#we can sense eachother even if we don’t know ourselves lol

[phantomdecibel]

oh wow-

:D

short answer: I think bows are cool as fuck and want them to exist :p
long answer: yeah, they do use a lot of resources! You’d have to try your best not to lose your arrows bc ur prolly not gonna be able to get them back very easily and it’d be a waste of time digging around for them, but the benefit/necessity of having a long-range weapon to hunt with outweighs how expensive they’d be. The snuffler rangers travel and rotate between a number of villages, so you can’t rely of them for food 100% of the time, especially when weather constrains cause delays or even for them to skip certain villages entirely. As for how they’d make bows/arrows without wood, I haven’t entirely figured out yet. I know that certain plants like hemp and bamboo can be used as a wood substitute in some cases, and there are some similar plants in the Deadzone, so the vague idea is that there are similar plants here that could be used instead – though they’re not exactly abundant, and take quite a few just for one bow and a set of arrows, so its still a pretty big investment

just for the onceler thing im changing the name /j–

The snufflers don’t actively protect the ranchers, no. they’re incredibly docile and not predators – though they could probably startle off certain other creatures by running at them fast enough lol
With the bird cats it’s like. If you’re close enough to the snuffler, like leaned against it close, then the cats will usually leave you alone. The range of how closely they’re willing to hunt around the snufflers is a lot smaller than other predators, though, so yeah, the ranchers who’re following around the bird cats are in a really precarious situation XD

I haven’t quite figured out how sentient I want the bird cats to be yet, but they are pretty intelligent. I’d say not quite warrior cats level of sentience – definitely sentient enough for language/communication with eachother. Probably not quite the same level as human sentience tho

Not exactly – it’s more like a bargain; we wont hurt you and we’ll make ourselves useful, and in return you’ll do the same. The cat birds have a strong sense of community/pack bonding mentality, so things kinda build from mutually beneficial to that one httyd meme lmao. You’re right orphanages aren’t exactly a huge thing/don’t work the same as in our world – but that’s mostly just because communities are so tight knit! When you live somewhere as dangerous as the Deadzone, you’ve got to really trust the people around you, and vice versa. If a child is orphaned, which happens a lot, unfortuanatly, they’re prolly gonna get schlorped by family friends near immediately

Theft of eggs has been such a threat for the murder bird cats that they’ve evolved to lay several unfertilized ‘decoy’ eggs alongside a single fertilized one (no clue how that’d work logically but whatever lmao), so yeah the ranchers are only taking the unfertilized ones! They take them because they’re good food, and good for trading. Since they,re not exactly popular, ranchers who follow the murder friends need…rarer? things for trading, though they’re definitely encouraged to take the eggs, among other things! It’s more often that they just leave rather than actively double cross, since they’ve come to respect and acknowledge the cats intelligence, and wouldn’t want retaliation

Arceli :D! ….I plead the fifth–

The Threshold… now that could be an entirely other post lmao! For now I’ll keep it vague with; the Threshold is part of what keeps the Deadzone so isolated, since it’s landlocked, not an island! Lack of food/water is definitely a factor at times… but mostly Something Else (:

Yeah, most people would report that the air gets… weird, harder to breath, the closer you get to the Threshold, for some reason…

I’d say the snufflers are more like weird cows lmao, they’ve been completely domesticated, and when someone /does/ find one out in the wild, they’re more likely to bring to back to try and develop a breeding colony rather than killing it right away! The ranchers protect and provide for the snufflers, so I’d say that probably outweighs the threat

Children still have stronger stomachs than people outside of the Deadzone – but definitely weaker than adults inside it. It’s an evolutionary advantage, but one that still needs to be strengthened to work properly!

Bioluminescence has a whole bunch of different purposes – I’d say there are animals who use it for all three! A number of smaller prey species glow, as a sort of defence mechanism

Fishing! I’ve fished before, though I usually prefer just hanging out on the boat :]

How do people hunt in your world?

HELL YEAH TIME TO RAMBLE ABOUT WORLDBUILDING-!!!

Prepare yourself for a bunch of information you did not ask for :D!!!!!

Lovely question thank you very much, and very open tho so im just gonna focus on hunting in the Deadzone, since that’s the area in the wcbwe universe that I post about the most :)

…yknow. Im not sure I ever made it really clear so: the Deadzone, with all the oily, acidic water and whatnot, is only a small, small part of the universe. It’s very isolated, so all sorts of wild things go on there :p the rest of the world has normal water. I’m just focusing on developing one part at a time!

Before I really jump into this I’d like to say that the stories I’m writing inside this universe take place over a number of years, like thousands bc immortal ppl exist, so I’m gonna mostly talk about hunting and agriculture around the time that the first instalment of the story ‘Im writing starts (not that that really matters I’m just enjoying rambling lol). So: one-to-two thousand years before the people here started counting the years

oh also bear in mind that at this stage im just making shit up if u want like science behind the shit im making up ur gonna have to get it elsewhere /j :p

Okay so on to the question! How does hunting work in the Deadzone?

There’re a couple things that really shape how things like that work here; the general lack of wood, scarcity of easily accessible drinkable water, the water that can literally melt your skin off, and the fact that open flame here is a Bad Idea (sorry arson mutuals) – but that’s a whole other thing I’m not gonna get into rn lmao

Although – the whole acid rain thing isn’t as big of a problem bc most resources have evolved to be resistant to it, and the people and animals have learned to deal

SO with the dangerous weather/environment, a really popular hunting technique is the use of snares, and herding things into them. They’re reusable, so you get to worry less about the use of resources, you can set them and wait somewhere safe and don’t have to worry about getting caught out in the rain or sandstorms, and assuming you’re setting your traps in an area you know, you don’t have to worry as much about getting lost when visibility is low! Not to mention that setting a trap is less strenuous than than a lot of other forms of hunting, so you need less water, which is a coveted resource, especially at this point in time

Guns don’t exist yet, but if they did, they’d be pretty popular too – and will be when they finally do. I have no clue at what point in time firearms became a thing, but the Deadzone is incredibly isolated anyways, so I can do whatever I want anyways uwu. As it is, archery is definatly a thing instead! Bows and crossbows both are used in hunting, effective long-range weapons :)

Close-range weapons like knives and swords and whatnot do exist and are used, but they’re more so better suited against larger predators, like the murder birb cats. There are these large bug-coyote things I don’t have a solid design for (nightcrawlers; theyre nocturnal. Im so original I know /j) that are really annoying to shoot at. Most people try their best to avoid them and no one’s really out at night – its also really cold so its no big loss – but when people are out at night, you’re gonna want a sword or something. Nightcrawlers are edible, under their tough exoskeleton, but also really dangerous to the people of the Deadzone, so they’re not often hunted for food, more so just to cull their numbers and the fact that they’re edible is just a plus

The murder birb cats are ambush predators mostly, like I mentioned in my other post, and good at avoiding traps – or worse, turning them against the hunter. So they’re rarely hunted specifically (if someone has a chance to kill one though they wil definitely take it), but their eggs are often poached for both food and to get rid of as many threats to a village as possible.

Most animals are pretty difficult to actively… uh. I cant remember the word? Corral? Herd?... farm? and it’s the same with plants bc their main source of hydration is incredibly dangerous to handle – except for these one creatures I first thought up when all I could think about was the people who follow around the murder birds (dw we’re gonna talk abt that im in too deep I’m incapable of not-). The. only visual I have for them is like tall, lanky humpless camels with like. Snouts like those smooth mammal things whos faces look like a mix between anteater and capybara snouts that the only tentative first-draft name ive come up w for them is ‘snufflers’ XD and that sounds way too much like the knew Minecraft mob lmao-

At the point in time where the wcbwe universe begins, snufflers are the only truly domesticated animal in the Deadzone. They’re used as mounts, for food, and, more importantly, they can accurately predict when it’s about to rain, and start barking… maybe screamers or something would be a better name lmao theyre just too soft for that :p

Because they work as a warning system for the other wildlife who aren’t immune to the rain, predators in the Deadzone (with the exception of the nightcrawlers) don’t attack snufflers unless in incredibly dire situations, and, by extension, the people of the Deadzone are mostly safe when close enough! So they’re incredibly popular mounts for travelling the desolation of the Deadzone. Snuffler… ‘rangers’ or ‘ranchers’, this is newer lore so I’m not quite settled on any names/titles yet, have travelling farms that herd their flocks between a rotation of local villages to sell/trade them for various resources. Even just keeping the snufflers in the village deters most predators from hunting there, with the exception of nightcrawlers who will attack snufflers anyways (might be because their exoskeleton protects them from the rain so the warning means nothing to them), and the murder bird cats, who are smart enough to hunt people while leaving the snufflers alone.

THIS IS WHERE I BRING UP THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THE BIRBS AROUND :D

Some ranchers take a snuffler or two and head out either on their own or in small groups no larger than five, to follow the bird cat flocks. When they’re quite literally sat atop the snufflers, the murder friends mostly leave them alone. Of course they also have to be incredibly careful until they build up enough trust within the flock, because they would definitely be considered a threat or food and taken out if they stray too far or close. If the rouge ranchers want to be able to follow and live among the murder friends in relative safety, they’ve got to prove that a) theyre not a threat and b) they’re more useful alive than dead

Ranchers who follow the cats tend to hunt larger prey like the nightcrawlers, and share their kills with the bird cats, among other things, and the murder friends return the favour once the ranchers have been accepted as friends. Its an incredibly important and dangerous job, but also scorned. The murder bird cats are a serious threat to villages and just the people of the Deadzone in general – and the ranchers often become protective and defensive of their flocks, which causes some conflict. Still, these ranchers (who don’t have a separate title yet) are incredibly important for life in the Deadzone. They provide information on where their flocks are so people can avoid them or hide, they have easy access to eggs they can sell or trade as food, and if they have enough respect within the flock can even help provent attacks on villages – not to mention all they learn about the predators, and it always helps to know things about your enemies. One of my ocs, and the pov character of a story I’m writing  named Arceli is one of these ranchers! Though unfortunately that doesn’t last very long and isn’t the focus at all :,)

So those’re two of the most important jobs in the Deadzone and we’ve gone seriously off topic!

Hunting, right-

Well, hunting’s pretty hard without tools lol! I don’t know much about the production of any tools you’d use for hunting n shit so I won’t really talk about that, but I can tell you a bit of what they’re made out of! Though not much sorry ;-;

Metals do exist here and while fire isn’t an option, they do still have the melty water and some forms of bioluminescence that produces heat! I wont go into details I don’t know, but both rock and metal can be heated and molded similar to how they could in our world… just not with fire haha. And also bone! This would work exactly the same as how it does on earth – but the Deadzone has an abundance of bones, particularly around the edges

The Deadzone is surrounded by a barrier called The Threshold – and the Threshold is basically a large ring of the bones of dead things that have tried to cross it. I’m tempted to try and explain but I can’t draw which would really help w the explanation and also this is already really long so I’ll just keep it simple with it’s not a hard line in art terms bc those’re the only words I know rn in art terms it sort of. Ombres and condenses before dispersing out again. and by ‘it’ I mean the bones

So bones are easily accessible, and a pretty abundant resource!

TAPIRS FUCKIGN TAPIRS THAT’S WHAT THEYRE CALLED. SNUFFLER FACES NOSES WHATEVER LOOK LIKE TAPIR FACE NOSES. anyways. moving on now.

Right bones!

Lots of em littered around; they’re used for pretty much everything from tools/weapons to for building to even for food and snacks – things to gnaw and whatnot – especially marrow (in what I’m assuming would be primarily from fresher kills).

(I don’t know why I mentioned agriculture earlier ive barely brought it up whoops. Probably won’t go into it either, unless it comes up naturally, this is just already way to long lmao)

Another thing that plays a large part in hunting is that pretty much everything, people and animal alike, have very strong stomachs, and people, in smaller doses, know how to prepare carrion in a way that wont immediately make you super fucking sick. I haven’t decided how long it takes for things to rot in the Deadzone; the air is super cold there, cold enough to significantly slow down the decomposition process bUT the sands and rocks and shit are really really good at absorbing heat from the sun, like they can get hot enough to burn you. So I guess it depends on how sunny it is but that doesn’t really matter the point is. It’s way less (if at all) necessary now, what with the invention of traps and tools for hunting and farming the snufflers, but the only way you live long enough to evolve in the Deadzone is if you’re a scavenger of some kind.

So back to hunting. I’ve mentioned it once or twice but visibility is Really Shitty most of the time, so when you’re going out, you’ve to plan to be lost for a few days or you’re dead. If you stick close to your village you’re not gonna get as good of results, but at least you’re much more likely to make it home at the end of the day. Stray too far and you could get so turned around it takes you a month to get home – but you’d probably stumble across some really good prey to bring back, when you’re in places people don’t end up in often.

OH

CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT-

Bioluminescence! Is a thing here!

Ive already mentioned that in multiple different things, but guess what! It applies here, too!

So like with bioluminescent fish, often predators use their own possible bioluminescent qualities to lure in prey. This was first observed by the rangers following the murder bird cats (I haven’t settled on a specific design but so far they’ve got whiskers that can grown from the chin, crown of the head, and along the spine and base of the tail that have a glowing bubble at the end), and was adapted by people for use in traps and as lures in the same way

Oh also there’s fish in the melty water :)

Fishing isn’t a thing just yet, but they’ll figure it out soon enough

I feel like im forgetting something but *checks wordcount* this is over 2000 words so imma just stop it here lmao-

no art sorry, I tried and failed miserably and then was at my grandma’s writing and not drawing lol

[violentviolette]

How do u cope with perceived rejection? I'm at the point rn where I don't want to leave the house bc I don't want to interact with anyone anymore.

oof, that sucks. im sorry anon.

honestly for me its a combo of a lot of little things and techniques but also its still hard sometimes. I also don't have any issue when it comes to strangers. I dont care if random people don't like or reject me or think negatively of me I only care if the people I care about and want to like me don't like me. if that makes sense? so sorry if some of this isnt as helpful for those kinds of situations

but okay so my main steps are usually firstly reminding myself that I'm not that important in peoples lives. and I dont mean that in a self depreciating way so just stay with me. most people are self centered in that were all the most important person to ourselves, we live in our own brains and with our own thoughts 24/7 and so were constantly thinking about ourselves and our behavior and our life and all the things going on in it that are important to us. and like thats a good normal thing but that also means that so is everyone else. no one is paying as much attention to me and what im doing as I am, because theyre paying attention to themselves.

so I remind myself of that and remind myself that most people have a lot going on that has nothing to do with me and so their bad mood or their quietness or their weird vibe isnt them hating and rejecting me, it just means theyre upset and theres a millions reasons why that could be that are more important to them than some little thing i did.

next up is that whatever the most mundane and casual explination that exists is, is probably the truth. and even if i truly think it isnt, i act as if it is until someone directly tells me otherwise. is someone not talking to me today or hasnt replied in hours? theyre probably really busy at work or eating or showering or maybe their phone is dead, and it helps me to ask myself “well when are some times ive taken 2 hours to respond and why was that” and if im being actually honest with myself i will find times when i have behaved the same but wasnt mad at someone or rejecting them. so i always force myself to believe the mundane solution, which helps me not act on any of my feelings.

because even if i really cant believe it in the moment, i can act like i do. so say someone hasnt talked to me and i feel like theyre rejecting me, i tell myself its just because theyre busy and not because theyre mad and force myself to act accodingly. i message them a normal amount and i dont mention my feelings or suspicions and then eventually they always talk to me again like normal and then i can be like “see, eveyrthing was fine and we were just being crazy. glad i didnt do anything about it”

only act on direct information, never assumptions. i act like nothing is wrong until someone directly tells me it is, because i dont live in their head and i cant read their thoughts. i dont truly know how they’re thinking and feeling until they tell me. (and for all u other aspd and npd assholes out there NO U DONT. genuinly and honestly. people are always capable of surprising us and even when we think we have them nailed and know exactly what their thinking, even if were right, u cannot just assume someones thoughts and take it as fact. its disordered and unhealthy and u need to stop doing it if u want better relationships with others) and if they haven’t directly told me something is wrong, then they haven’t communicated properly and that is on them. i dont read into vagueposts or status updates or tweets or level of activity or anything. i notice all of it because my brain is crazy but i force myself to ignore everything except the direct words someone says to me.

is their discord status something super upset that i think vaguely relates to me? that means nothing what was the last thing they said to me? oh that they love me and then we had a totally normal interaction. thats whats the truth, and if they were lying and they actually are mad at me, then thats on them for literally communicating the exact opposite of their feelings.

and lastly, if its people who ur close with, u can also ask for reassurance or validation in a way that doesnt accuse them of doing anything wrong. i will often go to my wife and instead of being like “are u mad at me?” or something i’ll say “im feeling really fragile today can u help reassure me that u love me and that im good?” or “I know u love me but can u tell me again i need to hear it extra today” or if its a friend sometimes i’ll say “hey im feeling kind of insecure and anixious today, when u get a chance could u reassure me that we’re still friends?” or literally just coming in the chat like “hello friends i require validation today” and then people will repsond with emojis and “god mood” and i will feel better

these are good ways to ask for support because they dont put any blame or onus on the other person, its about u and ur feelings, and usually if its people who care about u they’ll have no problem doing that. my friends and i tell eachother very often that we love and care about and genuinly like one another because reassurance and validation is Good and it should be a normal part of ur relationships. (no one insert a screenshot of that time ryo said he was feeling paranoid we hated him so i instantly sent him screenshots of my dms about my crush on him i will skin u)

but yea. those are the main things i do and tell myself and sorry this got so long but i dont know how to explain things like this without a million words lol i hope that made sense and that some of it was helpfull for u

[nightswithkookmin]

Maybe people are just triggered by the phrase 'alternative facts' or 'facts'. Its easy to get stuck on a phrase and its negative associations within the wider world. Why they would go so far as to send hatred your way is beyond me (I hope you are ok).

Ahhh I see...

Whatever Jimin said. Lol

That would have to be ignorance and hypocrisy then wouldn't it? They are shippers too, right? Or are these noneshippers?

A fact is something that is actual and proven to be universally true as opposed to a theory or belief.

An Alt Fact: Is a belief you treat as fact.

All and any statement that says JungKook and Jimin of BTS or any other ship in BTS is real, are gay, in a gay relationship, are boyfriends, having sex in their real life is an Alt Fact. Can't answer for shit when they are sued now can they? Lmho.

Statements like these are just delusions, beliefs and opinions that we shippers tend to treat as facts within the shipping industry. Lol.

I legit thought all these 'she treats her opinions as facts' rumblings were coming from nonshippers with genuine concerns but if it's coming from shippers- I can't take them seriously. Lmho.

If such a distinction isn't made then we not only would be opening ourselves up to possible litigations for libel and defamation but to many moral criticisms such as and not limited to assuming the sexuality and gender of these boys- a problem that comes naturally with shipping and is especially profound in shipping same sex OTPs.

I see a lot of these 'shippers' put up 'disclaimers' such as that they 'ship' Jikook but do not 'assume anything' about them to try to disassociate from and mitigate the criticisms that comes with shipping same sex idols in a romantic context- but that's a misnomer or perhaps, at best, oxymoronic. Lmho.

Chilee, how are you gonna claim you 'ship' two men and believe them to be dating eachother but then claim you are not assuming anything about their gender and sexuality? For them to be dating, they'd have to be queer, no?

If you don't want to assume anything then don't ship them at all or ship them but as 'friends' -bros, bros thangs. Lol.

In which case, you have no business meddling in the business of those who ship them romantically. Damn. But it's as simple as that.

Shipping opposite sex couples is not the answer either. It is equally problematic as shipping same sex couples- either way you are assuming the sexuality of these Idols. If it's not normal to assume they are gay, it's not normal to assume they are straight either.

Shipping in general is very problematic regardless of whether you are a trad or altshipper.

What's worse, we spit out lengthy dissertations and engage in arguments to try to disprove that other Male to Male ship within the same group isn't 'real.' Do you see the problem here?

If Taekook or any other ship in BTS, besides Jikook, turns out to be 'real' we would have spent years tormenting and invalidating two gay men, defining their relationship for them through our own lens and dismissing their right to be whatever they want to be with their sexuality. If Jikook turn out to be straight, we would have done the same thing to them. Chilee.

And if you are an Alt shipper such as myself, you get that extra checkmark for wanting to 'out' or attempting to 'out' your OTP if they are in fact a real gay couple- we all suck my guy. Lol.

Seriously though, these are the issues we ought to be concerned with and have conversations on- as different types of shippers, if we want to be woke or fix the shipping community. Not go to war over disclaimers and tags and shit. What goes on! Chilee.

And while we are at it, we ought to talk about one of the main differences between tradshipping and altshipping: Fetishization, Objectification and appropriation of gay life.

As a disclaimer, this is not to defend my opinions or theories- Let the records show. My opinions and theories are just that. But I have read theories and opinions from other altshippers that are very different from mine but they all seem to have one thing in common- How do I articulate this...

Follow me-

Tradshippers are more willing to accept and uWu at Jeonlous and Jimlous- which are alternative facts and theories by the way, but would flinch at theories that suggest or imply Jikook may very well be dealing with microaggressions and other subtle variations of homophobia within the company- catch my drift, I'm trying not to get sued. Lmho.

Do you see what I mean?

Tradshippers who believe Jikook is real tether the line of Altshipping. Supporting Jikook is to see and most importantly treat them as real 'gay' men- which means you ought to understand and see that they can experience serious issues and pains that any and all LGBTQ plus couples experience within a conservative community such as S.K.

To not see this or assume, when others point it out, that they are being 'dramatic' 'spinning wild accusations' 'writing fiction' and all these other slurs people throw around in these streets is to expose the homophobia inherent in tradshipping.

Heteronormativity in tradshipping is homophobic, dismissing possible real life pains and experiences of the OTP you claim is gay is equally homophobic or at best objectifying, fetishizing and treating these queer people as fantasies and not people.

Picking and choosing the kumbaya aspect of their relationship and despising any statement that contradicts your fantasy of them is objectification, fetishization and frankly homophobic- especially if those issues being pointed out go to the root of issues that gay people face on a daily basis.

It's no different from Tuktukkers who define the relationship of their OTP for them and dismiss the pain of one of their OTP when that person have, over the years, expressed discomfort with being shipped with the other OTP in a romantic sense- get out of your imagination, or even expressed his loneliness and longing for a partner- Blue & Grey and the plethora of ways he's expressed that he is single and not in a romantic relationship with JK.

Conversely, they invalidate the relationship of the pair that expresses a desire to be shipped and actually wants to be shipped with eachother and have gone over and beyond to create the impression they are a couple- even if coincidentally. It's the same way they dismiss the desires and experiences of JK- who have time and time again proven that Jimin means more to him than just a brother or friend and yet they keep forcing the bro tag on them. Chileee. In my opinion. Sigh.

It's one thing to disagree with people's opinions, it's another to use dismissive tone and language especially when the other opinion is about issues that real people within the 'community' faces. That can be very insensitive. Know what I mean?

And the fact, people don't understand the difference between opinions curated to pander to followers who just want the good stuff and want to fetishize their OTP without reservations by coming up with bogus theories such as that one of their OTP is a slut and a grinch terrorizing their fantasies; and theories such as that 'a company which has sued a 12yr old child for spreading misinformation but did not sue a shop that owed it's talent a duty to protect his privacy and instead asked the shop to lay low- after issuing a public statement that they were going to sue on behalf of their talent,' that that is a double entendre.

Its occured to me tradshippers worry about their hair and how they look within the shipping community but chileee me my altshippers worry about not getting our ass sued by BigHit for all the things we think is going on within the company. Lol.

The term alternative fact, delusional, delulu, fiction, allegedly and all these other epithets and fine sobriquet that Tradshippers abhor are honestly an altshipper's friend. Chileee.

Jikook is real. That is an alternative fact untill Jikook come out as gay, on their own- if they in fact are. I can't prove it. I simply believe it. I disassociate from anyone who doesn't think that is an alternative fact.

That's not to dismiss the concerns that these people express beneath all the noise- I share some of them as well, especially if I believe it's gonna get me sued. lol.

I worry for people who have been exposed to the normalization of fetishization, objectification and latent homophobia prevalent within tradshipping.

But at the time too, I worry about 'immature" 'impressionable tradshippers' who are new to altshipping or come across my posts in medias res.

I'm still dialoguing with the 'other side' to see how best to resolve this. I'm open to suggestions.

Now can we move on from this topic? I vote more shipping, less hubbub hubbub. Lol.

Oh and as a disclaimer, I'm no expert on anything other than my opinions. I do not speak for the LGBTQ plus community. Everyone has their own unique experiences.

As always, this is just my opinion.

And thank you, Anon for sharing this with me. It's helped a lot. Thanks to everyone that's shed more light on the situation. Think Yall relate better to them than I do. Lol.

Please keep supporting Jikook and think of what it means for them if they really are real. Namaste

Signed,

GOLDY

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

BTS RAPLINE TRIPTYCH PAINTING~

<- So Far Away -> Awakening <- Daydream ->

- - 23ish Hours later and it is complete! - -

Now starts a very long explanation (which I will try to keep as concise & understandable as possible but... well, you know me lol that probably won’t happen lol) as to what the rapline’s solo mixtapes and this triptych means to me...

I’ll start at the beginning, which isn’t the first piece I created (which was J-Hope’s painting), but actually the final piece I made; Suga’s. 

Suga’s mixtape maybe spoke to me, personally, the most out of all of them; the roughness of the tracks, along with the raw and meaningful lyrics are some of the most emotionally charged tracks Bangtan have produced. 

I named Suga’s piece ‘So Far Away’, which is the final track on the album, and one of my personal favourites. Not only is it Suran’s haunting vocals that add a really dream-like feel to the track, but the lyrics really give the concept of a ‘journey’ of self-love (which is a big overall theme of this triptych).

A sense of something in our pasts being so far away from who and where we are now, but also the idea that the place we want to go also seems so far away in the distance... It’s the beginning of a journey, and the beginnings of anything are always difficult. 

The imagery to accompany this is more subtle than the others, since the imagery in the two music videos released during this album (Agust D (title) and Give It To Me) are less about this more ‘melancholic’ theme. So I went with the colour scheme of the music videos (darker greens, turquoises and blues, with bursts of yellow, orange and red as part of the flames and dramatic lighting). I also used the glimpse of a ladder we see in Agust D (ladders are steeped in lots of traditional symbology, and I also wanted something angular and red to contrast nicely with the green background, so I won’t go into too much about that). 

And although the music videos are quite dark, I wanted to keep the light and clouds around the moon (which I’ll get to in a minute) bright. And although I feel like I could have made it a touch darker, I like the overall vibe of the piece, as it doesn’t feel too gloomy.

(Important thing to mention, I didn’t create this triptych to psychoanalyse everything in the Rapline’s mixtapes which may or may not relate to their mental health. This piece is a wholly personal piece, with using my own emotional responses to the mixtapes as a way to look at recovering and learning to love yourself...)

The oversized clothes (with a big focus on the folds of the clothing) was inspired by the Spanish Surrealist artist Remedios Varo, who I only discovered recently but immediately fell in love with her dream-like paintings. In particular, this piece was inspired by the first panel in her own triptych she painted between 1961-62.

This piece (called Toward the Tower) was another starting basis for background styles and colour-schemes, as well as the more stylised (but detailed) figures, clothing and buildings. The piece is Varo’s own commentary on life in a convent, and the ideas of entrapment and freedom (which are continued throughout the triptych). And although this differs greatly from my own triptych, I think the way in which Varo approached the artworks and theme are something I wanted to emulate in my own piece.

Now onto the moon iconography I included. Now, because I initially started with J-Hope, who I made into the Sun was more of an after thought, this idea only really came about because of that. But as soon as I made that choice, I realised how perfect it would be to have Suga be his seemingly ‘opposite’: the moon. 

The moon gets its ‘power’ (so to speak) from the light of the sun, and the gravity that binds it to our planet and allows it to control tides and effect seasons (I think... Look, I don’t pretend to know everything about the moon, ok, I just think she’s beautiful and doing a great job...). So the idea behind this is that in fact to start a journey of self-love or recovery, we often have to look to others for advice and support. (This may be actually seeking out help from a professional, chatting to a friend or family member, or simply discussing your thoughts openly to a diary or something similar...). We need to make an effort to share our burden with ‘others’, even if it is difficult. 

(I don’t pretend to know everything, or anything, about dealing with mental health, by the way. But I do know a bit about learning to love yourself, and dealing with moving on from a rough patch... Basically, I’m only speaking from my personal experiences so please don’t come for me....)

I think Yoongi, along with the Agust D mixtape, fit perfectly with the concept of the moon. A big part of this is the cycles of the moon, and the very nature of change and movement which that encompasses. I went with a full moon in the sky, as it usually indicates the end of the cycle (i.e. the end of your difficult past) and suggests the start of a new one (i.e. the start of a brighter future).

The flames are mainly a crossover from Rm’s piece, although fire is a big theme in Suga’s music videos (and personality in general). Though I will go more into the fire in Rm’s piece...

The final thing I want to talk about for Suga’s part is the lyrics I included on the ribbon. I decided instead of trying to wade through all the songs on each mixtape to find the perfect lyric, I’d instead take the lyrics from their more reason Trivia tracks on the Love Yourself: Answer album. 

Suga’s, which is called Seesaw (and is my personal favourite, I might add), speaks of a kind of ‘seesaw’ battle that exists between himself and someone (or something?) else. I’ll admit, I haven’t looked into the reasoning or real meaning behind the song, but I was drawn to the lyrics: 니가 없는 이 시소 위를 걸어 니가 없던 처음의 그때처럼 (I’m walking on this seesaw without you just like the beginning when you weren’t here). I interpreted this as the ‘you’ representing the version of yourself that you want to be, versus the version of yourself that you are at that point in time... The precariousness of walking on a seesaw and trying to balance public personas and internal monologues is a very poignant theme, even to people like you or me. There’s also a sadness to the lyrics, the idea that the situation feels hopeless, like it was before. It’s a cycle, perhaps, of self-hatred (something we all get into now and again). And, just like on a seesaw, one step in the wrong direction and we can easily fall back into old ways and viewpoints of ourselves...

Primarily, Suga’s piece is a beginning. The beginning to one of the most difficult journeys we take in life; the journey to loving ourselves.

The next piece is actually not Rm, despite his being the central panel. Obviously, the colours and imagery are supposed to flow into each other in the order they are presented, but I decided half way through that it made more sense in terms of my message to have J-Hope’s be the actual ‘second panel’.

So, here is where I’ll talk about the very first piece of this triptych I created; J-Hope and ‘Daydream’. 

The whole idea of creating a triptych for the rapline’s mixtapes came to me as soon as J-Hope had released Hope World. I love the stark contrast between each of the member’s styles, both musically and aesthetically, as well as the way that they all reflect an overall ‘bangtan’ feel. 

And actually out of all the music videos, ‘Daydream’ is probably one of my favourites. The whole vibe, use of colour, editing style, and the way it works seamlessly with the song is basically perfection, and it fits with J-Hope’s personality and music style brilliantly as well. And although the album itself didn’t speak to me as much as the other two member’s had; it still really showcases the talent and diversity of J-Hope’s music ability. 

Right, now to my artwork... So I was obviously inspired heavily by the Daydream music video, both in the aesthetics and symbolism (aka the fish). It also fits perfectly with the surrealist style I was going for. The overall brightness of the mv was perfect for the sense of ‘hope’ I was trying to portray in this piece.

So this was based on the very last panel of Varo’s triptych, which is called ‘The Escape’. 

Much as the title suggests, the final panel is an escape up into the mountains. It suggests a climb away from dark storm clouds into the light. And my own interpretation in my piece was definitely based on this sense of freedom. But to fit with both J-Hope’s mixtape (aka the Blue Side outro track which deserved a full song!!!!!!), my own personal connections and also to fit with the aesthetics of Varo’s piece, I wanted to include the element of blue and the storm clouds. 

The main reason behind this is to reflect the fact that even if someone appears happy on the outside, there’s always a chance something darker and melancholic... This doesn’t undermine or make the happiness you may see or feel any less real, it’s just important to acknowledge that hardships exist and are all a part of life... Going through tough times, having ‘scars’, shows that you have survived!

The lyrics I used from his Trivia: Just Dance reflect this idea too. They translate roughly as ‘my dreams that once had no answer, now become something we can relate to’... Also, the position of Hoseok’s head (which was partly just because I really like the reference image because he look beautiful to be quite honest), looking away as if towards the future, fits with this concept too. 

I think I wanted this piece to mainly be the dream of recovery, the dream version of yourself... The bright sunshine in your life that you hope one day will be reality... Putting it and Suga’s either side of the Rm central piece helps it to reflect the idea of Past - Present - Future. Not necessarily in a chronological sense, but more the way in which they react and connect to eachother. 

The final piece of the series is the central Rm panel, which is also the one with the most symbology. 

I actually did this one as a part of a collab with other artists to celebrate Namjoon’s birthday (it had to the hashtag ‘infinitereasonstolovejoonie’ and it was the cutest thing ever!!!).

Ok so there’s a lot to breakdown with this piece, so I’m going to start first with the reference I used for Rm’s head. I knew I wanted to use something from the Joke music video, because I really loved the straitjacket look coupled with the extreme chiaroscuro used in the mv. Unfortunately, most of the reference images were really bad quality (since they were mostly just screencaps), as well as them being difficult to draw angels, making it all the more of a battle for me to draw... I like that I made him look down, purely because it both contrasts with Suga and J-Hope, and also in the way it suggests both defeat and hope. Defeat, in the way looking down is linked with shame, and hope in the idea that it could almost suggest that Rm is about to look up...

The background also links to these contrasting ideas. The dark blue and stormy clouds, mixed with the flashes of lightening help to create a sense of the phrase of ‘every cloud has a silver lining’. This idea was mainly my own invention, since most of the references (including the music videos and Varo’s paintings) didn’t include lightning. The colourscheme was vaguely inspired by both the Joke music video as well as Varo’s central panel. 

Titled as ‘Embroidering Earths Mantel’, it is probably the piece I took the least inspiration from out of the three. Varo’s piece shows the girls in the convent she had known to be trapped and forced to work, a hooded figure in darker clothes overseeing them... This sense of danger and being unable to escape was the main concept I took away from this... Another thing that I took from this was the use of the yellow in contrast to the dark and stormy sky (which I chose to do flames, which were taken from the Awakening music video).

Speaking of the Awakening mv, I decided to only really use the flames from the aesthetics, but still use the name as the title of the piece. ‘Awakening’, much like Rm’s looking down head, is evocative of moving from one state (being asleep/looking down) to another (being awake/looking up). It’s not awake, it’s not final or definitive. It’s a transitional period. 

Put in the centre of Suga and J-Hope’s pieces, Rm’s represents the ‘present’. A time when you’re working through recovery, or where you’re beginning to learn to love yourself. It’s not an easy or particularly ‘happy’ time, and it often contains a lot of hardships and difficult to decisions. 

I thought this fitted the best with Rm, who is the leader of BTS. He has to carry a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, which I represented literally in my piece with the 6 lightbulbs/microphones that drip onto his shoulders (this imagery was inspired by both the Do You music video, as well as the album cover). Another interpretation, and probably the one I was aiming to be more prominent, was the idea that although being a leader means he is responsible for a lot of the groups public image/etc, the other members aren’t a burden, but instead act as an anchor for his strength... You can almost see the ‘drips’ acting as puppet strings; the other members lifting him up when times get tough.

This links back to the idea of the moon I talked about in Suga’s piece. Although recovery and learning to love yourself, or whatever it is you’re dealing with, can’t be solved immediately just because you have a loving family or friends, having a person you trust to talk to can help you deal with things a lot easily then trying to go it alone... This is probably one of the most difficult things in dealing with mental health struggles, since most of us are really reluctant to ask for help in fear of being an annoyance to others... We always make excuses that our problems, whatever they may be, aren’t worthwhile discussing or talking about since everyone has their own problems and you don’t want to burden them even more...

(And although this is advice that I rarely take myself, I just want to say Your problems are not worthless, you are not a burden to others, and you deserve to be happy!)

The final part of Rm’s piece is the lyrics I chose from his Trivia: Love. 너 땜에 알았어 왜 사람과 사랑이 비슷한 ���리가 나는지 ‘I found out because of you Why “person” (saram) and “love” (sarang) sound similar’. I chose this both because I wanted it to fit with a ‘reason to love joonie’ (i.e. his brilliant lyric writing skills), and also for the way it relates to my own experiences. 

The ‘person’ in my case is less an actual singular being, and more the art community online and the k-pop fandom... So without going into details, the last few years haven’t been the easiest for me, so having the k-pop community to enjoy memes with, listen to and get excited about music with and to be artistically inspired by really helped me get through feeling lonely and down... And although I’ve (luckily) never had any horrific experiences, I know that a lot of people who like k-pop and are a part of community have (or are having them), and having k-pop around has helped them survive the most difficult situations...

I wanted this triptych to both a personal and universal piece, something people can relate to and understand (as well as be able to appreciate on a purely aesthetic level).... 

I hope that everyone who has taken time to read this ridiculously long essay about this piece get’s this sense of inclusion, which is something I truly admire about BTS in particular... 

Just remember, if you’re going through a difficult time, things really will get better! Recovery, Life, Self Love; it’s all a journey that there’s no guidebook to... 

And to quote BTS’s ‘Young Forever’:

~~Dream : Hope : Keep Going : Keep Going~~

Thank you for reading!

[this piece is available on my redbubble btw]

[fregget-frou]

The DAMN poly is t4t and they all hype each other up to combat dysphoria. Just in a circle complementing and assuring each other ther like it’s a competition

Some little blurbs about them:

Huxley is a trans man and transitioned when he was in middle school, his moms were really supportive and helps comfort all of them if they are feeling down. He is good vibes only and makes sure everyone takes their binders off(off they use them), take their testosterone and is just overall the best

Damien is a trans man and will fight any transphobes. He also transitioned earlier in life and his mom helped him the best he can. Is definitely involved in giving trans people more rights in both the empowered and unempowered communities. He can get really dysphoric so everyone in the poly has cuddle sessions where they watch movies to help him with it. Sends reminders to everyone to take their T on their phones

Lasko is transmasc and he only started to recently transition. He uses a binder so his partners make sure he doesn’t have it one too long and he also tries to make sure people respect them in any way he can. If someone’s feeling bad he’ll just talk about things to distract them (personally this is perfect to avoid dysphoric feelings, but it could be different for you). He also makes good tea so during movie nights everyone is even more comfy. He has a bunch of cute bandaids for T shots and they come in a variety of forms(his fav are the dinosaur ones)

Gavin doesn’t have a gender, but still uses he/they pronouns. He’s very open and is a really good pep talker when people need it. He helps with finding good clothes that make everyone feel confident and will glare at anyone who purposely misgender them. He would definitely assure everyone by using pet names and the correct pronouns (ex him just going on rants about how his handsome prince is shining in the morning, my darling is so handsome—) and it makes them all giddy

My freelancer Ben is non-binary and uses he/they pronouns. They wanted to go into fashion before DAMN they know know how to style everyone to make sure they don’t get dysphoric and does know how to do makeup well enough to make people look more masculine or just good about themselves. He’s amab so he doesn’t have to take T, but makes sure everyone’s preferred method is sorted and labeled well and easily found. He also keeps special bandaids and likes them to have a monthly theme

trans huxley trans huxley trans huxley trans huxley trans huxley

[kananigaia]

here’s the thing:

For awhile, I’ve been struggling to find the words but I think I’ve finally got it...which this isn’t backed up w concrete evidence, this is just my grasp on all these thoughts/feelings and what i’ve heard from others as well...

so listen:

This society has put us in a world/mindset that today is NOT today. Rather today is all your mistakes from the past, every responsibilty/title placed above your head, all the worries about the future, millions of thoughts that keep you from living today. In the now.

And the now...is very important.

You know those moments where you feel the most alive because you aren’t thinking about anything but what you are experiencing? Those are what We are suppose to live for.

That’s the now. That’s you, consciously enjoying what you are experiencing at that very moment to the fullest extent. That’s what this society has boxed us in, to hardly experiencing so we believe it’s JUST a feeling. When in reality, that’s actually Our eternity. Because in Our reality, there is no time, there is no physical body, only energy - a constant feeling.

Remember, perception is everything.

For we believe that we are bodies with souls, rather than souls with bodies. We have become too attached to the ego/physical and have forgotten about the spiritual/emotional. Our core. Our Essence...Our Purpose.

Which I’m sure you’re asking what that possibly could be??!

And to simply put it... Love.

Easier said than done. As ya’ll can tell we lacking in this department as well as compassion and empathy at the moment and have been for awhile. But I don’t blame us. Again, we have just been souls playing roles for quite sometime making it hard to remember that...you see in our minds, we have been asleep but it’s time we wake tf up, spiritually.

How tho right??!

In Our world, there is a light and there is a dark within everyone, some more than others on particular sides, I’m sure. And through this world we have lived through different lives that had either or both, to personally experience and gain an understanding from that view. As well as learn particular lessons throughout each journey to grow. This is to integrate between the light and dark aka Ying-Yang which essentially is our “spirits” end goal —> Polarity Integration.

There is even people in your life who can play these roles to show you the different point of view. My girlfriend and I were talking and I was telling her how my ex had bad anxiety and thought a complete opposite way than i did, and now that we aren’t together it’s like my life has flipped upside down and now I am an anxiety ball and it was weird at first but now i acknowledge it as a different perspective that i appreciate her for. My girlfriend said the same thing happened with her, just with a different trait that she picked up from her ex and said, “it’s like we got the aspect that we mostly hated/couldn’t understand/were scared of..” and I’m not sure why but that makes beautiful and scary sense and reminds me of a tweet I saw from Kehlani stating,

“the sooner we realize we are just reflections of eachother the sooner we possess compassion. there is no separation.”

We are here not to judge one another or ourselves, but to learn and thrive together. This is why you must let go of your past-selves. That is how we remember! IT’S TIME FOLKS.

Let go of the ego, so you begin to understand why Now is so important. Our eternity..

I hope this reaches someone out there who was a little lost so they can understand a little deeper just how important every soul is on this Earth, especially themselves and I hope you find it in yourself to seek the Truth. Literally question everything but don’t get sucked into a rabbit (no point because no one will ever truly know anyways lol). Just remember to live this moment to the fullest, love every soul you come in contact with as well as influence them to be the highest energy they can be, and simply understand that everything surrounding you is One.

[sorikkung]

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ soft bias tag

stolen not tagged bc im a fucking pleb who doesnt get tagged in shit ripppp LONG POST WARNING IM SORRY MOBILE USERS

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. WHO IS YOUR BIAS?

i really can’t choose between got7′s bambam and stray kids’ felix bc both are my ults so fuck the system i’m gonna do this as a poly au bc the world needs more poly shit and felix and bambam would be such a good pair

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. WHAT MADE YOU NOTICE THEM?

i noticed bambam first, technically i first glanced him in girls girls girls bc i was anime trash before i was kpop trash and he rEALLY looked like nishinoya from haikyuu so i called him nishinoya and thought he’d just be a first glance bias, until i saw a compilation of got7s dumbest moments and most of them were jackbam and i saw two specific clips that i recall, the one where they had to do the ugly dance of gggs outside the jyp building and bambam literally spazzed on the floor?? and the iconic how do you know im not big moment. i looked at him and went “tHAT ONE. THAT ONE, I WANT THE TRASH CHILD.” been in love ever since.

felix singlehandedly got me to stan stray kids, i first glanced changbin in hellevator then highkey forgot abt them as the show aired. then my friend sent me this clip of felix’s verse in grr from the live stage bc at this point the album hadnt even dropped yet. i was shook to the next dimension from his deep ass voice and his growling and i wanted to hear more so i watched the show and only fell in love with him more.

i betcha if this poly were to happen felix would see bambam dabbing and go “OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE STILL DABBING IN 2K18″ and bambam would see felix dabbing and be like “OMG HES CONTINUING MY LEGACY” and they’d hit it off from there

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM?

for both of them, i love how they’re both absolute crackheads. like they’re actually so stupid and what the fuck is going through their heads???? they make me smile like and idiot and laugh like no other so of course i love them. plus they have this adorable sweet side to them apart from them being memes and its so heartwarming to see that soft side come out, it makes them so much more of a three dimensional character cause there’s all these sides to them and they’re like so hardworking too and did i mention handsome? plus their love for their members ugh i could go on!!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. WHO WOULD INITIATE SKINSHIP MORE?

tough call bc im a HOE for affection and skinship but id honestly be too afraid to make them uncomfortable/be too clingy that they’d get annoyed at me so at first it would probably be felix bc lets be real. he comes from stray kids. have you seen bang chan? they bring skinship to a new level. once we all get settled in tho, i bet the three of us would be physically inseperable.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. WHO WOULD HOG BLANKETS MORE?

literally all of us. i always end up biasing ppl similar to me sigh we’d be so fucking wild. i betcha that would be the one thing we have regular fights over. who hogged the blanket this time???

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. WHO WOULD BE MORE CLINGY?

felix. as mentioned in the initiate skinship, hes really clingy. then it would be me bc i am too. but thats not to say bambam isnt clingy, he’d be super clingy too but me and felix would bring it up a notch.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. WHO WOULD SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST?

m e. i’d just let it slip out after they do some dumb shit and id just go “wow youre such a fucking dumb dork i actually love you” and then have an o shit moment.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 8. WHO WOULD BE MORE EASILY FLUSTERED?

M E bc bambam is a smOOTH motherfucker and felix is an affectionate motherfucker and i am w e a k although i feel like they’d be easily flustered if they were teased, which i would do, but i think i’d be flustered the most.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. WHAT CUDDLING POSITION WOULD YOU TWO HAVE?

i wanna be sandwiched inbetween them bc im shorter than both of them lmaoo. but i bet we’d all bicker of who’s turn it is to be in the middle. another one would be when sitting on the couch, and we’d sit in eachothers laps in height order. itll work somehow.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. WHICH COLORS REMIND YOU OF THEM AND WHY?

bambam makes me think of black, white, red, and purple. black and white is bc his fashion sense is like modern and chic and those were also his most iconic hair colours. red because of his signature eyeshadow. purple just seems like a colour that would suit him, it’s royal and elegant but also homey and familiar?? but tbh he can make any colour his bitch.

felix is yellow, gold, orange, and brown, bc theyre warm colours like him!! the brighter colours are bc hes bright like the sun and the browns when its a more chill day, and its all down to earth and just feels like home.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. WHICH SEASON WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND WITH THEM?

ooft tough one...spring so i can spend my birthday with them (cause in AUSTRALIA spring is in september to november) and its cold at the start so we can have snuggle dates, and its hot at the end so we can go to beaches and have water fights and stuff!! and in the middle its perfect weather for nice strolls.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. WHO WOULD BAKE THE COOKIES AND WHO WOULD STEAL THE BATTER?

bambam can cook apparently and he likes being aesthetic af so he’d be trying his best to make the most bomb ass cookies, and then felix i bet is a disaster in the kitchen so i bet both of us will be stealing the batter while not helping at all and bams will be like “thanks for nothing you guys” and once realising that we weren’t gonna stop he’d turn on us and throw flour at us or something. foodfight!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD MAKE BAD PUNS AND HOW WOULD THE OTHER REACT?

i am a hoe for bad puns it would totally be me all the time. bambam would look so disappointed in me and felix would just burst out laughing with me, and bambam would crack bc how can he stay mad?? if it was an inside joke or a reference to smth and not some random pun, bams would be the first to lose it tho.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. WHO WOULD WANT TO ADOPT 50 DOGS AND CATS?

me and bambam!!!! bambam already has like 3 cats and id be like ok lets get three MORE and MORE and felix is like “but im a dog person :(((” (at a fansign he said he was rip) so id be like well dogs are great as well lets get fifty of those too!!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD NEARLY BURN DOWN THE KITCHEN TRYING TO MICROWAVE A POP TART AND WHO WOULD COME TO THE RESCUE?

i wouldn’t be fucked microwaving poptarts (although id probably burn down the kitchen trying to cook eggs or smth but this is about poptarts so its not be this time.) so it would probably be felix and then i’d come to the rescue bc i have fire safety training from scouts.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. WHO LIKES TO LEAN OVER TALL RAILINGS AND WHO PULLS THEM BACK?

bambam and i would lean over the tall railings and felix would pull us back bc as seen in the amusement park episode of the 9th, hes a pussy lmfAO he’d have a mini heart attack

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. WHAT WOULD WATCHING A HORROR FILM WITH THEM BE LIKE?

bambam would act all tough and felix would be like “o shit pls no” and both of them would scream at the jumpscares and cling to eachother or me, whoever’s closest. i’d probably sit there and laugh and tease them for being a baby bc horror movies aint shit with me. but the rare occassion i do get scared, i’d lose my shit and they’d never let me hear the end of it. “whos the baby now huh??”

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. WHO WOULD BE THE CHEESY FLIRT AND WHO WOULD BE THE SMOOTH FLIRT?

bambam is definitely the smooth flirt but he can be cheesy as well?? like he’d be smooth at times and smooth and cheesy other times. felix would be plain cheesy but sometimes he’d be smooth. same with me, i’d be a bit of both?? maybe slightly more smooth idk

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 20. WHO IS MORE COMPETITIVE? felix i feel like would be competitive in the moment but calms down quickly, bambam would be SUPER competitive and be a little petty afterwards if he lost or smug af if he won but after a while he’ll cool down as well, i’m probably the most competitive and most likely to hold a grudge or to rub it in their faces the longest lol.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. WHO WOULD HAVE TO BE GIVEN CONSTANT REMINDERS? (REMEMBER TO EAT, DON’T FORGET YOUR KEYS, ETC) idk...? all of us love to eat so i dont think taking care of ourselves will be forgotten, but i tend to lose things so maybe me being reminded idk???

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 22. WHO SENDS MEMES AND WHO SENDS CUTE ‘I MISS YOU’ TEXTS AT 3AM?

ALL OF US! we’d have a group chat and see who could stay up until 4:20 to send dumb memes but if we get too tired earlier we’d sign out with some sappy message idk it would be a total wildcard whether the late night messages would be cute and sweet or straight up memes. i feel like a lot of the time it would be both, like starting off with some cute thing and ending it anticlimactically with a meme bc we’re dorks like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

did i ever tell u poly!bamlix is all i ever needed in life??? thank you for your time i tag @just-oneofthegays and @neo-urban annd @bqngtqn <3

[pokefanbri]

I'm just gonna say this now.

Whether this Rinder character from my twitch streams is a random a**hole, leave me be I have been nothing but nice til u weren't. Maybe Im too naive or confused enough to not tell the difference anymore who is who & most guys act the same anyway, & can't take the hint to buzz off id rather get to know in person so I know who im dealing with. More trouble than its worth I don't want to get to know anybody close rn unless I chose to..but if a gentleman wants to pursue sure take a shot lmk you may be surprised by my answer, or more than likely politely turned down no hard feelings.

But if a certain somebody I know possibly wound up under this name..it only made matters worse, great job very cute & clever 👏 I loved it for a time til things went to shit but plz dont. common decency & moral compass type thing. If you really do care about me & wanted to spend time I guess I understand but go through the proper channels for communication & speak to me be honest thats all I ever want, it was the wrong move. I dont to deserve to be pulled around either way, stop knock it off 😔we're just hurting ourselves more & hasn't made anything better between us. I know I shouldn't take you seriously sometimes cuz yea u like being a dick & too hard on me I guess idk, sometimes it's whatever & u don't really mean it, I can deal with ur shit remember. I know u don't hate me or think I'm boring but theres things that u you've said to me before so it has me always thinking maybe it is u, & if u did mean it well I guess that's where we stand & I definitely deserve better, & ill go.

I need a good man in my life that has loyalty dignity & respect somewhere in his vains that gives me the attention love & affection I could ever need. A fuckin King to worship. Im a queen that's been more like cinderella most her life always treated like crap by those closest to her, who cares if im underestimated, unappreciated, misunderstood, disrespected, devalued, i damn well do that shit hurts... I know my worth im strong & independent, kind & gentle maybe a lil rough around the edges but definitely not fragile.

The more things are messed up the more it gets harder to forgive & being spiteful & putting me down really really hurts from somebody I love. I won't allow myself to be bullied or cry over somebody cuz they want me to ive changed so much & I even deal with shitty customers all the time to where im almost numb to somebody being a jerk. You recieve what you put out negative or positive. If you don't want to be with me & if its what you really want then I have no choice but to move on. But if you really want to give us another fighting chance & it wasn't just all say before on our anniversary, then im here & I will wait for a lil while longer & maybe we can actually come together & celebrate the right way. Keeping in resentment wont do any good except fester & destroy within, we have to forgive ourselves & eachother. Do right by me by us, Talk to me..really talk to me I'm all ears. I just want to be able to be myself & if I do see u again can we put the bad behind us, not fight, & have a nice wholesome reunion. Because I really do fucking miss you, so damn much & I don't want there to be negative tension between us. I know you are strong & brave but ill be ur rock if u cannot. Ive always had your back, but could you please have mine if its not too much to ask. You came into my life and we started a great story between us but I feel there's much more to it, so much left undone & unsaid to accomplish we can't let ourselves be full of hate for eachother in any means, let's not lose ourselves in this battle babe. The ball is in your court, its your move. I am your friend first & here if you need me, please know I am here for you, I don't want to lose somebody so dear to me. You brought me so much joy, & yes sorrow..cuz they wouldn't be a hassle if they weren't worth it, if they didn't mean something to your life. They came into your life for a reason, But give a reason for the suffering or it would just all be for nothing right? It just can't be for nothing.

If any or my words help at all & if u even care to read. I hope that from wherever we are I can somehow give you strength & light from right here. Everything I say comes from the heart.

And even if we must part ways babe please know that I only want you to be happy,keep fighting my love

I pray that you aren't rinder, & he was just a jerkface, but if you were at least I know the jerk behind the face 😉lol ❤ doesn't matter anymore, my mind trying to make sense of everything it's another puzzle I don't feel like putting together

[psychstrology]

Gemini Strengths & Struggles

Based off my previous posts about my love for creation but struggling with commitment to finish, I had an idea about helping eachother out. Well, actually, helping other Geminis’ was my initial goal in creating this blog... I wanted to build a safe community for the Gems. If you read my description, which I haven't changed since, it’s the foundation of the blog haha. It kind of lost its way, of course lol but bringing it back with this post... In helping each other out, I would like to asks all of Team Gemini, are there any statements or questions you all would like to contribute about Geminis’ strengths and struggles and why you consider them as that and what your personal perception/experience is/was? I want to see how Geminis perceive things, if you had issues with certain things, and how you managed to solve the problem. I want it to be an open and safe environment for everyone to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences about certain issues. I’m highly positive we will all relate and be helping eachother out greatly by sharing our obstacles and overcoming them, giving us all a new, fresh perspective that we can carry out in our lives. 

Some Gemini traits you can touch on that can either be strengths or struggles are: thoughts, ideas, communication, knowledge, intellect, curious, creativity, energy, outgoing/friendliness, versatile, variety, indecisive, reliability, commitment, moody, etc. 

If you all can share and reblog, hopefully we’ll be able to reach across many Geminis that can relate and maybe even spark a Geminis’ interest in astrology! :D 

I want to set an example so I’m going to choose a topic on creativity. I want to be optimistic so I want to expand on how Gemini energy has an incredible incredible strength in creativity. Creativity is Geminis’ strength because we have the mind that can envision the infinite possibilities and that speaks volume. While some people are close-minded, we see every angle. Ideas, new ideas, innovation, it’s our niche. We can express ourselves in a unique way, our internal soul is expressed externally and it’s such a relieving and free feeling. Best of all, we live in the present. We thrive when we create, we have that natural, focused energy that drives us and that’s the true meaning of living in the present. We feel like ourselves when we’re creating, it’s our nature, it’s where we belong. 

Personally, when I create, my intuition is at it’s strongest and that’s the best feeling I get because I’m usually resistant and with creating, I’m not. I have issues in believing in myself but when I create, I don’t have to question if it’s good enough because I just know it is. This is my true strength, though I sometimes have trouble with it, I just have to remember my end vision and let my natural energy and excitement work its course. 

Quick story time: Creativity has always been a part of my life, I loved kindergarten and arts and crafts time, when I look back at my elementary years, I remember the best, happiest times consisted of doing art or creating something fun. In kindergarten they asked you who you want to be, I clearly remember saying I wanted to be an artist and drawing out an artist with the hat, easel, paintbrushes and making it super colorful, ironically, my drawing was funny-looking haha. This is a true Gemini energy that manifested within me, when I was young and had no influence in telling me who and what I should be, it was the real, raw and purest me. Sometimes, we have to remember to go back to those days and remember what set our soul on fire. 

I also wanted to be an architect, engineer, and graphic/interior designer. Creation is such an indescribable concept. But now, majoring in Psychology, I’ll be (a part of) creating peoples’ lives.

*Again, if you all can share and reblog (you can delete my parts, it’s such a long post), hopefully we’ll be able to reach across many Geminis that can relate and maybe even spark a Geminis’ interest in astrology! :D

Maybe in the future, if there’s enough suggestions, I’ll start a YouTube channel to discuss Team Geminis’ contribution/suggestions to this topic. 

My apologies if my writing doesn't make much sense, I don’t organize it much and just flow most of the time, plus I’m getting sleepy. Thank you for reading, I hope you have a blessed day! With lots of love, always! 

[herm0so-carin0]

A little bit about my love life. I’ve had 3 major loves in my life. The rest were just experiences. My first love, was the guy i lost my virginity to at age 13. I know it’s ridiculous but we loved eachother and we thought we were meant to be together forever because there’s this one video tape of a birthday party when we were kids and we come out together the whole entire film, then there’s a part where he’s looking for me and asking everyone where I’m at cause he has a piece of cake for me. Even though i don’t love this guy anymore, because he was too stupid to appreciate my love when he had it; I’m always going to care for him. He was my first heartbreak, and to this day he tries haunting me by saying we’re meant for eachother. Like yes but no, we were meant to be each others first love but that’s it. He was my best friend and now he’s just this guy who’s heart i keep breaking every time i have to tell him I’m never going to love him again.

2nd lover.

This guy fucked me up so badly. He was my platonic love ever since i dumped the first guy. Lmfao. He was older than me. And i loved everything about him he drove me fucking nuts. I fought for this motherfucker so much. I finally got him and we got engaged. We were in love i guess, or maybe just in love with our bond. Cause we really did have an amazing bond, we loved each other because we made eachother feel good about ourselves. Then he showed me his true colors, he showed me how selfish he was. And me being me, i just couldn’t be with a man who only thought about himself half the time. Then of course i started being a piece of shit to him too. So i ended it. I ended it all not caring about the almost fully planned wedding and i didn’t give a fuck about what our families would say. I care for him i really do, but he was an asshole. He turned me into a bitch. We just weren’t meant to be. Leaving him was easy. Like super easy. I never thought about him again. Ok moving on.

3rd lover.

This motherfucker is who i think I’m supposed to be with for life. We’re perfect for eachother. We help eachother, we learn from eachother, we love each other and we laugh together like all the fucking time. I feel like he hasn’t had much experience in love the way i have. I feel like he doesn’t know his heart or what his feelings mean. Well atleast at the beginning. I’m always lecturing him and helping him to get to know his soul more, and hes such a good student. He’s a mess but I’m a fucking tornado so it’s okay. I’m just wiser in a sense because I’ve been through more in life. Not just referring to love but like real life pain and real issues that helped me grow stronger and wiser. I’m sure he’s had his fair share of life lessons, but this guy doesn’t let himself feel pain, so i feel like he never really learns because of this. He’s a lil hard headed. But I CAN FIX THAT. in my (dude from that holes movie voice). Ok so me and dude bond. Like deeper than deep. It’s unexplainable, our souls are made of like the same atoms or some shit. A lot of the times that we’re having a conversation we literally finish eachothers sentences or like we’ll find ourselves thinking about the same random ass thing at the same time. He’s called me a witch multiple times because of this. Maybe i do have a sixth sense because my grandmother was a witch. Anyways, lol. I’ve never given a fuck about anyone i ever dated the way i care about him. And we’ve only been together for 5 months. No I’m not crazy for feeling cause i know what i feel. I know my love is requited. I can see it in his every action and especially in the way he looks deep into my eyes. He left me once, well i pushed him away actually, and he came back in 4 days. He said “never in my life had i ever had trouble leaving anyone, but i couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” And like i felt the same lmao i was going through hell. And i guess that’s gotta mean something. 2 months into us dating he said to me “ i love what we have. It’s so pure.” And it’s fucking true. We can be ourselves around each other. And i just love him more and more each day. This man is a real one. FINALLY. I finally found the type of love my heart has always yearned for. God please help me!!

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Aww, thank you for tagging me @misteria247​!❤️ You’re too sweet and should be kinder to yourself! This is a nice idea, thanks again for the tag!

I like that I am pretty much an empath...when other people are feeling a certain way, I feel their emotions as if they’re my own. And I try my best to always put myself in other’s shoes and understand how they’re feeling even if I disagree.

I guess it’s along the same lines as #1 (this is harder than I thought lol), but I like that I’m usually pretty thoughtful/aware of how people might feel when they’re at my house or I’m hosting a party or something. I try to make sure everyone is comfortable, such as buying my friend’s favorite snacks when they come over or even things like creating a playlist that everyone will enjoy...idk it’s kind of hard to put into words I guess, I hope that makes sense.

I like that I’m not overly reactive and I almost never take my frustration out on other people. It takes a lot to even make me angry, and when I am I generally don’t snap at people. Also when something bad happens, I try to be patient and think it through and see how bad the situation really is before having a complete meltdown. Of course sometimes that doesn’t happen, but usually I try to keep a level head/go with the flow as much as possible. Which is funny considering I have several anxiety disorders so I’m constantly anxious about everything lol...but I guess that’s one of my coping mechanisms. Is to not feel like the world is ending if something small goes wrong.

Uhhh...shit this is getting harder hahaha...I like the fact that I’m not really afraid to follow my dreams. My family was always very supportive of me drawing as I grew up so I’ve always felt like I can do almost anything I set my mind to. And applies to kind of random stuff too. My husband and I bought our house a few years ago as a foreclosure and completely renovated it head to toe, doing most of the work ourselves. I wouldn’t have even thought of that as something I could do before, but all it took was one conversation with my husband to be like “yeah fuck it, let’s do it!” Now we plan to design/build our own house from scratch at some point down the road. I kind of have the attitude of, ‘I’m capable of figuring out how to do this’ even if it’s a really big/overwhelming prospect.

Hmmm...I don’t even know what to put for the last one. I guess that I’m a mix of “left brain” and “right brain” traits? I’m overall a creative person...always been into art, went to school for graphic design, etc. But I also have some of my dad’s engineer/logical side. Even when I do creative things I feel like I approach it in a logical/methodical kind of way if that makes sense? Sometimes it’s kind of a bad thing, for instance I’m pretty much incapable of drawing from my mind without using tons of references. But idk I guess it’s something unique/rarer about me that I kind of like? Idk lol it’s hard to explain.

Oh man...sorry everyone...as per usual I’m incapable of answering questions without writing a goddamn novel lol. I can’t help it, I’m such an overexplainer😆

This was a nice practice though! I’m used to always focusing on the things I want to change about myself, so it was good to focus on the positives for a change.

I tag:

@born-for-eachother​  @superpixie42​  @goshinote​  @lunarkitsune​  @magnoliajades​  @inukag​  @iinuyashas​  @redflamesofpassion​ @elsakey​

I have so many more lovely followers that I’d love to pass this along to, but I’ll leave it at that for now! Feel free to ignore if you don’t want to do it, no pressure at all! 

Also feel free to start a new post or remove my responses since they’re long af lol 😂

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favorite followers. SPREAD POSITIVITY! 💌🥰

AHHHHHH-! I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS-!

Okay so uh.....I'm not very good at thinking of things that I like about myself so......my list will suck, sorry about that! Anyways let's do this!!!

Hmm......I like that I can write somewhat.

Uh......I like that I'm chill....somewhat. (????)

I like that I'm kinda funny....

I like that I can read.

I like my eyes I guess.

That's about all I can think of I'm sorry-

Anyways thank you for this! I really appreciate it!! Now for my tagging list! Remember if you don't wanna do this just feel free to ignore it!!!!

@selenecrown @beth-bethar00 @lostinfantasyworlds @notquitebunnie @0-miles-away @tmngoose @donnies--jacket @mangovalkyrie @pinkweirdsunsets

That's all I've got so far!!!! Sorry that I don't have a bigger list!!! Anyways thank you again for this!!! 💖💖💖💖

[riotqueenlarry-blog]

Larry/Louis/Dan Rant

Fucking Dan Wootton. Lets talk about that. (DISCLAMER: I CANNOT TALK FOR ALL DIRECTIONERS OR LARRIES!) Dan Wootton interviewed Louis and the first question (I think) was can you clear up the Larry controversy. More like can you get these larries off of our backs. First lets address the fact that larries are discussed like they still don't love 1D and still dont love all of the boys. Not all of us are bad and not every little thing is Larry to us (I can only speak for some of us tho, I admit that). People address us like we aren't directioners, when we clearly are or we wouldn't be so "obsessed" with our Larry "organization". And its not like larries are larries just to be fucked over again and again. We are larries because we have proof. I think the only way I'll ever believe Larry is not real is if they can explain every Larry moment in a friendly, brotherly way. Not all of us spam Louis' and Harry's pictures and tweets with "Larry is real" because we know thats fucked up. I think that covers (somewhat) of how larries are treated sometimes in the fandom. The question Dan asked was very unprofessional and had no bussiness with his music, or any of the other playful questions. It was basically, "Here's drama, deal with it." Dan had no right to ask that. What was Louis supposed to fucking say? Yes? If you think Louis could come out why the fuck would he do it on your show and not on his own terms? Louis answers with something along the lines of, "Wow, never been asked so directly before." Which is not true. He's been asked by other interviewers and fans from the fetus days (where him and Harry would happily reply that they are dating or even engaged). He goes on to say, "People can believe what they want, etc." Which is true. We can believe whatever we want but its hardly a belief when almost all of the boys have either confirmed it, albiet it subtly, or hinted at it being true. And, I don't want to talk about "Larry moments" or "Larry Proof" because not all Larry moments have context. But there are SO MANY MOMENTS where it is blatantly obvious that there is no other explanation. Does anyone else remember that time when the boys were doing an interview and talking and one of the interviewers say something along the lines of, "Who has a girlfriend?" And Harry outright says something like, "Or boyfriend. You never know." (Check Freddieismyqueen youtube channel for details) And either their management or the interviewer says, "Guess we'll have to delete that now." Why? If its just a controversy it shouldn't matter. Because if a rumor doesn't go away it isn't a rumor (Elton John lol). They know that larries aren't dumb enough to buy this. They know we see proof, so Louis saying "Believe whatever you want" he's basically saying there's no stopping us because maybe we already know. He then says, in the interview, which outright pissed me off, "I think it comes off a bit disrespectful--"... what? Like I've been saying I KNOW that some larries go way to far, but he honestly cannot believe for one second that all of us are out to hurt him. There is absolutely no way. Why would all of us be out to hurt the man we want to be happy, just by being himself? He says more, "--a bit disrespectful to the ones I love, like Elenour." Many things odd about this. First off, how is assuming you are gay with factual evidence disrespectful at all? Really think about what he says here. He is saying that a fandom saying he is gay is disrespectful. Why? Louis says all the time he supports the LGBT+ community. So someone who has proof of a gay relationship and they are prominent you are in one, thats disrespectful? I'm not saying larries do not take things way out of control, like harrassing and threatening El, because some do, but me and many others like her as a person. But thats not what I think the point he got across is. Many Elenour shippers think just because we assume Louis is in a gay relationship that is destroying him. That is not true. What hurts him and other larries are larries that are not trying to help Louis, but try to hurt him and the Larry "controversy". Larries that comment under every pic he uploads or every tweet he shares. But that is assuming all larries are like that, and we are not. What he says is not true, that assuming he is in a gay relationship, because there is pretry damning evidence, is hurting him. If Harry was a girl and Louis was a boy (or vice versa) and they were still in the band it would still be "controversial". It just wouldn't be as frowned upon. It isnt the "theory" thats hurting them. Second of all, he says he loves Elenour. Ok? A man and a women can love eachother as friends. And Im not saying that they are friends because the reason he has a "girlfriend" is because (from what the "theory" states) people assume he is in a gay relationship. So he needs a beard to make sure everyone knows he is "straight". But he obviously spends a lot of time with her, he would grow a bond, whether it be as friends or just because she is his beard. And he obviously stayed in touch with her after their first "break up". I don't doubt he loves her, but I doubt he loves her the way everyone thinks he does. And, I will not assume every Elenour shipper is like this, but after the interview a lot of Elenour shippers were outright harrassing and threatening larries for defending ourselves. We NEVER asked Dan to ask Louis about Larry. After that whole thing he says something like, "If you google anything about conspiracy theories you're going to get one." Thats true, so why do you think so many people believe in the Illuminati? Because there is proof to back up their "theory". I don't want to go into specific Larry moments but there are a SHIT TON. Look up top Larry moments on youtube. There are so many. Why? Because Larry gave them to us! We didn't force Louis and Harry to say gay shit to each other. They did it themselves. He says that like larries decided one day we were going to waste our life on this relationship that makes no sense what so ever and that we are completely insane. How? Like I said, I'll believe Louis when he and Harry sit down and watch every Larry moment and explain it to me like bros. He then says, "People love to buy into it." What the fuck do we benifit from you dating Harry? You being happy is good enough for us. We wouldn't care who you were with as long as it wasn't blatantly fucking obvious you aren't happy. He finishes the interview with, and I actually quoted this, "Obviously there's no truth to it, obviously." THE WHOLE BAND HAS BASICALLY CONFIRMED IT! And there are so many other factors! This part makes me genuinely laugh. He and Harry have said, straight faced, in fetus times, they are dating and/or engaged. Multiple times. Does Louis and his team honestly think we are sitting here on nothing? I don't think they're that stupid. All in all, this interview is fucking trash for this question but Louis really great and Larry or not, we are still proud of him. I hate being pissed over this, because we really have no clue what going on in Louis head. But at a certain point we have to stick up for ourselves. We are getting attacked over a question we didn't even want to be asked.

[sheerhope]

extended diary thing / holy lucky streak batman

if you dont wanna hear about my bitchass personal life and you wanna continue thinking i have a good girl persona and dont have wild sex scroll past this for more joji and aesthetics ty

ladies and gents these past couple of weeks have been goddamn magical. i can’t describe it any other way. we need to count the blessings god have given us up untill this point in life bc frankly idk if i can keep track anymore

seeing people i thought i would never see: a domino effect of blessings:

alright so britbong crush who i mentioned in previous posts (if youre reading this: hi lmao) says hes gonna be a speaker at this tech thing. super dope and i’m supportive but also like “dude we’re gonna be in the same country but opposite sides smh” SO i tell my homegirl mikayla about this and shes like “no youre going you apply for scholarships and get there” and i’m like “fat chance also plane ticket and hotels” and shes like “idk do it anyways”. so i do that, apply for this scholarship, get in , room with my other homegirl fiona, and get my flight crowdfunded. how the hell this all fell into place perfectly i will never know but i thank god and also those gofundme-ers. yall make dreams come true.

thats only part one of this several-part story, comrades.

it was everything i imagined and more. i hung out with him. i talked with him, held hands with him, sang and rapped with him, hacked with him, played ping pong with him, ran all around the city and showed him the cutesy touristy things. also wild wild sex. never ever will forget that lmao. but yeah. thats just the TLDR. 

day one was awk bc we were just getting to know our IRL selves but i think the peak was probably ping pong. just being a goofball with him and networking. he also held my hand in the lyft back to french montanas unforgettable and i wont forget that. okay lol

day two i actually got some damn sense and ditched the heels and wore flats. also lyfted instead of a 30 minute walk to the piers. rest of the day was hacking on this project we were working of there (cant name it bc it would prolly give away the conf and his name and im not gonna do that bc opsec af). i went to go drop off stuff at his place after. i’ll keep it SFW and simple by saying we ended up being late to a party last nigh bc we were too busy in his room lmao. that freaked me the fuck out tho bc he was on some “i just wanna be friends and see how this goes” bs and i was like “ehhhh do i really wanna hookup or just be straight up and say i don’t want anything but us for real”. ranted to some female friends about this at a party but by the time i was back at his place he was cool with making it legitimate. and i was over the moon.

day three my dude. (he got his first in&out!!!) we went to apple and cuddled on caltrain and swapped music. (i finally got my odwalla lmao) and then me and my fam went out to stanford to my long lost sister from the other coast. we left and took the train back and i shit you not there were fireworks out the window. bitch if this isnt a chickflick i don’t know what it is. then and i took my stuff from fi’s place to his place for uh... obvious reasons lmao. <insert lewd activities> i swear we tried to watch tv tho.

day four we coordinated outfits omg. idec if i sound cocky for a moment but i had the cutest ass outfit it was like a flowery dress and denim blouse okay ANYWAYS he looked amazing and like the only guy in the world to me and yeah lol <insert montage of running around doing touristy shit and looking badass. lombard, golden gate, ghiradelli, etc.>. i also tried boba for the first time which was cool. i got my sushirito and he got his frosted lemonade. we made it FB official then ran off to caltrain to show him google. imagine a cute ass couple riding around on google bikes and taking pics everywhere. that was us lol. we also had to call 911 on these people fighting but we’re gonna ignore that lmao. best night once we got back though. we had m&ms and white wine and watched video game reviews on youtube and cuddled. it was the most romantic thing ever. can’t even describe it, but i’ll never forget that moment. it was a perfect blend of #adulting but also just being childish and ourselves around eachother

day five worst day but it still was a damn good day bc i got to spend it with him. in&out for breakfast, saw sea lions, then went our separate ways for flights. we went to bart together before splitting off  and i hugged him tight before he left and he comforted me saying he’d see me again,  but when he got on his train and it left i legit started crying because i thought “damn this is it, i’m not going to see him again forever” which i know now is bs but like, its still a long time yknow?

overall 11/10 trip, makes me smile and tear up thinking about it. legit it was like a fairytale or movie or chickflick, every goofy moment too. (inb4 i go total white chick mode)

Other shit thats dope but not quite as dope as that:

new kitten named boots. hes p dope. 

new job at summer camp in a week or so. also dope. scared bc uncertainty but who knows, could be better than expected. 

startup got our app on the app store. i’d link but opsec. 

maybe will snag a gig for the fall but idk yet.

but yeah life has been good to me. too good. new tech, new bf, new cat, new job, new success. I thank God honestly, this luck streak is too abnormal to be anything but that.