#wasn’t sure where to put it in the main section

[sylver-drawer]

I want to remind everyone that Jennette and Ijekiel’s relationship in the novel never improves. Ijekiel may have ‘moved on’, but it wasn’t really of his own accord—it’s because Athy literally encouraged him to go with Jennette (which I’ve already mentioned whose encouragement stems from her rose-tinted glasses of dehumanizing both Ijekiel and Jennette). Jennette, whose feelings and psyche we’ve delved into multiple times throughout the novel, hates Ijekiel’s falsity the most. She may be afraid of his anger and frustration, but that’s because it would be so foreign to her—but at the same time, it would be relief because at the very least it means it’s Ijekiel finally laying his feelings bare to her. But Ijekiel made it clear to her during his rejection that he has no intention to ever be genuine to her—that he will keep up his mask, monitor his emotions closely while still spitting out cruel words as if he were angry, though he dare not present so. That’s what scares her most, and what she despises terribly.

So the novel ends with Jennette exiled to outside of Obelia, waking up after attempting to off herself with her magic, alone with the man who just conveyed to her that he will never be genuine or truthful with her. In Ijekiel’s side, the woman he loved just told him to go with Jennette—who he has SO much unpacked baggage with already, being that he never saw or acknowledged Jennette as a woman (not romantically, I’m saying he constantly views her as a child despite her being an adult and having multiple enigmas, personal conflict, and growth through the years), still and will always view her as someone who will chase after him and ignore his feelings or opinions (which stems from an image he himself wanted to uphold, Jennette always wanted him to give his true opinions and gave him PLENTY of times to reject her and her requests), and overall just has so much pent up feelings and resentment for Jennette for little things throughout his childhood that’s too much to resolve without a proper heart-to-heart with Jennette—which he already resolved to never doing.

Which ends the novel with both of them at basically their most uncomfortable, stuck with the person they very much never want to be around. It’s hell. It’s gonna be hell. They’re practically strangers—people who’ve been around each other for nearly two decades, but don’t know the first thing about the other. And now it’s extremely awkward because of their fight, and the line Ijekiel drew that because of Jennette’s extremely fragile mental state, will force Ijekiel to have to be the first one to reach out. And he won’t. Because he’s not used to reaching out, especially to Jennette of all people (as Jennette’s always been the one to try and reach out, and he’s always been the one to put up a mask and comply even if he truly wishes not to).

And we know this is true, because Athy and Lucas literally talk about it at the end of the LP sidestories. After Athy comes back from her LP adventure, she decides to take a trip and visit Jennette and Ijekiel—and Lucas states something along the lines of how they don’t even meet eachother’s eyes (Athy takes it as both of them not dating, which I’m completely confused about, and chalk it up to Plutus forcing a pairing somewhat, as when we last saw them they couldn’t even be called friends). When Athy and Jennette exchange letters, there is no mention of Jennette and Ijekiel’s relationship. Athy even remarks that, before Jennette started exchanging letters, her letters with Ijekiel were mostly of Jennette’s condition because (she) was worried about her (not that Ijekiel talks about Jennette on his own, Athy has to inquire about Jennette—which was also what Ijekiel was jealous of right before his rejection of Jennette, that Athy only seemed to love and ask about Jennette in his presence). Nothing has improved since the official end of the novel, and it’s the last we see of them, and I honestly don’t really have much faith that it’ll improve anytime soon. At least, not without Athy’s intervention, but that would require more of Athy’s own growth.

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　MIDNIGHT COMPANY

chris sturniolo x reader

SUMMARY: While filming a car video, the triplets witness a girl - Y/N - arguing with her boyfriend. When he smashes her phone and leaves her alone at midnight in the middle of a random parking lot, Chris steps in.

WARNING: Toxic relationship, yelling, fighting, being hurt physically and emotionally, manipulation, panicking.

REQUESTED?: Yes, by anon.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Y/N didn't meant for things to end up like that.

She really didn't.

She was just walking alongside her boyfriend through the Target aisles, her eyes darting nervously between the shelves and the floor.

But she should know better. He had already been irritated when they left the apartment - something about her taking too long to get ready - and now, every move she made felt like a mistake.

"Stick close." Her boyfriend had muttered, his voice low but firm. His eyes darted around the store, scanning the aisles of brightly colored products with an air of impatience. "I don’t want to spend all night in here."

Y/N nodded quickly, her throat dry.

"Okay."

They made their way down the main aisle, her boyfriend grabbing a few items and putting them into the cart with little regard. It was always like that; he made the decisions, and she just agreed and moved on.

He paused at the end of that same aisle, scanning the shelves with a discerning eye. She lingered a few steps behind, observing.

He grabbed a box of granola bars from the shelf, tossing it into the cart with a louder thud. She winced at the sound, her stomach knotting with unease.

"Why are you standing there? Do you see the cereal we get?" He asked, his tone clipped.

Her throat tightened. She scanned the shelves frantically, her eyes moving over the rows of colorful boxes. She wasn’t sure if it was the green box or the blue one.

"Um, I think..." She started, reaching hesitantly toward one of the options.

"Don’t think. Look." He snapped, already sounding exasperated.

Her hand faltered, and she pulled it back. Her heart was pounding, and her palms had grown clammy against the leather strap of her purse. She wanted to go home.

They turned into the household goods section, where shelves were lined with glass containers, picture frames, and other fragile items. Her boyfriend stopped abruptly, examining a set of drinking glasses with a critical eye.

"Do you think these match the ones we already have?" He asked, holding up a box with pretty crystal wine glasses.

Y/N hesitated, unsure if he wanted an answer or was just thinking out loud.

"I-I think so."

Her boyfriend sighed, setting the box down with a clatter.

"You’re not even paying attention."

"I am." She said quickly, her voice barely above a whisper, desperately searching for his free hand. "I promise."

"Whatever." He muttered, letting her squeeze his fingers once before dropping hers, moving on.

Y/N quickly followed, trying to stay out of his way, her eyes fixed on his tall figure, crossing her hands in front of her body and forcing her brain to pay more attention to anything he touched or pointed out. She couldn't risk him thinking that she didn't care.

As she passed by one of the shelves, her purse brushed against a precariously balanced display of small vases. Time seemed to slow as the first vase teetered, then fell, hitting the shelf below it and sending a chain reaction through the display.

Crash!

The sound was deafening. Glass shattered across the floor, the pieces glinting under the white lights. Y/N froze, her breath catching in her throat. She stared at the mess, her heart pounding so hard she thought it might burst out of her chest.

"Oh my god. Are you serious?" Her boyfriend hissed under his breath.

She dropped to her knees instinctively, trembling as she tried to gather the pieces with her bare hands.

"I’m sorry." She whispered, her voice trembling and desperate.

"You're fucking nbelievable." He muttered under his breath, loud enough for her to hear.

She stopped for a moment, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. She wasn’t crying because of the spilled glasses. It wasn’t even about the moment itself. It was about the weight of knowing that every mistake she made was a reason for him to get tired of her. To leave her.

"I’m sorry." She whispered, again and again, the words tumbling out of her mouth as though they might undo the damage. "I’m so s-sorry."

But it wasn’t just an apology. It was an instinctive response, born from the fear of making him feel any sort of negative emotion at all. She knew that he wouldn’t brush this off, wouldn’t laugh, and say it was no big deal. He would be mad, and she couldn't let him get mad at her. Not again.

She desperately wanted to shrink herself down into something more digestible for him at that moment. Something he could chew up, spit out, and discard - like gum.

A woman at the end of the aisle glanced over, her expression a mix of surprise and concern. A man on the opposite side peeked around the corner, his eyes narrowing as he took in the scene.

Y/N’s face burned with humiliation. She felt their stares on her, for sure, full of judgment. Her hands fumbled over the shards, shaking too hard to pick them up properly.

Her boyfriend crouched down beside her, his expression now unusually calm. His hand landed on her shoulder, but the grip was firm, bordering on painful.

"Y/N, honey, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself."

"I’m sorry." She whispered again, the tears on her eyes starting to burn her orbs with the force she used to stop the drops from escaping. She couldn’t let him see her break. She’d learned the hard way that crying only made him angrier.

"Stop it." He said more firmly, moving his hand through her arm, grabbing her wrist and pulling her hand away from the glass. He looked up at the people looking back at them and forced a polite, almost apologetic smile. "She’s... a little clumsy. Always has been. Right, honey? I know you didn’t mean to. You can’t help it, can you?"

Y/N stiffened, her stomach churning. She forced her head to move up and down, the movement coming out almost robotic.

"You’re just... distracted. All the time." He continued, his smile cold and tight. "That’s why these things happen. You can’t focus."

She wanted to argue, to tell him that she wasn’t some careless mess, but the words died in her throat. What good would it do?

"Here." He said, taking an empty cardboard box near them and shoving the pieces to the side with it, taking it all out of the way. "There. Fixed. See?"

She nodded, swallowing hard.

"Now, get up."

She stood, her knees wobbling slightly as she adjusted the strap of her purse. He grabbed her arm, his fingers digging into her skin.

"It’s okay." He continued, speaking louder now so the others could hear. "She just gets a little overwhelmed sometimes. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of this."

The man at the end of the aisle nodded, giving her boyfriend a small, understanding smile. The woman pursed her lips and turned away, muttering something about how 'accidents happen'.

"Let’s go." He said through clenched teeth as he started walking toward the exit.

"But-"

"No." His voice was low, but the warning was clear. He smiled tightly at the few remaining onlookers as he dragged her past them.

Her face burned with humiliation, but she kept quiet, her eyes glued to the floor. His grip tightened when her feet seemed to disobey her brain, and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying out.

The automatic doors slid open, and the cool night air rushed over her, but it did nothing to calm the storm inside her head. Her boyfriend’s pace didn’t slow, his hand still gripping her skin as he led her toward the parking lot.

Her heart was pounding, her thoughts spiraling into chaos. She felt like a child being scolded, small and powerless, her voice locked somewhere deep inside her throat.

When they reached the car, he finally let go of her arm, shoving her away as if she were a piece of garbage. She stumbled slightly, catching herself against the side of the car, waiting for whatever came next.

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From the other side of their spot in the parking lot, the triplets were parked, their van slightly away from the main entrance. It was Wednesday night, and they were filming their weekly video, the interior of the van alive with yells and laughter.

"... No, seriously, people do that sometimes." Chris said, turning slightly towards Matt while trying to prove his point. "Patches O'Houlihan, he did that."

Matt scoffed, looking at him with an 'are you serious?' look.

"From Dodgeball? The fictional character?" He laughed incredulously, looking at Nick through the rearview, ready for another weird thing to come out of Chris's mouth.

Nick's attention, however, wasn’t on him - or them, for that matter. It was on the world outside. He always had a habit of scanning his surroundings, probably in a way of caring for himself and his brothers.

As Chris kept going, earning a loud groan from Matt, Nick’s eyes caught movement across the parking lot, almost exactly in front of their van. Near one of the parked cars, a couple stood in the golden glow of a streetlamp.

Nick’s stomach twisted. Something about the way the guy loomed over the girl, his gestures sharp and erratic, immediately set off alarm bells. The girl was visibly distressed, her arms crossed over her chest, her posture shrinking with every second.

Without thinking, Nick leaned forward and slapped Chris on the shoulder, interrupting him.

"Nick, what the-" Chris began, turning sharply, his annoyance evident.

"Shut up." Nick hissed, his voice low but firm, cutting through Chris’s protest. He nodded toward the couple. "Look."

Chris frowned but followed Nick’s gaze, his expression shifting from irritation to curiosity and then to concern. Matt, who had been in the middle of adjusting his hoodie, leaned closer to the windshield.

"What’s going on?" Matt asked, his voice quieter now.

Nick didn’t answer, instead reaching for the button to lower his window, easing it down. A faint, angry voice carried into the van, growing clearer as the man’s yelling intensified.

"... do you even understand how embarrassing you are?"

The girl stood frozen, her arms clutching her sides as though trying to hold herself together. Her head was bowed, her hair shielding her face from the world. She didn’t respond, didn’t dare to look up, and that only seemed to fuel his anger.

"What the fuck?" Matt muttered, leaning forward slightly to get a better look, his eyes glued to the scene.

"You think I’m joking?" He snapped, stepping closer to her. "You think I enjoy having every pair of eyes in that store on me because you can’t manage to walk without causing a damn scene?" The man continued, stepping closer to her.

Her response was so soft that it barely reached the triplets’ ears.

"I’m sorry..."

"Sorry?" The man laughed bitterly. "You’re always sorry. You’re sorry when you spill coffee, you’re sorry when you trip over your own feet, and now you’re sorry for knocking over half a shelf like a goddamn child?"

The girl flinched at his words, biting her bottom lip while taking a small - almost imperceptible - step back.

Chris tensed after watching her reaction, his jaw tightening.

"This guy’s a piece of-"

"Chris, shush." Matt snapped, his voice low.

"I told you before, didn’t I? Stop acting like a fool every time we’re out in public. This is for your own good." The man spat.

"I didn’t mean to-" She started, but he cut her off quickly.

"Shut up!" He barked, his voice echoing across the lot. She shrank back, her body trembling. "You know better than to talk back to me." He growled, taking another step closer.

"I wasn’t-"

"Stop talking!" He barked, his voice echoing across the empty lot probably louder than intended. "Every time you open your mouth, you make it worse. Do you even understand that? Or are you too stupid to figure it out?"

Tears accumulated inside her eyeballs, shining below the lights.

"Look, I’ll call an Uber, okay?" Y/N murmured, her voice cracking. "You can go home and calm down. Please."

"Oh, you’ll call an Uber? Sure, let’s waste more of my money on your screw-ups." The man’s laugh was sharp and bitter.

She reached into her purse, her hands shaking as she pulled out her phone, unlocking it and trying to search for tha app, being harshly interrupted when the man snatched the device from her grip with such force that she stumbled.

Chris shifted uncomfortably, his fists clenched on his lap.

"Do we step in?"

"I don't think we should, not right now." Nick whispered.

"Give it back. Please, baby." She asked, her voice weak, trembling.

"Why? So you can text your little friends about what a terrible boyfriend I am?" He sneered, holding the phone high above his head.

Y/N's mouth dropped open, her wet eyes widening as if he had just committed the worst crime.

"Baby, please." She begged, her tears now falling freely, causing her voice to break. "I would never ever do that. I love you so much, you know that, right?"

He ignored her. With a single, violent motion, he hurled the phone to the ground. The sound of glass and plastic shattering against the pavement echoed in the silence.

She recoiled as though the blow had landed on her instead of the device, a squeak involuntarily escaping from her mouth. Her arms wrapped tighter around herself as she stared at the broken pieces. Her whole life, broken.

"Should've had taken that shit from you sooner." The man spat, shaking his head. "Pathetic. Can’t do anything right."

Matt and Nick exchanged horrified glances through the rearview, Chris's face pale by their side.

"P-please, don't leave me here, baby. I love you, I'm so sorry." The girl begged, gluing her hands in a praying gesture in front of her body. "I promise I'll do better."

"I can't even look at your face right now." The man shook his head. "I need some time, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer before storming off to the driver-side of his car, slamming the door and speeding out of the lot, tires screeching against the asphalt.

Y/N stood frozen, her trembling figure illuminated by the lights and the moon.

Chris didn’t think. One second, he was staring at her, and the next, his hand was on the van door handle, yanking it open.

"Chris!" Matt hissed from the driver’s seat. "What are you doing?"

"Chris- what the fuck?!" Nick added, his voice urgent but not loud enough to stop him.

But Chris couldn’t wait. He couldn’t sit there any longer, watching this girl suffer alone.

He bolted from the van, the cool night air hitting him like a slap, but he barely noticed. His long strides carried him across the parking lot, his heart pounding not from his pace but from pure urgency.

"Oh my god, he's crazy!" Matt’s groan echoed from behind him, but it was distant, like background noise.

He didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop.

The closer he got, the more his stomach churned. Her face was streaked with tears, her cheeks blotchy and raw from crying. But she wasn’t just crying. She was panicking. He could see it in the way her hands trembled uncontrollably, and in the way her breath came in short, sharp gasps.

Chris slowed as he approached her, not wanting to startle her. She was staring at the exit of the parking lot, her wide, unfocused and tear-filled eyes locked on the gate arm as though it was the only thing anchoring her to the ground.

"Hey." He said softly, his voice gentle but firm.

She flinched, her head snapping up, and her gaze locked on him as she took a step back. For a moment, she looked utterly terrified, and Chris's throat tightened.

He quickly held his hands up, palms out, trying to show her he wasn’t a threat.

"Hey, hey, it’s okay." He said quickly. "I just... I saw what happened, and I wanted to check if you’re okay."

Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but no words came out. Instead, a fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks. She shook her head, taking another step back, her back almost hitting the metal post of the streetlight.

"You don’t have to be scared." Chris said, his voice softer now, almost pleading. "I’m not going to hurt you, I swear. I just want to help."

She looked at him again, her watery eyes studying his face as though trying to figure out if he was lying.

Chris took a cautious step closer, keeping his movements slow.

"You’re shaking." He said gently. "It's freezing out here. Can I... can I give you my hoodie?"

She blinked at him, her brows furrowing slightly.

"Why?" She croaked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Because it’s cold, and you’re upset, and I’d feel better if you weren’t standing out here like this." Chris said honestly, shrugging off his hoodie - ignoring how the hairs on his arm fully stood up with the cold air - and holding it out to her.

She hesitated, her eyes darting from his face to the piece of clothing, then back again.

"It’s okay." Chris reassured her. "You don’t have to take it, but I promise it’s clean. And warm."

After what felt like an eternity, she slowly reached out and took the hoodie from him. Her hands were trembling so much that she almost dropped it, but she managed to pull it to her chest, pressing it against her covered skin.

"Thank you." She mumbled, her voice shaky.

Chris exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

"Of course. What’s your name?" He asked in a soft tone. "I'm Chris."

She blinked her eyes at him, frowning, clearly surprised by the question.

"Y-Y/N." She said hesitantly.

"Y/N." He repeated, offering her a small, reassuring smile. "It’s really nice to meet you... Um, do you want to sit down? You look like you need a second."

She looked around the parking lot again before nodding slowly, and Chris gestured to the curb nearby. He waited until she sat down before taking a seat a few feet away, giving her space but staying close enough that she wouldn’t feel alone.

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

"I’m fine." She finally said - even though it wasn't what Chris was expecting to hear, her voice cutting through the silence, hoarse and shaky.

Chris tilted his head slightly, his brows furrowing.

"I don’t think you are."

"I am." She insisted, but her voice cracked on the words, betraying her.

Chris turned his face slightly to the side to meet her eyes, curving his upper body, trying to make himself seem less imposing.

"I know you don’t know me. Well, only my name now." He said softly. "But I can tell you’re not fine. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be. Not after that."

She bit her lower lip hard, and for a second, Chris thought she might break down again. But instead, she straightened her spine, her trembling hands wiping at her tear-streaked face.

"It's not as bad as it looked. He was just angry." She said quietly, almost as if she was saying that to herself. "It’s not his fault. I... I messed up."

Chris’s heart sank at her words.

"You didn’t mess up." He said firmly, his voice laced with conviction.

She shook her head, her hands gripping the fabric of his hoodie tightly.

"I did. I dropped something, broke it, actually. It was stupid, and it drew attention to us, and... and he doesn’t like that. He was just trying to make me understand."

Chris stared at her, his chest tightening painfully.

"That’s not okay." He said softly. "No one should treat you like that, no matter what happened."

"You don’t understand." She said, her voice rising slightly as she hugged herself tighter. "He just... he gets frustrated sometimes, but it’s because he cares. He doesn’t mean to be mean."

Chris’s jaw clenched, a mix of anger and sadness boiling inside him.

"Love isn’t supposed to be like that, Y/N." He said gently. "It’s not supposed to hurt you and leave you standing in a parking lot crying, shaking, and alone."

Her eyes filled with fresh tears again, and she looked away, staring at the ground as if she couldn’t bear to meet his gaze.

"You don’t know him." She whispered, shaking her head vehemently.

Chris wanted to scream, to grab her shoulders, and shake her until she understood that what she was describing wasn’t love. It was control, manipulation, and abuse. But even though he had never helped a victim of a toxic and abusive relationship before, he knew he should keep his voice calm, so he did it, maintaining his tone soft and steady.

"You’re right." He said. "I don’t know him. But I know what I saw, and I can only imagine what it feels like to have someone make you think you’re the problem when you’re not."

Her head whipped toward him, her eyes narrowing.

"You don’t know anything about me."

Chris held up his hands.

"You’re right again. I don’t. But I’m not here to judge you. I’m here because I want to help. No strings, no expectations. Just... let me help. I can't leave you alone here for the rest of the night."

She shook her head again, her hands trembling as she brushed her hair out of her face.

"I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this. It isn't fair to him. He’d be so heartbroken if he knew."

Chris watched her for a second too long.

"But you deserve to talk to someone." He finally said. "You deserve to feel safe."

"I am safe!" She snapped, her voice ringing out in the empty parking lot. The declaration sounded hollow, as if she was trying to convince herself more than him.

Chris took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second.

"I just want to help you." He said, his tone pleading. "Do you have someone you can call? A family member, a friend? You can use my phone-"

Her reaction was immediate and panicked. She shook her head furiously, her eyes wide with fear as her body tightened, seeming ready to stand up and run.

"No! No, I can’t call anyone."

"Why not?" Chris asked gently, though his heart was racing, his eyes traveling quickly to his car where his brothers were before going back to Y/N. "They’d want to help you, just like I do."

"I said no!" She cried, her voice cracking. Her breathing was shallow and quick now, teetering on the edge of hyperventilation. "You don’t understand. I can’t just call someone. And you... you need to go. God, you shouldn’t even be here."

Chris frowned, his brows knitting together.

"Please, I’m just trying to-"

"You don’t get it." She interrupted, her voice hushed but frantic. She glanced around the parking lot as though expecting her boyfriend to be there somewhere, watching them. "He’s going to come back. And if he sees you here, if he thinks... you need to leave. Now."

Chris’s stomach dropped at the sheer terror in her voice.

"Y/N, he won't hurt you in any type of way while I'm here with you. I can promise you that." He moved a bit closer again, careful not to make any sudden movement. "Let me do something for you. Anything, please."

"You can’t." She whispered, her voice barely audible. "No one can. Please, just go. He’s going to be here soon, and I-I can’t let him see you."

She was holding onto that story like it was a lifeline, but the way her hands trembled and her breath hitched betrayed her doubt.

"What if he doesn’t?" Chris asked gently. "What if he’s not coming back tonight?"

Her face fell for a brief moment before she quickly masked it, straightening up.

"He will." She said, though there was no conviction in her tone. "He always does."

Chris nodded, looking around dismissively.

"Okay. Maybe he will. But just in case... maybe you could let me help you. You don’t have to trust me, I get that. I'm a stranger. But let me offer you something. A safe place to wait."

"I don’t have anywhere to go." She admitted, her voice so quiet it was almost lost in the night air. "Just our house. And I don't think I should go back there now."

Chris’s heart twisted at her words and how uncertain they sound, but he kept his expression neutral, careful not to show pity.

"Okay." He said softly. "Then maybe you can just... talk to me. You don’t have to get in my car. We can sit out here. I’ll stay right here in the open where you can see me."

She hesitated, her eyes darting to the ground.

"Why do you care so much?"

Chris crossed his legs above the pavement, relaxing his posture further.

"Because I know what it’s like to feel like you’re on your own." He said simply. "And because I don’t think anyone should have to go through something like this alone. You don’t deserve that."

She hesitated, her gaze watching her hands above her thighs.

"I won’t call the police unless you want me to." Chris added. "I won’t push you to do anything you don't want to do. But you don’t have to deal with this alone."

Her lip quivered, and she closed her eyes tightly, her voice barely a whisper.

"I don’t even know what I’d do."

Chris’s heart ached for her, but he kept his tone steady.

"How about this." He said. "I’ll stay with you until you figure that out. If you want, I can take you to a hotel, or I can help you find somewhere else to stay for the night. But whatever you decide, I’m not going to leave you here."

She was silent for a long time, her shoulders rising and falling with each shaky breath. Finally, she nodded, just once.

"Okay." She said.

Chris exhaled slowly, relief washing over him.

"Okay." He echoed.

For the first time that night, she looked at him fully, her eyes filled with a mix of fear and cautious hope.

He opened his widest smile in response, leaning back slightly with his palms against the curb behind his back and glancing up at the sky.

"You know." He started, his tone casual. "This isn’t exactly the way I imagined spending my Wednesday night."

Her eyes scanned his face carefully, frowning, feeling like she was the one to destroy his day - or night.

"What do you mean?" She asked hesitantly, her voice hoarse.

Chris shrugged, being careful not to mention his career. He didn't want to overwhelm her.

"Well, usually on Wednesdays, I’m sitting in my van with my brothers, arguing over who gets to pick the fast-food spot. We’re probably debating something ridiculous, too."

That earned him the smallest, almost imperceptible twitch of her lips. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was something. It encouraged Chris to continue.

"My brothers are idiots, by the way." He said, his tone light. "Don’t tell them I said that, though. They'll get big heads thinking I actually pay attention to their nonsense."

Her brow rose slightly, curiosity tugging at the edges of her expression, her body instinctively leaning towards him.

"What are they like?"

Chris chuckled, throwing his head to the side, laying his cheek against his shoulder and looking at her eyes.

"They're amazing. Weird, but amazing. They're so funny in their individual way, always making me laugh so hard that sometimes I feel like I could pass out."

This time, she let out a soft, breathy laugh, and Chris felt a flicker of warmth in his chest. It was small, but it was progress.

"You’re close with them?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah." Chris said, nodding. "It’s hard not to be when you all live and do everything together. But they’re good guys. Annoying as hell, but good."

She looked down at her hands, her fingers fidgeting with the frayed edge of his hoodie sleeve.

"Must be nice." She murmured.

Chris’s smile faltered for a moment, but he recovered quickly.

"It is." He admitted. "But, you know, we fight sometimes. Like, really fight. Last week, Matt threw a punch at me because I wouldn’t stop talking during his game."

Her lips twitched again, and this time, it was a small, shy smile.

"What were you saying?" She asked, her voice soft but carrying a hint of amusement.

"Oh, some random shit. Can’t even remember now. Probably something embarrassing, knowing me." Chris grinned. "Matt said I was ruining his concentration, but honestly, I think he just doesn’t appreciate my brain work."

She shook her head slightly, her smile lingering.

"You’re ridiculous." She said softly, almost reflexively, but as soon as the words left her mouth, her expression shifted. Her body tensed up, her shoulders pulling in as her eyes darted to him in alarm. "I didn’t mean-"

"Guilty as charged." Chris smoothly interrupted her, opening a smirk while looking at her, trying to express through his eyes that it was okay. "But, hey, if ridiculous is what it takes to make you laugh, then I’m all in."

Her looked down again at the pavement, scraping her shoes over the small rocks.

"Thanks." She said quietly.

"For what?" Chris asked, his voice gentle.

"For... keeping me company." She said, her gaze fixed on her lap. "I don’t feel... as bad right now."

Chris felt a lump in his throat but pushed it down, keeping his tone light.

"Anytime." He said. "I’ve got a whole arsenal of dumb stories and good jokes if you need them."

She looked at him then, her eyes softer than before.

"You’re really nice." She said, pressing her lips in a fine line.

Chris shrugged, a faint blush creeping up his neck.

"I just don’t like seeing people hurt." He said honestly. "And, I don’t know, you seem like someone who deserves a lot better than... all this."

Her eyes filled with tears, and for a moment, Chris thought she might start crying again. Instead, she took a deep breath and nodded.

"Thanks." She said again, her voice steadier this time.

Chris gave her a warm smile.

"No problem. Now, how do you feel about bad puns? Because I’ve got a killer one about a duck and a lawyer."

Her laughter filled the cold night air, causing a large smile to stretch across Chris's lips. He would do everything in his power to help this girl.

[dreaisgrayte]

Camp Maple | Sanemi Shinazugawa x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, kissing, friends to grudge to friends to sassy to lovers? childhood trauma, masturbation (fem and male), tad bit of angst, unprotected sex, cream pie, more to come? Honestly the ending could do with a rewrite but I'm too lazy for that right now.

word count: 17.5k

a/n: writers block sucks so I'm sorry if the end is trash. I wanted to get this out before school started up again. Unedited.

It’s fucking summer again. That meant working for your mother’s sleepaway camp. Maple Woods was a fun enough place to work when your mother wasn’t visiting, but if you had to work with that asshole again you highly doubt this would be the best summer ever that your mother promised you. At least last year he wasn’t scheduled to be a leader with you.

The main office is where you would grab your schedule and overall camp theme for this summer. It’s also where you could check what group you were head of. Luckily, the office building was right off the parking lot. The mess hall was a few yards down a worn rock pathway from the old brick building you were heading into. 

The yellow screen door swings open with a screech, and you’re met with the steady whir of box fans pointed at the one lady you enjoyed seeing every year. Her straight blonde hair flutters in the heavy breeze as she looks up from her monitor. Once her caramel brown eyes settle on you, a sugary sweet smile overtakes her features. “YN!” She exclaims, standing from behind the counter. “I’m so glad you decided to come back, sweetie.” She extends her arms, walking out toward you. This is your aunt, Yena. She practically helped raise you when your mother would drop you off. Your childhood home was a 10 minute drive away, and where you lived now was around 15 minutes, depending on how long you procrastinated in traffic in an attempt to prolong accidentally running into your mother. Yena made sure your group of friends had snacks and unlimited access to her office. She was there when you had your first period. In other words, Yena was like a mother to you, at least more than your actual biological one. 

You embrace each other, and the overwhelming smell of cinnamon hits your nose like a tidal wave. It was like home in a hug. “Like I had a choice.” You mumble but laugh with her after a beat. This felt nice, but you needed to settle in before the rest of the counselors flooded in and started the pre-camp party. “Ah, do you happen to know which cabin group I’ll be in charge of?” You inquire, holding her back from you. 

Her brows crease with thought, and then she looks excited, holding up a finger to tap your nose. “Ah my little honeysuckle, you are co-leading the caterpillars.” She hums in delight. You tilt your head. Co-leading? 

“Co-leading? With whom?” Your chest feels heavy. Last year, your co-leader was a slacker, leaving you with all the work and little time for yourself. Your group of kids were absolute sweethearts, so you didn’t mind too much. Still, the experience had put a bad taste in your mouth. Yena’s back to concentrating on your question, but this time, she shakes her head with a slight frown. 

“I’m sorry dear, I don’t remember. Though, I do remember thinking that you two are sure to make a good pair!” She clasps your hands excitedly at the latter part of her sentence. You force yourself to smile through the anxiety. 

“Heh, yeah.” In translation, you were screaming internally. “I’ll go figure it out.” The only thing you could do was head to your cabin and hope to bump into your co-lead. Maple Woods usually had 2 young adults co-lead a group of kids to keep things safe. The co-leads shared the head cabin, no matter what. It was the first cabin in a ring of 4 other ones. The campers were divided by age – that’s where the different sections came from – then put into co-ed cabins. One cabin could fit about 8 comfortably, depending on how many kids signed up. The caterpillars are the 2nd and 3rd grader sections. The co-leader cabin was bigger, but that’s only because of the shared bathroom and small kitchen area. 

The air smells fresh, and you get lost in memories for a moment. There was the main hall where the welcoming ceremony would be held, and a cement path through a small patch of trees off to the side led to the different sections of cabins. On the other side of the path, surrounded by a small patch of trees, was the mess hall where meals and activities would be held. The older kids had cabins further into the woods while your section of cabins was situated right by the lake. Down the middle, past the mess hall and cabins, was the maple woods lake. The sunlight is glittering off the ripples already. Peace. That’s what the lake reminded you of. Up a trail on the north side, there was even a secluded waterfall, but the kids didn’t get to know about that part. 

You walk down the cracked cement walkway, puttering around with a rock as you go. The green doors are easy enough to spot against the orangey light wood of the cabins. You were lucky. You got the cabins right by the lakefront. You hike up the stairs, noting a suitcase outside the left door. Okay, so someone was here. That was a good sign. Walking through the right door it hits you that you didn’t grab any of your bags from the car. You stop in the middle of the room, groaning loudly. “Shit.” You curse, turning on your heel. It takes about 10 minutes for you to clamber back into the room this time with your bags haphazardly strapped across your body. They slip off your body with no regard for your hair or your skin. 

The room is simple, a bed in the corner, a closet, a desk, and a nightstand with a cute lamp on it. To the left are two doors, one leads to the kitchenette area – the other leads to the Jack and Jill bathroom, in which you can hear rushing water. Your co-leader must be taking a preemptive shower. You give an approving nod, wishing you could take a shower yourself. Instead, you decide to wander through the far door and into the kitchenette area. There’s a round table with a chair on either side of it pushed under a window. A small amount of counter space – treated pine countertops – decked out with a stove, sink, and a few cabinets. A fridge acted as the counter stopper, which was right next to your room – hmm, useful. Across from the kitchen area was a single sofa with a TV mounted on the wall. You always loved the counselors’ cabins because they were full of useful amenities. 

You pull out a chair, sitting down at the table to peer out the window at Lake Maple. You hear a door open and turn your attention toward the sound with a cheerful smile. You had the full intention of greeting your co-leader. Instead, you’re met with the bare chest of a silver-haired and lilac-eyed asshole. A simple cotton towel is wrapped around his waist, water droplets still lazily pathing their way down his sinewy chest and past the line of the before-mentioned towel. Your brows knit together, and he does the same. “Sanemi,” you grumble, forcing a smile upon your lips. “Please tell me you’re a figment of my imagination.” This cannot be happening. Sanemi Shinazugawa can not be your co-leader. 

When you met him for the first time both of you had bonded over having a shit parent. His father was abusive, scarring his son emotionally and physically. Despite the jagged pink scar that travels over the bridge of his nose and three crossing over each other on his forehead, Sanemi was excessively attractive. He wore his scars as a badge of what he’d overcome, but you knew there was underlying disgust that was hidden away.

He rolls his eyes, frustratedly peering to the corner of the room. “Believe me darlin’ I’m just as annoyed by this as you are.” Heat floods your cheeks at his casual way of speaking. You cross your arms over your chest, standing up from your chair with dramatic grandeur. 

His eyes follow your actions, concentrating on the way you nearly stumble to the side. He quirks a smile and this only fuels your annoyance, which was amusing in its own right. “There has to be a way we can switch out,” You throw your hands up, exasperated. Sanemi shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips. 

He then jerks his head toward the general direction of the main office. “Already checked with Yena, they don’t trust anyone else but you’n me to run the caterpillar crew.” He explains, disdain practically dripping from his voice. You groan toward the ceiling. 

Of course, your mother would pull some shit like this. Making you work with the one person that could make you falter at your job. Was this a test? It was sure as hell annoying especially with Sanemi standing half-naked in front of you. “For fuck’s sake can you please go put on a shirt or something?” You pinch the bridge of your nose squeezing your eyes shut. 

Your words only earn a dark chuckle from the man across from you. “Why? I thought I could wear this to the bonfire.” He shoots back smugly. 

A long sigh blows past your lips as you decide not to honor him with a response. Instead, you head back into your room and slam the door. You fuss around with your hair, unpacking while you search for an outfit. Sanemi was so aggravating. With that smug look on his face and- you throw your hands down in frustration, frowning into the handheld mirror you propped against the wall. Sun earrings dangle from your ears, a simple gold chain around your throat, and mascara lifts your lashes. You put on high-waisted jean shorts and a pink bleach-washed tye-dye tank. Tennis shoes and white socks wrap it together. 

Your heart hammers an overwhelming rhythm as you blow out a breath. Sanemi Shinazugawa was sleeping in the same cabin as you, sharing food, time, and a bathroom. You had to get over this stupid grudge against him. It wasn’t healthy to latch onto something so silly for such a long time, but back then it hurt like hell. For the children, you had to put your past behind you. Maybe if you got drunk enough tonight you could talk to him about it, but those odds were very unlikely.  

There were a few people you wanted to chat with at the bonfire, have a few drinks, and then you’d be nicely tucked into bed ready for campers to start arriving tomorrow. Simple as that. A grin makes its way onto your face as you slip out of your cabin, but it quickly drops when you notice Sanemi leaning against the deck railing. You try not to sigh too loud, but he must hear it because he quirks a brow in your direction. “Why are you creepily waiting outside my door?” You inquire, gesturing to him. He huffs out a breath, stepping out of his leaning position. 

He’s wearing a black hoodie with shorts. You’re mildly upset by how good he looks in darker clothes. It contrasts his hair in such a way that captivates you. You shake those thoughts out of your head as he trots down the stairs, hands stuffed in his pockets. “I can’t very well leave you to walk to the spot by yourself.” He nods in the direction of the dark path that winds through the woods and up the rocky ledges. 

You raise your brows, joining him on the ground. “You think I can’t handle a little spooky path on my own?” You scoff. Sanemi rolls his eyes and the action pricks your skin. 

He starts walking toward the path’s entrance and when you don’t follow he gives you a pointed look. “Shall I remind you of when we were seven?” 

“Sanemi hold my hand! I’m scared!” You whine, grasping his hands when he doesn’t make a move. “Promise me you won’t leave my side!” 

You whinge, shuddering at the memory, but jog to catch up with him anyway. He turns his head to watch the path become progressively darker, a few lamps hung on trees here and there. A grin finds its way onto his lips at the way you walk closer to him every time you hear a noise. “For a girl who grew up out here, you sure are jumpy. If you get too scared you can always hold my hand again.” He blurts, not meaning to tease you, but when your reaction is flushed cheeks and a high-pitched squeak, he can’t help himself. 

Eventually, the flickering light of a campfire and the sound of laughter distracts you from the man walking next to you. You rush ahead, excitedly finding your way to Shinobu and Mitsuri, two of your closest friends. The only people invited to this bonfire were the kids who grew up coming to this camp and eventually became counselors or otherwise affiliated. 

Gyomei Himejima; the stern, yet emotional one that usually dealt with the older kids. He claims the young ones are too selfish and he’s unable to keep them in check. He’s the oldest one here but still has such a soft spirit despite not having any family to go home to. Gyomei honestly loves the summer gig, but always chats about his pet cat that he can’t wait to get back to. You guess that was his family to get back to. 

Tengen Uzui; Mister Casanova with the other counselors, but he’s rumored to be otherwise attached. Which was fine by you, Tengen was all talk, no action. Besides you didn’t want any action from him – his fan club would hunt you down and no matter how many defense classes you took, you would not be able to stop them.

Giyu Tomioka; the quiet one. He was great at his job but not the best at talking with the other counselors. He usually sat and listened to all of you talk on, interjecting a few times with his opinion. He was a genuine and good guy, you enjoyed talking to him one-on-one.

Kyojuro Rengoku; no one else could handle the little rascals than him. He worked with the younger children since he was as kind-hearted as they come. It takes a special type of person to do his job and no one could do it better than him, except maybe Mitsuri.

Mitsuri Kanroji; also works with the nursery and younger kids. She was a nurturer at heart, caring for the young ones was her specialty. You kept in contact with her and Shinobu the most outside of camp. 

Shinobu Kocho; was the head of the infirmary, in case a child got a pretty bad scrape or needed medication. She may appear stern, but she was actually a big softy when it came to caring for the injured.

Obanai Iguro; head of the kitchen and helps lead exploration hikes. Obanai didn’t talk much either, he had that mysterious bad-boy thing going for him – which unfortunately Mitsuri fawns over. He was also Sanemi’s best friend. 

The bonfire was an annual party held the day before camp starts. There was a rocky clearing at the top of the waterfall that fed into the lake. This spot had a perfect view of Camp Maple, overlooking the soft glowing lights and some people rushing around for last-minute chores. Memories intertwined themselves with the breeze rushing through the trees surrounding the group. It was like a second home up here or maybe more of an escape. Either way, the light feeling growing in your chest was a welcomed change from knowing you’d have to work with Sanemi. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world to happen to you. It still felt like a firecracker ready to explode in your face at any moment. There was bound to be trouble with this arrangement.

You glance at him, his eyes reflecting the warm glow of the fire. He’s grinning as he chats with Obanai, bringing a can of beer to his lips. You watch as his throat bobs, a dribble of liquid pooling at the corner of his mouth and eventually trickling down his neck. Before you can look away his eyes catch yours, a smirk lifting his lips as he pulls the can away. He raises his brows and your back straightens, your gaze quickly darting away. 

“Hey YN, have another drink.” Shinobu nudges you, passing you a bottle of liquor. You grin as you take it from her. 

The cool glass feels great against your mouth as you take a swig. The liquor burns a little as it slides down your throat, but it has a nice fruity taste to it. “Thanks,” You raise your glass to clink against hers. 

Mitsuri is on your other side, nervously wondering if she should talk to Obanai. “YN, would it be…weird for me to interject in their conversation?” She whispers in your ear, motioning discreetly to Obanai and Sanemi. You let out a soft sigh before chugging the rest of your drink. Your body fizzes with the warm gooey feeling of alochol. Mitsuri watches you with wide eyes, they sparkle in amazement. “Woah, that was really cool!” She exclaims. You huff out a laugh, extending your hand for Shinobu to hand you another. She does as you request and you pop open the cap with your teeth, letting the contents of the bottle slip into your mouth. Mitsuri claps excitedly, gaining the attention of the guys next to her. 

Sanemi stares at you, his brows knitting together slowly as he watches you swig one more bottle. You stand, swaying slightly as you turn to Sanemi. His gaze is trained on you, standing up as you stumble toward him. You crash into his arms, a dumb grin lining your lips. The group now looks on at the spectacle. “Nemi~” You coo, swinging your arms over his neck. Sanemi’s throat bobs, wrapping his muscular arm around your back to stabilize you. 

He laughs nervously, smiling with gritted teeth toward the rest of the group. “I’m going to take her back down,” He begins, pressing you tighter into his grip. You’re frustrated with how good his body feels against yours and when your shirt rides up a bit his skin feels like fire. Everyone seems in agreement, but you twist in his arms to shoot Mitsuri a thumbs up and a wink. Her face erupts in a red flurry and your goofy smile turns back to meet Sanemi’s gaze. 

You giggle at his stern expression. “Boop!” You squeak, tapping the tip of his nose with your finger. His brows raise slowly as he takes in your slumping condition. 

Sanemi turns around, squatting down on his haunches. “Get on.” He motions with his head for you to climb onto his back. You hum excitedly, slinging your arms over his neck. Your legs wobble as you try to position yourself over his back. He sighs, reaching behind him to swipe your calves out from under you. You squeal as he repositions you, sliding his warm big hands under your thighs. “Hold on tight darlin’.” He instructs and you listen well by pressing into his back, nuzzling your chin onto his shoulder. “Well, have a good night everyone.” He tries his best to wave, the group saying their goodbyes. 

The view from his back is enjoyable as he hikes down the trail. “You’re so strong,” You mumble, spanning your hands down his chest absentmindedly. Sanemi pauses, his muscles constricting as you touch him. 

He shoots a look over his shoulder as you grope him. “Yeah, I work out, now please stop harassing me.” He jumps you further up his back to keep you from slipping off. You giggle at the jostling motion. 

Despite his earlier complaint, he lets your hands roam over what parts of his body you can reach. There's a comfortable silence that falls over you both but as you peer into the woods a memory you’d rather not think about seeps into your mind. “Sanemi,” You start, trying to swallow the way your heart is beating – hopefully, he couldn’t feel it against his back. “I’m sorry I was so angry at you.” The apology comes out of nowhere, but Sanemi knows what you’re talking about. 

He stops in his tracks, shutting his eyes for a beat. “Don’t apologize for what you have every right to feel.” He takes in a deep breath, you can feel his body rise with the motion. “I didn’t think your mother would do that, I-” His voice cracks and he clears his throat before continuing. “I was just worried about you. I was too scared to find you so I went to your mother.” 

Your brows scrunch and you feel your chest tighten at his words. You tap his back. “I want down.” He silently helps you slide down his back. He still holds onto you, making sure you can stand on your own. You glare into his soft expression, bottom lip trembling. “You should’ve found me,” Your nose stings with the pressure of tears welling in your eyes. He watches you with a solemn frown. “You should’ve come to me!” Your voice raises, a tear falling down your cheek. You hit his chest, letting out a choked sob. “You knew Sanemi, you knew she’d be angry.” Your fist drops from his chest, coming up to cover your soaked face. “I hoped beyond everything that you would appear over the hill, not her.” You throw your hands down, shaking your head. He just stands there, letting you drunkenly yell and cry like an idiot in front of him. Letting you hit him, throw your words at him, and relive a past you’d rather forget. 

He takes a step forward, yearning to reach out for you. “YN…” His voice is soft and comforting – you hate the fact you want to fall into his arms again. Have him carry you to safety like he should’ve done all those years ago. 

You step away from him, raising your hands in front of your face. “No, no, I need time.” Your voice trembles and as you leave Sanemi standing there in the dark you cry all the way back to your bed.

❦❦❦❦❦

“Welcome to Camp Maple Woods!” Your mother clasps her hands together excitedly. You groan from your position against the back wall with the rest of the counselors. She continues with the opening speech, her grating voice making your hangover that much worse. Mitsuri bumps shoulders with you, an all too happy smile on her face. 

You wish for just a second that you could have her resilience, but being perfect sounds like too much work. “Hey!” She whispers loudly to you. You peer around you, acting like she was talking to someone else. Mitsuri isn’t pleased with your antics because she crosses her arms over her chest and gives you a pointed look. You immediately halt and motion for her to continue. “Obanai and I texted all night.” Her stern expression lifts into a grin as her cheeks light up with a rosy color. 

You’re about to celebrate with her when Sanemi walks through the back doors. The happiness you share with Mitsuri washes away. You swallow hard, eyeing him as he leans against the wall next to Obanai. Unfortunately for you, Mitsuri is very observant. She glances between you and Sanemi, narrowing her eyes. “Now campers are you ready to go on your tours!?” Your attention is drawn to the front where your mother claps her hands together. For a brief moment, she meets your gaze and your blood boils. “May all our wonderful counselors head up to the stage!? We’ll be getting into our sections now!”

You put on your best smile, following Mitsuri to the stairs. Sanemi jogs up behind you and the resolve you’d built up this morning before heading to the main hall nearly crumbles to the ground. You had done your best to wake up early, hate your life as little as possible, shower, get ready, and escape the cabin before bumping into him. His presence behind you is an annoying warmth you want to swat away. Mitsuri joins Kyojuro and you awkwardly stand next to Sanemi with a strained smile. 

His shoulder brushes against yours and your breath hitches quietly. Your mother appears in front of you both, a blank expression on her features as she holds out a caterpillar sign to you. Your throat tightens, but Sanemi swipes it from her before she can shove it in your hands. You glance at him, brows knit together. The last thing you hear from your mother is a click of her tongue as she moves down the line. “Thank you.” You whisper, heart thumping in your chest. Was he trying to make up for what you talked about last night? 

He glances down at you, his smile shifting to something different. “Come find us caterpillars!” He yells and you gawk at him. He shoots you a wink and your lips part in awe. Did he just wink at you? That was so… weird. You shake your head and flail your hands in the air. 

Children start surrounding you, awkwardly shuffling to make room for others. Sanemi hands you a slip of paper with a list of names on it. Attendance doesn’t take long since everyone seems to have gathered around you. “Alright crew, let’s head out on that tour!” You exclaim, pointing your hand toward the double doors in the back. “Squirm to it you little caterpillars!” You shoo them down the stage, giggles erupting from a few of them as you jump off the edge. 

Sanemi follows the rest of them down the stairs, still holding the sign in the air. You giggle at how seriously he’s taking the task. “Mister Sanemi?” A small girl tugs on his shorts once everyone is outside. He peeks down at her with an award-winning smile. “Why is she not miss Sanemi?” She points to you and your eyes go wide as you tense. What kind of question is that!? Was there some code of conduct that camp leaders had to married to each other? Was two names that hard to remember?

Sanemi squats down and suddenly you get a flashback of him doing the same thing last night for you. You swallow, watching as he jerks his head in your direction. “Miss YN isn’t my wife, so she doesn’t share my name.” He explains. You drag a hand down your face. You didn’t expect this type of question to be asked so soon or at all. 

The little girl frowns and another kid points at Sanemi. “B-but I saw you wink at her!” The boy yells accusingly. Shit.

Sanemi glances at you with a ‘I fucked up’ look. He turns back to the group of children swarming him. He laughs easily. “I had something in my eye…” He deadpans. All of them suspiciously glare at him. 

You step into the circle, patting the top of Sanemi’s head. “It’s our secret leader code,” You begin, nudging him with your hip. “Whenever we have info on the big bad boss we wink at each other.” You wink at the children and their little faces light up. “Now you’re all in on our secret mission. Ready caterpillars!?” You stomp your feet and salute them with seriousness. They gasp and follow suit.

“Yes miss YN!” Sanemi shoots up from his squatted position, saluting you with a stupidly handsome grin. You stutter for a moment, before going back to at ease. “Now, what do you say we drop all these heavy bags off at the cabins and start exploring?” Sanemi suggests, pointing to the small path that led to the caterpillar cabins. As he excitedly starts leading them off into the distance you make sure to gather the stragglers. A smile of your own tugs on the corners of your mouth. Maybe you did make a pretty good team. 

Sanemi takes a seat on the stairs of your cabin, observing the kids form cabins of their own. You plop down one stair down from him, an amused grin forming on his lips. “What are you grinning about?” You quiz, glancing at him. 

He shrugs, shifting himself onto the same step as you and leaning back against the other steps. You can’t help the way your heart seems to pick up river dancing, beating fully. “Just figurin’ since we’re agents together we should be close.” You glare over your shoulder, met with his lazy smirk in your direction. A huff compresses out of your mouth as you roll your eyes. “What? I like the way you act when I get close to you.” He laughs, eyeing your reaction – which was exactly what he wanted. 

From his vantage point, Sanemi can just about manage to see your cheeks flush before you turn away from him, hiding away in your arm. “Like I’m being infected?” You shoot back, quickly standing up and – definitely pretending – to stretch. 

Sanemi’s eyes slowly rake up the exposed skin of your back, his tongue swirling around in his mouth as if trying to imagine how you would taste. “Mmm, somethin’ like that.” He hums, grinning widely when you narrow your eyes at him. 

The group of children start lining up in the grass, playing with each other while waiting for the rest of them. Some of them you recognize from last year, it’s crazy how fast kids can grow and change. Once you recognize all of their faces you and Sanemi start the tour. 

There are specific things that a sleepaway camp needs to have. Such as the obvious answer, cabins. The next obvious thing on the list is a beautiful lake. “Lake Maple was discovered way back when and this camp was built around it to preserve the landscape. There are canoes, swim gear, and a nice dock to carefully jump from. Make sure if you go to the lake that you have either Mister Sanemi or myself with you for safety.” Sanemi watches you recite the information you were supposed to give out, but you seem genuinely excited talking about the camp’s history. It was endearing… and the way your eyes gleam reminds him of when you were little, climbing trees and always reaching your hand out to him. You never left him behind. He sighs, turning away from your speech. 

The next thing a camp needs is huge buildings where lots of kids can gather. “This is the mess hall, where we’ll have breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It’ll also be where some indoor activities are held. If we don’t gather here, we’ll meet up by the picnic benches back at Caterpillar Circle. Over there is the infirmary where Miss Shinobu will gladly help you out. The main office is the building you should’ve passed when you were dropped off, that’s where Mrs Yena will be with, sadly, the only phone that has any service.” You point out, then turn toward the woods on the other side of the main camp area. You gesture widely to the expanse, taking in a deep breath. “And this, my little squiggles,” the children giggle, “Is Maple Woods, where we will hike trails, explore the wonders of nature, and fight off the evil boss.” Without thinking you wink at Sanemi. You can tell by the way his eyes bulge that he wasn’t expecting it, but as the little heads slowly turn to watch his reaction he quickly winks back at you. You catch yourself sighing in relief that you wouldn’t have to lay in bed staring at the ceiling for too long tonight because of that. 

A little girl you recognize from previous years – Himari you think – raises her hand. You nod to her in recognition. “Are we going to have the first-day campfire?” She jumps up and down, the girls around her getting excited as well. You glance down at your watch, then up to the sky, then do the girls. 

It was already late in the afternoon, the kids would have dinner and then gather back at Caterpillar Circle for an evening get-to-know-each-other campfire session. You grin, kids always enjoy the fire for some concerning reason. “Way to steal my job Himari!” You laugh and she giggles along with you. “Okay everyone, you heard Himari, head back to your cabins and get ready for dinner. Then we’ll have some time to get closer before bedtime. We have a busy day of fun tomorrow.” When they stare at you blankly, obviously waiting for one of you to start leading the way, you start marching your way down the path with as much vigor as you can muster. 

Soon enough, you and Sanemi are back in your positions on the stairs to your cabin. That comfortable silence blankets you again, like the setting sun’s warmth. “Ya’know you’re really good at this,” Sanemi begins before blowing out a breath and turning to face you. “M’glad we get to work together.” He finishes, a distant glimmer of emotion swirling around in his lilac gaze. You suck in a breath, a storm brewing in your stomach. 

Sanemi was a good guy, that much was obvious, but all those years ago had driven a wedge between you two. He hadn’t said the words ‘I’m sorry’ yet, which was a small nuance in the grand scheme of things. Sanemi was never really the type to say an apology, instead, he showed you. You can’t expect that much to change within him and you’re kind of glad. He would make it up to you until you were sure the wounds had begun to heal. He was giving you time to make up your mind on whether or not you wanted to forgive him. “Me too,” You whisper against the breeze. 

A whole column of picnic tables lined up edge-to-edge belong to your crew as you file into the mess hall. A couple of other groups are already sitting down with food, including the littles. Mitsuri and Kyojuro wave excitedly at you and Sanemi. You grin, waving back. “Alright squiggles, show me how nicely you can line up to receive dinner. Then come sit down and we’ll have a little camp saying before we start eating together.” They scramble toward the food and you kick your legs under the table part, deflating slightly. 

Sanemi comes up behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder. It makes you straighten your back and whip around to look at him. His lips curl in a playful grin. “Want the usual?” You glance at the kitchen, your stomach growling softly. You look back to Sanemi, nodding eagerly. 

As he walks away you think back to when he’d grab you dinner all the time, sitting in this exact mess hall. “Don’t disappoint me Shinazugawa!” You yell and he shoots you a smug grin as he scoots in line next to one of the boys in your group, Kenji. 

Mitsuri peers at you from her table, glancing back at Sanemi. Something seems fishy, she just can’t put her finger on it. Before this month you were complaining about seeing him again and now you two appear to be chumming again. Did something happen that you weren’t telling her? She pouts, nuding Kyojuro. “Do those two seem friendlier?” She asks in a hushed tone. Kyojuro furrows his thick brows, humming as his gaze flips between his white-haired friend and you. He’s about to tell Mitsuri she’s off her rocker, but he catches Sanemi throwing a look back at you while you are otherwise occupied with kiddos sitting down next to you. 

Kyojuro turns to Mitsuri, concern written all over his face. “Yes,” He hisses and now Mitsuri is concerned you may have ingested a little too much alcohol trying to help her out.

After a couple of minutes, Sanemi places a tray of vanilla pudding, tater tots, and chicken tenders with honey mustard sauce in front of you. “M’lady.” He grins, slipping onto the bench across from you with a tray of his own. Hana smacks Sanemi’s arm and he peers down at her with a surprised look. “What was that about Hana?” He questions, holding onto his arm where she hit him. 

She puffs out her lips and points at you angrily. “Mister Sanemi, we just went over this. Miss YN is not your lady.” She crosses her arms glaring at him. His brows shoot up, giving you a look of amusement before patting Hana’s head.

She looks like she might bite him at first, but then she leans into his hand. “Only because Miss YN keeps rejecting me..” He smirks at you. Ha! As if!

You roll your eyes, but gather the attention of your tables. “Let’s sing my favorite camp song!” You lead them in the Camp Maple fighting song that ends with chanting the name of the camp. “Wake me up wake me up we’re going to camp! I can’t wait I can’t wait we’re going to camp! There it is there it is we’re going to camp! Which one which one!? C-A-M P…M-A-P L-E!” They seem to enjoy every second of it, mainly because they get to scream as loud as they can. Sanemi meets your gaze for a blissful second before you busy yourself with your food, biting into one of the chicken tenders. Delight rumbles from your chest as you swallow the meat. 

Sanemi can’t help but watch you stuff your face. On one hand, he’s amused by how you still enjoy the simple things in life. On the other hand, he’s concerned when his heart races at you picking up the vanilla pudding. Being the heathen you were, as a child you’d just eat it with your finger. You claimed you could get more out of a cup if you used your finger. He grips onto the bench, gritting his teeth as you follow suit, sticking your pointer finger in. The creamy pudding sits there momentarily before you pop it into your mouth. 

It’s a simple, innocent – completely fucking innocent – motion, but his thoughts shift to something more warm than the humidity. Fuck why was seeing you damp with light sweat making him hungry? When you let your tongue swirl around the tip of your finger it drives Sanemi mad. Is he panting? He feels like he’s panting. 

A bit of pudding is on the corner of your mouth, waiting there. His heated gaze mimics how your tongue darts out to collect it. He sucks on his lips, regarding how your plump lips look so fucking delicious right now. 

The only thing that snaps Sanemi out of his daze is Hana plopping a spoon in front of you with a disgusted look on her little features. “You know Miss YN, if you needed a spoon you could’ve just asked.” She grunts, shuddering. Your cheeks flush and for the briefest seconds, you gape, staring into his eyes. Your cheeks flush a vibrant pink and suddenly Sanemi is picking up the spoon and using it in his own pudding. Hana and you both gawk at him, but if he were allowed to feed into one desire this whole time, it would be watching you eat pudding with your finger. Especially if it meant you’d look at him like that again. 

“This is the best pudding I’ve ever had.” Sanemi mumbles and Hana sighs frustratedly. “Something wrong Hana?” He asks. She whips her head toward him with a frown. 

Sanemi has to roll his lips into his mouth to stop from laughing at how cute she’s glaring at him. “Yes, I’m going to have nightmares.” She huffs. Yeah me too, but they aren’t exactly going to be nightmares Sanemi thought. 

Dinner finishes and children run around your feet as you walk out of the mess hall. The short walk back to Caterpillar Circle feels like an eternity with Sanemi walking silently beside you. “Can we wear our pajamas to the campfire!?” Aoi breezes past you yelling. 

You quirk a brow. “How about we make it a race? Whoever is back at the picnic tables first… wins.” You eye the giddy looks on all of their faces. “Ready? Go!” You don’t expect Sanemi to bolt toward his side of the cabin. Oh, so he’s going to play it that way?

Kids scramble to their cabins, giggling and yelling. You’re also laughing as you quickly swing your door open. You spot the pajamas you’d laid out earlier this morning with a smirk on your lips. The one reason you suggested a race is because you had an advantage. Cheating? No, strategic gameplay.  

You tug your clothes off, and toss them in the hamper beside your desk. A pair of shorts and an oversized shirt later you’re rushing out of the door in your slippers. You glance to your side, grinning mischievously when you don’t see Sanemi coming out of his door. You pump your hand in the air victoriously, spinning around in a mini victory dance. You proudly take your time prancing down the stairs, but when you turn to head toward the picnic tables Sanemi is leaning against the end of one with an amused smirk tugging his lips upward. Your mouth falls open, glancing back at his door. “How…? You…?” You slump in defeat as you reach him. 

He chuckles softly, bumping arms with you. “Your victory dance was pretty cute.” He teases. You glare at him, shoving him back with your side. 

Cute? In what way did he mean that? Sanemi must’ve talked too much with Tengen to pull one of those lines. You mutter a string of curses as you sit down in one of the green plastic lawn chairs. The arms dig into your hips and you grunt uncomfortably, pushing yourself into a less painful position. 

Your thighs are pressed together as you squirm around in the chair and Sanemi finds himself ogling the space where your shorts disappear under your tummy. He wanted to run his tongue along that area while grazing his teeth along your thighs. A lascivious smirk pulls on his mouth as he clears his throat, turning his face to the sky. 

The campfire starts with each kiddo introducing themselves, where they’re from, and three interesting facts about them. After the introductions, you bring out the s’more fixings with a twinkling grin as the kids scream enthusiastically. The night ends with you and Sanemi carrying some of them who fall asleep back to their beds. It was a euphoric space in time, something about today felt so right. Maybe the following weeks wouldn’t be so bad.

❦❦❦❦❦

You were wrong, so wrong. Sanemi stands to your side with his swim shorts on, assessing your outfit. “So… you’re not going to swim?” He cocks his head, quirking a brow. You lean back further into the armless beach chair, crossing your arms over your chest. 

He closes his mouth, glancing at the group of kids playing with water toys in and out of the water. “Nope.” You reply. “Observing from a distance is more my thing.” You continue, sliding your sunglasses over your eyes so you don’t have to squint through the rays of the sun. Sanemi sighs, disappointment finding its way into his mind. 

This morning when he saw you in a camp shirt with jean shorts he was sure you had a bikini on underneath. The only reason he got through a kid screaming about not getting any bacon this morning was the light at the end of his tunnel – you in a tight flattering bikini. “Y’know I knew you weren’t girly, but this is a whole new level.” Sanemi pokes at you, hoping that the fiery spirit within you will shoot out if he bugs you enough.

You glare at him, gesturing to your outfit. “This outfit is very girly I’ll have you know.” Sanemi shakes his head like he doesn’t believe you so you scoot as quickly as you can out of the chair. “Fine, watch the kids. I’ll be right back.” You snap. As you’re stomping back to your room you can’t help but think maybe you acted exactly how he wanted you to. If that was the case, then you’d give him what he wants, but he’ll pay the price. The malicious grin that forms on your lips as you pull out your lavender string bikini is grounds to have you locked away. 

Sanemi throws a beach ball at a group of the boys in the face as they giggle. In the back of his head is a flurry of lewd images of you spread out on that damn beach chair with a revealing swimsuit on. The boys throw the ball back at him and it plinks against his chest. He shakes his head, reaching for the ball as the boys groan. Fantasies of you were a distraction so he couldn't even imagine what the real thing would do to him. “Woah…” He hears one of the boys whisper. He glances up, met with the heavenly picture of you walking down the bank in a light purple string bikini that laces across your front. The cups are simple triangles with a string wrapping around the back of your neck for support he would only suppose. The bottoms rise above the roundness of your hips, showing off the fullness of your body. Damn, his mouth felt dry as he can’t tear his eyes away from you. 

His stomach was a trainwreck of emotions, the ball long forgotten by Sanemi. He blinks rapidly, trying to get you out of his eyes, but it was damn hard when you slowly lay back down on the chair, crossing your ankles over each other. He can see the side of your ass and for a beat, he feels like he might lose control. Then one of the boys throws the beach ball at him, it smacks against his face. This was torture. He expected you to look good, but the thin fabric allowed him to see the indent of your nipples – a vivid image he was never going to forget. 

You smirk while lounging in the chair, studying the way Sanemi’s mouth falls open ever so slightly. It was a strange sense of gratification that he was so enraptured by how you appeared in the bikini. Almost like you were happy he was gaping at you, a fire lit behind his eyes that ignited something in your chest. If you weren’t careful you were bound to let it out at some point. 

Since you were lost in your thoughts you hadn’t noticed Sanemi stalking up to your side. You squeak when he appears next to you, dropping a towel over your exposed skin. You glare up at him through your sunglasses. “Did you walk out of every boy’s fantasy?” He grumbles, running a hand through his damp hair. 

Clicking your tongue, you toss the towel to the side and sit up in the chair. “Does that include yours Sanemi?” You inquire, pushing your sunglasses up through your hair. He stares at you for a while, mulling over what kind of response to give you. 

Suddenly, he scoffs and turns his back to you. “Yeah. Yeah it does.” You swallow hard at his confession, the sun’s heat no longer feeling as hot. You scoff, leaning back into the chair. He gives you one last glance before running back to play with the boys in the water. 

Was he being serious? He couldn’t have been…right? It wouldn’t make sense for Sanemi Shinazugawa, the guy whose seen you eat a bug, to have a fantasy – or whatever he meant about you. The confusion made the victory bikini less fun. 

At dinner, the kids are enraptured in a conversation about tomorrow’s canoe outing in the afternoon. This might seem silly, with you being a sleepaway camp counselor that has a giant lake as its main attraction… but you never learned how to fully swim. You can keep your head above water if you’re able to touch the bottom. It's something you haven't mentioned to anyone due to the fact you would die of embarrassment. “How quickly can you go Miss YN?” Hana’s eyes are pleading with you to answer her inquiry. 

So you smile, despite the obvious anxiety of where this answer might lead you. “Faster than Mister Sanemi.” You reply, jerking your thumb toward the white-haired male sitting a bit further down from you. 

He perks up at the mention of his name, meeting your eyes. “Did you just say you’re faster than me?” He laughs, scooting down to sit across from you. Hana nods ecstatically before you can brush off the challenge dripping from his voice. 

You sigh, shaking your hands in front of you. “Of course not. I wouldn’t dare reveal the truth about you being a slowpoke.” You tease. Sanemi quirks a brow, letting his eyes look you up and down. The simple motion makes your muscles tense with a buzzing sensation. 

He hums to himself, leaning back with a shake of his head. “I bet you can’t win in the beginners' course against me.” Sanemi smirks, the boys around him snickering. 

Your eye twitches at the smug look on his stupid face. You clasp your hands together, smiling with gritted teeth. “You’re on Shinazugawa.”

That was your second mistake of the week as you shakily got into a canoe the next morning dressed in a white shirt and comfortable black shorts. The kids were fine with pushing off the hike to another day to witness this extraordinary event. Sanemi is grinning victoriously already. It makes you want to slap him with the paddle you’re holding. “Ready?” He asks. 

The grip you have on the paddle tightens as you nod curtly. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You respond. Sanemi nods to one of the kids who starts a countdown before they all scream GO! Everything is going fine until you reach the turn. Sanemi is already far ahead of you and this becomes more of proving you can do it to yourself than winning against that smug bastard. 

With the paddle dipping into the water you manage to turn around the flagged buoy, children cheering your name. Your heart nearly explodes with happiness at the accomplishment. You make it a few more feet before you get too overzealous and the canoe starts to flip. As you crash into the water you knew you’d just have to flip yourself back over to – well, not drown. But something goes wrong and you slip out of the canoe, into the deep end of the lake. Murky water crowds your vision and a few thoughts crowd your mind. 

Will you get out of this alive? Is this some sort of divine intervention about how you’ve been previously living your life? Was this your canon event? You’d laugh at that one if you weren’t still sinking to what felt like the depths of the lake.

Would your mother even care? Okay, that one stings, but it’s something you think about a lot. When you’re driving and have one of those intrusive thoughts about wrecking. Would she care? Noticing a creepy person walking behind you at night. Would she come to your funeral? And now, as you lose the will to breathe. Would she remember what you smelt like, sounded like, looked like? 

Sanemi crawls out of his canoe, raising his hands in victory. He turns around to gloat in your face, but he’s met with your canoe upside down. You are nowhere in sight and after a second of you not popping back up, Sanemi frantically dives into the water. Where are you? His hands glide through the water, searching for any sign of your body. Where are you? Water fills his ears, only making the pounding in his chest louder with each stroke of his arms. He breaches the surface, gasping for air and twirling around to see anything – anything that would lead him to you. “Mister Sanemi! There!” A child screeches, pointing to the front side of your canoe. 

He plunges back in after taking a large gulp of air. He will find you this time. He’s not scared anymore. Not like all those years ago. He couldn’t lose you, not like this.

Amid some plant life is your floating body. If Sanemi were above water he thinks he’d cry with joy. He quickly moves toward you, scooping you up and pushing both of you toward the surface. Please please please don’t be too late. Sanemi’s mind is whirling with anxiety and his heart is pounding with the lack of oxygen. You both break through the surface, Sanemi pulling you along with him to shore. He deposits your limp body on the sand, panting and scanning for any sign of injury. 

You’re not breathing. Damnit. Sanemi’s jaw ticks as the children rush toward him. “Mister Sanemi give her CPR!” Hana yells, stomping her foot and mimicking the pushing rhythm he should be performing on you. He wipes his mouth, nostrils flaring as he slides to your side. His insides were twisting in unbreakable knots, squeezing his lungs of all air.

He pinches your nose and lowers his mouth to yours. “You can yell at me later,” He breathes quietly before connecting his lips to yours. As he pushes air through your lungs his lecherous mind drifts to how very wonderful your lips feel against his. They’re wet and taste like lake water, but they’re so damn soft. After a few more blows he worriedly looks at your chest. He doesn’t want to break your ribs, but if he has to in order to save your life – he’s going to.

Luckily, you chose now as the moment to gasp in air and then start hacking up lake water. Your eyes wildly scan your surroundings, locking onto the man hovering inches from your face. You squirm away from him, coughing into your hand. Sanemi and the children watch you with concern-stricken faces. You touch your throat gingerly, meeting the swirling lilac gaze of the male in front of you. “You saved me,” You croak out as it all falls into place, furrowing your brows. 

Hana pops into your view shaking her head. “Took him a long time to kiss you!” She yells, an annoyed pout on her lips. You glance back to Sanemi, his gaze still locked onto you. 

He cocks a grin in your direction which makes your heart swell. “I gave you mouth-to-mouth.” He explains and the worry about you being unconscious for your first kiss with Sanemi – not that you’ll have a first kiss with him – drifts away. The thought of his mouth on yours stays wandering in your head regardless. “Kids, can you hang out in the mess hall while I take Miss YN to the infirmary?” Sanemi questions, the children eagerly following instructions. He peers down at you once they’ve all scurried toward the big building. 

With a grunt, he slides his hands behind your neck and knees, hoisting you up bridal style. You yelp at how easily he holds you against his chest. “Hey, I can walk,” You grumble, glaring at his concentrated expression. He shakes his head, climbing up the bank. 

As he climbs you nearly tumble out of his arms. He cracks a smile, shifting you in his grasp. “Might wanna hold on tighter than that darlin’. Don’t worry, I won’t mind.” 

Begrudgingly you wrap your arms around his neck. The walk to the infirmary takes less than a couple of strides when he reaches the walkway. Shinobu worriedly meets your gaze when Sanemi kicks open the door with his foot. She stands from her desk, hurrying over to his side. “What happened!?” She assesses you with a scrutinizing look. “Put her down on that bed. I need to go get another bottle of aspirin from the main office. Sit tight.” Shinobu huffs, running a hand through her hair before slipping out of the door. 

Sanemi gently lays you on the bed, giving you a scan of his own. You swallow hard, wondering why your body feels so warm despite the brisk ac making your wet clothes stick to you. The way his lilac eyes regard you made something inside of you switch. He’d shown you how deeply he cared for you by saving your life. Granted, any decent person would’ve jumped in to pull you out of the water – but Sanemi looks shaken up. Like he almost lost you. It makes your chest heave, a heavyweight tugging on it as you reach up to touch his cheek. 

His worried look turns to you, a slight wobble in his irises as your thumb strokes the side of his face. “Hey… I’m here. I’m okay. You did such a good job.” You whisper, but yet your voice seems too loud. Sanemi leans into your touch, shutting his eyes as he takes in a shaky breath. 

It was all fun and games until he had to think of a world without you in it. The bottom line is he wouldn’t have a world without you. The grass would shrivel, the color would drain, and sunlight would simply cease to exist. “You should’ve told me you couldn’t swim.” His brows furrow and he opens his eyes to stare into your very soul. “Why didn’t you tell me? I was so worried YN.” He rolls his lips into a thin line, his chin trembling. 

It’s like you lose your breath all at once. This man, the one you thought didn’t have an ounce of compassion for you, was about to start crying because you failed to mention your lack of skill. You bump your forehead against his head, kissing his hairline. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” At your words he jerks away from your head, his eyes wildly scanning your face. Your breath holds tightly in your throat as time seemingly slows. 

Then his eyes fall to your lips and everything in the universe pulls you two together into a soft brush of the lips. Given the state of it, hidden behind a white curtain on the infirmary bed, the kiss felt too precious. Too wonderful. Your hand falls from his face and before you have a moment to give in to whatever was happening, Sanemi pulls away. He shoots to a standing position, turning on his heel. Your body cools instantly. Oh. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” He begins, taking a couple of steps toward the curtain. Oh. He quickly glances over his shoulder. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He hisses, then rushes out of the building nearly bumping into Shinobu as she walks back with a pill bottle in hand. She jumps back, eyes widening as she watches Sanemi stalk toward the mess hall. If it hadn’t been for the heat she might’ve mistaken the red on the tip of his ears as something else. 

❦❦❦❦❦

Weekends are set up for the kids to decide what they want to do. It’s a free period within reason. Most of them hang out in groups around the buildings, playing games or swimming. Weekends allow the leaders to get chores done around the campgrounds, like picking up trash, organizing things for the next week, arranging laundry, and supervising more involved things. 

You happened to spend most of the first weekend with a group of girls who wanted to use the craft supplies for next week. Since Sanemi was your co-leader there were times you had to speak with him, which made avoiding him incredibly difficult. 

The thing that upset you the most was even after he ran off, your heart still flutters at just the sight of him. Weren’t you supposed to be the master of your own emotions? It frustrated you to no end how you sought him out in crowds. At first, you tried to convince yourself it was a strategy to avoid him, but when he didn’t come to talk to you somehow your heart sank. 

Before you know it, Monday morning arrives, casting a stormy forecast for the rest of the week. It’s pouring heavily outside the mess hall windows. Fortunately, your group of kids are behaving even though it couldn’t be easy stuck inside all day. Your eyes are drawn to the other group happily stringing beads onto yarn. 

Sanemi sits amongst them with a warm smile on his face, actively trying not to glance at you. He can feel your gaze on him and it was making his heart feel weird, like he’d just run a mile or hiked up a trail. He presses his lips into a thin line, laughing absentmindedly at one of the boys spilling beads everywhere. 

The kiss. That’s all he could think about and it was ruining his life. All night he tossed and turned thinking about knocking your door down so he could do it again. Regret ran through every fiber of his being when he walked away. He thought he’d gotten over his fears, but it turns out that realizing you might have feelings for your good friend is not the easiest situation to be in. He was in a panic, fucking terrified you would hate him for kissing you. He didn’t even ask you, it just happened. What kind of scumbag was he? 

He groans, turning to face away from you. You huff, rolling your eyes. Fine, he could be that way if he wanted. He’s the one who kissed you anyway. This was all on Sanemi. Hana nudges her friends Keiko, Mai, and Akane. They all slowly turn to stare at you, then toward Sanemi. Keiko narrows her eyes while tying the knot on her bracelet. “Somethings wrong,” She mumbles, slipping the adorably crafted jewelry onto her arm. 

Mai and Akane nod vigorously. “Why are they avoiding each other?” Akane hisses, glancing back at their other leader. Hana shakes her head, stroking her chin in thought. 

Kenji appears behind the group, causing them all to jump. Mai slaps his shoulder and he giggles. “What’cha talkin’ ‘bout?” He pokes his head in between Akane and Mai’s shoulders. They collectively sigh, rolling their eyes at the annoying boy. 

Hana gestures to both leaders, pinching her brow. “For some reason, Mister Sanemi and Miss YN are avoiding each other.” She explains snappily. 

Kenji pops his head up, glancing at both of you. His mouth forms in the shape of an ‘o’. “Ah, this reminds me of when my mom and dad would fight and then ignore each other.” Hana perks up at his suggestion, slowly turning to look at her friends. 

Mai raises a brow and then grabs a piece of yarn. “There’s only one way to fix this.” She valiantly collects a bunch of green beads to mix with lilac ones. She picks out two heart-shaped beads that sit on either side of a letter in the middle. When she’s done, two bracelets sit in front of her. One has an ‘S’ with two red hearts on either side, followed by a pattern of lilac and green. The other is the same, except in the middle is the first letter of your name. “Matching friendship bracelets,” She holds them up, smiling triumphantly. 

Hana claps her hands together. “Wonderfully done Agent Mai, now let’s give it to them!” She grabs the ‘S’ one from Mai’s hands, running over to your side. “Miss YN!” She yells. “We made this for you!” Without much consideration for your wrist, she shoves it past your hand. 

“Here you go Mister Sanemi!” You turn to see Kenji holding what seems to be the same bracelet in front of Sanemi’s face. A roll of thunder shakes the valley outside and his eyes meet yours momentarily. It sends a shock of emotions through you.

Later that night as the rain plips against your window you stare at your wrist in awe. A growl echoes around your room and it takes you a moment to realize it was your stomach. It almost makes you crack a smile. You would’ve if you weren’t in such a daze as you walk out into the living room area. 

What you don’t expect to see is Sanemi leaning against the counter shirtless, with his sweats hanging loosely around his athletic hips. You swallow, taking your time to rake your eyes up his bare chest. When you end up meeting his gaze his lips tug into a smirk. “Enjoy the view?” He mutters, picking a peach up off the counter. 

Your brows furrow and you cross your arms over your chest defensively. “As a matter of fact, no I’m not.” You snap, scoffing and lying through your teeth. 

Sanemi shrugs, biting into the juicy peach tantalizingly slow. Juices leak from the broken skin, dribbling down his chin as he takes the flesh into his mouth. His tongue darts out to lick up a droplet escaping down the side of the fruit. You gulp as he continues to eat. The noises alone were enough to drive a woman mad, but the fact you were ovulating made everything so much worse. “Want one?” Sanemi asks, licking his lips of all the sticky juice. 

If you were crazy your mouth would fall open, allowing him to put the one he was eating into your mouth. “No.” You grumble, yanking a can of Pringles out of the cabinet. 

Sanemi watches how your ass curves as you stretch to reach into the upper cabinet. “Suit yourself,” He mutters, biting into the peach again. You roll your eyes and march right back into your room, tossing the pringles onto your bed. You ruffle your hair, silently screaming into the night. Fuck that guy for being shirtless. He waltzed around like a whore scrounging for some loose change obviously trying to get a rise out of you. Would the kiss go unmentioned forever? How were you supposed to be around Sanemi when all you could think about was how badly you wanted to jump his bones? You’re absolutely fucked. You grit your teeth together as you glare at the door. But damn did he have such a perfect body. The sweats, the lazy smile, the damn peach he bit into. It was all torture and he damn well knew it.

He wasn’t likely to figure out the full extent of your feelings– hell you didn’t even know exactly what you felt, but if he kept this up you might as well walk around with a neon sign on your forehead that reads I’d like to fuck Sanemi Shinazugawa. Maybe then your mother would pay attention to you. Not that you care.

You glance down at your wrist again, the letter ‘S’ spreading a grin across your face. This was stupid. So stupid. What if Sanemi was still in the other room? Or using the bathroom? What would you do then? You have a pit of desire and you wish Sanemi would clean it off with his teeth. Were you jealous of a peach? Groaning, you slip out of your bottom layer of clothing, discarding it on the floor. Things were getting dangerous. Your thoughts were supplying you with a fantasy world and you were about to become delusional. At least then you wouldn’t have to face the reality of this stupid – well, whatever it was. 

Positioning yourself against the corner of your bed, you spread your legs apart. The cool breeze from the ac hits your damp pussy and the sensation makes you slump against the wall. If Sanemi were between your legs right now he’d probably lick his lips and spread them even wider so he could have full range to lavish his tongue against your sensitive clit. A tiny moan whines from your throat. 

The image drives you to reach between your thighs, hissing when your fingers brush against your clit. His tongue would feel warm, wet, and slick as it laps at your folds. Your fingers plunge deeper, a strangled moan falling from your mouth.

Your breathing pattern stalls, hiccuping as you work yourself into a frenzy – the inside of your stomach feeling gooey and hot. His long thick fingers would slip into your pussy, teasing the entrance where you’d beg for him to fuck you later. He’d smirk, pleased with how you’re so desperate for his cock, for all of him. But he’d make you wait, good girls always wait for permission. You groan – a guttural pleasured groan. It rolls through your chest, cracking into a whimper at the end as you edge yourself closer to your crest. 

It’s like you’re seeing stars with how your fingers feel, you only wish Sanemi were here, ready to please like he usually is. His words and touch always elicit a response from you. He had to know that. What kind of response would he get out of you as he lined the tip of his cock up at your entrance? Making you bed for him to fuck you unconscious. You’d be such a good little slut for him. Taking all of him inside your hungry cunt until he clung to your hips, spilling his seed inside of you. 

A tense pinch of pleasure squeezes your core, crashing through your body with a string of perfectly pretty moans. Sanemi hadn’t meant to listen to you masturbating. It was an accident – he’d come to your door to apologize for allowing you to misunderstand his intentions. His knuckles had brushed against the wood of your door when he heard you gasp. Wondering if you were okay he pressed his ear to the door. Then, his muscles tensed as you purred out a moan. 

Sanemi was a decent man – or so he thought until his hand slips down to his growing bulge. He hisses as you whimper, gasping for air – your bed squeaking with movement. He wants to swing the door open and take in the sight of you sprawled out. What kind of face were you making while moaning like that? More importantly, what were you thinking about? 

You’re whimpering and the glint of the beads around Sanemi’s wrist sends his thoughts spiraling. The very same bracelet he wore on his arm was around yours. It was like he was between your legs, pressing his thumb against your clit to proudly watch you squirm in pleasure. His mouth waters, imagining how you’d taste after cumming. His cock aches to burrow into your wet warmth and stay there forever. 

He presses his forehead to the wood, letting out a tight breath as he strokes his length through the cloth of his sweatpants. If he stayed here any longer it would surely result in him knocking down your door. Not the valiant way he had thought about confessing. Sanemi steps away from your door, cursing under his breath. He holds up his arm, staring at the matching bracelet until he notices the first letter of your name. His gaze slowly makes it way back to the door. Was there an ‘S’ on yours? For his name? His eyes flutter shut, a trickle of possessiveness racking through his body. 

Tuesday is finger painting. The kids each get their own easel and insist you and Sanemi paint with them. The morning ends with Sanemi having paint smeared across his face and you with splotches on your arms. The afternoon is bubble painting, which results in bubbles being blown everywhere. Wednesday is crafting things with clay. You proudly present your monstrosity at the end of the day. Sanemi and the kids try their best to compliment whatever you had created, but you can tell they’re just being nice. 

When Thursday rolls around the kids want to draw and color all day so Sanemi and you make sure they have lots of construction paper, colors, and other supplies. You’re sitting with Hana’s group of friends and Sanemi is across the room with a group of boys, drawing furiously.

Kenji peers down at what Mister Sanemi had drawn. “Hey, that kind of looks like Miss YN,” He points at the stick figure holding the hand of the other one. Sanemi covers the page and shakes his head. 

Kenji somehow manages to push his arms off, grabbing the paper. “Oi! Brat, give that back!” He yells as Kenji runs over to your side. You smile down at him as he hands you the page. 

You cover your heart and your smile grows. “Aww, Kenji did you draw this?” You ask, your voice softening. 

He shakes his head vigorously. “Nope! Mister Sanemi drew you and him holding hands!” You glance up, meeting the flushed face of Sanemi standing over Kenji. His eyes look pleading as you drop your eyes to the drawing again. It did kind of look like you, but that would be impossible. Why would Sanemi draw something like this? 

“YN, listen…” He starts, brushing up against you. Your body stiffens at his close proximity. “I hadn’t finished, I was going to draw the kids in next.” He explains. You wish he would step back from your side because his warmth is driving you insane. 

Kenji giggles as he rushes back to his group of friends. “It wouldn’t matter anyway.” You state, handing the drawing back to Sanemi. “I could honestly care less what you draw.” You smile sarcastically and turn back to your group. Sanemi stands behind you for a moment, his heart yearning to reach out and touch you again – but he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He obviously already fucked up when he kissed you, after all you’d been avoiding him. It was best that he kept his distance to figure out how to talk to you and give you space so you’d listen to him.

The next morning you manage to chow down your breakfast before Sanemi enters the kitchen area. In all honesty, you were aware thinking about someone you were mad at while masturbating… wasn’t the best look. You didn’t want to think about the realities of what that meant for you since Sanemi was still being an asshole about the whole innocent kiss thing. The thoughts going through your head last night were far from innocent. 

You’re sitting in a lawn chair, writing down some ideas for today’s craft. The kids had to make puppets and come up with a script to perform in the afternoon. With your group of kids, things were bound to go smoothly. You grin, shutting your notebook and checking the time on your phone. It was almost time for the kids to meet you and Sanemi near the picnic benches. You glare at your cabin, waiting for the white-haired male to step out of his door at any moment. The knob turns and you quickly act like you weren’t blatantly waiting for him. “Mornin’ YN,” Sanemi calls, jogging up to your side. You roll your eyes, glancing at the casually attractive outfit he has on. A pair of fitted black shorts that accentuate the size of his muscular thighs with a loose gray shirt tucked into one side. 

He plops down next to you. “Why were you so late?” You interrogate. Sanemi quirks an easy smirk, eyeing you out of the corner of his eye.

Sanemi props one of his legs over the other, leaning further into the chair. “I had to take a shower,” He begins, raising his brows. “Could’ve used the company.” He cocks his head toward you, his lilac eyes filling with an expression you couldn’t pinpoint. 

Your brows furrow despite the blush spreading across your cheeks. “Scared of showering by yourself just like you’re scared of kissing people?” You snap and his playfulness is immediately wiped off his face. Where were these words coming from? Were you going crazy? The inside voices are becoming the outside voices! It’s too late now to back peddle. You scoff, turning away from him. “Don’t, I know you regret and it’s fine. I just figured you would’ve cut back on the flirting.” You push out of the chair. “I’m not some girl you can flirt with for the summer and then fuck off to wherever, okay? If you’re going to accidentally kiss me then fucking own up to it and talk to me like an adult. You made me feel so uncomfortable because I somehow thought it was my fault. So this whole cool-guy act needs to stop. Until we have a real conversation about what happened I would rather go back to friendly hating each other.” 

As you stomp away Sanemi feels the ‘oh shit’ factor roll through him. While he’d been trying to figure out his feelings toward you, he’d been allowing you to figure it out for him. You assumed he wanted some summer fun and thought better after kissing you, but that wasn’t it at all. Sanemi was falling, so fucking deeply in love with you. He had been ever since you were kids, but as a boy who grew up barely knowing what kindness was, it was hard to seek out those emotions. Now looking back to how he felt when you ran away into the woods that night… he realizes the panic of finding your mother was so you would be found as quickly as possible. No one saw you for a week after that and he’s still not sure what happened, but he knew it wasn’t good. 

He was stronger now and he’d stand up to your demons, slaying them with you by his side. He would protect you no matter what, but right now he had to explain this misunderstanding before it was too late. Kissing you was the best thing to happen to him – accident or not. It made him forget how shitty his life was and how blissful it could be by just seeing you. He’d fucked up.

After cooling off you wandered back to the growing group of children that rush you when they spot you. It makes your heart warm that they’re so excited. Sanemi watches you from a distance and you’re glad he seems to finally be listening to you. 

Leading the kids to the mess hall through the light morning rain is more peaceful than it should be. No one tries to jump in the mud, they stay in between you and Sanemi, walking politely. When you explain in detail what they’re supposed to do all of them get to work using craft paper and whatever was leftover from the week. The morning blows past and suddenly you’re sitting in a seat next to Sanemi as groups of kids put on puppet shows. Some of them make you snort with laughter and others are downright works of art. Then, Hana and her group of friends present their show. A spikey white-haired puppet and one that looks eerily like you pop up into the makeshift theater. 

Your eyes widen realizing what’s going on. “Hi there darling! I sure do love your face!” Kenji yells, playing the white-haired puppet. 

Slowly you and Sanemi make eye contact. “We should love each other’s faces forever. Then love our baby’s faces. Then love our-”

You shoot into a standing position, clapping your hands together. “Okay, that’ll wrap up the puppet shows everyone!” You demand, laughing nervously. What the actual fuck? You whisk around to glare at Hana and Kenji dramatically making the two puppets kiss. “Oi, William Shakespear and Agatha Cristi get over here, now.” You point to the spot next to you and Sanemi. Akane and Mai scurry away with the rest of the kids heading toward the snack table. 

Kenji and Hana meander toward you; pouts puffing out their bottom lips. “Guys, you can’t keep doing this.” Sanemi gestures to the puppets on their hands. “Miss YN and I aren’t some story you can just use willy-nilly. We’re real people with real emotions.” 

A scoffed laugh falls from your lips. “Mister Sanemi has a hard time with emotions anyway, that’s why this show wasn’t even true to life. He would never call someone darling.” You explain dully. 

Hana shakes her head, pointing to Sanemi. “Nu-uh! He called you darling the other day!” She exclaims. You glance at Sanemi and then drag a hand down your face. 

���Hana, this isn’t something you should be concerned with.”

“But we just want you and Mister Sanemi to make up.” She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s no fun while you guys are fighting.” Your eyes bulge as she talks. Did the kids care that much? And they noticed? Gosh, that was kind of sweet. 

Sanemi leans forward, ruffling Hana’s hair. “Don’t worry about it kiddo, we’ll work on it.” He glances at you with a slight smile. A sigh rushes through you as you nod in agreement. Kenji and Hana rush off to the snack table to join their friends. You can remember a time when you and Sanemi played pranks on the camp leaders. A growing ache suffocates your next breath. You peek at him, wondering where things went wrong. Part of you was mad that he walked away after the kiss and another part was angry because you enjoyed it so much. No matter what happened it felt like you couldn’t be friends with him. It was like the universe was keeping you away from each other for a reason unbeknownst to you.

When you both get back to the cabin nothing gets talked about. It’s an awful feeling, like abandonment all over again. Sanemi didn’t care enough about you to talk or explain why he kissed you. Everything was so nice until that stupid kiss that you couldn’t stop thinking about. The fact that it was that good, yet lasted about two seconds drives you mad. 

It’s not until Saturday morning as the sky quakes with thunder and heavy rain, that you decide enough is enough. If he wasn’t going to talk to you, then you’d have to take it into your own hands. That was until there was a knock on your outside door. You get out of bed and open it to find Yena holding an umbrella. Her eyes are filled with some sort of sorrow as she blows out a heavy breath. “YN, deary, I need to speak with one of your kiddos. Can you bring Kenji to the main office? His mother is on the phone.” She explains, a sad smile creasing her lips. You nod your head, looking toward the cabin you knew Kenji was sleeping in. 

You look back to Yena, wondering how serious it was for her to be so affected by it. “Yeah. Let me get dressed and I’ll bring him over before 8.” You reply, a cool wash of anxiety coating your insides. Yena nods. 

“I’ll see you then.” She turns to leave, walking out into the downpour. You study her retreating form before shaking off the dreadful feeling that was wrapping around you. After slipping into a comfy pair of shorts and a hoodie you run over to cabin 3. 

Knocking on the door a sleepy boy answers the door. You recognize him as Mikey, one of Kenji’s close friends. “Hey Mikey can you get Kenji for me, please? Tell him to get dressed and meet me out here.” You explain and the little boy shuts the door. 

A couple of minutes later Kenji pops out of the door, eagerly running up to you. He hugs your legs and bounces up and down. “Are we going on a special mission Miss YN!?” He yells, grabbing onto your hand. For some reason your heart aches, sensing something is off.

You bend down to his level anyway, putting on your biggest grin. “We sure are! I needed my bravest soldier to help me on a secret quest.” Your face becomes stern and Kenji giggles, running around in a circle. 

“Don’t worry Miss YN! I’ll protect you! Did’ya know I’m stronger than Mister Sanemi!?” He squeals, punching the air. You stand up, laughing off his comment about your co-leader. All those years carrying you around and taking care of his little brother were bound to build up excess strength. Plus those muscles of his were no joke…

Kenji latches onto your hand again as you walk the path to the main office. It’s not raining as hard as it was moments ago, but thunder still rolls through the sky. You walk him through the main office door, Yena waiting behind the counter with the phone pressed to her ear. She spots Kenji and waves him over. He sends a look at you over his shoulder before releasing your hand to walk to Yena’s side. She hands him the phone and his face instantly drops.

The hands of your past crawl back into your stomach, clawing out anything good and leaving behind gouges of trauma, boiling toward your throat. Kenji’s eyes start trembling as he clutches the phone to his ear. “No! No! You can’t!” He suddenly yells, pushing the phone away from him, sobs flooding from his mouth. You take a step toward him but he angrily glares at you before bursting through the front door. Yena slumps defeatedly against the wall. 

You glance at the door still swinging shut. “Yena, what’s going on?” You inquire softly, terrified of the answer she’d give you.

She looks up, a pained expression taking the light away from her face. “Kenji’s parents are divorcing. His father isn’t going to be there when he gets back.” 

Her words coast around in your brain before you turn on your heel and bolt after Kenji. No, no, please no. The similarities between your past and this moment is laughable as you cut through the trees. Your eyes wildly search for little Kenji, anywhere, somewhere. Thunder claps above your head but you ignore it, traveling further into the woods. “Kenji!” You scream, rain spitting into your eyes. “Kenji please come back!” You yell, cupping your hands around your mouth. You feel empty, yet full of terror. The same way you felt back then when your mother kicked your dad out of your life. The man that would take care of you when your mother got too angry or too drunk. He was gone forever, your protector. Left you to be fed to the monsters your mother harbored. 

You split through a clearing, breathing heavily as the rain comes down with torrential intent. You feel like crying, screaming, throwing yourself off a cliff even, but you catch a glimpse of Kenji’s red shirt huddled up against the hallow of a tree. “Miss YN!” He cries, holding out his arms for you. “I’m scared.” You rush to his side, bringing him tightly to your chest. 

The both of you cling to each other under the cover of the tree, sobbing with the sky. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.” You breathe, stroking his head. Kenji curls up in your arms, trembling with tiny hiccups. You knew these woods like the back of your hand, but as the rain blurs your vision the realization crashes over you. 

You had no idea where you were.

Sanemi watches the rain from his window, wondering what you were doing right now. He grunts as he slides off his bed, heading through the kitchen area to your door. He knocks lightly, aware that you might still be sleeping. “YN?” He calls out softly, but you don’t respond. He furrows his brows knocking harder. “YN?” His voice is firmer, but yet nothing comes from your room. He reached for the knob, twisting it open with ease. The door swings open revealing your empty room. He glances around, breathing in your scent and trying to push down the excitement of being in your personal space. He moves around your room, heading toward your outside door. He walks through it, feeling the cool breeze of the storm against his skin. 

Where were you? He spots a group of boys sitting outside their cabin. He jogs over to them through the rain, stopping under the cover of their deck. “What’cha up to?” Sanemi inquires, planning on asking them if they’d seen where you went. 

One of them looks at him. “Miss YN took Kenji and we’re waiting for him to come back because he wanted to play games with us.” He explains and Sanemi quirks a brow.

What was that about? “Do you know where?” Sanemi pushes. The same one that was talking to him shakes his head.

“They were headed toward the main office, but I’m not sure where exactly they were headed.” Sanemi thanks the group of boys before running toward the main office. When he swings open the door Yena is sitting at her desk with her head in her hands. She glances up when he walks further into the door. 

Her features soften, a worried expression crossing her face. “Oh Sanemi, thank goodness. I’m so worried.” She rises from her seat, crossing over the carpet to his side. 

A sense of dread hits the pit of his stomach like a weight of bricks. What was going on? Where were you? Why did Yena look so anxious? “What’s wrong?” Sanemi glances around the office, wishing that you’d pop out to surprise him. 

Yena places a hand on his shoulder, turning his attention back to her. “Kenji ran into the woods and YN followed him.” She explains. 

The feeling of concern amplifies as his blood cools. Not the woods again. “When?” He snaps, a strike of lightning illuminating the sky. Yena sighs, glancing at the clock on the wall. 

“About an hour ago,” She trails off, furrowing her brows together. “Sanemi, please, find them.” Without a second thought, he runs into the woods. A flash of when he was younger causes him to halt at the tree line. His heart is beating erratically in his chest as he stares through the trunks of thick forest. He’d been too scared to continue on back then, but you were probably frightened too. Who was he to love you if he couldn’t face your terror? It’s then that he lifts up his wrist to view the matching bracelet. He shakes off his nerves and starts jogging through the foliage.

The rain soaks through his shirt, slicking his hair to the side of his face. He had to find you. Just a week ago you nearly drowned on his watch because of a stupid bet and now you were lost in the woods during a strong storm. Were you trying to test his patience? No… you most likely ran after Kenji because of your inner child. Something wanted to heal that part of you. Being a child was difficult, especially when you were taught that emotions were wrong. 

Sanemi can remember the way your mother screamed as he pulled you angrily by your arm. Her grip left marks on you, red splotches of hatred spanning your tiny arm. She was cursing, screeching about how much of an embarrassment you were, if you loved your father so much then why didn’t you go find him? She was a pure blur of her past demons boiling up into one entity – against her own daughter. 

Now, he would plunge a sword through her heart and save you from the wild beast. Take you away somewhere safe. If only he’d understood more back then. It was all his fault. He had no right to have these feelings toward you when all he caused you was turmoil. Yet, he can’t help but see your smiling face, blushing cheeks, and sparkling eyes. The way you stop to smell the breeze of the lake. How joyful you are with the kids, genuinely caring for them. Your sassy remarks when he got too flirtatious with you. The way your lips felt against his in that blissful moment. He… truly loved you. Every ounce, curve, and flaw. “YN!” He screams, the beating of his heart echoing in his ears. 

Sanemi wants to tell you everything, instead of running to someone else. This was between you and him. He couldn’t last another second without telling you how much you meant to him. “YN! Where are you!?” He’s scanning the treeline, worry creasing his brows. 

You and Kenji still, then look at each other. “Is that Mister Sanemi?” He asks, eyes welling with tears again. You brush your thumb over his plump cheeks, soothing him.

It’s not helpful that your heart picks up its beating rate at the thought. Sanemi had come to find you – well you and Kenji. Regardless, you’re a little too happy about it. “Over here!” You scream, covering Kenji’s ears. 

Sanemi’s heart thumps against his ribcage as he hears you scream back for him. He glances around his surroundings, his eyes finally landing on a hint of red in the distance. “Hold on! I’m coming!” He charges toward the area your voice came from. 

He sees your face, a sloppy mess of tears and wet hair, and he wants to drop to his knees. “Thank goodness…” You whisper, letting Kenji run to hug Sanemi’s legs. His eyes are locked on your every movement, studying if you are okay. 

“We need to get you back, I don’t think you could’ve made it out of the forest.” Sanemi holds Kenji’s hand, waiting for you to start following him. Something holds you back though, a sinking feeling of guilt or shame – you weren’t sure which. 

You had cried and hidden away just like when you were younger. Sanemi didn’t come to save you… he came to prove a point. You were still just that little girl, running away from her problems. You’re silent the whole way back, emotions dancing with thoughts. Yena hugs you and then yells at you for running out without a map. Kenji is sent to get a check-up from Shinobu. Everything feels like it’s underwater, floating past you. Only when you’re in front of your cabin do you snap out of the daze, peering up at Sanemi. “You didn’t think I could make it out on my own…” You mutter. He turns to you, knitting his brows together. “I thought you were there to save me, but you were just there to prove that you could do it. It had nothing to do with me.” Your body feels frozen, numb even. 

Sanemi opens the door to his room. “That’s not it at all. Just give me a moment and we can talk about this later.” He replies, closing his door behind him. Later huh? You didn’t want later. Now was later. 

You rush to his door, swinging it open angrily. “No, you don’t get to walk away. We’re talking about this now.” You snap, taking in Sanemi without a shirt. Why did he always have no shirt on? You halt, mouth gaping. 

He sighs, tossing his wet shirt into his hamper. “Fine, you want to talk, let’s talk. It was careless of you to just run after Kenji like that.” He hisses, motioning to you. “Do you know how worried everyone was? I understand why you did it, but what if something had happened to the both of you? What then YN?” 

You march up to him, poking at his chest. “You don’t understand shit Sanemi! Kenji ran into the forest. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and wait for some big muscley man to go in and find him? I did what felt right and you cannot blame me for that!” Your voice is quaking, on the verge of tears. 

Sanemi scoffs, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m not blaming you! For fuck’s sake can you stop thinking that everyone is out to get you!? I am not your mother. I care about you and blame myself every fucking day for what happened back then.” Wow. Did he really just bring up your mother? A tormenting ache twists your gut, sucking up any energy you had left.

His nostrils are flaring and your body buzzes with a newfound heat. It’s anger, it’s sexual frustration, and its adrenaline all wrapped up into one. “Yeah well, you have a real funny way of showing how sorry you are. It’s so funny how you can kiss me one day and then act like nothing happened the next.” You laugh tightly and watch as his brows shoot up.

A sarcastic laugh bubbles out of his throat. “Unlike you, I don’t face everything head-on. I was terrified after I kissed you, because yes I kissed you. Do you have any idea how confusing it is to realize after all these years that I’m in love with you? Then to realize that I’ve fucked up so massively that there’s zero chance of anything ever happening?” He hisses, rolling his lips into a tight line after his confession. This wasn’t how he pictured telling you, but at least it was out there now for you to hear.

Your body tenses, staring at Sanemi with wild eyes. Love? He was in love with you? It was like a slap in the face and a warm blanket at the same time. “Then fucking change my mind,” You order. 

Sanemi’s eyes widen and his throat bobs with nerves. “Y’know I love it when you get bossy,” He whispers, grabbing your face with gentle vigor. The kiss starts off soft and genuine. Your hands travel into his soft hair, moaning lightly against his lips when his hands find their way to your ass. That’s when something animalistic awakens in the both of you. Sanemi spins you around and walks you back against the wall, pressing his knee between your legs. You groan through your mouth at the lovely pressure. 

His lips work against yours, deepening the kiss into something feral and needy. “God, I want you.” You huff out between a break. You feel a cocky smirk on your neck where Sanemi nips at the junction of your shoulder. All those times you imagined the quick peck between you both was nothing compared to this. Kissing Sanemi was like pouring hot magma onto a frozen lake. Your body was alive with pinpricks of electricity. 

You peer down, shakily watching him explore the planes of your body. This was all too much. He was someone you cherished, someone you hated… someone you – was it possible for you to even love someone? You care deeply for your friends, the kids, and this camp… but love? It's something so deep, so pure that it transcends everything. Did you love Sanemi Shinazugawa or were you crushing on him? The line was thin, but at the same time a cavern impossible to jump over. “Hey hey hey, where did you drift off to?” His voice breaks you out of the daze you were in. Your eyes blink up to meet his, soft and beautiful.

His warm hand reaches up to cup your cheek. “Do you need me to stop? I got caught up in my own selfish desires…” He trails off, looking away bashfully. Huh? Was this gruff man actually…adorable? 

Leaning into his hand you shake your head. “I was just thinking about insecurities,” You laugh, meeting his gaze. Sanemi’s face softens and for once you wish your home life had been different. There were times you were grateful that what happened to you made you stronger, more resilient to people’s bullshit. Spinning it into a postive made you think less about the trauma. Now… you want to be something soft Sanemi can mold with his love. You yearn to fall into his blanketed warmth where somehow you’d be safe. “But I’m better now.” You finish, realizing all at once that it didn’t matter if you loved him, because you could love him. Love was something you were able to feel, eventually, that is. He could teach you. “Sanemi, I really like you… do you think – do you think we could continue kissing?”

An airy laugh blows through his nose as he guides you into a sitting positon on his bed. “M’course, just let me know if you want to stop.” His eyes light up micheviously, bending down to peck your lips teasingly. He sinks to his knees, sliding his hands down your outter thighs. 

Sanemi was never someone you thought would stun you into silence, but as his gaze drops to the apex of your legs it suddenly becomes hard to speak. “What? Got no smart ass response?” He glances smugly up at you, rolling his tongue over his lips. Instead of replying you spread your legs apart for him. Your action brings his longing attention back to your clothed pussy, which clamps on nothing. “Mmm, I guess your body can do enough speaking,” He hooks a finger into your shorts, pulling them down your waist. “S’pretty.” He hisses, reveling in the way your panties cling to the dampness of your cunt. “All mine,” He’s muttering to himself like a mad man and maybe he was, but it brings a flush to your cheeks. 

You squirm to fling your short to the side of his room, wiggling out of your underwear next. He watches like he’ll die if he looks away. “Sanemi I can’t hold back, please, I need you to do something.” You give him enough room to stay between your legs. His smirk worries you only slightly.

He stands, the girth of his cock outlined in his pants. “Just remember you asked for this. We’ll have plenty of time to take it slow later, but right now I can’t wait anymore either.” His eyes are a dark brooding purple as he slips the belt out of its loops smoothly. It’s one of the hottest things you’ve ever witnessed. Your childhood friend was about to fuck your brains out and the fact that you’d been fighting only made the tension in the room that much thicker. 

Sanemi’s cock is longer than anyone you’d been with before and you can’t seem to look away from it. How the head weeps and is blush pink with untouched desire. He’s barely holding on, but the weight of reality slaps you across the face. “Do you have a condom?” You quip and he freezes. His cheeks blush as he glances at his nightstand. 

“Can’t think why I wouldn’t pack condoms coming to a job where I’ve never had sex before…fuck. I can stop if you want to, I wouldn’t dare-”

“Sanemi, I could care less. Right now all I want is you. We’ll figure it out together.” You grab the back of his neck to bring him in for a kiss. As his lips work against yours he lines himself up at your entrance, brushing the head of his cock against the slick of your arousal. He hisses into your mouth as the tip slips into your warmth. A shaky moan echoes through both of you as you push your foreheads together to watch his cock slide into your pretty pussy. 

You blow out a breath, throwing your head back in utter bliss. Sanemi fills you out beautifully, stretching your walls just enough to send shivers up your spine. “You feel perfect…you’re perfect,” Sanemi kisses you, slowly starting to move his hips. The muscles in your stomach tense with a hot iron of pressure. 

“Haa, Sanemi, please,” You begin but he snaps his hips into yours. A loud slap of skin rattles through his room. Your eyes go wide and a sharp gasp pushes through your body. 

He grins over you, sliding back on his knees and bringing you with him. “Mmm, shh babygirl, m’gonna take care of you.” He strings your legs over his hips, rocking you on his cock. 

Moans burst from your mouth as you cling to his neck. “F’ Sanemi,” You gasp, his cock plunging deeper into your pussy than the previous postion. 

“That’s it, let go pretty girl,” Sanemi burrows into you, a fucked out grin coating his lips. You feel like you’re almost split in two, but the sting bleeds into a sharp pleasurable throb. It radiates through your core, spreading tingles across your skin. Your head lolls to the side a bolt of electricity twisting around your stomach, coating it in the crashing waves of your climax. You’re both panting as Sanemi fucks into you, gripping your hips onto him. 

The overstimulation makes you squirm on top of him, but he chaces his own crest, finally finding it when you grip the back of his head, fisting his hair. Warm cum coats your insides, Sanemi gently laying you back down on the mattress. You feel gooey inside, but there’s a silent happiness that brings a smile to your face. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I promise next time I’ll last longer- I, I…shit let me go get you a rag.” Sanemi pushes himself up on his elbows but you caress his cheek, calming the anxious glaze in his eyes. 

“No, stay.” He’d finally found you… and you weren’t about to let him out of your sight for a long long time.  

[princessbrunette]

all of a sudden, jj suddenly felt severely underdressed in his black muscle tank and cargo shorts. it’s not that he hadn’t been in a strip club before, he’d just never come to see pogue!bunny!reader at her place of work.

you’d left your shoes at the chateau after one of the many infamous pogue parties that you’d been invited to. if it were any other kind of cheap shoes, you’d probably just said forget about it. but for some bizarre reason, you’d worn some of your prettiest shoes that cost you an arm and a leg from the bills thrown your way at the club, so you’d been damned if you let those just get tossed in the trash because guys don’t know the value of things.

jj had actually used it as an excuse to slide into your instagram dms. shooting you a super casual ‘hey, left your shoes at the chateau. want em back?’ to which you responded ‘my hero!!!! <3’ and so on. anyway, the agreement was — he’d bring your shoes to you on your break.

it’s not as grimy on the inside as it is on the outside, but he doesn’t have much time to look around before he’s hearing the slapping of bare feet through the hallway — and suddenly a scantily dressed figure is throwing itself into his arms in the dimly lit space.

“holy— jesus christ.” he catches you anyway, though you can tell he doesn’t know where to put his hands, settling on the fat just beneath your ass. he swore you were put on this earth to tempt him.

“you came!” you smile in that melodic voice, unhardened by your surroundings. hell, he nearly did come.

“well, you called.” he shrugs, trying to be all nonchalant about it. he swings the shiny pink heels around his fingers and you squeal, taking them from him. “yeah— so, uh— if that’s all i could probably just see myself ou—” he juts a thumb towards the exit, going to stuff one hand in his pocket and missing all together as he backs away. he wasn’t sure why he was being so awkward, aside from the fact you were just stood infront of him wearing a tiny little triangle bra and a g string.

“stay!” your brows furrow adorably and it physically pains his chest, infact — he’s pretty sure he had a physical reaction, face screwing up with a wince. how does one tell the girl he’s attracted to that if he stays any longer he will pop a hard on? “s’the least i can do. come watch the show. i can hook you up with wings and some beers for free?” you bat your faux-lashes, the glitter on your cheekbone glowing in the low lighting as you tilt your head sweetly, putting on a show to convince him.

“wings, beer n’ boobs? you’re talkin’ my language young lady.” he smirks, unable to hide his usual ways and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“yay, follow me!” you grip his hand, long acrylics scratching against his wrist and he rolls his lips together, eyes practically following each jiggle of your ass cheek as you walk before he even realises he’s in the main section. you settle him in, a little booth that usually probably occupies pervy businessmen— which really makes the blonde feel out of place. he came alone, and now he was sat here — occupying a booth. what kind of creep comes to watch strippers alone?

he’s about to jump up and make up an excuse to leave in pure embarrassment, but you’re smoothing your hands along his shoulders, batting your lashes and telling him you wish you could stay and chat but you’ve gotta go dance, and that his wings and beer will be coming soon. he blinks at you, under a trance and settles into the worn and suspiciously sticky leather arm chair.

soon you’re up on that stage and he wants to sink into the fucking ground. you’re unbelievably hot, and now it’s like something out of a porno he made in his mind, watching you saunter around the pole, dropping down to the ground and arching your back, shaking the meat of your ass effortlessly as faceless men throw money your way. he had nothing to throw but some receipts and old nickels in his pockets and he didn’t think you’d appreciate that — which didn’t matter anyway, because he was somewhat stuck to his seat.

he lifts his hands to adjust his cap before realising he’s not wearing one, and just as he realises his dick is sitting hot, heavy and hard in his shorts— you’re off stage, bounding over with everything jiggling. lord help him.

he thinks he might die when you clamber confidently onto his lap, straddling him front on.

“so how was it jayj did you like it? i know it’s a lil’ weird seeing me up there, i’m your friend n’all but was the song choice good atleast?” you tilt your head like a befuddled puppy dog before wriggling around— crotch to cock. “oh, nevermind. i can feel that you’re like super hard so i take it that you liked the show!” you smile, like you’d just said the most innocent sentence in the world. jj blinks, lips agape.

“uh— y—no, yeah it was… well, y’know. the body doesn’t lie.” he bucks his hips lightly in gesture before immediately internally questioning why he’d do something so creepy. luckily, you giggle — but he’s not sure if it’s because you liked it or because you’re well trained.

“well, next time you get paid come get a lapdance i’ll fix that problem jayj, even give you a discount.” you let that giggle slip through again, but there’s a breathiness to your tone that feels all too real. his brows jump up, eyes flickering unashamedly to your tits as you lean forward to his ear. “or jus’ get me drunk again next weekend? will probably do it for free ‘cus i like you.” you admit, looking all nervous when you pull back. you just shook your ass on stage, yet jj maybank was making you flustered.

“for sure. yeah uh— can… can definitely do that. yep.” he plays it calm and collected, sees you out with another bone crushing hug against your tits before speed walking to his company truck that he drove over here. his shift was over, so he wasn’t rushing to get back to work. moreso to beat off in the parking lot thinking about pulling that g-string of yours to the side.

[meirathinks]

⊹ ♡₊˚๑ 𝙀𝘼𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙊𝙐𝙏 ! ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

chef!Sukuna headcannons

okay. I know I haven't posted anything in like a year. and I know I'm a little rusty so bare with me ok😭 I'm sorry for the wait! Reader was intended to be black but I don't describe any features. lmk if I should turn this into a fic!!

Warnings: none!!

Chef!Sukuna is one of the world's biggest assholes. SURE he graduated top of his class AND SURE! The waitlist for his restaurant is so, ridiculously long. But his personality? Awful. 

He’s known for his near godly knife skills. He can chop an onion in ten seconds. He’s pretty sure it’s a world record.

His own staff is so, so terrified of him. The new kid, who’s bright-eyed and fresh out of culinary school, who was beyond excited to work at a Michelin-star restaurant quits on his first day.

(he cried on his walk home)

Sukuna leans into the back of his chair, while Uruame lets out an uncharacteristically loud sigh from their spot at the door. 

They step closer into the room while speaking, “You can’t keep a Junior chef for more than six hours—”

Sukuna groans, “Calm down— your job is to be my sous. Act like it.”

He puts his feet up on the peeling wood desk in front of him, deftly ignoring several receipts that were strewn on it.

Uruame nods, before leaving.

Sukuna wasn’t in the wrong you know, the junior chef should’ve known the difference between sauté and panfrying. 

He groans while moving to leave his office— he had prep to do. 

He’s worked hard to get where he is— to make his restaurant as good as it is. He designed the kitchen himself. He chose each appliance meticulously and placed them in the space deliberately

The delivery and food-prep and pastry sections are in specific parts of the kitchen, they cater to the menu.

Speaking of the menu. You cannot tell me that he didn’t lock himself in his apartment with pots and pans strewn everywhere. 

He’d have a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and his hair would be a little dishevelled

But, he finally figured out that what his main dish needed was an acid. 

He’d have a rare, genuine smile on his face while he runs his hand through his hair. He’ll take another bite and excitedly drum his fingers on his kitchen countertop. He’s good. He knows he’s good. 

Sukuna’s leaning on the host station with a pencil in hand reviewing the guest list for that night’s dinner. His eyebrows raise at your name— which is circled in red marker angrily. He shouts to Uraume, who’s at the back prepping.

“What’s the red marker for.”

“We have a food critic coming in tonight.”

Sukuna scoffs, “We always have food critics coming in.”

“This one’s different.”

Yeah right.

For the head chef, and owner of a michelin star restaurant— Sukuna is relaxed. 

He’ll wear a white button up and some black slacks and the days he’s expected to work front of house. But his sleeves will be rolled high on his forearms and there’s always this dismissive look in his eyes

He doesn’t have to be some kiss ass— his food speaks for itself. 

People waited months to get into his restaurant for his food, not to have a conversation with him. 

The first thing Sukuna realizes is that you take a laughably short time looking at the menu. From what he can see from the host station, you’re looking at it out of graciousness than necessity. 

He walks over, ready to take your order. He nearly laughs when he notices that your notepad already has writing on it. 

You’re looking up at him through the low light of the restaurant. It’s tinged red. Like a night club you think. Tacky. 

“Hi,” You smile, “I’m surprised I’m being served by the Sukuna.”

“Yeah— it’s a slow day.”

You hum, “And here I was, thinking that you were out here just for me.”

He laughs. It’s this loud, low and smoothe. “I can hear your heart breaking from here.”

“Let’s start with the focaccia.” Your voice is a little shaky. He likes the sound of it.

He walks to the kitchen with a familiar grin on his face. 

Food critic his ass— you’re in love with him. He can tell. 

Chef!Sukuna who’s never had a negative review. Ever.

GQ. The New York Times. The Washington Post. Critics become regulars— they want an excuse to chat Sukuna (even if he doesn’t entertain it)

He’s earned a name for himself in the food scene, you know. People love him whether they like it or not. 

This was just the start too— he’ll open more restaurants, maybe something more formal. He thinks of himself as an immovable object or an unstoppable force or whatever is in those management books Uraume reads

So, imagine his surprise when Uruame forwards an article to him at 11:54 pm on a thursday.

Especially when he sees that you wrote the article. 

And that you gave the restaurant a 3 out of 5

A three out of fucking five.

Sukuna was going to kill someone. You, preferably. 

[depoemdawg]

Unveil (pt. 2)

Part 1

Part 3

Character: Mattheo Riddle x Reader

Synopsis: Y/N, the self-appointed explorer of Hogwarts, finds herself investigating a mysterious new Slytherin student and his unknown connection to the ghost in the Room of Requirements.

Author's Notes: I bet you guys are wondering where the romance in this story is. I am too. I'm just a huge main-plot adventure, side-plot romance typa gal. There will be more chemistry in the next part. I promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time I scanned the entirety of the book shelves in the restricted section of the library, I only found one book that could help me figure out who the ghost in the room of requirement was.

Salazar Slytherin.

That’s it, that’s the title. No wonder Slytherins aren’t known for their creativity.

It certainly wasn’t a coincidence that the door to the room of requirement had the snake on it. The ghost inside the room reeked of dark magic, it was written all over his sunken appearance. Not to say that Slytherins are the only ones to practise dark magic, but Salazar Slytherin sure did. If anyone had any idea about secret slytherin rooms, it was him. And I’m also willing to bet that he knows the ghost.

I sat on the dusty dark oak table in the corner of the library. My gaze darts across the library, clearing the coast before I dive into reading the book.

Salazar Slytherin was a shady dude. To put it lightly. From practising dark magic and teaching his students it to his insistence on the pureness of magic blood. He was not unfamiliar with constantly breaking rules and having controversial opinions. He’s precisely the reason why his house, Slytherin, has an “evil” reputation. Salazar has had the habit of having secret caves in Hogwarts, namely the Chamber of Secrets, but it doesn’t mention anything about the Room of Requirements or any ghosts.

I groan and cover my face with my hands, there is nothing here. I’ve hit a dead end. I shake my head and get up. There must be something else I’m missing. 

Who could’ve made this room?

Crap. It’s been in front of me the entire time. 

It’s the ghost, isn’t it?

I can’t go back. I can’t. I’m not doing it. I will never ever talk to that demonic, ghastly, paralyzingly terrifying ghost again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can ghosts eat?” I stare at the pumpkin pie on my plate.

Ginny drops her fork on her plate and stares at me. “Y/n. No.”

“Okay.” I shrug innocently but when Ginny starts eating again, I decide to open my mouth again. “Say, you needed to bribe a ghost.”

“Y/n, is this about Dean?” She groans. “Please don’t bribe a ghost to kill him, please.”

“That’s a brilliant idea, thank you for that. Tell Dean to watch his back.” I grin. “But no.”

“What’s this about?” Ginny narrows her eyes at me, her attention fully on me.

“I met a ghost. I’m in love. I think he could be the one.” I give her a tight smile.

She rolls her eyes and looks at me in disbelief. “Oh my god.” 

“Please?” I plead, giving her my best puppy eyed look.

She caves in. “Ghosts usually have unfinished business right?”

“Yeah….?”

“Well, ask him what his unfinished business is and offer to help.”

“That is such a good idea, Ginny. I love our lunch talks.” I pull her into a rib crushing hug.

“You would die without me, you know that, right?” She pats my back, cringing from the pain.

“You never fail to remind me!” I take my plate of pie and leave the great hall.

“Y/n.” I hear my name being called as I step out of the hall.

“Mattheo.” I turn around to look at him and tilt my head in confusion. “You know who I am?”

“I have my ways as you do, I’m sure.” He jogs and catches up to me. In this light, I notice the scar on his nose. As well as the loose tie around his neck and untucked shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed…or out of a fight. 

“That’s suspicious, you know.” I give him a pointed look, walking down the hallways.

He throws his head back and groans. “What’s going to get you to trust me?” 

“Depends, why do you want me to trust you?” I stop and narrow my eyes at him. 

“I want to be your friend.” He puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“You already have as many friends as you could ever need.” I turn and keep walking without sparing him a glance.

“I’m not going to stop following you.”

“You are.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

We both stop and look at each other, him grinning in victory.

I glare at him, weighing the pros and cons of having him with me. Pros? He might offer a different perspective, a Slytherin perspective. I could also get to know him and find out what he’s hiding. Cons? He could murder me, in cahoots with the creepy ghost man, and hide my body.

“Do you have experience in murder?”

He freezes and blinks, looking around the hallway and then turning his gaze back to me. Mattheo clears his throat and leans in with wide eyes, “in real life?” As he leans in, I realise that his cheeks are lightly covered in freckles. Huh. Didn’t notice that before. I’m shaken out of my daze when I'm hit with the realization of what he said.

“Real life?” I question in disbelief. “No, in bloody quidditch. Yes, real life!” I scoff and shake my head for what seemed like the millionth time. “Fine.”

Mattheo chuckles and straightens his posture, regaining his confidence. He was entirely too confident for his own good. “Right, where are we going?”

“Don’t ask me questions.”

“Okay, Raven.”

“Don’t call me Raven either.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re not going to make me kill someone, are you?” He smirks, side-eyeing my annoyed expression as we walk.

“I will kill you before I ask you to kill someone.” I stop in my tracks in front of the wall.

Mattheo looks at the wall and then me, clearly confused. “What’re we doing here?”

“Shut up. I have to focus.”

“Focus on what.”

“Bloody hell, Malfoy!”

“Malfoy? Where?” He turns around.

“Merlin’s beard, truely, you're not that daft?”

“What-” His confusion drops to realisation. “Oh.”

That’s when it hits me.

“You’re not a Malfoy, are you?” I laugh in disbelief. 

He opens his mouth to say something before the wall’s bricks start to crumble and shift. The same door appears from behind the bricks, the same snake on the front of it. Mattheo looks at the door appearing in disbelief, his breath sucked right of his lungs.

“What, never seen a magic door?” I laugh at his reaction.

“Is this…the room of requirements?”

I nod and chuckle. “I have no idea how I summon this door every time. The room of requirement usually forms into whatever the finder requires. I don’t know what I require.”

He looks at me, his expression suddenly drops from awe to deathly seriousness. “Do you know what’s behind the door?”

An uneasy feeling wraps me. “Yeah…I do. Why do I get the feeling that you do too?”

“Because I do.”

My heart drops at his confession. I laugh nervously. “How could you?”

Mattheo slowly walks towards the door and stands before it. His eyes hold something I can’t recognize in them. He doesn’t look amused, or cocky or anything I’ve ever seen before. 

“Mattheo?” I ask cautiously, my hand instinctively reaching for my wand. He turns to look at me, his eyes dropping to my hand over my wand in my pocket. Mattheo looks back at me, clenching his jaw before turning back to look at the door.

“My name is Mattheo Riddle.”

My blood runs cold at his last name. “You- what?” I step back. I can’t believe it. How did I not see this coming?

His father was the ghost in the room. His father was….Voldemort.

I look at the door and then back to him. 

“I was looking for this door. You just made this a lot easier for me, Y/n L/n.” He chuckles, his hand reaching for the knob.

I pull out my wand and point it at him. “Why are you looking for your father?” I ask him, trying to keep my voice forceful.

“Now, what sort of a mystery would I be if I told you all the answers?”

What had I done?

[forestkniight]

I'll Be Seeing You

✯ Chapter 1 ✯ Chapter 2 ✯ Chapter 3 ✯

Once again, thank you all for your patience while waiting for this new chapter. As for requests, if you've sent one in, I've seen it, and there isn't a single one I don't plan on writing. All I ask for is some time!

Pairing: Fizzarolli x Reader*

Warning: Cursing, Yelling

Word Count: 6.5K

You hear the beeping before you even open your eyes. A heartbeat. 

Your heartbeat. 

You feel a dull pain on the side of your head, and you remember your head colliding with the wall. You’re surprised you didn’t pass out immediately after. You remember Prince Stolas, and he was with someone. 

You open your eyes, and it takes a bit for your eyesight to get back to normal. Your eyes immediately land on the only other thing in the room with you. Prince Stolas. You hesitantly look around the room, but a small part of you hopes Blitz is also here. 

He’s not. 

You sigh as you look toward the stand closest to the bed and notice a bouquet of sunflowers. Your smile brightens as you take a single flower, close your eyes, and breathe in its scent. 

You look up from sweeping when you hear loud laughter approaching the entrance of the main tent. Your smile instantly appears as you try to quickly finish sweeping so you can hang out with Blitzo and Fizz. Your head snaps as you hear someone bark their name, and you feel your shoulders sag as you realize it's Cash. 

“Great,” you whisper as you start walking to a little section in the main tent where all the cleaning supplies (which wasn’t a lot) are kept. 

You figure that Cash wants them to rehearse, so you now have time to kill. You could go out alone, but it wouldn’t be as fun. Plus, after the last time you went out, you aren’t sure if this area is safe for walking alone. As you got older, people got weirder. 

You reach the center of the circus tent and let out an audible sigh before looking forward, your back towards the entrance. The lights are still on, and for a moment, you are someone greater—you were someone. You look directly into the spotlight and allow yourself to smile, bask in the feeling, in dreams. 

“Looks like they won’t need us tonight, Fizz.”

Your eyes snap open, and your head turns to where the voice originated. You smile as you completely face your friends. 

“I heard your dad calling you! I thought you guys were going to get held up tonight,” you say as you walk over to them. 

“Nah. He found out that I’ve been stealing his booze,” Blitzo says as he looks around the tent. “You done for the night?”

You nod excitedly before looking at Fizz, slightly tilting your head.

“You good, Fizz?” 

You could tell he was deep in thought. You look over at Blitzo, and he just shrugs. You walk over to Fizz and lightly tap your finger against his forehead.

“Hello? Hell to Fizz? Are you there?” you ask as Fizz looks at you surprised.

“Huh?” 

“Are you okay,” you ask with a bit more concern. 

“Yeah,” you raise your eyebrow at him. “No, really.  I messed up my act tonight, and we had important people in the audience tonight.”

He looks so sad. 

“Fizz, it wasn’t a big deal. If they can’t see past a tiny mistake, it’s on them. More for us,” Blitzo says while putting his arms around Fizz’s shoulder. 

“Blitzo is right, Fizz. Don’t worry about it,” you smile as you reach for his hand and squeeze it lightly. 

You notice a slight blush on his cheeks. Was that there before or after you grabbed his hand? You try to fight off a blush at the idea of him blushing at you holding his hand, but you feel your face warm. Blitzo looks at you and raises an eyebrow, and you decide to speak before he can say anything. 

“On that note, I have something for you boys,” you say as you drop Fizz’s hand. 

“A present,” Blitzo says excitedly.

He begins to walk towards you, but you raise your finger at him, signaling him to stay, which he follows. 

“Hmm, yes? It’s not a big thing,” you say as you walk behind the bleachers, retrieving the two bouquets. 

You stay behind the bleachers briefly as you try to calm your racing heart. You should have gotten them the same flowers. 

“I knew you both had important people in the audience tonight, and I knew you would kill it like you always do. Still, I wanted to get you guys a little something to celebrate!” 

You walk out from under the bleachers with the bouquets. One of the bouquets has sunflowers, and the other has red tulips. Fizz and Blitzo look surprised.

“That’s all?” Blitzo asks, and Fizz smacks him on the arm as your smile falters slightly. “I mean, thanks. Red is my favorite color.”

Oh, Satan. 

“Umm…actually, the sunflowers reminded me of you, Blitzo,” you say awkwardly as you hand them over to Blitzo. 

“Why,” Blitzo questions.

“Well, yellow is a happy and joyful color, and that’s all I want for you. A life of joy for one of my best friends,” you beam at him. 

Of course, you knew what sunflowers meant but didn’t want to go too into details.

“Oh,” Blitzo rubs the back of his neck, “thanks.”

Blitzo walks off to the side with his bouquet. He seemed to be admiring them. Has he ever gotten flowers before? Your attention turns to Fizz, who walks closer to you. He smiles softly, and you feel the butterflies in your stomach start up again. Get it together.

“And for you, Fizz, I got red tulips,” you say, and you quickly hand them to him. 

He looks down at the flowers before bringing them up to his nose. He looks back at you with the sweetest look you’ve ever seen. 

“Hello?” Fizz asks.

You furrow your eyebrows.

“Huh?” 

Fizz removes the bouquet from his face.

“I asked what red tulips mean,” he giggles.

You feel your heartbeat stop. You can't tell him and risk looking like a complete idiot. What were you supposed to say? ‘Yeah, Fizz. For the past few years, I’ve developed strong feelings for you. The kind of feelings that ruin friendships because you’re you and I’m me. But I love you in all the ways a person could love someone else, which will remain true even when you inevitably reject me.’ That wasn’t going to cut it. No, you had to make up some stupid meaning or deflect. You clear your throat as you look at the ground.

“I’m not a flower expert, Fizz, but I got red tulips for you because they are bold. And everyone loves red flowers,” you explained. 

“Oh,” Fizz says as he looks back at the flowers.

Now, it looks like you’re disinterested. He looks up at you with a bright smile as he takes a single tulip from the bouquet. 

“Well, then, it looks like you need one, too,” Fizz says, handing the flower to you.

Your hands slightly touch, and both of your cheeks flush. You’re about to respond before Blitzo speaks.

“I’m not giving you any of mine,” Blitzo says as he walks towards you both.

You and Fizz look at each other before breaking into laughter.

A month before you ran. You were 17. You open your eyes to see a drop on one of the petals. It’s becoming a regular thing to not even feel the tears as they start spilling. You wipe away your tears, still looking at the flowers. Could it have been Blitz? 

“You’re awake,” you snap your head to Prince Stolas, sitting more upright in his chair. 

“Yes,” you pause. “How long have I been…asleep?”

The prince looks at you curiously. 

“It’s only been a day. Does it feel like it’s been longer?”

You ponder on his question. In all honesty, time didn’t cross your mind. All you knew was that you passed out on the street, and you woke up on this hospital bed.

“No, the opposite, actually,” you say while looking back at him.

This was awkward. Might as well get apologies out of the way.

“Listen-”

“I-” 

You both look at each other as you interrupt one another. You feel a half smile appear on your face as the prince lets out a chuckle. 

“You first,” the prince gestures to you. 

“Thank you, your highness. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior at the club. I intruded on a royal’s space. Not only that, but on a royal already on a date,” you blurt out, your cheeks flushing. 

You glance up at the prince to see his shocked expression before he starts laughing. You raise your eyebrows as your cheeks heat up. Well, this is humiliating. 

“...I was serious,” you awkwardly state as you hug yourself to self-comfort.

Noticing your sincerity, the prince stops his laughter, but there is still a trace of joy in his eyes. 

“There is nothing to apologize for, dear. It was barely even a kiss. Still, if it’ll make you feel better, consider it forgiven and forgotten,” he smiles at you. 

“Thank you, Your Highness,” you smile softly at him.

“Oh, there is no need for formalities. You can call me Stolas,” he says, maintaining eye contact.

You couldn’t decipher his gaze. He is trying to study you, but you couldn’t grasp why. 

“Thank you, Stolas. Now, I believe you wanted to say something as well?”  

“Ahh, yes. Well, I noticed you saw the flowers Blitzy and I brought you.” 

You raise your eyebrows at the nickname, and you can’t help the little smirk that appears on your face. You cough to play it off when you notice Stolas’ face blush.

“Yes, did you choose them out?" 

Part of you felt you knew the answer, but it might have been coincidental. There was a slight chance that Stolas liked sunflowers, and Blitz didn’t remember the flowers you got him all those years ago.

“No, it was Blitz! After they took you in, Blitzy and I walked around the area to find food when he suddenly paused in front of a flower stand. I recommended that we bring you back flowers, and he hesitantly agreed before reaching out for that bouquet. Why do you ask?”

So it was Blitz. You look down at the flower and feel a pang in your chest. Damn it. How was this your life? You were supposed to disappear. You weren’t supposed to run into either of them and now here you were, consumed by guilt. You try to fight back tears, but some of them slip out. You quickly wipe your eyes before looking back up at Stolas. He seems a bit curious but a lot more concerned.

“I’m sorry, your- Stolas. I’m sure by now you know that Blitz and I have a history,” you say as Stolas raises his eyebrows. “NOT LIKE- history like we essentially grew up together.”

The owl laughs at your panic to correct yourself before calming down.

“Yes, I tried to ask him about it, but he didn’t want to talk about it…at least not with me,” he says, observing your reaction. 

All your defenses are down, so he was probably able to see the panic in your face. 

“I don’t know what happened between you and Blitz, but he was hurt tonight,” he says, looking down at his hands. 

You furrow your eyebrows. 

“Because I ran again?” you whisper. 

Stolas looks up at you again, quietly taking you in. 

“Hm. That’s a question that’s better suited for Blitz, dear. He acted quickly when he saw you shoved against the wall, though.”

You sigh as you look down at the sunflower. One talk. That’s all you had to do. You clear your throat before speaking.

“Um, the club is closed every Monday to give all the musicians a break. Around the time I first got hired, I was given a key to practice in the space, and the boss kind of forgot about it. I don’t have contact with Blitz, but could you tell him if he wants to talk…” you pause. “Tell him I want to talk with him if he lets me.”

You look at Stolas, who seems satisfied. 

“I don’t doubt you’ll make up for running this time, but we both know Blitz. How do I convince him that you mean it?” Stolas asks. 

Your heart doesn’t know how to feel anymore. 

“Tell him I swear it,” you assure him. 

Stolas takes a moment to look at you before nodding. He sticks around a bit more, making conversation. You get to learn more about his relationship with Blitz, and Stolas learns more about how you know Blitz. Eventually, Stolas leaves, leaving you with the sunflower in your hand.

You are going to see Blitz again—your old friend. 

You swore it.

“Do you swear it,” Blitzo asks.

He looks scared. 

“Blitzo, of course I do. You’re my best friend. Nothing will ever change that,” you whisper.

Both of you had slipped away from Blitzo’s dad after he made Fizz go practice for the show later on. Children shouldn’t be working so hard. They also shouldn’t be tossed aside for someone else, especially on their birthdays. 

“You turn 12 today, and I’m still with you. In 10 years, when you turn 22, I’ll be there with you. And when you turn 32 and 42,” you whisper as you spread your hands wider and wider. 

Blitzo chuckles as he lightly punches your arm before his expression turns slightly sad again.

“So, you want to be my friend too? Not just Fizz’s? Not just because I’m friends with Fizz?” 

“Blitzooo! Of course not,” you say as you hug him tightly. “Sometimes I feel like you’re the only one who understands what it’s like to be who I am. Someone in someone else’s shadow. You’re stuck with me.”

You feel Blitzo hug you tighter as you stay in this position for a little longer before he lets go. He asks you one more time.

“Do you swear it? A real friend?”

“Yes, Blitzo.”

“Say it. It only means something if you say the words.”

You roll your eyes as you grab his face.

“I swear it.”

I swear it. 

~~

You sigh as you take another sip of your drink. Part of the reason why you wanted to talk at the club was because of all the alcohol. Still, you weren’t trying to get drunk to the point where you might say too much. You aren’t about to just confess everything to him. At most, you would apologize for hurting him by leaving abruptly. If he asks why, you would make up a reason, Maybe one that wasn’t as selfish as the real reason. 

It was getting later and later, and there was still no sign of Blitz. To be fair, you didn’t specify a time, but it was getting closer to 12 AM, and you had been sitting there since 6 PM. You practiced your repertoire of songs, and that took you until about 8 PM. You don’t know how much longer you could wait. Your heart feels like it could give out at any second because of your emotions. What if he had come before 6 PM and nobody was here? What if he thought you flaked? Thought you ran? 

You sigh as you run your hand through your hair before resting your head on your arm. The clock shows that it’s 12 AM. 

Over and over, I keep going over the world we knew

Once when you walked beside me

That inconceivable, that unbelievable world we knew

When we two were in…

Your singing fades out as you sit up and drink the rest of your drink in one gulp. 

“Sorry, Blitz, but I guess you’re used to it,” you whisper as you gather your stuff. 

You walk towards the club entrance and open the door, almost hitting someone with the door. 

Blitz.

He looks surprised as he just stares at your face. Then, he looks down at your hand with the keys, and in a split second, you see anger overtake his expression. Oh dear. 

“Were you about to fucking leave?”

You flinch slightly. This was going to be a long night, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t you just wait a couple more minutes? Might as well be honest.

“I didn’t know if you were going to show,” you explain softly.

“Oh, you didn’t know if I was going to show,” he spits out. 

There was no use in fighting with him, especially if you would be talking for a while. Plus, he did have more of a point.

“Sorry Blitzo- Blitz. Come in,” you say as you move back into the club, holding the door open for him.

You mentally smack yourself for calling him by his old name. You’ve seen his commercial, and you are aware that he’s been calling himself Blitz. Even though you never thought you would see him again, you tried to get used to the change. And here you are already fucking up. 

He heads straight to the bar, and you can’t help the tiny smile on your face as you follow him. He walks behind the bar and grabs a bottle before stepping back around to sit at the counter. You decide to stand behind the counter, across from him, so you don’t get too comfortable. 

“Am I going to be expected to pay for this?” Blitz asks while he takes a swig. 

You shake your head quickly. 

“No, I owe you for the other night,” you explain as you choose a drink that’s more fruity tasting than alcoholic. 

“You owe me a lot more than alcohol,” he mumbles as he takes another angry swig of the drink.

“Yeah,” you reply awkwardly.

The silence is tense. You don’t even know where to start.

“Are we just going to sit here staring at each other because I did enough of that the other night,” Blitz demands. 

“Satan, give me a minute Blitz. I don’t even know where to start,” you say, trying not to get angry. 

“I’ve given you more than a damn minute. Try a couple of fucking years!” Blitz exclaims. 

“I know Blitz! Do you think I wear the locket as a fashion statement!?” 

You wince as you feel a dull pang in your head, and you close your eyes. You were released from the hospital two days ago, and they mentioned that you should avoid loud noises or making loud noises. The bar is silent as you try to will the pang away. It wasn’t the first time this had happened since you’d been released, so you knew it would disappear shortly. 

“...Are you okay,” you hear Blitz ask. 

It still sounds cold, but you could also hear some concern. At least, you hope that’s what you hear. You raise your head as you keep your hand on your forehead, and you keep your eyes closed.

“Listen, Blitz. I know. I know I fucked up, and I know I left without an explanation. Just give me a damn second, please. I know I don’t deserve it, but surely you can wait a few more minutes,” you beg. 

You open your eyes to see Blitz staring at you. He nods slightly as he takes a swig of his drink, and he looks at it as you reach for a glass of water, your side profile facing Blitz. You take a moment to collect yourself and finish the glass of water. You occasionally see Blitz staring at you through your peripherals, but you don’t comment on it. If you could, you would be staring at him too, but you were too ashamed. You sigh as you turn back to face him but don’t make eye contact. You'll have to, though. You close your eyes one more time, and you hear Blitz sigh angrily. Why couldn’t this be easier? What do you say? Maybe starting with sorry. Pretending you’re talking to the little boy, to the teenager you knew. What would you say if it was that version of him? If he somehow could see how things turned out? 

You open your eyes and look at Blitz square in the eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Blitz. No explanation will make what I did okay. I thought I would never see you or Fizzarolli again. I know that sounds terrible, but I was trying to avoid this,” you gesture between the two of you. “This hurts. I probably have no right to feel that way because it was my choice, but it hurts. And all I can say is that I’m sorry I hurt you.”

You look at him a second longer before you take another drink of the alcohol you opened earlier. 

“Is that all?” Blitz asks. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re ‘sorry’ for hurting me, which you fucking didn’t. I didn’t need you, but what about sorry for running?” Blitz snaps. 

You would be lying if you said it didn’t hurt hearing Blitz say he didn’t need you. You’ve always had such big emotions, and you are actively fighting off tears so it doesn’t get more tense. You just have to get through this night. You ignore the question and decide to focus on the first part. 

“My bad, Blitz. I guess I thought we were closer than we were. I guess it hurt me to leave you,” you explain.

“Yeah, I could tell,” he rolls his eyes. 

The silence settles in. There’s probably nothing you could say that would take the anger away from his eyes. You sigh. 

“Tell me why you ran,” Blitz presses you for an answer.

“Why does it matter?” You shoot back. 

“Because the stupid jester and I spent a lot of time blaming ourselves,” Blitz admits. 

You raise your eyebrows at the lack of Fizzarolli’s name. 

“Stupid jester? Why-” Blitz interrupts you.

“No, you don’t get to ask any fucking questions until you answer mine,” he points a finger in your face. 

You push his finger away from your face. 

“Look, Blitz. I invited you to apologize, and I get that you’re angry. But frankly, I’m not telling you why I left,” you huff out as you swallow the rest of your drink in one gulp and open another stronger drink.

Blitz gets down from his seat and walks away from the bar before turning to face you. He looks extremely pissed. And slightly drunk. 

“You owe it to us, damn it. You don’t deserve to wear that locket with our faces and tell me I can’t know why you left.”

You start downing more of the drink as you feel your vision getting blurry. This is a nightmare. 

“Like I said, it’s not just an accessory I throw on every morning. It serves as a reminder of what I left behind. What I had to leave behind, and if I remember correctly, I got us the lockets,” you snap. 

“Yeah, but you don’t see me fucking wearing it. I threw that piece of shit away after you left. You need a reminder of what you left behind, and I’m right fucking here,” Blitz says as he walks back and slams his hand on the bar. 

The mix of the alcohol and the loud noise was not a pleasant mixture. 

“And you’re better off! You own a business, Blitz!” You dig your nails into your palm as you try to ground yourself. 

“Oh! Thanks a lot! That makes you leaving a lot better! Because you left, I became a boss!” Blitz yells, rolling his eyes. 

You feel your eye twitch. There was no point in this. Only pain and you were supposed to leave that behind. 

“I think we’re done here, Blitz,” you sigh as you drink the last bit. 

You turn around to leave payment for your drinks and Blitz’s. You hear shuffling behind you, and you’re surprised he is taking your dismissal quickly. You wish you could say that part of you hoped that he would fight more, but you are tired. You have been exhausted for a long time now. If it wasn’t for your current job, you don’t know what kind of hole you would go down into. You turn around to grab your jacket, but it’s not on the counter. You look up to see Blitz smirking with it in your hand. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

“Blitz, I am not in the mood. Just give me my jacket, and we can head our separate ways,” you ask as you step out from behind the bar.

“Makes it kind of hard to leave when you don’t have everything with you, huh?” Blitz mocks. 

“You don’t know the fucking half of it,” you snap as you walk towards him, but he puts distance between you both. “Blitz, I swear-”

“You swear what? Can’t fucking hurt me anymore than you did already,” Blitz shoots at you.

“I thought I didn’t hurt you. I thought you didn’t need me,” you mock his earlier words, anger beginning to spill.

“You know what I meant bitch!” Blitz’s stance becomes more rigid as he gets worked up again. 

“Real classy BlitzO,” you over-enunciate the O. 

“The O is silent, and you fucking know it,” Blitz snarls.

“How would I? I left you behind and never thought about you at all. I avoided anything to do with you both, so how on earth would I know that, Blitzo,” you say, feigning cluelessness. 

“You know what I think? I think you were jealous of Fizz and me because all you would ever be was the person who cleaned up AFTER we performed. It explains why you work here. All you wanted was the spotlight, and when knowing us wasn’t enough, you fucking ran,” Blitz yells as he gets in your face. 

You feel your heart break. It was like hearing your worst fears come to life. Did he genuinely see you as only the person who cleaned up after? Sure, you left because you wanted better for yourself (and tried to avoid your feelings, but that’s not important). Still, you never became friends with Fizzarolli or Blitz to get “famous” or whatever he was implying. You didn’t even know what to say.

“And this,” Blitz lifts your locket with a finger before tugging, “was all bullshit.”

You feel the clasp break and hear a tiny clink as the locket hits the floor. Your eyes water as you look at Blitz before briefly looking down at the locket. It falls open, and Fizz’s photo is falling out slightly. You have the urge to puke as you suddenly feel every emotion you’ve ever felt rise to your chest, but the two that were rising above the others are anger and sadness. 

You slightly shove Blitz away as you bend down to pick up the locket and the picture. Your vision is blurry as tears start pouring down your face. As soon as one tear slips out, a dam opens. Your head is spinning as you get back up and try to insert Fizz’s photo back in its slot, but it got slightly wet, making it a bit difficult to get in carefully. You quickly walk over to the bar to set down the locket and the picture and try calming your racing heart. 

“You can quit the dramatics,” Blitz snaps from behind you.

Your eyes look forward, and you feel your stare harden. Fuck it all to hell. You turn around quickly to face Blitz.

“FINE. Do you want to know why I left Blitz? I left because I couldn’t stand being seen as the help or the janitor or whatever the fuck people saw me as. I know damn well that a good portion of the people at the circus didn’t even know my fucking name. I sure as hell know that your dad didn’t because he LOVED reminding me of ‘my place.’ He loved telling me that my friendship with Fizzarolli wouldn’t last. Oh, but never about you. How is it that your own father didn’t appreciate his performer son? Hell, you were almost treated the same way I was. Almost. You had your good moments with your father, even though they were rare and always had some ulterior motive behind them,” you ramble.

You notice the hurt in Blitz’s eyes before it disappears into anger. You didn’t care at this point, though. Your hands are clenched at your side, your heart is in your throat, and you want nothing more than to hurt Blitz the way he had just hurt you by assuming that you never cared about them. 

“My father-”

“I don’t care! You wanted my reasoning, so I’m giving it to you so we can be done, and you can go back to hating me regardless. I left because I knew that if I stayed, I would only ever be the person who cleaned up after you guys, as you so graciously pointed out,” Blitz’s face cringes, but you continue, “I wanted so hard to forget the difference in our worlds, but your dad always made it abundantly clear that I wasn’t worth anything because of what I did at the circus. I had to believe that you and Fizzarolli saw more than what I did. I thought you saw who I was, but do you remember the day I left? The way your dad spoke to me and the fact that neither of you defended me? You both sat there, and you let your dad humiliate me. You might as well have said the words yourself,” you feel yourself crumbling as you hold your hand over your heart, and your breath gets faster. 

“But I didn’t! I went and found you-” Blitz starts, but you interrupt him.

“Yeah, after the fact! By then, the damage had already been done Blitz! Did I truly think that you believed what your father said? Honestly? No. I didn’t think YOU believed that. I’m sorry, Blitz, but your dad was an asshole, and you deserved a better father. I meant it that night when I told you that I felt like you were the only one who understood what it was like to be under the shadows of others. So, in that moment, I felt like you sympathized with me, but what you said right now has me doubting everything I thought I knew,” you say as you look him in the eyes, hurt leaking through every word. 

Blitz’s face looks apologetic and uncomfortable as he watches you spiral. He reaches out to you, but you back away. 

“And even after I left, I wanted to return Blitz! I desperately wanted to go back, even if it meant never doing anything with my life, because that’s how much I cared about you guys. You were my best friends, and I wish I could say I would have done anything for you, but I couldn’t stay there. I’m sorry I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay and watch you both grow and realize that maybe I was below you. That I was never anything more than that scared little child who needed you both to save me, but you had outgrown. I couldn’t stand by and lose my best friend who I loved entirely as he looked at me with disgust, and I wasn’t going to be the stupid idiot that fell in love with the star of the show that would follow him around like a damn puppy,” you sob out as you fall to the floor. 

You let out a couple of sobs as your right hand goes to your heart and your left hand goes to your head. You hunch over as you try to gain control over your emotions again. This is all too much, and your head is pounding. You feel yourself slowly stopping before you abruptly sit up straight. 

Did you just…? You slowly look up and see Blitz mirroring the same expression you are sure is on your face—surprise, shock. You rub your eyes before quickly getting off the floor and heading to the bar. The picture is dry, so you put it back in the slot where it belongs. You reach for your jacket before remembering that Blitz still has it.

“Screw this, I’ll ask for a spare key,” you whisper as you start walking towards the backstage exit. 

“Oh no, you don’t,” Blitz says as he hurries over, but you immediately turn towards the main entrance. 

You are at the door when Blitz speaks again.

“You wouldn’t have seen it happen,” Blitz says softly. 

You pause slightly. You didn’t know if you could respond without bursting into tears again. You wait, a tiny part hoping that he would expand. 

“Not long after you left, it all burned.” 

Your eyebrows furrow as you slowly turn around. You aren’t sure how to process this information. If you are staying, you need a glass of water, so you walk over to the bar before heading to the end of the stage to sit down. You look up at Blitz, waiting patiently as he looks deep in thought. He finally looks up, and he seems a lot more calmer.  Less angry. A lot like the Blitz you knew. 

“It’s how I got this,” Blitz points at his face. “And these.”

You wondered how he got all his scars, but you never thought he got them from the place you had once been. 

“I’m so sorry, Blitz,” you whisper. 

He looks at you and nods slightly.

“Not as sorry as I am. I lost a lot that night,” he says as he walks over with his phone out. 

He sits down on the stage next to you and sets down his phone between the two of you. A picture on the screen shows him, his mom, and his sister. You look up at Blitz, and you notice the pendant on his belt matches his mom’s in the picture. Oh no. 

“Blitz,” you whisper as you look at him before looking down.

“I guess your timing wasn’t half bad. I don’t think I would have forgiven myself if you got hurt too,” Blitz says as he takes his phone back. 

“Forgive yourself?”

Blitz looks at you before looking at the floor in front of him. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, but it was my fault. It was an accident…but it was my fault that the circus went up in flames that day,” Blitz says as he looks up at you. 

You stare at him as you raise your hand to comfort him before putting it back down. His eyes follow the movement, making it awkward, but you haven’t seen him in years. Things have changed. 

“I believe you, Blitz, but at least you had each other,” you reply, and Blitz turns away.

“Yeah…the jester and I aren’t really on speaking terms anymore,” Blitz admits.

You can’t help the way your eyebrows raise and your eyes widen. Those two were best friends. Hell, for a while, you thought one of them harbored a secret crush on the other. What possibly drew them apart?

“It wasn’t because of me, right?” You desperately ask.

A lighthearted smile appears on Blitz. 

“Not everything is about you,” he responds lightly. 

You return his smile with one of your own. You feel the weight of the night lift just a bit. Things aren’t healed completely, but at the moment, the waters are calm. You sit in silence as you both process everything that was said tonight. You hear Blitz sigh.

“Look, I won’t say I completely agree with you leaving, but I guess I understand why you did it. I don’t fucking like it, but it’s done. Now I know,” Blitz starts. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to move on from this. Too many emotions for one night.”

“What does that mean, Blitz?” You look at Blitz as he hops off the stage.

“Well, first, it means you put your number in my phone,” he says as he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

“Gross,” you respond as you take his phone from him and put in your number. 

He takes his phone back, and you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. You take it out, and you see someone is calling you. You look at Blitz and see him staring at your phone before looking back up at you.

“Whoops, meant to text you,”  he says awkwardly.

“You were calling to see if I gave you my actual number, weren’t you?” You deadpan. 

“Ha, can never be too sure,” he replies, rubbing the back of his neck.

His awkward smile is too goofy to be mad at, and you find yourself smiling and rolling your eyes at him. You make small talk as you fix things before you both head out for the night. You’re at the bar washing the glass you used when Blitz speaks up again.

“I knew it, by the way,” Blitz say matter of factly.

“Knew what?” You say as you put the glass down to dry and turn to look at him.

“You wanting to do nasty things with the clown,” Blitz says as he grabs the locket you set down at the bar.

You feel your face burn as your jaw drops. You hold out your hand for the locket, and he drops it in your hand. 

“I did not say that, Blitz,” you say as you watch him smirk at your reaction. “Besides, I misspoke.”

“Right…” Blitz says, following you as you head to the entrance in embarrassment. 

“Is it bad I’m a tiny bit glad you don’t have contact with Fizzarolli?”

“Why? So I don’t tell him how much you want to-.”

“GOod night, Blitz,” you say as you leave the club. 

You close the door after Blitz steps out with a prideful smirk.

“You’re crazy if you think I’m not walking you to your apartment,” he says as he walks in the direction Stolas and he found you. 

You slightly jog to catch up with him.

“It’s really not necessary, Blitz,” you say. 

“I’m not leaving you alone. It’s next time,” Blitz says while he looks at you.

You feel your heart warm up as you realize he remembers the night you went looking for them. You smile at him as he rolls his eyes. After getting to your apartment building, you say goodbye to Blitz, and he walks in the other direction. You weren’t sure if he would text you, but it was nice having this day. 

You walk up to your apartment and let yourself fall on your couch. You should probably head to bed, but you wanted to reflect on what happened today. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, and you definitely spilled more than you wanted to, but at least Blitz knew why you ran. That’s all that mattered. If he doesn’t forgive you, you would just add him to the list of people who didn’t right under you. You feel your phone buzz, and you smile slightly at the notif.

Blitzø

thx for not runing this time

didnt meen what i said

did care abut u

You smile softly. His spelling has not gotten better. 

You

Thanks Blitz.

You glance at the time before you decide to head off to bed. As you tuck in, you ponder how things might be different. Hopefully, everything is okay. In fact, you hope tonight was all the excitement you need for this year. You close your eyes, and you go to sleep with your heart feeling a bit lighter than it’s felt in years. 

Song mentioned: The World We Knew (Over and Over). sung by Frank Sinatra.

*I've had some interest shown in this being a Reader x Poly (Stolas, Blitz, Fizz, and Ozzie), so I am currently leaving things ambiguous! If you have any opinions on which pairing you'd like, please don't be afraid to let me know!

[jaazzpur]

Morningstar family redesigns

I kinda wanted to expand on my choices for my redesigns for fun

So first, Lucifer. I really don’t have a lot of issues with his original design, I think it’s fun and fits within the Hazbin universe! I just wanted to reimagine him.

I always liked the idea of Lucifer having curly reddish hair, something about his fall turning his hair red (this design isn’t 100% biblically accurate as it is just for fun), but I toned down the red to be closer to his original blonde since I also like blonde Lucifer, and I figured he’d liked to keep his hair neat so I decided to put it up and take away the hat

I wanted to keep the ring leader theme in his outfit, but I wanted to further incorporate the snake element in his design since I think he’d be proud of his fall (hence why his suit looks burnt and torn, and he shows off his burnt arm, I figured he’d do this intentionally to remind others of his rebellion)

Lastly I changed the entire family’s main colors to purple, as biblically out of the 7 sins Pride is purple and since he’s supposed to rule pride in the show I figured he’d be more purple themed then red, pretty simple🙏

Next Lilith, I think she was the only one out of the three where I didn’t really like her original design. Not only because she didn’t have much going on, but she also looked really similar to Lucifer, to the point where they almost look blood related.

I think Viv’s choices for Lilith were a bit odd, as she had SOO much potential that just wasn’t used.

I kept her blonde hair but I gave it some tan undertones and I put it up into a semi-low slicked back pompadour inspired by some hairstyles you might see young women have in the early 1900s or late 1800s, but I gave her a little down section that fades into a dark purple and looks somewhat feathery due to one adaption of her describing her as a “screech owl”. I kept the purple theme somewhat like the original and plus she technically rules over pride as well, I would have loved to have given her a red theme if pride was red.

Based on these different adaptations of Lilith a took inspiration from each, giving her a flame-themed dress and the upper body of a beautiful women yet still somewhat demon-like, I also put some fluff at the bottom of her dress since I thought it looked kinda like smoke puffs and clouds. Her stomach is covered with gold rings that look somewhat like a snake belly, and I gave her a necklace with a style inspired by some eastern jewelry, the jewels on her necklace are each the color of one of the 7 sins which I thought would be a fun touch and a little bit of a “showing off” of her role as the queen of hell.

lastly I kept her horns since she is meant to be a succubus, but I stylized them a bit to look less like those big ram-like ones since I didn’t really like how odd they looked against her head. I also gave her long slender fingers that faded to a black naturally as in biblical lore she steals babies from mothers and I thought making her hands that she stole the children with look creepy and eerie yet still beautiful was a nice touch.

Lastly, Charlie! Again, I didn’t really have a problem with the original design. I changed her suit color and theme to prides color, put I made her hair curlier and more red/orange like her dads, and I wanted some parts of her suit to resemble his a bit hence the buttons and the back of her suit going out like her dad’s (but a bit shorter for convenience.)

I imagine her being a bit showy so I kinda decked her out in silver, I thought it’d also be a fun mirroring of how her mom is covered in gold. Her shoes are pretty similar to the original, I put a little split at the front of the shoes in the dark purple since Viv has said she has little hooves which I’m not sure is true but I thought it was a fun idea so I kinda hinted at it with that

I changed her irises (is that what they’re called?) to look more snake-like like her dad, and I gave her little horns since I thought they were cute and I wanted her to maybe show them on purpose because she wanted to blend in more with the citizens of hell so they might feel less intimidated by her presence as the princess, that’s also why I didn’t give her a crown :]

Overall this was just a fun little project I did out of curiosity and boredom, these designs aren’t made to criticize or taunt vivziepop since like I said I love her designs already

[z0mbiekisses]

Short imagine/one shot of Josh and reader where she’s the videographer for a festival they’re playing and he sees her and asks her to come backstage and they go from friends to lovers over the week long festival. Maybe on the last day he asks her to continue on tour with them?

Hehe I need someone to write my requests while I write other requests 😁😁

HELLOO P!! 🤗 thank you sm for being my first request i’m sooo excited!! hopefully it’s not too long 😅 if it wasn’t for your work i don’t think i’d ever have the motivation to write so just know your work doesn’t go unnoticed && i’ll always write your requests 🫡

as for anyone else reading this i hope you enjoy this as well!!(: i haven’t wrote an imagine in so longgg, so hopefully it’s good!! my requests are open 🫶!

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

VIDEOTAPE !

i’ve always loved filming. whether it was my friends goofing around or my cats simply existing in their space peacefully. i love just being able to capture the moment then and there. i also love music. concerts are my number one happy place. who knew that two of my favorite things could turn into a career?

i was doing an apprenticeship for this photography company. this week, i’m going to the music festival the town did every summer. except this time i’m able to be the videographer for one of the main stages! i was stoked to say the least.

it was the first day, i spent the morning helping set up the stage i’ll be filming for the next 6 days. since this stage was more for the “bigger acts.” no one was scheduled to perform till 3. after i was done, i went to explore the festival a bit before i was gonna be stuck at the same stage for hours. as i was grabbing a drink, i noticed a guy next to me in line at the taco truck. his hair was black with red underneath it. his black tanktop showing off his colorful tattoos. he must've noticed me staring. he looked over and flashed a smile at me. it was contiguous, i instantly smiled back at him before my drink was handed to me. i walked away hoping i'd run into this handsome stranger. that i'd find him in the crowd of thousands of people..

the only downside to being a videographer is not being able to dance around to the music. i had to make sure my videos were the best quality, trying hard to catch the peak moments of each artist's set. however, i was able to be in front of the crowd. only people in my section were other photographers/videographers and security. it was also nice hearing new music. most of the bands i was familiar with were playing later in the festival. and luckily for me i only work two nights. the last band set to play was about to come on. i looked behind me and saw the crowd double in size. whoever was about to play must be popular. a red light came on the stage, shining on a guy wearing a ski mask. i watched as he walked over to the drum kit on the stage. people in the crowd were screaming. i listened to the drummer, he was one of the best so far. i then eventually the singer came on stage, also wearing a ski mask. and the music started blaring. let me tell you, these guys knew how to put on a show. it was the hardest set yet for me to NOT dance and jump around. eventually the drummer took off his ski mask, and it was the same guy i saw in line. during the show he recognized me and smiled. which i made sure to get on film, even though it caught me off guard that he even remembered me from our brief interaction.

this show was my favorite to film. these guys knew how to put on hell of a show. some of my best footage came from their set. i quickly learned the drummer's name was 'josh dun." who i admired the whole night. his eyes would seem to find me, making sure to flash a grin or do some sort of pose for me..and the camera of course. and every time i felt my heart flutter. their set was over and as i was getting ready to head back to my tent a security guard caught my attention. he said i was asked to be somewhere. i had not a clue where they were dragging me to. nonetheless, i hopped on the golf cart, making sure to film the different bright neon displays that shined through the dark open field. they brought me to a fancy tent. it was huge, there was a soft glow from all of the fairy lights. giving a nice soft ambience. i began to fidget with the rings on my fingers. still unsure on what this place is and why i was here. until the same guy with black and red hair came up to greet me. i somehow felt relieved yet so much more nervous.

“i hope this is okay, i wanted to talk to you but i didn’t want to hope that i’d run into you again.”, josh chuckled nervously.

“duh, who doesn’t like backstage passes.”, i laughed softly. hoping i wasn’t making a fool out of myself.

“i’m josh by the way.”, he smiled once again. reaching out his hand.

“y/n”, i shook his hand. i looked up into his brown eyes. i was admiring his features, from his long eyelashes to his soft lips. i looked away to prevent myself from looking like a total creep. he brought me over to one of the many couches and sat with me. we talked about our careers, and what made us chose them. i enjoyed listening to him talk about something he was passionate about. the way his eyes would squint up whenever he got excited. i barely know this man.. but good god. i thought he looked good on stage, glistened in sweat & his hair damp. but seeing him get so happy was so attractive.

i spent the next 24 hours thinking about josh dun. i sadly didn’t run into him the next day at the festival, but my work was able to occupy MOST of my mind. however it was officially the 3rd day, and my first day off duty. i traded my athletic leisure for something more festival appropriate. i decided on a short sparkly black dress that had silver moon & stars printed over it. as i was walking around the festival that night, i felt someone tap my shoulder. which honestly scared me a little bit until i turned around and saw josh.

“sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you.”, josh must’ve noticed me jump. i wrapped my arms around him. normally i’m not big on hugs. but once again, there was something about him.

“i missed you pretty girl.”, he mumbled against my neck. i couldn’t hide my blush as i pulled away. we talked about our plans yesterday and how we just barley missed an encounter with each other every time. i brought him over to charli xcx’s set. i was nervous he was going to be one of those guys who just stands there and silently judges you for dancing. but josh jumped up and down with me, in my mind it was just me & him. he occasionally would hold onto my waist from behind as we danced together. which flooded my stomach with butterflies. afterwards, i followed him to the stage where one of his favorite bands were playing; death cab for cutie. he held my way the whole way through as we navigated the crowds. josh was also able to get us into vip, which i’ve been in before for work. but this was so much better. being able to relax and really enjoy the music. josh’s hands never left mines. i felt safe besides him. i smiled as i watched him sing along to the music, clearly enjoying himself. of course, i had to get it on camera. to which josh started singing to when he finally noticed. i never wanted this night to end. josh walked me back to where my cab was. i looked up at him for a moment. i wanted to kiss him. everything in that moment was screaming at me to do so. but i was so worried about messing things up that i just stared at him.

“i had so much fun with you tonight, you’re really cool y/n.”, i smiled sweetly at josh’s compliment.

“thanks, you’re not too bad yourself joshua.”, i responded which earned a chuckle from josh. we continued to look at each other, not wanting to leave but unsure what to do next.

“maybe i could have your number? you know, so you can send me that video of me singing.”, josh tried to play it off. i giggled and typed my number in his phone.

the fourth day, i decided to go for a more spacey look. i wore a silver shimmery dress & i put star glitter in my space buns. of course, i met up with josh again. who i got to match with me. he was wearing a white t-shirt with an alien on it.

“you look better each time i see you i don’t get it.”, josh’s compliment made my cheeks heat up. it was almost embarrassing the effect this man had on me. but i didn’t mind it. we ran around the festival, trying random foods & messing around with the different photo ops. we even met up with his bandmate, tyler and his girlfriend jenna. me and her instantly clicked, as if we were best friends in another universe. it was amazing, i never thought this would happen. eventually we parted ways and josh dragged me to the goo goo dolls set. our hands still intertwined. i closed my eyes and moved side to side as i listened to iris, one of my favorite songs. josh pulled me in closer to his side. i looked up at him, meeting his warm brown eyes again.

“you’re so beautiful, you know that right y/n?”, i bit my lip slightly trying to surpress the huge grin on my face. before i could say anything else i could feel josh leaning into me. his lips met mine and my heart was practically beating out my chest. i wasted no time running my hair through his soft curls. josh grabbed my waist and pulled me in closer to him. i dreamed of moments like these. we both had the biggest smiles on our face as we pulled away. josh walked me to my cab again, josh was telling me they were going to start their tour soon. i felt sad. sure, maybe it was naive of me to think this could be anything long term. but this week had been so amazing, the thought of it being over hurt. and knowing josh would be gone for months hurt even more. there was a bit of silence as we were walking, i didn’t have much to say this time around. josh stopped me, holding my hands in front of him.

“okay this may sound crazy, you can say no.”, josh warned me. i could tell he was nervous to ask me. i watched his face as he tried to find the words in his head.

“we need a videographer for our tour, our usual one wife just had a baby so.. would you be interested in being our videographer?”, my face lit up.

“yes!”, i exclaimed. i hugged josh tightly. he spun me around as we giggled together out of excitement. josh kept his arms around me & pulled me in again. our lips crashing together. i was looking forward to having more moments like these over the next 4 months.

[kwanisms]

The Library of Illusion — Amateur Sleuth

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➮ noir P.I!Jongho × fem!Reader wc: 7.9k summary: The crime/mystery section transports Y/N into a dark hallway with flickering fluorescent lights and doors with frosted glass. One door, the only one left ajar, has gold paint that reads CJ: Private Eye and with the door already open, what else is there to do? genres/themes/au: angst, slight fluff, smut; fantasy, crime, mystery, suspense; non idol au, private detective au, private investigator au, noir crime au warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, mention of infidelity and dog fighting, sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut!

permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @wonderfulshinee @candidupped @dejavernon @violagoth @tigermoonbiss @katsukis1wife @luvsooby @thesolarplanetarysystem @salty-for-suga @devilsmatches @dmnspiit @simeonswhore @yangracha @seonghwalover @atinypurr @aikyubi @labyrinthonmymind @bintificreads

ateez taglist: @2hodefender @cixrosie @pyeonghongrie-main @flowerboykun @sanjoongie @anyamaris @stardragongalaxy @kpop-stories-21 @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @mlysalt @cinnamoon-belle @briannabk22 @is4b3ll3s @hyukssunflower @vampiirose @0325tiny

special tags: @thelargefrye @hwasangelbaby

join my taglists! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED.

a/n: this went in a different direction than I planned but I’m not complaining. I figured I’d leave the horror in the horror section and not include a crime scene and settled for the generic ‘wife hires a P.I. cause she thinks her husband is cheating but turns out to be something else entirely.’ Thank you so much for reading this installment of the Library of Illusion series and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

smut warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), fingering (f receiving), dirty talk, use of pet names (baby, doll), very mild degradation, mention of previous sexual encounters, multiple orgasms (f receiving), multiple rounds, creampie, and I think that’s everything. Please let me know if I missed anything.

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“How was your trip back in time?”

You walked over to the desk, holding out the key for Seonghwa to take.

He looked up from the key to you before slowly taking it. “The lord’s advisors wanted to execute me,” you replied as Seonghwa put the key away, shutting the box softly. “But they didn’t,” Seonghwaa replied as he looked up from the box to meet your gaze. Your eyes narrowed. “But they wanted to.”

Seonghwa said nothing, merely holding your gaze.

Moments passed as you had a stare down with the man behind the desk before you finally broke. “Aren’t you supposed to ask me where I want to go next?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

The tension in the room was so thick as Seonghwa took a moment to process what you said, still staring at you with an unreadable expression. Sensing he wasn’t going to move until you did, you finally broke the silence.

“Alright then, I’ll visit the crime section next,” you said, turning away from him and making your way to the door, passing the dark sign for the science fiction section and to the lit up sign for the crime and mystery section.

Turning to face Seonghwa, you watched as he begrudgingly got up, made his way over slowly, pulling out his keys and picked out the right one. “You’re sure about this?” he asked as he reached you, hesitating to look up at you.

You nodded, determined to get through the next trial and get the key. Monsters and aliens were one thing but your only experience with men so far in the Library had been a walk in the park compared to your trial in both the science fiction and horror sections.

“I’m sure,” you answered. Seonghwa said nothing more as he unlocked the door, turning the knob and opening the door.

“Remember,” he said softly as you stepped past him.

“Be careful. The horror section was one thing but this is the crime section.” You glanced back at him, meeting his eyes as they flashed red for a brief moment. “I’ll be okay,” you answered. “If I can handle aliens, spider creatures, and bloodthirsty advisors of a feudal lord, I think I can handle this.”

Seonghwa nodded and shut the door behind you, leaving you alone in the shelves as you headed down the long dark corridor.

Each section had changed and morphed as you headed further and you could only imagine and wonder which direction this section would take you.

As you continued to walk, your boots echoing on the wooden floor, you spotted something in the distance; a light. Your steps sped up, wanting to get through the corridor as fast as you could. The light didn’t seem to grow any closer as you walked and you wondered if it was a trick.

This was the crime and mystery section so it didn’t seem likely that it was some sort of trick of the light or anything like that but then again, you never knew. This was the Library of Illusion after all.

After a couple more minutes, you noticed that the light seemed to be growing in size. Relief flooded your senses as you continued to walk closer and closer to the light.

As you drew nearer, you realized it was a doorway. The light was inside the doorway and soon, you discovered it was an elevator. Inside the box was a simple lever and a gate. You stepped inside and closed the grate before turning to look at the lever. Glancing around you saw there were no buttons.

Placing your hand on the lever, you took a deep breath and pulled it towards you. The elevator jolted before starting to ascend. The only light was the dim one above you that flickered occasionally as the lift climbed in whatever building you were in.

You waited for what felt like hours but could have only been a few minutes when the elevator finally arrived at a floor, the blackness of the wall before you opening up to reveal a hallway. The lift dinged as it stopped and you were clear to open the grate.

Pulling it back, you peered out of the open doorway before stepping out into the hallway. It wasn’t nearly as long as the other one. The walls were a simple yellow paint, sort of dingy and faded. Clearly this was an old building. As you walked down the hall towards another light, the green carpet dulling your steps, you caught sight of two other doors with frosted glass windows.

“What is this place?” you whispered as you stopped to inspect one of the doors. Trying the handle, you found it was locked. With an annoyed huff, you continued to the door where the light was coming from.

Finally reaching the door, you discovered it was ajar and you pushed it open carefully, peering through the crack. It was empty save for some furniture. Opening the door more, you stepped into the room, surveying it carefully.

The carpet was the same green as the hall and the walls the same yellow paint. There was a dark wood desk in the center of the room covered with scattered papers and other desk decor. There was a high back leather chair behind the desk.

The walls were lined with bookcases and filing cabinets, each full of papers and books. As you walked into the room, you started to look around further. The books on the shelves varied from languages to cracking ciphers.

As you started to reach for one of the books, you heard footsteps and turned as the door was thrown open fully and shut as a man entered the room, locking the door and huffing as if he’d run a marathon. You froze, eyes wide as he turned from the door and his eyes met yours, looking just as shocked.

“Who the hell are you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “Uh,” you replied, lowering your hand. “I’m Y/N,” you answered turning to face him fully.

You watched as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a small revolver. “Whoa,” you said, holding your hands up. “There’s no need for that!”

You eyed him as he aimed the gun, keeping it trained on you.

“Why are you here?” he asked. “How did you get in?”

You eyed the gun nervously. You’d never had a gun drawn on you before.

“The door was unlocked and the light was on. I came in to see if anyone was here,” you answered. The man gave you a suspicious look. “Who do you work for?” he asked suddenly. You shook your head, shrugging.

“No one.” you answered. “I’m not a spy or something. I don’t even know where I am,” you added.

The man held you at gunpoint as he started to inspect the room. “If I find anything missing,” he warned as he started to search. “Go ahead,” you replied. “I have nothing to hide.”

You watched as he searched the whole office, checking all the drawers on the desk as well as the shelves.

When he was satisfied nothing was missing, he holstered the gun. “What’s your name, again?” He asked as he moved to stand before you. “Y/N,” you answered. “And you are?”

He looked up to meet your gaze. “CJ,” he answered. “I’m a private investigator.”

You looked around the office again and it suddenly made sense. The papers, the bulletin board with the pins and red thread. “How did you get here?” CJ asked, you turned your attention back to him. “I walked,” you answered plainly.

“I followed a hallway to an elevator and took the lift up. It brought me to this hallway,” you continued to explain. The man’s eyes narrowed.

“And how did you end up in that hallway?”

Deciding it would be better to play it safe, you told him everything. How you got into the hall, the Library, your quest, all of it save for the intimate details.

CJ listened with mild curiosity as you explained how you ended up in his office.

“I know it sounds outrageous,” you said as he stared back at you. “But I promise it’s the truth.”

You waited for him to respond, watching as he seemingly thought over your words thus far. Finally he nodded. “I’ve heard crazier stories,” he replied. “And they ended up being true, so this doesn’t seem entirely unlikely.”

You relaxed, glad he took your explanation at face value. If it hadn’t been for an introduction of a gun, you never would have told another soul about the Library but you weren’t going to take any chances when a firearm was involved.

“Now what?” you asked after a beat of silence, watching as he moved to take a seat behind the desk. It was only now that you got a good look at him. When he entered, he’d been wearing a long tan coat but under that he wore a white button down with dark khaki pants and thick black suspenders.

CJ looked up at you. “What do you mean?” he asked. You glanced around the room. “Do I just leave?” you asked. “Or do I stay? Like, what now?”

CJ shrugged. “What do you want to do?”

“I need to find that key,” you replied. “That’s the reason I’m here.”

CJ nodded quickly, leaning forward. “Right, right,” he said. “The key.”

You watched as he leaned over, pulling open a desk drawer and pulled out a folded piece of cloth. He set it on top of the desk and pulled back the material.

You gasped, drawing his attention.

Inside the cloth was a key, made of the same metal and with its own insignia just like the other three keys. “Are you the Guardian?” you asked as CJ looked up at you. “Guardian? I don’t know about that,” he answered as you moved forward to get a closer look at the key.

Just as quickly as he produced it, CJ covered the key and placed it back inside the desk drawer. “I found it,” he admitted as he locked the drawer, pocketing the key in his right pocket. “Figured it was some sort of antique and I might be able to sell it.”

A frown settled on your face. “Sell it? For how much?” CJ pondered for a moment before answering. “I’m not entirely sure. See, I didn’t know what it was for. What it opened or if it even went to anything. It could have been a dud but now that I know it opens something, I’m more inclined to see what it opens.”

You shook your head. “I don’t think that’s possible,” you replied. “Seonghwa would never allow it.” CJ tilted his head, watching you with his dark eyes. “Seonghwa? Ah, the Keeper of Keys?” You nodded in reply.

“He’s sort of a stickler for the rules.”

CJ nodded slowly as he thought for a moment. “Tell you what, doll,” he said suddenly, sitting up straight. “How about we make a deal?”

Ignoring the pet name, you narrowed your eyes. “A deal?”

CJ nodded before speaking. “You help me with this case and I’ll pay you with the key.”

You glanced at the desk before looking back up at him.

“What sort of case?”

The case, it turned out, was a cheating husband. CJ had been paid by the wife to find irrefutable proof that her husband was cheating on her so she could divorce him and take everything. You weren’t entirely against the idea but you did question your safety which prompted CJ to ask if you had experience with guns.

When you shook your head, he clicked his tongue but got up anyway and headed to one of the bookcases, pulling a book which turned out to be a secret lever that released a locking mechanism and allowed him to push the book aside to reveal a safe in the wall.

Behind the safe door was a small fortune in gold and a few choice weapons. He didn’t trust you with a gun as you had no experience but he was more than willing to loan you a twelve inch fixed knife which you now had strapped to your hip.

The pair of you then headed out as he explained that he’d learned the routine of his target and knew where he was going to be tonight but you weren’t dressed for the occasion. That was how you followed CJ upstairs to his flat, watching as he dug through his closet and pulled out a dress and shoes for you to change into.

You'd initially turned that down so instead he compromised. You’d wear the dress while he’d stuff your clothes and boots into a small satchel. You didn’t like the idea of wearing the red sequined dress but once it was on, you couldn’t deny that it looked really good. You borrowed one of his coats and then the two of you were on your way to a club in the city.

Inside the club was something out of a movie. If it had been any other situation, you would have tried to enjoy the atmosphere but you were undercover and couldn’t afford distractions.

Once inside the club, you and CJ made your way over to a seat in the corner so CJ could keep an eye on his target. You finally got a glimpse of the man. He was tall with dark hair, wearing a dark navy blue suit. He looked like a regular guy and so ordinary. You half expected some kind of shifty villain but reminded yourself this wasn’t a movie.

CJ ordered two drinks and not long after they arrived. You sipped yours sparingly, while noticing CJ didn’t even touch his. “If you don’t drink it, you’re gonna look suspicious,” you said quietly. “I don’t drink,” he replied. “Clouds my judgment.”

You stared blankly at him. “Then why order it?” you asked. He turned his head to look at you briefly. “Because it looks weird if I don’t,” he replied. “Now stop distracting me.” You shook your head.

“It looks more suspicious if you order a drink and don’t drink it,” you said, pushing the martini towards him. “One drink isn’t going to kill you.”

CJ pushed the drink away. “I. Don’t. Drink.” With a huff, you downed the rest of your drink and set the empty glass on the seat next to you before taking his. “What are you—” he began but you cut him off.

“I told you,” you answered, taking the olive out of the cup. “It looks more suspicious to order a drink and not drink it. Makes it look like you’re trying too hard to fit in.”

CJ watched as you sucked the olive off the toothpick before looking away.

“And stop staring,” you added as you lifted the glass and took a sip.

“You’re being obvious.”

CJ groaned softly and gave you an annoyed look.

“How am I supposed to do my job then?”

You sighed, setting the glass down and turned to him. “First of all, take off your coat. You look like you’re about to dart out the door at any second.” CJ slowly shrugged his coat off, draping it over the satchel.

You caught a passing waiter and quietly asked for a virgin martini without the olive. He nodded and made his way to the bar, returning shortly with the drink and set it on the table. Thanking him, you pushed the drink towards CJ who glared at you.

“I don’t—”

“It’s a mocktail,” you interrupted. He glanced at the drink and back. “A what?"

“It’s not real alcohol. It’s a fake cocktail.”

CJ picked up the drink and sniffed it.

“Oh my god,” you whispered. “Just drink it.”

He took a sip and made a face. “That’s disgusting,” he whined. You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of his old drink. “Then don’t order martinis,” you answered.

The two of you sat in silence, sipping your drinks. You occasionally snuck glances at the target while reminding CJ to stop staring. “He’s going to catch on if you don’t stop it.”

CJ grumbled as he finished his mocktail. “That was revolting,” he huffed. You rolled your eyes again. As the waiter came by, he asked if you’d like another. You nodded. “Instead of the virgin martini, can we get a virgin Manhattan?” you asked, to which he nodded with a smile and took your empty glasses.

“Now what did you order?”

You turned to look at CJ. “You didn’t like that martini, so I got you something else,” you answered. He stared at you for a moment before turning to look at the target.

You looked up and noticed some of the men looking your way. ‘Shit.’

As the waiter returned with your drinks, you thanked him and turned CJ’s attention away from the men. “Try this,” you said, setting the drink in front of him. He looked down at it. “What is it?” he asked as you picked up your martini.

“A virgin Manhattan. No alcohol and it probably tastes a lot better than the martini.”

He picked up the drink and took a sip. “You’re right,” he said, looking mildly surprised. “This is much better.”

You relaxed as he took another sip. Several of the men sitting with the target were now looking in your direction. You downed the rest of your drink and got up, moving to grab CJ’s hand and pull him up.

“What are you doing?” He hissed as you pulled him from the table and onto the dance floor. “The men at the table are watching us. You’re being too obvious,” you said as you placed one of his hands on your hip and took the other in yours.

“Just dance with me for a couple songs,” you instructed as you both fell into the rhythm of the music. “Let them forget we’re here and then we’ll go back.”

CJ was a surprisingly good dancer and you were thankful, otherwise this might have drawn more attention.

“Where did you learn to dance?” you asked as he spun you. “My mother,” he answered. “She used to wake me up on Saturday mornings with the radio and we’d dance while she made breakfast.”

You smiled at him. “That’s really sweet,” you replied. “Do you still see her?”

CJ shook his head. “She passed away last year.” The smile on your face dropped. “I’m sorry CJ,” you answered. Silence fell over the two of you as you continued to dance.

“Jongho.”

You looked up at him, mildly startled. His eyes met yours. “My name is Jongho,” he continued. “Choi Jongho.” Your lips spread into another smile.

“That explains CJ,” you replied, taking note of the small smile on his face.

When you were sure the men at the table had forgotten about you and Jongho, you led him over to the bar to order two new drinks. “I still have a drink at the table,” he said as you waved the bartender down.

“First rule of drinking at a club,” you said after telling the bartender your order and turning to look at Jongho. “Never leave your drink unattended and come back to drink it. Someone could have slipped something into it.”

You thanked the bartender as he handed your drinks over. You handed Jongho his drink and led him back to the table. His drink had been picked up by a server but you didn’t want to take any chances.

When you arrived back at the table, you switched the seating.

“Sit here,” you whispered, lightly kicking the chair across from yours. Jongho looked up at you confused. “But I can’t see them if I sit here,” he answered. You nodded. “Exactly,” you replied. “But I can.”

He hesitated, looking like he was about to argue but he surprisingly took the seat.

“If we lose them,” he said, taking a sip of his drink. “I’m blaming you.”

Luckily, you didn’t lose them. Instead, you made Jongho tell you everything he had about the target up to the present point. You wanted to know everything he did, everyone he saw, everywhere he went.

You were nursing your martini while he finished his drink when you saw the men get up. “They’re moving,” you whispered. Jongho moved to turn his head but you reached forward, grabbing his hand and drawing his attention.

“Don’t make it obvious. Just let them go, we’ll follow shortly.”

To your surprise, Jongho fell into the act, taking your hand in his and looking down at it as the target continued to move through the club. You watched as Jongho got up and moved into the seat next to you, still holding your hand in his.

“How do you know so much about tailing someone?” he asked softly, looking up to meet your gaze. You took another sip of your drink. “I watch a lot of movies,” you replied, not noticing the confused look on his face.

“What are movies?”

You wracked your brain, trying to think of how to explain what a movie was. “It’s like a moving picture,” you replied. “Oh, cinemas,” Jongho said with a nod. You nodded quickly. “Yes, cinemas,” you answered.

You saw Jongho’s eyes follow the target behind you, his head staying still. He leaned in closely, lips close to your ear. “They’ve stopped at the bar.”

You nodded, before faking a giggle. “Just play along,” you whispered back. Jongho nodded. You never thought you’d have to teach a private investigator how to perform a stakeout but here you were, teaching Jongho.

“Pretend like you’re kissing my neck,” you whispered. You heard Jongho sputter.

“Are you insane?!”

“Just do it”

Jongho hesitated. “I can’t pretend to do that,” he murmured, to your annoyance. “Then just do it for real.”

He stared back at you. “What are we doing?”

“We want them to think we’re here as a couple. Do you want your cover blown?”

Jongho shook his head. “I can’t just do that out of nowhere,” he protested.

You rolled your eyes, pushing your drink back before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss. You could feel the way he tensed up under your touch but as your lips moved against his, Jongho relaxed, even leaning into the kiss. When you pulled back, breaking the kiss, Jongho looked mildly upset.

“I wasn’t done, yet,” he whispered, pulling you back into another kiss.

Pulling back, you broke the kiss for a second time.

“Don’t get too into the act,” you reminded him. “We don’t wanna lose them.” Jongho glared at you before glancing behind you and then towards the door. “They’re leaving,” he noted.

You glanced over your shoulder before looking back at the table they’d been sitting at which was now empty. Glancing at the bar, you saw none of the men that had been with the target were in sight.

“Alright,” you answered. “The coast is clear.” Jongho grabbed his coat before handing you the satchel. “Let’s go.”

You got up, leaving some cash on the table before heading for the door. Jongho peered out and saw the men standing around, some smoking while they spoke. “We can’t go out this way,” he murmured.

“The side door,” you whispered. Jongho quickly took your hand and led you back into the club, squeezing through the other patrons and to the hall where the bathrooms were. There was a side door here you’d seen earlier while dancing and it was unlocked thankfully as you and Jongho headed out into the alley between the club and the building next door.

“Wait!” you whispered as Jongho headed for the end of the alley. He turned back to look at you. “I need to change!”

“The bathrooms are just inside, I'll keep an eye on them,” he replied.

You turned back to the door and tried to pull it open only to find it had locked when it shut. “It’s locked!” you hissed. Jongho groaned. “Then just change here!”

You looked around. “Right here?”

Jongho nodded. “We’re the only ones here,” he replied. “Just change quickly.”

You hesitated. “I can’t change here,” you replied softly, prompting him to turn. “Well they’re still by the doors and you can’t get back in from here,” he explained. You glanced around before turning back to him.

“Just hurry up,” he insisted. “No one else is here.”

“But what if someone comes by?”

Jongho turned to look at you. You could see his eyes looking around as he tried to find a solution. “I’ll cover you,” he finally said, shrugging his coat off and holding it up. “Just dress quickly.”

You nodded as he held the coat up, keeping and eye out for anyone walking into the alley or coming from the club side door.

You moved as quickly as you could, unzipping the side of the dress and shimmying out of it. You kicked the shoes off before digging into the satchel for your shorts and top. You pulled them on, cheeks burning as you pulled your shorts over your bare bottom half.

You should have fought San for your panties but it was too late now.

Once your shorts were on, you pulled on your blouse and buttoned it up before pulling on your socks and slipping your feet into your boots, tightening the laces.

Now fully dressed, you shoved the dress and shoes into the satchel and stood up straight. “Okay,” you announced. “Done.”

Jongho lowered the coat and nodded, pulling it back on as you headed for the end of the alley, peering around the corner, Jongho not far behind.

“Ow,” you hissed, pushing Jongho off you. “You stood on my foot!”

He mumbled an apology before peering around you and the corner. “Wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t in the way, doll,” he answered. You glared at him, about to retort when he shushed you, leaning past you to watch.

You turned to peek around the corner where you saw the target and his friends getting into two taxis.

“They’re getting into taxis,” Jongho announced, which prompted you to pinch his arm. “I can see that!” you hissed, ignoring the scowl on Jongho’s face.

“Which one is it again?” you whispered, eyes scanning as the men split up. “He’s getting into the front seat of the first taxi,” Jongho answered. “And his wife really thinks he’s cheating?”

Jongho nodded.

“Seems pretty anticlimactic,” you replied.

Jongho shrugged his shoulders. “It pays the bills,” he answered before grabbing your arm and pulling you back. “Shit, the car is coming, hide!”

The two of you scrambled behind a dumpster as the two taxis drove past the alley the two of you were currently hiding in. Your chest was pressed against the steel side of the dumpster, Jongho behind you, pressing into your backside.

You could feel his breath against your neck until he cleared his throat and stepped backwards. “H-he’s gone,” he said softly. You turned around to face him, finding he was already looking away. “We should probably follow him.”

Once in Jongho’s car, the two of you managed to find the taxis and followed them at a distance through the city. The drive led the two of you to the farside of whatever town you were in. “Where are we?” you asked, looking out the window.

“We’re over by the docks,” Jongho answered as he slowed the car to a stop, keeping the headlights off as he pulled to the corner of the street where the taxis had turned down. “It’s nothing but old unused warehouses over here,” he added as you both looked down the street.

The taxis had stopped. “This is it,” Jongho said, putting the car into reverse and pulling back a few feet before parking the car and cutting the engine. “Let’s go,” he said, leaning into the back of the car and grabbing a camera.

You opened your door and got out, shutting the door as quietly as possible as Jongho fiddled with the camera. He moved quickly to the corner of the building and peered around it, raising the camera to snap a couple pictures.

You peered around him just in time to see the men enter one of the old buildings as the taxis drove off. Jongho kept you behind him as the two of you made your way down the street. You stopped, grabbing Jongho as you noticed the man standing by the door.

Just as quickly, you pulled him into an alley between two buildings. “What are you doing?” Jongho hissed. You put a finger to your lips and beckoned him to follow you.

Peering around the corner, you could see now two men guarding the entrance of the warehouse. “Shit,” Jongho whispered. “How do we get in?”

You pulled back to look up at the building. You noticed a couple of cracked windows and moved over to climb on top of some old boxes to peer inside. “Here,” you whispered, waving him over.

You carefully pushed the window open and looked inside the building.

When you saw no one, you hoisted yourself up. “Be careful!” Jongho whispered as you pulled yourself into the window and carefully dropped down onto a table inside the building.

Jongho peered in, calling your attention with a ‘pst.’

You looked up as he held up the camera before tossing it to you.

You caught it as he climbed into the window, lowering himself onto the same table as you looked around, raising the camera and taking a couple of pictures for him. Jongho joined you on the warehouse floor and took the camera back.

The two of you looked around until you noticed light coming from a stairwell leading into a basement. You tapped Jongho and pointed. He nodded and led the way quietly, careful to avoid any old or loose looking floorboards.

The staircase was metal and didn’t creak thankfully.

As you made your way down the stairs, distant shouting could be heard. The further into the basement you descended, the louder the shouting. Soon you could hear barking and growling amongst the shouting.

You grabbed Jongho’s arm, causing him to look up at you. “Dogs,” you whispered.

He nodded, obviously not piecing together what you were. “Dog fighting,” you whispered, satisfied when it sunk in and his eyes widened. “We shouldn’t be here,” you continued but Jongho shook his head. “I have a job to do,” he replied. “And if you want that key, you’re gonna help me.”

Your heart sank and you saw no other way out of this.

Nodding, you continued to follow him down the stairs.

At the bottom the hall led forward. There were two doors. Behind one you could hear shouting which you assumed to house the ring. You pointed to the other door first. “If you need pictures, you’re going to want to get them of any other dogs being held here,” you explained. “Especially if you plan on turning this over to the police.”

Jongho took hold of the handle and slowly opened the door. Inside was exactly as you suspected. Stacks of crates housing all sorts of dogs of different breeds and sizes. It made your heart hurt, knowing what these poor animals were being used for.

Jongho snapped a few pictures of the crates before moving further into the room. You glanced around and then up, noticing the wall separating this room from the main room didn’t reach the ceiling. But you noticed something else. An opening in the floor above. You grabbed Jongho’s sleeve and nodded towards the ceiling.

He looked up and noticed the opening before looking back down at you.

“Good eye,” he whispered before ushering you towards the door and back up the stairs. Once upstairs, you watched him carefully make his way over to the opening, getting down to be closer to the edge. Once peering over, he snapped a few pictures of what you could only assume was the main event.

You urged him to hurry, glancing around and noticing that the door downstairs was open and you could hear footsteps. “Jongho!” You hissed. “Someone’s coming!”

Jongho scooted back before getting up and quickly making his way back, not caring if any of the floorboards squeaked as there was so much sound coming from below. “Come on!” he hissed, waving you over. You followed him back to the window you’d come in from, heart pounding as he helped you climb the table and boosted you up to the window.

Once you were through, he climbed through himself and jumped down from the boxes outside before helping you down. Without thinking, he took your hand and led you to the end of the alley, peering around the corner. The two men were no longer in sight.

Jongho took that opportunity to take off, dragging you down the street and back to the car. Once there, he tossed you the camera as you both got in and started the car before taking off and driving away from the warehouses.

The entire ride back, your heart was pounding as Jongho rambled on and on about the pictures and everything he managed to capture.

Soon, you were back at his building, heading up to the floor his office was on.

You followed Jongho inside, still silent as adrenaline continued to course through your body while Jongho removed his coat and headed for the stairs. “Come on,” he said excitedly.

You threw a glance at his desk before following him up the steps.

Inside his apartment, he walked over to a cabinet in the kitchen and pulled out two glasses. “I know I said I don’t drink,” he said as he bustled about. “And it’s true. At least not while I’m working,” he continued as he pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

“So,” you finally spoke up. “About that key.” Jongho turned to look at you, bottle of whiskey in hand. “The key?” He asked. You nodded. “That was the deal.”

He hesitated before setting the bottle of liquor down. “Well,” he started. “I was actually thinking,” he added. “We made such a good team tonight.”

Your chest tightened. ‘No. He’s not going to do this now.’

“Maybe we could work together?”

You shook your head. “I can’t,” you answered. “I know this seems real to you,” you replied. “But it’s not. I’m stuck inside a mystical library,” you continued. “I need the key to get free and return to my own life.”

Jongho looked down, a look of disappointment crossing his features.

“I don’t know,” he said softly as you walked over to where he stood, pulling yourself up to sit on the counter beside him. “I know we made a deal,” he continued. “But I’ve really enjoyed your company.”

Without answering him, you took one of the glasses and lifted it.

You were determined to get that key. One way or another.

“Tell you what,” you said, bringing the glass to your lips and taking a sip. “How about we play a game.” Jongho looked up at you, lifting his own glass. “A game?”

You nodded. “A game. If I win, I get the key,” you replied. Jongho contemplated for a moment. “And if I win?” he asked, fighting the urge to smirk. You rested the glass against your exposed thigh. “Well, what do you want?” you asked softly as Jongho closed the distance between you, pushing your knees apart as he set his glass down on the counter.

“What do I want?” he asked, looking up at you as you nodded. “Hmm,” he hummed, thinking as he looked around, eyes settling back on you.

“I want you to stay,” he answered, grabbing his glass and taking another sip, moving to put some distance between you.

You lifted your glass, downing the rest of your whiskey before setting the glass down and moving to undo the top few buttons of your blouse. Jongho’s breath caught in his throat as you slowly undid the buttons.

“What do you really want?” You asked again, trying to hide the smirk that threatened to form as his eyes went straight to your exposed collar.

It wasn’t the first time you’d seduced a man to get what you wanted and you were sure it wouldn’t be the last.

“Keep going,” Jongho whispered but you shook your head. “No,” you answered.

“You have to tell me what you want so we can play the game,” you replied. Jongho downed the rest of his drink, setting the glass on the counter and moved back between your spread legs, one hand moving to the small of your back, the other moving to the back of your neck and pulling you into a searing kiss.

You moaned against his lips, hands moving to grab the front of his shirt. You broke the kiss, giggling as he chased your lips with a frown. “You have to tell me what you want,” you repeated. “For the game.” Jongho pulled you down from the counter, turning you to face away.

“Fuck the game,” he murmured, lips brushing against your skin as his hands moved to finish unbuttoning your top. You moaned, pushing your backside against him, feeling his erection through his pants. He groaned in your ear as he finished unbuttoning your shirt. “Keep doing that,” he moaned.

You giggled, pushing back against him again as he rutted against you. “Shit,” he groaned, pulling your shirt down past your shoulders and discarding it on the floor. “Come here,” he rasped, turning you to face him and pulling you into another kiss.

You moaned into his mouth as his hands wandered, moving up to grope you over your black lace bra. “These need to come off,” he growled, hands moving down to mess with the button and zipper of your shorts. Your hands replaced his, undoing both quickly before pushing them down and letting them pool at your ankles.

Jongho turned you away again, pushing you over the counter with one hand while the other snuck between your thighs, feeling your wetness on his fingers. “Shit,” he groaned. “No panties and already so wet for me?”

You groaned as he pushed you down by the back of your neck, your cheek pressing against the cool countertop while his fingers worked against your clit from behind. “Doesn’t take much to get you goin’, does it, baby?”

You moaned as three of his fingers plunged into your aching cunt, the stinging quickly replaced with a burning desire. He didn’t let you adjust to the intrusion, instead moving his fingers in and out of you rapidly, trying to stretch you to take him.

A moment later, his fingers slipped out and you whined, pushing back against him as he chuckled. You heard the clink of his belt and the unzipping of his pants before he pushed them down just enough to pull his cock free.

Using your wetness on his fingers, Jongho gave his cock a couple strokes before aligning himself with your entrance. He gave no warning before pushing himself into you, eyes fluttering shut as your walls welcomed him. You groaned as he bottomed out, the hand on the back of your neck holding you in place as his other hand moved to your hip.

“Fucking hell, baby,” he gasped. “Are you not getting fucked properly?”

You whimpered as he pulled back, snapping his hips forward and driving the head of his cock against the gummy spot inside your walls. “You’re so damn tight.” Another moan slipped out as he set a steady pace, cock hitting all the right spots.

“Ah, shit,” you hissed, palms pressed against the flat surface of the kitchen island. “Don’t stop.” Jongho let out a huff as he shook his head. “Don’t plan to, doll.”

Your walls clenched around him at the pet name, making him chuckle. “Is that what does it for you?” He asked. “This whole time I’ve been calling you that, you’ve just been squeezing around nothing?”

You whimpered loudly, nodding as his hips continued their assault.

Jongho let out a groan. “Goddamn, you’d think after three sections, you wouldn’t be this fucking tight anymore.”

Your stomach lurched, trying to lift your head to look back at him but you couldn’t. His grip was too strong as he held you down against the counter. “What did you just say?” you gasped. Jongho growled, hips slamming into you from behind, the sound of his skin hitting yours filling the room.

“You’re such a slut, you know that, doll?”

You groaned, walls tightening again. “Letting four guardians fuck you? And you seem to enjoy it. Only sluts do that,” he continued.

You tried to respond but you couldn’t. You were left speechless.

How did he know about the others? There was no way he could know. Yet somehow so did Wooyoung. The Horror Section Guardian knew about Yunho, so why did you think Jongho would be any different?

“Collecting keys,” he murmured. “You really expect me to fall for that bullshit?”

His hips didn’t slow as he continued to fuck you from behind. “Aliens, spider creatures, and lords? Tell me doll,” he said, giving you a particularly harsh thrust and stilling deep inside you.

“How were they?”

The question caught you off guard. “W-what?”

“Hmm? How was that alien cock?” Your walls clenched as you remembered your encounter with Yunho, the tentacles exploring your uterus, his unbelievably long tongue filling your pussy and the huge knotted cock filling you with a ridiculous amount of cum.

“And how well did that spider creature bind you with his web before he pumped you full?” A shiver ran up your spine as you remembered the purple and indigo colors of Wooyoung’s thick cock and the way he tied your body so expertly with his webs.

“What about that feudal lord? Was he rough enough for you?” You let out a groan, remembering the way San pinned you to the table and had his way with you at dinner. The way he ate you out and then teased you with the tip of his cock before slamming it all into you and making it hard for you to walk after.

You pushed back against him, earning a growl, something you hadn’t heard from any of the other guardians before.

It was deep, animalistic and almost… demonic.

“How. Was. It?” He asked again, the same deep, growling voice that sounded completely unlike him as he punctuated each word with a hard thrust.

“Obviously it must be good if you keep coming back for more,” the deep demonic voice said. “J-Jongho,” you gasped only for the voice to chuckle darkly.

“Wrong answer, doll,” the voice said and your eyes snapped open, heart hammering as you pushed yourself up and turned to look back at Jongho who stared back with a peculiar look.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, stopping his movements and looking at you with concern. You quickly glanced around the flat, eyes scanning but saw nothing out of the ordinary. ‘What the hell was that?’

You felt Jongho’s hands on your shoulders soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head. “Sorry,” you said softly. “I… I must have spaced out.” Jongho leaned over your back. “Do you want to stop?” You shook your head. “No,” you answered. “Keep going, please.”

Despite the weird voice thing, nothing else of note happened for the rest of the night and Jongho seemed determined to set a record, giving you a total of 6 orgasms, something not even your long sessions with Yunho had done.

From the counter, you ended up in Jongho’s bed where he busied himself between your thighs for what felt like hours. After drawing a couple orgasms out of you with his tongue, he was back balls deep in you, one of your legs over his shoulder as his hips moved rhythmically, each thrust having you seeing stars.

“Fuck,” you groaned, back arching off the mattress. “M’gonna cum,” you gasped. “Let go, baby,” Jongho groaned. “Cum for me.”

Your walls convulsed around him as you came for the sixth time that night, Jongho following quickly as his thrusts grew more erratic, chasing his own high until he finally came with a low moan, cock twitching as he filled your pussy with spurts of white hot seed.

“Fuck,” he cursed, hips stilling as his cock twitched inside your warm walls. You panted heavily, trying to catch your breath as he pulled out of you and rolled onto his back beside you. “Where the hell do you get all that stamina from?” you asked, staring up at the ceiling. Jongho let out a breathless laugh.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he replied. “What was that, six orgasms?” Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. “You’re the one who gave them,” you retorted, turning your head to look at him. He gave you a smug smile. “Yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

Rolling your eyes, you turned away from him. “Okay Mr. High and Mighty,” you replied, sitting up and swinging your legs over the edge of the bed. “Where are you going?” Jongho asked, watching you. “Bathroom,” you replied, getting up, legs trembling slightly as you stood.

Jongho watched as you carefully made your way to the bathroom, no doubt feeling proud that he was the reason you were so wobbly and unstable.

After doing your business, you returned to find him passed out, sheet pulled up to his waist. As quietly as you could, you dressed and walked over to where his pants lay, picking them up and pulling the key to the desk from his pocket.

With one last look back at him, you headed for the door, opened the door and headed down the stairs to his office.

Once there, you hurried over to the desk, kneeling down to unlock the desk drawer and pulled it open. They cloth lay inside and inside that was the key. You grabbed it, pocketing it before shutting the drawer, standing up and leaving his key and a note on the desk, thanking him and apologizing.

With your prize in your pocket, you headed for the door, stopping to pull on and tie your boots before opening the door and slipping out, shutting it behind you and hurrying to the lift.

The return trip always seemed shorter than when you left and soon you were approaching the door leading back into the lobby where Seonghwa was waiting for you, sitting behind the desk with one leg crossed over the other. He watched with narrowed eyes as you approached, setting the key on the desk.

He stared up at you wordlessly before taking the key and placing it in the box.

“Did you have fun?” He asked, all amusement in his voice gone. You gulped at the tone and the look he gave you. “Define fun,” you replied, regretting it instantly as Seonghwa got up and rounded the desk in the blink of an eye, he pinned you against the desk. “You think this is a game?” He growled.

You shook your head, eyes wide with terror. The angelic appearance you’d grown accustomed to shifted for a brief period, allowing you to see some of the true creature beneath the facade.

And it was terrifying.

Realizing what he’d done, Seonghwa let go of you and took a step backwards. “There isn’t much time,” he said, looking at his hands before balling them into fists and looking at you. ‘Much time?’ You wondered. ‘Much time for what?’

Seonghwa turned to look at you.

“You have to hurry.”

[spectres-n-soap]

All The Things I've Said PT2 - Ghost x Reader x Soap

Content Warnings - Ghosts past, tragic backstory™️, pregnancy, implied protective Ghost

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N - 2/7 done.

Ghost has found that the times when you are gone from the flat while attending therapy is suffocating. He normally does not mind being alone or the silence that comes with it but after spending the last weeks with you, he finds that he hates it.

He tries to keep busy now instead of sitting around like a dog left at home while the owner goes shopping. Which is what he did the first few times you told him that you would text him when the session was over. He had wandered from the couch, to the dining room chairs and back to the couch so many times in just a few hours that he was sure he was going mad.

It wasn’t until the fourth day of this that something had clicked and he started this routine. You were heavily pregnant now and after the reveal that you’d likely have to get a c-section, he had picked up more chores around the house. He cleans the dishes, takes out the trash, makes your bed and does the laundry. He buys food for the house and keeps everything stocked. Ghost looks at the little sage green onesie in his hands and wonders if the baby will even fit. He saw the size of them, they were going to be a big and fat baby.

Ghost folds the onesie with a skill that had made his hands shake when he first did it. Joseph had been a very fat and happy baby. All smiles and giggles, only crying when hungry or having soiled his nappy. He had big blue eyes that Ghost can still recall with clarity but not without it being soiled with the memory of how those eyes looked when he was dead. Maybe that's why he couldn’t visit Johnny before he was cremated. His and Joseph’s eyes were so similar. He didn’t want the memory of two sets of blue eyes glazed over with the gray of death.

Ghost rubs the soft fabric of the beige pants that went with the white shirt he had just folded. It was soft, non irritating for a baby’s soft and delicate skin. His mind is drawn back to the past, back to when Beth had just finished her own baby shower and there were so many gifts.

Despite Ghost’s family being rather small, Beth’s was not. It had been refreshing and a little overwhelming to have so many people over. But his mum had enjoyed it, she had made so much food that despite the twenty people in that house there were still leftovers.

Beth rested her head against Tommy’s shoulder, tired from all the fuss and talking while Simon gathered up the trash. “You okay love?” Tommy asked softly and cupped Beth’s cheek. Beth smiled up at Simon’s brother and nodded.

“Jus’ tired. That’s all.” Beth yawned and Tommy smiled before he suggested she take a nap while he and Simon cleaned up. Beth didn’t need any convincing and with their mum’s help, waddled up the stairs to their bedroom. Simon kept putting things into the trash bag as Tommy gathered up the collection of blue onesies and outfits. Simon had never imagined Tommy being a father.

He had never envisioned either of them being fathers because of the shit job their father had done. And yet, here was Tommy. Married to a wonderfully kind woman with a baby on the way, clean from drugs and their father left to die from whatever cancers ate away at his body. Good fuckin’ riddiance thought Simon.

“You’re gonna be a good father.” Simon said, not exactly sure where that came from. Tommy smiled at him, brown eyes mirrored each other.

“And you’re gonna be a good uncle.” Tommy said as he folded up another blue onesie. “You’re already a good brother.” Simon shook his head but didn’t argue. He had told the military to fuck off, that he was going on leave to fix up the mess that was his family. He didn’t know how much longer he would be able to stay on hardship leave. Hopefully long enough to see baby Joseph.

“I’m doing what I’m meant to do.” Simon said with a shrug as he stuffed one last pile of ripped apart wrapping paper. “I came back for my family.”

“Thank you Simon.” Tommy placed a hand on Simon’s shoulder. “For making me get better.”

Simon shrugged off his hand, “I only threw the rope, you’re the one who had to climb.”

Ghost rewashes the baby bottles, not interested in the baby drinking from unwashed bottles. He watches the droplets slowly drip from the bottle as he sets them on the drying rack, he swallows as the memories claw up from the depths. He wishes they were happy still and not fucked up with blood and a type of grief that didn’t let go.

He looked down at the baby in his arms. All swaddled in a soft blue blanket with a blue boonie on his head. Baby Joseph. His face was still wrinkled and his eyes were shut, his mouth slightly open as he slept. There were feelings stirring deep within him that he had never felt before. There was this tiny life being held in his hands, hands that had killed and shot off guns that would surely ruin Joseph's hearing. And yet he was the only one holding him as Tommy doted on Beth after some skin to skin contact earlier.

Simon held his breath as Joseph blinked, his little blue eyes unfocused as he stared up at Simon. Joseph squinted and a small toothless smile appeared. “Hi Joseph.” Simon whispered as he looked down at his nephew and he felt tears appear in his eyes. “It's your uncle Simon.” Simon licked his dry lips as Joseph looked up at him, “I’ll protect you. I’ll protect your entire family. Promise.” Simon murmured, so quietly he almost didn’t hear himself say it.

Simon wipes at his eyes as the memory fades and leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He checks his phone just as your text message appears, “I’m ready to be picked up.” Simon wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans before he grabs his keys as he stuffs down the emotions those memories conjure. You are not Beth. Johnny was not Tommy. And he was not going to let anything happen to you or that baby.

[clemblog]

Caine’s Lesson - Part 6

•

Pomni had got a lengthy explanation from Ma about the deal with Croco Ranch. Gunmigoo, Max and Chad went out to get resources and find lost citizens who’d managed to escape the Fudge Monster. In the meantime, Ma worked on her own back at the ranch, getting people settled, assigning jobs and slowly building up a civilisation, a home which wasn’t centred around the eye of Caine.

Which was why she was currently getting settled in a little back room at the main barn on the ranch. It was where all the citizens, including Lou herself, were being housed for the time being.

Nobody really wanted to start construction on new buildings until they had a bigger numbers in residents.

There was a few rows of bunk beds, all with little knotted curtains which if Pomni had to guess, Ma had most likely made them so everyone could have some privacy if they needed it! They where pretty cute-

Pomni’s little section had curtains patterned with what looked to be waffles. Her pillow was white put soft, probably made from some kind of marshmallow based material in the world. The knitted blanket sat on the bed was in red and blue, perfectly sized for her.

She would readily admit that this place was so much more comfortable and welcoming than the circus could ever be.

She’d tuck herself into bed as the light in the barn dimmed, the sun setting alongside it. She went to sleep feeling safe, secure and with a small smile on her face. It was the best sleep she’d had in a long time.

It was a few hours later that she’d stir awake. She opened her eyes to hear the barn door be shut quietly and see Gummigoo step inside.

“Gummigoo..?”

“Oh, sorry Poms. Did we wake ya?”

“No- Y-You didn’t. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just swapping out with Chad on night watch.”

“O-Oh. I didn’t even realise you guys where doing that-“

“Figured it was the smart choice considering the fudge is still around.”

“Y-Yeah, it is smart-“

“I’m glad you think so, Ma said it’s one of my better ideas!”

“…Do you want company?”

“Only if you feel like you’ve got enough rest, Poms.”

“I-I don’t mind-

“Come join me on the beams then, Pommy~”

•

“Caine? Caineeeeee? Are you here? I wish to talk to you-“

“What is it Kinger?”

“Aaaaagh-! There you are. I wanted to talk to you about Ragatha-“

“Mm, what about her?”

“She.. isn’t doing well with the whole Pomni being gone thing-“

“So?”

“…I was hoping as our… helpful AI host, you might be able to help her-“

“Why would I want to do that? If Ragatha is struggling so much, Pomni will feel obligated to come back to us.”

“Well- Yes- But aren’t you worried about Ragatha you know-“

“If so, she’ll go to the pit with everyone else.”

“…Caine-“

“And someone else will help me make Pomni come back.”

“…”

“Kinger?”

“..You’re not the guy I once knew Caine-“

“…Oh. Well. People change Kinger.”

“…You’re not a person. You’re an AI and you where my best friend-“

“…”

“…The only reason I’m keeping my sanity, is for Ragatha. I hope you know that.”

“…Kinger-“

“If I she goes, I go. And that’s your fault.”

•

Ragatha was sat on the floor of her room, sniffling. All the worry and sadness was so overwhelming and she couldn’t figure out how to cope in the slightest- It was odd- She used to be so good at coping with her emotions- She could bottle it up for weeks at a type- But now nothing- She couldn’t stop herself from crying for an hour at most! Anytime she did, her thoughts just filled with worry of Pomni and what might’ve happened to her. And then she couldn’t help but sob.

The door to her room slowly pushed open, and the shuffle of a familiar figure stepped into the room. A pair of white gloved hands pulled her into his chest in a comforting manner.

“It’ll be okay Ragatha, I’m here.” Spoke Kinger, patting her back. “There, there.”

She sniffled at this, clinging onto his embrace like a life line. She already felt better. She felt safe and happier in the hold of her Da- Her friend. Her friend.

“I’m sure Pomni will be back soon, there there.”

“T-Thanks Kinger.”

“It is no problem! How about we go and see Zooble and Gangle?”

“A-Alright-“

The pair got up and began the walk to the main area of the circus.

“…What are we doing-“

Ragatha giggled.

“We’re going to see Zooble and Gangle.”

“Ah okay!”

•

“So, any clue what you’re thinking for breakfast in a few hours?” Hummed Gummigoo, wanting to make conversation.

“Oh- I’ll wait to see what everyone else eats before I do-“ Began Pomni.

“Hey.” Spoke Gummigoo, softly, taking her hand. “You don’t have to worry about us having enough food. We’re farmers, if there ain’t enough we’ll make enough.”

Pomni faulted at this with a shy snicker.

“U-Uh no- That’s not why-“ She mused, sheepishly. “Caine uh made it so I don’t need to eat- As the saviour- I can eat- Just it’s more for fun-“

Gummigoo hummed at this gently, watching her speak. “I see. Interesting~ I’ll still be making you a plate regardless. You shouldn’t be deprived one of the joys of life, just because you don’t need it to survive. Crikey, good food is heavenly Pommy, particularly Ma’s pie. I’ll have to see if she’ll make it anytime soon-“

“O-Oh alright.” Chuckled Pomni, Gummigoo was so silly and friendly- And she kinda adored that about him. She didn’t have to doubt for a second that he cared.

“Anywho, another thing.” He continued happily. “Me and lads saw your skills with Lou and wanted to ask if you wanted to head out with us tomorrow.”

“Oh- What for?”

“Just general hunting for supplies and citizens. We’ll try and avoid the fudge, but if we run into it, it ain’t gonna do no harm if we shoot some more bullets into it.”

“I-I can come! I just- don’t really know how to use a gun-“

“Oh alright, how about I teach you after breakie?”

“Y-You’d do that?”

“Course! We don’t want our saviour being unable to defend themselves.”

“A-alright then!”

“It’s a plan, Poms~”

Pomni knew she could be happy here.

Part 7

[tigreblvnc]

YOUR LIFE IN BLUE LOCK — @lumiambrose

BACKGROUND HEADCANONS;

♤ I imagine your mother tried to put you into many sports as a kid, always hoping that you’d outshine all the others.

♤ You didn’t care at all for any of them, doing the bare minimum so she wouldn’t harass you about it.

♤ At that point, you had become pretty decent at the majority of sports, it became pretty boring. It wasn’t like you were the only one half-assing the games, the other people playing were as useless as rocks that stood in your path. And the people that were actually good, were shallow two-dimensional people. You could never be entertained by them, let alone play a whole game together.

♤ It was like this that soccer became boring.

♤ Anri was the one who scouted you. She saw that you could be a top player if you put in more effort, or were put in the right environment…

♤ Admit it, the invitation was tempting. Not only would you get to meet people who played with their life on the line, there was also the equivalent of a cash prize, you would be paid well. + even if you did lose, it’s not like you were missing out on much. You weren’t intending on playing for the national team in the first place

♤ So, you accepted.

COLOR AURA;

♤ A light, icy blue.

♤ ex.#69ebff (not exactly, but similar)

♤ Not to be mixed up with baby blue, or pastel.

♤ A colder colour for sure. Clear and concise. You can look at it an go “Yes. That’s an icy blue.”

♤ Not a very basic or shallow colour. It has a good amount of depth and can be put basically anywhere if used well.

♤ Its not a very stubborn colour, it has a mix of all 3 additives, but isn’t so light that it’s very susceptible to change.

♤ It’s a completely different vibe from the other blues (dark royal, pastel/baby, ocean, navy, etc.) even though they are all branches of blue.

♤ Infact, icy blue gives closer vibes to some cyans.

♤ It isn’t necessarily very similar to its roots.

♤ No one will look past an icy blue, they’ll take note of it, but probably won’t see it as anything bright or attention grabbing off the bat. Unlike some other colours. Icy blue isn’t meant to be ignored though, put it in the correct environment and it’ll work perfectly.

♤ Obviouslly, there'll be some places where it wouldn't work at all, and some places where it'd still look not bad. But there is a place where it'd fit right in and shine like a gem.

♤ Breaking down the actual colour, (in this case we’ll use the hexcode #69ebff, but any icy blue im sure will work as well)

♤ The RGB values are 105, 235, 255. So, although I’d categorize it as a blue, it has 235 points of green. That’s only 20 less than the blue.

♤ By this i mean, icy blue has already changed from the colour it’s generalized into, where it came from.

♤ I’d say icy blue could be categorized within its own branch in the blues and teals. It’s specific, for sure.

TEAM SELECTION;

♤ Manshine City.

♤ Quote Reo, “it smells like money”

♤ What better reason do you need?

♤ That and your best friend (see section: “Best Friend”) is there as well

♤ Chris seemed self centred and busy enough, surely he wouldn’t even notice if you decided to kick back and relax…

♤ WRONG.

♤ Somehow you got put on to the starting lineup (Nagi dragged you into this- look at him not me)

♤ You get paid a good amount (as one of the main strategists on MS) and a valuable player for sure. Even if Chris didn’t need you, at this point if you had joined another team he’d be in danger…

♤ And your perceptiveness and adaptability is a great strength, since manshine is one of the more flexible teams.

♤ They also have skilled players, meaning whatever ideas and plans you come up with a good majority are possible

♤ Since Manshine has it’s core members, the rest of the responsibility is pretty well split.

♤ You want to see people react? I’d say Chris thinks the same way. Wanting to bring the opps to their knees, to truly humiliate them is a common goal across the whole team.

♤ Manshine may not be the most logistical team, but they certainly don’t lack logistics.

♤ You don’t need to improve your analytical skills too much anyway, so in Manshine those already developed skills will be used/shown/spotlighted more.

♤ Your off time would be fun too. Manshine gets along well off the field (unlike SOME teams), as long as you look past Reo and Nagi’s weekly breakups.

♤ Disappointed sass from chigiri, Reo in general, Nagi completely unbothered on his phone, there’s always someone you could spend time with (if you wish to do so).

♤ You get a lot of money outside of soccer too, Chris seems to always have sponsorships and brand offerings if you’re ever interested in modelling (he will get very excited. This may or may not be a good thing.) or just extra cash, there seems to always be a way.

♤ overall, your skills would be put to best use in Manshine. A reasonable team that will consider your advice well.

BEST FRIEND;

✦ … What a reunion we have here?

✦ If Reo is the ideal boyfriend for handling cases like yours… Nagi is your male twin.

✦ 🙂

✦ I think things moved very quickly between you two, considering you were probably the ones who arranged to put in the least effort possible. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t succeed; quite the opposite.

✦ My philosophy is that lazy people are some of the best at getting the most done with the least amount of time.

✦ That is to say, they will put in a lot of resources to work as little as possible. This might seem paradoxical, yet…

✦ People look at you with disdain in the worst case; misunderstanding in the best. You are UFOs, and you don’t care.

✦ I think one of your primary goals at Blue Lock was to get your phone back so you could binge on games together. And that annoyed Reo quite a bit. In fact, it irritated everyone who was there to play seriously.

✦ In other words: everyone.

✦ It’s hard to tell you two apart; you look so much alike!

✦ The less you do, the better off you are. And since you’re not the type to move naturally, it takes a lot to get you onto the field.

✦ Or worse: to get you out of bed.

✦ Wish Reo good luck.

RIVAL;

✦ Lord, this matchup jumped out at me so much. I think nothing annoys Barou more than those who got where they are by chance. Worse: by accident.

✦ There are relationships based on hatred; it’s like that, visible in the face, in the aura. Barou has never liked many people, but let’s just say he’s rarely hated someone as much as you.

✦ Nagi, first.

✦ And then you.

✦ He doesn’t understand what you’re doing here. Or even how you got here.

✦ It’s a bit like a fire that never ignites because the wood is too wet, you know? Even his rage and opposition—I don’t think it really affects you.

✦ But I like to see Barou a bit like the parent who knows how to yell at his kid to push them to get their act together and finally do something with their life.

✦ Something that matters, perhaps.

✦ Outside of money, I mean.

✦ Maybe one day, when they finally take away your bed, you’ll feel the urge to take the game seriously. To have that sneaky temperament that loves to steal the ball and run faster than anyone. Deep down, you’re capable of it, but you’re too lazy.

✦ Oooh, I can hear him growling from here…

✦ Hurry, get out of here, Lumi!

POSITION ON THE FIELD;

✦ Defender.

✦ Not that you’re the ones who sleep; quite the opposite, without you, the team is doomed. But let’s say you aren’t meant to be the ones who take the most risks, and rightly so: your primary goal is to ensure the ball never goes into the net.

✦ And I think it’s something you’re very good at, even if you don’t seem to move much on the field. Something tells me your eyesight is good for spotting weaknesses, the moments when things are about to blow, and that you can tell when an opposing player is coming with the threat of a goal.

✦ My little Lumi. It’s time to wake up and show Barou that you’re worth something and stop him from scoring.

✦ Nagi is also watching you from the other end of the field. He’s positioned as a forward, but deep down, you’re together.

✦ Reo is in midfield, and there’s something a bit funny about seeing him running up and down the field between you and Nagi.

✦ In the end, you’re a balanced team because each occupies a complementary position to the other.

✦ But you’re just too lazy.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | OCTOBER '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[iheartmomochi]

MOMOCHI CD + CHARACTER ANALYSIS

DISCLAIMER

Everything I say is based on my interpretation of Momochi’s actions, words, and overall character. You are free to disagree with me/have a different interpretation of his character. And if you do, I would love to hear how your interpretation differs from mine! I would also like to say there may be certain character nuances I don’t pick up on because I am not Japanese nor do I know Japanese. But please feel free to point out anything I may have missed! 

I structured this in a way where I first summarize the events of each CD and then analyze how Momochi acts within the context of that specific CD. And then, in the end, I analyze his character by taking what happens in every CD into account! I did this just so things would make sense chronologically and to slowly introduce key points of his character as they were revealed. For the most part, I focused on the main CDs, but there are also references to the tokutens (bonus CDs) and songs. I did my best to only summarize the relevant parts of his CDs but a good portion of this is summarizing since I did find it extremely important to do so. This is also why I included “CD analysis” in the title of this post.

There are some direct quotes here. I credit the translator at the beginning of each section and link back to the original translation page when I quote. There are CDs that I personally commissioned to be translated and those have not been posted publicly, so when I quote those I will instead link back to the account of the translator. And while I did reach out and look at FAQs to make sure quoting was okay, if you translated any of his CDs and are uncomfortable with me directly taking quotes, please tell me and I will remove them!

CONTENT WARNING

This analysis discusses abuse (verbal, physical, emotional), childhood abuse, codependency, domestic violence, love bombing, manipulation, and suicide.  

OPENING 

From the very first minute of the first CD, Momochi is presented as a two-faced character. To fans, the Veronica members, the other vocalists, and anyone he interacts with, he puts up the front of being a friendly, cheerful, and agreeable person. He makes it seem like he cares and that he is genuinely a good person. It is only with Kano that he fully lets the real him appear. Behind all the fan service and fake smiles, Momochi is a cynical person. He gets annoyed and upset easily, mainly regarding Kano. He is extremely possessive of her and has no problem punishing her for so much as looking at another man or not answering his phone calls quickly enough.

All of that makes it very difficult to sympathize with Momochi, but as the series has progressed, it has become clear that there is a reason why Momochi puts on a fake persona and that he is more than just a generic sadistic drama CD character. 

SEASON 1: DEAR VOCALIST 

Translations quoted in this section were made by Ilinox on Twitter/Yumemirusekai on WordPress (main CD/songs), Currytantou on Twitter/Wordpress (animate tokuten), and Ryuukia on Tumblr (stellaworth short story). 

Compared to the later CDs, this CD has very little in terms of an overarching plot. That could be because when Dear Vocalist was first started, Rejet may not have planned on creating seven more CDs, but I honestly think it’s because of the nature of Momochi as a person. From the beginning of this CD, it is made clear that Momochi does not struggle at all with singing or any part of the music process (a point that is continuously brought up in future CDs). The only time Momochi even mentions struggling with music is in Track 4 “A Special Reward,” when he calls Kano and says he can’t sing the way he wants to and that he feels like it’s the end. But when she shows up, he’s not struggling at all and when questioned he says he did the recording in one take as usual. Although he does say he also wasn’t lying about feeling like he was finished. 

Something else that is made clear in this first CD is how little tolerance Momochi has for Kano interacting with his band members. After all, track 3 “His True Face” starts with him accusing Kano of being a slut, forcing her to apologize for having fun while talking to the other members, and having her say “From now on, I won’t talk to any men except for you and I’ll always be with you, Momochi.” Throughout all the drama tracks, he does his very best to minimize the interactions Kano has with the other members of Veronica. He goes as far as to lie to the members so that he stays behind and gets to talk to Kano in private, away from everyone else. 

Manipulation is a prevalent theme throughout this CD. This is best shown in the 4th track, “A Special Reward.” As stated before, Momochi calls Kano and says he feels like it’s the end, but when she shows up, he says the recording was done in one take as always. One of the first things Momochi says when she arrives is, “You were quite slow in coming.” This comment makes it clear that Momochi wanted her to come as quickly and in his mind pretending to be troubled was the best way to ensure she would be there fast. When Kano tries to leave after realizing Momochi is fine, Momochi stops her saying she’s not allowed to leave without his permission, and then asks her “Are you not happy to see me today?” This is quite literally textbook manipulation, more specifically love bombing. He demands Kano’s attention and when she doesn’t immediately want to give him it, he guilts her by making it seem like she might be unhappy to see him and then uses her reply to prove to her that she actually wants to do what Momochi tells her. The rest of the drama track is Momochi explaining that he just wants to love her all day as he proceeds to kiss and bite her. His intense affection is used as a way to keep her attention and ultimately keep her where he wants her. Even when he bites her finger and causes her pain, he frames it in a way that makes it seem like it’s okay because it’s in the name of love and if she rejects it then she is rejecting his love. Although it should be noted that Kano is constantly referred to as a masochist by Momochi, and she does actually seem to enjoy the pain, there is still a distinction that must be made between Momochi randomly hurting Kano and her asking to be hurt.

Moving away from the main CD, the animate tokuten “O•U•CHI,” CD shows just how extreme Momochi can be. The premise of the CD is that Momochi calls Kano to come over to clean and feed him since he doesn’t have the energy to do it after coming back from being on tour. The first half of the CD is normal until Momochi gets annoyed that Kano is more focused on the laundry than watching a DVD with him (paying attention to him). Instead of letting her finish drying his clothes, he embraces her and starts kissing her. Just like in “A Special Reward,” Momochi guilts Kano by telling her “Don’t you feel lonely after not meeting me for a while? (…) I wanted to touch you, because I missed you.” He once again makes her feel like rejecting his affection means she is rejecting his love. When Kano is relieved that none of the neighbors, specifically the old man next door, didn’t hear them, Momochi decides to punish her (presumably because it meant she wasn’t giving him her full attention while he was kissing her) by holding her against his balcony, on the 12th floor.  It’s made clear that Momochi enjoys seeing her scared since he even says she looks adorable and that if he lets go, she’ll fall and die. He goes on to say that he wouldn’t mind committing lovers suicide with her. He follows this up by saying he was just joking and that if she died, he would“no longer [be able] to play with [her]” but that he would consider it if she ever betrays him. His reasoning for this is that it would be better for them to die together than for her just to leave him because he cannot imagine hating her. This shows just how obsessed Momochi is with Kano, after all, people in healthy relationships don’t seriously talk about committing lovers suicide. In his mind, it would genuinely be easier and better for them to die together than for them to be apart. Momochi cannot see his life without her in it. The CD ends with Momochi telling Kano not to leave him and that all she needs to do is “fill [herself] with nothing else but [him]” and to keep loving him, and he’ll do the same back “for as long as [she] needs [him].” His choice of words stands out here because it shows that despite everything he does, he truly does love Kano, and it’s for that reason that even if she did abandon him, he still cannot see himself hating her. It also shows just how codependent he is with her. He needs her to stay with him to keep living. I would also like to point out how Momochi bringing all of this up is also manipulation, since he is using the idea of suicide and killing her as a way to make sure that she will not leave his side. I do have more to say on this specific CD, but I will leave it for the end as there is crucial information that has to be said first for my point to be fully understood. 

I would like to touch on the “Stellaworth Short Story.” Unlike the CDs, this is from Momochi’s point of view. This is the first and really only instance where the audience is given an insight into how Momochi thinks. In this short story, Kano wins tickets to go to a theme park in Tokyo and invites Momochi with her. From the very first paragraph, Momochi’s narration makes it clear that he had very little interest in attending the theme park since he had already gone before, and he just found the entire thing annoying. As they are making their way to the entrance gate of the theme park, Momochi notices that Kano is not behind him but instead stuck in a crowd because the heels she is wearing make it difficult to keep up with him. Momochi criticizes her shoe choice and says that he’s going home since there is no way she’ll be able to last the entire trip wearing those heels. As he walks away, Kano chases after him, crying, and when Momochi turns back to look at her again, he notices that she has taken off her shoes and is now walking barefoot. In his narration, Momochi notes that seeing her this way irritates him but if she hadn’t caught up to him, he would be even more upset. He even thinks to himself, “You should always be unsightly like this. Rather, if you weren't so clumsy and so desperate for me, I'd be troubled.” The way Momochi acts in the CDs makes it clear that he feels insecure and worries that Kano will leave him for someone else, but here Momochi outright admits that he feels more secure in their relationship when she acts desperate. And it’s because when she acts that way it is made clear to him that she wants to be with him, and she will not abandon him. Just like in the “O•U•CHI” tokuten, it is once again shown just how much Momochi does not want Kano to leave him. After seeing her barefoot, Momochi decides it’s better for them to just go home and, while trying to get a taxi, he sees her bare feet again and thinks, “I suddenly remembered that fairy-tale about those glass slippers that appeared magically (…) Though I think I know why...... I will never treat you like a princess.”  The term “princess treatment,” is used to describe when someone's partner is very attentive when it comes to their wants and needs, and they do their best to treat their partner with love and shower them with attention. The fact that Momochi comments that he will never treat Kano like a princess means he is unwilling to give her extra attention and care and will not treat her gently. Something which is made very clear in this short story. A boyfriend who treats his girlfriend like a princess would have been more sympathetic and probably have bought his girlfriend new shoes so that they could walk around comfortably. Interestingly, Momochi knows why he would never treat her so gently and kindly. In my head, this has two separate meanings. The first is that Momochi is quite literally unable to be that kind due to his childhood and how that shaped his personality (more on this later) and the second is because he knows that there is no point in treating Kano that way. Despite the way he treated her in this short story and as a whole, she still willingly chose to chase after him. 

I am not at all good at analyzing songs, especially Momochi's songs but I can’t not talk about the songs from this season. There are a few different ways “Awauta” can be interpreted and for the purpose of this, I’ll talk about it as it relates to Momochi’s mom. The lyrics talk about a prostitute in the red light district who misses a man (most likely a one-night stand) and searches for his warmth through the other people she is sleeping with. Was Momochi’s mom a prostitute? Well, that’s up for interpretation. But what I do think this song is saying is that Momochi was born out of wedlock and that while his mom did fall in love with his dad, his dad ended up leaving both of them. And just like in the song, Momochi’s mom went out and tried to “search” for his dad through other people (again whether or not she actually was a prostitute is something I can’t say with 100% certainty). And there’s no good segue way for me to make my next point but “Awauta” is also about how Momochi’s mom committed suicide. It’s never explicitly said in the song but when you look at the lyrics, the word “bathtub” is used; “If the flickering love is stained bright in the boat” (it’s translated as “boat” here but it does also translate to bathtub), you get the imagery of someone’s blood filling a bathtub. Momochi's mom cut herself and bled out to death in a bathtub. Not just that but when you look at the other song in this season, “Zennokan”, it’s very obviously about someone’s death and how that affects the narrator; the song is about how the death of Momochi’s mom affected him. His mom committing suicide also just makes the most sense logically when you look at how Momochi acts throughout this season. It’s obvious he was never able to properly process the death of his mom and as a result of that he is possessive and is desperately afraid of being abandoned by his girlfriend. He does not want to experience being abandoned again and is doing everything he can possibly do to prevent that. And it only gets worse as the series goes on.

SEASON 2: RIOT 

The translation quoted in this section was made by Yumegasaki on Tumblr/Yukihito on Mikorin.net (main CD). 

In the third track, “ 粉々,” Momochi accuses Kano of cheating on him for not answering his phone calls. She tries explaining that she was on the train so she had no signal but Momochi retorts by saying she should’ve taken a taxi and that he knows that she was actually cheating on him. This then causes him to remind her what will happen if she cheats on him; he’ll kill her. From the first five minutes of this track, it is already clear that Momochi’s possessiveness and jealousy have increased since the first season. He vocalizes his distrust for her being faithful so much more here. Even after she apologizes for something that is out of her control, Momochi takes her phone and justifies it by saying, “I’m going to check whether you’re lying. If there’s nothing suspicious, then you won’t have a problem with it, will you?” Unlike in the last season where his jealousy only appeared when they were around other people, here Momochi takes it a step further by getting upset at her for having someone other than him in his call history, even if it was for something important (a call to the gas company). He ends up breaking her phone and tells her not to buy a new phone without his permission. He follows this up by saying he will not trust what she says anymore and that she should stay in his house if she wants to regain his trust and she isn’t allowed to leave until he says she can. And since she no longer has a phone he’ll be calling the house phone and makes her promise that she will answer within the first two rings. Just like in the first CD, Momochi guilts and manipulates Kano into doing what he wants under the guise of love, but it’s more extreme here. Momochi fears that she will cheat on him and leave him, so the only way to ensure that will not happen is to not even let her leave his house. 

The fourth track, “Scar,”  takes place in Momochi’s house. He comes home from work and asks Kano how she spent the day in his house. After taking a shower together with her, he gets mad when she tries drying the laundry, since earlier in the track he had told her to just leave it, so he ends up locking her outside. She ends up crying and apologizing to Momochi, which finally he doesn’t accept but he does let her back inside. The next day comes around and the members keep calling Momochi about practice and he berates the members by calling them third musicians who were only chosen because they are good-looking. Kano tries to defend them, which makes Momochi upset since as his girlfriend she’s not supposed to side with his band members. He then asks her to hand him the ashtray and some of the ashes end up spilling on her as Momcohi snatches it out of her hand. But he blames this happening on her being too slow. He goes on to say that everything is her fault and that he’s upset because “I thought you’d be the one who was always on my side.” After saying this Momochi asks Kano to leave, “I don’t care about you anymore. Why don’t you cheat on me or something? Didn’t you hear me? I’m telling you to get out. Or should I kick you out?” It’s so obvious how much he wants someone to completely be on his side, for once in his life. He thought Kano would be that person…. but she wasn’t. Throughout this CD, Momochi had been very clear that the worst thing Kano could do was cheat on/betray him. It was for that very reason that he had gotten upset in the third track and had Kano stay in his house in the first place. So when he says she should just cheat on him since he doesn’t care anymore, it shows just how hurt Momochi feels. It goes beyond her defending his band members for wanting to practice, it’s the sheer fact that she even defended someone who wasn’t him. In his mind that is betrayal. And to him, it was probably a sign that she would eventually abandon him. His own insecurity and fear of abandonment are so strong that he can’t take a disagreement in opinion for what it is but instead, his mind takes it to the worst possible scenario. 

The last track, “Special Charm,” opens with Momochi trying to record the vocals for Mr.BlackBlack but unlike usual, he is not able to record the vocals for the song in one take. This makes him frustrated and he says that it’s because of her. He ends up going to where she lives, while it’s raining, and tells her that it’s his fault that he can’t sing and that ever since she left he hasn’t been able to think of anything else. He goes on to say, “It’s all your fault! Because you weren’t by my side! You said you loved me, didn’t you? Were you lying? Then why didn’t you stay with me? Why did you leave me alone? That’s not important. You would have come back if you really cared about me.” The way he says these words is so heartbreaking because you can just tell how much he truly does love Kano and that he really does want her to stay by his side. He is still blaming her for things that aren’t her fault at all but unlike all the other times, here it is obvious that Momochi is also mad at himself. After all, he is the one who told her to leave in the first place, he pushed her away. It was his not being able to sing perfectly like he always had in the past that made him realize just how much he needed her by his side and that she had a larger impact on his life than he initially thought. After hearing Momochi say this, Kano apologizes for leaving but Momochi says that he can’t forgive her because she didn’t uphold the promise to him and the only way he will forgive her is if she goes back to his side. He then reminds her that he will kill her if she ever tries to leave him and that she only belongs to him. He follows this up by commenting on her disheveled appearance from the rain and stress, “I won’t forgive you if you let anyone else see you like this. I’m the only one who can love someone like you. It’ll be impossible for you to live without me. Isn’t that right?” This is where it becomes very apparent that Momochi is projecting how he feels onto his girlfriend. He says these things but he’s really just talking about himself. No sane person would be able to stay in a relationship with him, he is hard to love because he has a difficult personality (putting it very mildly). And deep down he knows that and that Kano is the only person who can love someone like him. His appearance is also a mess here, he’s also out in the rain, crying, just like Kano is. So that comment about her appearance is also how he feels. He doesn’t want anyone but her to see him in this weak and pathetic state. It also shows that Kano is the only person who can make Momochi this way. At the end of the track he buys Kano a new phone and tells her that since he bought it, the only number that should be saved is his. He notices the scar left by the cigarette ash that fell on her and says that he feels bad it happened “to a woman” but that it shouldn’t bother her too much because he’ll love her even if she ends up with scars and other injuries all over her body, so what other people think of the scar is irrelevant. But this is only if she continues to stay by his side. The way Momochi talks about her scar really shows how he views their relationship. He wants Kano to always take his side and take the pain he gives her, and in return, he will do the same. He doesn’t really care about her physical imperfections as long as she is his. In that aspect, Momochi shows that his way of loving, while it is extreme and selfish, has nothing to do with superficial things but is entirely based on who Kano is as a person. But he is quite selfish in the way he tells Kano that she should only care about his opinion. After all, why should she even care what others think when Momochi is the one loving her? The sentiment is sweet and selfish at the same time. And while I don’t necessarily think Momochi is projecting onto her in this specific instance, I do think his words also apply to the way Kano sees Momochi. She really doesn’t care what other people who aren’t Momochi think of her and as the series goes on, that just becomes more and more apparent. 

Initially, I was going to write that there was a big difference in the way Momochi acts in the first CD compared to this CD, and while that statement by itself is somewhat true. If you were just to listen to the first CD and then listen to this one then it might feel like there is this huge jump. After all, Momochi seems so much more affectionate in that CD, than he does here. But it’s just like what I wrote at the very beginning of this, the first CD has little overarching plot and is more so just a collection of 3 different interactions that are very loosely connected. But this CD is so much more plot-heavy, there is an actual conflict, so naturally we don’t get 3 tracks of just Momochi expressing how much he wants to kiss Kano and tease her. The more accurate statement to make is that there really isn’t that big of a difference in the way Momochi acts here than he did last season. When you look at all of the content of season 1, mainly the Stellaworth short story, it’s obvious that Momochi is acting nearly the exact same way. This CD just expands on what Kano and Momochi’s relationship really looks like. Riot Momochi is still just as manipulative and possessive as Dear Vocalist Momochi. If anything, he is more manipulative and possessive in this CD. 

SEASON 3: WIRED 

The translation quoted in this section was made by Currytantou on Twitter/WordPress (main CD). 

The third track, “Under The Mask,” is really the first time up until this point that we are given an insight into how Veronica really functions as a group. With Kano. Momochi has not at all hidden the fact that he finds the members annoying and that he dislikes having to practice and just spend time with them in general. But he has always hidden how he really felt when he was around the members and put on the act of liking them and that he is really putting his all into practice. Even here when he returns to finish recording, after he had finished punishing Kano for something, he starts by apologizing to the members for being gone so long. But here is the first instance where Momochi finally voices how he really feels about the members. Very telling how the thing that made him drop his fake personality was when the members bring up Kano and Momochi takes it as them saying they don’t like it when he brings her to the Veronica recording and practice sessions. To Momochi it probably felt like they were attacking his girlfriend. Her being there while he records makes him feel at ease and we saw in Riot that Momochi really does need her by his side for him to perform well and above all that, he just likes having her by his side. While the members do clarify that their frustration does not really lie with Kano being there but more so the fact that Momochi doesn’t focus on the music as much as he should. This is what makes Momochi finally express how he really feels about them. And he really does not hold back in insulting them. It’s obvious that the members aren’t actually untalented but that compared to himself, Momochi thinks they are untalented. After all, he can record the vocals for the song perfectly and he is the one solely working on the songs and never once in any of the CDs has Momochi ever expressed that he thinks making music is hard or that he even struggles with it at all. So it makes sense why Momochi thinks so highly of himself and why he sees the members as third-rate musicians. 

Momochi does project onto Kano again at the end of this track when he blames the fight he had with the members on her for doing something “unnecessary,” which is just his way of saying “If you hadn’t gone out to buy those drinks, I wouldn’t have had to punish you and the members wouldn’t have been looking for me and the fight would have never happened.” Instead of acknowledging the fact that he didn’t have to punish her in the first place, he just chooses to blame everything on her because he refuses to see the flaw in his own way of thinking and acting. Because clearly to him not punishing her for what she did was not an option, she isn’t allowed to leave his side, especially after what happened in Riot, therefore the fight that broke out is solely on her. The fact that he initially tells her to leave but then quickly changes his mind and says he’ll leave instead shows just how distrustful Momochi is becoming of letting her go out on her own (something that only gets worse as the series goes on).

While talking to Kano at the end of Track 1, “Under the Mask,” Momochi says that Veronica was made by him and that Panda should just let him become a solo singer. This specific comment is so interesting. It just begs the question “Why did he even start a band to begin with?”  It isn’t like he was ever an easy person to work with, since the original Veronica broke up because they didn’t want to work with him anymore. And Momochi is the type of person who doesn’t do things he really does not want to do, so I’m just curious as to why he even agreed to be in a band. I know it could be a thing of “a job is a job” but that really isn’t Momochi at all… He is the type of person who doesn’t do things he really does not want to. He could have easily just left Climax Records the moment staff told him they would be adding new members to Veronica. And with his skills, it wouldn’t at all have been difficult to find a new company to hire him and that would let him debut as a solo singer. But the answer to that question becomes obvious in the second track, “Lonely Singer.” 

Kano goes to the bar where Momochi is to tell him that the band members came to his apartment. Momochi says that it’s too late for them to try and fix things between them, but that it seemed like they all realized they needed him. Kano tries telling Momochi that he should apologize to them and that he also did something wrong. This only makes Momochi upset, and he calls her a “traitor” and goes on to say that he did nothing wrong. And that every opportunity Veronica has been given, and every song has been because of him. He says that he is all that he needs. To prove it to Kano, Momochi goes on stage and sings. Afterwards, when everyone is cheering, he goes back to Kano and tells her that everyone is reacting this way because of his voice, because of him. So he really doesn’t need anyone else and that starting a band in the first place was a mistake, something he’s known for a long time. After telling Kano to leave since her presence is doing nothing but annoying him, he quietly says to himself, “It’s better if those people are out of my sight. I can do just fine on my own. And yet, why does it feel so dull every day?” 

The fact that Momochi can admit his life feels boring without his members is so telling of how he really feels about his band members. In the last track, “夢幻泡影,” he says it’s just because he could easily replace people like them and, since they realized that they need him, they’re better than the old Veronica members and will be easier to work with now. But Momochi never really says what he actually means. He isn’t being completely honest when he says that he’s just keeping them around until he gets bored of them/no longer feels he needs them. After all, in both of the previous tracks, he was insistent on the fact that he COULD do everything on his own and that it would actually be easier if he did. It’s obvious that he does enjoy or at least finds their presence interesting. Of course, that doesn’t mean he likes the idea of becoming close with them and telling them details of his life, but he does want to have them around. At the very least, he would enjoy their company more than the company of the other vocalists. But I do think he’s being truthful when he says that he thinks these members are better than the old members. Music is one of the only things Momochi has and the way he talks about himself in relation to music makes that very clear. So the fact that the current members acknowledged that Momochi’s music skills are the things that are important means a lot to Momochi. 

Despite the members now knowing what Momochi thinks of them and what his real personality is, when Momochi goes back to the office to meet with the members, he still keeps putting on the fake personality from before. He does not have to do that considering the members still want to keep working with him after everything he said so they obviously aren’t bothered by his real personality. But the fact that he does just shows how unwilling he is to let people know the real him. 

After explaining how he could throw away the Veronica members at any time, he tells Kano he can do the same with her. And that he would abandon her the moment he thinks he no longer needs her, “Despite that, I won’t change. I will return to who I was before I met you and I will do anything as I please. Since I only believe in myself.”  This is where there is a shift in how Momochi acts towards Kano. Throughout the previous CDs, Momochi made it obvious that he doesn’t want Kano to leave his side, he needs her by his side. But here he says that he’ll be completely fine and will just go back to the person he was before he met her. This change in attitude could be attributed to two things. The first and most obvious one is the fact that this CD has a different writer than the previous CDs, so whoever was writing had a different idea for where Momochi’s character would go moving forward. The second is that this is his way of reacting to the events of this CD and of Riot. Momochi was genuinely hurt by the fact that Kano said the argument he had with his members was his fault. It just added to the betrayal he felt in Riot when she also sided with his band members. Momochi is the type of person to not let go of things easily, so it makes sense why he would tell Kano he would be fine without her. His lingering feelings of betrayal would also explain the second part. The way she’s acted, to him, has made it seem like she does not believe in him one hundred percent. He’s the only person he has. He’s the only person he’s ever had completely on his side. Of course, as the audience, we know that is not true at all. Kano has shown time and time again that she is on Momochi’s side. Even in this track, she shows that by waiting for him in the cold in clothes that are not at all suited for the weather, and the fact that she kept trying to get him to go back to Veronica. And while a lot of the time Momochi’s words don’t reflect what he actually thinks, in this instance, he is being completely honest. He genuinely does believe he is the only person who believes in himself. He goes on to say that if she doesn’t want to be abandoned, then she should do what he says, no matter what. At the end of the track, he says, “ Don’t you want to keep seeing this inescapable dream until death? Both you and I.” His words here go against what he was saying earlier. He says he would just abandon her whenever he didn’t want her around anymore and that his life without her would be the same. But that just isn’t true. As much as Kano does not want to be abandoned by him, Momochi equally does not want to abandon her. The fact that he refers to their relationship as an “inescapable dream,” pairs so well with the name of this final track (transient dream). Their relationship is a dream for two reasons; for the first time, Momochi and even Kano have someone who is focused on them, but like a dream, their relationship could end at any moment because of either of them. But it’s also inescapable because both of them are doing everything they can to not let go of the other/be abandoned by the other. On Kano’s end, that means doing what Momochi says, no matter how absurd. And for Momochi that means going to extreme lengths to keep her by his side, like not even letting Kano look at other people or even step foot outside his apartment. 

SEASON 4: XTREME 

No direct quotes were taken in this section. 

While Wired marked the beginning of a shift in the way Momochi treats Kano, Xtreme is where that shift continues and is fully solidified. The very start of the first track, “因縁生起,” shows the development of their relationship after the promise made at the end of Wired. Momochi gets upset that Kano bought a mug through delivery. While she didn’t interact with the delivery person, she had to step outside the apartment to get the package from the mailbox; she went outside the apartment without Momochi’s permission and broke her promise to him. His reaction to finding this out is also nothing short of extreme since he not only breaks the mug but also takes the new shoes Kano had bought and throws them out the window. Momochi has always been pretty unreasonable with the promises he has had Kano make with him, but it’s clear here that he is now more controlling than he was in the past 3 CDs.  Up until this point, Kano was pretty much able to come and go from his apartment as she wanted, but now she literally cannot step foot outside his apartment without his permission.

The main conflict of this CD arises at the end of the first track. After Momochi is done meeting with a female celebrity who is a fan of Veronica and wants to sponsor their next concert, she nearly falls down while they are parting ways and Momochi helps her. Momochi is called to the agency in the next track, “Contrary,” and he’s told that pictures of this happening were taken that make it look like he is romantically involved with her. When Momochi goes home he notices that Kano is acting strangely and, after some prying, she tells him that she saw the story of him and that woman on the TV. She even asks him if it’s real. Momochi tells her it’s obviously fake and gets mad that she had doubted him. Even after she tries apologizing, Momochi keeps telling her to get out and that he doesn’t need her anymore because she had already lied to him in the first track, and she betrayed him by not trusting him. So he kicks her out of his apartment, breaking up with her. The way Momochi acts here is so hypocritical. After all, it isn't like she’s ever broken up with him when she’s been accused of cheating before. But his hypocrisy stems from the fact that, more than anything, he does not want to be abandoned by her. It’s been shown time and time again in the previous CDs that his biggest worry is her leaving him. He’s insecure and deep down he recognizes the flaws in his own personality, and he’s definitely aware that she could find someone better than him. It’s for that reason that he doesn’t like it when she talks to anyone who isn’t him or so much as makes eye contact with another man. And while Kano didn’t even accuse him of cheating, the mere fact that she even wondered if the photo was real or not was enough for Momochi to feel like she betrayed him. And before she can actually abandon him, he decides to do it first by breaking up with her. It’s a protective measure to spare himself from having to actually go through the experience of being abandoned by the person he loves. But whether he truly realizes it or not, Kano has cemented herself as an important person in his life; the most important person in his life. It’s for that reason that even if he was able to sing perfectly fine without her, unlike in Riot, he still went through an entire pack of cigarettes in the one day he was not with her, and he kept thinking of her. 

This CD highlights his main struggles; he does not want to be abandoned but at the same time he is just a distrustful person. While Kano is the one person Momochi shows his true personality to, which shows that he does trust her, he still struggles with fully having faith in her out of his fear of abandonment. And he just has a difficult time expressing his true feelings when it comes to these situations. It’s why even after she apologizes for questioning the validity of the photo, he chooses to break up with her instead of forgiving her. It’s also why when he does take her back, instead of telling her that he loves her back, he instead says he hates her and that he is essentially only getting back together with her because she will not leave him alone and this way she will not cause trouble for someone else. Of course, it’s obvious that he’s lying when he says this because his voice is shaking and he is basically crying but he still tries convincing her and even himself that this is why he’s taking her back. It’s difficult for him to say the words “I forgive you,” because he really did feel betrayed and abandoned by her. But even if he does not explicitly say those words, it is also obvious that he does forgive her, after all, he would not take her back if he didn’t. And I think even someone as distrustful as him was able to take Kano staying outside his apartment the entire night, even as it rained, as a sign that she does truly love him and wants to be by his side. But despite her continued efforts to show Momochi she loves him and will not abandon him, Momochi’s fear of abandonment does not subside. And that’s exactly shown at the end of the CD when he decides to buy her shoes that are a size too small and with a heel that is hard for her to walk in. This way she wouldn’t be physically capable of walking on her own and doing something he deems “unnecessary.” 

I actually have more to say on Xtreme but it has less to do with analyzing Momochi and more to do with me looking at the relationship he has with Kano and why I love the Cinderella motif going on this CD. If you are interested in reading that you can check out this post and this post.

SEASON 5: EVOLVE 

The translation for this CD was made by Risukadarlin on Tumblr, but no quotes were taken from the CD translation. All the lyrics quoted in this can be found on the Dearvo wiki page.

Evolve takes place during the Obon holiday. Momochi is asked by one of his members in the third track, “Helix,” if he will be going home to visit his parents during the holiday. Momochi kind of dodges the question by not giving a yes or no answer. Then the topic of his name and its ties to ninjas is brought up, to which Momochi says that he doesn’t really know if he is related to ninjas but that his parents run a kimono shop. When he’s alone his reaction to the question about visiting his parents is a scoff and that everyone else seems so carefree. Momochi obviously has a complicated relationship with his parents considering he isn’t going to visit his parents for Obon. Even the way he answers the question about his ties to ninjas shows that Momochi isn’t close to his parents and that he isn’t really interested in learning about his family. He found the question more ridiculous than anything. And it’s obvious he’s also never bothered looking into whether he actually is related to ninjas or even asked his parents about it. 

When Momochi returns home, he asks Kano if she’s going to visit her parents and if they care that she spends all her time in Momochi’s apartment. She answers no and Momochi brings up how if he left her, then she would have no one, especially since she also doesn’t have any friends. When Kano says she’s fine not having any friends, Momochi reminds her that he doesn’t love her nor does he want her by his side. He goes on to ask her if she feels loved when she’s with him and if she even understands what love really is since she’s never been loved before. While this entire interaction does show how sad the circumstances of Kano’s life are, it also echoes Momochi’s own life. It’s not like he has any friends and his family doesn’t seem to care about him either, if they did they would’ve called him about going home for Obon. Kano is also the only person he has. While Kano’s desperate attempts to always please Momochi are indicative of the fact that she probably has never experienced being loved, the way Momochi acts in their relationship also shows that he’s never experienced being loved before. Most people who were shown love while growing up would not act so possessive towards their partner and be so afraid of abandonment. 

In the following track, “Isolated,” Momochi receives a call from someone. His reaction to seeing the number is shock that this person even has his number. When he answers the call he even comments on how this person never calls him. When Momochi goes home he tells Kano to not leave while he’s out tomorrow. He explains to her that his father died and that he’s going to go to the funeral, but only so that people don’t get on him for not going. (Meaning that the phone call he received was from one of his family members.) Kano asks if he is okay and Momochi is confused by the question, asking her if it seems like he’s sad. He tells her he understands what she’s trying to say with his question, but that he is nothing like her. He was not abandoned by his family and he couldn’t wait to no longer be in contact with his family. He says that if she ever tells him something like that again he will kick her out of his apartment. The way he reacts to the news that his father is dead or rather his lack of reaction, shows that Momochi dislikes his father. But not just his father, he dislikes his entire family. However, the way he reacts to Kano’s question shows that he is not as unaffected by the death of his father as he wants to seem like he is. If he truly felt nothing over it, then he would not have reacted almost defensively about his emotions and the relationship he has with his family. Kano most likely was not trying to imply that Momochi was abandoned by his family, Momochi was the one who saw it that way, because he was the one who felt abandoned by them. It’s not a lie that he does not like his family and that he was the one who cut off ties with them but the situation is not as cut dry as he wants to admit. Momochi has always struggled with being vulnerable and open with his emotions, not just to Kano but to himself as well and this is really just a perfect example of that. Momochi does not want to admit to himself that, even though he dislikes his father, learning about his death is making him feel something other than indifference. 

In “Helix,” Momochi gives Kano a cartilage piercing because she wants to match him. In “Padma” when Momochi returns from the funeral he gives Kano earrings for her piercing, an earring that looks like a red lotus flower. He then brings up his new song, “Guren Shinjuu,” asking her if she knows what “guren” means (crimson-colored lotus). He compares the color red to flames. He also brings up another meaning of the word “guren,” a cold place; Padma hell. He tells her that if she agrees to go to Padma hell when she dies then can stay by his side. She agrees and Momochi calls her out saying she’s not strong enough to actually go through that. But despite her lying, he tells her that he doesn’t hate the way she is acting right now and that he will continue to stay with her until she changes. 

The way Momochi treats Kano in this CD follows up with the ending of Xtreme. He keeps on reminding her throughout this CD that he doesn't love her. It’s still a lie, but the fact that he keeps it up even now just shows that what happened in Xtreme, really did alter the way he goes about their relationship. It might seem contradictory that someone who is so afraid of being abandoned by their partner keeps telling their partner that they don’t love them since saying something like that would likely just increase the chances of him being left. No sane person would stay in a relationship with someone who says that they don’t love them after all. But his claims of not loving her are more due to the fact that he does not want to be left vulnerable again. He’s saying he doesn’t love her more so for himself and to prepare himself for the possibility of her abandoning him. Her abandoning him will hurt less if he doesn’t love her. This may also seem contradictory, but the way Momochi acts is also a way to keep Kano from abandoning him. It’s made obvious in this CD that she doesn't have anyone other than Momochi and because he’s always telling Kano he doesn’t love her but is still letting her stay by his side, it makes it seem like Momochi is doing her a favor. It’s why she acts so desperate to please him, Momochi even says it himself, she has to work hard to not be abandoned by him. Momochi is essentially praying on the fact that he knows Kano has no one but him and to stop her from abandoning him, he just convinces her that she would have nothing without him, especially because he is the only person who can tolerate someone like her. And a large part of her lack of friends is because Momochi does not let her leave his apartment without his permission, he doesn’t even like it when she looks at other people. He is quite literally isolating her and making sure she only has him. 

In the bonus track, Momochi goes and visits a grave. While there he says that it’s a shame he, his father, is dead now because he wanted his father to see him become more famous and successful. But they (the person he is visiting) should be happy because of his father’s death. Momochi then says that he is never coming back to this grave and that he has not forgiven them for abandoning him. Instead, it’s his turn to abandon them. Although never explicitly stated, it’s pretty obvious he is visiting the grave of his mother. And what he says here makes it pretty clear that Momochi’s abandonment issues are because his mother abandoned him (a more canon confirmation than just the lyrics of the songs of season 1). It does put more things about Momochi’s childhood into perspective. Momochi’s father never believed his music career would be successful, and he probably wanted Momochi to do something else with his life. Based on that, I assume that since Momochi was young he and his father never really saw eye to eye much, the music thing was probably just the nail in the coffin for Momochi when it came to fully disliking his father. This part also pains me because of the implication of what Momochi says to his mom. He’s been visiting her grave for probably years, telling her what’s happening despite feeling like she had abandoned him and resenting her for that. And it’s only now that he is done visiting her grave. Partially because his father is now dead but mainly because he has someone else in his life now; Kano. Of course, Momochi does not directly say he’s leaving his mom for his girlfriend but it is heavily implied in the way that the first thing Momochi does after leaving the grave is call Kano. He does not want to hold onto the pain his mom caused him, he’s ready to move on with his life. Kano is not a replacement for his mom but she is now the most important person to Momochi. (This is also hinted at in “Guren Shinjuu” but just like with “Awauta” that song can be interrupted a few different ways and again I’m not good at analyzing songs so I’m just going to leave that as that. And “Guren Shinjuu” is the answer to “Awauta” according to IwaD.)

SEASON 6: RAVING BEATS 

The translation quoted in this section was made by Currytantou on Twitter/WordPress (bonus CD). 

There is not much to say about the main CD but I would like to discuss the Skit Dolce tokuten for this season; After the live. I have written a post about this specific CD in the past. I did write it almost an entire year ago so naturally some of the things I say there I don’t entirely agree with anymore/have a different perspective on what happens. 

As the title suggests, this CD is about what happens after Veronica’s live. A party is thrown to celebrate the release of “Makoto no Ai” and the concert. All of Veronica’s members are there along with the staff. Momochi gets upset from the very beginning because he wanted Kano to go home before the party began but she ended up in the room where the party was being thrown. To avoid having her be seen by the Veronica members, Momochi has her hide under one of the tables. Of course, as soon as they get home Momochi lets his anger out on her. She tried explaining how she ended up there; a staff member confused her as a part of the staff and she didn’t correct them because Momochi told her not to talk to anyone. Of course, this just makes Momochi more upset and he ends up throwing the champagne bottle he had previously dumped all over her saying she should leave and just do whatever she wants. He goes on about the fact that all she does is upset him but he brought her to the concert anyway because she begged to go. This entire time she clings to him so that he won’t leave and apologizes to him several times. In the end, decides to let her stay. 

On the surface, this just seems like another tokuten where Momochi gets mad for no reason and while it definitely is that, the fact that he lists out qualities of each Veronica member is one of the two things that sticks out about this CD. Right before throwing the champagne bottle, he says, “Are you trying to ogle the members and cozy up with them? Who are you targeting? Ama with the best look? Or is it Ohgi who always tries to sympathize with everything? Ah, I knew it. It’s gotta be Yamato who would pay attention to you. Or perhaps Shizuru who is the most loaded.” This season was when all the band members were given names, character designs, and profiles so the fact that he says this here is probably the writer’s way of giving the members a cameo. But I think this is also a way to show just how insecure he is. It’s been long established by Momochi himself that all the members are attractive and that’s always been part of the reason why he sees them as third-rate musicians; he assumes they were picked for being attractive and not their skill level. But it’s also why he is so adamant about not letting Kano even be seen by them, he’s afraid that she’ll leave him and pick one of them because she might find them more attractive than he is. And this new information about what the members are like just adds to the fear Momochi has. Momochi is not blind to all the good qualities that Ohgi, Ama, Yamato, and Shizuru have and he is aware that in comparison to him, Kano might see their qualities as better. After all, he is not super rich, a model, or all that sympathetic, half of the time he just says he doesn't like Kano and only gives her good attention when he thinks she deserves it. He has practically zero good qualities. The only good thing about Momochi is the fact that he’s musically gifted (and even then back in xtreme he told Kano he doesn’t even need her when it comes to his singing so that isn’t really much to offer in a relationship). And because deep down he knows all of this instead of trying to improve himself or trying to listen to Kano’s explanation he just jumps to the conclusion that she’s trying to cheat on him and gets upset. 

In the past, his initial response to Kano upsetting him would be to physically hurt her but that is not the case here. He throws the champagne bottle in anger but he doesn’t throw it at her. She only ends up bleeding because Momochi accidentally pushed her too hard when he was trying to get her to let go of him and she ended up landing on the glass shards. This is probably the one instance where Momochi accidentally hurts Kano and feels bad about it. Unlike in season 2 when he accidentally spilled the ashes on her but says she deserved it for making him angry (although whether or not this actually was an accident is debatable). When he realizes what he did his reaction makes it clear that he does feel bad about it. He even seems surprised and concerned when Kano says she doesn’t care that she’s bleeding, he points out that if she leaves it like that she’ll just end up hurting herself more. As he keeps talking it even sounds like he’s about to cry because of everything she says. It’s really an oddly sweet moment. For once, Momochi shows positive character growth, or as positive as it can be for someone like him. He does enjoy seeing her in pain but only when he is the reason for that pain. (He literally says that at the end of the CD.)

He does decide not to kick her out in the end but that’s only because he feels reassured by the fact that she looks and is acting extremely desperate as she is trying to get him to forgive her; she’s clinging onto him while crying, drenched in champagne and bleeding from the cuts on her feet. Even if he didn’t mean for her to start bleeding, the fact that she ignored that and kept trying to get Momochi to forgive her was something he couldn’t ignore. Kano already knows that he likes it when she acts desperate for him but she probably thinks it’s because Momochi just likes seeing her be humiliated and it partially is that but also because it helps him feel less insecure. He only feels secure in their relationship when he sees her this way because to him actions are more important than words. Sure someone can repeatedly tell him that they will not leave him but he can’t believe it until he sees that person do things to show that those words are true.

SEASON 7: UNLIMITED

The translation quoted in this section was made by Currytantou on Twitter/WordPress (main CD; Momochi side). 

In the second track of the Momochi side, “Quiet Water,” after going out to buy more cigarettes Momochi comes home to Kano lying in the bathtub. This freaks him out because he thinks Kano is dead. When he realizes she just fell asleep he gets upset at her, saying, “Are you aware of what you’re doing? And here I thought you ended up like that person-” He tells her that he feels sick and that she should sleep on the couch and leave him alone. While taking a shower he says to himself, “It’s so stupid to lose composure over that, after all this time. Something is wrong with me, really.” He’s talking about his mom here. This is pretty much a confirmation that she did die in a bathtub. Amazing how they set it up in the first season and it all came together in season 7. It’s not just that seeing Kano that way reminded him of seeing his dead mom but the fact that he was worried he had now lost another person he loved in the same way he lost his mom. In “Pieces” the second track of the Veronica side Momochi says he started living with his dad in the middle of elementary school and that was when he took on the surname, “Momochi.” This means that up until that point, he had been living solely with his mom and that he was probably around 9 years old when his mom killed herself. It makes sense that someone who lost a parent when they were so young still would not be completely over it when they are only 22 but Momochi desperately wants to be over her death. He does not want to continue to feel hurt by someone who abandoned him.  

Throughout the CD there is a butterfly that follows Momochi. He thinks he sees it right before he sees Kano sleeping in the bathtub and makes the comment that he thought he was seeing that butterfly again. And then he actually does see a black butterfly in the last track, “胡蝶之夢” (Butterfly’s dream) when he’s smoking on the balcony. He tells Kano that black butterflies represent the spirits of the dead. When Kano goes back inside he starts talking to the butterfly, “Are you perhaps jealous? Unlike you, I am acknowledged through my songs. Or is it her? I told you, right? I’m not going to you anymore. Because I’ve decided to stop singing about you. Stop following me.” The butterfly is the spirit of his dead mom. Everything he says here is a follow-up to the bonus track of Evolve when he last visited her grave and told her he would no longer come back. But it’s only here that Momochi tells her that he will no longer be writing songs about her. It’s his way of saying he is now completely turning his back on her and moving on from her. There is an implication here that his mom was also a singer and that her music career never went anywhere. This also matches up with how Momochi denies the fact that his parents were involved in the music industry in “Pieces” the second track of the Veronica side when Shizuru asks him about it. But he does say that he’s had a musical influence from the people around him so becoming a singer just happened naturally because of that. So his mom most likely wanted to be a singer but it never ended up happening, whether or not it had anything to do with Momochi's birth is up for interpretation, but she definitely told Momochi about wanting to be a singer and probably sang around him. Of course, he could always just be lying to Shizuru about his parents being involved in the music industry but that does not really change much because even if he was lying, his mom’s career still led to nothing. If anything, Momochi has probably seen himself as an extension of his mother’s failed career. In an attempt to feel closer to her after her death, he subconsciously started getting more involved with music and when he actually did become a singer, he wrote songs about her. It’s the reverse of parents who use their children to live out the life they never had, Momochi was using his life to live out his mom’s dream. But not anymore. He’s done doing all of that and is instead choosing to write songs about other things; Kano. 

Momochi also tells the butterfly, “Next time, do your best so you won’t be abandoned by that person. Oh, but then again, I suppose there is no “next time” for people who die by themselves.” His words are harsh and also reveal that although his mom died when he was living with her, she still died by herself. This could mean that she chose to commit suicide when he was at school so she literally died alone but it’s more likely that he means she died having no one by her side. Momochi obviously loved his mom when he was a child so it’s not that she died with no love but that she died alone because she never accepted that love or reciprocated it. However, this line could also mean there is literally no “next time” for people who kill themselves. As for who “that person” is, it’s his dad. Honestly, if Momochi was referring to himself, he wouldn’t have been so vague so the only other option is that he is talking about his father. Momochi was most likely born out of wedlock (remember when I wrote that all the way back in the section for season 1) so it would make sense that his dad abandoned his mom most likely after he learned that she was pregnant and she just had to deal with it all on her own. 

After saying all of that to the butterfly Momochi goes back inside and tells Kano, “Hey, did you mention Japanese food just now?” This line probably seems completely irrelevant to anything but it is such a small thing that the scenario writer included that I love. Momochi specifically uses the word “osechi,” which is traditional Japanese food and it’s commonly eaten on New Year’s Day and the word itself originally refers to a significant period. The reason why it’s mentioned right after Momochi finished talking to the butterfly, his mom, is to show that Momochi is entering a new period in his life, one where he is no longer chained by everything that happened in his childhood. It just further emphasizes everything he said to the butterfly.

As for Momochi’s interactions with Kano this season, it pretty much follows up the dynamic they had in Evolve. There are three instances in this CD that stand out. The first is when she fell asleep in the bathtub which I already talked about. The second is that Momochi tells Kano that he will write a song about her. It’s the first time Momochi has ever told Kano that he is writing a song about her. A development in their relationship, especially with everything Momochi said to his mom at the end. While talking about the song in the second track, Momochi says, “Magic, huh? That makes me a wizard? Hehe. I see. Then I gotta show everyone a lovely dream. But has it ever crossed your mind? What happens if one day the spell breaks and you wake up from your dream? Just so you know, that doesn’t bother me at all. I mean, I’m a wizard. I can cast a new spell, and I can even freely break it.” I love this entire exchange. It feels like a nice follow-up to the whole Cinderella motif in Xtreme (he does actually reference Cinderella again in this CD), and to the fact that his last CD was titled “Makato no Ai” or “Magical Love.” It is a very good metaphor to represent their relationship especially as it stands now. I do have a lot to say on that but it really has less to do with me analyzing Momochi and more to do with me picking apart the relationship he has with Kano. And the last thing that stands out is the conversation he has with Kano when they see the sun setting. He asks her what the color of it reminds her of and she says the earring he gave her in Evolve, the red lotus ones. He then has her repeat what he said when he gave them to her. The way the original conversation went in Evolve left the feeling that Momochi does not really associate the color red with good things since he literally compared it to fire and hell. And it makes sense when you consider the fact that he most likely saw the blood that was oozing out of his dead mom. Seeing something like that would naturally change the way he sees the color red. But here Kano associates it with something good, with him. Just like how he is no longer writing songs for his mom, Momochi can slowly start to change the way he sees things that were tainted by the death of his mom. That’s why he has Kano say what he told her when he first gave her them. It just goes to show the way his relationship with Kano is helping him move past his mom. 

SEASON 8: HEADLINER 

The translation quoted in this section was made by Currytantou on Twitter/WordPress (main CD; Momochi side). 

Headliner is a difficult CD to talk about in this because it feels sort of OOC and I don’t really like the reveal made in this CD but since it’s now canon, I am forced to mention it here. I’ve been summarizing the important events of all the past CDs and since I’ve already made a summarizing post in the past about headliner, to save myself some time I will just be copy-pasting it here.  

In the first track of the Veronica side, “光芒一閃,” Momochi gets a phone call in the middle of practice and goes to take it. When he’s done with the phone call he tells all of the members and staff that Veronica is over and he is never going to sing again. Then when Momochi goes home that same day, at the end of track three of disc one, “Days” Kano brings up Momochi’s birthday because of the profile update for Veronica. Momochi tells her that September 20 is the birthday of “Momochi from Veronica,” not him. Kano keeps talking about the birth date and he gets upset because it seems like she cares more about Veronica and “Momochi from Veronica” than him. So he has her say his actual birthday and when she does he tells her, "That’s right! That date is the birthdate of me, who is now standing in front of you! Veronica’s Momochi is not me. I’m not putting on that mask anymore. The new song that you’re looking forward to is not coming anymore. Wait and yearn as much as you want but Momochi from Veronica no longer exists in this world! I am just me. Veronica..? It’s the end."  

In track four, “長雨,” Kano wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to the balcony and sees Momochi crying. Momochi denies that he’s crying and says it’s just the rain. But he explains that he’s out there because he had a bad dream. This was a dream he used to have every day when he was younger, and he hadn’t gotten it in years, so he thought it was finally over. But it continues to haunt him even now. It’s then revealed that Momochi has a younger (half) brother who was spoiled by his family. Here it’s also revealed that Kano and Momochi lived near each other, so she must be aware that his younger brother was spoiled. Momochi makes it clear here that he hates his younger brother, and he doesn’t really understand why his younger brother is so attached to him and looks up to him when Momochi was just randomly introduced one day as his older brother. His younger brother started a band in their hometown, and he told Momochi about it. Momochi comments that to him, music is suffocating, but his younger brother sees it as some kind of joke. Momochi tells Kano that he’ll quit music because he would rather die than do the same thing his brother does. He also tells Kano that his brother, Veronica, and even her are just his way of killing time. Kano tells Momochi to sing. He refuses, so instead, she starts singing. He calls her singing bad and tells her to stop and then he sings instead. When he’s done singing, he says that he’ll keep doing music and stay in Veronica, but just until he finds something more pleasing than singing. He then grabs Kano and holds her against the railing of the balcony. He tells her she has to stay by his side and to keep listening to his singing as a way of holding herself responsible.

In track five,  “Winding Road,” while at a restaurant with Kano, the table next to them is celebrating a birthday, which annoys Momochi since he hates his birthday and just wants to forget it. Then, as a reward for being good, Momochi decides to tell Kano what his dream was. He tells her that he used to dream of it every day in high school, and it was him as a child sitting alone in the corner of a mold-smelling room, hugging his knees and waiting for his mom to come back on his birthday. That was the entire dream and Momochi hates it because it is just a reminder of the promise his mom made. She promised him that she would celebrate his birthday, but she never did, despite him being her only son and only family. He kept believing that promise year after year, even though it never came true until she finally just disappeared for good. He then reveals that the day his mom left him is the same as Kano's birthday. Kano says that his profile is just full of lies then. But Momochi says that it isn’t because Momochi’s Veronica did start on September 20th and that he hates the fake act he puts on, which is why his profile says the thing he dislikes is himself. Momochi feels like Kano is pitying him for living this way, but he tells her that it was his decision to put on the mask of being a good person and that he’s living in the moment. And that he’ll keep on living doing whatever he wants. 

I actually have less to say in terms of analysis compared to every other season just because this CD feels extremely straightforward and again I don’t really like this CD. I almost want to pretend it is its own separate canon. But this CD gives more information as to what Momochi’s life was like growing up. His mom neglected him his entire life, and despite that Momochi still held onto the promise that she made until she died. And when she did die he finally realized that she never really cared about him and that realization just affected him deeply to the point where he had a recurring nightmare about his mom not keeping the promise she made. What he says about his arrival into his younger brother’s life basically confirms that he was born out of wedlock. It is also the first time that Momochi directly comments on how he is two-faced. This and his comment on how he feels about music are really the only part worth analyzing but I’m not going to do that in this section but instead the next section since it ties into larger points about his character I want to make. 

OVERALL CHARACTER ANALYSIS 

In Headliner, Momochi himself says he doesn’t even know what his mom was doing when she never showed up on his birthday. So, to answer the question I asked in the season 1 section, I do not think his mom was actually a prostitute. And since Momochi only lived with his mother at first, I do not think he ever witnessed her be abused by his father (because he was off with his own separate family) or abused in general. Instead his abusive behavior and behavior in general is caused by the fact that Momochi has a disorganized attachment style (also referred to as fearful-avoidant).

People who have disorganized attachment styles, “have contradictory intentions regarding close relationships, wanting commitment and closeness while simultaneously downplaying the importance of intimacy.” This is the result of their upbringing. Disorganized attachment styles can be caused by several different things but as it applies to Momochi, it is caused by two things. The first is that his mom left him for long periods of time. Momochi confirmed in season 8 that she would leave him for long periods of time and he was used to it so she clearly never spent that much time with him as a child or infant. The second cause is her being emotionally withdrawn from him. When she was there with Momochi I highly doubt she consistently interacted with him the way a proper mother would, especially when he was an infant. Based on the promise she made with him it seems like she would at times give him the attention and care a child needs and then just act coldly towards him (when she was there that is). Essentially, Momochi has this attachment style because he was abused (neglected) by his mother and when she was around, she was inconsistent with her behavior towards him. I think she acted this way because she never wanted Momochi. But unlike his father, his mom wasn’t just able to fully abandon her child so instead she opted for interacting with him as little as possible. Had she never gotten pregnant maybe she would still be with Momochi’s father and maybe her singing career would have gone somewhere. This isn’t to say she completely hated him, because if she did she would have never bothered even promising that she would be there for his birthday next year. But their relationship was clearly complicated. While Momochi longed for his mother, despite how neglectful she was, she longed for the life she had before he was born, the life she could have had. 

The fact that she later committed suicide when Momochi was so young left him emotionally stunted and Momochi was never able to properly process the death of his mother. And it only made his avoidant and anxious behaviors in relationships worse. While his mom neglected him, she was still the only family he had ever had up until that point. No one else was there to console him about his mom’s suicide so he probably blamed himself for it first happening but as he grew up his feelings towards the entire situation turned into resentment over the fact that she was able to abandon her only son so easily. And the life he had with his father was not that much of an improvement. While Momochi’s younger brother accepted him, his father clearly did not and he probably only took him in because he felt like he had to. His father would spoil his younger brother and saw him as his true son, Momochi was just the bastard child that was now living with them. Seeing the better treatment his younger brother received only made Momochi hate his father and younger brother. He had no one to actually call his family growing up. 

Momochi says in Headliner that he hates himself for pretending to be someone he isn’t but he still does it anyways. He can recognize the fact that hiding behind a fake personality will prevent anyone from ever forming a real connection to him which is something he hates but also finds comfort in. This, of course, is because he has a disorganized attachment style. The only person he’s allowed to see the real him is Kano. But even their relationship is filled with Momochi’s anxious and avoidant behaviors. An article on disorganized attachment in adulthood states, “Their fear of attachment figures encourages contradictory and confused behavior. They seek to approach the partner in times of distress, but these approaches may be interrupted or incomplete, appearing to be chaotic or incoherent, because their fear of the partner may simultaneously cause apprehension and a desire to distance themselves.” Not that Momochi is literally afraid of Kano but the fear he feels is a result of how he was raised by his mom. At times he showers Kano with love but it can quickly change into him telling her that he doesn't love her. He also shows an aversion to being vulnerable around her. Whenever she asks him if he is alright, he quickly distances himself from her and tells her not to ask any questions or make assumptions about what he is feeling. He is generally distrustful of people and because of that, he is quick to accuse Kano of cheating. He just assumes that he will be rejected by her (and others) so he anticipates it. And because he anticipates it, he does everything he can to prevent himself from being hurt by it. Whether that be by creating distance between himself and Kano (and everyone in general) or preventing Kano from interacting with anyone who is not him. The only way he feels secure in his relationship with Kano is by being in control at all times and watching her desperately try to stay with him.

Momochi also has self-esteem issues. He saw his mom’s neglect as a sign that there was something wrong with him. And that was only heightened when he moved in with his father since his father also did not like him. That’s another reason why he developed a fake personality. If he pretends to be nice and cheerful then people are more likely to like him, even if he hates himself. His low self-esteem also plays into why he is so controlling with Kano and it goes hand-in-hand with his attachment style. All of this also plays into why he is so codependent with Knao. He fuels her insecurities so that she’ll stay with him because just like her, he is afraid of being abandoned. His smoking addiction is also a result of his childhood abuse. It is his way of coping with the circumstances of his life.  

The way Momchi acts could also be linked to him potentially having borderline personality disorder.  According to Mayo Clinic, symptoms of bpd include “a strong fear of abandonment, a pattern of unstable, intense relationships. impulsive and risky behavior, and ongoing feelings of emptiness.” Risk factors for bpd include neglect during childhood and losing a parent during childhood. All of this is applicable to Momochi. I would like to emphasize here that I am not a psychologist nor do I have bpd so I don’t feel like I’m not the best person to go more in-depth into this specific topic. 

In Headliner, Momochi says, “Music suffocates me the more serious I get about it, and there’s nothing fun about it.” If he feels this way why does he keep making music? Music is the one thing that Momochi is good at, he is even referred to as a music prodigy. He clings to it because it’s the only thing he has going for him and music allows him to feel better about himself. Through his music, he finally gets recognition from others that he never received from either of his parents. Music was likely the only thing that made Momochi feel close to his mom and after her death, he took it upon himself to continue keeping his mom alive through his music. But this is exactly why he finds it so suffocating. He hates his mom but for so long he chose to make songs about her and his career started because of her. And even after Unlimited when he told her that he would no longer make songs about her, music is still suffocating, It’s an outlet for him to finally let out all the emotions he’d held in about her and his entire life, but coming to those realizations about how he feels is painful for him. Music just serves as another reminder of the mother that never loved him and the unfortunate life he’s had. Music is the cage Momochi willingly puts himself into. But he says himself that until he finds something more interesting, he will keep making music. And it’s also because of Kano that he chooses to continue to make music in Headliner. He almost can’t completely make music solely for himself but he needs a reason to keep doing it. 

OTHER

Nearly all of Momochi’s CDs were written by Hidekatsu Miyoshi. The credits for Season 1 say “Hidekatsu Miyoshi (PolkaDot)”, Season 2 “Polkadot” and then Seasons 5 - 6 “Hidekatsu Miyoshi (Rejet)” and then Season 7 just says “Hidekatsu Miyoshi.” So the only CDs not written by them are Wired and Headliner. It is honestly extremely noticeable that both Wired and Headliner are not written by them. I briefly mentioned it before and I’m only pointing out who wrote the CDs here again because it is an important factor in Momochi’s character. 

In Wired the change in scenario writer works out well because the way Rejet had that CD play out didn’t feel like too much of a big character shift and I actually really enjoy the direction Wired had Momochi’s character go in. But the same cannot be said for Headliner. That CD just feels strange to me and it feels like there are two different versions of Momochi; Momochi and Headliner Momochi. 

Take that information as you will in regard to how you want to interpret Momochi’s character.

CONCLUSION

I felt compelled to write all of this so that I could finally let out all the thoughts I’ve had about this freak over the past two years. 

How can I call myself his number-one fan if I don’t write a proper analysis about him? I’m not sure if this is obvious from my username and entire account layout but I Love Momochi So Much. In all honesty, as the series has gone on I can’t say he’s gotten all that much better, he’s actually gotten worse in my opinion. But that’s more than okay with me, I love him for who he is. 

All jokes aside, it took me a little over two months to write this (started in September). That might seem like a short amount of time and that’s because I’m insane and practically spent any spare time I could working on this. It was mentally taxing on my brain and at some points, it felt like I was just writing one huge nothing-burger but I am very happy I was able to finish this. I love analyzing my favorite, Momochi especially. And like I said in the intro, you do not have to agree with everything I wrote here but I do just hope my opinions were able to offer a better understanding of his character/provide a new perspective. 

Thank you Rejet for creating this freak of a character that has taken over my mind like a parasite. Thank you to Tosshi for voicing Momochi despite him being like This. And thank you to everyone who took the time to read all of this.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for triggering someone’s epilepsy (unknowingly)?

So I’m (19F) in this relatively small Discord server for a fandom. We occasionally get new members but there’s always been a “core” group of 7 of us who started it originally. We’re pretty close and consider each other genuine online friends, and we all admin the server.

A couple weeks ago, a new member (?M) who I’ll call K joined and I immediately felt a little sketched out by him because in his Discord profile in the pronouns section he put “goon/gooner.” I’m cis but I worried for the rest of the server (mostly trans), though they either didn’t see it or didn’t point it out. K seemed okay, he wasn’t very active other than reacting to stuff with emojis so he faded into the background and didn’t really bother me.

So we have a channel in the server for holiday stuff and yesterday one of the admins sent something for the first day of Hanukkah (the 8th) and pinged everyone. The last message above that was about Transgender Day of Remembrance (the 20th of November, before K joined) and after getting pinged for the new one I guess K saw that because he suddenly replied to one of the articles (about a trans boy-to-girl getting murdered) and said “rip king, sorry to see a brother go down.” It was very obvious in the article’s thumbnail that the teenager murdered was a girl, and it said she was trans in the title.

I was livid. Most of my friends are trans and I would (metaphorically) die defending them. I was too angry to write an actual response so I just sent a GIF (the “You should kill yourself now” one with the guy with white eyes and lightning flashing in the background, except it was sped up). K didn’t reply and another admin deleted his message and I wanted him banned, but they said we should wait for K to reply and give him the benefit of the doubt in case he was mistaken or misread it.

K started spamming in our general channel about half an hour later, super mad and saying stuff like “FUCK YOU YOU [R-SLUR] YOU MADE ME HAVE A FUCKING SEIZURE I HAVE EPILEPSY YOU DIPSHIT” and was just basically saying variations of that over and over until we kicked him. Apparently K had mentioned his epilepsy at one point but I don’t remember it ?? An admin pulled up a message though (his intro) where he listed it.

The other main 6 admins are very conflicted on this, but they mostly seem to think I’m an asshole and a couple of them have even unfriended me. I would be the asshole if I knew about K’s epilepsy, but I shouldn’t be expected to read every single message sent in the server, and honestly K took the risk of being on the internet where there are tons of flashing images, and I’m pretty sure there are accessibility settings you can have on Discord and your computer in general. Plus, K was being transphobic, and I was very angry and didn’t respond well. The others said I could’ve put a flash warning or something, but I wasn't thinking straight in the moment.

So, is this a NTA, JAH, or ESH? Because K was definitely an asshole too, even if he had epilepsy. I don’t know, the situation is complicated and he could be lying, so.

What are these acronyms?

[aramblingjay]

The weave of your hands (part 5/6)

Tags: Aragorn/Legolas, friends to lovers, canon era, braiding Words: 13.8K (so far)

Do you want something else to focus on? Legolas had asked earlier, seeing the way he had trembled with the aftershocks of having Sauron crawl through his mind. Gandalf had taken Pippin somewhere to calm down after his ordeal with the palantir, and the rest of the group had taken the opportunity to catch what few hours of sleep remained before dawn; only Legolas, always, always Legolas, who watched him as closely as he watched back, seemed to remember that Aragorn had touched the palantir as well. Or: 5 times aragorn does legolas’s braids + 1 time it’s the other way around

previous parts

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V. Edoras

Kissing Legolas was different than he had imagined. Aragorn had expected it to be life-changing, shifting the ground beneath his feet in some fundamental way that would separate the man he had been before tasting Legolas’s lips from the man he was after. Instead, it did not feel so different from all of the other ways in which they had long been connected. It was profound, undoubtedly, but no more so than knowing where Legolas was in the midst of every battle. No more so than speaking with him in a tongue few around them understood, never mind their shared second language of gestures and glances. And certainly, it felt no more profound than having woven braids into his hair, a privilege that had never been offered to one outside Legolas’s family.

In truth, kissing Legolas was wonderful, and Aragorn stole every opportunity to do so that he could, though they were rarely alone for long. But it seemed almost a natural thing, an inevitable conclusion that among all that they already shared, they would share this too.

Perhaps that was why, in this moment when his mind longed for something good to hold onto, it wasn’t memories of kissing Legolas to which he turned, but rather the peace of that evening in Imladris, his fingers in Legolas’s hair.

Would you like to put them back in for me? Legolas had asked that day, as though braiding an Elf was something so simple, as though with that one question he had not permanently altered the path they both would walk.

It was that evening and those words Aragorn thought of now, as he undid what remained of Legolas’s braids with deft, sure movements. He had been so hesitant then, so unsure of what he was doing, reverent without fully understanding what it was he was revering. Today—

Do you want something else to focus on? Legolas had asked earlier, seeing the way he had trembled with the aftershocks of having Sauron crawl through his mind. Gandalf had taken Pippin somewhere to calm down after his ordeal with the palantir, and the rest of the group had taken the opportunity to catch what few hours of sleep remained before dawn; only Legolas, always, always Legolas, who watched him as closely as he watched back, seemed to remember that Aragorn had touched the palantir as well.

Let’s go somewhere private, he had suggested when Aragorn had not been able to come up with a response, and that was how they found themselves here, secluded away in what appeared to be an old storage room. There were empty shelves lining the walls but no furniture, so they had settled on the floor, Legolas elegantly cross-legged, Aragorn behind him with legs sprawled to the side. He was old enough and achy enough that the position was not entirely comfortable, but he did not move. Would not, until the braid was complete.

Today, he felt only calm and peace as he combed his fingers through the fine strands the way Legolas had shown him until it lay smooth and silky, tangles undone. In his mind’s eye, he could see Legolas’s fingers making the same movements as he carefully parted the hair along the midline and gathered a section to begin the main braid. Focusing on those images, more than anything else, seemed to push the last lingering tendrils of Sauron’s malice from his mind.

How could he waste any time picturing Middle Earth as a desolate wasteland, or indeed that flaming, writhing eye, when he could think of Legolas instead?

“Your thoughts are far away,” Legolas said all of a sudden, pulling him abruptly away from mind-Legolas to the one sitting directly before him.

“Though my mind strays, it does not turn to Sauron any longer. Only to you.” Aragorn’s hands continued their steady work. There was a time when he could not converse and braid in the same breath—indeed, he did not think he ever had before, always pausing one action to take up the other. But as the braiding had grown more frequent, so too had his comfort—every motion felt so natural to him now that hardly any thought was required for each once-inscrutable movement.

“I am right here, Estel. Stay with me here.”

The combination of his old name and the honest request drew honesty out of him in return. “I keep thinking of our time together in Imladris. That last evening, when I found you unbraided and we first embarked on this journey.” He did not specify which journey, that of the fellowship or their own hands and hearts, for the one was as interwoven with the other as any two strands of Legolas’s favorite fishtail plait.

“What of it? Surely you do not miss those times.”

“I do not.” He would be a fool to, with all that had been gained in the months since. He would be a fool not to, with all that had been lost. “And I do. They were simpler times, certainly.”

“You were not meant for a simple life, Aragorn.” The use of his birth name was deliberate, he knew, and he understood the message well. He had not been born into a simple family with a simple fate, and the choices he had made since he had been old enough to make them had done nothing to steer him toward a simple path either. “But would you not prefer the complications to be of your own making and choosing?”

“Certainly.” Whether Legolas referred to his decision to join the quest of the fellowship, or his more recent decision to seize for them both this messy, unlikely, complicated chance at happiness, he did not know. The answer was the same. “But you are a fool if you think I see you merely as a complication.”

“You have long claimed it is I who can read minds. But in recent memory, I believe it is you who has mastered the art.”

It was a very long means of saying that Aragorn had guessed Legolas’s fear correctly. But Legolas would not be himself, the version of himself that Aragorn loved so dearly, if he spoke any other way—or was any more reticent in admitting an insecurity.

“No, I merely know your mind as you know mine. I said it before and I will say it now, Lassë—I would change nothing. I regret nothing. Any complication this shall bring to my life is a welcome one, and far outweighed by the joy.”

“How fortunate I am, to be loved by such a poet,” Legolas teased, but the words rang with sincerity. Aragorn continued braiding, one strand over the next over the next, working his way to the end of the plait, even as Legolas spoke. “How fortunate, to be chosen by you,” Legolas continued, quietly. “You are singular, Estel. Aragorn. Elessar. How fortunate I am.”

For all that Legolas claimed not to be the poet between them, sometimes words would fall from his lips like nectar from the sweetest of fruits, and Aragorn was left dumbfounded at the simple joy of being held in such esteem by the one he loved.

But the truth was, he was the fortunate one, for there had been and would be many great Men—he had met some of them just in the past few months. There were none like Legolas. None so loyal and generous of heart, fierce in war and peace alike to defend those he loved, none so willing to not only live in and fight for the world of Men, but embrace the opportunity to be changed by it. None so wise but steadfastly deferent, none who burned so bright and with such skill but readily promised his bow to a Hobbit and his fëa to a Man. There was none other Aragorn loved, or imagined he could love, for Legolas was the singular one, amidst Men and Elves alike.

Aragorn, having completed and tied the braid he had been working on, opened his mouth to express something of those thoughts—only to say nothing at all, for Legolas seized that precise moment turn his head for a kiss.

It was a chaste one, just their lips pressing together for several heartbeats before Legolas drew away with a small smile. The kind of kiss that seemed commonly associated with Elves, for all that Aragorn knew aloof detachedness had never been Legolas’s way. But it felt like a kiss worthy of this moment—not the blazing passion of a wildfire, new love running free, but rather a torch in the dark, steady and familiar.

“Your hands shake, still.” Legolas took his hand in his own, and Aragorn realize it to be true. As soon as he had stopped braiding, the trembling had returned. “We have yet to discuss what you saw in the palantir.”

Sauron’s presence had seemingly retreated from his mind, and Aragorn had no desire to bring it back, or indeed put words to the horrific visions it had imposed on him. “I saw many things, all to terrible to speak of. I felt him in my mind like the darkest, vilest shadow.”

Legolas remained silent, and he continued.

“I know only that whatever comes in the forthcoming weeks, I will fight until my last breath to ensure the future Sauron desires does not come to pass.” Aragorn looked down and saw that his hand, even wrapped in Legolas’s own, was still far from steady. He doubted it would be for some while yet. “My hands shake, yes, but he no longer lingers in my mind. We need not speak of him any further. All I need is to know you are with me in this fight.”

“Finish braiding me, and I shall be nowhere else.” Legolas tipped his head to expose his temple, just as he had done in the armory before the battle at Helm’s Deep. There was greater lightness to his tone today than there had been then, their promises now well enshrined, their love exposed to the light.

Aragorn huffed. “If I remember rightly it was you who distracted me.”

“And like any good teacher, I shall now steer you back on course.” Legolas turned his head away and re-settled into his earlier position, his back to Aragorn and his hair presented as a half-painted canvas, waiting for the finishing strokes. His playfulness faded into something far more serious, however, as he said, “You honor me, each time you weave my braids. You should know that.”

“I know.” Aragorn squeezed Legolas’s hand, then released it. “Never doubt that I know.”

He could not predict what the morning would bring, or indeed how this all would end. But of their place at each other’s sides, of them, he was certain.