#we had the same class and talked a bunch and today we hanged out at a mall

[lilyblossoming]

.

[thewritingrowlet]

The Crazy Lesbians pt. 1, ft. tripleS Sohyun, Xinyu

tags: creampie, anal, strap-on, threesome—just read the damn thing, please.

length: 7k+

author's note: I know I'm late, so please don't yell at me. Also, I apologize in advance if it's too messy; I was trying to get this out as soon as possible.

edit: took me a few hours to realize that I forgot to credit @dreamcatchers-husband for the idea, so sorry and thanks. <3

-

“Yes, yes, baby! Fuck, yes!”

Xinyu has always been so expressive in bed, taking the submissive role almost all the time to complement Sohyun’s dominant side.

“I-I’m about to cum, baby,” Xinyu announces breathily. “Please keep going—p-please, I’m so close.”

Sohyun grits her teeth as she moves her hips as fast as possible, impatient to make her girlfriend cum. She finally gets what she’s wishing for: Xinyu screams very loudly when orgasm hits her hard. Usually, she’d stay inside and wait for the wave of ecstasy to die down, but today, she immediately pulls out. “T-thank you; I-I’ve been desperate for that,” Xinyu expresses her gratitude. “I love you, baby.” “I love you too, sweetie.”

Xinyu demands a cuddle, so Sohyun pulls her in for one. “Are you okay, baby? You’re thinking about something, aren’t you?” “I’m fine, sweetie,” Sohyun deflects with a smile on her face, “just had some thoughts but nothing serious.” “You can talk to me about your worries, you know; we’re in this together.” “I know, but trust me, I’m fine.” Xinyu presses her face against Sohyun’s chest. “If you say so,” she lets out a yawn, “thank you for today, baby.”

Once Xinyu goes silent, the thoughts in Sohyun’s head start running rampant. Xinyu is clueless that Sohyun has been longing for something more in bed; something that can please her in different ways, because as much as she hates to admit it, she’s getting tired of being the pleaser and would do anything as long as someone would take care of her, the same way she’s been taking care of Xinyu. Not only that but using a fake penis during sex just doesn’t feel… alive.

“Do I need a man?” Different variations of this question have been clouding her mind recently. The problem with that, however, is that everyone at campus knows her as a lesbian—how could she possibly get close enough to a man for him to get in her pants, especially since she’s in a relationship (with another woman, at that)? She’d like to think about this further, but time isn’t her friend right now; she has to go to sleep very soon, or she’ll miss the first class tomorrow.

-

A gay woman is a man’s best friend.

You’ve known Sohyun since the first day of high school, and the fact that she has come out as gay has made it so much easier for you to hang out with her, because neither of you needs to worry about falling in love with each other, thus enabling you to talk about a bunch of topics about relationships and love affairs freely.

Over yonder, you see Sohyun walking alone while her gaze is aimed at the ground, as per usual—at least, that’s what someone who’s not close to her would think, but you’re not that kind of person; there are always subtle differences in her gestures whenever her mind or body isn’t at peace, and you’ve learned how to pick it up over the years.

“Yo, hello,” you greet Sohyun, who seems to be very exhausted. “You okay?” She shakes her head. “I couldn’t sleep last night.” You ask if she wants to talk about it, and she beams for a second before her face tenses again. “Not now, but let’s have lunch together—maybe we can talk then.” You accept her invitation without thinking twice. “Sure, see you later, then.”

Sohyun arrives in the packed classroom shortly after parting ways with you. She pulls out her laptop from the bag and gets ready for class, but no matter how hard she’s trying to get her mind to focus, it keeps popping out different questions and topics to discuss with you, her friend of over 5 years at this point.

“Fuck, can’t I just skip this class?” Her heart races as she contemplates while her eyes scan her surroundings, from where her classmates are to the big door that the professor will enter from. Sohyun isn’t a fan of skipping classes, especially the important ones, but she simply isn’t in the right head space for this. “Ah, fuck it, I’m fucking leaving.” She closes the lid of her laptop again and carries it in her hand out of the classroom, not giving a piss whether someone is talking behind her back—Sohyun is an adult; she can make these decisions for and by herself.

Sohyun rushes towards the student council’s office space where she presumes you are, mixing her fast steps with short bursts of jogs. Once she arrives, she peeks through the tinted glass door to look for you, and when she sees that you’re sitting alone, she enters the room right away, not bothering to knock.

“Changmin-ah,” she calls to you, “c-can we talk?” You almost threw your phone thanks to the shock. “Goodness me, Sohyun-ah—you couldn’t fucking knock?” She sets her belongings at the desk in front of you. “P-please, Changmin-ah,” she begs, “I need your help.” “Okay, okay, sure—my God, what’s so pressing?”

Sohyun grabs an empty chair and sits on it after setting it next to you. “I need help with Xinyu,” she begins. “What about her? You want to surprise her or something?” She shakes her head. “I-I need help with bedroom stuff.” Your eyes blink in confusion. “Bedroom stuff? What are you on about?” Sohyun takes a deep breath before continuing. “Sex has been dull recently, Changmin-ah, and I’m desperate for something more.” “Okay, go on.” You see her biting her lip, visibly hesitant to speak her mind. “Ah, fuck it,” she says, “can we have sex?”

Her question stuns you for a few different reasons; she is gay and has a girlfriend—why would she want to have sex with you, a regular, straight guy?

“Say it again?” “Can we have sex, Changmin-ah? I-I want to remember what it’s like to do it with a man.” “Isn’t that cheating, though?” Sohyun shakes her head. “I-it would be cheating if I had sex with another woman, but you’re a man,” she reasons. You’re not sure if that’s the most logical reason (or the most convincing), but she seems serious about this.

You place a palm on your forehead as you think about it. “Please, Changmin-ah; I’ll make sure it’s worth your while.” You chuckle. “Worth my while? When’s the last time you had sex with a guy, by the way?” “F-five years ago,” she says in a quiet voice, and you swear that she’s about to cry.

You take her hands in yours. “Sohyun-ah, listen to me,” you say, “it’s not that I don’t want to help you, but how would having sex with someone that you’re not into help with your own sex life?” “I don’t know,” she says tearily, “I-I just wanted to see how it’d feel.”

While she’s busy sobbing, you’re busy pondering. “Alright, hear me out,” you break the silence. “Let’s do it; let’s have sex, and then you can tell me what you think about it.” Sohyun looks at you with her weepy eyes. “A-are you sure?” “You seem serious about it, so let’s do this.” She wipes the tears off her cheeks. “W-what’s the catch?” You say to her that the only condition is that no one—including Xinyu—can hear about this, which she agrees to. “Can I ask where Xinyu is first?” Sohyun tells you that Xinyu is at her campus and won’t be home until evening. “Are we doing it at my place, then?” You shake your head. “No, mine; can’t risk Xinyu suddenly arriving and catching us red-handed, can we?”

-

“Come in, make yourself at home,” you guide Sohyun into your apartment. “Wow, nice place, Changmin-ah,” her eyes roam around the interior, taking in the sights of your unit. You invite her to sit on the sofa in front of the TV. “Until we’re done today, Sohyun-ah, I will act as if you were my girlfriend; I will talk to you softly and call you by pet names—would that be okay with you?”

Her heart starts racing. The prospect of getting a soft treatment (from a man, nonetheless) makes her both excited and nervous; she’ll be dropping one side of her coin to make room for the other, one that hasn’t appeared since she started dating Xinyu.

“Can I have an answer, please?” Your question interrupts Sohyun’s train of thoughts. “Y-yes,” she says, “please take care of me.” You put on a kind and loving smile for her. “I love you, sweetheart,” you kick off the girlfriend-boyfriend play. “I-I love you too, babe,” she replies, and she can feel her cheeks getting hot.

You pull Sohyun by her hands until she’s seated on your lap. “I bet you don’t do this ever.” “No, never—if anything, Xinyu usually sits on my lap.” “It’s nice to change every now and then, isn’t it?” Sohyun nods shyly. “Never thought I’d be with a man again, but here I am.” “I’ll make sure it’s worth your while, sweetheart,” you use her words against herself, making Sohyun look away to hide her hot cheeks behind her thick hair. “Oh, please don’t say it like that,” she says. You start massaging her forearm gently. “I’ll take care of you, though—I promise you that.”

Over her head, you can see the clock that’s hanging over your TV, and you’re reminded about something. “Sweetie, have you had breakfast?” Sohyun shakes her head. “Would you like to order something, then?” Sohyun nods timidly. You hand your phone over to her, letting her order whatever she wants. “Just make sure to order for me as well, okay?” She fiddles with your phone a little before handing it back to you. “I ordered some iced latte and toast for us, babe.”

Despite your best efforts to suppress your excitement, your lips still form a smile when Sohyun refers to you by that name. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so excited about it—I mean, you’re someone else’s,” you say. Sohyun gives you a peck on the lips. “Whoever gets in a relationship with you will be so happy,” she comments. “I can tell that you’d be such a good boyfriend.”

Initially, you’re grinning, but the way she’s frowning erases it right off your face. “I’m such a bad girlfriend for Xinyu, aren’t I? I convinced her to get in a relationship with me in this society, but here I am, running away with a guy.” “Is she only into women, or?” Sohyun says that Xinyu plays for both sides, which you think is unfair because she’s undeniably very attractive.

You stay silent, trying to stitch together a reply that’s both sensible and comforting, and it goes a little bit like this: “first of all, I’d like to praise you for being so daring and challenging the norms of society in the name of love,” you start. “As for being a good or bad girlfriend, I don’t think you’re a bad person in your relationship.” Sohyun chuckles. “You didn’t even address the running away with a guy part.” You want to open your mouth, but she manages to get her piece off first. “Thanks, though; I know you tried giving me an assuring answer, so you’re getting an A-minus for your efforts.”

-

Your doorbell rings—food must be here. You say to Sohyun that you’ll be picking up the food, but she doesn’t budge, comfortably sitting still in your lap. “Don’t scream, okay?” “What do—ah!” You lift her by her thighs and carry her to the door. “Wait, wait, I’m heavy; please put me down.” You peck her on the cheek. “Honestly, you’re not heavy at all,” you say.

You grab the bag of food and make your way back to the sofa with Sohyun in your embrace. “Let’s eat, sweetie.” You expect her to pull away from the embrace, but no, she doesn’t budge one more time—she even tightens her arms that are wrapped around your nape. “Let’s stay like this; I want to savor this moment,” she says.

You reach around her body and grab a toast and a latte from the bag. “I’ll feed you, sweetie; open your mouth.” Sohyun takes a bite of the toast that’s in your hand. She then chases it with a sip of latte that’s in your other hand. “Oh, yeah, that’s good,” she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, “thanks, babe.” “Gladly, my love.”

Sohyun is feeling odd; her cheeks are very hot, and her stomach is full of butterflies. She hasn’t allowed any man to make her feel like this in years, and within less than an hour of hanging out with you privately and pretending to be your girlfriend, she’s starting to think that maybe there are kind and loving men out there who deserve consideration.

“You alright, Sohyun-ah?” You ask to make sure her mind is still with you. “That’s not my name, is it?” You’ve known her all this time, but only now do you notice how pretty her eyes are from this close of a distance. Your hand, as if capable of thinking independently, moves towards her face, stroking her soft cheek like she was yours. “Respectfully, sweetie, I think you’re very beautiful.” “You’re kind of cute yourself,” she whispers. You chuckle. “Kind of, hey? Sure, I’ll take it” Sohyun presses her forehead against your lips, “forcing” you to kiss her there. “I don’t know how you’re still single—these girls are missing out,” she says. “Eh, you know, I’ve just been so busy with myself; getting into a relationship doesn’t sound like a good idea at the moment.”

Sohyun places her hands on either side of your face. “What about getting in my pants? Does that sound like a good idea?” You scan her face to gauge her seriousness. “I’ll do it if you’d let me.” Sohyun grins. “Take care of me, please.”

On the way to the bedroom with Sohyun still in your arms, you barrage her face with pecks, mixing it with quick kisses occasionally. Even after you’ve arrived in the bedroom, the two of you still don’t stop. “Please, babe,” Sohyun is the first to crack, “can we start already?”

You take a seat on the edge of the bed, thinking that you still have a few things to address first. “Sweetheart, before we begin,” you say, “let’s talk about some stuff.” Sohyun bites her bottom lip (nervously, not sexily). “Let’s begin with the elephant in the fridge: you’re a gay woman, and I’m a man. Aside from that, you’re in a relationship with someone else. Are you sure you want to do this?” You hope that Sohyun was listening carefully to your little monologue (and managed to catch the little joke).

Sohyun stays quiet, which makes you feel like you need to provide a reason as to why you’re bringing up such topic. “Sweetheart, I just don’t want you to regret this later,” you say. She takes a deep breath. “I know, and I still want to do it with you.” “Well, lucky for you, I have some condoms.” She taps your nape with her finger to get your attention. “Actually, I was thinking about not using that,” she says, “n-no one else would be getting between my legs anyway.” You peck her on the lips as a sign of agreement. “As you wish, sweetie.”

You notice that Sohyun’s breathing is speeding up as you’re unbuttoning her shirt. “Are you okay? Do you want to change your mind?” “I-I’m fine; please continue.” You know that she has quite the sizable breasts, but you’ve never seen them this close and bare before. “Y-you like them?” You nod. “Yes, I do, sweetheart.” She then gives you permission to touch them, so you do just that. “My, your girlfriend must love your breasts so much,” you comment. Sohyun wants to say something, but a gasp escapes her lips, interrupting her. “S-she does—s-she always put them in her mouth.”

You reach around to unlatch her bra, but after thinking again, you decide to let it stay on; something about Sohyun in a shirt makes you very aroused, and you’d like to have her stay partially dressed like this. “You’re insanely hot, you know? God, you’re fucking amazing.” Your whispered words make the entirety of her body hot, and Sohyun can’t help but wonder if this is what being with a man is like. “Xinyu would go crazy with this guy,” she thinks.

“B-babe,” she calls to you, “w-would you be down to have a threesome with us one day?” “You and Xinyu?” Sohyun nods. “I-I feel like you’d t-take care of us so fucking well.” You peck her on the chest, right above her cleavage, before answering. “I’ll do it if you both agree to.” She places her cheek right against yours. “If you do well today, I promise I’ll bring Xinyu to you,” she whispers, and you can feel your arousal peaking at the prospect of having sex with two very hot women at once. “I will do my best, sweetheart.”

Sohyun gets off your lap to take off her jeans and panties. “Show me,” she says, “show me what you can do, babe.” You place a hand on her crotch, finding out that she is so wet already. “You’re excited to see me, aren’t you, sweetie?” The way her breathy moan hits your face is very arousing. “We’ll be having so much sex today, so I hope you can keep up,” you say, teasing her. “F-fuck me, baby,” she urges you, “let’s forget about everything else—today is ours.” You never thought you’d hear such words from her, but here you are. “Damn right.”

Sohyun slowly lowers herself onto your cock, promptly gasping and moaning because of the sensation that has been forgotten to her. “Fuck, Xinyu, I’m so sorry, baby.” She still has the head space to think about her girlfriend who’s doing God-knows-what at campus right now. It is when your lips hit hers that her thoughts are interrupted. She lets out small moans every time the kiss is broken while her hips are busy bouncing along your shaft.

“You like this, baby?” You whisper those words for extra arousal factor. “Yes,” she whispers back, “I feel alive, baby.” You’re not sure initially what she’s saying, but you guess that she’s probably has had so much sex with a dildo (which is a dead object, obviously), while you’re very much alive. “I-I don’t think I can last long like this, babe,” she adds.

You want to latch your lips onto her neck that’s right in front of your mouth, so you ask first. “Can I mark you, baby?” “N-no, b-but I’ll mark you,” she replies. You let out a deep exhale when you feel her wet lips on the side of your neck, and in response, you make her bounce faster on your cock. “C’mon, baby; let’s cum together, ‘kay?” Based on the little nibble, you estimate that Sohyun likes that idea.

“Baby, I’m about to cum," you announce after what feels like forever. “Oh, yes, me too,” she locks her gaze with yours, “make me cum, please.” Since she’s asking so nicely, you decide to cooperate by thrusting your cock upwards, thus filling your bedroom with clapping sounds on top of the moans that she’s letting out. Sohyun seems to be enjoying this too, as proven by how her eyes keep rolling towards the back of her head.

The way your cock is twitching in her pussy serves as a warning for you. “Babe, get off,” you say, “I’m about to cum.” Seeing that she’s still fucking herself on your cock makes you think that she didn’t hear it. “Babe, please, I’m about to cum,” you repeat. “J-just give it to me,” Sohyun finally responds. “Fill me, baby.”

Having been shown the green light, you pick up the pace again after slowing down moments ago. Finally, with a grunt, semen comes out of your shaft in abundance, filling her like she asked you to. “That’s so warm,” she comments. “D-did you cum too?” Your voice is rather breathy thanks to the orgasm. “I-I don’t think so,” Sohyun says, and admittedly, you’re disappointed in yourself for failing to make her cum. “I’m sorry, baby.” She laughs out loud. “What for? Because I didn’t cum?” She laughs again when she sees you nodding. “Please, it’s good enough as a start—don’t be too hard on yourself, babe.”

Sohyun lifts herself off your lap, letting some excess semen drip onto the floor. “Oops, sorry, babe.” You chuckle. “I’ll clean it up later.” She holds your chin and moves it upwards for a kiss. “Thank you, but I have something to ask.” “Yeah, ask away.”

Sohyun moves her head oddly close to your face. “Can you fuck Xinyu too?” You’ve talked about this before, but that conversation was clouded by horniness. Now that she’s asking again, however, you’re having second thoughts. “Babe, listen,” she hasn’t dropped the name yet, “Xinyu deserves to be this happy as well, you know.” “I mean, if you really want to, then sure.” Sohyun smiles in satisfaction. “Thanks, babe—I owe you.”

-

As soon as Sohyun enters her apartment, Xinyu comes running towards her with teary eyes. “Babe, you didn’t pick up the phone—where were you?" “Sorry, I was a bit busy, baby,” Sohyun deflects, because in reality, she was at the pharmacy to get some morning after pills. Xinyu, gullible as ever, believes what she just heard and simply comes in for a hug. “I’m glad you made it home.” “I’m glad to be home too, baby.”

Xinyu drags Sohyun to the dining table where she has prepared some fried chicken for dinner. “I got a coupon from my previous purchases, so we’re having fried chicken today,” she says. “Of course, babe,” Sohyun says, “let’s eat then.”

As Sohyun is chewing her bite, her mind goes back to this morning, and she finds herself comparing Xinyu to you. Xinyu is doing her best to take care of her girlfriend, but it’s not quite the same as the way you did it—there’s something about your ways that’s different but indescribable.

“You’re thinking about something again,” Xinyu manages to catch on. After sighing, Sohyun decides to speak plainly. “Babe, are you still interested in guys?” The question makes Xinyu nervous. “I-I don’t know,” she says, “I-I’m not leaving you for a guy, though—cross my heart.”

Sohyun proceeds to ask if Xinyu would be down to have a one-night stand with her and a guy. “A guy? Who?” “Changmin-ie,” Sohyun mentions your name casually. “B-but why do we need him? A-are you bored of me, perhaps?” Sohyun reaches for Xinyu’s hands. “I’m not bored of you, babe—I was just thinking if maybe we can spice things up for ourselves.” Sohyun knows that the only reason she’s thinking about “spicing things up” is because of boredom, and she seriously hope that Xinyu won’t give her too much trouble and interrogate her further.

“Fine, I’ll fuck him—I’ll do it for you,” Xinyu says. Sohyun shakes her head. “You’re not doing this for me, babe; you’re doing this for us. I swear you’ll thank me later.”

-

The bell of your door rings, and when you open it, you see Sohyun and Xinyu. “Can I help you, ladies?” Sohyun pinches your stomach lightly. “You and your words, babe.” Your eyes widen in shock, concerned about how she’s referring to you by that name in front of her girlfriend. “Oh, erm, welcome,” you step aside to let them in.

The two ladies enter your apartment while holding hands. “That’s cute,” you think. “Do you girls want some water—some soda, perhaps?” Sohyun asks if you have diet coke, which you do, coincidentally. “I’ll take that, please.” “What about you Xinyu-yah?” Xinyu says she’d like to also have a can of diet coke, so you grab one more for her.

You hand each girl a can of diet coke. “So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” “Oh, c’mon, don’t act stupid like that, babe,” Sohyun just won’t stop saying that name, and you can feel your heartbeat getting faster. “So-Sohyun-ah,” you’re getting nervous, “erm, are you sure you can call me that?” Sohyun looks at Xinyu quickly before turning back to you. “Yeah, I can—what, you scared of her?” You scratch your head. “Not scared necessarily, but I am concerned.”

As Sohyun is about to open her mouth, Xinyu speaks first. “I was told that you guys had some fun when I was at campus this Tuesday,” she says. You take a few deep breaths to calm your heart and mind. “Yes,” you admit plainly, “Sohyun-ie asked me if she could have sex with me, so we did.” “Did you like it?” “I did; I did my best, but I didn’t make her cum.” She clicks her tongue in mockery for your failure.

Out of nowhere, Xinyu slams her can of coke on the table and then sits on your lap. “You tried stealing my girlfriend from me and somehow managed to fail miserably—fuck you, you asshole,” she insults. “Xinyu-yah, I—” “Bad!” Sohyun yells out, scolding Xinyu for her bad behavior. “That’s not how you speak to him, Zhou Xinyu; he’s one of the good ones.”

Much to your surprise, Xinyu gets off your lap and kneels on the floor. “I-I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what got into me.” She gets visibly even more nervous when Sohyun suddenly stands so close next to her. “What happened to your manners, Miss Zhou, hm?” “I-I’m sorry—please, I’m so sorry.” Xinyu places a hand on your knee, begging to be saved from Sohyun’s anger. You try convincing Sohyun that you’re not offended nor is Xinyu being naughty, but she’s not entirely convinced. “We’re punishing her in the bedroom,” Sohyun says, her tone resolute.

Sohyun drags her girlfriend towards your bedroom while you’re still sitting on the sofa, stunned by the sight that just happened in front of your eyes. “Oi,” Sohyun steals your attention, “did you not hear what I said?” “Yeah, yeah, one second.” You shake your head rapidly to clear your mind before walking to your bedroom to join them.

When you enter, Xinyu is on her knees on the floor while Sohyun is standing in front of her with her arms crossed. “In case you forgot, Xinyu-yah, Changmin-ie over here is my best friend; even though our relationship has been a platonic one, I’ve found myself relying on him for a bunch of things. Not only that, but he’s also been supportive of our same-sex relationship—did you catch all that?” “Y-yes, mommy.” You want to poke a finger into your ears to see if maybe you heard that wrong. “I-I’m sorry, mommy; I-I was wrong to lash out like that.” Nope, you didn’t hear that wrong.

You stand between Sohyun and Xinyu, pushing her backwards to give Xinyu some space to breathe. “Sohyun-ah, calm down, please—I’m okay, you know.” “But she wasn’t behaving well,” she counters. “It’s understandable, don’t you think? We did have sex behind her back." Sohyun lets her arms fall freely and lets out a deep sigh. “This is what I meant when I said I wanted to be taken care of,” she says, “I’m tired of running around taking care of people and being responsible for them.”

When you look behind you, you see that Xinyu is looking at the two of you with a neutral face. Facing forwards again, you slowly put your arms around Sohyun’s body. “It’s okay, I understand; I’m sure it’s been exhausting for you to take on this role,” you say softly right into her ear. “Thanks, babe—it’s been great to have you as a friend.” It’s funny to hear her call you “babe” but say “friend” in the same sentence, but she’s right; Sohyun is still into women possibly until the end—unless she somehow becomes straight again—and your relationship with her is a platonic one.

You pull away from the hug so that you can turn your attention to Xinyu. You take a knee in front of her, getting to her eye level. “Hi, there,” you say, “how much did she tell you about what we did?” “I-I heard that the two of you pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend.” You put on a smile for her. “That’s right, so can I talk to you like you were my girlfriend too?” Xinyu nods a little. “Great,” you say, “stand up, please, sweetheart.” Once she’s on her feet, you pull her in for a hug, the same way you did with Sohyun. “Sohyun-ie loves you so much, you know that? She goes against the norms so that she can be with you, sweetie.” Xinyu places her forehead on your shoulder. “I know,” her voice is almost too quiet to reach your ear. “I love her so much too, Changmin-ah,” she adds.

As soon as you get out of the way, the two women rush towards each other for a hug, much to your delight. Not only that, but they also start apologizing to each other and exchanging promises to be better as active participants in their relationship. “Love is in the air—let’s go!” You exclaim, getting excited on their behalf.

They break their hug and pull you into a three-way hug. “I’m so happy for you guys,” you say. “I must say, though, you need to stop playing for both sides if you can help it, Xinyu-yah; I’d love to have a girlfriend as well, you know.” The two girls laugh at the same time. “Hey, we can be your girlfriends on our free time,” Sohyun says. It’s now your turn to laugh. “Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

You take a seat on the edge of your bed. “So, we’re not going to punish anyone, are we?” Xinyu looks at Sohyun nervously, but Sohyun is quick to shake her head to clear things up. “We’re going to have sex later, if that’s okay,” she says. “Can we buy some food first?” You pull out your phone from your pocket and throw it to Sohyun, with whom you’re used to throwing and catching phones. “Go order something, I’ll pay.”

Sohyun and Xinyu scroll up and down on your phone to find something to buy, and before long, your phone is back in your hands again. You lie down in bed and are joined by the girls right after; Xinyu spoons Sohyun, and Sohyun hugs you from the side. “We look like sardines, don’t you think—or kittens, perhaps?” Xinyu giggles. “What kitten have you seen is this tall?” “Yeah, where did you get your height from, by the way?” “My parents are average height, but the mailman is tall.” You didn’t expect Xinyu to have this sort of joke in her bag, and you (Sohyun, too) can’t help but burst out laughing. “What the f—what do you mean mailman?”

-

Sohyun immediately starts touching Xinyu after getting back in your bedroom, ignoring your presence in the room. “Girls, it’s only 1—what are you doing?” Sohyun, who’s mounting her girlfriend, turns her head to look at you. “What the hell does it look like?” You take a seat on the stool near your computer desk. “Alright, I hope you don’t mind me watching, then.” “Not at all—we’ll show you how we do things,” she says before returning to the task at hand.

Xinyu, without being told, takes off her T-shirt, revealing the lacy bra underneath, and you sincerely hope that she has matching panties on. “Touch me, mommy—touch me while daddy is watching.” Thinking that shit is about to hit the fan, you free your cock from its constraints and start stroking yourself. “You see that—daddy is horny for you, baby,” Sohyun points at you, “would you let daddy touch you?” “C-can daddy touch me like you do, mommy?” You can’t hear what Sohyun just whispered to her but based on the smirk on Sohyun’s face when she glances at you, it must’ve been a naughty one.

“M-mommy, I’m wet for you.” “I can tell, baby,” Sohyun replies, “you want to get fucked, don’t you?” Sohyun jumps off her girlfriend when she sees her nodding and makes her way towards the small backpack on the floor, and at the same time, Xinyu uses the chance to take off her jeans—you manage to catch the lacy panties right before they were discarded. “Which one do you want, baby?” “N-number two, m-mommy.” Sohyun fishes out a strap-on that you estimate is as big as your cock and puts it around her waist. “Watch us, Changmin-ah,” she says to you as she climbs into the bed again.

Xinyu lets out a loud moan when the fake dick enters her pussy. “F-fuck me, mommy—please, please, please.” Sohyun folds her girlfriend in half and starts fucking her fast right out the gate. “Fuck, I can’t take this anymore.” You approach Sohyun from behind and bend forwards until your mouth is right in front of her asshole. “Excuse me, ladies.” You start licking Sohyun’s rear while she’s busy smashing her girlfriend, and judging by how she’s moaning, you know that she’s into this type of thing.

Sohyun finally slows down after a few minutes as exhaustion starts to set in. You, noticing the change of pace, pull your tongue away from her rear. “B-babe,” she turns her head to the side to see you, “y-you’re insane—who taught you that?” “Wouldn’t you like to know,” you peck her on the back of the head, “did you like it?” “Y-yes,” she blushes, “please do that again later.”

Xinyu, feeling left out of the conversation, expresses her desire for attention. “M-mommy, d-daddy,” she calls to the two of you, “w-what happened?” You hug Sohyun from behind, positioning your head next to hers so that you can look at Xinyu. “I ate mommy’s ass, baby,” you say, “she liked that a lot, you know.” Xinyu gasps. “You’re insane, daddy—no wonder mommy came to you for help.” You smile naughtily. “It’s your turn next, okay?”

Sohyun calls a timeout, mentioning her exhaustion as a reason. “Fuck her, babe,” she whispers to you, “better yet, make her cum.” You take her position between Xinyu’s legs after she’s moved out of the way. “Do I have your consent, baby?” Xinyu nods enthusiastically. “Alright, here I go, then.”

If Sohyun was rough earlier, you take a softer approach this time, giving some nice and slow thrusts to Xinyu. “I love you, baby—I love you as much as mommy does.” You see that her eyes are tearing up. “I-I feel complete, daddy; you’re such a perfect fit for me and mommy.” You guess that this is her double-sidedness speaking, but it’s good to hear that she doesn’t hate you or anything. “I love you, baby,” you repeat.

As you’re starting to move again, you feel some odd sensation is an odd spot—Sohyun is returning the favor, eating your ass the same way you did her. “Oh, fuck,” you utter, “fuck, you two are going to make me pass out.” Xinyu places a hand on your cheek. “You’re happy, aren’t you, daddy?” “Very, baby,” you reply.

You keep delivering thrusts to Xinyu, using her moans as fuel to keep up the pace of your movements. Sohyun, on the other hand, has had enough of eating your ass, opting to sit on Xinyu’s face, thus putting extra pressure on the moaning, stuffed girl. “Are you sure she can take this?” “Yeah,” Sohyun answers, “I’ve sat on her face many times.”

So, here is how things are going: you’re fucking Xinyu while also tongue-wrestling with Sohyun, whose pussy is getting eaten by her girlfriend. A part of you wonders what your parents would think if they could see that their son is having this crazy of a threesome.

Sohyun suddenly pulls away from the kiss. “Fuck, I’m about to cum,” she announces. The way she’s moaning louder must mean that Xinyu is stimulating her more like the good girl she is. With a scream, Sohyun lifts herself off Xinyu a little bit and sprays juice right into her waiting mouth. “Oh, fuck, me too.” You pick up the pace to chase your orgasm, and when it hits, you lodge your entire length in Xinyu’s pussy and fill her from the other end.

Both you and Sohyun leave Xinyu at the same time, and you can see how messed up she is: her messy hair is all over the place, her mouth is full of Sohyun’s squirt, and your semen is leaking out of her pussy. “Fuck, we went hard on her,” you comment. Sohyun pets her girlfriend’s head softly. “Good job, baby—good fucking job,” she praises her, “I told you he’d help a lot, didn’t I?” Xinyu swallows the juice in her mouth and nods weakly. “Should we get cleaned up?” “I’ll go first—I’ll get a shower,” Sohyun says.

While Sohyun leaves to get cleaned up, you take care of the exhausted Xinyu. “Are you okay, baby?” Xinyu nods again. “M-mommy and daddy used me.” The way she’s phrasing it makes you wonder if it was too much for her. “I-I’m tired, daddy, b-but I also want more.” “Let’s rest for now, baby; we can think about going again later.”

-

“Oi, oi, oi, look at you, sleeping in each other’s arms like a couple,” Sohyun comments as she walks in the bedroom after showering. “Mommy,” Xinyu reaches out an arm, inviting Sohyun back to the bed. She moves to spoon her, squeezing Xinyu between you and herself. “I’m here, baby—are you okay? Are you tired?” “I want—” A yawn cuts her off. “I want one more, mommy.” Sohyun chuckles. “Aren’t you drained, though?” “N-no, I-I can take it.”

“Yah, wake up,” Sohyun slaps your thigh to wake you up. “Xinyu wants to go again.” “Huh? Yeah, sure.” You rub your eyes to get yourself together. “One second, please.” Sohyun reaches for your cock and starts stroking you to get it hard. “We don’t have a second,” she says.

Like magic (not really), your cock gets rock-hard in no time. “How do you want us, baby?” “I-I want to give mommy and daddy my virginity.” It’s obvious that she’s talking about her ass. “Is that so?” Sohyun looks at you with a naughty smile on her face. “Alright, I’ll take it, baby, and then we can give daddy a sloppy second—how does that sound?” “S-sounds great, mommy.”

Sohyun flips Xinyu onto her stomach. “Pass me that strap-on, daddy.” You throw it to her, and she wears it around her waist like earlier. She then covers it with her spit before lining it up towards Xinyu’s rear entrance. “Watch us, daddy.” You nod as you start stroking your cock mindlessly at the sight of these crazy lesbians.

Xinyu lets out a gasp when the tip of the rubber cock hits her asshole. “Please be gentle, mommy.” Sohyun simply nods, which isn’t very assuring, and moves her hips forwards, negotiating (or perhaps forcing) her way into Xinyu’s rear. “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! MOMMY!” Xinyu’s screams are concerningly loud, and you sincerely pray that no one will file a noise complaint against you.

“Fuck, there we go, baby,” Sohyun’s strap-on is in Xinyu’s ass all the way, “you’re completely mine now, aren’t you?” “Y-yes, mommy,” her voice is partially absorbed by the pillow that her face is pressed against. Sohyun pulls Xinyu’s hips backwards until they’re up in the air. “I’ll start fucking you, baby.”

True to her words, Sohyun begins fucking her girlfriend’s virgin ass with reckless abandon, not giving a piss about how she’s screaming from the top of her lungs, straining her vocal cords like never before. “Fuck, this is crazy,” you mindlessly utter while still busy stroking yourself. Sohyun is slapping Xinyu’s ass as she goes too, adding more craziness to this whole thing. “Fuck, if only I could feel how tight you are, baby,” Sohyun comments. “But you’re a virgin here, so you must be very tight.”

Not too long after the first penetration, Xinyu announces with a yell that “her pussy is cumming” (odd phrasing, isn’t it), and true enough, juice begins spraying out of her pussy, splashing all over the bed and even the floor. Sohyun, thinking that her job is done, retreats from the forbidden hole, leaving it gaped and winking. Sohyun mounts her girlfriend’s butt and starts pecking the back of her head endlessly, expressing her gratefulness and adoration. “I love you, baby—I love you so, so, so much.” “I-I love you too, mommy,” Xinyu replies feebly.

You notice that you’re leaking precum from your tip, and because you don’t want to actually bust, you stop stroking your cock. “Do you girls need anything? Water, or towel, maybe?” “Water, lot of it; Xinyu needs it,” Sohyun says. You jog out of the bedroom and grab some bottled water for the ladies. “Here, here—have a sip.” Sohyun drinks half in mere seconds before passing it on to Xinyu, who finishes the rest.

-

Tomorrow is Saturday, and because no one has any classes, Sohyun and Xinyu decide to stay the night at your apartment.

“Good night, girls—I’ll be on the sofa if you need me.”

You crash onto the sofa, only now realizing how drained you are. It doesn’t seem like your day is ending just yet, though, as Sohyun is walking out of the bedroom to join you in the living room, taking her spot on your lap. “Yes, sweetie?” “Thank you, babe,” she says, “you helped a lot today.” You smile amidst the exhaustion. “I don’t want to take too much credit, but you’re welcome; I’m happy for the two of you.”

Sohyun comes in for a hug and quickly lets out a sigh. “I love you, and I love her,” she piles on. “I’m still not falling for a guy, though.” You chuckle. “I mean, it’s not like you have to.” She gives you a peck on the cheek. “Can’t believe I fucked Xinyu in the ass.” “Oh, believe me, it was a crazy fucking sight to watch—you had me wondering if you would’ve given me a turn.” Sohyun looks at you right in the eyes. “We have all day tomorrow, don’t we?” You nod, partially hopeful about continuing the fun tomorrow. “What do you have in mind?”

“Maybe I’ll let you fuck Xinyu in the ass tomorrow, and maybe, I’ll let you fuck me in the ass too.”

“Miss Park, you are one crazy lesbian.”

“You know it, and now you love me for it.”

[jolalibrary]

stockings and stars

javier peña x f!reader

summary: Still need the star putting on the top of the tree. ive got other plans for you Because I’m the star? yeah you're my star and youre not going anywhere but on your back

from the late night texts world - but can still be enjoyed on its own. chapter warnings: allusion to/mentions of smut. no actual smut. javi undresses you, though. flirting. fluff. reader wears red lingerie and a dressing gown. javi flirting. sexy talk, romcom vibes ofc ✨ wordcount: 3k

an: to @goodwithcheese merry christmas from me, to you. thank you for everything, for the tuesday fun we have - i wanted nothing more than to have this out sooner, but life, you know? but, i adore you. and I'm so glad we found one another. ahuge thanks to @thetriumphantpanda who cheerleaded for me throughout.

text key: bold is you/reader | italics is javi

Will I be seeing Santa Javi today? I want to decorate my tree.

one time I come to yours in a red shirt

You also had the tree under your arm and a bag of baubles, I’d class those as gifts.

keep talking baby and you can decorate your tree alone

Think I’m gonna wear that shirt you left here while I do it. Make sure I have to get up on my tip toes. Hope it doesn't rise up...

you don’t play fair

I think I’ll be in stockings too…

youre killing me

Maybe they’re white and red, and…

baby if i wasn’t putting this thing up for Pop, i’d be driving over right now

Hope you hurry up, I need someone tall to put the star on top of the tree.

how am I gonna eat you out when youre perched on the tree baby

The last thing on his to-do list from his Pop is to hang the front porch garland.

He had learnt there had been a huge difference in the front and the back porch garlands. A fifteen-minute-long difference when he'd timed the response given to his sarcastic answer.

Javi learnt there was not only one for the back porch and the front, but one which sat across the fireplace and one on the staircase.

He learnt that after he'd made a joke about mixing them up—earning himself a very pointed glare, and the task of the front porch.

Now, it’s a battle he’s losing.

Tremendously so.

While he’d never want his Pop to do the more challenging tasks, he did rather hate he hadn’t thought to trade this one in for the back porch at the very least—because that had looked fucking easy.

Holding the garland in hand, he’s suddenly hit with a second wave of nostalgia, the first having arrived when he'd pulled down the box and peered into it.

It did the same thing as it had done then, all but rushed over him, layering itself on his shoulders, sitting, nothing short of a comfortable weight on him. Letting his gaze fall out over it, he smiles at the tuffs of fabric, all the bows tied by hand, all in an array of sizes and shades.

Over time, he can see how they've become sun-dyed, remembering the first year they'd been sewn into the faux greenery by his mamá, memories of her all hunched over, humming carols.

Smiling, he rolls his lips, letting out a heavier sigh than he intended as he drags it to the post he’d begin at.

But, all he wonders is whether in the years he wasn’t here, whether it was occasionally hung—or if this year is just that special.

The mere hint that he was going to ask if you wished to spend Christmas at the ranch had sent his Pop into overdrive. Practically yanked him out of his chair like he’d been electrified, a bunch of orders being flung from under his white, wiry moustache that they needed to get ready.

He wasn't sure he'd get the image of his Pop suddenly scrambling around like a man half his age, to drag the decorations out from the cupboard, would ever be erased from his mind. Least of all the sound you'd made aww'ing down the phone when he'd given you a condensed version of the story.

Because he hasn't asked you yet, not properly.

Even though he's spent the last two days at the back of barns and spending a ridiculous amount of time at the hardware store—because we need to make sure the lights stay up, Jav.

He just hasn't found the right time to ask you. A promise each time he goes to see you left in the air. Not that his Pop remembers that, instead he's just busy thinking up ways to make it special: one of which includes decorating the trees at the entrance to the ranch.

An idea having sprouted with the newest ranch hand—one which, if Javi overheard correctly, involves rope acting like tinsel and a cowboy hat being the star on the top of the trees.

Feeling his phone vibrate, he temporarily ignores it as he begins to weave the beginning of the garland around the wood—already knowing, before he tries to move it around the spindles, that it isn’t going to be easy.

Because nothing ever fucking is.

Least of all when you’re waiting for him.

His mind begins to concoct images of you in bows and sheer material, lips painted, sat waiting, smelling nothing short of heavenly as you call out for—

“Fuck,” he shouts, dropping the garland to the ground.

It had pricked him, stabbed him right in the skin—hand shaking the pain out, face likely all scrunched. And, if it didn't have sentimental value, he's sure he'd have kicked its protesting ass with everything he had. Instead, he just narrows his eyes more than he had done moments ago as he begins again.

He feels his nostrils flare when it begins to undo itself. The sound of faux bristles on wood grates him before it will even attempt to do what he needs it to.

And it makes him want to quit, to throw it back into the box and tell his Pop it isn’t worth it. But he knows it is. Knows that his mama didn’t spend hours bent over under flickering light for it not to be seen.

Javi also strongly suspects you’d love it. Likely run your fingers over several bows asking who made it. He can even imagine the look of joy on your face when he tells you.

It’s why, if he didn’t already suspect it anyway, he’s pretty sure his Pop loves you more than him. Because even the first Christmas he was back, there weren’t this many decorations; not nearly as much need to have them all out, either.

Not that Javi really minds—or blames him.

There’s a notable shift in energy when you stay over. Even more so in him. He can see there’s a cheer and a glow to the place—one Javi hates watching vanish when he takes you back to your place.

It's why, when—and where—he can, he fights for you to be here. Practically finds convincing ways to do so, including, crossword puzzles, dinner, and two-person showers. But, at some stage, your clothing dwindles, underwear runs low, and he has to make the painful drive into town to return you to your place.

Your fingers in his hair, practically clambered into his lap as you whisper that you’ll be back before he knows it. His fingers on your chin, thumb stroking out the words he says right back—that he’ll miss you all the same.

Javier Peña. Texan softie—what will the world think?

He only thinks one thing when he drives back—a response which had been there on his lips. Guess they’ll see just how much I love you. A thing you know, comment on, say back to him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. An array of promises there, sometimes spoken at a normal level and sometimes whispered.

You always keep them, just like the one that you are always back before he knows it.

He likes it when you are. Enjoys it when you’re nestled beside him, arm across his chest, hand close to his ribs—strumming them, tracing lines and words he tries to understand before sleep takes him.

He still always sleeps better when you’re beside him. When his breathing can mirror yours, when he can feel for you in the night when he’s awoken with nightmares and things he knows won’t ever come true.

Now, he’s fighting a different battle. One to get to you.

Halted in his path to freedom by the garland which refused to be hung, and could be labelled as giving him more grief than the horses which had banded together. A phrase he never thought he’d admit out loud, never mind think.

You still fighting with the garland?

baby its torturing me on purpose

Do you want me to come and help?

will you come in the stockings

No!! Your dad is there.

then stay there actually lie down, but do not begin without me

Still need the star putting on the top of the tree.

ive got other plans for you

Because I’m the star?

yeah you're my star and youre not going anywhere but on your back

Hurry then.

i’m hurrying

He does hurry—practically scratched up by the time he’s parking his truck outside your place.

As he takes the step up to your door, Javi realises how much he misses it here when he doesn’t visit. A place less frequent and often spent time in, even under your insistence of renting it.

It is always usually a stopping point, him parking up, letting you go in and grab what you need before you're back in his truck, heading back to his.

He does like your place though, likes how small it is, how cosy. Plus, it has all the things which make you, you. A thing his place is currently missing.

Although, as he steps through the door, and calls your name, he does have to admit it currently looks fucking ridiculous.

On a good day, he’d describe your place as crowded, but right now, it’s claustrophobic.

The tree you’d forced him to get is shoved into a corner, branches fluffed out, surrounded by the piles of unpacked boxes you’ve tried to discreetly hide. Your remaining floorspace is overtaken by a bit of rug, several piles of books (you have no room for, but continue to buy) and odd bits of furniture you find and attempt to restore.

For the most part, you’ve decorated. A thing you did inform him of.

You’ll be pleased to know when you get here your only job is the star. managed it all yourself, did you I’m a very competent woman, Javi. oh i know baby ive seen you with a crossword Does that do it for you? Me finishing a crossword. does something to me Get over here. im leaving now

There’s a warm, comforting glow spread out across the place from the fairy lights you’ve hung and the array of mismatched decorations—both bought and handmade—hanging from branches.

He breathes in the scent of orange which hangs in the air, his eyes finding the culprit on your fireplace, a garland—one not dissimilar to the one he’d been battled with—places there, mocking him due to the ease of which had been laid, with oranges and little beads all entwined within it.

Snorting, he glances back at your tree, spotting the things he's been with you when you've bought. And, as promised—and informed him through text—there’s nothing at the top of your tree.

“You finally made it!”

Spinning on his heel, he comes face to face with you, and fuck if the sight of you doesn’t make it all worth it.

Dressed in a red, silky dressing gown, all tied in the middle, you're a vision. Then, there's the fact your lips are painted a shade he’d now famously dub Christmas red, a colour he wants nothing more than to be stained with. A path of it from his mouth down to the space where his jeans meet his hips. A thought which seems to only make how tight his jeans are even more uncomfortable.

“Cariño, you’re…”

You sway a little, letting the fabric move—allowing his gaze to land on the stockings. The ones he’s been thinking about all afternoon. The ones he can’t wait to feel under his palm and know whether they’ll create friction when wrapped around his waist.

“Fuck me.”

“I’m kinda banking on it,” you say, biting your red-painted lip. “But first…”

His hand crawls around your waist, feeling the smooth, soft texture under his hand—swallowing, dragging his eyes up and down you, unsure how he could ever be so lucky—how something so good could ever be here for him to unwrap.

“I need you to hang the star,” you continue.

“Right now?”

Nodding, you ghost your lips over his. “I’ve been so good waiting for you.”

“You're never good. You, baby, are a menace.”

“I’m your menace.”

Snorting, he presses a kiss to your lips. “Damn right, you are.”

Moving from you, reluctantly, only to pick up the gold star he assumes you want to hang, getting a nod from you that he’s right.

“Need to ask you something too.”

And even though he’s only taken a mere short step from you, he’s floored all over again about what a picture you look like when he glances back. That you’re standing all for him, dressed in nothing but cheer and ribbons all for him.

“Go on.”

Turning to your tree, he flattens his hand to the wall for stability. “I wanted…”

His concentration slides in—suddenly aware he doesn’t want to knock anything from the branches. Doesn’t want to force things to be misplaced from where they were expertly hung.

He’s also sure he’s wanting to swallow the question. A part of him, all the way deep inside of him, having been bracing—and waiting—to hear you’d be apart for the holidays. A thing the two of you have rarely been since you moved here, not a day going by he hasn’t seen you for at least an hour.

“Wanted to know if you—shit—” the star almost sitting atop, before at the last minute protesting. “I wanted to know if you wanted to spend Christmas with me—with us, me and Pop. At the ranch.”

The star slides into place, sitting more comfortably with another shove, more branch supporting it.

But he doesn’t turn, not immediately. Not as the question hums around him, swirls in the silence of you not immediately saying yes. So much so, that it takes him a second to move on his heels, to face you—to read the answer before it’s delivered.

What he sees is something his heart couldn’t have ever prepared for.

You, grinning—a silly, almost goofy, smile spreading out as you bite down on your lip, forehead slightly crinkled.

“You… you want me to spend the holidays with you?”

“Of course—cariño, I want nothing more than for you to be with me.”

It all quick to leave his mouth, mirroring the movement to be back in front of you, fingers under your chin, lifting your eyes—those beautiful, fucking eyes—to his.

“Do… do you—wanna spend it with me?”

You pull a different face before you’re nodding. One more excited, one which begins to expel out over a smile and a bunch of escaping phrases such as I can’t believe you want me with you and of course.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

Shrugging, you scrunch your nose—an act he finds just as cute as the first time he saw it. “Guess it’s a big deal. It’s… a thing people do with families.”

Pulling you close by your hips, your hand lands flat on his chest. “You are my family.”

“Javi,” you whisper, making each letter feel so individual the way you say it, that it makes his heart double.

“It’s true. You’re it for me, cariño. All I’ve wished for.”

Eyes widening, your eyes shimmer under the lights—more so than normal. Taking a deep breath, you lift your chin before pressing a kiss to his mouth. One which turns hungry, desperate—your mouth searing, a thing he’s craved since he woke up before the sun even rose.

“Baby,” you whisper.

And he hums.

It vibrates out, able to feel it from the way his fingers cup your cheek.

“Undo me.”

Releasing your lips with a pop, he opens his eyes, studying your eyes, moving from one to the other.

“Go on,” you urge in a whisper, more breathless, more tinged with something that makes his skin hot.

Sliding his fingers over the knot, he barely has to tug before it comes undone—unveiling you, like a curtain which wishes to part. If he’d thought you’d looked good before, he’s sure every bit of you is a sin now—a Christmas sin.

Red and lace. It’s all he sees. It sitting there, against you, hugging your breasts—sitting on your hips. His mouth is suddenly dry at the thought of running his tongue over the place it meets your skin before pulling it down.

Your fingers follow his eyes, sliding between the valley to land on the bow in the centre, twisting the edge of the tie around your index finger—palm skating over your stomach, allowing him more chance to take in how you’re stood before him in see-through fabric and promises.

“How’d I get so lucky?” he asks, more to no one, than to you.

His fingers teasing the fabric sat on your hip—marvelling, unsure how to think straight until you clear your throat, forcing his eyes to meet yours.

“Hey,” you whisper, tightening your hold on his hands, bringing his arms more around your waist, pressing your front to him, feeling the heat from your skin through your clothes. “You’re all I wished for too.”

Smiling, he looks at your tree, before landing back on you. “You look so good.”

“I know. Could look better though?” His brow arches as you slowly begin to smile, the tip of your tongue sliding over your upper lip. “Everything is held in place by bows.”

Groaning, he closes his eyes, letting his hand slide down your lower back, over sheer material before his fingers find the ribbon on your hip.

“All for you.”

“Mine,” he answers, slotting his mouth over yours—staining the four letters to your lips.

His fingers slide around, brushing over soft skin, until he finds the first bow. Undoing it with ease, licking into your mouth, only to grunt against you when you whimper as the fabric falls to your feet.

“Yours,” you say back, your own hands beginning to undo him.

an: merry christmas, love you

[skellseerwriting]

What is Love? (Baby Don’t Hurt Me)

Love Clueless!Morgie x GN!Reader Part 2/2

Thank you anon for the wonderful ask! I never would have come up with this on my own. Here’s part 2!

Part 1

Word Count: 1,834

Warnings: slight angst, happy ending, fluff, Morgie is happy, brief heart brokenness, physical affection, Morgie learns what love is

Summary: You decide to teach Morgie the five love languages. Unfortunately for the both of you, you are quickly falling in love. You, however, don’t think he knows what that means

Part 1: Quality time

After you had named off each love language, you needed to decide which one you wanted to start with.

Physical touch? Your face felt a little warm at the thought. Too soon for that.

Gift giving maybe? Probably too difficult right now since you barely knew Morgie. So maybe you could get to know him through quality time!

You did a little, internal, happy dance at the quick thinking. It was perfect. All it really was is hanging out and getting to know each other better. You could do that.

So after explaining that to Morgie, he simply stated “How do we do that? Just talk about things we like?”

“Yes, exactly. You’re getting the hang of it.” You gleamed. “Many friends become friends through shared interests; things they both like.”

“Oh.” Was all he said, then added. “Do we have to like the same things?”

You try not to let out a snort, and spectacularly fail.

“Of course not. That’d be boring!” He looked confused again.

“Okay, okay.” You said, prepared to explain things once again to him. “Imagine you walk into school, and everyone is wearing your clothes.” He frowns. “Now imagine instead of everyone going to class, they all ditch it just like you. They’re all hanging out in your usual spot.” His frown turned into a peeved expression.

“That’s annoying.”

“Exactly!” You tell him. “And when you go to lunch, everyone takes that favorite food of yours because they all like it, leaving none for you!”

He actually started growling at that, like a dog. You scooched back a little.

“They better not.” His lip curls up. “That chocolate tuna bread is mine.”

Your lips also curled up a bit, for an entirely different reason. This boy was so charming (not to be confused with the actual charming).

“See?” You pointed out. “That’s why it’s good that we all like different things. You’re learning already.” He nodded with a grin, finally understanding. Even though it was just one small step, it made you so happy that he seemed to be enjoying this.

You think you were going to really enjoy hanging out with him.

Part 2: Acts of Service

The next morning, when you told Morgie the next love language you’d be doing, he made a face.

“Service? Like helping out at an orphanage?” You suppressed a giggle.

“That is a form of service.” You told him, clasping your hands together with your pointer fingers sticking out. “However it’s not necessarily service service. It’s helping someone out, no matter how small. Picking up someone’s pen for them when they drop it, for example.”

“Or holding the door open, right?” He said with a happy look and something knowing in his eyes.

“Exactly! Good job” You praised, not entirely understanding his implication with that. “So, today, I want you to be on the look out to help anyone in need.” He stuck out his lower lip.

“I thought this was just going to be between you and me.” He pouted. You tried to ignore the little stutter in your heart from thinking about Morgie only wanting to spend time with you. That’s not what he means, you thought, so stop it.

You hide your thoughts with a smile.

“Most of it will be, but it’s not something that can be done a bunch in one sitting. Plus we have school, so you won’t see me a whole bunch.”

After a moment, he goes “Can we eat lunch together”? That threw you for a loop. Together?

“Erm, what about your friends, Morgie?” You ask uncertainly. His eyes widened.

“Oh, I guess I didn’t think about that.”

“It’s fine. You can meet me here after school.”

You didn’t end up waiting until after school.

Squealing, you open the door to let Morgie in.

“Did you see her face!”

“Yeah, that was priceless!” He jeered, walking in with squeaky footsteps. “I didn’t realize she didn’t hear me right behind her. When she turned around…” he let out a loud laugh, shaking his sopping wet hair like a dog. You brought your arms up to cover your face.

“Easy! Don’t get me wet too!”

He didn’t listen, going on with “When she dropped all her stuff, I didn’t even see the fountain right behind me. I think the universe is trying to get back at me for being good!”

He slipped of his shoes, reaching for the towel you handed him. Your dorm was a lot closer, so the moment he got pushed from surprise into the fountain, you went to help him.

“Or maybe it’s to even out all the good luck I’ve been having.” He added, closing one eye.

“What good luck?”

“Meeting you!” He answered cheerfully. You felt yourself flush at that. He didn’t mean it like that, you reminded yourself again.

“Don’t worry,” he cut through your thoughts. “I’m not going to let that stop me from acts of service.”

“Thank goodness.” You in a joking tone. “You’re getting really good at this, Morgie.” He perked up at the compliment.

You’re getting too good, you thought sorrowfully, hoping this all didn’t end too soon. You would absolutely hate that.

Part 3: Gift Giving

Smiling giddily to yourself, you held the gift in your hand as you approached Morgie’s dorm. Not wanting to put too much pressure for gift giving, you decided that you two should just give each other one gift. You weren’t too worried, thinking he might like whatever you get him. But simultaneously worried he wouldn’t like it enough from you. Still, you were quite confident that what you currently held was quite nice, so you tried not to think about it.

After a knock and being let in, you gave yourself a moment to look around the room to see how it was decorated. Silken scarves of greens and gold shimmered across the walls and even on the ceiling. A couple of books were set on a shelf, one of which was titled Different Dog Sounds. You smiled and moved on, seeing a clothes rack with clothing not unlike what he was currently wearing. What could Morgie say: He liked nice clothes.

He sat at the end of his bed, and so did you after a moment of hesitation. You cleared your throat, then held up your offering.

“This is my gift to you. I hope you like it.” As he eyed the gift, you looked at him nervously. It was a silky scarf of gold color with black lines waving through it. He already wore thin scarfs like this, but you were positive he didn’t have one like it. What if he didn’t like-

“I love it!” He beamed, picking it up gently.

“I- you do?”

“Yeah!” He told you. “Would you put it on me?”

That was an unexpected request, but you did it anyway. Picking it back up from his hands, you brought it around his neck. His eyes were on yours, and that was hard to ignore to focus on your task. Then, you realized you weren’t sure how he usually tied his. After looking at him with uncertainty, he recognized the problem and took your hands into his own. Your breath hitched at the feeling of his warm fingers guiding yours where to move the scarf, creating a loop and pulling the other end through.

His gaze never left yours; doing it all from muscle memory. It was near impossible to not let your hands freeze up until it was finished. Looking at you a moment longer than you thought made sense, he reached behind himself to grab what you could only assume to be your gift.

“I hope you like it.” He whispered, still looking at you. You broke away first, seeing what he held in his outstretched palm. It was a tiny little snake made out of clay, with a wiggly line body painted green. It wasn’t the most professionally made by any means. But upon recognizing he made this for you, you found its weight worth in gold.

“It beautiful.” You said softly, noticing its asymmetrical black dot eyes.

He moved to set it in your hand as you reached out to grab it, only for it to miss its destination and tumble off the bed and straight onto the floor.

“No!” You both cried, immediately sliding off the bed. Morgie held up the little thing. It was now broken into two pieces, right through the middle.

Seeing tears starting to form in his eyes, you grabbed the half with the head and said lightly “Hey, we can share it.”

He let out a little sniffle. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “I get half and you get half.”

He smiled at that wistfully. “Like a friendship necklace.”

“Mhm,” you smiled back. “Just like a friendship necklace.”

A small part of your heart thought about maybe more than just friends, but you dismissed your feelings once again. Morgie looked at lower half of the clay snake in amazement, and you couldn’t help but silently wish he would look at you that way.

Part 4: Words of Affirmation

“So… does it involve speaking?”

“Yep! You use words.”

“What… kind of words?”

You gave him a loving look. You didn’t know what it was about him sometimes being a little slow, but it was incredibly endearing. When he didn’t get it, he would look at you with a question in his eyes; relying on you to help him. You shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as you did.

“Anything that is uplifting really, with more of a focus on compliments.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, like telling you you’re cute?”

You did a double take at that. Flames licked at your cheeks as air slowly compressed out of your lungs.

“W-well yes.” You stuttered, clearing your throat. “But that kind of comment is usually used by people who are dating, or want to date said person.”

Morgie sat on that for a second, while also sitting on your bed. His lips were pressed into his mouth, suddenly lost in thought. Finally, he looked at you again with a grin.

“Okay.” Was all he said.

What was that about? You tried not to dwell on it, or on the fact that your statement technically implied he wanted to date you when you knew it wasn’t true.

“I think you’re clothes look really nice.” You complimented Morgie, hoping to distract yourself from him by distracting yourself with him.

“Really?” He perked up like a dog. “Thanks! I really like all the little things you collect.” He looked at the aforementioned items as he said so.

“Thank you. It’s pretty effortless actually, I just keep the things people give me.” You waved him off, trying not to let every little compliment turn you into a mess. His eyes still scanned the shelves on the wall, looking for something.

“Where’s the-“ He cut himself off as he spotted it. On the nightstand, right next to where you lay your head at night, was the half snake. Your face went ablaze again as you resisted the urge to grab it and hide it; he already saw it.

“You keep it next to you?” He said in such a quiet, happy tone that your heart melted. All you could manage was a tiny nod. He gazed at you with a look you recognized in others, but you knew that it didn’t count with him; he still didn’t understand the feeling.

“So,” he began lightly. “Is your receiving love language gift giving?” You nod again at him.

“And quality time. I really enjoy that.”

“Yeah, I think I caught onto that. You know, since you enjoy hanging at with me so much.” Was that a flirtatious remark?

He smiled at you innocently.

“Well for you… I’m not entirely sure since we’re still only on number four.”

“I think I like receiving words of affirmation.” He told you.

“Really?”

“Yeah, whenever you tell me how good I’m doing.” he said, averting his gaze. “It feels like there are happy bugs in my stomach.”

You didn’t know what to make of that.

“Well, what can I say?” You said. “It’s my giving language. Acts of service too.”

He nodded. “I think that’s why I’ve been struggling recently with my friends. None of them really give me affirmation, except for Uliana. But it’s usually because she needs me to do something.”

“So you think that’s her giving language.” you asked.

“Yeah, and for receiving I think it’s the same, along with acts of service. To bad it tends to be forceful. I love doing it anyways though.”

You both sat in silence for a moment, before he picked back up again.

“Hook’s is gift giving. He’ll steal food for us; sometimes little trinkets or apparel. Like the scarf I’m wearing right now.” He looked a little happy as he recalled the memory. “He doesn’t prefer gifts for himself though, since he can steal what he wants. I think that’s why he likes to throw his arm over mine and vice versa; he can’t steal affection.” His little smile began to grow. “Hades and Mali prefer quality time. Silence with the people they care about; giving and receiving. Hades also appreciates it when I help him out with stuff.” He took a pause with a breath, then looked at you. “I know they’re my friends, but I love them like family. That’s what it is, right? Your family is the people closest to you; who mean the most to you.”

And what about me, you wanted to ask. What do I mean to you?

“Whereas romantic feelings-“ He paused, uncertainty written all over his face. He leaned several inches into your personal space. He glanced down for a moment before whispering, “they’re the one you- the one you care most f-“

You jumped away and off the bed. Immediately you regretted the look of pain he adorned. You caused that.

But no, it couldn’t be. You refused to believe it. He was just confused, you told yourself, he still didn’t understand; despite what he was just saying.

He called your name.

“Yes?”

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice broke.

“No, Morgie, you did nothing wrong, I promise, I-“ You had to get out of here. You needed to get out of here.

You did just that.

And just like that, you were both brokenhearted.

Part 5: Physical Touch

You hadn’t seen each other for a few days after you had left your dorm. Or rather, you were doing everything in your power to avoid Morgie.

It hurt. It really did. Whenever you saw Morgie he looked just as bad, if not worse. But it must have been for a different reason. There’s no way it was because he also had feelings for you. There’s no way.

It was all for the best, you told yourself. You did what you could, he seemed to understand love enough on his own now; just not enough to know that what he felt towards you was love. That you were sure of.

But no matter how much you told yourself that, it never made the pain go away. It began to fester.

It creeped into your mind like a infection, flaring up at the thought of him. And you really did like thinking of him. It brought daggers to your chest. And when you left him that night, it was a particularly cold, jagged knife that plunged into your heart. It twisted itself before being yanked out, leaving an open wound with hot liquid pouring out of your eyes.

You wanted it to stop. You wanted him. But you knew it was all just a fantasy from the moment he first stepped into your dorm room.

After school ended for the day, you went back to your room to cry again, wondering when the tears would finally dry out.

You heard a knock at the door.

You ignored it.

Whoever it was knocked again even louder. And so you decided that confrontation was the best exterminator. But you didn’t expect to see the one who was so insistent on seeing you.

It was Morgie.

You went to close the door, but he placed his arm in the way.

“What do you want, Morgie.” You sighed, tired. Tired of having to deal with all these feelings. If love was so great, then why did it cause so much pain?

“I-“ he started, trying to get the words out of his mouth. His face looked so open; so vulnerable. “Can we finish our lessons?” He ended on a high pitch.

“What?”

“Our lessons,” he stated plainly, albeit nervously. “We never got to our last one.”

Why was he doing this? Could it be possible that he actually-

“And?” You cut off your own thoughts. “You seem to have learned enough.”

He seemed frozen. “I just-“ he sighed. “Look, can we do our last language? Then you’ll never have to see me again.”

Never again? That hurt to hear. But that’s what you wanted anyways right?

“Alright.” You told him, opening your door farther. He immediately walked in and went to sit with his legs folded on your bed. Huh, you had forgotten how used to that you both were.

Fanning away the intruding thoughts of the fun times you had together before it all went to moot, you went to join him.

“So,” you said dryly, sitting on your knees in a lounging position. “How do you plan to go about this.”

He said nothing. Moving silently, he unwrapped something from around his neck. After gingerly pressing whatever it was to the corner of your eye, you caught the metallic look to it. The rich yellow color. The black waves that reminded you too much of the tears he was actively drying.

“Like this.” He said softly, moving to dry the other eye. When had he become so affectionate? You placed your hand on his wrist to stop him. He let you.

“Morgie, what is this?”

His face looked slightly flushed.

“Physical Touch.” Was all he said, carefully removing your halting hand. He didn’t let go, however, as he continued to dry your tears. Instead, he laced your fingers together. And while a teeny tiny part of you wanted to pull away, the rest of you decided to lean into him.

“This is nice.” You murmured, forgetting why you avoided him in the first place.

“Yeah?” He responded, replacing the scarf with his open palm. His fingers caressed your eyelids with a feather-like touch not unlike what he had done to your little knickknacks a week ago. How had you ever lived without feeling the touch of this beautiful boy?

After a little while, you both resorted to a cozy embrace; arms around each other.

“Morgie?” You mumbled into his shoulder.

“Yeah?” He mumbled back adjacently. You pulled back to look him the the eyes, closer than you had ever been. You decided to tell him the truth.

“I’m sorry I ran out. I’m sorry I hurt you. The reason I did that was because I fell in love with you, and I didn’t want to take advantage of you because I didn’t think you could feel the same.”

All he did was give you an aloof, silly little smile.

“That’s great,” he said, touching your foreheads together. “Because I love you too.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Really.”

“Well,” you smiled toothily. “There’s one form of physical touch that’s common for people who feel that way.”

He smiled back, understanding you perfectly.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

You didn’t wait another second.

[thebluestbluewords]

remedial goodness

is a never ending font of potentially disastrous lesson plans.

here’s one way it could go:

“Welcome!” Fairy Godmother says brightly. “Good afternoon, class.” 

Silence. 

“I said, good afternoon, class!” 

Stony silence. Noncompliant silence, even. 

They’re villains, not heroes. They’re not going to beg for approval. 

Finally, she clues in to the fact that they’re not going to respond to her perky overture. A little late, but the potential for learning is boundless at Auradon Prep. Or so the flyers that Carlos has been collecting say. 

Fairy Godmother claps her hands together, like they’re a bunch of babies, and they need a visual cue as well as the verbal ones they’ve been ignoring. “Ah, here in Auradon it is polite to respond when one is being greeted! You say, ‘Good afternoon, Fairy Godmother.’” 

She nods into the resulting silence, like she’s imparting valuable knowledge and then agreeing on their behalf, not talking to herself like every other teacher who’s started right in on the lecture regardless of how many delinquent princes and princesses are blatantly not listening. 

Or maybe Mal’s just projecting, and she’s been the only one ignoring her teachers all day. 

Whatever. It amounts to the same thing, which is that Auradon teachers are a bunch of pompous try-hards. And teenagers here are the same as teenagers back home, which is to say, they’re all terrible people in their own special, unique, beautiful ways. 

“Good afternoon, Fairy Godmother!” Evie chirps after a moment. 

“Oh. Thank you, Genevieve.” Fairy Godmother says, in a small sort of voice. The sort that’s a precursor to the guilt trip, where the adults sit you down and tell you how much they care about your future and how they want you to do your wickedest work for them, because if they don’t see your worst, how will they ever be able to trust you with eviler tasks in the future? “We’ll work on it.” 

Evie flashes her a smile. “It’s just Evie, actually. Genevieve is what my mom calls me.”

Fairy Godmother winks at them.  Like she’s their friend. 

Disgusting. 

“Alright, just Evie. A lady is never just anything, you know. When Cinderella called me up on that fateful night, all covered in ashes, she was still a princess. She just didn’t know it yet.”

“Of course, Fairy Godmother.” Evie says sweetly. 

“Never undervalue yourself, girls. After all, here at Auradon Prep, we made goodness even better!” 

She beams. 

Mal chances a look at the boys. Jay is spinning a pencil around his fingers like it’s a knife, and Carlos is staring directly ahead at Fairy Godmother, face completely blank. 

Evie’s pocket mirror is already out on the desk. 

Yeah, they’re gonna have a great class period. 

Fairy Godmother lets her words hang for a moment, and then claps her hands again. “Er. We’re here today to teach you about goodness, so you can start on the path to a better life here in Auradon!” 

“Better living through pastel uniforms,” Mal snarks under her breath to Evie. 

FG’s head shoots up. “What was that, dearest?” 

Fairy hearing. Right. 

“I said, I can’t wait to start learning. I’m just so excited to hear all about the goodness lessons that you have set up for us!” Mal says, pushing all the false cheer she can manage into her voice. It’s a lot. She’s had plenty of practice skirting the line between lying and just manipulating the truth, and her tone of voice doesn’t count as lying. It’s the actual words that matter. “I just love learning!” 

“Oh, that’s very sweet of you, dear one.  Now, I have some textbooks I’ve placed just up here for you. If you would each take one of these, we’re going to start with a little quiz, and then if we have time left over, we’ll jump right in at chapter one!” 

Mal– 

Mal should pay attention. She has a textbook in front of her, passed along by Evie, who got up to grab the whole stack of them to pass out, because she’s a teacher’s pet even in princess-land. She’s got a pencil in her hand, because she’s not stupid, and after a whole day of this shit she’s picked up on the idea that she’s supposed to sit quietly and pretend to take notes in class, 

She’s even got paper in front of her, but every time she puts the pencil to the paper, she just– 

Her brain skitters away from the shape of it. 

She wants the wand. 

She needs it. 

The wand is their ticket out, and now that she’s seen the accursed thing in person, her fingers  are itching just thinking about it. Her mother’s spellbook is one thing, but the wand–

Mal flexes her fingers around the slim weight of her pencil, which is too thin, too sharp, not magical, not heavy and buzzing with the weight of the power inside it. She needs that wand. She’s never needed anything as much as she needs the wand, and her whole body feels strange and fizzy with the feeling. 

The spellbook is fine. It’s  magic too, but it’s old. Worn out. Her mother’s captivity under the barrier has drained the magic out of it, and besides that, Mal’s young. She needs the power of the wand, not a moldy old book. Wands are the tool of the modern magic user. She can practically taste the magic, the buzzing, humming warmth of last night flowing through her again, a little bit sharp, making her mouth water like the canned pineapple they’d saved back home until they could heat it up on their purloined bunsen burner until the syrup went sticky-sweet and the fruit burst hot and sharp on their tongues. 

Fairy Godmother’s magic tastes special. Like nothing Mal’s ever had before. 

She needs it. 

Somebody stomps on her foot. 

Shit. Okay. Magic cravings later, class now. She’s got this shit. 

“I said, does anyone know what to do if you find a bottle of poison!” Fairy Godmother says, with the tone of somebody who’s been repeating herself for a while. She sounds a lot like the younger teachers at Dragon Hall, the minor villains who teach things like mis-spelling and wicked grammar. Sort of impatient, and on the verge of shouting at them about it. 

Just like home. 

Mal scans the board, and immediately identifies the answer Fairy Godmother is fishing for. She doesn’t– 

She doesn’t even want to know what her crew has been doing while she’s been zoned out. 

“C, turn it over to the proper authorities.” Mal says, without raising her hand.  It’s not like they don’t understand the laws governing Auradon, it’s more that the laws are always boring and usually archaic too, and it’s way more fun to ignore them. Being truly evil isn’t about not understanding how to be good, it’s about understanding, and choosing the wrong path on purpose. 

“Correct,” Fairy Godmother says, beaming at Mal. She can’t risk a look at the boy’s desk, not while FG is looking right at her, but if answering one stupid question gets her this kind of praise, Mal cannot fucking imagine what they’ve been doing while she’s been spaced out. Stabbing each other with pencils again, probably. They’re going to get an infection from it, and she’s going to laugh at them both. “Very good, dear. You have quite a bit of promise. Now, in this day and age it’s not very likely that folks will leave their poisons out in the open anymore, not with the advent of digital media. Ignorance is the poison of the mind, after all. If you see someone spreading misinformation on the internet, what should you do to help stop the problem?” 

“Kill them.” Evie chirps. “Cut the problem off at the source, right?” 

Fairy Godmother’s sappy-sweet smile slides right back off her face. “Oh. No, dear. We don’t kill people.” 

“Oh,” Evie echoes, saccharine-sweet, just like Fairy Godmother. “I see. I just think it would be best if we stop the problem right away. Before the information reaches anybody else.”

“And you can. Look, here.” She taps the board, which ripples into a screen. There’s a royal media post pulled up, from an account called RoyalAuradonAcademyUnofficial, which reads– 

‘The sky is green,” Evie reads aloud. “The sun is purple, and the enchanted lake is made of strawberry jell-o.” 

“On royal media, there is a button just here–” she taps the board. “For reporting misinformation. That’s what we do to stop it from spreading. We tell an adult.”

Fairy Godmother beams out at them, confident in the perfection of her lesson plan. Surely, this will teach the awful villain kids how to behave responsibly. Surely, they won’t take this opportunity as inspiration to, oh, set up royal media accounts dedicated to posting an automated feed of bullshit information to anybody unlucky enough to accept their buddy request. 

It’s like she’s never met a teenager before. 

Jay raises a fist. “What’s a jell-o?” 

“Ah–” 

“It’s ground cow’s foot. You can suspend hot dogs inside it,” Evie says helpfully. “I’ve never heard of strawberry jello before, though. It’s probably an Auradon thing.” 

“You’re an Auradon thing.” 

“I don’t think I’d look very pretty suspended in jell-o, actually. My hair wouldn’t set properly. Although I suppose if the whole lake is made of it, maybe it’s a magical thing, and I should be open-minded about giving it a try.” Evie finishes, beaming. “That’s what goodness is about, I think. Staying open minded.” 

“Ah, dear ones–” 

[askblog-cvesocs]

General…

let’s see if i can sum this up, how short can i sum up reed and cage’s lore?

uhhh let’s see.

well, reed and cage went to middle school together. they didn’t know each other yet, but cage knew that reed existed and wanted to be his friend. they never spoke in middle school, and reed didn’t know he existed.

in freshman year of high school, cage saw reed and was super happy that they go to the same school ‘cause like “yay! i can talk to him without being pressured by (the bitch that we hate with a passion).”

cage eventually built up the guts to talk to reed. reed, at the time, literally talked to no one at school ever and he did not plan to any time soon. cage asked reed if he wanted to hang out at lunch, and reed said “yah, sure.” — they hung out at lunch and became friends. they became best friends like right away. they totally clicked, they understood each other.

all throughout freshman year, they stayed friends. during the summer, they hung out less though. halfway through summer, cage couldn’t hang out at all anymore ‘cause his parents said he couldn’t.

sophomore year, they got to hang out again. for the first two months of school, they were still super close. they’d been each others best friend and only friend. — at some point, cage finally decided that he was ready to try and talk to new people and make friends. reed didn’t wanna try to make new friends too, so reed stayed isolated from other people as he’s usually been.

cage made new friends really quick. when he put himself out there, people started to know he existed and they thought he was cool. eventually, a whole bunch of people knew about him and wanted to be his friend. cage became pretty popular after a few weeks.

reed was super intimidated by people in general, but the people that hung out with cage made him a lot more intimidated. reed never hung out with cage when cage was with his new friends because reed was scared. reed didn’t like any of cage’s friends. they were all super fake. they all sucked, in reed’s opinion.

reed and cage started to drift apart, they hung out less, and they talked to each other less. eventually, cage stopped talking to reed altogether. he stopped acknowledging him when he would simply wave hi, they didn’t talk at lunch anymore, in the few periods they had together, cage never spoke to him in class.

eventually, reed built up the courage to ask cage if he wanted to hang out again. cage would tell him “i’m hanging out with somebody else today. maybe another day?” reed would nod and say “okay, maybe tomorrow?” and cage would nod back and go hang out with his new friends. — for the next few days, it’d be the same thing. reed would ask cage if he wanted to hang out, cage would say “maybe another day” and not hang out with him.

reed eventually gave up. he finally started to accept that cage didn’t wanna talk to him anymore. — reed still hoped, sometimes, that cage would come back and hang out with him.

one day, reed found cage crying in the library, and he tried to cheer him up. he asked cage what was wrong and why he hasn’t talked to him, and cage told him how his friends didn’t seem to care about what he wanted. cage told reed about the fact that they’d tell him “let’s hang out” but never ask “hey, do you wanna hang out?” and when he would say “i don’t really wanna,” they’d try and make him feel crappy about it. cage felt forced to hang out with them, so he hung out with them. — reed asked him why he hasn’t talked to him, again, and cage looked like he was stuck. he didn’t say anything, and he wasn’t sure what to say.

then, with spectacular timing, this one guy who was tryna find cage came over. the first thing the guy saw was cage tearing up and reed right next to him. the guy immediately assumed the worst. he got upset at reed and asked reed “what the fuck did you do to him?”

reed got upset back. cage tried to tell them to calm down before they started yelling at each other. cage tried to avoid saying reed’s name because he didn’t want the guy to know his name. — reed confronted the guy about how he doesn’t give a shit about cage. the guy and reed argued, then cage reminded them that they’re in a library and they gotta shut up. then the guy was like “fine, let’s go outside. i was coming to get you anyways”

they went outside. reed got pissed at the guy, and told him “that’s not how that fucking works. you don’t get to tell him what to do. you don’t even ask him what he wants.” reed and the guy argued more. at one point, reed looked at cage and asked him “do you even wanna hang out with him?” cage said “well no, not really,” and the guy was like “did he fucking brainwash you or some shit?” and that upset cage, but reed totally went off on him.

reed and the guy started to shove at each other. they almost got into a physical fight, but cage got them to stop. — cage finally had the guts to tell the guy “fuck you. eff off.” — that whole scene got all of them in trouble. the guy’s brattiness finally showed and people stopped liking him. the guy tried to make it seem like he was in the right, but that just made it worse for him.

cage was still liked. but now reed, who, before this, nobody knew, got a bad reputation. people started to think that reed was a dick for some reason. — cage heard his friends talking shit about reed even though he didn’t even do anything wrong. cage told his friends that they were wrong and that reed is a good person. his friends said “whatever” and they stopped gossiping about reed. — cage still stopped hanging out with reed. they never spoke after that.

one day, reed was finally fed up with cage ignoring him. reed asked cage to talk to him after school, and so he did. — reed told cage how he felt about it all. reed told him that it feels like he’s not at all the same anymore. reed asked cage if he still wanted to be his friend. — cage, like before, looked stuck. he didn’t know what to say. he tried to look for words, but nothing came out.

reed stood there, waiting for him to say something. — cage felt super shitty inside. he didn’t know what the fuck to say.

cage was thinking “shit, what do i say? what do i tell him? i need to say something. what do i say? he’s standing there waiting. what the fuck do i do? he’s waiting. why hasn’t he stormed off yet? people usually storm off. he’s still here. i don’t want him to leave, but why hasn’t he walked away? i want him to walk away, but i don’t. god, i’m just making this worse. why hasn’t he walked away? i don’t want him to, but this is making it so much harder. fuck, what do i do??”

reed asked him “…are we still friends? or are we done?” cage still said nothing because he still didn’t know what to say. reed said “if you don’t answer me, i’m taking it as a yes, we’re done…. are we done, cage?” cage said nothing. reed nodded and said “okay.” and he walked away.

as reed was walking away, one of cage’s friends came by. the friend asked cage what just happened and who that was. cage sighed. he immediately regretted it, but he told the friend “nobody.” and turned around to walk the other way. — that was like a fucking stab in the back to reed. it was a complete shock, he never ever thought that cage would have said that. he never would have thought that cage would discard him this easily.

they were both upset about it. reed was upset because what cage said hurt him like hell. cage was upset at himself for not saying anything to reed, and for what he did say after.

the rest of that year, they never spoke to each other again.

in junior year, the only period they had together was lunch. cage saw reed at lunch, and was relieved that they had lunch together. reed looked a bit different than he did last year. he actually looked cooler. a lot cooler. — cage had felt so shitty this whole time. he wanted to talk to reed, he wanted to say he was sorry, he wanted to say something to him.

cage built up the guts to talk to reed in the first week of school. (at this time, this is around when the story starts. specifically, a tuesday in the first week of school. very specifically, August 8th, 2017.)

cage walked up to reed and said “hey, you uh.. you look different.” trying to start conversation. this was not a good way for him to start the conversation. cage asked him “can we.. can we talk please?” — reed deadpanned at him. reed bit his lip, glaring at him. reed asked him “do i know you?” — cage was shocked. he was hurt. he second guessed himself, and he thought for a second, “this is reed, right? it has to be.” — cage said “..it’s.. its cage. you know me?” — reed smiled angrily and rolled his eyes. he looked away for a second. “no i don’t.” reed looked back at cage with a hateful kinda look. “and you think i look different? well you look the same as what i remember. except, you’re not the same. not at all.” reed bit his lip and paused. he stared at cage, seeing the pain in his eyes. “i don’t know you anymore. you’re not the cage i knew.” reed felt relieved being able to say all this. he felt kind of better, like some of his pain had been lifted off of his shoulders. “and maybe you’re nobody to me too.” for a split second, reed felt bad about saying that, but he was so upset with him, that he didn’t care. he saw how hurt cage looked, and he was glad. now maybe he knows at least a little of what reed felt. betrayed.

and the story actually starts two days later, after this event happens.

aaannndddd this is their summary. reed and cage’s long-ass summary.

this is like 7 pages. holy shit.

i told you i can’t summarize very well. but oh well.

___

[paisholotus]

Ch.2

Nalae's pov

My birthday is today. I am finally 17 years old. We are planning on throwing a party. My parents aren't going to stay because they have to work. I'm not upset because I understand how difficult their jobs are. My mom is a lawyer, and my dad is a doctor. They can't be home all the time, but they try to make time to spend with us.

 

I wasn't planning on throwing a big party, but a lot of my school friends were coming. And my cousins were coming to visit, all the way from Brooklyn. School was about to be out for the summer, so they were going to be staying with us.

 

I was getting ready in my room. I had just finished my hair and was checking myself; I thought I looked pretty damn good. This boy named Michael that goes to my school asked me on a date, and I said yes. He was also going to be at my party tonight.

Nalae's outfit

I left my room and went downstairs. I went into the living room and double-checked everything. There's going to be food, drinks, and music for everyone. Tisha also brought some alcohol; she sometimes lets me turn up and gives me alcohol as long as I drink responsibly.

 

I get up, hearing a knock on the door. I squealed as I opened the door to see my cousins April and Aaliya. I hugged them both tightly and told them how much I missed them.

April's & Aaliya's outfits

"How y'all been?" I asked them. I let them in and took their gifts, which I placed on the kitchen counter. "We've been good. Happy school, finna be out! My classes be kicking my ass." Aaliya said. 

 

"Same, where your bags?" I asked them. Aaliya walked back to the door. I shook my head. "Nah, Ant can get them for y'all." I said. I walked towards the steps to yell for him. "ANT! COME GET THEIR BAGS." I returned to the kitchen and poured them a drink. Our options were Henny, Tequila, Ciroq, and Blue MD, because apparently my sister and brother don't like the other ones. And we also had a whole bunch of hounds.

 

"Damn, you getting fucked up, ain't you?" April said, laughing. I chuckled, dapping them up and nodding. Tisha walked into the kitchen along with Ant, who had just come back from upstairs. They hugged April and Aaliya and asked them how they were.

 

I scrunched up my face, confused as to where Mar was. "Where's Mar?" Ant rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. "Where do you think his ass at?" Tisha grumbled at me. She was walking around the counter, fixing herself a drink. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

 

He was hanging with them, niggas, again. We don't know how he met them, but he needs to leave them alone. Me and Mar are going to have to talk, hanging around a bunch of disrespectful little boys; they ain't nothing but trouble. Tisha side-eyed me, still looking pissed. And I looked away, feeling guilty.

 

Tisha and Ant were angry when I told them I went to get Mar at the party. They mostly yelled at Mar, but they were disappointed in me because I could have put myself in 'harms way'. But I know how to take care of myself, but saying that would probably have made the argument worse.

 

April and Aaliya must have noticed the tension because they looked for someone to say something. "Uh, oh, what's going on with him?" April asked. 

Ant told her about how Mar had been hanging around boys who were selling drugs and other things. I kind of tuned him out.

 

 

I'm not sure what's going on with Mar, but he's been missing classes, and his grades are dropping. This isn't like him, who is literally the smartest kid I know; he makes straight A's in all his classes. We are both the youngest, so we tell each other everything—at least we used to. But lately, he's been avoiding me, and it's making me feel like I've done something. It's my birthday, and he's not even here.

 

I lowered my gaze to the counter, swirling the ice in my drink. "You can't be sad! It's your birthday, boo. Let's turn the fuck up and get drunk!" Aaliya said, raising her cup, and I smiled, raising mine. "YES, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BITCHES."

 

-Time Skip- 

Going in two hours, and this party was FAT! People were planning party games, smoking, drinking, and having a good time. It was nothing wild, just people chilling.

 

I bobbed my head while sitting next to Aaliya and my friend Miranda.

 

"Because I will be a freak until the day

Until the dawn

And we can (pump, pump).

All through the night 'til the early morning'

Come on, and I will take you around the 'hood.

On a gangsta lean

'Cause we can (pump, pump).

Any time of day, it's all good for  me."

 

The song blasted through the speakers. This was my favorite song. Ain't nothing like the 90s, man. I stubbed out the remaining blunt and picked up my cup, motioning for my cousin to follow me to my room so I could get some more green. Don't anybody know I have it except for Mar? I can't believe he hasn't even shown up, which hurts my feelings because it's honestly starting to feel personal. But I ain't letting it stress me; we'll talk later.

 

I walked past Tisha; she looked good. Tisha and Ant are tall. Leaving me and Mar the shorties of the group. Tisha was 5'9, pretty much a stallion, and I was 5'4, pretty much a midget. But I ain't worried about it because I'm a pretty bitch with a fat ass. And this personality is one of a kind.

Tisha's outfit

Tisha grabbed my arm, asking me where we were going. "Imma go grab something from upstairs real quick." She nodded, talking to this tall, dark-skinned boy. 'Ok, Tisha, get yo mack on girl.'

 

Me and Aaliya walked into my room; she was sitting at my desk, checking herself out. I rapped to Eve. Can't anybody say I don't have good taste in music because I always play bangers.

 

"If I had to give you more, it's only been a year.

Now I've got my foot through the door, and I ain't going nowhere.

It took a while to get me here, and I'm going to take my time.

Don't fight that good shit in your ear; now let me blow your mind."

 

I was rolling up the blunts and putting them into the bag when I heard a knock on the door. I thought it was just April or Tisha, so I said, Come in.

 

And it just happens to be light skin. He slowly walks into my room, looking at Aaliya and me but mainly staring at me. I squinted my eyes at him, crossing my arms. "What the fuck are you doing here? And how do you know where I live?" I said, looking him up and down.

 

Aaliya passes the lit blunt to me, and I take a big puff out of it. I glared at the light-skinned boy smirking at me. Who told his ass he could come up the steps? As if he lived here—disrespectful! He takes some steps forward, giving a boyish grin. "Can I sit down?" He asked. 

 

I continued to glare at him. I looked at Aaliya to see if she felt comfortable with him staying. She shrugged, taking the blunt from me again. I slowly nodded, sitting at my desk beside Aaliya. He sat down on my bed, continuing to stare at me with that same dopey smile on his face. "How long have you been up here?" He asked. 

 

I scrunched up my brow, looking at him questionably. Why did he need to know? He doesn't live here; he's a little too nosey for my liking. "I don't think that's your business." I remarked back. He chuckled, going back to smirking at me. His eyes were raking up and down my body.

 

 

"What's your name, baby?" He asked. Leaning back on his elbows, he took a squig out of his cup. His eyes hovered over the rim, staring back at mine.

 

"Nalae. Why you want to know?" I asked, inhaling the smoke and blowing it out of my nose. My eyes started to feel heavy. I was feeling really good at the moment.

 

I finally got a good look at him. He was muscularly built, but not over the top. His skin was a very light caramel color. The definition of a high-yella nigga He had a little stubble, but not too much; he still had a baby face. To say he was fine was an understatement. I usually don't try to find light-skinned niggas attractive because the ones I've had a crush on made it very clear they don't like dark-skinned girls. So I became only interested in brown and dark-skinned boys.

 

"Your brother wouldn't tell me your name for sh*t. I'm Marcus, but you can call me Lucious." He said that, giving me a big smile. He motioned for me to sit down beside him, and I lifted my brow at him. Looking at him like hell, Naw Then suddenly Aaliya got up and smirked at me, grabbing her drink and one of the blunts. "Ight, imma go downstairs. See you later, boo." She said, walking towards the door. I glared at her, watching her slowly close the door before she stuck her tongue out at me.

He patted the bed, motioning for me to sit beside him again. I bit the side of my cheek, slowly standing up and moving towards him. I sat down beside him, blowing out rings of smoke. I turned to see him staring dead into my eyes. It's like I couldn't look away. This nigga had the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. He was truly sex on legs.

 

I put the blunt in my mouth, going to take another puff, when he reached over, taking the blunt from my hand and taking a puff from it. "How old are you?" I asked him. He laid on his back, looking at the ceiling, blowing out the smoke. "19. How about you?" I smiled, getting up from the bed and walking towards the desk, grabbing the blunts. I sat back down and laid down, looking at him. "17. But I'm pretty sure you knew that already, considering today is my birthday." I said it smartly.

 

45 minutes later...

 

"So rich girl, how you liking Philly?" He asked, playing with my hand. I rolled my eyes and looked at him. "I'm not rich. Just middle class." I said, staring at him blankly. He sucked his teeth, sitting up, leaning on his side, looking down on me.

 

"You live in this fancy ass house. In this nice ass neighborhood, filled with white folk." He said, smirking down at me. I smiled at him and sat up, copying his position. "I recognize I have it better than anyone else who's less fortunate. But just because I live comfortably doesn't mean I haven't struggled. Everybody has a story. And just because I have nice things don't mean I treat people like they are below me." I said, softly. Leaning over, my nose touching his, I grabbed the blunt from out of his hand, sitting straight up.

 

He chuckled, sitting up and looking at me, licking his lips and looking at mine. "I like you. You hold your own. I also like how you came down to my crib a couple days ago. You slapped the fuck outta my boy." He said, laughing, at the glare I was giving him.

"Well, your boy ought to watch his mouth." I said, with a playful attitude. He slid closer to me, pulling my hair behind my ear. "Let me take you out on a date. You know, show you around a little bit." He said, pulling my face closer to his. I grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from my face. "Ion know. You seem like a fuck nigga." He looked back, pressing his hand against his chest. "Damn mama. That shit hurt my feelings." I cackled. Getting up, I walked towards the door with him close behind me.

 

I was about to answer again when the door swung open, hitting the wall. "LUCIOUS! FUCK YOU DOING IN HERE?" My brother, Mar, asked him. I crossed my arms, glaring at him. Oh,  so now all of a sudden he cares who's in my room? Mf couldn't even stay home for my birthday. Gon show up hours late, fuck he get off at?

 

"Nothing, little nigga. Just talking to you, sis." He said, not taking his eyes off me. Mar walked closer to Lucious, grabbing his shirt. "Didn't I tell you to leave her alone? Come on, we have to go." And after he said "go", my heart dropped, and it made me more irritated.

 

"I'll see you later." He said. Kissing my cheek. "COME TF ON, MAN!" Mar yelled at him. Lucious glared at Mar before smiling at me one last time and walking out. I went and grabbed Mar's arm, and his eyes softened when he saw the tears in my eyes. I might have been acting dramatic, but I need to know if he was mad at me.

 

"What's wrong, NaNa?" He asked me softly. "What's going on with you, Mar? You've been ignoring me, missing school, and hanging around people I've never seen you hang around. You don't even talk to us anymore, and I understand that you are upset with Tish and Ant, but never with me. Our relationship has always been tight, and it's making me feel like I've done something to make you hate me. You weren't even here when my party started, so it made me feel like you wouldn't come. I just don't know. I feel like we are drifting apart." I said, with tears rolling down my face. I'm pretty sure my makeup is ruined.

 

Mar lifted his hands up to my face, wiping my tears. I hugged him tightly, crying into his shoulder. "I don't mean to hurt you, Nae. I'm just going through something. But I promise I'll talk to all of you, okay? And I wasn't here earlier because I was out buying you a gift. I've been missing school because I've been working." I pulled away from him, looking at him shocked. He chuckled, "Nothing illegal. I got a real job. So I can be more responsible. But I promise Imma to bring my grades back up so we can be the smartest out of Ant and Tisha again." I giggled and was awed at the gift he pulled out of his coat. I opened the long velvet box, and it was a name plate with engraving that said,"my twin forever" on it. I smiled, giving him another hug and kissing his cheek.

 

"Come on, we still have some time before Ma and Dad get here." He grabbed my hand, leading me out of my room and walking towards the step. "Oh, and Lucious ain't bad people. He is a good person; I just don't want you dating his ass. He a fuck nigga." I laughed as we walked through the crowd, looking for my people. "HERE'S TO 17 BITCHES." I yelled, raising my cup in the air. Having the people cheer with me

[peanutrat20]

you know how two people can experience the same thing but process it differently? well i have a very good example from my life

i have a very severe nut allergy. i put one in my mouth and i go through a long process of pain before i eventually stop breathing. i have never actually stopped breathing mind you but i have come close. and not every nut has the same effect but not for the same amount of time, with walnut and pecans being the worst and hitting immediately and pistachios being the least concerning and taking their time to kill me

the allergy has gotten worse over the years and i can't even be in the same room with them anymore without having a mild reaction, but if i get out of the roon i'm fine no medication required

now i try to at least mention it at some point to people around me so they know not to give me things that i'm allergic to. but sometimes it gets missed, or someone who knows doesn't realize they are giving me something dagerous

this is one of those times

so when i was in 8th grade so around 13 a friend came to school one day and had cookies for all their friends. which included me, now this friend baked at leaat a little bit and the cookies were chocolate chip which i'm used to having sans the walnuts because of my allergies and my mom being a baker so i accepted the cookie no questions asked

now i start eating this cookie and suddenly i am feeling the distinct itch of my allergies. so i turn to the friend who had given the cookie and asked if there were nuts in them

the friend told me they didn't know, but another friend pointed out that there was a walnut in their cookie. so i quickly and calmly informed them i am allergic to walnuts and i needed to get to the nurse

i got to the nurse took some bennedryl got my mom called and went home to crash on the couch

now the friend had at least partially walked me to the nurse increddibly appologetic. and i told them it was okay they didn't know and they were careful from then on

now fast forward four years and we are seniors in high school. i am in the chior and there is a concert after school one day so becausse i'm also in an art class i am hanging in the art room

enter the friend who at this point the last time we actually talked to each other was in 8th grade, they have a pottery based independant study and is here to do their end of year presentaition

after the presentation there is some chat between a bunch of people including me and somehow the topic goes to we all go out and get some cookies or something like that

this friend i haven't talked to in years just up and said "yeah but no nuts". and this floored me

because you see i had processed the experience as just another accidental allergy which happened a lot before i reached high school and we actually got my allergies tested

but this friend had apparently processed it as a trauma. they had tried to do something nice for friends and had almost killed me

and i told them after they said no nuts i was surprised they remembered that. and they said that of course they did

and that is the last time i talked to them

but i can garuntee, if i went up to them today and mentioned it

they would still remember

[bondew]

lmao imagine not having friends cade, and imagine ur friends leaving u for sport dazz! losersssss!!

Cadence Lane.

As the professer walks in i fix my posture and move my gaze from the window to him. My laptop is already open on fresh word doccument, along with a second tap with the project. I've already emailed it so I doubt we will use it, best to stay prepared though. He begins to ramble and the 60 people in the room are visibly bored. I end up doodling on my pale hand with a black pen, still paying attention but just keeping myself occupied. I've forgotton about the idea of taking actual notes and I'm just remembering everything important. It may sounds like I dont like what I do but when you have the same chatty teacher each lecture you just eventually get sick of it. I can't stop thinking about that boy from the library, I wonder why he didn't stay with his friends, I mean they looked like they were having a great time. He was weird, reading about bugs instead of being with your friends. Like if I had friends I would spend as much time with them as possible, and I'd feel pretty shit if they were having a bunch of fun without me. Not that I want friends! That's so stupid. Maybe they're mean to him? I wouldn't be too surprised, they seem very different to bug boy. Two hours later half the class are dead asleep, the rest are bored out of their minds and a couple weird students are all bubbly and awake. To be honest they are probably survivng on caffine. I pack up my things as we get dismissed, sliding my laptop and pencil case into my black messenger bag. Shoving on a white coat over my turtle neck I step out into the hallway, just a couple steps out i run into someone. "God! Watch out!" I say by instinct. I stare at the persons as they beg to be forgiven, "Oh! I'm so sorry sir!" They smile sweetly and looks at me. "Bug boy?" I accidently say aloud. "Oh yeah! Haha!" He holds up the heavy book. "Oh shit- um I didn't mean to say that out loud, sorry!" Wait why the fuck am I apologising- I never do that! I look back up and he's just laughing while walking away.

Bug Boy.

For some odd reason as we practice my first scene, which Juliet isn't even it I'm shaking- like I may get nervous sometimes on stage but never during rehearsal?! Despite this I think I did an ok job, it's just weird how I'm so nervous today, when I woke up I was fine! God.. I spot my friends walking down the hallway as I exit the auditorium, running to them I instantly just start smiling and joking away. My friends complain about their classes and then before I can even start on mine, they all excuse themselves so they can go to training. My smile fades but I wipe it back on and just keep walking. Suddenly I bump into someone. "God! Watch out!" They snap, and I start apologizing continually. "Oh! I'm so sorry sir!" "Bug boy?" They say and I stare into their emerald eyes before realizing that they sat in front of me in the library, I hold up my book and start laughing. "Oh yeah! Haha!" I start to walk away but I still hear them say something and then mutter to themselves. I make my way off campus and find a ramen shop, I actually see a couple of my friends outside of the group but decide to just eat by myself. Swiping my card I buy a bowl and sit down at the bar seats. They don't come over to me so I assume they didn't see me. The food comes out quite quickly and I start slurping. I wonder why that guy remembered me, am I that memorable. Well it was only a couple hours ago- and I did wake him up. Oh shit- Now I've woken him up and bumped into him! He probably hates me.. I hang my head and the front of my hair touches the soup in the bowl, I pull up my head and wipe the tuffs with my sleeve. Picking up the bowl I slurp down the soup and pay before leaving. My couple friends are still in there, they were probably just talking. Luckily my literature class got cancelled since my professor is sick so I can just go back to my dorm. The streets are quite empty as I cross back to the UNI, suddenly a cast of grey storm clouds shower me in rain and I am forced to run back. Slumping down on my hard mattress I grab a towel and aggressively shake my head. Pulling off my wet clothes, I hang them on the windows and change, leaving my shirt off. I sit down at my desk with a blanket wrapped around me I check my emails just in case my professor uploads any work. Sadly she did and I'm forced to write. I begin to thoroughly read the email and I'm shocked when it's free writing. She never lets us do free so this is quite exiting. We have to write at least 10,000 words, my current work in progress has around 8,000 so I just continue that. Around an hour later it's finally at just over 10,000 and I can submit it. I make sure to replace all the swear words and recheck my spelling and grammar about a million times.

[notesoncrocs]

ICYMI 2

all about my job! my job is super chill.

my supervisor gave me two days off so i started work last wednesday (so i used that time to go exploring in condesa, el parque mexico, paseo de la reforma, el museo de cera, el museo de chocolate, the gayborhood, el bosque de chapultepec, palacio de bellas artes, museo tamayo, etc. found a market that sells insects! and another market that sells east asian cooking supplies, hooray! i'll write about this later).

my hours of work are 9am-3pm but i come in at 10-ish and no one's here usually. my supervisor sometimes doesn't come in. the only thing worrying me about my work is that i think they expect me to design and build and test the entire project (a machine learning model for the visual system of a chameleon robot) because i asked the prof what they'd done so far and he sent me a link to a github repo that contained this when i cloned it:

i am actually so scared. they asked me to come up with a block diagram of a model and i took liberal amounts of inspiration from two papers on google scholar. and then they told me my idea was interesting which made me even more scared. now i have to collect data somehow. please. i muddled my way through 6.036 and i only know how to make machines learn through google colab.

work aside, i know people at my job now! there are two mit students here with me working on different projects, carlos and alex, and we're having lunch today. i've been hanging out and talking to carlos a lot because we were assigned to work in the same lab/workspace area. also, on my first day of work, carlos and kevin (incoming grad student working with carlos on the same project) roped me into one of their experimental trials where they strapped a bunch of electronics on my legs and feet and had me walk around a room in different ways. i was so, so confused the whole time but carlos explained to me that they're trying to find patterns in people's walking style/gait to better detect the onset of parkinson's.

carlos is nice — one of his personality traits is that he runs a lot (like a lot a lot, every day for an hour or so). i remember him from one of the misti info sessions because he asked griselda for recommendations on running routes throughout the city. yesterday he told me he almost died from hiking on a mountain this past weekend. i'm glad he's still with us today.

kevin is also nice and very funny! he talked to me a lot on my first day when i was nervous and didn't know what was going on. my spanish isn't that cute but he was very patient and understanding. he made meet the robinsons references and told me about where he was from (tampico) and how the universities and classes here work. he took me out to lunch and showed me around campus a little so that i knew where to find food and how to not get lost. along with kevin i also met miguel and pilar, who all work on the parkinson's project with carlos, and they're so funny and unserious.

yesterday i met diego, who is this guy who's almost finished with his specialization and just wants to gtfo and be employed, which is so real of him. he's the first guy i met who's working on the chameleon project, and he's the one who warned me about the lack of work on the visual system of the chameleon. he's also really talkative and funny and invited carlos and me to lunch. i learned a lot of important (tm) (maybe mexican-specific?) spanish terms from him: huevón (spelling might be off), which means guy with big balls / guy who does nothing all day, and chorro, which means diarrhea (i think em ale mentioned this to me once). diego talked to us about gringos, u.s. intervention / modern imperialism, racism in mexico vs. in the us, and the spiderman movies. he also has a sister-in-law who is chinese, or something, so he knew how chinese pronunciation worked, and how to count numbers with one hand.

there's a starbucks on the first floor that i am becoming intimately acquainted with, a fancy sit-down cafe in the courtyard that does tacos, quesadillas, and smoothies, and an on-campus convenience store / food court (i miss the stud so bad!!). i'm told there's a nice gym somewhere on campus so a reentrance of a dumptruck era may be imminent. if i'm feeling brave, i might ask around to see if i can sit in for a big lecture, or see if i can access stuff in the music building. in general, people are patient and understanding with me, and often go out of their way to help me out when they see that i'm struggling to communicate or figure something out. i think i'm in good hands.

[iamthecomet]

Hoot :D

I'm super fucking tired right now so l'm not sure how much I'm going to forget but I'm gonna try my best haha

Yesterday, I tried drawing a new character for into the eyes of fire (I’m gonna draw them for oc-tober as well) but it didn’t really turn out how I wanted it to which was really frustrating

Today was A LOT

There is one thing I needed to get done until tomorrow that I didn’t do but I didn’t have any fucking energy left

In class I mainly drew because my brain didn’t work properly so I finished the entire page of face practice and I drew 7/9 of the hair practice on the next page, so that’s very nice

I‘ve been having really bad headaches in the past days again, but today was a lot better already

Also, tomorrow I’ll have my trial lesson to learn to play bass and I’m super excited :D

And I finally texted with my closest friend again (they struggle to reply (which I totally get) which is why we haven’t been in touch for quite a bit. Talking to them was super nice (and we actually decided that I’m gonna teach them German haha)

What was your day like? ♥️

~ @owlishanon

Hi! I hope you got to get some rest and are feeling better today (and that your headache is fully gone). Sounds like your day was exhausting, and you had too much to do for how tired you were. I'm sorry. I'm glad it's over and I hope today has been better. Trial bass lesson sounds awesome! I can't wait to hear how that goes. And good that you messaged your friend again. I recently did the same thing with MY good friend who has trouble responding. We've talked on the phone a couple times since then and it's been nice to "hang out" with her again. I helped my mom with some stuff yesterday. She works for the town and they have a brand new town office that she has to move everything (like all of the towns historical records for the last 200 years plus a bunch of other stuff). So I helped her organize a lot of those records yesterday. It was honestly way more fun than it sounds. I caught up with my neighbor who I ADORE for a few minutes (we're going to have cocktails on Saturday ♥). And it's finally nice enough (not hot) to walk places again so I got to walk up to her building and it was just really nice to be outside and not pouring sweat. Sort of an exhausting day, but a good one for sure.

[thegrimreaper-probably]

Chapter 9: Riptide

Masterlist

Summary: making hero names and leaving for training

Trigger warning: none that I know of

It’s now the next day after everything and the family at the store getting things for dinner. I yawn and get out of bed. I get ready since Izuku is coming over. I go downstairs and open the door for Izuku before he can knock.

“I forgot you could do that.” He says.

“Come on.” I open the door more and he walks in. I close the door and head to my room. I sit on my bed and he sits at my desk.

“I wanted to talk about-.” He stops and looks at a notebook.

“Is that my hero notebook?” I nod and he grabs its.

“I was fixing it, It’s not done but you can take it if you want.” I look at my hands not wanting to really talk about the notebook.

“Thank you Y/n. I thought it was gone, I’m really glad its still alive!”

“Yeah, anyways you wanted to talk.”

“Oh yeah! I’ve been thinking about your quirk and what had happened during the usj. I think I have a solution.” I raise my eyebrow.

“So from my understanding something happened in the water. Causing you to uh, change? And your sixth sense could prevent it!”

“So we use my weakness to prevent the worst.”

“Yes! Though we’d have to find the in between too much and too little.”

“So we’d have to do testing. Which could either go really well or really bad.”

“We’ll start with a few then go up, though I need to find a way to build something to keep on you.” He starts mumbling, I just let him finish. Ring ring, I grab my phone and see it’s Denki.

“One second.” I go to the hallway and answer.

“Hey Denki.”

“Hey! So I would ask Sero but he’s busy. Oh- not that you don’t have good taste!“

“All good, what’s the problem?”

“Do you like, “Hey name Denki Kaminari!” Or should I go with, “Hi! I’m Denki Kaminari!” Maybe something different?”

“I think the first ones good. I do have to go I’ll see you at school.”

“Okay bye!”

“Bye!” I hang up and go back to him still mumbling.

“Dude?”

“Oh- sorry! I’m gonna go home to do some research. I’ll talk to you later about it!” He goes with his notebook and I just wave. Man, it’s Sunday, school’s tomorrow.

“It's different when they broadcast the matches on TV after all, huh?” Denki says.

“So many people talked to me on my way here!” Mina says.

“Yeah, me too!” Kirishima says, why’s everyone around my desk?

“People were staring at me, too. It was kind of embarrassing!” I honestly don’t know her name.

“Isn't that normal for you, Hagakure?” Sero asks, Damn.

“Anyone notice you?” Mina asks. I nod.

“This kid went up to me and tried to punch me, same kid asked for my tooth, and then the dad yelled at me for saying no.” I say.

“I-.” Kiri stumbles.

“Your tooth??” Tsu asks.

“The kid started to cry then I felt bad. So I gave her 20 bucks.” Denki pats my back.

“…”

“She still cried.”

“Where was Bakugo for this?” Sero asks.

“She got fucking lost in target.”

“Fuka are you okay?” Momo asks.

“I just wanted a lego.”

“Here.” Momo gives me 20 bucks. I shake my head, no.

“I’ll just get my college savings.”

“For the last time a bunch of bubbles in a treasure chest is not money!” Katsuki yells at me.

“MY GREAT GRANDMA GAVE ME THAT!”

“IT STILL NOT FUCKING MONEY!”

“Shut it you two.” When Sensei get here? Everyone sits down.

“Mr. Aizawa, your bandages are gone. Kero.” Tsu says.

“The old lady went overboard with her treatment. More importantly, we're having a special hero informatics class today.” Oh no, I didn’t study for anything.

“Code names. You'll be coming up with hero names. This is related to the pro hero draft picks I mentioned the other day. The drafts begin in earnest in the second and third years, after students have gained experience and can become immediate assets to the pros. In other words, for them to extend offers to first years like you shows that they are interested in your future potential. These offers are often cancelled if that interest dies down by graduation.”

“Easy we just gotta prove ourselves!”

“Sure, and here are the totals for those with offers.” He moves to the side and shows the list.

Todoroki- 4,123 Bakugo- 3,556 Fuka- 3,118 Tokoyami- 360 Iida- 330 Kaminari- 272 Yaoyorzu- 180 Kirishima- 68 Uraraka- 20 Sero- 14

“In other years, it's been more spread out, but all eyes were on these three this year.”

“I thought I’d have none.” I say.

“Why?” Uraraka asks.

“I threatened multiple people.”

“Right, well maybe they looked pass it!”

“Todoroki's first, and Bakugo's second? It's the opposite of their placement in the sports festival.” Kiri says.

“Some people are too scared to ask for a guy, who had to be restrained on the podium.” Sero says.

“What're the pros scared of?” Denki asks.

“Katsuki alone, Katsuki with me, Katsuki with his mom, Katsuki fighting Izuku.” I reply.

“His mom?” I nob.

“Keeping these results in mind, whether or not anyone asked for you, you will all be participating in internships with pros. At USJ, you already got to experience combat with real villains, but it will still be meaningful training for you to see pros at work firsthand.”

“That why we got hero names!” Mina says.

“Can mine be a swearword!”

“No Fuka.” Suddenly Midnight comes through the door.

“Well, those hero names are still temporary, but if you're not serious about it…You'll have hell to pay later! Because a lot of hero names used by students become recognized by society, and they end up becoming professional hero names!” She says.

“Midnight!”

“I can’t do names so she’ll do it.” He then goes into his shack.

“It will be fun!” She pass out white boards and I think of what to put. Me and Katsuki have had the same hero name since 3rd grade, so it wasn’t that hard. After a couple people go I go up.

“Riptide, stretch of turbulent water in the ocean, which is caused by the meeting of currents or sometime abrupt changes in depth. Basically comes out of nowhere and drags you into the ocean.”

“Doesn’t that cause deaths?” Midnight asks.

“Everything does.” I say back.

“This is going to scare kids.”

“Girl, fuck them kids.” Some kids holds in their laugh.

“Young lady-.” She puts her hands on her hips.

“If a name of a normal occurrence is scary to a kid then that isn’t my problem. There are much more scary thing then a name. Hell, I’m scared of orcas yet you don’t see me pissing my pants every time Gang Orca is mentioned.”

“But your naming yourself after a traumatic experience.”

“I’m going to become a villain and name myself kitten and rainbows then.” She stares at me and sighs.

“You can keep the name if you can name one other hero with a scary name. Go.” I smile.

“Midoriya.” He looks up from his board.

“Gunhead, Master Driller, Godzillo, Deatharms, Snipe, Fireblas-.”

“Go sit.” Midnight cuts him off. I sit and watch Katsuki go up. Dudes gonna make a fool of himself.

"King Explosion Murder." He holds the broad, everyone starts laughing.

“You probably shouldn't use something like that.” Midnight says.

“Why not?” He raises his eyebrow.

“You should be Explosion Boy!” Kiri yells.

“Shut up, Weird Hair!” He yells.

“What about Kem? It’s shorter.” He glared at me and I shrug.

“Lord Explosion Murder.” He says as if that’s better.

“The king part wasn’t the problem.”

“Lem!”

“Shut up y/n!”

“Damn he used your real name.” Denki says.

“Oh my god I just thought of the best one.” I get up and whisper it to Katsuki. He thinks about it and erases the board. He writes it down and Midnight smiles at it.

“Ground Zero.” (Broski dynamight or however you spell it sucks ass 💀)

“Good!” We go sit and wait for a few others to go. After that Sensei comes out.

“Now that everyone's decided on their hero names, we'll go back to talking about the internships. They will last for a week. As for where you'll have them, those who had offers from pros will be given your own lists, so you can choose from those yourself. Those who didn't have offers will choose from among forty agencies around the country that will be accepting our interns. They all work in different places and have different specialties. For example, Thirteen would be focused on rescues from accidents and disasters more than fighting villains. Think carefully before you choose.”

“Yes sir!”

“Turn in your choices before the weekend.”

“That’s only 5 days!” I says.

“How much time did you need??” Mina asks.

“I don’t know man I suck at making decisions!”

“Samee.” Sero says.

I look at my list and even though I disagree with numbering heroes. I decided I’ll only do top ones, I’m not gonna go through 3,000 something people. My highest being best Jeanest, too proper. Gang Orca? Hell no. I skip through and see Mirko. I think I’ll go with her? I mean she’s a great hero, so why not?

It’s finally time to leave. We’re all outside waiting for the buses.

“You all have your costumes, right? Remember, you aren't allowed to wear them in public.”

“Yes sir!”

“Make sure you mind your manners with the heroes at your internships! Off with you, now.”

“Yes, sir!” We all head to the bus I wait back and walk to Sensei.

“What’s wrong Fuka?”

“I know this sounds super weird but could you take this bag?” I hand him one of my bags that was heavier then the rest. He raises an eyebrow but takes it.

“His names Lenny, just get him a coloring book and he’ll be cool.” He takes a double take and I blotted to my bus. Once I’m on I grab my phone and text the gang for a bit.

Chapter 10

[thatonewatching]

Church Boy-Offer

Travis' POV:

I punched him...

Holy shit...

After that, I just walked away. I couldn't let anyone see my fucking sinning face. I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I tried to hold them back, but I ended up crying like the failure I am...

I stayed quiet, now and then a small sob would escape. After a few minutes, I heard footsteps and wiped my eyes. "Someone in here?" a sweet voice asked. 

I recognized it.

Sal...

"No shit, get out."

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think!?"

"...Why do you hate me so much...?"

"Because you and your friends are a bunch of fags! God will never love you, why should I?"

"Y'know, we're not all gay. Except for me and Todd, were super gay."

"...I don't really hate you...or your friends..."

"I didn't think so..."

"..."

"Hey, if you ever want to, y'know, hang out or get away from your dad, you could hang out with me."

"..."

"Just, think about it and let me know. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm always here for you. I will never turn you down, my door is always open."

"Thanks..."

"No problem!"

"But, why are you being so nice to me?"

"I don't think you're a bad guy, Travis. Under all that anger, I think there's a good dude who's afraid to be himself."

"You're wrong..."

"What?"

"You're wrong. I am of nothing good. I am a sinner. I am a failure..."

"Travis, don't say that. You aren't any of those things. If I thought so, I wouldn't be here."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thanks, Sally face..."

"Of course, Travis."

"Hey, um."

"Yeah?"

"It's just...Mrs. Packerton said I needed some tutoring. Do you...know anyone who could...?"

"I could!"

"You?"

"Yeah, if that's okay with you. We don't have to be friends, but I wouldn't mind helping."

"Are you sure? I mean, after what just happened, I didn't think you'd even consider me human."

"Travis, we can be friends...we don't have to be enemies..."

"..."

"Are you free after school? We could start today."

"Yea...I'll have to...sneak out..."

'Oh, no. You don't have to. I could go over to your house! Or we could meet at the park or something. I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Why the hell are you so fucking nice?"

"I...I don't know..."

"..."

"Well, I live in Addison Apartments. Stop by if you want..."

"..."

I felt my eyes tear up again. They wouldn't stop and I didn't put in an effort to make them. Footsteps erupted from in front of the stall and then the bathroom door slammed shut and I heard the bell ring. It was time for class.

I opened the stall and snatched my backpack from the floor. "Shit..." I muttered, running as fast as I could to my next class. 

Once I arrived, I sat in the back and pulled out my book. It was about space. I stole it off my dad's shelf, I wanted to read something other than the Bible. He would've killed me if he found out, whatever. Not like he reads these anyways. Just for display.

Just like our family...

Display...

*Time Skip*

I went to my 4th class. This one I had with Sally...That fucking freak. Weird ass blue hair, I never even saw any brown spots at his roots. Was it natural? Weird... And he always wore his hair super feminine. Whether it was in pigtails, ponytails, or space buns, it was feminine. His eyes always shone through his mask. They were the same color as his hair, too. 

Baby blue...

They could practically see through me. That's what it felt like, at least, when he looked at me. They were kind of pretty. Actually, I think one of them is fake. When he rolls his eyes at me, only one rolls. The other one stays in place, maybe shift a little. His piercings were kinda cool, too.

He had his cartilage pierced. I think he did all his piercings at home because he had a safety pin through it with a little dried blood. He wasn't a pussy, I could give him that.

"Mr. Phelps, please read the next paragraph for us." The teacher called out, snapping me out of my trance. 

I hadn't noticed, but I was staring at Sal. "Uh, yea." I said, finding where we were and continue the article. After I finished, the class grew silent, and I looked around. I noticed Sal staring at me and I quickly looked away. "Mr. Fisher, staring isn't polite. Please turn around." the teacher rhetorically asked. "Yes, sir..." Sal answered, turning back around and looking down at his textbook. 

"Alright, for the homework tonight, you are all required to read the rest of the section and write a summary with at least 4 paragraphs and 5 sentences in each. Thank you and see you all tomorrow." he said, allowing us to leave. "Mr. Phelps and Mr. Fisher, do you mind staying back?" he called, standing by the door. 

Sal and I shared a look of confusion before waiting with the teacher until everyone else left. After everyone was gone, he started to talk to us. "I have the understanding that one of you is exceptionally gifted in mat but not so much in literature. The other one is the opposite. I recommend that you two tutor and help each other for your own sake. Finals are coming up and I want you all to pass. Please consider this. I don't want to hold either of you back..." the teacher offered, suggesting that we take his advice. 

"Now, I'll write you two some passes, and you can get going." he informed, clapping his hands to signify the end of the conversation. Sal nodded and I stayed still, tapping my foot. He finished the passes and sent us on our way. 

After getting to my next class, I sat in an empty seat and started reading. "Mr. Phelps, could you please tell the class what has piqued your interest so?" My teacher said, crossing her arms and scowling. "Um...just this book..." I answered, closing the book and putting it on my desk. 

"Hmm..." she irritably said, turning back around and finishing her examples. After that class, I finished my next with no interruptions.

I walked out of the class and to my locker. After grabbing my things, I closed it and started to walk away before someone grabbed me by the back of my shirt. I was yanked to the ground and looked up to see Larry Johnson standing above me. "The fuck do you want?!" I yelled, squirming a little. "You wanna pick fights? Huh? You wanna pick fights with Sal, do you? See It doesn't feel good when someone bigger than you pick on you, does it?" he jeered, smiling wildly.

"Larry! What the hell?!" A voice yelled.

Sal...

"What the fuck are you doing to him?" Sal asked, grabbing Larry by the back of his shirt and yanking him off me. When they fell on the floor, Larry fell on top of Sal. Larry was pinning Sal down. 

I'm not sure why, but that pushed me over the edge. I got up and threw my biggest textbook at Larry's face. "Fuck you, asshole!" I screamed, watching as blood trickled out of his nose and onto his shirt.

"What the hell, man?!" he yelled back, holding back tears.

I walked away after that...

(Originally posted on May 15th 2023 on Wattpad)

"Church Boy." - Offer - Wattpad

[fangs-froth]

Diary: unwanted turns

I don't know if it's me or her, but things took an unwanted turn in the vibes department :( we went stationary shopping then watched twilight after with the same friend from lunch, and I think I was too touchy or something (not much, but me trying to lay my head on her shoulder, maybe too much in her space, but I felt the energies she was sending and gave her space) but she's been really distant between us.

I still go back and forth if I'm getting the right signals anymore, but last week was not a great week for our interactions :( I feel like any interest i had from her disappeared after the stationary night and I don't know why

There was a rumor a couple weeks ago that she had a night with another student and gave her hickeys. And the next week i saw them get really close and touchy, her hugging around the shoulders of the shorter student. Idk how to feel about this, but I haven't asked either to confirm.

We would normally chat after classes and maybe eat lunch together lunch hasn't happened in a while and I haven't been sticking around to chat, so we haven't had much time to talk like we had been. I feel like since she's not putting in much effort in this relationship, it's probably not worth it, especially after today. She was kinda snarky when talking about a cleaning project involving me putting away furniture upstairs and her tearing down walls of a thing. She then pointed out how she used to do that soo often and how more should have been done, because she did similar things in the past, even though it wasn't up to me to go so far into the project :(. She does this a lot tho, bragging on her knowledge and experience a lotttt and it seems like shes just bragging to brag, to look cooler which is very unattractive tbh. She also thinks shes up on a high horse most the time bc she's one of the more knowledgeable in the department but it's really annoying hearing about her wins all the time

Another thing happened too but Im done for tonight :(( it's not looking good for anything to happen between her, but it's so hard to form close relationships like that 1. In your pretty close knit academic department and 2. As a brand new student where most everyone has a little group already or already very close relationships

Today just got my blood boiling mad (bc I struggle with heavy things+stairs at the same time, like anyone else) and I just dont know if I want to try anymore. My friend has been telling me shes kinda bad news with the attitude she gives and her passive aggression I've gotten before.

This is just a bunch of nonsense, but here's a peak into my little life. I'll probably just stay friends with her. She also seems kinda into hookup culture and idk how I feel. I'm not super into that, but I just want SOMEBODY. As someone who's always felt like an outcast and unlovable for various reasons, I felt very good with her on the stationary night, like something could come from this. Now I'm not so sure. But I'm set to hang out with her again soon, so here's hoping it can glean what her deal with me is. Like are we cool? Are you seeing me too much? Too close to finals? Like fr what's up?

Love y'all.

Xoxo

[averysmallcetacean]

k so a lot has happened recently and I just want to like, vent/yap ig, this is going to be a long post and I'm going to split it into bullet points for each thing (though some are interconnected) tw for bad mental health and sh/sui mentions (no pictures dw <33 ) - I'll give another tw when it starts

ok here we go!

1. I'm dropping spanish, I currently do 4 a levels, I'm in the final year of sixth form (yr13) and it's just been too much for me for a LONG time. I had a very teary chat with my main spanish teacher and yeah, now I just need to fill in the form (if I can find it on my school's godforsaken website lol). Luckily she was actually really understanding about it and while she's sad that I'm young she understands why

2. This brings me to number two, while my main teacher was ok with it, apparently one of the other teachers wasn't. I was in storytime today (a bunch of the older classics student all hang out while one of our teachers reads rude medieval italian fairytales - we started it on a school trip and it's essentially just chill hang out time). Anyway, this other teacher randomly comes in (she's never come to storytime before), but like, she's nice and it's fine so whatever. She stays for a few minutes then leaves but before she gets out of the door turns and says to me "so, do you like this better than spanish?" I was SHOCKED cause like, what do you say to that??? I think she found out I'm dropping and was upset or smth??? Anyway while I was standing there in shock my friend (parvus cuniculus saucius) stood up for me and said (in a light hearted way) "yes is the correct answer". Anyway, that was shocking.

3. I think I've developed feelings for the above friend (parvus cuniculus saucius) - idk if it's a crush or a squish or what. The only problem is that I'm SO NOT their type in any way & even if I was I don't think we'd work well as partners cause I'm a lot more introverted than them + I am kind of a lot to deal with and literally all my friends end up pulling away so like... yeah, essentially it's really dumb

3.5. This is minor but like I really just want to cuddle with someone, at this point I do not care who, not in a romantic way or anything, I just really love physical contact and find it reassuring and whtv, blah blah - I don't really know why and it doesn't really matter, tldr: I need a hug

4. This is where v light tw-y stuff starts!!! So I had a meltdown or smth yesterday in latin class in front of everyone (inc my friend) and it was really bad. I was crying, scratching at my neck, all of it, I was shaking so badly afterwards. Anyway, I'm now reay scared that this is the pull-away point for my friend, I don't want to lose them. They said they wanted to talk about what it was that upset me but that's just made me more nervous that they're going to get uncomfortable and leave.

I'm going into the reasons behind the meltdown now, this is essentially just a vent, major tw for stuff listed earlier!!!!!!

5. Ok so, the catalyst was stress about uni applications etc, but the main thing was that I've been planning to leave in the first two weeks of uni for ages and I know it's what I want/should do but it's kind of upsetting in a way, like I'm mourning the life I could've had. But at the same time I have the overwhelming urge to just leave, I've nearly left twice and I'm scared I won't stick to the plan. I'm just really scared.

The thing is, it's a mercy kill - my life is never going to get better. I really desperately want a close relationship with someone, but I'm so fucked that people get uncomfortable and never get that close (I'm a suic!d@l cvttr with no desire to get better - no one wants to be close to someone like that). Plus my arm is really fucked up from 7 yrs of sh and I'm ugly and no ones ever going to want to be in any sort of closer relationship with me, I'm too much

Also, I'm so constantly tired all the time from just living, I never go out or do anything fun, when I go to uni I'm not going to be able to make friends or do anything fun, i'll just work and sleep and that's it, I'm be completely alone and miserable. Independent life is going to be hard and miserable for me

so yh, I desperately want to and need to leave but I'm also scared

[bisluthq]

I generally just infodump about Taylor Swift in my submission, but I actually need some advice (or literally just to vent).

So, about a month ago I moved from Grade 10 (high school) to Grade 11 (college) and obviously it's been an adjustment period, but I'm starting to get used to things.

The problem is, like a week after I expressed to my best friend that I'd felt like our friend group (including her) were sort of just tolerating my presence, she texted me this LONG text basically saying that she's been trying to find the right way to say things, and that she really cares about me, doesn't want to hurt my feelings, how I haven't done anything wrong, but she's going through some shit and is really struggling mentally at the moment, and basically needs some space, and feels like she can't be there for me in the way I deserve.

I cried when I saw it, but I understood (and still do understand) where she was coming from, and was very supportive of what she'd said in my follow up messages. But since then, every time I've seen her at school she's been with out other friend, even though she said she'd expressed this to other people.

Me, her, and the other friend all share a maths class, and they've stopped sitting with me. The first time it happened, she texted me that night and was like, "fuck were you here today? I'm so sorry."

And to be quite honest, I'm upset, but I sort of feel like I shouldn't be. She's done everything "right", and done her best to make it clear I haven't done anything, but it still feels a little targeted, especially since when I told her about feeling ignored she was like, "I really think for your sake you need to get out more/talk to more people" but even that was phrased as nicely as possible.

It's all just a mind-fuck, and I don't what to do. I've just been hanging out with some other people I'm a little less close to and it’s been great, but she's my best friend and I hate not talking to her, even if I get why.

I think transition periods (middle to secondary; secondary to college; college to uni; uni to workplaces) often come with these sorts of complicated friend situations and it absolutely does suck. I think you’re justified in feeling a bit ticked off and it is - imho - a little bit personal (which is okay). By the sound of it, she wants to craft a bit of a new identity and strike outside her established comfort zone and you’d prefer to stay close and keep the status quo. That’s an impasse. I’d recommend trying to make some new friends and getting out your comfort zone too. You and her might reconnect in time, or maybe you’re growing in separate directions. That’s definitely sad but it’s a part of life. I’d focus on making new friends at college and your extramurals/part-time job. Be proactive. The people you like from college but aren’t close to - why not invite them to do something together? You aren’t close now but you might become close and it’s a chance to spread your wings and make new friends (which seems to be what she wants to do too). Neither of you are at fault - this is a really hard but normal thing to go through.

I had a similar situation actually partway into uni so not even during a life transition but basically a friend told me a similar thing. It was right after my ex and I broke up and I was sorta leaning on being very sociable and she and I had been friends since school and anyway I kept asking her if she wants to hang out and eventually she said to me that she feels we’re growing apart and should take some space from each other. Her and I actually went on to do the same postgrad course and we’ve hung out again but we’ve never been THAT close and yes it hurt a lot (her message was ruder than your friend’s btw) but eh she was probably right like we were growing in different directions and the close friendship was running its natural course. Didn’t make it hurt less but I wish her well and I’m glad I did manage to make a bunch of new friends at uni - many of whom are lifelong friends - which I probably wouldn’t have done if she hadn’t sorta given me that push and carried on focusing on like her and our other school friend and mutual friends with my ex.

allow yourself to hurt and mourn a bit but also go out and be sociable and make new friends imo!