#was talking abt this yesterday and idk its just crazy to think abt how so many groups will have a random minor

[songtwo]

most of the time i feel like im just an average person like i know im really lucky to be living my dreams working a job i love in the city i always wanted to live in like i know im a very lucky and privileged person bc most ppl don’t get any of that but most of the time i also forget it’s not just that like most ppl in my hometown never get out and don’t even go to college and like even in my family im still the only one to ever attend university and move to the city which is just crazy like it’s so crazy to me to think im not really average specially not where i come from which is idk so weird

[itsalwaysdark]

i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

[1eos]

they really just gave vixx a child (hyuk) and leo was like oh goddamnit not only do i have to carry everyone vocally i have to raise this fucking toddler too....and he did...not the mother but the mother that stepped UP

[gorgeouslypink]

hey pink!

i was hoping you could offer some encouragement and advice to me. basically the entire luckyvoidgirl thing yesterday, i acctually liked her success story, it made sense to me and i even listened to cee's subliminal and my parents ended up saying i don't have to go to this dumb event i was dreading so im even seeing successes with it

the thing was she said something that i can't stop thinking about. she said that a lot of tumblr is just misinformation and that the original blog that brought the void to tumblr was divineangelbee and she was exposed for lying about the void. everyone just copied whatever she said and kept spreading the same stuff she put out but her own experience was all a lie. it really got me thinking about how educated this community is about loa, like the void state and loa is so intertwined. luckyvoidgirl never said she used loa and she did something different but she got so much flack bc the void community on tumblr is so deeprooted in loa, possibly bc of angel. but anyways for a community that is so deeprooted in loa, so many people haven't entered and even worse, so many bloggers have been exposed for lying about their success story. the crazy thing is its so easy to lie on tumblr so the fact that so many have gotten caught makes me wonder how many we haven't even caught and really how does a community that knows loa struggle like this.

idk i just can't stop thinking about this and was hoping for some guidance.

hey love! im technically on break but you're not the only one spiraling so i rlly wanted to answer this.

first of all, i want to say she's just lying and this community is great but i can't. the truth of the matter is she is right. the person who brought the void to tumblr was @divineangelbee and she was the one who went around saying it was super easy and anyone can do it and she was and is still pretty much the blueprint for how a lot of voidstate tumblr thinks, but she was exposed for harassing her friends to enter the void for her. since then, many other bloggers who basically parrot the same thing as her have been exposed as well.

however i want to highlight something here. just because someone preaches something and it doesn't work out for them doesn't mean it's false. this is a super old argument, like back when bloggers like cleo and raven were super popular but people were arguing abt Sammy Ingram. basically she was a big affirm and persist girlie and people were going at her for saying this but never losing any weight (her main goal with manifestation was to lose weight but she never did and just gaslighted anyone who pointed it out, saying they were bodyshaming her). while something was off for sammy (maybe she didn't persist or maybe she just didn't bother doing her method at all), her method worked for so many people. there's boatloads and boatloads of success stories from her videos and methods. so someone can be lying about the void and still be giving legit advice.

however, the void state community on tumblr DOES have a lot of misinformation. ive seen people claim the void state is just SATS, just alpha state, theta state, delta state, it's acc just a placebo for you to guarantee manifestations, and all sorts of nonsense. now there's a new addition, people who tell you to pay money and they'll get you into the void state. it's honestly crazy how hard the community went against the luckyvoidgirl but not some of the other stuff i see here.

but anyways, what do you do?

you need to realize that you entering the void has nothing to do with the state of the void community on tumblr. people lying abt entering the void doesnt make the void a lie, it makes them a liar.

ive been in that position where i hailed bloggers and felt attached to this community so drama here messed with me internally. you shouldn't be doing that. please read my Doubts post where i talk about overcoming this and also provide many sources of proof that the void is real so that you don't need to rely on tumblr to know that:

also it helps to find a few reputable sources. i just wanted to give a shout out to someone rn: @voidprincessblog

her page is the page i would recommend to everyone. you can tell the amount of research and effort she puts into every post and you can trust her to be a reputable source on info.

im going to attach this other post of mine for you as well:

i wish you the best of luck on your void journey and hope this helps! 💟

[hijackalx]

*SOME DURGE QUEST SPOILERS*

***NONCON AND DRUG USE MENTIONS***

GORTASH SFW HEADCANONS:

ok to start i think when he was a prisoner his hair got rlly long and unkept and he hateddd it so the minute he escaped he chopped that shit off himself and thats why its so unruly lol (*EDIT he always cuts his own hair is what im sayin)

this man is such a taurus like everything about him screams taurus. has a taurus stellium fosho

would listen to superheaven

hes also sooo jenny by studio killers, disco man by remi wolf, happiness by the 1975 coded with Durge 😩😩

with durge hes also giving bf that ur dad hates but like thats canon. i think he likes that hes able to influence durge to the point that they rebel lol. the type of boy u run away with when ur younger

probably BLASTED jet black heart by 5SOS on repeat when Durge disappeared LMFAOO

also i kind of feel like the fearless buff to his clothing is more an insight to his character rather than him needing magic to not be fearful bcz he literally got the shit beat out of him everyday and lived in HELL how can he not be desensitized to everything at that point 😭😭😭 it does not get much worse than that my boy

hes so thique like hes just a big boned dude. tiddies SO fat too EUGH + thick shoulders/arms. he feels so warm and safe i just know it i just KNOW it gurl

also idk if it was supposed to happen but in my latest playthrough during the fight with him he dropped his bow and just started beating the shit out of us 😭😭😭😭 all hands baby like WHAT 😭😭 so i like to think thats his preferred method of fighting idk if thats canon tho i feel like i seen somebody talking abt that before but mightve just been another hc

occasionally does drugs. likes the ones that make him feel really elated (idk what theyre called in bg3 its some kind of dust or something) ALSO HC THAT HE WAS ON SOMETHING WHEN HE WROTE RHAT FUCKED UP NOTE TO FRANC (WAS THAG HIS NAME U GUYS KNOW THE NOTE) HE WAS OBVIOJSLY TRIPPING BALLSSSSS

lots of body hair…… everywhere……. straight and black body hair. that is so sexy to me let me smell the pheromones in your armpits king LMFAO (i think theres something wrong with me)

going off of rhat yes i think he smells good (DIVINE, even) as a woman that is feral and in heat all the time. but to normal ppl he may smell kind of weird. not STINKY stinky but like when u dont shower and ur natural scent starts to mix with the perfume/cologne ur wearing SORRY 😭😭😭 im trying to be realistic here. or maybe like when u wake up and didnt shower the night before and u can still smell the perfume/cologne u put on yesterday. basically what im saying is he might need to shower

hes just so masculine it drives me crazy I LOVE MEN !!!!!!!!!! I LOVE EEENERM. ME E WN

love language:

giving = lowkey getting acts of service vibes here but u didnt hear it from me 🤫🤐 gift giving too. tav is just his widdle babie and he wants to make sure theyre the happiest they can be 🥺😩

receiving = acts of service LMAO give and get back type of shit

relationship wise i think he is the most doting and sweetest person. like tav will never have to worry abt anything ever again bcz he will handle everything. takes care of them cuz they are his king/queen ����

GORTASH NSFW HEADCANONS:

yeah going off that last hc he is sweet outside the bedroom but a menace in it. its just the way he is. its probably exhausting too 😩 like if u ask him to be gentler/less intense he will try for a while but probably wont enjoy it as much. he doesnt like to hold back.

i WILL say tho ☝🏻🤨 i think when he gets close to finishing he gets a little more soft/loving. he just has to get his badness out first yall its fine

HIGH libido wants to smash all the time. he also (POSSIBLE NONCON MENTION !!!!!!!) thinks that since ur his u should be willing to give it up whenever he wants it. (NONCON MENTION OVER) i think in the bedroom he sees u as a servant even if ur considered his equal normally. like hes a chosen of bane he has to feel like he has control over u in SOME way

can be selfish depending on his mood. sometimes he doesnt see u as anything other than a toy (lowkey hard for me to admit but i NEVA LIE GIRLS !!!!! 🙅🙅🙅) like can be such a fucking asshole about it too

BUT !!! when he is feeling generous he is soooo generous. EUGH like he will make sure u enjoy urself!!!! probably multiple times !!!!!!!!!!!!

dont know why nobody else has said he has a daddy kink. so obvious like call him daddy ms thing he will nut so hard. oh corruption kink too. like can u imagine Durge being so innocent when they first met cuz they were never allowed to get close to anybody and hes just sooo into it HELLO i got to write that fic NEOW

omg breeding kink too give him heirs. will fuck the shitttt out of u in a mating press. probably comes a lot too almost impossible not to get pregnant with him LMAO

likes to pick u up and fuck u. manhandling king. also will do the faerun equivalent to coke and wants u to do it w him then fuck nasty afterwards

i feel like he doesnt last an extremely long time. 15-20 mins is THE MOST youre getting out of him lol he just gets very excited (which is lowkey kind of cute??)

do i even have to say that this man is packing schmeat. heavy dick. heavy balls. allow me to bear some of that weight for u my liege 🤲🏻🧎

ORIN BONUS ????:

mostly nsfw

ok i didnt originally plan to add orin but listen….. gortash is a charismatic guy….. imagine orin was into him too LISTEN ! like shes jealous asf of Durge in that sense too not just bcz of them being bhaal’s fav. like when i think abt them i just am getting a vibe okay. this trio……..

every time she sees gortash and Durge acting close and doing all their yucky lovesick shit she just gets soooo mad. now imagine she shifts into Durge to get gortash to fuck her. yeah… yall seeing the vision? would he ever find out ?? imagine that was why he hates orin so much?? he doesnt want to tell Durge (cuz thats cheating hes not a cheater duh 🙄 plus hes scared theyll be mad at him) and thats why his explanations as to why he hates orin are so vague

[siriuslylantsov]

helloo, hope ur day has been good <3

coming here to talk about yesterday's episodes and today's :p

FIRST OF ALL, my heart can't take more of this matt/foggy fight. i just want them to hug it out. i feel like nelson & murdock will be over (not that they won't rekindle their friendship but the law firm by the third season i think won't come back) can't forgive matthew for not visiting foggy after he was SHOT

also. suddenly this is TLOU? the zombies??? hshsh

the scene u were talking about frank... yeah, had to look away a few times :p

i honestly thought he was gonna fight fisk and that's why he had wanted to go to prison in the first place.

i am SO on board with frank/karen now. when they were talking at the diner, well before all the other stuff happened 💀 i think they have a much more interesting dynamic than you know who (and i'm usually the biggest fan of friends to lovers)

love karen working for the bulletin and did NOT expect that guy being the blacksmith !!

and honestly foggy and marci... i like them !! i like her, she makes me laugh and they're not bad. i think they're cute together.

i loved seeing more of elektra's backstory. i wasn't a fan of the scene where she finds out she's black sky and for a moment it feels like she changes her mind completely and is about to go the other side idk, felt a bit weird to me. it felt rushed?? sort of? idk

i'm actually very scared to watch the last episode cause i feel like that will be when elektra dies and i do not want that :D

thank u for coming to my ted talk

hi angel!

ughhh ik me too matt and foggy angst makes me want to kms, istg if they make us go through more in born again.... ENOUGH PLEASE

bro the zombie thing scared the SHIT out of me like when did this get scary???? and the ninjas??? like FR NINJAS and how they slow their heartbeat so matt cant sense them!! hella cool

BEST FIGHT SCENE EVER. did you notice the little detail when the guards drag him out, he looks at his reflection on the ground and he sees the skull print on his clothes. i thought that was so cool.

heres a picture i took last time incase you didn't catch it!

frank castle covered in blood has got to be one of my fav things

frank and karen definitely have more aligning morals compared to her and matt. so morality wise, they're definitely more compatible, she doesnt see much fault in what frank does.

yes!!! i love karen at the bulletin, shes so good at it :)

FOGGYBEAR!! i love that marci calls him that, theyre so cute ☺️

yeah the black sky thing is so upsetting cus it like flips her world on axis and matt is trying so hard for her to not believe them, like BABE youre not just a killer 😕😕

good luck... you're in for it...

so when you finish s2 will you start watching the other shows? (luke cage, jessica jones, etc)

you could also... squeeze in the punisher s1 if you're intrigued, it is a bit of a segue because theres nothing about the hand. but it'll tell you the rest of the story about his family, its so loaded its acc crazy. im still lowk confused abt all of it. OR you can just watch it after lol im peer pressuring you my bad...

[foxluvrz]

11/19/24:

algebra: okay so i dont remember a lot from this morning except already before classes even started, 🦔 seemed in a much better mood today and was pretty friendly towards me, as well as two of my friends i was with at the time; p and e. thiugh, this i felt sort of bad about but it was absolutely hilarious in the moment is that my friend L was running late and she had gone home sick the day before, so 🦔 assumed she wouldn't be here today; but she did end up coming in before he took attendance. but as he was taking attendance he wss like, "so no L today, right? she went home early yesterday" and like me, p, AND L all like agreed with him thinking he was joking around because he does that alot, turns iut he WASN't and when he stood up to start class he sootted her and had to go back to fix it😭 it was actually hilarious but yeah. another thing that 🦔 did today that was actually awesome and i love him for is the fact that he gave us each numbers to put us into griups, but he counted a specific way so that L and i would be put into the same group even though we sit right next to eachother.. which is honestly pretty epic of him. a small thing though that happened while he was counting us into groups is when he reached me to count "5", he like pushed down sort of hard on my shoulder cause he was directly next to me standing up, and i dont know. it wasnt necessarily like a "harder" push, but like it was more forced pressure rather than just a light tap on my shoulder and i dont know, is it strange i didnt really back down/away from it? i've wrote a multitude of times about how nervous i am to be around him or in his presence, but i think that if i'm like sat down, i feel a lot more comfortable for some strange reason. i think it's because i feel more secure without the chance of like stumbling or something. i really dont wanna say something wack like "the more 🦔 touches me the more comfortable i become" because that honestlt sounds so weird both in and out of context, but like, i guess it's trye in a way?.. i know me standing next to him is scary, but when he like taps me or like comes in ever so slight contact with me on purpose, i don't feel as much fear as i should at all. also another thing is my ex bestfriend C like talked back to him or something during a game we were playing (honestly yeah she's sort of bitchy and like idk rbf personality tbh) and he like had her go iut in the hallway with him at the end of class and like asked her why she had such negativity towards him, which i dont believe she actually does; she just comes across that way and didnt mean it as talking back; so i sorta feel bad.

lunch: okay so this stuff specifically happened during lunch when me, R, and later V/J were in 🐢's room. basically, 🐢 is a d1 HATER of pokemon sun and moon series, as well as like the entire ides of ash and like all his pokemon. 🐢 believes that the only purpose of pokemon is to battle and evolve them, and if they dont/wont evolve, you should just get rid of them. and it was silly because we were talking about like what i thought the point of it was which i answered "idk, creating a bond slash friendship" which let me tell you🐢 DISAGREES HEAVILY with that.. uhm but yeah!! we talked abt pokemon lots more and how 🐢 seems like the tyoe to abuse his pokemon to which HE ADMITTED TO?? and then we went to the tipic of how its crazy that the parents in pokemon let their kids just go out ariund the world with strangers and pokemon and idek😭 this next bit was small and i dont remember it exactly but it was silly, 🐢 said something about something being *insert adjective* and i turned to R and like said something about it and then like nudged my head towards 🐢 motioning that the adj described him more then anything and when 🐢 that he thought i was saying R was it so he went "woah!! now we know what 👽 really thinks of R" to which i was like "oh yeah.. definitelyyy talking about R rn.." staring intensely at him to tell him i was talking about HIM and not R and i think/hope he got it because he started laughing at it a bit😭😭 anyways i let R try some of my tomato soup and he didnt put the lid all the way back on so some of it spilt on the table so i grabbed the crappy like brown oaper towels because that's all i could see and freaking 🐢 was joking abt it and i was like "these dont soak up ANYTHING bro." and he said "well yeah, theyre not mesnt to soak up soup" SHUT UPPP‼️‼️THIS MAN IS LITERALLY MY BIGGEST OP./j. anyways he told me where normal paper towels were after like FOREVER. and idk exactly but i think i threw something and missed terribly? But 🐢 said "wow 👽, no wonder you dont do any sports." WHAT. THIS MAN JUST CALLED ME UNATHLETIC WHAT DID I DO TO HIM. it was rlly funny and i made it worse because i tried throwing something at my friend and msised horribky and i was like "I SWEAR I DID SOFTBALL." and he was like "and how long ago was that?" and i answered "..i dont wanna answer that.." to which he asked "and did you actually throw the ball or did u pick at dandelions" AND I ACTUSLLY DID THROW THE BALL. And i said that and he seemed suprised asf😭 anyways there was a teensy bit more squabble but yeah and at the end i was like "hey 🐢, has anyone told yiu you're very unkind?" and he was like "yeah actually a lot of people have" DAMN. The grinch fr i fear💔 ALSO HES LETTING ME PAINT ONE OF THE LIKE FANBLADES IN HIS CLASSROOM ON THE CEILING FAN SO YIPPEE‼️‼️

i love 🐢 he's my dad pretty much😋

[muff1nqwq]

sorry i havent been around in a while, things have gotten crazy, im sure you get it. my first day of being a sophmore (10th grader) starts tomorrow and while im not extremely nervous it is also 11:50 at night and i have to wake up at 6:15, ignore the specific time as it is never specific, its an estimate at best.

i have this thing called band camp that has been going on for the last couple of days. basically i play my trumpet (her name is Margaret) for 4 hours in preparation for football season (im in the band, we have to play at football games) idk where you are ofc, so to clarify, this is american football. the concussion sport.

i picked up tarot reading and it's super silly, i would recommend. its funny to think that the cards are supposed to have their own personality. id say that i dont see it, but they told me to shut up once, sassy ass cards...

i havent been hurting myself as much because of how busy i am + how cold it is. a thing about me is that i cannot ever cvt when its cold. maximum discomfort. 0/10 stars. not funky fresh.

my ex and i started talking less often and im kinda glad it happened, which might be mean to say, considering were friends still, but theres so much to do, to worry about that i can barely keep up with things.

anyways, i think thats most of it. btw if you ever dont know how to respond to one of my rambles, id love it if you might just add your own story? about anything!!!! i like hearing from you!

— rin

hiya Rin :DDD I missed u!!

GL in school!! I'm gonna b a Freshman this year and I'm excited-nervous abt it... At least its gonna b the same ppl ( even though the principal warned us abt a rush of new students, but its better than going 2 a brand new school ) I gotta fix my sleep schedule so bad, I stay up till 3am and wake up at noon :'3

:0000 IM IN BAND TOO :DD I play clarinet :3 ( btw I love how u called football the "concussion sport" XDDDD )

Tarot reading sounds so cool :000 i rlly like astrology and numerology ( I'm an Aquarius :3 )

4 me it's still hot af here, even though snow melted like 3 weeks b4 summer break :> but yesterday I went 2 go walk my doggo and right as we were turning back, it started raining, and my dumbass didn't bring a jacket and I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and shorts, so I was running ( in flip-flops ) 4 ten mins in the rain tryna get back 2 my house lolol X'3

That sounded like a line from a book I read a few yrs ago XD ( but I hope ur still finding time 4 urself :) )

A few nights ago I was rlly, RLLY hyped up 4 highschool... Same school, few new kids, new teachers, maybe a new rep... Then I thought abt what my rep would b like. I mean tbh I don't mind if I'm known as a weirdo furry theatre kid, but last yr my ex-bestie spread nasty rumours bout me, manipulate me and my friend group, and overall make everyone avoid me. At least my friends knew what she's all abt and stuck w me 4 the whole yr, but like... What if the rumours spread 2 the new kids and bad stuff happen?? So then I stayed up thinking bout that and at 2am I multiswiped 10 times and I named the cvt Jeffo :3 ( I haven't cvt in weeks cuz I didn't have many Band-Aids left )

Have a good day Rin :DDD

-Muffin

[grumpylia]

omg i just read the 5th chapter of your fic and i wanted to say that i LOVE it!!!

So i saw your post abt it yesterday and started reading at like midnight and i can not get enough!! Good thing it's a tuesday so i didn't have to wait long for an update hh

I love the way you write katie and how she feels to me like a real person, i know you said that at first many people would think that she's an annoying bossy teenage girl, but also, i've been there!! i was also the teenage girl who hated the troublemakers and was scared of breaking the rules (except i couldn't yell at them)

This is just my personal opinion but her bonding moments with the apollo cabin were for sure my favourite scenes, i just love them in general and i get do excited seeing katie interact with one of them!! i'm trying not to spoil here for future readers but the beach scene was so immaculate and definitely in my top 3!! on the other hand, the infirmary scene,...

I know this story is like a tratie endgame, but at several moments i was sooo convinced that katie's gonna have a thing or a moment with someone (which proved *mostly* wrong hh) so i'm still waiting to see how this plays out

Back to me saying how real these relationships are, i love how you convey all these complexities and emotions between campers, while also not forgetting that they're still SOOO young and most of them immature and WILL get into petty fights, but even then, there's still this sense of unity between them, or a camaraderie built by their shared experience (and trauma lol)

i'm looking forward to seeing how the demeter arc is gonna play out, but also what happened after the bday party (again trying not to spoil) and how idk i'm feeling there is some tension and doubt abt some campers' loyalties and their behaviour (katie would kill me for that). I feel like you've been building up for them in the last chapter so i can't wait for everything to blow up in our faces!!

Anyways this is getting pretty, and i still have soooo many stuff i have not mentioned (the last chapter actually brought me to tears, both happy and sad, and i could not be more glad about it) so sorry for clogging up your inbox, but i'm like very insane abt your fic so i had to scream at you about it!!

oh my oh my i actually think this inbox has made my whole day!!!! ive said it before and ill say it again its so crazy to me that people read my silly little story and i love love love talking about it!! thank you for this!!

first of all, thank you for the love re katie! i was sooo worried at first that she would initially come off too unlikeable, but i have been there too and it was important for me to get annoying bossy girl representation (don't worry, i couldn't yell at the troublemakers either)

i also adore the apollo cabin and i promise there is more to come with the apollo kids! one apollo kid in particlar (not named for the Mystery, although it might be pretty obvious who) is about to become a lot more prominent in katie's life and he is genuinely one of my favourite characters in the whole fic so i am so excited to see what you think of him!! im so glad you liked the beach scene! it's also one of my favourite scenes and its so lovely to hear that it resonates!! the infirmary scene...unfortunatrly there might be more where that is coming from :'( the apollo cabin in the pjo series are so deeply tragic and so personal to me

for now my lips are locked on any other potential romances.... i will just say that although it is tratie endgame there will be lots of twists and turns in getting there....

im so glad that the relationships are coming through as authentic!! i've always been a more character/relationship driven writer and through the process of writing this fic these characters and their friendships and bonds have become so real to me and you liking the way i portray their relationships (in all their immature, petty, trauma bonded glory) genuinely means the world to me <33

LMAO katie would kill you for that but also i fullheartedly agree with you. at this point, tensions are high and there is still a Lot to come: at the end of the day, they're children tryint to deal with these incredibly adult things and the culmination of all this tension is almost inevitable at this point

thank you again for this lovely lovely message! i literally was grinning ear to ear reading it: it means so much to me!! thank you thank thank you!! <333

[superdeluxeaverage]

WORLD IS SCARY idk what the future holds like im overthinking but i do hope i can reconnect w/ my old friend like its in her court again she had said she rly doesnt use insta so idk how long or if she'll even see my message but i hope we can get together n hang out or have a conversation n talk abt where we're both at. Idk just for my trust issues itd be good to be on a positive note n kinda be real n honest abt where ive been cause i have been in a good place past year but the way she dissapeared did hurt me . What rly scares me is the just how yesterday was the first day after my coworker friend left n all of a sudden my ex friend shows up like putting my mind into a different place like so weird then also one day months ago my coworker friend n i had hung out n i had talked to her abt the shitty thing i had went thru n then the day after tht my ex friend showed up there by coincidence like the day after i had just talked abt it n had it fresh in my mind soo crazy then craziest is tht today apparently according to instagram is two years since she has unfollowed me on insta (i remember cause i had posted video of han bennink lol) but idk the coincidences are insane like its weird n then thinking i knew her for 3 years its been 2 since we like had officially stopped talking thts like 5 years craazy thinking abt my life n stuff i do wanna be more forgiving but also respectful of myself

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel kinda bad abt taking my mental health/work day

like yea i get an insane amount of school work but theres ppl i go to school w who have practice, and rehersal and get it done. am i seriously this mentally weak and unstable?? that i get so stressed out and anxious over school i have to take a day to do it cause i cant do my work at school? really???? like i feel idk idk how i feel. i dont think guilty is the right word? but neither is weak? idk. but its bad. theres just so much going on in my family life too that im worried about and i keep trying to tell myself that this is ok and needed and i just have to get the work done but its so hard to not worry and get overanxious to the point i cant go to school. mental health is such a tricky thing and i know its important but i feel so bad when i take care of it. i will say i put on my insta note "needing to stay home from school to do schoolwork is crazy" and like 5 ppl from school have responded saying they do the same thing all the time cause its so necessary. that makes me feel less bad abt taking today off, well not really off im gonna spend my whole day working even tho thats what i did yesterday too after my PSAT and barely made a dent in my planner. its just its so much. so so so so much and i feel bad that other ppl can handle it but i cant. ik ppls brains are built different but how come i struggle so much in school and w school work and others just pass w As and dont even bat an eye???? ig stupid is how it makes me feel. guilty, weak, and stupid. its only october and i feel like im on a sinking ship, i have school to worry abt, loved ones in florida to worry abt, my mas health to worry abt, my health to worry abt, keeping the house at least kinda clean to worry abt, plans to worry abt, social things to worry abt, so much to worry abt. also slightly unrelated but i have a dr appt to go to on saturday and get to skip out on helping w open house at my school and trying to explain to my friend why no she wouldnt rather spend her saturday talking w her mothers spinal surgeon about how she could be paralyzed for the rest of her life, or how her back conditions could kill her. id rather work open house but she insisted i was "lucky" to miss out. i just feel so overwhelmed already. its only october and my mental health is already at such an edge that i cant go to school. ik that going where i go will be good in the long run and the adults around me are constantly telling me that but idk if its worth it since who knows if ill even make it to the long run. they keep insisting that too. ignoring my mental health concerns and just saying that i go to such a good school and my diploma will help me much more than if i went to public school. which is all tru but it shouldnt be at the cost of my mental, and physical health. they say itll make college easier but if this is supposed to prep me for college idk if i can make it another 4 years of this.

im not happy anymore. not long term anyways like sure hoco was fun and i was happy, i was happy getting ready and dancing but as soon as it ended i wasnt happy anymore. i was back to my now usual empty kind of sadness. i watch shows, play games, and make art that usually makes me happy and it doesnt anymore. i stopped drawing for pleasure, only watch shows and yt series to get it over with and havent touched any games in a long time. nothings fun anymore. everyone is so happy, going to parties, hanging out, having fun but here i am practically drowning trying to even crack a smile. ive started just doing the bare minimum for myself to survive. school, sleep, eating, showers basic things. ive abandoned most of my hobbies and ik thats not good for me but i just cant bring myself to do them. i wanna be happy and i dont want ppl ik to worry so i just kinda fake it hoping no one will notice and maybe i can make other ppl happy. im lonely, sad, anxious, guilty, depressed. i should be excited abt things but everything feels like an obligation now. im just trying to go abt life trying not to die and thats pretty much it.

[strawberryezpls]

why will i always feel like this?

I literally hate everything and I understand why i wanted to kill myself so bad whenever i did (back in may lol) ummmmmmmmm this time around of the year is lwokey a little bit triggering because i was just depressed as fuck! and why is my mom making me give my father money for my own good(like a charity) when i don't see or even heard of them doing that to my grandparents like ever? and it doesn't look like it ever did them any good. I graudte from community college this year and i can finally go live in he dorms WHICH IS A ECCESITy cuz if im not living in the dorms im still not living at home. It actally crazy how i have zero support from my family at all. Like they all tell me to study hard and get good grades and blah blah but it's like once I try "oh why aren't you helping around the house" and its not a good feeling. Omg and I think i have autism like for real, or something cuz i have all the traits and i would just be a high level of mask. or am i just overlooked and im not realling masking i'm just brushed off as that's just me. imagine it really is just me. I also don't feel like living for anythign rightnow. I did see nicki minaj yesterday which was ENLIGHTENING she was like 2 hours late but idc and i somehow didn't get caught hehehehhe. um i have to get my wisdom tooth out in like 3 weeks and my finals are almost over. Omg that bullshit about me waiting for the right guy bitch I went right back to the guy i left for the clairty of my mind. and then we've been together ever since. But here's the thing he said hes observing now bc of the way we handle arguments. Like shouldn't you know what you want and how you want it. idk sometimes i feel like im being used and i don't understand how why he even wants me around i feel like i don't do anything for him at least emotionsally or mentally or like what i'm supposed to be. Which like i was fine with being in a sort of situationship with him since january but i think since we wenton our first one on one date a little after valentines that we would be together together but i guess not. And i don't really want to be with a amn now that's like im observing bc of the way we agrue which is like whatever. also wtf is knock knock ginger? sorry i'm listening to a podcast. omgi think being in ramadan which i s gonna sound sad and probably wrong for a moment but bare with me. like everytime Ramadan comes around i just don't feel good bc i feel like i was taught islam wrong like i just don't believe everything or anything someone from my country is saying abt it spefically my dad. like it just gets me so angy bc i could've been those girls who love their religion and I wanna do that but I want there to be people who als understand me and shit. I really love how im college educated but you would think 9 year odl wrote this pls. speaking of idk how imma do it living with a random person like i don't evn like living with someone else, like i love my bed yall. i also need a car with a door handle and the bumper not falling apart. I also wanna be boy free for a while bc it's just something abt it yk. I also don't trust anything anyone is saying and everything everyone says no matter who it is is annoying as fuck and they need to stop talking and im talking abt people who i don't even know too. Like why is everyone annoying all of a sudden b4 i didn't feel like that. wait it priobanyl bc i have to fucking be sober for the next month. saye but at least i get to turn up on my birthday I think. idk i'm scaed to smoke too early ater my surgery. which speaking of i NEED to do something fun and i need tolook good on my birthday like fr. Like i would want to do something even by myself just because i deserve it but my parents be pocket watching me like its not my money. anyways i really wanna get my lashes and nails done really bad. I think I'll just buy a wig and wear it that day and then i could get my own outfit yk. I literally cannot wait broooooo I don't know where imma be eating and whos ocming and whos not yk but yeaaaaaaa. I got too many people who would overlap and i don't want to

[k0sk1]

[rant post idk just getting shit off my chest]

cw mild violence!! ig but nothing too grapphic, just mentions of it

guys question today i talked to a girl and mentioned how sometimes i rlly want to beat the fucking shit outta some ppl that annoy me a lot and then she was like "i dont feel like that" and then she said she barely hated anyone anyway and like does everyone have a bunch of violent thoughts that arent intrusive thoughts abt hitting ppl u love but teaching ppl u fucking hate a lesson???? Bc intrusive thoughts are things u dont wanna do thats why theyre intrusive but these are more like obessive bc i OBSESS with them but i WANT to teach SOME people some lessons and i wouldnt regret doing it no, bc i only think abt hurting ppl i HATEEE and not ppl i care for. I dont obsess over ppl i love dying and me hurting them its just fucking racist ableist mean (and honestly fucking cruel) assholes . like srsly thank GOD school just ended yesterday cause if i had to spend one more day around the same annoying ppl, even if theyre few in the class and not most, i wouldve gone fucking crazy and WOULDVE hit someone. Like idk if this is a rant or what buT SRSLY sometimes id be there looking around and thinking abt how someone rlly shitty would go up to me be annoying and id idk punch them so hard i break their jaw GUYS IS THIS CONCERNING??? LIKE IS CREATING CENARIOS IN UR HEAD WHERE ITS BASICALLY JUST U YELLING AT PPL AND HIT THEM A LOT A WELL ADJUSTED THING??? or am i like rlly mentaly ill. its almost an obsession at this point rlly, i hope during this school break i get to idk forget all of this only think abt my fav games and kpop groups and women and get thru it but damn wtf.

tldr i have lots of violent thoughts but only abt very specific ppl i hate a bunch.

(also plsss feel free to tell me abt yalls own experiences and tell me if this is a sign of idk me being rlly miserable and NO im not a sociopath or smth bc ive never shown signs of having one of those antisocial disorders idk the name of but i know i dont have those, cause if i did my therapist wouldve probably noticed yk???)

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 2

Part 1

Hiii I don't know if you take request but can i request like a chris evans x reader like the reader and chris are married and chris is having a bad day or something so chris go out to the pub and go home drunk and its been going for 3 days and the reader and chris has a 6year old and the reader have been doing all the work and taking care of they're daughter and they're daughter miss chris bc chris is never home and just go home until 12 or 2 in the morning or if chris is home he never play with her daughter and they're daughter is sad abt it bc they're daughter though chris doesn't love her anymore and chris miss her play in school even though chris promise so that day when chris miss her daughter's play the reader confront chris abt it and chris said he doesn't care abt his daughter and he said he didn't know why he married the reader bc she's clingy but chris didn't know that they're daughter heard what chris said abt her and chris didn't know also that the reader is 6-7 weeks pregnant and the reader and chris heard they're daughter sob and that moment chris realize it all his mistakes? and apologize to them idk if this make sense and im sorry if this is so longg, thank you in advance stay safe! <3

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒅𝒂𝒅! 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔

𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕

Chris paced back and forth as he tried to call you for the 10th time. It was the next day, he was sober and the images from last night clouded his brain. Seeing the pain and anger on your face as he said he wish he never married you.

Seeing isabella crying from his disgusting words. That hurt him the most, he regret everything.

The phone went to voicemail again making Chris groan. You had every right to not talk to you, but he wanted to know you and isabella was okay. You were still his wife.

Chris sighed sitting down on the couch. He rubbed his eyes with his palm, exhaling for the hundredth time.

The house phone on the table beside the couch rung causing Chris to quickly grab it. He thought it was you but no, it was your doctor.

"hi is this Mrs Evans?" Chris frowned, "uh no but this is Mr Evans." Chris said, he was deeply confused.

"oh well you tell Mrs Evans that have her next appointment date to check on the baby."

Chris stood up, he wasn't sure he heard right. "I'm sorry, the baby?"

The innocence lady on the other side of the phone phone gasped, "oh I'm sorry, you didn't know."

"no it's fine." Chris sighed softly, his heart picking up speed in his chest. "I'll tell her, thank you." He hung up the phone throwing it onto the couch. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He mumbled to himself. He really needed to find you and isabella.

*

You laid in the uncomfortable bed, isabella sleeping soundly beside you. It was around 8 in the morning and thoughts from yesterday filled your mind.

"I wish I never married you"

"Forget isabella, I don't care about her stupid play"

It hurt just knowing he thought those things. It took some time last night, but you managed to go to sleep around 3am. Now it was morning time, you were in a crappy hotel, and Chris was blowing up your phone like crazy.

You sighed pulling back the blanket. You walked to the bathroom. You looked in the mirror, your almost 3 month along bump was showing. You tore your eyes from it looking at your face. You were trying not to think about Chris in that moment.

"get it together y/n." You whispered to yourself.

"mommy." You looked back to the doorway seeing isabella. Her stuff bear was in her hands as she rubbed her sleepy eye with the other hand.

"good morning honey."

You walked over to her, "did you sleep good?" Isabella looked up at you. "Yeah, I slept great." You laughed, "that's great. Uh do you wanna go get some breakfast? We can eat some pancakes and waffles, what you say bug?"

Isabella started to think, it was almost like you can see the wheels turning in her head. "Uhh yeah. Can we see daddy too?"

Your stomach did a flip, you didn't think she'll be okay with what he said about her, but She was 6 so maybe that was the reason.

"umm... Yeah, yeah. We can see daddy." Isabella smiled, "okay, I watch TV now." She walked back over to the bed, hopping in it. You exhaled, running your hands over your face. Here goes nothing you thought to yourself.

*

Chris phone ringing interrupting him from his daze. He picked it up seeing your contact. His heart picked up as he answered it.

"y/n, are you okay?" On the other side of the phone you sighed, "yeah, I'm fine. Look um isabella want see you so can you meet us at the diner at (some street name)?"

Chris nodded even though you couldn't see him. "Yeah, of course." He walked to the foyer to put on his shoes. "Umm, I love you." Chris said. He wasn't expecting you to say it back, but you did. When you did, his heart skipped and a smile formed on his face.

You hung up the phone. You let out a sigh once again. Here goes nothing.

*

You sat in the diner, isabella beside you coloring in the booklet they gave her. You both were waiting for Chris to come.

Your mind was filled, you couldn't even figure out what you were thinking about at all at this point.

After waiting a few more minutes, you heard the diner door open. In walked Chris. In his hands was a bouquet of flowers and stuffed animal. You were guessing it was his apologize.

He walked over to you both, just like yours, his heart was beating pretty hard in his chest.

"hey." Chris smiled shyly at you as you got up. "Hi." You tore your eyes from his, looking down at isabella. She was looking up at her daddy with a soft smile on her face. Chris kneeled down to her height. "Hi baby." He said to her softly. "I'm sorry for yesterday, I didn't mean any of it, I promise. Can you forgive me?"

isabella's small smile grew to a bigger one. "Yeah." Chris smiled at her. "Okay, give me a hug."

Isabella giggled as she Wrapped her arms around his neck. Chris hugged her close. He felt relived she forgave him, he felt so bad for saying what he said to her and he's going to spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

He pulled away from her, he handed the stuffed animal to her before standing back up.

He looked back at you. "Uh these are for you. It's not an apology, I'll give you a sincere apology later, but for now I have these." He looked at you, he had bags under his eyes from his sleepless night, and tear streaks on his cheeks from the crying he did.

you quickly tore your eyes from His taking the flowers. "Thanks." You cleared your throat. "Uh shall we have breakfast?"

Chris inhaled, "yeah." He walked over to the opposite side of the table and took a seat. You did the same sitting back beside isabella. You all ordered trying to forget about the tension that was very much between you and Chris. It was nice that you both were talking, but you just couldn't wait for the much needed talk later that night.

*

It was around 8 pm. You and Chris decided to drop her off at his mom's house. You didn't want what happened the day before to happen again.

You sat on the couch fiddling with your shirt end. Chris was in the kitchen getting you both something to drink before you talked.

"so um.. I got you some water." Chris said walking over to you handing you the glass of water. You thanked him Taking a sip before placing it on the coffee table. Chris sat beside you with a sigh.

"I.. I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean any of it. It just slipped out because I was drunk and tired, I wasn't in my right head space in the moment and I took out on you and Bella and I'm sorry." He breathed out. He scanned your face waiting for you to speak. You shook your head, you didn't look at him but you spoke.

"yeah you're sorry, but you really hurt me. I wish I was never, that's fucked up and it hurts so much. If you never wanted to marry me why did you?"

You turned to Chris, tears threatening to spill over. The look on your face hurted Chris, he fucked up big time and he knew it.

"no, I didn't mean that, I swear. I love you more than anything. I don't regret marrying you, it was just a stupid mistake... I'm sorry baby."

Tears were starting to form in chris' eye. He felt guilty, he knew no amount of words could fix what he done but he was sorry more than anything.

"you promise?" You looked at him. Your lips were trembling Because of your crying.

"I promise." Chris said. He cupped your cheek with his hand. He placed a light kiss on your nose, but it wasn't enough for you. You went way too long without kissing him, you weren't going to waste another second not.

You grabbed his chin kissing him. Somehow his chap lips felt soft. They felt like home to you, you missed them so much.

You pulled away looking back at Chris. "I have something I need to tell you." You said fiddling with his hands.

"I'm pregnant."

Chris gave you a sour look, you already knew why. "You know?" Chris nodded, "the doctor called. they have an appointment for you, they want you to call them back to tell you."

You exhaled, "well... Surprise." You laughed making Chris smile. He missed that sound. He's been gone for so many nights he totally forgot how it sounded.

"can I come to the next appointment?" Chris pouted his lip making you laugh. "Of course you can. You need to your little peanut. I'm thinking it's a boy"

Chris frowned, "no I'm pretty sure it's a girl."

"you haven't seen them yet." You said to him Rolling your eyes playfully. "I know but I want another princess."

"touche."

--

It's not that good but thank you for reading. I had fun breaking y'all hurts on the first part lol

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[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[binniesthighs]

miss ro!!! ur jeongin fic was so cute that letter with all the misspellings made me cackle low-key - really can imagine 바보 빵 (fool bread(?) not sure how they render that nickname in english for him) writing it 😭 him and mc were so cute no lie

so like i swear dpr ian used to have a soundcloud that i would listen to but for some reason i can’t track down the stuff anymore ?? but equally maybe i’m getting confused bc i listen to a lot of k-artists on soundcloud (i remember the day i discovered got7 jb’s music on there and completely lost my shit lmao but that’s a diff story) i’m honestly such a sucker for soundcloud artists why am i like this 💀💀 but he literally dropped off the grid apart from his insta after his idol group disbanded and his spotify is basically empty apart from zombie pop (which is p cute it’s in the dpr archives album) and his new album. i honestly love all the tracks on it bc have been listening to the singles since they dropped but nerves and scaredy cat are my faves i think of the new ones?? i low-key suck at song recs lmao bc usually I just queue the entire album start to finish / listen to ppl’s curated spotify playlists for like kr&b/indie&chill etc while i’m doing work so i usually hear stuff i like but don’t know the titles ?? last year i was heavy obsessed with dpr live’s album tho “is anybody out there” and also ph-1’s 2019 album “halo” is still one of my faves. i can try and dig through and find specific songs i saved tho if u want!

also i’m watching the making of the album documentary now and it’s honestly spectacular (and only 13mins it needs to be longer 😭😭😭) - he goes into the back story of each song and talks about his life too and there’s clips of him filming the MVs and laying down the tracks. it’s low-key getting me v emotional especially when he was talking about dope lovers and how he had some p bad relationships bc he tends to push ppl away when he’s going thru stuff and he was recording the lyric “it was all for a kiss” and then he said “was it for a kiss or was it from a kiss because honestly, i think a lot of shit happens after the kiss” and ooft that hurttttt

british insults are honestly the best - i love them bc they’re like super snarky/get to the point but they’re not actually like properly derogatory names? like i rly get uncomfy when ppl properly swear at someone even if I like hate them with a burning passion lmaoooo

omg snow day??? we haven’t had snow for a while now :(( my friend lives in mass tho and she said it was snowing yesterday too i’m jel :(( i thrive in the night too lmao but man my insomnia’s been kicking my ass lately 🥲🥲 i deadass live my life like chan and i rly thought this would stop after uni but i guess it’s just my state of being 😭😭

i love reading ur replies they rly brighten my day 🥺🥺 i get a bit in my head sometimes lmao gotta love that anxiety/depression mix 🤪🤪 and rly worry i’m being annoying/ saying too much / blocking up ur feed for other readers also 🥲🥲 i hope other ppl aren’t getting annoyed by how long my asks are 🥺🥺 mayb one day i’ll reveal myself n we can just msg instead or sth idk 😭😭

n e ways i’m gonna dip now but i hope you have a good day/night/week too, miss ro!! my life is spiralling low-key so might be gone for a bit but in the meantime i hope things go well for u!! and do lemme know what u think of MITO !! (and honestly check out the making doc if u have time!!) -😖

😖 awe heck, my responses make your day? 🥺 that makes me so so happy!! i know how ya feel, I tend to have hot and cold weeks, and my writing is what tends to keep it at bay :) as well as talking to all you cuties! You don’t annoy me at all sweets!! however ya feel like talking is fine with me!! ;) also don’t ya worry about dipping either! life gets crazy and I totally get ya! <3 

more under the cut! 

also thank you so much about my new jeongin fic!! writing his lil letter was my favorite part actually hahahah i was trying to channel my inner awkward teen boy for that one LOLLL to suit his character being super sweet and loveable and a lil shy on the side I knew that he would make some cute lil mistakes hehe 

I’ll def listen to your recs!! I really need to listen to more kr&b tho! I have like two or three playlists that i listen to allll the time and am in dire need of new music haha the other week I discovered Kali Uchis’ new album and that’s been on repeat for me like crazyyyy recently FRICK its so good haha so that is my recommendation hehe 

That sounds like a really interesting documentary tho!! I actually really like music documentaries! hahah I watch them with my dad sometimes about classic rock artists etc. it super cool to me to hear about everything that goes into an album as well as the creative process behind it too! like when skz do their little interviews and stuff before an album releases I lovvve that haha for the same reason I love hearing about why authors write what they did too! gahhh i’m ramblin but the creative process is so cool to me! I’d love to check it out! 

whats funny abt swearing is that (oddly) even at nearly 21 years of age I am still not allowed to swear around my parents hahaha but when I’m not around them??? i will say anything and everything lolll but never at people like ya said haha i remeber a while ago I heard “bucket of fucks” and I thought that was pretty funny haha, also yay for snow days!! its funny bc I’m currently not in the state where I go to school so the weather was just fine here but there was like two feet of snow on the actual campus haha i heard that the students got together to have a snowball fight on our soccer fields (i just hope they were safe ooP)