#we cant see all the tiny things on the sidewalk

[alpacacare-archive]

its the little things

[onlyhoons]

Gyuvin with a gf shorter than him😞😞

i think most of us can agree that we are shorter than gyuvin LMAO, anon i went a lil overboard sorry!

he bullies you SO MUCHHHH! everytime he sees you struggling to reach something from a high shelf he snorts while he gets it for you. he even laughs when you run, he thinks you look to tiny when you run. sometimes he'll pick you up cuz he knows you cant touch the ground when he does 😭. and he has like more than 1000+ photos of you in the 0.5 thing. its all "call me when you grow 2 more inches" but he finds your height difference so cute! the way he wakes up to you ontop of him like a little teddy bear with both of your legs entangled. the way you hug him so tightly despite being so short. the way youre barely as tall as him when your on his lap. 100% plays with your face a lot and smothers it with kisses, especially when hes on top of you (like with yujin, minus the kisses?). is extra careful when it comes to you though, always double checking the ground your walking on, looking for anything you might hit, and definitely knows the sidewalk rule. he thinks your so small that if you get hurt even in the slightest you'll end up in the hospital! he just loves you so much no matter how tall you are<3<3

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent personal medical long post

So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)

The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.

I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.

I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.

And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)

It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)

But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.

Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!

The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.

And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.

Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.

[iridescentides]

Hi Dia! I just saw your tags on that embarrassment emotion post and sorry if this is strange to ask but could you tell me how you went about not being embarrassed anymore? Because I think I’m embarrassed in my life the majority of the time and I would love to not be, because you’re right it’s not useful, but I’m struggling to think of how to just stop being embarrassed haha. Anyways I think you’re great and so positive and I love all your posts!

hi friend! thanks for coming to me with this question!

its not at all a weird thing to ask, and embarrassment is something lots of people struggle with!

OVERCOMING EMBARRASSMENT: beginners’ tips

so personally for me, the embarrassment thing was part of a bigger process i went through when i was 15 where i worked heavily on developing confidence. i took a step back and looked at my life and realized that all the things i was afraid to do weren’t actually that bad, but i was so scared of looking stupid or being perceived badly that i didn’t try anything. i spent every day for the next 2 years actively pursuing things that made me uncomfortable (especially in social contexts) in an effort to grow and put myself first, and it was the single most important thing i have ever done in my life.

all of this to emphasize that: the best defense against embarrassment is confidence. if you truly value yourself, believe in yourself, support yourself, and forgive yourself for your faults, nothing can hurt you. if you lay the correct framework for confidence, you will become immune to embarrassment.

but!!! i know that’s easier said than done. you don’t just wake up suddenly as a confident person. loving yourself takes conscious, active work, and small steps. it has to be a goal you’re committed to every single day. when i was 15 i read a million self help articles and put into practice all the tiny things that they said. i googled every personal problem you could imagine (“how to feel better about your body,” “how to ask for what you want, etc”). it was uncomfortable at first, but extremely worth it.

(you specifically asked about embarrassment so in an effort to stay on track, we’ll move on from the general idea of confidence. (but if anyone wants like,, a masterpost of my best confidence tips, lmk!))

the number one quick suggestion i have for overcoming embarrassment: treat yourself like you treat other people. when we “other” ourselves, it clouds our judgement. we think the whole world is looking at us all at once, that everyone cares sooo much about what we’re doing, but that’s never true. in acknowledging that everyone on earth is literally the exact same as you (no better or worse), it becomes a lot easier to think about this rationally.

when someone else does something “embarrassing,” how long do you think about it after it happens? if some stranger spills their drink everywhere in public, do you go to bed that night still thinking about it? is it still on your mind the next day? the next week? probably not!

sometimes when our friends or family members do “embarrassing” things, we like to joke about it in the moment, and maybe we bring it up for a good laugh later. if your sibling peed the bed when they were 12, maybe that’s something you’ll bring up again at family gatherings later to jokingly tease them, but its not like its on your mind every second of every day. and it definitely didn’t impact how you see your sibling, or how much you care about them.

so if we can understand why we don’t pay much attention to other peoples embarrassing moments, why cant we apply that same logic to ourselves? if you find yourself feeling embarrassed about something that just happened, stop and ask yourself the following questions:

does this truly matter to the people who saw/heard me do it? (maybe)

will it still matter to them tomorrow, the next day, or the next week? (probably not)

if i saw/heard someone else do the same exact thing, how long afterwards would i still be thinking about it? (probably like 10 minutes max)

if i saw/heard someone else do the same exact thing, would that affect my overall opinion of them? (probably not)

deeply entrenched in the feeling of embarrassment is our fear of harming our own image. we think that other people will see us as weird or dumb because we stumbled over our words that one time, or got someone’s name wrong, or tripped over a crack on the sidewalk, when realistically, these are universal human experiences. once we externalize the personal issues we’re having, acknowledge that everyone in the world has done the same type of thing at some point, it becomes so much easier to forgive ourselves and move on from the moment. don’t be so hard on yourself for being human! that’s what everyone else is, too!

none of the “embarrassing” things you do ultimately affect your value as a person, to yourself or to anyone else. and if people are holding these things over your head or bringing them back up often enough to make you feel bad about them, then that is a reflection of their own insecurities. those people are dying to keep you preoccupied with your own embarrassing moments so that you don’t notice theirs. and those are the people you don’t need in your life!

the last thing i will say (and i touched on it in the tags of that post) is that logically, embarrassment serves no purpose whatsoever. every other emotion we have (happiness, sadness, anger, fear, etc) has some practical function in our lives. when we’re angry, we can express our dissatisfaction to others and cause changed behavior. when we’re afraid, we usually take extra steps to keep ourselves safe. when we express sadness, we let go of things that may be weighing us down. and when we’re happy, we make positive impacts on the world. but embarrassment??? she does nothing for us!

because embarrassment is such an internal experience, the only thing it does is slow us down. there’s no way to express embarrassment and achieve a better outcome. embarrassment, like regret, does nothing but keep us trapped in the moment we would like to forget, for much longer than we wanted to think about it. ultimately, it doesn’t change what has already happened. there is no way to go back in time and undo things! BUT you do have control over yourself and your reaction in the moment, so your energy is better spent trying to move forward productively from that event.

i really hope this helped!!! please know that i’m super passionate about (self help) subjects like this and i’m ALWAYS down to talk or give advice about it!!! my ask/DMs are always open!

[monchesi]

jim is back w another one...... same goes same goes fr this special liddol muse o mine here... like if u wld like to plot or simply msg me on discord (jimb#4863) n we will get it poppin (pinterest) also frgive me this is gna be more of a blurb type intro than anything i cnt focus atm bt im trying to get something out there in a timely manner

* amanda campana, nonbinary + she/they  |  you know monserrat marchesi, right? they’re twenty, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to underneath it all by no doubt like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole drunk walk home, low rise jeans, pounding headache that starts to feel good once you get used to it thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 11th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

mon has been alone fr as far back as she can remember (bt thts questionable now considering her memory has been gnawed down to the marrow by extensive and continuous use of ecstasy)

(tw abuse) wht she can briefly recollect is tht shes been on the streets since she was 16 n life before tht was desolate n sad. other than tht vague recap.... shes wiped her mind of being physically n verbally abused by her stepdad in a teeny tiny apartment in florida fr several yrs (since she was an infant) n all throughout it was never defended by her mom. in fact in her preteens her mom decided to jump in on it out of a warped jealousy she developed over the years in which she felt her husband was paying more attention to treating her daughter like garbage instead of her so she jst.... began including herself in the mistreatment mon was getting n basically verbally harassing her every day after school....... it worked in terms of forming a bond between her parents in a sick n worrying way bt was so so so crippling n horrible to mon

so wht really matters is whts in the present. dont even think abt learning much of her backstory because she cant recall any of her childhood except for those small granules tht lead to nowhere / provide no better understanding of who she is today n just send her spiraling since none of it makes any sense anymore. i think the one moment she will never b able to erase frm her mind however is when he (stepdad) smashed his cigarette into her mac n cheese n told her to eat it. she just sat and stared at it and cried

(tw homelessness) mon doesnt even remember running away. she mightve been dropped off fr all she knows.... cant pin any of her memories of going to school as a kid down even..... has kind of been an unidentifiable blip on the map since becoming homeless

tht being said... without a parent or guardian shes been fending fr herself n was a street rat fr such a long time. doesnt hav a drivers license or a ssn or even any form of ID. no credit card or debit card. knows her name n date of birth n buys flip phones frm the grocery store to keep in contact w people xx pays in all cash n coins xoxo

jump to now.... mon is technically homeless bt is content. lives on the beach n is more than happy with it. sometimes just sleeps on the sand bt has a trailer parked underneath a dock thts been getting threatened to be removed fr months now (she dsnt care). its decorated with all types of lights that shes found thrown out or at the thrift store n it glows so bright u can see the neon colors thru the boards of the dock above it. has lawn chairs in frnt of the door n a big cartoonish padlock on the door. she wears the key arnd her neck

(tw affair mention) personality wise shes vry naive n playful. part of this is the E bt a lot of it is wanting to feel like life is worth living even in the rough parts — shes found tht tht aspect of her can also be misconstrued as carefree n has gotten mingled with a handful (or three) of men tht take advantage of her untroubled nature to forget all of their responsibilities. at the moment she has an ongoing affair w a married man named hank who helps her stay on her feet by giving her money every month or two in an envelope with a big wax stamp on it. its nothing major bt it helps

(tw sexual content + drug use) mon kind of has a reputation bt i dont think shes aware of it. im sure a lot of locals bully her or pick on her fr it behind her back.... they kind of mistake her for a bit of a nymphomaniac bt she doesnt consider it tht way at all. things jst spun out of control the more n more she was using E (and other similar drugs) to get by n now being reliant on it she just gives in to urges n will sleep w just abt anyone. it turns out fine most of the time bt sometimes she just crashes on the way to their place n becomes this vacant girl tht doesnt speak or do much of anything. in one of these instances she n some dude were abt to hookup bt she crashed on the way to his apartment n he pulled ovr n pushed her out of the passengers seat onto the sidewalk. she jst laid there until the morning w her heels kicked off n scrapes all over her elbows n knees

so shes known fr many of these instances.... security guards finding her sprawled out on the asphalt of a parking lot or at the bottom of a staircase of a motel she doesnt know. its rly depressing

ANYWAY........ moving on from this sad sad sad stuff.... mon is notably a lovebug shes vry sweet n kind n she works shifts at fannies every two weeks or so / whenever ppl call out. she loves ppl she loves partying n dancing n she is fun. has no defined sexuality n questions gender a lot so considers herself nonbinary bt uses she/her/they/them. a bit odd and kind of unaware of wht is appropriate n what isnt (several instances of wearing bikinis n a pair of sneakers to shop for a loaf of bread n some lemonade) bt she means well

has a black kitten named shanks tht she litchrally considers her child. takes better care of him than she takes of herself n brings him places cradled in her arms like a baby

anywho..... i rly recommend checking out mons pinterest tht i linked up there i feel like mayb having visuals of the vibe will help piece together her personality xoxoxo

anyway..... give me ALL the plots ANY plot u cld ever want i will hand to u in a matter of seconds the writing will just manifest at my will..... i still have a lot of things to figure out with mon bt i love her n i hope u all will too

[fics-not-tragedies]

Memories to be made: Chapter 1

one - two - three

I was quite anxious to post it at first, because, compared to my other fics, this is a totally different thing, but @ladyreapermc, @toomanystoriessolittletime & @solariumss​ talked me into doing it nonetheless. Hopefully it will be something worth reading!

SUMMARY: Emelia sees a handsome man on a street outside a cafe where her best friend works and she decides to run after him. Words:  3861; Warnings: none;

Readers tag list:

@spookier-than-u; @sparrowsparrow; @oreofenyloetyloamina; @derangedcupcake; @geostarr; @catsmieow; @wickedlangdon; @bodhi-black; @bugalouie; @onebatch--twobatch; @fandom-lover-4; @mikaneonox; @drunkonyellow; @spadesandaces2342; @harrisongslimited; @a–1–1–3; @hhighkey; @lunilate; @i-cant-remember-my-old-login; @sgt-morgan; @coloursunlimited; @childrenofthegun; @weminiaturestrawberry; @silverlambcaptain; @scarletmoon83; @howtoruin-someones-perfect-day; @krazycags01; @charlottebonnie; @moonlit-raven-haven; @girl-at-the-verge; @boopdedoop; @jardani-jovonovich-bitch​;

The rain that was pouring all over London finally decided to stop, at least for a while, the sun desperately trying to shine through the heavy black clouds that swarmed the sky that not-so-long-ago was in an enchanting shade of pastel blue.

Everything felt better and much easier when the sky was just simply blue, with few fuzzy white clouds sliding through it here and there. They were almost identical to those small herds of sheep, unaffected by anything, bleating loudly, moving little by little and eating out the grass from the Cardiff’s cliffs.

The sky was the prettiest at nights, those ones spend alone or with someone you love, away from the city. Cloudless nights were the most impeccable moments when you could spend your time by gazing skyward. Their brightness was remarkable, making every constellation easy to see.

At times, when the night wasn't enough and the darkness was too consuming, it felt like all of those striking stellar phenomenons hide somewhere deep or every single one of them was sucked into a black hole leaving only the absorbing obscurity of the starless night.

Too early? Give Tea a Chance.

The slogan on the wide billboard right across the street caught her eye. She flinched in her sit closer to the window that was still covered in the droplets of rain, doing her best to focus on the advertisement and power-off her restless mind just for a moment.

There were two cups filled with tea and a teapot standing in the middle between them, the image printed on thin paper glued to the advertising board. The edge of it was peeling off slightly, flapping freely from side to side when wind blew in the right direction. She could imagine how the teapot, as well as the pair of cups, rips entirely from the board and flies away in an unknown direction, somewhere far from this gloomy city, to rise up the sales of tea elsewhere. Only though London was the perfect city to advertise a new brand of tea that was supposed to work as a coffee equivalent for those that cannot drink the stronger beverage.

Even not being a strong fan of tea she already wanted to buy the advertised brand and just simply drink it. She was curious if the tea was made from the tea leaves only or maybe it had those tiny pieces of dried fruit and edible flowers mixed in between them.

New brand of tea. Something fresh to occupy her mind.

At least for now.

When she’d be back home she would once again rummage through all of her stuff trying to search for the chunks of her mind she’s lost. She will look at those old Polaroid pictures still not remembering any single thing that was happening in the moment they were taken, nor any person that was posing on them with her.

“With your feet on the air and your head on the ground

You try this trick and spin, yeah

Your head will collapse, there is nothing in it

And you ask yourself?”

The subwoofer was placed somewhere around her seat and she could feel how the basses were thudding in her chest now, filling her whole body with a somehow pleasant feeling, she could swear was remarkably familiar.

“Where is my mind? Where is my mind?

Where is my mind? Where is my mind?

Way out, in the water see her swimmin'”

“This one exceptionally fits now, doesn't it?” reaching for her mug filled with icy coffee she turned towards the couple of her friends, who are eyeing her with concerned look on their faces.

“We were just saying that, Lia...” the red haired woman leans over the small coffee table, “A-are you okay?” she touches her hands, closing them around hers that are still gripping the mug, when she places it back on the marble surface of the table.

“Yes love, perfectly fine. My mind just got lost around this new tea” she points to the billboard, tapping on the glass with her short nail that’s painted in the shade called Russian Red.

It’s easy to recall, the name of the crimson varnish she has now on her every nail, the two coats neatly spread everywhere, without any missing spots or parts that are peeling off; yesterday she went to the beauty salon with the intent of making an usual choice, but this time, the name caught here eye and she opted for this classical color.

She never really had her nails painted red, but she knew that somehow she was a different person now and the change required a new varnish shade, the one she never used before.

They turn their heads to the side where her finger was placed against the cold glass, gazes following its direction.

Few things changed when she looked away for a moment; the wind stopped now, the peeled off edge of the advertisement wasn’t flying from side to side any more; and there was this man...

Standing too far from her to see his face, that was also covered with a pair of black sunglasses, he was simply standing by the fence, taking another drag from his cigarette. The white shirt he was wearing partially tucked into his pants, the black jacket probably miss-matched from a fancy suit.

There was something magnetizing about the way he casually ran his fingers through the fluff of his brown, near shoulder-length hair.

It didn’t seemed like he noticed her heart-shaped face pressed close to the window, eyes glued to his figure, breathing in his every movement. He looked like he just got out of some kind of business meeting, the black jacket of his suit comfortably unbuttoned now, squeezing the muscles of his arms, complimenting the whole look.

She was enchanted by him.

Since the accident she wasn’t really thinking about men, except for her dad and her close friend, that was now joking about something with her bestie. Still stuck on him, unable to look away now, move on and pay attention to anything else except for him, she was almost frozen in time, admiring the view of the smoking man.

Her hand wandered unconsciously to her neck, making her head tilt to the side, so she could have a better access to it, before she pressed her own fingers to it.

“Don’t scratch it!” she was scolded by her friend and even though she almost shouted, her loud voice interrupting everyone in the café, it this wasn't stopping her from sliding slim fingers back under the black turtleneck and rub them harshly against her scarred neck.

The weather was lovely, well except from the rain that was pouring down from the dark clouds from time to time, and she wore the knitted piece of clothing only with the purpose of covering her dreadful scars.

“Not scratching, just stroking them” her hand stopped moving and she just kept it pressed closely to her neck, feeling how the vein in it was pulsing, becoming more aware of her presence in the wicker chair and her face that was practically pressed against the wet window.

“Both means the same in your dictionary now” the blond man that was sitting silently next to the red haired woman finally spoke, standing up from the chair he was comfortably huddled in, “snap out of it babe” he walks over to the brunette and takes her hand out of the hem of her turtleneck, “ooooh... A GUY... he caught your eye, hasn't he?” She turns her head to look at her friend, giving him the death stare.

“Shouldn't you be working Jimmy? Bet your break already ended” she scans his apron dressed figure and raises her eyebrow, feeling how it begins to twitch slightly, the rapid movements of her body being unable to control sometimes.

Hoping that neither of them noticed the rapture motion happening on her face she quickly turned her head back to the window.

The fluffy guy was now gone from the spot where he had a quick smoke few minutes ago.

She outstretched her neck, pressing her forehead to the glass, only to catch a glimpse of his back dressed in the black suit jacket.

Tiny gasp left her mouth when she knew she wouldn't ever see him again.

Ever.

In her whole life time.

“Is it okay to run after a guy I haven’t met yet?” Her own question echoed in the café. The fiery haired female just rolled her eyes, while Jimmy walked to the door and opened them widely, the bell hung above them ringed, filling the place with its metallic tone, gesturing for her to just go for it.

“Emelia-Grace, if he caught your eye just grab your bag and run after him. He’s probably walking on the London Bridge now. Just fucking run babe!” She threw the bag onto her lap and waved her hands showing her to get up and go.

“You've got a point Macy, love you boooth!” Emelia shouted, putting the shoulder strap of her bag across her body and she immediately took a sharp right turn after running out of the café.

Her auburn locks were jumping around her face when she was sprinting through the sidewalk, bumping onto random pedestrians that were just passing by. Heartbeat raced up, breathing close to panting now, she kept stomping with her leather boots again and again, keeping a steady pace, trying to catch up with the guy she just saw.

Emelia noticed him at the beginning of the London Bridge, where he stopped for a moment to have another cigarette. Slowing down a bit, she tried to regain her breath, trying to calm her raced up pulse before even opening her mouth with the intent of speaking to him.

Sauntering closer she was able to notice all of his features and as he turned around, facing her now, and she couldn't help but smile. He somehow reminded her of a poet, that became fed up with his creativity and got out for a walk across London.

She approached him carefully, like he was a wild animal that needed to be tamed, smiling at him when he noticed her and took the glasses off his nose, hiding them inside the pocket of his jacket. His eyes were scanning her up and down, flicking between her face and the curves of her body, when she realized that corners of her mouth raised, she felt the courage kicking in, spring in her step making her move swiftly towards him.

“This might sound too upfront, but I noticed you while you were having a smoke right in front of the café one block away from here” she stopped there for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking again, “and you caught my eye. E-especially the hair, so soft and fluffy” gesturing closely to the side of his head she made him giggle a little.

He scrunched his nose, rubbing it with his fingers, looking away from her, but only for a moment, his eyes wandering back to her face almost immediately.

“Yeah, apparently there’s summat about it that catch girl’s attention” smiling at her, the upper row of his whitened teeth exposed in the wide grin that appeared on his face, she took one step closer to her and reached out with his hand offering her a handshake, “I’m Keanu, Keke, Ke, whatever you like to call me, really.”

Then, she hesitated, stopping her hand from moving, before she extended it fully and pressed it into the warmth of his palm. It felt awkward at first, until he hasn't moved even closer, lifting her hand up to his face and pecking its soft skin with his chapped lips.

“A true gentleman, what a surprise in this times...” a giggle left her mouth when Keanu bowed down again to press another kiss onto her hand, “Quite an unusual name, for a gentleman like you, Keanu… I’m Emelia, Em, Emmy or Lia, pick the one you fancy the most” after telling him her name she unexpectedly became silent, thinking if she got it right and didn't just made it all up along with the nicknames.

But her name was the first thing she noticed on the plastic bracelet that was wrapped around her wrist when she woke up in the hospital, the painkillers numbing everything and clouding her mind, even though somehow she still remembered her full name printed on the thin band she had carefully attached to her limb.

It wasn't just the creation of her mind which was still missing few major pieces. Her name was real and so is she now, standing in front of the most handsome guy she ever met.

On the other side of the sidewalk Keanu was taken aback by the softness of her distant gaze, revealing the fact that her thoughts were somewhere far from the spot on London Bridge where they were standing now. He still held her hand in his, caressing its top with his thumb, feeling the roughness of the scar she had inside her palm pressed against his skin. Parting his lips he almost spoke, asking her about it, but only a gasp left his mouth and he closed it shut.

Her curly hair was falling onto her shoulders, tangled under the strap of her bag. The sun decided to surprise them with peeking from behind one of the heavy clouds, highlighting all of the different bronze and gold hues she had hidden in her locks. The glance of her emerald eyes still stuck in a distant place, it seemed like she got lost somewhere along her memory lane and this tad bit of reality, with him right in front of her.

Emelia pouted her lips, blinked few times and her eyes focused back on Keanu’s gently freckled face.

“Glad to have you back on Earth” he rubbed her hand once again before finally letting go of it, “good memories or bad ones?” the huskiness of his voice was too pleasant for her ears, making her heart beat faster.

“The ones I can remember” only one side of her mouth raised, the crooked grimace she gave him forced, like she was angry at herself for not being able to remember everything she needed to keep locked safely in her mind.

“What?” His both eyebrows raised, eyes wide open, mouth agape, he slightly tilted his head like he didn’t really understood what he just said, blinking quickly few times and furrowing his brows.

“I-It’s too complicated...” she gasped, her hand shoot upwards and onto her neck, the urge to scratch the scarred skin too strong to simply avoid, it felt like her own body was making her do it unwillingly.

With the last bit of consciousness kicking in, she simply brushed the skin with her fingers, putting them under the turtleneck, like she was doing it in a way of flirting with him.

She wanted to avoid drawing any type of attention to her safely hidden neck, but mimicking flirting seemed more rational than just simply scratching roughly her already reddened skin, showing him that there’s something wrong with her unnatural behavior.

Noticing her gesture and how she moved her palm away from her body, squeezing her fingers with her other hand and rubbed them together; Keanu just smiled, partly to himself, partly to her and Emelia noticed the way his eyes were hooded now, not because of the sun that was shining too brightly now, blinding him, his sunglasses tucked inside his pocket and not on his face, but because he was focused on her, waiting for her another reaction, a barely noticeable rise of the corner of her mouth, twitch of her eyebrow or a head tilt mixed with usual puppy eyes.

He met many girls that had green eyes, but there was something diverse about hers.

They weren't just simply green. When he saw their color when she was slowly but surely approaching him they looked like the fields outside of L.A. in the spring. Juicy grass swinging from side to side, bent by the warm wind.

Now, when she was close to him, in the reach of his arms, something about them changed. Maybe it was the brightness of the sun reflecting in them that now made the green hues look similar to the shade of a potion, or rather a poison, the one a person can find in the lab of a mad scientist.

She swayed in the place where she was standing, lifting the heel of her boot off the pavement and then making it click while placing it back onto the concrete tile.

Smiling back at him widely she curled up the corners of her mouth so high, that the dimples in her cheeks decided to show.

“So cute...” Keanu breathed out, the words a mere whisper, but they reached her ears, making her face flush with a shade comparable to the one she had on her nails now. Her palms were all sweaty now, maybe because she was still pressing them tightly together or maybe rather of how fresh and new this situation was.

A drop of sweat left a trail on her back, sliding all the way down from the back of her neck. The turtleneck was a bad idea after all. It was too thick for this partly lovely weather, she had to buy few thinner ones, because she’s gonna boil herself in a minute.

“Sooo...” he started, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat, like he had a lot to say and really wanted to do it, but was stopping himself from spilling the tea.

She changed her position, standing now diagonally in front of him, shielding his face from the sun with her own figure, having a better look at his posture.

His arms were big, the difference of their size compared to his other body parts actually visible. Looked like he was doing some workout in his free time, the kind that was mostly involving his arms. Boxing maybe?

He was only a tad bit taller than she, but it wasn’t a problem, at least for her. She never fancied any guy that was incredibly tall and had a six pack. Neither she had any specific type, when it comes to men, but Keanu, on the other hand, was something... extraordinary; with the fluffy hair, doe eyes and his gloomy poet look he was an exquisite view.

She had to admit: she fancied him.

Keanu swallowed hard the lump that formed in his throat, intimidated by the intensity of her stare, unable to give his sentence a proper ending. Entangling his fingers in the fluff of his hair he scratched his scalp like the gesture was supposed to help him with coming up with the right words. Playing out a written script in his case was a lot easier than talking to girls.

Especially the ones he liked, because well... he had to admit: he fancied her.

Even though they barely knew one another, except for their names and faces, they both could have swear that there was something in the air, not simple another downpour, no; something that made them gravitate towards each other. The indescribable feeling of being close to somebody and the wanting of getting even closer.

Emelia’s mind was now occupied with him, a pleasant change for once. She felt the urge to hug him, wrap her arms around his neck, squeeze him tightly and smell the fumes of his cologne mixed with the smoke from the cigarettes, but it would be too random and awkward now.

Eyes glued to his face, not leaving it even for a second, noticed how his plump lips were parted, still, red from all of the many times he pressed them tightly together. The words he wanted do say out loud stuck in his throat, like there was anything clever to say in that moment.

They just kept staring deep into each other’s eyes, in silence, disturbed only by the birds chirping above their heads or by the passers by that were speaking on the phone too loudly.

Thoughts wandered off the right tracks and for the first time since the accident she thought about someone in a different way than just simply being his friend.

The fuzzy brown hair of his. What kind of shampoo was he using? And those strong arms. Flushed cheeks, the innocent smile he had on his reddened lips. He’s not the type of guy that breaks your heart, he’s too... soft for that. Yes, soft, the perfect word to describe him.

Soft.

Slowly he flicks his tongue across his lower lip before opening his mouth to speak again.

“Wanna go on a date” his gaze mellow, absolutely not trying to force any answer out of her, “with… me?” Keanu adds quickly, like the question was wrongly stated, not fully giving the hint that the date, in fact, would be with him and not with someone else, “Emelia?” He feels the urge to wave his hand in front of her face, she’s so lost in her thoughts she doesn't notice that he steps closer.

Then, the touch of his hands squeezing her arms gently makes her come back to Earth from the depths of her restless mind.

“Keanu” Emelia blurts out, stunned by his gesture, her heart pounding, face turned pale, hand ever sweatier than before. She actually wanted to take a step back, move away from him, move away from his body that was stuck too close to hers, but the browns of his doe eyes and the tenderness of his gaze stopped her from doing it, “d-date sound great!” Fishing out her phone from the pocket of her jeans she handed it to him, “J-just save me your number” and he did, removing hands from her arms, taking a step backwards, he stopped invading her private space and took the phone from her hand.

Few presses of its buttons later he gave it back to her, another wide smile on his face.

“Just... don’t forget to call me, please” Keanu added the last word, stressing out the fact that indeed he wanted to see her again, not only once, but again and again; he wanted it all to be something else. Not just a random meeting on the London Bridge.

He squeezed her arm saying goodbye without actually saying anything and moved slowly towards the bridge, turning around few times just to look at her again, like he was afraid he’d forget her face, smiling and waving his hand.

She just simply stood there, wiggling her own palm funnily, grinning like a high-schooler that just got asked about going to a prom with her long time crush. 

When he stopped turning around to glance at her again and again, and just kept walking straight ahead, Emelia looked down at her phone, curious to see how he saved his own number. The new contact was simply named as Keanu, but with a smiling emoji right next to it.

A smile.

Sincere gesture worth more than a thousand words.

[uno-reverse-fic]

Part 2 Chapter 3

You didn't wake up the next morning, in fact you never went to sleep. You tossed and turned all night lying wide awake in bed. When daylight finally poked it's way through the curtains, you turned over to check the clock. It was sill quite early, but Iida would probably be up by now so at least you'd have someone to talk to. You trudged downstairs and into the common area to find Iida, Yaoyorozu, Hagakure, and Shoji all up bright and early, despite the weekend.

"Ah Surō your awake! I'd expect nothing less from someone like you!" Iida praised, clearly not noticing that the bags under your eyes had grown darker throughout the night, almost as if they wanted to keep some of that inky black for themselves. Yaoyorozu on the other hand noticed your sluggish movements, and lack of sleep right away.

"Oh dear, did you sleep ok last night?" She voiced her concerns, and you didn't have the energy, or the heart, to be sarcastic, so you gave her a light shake of your head.

"I'll go make you some tea then! Maybe it'll help wake you up a bit!" She clasped her hands together and hurried off towards the kitchen with an energetic bounce in her step.

A few minutes later she came back, balancing a tray between her hands, with a few cups of tea and sugar. As the five of you conversed a few more of your classmates made their way to the common area. By late morning that same pair of crimson eyes was watching you from the shadows. You didn't pay any mind to it, in fact you hadn't even noticed Bakugo's watchful gaze. It was Sunday, so you'd have to go back to school tomorrow, that was something you were not looking forward too. Once again the day flew past and before you knew it, the afternoon had already come along.

"Hey Surō!" You heard Kirshima call from behind you, and you turned your head to face him.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go grab something to eat with Mina, Sero, Kaminari and myself?" He asked, you nodded weakly, still exhausted from the lack of sleep.

"Gimme a few minutes." You told him as you turned around to head back to your room.

"Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. Crocs? Check. Unhealthy amount of exhaustion? Check." You thought to yourself. Grabbing a bag for your phone and wallet, you headed back downstairs to join your friends.

If it hadn't been for Kirishima's positively infectious energy, you would've passed out on the sidewalk. You decided to get caffeinated tea with your meal, just to wake you up more, you really were struggling. While the five of you waited to place your orders, a conversation brewed. It started out quite normal, at least normal for a bunch of teenage dumbasses, but the topic soon diverged to you. You quickly dodged any questions they threw your way, but it was no use, they had set you up and cornered you.

"What's Bakugo's room look like!?" Mina whined,

"I mean as far as I could tell it was pretty average. I didn't get a good look, I was two inches tall for God's sake." You answered, but before you could catch your breath, Kaminari threw another question your way,

"What's it like being so short?!"

"BRO! DON'T BE RUDE!" Kirshima scolded, elbowing the Pikachu in the side.

"Whaaaaat? I wanna know!" He argued.

"Yea but you don't have to be so rude about it—"

"It sucks." You said firmly, cutting off whatever Kirshima was going to say next. You finally let your walls down, opening up to your friends about the past week. Only to rant though,

"I HATE it. I don't care how much someone pays me, I will never go through that again. That was 100 percent the worst week of my entire goddam life. I HATE being two inches tall, I HATE not having any say in what I want, I HATE people freaking kidnapping me, and most of all, I HATE that stupid asshole of a blonde. He is such a DICK I have never in all my life met someone who can get on my nerves more than that stupid asshole." You were gripping your glass of water so hard, you swear you heard a crack. Your friends stared at you in utter disbelief, in an instant you had gone from chill and tired, to angry and feral, and back again. The pure, raw, unbridled loathing in your voice had stunned the four of them at how fast it appeared.

"Wow you really do hate him don't you?" Mina said.

"OF COURSE I HATE HIM, HE PRACTICALLY STARVED ME TO DEATH! NOT TO MENTION HE WAS AN UTTER ASSHOLE TO ME THE ENTIRE TIME!" You screamed. Mina scooted a few inches away from you, and it did not go unnoticed, because you immediately calmed down again.

"Sorry, I really just HATE him ya know?" You sad to her, gritting your teeth at the mention of Bakugo.

"We understand, he is a bit of a jerk." Sero said, his arm draping nonchalantly over your shoulders. You gave him a small glare that said "A bit?!" but it quickly dropped back into the monotone expression you were wearing earlier. You sighed, giving up the rant for the time being, and as if on cue, the waitress walked over to take your orders. The rest of lunch went by with no more questions about your week, for fear of another outburst. You were too tired, and too occupied with your meal, to celebrate. The five of you walked back to the dorms together, conversing on the way there.

"I love the food there and all, but nothing can beat Lunch Rush's food. Ive seen the taste of heaven, and I cant go back." Sero commented.

"I'm in the same boat dude, I think we all are." Kaminari added. Mina stepped up next, hoping for a slight change of subject,

"Yea food is great and all, but I was wondering. Surō don't you usually eat a lot more at that place? You looked like you were holding back, whats up with that?" You gripped the plastic-coated styrofoam of your to-go box, and gave Mina a death glare,

"If you were listening earlier, then you would know that I was practically starved to death over the past week, you hollow skulled idiot." Mina went wide-eyed, clearly not expecting your insult or sarcastic tone.

"Well geez, you don't have to be so rude, I was just wondering." She said, avoiding eye contact with you. On the other side of you Kaminari nudged Sero, and leaned in the make a joke that definitely caught your ear,

"I think someone's attitude is rubbing off on Surō," he said.

"Do you have a death wish Pikachu?" You growled.

"Nononono! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" He screamed as you chased him down the sidewalk, tackling him the second he slowed down. You pinned him to the ground, and raised your fist in the air, ready to nail him in the face. You felt a pair of hands grab your wrist, and another pair wrapped around your other arm. You whipped around to see Kirishima and Mina prying you off Kaminari. You quickly stood up and ripped your arms away from them to regain your composure. Another death glare was shot in Kaminari's direction, and the five of you agreed not to say anything else on the matter. The rest of the walk back was silent.

You immediately went to your room to gather a few things, before heading to the bathroom to shower. You turned the water to a scalding hot temperature, hoping the steam it created would help clear your mind of unwanted thoughts. The attempt was entirely in vain however, once you stepped out of the girls bathroom you saw the one person that you'd been avoiding. Pale, blonde hair hung in his crimson eyes, which were locked onto you. For once you were the one giving the death glare, you immediately turned and walked the other way, without even so much as a nod in his direction. Storming off to your room, steam almost threatened to pour out of your ears. Meanwhile, Bakugo stared at you as you walked off, confusion littering his face.

"What's her deal?" He asked Kirshima.

"I dunno dude, but she hates your guts now so I'd stay away from her if I were you." He responded. Kaminari butted in next, a fake pouty expression was plastered to his face,

"She blew up in our faces when we mentioned it, she even attacked me!"

"Oh get over it." Mina said, smacking Kaminari playfully on the head.

"That doesn't really make sense. Just yesterday she was trying to pet my hair." Bakugo said, his confusion deepening.

"That was before you got back here right? Maybe she blames you for... ya know... her injuries?" Kirshima suggested. Bakugo's face went from confused to crest fallen, to his normal passive aggressive expression in a matter of seconds.

"She hates me because of what I did. Doesn't she." He thought, turning around and walking away. He he didn't want to cry, but the more he thought about it, the faster the tears welled up in his eyes. His walk turned into a sprint as he ran up to his dorm room. He shut and locked the door behind him, sliding down against it to the floor. The one person he could stand, the one person he trusted, the one person he'd opened up to. The one person he'd loved, he had pushed away. He' hurt you, he'd taken advantage of you, and you hated him for it. Tears streamed down his face,

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

"I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT HER!" He screamed. He ran a hand through his hair, and leaned his head back against the door.

"It— its all my fault." He took a deep breath. No thoughts ran through his head, no tears flowed down his cheeks. It was silent. All except for the faint sound of voices down in the common area. Something felt off, and the more he thought about what it was, the more it dawned on him. The problem wasn't the slightest hint of voices, rather the absence of yours. He missed you telling him everything would be ok. He missed the feeling of your tiny body in his hands. He missed the way you laughed. He missed your stubbornness. He missed you. Now he would never have the chance to just talk to you, because he'd pushed you away. Just like he had done all his life.

You on the other hand were blissful, at least when Bakugo wasn't on your mind. You were so happy to be back, and you couldn't wait for the routine of normal life to start back up again. You ate dinner—still holding off on eating too much—without a single thought of Bakugo, probably because he wasn't there. You didn't see him the rest of the night, but as far as you were concerned, he deserved to wallow in his own dread. When you finally headed up to bed, the tiredness started kicking in, and you thought you might be able to sleep tonight. You were wrong, oh you were so wrong. Once again you laid wide awake in bed all night. But this time there was no tossing or turning, and especially no longing for something else. Your insomnia was entirely from your own stupid decision of drinking caffeinated tea before bed.

Your lack of sleep dragged into the next day, and you were perfectly fine with that, until you realized you had to go to school. You got up early to go grab breakfast, and of course thats when the caffeine started to wear off. You ran into Iida on your way down, who was equally shocked at your exhausted appearance and your timely manner.

"Good morni—"

"Don't talk to me until I have caffeine running through my veins." You cut him off, not wanting to engage in conversation before your morning coffee. You grabbed yourself a bowl, some cereal and milk, before pouring the cereal first because you aren't a psychopath. You sipped your coffee and ate breakfast, as you did this Iida decided to come sit next to you for a bit of early morning conversation. You gladly conversed with him, more awake, now that you had some coffee.

After a pleasantly normal conversation with the class president, you headed upstairs to finish getting ready for school. You buttoned up your shirt and slid your blazer, skirt, and socks on. You gathered up the books scattered across your room and shoved them into your backpack. Slipping on your shoes, and adjusting your tie, you turned around to check the time on your alarm clock. You had about half and hour before school officially stared, so you figured you could just chill out in the common area. However your assumptions were wrong, because as soon as you turned the corner your eyes locked onto Bakugo's slumped figure on the couch. Immediately your good mood was ruined. You tried your best to appear calm as you walked towards the other side of the room, your muscles tense with rage. You didn't notice the way he glanced at you as you strode past him.

You had started to calm down by the time you reached the classroom, only for the fire of animosity to be lit once again when Bakugo walked past you. Thankfully your friends were there to help calm your nerves once again with their usual banter. Suddenly the door slid open, and Aizawa walked through, his yellow sleeping bag was tucked under his arm,

"Alright class listen up because I'm only gonna say this once," He said, and immediately everyone turned their heads in attentiveness.

"I'm more tired than usual because I didn't get much sleep last night. You all have a free for the next few hours, use your time wisely. Wake me up at lunch." He unzipped his sleeping bag and climbed in, falling unconscious in a matter of seconds. The classroom burst into noise. A few students gathered at the back of the room to study and finish any homework they forgot about. However most of your classmates were talking and showing each other memes. Of course you joined in with the majority of your friends and engaged in conversation.

The morning blew past, without a single second of productivity used. Soon the lunch bell rang and Iida went to wake up your teacher. The hall was filled with other students making their way to the cafeteria. You joined in the crowd, thankful that you could get around by yourself again. The food was just as delicious as it always was, and it had satisfied your hunger perfectly. Kirshima's voice rang next to you, causing you to glance up from your food and remember you weren't alone.

"So I was wondering if you guys would like to go out this Saturday. Maybe go to the mall, or see a movie," He asked.

"The mall sounds good to me!" Mina replied.

"Yea, I don't think there are any movies out that looked too interesting." Sero said, and Kaminari nodded in agreement.

"That sounds fun, maybe we can get a few more people to come and have a class-wide day out," You suggested.

"Oh yea that's perfect!" Kaminari exclaimed.

"Alrighty its settled then, I can text the group chat," Mina said, whipping out her phone, which was decked in pink accessories and keychains. You felt your own phone vibrate in your pocket, signifying that the group chat received the message. A few more vibrations came afterwards, probably from people responding to Mina's text. You didn't point them out, instead continued eating and talking.

You were excused from the afternoon training, via Recovery Girl's request. Throughout the afternoon you caught up on homework that you had missed while your were... absent. After what felt like forever, the rest of your classmates poured into the room, exhausted from training. A few minutes later the bell rang and all 21 of you made your way back to the dorms. The rest of the day flew by quickly, filled with the normal afternoon shenanigans.

For the third time this week you trekked to the bathroom for a shower, soon after, heading up to your room to sleep. This time you did fall asleep, but it was light, and you kept waking up at the smallest noises. Just as the day before you woke up exhausted. The day went by slowly, the normal, boring routine finally falling into place. But although the day was slow, by the time you fell asleep I felt like it had blurred past. Another restless night followed the previous, and once again you woke up, drained of all energy. The week was already half over, and you assumed the second half would go smoothly and quickly, just like it used to. How wrong you were. Wednesday was going to be long, you could tell just by the way your movements seemed to slow down when you walked downstairs. The majority of the day went by smoothly and just as slowly as you expected, and for the most part smoothly. At least until you got back to the dorms after school.

Kirshima dragged you to his dorm room, expressing something about a movie night with the rest of your friends.

"Movie night? It's the middle of the week dude." You said.

"Yea I know, but you looked like you needed some cheering up, and Kaminari wanted to watch Shrek." He answered.

"Now that's a reason I can get behind!" You exclaimed.

"They'll be here in a minute I just texted them," You settled down in a beanbag chair over by his TV, trying your best not to recall the last time you'd been in his room. Kirishima began backing towards the door slowly, and you didn't notice until it was too late.

"NOW!" He yelled, before yanking the door open and slamming it behind him, leaving you confused for the next moment. A noise came from the closet, and it opened, your head snapped towards it, eyes wide with fear. Your expression quickly changed to one of betrayal, as Bakugo stepped out of Kirshima's messy closet.

"BACK OF BITCH!" You screamed at him, running to the door to open it, only to find that it was locked. Sero had taped it shut from the outside and you heard a few other voices, presumably the rest of your friends.

"KIRISHIMA EIJIROU, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" You yelled, Bakugo stood behind you, a bored expression on his face.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You two have to make up before I let you out." He said, and you sighed knowing full-well that, when it came to his friends, his patients had no limits. You turned to Bakugo and growled,

"What do you want."

"I want to apologize. I was a complete asshole to you last week, and I'm..." He paused, trying to find the willpower to let his pride sink so he can mend something that had been shattered.

"I'm sorry." You stared at him, a blank expression plastered on your face.

"I hear your apology. However, I still hate you, and because of what you did," you gestured to the bruises littering your arms and legs,

"I can't forgive you."

"But, I helped you, I fed you, I looked after your helpless ass! I—"

"You also THREW ME INTO THE HALLWAY, AND LEFT ME TO DIE! AND YOU FED ME? MORE LIKE STARVED ME HALF TO DEATH!" He gritted his teeth, trying hard not to lash out at you. He'd caused you enough pain already, he drew in a deep breath before continuing,

"I know, and I will make it up to you somehow, I'm—" you cut him off again,

"Why the hell do you care about what I think?! As far as I know you don't give a damn about anyone else!"

"I— I can't answer that. I'm not sure why exactly, but—" he cut himself off and sighed. He knew exactly why he cared what you thought, he was in love, though he'd never admit it,

"I just want you to stop pretending to hate me. We both know it's fake, and I just want you to stop."

"LIKE HELL THIS IS FAKE! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME?! I CAN'T EVEN WALK DOWN THE HALLWAY WITHOUT GETTING WEIRD LOOKS!" You screamed, anger boiling inside your veins,

"I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME?! WELL GUESS WHAT, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DO! IN FACT, I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU! I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIE!" You threw his own words agains him, and it took every ounce of focus to not let himself overflow with anger, and heartache.

"Kirshima... open the door." He said through shaky breaths. You didn't notice, you didn't really care either.

"Are you sure bro?" He responded.

"Open. The. Door." He growled. You heard the sound of tape being peeled off the door frame, before the redhead opened the door and looked in cautiously. You shoved him out of the way and stormed off to your room, but not before giving them all a death glare and the middle finger.

You took a shower to try and blow off some steam, but it didn't quite work. You found yourself completely frustrated for the rest of the week, but you weren't completely mad at your friends. They only did it to help Bakugo apologize to you, even though the attempt was entirely in vain. You were exhausted by the time Friday came to a close, and with the week finally over you could look forward to the trip to the mall tomorrow. You closed your eyes and finally got a good night's rest for the first time in what felt like forever.

MASTERLIST

[foccaccia]

it never ceases to be hilarious when people around the world find out just what kind of weather we live in, up in my neck of the american midwest.

like, winters regularly hit -20 degrees fahrenheit (-28C), and thats not including windchill. of course, around here, where the winds are usually 7-15 mph (11-24 kph) on an average day and can go into 40 or even 50 mph (64-80 kph) on the worse days, you really fucking need to include windchill. with that, the 'real feel' some fun winter days can be -40 to -60 degrees fahrenheit(-40 - -51C), and often hover at -20F on the nice pretty days where walking across campus just means you probably need gloves and cant get away with just sticking your hands in your pockets.

snow? we average about 50 inches (1.3m) of snow per year, and once winter is in earnest a lot of that doesnt melt for a good long time. its always fun seeing some snowpiles, after the roads are plowed, as tall as two-story houses. i particularly love walking to the bus stop to get to class the day after a blizzard and struggling over the 7 foot (2.1m) snowbanks, because the roads are plowed but the sidewalks arent yet but they didnt cancel class, why would they??? its not blizzarding anymore.

its always fun to do the rounds of 'whos car is actually working in the cold right now because its the kind of cold where if youre not covered up you can get frostbite in a minute and no one should be leaving the apartment at all, but we really want pizza rolls and alcohol so its time to go to the corner store'.

theres so many little things we do and think about. how to keep the pipes from freezing. how do we layer up but like, not fuck up our hair, still look cute. keep the roofs and the apartment balconies from collapsing under the weight of snow. wool, salt, three layers of socks, and shoes with treads, the little shuffle you do across the ice because theres no actual sidewalk anymore. just ice as far as the eye can see. how to park, how to drop off the people on the passenger side a bit early because heres a good place to get out of the car, otherwise youre climbing into snow. rotating street parking for the snowplows. what to do when you hit black ice - because you will hit black ice, honey, youre never gonna see it coming.

and damn, but youve never seen anyone as happy as a bunch of midwesterners when it hits 30 degrees fahrenheit (-1C) in '''spring'''. its a genuine heat wave.

and honestly, as im typing this, i cannot imagine people who find any of this weird or unusual. i know most of the world lives in far warmer climates. but like... i cant imagine living somewhere where half an inch of snow means anything at all, where 40 degrees (4C) is considered genuinely cold and glasses dont fog up when you come inside. when i was a kid at my tiny shitty elementary school, we didnt have a playground, we had a parking lot, and winters were the best because if you brought snow pants and other necessary accoutrements you got to play on the huge fuckin snow pile during recess.

okay, you might say. okay, youre a fuckin polar bear, cool.

well yknow it also hits like, 90-100 degrees fahrenheit (32-37C) here in the summer too, right? maybe we're not as muggy as some of yall southerners, and our summers are w a y shorter, but it does get hot here too.

and dont even get me STARTED on tornado season. lime green skies and sirens, baby, and years of drills in school where kids huddle in lines of hundreds, crouched on knees against the wall with hands over their necks and heads. first wednesday of every month we hear that test siren go off.

like... this is all normal. apparently according to a lot of yall this is super weird, and its kind of hilarious seeing people flip out, but its... just life.

[dear-fellow-travelers]

“hey you meeting me at the old warehouse?”                                     “Idk. Might do it.. i’ll take the flight pad and makesure there’s not a single soul awake yet. bro needs me in like four hours.” “okay, meet me on the old war obsveratory. yaknow.. where we used to do band camp?”                  “Yeah lemme get some snacks then we can fragging chill til 02:30 then it’s school time. we both have things we gotta do.” “Bluh. school fraging suck. What a load of Melbellia Scrap!”                            “what if your carrier and sire saw this.. they’d grouund youuuuuu~ omw” After 40 klits she arrives.

    “hey..” One pipped up, seeing if she could say something and she stands there  with her friend Dev, “Wussup..?”  she sighed as she felt embarrassed. “Star.. come on. Can’t leave ya friend here standin’.. so.. did ya bring the things..? star..?” she started crying in pain as it wasn’t something she normally dose.. “I CANT TAKE THIS!” she yelled out. As she tucked her wings away.- Star’s face burns from her coolant as she was cold from the flight she took. From her wings she had folded they hum with a deep Burgundy. Trying to sneak out never works but this is an excuse!- She can be out before school even starts and it’s not even that far to walk but faster by flight.

“Starset! Hey...” he grabbed her by wrapping his arms around her as she sobbed they both fall onto the sidewalk one sobbing her optics out and he starts to warm his voice with a soft undertone of ‘It’ll be better just wait and see..’ after a while; It dies down and he wipes her tears with a somewhat mechanical motion. Ruffed her hair as her pointed ears witch and grow a soft but almost hidden deep blue. She blushed completely.

 “Hey- awestop.. I didn’t mean to make ya hide.” Dev chuckled at the last Syllable, only made her peek out at him and playfully punch his shoulder and  moved to sit near the ledge of the walkway. “I got some of the scrapheap of fuel you said we could split. Though, save some for when we have lunch. yaknow the sport drinks” She spoke with a smile.. or what she could have as one after bring a mess for ten klits. “Gym.” he corrected as he sat down and grabbed her offering of the beloved Gemcrunch Candy. She pulled out her palm tab and makes a quick capture of the view from here and shared with her buddy Dev, brother at school.. But she knows why..

“Hey.. school doesn't start for three hours why up early..?” he asked after taking a swig of the fruity drink that he popped with his sharp canines.”bro kinda makes me get up because.. he wants me not be late for the garden glasses. the survive. thrive. divide and concur. But, the school got flooded, and carrier needs us at her lab.. if ya wanna be out witness incase something happeneds then frag it all..”

This night on Novia was.. quiet.. it’s winter so the sun is gone for quite some time now.. the everlasting hues of the night sparked a fire within her; as she speaks with her friend.. it’s been a good while. Had a few bottle of Flora Popstop Slush and some snacks while at it.. it’s barely even time to go home since school was canceled by the massive flooding from the rains in that section of town. With this new found information.. they decide not to head to school but the lab later on.. “Starset..?” he spoke..”huh-huh..?” “what’s on your processor?” “Cybertron..” After a long awkward sense of silence.. 

  “Once there was an explosion that happened;” Starset spoke, looking out into the city, where a million different lives held together in threads of red silk. “What.. you mean the big explosion that happened at the start of time..? even before then this ‘Cybertron’ you speak of seems to be a myth..!” Her friend Devai spoke.. “And besides.. I’m unsure you’ll be able to leave here.. you’re not of age yet..” he remarked playing with the bottle with his anti grav ability. and he’s lifting his tail along with it, the static it makes  around him as he lets it drop into the overgrowth of the garden below.

“hey!- it’s not a myth! My sires’ there!” he chuckled. “Pff! ahahahaha!” she punched his arm pretty hard and he inhales sharply at his friends retort. “not funny! I heard something within my empra that he’s still alive and well! old, but well! it’s names’ prowl..” she said on a slightly lower octave. “why the Zimaa did you do that?!” “because you know that you laugh whenever I’m Serious! YOU THOUGHT I WAS A MECHA THIS ENTIRE TIME! until a couple Celestial cycles back..- But that’s besides the point!” her wings hummed a slight polish ruby shine to it. “okayokay fine, I’m Sorry buddy.” he knows it’s best not to touch her..

35 klits pass,  during that time talking about dreams and where they’d like to go and what they’d do if they pass, travel the world work on a better tomorrow. and delta Pings her and askes if she can come.  “hey I kinda.. need help in the science lab.. afew glitchmice started to eat the teachers’ test paspers and I can;t reach them... and.. they can teleport.”                              “what the.. let me guess they were chewing on it so bad they might have well purged it up?”

“yeah.. uh.. help please i don’t like them!”                                                     “Nawwww big baddywaddywulfy iz scared of mouseywousssyyyyyy”

“nO! THEY’RE BIG!” “not cool mech!” “Hello..??”  “you left me alone- frag you too!” “Well.. we have a littleadventure on our servos.. up for some rodent hunting?” she spoke as he was watching her type vigerously  into her holotab.  “yeah.. and not gunna lie.. he deadaft just said he’s afraid of them.” she laughed and packed her items and began to attach her weapon to her back hilt and begins to fly off with him in tow. tiny, but STRONG! This may be part of the cycle of the beings: Hatch, Live, and Fade like how flames are blown out by a single breath...then you are places under the sunlight and melt away and rust with the rain until you grow into a bed of empra flowers that bloom for one moon and then.. vanish.. but not without a stone inplace of you.

That’s just how their lives are.. someplace unheard of and yet... something is.. dreaming of a new place to lead..Somewhere that leads to something bigger, more Vast new places to explore!- just as this dream Burns.. like the light in her chest.. It burns.. “I promise i’ll find you sire.. even if it means me stealing a spaceship.. i’ll find you..!” she said a long time ago when she saw a image of her sire..in her carriers room.. she has kept it in a locket since.

[71tenseventeen]

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too)-8

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6, Pt 7

Warnings for sexual content, male pregnancy, non-hockey Sid. Sid and Taylor’s ages have been altered to fit the story.

Perpetual credit to my betas, @queen-alia and @icosahedonist as well as the GC and @ljummen.

They meet at a quiet pizza place at Sid’s suggestion.

As soon as Sid sees Geno on the sidewalk he realizes it was a mistake. He already has people stopping him and Sid can see the stress lines around his eyes as he glances up and back to the people around him.

Sid has no idea what the protocol is but he suspects it’s better if he stays out of all of that so he tips his head toward the door of the restaurant and ducks in, grabbing them a table in the corner of the dark, quiet dining room.

It takes another ten minutes before Geno finally ducks into the restaurant looking very harried but at least he’s alone. He immediately spots and heads for Sid, carefully avoiding eye contact with the handful of other patrons. He gets stopped anyhow and politely signs autographs and poses for pictures with a family of four before he finally makes it to the table looking more than a little stressed.

“Sorry, Sid. I was hoping since it Tuesday afternoon would maybe not be such a big problem.”

“No, I’m sorry. I should have known. Next time we’ll figure something else out, okay?”

Geno nods, looking very grateful.

“So…” they both start after an awkward moment and it breaks the tension. Sid gives a quiet laugh and Geno’s face softens.

Sid thinks maybe, finally, they can relax.

Of course that’s when a waiter arrives at their table and starts his welcome spiel before stopping completely and exclaiming, “Whoa! Geno! Hey man!”

“Hello,” Geno says cordially, but Sid can see the lines forming around his eyes again.

The waiter, “Braden,” he informs them as he shakes Geno’s hand and ignores Sid completely, is grinning ear to ear and turns long enough to call in the general direction of the kitchens. “Yo, Frank! You gotta get out here! We got Geno Malkin in the house!”

Sid sees Geno slump in defeat and sits quietly as he politely signs autographs and poses for pictures with what must be every staff member there… and a couple of construction workers who hadn’t bugged him when he came in. As far as get-togethers go, this is a disaster.

Geno finally asks Braden to please give them a minute with the menu and turns to Sid with a pinched expression, talking low and fast. “Sid, okay if we get food to go? I take us somewhere private to eat and talk. Don’t think this going to work.” He says it like he’s asking permission and Sid feels terrible.

“Yeah, of course.”

That’s all it takes for Geno to motion Braden back over.

It takes another twenty five minutes before they’re actually leaving the restaurant with bags of food and a pizza, Geno having left a generous tip.

He pulls his hat down over his eyes and seems to be trying to hunch in on himself even though there was no way someone that big is going to be able to hide. Sid follows quietly and they make it to Geno’s car with only a couple of people stopping him. As soon as Geno slides into the driver’s seat, he drops his head back and lets out a deep breath.

“Really sorry, Sid.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry for suggesting this place.”

“Not be sorry. Let’s just go eat. Hungry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Geno turns to him with furrowed brows. “You ok? Need to eat and drink now?”

“No, I can wait. I feel okay.”

Geno’s face relaxes a little then and he nods. “Okay.”

He takes them to the arena. It’s the last place Sid expected to find himself but it makes sense. When they go in, no one does anything more than give him a wave. Certainly no one seems concerned that he’s toting a bunch of takeout bags and has a stranger trailing along beside him.

And that’s how Sid finds himself eating pasta and pizza in the Penguins’ team kitchen.

It’s Sid’s turn to be jumpy, glancing nervously at the door every few seconds until Geno explains, “No practice here today. Not expect anyone around or I take us to private conference room.”

Sid breathes out in relief. “Okay.”

“So—” they both start again and Geno laughs.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as Sid feared.

Geno is enthusiastic about any mention of the baby and wants to know all about Sid’s appointments with the ‘baby doctor.’  He listens to every tiny detail—from the baby’s heart rate to Sid’s blood pressure—with rapt attention and asks what seems like a hundred questions.

Sid doesn’t mind. It’s nice to have a conversation about the pregnancy that isn’t revolving around what a crisis it is.

He likes how easy it is to talk once they’re relaxed, that Geno actually takes interest in his life. He isn’t just asking questions to have something to talk about—he genuinely listens to Sid’s answers and asks more questions, seeming to want to know everything he can.

He asks about Sid’s studies at the university and Sid spends several minutes talking about the courses he plans to take and his plan to teach someday. In turn, Sid asks him about hockey and they spend a good half an hour talking about the upcoming season. Geno seems pleasantly surprised at Sid’s interest and knowledge.

From there the conversation turns back to the pregnancy and Geno asks if Sid has talked to his family in the last couple of days. “For a few minutes last night. I told them I told you about the baby.”

Geno fiddles with the edge of his cup. “They know is me?”

“No. I didn’t tell them that much.”

“What they say when you tell them I know?”

Sid shrugs. “Not much. My parents are still hoping I’ll change my mind, I guess. But my sister is happy.”

“Glad you have her, at least. Hope your parents come around.”

“What, um, what about your parents? Did you, um, tell them about…?” Sid glances down at his midsection.

“I not tell them yet, no.”

“Oh. Right.” Sid’s not sure what he expected and he works hard to push back the pang that’s threatening to bubble up inside him

“Going to tell them, Sid.”

“You don’t have to.”

Geno frowns. “Not keep something like this secret from them. Is just hard, try to figure out how to say. Worry how they respond.”

“You think they’ll, ah, be upset?”

Geno sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he leans forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Maybe. Probably.” He takes a deep breath. “Mama, Papa very close to me but they not really know about my private life. Just not sure how they react when they find out, you know.”

“Find out about the baby or…?” Sid feels like it probably doesn’t need to be said.

Geno nods. “In Russia, be with guy very bad. Not safe.”

“Yeah,” Sid swallows hard. For the first time he’s thinking about consequences beyond the scope of Pittsburgh and the NHL and he’s suddenly grateful he’s from Canada.  

“Not something I need to tell them before but now…”

“Right. Now I’m pregnant and fucked that up for you.”

Geno looks up and grabs Sid’s wrist. “You not fuck anything up, Sid. Take two people make this happen. Was my choice, too and I’m not regret.”

“Well, I’ll understand if you decide not to tell anyone. I mean, I’d get it.”

“Not going to be that way. Just have to figure out best way. Maybe not be easy but I do because it’s important. Besides, better to tell now than someone here find out and they hear in press.”

Sid looks up, struck again by all the things weighing on Geno with this pregnancy.

“I guess we should probably be more careful around town, too. I mean, if it got out it would be bad.”

Geno sighs and runs a hand through his hair again. “Would be very bad. Here, maybe not as much but Russia… I probably can’t go back.”

“Oh god.  You can’t—” Sid shakes his head. Somewhere in his mind he knew it but hearing it like this brings it into stark contrast. “I can’t be the person responsible for that. I won’t tell anyone, Geno. I promise.”

“Not the kind of thing to keep secret forever. Eventually, baby born and grow. Seem impossible to keep thing like this secret.”

“We’ll do it, we’ll find a way.”

Geno shakes his head. “You really want that? Not so sure I do.”

Sid’s heart sinks. “What do you mean?”

“Even if we could keep total secret, what kind of life that be for our baby? What kind of life that be for us? Maybe not ideal and maybe some hard consequences but still a baby, still going to be child for us to raise. Our baby, Sid.”  To Sid’s surprise, Geno smiles and it fills him warmth.

“Only know for two days and already think about baby growing up. Want to teach him to skate and play hockey, want to take him to family skate and bring him to games.”

Sid realizes he’s smiling too. “Him?”

Geno’s grin brightens. “Have a feeling.”

“What if it’s a girl?”

“Not matter. Do all same thing. All that matter is she our baby, our family.” Geno’s smile stretches across his face. “We gonna get to love our little baby and watch him grow up. Maybe hard, little bit scary now but gonna be worth it, you know?”

And Sid suddenly has to blink back tears because in all the time he’s known about the pregnancy, he’d never felt like he could talk about his future with his baby, that he could look forward to it. It had hurt that everyone saw this as a burden, nothing but a crisis to manage. But now Geno is saying things out loud that Sid has barely felt allowed to even think privately.

“Yeah.” Sid has to swallow. “I do,” he breathes and he means it.  

“Wouldn’t trade for anything now that I know, Sid. Don’t care what happen.”

“But what about the team? The NHL, Russia?”

Geno meets his gaze. “We figure it out. Not want you worry about it, okay? Just focus on take care of you and take care of baby. Most important.”

Sid sighs. “I’ll try. I, um, I have a doctor’s appointment in a couple of days.”

Geno’s face lights up and Sid’s glad he told him. “When? Maybe I find way to go?”

“Friday at three.”

Geno frowns. “Have meeting.”

“Oh. Well, I…”

“I’m sorry.”

Sid takes a deep breath and forces himself to look at Geno. “You don’t have to apologize. I know you have responsibilities. Honestly, the fact that you care at all means a lot. So, don’t worry, okay?”

Geno nods, looking a little miserable. “You call me, tell how it goes?”

“For sure.”

“Maybe we get together after?”

Sid smiles because this is just all so much more and so much better than he ever expected. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Geno drives Sid back to where he’d parked earlier. It’s still crowded and Sid knows they can’t linger with Geno idling in a no parking zone so he pulls the envelope out of his pocket and pushes it into Geno’s hands before he gets out of the car.

“What this?”

“It’s not all of it, not even close but it’s part of what I owe you.”

Geno frowns. “Sid…”

“Not negotiable. See you Friday.” He closes the door before Geno can reply

Part 9

[strawberryspeachy]

Japan I have questions

Part 1

Why when you have so much really good food. Do you choose to eat the gross stuff on a daily basis?

Why do you make such advanced equipment and technology, but choose to fucking sweep sidewalks ans pull grass by hand??

Why do you turn off your cars when you stop them?!?!?

Why do you let children serve food to you.... with their dirty dirty hands?

Why do you even have face masks when i never see yall use them for when your hacking up a lung on the train??

Why dont you ever end a fucking meeting?? And why are there so many for ONE DAMN MEETING (the we arrrived meeting, the lets go to the room meeting, the were about to have a meeting meeting, the actual meeting, the weve ended the meeting meeting, the weve walked out the door meeting, the were almost at the exit meeting, the were about to put our shoes on so lets all dick wave again meeting, the weve exited the bulding meeting, the random tiny meeting in the parking lot cause how dare you think we said all the information meeting) WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?!?

K and on the shoe thing. You dont even do it for cleanliness... i thought thats what it was for. It made sense. But noooooo whyyyyy do you have outside shoes and indoor shoes that are the exact same. And you put the indoor ones in the same dirty places the outdoor ones go and bring the outdoor ones inside and put them on the floor. You dont use tatami anymore, if its not to keep shit clean WHY DO YOU DO IT??

Why do you still use fax machines?!?! And why do you print everything out??? You have some of the fastest internet in the world and you all use it so whyyyy

Why do your cafeteria ppl whear bandans? Thats not stopping their bang hairs from falling in the food so why even wear one?

And why are your trains soo fucking confusing and badly timed in the country (k thats not a big one cause at least you have them in the country but i live in the country and my train leaving 2 minutes before the schedual said it was arriving fucked me over quite a number of times)

AND WHY DO YOU MAKE THROWING AWAY TRASH NEAR IMPOSSIBLE?!?! there are NO TRASHCANS IN TOKYO. and i thought living here would be easier BUT NO!! I HAVE TO SEPERATE EACH FUCKING THING OUT AND WAIT DAYSSSS TO THROW IT AWAY ... i cant even throw away bottles at my house i haveto go to FUCKING 711 and just FUCK ME IF I DECIDE I DONT WANT TO EAT SOMETHING. cause if i dont find SOME WAY to deal with it - ill get roaches. So every day week is a fucking treasure hunt of ‘where the fuck can i throw away my tiny bag of trash’ and i tell ya in my two months here. Ive only found one trashcan that makes it possible for me to not attackt roaches (i havent and I DONT PLAN ON DOING SO) is saw one sitting outside my apartment building and it was horrifying not because them but because fuck. One of my neighbors has attracted them and if even ONE RICE falls. Im fucked.... and T_T why does rice fall so easily...

[abinghospital]

Suddenly

I have never been one for romance.

You see, I dont think about the chance of finding someone to spend my life with.

I always thought it was stupid.

Giving yourself up and calling it love? Sharing somebody else’s pain when you are not even sane to battle your own. Don’t you know you can spend your life alone and be equally as complete?

I believe we aren’t puzzles and pieces or ghosts that would meet because destiny said so.

My heart stays in my chest.

I think its always best to keep it where its safe than sorry.

Forget lonely, think settled or secure and less insecure about your body. Looking at your hands thinking why are they so tiny to fill the gaps between his.

I dont understand how you could miss someone so bad you transform into bits of violent sobs.

Or think a kiss holds something more than just a promise.

Honestly, I would rather sleep.

But we met.

Your hair was wet and jet black and suddenly I felt myself sumbit to this kind of heart attack I have never felt before.

Unsure of this sudden urge to drop everything and soar with the fire building in my gut.

And my heart wont stop beating.

I was a car with no destination, high in the sensation, not caring where this highway would take me.

It was dumb crazy, wild insanity- yet somehow everything seems clear in the rear-view mirror,

the things I was willing to leave knowing you’re in the passenger seat.

I admit, I was scared. I lost my sense of thinking. Unaware that my ship was slowly sinking in your ocean eyes.

And suddenly I can memorize, the intervals between your breathing.

The meaning of each tattoo, the reason behind every scar.

Your body became my altar

You, a religion I'd kneel down to worship.

We dived deep into a sea we know nothing about. Embarked on a trip.

You gripped my hips for support when you explored the dark holes of the galaxies you saw in me.

You made me feel celestial, said there were constellation in the linings of my palms.

I found calm inside your mouth, in the chaos of our tongues twisting like our lungs can hold out breaths for more than ten minutes. Like our throats sang answers. Our kisses became love letters, our bodies stationary cards. And everyday, we wrote to each other. then made wishes on passing cars.

Its hard to let this go but I never thought I had to. You always tasted the same, certainty and mint candy and “Please stay forever in my arms.” I was willing to.

But you left.

My eyes were wet and the skies were black. And suddenly I cant take back every piece of me you took.

My smile, my laugh, my dreams. Our book. The one we wrote after our own love story. Now abandoned in a box, somewhere collecting dust. My trust.

The vows we made under the blankets, the sunset was our only witness.

“I love you and I vow to love you more when its easy. And most when its tough. You are enough to build a home with. I vow to always stay by your side, to hide all the sharp objects. To protect this kingdom we created. I vow to always cherish life's greatest."

So how did this happen? When did we began hating each other so much to burn the bridges we turned into sidewalks where we learned how to dance with only the sound of our own heartbeats?

I wish we never met and I am certain Im someone you deeply regret. Because now we're banging both our heads on walls.

And I am trying to forget, the days I spent familiarizing your scent just in case I lose you. And I did.

But instead, we rid ourselves of each others memories. Turned everything into tragedies of phone calls unanswered and unheard apologies.

This is my third bottle of whiskey but I can still see you in my mind, clear as the day you walked away from my life like leaving me behind was a conscious decision you never second-guessed.

It was best to keep my heart inside my chest. I knew this. So why did I let you break down my defenses?

[jadewritings]

You're More Than That Part 7

Author's Note: We are halfway through this series 😭😭😭

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Word count: 1 , 070

Warnings: Language, Scary mob sister!Meg, angst ish, fluff

Summary: An ex of yours drives you away. But, in doing so, you’ve stumbled upon something much more dangerous. You must decide whether to be on the streets and on the run or with the most dangerous of them all.

After the kiss, you guys ate the dinner the chef brought out himself, which was delicious, and then left. You walked on the sidewalk, quiet, not really knowing what to say. Your heart was pounding and you were kind of scared of what you were beginning to feel. Even if you were to accept it, Sam would have to feel the same way but that's not possible. If he did, well, he's the goddamn leader of a mafia! You didn't know how to handle it.

Suddenly, you were stopped by Sam, arm over your chest, stopping you from walking further. In front of you stood the infamous Meg and her goons. They should make a movie with that title, you thought to yourself.

"Hiya Sammy, I get the feeling you were trying to make me jealous in there. Don't tell me that feelings true?"

Sam moved you behind him, being protective, "Nah, I was just taking Y/N here for a nice night out on the town here."

That wasn't exactly a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either. It sparked a little jealousy in you.

Meg looked at you like she wanted to put a bullet through your brain right then and there but she didnt. Instead, she only asked a question.

"So, Y/N, what are you, just mooching off of him for his money? Or is it because you want to sleep with him? Huh? You want to be a slut to the whole world?" She pushed and pushed until finally, you'd had enough.

"Maybe if you would get off your high horse and not act like a stupid bitch then maybe you would be able to see that we were just having dinner!"

"Y/N." Sam warned in a authoritive tone.

"No, no. Let her keep going Sam. The more she talks the easier it'll be to fill her body up with bullets!" Meg seethed and her men took a step forward.

Sam pulled you behind him, and stood protectively.

"Shut up, Meg. We have a peace treaty. You cant put a finger on her." He said throught gritted teeth.

You couldn't see his face but as you put your hands gently to his back, you felt the tenseness and knew he was about to explode.

"So any one of you put one fucking finger on her and I will personally see to it that you are ripped to shreds, from the inside out!"

Meg only smiled, "We'll see about that my dear Sammy." And with that, she turned around, jerking her head to the side telling her goons to go with her. They left but even a few seconds after they were out of sight, Sam still had his arms behind him, keeping you encaged in order to keep you from harm.

You appreciated the gesture, but you were a big girl, so you stepped away. Placing a hand to his shoulder. Sam finally sighed, his breath a bit rigid from the tense situation.

"Thank you." You whispered.

Sam turned to you. He looked angry.

"Do you know how dangerous it is to act like that towards her?! We are on the edge of a war and one tiny little thing could set them off! Next time, watch what you say, Y/N."

You scoffed, "Oh, what, now I'm supposed to just sit there while she degrades me? Yeah, not happening. Thought you knew me better than that by now."

You shook your head side to side and began walking away from him quickly. He got angrier and took the three long strides to get to you, grabbing your arm roughly. You yelped and only registered the slap of skin against skin after you had done it. You'd smacked Sam.

He stood there, looking to the side from the force of the slap. You gasped, bringing your hand to your mouth, "Sam.. I'm so sorr-"

"I'm gonna call a car. We need to tell Dean and John about Meg." He turned and started walking, saying nothing else about the matter.

"Sam! Wait..." you felt bad immediately. You hadn't meant to, it was a reaction from the pain. After Daniel, anyone who tried to get rough with you was met with a fist or kick to the nuts.

Nonetheless, you walked after him, staying a few feet behind him as you both waited for the car. The ride was silent and after a few moments, you couldn't stand it.

"Sam, look, I really didn't mean-"

"It's okay, Y/N. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that. It's my fault, I put you on Meg's radar anyway."

You stared at the side of his face in shock, "So.. you're not mad at me?"

"Nah. I know when to take the fall. I won't do that to you again, okay?" Finally, he looked at you.

You smiled, "Okay."

Before you realized it, you were home and exiting the car. Sam thanked the driver and he drove off. Sam grabbed your hand and pulled you to a gate. He pointed to the top right of it, "There's always a camera there."

You looked to where he was pointing and nodded, noticing that it moved to look at you both, "Is someone watching us?"

"Someone's always watching. Monitoring the cameras." He released your hand and turned to you.

"Ah. So what does that mean?"

"It means I can't do what I've been wanting to do after the first time. Kiss you."

You blushed, "Well, maybe I should say hi." You don't know why but you felt confident and risky and so, you decided to do something you would have never done had you stayed with Daniel.

You pulled down the cloth that covered your breasts and flashed the camera. You felt Sam checking you out and smiled.

"Alright, alright. Can't have my guys getting distracted." You set your dress back in place, satisfied with yourself. If Sam didn't make a move soon, you were gonna have to do something to get him alone.

The gate opened and he was about to walk in, but instead, he kissed you gently on the check. It warms your face and your skin is heated where he kissed it.

"Thank you for the beautiful music tonight." He smiled. For once in a very long time, you felt at peace. You felt more for the man standing in front of you than you ever felt about anyone, especially Daniel.

•Part 8•

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[everythingshawnmendes]

Halloween with Shawn Through the Years (Shawn Mendes x Reader)

talk about last minute halloween fics lmao

4 years old

“SHAWN BABY DON’T RUN YOU’RE GONNA TRIP!”

Two toddlers were running to the next house brightly lit by orange pumpkins. Shawn was dressed up as a fluffy tiger, with a big orange and black striped hood that almost covered his entire head. Y/N was a princess Ariel, with a shirt with purple seashells on them and a green skirt with scales on. The ran beside each other in excitement. Never before in their life had they only had to knock on a door to get free candy! They have also never owned so many treats in their lives. Their mothers scurried behind them, knowing what they got themselves into when they agreed to let Shawn and Y/N trick-or-treat together.

“Trick or treat!” The pair yelled as the owner of the house chuckled at these two little adorable toddlers.

“I got a lady bug shaped chocolate.” Shawn frowned at the sweet he just received as the two walked down the front porch of that house and onto the next.

“It’s okee Shawn, have my caramel.” Y/N grabbed his chocolate and placed her own in his orange bag.

Despite being only four years old, they knew each other extremely well and looked after each other like brother and sister.

They walked onto the next house and Y/N recoiled in fear.

“Mommy I-I’m scared! I don’t wanna go in that one!”

“It’s okay Y/N the skeletons aren’t real. They’re just made out of uh what’s the word pastic (A/N: 4 year old Shawn’s way of saying plastic).”

Y/N was on the verge of a tantrum.

“I don’t want to go.” Tears raising to the little girl’s eyes.

“Come I promise you I will protect you!” Shawn took her hand.

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

The pair clutched onto each other as they looked straight ahead, trying not to look at the slightly creepier and more life-like decorations.

10 years old

“Hermione is way better.”

“No Harry is.”

“If it weren’t for Hermione, you’d be dead by the first book.” Y/N poked Shawn’s red and gold tie. “Also, you put the scar on the wrong side.”

“Well Hermione doesn’t actually wear glasses so I don’t know why you have some on.”

“They’re yours, stupid.” Y/N took off the round spectacles and put them back on Shawn’s face.

“Alright my favourite Hogwarts students, go before the Dementors arrive.” Y/N’s mom ushered the two out the door.

“And remember only five streets! And if you get lost go ring a doorbell and ask to use the phone!” Karen yelled after them.

“We got this mom!” Shawn brushed her off.

“Those two make quite the pair, don’t they?” Y/N’s mom smiled watching them race on the sidewalk.

“Yes they do. They certainly like annoying each other, that’s for sure.”

“Well, you know what they say. Sometimes when kids like each other that’s how they show affection.”

15 years old

“Y/N I don’t like horror movies!”

“Stop being a pussy, this one is like the least scary one on Netflix.”

Shawn huffed and plopped on the couch beside Y/N.

“I’ll get it!” He got up when he heard the doorbell to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. “Hey go easy on the caramels will ya, save some for me.” He whispered in Y/N’s ear.

The pair decided to abandon the movie, because honestly Shawn wasn’t going to sit through it anyway. They merely sat on Y/N’s front porch and handed out candy while conversing.

“What do you wanna do later on?” Shawn asked.

“Not too sure. Would like to get into the science field. You?”

“Kay don’t laugh. Like seriously, cause it’s really stupid and practically impossible. But like maybe become a singer?”

“Shawn. I’ve known you all my life. This definitely is far from the stupidest thing you’ve said.” Y/N laughed, Shawn joining.

“So you don’t think it’s stupid?”

“Nah. I see you in Hollywood.” Y/N gazed at him.

“Aw if it isn’t the lovebirds.” The high school bitch exclaimed as she came up the driveway with her friends.

“Aw if it isn’t the dumbass who doesn’t realise a girl and a guy can’t be friends without being in a relationship.” Y/N raised her middle finger.

“Y/N!” Her mom said, as she clambered onto the front porch with Karen and Aaliyah. Shawn snickered at her.

17 years old

“I’d like to thank Taylor so much for having me on this 1989 tour.” Shawn gestured on stage to a Taylor dressed as a snowman. “It’s been great.”

+

Y/N downed the red cup full of beer alongside her friends, all dressed up as cats.

“Hey sexy.” A guy passing by them said.

“Bye.” Y/N waved sarcastically.

“Hey Y/N what happened to that friend of yours? Shawn?”

“You definitely know him. You have his song in your playlist.”

“Wait. Shit. Your old childhood friend is Shawn MENDES?”

20 years old

Y/N smiled at herself in the mirror. A decade ago, she was dressed exactly the same. Gryffindor robe, black skirt, wand in hand. Hermione was the true heroine of Harry Potter. She set out the door into her car and off to some party her friend has been raving about.

Shawn closed the Youtube video “how to tie a tie” as he managed to secure the red and gold Harry Potter tie around his neck. He unwrapped a caramel that was lying on his table then left his condo and over to Andrew’s house.

The pair stood side by side at the bar ordering drinks. Turning around, the both proceeded to say: “Nice costume.”

Their hand then flew to their mouths in shock.

“Y/N?”

“Shawn?”

“Oh my god.”

They hugged each other, dumbstruck. They then proceeded to sit down at a couch and reconnected, talking about everything that had happened in their whirlwind lives the past five years.

21 years old

“Wow cheesy.” Geoff commented on Shawn and Y/N’s costume.

“Shut up it’s funny.”

“Lemme get a picture of you too, it’ll get the media fawning. And the couples who are also wearing a bacon and egg costume not feel alone.”

Y/N chuckled as Shawn looped his arm around her shoulder.

“You’re cute.” Shawn looked down at her.

“As are you.”

30 years old

“THOMAS BABY DON’T RUN YOU’RE GONNA TRIP!” Shawn called after his mischievous four year old as he dragged his two year old sister down the sidewalk, who was barely keeping up with her two tiny feet.

“Shawn that’s literally word for word, what your mom told you when we were 4.”

Shawn grinned at the memory.

“How can I forget? My first trick-or-treating experience.”

“Hey you think we should do that Kimmel “I told my kids I ate their candy” challenge thing?”

38 years old

Shawn and Y/N sat in their kitchen, practically crying of laughter.

“Thomas, Rose come here!” They played a video on their phone of those two eight years ago screaming and pouting.

“Not cool dad, I actually thought you two ate all my candy.”

“I was only 2!”

“It was a joke!” Shawn chuckled. “Although I did steal some of your caramels.”

The pair of siblings left the room.

“We really are bad parents aren’t we?”

“The worst.” Shawn chuckled, pulling his wife in for a kiss on the cheek.

50 years old

“Hey hun look here what Rose posted on her Facebook.”

“Aw cute.” Y/N replied.

“What do you mean cute? She’s half naked! That isn’t a costume it’s lingerie!”

“Shawn she’s 22.”

“Still.”

“Imagine when we were 22. I’m sure you would have liked to see me in that.” Y/N cocked an eyebrow.

“Still do.” Shawn smirked, pulling her in for a hug.

60 years old

“Hi dears come in!” Y/N cried at the sight of her children and grandchildren. “Look at them! You are so precious.”

“What’s up guys.” Shawn opened the door to his son and daughter.

“And Rose! You dressed her up as princess Ariel!”

“What’s so special about princess Ariel?” Shawn said, popping a caramel in his mouth.

“That was my first Halloween costume.”

“Oh yeah!” Shawn remembered.

“And watch how many of those you eat, we ain’t 28 anymore.” Y/N chuckled.

“Not my fault you make these so damn delicious.”

85 years old

Y/N and Shawn were sitting calmly on their armchairs in front of the fire.

“Hey.” Shawn said.

“Hmm?”

“It’s Halloween today.”

“Is it?” Y/N asked.

Shawn got up slowly and disappeared into the storage room. He reemerged into the room with a hat and a pair of glasses. Sitting back down, he placed the hat on Y/N’s head and put the round glasses on himself.

“Harry really couldn’t have survived without Hermione.” He said.

“Only took you over seventy years to figure that out.” Y/N laughed.

“I couldn’t have survived this life without you Y/N.”

Shawn said.

Y/N smiled at him.

“You want me to make caramel?”

ik this aint caramel but honestly i cant find good gifs on here anymore idk why

[sweatytyrantwhispers]

Part 4 of things my friends do that make me love them even more:

- both rachel and cristine are artistically talented and i cant fucking wait to see them become famous doing the things they love (i know theyll becoem famous i believe in them tht much) (rachel has a great singing voice; cristine has a great singing voice, knows how to play various intstruments, loves acting, and can paint/draw amazingly)

-seth tells me some catchphraes his fav youtubers say whenever we talk

-none of my friends (nor I) knows how to react or what to say most of the time, especially when it comes to gift giving and compliments; we’re all oblivious and awkward people that don’t understand society

-andy messes up on what to say to customer service people when its evening/night time cus we usually go out around tht time but he’s used to sauing have a good day

-andy also hates intersections so he’ll pretend hes walking in the other direction (away frm the intersection), stand on the sidewalk and pretend hes doing something, or take a whole other route if theres a car nearing the intersection bc he says it feels awkward

-rachel’s favorite animals are dogs and raccoons so when i send her a post abt raccoons she gets rly excited and says she wants to hv a raccoon as a pet when she grows up. She also gets excited when i point out a dog to her in public (she cant see it cus no glasses but still excited by its genert presence)

-dina is scared of lightning so I always try to ask her if shes alright when theres a thunderstorm

-when we go to the park, rachel almost always tries to make tiktoks. We always end up interrupting and annoying her while she makes them though, sorta like our little routine.

-last time we went to the park, rachel ended up accidentally hitting meng and I directly on the face with the volleyball (its ok though cause im pretty sure we’ve ended up accidentally hitting each other with the ball at least once)

-when i got hit with the ball dina asked me if i was ok but as she moved towards me she went for the ball (we were playing monkey in the middle and she was one of the monkeys); its just funny and i love that our friendship is at a point where we could laugh about it and everything is fine

-i told my friends that i was depressed before going to the park to hang out w them. when i got there i kinda just sat on the ground looking through reddit with music on high. they all tried their best to talk to me and tell me funny stories (they said they overheard a group of kids talking about how they pantsed another dude) to cheer me up. Dina and Rachel both decided to give me a hug at the same time and i toppled over. Dina gave me a hug again. I love them so much

- Andy called me while i was in class to tel me to look at the sunset. Its something that both of us have done a few times because we both love sunsets and usually see them when we’re out. Its a small thing but it makes me love my friends even more.

-I was on voice call with Rachel on discord and she laughed then sent the group chat a link to a tiktok

-(not my friend but my mom) She knows that i hate it when things are thrown out when they’re still good or can still be repurposed. Someone brought flowers home for some reason (i forgot why) but she was putting the flowers in a vase one day. Some of the flowers broke off the bigger portion of the stem and couldn’t be put into the big vase but she put a bunch of them into a small container for me and gave it to me. I loved it even though we did hv to throw it out like a few weeks later.

-My friends and I were at Central Park and we were waiting for my two friends to finish up taking pictures. Meng and I were taking a short nap (him sitting down w his elbows on his legs and me w my head on his shoulder) while we waited. We also shared my earbuds to listen to my music. I was p sleepy so I was on the verge of sleeping my also sorta aware of what was going on (mainly cus we were guarding our stuff while everyone else was taking pictures elsewhere). I was doing that thing you do when you’re nodding your head while trying to stay awake/go to sleep. I kept on doing that until he eventually sat up a bit more and pushed my head onto his shoulder better

-Samir looked at a shirt with george washington on it and confidently said that was benjamin franklin

-Dina was talking about how she kept on eating shrimo and peanuts even though she has a mild allergy to it. Rachel and I were telling her to stop and tht we’re not bringing it to the picnic on sunday cus we dont want her dying. She responded, very confidently, tht she “hasnt died before”

-Samir calls dina “d-money”

-Rachel gave me a hug as an im sorry for taking so long. (I genuinely didnt care cus even tho they do take a long time i still v much love them)

-Rachel takes tiktoks and videos of us while we’re out

-Rachel and Dina both got v the excited when i wore a skirt out today because I usually dress more masculine

-A few weeks ago (i think) my friends and I were at the park. I was trying to do something to meng and tripped and fell on the park ground (the part where there’s basically a bunch of tiny rocks on/in the floor). Meng was also trying to do that thing where two people hold a person’s arms and legs and swing them back and forth with me but forgot that if you take someones legs off the floor with no one else holding my arms, i would fall head first onto the park ground, which i did. Both times I laughed at myself but everyone rushed to me while laughing. Idk why but it made me feel like I was ok and safe, even if i was in so much pain, srsly i couldve had a concussion.

- Rachel and I both got excited bc we both wanted to got to the same college

-I call andy when im walking home by myself at night (or when the route im taking doesn’t necessarily hv a lot of people of lights) and he just vibes with me (sometimes talks to me abt how i should b home) until i get home safely

-idk if i already put this but Andy and I have a safe word when we think there might be someone behind us following us at night bc one time when walking home we thought tht and used our now safe word to see if there was someone

-Rachel and Dina do this thing where they take their hand and go from the side of someone else’s body (where the arms are) to the bottom of their legs rly fast while theyre walking. They call it “full body stroke”. They shared it w me and now we do it to meng almost every time we go out. Sometimes we do it together (one person per side).

-While at Central Park there was a dude that was singing (he was rly good). He started singing “Lean on me” by Bill Withers and my friends started singing along with him.

-Rachel sent me a tiktok knowing full well that itd make me gay panic bc yk ✨w o m e n✨

-Dina, Alan, and I stayed out after everyone else went home cus yk they were tired. Dina and I decided to talk like white girls/pick me girls the rest of the night with their stereotypical voices. We laughed the entire time and created weird storylines including: Jessica (Dina), Olivia (me), Jayden (Jessica’s boyfriend and brother that created on Jessica with me and Nicole), Nicole (Jessica’s friend), Olivia’s dad (a convicted felon in all 50 states and is dead), Jessica’s dad (a lawyer that’s also running for president, and Alan (he was just roped into our bs and was there to act like the dude that we both wanted to have as our bf).

- When we were in the bathroom and washing our hands, Dina waited until after the other woman in the bathroom to leave before coming up to me and, in a discreet whisper, told me that the soap was what “good pussy sounds like”

- Rachel, Dina, and I saw a few cats on our way to meet up with Alan and we played w the cats for a bit before one of them said “pspspspsp come here alan” to one of the cats. We now do this frequently to each other even though we hate it.

- We have corrupted each other to the point where we cannot hang out without someone saying “that’s what she said”, something about Dina being white, “just like this dick”, and “deez nuts”. We laugh about it a lot

- Rachel and I are both reasonably out of energy both mentally and physically after our jobs so when I walked w her to a mall w the rest of her friends, we both walked silently with a bit of catching up cause we both understood how the other felt

-We had a water balloon fight today at work (Alan, Rachel, and I work together). Obviously, I took the chance to pop as many balloons over rachel’s head and dump water on her. She tried to spray me w water using a water gun though. Afterwards gave the towel i brought to rachel cause she needed it to change. It’s important to note that rachel has purple hair right now and that the towel was white. key word: was. The towel was now stained a light purple (I dont mind but damn)

- i made rachel a purple raccoon by crocheting it (purple and pink actually). I finished it yesterday (sunday) and gave it today to her at work (monday). I opened the door a bit and peeked my head in with the raccoon just below me in my hands. She was confused at first but then saw the raccoon and her eyes lit up. It was rly cute🥰🥺 to see her get excited. We both nicknamed the raccoon “pimp jr.” and i made a lil name tag/from to tag that said it.

- rachel likes to lip-sync to music shes either listening to or hears in store and sometimes does a little dance with it. Its so cute and I love looking at her do it because it reminds me of why I adore her. She also goes hard when it comes to singing at karaoke. Like damn her vocal range is astounding

- dina got so excited when i asked her if she wanted to binge watch all the twilight movies with me. She looked so cute cus its one of her favorite movies. ugh i love my friends.

-a lot of dudes have crushes on rachel and dina and the both of them usually just try their best to avoid the person or avoid confronting them. Idk why but it kinda makes me feel grateful that I’m close friends with them because I used to have a crush on both of them before when we first met. When I told them i used to have crushes on them they didn’t act weird about it or anything and we continued to be friends. I’m so fucking grateful I’m their friend despite my initial crush on them cause they’re two of them most amazing people I’ve met my entire life.

-rachel, meng, alan, and I went to go watch Shang Chi in movies. In the last few scenes (which were v tense btw) rachel nd I both got rly anxious and squeezed each others hands bc we were scared out favorite characters were gonna get hurt. She squeezed the fuck out of my hand to the point where I couldn’t feel it anymore and neither could she. I’m ok with that though cus I’m glad she finds comfort in squeezing the living fuck out of my hands.

-dina, rachel, and I have matching bracelets from hot topic and i see them wear it almost every time we hang out. Alan and I have a matching pair too but I dont think he’s going to wear it very much (issok tho).

-We went to karaoke yesterday and I dont know how I just realized this but while she’s singing, dina likes to move around a lot. It’s not exactly dancing but not particularly just moving around. Its kinda like that tiny thing ppl do when they’re alone and playing their favorite songs on blast. She’s so cute when she does it, esp because she seems so happy when she does it. Even though I absolutely despise Justin Bieber, I would play his songs over and over again on blast if it made her as happy as she has made me.

-dina and I like to go to the swings and blast “Happier Than Ever” with earbuds in (we share a pair for this) and she screams along to it for the second half

-it’s become a “tradition” for us to go to the swings (most of time) after we’ve done the initial things we already planned out because dina and I love the swings.

[fics-not-tragedies]

Memories to be made: Chapter 3

one - two - three

The upcoming chapters will be posted much later, because I have to write them from scratch since they got lost in the process of me changing devices, so it’ll take me some time to make them as equally great as the first three were (apparently that’s what people think about them, it’s quite insane for me).

SUMMARY: Keanu goes to the dentist with Emelia. Words:  1690; Warnings: panic attack;

Readers tag list:

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The wind was blowing their hair from side to side and she kept thinking how the brown fluff of his suits him and softens the sharpness of his handsome jawline. The clouds were getting darker, the rain waiting to prove its point again and she gripped her umbrella tightly, probably too tightly, because he noticed her gesture.

His eyes, glued to her face, unable to leave her features from the moment they saw each other for the first time, now moved to the broad advertisement that was hanged on a tall pole above the place they were standing in.

“Maybe you should give that a chance then” Keanu nodded with his head towards the billboard towering over them.

Stressed? Give Tea a Chance.

Emelia just chuckled nervously. Apparently the fortune had a twisted sense of humor and found it hilarious to make them interact with each other in places where the new brand of tea was advertised.

She was standing right next to Keanu, their arms pressed together, the closeness of his body didn’t seemed like an issue to her now. He liked it, having her that close, being able to feel her warmth, the delicate scent of her perfume mixed with the one of the shampoo she used in the morning.

“I doubt it would help” she moved her gaze from the tea kettle that was printed on the paper glued to the large board and looked at him, “it’s just a tea.”

“I hate dentists too” he tried to coax her a little bit with the warm tone of his voice, but she shrugged and inhaled the air sharply closing her eyes shut.

“It’s not the dentist…” mumbling, her hand shot almost immediately up and onto the neck. She rubbed it harshly few times, probably too harshly, making a red swelling appear all over the spot, if not a bruise that’d pop up there later, and she wanted to do that again, but Keanu stopped her by simply grasping her hand with his own, entwining his fingers with hers, pressing their palms closely together.

Emelia was about to mumble barely coherent thank you, which she signalized by opening her mouth, but he was first to speak, “I called us a cab” the words left his mouth with a tiny smirk curling slightly the corners of his mouth.

Then, he noticed.

Every muscle of her body tensed, she was almost crushing his hand with the grip she held on it. Her eyes were huge, like an emerald colored full moon in the night sky, tears started to glisten in them.

And she trembled. No, it wasn’t just a tremble, her whole body shook like there was an earthquake passing right through it.

She was furious. Furious with her own self. All of her guards fell to bits after hearing the simple sentence that came from his mouth.

Blinking rapidly she squeezed his hand again, probably hurting him at this point, but he didn’t sad any word of complain. Heart thudding against her chest like it was about to escape from it and run somewhere where it could feel safer; sweat dripping down her back, leaving a wet trail on the flimsy turtleneck she was wearing today; all she could see now was his face and she was holding to that view like it was a distress beacon in the middle of the ocean.

A loud honk interrupted the silence.

“Oh no…” she breathed out turning around and noticing the black car that was waiting for them.

Keanu took a few steps towards it, moving from her at the distance of their hands still glued together, but she stayed in her place, like she grew into the sidewalk, unable to move.

“Em, we should-” he didn’t finished his sentence looking at her and seeing the never ending flow of tears, that were cascading down her face.

“I-I c-can’t…” the mumble barely reached his ears. Her distress was too visible, he knew that she was fighting with her own self and it’s wasn’t a fair war. She tiptoed closer to him and he opened the door for her, taking a step back, waiting for the moment she’ll sneak inside and sit onto the leathered seats.

The movement of her body showed that she wanted to get inside the ride that was luckily still waiting patiently for them to get inside, but she flinched and looked at Keanu with her watery eyes and tears pouring out of them.

“You have me now. I’m gonna make everything I can to make you feel better, even if it would be for a second only. Just squeeze my hand if it helps you. Squeeze it as much as you want to. I’m right here darling. You can do this” Keanu held the door open for her with one hand, while the other was still held by her, “I’m right next to you Emelia” the way her name sounded in his mouth, like a praise for her, for how strong she was, made her take a deep breath, close her eyes and just slid inside the cab without any word.

She was still trembling, tears running down her face, but she felt better when he plopped onto the seat close to her, their thighs pressed together, and wrapped his arm around her waist, “I’m right here darling” he whispered softly into her ear.

The cab driver asked them about the address and she mumbled it too incoherently, so Keanu had to repeat it after her.

His arm pulling her closer to him, every time he heard her sobbing when the car was taking a sharper turn. She was almost laying on him, the embrace made her feel slightly better.

She was IN the cab. And surprisingly she was safe this time.

Opening of her eyes caused the terrible memories come back to her in a flashbacks, that’s why she closed them shut again. A loud sob shook her body and Keanu pulled her closer.

“It’s okay darling. It’s alright. Shhh… shhh… I’m here Emelia. You're holding my hand and I’m still here” he tried to coax her, ease her mind just for a bit, but it wasn’t helping much. There was nothing else he could do now.

With her eyes still closed he felt how the car stopped and she was finally able to catch a proper breath. She heard the shuffling that was happening right next to her, the sound of door opening and felt how Keanu was pulling her out of the seat. Being too terrified of the ride she didn’t caught the moment in which he paid the driver, even though she was the one that invited him to join her and she wanted to pay for it.

No matter how horrific the ride was, it was finally over. Emelia was now in the open space, she could breath normally now, desperate in trying to calm herself down, she could feel the cold breeze on her face, her auburn locks dancing in the wind.

“I’m afraid of falling” she breathes, her eyes still closed, hand firmly gripping his palm, their fingers entwined together. Keanu stands close behind her, his arm wrapped around her waist, holding her firmly, not letting her drop to the ground if her legs would like to give in and fail in making her stand still. He can smell the lavender scent of her shampoo, her auburn locks swinging in the wind right in front of his face.

“I’ll catch you” he smiled, more to himself than to her, because she couldn’t see how sincere his gesture is. All he can do is to tighten the grip of his arm, sneak it further around her body, like he wants her to know that this all is real. That he’s here, holding her tightly, their fingers are stuck together and all he wants now is this moment to last forever.

Emelia turns around to him, her legs still shaking, the wind blowing her hair from one side to another. He notices how red her eyes really are; she kept them closed during the whole drive here, how scared she was, terrified of even looking at the cab.

They’re gonna take a walk back home. He can’t look at her suffer like that. He crumbled when he saw her tears.

She lets go of his hand only to hold onto his arms, giving them a light squeeze, “Thank you, I should’ve told you before you… before you called for that stupid cab.”

“Darling, I have told you already, no need for thanking me. I’m just glad you had an arm to hold onto. You had my arm.”

“Hold me for few more moments, please” she rest her head on her hand that’s pressed flat to his arm right above the collarbone. His muscles tensed at the feeling of her body being so close to him, feeling the cozy warmth she’s radiating.

Being in his strong arms was one of few things she was daydreaming about every time they met, but she wanted this all to happen in different time and different place. Maybe on a movie date, when he’ll slyly sneak his arm around her in the darkened room filled with other lovers on first dates. But it all already happened; she panicked and he had her back.

Actually, he helped her. Simply his presence, his embrace and soft words he whispered into her ear made her stay intact and not crumble into tiny pieces.

“I can hold you forever” he breathed out, his voice a mere whisper, but she hear that and looked up at him, noticing the soft gaze of his doe eyes that’s glued to her. He’s waiting for her to speak, to say something, anything just a word or two that would put him on the right tracks when it comes to what she’s feeling.

Emelia’s voice is stuck in her throat, no matter how wide she’d open her mouth no sound will leave it. She simply wraps her arms around his neck tiptoeing even closer to him.

“Then hold me, Keanu. That’s all I need right now.”