#watched like several documentaries of them

[nicsnort]

Part of the Family

NSFW 18+ male orc x female reader

Contains: vaginal sex, fingering, size difference, exhibitionism, groping, implied impregnation, implied group sex, poor use of 1920s slang and style by Orcs

Word Count: 4385

Lore/World-building Prompt

Orcs came to defend your town when demons invaded. Now they've settled in, and after years of teasing them, they've finally had enough. It was time to make you part of the family.

~

Your sleepy little town had never expected an Orc tribe to move in a few years ago. Granted, you never expected the world to be invaded by demons, either. You remembered the moment that the Orcs rode into town well. They had been riding massive black horses the size of Clydesdales but with fire around their hooves and sharp meat-eating teeth. The Orcs had worn their traditional war paints and openly carried their weapons. Everyone had been terrified. Would they slaughter you all? Enslave the town?

They had called for the “ruler” of the town to speak with them. You vividly remember watching the town mayor approaching, trying to hide his fear. The tribe leader, Chief Gorim - a battle-scared, dark green, seven-foot-tall beast of a humanoid - slid off his horse, towering over the mayor, staring him down.

“You are afraid, human,” the chieftain commented in a low growl. “No need to be afraid. We have come as protection.”

The chief handed the mayor an official-looking parchment—a work contract. The Orcs were aware that rural regions of the human world lacked protection against the demonic hordes as the governments focused on protecting cities. So many of the Orc tribes, well-practiced in fighting demons and monsters, crossed the rift to provide protection. All the Orcs asked for in return were places to set up camp, provisions they could not gather from the land itself, and access to this world’s weapons and healing knowledge. A reasonable offer for people seeing the logic of their world changing rapidly and no way to fight against the demons otherwise.

True to their word, the Orcs protected your town and several others in the area. Unfortunately, their protection came with many more strings attached than originally stated. It was, for lack of a better phrase - a protection racket. Little did the towns know that Orc tribes were similar in structure and philosophy to the Italian Mafia. A rather ironic twist of fate, given that your little town had been the center of some Mafia activity over a century ago during the Prohibition Era. The small museum in town was a historically preserved speakeasy that told the story about the gambling den, a whiskey smuggling route, and a good old-fashioned shoot-out between the Feds and the gangsters along Main Street.

It was even more ironic that your Orcs - attempting to adapt to this “new human world” - decided to forgo their traditional dress and begin copying the Mafia’s style. The 1920s to 1950s Mafia was their preference. Their bows and arrows were replaced with machine guns. Their leather skirts and vests were replaced with cotton suits and fedoras. They began picking up the slang by watching documentaries and old films. The chief insisted that everyone call him “Godfather” and would tell everyone how the lead actor in that famous film looked like an Orc without the tusks. 

Sometimes, their obsession was more silly than scary. You overheard an Orc contemplating whether to call her future son the short Orc-like Tony or Al’capone after the “great warrior chief.” And seeing a non-warrior Orc in a flapper dress with the warriors wolf-whistling at the “sight of his gams” was certainly something. Who would have ever guessed that Orcs were into cross-dressing? However, given how Orcish genders seemed to be warrior and non-warrior regardless of sex, maybe it wasn’t cross-dressing. The Orcs had decided that warriors wore suits and non-warriors wore flapper or swing dresses.

Even with the Orcs running this protection racket, the town benefited more than it lost. You had all heard the horror stories of the areas first hit by the demons - towns annihilated, mass slaughter, people forced into slavery - compared to that prospect, paying a tribe of Orcs in tomato sauce, pasta, and historically accurate clothing was nothing. Not to mention that just like the Mafia they modeled themselves after, the Orcs started smuggling goods to and from their home dimension. The state and federal governments did not want any trade of materials that could “corrupt” humans (whatever that meant), but if they wouldn’t protect your town from demons, why bother listening to their ban? Magic potions were amazing.

But that all wrapped around to you. The person running the local speakeasy museum that the warrior Orcs claimed as their primary hangout spot. You were a historian and preservationist. While you had always sold alcohol at the museum’s speakeasy bar for those wanting to try moonshine or the local whiskey, it was never supposed to be a real bar. Yet, you had transformed the speakeasy museum into a functional bar at their large, weapon-carrying insistence. Your job had become more bar tender than museum worker, but to be honest, before the demons, your museum hadn’t ever gotten much business. Luckily, the “person in control of the alcohol” was a position that Orcs respected, and as you were the human who ran the “shrine” to the human “warrior tribes,” that respect was doubled.

“Here we go, boys,” you announced, setting five glasses of whiskey in front of the Orc warriors who had just come in from patrol.

“Ah, you're the bee’s knees, doll,” they replied with relief. You had long overcome the bristle you felt at being called “doll.” The Orcs were copying more of the language of the period they idolized. You had asked them once what they thought it meant - a pretty non-warrior - at least they were calling you pretty.

You headed into the backroom to gather more whiskey. Each Orc typically drank half a bottle when they came here after patrol, so you had to grab a few more to satisfy this group. As you were in the back, you could hear the chatter and laughter of the patrol join that of those already a couple of cups deep.

“Shrine maiden,” an Orc called out before swearing in Orcish, “raudt, doll! Bring another round of Oakengleam!”

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Some older Orcs struggled with the new slang when drunk and still fell into their old terms. They swore whenever it happened, but the translator spell refused to translate anything inappropriate, meaning you knew lots of Orcish swears. With your arms full of four bottles of whiskey, you returned to the front. The Orc that had called out to you leaned against the bar, putting full weight on the old polished wood.

“I told you, Ozoch, that was the last of it. You’ll have to wait until the runners return from the Rift.”

“Come on, it’s the chief’s - I mean - the don’s favorite. I know you have to have some.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You are suggesting that I use Godfather’s private supply to satiate your already drunk stomach?”

“Don’t try to use the Don to threaten me, weakling.”

Silence began to fall among the Orcs as they listened in. You lifted your head defiantly. The Orcs valued strength. Not just physical but mental. Backing down now would lose much of the respect they held for you. “I’m in charge of the alcohol. Even if I had Oakengleam, I wouldn’t give it to you for that. Get out and dry out.”

Ozoch slammed his fist on the counter, cracking the wood. “Don’t tell me what to do! You ain’t tribe!”

“That don’t mean she ain’t correct,” a low growling voice said behind Ozoch. The older Orc stiffened. Godfather had just walked in the door.

“Chie--Don Gorim,” Ozoch started as he turned around unsteadily. “I didn’t mean nothin’ by it.”

Godfather looked to the capo at his side and jerked his head. “Escort Ozoch out, Taugh. Take a walk, old friend, and consider how I said the dame was to be respected. Don’t make me force you to find that respect in concrete shoes.”

Properly cowed, Ozoch let Taugh escort him out. The old Orc likely would have a ground-down tusk the next time you saw him. It was a common mark of shame.

Godfather approached the bar. He silently examined the damage Ozoch did. A scowl crossed his face before he looked at you with a small smile. Reaching across the bar, he put a hand on your shoulder. “I will see this fixed, doll.”

Your heart rate was returning to normal, but you didn’t trust yourself enough to speak, so you nodded. He squeezed your shoulder lightly before releasing you. “Now, a mug of Oakengleam at my table, please.”

You breathed out slowly and returned his smile. “Of course, Godfather.”

Disappearing into the back where you kept Godfather’s private stash, you heard the conversation in the main room slowly return to normal. Alone among the alcohol, you took a moment to gather yourself. This wasn’t the first time you had to assert yourself, but it was the first time that an Orc had been violent towards you. Seeing them rip the wings off an imp with their bare hands was one thing, but knowing that fist would have cracked your head open was another. Allowing a couple of tears to escape your eyes, you quickly dried them. The don was waiting for his drink.

With a smile on your face, you brought Godfather his drink. While you were in the back, Taugh had returned, new abrasions on his knuckles. Godfather also had his advisor, Kormor, at his table. She was speaking quietly to him, ignoring your presence. 

The night went on as normal for an hour or so. More and more Orcs came into the speakeasy, nearly all of the warriors. You noticed that Kormor began walking around to the tables, speaking with the Orcs quietly. She would speak, they would take a moment, and then some would put up two fingers. It became apparent they were voting on something. You wondered what was so big of a decision that it required the warriors' input instead of the don's unilateral decision. It was none of your business, though.

 The bar's heat rose as the seats and stools reached capacity. It was not a big building, and the speakeasy area could only hold 60 humans or half as many Orcs. Your body was forced to brush against them as you served drinks. As you cleared mugs and glasses, bending over the table, their thick hands reached to steady you. Occasionally, an unknown hand was brave enough to sneak a grope in. Their earthy musk slowly began to make your head swim.

Godfather called for another drink. You ducked into the back, happy for the reprieve. Leaning against the cold brick wall, you felt your pussy throbbing. It was a secret you kept hidden from all those around you. You found the Orcs super hot. 

Before the invasion of demons, when all monsters were considered fantasy, monsters had been the subject of your fantasies. When it turned out that all sorts of monsters were real, when the Orcs came to your town, it was a terrifying but exciting moment. Unfortunately, the Orcs didn’t seem interested in humans sexually. Sure, they would occasionally grope you, but it seemed more like a game to them as they never did anything more. You had even started wearing the swing dresses they liked and brushing against them on purpose, trying to encourage them.

There were many times that after a long night of working, you had gone upstairs to your apartment above the museum with your panties soaked. You would take out your monster dildos and fuck yourself, yearning for it to be the Orcs you had just seen.

But now wasn’t the time for that. You didn’t have time to touch yourself. The don needed another mug of his favorite ale. As always, you would suffer through the arousal. As you set down a second mug of Oakengleam for Godfather, the underboss, Sehbuv, arrived. Sehbuv winked at you as he sat down. A faint blush came to your cheeks. He had always been one of the nicest to you and slipped you treats from the smuggled goods. It didn’t hurt that he was definitely one of the most handsome Orcs with forest green skin and alluring magenta eyes.

“Double whiskey, doll,” he ordered, “oh and, for you.” 

Sehbuv grabbed your hand and pressed something long, hard, and wet at the bottom into it. Looking down, you saw it was a tusk. An Orc tusk, yellowed with old age and very recently removed. To grind down a tusk of an orc was a mark of shame, to remove one was saying you did not recognize them as an Orc anymore. You looked back up at him, and he gave you another wink. Clenching your hand around the gift, you stuttered a thank you before running off for his drink.

“Stay a moment, have a seat,” Godfather told you when you returned. “We must have words.”

“Of-of course,” you replied, shocked and a bit worried. Your eyes darted around, looking for a chair. Suddenly, Sehbuv pulled you into his lap. You gasped, but along with sounding surprised, there was a clear undertone of sensuality in it. The Orc chuckled but didn’t say anything. You gave Godfather your attention, trying to ignore how your arousal spiked by merely sitting on Sehbuv’s lap. It did not help that one of his hands rested on your lower back to steady you.

“Doll, you’ve been a good associate of ours for a while now. What has it been four years?”

“Nearly, yes.” The Orcs had been here for a little over five years but didn’t discover their obsession until a year after they arrived; the museum became their hang-out a few months later. Come to think of it, Shebuv had been the first Orc to visit the museum.

Godfather nodded. “And even before then, I remember you. You were the only human brave enough to bring the tribute to our camp by yourself. You were the only one interested in learning about us.”

“I am sure I wasn’t the only--”

“You were. The only one to genuinely be interested, at least.” Godfather leaned back in his chair, taking a long sip of ale. As you waited for him to continue, Sehbuv set his drink on the table, his hand going to rest on his lap but finding your thigh instead. You glanced at him, but his attention was on the don.

“Anyway, what I am getting at is that you, doll, have contributed a lot to this family. Big things like this speakeasy and spreading the knowledge of your past warrior families. And little things like adding our favorites to the tap and our images to the shrine of your warriors.” He gestured to the small section where you had put some photos of the Orcs in action and a group photo of the tribe after they had donned their “human” clothing for the first time.

“You have done all of this for us. In some ways, you are already part of the family. But as Ozoch pointed out, you are not family.”

Sehbuv’s fingers found the hem of your skirt and began inching up your thigh. It was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on the don. “Given all that and what happened with Ozoch, I think it is time to give you an Orc.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think I need a guard. Unless you are suggesting someone to help out around here lifting barrels and…” It was hard to speak coherently. Your head was swimming from the Orc musk and Sehbuv’s playful touch. 

Godfather’s eyes connected with Sehbuv’s. Instantly, the younger Orc’s roaming hand was on the table holding his drink. The older Orc’s attention turned back on you. “I don’t think you’re following. I mean uvna Orciani tullu--blasted bluenose witch, censoring the translation spell.”

Kormor touched his shoulder to calm him. “Why don’t you leave that for Sehbuv? Explain how things are changing.”

Godfather sighed and nodded. “Long and short of it. The demons in this area have been pushed back, and the Rift is secured. There is no need for the family to be here to protect your town and the others in this territory. My family is going back to our world.”

Your heart sank. All this time was wasted, and now your chance was lost completely.

“We cannot maintain our territory here and the Old World. The non-warriors, on the other side, need us warriors to return. But we do not want to leave behind the luxuries of your world. My family is leaving, but the Orcs staying behind will form a new family with Sehbuv as the don. We will each work a side of the Rift, streamlining our operation.”

From the depths, your heart soared. There was still a chance. You glanced at Sehbuv; he grinned. “Congratulations. I would have gotten some bubbly for you if I’d known.”

“Thanks, doll, I am sure we can find a way to celebrate.” The hand that had been supporting your back slid down and cupped your ass.

Godfather cleared his throat, forcing your attention back to him. “As I was sayin’, Sehbuv will be the head of the family here. This new family will need to put down roots to grow. Find humans in this world to bring into the family as Orc-kin.”

“And I want the first Orc-kin of my family to be you, doll,” Sehbuv revealed. 

Shocked was a tame term for what you felt. There weren’t any Orc-kin the tribe had brought with them, but you had heard of them. You knew becoming Orc-kin, an official member of an Orc tribe, was a massive honor and something not to be taken lightly. They only allowed those who they saw as worthy into the tribe. “I…I am honored…I--sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes,” Kormor suggested dryly.

“Yes!” The entire speakeasy, which you just realized had been intensely listening in, cheered.

Godfather let them cheer for a full minute before raising a hand for silence. He was smiling. “Excellent. Usually, we would have a dedicated area for the induction, but I believe this sacred space works…and I don’t think Sehbuv can wait much longer. Let the ceremony begin!”

Another round of cheers. Chairs scrapped on the ground as the Orcs stood. They began moving the furniture to clear space. Sehbuv scooped you up and began carrying you over his shoulder. The Orcs began to separate into two groups: those who would stay with Sehbuv’s new tribe and those who would return to the other world with Godfather.

They spoke in Orcish to each other and began to circle around you. Sehbuv’s hand was solidly on your ass, his thick fingers squeezing your rump. Your arousal was spiking once more. You had to take care of yourself soon, or else you’d be begging an Orc to fuck you, but it wasn’t like you could leave in the middle of something like this.

Suddenly, you were on your back, splayed across a table, with Sehbuv pressing his clothed but very substantial erection between your legs. Through the haze of arousal, it clicked. “Oh, give me an Orc as in--”

“Knock you up, doll,” Sehbuv finished. Not quite what you had thought, but the result was the same. You were finally getting the Orc cock you longed for. Sehbuv slid his hand between your legs. His thick, calloused fingers pushed aside your sodden panties, gliding along your slick pussy. A wanton moan escaped your lips, and your hips tilted up needily.

“Hratz kaara-en olumno,” he said with pleasured surprise. The Orcs around you hooted and stomped their feet in celebration. His fingers began to stroke you slowly as his huge body leaned over yours. “I am going riteh kaar Orciani kaara-en juublern.”

“I have no idea what you just said, but whatever it was - yes! Please!” You rolled your hips, grinding against his fingers. Now that your dreams had become possible, you couldn’t wait any longer. He slipped a thick finger into you. A low moan escaped you; his finger felt as thick as two of yours. 

“How long have you wanted this, doll,” he asked, slowly pumping his finger in and out.

“Ever since you rode into town,” you confessed breathlessly.

“That is a long time.” He slipped another finger into your dripping hole and sped up fucking you with his hand. “Is that why you’ve been teasing us? You’ve been trying to get us to fuk you.”

“Yes! Please! I’m going to…” You gripped Sehbuv’s forearms as a powerful orgasm rocked your body. As you rode out the orgasm, he slowed the pumping of his fingers. Chest heaving, you stared up into his lustful eyes. You wanted more. 

Seeing your determination, a grin came to his face. “Undress, doll, before we tear that dress off you.”

He pulled back, allowing you to sit up. As his hand removed itself from inside of you, he grabbed your panties and, with a smooth tug, tore them from you. You stared at him with surprise. Lifting your sodden panties up, he sniffed deeply, then gave you a wink. Tucking the panties in his suit pocket, he slipped the jacket off and removed his suspenders. 

You kicked off your flats and sat up on the table. Sehbuv’s magenta eyes burned as they stared at you while he unbuttoned his shirt. You stared back, soaking in each inch of dark green skin he revealed. Reaching behind your back, you unzipped your dress. You couldn’t wear a bra with this low cut-off-the-shoulder dress; pulling the dress over your head, you were naked. The Orcs around you grunted and whooped as your body was bared to them.

Sehbuv was only halfway undressed. Your eyes were on him as you ran your hand over your body. Cupping your breasts, you began playing with your nipples. Twisting and tugging at them, releasing little moans as you did. Sehbuv nearly tore his pants in his hurry to remove them. His Orcish member sprang free, causing your pussy to clench at the sight. It was just as you had dreamed. Bright pink glands dripping with precum were proudly framed by the dark green foreskin of his long bulging cock. 

He batted your hands away from your breasts, and his hands took their place. His calloused fingers felt even better against your sensitive skin. Your free hands pulled his head down into a kiss. His tusks pressed against your flesh, his large mouth and tongue quickly overwhelming you.

Pulling back, he was handed a cup. “Drink up, doll.”

Taking the potion, you, without hesitation, drank the vivid green contents. It was a bit sour but had no immediate effect. “What was that?”

Sehbuv grinned. “Mostly an endurance potion.”

You had no time to wonder what he meant by mostly. He grabbed your head this time and gave you another dominating kiss. Pressing you down against the table, you felt his bare erection between your legs. He was about the same size as the largest toy you could fit in you, but the heat of it against your flesh had already surpassed your room-temperature silicone replicas.

“Please fuck me,” you gasped as he pressed kisses down your neck. “I need your cock in me.”

Pulling back slightly, Sehbuv held his cock against your slit, running his glands along it. “Mmm, fuck is same word in Orcish. I learned a little English for this. Doll, I am going to fuck your cunt with my cock now.”

The wide head of his cock pressed against your needy hole. You could feel him stretching you. God, this was so much better than silicone. Your hands clung to his shoulders as he slowly slid himself inside of you. “You feel good. Look at you taking me so well.”

You could feel every inch of his hot, hard cock as it entered you. You needed more, though. You needed all of him. “Move, please,” you begged.

“Whatever you say, doll.” Sehbuv began to thrust. You screamed in pleasure as his shaft hilted and hit every sensitive spot within you. His heavy balls slapped against your ass with each thrust. After a few thrusts, you were already approaching another orgasm.

“Fuck, Sehbuv! I’m already…I’m…”

“Tonight is about you, doll, don’t hold back.”

Another orgasm rocked your body, but Sehbuv didn’t lose pace. He kept thrusting into you, extending your pleasure. As your orgasm ended, he began to thrust faster. Each powerful thrust shook your body. Your legs locked around his waist in an attempt to hold on. Sehbuv began to grunt, and his grip on your flesh tightened. He was getting close.

“Are ya ready for me? I’m gonna fill you up,” he announced with a low growl.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chanted as yet a third orgasm approached. You needed something else to push you over the edge. You need him to cum in you.

Sehbuv’s thrusts became erratic. Then with a roar, you felt his thick cock swell within you. A scream tore from your throat as his hot sticky cum poured into your womb. Your nails dragged across his back as your body writhed from the pleasure. You swore you knew you were pregnant that instant. Fuck, given the magic potion, maybe you were.

“You good, doll,” Sehbuv asked as your straining muscles slowly released him.

“Yes…” You replied. Actually, you were better than fine. As Sehbuv pulled out of you, your body was already buzzing to go again. That was some endurance potion.

“Good. Cause the next part of the ceremony is about to begin.” Sehbuv stepped away from you. You sat up to see where he was gone and saw that all the other Orcs who had joined his side of the family were now naked and aroused as well. They stared at you with lustful eyes.

“Now that the seed of our new family has taken root, it needs fertilizer, doll,” Sehbev explained, “Orcs believe that power from all those who fuck the mother is given to a child. And you’ve been teasing us for years. You’ll make sure we’re satisfied, right?”

Your body buzzed with energy from the endurance potion. You looked around at the variety of Orc cocks and cunts around you. A grin came to your face. “I’ve been waiting five years for this; you all better make sure I am satisfied.”

______________________________________________________

Other Department of Monster Affairs works

After Party - m!Minotaur x f!reader, teratophilia, breeding, overstimulation.

Hello Neighbor - m!werewolf x f!reader, teratophilia, knotting, heat. One-shot.

Sex Therapist - m!Incubus x f!reader, hypnotism, dubious consent, teratophilia, blow jobs. Part 1.

For other works see my masterlist

[systlin]

Picking a Gor book at random: Marauders of Gor!

OH THIS IS THE SHITTY FAKE VIKING KNOCK OFF BOOK

SO. We open with Cow of House Cow, formerly known as Tarl Cabot. He got poisoned at the end of the last book and this paralyzed him. Should have upped the dose and killed him

(Bosk. He took the name Bosk because in book five he got taken slave by a lady who mean dommed him once and it fundamentally rewired his brain chemistry. He spends the rest of the books...all TWENTY SEVEN MORE OF THEM...going by the name Kind Mistress gave her pretty slave.)

ANYWAY. There's some dumb bullshit about a plot by the Kurii to conquer Gor. The Kurii are giant werewolf aliens who eat people, and I think Tarl bottomed for one once but that's a different book. They're the enemy of the Priest Kings.

Tarl then fixes the depression he's sunk into because he is Utterly Useless And Pathetic since his legs don't work. This somehow also fixes his legs? Who the fuck knows. He decides to go investigate. This whole baffling intro takes seventy pages.

Anyway.

This takes him to the north, where we find him in a Not!Catholic church. As in, it is exactly like a catholic church except it's to the PK's and not God. The head priest is the most overblown caricature of a greedy evil priest ever set to paper. Calling him one dimensional would be adding a dimension.

Naturally, the Shitty Terrible Vikings attack and loot the place.

Now, they don't attack at FIRST. Norm, thinking himself terribly clever, rips off a move from a saga written by actual good writers and steals the 'smuggle weapons into a church in a coffin with a viking leader who is totally dead you guys, we pinky promise' scheme. Our co hero with Tarl for the book, Ivar Forkbeard, is naturally not dead.

Ivar and his crew promptly loot the place, and also take slave all the pretty women they can find. Tarl, of course, impresses Ivar with his immense fighting ability (dodges a thrown spear) and Ivar decides to take him along with his crew, because Tarl has the thickest plot armor ever seen. They burn the church down and fuck off with their loot. We find out here that the Shit Vikings still follow their gods. Odin and Thor are the only two mentioned. They use a salute that would be very familiar to anyone who has watched WW2 documentaries or, more recently, Elon Musk.

On the longship, we learn a few things. One, that John Norman doesn't know shit about longships, because he gives them rigged sails. Two, that the shitty vikings eat snails raw out of the bilges, which seems like it would give you ten different diseases. Three, that they break slaves by tying them to the oars and dunking them into the north sea repeatedly for several hours, in a move that would totally not kill someone.

At Ivar's holdings, we see more slaves, and the new slaves are branded. Norm spends an immense amount of time and loving detail on this. Tarl is still having a great time. He happily feasts and drinks and rapes...his words, not mine...slaves left and right.

At one point, to discipline a woman, Ivar has her tied naked to a block of ice. For hours. This somehow doesn't kill her, and yet we are told women are weak.

They capture the daughter of a Jarl and enslave her, because she told Ivar to fuck off once and Norm is convinced that this means a woman is burning with a secret passion to literally lick a man's feet. Seriously. There's so much foot licking. In every book. It's in every book. Naturally she falls in love with Ivar and becomes his happy slave. This takes hundreds of pages and it's all horrible. All the poor women get names like Honey Cake, Pudding, ect.

Tarl and his new bestie and their slaves go to what is clearly an Althing, except worse. Ivar is an outlaw, see, and he wants to shove his dick in people's faces that he raised enough money to pay his fine but isn't gonna pay it anyway, because Real Men Don't Do Shit Like Participate Constructively In Society. Norm is INTENSELY culturally WASP, even though he claims to be an atheist. The whole rugged individualism he admires more than anything oozes like slime off most of these books. No, Ivar is clearly supposed to be someone we should aspire to be like, As Men, and Tarl has a huge crush on him I'm pretty sure. And he's a total piece of rat shit.

Ivar and Tarl win a bunch of contests because of course they do, and we see Free Women being unpleasant as Norm writes all free women. Namely, not taking any shit and talking back to men, which Norm calls 'haughty arrogance'. Ivar shows he has the cash to pay his fine, but refuses to. This amuses everyone enough though that they lift his sentence rather than just chucking him off a cliff for some reason.

The head of the Kurii on Gor comes to treat with the jarls. They all decide clearly this is a trick, because of course it is it's not subtle. The Kurii say that they have an army and will take Shitty Viking Land and also the south of Gor. The Shitty Vikings are like fuckit let's fight.

They do. It's somehow boring, in a way that vikings fighting space werewolves should actually find impossible to be. The vikings win by stampeding a herd of cattle over the space werewolves and also maybe some 800 year old legendary figure shows up?

Tarl, having reassured himself that he is a True Man, heads back to Port Kar.

The end.

[kavalyera]

if any john wick fans who like gianna/santino or need help with understanding criminal structures, im here if you need any knowledge on the camorra

[alkeneater]

Bro i want to integrate the Severance into my clone high au so badly i already explained it to my fp and it sounds like a great idea

But there's one little thing... it will make my comics irrelevant.... it will change the plot slightly....

i can't work on the comic anyways it's getting too hard lately bc of my mental condition soooo WE'RE SLIGHTLY CHANGING AND EXTENDING MY AU TO MAKE IT COOLER

but the price is... no more comic </3 sorrey.... (lmao like anyone cares) i will probably make a visual novel tho.... someday.... when i feel like the au is ready...

anyways stay tuned anddddd don't be afraid to ask questions about my AU i'd be very happy to answer them!!

[britneyshakespeare]

i can't believe how much this company apparently does not want my money

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

I just realized my lasts two posts are complete tonal whiplash from my buttsecks post

[pipcoded]

some ppl: don’t rely on fiction to teach you moral lessons! sometimes fiction is disturbing and grotesque and disgusting for the sake of it. you aren’t going to become evil just by engaging w it

those same people, for some reason?: if you watch clifford the big red dog as an adult it’ll turn you into a puritan with no media literacy

[theaxolotlkween]

Reasons why Jon Archivist is truly a character of all time:

Had the police called on him several times when he was a young child

Keeps his rib and the ashes of the season one antagonist next to his stationary drawer

Promised he wouldn’t get lost in tunnels and then immediately got lost in aforementioned tunnels

Has no clue what a joke is

Learned how remarkably easy it is to buy an ax in central London

Had to have two separate interventions

Told people his place of employment before traumatising them for life

The first character he ever said ‘I love you’ to is a cat

Allegedly participated in amdram

Watches documentaries and collects some kind of weird shit (my headcanon is Soviet Union postcards) when he’s not being a paranoid mess

Canonically looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks

Knows nothing about library science

Fell head over heels for a man that he hated until he learned he lied on his resumé

Has been referred to as Jesus or Jesus-adjacent at least twice

Asexual icon

Knows what a meme is and said “LOL” in the first episode

Rode on a merry-go-round sometime during his university days because he was in a weird place emotionally

Died for our Jonathan Sins

Is probably a computer now playing minesweeper with his boyfriend and evil 200+ year old boss

[ezra-but-hornier]

Things my wife (a knight) did for me (a princess) at the Renaissance fair that make me absolutely feral:

Held my umbrella and would not let me carry my own bag

Waited for me outside of shops, booths, and even the bathrooms

Bought and surprised me with a rose, making my knees weak and shaming my friends and their husbands in one fell swoop

Found the one booth that sells coffee and got me a latte WITH A MILK ALTERNATIVE

Won the knife throwing contest against two very cocky men, only preening when I called them handsome

Paid for me to have my face painted like a fairy and told me I was the most beautiful person in the world

Bought me a LITERAL CROWN and then refused to let me take it off

Watched me eat a giant turkey leg like it was the world's greatest nature documentary

Looked at me so sweetly that one of my straight married friends turned red and told us to get a room

Took pictures of all my friends without them even having to ask

Inspired several little girls who clearly had never seen a 'lady knight' and who excitedly pointed us out to their parents

Called me 'my lady' and kissed my hand any time I looked at them

Carried my friend's baby in their arms

Drove us home early because I was too tired to keep walking around

Went into Chickfila (in costume) to ask for the dipping sauce that they forgot to put in our bag while I sat in the car

Fell asleep that night holding my hand

In conclusion: I am gay

[girlgenius1111]

learning curve part three

alexia putellas x reader [& r's nephew] will meets some more important people, and has his first day of school. it doesn't go as planned, and r doubts her abilities to be will's guardian. angst. fluff. kidfic. enjoy :)

—

There were a few inevitable things in life. Much to Will’s dismay, school happened to be one of them. Another was that when María León wanted something to happen, it was happening. So, the night before Will was due to start school, you and Alexia finally gave in to Mapi’s pleading, and invited her and Ingrid over for dinner to meet Will. It would be a good distraction if nothing else, and you knew Will would like Mapi, as most kids did. 

It had been a nice, slow day. Will and Alexia both seemed exhausted, and you caught them passed out on the couch together napping, while a history documentary on dinosaurs played on the tv. Will was curled up against Alexia, and you must have stopped and sat there to watch them for at least 10 minutes. Alexia had taken to this… ‘parent’ thing so much easier than you had, and it simultaneously made your heart burst and hurt. It was easy for her, but it wasn’t for you. 

Will was, as was becoming a theme, a bit nervous to meet Mapi and Ingrid, but they broke the ice easily. Mapi entered with a loud ‘hola!” carrying with her an entire kid’s bike. It was black and green, with a spikey helmet hanging off the handlebars. You and Alexia stood, slack jawed, as she wheeled it into the house with a proud look on her face. Ingrid came in behind her, smiling amusedly at her girlfriend. 

“I told her a bike was too much.” She commented, but Mapi just waved her off. 

“No! Nothing is too much, right, Will?” Mapi replied. She spoke in English, enunciating to make sure your nephew understood her. Will peeked out from behind your legs, looking at Mapi, then at Ingrid, then at the bike. He pulled on the hem of your shirt rather frantically, so you scooped him up into your arms as Alexia inspected his new bike, and Mapi demonstrated how the bell on the handlebars worked… several times. 

“Tia, I can’t ride a bike.” Will whispered in your ear, panicked as though you were going to throw him onto the bike and send him on his way. You kissed the side of his head, smiling fondly at him. 

“That's alright, bud. Ale and I can teach you.” 

Will looked relieved, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder. “Don-don’t tell them I don’t know how, okay?” 

“Okay.” You agreed, setting him back on the floor and ruffling his hair. 

Alexia had removed the bell off the bike and put it into her pocket, while Mapi was now practically climbing onto her to try to get it back. 

“That is Will’s,” Mapi scolded, holding on tight as Alexia tried to shake the defender off her back. 

“Then stop playing with it.” Alexia threw back, only stopping their faux argument when she saw the confused look on Will’s face. “Will, cariño, it’s okay. We are just joking around.” 

Mapi slid off your girlfriend, mumbling something under her breath that made Ingrid frown. 

With the commotion died down slightly, you nudged Will forward a step, encouraging him to execute what he’d practiced. He took a deep breath, his eyes trained on the wood floor under his feet, but he spoke all the same. 

“Hola. I’m Will.” He said softly. You and Alexia grinned at him proudly, knowing how much he’d wanted his greeting to be perfect. 

Ingrid and Mapi both bent down, gentle smiles on their faces. “Hola, Will. I’m Mapi.” 

“And I’m Ingrid.” 

Will studied them for a moment, decided he wasn’t sure what else to stay, and moved to hide behind Alexia’s legs. Ingrid and Mapi didn’t try to coax him back out or ask him a billion questions. Instead, they straightened up and allowed you to gesture them into the living room. 

Alexia waited a moment, before turning and crouching down in front of Will. 

“Good job! You said ‘Hola’ better than Mapi does.” 

Will smiled happily at her, haphazardly pushing his hair out of his face and then high fiving Alexia’s outstretched hand. Will felt as though the hardest part of the evening was over, especially because you’d promised him he wouldn’t have to talk if he didn’t want to, once he’d said hello. 

Hand in hand with Alexia, he followed her into the living room, a very proud look on his little face. 

—

Ingrid took a seat on the floor next to Will, accepting the small race car he wordlessly handed her. Will was a shy kid, but shy didn’t even begin to cover the level of quiet he seemed to be around Ingrid, barely even looking at her all through dinner. While he laughed and talked with Mapi, his face flushed red every time Ingrid addressed him. Now, though, it was just the two of them as Mapi helped you and Alexia clean up in the kitchen, and that seemed to help, just a little bit. 

“I hear you are starting school tomorrow.” Ingrid said casually, noticing immediately that Will’s shoulders slumped a bit at the mention of school. 

“Yeah.” He mumbled, not raising his gaze from his race track. 

“Are you excited? Or nervous?” 

Will fiddled with his toy car, peeking up at the Norwegian for just a second before looking away. Then, he shrugged.

 “Nervous.” He whispered finally. 

Ingrid hummed, thinking. “Want to know a secret?” 

This time, Will made eye contact with her, holding it for a second as he nodded cautiously. 

“When I moved here to Barcelona to play football, I did not know any Spanish. I was so nervous and so scared because I was afraid I would not understand anything anyone said. It was a really hard change.” 

Will’s eyes were wide as he stared up at Ingrid in wonder, apparently shocked that grown ups could feel the way he was feeling, too. 

“Really?” 

“Really.” Ingrid confirmed. “But I did it, even though it was hard and scary.” 

“How?”

“Well, everyone was very nice to me, just like they’ll be nice to you at school. And whenever I did not understand something, I made sure to ask someone for help. It took a little bit, but I learned to understand Spanish, and I made friends with the girls on the team, and it wasn’t scary anymore. I just had to be a little brave at first.” 

“I don’t think I’m a brave boy.” Will whispered in response, eyes fixed on the ground in front of him as he tried not to cry. 

Ingrid just shook her head, though, resting her hand on the top of his head. “No, Will, I think you are very brave. Your Tia tells us all the time how brave you are.”

“She does?” Will’s head snapped up. 

Ingrid nodded, smiling at the both shy and thrilled look on the small boy’s face. “You just have to keep being brave tomorrow, and everything will go fine. Do you think you can do that?” 

Will nodded his head rapidly, chest puffing out a bit with pride at hearing how many people thought he was brave. 

Just then, you stepped into the room, smiling gratefully at Ingrid. “I don’t think anyone here wants dessert, right?” 

Will shot up from his spot on the carpet, charging over to you and crashing into your legs. “I do, Tia, I do!” 

You pretended not to hear him, keeping your eyes on Ingrid instead. “I don’t know where Will went, but I don’t think he wants dessert?” 

Ingrid laughed, shaking her head. “No, I don’t think he does.” 

Will huffed his annoyance, both his hands grabbing yours and pulling on them unrelentingly. “Tia! I’m right here! I want dessert!” 

You looked down at him, then, scooping him up into your arms and pressing kisses all over his face. “Alright, Willosaurus, let’s get you some vegetables for dessert.” 

Will groaned dramatically, ragdolling in your arms as you laughed, carrying him into the kitchen. Ingrid followed close behind, a very fond smile on her face. You’d spoken to her a few times about feeling like you weren’t doing well with Will, about how you weren’t cut out to raise a child. Now that she’d seen you with him, she was even more convinced you were wrong. Will didn’t belong anywhere else but with you. 

—

Will stood, staring up at the school building in front of him with nothing but apprehension in his eyes. His hand held yours tightly, even as the other students streamed into the school talking loudly amongst themselves in rapid Spanish. 

“Ready, buddy?” You asked, crouching down next to him and straightening his shirt. 

“I don’t want to, Tia.” He whispered back, the look on his face beyond pleading. 

The worst part was that you knew exactly how he was feeling. You’d spent much of your childhood being shuffled around different homes, and with each one came a new school. There was nothing worse than a first day at a new school, nothing worse than not knowing who anyone was and feeling eyes on you all day as you tried to acclimate yourself. 

“I know you don’t. But you’re going to be so brave for me, and you’re going to have so much fun and make friends and learn new things. Okay?” 

Will nodded shakily, though he looked very far from convinced. Alexia crouched down on his other side, fixing his hair with her hand before speaking. 

“You are going to do great, cariño. And we will be back to pick you up right when it is over.” 

“Promise?”

“We promise.” You replied, pulling him into your arms and kissing the top of his head. Once you let him go, he turned to Alexia, hugging her as well. She whispered something in his ear that made him giggle despite himself, and you could have cried seeing a smile on his face for the first time all morning. 

With a gentle nudge, he began walking over to his teacher, a very nice woman who’d had Will come in to meet her and see the classroom a few days prior, after school let out so Will wasn’t overwhelmed by the other students. She greeted him warmly, directing him to the line of other 5 year olds, all looking bigger than your nephew. Will was small, but he looked completely dwarfed by the other kids in his class, his anxious gaze flickering back to you every few seconds. 

“Come on, it is better if we go.” Alexia murmured, waving one more time at will before turning. 

“What did you say to him?” You wondered, intertwining your fingers with Alexia’s as she led you back to the car. 

She grinned mischievously. “That we can get ice cream after school.” 

You rolled your eyes good naturedly. “You’re spoiling him.” 

“No.” Alexia disagreed. “I am showing him how much we care.” 

There wasn’t much you could say to that. Instead, you slowed down and turned, craning your neck to see if you could still spot your nephew. 

“He’ll be okay, amor.” Alexia promised, pulling on your hand. “We have to go, or we will be late for training.” 

You knew she was right, yet you still stopped at the driver’s side of the car, weakly pulling at your girlfriend’s hand. “Ale?” 

She turned to look at you, a sympathetic smile on her face. 

“Can I have a hug?” You asked quietly, heat rushing to your cheeks at the question. 

“Of course you can.” Alexia replied, opening her arms for you to collapse into. You buried your face into the soft fabric of her sweatshirt, winding your arms around her and squeezing. She squeezed right back, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise.” 

—

Will hated school. Well, he wasn’t supposed to say he hated things. He didn’t like school. 

He didn’t like that almost all the other kids in his class were taller than him. He didn’t like that they all spoke Spanish so fast he had no idea what they were saying. He didn’t like that his teacher seemed to teach only in Spanish, even though he’d known that was going to be the case, [it was the fastest way for him to learn, or so you’d told him]. He didn’t like that the loud boys in the class hogged all the dinosaur figurines during playtime, and he didn’t like that he forgot the Spanish word for bathroom and had to ask to go in English in front of the whole class. They’d all giggled at him, hearing him speak for the first time, and he’d felt his face flush red and his eyes well with tears as he left the classroom. 

He didn’t like school. Most of all, he didn’t like that you were gone, and he had no way of knowing if you’d come back for him. The last time he’d been left at school… Well, he didn’t want to think about that. But the churning feeling in his tummy only continued as he imagined himself waiting outside for you to come get him as all the other kids got picked up, until he was the last one, and he knew you weren’t coming. 

You were his Tia, not his Mommy, and he wasn’t quite sure if that meant you had to come get him. Even if you and Alexia had promised. His Daddy had promised, too. 

And in the end, that hadn’t meant anything.

Will’s hands trembled as he unhooked his backpack from his cubby and pulled the straps over his shoulders. As relieved as he was to finally be done with the school day, he was beyond terrified to go outside. What if you weren’t there to get him? What if Alexia wasn’t either? He felt like he was reliving the worst day of his life, and if he walked outside and you weren’t there, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. What happened to kids in Spain with no parents and no Tia that wanted them? 

He walked slowly down the hall towards the doors, hoping that if he took longer, there was a better chance you’d actually be there when he got outside. Other kids passed him, excitedly rushing out to their parents, talking with their friends. Will thought about how sure you’d been that he was going to make friends, and he almost teared up as he pushed the doors open, realizing he hadn’t done what you wanted. He hadn’t been able to make a single friend. 

Will squinted his eyes in the sunlight, head whipping back and forth as he tried to catch a glimpse of you. At first, there was no one familiar. And then he looked to his left, shading his face with his hand, and saw you. 

Will really couldn’t help the dead sprint he broke into in your direction, crashing into your legs and holding on for dear life, even as you struggled to maintain your balance. Instead of scolding him, though, you just gently nudged him backwards, before bending down and pulling him into a hug. 

“Hi bud!” You held him tight for a moment, before pulling back and studying him closely. “How was it?! Did you have so much fun?” You asked, smiling so brightly at Will that he faltered. 

“Yeah! It was fun!” He lied, forcing a smile onto his face. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told the truth. Maybe he was embarrassed, or maybe he just didn’t want you to feel bad for him. Either way, the lie was out and you were pulling him into another hug and telling him how proud you were of him. 

“I’m so happy you had fun, sweetheart. It’s ice cream time now, huh?” 

Will nodded, even though his tummy still felt like it was full of butterflies. He’d lied, and lying was bad and he’d gotten himself into even more trouble than he would have been in if he’d just told you that he hadn’t made any friends. And all of it was all his fault. 

—

Dinner was a happy affair that evening as Alexia had picked up pizza, Will’s favorite. Though Will seemed a bit subdued, you assumed it was because it had been a long day for him, and he was likely just tired. You didn’t think much of it when he barely spoke as you handed him his plate, quietly taking a seat at the table and nibbling on the slice of pizza. You and Alexia had gotten caught up in the topic of your upcoming schedules, not noticing how Will seemed to shrink further and further into his seat. 

“And then Madrid the next weekend?” You asked, taking another bite of your pizza as you did so. 

“Yep. And then Champions League back the week after.” Alexia replied, scrolling through her calendar on her phone. “I was thinking this weekend might be the perfect game to bring Will, no? It’s at home, and my Mami was going to go so he can sit with her!”

You couldn’t help the way your heart melted at how excited she seemed about bringing Will. At how easily she had adjusted to having him living here. Maybe there was some jealousy there, because you sort of felt like you were drowning in this new role, failing, all the while Alexia was thriving as if she’d been born for it. You pushed that thought away, refocusing back on your girlfriend. 

“Good idea! He can wear my jersey.” You winked at her, not noticing how quiet your nephew had been. 

Alexia scoffed, glancing at Will but only seeing the top of his head as he seemed to be studying his pizza very closely. “Or he can wear mine. What do you think, Will? Whose name do you want to wear?” 

Will didn’t look up from his pizza, and this time both you and Alexia fixed your attention on him, frowning at the silence. 

“Will?” You asked, reaching out to rest your hand on his arm. 

He looked up, then, tears falling from his eyes as his lip quivered. 

“What’s wrong?” You and Alexia both asked frantically at the same time. You practically fell out of your chair trying to kneel next to him, resting your hand on his back as he began to shake with sobs. 

“You do not have to come to the match if you do not want to, cariño. Don’t cry.” Alexia tried to soothe, crouching down on the other side of his chair. 

“No,” Will whimpered, rubbing at his eyes with his fists as he tried to calm down. “No.” 

“No what, baby?” You asked, using your sleeve to wipe the tears off his cheeks. 

“N-not that.” 

It was odd that he was barely speaking in full sentences because Will was normally a pretty articulate kid. Whatever had him so worked up, though, was so upsetting that he couldn’t get a full sentence out without another round of sobs overtaking him. 

“You are not upset about going to the match?” Alexia wondered. 

Will shook his head, sniffling, before hesitantly reaching out to wrap his arms around your neck. You hugged him back, picking him up and standing. Alexia was right on your heels as you walked over to the couch, deciding that this didn’t seem to be a conversation you should try to have kneeling on the uncomfortable wooden floor of the kitchen. You settled on the couch with Alexia next to you, Will still hugging you tightly as you let him sit in your lap. 

“What’s going on, Will?” 

“I-I hate school.” Will mumbled. 

“What?” 

“I can’t understand what anyone says and I didn’t make any friends and all of them laughed at me when I asked to go to the bathroom and I hate it, Tia, I don’t want to go back.” He sobbed, the details of his horrible day spilling out of him as if he couldn’t hold back any longer. 

You and Alexia exchanged looks, for once the both of you rendered speechless. Everyone had assured you that Will would adjust fine to school, and though you’d had your doubts, you hadn’t been prepared for this and you weren’t sure how to fix it. 

“Buddy, why didn’t you tell me?” You wondered, knowing instantly that was the wrong thing to say as Will wrenched himself away from you like he’d been burned. 

“I’m sorry, Tia, I didn’t mean to lie, I didn’t want you to be mad because you told me to make friends and I didn’t but I tried and–”

“Vale, vale, breathe, Will. Calm mi niño, everything is okay.” Alexia cut in, resting her hand on his chest as she tried to get him to calm down. 

“Will, I would never be mad at you for any of that. I can’t imagine how hard today was for you, and I’m so proud of you for getting through it.  It’s hard to make friends, especially when you can’t understand any of the other kids, huh?” 

Will nodded tearfully, his breathing still shaky as he wiped at his tears. “I asked to play with the dinosaurs with them but they just looked at me weird and I didn’t get to play. They had a brachiosaurus, Tia, and I didn’t get to play with it.” 

Your heart broke for the little boy, and you made a mental note to get a brachiosaurus figurine the next time you were out. One look at Alexia told you she was thinking the same thing, a frown set on her face as she rubbed Will’s back softly. 

“Will, what if we practice some things to say? In Spanish, so you can talk a bit more and play with the dinosaurs.” Alexia suggested. Will shifted in your lap so he could look up at her, cautious hope in his eyes. 

“Really?” 

“Really.” Alexia replied, tickling his tummy when he wasn’t expecting it and causing him to burst into giggles. It was the best sound you’d heard all day. “We can finish dinner and–”

“Can we practice now? I’m not hungry.” Will interrupted. Alexia deferred to you, and with the two of them looking at you pleadingly, you knew you had no chance. 

“Alright, but I’m putting your pizza in the fridge in case you want it later.” 

You headed into the kitchen, mindlessly cleaning up from dinner and putting the leftovers in the fridge. As you did so, you heard Alexia begin her Spanish lesson, asking Will what he wanted to say in English, and then helping him translate. 

“Me llamo Will,” Alexia annunciated. “Me gustan los dinosaurios. Puedo jugar?” 

Will repeated it in clunky Spanish, but his accent wasn’t half bad and it was easy to understand what he was saying. 

“Very good!” Alexia cheered. “What about. ¿Quieres ser mi amigo?” 

Again, Will repeated it, looking over at where you were leaning against the doorway of the living room. “Tia! Did you hear me! I spoke Spanish!” 

You cleared your throat, finding it suddenly a bit choked up. “I did, buddy. I’m so proud of you.” 

Will was practically bouncing with excitement, a complete contradiction to how he’d been just 10 minutes before. He continued to converse back and forth with Alexia, who was clearly enjoying her role as Spanish teacher. 

And you were happy he was happy now, absolutely. Anxiety still swirled in your stomach at the thought that Will had been miserable at school, and tried to hide it from you. It felt like a failure, like you’d let down Leo, and let down Will. You joined in on the Spanish lesson a few minutes later, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t doing well enough. You weren’t good enough for Will. 

—

There was no chance you were sleeping, with the way your mind was racing. Alexia’s face was smooshed into your shoulder, one arm slung over your waist, but she was sleeping deeply, and it wasn’t hard to slip out of bed and head for the living room. You kept the lights off, collapsing onto the couch and burying your face in your hands. 

Everytime your eyes shut, you could see Will’s crumpled face as he sobbed, begging you not to send him back to school. This was your failure, and you should have seen it coming. You didn’t know what you were doing, you weren’t cut out for this. You weren’t good enough to be Will’s guardian. This had all been a massive mistake and today had only made that clearer. Will was miserable, and it was your fault. Solely, singularly your fault. You were failing Will, and you were failing your brother. 

You jumped when a hand came to rest on your shoulder, startling away from the contact and whipping your head around. 

“Hey, it is just me.” Alexia whispered, squeezing your shoulder before leaning to flick the lamp on. Her face fell when she looked back at you, and you realized for the first time that your face was wet with tears. “What’s wrong, amor? Why are you out here by yourself? You are upset, you should have woken me.” 

Alexia sat down next to you, wrapping a strong arm around your shoulders and tugging you into her. You let her pull you in, tucking your face into her neck as your hand gripped tight to her white sleep shirt. All you could do was sob, unrestrained, into your girlfriend. Alexia held you tightly, alternating between whispering reassurances into your ear and kissing the top of your head. 

When a few minutes had passed, though, and you showed no signs of telling Alexia what was wrong, she pulled away and cradled your face in her hands. 

“Talk to me, amor.” She whispered, dusting your cheek with a soft kiss. 

You inhaled shakily, letting Alexia’s thumbs gently swipe the tears off your face. 

“I’m horrible at this.” You choked out. “Will is… is miserable and it’s my fault. I’m not cut out for this, I don’t know anything about kids, I don’t know anything about a stable childhood. How am I supposed to do this? I can’t do this.” 

Alexia pulled you in tighter, shushing you softly. “You are not horrible at this. You’re doing your best–”

“My best isn’t enough, Ale,”

“It is! Your best is loving Will, and you are doing that. He is having trouble at school, sí, but this is not your fault, mi amorcita.” Alexia spoke earnestly, as though she believed every word she was saying. You wished you had the confidence in yourself that she seemed to so easily possess. 

“I’m not right for this.” 

“You are the only one right for this. You are what Will needs.” 

“I barely had parents, Alexia. I had no stability, all I had was Leo. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing, no idea–”

“That is how everyone feels when they first start taking care of a child. I feel that way, too, but–”

“It’s not the same, Alexia. You grew up with love and warmth. With parents that loved you and a family.” 

You hated the pitying look on Alexia’s face more than anything, so you attempted to stand and storm off. Your girlfriend wouldn’t let you, though, pulling you back down into her lap and nudging your chin up until you met her eyes. 

“I know it is different. It was so hard for you, amor, I know that. But just because you did not have a traditional family, this does not mean you do not know how to be a part of one. You love that little boy, and the rest will come. You just have to be patient. You just have to try your best. I know you can do it. I know you can.” Alexia murmured, her voice and words so sweet you felt more tears welling in your eyes. 

“How are you so sure?” 

Alexia pressed her forehead to yours, speaking without a single doubt in her voice. “Because you are a good and loving person, even if your brain tells you different. Leo trusts you, Will trusts you, and I trust you. You just have to trust yourself, amor.” 

Her words rattled around in your brain, even as she took your hand and pulled you back towards the bedroom. It was only once you were both settled back in bed in the dark that you spoke. 

“How are you so perfect? You’re so good to me and you’re so good with Will.” You whispered, voice muffled slightly by the fabric of her shirt. You felt her chest rise and fall a few times before she answered. 

“I’m not perfect. I just love you, amor. I am doing my best just like you.” She replied, fingers threading their way into your hair. You hummed at the sensation, snuggling further into your girlfriend’s chest. Alexia was much too humble, in your opinion. Overwhelmingly perfect and irrationally humble. 

—

please be nice to me i am very fragile right now [finals season has attempted to take my life but it cannot take my fanfiction]

[p0orbaby]

if you’re still doing blurbs could you do one with alexia where she’s dating a doctor who has a very busy schedule, and alexia has a concussion in the training and gors to the hospital, and alexia sends a message to reader telling about it but r doesn’t see and when shes going to take care of the next patient it’s alexia? lmao or maybe alexia and r have a daughter and her daughter gets injured and shes the next patient and r goes feral about it idk

i changed the injury but i hope you still like it !

-

The shift is hell, as usual. You’re striding through corridors, flicking through paperwork and half-listening to one of the interns ramble about a patient they’re struggling to diagnose. Something about abdominal pain and “maybe a foreign object ingestion?” You nod distractedly, mentally filing it under deal with later.

“Just send them for imaging,” you say, not breaking your stride. “And next time, don’t say ‘foreign object’ like you’re narrating a true crime documentary. It’s unsettling”

The intern stammers out a response, but you’re already waving them off. “You’ll be fine. Go. Be great or something.” Another day, another long list of problems, it seems. You let yourself drift into autopilot, the professional rhythm of your job taking over as you stride towards the cubicle and pull back the curtain.

“Hi, I’m Dr Putellas,” you begin, still not looking up. “What seems to be—”

“¿Estás bromeando?”

You freeze. Your grip on the clipboard tightens, and your heart drops into your stomach because that voice, that exasperated, honey-warm, decidedly unimpressed voice, belongs to your wife.

Your injured wife, apparently.

“Alexia?” you blurt, snapping your head up to find her sitting on the exam table, her left leg stretched out in front of her, an ice pack balanced precariously on her knee.

She doesn’t look happy.

“Hola, cariño,” she says, dry as dust. “Fancy seeing you here”

For a moment, all you can do is stare, caught between disbelief and irritation. “What—what happened? Why didn’t you call me?”

“I did call you,” she replies, gesturing to her phone sitting next to her on the table. “Several times. Apparently, you’re very busy and important”

Your stomach twists with guilt as you instinctively check your phone. Sure enough, three missed calls from Alexia. You curse under your breath, shoving it back into your pocket and stepping closer.

“Are you okay?” you ask, switching instantly from doctor mode to wife mode. “What happened? Is it bad? Why didn’t someone—”

“Relax, doctor,” Alexia interrupts, lifting her free hand to stop your avalanche of questions. “It’s not that bad. Just a tackle gone wrong at training”

You glance at the ice pack, then at her knee, which looks swollen but not grotesque. “Define ‘not that bad.’ Can you move it?”

Alexia sighs like you’re overreacting and flexes her leg a little, wincing but managing. “See? It’s fine. Probably just a sprain”

“Sprains don’t feel fine,” you mutter, already pulling on gloves and grabbing your supplies. You kneel down, gently pressing around her knee, watching her face for any reaction.

“Your hands are cold,” she says, the corner of her mouth twitching like she’s trying not to smile.

“Your knee is swollen,” you counter.

“Touché”

You’re quiet for a moment, focused on the task. The swelling isn’t as bad as you feared, but it’s enough to set off every alarm in your mind. You sit back on your heels, exhaling slowly.

“You need imaging,” you say firmly. “Just to be safe”

“Of course I do,” she replies, her tone light but her eyes softening. “Because I’m married to the most thorough doctor in this hospital”

“Don’t flirt with me right now,” you say, though your lips twitch in a betrayed smile. “You scared me”

Her expression softens further, and she reaches out, brushing her fingers against your cheek. “Lo siento, mi amor. I didn’t mean to”

You close your eyes briefly, leaning into her touch. Then, with a deep breath, you stand up, trying to refocus.

“Alright,” you say briskly, grabbing the chart again. “Let’s get you x-rayed and figure out what’s going on. And after that, you’re resting. No arguing.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Alexia says, her smile turning mischievous. “But I might need some help resting”

You narrow your eyes at her. “Careful, Putellas. I can still make you wait for a nurse”

“Please.” She gestures around dramatically. “You’d never leave me at the mercy of hospital food”

“Not unless you keep up that attitude,” you mutter, but your heart is already lighter.

You press a quick kiss to her temple before heading for the door. “I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere”

“Where would I go?” she calls after you, gesturing to her knee.

[fastandcarlos]

Mini Me : ̗̀➛ Sebastian Vettel

summary: one step at a time, seb plans on changing the world, and his little shadow is desperate to join him

Your smile widened as a familiar voice called through the house, spinning round to watch Seb as he slipped off his jacket, hanging it up by the door.

“Hi darling,” he grinned, walking into the kitchen to where you were.

“Hi,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around Seb’s neck as his grabbed at your waist. “How was your day?”

“It was good, some interesting meetings,” Seb mused, “not as good as being here though.”

“We’ve had a pretty busy day, I think you’d be quite impressed to see.”

“Can I?” Seb excitedly asked, pressing a kiss against your cheek. “Where is Lila anyway?”

“Living room,” you grinned, glancing through the slight gap in the doors to where your daughter was sat on the floor. “She’s been watching documentaries most of the afternoon, seems like she’s going to be a bit of a wildlife warrior like her father when she’s older,” you added, watching as Seb’s smile lit up.

He’d always prided himself on instilling his morals and awareness for the world on his daughter. He taught her a lot about protecting the environment, even though she was only five, Seb still made sure she knew her little things could have a major impact.

“Lila!” You shouted across to her, “there’s someone here who wants to see you.”

Your daughter scrambled to her feet, knowing exactly who you were on about. She couldn’t get to the kitchen quick enough, leaping into the air as Seb caught her and twirled her around.

“Mummy said that you’ve been busy, what have you been up to?” He asked her.

“Let me show you,” your daughter squealed, kicking out for Sebastian to put her down on the ground, running back into the room.

Seb stood impatiently as your daughter ran back in, holding several pieces of paper in her hands, laying them down on the floor for Seb to see. Each one had a different picture on it, with big text that you had drawn for your daughter to colour in.

“Wow,” Seb chuckled as he looked through each one. The posters your daughter had made were covered with endangered animals, many of them ones that her father had told her all about as he taught her about the world.

“I’m going to take them into school next week,” Lila informed him.

“There’s a show and tell at school next week,” you added, filling Seb in, “Lila wants to help educate some of her classmates about the planet.”

Seb almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing, struggling to believe that his little girl would do such a thing. Little did Seb realise quite how much his daughter idolised him though, wanting to stand for everything her dad stood for too.

“These are amazing sweetheart,” Seb complimented, reaching across and pulling Lila across to him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m sure everyone in your class will be blown away by these.”

“Do you really like them?”

“I don’t just like them, I love them,” Seb insisted, bringing a smile to her face again.

“We spent a lot of time making them, didn’t we Lila?”

“Mummy did all the letters, she said if I wrote them no one would know what they say,” she chuckled, poking her tongue out across at you. You shrugged back at her as Seb gave you a knowing look, chuckling to himself at you.

You’d tried your best to be as helpful as possible, but just like her dad, Lila was stubborn when she had a vision in mind. You helped where you could, but when you weren’t needed, she definitely let you know about it.

“Maybe you’ll have to get daddy to tell you some more information, you can teach your class,” you offered, watching their smiles turn up again.

“Would you help me daddy?” Lila quizzed.

“Of course, it would be my honour,” Seb smiled.

“I want to teach everyone about the planet, like how you always teach me to pick up rubbish and re…re…re, what’s the word again daddy?”

Seb couldn’t help but laugh as Lila struggling, ruffling the top of her head. “You want to teach your friends about recycling?”

Everywhere the two of you went Seb made sure to teach your daughter the importance of recycling and keeping things clean. The two of them had been known to go down to your local park with bin bags, picking up anything that they found.

“I bet you’re an expert on it Lila,” Seb chimed.

“No, but I want daddy to help me with it.”

“I’ll help, don’t worry.”

Your daughter climbed into Seb’s lap where he sat on the floor, wrapping her arms around his frame, squeezing him tight as if to silently thank him for his help.

“What about mummy? Can she help us too?” Seb asked, catching a glance of you smiling, watching their interactions closely.

“Mummy doesn’t care about the planet as much as we do, she’s done enough already.”

“Hey!” You laughed, your eyes widening in disbelief, “I care about keeping everything healthy and safe thank you.”

“This is our project now,” she challenged, shaking her head at you. “Daddy and I are going to start planning whilst you cook tea.”

“The boss has spoken,” Seb helplessly grinned, knowing out of the three of you Lila was definitely the one in charge.

“I can’t believe I’m being kicked out the team when I was the one who came up with the idea,” you gasped, pretending to hold your hand over your heart, letting Lila know just how disappointed you were.

“Sorry,” Seb whispered across to you as your daughter ran away again.

“I guess I just can’t compete with you,” you teased, offering your hand to help Seb up off of the floor. “Come on old man, it looks like our bossy madam is already waiting for you in the living room to get started.”

“I suppose you deserve some peace and quiet after having her all day,” Seb reasoned, groaning as he stood up.

“Lila’s much harder work than I bet driving a race car ever was,” you sniggered, nudging him in the direction of the living room. “I’ll give you a shout when tea is ready, if you can leave your little project alone for a minute.”

For the rest of the evening Seb and Lila put together her own presentation to give at school next week. You’d worked together to exhaust her so come bed she was flat out, leaving the two of you stretched out on the sofa just a couple of hours later, hands intertwined in with one another lazily.

You were blissfully unaware of Seb’s eyes on you as you rested into his side, struggling to keep your eyes open after a day of running around after your daughter on your own. It was only when he chuckled that you finally looked up at him, smiling wide as you noticed the big grin that was on his own face.

“How did we raise such a caring, kind-hearted girl?” You smiled, reaching up to cup the side of Seb’s face with your hand.

“Because we’ve taught her all the good in the world, and she’s got the best mum in the world,” Seb joked, kissing against the top of your head.

“You’re the one that teaches her all of these amazing things,” you reminded him.

“We’re both pretty cool then.”

“She definitely takes after you,” you argued, nudging against Seb’s side. “She’s the definition of like father, like daughter.”

“I never imagined myself having my own mini me.”

“You’ve definitely got one now.”

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Nightmare ships  

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

“Most terrifying ship I ever seen?”

Mordray repeated the question as he took a thoughtful bite of his xala and pondered the question.

“I’d have to say a Hive Node ship.”

Lithinio scoffed. “When the seven hells have you ever seen a Node ship?”

“I watched a documentary on it just last rotation.” Mordray countered rather defensively. “And having watched it I have to say I’m glad I never saw one in person since they eat entire ships whole.”

Ninten sighed and rubbed the ridges of his face. “Let me change the question then to “What is the most terrifying ship you have ever seen IN PERSON.””

Mordary took another bite as he took in the updated question while Lithinio stepped in with their own answer.

“I once saw a Dru Hunter Class while part of a convoy escort mission.” He took a sip of his drink and ran his hands through the air as if tracing the vessel.

“From bow to stern it was covered in spikes and upon each spike was a corpse. It was like a ship of the dead come to collect its toll of the living.”

“I heard the stories about those.” Ninten nodded. “Doesn’t matter if you were a victim, an enemy, or just some bad luck bastard in the wrong place at the wrong time; they’d spike you just the same. Where’d you see it?”

“The Dinar Campaign,” Lithinio replied, “they couldn’t beat our warriors on the ground so they’d send out small raiding space parties to hammer the transports and supply ships before ever reaching their worlds.”

“Lost a lot of good lads that war.”

The trio of crewmen turned to see the speaker at the table opposite them had turned around. They wore the uniform of an engineer but had several markings of honorary navy marine, honorary gunner, and even one for honorary helmsman. This could be none other than the legendary Midar Nus, the most famous crewman on the ship.

“Apologies for intruding,” Midar said sheepishly, “I was overhearing your conversation and it drew up some memories.”

‘You are more than welcome to join us sir.” Ninten said as his two comrades nodded and made room at their table for Midar to join. He smiled and took the offer, changing tables and nestling himself down in the now free space.

“No need for that protocol with me lad,” Midar spoke with a wintery grin as he eyed Ninten, “especially since you technically outrank me.”

“Experience counts for more than bars, sir.” Ninten replied without thinking.

Midar was taken aback by the boldness and for a moment Ninten thought he had overstepped himself. Instead, Midar let out a deep booming laugh and patted him on the back as Lithinio and Mordray let out a sigh of relief.

“We could have used a dozen more of you during that scuffle with the Dru; would have saved a lot of my friends.”

Ninten took the compliment and tried to redirect the conversation before he said something to ruin his now good standing with a living legend.

“What about you then? What’s the scariest ship you’ve ever seen?”

The trio listened in half expecting him to say something heroic like “I’ve never seen a ship worth being afraid of” or “I once thought I saw one, but it was really my mate’s in-law”. Instead, the old sailor replied without even pausing to think.

“The ones who piloted them don’t have a name for it officially; only a name they had given to them by a creature of their dark past.”

“Whose they?” Mordray asked as Lithinio smacked him for interrupting the answer.

“Humans crewed the things, though it’s been a thankful many years since I last encountered one of those damnable vessels.”

He leaned in close and slowly cast a frightful gaze across the three of his listeners.

“They called them “Frankenstein” ships.”

None of the three said a thing, partly because none of the three had any idea what that word meant. Midar saw this and further explained.

“There’s a story amongst humans about a human named “Dr. Victor Frankenstein”, and they were so focused on circumventing death itself that they began performing horrific experiments on the living and the dead.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ninten asked “How can you perform horrific experiments if the subject is dead?”

Midar shrugged. “Story goes the mad doctor took the chopped up pieces of several dead humans, sewed them together, and then brought the creature to life.” 

“Putting aside the continued depraved and discouraging nature of humanity,” Lithinio chimed in, “what does this have to do with their ship design?”

“Because,” Midar continued, “like their mad doctor humans have an infuriating habit carving up the parts from other ships and adding those parts to their own.”

He leaned back into his chair as he recounted his first experience. “The first time I found myself up against one of those ships was in the Delta Cluster. We just fought of a border incursion and were tasked with protecting the wreckage while we sifted for survivors.”

“We just finish a patrol when we got a strange energy signature return near the edge of the wreckage. So we went to investigate it and there we found a human ship the size of a frigate slowly drifting through the debris field using a variety of arms to grab bits and pieces of ships.”

“The captain ordered a scan of the ship and the returns were a confusing mishmash of technological parts.”

“A Thorian engine block, a Juriet power core, a Nexium stabilizer…” he said listing out a surprisingly long list of ship parts from different species.

“None of those parts are designed to work with other tech.” Mordray commented. He would know as he was part of the engineering crew and well trained in ship maintenance. “The Juriet power core alone would generate far too much power for a ship that size; dangerously so much that using it could trigger a system overload.”

Midar nodded at the crewman’s insight. “Indeed, were it not for the majority of that power also going towards a Feren Gel class shield system. We found that out when we tried to disable their engines and our volley bounced off the thing like oil on water.”

Lithinio let out a whistle in awe while Midar continued.

“After that the thing began to slowly turn to make a run out of system so we drove in hard ready to grab it with our tractor beams. We were just about to make it when a panel at the rear of the ship opened up and a turret protruded out of it.”

“One shot.” Midar remarked as he held up a single taloned finger. “It took one shot at us and shattered our shield, blew out our engines, and triggered a cascading system overload that left us dead in space as they plowed out of system and made a jump.”

Ninten grumbled as he pondered Midar’s words. “Must’ve been a Telkar railgun. It’d run the entire length of a frigate ship, but it’d pack enough of a punch to deal that kinda damage; but the recoil alone would’ve split a ship that size in half.”

“Which we later found out was counter acted by a Wu’l gravity displacement field. They jacked it to max just as the railgun would fire and the counter action would cancel out the recoil.”

“I’m still confused why these things are so scary to you?” Mordray asked with a hint of a mocking tone. “They sound like garbage barges held together with scraps.”

Midar took on an offended expression and straightened up. “They’re terrifying because you never know what you are going up against. Frigate size packing battleship class weaponry, a patrol craft that can launch mini black holes, a cruiser that interwove nanomachine and organic materials that could repair any damage; every and anything was on the table!”

The ships seemed beyond reason and logic but the enthusiasm with which he spoke there was some truth to each description.

Ninten took a sip from his drink and nodded in appreciation. “Only fitting for the species that defies existence to have ships that actively defy the laws of technology.”  

[vonlycaonwife]

would you be willing to do headcanons for how the guys (billy, wise, lycaon, ben) would treat the reader on a first date?

You mentioned the guys so I added Anton to the list! Can’t leave out the bro! Enjoy!

Warnings: guns mentioned (Billy)

I feel a first date with him is more casual, though Belle would’ve insisted on something more romantic. She would probably suggest at least a coffee date or dinner, while Wise more so planned a movie night.

Either way he sticks with his plan, since you had already agreed. Though he did make a compromise with his sister in letting her help pick the movies. Which ended up with a list of both documentaries and cheesy romance films.

It gets really awkward if any of the romance movies have more…intimate scenes. The both of you trying to skip over the scene and not make things even more awkward.

But other than that, it's a really fun date! He's really informative over the topics in the documentaries you watch, giving extra info and whatnot.

You two would end up falling asleep cuddling on his couch in his room, giving Belle the perfect opportunity to take a photo. She definitely plans to use it later to embarrass you both.

There’s several places I can think of a first date spot Billy would pick.

One of them being an arcade, mainly so he would be able to both beat you at the games. But also so he could look cool by winning the prizes for you, though the success rate of that is very hit or miss. Just never try to challenge him to a shooter game, you’re in for a world of ego pain.

Another place I can see is actually a shooting range, though that’s only if you’re cool with guns. It’s definitely another way for him to try and look cool by getting perfect scores (because of course it would turn into a game). But another bonus would be him showing you how to shoot a gun right with minimal recoil.

But one more place I feel he would take you is just a simple coffee date, though I can see this being more so suggested by the girls of Cunning Hares than something he thinks up of himself. It wouldn’t be a bad date! Though it may be a bit awkward when he can’t really eat or drink due to his face mask.

All in all no matter the setting you are gonna have tons of fun with this silly boy.

Ben gives me such casual vibes that I can’t really imagine anything but a simple coffee date as a first date.

He would be very sweet the whole time though, asks you about any allergies you may have just in case, pays for the both of you without even thinking about it, even leading the conversation if you’re shy or unsure.

The two of you would just be having a nice talk the whole time, unaware of how long it’s been since the start. Though after realizing the two of you still continue the dae by just walking around and taking in the sites of the city and the people walking by.

The only reason the date would end would be because either he got a call about a work emergency, for which he apologizes profusely over and promises to make up for it, or when you two finally notice how late it’s gotten. He definitely walks you back home, no questions asked.

It just would be so nice and calming, definitely evident of how being with him would be in my mind.

Now I don’t have a good read on Anton, but hear me out. Gym date.

I can see him thinking about this on the spot to be honest, though he’s not mad if it isn’t up your alley.

Other than that I can see him mainly just doing a simple dinner date, nothing too fancy but not it being just a random bar y'know? He would pay without asking because I can see him thinking of that being what the “man” is supposed to do. But he wouldn’t be pushy if you asked to split.

I feel like most of the energy we see would not be there since he would definitely be nervous about making a good impression. But once he relaxes it’s all back and a great conversation partner!

He would also walk you back home, and when he’s returned to his own place I can imagine him screaming while fistbumping the air in celebration of a good first date.

Oh boy, if you ever want a fancy first date this man already has the reservations set.

He’s showing up in a nice outfit, not the one he wears for work, with a sweet bouquet of your favorite flowers. And would lead you to the car he’s using for the night.

Now I don’t believe he would do like the fanciest restaurant, though he most likely could afford it, but it would definitely be high end enough for you to be dressed up enough. Plus he would have picked a place that was suited to your tastes and had your favorite dishes and desserts.

He just would be so sweet and romantic, but it would also be very obvious that he’s nervous about making a good impression. It’s easy to tell by how he’s making sure you’re having a good time. And once you confirm that you are, you might be able to see his tail wagging behind his chair a bit.

After having your fill, he would drive you back and drop you off at your door. If you let him he would leave a small kiss on your forehead before leaving. His tail subtly moving in happiness behind him.

[stervrucht]

Eddie Munson knows no one here.

The music is bad and the DJ is worse and he’s already regretting coming out in the first place.

Next to him, Chrissy Cunningham, his team lead is chatting with a freckled girl who introduces herself as ‘Robin something, legal assistant to the son-part of H&S Law’. She’s cute, but it’s in one ear, out the other—and really, he’s pretty proud he even remembered her name to begin with because he’s only been here for a week and there’s just so many goddamned people.

“You’re so lucky to start just in time for the party,” Robin yells over the music. And Eddie nods, smiles unconvincingly and stares back at the bottom of his empty glass when Robin and Chrissy continue chatting—or maybe that’s flirting?—who even knows.

He watches them for a moment. Studies how pink and blue and green lights paint their hair and watches a blush spread across Robin’s face before he moves his gaze towards the crowd.

God, he needs another drink.

And that’s the one good thing about these parties. It’s open bar and they serve everything because H&S Law is fucking big and fucking loaded.

Eddie excuses himself. Works his way into the crowd of people dancing to music that transitions badly—and yeah, he’s a music snob so sue him for caring about the the big fucking death-valley between songs. He must be the only one who cares though, because people are drunk as hell…

Leading by example really.

Eddie can’t wait to be shitfaced too, maybe make an ass of himself, who knows? Life’s too short to be a wallflower when there’s free booze at what people call ‘the happening of the year’.

Well, it’s happening alright.

Get drunk. Be stupid. Maybe get laid if he’s lucky.

‘Drunk Eddie’ got his back for that last part and right now…he has a distinct lack of alcohol in his blood.

So he cuts the crowd, gets stuck several times, squeezes between bodies and gets a few dirty looks from girls once they see there’s some random dude glued to their backs, but eventually, he makes it to the bar.

Leaning into it with one arm, he’s actually a little out of breath. Working up a light sweat too, which, frankly, is fucking embarrassing and he really should do something about that but…

He looks at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar and he…ugh. He looks bad. He quickly runs a hand through his hair, tries to get it presentable when the bartender obscures his view.

A little embarrassed, he asks for ‘something strong’, then turns his back, leans against the bar as he watches.

People watching.

He likes that. Like a nature documentary kinda.

There stands the female. She presents her curves to a group of potential mates. The males look on with interest—the biggest one, the alpha—squares his shoulders, a classic move indicative of strength and sexual prowess—

“You new here?”

Eddie tears his eyes away. Turns towards the sound and there’s a guy there holding a glass out to him.

Eddie takes it tentatively and the guy lets out a soft chuckle.

“Barkeep got your drink, like, two minutes ago. You were spaced. You drunk?”

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Eddie pauses, “Not drunk, by the way. Not yet.”

The guy eyes him curiously—brown eyes and brown hair and a carved kinda face.

He’s handsome.

So fucking handsome and just his type so Eddie eyes him down—does so shamelessly.

He’s wearing a white dress shirt and dark blue khakis, all proper and business-casual, and…yeah, he must be straight. No fucking doubt.

“Haven’t seen you around before.” The guy tries again, and Eddie realizes he didn’t answer his question like a real fucking jerk. But here’s the thing, once he starts like this…it’s kinda hard to stop and—whatever. It doesn’t really matter because he’s not getting into Mr. Straight’s pants so…

The guy stares and Eddie hums. Takes a sip of his drink—goddamned whiskey—and embraces whatever fuckery comes out of his mouth.

“Funny, because I’ve definitely seen you at my interview.”

Lies.

Absolute lies, but the way Handsome visibly pales…

“Wait, shit, are you for real?”

“Yeah. Glad to hear I left an impression.”

Eddie takes another sip and savors the burn in his throat as he watches Handsome panic.

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, man. I see so many people—”

“It’s cool. ’M Eddie.” He holds out his hands and Handsome shakes it with two fingers because he’s holding a glass in that hand.

It’s stupidly endearing.

“Steve, but I guess you knew that already.”

“Well, Steve, nice to meet you again,” Eddie says and Steve winces and it’s so, so very fun.

God.

“I really am sorry, man. And I’d totally buy you a round of drinks if they weren’t free already…” Steve trails. He looks so apologetic—borderline pathetic, and it’s really doing something for him.

Straight or not, Steve and him could have some real fun tonight.

And yeah, he’s a bit tipsy—not drunk, not yet—so Eddie downs the last of his whiskey at a rate he knows will get him fucking smashed in the next 15 minutes or so and sets the glass down on the bar.

“How about you treat me to a round of shots and we’ll call it even.”

Steve smiles and that too is just so…ugh. It’s unfair.

“Oh, you’re on,” Steve says, then calls the bartender over, raises four fingers while saying something Eddie can’t quite hear over the music, but when the bartender returns, he puts down four shots of clear liquid and Eddie knows that, hell yeah, he’s about to have a real good time.

Continue on AO3

-

Pairing: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson | Rating: E | Words: 5.5k | Part 1 of 2 | Tags: Office romance, Strangers to lovers, Power imbalance, Daddy kink, Sex tapes

[heartofbusan]

Best laid plans of stomach bugs and men.

The chemistry is the point.

Some people underestimate the effort and toll it takes on ones body and schedule to fly 14 hours to visit another person. 14 hours to spend 72 hours together means commitment. It means bro's before ho's and I am frankly HERE FOR IT.

The discourse I am seeing is extremely telling of how fickle people are about their support for jikook. People watch too much scripted reality tv 🙄 bcs they really expected this relationship, this reunion if you will, to play out in multiple angle close ups and medium shots and several wide angle shots with dramatic zooms and heavily directed post-moment recaps with dramatic silences or eye rolls to play up the drama? The lack of moments, the MUNDANITY if you will IS THE POINT. They are so real to me, so life like, so domestic goals!

Being quiet with each other. No uncomfortable silences, but comfortable togetherness.

That's what leads to horny bed fighting, which in my eyes could lead to more if not for the cameras 👀 just me?

When they said unscripted, this is what they meant. When they said unplanned, this is what they referred to. Not directed, not scripted, not fanservice 🙄 to fit a planned narrative. This is how their relationship plays out. I'd go so far as to call it a documentary instead of a reality series. While documentaries have tons of genres within itself, this genre is one where there's a broad range of planned activities, but where the narrative is constructed in post production: editing. Id know, since im an editor. This tells me that they counted on the natural chemistry between 'JeonJi' (SO CUTE) to 'lead the way' instead of a multitude of directed interactions that they (the producers) would have needed to tick a dramatic narrative box.

So what does that lead to? In my professional opinion as a director/editor the first two episodes lacked a dramatic arc. There was little directing going on to force one

the chemistry is the point

The flirting, the lulls in conversation, them being together, seeing them have fun, and reconnecting is the point. Instead of what they're doing or what they're talking about. The episodes, therefore, are kinda boring in the sense of entertainment, but wildly exiting in the sense of what we get to see play out. And it's incredibly nuanced. And nuance often flies over people's heads..again, the crowd that expects to be held by the hand when it comes to drama: reality tv.

It's a huge risk to take as a production. Let's not underestimate that! 'Are You Sure' was so unscripted that they didn’t even have a title until halfway into the second or third day. Again: they were banking on JeonJi to build upon their chaos to lead to a narrative and a title, etc. That is so telling to me. That them being together is the raison d'etre of this show. Jimin 'sacrificing' his time to fly to the US, Jeonkook making space in his busy schedule time to spend time unwinding, JeonJi making good on their need to finally spend time together after the booked and busy year they've had.

Jimin enjoying the hell out of Jungkook having fun.

Because that is who Jimin has always been: his adventurous spirit takes him places because he loves exploring and being in tue moment. He'll willingly travel to have those moments. Jungkook on the other hand doesn’t. He dislikes leaving the comfort of his surroundings because he doesn’t see the pot of gold that being adventurous brings him while he's comfortable in his home. I relate 😩 so much. Just planning trips alone makes me enter a comatose state, so I'd rather not go than sacrifice my rest to plan an adventure. I don't even know I'll get anything out of. That is, until Im actually on that planned trip and having the time of my life! They've always been like that. Jimin had to be the incentive to get Jungkook out on that trip. Take.him.by the hand if you will 😭😭

And then there's the stomach bug. YOU DAMMNED CURSED THING. It threw a HUGE wrench into their plans, and if anyone doesn’t take that into consideration, then you haven't had a stomachbug EVER while still having to face up to your commitments. Park Jimin will NEVER back down from his commitments, his promises *pinky promises* are sacred to him, and this bug took away the catalyst of this duo. Jungkook suddenly had to be the extrovert of the two, and boy, does he struggle in that role. He was to me his usuall baby elf self. So adorable and cute with his nose focused on food and Jimin’s care. But my man loves to rely on Jimin to lead the way in shenanigans and to make any moment entertaining, and you could just tell Jimin wasn't in his feels enough to overcome his lack of energy. Poor baby. Really, he's the best of us because I would have straight up refused to be filmed in that moment. A whole night of diarrhea and still showing up to film the next day?! NO MA'M NOT ME.

If you've read up to this point, I commend you. It was just supposed to be a short rant, but it became an entire essay because I can not with the overly reactionary nature some people show. Drawing entire conclusions based on two hour long episodes. I know, I might be contradicting myself here but extenuating circumstances and all. Jimin wasn’t on his game, and Jungkook was also recovering. When a show is banking on the chemistry between two people to shoulder the brunt of this show and said people are extremely sick, well then what can I tell you?

We need to sit back and enjoy the fact that we are getting such access to them, so unfiltered. Jikook enjoying each other, come rain or shine, in sickness and in health, whatever the mood brings, because that to me is more valuable than DRAMA or NARRATIVE. We'll probably get a bit more of that once they're going to Jeju, and they're both hopefully healthy. We're even getting a new element for them to play off of: Tete shows up! Like a jack in the box, and Jungkook seems to not be having it, lmao...see..unscripted and natural. I love that for them!

Idols are people first, and we need to celebrate that, not demand more.