#we didn’t liveblog in here this year

[sophfandoms53]

So… y’all saw the debate too

[tubborucho]

A LOVE LETTER TO QSMPBLR

I saw my mutuals write those and decided that I also want to say a few words.

My whole life I loved being part of the communities. I’ve been heavily into fandoms since I was 10, and now 12 years later I can firmly state that QSMPblr community is definitely in my personal top 3 of all the fandoms I have been in.

It’s been such a fun and emotional and thrilling journey with so many ups and downs and I would never refuse to repeat it all over again. I met so many wonderful and incredible people because of this server that I can’t thank the universe enough.

All of my mutuals and followers made most of my 2023 so happy, and continue to do so in 2024, and I really need this joy with everything that happens outside the community itself.

(I am sorry this text is all over the place, I am struggling with concentration atm)

And I am so elated and a bit surprised for how many of you I became one of the favorites blogs here. I mean, I jumped from barely 150 followers to around 820 since september, and it’s all thanks to having so much fun liveblogging and theorizing with all of you.

Despite everything, I think Purgatory 1 was my favorite ever time period here. Yes, there was a lot of frustration and negativity but I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a comradery as back then, with my fellow Soulfire mains. I was in the post limit jail every single day, because I just could not stop chatting with all of you and reblogging incredible posts.

I also hold very dearly the moment, where Bad showed Tubbo the Soulfire Base Recreation. But the main reason is not even that this happened, but the fact that so many people on tumblr, in dms and even in Bad’s chat were LOOKING FOR ME, because they knew how much I’ve waited for that to happen. It was just so heartwarming to wake up to dozens of messages and mentions. I struggle with ‘nobody really cares if i am here or not’ syndrome a lot, so it made my day to see that people do.

I also want to say special thanks to some of you (even though each and single one of you deserve a separate paragraph). Under the cut:

@qtubbo and @mikaikaika. I love both of you so much, our 247 crew maybe on a kinda hiatus, but every moment we spent together is so special to me. We had so much fun, and I couldn’t ask for the batter gang to gash about the lore and cool posts together.

@lionheartedmusings. I am pretty sure you do not open tumblr these days, but if or when you see this: I am so glad that I got a chance to be your friend. We held so many incredible discussions together, and I am so proud to see your success and happy to be at least a small part of it.

@ultra-raging-ghost @dappersautismcreature @born-in-hell @comradeboyhalo @bigboobyhalo @mangofanarts @haloberry @halo-chainsaw @kadextra @skullhalo @aesthetic-gem and all the other ghosties here. Man, ghosties and tubblings alliance is honestly the best thing that ever happened to this community, and I loved all of your posts and liveblogging of Bad’s lore even when I didn’t have a clue what’s happening. You are all so smart and so great, ghosties never deserved all the hate them and the streamer got, I will fight for you always.

@terezicaptor you always match my freak. and that’s everything anyone in the fandom can ever ask for.

@itsbebebrainrotting @cheese-water @soulfireblue @galatoma @phatcatphergus @angelpaperclip @an0nfr0mth3d3n @flojouno @dozyrogue @charliecuntcicle @sweetmoons @kqluckity @h3xt0r @wackytheorist thank you for everything, i see you in my notes very often and most of you posted a lot about soulfire (which are always bonus points from me ahaha), and i am very glad you are here💛

@sweetie-peaches @routeriver @snopiah @thepenguisalive7 @piecanl @shumistar @diornies @flowerquib YOUR ART MY GOD YOUR ART OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MYGOD SO GOOD SO INCREDIBLE OH MY GOD

@etoilesbienne and @pommunist i think both of you have the most based takes, and i almost feel smarter when i read your serious posts.

I definitely missed some people I would love to thank, but honestly, as I said, all of you deserve a special thank you. So if you read this, you are awesome and I love you.

I am not leaving the fandom. But it’s always nice to appreciate people around you.

💛💛💛

[taylorkellyreporting]

i hope no one minds if i inconsistently liveblog this bitch: doctor who season one from 1x04

1x04

HELLO??

A WHOLE YEAR???

shit

“you’re 900 years old?” “yeah.” “my mum was right, that is one hell of an age gap.” lmfaooo

“i’m the only person who knows it exists.” spoke too soon

damn, he left her. i wonder if the key he gave her was even real.

it was a pig 😭

OH NOOOO

every time they get separated, shit goes off the rails

IS HE GONNA KILL HER MOM?!

1x05

girl, FUCK the emergency protocols

“sorry.” 😭

that shit was intense

“my mother’s cooking.” “good, put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.” CACKLING

i feel so bad for her mom :(

1x06

this episode really is…something.

why the fuck is the doctor just offering up all of this information???

he really should have seen this coming

*pretends to be shocked*

their cockiness is gonna get them killed

i never want rose and the doctor to be separated EVER again

“what use are emotions if you won’t save the woman that you love?” damn

don’t know how i feel about this dude joining them

1x07

“he’s your boyfriend.” “not anymore.” did i miss something???

something’s wrong…

is that guy dead?

i don’t trust adam at all

rose is so stupid. i could understand if it was mickey she was trusting but she doesn’t even know this man

huh, that was unexpected.

what the actual fuck

1x08

this ep’s gonna be so sad

the doctor never should’ve taken her to that day

“alright, i’ll tell him you’re not my boyfriend.” obsessed with her thinking that was the issue 😭

not important but jackie looks really good with her hair like that

well. that was heartbreaking.

1x09

sorry, but if a kid wearing a fucking plague mask was repeatedly saying “mummy” in an eerie voice, i would have turned and walked the other way. r.i.p. to rose but i’m different

what part of “don’t answer it.” is hard to understand? lmao

“excellent bottom.” gross.

i know i sound like a broken record but what the fuck?!

this is one creepy ass episode

this dude is coming on so strong dkgjgks

“finally, a professional.” rose, be serious.

“they’re not dead.” okay.

girl, what the fuck?

1x10

i can’t believe that worked lmfaooo

“those would’ve been terrible last words.” 😭

“half this street thinks your missus must be messing about with mr haverstock, the butcher. but she’s not, is she? you are.” SCREAMING

“i sent it to its room. this is its room.”

that’s fucking terrifying

“the first day i met him, he blew my job up. that’s practically how he communicates.” pls

“okay, so he’s vanished into thin air. why is it always the great- looking ones who do that?” “i’m making an effort to not be insulted.” “i mean…men.” “okay, thanks, that really helped.” fkfhhgdj

i hate jack for interrupting their dance. IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD.

“carry on with whatever you were…doing.” “we were talking about dancing.” “it didn’t look like talking.” “didn’t feel like dancing.” 😭

these episodes are so fucking creepy but they’re definitely the best of the season

oh my God, he’s her son

THEY’RE DANCING 🥹

1x11

i can’t wait for mickey’s reaction to jack

“trust me, safest place in the universe.” famous last words

i hope the doctor doesn’t trust her

poor mickey

“it’s always the doctor, it’s never me.” buddy you should’ve known you weren’t first choice when she left you in the beginning

she’s an egg 😭

1x12

i almost don’t want to press play.

lmao, what the hell

it always comes back to floor 500

oh shit, the doctor cause all of that?

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

rose can’t be dead

THANK GOD

i can’t believe the daleks actually survived

1x13

i’m not ready to say goodbye to nine

rose is getting a taste of her own medicine with the doctor and lynda djfjgjs

HE KISSED THEM BOTH 😭 I LOVE JACK

i can feel my heart breaking

who the fuck is bad wolf if it isn’t the daleks???

mickey’s really getting on my nerves this ep

HELLO

“there’s nothing left for me here.” ‘nothing?” “no.” she’s RUTHLESS 😭 but honestly he shouldn’t be surprised at this point

JACK ☹️

“i am the bad wolf.” BITCH???? WHAT????

i got my kiss but at what cost

OH SHIT THEY LEFT JACK

all i feel is pain

that’s it??? how am i ever going to move on from eccleston? how the hell are you guys strong enough do this every season? cause i’ll tell you how i’m doing: not well, bitch!!

[makeste]

BnHA Volume 35 - A Brief Reaction Journey

hello! so as mentioned in my last post, I’ve started catching up with the BnHA manga again FINALLY after almost two years, and have made it through a fair number of chapters so far! and since I’m not sure how long it will take me to actually post the corresponding liveblogs, I figured I’d make a couple of posts in the meantime to sort of preview my reaction journey thus far with some good old-fashioned OUT-OF-CONTEXT BULLET POINTS taken from my ramblings. originally I was going to make a single post for all 25 chapters I’ve read so far (up to 367), but I quickly realized that was waaaaay too ambitious lol. so for now it’s just this one, and I’ll put up the vol. 36 post probably tomorrow afternoon.

spoiler warning: just fyi, this post will obviously feature spoilers for chapters 342-350*, BUT it will also include some stray spoilers from chapters 362 and 403 as well, so just a heads up for that if you aren’t fully caught up!

*chapters 340 and 341 are not included because I've already posted full reaction posts for each one here and here, respectively.

Chapter 342

Endeavor being taller than Jeanist just feels so WRONG to me regardless of whether or not it is factually accurate. does this mean All Might is also taller than Jeanist?? I don’t want to live in a world where Best Jeanist has secretly been a perfectly normal sized person this entire time. someone please lie to me and tell me that he is tall

many thanks to Kacchan for inserting this small bit of levity into this scene which was otherwise well on its way to sending me into a SPIRAL OF FEELINGS, and in fact still is whenever I look at that panel of Deku with Eri and Kouta, and also that GODDAMN HUG WHERE HE AND INKO ARE BOTH CLEARLY AND PAINFULLY AWARE THAT THEY MIGHT NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, AND IN THAT MOMENT THEY’RE JUST TRYING TO HOLD THE OTHER AS TIGHTLY AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE, AND SHE’S PRAYING TO WHATEVER DEITY IS OUT THERE THAT HE’LL COME BACK SAFE AND WHOLE, AND HE’S PRAYING THAT HIS MOM WILL BE ALL RIGHT EVEN IF HE DOESN’T COME BACK, AND NOT ALLOWING HIMSELF TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH HE ALREADY MISSES HER, BECAUSE HE CAN’T THINK LIKE THAT ANY MORE, BECAUSE THIS BOY IS FULLY GROWN NOW BECAUSE HE HAD TO BE, BECAUSE HE HAD NO CHOICE, AND I’M BOTH SO PROUD AND SO FUCKING SAD ABOUT IT AND I JUST NEED A MINUTE HERE ACTUALLY, OKAY!! OR FIVE MINUTES!!

LMAO WHAT AN AUSPICIOUS AND NOT-AT-ALL OMINOUSLY FOREBODING NAME. “hmmm what should we name our new class 1-A fortress?” “hmm well I was thinking maybe Troy, after the legendary city with the famously impenetrable walls, which to the best of my knowledge were never breached, or at least that’s what I assume since I never finished reading The Iliad! :) :) :) ...wait, why are you all looking at me like that. they didn’t actually breach them, right? guys? what happened to Troy? GUYS?”

I’m actually so proud of Deku because he’s come such a long way from the days when the mere CONCEPT of even TALKING to a girl was enough to floor him lol. but also I’m legit cracking up at he way he tried to segue into random small talk in the middle of the goddamn apocalypse. gotta be smooth about it!! casual!! you can tell how casual they are because both of them are suddenly struck by the inexplicable urge to fuss with their hair!!

Horikoshi really said “FUCK YOUR SQUADS!! ...but if we had a Todosquad this is who would be in it I guess”

my god. between this and the OchaDeku conversation the villains truly do not stand a chance do they? and they don’t even know how screwed they are yet. REDEMPTION IS COMING!! IT’S KNOCKING ON THE DOOR, TRICK OR TREAT, Y’ALL READY FOR THIS

Chapter 343

so we’re opening with everyone’s favorite Guy With An Old Wad Of Chewing Gum For A Face, AFO!

did this son of a bitch kill Nao’s dad and steal his sexy lie-detector quirk??

sob AFO is all “can I have your son’s cell phone number please” and they’re all “SURE”

bonsoir little Yuuga

do. ...do you not actually know. was this meeting not prearranged. “why are you here Aoyama?” “why are you here, Deku?” truly, why are any of us here??

I’m sitting here trying to play the “guess which parts of this dialogue are real vs fake” game and coming up completely stumped on every single sentence

so Yuuga’s all “can you believe that even though the city of Musutafu is basically down to just U.A., a Dollar Tree, a couple of crumbling park benches, and one very determined Starbucks, we somehow still have functioning courts and lawyers?” I actually can’t believe that at all tbh. you’re telling me “it’s the fucking apocalypse” is still not a good enough excuse to get out of jury duty

damn, Aoyama out here with the trash talk and the ON YOUR LEFT?!

MONOMA??!?!?!?!

Chapter 344

“Eraser’s” plan, indeed. you dare say that right to Kaminari’s face

SHINSOU!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

HEYA YOURSELF YOU HANDSOME KNAVE!! LOOK AT YOU!! fucking loving the costume my dude! pretty please tell us your hero name to go along with it. is it MindCraft. I think your hero name should be MindCraft. don’t look at me like that Shinsou we need more punny hero names in the world

“yes well you see, I couldn’t do it, so I learned how to do it.” great story Shinsou

the way he’s rubbing the back of his neck there. are we gonna get some real Monoma character development at long last. feels like it’s long overdue and I am thrilled. he’s such a great character and I feel like we’ve only barely scratched the surface of who he actually is as a person and as a hero

THE UNEXPECTED VLAD KING MENTORSHIP WITH THE ARM AROUND THE SHOULDERS?? he really needed that support. outwardly he’s always made a big show of wanting his turn in the spotlight and begrudging class A for stealing the scene at every turn. but how much of that is really just an act. some of it? most of it? maybe even close to all of it? because right now he suddenly seems so small and young here and really wishing he wasn’t in this unenviable position of being one of the many World’s Last Hopes who are all way too fucking young

did Mirko’s giant robot hand just grow into an EVEN GIANTER giant robot hand??

long beautiful flowing mermaid hair. sorry what was I saying I kind of spaced out there for a sec

YES, AFO, ALL OF THIS TO SPLIT YOU UP YOU STUPID MUSH HEAD. MAYBE IF YOU EVER ACTUALLY FINISHED A MANGA IN YOUR GODDAMN LIFE YOU’D KNOW HOW A FINAL BATTLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE CONSTRUCTED. YOU MOLDY AVOCADO

Chapter 345

“no you don’t understand, we have so many sixteen-year-olds whose coattails we’re all hanging onto. we have sixteen-year-olds who can take over people’s minds. sixteen-year-olds who can create portals to warp you halfway around the world in an instant. and let’s not forget the sixteen-year-olds who can act their damn asses off. we have the best sixteen-year-olds in the world. our sixteen-year-olds are so much better than yours you fucking losers”

Deku I swear. if I’m about to discover that the reason you weren’t there to stop Kacchan from being literally, actually, canonically murdered is because your distracted ass got yoinked into the void by some no-name villain chucklefuck, I’m gonna...

don’t listen to him Aoyama you were magnificent. you were my favorite in all of the stage plays

BUT IS PHASE TWO SUPPOSED TO INVOLVE DEKU IN ANY WAY THOUGH??? HELLO??? IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME??? I’M FROM THE FUTURE AND THIS IS URGENT, PLEASE

“I fucked up Ochako, I fucked up so bad” omfg Deku

she doesn’t want to hurt you Deku she just wants to shower you in love. in her own special way. by stabbing you a lot

anyway have fun on this... tropical island??? I guess?? Kacchan will just have to hold down the fort in the meantime. which I’m sure will go absolutely fine

Chapter 346

“th-th-this is really bad, right?” yes Tamaki, yes it is. you’re stuck here on the Super Mega Ultra Radical Gnarly Cracked-Out Wonder Stage with Shigaraki Fucking Tomura and at least two of you are about to die and I’M NOT OKAY

so now we’re also getting this hilarious insight into the inner workings of the Mega Ultra Tremendous Stupendous Incredible Sky Coffin and it is truly, truly phenomenal

Horikoshi stop taking my sarcastic jibes and owning them completely challenge!! all the best sixteen-year-olds. all the finest greatest Hyper Ultra Sparkle Glimmer Wonder Battle Stages

this is genuinely one of the boldest lampshading efforts I have ever seen in fiction you guys

“yes, we acknowledge that this does indeed seem impossible to have pulled off, BUT have you considered that, fucking quirks though???? AND THAT THEY ARE, AS THE KIDS SAY, WILD??”

Chapter 347

lmao they’re shouting at Monoma accusingly and he’s all “I’M HAVEN’T BLINKED AT ALL YOU GUYS I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU”

don’t mind him, he’s just out here growing out his hideously malformed hands and fingers endlessly from every part of his body, normally, as one does. nothing quirk-related about it. anyone could do this if they simply exercise and maintain a balanced diet. this 100% is not a quirk y’all it’s just essential oils

SUDDEN MONOMA FEELS DELIVERED TO MY DOORSTEP???

awwww. the way he’s almost panicked, frantically wondering if he somehow fucked the quirk up and desperate for Aizawa to believe him that he’s trying his best. and Aizawa quick to reassure him. this kid is so desperate for approval. and unapologetically careening his way onto my top ten character list, welcome dear boy

so that’s that. see you in two years Deku. his last words spoken out loud to Kacchan were, and I quote, “wha --”

Aizawa is so hopelessly impossibly hot at all times and I don’t know how the universe can handle his existence. he’s even doing it without activating his quirk now. no ponytails or anything. just an eyepatch and a dream

don’t mind me, I’m just out here doing literal algebra to figure out how long it would take Deku to get back here if he traveled at the same speed as All Might did in chapter 90 (30 seconds per 5km, apparently). about 20 minutes, give or take. well shit. hopefully he’s a little faster than Kamino-era All Might was, especially since he can fly and has that Fa Jin shit too. or maybe Rody can fly him lmao. or S&S’s hot fighter pilot boyfriend

“what’d Sensei say, Deku?” “he said no, looks like I gotta uber. can I borrow your credit card, I promise I will venmo you back”

unfortunately for Deku he does not realize he’s accidentally gotten himself caught up in what will undoubtedly end up being the most erotic and bisexual of the various final battles

can’t believe Deku has like 6 love interests and out of all of them, Toga is the first one who actually asks him out. good for you girl. gotta shoot your shot

Chapter 348

FELLAS IS IT GAY TO BREAK OUT INTO TERRIFIED BEN DAY DOTS BECAUSE A GIRL EXPRESSED HER CARNAL INTEREST IN YOU????

anyway so since Deku apparently doesn’t understand how romance works either, he’s trying his best to give an actual response by recontextualizing all of this in terms of the one big thing he does understand: All Might

you’re telling me you never wanted to stab All Might to death and then turn into him?? wow I just can’t believe it

but also... okay lol. so I was thinking about this sarcastically, but was then struck by the very unironic thought that there sorta kinda is someone whom Deku does, both consciously and subconsciously, try to be like, and who he also kinda does apparently share the same heart and mind as. at least if chapter 403 is anything to go by lol. soooooooo. huh

god damn it Toga. absolutely none of what you’ve said or done here has been even the SLIGHTEST BIT reasonable. you can’t just tell someone you want to stab them and be their girlfriend. and if and when they try to let you down easy by responding with the MOST THOUGHTFUL AND GENTLE REJECTION ANYONE COULD EVER POSSIBLY MAKE UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES, because they’re actually the WORLD’S NICEST MAN, you can’t just respond by doing whatever it is you’re presumably about to do, which I’m guessing is gonna be really violent and unhinged

so Ochako is all “ever since we fought last time I’ve been thinking about you a lot!” and Toga is all “are you serious, YOU broke up with ME bitch” and now she’s standing behind her with a knife

“she’s the least predictable of our opponents” YEAH NO KIDDING LOL

“everyone knows that Toga is actually Ochako’s villain, like ffs Deku you haven’t even interacted with her since the Provisional Exam arc.” Deku they’re 100% right and you’re looking more and more the fool with each passing second

well all right lol. twenty minutes to get back to Musutafu. let’s just hope he doesn’t run into any traffic on the way

Chapter 349

what the fuck is OFA Dos’s quirk exactly and are we ever gonna get to it before I literally die of old age. at this point there’s gotta be a reason why he’s not using it, right?? so what’s the deal there? does he still somehow not know how? is it too dangerous? and I really need to know why II has the Bakugou gauntlets. tell me this isn’t one of the things we’re still waiting on answers for two years down the line because I swear to god I will cry

anyway so Deku’s saying he’s doing his best but he’s still “too slow”. WELL THEN MAYBE IT’S THAT TIME?? DEKU?? WHAT DO YOU SAY

NO FUCKING WAY LOL, CAN IT REALLY BE THAT EASY??!

OH WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK YOU NOT!CCHAN LOL YOU’RE JUST HERE TO COCKBLOCK HIM?

fuck. so has he used it since then?? is he gonna use it finally now that Kacchan’s alive and well again?? oh my god I need to shut up and stop asking questions and just keep reading. fuck

wow so Dabi’s literally just burning the All Might statue while he stalls for time trying to figure out how to beat his OP little brother who was literally engineered to be better than him sob. out of all the villains he’s probably the most screwed right now isn’t he

starting to get an inkling Dabi’s not happy that he doesn’t actually get to fight Endeavor. getting some subtle hints here and there that he might actually be upset about that

apparently wanting to fight Dabi and stop him from helping to destroy the world makes Shouto a pawn. wake up Shouto. stop being such a sheep, Shouto. can’t you see that saving the world is exactly what Endeavor wants you to do???!

this is just going to be seventeen chapters of Dabi talking about nonsense while they both stand around progressively getting hotter both literally and metaphorically isn’t it

Chapter 350

OH SNAP. [SLAMS HAND ON TABLE] HERE WE GO. IT’S FINALLY THAT TIME

well, well, well. to the surprise of absolutely no one. the real one who was responsible for everything this whole time

but I just have to pause real quick before we continue. because it absolutely cannot be a coincidence that AFO just happened to be there once again. just waiting in the shadows to magically swoop in the minute disaster strikes. and so, just like with baby Tenko, this immediately makes me suspect that Touya burning himself alive was not in fact a training accident at all. which is something I did not expect, and which, just. fuck, fuck, FUCK AFO. fuck this guy.

looks like the children's ward of a hospital?? wait, what??

how the fuck is he still so adorable. when exactly did the transition take place between adorable and sexily unhinged. right now Todoroki Touya still looks to be the absolute most adorable child on the planet

I miscalculated. I was not emotionally prepared to handle this chapter right now. I should not have clicked

really love to see that Touya didn’t just cave right away. wouldn’t have felt right, ngl. just doesn’t fit in with what we know about his character

oh shit wait we’re cutting back to Dabi talking to Shouto and he says he did come back home??

fucking why. goddammit what the hell. why is this the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever read. LOVE HIM!! SOMEONE!! ANYONE!! just love him, please. literally all he has ever wanted!!

JESUS. I HATE THIS. I am so upset right now. out of all of the horrific and traumatic and terrible, awful things that have happened to BnHA characters in their flashbacks, the thing that hits me the most out of all of them is this one image of a sixteen-year-old boy standing before an altar, with his family very much alive and standing RIGHT FUCKING THERE IN THE NEXT ROOM, and yet somehow feeling more alone than he’s ever been. so alone he literally gives up all hope in this one moment. my god I feel all of it and it’s so fucking devastating I keep having to stop typing so I don’t completely break down sobbing

well damn. after a rush of 15 and 13-page chapters, which were all admittedly appreciated by me in my race to catch up to Light Fades to Rain before this coming Friday, Horikoshi finishes up the volume with one hell of a 17 page finale. once again the Tododrama delivers. this was fucking phenomenal

[puckpocketed]

19/12/2023 Seattle Kraken vs Dallas Stars

The Summer I Fell For Hockey - The Kraken Wagon: How to Stay Silly in the Face of Loss

I’m the asshole on the tram who’s watching hockey on their phone and not paying attention. This is how my afternoon commute home starts. I almost run into at least two people, I definitely trip a guy trying to get off the tram because I’m not looking, and I’m caught scrambling for the door after nearly missing my stop. My walk home is slowed by my unwillingness to take my eyes off the live feed. I’m sweating through an ill-advised sweater vest thrown on at 6 in the morning on my way out the door and my feet sting from the 5 hour shift I just finished — but I don’t care. The Kraken are down 0-2 and it feels like if I stop watching, if I even think about hurrying home through the swampy, muggy afternoon, the game will run away from us. 

“The Kraken are a wagon” is a sentiment I’ve come across repeatedly in my idle googling about my team. They’re a new team, my friend tells me over discord — she fell out of love with ice hockey years ago, some time back when the Kraken were first drafting their inaugural season lineup — and as soon as I hear it I am enamoured with them. A baby team! One that’s still building an identity, trying to figure out its core; and I’m already so charmed by their jerseys — toothpaste red, white, and blue, a squiggly tentacle ‘S’ for Seattle and a glaring sea monster’s eye — but a baby team? That’s the kind of story I can gorge myself on.

So they have me. I’m in and I’m reading primers and checking player stats, and I only find out about the “Kraken wagon” later. My squids have been in free fall all season, I learn this not long after I catch a game (their 0-3 defeat to the Minnesota Wild). This is what I get for choosing teams based on jersey colours, it’s not too late to swap loyalties — my regulars, who have by now heard all about my latent ice hockey obsession, tell me this as I pour their coffees. They don’t get it yet. If I truly didn’t like the Kraken, I’d have given up on them by now. The jersey colours, at this point, are immaterial. The jerseys are a cute bonus.

Here’s the rub: no one ever expected them to make the Stanley Cup playoffs in their second ever season of existence, but they did — or, some past incarnation of them did. The shadow that this playoffs run casts, even now, is where the “wagon” accusations stem from. But I didn’t join them when times were good. I joined them after an 8 game-long skid into the boards.

It’s hard to love something when all you ever see are the worst parts of it, some might assume. Looking through the Kraken tag tells an entirely different story. Loving the Seattle Kraken has come so easily to me largely due to the tiny group of die-hard followers I’ve come into contact with. I have a tab perpetually open on my second monitor at home when I’m watching games, set to the Kraken’s liveblog tag, and each time I’ve tuned in has been the ride of my life. It’s clear from the speed at which we like and reblog each other’s posts that we’re all regularly checking the tag when something happens. It’s like the world’s most intimate Twitch chat section, the world’s least intimate discord call. We’re mutuals and besties, strangers and fellow fans — I imagine if we were in the stands together, we’d look at each other when our Kraken score and cheer together, maybe we’d scream and laugh in half-disbelief.

The Dallas Stars are at the top of the Western Conference’s central division table, and they play like it. In the first few minutes of the match, Duchene and Seguin blast through and slip one past Daccord, no easy feat given he’s been on fire himself recently. Time after time, the Kraken’s power play is wrecked. The Kraken are being given the runaround, having to doggedly chase down intercepted pucks where the Stars’ passes always seem to connect. Recovery from 0-2 might seem impossible from where they are at the end of the first period, but the Kraken bring to the second period the same energy they had for their relentless puck hunting. Matty B and Tuna — Beniers and Tatar  — put us on the scoreboard and keep us in it, even as we lose Canner and Belly to injuries. Recovery from such an early and demoralising goal deficit isn’t impossible, just increasingly unlikely when you’ve got no superstars and are trying to throw off the wagon allegations.

That’s another thing: expectations are low. And not in a way that’s meant to disrespect the Kraken players — it’s closer to how animals might ball up and protect their vulnerable, soft bellies from harm. Losing, to be perfectly candid, fucking sucks. Reminding ourselves that any gains — no matter how trivial — still count as a win is one way to stave off the inevitable heartbreak. Another way we do it is, to paraphrase several Kraken bloggers,  “staying silly”.

If I were to distill the essence of silliness, I’d start with hockey itself. This game is a goofy one, in spite of my past assertions about warrior’s codes and narratives and unspoken honour. On-ice collisions can in fact be the height of slapstick comedy; and today the tension of a potential line brawl was broken with, of all things, the arena DJ playing Mortal Kombat music. As for the people? Even as the Kraken went down two goals halfway through the first period, the posts and memes rolled in. 

Watching sports is meant to be a leisure activity. If the stress of it ever becomes too much for me, stepping away is vital. Having the denizens of krakenblr being silly alongside me is like having an extra layer of armour between us and the heartache of loss. We crack jokes about manifesting wins, about freeing our boys from the penalty box (they’ve never done anything wrong in their lives, ever, and even if they did those assholes had it coming), about our players who are babygirls, about the endless double-entendre made by Forslund and Olczyk. For each time we scored, for each penalty taken, each power play and penalty kill the tone set by everyone was simple: stay silly. 

In the last minute of the third period, the Kraken rally for one final push. With Daccord pulled from the net the 6-man rush is relentless, and they manage to get up in the Stars’ faces. This is the grit that so inspired my admiration. Though the recaps on the news feed might only list one or two names on the assist, the last goal of third period is thanks to everyone on the ice. The Kraken players perform as their namesake implies: as one they are a many-armed leviathan, come to drag you and yours down, down, down, into the deep.

Vince Dunn — Dunner or Vincess depending on who you ask — keeps the puck from the blue line, Wenny snatches it away from a tight spot between two Stars, and everyone works to feed it back onto Bjorkstrand’s tape. Bjorkstrand’s shot cracks down the line and into the crease — and how’s this for poetry: from the same goddamn place on the ice he shot the last time he had to even up a game going into overtime — and the ensuing scuffle ends with Tolvy tipping it past Wedgewood. After a deeply frustrating review from the situation room, the goal is called good and we’re confirmed for overtime. Various posts to the effect of, “No matter what happens, I love you all. We’ll be okay,” flood the tag as I refresh my page. With them, it truly ain’t that serious; and going into overtime, even knowing the Kraken have one of the least impressive OT records in the league, truly cements it for me. The Kraken will be my team for the foreseeable future.

I won’t keep you in suspense, if you’re reading this from the outside looking in. The game ends in a loss. But I’m no heavier than I was when the game started. On the contrary, I’m lighter. The little reservoir of dread that had built up inside me in the early hours of the game has been emptied by a tidal wave of sweetness, of sincere well-wishes and optimism. To the Kraken fans I’ve interacted with so far: thank you all so much for what is possibly the warmest welcome I’ve ever received to a fandom space, thank you for making this game and this team so easy to love, thank you for shielding my tender flesh from loss and making even defeats a little fun.

So what if the Kraken are a wagon? It’s a clown wagon, and we’re riding it together; hand in silly hand.

[v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e]

 I spoke about this before in my liveblogs, but I do think that, as sad as it is to witness it, the estrangement of the TNG crew does make sense, in-universe.

In the Trek universe, the two most tight-knit crews imo are the TOS and the TNG. These are the ones who stuck longer together - decades - and had very impactful relationships with each other.

And then we see them again in Picard, and they have this air of estrangement from each other, like they really didn’t get together for a long while, and I get why.

It’s because they lost Data.

Data’s essentially immortal nature was talked about several times in TNG. It was a constantly worry of his, that he would outlive all his human friends and stay alone. Everyone expected Data to be the last one standing, and suddenly they had to face the reality that he was the first one of them to go.

Grief can sometimes pull people closer together so they can share the pain together, but the problem here is that, well, this is not in Picard’s nature.

He blamed himself for Data’s death. Almost two decades later and he kept dreaming about Data, wishing their time together wouldn’t end.

He’s haunted by Data’s death, and spent over twenty years feeling this way.

And ultimately, he was haunted by the guilty of Data sacrificing his life for his own.

And in true Picard fashion, what all this guilty, all these feeligns of grief made him do?

It made him pull away from everyone who had essentially become his family for twenty years.

We saw bits of it before. He couldn’t even remember well the first time he saw Will and Deanna’s firstborn, and apparently he only saw him twice since his birth and him being five.

In this season, we learned that he and Beverly spent over twenty years having zero contact with each other, and Worf also remarked recently about Picard’s distance:

When he first saw Geordi’s daughter, it had been so long that he didn’t even recognized her.

And having Picard distance himself from them like this obviously made something shatter involving everyone else. First they lost Data, and Picard, everyone’s surrogate dad, pulls away; this is the family breaking up.

Will and Deanna had their son and his disease to worry about; Beverly was afraid of having her son involved with the trouble that follows Picard everywhere and pulled away from everyone else in her fear.

Geordi had lost his best friend of well over twenty years and resolved to dedicate himself totally to his work and his famly, too afraid to lose this family like he lost the other one.

It all goes back to Data, and how his death utterly shattered the sense of family they gained over the years, how it made Picard feel guilty and distance himself from everyone else, and how the literal loss of a member and the emotional loss of another made this once tight-knit crew become strangers to one another.

[nortism]

doctor who liveblog pt 22

s4 ep10 midnight

- i’m glad donna’s getting a nice holiday

- COLIN MORGAN OF BBC MERLIN FAME??! katie mcgrath next pls

- “ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon”

- ROSE ON THE TVVVVVVV

- oh god was she possessed

- FUCK SHES REPEATING LIKE THE THING OUTSIDE

- SHE GOT HIS VOICE

- that was such a good episode, genuinely unsettling

s4 ep11 turn left

- omg are we in a country that’s not the uk?? i didn’t know the tardis knew how to do that 😭😭

- oh never mind they’re on a different planet, should have known

- and billie piper!!

- oh the doctor’s dead

- get the screwdriver donna!!

- ROSE TYLER!!!!!!!!!!

- oh she’s vanished

- donna’s so funny

- NO MARTHA’S DEAD this sucks

- SARAH JANE SMITH’S DEAD?!?! this au is awful

- ROSE

- i love donna’s grandad so much it’s not even funny

- london’s gone??? thank god the world is free!

- not leeds

- uh oh america

- ROSE

- oh fuck jack as well

- oh great, now the uk is turning into nazi germany

- that’s a big old bug

- rip alternate universe donna

- BAD WOLF?!?!?!!????

- shitttttt

s4 ep12 the stolen earth

- oh fucj the earth’s gone

- MARTHA

- ohh fuck the companions r all gonna come together

- ROSE WITH A GIANT GUN WOOOO

- oh yeah the whole gang in the opening credits

- oh great we’re gonna find out what a shadow proclamation is

- ofc the british are celebrating the end of the world by drinking and rioting

- ofc it’s the fucking daleks

- i feel like there was easy ways to exterminate the human race i won’t lie

- the crucible?? always with the religious imagery

- idk if i trust the space cops

- not the rhinos again

- ohhhh they’re building a mega planet

- for what it’s worth, i trust martha to save the world. she’s done it before

- NO MARTHA

- the loss that is yet to come???

- also which god??

- BEES ARE ALIENS?!?!

- i knew i couldn’t trust the space cops

- ROSE

- when he was a 90 year old teenage girl

- HARRIET JONES MY LOVE

- yay martha’s alive

- aww rose is jealous

- is everyone here a jones?

- HARRIET NOOOOOO

- he’s still thinking about rose 😭😭

- jfc what is that

- ewww

- FUCKING DALEKS RUINING MY REUNION

- oh my polycule did reunite, just under the worst circumstances possible

- FUCK HES REGENERATING ALREADY

- noooo sarah jane

- whatttt

s4 ep13 journey’s end

- did he just regenerate back into david tennant???

- MICKEYYYYYYYYY

- JACKIEEEEEEEE

- oh the whole gang is back together i missed them 😭😭😭

- oh donna i love u

- they gotta stop leaving the tardis lying around!!!

- that’s nice of the daleks to translate for different countries

- that’s a lotta daleks

- donna?!!

- DONNA?!?!!??

- hello is donna regenerating?!?!

- ITS ANOTHER DOCTOR?!?!?

- dw rose this is just an avg day for jack

- nah is the new doctor technically donna and the doctor’s child???

- pls leave my girl and her mummy issues alone

- oh they’re soulmates

- when did martha learn german??

- oh yeah on her world tour

- it would be cool if they subtitled the german bc i’m getting none of this

- not loving the sound of a reality bomb

- omg they’re disintegrating

- oh so we’re destroying all matter now???

- won’t this also destroy the daleks??

- apparently not

- SHES GONNA BLOW UP THE EARTH

- oh fuck the whole gang’s been teleported

- it’s up to u now donna

- uh oh rip the other doctor

- uh oh rip donna

- this is a bit awkward

- YES FHEN DONNA

- the doctordonna

- SHES PART TIMELORD?!

- they oppenheimer-ed him

- K9!!!

- finally an explanation for why he sucks a flying the tardis so much, he needs more guys

- he’s got the biggest family on earth 😭😭

- she’s getting her own doctor?!

- aww she got her kiss?? i think aww?! this is a weird situation all round

- oh no donna’s malfunctioning

- wait what

- is she fucking dead

- HER MIND’S BEEN WIPED!!?!?!

- awww she’s forgotten him

- this is so sad

- aww granddad

- jesus that was bleak

[lonesomedreamer]

The Rings of Power Liveblog: “Shadow of the Past” (Episode 1)

Two years late, curiosity got the better of me, and I decided I had to see this thing for myself ahead of the second season premiere…spoiler: I didn’t hate it.

I’m not going to gripe about these children looking decidedly human (or at least not Elvish), because I understand the limitations of using, you know—actual human children as actors. But I will question the notion of Elvish children being smug bullies.

But baby Galadriel definitely looks the part.

“It’s not going to float, it’s going to sail.” Not off to a strong start with the dialogue…

Oh, the Elf children are…throwing rocks at her paper boat? All of them? Why?? I know the behavior of Elves in the First and Second Ages tended to be less detached/noble and whatnot, but little Galadriel is literally about to punch this Elf boy…

I have so many questions about this hairstyle choice.

“We have no word for death.” Somehow, I doubt that. This is the Second Age, right? Elves had definitely already experienced death.

Why does this seem like a slightly retooled Minas Tirith design? Is this supposed to be VALINOR??? (Actually, this would be a decent Amber design…)

A very underwhelming depiction of the destruction of the Two Trees…this is what Amazon spent amlost a billion dollars on? I know they can’t accurately depict what happened because, you know, no rights to The Silmarillion, but it still underwhelmed me.

This sequence is just all so obviously CGI. While I’m no fan of the original Jackson films (sorry, I know—boo, hiss), a lot of it looks real.

“See, it’s just like that Game of Thrones spinoff you like, but with terrible CG!”

It would be so helpful if Galadriel’s voiceover told viewers that Orcs were created as a mockery of the Elves, or hinted at why Morgoth created them/why he hated the Elves. Unfortunately, this is what happens when you try to adapt a work to which you don’t have all the rights.

She is very, very pretty.

“What devilry is this?” Is that a word in Middle-earth?

Lots of Galadriel confidently assuming she knows things she can’t possibly know (for the sake of hurrying the story/journey along, I guess)…if only the streaming services didn’t limit themselves to eight or ten episodes and gave their stories room to breathe!

Anyone watching who’s never read The Silmarillion (or even the trilogy): who the fuck is Morgoth? What are the Trees?? What year is it??? What’s going on here??!? Again, the huge problem of adapting a larger story/universe when you only have partial rights…

Insert obligatory video game-esque troll battle that’s also a callback to the Moria scenes of the FOTR film. You can use the bathroom here and miss nothing.

Some proto-Hobbits, because why not? I did like the “hidden village” reveal thing, though!

I kind of love them?

There’s a lot to be said for the charm and appeal of the Shire from an audience perspective, the comfort of it (which is why the Scourging of the Shire is so thematically important and excising it was an irredeemable sin…but I digress), so I actually 100% understand why they included these guys. TTT is by far the bleakest book of the trilogy, my least-favorite, and the lack of the Shire is a huge reason why.

23 years later and I’m still not over the utter miscasting of Hugo Weaving. Visually, this Elrond isn’t really better. Why is Elrond so damn hard to get right??? And his hair is described as black!

The best costumes a billion-dollar budget could buy?

“Elf-lords only.” Such a dignified, Elvish thing to say…

Yes, Elves could be haughty and unkind; just ask Bilbo! But Elrond is an Elf-lord. Hmm.

Also…Elrond and Galadriel appear to be approximately the same age. It doesn’t matter that Galadriel is actually much older (and his eventual mother-in-law!), because TV is such a visual medium.

This is actually a larger overall problem. Because most of The Lord of the Rings takes place over the course of one year, an adaptation doesn’t need to hold the audience’s hand regarding the passage of time. But in this case, as Galadriel’s narration too-briefly mentions, events are taking place across hundreds and even thousands of years. Elves like Galadriel are significantly older than others, like Elrond, but unless you tell the audience that, they won’t know, and the story loses something as a result.

Even though this design is clearly based on Rivendell in the Jackson films, it is quite lovely.

Pretty!!!

How do Galadriel and Elrond know each other? They seem close. Inquiring minds want to know!

The content and context of this scene is meaningless, but I don’t care—it’s just so pretty!

Even though I know they get worse, for now I don’t really mind the proto-Hobbits. They’re obviously not Tolkien, but they’re an homage, and they’re fun/visually appealing.

The casting director gets a D+ for the male Elves. (Then again, they were poorly-cast in the Jackson films too.)

“And as a reward, you will all be exiled!” lmfao. Being shipped off to Valinor doesn’t seem like much of a punishment, though. Where do I volunteer?

Still, it makes sense that Galadriel, who (correctly!) believes Sauron to still be alive and a threat and who wishes to avenge her brother, would be upset about this. They’ve changed her backstory/motivations—which I hate—but her attitude does track with those changes.

Nuns??

This set design is magical, no notes.

Luthien??

She really is perfectly cast.

Elrond, one of the wisest and kindest of all the Elves, is being written as some smug royal enforcer. Just like the Jackson films wrote him as a grumpy, condescending overprotective dad. Sigh.

“[Evil] waits. And at the moment of our complacency, it blinds us.” I mean…yeah, that’s basically how it goes down in Middle-earth. Repeatedly.

Not Elrond mansplaining about Valinor to someone who was literally born there…

None of these people look like Elves.

“I’m going with you!” But why?!? This lady is a healer with a youngish son still dependent on her at home!!!

I really hate them saying “mum” instead of “ma” or “mama” or something similar. (I’d also hate it if they were saying “mom,” to be clear. It’s just so modern-sounding and breaks any immersion they’ve built so far.)

Wow, the hilt of a broken sword with Sauron’s symbol on it… Generic “halfling” characters I can enjoy as a homage. This is lazy writing. And see? I knew her son needed adult supervision. (It’s also a ripoff of Pippin and the Palantir.)

(muttering) None of these people look—oh, forget it.

Elves don’t age as Men do (or age extremely slowly/imperceptibly), so what’s going on with this dude?

Gorgeous, all.

Ents???

Galadriel jumping off of the ship and just…floating there in the middle of the sea is as silly as the naysayers said it would be. However, I thought the scene leading up to it was fairly well-executed, though I wish they’d done a better job animating the rain of silver glass that leads into Valinor…that image has always resonated with me.

The Good:

Many absolutely stunning visuals thanks to great set design (with Valinor of all places somehow being the least-impressive!) and, apart from some cheap/underwhelming looks, costume design that varies from good to great

A solid score that seems to be trying a little bit too hard to mimic Howard Shore’s from the films

Morfydd Clark, in her entirety; the writing for Galadriel might be awful in upcoming episodes, but her casting was inspired

I find the Harfoots whimsically charming, at least so far, especially Nori.

The use of Tolkienesque maps to indicate location changes

An attempt was clearly made, in this episode if nowhere else, to pay homage to the source material, even the source material they don’t have the rights to use outright (the Two Trees, Morgoth, perhaps Luthien)…it’s better than nothing.

The Bad

Every single male Elf is miscast; yes, I said every single one, from Galadriel’s brother to Elrond to the OC Arondir. Gil-galad and Celebrimbor look like they’re in their late 40s/50s, at best, and idk…there’s nothing “Elvish” or “ageless” about any of the male actors playing Elves. (Full disclosure: I don’t remember being impressed by the male Elves in the Jackson films, either.) I also saw someone say that Gil-galad looks like Liam Neeson in a mullet, and now I can’t unsee that.

Some really clunky dialogue

Lack of adequate backstory/exposition…but exposition in an adaptation like this is hard, because most of it is contained in The Silmarillion, for which they don’t own the rights.

Building on that theme, I appreciate the idea of “showing not telling,” however…did they ever tell us Galadriel’s brother name (Finrod)? Or that “the king” is Gil-galad? Or even suggest that there are a variety of different Elves in Middle-earth? A lot of people know these things, because we know Tolkien. But I’ve got to assume that a lot of others don’t. Heck, it took them until almost the end of the episode to name one of their OCs (Bronwyn).

Some worthless scenes, like Galadriel’s company fighting the “ice troll” in the mountains. Actually, the entire sequence in the mountain lair was badly-written.

I don’t care about the “forbidden romance” subplot between the OCs Arondir and Bronwyn…if they’d spent longer than a few minutes in the first episode establishing their relationship/characters, maybe I’d be more invested. (See my earlier complaint about unnecessarily short seasons—some stories need room to grow!)

Even though my criticism outweighs my praise, even though I’m a self-identified Tolkien purist, I thought this was…fine. It’s an absolute feast for the eyes, truly gorgeous to watch (even with all those woefully miscast male Elves)—visually, apart from a few moments of obvious CGI, it’s what I would expect/want from a Tolkien adaptation! My expectations aren’t high for the rest of the series. There are upcoming plot points that I know will disappoint, infuriate, and disgust me. But considering that I went into this episode expecting to loathe it, I was pleasantly surprised.

Besides, I’m going to keep watching no matter what to see more of Nori and Morfydd’s face. This also makes me want to finish The Silmarillion, which I have been starting and then “saving for later” since I was a small child.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 6 notes

today's adventure with our favorite agents didn't really do a lot for me but. at least it wasn't super sad? so let's go? i guess?

liveblog begins NOW!

this episode sounds like it is gonna make me squeamish. extremely so. and also i just read the rest of the episode descriptions for the season and i’m sad so i really hope this is SOMEHOW a happy one. hey, listen, it’s possible!

author’s note: sometimes i hate being right. sometimes i hate thinking, boy, this sure looks like it’s gonna make me feel lightheaded, and it does.

oh, how i look forward to diving into the fluff fic recommendations from my last post…. <3 

but we must suffer through canon, no?

we open with someone about to undergo some liposuction, a thing i have never wanted to see. the patient is being wheeled in and the doctor is being informed of what kind of appointment he has next. the doctor is really really scrubbing his hands to the point i thought he was shaking and OH! his hands are very bloody. oh. i do not think that is clean. 

oh god i’m in for a rough ride this episode aren’t i, i realize as we see him bleed through his gloves and begin the surgery. OHHHHH an incision. I AM NOT LOOKING I AM NOT LOOKING. i am looking a little OUGH is THAT what this procedure looks like from the doctor’s end??? oh my gosh. oh man. the… sucking…

deep breathing.

the nurse goes to see a different patient and explains she doesn’t know where the doctor is. the doctor is… currently REALLY going ham on the sucking. WHAAAA we see the blood fill up the tube and oh man i’m not joking like straight up being so honest w you i can feel my body growing faint. i actually did not look at the screen until the intro because that was too close for me. and yes i understand he was….um. going TOO hard.

oh mein gott… the things i do for these two agents….

save me intro. save me pretty picture of scully. and that scene where they burst in with the guns and flashlights. save me.

okay. i’ve regained most of my feeling in my head. now the doctor is here, very sorrowfully explaining how he was watching himself do those things without having any control over it.

ah, he is speaking to mulder, who suggests that it may be spirit or demon possession. 

so mulder and scully are here talking to the doctor, but the lawyer says he did NOT want mulder talking to him lmaooo. 

scully asks what meds he’s taking and the lawyer again shuts them down. rude as hell. she wants to know about his sleeping pills. let her doctor as needed tf

oh…. scully going straight into a detailed explanation of how his medication worked <3 i just love her… this is why i suffer through the fat sucking (which has now occurred multiple times??)

why is mulder eyeing this nurse. don’t think i didn’t notice that…

this doctor was taking more than a sleeping pill a day, and she says it has controversial effects, so maybe that could make a guy do such a thing. it’s a good start to a theory.

she seems mad as hell that this space is being used for cosmetic surgery and not as a hospital and i love that she has some righteous rage going on there… let her save some damn lives!! 

“everyone’s doing it… or so i’ve heard” <- the thought of mulder getting plastic surgery is so silly… like is he not already the most gorgeous fellow alive

mulder’s on the floor looking at some weird marks and drawing a pentagram in the victim’s blood. average behavior for a guy like him. not convincing to scully, however.

scary facts with scully: deaths due to doctor's errors are upwards of 80,000 a year! that’s horrific and for my own sanity i’m not going to google how those stats have changed 

“i don’t think it’s a simple possession, scully, i think it’s sorcery or black magic or something like that” (said with his hands on his hips in the standard mulder pose) love him so bad…. please recite to me the different levels of magic in order of complexity

they run into the nurse who was on call at the time the sucking incident went down, and she is like idk how it could happen… but when mulder tells her the doctor is claiming he was possessed, she says “i guess it’s cheaper than malpractice insurance” LMAO i like her… don’t tell me she was the one doing the sorcery or something, let us have one nice side character who makes it out alive 

(author's note: ...)

then the agents try to talk to a doctor, but she says the patient can’t wait, which sparks more scully bitterness. mulder is watching the surgery stream. weird fellow

cutscene to a table with a conspicuous pentagram on it. someone is saying they need to keep calm. it seems they are the doctors at the facilities?

okay, so another procedure is going on. the patient says she’s getting a skin peel but the nurse is putting LEECHES ON HER?? man what the hell is going on here. and it’s the nice nurse who is doing it too 😭😭😭

mulder is making faces in the mirror now, seeming to mull the possibility of getting rhinoplasty over LMAOOO but scully knocks at his door… it’s video time!! woohoo, pop that bad boy in the VHS player!!

aww, it’s not a fun time video. it’s the video of the killing, and mulder claims to see a pentagram. scully is gagged that the doctor stabbed/sucked the dude to death, but i’m choosing to focus here on her beautiful freckles…..

he’s saying that a pentagram is for protection, so it wouldn’t even make sense, BUT “it does make sense that witchcraft or black magic would find a theater in a place like this, preying on the weak and vainglorious” <- woah... he's a philosopher

get yourself a man who can explain the positive connotations of pentagrams and other nerd stuff with 100% sincerity

oh my god, mulder is sitting on the bed and looking up at scully here, and i need it FRAMED. do you know the scene i’m talking about? i’d give you the time stamp if i had it. the way he’s looking at her…. oh my goodness... my heart. 

the stomach pills the doctor was taking had an ingredient used in hexing rituals. live scully response: “well, if it’s that simple, why don’t you put out an APB for someone riding a broom and wearing a tall black hat?” <- LMAOOOO get his ass

he scrunches up his nose at this comment and oh my gosh. oh… i want to hold this grown man.

BUT he is saying the ritual might not be over yet, while he stares up at her so adoringly, and man… i’m so sensitive 

okay back to the hospital, where this shady coalition of doctors seems to be debriefing. the nurse is there, who i am now suspicious of for engaging in leech-related activities. 

oh! one of the other doctors went into a patient’s room and started burning their face with a laser. luckily, this is visually unrealistic enough for me to not nearly faint this time.

so this doctor who did the face lasering- dr. ilaqua- is now being seen by scully. and he is on the same sleeping medication as the first guy!!!

back at a computer, mulder is looking at before and after rhinoplasty pictures. NO... i love his nose… he had BEST NOT DO A DAMN THING to it. and he’s holding a pencil up to test how straight his nose is and MY MAN. STOP. you are beautiful. who told you otherwise. i love his nose.........

oh! the leeches were used to make a pentagram on the victim’s body. this is not a good sign.

this creepy panel of doctors is meeting again when the agents arrive and do not give a fuck about their meeting. yes!! more agents walking into places without knocking!!! it is my favorite! it sustains me!

scully says she’s sorry to barge in but it’s a matter of urgency whilst not looking sorry in the slightest. which suits her!

and one of the doctors- dr. franklyn- is explaining that there were similar deaths 10 years ago… and they’re pinning the blame on the nurse!!! saying she was there 10 years ago and just transferred back in!!!

i do not believe it in the slightest that if she IS involved in this, she is doing it on her own. but the doctor says she left early. where to?

well, the camera takes us to go do some creepy chanting, of course! in a room filled with candles and statues and jewelry. and she’s naked i think too which is a risk around so many open flames. okay and now some hair is being cut. but it’s not the nurse who is doing the chanting nor the trimming. whoever it is seems to be falling asleep. 

the agents are here, and it is dark, and they are not messing around. they are going to this creepy house. with a cat meowing and a broom on the steps! i see what you did there.

mulder jokes that the broom gives them probable cause LMAO and then he starts to open the door as if it actually does… only to find a pentagram!!! dun dun DUUUUN!

it’s kicking the door down time, a good time in my opinion. where they hold the flashlight in one hand and the gun in the other… yeah. always a showy move. never gets old.

oh no!! scully finds the ritual space!! what could she have been doing in here?, she asks... girl i think you know damn well lmao

dr. franklyn from the council is coming home to his mansion… and his lights won’t turn on. that’s suspicious. that’s weird. 

it’s very very quiet as he goes into his bathroom… AND FINDS SOMETHING WRITTEN ON BLOOD IN THE WALL!!

it looks like latin which i sadly cannot read :(

well, it could be blood OR lipstick, all things considered

and the tub is flowing with blood which is not a welcome sight. as he stares at his reflection like narcissus, something LEAPS out and GETS HIM!! so now there is a very bloody person loose in his house!!

he goes to call 911 but gets put on hold… as this person is going to TOWN on him with a knife. 

the agents roll up and we see that it is the NURSE who is covered in the blood and just did the stabbing!!!! she says she needs to be let go, but i’m not gonna lie, i think that would be a very bad idea. mulder wants to chat. she’s saying she’s trying to stop “them”, but they’re too powerful… and then she… chokes up needles?? oh. and blood. 

scully says get her in surgery NOW and also i’m going with her to the ER. while mulder looks at all the pins on the ground from her insides and then PICKS ONE UP???? the germs…..

so dr. franklyn got away and is being stitched up by one of the other doctors. they are not seeming to be enjoying the witchcraft theory. mulder watches dr. franklyn lay down in his bed and then when he leaves he starts to levitate!!!! what!!! and he’s smiling while doing this!!!

who are these weirdos…

it’s 3:40 AM and mulder has his demon books out, but really he’s looking at himself again in the mirror. bro is insecure and it’s making me sad. 

a knock at the door. scully!! at nearly 4 am. “god, you look tired”, says mulder, in a way that expresses concern rather than being mean. and she actually doesn’t look tired at all because it’s TV, but i’ll suspend my disbelief again. 

anyway, the nurse died from throwing up hundreds of pins. but how did they get IN there…

it has to be allotriophagy, says mulder, consulting his witchcraft encyclopedia! when you’re possessed and cough up strange and horrible things! which i shall use as an excuse next time i need to call in sick to work.

he stole the book from the nurse’s house, and also a calendar, where he found april 30th starred. and he explains it is one of the “four greater witches’ Sabbaths”, a natural thing for an FBI agent to know! /s

oh get this… the high holy days correspond to the birthdays of the victims!!! so that would be a good way to predict who is next.. but mulder says the nurse was trying to protect them with the pentagram, and she must have known something about dr. franklyn!!

so the doctors are talking about having a good thing going and people trying to take it away… i guess they're all in on this?

dr. franklyn has another procedure coming up, but the other doctor is like no dude you look terrible and you can’t mess this up, we'll get shut down, i’m doing it 

and gasp!! there is a patient going in that was born on one of the holy days!!! and that patient is going into surgery right now!

OH MY GOSH HE BURNED HER FACE OFF. THERE IS NO FACE LEFT. WHAT. WHAT DID I JUST SEE. 

so now they’re talking to another doctor, dr. shannon. they’re talking about how they successfully covered up the death cases from 10 years ago because they have made a TON of money doing plastic surgery. she says 4 patients died and a doctor named dr. cox worked himself to death. hmm...

mulder says to run dr. cox's photo through a cosmetic program… and it makes dr. franklyn… woah… spoooooky……

now we hear some labored scraping as dr. franklyn is doing knife twisting. carving… something. very sweatily. gross.

mulder’s theory is that dr. cox killed those patients in order to become dr. franklyn through some blood sacrifice to make himself pretty. i mean... did it work? let’s discuss. he looks fine, but not "i killed four people to look this good" fine.

now he’s getting some more tools… and he’s hurting the other doctor, dr. shannon!! with his mind! he didn’t even touch her!

mulder is at dr. franklyn's house with scully and they have their guns. god they’re beautiful. and she’s standing on a pentagram!! that has been inverted!!! 

“they represent the goat of lust attacking heaven with its horns”, he says about the pentagram <- he’s SUCH a nerddddd omfggg

and he wrote in all the names of the patients he killed in his carving!! including dr. shannon!!! uh oh...

and they’re bringing dr. shannon in for surgery, saying she swallowed something.

dr. franklyn is…. cutting into his scalp. i am not looking so don’t worry. 

mulder says do not let them operate on dr. shannon!!!!

oh my goodness, franklyn is just. cutting into his face. and i’m not looking but i am HEARING. the noises that are being produced.

they’re cutting into shannon and bleh. blehhh.

scully bursts in and says stop the surgery NOW!! and they’re all, who tf are you, get out of here!!! but she says i am a DOCTOR you need to LISTEN TO ME!! i love when she does that!

mulder is on the prowl for dr. franklyn. and he sees that he made a pentagram in blood. OH MY GOD HE CUT HIS OWN FACE OFF?? and left it there like a snake shedding it’s skin 😭😭

they pulled a ton of surgical instruments out of dr. shannon… so mulder says franklyn must have failed to complete his ritual….

but he managed to kill some other person who was born on halloween…. okay, that wasn’t a happy ending….

OH! dr. franklyn has a NEW FACE and is now getting a job in LA!

so… he’s just gonna… keep doing successful surgeries for 10 years and then take a little break to go on a killing spree, get a new face, and dip?

well. at least he sticks to a schedule?

um. okay. so what am i thinking here….

well, i did nearly faint many times. i am not looking forward to editing my notes and reliving that. i do not think this is an episode i would give a rewatch based on how i reacted to it.

but, the last few episodes have been super dark, and this one somehow felt… lighter? despite everything. we got some jokes in there and some silly time. and even if it ended on a “oh no, he’s still out there!” reveal, it was somehow less emotionally draining than the last few. 

was it ridiculous? yes. but was it also kind of refreshing after the last two episodes? also yes! which i think is a testament to how dark things have been rather than the quality of this episode. 

it was fine. it didn’t really do a whole lot for me. i mean, interesting to think of plastic surgery as devil worship, i guess, but potentially a reductive take. idk. i guess i don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about these things. 

things i DID like in this episode: that conversation mulder had with scully, where he was sitting on the bed looking up at her like he was going to ask for her hand in marriage or to be best friends forever and ever or talk about the meaning of being alive or some similar topic. it was so terribly tender. also, facts with scully! tell me about controversial drugs!! and mulder, tell me about the symbolism of a pentagram! i love these nerds! that was kind of it, though.

it was an episode. an episode with some good things and some meh things. that’s sort of par for the course. just… next time, less surgery. please. for me?

[squirrels-are-sleeping]

COUNTER/Weight 29: Three Conversations, Liveblog

There's been so much new music since we've set out from Counterweight, I'm so happy!

AUSTIN: … It is a mistake to think the graduate of the new stratus program is merely a weapons platform or some sort of fantasy pulled from the  neurovids. They are the embodiment of a new mode of being. In time, they’ll reveal not only the secrets of corporate labs, not only the workings of your holy divines, but the interiority of interiority itself.

Whoa whoa whoa, Austin Walker, you get back here and tell me some more about the state of scholarship on modes of being in the Golden Branch Sector! Where does Maryland September stand in relation to the ontological turn in science and technology studies? Is "Modes of Existence" by Bruno Latour still cited, *as it should be*? Please tell me this, it's very important.

Also, I assume Attar Rose is Ibex before Righteousness, that's cool.

KEITH: (typing and copying Austin) When my smartass mouth ruins the mission. ART: So we’ve just decided that Keith gets infinity XP, is that what we’re doing here? AUSTIN: This is the problem with this is, so often the case his smartass mouth, for whatever reason, ends up going into a roll he succeeds at, which means he probably won’t get experience from it.

I can already picture it. Mako: "I am actually the Divine Smoothness, it's weird that you haven't heard of me" NPC: "That tracks, let me tell you all my secrets"

KEITH: I want to be sort of grumpily doing a chore AUSTIN: You’re like, rearranging the food rations in the kitchen alphabetically, because Orth demanded that an alphabetic kitchen is the most organized kitchen and it’s just… the worst.

Mako doing chores to appease Orth is honestly a gift that keeps on giving, I hope it just keeps happening forever.

JACK (as AuDy): Due to unstable solar wind, please remain in your cabins. JACK: And then I just nudge the stick very slightly so that the ship maintains its course but begins to spin slowly on its axis. And then I walk back to the cockpit.

I love that AuDy is a huge liar, and apparently Liberty & Discovery is right there with them as well.

Also: the transcript keeps "as AuDy" notation, but it's still not clear to me how mixing multiple artificial personalities in one robot chassis works. Do they stack like bricks, together but distinct, or do they mix like a chemical reaction into an altogether new compound?

JACK (as AuDy): You know, Ibex? What I need to know about you now, after ten years, is whether or not the fact that Jerboa is no longer in the picture is something you’ve chalked up as a good thing. AUSTIN (as Ibex): No…  AUSTIN: And he struggles for a second, and it’s hard to tell what he’s struggling against. AUSTIN (as Ibex): It hurts, a lot.

You know, this is probably what I, too, needed to hear from Ibex. Up until now it wasn't clear to me that this fucker isn't completely divorced from compassion, love, or pain that isn't his own. Good question, AuDy-and-Liberty-and-Discovery.

JACK (as AuDy): … Look. This is very strange for all of us, but I think if we all just work together as a crew at this point, we’re going to be able to move forward. In space… and time.

Babygirl (gender-neutral), you're on a moving spaceship >.<

But anyway, this specific sentence is so wooden and uncomfortable, when their speech isn't at all, otherwise. I choose to interpret it as AuDy papering over a feeling of vulnerability.

JACK (as AuDy): I’m the Divine Liberty and the - KEITH: (overlapping) and Discovery. JACK (as AuDy): Divine Discovery. (a pause) Yeah. Those. KEITH (as Mako): Knew it.

Mako really wants to have known about this, when it's blatantly obvious he's only just found out.

KEITH (as Mako): (whispering) I didn’t, didn’t really know that he was a Divine. ART (as Cass): Yeah, I know buddy.

God, this is so sweet. It's never been so evident that Cass is a full decade older, and approximately 100 years more mature

JACK: Uh… [Orth] just goes and sits in the tiny co-pilot’s chair we’ve made and swings it around, away from the group.

My heart is never not breaking for Orth. He's still that aggressively over-promoted pilot who wants to hide in his quarters and watch anime, huh.

JACK (as AuDy): Mako… Mako. You are not clobbering the Divine Candidate Ibex. You are not doing that. KEITH (as Mako): You killed his brother! JACK (as AuDy): Well, we’ve talked about that.  ALI (as Aria): To be fair, all of us are owed like one shot. JACK (as AuDy): Nobody here is clobbering Ibex.  AUSTIN: AuDy, when was the last time that you saw Jerboa as a child?

Hey, Austin? OUCH

JACK: … Everybody in space is sad.

A tagline for this show if I've ever heard one (and also why I can't get enough of it)

AUSTIN: … [Ibex] is older now, and carries himself less aggressively, and that gives him more confidence, and so in a way it’s actually a more powerful pose.

Right, what this guy needed was more confidence

AUSTIN (as Ibex): … So, you’re headed to September? JACK (as AuDy): That was the plan. AUSTIN (as Ibex): What for? ALI (as Aria): Mostly to stop you from killing us? AUSTIN (as Ibex): (quietly) Oh god… I’m in the middle of an invasion, there’s a coup happening … I don’t have time to swat flies. We send those messages out all the time. There’s an algorithm, it plugs in names, it develops threats specifically to upset people so they’ll get in line. I don’t make (chuckles) personal appearances very often. I’m very busy.

That motherfucker! "I'm too busy to send you threatening messages"

KEITH (as Mako): I don’t like you at all. AUSTIN (as Ibex): That’s fair… a lot of people don’t like me. Lot of people don’t like medicine. They still take it. KEITH (as Mako): You can’t just say shit! [mocking tone] “A lot of people don’t like me, a lot of people don’t like mehhh…” [blows raspberries] that doesn’t mean anything!

I really like how Keith's characters take on Ibex. (I was going to say "how Mako takes on Ibex", but Sokrates handled him similarly). They don't argue against his points, they just dismiss them as meaningless wholesale, and it's very effective.

AUSTIN: He reaches out and touches Mako’s head, and like… it’s cold? His hands are cold. And… he, like… runs his hands though your hair as if he’s looking for something. And he finds it, and rests his forehead on yours. And suddenly you feel it too? It’s… like… you’ve been carrying something for a long time? Like… weight that you had been so used to carrying around? That it stopped feeling like weight.

He can just… uninstall Righteousness from Mako by bonking heads together, and without doing a reinstall of everything else that Mako is? I'm shocked that it's even possible, but maybe that's where the metaphor of Righteousness as an operating system breaks down

KEITH (as MAKO): He’s not here! You said he was coming, and he didn’t come, he sent a robot! AUSTIN (as IBEX): What are you talking about? JACK (as AUDY): It stings a little, Ibex, that you wouldn’t… [Ibex scoffs] that you wouldn’t come in person… oh… [AuDy laughs]. AUSTIN (as IBEX): This is it, man…

I am very confused by what this is saying about the whole Ibex-Righteousness situation.

ETA after finishing the episode: nope, still confused. I get that Ibex and Righteousness have basically merged. I don't get how the fact that Ibex has a robotic jaw and voice box got AuDy to conclude that he's being taken over by Righteousness. Lots of people have cyberware, no? (It probably doesn't matter in the grand scheme)

AUSTIN (as IBEX): [long-ass speech about big animals going extinct from cold, and small animals thinking they've done it, and therefore, Rigour is scary] ART: For someone who is so scared, this is an insane way to tell us this information! ALI: It’s incredibly in character.

Seriously, that fucking guy! It's not just he is scared, he also wants to mobilise them and recruit them to his purpose, and long metaphoric speeches are one of his prime tools. He's just a walking wall of sound.

AUSTIN (as IBEX): How you getting on with your [sibling]these days? Sokrates? ART (as CASS): I… we haven’t spoken since the war. AUSTIN (as IBEX): OK, well… if you could send them a letter, that would be good. Don’t… I’m not… just let them know that there’s… something big. I don’t think he’d be a big fan of Rigour.

yes yes yes get more Sokrates in here, i love them. Get Cass talking to their family. Good job, Ibex

AUSTIN (as IBEX): … Rigour devours people, but that’s about it. KEITH (as MAKO): AuDy, do you devour people?  JACK (as AUDY): No. … JACK (as AUDY): I murdered my first Candidate with a saw.  JACK: I’m not saying that… but that’s what happened!

alkfdjhfadjsf well if he hadn't gone around disappointing the Divine by drawing all those Jokers

AUSTIN: When you secure Maryland September, mark experience. If you each escape September alive, mark experience. ART: Is that one each, or one if all of us get out? AUSTIN: It’s one if all of you get out.

F E A R

I can smell self-sacrifice, and people dying while trying to stop each other from self-sacrifice

JACK: Great. I love space. Space is just… Everything’s going fine.

Another tagline, along with "everybody in space is sad"

Final episode thoughts: So much has happened within the space of three conversations! We're not running away from Ibex any more? Ibex is the quest-giver??

It's just as well that Rigour went to September, tbh, because I can't see how Ibex could talk these guys around from running away from him to working for him, otherwise. It was going to take more than a parable about big animal extinction.

[icebluecyanide]

Alex Rider S03E06 Reaction

Unspoilered episode reactions, warning for book spoilers, you know the drill. Time to kill Mrs Jones!

Liveblog

‘We have both been betrayed too many times’ over an image of John, nice

Don’t just approach the strange man watching you, Jack!!

Why did he tell Jack?? It’s sort of wild that Alex is thinking of killing Mrs Jones as just something he needs to do first, like he can in any way go back to a normal life after. Like, also him thinking he would ‘just’ finish Scorpia, like that’s not an entire criminal organisation that’s been hidden for years. Alex, I love you but perhaps these are not realistic life goals

Omg why would you get the CIA involved

Ahsdlfhs I need Alex to be more isolated, I can’t handle him seeming to be winning this argument with Yassen about contacting Jack when it was objectively a stupid thing to do. ‘She needed to know I was okay’ Alex… you will literally never be able to live a normal life again if you kill Mrs Jones, you showing yourself to Jack will not make this easier in any way

‘We trust each other, you should try it sometime’ Alex you literally just met up with your friend in secret ahsdlfhs

Oh no I think Yassen may know that the story about Mrs Jones isn’t true. ‘Shortly after the operation. Shortly after your father died’ sounds like Yassen knows John didn’t die on the bridge. But also gosh him telling Alex he could be a good killer!! What are Yassen’s motives here?? 

Ayyy first Helen mention, that took a while. Interesting choice to have Yassen be the one to tell Alex, and that he knows about the plane crash

“Because it’s my job. I work for Scorpia. And I’m good at it” 🥺

“You think this is about John. Alex Rider’s father” ahsldhfs why not just call him John Rider lol

YASSEN IS COOKING FOR THEM!!! 🥰 They’re having dinner together omg 

“You can’t kill someone and go home. You can only go forward.” “forward to what?” “To the next target” ooof gosh he’s not wrong tho and Alex is definitely overdue hearing that given his behaviour earlier this ep

“Alex worked it out, because he’s actually quite good at this stuff” yeah I mean that is part of why they blackmailed him to work for the Department, Tom ahsldfhs what sort of burn is this supposed to be lol weren’t you all glad Blunt wasn’t interested in Alex anymore??

“If i were betrayed like that, I would make sure there were consequences, no matter how long it took” lol foreshadowing

Gosh this part about her trying to make him separate from Jack is a lot more complicated in the show than in the book, what with Alex not being as isolated/him not feeling like he’s already decided to be with Scorpia/Scorpia being a lot more brutal to him so far

“He’s confused” I mean he’s also trying to kill Mrs Jones and joined a criminal organisation. So like, they absolutely should be treating him with caution now

Why are they not putting together yet that Alex is going after Mrs Jones tho? In the book Blunt puts extra security on her the moment it becomes clear that Alex may have joined Scorpia because he learned about Albert Bridge, it doesn’t seem such a big leap to assume Alex is out to kill a particular person?

Love how they kept in the Coke trick with the metal detector, always loved that in the book haha

Lmao Alex just putting together the gun on camera

I love how she immediately notices the picture being turned down and knows something is wrong

Alex is so angry!! I’m sad that we don’t get Mrs Jones challenging Alex about his dad being a killer tho

Overall

Very nice. Some really cool scenes this episode, loved how much Yassen and Alex we are getting but oh man I need the Department at least to be rough with Alex when they bring him in after this, I crave Consequences.

Thought/predictions

Some very interesting Yassen and Alex scenes in this episode, and I loooove the fact that they are living in the safe house together for a bit and that Yassen was cooking them dinner, but also it is wild to me how Alex could just walk out. Where is the danger, the consequences of him telling people? Yassen is huffy for one moment and then Alex talks back and they move on like ahsdlfhs I love Yassen being soft for Alex, but he really is being very foolish contacting people he knows like that. Like ‘yeah I’m on a mission of revenge and I’m planning the murder of a government official but after that I plan to come home’ like Alex… 

Those were some really wild reactions to Kyra stealing the equivalent of state secrets lol. Like, those are highly classified files, and frankly the fact that Smithers either didn’t notice it going missing or didn’t care because he likes Kyra makes me think that perhaps the Department is not ISO certified.

Okay so, Julia Rothman wants revenge on Blunt and John (through Alex). The plan was just Blunt until Alex started searching for Scorpia and now Mrs Rothman really wants to watch him die too (which I assume Alex will learn once they tell him about what Scorpia is planning next ep when they bring him in). 

Yassen on the other hand seems to think Alex can be a killer like him and John, and I still can’t tell if he knows that John betrayed Scorpia. Because he is very ‘emotions don’t matter’ so it is possible that yes he felt betrayed but now he put that aside, and he is not about things getting personal and doesn’t question orders, so he might never have even considered that Julia Rothman actually wants Alex dead. Because apparently he’s happy never thinking lol. But that also means that perhaps once he’s forced to choose between Scorpia and Alex later this season, he may need to make an actual choice, and may realise that Julia actually planned to kill Alex from the start. Alternatively, he doesn’t know but also never looked into it. But the way he phrased things when it came to Alex’s mother dying and warned Alex not to make things personal is a bit suspicious. But also that means he’s lying to Alex about his dad??

Also Kyra loves Alex apparently, but I wish we could have got more on her feelings about Alex joining the organisation that murdered her parents. Like, it may even have been Yassen who did it, and now Alex is hanging out with him. Can we please get some moral consequences and angst in here?

I want a hundred more scenes of Alex and Yassen living in the safe house. Did they do dishes together? Did they have separate bedrooms? What’s it like for Alex to spend so much time with the man who killed his uncle? He did actually seem to warm up to Yassen from around that time with the shopping list, but it has to be strange when he’s reminded of Yassen being a killer.

I assume they will send Alex in again like in canon but I really wonder what that conversation will be like, because I always liked how in the books Alex is sort of half resigned to the fact that they are going to ask him, and half knows he wants to do it because he wants to save people & get back at Julia Rothman for the lies and also her trying to kill him.

Questions

Does Yassen know??? I need to know more about his motivations

Is Tom’s brother going to be okay without a good cameraman?

Will Tom move to Malta?

What is Yassen going to do when he sees Alex is caught??

How did the shooting end this time, did Alex just straight up miss or is there still a glass wall?

[sportsthoughts]

Sorry if I missed this lore drop previously, but how'd you get into the Pens? I love your gifs and positivity that you bring to the lb!

Buckle up anon. I thought about one line answering this but I enjoy the phrase 'lore drop' so much I think you deserve the deep dive. It'll take a while to get to the pens but you asked for lore so...

I have been sportsthoughts on tumblr since 2015 ish - maybe slightly earlier - and this has always been a sportsblr/sports rpf-y type blog in various iterations.

This blog was originally used for liveblogging UK Premier League and La Liga football matches. I have always been a huge football fan (my childhood team is Arsenal - north London forever ❤️ etc etc) and when I moved away to university at 18 none of my new friends were into sports and I really missed watching games with my family.

Finding other likeminded fans online who were also watching games and liveblogging them was such a beautiful experience and I have amazing memories of 2015-2018ish when I was a very active football blog, spent a lot of the time in the Arsenal/FC Barcelona communities here and had some beautiful trips to Barca.

I do have a sideblog where I still dabble in that space but in truth I very rarely liveblog football anymore because nowadays it's returned to being something I watch with friends and family so I'm not on my phone during games.

Here's where the pens come in - sort of. I've scrolled back through my AO3 bookmarks and can see in 2015 I also got into sports RPF for the first time. There are some incredible football RPF fics out there (let me know if you'd like some recs!). Somehow - probably through raiding people's bookmarks - in early 2015 I ended up reading a Sid/Geno fic called And Never Been Kissed and I was absolutely hooked. At the time of reading this I had:

1. Never watched a game of hockey in my life (side note, I don't think I can understate how little hockey coverage there is in the UK. Even the most ardent sports fan would probably not be able to name a single NHL player or team. Not even Sid! Not even Gretzky!)

2. I had no idea, nor any desire to look up who these people actually were. It was just like reading really well written original fiction.

For the next 7 years I thoroughly enjoyed hockey RPF and created (in my mind) entire personalities and appearances for Sid and Geno, along with all the other 'characters I came across regularly in hockey fic. Sid, I got pretty close to the mark. Geno, not so much. One day I will try and find some reference pictures for what I thought they looked like because it’s quite hilarious. When I re-read fics I love from during that time I laugh because I remember my Sid and Geno and how different they were from reality.

So, hockey was sort of in my life from 2015 but exclusively in the form of fics. I would scroll through the actual hockey bits of works because I didn’t understand the rules and why every single fic was an AU where professional sports people were allowed to fight each other mid game.

At this point I’d left university, and because I no longer liveblogged football games, I found I really missed sports fandom. Another sport I grew up watching and loving was Formula 1 so when lockdown hit in March 2020 I started liveblogging F1 races to pass the time (and still do sometimes - now over on @vroomlive). I loved/still love F1blr, but it didn't quite fill my fandom itch because:

1. We joke about it, but F1 is a deeply unserious sport run by a dire organisation (Liberty Media). They change the rules every week and it's managed badly to the point of being comical. There have been a few major cock ups over the years (including the 2021 championship literally being taken away from the rightful winner and given to someone else. To put this in hockey terms: imagine a completely valid goal being overruled in the last 5 minutes of the Stanley Cup final and then the ref deciding to give the other team a 5 on 3 powerplay Just Because) all of this is quite disheartening for long term fans - and has resulted in quite a fractured and angsty fandom.

2. There are only about 20 F1 races a year - so it's just not a sport that's on regularly. I love sports, and I want to watch sports all the time - so a sport that only gave me content every third weekend or so just wasn't really enough for me.

At this point, when I was feeling rather sports fandom bankrupt, the wonderful work of Sid/Geno writers and the influence of the tumblr dashboard converged. I worked this out by scouring my AO3 bookmarks - in April 2021 I read a Sid/Geno fic called Game Plan that I fell head over heels for. I’m still not quite sure what about this fic grasped me so deeply but I started reading a lot more hockey RPF.

Around the same time an F1 blog I followed started posting about Mat Barzal All. The. Time. I had no interest in this man and did not know he was a hockey player but over the course of about a year I became vaguely exposed to hockey content on Tumblr through that blog, and at some point in early 2022, saw Sid on my dash for the first time. I don’t remember the exact post but I remember seeing the name, doing a double take and thinking oh Shit! That’s Sidney Crosby from fanfiction! I was flabbergasted because in my mind Sid was in his early 20s tops, so seeing this early thirties, bearded, fat bottomed man on my dash and realising that that was Sid was such a shock. 

My hockey lurker era lasted from mid 2022 to early 2023 and I spent a lot of time, um, lurking. That sounds so creepy. I suppose I had never thought about actively joining a fandom before because my fandom engagement (one direction > football > f1) had all happened really organically so actually choosing to join a space as an adult was quite an interesting process.

By summer of 2023 my husband’s job changed again meaning he works away from home most weeknights and suddenly my late nights were extremely free because I’d hang out with friends and then go home at 10/11 to an empty house which I hated. I really found myself wanting to make fandom friends and have an at home hobby I could do late at night before going to bed so taking on a sport that happened 12am-2am (timezones!) seemed like a good fit. 

Alongside this on a totally separate track was my longstanding interest in fandom - most of my professional work/research is pretty standard psychotherapy stuff but I’ve done a little bit of work over the last few years looking at sex therapy (not as sexy as it sounds) and I have a real interest in the role that fandom and especially shipping/fic plays in shaping and expressing sexuality. It’s a bit of a back burner research topic for now but I suppose over the years researching fic and expressions of sexuality via fandom and shipping has just made me fall in love with fandom itself a little bit.

Plus having lurked around the edges of hockeyblr for a while I was just like, yeah, I really want in on this, this seems like an awesome community. The reason why I chose the pens was pretty straightforward - I felt like I knew Sid and Geno and after exploring the real life hockey, I, like most of us, was quite struck by who Sid is as a person and was just completely enchanted. Another side note - hilariously, when my husband first saw a picture of Sid last year he immediately said “Oh, he looks like me!” - do with that information what you wish. 

I really eagerly awaited the start of the 2023 season and without sounding too soppy, had already fallen in love with you guys before I ever watched a live hockey game. Every fandom has its difficult corners (pensblr included!) but I can honestly say - especially after the chaos of spending my teenage years knee deep in 1D fandom and my early and mid twenties in various parts of sportsblr - being part of this space has been the most lovely, fun, friendly, lighthearted, positive and beautiful fandom experience I’ve ever had. I feel like it’s the goldilocks zone of all the previous fandoms I’ve been in and I love it.

So yeah! That is the extremely long winded answer to your question, anon. I hope this is the ‘lore drop’ you were looking for lol

TLDR: I stumbled my way through sportsblr until I accidentally ended up here and I’m never leaving.

[polyamorouspunk]

So I (24, nonbinary) have been casually seeing this guy (38) that I've know for quite some time; I lost my virginity to him and it was fun and easy and honestly things had been great.

And then I was a little bit too high and confessed that I love him and he was super sweet in the moment and just held me and told me he's not comfortable saying the same because he's not sure

That was a couple weeks ago, the last time I spent the weekend. A few days ago I asked if he wanted to hang out again soon, but he didn't respond until today. He had a lot going on and also had to put his thoughts in coherent order, which I can respect. But reading his texts this morning has fucked up my whole day.

He's been really gentle in trying to let me down easy, I know he's still fucked up over his last relationship, and he's got two kids (both under 16) to think about; not to mention that I know he's worried about the age gap (he mentioned that I have so many possibilities ahead of me and I wanted to throw my phone).

I've got issues so I'm taking it really hard. Like this is definitely something I expected and yet I'm still super hurt. I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking about this with, and I'm sorry for dumping it all on you but I saw your little sleepover post and I could honestly use a hug and some positive vibes right now.

Okay okay okay so I know you know this is a LOT to unpack.

Mkay so I am 24 also (hi) some form of not cis (hi) and do have a crush on someone a fair bit older than me (33, not 38 though).

I love the idea of being with older men. The last guy I was seeing was 2 years older than me so like 26 now. Loved it. Love when older guys are interested in me. He was also going through a divorce and his son had just been born. It was a lot. I liveblogged the whole thing on here.

Dating older men comes with issues like that. And I have bpd so as soon as I FP someone yeah I’m instantly in love with them.

Dating older men can be hard when they say things about your future and shit like that- and I GET it, like it IS good advice even if you don’t want to hear it. I mean, when WE were under 16 how many people gave US good advice we didn’t want to hear at the time.

It sucks when you fuck up a good thing you had by confessing that you’re in love with someone who is not mutually in love with you. It reeeeally fucking sucks. Because either you hold that inside of you and you push it down and push it down and push it down, or you finally release it, let it go, and it fucks everything up.

There is no reason for you not to be hurt/upset about it even if you did expect it. Grieve. Let yourself grieve. Come into my inbox and dump all of this on me. Let people around you help you heal. Let me send you some love. I am holding your hand. I am telling you to some degree I have been there. To some degree I am there. And I know it gets better. Some day you’ll be like me, and you’ll be driving to work, and you’ll put on a new Fall Out Boy album that just came out, and you’ll cry, and you’ll realize through all the bad things, through all the shit and the hurt, this is why you stayed alive. You lived to be 23 so that you can hear Fall Out Boy put out new music.

And then you’ll be 24 and you’ll meet someone and they’ll change your world. And you think about how amazing it is that someone like this touched your life in some way, and that you can touch yours back. And you’ll meet up with old friends and make new ones.

And we’re so young, we’re SO young. It’s fucking wild to imagine this year (or next year) we’ll be half way to 50. That’s batshit insane. But like oh my god. The healing process that I’m going through is beautiful. Sure, there is a lot of stress. I’m failing the last class I need to graduate. My job stress is through the roof. I’m chronically ill. But outside of that I truly am continuing to live my best life every day.

I don’t know if you plan to try and keep on seeing him casually or if this really is the end for you. Either way this is just a bump in the road. 38 is so young too. We’re going to be okay. It’s a bad day. It’s gonna be a bad week. It might even be a bad month. Hell it might even be a bad year. But goddamn it if they don’t mean it when they say it’s not a bad life. It’s supposed to be almost 70 later today. I’m going to go work outside in the sun. My heartbreaks can’t stop me from creating art that I love. I saw a butterfly yesterday. Life is beautiful. Love is beautiful. Emotions are messy. They are disgusting. I hate them. But they’re poetic too.

Hell maybe this is all some Kumbaya bullshit I’m spouting. Idk. But I believe it. I really do. It takes work to believe in this shit. But it feels so much better when you do. Probably why cults work so well. Anyway!

It’s amazing that you got a chance to be with someone who is 38! I hope you look back on it fondly in a few years. And if you don’t then you’ll look back on yourself with kind eyes and think that at least in that moment you were happy and felt like it was what was best for you.

[taylorkellyreporting]

i hope no one minds if i liveblog this bitch: the nice guys

NOT HIM CUTTING HIS WRIST DKFJGJS

“now tell me, are you willing to find God?” “i’m trying to find amelia.” 😭

“jack, i’m fucking your dad.” HELP MEEEE

THE WAY SHE JUST STARTS CUTTING HER FOOD EVEN AFTER HE THROWS HIS WATER ON HER IS SENDING ME SO BAD

oh shit, he forgot his brass knuckles

“fine! i’m done! put a fork in me…don’t really put a fork in me!” his fists jdjfjgsm

this movie’s hilarious

jackson beat his ass and stole his apple 😭

damn, all that yoohoo went to waste

HIS DAUGHTER IS DRIVING? 😭😭

“am i a bad person?” “yes.” “just drive.” please

NOOO NOT THE FISH

“JESUS CHRIST, ONE AT A TIME!” “you took the lords name in vain.” “no i didn’t, janet. i found it very useful, actually.” SCREAMING

the bowling ball skdjfjgjdk

holland is so damn stupid 😭

“i would’ve thought your job ended with breaking my fucking arm!” “well, you know, technically it did. i’m off the clock, this is a separate situation.” lmfaooo

“how much would charge to beat up my friend janet?” CTFU

“why don’t we invite him in?” “no animals in the house, sweetheart.” 😭

“dad, there’s like whores here and stuff.” “sweetheart, how many times have i told you? don’t say ‘and stuff’, say ‘dad, there are whores here.” father of the year

“you’re a detective who can’t smell?” “yeah.” “oh, this just keeps getting better and better.” “wow, that’s really insensitive.” dkfjgjsk

HE FELL OFF THE BALCONY JFJGKDKSK i knew it was coming and yet i STILL have tears in my eyes

WHAT THE FUCK

that shit was bonkers

hmm.. not sure i believe that this lady cares about her daughter

holly definitely knows that he killed that guy

“sorry mr. march, my sister kicked us out. she’s…having a guy over.” “your sister’s such a slut.” “yeah, i know.” I CAN’T BREATHE

amelia’s crazy but i think she’s telling the truth

holland is sooo fucking stupid

A GIANT BEE DKDJGJGJS

she did all that just to die in what is quite possibly the dumbest way ever…okay.

one thing about holland march, he’s gonna fall from something high

the last like…30 minutes were amazing (as was the entire movie but that last half. wow.)

[celebrimbor-apologist]

Rings of Power Liveblog 2x06

Spoilers you guys

I’m not ready you guys fucking hell

At least the promo picture is not Tyelpe losing it this time haha

Okay let’s go. Im scared. 

Hey at least we are still at rating 12 years hahahaha

Why do I always watch the recap I already know what happened but…

I just realised that Durin doesn’t even doubt Celebrimbor, just Annatar. And Tyelpe’s face. Oh my dearest silverfist I want to kidnap you from Eregion. PleASE. Gotta re-read that fanfic my friend wrote after this 

Hey Arondir is running that’s okay, for a second I was worried they made Elrond run EVEN MORE. I love Arondir in action. I love Arondir. I don’t care much about the southlands sadly but I do care Arondir. 

Oh. MAP. Wait. 

OH TOWER.

Monologue <3

Oh Tyelpe no. HOLY CRAP. WHAT. Ohohohoh 

OH FUCK FUCK NO. 

HE IS NEVER MEAN TO--

HE FORGOT HER NAME HE FORGOT MIRDANIA’S NAME IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY NONONONONONoo 

whatdoyoumean he can Shout stop it stop it

oh he remembers when HE comes in 

oh no i hate this i hate this please please stop. 

OH. NO. 

ANNATAR. NO. GO AWAY. 

“I am well” No you are not. The fucking ring theme coming in. 

Oh no. Oh NO. I just skipped back ten seconds and he- the shards and the mess is all gone. Annatar what have you done please please please

ANNATAR YOU FUCKING BASTARD DIE IN A HOLE TYELPE SAID NO SUCH THING 

And now Celebrimbor is alone in the forge and everyone else thinks it’s good. 

“and pray” BITCH. “pray that he finishes his work before it finishes him” I am unwell I am unwell I am unwell.

Oh Mirdania 

OH FUCK OFF SAURON LEAVE HER BE. 

Mirdania I love you. Run away. Take Tyelpe. 

Yes Annatar, gather your skirties and walk up the stairs 

Omg the smile. 

Ah, yes, Galadriel and Adae at dinner. Must be nice. 

Oh Adar you GET it. 

He promised you what. Adar. Uh. Yeah moving on-

OH THE CROWN

Morgoth’s Crown 

omg this dramatic bitch. He wears what could kill him, huh? 

omg Adar KNOWS it. Is he kneeling??? “the fate of that city now rests on your ability to put aside your pride” and he already has. He already put it aside. And kneels. Fuck 

Oh Sam Hazeldine you GENIUS 

NÚMENOR 

Pharazon die in a fckign ditch and take Sa-

ELENDIL ELENDIL NOOOO 

Fucking Kevin with his arm in a sling. 

“I do” 

“I do not” 

Oh Elendil i love you you insane- Oh I love him. 

Oh, Pharazon is pissed at his son huh 

Eärien listen girlie i didn’t much care for you and then I understood your grief and how alone you felt but you could really, really back out now. Please? 

Oh hi Stranger. 

TOM TO THE RESCUE

Oh hi Nori! Harfoots travel every month? 

Gundabale I love you. 

Oh Nori, still looking for that destiny 

Merimac and Poppy huh? That was a fast burn, but I am not mad about it. She’s been lonely enough. 

“I say we fight for it” Oh I love him 

TOM (yes, this will forever be my reaction) 

ASDFGHJKL Tom is like “Let him find his stick in that mess”

“you must choose” I am Unwell. 

Gandalf having to choose between his friend and his destiny? I…AnD TOM IS GONE HAHAHAHA

Khazad Dum Theme my lovely 

Wait, it sounds different, it sounds… less. 

Is that just what they do now? Make gold treasure? I see now why people say the Arkenstone was a silmaril. Mithril is the light of a silmaril, isn’t it? 

OH FUCK. 

ANNATAR FUCK OFF

Timber, huh? 

“precious” huh 

Annatar getting rejected and not liking it meanwhile Sideeye by Durin. I love it. This is a man who has never been told no. 

King Durin losing it to Greed. 

“You belong to it” Oh Durin you have such a good heart I can barely cope. HOLY SHIT 

Durin are you okay?? No I don’t think so. 

Disa the amount of love I have for you? 

Durin crying <3 Oh love. 

Oh sea trial here we go. Funky horns. 

Eärien hellooo girl you are teenage rebellion gone too far but I love you. I get both sides and they are both breaking my heart. she is getting manipulated left and right and- 

Míriel???? MÌRIEL??? 

MÌRIELLLLL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I MISSED YOU MY LOVE I MISSED YOU 

Eärien you are forgiven now get another dad hug. 

“What of my heart” OW

“What if it isn’t”. DOUBLE OW

“the sea is always right” 

Oh my heart. My heart is breaking apart to shatters. Oh my loves

DISA HI MY QUEEN

Narvi just try moving her if you want to lose, uh- 

SHE IS JUST SCREAMING AT THEM. 

OMG DISAAAAAAAA  

I AM CELEBRATING IN MY SEATTTTTT

“I LOVE YOU”

“Love me later.” 

THEMMMMMM 

Númenor is so beautiful

Oh the theme in the background. The theme. 

Omg they devised a plan huh??? 

Namarie. Namarie. They said Namarie. Bury me now. 

Oh I’m so not fine. He is crying. Nononono. I am sobbing please Ulmo, please-

Míriellllll

I am rooting for her 

QUEEN OF THE SEA 

QUEEN OF THE SEA 

Pharazon has Palantir+ Huh

Galadriel scheming I love you 

ELROND MENTION (I miss him) 

My ring huh 

“What then for the Uruk” yeah he SEES it. 

HOOOO BOY 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOYYYYYYYY 

Yeah, Adar is going to die. 

Galadriel tastes some of Elrond’s medicine now, huh? 

THE SIEGE BEGINS HUH 

And they all see it. 

Malendol is the commander’s name, huh? You are now officially adopted. There’s this elf named Vorohil who I’d like to introduce you to. 

And he just watches. Annatar just watches. 

Art therapy Celebrimbor <3

And he can’t leave the forge huh 

what 

YES GET HIS ASS TYELPE

when I tell you I screamed

AGAINST THE WALL 

The quote it is the quote the quote

nononono

Oh no. 

OH DEAR No

I can’t

So this is the scene

Ow ow ow ow ow 

Am I weeping? Well let me tell you I’m not revelling in this diner tonight

all is fine outside and this hurts 

I cannot forge more rings 

be at ease 

no do not be at ease. 

The ring song theme. 

I give up 

“precious” 

THE FUCKING HAMMER 

I KNEW IT WOULD BE THE SCENE BEST FEANOR NONONONONONONNNKKJNKJN GUDIjlwneköjbvühfbi

One last time. 

Oh I hate this I hate this I hate this please please please.

I knew it. And he is just walking around there. 

The siege begins. 

find me in the garden where I shall be buried because I am dead 

I screamed less than last episode I feel

Fuck I knew this was gonna happen but I love Eregion so much 

I miss Elrond. 

[duhragonball]

Super Dragon Ball Heroes 1-6

We’ve reached the final (planned) stop on the 2023 Dragon Ball Apocrypha Liveblog, and it’s the most apocryphal series of all, the Super Dragon Ball Heroes web anime!

Here’s the deal.  In 2010, Bandai Namco published a trading card arcade game called Dragon Ball Heroes.  Then in 2016 they updated it to improve the user experience, and renamed it Super Dragon Ball Heroes.   A manga adaptation of the game began in 2017, and then in 2018 Toei began this “original net animation” to promote the game. 

My engagement with the DBH franchise has been superficial at best.  Mostly, I just rock out to the theme songs when I find them on YouTube.  I’ve never played the games because I have no idea where and how to play them, and the gameplay doesn’t look all that compelling to me.  I think some of this stuff is only available in Japan?  I’ve never bothered to find out, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

And yet, I’m somewhat familiar with the story mode from the games, as they involve the Time Patrol, which I wanted to research for the fanfic I’m writing, part of which serves as a prose adaptation of Xenoverse 1.  I even wrote a guest appearance with several characters from DBH, and I might use them again down the line.  Also, the manga contains some backstory involving Towa and Demigra, who also appear in Xenoverse 1, and feature heavily in my fic.  So I’ve read some of the manga, and I watched some of the web anime, but mostly for the purpose of scraping them for useful lore. 

From what I can tell, the entire thing is a mess from a story perspective.  The game has been around for 13 years, so it’s clearly a success, but the manga feels completely removed from the story the game tries to tell, and the web anime seems to go off in a completely different direction from that.  At its core, Dragon Ball Heroes is mainly about answering the question “Wouldn’t it be cool if you teamed up with Super Saiyan 3 Vegito to fight Dark Demon Baby Majin Hatchiyack?”  The answer is obviously “hell yeah”, so I don’t understand why we need a manga and anime version to tell stories that don’t really touch on what makes the game fun. 

Mostly, I wanted to run through this web anime for the sake of completion.  The whole thing is up on YouTube, ripe for the viewing, but I keep losing track of which episodes I’ve already seen, and I can never remember what the hell happened.  So this is where we put the “log” in “liveblog”.

We’re starting today with the first six episodes, which make up the Prison Planet arc of the show.  That may sound like a lot of ground to cover, but these episodes are short, so we’re only talking about 40-45 minutes of footage.

The story begins with Goku and Vegeta training with Whis on Beerus’ planet.  Also, the Supreme Kai is here serving tea, and then Future Mai runs over, so she’s here too, apparently.  According to Shin, they came to Beerus’ planet so Trunks could train, but this scene make it look like Mai came here alone, which I’m pretty sure is impossible.  Maybe Whis or Shin brought her, except she was supposed to be with Trunks, so why is everyone just now finding out he didn’t make it?

To be clear, this is the Blue-haired Trunks and Future Mai from the Zamasu arc.  When we last saw them, Whis had arranged for them to take refuge in an alternate timeline where Zamasu hadn’t killed everyone yet.  It was also made clear that they would never return from that world, but SDBH just has them dropping in like it’s Sunday brunch.  Now, you might be asking “Didn’t you just say Xeno Trunks was a character in Heroes?  Why isn’t that version of Trunks in this show?”  And to that I say: Don’t worry, he’s in this too, just not as much.

Then this shady-looking dude named Fu shows up and tells everyone that Trunks is trapped on “The Prison Planet”.  Vegeta asks how he could possibly know that, and Fu explains that he’s a friend of Trunks and he investigated his disappearance.  I like how skeptical Vegeta is of this story.  “My son doesn’t have friends, get the fuck outta here.”

So Goku, Vegeta, and Mai travel to the Prison Planet, which is just a bunch of clip art of planets from our solar system clustered together and surrounded by cartoon chains.  It looks stupid as hell, like they told the art department “We need a prison planet design, and make it as literal as possible.”

There, the gang meets a second Goku, who can turn Super Saiyan 4. This is not the same Goku from Dragon Ball GT, and official sources refer to him as “Xeno Goku”.  He’s an agent of the Time Patrol, and when he encounters the other Goku, they get into a classic superhero misunderstanding and fight.  Then Fu shows up and it quickly becomes clear that he’s the one behind all of this.   Xeno Goku is on a mission to apprehend Fu, and Fu brags that he uses the Prison Planet to trap powerful warriors for his experiments.  Fu tricked Trunks into coming here, then used him as bait to lure Goku and Vegeta.  Xeno Goku pretended to get caught in order to infiltrate this place, but that suits Fu’s purposes, since he’s trapped here now. 

He tells them to find Trunks themselves, and says something about how they’ll have to gather the Dragon Balls on the Prison Planet.  Xeno Goku has one, but the other six are in the hands of the other prisoners.  This sounds like a pretty decent gauntlet for the good guys to go through, but this whole idea gets abandoned by Episode 2.

Meanwhile, Trunks wakes up in a cell with a prison uniform and some sort of tracking bracelet on his arm.   Then the wall opens up and he runs out into a city.  Then Cooler attacks him, seeking the Dragon Balls.  This seems like a pretty cool premise, more authentic to the “Prison Planet” title, but this is all dropped immediately.

From his lab, Fu watches everyone and seems extremely pleased with what’s going on, although he never explains why, or what his plan is.  Get used to this, because this is pretty much all he ever does.

Meanwhile, he’s got this other guy locked away.  His name is Cumber, the Masked Evil Saiyan, and he has a Dragon Ball too.  At the end of episode 1, Fu says it’s not quite time for him to get involved yet.  In Episode 2, Cumber breaks free and heads straight for the good guys to attack them.

Goku tries to punch Cumber, but Cumber has this weird power where if you touch his ki, it makes you go berserk.  That sounds pretty awesome, except it only happens to Goku here, just once, and then it never gets brought up again.  I notice I’m saying that a lot here. 

Also, berserk Goku’s skin is darker for some reason, which I like better, actually, except this is supposed to signify Cumber’s dark energy corrupting him or something, so that seems kind of problematic. 

Fortunately for Vegeta, Trunks and Cooler show up to help.  Yeah, Cooler’s on our side for this.  Apparently he and Trunks came to some sort of understanding between Episodes 1 and 2.  The prison clothes were pointless, since Mai brought along Trunks’ own clothing, so he changes out of them to join the fight. 

During his captiviy, Cooler heard from Fu about Golden Frieza, so he decides to try that for himself and succeeds immediately.  This is treated like some big game-changing moment, as if fans haven’t been photo-shopping Cooler since 2015.  Cooler than goes “I think I shall call this form.................... Golden Cooler!” like there was any possible other name he would have used.

Goku finally comes to his senses, but then Cumber breaks free of his restraints. Trunks goes in to distract him while Goku and Vegeta use Potara earrings which the Supreme Kai gave to Mai before they set off on this trip. 

So it’s Vegito Blue vs. Cumber, and things get so rough that Vegito has to do a Kai-o-ken on top of Blue.  Here’s a picture of Golden Cooler just standing there like an asshole watching. 

Vegito seems to gain the upper hand, but then Cumber reveals he knows the fake moon technique, and he turns into a giant ape.  I’m not sure why he’s this orange color, unless this is meant to be like Golden Oozaru tainted with evil ki or whatever.  The thing is, they keep calling Cumber an “Evil Saiyan”, but he hasn’t actually done anything that evil.  I mean, he choked out Trunks, but there’s plenty of regular Saiyans who would do the same thing if they could.  “Evil Saiyan” implies that he’s some kind of next-level evil, like hanging goat entrails over his altar to Moloch or something.

His first ki blast causes Vegito’s fusion to dissolve, but perhaps more importantly, Cumber’s fighting at such an intensity that it’s damaging the giant chains that seal the Prison Planet off from the rest of the universe.

Goku and Vegeta decide their only chance now is to cut off Cumber’s tail, and Trunks flies in to back them up.  Mai watches from the sidelines, and she’s got two more Potara earrings.  Wait, how many of these things did Shin give her, anyway?

At this point, Fu finally notices the cracks in the seal on the Prison Planet and goes to the battlefield to scold Cumber in person.  He takes out his sword and does some sort of technique to dispel the fake moon and reverse Cumber’s Oozaru transformation without cutting his tail. 

Fu withdraws, apparently satisfied that he’s brought the fight down to a more acceptable level.  This pretty much puts us back where we started, except Goku’s now using Super Saiyan God to fight Cumber, even though we just saw Cumber give Vegito a hard time at Super Saiyan Blue.  Cumber seems to recognize the God form somehow, but he never explains his reaction to it, and this never gets brought up again.

Despite Fu’s intervention, the chains break away completely.  You’d think this would upset Fu, and he is upset, but not because of this...

No, he’s upset because, while he was away, someone found his lab and wrecked it.  Now he can’t monitor the battle, which disrupts his experiment. 

Cumber wrecks Goku’s shit, which knocks him out for a while, but fortunately Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta show up to defend him. Seems that they were the ones who wrecked Fu’s lab, and I guess that explains where Xeno Vegeta was until this moment.  He was scouting out the lab, waiting for an opening. 

I don’t know why the other Vegeta isn’t getting involved in this fight.  I think he’s okay, but he just stands with Trunks and Mai watching the battle. I mean, Golden Cooler is doing the same thing, but I think we’ve already established that Golden Cooler is just an asshole.

Xeno Vegeta suggests that they fuse, since Cumber’s one tough bastard.  He hates fusion, but he’s willing to make an exception.  So for those of you keeping score, this is the second fusion in less than six episodes.

So now it’s Super Saiyan 4 Vegito vs. Cumber, who decides to bust out Super Saiyan 3.  You can tell because his eyebrows are gone.  This seems weird, because base Cumber was giving Vegito Blue a hard time, so the only conclusion I can make here is that SSJ4 is stronger than Blue, or Cumber’s transformations don’t mean much.

Vegito 4 seems to beat Cumber, but then Fu shows up again to confront the jerks who broke his lab. 

Then Cumber rejoins the battle, and Fu observes that the seal on the Prison Planet has been broken. And he seems... happy about this?  If this was what he wanted all along, why did he cancel Cumber’s Oozaru form?  He says that “they will revive soon”, and leaves.

I like how he uses his sword (swords?) to cut an X-shaped portal for himself.  That’s a nice touch. 

Xeno Goku wants to chase after Fu, but they have to rescue the others from Cumber, who’s fired a giant ki blast at them.  Regular Vegeta complains about Regular Goku just lying there passed out, when...

Goku suddenly wakes up and goes Ultra Instinct.  While he fights Cumber alone, the rest of them teleport back to Beerus’ planet.  Xeno Goku and Xeno Vegeta say their farewells and head off to continue the hunt for Fu, and I guess everyone just assumes that Regular Goku can save himself when he’s ready.

Just as Goku beats Cumber, another portal opens up, and out comes... Zamasu?  And he’s got a posse.  They grab Cumber and leave.

This leaves Goku alone on the Prison Planet as it explodes.  Nice callback to the destruction of Namek, except Goku can use Instant Transmission, so why isn’t he?

Back on Beerus’ planet, the Supreme Kai of Universe 6 suddenly shows up, and he breathlessly informs Vegeta and the rest about an invasion in his home universe.  Dammit, now I have to look up his name.  Fuwa.  The Supreme Kai of U6 is named Fuwa.  Glad we settled that.

Vegeta’s like “I’m a bad enough dude to save Universe 6.  Let’s rock.”

So yeah, this is a bunch of nonsense.  There is a plotline running through all of this, but Toei presented the first six episodes like it’s a single story arc, and it’s more like the first leg of a larger story arc.  There’s hints of something more ambitious here.  Trunks’ prison uniform and the Dragon Balls suggest that they might have been planning to spend more time in this setting, but instead the whole thing explodes in less time than it takes to get a pizza delivered. 

This probably goes without saying, but there’s too many characters in this thing.  We have two Gokus and two Vegetas, and both pairs fuse to make two Vegitos.  It’s fanservice, I get it, but it’s over before we can really get into it.  Golden Cooler literally doesn’t do anything.  I mean Mai doesn’t do much either, but that’s because she doesn’t have any powers.  I don’t know which one irritates me more. 

I like the idea of Cumber, but they never fleshed him out.  Fu keeps teasing details about the guy, but we never find out where he found Cumber or how he got him here, or why he wears that mask.  At least Cumber is still alive so he can return in future episodes and hopefully give us the scoop, but I’m not optimistic that we’ll get much.