#we got the earth “I'm never going to be without pain again and feel fucking useless to my family” angst

[ummbassically]

yesss more angst!! merry christmas!!

Solar cried.

First Ruin crying and now Solar!

I love angst

I do hope they save Jack soon

[tac0tesseract]

Aftermath

Daniel spilled out of his chassis onto all fours, flinging his helmet to the scorched earth as he gasped for air. It was stupid – he knew it was stupid. The moment Eris' mood changed again he could be turned inside-out, or stripped of all oxygen, or whatever the fuck else – but neither could he breathe inside the Goblin right now. It felt like a coffin.

He'd never flirted so close with death before, at least not without Tansy there to undo it. His mech was barely standing. He was barely standing. Dan felt sick; how did this job go so wildly fucking sideways?

Fucking Tansy.

At least for now the eidolon was apparently feeling whimsical, because the air was full of tiny iridescent pink bubbles that smelled of artificial strawberries and screamed like a mountain lion when you popped them. A lovely little chorus followed Sai as he plodded over, and Daniel had to watch him through lidded eyes. He wasn't stupid. He knew Sai had been assigned as his babysitter in part. And what chafed the most was that Daniel had needed it.

What an absolute shitshow. He’d nearly been totaled, and more puppets than he could count had been vaporized. Daniel's eyes swept the smoldering remains of Eris' cute little supernova, lingering on the biomechanical survivors still milling around. Even if the metavault hadn't spontaneously spawned a miniature sun, they absolutely would have lost this fight had it not been for the sheer numbers of their reinforcements. Zerging didn't take any skill. It all felt so cheap.

Sai stopped a good ways back and climbed out of his chassis. It always freaked Daniel out how the mech mirrored its pilot's silence – save for the metallic sigh of its greywash mane. That lucky bastard had made himself enough breathing room that the Balor was already piecing itself back together. Dan would have no such fortune.

“I'm fine. I just need a minute,” he said defensively as Sai approached.

Sai pulled off his helmet. His expression was skeptical – doubly so as he sized up the damage to Daniel's mech.

“...Leave it,” Sai finally said, with surprisingly little difficulty.

“Hell no. We've got a job to do, and Maggi doesn't have time to print me a new one.” Daniel punched the ground. “Fuck. I had her. I had her, she'd just teleported! And yet when we stood there staring at each other I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger! What did she do?”

What did Tansy do? Or had guilt somehow stayed Daniel's hand instead? No, he wasn't that cucked. The metavault was probably in part to blame, sure, but – it was more than that. He could...feel Tansy somehow in that paracausal pulse, could feel her pain and her conflict and her desperation to spare them, and Sam's eyes, so many eyes, watching him expectantly. In that moment Daniel could see fragments of a future that hadn't come to pass, where he was sitting on what looked like a fancy ship's bridge? Talking to some old fart with a nice watch, and an SSC robot, and...he didn't know. But he was laughing. He looked happy.

If you surrender, we'll take you on. You don't have to die for this bullshit, Tansy pleaded.

We don't want to hurt you! cried her princess friend.

What horseshit. That kind of weakness would get you snuffed out quick back home.

Daniel finally stood, only to find Sai staring at the metavault where the “Vacationers”, as they apparently called themselves, had vanished. It was hard to read that man's face on a good day; today it was almost impossible, but there was something around his eyes: fatigue, probably.

Or sadness.

“...Did you shoot that fire fuck in there on purpose?” Daniel finally asked.

Sai turned to blink at him.

“The Toku with the cringe paint job. The one protecting Tansy.” Why did the idea of the Toku pilot make Daniel so irritated? Who was in there, anyway? Why wouldn't he leave her side?

Sai just shook his head. After wrestling with his words, he managed: “Not our problem.”

Daniel scowled. “Yeah? So we just let them all go on a goddamn field trip? What about vengeance for Knight?”

Now Sai definitely looked tired. He didn't say anything, his gaze instead straying back to linger where that princess and her flying chassis had been.

“Oni, Stunta. You two smoothbrains alive over there?” came a sudden voice over coms, punctuated by chaos in the background.

“Legion's putting itself back together; Trololo's hosed,” Daniel drawled. “Awful noisy. Gettin' freaky over there, Naga? Should let us watch.”

“Cute.” Static. “Head on back, we're regrouping.”

“Why? Where's the chiefs?”

“Trying to run off this asshole with a huge bow. He almost noscoped Neko. We've gotta get her to safety or we'll lose the Minotaur.”

“Shit,” Sai hissed, already turning for the Balor.

“Wait, are these still the same guys who intercepted you?” Daniel asked. “The fucking Karrakins? You haven't killed them?”

“Yes, the fucking Karrakins.” He could hear the eye roll in her voice. “These aren't the usual dregs they send to the Shore, and they've got some unhinged merc with them too. Banshee's orders, get back here. Now.”

The hand of panic squeezed around Daniel's ribcage again. What the fuck. What the actual fuck was going on? Who were all of these pilots? Why did they have such insane abilities? Did Uncle know about any of this? Why did it feel like the Cousins were on the back foot? Why was Knight fucking dead? Why was Knight fucking dead?

He turned for his chassis in a daze, staring at Trololo's shredded, sparking frame in dismay. A coffin. Was this where he died, too? Rotting, forgotten, in a jungle?

I am prepared to die for RA, he thought.

But somehow it didn't feel like RA was on their side.

[moonylantsovs]

RULES | 1.12: WE ARE GROUNDERS (1)

summary: the daughter of marcus kane gets sent down to the ground with ninety-nine other teenage criminals and a fake guard on her eighteenth birthday, deciding to take charge of the camp along with the two people she never thought she'd get along with after her previous experience with authority and the privileged

pairings: john murphy x fem!oc, bellamy blake x fem!oc ( slowburn )

taglist: @lotr-got

warnings: best friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, swearing, choking (not the kinky kind), heartbreak, ANGST, bellamy x gabi development, inappropriate jokes, mentions of self-harm in the beggining

series masterlist

Gabriella Kane was emotionally exhausted, which was a big difference to how she felt when she was stuck in the sky-box. Up there, when she was locked up and getting ready to get executed, she did not need emotions, but she wanted to feel something so badly that she even ended up stealing a guard's knife and carving her initials into the back of her leg, just under her knee. The feeling stung but she was the type of person who thrived off of anger and passion, not pain.

That was not a period in her life she was proud of and looking at the faint scar still made her obnoxiously angry. She felt weak for going to those lengths just to feel something and to feel human. But now, when she was on Earth in the middle of a war, leading a group of teenagers into war against actual warriors, she had to do that without the constant need to scream because two of her best friends were missing and there was nothing she could do about it.

Of course, the first thing Gabriella did when she woke up from the few minutes of sleep she got, was going to grab her gun. Only to realize Bellamy was one step ahead of her and already given orders that only specific delinquents were allowed to carry guns and no one was allowed to go out of camp with them.

"Bellamy, what the fuck?" Gabriella hissed, barging into Bellamy's tent.

He was laying on his back, shirtless, staring at the ceiling of the tent with a thoughtful expression on his face which instantly turned into one of amusement at Gabriella's pissed-off tone.

"Yes, Bambi?"

"Why the fuck did you give out the order that no one is allowed to go out of camp with a gun while I was asleep?" She asked, glaring down at him.

Bellamy shrugged, getting up and purposely flexing his muscles (only irritating Gabriella more) before picking up a shirt and twirling it around, his only intention to provoke her.

Gabriella clenched her jaw before she sighed. "You said we're gonna go looking for them after the sun goes up! It's been up for more than an hour. If we wanna find Clarke and Monty we need to go now."

"You're not going anywhere while I'm here." Bellamy said, suddenly turning serious.

"What are you, my father?" The blonde scoffed.

Noticing the corner of Bellamy's mouth slowly started tugging into a smug smirk, she instantly prepared for his next words by fixing him a warning glare. Which he obviously ignored.

"If you want I could ── "

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." The engineer warned with a scowl.

"No one's going outside." Bellamy said sternly. "You aren't in the right state of mind to be running around the woods with a gun in your hand. We can't risk losing anyone else." Gabriella opened her mouth to say something, only for him to cut her off again, "Wells and Raven agreed."

"Since when do you listen to Wells and Raven?" Gabriella asked, squinting her eyes up at him in confusion.

"I don't." Bellamy shrugged, "But you listen to Raven. So if she's okay with not going looking for her boyfriend if it means keeping everyone safe then so should you."

"I don't care if we find Finn or not. I want to find Clarke and Monty. Monty's an engineer and we need Clarke to get through this. You know that."

"Yeah." The man nodded solemnly. "But I also know I'm not willing to lose another one of our leaders."

"So what? We just sit back and do nothing?" Gabriella asked in disbelief.

"No." Bellamy said and shook his head, "We get ready for war. You can start by helping Jasper and Raven with the gunpowder for the minefield. Go."

"You're dismissing me?" The blonde gaped up at him, not believing he would start treating her like one of her lap dogs around camp.

Bellamy huffed, gripping the shirt in his hands tighter. "If that's what you'd call keeping you alive, then yes. You're dismissed."

Gabriella held her empty blue eyes glued to his dark brown ones before sighing and marching out of his tent. When she was standing outside she ran her fingers through her dirty blonde hair in frustration, feelings unexplainable anger bubbling up in the bottom of her stomach.

She looked around camp and her eyes connected with Murphy's, softening almost instantly. He looked like he was gonna walk up to her but something over her shoulder caught his attention and made him scoff under his breath and then turn around with a permanent scowl on his face. Gabriella furrowed her eyes in confusion and was about to follow him into the supply tent, only for Bellamy's voice to stop her.

"Trouble in paradise?"

The Kane girl turned around to see a shirtless Bellamy giving her a coy smirk, obviously catching her and Murphy's exchange and finding it amusing.

Gabriella quickly caught on to what Murphy probably thinks he saw and shook her head in annoyance. "You're an ass."

-

Gabriella quickly stopped what she was doing when a loud gunshot was heard through camp. Her eyes widened in alarm and she rushed towards the source of the sound, with Bellamy right next to her and a few other delinquents behind them.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Bellamy snapped at a panicked Philip, who was supposedly the one who accidentally pulled the trigger of his gun.

"I'm sorry." Philip quickly defended himself, "I fell asleep. I've been on watch all day."

Bellamy clenched his jaw and gripped the top of Philip's jacket, pushing him against a three. "We've all been on watch all day! The bullet was one less dead grounder."

Gabriella stared at her co-leader with wide eyes, surprised by his outburst. Sure, she had seen him angry before but never like this.

"Bell," Octavia quickly chimed in, noticing Gabriella's hesitance to jump in, "you're scaring people."

"They should be scared!" Her older brother was quick to snap. He let Philip go and turned to the crowd surrounding him. "The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up! The grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do! Clarke, Finn, and Monty are gone, probably dead..."

Gabriella swallowed thickly at his words, gripping her fists tight enough to draw blood as she listened to his speech.

"...and if you want to be next, I can't stop you, but no guns are leaving this camp! This camp is the only thing keeping us alive!" Bellamy's eyes connected with Gabriella's teary ones as he spoke his next words, dismissing the crowd, "Get back to work!"

As she watched Bellamy storm away and back to his tent, Gabriella felt a presence behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see Wells looking down at her expectantly. "You gonna go calm him down or not?"

"Now why would I do that?" Gabriella drawled out, giving Wells an emotionless look.

"Because he trusts you." Wells shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Why do you even care?" Gabriella quickly changed the subject, turning around so she and Wells were standing face-to-face. She gave him a judgmental look. "Aren't you the one that left Monty alone?"

"You really think I wanted that?" Wells scoffs, shaking his head in frustration, "Don't you think I want to go after them too? I love Clarke and Finn and Monty are my friends."

"Really? Because it doesn't really look like you're doing anything that's gonna get the three of them back." Gabriella spat. She brushed past him without sparing him a second look.

-

"You know what will happen to me if you tell Bellamy."

Gabriella furrowed her eyebrows at the sound of Murphy's taunting voice coming from the walkie that was sitting on the table in the camp she, Raven, Monty, and Jasper reserved for building walking and radios.

She was about to ask what was going on when someone else with the third walkie beat her to it.

"Tell Bellamy what?"

Bellamy.

"Murphy has a gun. He killed Myles── "

Gabriella's eyes widened at Jasper's words and she was quick to grab her walkie and rush towards the dropship while speaking into the walkie.

"John, what the hell are you doing?"

Bellamy and Gabriella caught sight of each other at the same moment the dropship door closed. Bellamy instantly threw the cup of water from his hands and rushed towards the door, alongside Gabriella, in hopes of going inside and seeing what was happening before it closed. But they were too slow.

Gabriella banged on the dropship door in anger and frustration, both her and Bellamy calling John's name in the hope of figuring out what he was planning to do.

"Open the damn door!" Bellamy yelled, Murphy's little revenge fantasy only adding to his long list of problems.

"You try to be the hero, Jasper dies."

Gabriella's eyes opened in horror as she tried her hardest to fight back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. That was not the John Murphy she fell for. That was someone who only cared about revenge. Someone that was willing to kill one of his closest friends to get what he wanted. Someone she did not recognize anymore.

-

The two remaining leaders of the hundred spent the entire night sitting outside of the dropship. Gabriella tried to make Murphy talk to her multiple times, but he did not budge. Bellamy tried to threaten him, but he still ignored them.

Gabriella has not been this terrified in a very long time. She did not know what Murphy was capable of at that moment. She did not know if he would actually have the guts to kill Jasper who was one of his only friends from The Ark.

Octavia emerged from one of the foxholes and made a B-line towards the two leaders. She panted as she caught her breath before speaking, panic obviously in her voice, "I just heard Murphy has Jasper."

"Yeah." Bellamy nodded, before asking. "South foxhole done?"

(Seriously? Gabriella thought bitterly. John has Jasper locked up and that's what he thinks about?)

"What?" Octavia asked exactly what Gabriella was thinking. "Bellamy, our friend is in there with a killer." She cast the blonde an apologetic glance. "No offense."

"None taken." Gabriella huffed, rubbing her palm over her face, too tired to be delusional about Murphy's murder attempts.

"O, look around." Bellamy started, looking around camp momentarily before looking back at his younger sister. "No one's working. If the grounders attack us right now, we're all dead."

Octavia ignored her brother's words and brushed past the two leaders to stand in front of the door, "Murphy! Murphy, if you even touch Jasper──"

"Octavia." Bellamy tried only for her to ignore him again.

"── I swear to god, you're dead."

"Octavia." Bellamy spoke, louder this time, "We got this."

"Really?" The brunette scoffed, "Because it doesn't look like you're doing anything about it."

Raven cut the argument off by approaching the trio. "Ella, you were right. There's a loose panel on the back. If one of us can pop it, we can get through the floor."

"Good." Gabriela sighed in relief, glad that they finally had a good plan. "You do that. I'm going to stay here, maybe try to keep him from doing anything stupid again."

Realization crossed Octavia's dirt-covered face and she looked down sheepishly, "Sorry."

Gabriella and Bellamy gave them a nod, before the latter picked up the walkie, trying to reach Murphy again. "Murphy, I know you can hear me. All our ammo and food is in the middle level. You know that. You're leaving us vulnerable to an attack. I can't let that happen."

"Yeah, well, in case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly in control right now."

Bellamy looked at Gabriella and let his shoulders slump in defeat. He hesitantly put the walkie to his mouth, "Come on, Murphy. You don't want to hurt Jasper, you want to hurt me."

Gabriella quickly realized what he was going to do and shook her head rapidly."No way ── "

Bellamy kept his gaze locked with the blonde's as he spoke his next words, which could possibly sign his life sentence, "So what do you say? How about you trade him for me?"

"No." Both Octavia and Gabriella said, the moment Bellamy put the walkie in his hand down, but he ignored both of them and spoke again.

"All you have to do is let him go and I'll take his place."

"How?" Murphy asked after a few moments of silence during which he was obviously debating what he was going to do.

"Bellamy." Octavia started, staring up at her brother pleadingly. "If you do this, he'll kill you."

"If I don't he'll kill Jasper."

"Bellamy, you can't seriously be considering this." Gabriella said, looking at her co-leader with a mix of disbelief and fear.

As much as the Kane hated to admit it, she needed him as much as she needed Clarke which meant that losing him was not an option.

"I am." Bellamy said simply, not giving her any room to fight as he spoke into the walkie again. "Simple. You open the door, I walk in, he walks out."

The dropship door started slowly opening as a sign Murphy accepted the offer. Bellamy passed his sister his walkie and started to make his way towards the dropship, only for Gabriella to grip his wrist tightly, almost afraid to let go. And she was, she had no idea what Murphy's plan was and she was scared of what could happen inside.

"You really don't want me to go in with you?" She asked, looking up at him, silently pleading for him to tell her he wanted her to go in. But it was possible it would end up worse if she did and they both knew it.

"We can't have all three leaders gone, Gabi." Bellamy said, his features softening slightly at the fear on the blonde's pale face.

"He won't hurt me."

"I'm not risking that." Bellamy quickly shook his head, surprising both of them with the speed of his response.

"Just..." Gabriella started, sighing softly. "be careful."

Bellamy chuckled, trying to ease the tension. "Don't worry, I won't hurt your little boyfriend too much."

"I'm talking about you." Gabriella corrected, making Bellamy's movements half. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I appreciate the concern, Bambi." Bellamy said genuinely, smiling slightly, "But I got this."

Just as the last word came out of Bellamy's mouth, the dropship doors opened completely and Murphy's voice echoed through the camp, "Just you, Bellamy, unarmed. Ten seconds, or I'll put one in Jasper's leg."

"Take this." Bellamy said, quickly tugging his gun off his shoulder and passing it to Gabriella.

"We'll find a way to get you out of there. I promise." She told him, gripping his gun in her hand.

"You stay here. If I can't handle him, you're the only one who can. Now, get everyone back to work. The grounders are still coming." Those were Bellamy's last words before he turned around and walked into the dropship.

Not five seconds after Bellamy walked in, Jasper was being pushed out and the door was closing again. It took every cell in Gabriella's body not to run into the dropship. Instead of doing that, she helped Octavia untie Jasper and waited outside, hoping for the best.

-

"Do what I said." Murphy instructed after the first warning shot rang through the dropship, pointing to the red rope next to Bellamy's feet with the gun in his hands.

"Bellamy?" Came Gabriella's hesitant voice through the walkie, "Bellamy! Talk to me. Are you alright?"

"You want Queenie to know you're alive?" Murphy said, trying his best to keep his burning jealousy at bay. The man in front of him took everything from him. His freedom, his pride and his girl. "Start tying."

"Bellamy, do you copy?" That time it was Octavia's voice and it made Bellamy even more anxious.

"I'm fine." He said after he started tying. "Just a misfire. Now stop worrying about me and get back to work, all of you. And tell Raven to hurry her ass up."

"All right, that's long enough. Tie those two ends together." Murphy instructed, making Bellamy drop the walkie from his jades and do as he was told.

Once he was done, Murphy spoke up again, "All right. Now get up and toss it over."

At that moment it finally dawned on Bellamy what Murphy was planning. He wanted to hang him, just like he did with him. He swallowed thickly before tossing the tied rope up and facing Murphy again, "What do you want me to say? You want me to apologize? I'm─ I'm sorry."

"You got it all wrong, Bellamy. I don't want you to say anything. I want you to feel what I felt, and then...then I want you to die." Murphy said, glaring daggers at Bellamy.

"Is this about, Gabi?" Bellamy asked, noticing how Murphy's jaw tightened at just the mention of the girl he obviously has feelings for. "Nothing happened, okay? She doesn't feel anything for me. But she does for you. Are you really gonna do this to ── "

"Shut up." Murphy barked, tightening his grip on the gun in his hands. "We're not here to talk about girls. Now pull the stool under the rope and stand on it."

Once Bellamy did what he told him to, the red rope was right in front of his face. It was at this moment that he started to lose hope until Gabriella's voice was heard from the walkie on the floor.

"John?"

Her voice was soft and pleading, making him stiffen instantly.

"I know you can hear me. You don't have to do this, okay? Don't hurt him and everything will be fine. Everything will go back to the way it was. Just don't hurt him."

His stomach was heavy with envy at how quick Gabriella was to defend Bellamy and plead for him not to kill him. But a part of him also melted at her words, sensing the sadness and desperation in her tone. She did not want to be the only one left standing. She did not want to lead the delinquents through the war alone.

He held eye contact with Bellamy, to make sure he didn't move. Then, he picked up the walking and spoke into it with an apologetic tone. "I don't have a choice, Ellie."

"Yes you do." She responded stubbornly. "Just care about me more than you hate him. We'll figure it out, together. As long as you let him go."

"I'm sorry, Ellie." Murphy sighed. "But that's not gonna happen."

And just like that, the walkie was smashed into pieces when Murphy dropped it on the floor as hard as he could. He aimed his gun back at Bellamy, who was looking at him in disgust.

"This is insane." Bellamy started. "The grounders could ── "

Murphy cut off his pleading by shooting a gun at the fall nonchalantly, successfully shutting the older boy up.

"Put it over your head." He instructed, twirling the red rope in his hand.

Bellamy huffed and followed his instructions. "Happy now?"

Murphy tugged the rope, making Bellamy stumble a bit. He chuckled at the sight, "You're so brave aren't you? I mean, you came in here thinking you were just gonna turn this whole thing around, that you were stronger than me, and maybe one of your friends would come and help you. Well, what do you think now, Bellamy? Hm?"

Bellamy desperately gripped the rope around his neck and tried to keep his feet on the stool when the boy in front of him started tugging it faster.

"You know. I gotta hand it to you, Bellamy." Murphy taunted, "You got 'em all fooled. They actually look up to you, almost as much as they look up to Ellie and Clarke. Yeah, well, we know the truth, don't we? You're a coward. I learned that the day you kicked out the crate from beneath me. What did you say, again? That you were just giving the people what they wanted, right?"

"I should have stopped them." Bellamy admitted. I should have listened to her.

"Yeah, it's a little too late for that now."

"You think they're just gonna let you walk out of here?" Bellamy asked, trying to stall and give Raven a chance to get the door opened.

"Well, I think the princess is dead...but I know the king's about to die, so who's really gonna those people, huh?"

"You're forgetting about Gabi." Bellamy was quick to say, knowing that he would hit a nerve but also saying the truth. "You know, the only person that somehow saw through your psychopath facade when everyone else gave up on you. But you know you're gonna lose her as soon as you walk out if you kill me."

Murphy tried to look unfazed by his words but gripped the rope tighter and spoke as if Bellamy did not say anything, "Maybe I'd have to kill your grounder-pounding little sister ── "

Bellamy anger flared at the bare mention of his sister's life being in danger and he tried to kick Murphy with his feet but it only made him lose balance and almost fall. Murphy relaxed his hold on the rope when there was a yelp heard from under the floor. He smirked coyly. "I'm guessing that's her right now."

Much to Bellamy's dismay, Murphy started shooting blindly at the floor until he ran out of bullets. He panicked when he saw he ran out and kicked the stool from under Bellamy.

Noticing Bellamy was trying to breathe by holding his hands between the rope and his throat, Murphy tugged on the rope again. "Using your hands is a cheat. Mine were bound, remember?"

Bellamy was just starting to turn blue when the dropship door let out a loud creak and started to open.

"Raven, you did it!" Jasper's voice was heard outside.

Murphy started panicking and rushed to the upper level of the dropship when Gabriella, Octavia, and Jasper barged into the dropship.

-

Gabriella's eyes widened at the sight of Bellamy hanging from the dropship ceiling by a red rope and did not hesitate even a second before she took her axe out of the waistband of her jeans and cut him down.

Bellamy grunted in pain as soon as his body hit the floor and Octavia was quick to get on the floor, right above his head, and take the rope off his neck. "Bell, breathe. Breathe."

"Can you breathe?" Jasper asked, looking at his leader in concern.

When Bellamy took a deep breath of air, all three of them sighed in relief.

"Good. You're okay. You're okay." Octavia cooed.

"Wells, Raven, he's fine." Jasper yelled to the duo, who were still under the dropship.

As soon as Bellamy caught his breath, he got to his feet, ignoring Gabriella's attempts to stop him, and rushed to the hatch that led to the second floor.

"Murphy!" He yelled, "Murphy! It's over."

He grunted and started climbing up on the ladder, still yelling Murphy's name in anger. Gabriella watched as he failed to open the hatch and pleaded, "John! Open the door!"

"There's only one way out of this for you now!" Bellamy threatened, banging on the hatch.

All four of them on the first floor are startled when a loud explosion is heard from the second floor. The explosion must have gotten the hatch open since the next time Gabriella looked at Bellamy, he was opening it and climbing up to the second floor.

Gabriella quickly followed him up and almost choked on the amount of smoke that filled her lungs. The smoke makes her vision blurry but she's still able to see that all the gunpowder is gone and there's a huge hole in the wall, with Murphy nowhere in sight.

Jasper came in between Gabriella and Bellamy, who were staring at Murphy's blurry figure running away through the woods.

"The guy knows how to make an exit." Jasper comments, making both present leaders give him a deadpan look. "Should we go after him?" Jasper asked them after a moment of silence.

"No. Grounders will take care of Murphy." Bellamy was quick to shake his head, trying his hardest to ignore Gabriella's crestfallen expression.

"We're going after Clarke, Finn, and Monty." Bellamy started, surprising both Gabriella and Jasper. He held eye contact with Gabriella and added, "You were right. We don't abandon our own." Then he turned to Jasper and said "Two guns...you and me. That's it."

"Like hell." Gabriella scoffed. "I'm going with you."

"Now you're pushing it." Bellamy rolled his eyes. "You'll stay here with Raven to build up defenses. We lost a day because of this, and our gunpowder."

Gabriella's shoulder slumped in defeat, knowing he was right but still not feeling comfortable with him and Jasper going out there alone.

Bellamy turned around to make his way down when Jasper stopped him. "Bellamy, wait." The curly-headed man looked at him expectantly and Jasper let out a nervous breath. "Look, I just..."

Jasper could not find the right words to say 'thank you' so he wrapped his arms around Bellamy's shoulder and pulled him into a hug instead. Bellamy froze while Jasper whispered "thank you" and looked at Gabriella with a mix of panic and confusion.

Despite the situation they were in, Gabriella smiled faintly at the scene and bit back a chuckle, amused by the panic on Bellamy's face. The eldest Blake patted Jasper's back awkwardly.

Jasper pulled away and grinned. "Long way from 'whatever the hell you want'."

Bellamy let out a breathy chuckle but Miller's voice from the walkie broke up the moment. "All gunners! We got movement outside the south wall!"

The trio on the second floor shared a look before they sprinted outside of the dropship.

"Wait!" Miller yelled at the gunners ready to shoot. "Hold your fire! It's Clarke and Finn! Open the gate!"

Gabriella waited for the teenagers to open the door and let out a sigh of relief when Clarke came into camp with Finn behind her. The Kane did not waste a second to pull her best friend into a bone-crushing hug. Clarke stumbled backward a bit but wrapped her arms around the older girl's waist, letting out a sigh of relief herself.

Once they pulled away Clarke looked at the girl in front of her in confusion. "Hey, we heard an explosion. What happened?"

"Murphy happened." Bellamy answered for Gabriella, knowing she definitely did not want to talk about what happened a couple of moments earlier.

Jasper jogged towards Clarke and pulled her into a hug. "Thank god! Where have you been? Where's Monty?"

"Monty's gone?" Clarke asked, gaping in surprise.

Gabriella did not get a chance to panic because Finn spoke up from behind Clarke. "Clarke, we need to leave, now. All of us do. There's an army of grounders, unlike anything we've ever seen, coming for us right now. We need to pack what we can and run."

"You want us to run?" Gabriella scoffed, "We knew this was coming and we're not gonna run like a bunch of cowards to save our own ass."

"Ella," Octavia called out, "we're not prepared."

"And they're not here yet. We still have time to get ready. Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls?" Bellamy exclaimed, backing Gabriella up.

"There's an ocean to the east. People there will help us." Finn said, making Octavia snap her attention to him.

"You saw Lincoln."

"Yeah." Finn nodded and Bellamy could not help but scoff at his words.

"You expect us to trust a grounder?"

"Especially after our people locked him up and tortured him." Gabriella agreed, "He led us into a trap last time. What makes you think this isn't another one?"

Bellamy nodded at her words before turning to the crowd of teenagers around them. "This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands! Our dead are buried behind that wall in this ground! Our ground! The grounders think they can take that away. They think that because we came from the sky, we don't belong here. But they're yet to realize one very important fact; We are on the ground now, and that means we are grounders!"

While Gabriella grinned in agreement, the other delinquents let out a bunch of 'yeah's' and Miller added, "Grounders with guns!"

"Damn right!" Bellamy exclaimed, "I say let 'em come!"

"Bellamy's right." Clarke cut in, making all attention turn to her. "If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And god knows, in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn't change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things. Just take what you can carry, now."

When she was done with her speech, Clarke turned towards her two co-leaders with an apologetic look.

"You can't be serious." Gabriella said, shaking her head.

"I am." Clarke said, biting her lip. "If we stay here we die."

"But at least we die fighting." Gabriella was quick to shoot back and she was ready to keep arguing when Wells' weak voice caught her attention.

She turned around to see him trying to carry a half-conscious Raven in his hands. She rushed towards the pair, Clarke, Finn, Bellamy, and Jasper following right behind her.

"What happened?" Clarke asked, her eyes wide in horror.

"Murphy shot them." Jasper told her, noticing blood on Wells' shoulder.

Finn swiftly took Raven into his arms and Clarke grabbed Wells' shoulder to stop the bleeding. The Griffin hurriedly ordered Finn, "Get her onto the dropship."

Everyone except the three leaders headed inside and Bellamy looked down at Clarke with a stoic expression. "Clarke, leaving here is a mistake."

"The decision has been made." Clarke stated simply.

"God, you're acting like such a hypocrite right now." Gabriella scoffed and glared at her friend. "If all three of us are leading this camp and the two of us want us to stay then we're supposed to stay. This isn't absolutism. You can't decide everything by yourself."

Clarke looked taken aback by the attitude in Gabriella's voice but quickly recovered and met her with an emotionless expression. "The people made the decision. I'm just making this easier for all of us."

"Crowds make bad decisions." Bellamy chimed in. "Just ask Murphy. Leaders do what they think is right."

"I am."

Gabriella and Bellamy watched Clarke walk into the dropship with defeated looks on their faces. Bellamy let out a sigh, "This is why you're my favorite."

[thebunniesgrim]

Helluva boss needs to slow down  

I know I know take of the century I'm so big brained  

What I mean is the show is too excited  

Its given us some good episodes sure but goodness  

(You just can’t top Ozzie's there will never be a better episode and I'm trying cope frankly)  

I understand that as a show grows older and is still in development things change visions shifts yeah, I got it.  

But Viv has said that that she plans for Helluva Boss to have multiple seasons like at least 3 or so she has time to work out all her ideas  

Why is she rushing?   

like slow down babes the show isn't going anywhere

This show is so excited to get to the fun stuff they don’t want to build it up. They want Stolas and Blizto’s slow burn and love story but don’t want to really build them up as people outside their relationship or even together in the relationship. anytime blitzo and Stolas hangout together its whenever some other 3rd party is around. In LooLoo Land its Octavia, in Ozzie's its moxxie and Millie, and in Seeing Stars its Octavia again I mean at this point she’s the catalyst for their relationship. When they don’t have someone else involved its sex for the book. Bltzo and Stolas haven't hanged out in a meaningful way. Without sex  

I saw in a tumbler post that in the Helluva boss poster the fact that Stolas is bigger on the poster than the main characters who are small and off to the side. It really tells you how the show is going so far.  

And it's true so?  

If you knew nothing about Helluva boss and saw that poster you’d think Stolas was a main character, the protagonist, or the villain.  

Stolas is in 90% of the episodes and is a side/supporting character, at least that’s what the wiki says.  

A supporting character is supposed to not be important to the main plot but still helpful to the protag  

The folks behind Helluva boss are picking favorites and you can tell in the eps  

How come we didn’t get to Moxxie’s family life till season 2? a main character! But we got to see Stolas family life? A supporting character? and we see his wife her reaction to the cheating, his daughter and her view on the situation. But we don’t know about Moxxies family till season 2 or Millies family where it’s dropped to focus on Moxxie and Striker and the pain games (Sally Mae wasn’t in the pain games).  

Helluva boss made it seem like from episode one it was going to be about a trio of imps and a hellhound going to the human world to kill people for sinners and how many times did they do that? Let's see 

Murder family   

C.H.E.R.U.B. 

Truth seekers off screen at the being (I'm assuming because why would they be on earth as a group? the only people I think who’d go on earth to fuck around is Blizto and Loona)  

And  

Ozzie's off screen at the beginning  

Imp has only done their job like what? A few times? On screen that we’ve seen  

The synopsis of the show says according to IMDb says: 

And then the wiki says:  

Like what is this show about? because we haven't got what we were promised like?  

Like I get that helluva Boss is a satirical show and we aren't supposed to really be reading into it but what is it satirizing? hell? Office shows? What?  

Even “edge” adult shows have some semblance of structure or plot you know? Like Rick and Morty or smiling friends (can't wait for more episodes tbh) 

Rick and Morty didn't have an episode about not physically going to alternate universe still what? Ep 8 season 1? I could be wrong  

And Smiling Friends didn’t have Pim and Charlie do their job (I.e., making someone smile) still the Halloween episode or if you don’t count holiday episodes. Episode 5 Who Violently Killed Simon S. Salty   

They stick to the structure of the show for a few episodes and then do other stuff you know?  

Helluva boss was like nah speed run! And did the other stuff in the second episode and didn’t return to it till ep 4. I don’t count Spring Broken because it doesn’t really feel like they're doing their job basically it's not the same set up of sinner comes to them, tell them back story, they go to earth shenanigans ensue, and they kill the target. They've only done their job twice on screen  

Even non adult shows like  

Wonder Over Yander (I'd love another season) they don’t have a story not about Wonder or Syliva till season 1 episode 7 about Westley  

Steven Universe didn’t have a townie episode till episode 5  

In the episodes about killing, we could have gotten more intel on how the characters feel about their job. How they feel about each other and stuff  

Also, this show can't take plot points seriously or do good foreshadowing or set up  

Ok so Ozzie’s my favorite episode I love it :) 

But  

So stolas and Bilzto have a falling out in the end of the episode.

gasp drama!  ikr?

But here’s the thing they messed up the flow with Seeing Stars let me explain (studios)  

It makes since to me that they wouldn’t talk the next episode sure give them time to stew in their misery. sure  

So, the next episode is Queen Bee, then The Circus all goes good gives us some backstory cool  

it's going well... Until  

Uh no

Oops

Fuck 

Seeing Starts where Stolas and Blizto are just talking to each other like normal like nothing is happening between them  

and  

Don’t say they're worried about Octivia because if that’s the problem they get sidetracked so much and Stolas just forgets about his daughter.  

Like instead of just killing the humans stopping them from getting to Octivia. you're telling me that Blizto couldn’t shoot the van door open? Or overtook the drivers and drove around LA?  

Press x to doubt bitch  

Also, the fact that Stolas “has his ways” to find blitzo without his book he couldn’t use that to find Octavia? Really?  

I'm starting to think they aren't royalty. More like upper middle class you know that family with a 2 story house and pool you feel me?  

Because you're telling me that you “need” security to a theme park but you're only child and heir is out here magically unsupervised? wow  

Also, Stolas hasn’t taught Octava how to use the book. You would think that with how many hits he has out for his head he’d teach Octavia to use the book by now. Stolas started when he was like 7? Just saying  

Anyways what I'm saying is they fucked up the flow for western energy.  

If they didn’t have Seeing Stars there it would have been fine frankly  

Also  Stolas getting hospitalized and being fine in Opps was much a slap in face  

Like homeboy was fucked up right?  

Like leg messed up  

arm broken  

he was stab! With a holy weapon!  

And 1 episode later he’s fine... what? You almost died dude! Are you not traumatized? Worried about your daughter? No? Ok.  

And then the conflict in Ozzie's gets resolved through text  

>laugh track<

Also set up for like villains is kinda screwy  

So, first 

Villains we haven't seen again  

The Cherubs and D.O.R.K.S. we haven’t seen then since episode 4 and 6 respectively we don’t know where they are or what they're up to at all.  

The cherubs are a direct conflict to they’re business and the dorks are literally a threat if they catch them all of hell is in trouble and Stolas, Blizto, Moxxie, Mille and Loona (possibly Octivia and Stella if they know about it) are like fucked and will most likely be killed by higher ups for putting everyone in danger. Idk seems more important than Blizto and Stolas sex life  

(Also, if heaven and hell exist for a fact does that mean in the Helluva and Hazbin verse does that mean there are people in hell who didn’t believe in the Christan God? Also, what if they were good people? no wonder hells overcrowded) 

It's fine if they did a villain of the week thing like the powderpuff girls but in PPG the villains came back! No matter how irrelevant or lame (unless it’s the cooties kid then sure also did that episode make anyone else uncomfortable as a kid?)  

Now Villains that did comeback 

Striker, Stella and Crimson or the S.S. Crim. as I call them  

heh you know like a boat :)

So stella was obviously a villain from the start but she didn’t openly threat stolas till Western energy as well as Striker that was his grand entrance. So stella and striker were a threat and stella didn’t show back up still and pose a threat till like 4 or 5 episodes later. Striker didn’t come back till like what 7 or 8 episodes later lol and Crimson only had to wait 2 episodes to come back. Quickest we have so far honestly.  

(also, we were rob of more robot Fizz I like the way they made his voice it was fun to listen to)  

And the reason they came back is because they're popular! And favorites of the fandom and the writers and the creator  

No one's making horny fan edits of the dork agents no one's putting the cherubs in their favorite characters list unless its Collon because Collon is cutest of the 3 so... they got that going for them  

But other than that  

They most likely aren't coming back and if they do color me surprised  

The show keeps setting up problems and setting up major events then just not doing anything with them  

Like?  

If Helluva Boss slowed down then Western energy could have been a perfect way to wrap up Ozzie's, made a call back to Blitzo’s trip in Truth Seekers, and foreshadowed Oops.  

Imagine  

The episodes are  

Ozzie's(the best episode) , Queen Bee, circus, (get rid of Seeing stars put it in season one or hold off) Exes and Oohs, then western energy 

Give Stolas and Blizto some room to brood over what happened at Ozzie's  

(throw unhappy campers somewhere in there if you have too)  

Stolas moxxie and Mille just got done fighting Striker to save Stolas (so many s’ in one place lol) or better yet Blizto by himself saving Stupid ass I mean Stolas. Oops sorry  

Because let's be honest the hospital scene was unneeded and Moxxie and Millie could have took Loona to the hospital. It wasn’t a bonding moment between Loona and Blizto it was a waste of animation and time.  

Blizto (and the M&M’S) are fighting Striker having some witty banter back and forth. Striker playing into Blizto’s insecurity about the relationship with Stolas to the point the background of the cave is becoming goopy before fixing itself and they win agent striker as he flees to spouts “I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!” setting up his return in Oops before one more cheap shot at Stolas maybe dropping a stalactite on Stolas or shooting Stolas with Holy bullet in a place that’s not fully lethal.  

Have stolas think he’s actually going to die from his injuries to keep Stolas from passing out or to stay conscious or whatever have Blizto talk to him (if moxxie and Mille are there have them drive and Blizto is the back with stolas). Stolas is using what little life he has left to apologies to Blizto fully say he’s sorry for getting him in this situation, sorry he put in a situation he doesn’t want to be in for his business, sorry for being embarrassed at Ozzie’s, sorry for treating him like a play toy. Yada yada yada yada  

Have Blizto be covered in the goop from his trip and have some of it drip on Stolas. The person he views as untouchable and clean being corrupted and stained by his goop.  

Have Blizto try to reassure Stolas that he’s going to be ok and that he’s not going to lose him too. Have green flames subtly lick at the background and foreground as he stares at stolas slowly dying. He’s going to lose him but he’s not going to let what he has with Stolas slip from him like his mother, sister, Fizz, Verosika, etc. He’s going to save him like he couldn’t save his mom or Fizzarolli. maybe have the voices from truth seekers whisper failure, loser, and other demeaning things to bilzto.  

Have Blitzo declare he isn't going to let Octavia go through what he went through with the loss of his mom. When they get to the hospital and help is on the way have Blizto about to say something to him like “we’re at the hospital everything is going to be ok” before his sentence cuts off and Stolas is unconscious and unresponsive. Have Blizto yell his name a few times heart broken and worried as the nurses and doctors whisk him away. And a single feather from stolas falls infront of Blitzo as he whispers “please be ok” or a soft sorry  

But hey I’m not writer or showrunner so hey what do I know  

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[my-own-walker]

Come Back, Come Back To Haunt Me

note: part two of this post, since a few of you asked so nicely. i get wanting a happy ending :)

summary: after the argument at the party, kyle and Y/N talk (and make up??)

warnings: cursing, sadness, reader talking about death for some reason lol, talks of cheating, and maybe even fluff…

+++

Right about then, I wanted to be found dead in the woods near a stream roughly four months after my passing, and never have a legacy beyond being Jane Doe. Blinding rage made my thoughts turn wild, my whole existence in a tailspin.

I was so distraught and in pain, I couldn’t think straight. I saw no way to fix anything besides disappearing and never being seen again. The walk home from the party was long and exhausting. I was wracked with a striking feeling of detachment from reality.

My whole world was shattered in an instant. The moment I walked away, I knew I had sealed the deal that Kyle and I were through. But that wasn’t what I wanted. Not in the slightest.

The Earth was thrown off its axis. The streets felt tilted and my head was spinning. Was I too drunk? Or had the events of the night caused me to lose my mind?

Before I could even contemplate it, I heard a car horn behind me. I spun on my heel, jumping at the sudden noise. Squinting, I could make out Kyle in the driver's seat of his frat brother's car driving slowly toward me. It must have been the only car not blocked in by other cars at the party. He pulled up to the curb next to me and rolled the window down.

'Can you please get in, Y/N?' he pleaded.

'Why would I want to do that?' I spat back.

'Please, you've been drinking. It's cold. Come here.' he urged. I sighed demonstratively and got in the car. As much as I didn't want to be without him, I sure didn't want to be with him in that moment. He tossed his sweatshirt over onto my lap and I put it on. I was cold, after all. We drove in silence some time, Kyle navigating his way to the park near our shared apartment. He threw the car in park under a large elm tree.

'Can you just let me talk?' Kyle started. I kept my arms folded in front of me, not even turning to look at him. 'You need to understand that that meant nothing. That whole thing with the girl.'

'And you need to understand that I'm not just upset about that,' I retorted. 'This is deeper than that.'

'You're being crazy right now,' he muttered.

'I'm being crazy? Yeah? Is that how you plan to fix this?'

'I'm just saying, you're making this into something it's not,' he huffed. 'You're upset about that girl but now it's a big fucking issue about other things.'

'Kyle, you gave her more attention at a party than you've ever given me, and we've been dating for over a year,' I exclaimed. 'You get off on ignoring me in public or something!'

'Look, she meant nothing-'

'Kyle, you keep saying that. And it only means half as much when you say it over and over,' I cried. 'This isn't just about her.'

'Then what is it about? Making my night miserable? This is so stupid,' he whined.

I couldn’t take it anymore. He was acting dense on purpose. I got out of the car with a huff and began walking toward the park's grass, putting the hood of the sweatshirt Kyle gave me up over my head in the process.

‘Wait!’ Kyle called. ‘Y/N! Where are you going?’

I stomped over to what looked like a clear enough spot and flopped down onto my back, arms outstretched on either side of me. I could hear Kyle’s frantic footsteps drawing nearer to me.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked, baffled, panting slightly from running over.

‘Laying down,’ I replied, simply. I was in fact, just laying down. I needed to feel the bugs in the grass make my skin itch. I wanted the tiny dry green blades to poke into me just enough to make me uncomfortable. I wanted to get just slightly wet from the dew that had already formed on the ground. I was willing nature to reclaim me. I wanted to feel something.

'Y/N, it's cold,' Kyle stated, flopping down next to me. 'We should go inside.'

'I don't care,' I replied apathetically. 'You refuse to hear me, so I'm done with the conversation. I'll lay here until I don't want to anymore. Hanging out where I don't belong is nothing new to me.'

'I hear you. I'm hearing you,' he replied.

'But you're not, because now I'm crazy. Leave me alone.'

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that,' he said lowly.

'And yet you said it. Words and actions hurt,' I whispered. I stared up at the night sky with tears in my eyes. I could make out Orion's Belt and nothing else. I wasn't a much of a stargazer.

'I want to understand,' he spoke. His elbow brushed up against my fingertips as he adjusted his position in the grass. I shied away from the contact, still unwilling to even look at him. 'This grass is scratchy.'

'What you don't get is your tendency to abandon me in public social situations, Kyle. You don't even look at me at parties. And we go every fucking weekend, so it's a bit grating after time,' I explained.

'Like I said, I just figured you got it. You can hold your own.'

'Have you ever stopped and asked me if that was true? You just assume I'm fine, but clearly it's something that's hard for me,' I countered.

'I'm sorry. I just get wrapped up,' he answered.

'In nonsense. In talking to other girls, apparently. It just baffles me.'

'Y/N I love you. I'm an idiot, I think,' he murmured. 'I never thought to make sure you were okay.'

'Clearly,' I snarked. Kyle sat up and scooted closer to me so that his head hung just above mine.

'Now will ya look at me?' he smiled. I stifled my own show of emotion, preventing the corners of my mouth from curling upwards. Man, was he cute. 'I'm gonna make you look at me.' He followed my face with his as I moved it around, trying in vain to avoid eye contact. Eventually, he caught me. I couldn't help but giggle a bit. "Oh, look! And I got ya to smile,' he laughed.

I reached my hand up to his cheek and pushed it lightly. 'You're so annoying,' I smirked.

'I really am sorry. I'm just so self-centered at times,' he laughed sardonically. 'My mom always said that about me.'

'Oh hush,' I replied. 'You're a stupid boy, not self-centered. And anyways we're all a little self-centered at the end of the day.'

Kyle got up. He stood in front of me, in between my outstretched legs, and held out his hands to help me up. I rolled my eyes but didn't object, reaching up to be helped. He scooped me up with no issue, slinging me over his shoulder to carry me to the car. I cackled in amusement at his forcefulness. He placed me in the car carefully and circled around to get in the drivers seat.

'Let's go home,' he declared.

'But this is Ryan's car, right?' I asked.

'He can figure out another way home.'

+++

Semi-based on a real thing that has happened in my life recently LMAO. I love writing semi-toxic arguments 😈

[ink-flavored]

for pride and justice: 3, 4, 16, 19

thank you!! yay i get to talk about Them <3

3. What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

Justice's first impression of Pride was "oh no a demon is trying to get through the gates, I have to stop him!" and Pride's first impression of Justice was "oh fuck i'm getting chased by an angel that's not good!" So. They had an interesting meet-cute.

They go from that to "annoyed but stuck together because they're on the run" to "begrudging respect that I will not admit is care" on Pride's end and "genuine desire to understand" on Justice's end, all the way to "gay love ride or die forever."

4. How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Pride, about Justice: "Tall. Obnoxiously tall. Long hair. And the rest of him is like... cherub-face. Not, like, baby face, but you know. Round. Soft. The smiley approachable type. Absolutely no edge, except when he's swinging the sword around. And he does it in the living room, which is probably the worst idea he's had since chasing me down to Earth. Although I guess I get a bit of a show, with the whole swordsman's body thing, so it's not totally annoying. And he's got freckles everywhere...

Anyway. Uh, he's nice! Kind of too nice, if you ask me. He doesn't know when to quit it with that shit, you let him do one nice thing and it's like he can't stop. I can't even count how many times we've had to stop in the middle of the street to let him fix some rando's problem. Even the other angels got sick of him, which... would be funnier if it wasn't my fault, I guess. Don't tell him I said that.

Justice tries way too hard. He can't stop trying too hard. It's kinda scary? I don't really give a shit if he wants to spend all his free time playing guardian angel, but you start to feel bad for the guy. It's like he can't turn off the little voice that tells him Big G is gonna be soooo mad if he doesn't meet his Virtue Quota. It makes being a demon seem like the better option.

I don't know. He needs to get a little more selfish. Prideful, even. Don't tell him I said that either."

Justice, about Pride: "Pride is colorful, in language and mannerisms. He always wears the flashiest thing he can find, I honestly can't tell if he's going to the store or going to a bar with his friends most days. It's... a lot, but also wonderful in it's own way. I don't think there are a lot of people who are even half that confident about their style as he is. I like his piercings, too, they really suit him. And the goatee, messy hair—he's very rough around the edges, and I think it's on purpose that he looks the part.

I wish we got along better, honestly. I think—I know he's been hurt a lot in his life, so I don't blame him for being distant with me. We're from completely opposite worlds, after all. I just hope he isn't so driven by his pain that he thinks he can't heal from it.

Pride is so angry, and it really breaks my heart sometimes. I don't want to say that to him, because I know he'll take it the wrong way, but it's just how I feel. It's awful that he's had to go through so much alone. He doesn't ask for help because he thinks can't trust anybody but himself.

I wish he would trust me. Again, I don't know how to say that without coming off like I pity him. I just want him to be okay. I'm not sure if he knows I can feel his pain, but... I want to help make it stop."

16. Is one of them keeping secrets from the other? Why? How would they react if the secret was revealed?

For a long time, Pride was keeping the secret that he'd literally die if his demon contract couldn't be fulfilled. At first, it was because he didn't want an angel to know his one fatal weakness, but the longer it went the more he just... didn't want to think about it. "I will ignore the problem and then it'll go away," type. He didn't want to ruin this perfect never-before-experienced love by reminding himself and admitting to Justice how much danger he's truly in. He eventually reveals it himself, but if it had been discovered early he would have panicked and tried to flee the situation (he would fail)

Justice's secret is that he used to be very emo teenager (or the angel equivalent of a teenager anyway). He's keeping this secret because it's so so embarrassing. When Kindness reveals this secret to Pride behind his back the first thing he does is crumble into a pile of dust.

19. Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

For a long time, Pride fought the idea that he even wanted to be friends with Justice. He didn't want to admit he wanted an angel to like him, it felt like debasing himself. At the same time, he had so many feelings about Justice that would not let him be normal. When they get together, the only thing Pride wants is for them to be physically attached at the hip so he can have attention whenever he wants.

Justice was far more able to accept how he felt about Pride, but kept it to himself because he thought Pride wouldn't want him that way. He did secretly yearn for a deeper friendship, if nothing else, because he could tell there was more to Pride than what he saw on the surface. When it turns out Pride wants him back, he is more than happy to spend every day of the rest of his life at his side. So they're both pretty satisfied with that!

[send me a couple ask]

[saratinz]

Fine China

pairing ➩ Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Natasha x Sam (Modern AU)

warnings ➩ depression, addiction, alcohol, pills, angst, sad ending, cheating

synopsis ➩ Based off 'Fine China' by Lana Del Rey

word count ➩ 1.9k

You stare at the white dress you once loved so dearly. “Yeah, of course you can have it, Natasha.” 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you again. I know what I’m asking is insensitive, but this, it really means a lot.” 

“It’s okay, Nat. You’re going to look stunning. I’ve been left on my wedding day, twice, think I have a problem, and until I figure that out, I can’t be anywhere near this shit.”

“Thank you so much. God I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m so happy for you.” 

“I know this is asking a lot, but will you be my maid of honor?”

“I’d love to.” You put on your best fake smile. But as soon as she leaves, you slide down your wall, screaming to numb the pain you’ve been through in 

Four years ago

I wore diamonds for the birth of your baby

For the birth of your son

Steve Rogers always wanted a child, just his fatherly nature I guess. His ex-wife, Margaret, has always been a third in your relationship. You get the call while getting your makeup and hair done, quickly getting off your chair to drive to the hospital. You were shocked that this baby is coming out, considering it a month before his due date. Peggy manages to look gorgeous even while going through one of the most painful things known to man. “Hey sweetheart, can we talk in private for a second?” Steve pulls you into the hall.

“Oh, of course.” 

On the same day, my husband-to-be

Packed his things to run

“I’m so sorry , Y/n, my family is the most important thing to me right now.”

“I thought I was your family.”

“I love them.”

“I know that but do you really, y’know, love her that way?”

“I do.”

“You were supposed to say that to me.” You half-heartedly chuckle.

“Can you not joke right now.”

“Fuck you Steve. I gave up everything for you, I listened to you, I stayed with you after you cheated on me and impregnated Peggy, I was even gonna raise a child with you at 25.”

Was bittersweet to say the least

One life begins, one comes undone

You drive away from the hospital, speeding home to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

I've always been a strong woman of faith

Strong like a tree, but the unlucky one

You haven’t cried in years. When you went through your first break-up, you vowed never to cry over a boy again. And you didn’t. But right now, in this situation, you figure that it constitutes a few tears.

I'm going down now

With all of my

You feel broken. After suppressing every painful event in your life for nine years, you finally express your emotions. It’s a rough night, and all you could do was cry until you couldn’t anymore.

Fine china and fresh linen

All of my dresses with them tags still on them

You get a storage unit, and keep everything from your wedding that never happened, hoping that one day, you would get to use it for real.

Fine china and dull silver

My white horses and my ivory almonds

“You’re a beautiful girl, sure you want to mess with this stuff.”

“Give me the goddamn pills, Luke.”

I guess they really got the best of us, didn't they?

They said that love was enough, but it wasn’t

You think of the time you almost broke up with Steve. It was when Peggy found out she was pregnant, but the two of you had been together for a year, meaning that he cheated without a doubt. Your friends tried to help, but the best they could muster was a question. “Do you love him?”

“I do, yeah.”

“Then maybe that’s your answer.”

The Earth shattered, the sky opened 

The rain was fire, but we were wooden

All hell broke loose, as all of your friends found out Steve left you. Some of them were understanding, some of them dropped him immediately. One of those being Bucky Barnes, who was the only person who didn’t talk to you like you could break at any moment. And over the next year, you fell in love, the next year you got engaged. And now, three years after Steve broke your heart, you find yourself getting ready to be wed. You can’t believe you’re finally going to live your dream. 

I wore diamonds for the day of our wedding

For our day in the sun

You felt beautiful in your dress. “Y/n . We need to talk.”

“Buck, you’re not supposed to see me, it’s like, bad luck or whatever.” You let out a little laugh. You were never the superstitious type.

On the same day, my mother-to-be said she wouldn't come

“My mom, she’s not coming.”

“Oh god, is she sick or something. It would be a little tricky, but we could figure out rescheduling.”

“No, she’s just refusing to come.”

“I thought your mom liked me. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s not you, it’s just, I told her about your little pill problem.”

“What are you talking about”

“Don’t play dumb, I know you’re not on anti-depressants like you say. I may not be a doctor but I have Google.”

It's always been that way with me

No time for change, no time for fun

“Okay I’m sorry for lying, but what gave you the right to rifle through my stuff, and then talk to your mom  instead of me about it?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? Wait, you’re not talking about, no, what the fuck James? No, this, it can’t be happening again.”

It's always been that way, it seems

One love begins, one comes undone

“I’m so sorry, Y/n, I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t sit back and watch as you kill yourself.”

“Oh my god, so you’re leaving me because I like to relax.”

“It’s not just pills you’re addicted to, you’re addicted to me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means you’re like a leach, sucking the life force out of me. You’re never satisfied.”

“I didn’t want you to leave like Steve did.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“I do.”

“I’m never gonna hear you say those words, am I?”

“I don’t know, Y/n, maybe one day.”

I'm going down now

With all of my

“So, I’ll do whatever I have to, I wanna be with you, I’ll get help. I’ll go to therapy, I’ll do whatever it takes, just please. Please.”

“I love you, Y/n, I always will.”

Fine china and fresh linen

All of my dresses with them tags still on them

Back to your storage unit, everything goes. You really thought this was it. You’re a fucking idiot.

Fine china and dull silver

My white horses and my ivory almonds

You try to get clean, and you manage to stay that way for three months. But one day, when you couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky and your sponsor was on vacation, you take a little trip to your favorite dealer. “Hey, haven’t seen you in awhile. You getting sober or something?”

“Went to rehab, stayed off drugs for a guy. I’m just gonna ruin my chance with him, I guess.”

“You sure you wanna do that?”

“Fuck him, I need to think about me.”

I guess they really got the best of us, didn't they?

They said that love was enough, but it wasn’t

“I’m using again Bucky, and I’m not gonna stop.”

“Please don’t do this.”

The Earth shattered, the sky opened

The rain was fire, but we were wooden

“I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, me too.”

Present day

All of my, all of my fine china

After five drinks and two pills, you get up on the little stage area that was set up.

All of my, all of my fine china

“Hey guys, as the maid of honor, I would like to say congratulations to my best friend and her wonderful new husband, Sam. But oh my god, if I hear anyone compliment the table cloth, dishes, decor, or god forbid the dress, I’m going to scream.”

All of my, all of my fine china

“Funny story actually, this was all supposed to be for my wedding. Bucky, where are you? Oh there he is. Handsome, right? Kind of an asshole but if you’re looking for a hook up, I highly recommend. He’s my ex who left me on our wedding day, so, yikes.”

Blue, ah, blue

“She stole my whole wedding. Hell she even stole the lingerie I was planning on wearing for my wedding night. So none of this planning is hers is what I’m trying to say. Guess I could be a fucking wedding planner or something. Ha, wouldn’t that be ironic, the girl who can’t seem to get married helping other people live her dream.”

All of my, all of my fine china

Natasha looks furious. But she didn’t want to stop you. She had done something pretty fucked up too, and even though you said you were okay, she knew you. She knew the pain you were going through. Not from experience though, only listening. She could never fully comprehend the damage done.

All of my, all of my fine china

You continue to embarrass yourself, but you’re too cross-faded to care.

Blue, ah

“Is anyone else still thinking about how weird it is that she’s wearing my underwear? I mean, I never wore them but it still seems a bit strange. Here’s a little secret, that’s her something blue.”

Fine china and fresh linen

All of my dresses with them tags still on them

The next morning, you wake with the worst hangover of your life. Oh shit, you ruined Nat’s wedding. As if things couldn’t get any worse, you’re not even in your apartment. Where the fuck are you?

Fine china and dull silver

My white horses and my ivory almonds

“Hey sleepyhead.” 

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck happened last night?”

“You don’t remember? We had sex.”

“Oh god, what about Peggy?”

“She’s a bitch, I never should have left you.”

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”

“What’s wrong baby?”

“You’re a terrible person. I need to go.” You scurry out of that hell-scape, cursing your drunk self.

I guess they really got the best of us, didn't they?

They said that love was enough, but it wasn’t

“I’d like to check into rehab again.” 

“That’s good Y/n.”

“I have one question, though.”

“What is it?”

“You were never gonna get back together with me, right? I mean it was pretty good incentive, but you were never serious.”

“No, we still have a chance.”

“Cut the shit Bucky. You don’t have to lie to me, just stop playing with my emotions.”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Goodbye James.”

The Earth shattered, the sky opened

The rain was fire, but we were wooden

“Here you go. Everything you asked for is there.” Nat gives you boxes upon boxes of your wedding stuff back. 

Fine china, fine china, fine china

You break every plate, cup, and bowl.

Fresh linen, fresh linen, fresh linen

You burn every table cloth, napkin, and the dress you now hate with your whole heart.

Maybe one day you’ll get married, but you needed this stuff gone, and you needed to never think about it again. So far all you’ve gotten out of your engagements was depression, addiction, and some shards of fine china.

Masterlist / Spinoff series

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hi Kiko! I hope youre doing okay today. I just wanted to message you to say I'm really looking forward to your patreon and can't wait to sign up 😁 ever since I came across your page, I have love love LOVEDD following/reading your stories and just whatever you post in general.

I also wanted to say that I really relate to what you're going through, and I'm sorry. I've been through something very similar to you, in that Ive had a break up from someone I really truly thought id be with forever (we were married, I left bc he was an alcoholic, and he died 6 months later from alcohol poisoning before the divorce actually went thru) and I was with him since high school so it really messed me up trying to live without him, even though living WITH him was hell.

I know this might seem like TMI, but I know that feeling alone on top of going through something like this can be painful. I guess I just want you to know that Ive been where you are in some fashion, and I don't know what's on the other side, but you're not alone. sometimes (all the time) I feel like no one gets what I've been through. So, it's refreshing to see you be open and honest about your hardships, bc real life is fucking hard. And I honestly didn't think it would be this way, but here I am. And I guess that's ok, so long as I can find happiness in little things, if not bigger things in life, like reading your stories and following your page/other artists. So thanks for that, and keep being you bc it means something to me 💓 ❣️❣️

Hi sweet anon!

OKAY. FIRST OFF, I AM SO SORRY THAT IT'S TAKEN ME OVER A MONTH TO RESPOND TO THIS! I kept telling myself I needed to respond to it, and then got distracted or couldn't think of the words to say. I've been second-guessing myself a lot lately when it comes to talking to people or answering messages, so again, I'm so sorry 😭

Sweet, sweet anon, I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I definitely understand the feeling of struggling to live without someone even though living with them was even worse. I saw a thing not long ago that said something like 'you're allowed to miss the people you no longer want in your life' and I think that toxic/abusive relationships absolutely encompass that. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive, and so many people have asked me why on earth I married him or stayed with him for so long, and the only answer I can give is because I did love him. But eventually, that love wasn't enough to make up for how horribly he treated me when he was in a bad mood. I could say more, but I'll spare you and everyone else an overly long rant about things I've semi-discussed before.

I appreciate this message so much. And it's one reason I took so long to respond because I wasn't sure how to even express how much it means to me that you sent this. It's simultaneously been one of the best and worst years of my life. It's been great because I started finding myself and who I am outside of my toxic marriage, but the worst because there's been so much change and so many big things that are terrifying, and the uncertainty now of being unemployed just makes it all worse. I've also been coming to terms with a lot of things I genuinely never knew were due to my autism, and the anger that comes from realizing just how unfair everything has been. Because life just isn't fair and that fucking sucks. Because no matter how hard you try, sometimes it really isn't enough but that doesn't mean that you aren't enough and that's something that's easier said than felt.

Your message made me tear up a bit while I was reading it for so many reasons, but one of them was being told that the things I create actually make people happier and their days even a tiny bit brighter. It's so easy to fall into a rut and feel like nothing I do is worth anything because I was told that for so long by people that I respected and loved. So thank you. Thank you so much for being part of this lil corner and for this message and for being here. Thank YOU for being you. Please, please keep doing that because you're beautiful and wonderful and incredibly strong.

Also, a small side note: the coffee shop job I mentioned a bit ago worked out and I should be starting tomorrow! And I'm moving next week, so life is about to be even more chaotic than it already is. BUT, I've also got a lil extra for Physical Paradox planned soon so keep an eye out for that 👀

Thank you again for your sweet message, and I hope you're well!!

💕💕

[bookishjules]

thought dump for the midnight heir?? I feel like we’ve both been swept into a resurgence. I’ve got my own opinions but you seem to see a lot of the symbolism etc which I do love! But talk about anything, I’m just hungry for perspectives!

(idk how many original thoughts i have for you, so i'm just gonna go off and hope something lands lol)

one thing that's always been really intriguing to me is how the pure love that persists between tessa, will, and jem, can sour and become something sick from james' perception, that he would use his resentment of that love and as a measure for the damning pain he's in and thus an impetus to be intentionally careless with his life. while on the other hand, we have jesse who, according to tatiana, held onto life for his own mother, a mother who may have loved him but who would have taught only hatred and vengeance, of the wrongs that the world committed toward their family. it's almost like james' heart was pumped so full of love that it burst and splayed open only for grace to step into it and sew it back up around herself, a blade making the heart bleed from the inside. and jesse's heart was filled with a poison, toxic kind of love that eroded the organ, making the walls frail, but forcing a level of strength and dexterity into his blood, and thereby into grace as well, whom he welcomed to live inside his heart and draw from his yearning as well.

it's the way they all intertwine. the way the two boys parallel eachother, like james is the one who came through the looking glass and jesse is the one caught behind it. james shot down the chandelier and there was glass on the floor of blackthorn hall when magnus entered it. james with his cheshire cat grin and jesse's deathly portrait. james leaping back and forth into existence while jesse stands delicately on the line.

speaking of that leaping.. tmh james uses his shadows with such flippancy and control, like they're as much a part of him as his corporeal form. "we are dust and shadows," he reminds magnus. and i think it's so interesting, like in a biblical sense, dust is as much life as it is death ("from dust you were made and to dust you shall return"), and shadows move as one with the one they're tied to, but they are not really alive. so james is a shadow but one with its own mind and will, like peter pan's shadow. he doesn't bow to the essence and laws of life and dust. but then where is the dust? again, speaking to the parallels.. i think it could be jesse. he is not really dead, but not really alive, either, he exists as merely the imprint of the boy he once was was on the earth, with as much potential to be blown away by the wind as he has to be filled in with dust mixed with water and blood like cement making him whole again.

i mentioned peter pan's shadow, and that made me think that maybe jesse, in that case, would be peter himself, caught up in neverland, never growing up, unable to leave without dust that's given life in the form of pixie dust.

it's so interesting to think of how these two would eventually meet in the canon of tmh, because i do think tatiana would still find a way to kill five shadowhunters to bring him back to life. and if they return to idris, and if james fulfills his goal of being sent back to idris by being a rapscallion and harming mundanes instead of protecting them, they're bound to wind up in the same space together. it would be interesting if, in james' infatuation with grace, he takes up a shield behind her while she acts as her mother's blade, if he learns of the plans to raise jesse, and because of his fucked up sense of love and loyalty and the potential of a spell put on him by grace, he aids her in someway. james' wild ferocity tied down at jesse's feet by grace. peter and his shadow.

[pentacass]

For a less intensive ask than my last barrage lol - do you create playlists for your characters? Are there any songs that you particularly associate with any of them?

ohhboi this finally got me to sort my playlists out 😂 thank u <3 i have one for ael and ves, u can poke around my profile for others too (i have a sie/renn one, but it's hella outdated)

It's all on Spotify: Aelirra, Vestra

Recommend looking up lyric translations for non-English songs! (if u wanna lmao) Now it is time for me to not shut the fuck up!!

I arranged the playlists to reflect their personal story beats first, then their romance beats.

Ael only has 4 personal songs :(( (i'm sorry bb u can go beat up ves in revenge) The best song that describes her is this:

Soft to be Strong - Marina Somebody hurt me long ago And though to heal a heart is slow It's just a consequence of pain There is no use in laying blame And I guess I've known it all along The truth is you have to be soft to be strong Finally, I feel the fear is gone I found out love has to be soft to be strong I choose to love you without fear No shame in being sincere

For her romance tracks, I'm going for a yearning, bygone days vibe to start, then searching (within herself and Kira) for a name to what they share, ends with 'I love you. Nothing will break us apart again.'

go to hell. - luhx I give more than I take pour love into all I do But there’s one thing I won’t quit If loving her’s a sin I’d go to hell for it Gladly go to hell for it I don’t need to be forgiven for being me I’ve been scared of who I’ll lose but in the end it all comes down to me

End of the Earth - Marina We're all living in the same universe Where the stars collide as the planets turn But I'll give my love, I don't care if it hurts 'Cause I'll love you 'till the end If we're torn apart then I won't let go 'Cause wherever we are, it feels like home And I'll love you 'till the end I'll love you 'till the end (of the earth)

And now...the Sith clown (derogatory)

Her personal songs end with 'Nox'. Romance stuff starts with 'Confident'. Each section reflects Ves as a character - strong, upbeat layers to peel through before getting to her softer core. If you hear a ballad, you're hearing a bit of her soul.

Personal stuff first! Starts off power-drunk (nigh narcissistic), then shows the steel beneath seductive velvet, finishes with soul-heavy sorrow.

Monster - PVRIS How could you let them do this to you? How could you let them turn you into a monster? Your bridge started to burn when you ran all across it I guess you never learn 'til you live and you lost it Live and you lost it Breathe No More - Evanescence I've been looking in the mirror for so long That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side All the little pieces falling, shatter Shards of me Too sharp to put back together Too small to matter But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces If I try to touch her

Her romance with Lana revolves around sex a lot in the beginning, then she realises she wants more, then she realises she's in love, and love involves the mortifying ordeal of being known??? Fuck!!!!

The romance tracks go: I want to fuck you - I want you - I...think I love you? - I love you with my soul.

Roses - Adam Lambert You're like a knife 'cause your looks could kill Hold my breath every time we kiss Are you feeling it? Like I, like I feel it When I touch you baby My name will you say it Between the sheets we ain't pillow talking Is it love or are we just fucking Tell me babe, you can't keep me waiting Black Pearl - Sunmi Now I can withstand most anything Even if it hurts, I can take it (I can take it) I held it in to protect myself But in your eyes I must have seemed so nice and shining I’m dirty and in pain, I’m wrapping around myself So this ugly, black light, won’t come seeping out I may seem like a brand new, white gem But you don’t even know what’s inside Why do you try to look inside me? Why do you poke at me forcefully? You think you can open my heart like that? When it’s closed so tight? You think I’m going to break apart? Don't Judge Me - Janelle Monáe Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire Of broken desire But don't judge me I know I got issues But they drown when I kiss you Don't judge me Baptize me with ocean Recognize my devotion Dancing in the Dark - SVRCINA Completely intoxicated by your love I tremble at your touch, you're all I want So completely intoxicated by your love Like sweet perfume, I know it's you with my eyes closed And nothing will change that Wherever you are, I wanna be right there Holding me close to your heart Here in your arms, oh how could I be scared? Safe with you dancing in the dark

[the-fiction-witch]

Accept

Media Pistol

Character Malcolm

Couple Malcolm X Reader

Rating Sweet

Concept Bond

I sat snuffling and sniffling, wiping my eyes so much they had become sore. But I couldn't stop my tears. Oftentimes bringing a cigarette to my lips sucking in the toxins and blowing out the smoke in the hope it would calm me, but I was beyond that now. My mind spiralling down alice's rabbit hole of utter insanity thinking of the worse of everything to come.

"Hey, break time was over a while ago" Vivienne spoke up she had come to the stock room leaning on the wall to the corridor in her tartan jeans and one of her loose white printed shirts, she rested her hand on her hip as she looked me over on my little chair surrounded by boxes of leather and shirts

"Yeah sorry - I'll get" I began wiping my tears and putting my cigarette out on the broken window trying to straighten myself up even if without a gasp I crumbled apart again

"Hey. You're not going out there till you get straight." she says stepping over looming over me "What's the matter?"

"I'm just feeling kinda weird is all" I answered balling the issue in my hand even if it was barely a tissue any more given they had given it to me hours ago,

"You know that's bullshit and so do I. What's the matter?" She asks sitting on a box beside me

"I had a doctor's appointment this morning"

"What did you find out?"

"Well… I found out." I sighed "I'm pregnant" the moment those words left my lips tears flooded down my cheeks and I felt short of breath my heart racing but I kept myself straight wiping my tears as best I could trying to stay strong as this was the first time I had myself uttered those words

"This your first time?"

"Yeah," I nodded

"Who's the father?"

"Who do you think?" I sighed trying to focus on the ceiling, for one to stop my tears, and another to try and prevent the wave of awkwardness between us, I wouldn't feel this way telling Chrisy, or Jordan but Viv… it was different to tell her this.

There was a silence between us for a moment but it wasn't awkward silence more a quiet understanding we made eye contact and it was like we shared a feeling, shared a way, knowing how this is something we now shared.

She got a cigarette box from her pocket giving me one and taking one for herself lighting them both with her zippo, she let out a long drag tapping the first of her ash onto the floor "He won't give a shit. You know that right?"

"Yeah. I know" I nodded

"For all intensive purpose's your doing this on your own. You have to accept that. because he won't help you. not a foot rub, not a held bag, nothing."

"I know that. Malcolm doesn't like kids I'm not gonna change that."

"smarter girl then most." she chuckled as we smoked between us "So many think they can take a man like that and change him. he's a man he's not clay. there stubborn and they'll kick and scream no matter what you try and do" she says "I hope your ready, for whining, complaining, shit being everywhere, not getting any sleep"

"That the baby or Malcolm?"

she chuckled "Both." she says "Sometimes I swear he woke me up more then joe did"

"Not gonna lie Viv that doesn't make me feel better"

"it wasn't meant to. It's hell I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you." she says "its the worse nine months of your life and the only way out of it is the most painful thing on this earth, and from then on you have eighteen years trying desperately not to fuck it all up"

"I don't know if I'm ready for this.."

"You wanna know a secret?" she asks and I nod "Know one is. know one is ever ready to grow a whole life inside them and force it kicking and screaming into the world. It might be something that a man might tell you your body is built for but its never really ready for a baby." she explained "When I had my first kid. I thought my life was over. That… that was just it I'm a mother now that's my life done. Believe me there's nothing you can't do after this. its just a bump in the road of the rest of your life."

"He's gonna be angry."

"Why give a shit what he thinks?" she says "Do you want this baby?"

for a moment I pondered truly, given the time between finding out and this moment I hadn't really thought about an answer to that question

"I don't know" I answered "Does that make me a monster?"

"No. It makes you human. don't let anyone talk you into something, its your choice completely yours no matter what anyone says." she explained finishing her cigarette "I wanted an abortion when I found out I was pregnant"

"You did?"

"Yeah. even got to booking the appointment"

"what stopped you?"

"Because I felt utterly in love, I felt so happy plus I already had one kid so… didn't seem worth it."

"I can't do it."

"Nothing stopping you"

"I just can't. its me."

"Nothing wrong with that." she shrugs "You know where Malcolm was when joe was born?"

"No."

"In the pub. he was out drinking with his friends. I called the flat over and over with a baby in hand he picked up on the fifth try and I told him he had a son. He said cool and hung up. That's what I mean. you're doing this alone you have to accept that"

"I do. thanks Vivienne"

"Its okay. You need anything let me know"

"I will do" I smiled and she gave me a small hug before heading out towards the shop "You think I should tell him?"

"I don't know. I didn't till about six months. mostly because I was waiting to see how long before he'd notice. Had to give up that experiment."

"Fair enough" I chuckled I dried my eyes and heading into the shop.

I was a little nervous but I just did my best not to start crying as I heard the keys in the door and it quickly opened and closed I looked down the corridor seeing Malcolm arrive home throwing his keys on the hook and throwing his jacket on the hook and he came though to the kitchen "Hey"

"Hi" I smiled giving him a kiss

"what do we have in?"

"Oh I'm making dinner tonight"

"Yeah? since when do you cook?"

"today" I shrug

"Alright," he shrugs and he sat at the table telling me about everything as he had a cigarette once dinner was done I brought it to him and we chatted mostly about work stuff while we had dinner, and once dinner was done we went to the living room and cosied up on the sofa he sat up arms on the back of the sofa and I laid with my head in his chest as we cuddled up watching tv.

"Malcolm?"

"Yeah?" he asks

"I have something to tell you." I tried to keep my fear at bay unsure of his reaction

"… Okay. what is it?"

"I uhhh.. I umm… I'm pregnant."

His silence lasted what felt like hours "You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"How pregnant?"

"eight weeks. doctor told me this morning"

"…okay. Who's the father?"

"Well, you are. Obviously" I told him "How do you feel about that?"

"Well. Not really up to me is it."

"Still."

"You do whatever you wanna do. whatever you do I'll support you"

"Really?"

"Yeah. whatever makes you happy darling"

"You won't just abandon me?"

"No. I live here. and I love ya." He says

"You don't like kids"

"Not really, but I have joe. what's one more kid? but I'm older now, more mature, you want us to have a family then… okay I'll cool wit that."

"Umm I love you" I smiled hugging him tightly

"Love you too." He says kissing my head "You want anything?"

"Just a cuddle. and maybe a blanket"

"okay I'll grab you a blanket"

[dakotakazansky]

🎶let spotify predict your 2024!🎶

shuffle your on repeat playlist and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

Thank you @startrekfangirl2233 for the tag, this was really fun.

January: Villain-K/DA, Madison Beer, Kim Petras, League of Legends

Straight up villain, straight up villain Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling I'm alive, but I'm dead Hear my voice up in your head Watch it fill you full of dread 'Til you go pow

February: Electric Touch(Taylor’s Version)- Taylor Swift ft. F.O.B.

I’ve got my money on things going badly, Got a history of stories ending sadly, Still hoping that the fire won’t burn me, Just one time, just one time All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life

March: I Did Something Bad-Taylor Swift

I can feel the flames on my skin Crimson red paint on my lips If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he had it coming They say I did something bad Then why's it feel so good? They say I did something bad But why's it feel so good? Most fun I ever had And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could It just felt so good, good

April: Little Girl Gone- CHINCHILLA

Wow You're so fuckin' stupid Been a while since my head was this polluted Lucky I know my own worth … Little girl gone, got a gun from a gangster Run little girl, run little girl, bang, ha Say that again, I didn't quite hear ya Messed with the wrong bitch in the wrong era I been at work and I got my badge of honour Honey, I've changed so much since I last saw you

May: Last Night-Morgan Wallen

No way it was the last night that we break up I see your tail lights in the dust You call your momma, I call your bluff In the middle of the night, pull it right back up Yeah, my, my friends say, "Let her go" Your friends say, "What the hell?" I wouldn't trade your kind of love for nothin' else

June: Heartless-The Weeknd

'Cause I'm heartless And I'm back to my ways 'cause I'm heartless All this money and this pain got me heartless Low life for life 'cause I'm heartless Said I'm heartless Tryna be a better man but I'm heartless Never be a wedding plan for the heartless Low life for life 'cause I'm heartless (heartless)

July: Monsters-All Time Low ft. Demi Lovato and blackbear

Thinking about you, you're in my head Even without you, I still feel dead Why do I run back to you, like I don't mind if you fuck up my life? Dead, thinking about you, you're in my head Even without you, I still feel dead Why do I run back to you, like I don't mind if you fuck up my life?

August: My Type(Little Attitude)-Bryce Savage

And she's an earth sign, she likes wine Got me grounded like it's worth time, so fine She likes sippin' 'til the sunrise, all night She likes energy and sunlight and good times, uh And she dress in all black, she likes that I have an arm covered in all tats, we drive fast Listen to the songs from our past on full blast Never looking back, she likes that, oh, she likes that

September: Main Attraction-Jeremy Renner

Roaming through the city like the track of time The freedom is mine Riding the lines You know how I like it, yeah Pedal to the medal, I'm your soldier We can take it for miles And let it all wild Just how I like it

October: Hate Me-Ellie Goulding, Juice WRLD

Hate me, hate me, tell me how you hate me Tell me how I'm trash and you could easily replace me Tell me that I'm strung out, wasted on the daily Prolly 'cause there's no one around me numbin' all my pain Prolly 'cause there's no umbrella to shield me from all the rain Probably because you're the one playin' the mind games You hate me because I don't let you play no mind games They give me migraines and damage my brain Date me, break me, easily replace me Hopefully you see it clear, hopefully it's HD Bet you wonder why the last few months I've been spacey In your head, I sing

November: @ my worst- blackbear

Don't try to call, do not disturb, I do not want to speak This is the end, demons are friends, angels are enemies I'm just a fool, stuck in the past, your worst memories I'm not ready for you to forget me

December: Villain Era-Bryce Savage

She's in her villain era, chapstick on with dark mascara You better send a prayer up, hoping that she'll maybe spare ya She's in her villain era, chapstick on with dark mascara You better send a prayer up, hoping that she'll maybe spare ya (Spare ya)

Well Spotify really said we gonna be in the villain era.

No Pressure Tags: @desert-fern, @horseshoegirl, @thedroneranger, @roosterforme, @sarahsmi13s, @teacupsandtopgun, @cherrycola27

[titanicfreija]

(In)humanity

"You claim to feel pain."

"I do feel pain."

"You also have said numerous times that you don't mind being shot."

"I said I don't think much of it. I'm still gonna try not to. If I could get shot and just feel the pain without taking any physical damage, I would still try to not get shot. It sucks. I just... Don't let getting shot stop me, don't let the idea of it keep me out of places, so on and on. My shields and armor are strong, so it takes a few blasts to get through, most of the time I'm only gonna take some bruises and a little heat. There's this gap between running away and Sunny patching me up and my shields returning, that's when... Oof. Nothing left between me and a lead slug-- can I swear?"

"You may."

"Stop encouraging her!"

"I think to annoy our mutual friend, I may even challenge you to add as much vulgarity as possible."

"Light, noooooo..."

"I would fall real short of expectations, I just say fuck a lot."

"A pity. You will learn."

~

"Hope so! I was talking about getting shot directly-- Fuck that. It's like lava if lava used my hammers! You can feel it ripple through everything! And I'm still too tough to die right, so they have to do it twice, maybe hit my head properly. I hate that shit!"

"The damage to your body as your shields break is different, somehow?"

"It's like being beaten eighty percent of the way to death, and then the last twenty is gone pretty fast? Not that being beaten to death is great or anything, but the alternative is getting shot or burned."

"Have you ever considered attempting long term survival?"

".... Can I make a joke?"

"Please."

"I told you before, I've been alive for a whole week straight."

"Ha!"

"We've joked about it, but it's only jokes. I would get bored. Sunny would, too. Even if we quit fighting, I'd go do stuff that got me killed."

"Hmph! For instance?"

"She's crushed herself with falling debris because she moved the wrong support on multiple occasions."

"That. We've already decided we would try and clean up Earth and lay some global networking, and maybe mark off radiation zones, so on."

"Remind me to tell you why I love that idea later."

"Has there ever been an injury or death traumatic enough to stop you?"

"Probably... Delay. Never stop. Not yet."

"Your voice bears a distinct waver. Is Sunny threatening again?"

"Yes."

"Do not interfere."

"She keeps trying to lie when she feels her humanity being challenged."

"Oh? I wondered why someone practically unstoppable would claim otherwise."

"I... Have no idea what that even means. What?"

"I'll explain later. Stop giving the answers you think you're supposed to give."

"... 'kay. No, I haven't been so wounded that it got me to stop for more than a regroup. I have given up before, but I came back after I found a new weapon or armor piece or mod kit or whatever."

"Are there any particular injuries you can recall?"

"Ummm... You'll have to be more specific, it's all kinda flashes but nothing special."

"Are there sensations associated with healing?"

"It's usually--wait, by Sunny or just Light in general? I can heal with mine."

"Can you?"

".... You know, I was just fine telling you about dying on the field but for some reason, talking about my Light feels awkward?"

"Hm."

"Uh... So, I can heal myself because... Solar energy is generative, and the energy can be used to hasten growth."

"What are you quoting?"

"My roommate. He called Arc traveling and Void destructive, too. Parallels to subatomic shit. He loves these theories."

"Is he correct?"

"I couldn't tell you. It comes naturally. He has to overthink everything. My fire is warm to me and burns the shit out of everything else. I like my fire's heal, but it doesn't relieve pain like Sunny's. It's... warm."

"That's the only word she ever uses."

"I see."

".... I am really really trying here to come up with a way to do the analogy thing... Like my heart's on fire in the best way. Warm like your sleeping bag if you fold it right, like a hot bath on aches. I can feel stuff growing back, kinda, but more like the fire is filling in the gaps until the meat can come back."

"I see."

"Sunny's heals are cool. Ice compress, wading in cold water when it's hot, letting cool air under the blanket. It's. Dry....? Like a med hall?"

"Have you ever been in a medical ward?"

"Not for me, but they smell like nothing and it feels like anything I cut there wouldn't bleed."

"This is inaccurate, but I take what I imagine to be your meaning."

"Yeah. But so, it feels more like it's being cleaned and repaired. Numbed, stabilized, cleaned, and restored is what it feels like."

"Interesting. Do you have a preference?"

"...."

"Don't lie."

".... I wasn't gonna..."

"Stop lying, too."

"... The fire...."

"Why?"

"Dunno. It's warm."

"Hmph!"

~~

Hard Questions

New Angle

Honest

Radio Chat

Scripted Questions

Battlefield

Fear

Enlightening

More like Interrogation

(In)humanity <-

Underlying

Ghost Affection

[queervegancryptid]

I have literally never been this hungry or physically exhausted in my life. Which is saying something.

I had to go to the doctor today. This is a rant about that, because if I didn't vent about it, I would fucking explode.

I made pasta and ate some. I didn't have enough sauce but put in a fuckload of nooch for b vitamins. It worked out okay. I could have added a protein but actually, no, I couldn't have. I keep apologizing for being such a colossal fuck-up of a human being, and I keep trying to be better, but we both know this situation is being impacted by its duration so far. In other words, I can't do what I need to do to get better because of how bad things have already gotten.

This is a problem. And I've got chronic pain from what's essentially cachexia by way of eating disorders and a doctor who doesn't get it despite being told over and over again. "Don't tell me my weight." Every time, I find out.

"I have anorexia and have been eating [numbers] calories per day, max, and it's getting worse." My weight has also been dropping, which I literally see on a fucking graph every time I come in, so clearly there's something going on here. I've lost over a third of my body weight since last year. If I wasn't anorexic, I would expect my doctor to raise some serious fucking alarm bells over that amount of unexplained weight loss.

"I get chronic tension headaches since I was a teenager. These are the drugs that help me." He prescribes Imitrex, which is for migraines, and it affects serotonin and shouldn't be taken by people who are also on other meds that deal with serotonin, which I am, another fact of which he should be aware. Because it literally says what I'm taking on the screen in front of him. If I hadn't had the background knowledge I gained through experience and actual academic research, I likely wouldn't have known that. And it isn't the first time he's done this sort of thing. I know what works for my pain. The word "migraine" did not leave my mouth in his presence, and I've told him and the staff dozens of times that I have tension headaches secondary to extremely bad anxiety since I was a teenager. I know what works and what doesn't. I've tried migraine meds for them before, actually. I know that's not what I need. And it could have seriously fucked my brain chemistry, to who knows what effect, at a time when my brain isn't doing spectacular to begin with.

I'm sorry, I'm never like this with anyone whose job it is to perform a service like this for me, but I just wanted to shake him and yell, "Why on earth won't anyone fucking LISTEN?" I kept my cool, but as I continue to try to start eating again, I'm not sure how dulled my emotions will stay. I wouldn't ever put my hands on somebody like that in anger. It's just not me. But I have a feeling the words will come out at a louder volume than they should at some point when I finally lose control of my filter around him. Seems like I should probably just bail before that happens.

Moreover, he doesn't know dick about treating eating disorders and has no intention of learning. I'm used to having to take my doctor by the hand, when it comes to certain things. I'm used to having to tell a story that isn't quite the truth because I know the truth won't get me what I need. In other words, I'm used to having to use a certain amount of finessing and suggestion to influence my medical providers, because otherwise, nothing would fucking happen.

But right now, I need help. I do. And I don't have it in me to teach a doctor what he didn't learn in med school, even if he wanted to know, and I don't think he particularly cares. He likes me and seems to view me as a sort of novelty, due in part to my transness and sense of humor. He does not treat me like a drug addict, like a lot of doctors do when you tell them you need pain medication, but he also doesn't treat me like a patient ought to be treated. He bills my insurance several times a month without doing his actual job as a doctor. So he's literally making money on my problems without understanding or doing anything about them.

He literally started to put bulimia in my chart as a current problem. I explained my symptoms and told him that the diagnosis is atypical anorexia, because I'm not bingeing and purging, one of the most basic of diagnostic criteria for bulimia, if not the foundational one that separates it from anorexia generally. Anorexia can come with purging, but it isn't a requirement the way it is for bulimia.

He said that bulimia should be the diagnosis on account of me not losing menstruation, which hasn't been among the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa in a little while. It was removed from the DSM in (I believe) the fifth edition. And anyway, that wouldn't qualify me for a diagnosis of bulimia in the first place. I know; I've been bulimic. I was bulimic for a long time in my 20s. Sometimes, the patient knows what they're talking about. Also, I take testosterone and don't regularly menstruate. So the question of whether I have amenorrhea makes very little earthly sense, in any way, and I feel like that's pretty fucking obvious.

This is fucking intolerable. I don't know what to do, but I got here by closing my mouth and being accommodating above all else, to protect others, to get along, to save myself the humiliation or pain, and I won't get out of it until I solve the root causes.

I'm so tired of having flashbacks. There's also an age regression factor during and afterwards sometimes lately that's been a little disturbing. I don't particularly want to know what the root cause is behind that one, but clearly it's something that has to be dealt with if I'm starving myself to death over it.

Balls. I have to find a new primary care doc, don't I?

[boozeforblues]

She Will Outstrip All Praise And Make It Halt Behind Her (Alive In Ego)

She said "I want you to get better, but misery looks so damn good on you" In all my life, I thought I understood a few But none like I comprehend the sickness in my blood Her dam gave way and I was in the middle of a flood But she repaired the breach with lightning speed She's got a heart to protect and an ego to feed Casualties of the worst kind of war And I honestly can't remember what I'm fighting for Or against; drawn, quartered, and bleeding for naught Let this go with nary a second thought I'm expected to read between the lines on the blankest pages Penning heartsick love tomes for the ages And I still haven't broken a sweat or her heart Her facade tells me she's perfectly fine with being apart But the truth rears its head against her intent Reduced from torrent to trickle with no regard for the capital we've spent Drowning in red ink and not much to show But her name on my arm and on my lips, strike a blow For loneliness, make your way without a map It's as torn and tattered as both our hearts, turn a clap Into full blown applause at how I've fucked this all to pieces If you mind the gap, I'll tend to the creases Pretending that I'm well versed in damage control Absconding into the night like it's something you stole Freedom is on the rise, yet I choose to be in chains I've bled for so long, I've forgotten the original color of the stains I feel it creeping in like an old flame I extinguished for a reason Desperately swinging at demons like I'm committing emotional treason Only catharsis can corral them back to hell And I've finally figured out the magic spell The choices are either you or alcohol Mix them together and watch me stall Sputtering to a drunken crawl as I spill my guts in more ways than one And when no one wants to stick around, I know that I'm done Stick a fork in me so I know I'm alive Under these conditions I normally thrive But it's getting harder to persevere with less of myself to carry It's how you didn't have an answer when I asked you what was so scary About me, but I know that was a lie Your eyes gave you away like they always pry Every secret straight from my sternum Comparing scars because we know how to earn 'em Wells run dry and deserts starve like us Surviving without love like a waterless ficus I keep thinking that neglect will carry us through Teach ourselves to live on grand pronouncements and adieus I've always performed for the smallest captive audience Crass proclamations always end up the bawdiest Relearning to hold my tongue when I'm around you Accustomed to the openness you once took to Safety is earned and I've had my fill I'll throw my head back and swallow another pill Anything to take the edge off this sloppily curated life For a brief moment, your contact was "future wife" You had the guts to take it there first Everything since that moment has been the worst You clutched me close, now I'm back at arm's length Showing off my acting skills by once again feigning strength One of these days, it's going to catch up to us both Height marks on door frames to measure our growth But I told you once that this love was immeasurable Even when you cause me pain, I find it pleasurable At least I'm feeling something, a void I've never filled Until you threw up all your guts and spilled A symphony of truth unmatched to my ears The stories and memories that will echo through the years Tethering me to earth so I don't float away in your absence All that's left is to choose between drowning in sorrow or absinthe Walking to my car, hands dovetailed without any glue I keep hoping some sense of profundity will spark something inside of you…

[whatever-lmaoo]

When I tell you I have a mini heart attack everytime I move my notes to a reblog😭 I need them to move cut away from copy bc idk what id do if i accidentally hit cut🥹

#“like you were made to fit him” we were made to fit him😍

#“hearing Benny’s not-so-subtle announcement that he was home” Benny already knows 😂

#“never able to get over how stunning you were even in your sleep, how divine you looked naked in his bed.” need a man to look at me like I’m the last jewel on earth😩

#“Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Benny is so meeee

#“fully aware of the fact that he was the one who needed an eye kept on him.” I love a self aware king🤌🏾

#“Well stop fucking talking to me, go and figure this shit out!” BENNY FOR THE WINNNN, idk what Will would do without Benny boy

#“He took his boxers off and slipped into bed,” the things I would give to sleep naked with Will😞

#“your bum rubbing against his groin in a way that made him moan and grind on you.” Stand down soldier😂 we got some talkin to do🧐

#“the weight of almost never experiencing this again hitting him hard.” Idk what happened to my emotions but I’m already tearing up😭

#“A breath shuddered out of him as he reached up and smoothed the side of your head, desperately again and again, his forehead leaning against yours as he fought off tears of his own.” I’ve come to the realization that I am not as emotionally prepared for this conversation as I thought I was😣

#“The shake in his voice and the look in his eyes broke your heart,” I actually can’t do this😭 let’s talk about it🥂(imagine this is a podcast and were covered in tissues in our cute lil chairs🥹): off riff the vibes you have set for this scene are phenomenal🙉 (I hate my scatter brain lmaooo😭 bear with me) it’s very authentic with how quickly pain can throw itself into any situation; we were having a sweet moment and although you don’t say it, you can tell that the reader realized that there was a possibility where this reconnection would not have happened, either because Will kept up with his facade or something tragic happened on his tour. Another thing that makes this authentic is Will’s vulnerability. You can feel the turmoil that his nightmare put him through and the agony that he feels knowing that he hurt us. We can all agree that Will is a traditional man, and because of that he would also have a hard time with being seen emotionally and the way you handle that with describing how small and shakey his voice sounds, the extra pauses, the brokenness in his eyes is so perfect🥹 omg not to mention that we’re also naked so he’s feeling extra exposed, but in the “you’re seeing all of me” way. “Of course I trust you.” All of this shows exactly how much he trusts us🥹

#“You’re my everything,” crying🥺😭💖💖💖

#“Shh, not yet, baby. Just let me feel you.”the way I would’ve sobbed some more and pulled him into the tightest hug😭

#You sure know how to make a love making scene feel so real😩🌸

#“Will laid on your chest” if there’s one thing I would actually give up my kidney for it would be to get the chance to just hold him

#“the veins that ran through his skin like rivers” yall already know😍

#“the sweat on the back of his neck feeling like drips of ice.” Again 🙉

#LAUR WHAT ARE YOU DOING WASTING YOUR TALENTS ON TUMBLR????? THATS FILM WRITER/BOOK AUTHOR WORTHY🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉 cant believe I just read another glorious nightmare scene from you for free😲 the details, the imagery, the vibes, the sheer panic in Will’s movements, the added gore factor with this line “Two silver tags were dangling from your neck, the chain wrapped so tightly around your throat that it was embedded in your flesh, your skin marked with bruises and cuts from it cutting off your air flow” how do you do it everytime???

#“feeling his cock hardening against you through his boxers.” This man is always hard😂

#“I need you, baby,” love me a needy man🤧

#“I'm right here, Will,” the double meanings😩

#“You were completely alive, breathing and writhing with life in his arms, your blood flowing in every part he touched, his hands awakening every fiber in you.”😮

#“There was no questioning the falsity of his dream now, your euphoria solidifying your vitality, your body full of life as it shuddered with vigor because of him, the devastation of being the reason you wouldn’t breathe again leaving him with each second he was encased in you.” Jail time affectionately 🙉

#“aware that Benny could’ve walked in at any point.” I really thought Benny was about to catch us😭

#“but he knew he could face anything as long as he was with you.” Awwww🥹

#“Only to make Will shake his head as he reached his hand over the console and took yours.” Laurie please let this go smooth sailing 😭

#“Not without a kiss,” your wish is my command big boy😍😩

#“Will was thankful for his pleasant enough experience,” thank god😭 my heart can only handle so much🥹

#“what looked like a too-friendly of a conversation with a man he had never seen before.” Gimme all the possessiveness 🥵🥵🥵🥵

#“You seemed somewhat nervous or uncomfortable, touching your hair a little more than normal,” never mind Will come save me😣

#UH UH WHYD IT HAVE TO BE CAM😭 MY POOKIE BEAR🤧

#“still unable to believe how stupid he was for having let you go” you were pretty stupid

#“I love you. I only want you, and that was the same even when you weren’t with me.” My hearttttt🥹🥺

#“I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, sweetheart,” he began. “But I will spend every second trying to.” YES THANK YOU THIS MINDSET IS EVERYTHING 🥹

You’d think I’d know what to say after doing this for a while but y’all always leave me so speechless in the end😂🥹🌸 the way you’re able to write all variations of scenarios never fails to amaze me!! With every part we get to see your creativity flourish and the growth you show within your writing🥹💖 if I were to ever have to choose a favorite part this one would definitely be up there with how you touch on romance, comedy, a bit of gruesomeness, vulnerability, a play on fears and etc🙉 I know I say this all the time, just means it’s true, but you outdid yourself again with this one Laurie🥹💖🌸💗

Breathe

Part 8

Pairing: Will 'Ironhead' Miller x female reader

Words: 6.2k

Warnings: Rated E, 18+. Swearing. Cockwarming. Unprotected intercourse. Nightmare involving death by asphyxiation. Panic attack. Oral sex (female receiving).

Summary: You and Will finally discuss how to navigate your relationship, and after establishing a comfortable rhythm again, something causes a disruption to test you once more.

A/N: I am over the moon and completely floored at the response to this series and am so thankful to each and every one of you who continues to read it and be excited for it! A big thank you to all my readers as well as @spaghettificationandpretzels for cheering me through this last chapter 💗

photo by @avatarskingdom and edited by me.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

---

Will opened his eyes with a smile, feeling relaxed and content, the tension in his neck and shoulders that had been constant since before he left on the op finally gone.

You were still sleeping soundly, tucked up beside him where the curves of your back meshed into his front like you were made to fit him, his arm comfortably draped over your waist.

The sheets barely covered both of your bodies, and the feel of the fan blowing against his bare skin had Will feeling like he never wanted to move, but it seemed someone else thought differently.

The loud bang of cabinet doors and the clink of dishes in the sink pulled another smile across Will’s lips, hearing Benny’s not-so-subtle announcement that he was home, and Will carefully lifted his arm off of you to check the time on his watch, seeing it was well into the morning already and that having a visit with his brother was more than overdue.

You only stirred slightly when Will lifted himself off the bed, adjusting a little as your body subconsciously searched for his, and as he pulled on his boxers he allowed himself to admire you, never able to get over how stunning you were even in your sleep, how divine you looked naked in his bed.

He closed the door quietly behind him, but with all the racket Benny was creating he wasn’t sure why he even bothered, and made his way to the kitchen, shaking his head.

Benny looked at him with a big grin on his face as he entered the room, setting the pan back in the drawer that he had just taken out.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he said through a laugh.

Will couldn’t help but laugh too, his grin stretching so wide it hurt his cheeks as he stepped toward his brother.

“You’re not fucking sorry.”

“You’re right, I’m not,” Benny admitted, wrapping his arms around Will’s back.

Will returned his embrace, both of them hitting each other firmly on the shoulder a couple of times.

“It’s good to see you, bro,” Will said, realizing he had missed his little brother more than he thought.

“Yeah, you too.”

Will studied Benny as they pulled away from each other, assessing his brother to make sure he wasn't missing if anything was wrong with him, meanwhile fully aware of the fact that he was the one who needed an eye kept on him.

Obviously sensing Will’s feelings, Benny lifted his chin and asked in a serious tone, “How’re you doing, man?”

“I'm good…yeah. I'm good.”

“Yeah?”

Will nodded in confirmation. “Yeah.”

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Benny grinned, his question pertaining to you, having seen your car parked in the driveway.

Will shrugged and looked away, unable to help the smile appearing on his face.

“She showed up,” he breathed, the relief he still felt over it showing.

Benny raised his hands to prompt Will for more. “And she's still here so…”

Will nodded again, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

“So what does this mean?”

“I don't know.” Will puffed the air out of his lungs, that bit of alleviation he had just felt tainted by doubt, the realization that you still hadn’t discussed anything making him worry.

Benny covered his face with his hands, groaning loudly.

“Oh my god, you two!” He let his hands fall, looking at Will exasperatedly. “You really just got right down to business, huh?”

Will huffed out a laugh, unable to defend himself. “Yeah.”

“Well stop fucking talking to me, go and figure this shit out!” Benny shouted, shoving Will on the shoulder to turn him around and point him back in the direction of his room.

“I know! Okay!” Will chuckled as he started to move. “Will you be around today?”

“I’m gonna give you two some space and go to the gym, but I’ll be home later.”

“Okay. How did your fight go?” he asked, realizing he hadn’t yet.

Benny smirked, his head held proudly. “Beat him with a 10-8.”

“Atta boy,” Will winked, clapping his shoulder.

“See you later, bro. Glad you’re home.”

“Thanks, Ben. See ya.”

Will walked the rest of the way to his room, carefully opening the door to find you still asleep, and his heart swelled.

He took his boxers off and slipped into bed, gathering you in his arms like you had been before, your sleepy moans making him smile.

His nose nuzzled into your neck, the warm scent of your skin the best thing to ever exist, and he pressed a kiss to the spot between your neck and shoulder, moving his mouth all across and back again, not able to resist.

A lazy hum sounded from you, your body moving against his as you began to wake, your bum rubbing against his groin in a way that made him moan and grind on you.

You rolled over to face him, a soft smile dressing your perfect lips, your eyes hazy with both sleep and adoration as you greeted him.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Will breathed, the weight of almost never experiencing this again hitting him hard.

You traced the line that flanked his mouth with your finger, ghosting it over his upper lip and then down to his bottom one, the fullness of them mesmerizing. Leaning toward him, you kissed him, softly and slowly, like you couldn’t kiss him enough to make up for the time that was lost.

A flood of emotions surged through you, feeling tears sting your eyes, your throat restricting and forcing you to pull away.

You could see the concern in his eyes, and you did your best to meet them but couldn’t, your blurred gaze falling to his chest instead.

“You hurt me.”

A breath shuddered out of him as he reached up and smoothed the side of your head, desperately again and again, his forehead leaning against yours as he fought off tears of his own.

“I know. I’m so sorry.”

He continued to hold your face, his fingers clawing your hair as you both focused on breathing, his nose nudging yours as he shook his head slightly.

“I don’t know what I can do to make it up to you,” he whispered, his voice full of remorse.

“Just be here,” you muttered, taking his hand and holding it in yours, squeezing it. “I can’t go through that again, Will. You need to let me be here for you.”

He nodded, his words small when he spoke. “I know.”

You inhaled deeply, continuing to try to muster your courage to keep speaking.

“I get why…Benny told me about the nightmare – I just wish you felt you could’ve trusted me to understand. I know that I’ll never be able to fathom the things you’ve been through but I can try, Will.”

“I was so stupid,” he muttered. “Of course I trust you. I wasn’t thinking…I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared…”

The shake in his voice and the look in his eyes broke your heart, seeing him so dejected and full of shame, making your tears come out faster.

“It’s okay,” you cried, angling your face toward his more, your lips brushing.

“That nightmare was so real. I couldn't handle the thought of actually hurting you and I'm still convinced I could. You know what I did to that guy in Publix…” he explained, thinking of all the other heinous things he’d done to other human beings.

“That's not going to happen, Will. I don't believe you could ever hurt me.”

“But I did hurt you–” he choked, his eyes so full of pain.

“Will…It's okay. We're okay. I forgive you.”

You kept repeating it, hoping he would believe it, your lips moving to kiss each other tenderly.

Will separated his mouth from yours after a minute, but remained close, his eyes searching over your features as his hand broke the connection with yours, moving it up to cup your cheek and smooth his thumb over it.

“I love you,” he confessed, a surety finally held in his words.

“I love you too, Will,” you returned, a sob following, and he kissed the streaks of tears from your cheeks, eventually moving to your lips.

It wasn’t long before he was covering you with his body, kissing you breathlessly while settling between your legs, his rigid cock nudging your core.

He pushed inside you, stretching you out until you were full of him, his mouth moving off of yours to allow you to take a gasping breath, his nose nuzzling your cheek as the rest of him remained still.

“You’re my everything,” he whispered, resting his forehead on yours as you breathed together, relishing in him being inside you unmoving.

He flexed his cock, and you moaned quietly at the sensation, responding by squeezing your walls around him, your mouths beginning to tease each other again.

“I thought I’d lost you, Will.”

He shook his head, his brows knitted together. “I'm here, sweetheart.”

Will shifted to wrap his arms underneath your body, fully laying on you and holding you as close to him as he could, his cock moving within you as he adjusted making you gasp.

He stilled again, his eyes flickering up from your chest to your lips and then to your own loving gaze, breathing out before crashing his lips against yours.

You tried moving your hips, needing to feel him move inside you, only to have him press himself down harder on you to stop you.

“Shh, not yet, baby. Just let me feel you.”

He stole your air as he kissed you again, hard and claiming, his body heavy and secure on yours, nothing moving on each other but your lips as his tongue filled your mouth.

You felt his cock pulse against your walls, making you even more desperate for him, your fervor increasing wildly as you clenched around him in a tight grip.

He growled against your lips, still trying to hold off, but the feel of your hands beginning to run up and down his back, clawing and tearing at his flesh had him fighting off the urge to take you hard and fast.

As slowly as he could, Will dragged himself out of you, all but his leaking tip, and plunged back in as deep as possible, feeling your soaked hole encase him and your walls flutter around him, swallowing your whines as you writhed beneath him.

He repeated the movement, all the way out and back in again, his mouth leaving yours to travel down your neck, sucking and kissing your sensitive skin as the sound of your intoxicating moans filled the air.

His thrusts were slow but forceful, moving the bed with each blow, the build-up to this bringing you close to your climax quickly.

“I love you,” he uttered against your skin, his lips smearing across your chest as he continued to drive into you hard and purposefully.

“I-I love you too!” you wailed, on the verge of more tears as your body tipped on the edge of bliss, the claim of his love spurring your pleasure even more.

Hearing you return it seemed to encourage him too, his movements growing more powerful, his grunts like music to your ears, and feeling you were close to coming apart, he kissed you again, commanding and needy as you both sought your end.

He held you in the tightest grip as your body tensed and spasmed, bucking into you deeply as he filled you with his hot seed, continuing to move his hips until his cum was leaking out of you.

Your hands ran through his hair, both of you breathless when you halted your kissing, Will’s eyes full of emotion as he looked at you.

“I mean it, sweetheart,” he stressed. “I love you so damn much. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”

He turned his face and kissed the palm of your hand as you cupped his cheek, feeling the softness of his beard against it as you nodded in agreement.

“I know, Will. I know. I love you too.”

He smiled despite tears appearing in his eyes, leaning down to kiss you again, his breath shaking into you.

You stayed as you were for as long as you could, taking each other in as if all the ways you had memorized each other wasn’t enough to satisfy the time you were apart.

Will laid on your chest, his face turned to the side to give you a view of the way his golden eyelashes touched his cheeks, how the hair around his mouth was bleached lighter than the rest, feeling his heart beating against your stomach.

His long fingers ran patterns up and down your waist, following the curve of your hip, the veins that ran through his skin like rivers prominent on his forearms even through his tattoos.

“Where do we go from here?” you wondered out loud, playing with his hair idly, questioning whether it would be better or not to drop right back in where you were before, if it was even possible.

Will sighed, and you watched his eyebrows rise on his forehead. He didn't speak right away, the way he was carefully configuring his answer clear on his features, and after a minute, he sighed again and turned his head, pressing a kiss on your stomach.

“I don't know,” he said, honestly. “I think it might be wise not to rush things…” He paused, shaking his head slightly as he blew air out of his mouth again. “But we said that before and didn't manage that very well.”

He turned his head to look at you and chuckled while you smiled, nodding in agreement.

“I understand if you're hesitant or don't trust me,” he continued, his tone changing to be more serious. “And I can't blame you for that. I know how badly I messed up.”

He propped himself up and shifted, moving up to collect you in his arms and lay beside you on the pillows, switching positions so you rested your head on his chest instead, your lips grazing over the warm skin on his thick pecs.

The truth was that there was no way you could hesitate on loving him, your heart set on belonging to him no matter what you faced, and despite what had happened, you knew you would trust Will with keeping it safe and not breaking it again.

You tilted your head to meet his gaze, your finger reaching up to trace the line beside his mouth, knowing that even if you agreed to take things slow, there was no such thing when it came to your love.

Summarizing it all in the best way you knew how, you smiled and brought your face close to his, your lips brushing his when you spoke.

“All-in. I’m all-in, Will.”

He smiled and you saw his eyes glistening before he rubbed his nose against yours, his hand coming up to hold your face to keep you close to him.

“All-in, sweetheart.”

“Will! WILL!”

His name cut through the dense air in your piercing voice, making a shiver run down his spine, the sweat on the back of his neck feeling like drips of ice.

He looked right and left, everything black, and all he could do was listen, being as still as possible to try to figure out which direction your screams were coming from despite wanting to run as fast as he could to get to you, but all he could hear now was his cold blood pounding in his ears.

“Will!”

Again, only further away this time, and he whipped around only to continue facing complete darkness, his panic rising with each second that passed.

He started sprinting, hearing you begging for your life, your cries and struggle becoming clearer and closer as he moved.

His body hit a wall, his hands frantically searching it for something other than the smooth, hard surface, unable to find its end in his sightless hunt. Reaching a door, he turned the handle only to find it locked, immediately starting to slam his body against it to try to force it open.

Your screams increased, just on the other side, your desperation growing in knowing he was right there, but the door wouldn’t budge.

Will kicked and rammed his shoulder into it over and over, his breathing ragged and laboured as he tried to work through his panic, and finally, it gave in.

He stumbled through, his eyes frantically searching for where you should be, only to find the space where he had so vividly heard your screams completely empty.

“Will! Please!” you wailed, the sound distant again and making his stomach lurch that he couldn’t get to you.

Room after room appeared, all of them empty even though he swore he could hear you in each one, and he began yelling back for you, trying to keep you talking so he was able to follow your pained voice.

“No! No, please!” he heard you beg, your voice full of terror and quieter than it had been before, and then it was silent.

Will continued to search every room, and after opening the doors of about twenty more, he finally found you laying in the center of the room.

You were facing the other way, unmoving, your form limp on the cold, concrete floor.

His heart was in his throat, and he could barely capture a breath, stepping toward you hesitantly in fear of what he was about to discover.

His knees struck the ground and he reached for you, pulling on your shoulder to turn you over, the cold of your skin telling him exactly what he already knew.

A sob escaped his mouth before his cries filled the air, tears blurring the sight of your lifeless face, the colour of your lips darkened by death.

He pawed at you, trying to shake you awake, his mouth instinctively covering yours to try to give you his air even though he knew it was pointless.

Something cold fell against his hand and he stopped his efforts to revive you, bile rising in his throat when his eyes focused enough to see what it was.

Two silver tags were dangling from your neck, the chain wrapped so tightly around your throat that it was embedded in your flesh, your skin marked with bruises and cuts from it cutting off your air flow, the information listed in the embossed writing all things Will knew by heart.

MILLER

WILLIAM J.

196-37-5436

O POS

NONE

Will screamed himself awake, flying up in bed gasping for air, his cheeks wet with tears and his heart furiously pounding in his chest so hard he clapped his hand over it in fear it would stop or jump out.

His panic continued, realizing you weren’t in bed with him, his body shaking as he tore the twisted sheets off his legs and stood.

With the nightmare so fresh in his head, every door he passed had him feeling sick, but he pressed on, moving toward the kitchen in the dark as quickly as he could.

His feet nearly slipped on the hardwood floor from his sweat, his breathing not slowing, and a relieved gasp shuddered out of him when he stepped into the kitchen and saw you standing at the counter pouring yourself a glass of water.

The small light above the stove illuminated your half-clothed body, his t-shirt covering just enough to keep you modest, and you turned around the moment you heard him come in.

“Hey, I–,” you started, your face falling in seeing the state he was in. “Will, what happened?”

You basically threw your glass in the sink and stepped toward him, holding either side of his face where you searched his wild eyes, his breathing short and gulping in his distress.

“Will, listen to me, breathe…” you stressed, trying your best to keep calm, forcing your own breaths slowly out of your mouth to get him to follow suit.

He nodded in your hands, his eyes closing as he worked to focus, the skin around them crinkling in his efforts that almost seemed to cause him pain.

You counted slowly, your voice calm and even, feeling your heart break the longer it went on and he had only settled slightly.

“Will, look at me, I’m here,” you reminded him, exhaling again as his eyes flashed open and locked with yours, his head shaking back and forth as he swallowed hard and his broken voice echoed in the kitchen.

“It happened again–”

You gathered him in your arms, thankful when he did the same, his grip on you so tight you wondered if your ribs would crack but didn’t care, soothingly running your fingers up and down his wet back as he gripped at you like he needed to prove you were there.

“It’s okay. It’s not real.”

You repeated it over and over until he eventually relaxed against you, his mouth smearing across your neck before peppering kisses onto it, his hands still groping and pawing at your form.

He sighed out deeply as he peeled away from you, his hands running up your waist where they pulled your shirt up with them, his eyes switching to have a desperation in them that differed from before.

Will clasped your face and angled it toward him, leaning down to capture your lips in a tender kiss, able to feel the tremble in his fingers from his lingering panic.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he breathed.

You returned his kiss. Once, then twice.

“Are you okay?”

He leaned his forehead on yours, sighing out slowly again.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’m okay. You’re okay…” he said, reassuring himself.

He kissed you again, deeper this time, drawing in a long inhale as he did.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he whispered when he parted the seal of your lips briefly, taking another breath before crashing against them again.

You moaned into his mouth, your legs feeling weak to his advances, feeling his cock hardening against you through his boxers.

His tongue explored your mouth, his fervor increasing quickly thanks to the adrenaline coursing through him, his hands slipping under your shirt to stroke your naked sex.

“Will…” you breathed, inhaling sharply as he slid his fingers between your folds and fingered you.

He kissed down your neck and then up to your ear, his breath making your shiver, and as he hooked his fingers inside you to massage your g-spot, he grabbed your earlobe with his teeth and tugged on it, a low growl making you melt.

“Turn around, sweetheart,” he growled, not giving you the chance to comply as he guided you to face the counter before you could even move.

You planted your hands on the ledge, gripping it tightly while spreading your legs apart and hinging slightly at your hips, granting him access to where you both needed him to be.

You heard him tear down his boxers, and you gasped when you felt his cock land between your legs, nudging at your center where he dragged it back and forth, his lips landing on your neck while his hands grabbed at the hem of your shirt to lift it over your ass.

“I need you, baby,” he groaned, kissing your neck until you were squirming.

You tilted your head to expose more of you, sighing out as you relished in the feel of his lips on the space between your shoulder and nape.

“I'm right here, Will,” you assured, permitting him to do what he wanted with you while reminding him that whatever happened in his tortured mind was false.

His hand splayed out over your stomach, holding you against him as he pushed inside you, and you let your head fall back onto his shoulder as he began sliding in and out of you, his pace determined and steady.

You reached your arm up behind you, your fingers finding his hair, raking through it while he continued to kiss and suck on your neck as he fucked you, his hand that was on your belly falling to your clit where he rubbed it purposefully.

“Fuck, Will…” you moaned, your breathing growing ragged with each second that passed with him rutting into you.

His hand that wasn’t between your legs explored you everywhere else, pulling at your nipples through the worn cotton of his t-shirt, the soft plush of your breasts being squeezed in his large palm, grabbing at you desperately and thoroughly.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he growled beside your ear, his thrusts increasing. “I need to feel you cream on my cock.”

His demand and the sensation of his mouth continuing to attack your neck sent you over the edge, his dick slamming against your g-spot and his fingers toying your swollen clit making you do exactly as you were told, feeling your release soak his fat cock.

Will didn’t falter, keeping his tempo with his hand planted firmly on your cunt, the only change being his breathing turning ragged and his grunting sounding louder in your ear.

“Again,” he ordered, “I want to keep feeling you.”

The tone of his voice made you gasp, your arousal pushed beyond any limits, knowing he couldn’t get enough of feeling you fluttering and squeezing and creaming around him keeping that heat billowing at the base of your spine.

You rocked to his movements, meeting him in his thrusts, equally as eager to feel him fill you up and throb inside you at the same time you lost all control again.

You tore at his forearms, clawing him frantically as you leaned back against him, relying on him to keep you upright instead of bracing yourself on the counter.

“That’s it,” he purred in your ear. “I’m right there, too. I need you to come with me.”

“Fuck!” you wailed, your pleasure spiking as his one hand squeezed your breast, plucking and pinching your hard nipple between his fingers.

“You feel so fucking good, sweetheart,” he groaned. “I love you so much.”

Will held you tighter, keeping you as close to him as possible as he slammed into you, his lips landing on your neck where he could feel your pulse hammering against them.

You were completely alive, breathing and writhing with life in his arms, your blood flowing in every part he touched, his hands awakening every fiber in you.

There was no questioning the falsity of his dream now, your euphoria solidifying your vitality, your body full of life as it shuddered with vigor because of him, the devastation of being the reason you wouldn’t breathe again leaving him with each second he was encased in you.

His hips stuttered as he emptied himself deep inside you, coating your walls that pulsed around him, his eyes falling closed as he began to slow his movements and relished in feeling your hand reaching up to card through his hair.

You hummed softly, the sound vibrating on his lips that he kept pressed on your neck, breathing you in as he listened to your heart thrumming strong and steadily, your body relaxing against his as you both came down to a place of calm.

When he slipped out of you, you spun around, looking up at him sweetly with the most warmth and care in your eyes.

“I love you too, Will,” you whispered, your hands laying flat on his bare chest where you smoothed them upward, holding his scruffy face in your hands. “More than anything.”

He huffed a small laugh, one corner of his mouth lifting as he gave a coy smile, making you love him even more than you thought possible.

“Are you ready to go back to bed?” you asked, wondering if his terror from his nightmare had dissipated or if the thought of closing his eyes again filled him with dread.

He hummed, looking down at the floor before back at you. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep,” he admitted.

“That’s okay. I’m happy to stay awake with you.” You leaned in and kissed his lips softly, pulling away only slightly, dropping your voice to a murmur. “Whatever you need from me, Will, I’m here.”

Your words held so much more than just one meaning, making the ache and residual panic in his heart settle even more, and he found he couldn’t stop staring at the vibrance of your eyes, the spirit in them helping bring him a sense of ease.

“I just need you,” he spoke, his voice quiet but rough with a mix of lust and strain from his anxiety.

Will didn’t exactly want to return to his bed, preferring to stay in the kitchen or go lay with you on the couch, but knew you had already risked enough by having sex where you did, aware that Benny could’ve walked in at any point.

Accepting it was the only option, Will sighed and held your hand, taking you with him to his room, happy with the fact that no matter where he was, being with you was where he felt safe and at home.

You went to crawl back into bed when you got inside and shut the door, but Will stopped you, tugging your hand that was still entwined with his, pulling you into him.

You smiled against his lips, your foreheads touching, and Will breathed, closing his eyes as he let his hands roam your body.

“Hang on, sweetheart,” he whispered, his hands grabbing the hem of your shirt to pull it over your head.

His face dove to your neck, kissing a trail over your collarbone and down to your chest, his hands grabbing at your warm, supple flesh, every touch another reminder that you were very much alive.

He moved lower, sinking to his knees as he went, his mouth sucking and smearing wet kisses over your stomach and now your thighs.

Your hands wove through his hair, your breathy moans sounding above him as you anticipated the next part of you he would touch, giving him more evidence that he needed to forget the things his mind had tried to trick him into believing.

As Will met your cunt with his lips, slowly and tantalizingly licking through your folds, he vowed to spend every moment awake loving you, your body his refuge and temple to worship, your heart beating with a furious love just the same as his.

It was fairly quiet considering it was Sunday, and for that, Will was thankful.

You had already navigated the grocery store together, something he had come to appreciate more than you would ever understand, and were now making a quick stop at the hardware store.

Running errands with you put him at ease, the seemingly simple and mundane task typically a feat for him to tackle, but he knew he could face anything as long as he was with you.

“Oh, we should pop in the bakery after,” you suggested, looking out the window somewhat excitedly as Will parked in front of the hardware store beside it.

“You can run in now if you want.”

You turned your head to look at him questioningly, your eyes searching him to verify the confidence in his recommendation, clearly worried and always fully aware that he didn’t like going into stores solo.

“It’s okay, I can just go in with you and we can go together after,” you tried, only to make Will shake his head as he reached his hand over the console and took yours.

“I’m fine, I’m only grabbing light bulbs and some oil for the lawn mower, I promise I won’t hurt anyone.”

You smiled only when his own grin stretched out on his face, a look of understanding and surety appearing on your features.

“Okay, sounds good.”

You went to reach for the door handle, only to be stopped by him tugging the hand he wouldn’t let go of toward him, turning back to face him where he leaned over the center that separated the two seats.

“Not without a kiss,” he purred, looking at your lips through his long eyelashes that gleamed in the sunlight.

You smiled and met your lips with his, lingering a moment before you could get too carried away.

“See you soon, sweetheart.”

Will was thankful for his pleasant enough experience, quickly finding what he needed and reaching the cash register to check out without any interactions with anyone other than the older gentleman who owned the store and rang him through, walking out of the door that chimed as he left while tucking his wallet back in the back pocket of his jeans.

He looked up as he took a couple steps, only to stop dead in his tracks, seeing you standing outside the bakery having what looked like a too-friendly of a conversation with a man he had never seen before.

He did his best to assess the situation, trying to read the body language of both you and him, and the longer he took in the scene, the angrier he grew.

You seemed somewhat nervous or uncomfortable, touching your hair a little more than normal, taking a subtle step back as the man leaned in closer.

Your polite giggle filled the air, and the man beamed whenever you did, his eyes unashamedly flickering all over your body and constantly on your chest, making the rage inside Will bubble to the surface.

“I’d still really like to take you out for that dinner,” he heard the man say, and before Will could hesitate any longer, he was closing the distance between you.

The man smirked and tilted his head slightly, eyeing Will up and down when he approached and immediately landed his hand on the small of your back, glancing lower to watch you place your hand on Will’s stomach that rose and fell with deep breaths.

“Sorry…uh, I’m Cam,” he introduced, shooting Will a confused look as he extended his hand.

Will didn’t accept it, instead continuing to stare him down, his voice tense when he spoke.

“Did you get what you needed, sweetheart?” he asked you, still holding eye contact with the stranger he was imagining landing a right hook to his square jaw.

“Yeah, I did, I’m ready to go,” you said sweetly, a nervous shake noticeable in your voice.

Will could feel the tension coursing through you, your muscles rigid as you walked to the truck with his hand still on your back, looking at the ground until you reached the passenger door that he opened for you.

He closed it once you hopped in, glancing over at the man who was staring in your direction, Will remaining fixed in place until this ‘Cam’ finally surrendered and turned to walk away.

Will sighed as he walked around the front of the truck, getting in and closing the door, but not slamming it like he wanted to.

“Will I–” you began, stammering to explain.

“It’s fine,” he cut off, his tone sharp. “I broke up with you.”

He was more mad at himself than anything else, still unable to believe how stupid he was for having let you go, a flood of emotions running through his veins.

He breathed out slowly, nodding and closing his eyes when he felt the soft comfort of your hand cover his.

“How could I have expected it not to happen? Look at you, you're the most gorgeous woman in the world and I let you go.”

“Nothing happened,” you stated, the surety in your voice making Will turn to look at you. “I was out with Nicole and Grace and he came over to our table. He asked for my number and if I was interested in going for dinner with him. I wasn’t even thinking, I was numb…” you paused, the remembrance of your hurt plastered on your face. “I said yes but never followed through. I was in line at the bakery and he was there behind me and said hello.”

Will nodded, relieved at your words, but still found it difficult to come up with his own.

He swallowed hard and looked straight ahead out the windshield at the people passing by on the sidewalk, remembering all too well how it felt to know his ex was cheating on him every time he deployed, yet never once did he feel as possessive and threatened as he did now.

“You have nothing to worry about, Will,” you assured, squeezing his hand three times, giving a soft smile when he finally looked over at you. “I love you. I only want you, and that was the same even when you weren’t with me.”

Will leaned over and kissed you, hard and claiming, his hand holding the side of your face in a grip that told you just as much as his kiss did.

There was a mix of things in his wild, cerulean eyes when he pulled away from you, making your heart hammer even faster in your chest.

“I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, sweetheart,” he began. “But I will spend every second trying to.”

---

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