#we are all a sum of our experiences and we each have a reason for why we are the way we are

[popsicle-stick]

that gender post from last night has me thinking i wish other cis people knew how entirely bog standard and common it is to have zero innate sense or connection to gender - i'd go as far as to say that it's how the majority of cis people feel! it's a sense of being given one of two labels and simply having no innate notion to the contrary, but also, having no real innate sense that you ARE that. you're just that thang by default bc everyone calls you that and it's convenient and it's comfortable and the concept of gender is simply not interesting enough to spend time on

[radfem-polls]

Open ended question: what made you “peak”?

For me it was finally realising that women and made to cater to men but men never have to do the same. Example transwomen constantly forcing themselves into women’s spaces but men never have to do the same for trans men. Transwomen still having all the privilege of men while frequently putting down women and telling them they’re not doing enough as allies. So yet again women are constantly being forced to defend themselves and overexplain. Women spaces being shut down on social media like Facebook and reddit but men spaces and women hating spaces being allowed to thrive. Trans subreddits openly talking about how much they hate bio women and how they are prettier and better than any bio women while women in any subreddit including “lesbian” subreddits being made to walk on eggshells or censor themselves. Etc and the list goes on.

Hi thank you for your submission! Everyone it's time for our next...

Saturday open ended question!

Radfems and radleans, what made you "peak"?

Peaking often refers to switching one's perspective from being accepting of gender and/or gender ideology, to becoming gender critical. It can refer to becoming critical of genderism in a conservative context, an LGBTQ context, or both.

Alternatively, peaking can refer to any aspect of becoming a radical feminist (as opposed to mainstream feminist or opposed to mainstream conservativism), such as becoming critical of the sex industry, pornography, BDSM, reproductive restrictions, surrogacy, marriage, etc.

If you're referring to non-gender related peaking, specification would be great for people looking through the replies/reblogs, but you don't have to ofc 🫶🏾

Replying to OP under the cut (opinionated) 👇🏾

Huge agree, it's so clear that whilst trying to erase our sex, they still mistreat and silence us along sex lines. Despite obsfucating the definition of woman, they still know who is a woman when it comes to who to denigrate, debase, and intrude upon!

I personally feel that I peak again and again almost every day; each abuse a new reminder that they are male and of the oppressor class.

Essentially two big reasons I peaked can be summed up as 1) TIMs are sexist and 2) TIMs are racist.

Part 1:

One of the things that peaked me was, back when I was trans-identified, seeing how openly violent trans women were towards trans men. Some would even say the trans men and other tifs were not "truly trans" (and they are??), wish them rape or other violence, for perceived social missteps, or tell them they cannot talk about the oppression they experience for being female (AFAB), lest they perpetuate "transmisogyny."

It was like watching a miniature patriarchy surrounded by a veil of gaslighting and DARVO where it was insisted trans men or other "transmisogyny exempt" people were the real oppressors. It's truly no different to how men, particularly incels, DARVO women, insisting we are not oppressed and somehow inflict suffering onto men (usually by way of having boundaries). No different to "transbians" talking about breaking the cotton ceiling (🤢🤮) and positioning sex with lesbians a form of validation.

Part 2:

Another thing that peaked me is how trans women and other tims talk about black women. It's disgusting! They insist we have some imagined "proximity" to them by way of our "womanhood" being denied to us, but in this statement lies the misogynistic ideas they have around what womanhood even is.

They aliken their oppression to black women being considered "unfeminine," or being limited in what parts of femininity black women can access (which is a real problem in the US due to their history with the enslavement of African Americans, although not all black people are AA in the first place. Which ties into how a lot of LGBTQ politics is stinkingly USamericentric, whereas radical feminists prefer to look at the whole world).

This, however, misses the entire point of what womanhood is in the first place, and displays a grave misunderstanding in how gender seeks to oppress the masses. Harping on the second point first, trans women seem to not understand that femininity isn't a desire for women, by which our oppression takes place when we are denied that desire.

Femininity, rather, is a code of conduct that is forced onto women in order to control us, to control our sexuality, to control our reproduction, and to control our lives altogether. Femininity seeks to quash us under the thumb of men by embodying every aspect of a tortured and enslaved mindset. Everything from heels being considered professional while causing physical pain, short skirts limiting our ability to take long strides, bend down and even walk altogether, (and long skirts limiting our ability to run, climb trees, etc). To the very way we are expected to sit to take up less space. I could go on and on but there are many more analyses of femininity. The point is it is a tool to control us.

Black femininity was just as enslaving as white femininity in AA slavery USA. However it contained an additional aspect of dehumanization that white women weren't subjected to (of course, all women are dehumanized under the patriarchy. but due to our race, black women were/are additionally dehumanized). The modern march amongst black women to achieve hyperfemininity (essentially the expectations for white women ×10) is a seek to be dehumanized in a generalist way rather than racially-specific.

Yet for trans women, this oppressive code of conduct is what they desire in order to "be women." They think this code of conduct is womanhood, and anyone who seeks to fit into it is a woman, and anyone who detests it is not (see: multiple cases of trans women saying "if you hate womanhood so much, why not be a man?" or telling butches they are "closeted transmascs").

This all comes to the first earlier point that trans women misunderstand (or intentionally refuse to accept) the meaning of womanhood in the first place. It is not femininity. It is not an act. It is not a thought process. It is not a feeling. It is not immaterial.

Being a woman requires 3 things.

Be a member of a human species. Currently there is only one human species alive; homo sapien sapien.

Be an adult, which is usually considered the age by which one is mature enough to engage in the world independently. In much of the world this is 18 years old. It may be 16, 21, or even 25.

Be female. Notice how trans women do not fit into this. To be a female human, one must have at least 1 X chromosome along with either no Y chromosome, or the Y chromosome's SRY gene is missing, inactivated, or damaged beyond functionality. This karotypical makeup will result in the development of phenotypical traits that aim to partake in the production of the large gamete ova. This simple definition covers all females, perisex or intersex. Any human who does not meet this definition is a male, whether perisex or intersex male.

In short. Be an human adult female (adult female human, however you like to place the adjectives). It is on this basis of our SEX, female, that we are oppressed. The way black women are "distanced" from womanhood is on the basis of not being considered human. This is completely different to trans women and other tims as they are not women due to not being female. Claiming they are "denied" womanhood the way black women are is racist and appropriative of black women's struggles.

The other argument they have (which is even more racist) is their argument black women are "mistaken" for being male and attacked. It is true that *white* attackers sometimes target black women on assumption they are male. This is because white men are fucking racist and don't know what black women look like. Black men rarely struggle to tell if a black woman is a woman or not, unless that woman has an intersex and/or hormonal condition making her ambiguous.

In the latter, it is not blackness that is "analogous" to trans women's experiences, but possibly intersex. I'm not intersex so that is for intersex people to define to which degree they are in proximity to trans women, if at all. Altogether, mistaking black women for men is because of a lack of exposure to what black people and therefore black women look like. Using ethnic features as a marker of sex distinction is xenophobic and sexist against women. Whether that's a white man beating up a black woman because he thinks she's a man, or white TIMs on Xitter trying to prove a random black celeb looks like a man, it is at the core, racism.

I should iterate, obviously, beating up other people is repulsive, hate crimes are repulsive. Beating up trans women is repulsive. However by shifting the responsibility of these actions from the attackers, often white men or whoever else is most racially/ethnically privileged in a given region, onto black women, TIMs are being racist and misogynistic (misogynoirist in particular).

Of course, not every trans woman or other TIM is a virulent sexist and/or racist. But the core concept of womanhood being a commandeerable trait or thought process, rather than a material state of being that is oppressed in human society on the basis of sex, is sexist, immaterialist, psuedo-religious, and very easily leans itself to racist thinking.

That understanding of gender ideology as fitting into those above traits, my friends, is why I peaked. There's so, so much more I could say, but this is a poll blog and we'll be here all day 😅

If you read this far drop a flower emoji in the comments/reblogs/tags 🌷

Let me know if you want to see more under the cut soapboxing on Saturdays lol 😆

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

i don't know how to sum this up. i haven't slept in four days.

...this is gonna be a long one and im sorry. also literally every fucking one in this whole thing minus V is autistic, i don't know how, but them's the facts.

background info: around... some 8 years ago maybe, my truly BELOVED friend M (today 31F) started hanging out with a new friend group her then-friend S (31F now) had introduced her to.

(i (31 genderqueer) didn't know M then. i do know she was very lonely.)

so. S has introduced M to her friend group, and M hangs out with them for about... two years?, but, as far as i understand, S is the go-between here. M asks S what plans they have on weekends, S calls M when there's plans on weekends, that sort of thing.

what happens is: at one point S's girlfriend, V, starts flirting with M. heavily. in front of S. S VERY MATURELY decides that the solution to this is obviously to start telling M there's never plans on weekends while telling the friend group M is never free on weekends. shitty move, i think we can all agree.

and M ends up alone. she's never heard from a single one of any of those other people ever again. ever.

now. M, OBVIOUSLY and i think with good enough reason, HATES S.

but.

1) it's not S's fault M is no longer friends with the whole group, like M thinks it is. it's just not. if they had wanted to keep hanging out with her, very simply, they would have. S didn't even explicitly ask or tell them not to hang out with M, nor did she talk shit about M to get them to leave her out. and want to know why we know all this? it's because after (AFTER!) S and V broke up, M and V dated for like, three months, and V told M. what S did was shit and immature, but not like. extreme.

2) we don't know if S even knew how lonely M was/was gonna be. in my understanding of what's right or wrong, this is KIND OF REALLY important. the intention, the meanness, the ability to knowingly isolate someone to that degree. jealousy is one thing, being genuinely mean is another.

3) all of this happened 10 years ago. TEN. YEARS. they were like, 20. fetuses. we're all queer, they were all navigating the first romantic experiences, shit happens. S was shit but S also could have become a better person in these TEN YEARS. we just don't know.

OTHER background info: ive known S for like, 10 years, and she's someone VERY interesting who i've always liked (not romantically), but she's not my friend.

ok, and now. fast forward to last week. M & i & F1 (27F, my bestie, M's friend) go to a pub. S is there, says hi to me, hi to M (which. like at least apologize or something. but ok) (at this point i have no idea they even knew each other btw), S & i talk a bit like we always do, M goes home (i suspect nothing), S & F1 & i hang out, next thing u know F1 and S start to date and S and i become better friends.

(where i absolutely am the A: apparently, at some point M told me what S did to her. before we met S at the pub? after? i have NO memory of any of this.)

M wants nothing to do with S, as is her right. but at this point F1 is dating her and im making plans to like, watch clone wars with her. M tells me & F1 the whole story (tells again, in my case), tells us she has no problems with us hanging out with S but again, please can we not force them together, which, ofc, i tell her about our star wars plans and like, she's chill, she says yeah sure go for it, she jokes around about how S knows lots of people and we gotta use her to get another friend a girlfriend, shit like that.

forward again. one sunday morning, M asks me to hang out. that sunday just so happens to be clone wars day with S & F1. i tell her. she goes BALLISTIC. like, tachycardia, tunnel vision, palpitations, she's fully ready to never talk to me again because "i can't ask [me] to not hang out with S because that would be toxic, but i just CAN'T be around S, so here we go again, she's gonna steal my friend [me] (...i don't think M cares too much about losing F1, they're not that close), im losing control of the situation, the only way for me to stay in control is to choose to cut off [me] right here and now, so that's what ill do, goodbye forever". and she spends the WHOLE DAY in this frenzy (completely unbeknownst to me!), with multiple people trying to calm her down and like, get her to talk to me. (which OF COURSE the next day she ends up doing, because she loves me, she's just. very autistic.) anyway, at this point (sunday evening) ive been made aware of the situation with M, so i had F2 (F31, she's a mutual close friend who was acting as a kinda peacemaker) tell M i was there for her & ready to talk whenever, and we meet up on monday evening, i get apologized to (M had like, blocked me on all social media 😂) for the whole... overreaction, especially after id been told it was ok to see S, and M officially asks me to stop hanging out with S. i try to tell her "can i ask S about, idk, what was going on in her brain back then". she starts to hedgehog up on me so i shut tf up.

here i am the A again: i know M very well. i should have known it would not actually be okay to see S. i just should have. i do know her.

here i... can't tell how much of an A i might be: i don't want to tell S to fuck off. i WANT to talk to S, figure out how much of an actual irredeemable asshole she is, and only in that case tell her to fuck off. the 3 points i made at the start of this papyrus are still valid. also i think it's kind of fair to give her the right to like, defend herself? explain herself? before i go full ghost on her

... its like this. it's not like i care about S. not to be mean but she's no one to me. i just would like her to BE someone to me, cause she seems cool.

i have few friends. i would like one more friend.

i also made friends with a friend of S, T (can't remember age NB). they're the only other genderqueer person i know irl. id like to get to know them. (also they're kind of cute but that's genuinely not that important lol, i just like to make this post Even Longer). i wouldn't get to know T if i did what M wants (needs?) me to.

and let's not forget S is currently dating my close friend F1. just to put icing on the cake.

then again, i adore M. my loyalty to her SHOULD be more important than two people who are, again, no one to me. i should just tell F1, sorry, i won't hang out with ur gf, like ill be civil to her but i won't pursue a friendship with her. because i don't NEED to. i don't NEED these friendships. i would just LIKE them.

if S turns out to BE an asshole who hurt M on purpose, it's great, it's golden. problem solved. ill tell her she's shit and, i mean, F1 will probably break up with her too. no one gained or lost anything from a whole shebang were i haven't slept in like 4 days and got a stress herpes or whatever it's called, it's cool, it happens, go us.

but if S is... justifiable? understandable? NOT a dick? i don't feel i have an actual reason to delete her number. would i, for M? probably, yeah, but i don't WANT to.

F1 says im a doormat. F2 says im basically a monster and how could i do this to M when there's plant of other friendly fish in the sea.

AITA?

and while we're at it, if someone feels like giving advice... what do i do?

What are these acronyms?

[tenebraevesper]

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 6)

Welcome to Part 6 of my Shadow and Sonic character analysis, which is actually part analysis, part me just gushing over the Sonadow ship. In this Part, I will be covering the second half of Episode 17: Grim Tidings, which can be summed up as ''little brother is jealous of older brother's boyfriend and also is trying to kill them''.

With this done, I have three more episodes left in which Shadow appears, and unless I get too many screenshots/gifs so Tumblr won't let me post them all, Episode 21: Home Sick Home and Episode 22: The Devil is in the Tails will be one post, while Episode 23: From the Top will be its own post. There might also be a slight delay in me covering those episodes because I need to gather all of the material for them.

In any case, let's dive into this episode!

In the first half of the episode, we already saw a very prominent shift in Shadow's character, aka his protective and caring side and his attempt to reach out and comfort Sonic, which was genuinely really cute from him.

So, Shadow and Sonic manage to enter The Grim, with Sonic (who for once didn't faceplant upon landing in the Shatterspace) being surprised to see Nine having gone full Elsa by creating a citadel with the Paradox Prism energy. As they approach it, they're confronted by Nine, who tells Sonic how Sonic's plan was never Nine's plan.

''So, it was always about power?'' ''No, that's not-'' ''Exactly. With the Paradox Prism, I'll be able to turn this world into a paradise. MY PARADISE!''

I find it genuinely interesting how Shadow's first thought is that Nine was after power, rather than approval or companionship. Nine agrees, but he wasn't seeking power for the sake of power. Knowing Nine's character, he is a loner who had been bullied all of his life and after believing that he found a true friend in Sonic, all he wants is to create a world where he and Sonic can be happy. However, with Sonic ''betraying'' him, he decides that he is better off alone.

Now, doesn't this sound a bit familiar?

So, this is speculation, but I think that Nine is supposed to be a foil to Shadow. Both are loners with a cynical view of the world and a strong connection to Sonic. However, while Nine started out as Sonic's ally (after some initial trust issues) and looked up to him, Shadow was quite antagonistic, fighting Sonic and berating him for shattering their reality. However, over the course of the show, things changed, with Nine taking over as the main villain while Shadow became Sonic's closest ally.

While the reasons for Nine betraying Sonic have been seen and discussed in and out of the show, I want to point out something I didn't really see anyone bring up - how much does Nine really know Sonic (and for that matter, how much does Sonic really know Nine)?

Nine acted on the belief that Sonic wants to stay with him in The Grim and create a world just for them, at least until he got the confirmation that Sonic wanted to restore Ghost Hill. Nine is not Tails, so no matter how much he interacts with Sonic, he wouldn't know about any of Sonic's past actions or how he acted in similar situations to get a good understanding of him.

Shadow, on the other hand, knows Sonic well enough to point out his mistakes and flaws and is not afraid to knock him down a peg, while also understanding that Sonic genuinely has everyone's best interests on mind. He has seen how Sonic behaves in situations like this, and even if he fights Sonic, he has no issues working with him and trusting him (albeit, after he admits that, yeah, they need each other to fix reality). Unlike Nine, he has enough experience with Sonic to understand why he acts like this.

''Let's destroy this traitor.'' ''Wait! Maybe I can reason with him.'' ''Reason with him?!'' ''Just let me try. If that doesn't work-'' ''Then he's mine.'' ''No, he's ours.''

*Soviet anthem starts playing* Sorry, not sorry! X3 But seriously, was anyone reminded of that one meme when Sonic went ''he's ours''? Because that's the first thing that popped into my mind.

Also, why do writers love writing Shadow trying to destroy Tails? Like this is the third time this happens!

First we had Shadow fighting Tails in Sonic X (granted, he was targeting Cosmo, but still!).

Then we had Shadow fighting Tails in Sonic Boom (granted, he was targeting Sonic, and Tails and Knuckles were in his way, but still!).

Now we have Shadow targeting Nine in Sonic Prime, who betrayed them, took the Paradox Prism and left their reality to fracture... which for once is actually a valid reason for Shadow to go after him.

But still, why is Shadow having beef with Tails in every animated media he appears in? Going by this pattern, I guess that Shadow will also target Tails in Sonic Movie 3.

*shakes head in amusement* Anyways, where were we? Ah, yes!

So, Shadow and Sonic's conversation is actually quite interesting when you take into consideration everything that happened between them. Shadow wants to do the obvious, while Sonic, despite having experienced a great loss, still hopes that he can reason with Nine. Shadow is stunned, but Sonic asks him to let him at least try. If it doesn't work, Shadow will deal with him... No, Shadow and Sonic will deal with him.

This is certainly the culmination of both Sonic and Shadow's character growth. Not only did they talk about their plans, but Sonic acknowledges that, if he cannot talk to Nine, he will have to fight him. Shadow, in turn, let's Sonic do try the more diplomatic approach rather than take the violent option, clearly showing trust in Sonic's negotiation skills. It is genuinely amazing to see.

Unfortunately for Sonic, Nine doesn't care about fixing their relationship, as he already replaced him with his own version of Chaos Sonic, called Grim Sonic.

''Woah! Who or what is THAT?!'' ''It's you.'' ''Yeah, but if you squint and tilt your head to the side, it's also kinda you.'' *gives Sonic an unimpressed look*

Honestly, I genuinely laughed at this little exchange, especially when Shadow just gives Sonic that look. It's really fun to just have them talk like this, showing off their dynamic.

''Whatever it is, it's in our way.'' ''Not for long!''

The conversation even continues, with both preparing for the fight. Once again, I just love how these two can hold a banter in one moment and leap into action in the next one.

At first, they get caught off guard by Grim Sonic, with Sonic being exasperated there's another robotic version of him, with Nine pointing out how he saved Sonic from Chaos Sonic, but how this time, Sonic is on his own. Sonic's expression falls as he hears that, clearly hurt by Nine's words.

''He's not on his own.'' *Sonic perks up, both confront Grim Sonic* ''We're all on our own.''

Honestly, this is really sweet of Shadow, showing that he now stands firmly by Sonic's side and cheering him up. Shadow really has undergone through a lot of character growth, affirming that he and Sonic are now a team and they will work together to beat Nine. Not to mention, Sonic just looks so happy to hear this.

What follows next is Sonic and Shadow beating up Grim Sonic, showing some amazing teamwork together.

''It's over Nine!'' ''I decide when it's over!''

Nine summons the other Grim Variants, that of Amy, Knuckles, Rouge and Birdie (no Big or Froggy tho, and certainly no variant of Tails), claiming how they're his friends now. Sonic and Shadow continue the battle.

''Behind you!'' ''Behind you!''

I'm absolutely loving this! Seriously, before Sonic Prime, when was the last time we saw them work together like this?

Anyways, as the battle continues, Shadow tells Sonic to go for the Prism, but Sonic protests, not wanting to leave him alone. Shadow assures him that he'll be fine and tells him to go, with Sonic listening to him. Nine laments about Sonic's recklessness, throwing crystals at him and knocking him down.

''Sonic!''

Shadow looks absolutely devastated when he sees Sonic fall...

...and his first instinct is to rush over to Sonic to protect him.

Fortunately, Sonic gets up, with Nine joining the Grim Variants, praising the power of the Prism and how there's nothing he can't do. Sonic questions him whether this is really what he wants, to spend his life all alone with robots as his companions. Nine responds how he can at least trust them, with Sonic the pointing out how The Grim is decaying, and Nine reveals that, while he rebuilt the Paradox Prism, some of the Prism energy is still missing.

Now, observe this closely.

''Oh, I've rebuilt it. But it turns down there is some Prism energy missing.''

When Nine mentions the missing Prism energy, he briefly glances at Sonic's shoes, smirking. Sonic clearly has no idea what he's talking about, thinking about his words.

Shadow, on the other hand, follows Nine's gaze, looking at Sonic's shoes, then back at Nine, who gives him a firm look, as if confirming something. Shadow's eyes widen in realization, then he gives Nine a look of pure anger.

Shadow has put together that Nine is now targeting Sonic, and he is pissed.

''Sonic, you have to get out of here!'' ''What?''

Shadow's first words and actions after this realization is to tell Sonic to get out and then protecting him from Grim Sonic.

''It's you! He's after your energy!''

It is as if someone flipped a switch. Shadow's thoughts are basically ''Forget the Paradox Prism, I need to protect Sonic now!'' He literally switched priorities the moment Sonic had been put into danger, and when he sees Sonic struggling with the Grim variants, he basically encases him into a tornado to protect him, telling him that he has to go.

''What? Shadow thinks he can steal Sonic away from me!? Not a chance!''

I know that Nine is after Sonic's Prism energy, but he sounds so much like a little brother who is jealous that his older brother spends more time with his boyfriend than with him. I mean, he certainly isn't over Sonic, no matter what he says about the robots being his friends now, so it certainly checks out.

Nine then fires a blast of energy at Sonic and Shadow, with Shadow managing to grab Sonic's leg...

''This is for your own good!'' ''Shadooooow!''

...proceeding to throw him out of The Grim and right into The Void, much to Nine's dismay. Nine then sends Grim Birdie and its clones to follow Sonic, and while Shadow fights the rest of the robots.

He is not in the best state, but damned if he doesn't give his all to cover Sonic. Unfortunately, he is outnumbered and eventually knocked into the abyss.

You fought as best as you could Shadow, but unfortunately, you will need more help in the fight against Nine. Fortunately, Sonic knows where to find that help.

So, the second half of the episode just cemented everything I had said about Shadow's character growth, with the inclusion of him putting Sonic's safety above his own. Sure, Sonic is Nine's target, but you can't say that Shadow hasn't been doing that even before he learned about Nine's plans.

Oh, and Sonadow shippers? I think you can definitely add ''Protective Shadow'' to your story ideas.

#Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 5)

#Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 7)

#Sonic the Hedgehog Analyzer (Masterlist)

[mayasdeluca]

Well here we are at the end. It feels incredibly weird and surreal that this is the last time I'll be doing a reaction post after an episode. I think it will really sink in months from now when the show really doesn't come back but honestly I'm feeling so many different emotions right now and it's because of the episode and also just because of knowing this is the last of everything.

I feel like this finale episode really summed up my whole experience with this show. They'll do some things really well and some things that really just make you question why on earth did they think that was the right choice. Stuff that makes you so frustrated because they just get in their own way and could be doing things that isn't wasting the potential of real magic.

It feels like Maya and Carina were never able to really shine and be highlighted in the way they could have been. They shied away from the true chemistry and connection and love story that they had instead of embracing it. As soon as they would get some focus, they had to give it to someone else or insert someone else into the storyline. It was like they couldn't give the queer women too much for whatever reason. This has been a pattern since their relationship started so I'm sadly not surprised it ended the same way.

I get they had a lot to fit in so I wasn't expecting everything to happen like I envisioned. But they really didn't pay off the cliffhanger in any way. All this speculation about Maya quitting her job, all this worry about how she'd be freaking out about being near death and realizing she could lose the family that she finally has, all these possibilities about her getting injured, having some smoke inhalation, Carina being worried tat she'd have to raise their children alone and practically none of it gets addressed? Carina doesn't even find out that Maya was in that situation? We don't get to see them hug in relief as soon as they see each other? Maya doesn't even make a comment about how she thought she was going to die and lose everything she finally has? Again, didn't expect all of this, but not even a little of it?

And then instead of Maya being the one to collapse from smoke inhalation after being surrounded by an insane amount of flames, it's Andy...because of course Andy would have to be the focus. She's Captain, it's her station, they all had to come together to rally around her. Because it was already too much for them to worry about Maya for the first two minutes of the episode. We couldn't have Carina even come across Maya while she was in the field (what exactly was the point of that then? Delivering babies is a Maya and Carina thing)

I enjoyed the scene of Carina telling Maya she was pregnant. I love that it paralleled their proposal scene and we got the great camera spinning kiss like in 4x14. But again it's like we just have to be satisfied with the bare minimum and that's it. That was our only glimpse really of present Marina in the last episode. The way they did the flashforward scenes was super confusing and choppy in my opinion, not really knowing if it was the real thing at first or just what these characters were envisioning. (And don't get me started on how Maya and Carina's visions only included becoming mothers).

I don't know how to feel about Maya being Captain of 19 again honestly. Andy being Chief was...an interesting twist because I wasn't expecting that either but it always felt like 19 was Andy's station so why did they get away from that already? The whole series led up to that moment. Why couldn't Maya have her own station? I do love that her shirt had Deluca-Bishop on it though.

Will always be grateful that the show gave us Maya and Carina. What Danielle and Stefania did with these characters both separately and together will always be special. But part of me will also always feel a little sad and bitter about what could have been if they really embraced Marina as the main couple of the show and didn't let double standards get in the way and just let them be the bisexual loving wives that they are. So many missed opportunities and it's a shame.

Sending love to everyone feeling all types of things after that. It was a lot and I'm here for anyone who needs to vent. ❤️

[vickyvicarious]

I did not sleep well, though my bed was comfortable enough, for I had all sorts of queer dreams. There was a dog howling all night under my window, which may have had something to do with it; or it may have been the paprika, for I had to drink up all the water in my carafe, and was still thirsty.

3 May

Then a dog began to howl somewhere in a farmhouse far down the road—a long, agonised wailing, as if from fear. The sound was taken up by another dog, and then another and another, till, borne on the wind which now sighed softly through the Pass, a wild howling began, which seemed to come from all over the country, as far as the imagination could grasp it through the gloom of the night. At the first howl the horses began to strain and rear, but the driver spoke to them soothingly, and they quieted down, but shivered and sweated as though after a runaway from sudden fright. Then, far off in the distance, from the mountains on each side of us began a louder and a sharper howling—that of wolves—which affected both the horses and myself in the same way—for I was minded to jump from the calèche and run, whilst they reared again and plunged madly, so that the driver had to use all his great strength to keep them from bolting. ... The keen wind still carried the howling of the dogs, though this grew fainter as we went on our way. The baying of the wolves sounded nearer and nearer, as though they were closing round on us from every side.

5 May

Something made me start up, a low, piteous howling of dogs somewhere far below in the valley, which was hidden from my sight.

24 June

A good deal of interest was abroad concerning the dog which landed when the ship struck, and more than a few of the members of the S. P. C. A., which is very strong in Whitby, have tried to befriend the animal. To the general disappointment, however, it was not to be found; it seems to have disappeared entirely from the town. It may be that it was frightened and made its way on to the moors, where it is still hiding in terror. There are some who look with dread on such a possibility, lest later on it should in itself become a danger, for it is evidently a fierce brute. Early this morning a large dog, a half-bred mastiff belonging to a coal merchant close to Tate Hill Pier, was found dead in the roadway opposite to its master's yard. It had been fighting, and manifestly had had a savage opponent, for its throat was torn away, and its belly was slit open as if with a savage claw.

9 August

As funny as the entire 'Whitby residents want to adopt Dracudog' bit is, there's a darker side to it as well. First of all, in the irony of their love being based on a complete misunderstanding of his true nature - down even to the basics. Dracula is almost certainly not transformed into a dog, but a wolf. However, there are no wild wolves in England, and so the locals don't recognize him. This sums up the entire reason he's come here, quite succinctly. Seen as dog (human), really a wolf (vampire). No wolves there (no vampires, no belief in/knowledge of them) and so they don't recognize him (can't defend against them). They want to adopt him - obviously, he has no interest in being adopted as a literal pet, but he does want to be 'adopted' in a more general sense by English society. He spent many long hours reading books and talking to Jonathan to ensure that he'd be able to fit in more easily; if Whitby is any indication, his plans seem to be paying off.

There's also something else going on with dog vs wolf here, though. I pulled a few quotes above about upset dogs. And that's because dogs aren't fooled like the people of Whitby. They seem to instinctively see through/oppose supernatural forces. While the howling on 3 May is from before Jonathan meets Dracula, it happens at the same time as he experiences a night full of 'queer dreams' and shortly after he has "[left] the West and [entered] the East" - in other words, after he has passed out of the modern natural world and entered the domain of older supernatural powers. It's a simplified and kind of racist idea, yes, but symbolically at least, this transition is something emphasized in the text. And the first night in that land, his rest is disturbed partially due to a symbol of civilization voicing its distress.

The dogs get increasingly clearer about this opposition to the supernatural and Dracula specifically. The howling on 5 May happens at midnight on St. George's day, a time when 'all the evil things in the world have full sway', on the night when Dracula collects his treasures from the ground where men have died. This also marks a transition point where Jonathan is fully under the Count's power, fully separated from civilization. And this is even embodied by the dogs' howls soon being drowned out by their wild/supernatural equivalent when the wolves howl louder and sharper. They end up surrounding Jonathan that night, while the dogs sound farther and farther away and eventually are heard no more. And another difference: the dogs howl in fear. The wolves howl "as though the moonlight had had some peculiar effect on them" - a reference to werewolves perhaps, but also, they do this while surrounding and menacing Jonathan and the horses, while hunting them.

The distant dog howling on 24 June marks the time when Dracula is kidnapping a child from the town. Their protest does some amount of good - it helps Jonathan to begin breaking free of the hypnotic trance the vampire ladies have him in - but it doesn't manage to save the child.

And finally, today's dog seems to have tried to defend its home, based on where its body was found. Who knows, maybe Dracula had a passing interest in killing someone there and it managed to dissuade him. More likely the dog just instinctively recognized him for the threat he is as he was passing by and attacked, leading him to kill it in order to be left alone. Perhaps the fact that the English dog is the only one which actually is shown to do more than cry out a fearful protest is representative of the English main characters being the humans who will eventually stand against Dracula rather than be so fully dominated by him. After all, they aren't surrounded by wolves here; it's just the one. But if so, the fact that the dog who tries him is brutally slain by Dracula cannot bode well either. After all, they have no experience with wolves here; they don't know how to fight them.

[youremyheaven]

Hello :) I was reading about Venusians and I kind of feel represented by this energy, maybe not strongly but I do. I don't have any Venus nakshatra in my primary placements, and my question is: if both of my ascendant nakshatra and rasi lords are in venusian nakshatras. Does it have an effect? could it be considered "dominant" or significant in some way? because I never get examples of this. In the community, they always talk about their Big 3, and in research, they give Big 3 examples, and they almost never consider those things as significant, which makes me feel like a wannabe Venusian 😬

Okay first of all , I think we need to ask ourselves why we cling to the idea of "dominance" so much. I've never thought of myself as anything dominant because I feel the effects of my whole chart in different areas/in different ways because that's how it's supposed to be?? (as each planet represents a different area of life?). I think this concept had its origins with Claire's astro beauty research where she associated the planet/nak that had the most physical influence on a person is their "dominant" placement but I think this way of thinking is inherently flawed because as interesting as I find Claire's astro beauty research to be, I don't actually think it holds ground because every person's appearance is a sum of many influences? Anybody can nitpick some common recurring features (esp when the women depicted are mostly just white women) and say xyz nak has caused it. Traditionally different body parts and features are associated with different planets and the astrology of appearance is very much real but it's not a hyper specific science the way Claire makes it seem. It's more like "mercury rules the forehead so many mercurials tend to have bigger foreheads" etc

Anywayyyys, you don't have to be anything "dominant" to relate to some nak or planet's impact. In fact if someone feels one placement more acutely than others, it's probably because of the astrological transits they're experiencing or because they're very spiritually underevolved. I do think a point arrives in one's spiritual journey where you feel completely detached from your chart or equally proximate/distant from every placement. It is the working of the ego that makes one over identify with one placement or another as a way to classify our experiences/personalities. By transcending the ego, we'll stop caring.

I think the whole chart affects an individual not just their big 3 and I take atmakaraka/amatyakaraka/lagna lord/1h & 2h placements/conjunction/debilitated/exalted planets etc into consideration as well.

Also check your d9 chart

You can relate to Venusian energies for so many different reasons (maybe check your dasha? see if you're experiencing Venus mahadasha or antardasha??)

I don't think it's healthy to obsess over dominance and I also don't think it's healthy to want to be any planet/nak?? That's literally the ego at play. Everybody wants to be Venusian but tbh Venus is as full of pros & cons as any other planet, it's not in any way shape or form "better". You can relate to something without labelling yourself as a Venusian? If I had Saturn ak and I related to that placement a lot, I wouldn't start calling myself a Saturnian. At the end of the day, it's all energies and let's not make this an American personality test type fixation

[dangermousie]

Cang Xuan preparing food for Princess Picky personally, despite his exhaustion, because he couldn't for Xiao Yao when they were kids made me think of something.

It's not that Cang Xuan is an unkind person per se. Not at all. Those he loves, he gives his all to - look how tenderly and unstintingly he treats even a mere substitute for Xiao Yao. He is kind and considerate and tender to those who he loves. But only to those he loves. We see the difference in how he treats Xiao Yao after he knows who she is and before, when he thinks that's some random small town physician. The former gets all his care and the latter gets the worms eating her hands. Xiao Yao's personality and character and actions haven't changed, but who she is to him has and so we have this vast difference.

And it makes no difference for XY that he's like that because he's her brother and her closest living family (she is removed from her grandfather and father) and she loves him the way one loves family UNLESS it ever would try to change to a romantic relationship. Because if he's her brother, the relationship is sort of baked in - siblings are siblings regardless of how badly it can go (after all, Tushan Jing and his monster of a brother will unfortunately always be siblings and the latter disassembled the former), but if he wants to move it from cousins who treat each other as siblings to romance (ie people with no familial bond) territory, she can't and won't for a lot of reasons but one of them are the limits of his kindness. It is natural enough to be kind to those you love. But what concerns her, and the reason she reiterates more than once she wants Jing is that the latter is kind to everyone. Hell, the man doesn't want revenge on his torturer even and he's kind to his awful fiance and unpleasant grandma. Xiao Yao, on a basic level, cannot trust she is lovable, that she is someone a person can CHOOSE to love forever - she's had so much abandonment in her life by those who owed her to love her - her family - that it broke something in her on a deeply fundamental level. That is where her wanting a dependent man who will see nothing but her comes in too, but also there is a deep belief that she can't keep anyone's love, not really. So Jing's dependency is Plan A but his kindness is Plan B. She wants someone who will be so devoted to her she will be his one meaning BUT if that devotion fails and love dies (as deep down she believes is inevitable), she wants someone so kind who will still be kind and good to her (and thus won't leave or at least treat her gently) even if he doesn't love her any more, even if he dislikes her.

I remember people being driven mad that Jing didn't seek revenge and/or didn't kick his fiancee to the curb and told granny to shut it but it's that Victorian heroine inability to hurt anyone's feelings, even people who he dislikes at best, is exactly what draws her to him. I mean, why does she give him her magic blood that cures him? He was going to die and there was no indication she going to, after all. It's because of this:

His being almost dead but holding out his hand all night so the hot wax won't fall on her face.

I find it such an interesting thing that the heroine chooses a man on the basis of his gentleness and kindness. It's such a gender role reversal within a narrative.

PS I remember people who didn't like her canon choice complaining that she picked him due to her trauma, if she didn't have it, she'd have picked X instead. I mean, probably true. If she didn't have her trauma she may very well not paid attention to him. Equally, if he didn't have his trauma, he may have very well not paid attention to her. But so what? We are the sum of our experience. To say that if one had a different life one would be a different person with different choices is tautological. We don't have other characters with other lives - we have who we have and they make choices according to that.

[sysmedsaresexist]

your (idk who I'm talking about exactly lol) post where you talk about endo research and anti-endo being a dying stance is really cool actually. also cool cat in a plastic bag image.

while we are on this topic, what does one mean by "endo-neutral"? I fail to see the gray area between being pro- and anti-endo - one either accepts that endos exist and experience plurality or refuses to accept their existence and experiences. or they don't know anything about it, which is a completely separate thing as these people haven't formed any opinions yet, therefore they are not endo-neutral.

thank you in advance for enlightening! if you ever will answer, that is.

I make the same expression as that cat every time I open the syscourse tags

(None of this is meant directly at you, I really appreciate the ask)

Endo neutral is a personal label that could mean literally anything under the sun.

I've written several times about my issues with labels. To sum it up...

CDDs are trauma-based disorders and endogenic plurality is different.

What stance is that?

An anti endo and a pro endo could have the exact same stance. They could be best friends sharing all the resources but instead they're divided by pro vs anti. Maybe it would be more appropriate if we labeled each side by whether they think shared spaces are a good thing, it would tell us just as little as pro/anti endo.

All of this applies to endo neutral, too, but endo neutral gets a few extra fun options.

So, hot take:

👏 you 👏 are 👏 allowed 👏 to 👏 be 👏 neutral 👏

An even more important hot take:

Take care of yourself FIRST, always.

Any discourse can be absolute hell on your mental health. This isn't just about syscourse.

For the longest time, the vast majority of people using endo neutral were looking to stay out of syscourse entirely because it was draining on their mental health.

Now, it seems to be more of a slightly anti leaning, I don't know enough label, but many still use it for their mental health. It's impossible to engage in system spaces without syscourse coming up. It's slowly making its way into other communities, completely unrelated to systems-- random game communities, for example.

IMO, syscourse is inescapable in all spaces. It will eventually come up in some capacity.

The neutral label, in my opinion, is the best way to shut down syscourse related topics in inappropriate spaces.

The problem boils down to...

Even that statement can be said to be anti leaning. By allowing the conversation to be shut down, I am... fuck, take your pick. Shutting down endogenic voices, not allowing misinformation to be cleared up, system-phobic. Any number of ridiculous things. There will be SOMEONE who wants to comment, "imagine saying this about trans issues 😤"

For all the talk of mental health safe spaces, we don't make the best attempts at keeping stressful discourse out of it.

Saying that doesn't negate the importance of those topics-- people are struggling daily. It's real.

But we all need downtime, too. Not all of us are capable of constant advocacy and arguments. Some of us are incredibly active in other discourse and our plates are already full.

This also means not policing the use of that label. There are some who use it for... not quite right reasons, but there are more people using it for genuine reasons, and that's more important.

That's got to be the Canadian in me. Our system is built on the premise that a small number of bad eggs misusing the system is worth it for the people who really need it.

TL;dr neutral means a lot of things, but IMO, it's mostly health related, and an important label because of that. Once again, always take care of yourself first and foremost.

[herbirdglitter]

Ao3 is down so here’s a really really silly Gimli/Legolas fanfiction I wrote for my own amusement

Aragorn stood with Gimli on the ramparts, looking out over the sea of Urukai steadily marching closer and closer. They would be there by nightfall, and there was nothing they could do that had not already be done. Nothing besides listen to the heavy tramp tramp tramp of the enemy’s footfalls in the distance and contemplate their impending doom. Gimli stood in silence, seemingly undaunted by the endless waves of foes flowing towards him. Aragorn was suddenly grateful for his steady presence, and his dwarven pragmatism. One could always count on Gimli to be the voice of reason in a room full of insanity. Well almost always, Aragorn supposed. Throw he and Legolas in a room together and all bets were off. Ever since their first meeting, they had displayed a natural talent for driving all rational thoughts from each other’s heads. Nowadays, of course, they were friends, and their irrationality usually presented itself in nonsensical debates as opposed to vicious arguments, which made a nice change.

Speaking of Legolas… the elf in question came bounding up, taking the wallstairs two at a time, looking decidedly excited and sporting a mad twinkle in his eye. Both Gimli and Aragorn turned to greet their friend. He didn’t give them time.

“Aragorn, I have an idea. It is not without fault but it might just give us an edge.”

“Well let us hear it then,” said Aragorn, clapping him on the shoulder. Any ideas were heartily welcome, and Legolas had plenty of useful experience. Legolas hesitated, and glanced down at Gimli.

“There now, out with it lad,” said Gimli. “Let’s hear your plan.”

“There is the fault,” said Legolas. “I fear that it might cause offence in some way.”

“And how is that possible?” asked Gimli.

“It involves me kissing you,” replied Legolas evenly. Aragorn was suddenly quite certain that his optimism had been premature. Gimli’s eyebrows shot up.

“Well now we have to hear it,” he said with interest, and, it should be noted, not looking remotely offended.

“I agree,” Aragorn said flatly. “I would dearly love to know you plan to save us by kissing our dwarf.”

“Then hear this.” Legolas gathered them together so that they were all three facing one another in a tight circle, his hands on each of their shoulders. “The Uruks will be here at nightfall, yes? And we have too few men. Yet we are not without advantages. We have courage, and strength, and most importantly, brains. We have some of the finest, most experienced battle strategists in all of Ennor right here in our walls. We would be fools to waste that advantage. What we need is something bold, unthought of, a move they would never conceive of in a million years.”

“And this, I suppose, is where kissing Gimli comes into it.” Aragorn wondered whether it was too late to find new companions.

“Precicely. It is the last thing they would expect. If Gimli and I go behind the stables and kiss-”

“They’ll never see it coming,” finished Gimli.

“Do not tell me you’re going along with this, Gimli,” Aragorn groaned. Gimli only grinned. “And then what happens?”

“Pardon?”

“What is the rest of your plan?”

“In all honesty, I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” Legolas said with a winning smile. Gimli’s grin somehow got even wider. Aragorn squinted at both of them. “So to sum up, the entirety of your plan consists of you kissing Gimli behind the stables?”

“It just might work,” said Gimli, stroking his chin.

“I’m sorry?” asked Aragorn, trying to shake the notion that he’d been hit over the head with a shovel.

“I’ll admit, it is a bit far fetched, but if it has even the slightest chance of working, is it not our duty to try?” Saying so, Gimli covered Legolas’s hand far too tenderly with his own.

“What could that possibly do?!” Aragorn spluttered.

“We have no way of knowing,” said Legolas. “But Aragorn, if we survive this, how could any of us go home to our families with our heads held high, knowing we had not done all we could to save as many lives as possible?” He gazed at him imploringly.

“Besides,” said Gimli, taking Legolas’ hand and pulling him towards the wallstairs. “I don’t see you coming up with any better ideas.” Together, they skipped off down the stairs, giggling like children. At least some people were enjoying themselves.

Aragorn turned back to stare out over the flatlands, and wondered if it were too late to change careers. He soon saw the funny side however, and removed himself to a quiet corner to laugh. It wouldn’t do to let the army see him cackling alone like a madman in the face of their impending demise. And when Eomer arrived in search of the Mirkwood prince, Aragorn informed him in the most dignified of manners that Legolas could be found showing Gimli an elven battle techniques behind the stables, and that he would no doubt welcome his input. Watching Eomer do a swift about face at the stable corner and march away scrubbing at his eyes and shaking his head raised Aragorn’s spirits tremendously, enough to carry the night through. So in a way, Legolas was right. Kissing Gimli did give them an edge after all

[titaniasthings]

Weasley Family Dynamics as a quidditch team

I reread Orchards by @whinlatter and it's really got me thinking about Weasley kid family dynamics. So here's a not well-articulated long meta :)

The analogy? Metaphor? A comparison I can make that sums up the dynamics well is the kids as a quidditch team.

First, you have your Keeper, that's Ron, who does exactly what it sounds like. I think Ron can function as a literal and emotional maintenance of his family. We see him be a buffer between his siblings during conflicts, comfort his mom when she's distraught, and experience genuine depression when he's not around them.

During Harry and Ron's fight in Deathly Hallows, Ron's boiling point is Harry's "impassiveness" for the other Weasley's safety.

"Didn't you hear what they said about my sister? But you didn't give a rat's fart, do you, it's only the Forbidden Forest,... Yea, I get it you don't care! And what about the rest of my family, 'the Weasleys don't need another kid injured ,' did you hear that?"(Deathly Hallows 347).

Being apart from his family, that keeper role, only exacerbated his insecurity about being a failure. Ron is the sibling that takes after his mother the most. He looks after his siblings and their well-beings no matter how unintentional. This includes Harry and Hermione as well. As we see him grow up, we see him accept this role more because he loses the need for external validation.

Next are our Chasers, Bill, Charlie, and Ginny, which you could argue are the main characters of the game. They do the most gameplay and have the important role of scoring the points. Bill, Charlie, Ginny are they only kids to leave the country for work. In the family, we see them develop similarly personality-wise. They all have lives and experiences outside their family, but that doesn't takeaway from their duty to their families.

"You all right ," said Bill, grinning at Harry and shaking his hand. "Charlie wanted to come, but he couldn't get time off. He said you were incredible against the Horntail." (Goblet of Fire 608).

They are the epitome of the Weasley brand. The cool kids of the family. They're funny, popular, and confident. The favorites.

This dynamic between the siblings changes depending. Bill and Charlie get to be role models to their other siblings because their the oldest. Ginny has the role of being the family mascot. After all the Weasley's have left Hogwarts, her presence is vital to the school. In the family, They are a living representation and reminder of the values that the family was brought up with. This informs their relationship with her brothers(i.e. Ron always wanting to protect Ginny).

The next positions are the Beaters, Fred and George. Beaters are some of the lesser essential players, but they make the game interesting. Without them quidditch would not be as dangerous nor as fun. Remember how I said Ginny was the Weasley mascot? Well Fred and George are too in a more literal way. They bring the fun to the family, the jokes, the bants. They are also the center of most family conflicts.

"She's furious at them anyway. They didn't get as many O.W.L.s as she expected," (Goblet of Fire 59)

They fail to meet their parents(Molly's fairly reasonable) expectations repeatedly and often go head to head with their parents(Molly) about it. This affects the dynamics of the family because conflict builds bonds. All the siblings love each other, but they do fight. When Fred and George cause conflicts, it stirs throughout the whole house. It forces the siblings closer together or farther apart.

Prefacing this by saying, I don't blame Fred and George for every conflicts that happens or think they do anything any other brother wouldn't. Their role here is important in deepening the relationships of the siblings.

Although I am Team Fred's death was unnecessary and lazy, I do like to think about how his death made the siblings a millions times closer as adults. The twins create challenge that make "the game" better.

Last but certainly not least, our Seeker, Percy Weasley. Like Percy, The seeker is often alone, spectating for most of the game. Percy is a lone wolf in his family. He's without a pair and at first glance doesn't necessarily fit into the group. He's stern, meticulous, and uptight. To many outlookers, it's a wonder he made it into Gryffindor. He is very much a Gryffindor, just not on the same scale or intensity of his siblings.

Percy has a different perspective of the same Gryffindor/ Weasley values. He, as a Seeker, isn't in the game but sees things other's would miss.

"He said he's been having to struggle against Dad's reputation ever since joined the Ministry and that Dad's got no ambition and that's why we've always been --you know-- not had a lot of money, I mean--" (Order of the Phoenix 93).

Percy does value family, the reputation of his family. We can't expect Percy to not want to succeed and want more for them. He's the 3rd oldest and saw his mother raise his family(basically by herself)on his father's low-income salary. He saw his siblings get bullied, his mother be shamed, and even his siblings get physically hurt. In his eyes, it's selfish for his father and his brothers not to want more.

Percy's role is to be an outsider and look in places the others wouldn't. He finds success and happiness in ways the other's wouldn't have known. Would the twins have pushed for WWW, if not to prove Percy wrong? Like the twins, he pushes his siblings to think more and do more.

He may be wrong sometimes but he means well. He'll also pull through in the end.

All in all, the Weasley children are a well-oiled team. They love each other and need one other. There's a reason Harry chose this family to latch on to. I'll continue obsessing over them in my head.

[theintrovertbean]

My statement about the drama

Hello!

This post will be about the whole Rai drama that they orchestrated against @asrabounding. But first, I would kindly ask anyone who hasn't read the post by @iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia, aka brainrot, to do so. It can be quite triggering, so please, be mindful of that and make sure to put yourself first. The same warning applies to my own post.

First, I want to apologize. I did bad stuff, and I've been doing my best to mend my mistakes. I'm very sorry about the things I've done, but especially about the things I could have prevented. My friends got hurt because of something I was a part of and could have avoided if I wasn't scared to stand up for others and myself.

This is going to be a long post. Sorry about that too, but this whole drama was simply a lot.

Brainrot's part perfectly sums up what happened, but since I was there from the beginning of the drama, it would be fair to add some things from my own POV. It isn't nearly as professional as brainrot's statement, and it's more about my personal experience, which I think shows how this drama affected the well-being of the people involved. Again, this is my experience, but we all share the feelings.

The first time I posted from this account on Tumblr was in July 2022, and Rai reached out to me on November 1. Apparently, I was too intimidating, but as it turns out, Rai just needed me (and other people) for their plans. They specifically wanted to involve mainly Nadia fans, so it was only a matter of time before they messaged me.

Why Nadia fans, you might ask? Well, we could sit here all night and take guesses because no one knows for certain. Rai only pretended to like Nadia (because wanting to kill her is enough proof that they didn't like her), so their reason must have been something psychological. But again, we can't know for certain. Sadly, their actions put us Nadia fans in a bad light, and their friendship was never genuine.

I have a guess that Rai had been stalking a few bigger creators for a while and just waiting for one of them to make a mistake. Asrabounding (AB from now on) happened to be the unlucky one.

Honestly, I didn't know AB at all. We never interacted, and the first time I ever heard about him was through Rai. At the beginning of December 2022, Rai told our server about AB and how he and his girlfriend were harassing their "boi," Panda, who was completely incapable of taking care of himself, at least according to Rai.

I spoke to Panda a few times during the drama; he is nothing like Rai described, which You can tell by the screenshots as well. He is overly friendly and tends to overshare, and I would say he is pure evil, but that adjective would be far too generous in his case. I also have to add that there is no evidence of Rai and Panda being two different people. I've looked through my DMs, and a few servers that Rai is/was in and found zero traces of them ever having a conversation. I also asked around, and no one has ever seen these two interact with each other. Once, we even asked Rai to invite Panda to their server because we all wanted to get to know him, but they immediately refused, saying he is too soft and all kinds of weird things to say about one's partner. I suppose it would be hard to text from two accounts simultaneously.

The private server that Rai created was made in November, around the time when the drama began. It's crucial to mention that none of us knew AB. This allowed Rai to portray AB however they wanted.

There are screenshots in the pdf from the DMs between Rai and me. They told me quite a few things but purposefully left out important details. The screenshots Rai sent me were always sent in a way that would make AB seem like the worst person to ever exist. I (and the server) also received altered versions of AB's art, which were edited in a way to make it seem like AB was making Asra whiter or orange. Additionally, Rai maliciously gathered personal information about AB and his loved ones, which is both legally and morally wrong.

The call-out blog happened and didn't gain much attention, which was quite disappointing to Rai, but failure didn't stop them. They recruited more people for the sole purpose of hurting AB. We retreated to Rai's server until the previous drama, where Rai popped up every once in a while to stir up our anger and disturb our conversations.

Then we arrive at the latest drama. Rai's efforts paid off. One of our friends did a call-out post, and things went crazy. I don't have to describe what happened because it's in brainrot's statement, but there is one thing that I really want to highlight. Rai did nothing. Everything we did was because of them and their "boi," and they just watched us all get burned.

At some point, brainrot presented us with an opportunity to make peace with AB. Two of us even volunteered to talk to him, myself included. Rai didn't even react while everyone else was looking forward to ending the drama. Actually, Rai was unusually quiet. They gave us an excuse for being less active and just left us to deal with their mess.

When brainrot left, I almost immediately reached out to him for two reasons. 1. He is my friend. I was concerned about his well-being and wanted to make sure he was alright. 2. I was physically and mentally sick of the drama and considered leaving the server myself. There were days when I could barely function because of the anxiety I felt. I was a mess. Everyone was, but never Rai. I felt like I was in the middle of a battlefield, watching my friends get slaughtered while the person behind it all, Rai, was having the time of their life far away in a luxury tent. I desperately wanted to end that.

On multiple occasions, I muted the server for hours and sometimes even days because I could not deal with Rai. There was a clear hierarchy, and Rai would constantly try to compete with us and bring us down. Everyone else was behaving like normal human beings, and then Rai would randomly show up to pollute the air with their "hee hoos" and disturbing stories they claimed were true.

The same person who said they were gathering courage for months to text me never showed any care, remorse, or fear during our nine months of "friendship." Also, the very same person would go around texting random people on Tumblr, checking how intelligent and "mentally stimulating" (they said that, not me) they are, and trying to figure out if they hate Dorian and/or Asrabounding. They were also looking for people in a more vulnerable position, such as those who were new to the fandom and/or lonely. When everything on the list was ticked off, Rai invited them to their server. For privacy reasons, I'm not going to say an exact number, but about ten of us were "recruited."

Brainrot and I talked a bit, we both vented, and we eventually reached the point where I said that I would talk to AB just to end this madness. And so I did with brainrot's help, even though it horrified me, but I knew I had to do it for others. I expected AB to be just as Rai presented him to us, but he wasn't. The AB I was talking to was kind, understanding, cooperative, and tired of everything that had been going on. It often made me wish I met AB sooner than Rai. Our conversations with AB were and still are civil and friendly, and I am nothing but thankful to him. We compared our notes, then brainrot and I went back to DMs for a while to discuss everything.

We realized that 1. Everything Rai said about AB was a lie, and Rai just wanted to hurt him. 2. Rai lied to us and used several manipulation tactics on us. 3. Our friends were unsafe.

To include a lie, once, Rai texted me to ask if I wanted to know their legal name. They told me that they were named after a character from an anime. Later, I found from a friend that Rai told her their name too. It was from the same anime but a different character's name. This was just one example.

So we made a plan, and we had to act fast. I quickly gathered a few screenshots from the server that we could use, then we texted everyone involved about the news. Thank gayness, everything instantly clicked for the vast majority of our friends. It was tough, exhausting, and very emotional. Being betrayed by someone we considered a friend was no joke. Honestly, have never felt so much anxiety in my life. It was suffocating.

Then, three of us deleted every channel in Rai's server (every member had maximum permissions). In the meantime, we made a server of our own, a safe place where we could heal together, continue our friendship, and discuss what we were going to do next.

And that's how we got to brainrot's post. I created a document and put in whatever screenshots I had from Rai's server and my DMs. Then I asked everyone to send me all the screenshots they wanted us to include, and I put those in too. That pdf is the fruit of multiple days of work and immeasurable disgust. Even putting it together almost made me throw up more than once. It was available to everyone involved (our friends and AB as well) from start to finish. They were all free to make edits, give suggestions, and add screenshots if they wanted. AB added the anons he received and a bunch of other screenshots. Brainrot wrote his statement, and I did the group's, which is one of the reasons I didn't want to make another one. In the meantime, we found out more about Rai, and it was not pretty; the screenshots prove it all.

This wasn't the first time Rai tried to take someone down, and they bragged about it multiple times. They were also quite proud of how they were able to manipulate people. I mean, just look at what they said about how they got together with their "boi." We know of two people in the fandom who were hurt by Rai. From what I know, unlike AB, they weren't content creators. My assumption is that doing the same thing over again wasn't giving Rai the same thrill anymore, so they wanted to target someone bigger. Bigger drama = more pleasure for Rai.

There was one person who got kicked from the server because they didn't hate Lucio. Rai provoked them to make them act out of character, which resulted in a kick and ban. There were others that Rai wanted to kick out but didn't because they were still needed for the drama.

The things Rai sometimes said about characters and the people who like them were sickening. They constantly described Lucio as a mass murderer and a r*pist and harassed anyone who didn't agree with their opinions. Rai also headcanoned that Lucio SAd Nadia during their marriage. And a lot of other things...

We had to tiptoe around Rai all the time because being kicked out of the server wouldn't have been a big deal, but being separated from our friends against our will was not something any of us wanted. That small but loving community we created for ourselves (Rai excluded) was why we stayed on that server in the first place.

But also, we were scared. Whenever Rai was present, they turned us into an angry mob. I don't know when we started to feel this way, but we were uncomfortable and wanted out. However, when we looked at each other, the angry mob was all we could see. Even when an individual was in doubt, the others still put on their angry mask, and that one person felt alone. I often felt like that too, but we all knew what Rai was capable of. We were already hurting, and we didn't want to unleash the angry mob against us. If Rai were to come after any of us, they would most definitely twist everything in a way to make themselves seem like the victim(s).

Soon after the server was gone and I was no longer talking to Rai, I realized that the hate I once felt wasn't my own.

Once again, I'm sorry about what happened. We all are. I apologize for the hurt I caused to everyone and take full responsibility for my actions. I never intended for things to escalate things this far, and I regret everything I've done. The things we did were not done with a clear mind. If it wasn't for Rai and their mind games, none of us would have done anything like this.

And Azi, I'm especially sorry to you. Despite everything we've done, you treated us with kindness and worked together with us to make the fandom a safer place. You have no idea how much this means. I'm thankful for the chance of getting to know the real you.

I also apologize to my followers for bringing drama onto my blog. While I'm open to questions about what happened, I would like to get back to writing my silly little headcanons like I did before. I'm an open book, but simping for Nadia is why I made this blog in the first place. The good thing is that now I'm able to do the things I've always wanted without Rai constantly reminding me why this and that is so bad. And who knows, maybe you'll see me bring some Nadia content to a different platform as well...

Our friend group, I apologize to you as well because I didn't protect you when I could have. Things would have been different if I wasn't so scared.

Azi, Brainrot, and friends. Thank you for everything. Your support and cooperation helped all of us through these hard times, and I hope we can continue to heal together.

I don't expect forgiveness from anyone because what happened is truly horrible. While countless lies and manipulation were involved, a simple apology won't undo the harm we caused. We have been doing our best to make up for our mistakes and will continue to do so in the future as well. However, please, please be careful. Rai is still a threat, so if you see them anywhere, just run. Protect yourselves and, if you can, others as well. Please, stay safe and learn from our horrible mistakes.

-Eszter

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.185 thoughts

[The New York Soup Stock Exchange]

(Contents: thematic analysis)

I've been thinking a lot about Tozuka's editor saying that Undead Unluck's slogan would be "let's enjoy life," and maybe it's a matter of translation, but to me, it seems like every word of that slogan has meaning

"Enjoy life" is easy enough to see the significance of, but I'm willing to bet most people who read that discount the "let's"

To me, though, that phrase isn't a command, it's an invitation: it's not telling you to go out and enjoy your life, it's asking you to enjoy life with others. We all should enjoy our lives, together, and this chapter illustrates that concept beautifully

In shonen battle manga, togetherness is most readily conveyed through standing united against a common enemy, but that's not really applicable to most people's lives. However, there is one way to show togetherness that I think pretty much anyone anywhere can relate to: sharing meals

Family gatherings, holiday parties, celebrating special occasions, or even smaller occasions like dates or regular lunch breaks, the number one way that people spend time together is just grabbing a bite to eat. Any given cooking manga, like Food Wars or Toriko, capitalize on this throughout their entire runs, but even manga without a focus on food like One Piece, Dr. Stone or even Cipher Academy often feature their cast savoring delicious food in each other's company

Undead Unluck is no stranger to this, like with the cherry blossom viewing as Spring died in the previous loop, but this is the first time that we've focused on the creation and consumption of a singular dish in this series. The cooking process is just as important as the dish itself, and while Enjin has experience, Fuuko has love: a group of friends who will face any challenge with her, and who she has a strong enough understanding of to be able to create something greater than the sum of its parts. In a way, that's what the Union is: a hotpot of disparate ingredients brought together and harmonizing to create something incredible

I've noted before that very few fights in Undead Unluck are one-on-one, but one-vs.-many is a pretty common setup: Union vs. Victor, AnFuu+RipLa vs. Autumn, and, most notably, AnFuu+ShenMui vs. Feng. Unlike Feng, Enjin definitely understands the concept of cooking/fighting with love, but just like Feng, Enjin operates alone, taking on every aspect of the cooking process by himself while Fuuko has split up the responsibilities based on everyone's strengths. This is exemplified best through his taste test, where the panel zooms out to show his single silhouette struggling to cool down his broth while Fuuko and friends continue cooking. The wide empty space and his one shadow vs. the Union's three felt so incredibly lonesome

I won't dig too deep into Enjin's mentality or reasoning just yet, as I'm sure the next chapter will give me more than enough to work with on that front, but it's plain to see that Enjin isn't just solitary, he's isolated. Just like Feng, just like Billy, just like Rip, just like Andy. Did he choose to be this way like the former three, or did he find himself here like Andy? Again, we'll find out next week, but I'm willing to bet it's a little bit of both - something happened that pushed him away from others, and he chose to continue on alone

I'm really liking this arc so far, but I think the clincher is going to have to be Enjin's backstory. I like his design and personality, but for him to solidify himself in my heart like everyone else has before him, his story needs to move me. With everything we've seen in these last two chapters, though, I have no doubt that Tozuka will do just that with ease

Until next week, let's enjoy life

[gleefulpoppet]

I'm a person who rarely speaks up because I have too much social anxiety to do so, however, because this is something I'm very passionate about, I'd like to share a few thoughts. Being submissive does NOT mean someone is weak. Allowing someone to make you feel safe/cared for does not mean you can't take care of yourself or that you are some sort of pushover. True submissiveness is a gift, a willing surrender for a time to find something—whatever that might be for the submissive—and there are a million reasons why they would (safety, peace, mediation, cravings, kink fulfillment, healing, learning, exhaustion from self-berating, recharging, curiosity, stress relief, letting go of overwhelming responsibilities or self-imposed goals of perfectionism). There is so much strength and self-awareness in that. It's stunning to have that much trust.

We shouldn't mistake dominant personalities as 'strong' and able to 'take care of themselves,' sometimes the strongest among us are silently pleading for help. Just as the funniest among us are often the saddest and need our love. It's also time (way past time) to stop using the terms top/bottom interchangeably with dom/sub (personality wise or lifestyle wise). That goes for assigning "those roles" in terms of someone being masculine or feminine as if one of those is tied to either top/bottom or dom/sub exclusively—they aren't! Life is a nuanced dance in a full spectrum of experiences. There is no such thing as a person who is only one thing or the other—especially based on such clunky labels. It exercises our empathy muscles to try to imagine how each blorbo (or someone real in our life) could fit on that vast spectrum in different situations or times in their life.

There are so many misconceptions around this topic, and fanfic is full of horrific examples that perpetuate these stigmatisms and write submissiveness or submissives in cycles of abuse which is NOT what submissiveness is at all. (Insert dissertation) And along those lines, a dom/sub relationship doesn't have to involve "kink" stuff—ever. True, healthy dom/sub relationships are symbiotic and beautiful beyond words. We are all, each of us, a sum of infinite experiences, and will bring our own perspective to viewing our favorite characters, there's no one box on the spectrum we could ever all possibly agree on. And that's amazing, isn't it? It's wonderful, to allow space for all of us to see these blorbos as the rich, complex, miraculous characters they are.

[songsofbloodandwater]

3, 6, 8 for the April ask game

3. Share your favorite plant and some of your personal correspondences associated with it.

It's so hard to pick a favorite!!! why would you do this to me 😭 I'll put aside their medicinal properties and try to choose one for their magical correspondences. Roses. I use them most in offerings, for the altar, in powders and oils. As a whole, Rose represents the Ancestors, and each petal represents their teachings and their blessings in our lives. I use red roses more often, which can signify the entire court or just my maternal lineage, but white roses are also very special to me, as they represent my paternal lineage. The thorns (which can draw blood) remind us that we were built for our purpose and there's nothing the Ancestors will throw our way that we cannot handle. No matter the hardships, all we need is in our blood.

6. Would you ever consider charging money for a working or spell (aside from divination readings)? Why or why not?

It's... complicated. Short answer, it depends on what kind of work It'd be, what Spirits are involved in it, and whether they require an exchange to work (monetary or else) or if a monetary exchange would be considered offensive for one or many reasons.

Slightly longer answer, anything that is magic work or "witchcraft" in the more modern, wider, sense of the word, mostly yes, I can charge for at my own discretion, with some exceptions. For similar reasons as to why I cannot charge for most healing work I do. If the work, however complicated or simple, requires me using gifts passed down in the family, there's also orally passed down taboos around how to use them and what a fair exchange entails. Rules I have to follow. It's hard to put into words and I can't go into details here, you just know when it's right or not and it depends a lot on the specifics of each situation. Some kinds of work require a monetary exchange, because the Spirits involved do, for some kinds of work it's only up to me, but some I cannot ask for anything in return, money or else, even if It only involves myself. I swear it makes sense.

8. Do you consider yourself initiated, by either group, self, or spirit initiation? Share your experience if you're comfortable doing so.

Yes, I've been initiated and I'm currently training to be initiated again soon! In the words of my current teacher "in our cultures (Andean Indigenous Nations), initiations are rites of passage necessary to mark the end of your 'youth', of your training period, and the birth of your mature self. After your teacher has decided you're ready to fulfill your purpose and responsibilities, they anoint you and present you to the community as such, with your new title or name, for all to celebrate". My experiences are summed up below the cut:

Growing up in a family of folk healers and "magic people" meant I first needed to receive the teachings, blessings and approval of my own Elders. It's not "in spite of", it's because I come from a family with certain bloodborne gifts and responsibilities that the training has to start there, with our family, in our childhood. After that, and as is traditional for most andean nations, we keep learning and advancing our whole lives. It's not like you just have 1 (one) initiation, "master" one skillset, and you're done. You never really "master" anything. We're always looking for ways to learn more and grow as Healers. We stay in contact with other Indigenous practitioners of our own Nation and from other Indigenous Nations aswell, exchanging knowledge and experiences, learning new skills, and taking every opportunity to learn from Elders. We live in service and we're always seeking to be better and do better, and be able to do more. For ourselves and for others. A teacher told me recently "Healing you, I heal myself. Healing me, you heal yourself. And You healing Yourself, Heals Me too, as much as Me healing Myself heals You too." We're all connected in ways we often may not even realize, both socially and spiritually. Bettering ourselves means we can do better for us and for others, and as we take care of others, others care for us too.

Thank you for asking! 🤎

[marashi96art]

Questions for the fanfic writers about Leon S. Kennedy's lack of background story: How do you deal with it?

I've been haunted by this problem for MONTHS and I needed to spit it out. I feel like Tumblr is a better place for long text and reasoned discussion, and most importantly: fanfic writers.

It's long and I sincerely look forward to your opinions. Even though I only draw Cleon, I didn't mention any ship in this post so I won't add ship-related tags here; if you're gonna list examples based on your ship, please respect each other.

So hear me out:

The best part and the worst part about Leon S. Kennedy is that HE DOESN'T HAVE A BACKGROUND STORY and a CONSISTENT characteristic development...and it's driving me insane.

The benefit of it is that I can shape his past into whoever I want to fit my stories. But it brings out a bigger problem: the development is solely depending on my understanding & knowledge of character design. He's pretty much a blank sheet of paper, except he's extremely famous, and I don't want to stray too far away from the canon info that we've got on him(and get "canceled" for OOC).

(I don't actually write stories into fics, but I DO write short scripts for my art when they are intended to be a series. I guess the prep work to start anything is the same: write it down in words, then expand the idea.)

I love AUs and I'm more interested in sci-fi/fantasy than modern/zombie-apocalypse kinda thing. But when I wanted to dig deep into their backgrounds, to start world-building, there's NOTHING for me. It's so frustrating.

For example, I'm currently working on a Monster Hunter AU based on the RE4R DLC Hero Outfit, which basically is the whole RE gang running around in the woods hunting supernatural creatures. (Not just CAPCOM's MH series but with the general mythical creatures, werewolves .etc)

And they have a Hunter's Guild, different tribes and clans, you know the drill. Since the setting was in a fantasy world, their surnames have caused me great pain from the start.

The easiest one is Redfield. It can be interpreted as "fertile land" or "battleground", and from these I immediately have quite a few visual ideas of how they'd look like, and what they'd do for a living. Chambers, Valentine, and Oliveira are "OK", but the surname Kennedy doesn't fit in ANYWHERE.

(Yes, I googled. It's Irish; but let's be honest, our first impression was a certain American political family.)

Then I read this article that shares a similar concern: Is Resident Evil 4’s Leon S. Kennedy Italian? An investigation

It pretty much sums up the most common FANDOM theories of Leon's background info. But all of them are still just, headcanons.

The more I try to dig in, the lack of this crucial element--a character's canon background story--is really blocking me to create things I enjoy. Even though I've been drawing him for almost 50 pieces of fan art, I still don't know what he's actually like. I can only imagine his personality by referencing other fictional characters/actors whom I think share a resemblance. (I have a soft spot for Keanu Reeves, Faramir from TLOR, and Sanji from One Piece. But that's another story for another time.)

Of course, I'm aware of the fact that, instead of spending this huge amount of time to rewrite a fictional character I don't own, I can create my own OCs and build everything from scratch. But that's not the point. I only started playing video games in 2019 when I bought a Nintendo Switch; and my first-ever, modern game experience was Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

The whole game-wise fandom and RE series are pretty new to me. But I've been in fandoms of books/movies/TV shows for over a decade. It shocked me that Resident Evil, this world-popular series has almost 30 years of history but non of the main characters have a consistent background that follows through the in-game timeline. There're huge gaps between the games even if we add all of the movies in it. How did that work? How do you get to know them? How do you get attached enough to write your own fan story?

In conclusion, I don't think I like Leon S. Kennedy, cuz he remains a mystery. Instead, I just combine all of the good qualities of other characters I like, create my version of Leon Kennedy, and hopefully pray that when he reappears in a new RE work, I didn't do him wrong.