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tardytothepardy · 3 years ago

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Fruits Basket - Vol 21

"What do you have there?"

"A knife!"

"NO-"

That's probably all I can say about this one lmao

Kyo's still thinking back to when he met Kyoko, and how he felt about her as a kid. It was strange to him, in a way, but very welcoming, because unlike the majority of people around him, she treated him like a spunky kiddo(that's what she called him because he never told her his name) who seemed to have a hard life, but still seemed nice. In other words, Kyoko treated him kindly, something that Kyo had only experienced with Kazuma, which is extremely heartbreaking, oh my god.

But that only made what happened later hurt that much more, when she died. He heard her say that she won't forgive him, and those words have stuck with him to this day. After Kyoko's death, Kazuma took Kyo to the mountains, "to train". There wasn't much training, honestly, because Kyo was thrown into the depths of just,, self-hatred, mourning, regret, all of it. The only way he could get out of it was to place blame elsewhere, and that elsewhere was Yuki. It was easy, to be expected, almost encouraged in a way. It's not even that Yuki did anything in particular (I doubt they were even around each other enough for Yuki to actually do anything to Kyo), it's just that it was easier. And that helped Kyo enough that Kazuma let him return back home, which is around the time that Tohru showed up at Shigure's house, and the start of the series. When Kyo first saw Tohru, he couldn't believe it. He just wasn't allowed to forget what had happened, was he? It was interesting, in a way, to finally meet the girl that Kyoko was always talking about, to finally hear her voice rather than a picture, anecdotes, and a lonesome dinner. But it also hurt. In the end, he says he won't forgive himself, and he doesn't expect Tohru to forgive him either, for holding all of this back.

Tohru doesn't like that though, only having those two options: to forgive or not. It's really not that simple. She doubts that her mom meant that, "I won't forgive you", because she wasn't that kind of person, and even if she did mean it, Tohru's going against it, because her love for Kyo overpowers her love for her mom. She screams at him that she loves him, regardless of all of that. It doesn't matter dude! He can't believe it though, and he runs off, with Yuki, who overheard a portion of all of this, chasing after Kyo, with the spirit of "jfc you fucking moron get back here".

Oh remember Akito? And how she was thinking about Tohru? And how she has a knife? Well, she just entered the chat. 🔪🔪

She enters the chat by vaguely saying that the curse is breaking, to Tohru, who at the moment is partially occupied with thinking how fucking miserable Kyo looked before he ran off, but now Akito's here. (That sounds bad, like a "now Tohru has to deal with Akito 🙄" thing, that's not really what I mean. Tohru's just going through a few things at the moment) She asks Tohru if she's happy now, now that Akito has became the outsider, the loner, the bad guy, after waltzing into her life (and the lives of the Sohmas) and completely disrupting it, without a speck of dirt on her hands. Tohru's putting two and two together and steps toward Akito, asking if she was there the whole time (at this point Tohru did not know Akito had a knife), and oh jeez Akito just slashed at Tohru. Despite Akito yelling at Tohru to stay back, Tohru starts thinking of things through Akito's lens, how this whole time, Akito must have been so lonely. She was marveled for being God, but because of that (and her lashing out but hush), no one ever wanted to be around her. She was told that she was above everyone else, and she treated them as such, and they did the same back to her.

Tohru mentioned how Akito always spoke of permanence, because it was the only thing that Akito ever had to hold onto. Akito lashes out at that (i don't think she cut Tohru, but Tohru does end up having two cuts, so i think this was the second, both times they were just on her arms), saying that Tohru doesn't know what she's talking about, she won't fall for Tohru's crap! She can't be won over by nice little words like everyone else (are you sure about that dude). Tohru doesn't really deny it, she agrees that she is dirty, and bad. She wished for her own permanence, to forever be with her mom, but that didn't and couldn't happen. She says that realizing this is very lonely, realizing that you can't make anything stay, you can't grab onto it with all your might and beg for it to stay, it will move on in its own time. This ends up further upsetting Akito, thinking back to Akira and what he said to her as a child. She screams that she doesn't want to be left behind, alone in this huge world of strangers who don't know or care about about, or need her. She's terrified, and she says there's no saying that someone could ever love her, she'll be all alone when the curse breaks. Tohru then offers to be her friend. (Honestly this scene is kinda heartbreaking for me, seeing Tohru all scuffed up with tears in her eyes, offering to be Akito's friend. This girl does so fucking much all the time, regardless of the fact that she just heard that the boy she loves was involved in some way to her mother's death, her personal crisis of Kyo becoming more important to her than Kyoko, and now she's cut up and bloody, probably soaked through by the rain, trying to console a thoroughly upset Akito, like,, jfc Tohru)

Akito smacks Tohru's outstretched hand, saying she's mocking her, that when Akito starts to get upset, she'll get irritated, when Akito complains, she'll get mad, she'll hate Akito, she'll abandon her, but Tohru just puts out a hand, offering to be Akito's friend regardless. And once Akito realizes that Tohru would totally be there for her if she needed Tohru, Tohru literally falls off a cliff. Kinda. Do you remember back in the beginning of the series when Shigure mentioned that the ground is kinda unstable, and that's why there was a landslide? This is the same kind of thing, the ground crumbled underneath Tohru, and she fell. The first time I read that scene, I wasn't entirely sure if it was a metaphorical thing or not. It was not.

After Tohru fell, Akito just started screaming (fair enough, honestly), screaming for someone to come help, anyone! Shigure and Yuki come (and off in the undisclosed distance, Kyo also hears the cries), and Shigure actually asks Akito if she pushed Tohru off. Akito manages to explain what happens, and Yuki calls an ambulance. Shigure takes Akito back to the house, and a little bit later Kyo comes back to the house, and overhears Shigure explaining things to Hatori over the phone, and fuckin bolts over to where Tohru is. She's unconscious, scuffed, with cuts and blood on her, and holy shit, remember that one dream Kyo had a while back? Yeah, well, this looks wayyy too close for comfort to that dream, and Kyo's pretty freaked out. Distantly, Tohru can hear him crying, and she's just like, "Don't cry, it'll be okay, there's no reason to cry." She thought about how she worried that her love for Kyo ended up hurting him, and she was sorry for that, but she couldn't help it. It's revealed that Tohru fell in love with Kyo around the time of the Dark Form/True Form thing was going down, I think when Kazuma first showed up. She wishes for Kyo to be able to live a full life, even if it's hard, even if they aren't together. (Very emotional stuff, really.)

The next day, Yuki sees Tohru's grandfather at the hospital (who is visiting Tohru as well), and he asks about "that orange-headed boy", and Yuki says he was just an idiot that has bad timing, and he made Tohru cry. He can make her happy better than anyone, and he did that. He stopped himself short, but Tohru's grandfather was like, "About that," and presumably told Yuki to fucking brawl with Kyo, because that's exactly what he did after hearing from Haru that Kyo didn't try to see to Tohru. Before the fists went flying, Yuki asked Kyo about it, and Kyo said it was for the better, that all he'd do was hurt Tohru further. He couldn't protect Tohru when she needed it, he didn't want to do further harm.

Now the scene has shifted to the hospital, with two people being stuck in bed: Tohru and Kureno. Kyo tries to see Tohru, to apologize, to talk, something, but Hanajima and Uotani are not having it. Hanajima points out that apologizing wouldn't even mean anything, because Tohru doesn't blame Kyo for anything that happened. Hanajima says that there's other things that Kyo needs to do before he can see Tohru. Certain Things, and honestly I'm not sure if she was just bullshitting and using her ominousness to her advantage or if she actually knew something, but Kyo agreed (internally, anyway): there was something he had to do before seeing Tohru again.

Yuki might as well have said that was complete and utter bullshit, who does Kyo fuckin think he is? A goddamn superhero, able to fly in the second Tohru's in trouble? Doesn't he see the way Tohru acts around him? The way she smiles whenever he's near? Kyo's shocked by that, but he doesn't like the way Yuki said it, so he asked why couldn't Yuki do it (this is actually out of order but shh), he's already so perfect and shit. Basically, he's finally saying that he has always envied Yuki, because it just seemed like he got everything that Kyo wanted, especially when they were kids. Through the flying kicks and punches, Yuki says the same thing, but in the end, he can only be himself, same thing for Kyo. Neither of them (or anyone else) can be anything other than themselves, and sometimes there are things that only one person can do. In this case, only Kyo can kinda,, make her happy, I guess. I think that was the implication, which is nice. Kyo then goes off to see Tohru at the hospital, but the visiting hours are over, but y'know it's the thought that counts, right?

(Meanwhile) (btw how many times do these kinda things wreck Shigure's house like can they not take these things outside or something)

On the part of Uotani and Hanajima (and really everyone else who is visiting Tohru at this time), there's another level to keeping Kyo out: it's that everyone kinda knows that Tohru might be a little messed up if she did see Kyo again so soon after that whole shpeal that happened before Akito showed up. Tohru had a bomb dropped on her, and then she helped Akito calm down, and then she fell off a cliff; she didn't have any time to process the things that Kyo told her, especially that last line of his, the whole, "I'm disillusioned" thing, which all the significance that I personally can find within it is that he said that he wouldn't be disillusioned when Tohru was telling him about her father, but there really seems to be a bigger thing here that I'm not getting, idk. Anyway, there's that whole mess as well. Besides from that, there also seems to be this idea, I guess, that once Tohru is around Kyo again, they won't really be apart, so this is kinda like the last few moments with just Tohru? Or something? Hanajima and Uotani were talking about how Kyo's gonna "steal Tohru away", and seeing as Tohru is their close friend, I suppose it makes sense, from a selfish perspective (but not in a bad way), that they would want to "have" Tohru as long as they could.

Meanwhile (y'know that 60s Batman scene transition thing? That's always what I imagine when I write that, with the music included. Imagine how annoying it'd be if I put in a gif of it every time), Akito is having a Struggle Moment. She's at the hospital, and holy fuck is she guilty about stabbing Kureno, which is nice she totally should be it'd be really concerning if she wasn't, and Momiji pops up and asks if Akito came to see Kureno or Tohru (oof that guilt it's now been doubled), and Akito bursts out with confusion: why doesn't Kureno blame her?! He could've (should've-- wait what) blamed her, gotten angry, something?? Momiji says that it's because Kureno and Tohru (because Akito also visits Tohru) are that kind of stupid: they just don't blame people for things, they're always allowing for forgiveness. So why question it, why not just accept that Kureno isn't angry at her, isn't blaming her, just accept the kindness.

Akito thinks back on when she visited Kureno, and he asked her if she was okay. She thinks that if she had said she wasn't, that Kureno would have gone back to her side, and stayed with her, despite what she had done to him. He would stay with her until she no longer needed him, because he just has that kind of unselfish kindness. This kindness, in retrospect, doesn't make Akito feel much better though, as she thinks (realizes?) that she's basically been killing him, this whole time (before the stabbing, of course). No apology could fix this, no matter what Kureno would say, Akito wouldn't ever stop feeling bad for what she had said and done, not to him but to the other Juunishi as well (I suppose the Sohma family as a whole, honestly). Momiji just says that Akito has to take care of Kureno from now on, and to make sure that she doesn't do something like this again. Then he tells Akito a story (i don't get to hear it and that makes me quite sad ngl) and later Akito visits Tohru. But that'll be talked about later. Now we're talking about

(60s Batman transition sound) Yuki! And the other people in the student council. Kakeru mentions how the school is abuzz with what happened to Tohru, and how rumor has it that Kyo's the one who got her in the hospital. (Yuki doesn't really deny that, btw) Unsurprisingly, it's not really something that he has talked about, seeing as it's not very casual conversation, and it is a bit of a downer, but he realizes that he's not too upset by it. (By that I mean the overall recent series of events, not solely Tohru's accident) I guess violence is the answer, sometimes.

Kimi then asks what Yuki's relationship with Tohru even is, and Kakeru, unfiltered as usual, just drops, "She's like his mom, in his mind" as if that wasn't something that Yuki was struggling with for a long time??? Whatever dude, but one day Yuki'll probably have his revenge. At any rate, there were a lot of shots to Machi doing her thing, so if it wasn't already clear from the story so far, Yuki likes Machi. If you hadn't picked that up, it's a whole thing.

Anyway, later on Yuki and Kakeru are looking for get-well gifts for Tohru, and Kakeru just straight up says, "If I don't know what to give to someone, I'll just choose something I like, so that if they don't like it, I can take it, and I'll like it," which, as it turns out, Machi does the same thing. (That comes later but it's the not most important thing so shh) After getting a gift, Kakeru says that he's going to visit Tohru, but he insists on doing it alone, and so Yuki wanders off, walking down the street (he's makin his way downtown, walkin fast, faces pass), and he thinks about how, when he was in big crowds, he used to wonder, if he disappeared, would anyone really notice? Now though, that's not really a worry. He knows that there is at least one person who would notice, who would be worried if he disappeared. And holy shmow, he just found the perfect gift for her! He calls up Machi, and they meet up at a train station, I think, I'm pretty sure it's a train station idk I've never been in one, and it turns out that she got a gift for him as well. (It's fertilizer, remember back to that scene, with the,, yeah. Ok.)

The gift is a big Mogeta doll (probably like a stuffed animal), like the one that Ayame had in his shop, except he had the gall to write on it? Machi said that it was a limited exclusive item, but Yuki managed to find it (for a fair price too, apparently), and she really likes it. She says she'd like to thank Tohru for what she's done to help Yuki become who he is presently, that she's really glad that she was able to meet Yuki, because without him, she definitely wouldn't be the person she is today. It was some super soft stuff, there were plenty of "aw"s when I read that whole interaction. They're so fucking cute, it's great.

Anyway, other than Kakeru asking Hatori what he ate to look that handsome (which is something I still can't get over), there wasn't much else to the book, so I'll finally end this (I took several days in between writing this it's inexcusable). Yay ✨✨

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its-nuwanda-baby · 4 years ago

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its a bit of a odd pair but maybe some neil x knox?? hcs if you do them or a confession fic 👉👈

confession one shot, coming right up!

A Punch in the Right Direction (Knox x Neil)

Warnings: underaged drinking, language, slight mentions of blood, slight mentions of homophobia (only in the beginning!)

I PROMISE YOU IT’S WAYYY FLUFFIER THAN IT SOUNDS LOLL

when neil befriends a girl at rehearsals, he has no idea that she will single-handedly deliver him his doom... in the form of one, stupidly wasted knox overstreet. chaos ensues. also Todd and Stick are boyfriends because I can, and because that funky lil man will have a place in everything I write (I am but a stick stan account). ENJOY!!! let me know what you think!

Neil Perry had always known he was gay. He knew right when he kissed Charlie in the first grade, on a dare from Pitts, that this was what a crush was supposed to feel like. He accepted early on in life that the world was not kind to people like him. He understood that words like “queer,” “fairy,” and “homo” were names for people like him, and that the sneers of disgust that accompanied them were just part of a package deal. He knew when he started school at Welton Academy that there was the inevitable danger of crushing on roommates and friends, and by his senior year at the all boys school, he was used to the routine of identifying and burying unwanted feelings until they were forgotten. So, when Knox Overstreet had leaned against his doorframe on the first day of school, smirking like an idiot, Neil had no problem identifying the beginnings of a crush bubbling in his chest. He had no problem, when Knox had reached out to shake the hand of Neil’s new (incredibly shy) roommate, pushing down the goofy smile that had threatened to spread on his face at how sweet Knox was being. Neil Perry had a crush on Knox Overstreet, and, given his previous experiences, it was about as scary as a kitten.

He had no problem hiding his disappointment when Knox announced he wouldn’t be at study group that night, even trying to pull him out of his obvious state of disappointment- “anything’s better than Hell-ton hash, Knox…” he had said, with just the perfect amount of nonchalance to make it convincing. Oh well, he thought, at least it would be easier to focus on the trig homework he needed to finish.

And, when Knox returned, looking like his head was stuck in the atmosphere of Jupiter, Neil had so convincingly feigned his excitement when Knox had announced his infatuation with Chris- “are you crazy? What’s wrong with that?”- when the only thought going through his head had been you idiot, she has a boyfriend. What about me? I’m right here?

Neil Perry was, for the most part, a good actor. He could play the part of the excited friend, the matchmaker, the hopeless romantic, and he could play them with ease. It was Todd’s fault, really, that everything had begun to unravel. That the feelings became too much to bury. In Neil’s experience, once it was out in the open, there’s no going back. If only Todd wasn’t so damn observant.

The conversation had gone somewhat normal, in the beginning:

“I dunno, Todd… I guess I just don’t understand it! I mean, she has a boyfriend already! If Knox really loves her so much, why isn’t he happy for her?”

“Neil, no offense, but don’t you have more important things to worry about than Knox’s love life?”

“Like?”

“Like, just about everything else? Why is it so important to you, anyways?”

That had shut Neil up. Maybe he wasn’t too good at hiding his feelings, after all. Then, the dreaded question reared its ugly head.

“Do you… like Knox?”

He had never been good at this part, the part where he had to lie about his feelings. Usually, nobody could even tell something was off, and he never even had to think about what to say if someone guessed. Todd was just… different, somehow. Neil knew he was also queer. He had seen Todd holding hands with another boy from their hall, nicknamed Stick. They were a nice couple, and Neil had to bite back his jealousy at seeing what he only wished he could have with Knox.

“Neil? You know you can tell me, right?”

“You know the answer to that question already.”

Todd gave a small nod and moved to sit next to Neil, putting an arm around his shoulders.

“You know, I may be the newest addition to this friend group, but I don’t think Chris is the one Knox really wants.”

And before Neil could process the implications of the statement, Stick was at their door, and Todd was waving goodbye to Neil and leaning to kiss his boyfriend hello, and then they were gone.

But, if not Chris, then who? The question haunted his mind for days, and by the end of October, Neil Perry’s crush had grown into quite a bit more, which meant that burying his feelings was about to get a hell of a lot more complicated. Thanks to rehearsals and a new friend, maybe even impossible.

Neil enjoyed rehearsals. He loved watching his fellow actors lose themselves in the performance. He loved listening to the chatter of the tech crew as they discussed backdrops and lighting. He loved the smell of sawdust and paint that lingered in the air and on his clothes. The one thing he never really got the hang of was the talking. Despite being known as a social butterfly at Welton, the mixture of Henley Hall girls and public school kids was a whole new atmosphere for him, and if there’s one thing Neil Perry hated, it was change. So, when the girl who played Hermia walked up and introduced herself, he was so overjoyed at the prospect of a friend that he hadn’t stopped to ponder over the familiarity of her surname.

“Hey, you look a little lost! I’m Ginny, Ginny Danbury. I play Hermia.”

He had looked up, unsure at first of whether he was the one being addressed. In discovering that he was, his face broke out into the trademark Neil Perry Smile, the one he reserved for his dad and Dr. Nolan.

“Neil. Perry. I, uh, I play Puck.”

They had shaken hands, he in his crown of twigs, and she in her pink tulle dress, and a friendship was born.

Two weeks before the performance, she mentioned her older brother.

“So, I got home last night, and Chet- that’s my brother, by the way- Chet asked me if I had been hooking up with someone. Apparently, he thinks the only valid reason to be out late is if you’re getting laid…”

She had kept talking after that, but Neil had stopped listening. What had Knox said about that girl? Practically engaged… to Chet Danbury. When rehearsal was over that night, Ginny asked Neil a question.

“Would you mind giving me your phone number?”

—

The smell of cheap liquor greeted Knox before he had even opened the door. Charlie’s words rang in his head; you don’t really think she means you’re going with her? He was right, after all… this was Chris’s boyfriend’s house, and he was a guest. His guest. He was really starting to regret passing up a Poets meeting for this, when he could have been cozied up next to Neil in the cave. Neil… with his perfect brown eyes that should be considered national treasures, in Knox’s opinion, and a voice like velvet… Neil, the reason he had even begun pursuing Chris in the first place, as a way to distract him from the true object of his affections. Neil, whose absent-minded, yearning looks were surely reserved for everyone, not just him… keep it together, Knox, tonight is the night you forget about Neil Perry, once and for all.

“Carpe diem, Knoxious… carpe diem.”

He opened the door.

About an hour later, he was wasted. His earlier attempt to get a beer had been sabotaged by two football players who were a little too closely acquainted with the bottles of vodka and whiskey lined up on the counter. Before he knew what was happening, his beer had been replaced by a shot of liquor that smelled exactly like the stuff his sisters used to clean off their nail polish, and he had been affectionately dubbed “Mutt Sanders’ brother” by the shorter of the two jocks, despite his protests of never having met a Mutt Sanders. A few shots later and he was stumbling into the basement, nearly incoherent. What happened after that would surely remain burned into his memory forever, but the most that he could bring himself to tell anyone was that he had somehow ended up on the floor with a bloody nose and a splitting headache.

The full story is a bit more complicated. Knox, intoxicated and feeling brave, had begun his search for Chris in the kitchen, weaving around crowds of people he didn’t know. If he had been sober, he certainly would have been a little less obvious, but Knox Overstreet was a man on a mission, and although the alcohol helped him focus on the task at hand (find Chris, woo Chris, (maybe) hook up with Chris, fall in love with Chris, forget Neil Perry), it certainly didn’t aid him in his attempts at subtlety. By the time he managed to get to the basement, he forgot why he was there.

Neil, Knox, you’re here to find- no, you’re here to FORGET Neil. Find Chris, forget Neil. Find Chris, forget Neil. It was here that Knox began to feel the fourth shot in his legs, and he quickly moved to sit on the couch before they gave out. Cursing his low alcohol tolerance, he began to scope out the crowd in the basement for Chris, when he suddenly became aware of two things at once: the presence of an annoyingly loud couple mid-makeout on his right, and the sleeping presence of Chris Noel on his left. And Knox Overstreet, in a burst of alcohol-infused idiocy, began to stroke her hair, and suddenly it wasn’t Chris on the couch beside him, but Neil. Neil Perry, and he was smiling up at Knox, saying something that Knox couldn’t understand because all he could see was the shape of Neil’s lips, moving ever so slowly towards his, and in that moment, as their lips met, time seemed to slow down, and the voices and music were all combining into a kind of ambient soundtrack- that is, until the distorted voice of Kitchen Jock #1 made its way into Knox’s alcohol-muddled brain, pulling him back to earth in word form.

Chet… CHET, it’s Mutt Sanders’ brother! And he’s feelin’ up YOUR GIRL!

And he wasn’t kissing Neil, he was kissing Chris, and she wasn’t asleep, she was sitting up, asking him what he was doing, and, hell, what was he doing? As he opened his mouth to answer her, he picked up a bright red blur in his peripheral vision, moving towards him.

Next thing he knew, he was on the floor.

—

There was a knock on the door.

“Mr. Perry. You have a phone call.”

“Yessir, I’ll be right there, sir.”

Todd shot him a confused look from where he was sat on the floor with Stick. He and Neil had left the Poets meeting about ten minutes after Charlie showed up with girls and liquor, and Meeks and Pitts had soon followed. The latter two had denied their invites to a study group, which meant they were most definitely making out in their room, so Todd had asked Neil about inviting Stick to work on the Latin conjugation assignment together, to which Neil had happily agreed.

In all honesty, Neil was glad for the phone call. Todd and Stick were so cute together it was nearly maddening, especially when Neil could so easily imagine him and Knox together in the same ways. The gentle brush of their shoulders against one another as Todd checked Stick’s spelling, the way Stick watched Todd’s lips moved as he practiced his pronunciations… to anyone else, it would have been endearing, but to Neil it felt like a lifetime prison sentence.

Dr. Hager handed him the telephone when he got to the end of the hall, and he nodded a “thank you” before watching the man disappear into his room.

“Hello, this is Neil Perry?”

“Neil, thank goodness you’re there!”

“Ginny?”

“Yes, oh, I’m so sorry to bother you on a Friday night, but there’s been a bit of an… incident…”

Shit. Knox had been at the Danburys’ house. Neil’s blood turned to ice.

“What sort of incident? Is everyone alright?”

“Well, sort of… do you happen to know Knox Overstreet?”

Boy, did he ever…

So that’s how Neil ended up at the Danburys’ house at 10 pm on a Friday night, picking up a bleeding (and incredibly drunk) Knox. Ginny hadn’t been able to tell him what happened, and nobody else got a good look, but the story was that, while an intoxicated Knox had been trying to dance with Chris, Chet noticed and punched him in the nose. Neil believed it.

So there they were, sitting on the dock near the lake as Neil pressed snow to the bruise that was rapidly forming around Knox’s eye.

Around 11, Neil deemed Knox sober enough to take back to the dorms without causing suspicion, and they crept up the stairs and down the hall to Neil’s and Todd’s dorm.

Neil softly pushed the door open with his foot to see Todd at his desk, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper. Upon seeing Knox’s inebriated state and the exhausted look on Neil’s face, he immediately jumped to help Knox out of his coat and tie while Neil guided him to sit on one of the beds.

“Neil! Buddy! How’d you get here?”

Neil and Todd immediately shushed Knox, whose bruised face contorted into a frown.

“Sorryyyy” was the slurred response, given in a sort of whisper-yell smoothie.

“Knoxy, don’t talk. Your nose is still bleeding.” Neil’s voice was dripping in concern, which caused one of Todd’s eyebrows to perk up in his tell-tale “I told you so” smirk. Knox was preoccupied with trying to lick the blood from his nose “to clean it!”, and Neil was trying to get him to sit still.

After about an hour, Todd had gone to room with Hopkins for the night, to his immense gratitude (drunk Knox was not a character Hopkins was particularly interested in dealing with, and neither Todd nor Neil blamed him one bit). Knox, who had sobered up enough to gain the ability to form coherent sentences (but not a filter) was delighted to fill Neil in on the happenings of the party, to which Neil couldn’t bring an objection from his lips. As annoying as he could be, Neil loved Knox’s ramblings, sober or otherwise.

“And then, I was sitting on the couch and the strangest thing happened! Chris was there, but it wasn’t really Chris! It was you, Neil, can you believe it? You were there!”

Neil hummed in mock surprise, grabbing the cup of water he had gotten from the bathroom and wetting another towel.

“No, Neil, you gotta remember, you kissed me! Well, you almost did…”

Neil froze, almost dropping the water.

“I.. did what?”

“You kissed me, silly! And I thought I was drunk…”

“Knox, I wasn’t at the party… I didn’t kiss you.”

The crushed look on Knox’s face at Neil’s words would have been adorable if it hadn’t been so sad…

“You… didn’t kiss me?” Neil shook his head slowly. “But then, who did I kiss?”

“Knox, Chris’s boyfriend punched your lights out. You were seeing things.”

“But Neil, you don’t get it. That was supposed to be our kiss!”

“Shh, Knox, stop moving so much. Your nose isn’t bleeding anymore, so let’s get you to bed. Can you stand up?”

Knox pouted, pouted, which almost caused Neil to drop dead on the spot, and stood up shakily before giggling and leaning into the wall.

“Nope!” He sang, popping the “p.”

Neil sighed. Knox was wearing jeans and a dress shirt, which meant he was going to be incredibly uncomfortable. Might as well do it now, then at least he won’t remember if anything embarrassing happens…

“Knox, you’re going to be uncomfortable sleeping in that.”

“So strip me, Perry, I’m not afraid,” he said with a drunken attempt at a wink that should not have made Neil’s heart flutter in the way that it did. He sighed and moved to unbutton Knox’s shirt, breathing another sigh of relief when he was met with the sight of a cotton t-shirt underneath. Crisis number one, averted.

“If I hold onto your shoulders, can you get your own pants off?”

“Yyyyyyeup!” It took Knox three tries to find the button on his jeans, but eventually, his clothes were folded neatly on Neil’s desk and Knox was sitting on the bed in just a t-shirt and boxers.

“You know, Neil, it’s your fault I went to that stupid party anyways.”

“Pardon?”

“Your fault, Neil. You and your stupid hair and your stupid face… you’re so stupid and fucking hot and it drives me so insane. It’s your fault I tried so hard to get Chris, and… and it’s your fault that my fucking nose is broken. There, I said it.”

There had only ever been a handful of times where Neil Perry was rendered fully speechless. Usually, it happened when his father said something particularly nasty, or when Todd occasionally worked up the courage to read his original poems at DPS meetings. But nothing could have prepared him for what Knox Overstreet said to him at 11:30pm on that fateful Friday night as he knelt on the floor between his legs.

“Wh-what?”

“You’re so stupid, Neil… I can’t do this anymore.”

And before he could say anything, Knox pulled him in by his tie and captured Neil’s parted lips with alcohol drowned ones of his own.

Neil pushed him away with no hesitation. “Knox, I-“

“Neil, come on… first Chris, now you too?”

“Knox…”

“No, Neil. You always talk, now I’m talking. I’m in love with you, and I thought maybe you might have been in love with me after tonight, but I was wrong and I’m starting to think that maybe going after Chris was a good thing, because she made me forget about you, even if it was just a little bit for a little bit of time. I’m…” Knox went silent as Neil kissed him again, softly.

“Knox, I like you. I like you a lot, actually, but you’re still really drunk and we should wait to talk about this, yeah?”

He stroked Knox’s hair softly, smiling when the other boy nodded and leaned into his touch.

“Okay. I’m gonna get ready for bed now, alright? I’m not leaving, I promise.”

Knox hummed affirmatively, getting under the covers of Neil’s bed.

“Smells like you… smells nice.” He buried his face in Neil’s pillow.

Neil smiled as he turned off the lights and got into Todd’s bed, listening to Knox’s quiet snores until he fell asleep.

—

“Fuck”

Knox opened his eyes, and immediately regretted it when the world exploded, sending shards of light and color into his aching brain. Groaning, he buried his face in his (no, not his, his was softer?) pillow, wincing at the unexpected throb around his eye. He rolled over, facing the ceiling, moving an arm up to cover his eye when he heard the door open and relaxing immensely when he heard Todd’s voice.

“Morning, Knoxious. You okay?” Todd’s concern was evident, which made Knox feel a lot better. He loved that about Todd, he made up for what he lacked in confidence with an abundance of love and care for other people. Here he was now, handing Knox a bad of ice and a plate of pancakes from the diner he loved in town.

“Stick and I got breakfast this morning, thought you could use a hangover cure. Oh, which reminds me, I also brought you this,” he said, handing Knox a cup of water and a bottle of aspirin. He took everything with a smile, which widened when he saw Todd return it. Todd never smiled, and when he did, it was almost always genuine, and it made Knox feel warm inside to know that he had caused it.

“Where’s- ahem- where’s Neil?” Knox cleared the sleep from his throat and gulped down a couple pills before digging into the pancakes- blueberry. My favorite! Todd knows my favorite!

“Oh, uh, I actually don’t know,” Todd shrugged, furrowing his eyebrows, “He might be down by the dock? He goes there to study sometimes when he’s conflicted.”

Knox nodded, drinking the rest of the water and making quick work of the remaining pancakes.

“I’m gonna go find him. We gotta talk. If you see him, let him know I’m looking for him, alright?”

Knox got out of bed, only slowing for a moment when he realized he wasn’t wearing pants, before grabbing his jeans from their place on Neil’s chair and tugging them on before leaving the room.

Knox Overstreet had shitty hangovers. He had the headaches, the nausea, the fatigue, the dehydration, you name it… but he couldn’t seem to get wasted enough to ever forget anything. Usually, that was a good thing. As Knox marched towards the dock, he couldn’t decide whether he was glad to have the memories of the previous night, or if he wished that they would disappear forever.

His eyes are so fucking pretty. Fuck, how could I ever think I was in love with Chris when he was right here in front of me?

“Knox? You okay?”

“Mmm. You’re pretty, that’s all.”

He had laughed, then. God, his laugh was like music. His laugh was music.

“You’re pretty too, Knoxy.”

Fuck. It was too much, he was right here, and he had just taken Knox’s shirt off, and he was sitting on the floor between his legs, and it was all too much.

Carpe fucking Diem.

“You’re so stupid, Neil… I can’t do this anymore.”

Knox was grateful for Neil’s tie in that moment, because it was the one thing tethering him to the mortal world. Neil’s lips felt like home, and he knew it was more than just a drunken kiss. He was made to be kissing Neil, and he felt like he could do it forever.

And then it had ended.

“Knox, I-“

“Fuck.” He cursed at himself, the memory hurting his head worse than the alcohol or the bruise.

“I like you a lot, actually…”

“You’re pretty drunk still”

“Wait to talk about this, yeah?”

“Knox! Down here!”

Speak of the fucking devil. Neil Perry, looking as beautiful as ever, was sitting on the dock, long legs sprawled out, reading glasses balanced on the tip of his nose. He looked delicious. Knox shoved back those thoughts before they made themselves known on his physical form and waved at Neil, walking towards him.

“Hey, Neil.”

“I’m glad you’re up! How are you? How’s your head?”

“‘M fine, Neil. Really. Thanks to you and Todd.”

As he sat down next to Neil, he couldn’t tell if the look the other boy gave him was a look of concern or of longing.

“The bruise actually looks a lot better. I’ll bet it’s gone completely by Monday.”

Knox tried to hide the way his breath hitched as Neil’s hand moved to cup his cheek, stroking the area around his eye so tenderly it should have been illegal.

“Neil…”

“I know. We need to talk about last night.”

“I shouldn’t have…”

“Actually, I’m… I’m glad you did. Considering you meant it, at least.”

Knox was speechless. He had planned a whole speech out on his way down, only to have all words robbed from him by the flecks of sunlit gold in Neil’s brown eyes.

I love you

“I did. Mean it, that is… I definitely meant it.”

Jesus Christ, I love you, Neil Perry

“Then you won’t mind if… if I did it again?”

Knox met Neil’s eyes with his own.

“Not in the slightest.”

Then, he did the same with his lips.

And I love you, Knox Overstreet.

#neil perry #knox overstreet #dead poets society #dps #dps fanfic #dead poets society fanfic #dead poets society fanfiction #dps fanfiction #neil perry x knox overstreet #Spencer writes!#perrystreet #that's their ship name now

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cecilspeaks · 5 years ago

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166 - Delta

The stars tell us our future. They’re rarely correct, but yet there they are, blathering on night after night. Welcome to Night Vale.

At the foot of a sandy hill, a woman explains to her son what a flower is. She’s pointing at an orange starburst atop a squat bulbous cactus. She says: “Flowers are beautiful, aren’t they?” I cannot hear what her son says. She answers: “Because bees like beautiful things and flowers want the bees to take their pollen, that little bit of yellow powder, right down there inside, and give it to other plants, so they can grow up and be beautiful too.” There’s a long pause. Then she says: “Nature wants to make more and more beauty all the time. That’s all it wants to do. If it is not beautiful, it cannot live.” She’s upset at her son’s next question. “Humans wish to make beauty too, but not for nature,” she snaps. “They want computers and airplanes and factories, oh Benny, don’t touch.” She sighs. Then she says: “The cactus hurt you, didn’t it? The cactus knows you’re human and it does not want you to watch it, and now it has let you know that, you won’t touch it again, will you? No Benny, you won’t.”

Underneath the scant shade of a dilapidated wing of an MD-90 aircraft, a middle aged man tells another middle aged man about a time he went to New Orleans. He thought the French Quarter was too crowded and the jazz scene overrated, so he drove east along the upper neck of the Mississippi Delta to a Swapshack, where he paid a man 50 dollars to take him on a hovercraft to look at alligators. “Such majestic and hideous creatures,” the middle aged man says to the other. “You know, when I was little, I cried thinking about how I would never see a real live dinosaur. All the world had left were bones. But right there in southern Louisiana lay dozens of living dinosaurs. It’s an extraordinary world when you finally realize that all life is magic,” he says. The other middle aged man had heard the story dozens of times, but still he replies: “I hear you, I hear you.”

A young woman thinks about a job interview she never attended. She is happy without that job, yet she feels regret for what could have been. “I cannot imagine myself behind a desk making spreadsheets and memos,” she says to no one. “But I cannot imagine a 5-dimensional horse, nor the width of the void, nor the language of whales. I cannot imagine a lot of things but the pay, the pay would have been pretty good.”

Behind a blighted Palo Verde Tree, hidden between lush acacia shrubs, two teenaged boys kiss for the 50th time or so. It is brief, as one stops to look around, on alert for overbearing parents. They kiss for the 51st time or so and then laugh. Their fingers clumsily fumbling over each other, trying to decide on the perfect grip, the perfect touch. They melt like marshmallows in the flame of inexperienced joy. This moment in their lives is as pure and powerful as they have ever felt and may ever feel again.

My mind is crowded with voices, with people living their lives all day listeners. these are the stories, they are eating fruit and playing cards. They are arguing about who said what and when. They are meditating and conversing, retelling old shows and books they remember from when they had such things. A copy of Tina Fey’s memoir “Bossy Pants” was found in a suitcase seven years ago, and everyone in the group has read it at least once. Someone mutters that they used to have a copy of Karen Russel’s “Swamplandia!”. It was in her purse when they landed here, but someone won’t own up to stealing it. another says the book might have been used to make a fire one night, because whoever made the fire might have thought the owner was done reading it, hypothetically.

It’s been several days since the voices came into my head, and at first it was new and interesting, but already I have grown tired of it. I do not know how Amelia Anna Alfaro lived her whole life with these sounds in her mind. It’s unceasing and I’ve not gotten much sleep. The teenage lovers sneak away each night to hold hands and talk big dreams underneath the moon. It’s sweet and romantic, but at 2 AM, give it a rest boys! I could try to talk back, but none of the voices can hear me. It’s like asking the rain to return to its cloud. But when I talk to Carlos, the voices go way. Thankfully I have my greatest peace when I’m with my favorite person. I can’t keep Carlos awake at all hours or have him skip work to be with me, so I have to learn to make peace with the voices, as they are noisy but permanent room mates in my brain now.

I do have news to report, but it’s mostly stuff you already know about. The high school basketball team has tryouts on Saturday. The library is doing open mic poetry nights on Tuesdays at 7, and we all know it’s a trap. Don’t do it unless you’re well armed. And the Opera House is extending its run of Verdi’s “2 Fast 2 Furious”, starring Renée Fleming, through the end of the month.

It’s hard to concentrate on reading these news stories with so much other language running through my head. Like this: there’s a guy who’s complaining about metal scraps that haven’t been cleaned, and the woman he’s talking to is explaining that they are conserving water for drinking and the guy is saying that it’s unsanitary to make dining utensils out of dirty metal, and she replies that they’re not making any more forks or spoons, they don’t need any more forks or spoons, they need knives but not for eating. What am I supposed to do with this information, it’s been going on nonstop for days? You cannot possibly understand what its’ like to listen to someone you don’t know, who you’ve never even met, who you can’t even see, ramble on and on about their boring personal life straight into your head, it’s awful. I can hear another person saying he’s found something. Good for you pal, way to find another rock or stick or lizard or whatever.

Wait. “Weeeee have founnnnnd ittt,” the voice says. I know this voice. It’s the first voice that’s been familiar to me, where do I know this voice, he is saying “first weeeeeeeee found you. You who are – no where – now weeeeeee have founnnnnnnd itt.” And other men are barking in agreement. Listeners, that voice is Doug Biondi from the asylum, and the voices around him are the agents from the National Safety and Transportation Bureau, all of whom escaped the Night Vale Asyulm two months ago. They are in nowhere, in an otherworld desert standing near a door attached to no building. Not far from a passenger set, long since rotted away. A jet that has been home to 143 passengers and crew members, one of those 143 – the pilot. Asylum warden Charles Rainier warned us of this. He had been a been a passenger on that plane, he became part of a small commune that grew into an angry cult under the leadership and telepathic influence of the pilot. Charles told us that the pilot would find those who could help him find Night Vale. Help him find the real world, and Doug Biondi knows the way back.

The pilot found Doug and Doug found the pilot. “Iii know the wayyy,” Doug Biondi says, laughing the laugh of a man whose smile is too big for his face. At the foot of a sandy hill, a mother tells her son it is time. “Stop crying, Benny. Stop crying so that there will be more flowers, more beauty.”

Underneath the scant shade of a dilapidated wing of an MD-90 air craft, two middle aged men argue over which hand made axe is sharper. At last, they agree that the one crafted from the rotor flap and held together with the hand belt is the better blade. “No you take it,” one says. “No, I insist you, I’m happy to use the smaller axe,” the other says, “because it is easier to manage what with my back spasms.”

And behind a blighted Paolo Verde Tree, hidden between lush acacia shrubs, two teenage boys kiss the way you kiss when you think it may be your last. They whisper impossible promises and raise high their rusty shovels, the spades’ tips having already been sharpened to deadly points. They race toward the gathering crowd.

A young woman who thinks often about the job interview she never attended shouts: “Nature is beauty!” “We are beauty!” replies antoher woman. They repeate these calls. “Nature is beauty! We are beauty!” And now every voice in my head is chanting the phrases, chanting and chanting and chanting, it’s too… it’s too much!

Silence. They’re silent suddenly. My head is clear. I can think my own thoughts.

Night Vale, I’m getting word that Sheriff Sam is barring all known passages into our town. This includes roads, trails, sewer grates, even the Dog Park which is not officially an entrance to the Desert Otherworld, but you know, let’s be honest here. We’re on lockdown, Night Vale. No one enters or leaves.

Good. This is good. If the voices can reach me, they can reach any of us. In fact, if the voices can enter my mind, then the pilot and passengers of flight 18713 may well already be here, or some of them anyway. Or maybe the voices come and go. This is the first moment of silence I’ve had alone in nearly a week. Maybe the voices aren’t always there like, like radio signals as you leave a city or, or a cell phone in an elevator, maybe the voices can’t permeate us under certain conditions or maybe… Or maybe… The voices are silent because… they are listening. Maybe they’re listening to their leader, their pilot who is giving instructions on what to do next, when and where to attack.

I don’t know. But I must use my moment of clarity to tell you some news. Nope, the voices are back. A single voice is back. I know, without knowing, that it is the voice of the pilot. He says: [in a neutral tone] “Uh, hi there, this is your pilot speaking. Just wanted to let you know that nature is beauty, we are beauty. We propagate our pollen, we spread our seeds, we grow new life over old life, we cleanse the toxins of technology. We depose the human king and return natural instinct to its rightful throne. If you can hear my voice, then you are chosen. You are chosen to join all who join our nature. All who join our beauty. All who refuse will be recycled into the earth, destroyed and dispersed to fertilize new more beautiful life. All those who are beautiful are chosen. All those who are not, are a cancer, blight, infection and disease. All who are not beautiful will be cut away, amputated, so that the Earth’s wounds may finally leave, so the Earth may grow beautiful once again.

We have been found and we will return. Open the gates to freedom, end the tyranny of artifice. That’s all for now, we’ll be arriving in just a few moments, Night Vale. There is going to be some turbulence.”

[distraught] I’m sorry, listeners! I did not meant to do that, I did not want to do that! The voice of the pilot overtook me and I, oh, I need to lock myself inside the studio, I have to protect you from me, but first the weather.

[“A Prayer for the Sane” by Danny Schmidt http://dannyschmidt.com]

I brought Carlos to the studio. When I talk to Carlos, I don’t hear the voices of the passengers from 18713. I don’t hear the voices even now as I look directly at Carlos while I’m speaking. Like Charles Rainier’s fishing hole or, or Amelia Anna Alfaro’s puzzles, Carlos grounds me, lets me be wholly me.

Thank you, Carlos.

Oh, I also had Carlos bring a pair of handcuffs with him that he bought at –Target on his way to the station, and used them to shackle me to my desk. If Charles Rainier is correct, then once the pilot can speak to you, he can control you. And if that should happen, it won’t happen but if it should, then now I won’t be able to leave here and do harm to anyone else.

From my window, I can see far down the street a spiral of black smoke. There are flashes of emergency sirens. Now I can see people coming up the road. They are long-haired, sun-scorched and nearly naked, wearing not much more than flat wide-brimmed hats and short tunics fashioned from seat upholstery. These people are carrying large blades, roughly honed from scrap metal. Some have widdled down pieces of plexiglass windows into sharp points and tied them to ends of long sticks. They’re deliberately walking up the hoods of parked cars and smashing windows and caving in the roofs with their bare feet.

It is no doubt that the passengers of 18713 are here, Night Vale. If you can hear me, sty inside and lock your doors. If you can her the pilot, then do as I have done. Secure your position so securely that not even your own mind can talk you out of it. Sheriff Sam has stubbornly kept up all roadblocks in and out of town, so we have no choice but to stay. The long unmoving lines of traffic at the edges of the city are easy prey now for the 18713. The pilot offered the choice of joining or refusing, but it is not a choice, not really. He either can control you or he cannot. Those whom he cannot control will be killed at the hands of those who can.

[anxiously] Carlos? You don’t hear the pilot voice, and thus cannot be controlled. But I do, and I can. I have been controlled. We’re in trouble, Carlos. I can’t stay chained to this desk forever, can I? And if the pilot means to destroy you, he might make – me do it myself. Just promise me you’ll run. Leave me behind if that happens, OK? OK. But for now, do not let me out of these cuffs, not even if I use a safe word, which I hear is something quite a few people use in healthy fun intimate relationships.

The people of 18713 are climbing up storefronts and tearing off signs. I can see about 10 or 15 in normal street clothes in the crowd now, which means the group is growing. They are recruiting quickly.

But something else is eating at me. In the asylum, in Doug Biondi’s journal and among the myriad voices in my mind, I still have not seen nor heard Amelia Anna Alfaro, the first person to make contact with the pilot. She disappeared in 2012 and no one has heard from her since. I need to find her. Somehow, if anyone can solve this, it might be her. She was always the best at everything.

Stay tuned next for the sound of me talking to Carlos forever and ever.

Good night, Night Vale. [creepily] Gooood night.

Today’s proverb: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t hire that realtor again.

#welcome to night vale #welcome to night vale transcripts #episode 166 #delta

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wickedwritings · 6 years ago

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Time Travel AU: Best End

(Thanks & credit for the extra help from @nottsbuttons and @typehere452! <3)

Timeline:

Future Caleb and Nott (halfling again!) get Time Travel Powers

They decide they’re Gonna Fix Shit

They go wayyy far back; Current Bren (CB), Astrid, and Eodwulf never go to Soltryce Academy.

(Do they maybe kill Ikithon at some point back here? Maybe. They’ve got way more power and he’s not as strong as he was when he left, so… Who knows.)

They hang around for a while

This includes: Sending letters to the isolated members of the mighty nein, letting them know they have friends and offering communication. Doing research into problems they hadn’t solved by the time they left; what’s destroying the Blooming Grove, that sort of thing.

They–carefully!–warn Yeza and Veth and Luke about the goblin attack coming to Felderwin. The attack does much less damage to the town as a whole, nobody is taken captive. Yay!

Time continues forward. They keep to themselves, use even faker fake names, keep themselves afloat as legally as possible.

Astrid, Eodwulf, and Bren leave Blumenthal to expand their magical knowledge, hoping to one day enter the Soltryce Academy, but for now they are self-taught magical adventurers.

They find Yasha and Zuala and make sure they can escape! Those two start making their way out of Xhorhas on the route that will eventually lead them to the same circus Mollymauk is making his way to.

Current Yeza starts getting pressured by the Empire for research into dunamancy; he, Veth, and Luke leave Felderwin. Yeza makes and sells potions, staying behind with Luke while Veth picks up adventuring jobs where she can, eventually bringing them all to Zadash.

They help Calianna escape! Give her some pointers on where to start her mission.

Jester, Fjord, then Beau meet up and come to Zadash as normal, their threads changed only by mysterious supportive pen pals.

Everyone goes to the circus, accidentally find the only other Competent People there, and combine their forces to clear as much of the circus’ name as possible.

Astrid, Bren, Beau, Eodwulf, Fjord, Jester, Luke, Molly, Veth, Yasha, Yeza, and Zuala, alll look at each other, take stock of the fact that they’re a large group of mostly competent adventurers that did okay there, and decide that they’re probably safer and will have better luck getting decent coin together.

They pick up Kiri! When they go on adventures, she stays with Yeza and Luke. Yaaay!

Adventures continue! These gaps are a large part of why I’m not writing this fic out in its entirety.

The Iron Shepherds *don’t* kidnap the others, and Molly doesn’t die, because future Nott and Caleb are level 20(+???) and ready to stealth kick the crap out of them! They don’t stick around, because You Don’t Talk To Your Past Selves. The current group pick up Nila, now with a little bonus awe from the younger two.

The new Mighty Nein (still ironic, but in the other direction, with… All of them) pick up a Caduceus, who’s rather overwhelmed by all the people but happy to feel like part of a larger unit again. By their powers combined they rip through the remaining Iron Shepherds with even greater ease, get everyone out, and all is well.

The group migrate their way to the coast. Yeza, Luke, and Kiri hang out with free rooms with Marion for a little bit until Yeza establishes a stall to sell more regularly out of, and they move to somewhere a bit cheaper where he can sustain the three of them.

Jester sends messages to him as well as Marion when the group accidentally have to hightail it out of there. On the upside, the adults manage the ship a lot easier on their own once they figure it out, and only have to pick up Orly as a navigator, without dragging a whole confused crew out with them.

They get home largely without incident; the Balleater is still called that, of course, and it’s still given to Orly.

They pool money and get a bigger house in Nicodranas. It’s not ideal, but it’s more than enough for Yeza, Veth, Luke, and Kiri, and can hold everyone else when it needs to.

On shorter/closer missions, and just when Veth’s taste for adventure comes back to her, she goes out with the Mightier Nein. Otherwise, she stays behind, helping settle into a life similar, but distinct from the one she, Yeza, and Luke, had left behind in the Empire.

It stays open to the group, becomes a home base for all of them without homes: When an adventure is too taxing, or being on the road wears on them more than excites them, they can come home as a full group or in whatever set needs the break.

Adventuring continues. This basically concludes “fix-it” territory and goes straight into “idealistic ramblings” territory. You’ve been warned.

Epilogue

Caleb and Nott (from the future; this is a time travel fix-it, remember?) settle down… Nearby. They’re older now, and don’t look quite the same anyway.

Caleb has a bookshop that, maybe, also houses a few cats. It carries magic books–and a few other genres–of almost all levels; he and Nott continue studying magic, and offering lessons to anyone who comes in and asks about them. (The current members of the m9 come to visit, and it takes a bit of practice, but eventually they become the strange magic uncle/aunt that lives nearby and answers all their weird magic questions.

(When he dies, or gets old enough that managing the store is more than he’s up to, or Bren starts settling in more, the contents of the store are (magically lbr) packed up (I’m getting Fantastic Beast vibes from this suitcase) and given to Bren. They’re both pleased.)

Nott watches Luke grow up; a Luke that has never been without his parents, who has always had some promise of safety and at least two guardians at all times. Veth and Yeza take care of him, and he grows older, and she is so, so proud.

(If she sends the family presents sometimes… Well, nobody has to know.)

Eventually, slowly, the rest of the Nein settle there as well. From the adventures they had been steadily sending coin from, they end up with most of a street to their collective names.

On the far end, a cemetery and garden. Flowers on the grave-side, food directly behind the house. Caduceus was not the youngest or oldest child, merely the softest-spoken. When they fixed the plague that had been encroaching on the Blooming Grove, his family had drifted back to its care. He had new faith, now, in himself, and his goddess, and this new family. A new place to bring care to! Yasha and Zuala learn about burial care, and all of them grow flowers and tea that decorate and fuel their homes and stores. It’s a big garden.

Next to it, the main house. The family’s kitchen and dining room and group space for when they needed nothing more than to be together. (Most of the shops probably have smaller spaces above them? Because, look, most of these people were introverts at some point or another. Rest is necessary and good!)

Yeza gets a Proper Store again! The Brenatto Apothecary has discounted starter healing kits for new adventurers. Lots of experimental stuff as he has the time and resources to try stuff out! Luke, Kiri, (and others? do he just sort of pick up apprentices? maybe!) help out here the most.

They have a joint teahouse/bakery that’s connected to the bookstore, called the Mighty Dine. There’s a line; books can go in either directions, but the food stays on the bakery side. The cats go where they please. Eodwulf and Jester do most of the baking, Bren manages the cats and bookstore. There’s a window seat, and lots of comfy chairs. Some of them have swingy desk things.

Molly and Astrid are travel buddies after the rest of the group has settled; not as adventurers, but simply to live in as much of the world as they can. When they come home, they bring new decorations for the shop, new kinds of sweets and drinks, new kinds of magic and potions, sharing bits of the world with their family and those that would visit.

Fjord also spends a lot of time at sea; sometimes Molly and Astrid hitch rides across the water. He and Orly have fun adventures and eventually maybe just carrying cargo/crew around until Fjord decides he’s good with living near it.

Every now and then, Eodwulf and Jester will clear the bakery side, put down a lot of spare sheets, and run art classes.

People can sign up to teach small classes on just about anything there, inside of the family or not.

Look there’s probably also reading nights (poetry, smut, etc.) that happen there; general public social spot.

At the other end, leading into the city, is the two-story building Beau and Jester live in. The first floor is one large, mostly padded, room. Beau teaches self-defense classes, mostly to kids but open to all ages, and sometimes general self-improvement based teachings around other monk stuff to people she likes. “Stop Being An Asshole Club” becomes more popular than she was expecting, and it’s great.

Again, if we’re being honest, everyone pitches in at everyone else’s area. Their skills and interests overlap, and it’s not uncommon to see Fjord helping out at the SBAAC (acronym pending), Yasha helping with self-defense classes, Zuala at the apothecary, Caduceus in the bakery, Veth is… Everywhere? When did she get there? Don’t worry about it. They have a place to grow and learn and share, to settle into the lives they worked for.

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chrisbangs · 5 years ago

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1-5 and 20-25 :-) sorry for all of them hehehe — 🖤 also i’m getting off work I WILL SEND U ANOTHER ASK HEHEHEH

oaiwenfoia you’re sooo c*te perhaps i’ll d*e………. hm………… anyway;; thank you angel (sorry it took me so long to do this ;; ___ ;;)

also this got mad long so i’ll put it under a cut!

1. how did you get into graphics / gif making?

i was an early ‘the vamps’ and ‘5sos’ fan and because of that, i used to make lil graphic type things?? i guess?? like i tried to make stuff like the ones i saw online omg… and mine were soooo bad but it was like so fun and i used to use this online editor and it was trash but like i would have so much fun… (and that was back when i was in grade 7-ish..? so i would’ve been like jfjfiwaoefo 12/13) and then i just kept doing it;; eventually in grade 10 i took a graphic design course and i got a hold of photoshop and it blew my mind and from there i just kept kinda… doing it??

and with gifs omg… ok i swore i would never make gifs cause it looks SO complicated like bitch ill kill u what do u mean layers to frames wtf !!!!!!!!!!!! and then when i was in my first year of uni in around june i was like… omg i wanna try again… cause i’d tried it before and my ps just crashed… so i was like let me give this another go.. and i did… and it worked.. and my mind was like blown omg… i was in AWE… omg i just realized its been a whole year since i learned how to gif stop ill die

gfx/gif questions

2. do you do something creative/related “irl” as well?

well!! i just got into college for graphic deisgn hehe;; so i’m hoping that that’ll be my future :’)

3. who/what inspires your graphics / gifs?

hm, well!! whenever i see really great pieces of gfx or even in real life when i see a magazine piece or a billboard that just looks stunning i feel inspired!! and i’m like eugh i wanna try making smth like that ;; also music and movies and games inspire me sometimes?? but if i was to say who!! then it’d probably be all my amazing content creating mutuals!!! their work is always wowing!! i always tag ppls gfx with ‘gfx inspo’ bc im genuine :0 when i see it ;; ___ ;; like how is everyone so creative and talented;;

4. what do you enjoy about making graphics / gifs?

oh wow, mm… it allows me to be creative? and put to use skills that i think aren’t always appreciated? like my p*rents never take me doing graphic design seriously;; but then recently my mom wanted me to make a lil label for her for a friend’s garden and i did and she was like !!!!!! so happy abt it i was like TT TT cause both my parents were finally like ok i get it sorta;; i really like that i’m able to make smth kinda outta nothing?? like art is really interesting bc you get to let your thoughts and experiences affect the outcome of your work so?? like.. i like that everyone has a different style??

and for gifs;; i really enjoy that its such a structured task like… its very.. orderly and routine based?? like i know what i’m doing everytime?? and the places where i get to change it up are like the colourings and the style of set i make and that makes it fun and creative too;;

5. what do you dislike most about making graphics / gifs?

mm the creativity block;; i feel like sometimes i cannot think of ANYTHING to make and those days i feel kinda useless as a cc…… it sucks but foiawnefiawn eventually i’ll figure smth out if i move things around enough fajwefowaeo

and giffing omg…… idk… probably the colouring process…… but thats majorly because my laptop’s screen displays colours kinda whack from how they actually look and so i have to do 2x the work to make sure it looks good and smdays its like idc anymore just post the set and pull the trigger

20. your favourite fandom(s) to make graphics / gifs for?

for gfx it’s definitely stray kids!!! they have some of the most fun lyrics to work with and their concepts always always inspire me like crazy!!!

for gifs its the tmg fandom! everyone in that fandom is suuuper nice and supportive and like;; even if i’m not always making gifs i dont feel like i’m falling behind or ? like ppl will be mad or smth ? like its a safe small community and bc of that it feels so good ;;;

21. how much time do you spend on a single graphic / gif?

very dependent! gfx can take from like an hour to like a week+?? it just depends on how intense and intricate it is ig;;

gifs are shorter;; probably take me a few hours?? the longest a set has taken me is maybe like 6 hours but that’s bc i was being slow about it and trying to find all the necessary parts! but on average itll take abt half an hour to maybe two for one set

21. what is your biggest improvement since you started making graphics and or gifs?

ogoaiweniogaw stop this is so funny.. i wanna go find my old wattpad covers so you can all cringe with me but… mm, with gfx i guess i learned what my Aesthetic™ was and what i really liked and like fjjfaiosdksfd i learned how to use photoshop which is a big thing lmaoooo……… and with gifs!! definitely my quality (shout out to vapoursynth) and my colouring :’)

23. what is your biggest improvement in the past month?

hm… time management jfaiweoofiaw i’ve definitely gotten wayyy faster at giffing and i really do not take as much time anymore;; which gives me some peace of mind lmao

24. what is something that you’re wanting to learn right now?

illustrator! i’ve been fooling around with it a lot recently;; and even one of the pieces i submitted in my portfolio was smth i made on illustrator heh;; but theres a huge learning curve (like btich what is the pen tool ill kill u) fnaoiefiownf so i wanna get lots better with it ;;

25. what would you like to see others learn how to do?

this is an interesting question;; mm i guess everyone is different?? so idk if i can answer this question cause i think everyone’s style requires them to learn in their own ways?? so idrk ;; i guess something to make certain people’s lives easier would be like LEARN KEYBOARD SHORTCUTS !!! that shit saaaves my life like idk man it cuts down on my time for sure;;

#🖤 anon #anon #answered #thank you babie #i'm soooo sorry this took me as long as it did #also sorry this is sooo long fjaowiefnoaiw #i hope you're well angelllll

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atopearth · 6 years ago

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OZMAFIA!! Part 1 - Caramia Route

Now I can know the basic gist of The Wizard of Oz without reading or watching it lolll! Yes, I have never read/watched it (EDIT: After finishing this game, I read the Wizard of Oz, it was very fun). Ooh okay, heroine is this silver hair guy’s prey huh, yeah that’s a great start to the game and her life I guess lmao. Caramia sounds like a nice guy since he caught her from falling, but he’s with the guy that tripped her so…. But I guess it’s still better than getting caught by the silver hair guy called Caesar? Maybe? Maybe not? I wonder if amnesia is common in otome games hahaha. Every time I hear about Ozmafia, people talk about Axel so I hope he’ll live up to expectations! But Caramia first! Oooh that’s why it’s called Ozmafia!? Literal mafia town?! And Caramia is the head of this Oz family? Hmmmmmm.

Yayyy! I don’t have to think of a name, that’s always the most stressful part for me lmaoo. Fuka is cute btw. Nice to be named by my current favourite boy lolol. Ooh she gets to choose which family she wants to belong to. How nice of them. Robin Hood being a doctor is a very interesting idea. I guess Fuka seems very naive and innocent? Like a little lamb, ready to be devoured by carnivorous men? LOL Axel was rather cute when he felt a bit shy after the heroine thanked him for showing her where her room was lol. The families quarrel for territory from Monday to Saturday but have declared Sunday as a day of peace? How very systematic and interesting.. Caramia looks hot in glasses btw and fyi, I love men who read! Plus points to Caramia!

Soh is a nice boy. Doesn’t like lies and is straightforward. Lmaoo at Caramia asking Axel for money and then he’s like yay, Axel is shouting us food hahaha. Actually, after seeing a close up of Axel, he looks awesome with his glasses, I like, I like! Kyrie sounds wayyy too dodgy for my liking btw lol. Axel is so subtly considerate, I love him. Hmm so Caesar is like part of the rebels that don’t agree with the rules in the town with having to belong to families etc, so I guess he’s like a criminal along with the other people in the slums and outside of the town. Axel got captured by Caesar because he was protecting Fuka? That’s not good. But it was way too reckless of her to go to Caesar herself, how dangerous. I’m happy that Axel called her an idiot for coming to sacrifice herself to hopefully exchange for Axel’s safety. But I’m also happy that he acknowledged that she did it because the Oz family took care of her so well that she couldn’t do nothing. I guess breaking the Compromise (Sunday is a day of peace) is a pretty big deal if all these families would come out to deal with it and kill some of the Wolf Gang members.. so cute how Axel really loves sweets though haha.

Lmao at Fuka thinking Scarlet was a girl hahahah. Didn’t think Soh was part of the Wolf Gang.. I like how Caramia makes breakfast for Kyrie and Fuka quite often hehe. It was really cool when Scarlet came out to protect her when she got into the feud with Gretel and Ande, although it’s true that hurting her could be pretty bad so it was natural for him to do that but it seemed like he did it because he cared for her too XD Lmaoo that one sip of alcohol of whatever Caramia drank knocked her out and he had to carry her home hahahaha. How bold of her to say she loves him while drunk lol. Not that he took it seriously.

Hmmm I feel like all the events and bonding time with the characters were so choppy and insignificant that the only thing Fuka and Caramia really shared was their time together and nothing else, so honestly, I really can’t see why they like each other besides the fact that they like the existence of someone beside them… And even that’s kinda forced because he has Axel and Kyrie to keep him company lol. Caramia’s character is rather shallow and the world itself is shallow as well even though it has such an interesting premise sigh.. the story is just like things happening in a world and it could have been anywhere because it doesn’t even really matter. And so yeah, if the guys are shallow, you can imagine how much of a blank board Fuka is. She has no particular thoughts or emotions that are relevant to the story or even to the guys! She’s never said anything about liking Caramia or particularly showing any special affection towards him so I have no idea when they ever considered each other to be the one they like. I feel like Axel and Fuka show the most affectionate emotions towards each other lol. And what about the Oz premise?! Caramia’s the lion so isn’t there going to be anything about that? Is it literally just a setting for us to have three guys? What is all this untapped potential considering this interesting world? Sigh… Also, the amount of loading screens in this game are killing me.

I don’t know what I’d do if I ever found my future boyfriend hugging a woman near a brothel… Strangling him for the truth might be a good idea😅 how could he let her go like that so easily?! I know he’s trying to be considerate that he can’t spend much time with her but he knew that in the first place! He shouldn’t have confessed if he’s so weak willed about it! And she has the right to decide what she wants to do! She has the right to decide whether she doesn’t mind continuing to cry but trying to make this relationship work! Good that she said what I thought but really, I don’t feel like Fuka really has much emotion lol and really only does things because.. that’s her character lol. But wow, she’s really silly to go out at night to surprise Caramia considering how dangerous it is at night, poor Caramia though, he has to bear the guilt of accidentally shooting her… I don’t feel sorry for her, but I feel sorry for him… But omg, I feel like sometimes she’s so clueless and weirdly optimistic that I want to smack her, I think I’m starting to understand why people don’t like Fuka now…And this is my first route… Like, a lot of heroines are optimistic but you can see why they are in their personalities, for Fuka, she’s like this hollow shell that’s just a ball of optimism for no reason and that’s the only feeling she exudes.

I feel like the flow of the story is so haphazard, but I do have to admit that Caramia reverting back to the cowardly lion he was is hilarious, it’s so cute hahaha. How cliche that the power of love in trying to save Fuka from Hamelin got his courage back lol. Very basic route (Pure love vs Axel) and ending for this happy one lol. I guess the happy ending is when the guy overcomes his fears (which in this case is his cowardly personality) and the bittersweet ending is when he can’t overcome it but Fuka stays beside him regardless. The cowardly Caramia is pretty funny though, I mean he still went to save her from Hamelin regardless so I think that’s cool enough but seeing Caramia scared of every little thing made me couldn’t help but think he’s so adorable.

(Pure love vs Kyrie) Kinda like how this one shows Caramia consulting Kyrie on his love problems about whether he really likes Fuka or not, so it’s much easier to tell that Caramia really does like her, rather than the above where I felt like she got along with Axel more than Caramia lmao. So cute that Caramia doesn’t like baths and the heroine forced him to take one hahahha. I like how he’s trying to get used to taking baths because the heroine likes him clean hahahaha. So, does Caramia think her scent is similar to Dorothy’s? It’s good that he doesn’t think of her as a replacement haha. But lmaooo, Axel is so funny and cute, I can imagine him getting married just because he wants a giant wedding cake hahahaha. Anyway, besides the extra interactions and changing the second focus from Axel to Kyrie, the gist of the story is the same. Personally, I love Axel’s personality but in terms of story and development of Caramia and Fuka’s love, I’d say Kyrie’s one shows more of how much Caramia actually likes her or maybe it’s because I finished one route so I can see Caramia’s perspective now?

(Axel triangle) Caramia eats so much! Lmaoo at him going to to Robin because he ate 2 litres of ice cream hahahaha. HAHAHA, Axel is so cute to be that excited about Caramia’s pancakes, apparently they’re the best in town and are so fluffy! I’m jealous! It’s always kinda funny that Axel is usually so whatever and just follows orders most of the time but when it comes to sweets, he’s so adorable haha. Aww Axel is fond of cats, he’s such a softie, kinda like Caramia haha. Lmaooo at Kyrie offering Axel’s backup snacks to Fuka because she’s hungry and Axel is like no, until Kyrie says what if she starves to death. And then..omg😂 Axel gives it to her and says “please don’t die” LOLL, I’m sure she won’t die that easily Axel lmaooo. Omgg when the heroine said Axel was the most important person to her though, kyaa Axel!🤣 Chocolate river is a great idea, Axel! I’d love that! Danggg Axel can cook too, awesome! Maybe everyone can except Fuka lmao. Dorian and Caramia were talking about how a prostitute was poisoned and Dorian said he was sad that his goods was hurt so does that mean he’s the brothel owner?! But now, I see why Caramia was with a prostitute, he was trying to get info on the street slasher that’s been killing a lot of people in town and she knew some stuff about it.

OMG, I’M SO SHOCKED. I can’t believe she just did it with Axel… Like his confession was really cute and romantic but you haven’t even properly broken up with Caramia yet Fuka! You can’t just jump into another guy’s arms even if you do like him too! At least tell Caramia first! Omggg, gonna die from the drama that will ensue.. I feel so sorry for Caramia… But lining up for crepes with Axel does sound so nice…. I can understand Axel’s perspective in being careful with words and stuff though, since wounds of the heart hurt much more and cannot be seen unlike physical wounds. I thought Kyrie would be the possessive type but I guess that’s Axel lol, well at least he’s honest that he knows it’s bad but can’t help it?

I was gonna say it was so inconsiderate for Axel and Fuka to consult Caramia about Axel’s overflowing love and possessiveness towards Fuka and then Caramia got controlled by Hamelin’s music and like nearly killed Axel! Crazyyyy! And then ughhh I hate how the stories and scenes don’t flow properly, it’s like, Axel defeats Hamelin and is stuck in the fire with serious wounds but it doesn’t bother to address how he got out of that and spent the next year’s festival with Fuka. It’s like as if it never happened. Like whaaat. But anyway, I guess these love triangle routes are interesting? I mean, it’s like, you’re chasing Caramia but because your heart wavers, you end up with some other guy even though you’ve consciously been going to meet Caramia every week lollll. I don’t even know if that’s good, I’d feel so weird. But whatever I guess, Axel’s cute?

Lmaoo when he asked if she’s a cat or dog person, and that he read in a book that it’s a surefire way to start a conversation🤣🤣 I hate this triangle idea but Axel is so cute. Omggg so adorable when he asked to hold her hand because his glasses broke so he can’t seeee! There is no end to his adorableness as well, especially when he took off his glasses and said that this way, he can continue holding her hand. Like dude, how much more adorable can you get?! I’d attack him too if I was Fuka lmaoo.

(Kyrie Triangle) My heart breaks for Caramia…. He tried so hard to look normal and support her and Kyrie… Whereas Kyrie was like so intent on stealing her from Caramia from quite a while ago… At least Axel in his triangle route just wanted to make her happy and he felt that he could more than Caramia. Kyrie is just so…. inconsiderate and uncaring for Caramia’s feelings. But I see why Kyrie is interested in Fuka I guess, can’t feel the romance but I can feel that he’s bored and the mystery of her existence without being able to find traces of her past is interesting. Like where did she come from…

Hmm guess it’s kinda the same as the other triangle with Caramia being controlled by Hamelin’s flute and attacking Kyrie. It’s also nice to know that he likes her because it’s fun. He has always been a person that calculates everything ahead and is logical but when he’s with her, he can’t predict what she would do and how reckless she would be next I guess lmao. Not sure if that’s good but cool lol.

I like Kyrie’s story about when he was a scarecrow though! It’s kinda cute that he’s got two different eye colours and the right one always changes depending on his mood (guess he’s like a mood ring lolol) because, back when he was a scarecrow the old man who made him didn’t put his hat on properly and rain kept washing away his painted eye, but the old man would always repaint it making it different colours lol. But now I understand why he always wears gloves and a hat! I kept thinking why does he when it’s so awkward and ugly lmao. There was a proper reason! I apologise. I’m surprised Fuka is so terrible at cooking though, it’s probably a talent in itself.

Wow, Fuka said she wanted peace in this town and Kyrie interpreted it as him might as well lessening the amount of mafia families, so basically the less families, the less conflict and that will create peace. Not sure if that’s what she meant Kyrie but whatever rolls for you I guess. Aaand it ended abruptly lol. I think the biggest problem I have with Ozmafia is how choppy and unconnected the scenes are from each other, it really doesn’t flow well at all and you really lose your bearings on what’s happening because of it, and the dreaded loading screen too of course lol.

Anyway, I feel like for more bits and pieces to come together, you have to read the different routes but since the story isn’t very detailed or good anyway, it doesn’t matter lol. I’d just recommend pure love vs Kyrie for Caramia’s story. I think that was the nicest one. Otherwise if you don’t mind the guys “stealing” Fuka from Caramia, Axel triangle route is adorable. I honestly don’t want to do the triangle routes too much because it makes me feel uncomfortable seeing the guy sad that Fuka goes with another guy… But I’m also a completionist so… Sigh. Anyway, Kyrie story next~ not a fan of him but let’s go!

#ozmafia

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liyuesbian · 3 years ago

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Ok tumblr decided to erase half my ask so here we go again 😔

I kinda forgot about ei’s friends after her teaser dropped ngl 💀 you are so right that they should’ve been there, like how both Zhongli and Venti’s quests had a “let’s pay a visit to our dead or dying friends” arc /hj in hindsight I also wish there was one of those cool 2D PVs for Ei as well hhh it would be Epic to see her three friends like that!! Ig they thought it was covered by her teaser/demo or something? Since that had way more lore than usual, idk though. still hoping for a second quest about her hh

I’m kinda the opposite about lore digging but it’s probably just me lol, I tend to read lore in game only, but don’t have many of the artifacts/weapons that contain the lore I want to read. But disregarding that, I still want some of the worldbuilding to be put in like a story quest or something, since it would be interesting to see what other characters think about the stories in the artifacts and stuff (do different mondstadters have different opinions on their history? What do they think about the white knight or the gladiator? Also I wanna see Eula interacting with the noblesse oblige set. same with Liyue folk and all the Morax Legends lol. I digress tho)

Big same with the La Signora gripe. Shame on me ig but I didn’t read the crimson witch lore before I did the quest so the spoilers I saw didn’t mean much and there was no shock value during the big reveal in quest 💀 yeah I hope we’ll see or hear about her in Snezhnaya!! Her side of the story would be infinitely more interesting (pls not another artifact set tho-)

About Xiao, Ganyu, and Zhongli: this is why fix it fics exist I guess 😔 I’ve adopted an AO3 fic’s retelling as my version of canon (or at least something the traveler didn’t see)

Mm true it’s strange because I think he said thanked the traveler for being his companion while he was testing out his human life at the end of the archon quest (iirc) maybe it’s just because Liyue’s supposedly a big city so one new person doesn’t really matter to most people (fhdksd if something contradicts this, do tell) I think the fake death was still kinda necessary, at least for normal people to accept that Morax is Completely Gone so that the Qixing can get ultimate authority and total acceptance/respect (that npc who said Zhongli will always be in true control since he’s a god and the Qixing are mere mortals and stuff), but agree to disagree 😌 they’re all shady in some way in the end

I saw you are on genshin twt how is it 😔 (sadly I am on it too but I hate the timeline format because I keep missing posts) the amount of discourse of “whos bad, good, which problematic characters and ships need to be canceled”, and the amount of dissing that goes on there scares me

LITERALLY YOUR 2ND TO LAST PARAGRAPH that was what was missing from the archon quest. Where is my group effort guys?? I missed seeing the resistance… I hope the people speculating Kokomi gets a nice story quest are correct and that we’ll actually wrap up the loose resistance threads there… (also a lot of people are saying morally gray Kokomi? Is there any canon(derogatory) basis for that? I’m just curious because with the way things are going I feel like she’s going to be purely nice dhdkskf)

Im so sorry I think these just keep getting longer and longer aaa anyways, signing off! -mystic

noo i hate it when tumblr does that :((

(2.1 spoilers)

LMFAOOO maybe friendship is not magic after all ahaha but srsly, i agree w you i also want a 2nd quest for her !

ah that's fair enough if u don't have all the artifacts. and it would be easier if it was told to us through a quest of some sort. hmm i never thought about that 🤔 it's a shame that there's so much lore and the genshin universe is so beautifully worldbuilt but players will only notice if they personally read through the archives etc. and go out of their way :( hmm yeah maybe like a historical back-to-the-past type thing with the three clans and they all interact with the noblesse set? or even just diluc/eula/jean tbh

ah i read the lore for crimson before but i didn't remember it fully during the signora part so i had to read through it again after. the way it clicked in my head when it said "crimson witch of embers" and i was like ".....wait a minute....." AHAHA and it was only after that her lines during the fight like "don't call me a witch" or smth made me :'(((( the pale flame piece too 😭 sad hours

yeah at this point, the fanfiction writers should take over the genshin writing lol jk jk

mhm i guess the fake death would've been better and easier for closure ! (and woah u remember so much! i can't even remember that npc... it's been so long 😔 haha)

ah i think on genshintwt i'm usually more on the good side (? if u can call it that lmao) i do see quite a few discourse on ships, western vs. eastern fandoms and other yikes stuff but for genshin, it's mostly art that pops up on my timeline :] i follow wayyy too many artists but they're all so talented and they make such pretty art it's so 🥺 oh do you mean ur timeline isn't organised by latest posts first? if it's not, i can share how to make it that way!

yeah the resistance... :(( mhm! i was rly counting on a morally grey kokomi !!! LMFOAOO THE "canon (derogatory)" took me OUT PWAHAHA (i may reuse that quote ;D) that idea was mostly based on ayaka's last sentence (was it in the 2.0 archon quest?) where she said smth along the lines of the resistance having ulterior motives... and also how baal and co. defeated orobashi, the god they worship (like maybe kokomi was out for revenge?) but no sigh she's ur average good person :( idrc either way but i rly wanna see a morally grey female character where they appear good but are actually super dodgy and evil, that would be chef's kiss. but yeah, after that quest, she's definitely gonna be purely good :')

#ngl i actually rly love reading ur long msgs (and long msgs in general!)#it kinda reminds me of when i used to write penpal letters :<#and they way u sign off aw it's so cute and rly adds to the penpal-like experience LOL #btw sorry for the late response !#phi rambles #answered

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jmrphy · 7 years ago

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Meta reflections on Jesse Pinkman’s new book, Enlightenment Now, with a special focus on the Joe Rogan chapter

Warning: This was supposed to be a really quick thing about the reception of Steven Pinker's new book, in part just to rev this blog back up as an easier-going place for short, fun stuff. Accidentally it became a 4k-word world-historical meta-narrative about the changing political coordinates of contemporary intellectual life on a razor-thin evidentiary base.

I just read RS Bakker's thoughts on the new Pinker book. I thought they were very stimulating and seemed important/credible—although I didn't grok everything in my one time through on the train. They did, however, motivate me to jot down a few thoughts that have been recurring to me lately. They're not really related to Bakker's post.

I'm not going to comment on the Pinker book, first because I haven't read it; second, because I don't like playing in already overpopulated peanut galleries, it pains my frail ego; third, because, as with many things today, it seems to me the real theoretical points of interest are at a meta level. There's a time and place to use proper names, no doubt, but individuals and their particular products are often red herrings, I think. If I use the name Pinker below it's just for shorthand; this will really be about the larger class of prestigious public intellectuals of which he is only one example (as opposed to, say, the high-brow but unpaid batshit blogger class, the personal-brand-with-a-patreon class, the Youtube philosophy for dummies educator class, the Alex Jones balls-to-the-wall flight from Earth class, etc.). It turns out there are wayyy more ways to be a famous and influential intellectual than anyone could have known when they were in grad school in the 70s or 80s, or even the 90s really.

In fact, I won't even use Pinker's name, to emphasize that I'm really not out here trying to ankle-bite this great and good scientist who is much smarter and more accomplished than myself. Wherever I might want to refer to Pinker as an example, I will instead refer to Pinkman. That way you'll think of Jesse from Breaking Bad, in the form of a prestigious social scientist instead of a meth kingpin.

Highly successful and publicly influential academic intellectuals are playing a very particular kind of game. The logic of this game made sense even ten years ago, but I'm not sure it does anymore. The logic is something like this "Get really smart, make real scientific contributions, earn legitimate credentials and status, then leverage this elevated status to shape the body politic toward the Good (and also be handsomely remunerated, admired, etc. — but hey, fair enough.) I've never met Pinkman or many other famous scientists but my sense is they have given much of their life to some version of this noble vocation. This is an archetypal Liberal identity-mold, a tried and true, recognizable Calling, in a world where such things are increasingly hard to find.

Well, the past decade has thrown up some data points that really make you wonder whether the basic terms of this model still obtain. A few things lately have given me the bad feeling that someone like Pinkman may have invested most of their life in a certain kind of bargain with Liberal Society that, sadly, Liberal Society has now reneged on. I say this is a bad feeling because, if true, it's very unfortunate and I genuinely feel for them.

So what's this bargain I speak of, in a little more detail? First, for background, remember that for much of our history highly talented and creative individuals are typically punished by their groups. Reverse dominance hierarchies, etc., you can't let super talented people get too ahead of the others because then they'll dominate, or group morale suffers, or the group disintegrates, or whatever. Bad things will happen. So they'd cut you down to size at every opportunity. But liberal society was willing to offer super smart and able people a bargain: If you're really smart and able, then you can go off and cultivate your smarts but only on condition that you respect Liberal Society. It's a pretty genius solution actually: let the ablest flourish above everyone else but make them pay a cut of their gains to the cohesion of the whole. Win-win. The society got all the benefits of crazy geniuses solving problems, without them dominating or collective cohesion suffering. The geniuses not only got to enjoy their objective superiority on full blast, they also got to feel like it was all about doing good for others. And maybe it is.

It is the right to generously bestow social improvement that is one of the great joys of being a prestigious intellectual--could you imagine how exhilarating it must feel to have earned, through a life of study, the exalted role of institutionally sanctioned Society Improver at grand scale, how genuinely good it must feel to know that all of your sacrifice and hard work now empowers you to improve the knowledge and character of millions, and the political health of a whole society? Understood a little more rational-choicely, this is one of the key income streams that liberal society pays to its most prestigious geniuses, in return for their lifelong loyalty to all of the official tenets of harmonious Liberal Society. I think the data is pretty obvious in showing that no matter how genius you might be, if you go off the rails of "reasonable discourse" beyond a certain degree you quickly lose all of your standing and influence (on this model, anyway.

(Note that the newer classes of public intellectuals have figured out that if you decline the liberal institutional bargain, then going maximally off the rails can be its own direct path to extraordinary intellectual influence and economic reward. But more on that later, let's stay on track understanding the fine print of the liberal intellectual's bargain with liberal society).

Here's where things get a little shadowy because the harmony of Liberal Society is quite sensitive. It's kind of like a precious baby, and we love babies and would do anything to protect them, but this is how hypocrisy enters in automatically, because Liberal Society requires everyone to presume everyone else is an adult, and to treat everyone as such. For instance, when two groups violently disagree over certain deep moral questions, well, liberal society doesn't allow them to deal with it violently (a good thing perhaps, as Pinkman has amply documented). But what does it do instead?

The simplest way to summarize all of the things that Liberal Society does to reduce violence: It papers over the conflicts, which is maybe a brilliant solution, or maybe an insane, explosive solution that simply hasn't exploded yet — the jury is still out on that one. If Group A thinks abortion is murdering babies, and Group B thinks prohibition of abortion is enslaving women, the only way to deal with such profound and high-stakes ethical disagreement, other than civil war, is to derive some symbolic artifice(s) that will let both groups live peacefully with the other. Hmm, thinks Caesar, do we have anyone around here good at generating clever symbolic artifices? In swoops the knighted genius. The genius is delighted to take a break from self-cultivation in order to contribute to Harmony, and Caesar, as well as the common people, are happy to have someone on hand to explain why I don't have to worry if my neighbor is Evil. Win, win, win.

Thus baked into the vocation of the modern liberal intellectual is, from the get-go, a highly dissimulated condescension and hypocrisy. The liberal intellectual gets their status precisely from a superior ability (earned or inherited, doesn't matter) but they are contractually obligated to treat the normal masses as equals, when they know damn well that in fact, the normal masses are dumber, more dangerous, and in need of Harmonizing by institutions (paper). Also, remember that the genius wants to help, it's extremely rewarding to sincerely help society, but the noble sacrifice the genius admirably contributes to the social good is precisely the papering over, of whatever the normal masses need papered over for their well-being. This is how a basic minimum of dissimulation, condescension, and hypocrisy is structurally embedded in the vocation or calling of the modern liberal intellectual. We might note in passing it's also an avatar of Plato's Philosopher-King, a conceptual-political thought-rut that many progressive intellectual personae tend to inhabit in one way or another (and yes, here, Pinkman is a Progressive, despite some infamy among SJWs).

OK, so the modern liberal intellectual might be forced to pay lip service to a few small Noble Lies, but it's soooo much better than all that homicide and war in the earlier chapters of Pinkman's violence book, that it seems like a no-brainer. "There are political realities, it's not my fault, all I can do is speak the truth in a way that helps society the most. If that means I have to use my words judiciously, is that really so bad?" an elite cognitive scientist might reasonably ask. The only problem is that this entire model presumes that the speech of the prestige intellectual will remain highly weighted relative to the speech of anyone else who might take it upon themselves to explain things publicly.

What if external circumstances change in such a way that the masses start to intuit that the knighted geniuses have quietly been playing a political game all along? What if, empirically, things just so happen to play out in such a way that a critical mass of pretty average people (on the right and the left, and in their own languages and for their own reasons), quietly update their mental and behavioral models of the world in the realization that: "Eureka! I have a strong suspicion that some really serious issues have been papered over for some time now... and I'm not going to be a dupe any longer. I see what's going on, and I can play this game, too..." Well, one thing to note is that if this updating were to occur, even on a massive and rapid scale, there's no reason to believe we would know it anytime soon after it occurred. The next thing to see is that, suddenly, the entire bargain that the prestige intellectual based his whole life's labors on would suddenly be off the table.

So long as your pronouncements are weighted well by institutionalized attention monopolies, your lifelong service to science mixed slightly with Harmony-producing fluff was a reasonable and even maybe noble project. If your prestige loses its weight, then tempering your extreme intelligence with little white lies would be all for nought, because you're about to be left in the dust by new startups who specialize in unreasonably extreme truth-telling ("red pills" and many other colored pills now available) and also unreasonably extreme hypocrisy (self-help bullshit, SJWism, etc.). You'll still have your niche, but your effect on people and society will rapidly fall towards zero (along with the overwhelming majority of other people, including most smart people).

It seems to me that as a sociological phenomenon, Pinkman's recent book dramatizes a lot of what I'm modeling here. I think the world has changed a lot very recently and with many things we're like the roadrunner who's already off the cliff, but we haven't yet looked down to see the vast empty space beneath our galloping gait. In a strange way, I think dumber people have been doing more correct updating as of late, and some of the smartest people have been stubbornly failing to update lately. Dumber people have updated to not listen to a word of what the mainstream intellectual culture says, but smart people have not yet been able to update in response to this updating by dumber people (in part because smart people don't have any way of hearing about how dumber people are updating, and they're not exactly accustomed to caring about it). The inertia of media representations enforces a substantial lag between increasingly rapid techno-economic changes in the distribution of powers and our meager human mental models of where that power is.

All of this has been quite abstract, and I mentioned above that I have some data points, so I'll just end with those. I might have tricked you, accidentally, because to be honest, I've extrapolated this whole bonkers historical meta-narrative from a few very measly anecdotal observations. Well first, I kind of had in mind things like Trump and Brexit, i.e. signals of widespread mistrust of dominant institutions and respectable liberal wisdom. So those are pretty big and real data points for the kind of perspective I'm articulating here. I also have a few more specific ones, although they are very tendentious.

The first one is so silly, you're really going to laugh at me for writing this long post in part because of this ridiculously tiny and personal anecdote. You can write your own blog, I for one sense significant causal evidence in this little story. Basically, I listened to the Joe Rogan podcast with Pinkman about his new book and... Pinkman was fine, he's a brilliant and likable guy... but... something was wrong. Very wrong. Don't tell anyone because it's kind of orthogonal to my personal brand and I have to stay on point, but I've listened to many, many Joe Rogan podcasts. And I'm a professional social scientist mind you, so if anything the Pinkman podcast should be more interesting and effective on me, relative to the average episode. But it was just so... "boring" is not even the word. Flat? Anachronistic? Bloodless? Zombieish? None of these quite convey it, but together they give some sense. The point is that, as a minor young academic but a relative connoisseur of the new media, for me something really significant in the machinery of intellectual experience was failing to fire, so much so that it was quite strange. I was surprised and confused. But now I think I understand it; it's everything I've said above.

The world that Pinkman seems to think he is in, is not the world we're actually living in now. The book will be successful economically of course, but it has no affective-identity constituency, other than people who are already socio-culturally neutralized or priced-in by the current equilibrium. It's hard to see how anything will move or shake from this type of project anymore. Most intellectual figures preach to a choir, of course, so Pinkman is no better or worse for that — but some choirs move and shake and generate novel ripples on world history, while others just sit there doing nothing other than precisely what was yesterday's world history. Some books and podcasts and youtube videos make people want to leave their friends and family to join a jihad, some give you strong confidence that a reality-TV star would make a great president, some give you the extraordinary realization that all of society is controlled by a white supremacist patriarchy; all of these lead to novel, unpredictable schisms and re-aggregations, new social formations and subcultures, which in their affective vitality bubble up, viralize or mutualize or enter into arms races, and end up producing system-level outcomes such as electoral victories, migrations, communicating-contagion shooting sprees, various contagious mental pathologies, as well as genuine self- and community-improvement dynamics, unequally distributed. There's nothing better or worse about the Enlightenment Is Cool niche; it's just that it's identity-affective character seems predicated on precisely what we've recently realized is already gone, as demonstrated by the whopping piece of incontrovertible evidence that was my personal lukewarm reception of Joe Rogan's podcast with Steven Pinkman.

You can say I should not generalize from my personal affective experiences, but my personal position seems like it'd be most conducive to liking and being affected by the Pinkman podcast! I'm not talking about the content of his book whatsoever, I'm talking about the reality he takes himself to be playing in. I don't think it's here anymore. First of all, the halo effect of prestige markers is weaker than ever I think. Once upon a time his prestige would have increased the excitement of listening to him. Today, much less. Second, all of the intellectual action today is coming from unique combinations of intellectual horsepower with identity alignments. Jordan Peterson is blowing up in part because he's a smart, credentialed intellectual with a message but specifically because he gives an image of admirable life for a certain type of person. It's not that JP lovers are now changing the world in a way Pinkman lovers will not, it's that JP's identity-affective alignment is not already priced in by the status quo from which Pinker's authority derives (JP tapped emotional needs not already being supplied, through new media, not prestige; hence the socio-political splash). Hell, Joe Rogan himself, who no Serious Intellectual would even call an intellectual, is making similar waves in the intellectual ecology because his basic intelligence and character combine with a certain affectively attractive performance of life that he offers to certain types of people. I could go on.

The problem for traditional public intellectuals on the Liberal Vocation model is that the image of life they herald is radically unavailable to most people so the aspirational inroad to affective alignment is close to nil; it's actually genuinely contemptible to many people (and this is getting worse as the very real racket-nature of much academia is becoming increasingly transparent; ironically the hard-science backlash against postmodernism might have unintended consequences in this regard); and the information they're able to share with the unwashed masses tends to be freely available anyway. Or worse, listeners/readers can usually find someone rehearsing the same information who also offers an identity-performance more affectively aligned with their own temperament and social position. So vanilla prestige intellectuals don't have a monopoly on the information, they no longer even have an advantage on trustworthiness given widespread mistrust toward most institutions, and they uniquely, sorely lack one of the biggest drivers of intellectual impact in the new ecology: affective-identity alignment with moving and shaking niche audiences. (Although note that, with the global internet, "niche" can very well mean several millions of people). To make matters even worse, their cultivated knack for walking the line of polite respectable "good taste" is actually a negative on the balance sheet of their social influence.

Here's another data point. I was struck by the nearly instant appearance of so many reviews and commentaries, almost all of which were ideologically colored. I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily, I just mean so many of the usual suspects were saying things to the effect you would expect them to say. And when most of those items would appear on my radar, my eyes would just glaze over. But think about the commentary that most struck me, and by "struck" I mean this combination of intellectual horsepower plus temperamentally conditional excitement. I'm talking about the post by RS Bakker that inspired this post (by the way I really wanted to just hammer out a quick 500-word thing, but this always happens, which is why I can't let myself sit down to "write a quick 500-word thing" very often). As I said, I read it quickly on the train, and at this point I don't even really remember what it said. All I know is that it had intelligent comments about Adorno and Nietzsche and their critiques of Enlightenment modernity. It was scientifically competent as far as I could tell, and then it had some kind of batshit scientific extensions I didn't really understand but which seemed promising maybe. It was only after I read the post that I wanted to see who this guy was, and from what I could grok apparently he writes fiction but also co-authored with someone in Nature? (!).

So just reflect on this for a moment. Prestige scientist I admire writes book about philosophical/political topics I am highly interested in, he does a podcast that has no effect on me, a million reviews from prestige outlets come out and I can't feel any reason to care about any of them, and it just so happens that the one item in the intellectual ecology that affected me (e.g. motivated novel production on my part), was maybe the one fiction writer in the world who has a publication in Nature writing something on his personal blog (and I didn't even know anything about him until after I read the piece). That's so strange... or rather, it would be strange if we were living even in the 1970s or even the 1990s, but it's not at all strange today. Of course there exists in the world some scientifically sophisticated blogger able to talk deeply about Adorno and Nietzsche, of course he has a blog, and of course it would find its way onto my radar. Of course it would strike me, and of course as a young academic myself right now I am more motivated to write long blog posts than do my institutional duties. Of course, this is the new reality. The real puzzle is how and why the respectable prestige dancehall of liberalism v1.0 is still populated with a good number of really smart people, when all of the music is clearly pumping out of a variegated, thousand-room warehouse of the less compromising... liberalism flatlining at degree zero.

#theory #history #intellectuals #joe rogan #steven pinker #science #jordan peterson #enlightenment

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kenjkats · 7 years ago

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Notes Between Strangers (Kenji x F!MC Headcanon)

Another request for a Kenji HC by @aliaisreal ❤ You’re gonna have to tell me where you find these fun FUN prompts!!

Based on this prompt: “We write notes to each other on the desk we share at different times and I never knew who I was talking to until I saw you stay behind after class to write on it and holy shit you’re HOT.”

Note: Hope you don’t mind, it’s easier to HC when the AU is still somewhat linked to their reality, so instead of classmates this is an AU where they’re coworkers, but Alex (Hero name: Asteria) wasn’t put in charge of Kenji and The Grand, so they haven’t met yet.

Note 2: GOD HELP ME this is practically fanfic all the bullets were so long I just clumped them into paragraphs so yeah. Fun fact I used to write. Majored in it even, but haven’t done so in two years, so any measures to convert it from bullet hc notes to fanfic is probably A MESS™ Hope you like at least some of it tho lol

Word count: about 2800 which is RIDICULOUS. If you’ve never heard of a slowburn hc, well here you go.

HC request prompts / HC masterlist

Alex is sitting in the Prescott Industries conference room. She always sits in the same seat near the corner of the room, next to the largest chair in the room where her boss, Grayson is sitting. She’s listening to him talk to a room full of clients and noting down everything that’s happening. Sometimes these things go on for hours and they talk in circles. Alex tends to space out. She absent-mindedly scribbles in the edges of her notebook when this happens: little doodles of stick figures flying and fighting villains shooting fire from their hands, or she writes little notes about how she feels.

I’m tired. This meeting is boring and going nowhere. Wish I was in my tub with a good book right now. Or wine.

“Alex!” Grayson calls out, snapping her out of her daze.

“Yes, Mr. Prescott?”

“Did you get that last part?”

“Yes,” she replies trying not to look flustered, tearing out the sheet of paper with doodles and thoughts on it and placing it in the tiny shelf area the conference room table has underneath, out of Grayson’s sight. By the end of the meeting Alex is so flustered by all the instructions Grayson’s spouting off on their way out of the room that she forgets the piece of paper.

That afternoon Kenji was called up to the conference room to have a meeting with Grayson and a few important figures involved in The Grand’s opening night later that month. He shakes hands all around the table, flashing his signature charismatic grin, and takes a seat next to Grayson in the corner of the room.

He’s absent-mindedly drumming his fingers on the table as he’s listening to the men in suits drone on, when something falls from the table’s shelf and lands in his lap. Curious, he picks it up and reads it under the table, now ignoring Grayson and the others. He smirks to himself, amused by the doodles of whom he recognized to be Asteria, the other hero he’s been seeing running around the city. Kenji looks up and nods along. He answers a question or two to make sure he still looks like he’s paying attention.

He then picks up his pen and scribbles next to the note underneath the hero doodles:

Books get wet you know. Wine’s good. A good Darjeeling tea is even better. ;)

- K

Kenji folds the sheet of paper and returns it to the small shelf, letting it stick out just a little bit in the hopes that it catches its owner’s attention. He’s not sure why he replied. Or signed his name. But he found the writer amusing and honestly, he was bored of this meeting, too.

A couple of days later Grayson calls Alex into yet another meeting in the conference room. Things are getting hectic with preparations for The Grand’s opening. She sits in her usual seat and spots the folded paper peeking out from below the table. Did she leave something there? Unsure and curious, she takes a peek at the note as others take their places around the table.

Alex recognizes what it is the moment she sees her little Asteria sketch and is a little flustered to see that she had left one of her doodle pages in the conference room. She’s about to crumple it up when she notices something new. Alex stares at the words for a few seconds, a little baffled that someone was writing back to her. The corner of her mouth turns upward in amusement. She barely manages to hold in a giggle when she sees a tiny sketch of whom she recognizes to be Talos, wrestling with her doodle of Caleb. Then another of Talos posing with his muscles flexed and grinning.

Amused, she plays along and responds,

I’ll try that. Thanks, stranger. So… Talos fan, huh? Is it the bronze abs?

- A

As the days go by and the opening night of The Grand draws near, the conference meetings become frequent. Alex is usually called in with one group in the mornings, and Kenji with another just before the day ends. To pass the time and to relieve stress, they keep up with the notes. Something about the writer’s humor strikes Kenji, makes him want to play along even more.

Funny! I like Talos more for his shining (get it?) initiative to protect Northbridge. I mean, if we’re talking about sexy heroes I’d say a guy like me would look better with Asteria.

(A doodle of Asteria inside a heart is drawn next to the note)

But more importantly, you noticed Talos’ abs huh? You like those? /:)

- K

Alex blushes at the thought of this stranger being attracted to her. Well he means Asteria, but she is Asteria.

Hah! Let’s just say a classy girl like me can appreciate a sculpted figure. And Asteria’s wayyy out of your league.

She pauses and considers this stranger being so candid with her, and she’s interested in him.

Who are you again anyway?

- A

Kenji smirks to himself at the new message. He’s starting to like this snarky mystery girl.

You wound me! I’m a catch! Better than Talos, even.

(A doodle of a sad-faced Talos with a large X over his abs and a doodle of Kenji grinning, eyes closed and hands on his hips with fireworks behind him sit side by side underneath the note)

And me? Just a company man. Why? You interested, A? ;)

- K

It’s been about 2 weeks of notes now, and Alex wonders how she still lets herself get surprised by this cocky stranger greeting her during morning meetings. She sits there in disbelief again, but can’t help smiling at the little flirtation he’s started. There’s something comforting about the way they banter that Alex had been enjoying during these busy days. She wonders if she should encourage this.

“Alex,” Grayson calls to her, a slight frown on his face, “you’ve been distracted a lot in these meetings lately. Mind telling me what’s going on?”

Shit, she thinks.

“Sorry, Grayson, just a little overwhelmed by all the upcoming things to do on our… to do list,” Alex chuckles awkwardly.

“Yes, there is quite a bit, isn’t there?” Grayson replies, sighing. The conference room empties leaving the two of them. “Well, looks like I need to catch you up. I notice your pad’s blank, and you don’t have your laptop.”

Alex’s eyes dart to the notebook resting on the desk. “Right.”

Grayson pulls his chair in closer to Alex and begins to recap the end of the meeting. Alex is rushing to jot down all the important details, forced to stuff the note from “K” back into the shelf, forgotten.

Kenji is a little shocked, and worried, if he were to be perfectly honest, that he didn’t get a reply when he returned. As confident as he tries to be, his thoughts get the better of him; Maybe she just didn’t have a meeting this week. It’s happened before. Or…was I too forward? That usually works. In person, though. Huh.

The next day Alex hurriedly sits in her spot and searches for a note. She couldn’t find the time to even write back when there weren’t any people in the conference room because lately, there were always people. Or Grayson always needed her. Her hand feels underneath the table and shelf where they’ve started hiding their notes, in case other coworkers used the shelf space, and she lights up when she feels paper. She quickly reads through it before Grayson and the others come in.

The paper was littered with doodles of Talos in various poses with little speech bubbles telling “A” how much he loves her: Talos making a heart with his hands and grinning, or Talos holding out flowers, or Talos baring his chest with the words “I love you” written all over it.

Sorry if I came on too strong. The shameless flirting kinda gets in the way sometimes. But then again maybe you just need to see my pretty face for it all to work? lol I’m kidding. Really, though. Your messages have been the highlight of my weeks.

- K ;)

Alex giggled. She felt a little embarrassed, too, when she realized how much she was smiling by herself. She quickly regained her composure and wrote a response:

Ha. Alright, you’re forgiven… but honestly it wasn’t you. I just got caught up in a lot of work for The Grand. You might have heard of the project? Idk. Things are getting stressful though.

- A

The next days were busy, but it allowed them more frequent chances to pass notes. They both can’t deny that they looked forward to it.

Well! That’s a load off my mind. Couldn’t have the mysterious A mad at me. What would I do during these god-awful meetings?

Huh, you working on The Grand’s opening, too? We must’ve seen each other already. I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep actually. Busy busy.

- K

Riiiight. You, too? We would’ve known though, I mean clearly you sit in my seat soo… you work for Grayson, too, then?

- A

Right. Silly me. The lack of sleep and worrying that you were mad at me must have made it slip my mind. Yeah, Grayson’s my boss. Ok, who are you??

- K

And just like that the notes went from teasing and funny doodles to little comforts from a stranger. Funny doodles that cheered the other up. Little notes of encouragement. A piece of candy stuck to the back now and then. Alex was liking this side of the elusive K. She realized one day when she didn’t receive a note back that these messages were now the highlight of her workdays, too.

Kenji hadn’t been called up for a meeting in a while. He’d been forced to run around town meeting contractors and designers and musicians to get ready for the big night. He wondered whether or not he should drop by and give Grayson an update anyway. At least, just an excuse to drop off a note for A, he thought. It’s weird. He actually misses this girl he’s never even met before. Maybe in the morning, he promises himself.

It’s the day before the opening night and Alex is in the last big meeting. She decides she’ll leave another note. Maybe he just got busy like she did last time there was a lapse in notes, she thinks to comfort herself.

Kenji calls Grayson to tell him he’s visitng.

“Hey I was about to call you in for an early meeting. There are a few things I need to coordinate with you. My assisstant will help you out.”

Kenji comes over in the morning, clutching his note inside his pocket. He lets his eyes casually wander around Grayson’s floor, trying to see if he could spot A. He laughs to himself. You don’t even know what she looks like.

He decides to head over to the conference room where Grayson is already addressing a group of sponsors. Kenji stops in his tracks when he looks up and sees a woman sitting in his usual seat, typing away at her laptop, occasionally glancing upwards at Grayson. Something tells him that this is her.

Kenji loiters outside the conference room for a few moments, looking through the glass walls at “A.” He couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. He watched her, observed the way her dark hair draped her shoulders. Her smooth skin. Seductive eyes. She was perfect.

He knocks on the door and Grayson looks up to greet him, “Ah, Mr. Katsaros, come in! Everybody, this is Kenji Katsaros, the manager of The Grand I recently hired. Ah, Kenji, this is my assistant, Alex, Alex, Kenji.”

Kenji nods to the sponsors, shakes Grayson’s hand, then turns to Alex and shakes hers, lingering for a second. She gives him a confused look.

Just then Majorie peers her head in the door and calls Grayson out. He excuses himself, leaving Kenji next to Alex. The rest of the people in the room take this time to talk amongst themselves, and Kenji seizes his chance. He leans over to Alex who’s typing on her laptop and whispers, “So Alex,” he savors the name on his lips, glad he finally knows what “A” stood for, “you’re self-doodles certainly don’t do you justice.”

And Kenji watches her as her face changes from confusion to wide-eyed realization. He smirks back at her and winks. Grayson reappears before she could say anything else, and Kenji leaves his seat to sit across from Alex, with Grayson now in between them at the head of the table.

Kenji is relishing in getting to tease Alex in person. He’s definitely in his element now. He flashes her flirtatious glances with those gray eyes of his.

Alex is fidgeting in her seat, trying to stop herself from cracking a smile at his teasing or roll her eyes. She tells herself she’ll ignore him, just focus on her notes and Grayson and the meeting, but she can’t help but glance back at him, too. And she can’t help but notice how handsome he was. Those gray eyes were doing things her to her that she shouldn’t be feeling right now.

Kenji excuses himself to go to the bathroom during a lull in the conversation. He maintains eye contact with Alex as he stands up and turns to leave, slyly smirking as he went.

Kenji takes this chance to make a move. He’s always been one for surprises. He makes his way towards Grayson’s office, looking around for a sign of where Alex’s office or desk might be. He finds a nameplate on a desk in a smaller office outside of Grayson’s, and sneaks in. Kenji picks up a piece of paper and a pen, scribbles something then leaves it right in the center of her desk.

After the meeting is dismissed Kenji hangs back to walk with Alex and Grayson.

“So Kenji, you excited for the opening night tomorrow?” Grayson asks, taking on a more conversational tone.

“Oh, definitely,” he replies, but his eyes settle on Alex who tries to avoid eye contact while holding back a smirk, “Would it be cool if I brought a date?”

Alex’s eyes dart towards Kenji, an indiscernible look on her face. Kenji smirks in response, but speaks to Grayson, “she won’t get in the way of my duties, don’t worry. But showing off The Grand would be an impressive date, don’t you think?”

Grayson laughs and nods, “Of course. Go ahead.”

He glances at his watch and excuses himself, “Sorry, I’ve got another meeting to get to before the day ends. Alex, would you mind showing him out?”

“Not at all,” she replies.

When Grayson leaves she turns to Kenji and they hold eye contact for a moment before bursting into laughter.

“You are ridiculous! I can’t believe you!” Alex exclaims, giving Kenji a playful shove.

“Sorry! Couldn’t help it. Was too good a chance to pass up,” he says laughing.

They laugh it off for a bit and make remarks about seeing each other for the first time. They don’t admit it but they’re both in awe of the other.

“Hey so, you’re not my boss, right?” Kenji asks her, as they ride down the elevator.

“Nope. So?”

“So I don’t have a date for tomorrow.”

“I thought you said you had a–”

“I asked if I could bring one, not that I had one,” he smirks. They reach the ground floor and Alex walks him to the door, excited at where the conversation is headed, but trying her best to keep cool.

“Well then,” Kenji says with a grin, “see you around, Alex.”

He turns to leave and gets on his motorcycle. Alex stands there in disbelief, her expectations shattered. All she can do is laugh to herself.

“Unbelievable,” she murmurs, making her way back upstairs.

Alex walks over to her desk, still scolding herself out of embarrassment for expecting something from Kenji, when she spots a piece of folded paper neatly placed on he center of her desk, and a large “-K” written on the outside. She huffs at the sight of it .

She opens the note to find a phone number and, written in large letters:

Be my date tomorrow, A? Call me.

(A quick and messy doodle of Talos winking is scribbled in the corner)

Grinning from ear to ear and shaking her head in disbelief, Alex dials in the number and calls.

“Yo,” Kenji picks up almost immediately.

“So I saw the note.”

“And?” he says playfully.

“And you’re gonna pay for that little stunt.”

“Promise?”

“You’re absolutely unbelievable.”

Kenji laughs, “I know. Pick you up tomorrow at 8?”

#kenji katsaros #kenji x mc #choices hero #playchoices #hc #kenji hc #hc request #request #why did i write such a thing i hate writing i said i'd never do it loool #ugh this feels like shit #but ok #cause this took me a w e e k

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steamishot · 6 years ago

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Asia Trip Recap

I think I write this with some heaviness in my heart because I regret picking fights with him during the trip. Note to self: don’t travel with your SO when you’re PMSing!!

A few days before the trip, we met up at Wurst to plan our itinerary. I was tired from work but decided to meet up with him anyway. Again, he arrived later than he said he would and that put me in a bad mood. When I realized he was going to be late again, I almost cancelled on him and thought “maybe our relationship would be easier if it was long distance, so we won’t have to deal with these things”. During our dinner, I was annoyed because I felt he was judging me by putting extra sauce on my sausage. He made a disgusted face at it and said it tasted bad, and kept asking me why I liked it because I normally like to eat clean. I didn’t say anything that day and had the night to review what happened. I brought it up to him over text the next day saying that I felt he was being mean. He tends to bend over backwards and admits to wrongs, but i think he started feeling like he was always wrong. He tends to think “big picture” and in this fight, he understood that we were having a fight over food and that was dumb- and that he’s sorry and won’t do it again.

On the morning of our trip, he drove over to pick me up with his mom, who was going to drive the car back from the airport. They parked outside of my house, a few houses up, and my mom and grandma saw me out. Matt and his mom waved from outside of their car and I lugged my suitcase over. I was really nervous meeting his mom again. She was a part time physical therapist at the senior center I used to work at, and I remembered speaking with her a few times. The first thing she talked to me about was Cambodia… how Cambodia and China started off at similar playing fields, but that China advanced way faster. And that she really liked Cambodia. When I saw her I gave her a smile and a “hi”, but she just went for my luggage and was like let me take that. It was like a basic Asian greeting, which I am more comfortable with. So I was standing with Matt and his mom and waving bye to my mom and grandma. As were they. And it was kinda awkward because they’ve never met or knew of each other’s existence before lol. The car ride wasn’t that bad… she asked me a few questions about living in Echo Park and stuff about our trip. Me being the way I am, I said like a sentence in response to the questions and stayed quiet otherwise. I was sitting in the backseat and heard them talking about typical Asian stuff like universities, education etc. that almost put me to sleep LOL. I understood what he told me then, that his parents are pretty serious and he doesn’t joke around/laugh with them. Whereas I’m constantly joking with my parents and never really speak seriously with them. When we arrived at the airport and said our goodbyes, she told me while pointing to Matt, “he is a crazy boy”. Later on, Matt said that it was weird how his mom was fake laughing in the car and weird how she referred to him as a “crazy boy” since she’s never done so. When we boarded the airplane, I texted my mom and he texted his that we were about to fly. His mom responded additionally with “Connie is a good girl. Treat her well.” I saw the message pop up on his apple watch and he quickly swiped it away, because I think he saw my name and wasn’t sure if it was a weird message or not. But I read it quickly before he could haha. He responded with “Ok” and it made me feel good that his mom kinda accepts me.

The plane ride with ANA was great because it’s ANA and they have exceptionally good airplane food. We also got to play sexually a little on the plane so that was fun. I got mad at him again at the airport when I felt he was questioning me too much lol so that was like another hour wasted on negative energy. When we checked into our first Airbnb, it was worse than we expected… the floors were also dirty and I felt dirty laying on the bed. After I got up from the bed, I felt itchy. We were dirty as well being on the airplane/traveling for the last 15 or so hours. We ended up having sex and then showering/changing to get ready for the night. We both weren’t happy with the accommodation so we looked into other options. We went downstairs to speak with the host person, and he agreed the place wasn’t as nice as the pictures, i.e. “I admit that the pictures are professionally taken lol” lmao. So he agreed to refund us and we agreed to pay the clean up fee. I later contacted Airbnb with photos of the dirty floor and they refunded me the rest. We ended up checking into a nice hotel like 4-5 blocks away. The taxi ride there was $10! But it was wayyy more comfortable. After that experience, I was afraid the Airbnbs I chose for Korea and Taiwan weren’t going to be as good, and thought maybe doing hotels for Asia would have been a safer choice. When I came last year with my mom, there were two instances when we had to cancel our Airbnbs and stayed at hotels as well.

That night, we asked the hotel guy for recommendations. The place he recommended for izakaya was just alright… I think he recommended only like the “touristy” restaurants where they have English menus. We walked around til close to midnight and went back to sleep, so that we would be on the new timezone. The next day, we went to the Tsukiji fish market, Asakusa temple, Shibuya, standing sushi, and Kobe beef dinner. I thought the standing sushi was really fun and interesting. The other places I’ve already been to last year, so they weren’t that big of a deal to me. Tbh, the food in LA is just as good or even better than the places we had in Japan. The last (half day) we were in Japan, we had soba at a little shop outdoors that seats like 8 people max. That was one of the highlights. We also got to see the cherry blossoms… and those were beautiful. I was reminded at the garden that I’m more of a naturey/countryside person than a city person. (I enjoy the city only for food haha). Matt’s back hurt a lot the first night. I remember getting up at 5am to give him a massage. We did some yoga and I really enjoyed taking baths and using the bidets/toilets.

Going to Busan was a struggle. I didn’t know that the train to the airport only came once every half hour (instead of every 10 min or so). We were freaking out because we thought we were going to miss the plane. Once we got to the terminal, we ran and ran lol. And we literally got to the check in like 10 minutes before the window would close. After check in was another struggle, going through security. The line was longer than we thought, but we made it! We got to the gate as people were boarding. Very close call and stressful. I was so hungry on the plane that I ended up ordering instant noodles and paying for a bottle water.

It was gloomy when we reached Busan. We waited for the airport “limousine” bus to the city. There were a lot of Hong Kong people waiting around too. I started feeling sick and hot and took my sweater off on the bus. Matt said to put my sweater back on or that I will get sick. He said it’s the stress and being in a new environment that I can’t feel that I’m cold but I really am.. so I thought that was caring of him and put my sweater back on. It was my first time being in Korea. When I saw all the taxis lined up, I was reminded of the Korean dramas I used to watch. It was like K-drama coming to life for me. We stayed near the Busan station and the location was perfect. There were restaurants and coffee shops everywhere, and it was close to the station. It took a while to find the Airbnb but we were both blown away by it once we entered. Ironically, it was the cheapest Airbnb of our trip as well. The view was fantastic and everything was new. The washing machine was nice. The fridge was built into the cabinets. The A/C and heater were all new and so technologically advanced. I remember that about Busan’s airport- how advanced it was. Even though Japan is known as the city of the future, their airport was under renovation and all their workers were old and slow. The machinery they used was also kinda outdated. Not in Busan. The best thing about the Airbnb was the heated floors. I didn’t realize they were heated until I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. The first meal we had was pork soup and rice, with sides. I really enjoyed it because it was clean and we had way too much ramen the few days before. Busan also had way less tourists than Tokyo. I felt like tourists/foreigners were everywhere we went in Tokyo. Most people knew how to speak English. In Busan, there were like no tourists around and no one spoke English. It was definitely more fun that way.

The first (and only) full day we had in Busan, I wanted to eat at a little restaurant in the train station. The food didn’t look amazing, but it was one of the few things open and the owner seemed nice and encouraged us to eat there. As we sat down, Matt said “I’d rather eat at McDonalds”, which I got angered by and started a fight by calling him judgmental. The mood was tense the first few hours, mostly on my end. And it seems our “fights” mostly revolve around him being late or something food related (wait for the last fight). I guess we learned how to work with each other. When I was living in Taiwan, and visiting Japan with my mom last year, we often just chose restaurants by random. I was down to do that this time too, but he wasn’t so much into the idea. He prefers to yelp or use Tripadvisor for the restaurants we eat at, even though he claims he “doesn’t care about food” (eyeroll). So I would get annoyed when after being on Yelp or TA for a while he still couldn’t decide on something, or when he’s looking down on his phone so much he’s missing things in action. His argument is that he wants to have a plan of action, and he wants the decision to be a good one. My argument is that you can kinda tell whether food will be good or not by looking at the menu/restaurant/food in front of you and consulting the internet isn’t always necessary.

Anyway, we went on our day as planned. The temple was okay, the beach was nice- had a Santa Monica vibe to it, but it was foggy and we couldn’t see much. The cultural district with the “slum” view was super nice. Afterwards we went to a seafood market. It was then when he realized he wasn’t as adventurous as he thought. I learned that he wasn’t as adventurous as I thought too. He really enjoys watching travel vloggers (mostly white people) so I thought he would be into trying new things/food. But sometimes I felt he was like a white guy in a Chinese guy body- minus Chinese food, he can eat that. We went into the Jalgachi market and ran into a Chinese store owner. “I’m Chinese, not Korean. I’ll give you some extra free seafood for being Chinese” he told us. So we walked around and checked out the other stalls and came back to the Chinese guy. I got to try live octopus for the first time! Years ago, I was keen on trying it in Koreatown but for some reason couldn’t find a place and gave up. I also read that there were some deaths related to eating this because the tentacles may suck on the inside of your throat, but I don’t know how true that is. It was just as I imagined it tasting. I think it’s just the novelty that is fun. It was really nice going back to the Airbnb and sleeping next to such a nice view in a nice apartment.

Learning from our previous hurdle, we got to the airport early this time. However, we faced another hurdle… I think because Korean technology is too good. They stopped my luggage because I had about 40-50 face masks and it was required that I have them in a zip lock bag. The lady was nice enough to bring two out, but I was sad when I saw that there were about 15-20 that couldn’t fit and that were would have to throw them away if I didn’t check in my luggage. Most of the face masks, I had bought from Japan to give to my mom as she requested. The others, I had bought from a Korean store thinking it was special (later on finding out that they sell them here at target!!!) I couldn’t decide on the spot, but I looked sad that I had to throw them away. Matt went ahead and checked them in for a fat fee of $50 and regretted it immediately. When we were figuring out what to do, he said it’ll cost $50 to check in. When I asked him are you sure? He said he wasn’t sure so in my head I thought maybe it’s only $25. But internally he was sure. He felt bad about that, and I venmo’d him the money immediately because it was all my stuff. We both felt bad about it. At least we got to check out a few cool lounges at the airport.

At the Taipei airport, I learned about mainland Chinese people. They do not leave gaps when waiting in lines because people will cut. That is something Matt is cognizant about. They have a different understanding of personal space and will get up all in your business. I was annoyed by them and understand what people mean when they say Chinese people are rude… but it helped me understand where Matt is coming from sometimes. They’re just blunt and to the point and it is normal for them to speak that way. Maybe I’m the more Americanized one? At our last airport stop from Taipei to Shenzhen… I got cut twice in line at the restroom because I was the only person waiting in line. Anyone coming in will go in front of me and wait right in front of the stall that has the person coming out. Culture shock: you snooze you lose.

On our train ride to the city, we were looking up things to eat, and I said something like I want to eat! And he said “again??” and I got upset at that. When we got to the Airbnb, he ate some pastry we bought but didn’t have the capacity to eat. I thought, “why are you eating a pastry when we could be eating local food. What are you doing in Asia, people come here to eat”. He also commented on the Airbnb saying, it always looks nicer in the photos- which is a valid point because I did agree it wasn’t the best, but it made me feel bad at the time. I accused him of “not letting me eat” because we ate lounge food, or pastries instead of eating local food. I guess I was just being pissy and moody and extra sensitive. We went to Taipei 101 and he had Starbucks reserve for the first time. We went to the top of the tower and got to experience the observatory. For dinner, we went to eat at a fancy hot pot place I ate at with my friends back when I studied abroad there. I didn’t expect it to be so expensive, but the bill came out to be $120. A little into the meal, he said something along the lines of “I think you don’t know what you like to eat either” and that I only chose this restaurant because my foodie friend influenced me to. I got defensive because I felt like he wasn’t listening to anything I was saying – it was true that my foodie friend reminded me of this place and that I do value his opinions, but to imply that I only wanted to come here because my friend told me to angered me. I wanted to go back to a nice place that I’ve been to 5 years before. Had I known dinner would have cost that much, I wouldn’t have gone. Anyway, we argued through dinner and I couldn’t enjoy my meal as much. We were the last ones at the restaurant and I paid for the meal because I wanted to take responsibility for the cost. We went to the nearby night market after that. Whatever we were arguing about, he wanted to look at my text messages as proof of something, but once he saw my texts, he realized he was wrong. He was annoyed at himself the rest of the night and wasn’t in a good mood. Fighting with him felt different than fighting with David. Because even though we were arguing, I felt like we were still together and that he wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t emotionally shut down to the point where he would ignore me or walk away. Even though we were both in a bad mood, we still stuck close (maybe because we were in a foreign land), and I still felt secure in us. We went back to the Airbnb, where he worked on some applications for residency. It was like he couldn’t concentrate… it was the first time I saw him when he needed time alone/to himself. I left him alone, and then cuddled him later in bed.

The next morning, he was acting lovey and cuddly, more so than usual. He said it was his way of saying sorry. I had more to say… and he said guys can’t win with females, because they have ammo from way back when lol. But anyway, I asked for a full apology and it was fine after that. We started our day kinda late, but it was okay because we were both already really exhausted from traveling/walking everywhere and could use the rest. We went to eat Chun Shui Tang for breakfast, which was a highlight of the trip too. Chun Shui Tang supposedly “invented” boba, but I just recently learned of it. We had beef noodle soup and fried chicken, and jasmine tea with pearl. Everything was amazing. Afterwards, we went to Yangmingshan, the national park. The first stop was really nice and pretty. We had an impromptu picnic. The second stop- the main one with the cattle and grasslands—was filled with fog, so we couldn’t see anything. After that, we went to the same night market as the night before and had a better experience. It was a holiday of some sort so there was a parade and firecrackers. We also saw gogo dancers on moving cars. The dan dan mian we had was also excellent. We waited in a semi line for this sausage rice thing at a stall which a “michellin star guide”. It was my first time having it so it was interesting- good to try but wouldn’t get again. We went back home after and considered going clubbing, but was like nah- since neither of us had clubbing appropriate shoes. We went to eat xiaolongbao instead. In hindsight, I probably focused too much on food, and we should have racked up the energy to do some nightlife lol.

Our last day, we woke up kinda late, because I felt like my period was gonna come soon and therefore I was extra tired. We got ready to check out and left our luggages at Taipei main station, where we would have to go for the airport. Right below our Airbnb is a dance studio (ballet). They had pictures of all the girls in the class on the wall, and they had one special ed/down syndrome class. Matt described it as “little girls under us” which I thought was funny and made fun of him for. When we were leaving, there was a girl with down syndrome waiting there, so that was nice to see. Very independent. Memory in Tokyo: a little girl (~5 years old) standing next to Matt on the bus, and yelling out: hey stop the bus! It’s my stop! Also another memory from Taipei going to Yangmingshan: a lady yells at the bus driver saying why didn’t he stop the bus when she pressed the button 3 stops ago! (why she didn’t voice anything until after 3 stops later, don’t ask me). We went back to Willbeck coffee shop which had this really good sesame coffee latte (something I’ll miss). Then we went to this niuroumian place in an alleyway we saw that had a long queue. We waited in line and then were guided to sit down in front of another Asian American couple. We shared a table with them and sat directly in front of them. “this is intimate,” Matt said. The girl was like where are you guys from? To start conversation. Later we found out that they are both starting residencies too- basically I had lunch with 3 doctors lol. Matt was really good at talking to them and made them laugh, and I would just say something here and there but keep quiet the rest of the time. After they left, it was interesting to hear what he said about our interaction. We both forgot their names. He said the guy is good at bringing up a topic and the girl talks about it and finishes it. He said I mainly looked down and said something every 5 minutes lol. He said I was mostly focused on the food and the others were more half and half. But he admitted that he didn’t know what he ate afterwards. That was something I used to tell him when we first started dating, to stop talking while eating so he can taste the food.

So to the airport we went. Last stop Shenzhen for a layover before heading back to LA. When we got to the check in point, the guy nonchalantly told me: you have two problems. 1. The flight is going to be delayed so you will most likely miss your connecting flight. 2. You don’t have a Chinese visa so you might not be able to leave China. And Matt was like uhh those are pretty big problems no? So I was freaking out a little. Matt told me to relax, and that it’s coming from him (I’m usually the more relaxed one). Matt had a flight to Kunming from Shenzhen the next morning at 7am, so I thought if I missed my flight, at least we would be able to spend the night together.

So we stayed at the Taipei airport lounging for a few hours. The niuroumian they had there was actually really great. Walking into the lounge, it was like walking into a restaurant. That’s Taipei for you. Matt stuffed himself per usual and I ate a little bit. I ended up drinking like 4 glasses of red wine because I was stressed out about the flight situation. I was already pissed at Chinese people for them cutting me in line and being “rude” (culture shock), and horror stories from friends about going through China’s airport didn’t help. Matt took the subject seriously too, and told me to try to find nice looking customs people to talk to. He kept saying how Chinese people fear the government. But he also told me to relax. Drinking while watching music videos was fun. I was a little tipsy going on the flight. When we boarded the airplane, Matt noted how the airplane is part of the Boeing 737 Max line that crashed. I was like what the fuck. What else can go wrong. The flight was like 95% Chinese people with like 2 white people. We later found out that the pilot was also white (when he made the announcements). We were both like, thank goodness there are white people on this plane. I felt more safe.

Contrary to my expectations of it going to be a bad/scary experience, the Chinese people were actually really friendly and helpful. As our group of plane people entered the airport, there were two girls who shouted “who’s going to Kunming tomorrow morning?” so they had a plan of action for Matt already, who they were going to hook up with a hotel for the night. They also knew about me who had a connecting flight. They helped me get a temporary visa and I went through the airport no problem. They told me to hurry up and check in upstairs and said Matt can retrieve my luggage and bring it up to me later.

Takeaways from the trip:

He mentioned how I do stuff he doesn’t like either but he just lets it go and doesn’t point them out. Whereas I’m nitpicky and point out the stuff I don’t like. He then feels that he’s always in the wrong/can’t do anything right. I think this was a problem in my past relationship too- my perfectionism. One thing he said that stood out was that I hold him to a really high standard. And it’s true. He says I respect my friends more than I do him. That if my friends act a certain way, I can always justify it and I’ll be on their side. But I have trouble doing that for him. Which is another thing I think is true in relationships too. Because I don’t see my friends as often, or their lifestyle/decisions don’t affect mine as much, I can easily be more supportive. I can let things go more easily because we aren’t as very intimate. That’s something I will work on doing.

And our pride- we both want to be right, but in reality, we are both right to an extent. Towards the end of the trip, I realized that what he says is right too, and it seemed he realized what I mean as well. We are both stubborn and forget to be kind over being right.

Anyway, this trip was stressful, the way it was planned wasn’t the best. We only had one full day in each city and maybe at least 30% of the trip itself was traveling/going to and from airports. That put pressure on that one full day being going well. Since I’ve been to Tokyo and Taipei before, I didn’t experience that many new things, so I do want to go somewhere new next time. And that was also my bad, because I wasn’t as open minded to the other countries and I thought it would be nice to be with him to experience his “first” in Asia (outside of China).

They say traveling with someone is like getting a taste of what it’s like being married to them. Even though we got on each other’s nerves and traveling was a struggle at times, we’re still there for each other at the end of the day. I hope, at least. Saying bye to him in China was sad, as he is staying in Asia for an additional 11 days while I’m back in LA. It was hard going from sleeping together for 6 nights straight to not, especially when struggling with jetlag- you just want some love. LDR is definitely harder when your SO is halfway around the world, and there are only a few hours in a day when your times match up. It’ll be hard saying bye to him when he leaves for NY. Maybe I’m needy, but it already sucks not being able to talk to him normally for 3 days now.

Before our trip ended, he kept saying “our trip is ending soon…” and he is planning out the remaining weekends he has with me. He wanted to do Seattle the weekend he gets back, but I said it was too rushed and that he will be jetlagged. So it made me sad that after he leaves for NY, our relationship will never be the same. Because I’m certain his workload will be very hectic and it will remain hectic for at least 3+ years. And that made me realize I really don’t treat him with the same respect as I did when we first started going out. That I’m becoming “comfortable” with him/taking him for granted. So I’ll just be mindful of that in the future. To remind myself to think big picture instead of narrowing down on details.

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creepypasta-stories-4-all · 8 years ago

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The Origin of Eyeless Jack

Click… click… click…

Jack continued pressing the button on the remote, idly watching the different channels pop up before changing again. Nothing really came on during the weekends, surprisingly. Nothing but 'Paid Programing' and other TV shows he didn't enjoy. Sighing, the college student rose up from his sofa, making his way to the desk resting against the wall next to his bed. He was already done with homework, finishing most of it in class that day. Unlike his roommate, Jack could get his shit done fast enough to have the rest of the day to himself to do whatever.

He wasn't feeling to play any video games. Didn't really want to drive out anywhere. Swiping his black hoody off his chair, Jack slipped it on and grabbed his dorm keys shoving them in his pocket after closing the door behind him. A nice walk around the campus should do the trick. Fresh air usually calmed him, if not helped him think. Lately he'd been feeling… different. He knew it wasn't his body, or college itself. He didn't have any girlfriends to worry about. He just felt different without any explanation. It gave him a headache he was thinking so hard. Jack rubbed his temples, pushing the door leading outside with his foot. A gust of wind swept across slamming the door behind him.

It was around 6PM, the sky was mixed with both orange and blue. The further the sky grew the darker it got. Curfew, surprisingly, was 12 o'clock Midnight. He never really questioned it vocally, but always wondered why it was so late. Usually curfew was around 8PM where he lived.

"Hi Jack!" The male looked up to see one of the girls in his class. She most likely left class, considering she still had her book bag on her shoulder. Jack half smiled and rose a hand to greet her. It was-- oh, what was her name? Jenny! Jenny Smith.

"Hey Jenny. Just now leaving class?" Jenny smiled and nodded her head, adjusting the strap. "It's pretty late, what made you stay so long?" The girl's smile lost it's brightness for a split second before reviving.

"Oh… Just a study session. We have finals comeing up soon y'know. Best to stay on the ball." She giggled before tucking her hair behind her ear. "What are you doing out here anyway? It's gonna storm tonight." Jack shrugged his shoulders before eyeing the sky, smelling the air for moisture. Yep. It would rain any second.

"Just came out for some fresh air is all. Got done with homework in class 'n stuff. Didn't feel like playing any video games or watching TV. So I came out here." Jenny nodded her head every so often, showing him she was paying attention, and smiled again.

"Hehe, well, you got your air. I gotta go though, I'll see you later!" Before Jack could reply with a goodbye, the girl quickly dashed off past him, following the sidewalk up around the side of the dorms. Jack rose a brow in curiosity, his mind zipping with questions. Only to have it cut off by a drop of rain-- then another, and another.

"Shit." He muttered, running back to the door to get back inside, not wanting to get too soaked in the rain. Another slam of the door rose up behind him. Jack started shaking his fingers through his hair, sending water droplets everywhere while wiping off the rain from his face and jacket. As he made his way back up to his dorm room Jack began fishing through his pockets for his keys, whistling a random tune while he traveled up the two flights of stairs. Listening to his tune echo out in all directions. It was kinda creepy, now that he thought about it… Where WAS everyone? It was too quiet for a Friday evening. There was usually people up and about… maybe lots of students staid behind for tutoring. Maybe some went home for a weekend. Maybe people are already in bed, or in their dorms. Being very… very, quiet.

Jack sighed as he began unlocking the door, shoving his keys back in his pocket after the door closed behind him.

"Yo Greg! You here?" Nothing. No response. Just the sound of rain hitting against windows. "Huh.. guess he's studying too…" That's a first. Jack made his way over to his bed, slumping down to get ready to sleep. He pulled off his hoody, kicked his shoes off, and rolled over to face the wall, not bothering with the covers. He just wanted some sleep. Closing his eyes, Jack slowly began dozing off. The rain practically lulling him to sleep.

"Praise Chernobog, for his bloodstained hands will bring salvation to us all! HE shall bring us closer to our everlasting paradise! HE is our lord and savior! Praise Chernobog! Praise Chernobog!!"

Jack let out a gut wrenching gasp for air, waking in a cold sweat. His eyes darted from one corner to another before rising up from his spot. He panted, feeling his hands tremble from the dream he just had. Jack looked around his room, relieved that his roommate Greg was in his bed. He could tell he was fast asleep from the dreaded snoring that came out of him. He himself was surprised he could sleep through it. Slowly exhaling through his mouth, Jack rose up from his bed, staggering to the mini fridge on the other side of the room. His mind churning questions. What kind of dream WAS that?? Never had he experienced one so… so real. Grabbing a water bottle from the mini fridge, Jack began gulping down the bottle, not caring if he woke up Greg.

Letting out a cold sigh Jack tossed the now empty bottle into the recycling bin, now making his way to the bathroom. He stopped in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sides of the sink as he eyed himself. He was pale, eyes border lining bloodshot. Groaning, he let his head hang low, fighting the urge to vomit. "Man… What the fuck…" He murmured, running his hand across his forehead to wipe away more sweat. That's what I get for playing those survival horror games. He though to himself, slightly smiling as he began brushing off the whole thing. Get it together Jack, it was only a dream. Dreams don't come true. You've just played too much Silent House is all. No big deal. Just go back to sleep, and get some decent rest. "Easier said than done…"

That morning, Jack felt someone shake him awake.

"Dude, Jack, wake up bro, you've GOT to see this." Jack let out a tired, irritated groan from under the covers, slowly pulling them down to see what Greg wanted. The blonde grinned and flashed a photo on his phone in his face. "Guess who got laid last night." It was a picture of some topless girl on his lap, posing for the camera.

"… She looks drunk." Jack muttered sleepily, his hand slowly rubbing the sleepies from his eyes. Greg blew air through his pursed lips, rolling his eyes as he closed his flip phone.

"You're just jealous."

"Bullshit. I'd rather have a life than get some chick pregnant at college."

"Touche good sir, but fuck you, I use protection."

"Whatever…" Jack began pulling his covers back over his head, feeling the weight of his friend rise up off his bed. Good, he could get back to sleep.

"Dude, I had such a weird dream last night." Jack paused when his mind processed the word 'weird dream' and was instantly awake.

"… Really…? Me too… What was it about?" Greg shrugged his shoulders, his fingers flying across the numbers on his cell, forming a text to his girlfriend.

"I had a dream where my grandma blew up like a balloon and started chasing me around with a giant fly-swatter." Jack's fear and anxiety dropped. He turned his head to look at him.

"… What the hell dude." Greg laughed after snapping his cell shut.

"I know right?? Fucking hate that hag. Won't surprise me if she completely dislikes me. I broke so much shit in her house as a kid." Jack rolled his eyes, fully pulling the covers over his head, wanting to get more sleep in. Greg looked over and rose a brow. "You said you had a dream right? You remember it?" Jack laid there in silence, wanting him just to leave already. The blonde furrowed his brow and began nudging Jack's back with his foot. "Come onnn, tell me. I know you're awake."

"… I had a dream about some guy 'preaching'."

"And you say MY dream is weird."

"I never said your dream was weird. But it is."

"Anyways, go on." Greg pulled his knees up, resting his arms on them as he listened. Jack sighed and rose up from his warm salvation of sleep.

"There was this guy preaching about some guy named 'Chernobog'. And that he'd lead everyone to paradise with bloodstained hands. They were dressed in these weird looking robes and wore these weird masks..." Jack looked over to his friend, watching him give a weirded out look.

"… Bro, you've played WAYYY to much Silent House." Jack smiled a little and shrugged his shoulders. Relieved that his friend had said his thoughts the night before.

"What can I say? I love horror games."

Jack spent most of his morning studying for finals, wanting to get school-related things out of the way before he could enjoyed his weekend. Greg left to meet up with his girlfriend, telling Jack he'd be back around 6. It was usually on Sundays when the two sat down together and played one of the many video games that had until it was time for bed. For Jack that is. Sighing, he turned the last page over on his notes packet, memorizing his handwriting slowly. Suddenly, a knock at the door tore him from his studying. Jack turned his head and eyed the door, then rose up from his desk to answer the door. Pulling it open, he was surprised to see Jenny standing in front of the door. "Oh… Hey Jenny." Jenny smiled and waved.

"Hi Jack! What are you doing inside on a Saturday?" Jack looked back to his desk before turning back to the girl.

"I'm getting my studying done early so I can enjoy the rest of the day with relaxation." Jenny nodded her head understandingly and placed her hands on her hips.

"Well, I'm sure you've done enough studying, you should come outside. Everyone's doing something today." Jack mentally sighed in relief. Good, so people WERE here today.

"I'll come out when I'm done. I guess…" Jenny giggled and nodded again.

"Hehe, okay~! See you later!" As just like that, the student was off in a flash. Jack smiled a little before closing the door, making his way back to his desk. He sat down and began rereading the page of notes, keeping everything fresh on his mind.

Then it hit him. How did Jenny know where his dorm room was..? They never really talked to eachother, let alone shared dorm room numbers. It kinda gave him a creepy feeling at first. But then his realist side thought otherwise. Maybe she saw you come into this room once without you noticing. Maybe Greg had told her what room he lived in, and it just so happened that Greg and he shared rooms. Shaking his head in frustration, Jack rubbed his temples.

"You're just overanalyzing everything Jack. No need to fret over pointless stuff.." He said to himself, running his fingers through his hair. Maybe he was done studying for the day. Again, he swiped up his hoody off his chair and slipped it back on, along with his shoes before heading outside. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he felt himself breath another sigh of relief when he saw how many students were up and about. Glad to know he wasn't going crazy.

He watched as some people played ball, tossing either a football or baseball. Girls were huddled in groups outside, talking about lord knows what, not that he cared. He was just happy to see people. Just then, a hand crept over his shoulder. Jack looked back to see it was, none other than Jenny. Again. "O-oh, hey Jenny." The girl smiled.

"Hehe you're outside of that dark room! Took my advice to come out eh?" Jack smiled nervously, giving a nod or two. "You should hang out with me and my friends. We're gonna go for a walk in the woods." Jack rose a questioning brow.

"For what?" Jenny laughed.

"We're just hanging out at our place. Come on, don't be a wuss." Jack felt a little hesitant at first, but he slowly came around and agreed to follow. Jenny grabbed him by the hand and began tugging him along, making sure he was close. "Hurray! Off to the Cave!"

"The Cave?" Jack asked, watching the forrest grow bigger with every step.

"Our hangout silly! Sarah found it at the beginning of the year, so we decided to make it a hangout area for us."

"Us?" Jack asked again, looking back over his shoulder watching the school slowly get consumed by trees.

"Me, Sarah, Bobby, Fred, and Luna. You ask a lot of questions." Jack couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh.

"Sorry, I don't mean to. I've been having a rough weekend is all." Jenny looked back at him and smiled.

"It's okay! We all have our days."

As minutes passed, the two walked around what seemed like an invisible path that only Jenny could see. Jack couldn't help but begin to worry. He was about to open his mouth to ask another question, until the girl released his hand, punching her fists in the air. "We're here~!" She sang, running ahead of the boy. Jack looked up to see a rather large cave next to a babbling brook. He watched as two girls and boys appeared from inside it, greeting Jenny happily-- until they saw Jack. Their smiles faded and they began leaning in to Jenny, whispering while keeping their eye on him. Jack felt a little nervous, feeling as if he shouldn't be there at all and that he should be back at his dorm room playing Silent House. But, Jenny looked back as well, gesturing him to come forwards like it was okay. The brunette took a deep breath before making his way over, eyeing over everyone but Jenny. All of them still didn't look pleased, despite their forced smiles.

"Uhh… hey." Jack rose a hand giving a wave. Sarah eyed him over before crossing her arms.

"Hi." She said bluntly.

"Hey." Said Bobby and Luna.

"Sup?" Fred smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"What's he doing here Jen? I thought it was just going to be you." Jenny rolled her eyes at Sarah's statement and wrapped an arm around Jack, her free hand patting him on the chest.

"I thought it would be cool if you guys met Jack. He's a really cool guy, honest!" Luna and Bobby looked at one another while Fred nodded.

"I've heard about him. Straight A student, smart kid." Fred walked over to Jack and began leading him inside the cave, rambling on about what kind of video games he liked. Leaving the group outside. Sarah shot daggers towards Jenny. Jenny gave a stink eye back.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing Jen?? You can't let outsiders into--"

"He's not going to find anything out. Be nice for a change, Sarah." Sarah glared, then grumbled under her breath, following after Fred. Luna and Bobby looked at one another before going in as well.

The group settled inside, everyone huddled around a fire in a circle. Jack sat in between Jenny and Fred while the others completed their small circle. Jack felt uncomfortable, especially with Sarah giving dirty looks every so often. But surprisingly, the evening wasn't all too bad. Everyone got to know a bit more about him, asking questions and talking about what they enjoyed doing, talking about school and exams. Jack looked around the cave as they spoke. It was cool inside. They had tables and desks, places where they set up books. They even had a compartment for food. It really was like a place to hang out. I guess I worried about nothing. Jack thought, smiling at the comment Fred made. There was a sudden clap of thunder from the distance, causing the group to look up at the entrance of the cave.

"ANOTHER storm??" Sarah complained, rising up with a book bag over her shoulder. "I'm leaving, last thing I want to do is get caught in the storm. Bye." Sarah turned on heel and ran over to her bike resting up against a tree, and rode off back to the school. Luna and Bobby both rose up together.

"We don't want to get wet either… We'll catch you guys later, okay?" Luna said, smiling over at Jack and the others. The duo both pulled their book bags up off the ground, running off to try and beat the storm. Fred didn't move.

"I'm gonna stay here for a bit, there's some things I need to get back here. You guys can go on ahead if you want." Jack looked to Jenny before getting up off the stool.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go back too. Greg is probably back and might be wondering where I am." Jenny smiled up at him and nodded.

"Okay! I'm gonna help Fred, just follow the same path back to the school. I'll see you later, Jack." Jack smiled and waved goodbye to the two, he too making his way out of the cave and into the forrest. It shouldn't be too hard to get back, if he followed Luna and Bobby from afar.

An hour passed. Jack began unlocking his dorm door with his keys, opening up the door to find Greg on his laptop on the sofa. Greg looked up and smiled.

"Yo Jack. Where've you been?" He asked, surprised that Jack had stepped out altogether.

"I was invited to come look at some 'secret base' in the forrest behind the school." He replied, closing the door behind him while he began kicking off his shoes. Greg rose a brow closing his laptop.

"Oh really? Invited by who?"

"You know that Jenny girl in our first period class?" Greg's smile slowly faded.

"Dude, she's weird…" Jack furrowed his brow in confusion.

"What do you mean she's weird? Weird like how?" Greg looked away nervously before answering.

"You know what kind of shit she reads? She has like, books upon books about these freaky-ass cults. I shit you not." Jack rolled his eyes before walking over to his dresser. "Dude, I'm serious! You probably shouldn't hang out with her. People who read that stuff are messed up in the head."

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Jack replied, rummaging around through his clothes. "I'm gonna take a shower. We have another storm coming." Greg blinked and looked back at their window.

"Aww man, really? I was going to go out with Gabby tonight…" He moaned sadly, watching the clouds churn into a deep grey. Jack chuckled at his friend before going into the shower.

"Jack. Jack wake up! Wake up Jack!" Jack felt Greg shake him, groaning in anger.

"Uuugh what?? What is it??" He asked, looking up at a nervous Greg. Greg looked over to the window.

"Dude, someone's out in the forrest lighting fires." Jack rubbed his eye with his palm.

"Do what?"

"Someone, is outside, lighting fires. Look!" Greg pulled him out of his bed and pointed out towards the forrest. Jack sighed, still rubbing his eyes before looking out the window. To his surprise, there was a fire lit. But it was far back into the woods. Almost around the area where Jenny's 'select base' was.

"Well I'll be damned… There is a fire." He muttered, noticing that the storm had stopped. "What time is it?"

"2AM."

"We should go check it out. That looks like it's where their little hideout is." Greg gave Jack a freaked out look of 'you're out of your fucking mind'. "What?? I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation why someone's out there lighting fires."

"Yeah, for cults." Jack shot him a look.

"Dude get over yourself. There is NO cult."

"I call bullshit. I'm not going." Jack smirked.

"You chicken?" He asked, watching Greg get flustered.

"Dude, seriously, don't go. Last thing you want is getting in trouble…" Jack rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, I'm going to check it out. If there's anything wrong, I'll report it to the headmaster." Jack changed out of his pajamas, dressing in jeans, a blue t-shirt along with his black hoody and shoes. Pulling out their emergency flashlight from the desk drawer, Jack walked over to the door. "I'll see you in a bit." He called out, watching Greg shake his head.

"Curiosity killed the cat man, killed the cat!" He called back, watching the door close.

Jack pulled his hood up over his head and began making his way down the stairs. It was probably just Jenny and her friends hanging out at their spot late at night. I mean, loads of people do that, right? The second he walked outside, Jack felt the air shift from normal to damp and chilly. He began making his way towards the forrest, using the flashlight as much as he could to follow the path Jenny led him down the previous day. Jack started growing nervous, listening to the sounds of life of night in the forrest. Easy now Jack, there's absolutely nothing that can hurt you in this forrest. Nothing.

Minutes passed as Jack finally began getting closer to the cave Jenny showed him before. He could see the dim light from afar, and talking. Loud talking, but it didn't sound like Jenny or Bobby, or anyone else from their group. The closer he got, the clearer the voice. Turning off his flashlight, Jack peeked around a tree. What he saw shook him to his core. There, standing outside of the cave was a group of robed people. Judging by their height, they were students. Both male and female. They all wore black robes and blue mouthless masks with big eyeless holes. One of them began stepping up to a podium. He rose his hands up in the air.

"Thank you, my brothers and sisters for joining me this night of nights. Tonight is the night when we summon our lord and savior, Chernobog!" The group below him cried and called out things like 'Praise Chernobog!' and 'All hail Chernobog!'. "Tonight is the night, when Chernobog will choose his sacrifice! The one who will lead us to paradise and free us from this Hell!" The group of students began cheering, chanting the name of 'Chernobog'.

Jack shook his head in disbelief, slowly backing up from the tree he hid behind.

"Oh my god… there really IS a cult!" He murmured. Jack turned to run back to the school, only to be stopped by Jenny, who was standing there the whole time. "J-Jenny! Thank god you're here!" Jack ran over to her. "Th-there's this cult thing, w-we got to go tell someone!" Jenny smiled.

"Cult? There is no cult, Jack. You're just overreacting." She chuckled, suddenly feeling Jack shake her by the arms.

"NO! Listen to me! We need to get out of--" Jack's words were cut off from a rock against his head. His eyes fluttered slightly, stumbling back before collapsing on the ground with a thud. Blurry figures began circling around him as he watched Jenny smile down at him. Then everything went black.

Jack awoke from a bucket of cold water being dumped over his head, blood trickling down the side of his head onto his ear and side of his face. He winced, feeling his head throb in pain. The second he remembered the last thing he saw, he gasped, looking up to see that he was sitting in front of everyone. His arms were held firmly behind his back. The leader of the cult walked up in front of him and smiled under the mask.

"Chernobog has found his sacrifice! Hail Chernobog!" He called, listening as the group repeated the phrase. Jack attempted to struggle, the pain of his head fighting against him. "You shall become one of Chernobog's sons, the chosen one to live upon this wretched world and do his bidding." The group cried the phrase once more. Jack shook his head as fast as he could.

"N-no… No! All of you are crazy! Let me go!!" He yelled, letting out a yelp of pain from his arms being twisted. The leader laughed, turning to the group behind him.

"Come! My brothers and sisters, help me change this nonbeliever into the son of Chernobog!" The group chanted the phrase, stepping closer to form a large circle around them. "Praise Chernobog, for his bloodstained hands will bring salvation to us all! HE shall bring us closer to our everlasting paradise! HE is our lord and savior! Praise Chernobog! Praise Chernobog!!" He cried once more. Jack listened as the group began chanting in a different language, he felt his heart beat grow faster, watching one of the group members walk before them with a tray of tools and other queer objects. The person pulled their mask off, revealing it to be Jenny. She smiled taking a spoon from the tray.

"Isn't this great Jack? The great lord Chernobog has chosen you to be his son!" Jack shook his head, tears flooding his eyes. "I never knew you'd be the one."

"No! Jenny no! Please, please don't do this!" He begged, watching her stop in front of him. She giggled placing her hand on his forehead.

"All hail lord Chernobog~."

The girl then stabbed the spoon in his left eye, ignoring the cries of pain Jack let out. He squirmed and struggled agains the two who held him down feeling his eye being gorged out from it's socket. "Hold still Jack! You'll make me kill you." Jenny said with complete calmness as she began working on his other eye, watching blood spirt and trickle down his face, still ignoring his cries and pleas. The leader stepped in, holding a bowl of black hot ooze in his hands.

"Behold, the sight of Chernobog!" He called, watching Jenny hold his head still and began pouring the tar-like liquid inside his eye sockets. Jack let out a bloodcurdling scream of pain, feeling the substance overflow and trickle down his eyelids. Placing his hand on Jack's forehead, the leader began chanting the same language as the others, watching as Jack's body become limp and lifeless. He watched as Jenny held a book open to a passage of a different language.

Rise great lord Chernobog

Rise and take vessel of the sacrifice we give you

Give yourself to this vessel

Be one with this vessel

Rise great lord Chernobog

Rise

Panting heavily, Jack rose up from the now dead body of Bobby, yanking off the mask he wore like the others. Standing up, he looked over the massacre he created. Every single person was dead. Masks torn off, throats slashed, guts cut open, eyes gouged out. His hood and pants stained with blood. Scalpel in hand, Jack turned to the last living person. Jenny, border lining death, watched as he stepped above her. His skin had turned black, teeth sharpened to a point, nails long and sharp. He wasn't human anymore. She smiled, blood leaking from her mouth as she spoke.

"R-release me… into ever..lasting… paradi..se…." Jack growled low, teeth showing.

"You don't deserve paradise… none of you do…" He knelt down, swiping the mask from the ground. "Burn in Hell. ALL, of you." Jenny watched as he pulled the mask on, the black substance trickling down onto the mask from his eyes. She grabbed ahold of his ankle weakly, begging to be released to paradise. Only to have him pull away from her before walking off into the shadows. She cried, tears rolling down her face as she called out to him until her last breath.

This just in! A group of students have been slaughtered at West Point College. Autopsy reveals everyone's kidneys have been removed for reasons unknown. Many believe it has to do with a supposed cultist act at the school. Student Jack Nichols has been reported missing. More tonight at 9.

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thesharklord · 6 years ago

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Eyeless Jack Pt 1

Origin of Eyeless Jack

Click… click… click…

Jack sighed as he began unlocking the door, shoving his keys back in his pocket after the door closed behind him.

"Praise Chernobog, for his bloodstained hands will bring salvation to us all! HE shall bring us closer to our everlasting paradise! HE is our lord and savior! Praise Chernobog! Praise Chernobog!!"

That morning, Jack felt someone shake him awake.

"… She looks drunk." Jack muttered sleepily, his hand slowly rubbing the sleepies from his eyes. Greg blew air through his pursed lips, rolling his eyes as he closed his flip phone.

"You're just jealous."

"Bullshit. I'd rather have a life than get some chick pregnant at college."

"Touche good sir, but fuck you, I use protection."

"Whatever…" Jack began pulling his covers back over his head, feeling the weight of his friend rise up off his bed. Good, he could get back to sleep.

"Dude, I had such a weird dream last night." Jack paused when his mind processed the word 'weird dream' and was instantly awake.

"… Really…? Me too… What was it about?" Greg shrugged his shoulders, his fingers flying across the numbers on his cell, forming a text to his girlfriend.

"I had a dream where my grandma blew up like a balloon and started chasing me around with a giant fly-swatter." Jack's fear and anxiety dropped. He turned his head to look at him.

"… What the hell dude." Greg laughed after snapping his cell shut.

"… I had a dream about some guy 'preaching'."

"And you say MY dream is weird."

"I never said your dream was weird. But it is."

"Anyways, go on." Greg pulled his knees up, resting his arms on them as he listened. Jack sighed and rose up from his warm salvation of sleep.

"… Bro, you've played WAYYY to much Silent House." Jack smiled a little and shrugged his shoulders. Relieved that his friend had said his thoughts the night before.

"What can I say? I love horror games."

"Hi Jack! What are you doing inside on a Saturday?" Jack looked back to his desk before turning back to the girl.

"I'm getting my studying done early so I can enjoy the rest of the day with relaxation." Jenny nodded her head understandingly and placed her hands on her hips.

"Well, I'm sure you've done enough studying, you should come outside. Everyone's doing something today." Jack mentally sighed in relief. Good, so people WERE here today.

"I'll come out when I'm done. I guess…" Jenny giggled and nodded again.

"For what?" Jenny laughed.

"The Cave?" Jack asked, watching the forrest grow bigger with every step.

#my favorite version #ticcitober

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theboxghost · 6 years ago

Text

strap yourselves in bitches because this is one hella long post about Cowboy and how I have a type and that type is weird dudes who have girlfriends. How is that possible? How is it so specific? but apparently it is. I dunno I should just stop looking at dudes altogether. now I AM AWARE that his face is in this and also his name is in the screenshots.. thats not the point. this is so obviously only about one person that it doesnt matter, it’s about the tag.

anyway. cowboy.

So here is a lovely photo of us on the way back through soi cowboy when I realised I wanted to do a lot of stuff to this guy

and I dont know what he was thinking, but looking back and seeing this message after we both got back to our respective rooms, I’m not sure his mind was totally innocent, although I may be just reading too much into this. What do you think? very tiny list of made up people who read my blog aka nobody I’m just venting. anyway

does that sound like a sexy thing to you? It didnt at the time but after my next few days of messages I have kind of changed my mind.

so of course I’m still trying not to follow him around like a puppy because I just want to hang out with him ALL THE DAMN TIME.. but that’s fine, I just die a little bit.

there is a pool hang out one night and the girls had like a high school discussion of their top three boys, and obvously I said cowboy, acai, and this other guy angus, but later, drunk me told a few of the girls that my top three is actually just cowboy 3 times because it’s true. the stuff I would do to that guyyyyyyyy

anyway it’s the same for a bit, until the wednesday night, We go back to maggie choos. we chat. my social ineptness can never tell flirting apart from conversation because im a piece of shit and assume everyone is flirting with me because I’m always flirting. but I was DEFINITELY flirting, and I felt like he was too. he grabbed my hand and we went to dance. dancing with him is really fun.

a few of us decide the night isnt over, and we take a tuk tuk back to the hotel and cant decide if we want to go watch the soccer or go find somewhere to dance. we all split up, but of course I go with cowboy to dance. It’s so much fun.

at some stage he asks me about my top 3 that we were talking about, which is interesting because I know for a fact chelsea already told him that he was in mine... he just wanted to hear it from me. So I tell him the original ones i said.

we are VERY drunk, and he is getting a bit handsy and I don’t stop him. it’s like the first real good feeling close dancing I ever had, except it was to shit bangers. Like... I’m salty about it. Anyway he grabs my hand and puts it around his waist, and his hands are on my back, and my face is like buried in his neck and I am dead. I am dying.. I am dead. So dead. I am loving life. Also I hate life why do I let myself get into situations like this?

so afterwards when we are on the way home we stop off at the soccer to see the others, but I am wayyy too drunk and he decides to take me home. In the elevator I tell him that i lied about my top three, and that my top three is just him three times. then I stopped listening.

he walks me to my door, and says I still owe him a kiss for getting me the snickers. I kiss him on the cheek and he says “that was very aggressive”. it was. Because I wanted to kiss him so bad but I couldnt.

I went back to my room and drunkenly messaged him something about taking it too far and it was dangerous for me because I’m super attracted to him.

I am totally on board??? what the fuck is that man? are you kidding me? this is not helping me in the situation of me wanted to fuck you A LOT.

thursday we don’t get up to much, just regular hangs. we don’t acknowledge the conversation

friday me and cowboy and another guy go to a pool bar for a while and get very drunk. this time it is definitely flirting. I’m toughing him a lot and he says something about me purposefully brushing up against him, which I am, and then says something about whether we should make a big mistake tonight or tomorrow night, and then says tomorrow is probably easier (because my room mate was leaving a day early). I’m like dude you shouldnt be planning that I feel bad, but not bad enough to stop doing exactly what I’m doing.

The other guy is really good about it, he is talking sense in to me and I appreciate him a lot. and we all go to bed to the pool and of course... chelsea is there who has been following brad like ever since i mentioned him in my top 3, but whatever. it’s not a competition because he isnt even single, but feel free to keep teling me all the reasons to think that there is an inappropriate thing happening with you two... but anyway. she is a whole different story...

so we all go to bed

then I have a bit of an afternoon hang out with cowboy at the aussie bar without mentioning anything about these conversations, and on the way up in the lift i get to my floor and he says “so do you still want to make one last bad decision?” I told him it was a bad idea even though I wanted to, and I left.

but fucking hell marlowe can’t help herself. So i messaged him some reasonings as to why and the conversation got down to this:

we chat a bit more about it. I’m trying to not tell him to come down stairs right now and fuck me because thats all I want SOOO bad... but I’m also talking to paul at the same time and he is doing a great job of supporting my will power.

well he says he has actually been thinking about it for way longer than that. Now I don’t know if that means me specifically, or just in general. but I am struggling with my willpower because I want this guy a lot.

eventually he decides to think about it... says he is wrestling with it and I say that if he hasnt made a decision he probably doesnt want to. He says: “I’ll regret it if I don’t”

well fuck man, you’re killing me here. but me, being a saint and actually wanting to be his friend after this (which I can’t be if he cheats on his gf with me... i dont want to be that guy), I tell him to come down here and we will watch a movie and I wont hit on him and he will see that friends is really good.

and we do just that. hang out.

after the movie we go get dinner and of course chelsea tags along, says she isnt even hungry but just wanted the walk, how convenient. ok no ranting about her and how she like to mention every 5 seconds that she ONLY wears lacy thongs all the time.. i digress.

on the way home cowboy says goodbye and im like no man you wake me up when you are leaving I dont care how early it is

he wakes me up in the morning at like 6, we say that we made an excellent decision, and I hug him and give him a nice kiss on the cheek. and I die inside a little haha

i walk around the shops for the day before my flight and I realise... I have not thought about end game for the entire week. this guy is so great that end game was gone for a week, he literally didnt even cross my mind. what the hell

i buy him one of the jesus pictures that we kept walking past... except jesus is on a boat wtf. I send him a message from the airport about being great friends and hanging out. and I tell him to hit me up if he is ever single.

although I dont want it to seem like I’m only hanging out with him waiting for sex... I legit enjoy his company so I’m happy to be his friend 100%, even if I never get to sleep with him. But damn those close quarters made my life hard.

and thats the end of that LOOOONG chapter

#text #journal #cowboy #end game

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