#we are much more attached to reality now ofc

[cherrysnax]

I don’t fear getting older, but I sure as hell don’t want to grow up

[pettypiastri]

the webs we spin

coho!jack hughes x fem reader

wc: 6.9K

warnings: swearing, drinking, alcohol, drunkenness, partial nudity, sexual innuendo/references, moderate NSFW scene (involves: degradation, dom/sub, name calling, taunting), fwb

a/n: this was inspired by the visuals/vibe in a (I THINK?) luke blurb where reader comes to get luke hughes when hes drunk (I THINK?) and i cannot remember for the life of me who wrote it though i will scour for it and give credit where its due! (EDIT: its this johnny beecher blurb from the incredibly talented @lucafantilli pls go check it out and her writing in general!) this is obviously a college AU of current devils at the university of michigan so miles= miles wood, dawson= dawson mercer, john= john marino, and nico= nico hischier ofc ofc. the game referenced is actually from a wisco game from two seasons ago just a diff opponent lmao.

its a bit different than my normal/preferred writing style/voice but hopefully its still good! 🤞 enjoy!

italics are flashbacks

Y/N POV

Chaos is not how you choose to start your morning. Scratch that. It’s not how anyone chooses to start their morning. But you did choose to let Jack fall asleep next to you last night after he came over. And that is a choice you still don’t regret. Despite his choice to cause an absolute ruckus leaving for morning workout. 

“Fuck Y/N where’s my hoodie?” Jack is frantically turning your bedroom on its head at a ripe 6:20am. You’re walking a fine line between helping/consoling him and telling him to shut the fuck up. God damn feelings makes it the former. 

“Jacky hun, I’m literally wearing it, did you forget? Here, take it. Just grab me something else to wear from the dresser.” Cooing gently to try and calm the rancid energy in the room you cross your arms over your head and remove the Michigan emblazoned hoodie from your figure. You suppose you’re so comfortable around him, after he’s seen you naked so many times, that exposing your chest doesn’t give you pause. But it certainly gives Jack pause. His cheeks flush as he looks down at your breasts. He’s shy, as if he didn’t spend 10 minutes leaving marks on them last night. Seeing his reaction makes you blush, cause if he’s blushing shouldn’t you be too??

You raise a nervous arm to drape across your boobs, sheltering what you can from his beady gaze. The movement seems to bring reality back to the forefront of Jack’s mind. He sees you’re nervous now from his staring and feels a sinking in his chest; that’s the last thing he ever wants to make you feel. He clears his throat and spins on his heel toward your dresser. Fuck, he hopes he hasn’t made you insecure. He flings open a, frankly, unnecessary number of drawers until he finds some big t-shirts and picks one up. Jack, with corrected reaction and head held high now, treads over to you smiling softly. Instantly the fire on your face cools and you find enough confidence to hold his gaze. Gently he reaches for the hoodie and plucks it out of your tight grasp. 

“Thank you, love. Here.” He drops the new shirt over your head, coaxing you to slide your arms through. It’s an intimate moment with him speaking so quietly and watching you with a renewed softness. Jack doesn’t hesitate to slip his hand against your cheek and lean down for a kiss. He holds you there for a moment and it feels all too domestic: your hockey player boyfriend leaving early in the morning for a workout, the soft touches and lingering stares. The claustrophobic feeling begins to rise, as much as you wish you could revel in the moment. You know it’s not real and you can’t convince yourself it is. 

You break the kiss smiling at Jack to avoid suspicion of the strings you’ve attached yourself to him with. Jack smiles back, unaware of the ploy. 

“Sorry umm sorry I fell asleep… well, no I mean I guess I’m more sorry for waking you up.” Jack stumbles over his own thoughts a little bit, revising as he goes. You don’t know whether to be brave or be safe. Given your heart’s armor is about as sturdy as some shitty copy paper right now, you decide to play it safe. 

“It’s okay, don’t be sorry. Have a good workout, yeah?” Your gaze stays strong though, pleading for him to hear what you’d really wanted to say: ‘You know you can always stay the night. I like having you here.’ He nods curtly and mumbles out an affirmation, leaning down to slip on his shoes. 

You don’t think it’s in your friends with benefits description to walk him to the door at 6:30am, so you curl back up on your bed, dragging the covers over your body. 

Jack grabs his phone from where you’d plugged it in to charge last night (grey area behavior too) and pats down his hoodie pocket checking he has everything. Satisfied, he moves toward your bedroom door waving shyly as he steps out. You both bounce soft “bye”s off each other, like tentative echoes searching for something. 

To be fair, the friends with benefits description has already been… well, edited I guess you could say. What started out as unspoken “Only when Jack doesn’t have practice” and “No staying the night” became “Only when Jack doesn’t have games the next day” and “No staying the night unless there’s early workout/class in the morning.” 

One thing that hadn’t been revised: “This stays between us.” Who decided that one, you don’t know but that was just some kind of stupid rule for all of these types of situations, right? Maybe that’s just what you told yourself to keep from getting attached. Ha, wishful thinking that was.

Jack had been intriguing from the beginning. That hard fuckboy almost exterior was alluring; he knew just what to say and how and when and what smile to give you and the eyes to make. He was pre-planned, meditated, and that was obvious from the girls you’d seen him hand pick from the bar crowd, say a few lines to, and take home. But never the same girl twice. He didn’t really know you and never hand picked you from any of those aforementioned crowds but the fates had it in store for you regardless. 

The stupidest trope really. Dumb jock has shitty grades. Prof targets smart punctual student to tutor him. A tale as old as time except you didn’t study at the library or the coffeeshop. No, from day one you invited Jack over to your place, thinking the environment of the library was much too sterile, not very helpful for making a struggling student feel comfortable. But it didn’t quite go how it normally does. He didn’t jump your bones the first time he came over. You didn’t fall into bed with him in a lustful craze and subsequently madly in love with the boy. Not even close. 

He was nervous, quite painfully so the first few times. Whether it was the vulnerable environment getting tutored for a class you really shouldn’t be failing, knowing his cocky attitude or athlete title wouldn’t make a difference here, or how taken aback he was at how pretty you really were up close, the first three weeks were professional and timely. Only when you suggested he come over early for some coffee before starting studying and only after you offered he stay for some of the take out that had been delivered to you while he was there, did he start to relax. And even then, it was another two weeks before you texted outside of just arranging study times. For as methodical a pick up artist he seemed to be, this situation was clearly more of a tortoise over the hare type of deal. 

In those stolen moments before and after studying, you slowly grew together and from strength to strength. He told you about his family when you shared details about your shitty highschool friends and he remembered that you were always most hangry on Wednesdays since you had kickboxing right before tutoring. It was natural really the way he started dropping his book down on the same side of the table right next to you rather than across, and how he would push your hair behind your ear when you were explaining something hunched over the textbook. It was so natural how you started to grab his bicep more when praising him for doing something right and how you would sit so close on the couch together afterwards that hushed whispers were the loudest you needed to speak. In fact, you’ll be damned if you actually remember the exact moment you went from friends to something more, the transition so seamless you don’t have a memory of the first time you kissed. 

But eventually you did start to end up in bed together. Whether after your study session or maybe as a tiny break in between chapters or maybe “we just don’t even need to study because you seemed like you understood things well enough when you were here well… yesterday.” 

“So I mean basically all this problem is about is supply and demand. There’s a lot of red herrings here that they’re trying to distract you with. Can you tell me what the product is and the initial supply and demand relationship? Before the market change?” You’re busy looking over the word problem trying to figure out how to step Jack through it next. But he’s taking an unusually long time to answer your question. You turn to look at him. Jack seems lost, but about what you’re not sure.

“Isn’t that a fish? A red herring?” He asks. You can’t help but sigh that THAT is all he decided to selectively hear from your initial question. 

“Yes, Hughesy, but it’s also an expression that means a piece of information that is distracting from the main point. Kind of like what you’re doing right now.” The second part you mutter under your breath though and turn back to the book. More silence.

“...I’ve caught a tuna once, y'know.” 

“Jack! Focus!” Your chastising facade is easily disintegrated by an accompanying giggle. Jack looks satisfied, a little grin on his face that matches yours. Always the class clown. He’s more than happy he got you to smile and stop your tutor act. Though he doesn’t like how you sigh in slight frustration while setting your pencil down. He reaches a hand out to touch your thigh. The gesture makes you shiver.

“Hey I’m sorry. I think I understand it already though, there was a really similar practice problem I did before hockey today.” His soothing tone is matched by the gentle movements of his thumb on your skin. It takes you a moment to really hear what he said but then you smile. 

“You did practice problems today? Before practice? Without me assigning them to you?” You’re almost bashful when you ask, finally catching him in a moment of softness that you adored so much. It doesn’t go unnoticed by a blushing Jack either. 

“Yeah I did. I don’t wanna look totally stupid when we study y’know.” It’s sassy as always. You can hear the vulnerability though, you know him too well now. His expression morphs into more of a smirk, one side of his lips pinned higher up than the other. Jack reaches out his unoccupied hand to toy with a piece of your hair before slipping it behind your ear. “Was also hoping we could spend some time doing something else if I already understood the chapter.” His voice is a few steps lower and his eyes have already drawn more hooded as he looks you over. He’s trying to find the answer in your eyes. You fight an inner battle between what’s in your pants and what’s in your head. 

On one hand the past couple days of fooling around had been amazing but rationally you know this can’t end up being good for your tutoring situation. So do you give up or give in? As much as you wish the personal turmoil to be more prolonged, you think you already made up your mind how today would end when you first let Jack into your apartment looking so good in that backwards hat and flannel combo. You want him. He’s only empowering you with the way he’s running his hungry eyes over you. Fuck it. Professional tutoring and casual sex could both coexist right? Even so, you know the clench in your heart wasn’t from nerves but a clairvoyant reaction to how knotted this web would end up. 

In an attempt to stamp down the thought, you surge forward to kiss Jack. He’s ready to meet your lips, catching you in a soft but intent kiss. It’s only an extended moment before you pull away. His lips chase yours and the smirk that used to be on his face is now transferred to yours. You stand up. 

“You coming?” It’s a rhetorical question tossed over your shoulder on your way to your bedroom. No chance in hell he wouldn’t follow.

“Not right now Y/N geez. I can last at least 20 minutes, you know that.” Jack is quick to joke, wrapping his arms around you from behind and waddling as a pair toward your room. 

“Eww Hughes, I hate you.” You can’t help but laugh. His lips find their way to your neck and you can feel his smile. 

“Shh I bet you won’t be saying that in 19 minutes and 55 seconds, pretty.”

Jack was so gentle, he took his time to learn your body and constantly praise you for being so good for him. And after he learned you, you learned him, how he was rougher after games and always enjoyed a sneaky bout of morning sex. You never bothered to ask if he was seeing other girls too and frankly didn’t want to pain yourself with the thought. While Jack was with you, he was yours and that was enough.

Things were sticky from the get go. He’d always linger to ensure some pillow talk and maybe make you giggle a few times before he felt truly satiated. There were even times he’d come over after a tough loss and just follow you into the shower where you’d wash his body and let him hold you tenderly as long as he needed. Jack would bring you coffee when he knew you’d had an 8am and ask about how your sibling was doing. If you were really honest with yourself, you’d felt those butterflies and that childlike glee to just be in his company from that third week when you’d asked him to come early for coffee. Call it self destruction but knowing you could have him like this, however, taboo and hush hush it is, is better than what you were before when he didn’t even know you existed and what you might’ve been if he’d picked you as just another one of his conquests.

---

Jack's POV

The boys are already raging by the time Jack rolls up with John and Dawson. ‘It’s a weekend tradition,’ they say, to have a house party whenever they don’t have a Saturday game, since those occasions are so sparse. Obviously in between these off weekends are normal parties but those are much more lowkey. Normally, he’d be down but they haven’t had one of these full on ragers in like a month and a lot has happened in the last month. 

Jack really wishes you could be here, or that he didn’t have to be… your bed is so comfy. But it’s more than her god damn bed. From day one you never patronized him or made him feel stupid for not understanding fucking econ 102. You were entirely what Jack wasn’t looking for but desperately needed at just the right time. Some stability, a person separate from the rink. Trustworthy, someone who didn’t get to know him just for hockey. You’re smart and fuck… so gorgeous. It was really intimidating at first, trying to understand something he didn’t give a rat’s ass about while a pretty girl who didn’t know how pretty she was looked at him through her big glasses. After a while it wasn’t intimidating any more, just so god damn distracting. Always getting him coffee, doing things to make his life easier, hugging Jack so tight when he’d come and go. 

If he was honest he’d been hoping to get into bed with you from like the second week, but he knew you weren’t that type of girl, the type he normally would take home for one night and one night only. He’d known you were different and he wanted that; he wanted you. And for more than just a single fuck. So he’d waited. You were so gentle with him and Jack swears it’d felt like he’d just smoked a whole j by myself when you kissed him finally. At least he thinks it was you that kissed him first… Maybe Jack had actually smoked a whole j before coming over, you made him so fucking nervous at first. Not anymore though. Now you just make him smile and laugh and feel warm. 

He seems like a fucking simp which would be fine if he and you weren’t in the trenches of no man’s land right now. He doesn't really do this type of thing, the whole relationship thing. But he does want that with you, he just doesn't know how and he doesn't know if you want him too. Jack’s always worried you might see him as just his reputation. He’s worried you won’t be able to trust him not to hurt you. But you don’t hurt the people you love. 

Every moment you’re not with him he feels like he’s looking for you (like right now) and that’s because time spent with you doing nothing is always better than time spent without you. Jack’s so fucking into you it hurts and drives him a little crazy but he’d rather stay in between than lose you completely. 

“Holy fuck did you hear a word of that Hughes?” Nico shakes Jack’s shoulder and he knows he’s been caught in his daze. He tries to recover from looking like an absolute space cadet. 

“Nah dude I’m never usually listening when you talk, haven’t you noticed?” This causes some chuckles and a punch to the shoulder from Nico, but he smiles at Jack anyway. “We getting some drinks here or what boys?” He asks, trying to push the conversation away from his la la land behavior. The group moves en masse toward the open bar that one of their other teammates set up. Jack doesn't escape the attention for long though. 

“Haven’t seen you pick anyone up in a while? Something wrong with the little guy?” John chirps, giving Jack a crotch punch. Miles laughs so hard from over the shot glasses he spills some of the Tito’s he was pouring out.

“Fuck off John no. Just haven’t been feeling like a random fuck lately.” Jack scratches the back of his neck for once hating all the fucking eyes on him. 

“Haven’t been feeling like it? Has hell frozen over?” Nico absolutely refuses to let it go. Jack doesn't even know what to say so he just turns and glares at him reaching for a filled shot glass. He tosses it back. 

“Is this a fucking party or what boys? I’m not the only one drinking, am I?” The boys take the bait and soon Jack’s the least important of their thoughts as much as they’re the least important of his.

The arena is buzzing. Home game against MSU with 14 seconds left in the period. They’re tied 3-3. And he’s sweating his balls off. Absolutely gassed. Jack puts his hand up for Ian to throw him a towel, quickly popping his cage open and wiping off his forehead. Jack takes the opportunity to look over at the MSU bench. Their coach has a whiteboard out drawing up a play to score since they’ve got an o-zone faceoff. Coach Naurato just told them to break up whatever play MSU was planning. Very helpful.

 Jack’s mind starts to wander a bit, wondering if you’re seated somewhere in the student section. He knows you come to games but didn’t ask about this one; he’d forgotten the last time you-- erm “hung out.” 

The refs’ whistle luckily refocuses Jack’s mind back on the game. It’s go time. An icing meant he was back out there with the boys for this crucial moment. They had to stretch things to OT. No way was MSU scoring. 

He takes his position at the edge of the circle, to the left of his tendie. As soon as the puck drops Jack feels like he’s in slow motion. He moves hard out on the point searching for a loose puck or being ready to pry one loose. MSU’s centerman raked the puck back but Jack gets to it first skating as fast as he fucking can out of the pile. He’s moving despite his screaming legs, the lactic acid being almost too much to bear. 

He sees he’s got one of his liney’s to the left but has to get around the MSU defender first. Jack goes for a little chip play, which surprisingly gets around the d-man, despite his good gap. Jack’s in disbelief at this point, skating for his goddamn life; he could win this game for them.

The MSU goalie is being aggressive, creeping out of his crease to make himself bigger. But Jack’s still got his guy. A quick passing play and Jack re-receives the puck, psyching out the goalie just enough to find some space and sneak the puck in backdoor. Score.

Jack blacks out. Completely unsure what to do with himself, he starts frantically skating around the rim of the rink, arms up in the air as his teammates mob him against the glass. He’s fully screaming. He can feel the whole arena rumbling around him going absolutely nuts. Jack swears he’s never been happier than in this moment. They’ve won the game 4-3.

----

He’s out of press as quickly as possible. It’s not very extensive for D1 hockey players but there were still a few questions for the game winning goal scorer. Jack is still pumped full of adrenaline, hands practically shaking he’s so hyped up. He can think of only one person he wants to see right now, elevated testosterone sending his brain into a primal state.

“I’m coming over.” He texts. He’s never been so forward before, but his dumb boy brain can only think about one thing. For a split second Jack considers sending a follow up to ease the pushiness but he decides against it, shoving his phone in his dress pants pocket and making haste toward your apartment. 

He knocks at the door shifting impatiently, annoyed by an incessant itch he knows only you can scratch. You pull open the door and are suddenly standing in front of him; Michigan hoodie covering your frame and smooth legs exposed by a pair of sweatshorts. You seem a little shy unlike usual but still smile at Jack. Damn, has she always been this pretty? His lust works to heighten his senses.

Jack is swift, grabbing you and pulling you up around his waist. His hands fall greedily to your ass supporting you but also trying to relieve some of the tension in him by copping a feel. You’re feverish when you bring his lips to yours for a fiery kiss. There’s nothing innocent about it. His feet begin to move you both subconsciously toward your room as you make out with a fervor. The smell of your perfume swirls around him and fills his nose, fueling his lustful delirium further. You’re putty in his hands, arching generously into him, gasping wantonly for his kiss. Jack kisses you again and again even after breaking away until you can’t take anymore of the Dyonisian exchange. 

“Please--” Your plea is clipped and breathy. You’re not even sure if at first you know exactly what you’re asking for. But Jack hears you. He feels the way your body is screaming, vibrating electrically at his display. It strokes his ego in just the way his caveman mind needed.

“Yeah? You need me baby? Saw me score and now you need me to fuck you?” Jack’s almost taunting, his voice a few steps lower than usual. You feel no shame in giving into his provocation. You nod hastily, begging with your eyes rather than your words. Jack smirks, setting you on the floor of your room before backing himself toward the bed. He sits down, hands going behind him so he can lean back on his arms. He looks so cocky but still so sexy. Jack raises his eyebrows looking you over from where you stand stiffly before him.

“Well? On your knees baby, show me you deserve to be fucked.” He spits, making no move to do any of the work. You stumble forward, dropping to the floor in front of him and reaching greedily for his belt buckle. “There’s my good girl. Gonna let me fuck your throat sweetheart?” It’s condescending but it makes your stomach flutter. You love when he’s dominant. You wrestle his belt buckle open, beginning to tug on his dress pants. When you look up at him with doe eyes, pleading for him to do as he pleases with you, you see his smug smile. 

“Yeah ‘course you are. Always such a slut for me.” 

It all gets a little blurry after that first shot. Suddenly, he doesn’t remember a damn thing. Until Jack sees you. 

---

Y/N POV

You think it’s part of your dream at first, the incessant buzzing. But it’s coming from a flower in the garden and that doesn’t seem quite right… it’s still another fews rings before you fully flutter your eyes open. Still in a daze from sleep inertia, you reach blindly for your phone, holding it to what you think is your ear, and answering the call.

“H-hello?” You croak out, coughing almost immediately. The response on the other line is slow and you nearly fall back asleep in the second it takes them to speak.

“Hi umm sorry is-- is this Y/N?” Even in your haze you know that it’s weird that someone who’s calling you at the ass crack of morning isn’t sure of the name of the person they’re calling. It’s then you manage to sit up and pull your phone away from your ear to look at the caller ID. ‘Jacky Hughes.’ You’re even more confused now, because that voice certainly isn’t Jack and how the fuck does someone have his phone and why the fuck are they calling you?

“Uhhhhh yeah but who are you? Why do you have Jack’s phone?” You ask. The response is quicker this time.

“Shit sorry-- fuck this is John I’m buddies with Jack. Ummm we’re at the hockey house right now having a party but Jack is wasted and he just-- he kept asking for Y/N. ‘Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, where is she? I miss her. I miss my girl. Why isn’t she here?’ Really sappy shit and I mean none of the boys knew he had a girl so we’re like ‘Jack what the fuck are you saying man’ and he won’t explain he just keeps going on and on blah blah about Y/N. So we grab his phone right, and go through his contacts and look for a ‘Y/N’ and ta da, you’re the only one in there so we figured it had to be you he was talking about. Anyway, can you come get him? He's, like, totally plastered right now.”

‘John’ as he calls himself, is “like totally plastered right now” also, based on that rambly explanation. But really you don’t need any more convincing to drop what you’re doing (more like weren’t doing) and go to pick up a drunk Jack. 

“Yeah… yeah I’ll come now just uhh drop me a pin or something.” You barely wait for John to answer before ending the call to slip on some shoes, a hoodie, and grab your keys. As you lock your door on the way out, a text comes in with a location just like you asked for. 

You’d never been to the hockey house before but fuck it wasn’t hard to miss at this hour. Pretty multi color lights can be seen changing color inside and while the noise wasn’t atrocious it was certainly obvious. You risk it with double parking despite your nagging anxiety as it’s 3am and you don’t have time to find legal parking. You begin to tread up toward the porch but don’t have to go too far before your night vision fixes on a scene that makes you smile. 

Jack is sitting on the grass with his back against a tree mumbling incoherently, from the distance you’re at. There’s a few boys with him: some on the grass as well, one swinging on an epic rope swing tied from the tree and another just standing with his arms crossed. As you get closer you can make out Jack’s pouty face and loose limbs. The boy standing looks rather paternal as he monitors your toddler of a boyf-- erm.. friend. Thankfully, you don’t have to announce your presence as said paternal man notices you walking up.

“Hey are you uh-- Y/N was it?” He calls out. You nod but before you can speak Jack opens his big mouth just as you come to a stop in front of the group. 

“Aww Y/N she’s so pretty y’know-- wait you said she was coming, where is she Nico?” You look to see if Jack’s just suddenly lost all competency but notice that his eyes are closed. Your fond smile is involuntary. By now the rest of the belligerent boys have noticed your presence and are prodding at Jack saying ‘bro she is here’ ‘you’re so stupid Hughes’ and ‘oh my god dude.’

“Shhhh my head hurts be quiet you dumb fucks.” Jack chastises through a rather endearing hiccup. You move directly in front of Jack now, sinking into a squat to be almost eye level with him. Well you would be if he’d open his fucking eyes.

“Hey Jacky…” You call gently, placing your hand over his knee. He shifts only slightly.

“Only Y/N calls me that.” Jack whines, a lilt of sadness to his voice. Some of the boys have started laughing, egging him on while Nico just swears under his breath. Jack’s childishness makes you giggle. 

“Open your eyes dumbass.” You add now, squeezing his knee and giggling still. Jack furrows his brow and shakes his head side to side.

“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still hear her voice.” You’re fully laughing now, heart bursting with affection for this drunken fool. The Greek chorus opens their big mouths some more, fully ragging on Jack now: ‘Are you fucking serious bro’ and ‘Hughesy you idiot.’ 

The wheels seem to start turning, granted at a glacial pace, from all the berating. Jack shakes his head and you pat his leg encouragingly, his pretty eyes finally opening. When your eyes meet, he gasps comically loud and breaks into a beaming grin. It makes you feel even weaker for him.

“Oh my god, Y/N!!” He lifts an arm and starts flinging his hand about trying to find your face, to touch part of your body. You think he wants to hold your cheek but you’d rather he didn’t slap you in the face in the process. Gently you pick up his hand and rest your face against it.

“Hi stud.” You murmur at him, and even though he’s so inebriated that he doesn’t have control of his limbs, his thumb somehow begins to stroke your cheek. His head lulls to the side like a love sick puppy and he marvels at you with his starry gaze. He fish mouths for a moment before finding his words. 

“Is this a dream? Y’know I’m spinning so fucking bad right now I can see about three Y/N’s and that honestly sounds like fucking heaven to me. Must be a dream…” Jack mutters, almost to himself.

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m as real as that econ test you have on Monday Jacky. Glad to see you’re spending your weekend wisely.” The boys around you can’t help but chuckle at your rather mom-ish chirp. A few ‘gottems’ can be heard. Despite the roasting, it appears that Jack couldn’t care less. A delighted gasp leaves his lips and a sunshine-y smile rises on his lips. 

“Oh my god it IS you! I told Nico I wanted you to come get me and here you are! Will you take me home? Home to your’s? John’s being mean and Dawson isn’t as pretty as you.” He pouts as he says all this, making your heart clench. Home, he said. Your place. You’re already nodding without realizing. And if you lean forward to press a kiss to his cheek, it’s involuntary too.

“Yeah hun let’s go. I’ve got Welch’s in the car and a Ziploc bag with your name on it.” Your fingers run through his hair to soothe him just how you’ve learned to when he’s sober. You think he makes a move to stand and get his feet under himself but that battle is short lived. His ass stays firmly planted on the ground. 

“Geez Hughes here let’s go buddy. We got ya… yup there we go.” His friends are quick to claim limbs and hoist the 180 pound gentle giant off the dirt. You thank them and point out your car. Jack’s head lulls backwards so that he can still look at you even while he’s being carted off to your vehicle. The giddy smile doesn’t seem to leave his face.

“What are you guys?” The abruptness catches you off guard and shatters your daydreaming. You turn to find Nico, the most sober of the group and the ringleader it seems.

“Huh? Oh umm-- we… we hook up I guess. Yea…” You stutter badly but this is your first time talking about your situation with Jack out loud. It’ll have to do.

“Hook up... like... repeatedly? No, sorry, I mean like, he comes back to you or-- fuck I’m tryna say like he-- he doesn’t-- you’re not a fuck and chuck?” You’re at least grateful Nico is lacking some eloquence as well right now. Still, you’re unsure how to go on. You laugh awkwardly.

“No-- or wait I mean yeah? We’ve uhh yeah been hooking up for a couple months or three I think now. I was asked to tutor him in econ at the start of the semester.” Nico looks shocked but you watch as his face morphs in accordance with the wheels turning up top. He smiles all of a sudden.

“Well fuck me. He said he had a pretty study buddy so I guess that’s why he’s been so MIA. Probably should’ve put that one together sooner.” Nico laughs at his blatant idiocy. You smile and shrug not really knowing what to say. He hasn’t really said anything that you can respond to.

“He doesn’t even eat when he gets back most of the time. If he gets back at all obviously.” You blush at the implication as he continues to glue the pieces together in his head.

“Yeah we usually cook together or order something.” Your admittance is bashful. You kick some rocks with your shoes as you continue walking behind the carrying party toward your car.

“Wow. I’m shocked really. I mean I’ve never seen him or heard of him spending this much time with a girl before. You must be special.” 

You must be special. 

It’s what you’ve been wanting to hear for months now, just from the wrong person. 

“Y/NNNNN!” Jack whines from the passenger's seat of your car where he’s been deposited haphazardly, albeit in one piece. You roll your eyes affectionately, walking around towards him. 

“Thanks boys. ‘Preciate it.” You smile at the group, shifting your weight awkwardly between both feet. John breaks the silence.

“Tell him to bring you around sometime. We wanna meet you for real. Seems like he really likes you.” 

Seems like he really likes you. 

“Sure thing. Thanks again.” You smile and offer a small laugh and wave. Quickly you look down to your boy-- no, Jack, and see him staring at you. 

“I told them that.” He mumbles drowsily. 

“Told ‘em what bub?” You ask leaning over him to buckle his seatbelt and push all arms and legs inside the vehicle. 

“That I really like you.” 

I really like you. 

You pause for a moment, looking him over warily, heart fluttering. He’s smiling at you just as genuinely as he normally would when sober. It’s calming for the moment and inclines you to believe him even in his drunken state. Despite how desperately you want him to sober up so you can hear the real truth, your nervous stomach accepts his admittance for the time being. You smile back at him and bend to kiss him on the lips. It’s just a peck but satiates the boy fully. He giggles gleefully when you pull away and meet his eyes again. 

“Alright Jacky hun, let’s get you home.”

------

After waking up at 2 in the morning to collect a 5'11” drunken idiot, you’d think he’d have the decency to let you sleep in. Wishful thinking apparently. 

“Y/N… Y/N! Wake up please!” Though Jack’s being gentle he’s still shaking you awake, a rather jarring way to come around. You groan loudly, letting him know how exasperated you’re feeling. Your hands reach blindly to push him away from you. Jack’s even more stubborn than you are though. “Please baby, I needa talk to you.” He’s gentler this time, leaning down to kiss your neck and rub at your side. The coaxing works wonders in getting you to peak an eye open. 

Jack looks adorable really. Soft hair flopping into his face and some dark blue bags under his eyes. He’s wearing a soft smile and the look in his eyes is one of adoration. It almost melts away your annoyance. Almost. 

“Jacky, what do you want? Are you still drunk? Why the fuck did you wake me up?” You whine. He just continues to look at you gently. He bends to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“Hi gorgeous, I’m sorry. I-- I had to wake you up because well I blacked out last night which you obviously saw, but I woke up from my blackout when you were sitting in front of me smiling and telling me I was an idiot for not studying for our econ test. And I couldn’t wait another hour or more for you to wake up. I needed to tell you now that-- that I remember what I said and it was true. I like you, I really do. I’m so fucking into you it’s a little stupid and I’m tired of all this in between bullshit. I’ve wanted to be with you from like the second week we studied together and I don’t just wanna have sex anymore-- I mean don’t get me wrong it’s great and I would very much like to continue having sex with you but umm what I mean is I wanna introduce you to my friends and brag about you to them. About how my girl is so smart and funny and sexy and that she makes me laugh and fuck I’d ditch boys night for you because I like you that much. You make me feel so happy and safe. I love being around you no matter what we’re doing and I want you to be around me all the time. And I think I know that I’m not one sided in feeling this because I don’t think anyone could endure the pain of being so close to a couple but not actually being official unless they would give up the world for that person and well…  I would, I would give up the world for you and I hope that-- okay well that’s a lot to ask that you’d give up the world for me back but I hope that you at least like me too. Please tell me you do cause I’m so into you babe and I want it all with you. Late nights and early mornings… the fights and the love… the future. I’m not scared of losing you from saying how I feel because I’ve been yours for months now, so what’d you say? Be mine?” 

It’s almost too much all at once. You’re so tired and delirious and here’s this soft looking boy holding you in bed under the sheets, fingers dancing along your waist while he stares into your eyes and bares his soul to you. He had you at ‘I like you’ because it’s all you’ve been wanting to hear for months. Everything else was just sweet fluff that you more than loved but didn’t even need to hear make your decision. He says he’s been yours for months now but what he doesn’t realize is you’ve been his for just as long. And yeah, you’d give up the world for him too. All there’s left to say is yes.

You giggle at him pulling him down for a soft kiss. It’s a vessel for your emotion. An outpouring of love and devotion. You want him to feel that your actions mirror his words.

“Of course, Jack. I’m yours if you’re mine.” He beams down at you, smiling so wholly you think his face might get permanently stuck like that. He buries his face in your neck kissing you there. 

“Thank god.” He sighs. “I know I sounded all confident but I was still kinda shitting it that I might’ve had it all wrong there.”

[okkottsus]

I usually dont mind ppl having different interpretations of characters and relationships, but this is just an insult to my boy’s character and his connection to nagi.

Reo may have developed an interest in nagi bc of his talent (and i find the notion of him doing the same thing he hated his family for at the start very interesting btw), but since then he obviously has developed an emotional attachment, and to him, it has to be nagi. he’s met people with even more skill than him in blk but he still hasnt spared them a 1/100 of the attention he gives to his best friend.

ofc i think it was important for them to improve on their own and maybe it was premature of him to go back to devoting himself to nagi so quickly, but i truly believe its bc he understood nagi’s perspective since he “abandoned him” and his true intentions.

the difference in their perspectives is very clear even before they enter blue lock:

at that point winning the world cup was just reo’s dream but even then, to reo, the most important thing was for them to be together until the end (nagi was the one who made him promise that would be the case too !!) , while nagi was content with just going along with him bc he started caring abt him as a person

until they lost to isagi’s team. from that moment, he decided (and was right imo) that they need to do whatever they can, even if they have to take separate paths for some time, to get stronger.

and nagi didnt “lose sight of their og goal” what are they talking about?? nagi literally mentions/thinks about their dream to be the best together every chance he gets?? he even got mad at reo cause he thought his friend was the one who forgot about their dream. he thought he was taking the vital steps to make it a reality and was frustrated reo couldnt see that:

reo felt betrayed because he cared about nagi himself as much as he cared about their dream and thought that nagi used him as a stepping stone to move forward alone, when actually it would be more accurate to say that nagi views everyone except for reo as a stepping stone. (i dont blame reo for this, since even tho nagi tried to communicate that hes doing it for them, he did a terrible job of it).

but during their latest talk reo had already worked on himself and had acknowledged the fact that he was in the wrong for assuming that them being together no matter the cost was the right thing

so when nagi approached him and explained himself a little better this time (boy was shocked when he realised how reo took their separation and put in a little bit more effort lol)

reo finally understood how their desires intertwine now. how can people claim that reo sees nagi as a tool when its more of the other way around; meaning reo sees himself as a tool for making nagi the best striker in the world and he already declared that to Ego before:

and again now:

plus saying that he and nagi arent friends and they are just using each other is so out of touch with everything we’ve seen so far. reo’s devotion to nagi aside, nagi too cares for reo a lot outside of soccer. even after he left reo, he still got excited to see him and talk to him despite everything; to him it was obvious they would continue to interact no matter which team each of them was on:

and he also felt bad for hurting him and expressed the hope that he would forgive him

the only thing that i wish would happen now is for nagi to apologise to reo face to face instead of only doing it in his own thoughts, and for reo to also talk about why he was hurt. but i feel like they understood each other either way without many words, because in the end, their bond is just that strong.

they now both want to succeed more than they ever have before and have stopped being their complacent selves we met during the first selection. they are both thinking far into the future and not just within blue lock, so whether they keep moving forward together or separated from now on, it will be knowing they are working towards their shared dream.

[legallybrunettedotcom]

”people are going to change their mind about you the same way you change your mind about others” real and very true!! i was wondering tho if u have advice about like. how to cope with this reality??? maybe it’s my bpd but the pain of somebody changing their mind and leaving (despite me knowing and respecting that this is their Right to do so) just…….. feels like my whole body’s on fire. hurts so bad. how does one bridge the gap between the logical knowledge and the emotional understanding???

I probably have it easier in this interpersonal regard because I don't form attachments and thus don't get hurt. I am kind of always aware a relationship, whatever it is, can end any moment. We could be having the best time ever and you still might never want to talk to me again, or me to you.

I wasn't trying to invalidate anyone's feelings and emotional turmoil. An emotion is neither valid nor invalid, we have little control over the emotions that arise in us. It's something irrational. Same with our automatic thoughts. There are such horrifying and intense things that exist in a person's brain and heart, and we can all agree it's about what we do with them, our behaviour, how we react.

I know I run for the hills when I don't like something or someone so I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't allow others that. Patience should be practiced and people should be given multiple chances (ofc there are some exceptions to this), but overall I don't want others to be miserable. Nothing about me is special, why should I demand this person stays with me and stays unhappy? But also maybe it has nothing to do with me, a candle just goes out.

I don't think we really have to bridge the gap between the logical knowledge and the emotional understanding, they can co-exist. As much as we are rational beings we're also irrational beings and we should nurture both of those aspects.

We hurt so much in so many ways. It feels like fire, like you want to tear your skin off, like you want to vomit your entire being, there's such intense pain present and there's just nothing we can do about it. It happens without our acceptance. I personally do believe time heals wounds. You find a way to distract yourself, you think about it less, it still lingers, but it feels more dull and you can live with that. I kinda think life is about sitting in the uncomfortable for a while and then seeking distractions from it, like I am experiencing all this inner turmoil, and now what will I rationally choose?

Like with so many things, I can't offer an easy way out, but I think the fact that you can recognize the other person's right to leave is already a big step, many people don't respect that. How to cope with this reality? I know I have trouble coping with my reality and I won't lie, I just don't accept it. I don't know you, you know your life the best, what you do, so I think, time and time again, the coping mechanism become the things in our everyday life. A walk and a shower won't fix someone who is extremely depressed, but they are building blocks and you try to find as many of them to put on top of each other.

[constantfragmentation]

I've read all your Silco fics.

After watching Season 2, I need you to write a young feral Silco. I know you have a story started, but are you going to finish it? What's your view on a young silco before the betrayal?

Oh boy.

I started writing my Young!Feral!Silco a couple of years ago. I created a female OC before I knew about the Felicia thing.

My idea was that Silco hated everything about himself after the drowning and made himself into another man.

So, I was going to play with a bit of a more feral Silco that is exactly the brains and Vander the braun. I also wrote Silco as bisexual because I wanted to play with his relationship with Vander on a few levels. Silco has him on a pedestal, they are secret lovers and soon Silco begins to see Vander is changing and not for the better.

My Young!Silco is a bit more potty-mouthed, willing to get his hands dirty, deadly with a knife, and finding his strength, which is his keen mind. He is the planner and the mastermind, but Vander takes the credit. People follow a man like Vander, not a skinny brain like Silco.

It's starting to become a bit of a problem because Vander is beginning to rebel from Silco's plans or become weak in his eyes. I was thinking of Vander not liking that Silco really is the power in their duo. Without him, Vander couldn't plan shit and Silco is figuring that out.

My female OC is introduced like a sibling they pick up, who has skills in creating weapons, etc (very Jinx-like mentorship) and she and Silco are bro/sis for a bit until things start to change between them. Vander kind of sees Silco of picking up a stray, protecting a kid sister. He can't see there are real feelings developing until shit hits the fan.

I will be playing with the betrayal and drowning. I'm including a young Sevika.

Silco is torn because he idolizes Vander but it's a relationship on Vander's terms. He ends us using the OFC in the same fashion (because that's what he's learned from Vander) and finds he likes the control, only real feelings are getting in the way.

OFC sees Silco as he really is. He is the power and doesn't need Vander and enables him. She also sees Vander changing too but Silco doesn't see it as soon and denies his brother would back down from the rebellion.

I don't know if I want to use Felicia (keeping her as a friend only to V/S) but my OFC takes it the wrong way and thinks something is going on with the two men and her and jealousy kicks in.

I have a whole slew of plot ideas that break Vander and Silco. Betrayal on many different levels for several characters.

Fast forward to post-Vander's death and Jinx is still little, OFC returns to the Underground (after feeling betrayed by Silco all these years) only to find him as we know him in S1 Act 2.

I originally wrote in third person limited but after writing my other fics as reader insert, I changed it but now I'm thinking of rewriting back in third person again because the OFC has a name, specific look, personality, etc.

I never wrote 'reader insert' ever before until my Bend fic.

I really want to explore an young, rebel Silco. After the drowning, he tears apart everything and makes himself a new man. Older Silco now, never curses. He is more calm, calculated and even more ruthless. He cares for no one (until Jinx) because attachments made him weak when he was young.

He let a woman in to see himself. He put his best friend/lover on a pedestal so high, so when reality came crashing down, it really hurt him deeply.

I really love Silco as a character. There is SO much to play with. By keeping him rather vague, opens the door to so much creative characterization on how he would handle certain situations, how was he different or his true self bubbled under the surface.

I love figuring this man out.

That little blup flashback in S2 has brainrotted me to death. I really want to play in that area now.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh, Mordecai having some romantic feeling about Atlas is so delicious. Adds inherent internal conflict -- Mordecai's dad is dead, Atlas may have thought of himself as stepping into a pseudo parental role (even if it was only as a manipulation tactic). Mitzi helping Mordecai with new clothing is an almost familial act, but also he's competing with her for atlas's attention (which is romantic attention for mitzi)! Very fucked up, I love it. thinking about it feels like getting tazed.

right! all about the Drama and that [lol that would be very fucked up. i love it] element

like we Could just suppose mordecai peaced (violenced) out of lackadaisy based just on the Business considerations of marigold now being the sole large & relatively stable operation around, and that he's now moved to dig into things only because he's worried about, what, arrest for murder (which would have Been a concern re: "murder is a not insubstantial part of your job" the whole time, but)....but it's more Enriching if he gets personal character motivations that aren't solely practical concerns, so you gotta imagine that's how it really is

and like what's (so likely i just assume it's true, and) important is just that mordecai has some kind of very motivating emotional attachment to atlas out here, and given that he's not forthcoming about that and atlas is (a) dead and (b) also not forthcoming in his fleeting, mysterious appearances, any details have to be speculation, but aren't Needed to suppose that that emotional significance is there....i assume the most common theory re: wondering what atlas meant to mordecai is that mordecai was like "that's my dad" and ofc with the lack of specific info we can't say that's Not the case lol. it would also be hilarious anytime there's like unilateral [that's my dad] that is never acknowledged / taken on by that would-be dad lmfao....and ofc it's possible that atlas is the one with the unilateral [that's my son] especially by virtue of assuming the figurative role of Patriarch as less mere "is this my begotten son" and more "i'm a Man who is In Charge of this group of people. meanwhile mitzi and mordecai truly can get in on some "familial" dynamic like particularly on the basis of "people who are stuck together (in this house, in this job, in this group you're supposed to belong to all your life)" and their being Rivals re: atlas in one way or another making them like frenemies out here is great, and that now they are plausibly frenemies who are also the only people who can understand each other's depression is even better lmfao. still thinking it was mitzi (wife) asa (friend) and mordecai (???) at atlas's funeral for sure

meanwhile it's really not difficult to imagine that mordecai could feel some type of way about atlas when it's like, people are gay, it also Is difficult to imagine a More emotionally impactful introduction to someone / establishment of their role in your life than "thinking your own murder is imminent and even that atlas was someone about to kill you Now but then it turns out that this guy absolutely out of nowhere basically saves your life even though he just spared you a revolver"....i do generally assume that atlas related to most everyone around him in that opportunistic way, that, like in taking on viktor, atlas sees someone backed against a wall here, and if they can shoot their way out of it then he has this potential hire who now owes him their life and has that ability to fight their way out of a situation in which others are trying to kill them and still doesn't have any other options, and, like pretty much everyone, continues to have few options as they get involved in the organized bootlegging world, the other paths are closed to you....but, of course, mordecai may not have ever been confronted with that hypothetical reality of how atlas related to Him, and not really have pushed to make his Own hypothetical feelings about atlas manifest as more than like, being that ferocious little shadow, nbd just an important, fave employee, and of course there's atlas being married not long after....not some amazing situation, but regardless of any further specifics, we can presume that it's as big a deal as anything to mordecai that Someone is on his side at all and helping him out, even just on the level of like, on his side of "not dying" and helping him with "not dying," and he's taking what he can get out here, aren't they all

and just some more "wow. wild" visuals like, such as The Following peak dramatic introduction and how it's like okay you could at least imagine it Could be the kind of thing mordecai feels differently about than like [literally dadcore] lol

meanwhile always going "wow....wild" about this bit

just before he's also like "i'll kill you" at the suggestion that he was Romantically Involved with mitzi lmao....i do not imagine that mordecai was ever living with atlas but it's like, how much bodyguarding was done, to what extents. certainly could imagine him getting close enough to escort people to their homes, doors of apartments or hotel rooms, could imagine sometimes staying in those places too....real "why are you, as a man, aware of another man's living situation and the status of his marriage's deterioration" moments lmao. even when it's like, well yeah he's quite literally Close to atlas whenever being like a personal guard type situation, and presumably being privy to a lot re: business, and even some of the personal. and it's also a question of, supposing atlas did have a part in his own death, What atlas's motivations would be....evidently it wasn't great for lackadaisy that he died, or for mitzi, and what benefits could atlas reap directly by his dying when yknow then that'd mean that he was dead....gotta suppose if he Did go "look, most trusted employee who's already privy to a lot and maybe i also trust b/c i know you Care A Lot: you gotta kill me" it's more likely that he Was motivated more sentimentally than like ruthless business boy style out here. maybe mitzi wasn't living with him after some opportunity she pursued too far evidently fucked some things up, but atlas would still be like "well the things are already fucked up, and also i'll die to get mitzi out of some impending further consequences of it" maybe. maybe it was that atlas was just Sure he'd be killed, and so he had mordecai be the one to do it rather than live in suspense and not get to pick the time and place and be killed right off rather than hoping that enemies lurking around every corner both can & will make it a quicker less painful death

and it's like, hand to forehead, oh lord The Drama to suppose atlas told mordecai "okay. you gotta kill me :/" and mordecai is kind of in love with him or something and yet still has to go "okay :/" and then do it and then he and atlas's now-widow, who he kind of hates and is now the one other person who knows what went down and who he'll attend the funeral with, can be [hand to forehead] about it together....not like there's no drama in mordecai going "i have the worst luck re: my dads dying, ugh" in this scenario either lmao but it Could instead be like This and it Would be all the more agonizing. gotta kill this guy you love who you knew was never exactly gonna return that even beyond "i mean, to what extent did he Love his actual wife, even if it's a [nonzero] answer" and who would entrust you with this task b/c he not only knows you Could do it but that you Would....which also leads me to the postscript of this theory, that atlas also could've just leveraged that "however anyone felt about it presumably mordecai was Technically only ever Officially: atlas's employee of the month" and also basically made it a Professional Order to be the one to kill him. sure thinking about how mordecai repeatedly, including in his introduction, goes "it's really important for me to have a consistent and rigorous approach to Doing My Job that isn't based on going 'yahoo wippee i'm having so much fun' b/c I'm Really Not, i do not like any of this" like hmmm! might be the kind of important, emphasized perspective of a character who was like "yeah i had to kill my boss who i loved and i deal with that by being all-in on 'i don't do this because i enjoy it'" while others are like wow mordecai why don't you Seem to enjoy this either way more or way less? what a weirdo. and he's like, literally i just work here. anyways imagining the like "mitzi and mordecai hanging out in silent crisis together in the Depression Café immediately after mordecai killed atlas b/c atlas arranged that and both of them were aware of this and mitzi was married to him and mordecai was his right hand man and now their frenemies forever competitive status is that classic 'we might never even talk now but we'll just share a lifelong secret maybe, you know how it is' and in this scenario i also do imagine mitzi would be aware how mordecai felt, gayly. a ton of fun"

[theshiftingfairy]

Well, i want to ask for some advice on shifting.

I haven’t shifted yet,becuse i am indecisive.like i have too many shifting ideas, Too many wr ideas. That i cannot choose one to shift. I feel like i need to focus on a single idea.but i dont know.😮‍💨

And i have read your post of waiting room.you wrote that you also have multiple wr.so,how do you manage it?

Also, is shifting to a familiar realities like tv shows or books easier than shifting to a reality completely out of our imagination.?

This is all very interesting questions we don’t hear often, and I would love to discuss, so thank you for your ask !

Keep in mind that while I had shifting experiences in the past, I have yet to shift for long periods of time, in fictional drs anyway, so I wouldn’t call myself a shifting expert ^^’

I feel you, I think a lot of us have our imagination running wild with the infinite possibilities of shifting and it makes it hard to settle on one place.

Having multiple waiting rooms

There is personally two things I do :

- before trying to shift , I decide on one place, even if it’s hard to decide which one, I decide on only one.

I think it’s important to remind yourself that shifting to one place won’t keep you from shifting to any others drs later.

I go with the one I feel the most excited about in the moment. And if during meditation I have images of my others waiting rooms or drs coming to mind, I accept them, let them play for a bit and gently push them away.

I don’t personally believe having images or ideas of others places than the one you decided on first will keep you from shifting, as long as you made your intention clear before starting to shift. ( by simply saying “I’m shifting to my blank dr/wr) repressing them would only make them come back stronger in my opinion.

- I made it so there is a magical “narnia wardrobe”/ door in all my waiting rooms that connect them together, so technically all my waiting rooms are the same reality and it’s all a matter of where I wake up first and if I shift in one of the waiting room but suddenly don’t feel like being there anymore, I just have to open the door.

I think this reduce the fear of “deciding wrong” if that make sense 😅 ( there is no wrong answer in this situation ofc, it’s the anxiety talking )

When it comes to waiting rooms, the whole point is to wind down before or after shifting to more exciting drs. It shouldn’t be a source of anxiety , so I would recommend to keep it simple, focusing on one room, maybe a house before trying to focus on more complicated settings.

For instance I had a Disney dreamlight valley waiting room that I now consider more like a full dr, even though there is still doors making me shift to my drs inside the castle. That’s because there is a lot of other people in that dr, there is not only my house but all the Disney villagers. And there is no plot, but when there is a community , there will always be situation where it’s difficult to really wind down.

If I feel really excited about going there I won’t stop myself ofc, but I try to focus on more simple wrs where it’s just me, for the first time at least.

Tv shows and books drs 🆚 imagination drs

For your second question, i believe it’s not so much about the dr coming from a book/show or from your imagination than the emotional bond attach to it.

It’s true that for shows, we have more visual resources to connect to our dr, but I think the important part is the feelings we have towards the realities we want to shift to, the strong emotions we felt while discovering the story, the bond it creates for us with the characters.

And sure, a show or a book is made to make us feel strong attachment, but our imagination can create just as strong if not more of an emotional bond.

Some people have a fictional world inside their head that really haunts them, and it can actually make it easier for those people to shift to these places that come from their imagination. I saw a girl on the French shifttok who talked about a world she invented and intent to shift to (and “mini” shifted a few times if I remember correctly) because of how dear this place is to her heart.

Btw, I think that it’s one thing that can make it more difficult to shift in a Wr, since we are less likely to create a connection to one place, no matter how beautiful and whimsical we make it if there is no emotional bond attached to it. I personally feel attached to the wrs I have scripted and I like them for different reasons (I could talk more about it in another post) but it could be one reason why it’s difficult to shift in a wr for some people.

Now, I hope this post could give you some clarity 💜

The overall message is don’t stress too much about it and follow your heart, it knows the way. (cheesy I know 😆)

Happy shifting 🧚🏻‍♀️

[koskela-knights]

Night Springs DLC & usage of NPCs

Obviously, this is going to be a Night Springs SPOILERS post so be aware before proceeding!

TLDR: I personally think using mainly generic NPCs for almost every DLC chapter took away some of the (emotional) impact and depth these chapters could've had more. Sure, we've seen these generic NPCs in the main/vanilla game, but you don't rly get to know them well enough (at least in my case)

Now to expand on this per chapter

Rose:

In Rose's chapter, clearly it's her POV/her dream scenario. She's the centre point and everyone adores her. But who? Just some nameless NPCs which might suggest that this is how Rose actually experiences nobody but Alan to be important in her life. Again, it's NS, a different reality, and her chap is clearly exaggerated in many ways. But I think it'd be cooler to see, for example, the Valhalla residents, maybe even the Koskelas sitting in the Diner and just outside of it. Just to make it feel more personal, like hey, u know these characters, look how they suddenly worship her! Werewolf motorcycle scratch and talking fish Alan are literally a thing in this chapter so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to have Mandy-May and Norman for example in that Diner right. (You literally see duplicated NPCs outside the Diner, which feels kinda lazy to me, but maybe it serves the insignificance of the rest of the world to Rose.)

I'd say the changed Deer Fest was partially so effective becos BF was filled with named NPCs we've seen (and maybe have come to care about) throughout the game (the Valhalla residents, the Bookers, even Ilmo got affected). We profiled them, talked to them... So ofc it's uncanny to see them being sucked into this mess as well. Nobody is safe from being pulled into these weird versions of the town.

Jesse:

I'll be blunt, I feel this chapter didn't add much to the mix/overall story. Her character's relevance was much bigger in Tim's chapter anyways. It left me wanting, hoping for more. Also, you give me Coffee World (created by the Koskelas) with the main character "the Sibling" looking for her brother and then you remove the main game's most prominent siblings besides the Andersons???? Missed opportunity of having Jesse have parallels with Ilmo losing his brother, and her looking for Dylan. Their direct or indirect interaction could've been interesting and meaningful. What if one of Jaakko's kids was the person in that thermos suit? Have at least a note of Ilmo mourning that loss or something and it could be an additional drive for Jesse to find her brother before he too ends up as a coffee-corrupted mascot/character.

In this chapter, Tim is looking for missing people. It could've been gripping to actually see named NPCs return as coffee-corrupted people. Or have them being the ones stuffed in those thermos mascots. It would make the stakes feel much higher, but we only see shadow people and an unnamed, unknown mascot character that we have no emotional attachment to whatsoever. Not even on a basic level of recognizing those characters. If there were characters like Pat Maine or something other than Tim ending up corrupted, it could increase the (underlying) sense of dread/threat that anybody could be corrupted, including Dylan and Jesse still.

Tim:

I feel this chapter made the most sense to focus on only a handful of characters. But, I still think adding a bit more named NPCs could've made those apocalyptic worlds Tim visits more creepy and depressing. Similar to the effect it had in the altered Deer Fest from the main game, you realize that there are so many more universes where even less significant NPCs aren't safe from being wiped out/corrupted/etc.

Overall:

The chapters feel a bit... contained. There are of course clearly connections and more subtle winks to the main game/story + the other games (Control & QB) but this connection could've been more enforced by adding those other more known NPCs into these multiple universes. This way (for me at least), it feels like the multiverse isn't just restricted to the main characters of the chapters, but the entirety of Bright Falls and Watery. To me, those NPCs are what make the world just a bit more real and vivid and lived in. They make the worlds worth exploring and investing in, other than just the MCs. They make it worth saving, or wanting to save those worlds/universes. So when you see these apocalyptic/corrupted worlds, it makes it all the sadder to see what happened to those NPCs too.

[chaisshitposts]

Hey chai , I wanted some advice, I have been going through psych-k(which I got to know from your blogs) and I have been trying to go into the void it's been 3 days. And I wanted to tell you something (coz I like you so much). I have been manifesting my sp and I got to know about this manifesting stuff clearly when I wanted to get her. My situation was also the same( sp is not behaving the way I wanted and I have deleted the apps where I talk to her or check her status( so I can't be triggered by 3d). It's working well but now it's something like why am I manifesting her .coz, she didn't treat me well and yk all that hurtful stuff lover has to suffer. But, now that didn't affect me much. Earlier I used to cry 😭, why did she do this. Nevertheless, I have no contact with her and I don't know if I will manifest her in 3d, I will be loving to her or not. Because I am not kind of feeling it now. And honestly, before a relationship, I want her to regret and apologize for what she did. Then, I'll think about it. But I have been affirming inconsistently for her. And I am focused on the void, because that is instant. I think I am just boring you. But, Is this common to feel like that? Bcoz, literally I was crazy for her, but I am not attached anymore and I don't want any girl now. I am just neutral, but I think about what she did repeating the old story(the effects have been decreased). Bcoz , officially we are not in a relationship and also we are not separate ( there is something between us now). She is a nice girl like me but still not what I want.

Sorry for bothering, but if you can just guide me, coz you help sweetly and you are so so so nice.

☕

hiya anon! thanks for sharin' a bit about yer journey. as for what you're askin', it sounds like to me that you've become a lot more confident in yerself and have started to realize yer self-worth. I see this as an absolute win, cause you're legit the creator of yer own reality and ya can do whatever ya want, feel however ya want, etc. it seeems that this neutral feelin' that's suddenly takin' place definitely comes from ya healin' after realizin' how much shit yer sp's put ya through.

I've read lots of stories about folks who realized that this special person they'd been head over heels for over time turns out to not be so special once they start focusin' on themselves. ya should definitely consider this as self-growth, be proud of what you've accomplished. I think the only thing ya can do now is to trust yer guts. the amazin' thing is that everything isn't permanent unless ya want it to be permanent (but ya can still change that ofc) sO ya could always have this sp again for whenever ya want, or ya don't even need an sp at all, or ya could build yerself an sp from scratch. this is yer world, this is yer creation, ya can literally make someone just for you. good luck on yer void journey, it will all work out even better than you've ever imagined.

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

Somehow got through the worst of the crisis. Didn't tell S for the first time. Told her when we saw her and she asked why we didn't reach out and we said we know she's already overwhelmed and if we were to come out the other side we needed her to still be there, we needed to protect our relationship. She got it. It sucks the situation we are both in because of complete lack of support from everywhere else. She is being our care co, advocate, therapist, attachment figure, everything at once because *no one else is* but ofc it is too much. Hence ending therapy. Because the best way she can help is to fight the system for us and get us the right support, while also staying around so we don't have another broken attachment. I know it's her doing everything she can to help us the best she can. It's just hard to not view it through the lens of so many triggers and abandonment. When the reality is she is doing ALL this, soon for free, out of care. It is just not all focused on the care littles want (cuddles lol) and more of what we need. Which is what someone who truly cares for you does.

I value her seeing the situation and knowing our therapy and relationship will be damaged if we continued the same and therefore ending therapy before the damage was too big. Like others should have done. But it still sucks that it means we have to start again with someone else AND get used to seeing her less. It sucks because she doesn't even want to see her less but her life is just so that if we don't see her at work it will be less. I know how much she is doing for us behind the scenes to fight the system and yet child parts just want the time with her. Even if logically her doing that work is what will help most. I value her so much doing this for us. It's just the fear of seeing her less is so fucking huge. From outside it may seem ridiculous because we're so lucky to have an attachment figure who wants to see us anytime she can, and the least it'll be is maybe a couple weeks.. that's kind of a lot, it's more than anyone in her personal life gets besides those she lives with, even family! We'd be fine seeing anyone else every couple weeks!! Yet going from 2 or 3 times a week to knowing she'll struggle for even once a week feels like actual death. Like, we laugh when we see the facts. But for child parts it is like literal death it feels. And I just hope it actually feels okay. We'll get used to it. We'll speak inbetween. We will be adding more support and it won't feel long at all- the isolation does add to the attachment pain, its not ALL about her. Its also about what it triggers, and about being lonely in general. We have to trust that will change. And trust we will feel connected. (Mostly I secretly hope her work thing settles so she has more time lol). Remember there is the possibility for a lot more in the future when we are better, she wants us to be involved in an amazing work thing if we get well enough. WHEN we get well enough. She WANTS us in her life. We are wanted. That is beautiful. That is everything. The rest is just noise and life in the way.

It sucks how when we are connected we feel okay but then we loss it and drown in dread. When we are together we think we can handle ending therapy, these changes, the unknown, all of it. We can feel how much she cares, we know it, we see it. She gave us the most beautiful birthday gift and held us and we talked about the fears and we both are just having to face the unknown as both our lives change. And we just have to trust. Trust that even though her life is changing, even though we have to end therapy, even though xyz, she will find time to see us. She'll still be there even if its different. Trust that this is very different to previous ex therapists (who her supervisors now want us to report and are basically blacklisting already..), because yes we are close but we are doing it healthily and slowly and boundaried. She is not being our mum, she is not promising things she cant deliver like they did. She says the hard things when needed, she knows limits. Trust that that doesn't mean she cares less. Trust she'll still fight to get us the right support. And we have to trust that the right support will actually happen, despite the huge obstacles. And we have to trust we can hold on until it comes. We have to trust so many things we can't see yet.

And when we are with her, we do trust. But when we are apart, it's just overwhelming. We can't take another broken attachment. And I do trust her not to do what others did but I also know the whole situation is so stressful and she is one human trying to do her best. And so are we. I do kind of think it may be okay with her.. she won't go. I feel less sure about getting specialised therapy funded. And I know all our stuff and needs can't fall on our relationship or it will suffer. So we need the other support to work out. And I am scared what happens in the meantime. I've never experienced either thing- enough support or an attachment figure staying in a safe and healthy way. So even if factually it looks like she's staying and it'll be okay, we still need to experience it.

Honestly I have no idea how we'll feel with this transition. I have a feeling either we'll feel like we are drowning, while S is abroad and when back will see her less even if she's doing more for us behind the scenes, and no therapy..... OR, we may feel better. Maybe we dont need our attachment wounds constantly poked at. Maybe space to breathe will help. We've done SO much work internally attachment wise. We've gone from wanting child parts dead to calling them (pet names) lovingly like B did and S now does. And we've had some experiences of them being loved and wanted outside too, even if chaotic and abusive at times. I don't even really know the next step even if I was being offered it. I don't think I ever want such a deep attachment in therapy again. Some kind of attachment sure but our main one? It just feels never endingly painful. I think we do better when it's outside of therapy. And inside of it to an extent too. Just not the main and only. So maybe getting used to S outside of therapy will somehow help us see what is needed moving forward. I so wish K was safe for us..... then we'd have two attachment figures outside of therapy, and the attachment in therapy would feel less brutal and poking with its stupid hour or so a week. But she just isn't. Maybe she never will be. There's no way to know. Right now she isn't. There's S. But she can't be *everything*. And I want more outside of therapy. It's just... we don't really ever attach that way outside. Child parts never do. So I guess we just try and build the attachments and connections outside of therapy. Settle in to what S can be. And maybe we'll see therapy differently going forward.

I honestly have no fucking idea. But I do know what we've been doing isn't sustainable. I do know I don't want my main attachment figure to be my therapist. And I don't know what that means. And it's not like you have a fucking choice in who you attach to anyway lollll who am I kidding. We don't even know what we will be offered yet. Or when. In a few weeks. Years. Its so hard to keep walking forward not knowing how anything looks. And just trusting. And trusting that S won't give up fighting for us or let go of our hand. Trust ourselves that we choose to trust her for good reason and not purely attachment. Trust ourselves to feel her hand is still there even when physically apart. Trust we can keep ourselves safe when we need to. Trust that having to do so doesn't mean we don't deserve others. Child parts deserve to be rescued and protected and kept safe. And we have to trust we can do that, and that others want to, even if they can't always. Trust ourselves that we can grieve the gap between what others can do and what we deserve/d.

[ambreiiigns]

Yes tell me about "rick's crybaby backstory"! I didn't think this was a backstory type of show, that's exactly what I'm curious about! And what do you mean evil morty?? Tiny rick? Beth clone? Toilet episode? Pissmaster????? What is going on lol

YAYYYYY THANK YOU BUCKLE UP SORRY FOR TAKING A DAY XX HEHE

rick's crybaby backstory. that's what he calls it. he had wife (diane) and kid (beth) for whom he was going to give up science entirely (big deal for a rick, apparently he's the only one who was willing to do that !) enter Rick Prime. remember how the multiple realities and multiple versions of characters is a big plotpoint. yea. this Other Rick shows up and tries to get our rick hooked on interdimensional traveling but he refuses! bc he says it sounds lonely! ARGH so prima kills his wife and kid. oh well. we Later find out he's been killing everyone's diane and in fact invented a device that allows you to kill evert version of someone throughout every dimension. so rip diane forever and ever

so our rick goes on a revenge spree. he invents his own portal gun - apparently every other rick borrows their portal gun from prime who's the only one who built it himself. besides Our rick. and starts tracking prime down killing a bunch of other ricks in the process. so many in fact that those remaining build. the citadel of ricks. stay with me. it's like. idk a space station something where a bunch of ricks and their morties live and or stop by to mind their business. whatever. so this haunt for rick prime and killing himself over and over is what eventually gets our rick, who was gonna choose his family and human connections over science and adventure, to be as jaded and nihilistic and Alcoholic as every other rick before and after him. f in the chats for my man

so when the premise of the show is "rick had abandoned beth as a child and randomly crashed into her garage and settled down w her a couple of decades later" we know that's Wrong and that he's been on a quest to avenge her and her mom for all those years. aight. now it also ties into the overarching Plot of rick and morty bc during his quest to kill rick prime our rick also got in general trouble w the Galactic Federation who's like. big ass space government. and made friends w people who want to overthrow it. so he helps fight it yippie. this is how he meets my BELOVED birdperson and squanchy The Boys™ gang gang. we don't have time to discuss that rick's in love w birdperson maybe next time. the federation seems to be permanently dead rn if you care

by evil morty i mean THEE mvp i think some of the most iconic episodes revolve around him he got fed up w his rick and almost killed him put like some computer shit inside of him to control him like a little mechanical puppet. slay. then he went on to. become president of the citadel. slay. and revealed his Final Plan of killing a bunch of ricks and morties to create a portal that would get him out of the. my god. central finite curve. which we find out it's basically. every universe in which rick exists as the smartest being. evil morty's Evil Plan is simply to get out from under ricks' collective thumb and live by himself for himself. there's like a whole morty black market around the universe bc ricks use morties GOD I DON'T WANNA GET INTO IT IT'S SUCH BULLSHIT ACTUALLY but evil morty is my sweetheart he was right he did nothing wrong. he had a convo w our morty that knocks your tits clean off that goes like "if you've ever been sick of him you've been evil too" or "he's attached to us infinitely through his weakness and our forgiveness" like it slaps. it slaps i'm sorry what can i say

i feel like i end up talking too much abt rick when i love morty so much more but ofc the old man who goes on space adventures has more to be said abt him than the 14yo boy. but i do love him to death he's had such good if slow growth he's such a. victim to rick lmao even tho we find out very early on that ricks are usually SO much worse to their morties but he's been growing balls! he tells rick off now and finds him annoying and gets mad at him and all that! i love to see it. in fact rick is just as attached to morty at this point. it's so cute to see. grandpa's little buddy FUCK yeah and the other ricks make fun of him for that HA

tiny rick is. one time he turned himself into a teen and went to school w morty and summer. i like that bc he became pathetic and kept admitting he's Sad. beth clone is umm whenever we find out beth is in fact her father's daughter and is probably just as clever and violent as he is he proposes to make her a clone that will watch after jerry & the kids while she gets to go on space adventures like he did. and she doesn't decide she lets Him decide but instead of deciding her fucking. randomizes it so now there's a SUPER FUCKING COOL SPACE BETH RUNNING AROUND BEING BADASS and her own dad doesn't know which one is the original. top 10 most pathetic rick moments. the toilet episode good lord rick has a special planet where he shits and some alien guy finds his special shitter and rick gets really mad at him. the guy tries to make friends but rick refuses until guy Dies and then it's sad. it's sad. pissmaster episode? EVEN FUCKING SADDER it's like rick has a bunch of random enemies that bother him pissmaster being one of them jerry fuckin Destroys him and it's so humiliating that pissmaster. kills himself and his daughter's looking for him and it pulls at rick's weak spot so he. dresses up. as pissmaster. and sets up this fucking. suicide mission where he saves people from a bomb but dies in the process to kinda. give pissmaster a. proper sendoff. give his daughter closure. you know. it was SAD OK!!!! IT WAS REALLY GOOOOD

[inukag]

Speaking of filler episodes/arcs making Inuyasha (mostly him) ooc, there's one arc that makes Kagome (not only wildly OOC, but also makes her kind of dense/dumb): the kenkon halberd arc with Akitoki Hojo. - I hope you don't mind I lay off this rant (been bottling that up for MONTHS now). I just HATE the disservice to Kagome's character

(I'm not listing them in order, btw)

First sign where she's made sort of dumb (which she is in reality NOT throughout the series): Hojo shows up with that scroll to show his ancestor KAgome Hojo (🙄🙄 dude, we see what you're trying, you are DENSE), and she has that INCREDIBLY OOC moment where she wonders, and almost with certainty --after they run into A. Hojo-- that she will stay in the past and marry him... Like WTAF? That's just SO OOC because at point in the story, she admitted to naraku's evil baby that she's in love with Inuyasha; it also portrays her as stupid as if she doesn't even consider that there may be other girls/women name Kagome.

Then there's guilt tripping Inu to help akitoki, telling him "don't you feel guilty?" which he rightly replies with "why? Naraku destroyed Mount Hakurei (?)".

When Inuyasha is saying that humans shouldn't mess with yokai weapons, that is not their business, her thoughts keep going into tangents (several times during the three episodes), and reading "humans should not mess with yokai weapons" somehow equals "yokai/hanyo shouldn't get involved romantically")

When she and dense ancestors are separated from the rest of the gang, she remains quiet when Akitoki makes a veiled racist remark regarding inuyasha when she mentions she doesn't have a boyfriend (WHICH ISN'T TRUE, SHE'S WITH INU AT THAT POINT) and he goes all "I understand you travel with half demon and a monk who aren't appropriate husband material" and on top of that he goes "i'm sure under this sky is a young man destined for you" (jesus, this guy is like koga, if not worse (stealing a kiss, hello?) and she again pretty much accepts those words.

In than same scene, she quickly dismisses the thought of Inuyasha potentially becoming her hubby with a shake off her head that would have been IC for the first 5 episodes of the series, NOT this far into the story.

Then when the dude falls asleep SHE PUTS HIS HEAD ON HER LAP - that shit is ooc af and a slap to the face to the first new moon with Inu.

I'm sure I'm forgetting some more OOC Kagome moments.

And ofc, Inuyasha is bit OOC in this arc because this akitoki asshole keep acting like he's Kagome's intended husband, keeps shouting his love for her (despite knowing her for one hot minute), and Inuyasha says NOTHING (I'm sure he would have ripped his arms if he knew this fucker tried to kiss her while she slept).

Sorry that was long. ❤

(Sorry for answering this a month later than I said I would, last time I watched these episodes was YEARS ago so I wanted to rewatch them before I answered this ask!) 

First of all, I have to disagree a bit about this idea that these episodes made Kagome look completely dumb. At least in terms of action/battle, they made her use her arrows numerous times (people always complain about her not doing anything) and she was smart enough to 1- Test the sword on her friends’ lookalikes to see if they are yokai 2- Question them when they used her and Akitoki’s names 3- Rightly guessing that the girls are actually puppets and that’s why they weren’t affected by the blade

That was quick thinking of her and showed that she’s resourceful too, which is great! This is a lot like early-manga Kagome, like when she burned the toad demon or when she attached a yokai leg to her arrow. 

Now her assuming that a “Kagome Hojo” existing in the past must mean that she stayed behind and married Akitoki was pretty... weird. Unless Kagome is a rare name in Japan? I don’t know about that. 

But YES what bothered me the most in those episodes is how Kagome barely acknowledges her relationship with Inuyasha?? Like you said she completely shakes off the idea that Inuyasha is her boyfriend and that he could potentially end up with him??? 

GIRL WHAT you literally screamed that you love Inuyasha and cuddled him like 10 episodes ago??? 😭 Although this was in response to Akitoki telling her that the person who will eat her cooking everyday is very lucky, so maybe this was Kagome saying “well Inuyasha wouldn’t enjoy my cooking” because this episode has another instance of Inuyasha saying he enjoys instant ramen more than home-made cooking....

Sunrise PLEASE shut up..... Inuyasha isn’t Naruto! Loving ramen is not one of his core personality traits! There’s nothing in the manga that indicates it’s the only food he enjoys...

Anyway, Kagome not mentioning her relationship with Inuyasha is still wildly OOC when you consider how she reacted to Koga flirting with her and mocking Inuyasha... 

The whole theme of this arc was the differences between yokai and human and whether or not they are compatible... so I think what Sunrise tried to do is to set back Inuyasha and Kagome’s relationship so they can then re-confirm their chemistry at the end to prove that yokai/human relationships are indeed possible... 

It’s just very weird to do this that far in the series (this arc spans episodes 137-140). The plot with Hoshiyomi and Tsukiyomi was also just a repeat of Inuyasha and Kikyo, with the whole “they thought they betrayed each other but they actually didn’t” so it wasn’t particularly original. 

It really was such a weird tangent, Inuyasha saying “humans shouldn’t mess with yokai weapons” and Kagome ending up with “maybe my relationship with Inuyasha won’t work after all”... It would have been an interesting idea to explore if Kagome actually brought up significant differences between them that could lead to problems (like the anime-only idea that Inuyasha is 200 years old, or their children having yokai features, human villagers not accepting them, etc.) but none of that was addressed so it felt very shallow. 

I think it’s kind of funny that Akitoki declaring his feelings for Kagome was just ignored by pretty much everyone except Shippo essentially calling him cringy and Kagome questioning her future for a few minutes. I kinda hated that Kagome put his head on her lap when he was sleeping but it’s almost like she wanted to see if she would get butterflies in her stomach like the first time she did that with Inuyasha, but she clearly didn’t feel anything so she realized it wasn’t going to happen 😭

All in all I don’t think these fillers are bad. There’s some annoying set backs and OOCness but it ends with some wholesome Inukag moments too. It’s not like some of the filler episodes that makes Inukag look toxic (except maybe that line at the end of episode 140 where Inuyasha says Kagome is not kind...) or skews the love triangle. Also these episodes highlight a major problem I have with the anime, and that is the animation quality and style changing every episode. Episode 138 & 140 have amazing animation directors (Shouko Ikeda and Kumiko Takahashi) but the other 2 are mediocre imo and it’s very jarring. At least in the manga Rumiko Takahashi’s art is consistent. 

ALSO if you think Akitoki deserves to get beat up by Inuyasha for trying to kiss Kagome without her consent you should read A Rude Awakening by @born-for-eachother! Kat went HARD on Akitoki in her fanfic, Inuyasha was ready for murder LMAO. 

[reginarubie]

The Dance has begun. I can understand Sansa, as for why she feels so small again, calling out to her real family even more desperately — if only these people knew what was coming, just like she does! And right now she's not that Little Bird, she's a fighter and she won't run. I love this girl and how full of compassion for other people she is. She knows that innocents are going to be sacrificed for literally nothing. Alicent does too, but she blindly prays for salvation because opening her eyes would kill her. Rhaenys does too, but... I mean, this lady has issues. Or maybe she's just THE Targaryen and it is ✨fine✨ for them to think like that. Ugh, cringe bitches, both her and Rhae — Laenor deserved better, just like Symon does, though he's got something better than he hoped for. Ned is saving him just as much he & his fam saved her from Larys. *In Aemond's voice* It's a fair exchange. And oh no Rhaenys, don't you compare Lady Whent to your spoiled cun..ning niece. Ugh, I can't stand her in any universe, sorry. One more proof you got all the characters so well! But enough of the Blacks, my Green boys! Sansa is definitely all of us watching THAT scene 🤣 Despite it's being a fight scene it's absolutely heartwarming and I was happy to experience a better version of it. Aegon and Sansa need to chat more Imao, it's sending me 😜

But Aemond, babe, your plan! It wasn't that bad. Almost as okay as Daeron becoming a king in F&B. However, their loyalty to Aegon is here again to ruin the day. Loyalty is a great thing but did any of you except Niddle listen to Aegon himself? HELAENA MY DEAR SHE'S HAVING SUCH A BAD TIME WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT. Cousin Ned is there for you to feel valuable 💜 I hope Cole mentions that it was Ned's idea, the crown.

Also... One more hint on the possible third team... The Starks + Firesteel? Would be perfect 🥺 Waiting for the Storm's End. Hope Ned does something to Aemond's anger issues hehe... But even if Luke doesn't die, something tells me the Blacks still won't be satisfied. Either way, may Lady Stark survive them all once more 😈

Ciao Anne!,

As always thank you for your review it’s amazing!

Rhaenys is still a Targaryen to the core and she has her own plan, she doesn’t trust Rhaenyra one bit, but she has her plan and won’t be standing down about it. Her girls need to inherit Driftmark and their children — Laena’s grandchildren — to sit on the Iron throne for her revenge to be complete, also, it felt fitting with the way she acted with the attack to the Sept that Rhaenys would be like “The Realm ain’t my responsibility since they rejected me. Now they pay the price”

Aegon is very aware that he is not fit to rule — maybe he might have been but his issues are all over the place — and he knows Ned is more clever than she lets on, he has seen it, and he’s a little spoiled shit anyway. So ofc their interactions would be fun 😂😂😂 he be like “Where’s ya husband, cousin?” a jab to her and Aemond alike and then be like “Ya know, I know, the Seven know. Are you more attached to reality than these idiots?”

Helaena is a baby and she must be protected at all costs, and Sansa is there for it. In the book it was Alicent and Helaena both who talked Aegon out of full war and convinced him to offer her peace terms. So she’s much more involved than the show made her — terrible really so we’ll see more of her. Sansa’ll make sure of it!

Aemond’s contingency plan wasn’t that bad, and it took into account several issues… still could the Greens claim to be better than the Blacks if they fought an intestine war between themselves? No. They love each other, they’re loyal — never forget Aegon commissioned ginormous statues of his brothers, Aemond never took the throne though he acted as Prince Regent and Daeron actually throw wine in the face of the lord who dared suggest he stole his brother’s crown.

Like Alicent did one thing right, she made sure her children would be united and loyal and true to each other — we see that also in the private dinner scene in the show, Aegon shoulders Aemond in his speech and immediately is ready to throw punches when the Black kids come for them making sure to humiliate them by slamming their face in the plate — 😂😂😂.

Lady Stark is much stronger than anyone gives her credit for, much more clever than anyone gives her credit for and much more good and brave than anyone gives her credit for. She’s going to eat you all alive and make of you all her project to save the North and you will do it gladly because she asked nicely. 😂😂😂

That’s Sansa superpower. Her own brand of magic.

Thank you again for dropping by and for the amazing review!

As always sending all my love ~G.

[rueyam]

Salam <3

Thank you so much for answering my message, I really appreciate it. May Allah bless you <3

I think I’m going to end it with him, it just doesn’t feel right. At this point, after 7 meetings I should have felt something grow emotionally but it has not. Last time he told his feelings and was very kind and open about me but I don’t feel anything back. It’s so sad, so sad that I don’t feel anything back, sad to leave a great guy like him. He’s been paying for food and coffees every time. He even bought different board game for us to play so it gets easier to talk to each other and bc I brought up in one of the meetings before that we’ve got some board games at home but I have no one to play with (I just said it without any intentions, I wasn’t even thinking about it, I was just talking when we were talking about different board games). Like that’s how he is.

It feels like Allah brought a good guy like him to me after a long period of prayers for a good potential spouse, but here I am throwing away such an opportunity. It feels like I’m not appreciating what Allah has sent me. But I can’t help it, I don’t feel any attraction. What if my feelings doesn’t grow after marriage. Sometimes I start imagining how things could be and I get like mini moments of excitement but later on getting back to reality and realizing it’s only fake scenarios that gives me these good feelings but in reality I can’t go and strive for these fake scenarios that might not even happen. Like I tried to talk myself into it, you know when they say “fake it till you make it”, but nothing happens emotionally only like tiny tiny excitement but those disappears fast.

Last time I told him that it feels like he’s way further than me emotionally, he said what he felt but later said that he doesn’t attach himself fast to people, but from what I’ve seen and heard from him he does (Allah know best ofc). And that’s what I’m afraid of, making someone grow feelings for me and me prolonging this situation just bc I want to see if my feelings grow towards him but only to end up not wanting it and at that point him being much more emotionally invested in me. Even tho I was open about this and said that my emotions are not there yet and it could take a long time he’s said it’s ok that I shouldn’t worry, but I do. Do you see how good he is just him saying that?

I don’t even know how to tell him that I don’t want to continue in a good way. It sounds good in my head but whenever I speak it’s harder to articulate everything in clarity when it comes to these kind of things. He took my number last time which I actually didn’t want to give (at least not now, so far it has been our brothers whos been helping us to meet). I want to escape and just write it through a message but that wouldn’t be nice. It’s better face to face to show respect, not only for him but also for his brother (best friends with my brother) and his family.

uuuuugggghhhhhh

You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. Salam <3

hi luv wa alaykum salam i wanted to answer at a time where i feel emotionally capable. i think you needed a last closure or sign to make this decision clear for you. please don’t feel sorry for not having feelings for him, that is not something to feel bad for. it is not something you can control! sometimes people can vibe and share the same energy w someone without developing romantic feelings for them and you not having them for him doesn’t make him a bad person either! i can tell he is a good guy from what you said, but some things just don’t work out, no matter how much you think it would be right. think as this; God has another plan for me, a plan that will satisfy me a lot more in the future. inshAllah. your feelings are valid and will bring you closer to what you are meant for. i hope you are doing good, always <3 thank you and may Allah bless you too! 🩷

[seulgiology]

how are you

not gonna lie, I'm having the time of my life right now :) shit's been crazy and I'm learning to enjoy things the way they are while still adding my own flair.

I know you're probably wondering about the future of this blog and if specific posts will have their 2nd or 3rd part, but it's truly TRULY up in the air. I've been busy with my own endeavors, and so has Admin 2.

I am no longer as heavily invested in kpop and its glamour, nor do I take the time to witness my faves' personal growth on Youtube or through social media anymore.

It was a realization that hit me one day, I had my post notifications on for all of my biases (and other celebrities) and I was getting so bothered with my phone vibrating constantly throughout the day. I was asking myself "do I really care or is kpop culture telling me I should care?"

And I will not be taking any slander in how much of a chokehold I was in, this ain't the first time ya'll are going to hear about a K-pop stan finally admitting it was a phase and that yes, we were influenced and pressured into K-pop stan culture as YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE TEENAGERS but that's not the conversation I'm bringing up (and some of yall choose to continue to participate, I'm talking bout the ones who realize this shit is not "fun and playful" anymore the more your mind matures and the deeper you are into Kpop and the culture).

And as a heavily invested BTS ARMY, CHESIRE (rip), NCTZEN, ONCE, REVELUV, BLINK, and many more, I just couldn't keep spending so much time on figures that are literally not adding anything substantial to my current life. K-pop evolved into a form of escapism for me and I was ready to live in the moment.

I got into the world of Korean culture and pop at one of the lowest moments in my life that I can consciously remember and recall. So of course I made this genre, this culture, part of my core happiness during a period of personal devastation.

Post notifications from my faves would come as often as bad news and unfavorable moments. Without even knowing, I waited for the good news from K-pop to put the bandaid over the mental pain I endured from my day-to-day. I eventually became more hopeful and positive BECAUSE I looked forward to something so simple and insignificant as a "Thank you JAKARTA 💜💜💜💜💜💜" I'm not even from that place and I was just as elated (and jealous ofc) for the fans that got to see them.

In the same way Rap/Hip-Hop can be a way of life as well as change your outlook on life, and Metal/Rock can be a way of life, K-pop can also be a way of life and change your outlook on life.

But when I realized I don't need a bandaid or balm anymore, K-pop stopped becoming a focal point. It's my guilty pleasure on Youtube when I'm h*gh and my 500 hr K-pop playlist is now used for the rainy days I rarely have.

The moment was like, "Oh, it's just Haechan that posted," when it used to be "OMG HAECHAN POSTED AISUHDUISGIUE." I used to see one K-pop-related thing, and happily jump into a wormhole of Youtube videos, stan Twitter posts, and heated discussions on album theories.

My love for K-pop turned into appreciation for the good music I liked, not strict devotion to the artist. Because that's the reality of almost all art forms. See it for how it is and it's just like everything else; just attach meaning to it and now it's something special.

I'm just a fan of K-pop nowadays lol. I used to be so annoyed at know-it-all 2nd gen stans as a new K-pop stan, but look at me now. A know-it-all 3rd gen fan who looks at 4th gen with distaste lmao. But it is what it is. And 4th gen is a little... anyways...

BUT NOW I KNOW HOW 2ND GENERATION FANS FELT WHEN 3RD GEN CAME AROUND. And it's just because I grew out of it, K-pop will always be tailored to younger audiences and I'm well past that.

I sometimes listen to the Kpop ON playlist on Spotify, without bias (pun is definitely intended), and occasionally see that stan Twitter is the exact way I left it (they say the game doesn't change, just the players). I still get a little excited to see which new groups are about to debut, groups that i miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight wanna do some light research on just to remember what it felt like to be introduced to the new personality.

Nowadays, my thought's on what I hear or see are like this:

"Are there any new survival shows? I probably won't watch it, but what are yall saying about it now"

"..."

"FUCK I FORGOT JIN'S GOING TO THE MILITARY"

"...Why is (random group) still dropping music..."

"NOT YOU TOO HOBI"

"I wonder if Joy is still with Crush"

"I wonder when Jennie is gonna go solo"

And I don't indulge in these thoughts too much because it isn't as imperative to me as they used to be. I treat those thoughts just like any other thought that doesn't require my immediate attention. I'll always love my k-pop phase, but I'll never forget my roots! 2018 me would probably cuss me the fuck out if she found out I still haven't listened to Jimin's new song or listened to NCT 127's latest repackage (please tell me I didn't miss another release).

In conclusion, I began treating K-pop like any other genre;

I'm gonna keep talking my shit.

If there's good music, I'll listen and might playlist it.

If there's not, I'll keep it pushing.

Any interesting news? Lemme see what it's about.

I am not invested enough to create fanfic anymore.

[keanureevesisbae]

↳ ❝ [a love story - 22.] ¡!❞

Hank Voight x Kazuha Takahashi (asian ofc)

Summary: Kazuha and Hank eloped.

Warnings: None.

Wordcount: 0.5k

Masterlist // One Chicago Masterlist // a love story masterlist

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

So, I am a married woman. I never expected that to happen. I felt I was doomed to die an old maid. But here I am, married to someone as amazing as Hank Voight.

Oh goodness, I’m Kazuha Voight now.

I continue to go over my head about it, wondering whether or not I am going to wake up from a wonderful dream, but then I look at the wedding band around my finger and I realize: it’s true. It’s real.

I am really married. 

After we got married quickly, with my grandparents as witnesses, I arranged for Josie and Wendy to take good care of my grandparents—and because Kevin and Josie are attached to the hip, it automatically meant Kevin was there a lot as well. My grandparents did not complain—and Hank and I got to spend a wonderful time together. 

Because this was literally the most last minute thing, we went to San Fransisco and I absolutely adored it there. I will forever love Chicago and stay here probably for the rest of my life, but there was something about SF that wa absolutely wonderful and I definitely want to go there again. 

But now I’m back in reality. Gone is the honeymoon bliss and thrown back into reality.

However, I don’t feel like I have the right to complain, because reality is so much more fun when every time you stare at your hand, you see the wedding band. 

That makes me happy.

Hank is getting himself ready for work, while I prepare his morning coffee. He invested in a real coffee machine and now, we can start every day with a wonderful cappuccino made by yours truly. 

I feel Hank’s arms wrapped around my waist and his face nuzzled in my neck. ‘Hi,’ he whispers, pressing a kiss against the delicate skin. ‘Ah, still can’t believe you are my wife.’

‘I know. Now, when guys hit on me in the cafe, I can just say: “Sorry, I’m a married woman now”. I can’t wait.’ I turn around in his arms and wrap mine around his neck. ‘I am looking forward to this.’

Hank smiles. ‘You know,’ he whispers, ‘I thought we might be going to fast all of the sudden, but… now I am just really happy and I can’t believe I thought that.’

I nod. ‘I understand,’ I whisper. ‘I really do. If you want to hit the brakes, I understand. Just… Please tell me, okay? I don’t want to guess. I prefer clear communication.’

‘I’m going to try.’ And I know it’s hard on him, 

Clear communication is always hard and I know this will not be easy. Not now, not in the future, but if I just continue to be patient and provide a safe environment for him to speak his mind, he’ll feel secure enough to talk to me.

I lean in for a kiss and he pulls me closer as he deepens the kiss. ‘Your coffee is ready,’ I whisper against his lips. 

‘I know,’ he whispers, ‘but just one more kiss.’

Over the course of our relationship, I realized one thing: the biggest lie he can tell me is just one more kiss. There is no such thing as just one more kiss in Hank Voight’s vocabulary. 

And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life loving him for who he is, because that is my favorite version of Hank. 

Chicago PD taglist (I operate one chicago pd taglist, so one list for all one shots and multichaptered stories): @acdassenza // @wanniiieeee // @one-sweet-gubler // @sofiebstar // @diegos-butt //