#we almost died multiple times
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cheriboms · 1 year ago
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doctober day 26: anniversary
my one (1) allotted classic bttf redraw 😙
[bonus under the cut lol]
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hearteyespierce · 3 months ago
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god the hits really don’t stop fucking coming do they.
#genuinely cannot take much more of this#i hit my limit about 4 weeks ago#and it just won’t fucking stop#coming up on six weeks of having varying levels of Horrors(tm) happening to me on a weekly basis#and sometimes multiple Horrors(tm) in a week#lost my job#my cat died#had an asbestos scare#my partner’s cat almost died#he had to have emergency surgery#and then when he came home had to go straight back to the emergency vet to have emergency surgery a second time bc they fucked up#had a huge fight with my partner bc oh yeah this whole time we’ve also been moving!!!#but there was some stupidly unnecessary drama around the security deposit/getting the old house clean#and this whole time while grieving and losing my income and all of this shit I am also still a disabled/chronically ill person#so I’m forcing my body to keep working through increasingly instense flare ups#on top of all of this we have a houseguest who has vastly overstayed their welcome.#they’ve been here for SIX WEEKS and are showing no signs of going home#so much shit has happened in the past six weeks that I don’t even know if I’m remembering all of it here in these tags#and now. I have been denied for unemployment and received a notice that I have to pay back what they already paid me#bc i ‘missed the deadline to verify my identity’#except they NEVER SENT ME THE IDENTITY VERIFICATION LETTER#I’ve been keeping an eye out for it and I’ve kept every letter I’ve received from them#nothing has the verification password.#I filed an appeal but the confirmation page said it could take weeks to get a hearing#so what the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime#i wish I were fucking dead to be honest#that would be preferable to the last six weeks
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tiffany-smith · 4 months ago
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Is it just me or does Katniss always saying she can't do without the "boy with the bread" just... a trauma response?
Like I totally agree that she also loves him, that it's thematically relevant to the message Suzanne Collins was trying to convey, and so on... it's a good match...
But I definitely read there being at least a little trauma response in her NEEDING him like that.
She almost starved to death and he rescued her. She even has a permanent connection between him and the idea to go hunting to sustain her family.
In her psyche, Peeta is her savior. Of course she needs him. Of course she clings to him in life-and-death situations, when she's afraid, etc. Of course "it was always going to happen."
Gale said once, "the only thing I had going for me was that'd I could protect your family." (Paraphrased)
But Peeta, indirectly, at least in Katniss's view, has done all that and more. Katniss would never even have MET Gale if it wasn't for Peeta.
Perhaps it's just the canon explanation for an IRL predetermined outcome, but the role of trauma in Katniss' psyche deserves to be talked about.
#This is one reason I never read romantic interest into the way Katniss thinks about Peeta#For one I don't believe “I need him emotionally” is a valid reason to be in a relationship#That's just unhealthy I'm sorry girl#*she is very much allowed to be unhealthy BTW#She's Katniss Everdeen from District 12 she's the very definition of unhealthy in a lot of ways#I definitely think Peeta is good for her also#But yeah it was that and also the constant 'boy with the bread' screamed yeah#She's fixated on that one moment#Which is reasonable and expected of course#But eventually it got to the point where it was like. Okay. Isn't he the boy who saved your life a couple times over now?#Hasn't he done anything LATELY to deserve your love and trust?#Do you see him as a human being HERE AND NOW or just the idealized stranger who saved you from certain starvation the one time?#And yeah I can also see it developing into a cute nickname or tradition#Sort of the way the fandom uses it#But it's roots are in trauma and obsession and the psychological impact of that is hard to ignore#Like I love everlark#There are many posts that have expounded on its narrative virtues much better than I could do#And yes its also very sweet#But every time 'boy with the bread' is invoked its like. Okay she's running on trauma here. Not love#why is one of the multiple times she almost died STILL relevant? Can't we move on?#Like YES its cute and I like it for that. But I want some sort of explanation from the psychological side#the hunger games#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#Everlark
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echidnana · 2 months ago
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ok yeah finished pmmm and even vaguely knowing the ending already we were still floored
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desertsportshipping · 1 year ago
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Wes hated Chairman Rose on principle. A big businessman who makes performative gestures to cover for all the shady shit Macro Cosmos was doing. He was the head of the League, bringing entertainment to all of Galar! What kind of clout chasing asshole would you have to be to criticize Rose?
He was too similar to Es Cade for Wes’s liking.
His hatred deepened when he went exploring the Galar mines for the first time, tasked with retrieving Leon from the maze of tunnels into the earth. He could spot every single poorly maintained beam, every rusty pulley, every failure of safety protocol. The mine wasn't on the brink of disaster, but it was heading there through negligence.
Wes had seen firsthand what the failure of one bolt could do. Orre used to be a thriving desert, filled with flora and Pokefauna, made up of underground mining towns connected to the surface through one or two way towns. But one bolt in a support beam of one mine failed, and the mine collapsed. In a series of explosive chain reactions, town after underground town collapsed, spilling out toxic fumes that wiped out almost everything. Even to this day, there are no wild Pokemon, and the scars of the catastrophic event can be felt by the region's few hundred inhabitants.
Wes had been one of the unlucky survivors. No one went out into the desolate wasteland looking for survivors: only criminals looking for corpses to rob. One Team Snagem member realizing that he had been still breathing was all it took to seal his fate.
When Wes had found Leon, he had grabbed the man's hand and refused to let go, guiding them out of the labyrinthine death trap of a man. Chairman Rose was waiting outside with his secretary, and his flippant attitude to making sure that the mine was safe, that the lives of people now were not as important as hypothetical people in the future, made Wes's blood boil.
He kept his mouth shut. He kept his mouth shut about the veiled disgust in Rose's eyes when he saw Wes holding Leon's hand, as if he were Muk, dirtying the Champion with gross Orre germs (although Oleana's disgust was much more obvious). He kept his mouth shut through the patronizing comments about how he wouldn't understand Rose's grand vision of the future. He kept his mouth shut, because he knew his reputation was of the suspicious Orre foreigner and speaking up will just hurt his chances further.
Wes Wolf was named after Lycanroc, a species of hunters. He noticed how vigorously Leon defended him, staying by his side as the cracks started to form in the already tenuous relationship between Leon and Rose. He noticed how Oleana kept glaring at Rose with daggers when the man wasn't looking, how she was probably planning on usurping her boss and taking control of the company. He noticed how Rose omitted a lot in his description of the ideal future, as if he only cared about the future because it was something he could shape to his worldview.
A hunter knows when to wait for the optimal time to strike. So Wes bit his tongue and waited, because he is the Desert Bandit, Apex Predator of Orre, Protector of the Wilds, and Chairman Rose is his prey.
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t4tstarvingdog · 1 year ago
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had a really good dream and then it was a lucid dream and then it WASNT a lucid dream and a clown was trying to kill me and this lady in a fun house and i just fucking realised why time was moving so slowly when i was jumping down from a platform and running etc before the dream got bad
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sonicenvy · 2 years ago
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gotta love that my immune system has thus far been awesome at keeping me from getting the virus™ but awful at keeping me from getting skin cancer. what gives body???? what gives???
i am (once again) cancer free as of this morning's fun (/s in case that wasn't abundantly clear) surgery, but still twice in six months??? there is obviously something fucked up about my skin. once again: hey body what the actual fuck??
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endlessfuckup · 2 months ago
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Are you okay?
Not really :/
Constantly dealing with one traumatic/chaotic event after another
#moms in the hospital again#we are not on good terms at all honestly she was and is a terrible person to me#but its almost always preventable shit#2nd time in a year that I've had to call 911 for her#because she refused to deal with very easily treatable infections before they became life threatening#she now has terminal cancer for the same reason#she was very obviously sick for nearly 2 years before she finally had to be taken to the ER#rn she has multiple infections and brain swelling+potential sepsis (again) because she refused to go to the hospital for the past week or so#its not that she cannot care for herself at all#she is physically and mentally capable of caring for herself in many ways#at least enough to care for herself on a basic level#but she just refuses to do so#the only reason shes been doing chemo for the past 3 years is so she can smoke more cigarettes#she has been smoking 2-3 packs a day for as long as I have been alive#she hasn't slowed down even a little bit#she has talked/asked/argued with me about cigarettes several times since shes been in the hospital (3 days)#she is the worst addict I have ever known and my whole family was/is filled with all different kinds of addicts#pills alcohol heroin pcp meth#anything you can think of someone in my family is addicted to it/has died from it#her addiction to cigarettes is by far the worst out of everyone#worst addict I have ever met#she could be in a house fire and she would use the flames to light a cigarette before thinking about calling 911#If I could leave I would#I have no way out at the moment#I dont make enough to save up because I am financially supporting 2 people and I make too much for social security to help me#i am also completely alone dealing with all of this shit#i have no friends family only involves themselves when its life or death and i haven't even thought about dating#i don't want to even make friends/date rn because i dont want to bring people around any of this it will ruin any budding friendship anyways#its incredibly fucking isolating#just want to be taken care of sometimes too yknow?
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photomatt · 9 months ago
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You gonna do anything or make any statement about the rampant transmisogyny on this hellsite, especially in cases like predstrogen recently? Or yall gonna stay silent and keep letting/making us get pushed off of it.
I have a number of asks about this, so this is to address all of them, I won't do each individually.
We generally do not comment on individual cases, but because there seems to be mass misinformation around this, I will make an exception and comment on predstrogen.
First, Tumblr has a number of LGBT+ including trans people on staff, and they see things from the inside fully, and they're not protesting this case.
Why do we wrongly have a transphobe reputation? We did have an external contract moderator last year that was making transphobic moderation (and also selling moderation, criminally). As soon as we were aware that person was fired, and we later terminated the entire relationship with that contracting firm and have brought almost everything in-house (at great cost). I have previously commented on this publicly, several times.
I am not aware of any Automattician (people who work at Automattic and Tumblr) who has made any transphobic moderation actions. If it's reported it is investigated immediately, if anything were found that person would be terminated for cause immediately.
Predstrogen's account was suspended for:
Repeated mis-tagging of adult content against Tumblr's community guidelines. This has nothing to do with clothed transition photos, she had 20+ other blogs and multiple accounts with names so explicit I can't post them here without a mature tag.
Multiple cases of harassment of other Tumblr users, not just me.
Multiple threats of violence, not just the one I share below.
These represent a breach of our Terms of Service, and we've exercised our right to refuse service.
Threats of violence are never okay. Threats of violence are not protected speech. We will work with police and FBI where appropriate, though to be clear prestrogen's case hasn't warranted that so far. I'm referring to what we may potentially do for other threats. I just got a death threat yesterday from someone mad about predstrogen, and that account was immediately terminated.
So regardless of whether you still think Tumblr staff is somehow a bunch of transphobes, know that threats of violence or death are still not acceptable and will result in immediate and serious action. Know that when you rile people up, they can do dumb things with possibly permanent consequences.
(2 hours later update: I have changed instances of the pronoun "they" or "their" to "the account" because I am unaware of pronoun preference in this instance and don't want to misgender anyone. Thank you for the people who reported this as an issue. Update 2: "She" is apparently better, the post now says that. Sorry for the mistake.)
Here's one (of many!) examples of the harassment violations, this one targets me but there are others targeting other users on the site.
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The second part seems to indicate she wanted to be suspended, I'm unaware of why, perhaps to create this sort of uproar. I agree the hammers feel silly, but the start, "i hope photomatt dies forever a painful death" is a violation of Tumblr's community guidelines and terms of service.
The car part did hit close to home as I have almost died twice in car accidents.
Update 2: Added this text to the adult content part: This has nothing to do with clothed transition photos, she had 20+ other blogs and multiple accounts with names so explicit I can't post them here without a mature tag.
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mayspicer · 7 months ago
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Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:
My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x
The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...
#majek says shit#I have the diamond for a raise animal companion spell but it can only be used if you have a body and even then there are restrictions#and Kela wouldn't even know about it until after the fight because she got trapped between a wall of force and a stone golem?#or a stone Big Humanoid Fucker idk what that technically was but it would've killed me pretty fast#and it all was in an area of supernatural darkness emanating from the powergamer's character...#which interfered with so much of everyone else's actions and we even addressed it before the session that it's a bad idea to cast this#but its ok because HE will be able to see through it and HE won't be targeted easily:))))#he also almost ended the encounter in the first round of proper combat...#by using mechanics so outrageous but technically ambiguous enough that our GM can't deny them by using only RAW...#and he prefers to settle arguments by going as RAW as possible...#and it wasn't a problem until now when we have a player who exploits to an actually unbelievable extent#we shared our character sheets online yesterday and I finally saw his... still have no idea how the character works#because like half the stuff is custom and missing from the app#he has 9 AC in the app and allegedly 32 AC before buffs...#and the GM says the math checks out but 1. nobody saw that math besides him and 2. so far he trusted that player without too much questions#and only recently he actually realised he's been manipulated multiple times when me and some others started dismantling that players actions#I so hope this was the last session with that person#the worst thing is I think he's an ok guy when I'm not playing any kind of game with him#and I understand different people find enjoyment in different aspects of games - his being figuring out how far he can go with the rules#and there are whole groups of people who like to play like that and enjoy the challenge of making the most broken “build” possible#but the rest of the group are not that kind of people. maybe some like to have fun with researching what's possible#but it's never the purpose of the game and these things dont find their way into the actual game#I'm actually considering the possibility of just leaving the campaign if he stays there... I know I whine a lot in the tags#about different players that get on my nerves for various reasons. it sounds like I'm never happy about anything#but our group is big and we play together as a friend group in 4 different campaigns now (I'm in 3 of them)#and every one of these smaller groups has it's issues. sometimes it's the characters not matching and sometimes different expectations#or interpersonal stuff that can be worked out. this here is not a group composition issue because the powergaming attitude is everywhere#it's impossible to talk casually between sessions and confronting the guy leads to like actual temper tantrums#literally said “the fuck do I care if the party dies I'm not gonna be useful anymore” after the GM gave him feedback to maybe ease it up#he never says things like that when the gm or me are present but we still get info. he just can't be confronted by the gm like that
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waloeders · 10 months ago
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barney......
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azuremist · 1 year ago
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“Unfinished Painting” — Keith Haring
This painting was left intentionally incomplete. Haring began it when he was dying due to complications from AIDS, and knew he didn’t have much time left. The piece represents the incomplete lives of him and many others, lost to AIDS during the crisis.
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“AIDS Memorial Quilt” — Multiple
This quilt is over 50 tons heavy, and one of, if not the, largest pieces of community folk art. Many people who died of AIDS did not receive funerals, due to social stigma and many funeral homes refusing to handle the deceased’s remains, so this was one of the only ways their lives could be celebrated. Each panel was created in recognition of someone who died due to AIDS, typically by that person’s loved ones.
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“Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.) — Felix Gonzalez-Torres
This pile of candy weighs the same amount as Gonzalez-Torres’ partner, Ross Laycock, did. Ross Laycock had died due to AIDS-related complications earlier that same year. Visitors who see this piece are encouraged to take some of the candy. As they do so, the pile of candy weighs less and less, like how AIDS had deteriorated the body of Ross Laycock.
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The SF Gay Men's Chorus
This photo was taken in 1993. The men in white are the surviving original members. Every man in black is standing in for an original member who lost their lives to AIDS.
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“Electric Fan (Feel it Motherfuckers); Only Unclaimed Item from the Stephen Earabino Estate, 1997” — John Boskovich
After the death of his lover, Stephen Earabino, from AIDS, Boskovich discovered that his family had completely cleared his room, including Boskovich’s own possessions, save for this fan. An entire person, existence and relationship had been erased, just like so many lives during the AIDS crisis. Boskovich encased the fan in Plexiglass, but added cutouts so that its air may be felt by the viewer, almost like an exhalation. In a sense, restoring Earabino’s breath.
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“Blue” — Derek Jarman
This was Jarman’s final feature film, released four months before his death from AIDS-related complications. These complications had left him visually impaired, able to only see in shades of blue. This film consists of a single shot of a saturated blue color, as the soundtrack to the film described Jarman’s life through narration, intercut with the adventures of Blue, a humanization of the color blue. The film's final moments consist of a set of repeated names: “John. Daniel. Howard. Graham. Terry. Paul". These are the names of former lovers and friends of Jarman who had died due to AIDS.
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“Untitled” (Perfect Lovers) — Felix Gonzalez-Torres
Created by the same man who created the previous untitled piece, this piece was also inspired by his lover’s deterioration and death due to AIDS. This piece consists of two perfectly alike clocks. Over the course of time, one of the clocks will fall out of sync with the other.
In a letter written to his lover about the piece, before his lover’s passing, Gonzalez-Tourres wrote, “Don't be afraid of the clocks, they are our time, the time has been so generous to us. We imprinted time with the sweet taste of victory. We conquered fate by meeting at a certain time in a certain space. We are a product of the time, therefore we give back credit were it is due: time. We are synchronized, now forever. I love you.”
Please feel free to reblog with more additions
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butchosprey · 5 months ago
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project 2025 has been my reality in oklahoma for years. we already have so many of these goals in effect in my state. abortion is illegal, they use tax money to fund christian schools, queer kids are fucking murdered, native americans are constantly having their rights challenged, and the only damn thing these politicians are worried about is the possibility of children pretending to be animals.
this whole fucking project 2025 shit doesnt phase me. its some strawman for biden-kamala subaru owners to use and say "this is why we have to vote blue no matter who". dems have given up on me and others red states. most of the choices on my ballot are only red. no blue. zilch. nothing. notta.
you fucking queer ass dems in blue states get to eat your brick oven pizza and forget me and everyone else in the south exists. you get to smoke weed and forget there are over a million of Black, latino, and native american prisoners suffering for years in prison for carrying an insignificant amount of weed 10 years ago. there are hundreds of people denied basic health care on a daily basis, simply because there's a possibility they might get pregnant. i have literally almost died multiple times in my life for this reason, and i have met so many others -- MAINLY BLACK PEOPLE -- with similar stories.
children are suffering. BIPOC are suffering. women are suffering. literally so many people here are suffering, and you wanna forget that, so you pretend we're all just backwards bumfucks. its not biden that will give us our freedom. he's had the power to do something for me and my people for nearly four damn years, and he has chosen nothing but silence. democrats have already turned their backs on us.
i'm not giving up. because i still find beauty and something to love, even in a place as hostile as this. and if fucking propped up corpse doesn't win in November, you shouldn't give up either.
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zickmonkey · 1 year ago
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Want to share thoughts but the person I want to shovel them to is off limits rn
#I like the idea of Addam having custom painted shoes like Hades and Persephone#but instead of her custom painting them Eve did it for her#And I was thinking of Magic Kids being really scary because they can use so much magic they kill themselves#but unlike adults they dont know theyre doing it so they cant stop in time#I also a little want to give Sable and Benny a dog that's black and white and named after an orca. but i guess not that last part if its ben#although tbh they live in an apartment i dont know if they should have a dog#and i a little want to give Sable complications with Aggie#just like a hemorrhage while shes in labour that they miss because its kind of just slow and steady#but then as they hand her her baby she flatlines#it scares Benny. She doesn't know if she wants a second baby anymore#maybe even like have it be multiples but she loses all but aggie#it could be twins or triplets#on one hand it would be interesting if Sable flatlining is what caused her to lose one or two babies. priority and all that.#on the other hand i was kind of picturing Benny being like “oh no scary i dont want to lose you maybe no more baby”#and sables just like pffft i only almost died#im fine Aggies fine it probably wont happen i think we should have another baby#i dont think she'd do that if she had to bury one or two babies#catipillar if you see this just know that if our conversation dies down and i dont feel bad about it i might reiterate this into your dms#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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redsray · 9 months ago
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Batfam AU where Jason never dies, so Tim doesn't join the family the standard way. Instead, he continues pouring most of his time and energy into his photography, eventually becoming known as a popular photographer for events and all that. So now, picture this: Tim gets hired to be a photographer for a Wayne gala. Obviously, he's ecstatic, because he can take pictures of Batman, Robin and Nightwing and be in their presence for a whole night. Since Tim is so naturally talented in stealth and taking pictures unnoticed, the second one of the fam realises this they're like: this kid is good. Tim manages to go unnoticed by all 3 of them (all bat-trained, one literally batman) multiple times during the night, and even when he is noticed, he disappears before they can manage to get a good look at him; to the sheer amazement of Dick and Jason.
Jason, (very discreetly putting snacks in his suit pocket): i know you're under the table, kid.
Tim: don't mind me, Mr. Todd-Wayne, sir, just taking a few pictures
Jason: right... Jason's fine, and what pictures were you taking from under the table?!
Tim, showing him perfectly good shots of him: these.
Jason: how did you get that. it looks like you took it from the rafters
Tim, nodding: I did.
Jason, glancing at the ceiling: ...what?
Tim, gone:
Jason: no fucking way.
Dick, hearing a very, very faint camera shutter from behind him:
Dick, turning around and finding no one there: what the actual...
Dick, getting the feeling of being watched and whirling around to find Tim staring at him from across the room: ... huh.
Jason, pulling Dick aside: you see that kid too, right?!
Dick, nodding: the camera kid, yeah?
Jason: who is that.
Dick: he's one of the hired photographers, apparently. one of the best in his field, despite his age.
Jason: he's good. like, really good. snuck up on me 4 times already, the little bastard.
Dick: you too? i swear he's constantly watching. it's creepy how well he can sneak past both of us.
Jason:
Dick:
Jason: you don't think...
Dick: no. B would've told us.
Jason:
Dick:
Dick: did he get another kid and not tell us somehow
Bruce: what do you mean another kid?
Jason: you heard us. did you adopt another kid and not tell us?!
Bruce: no?? how would I even?? ... what's this about?
Dick: one of the photographers has managed to sneak up on both me and Jay multiple times already
Bruce: what.
Jason: he also can't be more than like. 15 or 16. so forgive us for assuming you took another one in.
Bruce: do you know his name?
Dick:
Jason:
Bruce: really?
Dick: in our defence, he's very hard to catch. i wouldn't be surprised if he's snuck up on you, too.
[camera shutter noise]
All of them, whipping their heads toward the sound only to find nothing but air:
Tim, smiling from the other side of the room:
Jason: do you see what we mean?!
Cue an entire night of shenanigans where it's just Dick, Jason and Bruce trying to catch Tim and learn about him. Upon finding out who he is and where he lives, Dick immediately asks to keep him as an honorary member of the family. Jason is hesitant at first but at some point Tim calls Bruce Batman instead of Mr. Wayne on accident and Jason laughs so hard he's basically won over. Bruce can do nothing but watch as Tim proceeds to come over almost every night for sleepovers and is coddled by both of his sons. And he can't deny, the kid's investigation and stealth skills are top tier. By the time Dick and Jason both start referring to Tim as 'their younger brother' Bruce has just accepted his fate.
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helaintoloki · 3 months ago
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Hey I want to request something since I saw your request was open. So can you do a fic where five and y/n ( they are already married) end up in the deli with the other fives.
Basically there are only few fives that have a y/n but she's died in their timeline. So basically it's just the other fives wanting to know more about her abd the fives telling their stories of their y/n
Y/n absolutely loves the attention she almost sequeled when she saw the other fives lol.
a/n: so this actually ended up turning into a more depressing piece than i planned LOL but the original intention is there
warnings: language, angst, mentions of death, light amount of fluff
summary: your search for answers leads you to a deli with multiple versions of your husband inside
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As the danger of the impending apocalypse finally begins to sink in for Five, he realizes he needs to get you somewhere safe until he figures out a way to stop the world from ending. Thus, while his siblings continued to fight off the monstrous cleanse that was Ben and Jennifer, Five quickly grabbed hold of you and jumped you both to the only place he could think of.
You stumble over your own feet as your body adjusts to being dropped into a new setting, your hand quickly raising to shield your eyes from the bright neons that hang above you as you take in your surroundings. A subway car comes to a screeching halt in front you, and before you can protest Five is quickly ushering you inside.
“Five, where are we?” You demand, completely disoriented from having been transported away from the fight without warning and preoccupied with worry at the thought of your family fighting against the Cleanse without you both present. “Where are we going?”
“I’m taking you somewhere safe where you can stay until I figure out how to undo this mess,” he instructs you hastily, his lips pulling back into an exasperated frown at your resistance to enter the subway car. He doesn’t have time for you to fight him on this, his siblings need him, and he needs you away from the fight. Though you’re skilled at combat and wickedly smart, you don’t have powers, and Five can’t risk something happening to you while he’s preoccupied with saving the world.
“You’re leaving me?!” You exclaim in distress as panic immediately begins to take over your rational mind. You push against him harder to move away from the train, but despite all your efforts the boy doesn’t budge.
“It’s only temporary, I promise you,” he assures you, and when you shove him hard in the chest once more he tightly takes hold of your hands and brings them to his lips to comfort you. “I’ll take you somewhere nice, somewhere with a beautiful house and a garden full of strawberry bushes. I found it while exploring other timelines in search of clues on how to prevent the apocalypse, I know it’s safe because I went there alone. You can stay in the house until this is all over and I’ll come back for you.”
“Five, what if…” you swallow harshly as tears begin to well in your eyes, your emotions overtaking you at the thought of this being goodbye, “…what if you don’t come back?”
Five refuses to meet your gaze when the question leaves your lips. He’d never lie to you, and he knows he can’t guarantee he’ll live long enough to join you in the peaceful timeline he’d found, but he doesn’t have the heart to voice this to you. How can he look you in your tear filled eyes and tell you that this might be the last time you’ll be together as husband and wife?
Sighing, he releases your hands in exchange for cupping your face so that he may brush away the tears that slide down your warm cheeks. He hopes that one day you’ll be able to understand that every moment leading up to this has been for you, and he would happily die a hundred times over if it meant keeping you safe. “You’re just going to have to trust me.”
You open your mouth to argue only to snap it shut when your gaze falls over his shoulder and lands on another figure in the subway. You blink away your tears to get a better view and are left speechless when you realize you’re staring back at the face of your husband.
But how can that be when he’s standing right in front of you?
Noticing your change in demeanor, Five follows your gaze and spots the lookalike that stands across the way from you both. His features contort into confusion as you both watch the second Five offer you a wave in greeting before disappearing down the stairs. Exchanging looks of uncertainty, Five and yourself immediately rush after the doppelgänger to figure out just what exactly is going on.
Your quick chase leads you both to the front doors of a deli, the dazzling sign above welcoming you warmly as you cautiously open the doors and set foot into Max’s despite Five’s protests to wait. If this other Five has the answers you need to return home safely together, then you’ll stop at nothing to get them.
Your originally confident demeanor quickly dwindles when the restaurant becomes deathly silent upon your entry. While you only expected to see one Five, you now find about twenty of them staring intently at you as you slowly walk towards the lookalike from the subway that waves you over to his table. Five is quick to rush after you and place a protective arm around your waist; you’re not the only one unsettled by their stares, and he feels uncharacteristically territorial in the presence of himself.
“Have a seat,” the subway lookalike offers with a gesture towards the empty space across from him, and you’re both quick to slide into the cushions at his command. “I’m glad you found me.”
“What is this place?” Your husband demands impatiently as another Five dressed in a waiter’s uniform approaches your table with three cups of coffee in hand.
“This is where all the Fives come after they decide to give up on figuring out a way to stop the apocalypse.”
As he speaks, a plate of pie is suddenly placed in front of you, and before you can even open your mouth to question it, the waiter offers you wink and assures you, “It’s on the house.”
Picking up the fork, your eyes widen in surprise as you realize what specific dessert has been given to you. Looking up at the Five across from you, you ask, “How did he know that-“
“Pumpkin pie is your favorite?” The lookalike finishes for you with an amused smile before leaning back to take a drink of his coffee. “We all know that, because we all know you.”
“Me?” You repeat quietly, brows drawn together in confusion as you look to your husband who seems rather displeased with all of the attention you’re getting. He never once thought to think of himself as potential competition over you, but it figures. Who better than himself to sweep you off your feet?
“Mind telling me why you all seem to have such a great interest in my wife?” Five demands with a wry smile, eyes blazing with annoyance and a subtle hint of jealousy.
“‘Your’ wife?” The Five behind the deli counter scoffs in amusement. “Take a number, pal.”
“What deli Five means to say is that each and every one of us has our own y/n in our own perspective timelines,” the boy across from you clarifies before gesturing to the the back of the shop. Your eyes widen in shock as you take in all the various pictures of yourself that line the wall from top to bottom, and it takes you a moment to process the fact that various versions of you have existed throughout time unbeknownst to you.
“My y/n was a trained assassin,” the Five at the table next to you describes with a dreamy smile before biting into his sandwich.
“Mine was sent alongside Hazel and Cha Cha to kill me,” another voices while pulling down the collar of his shirt to showcase the ghastly scar on his chest. “She gave me this along with three beautiful kids before I screwed it all up with this end of the world bullshit.”
“If you all care so much about her then why did you give up trying to save the world?” Your husband protests in agitation. Your search for answers is going absolutely nowhere, and you’re both left with more questions than solutions. If these doppelgängers were really meant to be him from different timelines, then why did they quit so easily? His sole purpose, his entire being, was doing everything in his power to ensure the safety of his family. Come hell or high water, Five would always be willing to get his hands dirty if it meant you and his siblings lived to see another day. So why weren’t they doing the same? “Why come here instead of preventing the apocalypse so she has the chance to live a safe and happy life even if it means you can’t be in it?”
A forlorn silence fills the deli at his question, and now none of the Fives can find it in themselves to look at you. Their features are almost shameful, their eyes full of guilt and their shoulders full of tension as no one dares to answer.
“When us Fives find a way to save the world, y/n is the one that pays the price,” the boy across from you discloses somberly before tilting his head to meet your gaze. Looking at you is like looking at a ghost, and he has to stop himself from reaching out to you as if you are his own. “The Handler killed my y/n after discovering my betrayal of the Commission.”
Another Five raises a woeful hand before announcing, “Viktor killed my y/n on accident with his bow after he discovered his powers.”
“My wife took a bullet for me because she thought my life was worth more than her own.”
“Dad had y/n disposed of in my timeline because he saw her as a distraction to me and my siblings.”
“Cha Cha tracked us down, found our home, and burned it to the ground with y/n still in it while I was away trying to save the world.”
You swallow harshly and ignore the knots in your stomach at hearing all the violent ways in which other versions of you had met their end. Your heart aches at learning what these men have been through and how much they’ve lost, but it also makes you begin to wonder if your fate will be worse than any story they can come up with. Sensing your discomfort, Five wraps a comforting arm around your figure and pulls you closer into his side.
“No matter how many times I traveled back to make it right, the result was the same,” the boy across from you relents in a desolate tone. “If I couldn’t even keep the most important woman in my life safe then how could I expect myself to save the world?”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” you murmur softly, taking it upon yourself to reach across for his hand and offer your comfort. “I’m sorry for all of your losses. But as a y/n myself, I don’t think she would have wanted you to give up. She would have wanted you to keep going in spite of her death because that’s what she loved about you- your strength and your resilience when it comes to saving the people you care about.”
“God, you sound just like her,” he comments with a doleful laugh before shaking his head and pulling his hand away. “Believe me, I did everything I could. But no matter what we do, there’s no escaping the apocalypse.”
“So that’s it? There’s nothing we can do?” Five retorts in disbelief. This was all a complete waste of his time. He’s nowhere near close to preventing the Cleanse, and you’re still not somewhere safe away from the impending apocalypse.
“You can enjoy the time you have left with your y/n,” the lookalike instructs firmly, the other Fives in the deli nodding along. “You got lucky, you still have your wife, so why don’t you do us all a favor and take her somewhere nice?”
“I’m not giving up on this,” your husband argues before hastily rising from his seat in the booth. “There has to be a way to save the world, and I won’t stop until I figure it out myself.”
You watch him stalk out of the deli with purpose as he slams the door open and begins to formulate his next move. The room is silent other than the bell that jingles above the door, and you take this as your cue to leave.
“I should probably go after him,” you admit with a meek smile before scooting your way out of the booth. The Five from the subway rises to meet you, and he can’t help but to carefully cup your face in his hands and admire your features for just a moment. This might be the last time he’ll ever get to see you in person, and he’d like to commit every detail of you to memory from the reflection of the light in your eye to the smell of your perfume.
“If he ever gives you any trouble, you know where to find us,” he instructs you firmly before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head and releasing you from his hold. Smiling faintly, you return the gesture by chastely pressing your lips to his cheek before rushing off after your husband.
Who would have guessed that in every timeline, in every possible version of himself to exist, Five’s love for you knows no bounds.
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