#watched this movie. sobbed until my eyes hurt. drew this

[marigoldcanary]

watched i saw the tv glow last night

[seaweed-brain2-0]

Not only is it Percy Jackson's birthday today, it is also Percabeth's (12th??) Anniversary, so here are some of the best Percabeth moments in PJO and PJO alone. [The light blue is just me being me]

“You drool when you sleep.” (obviously)

“Me, go with you on the… the ‘Thrill Ride of Love’? How embarrassing is that? What if someone saw me?” (It was at this scene when I knew, these two would be my comfort couple in the future)

“I don’t know what my mom will do, I just know I’ll fight next to you.” “Why?” “Because you’re my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?”

Annabeth’s shroud was so beautiful—gray silk with embroidered owls—I told her it seemed a shame not to bury her in it. She punched me and told me to shut up. (ah, young love)

PERCY CARRYING AROUND ANNABETHS PICTURE IN HIS NOTEBOOK TO REMIND HIMSELF THAT SHE WAS REAL no i’m not taking this one straight from the book, the paragraph is too long.

But whenever Annabeth talked about the time she spent with them, I kind of felt . . . I don’t know. Uncomfortable? No. That’s not the word. The word was jealous. (and it still took him four years to realize he was in love with her??)

She looked good. Really good. I probably would’ve been tongue-tied if I could’ve said anything except ‘reet, reet, reet’.

She tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. “I’m glad you’re not a guinea pig.” “Me, too.” I hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt. (nine year old me is SCREAMING)

“I’ll get us back to the ship,” I told her. “It’s okay. Just hang on.” Annabeth nodded to let me know she was better now, and then she murmured something I couldn’t hear because of the plugs in my ears. (THE INTIMACY)

The crowd cheered. Annabeth planted a kiss on my cheek. The roaring got a lot louder after that. (THEIR FIRST KISS DFGHJNBGVFDFGH why am I still fangirling over this, I've seen them kiss a billion times-)

“Um, who should I ask?” She punched me in the gut. “Me, Seaweed Brain.” “Oh. Oh, right.” (✨slow dance✨)

[Aphrodite] When she smiled at me, just for a moment she looked a little like Annabeth. (I repeat: AND IT STILL TOOK HIM FOUR YEARS TO REALIZE HE WAS IN LOVE WITH HER????)

“You didn’t believe I was dead?” “Never.” (I believe I was dead at this point)

“I, uh, was thinking we got interrupted at Westover Hall. And . . . I think I owe you a dance.” She smiled slowly. “All right, Seaweed Brain.” (✨slow dance✨ part two *more screaming*)

“Think positive. Tomorrow you’re off to camp! After orientation you’ve got your date—”

“It’s not a date!” I protested.”It’s just Annabeth, Mom. Jeez!”

“She’s coming all the way from camp to meet you.”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re going to the movies.”

“Yeah."

“Just the two of you.”

“Mom!”

She held up her hands in surrender, but I could tell she was trying hard not to smile. (this whole scene deserved to be in here and you know it)

“Hey, it’s . . . it’s okay.” I patted her on the back. I was aware of everything in the room . I felt like I could read the tiniest print on any book on the shelves. Annabeth’s hair smelled like lemon soap. Behind me, somebody cleared his throat. It was one of Annabeth’s half-brothers, Malcolm. His face was bright red. I stepped away from Annabeth “We were just looking at maps,” I said stupidly. (imagine falling madly in love with Annabeth Chase and not knowing it until she kisses you, couldn't be me 😐)

Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me. And then she did something that surprised me even more. She kissed me. (*screaming intensifies*)

Annabeth and I pretty much skirted around each other. I was glad to be with her, but it also kind of hurt, and it hurt when I wasn’t with her, too. (I've just given up on screaming at Percy for not realizing his feelings sooner 😐🔫)

Annabeth wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m glad you’re not dead, Seaweed Brain.” “Thanks,” I said. “Me too.” (you know what I'm not glad about? Beckendorf's death 😃👍🏽)

We locked eyes. I thought of a different time last summer, under Mount St. Helen's, when Annabeth thought I was going to die and she kissed me. She cleared her throat and looked away. “Prophecy.” “Right. Prophecy.” (ahaha pain)

Malcolm grinned at me. “We’ll wait outside while you finish inspection.” The Athena campers filed out the door while Annabeth cleaned up her bunk. I shuffled uneasily and pretended to go through some more reports. Technically, even on inspection, it was against camp rules for two campers to be . . . like, alone in a cabin. That rule had come up a lot when Silena and Beckendorf started dating. Anyway, for some strange reason I was thinking about this as I watched Annabeth straighten up. (fOr sOmE rEaSoN)

“Hold on, Seaweed Brain.” It was Annabeth’s voice, much clearer now. “You’re not getting away from me that easily.” (*sobs*)

“I’ll go with Percy,” Annabeth said. “Then we’ll join you, or we’ll go wherever we’re needed.” Somebody in the back of the group said, “No detours you two.” (stop saving the world and go make out 🙄)

Before I could lose my courage, I said, “Don’t I get a kiss for luck? It’s kind of a tradition, right?” I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching toward us. “Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we’ll see.” (AND COME BACK ALIVE, HE DID)

“You’re cute when you’re worried,” she muttered. “Your eyebrows get all scrunched together.”

“You are not going to die while I owe you a favor,” I said. “Why did you take that knife?”

“You would’ve done the same for me.” (HOLY F U C K)

I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. But this was Annabeth. If I couldn’t trust her, I couldn’t trust anyone. (goodnight.)

I glanced back. Annabeth was trying not to meet my eyes. Her face was pale. I flashed back to two years ago, when I’d thought she was going to take the pledge to Artemis and become a Hunter. I’d been on the edge of a panic attack, thinking that I’d lose her. Now, she looked pretty much the same way. I thought about the Three Fates, and the way I’d seen my life flash by. I could avoid all that. No aging, no death, no body in the grave. I could be a teenager forever, in top condition, powerful, and immortal, serving my father. I could have power and eternal life. Who could refuse that? Then I looked at Annabeth again. I thought about my friends from camp: Charles Beckendorf, Michael Yew, Silena Beauregard, so many other who were now dead. I thought about Ethan Nakamura and Luke. And I knew what I had to do. “No,” I said. “I’m honored and everything. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just . . . I’ve got a lot of life left to live. I’d hate to peak in my sophomore year.” The gods were glaring at me, but Annabeth had her hands over her mouth. Her eyes were shining. And that kind of made up for it. (THIS WHOLE SCENE RUINED MY PERCEPTION OF MEN. THEY ARE, IN FACT, NOT AS PERFECT AS PERCY)

“I am never, ever going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it.” When she kissed me, I had the feeling my brain was melting right through my body. (I'M MELTING)

We held hands right up to the moment they dumped us in the water. Afterward, I had the last laugh. I made an air bubble at the bottom of the lake. Our friends kept waiting for us to come up, but hey—when you’re the son of Poseidon, you don’t have to hurry. And it was pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time. (DFGHJHGFDFGHJNHGFDFGHJNBVCFGHJMNBVCFKIJUHYGT I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER RECOVER FROM THIS ITS TOO PERFECT GOODBYE FOREVER)

[simplee-dreaming]

The Runner (Part 2)

(Part 1 here)

A/N: THIS IS MY 50TH FIC WTF!! Ngl I'm not so confident about this one but that's just my anxiety being a demon. I hope you all like it.

Word count: 3823

Summary: With Darren being on the warpath, Chris takes great care of the reader...along with some friends.

-----------------------------------------

The next day you walked into work with a big smile on your face. Last night you shared food with Chris Evans, watched a film with Chris Evans, got into a tickle fight with Chris Evans and ended up being cuddled by Chris Evans. You were certainly on cloud nine right now.

“Black coffee for Mr Evans please! Black coffee!” a call came over the radio. You strode into the kitchen to make it but found another runner already on the case.

“Nevermind,” you thought to yourself. There’s no way you were gonna go the whole of today without seeing him anyway.

You turned on your heel to leave but walked straight into Darren.

“Oh, um, sorry, I-I didn’t see you there,” you stuttered.

“Watch where you’re going,” he said, sternly.

“Sorry,” you repeated.

“There’s a mess on the set, you need to clean it up before the next scene begins shooting,” he demanded. You looked at him.

“But, I’m not a cleaner?” You said, puzzled.

“You were perfectly happy to clean the set a few weeks back,” he said.

“Well yeah but-”

“No excuses, clean up that mess now,” he interrupted, marching out of the kitchen. You sighed but decided not to argue.

You went onto the set and helped the cleaners with the mess.

A few hours had passed and you were sitting on set filling out an accident form. Apparently, Sebastian Stan had slipped on set whilst filming and managed to cut his hand. Only a tiny cut, but any accident has to be filed. Unfortunately, you didn’t get to sit with Seb and fill it out but was given the details by his assistant, Jane.

You got up and walked into the set office, where all the paperwork was kept, and filed away the accident form. When you walked back onto the set, Darren was standing there staring at you. He lifted up his hand and ordered you to go over to him. You slowly walked over and stood in front of him.

“So what exactly did you do to clean the set earlier today?” He asked.

“I...I swept up the debris. I just cleared the mess,” you replied.

“You cleaned the floor, didn’t you?”

“I cleared it yeah but I-”

“You cleaned the floor and left it in a slippery state. No wonder Mr Stan slipped over,”

“No, but, I..I just cleared it! I never-”

“He could have broken a bone,”

“I didn’t clean it, I only swept!” You protested. Darren grunted at you and walked off, leaving you feeling deflated.

The rest of the day you were silent. You didn’t dare speak to anyone in case they thought the same as Darren. When your lunch break finally came around, you walked outside to the back of the studios and sat in a quiet corner where all you could hear was the wind sweeping through the trees and the birds singing. You finished your lunch in silence, a single tear escaping from your eye.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you all day!” said a familiar voice. You looked up to see Chris walking towards you. A smile involuntarily grew on your lips.

“Oh, hey!” You said, quickly wiping away the tear.

“What’s wrong? Have you been crying?” He asked, sitting on the bench next to you.

“No. No, I’m fine,” you replied.

“You have been crying. What’s the matter?”

“I’m fine,”

“No you’re not,”

“Yes I am, I promise. I’m fine,” you said, a little too quickly. Chris gently put his hand on top of yours.

“What’s happened?” He asked, softly. You looked at him, then looked down and burst into tears. He pulled you in for a tight cuddle.

“It’s all my fault,” you sobbed into his chest.

“What is?” he asked.

“Seb. I made Seb slip. He’s hurt because of me,” you cried.

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Chris asked, rubbing your arm.

“I cleaned the set earlier, I must’ve put something down because Seb slipped and cut himself and it’s my fault,”

“Seb didn’t slip?” Chris said, confused.

“What?”

“Seb didn’t slip, he tripped and fell over. That’s how he cut his hand, he grabbed onto a bit of the set for support and caught a sharp edge. He never slipped,” Chris said. You looked up at him.

“So...so it wasn’t me?” You asked.

“Of course not, he’s just a clumsy idiot. The floor wasn’t slippery at all. Plus, he’s fine. Just got a big boy plaster on,” he chuckled.

“But...but Darren said-”

“What did Darren say?” Chris asked, more seriously.

“Darren said Seb slipped. And that it was my fault because I cleaned the set earlier but I didn’t remember actually putting any product down to clean and I thought I only swept the set which it seems is all I did and-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, breathe. Darren told you this was your fault?” Chris asked. You nodded.

“Right, I’m going to talk to him,” Chris said, standing up.

“No no please, he already hates me. If you say something then he’ll know I told on him and he’ll be even worse,” you begged.

“Y/N, he cannot treat you like this,”

“It’s fine, I can handle it,” you lied.

“He made you cry, Y/N. That is not okay. I’m going to speak to him,” Chris said. He walked off and you ran after him. When you turned the corner, you both ran straight into Seb.

“Whoa Speedy Gonzales, slow down!” Seb said, catching you as you tripped over Chris’ foot.

“S-sorry,” you said. You looked up and suddenly registered who was in front of you.

“Oh god. Oh I’m so sorry, Mr Stan, I didn’t mean to-”

“Y/N, calm down, it’s okay,” Chris said, placing a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him and took a few deep breaths.

“Ohh so you’re Y/N. Chris has been telling me all about you, it’s nice to put a face to a name,” Seb said, smiling at you. You gave a shaky smile back. He looked at Chris.

“Where are you off to?”

“Going to see my assistant,” Chris said, sternly.

“Ah yes, ‘Divine Darren’,” Seb said, sarcastically. “More like Distasteful Darren.”

“Well, quite. He’s been so unpleasant to Y/N, so I’m going to talk to him,” Chris said, he sounded very angry.

“Chris please, it will only make things worse,” you begged. Seb looked at your worried face and looked back at Chris.

“I think she’s right, Chris. At least wait a little bit until you’re calmer. Then I’ll come and back you up,” Seb said. Chris let out a sigh then looked at you. His face softened.

“Okay. But he’s not going to get away with this,” Chris said. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good lad,” Seb said, patting Chris’ shoulder. He then turned to you.

“So, you’re the reason our Chris was so chirpy this morning, eh?” He said. You blushed.

“W-well...I...um…” you stammered. What had Chris told Seb?

“Seb…” Chris warned.

“What? I’ve gotta be polite to your new tickle attacker!” Seb said.

“SEB!” Chris cried.

“Chris told me you used his weakness against him last night. Nice to have you on board Y/N,” Seb winked at you. You let out a nervous giggle, praying that Chris didn’t tell Seb that you shared the same weakness.

“Although, it seems you may struggle more. We can’t have someone who is equally as ticklish on the front line until he’s not strong enough to retaliate,” Seb said. He winked at you again and smirked.

Fuck. He knew.

“Anyway, gotta get ready for my next scene. Catch you both later,” Seb waved goodbye and walked off.

You turned to Chris and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?!” He exclaimed.

“You told him?” You asked.

“Ohh...yeah...yeah I did,” he said, giggling. You punched him again.

“Ow! Okay, okay, I’m sorry! I just had a great night last night and couldn’t keep my mouth shut,” he said. You couldn’t help but smile.

“So did I,” you replied. He chuckled and pulled you in for a hug. You relaxed in his arms until he squeezed your side.

“Hey!” You yelped.

“That was for punching me,” he said.

You sighed and walked back into the studios with him, ready to get back to work.

The day finally came to a close. Scenes were wrapping up shooting and members of the crew were packing up to go home. You had purposefully been avoiding Darren all day, terrified of what he may try and do next.

Chris has invited you to his caravan again for another movie night, so you decided to quickly clean up the kitchen area before you clocked out. You took the half-filled jug of coffee out of its hold and turned to pour it down the sink. But, as you turned, someone knocked into the back of you and you dropped the jug which smashed all over the floor.

“What the hell are you playing at?!” Yelled Darren from behind you. You swiftly turned around.

No words came out of your mouth, just incoherent babbling.

“Look at what you’ve done! You’ve smashed the bloody jug you blundering idiot!” He yelled. You took a step backwards and slipped slightly on the spilt coffee, you held the kitchen side for support as tears leaked down your face.

“I-I didn’t mean….I never meant to...it was an accident!” You cried.

“You did that on purpose. You’ve been messing about ever since you started here. Have you any idea the damage you’ve caused?!”

You burst into tears, frightened of the man standing before you.

“Hey hey, back off!” A voice said behind Darren. He turned around slightly and there stood Scarlett and Lizzie, both with their arms folded.

“Did you see what she did? She broke the coffee jug!” Darren exclaimed, gesturing at you.

“Then buy another one,” Scarlett said, shrugging.

“Better yet, buy another one secretly and we won’t tell anyone that you purposely fell into her,” Lizzie said.

“What? I never fell into her! Stupid girl tripped over,” he said, a wobble in his voice. Both women titled their heads and raised their eyebrows at the same time.

“She dropped it all by herself! She’s caused nothing but havoc since she started,” he tried to explain but the girls were having none of it.

“Grrr. Out of my way,” Darren huffed. He pushed past Scarlett and Lizzie and marched off.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lizzie asked, approaching you. You shook your head and burst into tears. Lizzie drew you in for a hug.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Scarlett asked.

“Y/N,” you responded, quietly.

“Oh goodness, you’re Y/N! Chris has mentioned you a few times today. He’s waiting for you, we'll take you to him,” said Lizzie.

“B-but the mess…” you stammered.

“Leave it, we’ll clean it up,” Scarlett said.

She and Lizzie each put an arm around you and guided you away from the kitchen. Chris was standing at the back of the studios, near the caravan park. His posture straightened up when he saw you, but his face grew more concerned as you approached.

“Oh my god, are you okay Y/N? What happened?” He asked. Scarlett looked at him and raised one eyebrow.

“No. No no. This wasn’t Darren again was it?!” He said, his voice getting louder. “Where is he? I’ll kill him!”

“Chris, he’s probably gone home by now,” Lizzie said. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head.

“That little….he has no right treating you like his,” he said. You tilted your head down. He drew in a deep breath and took you from Scar and Lizzie, wrapping you in a hug.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now,” he said, stroking your hair. You cried into his shoulders and hugged him tightly.

“Tell you what, Seb’s using the green room to relax in for a bit this evening. Shall we go and join him?” He asked.

“Will he mind?” You replied, lifting your head slightly.

“Not at all! We could have a group film night if you’re both up for it too?” Chris asked. Scarlett and Lizzie nodded. Chris put his arm around you and all four of you walked to the green room.

“Knock knock,” said Chris, entering the room. Seb was sat on the sofa, scrolling through Netflix.

“Hey man, how’s it going?” Seb asked, turning to greet you all. “Ooh more guests, this is exciting. What’s the occasion?”

“Another incident happened. We thought we could join you and watch a movie together?” Chris said.

“Why of course! The more the merrier!” Seb said. He shuffled up a bit on the sofa and Chris placed you between himself and Seb.

“I’m gonna go grab some food. Do you two mind helping me?” Chris said, gesturing at Lizzie and Scarlett. They both followed him out and into the kitchen area. Coffee and bits of jug were still splattered on the floor so Lizzie bent down to start cleaning it up.

“What happened?” Chris asked.

“Y/N was cleaning this area. She went to wash out the coffee jug and Darren purposely bumped into her so she dropped the jug and he had a proper go at her. She was terrified,” Scar informed him. He hung his head.

“I can’t let him get away with treating her like that,” he responded.

“Well, what are you gonna do?” Lizzie asked, sweeping the floor.

“I don’t know yet. But he’s not getting away lightly,” Chris said. “Do you think she’s okay?”

“I don’t know. I think she’s just putting on a brave face,” Scarlett said.

Chris, Scarlett and Lizzie finished cleaning the kitchen and grabbed some bags of popcorn to take back to the room. When they returned, they found you leaning forwards with your head in your hands and Seb rubbing your back.

“What’s happened??” Chris asked. He put down the popcorn and sat next to you, putting his arm around you.

“She keeps saying everything that happened today is her fault. I’ve told her it isn’t but she’s pretty shook up,” Seb whispered softly.

“Oh Y/N. Nothing that has happened is your fault! We’ve been through this my lovely,” Chris said, gently.

“I shouldn’t be here,” you mumbled.

“What? Chris said.

“I shouldn’t be here,” you said, standing up from the sofa and heading for the door. Chris grabbed your arm.

“Whoa whoa whoa, steady on. Where are you going?”

“Darren was right. I have no right being here. I’m just a runner.”

Another tear fell down your face and Chris’ heart broke.

“Y/N, listen to me. Yes, you are a runner but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be here. Runners are an important asset to the studios, how else would I get my coffee?! Besides, you’re not just a runner. You’re incredible. You’re the first non-celebrity that hasn’t treated me like royalty and it’s a breath of fresh air,” Chris said. You looked up at him.

“Really?”

“Yes really! Don’t want you bowing down to kiss my feet, they’re not that great,” he said. You gave a shy giggle.

“Come here,” he said, pulling you in for a cuddle. You happily accepted and relaxed slightly in his arms.

“Now then you, we’re gonna have a great movie night, yes?” He asked, you nodded. “Good, but I want you to be happy before we start. Where’s that smile?”

He had a hint of playfulness in his voice. You knew what was coming but didn’t want to fight it, so you buried your head further into his chest.

“Come on...where is it?” He teased. He started poking up and down your sides and you squirmed.

You murmured a giggle into his chest as he continued to poke you.

“Where’s that smile?” He teased. You giggled louder as the pokes turned into squeezes.

“Chrihihihis!” You squealed, trying to twist out of his grip.

“Where are you going?” He asked, bending his head slightly to look at you. His hands squeezed your sides and tickled your ribs, making you squeal. You put your hands on Chris’ stomach to push him away but decided to tickle his tummy instead.

“Hehey!” He yelped, stepping backwards and releasing you from his grip. He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

“So that’s how you wanna play…” he said. The playful tone in his voice made you giggle but also kicked in the instinct to turn on your heel and run.

Bad move.

Chris lunged at you, as you turned, and picked you up - spinning you in the air before lying you flat on the sofa. You shrieked.

“No Chris!” You pleaded as he sat next to you, trapping you between him and the back of the sofa. He cackled evilly and started squeezing your sides again. You shrieked and kicked your legs out.

Seb, Lizzie and Scar all shared a smile as they watched Chris tease you.

“Show me that smile,” he teased once more. You were going bright red in the face and tried to bat his hands away, but you couldn’t stop giggling.

“Hey Chris, I think it may be in here,” Seb said. Before you realised what was about to happen, Seb had placed his fingers in the crook of your neck and started wiggling them.

“WAIHIHIHIT! You cried, not expecting Sebastian Stan to join in. You scrunched up your shoulders, trapping his hands in your neck, and shrieked.

“Wow, Chris, you’re right. She’s super ticklish!” He teased. Your face turned ruby red as you twisted and turned on the sofa.

“NOHO I’M NOHOHOT!” You cried.

“Oh yes you are,” Seb said. His hands trailed down to underneath you and started tickling your shoulder blades. The noise you made was different to any other you had ever made before.

“Whoa, I think you found a bad spot,” Chris laughed. He started squeezing and spider tickling your tummy and you let out a scream. You kicked your legs frantically as your arms waved around trying to stop the attacks.

“Girls, we need your help!” Seb said. Scarlett and Lizzie looked at each other and laughed. Scarlett got up and approached you.

She positioned herself next to Chris and gently fluttered her fingers over your kicking feet. No one had you pinned so you were free to twist and kick as much as you liked, but as soon as you twisted from one pair of hands you fell right into another.

“Does this tickle Y/N? Does it? Tickle tickle tickle!” Chris teased, now spider tickling your waistline.

“STOHOHOHP SAHAHAYING THAT!” You cried.

“Oh but you’re so fun to tease!” Chris said, laughing evilly.

Lizzie looked over at Chris and narrowed her eyes. Then, a thought hit her. She slowly crept up behind Chris before lunging at him, sitting on top of him so he was pinned to the floor. She wasted no time in shoving her hands under his armpits and wiggling her fingers.

“WHAHAHAT THE HEHEHELL?! AHAHAHAHA!” Chris yelled, taken aback by the sudden attack.

Seb and Scarlett instantly stopped tickling you so you could all watch the action unfold.

“Does this tickle Chris? Does it? Tickle tickle tickle!” She cooed, repeating his own teases. He thrashed below her and boomed out a laugh. You started giggling too.

“I’ve got him, Y/N. Come and get your own back,” she said, turning her head to wink at you. You jumped off the sofa and basically slid over to him.

“Do any of you know his worst spot?” You asked.

“His ears. Get the spot just behind the right one and flutter your fingers over the top of his left one and you’ll have him a babbling mess below you,” Seb said...a little too quickly.

You grinned at him. Lizzie stopped tickling but kept her hands positioned under his arms. You followed Seb’s instructions and, before you knew it, Chris was a babbling mess on the floor. A mix of squeals, giggles and high pitched laughs came out of him as he twisted his head from side to side. Every time he tried to lift his arms to stop you, Lizzie would tickle his armpits and he’d slam them back down again.

“Cootchie cootchie coo, Chris…” you teased. Your heart did somersaults at the sound of his precious laugh.

All of a sudden, Chris let out a booming laugh and jolted his body. You looked up and found Seb trapping one of Chris’ feet with one hand and using the other to scrape up and down his sole. Seb looked at you.

“His feet are his second worst,” he informed you.

You and Lizzie were too distracted by Seb tickling Chris’ foot that neither of you noticed him lifting up his arms. Because you were sitting right next to him, he managed to grab you and pull you over his torso. He held you close to him as his hand trailed up and down your back and sides. You shrieked loudly and bucked your body.

“CHRIHIHIHIS NOHOHOHO!” You cried.

Seb stopped tickling Chris and instead made a lunge for your foot, trapping it in the same way and raking his fingers up and down it. You burst into a loud laughter.

“Oh dear, we really are trapped now aren’t we?” Scarlett teased. She shoved her hands between you and Chris and started tickling both your tummies at the same time. You both shrieked loudly. Lizzie giggled and decided to join Chris in tickling your sides and back. Chris was giggling below you but you were screaming and shrieking before falling into a silent laughter. You hid your face in Chris’ torso and jolted your whole body. They all took this as the sign to stop.

You lay on top of Chris, getting your breath back. He was still giggling which made you giggle more.

“You okay?” He asked, now stroking your hair. You nodded and placed your head on his chest.

“You passed the initiation,” Seb said. You lifted your head and looked at him, brows furrowed.

“What?” You asked.

“You passed the initiation. You got through our torture without murdering us,” he laughed. You got off of Chris and sat on the floor, still giggling. Chris sat up too.

“You’re officially one of us now. That will never change,” he said, pulling you in for a cuddle. “And tomorrow, I promise, I will sort out this mess. Darren will never treat you so badly again, I promise.”

“Just don’t ever clean the set again,” Seb teased. You scoffed and playfully punched him, making him laugh.

Seb, Scarlett and Lizzie shuffled forward and all four cast members engulfed you in a massive hug. You felt so safe and secure, all of your worries left you for that evening.

Tomorrow is a new day.

[homoose]

Love Has a Learning Curve: Part VII (x reader)

Summary: Reader tries to make things right, with a little push from her mama.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: hurt/comfort

Warnings/Includes: none

a/n: I know, I know— please just let our babies be happy ♥️ and so it was. Also, big ups to my tumblr gf @idmakeitbehave​ for being my beta the past two chapters.

Series Masterlist

———

One week.

That’s how long it had been since their argument. Spencer had driven back to his apartment in silence, absolutely stunned by the way things had blown up.

They’d gotten back from the case in Utah on the fifth of January, and he’d driven straight to Y/N’s, ready to give her a belated New Year’s kiss. Immediately upon entering her apartment, he knew something was wrong. Her hug was stiff, her kiss brief, her eye contact minimal. He’d spent the night, but they barely touched, and she left early for work without waking him. He’d let himself out and texted her later in the day to invite her over for dinner.

Dinner hadn’t been any less awkward, and when he felt awkward, he knew it was bad. He finally couldn’t ignore it any longer, and he’d called it out. He had expected some resistance, but he hadn’t expected that. Y/N never spoke to him with any malice at all, even when he was actually doing something that irritated her. She was the queen of healthy communication. So for her to speak to him like that meant that the underlying issue was much, much worse than he’d originally thought.

He’d gone over their conversations a thousand times, looking desperately for the moment that it went wrong. After some deep consideration, he was certain that something had happened on New Year’s Eve. He just wasn’t sure what. Y/N was insistent that she wasn’t bothered by the declined call, but he still wished he could go back in time and answer it. He was pretty sure the seeds of their argument had sprouted in that moment, regardless of what she said.

Spencer knew she was a creature of habit, and that sometimes she needed space to process and experience her emotions. And if he was being honest, he needed some space after the argument, too. But usually she would have at least texted him by now.

He sighed and set down his newspaper, realizing he’d read the same page four times and hadn’t retained any of it. It was Friday, and he knew she was working. But still his fingers itched to dial her number. He picked up the phone, pressing a key to light up the screen yet again.

No new messages.

He dropped the phone back to the table with a little more force than was necessary. He decided he’d give her the rest of the weekend. If he didn’t hear from her by Sunday, he’d have to do something.

…

Y/N dropped her bag on the floor inside the door and turned to lock the deadbolt. She had managed to sneak out of the building without being stopped by Anita, and she thanked the universe for small miracles.

She didn’t want to have to explain herself. She didn’t want anyone to know what an absolute troll she’d been. Considering that Sam and Spencer had practically become attached at the hip since they’d started hanging out more, Anita was bound to ask about him.

She showered and ordered Thai food, snuggling down on the couch to watch a movie with Roald. She settled on Dumplin’— a favorite for the body positivity, the southern drawls, and the Dolly Parton drag.

And then she came to the argument outside of Harpy’s and lost what little emotional stability she had left.

“Never took you for the type that cares much what people think.”

“I can’t, Bo. And that might make me a coward, but—”

“It does. Willowdean Dixon, I think you’re beautiful. To hell with anyone who’s ever made you feel less than that.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until Roald meowed in distress. She choked out a sob and stroked over his ears, closing her eyes in defeat. “I really fucked this up, huh?”

It had only been one week, but it felt like years since Spencer walked out of her apartment. She’d stayed in bed for the entire weekend, crying on and off. She knew she had no one to blame but herself. Owen had knocked over the first domino, but she’d done nothing to stop the rest from falling.

Spencer had done everything right. He’d done everything she asked, and she’d thrown it all back in his face. He had made the comparison to Mitchell Park, and he was absolutely right. She’d done the exact same thing, only she had almost a year’s worth of ammunition, and she cut a hell of a lot deeper.

Roald nuzzled against her, but she nudged him away— she didn’t even deserve the comfort. Instead, she fumbled in the couch cushions for her phone, swiping open the screen and tapping her favorites list, thumb hovering over Spencer’s name. Then she tapped on the name right above it and blew out a breath.

The line connected and rang three times before she picked up. “Hey, sugar! Your ears must be ringin’, ‘cause I was just thinkin’ about callin’ you.”

“Hey, mama,” Y/N breathed.

Her mother’s tone changed from chipper to concerned in an instant. “What’s wrong, baby?”

She leaned forward to the coffee table to grab Spencer’s scarf— somehow left behind in her apartment— rubbing it between her fingers. “I— I really messed up.”

“Oh, Lord. You need bail money?”

Despite herself, Y/N laughed wetly. “Oh my god , mama. No, I don’t need bail money.”

“Well, if you made bail it can’t be that bad,” Rose insisted.

“I didn’t— I’m not in jail, for Christ’s sake.” Y/N ran a hand over her face. “I messed things up with Spencer.”

“Well, we can fix that,” Rose responded matter of factly. “What happened?”

“We were fighting, and I said some really, really awful things,” Y/N admitted, tears spilling over her lash line.

Rose scoffed. “Honey, I say awful things to your father all the time, and we’ve been married almost 40 years.”

Y/N heaved a long sigh. “Not like this, mama.”

Her mother hummed in consideration. “Well, what were y’all fightin’ about?”

“It’s complicated,” Y/N hedged, toying with the fringe of the scarf.

Rose clicked her tongue. “Do ya want my help or not?”

Y/N dropped her head back against the couch. “I ran into Owen on New Year’s Eve—”

“Well, I hope you told him to stick it where the sun don’t shine,” Rose practically growled.

Y/N closed her eyes as the tears tracked hot down her cheeks. “I didn’t. I— I let him get under my skin, and then I didn’t want to tell Spencer about it because it’s embarrassing, but he knew something was wrong, and he wouldn’t stop asking about it.” She had to pause and suck in a hiccuping breath, releasing it on a sob. “So I yelled at him and said all kinds of terrible things, and then he left, and now I think maybe we broke up, and I’ve literally never been so sad in my whole life.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, and then she heard Rose sniffling. “Really shoulda had your brothers knock the mess out of that son of bitch when we had the chance. He's been gone five years, and he’s still hurtin’ you every chance he gets.”

Y/N swiped uselessly at the tear tracks on her cheeks, sniffling pathetically. “And now I hurt the person who’s spent the last year singlehandedly undoing all of his awful handiwork.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Rose cooed. Y/N could hear the creak of the floorboards as her mother walked through her childhood home. “You said he knew somethin’ was wrong, right? I can almost guarantee that he’s still just wonderin’ what’s goin’ on. I know he’s supposed to be a genius, but he’s still a man. And men are dumb, sugar. You gotta spell it out for ‘em. Have you talked to him since?”

“No.” Fresh tears spilled over Y/N’s lashes as the thoughts that had kept her from calling him spilled out of her mouth. “What if it was too far? What if I ruined everything? What if he never wants to speak to me again?”

Ross heaved out a long breath. “That’s a lot of what ifs, Y/N.”

“What if I’m right?” she whispered.

“And what if you’re not?” Rose countered. “That boy loves you. Anyone could see that, clear as day. He’d do just about anything for you.” Rose paused, and Y/N heard the springs of the bed squeak as she sat. “But you gotta let him, sweetheart. Right now you’re takin’ away his chance to do that. You’re makin’ the decision for him.”

Y/N listened as her mother’s advice crackled over the line, and for the first time in a week, she felt a tiny sliver of hope.

“If he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you need to let him tell you that. Don’t settle for a what if. Find out for sure, or you're gonna spend the rest of your life worryin’ and wonderin’, sugar.”

…

That evening found Spencer in his usual spot on the couch, reclined against the arm with a book in hand. He’d promised himself he’d give Y/N the weekend to herself— that he’d let her come to him. That didn’t stop him from checking his phone obsessively; it never buzzed with any new calls or messages, but he still looked every seven minutes.

The sound of the buzzer jolted his body to attention. He checked his watch and drew his brows together before closing his book and scrambling to cross to the intercom, a tiny seed of hope beginning to germinate. He pressed the button to talk, calling, “Yes?” into the speaker box and then listening for the response.

“Hi.”

Her voice was so quiet that he could barely hear it over the crackle of the speaker. He buzzed her in without hesitation, crossing to the door and opening it immediately. She made her way slowly up the stairs, turning at the top of the landing and pausing.

His heart broke at the sight of her. She looked utterly exhausted, dressed in black sweatpants and a soft purple sweater, a black puffer jacket over top. She was holding his scarf, wringing it in between her hands. Her eyes were ringed red, and the bags under them were worse than his.

He watched as she crossed the landing, coming to stand quietly in front of him. He’d known something was wrong, but the way she looked now made him wonder just how long she’d been battling whatever private demons she wouldn’t let him in on.

“I, um.” She cleared her throat, and it was clear she’d been crying from the thickness of her voice. “I have a lot to say— again. But since I was such an asshole, I wanted to give you the opportunity to say anything you need to say first.”

He’d imagined this conversation countless times over the last week, and never once had he thought it would start like this. “Um. Well. You— you really hurt me.”

She could barely look at him. “I know.”

He swallowed. “Please don’t do that again.”

She shook her head, finally meeting his eyes. “I won’t. I won’t ever again.”

Spencer tucked his hands into the pockets of his lounge pants. “I know I may not be the best at social cues, but I’m a pretty good profiler. And I can tell when something’s wrong.” He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t have to tell me everything. I’m just asking you to tell me when I do something that makes you upset.”

“You— you didn’t do anything wrong. I—” He watched her squeeze her eyes shut. “God, I’m so sorry, Spencer. I’m just— I’m sorry for so many things. For lying about being fine, for being up on my high horse about communicating and then not actually doing it, for being an absolute bitch.”

He wanted to argue— she wasn’t a bitch— but he could tell she was far from done.

“I— I thought therapy was supposed to teach me how to talk about things, but this still feels… impossible to say out loud,” she admitted, fingers fumbling with the fabric of the scarf. “It’s embarrassing and ridiculous. But I— I have deep-seated insecurities. That I’m not really that smart or interesting or particularly special.”

He thought back to that night in Mitchell Park and felt the guilt all over again. He’d practically said those exact words to her— it was no wonder she was feeling this way.

“And every person that I’ve ever been with has— really reinforced those ideas, so for a long time they were just… a set part of my self-image,” she explained, dragging a hand over her messy hair. “I thought— I thought that I was over it, but I— I don’t know. Maybe you never really are.”

His brain sorted through every moment of their year together, pinging off the countless examples of her self-doubt and insecurity. She was easily the most wonderful person he knew, but he could clearly see the cracks in the facade if he looked close enough. How had he missed it for so long?

“And then I met you, and you…” Y/N let out a wry laugh. “You’re easily the most interesting person I’ve ever met, but you made me feel like… I don’t know, like I’m interesting, too. Like I’m worthy of being with you, like I’m— like I’m good enough.”

He felt his heart splintering into a thousand tiny shards— good enough?

“But I can’t— I still have a hard time believing it sometimes. And I— I’ve been letting myself keep you at arms length. Letting you see parts of me, but… never giving you everything,” she admitted.

He watched her struggle to get the words out, her voice thick with the act of holding back sobs. He hadn’t realized she was carrying all of this. She was so good at supporting him and loving him through all of his trauma and issues, he hadn’t stopped to consider just how much she needed him, too.

She continued, “It’s why I took so long to say I love you… why I couldn’t talk to you last week. Because I just—” She shrugged as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to realize that I’m really nothing special. That you’re getting bored, or there’s someone who’s a better fit for you, or one million other things. That I’m needy, and annoying, and too much work.”

A fresh tear tracked down her cheek, and he felt his own eyes filling. She never failed to put a stop to his own insecurities— reminding him that she liked his rambling, that he wasn’t irritating, that he was just the right amount. In his eyes, she was perfect. He would have never guessed she felt this way about herself.

She continued, “That’s what happened before, and none of those guys were even half as wonderful as you are.” She swiped a hand haphazardly over her cheeks, looking at him sheepishly. “And then I was hurtful and awful, and I realized that I was just creating a self fulfilling prophecy and I don’t— I don’t want to do that.”

Her hand shook a little as she brought it back down to twist in his scarf. “Because it’s never— I’ve never felt like this. I've never been this happy with anyone else, and I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to give you up. Even if sometimes I feel like I’ll never be enough.”

Her voice cracked on a stifled cry, and his chest physically ached. “And if you never want to see me again, I completely understand, and I’ll leave you alone, but I— I’m just so sorry. And I love you so much, and I’m trying so hard to be better.” She sucked in a ragged breath and let it out on an exhausted sigh. “And that’s, um— that’s it. If you want me to go, I—”

“I don’t want you to go,” he interrupted.

Her eyes went wide. “You don’t?”

“Of course not.” Spencer stepped forward and reached for her. “Of course not. C’mere.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, she was tumbling into his arms with a choked off sob. He pulled her inside and closed the door behind them, walking her to the couch and sitting them both down. She clung to him like she was afraid he’d disappear into thin air.

“Y/N, I’m right here,” he assured her. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But if you n-need space, I understand,” she sobbed.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need space. I think a week was long enough, don’t you?” he asked, pressing a kiss into her hair.

She pulled back out of the hug, head down. “But I really hurt you.”

He held her hand. “Yeah. And I really hurt you, too.”

She huffed out a breath. “That’s not how this works. I don’t get to hurt you just because you hurt me.”

“I know that.” He almost laughed at how indignant she sounded. “I’m not saying that we should hurt each other. I’m saying that sometimes it happens. And when it does, we apologize, and we forgive, and we move forward. And it’s okay if you need space. But I don’t.”

“What if you change your mind?” she whispered.

“Then I promise I’ll tell you.” Spencer tilted her chin up so he could meet her eyes. “I promise I’ll tell you what I need, as long as you tell me, too. We’ve gotta use all those communication skills we learn in therapy.”

Y/N nodded, and he pulled her into another hug. He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. “If I hadn’t heard from you by Sunday, I was planning to bother you until you talked to me.”

He could feel the beginning of a smile turning up the corner of her mouth where it was pressed to his shoulder. “You never bother me,” she mumbled. She held him for a moment longer and then released him from the hug and sat back, fidgeting with her hands and letting out a breath.

“Sometimes I need to be told that my worst fears about myself aren’t true,” she admitted. “I know that’s so annoying, but—”

“It’s not annoying,” he interrupted, putting an immediate stop to that line of thought. “Telling you how amazing you are isn’t the chore that you think it is. I’m sorry that anyone ever convinced you that it was.”

He covered her hands with his own, rubbing his thumbs softly along her skin. He couldn’t stop thinking about her dealing with all of this by herself. He hated that she’d ever felt anything less than adored. More than anything, he hated that he hadn’t been able to help her through it. And he wanted to make sure that he never made that mistake again.

“A wise man told me once... that love is helping someone navigate their storms,” he murmured, squeezing her hand. She looked at him then, and he continued, “You’ve been my lighthouse for a long time, Y/N. And I— I’m trying desperately to be yours… But you have to let me.”

Her eyes filled with fresh tears, but she nodded. He let out a long breath and pulled her hands into his lap. “I understand that sometimes you need space, and that’s fine. I’m happy to give you whatever you need.”

He shook his head. “Just— please don’t try to weather the storm by yourself. You can’t do it all alone; no one can.” He smiled ruefully. “I can tell you from experience that’s pretty much a guaranteed way to capsize your boat.”

His voice cracked a little at the end, and he felt a tear slip over his lash line. “I’ll help you repair your boat, or build a new one, or you can just float on mine for a while. It’s not perfect but it’s pretty sturdy, I think.”

She brought her fingers up to brush at his damp cheeks, and he met her eyes. “What I’m not going to do is let you float out on the ocean by yourself. I love you too much.”

She was quiet for a long moment, sniffling a little and just watching him— almost like she couldn’t believe he was there. She brought her hand back to his and laced their fingers together, rubbing her thumb along his skin. “I love you the most.”

“Agree to disagree.” He gave her a small smile and leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead. “Want some tea?”

She was frowning when he pulled back, her brows drawn together. “I need to tell you about Owen.”

The conversation he’d had with Anita was suddenly on replay in Spencer’s head.

… a real piece of shit… telling her lies about herself… isolating her… destroying her from the inside out...

He squeezed her hand. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. You don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to.”

She shook her head. “Talking about him takes away his power. I have to stop letting him have so much sway over my emotions.” She looked at him then. “I do things I regret and hurt people I love.”

He brought their joined hands up his lips. “Well, I’m here either way. And I’m still going to make you some tea.”

He stood and pulled her up with him, bringing her into the kitchen and refusing to let go of her hand. He filled the kettle and turned it on, found a bag of her favorite tea and ripped it open with his teeth. He dropped the bag into her favorite mug, and then made a mug up for himself.

“You know, it’d be a lot easier if you’d let go,” she said, the hint of a smile in her voice.

“Mhm,” he agreed, but he made no move to release her hand. In fact, once he’d fumbled a spoonful of honey into each of the cups, he dropped the spoon into her mug and turned to pull her into another hug. He hooked his chin over her shoulder and closed his eyes as she brought her arms around his waist. “I missed you,” he whispered.

She squeezed him tight. “I missed you, too. I’m so sorry.”

She buried her face in his neck, and he felt her breathe him in. He pressed a kiss into her shoulder and then settled his chin again. “Apology accepted, in case it wasn’t clear.”

They stood like that until the kettle began to whistle, and then Spencer kept her tucked underneath his arm as he turned to shut it off and pour the water into the mugs. They each grabbed a mug, making their way back to the couch and setting them on the coffee table to steep. Spencer kept their fingers intertwined and stayed quiet, letting her set the pace of the conversation.

Y/N took a deep breath and let it out on a long sigh. “I guess I should start at the beginning. I, um— I had my first boyfriend in high-school: Cal Cunningham. He was older and cooler, and so I felt— I don’t know… special when he picked me.” She rolled her eyes. “In reality, he was rude, and arrogant, and kind of a misogynist. We didn’t date for very long, but it kind of… set me up on this path of dating guys who weren’t very nice.”

Spencer ran his thumb soothingly along hers, waiting for her to continue. “When I started college, I dated this guy Adam for a few months. He was nice enough but really self-centered and a little immature. When we broke up I just wanted to be on my own for a while.”

“I was single for two years after that, just kind of… finding myself and whatever.” Her eyes tracked the path his thumb traced along her skin. “So when I started dating Owen at the end of junior year, it felt like my first real relationship. Like— we were both adults, and he dressed up for our dates, and he paid for things and bought me flowers and fit all the cliches.”

“And it was great at first,” she admitted. “We had a lot of the same friends, so we’d been hanging out for a while before we got together. He was a perfect gentleman— and smart, accomplished, and ambitious. I fell fast, and I fell hard, and we were sort of— it feels so stupid to say this, but it felt like we were an it couple.”

“A few of us made plans to move to DC after graduation— my friend Jess and her boyfriend Chris, Sam and Anita,” she explained. “And Owen and I, obviously. We moved in together in an apartment downtown. And that’s when everything changed.”

She drew her brows together. “It was little things at first. Like he’d jokingly call me stupid for forgetting something, or he’d complain about one of my friends being annoying. But it snowballed pretty quickly. He’d tell me I was stupid, and he wasn’t joking. All of my friends irritated him to the point where we couldn’t hang out anymore— even our former mutual friends. He thought that teaching kindergarten was a mindless, pointless job.”

Spencer tried to keep his heart rate steady, his facial expressions neutral, but his blood pressure was on the rise. No one deserved to be spoken to like that, least of all Y/N.

She continued, “We spent the holidays at my parents’ the second year we were dating, and he spent the entire car ride home explaining, in detail, how ridiculous and low-class he thought everything was.”

She shook her head and rubbed her free hand over her face. “I know it’s insane that I stayed with him for five years, but I— he did a really good job of convincing me that I was... that I was nothing. That he was doing me a favor by loving me. That he could have anyone, but he chose me. No one else was going to, so I should be grateful.”

He balled his free hand into a fist to avoid squeezing her to death. When Anita had said Owen was a piece of shit… he hadn’t realized just how deeply she meant it.

She picked at the fabric of her sweatpants, staring intently at the tiny pills. “When someone says all of that to you on a daily basis, and you’re not hearing otherwise from anyone else— because no one knew what was going on— when someone tells you you’re nothing… you start to believe it.”

Spencer relaxed his fist to bring his fingers up to her face, gently cupping her cheek. She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes for a long moment. He didn’t know what to say. Instead, he pressed his lips to her forehead in a voiceless assurance that she was, in fact, everything. He felt her relax under the warm pressure of his lips, and he hoped that was enough for now.

He sat back to let her continue. “We were together for five years, and we only broke up because he cheated on me. It was a long term affair; they were sleeping together for almost a year before I found out. And… a lot of people knew. Almost all of his friends knew. But I didn’t. I was still being this ridiculous, desperate little Suzy Homemaker trying to make him happy, even though he was still treating me like shit.”

She laughed, but there wasn’t an ounce of humor in it. “When I found out, I wasn’t even hurt. I was… embarrassed, I guess. But I was so relieved. I was so fucking relieved that I had a way out.”

He watched as her shoulders settled, almost like an actual weight had been lifted off of them. “I got a therapist and dropped all of the friends that were still hanging around with him. I moved to a new neighborhood, started hanging out with Anita and Sam, and just— started fresh. And I was doing really well. I’ve had my moments of insecurity here and there, but for the most part, I’ve been able to recognize the moments when I’m falling back into old thought patterns.”

She looked at him then, and her eyes were so soft and lovely that his heart ached. “You’re a big reason for that. You’re so open with how you feel about me, and… it makes things a lot easier.” She dropped her gaze with a sigh. “But I— he was at the party on New Year's. And I didn’t know he was going to be there until I was already there , and then it felt stupid to leave. I thought I could handle it—”

“And then I didn’t answer your call.”

“No, no .” She shook her head and reached her free hand out to grasp his arm. “That’s— Spencer, none of this is your fault.” She furrowed her brow, and the crease between them was practically an abyss. “He sort of— cornered me on the patio. I hadn’t seen him in like, four years? And he was complimenting me, and asking about you, and then he tried to— well, he did kiss me actually. I shoved him off, and he didn’t like that, and he did his whole Owen thing. Told me that he’d cheated because I was uninteresting and worthless. That eventually you’d get bored of me, too. Just, um— generally awful shit.”

She took a deep breath, and the rest steamrolled off her tongue and over his heart. “And then he just— left . And he’d absolutely demolished my self-image in less than ten minutes, and I was embarrassed and angry at myself, and then you didn’t answer, but I was kind of glad you didn’t because I didn’t actually want to talk about it. And I thought I could just move on, but then I was being weird, and you knew something was wrong. And I just wanted to pretend like it never happened, but then you kept pressing me on it, and I just— I didn’t want to have to explain it all to you because I was afraid that— that maybe he was right.”

Y/N dissolved back into the couch, an unwelcome indication of the emotional exhaustion that came with reliving trauma. Spencer moved closer and mirrored the position of her body against the cushions, bringing his face close enough to bump their noses together. They breathed the same air for one noiseless minute before she finally met his eyes.

“I need you to understand that not one single thing he said to you— on New Year’s or ever— was right, in either sense of the word. None of it was factual, and none of it was acceptable.”

She gave him a weary nod, and he continued, “You are the single best person that I know. You’re kind, brilliant, and driven. You’re interesting, and wonderful, and lovely. You’re my absolute favorite person on the planet, and I will never get bored of you.”

He let his eyes trace over all the angles and curves of her face, and then raised his eyebrows. “He’s lucky that I respect you enough not to go over your head, because what I’d like to do is run a full background check and find any and every possible transgression that could be legally investigated and then use that information to ruin his life.” He tilted his head in thought. “That or— get really jacked and then beat the shit out of him.”

“God, please don’t. As much as I’d love to watch that unfold,” she cupped his face in her hand, “you’re better than that. And he’s not worth either of our energies… I already wasted enough time dwelling on it and hurt you in the process.” She dropped her hand back to her lap with a sigh. “I spent so much time in that relationship that my brain didn’t know what to do with this good, healthy one.”

He took both of her hands in his, squeezing them tight and then pressing a kiss to the back of each. He wouldn’t commit assault, since she’d asked him not to. But he wasn’t going to let Owen taint any part of his life with her.

“I’m so sorry that someone you loved made you think it was hard to love you. Because loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” He pressed his lips together and mused, “But I think maybe love has a learning curve. Especially when you’re used to being hurt. You have to unlearn all the bullshit. People will have you thinking that you have to water yourself down, or change who you are, or make yourself more palatable. I thought that, too.”

He brushed her hair back away from her face and waited for her to meet his eyes. “And then I met you. And you love all of it— all of me. All the rambling, all the quirks, and— even the dark parts, too.”

She sniffled a little, but really smiled for the first time that night. “What’s not to love about you?”

He smiled back. “I’m not sure if you realize that I fully reciprocate that feeling. What’s not to love about you? I have a hard time thinking of even one thing about you that I don’t absolutely adore.”

“Even when I act like a horrid bitch?” she mumbled, only half joking.

He leaned his head against the couch cushion. “A year ago, you stood on my doorstep and gave me forgiveness— after I’d been a complete asshole to you... I told you then that I wanted to learn how to love with you. I still do. In all the wonderful, and the weird, and the terrible. Even when we get it wrong.”

He shrugged, and then ran a soft fingertip down the bridge of her nose. “There is no one else I’d rather get it wrong with. Because when we get it right… it’s the closest I’ve ever felt to magic.”

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and she brought both hands up to his face, holding him with an adoration that made his own eyes burn. “You can believe that you love me the most,” she whispered, “but just know that you’re wrong.”

He leaned forward to close the distance between them, pressing a kiss to her lips with a reverence that felt technicolor and devout and more magical than any trick he’d ever mastered.

“Agree to disagree.”

———

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[fleurlia]

here is part two of this.

[7:13 pm] for all the phases you have been through in the past few months, all of them were disastrous. a couple of months after jeno has told you about his proposal karina and he appears with new rings, explaining to everyone how both just choose to make things more swiftly and not wait until graduation.

you already knew it but that didn't stop you from spending at least twenty minutes crying pathetically in the ladies' room.

certainly when you thought things couldn't get any worse, believe me, they did. you were convinced for the moment karina asked you to help her choose the dress. again, you couldn't blame anyone against yourself.

renjun and donghyuck stood next to you, holding their laughs as she was asking for help in the most loving way. just for when she was gone the duo were shouting loud and attempting to comfort your poor heart. following that, you saw yourself sat there watching karina trying on more than a thousand wedding dresses, for getting married to the love of your life.

it would be easier to hate her if she was a bitch and 20% less attractive. you thought.

and talking about him, you couldn't even hold his gaze without looking weepy and bitter. your friendship existed only by devices, which you believed would be turned off the moment he said yes to her.

after a year of planning and torture, the big day has arrived and even though you have created every possible excuse, none seemed good enough to not going to your best friend's wedding. including a sweet smile, your mom comforted you as you got ready for the wedding, holding up tears and making yourself at least looking attractive on the worst day of your life. you asked more than once for your mother to be merciful and to fake an accident but she keeps telling you how could you get over it if you didn't see "the dead body".

instructed to stay at least a few minutes late, you made everything possible to be delayed. not wanting to arrive and have to deal with the reception and face the bride and groom. not craving to deal with the fact that if you held more than five seconds alone with jeno, you would presumably tell him the truth that was stuck in your throat. then when you arrive everyone was already at the ceremony, your entry causing a small noise that drew attention. jeno's eyes catching yours immediately.

the couple looking supremely beautiful, like always. the dress that karina and you have picked just not fits her but makes everyone around her look poorly ugly. oh my god, i hate myself so much. that was the only thing going through your mind.

sitting down next to renjun, he sends you a glance. "it's almost ended, i thought you were not coming."

"as if i were that lucky"

he chuckles but gently takes your hands. even though you said more than a thousand times that you didn't want anyone feeling sorry for you, he tried his best to make things a little better.

while the minutes started to grow, your mind stopped a few more every time that ceremony got close for the "yes". holding up every tear you possess in your body, you almost failed as the old lady next to you smile in your direction and whispered;

"what are you from the groom??"

"i... i am his best friend, since freshman year at college."

"oh, that's why he is looking right here all the time."

quietly you agreed with her, not even daring yourself to look up and catch all of his stares. the moments pass with you staring to anywhere, you couldn't even look at them without feeling your chest squeeze in sharp pain.

"so lee jeno, do you take this woman as your wife to lover her, respect her, and looking for her?"

wishing to not stand there or even existed, you were close to starting to crying but renjun squeezed your hands and all that people heard at next was; "yes, i do."

lee jeno, the love of your life just got married... but it's was not whit you.

later on, — this including the time you spent crying and sobbing in the car — you were supposed to go to the celebration and that's is what you did as a supportive friend.

the first hour was going like a blink, you have to pretend so much happiness that the idea of the newlyweds just got blanked out of your mind. it was the last straw when jeno's sister approached you with a gentle smile, you could feel her pity just by the look on her face and you felt even more miserable when she said it in a low tone: ''i always thought that on a day like today, you would be my new sister.''

that hurt so much.

the rest of the night passed like a blur, a slow and painful blur. you had taken so many pictures and you were sure that you looked ridiculous in the picture with the bride and groom, donghyuck and renjun were there to support you but your false happiness was quickly destroyed by jeno's stares.

almost at the end of the celebration, everyone full of the food and tired from the dancing, people decided it was time for the speeches and in the crowd of invited people you hid behind your friends. if by any chance the universe hated you that much you would be chosen to give some words and you were ready to make a whole speech based on rose's in "love, rosie". it would be tragic.

karina's mother said beautiful words to the couple and praised jeno so much that you at that moment felt happy for him. many relatives passed by, all of them talking about how perfect they were for each other and at end wishing them happiness. you felt like a jealousy bitch at every second.

almost at the end of all your torture, you already agreed that renjun or one of his friends would take you home because you didn't even want to talk, it was the newlyweds' turn to speak. karina sounded so perfectly in love with every word she spoke out. you were thankful to be far away from the couple because your stomach flipped as you watched jeno stand up, straightening his suit and black hair.

you were about to get up and walk away, not wanting to hear about how much he loved her and was grateful to be married to her but after a second thought, you knew you would draw pitying and pitiful glances in your direction.

"i can give you more than a thousand and one reasons about how i ended up here, married to karina." his soft voice echoing throughout the room. "one of them is because sometimes... we don't notice that what we need is right under our noses. sometimes we even notice... but only a few people dare themselves to confess their love to that person.'' at that point nobody else understood where he was getting at with that speech. just like all evening, you didn't attempt to look at him and be unlucky enough to find him also watching you.

''one more reason why we are here, on this particular night, is that maybe i took too long to realize, waited for too long. i wish i could confess this earlier because... deep down i always knew it was you. the love of my life and my best friend.''

something inside of you clicked. back when you started to date, jeno looked you up one day and you fought, he was just being jealous that your then-boyfriend also claimed to be your best friend and you didn't say anything, the point is that he would never call karina his best friend. on that day, both promise never forgets about their besties and never, never calling anyone ''best friend''.

nobody knew about that.

"if... if i could only go back in time... maybe i would tell myself how i should confess to you.'' you looked up, getting his gaze. you stood surprised when you noticed that his eyes were tearing up. ''if only i had known that we would be here today. i never would have let your lips leave mine years ago, on new years'. i never should have walked away. i never should have panicked. i never should have lost all those years without you... because i've realized that no matter where you are or what you're doing, or who you're with, i will always honestly, truly, completely love you.''

you couldn't believe in your damn bad luck.

you couldn't discover what was more pathetically tragic. the fact that karina would watch the video of her wedding in the future and see her husband confessing his love to someone who wasn't her. or the fact that jeno had chosen his wedding day to acknowledge that he loved you.

karina never kissed him on new year's, their first one was in a cinema. only you did, once in your second year as friends. you two never spoke about it.

karina didn't like romantic comedies, she was a literature major and only liked movies that was focussed on classics. you did. you had made jeno watch "love, rosie" so many times that you both knew the script.

with tears rolling down their cheeks, the two of you stared at each other for what seemed like hours. he loved you too. you both now knew about the other's love. inaudibly while you wiped your tears you both agreed that; maybe in another time, another life, we were meant for a happy ending. but not here, not at this moment.

but it didn't matter, only you two knew how much you loved each other and always would.

ok guys, sorry for making this so long and for any mistakes. let me know if you wanted to me doing scenarios, reactions or timestamps or even let my asks open for requests.

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

The Little Girl

[Gif credit to @vinylackles]

Square: Never Been Kissed ( @supernatural-jackles tell me a story bingo)

Pairing: Jensen x adopted!child!reader

Summary: The Reader is adopted by Jensen and his family after a tragic event in her life. Soon after being adopted, she begins to learn what a family really does.

Warnings: Angsty-ish, child abuse/neglect (implied?), religion is mentioned in here (if you have your own belief, that’s fine we’re all different. It’d be boring if we’re the same.), there will be feels in this both fluffy and sad. You might have happy tears, who knows. Song inspired fic, song fic since the lyrics are in this.

Word Count: 1,840

Bingo Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

a/n: Inspired by the song The Little Girl by John Montgomery. I can’t italicize the lyrics; it’d look a bit weird and mess with the flow of your reading.

a/n2: probably not what one would expect for a “never been kissed” square. But I kept hitting a block with the typical, and this one came to me. Hope ya’ll enjoy nonetheless. :3

~

Her parents never took her to church. Never spoke of his name, never even told her of his word.

Her parent’s weren’t really believers. Her dad drank all day, her mom did drugs. Every night her dad would go out drinking. Her mom would be passed out in the chair as Y/N sat on the couch watching TV.

They never wanted to play. Or give kisses and hugs.

And the drinking and the fighting, just got worse every night.

Behind their couch, she’d be hiding. Praying for it all to stop.

And like it always does, the bad got worse. With every slap, and every curse.

Until her dad in a drunk rage one night, used a gun on her mom. And then took his life.

Some people from the city, took the girl far away. To a new mom and a new dad.

. . .

The caseworker drove young little Y/N up to her new home.

“This family is going to be good to you.”

“Not like my old family?”

“Nothing like them, they’re new parents to one of their own kids. And once they heard your story, they wanted you.”

She sat in the back seat, smiling, wondering how it was going to be like? Who her mom and dad were?

He pulled up to the house, parking it and turning off the car. He gets out to get her things from the trunk, and he stops by her door to help her out.

She picked up her backpack, and turned to see a fancy house.

Suddenly feeling nervous, she swallowed and mustered up whatever courage she had and followed her caseworker to the house.

The caseworker rang the doorbell.

She could faintly hear a women on the other side. “She’s here.”

She sounded excited.

The door opened, she found a man, a woman and small girl standing before her.

“Hi, Chris?” the man asked.

“Yes, you must be Jensen?”

“I am, this is my wife Danneel and my four year old daughter JJ.” Jensen says, introducing his family. “This must be Y/N?”

She nods, shying behind the caseworker.

“It’s okay sweetie, you’re safe here. This is your new home?” Jensen says, getting down to her level.

“How about we have a little tour, warm up to your new family?” Chris, her caseworker suggests.

The little girl nodded, following Chris inside the house as Jensen showed her around.

 That night, dinner went off without a hitch. Sure she was quiet, but she was still a bit shy. But now it was the time for her and her new little sister to go off to bed.

She gone off to her room, getting her night gown on. Heading to her bathroom that her and JJ shared. Danneel helping JJ make sure she was brushing her teeth alright, Y/N grabbed her toothbrush and began cleaning her teeth.

Danneel taking a hairbrush she brushed the girls’ hair.

She could see Y/N tense. She didn’t know what she was doing at first. Danneel continued to brush her hair, cautiously.

She could see her relax as she continued to brush.

“Your parents never did this, did they?” she asked kindly.

Y/N shaking her head as she brushed her teeth.

Danneel held back warm tears that threatened to surface.

What else have these parents not done for her? she wondered.

Once they’ve finished they went off to their respected rooms. Danneel walking JJ to her room, JJ wanting a story. Y/N headed to her room.

She was about to get herself settled when Jensen and Danneel entered.

“Busy day so far, huh?” Danneel asked.

She nods. “mm-hmm.” She hummed quietly.

“Tomorrow we can have a lazy day, all four of us, just relax and maybe even play outside a little bit. The weather’s supposed to be nice.” Jensen says.

“What do you play?” she asks innocently.

“We could do, tag, or hide and seek, or whatever JJ comes up with.” Jensen chuckles.

“Could you teach me?”

“You never played before?” Jensen asked.

She shook her head innocently.

Jensen’s jaw clenched as he fought back tears of his own.

“We’ll teach ya tomorrow. It’ll be fun.” He says with a smile.

Bending over he gives her a sweet kiss atop her head. Danneel following suit.

She laid there staring up at them with wide eyes.

“Get some sleep sweetheart, you had a busy day.” Jensen says, brushing her hair from her face.

Y/N nodded. Feeling herself grow sleepy, she let her eyes fall closed.

Jensen and Danneel smiled softly as they shut her light off, left her door open slightly letting the hall light in. And went back down to the living room.

 It was getting close to Jensen and Danneel to head to bed themselves.

Just as he shut the TV off they heard a sniffle from the dark hallway. Seeing their new daughter stand in the hall, holding her blanket as she rubbed the tears from her eyes.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Danneel asked.

“What’s got you crying?” Jensen follows up, as they both got up to go to her.

“Bad dream.” She cries.

“Everything’s okay sweetheart, you’re safe.” Jensen consoles, rubbing up and down her arm.

The little girl nods but couldn’t stop crying as a slight tremble shook through her. Jensen felt it.

Jensen without hesitation picked her up, holding her close. Walked back to the couch, sitting down with her in his lap.

“What are you doing?” the little girl asked?

“You never been cuddled before?”

She shook her head against Jensen’s chest.

He only held her tighter.

“Well I’m holding you, making you feel safe. It’s something parents should do to help their kids feel safe after a nightmare, being scared, or even if their kid is having a bad day.”

She nods against him.

Danneel sat beside Jensen, sandwiching the little girl between them.

“It wouldn’t hurt to stay up just a little bit longer.” She says.

Jensen nodding as he places a comforting kiss atop their daughter’s head.

 The little girl slowly adjusted to her new family. Getting kisses and hugs every night. Even getting one from her little sister.

Fourth of July with the family was a struggle for a moment. The loud noises sounding an awful lot like gun fire.

She ran inside, crying.

JJ the only one noticing. She followed her big sister into the house. Finding her behind a couch in the family room, crying.

“Sissy what’s wrong?” JJ asked.

“It’s like the night my mom and dad died. It sounds like the gun he used.”

“Your daddy used a gun?”

Y/N nodded tearfully.

“Well our daddy is not like that. Come on sissy, come back outside.” JJ tells her. encouraging her to come with her. Only to get a fearful shake of her sister’s head. And more tears.

She let out a fearful sob.

JJ took it upon herself to comfort her big sister. She got behind the couch with her, sitting in front of her, she kissed the top of her sisters head while cradling it. Having short arms she couldn’t wrap her sister in her arms not like how her dad does.

“JJ?” Jensen calls. “Y/N?”

The stifled cries from Y/N gave them away.

Jensen found the couch where she hid, to find JJ holding Y/N’s head in a hug.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sissy’s scared of the fireworks.”

Jensen having the gut feeling he knew why she was.

“Why are you scared honey?” He asks anyway.

“It sounds like his gun.” She says with her head on her knees.

Jensen’s heart sank.

“It’s okay honey, we’ll get you through this. How about you hang out inside for a bit. Okay?”

Y/N nodded.

“We can play in here, or we can watch movies in the movie room?”

“Okay.” She says. JJ and Y/N getting up to the movie room and watching movies.

 The little girl made so many friends at her new school. One of her friends took her to church one Sunday for the first time.

Sitting in Sunday school, the teacher walked in.

The little girl saw a picture of Jesus on the cross.

“I know that man, up there on the cross.” She says.

“Oh?” the teacher asks.

She nods. “He was there in my old house, and he held me close to his side. As I hid there behind our couch, the night my parents died.”

She told the teacher her story. Her old mom and dad, tainted with sin, neglecting her.

“But everything is fine now. My new mom and dad, they give me kisses and hugs every day. We play almost every day. Dad plays on TV; he plays a guy who fights monsters with his brother. My dad is a hero.”

“What about your new mom?”

“She brushes my hair every night, her and dad make me feel safe. She’s dad’s sidekick.”

Some kids giggled. The teacher even chuckled.

“That’s sweet honey, how about for the first bit of class, we draw our superheroes. It could be Christ Himself, or your parents. Let’s do that and you can take it home to show everyone.”

The teacher let the kids be and draw away.

 Y/N’s friend’s parent’s dropped her off back home.

“How was church honey?” Danneel asked as she waited outside for her.

“It was good, we drew our superheroes in Sunday school.” She says holding up a picture. Drawn in crayon and marker.

Jensen walked through the door outside, stepping beside Danneel wrapping an arm around her.

“How as church kiddo?”

“Good, I was telling mom I drew my superheroes.” She says.

Jensen peered over Danneel’s shoulder. Seeing the same drawing.

Of stick figures, one with Dad under it, wearing a cape with an S on it. Symbolizing Superman.

He saw another stick figure, the word Mom under it. Wore a skirt and a cape with a S on it as well.

Under the both of their stick figures, she wrote in big letters as big as they would fit on the paper, Thank you.

Jensen walked around, picking up Y/N, hugging her close. Danneel joining in the hug as she hugged her and Jensen as close as she could.

“We love you so much sweetheart, and you’re most welcome.” Jensen says, holding back the tears.

She smiled against him as her parents held her close.

At first growing up, she never knew what it was like to be loved, to be given a kiss or a hug. To be cuddled, or let alone held in a loving and cuddling way.

Now she doesn’t have to worry about another fight. She doesn’t have to worry about her dad going off drinking, when he’s always home with his family. She doesn’t have to worry about her mom doing drugs to get through the day, when her mom just needs to see her girls smile, to hear her girls laugh to make her day better. 

~

a/n: Did you cry? Here are some virtual tissues, I cried too hun. How’d you like it, let me know! Feedback is always appreciated!

Jensen Girls:

@luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @jayankles, @jeaniespiehs20, @winchesters-favorite-girl, @mlovesstories, @moonlight-on-her-skin, @backseat-of-deans-67chevy, @salt-n-burn-em-all, @lyarr24, @akshi8278

Dean Girls:

@flamencodiva, @anotherspnfanfic, @megzdoodle, @misfit0118​

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 4/11/2021

[shydragonrider]

Blood on the Ash -5

Warnings: Fear of abandonment, fever, past torture, panic attack.

Taglist: @teheranb​​ @equestrianwritingsstuff​​, and @whumpsday​

______

Max drifted into consciousness with a low groan. He peeled his eyes open, gaze landing on Zana, who was stretched out on her back, watching something on her phone.

Max coughed, and Zana jumped with a startled curse. He shrank back with a whimper, waiting for a strike that never came.

Instead, she huffed a laugh, removing her ear buds, and turning off her phone. Her half-smile faded when her eyes met his.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean t-to...” He didn’t dare say scare you, that would only anger her further.

Zana tilted her head, realization flashing in her eyes.

“It’s okay.” She told him. “I was watching a horror movie. You just startled me.”

“I’m sorry.” He sniffled.

“Why? It’s not a big deal.” She told him, concern creeping into her tone. “Max... You do realize that it’s not a big deal, right?” She pressed. He shook his head with a nervous whimper.

Zana sighed, reaching out a hand. Max flinched and shut his eyes, but her fingers just brushed over his forehead, then withdrew.

“You’re still feverish.” She sighed.

__________

Her ex-nemesis stared up at her, his eyes wide and terrified. It made Zana’s stomach knot. She almost missed the insufferable arrogance he’d once had. At least then he hadn’t been begging for mercy every time she moved.

Max sniffled, curling up under the blankets.

“Why did Everett do this to you?” She asked quietly.

Max blanched, and he stuttered out what sounded like ‘please’

Zana drew back with a frown, which only seemed to distress him further.

“Nonononono, p-please don’t l-leave me. I-I’ll be g-good, I p-promise.” He stammered, trembling all over.

“whoa, whoa, I’m not gonna leave you.” He didn’t seem to hear her. Zana sighed, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his torso, grimacing at his panicked, erratic breathing.

“Calm down, I’m not gonna leave you.” She murmured. Max whimpered, leaning against her, sniffling.

“I-I was a l-liability. I w-wasn’t supposed to let y-you live.”

Zana tensed, but Max didn’t seem to notice. “He f-found out I activated your d-distress signal.”

Zana closed her eyes. She’d never understood why he’d done that, but she’d certainly never thought he’d pay for it like this.

“I-I wish I’d just missed.” He sobbed, pressing his face into her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Why did you activate the distress signal?” Zana murmured. “You’ve hated me since the moment you laid eyes on me.”

“I didn’t hate you.” He moaned, shivering against her. “I-it wasn’t personal, at first.” He moaned. “Th-then they told me to get rid of you. Y-you were getting t-too close.” He took a hitching breath. “And when I...” He gulped. “When I sh-shot you... I-I was supposed to kill you, f-finish the job, b-but I-I couldn’t. I hoped it would be enough of a warning.” He sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hurt you at all. I should have s-said you got away- Please, I’m so sorry.” He cried.

“Hush.” Zana said softly. “Hush, it’s alright.”

“I s-shot you.” He whimpered.

“It healed.” She replied.

________

Max was sure this had to be a dream.

Zana gently eased him back to the bed, whispering reassurances.

It healed. That was all she’d said, yet it calmed him more than he could express.

“You’re going to need to eat something, and my sister will need to change your bandages. I’ll make some soup- I hope you like chicken noodle, because it’s all I have, and Eve will stay with you until I get back. I’ll tell her you don’t want to be alone.” Zana told him.

Max caught her wrist as she stood up.

“Thank you.” He murmured.

A soft smile flitted across her lips. “You’re welcome.”

Max’s face claim, Joe Anderson (Yes, I made the gif) (Also, the kind of Arrogance Zana almost misses.)

[dumbdemonslayertexts]

second(ish) time around

Pairing: Rengoku × black!fem reader

Tags: fluff, light angst, humor

Additional notes: not much lol this just came to me while i watched mugen train with one of my besties lol AND IT WAS V QUICKLY SKIM EDITED SORRY I HAD TO GET THIS OUTTTTT

the first showing was a triumph for the entire cast and crew. kyojuro couldn’t have been more pleased with the depth of emotional reaction and stout devotion he managed to reel from so many across the globe, even with such brief screentime as he’d had. however, he could and would proudly declare that he’d been his proudest once he caught his love welling in tears by his side, engulfed in his final speech before his death. 

“hey..!” he knew it was discourteous to blow her immersion like he had, but her precious face looked so heartbroken. and he couldn’t bare any measure of sadness in her; his need to protect her–even from fictionally pulled heartstrings, made him ease her soft cheek toward him until she faced him fully. the way her eyes rounded and winced into his gaze left a wrenching pain in his chest, but kyo offered her a glowing smile to lift her spirits, even if their being sullen had meant he’d exceeded his goals in the flame hashira’s portrayal, “i’m here, baby..! right here… don’t cry…” he closed his eyes and nudged the button of her nubian nose that he adored so, nuzzling his lips to hers in an eskimo kiss before covering her mouth with tender stamps of the real thing. 

despite his solace, she raised the cup holder armrest between their seats, leaving kyojuro to lower it himself once she had nestled snuggly into his lap for the remaining few minutes and credits. she’d needed his warmth, the reassurance of his breaths rising and falling where she could feel them against her. he provided it all, wrapping her tightly in his arms, pressing his cheek to hers and smushing loving kisses to her temple until the credits rolled.

online blogs were flooded the next day with photos of kyo–gleefully signing autographs with his lady full on clinging to him, wrapped around his neck and waist like his own baby koala. it made his heart swell for her more to see the posts. he hadn’t even noticed her that night hugging and giving comforting touches to the more sensitive of his fans who were also saddened by his character’s end, as he posed for selfies in the foreground.

he swore then that he would marry her. the second he could customize the ring meant to signify her as his love, he would. 

there were a handful of additional premieres he was required to attend with the others, and gradually, the intensity of his love’s reaction lessened to the emotional climax. he still saw her eyes clench at times, and her full lips purse with the smaller upheavals of her grief for his fallen character, but she was more comfortable with the fact that he was right beside her through it all, fingers laced with hers and pressing kisses into her gorgeous, rich skin. it made his heart flutter to know that his promise was taken to heart. he was right here, and would never leave.

by the time mugen train had arrived on Netflix, she was even comfortable enough to view it without him physically at her side. though, he only knew that from the brief interludes he took to order Uber eats and bring their dinner in for them. at all remaining times he was snuggled into her soft form, resting between her legs, his back to her chest as they both ate and watched and talked. the freedom to chat during the movie was a relief to the both of them after having been forced to stay silent out of professional courtesy so many times.

“he called his ma to him at the end, that’s what hurts me mosttttt..!” her lips abandoned her drink straw to play-sob to him. it drew a humming chuckle rumbling from his chest, and he reached a hand back absently to squish her face. 

the idea was very stirring, he would admit freely. to have someone be so profoundly important to a person that they would even hold death at bay for a final talk with them.

“…i would call you to me, baby. if it was really me,” murmured, bashful and toying with her painted toenails.

“Uh… no hell you wouldn’t, either.”

she answered so abruptly, and with such blazé that he turned to her and gawked.

“you don’t believe me?”

“i didn’t say that,” she flatly answered, then bit into her hamburger, returning her attention to the screen, “i just know you damn well better not.”

the way she elevated her brow, and refused eye contact afterward made him snicker. so she’d very much gotten over the sadness that overcame her the first time she’d watched him die on screen, he could conclude, “why not, i love you! you can’t be that cold to me–why wouldn’t you want me to call you to me after i just gave my life like that..!” he made himself comfier as he whined, turning over so he could use the plush of her tummy and chest to rest his head, and continuing to devour his own monster of a cheeseburger as she pet through his hair.

“boy, i wish the hell you would disturb my whole entire eternal rest to fuckin' conduct a survey–” she laughed with him at that, feeling kyo cracking up hard enough to shake his body “on your last twelve decisions before you got a hole punched through your damn stomach.”

“a survey?!” he howled, eyes screwed shut with how hard he was cackling, “you say that like i’d be standing there with notes just—-so, okay, bae, that one dodge i did about 53seconds in, on a scale of 1-10, how would you say–”

“that’s what he did!” she insisted, only making him laugh harder. though, truthfully, she couldn’t help losing it with him, “he called her and flat out said ‘hey, mom, so: real quick, couple questions,” they both hissed their laughter like vipers, trying their best to draw adequate breaths.

“–i also have a comment card here for ya,” he added again, still breathless, “just, if you could fill that in for me that’d be great.”

“i would be so pissed at you, i swear.” she soothed, sounding anything but while she adjusted herself lower for his comfort.

“i fell for the prettiest, meanest, sweetest little sunbeam i could find, i’m hopeless,” he leaned down to the floor to sip from his own drink, “my babydoll kitten would just rip my heart out from my chest.”

“how i’m the one ripping your heart out? you and me both just watched: that pink-headed nigga punched it out, don’t lie on me.”

he promptly choked from that response, causing her to chuckle as she patted his back.

“and she would clown me while i was dying!”

“baby! for what reason would you even call me there! like, kyo, your stupidass is already dying, i'ma see you in like five minutes! but you wanna sit there and waste both our time! i could’ve been getting ready, i could’ve did my hair, hell–!”

“wait so you would have said that to me, honestly?” He cackled, “if I called you, you would’ve said i was wasting your time and that you could’ve been doing your hair?”

“no!” she giggled, “you know i am not that mean!”

“so what would you have said?” He asked, very seriously wanting a full out script, being the actor that he was. but she played along without missing a beat, something that he made his heart flutter heavily again… along with how much and how hard she could make him laugh about anything. even their own deaths.

“ 'nigga what the hell’d you call me here for’ ,” she dryly answered, ignoring the grin painted over her face, “ 'how’re you gonna sit there and wink at me and you got like twelve internal organs back there by that tree? and who the hell is all them you got with you? what the hell you did to these folks’ train!?’ ”

he was dying by then, abdominals burning and beginning to sweat from it along with her body heat so close to his.

“okay, but remember everything you said because i’m putting all this in my vows.”

he heard her drop her food onto the floor, and suddenly, kyojuro realized he’d blown his surprise.

[suckerforcate]

You are loved

Pairing: Cordelia Goode×Reader

Word Count: 5386

Warning: smut, a bit of insecurities but mostly fluffy

A/n: So this is more of a slowburn and I want to warn you, this is my first fanfiction of Cordelia ever and I'm not sure if I got her character right. It happens right after Fiona and Cordelia talking. (I quoted it) Also English isn't my first language. Also I am feeling kind of insecure about this cause I've never posted something from me. Feedback would be great!

Summary: Cordelia feels horrible because of Fiona, and your try to help her. In that process you become friends or maybe more?

You can't help me. You can't help anyone. You're worthless, hopeless. Get out of my sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were sitting on your bed reading a book as always when you heard somebody slamming a door. You fastly realised it was Cordelias, whos room was just next to yours. You didn't think to much about it, it could have just been the wind, and went on reading.

A little later you heard sobs from somewhere quite close to your room. You put your book aside and left your room to see if it was Cordelia. As you came closer to her room you could clearly identify them as hers. You really didn't want to annoy or bother her but you started you get really worried. This wasn't like her at all, slamming doors and crying alone in the bedroom. You gently knocked on her door, without an answer. "Miss Cordelia? Is everything alright?" Still no answer. "I come in now, ok?" As she still wasn't answering you slowly opened the door and looked through the little door gap. You were shocked and didn't know what to do for a second when you saw Cordelia sitting on the floor in the middle of the room sobbing and crying. You ran to her and pulled her into a hug, you didn't want her to feel uncomfortable because of this but it would have broken your heart to see her like this and do nothing.

The moment you pulled her in she held on tight to your shirt and didn't want to loosen her grip. Her sobs grew louder as you gently rubbed her hair. "Shhh...Everything is alright. I'm here, Miss Cordelia." You held her like this till her sobs started to fall silent. You pushed her a little away from you to see her face and wiped away some tears that were still falling down her beautiful cheeks. You felt a wave of anger coming up towards whoever hurt her and made her feel this way. "What happened? Who hurt you?" She wanted to look down but you gently pulled her face up with your thumb. You looked her directly in the red and teary eyes and all the pain, insecurities amd sorrow you saw there broke your heart. You wished you could keep her safe from the world and take all this pain away from her. "I-... she is right I am an absolute failure..." she sobbed again, her voice wasn't more than a whisper now, "I did nothing meaningful in my life I can't help anyone, I'm useless!", "Shhh, don't say that Delia, please! You're wonderful, you lead this school. You are like a mother to all of us and we need you, you help us everyday! Whoever told you this is an Idiot!" as you said that you realised you didn't know who told her these horrible things but you already had an idea. You couldn't think about it longer as Cordelia swung her arms around your neck and started to sob again.

"Come on, we'll take you to bed. You need some rest know." You helped her stand up and brought her to her bed. You pulled the covers over her and the same second you gave her a kiss on the forehead she fell asleep.

You slowly and quietly left her room, but the instance you closed her door you stormed down the stairs and rushed into the living room. You felt like a fire was burning inside of you. The moment you saw Fiona sitting on the couch with a cigarette in the hand like nothing happened you got even angrier. "How dare you tell Cordelia those things? How dare you tell her she is useless and doesn't help anyone? Everything was fine until you came back! You had no right to come here after all this time and insult her all day! And don't tell me that you are the Supreme, I don't care! You are her mother." "Come down (Y/n). Its not that big of a deal, ok? I Just told her the truth." You steped closer to her and slapped her across the face. "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?! She sat crying on her floor because she believes all those things you tell her! She is the most wonderful human I know and I won't tolerate this behaviour towards her. I don't care who you are!" you saw the corners of her mouth rising. She was laughing, really?! "I think Delia found herself a girlfriend? Didn't she?" "Careful what you say!" and with that you rushed out of the room again.

You stormed into your room again and laid down in your bed. How can Fiona say something like that to her own daughter?! That's horrible. I need to make her feel better somehow, she shouldn't believe those things! And with an idea how to help Cordelia on your mind you fell asleep.

The next day you woke up before everyone else, put on some clothes and went into the greenhouse. You wanted to put some roses onto Cordelias desk, so you grabbed some and made a nice little bouquet for her. But you weren't quit satisfied with the shade of yellow they had. You wanted to turn them into a different colour, the problem was just: you never managed to do that before. But you tried it, the colour you thought of was one that reminded you of Cordelia. She ones wore a nice blouse in a beautiful light shade of pink. You focused on the image of Cordelia in that blouse and closed your eyes. You remembered every detail of that blouse, that shade, Cordelia. As you opened your eyes, the roses had the exact colour of the blouse. For the first time you did it.

You grabbed the flowers and went to your room. Your wrote a little note saying:

I did it, just for you.

Love (Y/n)

You pushed the note between the flowers, put some water into a vase and quietly brought the flowers to Cordelias desk. After that you read a little bit in your book until it was time for breakfast.

After breakfast you saw Cordelia going to her office and the next time you saw her was in class an hour later. You sat at the table focused on the potion you should make when you felt someone standing behind you. "Thank you, Darling. I appreciated your help yesterday and the flowers very much."  whispered Cordelia in your ear and walked away. For the rest of the class you couldn't stop smiling, the thought that she felt better made you happy. After class as you wanted to leave somebody grabbed your wrist. It was Cordelia. You turned around just to be pulled into a hug within the same second. You heard her mumble something into your ear: "Really! Thank you, you don't know what that means to me (Y/n). Even though I would appreciate it very much if you wouldn't tell anyone. You saw me at one of my weakest points, not everyone needs to know about that." You wiped away a single tear that fell down her cheek as you said: "Shhh, everything is alright. I didn't even think about telling somebody! This is our little secret. And please know that you can always come to me when something is on your mind, alright?" She slowly nodded and you hugged her again before you left for Myrtle's class.

After that you and Cordelia became friends, you spend much more time together and you often helped her in the greenhouse. You also always had an eye on Fiona. You wanted to make sure she wouldn't hurt Cordelia again.

On a nice Saturday evening, when Zoe, Madison and Queenie decided to go out and party a little bit, you had planed a nice movie night with Cordelia."Just put on some comfy clothes and come to my room. I will have everything prepared." you had snacks, something to drink and one of you favourite movies "Pride and Prejudice" picked out. She hadn't watched it yet so you found this as the perfect opportunity to change that. When Cordelia came to your room in the evening you were speechless. She was just wearing some joggers and a loosen shirt. Her hair was tied together into a low ponytail but she looked absolutely stunning. You always thought she was beautiful but now without make up in those comfortable clothes she just radiated pure beauty. So you choose to tell her so, you were still trying to convince her that what her mother says is bullshit.

"Is something wrong with my clothes? Why are you staring at me like that?" Cordelia suddenly looked very shy and insecure. You directly stepped forward to her beacuse this was absolutely not the reaction you wanted. You grabbed her hands and looked at her " No,no,no.. I was staring because you look so beautiful." She rolled her eyes and went to my bed. "What?" I turned around in disbelieve. "(Y/n) I look hideous, I don't even wear make up!" a single tear rolled down her cheek. I immediately went to her, sat down next to her and wiped the tear away. "Cordelia don't say that! You look beautiful with and without make up! You are beautiful from the inside and the outside. Please Delia believe me!" It broke your heart to see that she thought so bad about herself. You laid down on the bed and pulled her with you. "Come on let's watch the movie." You smiled and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, (Y/n). For everything!" You watched the movie together and soon you felt that Cordelia fell asleep in your arms. You let her sleep in your room, she looked too peaceful to wake her.

-------------

It was Sunday and everyone was doing something by themselves, you were sitting on your bed and tried to draw something. You hadn't drawn something for ages. You slowly started to sketch the outlines of a face, then the eyes, the nose, the lips. When you were finished you looked at it and realised you drew her. Cordelia. You didn't plan to do so but it happened. As you looked at it something came to your mind so you searched a pen and wrote it under the sketch.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

I want to see you all the time,

I want to feel you day and night.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

As you heard footsteps coming closer to your room you put the paper into your diary and pulled the sheets over it. Zoe opened the door, "Dinner is ready, do you come?", "Sure!". You stood up and headed to dinner with Zoe.

After dinner you headed back to your room and sat down on you bed. You still thought about the drawing you did earlier. Why did you draw Cordelia? Of course she was yo friend she meant something to you, but... you didn't love her. Did you?

You laid down and started at the ceiling. Your thought drifted off to Cordelia. You closed your eyes and imagined her face. Her beautiful laugh, the way her eyes light up when somebody succeeded a new spell, her soft voice that always comforted you. Her soft hair, that always fell perfectly over her shoulders down to her breasts. Her beautiful skinny waist and her long and elegant legs. We'll maybe you were in love with her, but actually who wouldn't fall I love with her. She is an angel, shining like the moon, warming up your heart like the sun and calming like a cold night breeze. As you were still thinking about her you slowly fell asleep. Your dreams were haunted by her golden hair, her soft skin and her radiating, warming laugh.

The next day as you were entering the greenhouse for your Class with Cordelia, you winked at her and sat down on your seat. "Looking good today, Miss Cordelia." She wore the blouse you thought about while colouring the flowers. She was radiating warmth and beauty as always but especially when she was in the greenhouse she seemed even happier and more at ease with herself. That calmness and confidence she had with her than made her even more ravishing. It was hard to concentrate throughout the class, it always felt like you were looking right into the sun, you picked the wrong ingredients, used too much of the herbs and even accidentally threw the bowl down.

At the beginning Cordelia joked about it and always looked at you with an amused smile but as it got more and more she started to look quit worried. After class ended and you wanted to leave she pulled you back at the wrist. Deja vú. "What's wrong (Y/n)? You seemed so absent today. Is everything okay?" She gave you a comforting smile that seemed to say it's okay, you can tell me. But you couldn't tell her. She liked you, yes. But she didn't love you. Your friendship with her was too precious to endanger it like this. "Nothing, just tired. Everything's fine!" You gave her a fast, reassuring smile, turned around and left as fast as possible. With that you left a confused and worried Cordelia.

She knew you well enough by now to know that there was more behind this than just being tired. So after she had cleaned the greenhouse and did all her paperwork for the day she chose to talk to you again. Something was wrong and she was determined to find out what it was. So she went to your room an gently knocked.  As she got no reaction she knocked again but there was still no reaction. She slowly opened the door and stepped in. She looked through the room but you weren't there. As she wanted to turn around and leave she saw a book laying on the floor. Because books shouldn't be on the floor, she picked it up and put it on your bed. As she did that she saw a paper looking our of the book, normally she wouldn't have cared but she saw her name Delia on it. She hoped it would be an answer to why you were acting so strange lately. She opened the book and pulled out the paper. At first she didn't even understand that you had drawn her but as she did and then read the little poem you wrote under it, her confusion just grew. She actually knew what it meant and deep down she already knew even before this but her self esteem was too low to believe anyone could love her. The one time she did believe that that was possible she married a witchhunter. Her mind started making her believe that what she thought about your feelings was something she imagined. So as she read the poem her mind pretended it had to be something different, something she didn't understand.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

I want to see you all the time,

I want to feel you day and night.

Oh, Delia,

my wonderful Cordelia.

She folded the paper neatly and left your room. The only other place were you could be was the greenhouse. You loved to read there because the only person who came there out of class was Cordelia. You didn't mind her presence at all so that was fine. But Madison used to talk all the time, Zoe wanted to know what you were reading and Queenie just wasn't your best friend. That wasn't an reading atmosphere. Cordelia knew that so she went straight to the greenhouse.

She entered the greenhouse and her eyes wandern through the rooms and corners between all the plants until her eyes met yours. You heard her coming in and already looked at her. "(Y/n) can we talk?" You started to get nervous, this phrase never meant something good. You slowly put your book aside and stood up. Cordelia had sat down at one of the tables that were normally used for classes. You pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. "What is it? Has something happened. Your scaring me, Delia!" you looked her right in the eye cause normally you could easily read her like that but today there was nothing. Like she wanted to hide it all away from you. It hurt because you thought she wanted to shut you out but as she heard that she scared you, something happened in her eyes. They softened for a second and showed empathy. "No, nothing happened. Don't worry!" She shyly smiled at you. But as fast as this empathy came it was away again. She didn't look angry or the way she does when you or the girls fucked up. It was just nothing.

This nothing probably scared you even more than her being angry.

"Please Cordelia, tell me what's wrong?!"

"I actually wanted to talk to you, because you were so strange in class today. I knew something was wrong but I wasn't sure what it was. So I went to your room to see if you were there. But you weren't. I knew you were in the greenhouse then. So I turned around to go. But I nearly stepped on a book on the floor. Books down belong on the floor (Y/n). I picked it up to put it on your bed and I.... I saw a piece of paper in it with my name on it. I, (Y/n), I didn't mean to look at it but I thought it would explain your strange behaviour...." your eyes widened as you realised that she saw the drawing and the little poem. Why did you leave it open in your room. It was just a matter of time that someone saw it. But of course it directly had to be Cordelia. She probably hates you now. You couldn't even look her in the eyes anymore.

"...so I pulled it out. (Y/n) I am really sorry you have to believe me I didn't respect your privacy. But as I looked at it I didn't understand anything. (Y/n) what does that mean?" She put her hand above mine and gently rubbed over it with her thumb. I felt the urge to pull my hand away cause I was so embarrassed and afraid what she would think but I didn't want to make it worse. I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

"(Y/n) what's wrong. Please talk to me, don't shut me out. It's all okay." she gently pulled my chin up with her hand and I finally looked into her eyes. All I saw was love and worry. No anger no coldness and no nothing anymore. This look of her gave me strength and before I could think about it I blurted it out. "I love you, Cordelia. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It just happened. We spend so much time together and we got so close. I'm sorry." Cordelia said nothing, she just looked at you in shock. As she wanted to pull her hand away you grabbed it. "Please Cordelia say something!" You had no idea what was going on in her because her eyes just showed shock. Suddenly she stood up and left. She just left you alone sitting there.

There were a hundred thoughts in your head all asking questions to which you didn't have an answer. You knew you had to talk to Cordelia. She was your teachers and one of your best friends. You couldn't just not talk to each other. That didn't work. So you stood up an searched her. There weren't alot of places where she could be. You knew she probably wanted to be alone so the options were her office or her bedroom. You first went to her office. You didn't even bother to knock you just opened the door but Cordelia wasn't there. You left and went to her bedroom. You just wanted to open the door as you heard someone crying. It was a really quite crying but it was there. But I didn't come from Cordelias room. It came from yours. You quietly approached the door and opened it. You saw Cordelia sitting on your bed crying.

As you closed the door she looked up. "What are you doing here (Y/n)?" You smiled amused. "Well, I could ask you the same question. This is my room Delia. Your sitting on my bed." She opened her eyes widely and wanted to stand up. "I am so sorry. I must have mistaken our rooms. I will leave. Sorry!" You quickly stepped forward and grabbed her arms. "Stop, stop, stop. You will go nowhere. Neither am I angry nor do I want you to go because we have to talk. So sit down again, please." She shyly looked at you and sat down.

Her eyes were still red and puffy from the crying. Her cheeks still wet. You carefully dried them and sat down next to her. "Why did you just leave?" She didn't answer your question and just ignored it. "Why didn't you tell me (Y/n)?". You had to think about this question a little bit, but the truth was you were just scared. So so scared. "Look Delia, I...to be honest I was just scared. I was afraid of your reaction, of what you would think and that it could damage our friendship. This friendship means more than anything to me. Your my best friend." Your voice started to crack and some tears escaped your eyes. "And I think your reaction said more than words could have ever. But it's okay, really. As long as our friendship won't be damaged." You tried to smile but it more looked like you were being tortured.

"No, (Y/n). Don't say that, I... I think you got the wrong impression. I run away because I couldn't belive that you could love me. I mean look at me. I am like, what? 20? years older that you. Your still young and beautiful. How could you love me? Why don't you love Zoe or Madison?" More and more tears fell down her cheeks. As you felt a tear drop on your hand you realised that your were crying too. But not because of your feelings. No, you were crying because of the things Cordelia said about herself. It broke your heart that this person that you saw as the most amazing person in the world things so bad about herself.

"Oh, Delia. Please don't say those things. Listen to me okay? You are not just beautiful, your beauty is ethereal. You are perfect in any way and I never not for one second thought about the age gap. Okay? I don't care about you being 20 years older. You are the one I chose, the one I fell in love with. I want to spend my life with you. You make me feel so warm and so loved. More than I've ever did before. I am the happiest me ever. Because of you. Because of you I have a reason to stand up every morning. The thought of your warm smile and your honest laugh makes my heart light up. Where ever I am, the thought of you makes me feel at home. And I-...I just don't want to be away from you. I want to be with you all the time. Fall asleep in your arms. Wake up with my eyes on you. Walk through my day while you tell me stupid jokes. Want to listen to your voice every minute until we die. You make me complete, Delia. I love you!"

Without thinking about it you leaned forward and cupped her cheeks before you kissed her. Her lips were still wet from her tears so you layed all your love into this one kiss. You wanted Cordelia to feel what you just told her. Your right hand slowly wandered down to her hip to pull her closer to you.

Cordelia hesitated at first but than she laid her hand on your cheek and kissed you back. The kiss ended as you both pulled away and gasped for air.

Cordelia swung her arms around you and laid her head into the crook of your neck. You could feel some tears falling onto your shoulder. You could hear her whisper something into your ear so quietly you weren't even sure you were meant to hear it but she pulled back and repeated it louder and with more confidence. "I love you (Y/n). I always did. I just didn't think someone like you could love me." You kissed her again. It was a short kiss but it was full of love and adoration.

"Just because your mother and Hank made you believe your unloveable and not worthy of any kind of love or affection doesn't mean its true. Okay?" You gently stroked her hair as you said that. You hugged her around the waist and pulled her closer to you. She pulled you down with her so you were both laying on your bed arms in arms. You fell asleep in this position and you both slept better than ever before.

-------------

The next weeks were perfect, better than you could have ever imagined. The relationship with Cordelia filled you up with love and warmth. You wanted to make her feel your love and adoration every day, every second. You told her how beautiful she is every day and always tried to make her smile when she had a stressfull day. But there was still one thing that she was really insecure about. Her body, her naked body. She always changed clothes in a hurry, in the bathroom or she turned around. You couldn't understand why because you guessed she was absoultely stunning. But you also didn't want to push her so you accepted it.

It wasn't just that you felt sorry that she still felt ao insecure, even towards you but also that you wanted to make her feel good too. She had pleasured you a few times but everytime when you wanted to give back the favor she said it was okay, that she was tired or that she just wanted to cuddle. You couldn't imagine that she didn't want to feel this. She wanted it you knew it but she was too afraid. Eventhough there was no need for that.

One evening when she had searched an excuse again and you were both laying in bed just cuddling you decided that it was enough. By know you wanted ro pleasure her and let her scream your name more than you even wanted to be fucked. You gently pulled yourself out of the position you were both in and sat up. "(Y/n) what's wrong? Don't you want to cuddle?" She got insecure again and slowly tried to pull the sheets over her body. "I want to cuddle, Delia but.. and please listen to me don't interrupt me. I want to touch you, the way you want to be touched. I know that you want it, don't try to deny it. And I also know that you are really insecure about your body but we talked about this. I love you, I don't care what you look like. And I also think you are absolutely stunning. Please Delia, trust me. Sex is something where both are involved. Both should feel good. That's not the case at the moment."

"Of course I want it (Y/n). How couldn't I, but I am afraid of your reaction. No matter what you say, you can't deny that I am older than you. A lot." "Older doesn't mean less beautiful, Delia." You smiled at her reassuringly.

You slowly pulled down the sheets and looked at Cordelias body. She was just wearing a big oversized grey shirt. You put your hand on her tight and started to rub it while going higher. With that you also pulled up her shirt a little. Before you pulled the shirt over her hips completely you looked at her to make sure she was still fine with everything you were doing. She shyly nodded so you started pulling the shirt up again. She raised her arms and you pulled it off completely.

She had the urge to cover her body and you knew that. But you didn't want that so you gently held her arms at the sides and started to gently spread kisses on her body. Starting with her mouth, her neck, her shoulders, her tummy and then you slowly got closer to her breasts. With one hand you caressed her left breast and with the other you calmly started to draw her bra strap down. She raised her body so that you could grab around her body and open the bra. You pulled it off and threw it to the floor. You sat up a little bit and couldn't do anything else but stare at her.

"(Y/n), don't please. I told you, I..." You shut her off by kissing her. "I didn't stare because I thought you were ugly, it was quite the opposite actually. You are amazingly beautiful and attractive, Darling." You saw her eyes starting to tear up so you leant down again and kissed her, more passionate this time. And while doing that your hand started to knead her breasts and pinch her nipples. She quietly moaned into your mouth so your hand went down over her tummy to the waistband of her underwear. You again looked at her in question. The instance she nodded your hand slid into her panties.

"Oh, Darling. You're so wet already, why didn't we do this earlier?" You slowly started to part her folds and gently stroke over her center which made her moan again. That was your sign and you fastly pulled off her underwear completely. As your mouth wandered down her body again you put both your hands on her waist. You spread kisses on her inner tights and slowly approached her center. As you got closer she spread her legs. You took this as an invitation, so you slowly started to kiss her center which made her moan. Your tongue slowly stared to lick her clit while your left hand moved down to play with her entrance. Delia grabbed your hair and you could feel that she started to breath heavier. You started to slide into her with one finger and gently fuck her. At the same time your tongue got faster and you sucked hard with your mouth. "Oh (Y/n), please..." You looked up at her and smirked. " Use your words, Delia. What do you want?" Her breathing got heavier but she managed to get the words: " Please.. fuck me. Use two fingers.. oh" out.  So you did what she wanted. You pulled another finger inside of her and thrusted them in and out fastly. You knew that she was close so you grabbed her breast with the other hand and pinched her nipples. That was too much, Cordelia came screaming your name and moaning loudly. But you didn't stop sucking and licking her pussy. You heard her moaning even louder, she was so sensitive right know. She bit her lip, because she didn't want to scream so loud. "Please Delia I want to hear you, moan and scream my name for me" so she did exactly that. "OH (Y/n), please let me come" you stopped your movements and looked up to her. "You come when I tell you to come Cordelia. Ok?" She nodded, taken aback by your outburst of top energy. You slowly started to play with her clit again and because she was so sensitive she directly screamed again. You saw that she tried really hard not to come and that view turned you on so much that you could feel your own wetness again. "Come for me baby!" And she did exactly that,  she came screaming and panting. Her whole body trembled. "Please (Y/n) stop, I can't take this anymore. It's too much." So you slowly stopped and moved up to kiss her.

"I love you (Y/n)"

You pulled her into your arms. "I love you too"

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“Victoria’s Game Part II” - Embry Call x Reader

Summary: Part two to “Victoria’s Game”  Part One  / Part Two  / Part Three  / Part Four

***(Y/N)’S POV***

Hanging out with Bella and Jacob wasn’t exactly a bad time, it was just tense. 

It was tense to know that some redheaded monster out there wanted to hurt me, to kill me.

I was put on the same field as Bella now, a magnet for impending vampire doom. Even sitting and watching a movie with them all felt anxiety inducing. I wasn’t sure how long I could cope with this. As time went on, things were seemingly getting worse. 

The nightmares seemed to be endless. 

Even Embry couldn’t keep them away. 

I found myself tossing and turning in the night, sweating in fear. Red eyes haunted my dreams. I almost found myself hallucinating at this point, unable to look out of my windows at night, unable to look into a mirror without hesitation. Everywhere I looked, I was looking for her. I was absolutely terrified. The paranoia took over, and I couldn’t understand how Bella wasn’t falling apart at the seams like myself. 

I saw myself deteriorating day by day. The undereye bags got darker by the day, as sleep was increasingly hard. I felt myself having difficulty eating, getting out of my room was difficult.

The Cullens and the pack took turns making sure Bella and I were kept safe, constantly overseeing us. I’d look out my window every night to be met with the presence of someone keeping me safe. 

It was so unnerving to know that I was in so much danger that I couldn’t be left alone. Life was now terrifyingly real, I often heard my heartbeat beating out of my chest, the thumping in my ears at the sight of my own shadow and an unexpected noise.

While I was grateful, it was all so much.

I didn’t get to see everyone I cared for much anymore, well unless they were guarding my house. I didn’t get to have much fun anymore. Even when I saw all my friends, the atmosphere was tense. 

I don’t know who felt worse. Them for seeing how distraught and paranoid I was, or me for seeing how much they were torturing themselves to keep me safe. 

“Baby, please eat.” Embry encourages as I stared at the food in front of me. 

I look over at him and notice his pleading eyes. 

“Please.” He rubs circles on my back. 

I forced myself to take a bite of the food that Emily made and sent over for me. I appreciated it, but in reality I just couldn’t feel the hunger anymore. In-fact, I couldn’t feel much anymore. 

I felt the paranoia, the comfort of Embry’s arms around me, and guilt. Undying guilt every time I looked out my window and saw someone standing there, watching over my life. 

I no longer was met with fun game nights, sitting around joking for hours, and simply a nice time with everyone. Everyone was so on edge. 

Tonight, I peered out my window to see that Embry, Quil, and Paul standing there. Paul was the first one to notice my eyes on them, causing him to look up and meet my gaze. I felt my vision cloud as tears pricked my eyes, especially when Quil and Embry joined him in looking at me. 

I couldn’t bring myself to look at the three enormous wolves standing outside my house, for I felt so guilty. 

“Sorry.” I whispered, trying to stop the sob from escaping my lips. 

I walked over back to my bed. I laid down and pulled the blankets over me. 

Numbness was all I felt, until my eyes fell shut for the last time that night and I was met with sleep.

Though, I don’t think that lasted too long. The red eyes haunted me again.

I saw a woman with red eyes peering through my window, a crooked smile on her face. I watched as she opened my bedroom window, stalking over to me in my bed, leaning over me. But I was paralyzed. 

Though, I was woken up to warm arms lightly grabbing ahold of me. 

“Shhh, I’m here. I’m right here.” Embry’s soothing voice whispered. 

I felt the tightness in my chest begin to seize, I was gasping for air. But the feeling of his arms wrapped around me gave me the warmth I needed. It gave me the safety I needed to feel. 

“Em..”

Sobs raked through my body, I wasn’t sure how much longer I would last this way. This constant state of panic was killing me. 

“Shh.. I’m right here.” He coos, raking his fingers through my hair. 

“I just... how much longer? I can’t do this.” 

“Any day now, baby. I’ll keep you safe.” He promises, pulling me closer into his chest.

“Are they still outside?” 

“They are. We heard you having a nightmare, so I came up.” 

The comforting circles he drew on my back were enough to slow my breathing enough to close my eyes and relax a bit. However, the nerves didn’t leave. 

I was in a constant state of worry. A constant state of guilt noticing how everyone who was protecting Bella and I were exhausted. She didn’t seem all that bothered, which only made me worse. 

I felt confused, how could you not be freaking out? How could one stay so calm? 

The only thing to do was wait. To wait until they could catch her and kill her. Hopefully that would be soon. 

“I got you.” Embry’s soft voice whispered in my ear. _____________________________ Word Count: 914 Part One  / Part Two  / Part Three  / Part Four

Expect a part three soon enough!! Even though this took me ages to come out with :/ Sorry! I hope you enjoy though :) 

[ramp-it-up]

Some Nights

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Minors DNI, Explicit language, SMUT, explicit hetero sex, same sex explicit sex (f x f), oral sex (f giving/receiving), alcohol induced sex, feeble alcohol hitting, sex under false pretenses, drinking, cheating, lying. All the relationship revenge type angst.

A/N: This is supposed to be a sweet little “breakup to make up” smut prompt ask.  My mind took this waaayyyy left and... well here it is. This is a mess of broken hearts, rebounding, and revenge sex. Please do not read if this is triggering. This is not smut lite.

Also, I know the timeline is wonky, but in this AU In the Heights does not interfere with Lin and Chris touring with FLS.

I MUST thank @einfachniemand for the invaluable advice on the Billie love scene. Could not have done it without her. 🥰

------

8 months later, March 2012

You were with Lin on the rooftop, one of your favorite low key, low cost activities, and the late March air was cool.  The moon was full, and the music from your iPod was right.  Lin-Manuel was keeping you warm in his arms and a blanket that he’d brought.

It was so romantic.  All was right with the world. You thought.

“I’m going to miss you when you are on tour, but the month will fly by and before you know it, we’ll be back up here.” 

You smiled up at him as he held you, trying to keep a brave face because  Lin was leaving in the middle of the week for Barcelona.

“Yeah… about that…” He sat up, moved away from you and cleared his throat.  Then, he looked at you. 

“I think we need to take a break.”

You weren’t sure you’d heard him correctly when he said it.  The smile on your face was frozen in place.

“What?”

“Well, I was talking to Chris...and… Well, I’m not sure that I want to shut myself off from the possibilities in Spain…”

You took a second to process, then you got it. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.  

“Chris told you to dump me so you can go be a hoe in Spain?”

Lin shook his head and frowned.  

“No, no… it wasn’t like that. Chris loves you.  He just asked me some very tough questions about us being apart for a month, and I- I don’t want to hurt you…”

You got up, and grabbed your bottle of wine.

“Might as well do it now, instead of later, hunh?” 

“I think it’s for the best. I’m sorry….”

You were numb. 

“I can’t believe I stuck by you through all the starving artist bullshit, rooftop dates instead of going out, streaming movies instead of seeing shows....”  

You stopped, because you were getting heated, and when you got heated you cried, and you refused to cry in front of Lin.

“To expect you to stick by me for four weeks while you’re in Spain is too much to ask. I guess..” 

You straightened your spine and held your head up.  

“I guess I know that this wasn’t what I thought it was.”

“Have a nice life Lin. When you leave, do not knock on my door. Just go straight to hell.”

-----

Fuck Lin Manuel Miranda

His damn hair, fucking long eyelashes, the little dimples he gets when he gets that little smirk on his fucking stupid beautiful face.

The view from beneath him. Those goddamn lips.

Mutherfukin Lin Manuel Miranda.

You’d let him charm his way into your heart and into your pants. And damn, what he had in his pants gave you so much joy. 

The fact that you were crying was not for Lin.  You were crying for being too trusting and too liberal with your heart.  

You weren’t going to let anyone have a chance to break it again. 

Yes, that was the reason. 

You didn’t miss Lin at all.

-----

Mayra gave you the long weekend to be pitiful, and then you had to get back on your grind, and moving on with your life without Lin.

Your best friend since middle school felt guilty because she’d introduced you to him, a friend of a friend, one night at a bowling alley.  

You and Lin had hit it off immediately. Very immediately, in fact, and were inseparable for a solid 8 months.

But despite feeling bad about it, Mayra wasn’t about to let you mope around and waste your life missing him. And she was right.

Lin left for Barcelona on a Wednesday, and by Saturday night, you were out with Mayra, mingling and meeting new people. 

Mayra’s scene wasn’t your scene, but everybody was nice, fun, and attractive.  You weren’t really with it, but you’d be damned if you were going to wither away in your room.

You had just finished dancing with Mayra and her friends and you needed to sit this one out. 

The 6-inch heels you were wearing and the blazer over lingerie top look was not a good combination for vigorous dancing.  

You were hot and your feet were killing you.

You nursed your drink and watched your bestie having fun, when someone approached you.

Gorgeous lips, caramel skin and stunning brown eyes sized you up. 

Why is it always the eyes? You felt something that you weren’t too sure about.

“I like the way you make that pink push up bra look intellectual.”

Curious and amused, you looked into the brown eyes and laughed.

“I’m Billie.”

She extended her hand and you shook it. You knew what kind of bar this was, but you weren’t expecting this. 

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“Oh.  I’m, I’m not…”

Billie flashed a gorgeous smile at you.

“Relax. You’re cute, but I can tell, you ain’t ready for this yet.  I just had to come say hi, though.  Drinks....As friends?”

You accepted and spent the night dying laughing at your new friend’s witticisms.

----

The next week, you were chilling with Billie at the crib, along with a bunch of other folks that Mayra had invited over.  

You were on the roof, telling her all about Lin, and you started to cry again.

“...And then he just, breaks up with me because he wants to go to Spain and fuck Spanish FLS groupies…..”

It was about the 10th time that you’d cried about it. You were tired of hearing yourself.  Billie just rubbed your back and listened. 

“I would never put up with that from a man. And you shouldn’t either.”

 When you started sobbing, she apologized. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s…... okay….”  you gasped, trying to calm down.

She hugged you, rubbing your back and pressing you close.  

You felt some kind of way and pulled back.

“Bill… I don’t want to lead you on.”

Billie just smiled that gorgeous smile. 

“It’s cool. No stress. I’m just here to listen. Let’s go back downstairs.”

You nodded and rejoined the party, feeling more comfortable with Billie than before, partly because she was giving you some space.  

You couldn’t help but sneak glances as she mingled with everyone at the party and when your eyes met. Whew.

Who knew?

----

The next week, you were in your apartment with Billie again, this time, alone.

You’d invited her over, because she was quickly becoming the person you most liked to talk to and you hadn’t really talked in person since the previous weekend.

You gave her a glass of wine and settled down onto the couch, comfortable in your tank top and sweatpants.  Not seductive at all.

Billie looked cute as always in button down blue silk shirt and jeans with her hair up. 

“I want to apologize for last week. I just vomited my emotions all over you and you were nothing but amazing about it.”

Billie laughed. She was so damn beautiful.

“I told you no worries!”

“Can I ask you a question? Why are you doing all this for me?”

Billie took a drink and set her glass down on the coffee table. She leaned back on the couch.

“Do you mean do I have any ulterior motives?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, no question that I think you are attractive, and that I would love…”  

She shook her head and straightened up.

“But, I’ve fallen for enough straight-but not so straight women to know that I should let you make the first move.”

She bit her lip and you put your wine down because it was making you warm.

You reached for and grabbed her hand. You shifted it to entwine your fingers with hers.

You kissed her palm and drew her closer to you, her hovering over you on the couch. She didn't move, forcing you to bring your neck up to kiss her lips tentatively and softly. 

You wrapped your arms around her waist and brought her body down to rest next to yours on the couch and looked into her eyes. You ran your hand down the side of her body, feeling all of her curves. And you moved to kiss her again. 

This time her soft lips opened to accept your tongue and you played hide and seek, exploring.

You pulled back to look at her again, giggling now, a smile plastered on her face. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that for two weeks,” Billie whispered in your ear before kissing your neck. 

Her fingers rubbed teasingly at the skin where your tank top had ridden up, and rotated around to your ass, fingers slipping into the back of your sweats. 

You moaned softly as she tugged your earlobe between her teeth and then kissed along your jawline.

You wanted to feel her, so you brougt your hand up her side to feel her breast over her shirt, and found it warm and soft to the touch, except for the hardening nipples that you gently played with.

Looking into her eyes, you saw the desire there and leaned over to kiss her again. She kissed you back harder, pushing her hands deeper into your sweats and cupped your ass with both hands, kneading your flesh tenderly.

You wanted her to touch you at your core, but her teasing fingers never seemed to get there. 

Next, she moved one hand from your butt to pull up your tank top, exposing your nipple to the cool air of the room.

She took your breast in her hand and squeezed it, thumb running lightly over your nipple. You moan and leaned back while putting your hands in her hair.

Billie moaned and ran her thumb over your nipple and teased them until they were achingly hard and sensitive. 

When she leaned down and kissed the top of your breast, making her way slowly, oh so slowly to your nipple, it caused your pussy to ache and throb while soaking your panties.

You groaned in frustration as she continued to tease you for a while before her mouth reached your nipple, moaning around it and sucking gently at first before picking up intensity. 

Her hand moved to the front of your pants, tracing your wet lips through your panties but applying no pressure. 

You were a moaning, quivering mess as you rocked against her fingers, trying to get what you needed.

Billie separated from you to take off her shirt, smiling at you as you shed your clothes. 

She looked over your body and brought her eyes up to yours, smiled into them, and took your face in her hands.

Next, those hands roamed down your body, circling slowly, grasping gently here and there, teasing you to a soaking wet mess on the couch cushions.

“Please!” you whispered, squirming in agony.

Billie chuckled and held your gaze as her hand finally rested in your core, lightly pinching your clit between her fingers. She just played with it as you moaned beneath her.

“I love watching you like this,” she whispered as she teased you some more. “Do you like it?”

She looked so cute as she asked, but all you can do is nod and bite your lip.

She smiled at you and lowered her head to your skin while you watched intently. She kissed and sucked at the skin on your stomach and thighs, looking up to establish eye contact again and again.

You whined and tried to keep still as she neared your core and gently opened your thighs. She looked at you for the longest time before her mouth met your pussy and finally licked through your folds.

You shuddered, already almost cuming as you waited for more.

She kept eye contact with you as she sucked your clit gently, humming while you quivered in her mouth. She then traced her tongue around your entire cunt, kissing and sucking those lips gently, but expertly.

Finally, she manipulated your clit with her tongue, and alternated that with inserting it far inside you as she could go.

When she sucked hard at it, you came, feeling like you never had before.

Somehow, you wound up on the floor in her arms. 

And the night had just begun.

 -----

May 2012

You walked home slowly from the subway, trying to think of a good reason not to get there. 

You felt like throwing up, knowing that Lin would be there on your rooftop with the rest of FLS. You did not want to face him.

It had been almost two months since you last saw him and you were having fun with Billie. She stopped you from wondering just who you were. The love you had for her was real.

But there was some reason, which you did not want to name, that caused you not to want to see Lin. 

You saw his face often enough when you awoke, in that space between dream and reality.  That was sufficient torture, aside from having to see him in person at an event that was supposed to be fun.

But Mayra had started to harass you two weeks ago.

"Come on! You've got to be there on my birthday. I’ll make sure Lin doesn't bother you, but UTK won’t come without him and I’m trying to get that D again.  I need it to survive. Don't you love me?” 

She pouted at you and when that didn’t seem to work, she resorted to outright threats. 

“I’ll never speak to you again if you don't come.”  

This continued every day until the party.

Being trapped on a rooftop with Lin for three hours wasn't your idea of fun. 

Anymore. 

And to top it off, Billie had to work tonight. This sucked big time. But you had decided to be there for your friend.

"She better know I love her, " you whispered to yourself as you stepped out on the roof.

You were greeted by Chris almost as soon as you arrived. He enveloped you in a bear hug. You stiffly hugged him back. You still felt some kinda way.

He held you away from him. 

"You look good, girl, long time no see!”

You nodded at him stiffly. “How have you been?"

"Oh, you know, promoting and stuff. The Spain trip was good."

You nodded again and looked around the roof.

“He told me he would stay away from you.”

You looked back at Chris. “Who?”

“You know who.”  You just smiled tightly and looked down.

“What’s up with you?” His voice was suspicious.

You looked up and stared him straight in the eye, not wanting to be intimidated.

“I don’t know Chris? Just maybe you told my boyfriend to break up with me so he could hoe around Europe with you guys. That was a little annoying.”

Chris raised his arms in self defense.

“Wait a minute, Missy.  I did not tell him that.  What I told him was that if he could not definitely, without a doubt, be true to you, that he needed to be straight with you. If he had any doubts at all. That you deserved better.”

You just look up at this big, sweet man and willed yourself not to cry.

“Oh.” That was all you could say.

“But maybe I shouldn’t have said anything because he fucked that whole conversation up and wound up sulking the entire trip. All of his freestyles were about you, you know.”

“I don’t care Chris, because you’re right.  He did fuck up. I’ve moved on.” You held your chin high.

Chris smiled at you. “Too bad for Lin. Your new man is a lucky guy.”

You smiled back. “My new woman is a lucky girl.”

“Oh.” That was all he could say. He recovered quickly however.  “Well, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“Thanks friend.” 

You smiled and gave him a hug, feeling better about a lot of things. Lin Manuel Miranda was a world class idiot.

You grabbed a red solo cup full of something and stood at the railing looking over the city.

"Heyyyy, what's crackin'?" 

You turned around to see Utkarsh  standing behind you. You smiled at him.

 "Hey UTK! What it do?"

"Well, give me a hug. I’ve missed you, too. Mayra won’t let me near you since we’ve been back, I don’t know why.”

You knew why. You hadn't really wanted to see any of the FLS guys since you and Lin broke up.

You hugged him. "She’s probably jealous of our love." You smiled at your friend.

“Right.” Utkarsh smiled at you. Then he frowned. 

“Wait, why would she be jealous?  She said she and I were just friends…” 

You laughed at his back as he went to find Mayra.  Well, you’d manage to wingman without even trying.  Your job should be done for the night. You turned around to leave, running right into Mayra.

"Happy birthday, Bitch!" You squealed and hugged her.

"Thank you, boo! I didn't think you would actually come! I'm so happy!"

"You mean I had a choice? I seem to remember some very specific and lethal threats if I didn't get my ass on this roof tonight."

"No, it's because you love me." Mayra made a face at you. 

"But seriously though. The roof is big enough that you don't have to be near Lin if you don't want to. Try to have a good time."

"Girl, I'm going to have a blast! As long as there is booze and music, I'm good to go." You lied to your bestie.

"Okay girl, do you want me to stay with you so no one will bother you?" 

You knew what she meant.

"No girl, I don't need a bodyguard. Have fun, mingle, be a good hostess. I'll be fine."

You pushed Mayra away from you.

You sighed and walked toward the bar. Before you made it there, you were enveloped in Shockwave and Jelly Donut. They both hugged you, making a sandwich.

"Guys, I can't breathe!" 

They released you, laughing. Shockwave got right to it.

“You know It killed Lin when you two broke up. He was a bitch in Spain."

Your heart clenched. 

"Listen, I don't want to talk about it. I'm just here to have a good time for Mayra. Can we just chill with all that?"

"Okay, okay. I had to try. I know he's an idiot, but..." Sully barreled on. Andrew started poking him in the side. 

"What???”  Andrew gave Sully a look and he was chastened.

“Sorry love. We'll let you go mingle.”

"Yes, thank you." 

You felt like getting good and drunk. You looked at your phone and saw that there were two and a half hours left of the party. Might as well start now. You downed your drink and went to get another.

You ran into Arthur. He winked at you as you apologized. 

"No worries, you better eat something if you are going to drink like that. You can't hang with the big boys like me."

You rolled your eyes and finished the second drink. 

“You’re skinnier than I am, tuh.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about when I say big boy.” 

You looked at him in shock, and then burst out laughing. You loved these guys. Too bad Lin got them in the break up.

You sighed and began working on your third drink.

--------

Lin spotted you when you first stepped on the roof. He moved out of your line of sight and watched as Chris talked to you.

Geez, you were fine as hell. The dress you were wearing was everything and the heels made your ass pop. Damn.

He went and got a drink, still watching you. He felt like a stalker. Chris came over.

"I tried to get her to talk to you, but she wasn't having it." 

They both watched you and UTK talking. 

"Man, you are an idiot. You're lucky you're my brother, or I would kick your ass for letting that go."

“Thanks, my guy.” Lin’s reply was dripping with sarcasm.

“Any time. Next time listen with your big boy brain before you do something that dumb.” 

Lin was ready to fight. Luckily, Chris left. Then UTK came up, talking shit.

"Lin, you douche! How could you be so dumb, man?” 

They watched the Jelly/Shockwave/You sandwich.

"Leave me the fuck alone." 

Lin moved to the other side of the roof where Sully came up to him.  Lin put his hands up.  

“Before you say it, I'm going to stay out of her way. I'm not trying to ruin Mayra’s party. Just about two hours to go."

“Good, because you have fucked this one up royally.” Sully shook his head as Lin stalked off.

----

After some drinks, you started to loosen up and have fun. You danced with Mayra and all of FLS minus one.

You thought you saw Lin a couple of times out of the corner of your eye, but when you looked, he was gone. Every time that happened, you went and got a drink.

By the end of the night, you were looking at the sky and trying to sober up.

"The sky is beautiful tonight."

You jumped. Lin was there, watching you. You just looked at him and started back downstairs.

"Don't leave, please. Let me talk to you."

He followed you down to your apartment.

"You said all there was to say. I'm done."

You put your arms around yourself. All of a sudden you were cold. You stared Lin down, but he didn’t budge.

"What do you want, Lin?"

He sighed. This isn't going to be easy, he thought. He looked into your beautiful eyes and decided to go for it. There was nothing left to lose.

"Honestly? I want you back." His heart was in his throat as he said it.

You closed your eyes. You couldn't go there. No matter what your heart was doing in your chest.

"No. No, you do what you did and you want me to come back? To trust you? You promised you wouldn't hurt me. I can't with you Lin, I just can't."

His heart actually hurt.

"I'm so sorry…. "

You didn't let him finish. 

"Please! Don't give me the same tired old clichés every dude gives their girl when they fuck up!"

You were far from cold now. 

"If I took you back, what's gonna happen the next time you go on tour? I am not a yo-yo Lin!"

Lin reached for you. "It's not going to happen again, I've learned...."

"Don't fucking touch me! You have some muthafuckin nerve!"

Lin kept moving toward you.

"Back the fuck up! Don't come near me! Get off of me!" 

You began hitting him when he took you in his arms.

"Tell me that you don't want me to hold you, that you don't want to be with me. Tell me you don't miss us, this. Tell me that you don't want me to and I'll leave you alone."

Lin pressed himself against you, and you stopped fighting. You melted on the inside. The alcohol had you loose. Suddenly you had a thought.

"Fuck it. You're right. I have missed you." 

You moaned as he put his lips on your neck. You wanted him so badly. 

"Let's go in here." You nodded toward your bedroom.

Lin's heart leapt and he gladly followed you.

You attacked him when you got inside. 

"Whoa, hold up...."

"No, let's do it. Don't say anything or I will change my mind." 

You turned around, pulled your dress up, got on the bed and bent over, ass in the air. 

"Fuck me, Lin. Please."

Lin was confused. One minute you were fighting him, next you were begging for it. But he wasn't going to argue. He wanted you too bad. He moved your panties to the side, took out his hard cock and quickly and roughly entered your warm, tight goodness.

The stretch hurt a little, but it was welcome. It had been a while since you had taken a cock and Lin’s was your favorite. 

You became wet rapidly, and although you wanted Lin to hurt you as a sort of penance, it felt amazing.

"Ohhh, you feel so good. Shit! I've missed this. So tight for me…” 

Lin moaned through his dick wanting to explode.  He hadn’t had anyone else since you, for about three months.

"I said don't talk!" 

You were trying to blank your mind of what you were doing.

Lin felt like right now he was in heaven, and heaven was you. Lin shut up and started giving it to you harder, just like he knew you liked. He smacked your ass, hard.

"Yes, yes, yes. Oh yes!" 

You quivered, especially when he smacked it. Forceful Lin was one of your favorite Lins. Damn. You savored the contact as Lin, all of his manhood, hit your spot. 

It felt so damn good after so much emotion and time.

To Lin, all that mattered was you right now. He fought not to come until he felt your body pounding with your orgasm.

Almost as soon as it was over, you turned around and looked at him. He looked up from buttoning up his pants and smiled. You could tell that he was thinking this was the beginning of your reunion. 

You leaned in and gave him a good, long kiss, preparing to give the greatest acting performance of your life.

"Goodbye, Lin. That was just what I needed. Have a good life."

His goddamn adorable face registered confusion.

"What? What do you mean?"

"This was closure. “

The way his face changed broke your heart.  But he’d broken yours.

Lin was stricken. "But,I love you. That's why I...."

You interrupted him. 

"It's not you, it's me. I needed that to get you out of my system. "

You looked at him coldly, a mess on the inside.

"That's not all we have. We love each other!” Lin was trying to make sense of the situation. 

“You're telling me that after this you don't want to get back together?" He couldn't believe what you were saying. 

"As far as getting back together, we're not. This didn't mean anything; I am drunk off my ass and I had a lapse in judgement. It's not going to go any further."

"But you love me, I know it." He reached for you.

You moved out of his reach and toward the door.

"I told you, I can't, I won't let my guard down again with anyone. I can't love anymore." 

Lin was looking at you with his mouth open.

You straightened your dress and left your room, ignoring the fact that Lin was calling your name. You were ready to be alone.

There, outside your door, was Billie.

-----

Tagging:  @theatrenerd86 @sebastianabucknettastan @imatyoursurrvicesurr @riiyy​ @ivycomet @sillyteecup  @ohsoverykeri  @theselilwonders  @lonelydance @jbrizzywrites @curtainremote @delaber @honeysucklechocolatedrippin​

[homoose]

Love Has a Learning Curve: Part VII (x OC)

Summary: Maggie tries to make things right, with a little push from her mama.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC

Category: hurt/comfort

Warnings/Includes: none

Word count: 5.8k

a/n: I know, I know— please just let our babies be happy ♥️ and so it was. Also, big ups to my tumblr gf @idmakeitbehave​ for being my beta the last two chapters.

Series Masterlist

———

One week. 

That’s how long it had been since their argument. Spencer had driven back to his apartment in silence, absolutely stunned by the way things had blown up. 

They’d gotten back from the case in Utah on the fifth of January, and he’d driven straight to Maggie’s, ready to give her a belated New Year’s kiss. Immediately upon entering her apartment, he knew something was wrong. Her hug was stiff, her kiss brief, her eye contact minimal. He’d spent the night, but they barely touched, and she left early for work without waking him. He’d let himself out and texted her later in the day to invite her over for dinner. 

Dinner hadn’t been any less awkward, and when he felt awkward, he knew it was bad. He finally couldn’t ignore it any longer, and he’d called it out. He had expected some resistance, but he hadn’t expected that. Maggie never spoke to him with any malice at all, even when he was actually doing something that irritated her. She was the queen of healthy communication. So for her to speak to him like that meant that the underlying issue was much, much worse than he’d originally thought.

He’d gone over their conversations a thousand times, looking desperately for the moment that it went wrong. After some deep consideration, he was certain that something had happened on New Year’s Eve. He just wasn’t sure what. Maggie was insistent that she wasn’t bothered by the declined call, but he still wished he could go back in time and answer it. He was pretty sure the seeds of their argument had sprouted in that moment, regardless of what she said.  

Spencer knew she was a creature of habit, and that sometimes she needed space to process and experience her emotions. And if he was being honest, he needed some space after the argument, too. But usually she would have at least texted him by now. 

He sighed and set down his newspaper, realizing he’d read the same page four times and hadn’t retained any of it. It was Friday, and he knew she was working. But still his fingers itched to dial her number. He picked up the phone, pressing a key to light up the screen yet again. 

No new messages. 

He dropped the phone back to the table with a little more force than was necessary. He decided he’d give her the rest of the weekend. If he didn’t hear from her by Sunday, he’d have to do something. 

…

Maggie dropped her bag on the floor inside the door and turned to lock the deadbolt. She had managed to sneak out of the building without being stopped by Anita, and she thanked the universe for small miracles. 

She didn’t want to have to explain herself. She didn’t want anyone to know what an absolute troll she’d been. Considering that Sam and Spencer had practically become attached at the hip since they’d started hanging out more, Anita was bound to ask about him. 

She showered and ordered Thai food, snuggling down on the couch to watch a movie with Roald. She settled on Dumplin’— a favorite for the body positivity, the southern drawls, and the Dolly Parton drag. 

And then she came to the argument outside of Harpy’s and lost what little emotional stability she had left. 

“Never took you for the type that cares much what people think.”

“I can’t, Bo. And that might make me a coward, but—”

“It does. Willowdean Dixon, I think you’re beautiful. To hell with anyone who’s ever made you feel less than that.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until Roald meowed in distress. She choked out a sob and stroked over his ears, closing her eyes in defeat. “I really fucked this up, huh?”

It had only been one week, but it felt like years since Spencer walked out of her apartment. She’d stayed in bed for the entire weekend, crying on and off. She knew she had no one to blame but herself. Owen had knocked over the first domino, but she’d done nothing to stop the rest from falling. 

Spencer had done everything right. He’d done everything she asked, and she’d thrown it all back in his face. He had made the comparison to Mitchell Park, and he was absolutely right. She’d done the exact same thing, only she had almost a year’s worth of ammunition, and she cut a hell of a lot deeper. 

Roald nuzzled against her, but she nudged him away— she didn’t even deserve the comfort. Instead, she fumbled in the couch cushions for her phone, swiping open the screen and tapping her favorites list, thumb hovering over Spencer’s name. Then she tapped on the name right above it and blew out a breath. 

The line connected and rang three times before she picked up. “Hey, sugar! Your ears must be ringin’, ‘cause I was just thinkin’ about callin’ you.”

“Hey, mama,” Maggie breathed. 

Her mother’s tone changed from chipper to concerned in an instant. “What’s wrong, baby?” 

She leaned forward to the coffee table to grab Spencer’s scarf— somehow left behind in her apartment— rubbing it between her fingers. “I— I really messed up.” 

“Oh, Lord. You need bail money?”

Despite herself, Maggie laughed wetly. “Oh my god, mama. No, I don’t need bail money.”

“Well, if you made bail it can’t be that bad,” Rose insisted. 

“I didn’t— I’m not in jail, for Christ’s sake.” Maggie ran a hand over her face. “I messed things up with Spencer.”

“Well, we can fix that,” Rose responded matter of factly. “What happened?”

“We were fighting, and I said some really, really awful things,” Maggie admitted, tears spilling over her lash line. 

Rose scoffed. “Honey, I say awful things to your father all the time, and we’ve been married almost forty years.”

Maggie heaved a long sigh. “Not like this, mama.” 

Her mother hummed in consideration. “Well, what were y’all fightin’ about?”

“It’s complicated,” Maggie hedged, toying with the fringe of the scarf. 

Rose clicked her tongue. “Do ya want my help or not?” 

Maggie dropped her head back against the couch. “I ran into Owen on New Year’s Eve—”

“Well, I hope you told him to stick it where the sun don’t shine,” Rose practically growled. 

Maggie closed her eyes as the tears tracked hot down her cheeks. “I didn’t. I— I let him get under my skin, and then I didn’t want to tell Spencer about it because it’s embarrassing, but he knew something was wrong, and he wouldn’t stop asking about it.” She had to pause and suck in a hiccuping breath, releasing it on a sob. “So I yelled at him and said all kinds of terrible things, and then he left, and now I think maybe we broke up, and I’ve literally never been so sad in my whole life.” 

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, and then she heard Rose sniffling. “Really shoulda had your brothers knock the mess out of that son of bitch when we had the chance. He's been gone five years, and he’s still hurtin’ you every chance he gets.”

Maggie swiped uselessly at the tear tracks on her cheeks, sniffling pathetically. “And now I hurt the person who’s spent the last year singlehandedly undoing all of his awful handiwork.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Rose cooed. Maggie could hear the creak of the floorboards as her mother walked through her childhood home. “You said he knew somethin’ was wrong, right? I can almost guarantee that he’s still just wonderin’ what’s goin’ on. I know he’s supposed to be a genius, but he’s still a man. And men are dumb, sugar. You gotta spell it out for ‘em. Have you talked to him since?”

“No.” Fresh tears spilled over Maggie’s lashes as the thoughts that had kept her from calling him spilled out of her mouth. “What if it was too far? What if I ruined everything? What if he never wants to speak to me again?”

Ross heaved out a long breath. “That’s a lot of what ifs, Maggie Mae.”

“What if I’m right?” she whispered. 

“And what if you’re not?” Rose countered. “That boy loves you. Anyone could see that, clear as day. He’d do just about anything for you.” Rose paused, and Maggie heard the springs of the bed squeak as she sat. “But you gotta let him, sweetheart. Right now you’re takin’ away his chance to do that. You’re makin’ the decision for him.” 

Maggie listened as her mother’s advice crackled over the line, and for the first time in a week, she felt a tiny sliver of hope. 

“If he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you need to let him tell you that. Don’t settle for a what if. Find out for sure, or you're gonna spend the rest of your life worryin’ and wonderin’, sugar.” 

…

That evening found Spencer in his usual spot on the couch, reclined against the arm with a book in hand. He’d promised himself he’d give Maggie the weekend to herself— that he’d let her come to him. That didn’t stop him from checking his phone obsessively; it never buzzed with any new calls or messages, but he still looked every seven minutes. 

The sound of the buzzer jolted his body to attention. He checked his watch and drew his brows together before closing his book and scrambling to cross to the intercom, a tiny seed of hope beginning to germinate. He pressed the button to talk, calling, “Yes?” into the speaker box and then listening for the response. 

“Hi.”

Her voice was so quiet that he could barely hear it over the crackle of the speaker. He buzzed her in without hesitation, crossing to the door and opening it immediately. She made her way slowly up the stairs, turning at the top of the landing and pausing.

His heart broke at the sight of her. She looked utterly exhausted, dressed in black sweatpants and a soft purple sweater, a black puffer jacket over top. She was holding his scarf, wringing it in between her hands. Her eyes were ringed red, and the bags under them were worse than his. 

He watched as she crossed the landing, coming to stand quietly in front of him. He’d known something was wrong, but the way she looked now made him wonder just how long she’d been battling whatever private demons she wouldn’t let him in on. 

“I, um.” She cleared her throat, and it was clear she’d been crying from the thickness of her voice. “I have a lot to say— again. But since I was such an asshole, I wanted to give you the opportunity to say anything you need to say first.” 

He’d imagined this conversation countless times over the last week, and never once had he thought it would start like this. “Um. Well. You— you really hurt me.”

She could barely look at him. “I know.”

He swallowed. “Please don’t do that again.” 

She shook her head, finally meeting his eyes. “I won’t. I won’t ever again.”

Spencer tucked his hands into the pockets of his lounge pants. “I know I may not be the best at social cues, but I’m a pretty good profiler. And I can tell when something’s wrong.” He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t have to tell me everything. I’m just asking you to tell me when I do something that makes you upset.”

“You— you didn’t do anything wrong. I—” He watched her squeeze her eyes shut. “God, I’m so sorry, Spencer. I’m just— I’m sorry for so many things. For lying about being fine, for being up on my high horse about communicating and then not actually doing it, for being an absolute bitch.”

He wanted to argue— she wasn’t a bitch— but he could tell she was far from done. 

“I— I thought therapy was supposed to teach me how to talk about things, but this still feels… impossible to say out loud,” she admitted, fingers fumbling with the fabric of the scarf. “It’s embarrassing and ridiculous. But I— I have deep-seated insecurities. That I’m not really that smart or interesting or particularly special.” 

He thought back to that night in Mitchell Park and felt the guilt all over again. He’d practically said those exact words to her— it was no wonder she was feeling this way. 

“And every person that I’ve ever been with has— really reinforced those ideas, so for a long time they were just… a set part of my self-image,” she explained, dragging a hand over her messy hair. “I thought— I thought that I was over it, but I— I don’t know. Maybe you never really are.”

His brain sorted through every moment of their year together, pinging off the countless examples of her self-doubt and insecurity. She was easily the most wonderful person he knew, but he could clearly see the cracks in the facade if he looked close enough. How had he missed it for so long? 

“And then I met you, and you…” Maggie let out a wry laugh. “You’re easily the most interesting person I’ve ever met, but you made me feel like… I don’t know, like I’m interesting, too. Like I’m worthy of being with you, like I’m— like I’m good enough.”

He felt his heart splintering into a thousand tiny shards— good enough? 

“But I can’t— I still have a hard time believing it sometimes. And I— I’ve been letting myself keep you at arms length. Letting you see parts of me, but… never giving you everything,” she admitted. 

He watched her struggle to get the words out, her voice thick with the act of holding back sobs. He hadn’t realized she was carrying all of this. She was so good at supporting him and loving him through all of his trauma and issues, he hadn’t stopped to consider just how much she needed him, too. 

She continued, “It’s why I took so long to say I love you… why I couldn’t talk to you last week. Because I just—” She shrugged as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to realize that I’m really nothing special. That you’re getting bored, or there’s someone who’s a better fit for you, or one million other things. That I’m needy, and annoying, and too much work.”

A fresh tear tracked down her cheek, and he felt his own eyes filling. She never failed to put a stop to his own insecurities— reminding him that she liked his rambling, that he wasn’t irritating, that he was just the right amount. In his eyes, she was perfect. He would have never guessed she felt this way about herself. 

She continued, “That’s what happened before, and none of those guys were even half as wonderful as you are.” She swiped a hand haphazardly over her cheeks, looking at him sheepishly. “And then I was hurtful and awful, and I realized that I was just creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and I don’t— I don’t want to do that.” 

Her hand shook a little as she brought it back down to twist in his scarf. “Because it’s never— I’ve never felt like this. I've never been this happy with anyone else, and I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to give you up. Even if sometimes I feel like I’ll never be enough.”

Her voice cracked on a stifled cry, and his chest physically ached. “And if you never want to see me again, I completely understand, and I’ll leave you alone, but I— I’m just so sorry. And I love you so much, and I’m trying so hard to be better.” She sucked in a ragged breath and let it out on an exhausted sigh. “And that’s, um— that’s it. If you want me to go, I—”

“I don’t want you to go,” he interrupted.

Her eyes went wide. “You don’t?”

“Of course not.” Spencer stepped forward and reached for her. “Of course not. C’mere.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, she was tumbling into his arms with a choked off sob. He pulled her inside and closed the door behind them, walking her to the couch and sitting them both down. She clung to him like she was afraid he’d disappear into thin air. 

“Maggie, I’m right here,” he assured her. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But if you n-need space, I understand,” she sobbed. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need space. I think a week was long enough, don’t you?” he asked, pressing a kiss into her hair. 

She pulled back out of the hug, head down. “But I really hurt you.” 

He held her hand. “Yeah. And I really hurt you, too.”

She huffed out a breath. “That’s not how this works. I don’t get to hurt you just because you hurt me.”

“I know that.” He almost laughed at how indignant she sounded. “I’m not saying that we should hurt each other. I’m saying that sometimes it happens. And when it does, we apologize, and we forgive, and we move forward. And it’s okay if you need space. But I don’t.”

“What if you change your mind?” she whispered. 

“Then I promise I’ll tell you.” Spencer tilted her chin up so he could meet her eyes. “I promise I’ll tell you what I need, as long as you tell me, too. We’ve gotta use all those communication skills we learn in therapy.”

Maggie nodded, and he pulled her into another hug. He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. “If I hadn’t heard from you by Sunday, I was planning to bother you until you talked to me.”

He could feel the beginning of a smile turning up the corner of her mouth where it was pressed to his shoulder. “You never bother me,” she mumbled. She held him for a moment longer and then released him from the hug and sat back, fidgeting with her hands and letting out a breath. 

“Sometimes I need to be told that my worst fears about myself aren’t true,” she admitted. “I know that’s so annoying, but—”

“It’s not annoying,” he interrupted, putting an immediate stop to that line of thought. “Telling you how amazing you are isn’t the chore that you think it is. I’m sorry that anyone ever convinced you that it was.” 

He covered her hands with his own, rubbing his thumbs softly along her skin. He couldn’t stop thinking about her dealing with all of this by herself. He hated that she’d ever felt anything less than adored. More than anything, he hated that he hadn’t been able to help her through it. And he wanted to make sure that he never made that mistake again. 

“A wise man told me once... that love is helping someone navigate their storms,” he murmured, squeezing her hand. She looked at him then, and he continued, “You’ve been my lighthouse for a long time, Maggie. And I— I’m trying desperately to be yours… But you have to let me.”

Her eyes filled with fresh tears, but she nodded. He let out a long breath and pulled her hands into his lap. “I understand that sometimes you need space, and that’s fine. I’m happy to give you whatever you need.” 

He shook his head. “Just— please don’t try to weather the storm by yourself. You can’t do it all alone; no one can.” He smiled ruefully. “I can tell you from experience that’s pretty much a guaranteed way to capsize your boat.”

His voice cracked a little at the end, and he felt a tear slip over his lash line. “I’ll help you repair your boat, or build a new one, or you can just float on mine for a while. It’s not perfect but it’s pretty sturdy, I think.”

She brought her fingers up to brush at his damp cheeks, and he met her eyes.  “What I’m not going to do is let you float out on the ocean by yourself. I love you too much.” 

She was quiet for a long moment, sniffling a little and just watching him— almost like she couldn’t believe he was there. She brought her hand back to his and laced their fingers together, rubbing her thumb along his. “I love you the most.”

“Agree to disagree.” He gave her a small smile and leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead. “Want some tea?”

She was frowning when he pulled back, her brows drawn together. “I need to tell you about Owen.”

The conversation he’d had with Anita was suddenly on replay in Spencer’s head. 

… a real piece of shit… telling her lies about herself… isolating her… destroying her from the inside out...

He squeezed her hand. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. You don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to.” 

She shook her head. “Talking about him takes away his power. I have to stop letting him have so much sway over my emotions.” She looked at him then. “I do things I regret and hurt people I love.” 

He brought their joined hands up his lips. “Well, I’m here either way. And I’m still going to make you some tea.” 

He stood and pulled her up with him, bringing her into the kitchen and refusing to let go of her hand. He filled the kettle and turned it on, found a bag of her favorite tea and ripped it open with his teeth. He dropped the bag into her favorite mug, and then made a mug up for himself. 

“You know, it’d be a lot easier if you’d let go,” she said, the hint of a smile in her voice. 

“Mhm,” he agreed, but he made no move to release her hand. In fact, once he’d fumbled a spoonful of honey into each of the cups, he dropped the spoon into her mug and turned to pull her into another hug. He hooked his chin over her shoulder and closed his eyes as she brought her arms around his waist. “I missed you,” he whispered. 

She squeezed him tight. “I missed you, too. I’m so sorry.”

She buried her face in his neck, and he felt her breathe him in. He pressed a kiss into her shoulder and then settled his chin again. “Apology accepted, in case it wasn’t clear.”

They stood like that until the kettle began to whistle, and then Spencer kept her tucked underneath his arm as he turned to shut it off and pour the water into the mugs. They each grabbed a mug, making their way back to the couch and setting them on the coffee table to steep. Spencer kept their fingers intertwined and stayed quiet, letting her set the pace of the conversation. 

Maggie took a deep breath and let it out on a long sigh. “I guess I should start at the beginning. I, um— I had my first boyfriend in high-school: Cal Cunningham. He was older and cooler, and so I felt— I don’t know… special when he picked me.” She rolled her eyes. “In reality, he was rude, and arrogant, and kind of a misogynist. We didn’t date for very long, but it kind of… set me up on this path of dating guys who weren’t very nice.”

Spencer ran his thumb soothingly along hers, waiting for her to continue. “When I started college, I dated this guy Adam for a few months. He was nice enough but really self-centered and a little immature. When we broke up I just wanted to be on my own for a while.”

“I was single for two years after that, just kind of… finding myself and whatever.” Her eyes watched the path his thumb traced along her skin. “So when I started dating Owen at the end of junior year, it felt like my first real relationship. Like— we were both adults, and he dressed up for our dates, and he paid for things and bought me flowers and fit all the cliches.”

“And it was great at first,” she admitted. “We had a lot of the same friends, so we’d been hanging out for a while before we got together. He was a perfect gentleman, and he was smart, accomplished, and ambitious. I fell fast and I fell hard, and we were sort of— it feels so stupid to say this, but it felt like we were an it couple. 

“A few of us made plans to move to DC after graduation— my friend Jess and her boyfriend Chris, Sam and Anita,” she explained. “And Owen and I, obviously. We moved in together in an apartment downtown. And that’s when everything changed.”

She drew her brows together. “It was little things at first. Like he’d jokingly call me stupid for forgetting something, or he’d complain about one of my friends being annoying. But it snowballed pretty quickly. He’d tell me I was stupid, and he wasn’t joking. All of my friends irritated him to the point where we couldn’t hang out anymore— even our former mutual friends. He thought that teaching kindergarten was a mindless, pointless job.”

Spencer tried to keep his heart rate steady, his facial expressions neutral, but his blood pressure was on the rise. No one deserved to be spoken to like that, least of all Maggie. 

She continued, “We spent the holidays at my parents’ the second year we were dating, and he spent the entire car ride home explaining, in detail, how ridiculous and low-class he thought everything was.” 

She shook her head and rubbed her free hand over her face. “I know it’s insane to think that I stayed with him for so long, but I— he did a really good job of convincing me that I was— that I was nothing. That he was doing me a favor by loving me. That he could have anyone, but he chose me. No one else was going to, so I should be grateful.”

He balled his free hand into a fist to avoid squeezing her to death. When Anita had said Owen was a piece of shit… he hadn’t realized just how deeply she meant it.

She picked at the fabric of her sweatpants, staring intently at the tiny pills. “When someone says all of that to you on a daily basis, and you’re not hearing otherwise from anyone else— because no one knew what was going on… you start to believe it.”

Spencer relaxed his fist to bring his fingers up to her face, gently cupping her cheek. She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes for a long moment. He didn’t know what to say. Instead, he pressed his lips to her forehead in a voiceless assurance that she was, in fact, everything. He felt her relax under the warm pressure of his lips, and he hoped that was enough for now. 

He sat back to let her continue. “We were together for five years, and we only broke up because he cheated on me. It was a long term affair; they were sleeping together for almost a year before I found out. And… a lot of people knew. Almost all of his friends knew. But I didn’t. I was still being this ridiculous, desperate little Suzy Homemaker trying to make him happy, even though he was still treating me like shit.”

She laughed, but there wasn’t an ounce of humor in it. “When I found out, I wasn’t even hurt. I was… embarrassed, I guess. But I was so relieved. I was so fucking relieved that I had a way out.”

He watched as her shoulders settled, almost like an actual weight had been lifted off of them. “I got a therapist and dropped all of the friends that were still hanging around with him. I moved to a new neighborhood, started hanging out with Anita and Sam, and just— started fresh. And I was doing really well. I had my moments of insecurity here and there, but for the most part, I was been able to recognize the moments when I was falling back into old thought patterns.”

She looked at him then, and her eyes were so soft and lovely that his heart ached. “You’re a big reason for that. You’re so open with how you feel about me, and… it makes things a lot easier.” She dropped her gaze with a sigh. “But I— he was at the party on New Year's. And I didn’t know he was going to be there until I was already there, and then it felt stupid to leave. I thought I could handle it—”

“And then I didn’t answer your call.”

“No, no.” She shook her head and reached her free hand out to grasp his arm. “That’s— Spencer, none of this is your fault.” She furrowed her brow, and the crease between them was practically an abyss. “He sort of— cornered me on the patio. I hadn’t seen him in like, four years? And he was complimenting me, and asking about you, and then he tried to— well, he did kiss me actually. I shoved him off, and he didn’t like that, and he did his whole Owen thing. Told me that he’d cheated because I was uninteresting and worthless. That eventually you’d get bored of me, too. Just, um— generally awful shit.”

She took a deep breath, and the rest steamrolled off her tongue and crushed his heart. “And then he just— left. And he’d absolutely demolished my self-image in less than ten minutes, and I was embarrassed and angry at myself, and then you didn’t answer, but I was kind of glad you didn’t because I didn’t actually want to talk about it. And I thought I could just move on, but then I was being weird, and you knew something was wrong. And I just wanted to pretend like it never happened, but you kept pressing me on it, and I just— I didn’t want to have to explain it all to you because I was afraid that— that maybe he was right.”

Maggie dissolved back into the couch, an indication of the emotional exhaustion that came with reliving personal trauma. Spencer moved closer and mirrored the position of her body against the cushions, bringing his face close enough to bump their noses together. They breathed the same air for one noiseless minute before she finally met his eyes.

“I need you to understand that not one single thing he said to you— on New Year’s or ever— was right, in either sense of the word. None of it was factual, and none of it was acceptable.” 

She nodded, and he continued, “You are the single best person that I know. You’re kind, brilliant, talented, and driven. You’re interesting, and wonderful, and lovely. You’re my absolute favorite person on the planet, and I will never get bored of you.” 

He let his eyes trace over all the angles and curves of her face, and then raised his eyebrows. “He’s lucky that I respect you enough not to go over your head, because what I’d like to do is run a full background check, find any and every possible transgression that could be legally investigated, and then use that information to ruin his life.” He tilted his head in thought. “That or— get really jacked and then beat the shit out of him.” 

“God, please don’t. As much as I’d love to watch that unfold,” she cupped his face in her hand, “you’re better than that. And he’s not worth either of our energies… I already wasted enough time dwelling on it and hurt you in the process.” She dropped her hand back to her lap with a sigh. “I spent so much time in that relationship that my brain didn’t know what to do with this good, healthy one.”

He took both of her hands in his, squeezing them tight and then pressing a kiss to the back of each. He wouldn’t commit assault, since she’d asked him not to. But he wasn’t going to let Owen taint any part of his life with Maggie. 

“I’m so sorry that someone you loved made you think it was hard to love you. Because loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” He pressed his lips together and mused, “But I think maybe love has a learning curve. Especially when you’re used to being hurt. You have to unlearn all the bullshit. People will have you thinking that you have to water yourself down, or change who you are, or make yourself more palatable. I thought that, too.” 

He brushed her hair back away from her face and waited for her to meet his eyes. “And then I met you. And you love all of it— all of me. All the rambling, all the quirks, and— even the dark parts, too.” 

She sniffled a little, but really smiled for the first time that night. “What’s not to love about you?”

He smiled back. “I’m not sure if you realize that I fully reciprocate that feeling. What’s not to love about you? I have a hard time thinking of even one thing about you that I don’t absolutely adore.”

“Even when I act like a horrid bitch?” she mumbled, only half joking.

He leaned his head against the couch cushion. “A year ago, you stood on my doorstep and gave me forgiveness— after I’d been a complete asshole to you…  I told you then that I wanted to learn how to love with you. I still do. In all the wonderful, and the weird, and the terrible. Even when we get it wrong.”

He shrugged, and then ran a soft fingertip down the bridge of her nose. “There is no one else I’d rather get it wrong with. Because when we get it right… it’s the closest I’ve ever felt to magic.”

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and she brought both hands up to his face, holding him with an adoration that made his own eyes burn. “You can believe that you love me the most,” she whispered, “but just know that you’re wrong.” 

He leaned forward to close the distance between them, pressing a kiss to her lips with a reverence that felt technicolor and devout and more magical than any trick he’d ever mastered. 

“Agree to disagree.”

———

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[alldayangst]

100 letters, just for me (Tom Holland)

All of my fics are LGBT and PoC friendly. PAIRING: uni (fuckboy/frat) Tom x uni reader. Summary: ‘You wrote a hundred letters just for me / And I find them in my closet in the pockets of my jeans / Now I’m constantly reminded me of the time I was nineteen / Every single ones forgotten in a laundromat machine’.

“Walk of shame?” your friend, Camren, sat in the lounge, TV on low as Tom walked with his clothes carelessly thrown on his body, recovered hoodies and jumpers you previously stole sat in a pile as high as mountains in his hands, leading Camren to wonder whether or not it was really the end this time round. “Third time this week!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t be back anytime soon.” Tom slams the door behind him as hard as he could, and just when Camren thinks they can get a moment of peace, they hear a screeching sob rip through the air through the walls of your room. And Camren swears they live in a movie; a scratched CD of a bad romantic drama, that replays the part where the lovers face their problems over and over again.

‘My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it’

You remembered the start of this debacle like it was yesterday. You and Tom were in the bathtub and Tom told you to reach inside the back pocket of your jeans, he’d left something important in there. “I’m not ready to get married, if you left a ring in there. I’m only 19.” Tom kissed your shoulder, back cold and pressed against the tub - but he’d been willing to compromise to be the crutch you leaned against, to be the haven you found refuge in. To be the hill you died on.

“It better not be a ring, Holland. I swear.”

“I’ve never met someone who didn’t want to get proposed to as much as you.” He laid his chin against your shoulder once your search become successful, and you found a strip of paper in your trouser back pocket.

“My mouth hasn’t shut up about you, since you kissed it.” You turned to Tom who could only see your face in the corner of his eye, having found a new living situation of the warm, wet slope previously called your shoulder. “Tom, what is this?”

“100 letters, just for you. You’ll find them in every pair of your jeans. I’m with you forever.” He wrapped his arms around your waist and press a hard, loving kiss on your lips, causing you to drop the tiny piece upon which Tom scribbled his message. “Just for me? You stole this from a love letter by Alex Turner to Alexa Chung!” Tom couldn’t take his love-hazed gaze off of you, and kissed you again like he was oblivious to the words you were saying or you were speaking a foreign language he didn’t understand. “You don’t stop complaining, do you?”

Six months later marked the end of yours and Tom’s gap year, and you decided to move in together off campus.

“I can’t find it.” Tom smiled as he shook his head, your orange in his hand as he sat on a stool opposite your lunchbox. He knew you had a presentation that day and was eager to impress, so you’d shoved your most sensible pair of slacks in the washing machine without a care and when Tom went to unload it, his note for you torn into tiny pieces and covered in botched ink slithered out and caplunked into a minuscule puddle on your wooden floor.

“I’m serious, you didn’t write one this time.” You rummaged through your blazer pockets just to check for certain you were right before you turned to Tom with every bit of confidence that he’d truly forgotten to write you a little love letter this time around.

Tom placed the orange back into the fruit basket and opted for a tomato instead. He took note of the shock in your face and the wince you made as he juggled it, and it drew dangerously close to the ground. “Tom, don’t juggle that. If it hits the ground, it will splatter everywhere.” Tom giggled. 

“Have you checked your slacks?”

“You think I haven’t checked my trousers?” You turned your trouser pockets inside out with the flare of pride.”You’ve forgotten. It’s OK, Tom.”

You opened your lunchbox to place your orange in, but a piece of red card occupied the compartment usually owed to your snacks. 

You held the card up: “I love you from my head tomatoes.” Tom chuckled cheekily, not watching as the tomato rolled off the counter and depicted a large, red splatter on the kitchen floor. But Tom promised he would clean it up.

Tom didn’t forget about writing one love letter, until he did. And by that point, his letters had felt almost as autonomous as the days of the week. You didn’t even have to think about it, they just went by. So you’d be raking through every end of the house, expecting to find his letter.

“Tom, where’s the letter?”

“Huh? I don’t know.” Tom locked the door as if he’d been chased by wolves, looking up and down through the peephole and then giving a satisfied lick of the lip.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” 

“As in, I don’t know - you’d have to look for it darling.”

Little did he know that’s what you spent your whole day doing. And you hadn’t found anyone with sharper eyes or a bigger will to find it for you.

You didn’t find the note that night. You didn’t know there wasn’t any.

“I found one! ‘You’re my happy place’.” Huh. Tom hadn’t written a new one in a while. He must have put a note in both of the pockets in this pair of jeans. These jeans had been tossed aside, barely worn, in fact - never worn since you’d tried them out in the dressing room at the store two months ago. You were in awe of how young love could take you so far, and kissed the tired Tom that laid beside you. You pulled back and caressed his cheek.

“Why didn’t you kiss back?” You asked, too drunk on ignorant bliss to acknowledge the warning signs and the parade of red flags that told you to leave before you got truly hurt. “M’ just tired.” And it showed. His hair was matted, clad to his face, a few shades darker that it usually was due to all the sweat. He took in every breath like he’d never breathed before and kept watering at the eye; the kind of cry you did when even the fatigue wouldn’t let you sleep. 

It was inevitable. Three months later, you and Tom broke up. You were freshly twenty, and freshly out of a relationship. Tom moved out of your shared apartment, and you found yourself trying to navigate university with a compass that seemed to only point South. You never had to have friends here before, because you had Tom. It was out of sheer luck that you stumbled upon Camren who not only shared your soul and your mind, but agreed to share your home. Tom Holland quickly became synonymous with London nightlife and out of reluctance to let you go (call it withdrawal symptoms), requested that you continue to see each other as long as romance was left out of the equation. You’d happily obliged and incessantly kept a cobweb-covered carousel going years after it stopped being the main attraction. On the nights you left with Tom, Camren was tossed aside, forgotten like coat in a cloakroom, so it was only fair game that they’d tease and whine at you when Tom left in the morning. If Tom left in the morning.

Tom was ravenous, and you ended up on Camren’s nest of a sofa. “I love the bones off you.” he muttered, and Tom was perhaps too keen to grab a handful of your backside, he docked both hands into both your pockets, fingernails scrambling at little torn pieces of paper. His heart went into panic mode. He squirmed to get out. The piece of paper landed beside you as he forcefully yanked his hands out, feeling like a prisoner freed to a world that was only half of what it was before.

‘I’d be a crazy, blind man to ever leave you.’

The room fell silent. Maybe with Camren’s TV on low, you didn’t have the space to have these moments. To stop indulging in the highs of life and really examine why the lows were the lows.

“Tom. I’m demanding honesty.”

Tom sighs. He’s so different these days, so cold. He unentangles your bodies and huffs and puffs like a little kid who hasn’t gotten their way. This, before you’d even said anything. You don’t know if you can deal with this white noise. 

“I just want to know why we broke up.”

Tom chooses to look at the artwork opposite the couch, because his safe place is no longer his safe place. Because now that you’re demanding honesty, instead of taking it when it comes, his happy place becomes his vulnerable. Tom didn’t like to be vulnerable. It’s why he ended things in the first place.

“Well, we’re in uni..” Tom’s not sure if he wants to continue. He can feel the spotlight on him, you looking at him. He’s center stage but not one for attention. He’s suddenly painfully aware of the fragility of his answer, and worries it will go ‘splat!’ and make like a tomato, and then you’ll really never speak to him again. He furrows his brows as he looks down into his lap, twiddling and pulling at his fingers as if they had the answer (they used to) before he says it in the best way he knows how, your eyes boring into him. “We’re at uni, and there’s so many beautiful women and handsome men, and mighty attractive human beings walking around here, and it’s hard to believe one person you met at a stupid age could compare to the pool of people that are here.”

And how it sounds in Tom’s head, how he meant it is so much better to the way it sounds and means to you. Because words like ‘compare’ and ‘pool of people’ highlight how insignificant and worthless Tom felt he was to you. He felt he communicated how he insecure he was feeling. To you? Words like ‘comapre’ only shine a torch on your own insecurities and phrases like ‘pool of people’ makes you contemplate whether Tom was ever unfaithful, and it made you feel insignificant, worthless. 

“So, I’m definitely not the only person in your life right now.” Tom looks up and before he can say anything- “I’m not something you can butter up and taste when you get bored.”

“Y/N.” Tom starts. “That would never be the way I could see you.”

“I’d like you to leave, Tom.”

And leave he does.

Two weeks later, you and Camren found yourself in a predicament. “Can you get it out?” Camren had their hand down the drain of your bathtub. Cautiously, they launched two fingers in. “Can you get it out?” You asked again, nibbling lightly on the tip of your nails out of nervousness.

“Honestly, it doesn’t feel that big.” Camren stops their search after hooking their finger around the culprit of which blocked your plughole. “It’s a piece of fucking paper.” Camren sighs a breath of relief. “My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it.”

You breathe in.

Credit for the gif goes to: /dreamyyholland

Masterlist

Upcoming Works

[koutarousangel]

━ hometown glory.

prompt : you were incredibly nervous to return home, especially since you knew that he’d returned home too. loosely inspired by this.

genre : angst to fluff

warnings : i mean at this point i can put swearing as a warning every time cause they’re apart of my everyday vocabulary lmao.

music suggestion : hometown glory - adele, happiest year - jaymes young, from the dining table - harry styles.

author’s note : @asdfghjkl7things​​ thank you so much for your support and your request ! i hope you like it !

you and hajime started dating during your third year in high school.

it was a surprise to practically everyone who knew you two, but the both of you had promised each other that you’d keep it on the down low as you were getting to know each other. mostly bc the two of you had friends that never knew how to shut up.

and what you had between you wasn’t really anyone else’s business.

you’d comforted him when they’d lost to karasuno, telling him that it wasn’t his fault and that he’d done all that he could, and you told him that if he wanted to, he could play volleyball again, or do whatever he wanted.

he’d consoled you when you failed the one exam that you needed to pass to go to the university of your dreams and he encouraged you to take the make-up exam, studying with you and making sure you were more than prepared.

you were each other’s rock and you genuinely thought that you were going to last.

until you got into an argument which turned into a full-blown fight bc the two of you were moving away from each other to study your respective courses.

you were scared of long-distance bc you didn’t want to hold iwa back, iwa tried telling you that you could make it work, but as you insisted, he accused you of never really loving him and that you were just finding a way out.

ouch.

four years later, the both of you were college graduates, and something drew you both back to japan.

walking through your hometown felt strange. it was familiar, heartwarming, but at the same time it felt as if you were a tourist, discovering everything for the first time. it had been a while since you’d walked through the streets of miyagi, having gotten used to the streets of london so much that the peace and quiet was almost far too loud. you’d thought about it, staying in london and finding a job there, settling with a brand new life but part of you missed japan so much, your family, your friends … him.

“you know,” your friend looked at you pointedly as she wiped a vegetable piece away from the corner of her mouth, “he’s back in japan, right?” it was almost as if she was fighting a smirk.

a sigh left your lips as you shook your head a little bit, “i know… he posted something on instagram,” the subtle confession that you still followed him on social media came out as a grumble, because you knew that your friend would make it her priority to never let you live it down. which was why you’d never told her that you’d accidentally liked one of his posts.

her eyes widened to the size of saucers and she practically choked on her drink, batting at your upper arm, “you sly fox you, so you do follow him!” you halted her frantic movements by grabbing her wrist.

“i do, which is also how i know that he has a girlfriend,” it was almost comical, how your friend practically deflated at your comment, scowl growing on her face, “it’s been four years, it was bound to happen.”

still, seeing him with his arm around her shoulders made your heart ache and you had angrily swiped away at the tears that spilled down your cheeks, because it was your fault. keeping him back had never been your intention and that’s what you felt you would have done had you remained in a relationship together. all that distance, the drastic time difference, attending separate colleges full of new experiences. you wanted hajime to have the world.

it was almost as if fate was trying to play some sort of cruel trick on you, because as your mind raced with thoughts of your old high school boyfriend, you felt yourself collide with someone and as soon as you heard your name being uttered by the person in question, you swore your heart wanted to jump out of your chest.

“hajime…” his name tumbled out of your mouth in what practically could be constituted as a breathless gasp, as if seeing his face in person after four years had completely winded you.

the man in question took a slight step back, taking a good look at you, almost making sure that you were really in front of him, and not his imagination toying with him. “small world,” was his only comment as he scratched the back of his head, awkwardness settling between you two as you wrapped your arms around yourself, the chill in the air suddenly very prominent.

“would you like to get some-” “i was going to go get some” the both of you spoke at the same time, nervous words overlapping each other. “coffee…” a smile as your shared thoughts fell together in perfect harmony, as if nothing had changed.

you had walked to the coffee shop in silence, questions of why you’d agreed to get coffee with your ex racing through your mind but the reason was simple … you didn’t want to walk away from him, not yet at least. sneaking glances at him while he grabbed your coffees made your heart thump faster than it had in a while, reminiscent of the first time you’d went on a date together.

there was a slight fear that it would be far too awkward to handle, but the two of you fell into a comfortable conversation, telling stories of your college days, how you’d gotten so drunk one time that you ended up stealing a plant and taking it back to your dorm, or how he’d once gotten so hungry during a late study session that he and his friends went to a mcdonalds drive through, even though they didn’t have a car.

you laughed until your face hurt, and you hadn’t realised, but the two of you had instinctively gotten closer to each other, and his arm had ended up wrapped around your chair, you leaned over and shoved him whenever he said something to tease you.

it was as if these four years apart never happened.

as your shared laughter died down and you finished off your drink, iwaizumi looked down at his lap and shook his head slightly, chuckling to himself and making you smile softly, “what?” you questioned, poking his shoulder.

“it’s still you, you know?” he looked up at you, eyes locking with yours as he gave a slight shrug of his shoulders, “the person i see by my side at the end of the day.”

his words hit you like a punch to the gut and you almost forgot how to breathe. you cringed, nose burning as tears tickled the corners of your eyes as you pushed your chair back, standing up and grabbing your belongings, holding them close to your chest as you rushed out of the coffee shop.

you could hear him calling for you, but the blood had rushed to your ears and you were trying your hardest to keep from crying, but as soon as you felt his hand around yours, you spun around and shoved at his chest, once, twice, tears dripping freely onto the pavement, cheeks burning red with anger and sadness, heart that was excitedly jumping around, now quietly sitting in the corner, thumping cautiously as you felt him grab at your hands to stop you from hitting him any further.

“you can’t say that shit hajime! you can’t say it, not after four years of nothing … you didn’t try to fight for me, convince me to stick with you through it all, and you have someone else! how sick can you be? saying that shit to me, stringing that girl along …” the anger wasn’t making you think straight, words spilling out of your mouth without you mulling them over first. 

it was iwaizumi’s turn to get angry at your words, “you broke up with me!” he pushed your hands away from his before pointing an accusatory finger at you, “you broke up,” and he turned his finger shakily at himself, “with me.”

your mouth dropped open and you closed it again, gaping at the air like a fish out of water, hoping the words would come to you, “i wanted what’s best for you,” you managed to whisper, “i wanted for you to be happy.”

“and you came to that decision on your own!” his chest was heaving now, bottom lip trembling as he tried to keep his strong facade, but it was crumbling, “how dare you, decide for me what’s best for me?” his words were only making your chest ache because they were true. you were scared that you were not enough for him, that you’d never be enough for him, “you were what’s best for me, i wanted to share everything with you!” but you were wrong. 

he let out a strangled laugh, “and that girl? she knew it too. i tried going on one date with her, and when i tried going home with her, she pushed me away and told me that i was just kidding myself and setting myself up to get hurt, because my heart was with someone else.”

the two of you were practically in hysterics, wild stares at each other, tears staining your cheeks and some threatening to fall on his own. this was how the argument was supposed to go four years ago, not with you doing everything in your power to walk away. you needed to talk it out, communicate with each other; the only reason it had reached this point, as if you were two people in some kind of romantic movie on the sidewalk professing your love for each other, was because all these emotions had accumulated during the past four years.

after he let out a couple of strangled breaths, iwaizumi’s shoulders slumped, and he raked his hand through his hair, shaking his head and going to sit down on the sidewalk, arms on his knees and head bowed forward.

you watched him for a couple of moments, hand pressed over your mouth as you tried not to sob. the man who’d held your heart so firmly in his hands even if you were continents away had never given up on you. suddenly you didn’t feel so pathetic, but the guilt was eating you alive. you’d never meant to hurt him so, you adored him and you really did want the best for him.

swallowing back the remainder of the tears, you looked up at the sky and sniffled softly, before taking a couple of brave steps forward, kneeling down and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, burying your face into his neck, “i��m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” you chanted softly, knowing that no matter how many times you said it, silently praying that he’d accept your apology, even though you didn’t really deserve it.

his hand rested gently on your forearm and he kept his head forward, pressing soft kisses to your wrist and the back of your hand. iwa hesitated for a moment, before he rested his hands on your waist, carefully guiding you to his lap and wrapping his arms around you, rocking you back and forth and shushing you quietly as you continued to sob into his chest. the way he said your name was as soft as a butterfly coming to rest on a fingertip, and he gently guided your face up to look at his.

“i forgive you,” he admitted to you, giving you a small smile, “i’m sorry for yelling, i’m sorry for letting you go ... ” his forehead came to rest against yours, and his eyes were closed. you could feel your heart practically soaring, having him so close again, him accepting your apology. 

your hand came to rest on his face, thumb gently drawing back and forth across his cheek, before leaning forward and leaving a tentative kiss on the side of his mouth, watching as his eyes all but shot open, cheeks burning red under the palm of your hand as he looked into your eyes, “i forgive you too hajime.”

~ three year timeskip. ~

you were anxious. more anxious then you had been ever in your life. 

you’d been with hajime ever since you reconciled now, going through all the motions with settling into your life back in japan, finding a job you both love but still there were struggles. like how hajime worked himself to the bone, hell bent on being the best athletic trainer the national volleyball team had ever seen. you laid blankets on his shoulders when he slept at his desk while he was writing reports or planning injury prevention programs. meanwhile, he carried you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the couch because you couldn’t sleep in an empty bed, or when you were studying for your job and you fell asleep at your own desk.

your relationship was strong, communication prominent during the whole time, because you knew what could happen if it wasn’t there. the two of you never went to bed angry with each other, he always brought home flowers if he fucked up, hiding his face behind the bouquet as he uttered an apology and you always made sure to bring him a cup of tea to bed if you stepped out of line, before cuddling into his side and muttering a small ‘i’m sorry’ into the silence.

vip tickets gave you the perfect view of the volleyball court, adorning the japanese flag on one of your cheeks and a polo shirt that matched hajime’s with ‘iwaizumi’ spread across your shoulders.

it would be your own name anyway, you thought, as you twirled the engagement ring around your finger, grinning brightly before looking up at him and giving him an encouraging wink, mouthing an i love you at him.

you’d returned home twice; to japan the first time, and to iwaizumi hajime’s heart the second time.

[dreamescapeswriting]

The Fun Fair ~ PJM [M] [Reqest]

↬↬↬Word Count: 2.6K

↬↬↬Genre: ANGST

↬↬↬Pairing:Jimin x Fem!Reader

↬↬↬A/N: I personally don’t like the term crazy so I’m not going into too much of what happens with Jimin afterwards but I hope this is okay.

↬↬↬TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suggestive comments made my drunken men, men grabbing you, drunken states, murder, blood, angst, physical abuse.

It had been three months since Jimin and she who shall never be named again had broken up and you had finally picked up the pieces of his shattered heart and put them back together. Three months since your best friend showed up on your doorstep crying and sobbing about how she'd ripped his heart out and broken it into pieces, you wanted to kill her the moment he showed up. You'd warned her when they first started dating that if she ever hurt him you'd kill her, rip her head off and a bunch of other threats that slipped your mind. 

"You okay?" Jimin asked as he looked up at you, you were on his sofa looking at the TV screen as you watched some Romantic movie about how the friend and the best friend always got together at the end of the movie and it made you think of your crush on Jimin. 

"Wanna go out?" You spat out before you could even think about what you were saying, Jimin started at you while he blinked. 

"What?"

"I mean- No...Yes, do you want to go out on a date?" If he started laughing you could just tell him you meant with someone else other than you but if he agreed then all of your dreams were going to come true and you wouldn't have to hide how you truly felt about him anymore. 

"With you?" He wasn't laughing so that was a good sign, you nodded slowly at him and bit your lip. Jimin wasn't going to lie to himself and say he'd never thought about it before because he had before he had started dating Mina he'd been hung up on you. 

"We don't have to, I thought it would be fun there's the new funfair-" His lips on yours cut off your rambling when he kissed you and you smiled against his lips leaning into the kiss, sparks flying off your body as he drew you closer by wrapping his arm around your waist.

"Funfair date tomorrow it is," He whispered to you cupping your chin in his hand and smiling as you got shy under his touch. 

"I'll meet you by the hook-a-duck booth?" He suggested as he ran his thumb along your bottom lip, it had been where you used to meet whenever the funfair was in town when you were kids. 

"Sounds good to me Jiminie," You whispered kissing him again as you got up from the sofa and began walking towards your apartment door, he chuckled wrapping his arms around you and kissing you again. 

"I never thought I'd get to do that you know," He laughed softly as you stood at the door just talking. While you were both lost talking about the details of your date tomorrow you hadn't noticed Mina's best friend walking past your apartment and snapping a photo of you both together, sending it to Mina to ask what was happening. 

Mina had told everyone that she and Jimin were just on a short term break while she worked her way around things and not the truth, that she'd cheated on him with most of her guy friends. That was the thing about Mina, she craved the love and attention she got from everyone around her it was as though she was addicted to the dopamines. 

"I'll see you tomorrow night okay?" Jimin chuckled kissing you a final time as he tried to force himself to leave your apartment, he wanted to go home and get ready and you needed to spend the entire night pampering yourself. 

While you got ready for your date that night Jimin went out to buy you some flowers to bring with him - he was going to bring your favourite ones, he was about to leave his apartment when he saw Mina walking up his driveway crying. He frowned looking as her shoulders shook, holding a tissue to her nose as he heard small sobs falling from her lips,

"J-Jimin!" She wept loudly running towards him and throwing her arms around him, just like that you melted out of his brain and the only thing that matter was making sure Mina was okay. 

"What happened?!" He panicked tilting her head up to look at him as he frowned looking into her eyes, 

"I'm sorry! W-What I did! It was so wrong, Jimin I'm so sorry." She pushed him into the apartment and kicked the door shut as she sobbed into his arms, begging for his forgiveness for everything she'd done to him. 

"I-I was stupid, I just craved attention and I'm sorry Jimin...It won't happen again." She whimpered looking into his eyes as she pleaded with him to take her back staring into his eyes as she cried hysterically. 

"Mina-"

"Jimin I'll never hurt you again, I love you too much to ever hurt you again." She whispered running her hand over his cheek, as soon as she touched him he fell into her trap. Giving in and kissing her roughly as they made out on the sofa, 

"Fuck I missed you so much!" She cried out, running her hands down his shirt and towards his jeans. While he kissed her neck she rolled her eyes at everything he was doing, she didn't want to be there but she didn't want him to go out with you so she was going to do everything she could to keep him there tonight. He was hers and no-one else could have him even if she didn't want him just yet.

"I need you Jimin," She moaned kissing down his neck while her hands worked on undoing the jeans he was wearing, 

"F-Fuck I missed you too." He whimpered pushing his jeans down and moaning out as she touched him for the first time in months her hands pumping him slowly as she kissed him roughly. No one could ever replace her in his eyes, she was going to be the only one he would ever need. 

Biting your lip you checked the time again, it was getting late and dark which meant soon enough the fair would be packed with people who were drunk and you hated the thought of it.

"Jimin call me? You're an hour late and I'm getting worried," You heard giggling coming from in front of you and you looked up to see Mina's friends walking by shutting up as soon as they saw you looking at then. You shook it off as if it was nothing and tried Jimin again but there was no response. 

"Hey, baby!" Your heart filled with hope as you heard a voice calling out but when you turned around you saw two drunken men walking towards you so you stepped out of the way pretending to be busy on your phone.

"What's up? Date stand you up?" One asked as he stood in front of you, the smell of Vodka dripped from him as if he'd been bathing in the stuff and the one behind you chuckled as he held onto your arms. 

"We just wanna hang out baby girl, why don't we go on one of the rides?" You shook your head trying to answer them but the one in front laughed, 

"Don't be nervous, you can ride me if you want." You shoved him away from you trying to get out of their grasp but he didn't like it,

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" He yelled grabbing onto your wrist tightly and pulling you into his chest so he could look deep into your eyes,

"Well?! Who do you think you are?!" You were growing more and more uncomfortable with each passing second and people around you ignored the scene as if they couldn't see it so you stomped onto his foot and tried to make a run for it only to have the second guy drag you into his arms. Pinning your arms down by your side as a hat was placed into your mouth to stop you from screaming. 

"You're a fucking dirty bitch!" The first one yelled slapping you across the face as they began to take you behind the booths, you tried screaming out for help from people but hardly anyone was around and the hat inside of your mouth was muffling your cries for help.

"Leave me alone!" You whimpered as he ripped the hat from your mouth, the first one kicked the back of your knees knocking you down onto the ground so you would have to kneel in front of them and then took both of your arms and pinned them behind your back. 

"Keep your mouth shut!" A pocket knife was pulled from the first man's pocket and pressed against your cheekbone cutting into the skin, 

"Such a pretty face, it's a shame it has to get so wasted," The blade stung as it cut down your cheek and dug into your skin, you could already feel the blood dripping down, 

"Why are you doing this?!" You asked them as you fought to get out of the other man's grasp but he only tightened his hold on you. 

"Because it's fun because we can and we have before." You struggled against the grasp when you got a slap across the cheek,

"D-Done what before?" You stuttered out watching the man in front of you with the knife, 

"Killed. It's fun you know, watching the life of someone drain out from them right in front of your eyes." You whimpered trying to kick yourself up but he lunged himself towards your pushing the small blade into your side and twisting it, only to do it again and again until he felt satisfied with himself. 

Jimin woke up with Mina in his arms, snuggling against him when he heard his phone vibrating, he had 60 missed calls from your phone and a text. 

[Y/N]: Help! SOS! Along with five siren emojis beside it, he tried calling you but the phone was cutting straight to your voicemail, he shifted out from under Mina. The only time you ever used those emojis was when it was in a real emergency and panicked washed through him as he realised where he was supposed to meet you and when, 

"Where are you going?" Mina asked looking at him, 

"Y/n, I think something's wrong, I'll be right back-"

"Jimin stay with me," She whined holding onto his arms but he told her that he had to do this, that it was something serious. 

"Whatever, I don't care. I won't be here when you get back," She scoffed looking at him as she got changed into her own clothes, he had no time to waste on asking her what the problem was he just sprinted out to his car and drove to the fair. 

"Y/N!?" Jimin screamed out in the almost empty park, it was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack, he began calling out your name before ringing you but your phone wasn't connecting to anything it was just going to your answering machine, 

"Y/n?!" He called out but that was when he heard a strangled version of his name, 

"Y/n?!" He panicked rushing over to the hook-a-duck section that was closed when he saw your legs poking out from behind the booth, 

"Y/n...What are you doing down here?" As soon as his eyes landed on you he called for help, dialling for an ambulance on his phone as he took you into his arms. He didn't care about the blood that was coming from you, you looked up at him weakly your head feeling too heavy to hold up anymore. 

"You came," You stuttered out looking up at him and smiling weakly, he smiled softly at you and nodded.

"I came, I know I'm late but I g-got held up," He didn't need to tell you what had held him up right now all that matter was getting you some help, he told the ambulance where he was and he held you close to him trying to keep you warm. 

"I'm cold Jimin," You whispered to him as you felt a shiver run through your body, you could barely feel your feet anymore and you were starting to feel dizzy, 

"Save your breath okay? We'll get you to the hospital and they'll warm you up." He whispered laying his jacket over your arms and trying to support you but you shook your head at him, you both knew you weren't going to make it through this. You'd lost too much blood and the world was starting to sound as though everything was further away than it was. 

"T-They were wearing all black," You whimpered trying to describe the men to him so he would be able to catch them before they did this to someone else.

"T-The one that had the knife he had a scar along his lips as if someone had tried to put a smile into it." He shook his head at you begging you not to keep talking. That he would get you safe and you could tell the police all of this yourself, 

"J-Jimin I-I love you." You whispered to him as you felt your hands going numb, 

"You're saying goodbye," He whimpered looking at you as you nodded at him, you were too tired to fight it off anymore. You'd tried phoning for the ambulance yourself but your phone died after calling Jimin so much and now you were too tired to do anything.

"I love you." You repeated as your version began to blur, he sobbed shaking his head as you looked up at him biting down on your lip, he pulled you closer promising not to let go until he got you some help.

"Jimin it's been a year now, how are you feeling?" What kind of question was that? The doctor stared at him while she waited for an answer but Jimin stayed silent and turned to look out of the window. 

"Does anyone else in the group want to talk?" Everyone in the room began talking about their experiences but Jimin just stared down at the grass that was in the hospital garden. 

"Cat got your tongue?!" Hoseok - one of the other patients asked as he came up behind Jimin. He hadn't even noticed that the group therapy was out of session until Hoseok grabbed his attention away from the window. 

"Sorry Hobi, I haven't been sleeping again," Hoseok laughed sitting across from him, 

"We both know I have the opposite problem of that." Hoseok was in the hospital - narcolepsy - he'd been left there and he and Jimin grew close over their time there together. Jimin had spent most of his time here after you died, you'd died in his arms and he began to see you everywhere, every time he went to sleep you were in his dreams and then you began appearing around the house. After a while his friends took him to see someone who advised he come into the hospital to be watched and ever since he'd never left, he never wanted to. It felt it was a good punishment since he blamed himself for you dying that night he blamed himself for everything if he hadn't had fallen dumb to Mina he never would have left you alone that night and you would still be there with him.

"Come on, I know how to get some extra pudding," Hoseok said, he knew where Jimin's head was going and he wasn't about to let him suffer alone. 

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies​ @snowy-meowl​ @jooniesdarlingdimples​ @lyoongx​ @fan-ati--c​ @mitzwinchester​ @callingmyangel​ @rjsmochii​ @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @innersooya​

[good-doctor-imagine]

Neibolt (Richie Tozier)

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader

Request from anon: “you and richie both like each other and you go to the neibolt house and like are holding his hand and are blushing but are super scared and you also fall with eddie and are freaking out and crying when it is tormenting you guys and when it leaves in that scene he grabs you and calms you and when the fight starts you just stand there but do something when he gets punched and he pulls you along with him after the fight and very fluff” [xxx]

Summary: You and Eddie are attacked in the Neibolt house, leading to the loser’s breakup.

Word Count: 3k

Warning(s): Swearing, Richie’s dick joke, lil bit of angst, a lot of movie dialogue

You knew it was a mistake from the moment you walked through the front door. It was eerie and muggy, covered in spider webs, rotten wood barely supporting the ground you were walking on. Richie must have noticed your growing distress because he leaned in close to your ear, speaking softly so he would startle you.

"Are you okay?"

You simply nodded, eyes darting around the room for any form of imminent danger. It was normal for Richie to ask you how you were doing, he did it all the time. Over the phone, it was the first question he would ask. However, it wasn't normal for him to make any physical advanced towards you. Richie wasn't very physical with you, which is why you were surprised when you felt his fingers entangling with yours.

Locking your gaze on him, Richie didn't seem like anything was out of the ordinary. He was still walking slowly into the house with you, his eyes carefully evaluating where you two were heading. 

He didn't even look as flustered as you were. Your cheeks started heating the moment you felt the warmth of his palm against yours. You prayed that your sweating hands were not that noticeable.

It wasn't like Richie was trying to tell you anything. He was being a nice friend, looking out for you when you're scared. Right. Nothing more.

"I can't believe I pulled the short straw," Richie sighed, "You guys are lucky we're not measuring dicks."

"Shut up Richie," Eddie shut him down instantly.

You sort of agreed with Eddie, now was not the time to joke. It was so fucking creepy you felt a headache beginning to form from the amount of information you were trying to process. Right now, even your shadow could frighten you.

The four of you headed up the stairs, you and Richie following close behind Bill, hands still clutching each other firmly. The stairs were as creepy as the rest of the house. They were winding and so old that you thought it was going to break from underneath you. You didn't touch the banister, lips curling at the amount of dust that had collected on the surface.

The only light that illuminated the second floor was the window in the stairwell. The windows in the room did little to lighten the room, many covered by stapled plywood.

The furniture was old, an abandoned couch still covered by a white cloth. Leaves and dirt were covering the floor, branches from outside trees growing into the building.

The three of you stood frozen, taking in your surroundings. That was until you started to feel Richie tugging your hand. He was walking towards a wall of spider webs. In the middle of it was some sort of paper with 'MISSING' written across the top.

Richie slowly took his hand out of yours, shakily retrieving the paper in the mess of webs and brittle tree branches. He held the paper in his hands, his hands trembling. Bill made his way over, coming to Richie's side to see what it was.

Your eyes were wide as you gazed at the picture.

"It, it says I'm missing."

"Y-y-y-you're not missing, Richie," Bill tried to reason with him, but Richie was speaking loudly over him.

"That's my hair, that's my face!"

"Calm down, this isn't real!" Bill raised his voice, attempting to grab the paper out of Richie's hands but Richie was quick to pull it away.

"That's my name, that's my age," Richie continued, his chest beginning to heave.

Bill made another move to grab the paper, successfully crumbling it in his hands. Richie was still holding on tightly, having a sort of tug of war with Bil.

"That's the date!"

"This isn't real Richie!"

You were terrified, looking between your two friends from the sidelines. It had gotten to Richie. Even if he didn't want to express it, he was probably as terrified as you.

"What the fuck?!" Richie's voice was ear piercing as terror gripped him. You couldn't help but scoot closer to Eddie, both of you not sure how to help in this situation.

Bill was able to tear the paper out of Richie's hands before throwing it haphazardly on the floor.

"It says I'm missing!"

"Calm down!" Bill attempted, gripping onto his friend's forearms.

It broke your heart to see your best friend and crush freaking out so badly. You cared for him with all your heart and to see him this terrified made you realize that you weren't the only one. He may always be looking out for you. Now was the time to begin looking out for him.

Before you could step in, Bill was already calming him down, getting Richie's arms to stop flailing.

Richie looked between the three of you before all of your heads turned to the staircase.

"Hello?"

The three of you walked to where you kept hearing the voice, leading you up the stairs again. You stuck close to Richie's side, despite not holding onto his hand anymore. You peaked over his shoulder, eyes locking onto the sight of a familiar girl.

"Betty?"

"Ripsom?"

Her body was moving up and down from how hard she was breathing. Before she could say anything else, her body was yanked out of the doorway, only a scream ripping from her body as she disappeared.

Your friends started moving forwards, curiosity taking over them. You stayed behind slightly, caught between Richie and Eddie.

"Eddie..." A voice drew out, haunting you and your friend. The other two boys kept walking like they didn't hear anything. You turned around with Eddie, gazing into the light behind you to figure out what made that noise.

"Guys, do you hear that?" Eddie spoke, his voice trembling slightly. You nodded but there was no other response. When Eddie turned around, the door was beginning to shut. "Guys!" Eddie instantly yelled, leaping towards the door.

When it slammed shut, your hands were on the doorknob, attempting to yank it open.

"Eddie! Y/n!"

You were frantic, breath quickening at the thought of being stuck in a room. At least you had Eddie. You abandoned your effort to open the door and clutched onto Eddie's hand for security. If you two were together, then nothing bad could happen. 

Almost instantaneously, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you went rigid. Eddie's watch was going off, but that wasn't what made you both frozen with fear.

"Time to take your pill, Eddie."

Eddie's head turned around, coming face to face with the leper. Before you could react, Eddie's eyes were closing, body going limp as he fell backward into a hole on the ground. Because of his hold on you, you couldn't catch yourself before falling with him.

There wasn't much time to change how you were positioned in mid-air. You cringed when you heard something snap from beneath you. The fall hurt like hell, but Eddie's arm took the brunt of it.

"Damn it, Eddie," You cursed under your breath, "Why'd you have to pull me with you?"

All the fear and pain were mixing together, making tears form in your eyes. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

"Eddie," You called out to him, sitting up and shaking his shoulders slightly. "Eddie, wake up."

Your throat was beginning to tighten up, warm tears streaming down your face. Everything was overwhelming.

The dining table that you both landed on was snapped in half from the force you exerted on it. Just looking at Eddie's arm, you knew why. It was bent in a horrible way that you couldn't stomach looking at it.

Just when you were going to call out for him again, Eddie bolted upwards, a gasp leaving his throat. First, he looked down at his arm, a whimper leaving his lips.

A white object peaking from the fridge caught your attention. Your eyes widened, breath caught in your throat as you stared at the familiar white glove. You stuck close to Eddie, hands gripping his upper left arm, careful not to get close to his right forearm.

The two of you began to shake when the fridge swung open, a demonic laugh escaping from inside it. The clown was beginning to crawl out of it, his body contorting unnaturally. When he stood up fully, he twisted his upper body, his head facing you two the entire time. He shook with a laugh, the bells on his costume jingling.

It felt like forever, watching the creature bend down towards both of you, the corners of his mouth curling up to form an evil grin.

"Time to float."

You both began to crawl back as the creature hauntingly stepped forwards, his arms waving dramatically.

When you two were stuck to the wall, IT finally crouched in front of you. You were positioned slightly behind Eddie, your hand still clutched onto his upper arm tightly.

Eddie quickly slapped his hand against IT's cheek in a pathetic attempt to make it go away. The creature teasingly grabbed Eddie’s hand, mouth motioning towards it like he was going to bite it off.

You were practically sobbing, chest heaving as you in took the scene in front of you. Despite your blurry vision, you could make out everything that was happening. The terrible look on that disgusting clown's face.

IT took Eddie's face into his hands, imitating his sobbing before directing his attention to you.

You watched as he took one of his hands off Eddie's cheek, placing it on yours instead. The feeling of his dry glove made you want to throw up. His breath certainly wasn't better either.

The creature's hands suddenly moved to your and Eddie's throats, but his grip wasn't enough to choke you.

"Tasty, tasty, beautiful fear."

His grin was wide, teeth pointy as drool poured out over his lips. Your hand gripped impossibly harder onto Eddie's arm when IT's eyes started to roll back, mouth opening wide. You'll have to apologize for the bruises later.

Before IT could make another move, his head twisted toward the side, eyes glazed over as he stared blankly into the room.

"HELP!" Eddie screamed, his voice scratchy from how much you two were crying.

You were too frozen in fear to do anything, eyes not moving from the clown in front of you. The creature moved his hand to cover Eddie's face as Bill and Richie rushed into the room.

"Eddie?" You could hear Richie call out, and then his eyes met yours. "Y/n?"

You couldn't see what the creature was doing anymore, his attention focused on the two boys on the other side of the room.

"This isn't real enough for you, Billy? I'm not real enough for you?"

"Holy shit," The words spilled out of Richie's mouth.

"It was real enough for Georgie."

You held your breath when IT lept forward at the pair, yelling as he made it across the room. Thankfully, he was stopped. Beverly quickly shoved a metal spear into IT's eye, stopping it in the middle of the room. All of the losers piled into the kitchen, eyes focused on the clown.

"Get Eddie – Get Y/n."

You couldn't tell who was saying what anymore, overwhelmed by the amount of stuff happening at the moment. Eddie was screaming, trying to rip away from Bill's grasp. You reluctantly let go of his arm, watching from behind Richie as the creature growled and spun towards you all. The eye that wasn't punctured was a bright red and the teeth in his mouth were poking out from his skin.

Richie clutched onto you, holding you close as the clown laughed deeply and started walking forwards, it's hand ripping its glove as it grew.

Everything was a blur. Eddie and Richie were screaming, Beverly was standing to the side, clutching onto the back of Richie's shirt. She lept away when IT made a move to jump towards you. However, instead, it turned around, sharp fingers digging into Ben's stomach before IT disappeared down the stairs.

"Don't let it get away," Bill said, standing up from the floor and walking to the staircase where IT disappeared.

"No! Bill!" You yelled at him, trembling in Richie's arms. Everyone was screaming at him when he disappeared down the stairs. You were afraid he was never going to come back up. 

If you weren't so terrified, you'd probably be flustered out of your mind. One of Richie's arms was wrapped around your middle, holding you close to his chest. Your hands were gripping onto his shirt, not even thinking about how stretched it was going to be after.

Richie's other hand was on Eddie's shoulder, gripping him hard as he tried to reassure him. Eddie was too shaken up to notice, though.

When Bill came up the stairs, all of you were stumbling out of the house, legs shaky as you tried to process what happened. You couldn't tell if your face was covered with tears or IT's drool. Either way, it felt sticky and gross. You were exhausted, eyes wanting to close as the fear started leaving your body.

Everyone took off to their bikes and started pedaling as fast as they could. Mike put Eddie in the basket of his, making sure he as secure before leaving. When you made it back to Bill's house, you dropped your bike on his driveway next to all the others.

The losers waited outside, dreading the moment the familiar car shows up. You gasped as Richie's arms wrapped around you again, his head finding it's way into your neck. His body was trembling and you thought you felt warm tears collecting on your shoulder. You held him as close as you could, your fingers scratching against his scalp lightly. You knew you weren't the only one who was terrified.

You swallowed thickly as the light beige car rolled up, Eddie's mom getting out of the car and slamming the door. Richie pulled away from you at the sound, his arm wiping whatever was left on his face.

You could see Eddie's mom's face redden as her anger spiked, gazing down at Eddie's broken arm.

"You, you did this," She accused, arm moving around to point her finger at all of you. She took her son by the back of the neck, dragging him with her to the car. "You know how delicate he is."

"We were attacked M-M-Mrs. K," Bill tried to reason, but she was having none of it.

"No. Don't, don't try to blame anyone else."

You bit your lip to stop it from trembling as she shut Eddie's door. He didn't even look at you guys.

"Let me help –" Beverly tried to grab the keys that Mrs. Kaspbrak dropped but was stopped.

"Get back!" She swiped the keys off the ground before straightening up in front of Beverly.

"Oh, I've heard of you, Mrs. Marsh... and I don't want a dirty girl like you touching my son."

She turned back around, hand digging through her purse.

You shuffled closer to Richie as Bill tried to speak up again.

"Mrs. K I..."

"No!" She yelled, pointing her finger at him. "You are all monsters. All of you. And Eddie is done with you. Do you hear? Done!"

You all watched as she made her way around the car, slamming the door shut again when she climbed in. As she drove off, the group walked forwards, following it as it drove over the curb and down the street.

It was silent for a few seconds until Bill turned around.

"I saw the well," He claimed, "W-W-W-We know where it is. A-A-And next time we'll be better prepared."

You brows scrunched up at his words. Why the fuck would he think you were going to go back into that damn trap?

"NO!" Stan spoke up, "No next time, Bill! You're insane!"

"Why?" Beverly questioned, "We all know no one else is going to do anything."

"Eddie and Y/n were nearly killed!" Richie stressed, "And look at this motherfucker," He motioned towards Ben's stomach, "He's leaking hamburger helper!"

"We can't pretend like it's going to go away," Beverly argued, "Ben, you said it yourself it comes back every 27 years."

"Fine! I'll be 40 and far away from here. I thought you said you wanted to get out of this town too."

"Because I want to run towards something, not away."

"I'm sorry but who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?" Beverly gave Richie the middle finger. 

"Richie –"

"I'm just saying let's face facts, real world. Georgie is dead. Stop trying to get us killed too."

Richie tried to walk past Bill, but Bill was quick to jump into his way. 

"Georgie's not dead."

"You couldn't save him, but you can still save yourself.

"No!" Bill struggled, pointing his finger at Richie. "T-t-t-take it back. You're scared and we all are but take it back!"

Your eyes widened when Bill pushed Richie back by his shoulders, making him stumble. Richie pursed his lips and pushed Bill, making him even angrier. Before you could intervene, Bill took Richie by his shirt and threw a punch, hitting him right in the cheek.

"Bill!" Beverly warned, looking down at Richie.

Stanley and Mike lifted Richie off the floor and held him back as he tried to lunge at Bill. Bill pulled his fist back like he was about to swing again when Ben pulled him back.

"You're a bunch of losers, get us all killed trying to catch a stupid clown."

"Stop!" Beverly screamed, placing herself inside of the fight.

"This is what IT wants, IT wants to divide us. We were all together when we heard it. That's why we're still alive."

"Yeah? Well, I plan to keep it that way," Richie walked forwards, grabbing your hand as he walked to his bike. He made sure to check Bill in the shoulder as he passed.

You couldn't stop the tears from rolling down your face as you looked back at Bill, a person you considered a friend.

"Fuck you, Bill. Friends don't put other friends in danger. I thought you cared about us. I was wrong," You spat.

When you turned to Richie, he was motioning for you to climb onto the back of his bike. You complied, refusing to think twice about your bike laying idly in Bill's driveway. You'll pick it up another time.