#was that his actual last name. I forget if they told us later or not

[venln]

Was laughing at a generic tumblr text post that was reposted onto an Instagram meme account and then looked at the pfp of the tumblr op and audibly went “IS THAT FELIX FUCKING MCSCOUTY????” Because yes. It WAS.

[formulawolff]

x. bringing the heat in miami - t.w.

pairing: female driver! x toto wolff

word count: 3.6k

warnings: cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of masturbation, lewd humor, age gap relationship, ANGST, naughty text messages, banter, light flirting, toto being down astronomically bad (like actually in the trenches) yadayadayada

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party in the city where the heat is on 

all night, on the beach till the break of dawn

“welcome to miami”

“bienvenidos a miami"

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will smith’s infamous track fills your ears as you stroll in through the main gate of the track, fans clustered in thick waves. your name is called more times than you can count. posters, caps, shirts, you name it, wave about, begging to be signed. 

the sun shines overhead, casting bright, fiery light all around. although it was only around eight in the morning, humidity clung to the air, creating a sticky, dewy sensation on your exposed skin. fluffy clouds drift along, carried by a breeze as it rolls through. 

god, the weather was perfect.

hopefully it would be like this on race day.

“welcome to miamiiii,” alex bobs his head, singing along to the music, “are you excited? it is your home turf, after all.”

“if we were in phoenix, i think i would feel a little closer to home,” you suppress a giggle, “but yes, i am really fucking excited. everyone loves a race in their home country.”

“we’ll be in austin soon enough in october,,” alex shrugs, “when we’re in austin, i need you to show me how to ride a bull and teach me how to perfect that smooth texas drawl. i want to be like one of those little aunties who always say, ‘y’all come back now!’ like dolly parton! ” 

“you’re ridiculous,” the giggles blossom into a full-on laugh, “you don’t just start speaking with a southern accent. that’s not how that works.”

“sure it is,” alex nods, “hey, your parents are coming out for the race, right?”

“yes sir! they will finally get to see their baby girl in action!”

“they didn’t come out for a single grand prix last year?” alex raises a brow.

“i wasn’t winning races last year,” you counter, “i told them not to worry about spending that money during my rookie year. not everyone’s parents are loaded, you know.”

which, was a true statement. 

your parents had invested their time, hard-earned cash, weekends off, and a portion of their lives to get you here. you didn’t expect them to fly out for every single grand prix, make every event, or pay another dime towards your expenses. 

unlike many of the drivers, you were not born into an extremely lavish lifestyle. your parents were modest people, who happened to have a child later in life. ever since you were born, they lived in the same house, drove the same vehicles, and got by adequately. since they both worked full-time, getting you into the racing world was no simple feat. 

yet, they were determined to make your dreams become a reality. after years of careful coordination to the karting tracks, weekends devoted to races, and thousands upon thousands of dollars spent, you were offered a contract with williams racing. of course, you accepted that offer graciously. 

now, you were steadily paying your parents back for their dedication. once you signed your contract and those zeroes hit your bank account, you went out to the nearest dealership, purchasing a suburu wrx. with the premium package, at that. 

you would never forget your dad’s face the moment you pulled into the driveway, beaming as you placed the keys in his hand. 

that was one of the only moments you had ever watched him cry, wrapping you up in a tight, loving embrace.

“you didn’t have to do this. being your father is a gift in itself.”

“but you deserve it. you’ve sacrificed so much so that i could be in this position.”

“and you deserve nothing but the best, baby girl. you are going to be one of the greatest drivers formula one has ever seen. you make us so proud. keep making us proud. keep defying those odds. keep making history, baby girl.”

keep making history, baby girl.

as you stroll into the paddock, greeting the engineers, pit crew, and other team members, you can’t shake that feeling brewing deep within. 

it’s is a fiery desire, setting you ablaze with determination. 

you were going to keep making history. 

you were going to be the first american to win the miami grand prix. 

you were going to be the first woman to win two consecutive grand prixes. 

you were going to be the first woman to earn that title of world champion. 

you were going to chase that high. by any means possible. 

and nothing was going to stop you now. 

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“look at him,” lewis hamilton shakes his head, “he looks absolutely pitiful.”

“you think his little relationship is on the rocks?” 

“quite the contrary mate,” lewis remarks, folding his arms across his chest, “i think it’s more like the poor man is depraved. obviously the euphoria has worn off. he’s come down from that high. the man is craving more. plain and simple. a hand can only do–”

“i don’t need the mental image of my team principal wanking off,” george russell scoffs, rubbing his temple, “fuck, that is disgusting, lewis.”

toto wolff stood a few meters away from the drivers, engaged in deep conversation with bono and members of the crew. now that lewis knew the truth, he couldn’t help but notice how much power that american girl held over the team principal. it was almost as if he were deep in a trance, under some sort of spell. 

it was pitiful, really. just the sight of her was enough to send the team principal spiraling, intoxicated off her alluring aura. not like lewis could blame toto, though. there was no denying that the woman was extremely breathtaking. 

with her stunning features, witty mouth, unapologetic personality, and angelic presence, she was practically miss america.

well, not practically. 

she was miss america.  

everyone adored her. lewis could barely go throughout his morning without hearing her name being mentioned. whether it was fans, journalists, social media, even members of the mercedes crew, she was the hot topic of formula one, taking the world by storm.

toto was a lucky man. an extremely lucky man. 

if only she was into men her age. 

“my apologies mate,” lewis nudges george with his elbow playfully, “did we have anything going on today? any obligations?”

george’s brow furrow, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, “if we’re being honest, i can’t really remember. i think something to do with monster energy, maybe.”

“perfect,” lewis licks his lower lip, fishing his phone out of his pocket. 

time to text that little assistant. 

in all seriousness, he felt horrible for taking advantage of that young girl. she was only nineteen for fuck’s sakes, a fresh face to mercedes at the start of the 2024 season. that made her the perfect target to do his bidding. 

well, it wasn’t really bidding. 

more like investigative journalism. 

at least, that’s what lewis told himself to feel a little less guilty for what he was about to do. 

hey, do you by chance know toto’s schedule today?

seconds later, little text bubbles appear. 

he was meeting with you guys this morning, then he has an interview with the press around two-thirty p.m. it’s nothing super serious, just a brief session entailing his thoughts for the weekend. at four, he has a zoom call with a few of the mercedes execs. after that, he told me he was going to be out for the remainder of the evening. why? 

hmmm. how convenient. 

i was just curious. thanks for letting me know! i appreciate you, natila. 

of course, mr. hamilton! let me know if you need anything else! :))) 

it was now or never. go time.

after the meeting with the mercedes executives, lewis hamilton was going to knock on toto wolff’s door. he was going to stroll into that office, settling into one of those plush leather chairs. and before toto had the opportunity to speak, lewis was going to confront him about that american girl. 

how he was going to start that conversation, he had no idea. that would come to him in time as he went about his day, meeting with sponsors, flashing that lovely lewis smile, flirting with the reporters just a little. not too much so that it was obvious, but enough to make them blush a tad, giggling as they scrambled to stick to their script. 

but for now, it was time to focus on the matters at hand. 

across the track, a dutch driver strolls through the crowds, a jersey in one hand, phone in the other. glancing down at his screen, he curses under his breath at the throng of people. why were there so many people? where did they all come from? 

pausing for a moment, he taps his screen, thumb gliding through his contacts. 

“hey, where are you again?”

“we’re in the williams paddock!” her voice is an octave higher than usual, more than likely from anticipation, “we’ll see you soon!”

“sounds good,” max verstappen stifles a chuckle as he hears a voice on the other end, the words firm, demanding almost.  

“honey, who are you talking to? who’s coming over here?” 

“mom, please, just let me be on the phone for two seconds,” she exhales, “okay, i have to go. i’ll see you soon!” 

the walk to the williams paddock was excruciating, as max had to bob and weave through the masses to avoid reporters, potential sponsors, and any individual who called his name. it’s not like he didn’t like the fame that came with his success, it’s just that he didn’t like the constant cameras in his face. the prying questions. the intrusive comments. 

sometimes he wished he could just blend in, be like any other face in the crowd. yet, how could he when he was max verstappen? 

yet, as he steps into the paddock, he makes out the williams driver, her parents hovering around her as she introduces them to various members of the crew. at the sight, max can’t help but feel the corners of his lips curl into a smile as he notices the sheer and utter pride plastered across their faces. 

and they had every right to be proud of you. 

you earned it. 

“goedemorgen,” max clears his throat, raising his hand for a small wave, “i just came to stop by.”

the instant your mom realizes who is standing before her in the paddock, her eyes widen, lips parting, “oh my gosh – honey. look who it is!” 

“good morning max,” your laughter rings like bells as you cross over to the dutch driver, “how are you?”

“pretty good,” he nods, sticking out his right hand, “hallo, i’m max.”

your dad shakes his hand, squeezing it firmly, “nice to meet ya, max. i’m tony. this is my wife, heather.”

“pleased to meet you,” max beams, turning to your mom, “i brought something for you today. your daughter mentioned that you were a big fan of mine. so, i brought this jersey for you. she let me know your shirt size, so it should fit perfectly. my signature is on there somewhere, but i just can’t quite remember where.”

graciously, heather accepts the jersey, her eyes glossy, shifting to you as she wipes a tear, “oh, honey, you planned this?”

“of course i did,” wrapping an arm around her shoulders, you pull her in for a hug, “i couldn’t bear the thought of you guys attending the race without meeting any of my friends. besides, you deserve an all-inclusive experience at your first grand prix.”

“besides,” max shoots you a wink, “i wanted to meet the woman who crafted such a talented driver.”

at max’s compliment, your mom’s face flushes, “oh please! i can barely make it on the freeway without having a nervous breakdown. i don’t know how she can drive these things. it amazes me how confident she is and–.”

“i could show you,” max offers, “i have some free time tomorrow. i’m sure we could all meet up somewhere and i could take you for a spin, show you the ropes. how does that sound?”

“oh max,” your mom waves a hand, “you do not–”

“but i want to. it’s no issue. no issue at all.” 

“then it’s a plan,” you can’t help but grin as your moms’ eyes light up, “what time works for you, max? since it’s only thursday, we’ll have some time in the morning before the practice laps. or, we could go after. whatever works for you.”

“let’s go in the morning,” max suggests, checking his phone, “i think i can make a few calls. have someone bring in a car. we’ll take it out on the track.”

“is that allowed?” your mom arches a brow, “i just don’t want you two to get in any sort of trouble. 

“oh mom,” you roll your eyes playfully, gesturing to max, “that is max verstappen. whatever max verstappen wants, max verstappen gets.”

“she’s not wrong.”

“okay fine,” your mom nods, and you feel a giggle forming at her overprotective nature. 

“just don’t give me a heart attack out there, max. i have a very important race to watch on sunday.”

as your parents talk to max, alex making his way into the conversation, you feel the buzz of your phone in your pocket. carefully, you fish it out, ensuring to shield your screen from your mom’s wandering gaze. 

this is unbearable. i need to see you tonight. are you going to have any free time? i vaguely recall you mentioning that your parents were going to be here. i will take no offense if you would like to spend time with them. i know you do not get to see them often. 

i need to be inside you, schatzi. i can’t think straight right now because the only thing i can think about is fucking that perfect pussy of yours. 

i miss my golden girl. more than anything. 

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“lewis? this is a pleasant surprise.”

“how’s it going mate?” lewis hamilton bears a quaint smile as he settles into a chair, face-to-face with the team principal, “things going well?”

“eh,” toto shrugs, his head bowed as he types away on his phone, “same old shit, you know.” 

“things going well with the horseback rider?”

oh, so he wasn’t going to drop it. silently, toto curses the attentive nature of his british driver, “they’re fine.”

“so,” lewis leans back, folding his arms across his chest, “when were you going to fess up and admit that your little girlfriend doesn’t ride horses?”

“i don’t understand what you–”

lewis scoffs, clicking his tongue, “i know exactly who your little girlfriend is because she’s a few spaces ahead of me on the grid.”

shit.

the expression painting lewis’ features is brimmed with satisfaction, his gaze piercing right through the team principal as he shifts uneasily in his desk chair, running a hand through his hair. 

toto was well aware that lewis had completely blindsided him, pinning him in a corner. it was quite literally perfect timing, as the team principal was merely minutes away from organizing his things, shutting down his computer, and heading out the door, well on his way to his golden girl. 

well played, lewis. well played. 

yet, he had to maintain his composure. he had to maintain that poker face as lewis cocks his head, prompting him to formulate some sort of witty retort. 

“i’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“bullshit,” lewis shakes his head, “you’re not a very good liar, toto. you of all people should know that i can read you like a bloody book. how long has this been going on?”

well, he had to fess up now. lewis would continue to call him out on his shit if he kept up with the lies. letting out a shaky breath, the team principal hangs his head in defeat, his heart thumping against his rib-cage, wiping his damp palms on his slacks.

no going back now. time to come clean. 

“since she won in jeddah. but if we’re being technical, it started in bahrain.”

“wait,” lewis sticks his hands up, squeezing his eyes shut, “pause. this has been going on since the start of the season? for weeks you’ve been sneaking around, meeting up with her in secret or something? was she the one who came to brackley between melbourne and suzuka?”

with all of the questions pouring from lewis’ mouth, toto’s mind reeled, a swirling torrent of anxiety, fear, and disappointment. his cheeks burn with shame, tinged pink. 

“yes, she was.”

tilting his head, lewis’ lips purse, “you like her?”

“well isn’t that blatantly fucking obvious,” propping his elbows on the desk, he massages his temples with his fingers, “how did you find out?”

“it wasn’t hard,” lewis shrugs, “i mean, i see the way you look at her.” 

toto’s eyes narrow at lewis’ vague response, “how. did. you. find. out?”

“natila texted me about it,” lewis coughs, averting the team principal’s beady stare, “she may have heard a conversation or two.” 

“regarding?” toto presses, satisfaction pumping in his veins as lewis starts to crack, shifting in the chair, “come on, lewis. you can’t just march in here and demand answers from me without sharing your sources. what did natila hear?”

“she heard the entire conversation you had with the drive to survive crew while we were in suzuka. they mentioned that they had footage of you walking over to her motorhome. that’s all natila heard. don’t fire the poor girl,” the words were rushed, breathy, “it was my fault. i asked her what she heard. i told her i would pay her if she told me what she knew.”

“well,” toto blinks, swallowing thickly, “did you end up paying her?”

“only like five thousand.”

“that’s quite a large sum over something you could have just asked me about personally,” clasping his hands together, toto raises a brow, “why didn’t you just come to me instead?”

“because you got so fucking defensive the first time i asked about it!” 

lewis did have a point. 

a good point, at that.

it was not like the team principal would have withheld information regarding his developing relationship with the williams driver. it was more like he feared what would ensue if he did share what had transpired. he trusted lewis, he really did. additionally, it wasn’t like this was just some average woman. his career, her future, and so much more were at stake. the benefits of keeping it all under wraps greatly outweighed the risk of discovery. 

more importantly, he was protective of his golden girl. 

she was his little escape from it all. a breath of fresh air after excruciatingly long nights in the paddock or disappointing days on the track. she was his sun, shining her vivid, warm, golden rays into his dreary and dull life. 

sure, toto was a billionaire. but money was not everything. 

nearly every day, toto’s mind wandered to their time spent together in brackley. the way she felt against his skin. the way her shy smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. the way her fingers felt intertwined with his. the way her lashes fluttered as she slept, lips parted ever so slightly. the way his hands roamed her curves, relishing the softness of her. 

that memory alone was worth far more than the number of zeroes in his bank account. 

“you’re falling in love, aren’t you?”

lewis’ voice is low, dangerously quiet. yet, there’s a curious glint in his eyes, the bitterness and anger no longer present. his body language is more relaxed, legs crossed, the driver fiddling with his thumbs. 

“i –” toto stutters, scrambling to find the right words, “yes, i am.”

“does she know?” 

“no,” he inhales sharply, “she doesn’t.”

“you want to tell her though, don’t you?”

“it would just feel rushed,” the team principal dismisses lewis’ inquiry, his voice hardening, “i have to be realistic here. no one falls in love that quickly. that’s just petulant.”

“well look at it this way,” lewis offers, “if you’ve had your eye on her for some time, then it’s really not that rushed. clearly, if you’re feeling those emotions so deeply, then it’s accumulated over time. i don’t want to pry, but how long have you been attracted to her?”

“you don’t want to know,” a chuckle rumbles in the team principal’s chest, “it’s embarrassing, really.”

“no, no, no,” lewis tuts, “tell me, toto. how long?”

“december 2022, when she signed her contract with williams. when i saw that photo of her, i knew i had to have her. last summer, in monaco, i may have slipped up and approached her at the afterparty. i flirted with her, but she dismissed me. so, i kept my distance. however, it was just growing harder and harder to stay away. it was impulsive, that night in bahrain. but i wanted to make a move before anyone else got to her.”

as toto finishes, he can’t help but notice lewis’ smirk, “holy shit, toto. you’ve been wrapped around her finger for quite some time then, yeah?”

“i wouldn’t say that–” toto begins, clicking his tongue, yet, he’s swiftly cut off as a new figure cracks open the door. 

george russell leans against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest. his lips are pressed together, forming a tightly wound frown. 

“way to include me in the gossip session, guys. what did i miss? clearly, quite a lot. if you don’t mind, i would like to join the conversation. toto, would you start from the top? even though i’ve already heard most of it, when were you going to bring it to my attention that you were fucking that bloody williams driver?”

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as always, if i forgot to include you, please let me know! thank you all for the continuous support! i love y'all sm!! <33

[marauder-misprint]

'You were important'

Sirius Black x Fem!Slytherin!reader

9.5k words

cw: Minor use of y/n, fluff, swearing, mentions of Walburga’s great parenting, hurt/comfort, swearing 

You’re not exactly sure when you first met Sirius. You both came from unhappy homes. His was just empty of love in general; his parents, cold and disconnected, held impossible expectations of him. Yours was a broken love; parents that had onced loved each other but only stayed together out of obligation to you. You knew your parents tried to hide their growing distaste for each other from you, but they were bad at it. Their arguments filled the house almost nightly.

Your friendship with Sirius was born out of literal escapism. You had taken to going to the park near your house whenever you couldn’t take being in the house anymore. At one point, the curly haired boy started showing up and you’d sit on the swings together. It wasn’t until a while later that you actually talked to him. And the two of you became friends, disparaging your parents together. 

“Some people just shouldn’t be parents,” you had said to him once. 

He agreed. The two of you made your own fun as two unsupervised kids did: he liked to break things and you liked to set things on fire. You weren’t always causing trouble, sometimes opting to go exploring down every alley within the surrounding neighborhoods. But at the end of the day, you’d always go back to your own homes. You could easily be described as best friends, despite not knowing his last name and he yours. 

Your friendship hit what you thought would be a minor bump at the end of the summer after you both turned eleven. You were hanging out at your usual park, chatting at the swings like you always did. He told you that he had been enrolled in a boarding school. You stared at him, silent for a beat, but then you told him that you had been too. 

“So… I’ll see you at Christmas?” he asked.

“Yeah. Don’t go forgetting about me.”

“It’s just school. I won’t forget you.”

Little did you know that you would be going to the same school as him. You had managed to not see him on the platform, on the train nor on the boats. You didn’t see him at all prior to the sorting ceremony. 

“Sirius Black.”

The dark curls you were all too familiar with walked up the steps to the tri-legged stool and the sorting hat was placed on his head. 

After a few moments, it shouted, “GRYFFINDOR!”

The table of crimson and gold erupted into the cheers while the rest of the hall seemed to fill with whispers of uncertainty. You understood their whispers. You would have to have been a muggle to not know about the Black family. As you waited for your turn to be sorted, your mind spun with questions to ask him when you had the chance. How had he never mentioned his last name? How had there been no accidental magic between the two of you? Was everything he said about his parents true? What about the rumors about him? How come you had never seen his brother?

You were ripped out of your thoughts at the call of your name. You climbed the steps and took a seat on the stool for your sorting. You glanced over at him. He was staring at you with a white face. You were only given a singular moment of eye contact before the hat made its decision.

“SLYTHERIN!”

As you made your way to the green and silver table, you tried to find his eyes again, but he wouldn’t look your way. And it stayed that way. For the whole first week, he wouldn’t look at you and always made a point to not be near you, which wasn’t difficult as he surrounded himself with his fellow Gryffindors. You didn’t speak until he approached you in the library. 

“How are you here?” he whispered, pretending to look for a book in the same section as you. His voice made you jump.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you hissed back at him. “Never mentioned you’re a wizard.”

“You didn’t either.”

“Technically, I’m a witch. You never said your last name.”

“Some muggles know my family.”

Silence. 

“We’re going to pretend we don’t know each other,” he said. 

“What?” you asked, turning to face him despite him still not looking at you. 

“You don’t know me. I don’t know you.”

Then he grabbed a random book from the shelf and walked away. You watched him walk away in utter shock. How were you supposed to pretend you didn’t know him?

Sirius took what he said to you very seriously. You were just another Slytherin to him, someone as bad as the rest of his pure-blood-obsessed family. You weren’t friends anymore. Despite making your own friends, the semester felt lonely.

You had hope that over Christmas break he’d come to the park. The promise of seeing each other at Christmas was a spark of hope that lingered in your chest. A spark that was extinguished when he didn’t appear at the park; you were there almost every day for several hours. It was then that you gave up on those years of friendship. You’d have to learn to survive your parents without his company. 

---

You wonder if he thought about you as much as you thought about him. You weren’t friends anymore. You hadn’t spoken in years except for minor interactions.

“Excuse me.”

“Can you pass the frog warts?”

“Here.” 

“Can I get through?”

“Thanks.”

Yet Sirius still haunted your mind. You weren’t friends. But you cared for him. And caring for him was a distraction from your own home life. You just couldn’t show how much you cared for him in the normal ways, but it seemed as if fate knew that and gave you Regulus. Another boy who lived in the same house as Sirius with the same parents. You made it your mission to befriend him, letting him tell you details about his life and hiding how much you knew from Sirius. He didn’t tell you much, nor did he ask much about you. You had a quiet mutual understanding with Regulus, and that was enough for you. It was that understanding that made you two best friends. His walls slowly came down when he was around you. You were easily the one he trusted the most at Hogwarts and he became yours. It was an easy friendship. You treasured that, even if it sometimes reminded you of what you had had with Sirius. 

---

You had gotten used to being at the park by yourself. Sirius was never there anymore. You did a double take when you saw a boy with dark curly hair sitting on the swing. For a moment, you thought it was Sirius, but the hair was too short and not curly enough. His frame was thinner. Then it hit you. Regulus. 

You sprinted up to him and stood in front of him. He was silently crying. You had known him long enough to recognize the signs without actually seeing his face; he was an expert at hiding it. You knew he’d rather die than have anyone see him cry. 

“Regulus,” you breathe, kneeling down in front of him.

You hear his breath hitch and he looks up from his lap. The expression on his face makes you want to cry. It makes you want to hold him, using your grip to put his broken pieces back together. It hurts your soul to see him like this. The look changes from extreme hurt and sadness to confusion.

“How are… how are you here?” he asks.

You reach out to hold his hands. He doesn’t pull them away.

“Doesn’t matter right now. What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Sirius,” Regulus says, his voice tight. “He ran away. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

You press your lips into a thin line. Even based on what Regulus has told you, which didn’t measure up to everything Sirius had ever told you, you know that him being alone in that house wasn’t a good thing. You give his hands a squeeze, hoping it offers some kind of comfort.

“You’re going to be okay.” Maybe if you speak it into existence, it will be true. “You’re strong. You’re resilient. You’ve done all you can to make your parents proud. They can’t…”

He shakes his head before cutting you off. “They don’t have to be upset with me to be upset at me.”

“Do… do you know where he went?”

“I’m assuming the Potters.”

“Do you have somewhere to go?”

He blinks at you, emotion slowly draining from his face.

“I can’t leave.” It’s a firm statement.

“Regulus,” you say, almost pleading, but he just shakes his head again.

“I have to stay. I can’t leave. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Regulus.” Your voice is softer, but your grip on his hands is stronger. “What if you had somewhere to go?”

He shakes his head again. “I told you. I have to stay… I should be getting back soon. Mother won’t be happy I’ve been gone so long…”

“Regulus Arcturus Black,” you say, trying to hold his attention. He looks into your eyes and you can see all the pain he’s holding in. “I don’t live far from here. My home’s not much, but it’s better. Safer.”

“Better? Safer?” he scoffs. 

“I come here often. I’ll be here if you change your mind,” you say, knowing he won’t. He was too proud and too determined to survive without Sirius. 

“I’ll see you at school.”

You watch as he walks away and you just know that you’re going to have to piece him back together when the fall comes. From what you know Sirius endured, you know he’ll need a careful hand. 

---

Come the fall, you find you were right. Regulus was numb to the world. He was silent and emotionless as the rest of his friends greeted him, pulling him into the compartment where you were. 

“Regulus,” you say as he sits next to you.

His back is pin-straight, like he couldn’t even think about slouching. You reach out to touch his arm when he doesn’t acknowledge you. When your hand touches his bicep, he turns to look at you and you see the sadness creep up into his face. You adjust how you’re sitting so you can pull him into you. He falls into your chest, not bothering to say anything and certainly not attempting to resist your touch. 

“I should have listened,” he mumbles into your arm that’s wrapped tightly around him.

“I know,” you whisper. 

He stays in your arms for most of the ride to Hogwarts, getting more comfortable as time passes and he shifts to periodically participate in the conversation with Dorcas, Pandora, Evan and Barty. The more time he spends with the group, the more life gets breathed back into him. It’s not much, but it’s something. By the time the train pulls into Hogsmeade Station, he’s laughed once and there’s a hint of a small spark of life in his eyes again. He throws an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his side as you walk toward the carriages.

“Thank you,” he whispers, his breath hot on your ear.

You turn to look up at him. “Don’t be thanking me just yet, Reg.”

He chuckles softly.

“Love, you were somehow there when he left. That in itself is enough for me to be showering you in gratitude.”

“Going soft on me, are you?” you laugh, leaning more into his side. 

He rolls his eyes, a sign his old self is still there. 

“I care for you. And I’ll be damned if I ever let you forget that.”

He presses a kiss to the top of your head. “I don’t think I can.”

“Good.” 

You stay by his side all through dinner and all evening in the common room. You didn’t let the boy out of your sight until you walked him to his dorm and he bid you goodnight. Once the door closes between you, you let your cheerful mask fall. You had tried to catch Sirius’ eyes during dinner but he seemed to look everywhere but the Slytherin table. It soured your mood, but you wouldn’t let Regulus see that. You had to be strong and gentle for Regulus. For the Black that wouldn’t fully push you out of his life. Not that you would give Regulus the option to do that. 

You could feel Dorcas and Pandora’s eyes on you as you stalk across the common room towards your dorm. You had been positively beaming when you walked away with Regulus and now, without him, you were scowling. They corner you in your dorm as you brush your hair, preparing for bed.

“So, you and Black?” Pandora asks, her tone light.

“What do you mean, Dory?” you respond, looking at her in the mirror’s reflection. 

“Seemed cozy. Close. Almost like Evan and Junior,” Dorcas says. 

You snort a laugh. “God forbid a girl has a male friend. He had a rough summer and you know he trusts me.” 

“He put his arm around you after you held him the entire way here,” Dorcas points out and Pandora nods in agreement. “That’s something.”

“I assure you, it’s not.” 

---

With each passing day, you and Regulus spend every spare second together, as you had in previous years. Only this time, you’re making sure that he is okay and present. It’s  obvious to you every time he disappears into his mind. His eyes gloss over and any expression on his face dissipates into the numb expression he had when his parents dropped him off at Kings Cross. When you see him in passing, he has the look on his face and he’s more rigid than you had ever seen him previously. You know he’s just getting through the day and will relax once he’s back in the common room or library with you. 

When he’s with you, you see his old self coming back, but there are still the effects of the summer without Sirius. He’s more jumpy and paranoid. You catch him glancing over his shoulder, and your shoulder, periodically, like someone is going to walk up and attack them. He flinches when people raise their voices or a room gets too loud. You do your best to tell people to quiet down or find a believable excuse for you and Regulus to leave. It works well enough and Regulus always gives you a grateful smile. 

You’re not sure what possesses to check on Regulus a month or so into the term. You put on your robe before heading down to the common room. A hunched-over form scribbling away at one of the tables tells you that you don’t need to go to the dorms to find Regulus. He’s already up. You walk over to him, ensuring your steps make noise and going to sit across from him.

“What are you working on?” you whisper.

He still jumps at the sound of your voice. 

“Reworking a Charms essay.”

“Didn’t I already proofread that for you? I thought it was done,” you ask, narrowing your eyes at the parchment. 

“Uh, yeah. It was finished. But it can be better. It needs to be better. I don’t want to settle for an E. I want an O. Mother wants an O.” 

He looks back down at his essay and continues to write until you reach over the table to put your hand on his wrist.

“Regulus, you’re supposed to be sleeping. And the essay you already wrote was O material.”

“I won’t be able to sleep until it’s perfect.”

“It is perfect.”

“Then more than perfect. It has to be better.”

“Regulus, look at me.”

He raises his eyes to look into yours. His grey eyes are bloodshot and his face pale. 

“You need to sleep. It’s three in the morning.”

He shakes his head. “I won’t be able to sleep.”

“The essay is-” you start to say.

“It’s not the essay,” he cuts you off and then sighs. “I dream of home when I sleep.”

“Oh.”

There’s silence, except for the occasional crack or pop from the dying fire. Regulus stopped working on his essay. You try to think of a solution.

“What if… I stayed with you until you fell asleep?”

“You should be sleeping too, though.”

“I’ve gotten a few hours already,” you remind him. 

“What if I dream of there again?” You can hear the fear in his voice and it breaks your heart.

“I can stay until morning, if you think your dormmates won’t mind,” you suggest. “I don’t think Junior would mind, but I don’t know about the others.”

At your offer, his eyes start pleading for you to do so.

“Please stay.”

You nod, stand up and hold out your hand to him.

“Come on then. Let’s get you to bed.”

He quickly collects his items from the table and takes your hand. You lead him back to his own dorm. Regulus lights a small light before he gets ready for bed. The curtains of the other beds in the room are pulled closed, giving the boys their own privacy. You sat on the edge of the only empty bed, obviously Regulus’ with all of the House of Black monogrammed items. You didn’t crawl under the covers until Regulus did. You let him get comfortable first before wrapping yourself around him. 

“Just focus on my breathing, yeah?”

“And you won’t leave?”

“I’m not leaving until morning.”

Your presence in Regulus’ dorm becomes more common. He would let you know when he needed you there. Enchanted notes would fly into your dorm and wake you up if he woke up from a particularly horrid dream. You would be there in an instant, helping lull him back to sleep. Dorcas and Pandora said “I told you so” when rumors of you and Regulus dating circled briefly. You shut them down quickly. Whether anyone actually believed you wasn’t the point; it was that no one was talking about it. You did take pride in being scary when you needed to. You knew you had to split your focus between Regulus and lessons, not silly rumors. 

Some days were better than others for Regulus. You knew it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and roses, but it was nice when those days came along. And you made sure to be there when a day just went to shit. Things had been trending upward the further you got into the semester. You had been able to become less attached at the hip with Regulus. He had spent some evenings with Junior and Evan and some others that you didn’t particularly care for. But he was opening up again to his other friends and that was good. 

Then one of his enchanted notes flutters into your Potions class. Luckily, you are working in the back near the door so Slughorn doesn’t notice the parchment fly in and land in front of you. You quickly read over the note and raise your hand. 

“Professor, may I use the loo?”

Slughorn looks a bit shocked at your interruption.

“Yes. Go. Be quick if you can.”

You nod and hurry out of the room. You find Regulus in the alcove he had described. He’s hugging his knees to his chest and visibility shaking. His face is hidden, but you know he’s been crying. You crouch next to him.

“Hey,” you say softly.

He flinches but then lifts his head. You were right; tears were streaming down his face. 

“What happened?” 

“I-I don’t kn-know. There was a n-noise a-a-and something hit me. I c-couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I-I just ran.”

You wrap your arms around him. You hold him for a few minutes in silence, except for his ragged breathing and sniffles. You rub circles on his back and arm where your hands rest. 

“Thank you for the note,” you whisper. 

He nods. He doesn’t know why you’re thanking him for it, but who else was he supposed to send for? Sirius? 

After the rest of classes, you decide to skip dinner. While you’re sure that Regulus would’ve benefitted from your presence, you needed to clear your head. You pace around the castle, corridor after corridor, floor after floor. You come across a door you’re unfamiliar with and you peer inside the room. Your face lights up at the piles of old broken crates. The room looked abandoned and you’re fairly certain you’ve never come across this room before. You crack your neck and launch spells at the crates, making them explode and catch fire. There must be some sort of enchantment on the room because the piles of crates never end. You are able to go through what must’ve been hundreds of crates until you are tired. Your system feels momentarily cleared. 

---

Regulus sending for you during class set something off in you. While you had been mad at Sirius for leaving Regulus alone, now you are furious. You know part of your anger is fueled by what Sirius did to you, just casually ending a years-old friendship and never truly acknowledging you again. You waited for the right time, rage boiling inside of you. You hid it from Regulus and the girls, but it was there. You knew it was there. 

When the moment presented itself, you approached Sirius and his friends. They had claimed a shady area by the Black Lake and were lounging around. It was secluded enough that you felt no shame in the scene you knew you were about to throw. You had decided that Sirius’ decision that you weren’t to acknowledge each other was done. 

“What do you want?” Peter asks with a sharp tone. He is the first one to notice you.

At his question, the rest of the boys look up to see who was walking up to them. You notice a brief look of warning cross Sirius’ face. 

“You left him alone,” you say, trying to be firm and steady but it comes out accusingly. You’re only looking at Sirius. You don’t care for the rest of them right now. 

Sirius blinks at you. His expression is unreadable, not giving you anything to go off of.

“You two know each other?” Remus asks, sensing the tension you’re giving off. 

“How could you leave him alone? In that house with them?”

“Padfoot, what’s she on about?” Peter asks. He’s giving you a wary look. 

You know Sirius understands exactly what you’re getting at. 

“This isn’t the place,” he says coolly. 

“You left him behind and went to hide at the Potters,” you continue. You look at James briefly. “Full offense by the way.”

“Oi, what?” James gasps. 

“Padfoot, is she talking about-?” Remus starts to ask.

“Regulus? Yeah, I am.” You shoot Remus a soft smile before turning back to Sirius with the anger bubbling up within you. “After everything, I know they were horrible to you, but how could you leave him there alone? Did you see him when they dropped him off?” A dry laugh escapes your lips and your voice rises. “Wait, of course not! You weren’t there for him. I know you stood between them and him for years but suddenly disappearing? That’s so fucking cowardly, you dipshit. He wasn’t prepared. He wasn’t ready.”

“Regulus is an open book, isn’t he?” Peter mumbles. “Airing the Blacks’ dirty laundry?”

You turn to Peter with a much more harsh look on your face. “I forgot that you all don’t know.” You don’t need to see Sirius’ face to know he’s giving you his own furious look of warning. One that says ‘Don’t you dare.’ “Sirius and I go way back. At least we did until he became the family disgrace and I wasn’t in the same house.”

“Sod. Off,” Sirius says. All calmness that had been in his voice previously was gone. “This isn’t about you.”

“It’s fucking about me when I’m the one putting him back together. When I was the one who found him. When I was the one who offered him somewhere safe. All because you left him.” 

“He’s their golden boy. How bad could it be?” Peter asks, leaning back on his elbows as he stretches out.

“Wormtail, you stay out of it,” Sirius warns. 

“You called him that.”

“Black, you could learn a thing or two about loyalty. You got a wicked case of abandoning people who care for you. Boys,” you cast a glance around the group, “just know it’s only a matter of time before he leaves you for dead because something better for him came up. Consider yourself warned.”

The boys watch as you stalk off toward the castle. You leave a thick silence in your wake. Once you are a safe distance away, the boys turn their glances to Sirius, who is fuming. 

“So Sirius?” Remus asks, his words cutting through the silence. 

He didn’t say anything, still staring in the direction you had gone.

“Padfoot,” James tries, “care to explain what that was? Or even, who?”

When Sirius still doesn’t say anything, Remus answers part of James’ question. “Y/N. She’s one of Regulus’ friends, I think. I see them around each other a lot. Slytherin, obviously.” 

“Okay, but she said she goes ‘way back’ with Pads, not Regulus,” Peter points out.

“Yeah, because we do and they don’t,” Sirius finally speaks up. “We live… lived near each other. Met at a park when we were small. When being at home was too much.”

The others wait for him to say more. He doesn’t, at least not willingly. 

“And?” Remus pries. “What was all of that?” He gestures to the space where you had berated him. 

“Suppose the result of mixing my moving in with James and her friendship with my brother.”

“Okay, and the bit of about loyalty?” James asks. “Like, what was that?” He lets out an awkward laugh. 

“I may or may not have told her we weren’t friends like a week into first year,” Sirius mumbles, not meeting any of their eyes. 

The boys exchange confused looks with each other, not fully understanding.

“Why?” James follows up. 

“I… don’t know. Some mix of betrayal of not knowing she was going to be here and her being a Slytherin, I guess. It felt like a connection to my family that I was able to separate myself from by being a Gryffindor, you know?”

Remus shakes his head. “But, mate, if you were friends before Hogwarts-”

Sirius cuts him off. “Try my closest confidant.”

“That’s even worse,” Remus continues. “I’d imagine she was pretty pissed when you left her. Coming here and you see a familiar face that tells you to fuck off?”

“I mean, I was pleasant to her. We just aren’t friends anymore! And we didn’t see each other at home anymore either.”

“I’m willing to bet that’s your doing though,” Peter says. 

Sirius sighs and nods. 

“Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot…” Remus breathes. 

“Should you be concerned about Regulus though?” Peter asks, his voice small as he knows talking about his family isn’t Sirius’ favorite thing. “She seemed pretty stressed ‘bout it.”

“Mildly,” Sirius says shortly. “He’s stronger than she knows.” 

Remus gives Sirius an unsure look. Remus has seen how often you hang around Regulus and assumes you two were probably as close as the Marauders were. Only differences being you didn’t share a dorm and were in different years. Sirius didn’t see Remus’ look. He didn’t want to feel the judgment of his friends right now. Not when he had been yelled at by his oldest friends, one who knew of his home life better than the Marauders did. You had been there when he was subjected to his parents’ moods and opinions year round as compared to only having to survive a few months with them. 

Sirius didn’t sleep well that night. He kept tossing and turning but ultimately failed at becoming comfortable and falling asleep. He tried to just rest with his eyes closed. It didn’t help that his mind was endlessly spinning and replaying your words, your concern for Regulus and fury at him for leaving Regulus behind, rather than being happy for him finally escaping his tormentors. 

The next day, he makes a point to find you after class. Being exhausted in class wasn’t conducive to paying attention, nor was still having you on his mind. His friends could tell he wasn’t in it; they mostly left him alone and tried to keep the professor’s attention off of him. Remus had made comments to James and Peter about thinking your intrusion had affected Sirius more than he would admit to them. Afterall, Sirius liked to keep his personal emotions close to his chest. 

He finds you in the library with Pandora and Dorcas. He looks around nervously for Regulus, or Barty and Evan. He was more nervous about Regulus, but seeing Barty and  Evan wasn’t my favorite scenario either. Luckily for him, it was just the girls. Dorcas and Pandora noticed him right away as he started to approach the table. You had continued working, not looking up. 

“Uh, hey, Y/N,” he says awkwardly. 

Dorcas and Pandora give him annoyed glares. You look up slowly.

“What, Black?” you all but spit at him. Had he not gotten enough of an earful yesterday?

“Can, uh, can we talk?”

Pandora cocks her head to the side as Dorcas glances quickly from Sirius to you and back. You blink at Sirius, as if bored. The girls next to you have never seen Sirius so unsure of himself, except maybe when he was walking up to be sorted, when the possibility of being a Slytherin still hung in the air. 

“I guess,” you say with a sigh. “I’ll be back shortly,” you assure the girls as you follow Sirius into the depth of the shelves. 

“How bad is he?” Sirius asks once you’re out of earshot of the girls. 

You scoff. “Oh, so now you care.”

“I always cared. It’s just not something I talk about with the guys. He’s my brother.”

“He was wrecked when you left. Rightfully so, if you ask me. And he was ruined when he came back to school. You left him alone with them.” You were trying to keep your voice steady and low, not wanting to start a shouting match with him in the library. 

Sirius sighs and runs a hand through his hair. 

“Is that all you needed?” you ask. “Pretty sure I told you that yesterday.”

“How is he… now?”

You bite the inside of your cheek before answering. “He’s not the same, if that’s what you’re asking. Barely okay some days. It’s hit and miss, but overall, better the longer he isn’t there, I think. I’m worried about when he inevitably goes back. Christmas? Summer? All of our work this semester is going to go down the drain.”

“Our work?”

You roll your eyes. “Me, Dory, Dorcas, Evan, Junior. You know, the people that care about him.”

“I care about him.”

“The people that care about him enough to be around.”

“Being in that house was killing me. You know that. I had to get out.”

“It never would’ve killed you, Sirius. Drive you mad, yes. But not kill. Even on the worst days, you were never as bad as he is.”

“It’s not my fault he doesn’t have the common sense to get out.”

“He feels like he has to stay. I offered-”

“I know. You said yesterday. So he didn’t take you up on it and you still feel the responsibility to fix him?”

“It’s not a responsibility. It’s because he’s important to me. That’s why I helped fix you. You were important to me.”

Were echoes in his brain. Sirius shakes his head in slight disbelief.

“Still. He turned you away and you’re doing more than he’s asking of you. Why?”

You blink at him slowly and take a deep breath. What you wouldn’t give for it to be appropriate to smack him upside the head, but you needed to keep your composure.

“He came back to me. He’s opened up to me. He didn’t lock me out forever. Like you did.”

You feel like you need to scream.

“Excuse me.”

You turn and leave Sirius alone in the shelves. Pandora and Dorcas give you concerned looks as you take your seat again. They only look away from you when Sirius emerges from the shelves where you had left him. Their eyes follow him all the way out of the library before looking back at you and then refocusing on their own homework. You know they want to ask you what Sirius wanted but your demeanor says you aren’t talking about it now, and maybe never. 

---

“What did you yell at my brother about?” Regulus asks you as you sit down next to him at dinner. 

“Hm?” 

“People are saying you yelled at Sirius and his friends yesterday. I think you scared a first year.”

“Reminded him that he’s a piece of shit.”

“What did he do this time?” 

You give Regulus an intrigued look. “Why are you so interested?”

“My best friend chewing my own flesh and blood a new one? You’re kidding, right?”

“He came and talked to her in the library earlier,” Pandora adds, leaning forward.

Regulus turns fully toward you. 

“First you yell at him and now he’s coming to talk to you? Darling?”

“Toldhimoffforleavingyou.” You have never spoken more quickly and quietly in your life. 

“You did what?” Regulus gasps. Of course he understood you. 

“He shouldn’t’ve and you know it,” you say, pointing your fork at Regulus before going to stab another piece of food. “Someone had to let him know and you obviously weren’t going to do it.”

“Because it was his choice.” 

“Exactly. He chose to leave. He didn’t have to. He should’ve known better.”

“So you told him off. For me.”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t have to…” You see Regulus’ gaze drift over to where Sirius was sitting at the Gryffindor table and he frowns. “Maybe you shouldn’t have.”

You bite the inside of your bottom lip. It was easy to hide behind Regulus being your best friend as the sole reason, but yelling at Sirius had been cathartic. You finally got some sense of revenge for him abandoning you in first year. It felt so good to get that off your chest, at least in front of Sirius’ friends. 

“It wasn’t just for you,” you mumble, half hoping that Regulus didn’t hear you.

“Then for who else?” Pandora asks.

Regulus turns back to you. He waits for your answer.

“For me.”

“For you?” Regulus repeats.

“I, uh, I was his friend before I was yours.”

Dorcas snorts from next to Pandora. “Bitch, when? You could barely look at him in first year and then Regulus was here.”

“Before Hogwarts. We live near each other.”

“He never mentioned a friend,” Regulus says softly.

“Okay, but then what happened? You’ve talked more in the past twenty four hours than the past six years,” Dorcas says.

“He said we weren’t friends anymore and yeah, that was that.”

Your friends all stare at you, each with a different expression on their face. 

“Excuse me, what?” Dorcas asks. 

You shrug. There wasn’t anything more to say; you could’ve mentioned that Sirius told you all about life at home, but you felt that was implied enough for Regulus. 

“And you never talk?” Pandora adds.

“Huh,” is all Regulus says. 

“So yelling at him was a little for me too. But the purpose was for you, Reg. He knows he shouldn’t’ve left.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Regulus asks.

“I didn’t think it really mattered. The Sirius I was friends with wasn’t Sirius Black. He was just Sirius and I was just Y/N. We weren’t wizards. We were just kids at a park. And then everything changed and the past was the past.”

“Kids at a park…” Regulus mutters, putting two and two together. “The one you said you visit often?”

You nod. 

“I suppose… that makes sense…” He’s speaking slowly as he is still processing the fact that you knew Sirius and were friends before he had even met you. “And he was the one who left you?”

You nod again. He hums and puts his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

“That’s his loss and my gain, I guess.”

You sigh in relief. Some part of you had thought Regulus would be furious that you hadn’t disclosed your previous friendship with his brother. Although, in your defense, like you had said, the Sirius you knew wasn’t Regulus’ brother. That Sirius had been an only child and a muggle. And if you could have had your way six years ago, you would’ve had both Black brothers as your friends. 

---

Once again, what you had said kept Sirius up at night. 

Were. Were. Were.

You were important to me.

He knew he was the reason he no longer was important to you. He had been the one to push you away. He had never found himself regretting it until now. As he goes through the next day’s classes, he wonders how he managed six years of ignoring you. You’re in almost every class he has. Your voice and laughter draw his attention. He never realized how much he missed hearing both, and even more so, being the cause of the laugh. 

The rest of the Marauders aren’t oblivious to Sirius watching you, but they don’t say anything to him. They don’t understand how close the two of you had been before he ruined it. And they don’t understand that your yelling had really got in his head. That you coming to him, instead of listening to his command, forced him to realize how much he missed you and your friendship. He missed you and needed to fix it. He saw that he made a dire mistake pushing you away. 

It takes him time to wrap his head around everything. After a week of trying to dissect your words in his head on his own, he swallows his pride and asks for help.

“What does it mean if someone says you were important to them?” Sirius asks, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. 

“You need a grammar lesson? Okay.” Remus says. “Were. Used to be. Past tense. No longer important.”

“Is it a lost cause though?”

“Is what a lost cause?”

“Can you re-become important to someone?”

“I suppose it depends on what happened to make you unimportant to them.” Remus pauses, looking over Sirius. “Is this about Y/N?” 

Sirius nods. He knows that Remus would be looking at him to see it.

“‘Fraid I don’t know enough about that to really say, Pads. She sounded beyond pissed at you.”

“How do I get her to see that I had to leave and taking Regulus with me wasn’t really an option?”

“You think James’ parents wouldn’t have taken him in too?”

“No, they would have. I don’t think Reg would have come with. Certainly not easily.”

“Did you ask him?”

“No. What if he told Mum what I was going to do? I was able to get out because I had surprise on my side.”

Remus thinks for a moment before responding. “When did y/n say that?”

“Last week, after she yelled at me. I went back to ask about Reg.”

Remus doesn’t say anything. Once again, he needs more information. 

“She said Regulus is important to her. And I was.”

“And you want to change that?”

“The part about me, yes. I don’t mind that she cares for Reg. It’s… good he has someone. That he has her, of all people.”

Remus shakes his head and tries to stifle a laugh. Sirius looks over at him when he hears. 

“What?”

“Padfoot, it’s really quite simple. I think you need to talk to her. Apologize for being an idiot. Maybe a bit of groveling. See if she has ideas on how you can help Regulus,” he says. “Girls like it when guys admit they were wrong. And you were wrong. Very. Extremely.”

“Shut up, Moony. I know. I know I was wrong.” He takes a breath. “And it’s hit me how much I miss her. I don’t know how I managed six years without her.”

“Tell her that. While you’re groveling on your knees. Begging.”

“Don’t make it sound so pathetic.”

“Can I come with to watch? I think it is going to be pathetic and that’s something I need to witness.”

“So you can tell everyone?”

“So I can tell everyone.”

---

Sirius corners you in the library. Well, not quite corners you. He finds you at a table alone. He sits next to you and turns your chair so you’re facing him.

“I was working,” you hiss at him. 

“I need to talk to you.”

“Again?”

“Yes, again.”

“You only have a few minutes. Regulus is meeting me here after Quidditch practice. You need to be gone when he gets here.”

“Actually, I need to talk to him too. But you’re first.”

You narrow your eyes at him and cross your arms. You wait for him to talk. 

“Okay. This is long overdue. I’m sorry.”

You scoff. “Sorry for what?”

“I wasn’t finished,” he says. “I’m sorry for pushing you away when we were first years. And for never talking to you. Never going back to the park. I was selfish and stupid. I still am stupid. The biggest idiot you’ve ever met.”

“I could’ve told you that, Black.”

He briefly purses his lips together at his last name.

“Continuing my idiocy, this is going to sound even more stupid. I didn’t realize how much I actually missed you until you yelled at me. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I don’t know how I survived the last six years without you. I need you in my life.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise. “You missed me? Bit too late to be confessing that, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I know it is. That’s how stupid I am! Six years and being called a dipshit to get my head out of my arse.”

Your glare softens ever so slightly.

“So I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

“Okay.” 

“Can I try to explain something? Do I have time?”

You sigh and lean backwards to see the clock. 

“You have time.”

He smiles before his expression becomes serious again.

“I thought the only way to escape them was to leave on my own. To disappear out of the blue. If they had an inkling that I would actually leave, they might’ve stopped me. That’s why I didn’t say anything to Regulus. I wasn’t sure he’d want to come with, especially to the Potters’. I know I need to talk to Regulus on my own. But I want to try to fix it. I need to work on fixing my relationships with the Slytherins I never should’ve let leave my life.”

“I don’t think he would’ve said anything. Probably wouldn’t’ve gone with you, but he wouldn’t’ve been so goddamn blindsided.” You pause. “I don’t know if you can fix these relationships.”

“I need to try. Please. Let me try.” He got out of his chair and on his knees, as Remus suggested. “Please, Y/N. You were my first friend. The best friend I’ve ever had and I ruined it. Please, let me try to fix it.”

You’re looking down at him with wide eyes as Regulus approaches the table.

“What the actual fuck?” he asks. 

Sirius immediately stands up, turning towards his brother.

“Regulus.”

“Sirius.”

“I’m sorry.”

Regulus put his bag down on the table, not breaking eye contact with his brother. 

“Are you now?”

“I should have told you.”

“You should have stayed.”

“I couldn’t.”

Regulus sits down and looks away from his brother and at you. 

“Regulus, I had to leave. I think for the same reasons you feel you need to stay. I know I was the one who left, but I don’t want to lose my brother.”

“You have James.”

“He’s not blood.” You knew it was hard for Sirius to say that. “You always have a place at the Potters’ if you want to leave. It’s okay to leave.”

“My invitation still stands too,” you say, speaking for the first time since Regulus joined you. 

Regulus looks back at his brother and then to you again. He shakes his head.

“What is this?”

“I, uh, I am trying to start mending the bridges I burned with my idiocy,” Sirius says as he slowly sinks back into his chair. He looks at you. “Does he know about us?”

“About what?” Regulus spits. 

“We were friends before Hogwarts. When I would disappear, I was usually with Y/N,” Sirius clarifies and Regulus’ face relaxes.

“Oh, that. Yes, I’m aware.”

You laugh, earning a sharp look from the librarian.

“Reg! Do you really think I’d be dating him without telling you?”

You were important. Sirius feels his face grow hot. 

“Anyways!” Sirius says. “I want a second chance, even though I probably don’t deserve one from either of you.”

You look at Regulus, trying to read his expression. Sirius’ apology to you certainly felt more heartfelt than his to his own brother. Maybe there was a dynamic you weren’t familiar with between them, but you wanted Regulus to answer first. Your loyalty would be to him first. His face is stoney as he looks his brother up and down.

“Will you be better?” Regulus asks after a few seconds.

“I’m going to try. Whatever you need of me, except moving back in.”

“Of course there’s a caveat,” you sigh.

“No, no,” Regulus says, giving you a soft smile. “I wouldn’t ask you to move back in. But write? Keep me in the loop? Don’t prank me?”

“What about a friendly prank? Like something I would do to James, Peter, them.”

“Maybe.”

“And I will write. Daily, if you want. And even if you don’t stay, you’re welcome to visit the Potters’ or we can spend a day in the city or whatever.”

There is so much desperation in Sirius’ voice as he talks to Regulus that you almost feel bad for him. His apology could have used work, but he seems genuinely wanting to reconnect with Regulus outside of their parents’ grasp. 

“And for you?” Sirius asks, turning his attention to you once Regulus seemed satisfied with him.

“What?”

“What will it take for a second chance?”

You look at Regulus, only to find him actively watching you. You can’t tell if he’s encouraging you to give him one or if he’s curious at what you’d require from him. You look back at Sirius with a grim face.

“I don’t know. I was never friends with Sirius Black.”

Sirius gives you a confused and hurt look. “But the park…”

“I was friends with a young boy named Sirius. He didn’t have a last name. He didn’t have a brother at home.” You sigh before continuing. “I suppose if Sirius Black wants to try to be friends, he can try and we’ll go from there.”

“Thank you. Thank you both. I promise I won’t blow it.” A wide smile is adorning his face as he stands up. “I’ll let you two study, but thank you.”

You both watch Sirius leave the library in silence. 

“You think you’ll be able to forgive him?” Regulus asks you as he opens his bag and takes out his homework. 

“We’ll see. That first year was hard. Guess we’ll see how much effort he really puts in. You?”

“If he keeps his word. We can be pleasant then, I think.”

You smile across the table at the younger boy. “You’re kinder to him than I am.”

“Family, you know.”

You roll your eyes. “You damn well know you don’t have to love family.”

“Then I’m choosing to. He’s Sirius. Something about him is loveable.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew he was right.

---

It’s the little things. Sirius started making a point to say hi to you, and to Regulus. Pranks seemed to avoid you. He would approach you in the corridors and the library to chat. You could tell Sirius watched and cheered Regulus on the Quidditch pitch, when Slytherin wasn’t playing Gryffindor. He was taking the baby steps he needed to. 

As much as you tried to hang onto your anger, you couldn’t. It didn’t wash away in one go, but it melted like an ice sculpture without a permafrost enchantment. It probably helped that over Christmas Regulus received the letters he was promised. Both Regulus and Sirius wrote to you, which the latter was more unexpected. They both told you about an adventure into the city that went well, only a few minor tense moments that passed almost as quickly as they appeared. You spent time with Regulus at the park, apparently at Sirius’ suggestion. So when the spring term was starting up and Regulus wasn’t a shell of himself as he had been at the start of the fall term, you really noticed how much effort Sirius had been putting in. He was really trying to not mess up his second chances. 

Sirius finds you sitting in a window seat, reading a book you had gotten for Christmas. He leans against the wall and watches you for a moment. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy seeing you so focused and lost in the pages. 

“Hey,” he says finally,

You look up. The shock of seeing him evident on your face, but you mark your spot and put the book down. 

“Hi.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. What’s up, Sirius?”

You cross your legs so Sirius can sit at the other end of the window seat. 

“If I had invited you to the Potters for a day over break, would you have come?”

You’re taken back by the question. It was unexpected and it felt loaded. 

“I just… I almost invited you. I need to know if I should be kicking myself for chickening out,” he adds when you don’t respond. 

“Honestly, probably not. I don’t know your friends, especially not the Potters. I don’t think James is too fond of me.”

“He’s come around a bit,” Sirius says. You can tell he’s trying to not look too hurt at your denial. “And how will they learn to love you if you don’t come around?”

“Love? Let’s work on simple friends, or acquaintances at school first.”

“Then Hogsmeade? Next weekend? Would you consider coming with us?”

You hesitate. A full day with Sirius and his friends is daunting. You were just beginning to be friends with Sirius. Jumping into his friend group felt like too much. Again, Sirius talks more when you don’t say anything.

“What if it was just me?”

“I’d consider just you.”

“Then I’ll tell the boys I won’t be going with them!” Sirius exclaims happily, jumping up from the seat.

“I said consider!” you call after him, but he’s sprinting down the corridor. 

You did consider it. You thought about it during class and meals. You even talked about it with Regulus, who supported your reformed friendship with Sirius. He said something about the day in London with Sirius was more fun than he’d admit to Sirius so if he has a London day with him, you need a Hogsmeade day. And then you considered it and thought about it more. 

You kept doing so until you hadn’t said no and were waiting for Sirius by the ground gates to walk to Hogsmeade. It was cold and snowing and Sirius was a little late. You pull your cloak tighter around your body. You can’t help but smile when you catch a glimpse of Sirius running toward you while attempting to tie his scarf.

“I’m late, I know! Please don’t hold it against me!”

You laugh at him as he huffs.

“Oh, just let me,” you say, grabbing his scarf that wasn’t remotely tied in a way to keep him warm. 

You tie it for him and tuck the ends into his cloak so they won’t fly in the wind. 

“There. Now let’s go! I’m thinking you owe me a butterbeer for making me wait.”

“If that’s the cost of being late, I can handle that. As much butterbeer as you want.”

Your day with Sirius goes smoothly. Conversations don’t run dry. The camaraderie is just like when you were younger. It’s fun and relaxing. After the Three Broomsticks, he follows you around a bookstore and then you follow him around Zonkos. You end up back in the pub for more butterbeer to warm you up before your walk back to Hogwarts. 

“Did your friends even come to Hogsmeade today? I’m surprised we didn’t run into them,” you say, pulling on your coat. 

“No. Said something about giving us privacy?”

“Do we need privacy?”

“I mean, I did explain that you weren’t ready to be thrown into a day with the Marauders?” 

“Which is true. You have to admit, your group can be a bit much.”

Sirius laughs and holds open the pub door for you as you exit into the cold.

“We can be. I think Zonkos both cringes and celebrates when all four of us walk in. They make sales, but at what cost?”

“That’s the bookstore when I go in with Reg!” you say with a laugh. 

“You know his book collection well?”

You nod. “We’re our own little book club, the two of us. And possibly edging on a library. If you ever take up reading, we got you.”

You lightly run into Sirius with your shoulder. 

“Maybe I’ll have to. Sure would make Remus’ day to see a book in my hands.”

“If you need recommendations, you know where to find me and Regulus.”

You walk for a little bit without talking. Snow is still falling, flakes getting caught in your hair and on your eyelashes. You’re too busy watching where you’re walking to see Sirius sending sideways glances your way every few steps. You’re about halfway back to the castle when he puts his arm out in front of you to stop you.

“Why we stopping?” you ask, a shiver running up your spine as a gust of wind chills you. 

“I’m going to risk my second chance with you.”

It happens before you can process anything. Sirius grabs your face and pulls it closer to his. He presses his lips to yours. He couldn’t help himself. In rekindling your friendship, he realized that something else was caught on fire inside of him. With each letter he sent you, he could only anticipate your response. He had hoped you wouldn’t want to go to Hogsmeade with all of his friends but would accept going with just him. He had been so nervous this morning that it made him late, but you had laughed and fixed his scarf. And then you just looked so beautiful with the white snowflakes in your hair. He couldn’t help himself. 

His eyes search yours for a reaction when he pulls away. You don’t seem angry or upset. 

“Darling?” he asks softly.

“How long?” you ask.

“A few seconds, maybe?”

“Not the kiss. How long have you liked me?”

“Oh. Sometime after you said you’d give Sirius Black a chance. But I think it would’ve been longer if I had never pushed you away.”

You nod, suddenly unable to form words. Your thoughts are running a hundred miles an hour. Sirius had been one of your first and best friends. Today had been a testament to how easy it was to fall back into the friendship with him. It wasn’t like you had ever truly stopped caring for him, nor that you have never imagined what might’ve happened between you if he had stayed. For Regulus’ sake, you always kept your thoughts about Sirius to yourself. You didn’t dare mention anything to Dorcas or Pandora in case someone overheard or they didn’t keep their mouths shut. Now, here you are, with Sirius in front of you, searching for a proper response after he kissed you. A Sirius who begged for forgiveness after being an idiot for six years. A Sirius who said he was going to risk his second chance.

You lean up and give him a quick peck on the lips. He stares at you. 

“We’re lucky I gave you that second chance,” you say with a smile.

“We?” he breathes, leaning forward to rest his forehead against yours.

“We.” 

Sirius kisses you again and is smiling so widely that you think his jaw must hurt.

“I guess I need to tell Reg,” you sigh as you reach to hold Sirius’ hand. 

[reiderwriter]

The Us That Could Have Been

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female BAU Reader

Requested: yes - role reversal of the player!Spencer fic I posted here!

W/C: 5.7k

Summary: They say if you want to get over one man, you have to get under another. Spencer isn't so sure why he dislikes the idea of you doing that quite so much.

Warnings: Mentions of Maeve, spoilers for S8, mentions of minor character deaths, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, angst.

A/N: I'm not going to apologise for this one... Have fun.

Find the rest of my masterlist here.

If you were a genius, you’d know that it took you three hours, twenty-three minutes, and six seconds to fall in love with Spencer Reid. If you were a genius, you’d also know that it took him five years, seven months, twenty-seven days, and two hours to the second for him to break your heart. The thing you were learning about geniuses though, is that they were the most oblivious people on the planet. 

Her name was Maeve, he had told all of you. And he needed your help to save her because he was in love with her. And of course, you went along with it, you tried your best even while your heart was cracked in two because at this point, you couldn’t stand the desperation on his face. The day he told you about her, only days before he died, you cried in the arms of Penelope Garcia for hours, letting her console you as you felt your world get flipped upside down. 

“I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, god, Penelope. Five years, and I knew, I knew that if he liked me like that something would have happened already, but I just…” She rubbed your back as you laid your head on her shoulder, letting your tears fall freely as the sobs wracked through your body. 

“I’ve been in love with him for five years and he never even noticed, and… Penelope he hasn’t seen this girl before and he’s desperate for her. What about me is so unlovable?” Your voice cracked as you broke down again, burying your head in your friend's arms as you let all the emotions hit you at once. 

“Y/N you listen to me right now. You are not unlovable, you have never been unlovable. If Spencer cannot see what is right in front of him, then he is an idiot. You are the most amazing thing that has happened to him, you’re a great friend, you’re smart, you’re beautiful-” 

“I’m not her. Penelope, I… I want to be her-” She held you as you emptied yourself for hours, crying until you were so physically exhausted that you just couldn’t anymore. You couldn’t say that you stopped crying per se, just that your body ran out of emotions to sustain you. 

“Okay, Y/N, here’s what you’re going to do now,” Penelope said. She’d heard you out for long enough, but she wasn’t going to let you be miserable for long. 

“You’re going to pick yourself up, take care of yourself. Get a haircut, dye your hair, whatever you need to do to get some change. And then you’re going to do your goddamn best to forget him, because if he’s too stupid to realize how special and amazing you are then he really doesn’t deserve you.” You sniffled a bit and nodded at her words. 

“And then, you’re going to get back out there. Y/N, when was the last time you went on a date?” 

“I don’t know it’s been… The last one I can remember was before I entered the BAU. I’ve just been so busy-” 

“Bullshit. You’re going to put yourself back out there and find a man, or multiple men, who actually value you and want you. A wise scholar once said the best way to get over a man is to get under another.” 

–X–

A year later and you’d probably taken Penelope’s words to heart a little bit too much. Maeve had died at the hands of her stalker not even a day later, and you felt terrible for Spencer, but he’d pushed you away, he’d pushed everyone away, so you’d decided she was right. 

Your first date had been a few weeks later, and you’d have liked the fact that you’d taken him back to your place and then immediately kicked him out and never seen him again after that to stay a secret. But the BAU copycat didn’t let any of your business stay within the team for long. He had pictures of you with the first guy, the guy from a week later, and the guy after him as well. By the time you’d figured out who the copycat murderer who’d sent you all Zugzwang-themed threats was, he’d got pictures of you locking lips with five separate one-night stands.

The team had said nothing about it, of course, except Hotch’s private aside asking if any of the men in the pictures needed informing about the situation. You’d had to admit to them that you’d not seen any of them since, and, with no reaction from Spencer, you’d felt almost vindicated in taking this step. 

If he didn’t care then, in those tense months where you were all leaning on each other for support, reeling from the death of Erin Strauss and the attacks on the team, closer than you’d really ever been before, then he wouldn’t ever care. 

The thought was freeing. So you’d kept up with your constant stream of men, not letting them get close enough to hurt you in the way that Spencer had, using them and discarding them like broken toys, ignoring that maybe it was you that was the broken one. 

It took a year for him to notice it. A year of you coming in with suspicious bruises on your neck that you laughed off, a year of your newfound confidence, a year of your conscious distance for him to notice that he missed you. It was slow at first. In those first few months, he just accepted that of course, you’d been seeing people. He’d assumed from the photographs everyone had seen that you’d been dating the entire time he’d known you, the feeling unsettling him a little, but he thought that was only because he’d never noticed. 

Now it was all he could notice. The way you’d walk in sometimes smelling unfamiliar, having showered at a hookup's place before taking off, the way you were suddenly open to the flirting by the local PDs on your cases. The way a sadness seeped into his chest every time he saw you with someone else. Envy wasn’t a feeling he was familiar with, so it took him stupidly long to name the emotion. 

You were back at O’Keefe’s after a local case successfully closed, and if you were drinking a lot, no one mentioned it. No one except Spencer, who’d made it his objective to keep you safe and by his side the entire night, for reasons he couldn’t even name. It was stifling, having him constantly hovering over you. 

“Spencer, lighten up a bit, have a drink.” You smiled up at him, trying to get him to loosen up so you could escape the way his sudden care was making you feel. The bartender was eyeing you up from his place behind the bar, and while you were usually careful not to get involved with men whom you’d likely run across again, you were throwing caution to the wind that day. 

“I’ll have a drink if you drink some water and slow down a bit, Y/N.” He handed you the glass he’d retrieved earlier and you sipped it slowly, squirming under the care in his gaze. He ordered a drink, and you eyed up the bartender as he did so, pushing Spencer’s hand off your hip as he approached, offering him a smile. He looked between you and the unfamiliar man, and felt a cold flash in his veins, waiting for his drink and then pulling you away back to the table with the rest of your friends, tangling your hand with his. 

You pulled out of his grip but followed him dutifully. He guided you into your seat quickly, brushing your hair out of your eyes before falling back into conversation with the rest of the team. You hated the way he could still make your heart stutter, still have you feeling hot all over from a single touch, and you felt trapped in the booth, screaming for a way out. 

Your chance came an hour later, when he excused himself to the bathroom, and you excused yourself as well, running back up to the bar. When he came back, you were gone.

“Where is Y/N?” He asked with a scowl, cursing himself for letting his eyes off you for even a second when you’d drank so much that night, having come back to suggest you turn in for the night, getting ready to offer you a ride home. 

“Y/N? By now, she’s either in the back room with the bartender or she’s convinced him to get off early and head back to hers,” Morgan chuckled, taking a swig of his drink. “Took her only two minutes of conversation to have him inviting her out the back entrance, she’s been gone for like five minutes now. 

The constricted feeling settled in his chest again, as his scowl deepened. Not knowing why he was feeling so goddamn destroyed by that statement, he let his head hang and left the bar himself, taking himself outside to get in his car and go home. Unbeknownst to him, you watched him leave from the alley behind the bar, the bartender placing open-mouthed kisses on your exposed neck as you buried your worryingly consistent feelings in the scent of bourbon and lust. 

The next week is rough for both of you. You laugh and play along with Morgan’s jokes about your game, keeping an eye out for him the entire time and ending all the conversations as you feel him enter the room or step closer. It doesn’t stop him from hearing it all, though, all the details about your sex life tormenting him, as he boils with anger at how wreckless you’re being with your constant stream of guys. 

“Mama, you were on fire last week. Took you only two minutes to disappear with that guy, you’re going to have to let me in on your secrets,” Morgan laughed from his perch on your desk. 

“Sorry, a magician never reveals her secrets, and what I do is definitely magic.” Your tone was suggestive and set the man off in a booming laugh, but with your back to the door, you hadn’t heard Spencer’s entrance. 

“The secret is that men are more accepting of casual hook-ups with strangers than women,” he snapped at you both, beginning to ramble as you both looked up at him in shock. 

“Okay, kid, I was just joking-”

“When surveyed over 75% of men said they would be willing to have sex with a complete stranger, vs. 0% of women, and while that’s just one study, there are multiple others that I could quote that have similar results.” 

“Spencer,” you chastised him, but he didn’t stop.

“What? Did you want to know when posing the question of an affair to people in a relationship that 18% of men reacted positively to having casual sex with a stranger, and surprisingly 4% of women also reacted in the affirmative? Did you ask that guy if he had a girlfriend before you fell into his bed, Y/N?” 

“Okay, that’s enough, Spencer, take a walk. I don’t know what’s up with you today, but that was out of line. Hotch is looking for you in his office.” The words came from Morgan, but he kept his eyes locked with yours as he was scolded, memorizing the look of pain in your eyes as he finally backed away. 

He didn’t know why he did it. He knew it would hurt you, and yet he continued anyway, even after you’d begged him to stop. He was hurt, and he didn’t know why, and he didn’t think he had any reason to be hurt, and somehow it was all because you’d been in the back of his mind constantly for as long as he could remember. 

–X– 

“Okay, girl’s night, my place, tomorrow night. There are no cases, and I managed to get Hotch to agree to let us put our phones on silent for the night, so it’s just me, you, JJ, and Blake, a bottle of wine and some good old-fashioned girl talk, what do you say?” Penelope asked you gleefully in the break room one day as you both prepared your drinks for a busy day of paperwork ahead. 

“I’m sorry, Pen, I have plans already.” You grinned up at her as she pouted, promising to make it up to her another time. You didn’t offer an explanation though, just excusing yourself back to your desk and letting her know that you’d make it up to her another time. 

Reid took your place as soon as you vacated it. Almost obsessively, he’d been following you around like a lost puppy since he’d exploded on you the other day. 

“I know you said girls’ night but… Could... Could I come? I think I need some uh, girl talk?” He asked Penelope, an awkward, embarrassed look on his face as he smiled tensely. If anyone knew what was wrong with him, recently, it would be them. 

Last year, he’d have said it was you, but the distance he’d felt recently, combined with the fact that he was almost 90% sure you were the root of his problems had him desperate for other opinions. 

“Oh. Are you sure, Spencer, we’ll be talking about all kinds of gross women stuff?” 

“I was raised by a single mother. I’m sure nothing you say could gross me out. Please?” She nodded her approval telling him what time to get there and to bring his beverage of choice, knowing he didn’t really drink wine all that much if he could help it. 

He turned up twenty minutes late, after spending a great deal of time pacing outside of Penelope’s apartment building wondering if he had any right to unburden himself on them like this. Pacing he wondered whether you’d actually showed up despite your mysterious plans and whether this had been all for naught anyway. 

When he eventually knocked on the door, Penelope opened it and greeted him with a warm hug. “We were wondering when you were going to knock on the door, one more minute and we were going to come out to get you.” 

JJ stood up to hug him, wine glass in her hand, and Blake offered him a wave from her perch on the couch. He took off his scarf and coat and accepted the glass of water Penelope offered him, settling into a chair opposite the three women. 

“Penelope said you wanted advice about something?” Blake was the first to enquire, the three of them getting straight into it, not letting him chicken out of it. 

“Yeah, I think so. Lately, I’ve been having these, I don’t know, weird feelings…” 

“Oh god, I thought I was a few years out from having the talk with someone,” JJ joked, but Penelope shushed her quickly after a quick snicker, letting him continue. 

“I’ve been… I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been acting really weird around Y/N, and I can’t figure out why.” He finally pushed the words out, feeling a weight off his chest at the confession. 

“You can’t?” The room was silent for a minute as they looked at each other, and he looked at them looking at each other, wondering what it was exactly that he’d missed. 

“Yeah? I don’t know, every time I see her I just want to, I don’t know, have her attention on me, even if I have to say something a little mean to get it. And in the bar that time, I was so, I don’t know hurt, I guess, when she disappeared without saying goodbye.” 

They just listened to him go on, not stopping to interrupt him, so he continued. 

“And there’s been this weird distance between us lately, and I guess it’s been there for a while, but I miss her, but she’s still there. I can still talk to her, and I can still spend time with her but I miss her all the time.”

“Spencer,” Blake said with a soft voice. “Since when have you been feeling like this?” 

“I don’t know, I guess it started after everything happened with Strauss and the copycat in New York. But she’s always been… I don’t know, closer than most people? But every time I think we’re getting back to normal recently, she pulls away again and there’s this… void where she should be.”

JJ put her drink down and leaned a little closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“Spencer, I think you might be in love with her.” He considered the words for a moment, before getting ready to dismiss them. 

“No, love is a good emotion, this doesn’t feel good, it feels… ugly.” Blake stared at him sympathetically, calmly talking him around. 

“Spencer, think about it. You’re protective over her, you don’t like seeing her with other people, this all started right around the time the copycat sent those pictures of her with other people. It is love, and it’s jealousy, too.” 

The words hit him like a tonne of bricks as he suddenly felt the full force of his words. He was in love with you. 

“Oh god, what do I do?” He held his head in his hands, and Penelope scoffed a little from her seat, the rest of them turning to look at him.  

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to figure this one out on your own genius.” She said with a slightly sharp tone, and even the girls sent her questioning stares as she continued. 

“You don’t just get to decide that you want her after all this time, not after how you’ve been treating her these last few months.” She turns her head away a little bit and sips her drink, her tough-love approach leaving him slightly defeated.  

“Penelope, do you know something?” Blake asks firmly, trying to coax some answers out of her. 

“If I did, I’d be under a strict oath not to tell anyone. And I wouldn’t want to considering how much pain she was in when she made me swear never to tell anyone.” It was clear from the tone of her voice that she really wanted to say something though, the words desperate to spill out. 

“Penelope, your loyalty is commendable, but don’t you think what you have to say could help both of them?” JJ quietly coaxed out of her, and she finally gave in. 

“Okay, but if you hurt her, Spencer Reid, I will never forgive you ever again.” He nodded quickly, hanging onto her every word. 

“Think about what else happened a year ago.” She encouraged him, and for a moment, he was coming up blank.  

“A year ago? We were in the middle of the copycat case. Strauss had just been killed. We were close to being pulled off the case-” 

“You got a girlfriend, Spencer. You came in one day out of the blue and just announced that you were in love with someone you hadn’t met, and you didn’t realize that you were torturing her.” Penelope tried really hard not to snap at him, but his ignorance of your feelings was frustrating, to say the least.  

“What Penelope is trying to say, Spencer, is that we think Y/N was in love with you, too,” JJ added, softening the blow. “And finding out you didn’t feel the same way so suddenly was, well it was a shock to all of us really.”

“What Penelope is trying to say is that she spent six hours with me crying into this couch, and then picked herself up and helped you try to save the woman you had chosen over her. So yeah, she’s been a bit distant, but can you really blame her?” 

“She… She was in love with me?” His heart stopped for a second, dropping to the pit of his stomach as he thought back to those days, how you’d acted around him, the smiles that hadn’t reached your eyes, the reassurances that he’d brushed off, so desperate to help Maeve. 

“Honestly, until you told us about Maeve, I thought you two had something going on,” Blake added. 

“We used to have an office bet when Emily was around about which of the two of you would confess first,” JJ admitted shyly. 

“Oh, god.” He let his head hang a little in shame. “Do you… do you think she still feels the same?” 

They shared another glance at each other again, and he panicked trying desperately to decode whatever it was that had just passed between them. 

“Look, we shouldn’t profile each other but… It’s not a coincidence that all of her hookups tend to happen after you pay her some attention.” Blake observed, letting Reid fill in the blanks of her statement.

“That might be my fault actually, I told her the best way to get over you is to get under someone else.” 

“I don’t want her under someone else,” he stated then, cutting himself off before he could say anything else too damning.  

“She’s not here tonight, why isn’t she here?” He panicked looking frantically around the room for answers, but none of them knew really.  

“She said she had plans, but she didn’t tell me what they are.” 

“Do you think she’s… do you think she’s with…” He couldn’t finish the thought, instead bolting upright and gathering his things. 

“I need to go.” He let out, as the women cheered behind him, finally happy that he was taking action. Penelope shouted your address at him as he left as if he didn’t already have it memorized, running out in the rain, his feet carrying him to your apartment.  

He saw the light on when he approached, thankful that you were still there, and bounded up the stairs to your floor, not giving himself time to second guess this before he pounded on your door.  

You pulled the door open, a confused look on your face as you greeted him, his chest heaving, water dripping down his face. He looked like a mess. 

“Are you alone?” He gasped out, having to pause between each word to catch his breath.  

“Spencer, what are you doing-” The breath left your body as he leaned into you, catching you around the hips and walking you back into your apartment, your back hitting the wall behind you as he rested his forehead against your own, chest still desperately drawing in oxygen. 

“Please, please tell me right now if there’s someone here with you. If there is, I’ll leave, if there isn’t…” His gaze fell to your lips and your entire body lit up, the haze of your confusion finally lifting as you took in each of his words. His lips moved forward, seconds from connecting with your own when his question was finally answered.  

“Y/N? Who is it?” The voice was male, and it was coming from your living room, but it was all Spencer needed to know as he detangled himself from you, pushing his wet hair out of his face and putting some distance between you two, muttering apologies as he backed out of the door again. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… I’m sorry,” he said, quickly turning away from you and leaving your apartment quickly. 

“Spencer, wait-” You tried to yell after him, but it was too late. He had disappeared into the night, as quickly as he came. 

You returned to the living room, cursing yourself for not answering quickly enough as you crawled back into the seat you’d just left. 

“What was all that?” Your brother asked from his perch, shoveling popcorn into his mouth in a way that had you somehow even more pissed at him for the simple fact of his existence.  

“That was Spencer. He… God, I think he thinks I’m in here with a guy.” 

–X– 

The next few days at work were tense, as you desperately tried everything to catch his eye. But you weren’t sure why you were putting in so much effort. He was the one who had burst into your apartment and practically begged you for your attention, why were you now the one chasing him?

Needless to say, you took your frustrations straight to Penelope Monday morning. 

“And then he left without letting me explain that it was my brother, and he hasn’t talked to me once this morning, he keeps running away from me and I don’t even know what the fuck it was he was trying to gain from all that and- ughh he is so dense.”

Penelope had sensed the oncoming disaster the moment she’d seen your social media post about your brother’s visit Saturday morning, and you only confirmed all her fears as you unloaded onto her. She silently cursed Spencer as well, and once she’d given you some reassurance and reminded you that you had some case files on your desk that were urgent and distracting enough to calm you down, she practically lept from her seat to hunt Reid down.  

“Spencer Reid, you get your ass in my office right this second,” she whisper screamed at him in the breakroom, his sunken eyes showing that his jump to conclusions had left him in a poor emotional state. He jolted at her words, as she watched to see if you noticed the two of them before practically frog-marching him off down the hall.  

“What the hell happened? We sent you off to confess your feelings, and you what? Pin her to the wall and breathe down her neck before running off with your tail between your legs?” 

He looked down guiltily before replying. “She had a guy there, Penelope, I didn’t want to… I didn’t want to get rejected like that.” 

“She did not have a guy there, Spencer, she had her brother there.” She pulled up your post on her phone and thrust it in his face as she watched his eyes go wide at his own stupidity, clutching the phone as he read your words.  

“And if you weren’t a coward, you’d have stayed and told her even if she did actually have someone over.” 

He’d since tuned out her words though, the crushing weight of his almost-confession that had been stuck to him since the weekend dissipating slowly. 

“This is her brother?” He looked up at you again, desperate to confirm the words she’d already said. 

“Yes. You’d know that if you weren’t such a technophobic freak. I love you but this is the 21st Century and you’re an idiot.” 

“Yeah, I am.” He handed her the phone back and slunk out of the office, and back to his desk. He had a chance to try again, and he wasn’t going to fuck it up this time. 

–X– 

You didn’t know how you knew that night, but when you heard the knock at your door, you knew it was him. 

You hesitated before reaching for the door handle, pulling it open, and confirming your suspicions. 

“Hi.” You said, and he returned the greeting with a mumble of his own before the two of you fell into silence again. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something else, but couldn’t, instead letting his gaze fall to your lips. You heard the hidden question in his look and opened the door a little wider. 

It took only a moment for him to come crashing into you, hands holding your face as his lips met yours in a passionate embrace, drinking you in as again walked you back into your apartment, not even breaking away as he closed the door behind you.  

You wrapped your arms up and around his neck, as you let his hands fall to your hips, your chest, your ass, exploring every part of your body he could reach as you stood caught up in each other. In your desperation for each other, you hit walls, and bumped into tables, finally stopping at your kitchen island as he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he started pressing kisses down the hollow of your neck. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered between kisses. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was your brother and I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, and I’m sorry I’ve been so weird recently.” You pulled his face back up to your own claiming his lips in yours once again, swallowing each of his other apologies. 

He pulled away again, looking at you tenderly as he lifted you into his arms and gently carried you into your room, laying you down on your bed. 

“I love you,” he whispered, and the words broke you. You’d spent five years practically begging him to say them, and another year since trying to bury even the very idea of him feeling the same way deep inside you. Tears fell from your eyes and he kissed each one of them away, muttering confessions into your skin. 

“I love you, please don’t cry.” 

“I love you, you’re so beautiful.” 

“I love you and I’m so so sorry.” You pushed him away again slightly, regaining enough of your composure to finally talk again. 

“I need to know that you’re serious, Spencer. I can’t… I can’t do this if you’re not totally sure, because it will destroy me.” Your voice broke as the words stumbled over the knot in your throat, your hands balled into his shirt, legs still wrapped around him. 

“I’m serious. I don’t want to hurt you ever again.” He pressed his lips back into yours again, and you let the kiss deepen, lips slanting over each other in desperation as the need to be joined overtook your body. 

He lifted your skirt, trailing a hand between the two of you as he checked your arousal. You could feel his cock pressing into your thigh, desperate to be freed from it’s restraints. He began kissing his way down your naval, but you pulled him back up.  

“No, I need you now. There will be time for that later, but if you don’t do this now I think I’ll drive myself mad with wanting.” His lips reconnected with yours again as you began divesting yourselves of clothing, and within another two minutes, he was pressing into you, muttering more adoring serenades into your skin as he began catching the tears escaping your eyes again. 

“Yes, Spencer, more please,” you moaned underneath him, legs tight around him as he began thrusting into you with a ferocity you hadn’t felt from him before. It was tender, but you were both desperate, after months of separation, to come back into one another. 

Your lips and teeth clashed together as you let the room echo with your moans, his moans, and the sound of your skin slapping against each other. His forehead came to rest against your own as he grew closer to his release, lips disconnecting as you just stared into each other's eyes in that moment, seeing each other truly for the very first time. 

“Y/N, I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum.” He pressed down into you harder, looking down to the place where you were joined and letting out a whispered curse as he watched you take every inch of him. His hips stuttered then, and you felt your own climax reach you as you felt him release into you, his lips softly tracing your own as you breathed each other in again. 

He pulled out and immediately went to work making sure you were comfortable, propping you up on the bed, making sure the pillows behind you were plump and soft, and running off to find something to clean yourself up with. You watched him silently, again brushing some of the tears from your eyes. 

“How do you feel?” He said shyly as he returned, having pulled his pants back on at least as he bought you a glass of water. You offered him a small smile and a thank you as you replied. 

“I think… I think we need to talk, Spencer.” You said, not meeting his eyes as he looked down at you attentively. 

“Why did you come tonight, Spencer?” You asked, voice so quiet you resisted the urge to repeat the question, knowing that he heard you perfectly clearly, 

“I needed to tell you how I feel. It’s been staring me in the face for six years, and I somehow didn’t know, but once I did I just… I needed you to know.” You nodded at his words, standing still in front of you on the bed as you swung your legs off and asked him to pass you your nightdress back. You pulled it on over your head as you asked him your next question. 

“Why did you run away the other day?” 

“I didn’t know it was your brother, Y/N, I should’ve-”

“It shouldn’t have mattered who it was. If you love me, you should fight for me, right? The way you fought for Maeve.” Your tears start falling again as you open the wound that brought you this far. 

“Y/N, that was… That was different-” You can hear the panic in his voice as he tries to come up with the words to explain himself. 

“Spencer, if.. If it’s different then I think you should leave. If you don’t love me the same way you loved her, then there’s no point starting something.” 

“Y/N, please.” 

“No, Spencer. I have spent six years of my life filled with nothing but love for you. I wake up and think about you, I go to bed and you’re still there in the back of my mind. My every action is informed by your presence and I am so, so tired. So if you do not feel the same way, you need to turn around and leave this apartment.” 

The silence between you is thick, as you stare up at him through your tears, face stern as you push him away. 

He gathers his things. Moves towards the door and doesn’t say anything, and just as you’re about to break down, to let the sob burst from your chest in an agonized wail, you hear your front door close behind him, and you’re left alone in the empty apartment, stuck in the purgatory of your love for him, unable to move an inch. 

[imfinereallyy]

Spooky Spouse🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️

happy spooky season :) this is for my mutuals @cranberrymoons @penny00dreadful @theheadlessphilosopher @vthx who when I asked about when we think steddie bday's was, it derailed into well...this. And it was too hard to resist.

v brief mention of nsfw

"You want to what?"

Eddie stares at Steve excitedly, practically vibrating in his spot across from Steve in the kitchen.

"We should get married on Halloween!" Eddie shouts.

Steve lets his glasses slide down the bridge of his nose as he looks at his very manic, albeit very cute, fiance. "Babe, I love you, and for that, I am going to hear you out—"

"Love you too." Eddie interrupts softly.

Steve's mouth curves at the edges; he's sure he has what Robin has claimed as his 'lovesick' smile on his face. "—but why would you want to get married on your birthday?"

Suddenly, Eddie's excitement switches into an embarrassed blush. Hiding behind a finger spun around a soft curl, he mumbles, "...about that..."

Steve sighs and leans back in his chair. He feels the familiar ache in the bottom of his back, scarred road rash that never quite healed right in 86'. If he sits too long in one spot, Steve finds himself fidgety and unsettled.

He wonders briefly if he can convince Eddie to give him a massage later.

Eddie's embarrassment shifts for a moment to concern, eyes wondering where Steve's back meets the base of the old wooden chair they found on 74th Street two years ago. Steve knows Eddie had liked the way the chair creaked like Steve's knee, and that was reason enough to bring it home. Now, though, with the way Eddie holds his breath to see if the familiar creak of the chair will mix with the sounds of Steve's young bones aging, Steve knows he won't have to do any convincing at all.

"I'm okay, Eds. You were saying."

Eddie's face blooms red again. "Okay, only if you promise not to be mad."

"That is never a good sign."

Eddie bites his lip, "What if I told you that my birthday isn't really on Halloween?"

Steve stares blankly, "I know I've had a few knocks on the head, Eds, but I'm pretty sure you can change your name, not your birthday. Having a wedding doesn't mean you get to move your birthday."

"Well!" Eddie jumps, this time with more anxious energy, "You see, that's what I mean; we wouldn't have to move my birthday if we got married on Halloween."

"Okay, you lost me. Am I concussed again? Did we go too hard last night? I know you said you were 'gonna fuck me so good I would forget my name,' but I'm pretty sure this isn't what you meant."

Eddie takes a deep breath before getting on his knees in front of Steve, taking his hand into his own. "Stevie, I mean that I lied. My birthday isn't Halloween. It's actually in February."

"What."

"You said you wouldn't be mad!"

Steve snorts but gives Eddie's hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm pretty sure I actually said that 'wasn't a good sign'. I never agreed not to be mad."

"We both know it means the same thing to you." Eddie huffs.

Steve's lovesick smile is back again, despite knowing he should be mad. "You're telling me you've convinced everyone your birthday is on Halloween?"

"...well, everyone but Wayne." Eddie's smile turns sheepish.

"Jesus Christ Eds."

Eddie jumps up from his knees back to his feet. Steve can hear Eddie's ankle crack at the sudden change. He keeps a hold on Steve's hand. "Listen, I had good reason. I love Halloween; I should be a Halloween baby. My death was almost by bats; I mean, by that logic, it's almost full circle."

"I feel like you're D&D'ing me into logic that doesn't make sense. Eddie, are you trying to make it worse?"

Eddie throws his head back and groans, "No. I'm just—I love Halloween. It feels wrong not to have something important on that day."

"So you decided to change your birthday? Ed's that's not legal."

Eddie's excitement comes back tenfold, giving Steve whiplash. "Well, neither is our wedding! So it's perfect! Honestly, very metal of us to be fighting the law on such an amazing day." Eddie's arms flap around in excitement, making their conjoined hands move messily throughout the air.

Steve wants to be mad; he really does. But he can't help it; he just loves this idiot too much. "Fine, we can get married on Halloween."

"Really?!"

Steve stands, bringing his lips to Eddie's hand, then gently to his lips. He murmurs against his mouth, "On two conditions."

Eddie nips Steve's lip, "Anything, baby."

"One." Steve starts, sliding his tongue into Eddie's mouth, just to be a brat, before pulling back. Eddie groans but doesn't protest. He knows that this is the rare occasion it's his turn to be punished. "You have to tell everyone the truth about your birthday."

"Yep, fine. You got it." Eddie grabs Steve by the back of his neck and pulls him back. Consuming him greedily, Steve gives in to the distraction for a moment. Loving the feeling of Eddie's heat pressed against his own.

Steve pulls back reluctantly, a trail of spit connecting the two of them. Eddie whines and paws at Steve's hips, trying to draw him back. "Two, you have to tell me when your actual birthday is."

The heat clears from Eddie's eyes and the sheepish look returns. "Uh..."

Steve starts to remove himself from Eddie, but Eddie scrambles to bring him back against his chest. "Fine. Fine, I'll tell you."

Steve leans his forehead against Eddie's, patiently waiting for him to spill.

"It's February 14th."

Steve's eyes go wide, "Oh, Jesus fucking Christ."

**

this spiraled form all of us being convinced eddie would lie and say his bday is on Halloween. to my mutals, sorry I didn't tag you all it got to long, but this was for you guys ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[catyo90]

I already lost you once...

Warning: Logan x F!Reader (Smut) Minors DNI)

In your universe, your Logan was taken from you, not his life, but his memories. He was made to forget who you were by Stryker, one bullet was all it look for him to forget everything about you. And you were tortured every night and day by it. The moment you tried to fix it, to get the life you had with him back for good. The TVA erased you. Took your home, friends, family and lover away with no way of getting out.

That was years ago. You wondered through the void all alone, sometimes running into variants. In that time you never stopped trying to get back to him, that was until you found out your Logan was long since dead, when you met Laura, she was from the same universe as you. She told you everything and offered you to join her and a small band of others to survive in this cruel world.

What choice did you have, little did you know that one day. You would get your chance to see him again.

-

You woke up grabbing your long black cloak with a matched pair of dark green tube top and army pants, you looked at yourself in the broken mirror, the cold dogs tags you held onto for a moment before leaving. You walked out over hearing Gambit speaking to someone about drinking his whiskey. You sighed as you stood in the doorway, you froze in place as you saw a Deadpool variant looking over to you with curiosity.

"Whoa, and who is this fem fetal who looks like a early 2000s spice girl, which one are you? Oh oh let me guess, Foxy Spice, no wait that doesn't work, oh.." His voice faded as you looked past him, after so long you almost couldn't believe it.

"Logan...?"

His eyes widened a bit as he turned around, and he looked like he had seen a ghost, hell in his world you were, along with everyone else. Everyone was silent, even Deadpool was for once was quiet as he had both hands on his face realizing the look you both shared as you walked up to Logan.

"Y/n..."

You looked into his eyes and saw in them nothing but pain and anguish. The sight of you being alive and well was almost too much for him. And the sound of your name coming off his lips made you shiver. it had been so long since you heard your name said like that.

'I'm a little surprised you know me..." He stepped a little closer as you spoke seeing the same dog tags he wore in his early years. He never would give those away lightly. He knew what you meant to him in your universe. You looked over your shoulder at the others and whispered to Logan.

"We will speak later..." you looked up at him as he nodded in agreement. But before you stepped away you felt him grab your wrist for a moment, you saw his fingers wrap around to touch your pulse. He just needed to know you were actually here and alive and not a damn illusion or hallucination. He let your wrist go as you walked over to Gambit and spoke with him for a moment. Wade snuck in and whispered to Logan.

"If you were waiting for the opportune time to finally get some action in the last 200 years of your life...that was it."

"Will you shut the hell up?!"

"Never. For I am Marvel Jesus and my words are holy."

Logan rolled his eyes as he took another bottle of whiskey as he listened to the made up plan Wade made half assed. As he leaned against the wall chugging down the bottle his eyes couldn't help but wonder to you, and neither could you. Both your glances would met causing you to blush and him to smirk to himself knowing all too well the effect he was having on you.

-

After the plan was formed and the sun was beginning to set, Blade and gambit decided to have a few drinks together as Elektra was sharpening her twin blades as she watched Laura practicing on the dummies with her own blades. You on the other hand were looking around for Logan, you closed your eyes using your seismic sense, you could see the vibrations in everyone movements and could differ who was who from the the difference is each one, not even Wade was able to surprise you as he popped out form behind leaning a arm against the doorway.

"You looking for a certain beast."

"More like I already found him. Wade. Can I ask you a question about him?"

"Yes, he likes the rough play."

"How do you...never mind..."

'Oh come now child, all confessions to the Marvel Jesus shall be heard."

"Why is he with you?"

Wade was silent as he looked around like he could get stabbed any moment. He moved you into the hall and spoke carefully.

"In his world he's the fucking worst, like everyone died, but now he's here trying to fix it with me cause I made an educated wish. He knows how to save people. And we need him."

"An educated wish?"

"yeah yeah I know. but listen... he spoke of you, and how the last thing he saw that made him loss all hope was seeing you dead in his arms. In my world he was the definition of a hero, and now...we are gonna fucking fix everything."

You sighed. You sensed this Logan was different, but to know you had died in his world. You looked up at Wade and smiled.

"In my world, he died long ago, but Laura told me everything that happened, how he lost so much, the pain of losing all those he loved. Rose, Kayla, Jean, Atsuko, But no matter what, he kept fighting. Every time he uses those claws he feels physical pain, but every night he is haunted by nightmares. I'm sure this Logan faced many pains like mine. But his eyes were the same. The same eyes I fell in love with."

"Jeez, you sound like a poet now, well why don't you go find him and give him a ballad he will never forget."

"I think he got enough fun time with you in that car, from what Laura says, there was clearly some fun times going on there."

"I never kiss and tell honey." Wade said as heard a whistle seeing Gambit motioning him over for a drink. You smirked as Blade groaned as Wade walked up to them saying how he was gonna show them a good time. Whatever inuendo he meant by that.

You looked outside and saw at the campfire near the car, both Logan and Laura were speaking to each other, you smiled at the sight as you walked over and saw Laura look at you and smiled as she placed a hand on Logan's shoulder. He looked at her and nodded to her as he looked back at the fire in front of him. You flipped your cloak over the log and sat beside him as he offered you the bottle of whiskey for a sip but you declined.

"Not a hard liquor kind of girl."

He smirked as he remembered, it had been so long since he had spoken to you, to see you again after so long. It was almost unnerving for him, but he still was for once is his miserable long life, glad to see you again.

"You wanted to talk earlier. I'm gonna assume you have questions?" He said as he threw the empty bottle toward the fire.

"I only wanted to ask how you knew me in your world, but Wade seems to have painted a uneasy but clear picture for me."

Logan gave a sharp eyed glance at Wade as he groaned in annoyance. He looked at you and glanced down at the dog tags you wore around your neck.

"I gave those to you, I mean I personally didn't but your version...fuck you know what I talking about right?"

"it's alright Logan, from what I can tell you and me were both together in both universes, but fate decided, we didn't belong."

"Fate has nothing to do with it."

"You don't believe in it?"

"No I don't, my version of you died and your version of me died. We got the short end of the stick but look at both of us now. No one gets the chance to see their loved ones again...this is all because of that asshole." He smirked pointing over his shoulder to Wade.

"Better not let him hear you, he'll never stop talking about it then."

You both chuckled at the horrifying thought, it had been a long time since you laughed, hell since you felt any joy at all. After all this time you were finally given the chance to see him again, to hear his voice. You looked at him and brought a hand up to his.

"Can I hold your hand?"

He said nothing as he held out his hand as you took off the gloves he was wearing and held your hand in his. The everlasting scars on his hands from his claws slightly showed, even with a healing factor as great as his you come see them. His hand warm to the touch and slightly rough, no doubt from all the fighting and hard labor he did in the past. You closed your eyes as your seismic sense could feel the metal underneath, it was there you could see all the wounds he took, his adamantium skeleton though healed to others, you saw micro fractures everywhere. Every break and every cut he suffered. Clear as day.

You had your hand roam up his muscular arm causing you to blush a little as you saw a familiar break in his bone. It matched exactly to how your Logan got it.

"This was from Sabertooth. Your brother. He came after you one night and had me by the throat trying to hold leverage over you. You fought him and in-between all the cuts and gashes, he managed to break your arm....and that when I used my powers on him. And in so doing...I hurt you as well.

You remembered how your seismic sense caused the metal bones in his body to vibrate and caused pain for him as each bone hit the other. You were still trying to control your powers at this point, but you remembered feeling awful after Sabertooth fled.

Logan looked at you and saw the matching scar along your neck. The same one his version had.

"I remember that night...but if I recall, or at least with my version of you. The night had a lot of exercise and no sleep."

You looked at him and laughed to yourself. He wasn't wrong

"Yeah it was...sorry this is just so...surreal." you said letting go of his hand but he still left the gloves off. You smirked at him as you took off your cloak, the heat from the fire was making you warm. Or at least you thought in that moment. You looked over at the others and saw they were retiring for the night. Wade of course gave you a wink as he blew a kiss to Logan as he helped a very drunk Gambit into the base. Both sights causing you to laugh to yourself. Logan looked at you with small smile.

You smirked as you looked at him once more this time give him a curious look.

"So...I have to ask. Am I...anything like your version. I'm sure we had some differences but I am curious."

He said nothing as he looked at you bring a hand to move a loose stand away from your face as he spoke.

"No matter what universe...your perfect."

You blushed hard as watched him move his hand away for a moment. He fingers flexed with want, he knew it had been...well forever since he felt any affection. But this ...this was different.

"I suppose we should get some rest, after all, it will be a long fight." You said standing up for a moment before looking at him.

But Logan didn't move, something you sensed in him was causing him to stay put as he looked at the fire and then turned to you. You saw him look away from you for a moment, you sat back down and leaned your head closer to him.

"Are you alri-" your words were cut off when you felt his hand grab a hold of your chin and his lips met yours. A thousand sparks seem to go on at once, your eyes closed as you wrapped your arms around his neck instinctively. It had been so long...so long since you had been kissed by him. You felt his other hand grip the back of your head becoming lost in your hair. You felt a small twinge of pain on yours lips as you knew they would be sore if it continued. He stopped himself catching his breath as he opened his eyes to look at you with a small bit of regret in his eyes.

"Logan..."

"I can't. It feels wrong. Like we are cheating...on each other."

You looked away for a moment. He wasn't entirely wrong. But you when you looked up at him you knew that what you were feeling was only for him. You sighed as you brought both hands to either side of his face making his breathing heighten as well as his want that you could in-between both of you.

"Logan, I love you. No matter what universe, no matter what version of us. I know across the entire multiverse. I only love you. No other." You gave a kind smile as you kissed his cheeks and then brought the kids to his lips as you brought your arms around his neck.

The defense in his body shattered in that instance. His arms wrapped around you tightly as he kissed you back harder and rougher. Even a small growl escaped his throat. Every kiss he gave felt divine as he paused for a moment looking around. You were about to inquire but before you could he grabbed you hand and led you away from fire, leading you into the woods. He stopped when he couldn't hear or smell the others and turned to look at you.

"Did we have to go so far?"

"I'm not letting that walking pain in the ass interrupt us." He said as he pulled you against his body. But still giving you a chance to turn him down.

You smirked as you grabbed a hold of his x men uniform with both hands, pulling him in close to you and kissed him. For a few moments, Logan didn't react. He felt himself quickly start to feel faint. This wasn't what he had expected you to do, but it certainly wasn't unwelcome.

His thoughts wondered to how long he had wanted this. It felt like eons since he felt this way for anyone. After everything that happened to him, he barely dared to hope. But now, with the feeling of your soft lips on his... they were so soft. His mind couldn't help too imagine how that luscious mouth of yours would feel elsewhere. He would give anything to know. Every moment your lips met his, you sensed his whole body tensing up. You expected him to quickly push you away and perhaps admonish the both of you for going too far. You then felt him move. You broke the kiss and started to let go of his suit, when to your surprise, you felt him wrap his arms around you and pull you in tightly, bringing your mouth back up to his for more.

He kissed you deeply, his lips quickly parted yours, giving you one passionate kiss after another. Despite the roughness of his skin, the ever so slight growth of facial hair brushing against your own, his lips were surprisingly soft even given his outer appearance and gruff personality.

Though the two of you should have been quiet, you soon found yourselves moaning softly into each other's mouths. Feeling a bit faint, you wrapped your arms around his neck for support as you felt you were starting to lose strength in your legs. He in turn held you closer to him, though it wasn't enough for him. The woods started to become filled with the sounds of deep breaths and lips parting and meeting again.

Before you knew it, you felt a nearby tree hit your back. With his mouth still on yours, he pushed himself up against you. He reached down, took your left leg and placed it around his waist. Causing you to moan in loud volume but you couldn't care.

With your arms still around his neck, he soon had you pinned to the tree looking down at you with lust filled eyes. The both of you should have been listening for any rogue variants or maybe any other unknown dangers but the only sounds that filled your ears were the erotic sounds that the two of you were making together

With you hanging onto him for dear life, his hands were free to do as he saw fit. One was busy holding your leg up, the other was braced against the tree.. His thoughts wandered to the string cords on your clothes. They wandered further, imagining what garments might be underneath.

He brought his hand down against your back kissing you even harder and rougher

You wouldn't have noticed if you had not suddenly felt the sweet sensation of his leather gloved hand starting to caress your tender neck.

"Fuck..." He said. You whimpered lightly as you felt him glide his fingers along your skin. All the times you had imagined him caressing you came to the forefront, making you forget everything else.

While keeping one arm around his neck, you took his hand in yours. He started to wonderif it was too much. That concern soon vanished the moment he felt you place his hand on your breast.

“Keep going.”

Logan let his hand wander up and down. Your own free hand wandered over his chest, over the hero suit and even the thin clothes that he wore underneath. Reaching further down to his waist, your fingers found his belt, which you attempted to do with one hand, but no luck.

Still your want to please him grew as you brought your hand back down to his waist. You couldn't get the belt loose, but you definitely could manage to get your hand inside his trousers. He moaned louder than ever before as he felt your hand venture down his navel and towards his very hard cock. The closer you got, the more his breath shortened. He was beyond eager to feel you take him in your hand.

The moment he felt you grasp him, he broke the kiss, gasping deeply as he felt your soft hand move up and down the length of him. It had been so long since someone had pleasured him like this, he almost came undone right there and then.

He buried his face in your neck, kissing you up, down and across, becoming more and more aroused hearing you moan just for him. His breathed deepened as he felt you continue to work his length in such a pleasurable way.

Logan was doing his best to center his thoughts, but with you pinned between him and the tree, it was all but impossible. He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer. As you looked up at him you realized how his gaze was focused on your face. He eyes filled with what looked to be lust and sorrow. He kissed you deeply, slipping his tongue into your mouth as his thumb stroked your cheek. He pulled away after a moment and looked at you with eyes full of adoration. “I missed you, Y/N.” he whispered before pulling you into another kiss.

You knew what he meant, you both had missed this feeling after so long. It was the one good thing you both felt in many years. In this moment being different versions didn't matter.

You reached your hands to his belt and undid it quickly looking him deep in the eyes. as you wrapped your palm around his now hard member. You squeezed and jerked on him while kissing him with tongue.

Logan growled into the kiss as you started to jerk him off. Every few seconds he would purr before returning to kiss your lips. He missed you so much that just a bit of your touch made him rock hard.

You gently pushed him down onto the ground, trying to be careful to not hurt him. The soft grass giving you both some comfort and the cool air making both of you feel a rush of excitement. You tugged his pants down and pumped his shaft few times before taking him in your mouth.

Logan gasped and looked down on you. “Fuck, Y/N.” He moaned quietly before moving his hand into your hair to gain some of the control over your movement. He bucked his hips to push himself deeper into your throat, he was desperate for any feeling.

You pulled him out of your mouth to lick the vein along the side. You sucked the tip before sucking it back into you mouth and bobbing head quickly back and forth making a popping noise as you catch your breath. Your free hand gripped at his other hand causing you to intertwine each other hands as you deep-throated him.

“Fuck.” He gasped and rolled his head back into the lush grass. You felt him grab your hair and your head down closer, pushing his cock as deep as possible. He emptied himself into your throat and sighed loudly. “I forgot how much I missed the feel of your mouth around me.” He teased you.

“Logan” you said as you slipped out of your pants and panties and straddled his bearded face. “If you’ll be a good boy, you’ll get the grand prize,” you informed.

Logan growled lowly as he removed the rest of his suit. You smiled as he wrapped his arms around your hips, pulling you down to place gently kisses on your clit and lips. First, he played with you by sucking your lips gently before pushing just the tip of his tongue past your lips. Soon he started to eat you at like a hungry beast.

“Oh...fuck. Logan ahhhh.,” your head rolled back as the pleasure was already unbearable. You'd wanted this after so long. You craved him and his touch, he was spinning your head round. You bucked your hips quickly trying to get more friction while you reached your hand back to jerk over his yet hard again member.

Just when you thought the pleasure was at its peak you suddenly felt him pressing his face to your heat, pushing his tongue deeper into you. One of his hand moved from your hip to your entrance. You saw as he looked up at you before he started pushing two fingers into you. Now he was eating you out while fingering you.

“Fuck oh my god,” you grunted feeling your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you continued to try your best jerking harder at his cock. Soon, you got felt a wave of euphoria as you came on his face. He adjusted so he could lean upward as he brought you down to kiss his lips, you tasted your wetness on them. He wrapped his arms around you causing you to straddle his lap as he guided his cock right to your entrance, he looked at you once more before the pleasurable pain you felt causing you both to moan as his cock entered, he growled.

"Fucking hell, you pussy is sucking me in so hard."

He smiled and gladly kissed you as he started to buck his hips into you while gripping hard onto one of your breasts. You knew in the morning there would be marks, he started kissing and biting your neck as his fingers played with your hardened nipple as he slammed into even harder.

Your entrance convulsed when his cock twitched against it. It was needy for anything, gaping and closing on repeat. He chuckled as he felt it.

“Just like that Logan...fuck...ah...make me cum...around your sweet cock,” you moaned into his ear as your nails dug into his shoulders causing red marks to appear making him growl in both pain and pleasure as he moved his lips away before biting at your lips and kissing you even harder than before. You bucked your hips for him as well, his cock was spreading your inner walls more and more with every thrust.

Logan purred as his hand traveled to your clit to rub gently circles there. His thrusts became deeper and faster. You cried out when you engulfed all of him and his face snuggled into the crook of your neck to bring you comfort. An embarrassing, dragged out whine slipped past your lips as you took more of his thick girth.

"God, yes, yes, yes!,” You suddenly felt your back hit the ground as his well toned muscled body towered over you as you threw your head back in an outburst of pleasure that overwhelmed your body. Cold shivers ran down your spine. He took both your leg and placed them above his hips, his hand traveled to your clit to continue his fun while he fucked into you even harder and rougher than before.

You watched the way your hole eagerly swallowed his cock from below. It was fast and passionate as he finally fucked you onto his cock, groaning lowly into your ear.

It was easy for him to lift you due to his strength, he would undeniably be able to snap you in half if he really wanted to. A few more pumps, then he muttered.

"Sorry if you wanted to keep it this way." He followed you as he pulled you up onto all fours, his muscled arm wrapped tightly around your waist. Using his forearm for support, a tortuous pull out occurred once again before he snapped your hips together.

You choked out a moan as you pulled your hips back in response. He inhaled sharply and continued rocking his hips with yours. His girth blissfully stretched you out, his cock rubbing against that one spot. His torso emitted heat and as much as it left you in a blissful daze, his reckless hips provided a merciless pounding, the studs gliding against your walls only added more pressure and need to arch your back.

"Y/n...fuck your so tight."

Despite the heat, the overwhelming pleasure, the man behind you, it all just wasn't enough. You wanted to rake your fingers through his thick hair and tug, watch his beautifully flushed face and blazed eyes, run your hands all over his chiseled body.

So, you whimpered and grabbed the arm securing you. "I wanna see you—" A harsh thrust had you biting back a moan and interrupting a thought-out yet simple phrase, that took so much time to piece together when all you had was Logan's name and dick carved into your mind.

A grunt was let out into your ear, a moment later, his hips melded with yours and his thrusting halted. He loosened his grip on you and you rolled over to face him, your hands latching onto his hair in an instant as you brought him closer. A humiliating cry fucked out of your throat. You threw your hands to his back as a reflex.

The veins along his chest and neck stand out, head lifting slightly off the ground as his fingers grip tighter at your chest, his cheeks flush red and his lips part again as he growls deep, guttural sounds. Then, you feel his dick inside you pulse, his strong hips lock into yours as he spasms and spills, his cum hot and thick as you continue to move. He throws his head back again then, jaw dropped as he moans, his eyes squeezed shut and body trembling in time with the spurts of his seed within you. 

Oh, my sweet—" You almost purr, trailing your hands along his forearms, still rocking your hips slightly as you come into his space, lips trailing along the curve of his jaw. He leaned his head down to you placing his forehead against yours taking deep breathes

"You're gorgeous." 

You blush profusely as he chuckles, his hands sliding down to your ass, you press kisses against the underside of his chin until he finally tilts his head down and allows your mouth to cover his. You kiss him languidly, dipping your tongue between his lips, breathing each other's air, feeling his fingers squeeze at your pillowy flesh as he eventually lifts his legs and uses the bit of leverage to thrust his still hard cock slowly in and out. Your whole body shutters beneath him, feeling his cum begin to overflow, sliding wet down the backs of your thighs, and you shiver. 

"You haven't come." He mumbles against your lips.

You smooth your hands up over his cheeks, forehead and all the way up to his hair, lifting from your lover's lips to smile slyly up at him.

"Would you hate me if I asked you to keep going?" 

Logan groans, his hands shifting down to your hips. his length shifting inside you and you gasp as you're pressed harder into the grass, your legs winding around his hips.

"After 200 years...you may be the death of me." 

"Death by fucking too much? There are worse ways to go." You hum happily as the he takes your hands in his and stretches your arms above your head to pin them down against the ground, his weight crushing you, forcing his cock deeper inside. You whimper and your eyes roll, toes curling at how entirely full you feel.

"A—ah, fuck—?"

His grip tightens around your hands and he pulls his hips back until he's almost the entire way out before he slams his sensitive cock back into your pussy. You feel his cum pushing out of you, pushing deeper inside you, each movement causing his entire body to shudder and tremble as he fights through his overstimulation to please you. You reward him with unabashed sounds of satisfaction, your heels digging into the backs of his thighs to urge him on, your hips bucking up to meet his thrusts. Knowing all too well the want to not get caught left your minds from the start.

Logan lowers himself, his entire body encompassing yours with its size as he rocks his hips into you, his dick twitching within your clenching walls, loud, almost pained sounds of unbelievable pleasure muffled against your neck as he feels you unravel around him. You reach your peak, it hits you hard, you turn your face into the crook of his neck as mouth opens in a soundless scream of euphoria. 

You don't know when it happens, but all at once somewhere in the middle of your moaning, Logan makes a wounded noise and you're flooded once again with seed, delirious and writhing beneath him as you take it. You hear the sound of his claws unsheathed as his hips trust more and more until he's empty and your completely full.

He finally releases your hands and slumps on top of you, careful not to completely crush you underneath him, but curling into you and holding tight. You throw your arms around him, breathing erratic as you pulse through your climax, threading your fingers through his hair and clutching him to your body as you feel his smile against your collarbone. 

No words are said as the scent of sex and sweat permeates around the two of you. Both of you holding each other for some time, enjoying the post orgasmic bliss. Lips meet meld into lazy kisses, noses pressed against each other. Both of you share breath as you kiss, too exhausted to pull apart.

HIs muscular arms envelope your body, cradling you protectively. Together relishing in the feeling of the rise and fall of the the others chest, both familiar and new.

You feel your eyes flutter closed, easing into Logan's warm embrace.

-

The next time your eyes open, the sun almost over the horizon. You look around to see Logan is no where in sight. You wondering where he could have gotten to, you sat up looking over toward the sound of the others at the base.

The sound of the others reaches the small woods, conversation just barely too far off to be made out. You see Logan walking into the clearing with a large bucket of warm water and a wash rag with him.

"Logan...are you-"

Before you can speak he takes one of your hands and begins to press the warm damp fabric against your skin. His motion is slow and purposeful. You couldn't help but sigh. Your Logan was always surpassing your expectations of a lover. Here he was, it may not be your Logan caring for you, but in a way you couldn’t have dreamt of asking this from him.

He looks at you seeing a hint of tenderness in your eyes. Soon your guided to twist to face away from him, his strong arms pressing the warm cloth against your sore muscles and long healed scars.

You moaned sighs at the sensation, he takes care to clean every surface of your body. His eyes are focused, consumed wholly in this act of love. You watch him. Adoration and love builds up in your chest at the ways his eyebrows crease and his eyes focus.

You turn your body back to face him, both of you shareing a longing look. He sees into your very person, and you into his. His eyes drift between your legs, and worry enters his mind.

“I - lost myself in the moment. I shouldn't have done that.”

You placed an affectionate hand over your lower belly with a subtle smile.

“Don't worry Logan, I'm not upset. It felt good in the moment." He moves in closer as you lie back down against the grass, spreading her legs for him. You feel the warm rag against you, the touch isn’t sexual, But rather filled with the same love and care it had pressed into her skin just a moment before.

"I don’t regret it at all.” You say as you pull him to lay beside you.

"Do you?" You asked as you felt your heart beat quicken. With a sigh and a smile he combs out your hair with his fingers, moving the loose strands of hair away from your face.

"Never."

You relaxed as you felt him melting in your arms, content beyond all measure, whispering words of love and devotion in your ear.

"We should probably head back soon, otherwise Wade may find us."

"If he does he can fuck off." Logan said pulling you in closer as you chuckled to yourself. You smiled up at him as you brought your head against his chest, a few more hours would be alright, at least for now.

[garpond]

happy birthday to neil young here are some of my favorite things about him

-by the age of 20 he had owned 3 different used hearses, all of which experienced some form of extreme mechanical failure that caused him to have to get rid of them

-in buffalo springfield whenever he had to go out on a date with a girl he'd tell his friends about it beforehand so that they could interrupt the date to tell him he needed to be somewhere and was late so that he could be allowed to leave

-hated going in grocery stores because he would get overstimulated and have to leave

-didn't like how the first pressing of Comes A Time sounded so he bought 200,000 of the first copies of it and used them as shingles for a barn roof

-when one of his tour buses was destroyed (i forget how) he had it brought to his ranch and buried on the property like a beloved family pet

-his early ambition before music was to be a chicken farmer

-when he and carrie snodgress where dating she'd have a ton of people over sometimes and it gave him anxiety so one evening he decided to open the living room window and crawl out of it to get away from people instead of walking through the room to get to the door because apparently he couldn't wait that long and everyone saw it

-another time he randomly showed up at a neighbors' house and they didn't really know why he dropped in all of the sudden because he wasn't very social and it turns out it was because his manager had set up a meeting for him with the band America and he didn't want to do it so he was hiding

-during buffalo springfield he would hide in peoples closets a lot

-once he was guitar shopping with stephen stills and when he was offering on a guitar stephen offered more money on it to try and get it and it pissed him off so he started bidding higher to kick off a bidding war between then and once it was up to a ridiculous amount of money he just dropped it and was like ok you win lol ! and stephen had to pay an insane amount of money for it

-during one filmed interview with MTV or something he decided to fuck with them by adjusting the position of his hat super slightly every couple seconds so that when they cut the footage together and shifted things out of order it would look confusingly different every time

-during the recording of deja vu he lived by himself in a motel but he brought his 2 pet bush babies (named Harriet and Speedy) and they scared the shit out of Graham Nash

-gave a stranger he met like a week ago unrestricted access to his finances because the guy claimed he was going to help him buy a boat and the guy ended up stealing a couple thousand dollars

-during last buffalo springfield concert he was the only person who was not even remotely sad and on the way home jim messina was literally crying and neil was just like :] the whole way

-one year on his birthday at the ranch there was going to be a party and it was a tradition to have a bonfire at it so he went out into the woods to get sticks for it but somehow managed to grab a bunch of poison oak and it was used at the fire and after that he was not allowed to gather bonfire sticks anymore

-while filming the lincvolt documentary he met a trans woman and when he was interviewing her to ask for her opinion about the car she told him that what he was doing with it was a big change and he should probably ask for the car's permission to do it and he actually did do this later

-"everybodys rockin" originated as an r/maliciouscompliance type of project because while he was on geffen records Old Ways was rejected and the label asked for a "rock and roll album" and this was his response to that

-the infamous Eat A Peach incident

-there is much more but this is all i can come up with rn

[seokgyuu]

Strawberry Wine - Teaser

Pairing: Lee Jihoon (Woozi) x Fem!Reader

Genre: Romantic Comedy, Strangers to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Fake Dating, Smut (not in this teaser, but the actual story!) MDNI!

Synopsis: After breaking off your engagement to your cheating fiancé, you decide to take the planned trip to Paris anyway. A vacation alone with the honeymoon suite all to yourself seems like the perfect distraction. Just that, due to an internal error at the hotel lost soul Jihoon, who still isn't over his first love's death five years ago, is staying in the same honeymoon suite as you.

Word count: 1229 (the teaser)

Release date: Part 1: 4th of August, Part 2: tba

A/N: this is a teaser for my upcoming fic for @svthub's world tour collab! I want to thank the admin team for arranging this wonderful collab and also @okiedokrie for the beautiful header and divider! All the smut warnings will be in the actual fic!

The flash of the camera goes off and you’re almost sure your eyes were closed. The teenage girl next to you smiles brightly and waves at you once more before rushing off to go over to her mother. You lightly smile back and look over to your right where Minghao is giving you a thumbs up. Apparently, so you interpret his gesture, you’re holding up quite well for someone who just caught her fiancée cheating two weeks ago. 

You’re aware that you could have canceled the book signing today. No one would have been mad. But even though your heart is shattered to a million pieces and you don’t think you’ll ever heal from this hurt - you still need to earn money and make those who give you that money happy. Just sucks that the person you build this with is somewhere on the Bahamas with your biggest rival on the romance book market. Or, well, as your publisher says: your bestest friend on the romance book market. Since you’re both making money, of course. You can’t count the times you and her have been sent to events together, not saying a word to each other on the way there and playing happy family the second you are in front of the cameras. 

Her books weren’t even good! Boring and predictable if anyone asked you. Your ex had always agreed with you, even if he was her agent as well as yours. But Jaehyun was slick - he told her the same about your books. 

“Hi, oh my god, I love your books so much! I can’t wait for the next one!” It’s a boy with the brightest and whitest smile you have ever seen and for a second you can forget your sadness.

“Thank you so much. What name do you want me to sign?” 

-

The book signing ends about half an hour later. You’re in the car with Minghao who’s typing something on his phone as he sits in the backseat with you. 

“You did great, you know.” He says, not looking up. His words make your stomach turn uncomfortably even though you know he means well. 

“Thanks,” is your mumbled response, your head slowly turning to look out of the window. Minghao sets down his phone, realizing his words didn’t come out the way he wanted them to. He sighs.

“Best friend dearest,” he starts, “you know what I meant. Considering you have been in your room with no lights on and Adele on repeat for the last few months - you did exceptionally well socializing with people you don’t know.”

“It’s my job after all, isn’t it?” 

“No, your job is writing brilliant books, Y/N. This is just a bonus. Your books would sell wonderfully even without you doing this.”

Three months ago this would have made your chest fill with pride. You’d be beaming and agreeing with Minghao, content with your life and what you had made it to be. But now, it’s different. 

Now, all you feel is ache in your chest. No sense of pride, no smile in sight. No contentment with how your life is going. Joy has been missing in your palette of feelings for a long time. 

The city lights are what keep you awake. Exhaustion and the feeling of sadness that you have become so used to are close to make you falter, to make you want to go home and put those Adele songs right back on repeat. It’s not fair, you think. Not fair that your life was ruined this way and you can’t get back up. That all you’re able to do is live because you have to, not because you want to. And the closer July 17th comes - the more you feel yourself falling deeper into a hole. 

It’s hard to believe that three months ago you were a completely different person. A person who loved to laugh, who had fun game nights with her friends, cooked every day, went for runs in the morning, planned a wedding. You were a person who loved to love. All of this was accompanied by the person you had been sure you’d spend the rest of your life with: Jaehyun. He was tall, handsome, kind. You had met him through work - he had been assigned your agent when you switched publishers. He was your muse. Helped you with your books, made the sales sky rocket with the way he marketed you. 

For five years he was your everything. In some ways (ways you loathed) he still is. Your whole life revolved around him. Wherever you went - he did too. Whenever you fell - he was there to catch you. Nothing in the world could have ever prepared you for what was going to happen. But then again, when is someone ever prepared to be cheated on by the person they trusted the most in their life? 

To say it was a shock would be an understatement. Accidentally finding the messages he sent to her on his iPad. Confronting him and seeing his face fall, his expressions change into something you had never thought possible. He looked caught. Mainly because he was. Also because he never thought the truth would come to light. You had been the only one left in the dark. Everyone at the publishing house knew what he was doing. He and her. 

It wasn’t fair, you knew that, but in the beginning you couldn’t handle being mad at Jaehyun. Instead you focused all your anger on her, all the hurt you felt. It wasn’t like you had particularly liked her before - she was your rival, the person everyone always compared you to. She was younger than you, didn’t have as much experience - but she was more successful. At least to an extent. Her books regularly went viral on ‘booktok’, mainly because she wrote them like she worked in a factory. Every couple of months there’d be a new one - and people ate it up. You, on the other hand, liked to take your time, liked to write stories with captivating characters, with characters people could relate to - fall in love with. 

Suddenly your biggest rival became the person you hated and wanted to be like the most in the world. To be her would mean to have him. Him, who you still love so much, who still means everything. 

It is a little different now. 100 days later and you feel like you don’t love him as much anymore. Yes, it still hurts like hell and, yes, you want to stay home most of the days. But you don’t miss him as much as you used to. 

“Do you want to grab a drink?” Minghao asks now even though he already knows the answer. Gosh, you wish you could give him a yes. A smile and a yes. Instead, you only present him with the first, stretching out your hand and reaching for his.

“I need to get home, Hao. Today has been a lot.”

Minghao nods slowly, a sad smile on his pretty lips. He understands, he really does. But he also misses his happy best friend. Misses the way your eyes crinkle when you smile wholeheartedly , misses the sound of you honest laugh. No matter how many time will pass, he doesn’t think he could ever forgive Jaehyun for what he’s done to you.

[writing-for-life]

Dream’s Therapist

Siblings

I am in the last throes of preparing with previous session notes (Intake, Insomnia, Nightmares, Emotions, Parents) when my receptionist informs me that the client has arrived. Slightly early again, but we are getting used to it at this point, to the degree that it would seem patently strange if he were on time or late. She informs me he has, as usual, brought a book to pass the time.

When the client walks into my office, I note said book is “Molloy” by Samuel Beckett, which he holds in his right hand. A moment later, it has disappeared, and I catch myself wondering where to. In any case, his body language tells me he is not in good spirits today: The coat stays on, he does not talk at all (usually, he at least greets politely, if slightly formally), and he just takes his seat without waiting for me to bid him to sit (which he usually does). As he sits down, he huffs (I can’t call it anything else).

I decide to bring up the client’s homework at the beginning of the session to get it over and done with. The question was whether it were truly paradoxical to allow himself to dream while thinking he is responsible for other people’s dreams.

DT: How did the homework go?

Dream (I notice he purses his lips): I do not wish to talk about it.

DT: You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you could…

Dream (He actually interrupts me): Then what is the point (I notice he does that overly plosive T again) of coming here?

DT (It’s one of those days again): Well, it is you who said you don’t wish to talk about your homework? (He glares at me, pouts but stays stumm.) Look, it isn’t really for me to tell you what the point of coming here is, to quote you. Even if I have thoughts about it. Can you remember why you want to come here?

Dream (The silence lasts four minutes): I have walked an eternity’s worth of dreams. Yet, I mostly remain the observer and never seem to touch anyone’s… soul.

DT (The homework hit a nerve. He definitely engaged with the question): So you long for connection?

Dream: When the last dreamer forgets my name, I will cease to exist (The delusion is in full force, but I am starting to understand why). There is no true connection for me.

DT: What makes you think that people who care will forget about you?

Dream (I notice a sound not unlike that of a strangled cat): Because no one remembers me as soon as they wake.

DT: Well, I’m wide awake, and…

Dream: (I notice he mumbles something that sounds like, “Unfortunately.”)

DT: Pardon?

Dream: No matter.

DT: As I was saying: I am wide awake, and I remember you; otherwise this would be very hard to do.

Dream (He frowns so hard that I can almost feel it physically, but he remains silent. Today will be like pulling teeth I guess.)

DT: If you long for connection, did you ever try to initiate it?

Dream (He snorts, only to then look out the window. The silence only lasts around a minute this time): Yes. (I am waiting because I initially think he might expand. He does not).

DT: What about your siblings? You told me previously that the relationship with some of them is fractured. What about the others? Anyone you’re close to? Or at least get along with?

Dream: My elder sister… perhaps.

DT: Okay, that’s a start. Can you tell me a bit about her and your relationship?

Dream: She is everywhere, at all times, to collect souls and guide them to the afterlife (I am briefly contemplating whether she is really in the funeral business or if this is one of his strange allegories again, but I let the thought slide). I envy her certain sense of… detachment.

DT: And why is that?

Dream: She quite possibly carries the heaviest burden of all of us. And still, she remains… optimistic, kind, compassionate. She perplexes me.

DT: Would you say she is the sibling you're closest to?

Dream: (I notice a certain sense of hesitation): Perhaps she understands the nature of our existence most. But even she cannot fully grasp my realm. Or understand me, for that matter.

DT: Did you ever try to explain?

Dream (He looks at me as if I am someone very young and very stupid. I am neither. Well, at least I am fairly certain about my age): What I am cannot be explained or understood. By no one.

DT: Try me.

Dream (He leans forward in his chair, cocks his head to one side and looks at me intently): Will you answer a question first?

DT: That would depend on the question—I can’t promise anything.

Dream: You mortals hardly ever do.

DT: Just ask and see what happens.

Dream (I notice he is staring at my paperweight again. Hasn’t happened for a while): What do you know of eternity?

DT (I have no idea where this is going, but I decide to play): It is not a concept that means a lot to me. Nothing is eternal.

Dream: That might be true. And yet, what if there were such a thing, or at least something that gets very close?

DT: Then I would probably still endeavour to focus on the here and now, because that’s all I can do.

Dream: Do you never yearn for things beyond your reach?

DT: That’s inconsequential to our conversation.

Dream: Is it, though?

DT (I sense he is trying to corner me somehow, so I decide to redirect while pretending I don’t): Let’s assume for a minute it isn’t then. So what if I did yearn for things beyond my reach?

Dream: I would consider it… (He hesitates, briefly looks down at his hands and then looks at me again) relatable.

DT (I am glad he relates, but I also think I need to redirect even more): Of course you would. Isn’t that what every type of connection is about? Even professional ones?

Dream (I notice he straightens in his chair and lifts his chin. The silence lasts a full nine minutes before I decide to end it).

DT: Can you tell me what else you find relatable?

Dream: No.

DT: Why not?

Dream: Because that is the entire problem. I cannot relate to anyone, and no one can relate to me. However, I envy you… Your fleeting life (The way he says it almost sounds like an insult) and your fragile heart and your ability to love, lose and taste mortality with every passing moment until you take your last breath.

DT (I usually don’t flinch, but I think I might have on this occasion and need a second to gather myself. I am fully aware he is aware that I am slightly rattled because the way he looks at me is both sad but also disturbingly… triumphant, as if he were not so secretly chuffed that he dealt me a blow): And what makes you think you cannot do, or have, any of these things?

Dream: Because Destiny's Book weighs upon me. He is my brother by the way, I am not certain if I told you.

DT: Didn’t you previously tell me you never forget a thing? (Drat! I shouldn’t have said that.)

Dream (I notice he blinks slowly and actually smiles. For the first time today): Touché.

DT (I notice my sense of relief, and I’m not sure I like it): I think I might have asked you something like this before, at least in a roundabout way, but what if you could tear a page from that book? Just like that. Or at least rewrite it?

Dream (I notice he looks out the window again): That has the potential to unravel existence itself (He seems to think. After 8 minutes of silence, he finally looks at me again). Destiny is the oldest, forever chained to his book. Imagine having a sibling who knows every possible outcome, every twist of fate (So we are back to his siblings. Strange change of topic). It is rather infuriating. He once predicted I would spill coffee on a dream record, and I did.

DT (I’m not sure if I am inwardly laughing or crying at this point): So we are back to hot beverages and cup revolutions?

He just stares at me. I notice I involuntarily, or maybe voluntarily, quirk my eyebrow, to which he responds with cocking his head and resting both index fingers on his lips. He is ACTUALLY trying to hide a smile): Well, I am glad you are amused. Should we use that energy to keep on talking about your siblings?

Dream (He sighs and rolls his eyes at me, but he is still half-smiling, so he doesn’t seem to be to opposed): My relationship to each of my siblings is complicated.

DT: And why is that?

Dream: Because each one of us embodies a concept. We are bound by duty but simultaneously divided by it.

DT: Can you elaborate on that?

Dream (I notice a slightly uncomfortable shifting in his seat): Well, there is Desire… Desire is… manipulative. Always scheming, always meddling in my affairs. Our relationship is strained, to say the least. Despair is at least somewhat predictable. And then there's Delirium. She used to be Delight, but… (He suddenly stops himself and shakes his head.). It is unseemly to discuss my siblings, they are none of your concern.

DT: Correct. But you are.

(I notice his eyes turn wet, and he swallows a bit too hard. I catch myself thinking that I feel sorry for him. And I really shouldn’t.) Professionally.

Dream (I notice he stares at my paperweight again): I did not imply otherwise. (He briefly looks at me before turning his attention to the paperweight again.)

There is another brother. He abandoned his function and somewhat chose to… create. Badly. When he used to destroy whole galaxies… (His voice trails off)

DT: I guess he just came to the conclusion he prefers creating nebulae shaped like a middle finger over destroying galaxies? (Why on all fucking earth did I say that?)

Dream (I notice the eye roll): Very mature… (I also notice he loses the battle against trying to suppress a smile again) Yet possibly true.

DT (I am relieved, but I also feel I should apologise)

Dream: No need.

DT (I am confused): No need for what?

Dream: For an apology.

DT (He’s trying to read my mind now, great.)

Dream: I am sorry, I shall abstain.

DT: From what?

Dream: From intruding.

DT: Intruding on what? (I notice I sound a bit prickly.)

Dream (He stares me blank in the face): Your thoughts.

DT (This is fine. Totally fine. He isn’t really reading my thoughts, what are the chances to get it right randomly? Probably fairly high.)

Dream: Even higher if you understand common patterns.

DT (Okay, we’re playing again): And naturally, you do.

Dream: Perhaps.

DT: Then tell me about patterns between you and your siblings.

Dream (He doesn’t get angry or tetchy as expected, and instead just stares at his hands): The patterns are… endlessly complicated. I am not sure you would understand the dynamics of our relationships.

DT: Have you, or your siblings, ever tried to change these dynamics?

Dream (He does look slightly annoyed now): We are… constants! Change is a foreign concept to beings such as us.

DT: Is it truly? You’re changing, aren’t you? You’re even smiling. Here and there. That’s definitely a change.

Dream (I notice a face like thunder): I think not.

DT: Not what I’m seeing.

Dream (He leans forward in his chair): I. Do. Not. Change.

DT: Okay, what about your sister then?

Dream: Which one?

DT: The one who changed? The one you said, “used to be” Delight?

Dream (I notice he opens his mouth briefly to then close it again. He thinks for a hot second): I suppose, within our limited capacity, there have been…efforts to change. But…

DT: So it is possible then?

Dream (I notice the wet-cat-head-shaking): You don’t seem to comprehend that there is no balance in change. Not in any of my siblings. And I wish for balance. For a semblance of… harmony.

DT: Why do you believe there is no harmony in change?

Dream (I notice an exasperated sounding puff of air exiting his nose): I trust our time is up?

DT: No.

Dream: Very well, I shall leave then. (He gets up.)

DT: You’re right, some things truly don’t change.

Dream: I told you so. (He starts to walk out.)

DT: Are you still committed?

Dream (He stops and turns to look at me): Did you not tell me, just a second ago, that some things do not change? And did I not previously encourage you to use ink for however long you deem necessary? I do not have the tendency to go back on my word.

DT: And I don’t have the tendency to assume people aren’t free to change their mind.

Dream (He just stands there and glares at me): You have an obsession with change.

DT: Comes with the territory. Still ink, or would you rather default to pencil?

Dream (I notice the slightly exasperated bridge-of-nose-pinch): Ink. It is marginally more unchangeable…

< Previous Session

[vivantesopvles]

They meet again between life and death, in a place called the Limbo. 

This time, Harry does not wake up in the pure-white King’s Cross he so often revisits in his memory. He’s back at the Dursleys’, locked inside his cupboard again. And someone’s banging hard on the door.

No, he thinks in despair. Not Uncle Vernon. 

‘Open up!’ But the voice is too high to be his uncle’s, Harry dimly notes; and the accent way too rough to be Dudley’s either. ‘We’re running out of time!’

‘Door’s locked from the outside,’ Harry says wearily. ‘Who’s there?’

‘Use your magic, you daft mug. And it’s Riddle you’re speaking to.’

The lever is met with resistance when Harry turns the handle. But Riddle’s right. Harry pushes his magic through the keyhole – Alohomora – and the lock clicks open.

Riddle is eleven, and so is Harry now, it seems. He takes a look at Harry – a dead spider caught on his shoulder, his too-large t-shirt full of holes – and curls his lips with derision.

‘So that’s how you’ve been using your magic?’ 

Harry ignores him. He leads the way out onto the empty street. As they walk past the trimmed hedges and boring gardens, Riddle tries to get him to talk again. ‘A wizard called Dumbledore says I should find you, says you know the way,’ he prompts. 

‘Did he?’ Harry is briefly taken aback. ‘Where to?’

‘To the new place, of course.’ Riddle shoots him a dubious glance. ‘You’d better not be giving me the runaround.’

‘I’m not,’ Harry says, wondering why Dumbledore still enjoys complicating matters this much, even in death. ‘In any case if we’re going anywhere, I think we ought to head over to King’s Cross Station first …’

‘King’s Cross? That’s in London, that’s where I come from,’ Riddle exclaims. 

As if fuelled by the information, he grabs Harry by the wrist and begins to sprint down the street; all the while, he talks and talks.

‘… and I grew up in Whitechapel. Wool’s Orphanage, if you must know. A soft touch like you wouldn’t have lasted a day there, Harry.’ 

Harry shakes his head, exasperated. It has just occurred to him that they needn’t run at all. It’s the Limbo; they could probably teleport themselves wherever they liked. But they’re going so fast now it’s all Harry can focus his mind on: the speed, the wind in his hair and Riddle, his small, cold hand holding Harry’s. 

It’s almost like flying. Harry can feel himself becoming lighter with each step forward, with each memory left behind. He forgets his own death – the second one … then the first – he forgets the horrors of the war and the people he lost.  

Around them, the tidy suburban streets of Surrey blur, blend, into the cobblestoned confusion that is the East End, which Riddle navigates with the elegance of an alley cat.

‘We’re almost there,’ he says, before immediately launching into another one of his dark anecdotes about the exorcist whom he’d named his archnemesis since he was six. 

Harry’s usually put off by gobby people, but somehow Riddle is growing on him. Maybe it's because Riddle's actually quite hilarious. Maybe it’s because of his endless energy; how vital and unapologetic he still is after being told that there’s something wrong with him his whole life. 

‘I’d like to come here again sometime,’ Harry says as they outrun the old warehouses and backstreets; the red brick lanes and ivy-clad walls. ‘With you. On the other side.’

At that Riddle’s face breaks into a wide smile, a genuine one. ‘On the other side,’ he agrees, a wicked glint in his eyes. ‘Why not? I’ll show you around.’

Later, at the white platform where a train stands waiting for them, Harry finds a one-way ticket in his front pocket. On it says: 01 - SEP - 1938.

21052024 | @microficmay | life & death

[upslapmeal]

Notes from the Taskmaster 16x10 recording

The last two episode recordings I went to, I meant to make comprehensive notes when I got home afterwards that I would be able to look back at and post when the episode aired. I did not, in fact, end up doing that. So this time I was determined to have lots of notes, and made them on the go in the breaks in recording. However. They were made in a rush and I never went back through them to pad them out (you'd really think I would have learned by now). So instead of just having to rely on my memory, I ended up with an almost coded list of words and phrases that it's taken me pretty much 2 weeks to sit down and decipher lol. So with that said:

the pre-episode Greg-Alex entertainment was Greg getting Alex to sing a song about a recent news story to the tune of a song suggested by the audience - in this case it was Trump's lawsuit (the one in May 2023 since there are...a few) to the tune of Wuthering Heights

Alex really went for the whole live thing, and was constantly referring to it throughout the episode

when the contestants came onstage, I obviously first saw Sam in his bright colours and blond hair

we were right on the back balcony and my first impression from that distance was that he kinda looked like Jamie Laing lol

Greg made a passing comment about how he's been dressing in grey but I was completely taken by surprise when the vt rolled and he looked completely different!

I had assumed he'd actually buzzed his hair and didn't realise it was a wig until the ep aired

Sue made comments throughout the episode about how Sam looked like Dahmer

Lucy's prize task story, unsurprisingly, went on for ages and included a whole story about the holiday they went on that I tragically cannot remember

I was so glad they didn't cut 'untaffled' because I looked through my notes before again before watching the episode and couldn't for the life of me remember what she'd said

Greg's said that his immediate response to naked Alex in the prize task was that he was 'smooth like an eel'

After Julian's prize task there was a discussion about how people wanted to be buried, and at one point (I wish I could remember the conversation leading up to this) either Greg or Alex said they would be buried 'together forever in the Victoria monument'

There was a whole long debate about whether Sam intended to use nature as part of his doughnut task, and whether the bird toppling Ms Doughnut to her death should be counted

Greg told Sam to 'convince me to give you 3 points'

Sam went on talking about how amazing nature is and how we're all connected and at one point said 'consider the statistics.....3000' (I'm 99% sure this is what he said and I didn't just forget the rest of the quote)

Julian's exercise name was absolutely not a one-off, to the point they started running a 'cunt count' for the episode

Sue talked about how she had recently had an ADHD diagnosis, and that she kept viewing tasks holistically rather than paying attention to the details. This was specifically in relation to the exercise where she just did the same thing 4 times

I'm not sure if we saw the full extended version of Hotel Taskmaster, but we definitely saw a cut that included more than the aired version (though tbh I think they do that for most tasks and I just noticed this one bc we got the extended version)

We got an 'I put it to you' from Greg that Alex-as-Qrs looked genuinely cool

Lucy described Alex as having 'tight metallic buns' which Greg later referred to as his 'robot arse'

I cannot stress how much of a breakdown Susan had in the studio about the forks and marbles - you get a glimpse in the episode but that was nothing!

Susan also took AGES to do her throw in the live task - she kept on being about to throw before being interrupted, or saying her arms were too short, or that she needed a wee, or having a fit of giggles, and the longer it went the worse it got lol

Greg and Alex also had a go at it, and Sue wanted another go without the pressure. Greg and Sue got the ball in but Alex didn't

Don't ask me to remember the context, but at one point during the record, Greg told a story about someone he knew (whose name he said he would tell the others backstage) who would have sex in a cow mask and would demand 'LOOK AT ME!!!'. Anyway that was referred back to a few times in the ep

When Sam was given the trophy he just stood near-motionless with it for what felt like ages before we got to the hugs and everything

And now we enter the magical world of ~what on earth was this note referring to~ where I just hope someone else who was there (@politicalprocrastinator how's your memory?) sees this and can fill me in on what I've forgotten:

At some point around the prize / first task I wrote 'correct dog guess'. Whose dog? What was being guessed? Absolutely no idea

At some point there was a joke about the 'former Prime Minister', I think the idea being that by the time the episode aired we'd inevitably have a new PM? but I honestly can't remember

Someone called someone else submissive in a way notable enough for me to have written 'submissive' as a one-word bullet point, but not notable enough for me to actually remember

And now three bullet points which I will present in their original form:

Birthday

Bum hole in back

Get in bath

[sam-loves-seb]

i, for one, love every post and headcanon i see about mickey wearing a little chain, a little necklace with an "I" charm on it, or some variation of this, but... let me flip it for a minute.

stay with me here.

ian wearing a thin gold chain with a small, circle shaped pendant on the end with the letter M engraved into it. mickey gave it to him last christmas, and even though he felt absolutely ridiculous even thinking about giving it to him, let alone going into a store and actually purchasing it with real money, ian's reaction when he opened the little velvet box was worth it. mickey helped him put it on that morning, and ian hasn't taken it off since.

he sleeps with it on, showers with it on, works out in the gym and does laps in the pool with it on. half the time ian forgets it's there, this lightweight gold chain he barely even feels, and the other half of the time he toys with the pendant, sliding it back and forth, making sure it lays flat on his chest, M side up. people ask him about it all the time, confused because neither Ian nor Gallagher start with the letter M, and ian beams at every chance he gets to talk about his husband.

someone asked him once if it was some kind of power play for mickey, pseudo-branding ian with his initial sitting between his husband's collarbones. ian laughed him off, rolled his eyes at the use of branding, and told him in great detail about the full name tattoo etched into mickey's chest.

ian doesn't care about that shit. he'd get mickey's full government name tattooed onto his forehead if he didn't think his husband would murder him for it. he's down that bad for him. ten years later and he still feels like he's fifteen some days, with butterflies in his stomach and too many emotions in the space between his ribs. he loves mickey, and he wants the whole world to know.

so, the wedding ring and the M necklace will have to do. for now.

[waywardcrow]

Timeless.

Chapter IV.

Summary: 1943. 1975. 2024. Three different decades, three different lives, three different times your life and Bucky's interwined; he lost you twice, will he do it again?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader.

TW: It can change each chapter but themes of Bucky as soldier and as the Winter Soldier in general, flashbacks and dreams in italics like this, lots of feels, reader's being a little anxious, some stalking lol, a brief sex scene (p in v), very bad written smut, implied domestic violence (not from Bucky), murder mentioned, past lives, past 40'sreader is mentioned to be named Beth but that changes for 2024 version of her so I nicknamed her little bird for Bucky, Ace for everybody else, this will be a +18 story so minors dni.

Disclaimer: Please remember english is not my first language so if I make a mistake or forget something let me know.

Pictures from pinterest and graphic and dividers by the amazing @ firefly-graphics so all credits to the creators.

Previous chapter <;<<

You were fired, that wasn’t a surprise.

Mia Alexander didn’t sue you for every penny you had, that was shocking.

But getting a call from Pepper Potts herself, that was the real main event of your whole life.

She asked you to go and pay her a visit at her office in the Avengers tower, like if that didn’t send you in a spiral of bliss and terror, what will you wear? What could a woman like her want to talk with someone like you? Even if Sergeant Barnes –Bucky, you reminded yourself- told her what had happened in the gala, she might be mad at you.

Your head begun to think in the possibilities all the way there, considering that this was the reason why Mia didn’t sued you, maybe Pepper Potts would do it.

When you finally arrived to the tower your stomach was in knots, not even your lucky outfit made you feel better but like every other day in your life you sucked it up and walked to the front desk.

“Hi, I’m here to see Miss Potts?” you said, making it sound more like a question and the receptionist stared at your vintage midi skirt and blouse like he understood your hesitation. You offered him a smile before telling him your name so he looked for it in the screen in front of him and gave you a visitant pass.

“Third floor, follow the hall, last door in your right” he said and then went back to his screen.

“Oh, ok, thanks” your neck was hot with embarrassment when you reached the elevators and just became more evident when you got in and someone else did too.

“Good morning, third floor too?” Scott Lang, THE Scott Lang, asked you and you could only nod like an idiot. He did a double take on your face and smiled “hey, I know you; you are the girl who throws champagne at evil bosses.”

You were turning purple, it was a sure thing.

“What?” it was all you said.

“Yeah, the other night you did an incredible stunt, Sam told us everything” so Captain America knew too, great. Scott must saw something in your expression because his changed “is ok, seriously, when we hear what she did no one blamed you for it, I was sure Hope was about to kick her ass and don’t let me start with Yelena” your head was spinning “I think it was brave and more subtle than ruining your boss company and driving a car to his pool”

That earned a strangled laugh from you.

“Are you going to see Miss Potts too, Mr. Lang?” you asked when the elevator doors opened again and you walked with him.

“Actually I’m going to see Maria Hill but I’ll see you later” he smiled at you with such honesty that you relaxed for the first time in all day, making your way to your destiny you noticed the front desk for Miss Potts assistant was empty and you were just on time which was as good as being late.

Without not knowing what to do, you knocked at her door.

“Come in”.

Taking a deep breath, you did it squaring your shoulders and trying to tell yourself everything would be fine.

“Good morning, Miss Potts, I hope is ok I called, there was no one and-“

“It’s completely fine” she said gesturing for you to sit in front of her and went to address your formally even if contradicted her next words “Please call me Pepper, everyone does.

There was something about her, a professionalism that was inspiring but also made her approachable and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Only if you call me by my first name too”

“It’s what you like to be called? Because Sam told me about your friend calling you Ace when he went with Sergeant Barnes to the hospital, I think it fits you” at her words it was impossible not to blush again; first of all because of the mention of Bucky, the recurrent thought of your head the last days and then because of the nickname Harper gave you.

“I mean, yeah, my friends call me that” it was an exaggeration, you only had one friend.

“Maybe we should stick to it, between me and you Pepper is not even my name but I think is perfect for me” there was something like nostalgia in her eyes but she didn’t let you think too much about it “and I like that my employees feel comfortable when we talk.”

“Excuse me, what?” it was really embarrassing how you couldn’t form a decent sentence in front of her.

“I would like you to be my assistant, Ace” she said and then your life really changed.

Bucky still could tasted you, the other you, the one who reincarnated and was born in a rich Italian family in 1950, the one that somehow found him when he was The Winter Soldier.

He wasn’t supposed to fuck you in your fiancée’s car, well ex fiancée, you couldn’t marry a dead asshole. His mind couldn’t know why he needed you that bad but his body did, Bucky was sure it was the conditioning what made him be such a caveman with you but the truth was, you were his mirror back then.

You wanted him since Lucas bragged about his connections to Hydra and how they lend him their best asset to protect the arsenal his father’s company will provided for them. Your whole attention was in the silent assassin who looked at you like you were everything he could ever want.

Lucas wasn’t great with you, his little bird, that’s why he snapped his neck and took you away, sometimes his nightmares will let him breath and remember you surrounding him, riding his cock, high in pleasure, telling him that you loved him before you both were found and he was dragged back to Hell.

As a small blessing, he didn’t remembered that while dreaming, Bucky was too lost on you, in the salty taste of your skin against his tongue when he traced the valley of your naked breasts with it.

“Give me one more, little bird” he ordered, thrusting in and out of you with an incredible skill considering the small space “drench my cock again.”

His english was perfect with you, no sign of hesitation, not remembering he wasn’t supposed to speak it so naturally when it wasn’t necessary; the Brooklyn accent showing up without effort.

“I- I can’t” you sobbed, drunk on him, your body asking for more.

“You will” his metal hand let go your neck to play with your clit, the cold metal sending you to your climax once again, taking him with you.

The softness of your skin against his was the last thing he remembered before waking up.

Harper called you when you got back home and screamed when you tell her the news; she made a joke about coming to work with you so she could see Sam Wilson every day, making you feel better. Since you convinced your parents go and have the retirement they deserved, Harper was the only one you had and she was more than what you deserved but sometimes you wished for more, for someone to go home to.

Like a fool, your mind went to Sergeant Barnes; you needed to thank him for what he did for you.

If not for him, you would have be ruined but how could someone put that in a thank you card?

Maybe you could bake something for him.

Bucky likes apple pie.

The thought came out of nowhere with an intense hint of pain between your eyebrows, what was that?

Maybe a nap would help, your new job waited for you and this was the chance you dreamed of, ruining it wasn’t an option.

When Bucky went to check on you that night, you were already sleeping in your couch, making very difficult for him to let you there. Of course he could break in and carry you to your room without waking you up but it would make you feel unsafe.

It was hard for him to go back to a civilian life, or the closest he could have, his actions needed to be careful, especially around you. It was also torture he remembered almost everything and you nothing at all, that he couldn’t tell you about that night on your porch in 1943 or your breakfast with him, Steve and the Howlies when your unit was sent to Europe and destiny brought you both together again, he couldn't tell you about that time in Italy.

Bucky wanted you to know everything but you will never believe him, in the best case you'd believe it was a joke or a proof of him losing his mind but you could also believe him dangerous –which he was- and get away from him where Bucky would not be able protect you.

Sited there in your fire escape, he started to memorize every part of you he could see through the darkness, if that was all he could have from you, he would make it be enough.

Tag list: @cjand10 @bunnyforhim @cookingdancingchick

Next chapter >>>

Hello lovelies! Sorry for bringing this short chapter, I tried to start going through their past lives but witout giving so much details so this don't gets very confusing, if it still is please tell me so I can work on it, what de you think? I'll love to read about it in the comments!

Love, Lily.

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

Chapter Six

warnings: none? :)

even after rewriting this a few times i don't really like this chapter and i'm not too sure why... but its getting spicy in the next few parts so…

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Once the two of you were in Vin’s room he sent a text to Bryan briefly explaining the situation, and letting him know that you were safe with him. He gave you a spare sweater to sleep in, and he turned around as you got changed to give you some privacy. 

“I’ve never heard of this band before.” You say as you look in the mirror at yourself wearing his dead grandma sweater. 

“Oh, uh,” his face flushed red, he was embarrassed to tell you the truth but he hoped you would forget by the time you were sober, “it’s actually not a band… it’s the name of my WoW guild.” 

“Your what now?” 

“It’s a game, world of warcraft-”

“Oh! Sorry I don’t speak nerd.” You said with a smirk as you got into his bed, “This is so cool though.” 

“Thanks,” he said, getting undressed and leaving him in just his boxers. “I texted Bryan by the way to let you know you’re here with me tonight, I said Noah wasn’t picking up so you couldn't get into your room.”

“Shit I forgot about that! Thank you.” You said as he lied down next you, you couldn’t help but find yourself staring at him so you quickly rolled to your side, facing away from him. “We should get some sleep, you’ve gotta be up in 4 hours.”

“Shit, that’s true…” He says as he puts his phone down and you hear the light switch off. “Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight Vinny.” You whispered before letting your eyes close.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You woke up suddenly to the sound of someone knocking banging on the door. 

“Vin! Wake up everyone’s waiting for you!” You heard someone shout. 

You rolled over and squinted at the brightness as you checked the time on your phone. 7:25?

“Vinny!” You gently shook him, taking in how soft his skin felt beneath your fingertips- Stop it y/n. “There’s someone here for you.” 

He groaned, rolling on to his back as he rubbed his eyes.

“What's the time?” 

“It’s 7:25, you-”

“Shit!” He flew out of bed, beginning to get dressed when the door knocked again. 

“This is why I told you it was a bad idea to go out la-” Vin opened the door, and you saw Rick stood on the other side, his camera in his arm with a coffee in his hand. “Finally, I- What’s y/n doing in your room? What the hell Vin! This better not be what it looks like-” 

“No! She stayed here because she was locked out of her room! Look, I’ll be 5 minutes, okay? I’ll meet you guys by the bus.” 

Ricky gave you a look, before looking back at Vinny. 

“5 minutes, no later or you’ll have Chris to deal with.” 

Vinny shut the door on him, turning back to you and shaking his head as he searched the room for where he’d left his shirt.

“I'm so sorry about that.” He said as he continued getting dressed. 

“It’s okay.” You smiled, getting out of bed, “I better go and see if Noah’s awake yet to let me in.”

“Y’know, if you’re our photographer for the first couple days here, you should really come with us this morning. We’re doing an interview and I’m sure Chris would love to have some behind the s-”

“Vinny, I’d love to but I slept in last night's makeup and I’m about to walk back to my room in last night's clothes so I don’t think I’m ready to get to work just yet.”

"Well, you're lucky Rick didn't hear you say that."

Vinny turned around and dug through his suitcase for a moment before pulling out an old slipknot shirt, throwing it over to you. 

“To replace the top I ruined last night. I’m still so sorry about that-”

“Don’t be!” You chuckled, “It’s honestly fine, Vin. But thank you. I’ll quickly get changed and then let myself out, it seems you have an interview to get to.” You smiled, to which he nodded, grabbing his phone and water bottle before heading to the door.

“I’ll see you later, before the show.” He said with a smile and a little wave before leaving. 

As you got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, you couldn’t help but look at Vin’s belongings scattered across the room, laughing to yourself. You could've guessed he was a messy person, the complete opposite of Noah.

After getting dressed you left his room, heading towards yours and Noah's. You knocked on the door and quietly tried to call out to Noah, expecting him to still be asleep, but to your surprise was awake. As he opened the door he immediately began questioning you.

“What the hell? Where have you been? I woke up and you weren’t there and then I saw you tried to call me- Is that Vinny’s shirt?” Noah’s face suddenly turned pretty pale and you walked past him, into the room. 

“We got back pretty late last night and I forgot the key and I didn’t want to wake you up. I tried calling you to wake you up but in the end Vin let me stay in his room, he texted Bryan to let him know so I just assumed he would’ve told you. Oh, and I’m wearing his shirt because he spilt my drink on mine last night.”

“Why couldn’t you have stayed with Bryan?” Noah questions, shutting the door and crossing his arms as he waits for your answer. 

“Bry went back early with Folio and Ryan. Me and Vinny wanted to stay a bit longer,” you sighed, “Sorry, I guess.”

“No, it’s okay, don’t apologise… I didn’t know if you’d met Vinny before, that’s all. I wouldn’t want you being uncomfortable, staying with a stranger-”

“Noah. I’m an adult, I wouldn’t purposely put myself in a situation I’m not comfortable in. We met last night, but I trusted him and look, I’m fine, nothing happened!”

“I know, I just... I care about you, y/n." He said before quickly changing the subject, "Anyway, we’ve got a boring morning, I have some phone calls to make, then we’re going out for lunch. We’ve got to get back to the venue at 1 for sound check. How are you feeling about our first proper day on tour?” He smiled.

“Good,” you nodded, “I can’t wait to finally start, but before I do anything I need to take a shower.”

 ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You sat on the venue floor as Nicholas and Jolly tuned their guitars, Folio was having his drums put together and Noah was stressing with Matt over how the sound was coming out. Bryan was running up and down from the stage to the floor, demonstrating which angles you could take pictures from, and how to do it without getting in anyone's way.

You already got a few pictures of the guys setting up, and some of them on their way to the venue, but Noah reminded you that you were Motionless' photographer for the first few days so to focus more on them- but personally you thought he was only saying this because he didn't want his picture being taken.

"Hey y/n!" Rick gave you a smile as he passed you, he had clearly gone to get coffee, "All the guys are in the green room right now, I'd really appreciate it if you got some unflattering pictures of the guys so I have something to post on their birthdays."

"Okay, sure." You chuckled, getting up and waving to the Nicks and Jolly as you followed Ricky backstage.

"So... How are you feeling?" He asked, taking a sip from his cup.

"Great! I thought I'd be nervous but I think I'm too excited to even worry about anything."

"That's always a great attitude to have," he smiled, "Sorry about this morning by the way, assuming you and Vin..."

"It's okay," you said, focusing your eyes on the ground as you walked, "I can imagine what it looked like."

"He explained everything to me, it sounded like you guys had fun last night. Kind of made me wish I came too."

As you guys walked into the green room, you were greeted by Justin and Ryan. Justin was sat with his feet up on the table clearly taking a nap, whilst Ryan was playing a game on his phone.

“Hey, get one of me and Justin!” Ricky said, leaning onto Justin’s shoulder and holding up a peace sign as Justin snored, his mouth half open with his hat covering his eyes. You bring your camera up, smirking as you take a couple pictures.  

“You guys look beautiful.” You say, setting your camera back down in front of you, and Justin's phone starts to ring, startling him as he wakes up.

“Just wait 'til you see us in our makeup,” Vinny says, walking in with a sprite in his hand, before turning to Justin. "Is that Shae? Tell her I said hi."

“Hey baby!” Justin grins, answering the facetime call, flipping Vinny off. 

“Is that his wife?” You ask, and Ricky nods his head. 

“So what camera have you got there?” Rick asks, and you hand it over to him, telling him all about it as he inspects it.

“I thought you didn’t 'speak nerd'?” Vinny smirks, watching how your face lit up as you told Rick about how this was the camera you’d always wanted, and what made it so different from the others you've previously had. Ricky furrowed his eyebrows as he looked between the two of you, and Vin just laughed when you didn’t have a comeback and sat beside his friend. 

“I can’t wait to get out there tonight,” Vinny said, leaning back in his seat, his legs spreading slightly, causing your stomach to feel fuzzy, why were you suddenly feeling like this? “It’s been so long.”

“Don’t mess up this time though.” Ricky says, a slight smile on his lips as he’s still inspecting your camera. 

“Oh yeah? Well don’t fall through the stage this time.” Vinny sasses back, and Rick went silent, handing your camera back to you. 

“Look who’s here!” Chris grins as he walks a beautiful, heavily tattooed woman in to the room, and as you turn around you can’t help but notice how gorgeous she is! Then you realised who she was, she was Angela. You followed her on instagram when you found out she was the guys makeup artist, and you couldn’t believe how talented she was.

“Hey!” She smiles, wheeling something in behind her. “Oh you must be y/n! I’ve been dying to meet you!” She drops everything and runs to give you a hug. 

“Hi! You’re Angela, right?” 

“Yes! I make these guys look pretty to go out there and do their thing!” She says as she begins to tie her black hair up in a messy bun.

“Hey, Ang!” The guys all greeted her as she sat down beside you. 

“I’m kinda late, I was hoping to get here about an hour ago but I should get you guys all done in time. How long until you’re on?”

“About 3 hours,” says Justin as he ends the call, “we’ve got plenty of time!”

“So who’s going first?” She says, getting everything set up on the table in front of her. 

Ryan went first, then Ricky, then Chris and finally Vinny as Justin did his own stage makeup. Vinny insisted on putting his body paint on first, and you couldn’t believe what it all looked like in real life. 

You couldn’t help but giggle as Angela tied his hair back in a little ponytail, and he spotted you in the corner of his eye and flipped you off. 

“Please can I take a picture of this?” You asked, and whilst everyone else encouraged you, Vin was against it. 

“I’d love that!” Angela gasped, “Could you take some for me? I’d love some more for my socials.”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Vinny warned.

“Hey, I think your hair looks cute, I love your little ponytail.” You laughed, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes as you pointed the camera at him.

Once Angela had finished, you took pictures of all the guys’ makeup, and one full body shot of Chris, showing off the outfit he’d chosen for this tour. 

“How are we feeling guys?!” Folio cheered as the Bad Omens guys all entered the room.

“Great, man! I can’t wait to go and fuck it up out there.” Vin says, fixing his hair as Ang takes the hairband out. 

“You guys look amazing!” Nicholas says, looking rather stunned. 

“You ready?” Noah’s voice startles you, feeling his hands on your shoulders as he stands behind you. 

“I sure am.” You grin, tilting your head back to look up at him. “I’m still a little nervous though, I wasn't earlier but now it's actually real. I'm gonna be out there!”

“You’ll be great, y/n. Don’t forget it’s only the first night, and you’re here to learn anyway.”

“I know, I’ve already taken a few pictures this afternoon, and I got some of the guys in their makeup for Angela. So even if I don’t get any good ones out there I’ve got these.”

“That’s great!” He smiles, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. 

“Guys we’re on in a minute!” Chris announces, and everyone starts to get up. 

You can’t describe the atmosphere in this moment, everyone was so hyped and ready to get out there and put on the best show they could. You got a couple pictures from behind of the guys beginning to walk on stage, and then you watched them all take their places as the intro to meltdown played.

You couldn’t just choose one of the guys to watch, it was almost breath taking as they all did their thing and the crowd went crazy for it. However, you kept finding your eyes being drawn to Vinny. If you hadn’t found him attractive before, you definitely have now. He was so into the songs he played, you could tell he really loved what he did, and just watching him was breath taking.

You managed to get some pictures, you took a few of Justin and Ryan from the side, one of Ricky from behind, one of Chris from below and a couple of Vinny from various angles. 

You were doing everything Bryan had told you about earlier, but you were still quite nervous to get in the way, or to be seen too visibly on stage which definitely held you back. But when it got to a certain bit in slaughterhouse, you had to get some close ups of Justin and Vinny, who looked too good on stage. You caught yourself biting your lip a couple times as you watched him, looking away and focusing your attention on one of the other guys instead, and snapping a picture or two or twelve.

But as soon as it all began, it was over. They played their last song, one you haven’t heard before, but you fell in love with it. As you heard Chris thank the crowd, and tell them 'we are Motionless in White, and we are eternally yours' you felt goosebumps run up your arms. You took a few pictures of the crowd from the barricade, before getting back on the stage and taking some of Chris.

You’d noticed that for half of the show, you’d been too caught up in watching each of the guys that you only took a handful of pictures of them each.

You got off stage and headed backstage before the guys as they stayed to give out guitar picks and setlists to the crowd, maybe also a drumstick or two. However, as you went back into the green room you were met with a hyped up Bad Omens but an anxious Noah. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked, setting your camera down on the table and took out your ear plugs, watching as he bounced his leg up and down from his place on the couch.

“No,” he laughed, “We were having issues in soundcheck and I’m just worried it’s gonna fuck everything up tonight.” 

“Well Motionless sounded great-”

“Well of course you’d say that.”

“What do you mean?” You furrowed your eyebrows. 

“For one you're on stage with them, which will sound totally different to the crows, and you’re not listening out for any mistakes, anything that doesn’t sound the way it should.”

“Well-”

“Guys you’re on in 5!” One of the guys who worked at the venue called, to which Noah nodded his head. 

“Give it your best, okay? They fucking love you and they’re happy to just be here. Everything will be okay.” You tell Noah with a smile, watching as the Nick’s and Jolly begin to walk out, followed by Bryan.

Once everyone had gone, Noah kissed your cheek before walking out the door and slipping on his ski mask. 

“Awh! I didn’t know you guys were dating!” Angela beams, leaning forwards in her seat, making you jump out of your skin, “God, I’d do anything for a guy like Noah Sebastian-”

“We aren’t dating, actually...” You tell her, feeling yourself blush as you talk about it after he had just kissed you. “Look, I know we've only just met but right now I really need some advice, as a girl-”

“Honey, I’m all ears. What’s up?”

“Well, ever since I've met him I think I've kind of had feelings for Noah, but then last night I met-”

“Oh my pinky is fucked!” Vinny groaned, walking in with the guys, his makeup and body paint had worn off on stage and his hair looked messier than usual. “Y/n look!” 

“Ew! No!” You turned away as he laughed, he then attempted to show Angela who had a similar reaction. 

“What were you guys talking about? Looked pretty serious.” Ricky asks, running his fingers through his sweat drenched hair, he was also really pretty…

“Nothing to do with you.” Angela grinned, and he shrugged, walking off. “C’mon, I need to pee, the guys can’t follow us there.”

You followed her out, walking to the bathroom. Once you finally got there, you checked your hair in the mirror, realising it’s a mess after running around on stage, so you take it out of the ponytail and begin to redo it.

“Sorry about that,” Ang says, locking herself in a stall, “What were you saying, who did you meet? Tell me everything!”

You sighed before answering. 

“This is between us, right? You won’t go and tell the guys anything?” 

“Of course not!” 

“Well, it’s Vinny...” 

“Girl, I could’ve guessed that.” She laughed, coming to wash her hands. “Let me guess, he’s all flirty with you, makes you laugh and teases you, all that?”

“I know that’s just him but… I dunno, I never really feel like I’ve clicked with anyone the way I have with him, it doesn't feel like I only met him last night.”

“How long have you known Noah?” Angela asks, leaning against the counter

“Quite a while, but I haven't seen him in 3 years…”

“And you’re asking me for advice… Are you asking me who to choose or..?”

“I don’t really know, because you saw earlier when Noah kissed me on the cheek, the other day he called me ‘sweetheart’ and 'angel', but he can have such an attitude with me sometimes and we even had an argument yesterday. I just feel like he might not feel the same way. Vin just seems so much more chilled, things just feel more natural, I dunno. I really want to get to know him better first because he probably doesn’t even see me like that.” 

“Well,” she smiled, “If you and Noah aren’t actually together then what’s stopping you? I should maybe also mention that you’re Vin’s type, if that helps.” 

“Really?”

“I’ve known him quite a while now and you certainly fit his criteria,” she smirks, “I’d love to see him happy again.”

“Thanks, Ang.” You smiled, “But... I don’t know, what should I do?” 

“It’s pretty difficult whilst you’re touring because nobody ever gets five minutes alone, but try and maybe spend the afternoon with him on an off day. Vin’s a sweetheart, but you might spend a day with him and find him insufferable.” She laughed, “But don’t worry, I won't say a word of this to any of them.” 

“Thank you,” you say, “So are you with us for the entire tour?”

“Most days,” she says, leading you out of the bathroom and back to the green room, “I’m here all week but then I have to get back to New York for an event, but then I’ll join you again.” 

“I can’t wait,” you smiled, “I didn’t have time to tell you earlier but I think you’re so fucking cool. I see your cosplays and makeup looks all the time on instagram, you’re so talented it's crazy!” 

“Thank you! I need to check your account out, what's your name?” She asked, immediately opening instagram. 

“There you guys are!” Chris waved you over to join them as the two of you came back to the green room, “Where were you?” 

“We had to pee.” Angela said, sitting down on the couch, leaving a space in between her and Vin. 

"We thought you got lost, we were going to send Rick out to find you." Vinny laughed, and for some reason all of a sudden you felt shy around him.

You sat down when Angela patted the spot she strategically left for you next to Vin, and as you sat down, he carefully placed a hand on your knee, causing you to freeze.

“Get any hot pictures of me?” He smirked, and you noticed Ricky’s eyes on you both. 

“Maybe…” 

“Can I see?” 

“No, they need editing first! I’ll get that done tonight if I don’t fall asleep too quickly. But I can’t promise anything, I’m so tired.”

"Go back to the bus and have a nap," he smiled, "We won't be here too much longer."

“But it’s cold on the bus.” You complained, and he agreed.

You felt Vinny snake an arm around you, and pull you close so you rested your head on his shoulder. You caught Angela smirking at you from the corner of your eye, it would’ve gone noticed by the guys too if they weren’t watching a video Justin was showing them of a girl playing timebomb on the guitar, which seemed pretty impressive. 

You let yourself shut your eyes, and before you knew it, you were asleep. 

———————————————

@rumoured-whispers @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lma1986 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @miss570 @miamore0570 @jilliemiw86 @itsyaboinoah

[lovexjoe]

Unspoken Part 2

Y/N froze in the doorway not knowing what to do. Girlfriend? He had a GIRLFRIEND?! Just a few minutes ago she was so certain that she wanted to tell Jack she meant what she said during sex. She loves him. She has for so long. Stepping aside she let Taylor inside the apartment after exchanging names.

“Good morning beau-Taylor! W-what are you doing here?” Jack says confused.

“I told you I was coming ….”

“No Taylor….you didn’t actually yo-“

“I will leave you two alone to figure things out” Excusing yourself, heading to the bedroom and wanting nothing more than to cry. You felt used. This entire time he had a girlfriend, invited you over to stay the week just to cross a fucking boundary just to get his dick wet!!

You turned the shower on wanting to wash off the feeling from last night. This man really stocked up the bathroom with a ton of products. How many girls stay here? What a fucking whore. You couldn’t help the tears that fell. All you can think about is the what could have been. Now that’s all ruined.

As you’re getting dressed, Jack walks in your room without knocking.

“Do you mind?! You wrapped yourself up in your towel. He tries to pull you close but you shove him away.

“Y/N please I promise it’s not what it looks like. I broke up with her weeks before you got here. She won’t take no for an answer.” Jack pulls her close, trying to read her facial expressions. He was panicking for the first time ever, he can’t lose her. All these other women he’s been with cause walk out and he’d close and lock the door: but you? No….he needed you.

“It doesn’t matter, last night was a mistake.” She says coldly and it split his heart in half. He didn’t believe that. How could he? The chemistry he felt that couldn’t be a mistake. He shook his head.

“D-don’t say that! It was everything to me. Please tell me you don’t mean that…..” The tears were forming. Just when he was about to get the girl, something fucking dumb has to happen. She didn’t know what to believe, just seeing Jack tearing up broke her but even if she said she meant it. What was gonna come of it? They start dating and then months later he finds out her flaws and hate every bit of her because of it? No. She couldn’t lose his friendship.

“I-i’m sorry Jack…..I was drunk it was a mistake. I think it’s best if we forget about it.” She keeps up a good front till he lets her go and storms out. As soon as the door closed she fell to her knees crying.

It was never a mistake…..

I love you so much it scares me so I’m taking the first opportunity to leave before I break us permanently….

Taglist: @dyttomori @harlowcomehome @itsyagirljaz

[yexthiccxa]

The Angel With Horns Pt. 2

summary: the man you despise, satoru gojo is unfortunately your mentor at jujutsu high. he agreed to help you get with your childhood crush, suguru geto, but things have taken a bit of a turn after that last "mentoring" session

this is a continuation of part 1, but if you don't care about plot, feel free to read this as a one shot (:

wordcount: 9.7k 🙃 (i guess i just get carried away. this is also 4 chapters btw)

c/w: gojo/fem!reader, geto/fem!reader, gojo/oc, geto/oc, modern!au, teacher!au, smut, fluff & smut, some plot, plot what plot, rough!sex, flashbacks, asshole!gojo, flirty!gojo, cocky!gojo, soft!geto, rough!geto, cousin!shoko, mutual pining, confessing, teasing, flirting, playful banter, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, sensual tension, sexual tension, pet names, degradation, fingering, f!masturbation, oral, fantasizing, choking, light gagging, multiple orgasms, inappropriate use of cursed energy, inappropriate use of cursed techniques

a/n: hiii thanks for the love on pt. 1! again this is my first fic so feedback is very much appreciated! will be working on part 3(some) ;)

Read Part 1 Here!

✦✧✸✧✦ 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ✦✧✸✧✦

Chapter 5: Regret

I’m alone with my thoughts, trying to stop the embarrassment from consuming me. I look out the windows before peeking down the hallway—no sign of Satoru anywhere. I realize I’m searching for someone who doesn’t want to be seen.

The intimacy I shared with Sugu—I mean, Satoru, has me conflicted. My mind thinks one thing, but my body feels the other, ultimately bringing me right back where I started. But this time around, my thoughts are coherent enough to take over.

If there’s anyone who would leave without saying goodbye, it’s Satoru. If there’s anyone who would be an absolute tease, it’s Satoru. If there’s anyone who would fuck now and not give a shit later, it’s Satoru. After all this time we spent together, I thought things would change. But now it’s crystal clear: Satoru Gojo will never change.

“Satoru is so annoying,” Shoko grumbled as she barged into my room.

“What’d he do this time?” I asked. With graduation around the corner, all I could think about was passing my exams.

“I asked him out, but he shot me down. He told me it’s because he likes someone else,” Shoko revealed. 

To keep our conversation short, I replied with, “Yeah that sucks I guess, but I’m sure you’re better off just being friends.”

Shoko plopped herself onto my bed, lacing her fingers behind her head while she stared at the ceiling. “Honestly, that’s totally fine—but that’s not the annoying part,” she started. “The annoying part is that he won’t tell me who. He talks about all the girls he hooks up with, but now he wants to keep it a secret? I just don’t get Satoru.”

I let out a sigh, “Maybe he’s just messing with you the same way he does with me. After all, Satoru is such a dick.”

✦✧✸✧✦

I spend the evening doing chores in hopes of forgetting what happened earlier this afternoon. If Satoru is going to be like this, the best thing I can do is to leave the past in the past. With my mentorship being over, I have no reason to even think about him anymore. All I need to do now is stick to the plan and keep my energy focused on Suguru.

Oh, right. Suguru. As the image of him forms in my mind, I’m reminded of our date. I’ve been so caught up with Satoru, I realized that I’m nowhere near prepared for tomorrow.

He said to meet at his place, but are we staying there? Or just meeting, then going out? Should I dress up? Or down? Heels, boots, or sneakers? My internal debate goes on for far too long before I finally decide to give him a call. 

The phone rings and I’m greeted with his signature velvety tone. “Did you miss the sound of my voice?” Suguru asks.

I’m immediately paralyzed, unsure of how to reply.

He lets out a little chuckle, “I’m just kidding. What’s up?”

“Ha. ha. Very funny.” I begin to ease up but butterflies still linger in my core. “I actually just wanted to ask what we’re doing tomorrow. I’m trying to figure out what to wear.”

Suguru pauses for a moment, “I don’t want to give away all the surprises, but let’s keep it simple and say dinner. I can’t tell you where, but just wear whatever makes you feel good.”

A surprise? My body tenses in excitement. “Okay, fine. I can work with this. Thank you! I’ll talk to you later!”

“No problem, see you tomorrow,” He replies.

Before I can hang up, Suguru calls for me one last time. When he gets my attention, he finally says, “I’m really excited for our date. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too.” I hang up the phone, and I can’t seem to wipe the grin off my face. I’m finally going on a real date with Suguru.

✦✧✸✧✦

The next day arrives and at 7pm, I find myself standing in front of Suguru’s door. I’m fixing the dress that I picked out the night before. It’s a black velvet mini dress with sheer cuffed sleeves. The sweetheart neck accentuates my chest, while the fitted flare skirt hugs my curves—the perfect blend of cozy, but classy. My nerves increase after the first knock, but it washes away when the door opens and I see Suguru’s face. 

Although the door is only halfway open, his physical presence still commands the space. His smile is pure and his eyes gaze at me with sincerity. “Please come in,” he says.

When I walk inside to take off my shoes, he closes the door and his footsteps echo towards me. I feel his hand cup the small of my back and a shock jolts through my body. His fingers brush against the zipper of my dress. As he slowly leans down to my ear, he whispers, “You look beautiful tonight.” The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my heart begins to melt.

“Aww, thank you. You’re looking quite handsome yourself,” I reply, smiling in adoration. 

I take a moment to look around the apartment and my eyes widen. Flower petals line the hallway floor, leading me to the living space. The space is larger than I would expect for a Tokyo apartment. Across the room, windows stretch from the floor to the ceiling, making it feel ten times bigger. The lighting is soft, but the glow from the lamps warm up the space.

My eyes continue to wander until they finally land on his dining room table. Though the table is set for two, it’s completely filled with several plates of food. I see perfectly formed pieces of nigiri, various bowls of soup, an array of grilled fish and meats, and bowls of rice neatly placed on the side. 

“Oh my god, Suguru…did you make all of this?” I ask in disbelief.

He nods, curling his mouth into a smile.

“Do you do this for all your dates?” I challenge, raising my brow.

“Nope, just for you.” He makes his way towards the table. “Since you recently moved back, I wanted to make it feel like home.”

I can feel my jaw drop. I try to speak but nothing comes out. “I—I don’t even know where to start,” I finally reply.

He pulls out a seat and offers his hand to me, “You can start by eating.”

It takes everything I have to resist eating everything in one bite, but the taste is so delicious. Each bite is a burst of flavor that sends me to the moon. Even if our date ended here, I would easily be satisfied. When we finish up our meal, I help him pack the leftovers and clean up.

As we’re washing dishes together, I turn to him. “Suguru, thank you for cooking. You’ve always taken such good care of me. I really don’t deserve you.”

He pauses to turn off the water and wipe his hands. I watch him move towards me to cradle my face while his fingers trace the edge of my jawline. “I told you once before and I’ll tell you again, I like taking care of you. Always have, always will.”

We gaze into each other’s eyes, and for a moment, time stands completely still. I gently place my hands on his chest. His heart beats fast, like it’s trying to challenge my own. Is he just as nervous as I am? As I slowly grasp the wrinkles of his shirt, his pulse quickens and his breath becomes shallow. When I see his smile begin to form, I close my eyes and pull him down to meet my lips.

Suguru’s mouth molds into mine and it’s everything I could’ve ever imagined. I love how his lips are soft and his grasp is warm, nothing in this world can compare. As he guides me to the sink, my back arches and I can feel myself getting engulfed into his body. It’s covering me with comfort and protection. I’ve imagined this moment many times and it’s absolute perfectio—he pulls away.

Suguru walks towards the dining room and he mutters something with his head in his hands.

I follow him, tugging at his sleeve. “Hey, is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?”

He finds his way to the couch muttering, “No, no. It’s not you.” After a moment of thought, he continues, ”Sorry, I just thought I could do this but I’m scared of what might happen to us. I don’t want to hurt you, and I definitely don’t want to lose you again.”

I take a seat next to him, placing one hand on his shoulder, and the other over his knee. “Hurt me? Lose me? Again? Suguru, what are you talking about?”

He brushes my arm, hesitant for what comes next. The room is quiet and I can almost hear his heartbeat with mine. “During your last summer here,” he starts. He takes in a breath and slowly lets his words tumble out. “I was talking to Satoru for you—basically telling him to lighten up on the jokes and all that. He seemed to  take it well, but I remember him saying, ‘Fine. But she’s leaving soon anyways so it doesn’t really matter.’ I wasn’t sure what he meant at first, but he ended up telling me that he overheard you talking to Shoko… about moving away.”

My heart drops as memories of that day slowly piece back together…

“Are you really going to leave?” Shoko asked.

I gave an apologetic nod. “It’ll be good for me to get out there, you know? I’d travel the world, learn from other teachers, see if there are bigger and better things out there for me.” I let out a sigh. “I feel like there’s not much here for me anymore.”

“I get it. Well, just know that I’ll miss you. I’m sure the guys will too,” Shoko said as she gave me a hug.

I laughed, “Doubt it.”

I return to the moment and look at Suguru. When he sees tears forming in my eyes, he wipes them away. His hand tightens around mine before he says, “I didn’t think that was true until you told me yourself. It hurt me so much inside but, who was I to stop you from finding yourself or seeing the world? You deserved to do all the things you wanted to do.”

But all I wanted was you. Are you saying you wanted me too? Droplets trickle down my face, but I keep my eyes locked onto his—taking in every single word.

“After you left, I was a mess. I stopped training, so my cursed energy weakened. Then during one of our missions, I fucked up and part of my soul merge with a cursed spirit. When it took over my body, it was strong. It’s a long story, but the main point is— I’m scared to get too close. I don’t think it’s safe.”

I bring myself in closer, moving my hand to his face. “But Suguru, I always feel safe when I’m with you. It’s always been like that, even now…especially now.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’ve trained myself to control it. When I lose my senses, it slips out, and when it slips out…it isn’t pretty—it just doesn’t feel like me. Even though I’m still the same person physically, everything else becomes more intense. The rage, the aggression, all the things in between.”

He pauses, placing his hand around my cheek. “I like you, a lot. But if I ever let anything happen to you…or worse, if I let myself do anything to hurt you, I don’t know what I would do.”

My heart is pounding, my mind goes blank. The world goes silent as his voice becomes an echo. Is this…real? I open my mouth to let my words out, but nothing. I eventually muster up the strength to ask a question, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to, but when you said that you didn’t have anything left here… well, I thought that also meant me. I never wanted to be the one to hold you back.” He retracts and his face becomes resigned.

Before he can pull away, I bring my face to his. “Suguru, I’ve liked you for a very long time. And I appreciate you for letting me live my life, but I promise you—I’m ready for this. For you. For all of you.”

His face softens and shows a smile of relief. “All I want to do is take care of you,” he starts. I can feel his hands tremble. “But I’m scared of the person I’ll become.”

“Suguru…” I lift myself up, slowly climbing over to straddle him. His frame is large, but I still feel myself fit comfortably around him. As I settle myself onto his lap, I feel his bulge pulse against my center. The tension in the air grows as I move myself closer. I let my mouth linger inches away from his and whisper. “I trust you.”

He stops momentarily, savoring every last word that fell from my mouth. His eyes ignite and I can feel fire coursing through his soul. In one second, I feel his breath and in the next, I feel his mouth. He plants a kiss onto my lips, letting his hands roam around me.

Unlike before, this kiss is searing with passion. One hand grabs my hair while the other grabs my ass, and he lays me on the couch until his body is covering me. He pulls away for just a moment before he growls, “Then let me feel you, beautiful.”

Chapter 6: Rough

Something in the room has changed, as though the air has warmed up around us. Traces of Suguru’s cursed energy illuminate the room, forming a blue haze that floats above us. I let out a breath of awe—everything in this moment feels like a dream.

My attention floats back to Suguru as his kisses effortlessly consume me. It’s like he knows all the spots that make me tremble. As he kisses his way down my neck, his hands move to the contours of my curves. When he gets to my chest, he uses his fingers to pull down the neckline of my dress. My heart beats out of me as I’m completely exposed.

He stares for a moment, slowly cupping his hand around my breast. His tongue works my nipple, while my hands grab his hair. The tie on his bun slips and I feel his locks gently fall. The Suguru I’ve known has always been proper—pristine, but the way he looks right now makes him absolutely primal.

As his lips are tugging on me, I feel his hand slip between my thighs. They’re large and overpowering, but they feel so soft as they dance against my skin. There’s no doubt in my mind that his touch is absolutely perfect. His tugs turn into nibbles and a surge of liquid gushes between my legs. As my back arches with pleasure, he pulls off my panties and gently caresses my folds. Suguru brings himself up to kiss me and purrs, “Baby girl, you are soaking wet.”

He continues to treat my breasts with care and I can feel him rub the edges of my slit. I relax myself back into the couch and let the rhythmic passes of his fingers take me—teasing me with every stroke.

“Please Suguru,” I breathe. My voice is needy, unsteady.

He picks up his head while the edge of his mouth curls to the side. Easing his fingers into me, he rumbles, “Anything for you, my love.”

His fingers barely enter me, but the sheer size of them is enough to make me whimper. The thoughts in my head no longer exist. It’s just me, him, and the rush of desire flowing through me. As he glides them back and forth I can feel my juices slip out. My walls contract and pleasure grows between my thighs.

He slides in nice and slow, feeling every inch of the warmth inside of me. The ridges of his fingers press against me, massaging every crevice he can find. Oh how I wish this would never stop.

“Do you like when I touch your pussy like this?” Suguru asks. His voice is sultry and slow.

I can’t find the words so all I do is nod.

He slows down to give me a kiss before his smirk grows into a full on smile. He slides down the couch until he’s near my entrance. “Spread your legs and I can make you feel so much better.”

Whenever he speaks, goosebumps travel across my skin.

He lowers his head and drags his tongue across my slit. It’s wet and warm, emulating the essence of the cream between my legs. His mouth moves all over my center and I can feel myself pulsate against him. He sucks me, licks me, completely consumes me, and all I can do is yell his name. I lock my fingers onto his hair every time he makes me moan.

“You taste so good.” The vibration of his words travel through my walls.

Just like his kisses, his mouth is rough and needy, wanting to taste every bit of me. He swallows every bit of liquid that oozes out and I can tell his mouth is drenched because of me.

As he continues devouring me with his tongue, I feel the length of his fingers tease my entrance. He slides them into me and my moans begin to amplify. My back arches further and the tension continues to build.

His tongue and his fingers move perfectly in sync, I can’t take it. It’s wet, sloppy, and the drumming around my clit leaves me enchanted. I can feel myself reaching my limit.

“Don’t stop,” I pant. My moans become louder and I can feel the tingles creep into my core. “I— I’m gonna come.” 

His pace remains steady, but that doesn’t stop the pleasure from climbing. He doesn’t pick up his head to speak, but the way he drives into me lets me know he’s saying, “Come for me.”

The thought leaves me in absolute heat. I let out one last moan and I feel the orgasm flow through my body. Waves of ecstasy slam against every end of my body. For a moment, I stay still, taking deep breaths and feeling every tingle leave my body. The clouds of Suguru’s cursed energy are still floating around us and I remember that this time, it’s not actually a dream.

I keep my eyes locked on Suguru as he climbs off of the couch. His hair is disheveled and his shirt is wrinkled, but he still looks as handsome as ever. He offers his hand to pull me up, and greets me with a kiss. I feel him pull away, but he remains close and utters softly, “I’m not done with you yet, beautiful.”

He gently turns me around and starts to unzip my dress. As his fingers brush off the fabric on my shoulders he tells me, “I’m warning you now… I’ve done my best to remain steady, but if I start to slip I can’t promise that you’ll like who I become. Are you sure you still want to do this?”

My dress drops to the floor and his gaze roams my body.

I slowly lift up his shirt and pull him close. “It’s okay Suguru, I can take it.”

✦✧✸✧✦

Suguru grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls me into a fevered kiss. His body towers over me as I race to take off the rest of his clothes. When I make my way to his pants, I let my hand graze the length of his cock. He immediately hardens beneath me and the air takes another shift. The haze of blue swirls fade into red and his skin runs hot like fire.

I can barely pull down his slacks before he grabs my waist to pull me up against him. His skin is smooth, his chest is hard, and I can feel him brush against my center. When his strong grip takes a hold of my ass, I wrap my legs around him while he walks us to his room. 

He sets me on the bed and guides me down until my back presses against his sheets. The lights are off, but the red fog illuminates the room—allowing me to make out the contours of his body.

He looms over me and begins to rub my clit. I hum in pleasure and roll my head back.

“You’ve barely even touched me and I’m already breaking,” he growls. He takes another look at my body and I can feel the hunger in his eyes. “You are god damn beautiful.”

Suguru uncovers his cock, and I can feel my eyes widen. He’s big. And I mean big. As he tugs against it, I feel my eyes locking onto him—he’s mesmerizing.

“Is something the matter, princess?” he smirks. His brow arches like it’s a challenge. “Like you said… you can take it.”

I do my best to bite back a smile as my heart continues to race. The haze grows brighter around us.

Suguru lowers himself onto the bed, guiding himself into me. He stretches me so wide, forcing me to moan—but I know it’s only the tip. He continues to ease himself inside and I can’t help but gasp for air.

Once my walls adjust to his size, he grips my thighs and picks up his tempo. I can feel his whole length beat against my cervix. I cry in pleasure as my back arches and my eyes begin to shut.

“Eyes on me, baby girl. The whole time.” My eyes shoot open and see a fiendish smile dance across his face. “Now show me how much of a slut you can be.”

He moves one hand up my body, stopping to stroke my nipple, before landing on the edge of my neck. His fingers gently press on the sides of my throat, leaving just enough passage for air to flow through. His touch is violent, his voice is stern, but all of it has me dripping in delight.

My mind goes numb, registering only the feelings of pleasure and pain. I knew he was large, but the magnitude of his cock leaves me speechless. I keep my gaze fixed on him as he drives inside me, making me cry out louder each time. All I can make out is, “Fuck, Suguru.”

“That’s my girl. Louder,” he growls. “Let me hear how much you need me.”

My moans begin to amplify, but that only makes his thrusts go deeper. I don’t know who this Suguru is, but he tames me like an animal and fucks me like a beast. Everything about this makes me crave him so much more. My thighs clench at the thought, making the juices leave my body. “Fuck—that feels…so—good.” My words are breathy and labored.

“Your pussy is so tight. Fitting for a little slut like you.” He releases briefly and forcefully flips me over. As he grabs a fistfull of my hair to pull me close to his face, I feel him whisper. “Let’s see how well you can take me from behind.”

He keeps his grip wrapped in my hair, and my head presses into his chest. I feel his power surge through me as he pushes his way back inside. My center is so wet, he makes driving into me seem effortless. When he rams into the front of my walls, I feel myself squeeze around him.

Suguru releases my hair, but he wastes no time. His fingers move to hook into my mouth, leaving every part of my body filled. His other hand remains painfully gripped around my waist. I struggle to catch my breath when his pressure doesn’t let up.

“You feel so good, baby girl. I could fuck you forever.” The vibration of his voice tickles the side of my throat. His pace is steady but his movements are rough and relentless.

Every beat has me screaming in desire.

Suguru lets his hands trail from my mouth to my center and uses the wetness on his fingers to rub my clit. I’m overwhelmed with pleasure as I feel my folds throb against him. With my mouth free, he plants hungry kisses onto my lips and I can feel my body wanting to release.

His hips continue to strike into me, causing tears to well into my eyes. They fall down my cheek, but his tongue slowly cleans it up before he returns his mouth back to mine.

The pressure inside grows and I feel my climax calling for me. He’s so good. All of him feels so good. I can’t stop thinking about the way he looks, the way he feels, how perfect he is inside of me. “Please don’t stop, I’m—gonna—” I can barely speak, let alone breathe. “Come.”

“As my little slut should. Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” His breath quickens and the way his body moves tells me he’s close too. “Do you want me to come inside of you?”

I moan with pleasure and that’s the only confirmation he needs.

Suguru roars in desire, but the volume of my cry rivals him. I feel him release inside of me as tides of my orgasm flow through my body. My ears are ringing and my fingers go numb.

His come feels hot as it shoots up through me. As his grip tenses around me, I can feel them leaving bruises on my skin. He catches his breath and slowly glides his way out of me. I can feel his liquid dripping down my thighs.

I let myself settle back down onto the bed, feeling the remnants of my orgasm drift away.

Suguru adjusts himself so that his mouth hovers inches away from my ear. “Thank you for gracing me with that perfect little pussy.” he whispers.

No, Suguru. Thank you.

Chapter 7: Relax

The morning comes and the sun beams brightly through the windows. I wake up and see Suguru’s arm wrapped around me. His embrace gives me comfort, and I never want to let go. As I adjust myself to see his face, I notice how the rays of sun bounce off his back. The light illuminates the outline of his silhouette—he is truly an angel.

I think back last night—how raw, powerful, and commanding he was. But as I look at him now, I see that there’s no sign of the animal he once was. His eyes are softly shut, his mouth is calm, and his hair is gently swept across his face. I brush back the strands that have fallen, and place a delicate kiss on his cheek. With one last look of admiration, I slowly inch my way out of the bed to grab a glass of water.

“No, don’t go,” he softly groans. He’s half asleep, but his grasp pulls me right back next to him. He caresses the contours of my naked body, and I’m reminded of how good it feels to have his hands around me.

I let out a little chuckle, “I’m getting water, I’ll be right back.” I give him another kiss and he surrenders. I hear him grumble but he doesn’t fight back as I wiggle my way out of the bed.

I make my way through the living room, and back to the kitchen. Sunlight pours through the windows, unveiling the aftermath of our night. Our clothes are everywhere, the furniture is skewed, and the pillows from the couch have been dumped on the floor.

As I pick up the mess, I hear the door unlock and my heart immediately drops into my stomach. Fuck. I’m completely bare. Running back to the room would take too much time, so I race to put on the shirt that Suguru wore the night before. Who the hell is even at the…oh, it’s Satoru. I forgot they were roommates.

When I realize it’s Satoru, I feel my heart stop and a powerful rage fills me. I’m reminded of the anger, the horror, and the embarrassment I felt Friday afternoon. I thought I could look past it, but I let my emotions consume me.

As the door closes, I hear a vexing voice drifting my way. “Looks like someone had a little fun last night.”

I march up to him as the hems of Suguru's shirt brush against my knees. “What the hell is your problem, Satoru?”

He continues setting down his belongings. “For someone who looks like they had great sex, you seem a little feisty.” His tone is mellow, his grin is smug. It’s everything I hate about him. 

All I want to do is scream, but with Suguru asleep, my voice remains hushed. “One—yes, I did have great sex, thank you for noticing. But two—I’m furious with you. What happened on Friday? You literally just left me there.  And three—What is your problem? What kind of sick person does that?”

Satoru leans himself against the table. “Listen, angel. I did you a favor.”

I rush in front of him to block the noise from traveling too far. “Keep it down,” I snap at him.

Satoru picks himself up and takes a step towards me. His face hovers over me and I can feel my heart shudder. Our gaze latches onto each other as he softly whispers in my ear. “You seemed like you were enjoying yourself there, and trust me… while I would’ve loved to go further, I couldn’t take that away from Suguru.”

My arms cross and my stare remains unwavering. I scoff in his face. “You are so annoying. What makes you think I would ever let you have sex with me?”

“You wouldn’t?” He fires back quickly.

My jaw drops. I want to shoot back, but I’m at a complete loss for words. The hesitation is enough for his look to become even more self-assured.

He steps a bit closer and the heat from his body warms the air. “I’m just kidding angel. Although, I’m sure Suguru wouldn’t mind sharing.”

I push him back with enough force for him to bump the table. “Satoru!”

He makes his way around me and charges straight for the rooms. “You know what? We can just ask him about that right now. Hey Su—”

“Satoru, shut up!” I try to pull him back but his force is too strong.

A raspy voice emerges. “Good morning,” Suguru appears from the hallway leading to the room. He looks at us and breaks into a gentle laughter. “I guess some things never change with you two.”

He walks over to me, wrapping his hand around my waist to give me a kiss. “Nice shirt.”

My cheeks flush as I'm reminded that all I have on is Suguru’s oversized tee. I cling to him in embarrassment.

Satoru watches us move to the couch as he grabs a drink from the refrigerator. His brow perks up with interest. “This is new. Looks like you two had a fun night,” he calls from across the room.

I feel my eyes burn as I glare at him.

Suguru wraps his arm around me as a gesture of reassurance and I settle into his arms. “Satoru, relax. Don’t you have other women to fuck or bother? Leave mine alone.” He kisses me on the forehead and I look up at him with affection.

Satoru grabs his drink and strolls to his room. “Yes, your majesty,” he mocks Suguru lovingly. He turns to me with a sarcastic bow. “Sorry m’lady, please go about your day.”

I roll my eyes at him before directing my attention to Suguru. “How do you do that?” I ask curiously.

“Do what?” he replies.

“I don’t know, wrangle him? Satoru always listens to you.”

“I get him out of so many things, he basically owes me for life.”

“You’re always looking out for everyone, aren’t you?" I smile because this is the Suguru I know and love. Nothing about him could ever scare me away.

He turns to look at me like I’m the only person in the world. “But it’s only fun when I get to do it for you.”

✦✧✸✧✦

Our morning together is exactly what I hoped it would be. We spend a good bulk of our time preparing breakfast—grilling fish and whipping up tamagoyaki, just to scarf it down with a side of rice.

Unfortunately for me, Satoru joins us for the meal. However, I’m pleasantly surprised when he decides to keep the conversation tame. As much as I hate the guy, he’s not completely intolerable. We spend a few moments cracking jokes and I watch them playfully argue about who would win in a fight. As I look around the table, I smile. I’m overjoyed with the feelings of nostalgia that whip through my soul.

After we finish cleaning up our meal, Satoru heads back into his room while Suguru and I plop ourselves on the couch. He rests one elbow on the armrest, and the other around my shoulder. I snuggle myself into him and rest my head on his chest. He plants a kiss on my forehead and His eyes light up with his genuine smile.

I've shared many years of my life with Suguru, yet none of them have been quite like this. His cuddles comfort me, his kisses revive me, and his touch—well, his touch ignites me in ways I can’t describe.

“You know, I could stay like this forever,” I say to him.

“What do you mean?” His brow lifts.

“Being cuddled up against you. It’s the best feeling.” I smile because it’s true.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is great,” he begins. “But I can think of a couple more things that might feel better.” He moves from the armrest, letting his fingers graze my chest and dance down my body. He lifts up the hem of my shirt.

A jolt of arousal runs through me when I feel the pads of his fingers rub against my panties.

“Suguru!” I playfully push him off with a smile.

He raises his brow and smirks. “What’s wrong? Don’t think you can handle another round?”

“Satoru is right there,” I murmured, carefully keeping my voice down.

Suguru adjusts himself to get a better angle of my lips and presses his mouth against mine. “He can fuck off. Let him see.”

My attention is immediately averted when I hear a passing voice coming from the bathroom.

“I’m right here,” Satoru calls out as he crosses the opening in the hallway.

Without breaking the kiss, Suguru lifts his hand from me, and I shift my eyes to see his middle finger raised at Satoru. I chuckle.

Satoru returns to his room and shuts the door. Once we’re back to being alone, Suguru returns my kisses and focuses his attention back to my folds.

The pleasure rises as I feel his lips part and he slips his tongue into my mouth. He hums against my lips as his fingers gently rub my clit. No matter how many times he touches me, I still feel a rush. My body gets lighter as it drifts away, in search of euphoria and I mutter curses under my breath. I wish this feeling would never stop. My thighs begin to clench as I feel liquid form between them. This is so— 

Buzz. I hear his phone chime on the table. He silences it and stays fixated on me. 

Buzz. He tries to ignore it, hoping it will pass.

Buzz. He hesitates. Now completely distracted, he momentarily breaks away. “I’m so sorry. Do you mind if I take this real quick?”

I nod, moving from him so he can get up to take the call. I can’t really make out the conversation, but judging from his tone, it doesn’t seem great.

He hangs up the phone and shoots me with an apologetic smile, “Yaga needs me to help with some curse clean up, but it shouldn’t take long. I promise. Do you mind if I step away for a little bit?”

My brow furrows. “Why doesn’t he ever call for Satoru’s help?”

“For what it’s worth, he does call him. But have you met Satoru?”

“Yeah you’re right.” I remember our conversation from earlier. I get him out of so many things, he basically owes me for life. Damn you, Satoru. You owe him—or rather me, big time. I let out a sigh as disappointment washes over me.

Suguru gives me a soft kiss, though he knows that isn’t enough to satisfy the arousal between my legs. “I’m so sorry. Feel free so stay if you want, make yourself feel at home,” he starts. “It’s 12 right now, so I’ll probably be back in an hour—two hours, max. I promise.”

As he gathers himself together, Satoru approaches from his room and appears in the hallway crossing. He rests his arm on the edge of the frame and directs himself to Suguru. “Hey, I heard some shuffling, are you going somewhere?”

My eyes widen as I notice Satoru’s body stretched along the wall. He’s only wearing a pair of sweats while his top is completely bare. The sun from the windows hits the contours of his muscles, making his skin glisten. His white hair rests gently on his face as he tilts his head in curiosity. The blue in his eyes are centered on Suguru but the color still pierces my vision from afar.

My gaze goes from the top of the frame and travels down the length of Satoru’s forearms. It reaches the subtle curves of his bicep and slowly creeps down to the lines of his chest and the ridges of his abs. His build is lean, and his body is defined. My eyes slowly roam as they follow the lines of the V-shaped trail that leads right down to—fuck. Stop.

What am I doing?

I snap out of it and return to find myself plugged in mid-conversation.

“...I can go if you want,” Satoru finishes. 

Suguru continues to round up his things, but pauses to place an arm on Satoru’s shoulder and sighs. “I would love that, truly. But no offense, you’d probably get yourself into trouble. Yaga would just call me anyways to clean up your mess too.” He turns to me with a regretful look, pleading for forgiveness. “It’s just faster if I do it myself, I promise I’ll be quick.”

Satoru huffs as he rolls his eyes. “You’re right, but offense has still been taken.”

One more kiss and Suguru heads to the door. “Be a good mentor and take care of her while I’m gone. Try not to be an asshole.” His voice trails, but he stops momentarily to give me one last heartfelt smile. The door closes and my gut churns as I’m left staring at a shirtless Satoru.

Satoru lifts himself off of the frame and heads back to his room. Before the door shuts, he mockingly calls out, “Don’t worry angel, I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

I shake my head and let out an exasperated breath. Even when he’s being cordial, he still gets under my skin.

With Suguru gone, I’m unsure of what to do. My core still feels tight and there’s the lingering arousal between my legs. Satoru has locked himself in his room, so it feels like I have most of the apartment to myself. I use this as the perfect opportunity to draw myself a bath so I can finally relax. 

✦✧✸✧✦

Stepping into the tub, the immediate warmth cocoons me. It reminds me of being wrapped in Suguru’s embrace. I take a few moments to unwind, feeling the comfort of the water against my skin. My head rests on the edge of the tub as I close my eyes and let my mind drift…

Slowly…

Slowly…

Drift…

My vision jumps to Suguru as he hums into my breasts and teases my folds. His touch is warm and playful, but it’s no surprise that I long for more. The image in my mind is clear, but the feeling falls short. I let my hands slip between my thighs and let the gentle pressure of my fingers fuel my fantasy.

The image shifts, and I envision how Suguru’s frame completely overpowers me. His shoulders are wide, his muscles are thick, and I let my eyes trail down his beautiful body. The contours of his abs feel like steel, but his skin is smooth as his hips rock against me. My gaze reaches his cock and it’s already trickling in arousal.

He teases me, gently sliding the tip across my slit. I bite my lip to hold back my whimper. When he sees how needy I am for him, he guides his length into me and I feel him expand my walls. I let myself mimic the motions with my hands and a rush of pleasure flows through me.

Suguru grinds his hips, thrusting everything he has into me until my pussy is completely filled. The rhythmic motion leaves me dizzy and I can feel my vision beginning to blur. The tension inside me boils as I imagine the friction of his cock massaging me. All of his ridges compliment my own and I can feel myself drip with desire.

Suguru’s presence invades my thoughts and a moan escapes my breath. As I feel myself pulsate against the pressure of my fingers, a devilish voice drifts through my head. Though I can’t make out the voice, the thought just fuels my fire.

“He would tell you you’re soaking wet,” I continue working my clit until I’m on the brink of pleasure. I squirm as the tingles of my orgasm begin to peek over the horizon.

“He would say you’re god damn beautiful,” The words make my core flutter and my center continues to throb. I’m close, so close. The image in my head flips.

“Does he make you feel good?” Yes. So good. A vision of Satoru pounding into me resonates through my body. I’m about to—

“Yes, angel. Come for—” Fuck.

My eyes immediately shoot open when I realize the narrator of my thoughts. No, no, no, no. That did not just happen. I feel like I just woke up from a mortifying nightmare. But…if it’s a nightmare, then why do I still feel myself quiver? Stop.

I grab my towel and I shake my head to wipe away the image. As I let the bath drain, I find myself deep in thought. Why the hell is Satoru in my head and how do I get him out? I press my fingertips against my temples. Please just leave.

I try to collect myself, but memories of Friday with Satoru flood my brain. I get flashbacks of his fingers pressing into me and I immediately feel weak. I remember his tongue on my center and it makes my heart skip a beat. Stop. In my haste, I bolt out the door and collide into a large figure. 

I lift my head up to see Satoru standing before me. The warmth of his skin bounces off of me. “What the hell are you doing?” My voice is raised, but he doesn’t realize it’s because he invaded my thoughts. 

Satoru furrows his brow with one hand holding a towel around his waist, and the other raised up in defense. “Whoa, can’t I take a bath in my own house?”

My pupils dilate when I realize our towels are the only thing in between our bodies. It takes every bit of willpower to not let my eyes linger below his waist. I decide to keep my head down and swiftly maneuver past him. “Oh, right. Fine, just go ahead.” I get to the front of Suguru’s door, and my hand hovers over the knob.

Before I can turn it, Satoru calls out to me. “By the way, I noticed you were a little loud in there.” I try to move, but my body stands still. ”Were those moans for me?”

I’m frozen in shock. I tilt my head to see if his gaze is darting towards me—it’s not. Instead, all I see is his towel drop, but the door shuts before I can see it hit the floor. Nice ass—Stop.

My cheeks flush, my heart races, and I’m pretty sure my entire soul has left my body. How do I leave every interaction with Satoru feeling absolutely mortified?

Chapter 8: Repeat

Were those moans for me? No. Yes—I mean kinda? So what if they were? Fucking hell, this cannot be happening right now. Stupid Satoru and his stupid charm.

As I struggle to push the thoughts aside, I check the clock and it’s 12:30 pm. It’s only been thirty minutes since Suguru left. That’s okay, I can just relax in his room and avoid Satoru for the next hour and a half. I let out a groan and try to figure out my next move.

I set the towel down and look at my options for clothing—Suguru’s shirt from last night, dirty. The dress that I wore here, dirty. My panties sitting on the floor, soaked… and dirty. With my options limited, I settle for a fresh t-shirt from Suguru’s dresser, hoping he won’t mind. Similar to the last one, this one barely grazes my knees—but it’s cozy nonetheless.

I spend some time mindlessly scrolling away on my phone, until my stomach starts to growl—I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I tiptoe my way to the door and press my ear against the wood to see if there’s any sign of Satoru in the common space. It seems quiet, so I think the coast is clear—but of course, it isn’t.

Satoru is sitting at the dining table with his headphones in. He looks like he’s intently watching something on his phone. His hair is a bit wet, and he still hasn't gotten around to putting on a shirt. Can’t blame him though, it is his apartment after all. After a moment, he notices that I’ve stepped out of Suguru’s room and pauses the video to talk to me.

“Oh hey, you’re alive! I thought you were either masturbating, napping, or dead so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I give him a half smile, spotting an unfinished plate of food resting in front of him. It reminds me why I went out in the first place.

“You’re probably hungry. Here, I can warm up something for you.” Before I can protest, he’s already up to grab me a plate, some chopsticks, and containers from the refrigerator.

“Oh okay, thanks.” Satoru hasn’t teased me yet. In fact, he’s actually being nice? So far so good. I take a seat at the table and try to figure out what’s playing on his phone. “What are you watching?”

“It’s this movie about some mad scientist who turns—”

“People into worms,” I help finish off his sentence.

He smiles. “Yeah, Human Earthworm 4. You know it? One of my students keeps pestering me to watch it. It’s messed up, but I actually think it’s kinda funny.”

“Yeah, I knew I recognized it! I’ve seen this one before and it’s pretty good. Unlike the others, this one feels more like a romance.” I reply with a laugh. 

After setting down my food, Satoru disconnects his headphones and moves his plate to the spot next to mine. He props his phone in between us and we spend the last 20 minutes of the movie eating our lunch, huddled closely together around his phone. His body heat radiates as our shoulders touch, sending a brief shock through me.

When we finish our meal, I wipe down the table while he washes the dishes in the sink. We laugh about the movie, share sentiments about the storyline, Satoru even comes up with theories on what Human Earthworm 5 would be like. In moments like this, I’m reminded of the times in our mentorship where we actually got along. This is nice—this Satoru is nice.

As I finish putting the last container back into the fridge, I hear him turn off the faucet. I turn around to see him dry his hands and lean on the edge of the counter. I can tell something in his demeanor has changed. His mouth opens to say something, but he decides to keep it shut.

“Is everything okay?”

He looks away, scratching the back of his head as if he’s nervous to speak. “So, you never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“Your bath. Your moans. Were they—”

I immediately cut him off while my eyes roll, and my shoulders drop. I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up, but I should’ve known better. All Satoru wants to do in life is get under my skin. “I really don’t understand you. I know you’re capable of being a nice and normal human being, so why do you insist on antagonizing me like this?”

He takes a step forward, like it’s a challenge. “You’re not denying it, so I can’t be completely wrong.”

My mouth twitches open, but I hesitate. I guess I’m not denying it.

Satoru moves another inch closer, causing me to take a small step back. His powerful presence is all I can feel. His velvety tone delivers his words nice and slow. “Do you want to know the beauty of the Six Eyes, angel? It means that I can see everything.”

I feel the heat rush to my cheeks and I take in a sharp breath. Everything? What does he mean by everything? “Wh—What are you talking about?” I stammer.

His words are paced and methodical. “I see the way your cursed energy changes every time I walk in the room.”

There’s silence.

“...I can see the way it gravitates towards me when I rest on the doorframe, and the way it struggles to hold your gaze up when I’m wrapped in a towel.”

The sound of my heart fills the room.

“...I see the way it vibrates when you try to get a glimpse of my ass.”

My jaw drops open, but nothing comes out.

“...And I definitely see it sync with your heartbeat whenever I whisper in your ear.”

His hand grazes my shoulder while the other gently caresses my waist. I let him. My gaze locks onto his and I’m completely hypnotized.

Satoru slowly leans down and stops until his face is next to mine. “You want me, angel.”

I stiffen my spine, in hopes of him seeing that I won’t back down. But who am I kidding? I’ve already been caught in his trap. As I take in the scent of his freshly bathed body, I feel myself gush between my thighs. In that instant, I’m reminded that my only piece of clothing is an oversized shirt. “So what if I do?”

Satoru smiles, gently pinning me against the refrigerator. He places his forehead on top of mine and can feel his gaze burn through me. “Do you remember the rules I told you about on your first day back?”

One—If you want me, don’t want me.

Two—If you need me, don’t need me.

Three—If you need my help, help yourself first.

I let him lift my chin and gently kiss my lips. “I think they were for me more than they were for you. Because right now, I want you too.” 

When I kiss him back, I feel his touch become more needy. I haven’t said a single word, but he knows my actions speak louder. He grabs my waist and flips me around so that my hips are pinned against his counter, allowing him to go deeper into the kiss. His grip is demanding, desperate to feel every bit of my body.

“I played nice and let Suguru have his fun, but I’m telling you right now—I need you.” He briefly pulls away and I see a rush of desire filling his hungry eyes. “So please angel, help me.”

I direct one of his hands to the bulge of his pants and the other underneath my shirt and in between my legs.  “How about you help yourself first.”

“No panties? Angel, you’re making this way too easy.” Satoru tugs down his pants to reveal his cock, stroking it as he teases my folds. He drops his forehead onto my shoulder and I hear him groan as he pleases himself. The size of his length is enough to make me gasp. I watch his large hands tug on it before my vision is blocked by Satoru pressing his lips into mine.

My arms stretch back onto the counter and I can feel the coolness of the sink spike through my fingers. My head rolls back and the rays of sunlight blind me as Satoru kisses his way down my neck.

“I always thought you were a good girl,” he growls in my ear. “I never expected you to prove me wrong.”

The words send shivers down my spine and I immediately tangle my fingers into his hair. He slides his fingers inside of me and my slick oozes out onto his hands. I feel the warmth of his pads, the ridges of his knuckles, I feel everything. He glides himself in and out, and the pressure instantly makes my walls convulse.

He continues to jack himself off and his breath becomes labored. The warmth in his breath hugs me as his kisses move back to my mouth. He’s desperately clinging to my lips and I can hear his groans as I tug on his hair.

He breaks away, panting, leaving our faces inches from each other. “Do you want to know the real reason I left that day?” he reveals. 

My gaze locks onto his beautiful blue eyes.

“If I stayed, I would’ve wanted more. I would’ve dropped my limitless and it would be over.” Satoru slows down the pace of his fingers, and I feel myself dripping down on him with excitement. I guide the rest of his pants off and he gently lifts off my shirt.

The softness of his skin roams my body, leaving a trail of fire within me. When his hands are done searching, he drags them up to cup my face. “I left because… If I had the chance to feel you, and I mean really feel you, I would’ve fucked you until your legs give out.”

My mouth twitches and I raise my brow to challenge him. “Prove it.”

Before I can even think, Satoru’s hands race to grab a hold of my thighs. He lifts me up until my elbows are resting on the counter and my feet are off the floor. His grip is powerful as he drives his cock straight into me. No easing, no adjusting, just pure thrusting. I immediately throw my head back and moan in sincere delight, knocking over the dish rack behind me.

His hands venture over to my ass, squeezing so hard like he wants to milk every last bit of me. I don’t mind the bruises as long as it showers me with bliss. The pounding of his hips against mine reverberates through the entire room. All I hear is our moans mix with groans and he’s fucking me senseless like a messy symphony of pleasure and pain. 

As his cock drills into me, I feel my back ache as he presses me into the counter. The edges dig into me, but the arousal between my legs overpowers it all. “Fuck.”

When Satoru notices, he eases his stroke to pick me up, and carries me to the table. “Maybe this will be a little more comfortable for you.”

I feel my cheeks touch the surface and slowly lower my back onto the wood. Satoru picks up one of my legs and throws it over his shoulder. Once he settles, he resumes pace and doesn’t let up. Whatever angle he has me at has his cock ramming directly into the sensitive spot in my pussy. I struggle to find a grip on the table, causing the vase of faux plants to crash. 

“Angel, you are so tight.” His words have my moans growing louder by the second. How can I be an angel when Satoru fucks me like he’s the god damn devil?

His pace slowly increases and I feel my orgasm works its way to my core. “S—so close.”

Satoru removes his hold from my waist and brings his fingers to his mouth. He wraps his lips around them, before placing them on my clit. The initial shock stuns me, causing my walls to contract. He works with an even pressure, smearing all of my slick around me. The vibrations of his fingers build up inside of me and I can feel my body on the brink of release. He gives one last thrust, knocking down a chair and shaking the table, and I immediately crumble.

My orgasm shoots out from my core, down my legs, and through my toes. I let out a moan but it feels like my cry can be heard from miles away. The pleasure overtakes me and a rush of ecstasy floods my brain. My eyes snap shut, my body tenses, but as my orgasm fades, I wonder if I just died and got railed to heaven.

Satoru falls over me, panting hard to catch his breath. He lifts his head and curls his mouth into a smile. I return his smile with a complementary chuckle.

I slowly prop myself up when suddenly, a voice suddenly emerges from the hallway. “Satoru, you cheeky little bastard. When I said take care of her, I didn’t mean it like that.” Fuck. Suguru.

My mind goes blank and I can’t even move. Satoru’s head perks up as he turns to face Suguru. The air is tense and the silence lingers for far too long. Time slows down and it feels like no one has moved in what feels like hours. As I focus my attention on Suguru, I’m puzzled to see the reaction on his face. I fully expect anger and rage, but it’s…not?

“Hey, I—” Satoru starts.

Suguru lifts up his brow and the side of his mouth twitches into a smirk. “Well, are you going to let me join, or am I just gonna sit here and watch?”

As my eyes widen, Satoru turns his head back towards me. “See angel, I told you he wouldn’t mind sharing.”

Read Part 3 Here