, Neytiri appears behind him, her eyes softening soothingly, her gaze condemning with concern.

“Please be safe. Both of you.”

She whispered, placing a hand on your cheek and reaching up to kiss Jake’s shoulder.

“Baby, nothing will happen to her or me as long as I’m there.”

Neytiri doesn’t seem consoled.

“Y/n, please keep an eye on him.”

She sighs.

You chuckle, letting her kiss your hairline.

“I promise.”

She cracks a small smile, Jake reaches for her palm. Ghosting her fingertips across her lip, kissing the heel of her palm.

As if committing the feel of her skin to memory, even if he’s not away from her for long.

“Don’t worry I’ll be back before you know it.”

He winks at her, his eyes drifting to the cinch of her waist.

“Ew gross.”

You recoil, scrunching up your nose at Jake.

He rolls his eyes, waving you off.

“Go. Get your ikran ready. I’ll be there in a bit.”

You nod, jogging off to the rookery where your clans ikrans resided.

The air tonight was warm. Undertones of a glass remnants and tattered clouds. You were halfway to the crevice, quieting yourself with your inner thoughts, when you paused at the call of your name.

“Y/n!”

A juvenile voice echoes behind you. High pitched and distinct.

You turn around, and a small Na’vi child comes into view. She has yellow feathers in her hair. A woven grass top and braids that reached her shoulder blades. 

Popiti. She was one of your students. She was apart of the group of children Makeyo and you taught archery lessons.

“Popiti! What are you doing here, evi’? (Child, affectionate.)

She scampered to you, wrapping her arms around your waist, smiling wide.

“She wanted to come say thank you.”

Another voice gathered your attention.

A taller Na’vi slowly sweeps her way out of the shadows. Tall. Feminine. Her steps were rushed. They lacked gracefulness. Her confidence was pure forgery, wearing a mask made of fool's gold and a fetish for mystique.

“Kyuna.”

You greeted, your face rather neutral.

Kyuna was only older than you by a year. Regardless of your age, you always surpassed her in most aspects.

Hunting?

She could never finish a hunt. Meanwhile you were dragging home freshly arrows skin-deep in a yerik.

Status?

Everyone is valued in your clan. That was a known fact. But it was you who was named the Olo’eyktan a strongest warrior.

You were stronger. Faster. Smarter. 

It made you feel a bit guilty, how often so many didn’t make any effort to make your transcendence discreet. 

She smiled at you. It was thin. Fake. Feigning any ounce of genuine decency.

“Popiti here wanted to thank you for y tonight’s meal. It was you who hunted the sturmbeast, right?”

You nodded, still stroking the top of Popiti’s head affectionately

“Yes. I was. It was my pleasure, Popiti.”

You smiled graciously down at the little girl who beamed up at you as if you were everything she ever wanted to become.

“When I get big, I’m going to be a warrior just like you. I’m gonna have a beautiful bow, with carvings and beads just like yours! And I’m gonna have-“

Your heart melts a bit as she rambles on, every word idolizing you.

A sudden hand on her head cuts her off. Kyuna pulls her closer in the opposite direction. Her ability to endure the nicety’s hanging by a thread. 

“Popiti, why don’t you run along home.”

Her smile pathetically conceals the bite in her tone.

“But I don’t know how-“

“Now.”

With a small, sad wave, the smaller Na’vi huffs and stomps away.

You tilt your head back up to Kyuna.

When your eyes met hers, you can tell she’s frustrated just by the mere sight of you.

You cleared your throat, trying to rid the awkward intermission from the air.

“It was nice of her to thank me in person. She’s a good kid.”

Kyuna’s arms remained crossed, her gaze distant, occupied with other things

“Mhm. I’m surprised you had time to see her, after all, you’re always busy with the Olo’eyktan or..or those Sully boys.”

Lo’ak and Neteyam were both men but whatever.

She clicks her tongue, raking your figure up and down.

You forced a laugh.

“Well, I am living with them after all.”

“And sleeping with them.”

You snap your head up. The comment a little too dour to be a meaningless joke.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh! Y/n, I’m sorry.”

She suddenly gasps, her hand flying to cover her mouth that hangs wide open like an animal expecting food.

“I would never mean it like that, I just meant that ever since the clan decided to come up here to the mountains, everybody’s tents became a little…disorganized. Right? You’re sleeping in a hammock with Lo’ak? So I’ve heard.”

You don’t know where the fuck she would even ‘hear’ that from.

You straightened, your patience running thin and your tolerance for jealousy incredibly low.

“It’s two separate hammocks woven together. We’re not sleeping ontop of one another.”

You elaborated, chuckling to yourself.

“Can you even imagine sleeping so close to one of them? Well, I’m sure some would want to imagine it.”

Your tone carried a clear enmity.

Her cheeks flushed, her tail swishing fervently behind her.

Shes nervous now. What happened to all of that confidence?

“Well, I hope I don’t strike you as someone who’s desperate.”

“Oh no, of course not. That’s what makes people so good at it.”

You smiled, locking your fingers together behind your back.

She’s stunned for a moment. Stilling as her imperceptible brain struggles to process everything that’s been said.

“Well, I must be going. I have to meet with the Olo’eyktan. But I wish you a good night, Kyuna.”

She snaps out of her daze.

“H-huh? Oh. Oh yes, good night, Y/n.”

She stares at you. A mix of awe and envy compete for sovereignty.

☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ ⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊ ⋆⁺ ‏𖦹  ₊⋆⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ 

“What are we doing here?”

You and Jake had flown into the night, and landed on one of the mountain tops, the flat rock making space for you both as he sat across from you.

“Have a seat, Y/n.”

You didn’t know why he had brought you there. And you were feeling anxious for n some unknown reason. When you left, Jake insisted you leave your bow and other weapons at home. He promised that you didn’t need them. But how could he know that? How can he possibly understand the stability you felt when those objects were near?

Death, chaos, war, grief, it didn’t wait for anyone. Ever.

“Am I in trouble?”

You asked, nervously shifting on your feet. The rest of the world seemed to drift farther and farther away.

“Y/n.”

“Because If I did something wrong, I can fix it. I promise.”

“Y/n.”

“Jake this is killing me just tell me why-“

“Y/n.”

You felt his large palms cup your biceps, holding you still.

“…yes?”

“Take a deep breath.”

He said softly.

You looked at him puzzled before inhaling in, holding it for a good 3 seconds then exhaling out.

“Attagirl. Are we calm now?”

You nodded, finally sitting across from him, crossing your legs.

He smiled at you, clearly proud of himself.

“Y/n, welcome to your very first therapy session.”

You begged the finest pardon?

You froze. 

Did you hear him right?

Therapy. The word sounded familiar. Then you remember that day he told you about it when you both went hunting.

Should you laugh? Be pissed? Both?

“What the hell are you talking about. Jake?”

He shrugged.

“Well, I’m no professional-“

“Clearly.”

“But I’d figured this would help with…”

He considers his next words, opting for gesturing to your entire self with his hands, 

“Jake, I love you. I really do. You’ve done so much for me over the years. But I’m about 2 minutes away from rocking your shit.”

Not paying any mind to the threat. Jake waves his arms, ridding your frustration from the air.

“You know what, let’s start over. And please. Just give this a chance, yeah?”

“Fine.”

Jake leaned back, locking his fingers together and resting them on his stomach.

“Usually this kind of thing starts with a simple introduction.

Hi, my name is Jake. And I will be your therapist this evening.”

“Jake you know my name.”

He nods.

“Maybe I know your name yes, but I’m here to know your soul and what energy you put out into the universe.”

“Are you stroking out? What the fuck are you talking about.”

He groans.

“Come on kid, bare with me.”

You sigh defeatedly.

“Okay. Okay. Hi. My name is y/n. And I’m an adrenaline addict. Better?”

“…well, we had to start somewhere.”

☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ ⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊ ⋆⁺𖦹₊⋆⁺☀︎₊

Authors note:

Stay hating Kyuna. Ik your itching like a bitch without your eczema cream ���🫶🏽

lol anyways, I hope you guys Enjoyed this chapter. It’s very rushed but I had so much writing sully family fluff. And starting next chapter, we’ll get into Neteyam starting his training with Y/n. And you best believe there is some tension 😌 also you’re gonna have mini therapy sessions with Jake from now on. Remember when they discussed that in chapter 3?? lol.

But I wanted to share a little life update with you guys. I hope you don’t mind. For those of you who don't know, I’m in a relationship. And yes, sme of you probably know him as the guy who was the victim of my cgi faces avatar experiment 🤭

GUYS YOUR GIRL GOT A PROMISE RING 🥳🥳

Now, I don't want anyone thinking I'm bragging or ‘rubbing it in others' faces)’…you guys are the first people I've told. I'm still in shock about it. The point of telling you guys this is that love is beautiful, and I don't think my writing can even begin to express the full extent of that. And one of the many things I love is writing for you guys. I know you guys have never met me and probably never will, and I'm just some person tapping away about blue aliens and posting my silly little rants from time to time, but please know that I appreciate all of you. Every single one of you who read, support, comment, like, repost, my anons, my followers, the friends I've made here, I hope I make you guys as happy as you all have made me. I can’t wait to share my fics and creations with all of you. One of the reasons I love writing for ‘y/n’ and reader inserts is because as someone who has read y/Insert fics, I know how special they can make us feel. So long rant short, I hope I make you guys feel like sexy, gorgeous, devastatingly beautiful, badass bitches yall are ☾⁺☀︎₊𖦹✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⁺☀︎₊ ⁺☀︎₊☾⁺☀︎₊ ⋆⁺𖦹₊⋆⁺☀︎₊

Taglist 🪐🌑🪻

@fluorynn (my guest of honor 👑)

@mntx666

@isnt-itstrange @thebestrouge

@bay7let

@fairuzwhat

@jackiehollanderr

@6423btw

@satesatesate2009

@0stargirl0

@heavenlysstuff

@dayyzlol

@iheartamajiki

@fluorynn

@bakugouswaif

@eljaynosine-triphosphate

@mojo-jojo-1

@strongheartneteyam

@hungrynessforfics

[tamelee]

pls bottom naruto is disgusting stop drawing this ooc cringe

Eh? And it hadn't even been a full day.

Anyway, do you know what this means?:

It means… that I don’t give a damn about your whiny gibberish about this top/bottom bullshit, because it sounds incredibly silly. (And wrong because I draw both?)

It’s fine to have a preference, good for you (I have one too!), but if all you care about between a character-dynamic is the single notion which establishes a rule within a fandom that demands only this particular dick in only that particular booty and nothing else, while dividing yourselves between "us and them" while seeing the people who like the same exact characters as your "enemy" and treating them as such— well, 

I have nothing to say to you, I couldn’t care less what you think about me and I don’t know you. 

But for the sake of other creators who are often a target also, some which I know quit because of this… there is a little something I'd like to say about these servers:

You don’t think I (we) know what is said in there and by who? 👀 That your rules of "what is said on here stays here" with a bunch of people online that you don't know, is actually respected? Why do you think I never join any. And bet your ass that I'm not the only one. This constant fighting between NS/SN is such an embarrassment for this fandom, seriously. I hope you realize that.

Because, instead of encouraging a (new) creator to share something about the characters you claim to love (for fucking free) you go off chastise them for not “doing it right”/“your way”, pretending it's some unspoken commission no one knew of or was paid for. Instead of being happy there’s still so much creative contribution for characters from a story that ended years ago, you go complain under fanfics and dishearten writers, often grinning away with your little server-“friends” and make fun of work someone poured their heart in. Or, you huff, puff and breathe fire as you make plans to cancel them out of pure bitterness, to the point (especially new) creators are too scared and dispirited to ever share anything again. It's easy to do anonymously, aye? And if you think that doesn’t affect their lives and sends them right back into a crestfallen pit of dark hell because it prevents them to do/share the single thing in life that gave them a bit of joy, then...

Congratulations; you’re a heartless bastard.

And you, as a fan, did yourself dirty too.

Do you know how many people don’t want to share anything at all for this fandom because you people leave comments, tags, asks, tweets constantly complaining about an incorrect portrayal of the (in your opinion) only acceptable dynamic, like a bunch a brats? Do you? Because I’ve talked to quite a few of these discouraged creators, they have to hope for the best and pray they’re spared from your scrutiny. I receive it from both sides every now and then.

Again, congratulations: you’re the reason there’s less chance of you getting what you want in the first place. 

Do you... really not realize?

The more you squabble with "your enemy" (lol) the more it affects the "us" you care about while the rest of us just bask in the glory that is SNS/NSN and couldn't care less about what you think/have to say. So, keep everyone else out of it and go mope elsewhere.

But, between you and me? There are better ways to share what you think is right. Make something yourself, because what's stopping you?

You’re perfectly capable, it doesn’t have to be art or a fic, maybe there’s just something in the story that you really enjoyed— write about it. Make a meta. Post the panel, show the moment that determined your undying love for this single dynamic and why— whatever.  Because, wouldn't it be nice having someone encourage you to create something you like? 😬 Especially because you and your server feel so strongly about it? And then you don't have to depend on others either?

Wouldn't it be nice?

Well?

Hm!?

Try it, ffs.

[sonic-takeover]

I just realized, I haven’t really introduced myself to everyone. I’m DK and I have a few questions and gifts for everyone.

Tails, I got you this Snap Circuits kit.

Have you ever messed with size change, like shrinking or growing people? What did you use it for?

Amy, I got you this hook thing to hold your hammer. Where did you get your hammer?

Knuckles, I got you these boxing gloves and punching bag. What’s the hardest thing you can break with a punch?

Shadow, remember that picture I found you in that Hello Kitty car? I found it on the TikTok Shop and I bought it for you and it should be at your house under your name in a few days. Anyways, I also got you some Air Jordans just in case the car was a scam.

Anyways, what kind of music do you listen to? Do you listen to any rap like Playboi Carti or Ken Carson, do you fool us with your tough personality and listen to Tyler, The Creator or SZA, or are you like me and listen to a little bit of everything?

Sonic, I got you a bunch of game consoles and all the Sonic games I could find at GameStop. Have you ever played any of your games? If you have, what would your favorite Sonic game be?

Sticks, I got you The Book of Bill since you like theories and paranormal stuff. Have you ever watched Gravity Falls? I feel like you might really connect with the show.

Eggman, I got you a therapist because you need one. Are you ok?

Orbot and Cubot, here’s $5000 towards your wedding planning. Blink twice if you need help.

I know I left a lot of people out because I’m fairly new to the Sonic fandom. I joined around when Sonic 3 came out. Once I learn more about the others, I’ll get more gifts for those characters.

Woahh, thanks for the kit, DK!! This looks like a lot of fun! Maybe I can integrate these circuits with a power converter and use it to boost the longevity of the Tornado's engine.. and yeah, I've made size changers before! I used it to prank Eggman. It uh... Backfired.. but it was still fun to build!

Thank you, D K! I will add these gifts to my training arena. I am a powerful echidna warrior. You dare question my limits?? I can punch boulders into pebbles and split cliffsides with my might!

...you didn't. You didn't. *He zooms outside and stares at the Hello Kitty car in the driveway* ....my car!! I... Don't know what to say... Thank you... And for the shoes as well. They're more comfortable than Sonic's usual shoes.

Pfft.. that's your car, Shads?

*he glares at him* ...I learned everything I know about the road in that car. Come back when you can drive.

I can drive~

While understanding and respecting road safety?

.........noooooo...

... Our first lesson is tomorrow. In that car.

You hate me so much, don't you.

Unfathomable loathing. Anyway, DK asked me what music I listen to. I enjoy several different genres, including rap and metal. But my favorite is um.. pop. Taylor Swift, Sabrina Carpenter, Chappelle Roan, Mitski..

Ooh, hell yeah!! Look at all these games! Tails, you know it's you and me bud.

Woo hoo!!

Oof, favorite game? That's... Tough. They all have their charm in different ways. The classics are, well, classic. The animation in Sonic Adventure 2? Cult classic. The mobile dash games are always fun. I like the free roam aspect of Frontiers. The Olympics games are always a blast.. frustrating, but a blast.. And the plot focus in Sonic X Shadow Generations? I can't pick just one!

Ahh the Book of Bill. So many secrets, so few pages. I have all the journals, you know. They don't have nearly as much information as I'd hoped. And of course I've seen Gravity Falls! Who do ya take me for?? It really makes you notice the conspiracies in our little town, too..

I already have a therapist and it's Agent Stone. But... I suppose I could use some professional support. And how dare you!! You already know the answer is no! Do you realize how much I miss my Mombot when she's away? *Sobs*

Oh my! This... I don't know what to say! Thank you! This will really help so much.

You're so nice! We only have a week before the wedding too so we kinda need it.

Yes, we... Underestimated the funds we would be allowed for our wedding, so... This is an incredible help.

We can hire back the doves!!

Indeed we can, my dear.

[sdmnpact]

˗ˏˋHow Harry met Y/N ˎˊ˗

Part 4

Harry: [12:37] Well next time, I'll be there and win because I'm the biggest brain in the lobby!"

Y/N: [12:38] clearly not but sure I believe in you 💀

Harry and I have been texting and calling eachother for the last couple of days since we last saw each other. He's been busy so we haven't had another chance to meet up but he made up for it by constantly texting me about literally everything. I think he just finds the opportunity to text me whatever is on his mind at any point of the day. I'm not complaining though, he is super funny and always brings interesting topics. Currently he is taking about the latest Sidemen Amongus video that he wasn't in. He thinks that he's the best player after Simon said he was better than Josh. I've been watching their Amongus videos because he told me to and I say he's a hit or miss but he's alright.

He actually asked me if I wanted to join a lobby in the future. I don't really post gaming to my channel but it could be nice to do something different. Usually I post makeup tutorials, mini vlogs, trying clothes from different websites- that sort of stuff. I actually do like playing video games but I never have people to play with since Jules isn't into them and Tom is always busy.

Anyways, I'm about to head out on a little shopping date with Jules since I want to buy some stuff for a video and we decided to make it a whole girls day. I haven't texted Jules much because every free chance I get, I am texting Harry. It's like we're two preteens that can't be apart for more than 2 seconds but sometimes the conversation is just that good.

Like he's been sending me memes and videos of his friends and telling me about them. He told me he wants me to come around to a sidemen shoot so I can meet the other boys. Do I have the will to meet more people? Not really but maybe it will be fun.

~~~

Once Jules arrived, I said my goodbye to Leroy as he was playing on his cat house with his favorite toy. We made our way out to Jules' car and began our trip to the shopping centre.

"So, anything new happen in the world of Harry and y/n!?" She asked looking at the road but giving me a little smirk. "Nothing so far, I mean we've barely been out once. He did invite me to hang out with him and his mates but I dont know. I don't want to hang out with a bunch of guys." I said looking out the window. It's a very cloudy day but this type of weather is so comforting.

"Well maybe their girlfriends will be there. You said most of them have girls."

"Yeah but now I have to meet a bunch of new people and.." I trailed off. I'm not exactly a people person. Like it's fine when it's a small group but a whole team in one afternoon is crazy. Not just that but they've been friends for a while and their girlfriends are all friends so they already have that sort of bond going. I feel I'll just ruin the vibe. "Exactly! Meet new people!! You can't stay in your little bubble forever!" She's right, she's always right. That is why I love her. She is always there for me and helps me get out of my slum all the time. I think I would be a recluse if it wasn't for Jules.

~~~

We did some shopping at the mall, going to various stores. I bought a couple of clothes all in orange. I'm planning on making another rainbow outfit. I have a series going on right now where I create five outfits each with the colors of the rainbow. This week, is orange so I have to plan five outfits that look semi decent. We were on our way to get smoothies when I got a phone call.

It was Harry. "Whats up?" I asked once I answered. "Look behind you." What? I turned around and saw him and two other guys. I hung up as we made our way towards them. He had this adorable smile on his face and his eyes were lit up. I hugged him and waved at his friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jules looking at me with content. I don't know why but I'll make sure to ask later.

"What are you doing here!?" I asked. "Just getting some stuff that I needed. Oh uh, y/n this is George and Chris." He said gesturing towards the two guys. "And boys this is Y/N and Jules" Harry said introducing us. "Nice to meet you- wait is this the George who left you at the party that night?" Jules said pointing at George.

Harry chuckled and nodded. "Okay, in my defense, it looked like Harry was having a good time. I was gonna wake him up but you two seemed to be having a little moment going, I had to let it go on. You should be thanking me actually-"

"-OKAY GEORGE, we get it" Harry said getting red in the cheeks. "Actually I am very appreciative of that so thank you George." I told him as I looked over at Harry smiling. "Ooo" "stop it" Harry said quickly as the boys began teasing him. "So, do you want to join us, we're about to grab some food-" Harry began but was cut off by Chris. "Actually, we've got to go now, I think we're pretty much finished here, I've got a meeting and I'm sure George has something. Right George!?" Chris said nudging George. "Oh yeah, business and all that." George said.

"And I've got to go as well! I have to meet Tom at ...Tescos... so we can... buy groceries.." Jules said sounding unsure in her words. "Isn't Tom at the-" I began, getting cut off. "No no, I have to go now!" She said as she took my bags and began walking away. "I'll drop these off at your flat tomorrow!" She said as George and Chris waved bye and left behind her.

Now it was just the two of us. "Well that was weird" Harry laughed. "I'm pretty sure they just wanted us to be alone. Pretty good friends if you ask me." I said with a chuckle.

We made our ways towards the food court, and he asked what I wanted then went to get our food. I watched as he stood in line, talked to the cashier and recieved the food. He is so pretty, I don't know why I feel so much affection towards him, I just adore him. Maybe I've been out of the game so long that I wanna hook up with the first guy that gives me their attention. I think this is more than a hookup, though. I want to start something with this man.

"Here you go." He said setting down the trays of food. "Thanks" I said as we began eating. "You have something on your face." I said gesturing to the spot. He tried wiping but kept missing. "Here, let me." I grabbed a napkin and wiped. It became a moment where we just stared into each other's eyes. He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed back but pulled away after a while since we were in public. I looked at him and we both laughed. "Well that was unexpected." He chuckled.

"It was nice."

[stinkypeanutbutter]

silly Aiden headcanons because I have no impulse

i probably already done these before in other headcanon posts I made but ermm I’ll do it again 😹

small TW for scars at the end 🗣🗣

AIDEN :

Aiden has the most unhinged playlist ever like oh my giggly goodness we got metal we got rock we got classic we got indie we got pop we got vocaloid Idfk whatever you can think of ( same 😹 )

totally had an immense phase of just everything . Creepy pasta , animation , FNAF , idk any other phases from 2016 help

Probably dated like once or twice , but they weren’t serious at ALL and mostly online . He just said yes because he wanted to be nice since he never really had friends ofc , so why hurt someone you barley know if it means getting a friend ? ( I’m gonna explode 😭 )

I’m not sure when this was actually invented , but he’d probably try and convince everyone to make battery acid candy drinks . ( they all say no 😔 )

Sorta sad headcanon they if no matter how hard to tries to solve a difficult puzzle , and he fails , he just starts silently bawling his eyes out . Cause you know he’s really good at them right ? He can solve them pretty quickly ? So if he’s like absolutely pressured by a bunch of people watching expecting him to win ( or like his friends cause yk they believe in him !!!! ) and he can’t solve the puzzle he’ll be like “ why can’t I solve this why is this hard why am I failing “ or something and then start crying ig ( Yeouchers angst 😿 )

Bro is the heaviest napper ever you can stack things on him for HOURS but the moment he actually sleeps most things can wake him ( if he’s not comfortable at least . He’ll sleep pretty well at sleepovers )

I can’t figure out an art style for him but I updated it so ignore that last drawing it’s grody anyway he sometimes draws people but prefers just random splotches of color . He has extremely stylized art but yk , it’s just ‘ weird ’ according to some people since it’s really . . graphic . Not in a BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD way but very mixed ( if you get what I mean )

Hugs everything when he sleeps you can’t tell me otherwise like you seen his old bed ?? He had NOTHIN so absolutely is he gonna cuddle everything near him

Hates competing . ( idk if he did it before but we’ll see ) like he doesn’t like doing puzzle competitions anymore that much , he just got bored of it and was really kinda forced to do it when he was younger . BUT if it’s in a game against his friends , he’ll probably do it just to help them out cause they always get stuck if Logan can’t figure it out either .

Does that thing with music where If it absolutely hits he just starts spazzing out and dances to it

that one thing where he walks around in a circle talking to himself if he’s really deep in thought ( he could go on for hours so someone has to pull him out to drink water at least )

TONS of posters in his room

Him and Taylor binge shows together , often ask the others to join when they aren’t busy . They totally watch anime ( Tyler calls it childish then gets really invested in uhhhh let’s say full metal alchemist and sport animes like haikyuu or something I can’t think of any he’d like . But I’m gonna make them all watch Ghost stories because it’s funny )

Aidlyn cuddling is mostly done at Aidens house cause his parents rarely go up to check on him ( 😅💥 ) and also he had a ton of blankets for Ashlyn to wrap herself in . He got her a heavy weighted blanket for her birthday one time so when that’s not around she just uses Aiden as a blanket if she’s feeling affectionate ( he’s warm in the winter time and pretty light believe it or not )

Has a medium spice tolerance , eats more then what he can handle like a stinky loser

doesn’t like anyone pointing out his growing hair roots so just don’t talk about it much 😅😅

steals chopsticks from restaurants cause who needs to buy any ??? They’re free if you don’t get caught / hj

sometimes just locks himself up in his room and lays in his bed thinking about life

LOVES drawing his friends ( especially Ash ) in his free time because he rarely draws in front of people , and will make an airplane out of it to throw it over to them . But he has that mentality where “ Everyrhing I make kinda sucks “ so expect to find doodles in the trash or hidden in his room

IPad kid , can’t tel me otherwise .

Loves hover boarding but he kinda sucks at it so he just 🧍🕺☠️ ( falls )

Will ram into everyone in bumper cars , almost sent someone flying ( Lilly , he bought her candy as a sorry )

rarely catches cavities because he actually has really strong teeth and willingly bites down on hard candies ( I do the same thing because I’m impatient 😹 )

Does all his school work at home cause school has too many distractions ( real )

Buys like body foundation to smear onto his legs and arms . He doesn’t want anyone to point out them out , and if they do he just tells them their from skateboarding . It can come off after a few days if he doesn’t reapply , but it’s fine since he does it again in between and would have to reapply anyway . Idk how it works 😿

Anyway who shall I do next ????? Put your answers in the comment section below subscribe like and support my Patreon see you in the next video 😹😹😹☝️☝️💥💥

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Films of 2024

Hello all you happy people! This is something i've wanted to do for YEARS, and finally had the space for, a look at my faviorite films each year. I love making lists and since joining Letterboxd a few years ago it's thorughly endulged that love. But it also got me to fall in love with film and made my journey through horror that started with IT and is still ongoing a blast.

2024 was a neat year in film, and one where a lot of the big tentpole franchises were absent and while we got a bunch of sequels, it's a weird mix of ones that were ineveitble like Deadpool and Wolverine, Maxxine, a new alien, sonic 3, and weird suprises: I mean this year gave us an omen prequel, a soft reboot of planet of the apes, the return of twister and beetlejuice, and the grand return of Wallace and Gromit. For every sequel that was fortold in the scrolls, there was one that while announced long ago still felt like a suprise.

And that's the best way to describe this year: a nice suprise. While ther'es films I expected tobe great and were like Monkey Man or Dune part 2, there's a lot of nice little suprises: I didn't expect Transformers One to be a gorgeous epic, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice ot be so damn fun, or Wicked to be every bit as good as a John M Chu film deserves to be. And I don't think anyone who wasn't already aware of it expected hundreds of beavers, but damn if I didn't enjoy it.

Speaking of enjoying, I got to enjoy more films than ever. In years past I had to rely on having someone to go with me, usually my mom, the rest of my family on a whole family outing or my best friend cory. But having moved to a place close to a movie theater last year, there were plenty I could just go walk up to and enjoy. There are a few also rans like Imaginary, the worst film of the year I saw (I havne't put myself through the sony spider-man films from this year yet), or the disapointing ministry of ungentlemanly warefare, but I also got to see the gloriously gay Love Lies Bleeding when it was there for the week, the moody and atmosphereic the watchers, the also pretty dang gay the bikedriders, the wonderfully greasy Maxxine, the tense as hell Alien Romulus, the even more disturbing now we know it was a documentary about P.Diddy Blink Twice, the glorious and once again gloriously gay Transformers One, the thriller that was better than it had any right to be speak no evil, the Hugh Grantastic Heretic, and of course Sonic 3: 2 Many Jim Carries.

It was a hell of a year and while you can see what I choose you can find out who made it where on the list , honorable mentions, and other reasons to hurl things at me if you ever meet me under the cut!

12. Will and Harper (Directed by Josh Greenbaum)

Will and Harper is a film that thrives off vibes, friendships, and genuine warmth. It follows Will Ferrel who you may know from such films as Anchorman, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues and Anchorman 3: We Both Know He's Going to Do This At Some Point and his best friend Harper Steele. Harper was a writer for him on SNL a hard drinking party person.. and a closted Trans woman, something they finally came to terms with and came out as recently and something the documentary dives into.

Will's first response is what anyone's first response should be: That's great! Good for you. But while Will is entirely supportive he's also lost in both how to be a good ally and and how to tackle their friendship so he has a wonderful suggestion: a road trip. Harper loved doing those but now has to navigate the relaity of going to roadside dives and other places where she may not feel safe and jumps at the idea, packing tons of cheep beer and pringles.

The trip is a fun one as it dosen't overplay it.. it just.. humanizes and goes into the reality of Harper's life: how free she feels, how her kids feels, and just treats her like a person. It dosen't ignore the reality of being a trans person in a company on the cusp for voting a transphobic facist back into office, Harper goes into a bar herself knowing she might be in danger but wanting to see if she can (And having her emotinal support will ferrel on standbye) and even HAVING will there or a camera crew dosen't protect her: a visit to a texas steak house goes horribly wrong with Will assering her gender.. leading ot everyone turning on him, tons of horrible online comments and the implicit guarnatee the cameras , while protecting them, were barely doing that for a change and WIll feeling guilty.

Harper Steele isn't a purse dog. She's not Will Ferrel's trans friend to say she has one. She's a human being and despite being not as famous as her best friend, the film treats them on equal footing and shows why they are: they rib each other, make jokes, have weird runners (including Will really wanting to go to Dunkin in a way that feels less like product placement and more like Will Ferrel just loves duncan donuts). Harper is a no nonsense woman happy to live her life and to see she can still do the things she loves, while Will is the good natured goofus you'd expect from a man whose spent a scene every movie or two running around in his undies. Harper is both not who will knew and exactly every bit the person he knew, simply a happier fuller version of herself. It's simply two friends hanging out and in doing so shows to people who may of rejected Harper out of hands what most of you reading this already knows: Trans people are just.. people. Nothing less and treating them like anyone else isn't that hard. Nor is it hard to support someone as they transition. You just have to be willing to learn and willing to see them as who they really are. I did it for my sister, and Will Ferrel did it for his best friend.

11. Wallace and Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl (Directed by Merlin Crossingham and Nick Park, W by Mark Burton)

I reviewed this one just a few days ago so I won't take long here: Vengance Most Fowl is a fun long awaited return of everyone's faviorite duo packed with a masterfull thought out plot, tons of call backs that feel nicely seeded in for more than just nostalgia, and some really damn fine jokes. Check it out if you haven't. In a year this bad it was the cup of tea we all needed.

10. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (Directed by Wes Ball, Written by Josh Friedman) This is one of those trailers i got in front of damn near everything, similar to Speak No Evil for the rest of the year. And like Speak No Evil despite trailer fatigue this film fucking slapped. Kingdom is a breathtaking adventure mostly content to just show off it's world: generations after the previous trilogy, itself a high bar that this flim clears, Apes rule over the earth, Ceaser is but a legend and one young ape finds his entire villiage kidnapped and takes off on horseback to go find him. Along the way he finds a human friend, tales of the past, and the hard truth that the past rarely stays buried and conflict is sadly cyclical. I won't spoil much more for this one if you haven't seen it. It's a gorgeous little odessy that just warms my heart every time I think of it with vial lessons on history and how it can be twisted by both those with good intentions and those with the worst and how some will always think something belongs only to them. It's a fantastic film and a fantastic new direction for a franchise I wasn't sure should keep going but damn if Wes Ball proved me wrong.

9. Wicked (DR: John M Chu, W: Winnie Holzman and Dana Fox) Wicked was the loudest suprise of the year. I knew it was coming and as it approached barely any films didn't have the trailer, the marketing was everywhere but I wasn't expecting much. I HOPED it'd be good as director John M Chu had previously directed one of my faviorite films, In the Heights.. which I just realized I haven't revisited since it came out AND need to review sometime.

But thanks to WBD's bungling was criminally underappreciated at release. Thankfully Chu's success here means not only will more people likely check it out but the man can do whatever he wants. Whatever he wants apparently includes Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for some reason but I mean... if anyone can get me to watch that it's him.

I liked him. I like Ariana Grande (Least as a performer), Michelle Yeoh and i'll watch anything with Jeff Goldblum. But the idea of sitting through a nearly three hour musical based on a musical I had no attachment to beyond defying gravity and a love of it's initial leads (Who get a truly god tier cameo I won't spoil), and a property I really never vibed with in general aside from thinking The Great and Powerful Oz was kinda okay. It seemed like it'd be FINE, but it didn't seem like the successor I really wanted after enjoying his direction for Crazy Rich Asians and ADORING In the Heights.

Yeah Wicked is fucking phenominal. A lot of it is in it's not so secret weapon, Cynthia Ervio. While I hadn't heard of her she was already well seasoned having done tons of stage work, and been nominated for an oscar for playing Harriet Tubman. It shows as she sinks into Elphelba beautifully, portraying someone both not giving a fuck what everyone thinks.. but also underneath deeply bothered by how her green skin ostracises her from the world. Ervio is a fucking revelation and i'm shocked it took this long for her to break out but better late than never as she owns this film.

Ariana Grande dosen't do too shabby either, making it clear no one else in this day and age could play Glinda with the right mix of alpha bitch, bubble headeness and big heart hidden underneath both. Everyone in this film brings it but these two are it's anchor: it's their story after all and everything rotates around them. Still special kudos to Peter Dinklage who like Jeff Goldblum could get me to watch anything and Dinklage has been in a LOT of garbage.. that i'd still watch. He may only voice professor dillamond but he brings dignity and majesty to the goat and makes the plight of the animals all too painful and real.. and given the times we're in a group being slowly shoved out to slowly elimated them because of one man's prejudice is all too painfully relevant.

I hadn't heard of Jonathan Bailey but damn if he dosen't ooze charm, sex and hidden depths. You can tell from early on his playboy facade is a bit of a put on, something to protect him from the world.. and something slowly slipping as he finds someone who rather than let him dance through life, has him think.

There's a LOT to say about this film I might one day. For now it's just fucking brilliant. It's a film that justfies the split into two films, something that would hurt a lot of musicals and why most have to be compressed into one film, but here works. Not just because of a time skip I hear comes in act 2, but to build out this gorgeous world. The musical numbers aren't super spread out so you don't forget i'ts a musical but the extra time is used to give everything some depth and color. And also even more gay than the apparent truckload already there. This film is gay as fuck and comes off as a love triangle between three people all in love with each other and also Bok's there but doesn't really count. It's a film that's queer, timely and lovely and if you somehow haven't tried it, it's well worth the time investment. If a film that's very sapphic and has peter dinklage as a wise sad goat isn't for you I dont' know how you ended up here.

8. Saturday Night (DR: Jason Reitman W: Reitman and Gil Kenan)

It's the 50th anniversary of SNL this year and the celebration started early with a powerhouse season that includes the greatest song about karening ever

It also contained this film. And while some haven't enjoyed it (Including one of my idols and snl expert Nathan Rabin), I couldn't help but love this film. Is Saturday Night historically innacurate as fuck? Probably. It squeezes in every antecdote about the show's history it can into the 90 minutes before it went live, adds shit for drama and definitely mythologizes the show. The only thing I can say for certain is Chevy Chase was defintely an asshole and that's not exactly something hard to get conformation on.

As a film though.. it's straight fire. It's a pressurey 90 minutes as John Baptistes perfect soundtrack really sells the pressure: our hero Lorne Micheals, a truly once in a lifetime sentence, has to cobble the show together clashing with his own overwrought vision, tension with his creative partner and wife in name only Rosie (played by an awesome Rachel Senoit whose films I'm long overdue to watch) and the various shenanigans of his casts and writers from Micheal Odonghue being that asshole, to Chevy Chase's massive ego, to John Belshi beliving he's too good for this, there's lot of egos, cocaine and chaos to go around. It's a tight 90 minute film: not a minute is wasted. Even squeezing Milton Burle in to play off his infamous hosting gig feels right.. mainly because it's JK Simmons. JK Simmons can do no wrong.

The film does do some. While the historicla innacuracy dosen't bother me how it brushes off their treatment of Jim Henson at times is. I've covered the Land of Gorch Sketches and sadly reports Jim would be a punchine were accurate as the cast mistreating him, refusing to write for him and being dicks to him is just kinda played off when them having to write for him was not Jim's fault. It's not fun watching a bunch of dickheads bully or brush off your own personal jesus who just wants to make people happy. Thankfully he does get a really nice monologue in an elevator with a blood soaked lorne micheals so it evens out a little.

The film is just fun with Lemone Morris getting a nice bit as Garret Morris , and tons of nice little moments among the chaos. It also has Willam Defoe whose a tad wasted as "grumpy exec man they convince their right to", but I feel less bad about it by this point as thankfully someone else knew how to use their Willam Defoe better. It'd be really neat if that was the next entry but instead have...

7. Hundreds of Beavers (DR: Mike Chesik W: Chesik and Ryland Brickson Cole Tews)

Hundreds of Beavers was a nice suprise.. and a film i'm shocked no one told about me sooner. It's essentially a looney tunes sketch mixed with a lets play and a silent movie, a genre the film made me genuinely curious about. My love of looney tunes and impatient wait for a new film (which we'll be getting next year), made this an easy sell: I love good old slapstick and an ambitious indie film that was screened in 2022 but properly came out this year so i'm countin it for this one suck it letterboxd, it was catnip for me.

And it's damn good. Also free on Tubi. It's a simple story: a hapless applejack bootleger in pioneer times looses his booze to some beavers and has to survive in the wilderness and learn to hunt. That's the film. Just one dumbass trying to survive against a whole wilderness of creatures smarter than him and slowly ranking up as he gets more tools either from a local furrier who hates him (his daughter's sweet on our hero at least), a native who gladly trades with him or a wise mentor whose dogs play poker. The film is packed with great sight gags, runners and just plane invention. Ther'es truly nothing like it and had the castle bit not dragged a little, it'd be way higher. And that's the faintest critcism I can give. Hundreds of Beavers is fucking awesome and makes a dumbass fighting a bunch of animals represneted by furries into the greatest thing ever. It's the best comedy in years and proof the medium just needs more of a push.

6. Nosferatu (D and W: Robbert Eggers)

I hadn't seen any of Robbert Eggers films before this, but I love me a good vampire story. I also liked this year's Abbigail and need to watch more vampy goodness in general, but damn if Nosferatu didn't end this year on a high and finally push me to stop procastinating on the Lighthouse. I mean I still haven't got to it but i'm a slow ass motherfucker sometimes.

I waited to see if this flim made the list, as while I missed many a great film in 2024 I need to catch up on (Longlegs, I Saw the TV Glow, The Substance), this thankfully wasn't one of them. Nosferatu is a gothic horror film in every since, a slow build that's worth it. Having watched the kill count on the original (and now badly wanting to watch the original) it follows it closely plot wise, adding a few pivots like adding in it's own van helsing equivlent.

Nosferatu is a moody, horny film, where a dark monster stalks a woman he claimed years ago when she was a teen and dosen't get how fucking vile that is. There's some fucking, a lot of gyration and a lot of morphine for said gyration because this is the turn of the century and women having orgasms was dark and scary to the menfolk. Except Willam Defoe who eats the entire set as the aformentiond Van Helsing Equilvent who is unabashed about beliving a demon did this and gets to dance in flame towards the climax. I won't ruin the context, but I belivie anyone who wouldn't be at least midlly curious about William Defoe cackling madly while surrounded by flames just plain dosen't exist.

Defoe though is a good side dish: the main stars are Lily Rose Depp, who spends the first half comotose, being stalked by Nosferatu (aka count orlock but nosferatu is funner to type), giving out sleep orgasms or being possesed by the count, but gets to stand up for herself in the second half brilliantly and thorughly owns the screen.

The other is horror legend Bill Skaarsgard of IT fame who manages to rack up another iconic horror role. Nosferatu here isn't a man despite an impressive mustache, but pure evil itself, a type of character that's hard to pull off. I prefer a complex villian.. but if you can make one that's just pure pants wetting terror and pull if off you have my repspect and Nosferatu is the most terrifying villian i've encountered in horror. A deep rich voice that commands you to look even when you'd rather look away, a hypnotic horrifying voice. He's often in shadow but when seen he's often a corpse, a THING with the ears and silloutte, something that APPEARS human but instead jsut preys on us. He only cares about getting what he claims is his and will murder , spread plauge and kill anyone who says otherwise.

Thankfullyt he film avoids being anti immigrant propogranda; the supserstious townsfolk seen as goofy little guys in most films are absolutely right and while terrifed of Orlok the only ones who can combat him, while Willem Defoe's character is also an immigrant and the only one of the men who dosne't infantalize lead lady elizabeth. Nosferatu isn't pure evil because he's a corpse man but because he himself as man, as a vampire is a bastard, a true monster and pure terror. Every time he was on screen I was uncomfortable and needed to leave the theater after at least twice. Skaarsgard is just that fucking chilling.

Nosferatu is a film that's both deeply gorgeous, with tons of snow dappled vistas and god tier shots, and not afraid to be hammy with our reinfeld equilvent being a world class ham and Defoe .. well I mentioned the shouting while surrounded by flames didn't I? This film is still in theaters at the time of this review and well worth the 15 bucks.

5. Dune Part Two (DR: Dennis Villenueve W: Villenueve and John Spaihts)

I was amped for Dune Part Two and it did not disapoint. I had some reservations as while I liked the scope and grandeure of part one with fantastic visuals and a deft peformance by Timothee Chalamet. But while I liked it both watching it at home day and date and the reptitive desert visuals in the second half detracted from it's strong world that even if it didn't explain it, felt lived in and intresting enough for me to come back.

And i'm glad I did as Part 2 is fucking triumpuhant, easily earning Villeneuve his third movie and hopefully his second oscar nomination. Part 2 takes the excellent setup from the first time around and gets off running turning what could easily be both a chosen one narrative and a whtie savior narrative into a deconstruction of both: this skinny white teenager coming in and being their messiah isn't a good thing for him or them. It's a roll he dosen't want as Paul has seen it ends in an interstellar genocide, a Jihad with no end that brings peace through tyranny.

And that dread is what drives the film: Paul badly wants to avoid being a mass murderer. As you do. But outside of his girlfriend Chani, played excellently by Zendaya who gets to do way more this go round and plays the sole voice of reason, everyone from his mother to his new best friend to even his mentor are begging him to escalate the war: to end the Harkkonens and the Empire. It's a pile of motherly protectivness, cultish religious fevor and pure uncut vengance that pushes Paul closer and closer to his dark fate. It's what happens when the chosen ones path isn't saving the world or being a bright hero.. but being death destroyer of worlds.

The rest isn't too shabby. Florence Pugh gets a lot of neat stuff to do as Irulan while Austin Butler won my enternal respect as the bestial, horrifying and nightmarish Fade Rathua, with the arena scene being peak film for me. Part 2 is a masterful work that manages to make what would be hopeful in any othe rfilm, our hero ascending and getting ready to fight his enemies, into a true nightmare as he fully succumbs to a bloody genocide and Chalamee makes it a truly chilling finale that will no doubt lead to a perfect conclusion to this trilogy.

4. The Fall Guy (D: David Leitch, W: Drew Pierce)

The Fall Guy's failure at the box office is the biggest box office tragedy for me since In the Heights... it wouldn't be the last one for me this year either. For whatever reason, Audiences just didn't go see this one despite a dynamite cast and David Leitch's excellent track record. It's failure still baffles me as the Fall Guy is a perfectly made action comedy.

The Fall Guy is at once a romantic comedy about a loveable himbo who after a massive tragedy ghosts the love of his life and now has to win her back after his agent tricks him into working on her directoral debut. Add in Hannah Waddingham as said manipulative agent Bryan Tyree henry as his best friend, stunt cordinator and for part of the film sidekick, a good boy he finds along the way and adopts, and Aaron Taylor Johnson as the arrogant star of the film he has to find to save it and you have a true comedy classic that also kicks loads of ass. The stunts are all excellent, owning to Leitch's own stunt background while also being reverent to the sheer work it takes to make a blockbluster. It's a blockbuster about the craft and a love letter to all the people we rarely think about who make our faviorite films. It's funny, action packed and has Ryan Gosling in another amazing performance after Ken. It dosen't top Ken, there's no grand musical number for unless you count sobbing out taylor swift in his car, but it's a tremendous film that i'll defintely watch again. It may of not won the box office's hearts but it certainly won mine.

3. The Wild Robot (D and W: Chris Sanders)

Now for a film that got the box office it deserved and more. The Wild Robot was a film I was worried about once I realized "Wait the animals talk".. and then realized I was stupid for that as not only are talking animals rad, but the film ended up being a gorgeous fable about an autistic coded Robot's journey to find herself while raising a duckling she orphaned with her common law husband whose also a fox but is also Pedro Pascal so he defintely fucks.

The Wild Robot is a simple story told gorgeously, with painted cgi that really adds to that storyboook vibe, giving the film a look that just takes hold of you. Full disclosure: I missed a chunk of the early part of the film because I stupidly didn't get my concesions durin gthe previews, and I still loved this film and will happily rewatch it when it streams this week. It's a gentle, amazing tale about accepting our diffrences, finding yourself and letting go of your child so they can find themselves. There are so many layers to this thing and it more than deserves a full review at some point. Lupita Nyongo gives a career best performance, and the ending sets us up for a sequel that we're thankfully getting. It was a gamble.. but it paid off and in any other year it might've been the best animated film of the year, certainly the best film starring robots... however

2. Transformers ONE (DR: by Josh Cooley, W by Eric Pearson, Andrew Berrar and Gabriel Ferrari)

This one's going to hopefully be brief as I wrote a LENGTHY review of this masterpiece when it came out. I went into ONE with mildly positive expectations and came out of it utterly floored. One is an epic tale of love, loss, fighting against a society that uses you, finding yourself (I Know, again), and two friends and probably lovers divdied by their nature and the truth of their world. It's a fucking masterpiece and i've said that before on this list i'm sure but this is true. It's a shame even more than Fall Guy this one flopped as it wasn't it's fault: unlike Rise of the Beasts and the long string of live action failures (bumblbeee excluded) , this film is everything transformers can and should be and while it didn't succeed the way it shoudl've, it'll forever hold as a classic, a shining sci fi epic in the old style but with modern writing. It's a gorgeous masterwork that begs to be watched again and again and uses familiar frameworks to tell a film that made me feel like a kid again. It's what the star wars prequels felt like as a kid instead of what they are. It's so dang good.

So before we get to the one film that could topple something this perfect the honorable mentions

Honorable Mentions:

Maxxine: Plotwise i'ts a bit of a mess but this film thrives on vibes and still closes out the trilogy on a high note. Goth once again delivers an astounding perfomrance. Plus it has Kevin Bacon as a sleazy detective really loving his villian era.

Heretic: Speaking of Villian eras Hugh Grant plays the emobidment of intellectual superiorist assholes to a hilt, being both creepy and intemidating but also letting cracks show in his intellegence and era of menace and superiority like imitating jar jar binks, being that guy whose mad someone dosen't get his refrence and freestyling to Radiohead's creep.

Speak No Evil: Look i'ts James Macavoy, my macaboy, as an uhinged serial killer trapping people with politness who also loudly belts Gloria. I'm not made of stone

Big City Greens; Spacecation: Another one I reviewe d in full and one that was very close to actually making the list a few times. A cult classic in the making. Check it out even if you haven't seen the show.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga; Beautifully shot with an all time performance from both Taylor-Joy and Hemsworth. A true odessy.

Inside Out 2: how it was made was throughly shitty and Disney needs to stop treating Pixar like shit, and trans people. And queer people in general. And just people. A good film despite Disney sucking hard

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice: Is this film a bunch of plots loosely connected by a paperclip and a piece of string? Yes. Does it have Willam Defoe as a cheesy 80's actor whose now a cop for real but still acts like a cheesy character actor? Fuck yes. It's got a stacked cast, great jokes and a great way out of using a pedophile's likeness. It's a messy good time.

Abigail: A bit slow to start but damn does it land. radio silence really cannot make a bad film.

The First Omen: Good intense gripping stuff. Far surpasses the original.

LOTR: War of the Rohirrim: Look there should be more films where , Brian Cox punches a lot of people to death with his bare hands.

Wicked Little Letters: Lower on my list but damn did this one become a sneaky good time.

Alien Romulus: Got me into the alien franchise again. nuff said

So onto our grand winner...

1... Monkey Man ( DR: Dev Patel, W: Patel, Paul Angunawela and John Colee)

This film has held a grip on me since I watched it and is one I badly need to rewatch again. Monkey Man is a film that holds you the whole time even when you take a break, an intense film that never lets you leave our hero or his situation: The Kid is a downtrodden young waiter and fighter who can take a thousand hits and get back up and wants vengance on the elite motherfuckers who burned down his villiage, killed his mom. It's a simple motivation but you can feel that flame the whole time as he works his way up, how he carefully plots his revenge.. only for it to go sideways. Yet it's what drives him at first. It's only by finding fellow outcasts in a group of Hiraja, indian trans and intergender (and according to wikipedia eunchs), who gladly let him train... mostly because he looks damn good with a shirt off but also because their kind and he returns that kindness to save their temple before resuming the rampage.

The plot is simple.. thredbear.. but it works on pure emotion. You follow the kid thorugh every step, every beat as he punches, gets punched and stabbed, trains and then goes back for the grand finale with an army of new friends showing up to back his ass up. It's a film with a lot to say, teaching me a lot about indias inequality and issues and showing sometimes when gradual change won't work, one person can make that change by any means necessary. It's a film with a lot to say, while also being a visual treat. This is Patel's first time directing but youc annot tell with frantic perfect cuts, dripping neon atmosphere and tons of fantastic set pieces. Monkey Man dosen't stop burning till the last frame and won't stop burning in my heart. It's a film taking queues from many , some I'v eseen some I haven't, but all it's own. It's a tale of social justice wrapped in two savage fists and I'm all here for it. More please mr patel.

Thanks for reading, and remember, i'm pullin for ya we're all in this together.

[lil-lost-mind]

(This is a bit of a along post about my general experience in the qsmp fandom, both good and bad, and it does mention xenophobia but not direct experiences)

I'm happy to see people here being so nice and reminding that we(Brazilians) are welcome here

I was really hesitant about interacting with fandom at first, I actually was there the Brazilians arrived because suddenly tazercraft live appeared for me on YouTube, I joined for a moment but didn't stay long, but I did look about it later. Because Brazilians youtubers/streamers are on a server with a bunch of people from other countries? I was curious about what this would lead to

Didn't regret it, but since then, I was a bit scared of interacting on fandom. Some comments on clips were fine. But then I started using tumblr because of a friend's recommendation, I kept a look on what was happening on lore on general but didn't really interact on fandom. Hence why I created this blog, and also why it took me so long to link this blog to my main one

Because, well, if I got hate for any reason, it would only be a sideblog that I only posted about qsmp. I could just delete it or just ignore them

I am by nature a person who is very shy to talk about my interests, it might have nothing wrong about it but I'm shy, I'm the type of person who goes on asks box on anon because is too shy, even if I'm not doing anything wrong there's this fear of judgemeent.

In the light of the recent events, I am once again reminded that's why I don't use or plan to use Twitter, but still I couldn't avoid but feel... scared in a way, I don't think anyone would like to be treated that way. And even a bit ashamed of saying that I'm brazilian. Ashamed might not be the right word, but there's this feeling wich is similar, and while I'm proud of being a brazilian, I just... maybe invalidate is a more fitting word, it's just feels like my culture is unimportant compared to others.

And this is what it seems, in my understanding, what looks like suffering from xenophobia is, but I imagine it's worse suffering it directly ofc, and ironically, I don't think I ever felt like that for those reasons before. And while I can't talk about how it feels when suffering from it directly, I feel bad for the people who had to go through it(not only Brazilians). Nobody should feel ashamed of their culture or ethnicity

Ofc tumblr isn't free of people like that. After all, no social media will be free from intolerance. But it feels like it's harder to see it. But I can't emphasize enough how it makes me happy to see so many people saying their blog is a safe place for us. After seeing this stuff, it makes things better, for me, at least. It reminds me that my culture isn't less important than any other

And qsmp brought something beautiful, the unity of communities. Because even with those bad things happening, it's not the only thing in fandom, it happens, and any fandom has this, unfortunately. But I love to see every time someone talks about their culture, facts about their languages, to see people motivated in learning new languages. It's beautiful and makes me happy each time

I don't regret making myself part of the fandom, the opposite, really, I've met creators that I would have never without the qsmp. I've met amazing people there, I've found incredible artists and writers. I've had fun

I've found the motivation to learn new languages again, more passion to draw

And I'm thankful to everyone there who is incredibly nice and so made me more comfortable interacting here, even if they will probably never know

So despite everything, I think it was worth it

Was worth reading character analysis and theories, enjoying stories, seeing fanart and animatics, learning new language facts and about other cultures. Was worth seeing people being happy

Again, I'm very thankful for all the people who made me, and I'm going to assume a lot of other people who needed to hear that, comfortable and validate here, I can't express how much this made me happy, I hope everyone coming from twitter have a good time here<3

And a very big and sincere "VAI TOMAR NO CU" to any xenophobic and racist person

I know very few people will see this, or even read everything, but I had to say this somewhere, so yeah, I'm rambling on tumblr again:D

[obigem]

After school, Matthew met Cordelia in the resource room to discuss club options.

He was honestly a little surprised to see she actually showed up. After their walk to school and seeing how smitten she was with Jai through it all, he wouldn't have been shocked if she'd forgotten.

He'd never seen her like that. So wanting of someone's attention. Infatuated. From what he'd overheard she was having him over for dinner. He could never compete with any of that.

But still.

He couldn't worry about any of that right now.

It wasn't as if he had begged her to spend time with him.

She freely and willingly offered her help to him.

That had to mean something.

And for now, that would just have to be enough.

"There you are!" Cordie said cheerily. "What kind of face is that to have? You should be excited to be joining a club."

"I said I'd considered it. I never said I was eager to join one."

"Potato, potahto." Cordie brushed him off. "Lucky for you, I came prepared."

"Prepared how?"

"Well, during free period, I went through the activities catalog and categorized all the school's activities by type. Then I filtered those further by ones I thought you'd be well suited for."

"And how did you determine that?"

"Well, I mostly had to go on what I remembered of you from when we were kids, mixed with what I know of you now, and then added in what I thought you'd benefit from. So once I considered all of that, I came out with a clear choice."

"Which is?"

"The football team!"

"Hard pass."

"What? Why?! It's perfect for you."

"In what regard?"

"Well, you're pushy and opinionated and you can be pretty agressive and prone to asserting your dominance."

"So you really do think I'm a brute." Matthew scowled.

"You're missing the point! All of those are things that you can put to good use as a football player. It's a positive way to work off your agression, and a willingness to assert dominance could be an asset on the field. Plus the major upside is it's a team sport!"

"How is that a major upside?"

"Well, I know you and Dale have become fast friends, but being on a team is an easy way to make even more. I just feel like if you had a solid circle of friends, you'd be happier here, and it'll make staying feel more like the right choice for you."

"A solid circle of friends with a bunch of football jocks," Matthew scoffed, "like Jairo?"

"Well...yeah, what's so wrong with that?"

"Maybe I'm not interested in being his friend."

"Why not? Jai's really nice, and sweet, and caring, and—"

"Ugh, come off it already!"

"I get it already, you're in love with Jai! What's so great about him anyway?" Matthew grumbled.

Cordie could tell he was seething but she couldn't tell why. He hadn't been this enraged since the first day of school, so what could've distempered him so quickly?

"I...I'm sorry." Cordie stammered.

"You're sorry?"

"I obviously said something that upset you, so if I did—"

"You didn't, I—just forget about it. I just am not a fan of team sports, working with people I don't know. It doesn't sound fun for me."

"Oh." That actually made sense.

"Well, if you'd prefer to join a club with people you know, what about my club? Me and Dale would be there, so it wouldn't be completely foreign. But I know you wouldn't want to. Just joking!" Cordie waved it off, but then—

"What if I did want to?"

[chairteeth]

Taking a closer look at memoriae

As per blog brand, this is about TouNemu again. I'm gonna be analyzing and pointing out a handful of things about Touka and Nemu's personal memoriae as well as their flower field memoriae. I ended up going on a biiiit of a ramble about the hospital trauma again which makes the Touka section look longer than it is, since the hospital trauma applies to both. Welp, enjoy!

The only memoriae of theirs where they aren't together are their personals, the obligatory flower fields, and one on each side which had reasons outside of their control that kept them apart, btw. Which is just. Yeah, talk about being joined at the hip. I won't be doing the dual unit's personal because it's kinda bland honestly? As in the text doesn't really give us much to talk about or even gush about, it's just a literal description of what happens in Christmas String. I will however note that it features a book (diary) like Nemu's personal, but has the exact effect of Touka's personal. We will also be looking at both NA translations and fan translations of memo descriptions for picking apart purposes (and because I do not trust NA whatsoever).

SO! A Freedom for Just Me (NA: My Own Freedom) is Touka's personal memoria and the description reads as follows

The earth orbits the sun? That's a lie. The world is a big place? That's a lie. Seeing it on TV, on the internet, how can you be so sure? The only things I know are true? That the starry sky, and the things around me keep spinning. (NA)

It's a lie that the earth orbits the sun. It's a lie that the world is this big. I don't know if what I see on TV or the internet is true, but the starry sky is spinning. It revolves around me. This is the only thing that's true.

NA chose a very funny way of translating that last thing and I think it makes more sense if you take the JP version, because well the sky and things in it do "move" from our perspective (we are the ones moving mostly but shh). Nitpicking aside, let me dig into This Thing.

Firstly the image itself is VERY indicative of how Touka feels. Hospital bed, with an IV included, the night sky, and that dome thing that looks an awful lot like a cage. Yk like the ones she also has everywhere in her room! The title of the memoria is also very telling, and I think people often forget just how tightly tied Touka is to the idea of freedom and the feeling of being trapped (in a gilded cage but a cage nonetheless). This is part of why she doesn't usually listen to others, too. Let me take a look at the visual elements before the text, it'll tie together nicely.

Going element by element... There's the hospital bed and IV. That's a very specific combination, and part of the "cage" Touka feels trapped in, the IVs like chains on her body. Her illness has probably had her bedridden and hooked up to a bunch of machinery before, we saw a glimpse of that sort of thing from Ui in the anime. And really what else to do but to look up to the sky and envy the stars, who are free and bright and real? Something you can see.

There's this whole thing about being an inpatient at a hospital, especially a child, that I've mentioned but have never really elaborated on I think, which is the part where things stop feeling real and you yourself stop feeling real, stop feeling like a person. I've heard about it from child inpatients when volunteering at hospitals and it can be a little complicated to understand for people who've never been in a similar situation. I'm not sure how familiar other folks are with the routine of a child inpatient, because that's a big part of what causes this. The hospital trio have mentioned it offhandedly before (I believe it was Ui who may have mentioned it while they were making Sakurako?) but:

It's grueling for the mind of a child to live in a place that is so... white, largely impersonal, you're never really always tended to as children need to be (the nurses will do their best but there is only so much you can do), you often aren't allowed to go outside or do a lot of the things you want to do, even inside, plus dietary restrictions can lead to Not Great relationships with food (or apathy towards it) whether during the extended hospital stay or after. The routine is also No Good Very Bad for them because while routine is helpful for mental development in a way, the "rules" and routines established at home still leave room for variety in a child's day, and normally they're always learning new things and gathering new experiences. The learning new things does apply to Ui, however not so much to Touka and Nemu, and the new experiences gathered are. Um. Well. None, for the most part, because that's kinda the point of a hospital—to be a controlled environment, for the safety of the patients. But really, when they say their routine is something along the lines of "wake up, maybe go to school (the hospital class) if you feel well enough, go to bed"... they mean it. They do nothing else. And not all kids are lucky enough to be in a hospital that prepares special events or activities for them, and even then sometimes those are not enough. They can't replace freedom.

There's a special kind of boredom and seclusion that sets in after a while. You need to understand, these are children. Not even teenager-children, children (for however long they were hospitalized, which is implied to have been a long time, at minimum three years if the anime is accurate to that, but I believe they were there even longer than that solely based on context clues). Kids are not adults. Kids do not have the experience that adults or even teens do. Kids don't know the world around them yet. It can get to a point where they don't even remember anything before the hospital, and see, that becomes really surreal really fast. I'm not sure how to explain this part but the child very easily can start to feel completely disconnected from "the outside" and their world becomes very very tiny. This is also done in part to protect themselves, because it hurts. It hurts a lot to know you're not allowed to do and experience so many things, while every other kid is, especially if you're terminal and are convinced you won't get better. It is implied that at least Touka and Nemu were of that school of thought, which is not great. So it's common, especially for neurodivergent kids (like TouNemu), to dissociate HEAVILY. The amount of sensory deprivation and understimulation in hospitals is insane. You see how Nemu in her quotes is constantly talking about taking in the sounds and colors? Yeah, this is why. Touka does much of the same, but doesn't directly talk about it. Now add onto the mental and sensory stimulation issues the fact that these two are child prodigies and you have yourself a recipe for Way Way Worse Than Usual! That's why the internet isn't quite enough. Because while adults and non-inpatients have the experience and firsthand knowledge of the world around them, these kids don't. So even if you read article after article and watch video after video, all they are to you is 1s and 0s. Text/images on a screen. Not real. Touka states it almost explicitly, and Nemu… well I could go on about the usage of literature to cope. It's not your world, you don't recognize it as yours (resentment goes brrr).

ANYWAY back to the Touka personal! So, Touka feels chained to that bed. Next up is a related element! That dome thingy above the bed. A lot like a cage, I'd say it looks a lot like the upper half of a hanging birdcage with the... thing you hang it from removed.

With the perch being the bed. This really is the exact same type of cage she has in her room... and we're talking about a character with a bird doppel... SPEAKING of birds, these kinds of cages are proven to be absolutely terrible for them (any cage that is too small for an animal is absolutely terrible for them), due to how cramped they are (notice Touka also calls her world narrow and cramped). If a bird was never let out of its cage and grew up for years inside that cage... well assuming the hypothetical bird has the mental capacity of the child we're talking about, its outlook would not be much different from Touka's. It may also represent the hospital as a controlled environment. Those who are "bigger" and "know better" control what's inside the cage, what happens to the being held inside, and care for the being's basic needs (this can also relate to diet things). Much like child inpatients, the mental stimulation of pet birds is often ignored, whether because the owner doesn't care or because they're ignorant.

Then, lastly, the night sky and a shooting star/comet (I'm gonna assume it's a comet?). The sky is universal, everywhere in the world anyone can look up and we all see the same sky. For a kid in Touka's position, the night sky can feel much closer and more real than any other thing beyond the white walls. Filled with glittering jewels that turn out to be not only pretty but fascinating, with incredibly variety and mounting complexity the more you look into the field, and constellations, asterisms, comets, odd stars and planets, long etcetera. The cosmos is an infinite expanse, the gift that keeps on giving, it gives and it gives without end, and it never takes, never asks for anything, never states a price beyond Touka's time (which, arguably, is one's most precious gift to give, yes something something the amount of time TouNemu spend together). In this way, outer space is similar to Nemu in Touka's eyes (she connects these dots way later down the line, even later than she connects the "oh, space to me is what literature/writing is to Nemu" dots). You can see why Touka may become hyperattached to the whole outer space thing and why it may mean so much to her (possible autistic special interests aside).

The girl was withering away, feeling like life was not worth the pain and suffering she had to endure from her illness and the consequences of it (such as the inpatient status), and the stars gave her something to reach for, something tangible, something she could know and know for good. It doesn't change too fast to keep up with, it doesn't feel like it will ever leave her behind, it doesn't take anything from her, and it's ever-present. The text corroborates my words, essentially, so I don't think I have to go into how the text applies to Touka. The starry sky is all around her, and she knows it well. Like a mantle of comfort and reassurance. I don't think I have to spell out why Touka is so linked to freedom and why she values it so much, do I? Also the part about defying authority and being all, unyieldy about things.

Anyway we are going to do Touka's flower field memoria next, then we'll go for Nemu's personal and flower field. I'm not even gonna use the NA title for this one, because the JP one is better: A Longing for the Beyond.

The end of the universe brings the dark and vast eternal world of time to my tiny little cramped world. The end of the universe also creates the flow of time. I don't care if my brain cells overheat, I want to know everything. I will cherish what I learn, and it will make me a kinder person. (NA)

“My small and narrow world and the dark and long eternity of time. It is the end of space that has expanded the world. It's the end of the sky who made time flow by. I don't care if my brain cells overheat, I want to know everything. It will become a nice possession for me. That’s how I can become kind.”

So okay this one, being a flower field memoria, does not have much to it visually, however the title and text are interesting. The part about longing, I think I've covered somewhat in the previous memoria's analysis. Plus Touka and Nemu are both INCREDIBLY yearny. They pine and long and yearn so much, largely because they have so much love to give, they love so intensely and that is often a feature of those who have been deprived of something they desperately needed/craved for a good chunk of their childhoods. But we will discuss that AT LENGTH with Nemu's personal don't you worry. I have covered a good amount of the text for this one honestly (I am pointing at Touka calling her world tiny and cramped and referring to the cosmos as the thing that widened her horizons and expanded her perception of reality, it's vital to have anchors to prevent severe episodes of dissociation), so let me hone in on two-three things.

"I don't care if my brain cells overheat, I want to know everything."

This line can be easily glossed over as oh Touka's doing the sciency word thing again, but Hey, Let The Child Express Herself And Listen. This is part of the very foundation of what I refer to as her gladiator behavior. Yk every time she and Nemu show dangerous levels of curiosity and fascination with things, and that curiosity alone is enough for them to take on impossible challenges regardless of risk, for no real reward (or no guaranteed one) besides victory? Yep, that goes all the way back to this, and there is a root to that behavior, that attitude. It's a little like living your entire life with clipped wings, and then one day, something (the stars in this case) changes your life completely. You're able to glide and fly for the first time since you can remember. It's only natural that you'd want to fly higher and higher, experience more of that no matter how many times you fall or how bad the bruise is. If you frame it a certain way, it's the tale of Icarus all over again. Wiiiiith the difference being that Touka was better at wing construction and she blew up her wings on purpose to successfully propel herself to the stars (Chapter 8 my fucking beloved). Her ego kind of connects to this in a certain way too. Since, well, she connects more to the night sky, above everything on the ground. She stands closest to the stars, therefore on a pillar raised above the rest. This is only a very small part of the ego topic though, it has many contributing factors. Also have you ever noticed that Nemu is just like the night, just like the stars. Quiet, subtle, with its complexity glossed over by the average person until you take the time and care to look closer- cough.

The part about cherishing what she learns is also very true for Touka, you'll notice she greatly values knowledge as well as learning, but see how the JP refers to it as a possession. I feel like that applies to space specifically and how deeply important and personal her bond with it was back when she was younger. As we saw in her quotes, she's much more willing to share now than she used to be, which is a sign of growth (also the fact that Nemu of all people, who hates and feels guilty for asking basically anything, feels confident and sure enough to casually ask Touka about something like space that used to be a landmine back in the hospital… Also Has Meaning, but I am trying not to gush too much here). And now I'm trying to figure out how to tackle the last line about becoming kind. I think I should fetch something I said on Discord while going through TouNemu content in my brainrot containment zone:

And then I said:

she's trying, she wants to help, she wants to be good. There are multiple reasons she thinks she can't though

really Touka's thing with kindness reminds me of this one episode of Supernanny where one of the little boys in the household was super troublesome and had ADHD, and after a tantrum he ran off to his bedroom and curled up on his bed. Supernanny Jo Frost very softly asked him if she could come in, and if she could come closer/sit on his bed, comforted him a little, and asked him about if he wanted to be good. The poor little boy nodded and kept saying he wants to be good with a shaky voice while sobbing, and you could just tell that he was trying his best but didn't feel he could be good

Touka wants to be kind. She wants to be nice. She just doesn't know how and believes that because it doesn't come in her "how to human" manual, she can't. She thinks if she keeps learning, if she keeps hoarding more and more knowledge, then eventually, surely, she'll figure out how to be kind.

... I talked so much about the personal memo that I don't have as much to say for this one- unless I talk about TouNemu and possessiveness that is. Because they do have a fun possessive streak! Over both things and people! But I will do that another day. For now, onto Nemu's personal memoria and flower field memoria!

An Unobtainable Thing (NA: Beyond My Reach) is hella depressing to talk about so buckle up! I spent a while picking at the JP translation. Description reads as follows:

What was I hoping for? What did I want? A newly released novel? An out-of-print book that sounded interesting? New clothes for a change of image? No, no, no. Those are all wrong. I just want to be told I'm loved. It's so close and yet so far. That is all I want. (NA)

What was it that I was looking for? What did I want? A novel that had just been released? An out-of-print book I was really interested in? New clothes to change my image? No, no, no, none of the above. I just want to hear the words that love me, the closest and farthest. That's all I want.

Nemu is more self aware than Touka is. Despite the fact that she suppresses that and her own feelings as hard as humanly possible which leads to… all of her no good very bad thought patterns basically. The visual elements of this memoria are a bit harder to pin down than Touka's because there's just, More Stuff In It™️ in terms of objects. I feel like the text here is much easier to go through than the visuals? But the visuals do a good job supporting the text anyway. Surrounded by piles upon piles of books, there's a notebook I assume for writing or notes, and the ground below is also written on. I'm not sure what the closed and piled vs open and laid out books could mean. Then there's the folded pajamas (basically hospital clothes) and the two figures in the distance, one taller one shorter, which you can assume are meant to be Nemu and her mom, or worse, Nemu's mom and brother. Which is depressing! You can interpret this as Nemu really really hoping her mom would take her back home, or you can interpret the clothes as the thing that represents herself and the piled books as a sort of fortress or shelter, while the two figures inevitably walk away and she is unable to reach them (seriously those piled books look an AWFUL LOT like a fortress, something something defense mechanism). As somebody else in my Discord containment zone said, the clothes, the books, etc are the things that Nemu does have, things she can acquire, while the thing she really wants, that being her family, are so far away as to be unreachable. The writing on the ground leads into the distance toward them, perhaps symbolizing her writing as her reaching out to what she really wants in the only way she knows how. Not to mention that the light shining through the clouds illuminating them from the background gives it a heavenly quality, pointing to her awareness that she will not live much longer and that the love she craves is what she believes is heaven.

As for the text though, I've gone on and on endlessly about Nemu's severe issues but honestly her personal memo is very blatant about the core of the problem, that being… that she just wants to be loved. It's that simple. Which I think really is the reason she agrees to go kaboom with Touka despite all of her talk of leaving a legacy and explicitly saying she doesn't want people to forget her. Since love is deep down all she's ever truly wanted (not wanting people to forget her, wanting to leave a mark, etc, are all things that in her case stem from not feeling loved)… well, once she sees that she finally has that, she doesn't really care about everything else that much.

The more enigmatic one might be the flower field memoria ngl because that one is weird for multiple reasons. Nemu, oddly enough, talks about her heart like three times or more throughout all of the content she appears in, which isn't much but it's odd that she's done it that many times. Like the religious undertones, I'd like to figure out what exactly she means by "my heart" but I think she just means her mind.

See Nemu's flower field memoria is Peace to this Battered, Dead Land (NA: Tranquility in a Wasteland), and it's already odd because it's the only flower field where it's nighttime and also the only one where we see "direct magic" being used? Iirc at least. The second thing isn't that weird but the first feels weirdly deliberate to me and I've been wondering about it for a long time.

Dramatically, it reads like this:

"Through written sentences, an interwoven world, or filled-in spaces, heartfelt stories flow quietly, gently, peacefully, and sometimes wild and frenetic, into the cracked earth of the wasteland, gradually filling up in a transient pool, to then become unique. If even one thread has a color, my heart will be at peace." (NA)

Let's write sentences, let's weave a world, and if the gaps are filled, the story will flow. Quietly, slowly, calmly, sometimes violently and madly, the story filled with emotions flows through the cracks in the dry land, gradually filling them and providing a tentative moisture. After that, all you have to do is get your personality. If you could give me even just one thread of color, my heart would be calm.

This one is very very fucked up if you consider one of the ways to interpret it. It's a metaphor for herself. She's the dry land. The cracks are the areas of herself that are "broken" or "damaged" (haha trauma), the hurt. She refers to her own life as a story in Arc 1 too, so this isn't a stretch. You can interpret this optimistically or pessimistically. The optimistic approach says that she's healing, the pessimistic approach says that she's essentially forcing things in there to appear put together and not be seen as problematic, bothersome, damaged goods, etc. It could even be both! It's interesting that it mentions quiet/slow/calm/gentle/peaceful and then also wild/frenetic/violent/mad, which I feel may be showing two sides of her (the calm Nemu we normally see and The Part Deep Down That Is Really Angry And Would Like To Go Apeshit). I mean there are many reasons that the way I portray Nemu in AUs can sometimes (often) be violent. I have the sadism from canon and more than enough evidence to argue repressed feelings, which, even if the feeling she's repressing isn't anger (which by all means it would be, other than sorrow and pain ofc), repressing it would lead to frustration which easily leads into anger. I think she has these issues in canon too, she just managed to not explode. Well, metaphorically.

Anyway so, where do I begin with Nemu's boatload of issues that these two memoriae just kinda graze lightly... I've talked a lot about it but usually if you look it is very possible that you will find More, which I'm sure is great for Nemu's self aware introspective philosophical author brain /s. However, a LOT of what I've said about Touka regarding a hospital stay applies to Nemu as well, and in some senses even more so, since Nemu is the type to overthink things when she's by herself (Touka also overthinks but in a different way, and she normally doesn't think about People™. Normally) but it might be interesting to dig into the early Ui era for this. By early Ui I mean after TouNemu met Ui but before they came to share a room and usually before the Christmas party (yk the one). The room sharing may have simply been a princess whim for Touka, but for Nemu, it may just have been life-saving. Or to be less dramatic, sanity-saving. Sort of. Because she's even said it before that she felt lonely. Imagine how much worse the isolation had been for her in a solo room. Heck one of my headcanons (based on her comments about and appreciation of "lively" people and places) is that she Does Not Like complete silence, or at least not when she's not very close to someone, which by definition can never be complete silence because you Will hear their breathing, them being alive and doing things usually, all that.

I said nurses try their best to take care of child inpatients. But nurses, even those who specialize in kids, have a lot on their plate. And the kids that take priority are the smallest ones. And also well usually they cannot really account for everything. Plus, in Japan I get the feeling things may not be as… warm if that makes sense. That is to say I would like to know when was the last time early Ui era Nemu got a hug. It may sound silly, but physical affection is actually really really important to children's development and can be particularly good at soothing them emotionally, similarly to adults but magnified.

However Nemu has this very funny habit (/s) of suppressing her emotions and not ever telling anyone when she feels hurt or lonely or anything of the sort unless she is confronted on it or absolutely has to. So there would have been no comforting chats with nurses nor any sort of tactile comfort (yes tactile comfort is a thing). Great going Nemu. If Nemu fell into a well she would wait there and not call for help so as to not inconvenience anyone else, it's That Bad. Will to live? What's that? (She even mentions the lack of a will to live when they're making Sakurako in the hospital and you can just see Iroha going D: about it). This is a common problem in hospital inpatients, particularly children, and it is rather disturbing/sad actually to hear a child placing so little value in their own life and even less worth in themselves as a person. I just have to point at Nemu's quotes and how often she's like "are you Sure you want to talk to me…?" "I'm boring, don't waste your precious time on me" etc. G i r l... So really I imagine the only highlight in early Ui era Nemu's day was literally Ui and Touka, and with her being a night owl and chronic overthinker, I cannot imagine the excruciating agony of everything after lights out. Yk. After lights out. When everything is dark and you are Completely Alone in your room.

Anyway Nemu is severely touch starved and affection starved please give her a hug. Touka that is your job. Oh though I guess they do hold hands quite a lot? But. Hug. Big close long hug. Nemu may or may not bawl if hugged that way and spoken to softly with loving words of affirmation. Gay babies.

[danceling]

Marching toward spring

After a pretty quiet February, March felt exceedingly busy. In addition to hosting regular, twice-weekly rehearsals, my orchestra played in two concerts this past month: one that was really a choir concert with us as accompanists, and another with a bunch of other campus music ensembles as part of the music department's decennial accreditation process. Aside from orchestra, I've been taking an ASL class (which I started at the end of February), and I just last week started taking a woodworking class (where I think constantly about how all my other hobbies require dextrous use of my left hand, so why did I sign up for this again???). Add to that a few visits with friends who were briefly in town, the first meeting of my new book club, therapy, taxes, regularly exercising out again, volunteering, working on my radio show and the worker's rights podcast I edit, and, y'know, sleeping, and I'm starting to feel like I'm doing too much. (Seriously, how is anyone bored in retirement? I truly don't get it.)

This is, frankly, a great problem to have. My goal now is to figure out what I want to prioritize over the next few months — and also to find a better balance of daytime activities so I have more of my evenings free to do things like hang out with my partner and have people over for dinner. I'd love to keep up with orchestra, though whether I'm able to will be somewhat contingent on how my audition goes for the one community orchestra in the area that runs during the summer. Either way, though, I plan to continue practicing and playing on my own.

Okay, that's the main update. Highlights below, as usual.

Hobbies

I covered most of this in my life update, but I want to reiterate how much I've loved playing with an orchestra again. It's been such a true delight and I don't want it to end, so I reached out to the one community orchestra that runs over the summer to see if I can get an audition slot and maybe, if I'm lucky, join them. I'm not sure I'm good enough to anything that needs an audition right now, but I'm doing my best to prepare because dang it, I don't wanna stop.

Books

My reading was a bit less focused this month, partly because I had a ton of holds come in at the library, and partly because I had deadlines for finishing Border & Rule and Proto. As a result, while I only finished 5 books (three of them quite short), I read 7.

Of these, my favorite was Private Rites by Julia Armfield, which I finished last night. It's Lear, sort of, where Lear is a narcissistic architect who raised three queer daughters, badly, as the UK began sinking into the ocean. That description makes it sound messier than it is — it's remarkably subtle and clever, and I keep having to look up words but in a way that feels like "oh, this really was the only word she could have used here" and not "wow, what a pretentious asshole this author is."

I also really enjoyed An Attempt at Exhausting a Place in Paris, a sentence that is sure to make me sound like a pretentious asshole. Oh well, I yam what I yam, and I definitely have a bit of an intellectual crush on Georges Perec (but not a crush crush — the man looks way too much like Abbie Hoffman for that).

Other Media

Just to balance out the pretentiousness of my reading habits, this month we got really into The Courtship, which is basically just Bridgerton: the Reality Dating Show — regency-era dress included.

We also started Paradise, which is basically low-budget Silo at the moment when they go underground instead of many generations later. The writing is...mixed...but it's entertaining.

Food

I'm back to eating normally this month, and it's been nice. I've been trying to figure out ways to be more flexible - keeping store-bought pasta sauce in the house along with frozen veggies and quorn pieces, making easy tofu dishes from what we have instead of going to the grocery store to make sure I have all the ingredients a recipe calls for, and keeping pantry staples (like chickpeas, white beans, coconut milk, and pasta) stocked so we're always able to throw *something* together.

Finances

Much to my surprise, we spent about $500 less in March than in February. That's despite spending more on both dining out and groceries than we did the previous month — in part because I was feeling better and wanted to make up for lost time on the food front (SUSHI PLZ), and in part because we had more visitors and overall did less actual planning, food-wise, than we had in February. Much of this is because February had a surprise large, non-essential expense (from our nephew cashing in on his graduation present) and that was gone this month, so March's numbers reflect what feels like a more normal trend for us since I left my job: our spending is going down a little bit every month. That trend will likely continue, with minor blips, for at least a few more months as we establish our new normal.

[oswaldsleftbicep]

Hey,how are you? I know that you're not very atm but i saw that you had 0 asks so I thought I'd leave one here for when you come back :)

I'd like to know your headcanons about them boys in a human high school, since we already got the college hcs

anyways, take ur time and i hope you will feel better <3

the boys as high schoolers

omg this was so fun to think about lol also you're so sweet :,) i am doing a lot better, just trying to push myself back into getting my life back together again

genre: crack, unintentional angst

cw: american high school, language, mention of sex

Lucia

❧ deffo in the popular crowd, the one with the preppy boys and girls who are also all involved in a sport, throughout all four years of high school

❧ he gave off the vibes that he would be kinda stuck up and would laugh at you behind your back, but he was actually one of the nice ones, albeit just a tad bit insensitive

❧ played a sport, maybe something like lacrosse or basketball, and was the captain of his team in his last year of high school. he'd also been on the team since he was a freshman, spiking his popularity immensely

❧ his favorite class was probably chemistry, because of the experiments, or gym, because it was easy

❧ his language arts teacher loathed him because he just could not understand any of the books they assigned. he would always take things too literally or say "it's not that deep, bro" to the teacher's face lmao

❧ he and his friends would sit to the side of the class, never up front but not quite in the very back, and this mf would always be making some kind of noise, either tapping his pencil or running his mouth-- at least he was kinda funny

❧ he was on grade level for most of his classes, except for being in honors sciences beginning his second year. he managed to graduate with a 3.1 gpa!!

❧ went to all the dances and formals, and he won prom king his senior year, although the girl he went with wasn't even nominated for prom queen awkward

❧ he honestly had one of the biggest glow ups, but like personality wise. when he was a freshman he was obnoxious and running through the halls and bothering people with rude jokes, but then he got diagnosed with adhd, got meds, and learned a bunch of coping strategies that calmed him down and made him a better student and friend

❧ picked on levy in the halls every chance he took, and if it weren't for the teachers, he would've picked on him some more in the classes they shared. he would've done the same with mefy, but his youngest brother always seemed to evade him somehow

❧ had a petty rivalry with mikael, and was pretty good friends with ricardo in that they always got into shenanigans together

Levy

❧ straight-a student and valedictorian the year he graduated :,) you bet your ass lucia was cheering so loud for him during his speech

❧ volunteered in the school library all four years, but especially so in his senior year when he had a bunch of free periods. anytime he had free time or it was study hall, he'd go to the library

❧ valued comfort in terms of his outfits but he also wanted to look put together, so he'd always be in a sweater or nice shirt with dark jeans or casual dress pants

❧ had a small group of friends that consisted of people he'd have multiple classes with or was in clubs with, but he also spent a decent amount of time with mefy and kaim

❧ speaking of clubs, he was in the book club all four years of high school as well as participating in the debate club. he was also in several honors societies and acted as a peer tutor, and you bet he was decorated as hell during graduation

❧ wanted so bad for his school to have an equestrian team, which they didn't because what kind of school has that, so he joined a local team instead, which got a few snobby popular kids to tease him for being "a horse girl"

❧ he liked all of his classes, although is favorites were history and english; his least favorite was gym, hands down. he would always be doing the bare minimum and coming up with excuses to get out of the more intense sports

❧ didn't go to any of the typical high school events like dances or games because he thought he was above all that, but he was really just too anxious

❧ he played an instrument in his first year of high school, something he carried over from middle school, but he just got too busy for it and it was no longer a priority. he either played viola or some shit like the oboe

❧ his teachers at the start of every year would see his last name and get filled with dread like "oh no not another one" but they then visibly relaxed when they realized he wasn't anything like lucia

❧ was in a lot of above grade level classes, which eventually led him to be in the same class as lucia a few times. levy thought it was so embarrassing and tried to sit as far away from lucia and his friends as possible. lucia has tried to get levy to do his homework before lol

Mefy

❧ he was an enigma to like ninety five percent of the school; he barely associated with anyone, always stuck to himself, wouldn't linger in one place for very long, and no one could find him during free time

❧ this unfortunately led him to be labeled as the "school shooter kid," which never bothered him but his brothers would be livid at hearing anyone call their baby brother that awful thing

❧ he had like two close friends and spent a lot of time with levy, and he was also close with the psychology/sociology teacher, whom he would eat lunch with every day for his last two years of high school. he liked that they never seemed to mind his deep, somewhat worrying questions about life and the human psyche

❧ his first year he stuck with levy in the cafeteria for lunch, then his second year he'd steal lucia's student id to eat outside in the senior courtyard

❧ he was a brilliant student, but he hardly ever participated in class and didn't put in more effort than he needed to which lowkey brought his grades lower than they could have been. his phych/soc teacher was the only one who noticed this and talked to him about it, which earned them his respect

❧ his favorite classes were psychology, sociology, and computer science, in that order. he was okay with the other classes, but refused to take any that would draw attention to himself, like theater or music

❧ he faked a doctors note that got him out of gym and levy was so salty about it. so all he ended up doing for that semester was walking laps lmao

❧ he joined the debate club with levy, but solely for the purpose of arguing with people and being able to get under their skin and gaslight them without serious repercussion. the advisor for the club knew what was up but genuinely did not care enough to stop him

❧ for his foreign language credit, he probably took something less popular like german or latin, and he'll just be saying shit in that language to lucia while levy snickers in the background

❧ he came up with the senior prank for his class and everyone loved it and immediately had a change of heart for him like, "man maybe this kid wasn't so bad." the prank ended up being a little too much for the principal, who demanded to know whose idea it was, but nobody snitched

❧ ...which made him feel just a little bit bad for hacking the school's grade system and changing everyone's grades to a d it got fixed don't worry

Oswald

❧ the american football coach tried so hard to get him on the team, but oswald didn't trust himself to go through with it because of his anger issues. he also didn't know if he could keep his grades up enough to stay on the team

❧ also kind of a loner, but in that he didn't really have anyone who he was close with at all. he hung out with noel the most, and lucia and kaim every so often, but for the most part he walked the halls alone

❧ he was a part time babysitter all four years of high school, and all four years he worked for kurt's family, and he brought that kid to watch every football game the school had

❧ he was a below average student, graduated with a 2.8 and had to retake algebra 1 his freshman year. he had to get a tutor for pretty much every general subject, especially for language arts his handwriting and essay skills are atrocious

❧ the one subject he never had to get help in though was science. earth and space, biology, chemistry, somehow even physics he always excelled in. physics was a bit of a struggle for him because of how much math is in it, but at the time kurt really wanted to be an astronaut and oswald was willing to learn physics to help him achieve that goal

❧ by the time oswald graduated, kurt no longer wanted to be an astronaut :,) rip

❧ he found out about the votech program and enrolled his junior year. he joined the agriculture one and fell in love with it, setting up an easy career path for him to go on as soon as he graduated

❧ he joined the environmental club starting his second year and managed to convince the principal to start a student garden! oswald spent pretty much all of his free time taking care of the garden, making sure it was watered and weeded

❧ he was so close to being able to join the science national honors society, but his gpa was just under the minimum requirement :(

❧ which meant that he didn't have any chords or anything during graduation which is nothing to be ashamed of, but he was kinda hard on himself about the snhs thing, so little eight year old kurt made him an honor chord by messily finger crocheting a row of chain stitches out of neon green yarn :,)

❧ he wore it with pride and anyone who'd ask about it would swoon at the answer, "my kid brother made it for me"

❧ he was low-key a heart throb in his school, but solely for his tall, dark, and handsome appearance. anyone who tried to ask him out or confess immediately found out that he's kinda clueless and not at all the bad boy they thought he was lmao

Kaim

❧ he was absolutely that mf who wore a suit to school every day. he'd go "casual" on friday by wearing a cashmere sweater and some dress pants

❧ his mom is friends with the brothers' mom, so he was close with all of them growing up but more so because his mom told him to "look out for them," knowing he was the only one out of all of them who had any real sense

❧ he was lowkey the therapist friend but on a more crisis intervention scale than a "do u need to vent" scale. he called lucia out several times for his shenanigans, kept mefy from becoming a bully, and talked oswald down from a lot of near spirals

❧ his favorite class was consistently language arts and he could write one persuasive ass essay, which helped him a lot in history, too. his least favorite class he had to take was computer science; no matter what he did, he just could not get his code to work and it nearly cost him his flawless gpa lmao

❧ speaking of gpa, he maintained honor roll throughout the entirety of high school, and graduated with a 4.0. he was above grade level in all his classes but refused to take ap classes, claiming they were a waste of time and money they are

❧ he favored his electives a lot more than his general classes. he low-key thrived in home economics, and the teacher convinced him to take the culinary class starting his junior year and got him enrolled in the field experience for culinary arts in his senior year

❧ he absolutely was an orchestra kid and had been playing the cello since fourth grade, earning him first chair by the time he was a junior. he also played the piano and helped out with school musicals and talent shows by playing the piano for songs if it required live music

❧ he earned a decent amount of chords for graduation: honors society for language arts, culinary club, orchestra, honor roll. he now uses them to tie his curtains back lmao

❧ everyone low-key dreaded being partnered up with him for projects, only because he's such a perfectionist and would make damn sure everyone did their part of the project and did it correctly

❧ absolute teacher's pet though, all of them loved how diligent and intelligent he was, making him the high school version of a teacher's assistant

❧ my school didn't have this, but he would absolutely have been hall monitor. he was, however, almost elected student body president despite not running, his class just nominated him lol

❧ much to his dismay, he was elected vice president of the student body and was put in charge of organizing student events. planning prom almost gave him grey hairs at the ripe age of seventeen

Mikael

❧ he didn't really fit in with a particular crowd, so i guess you could call him a wallflower in that sense? he was kinda a loner, but didn't give off the typical "loner" vibes

❧ very quiet, always got his work done on time, and always did his work exceptionally well, which made him a straight-a student as well

❧ he very well could have been the top of his class, but his lack of participation in class discussions and such knocked his grades down slightly. he always preferred to work alone, hated presentations, and never elaborated his verbal responses

❧ the one exception to him working alone was if noel was in his class; he knew that noel would be reliable and would just want to get the assignment over, and he wouldn't talk his ear off

❧ some of his teachers understood that he just wasn't comfortable and made an exception or didn't deduct points because they saw how eloquent his written responses were, but there's always those few teachers that just don't care lol

❧ he graduated with a 3.9 unweighted gpa, and he took several honors and even a few ap classes on top of being in science national honors society and national art honor society twin; he's a smart cookie

❧ his favorite classes were astronomy and art, he loathed gym and, despite him being good at math, he just could not understand geometry. he chose latin as his world language, although i could also see him taking greek if his school offered it

❧ he took ap psychology and ap world history, amongst a few others, and the exams annihilated him; he would have been elated to get a 3, but was beyond shocked when he saw he got a 4 on all of them

❧ his immense knowledge about the christian religion and the bible impressed the school's christian athlete leader did y'all's school have one of those?? and she tried to recruit him thinking he'd be perfect for the group, but he looked at her with the most perplexed look ever and responded, "i'm neither christian nor an athlete, why are you asking me this??"

❧ she got super embarrassed and refused to look at him when he took her sat prep class the next semester lmao

❧ he ate his lunch consistently in the atrium for the first three years of high school, and then in the senior courtyard next to the little fountain his last year, always alone though

❧ he was in choir for the first year of high school, something he'd done since elementary school, but he quit after seeing how petty everyone was to each other

❧ he'd hated lucia since he met him in the third grade, and on graduation day, mikael told lucia that he was genuinely surprised to see him graduate lmao

Ricardo

❧ definitely a student athlete, his first year was spent in basketball and his last three years were in american football, and he definitely got benched a few times

❧ he actually almost got kicked off the team in his sophomore year for bringing a fucking knife to school-- at least he was smart enough to not bring his gun

❧ he's a decently smart guy, but he just didn't put in the effort for his classes-- he did just enough to stay on his team. he was practically on a first name basis with his guidance counselor from how many visits they'd have between his grades and since the knife incident

❧ that being said, his grades never saw above a 3.0, in fact he averaged about a 2.6 all of high school. he also didn't bother to take the sat because he genuinely didn't think he'd go to college until the last semester of his senior year when he got a surprise scholarship for his athleticism

❧ his favorite class was gym, he always made sure to take a physical education class once a year. he also secretly really enjoyed the home economics class he put off until his last semester of senior year. the teacher was this older lady, and they grew pretty close and he'd even eat lunch with her, spending his free period and study hall in her classroom under the excuse that he needed more help on a certain topic. he gave her his jersey at the end of the year and she made sure to get a photo with him on graduation day :,)

❧ definitely infamous in his school for being a massive flirt and has definitely hooked up with several cheerleaders. it's funny cuz he always scoffed at what you learn in health class about sti's and safe sex, until he caught mono from someone in the theater class lmao

❧ i'm sorry but he was low-key very disrespectful to his teachers, at least for the first half of high school. like he'd roll his eyes at them, leave a mess, be on his phone all of class

❧ he was also a pain to be partnered up with for a project; if you got stuck with him, you bet your ass you'd be doing all the work. anything he said he'd do would be half assed, and you better hope you had a teacher who didn't grade collectively

❧ the academic classes he'd pay the most attention to were history and government, especially in terms of war periods and diplomacy. he lowkey loved playing devil's advocate in these classes which pissed off everyone else lmao

❧ his freshman year he was definitely the kid who wore those god awful graffiti-style backpacks with a speaker inside them, blasting the worst trash rap you ever heard

❧ another thing that almost got him kicked off the team, he got caught bullying a freshman in his junior year. he had to have a meeting with the kid's parents and apologize formally to the kid, and he got a semester's worth of detention and suspended from his sport for a month

❧ he shaped up a lot after that, and he ended up becoming one of the team's star players, definitely not the mvp or the captain, but he was valued for being a machine on the field, pure manpower and determination

❧ was pretty close friends with lucia, and although they drifted apart in their junior year a bit, they got close again come senior year and talked about going to the same college together after ricardo found out about his scholarship

❧ brought an air horn to the graduation ceremony and almost didn't get to walk the stage lmao

Noel

❧ won the superlative for being the quietest in his class lol; it got to the point where his teachers wouldn't cold call him for discussions knowing they'd get one word responses that wouldn't contribute anything at all

❧ he was always seen alone, or with either mikael or oswald, never anyone else. with mikael, they'd just eat together every once in a while, or they'd work on a project together. with oswald, they were just the oddest duo to see: a behemoth of a man and a small guy with a killer resting bitch face

❧ he really enjoyed biology as a class and elected to take anatomy, but promptly dropped it when he learned what they'd be dissecting. instead, he switched to forensic science and had a little too much fun making his crime scene diorama

❧ this poor kid could barely make it through his math classes. he had to be tutored in math all through high school and oswald became his study buddy aw

❧ the same thing applied with his language arts class: he just kept falling behind, his written grammar skills were awful, as was his handwriting. between this and the fact that he hardly spoke, his teacher just assumed that he didn't speak the school's primary language and had the bright idea of putting him in an "x for speakers of other languages" class lmaoo

❧ he was evaluated and it turned out that he, in fact, could understand the primary language, he's just very silent and is bad at grammar. so, he was moved again to a lower language arts class

❧ he didn't particularly hate any of his classes, he just knew he had to suck it up and do them. he'd try his hardest, sure, but sometimes he'd just do the minimum effort required if he really wasn't feeling it

❧ he joined the environmental club with oswald and helped him with the gardens. he also tried out the culinary club, but upon promptly burning his first dish to ashes, determined that maybe it wasn't for him lol

❧ so aside from the environmental club and tutoring, he didn't really have any extracurriculars. he was very much a "i'm here to learn and go home" type of guy

❧ he graduated with a 2.8 gpa, and hated the grad cap lmao he absolutely wore his casual clothes under his gown, which he took off almost immediately after the ceremony was over

Lucas

❧ very well known through the whole school, he was regarded as a heartthrob and resident pretty boy, but for some reason he didn't seem to have very many friends, and no one really seemed to know much about him

❧ he was as active as possible in school life; he joined the yearbook committee in his first year and started taking journalism classes in his junior year, he also one of the only ones to pay attention to student board elections

❧ he was very big on the arts classes that his school offered, especially photography, which in turn helped out a lot for the yearbook. he also took a ceramics class, and the art teachers loved him so much that they gave him his own senior studio space in his sophomore year

❧ he actually did really well in all of his classes, he's a quick learner and had a phenomenal memory. the one thing he sucked at was note taking. so when he took a history class that required cornell notes?? bye, that was the lowest grade he's ever gotten

❧ mans was the king of extracurriculars, on top of the yearbook committee he was in the gsa and best buddies, and he scored national art honors society

❧ he hung around a different friend group every day, so he knew everyone's beef all the time, which easily made him the most powerful man in the school in a way. he never used it for bad, but it would give him topic ideas for the school newspaper

❧ failed the pacer test so bad in his freshman year that half the people in his class that had crushes on him got the ick and stopped lmao

❧ he tried doing theater in his sophomore year, but everyone was so in each other's business that he stopped after that one year; he landed a spot in the musical though and killed it

❧ the psychology/sociology and language arts teachers always got a kick talking to him because of the odd shit that comes out of this guys mouth; he'd pose the most thought provoking and lowkey existential questions about the content material that had the teachers on a tangent for the rest of class. his classmates would either love him or hate him for this, grateful to have an easy rest of class or freaking out at the question too

❧ he graduated with a 3.6 gpa, and he had several chords from his extracurriculars. he didn't really want to wear them, not finding them important or that big of a deal, but his art teachers convinced him that he worked hard for them

❧ the yearbooks all four years of his high school career were the best the school had seen that their sales went up. after he graduated, they dipped in quality and the yearbook committee advisor was so sad lol

[dreamy625]

Overture and beginners - chapter 1

In early 1979, a junior typist at GEC Traction meets a curly-haired apprentice from the machine shop

Words: 1260

Content: Mentions of casual drinking in this chapter

-----------------------------

Katie supposed she’d known Steve Clark for most of her life, though to be honest she hadn’t paid much attention to him at school. He’d been in the year above, and she’d only noticed him in the morass of spots and football boots that was fifth form boys because he was always hanging round the music rooms when she was there for choir practice. He’d had hair grown just past his collar, which was against the school rules, and she’d wondered how he got away with it. Linda, one of the more boy-crazy members of her class, had tried to cajole him into joining the choir, but he’d just shaken his head shyly and melted away into one of the practice rooms. 

A few months after she’d started as the most junior of junior typists at GEC Traction, she’d recognised him in the canteen. His hair was longer and curly now, but definitely the same boy. He was sitting with the other apprentices from the machine room, a rowdy bunch that she made careful efforts to avoid because they were known to leer and whistle at any female employee who had to venture onto the factory floor. This lad, she couldn’t remember his name just then, seemed to be on the edge of the group, smiling along but not really joining in with the banter. She watched him for a minute or so as the queue inched its way towards the serving hatch, before getting distracted by the choice of soup or cottage pie.

It was months later when she encountered him again, at The Wentworth just round the corner. She usually steered clear of the pubs near work on Friday evenings - they tended to get rowdy and it was mostly just an opportunity for the boys from the machine shop to try and cop off with the girls from the electrical workshop - but it was Maureen’s last day before she left to get married, so all the women from the office who didn’t need to rush back home to cook someone’s tea had come out to celebrate. Katie had planned on staying for just one drink before her date with Gary, but everyone was in a party mood, and some of the older ladies started telling salacious stories about the managers, and suddenly it was gone seven o’clock. She used the payphone in the corridor to call Gary’s house - he hadn’t come home yet, but she left an apologetic message with his mam, maybe slightly exaggerating how much of a friend Maureen was, and returned to the gathering guilt-free. 

By the time it was her turn to buy the next round, the pub had filled up and the throng around the bar was two-deep. She exchanged an eyeroll of fellow-feeling with the customer queuing next to her and then had a moment of recognition.

“You work at GEC, right?”

“Yeah, machine shop. You’re there too?”

“Yup, in the office. I type. Actually, I do more tea-making than typing.”

“Well that’s a useful skill for a Yorkshire lass,” said the young man, and cringed inwardly at such a dad-like comment.

“Actually, I think we might have gone to school together? Wisewood? You did music or something?”

Steve studied her face. “Oh yeah,” he said, nodding, “you do look familiar. You were in the choir?”

“Yup, mezzo-soprano, fourth from the left.”

“Do you still sing?”

“Only in the bath! Do you still play…” She realised she never noticed what he was actually doing in the music room.

“Guitar. A bit. ‘M in a band.” He almost mumbled the last part.

“Oh, cool. I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name?”

“Steve, Steve Clark. And you’re...?”

“Katherine. Well, Katie to everyone who’s not my parents.”

“Nice to meet you, or meet you again, Katie.” He held out his hand in a cramped elbow-up handshake, as they were still trapped in the press of people around the bar. “Are you here with…?” The question tailed off.

Katie gestured to her table, where it seemed another of the apprentices was trying to chat up Janet (120wpm shorthand and E-cup boobs, one or other of those impressive attributes making her an object of great fascination to the men in the factory). “With the girls from work. And it looks like they’ve made a new friend.”

“Oh that’s Charlie, loud but harmless.”

When they reached the front of the queue, Steve, ever the gentleman, let Katie go first. And when the drinks arrived, he offered to help carry them.

“What about your drinks?”

He flapped a hand dismissively. “They can wait. They’re all drunk enough anyway.” He turned towards the table but then looked back. “Do you play pool?”

“Yeah, badly. Why…”

“Badly’ll do.” A mischievous smile formed on his face as he headed to where the women were sitting.

Depositing the drinks, he leant in and whispered in Charlie’s ear. 

Charlie grinned at the suggestion. “We challenge you ladies to a game of pool - if you win, you get to go on a date with me!”

“That was not what I…” 

“And what happens if we lose?”

“You have to go on two dates with him!”

“Hey!” Charlie elbowed his mate in the stomach, but it didn't stop Steve from laughing.

Katie and Janet agreed to the challenge, if not the 'prize' and, with Caroline from Accounts chaperoning in case the boys got handsy (with four grown kids of her own, she had moved on to mothering all the unmarried girls in the office), they moved to the pool table in the corner.

Katie was, as she'd admitted, pretty terrible at pool. Steve was good, and the boys won the first game easily. As they were racking up for the rematch, Charlie suggested they mix it up, him with Janet, and Steve and Katie together. This was a transparent excuse for Charlie to try his best moves on his teammate, putting his arms around her to ‘help’ her line up her shot and somehow always needing to get to the side of the table that meant squeezing past her. Janet put up only token resistance, despite Caroline's disapproving stare. Katie found herself noticing how Steve’s awkwardness vanished when he was concentrating; there was something graceful in the way he moved around the table, and he smiled just as easily when he mis-hit and potted the white as when he made a tricky shot. His skill and Charlie's distraction meant they won the second game, with Steve claiming he was the overall champion, having been on both winning teams. He declined the 'prize' but, from the looks they were giving one another, it seemed like Janet would happily take his place.

"So, um…"

The question he was building up to was interrupted by a passing slap on the back from one of the other apprentices. "We're going for chips, you coming?"

With a glance at Katie he hesitated for a second before shyness got the better of him. "Err, okay, be there in a sec," he called. Turning back to Katie he asked, "I guess I'm off then. You alright getting home?"

"Yup, Caroline and I get the same bus so we'll go together."

"That's good… um… do you think you'll be here next Friday?"

"Oh, yeah, probably. I come in here a lot." (Massive lie.)

"Cool. So… maybe I'll see you then?"

"Sure." 

She smiled and his carefully nonchalant demeanour was torpedoed by a broad grin. He raised his hand in a half-wave as he turned and took quick steps to catch up with his mates. 

Chapter 2 >