#we get better

[higherthan-orions-belt]

In an unusual style I am contemplating the growth I have experienced in the last couple years. When I reflect on a larger scale, it is even more overwhelming.

In 2018 I came on here and broadcasted my entire psychotic break to the world. I messaged strangers on Instagram thousands of times. To call it a prophecy only takes into account the way it felt. To call it nonsense is much more accurate, however it takes away from how powerful and all-knowing it felt.

Anyways, that psychotic break lasted about 6 months. I couldn't really read or write. What I did read had meanings only I could derive, what I did write only I could follow. I was catatonic for a period. I felt like people were following me and talking to me through the walls. The visual hallucinations were mostly terrifying and I couldn't leave the house or drive. I fought.

In 2021, I got a job working in mental health. I was on close to the maximum dose of Seroquel and it was exhausting. I could navigate my world without irrational paranoia and hallucinations, but at a serious cost. I still couldn't read. I couldn't write poetry. I had no creative bone and I felt like a dried up lake. I reflect on this period with pride. I counseled others experiencing what I did and it helped them, despite the serious symptoms I was battling.

I eventually succumbed to a severe bipolar depression with again, psychotic features. I came off Seroquel because I simply couldn't function anymore, and I decided I'd rather be psychotic and living than mentally sound and dead. I am honestly proud of that decision, although it came at a serious cost.

I was in the hospital and I refused to take Seroquel no matter how much it was pushed down my throat. I screamed that I deserved to live and function like my previous normal, all the way back in 2016. I got to a partial hospitalization program (PHP) where someone finally believed me. They believed I could function at a higher level and they carried me there with a new antipsychotic and therapy.

While I was in the PHP and as I stabilized on my new medication, I could read again. It was really hard but I could. I used all my brainpower to study for the GRE. I eventually applied to a prestigious university in my town, writing a beautiful essay, and I got in. I never ever visualized what it would be like to achieve this goal. I don't even know where this goal came from. Frankly, I feel like it was a whirlwind and now I'm here, fighting this feeling of not belonging.

Today I will finish my first week of classes for my Master's degree. I am studying policy analytics. I love math and the words being spoken to me don't sound like a jumbled mess. I can read and remember what I just read. I can write for a diverse audience and give presentations. I feel like I don't belong but I do. I pressed through something many people will simply never have to, and I'm fucking proud.

I write all this to say that we get better. To the girl who didn't know if people would ever understand her again but pressed on like God had sent her, thank you. To the girl who took a job in mental health and fought for her right to think straight and not be psychotic, thank you. To the girl who wrote that beautiful essay and used her last brain cell to study for the GRE, thank you. I am here now because I worked so fucking hard to be well and I can finally say it. I am not only well, but I'm working toward a goal I never could have dreamed of being permitted to achieve.

There are so many people who wanted the seat I have now. There are so many people who had this dream and aren't living it. I am living this dream because I am fucking worth it. My skills, my resiliency, my strength, all of it is why I am here. I write this to remind myself, and the future Julia, you fucking belong and you are here to fulfill your purpose. It will be hard some days, but keep pressing on like God sent you. Do it for the Julia that could hardly read and studied for the GRE anyway. The girl who fought for purpose in darkness, having no idea the light that would come.

[beebfreeb]

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

[ered]

Here’s my take on the whole audio books vs. reading:

Oral tradition of storytelling predates written ones by millennias, and honestly, which one you like is just a personal preference.

The actual difference is

when listening, you have no idea how to write characters’ names

when reading, you have no idea how to pronounce characters’ names

hope this helps!

[awhimproned]

new niche just dropped

edit: there’s a pattern of something something wanting to protect their partners from what they know to be horrible

[qiinamii]

we'll do fine.

[thesaltyace]

Y'all I did NOT know this about Harris, and I think it's really critical that we all listen and understand as we approach this election. Video at the end.

This creator's video describes how progressive Harris was as a prosecutor -- actively going against the grain to the point she was accused of being soft on crime. Accused of being a social worker, not a prosecutor. She calls it being smart on crime. She's pushing for systemic changes to give real pathways to reintegrate incarcerated folks back into society and prevent their past from continuing to haunt them moving forward.

"Kamala's a cop" is a catchy dismissive response usually used to shut down conversation rather than add nuance. But this kind of reform is ESSENTIAL to work towards a present and future that treats incarcerated people with value.

I fell for it in 2020 and have thought "Kamala's a cop" without further inspection since - and I'm sobered by the realization that (you guessed it!) I'm not immune to propaganda.

A better system only follows liberal democracy, because library democracy allows for exploration of better systems. If authoritarianism takes hold, it will not allow for the exploration of better systems. We will have to fight tooth and nail just to try to get back to liberal democracy, and I suspect we could not achieve it in our lifetimes.

Harris isn't perfect. But she's a hell of a lot better than many leftists have led me to believe. Don't let perfection be the enemy of good. Don't let perfection be the enemy of harm reduction.

We can either help elect Trump and usher in authoritarian fascism, or we can help defeat him and pull things back in the direction we want to go. Not liking the choices doesn't absolve you from participating and doing the most good you can with the options available.

I'll link the original video in the replies. The original video has captions if you need them.

[aroaceofthesea]

[blogmahbuttitches]

Diana is Bipolar

[stuckinapril]

Honestly the cliche advice is true. If you fill your life w things you’re passionate about, if you challenge yourself every day, if you give your own opinion of yourself more weight than you do other people’s opinions of you, you will actually thrive. Like no one can tell u anything

[800db-cloud]

i’m literally shaking buy them brown contacts pls

[bixels]

End-of-Splatoon thoughts.

Thinking about how since the very start, Splatoon has had a feature where players can draw and post artwork and spot them as graffiti on walls or billboards. Or how the weapons have always been paint brushes and rollers and ballpoint pens. Since its inception, Splatoon has been dedicated to engaging its players with the act of creation and creative expression, showing them how their art can build communities and (literally) change the world.

Thinking about finding golden human-made music discs buried underground for thousands of years, and a grand finale music festival. About the Voyager Golden Records. About those human handprints etched into concrete in Alterna. Did those human artists know it would end like this? First a fiery death and then, eventually, a worldwide celebration of music to represent our shared past, present, and future. Did they know that their songs, insignificant in the face of extinction, would one day become the solution that will save the next dominant life-form from the same fate?

Thinking about how eerily similar the Octarian domes are to Alterna. About how close Inklings and Octolings were to repeating the same mistakes as humans. But their doomed fates were undone not by some miracle technology or military power or a rocket, but by music.

Thinking about how humans wiped themselves out with war, and our parting gifts were liquid crystals that somehow paired with the DNA of primeval inklings and somehow infused them with our memories and culture and a Song. And 12,000 years in the future, that same Song will end a war.

Thinking about how art and music and punk culture and rock & roll and friendly competition and petty arguments and water guns aren’t uniquely human concepts, but the fundamental qualities of intelligent life. An inheritable spirit that can cross evolutionary bounds.

Thinking about the theme of Splatoon, that art and music and fun will not die with the human race. That every piece of art we create is a seed we sow for future generations to reap. That our legacy is ingrained into the crust of the earth. That long after we’re gone, the oceans will remember, and they’ll pick up where we left off.

Thinking about how Splatoon says that the essence of humanity –– the thing that will outlive us –– isn't war or prejudice or destruction or greed, it's a song.

[sophies-junkyard]

I’m in the South. I’ve got ears to the ground. Republicans are SWEATING at the prospect of Kamala being nominated. They’re not sure Trump can beat her.

Let’s prove them right.

[trans-androgyne]

I read too many stories of "women" throughout history who lived as men and wore men's clothing getting beaten and arrested for it, sensationalized in the press as "man-woman," painted as perverts and monsters, put in literal freakshows, and forcibly institutionalized to sit by quietly while non-transmascs loudly and confidently claim that "female masculinity" has never been targeted as much as "male femininity" has. Read some trans and queer history that isn't only about gay men and trans women before you open your mouths about butches and transmascs, or better yet just listen to us about our history and experiences in the first place.

[akanemnon]

Yeah, Kris is definitely NOT alright.

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[soranker]

98 lovemail doodles >_<