#was originally just meant to be the meme but I guess I got too silly and ended up drawing her like that instead…!

[geminidkbro]

If I post this on here will you kill me

@shart-bot-2000 this one’s for you *breaks into 1 million pieces*

Bonus!!

[btschooseafic]

Hey you, what’s your dream?

Pairing: platonic!oc x ot7

Details: manager!oc, predebut/idolverse, partial BTS World!verse

Summary: The boys start filming vlogs.

Warnings: This is a fictional story based on real events. The characters presented here are not the same as their real life counterparts. [Masterlist]

Track 15: First log

Video Phone- Beyoncé ft. Lady Gaga, William Burke

“On your video phone (Make a cameo)

Tape me on your video phone (I can handle you)”

December 2012

“Okay, well, that takes care of the budget section of our meeting,” Aviva said, looking up from her papers. Jimin and Taehyung were playing some kind of hand game. Jin was watching something on his phone. Yoongi and Jungkook were napping on Jin’s shoulders. Namjoon was slumped over a bit and wearing sunglasses indoors, so she was pretty sure he was sleeping as well. Hoseok had been in the bathroom for over ten minutes now, but she was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was really constipated or something. She let out a long breath. “Seriously, guys?”

“Hmmm?” Jin looked up at her, smiling innocently. “I’ll wash the dishes in the morning.” Aviva rubbed her temples.

“Yeah, you said that already. We already finished the cleaning schedule.”

“Oh.” He blinked at her. “Then… what were we talking about?” He looked at Taehyung and Jimin, who shrugged.

“The budget,” she said. “Which you might’ve known if you had actually been paying attention to me instead of playing on your phone.” Jin’s smile turned a little sheepish. “Ah, but you three get credit for staying awake at least.”

“I’m awake,” Yoongi said. Jin jolted.

“Aish.” He rubbed his chest. “Min Yoongi-yah, don’t scare me like that!”

“Boo,” Yoongi muttered, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He looked at Aviva, his gaze suddenly so alert it made her blush. He smirked. “I’ll work on a grocery budget with hyung so you don’t have to.”

“Thanks, Yoongi-yah.” She let out a breath of relief. “That would be a big help. Now, let’s wake the others up, cause they actually really need to hear this next part.”

“Hmm.” He kicked Namjoon’s shoulder. “Joon, wake up.”

“Wh-what?” Namjoon sat up straight and looked around. “Why’s it so dark in here?”

The others snickered.

“Maybe these?” Tae suggested, stealing his sunglasses and putting them on his face instead. “Wow, yeah, these are dark. How do you see in these things?”

“I’ll wake Jungkookie up,” Jimin offered, springing up and shoving the youngest boy. “Kookie, time to wake up!” Jungkook just groaned.

“He’s so cute,” Jin cooed, cradling him under his arm.

“JK, if you don’t wake up right now, I’m going to take a picture of Jin-oppa cradling you like a baby and send it to Jen,” Aviva threatened.

Jungkook sat up abruptly, nearly knocking his head into Jin’s.

“I’m awake! Don’t do it!”

“Blackmail?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow at her.

“The tricky part is, she’d probably think it was really cute,” Aviva admitted.

“Yeah, but cute in what way?” Jungkook thought aloud. “Probably not the right way…”

“What’d I miss?” Hoseok asked, walking back into the room.

“Doesn’t matter,” Aviva said. “Everybody else missed it as well…” She paused as Yoongi caught her eye. “…With the exception of Yoongi-oppa who gets a gold star.” Yoongi smiled smugly.

“Kinky,” Hoseok said appreciatively. Aviva blinked at him.

“…How?”

“I don’t want to know,” Yoongi said, waving his hand as Hoseok opened his mouth again. Hoseok shrugged.

“Anyway,” Aviva said loudly. “Special announcement—Youtube finally gave us permission for an official channel, so I’d like for you all to start posting vlogs.” They blinked at her. “Video logs.”

“Logs…” Jungkook stared at her uncertainly.

“Just talk to the camera,” Aviva said. “About what you did today, or what your hopes for the future are.” Namjoon grimaced, shaking his head. “Joon, I know you like to write silly raps just for fun sometimes, maybe you could record one of those? I could edit them in sort of a meme format, and that should attract some viewership.” Understanding passed over Jungkook’s face. Aviva pointed at Jimin and Hoseok. “And you two can post routines that wouldn’t be spoiling any original content.”

“Ah, like, coming soon, Bangtan boys,” Hoseok said the last part in a surprisingly deep voice. Aviva blinked.

“Hobi, you ever considered voice acting?”

“Eh?”

She shook her head. “But I’m getting sidetracked… anyway, I’d like you each to get me a video by the end of the week.”

“The end of the week!” Jungkook repeated worriedly.

“It doesn’t have to be anything special,” she told him. “Just be sure to record it in the studio, there’s the best soundproofing in there.”

“Beep—Wrong,” Taehyung said. “It’s the Bangtan Room, not the studio!”

“I’ll call it the Bangtan Room if you actually pay attention during next week’s meeting,” Aviva offered. Taehyung rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“You drive a hard bargain, manager-noona.”

She sighed.

“But, who would want to know what we do all day?” Jimin wondered.

“Come to think of it, I’m not comfortable in front of the camera… I’m not sure I can do it,” Jungkook thought.

“I could be in the background out of the shot to keep you company,” Aviva offered. He frowned at her.

“Yeah, I think that would only make it worse.”

“Jungkook-ah, you’re going to be an idol, get used to it,” Yoongi said bluntly. Jungkook grimaced. “Unless you want to be treated like a baby forever?”

“No.” Jungkook’s brow furrowed.

“Don’t worry,” Jin said. “I’ll show you how to do it. Watch and learn!”

“…What, now?” Jungkook wondered, as no one moved.

“Ah… maybe tomorrow,” Jin thought.

“Okay.” Aviva gave him a thumb’s up. “Let’s meet at the studio around this time tomorrow and see how it’s going.” Jin smiled nervously. “Yoongi-oppa, text me some kind of treat you want and I’ll bring it for you.”

“Hmm, now I kind of want to know what Hobi thought a gold star meant,” Yoongi said thoughtfully. Hoseok opened his mouth again.

“Nope.” Aviva made an X with her arms.

‘Have you decided what you want?’ Aviva texted Yoongi first thing in the morning before she even got out of bed.

‘…I wanna eat meat.’

‘You always do! But remember the budget…’

‘right. ㅠ.ㅠ ok. Can I be exempt from logs for the next couple of weeks? I can do a product review of the new soundboard that I’m getting, but it hasn’t come yet.’

‘Ok. The viewers will miss out on your cute face, though,’ she texted before she thought too much about it. She froze. Shit.

‘Shut up >//<, u r the cute one.’

She laughed. ‘No, it definitely you. Just look at that emoji usage!’

 ‘u text like my grandma.’

 ‘u live like a grandpa.’

 ‘I see, so we match well together~’

She laughed again. It wouldn’t be too bad if not everyone got a log out this week. As long as two of three members posted something, that would be good. But was that really enough of a treat for Yoongi? She hadn’t done any baking in a while, and if she did something with ingredients she already had, it wouldn’t break the budget.

‘Do you like sweet things?’ She texted, and then got up to get dressed and start the day. Her phone buzzed. She finished getting dressed and looked at it.

‘d(^_^)b Duh. ♡.♡ Check the name.’

 ‘I thought it had something to do with basketball?’

‘…It does. I was just… guess I’ve spent too much time with hyung. ^^; ’

Aviva snorted.

That morning, Hoseok had somehow convinced Yoongi to join him at a nearby basketball court. They were shooting hoops, and Hoseok was frustrated, because Yoongi was winning, even though he kept taking breaks to look at his phone. He kept smiling at it, and at one point Hoseok even thought he blushed, although that might’ve been from the exercise.

“Who are you texting with?” He wanted to know.

“Your mom,” Yoongi said, without looking at him. Hoseok whipped at his ass with his sweat towel. Yoongi attempted to fight back, but Hoseok caught the towel, holding it as he smirked.

“Ah. I bet it’s Avi-yah.” He leaned over closer, trying to get a look at Yoongi’s phone screen. “What did she say that made you blush like that? Or was it a naughty photo?”

“That would be sexual harassment, technically, I think,” he said, twisting away from Hoseok, trying to keep his phone hidden. “Since she’s our manager.”

“Not if it’s totally consensual,” Hoseok thought, grabbing at the phone. Yoongi finally just shoved his phone in his bag.

“Let’s go back to the dorm and shower before she gets there,” he said.

“You don’t want her to see you all sweaty and messy?” Hoseok teased. Yoongi shot him a weird look.

“She’s seen me after dance practice plenty of times.”

“Ah, right.”

They walked out of the court, continuing down the street towards the dorm.

“Anyway, she doesn’t seem like the type,” Yoongi said, so quietly Hoseok almost didn’t hear him.

“To want to see you sweaty?” He wondered, confused. Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“To take pictures like that.”

Hoseok blinked. “Eh? You were still thinking about that?” Hoseok grinned. Yoongi was definitely blushing this time. “It’s always the quiet ones. Like, I bet you’re pretty kinky.”

“Depends who I’m with,” he said honestly.

“Ah.” Hoseok nodded. “You’re a switch.” Yoongi stared at him.

“…Can I consensually murder you?”

“What? No! How would that even…” Hoseok stopped suddenly as a familiar car pulled up alongside them.

The window rolled down and Aviva waved at them.

“Morning, boys. Need a lift?”

“Sure!” Hoseok said, going to open the passenger seat door.

“Ah, no, I have stuff on the seat,” she told him. “Sit in the back.”

“Okay, okay.” They got in the back. “What’s on the seat?” He wondered, trying to lean forward to see.

“Buckle your seatbelt, Hobi,” she ordered.

“I got it.” Yoongi buckled him in.

“…They’re cookies I made for Yoongi-oppa,” she said quietly. Yoongi blinked, and then a smile spread over his face.

“What? Hyung doesn’t deserve cookies,” Hoseok protested. “He threatened to murder me!”

“Yeah, cause he was saying dirty stuff about you again, Siljangnim,” Yoongi told her, without even hesitating. Hoseok gasped.

“Aish, you tattletale! Seriously?”

“While I appreciate you trying to defend my honor, or whatever, oppa, don’t murder him, that would be too much paperwork. Anyway, that stuff doesn’t bother me,” Aviva said. Yoongi and Hoseok looked at each other, and then her.

“Wait, really?” Yoongi said. “Why?”

“I grew up with Soonyoung, so I’ve been kind of… desensitized to that stuff?”

“Ah.” Both boys nodded. “That’s why your reactions are so amusing,” Hoseok figured. Aviva made a face.

“You know, both her and Taehyungie have said that before, I don’t get what I’m doing that’s so amusing.”

“Hmmm. Well, it’s similar to the satisfaction I feel when get Yoongi-yah or Tae Tae to react to things,” Hoseok told her. “They’ve got good poker faces, but they’re marshmallows on the inside.”

“Yeah,” Aviva agreed. “Cause he’s Suga.” Hoseok laughed as Yoongi groaned, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Later in the Bangtan Room, Jin was dressed oddly formal, in a suit.

“Seokjin-oppa,” Aviva started, but Hoseok interrupted her, pressing his finger to her lips.

“Shush. Just let enjoy the view for a moment.” He paused, tilting his head. “Eh, the moment has passed—why such a plain suit? That cut and color? So boring…”

“More importantly,” Aviva said. “Jin-oppa, you don’t have to do this in front of us, if it’s stressing you out too much.”

“Ha ha, of course not! I’m not stressed at all,” Jin said. “Why would you think that?”

“You’re standing as stiff as a board!” Aviva said.

“So…” Jin brushed his hair away from his face, ignoring her. “I’m going to do a three-line poem using my name.”

Aviva stared at him as he recited. “I don’t get it... did I lose something in translation?”

“No,” Hoseok told her. “It’s just not funny.”

“Yah!” Jin said, finally breaking from his robotic stance. “What do you mean?”

“It wasn’t fun at all,” Jungkook agreed, his nose wrinkling as he smiled slightly.

“It was hilarious,” Jimin disagreed. “But maybe not for the right reasons.”

“I’ve been thinking about the concept for these logs, but… do you think three-line poems are the right direction?” Namjoon wondered, tapping his chin.

“Not to mention the suit…” Yoongi added.

“Right?” Hoseok agreed.

“Is it too much?” Jin touched his lapel nervously. “I thought it would show I’m taking it seriously.”

“Aw, Jin-oppa, I really do appreciate the thought…” Aviva smiled at him gently. He smiled back at her. “But you should change.” He pouted.

“What about Tae?” Jin wondered as she started shepherding him out of the room. “He’s just been whispering into the mic!”

Aviva shrugged.

“Eh, some people like that kind of thing.”

That night, Aviva had just gotten home when her phone rang. It was Jin.

She answered. “Yes?”

“Ah, Aviva-yah? I was wondering, well, I think I need to get more used to being in front of a camera, so, I thought… maybe you could take some pictures of me?”

“…Like a photo shoot?”

“Did somebody say photo shoot?” Soonyoung wondered, popping up from the couch.

“Ah, it’s Jin-oppa,” Aviva told her.

“Oh? That oppa? Can you put him on speaker?”

“Um, oppa, do you mind if I put you on speaker?” Aviva asked him. “Soonyoung-ah wants to be included.”

“S-Soonyoung-ah?” He repeated. “Um… okay, sure.”

“Alright.” Aviva hit a button. “You’re on speaker. I think I know where she’s going with this, by the way. Soonie’s always liked dressing people up and taking pictures of them.”

“Well, yeah,” Soonyoung said. “It’s fun. But you never played with me!”

“I don’t like having my picture taken, and I don’t really like dressing up either, you know that,” Aviva said.

“Anyway, it would be fun to have such a handsome model,” Soonyoung thought.

“H-Handsome?” Jin said. “You’re too kind.” Aviva squinted at her phone, wondering at Jin’s sudden change in personality.

“You don’t mind people dressing you up, do you, Jin-oppa?” Soonyoung purred. “Since you’re gonna be an idol soon, hmmm?”

“Ah, no, I don’t mind,” Jin said, sounding like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“Great!” Soonyoung said. “I’ve got some free time on my hands, so why don’t you meet me in the morning, that’s when the light will be best—ooh, ask Hobi to pick out a few outfits for you to bring, he’s good at that.”

“Okay, the ladies have arrived!” Soonyoung sang loudly, as they entered the dorm the next morning. She looked around. “Where is my model?”

“Ah, Soonyoung-noona,” Jimin smiled at her sleepily. He was still in his pajamas, sitting on the couch and playing a game on his phone, by the looks of it. “I heard there’s a photoshoot happening? Jin-hyung is in the kitchen, as usual.” Jimin pointed in the correct direction.

“Thanks, cutie.” Soonyoung leaned over and kissed his cheek before continuing on to the kitchen. Jimin’s face turned red.

“W-what?”

“…You haven’t really interacted with her much, have you?” Aviva realized.

“Ah, no, I’ve only met her a few times.”

Aviva nodded. “You get used to it,” she told him. Jimin looked doubtful. “Is Namjoon-ah in there too? He said he needed something.” Jimin nodded.

In the kitchen, Namjoon’s spoonful of cereal was frozen halfway to his mouth.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He said, eyes wide as he looked at Soonyoung.

“Joonie, I don’t remember saying you could address me so informally,” Soonyoung said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Soonyoung-ssi,” Namjoon amended, putting his spoon down like he’d lost his appetite. “Could you please tell me... what the hell are you doing here?”

“Didn’t you hear me yesterday?” Hoseok wondered. “Jin-hyung’s having a photo shoot.” Namjoon’s eyebrows went up.

“With her?” He pointed at Soonyoung. Hoseok nodded. Namjoon patted the frozen stiff Jin on the shoulder. “Good luck, hyung. You’re gonna need it.”

Soon Soonyoung had left with Jin, somehow conscripting Jimin to help her, with Hoseok volunteering to go along.

“Do you think Jin-oppa has a crush on Soonie?” Aviva wondered as she sat with Namjoon, Jungkook, and Yoongi in the studio room. Jungkook and Yoongi were looking through a free-use video library for good meme clips to add Namjoon’s more serious than expected rap encouraging voting.

“What?” Namjoon stared at Aviva.

“She is hot,” Yoongi said, blunt as ever.

“Well…” Namjoon looked hesitantly at Aviva.

“She’s hot. She knows it, I know it, we all know it,” Aviva said, unconcerned.

“I guess,” Namjoon agreed reluctantly. “But I didn’t think Jin-hyung was the type to go for just looks.” He looked worriedly at Aviva again.

“It’s fine. I love her, including her personality, but I know she scares a lot of people,” Aviva said. Jungkook grimaced.

“She is a little scary.”

“Some people are into that,” Yoongi pointed out.

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “Jin-hyung is like that? Really?”

“We don’t know that,” Namjoon said, waving his hand. “And I never said I was scared of her.” Everyone looked at him in disbelief. “Okay, maybe I am a little scared of her…” Yoongi patted him on the shoulder.

“It takes a brave man to admit his fear,” he said. Namjoon smiled at him. “Which means Kookie is braver than you.” Namjoon frowned. Jungkook laughed. “Anyway, can we stop talking about this and get back to your video? I’m bored.”

As far as any of them could tell, Jin had survived the photo shoot. He was very quiet when he got back, but definitely more relaxed.

“These are actually great,” Namjoon admitted reluctantly, clicking through the photos of Jin on the studio desktop.

“Right?” Tae agreed. “The lighting and composition are gorgeous.”

“And the way she directs your eye to all these little details you’d normally miss is so cool,” Jungkook commented.

“…Did you both take photography in school?” Namjoon wondered.

“A bit!” Tae said.

“No.” Jungkook shook his head. “Just a personal interest.”

“Ah, you guys are constantly impressing me,” Namjoon said, patting both their heads at the same time. Tae smiled. Jungkook blushed.

“Okay,” Aviva said, walking into the room. “I got Jin-oppa to eat something and then sent him to bed.”

“Eat what?” Tae wondered.

“I picked fried chicken up as a treat,” Avi told them. “It’s in my office.”

“What?” Jungkook’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier? It’s all gonna be gone.” He and Taehyung sped out of the room, though Namjoon stayed in his seat, frowning. Aviva sat next to him in Jungkook’s abandoned chair.

“Are you sure he’s alright?” Namjoon asked her.

Aviva nodded. “It’s just the Soonyoung after affect. I have seen it in many of her… um, objects of affections, over the years, even suffered it myself a couple of times.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hmm. She pays so much attention to you, it gets overwhelming,” Aviva explained. “It feels like she’s breaking you down and building you back up again stronger. She probably would’ve been a good manager… but she’s always been more interested in the technical side of things. She picked a broken old PS3 up off the street the other day and fixed it.” Namjoon made an impressed noise. “Don’t tell the boys, I don’t want them showing up at my apartment to play it at weird hours.”

“Got it,” he said.

That night, Aviva stayed in the studio to watch the vlogs on the desktop. Guilt stabbed at her chest when she saw Tae’s video in the queue. She should’ve told him what was said in that marketing meeting as soon as she saw him, but she knew it would hurt him. She was hoping to fight it somehow. Maybe if he’d made a really cute video it would convince the marketing team to retract their decision?

She clicked play, watching Tae excitedly brag about all the business cards various talent agencies had given him. There were some big names in there. Aviva leaned back in the chair, trying to untangle her feelings—the ones that came to the top were pride and possessiveness. She was proud that others saw how brightly Tae could shine, but she wanted to be the one to show everyone that light. But wasn’t that selfish? If she really wanted him to reach his dreams, shouldn’t she encourage him to strive forward, even if that meant alongside someone else...?

She sat back up, watching the video as Tae happily told the camera that he was already taken, and started making the cards into paper cranes. She smiled slightly.

“Manager-noona!”

She jumped as she felt someone’s hands on her shoulders.

“Kim Taehyung-ssi, are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Nope.” He was grinning. “But the guys don’t fall for that anymore, so you’re my best target!” She glared at him. He poked her cheek and cooed. “Even your glare is adorable!” She sighed, running her hand through her hair. She stared up at him, wondering how to break the news. He bit his lip, his playful expression turning into something she couldn’t read. “Ah, manager, why are you looking at me like that? That’s no fair!”

“Did you get taller?” She wondered absentmindedly, thinking she was having to crane her neck more than usual to look at him.

“Did I?” He wondered. “Stand up.” He took her hands in his, pulling her to her feet. Then he measured the distance from his head to hers and nodded thoughtfully. “The height gap has changed. It appears you’re correct, I am taller.” He smiled. “You’re so tiny, manager!”

“I’m really not...” Aviva automatically hugged her arms over her stomach.

“Well, maybe not all parts of you are small...” Tae glanced briefly at her chest and then blushed, moving his gaze to the ceiling. “But they are parts of you, and together they make up someone beautiful.” He booped her on the nose. “And cute.”

“I don’t agree, but thank you for the compliment,” she said stiffly.

Taehyung frowned. “I don’t do empty compliments.”

“I know. I have told you I admire your sincerity, Taehyungie.”

“Hmmm. You know, Jiminie doesn’t think he’s cute sometimes too, which is ridiculous, because he always is!” He tilted his head. “And I know I’m good looking, but sometimes people call me beautiful, like a few of those agents giving me business cards...” He pointed to himself on the screen. “And I’m not so sure how I feel about that.”

“Do you not want to be called beautiful?” Aviva wondered.

“I don’t know. Do you think I am?”

“Yes,” she said honestly.

He smiled. “Well, that makes me feel good, even if I’m not sure that’s exactly how I see myself... because you don’t give empty compliments either. Isn’t it amazing, noona, that no one sees things the same? You see me differently than I see myself when I look in the mirror. It’s like a painting, or a poem—we’re all art up to each other’s interpretation. I want to know more about how you see me, and I want to tell you more about how I see you.”

Aviva stared at him for a moment and then shook her head. “Tae, you are special, I’m sorry I can’t put it into such pretty, cheesy words as you do. There’s something else I have to tell you, and I don’t know where to start…”

“Would this help?” He held a crane out to her, which was made out of one of the biggest entertainment companies in the country. She swallowed. “I want to make a set of one hundred, but I want you to have the first one.”

“Are you planning on getting a hundred more offers?” Aviva wondered.

“Eh, maybe, if people keep calling me pretty,” he joked. He pointed at the video. “Will you post my video first?”

“I... I can’t,” she told him apologetically.

His brow furrowed. “Why not?”

She took a deep breath. “There was a marketing meeting earlier and they said, well, they want you to be a secret member.”

“Secret member?” He repeated.

“They don’t want to announce you until later. They know you’ll do well with the intended demographic and they’re hoping you’ll have even more of an impact if you come as a surprise,” she explained.

“I see...” He said slowly.

“So I’m not allowed to post any images of you online, but... I can fight it, if you want me to, Tae.”

He blinked at her. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re just as important a member of this group as any of the others, and I don’t want you to feel left out,” she said.

He smiled, a little sadly. “Thank you for offering, but I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with your sunbaenims.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I’ll make it through.”

Instead of Tae’s video, Aviva launched the official Bangtan Youtube account with Namjoon’s ‘get out there and vote!’ rap as the first post.

The next day she launched their twitter page after talking to them about what kind of message they wanted to open with:

'What’s up! This is BTS. We’re finally officially opening our BTS Twitter~ *Clap Clap Clap* We will upload more weird and fun things that one could have only imagined about before our debut…’

Next was Soundcloud, which she opened with a solo song adaptations by Rap Monster and Suga.

To wrap up the year, all of the boys recorded a Christmas diss track together (except for Hoseok who was visiting family for the holidays). They called out themselves, Big Hit, Bang-PD, even Aviva.

“When do I ever sleep?” She wondered, glancing over the lyrics as they gathered in the studio.

“Well, we told you it was a diss track,” Namjoon said slowly.

“Besides, blame Jungkookie,” Jimin said. “He wrote that part.” Jungkook and Aviva squinted at each other.

“You need to sleep more,” he told her pointedly.

“That’s not what you make it sound like!” She argued. “You make it sound like I’m at home sleeping while you work to death!”

“Aish, just post the video already before we all grow old and die,” Yoongi groaned.

Although only Jin and Rap Monster were featured in the Youtube video Aviva and Yoongi did the editing for, Tae was still excited to hear his voice in the background. Aviva returned his warm hug and tried not to think too much about the glow of pride for the first posts wearing off and leaving them only with the strain of hard work.

[destinyc1020]

can u elaborate a lil bit on wat u think "going on a break" mayb have meant to both T and Z? im assuming that T thought they were done for good n Z thought that theyre was room to try again

(Lol I hope you have a comfy chair! 😅)

Yea, I def think Z was keeping the door open, otherwise, she wouldn't have even bothered to give Tom that belated gift (neck chain). She's not poor lol, so throwing it away could have been an option if she was really through with him, especially had he been a bad bf. But he wasn't. They def still loved and cared about each other.... at least, that was what I gathered from their actions during the press tour.

They were also apparently still communicating with each other as well... (even for silly things), which was revealed in that press interview about Z sending Tom that calculator meme, and Tom not getting it, and him joking about being "ghosted by an actress named Zendaya" because Z didn't respond back coz she knew she would see him soon in the interview circuit lol. 😅Meanwhile, Jacob revealed that he didn't even get such a text at all lol . 👀

With Tom, I think the door was always still open as well, but like most men, he dealt with his pain through using distractions. I've noticed that a lot of times, Men and women deal with their pain a little differently. While women will a lot of times rally around with their family and friends and cry and talk, and vent, on the flip side, many times some men will quickly rebound, have a bunch of flings (or ONS), and engage in a bunch of other destructive behaviors (ie. drinking too much, being risky, etc) in order to mask or distract themselves from their pain.

It's almost ironic that the MORE in love a guy was with a woman, the more likely he will actually engage in those behaviors after a breakup. It's strange, but it's true. I think some women take it personally 

and view it to mean: “Oh, so he must not have really loved me anyway!" 😔.... But in realty, the OPPOSITE is actually true. Guys don't always deal with their emotions all that well tbh lol.

That's why, when some fans kept on saying: "Well, Tom moved on first with Olivia!!", I kept saying to myself: He's not really "moving on", he's rebounding. There's a huge difference.

And women rebound as well! They'll get with a bad boy, or just someone who doesn't remind them of their ex at all, because they're trying to quickly feel good again and “move on” also. But these rebound relationships don't usually work out in the long run, because the REASON why they got into the relationship in the first place was to get over someone ELSE. The person usually hasn’t done any personal reflection...no self/inner work, and the original purpose for getting into the relationship was skewed from the get-go, so usually these rlshps are either kind of superficial, or don't last as long as their previous long-term rlshp with their ex that they're trying so desperately to get over. 🤷🏾‍♀️  They’re just trying to feel good again, nothing more...nothing less. 

So bottom line, my guess is that deep down, Tom & Z both probably sort of had the door still "open" for each other to a possible reconciliation in the future, but Tom, feeling hurt (and being the more impulsive of the two of them), may have let his guard down that day at the festival, and was caught with Olivia. And of course, I'm sure him being seen in those pics with Z's neck chain gift didn't quite go over too well with Z at all. 👀

But by that point, I think Z felt like it was best that they just go their separate ways completely, since (in her eyes) it seemed as though Tom was ready to date other ppl. 🤷🏾‍♀️  I personally think she was hurt that he seemed to move on so FAST.... Especially right after the press tour.

Idk... in my mind this would kind of explain why Tom was returning the Tomdaya jacket after the Tolivia incident, and also why Z's behavior towards him seemed to change almost over night, and why Tom seemed so regretful for the pics, and it would prob also explain how his heartbreak was “kind of his fault....”.  (We still don’t know for sure WHO or WHAT “heartbreak” he was referring to, so this is all just speculation)

I've always wondered if TZ were fighting a lot and knew that a breakup was on the table, but weren't expecting the breakup in May to be the FINAL STRAW... but Olivia made it a firm breakup.

I think there's a huge difference btwn two ppl both realizing that even though they may love each other, their relationship is getting a little toxic/contentious, and so they both make a mature decision and agree that they need to take a BREAK from each other and not be in a relationship with each other right now (kind of like separation).....vs... "WE ARE OVER for GOOD!!" 😡(like, divorce)

Idk... this is just how I've always read the situation when the events first came out in July 2019....

But, who knows what REALLY happened ykwim? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Either way, they've both forgiven each other, and are on good terms now, so that’s all that really matters! 😊

[plaguedoctormemes]

Ive been jumping on this blog on and off and just periodically checking things. I’m mostly just focusing my energy on drawing, my classes and my girlfriend at the present moment.

While drawing, i had been absentmindedly watching/listening to stuff (mostly ridiculous stuff that i used to enjoy + fandom drama postmortems for a little nostalgia trip, and a laugh and an eyeroll) and it got me to thinking about what i made this blog for and what plaguecore means to me as a concept.

It’s weird. i take it seriously yet not seriously at the same time.

I was not the first person to create an entirely plague doctor themed blog (that wasnt scp-related) nor was i even the first person to claim the word “plaguecore” but i am often attributed with these things anyway. It’s wierd and i dont feel important for it in any way whatsoever. I originally just cross-posted memes i found from other sites and created a few memes of my own and posted here for me to go back and laugh at and before I knew it, people that werent my gf or a couple of my friends followed me for it. I started using “plaguecore” because i thought it was a neat aesthetic that could be distinct enough from witchy stuff and dark academia and general goth things, and my plaguecore blog was made purely for myself and myself only (same as this blog).

I had haphazardly written what plaguecore meant for me on my blog and i guess the reason why I’m writing this post in the first place is that i have always (and will always) hope that plaguecore and plague doctors would be associated with positive things regardless of its bleak past and implications, simply because I want those things to be true. I want anyone to feel comfortable dressing up and wear a funny bird mask no matter who or what they are and smell flowers and try to be helpful and feel capable of learning something new even though they might not have all of the equipment or resources in front of them. But i can only want and hope things for things to be fine, and know that that cant always happen. I can only hope that i can try to be as welcoming as I can and listen. I can only hope that I and everyone else can do the same.

I and other people within this community- hell, any community- can try to help others fee safe and welcomed. Any person can aim to want an inclusive and safe space, but that is only an ideology and not something that can always be described, or can be a promise well kept. But that in itself is not a bad thing, either. Claiming something “is” or “isnt” is such a finality in language that, as I grow, I feel rather uncomfortable with. It claims that something “is” something, period, and can never change or become something that it “isnt”. It cannot be “better” and cannot be “worse”. I’d rather things get better, whatever that means to you and I. I want it to be inclusive, but i cannot forsee if that desire is respected in any way. People will come and go, and language and minds can change either on a drop of a hat or over the course of time. People will buy funny masks and dump them in a forgotten box once we find something thats new we’re passionate about. Is that a good thing, because we are human and we love to discover and experience new things? Or is it bad because we are fickle, we love the latest trends, or because we hate to be stuck on old habits that embarrass us?

Will i delete this blog once i find a new hyperfixation that resonates with me more? Will i abandon it so it stays in an archival state? Or will i continue this until I get a shiny new doctor costume and reinvent myself with a new silly name? Will i keep it just because it’s been a fun casual little romp, or will I leave if things change for me too much too fast? I don’t think any of these things are necessarily bad or good, i think.

Why am i writing this? I don’t know. I’ve just been weirdly reflective and reverent lately, i guess. Feel free to ignore it.

[vvitchering]

@chamomileteainabuttercup tagged me in a fanfic writing Q&A and despite my extended hiatus from writing, I guess I have enough to make this worth doing!

How many works do you have on AO3?

32, and I can't believe I have that many wow

What’s your total AO3 word count?

56,612 which is both impressive and depressing lmao

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Romancing of the Bard (The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, the only thing that surprises me about this is how many kudos it got for being so short and unfinished and not entirely that original lmao I'm also a little salty that something silly like that did SO WELL and things I actually cared a lot more about were barely noticed)

For The Joy Of It (The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, this was written for a prompt on twitter and I ended up liking it enough to turn into its own fic. I like the themes, I like the ideas, I did what I set out to do, this was a pretty good one of mine)

Bloodmoon (The Witcher, gen but shippy if you want it to be, this is a favorite of mine still, even though I'm not involved in the fandom anymore. I'm proud that I managed to translate my thoughts to writing in a way that felt satisfying and did the idea justice, which is something I struggle with all the time)

Tokens of Affection (The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, I think this was one of the first fics I wrote for the fandom and it shows, but it's a sweet little story nonetheless)

All That We See Or Seem (The Witcher, Eskel/Geralt, I'm so happy this made the list. My magnum opus. I think out of all my fics (possibly excluding Bloodmoon) this is the one I was most easily able to See in my head as I developed it. My only regret is not being at a skill level high enough to really tell this story as it was meant to be told.)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! I definitely always respond to indepth comments that say a little more than "good story" because I really appreciate when people take the time to tell me what they liked or what worked for them. That helps me feel like I've accomplished something and points me in the right direction for my next story!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't tend to write angst, at least not of the unresolved variety, but Howl kind of.......is both of those things.....oops lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, only because I haven't found myself in two fandoms at once that I think work well enough together to do a crossover that isn't crack. I think the closest I ever get to this is when I use elements or settings from one thing and characters from another, like HDM Daemons, or when I was obsessed with the idea of BNHA characters in a Promare setting. But no actual character crossover, no.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nothing that made enough of an impression for me to remember. I think I get the usual "ew why does this ship even exist" crap once in a blue moon but I always ignore/delete it. I just don't have time for it.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Ehhhhhhhhhh, not REALLY? I've tried a few times, posted a few half hearted attempts, but that shit is hard. It's one of my biggest struggles and I hate that I still can't even do it in a way that feels comfortable to me as a writer and doesn't read extremely awkward.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once or twice, but I'm very picky about collaborations because I know myself and I know how difficult I am to work with. I'm protective of my ideas and I'm stubborn and I find it hard to try and mesh two different points of view on a subject most of the time. I do love to discuss ideas with my friends but when it comes to actually co-writing, I find it too hard 99.9% of the time. Which isn't to say that .1% where it does work isn't super fun! It is! But I think its worked successfully literally once or twice.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

This changes almost monthly at this point LMAO right now I'm really into symbrock (venom), dincobb & bobadin (the mandalorian), and lokius (Loki) still kinda intrigues me despite the show pissing me off

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

All of them. I hate having wips, I just want them to be done, how do I make them Done???

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good with descriptions, which I agree with. I do tend to see how I want things very clearly in my mind's eye so it's relatively easy for me to just describe what I'm seeing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else ;w; I'm very weak with action scenes, I always feel like my dialogue doesn't work/is clunky/is ooc, and I can't plan out or carry a plot to save my life. As much as it annoys me when pacing is messed up in media, I also can't pace things well. I either end up rushing through or dragging things out too much.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it depends. Multiple sentences worth is probably too much and ultimately unnecessary. I will definitely abandon a fic if I'm forced to keep looking for translations. But I'm a huge fan of peppering in a character's native language if it's appropriate. I did this with Trek for Spock and I do it now with Star Wars for Din and Boba. I think a word or phrase here and there is a good way to encourage immersion and bring characters to life, but there has to be a balance.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural way back in the day, but none of those made it to ao3. I think there's a few still floating around here though.........

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I have fun with every fic I sit down to write, honestly. In the moment, it feels good and fun to be working on something. It's after I'm done that I tend to get down on myself. If I HAD to pick, Bloodmoon was a lot of fun. I liked having a bigger cast of characters to write about and the action scenes in that one came so easily for once! I also enjoyed writing In Passion or in Laughter a lot because non-human POV stuff is always really interesting and fun to write. I'd like to write more Venom stuff some time.

Not gonna tag anyone because I can't keep track of who has and hasn't done these meme things so if you're a writer and you made it to the end of this and you want to, consider this me tagging you :)

[boringlibrarianthoughts]

A Former #Spn Fan Came out of Retirement in Time for the Finale and has Some Thoughts a Couple Months Later

I was a part of the #Spn fandom years ago. I mean years ago. I started watching the show in the third season when I was just starting high school. It was something I had to watch in secret, hidden in the dark of my room at 1 am watching it on my crummy laptop because my family wouldn’t have approved of it. Supernatural, of all things, was the first show I watched of my own volition and not because it was one of the few things my family deemed acceptable. I would occasionally scroll through the Tumblrs of others (because I def was not allowed to have my own) during the peak of Superwholock fandom (I was into the “Super” and “lock” but never the “who” – don’t come for me, I’ve just never seen it).

I stayed with it until about season 8 or 9. I was in college and had other stuff to do with my life, I guess (little did I know there’s no escaping this fandom). I missed several years. In 2017, I thought to myself: gee, I should catch up on this show. I haven’t watched it in quite a while. So I made my husband sit down with me, and we had a leisurely binge up until the current season at the time. Once we were caught up, we stopped watching again, letting episodes accumulate on Netflix.

And here I am now. I’m nearly 30. And in the disaster that was 2020, I decided – “hey, why not fill the time stay-at-home orders have given me with Supernatural? Besides, the last batch of episodes will be airing soon, so maybe this is my chance to catch up.” Cuz why not, right? My passion for it had surely subsided, right? It was too silly. I was a grown-ass lady. I’d gone to graduate school and I’d gotten married and I had a family, and somehow, the show that meant so much to me as a teen was still on television. HOW?

And catch up I did, over several months. I caught up in time to watch the last 4 episodes live.

Yes, there were weak spots and instances of just plain bad writing/planning. Looking back, the whole Cas being evil thing? Mary Winchester coming back from the dead (vom)? Ketch and the Men of Letters plot? Yeah, I could have done without all that. And Chuck being god and becoming the final villain was a little convoluted and silly. However – HOWEVER –

Watching the show again and catching up in time to view the last few episodes live felt like going home. I had forgotten how much I loved this show. I had forgotten what a big part of my life it was – growing up lonely and unhappy, staying up late and sneaking Supernatural was one of the joys of my youth. I felt like a kid again. I had forgotten how Sam and Dean and Cas felt like my homies that I got to hang out with once a week. I realized I had matured out of being “too mature” for it and could appreciate it now for what it was, and it was so fun.

All that is to say I am actually sad and in something of a grieving process about it being over. I truly enjoyed it, and I felt a connection to the characters (and why not? I’ve spent half of my life with them). I say that to just point out how silly I find this: at nearly 30 I’m getting a kick out of a fandom for a show I broke up with several times. Maybe it’s the nostalgia? Who knows, but I’m having fun and no one can stop me.

It being over, albeit in a way I’ve predicted for years, hurt. There will be no more new adventures with the trio. No more bantering, no more brilliantly absurd episodes. It just feels sad. My only consolation is the wisdom of which episodes to skip in my future rewatches. And, with 300+ episodes, I’ve forgotten enough over the years that it’ll almost be like watching it again for the first time. Almost. Of course now, I know how it ends up.

The best part? I’m scrolling through awesome Supernatural memes that I haven’t seen since the Jonas Brothers were a big deal. The original fans have crawled out of the woodwork to analyze the show from our now adult perspective, and it’s ridiculous and fun.

[thefloatingshoppinglist]

A Letter to the DP Phandom

I’m usually not passionate about stuff.

But ever since I rewatched Danny Phantom in the 10th grade on a random nostalgia trip, that passion was ignited again. It sounds silly, and I’m still a little insecure of talking about it in public. And as a kid with ADHD it’s also been hard for me to try to write fic or find the motivation to draw all the ideas that are burning in my head, and I wish I could finally let it out and show the world just how much I feel about this show. It’s harder when you say the words “Danny Phantom” and unsurprisingly the first response you’ll probably get is “Oh that Nickelodeon show? Yeah I remember that,” to which the conversation ends. But there is so much more to be said.

It’s been said before so many times, and every time it’s talked about there’s this feeling in my gut that is screaming at me to shout it out to the world. So I won’t go into it too much as to what made this show special, but what’s important is that it had potential and that it deserved to be carried out to the best story it could have been. Danny Phantom in itself is a fantastic concept, that got screwed over by multiple factors. Nick, who only cared about Spongebob and FOP, and the show’s creator, who was absent for most of its production because he was too busy with the other things he was in charge of. If you think about it, his absence from his own idea is probably what jump started this show, and I guess we can be grateful for that.

Now we can only think about what Danny Phantom could have been. Perhaps if the concept was given to the ATLA team or if the concept was hatched in the brainstorming meeting room of a Japanese anime studio it could have delved into every idea that was implied, where to be fair, all fanfiction fuel originated from. I cannot even begin to count how many times I have paused an episode of this show to analyze exactly what was being said and what that meant for the world in the story.

Spectra, the misery ghost? If she had been jumping from school to school making kids depressed for her own gain, how many did she indirectly kill?

How would Valerie have reacted to find out that the ghost she hated so much for ruining her life was actually a boy she fell in love with?

Or Jack, after finding out that his supposed best friend in the world was actually a terribly corrupted ghost bent on destroying his family?

And Danielle, who has to deal with the idea that she has no real identity outside of being a perfect little clone, and just a mistake that was never meant to exist?

And what about Danny, who watched all of his friends and family die in an instant, give way to a horrible future that he is responsible for, who we never saw shed a single tear in the 52 episodes in the series?

I could go on. But I won’t for your sake.

There is nothing more disappointing to me sometimes than to think of Butch Hartman’s - the creator’s view of the show compared to the rest of this phandom’s. Us phans is what has made the show’s passion stay alive. Something Butch Hartman’s God-given creative mind apparently can’t possibly accept. I would love to have believed otherwise, but I feel that he doesn’t understand that we are just as responsible for its success as he and the DP crew was.

Butch seems to see all of our ideas as little fantasies that can’t compare to his own. And you know what else he sees differently from us?

Butch imagines Sam Manson as the sidekick love interest girl for the superhero. We see her as a flawed human being with a tough childhood and a hidden guilt for how she changed her best friend’s life.

Butch imagines Tucker Foley as a nerd sidekick purely there for comedy relief. We see him as a clever kid who would sacrifice his reputation for his friend.

Butch imagines Maddie and Jack Fenton to be ghost hunting fanatics who can never change their ways for anyone. We see these parents as two people driven by passion, but will give it all up in a heartbeat if it meant that they knew their son felt safe with them.

Butch imagines Vlad Masters as a black-and-white villain bent on taking over the world, yet we see this man as someone who understands what he does and justifies his hatred for Jack in order to get what he wants - all the while his ghost half is killing the last bits of humanity he has left, leaving him an insane but interesting character.

And then there’s Danny, who Butch sees as an incredibly powerful ghost hero, and ignored him for what this character really stands for - a high school kid with real, down to earth issues and one of the purest hearts I have ever seen in any superhero medium. Even through all the shit he goes through in the show, he still holds true to his values that all people deserve a second chance to live a good life - even those who don’t deserve it.

This short-lived Nicktoon has a lot of soul in it. One that will probably never be resurrected to achieve the culture that it could have had. It feels like a curse, really. Either a reboot from Butch with none of that soul, or nothing at all. And so maybe it’s best we never get one. After all, this phandom has such an unlimited passion compared to all of the other fandoms I’ve been a part of. No one is as unique as you guys. The Space AU, Wes Weston, and the memes we’ve shared are proof of that. I haven’t done that much here because it’s hard for me to communicate anything with what I feel are limited talents. But I want to try now, because of how much the passion for this show has touched me.

And maybe if we have enough, if it can burn long enough, we might be able to give it back and give Danny Phantom the love that it deserves.

[benisasoftboi]

Gushing time.

Rune Factory 4 Special arrived a day early, so my entire day has been consumed in nostalgia. The original Rune Factory 4 was the first video game I ever bought on release day - I remember saving up all my money and making my mum drive me to like three different shops trying to find one that had it. I was already a fan of the franchise - before then, Rune Factory 3 had been my favourite video game, across the board. Aside from a playthrough of the first game last year, I haven’t played a Rune Factory game in a long time, certainly not RF4. But just starting up the game and hearing the music again, it was like it was suddenly seven years ago. Running around Selphia and seeing all the characters again - I love JRPGs, have played a lot of them, and I can think of very few that have characters that have stuck with me this long. And the aesthetics - the best thing about the Rune Factory franchise has always been the aesthetics, the music, the scenic and character design, just the general world. It’s a beautifully whimsical balance of urban and fantasy, and it’s the only JRPG world I think I’ve ever come across that I would genuinely want to live in. Rune Factory may no longer be my favourite game franchise - but I don’t think there has ever been another series that has felt so much like home to me.

Here’s a very long selection of personal highlights from the art book (by which I mean photos of the art followed by my rambling opinions):

Yeah, see, here’s the thing - Rune Factory 1 is not a good game. I could write an entire essay on why it’s bad (I actually started and got pretty damn far before realising no one’s interested in my two thousand word review of a game that came out over a decade ago - the short version is ‘Misty Bloom-fucking-Cave’. Anyone who’s played RF1 knows exactly what I mean). Don’t get me wrong, it has good qualities - excellent boss fights, for one, and also, as with the rest of the franchise, it is aesthetically wonderful. But ultimately, it feels less like playing a video game, and more like playing a proof of concept for a game. Which I guess it kind of was - and I can’t hate it because we wouldn’t have the rest of the series without it.

But it literally ends with a dragon spewing plant breath on a tank to make a turnip grow out of the gun. ‘Profound’, my arse. 

It’s Raguna! The “master sowrdsman!” (that is not a typo on my part that is a direct quote from the ending of Rune Factory 1 this game’s script had so many issues-). And Mist! My favourite of the ‘canon’ love interests!

Best girl! When I was a kid, my favourite love interest in RF1 was Rosetta. As an adult, it is Tabatha. I don’t know what it is about her that I find so likeable (she’s as lacking in personality as any other RF1 character), but... idk, I just like her a lot.

Camus’s big ambition is to leave town like even once. He will never achieve it

Fun fact about Melody is that she’s extremely depressed, a fact that comes up once in an optional side quest and is never addressed again. It’s incredibly dark for an RF game

Fun fact about Lukas is that he sucks (he’s one of those ‘obsessed with talking about how hot all the girls are’ characters, an archetype that thankfully doesn’t show up again in these games). But also, interestingly enough, thanks to one of RF1′s many, many script errors, if you marry Rosetta (the girl Lukas is the most obsessed with), he’s supposed to express disappointment that he lost her to Raguna - but instead, he implies that he’s disappointed to have lost Raguna to her. The translators typoed their way into giving him a sexuality change. Which is honestly kind of amazing.

LOOK AT THIS SLIME THIS IS SUCH A COOL SLIME LITERALLY EVERY OTHER JPRG SLIME GO HOME DRAGON QUEST GET FUCKED (jk I like Dragon Quest a lot and its slimes are cool too). Wish you could see in-game that this is what they’re meant to be like.

I just generally love the monster designs, they’re really charming

Rune Factory 2! The RF game with the most weirdly mundane protagonist name (Kyle. In the main four games of this franchise we’ve got Raguna, Micah, Lest, Frey... and Kyle). The two generations thing was actually very cool, but when they say ‘each chapter captures a different lifestyle’, what they really mean is ‘the first half is a weak Harvest Moon I’m sorry, STORY OF SEASONS game, and the second half is a pretty good Rune Factory game’  

lookit this little fuck

Yue Yue Yue! I love Yue so much, she’s great. She’s kind of like a much chiller version of Anna from Fire Emblem.

It’s really cool that we got to see grown up Cecilia (she was in RF1). I have this silly headcanon that if Kyle doesn’t marry Mana, Nicholas (her friend in 1) comes to visit Cecilia one day in the hazy-post game future, and meets Mana, and they get together. While Yue is my favourite, I do genuinely like Mana a lot, and I just want her to find love, I guess.  

Here’s original Barrett! There’s a reason he was popular enough to make a reappearance (well, aside from the whole grumpy pretty boy thing he’s got going on) - he was a great character in this game. His and Dorothy’s relationship is also definitely the most compelling of the rival romances. Bonus Max, who also has a little shout-out in RF4 (check the diary in what will become Dylas’s bedroom at the start of the game)

Ray is male, but apparently he was originally going to be a female character, as he has an unused portrait in a wedding dress. My friend and I agree that this makes him a Trans Icon

Monster designs remain excellent. Especially the goblins

Skipping over Frontier (and also Oceans later), as I never got to play it growing up due to not having a console, and still haven’t got around to it - might try this summer. Except I do need to point out that these guys should be memes. I don’t know in what way. But they should.  

Rune Factory 3! My first RF game. The transformation thing was very cool, even if it was basically useless outside the main story. My friend and I spent hours mucking about in the WiFi dungeon. I loved the desert settlement and all of the dungeon designs in general, and man, RF3 is just great. I hope it gets a remake one day.

Raven Raven Raven! I LOVE Raven (as do most). Her story with Micah is the first time I can remember getting genuinely invested in a video game romance. I’m so glad she cameos in RF4. I love her. She’s wonderful.

I have an odd fondness for Marian. When I was about twelve, I decided to do a playthrough where I deliberately romanced the least popular bachelorette. After poking around on forums, I determined that character to be Marian, and did a run with her. And... I actually came to really like her. I find her endearing. I get that people find her annoying and don’t like her... unethical medical practices, but doing that run has still made me a pretty protective of her. It’s been a long time since I played RF3, so maybe I’d change my mind if I replayed now, but currently, as far as I’m concerned,  Marian’s a good’un.

I think I also used to low key ship her with Collette lol 

Pia’s official art has always been super weird to me because it’s so not what her character is like in-game. She’s a ditzy airhead. This makes her look so serious

RAINBOW! Another character whose art makes them look way more serious than they actually are. Daria is great and would be a meme if this game was more popular. I think she’s also implied to be a relative of Margaret. 

I’ve always been super confused about what Kuruna’s skirt is meant to be. Is it fur? Is it part of her shirt? Is it even a skirt at all?

Check it out, it’s the guy everyone would ship Micah with if this game was more popular

I want Zaid to make a reappearance and interact with Doug. Pretty sure it’s canon that they’re from the same clan? Think it would be very interesting.

RF3 definitely had the coolest farm. Also, still love the desert settlement.

This is from Oceans, so I have no context, but it’s just so cool that I had to share

Rune Factory 4. Culmination of the series is right - when I was playing it for the first time, I remember being blown away by just how much it is a true love letter to the franchise. I have never come across another game series that so consistently grew and improved from entry to entry. RF4 was a perfect ending.

Not that I’m complaining about getting RF5. Quite the opposite.

But if it had been the end (as we all thought it was until about a year ago), well, like I say. Perfect. 

Well. Aside from soda can nipples. Can’t believe they didn’t fix those. Though in some ways, that would have made me sad too

Dolce has such a cool design, in both human and monster form. I’ve always kind of crack-shipped her with Margaret, for no real reason at all

Vishnal! I love Vishnal. Vishnal is pure as heck. Marrying him this time around.

Doug! My choice from last time around. Another character who looks more serious in his official art than he is in-game (well... most of the time)

And then there’s Dylas, who looks much happier here than he does most of the time. Kind of looks like he and Doug swapped bodies, actually. There’s a fanfic prompt for you.

Their ship name is Dyldo. I love them

Leon is nostalgic for me mostly because my friend and I used to get into a lot of arguments about whether or not he’s the hottest character in the game. She maintains that he is, because muscles. I maintain that muscles aren’t actually that attractive. It is a rift that divides us to this day

(He looks oddly... younger in this art though? Weird)

Sechs Empire is such an unfortunate name. Seriously. How rushed was RF1′s localisation team? All those script errors, and then this (the Sechs were the antagonists in the first game, and were only referenced in passing in the rest until RF4 - so it was a bit of a ‘sins of the father’ situation by then).

Seriously, try saying ‘Sechs Emperor’ out loud and tell me you can take this man seriously 

I??? Love??? Them???

I??? LOVE??? THEM???

Still confused as to why Kiel, Xiao Pai, Arthur and Margaret are on the cover now. Don’t get me wrong, I like them, but... Amber, Dylas, Dolce and Leon made way more sense? Even the Archival Cover makes more sense (Vishnal, Clorica, Forte), as those three are all kind of Lest/Frey’s servants (well, Forte for the whole town, but still). Of those first four, all but Arthur basically lift right out of the game with little-to-no impact on the story

NO HAT TABATHA NO HAT TABATHA

I’ve always really loved this Raven picture

And I am thankful for you <3

[rena-rain]

...Smile the Brightest

The saddest people…

It’s that friend you never thought you’d have to worry about. The one with the infectious laugh. The one you don’t know is hiding the most pain.

Marinette realizes she should have been watching closer.

ao3 link

----

Marinette was struggling to keep her eyes open. Hawk Moth had decided three AM was an excellent time to release an akuma. The fight was over by three-twenty, but the adrenaline and nerves and general anxiety kept her awake much longer. She woke up frustrated and dead on her feet.

She was late for school and kept tripping over low walls and her own feet and fire hydrants she didn’t see because of her falling eyelids. It all culminated when she miscalculated where she walked and slammed her shoulder into the locker room door. She heard a stifled gasp. Marinette froze on instinct, listening. There was a moment of silence followed by a sudden series of hard, shuddering gasps.

Somebody was crying, and holed up in the locker room to hide it. Cautiously, Marinette turned the corner.

“Oh my god, Adrien!” She rushed to his side, knelt where he was curled up against the lockers with his face buried in this knees, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t reply, just cried harder. Heart in her stomach, Marinette wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Adrien tucked his head into her neck and gripped her tight. His body shook against hers. Hot tears spilled onto her skin.

Marinette had no idea how long they sat there on the cold ground as Adrien sobbed. It hurt to see him like this. But the only thing she could do was stay and stroke his hair, letting him cry himself out.

Once the tears petered out and his breathing became even, Adrien’s hold on her loosened. His form went slack. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

Marinette looked down at him in shock. “Sorry? Don’t be silly - not, not that you’re silly! I mean - you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m here for you when you need me.”

Adrien closed his eyes. “Thank you, Marinette.”

A few minutes passed with neither of them moving. Finally she asked, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It made you cry.”

“I’m just tired.” Adrien pulled away and gave her a wan smile. “I didn’t sleep much last night and I just got set off easily today.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet, too. Marinette fiddled with her backpack strap. “Adrien...you don’t have to tell me. But if you ever want to or just need someone to listen - ”

The school bell interrupted her. Did they just miss all of homeroom?

Adrien surprised her with a quick hug. “I appreciate it, Marinette. Really.” Students filed in to get their books for their next class and Adrien released her and walked away, leaving Marinette frozen in her hailstorm of emotions.

“ Girl. ” Alya jolted her to her senses. “Did I just see Adrien hugging you? Did you and Adrien skip class together? Oh my gosh, tell me everything, spare no details.”

Oh, shoot. Alya thought she’d walked in on a … romantic overture. “No, no, it wasn’t like that. I was late and Adrien was already here…” she trailed off. It wasn’t her place to tell anyone Adrien had been upset. He obviously wanted to keep that on the down low, and he’d never trust her if she blabbed about walking in on him in tears , even if it was just her best friend, who was his best friend’s girlfriend, so Nino would probably find -

“Then what was it?”

“I shouldn’t say. It’s kind of private.”

Alya’s face fell for a moment. It wasn’t in her nature to just let things go, especially stuff involving her friends. Then she shrugged and grinned. “I get it. I’m happy you guys are getting closer, at least.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I’ve got notes from Ms. Bustier’s class this morning I can send you. Did you hear about the akuma last night? I slept through the whole thing, I’m so bummed…”

It was hard not to get excited when Alya was excited; her enthusiasm was infectious. Marinette loved having her as her best friend.

-

Marinette’s phone went off at eight that evening. It was a text from Adrien.

Adrien: Thank you for staying with me this morning.

Adrien: Is your offer to talk still on the table?

Marinette: Of course.

He didn’t respond for a while. The text bubble appeared and disappeared several times. Marinette bit her tongue anxiously.

Adrien: It’s stupid. As I was leaving the house this morning I heard my father yelling in his office. I think he was on the phone or something. Usually I can just ignore it and I thought I did but then Chloe yelled my name this morning and I just kind of lost it.

Marinette: This happens a lot?

Adrien: No, I normally have better control of myself.

Marinette: No no I meant the yelling.

Adrien: Sometimes I guess. Not like all the time but enough that it shouldn’t catch me off guard like that.

Marinette: It’s not stupid at all! Hearing your dad like that must feel awful.

Another five minutes passed before he responded. It only took two for Marinette to start spiralling.

“Oh my god, Tikki, did I say something wrong?”

Tikki looked at the phone. “Doesn’t look like it to me.”

“What if I accidentally offended him? What if he thinks I’m a bad friend and he never talks to me again?”

Her phone chimed.

Adrien: It does.

Adrien: It really does.

-

The next day Marinette met her friends to find them all cheery as ever. Adrien was laughing with Nino and Alya, looking like nothing could ever get under his skin.

He gave her a one-armed hug in greeting and her entire being immediately lit on fire. Alya smirked at her knowingly.

She kept one eye on Adrien for the rest of the school day. She noticed he seemed a little subdued when he had to go home for lunch but otherwise he seemed fine. Good, even. He laughed, he bantered with his classmates, he helped Rose study for their physics exam, he listened to a new mixtape Nino had made.

Maybe his bout of crying had been a one-time thing after all. Maybe she shouldn’t be worried.

He texted her again later that night.

Adrien: Can I ask you something?

Marinette: Yeah go ahead, anything

Adrien: How often do your parents eat dinner with you?

Marinette blanched at the question.Where did that come from?

Marinette: It kinda depends on how busy they are with the bakery.

Marinette: Like a lot of days, tonight was just me and my mom. But I get both my mom and dad a few times a week.

Adrien: I wish I had that. I’m lucky if I see my father two days in a row.

Marinette: Well, I’m sure my parents would love to have you over sometime if you’re eating alone.

Adrien: I don’t want to intrude

Marinette: I’d have to ask them first, but I don’t see them saying no.

Adrien: I doubt he’ll let me go out. But we’ll see.

Adrien: You’re an awesome friend, you know?

Marinette: That means a lot coming from you.

-

A couple things changed from then on.

First was a slight shift in Adrien’s behavior at school. He made a habit of touching her in a dozen small ways every day. A hand squeeze. A friendly side hug. A brush of fingers when he hands her a pen. Sitting next to her with their thighs lightly pressed together. Bumping her shoulder when he makes a silly joke. The contact flustered her at first, but with each day that passed she drew more comfort from his touches. Adrien was only touchy-feely with his friends. Marinette hoped this meant he trusted her.

Second, Adrien texted her every night without fail. Sometimes he just sent her a fashion-related meme that made her giggle and said goodnight. Usually they talked about their days, teachers and homework, Marinette’s projects and Adrien’s extra lessons. After some coaxing, he sent her a recording of an original piano piece he was composing. It was a little rough but the melody brimmed with emotion and it brought tears to her eyes. She saved the audio file and told him it sounded beautiful.

Marinette: I’d love to hear the later versions as you work on it

Adrien: Absolutely! I send you another recording once it’s finished.

Marinette: Would you be willing to play it for me in person?

Adrien: :) we’ll see

The more they talked, the more convinced Marinette became that Adrien wore happiness like a mask. She caught glimpses of sadness in his texts; she inferred he wasn’t happy at home. It wasn’t surprising. Whenever Adrien talked about his dad it was about his absence or his making all of Adrien’s decisions for him.

One late night he really opened up to her.

Adrien: I think I might hate him

Marinette: Your dad?

Adrien: Awful, right?

Marinette: Definitely

Adrien: Yeah. I feel like such a shitty son. I shouldn’t hate my own father.

Marinette: Wait no no no no no!

Marinette: I didn’t mean YOU were awful!

Marinette: You’re wonderful Adrien it’s just that you hate him is awful

Marinette: Ugh

Marinette: I meant the SITUATION is awful. I thought that’s what you meant. It sucks that you’re in this position.

Adrien: You’re right. It sucks.

Marinette: What brought this on now?

Adrien: Maybe hate isn’t the right word. More like resent. I’ve had to fight tooth and nail for every ounce of freedom he’s given me. I have to make an appointment with his assistant just to talk to him.

Adrien: Yet he controls every second of my day and I never even see him

Marinette: Is that why you snuck out to see your mom’s film last year?

Adrien: Yeah. We ended up watching it together at home. I remember he said I should’ve trusted him.

Adrien: He’d told me to schedule a meeting time with Nathalie. He couldn’t stop working for five minutes to hear me out

Adrien: It was just “not now, go practice your piano, Adrien”

Adrien: How exactly does that give me the opportunity to trust him?

Marinette: It doesn’t.

Adrien: I want to. My mother’s gone. He’s my only family.

Marinette typed a response. Then deleted it. Started a different response and backspaced halfway through the message. She wanted to make him feel better. She wanted to throw a Lucky Charm in the air and magically fix everything wrong in his life. A memory perked up, something her dad had told her.

He’d said, “You can’t fix all your loved ones’ problems. Sometimes the most important thing is to affirm that the situation is bad and let them know they’re not alone.”

Marinette: I’m so sorry, Adrien. That must be really hard.

Adrien: I’m sorry for unloading all that on you.

Marinette: No

Marinette: Thank you for trusting me.

-

On Friday morning, the bell rang, signalling all the students to move on to their next class. Alya turned to Marinette as they got up and packed their school supplies. “Hey M, wanna do a sleepover tonight?”

“Oh I’d love to!” Marinette replied happily. God knows she could use a break with her best friend. “Your place?”

“Actually, can I come over to yours this time? I could use a night away from home.”

“Something wrong?”

Alya chuckled as they walked into the crowded school corridor. “Nah, just too many sisters. It gets crowded and noisy and girl, I cannot watch the Ladybug cartoon again. ”

Marinette giggled. “Because of you, I savor being an only child. Let me call my mom and dad, I’ll leave them a message.”

Truth be told, Marinette could use the distraction. Adrien’s dual personality made her worried sick. He acted like the same Adrien he always had, though they’d become closer now. He was helpful, and quiet, and funny, and bright...a ray of sunshine that made her feel warm whenever he was near. At night when she struggled with the homework he called and talked her through the assignment. He texted her screenshots of animal memes all the time. (Her favorite was a picture of a squirrel that looked like it was water-bending. The one of a Labrador holding a glove by the middle finger had made her spit out her water in shock.)

But some nights...some nights, everything he kept dammed up inside him trickled through the cracks. He couldn’t even admit he was annoyed without two apologies and a self-flagellating monologue.

She felt like a bad friend. But Marinette needed one night of complication-free friendship.

-

After school Alya went home to pack an overnight bag then came straight back to the bakery, looking ready to chill for hours. But Friday or not Friday, Marinette insisted they get as much homework done as they could before dinner. Alya complained that they had the whole weekend and she felt exhausted but Marinette knew if she didn’t start now then she wouldn’t start until Sunday night and she refused to get grounded again and besides what if Hawk Moth chose that exact moment to set loose an akuma on the city?

Predictably, when Tom called them down for dinner Alya leapt out of her chair and vanished through the trapdoor before he could finish speaking.

Despite what she’d said earlier that day, Marinette sometimes wished she had a sister or a brother. She loved her parents, but the dinner table always felt a little fuller and livelier with a friend there, too. For a moment, she felt a pang of sadness when she saw her mom kiss the crown of Alya’s head before sitting down; it made her think how much Adrien probably needed that.

(She still thanked God there were no screaming babies or toddlers waking her up in the middle of the night.)

The girls did the dishes since Tom and Sabine had cooked - not to mention worked in the bakery all day - and spent as much time scrubbing as flicking soap bubbles at each other.

Out of the blue, Alya asked, “Marinette, have you ever played poker?”

“Umm...no?”

“Wanna learn?”

“Girls.” Sabine chose that moment to walk into the kitchen with her tea. “I’d advise against it. Gambling can be very addictive, I don’t want you to get in the habit of betting away your money,” Sabine admonished. “Marinette, you’re allowance is for you to practice managing your finances.”

“I mean, we can play without putting precious euros on the line.” Alya’s eyes lit up. “Hey Mme. D-C, how many leftover pastries does the bakery have today?”

Alya was a genius. She dealt the cards while Marinette divided up the sweets into their pseudo-currency. Marinette couldn’t shuffle for the life of her; the one time she tried it turned into a game of 52 pick-up. But her eye for strategy translated into cards as well as video games. After she won four hands in a row Alya pouted at her about beginner’s luck and “I’ll beat you so hard when you’re not new anymore,” making them both laugh.

-

Saturday morning, Marinette woke up to find herself as Alya’s new teddy bear. The blatant, subconscious affection warmed Marinette’s heart. With winter approaching and the weather getting colder, Alya’d gotten more cuddly the last few sleepovers.

She batted her hand around until it found her phone to check the time. Two messages glowed from her lockscreen, from 9:15 and 9:26 last night.

Adrien: Hey, are you awake?

Adrien: Sorry, you’re probably sleeping, I hope I’m not bothering you.

Marinette squeaked, then slapped her hand over her mouth. Alya thankfully didn’t stir. She unlocked the phone and started typing.

Marinette: God, I’m so sorry Adrien! Alya slept over last night and I just wasn’t paying attention to my phone - I promise I’m not ignoring you!

Adrien: No worries, it’s cool. Did you have fun?

Marinette: We stayed up too late watching old movies and playing blackjack. Right now she’s still asleep and has me in a death grip.

Marinette: Did your evening go okay?

Adrien: It was fine. Not as exciting as yours :)

Did a smiley face emoticon mean he was actually smiling? Or was it just a simpler smile to hide behind over the phone? God, she’d do anything to make Adrien smile.

-

Days passed. A week passed.

Nino and Marinette managed to snag Adrien on one of his evenings off. According to him, convincing his father to let him go to dinner with friends had been like pulling teeth, even though they never ate together anyway. But in the end he’d relented, so Adrien spent the evening being smothered by Marinette’s parents while Marinette watched with a red face and Nino sang praises to Tom Dupain-Cheng’s cooking. She’d rarely seen him so animated before. Something in Adrien just came alive. He shamelessly entertained Tom with horrible, horrible puns (that left Nino, Marinette and Sabine) groaning into their food. He talked to Sabine in Mandarin while she gently corrected his pronunciation. He even loosened up enough for Nino to shoot a grape into his mouth, though Nino was quickly admonished for encouraging childish behavior at the table that should really be reserved for the kitchen.

The only thing that could have made that night more perfect was if Alya could’ve joined them, but she’d been home sick with the flu.

-

Two weeks passed.

Marinette wasn’t sleeping well. She had nights like that, when no matter what she did she just wouldn’t drift off. Adrien hadn’t responded to her texts, so she hoped he was just asleep. She was passing the time bundled up in a warm coat and blanket on her terrace, knitting a new sweater for her mom.

She startled at the movement in her peripheral vision. A certain leather-clad superhero was perched on her railing, tail swishing agitatedly. He leapt to the floor and landed on his feet.

“Chat Noir? What are you doing here?”

“I...I…” he swallowed. “Alya Cesaire’s your best friend, right? The ladyblogger?”

That was incredibly low on the list of things Marinette expected him to say. “Yeah.”

“I saw her jump off a building tonight. I caught her at the last second and took her to the hospital, but she has some bruises and a broken rib.”

They stared at each other in silence. Moments stretched into minutes.

“She jumped?” The words were hardly a whisper.

Chat nodded.

“She tried to...to kill herself? No. No no no nonononono…”

Marinette yanked at her pigtails. She wasn’t looking at Chat Noir anymore but she did hear his soft voice. “If I weren’t there...I wouldn’t believe it either.”

“ Why? Why would Alya…” Chat seemed to understand what she needed. He held her tightly to his chest, arms around her waist and back while she muttered and stared at nothing in shock.

It would not surprise her if they’d stood like that for hours, smushed together and silent, while Marinette slowly came to terms with what she’d heard. It didn’t make sense. But this was Chat Noir. Her partner whom she trusted implicitly. He would never lie to her, he would never just make this up.

“You’re sure she didn’t just fall? She definitely jumped?” Her voice cut through the silence like a dagger.

“She jumped.”

But Alya would never do this. She was too…

...happy.

Alya was too happy.

The realization hit her like a bullet train. Whatever was going on, she’d been hiding it from the world this whole time.

For the first time Marinette sobbed. She pounded her fists on Chat Noir’s chest. “I’m her best friend! How did I not know? She should’ve told me she felt so bad, she - I can’t believe - I’ve been so blind, why didn’t I notice anything? Why didn’t I NOTICE anything? She needed me!”

They sank to the wooden floor of her terrace while she cried.

And cried more. She cried so hard at some point she started screaming. Her parents, well-attuned to their daughter’s distress, burst through the trap door.

“What’s happened? What’s going on? Marinette, oh dear, what’s wrong?”

Chat Noir gently transferred Marinette to her mother. “It’s delicate, Mssr. and Mme. Dupain-Cheng. I caught a jumper while I was on patrol tonight, and, um. It was Marinette’s friend, Alya Cesaire. She’s alive and in the hospital.”

Marinette heard Sabine gasp.

“I apologize for dropping this on her so late at night. I should’ve waited.”

When he let out a surprised mew, Marinette peeked over her mom’s shoulder. Tom had scooped up Chat Noir in a hug. “You saved my little girl’s best friend. Thank you, Chat Noir.”

Chat Noir looked miserable. Marinette tried to imagine being in his shoes, if she were out patrolling as Ladybug and spotted someone - a teenager her age, no less - try to jump to their death. She wouldn’t want to hear thanks after catching that person, either.

-

Nino did not take the news well.

Mme. Cesaire had called him and told him Alya was hospitalized. The next morning, at school, he was in a right state, frantic that his girlfriend’s mom sounded so upset and so cagey on the phone and no one was telling him anything.

Marinette bore the burden of sitting him down and explaining. It was a tough choice: she wanted to respect Alya’s privacy, but Alya keeping to herself got them there in the first place. He was her friend, too. She couldn’t leave him in the dark and let not knowing drive him mad.

Maybe not knowing would have been better.

Nino buried his face in his hands. “I should’ve known, I should’ve known, I should’ve known…”

Marinette and Adrien patted his back. “None of us saw it coming, bud. She hid it really well.”

“That’s just it though! I knew something was wrong. And you know what I did? Nothing. Jack lotta good I’ve done as her boyfriend.”

“Nino, please don’t blame yourself,” Marinette pleaded.

“Marinette, she’s been, like, pulling away from me. I thought she was getting ready to dump me, but I got too scared and selfish to see she needed - ”

Marinette grabbed his cheeks and forced him to look at her. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault.”

Nino shook her off and walked away. “I need some air.”

Marinette looked at Adrien desperately. “He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“Honestly, some space might help.” Adrien leaned forward on the bench, elbows on his knees and fingers knitted together. “It’ll give him time to process things.”

“No, Adrien, Nino is a prime akuma target right now. That is the last thing he needs today.”

“Oh. Oh shit. Yeah, I’ll go keep an eye on him.”

-

After school, once he’d made sure Nino wouldn’t blow his lid if he left him alone, Adrien went with Marinette to the hospital. The front desk accepted that they were family without pause; it made Marinette antsy about the security around here.

She turned to Adrien. “Why isn’t Nino coming too?”

“He’s still really upset,” Adrien said. His eyes were sad and kind of hard. “He needs to process and get his head on straight before he tries to talk to her.”

She didn’t reply, just kept walking.

Nora stood outside Alya’s hospital room like a bouncer. “Nope.”

“If she’s awake, it might help her to see a friend.”

“Alya’s extremely sick right now, pigtails. She’s probably asleep anyways.”

Marinette stood her ground. “I know why she’s here, Anansi.”

Nora snorted. “In a hospital? Gee, I wonder.”

“No. I know what happened. I know what she tried to do.”

Nora’s eyes narrowed in obvious fury. She looked between Adrien and Marinette. “Who told you? Did that mangy Mr. Whiskers go blabbing about my little sister?”

“No! No, Chat Noir isn’t like that. I’m the only one he told - last night when he landed on my terrace. Plus, this is the psych ward. What did you think I was going to think?”

Adrien backed her up. “No one should be isolated when they’re feeling like this.”

“Be honest, you two. Did you have any, even a minuscule suspicion that Alya was depressed?”

Shame-faced, they both shook their heads no. Molten coal burned in Marinette’s stomach and her face.

“Then what do you possibly think you could do to help? Please, just leave.”

“But Marinette is - ”

“Adrien, let’s just go.” Marinette gently tugged him away and down the hall. She whipped out her phone and sent him a text.

Marinette: Could you cause a distraction so I can get inside?

Their eyes met. He nodded slightly. He went back while Marinette kept going and turned a corner.

She didn’t know what he did, exactly, or at all. Marinette heard a squeak, some yelling, the pounding of running footsteps, then more people running. Nora appeared, being dragged by two security guards toward the exit. Her face was maroon with fury.

Marinette jogged back to the hospital room door. “What did you do?”

“She was already on edge. It didn’t take much to get her to make a racket.” He shrugged. “I’m not proud of it.”

Marinette reached for the handle. She didn’t turn it. Her fingers hardened into marble around the metal.

A warm hand covered hers (completely covered - his hands were so big!) and Adrien helped her turn the handle and push open the door. She looked at him to find their faces inches apart.

“Good luck,” he breathed. Marinette’s heart ached. She tore her eyes away from his and went inside.

-

Alya looked like hell. She was buried under a pile of white blankets, lying in a white bed, wearing a white hospital gown. The only color was the red in her hair. Her glasses were gone.

“What are you doing here, Marinette?”

Marinette paused. “I’m not sure. I want to help?” Alya snorted. The sound was sharp, derisive, mean, alien coming from her throat. “I know I can’t. So I guess I want to ask why. Why did you do it? How long - ”

“I didn’t plan it, not really! It’s not like I got up and decided ‘Today is the day I’m going to off myself.’ Something about last night - I ran out of options, I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Marinette had no idea what to say. She felt so out of her depth. Alya was experiencing something she couldn’t ever imagine, and that was the understatement of the century.

Alya decided to keep talking, her voice a little quieter now. “I couldn’t sleep so I went out for a walk. I’ve wanted to die so many times, I can’t even count. Usually,” Alya took a shuddering breath, “usually I just ride it out and the wanting kind of passes and I can tolerate it all again. But for some reason I followed through this time.

“I’ve felt like I’m going crazy, Marinette. I can’t make sense of it.”

Marinette peppered Alya’s forehead with kisses. “Of course it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t have to make sense. I love you.”

Alya scooted to her right and patted the bed. Marinette climbed in next to her. Alya took a deep breath then started talking.

“It’s like I’m empty. I feel like everything’s been drained out of me and there’s nothing but a vacuum left inside. And it hurts. Did you know feeling nothing hurts? Everything’s numb but it’s horrible pain like getting slowly crushed under a giant rock.

“In a way I already feel dead. Like I’m a body pretending to be the person I was, just going through the motions. I need it to end, Marinette. I’m so sick of just feeling nothing. The worst part is after finally talking about all of this, I don’t feel any better.”

Marinette held Alya close. “We’ll get you help. This feeling can’t last forever, and we can get you help. Just please, please be patient. And for now I’m just...I’m here. I hear you.”

She’d planned to stay as Alya fell asleep, but Marinette ended up drifting off. When she stirred, her best friend was still breathing.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

HGPC 17 - 21 | Koi to Producer 2 - 6 | Appare 5 - 8 | Fugou Keiji 4 - 6

...only just realised I was missing some tags. They should be there now or soon.

HGPC 17

Why do I get the feeling the Sawaizumi family will be held hostage one day…? (Maybe I’m just being negative?)

The episode title mentions Chiyu by name, so I wonder why the translation didn’t…

Customer service! You can’t get away from it, even in COVID times…! (Impressive!)

Hmm…you can actually read part of the booking for the Smiths in the book if you know the kanji.

I thought the Smiths would speak in English, but they actually speak in fluent Japanese if the word “susume” was any indication.

Ah, Sukoyaka sweet buns! (from the other episode about the festival)

HGPC 18

Don’t burn down your house with scented candles, kids!

Also remember to use your knees when lifting heavy boxes! (<- says a charity store volunteer, who does this stuff on the regular)

These days the mascots usually have a human form. I wonder if this is implying that particular direction…? (I woke up today and was craving a certain oneshot I’d read during my scanlation days…if it is, it would fill that niche nicely.)

I wonder if the kids will recognise this Ashita no Joe parody…?

HGPC 19

“…since you were young?”

Oh! Element of Wind again!

Koi to Producer 2

This almost feels like Victor is assigning a school project to Protag-chan…it’s a bit sad, really.

It’s nice they let Protag-chan have a personality.

It’s fine if you can’t read the katakana, but Gavin’s name is Haku in Japanese, so it throws out the immersion somewhat…also, I know I shouldn’t be complaining – I’m the target audience here – but do these guys look kinda similar or what…? (partially kidding)

High school sweethearts, huh? “Childhood friends” is my favourite angle of a romantic relationship, but it gets so overused by harems it comes around to being boring…!

I-Is this Stand My Heroes…?! (LOL…?)

Can we not with 1st person cam…?

As cute and dorky as this stuff gets…how does Gavin never get found?! Does nobody ever look up in this city?!? (I thought Evolvers were meant to be a secret…?)

GPS tracker? That’s no better than large corporations using your location data…Isn’t that creepy…?

Hold on, when did she get his phone number? You would assume it was before this entire chase after the boy happened, but still…?

LOL, the English on the board.

This anime is gonna cause me some frustration, but it gives the good stuff in roughly equal measure. It seems to omit the fact you interact via phone with your bois for intimacy (in the game).

Koi to Producer 3

LOL, that’s so clearly Gavin…

By googling, you find out Uptown and Queens are in New York.

Ohmygosh! Did the creators know I love the trope where only people with superpowers can move in certain circumstances?!

Uh…his name is Kira in Japanese? Did someone read the katakana wrong?

Pictured: Depressed bishonen eating bad pudding. (…That joke sounds better in my head. I forgot what meme I was meant to be parodying there, but I had a meme in mind.)

Lemme guess…this man (I dunno if it’s one of the previous bishies with an identical face or a new one) is looking for MC-chan. *sigh* Update: Yep, just Victor again. To be honest, I don’t like anyone who calls harsh words “their sign of love” – love should be honest and upfront. That’s how it becomes heartmelting.

Koi to Producer 4

Okay, in order, it seems to be hexadecimals, Javascript (you can tell from the “const”), some kind of profiles which are apparently for human lab rats (which seem to have some kind of nonsense filler text), a DNA model and DNA bases (ACGT).

The text on the screen says something along the lines of this being an official broadcast of this man’s arrest and this man was a genetic researcher. Obviously, if I wanted to put more attention into what it meant, I would, but I won’t sweat the details this time (because it doesn’t seem to impact the plot).

The guy’s name is Minor because minor key (geddit?)…that’s my guess.

I started playing the game due to this anime, if you didn’t know, and I unlocked an expert in ch. 2. I thought he was Minor, but turns out his name is Spine (an older man).

The diary, true to form, contains details about either one case or several cases, two involving children. The bottom of the 1st page says “if it’s fake, I’ll laugh”.

Hey, I once told Crunchyroll I wanted an anime about hacking (so is this a dream come true? I reveal all in the next sentence!). Hackers don’t congregate like this…they’d be too conspicuous, even with the secret hideout!

The code in the top left appears to be…C? I think? (Note they declare “unsigned int”.)

Kiro sometimes reminds me of Masayoshi (SamFlam)…it puts a derpy smile on my face.

*blah blah blah I’m Key* - Wuh…? F*** you, Kiro!!! (There is such a thing as piling too much cool stuff on to a character, y’know – I’m guilty of it in my own writing.)

3684 isn’t a very safe password (says someone who once aspired to be in cybersecurity).

What bugs me is that Simon is a perfectly fine name…it’s just a bit boring. Kiro/Kira I get (a bit), but Lucien/Simon…? *shrugs*

Ohh! Based MAPPA! Thank you for making this adaption look great!

Koi to Producer 5

Oh, I got an SR in the game recently and it has a line like, “Only a fool stays up all night to do others’ work. Victor talks like that a lot…

The sign so obviously says “Renka”, meaning “love flower”. “Loveland” really is a step down from that…

Where’s Gavin’s guest badge…?

“Happiness Noodle Store”…?

“…the end of our first year…”

If this weren’t a Chinese work by origin (or Japanese work by translation), I’m sure Protag-chan would have gone after Gavin, despite being told the contrary.

Kanya = Minor. I’ll take a note of that.

One of the books behind Minor says “Gale Start”…hmm…

That GPS tracker is still unintentionally creepy, IMHO.

Koi to Producer 6

…oh. (dejected) Probably a beach episode or something.

What the actual heck was going on with Lucien…? It’s like he was having a tiny stroke there…

Lucien’s power is listed as “???” in the game. I thought he was an aura-reader when he said “show me your colour”, but that shield thing he did means he might just have various psychic powers…? *shrugs* We’ll find out eventually.

Running in heels is hard…

LOL, that’s so clearly recreating a CG from one of the cards.

This is the 2nd time this has gone pseudo-isekai. As much as I like to joke about it…I fully expect someone to be sent to another world at this point.

I couldn’t possibly see Victor on any kind of game show, come to think of it.

Appare 5

This guy’s middle name is “Rich”! That’s silly!

A boombox from the 19th century…makes sense, somehow.

I only just (?) realised Al has a tiny tie on his usual outfit.

Back to the beginning already…just start!

Appare 6

…I just realised Appare mouths “I got it!” in the OP.

Al Lion (sic…?)

Isn’t Sofia in that train…? Update: She might have been, she might not. Hard to tell when they don’t confirm.

This series seriously could’ve done with a dub…Even with weird hokey Hetalia accents, it would be good stuff.

These bunches of people at designated points…reminds me of the book I was reading while in Japan. The Long Walk by Stephen King (part of a compilation). It still gives me shivers down my spine when I remember it.

This “leave in the middle of the night” thing reminds me of the Amazing Race.

“Valley of Despair” is made-up, but Death Valley exists. It’s one of the hottest places on earth, hence the name.

LOL, Kosame scores himself one (1) prarie dog and two (2) Hototos.

I thought Appare was being inconsiderate at first…but he’s being considerate, in his own way.

Oh! I didn’t realise, but Saito Soma is Al.

Appare 7

“It’s not one plus one, but one times one!” – LOL.

Hybrid engine? In the 1900s? Hmm…

LOL, I think Al just did a hadouken.

This stuff’s like an animated Galaxy Brain meme! It’s amazing!

I managed to successfully predict – without watching ahead – Appare would catch himself with his traps.

Kosame with his hair down…is rare. Not exactly attractive because we have to care about the racers rather than lust after them (and the artstyle actually prevents me from doing so, because it’s deliberately quite cartoony), but it’s rare.

Appare is surprisingly childish…that’s what makes him more than a Sheldon Cooper, I think.

The spelling of the place is actually “Ely”, if Google-sensei is any indication. C’mon, subbers! You’re American (most likely)! Can’t you put in the legwork (or the Google-fu) to discover what place in Nevada this is?!

Subbers make characters say “shit” a lot in this show, hmm? (contemplative)

Now this evil guy here *points to screen*…that’s hair I like.

Appare 8

I just love this OP…don’t you?

I like how the steam/gas boat/car has Chinese numerals on its dial.

Kosame means “small rain”, so “heavy rain” is obviously to contrast that.

The Hototo joke never gets old.

I thought I just saw someone leave the saloon…

Nice hair + terrible face = bad equation.

I can almost imagine the wee-oo-wee-oo-ooooooo…wah-wah-wahhh…(You know the one sound snippet, right? The one theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - or whatever movie it is – that maybe involves a tumbleweed rolling across the screen, and then a huge shootout? If you don’t know it, play a sample on this Wikipedia page!) playing in the background.

It’s convenient the prarie dog didn’t appear when Hototo (old) had his revenge spree.

I noticed there’s a bit of a mark under Kosame’s left eye…it suggests that he’s been crying (or maybe it shows tiredness from the race…?), but it’s not that noticeable.

So that’s the real Gil…and tose were his henchmen that threatened to hang everyone bar Kosame. Got it.

(notes to self) So, for charting a course with Appare Ranman!, it’s Los Angeles -> Death Valley -> Ely -> Denver -> ??? -> New York. Got it.

Fugou Keiji 4

“Daisuke-sama” isn’t “Lord Daisuke”, it would be “Sir Daisuke”, I think…but “lord” has a proper translation in Japanese.

The truck has a Shinagawa licence plate. Anime really does like Shinagawa, huh? (Based on ID: INVADED and this.)

I think it’ll be interesting to see Kambe handle this without HEUSC.

The board for Sanchome (which is equivalent to a suburb…or a county, I guess?) has posters saying stuff like “take your dog poop home” and “let’s protect the environment!” (technically, it says “let’s protect the region/area!”, but that doesn’t translate right. There’s even a flea market. Still, those posters don’t have any big hints…not that I know of so far.

I kind of forgot that dude was the gardener for Kambe’s house…er, mansion.

I noticed a poster in the kouban says haru (spring) on it. That’s probably the same one that Haru’s name is signified by, assuming that’s not in combo with another character or few.

Oh great…the sister is an overbearing one.

Ahh…he doesn’t like natto. So that’s the problem. Daisuke is childish (like Appare)…Note I don’t like natto either, but I wouldn’t run away from home (or similar) because I was fed natto.

I noticed Kambe uses shinseki (which doesn’t refer to close family). “Relative” is a correct translation of that word, I just wanted to check that word was the right one for the context.

There’s a green tea bottle by the sink…I don’t think I’d mistake that shade of green for anything else.

LOL, I didn’t think we’d actually get to see Kambe with his hair “down”, so to speak. It’s…an interesting look, for sure.

Oh my gosh! It cost him (Haru) $15!!! (LOL, cheapskate…says the cheapskate…*suddenly droops and stops laughing*) Update: Sorry about the sudden downer there. I was having what the kids these days call a “woke moment”…at least, I think that’s how they use that term.

…I’d watch that crime drama. It’s funny.

Just realised Kato has an older model of phone than Kambe does.

This episode was kinda like a Tokyo Sonata kind of thing, huh? The sensational in the middle of the not-so-sensational…”sensational” for this show, anyway.

Those kids look like the ones from Erased.

*lightbulb goes off in brain* What if the dog went to Kambe’s…?

Can Suzue actually hear HEUSC while Kambe is using it…? $2.46 though…that is cheap, in comparison to the ham.

This was the cheapest episode so far (about $550)…probably because it was an insight into Kato’s life, more than Kambe’s.

Fugou Keiji 5

The flag seems to be based on Cameroon’s (which is in Africa, not America) and the “Arita Kinen” seems to refer to Arima Kinen, meaning this episode is set around Christmas-ish. Credit goes to Kambe Zaibatsu on this show.

I-It’s a Humvee!

Polyadoll (sic)…?

The Poliador guy speaks perfect Japanese…(?)

The star! It’s a key thingy!

I thought Kamei was the 1st Division dude with the reddish hair. Turns out it was the blonde…? Update: Redhead is Hoshino.

Ummmmmm…he was reading porn…? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…okayyyyyyyyyyyyy…

…oh, the costs for Kambe’s tuxedo are on there. So’s the cost for repairing the bike Suzue rode.

Fugou Keiji 6

I never knew there were so many money proverbs to be used as episode titles…

What is Kambe doing with his hands…? He’s not even using the computer.

Imura seems to use a Windows 10 with Cortana on the taskbar.

HGPC 20

What’s with all the Naruto running this episode…?

HGPC 21

(no notes, sorry!)

[rosaguard]

summer waxes poetically about her favorite aeris gainsborough ships:

i never reblogged that five ships meme because...well i don’t have five aeris ships i care about lol. however, i was challenged(tm) so here is something close to it. i do feel like it is fitting to make this post on here since aeris was actually the first muse i truly started writing a ship on after asking someone first ( and i had been writing on tumblr for like...5 years on and off before that for context. anything before that was just..maybe flirting - nothing i felt invested in ).

aeris & happiness.

   the most important ship. the OTP. no other can compare. i think the biggest tragedy of aeris’ death is that so much was taken from her. she had so much to live for, so much to do, and her life was brutally and suddenly ripped away when she was finally getting the chance to figure herself out and rise to her full potential. i don’t want to aeris to die in the remake ( especially because everything about the whispers would’ve felt like a waste of time if nothing significant changes and aeris living is probably as significant as you can get ) but if it happens, it happens - i’ll just be really sad and disappointed by it lol. i’ve always been very clear that aeris’ death is not a bad one despite my blog canon essentially retconning it. there’s a reason she dies and it’s not to further cloud’s man pain ( he had enough of his own trauma already ); she dies because she’s a legitimate threat to sephiroth’s plans. she’s actually an example of a character death, especially a female one, done incredibly well, especially compared to SE’s recent output ( serah, luna, etc. ). also anyone who says she was created just to die is also wrong. barret was originally written to die first and they decided to change it.

    anyway, the point of me bringing all of this up is that i didn’t decide to do away with her death because i think SE sucks and they hate women. i did away with it because a lot of aeris’ character development ( her learning about the cetra at cosmo canyon, figuring out what the white materia does, etc ) is implied / off-screen since we never know her point of view and then well...she dies. i wanted to explore what her feelings would be if she woke up alive after being attacked while meteor is slowly drawing closer to the planet. how would she handle that? how would she feel? would she feel like a failure? would she be angry? what would she do after meteor is destroyed? would she travel the world? join the w.r.o? tell everyone to fuck off and then move to a cottage in the middle of nowhere and live the rest of her life in peace? these are the questions i wanted answered when i thought about aeris living. i don’t care if she ends up with cloud, or zack, or whoever because they don’t matter: aeris matters. she’s her own person with goals, desires, wishes, and more. no one talks about what she would want and do if she had lived. all people care about is what ‘man’ she belongs to as if she’s a prize to be exchanged between them.

   the second reason is simple that she fucking deserves it. she deserves it after living in a lab for 7 years and watching her mother die just trying to get her out. she deserves after having to deal with being stalked by the same company responsible for a lot of her suffering. she deserves to finally be around friends that make her feel loved, accepted, and cared for. she deserves to not feel alone, or like an outcast, or a freak because of her powers. she deserves to be able to go to icicle inn too and see footage of her father for the first time. she deserves to be able to go back to kalm and see her mom again. she deserves to live happily just like everyone else gets to do. her life has been filled with so much tragedy and pain yet she never lets it define her. she blooms in the face of adversity. she keeps smiling even up until the end of her life. she deserves happiness as her end-game and if i don’t get it in canon, i’m going to create it here myself.

aeris & cloud.

    i disliked this ship for a long time. it actually wasn’t because of the ship itself but due to some of my experiences with the shippers. i won’t go into my fandom experiences but i ran an account dedicated to ti.fa for almost six years so i’ve seen how...unpretty both sides of the 'ship war’ can get and it turned me off. a lot. when i decided to write aeris, i immediately started a replay of the the original game with an ‘aeris-lens’ ( analyzing her character, her relationships, making sure i got her date, etc. ). it made me look at her relationship with cloud in a different light since i had never really paid attention to it as heavily before since i avoided the ship tbh. i ended up enjoying their dynamic a lot. they have a natural chemistry with each other but there’s also this unspoken distance between them which is fully intentional - she has her own walls up and he has his. 

    they have a very ‘tragic love’ since well...she dies before anything can fully go to the next level. their relationship in canon is a very ‘what if’ and as a result, i often see people who don’t like the ship claim that they wouldn’t work because aeris wouldn’t be able to ‘deal’ with cloud and would’ve left. to be blunt, this a bad take considering supporting one another is prevalent throughout their relationship: 

aeris: i learned a lot. the elders taught me many things. about the cetra... and the promised land... i'm...... alone... i'm all alone now... cloud: but i'm...... we're here for you, right? aeris: i know. i know, but... i am the only...... cetra. cloud: does that mean we can't help?

cloud: ...i gave the black materia to sephiroth...? wha... what did I do... tell me, aeris. aeris: cloud... be strong, ok? He writhes and clutches his head. cloud urrrrrrgh... what have I done!? aeris: cloud... you haven't done anything. it's not your fault.

cloud: yeah, I hear you. sorry for what happened. aeris: don't worry about it. cloud: ...i can't help it... aeris: oh... then, why don't you REALLY worry about it? and let me handle sephiroth. and cloud, you take care of yourself. so you don't have a breakdown, okay?

    the remake only reinforces everything i like about their relationship: their banter is great, aeris gently takes his hand during one of his ‘moments’ and supports him, she confides in him about talking to her flowers, and he never treats her differently ( which is a big deal when just two nights before, he told someone to ‘get help’ when they claimed they could hear the planet lol ). they have so much in common as well: they both have struggled with loneliness, being an outcast, and not having a lot of friends. i’ll always find it incredibly interesting how cloud is repeatedly not invited to be apart of group functions in the remake ( he wasn’t allowed to celebrate with avalanche and had to sit outside jessie’s house as the others ate pizza ) until he met aeris and she invited him to have dinner with her and her mom. despite the ‘bodyguard’ dynamic to their relationship, they always feel like equals to me.

aeris: today’s special!!! cloud: why? aeris: because i met you, you dumb binch!!!

aeris: *says cryptic stuff and tells him that they can’t fall in love* ( i’m saying they because apparently in japanese / other languages she says ‘we can’t fall in love’, not just ‘you can’t fall in love with me’. ) cloud: uh....how about i do anyway??? also i’m saving you so...see you tomorrow at 11. bye.

me: their relationship never gets to a serious level because the opportunity was taken away from them de to unfortunate circumstances. 

also me: they’re just just...dumb and in love!!!! i’m sorry, that’s just the way it is!!!! she literally tells him that meeting him again was special to her and the silly boi doesn’t get it!!!! one of the composers of the game even said a tracks that plays with them is meant to have a romantic vibe!! when she pulls away from him, he reaches out for her because he doesn’t want her to let go!! the lyrics of hollow is literally ‘this time i’ll never LET YOU GO’ AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

    anyway, i’ve also noticed this weird trend in the fandom where it feels like cloud is never allowed to just has his own dedicated feelings about aeris - and i’m not even talking about romantic feelings. i feel like whenever there is talk about cloud’s relationship with za.ck or ti.fa, no one inserts aeris into it. they’re allowed to have their individual relationships with him yet with aeris it feels like you cannot talk about how much she meant to him and vice versa without other characters being thrown in. i don’t know if it’s because of shipping and people don’t want to acknowledge that like...characters can have feelings for multiple people or what but the reality is that cloud did feel something for her. she did mean a lot to him; so much so that he slept in her church two years after she was dead and went to her burial place alone. he missed her.  maybe it was just as a friend, maybe it was because of something more but i really dislike how their relationship and importance to each other, regardless of whether it’s platonic or romantic, is constantly invalidated.

aeris & gene.

     when kas / @castershot first created channels for gene and aeris in our rp server last year, i honestly did not think these two would have a serious relationship at all. i figured maybe they would have a fling or something at best / aeris would be the equivalent of a filler character in a few episodes of the show and then they would go their separate ways. ...that didn’t happen but i’m glad it didn’t! i didn’t know a gosh diddly darn thing about outlaw star but i’m very good at researching and aggressively reading wikis so i was able to whip up a verse ( and someone who watched the show thought i had actually watched it after reading my verse so i guess i did a darn good job! ). anyway, i feel like when writing aeris it’s very easy to...hmm...fall into very certain dynamics and considering gene’s line of work ( doing odd jobs, being a bodyguard for hire, a general jack of all trades ), i didn’t want it to be the ‘he’s a bodyguard, she gets protected, blah blah blah’ dynamic but in space. so their relationship ( at least in my head - there’s a lot going on in there tbh!!! ) basically became somewhat of a deconstruction of cl.erith + ( bad ) stereotypes about aeris in general:

      what if the helpless flower girl that needs saving from the big bad corporation is actually a liar who works for said corporation and was sent by them to retrieve something important(tm) and eliminate anyone that gets in her way? what if aeris, a secret member of the turks, has become so desensitized when interacting with other people since she is constantly wearing a mask and she can’t tell if she’s genuinely falling for someone or if her acting is just so good that even she can’t tell what’s real or fake anymore? what if i took all those bad takes about aeris knowing she would die, flip it, and actually make it so that she does know and still goes alone anyway because she wants to save lives for once instead of being the person who takes them away!!

me: imagine the drama!!! the angst!!! kas, casually: [redacted name b/c of spoilers] would just bring her back to life. me: WHAT?! >:(

apparently one character in the show is casually just GOD and can revive people so they can come back like:

    my bubble was BURST. dreams DASHED. plans CRUSHED. dramatics aside, i still kept the idea of her dying because i do like the take of a more secretly jaded / not as ‘pure’ aeris that works for shinra and has to basically relearn how to trust / care about others again + i live to attack kas and all of her muses. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  anyway, the point is that i love them and they’re a dynamic i’m very invested in the more times passes. they’re both so stupid and passionate and loud ( the first in character thing i wrote when i remade this blog was them screaming at each other in an argument ) but they’re also sensitive, don’t open up to others easily, and have trauma!! oof x 100.

me: this ship won’t be serious lol the ship, months later: may or may not have a thread with them going on a date. may or may not have gone to ti.fa and cloud’s wedding together ( where kissafist’s tif.a may or may not threaten to smash his balls in if he doesn’t treat aeris right. *smash em, rip em plays in the distance as aeris aggressively laughs nervously* ), they may or may not get married and have twins that may or may not be named ren and rose. me: clown putting on make up.png

so yea, they’ve come a long way(tm).

the end.

[huds-hub]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Stolen from @mrfunnybone. Since this meme has a bias for canon muses, I’m tagging two of my favorite canon writers that I know didn’t fill this out yet: @soulcoerced and @spearslinger (I wonder if a fellow Undyne RPer has a different take on some of these questions? ^^;;). For everyone else, feel free to steal it and tag me if you do! I’m curious to see how OC muns answer some of these questions...

MY MUSE IS:   CANON / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [[ The adult version of my muse is canon, but her teenage equivalent is not present anywhere in Undertale / Deltarune. So, uh… canon but kind of complicated I guess??? I like describing my muse as canon-wise. My Deltarune fishies are undoubtedly AUs at most, canon-divergent at least. ]]

[[ Mun’s note: I’m going to cheat on this. For the next 8 questions, I’ll answer for both Undyne as my teen muse AND regular adult canon Undertale Undyne. My thoughts on her counts as something, right? My muse is based on canon! ]]

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ Undyne’s character to the rest of the fandom is unpopular (compared to Sans, Chara, Gaster, etc…). It’s a shame, because her dialogue portraits alone would make great meme fodder. HOWEVER, among Undyne fans, I notice there’s an interest in depicting her early years because she’s one of the few cast members who’s had their childhood explicitly mentioned. ]]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK [[ She’d better not be, because my muse is a  C H I L D. As far as I’ve seen, canon adult Undyne is depicted more often as a ‘badass’ than a ‘sexy fish.’ ]]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK [[ Younger Undyne is definitely interpreted to be a determined, tough kid. Of course it’s the same for adult canon Undyne. It’s basically her most distinct character trait. ]]

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK [[ Lordy, Undyne as a whole is entirely underrated by the fandom... ]]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO [[ OMG... you’re gonna get me started. I’m marking ‘no’ on this question because this is supposed to be about my aged-down muse. But Undyne... sweet violent Undyne’s very important to Undertale’s story! *fangirling START* Besides being the mid-point antagonist in the game, Undyne adds a layer of the theme of DETERMINATION to the game and how it can manifest in monsters if their bodies are strong enough to handle it. In an allegorical sense, she represents extremism in reaction to oppression and how that passion can take on the form of extreme love or extreme hatred depending on circumstance. So HELL YEAH she’s important to the main story of the game! AAAHILoveThisFish!! *fangirling END* ]]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [[ Same as the previous answer for my teen Undyne: begrudgingly marking this with a ‘no’... It’s a YES for canon Undyne. In all routes, original game’s Undyne is the first character who is purposefully trying to kill the Player. Players can’t get the best ending without helping her hook up with Alphys and not incurring her wrath by killing any monster. In the worst ending, she’s one of the two antagonists that put up enough of a fight to make any player abort the Genocide Route. ]]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO [[ My muse WANTS to be significant to her world. In the original game, Undyne’s only mentioned by others in Snowdin and Waterfall (not counting Alphys in Hotland). She’s described as a “local hero” by Gerson. I get a sense she’s not exactly famous to the people in the entire Underground compared to, say, Mettaton. ]]

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL [[ Oof. Pretty sure my teen fish annoys the residence of Waterfall for being a loud-mouthed little scamp. The only reason she’s not considered ‘bad’ is because it’s pent-up energy and misguidedness, not flat-out cruelty. In canon, it seems like the people who talk about Undyne do it in either a positive or neutral light. You have Monster Kid, Papyrus, and Onionsan singing her praises. The Royal Guard members respect her. Asgore thought of her well enough to have her lead his military. Uhh, for a neutral instance, I remember an NPC in Snowdin saying she’s “loud, rude, and beats up anybody who gets in her way” (I don’t remember the exact quote). To weigh this more on the side of my muse, I’ll mark this answer as ‘neutral.’ ]]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?  [[ Since I have an aged-down character, canon is literally my END GOAL! I gave her a “starting point” on her journey to the determined, dedicated, and excitable warrior fish we all know and love from the game. I filled in the gaps from there, using parts of her past mentioned in the game to glue the headcanons together. Deciding what she was like when she was younger – What’s her family background? What aspects about her changed as she matures? What internal and external conflicts would she deal with as a teen? – THAT’S the non-canon part. My Deltarune AUs are… different. Canon is my end goal too, but the timelines are all wonky to fit the needs of wanting to interact with the Fun Gang. LOL ]]

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS.   [[ This kid is spunky, loyal, compassionate of the plight of her people, and will see through anything she sets her mind to, despite life’s barriers. She’s got a lot of pent-up energy and is searching for what she can do with it to help her achieve her goal of setting Monsterkind free! ]]

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).  [[ The teen fishy has a streak of selfishness and short-sightedness. Being honest, Undyne would be a racial supremacist if she existed in real life. Big yikes. Also, she’s willingly being trained as a child soldier. Another big yikes right there. ]]

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   [[ Ages ago, I RPed the adult version of Undyne, which resulted in a bunch of headcanons for her past. I had no desire to RP any of them after it ended. A year later, I commissioned an artist for a Gerson vs. teen Undyne piece. That single-handedly made me want to get back into RPing again. ]]

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?   [[ My fellow RPers wanting to interact with this silly fishy! When I first started, I expected my interest to peter out over the months. I didn’t expect many RPers wanting to interact with an aged-down character. But here I am, wanting to expand my headcanons further and making AUs so I’m not limited to canon. ^^ It’s all thanks to you guys!! ]]

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF?     [[ I should do it more often TBH. But I find showing them via story-telling more fulfilling than just explicitly explaining them in posts. Plus, it gives me more leeway if I’m still playing around with an idea. ;) ]]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO  [[ I’m not counting the three pending drabbles until I finish them. ^^;; ]]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [[ She finds a way to bother me! Usually in the form of sudden inspiration for how to respond to RPs. ]]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Sometimes I wonder if I forgot some aspect about Undyne that’s in canon, or unintentionally exaggerating other less-important aspects of her other characteristics… ]]

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Generally, yes. But I do have my days when I suffer from low self-confidence. ]]

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORT OF? [[ It depends on what’s meant by that. I’m sensitive to other people’s feelings, so I don’t intend to sound rude OOC, even if I’m expressing something negative about something I think the other did. If this is referring to being sensitive about events in RPs… my sensitivity is equivalent to that of being invested in any work of fiction. I know it’s not reality. I can pull away from the fictional world and it won’t bring down my real life. ]]

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   [[ If it’s given in good faith and is constructive, sure. ]]

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   [[ Hell yeah, give them to me! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  [[ It depends if they want to tell me. I don’t mind either way. Personally, I like hearing other people’s interpretations! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?   [[ *shrug* It doesn’t matter as long as they don’t harass me. ]]

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?   [[ I’d just ignore it. They don’t need to interact or follow me. If my muse really is a bother to them, they can block my account. ]]

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   [[ I hope my grammar’s good enough, or else my English degree studies went to waste! But yeah, sure. Fun fact: explaining grammar rules so people can avoid major errors in the future is more helpful than nit-picking insignificant errors without explanations. ]]

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   [[ As long as fellow RPers aren’t being rude OOC, don’t break any serious rules, or do something that I mention are personal triggers to me, I am easy-going! RPing is fun and it should stay that way for everybody involved! ]]

[forehead-enthusiast]

A Buncha Tag Games (and yet not all of them)

tagged by: @eggyukhei mwah

tagging: this is a LOT of games so i’ll only tag @atinyphobe @nsheetee and @veonjun for the SECOND (2nd) game. if they or anybody wants to do any of the other games, absolutely go for it and say i tagged you <3 i’d love to see what you guys say!! (also, tk if you felt like you wanted to answer my questions from the second game i’d be interested to see!)

One:

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ok SO the song that probably got me into rv 100% (also yes ik this blog is 99% nct but rv is my forever fave no question) was probably ice cream cake!! i had been a casual listener of many groups up until that point and had never really stanned anyone, but icc was so infectious i found myself watching it over and over. i had heard happiness and be natural before but hadn’t really listened too closely, so icc was the song that captured me. after that, dumb dumb only cemented my love for them more, and the red is still one of my favorite kpop albums to date. rv attracted me primarily because of their incredible vocals and their versatility in genres and concepts. i still get so excited wondering what they’ll tackle next!! they’re just soooo unique and have one of, if not the best discographies of any group. i cannot stress enough, I. Love. RV!! also they’re funny and gay so. anyway stream monster once it drops uwu

Two:

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1. what is your favorite song that’s been released during quarantine? ooooo honestly??? probably something off of Sawayama. literally every song bangs so hard i highly recommend that album to anyone!! i can’t pick a favorite off it but who’s gonna save you now is awesome and xs is just,,, chef’s kiss

2. what is your greatest mishap when you tried cooking? (or something you’ve witnessed) one time, while making soup at my late grandmother’s house on her like gas stove, i put a lid on a pot and somehow that led the pot to be engulfed in flames. IN MY DEFENSE i was like 7, and i’m great at cooking/baking now

3. what’s your go-to outfit or article of clothing? oh i love a nice dress. they can be casual or formal, and you look like you put effort into your outfit except i didn’t because i didn’t have to match anything yo!!!! also shorts have trouble fitting me cause i’m a weird body type so dresses tend to be very comfy for me

4. what is your comfort food? am i allowed to say like all food??? eating in itself is comforting,,, that sounds depressing but also i just like eating yummy food. i guess i’d say like my dad’s fried rice?? its my fave and no one makes it like him soooo

5. what singular moment in your life would you like to relive? i couldn’t tell if this meant like, a good moment you want to re-experience or go back in time and redo a moment and fix it. it’s kind of a hard question so i might cop out and go with a bit of a silly answer: i want to relive the hi touch with astro...... i wanna look at rocky’s beautiful eyes and touch moonbin’s hand ok,,,,

6. what is your favorite line and/or character from a movie, show, or book? i got a bunch but a few off the top of my head are genie lo (the epic crush of genie lo), ty lee, suki (atla), klaus, and ben (umbrella academy) 

7. if you could only choose one ice cream flavor and pizza topping/style for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream flavor: this very specific one from a local store that is banana ice cream with strawberries and oreo mixed in. it is heaaaavenly. as for pizza topping, i love a breakfast type pizza with an egg on top and like sausage and stuff!!!

8. what is the worst injury you’ve ever had or witnessed? funny enough, i’ve actually gotten badly injured quite a few times, and always on the face!! god hates me. the worst was probably when i hit a metal bench with my face and it took a chunk out of my cheek. i still have the scar! as for “witnessed” i accidentally broke a grown man’s rib once as a child, so i guess that would count.

9. would you rather explore the unknown of space or the bottom of the ocean? oceaaaan!! i answered this in some other game, but i like how mysterious and yet close the ocean is. like proximity wise it’s so near, yet there’s an insane amount we know nothing about. that’s so frightening but so intriguing

10. if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? my first thought was literally “kirby. eat fast” GOD my followers are gonna think i’m just a glutton and they’re not even gonna be wrong im dying. but uhh idk mulan or smth?

my questions:

what is your go-to feel good movie?

are you the type of person who’s indecisive about buying, or the type to impulse buy once you see something you like?

do you prefer chocolate-y or fruity candy?

what idol do you think is most similar to you? (not your bias necessarily)

do you have any silly dealbreakers? if so, what are they?

what do you do to unwind?

what is a small thing you like to do for people you love? (be it sending memes, remembering their favorite shows, etc)

what’s/who’s your favorite myth/mythological being?

what is a non-typical pet you would want to have?

do you say pronounce data as day-ta or dah-ta?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people. 

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better! 

PERSONAL

name: sarah

nickname: bells

birthday: april 17th

zodiac: aries

nationality: chinese american

languages: english, some spanish, some korean

gender: female

sexuality: baby bi bi bi~

height: 5′10

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: i suppose nct since i write for them the most?? but i feel like sometimes i come up with the idea before i think of a member so sometimes the muse is just my own fantasies oops

meaning behind my url: i made it at a time where loads of idols were getting bangs and honestly i believe most of them look infinitely better without them, thus i was and still am enthusiastic about foreheads.

blog established: like winter of 2018...?? i think

followers: over 2.5k but most deactivated/left during my hiatus lol

FAVORITES

favourite animals: sharks, chickens, snakes, cats, penguins

favourite books: the epic crush of genie lo and then iron will of genie lo, PERIOD

favourite colour: pink and purple!!

favourite fictional characters: lol, again, genie lo, ty lee, suki, klaus, ben, and just a few more: richard and evelyn o’connell (the mummy), dave (dave), michael (the good place)

favourite flower: sunflower

favourite scent: baking chocolate, heating butter, blackberry, wisteria

favourite season: probably spring! i like warmth but not HEAT

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: ugh idek i sleep horribly

cats or dogs: both, but unfortunately i’ve never had either

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea but then hot chocolate

current time: 5:29pm

dream trip: go to paris and eat loads of pastries and enjoy the fashions and beauty of the city, and also learn to bake better maybe?

dream job: actress

hobbies: making jewelry, drawing, singing, reading comics

hogwarts house: according to the quizzes, all of them. people who have just met me think slytherin or gryffindor, people who i’m friends with think ravenclaw or hufflepuff, people who know me really well know you can’t box a person into oversimplified archetypes :’) in my assessment of myself, it varies by the day, but i think perhaps gryffindor today?

last movie watched: hot fuzz (a classic)

last song listened to: summer breeze by sf9

no. of blankets you sleep with: like 2

random fact(s): i won lego building competitions as a child, one of my dream roles is anastasia from the musical named after her, i played violin for a very short time, i bake the cakes for all my family and friends’ birthdays, i have strangely strong grip strength

SIX

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

love me 4 me- rina sawayama

cherry- rina sawayama

in & out- red velvet

crush culture- conan gray

manic- conan gray

the king- conan gray

summer- pentagon

told you now- jeremy jordan (originally sung by sam smith)

fuck this world (interlude)- rina sawayama

someone who loves me- sara bareilles

[cryathon]

debilated

lol long time no see 

sequel to The Girl Code // masterlist // part one

Word Count- 1.8k

warnings- idk abandonment???sudden hair cut

It was a month since that night in your room, a month since you started dating Peter. You sat, waiting for Peter inside the restaurant. It was the same one from your first date. You guys were supposed to meet at 7, but you got there 20 minutes early. You wanted to get the same booth and everything. It was just a month, but it’s one of your first relationships, of course, you wanted it to be special, even if it was some silly anniversary. Your mind wandered to your first date, it seemed like yesterday (among other cliches) 

Peter’s non-stop texting seemed it could never get old, but after 20 minutes of “what should I wear?”, it did. You eventually just sent something about a sweater and how you were planning on going to the pizza place down the block from your house. You went there a few other times beforehand, their margarita pizza was pretty good. 

You decided on some jeans and a mildly trendy top, and some branded shoes. Admittedly, it was pretty basic, but you weren’t necessarily creative enough to make an Instagram worthy outfit. You grabbed a random jacket from your desk chair. The both of you decided that you both would walk there together. 

The doorbell rang, you sprang up from your spot on the couch, saying a quick goodbye to your parents and ran to the door. You paused, just to make sure you didn’t look as excited as you were. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door. 

“Hey.” Peter greeted. Simple, yet effective, as your heart seemed to burst at his words. 

“Hey.” you smiled kindly at him. You stepped out of your doorway and took his hand. 

The walk to the pizza parlour was pretty short, the conversation was at a minimum, the tension was very large and in charge. Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. You stole some glances, studied his features any chance you got, looking away anytime you got caught. Of course, Peter laughed. 

“What?” You smiled. 

“Nothing, Nothing.” He smiled at the ground. 

Peter opened the door for you, something his aunt mostly likely told him to do. You smiled at Peter as he slid into the booth in front of you, he awkwardly returned the gesture. Nervousness settled in a pit in the bottom of your stomach. You awkwardly stared at Peter, who was looking at the menu. 

“So…” Peter started, “What kind of pizza is good here?” 

“The… um... I don’t really know” you grimaced, “Guess there’s a reason as to why I’m not a Chopped judge.” 

Peter laughed. Score, you thought to yourself. You continued to make some little jokes here and there, turning the awkwardness into playfulness, the date quickly turning into any other hang out between you two.

The waiter came and went, as did the drinks, and the pizza. It all disappearing as you and Peter conversed wildly about Star Wars, school and other ‘nerd’ things. The minutes seemed to fly by, everything fading away in your joy. You wanted it to last forever, however, the world needed to keep turned and suddenly, the restaurant was closing, which meant it was 10, which also meant you were past curfew.  

“Oh shit.” you sputtered, jumping out of your seat. You yanked out your wallet, pulling out a twenty. Peter stopped you, paying for everything, it might’ve cliche, but the action still made your heart melt. Of course, this didn’t help Peter’s concerned face. 

“I was...kinda supposed to be home now.” You rushed that last part, but Peter obviously caught it as he also jumped out of his seat (admittedly more graceful). His face showed more panic than yours, which didn’t really surprise you, you knew all the blame would be put on Peter. 

You sent a quick text to the group chat you have with your parents, saying that you would be late after losing track of time. They responded almost instantly, thank god. Hand and Hand, you two rushed out of the restaurant and down the sidewalk. 

You must’ve looked insane, daydreaming for the last half hour, mindlessly scrolling through your phone. You checked the time and texted Peter. 

‘Hey’ 

It was only ten minutes, no need to be overly clingy about it. 

‘Where are you?’ 

It was 30 minutes after you sent the first message, successfully putting you into panic mode.  You waited another half hour and three missed calls to text him again. 

‘Hey, I’m at the restaurant. Just call me ok?’ 

The tingling sensation in your hands and knuckles kept your hands shaking, keeping you on edge. You called again, and again, a total of 4 times in the next hour, add another 12 texts you were somewhere between anger and anxiety. 

Slowing, however, the anxiety melted away, replacing it was anger. A total aura of pissed off radiating off of you. You threw $15 dollars on the table, knowing you would just be paying for the drinks, but you didn’t really care. Holding your head up high, the tears of frustration welling in your eyes, you walked right out of the parlour and into the New York night. 

-

Peter crawled through his window around 9 pm, he was fighting practically nonstop since 1 that afternoon. Fatigue punching him in the gut, he barely got his suit off before he flopped on his bed. He thought back for a second, thinking that he forgot something, but he was too tired to care. Without another second passing by, he was passed out. 

The following morning, Peter woke up around 10, which was pretty late, but he was thankful that he actually could sleep in. The nagging feeling that he had forgotten something still picking at his brain. He looked at his phone, wanting to send the ‘traditional’ good morning text, but he was met with seemingly endless notifications. He cautiously opened his messaging app, opening to your contact. 

There were plenty of messages to go through, a lot of voicemails too. Peter’s face paled as he jumped out of bed throwing on a random shirt and joggers (that were mostly dirty, but y'know, teenagers.) He ran out of his room into the living room, where May stood, listening to music while drinking her coffee. She was already dressed for the day, Peter remembering something about grocery shopping.

“May, I need your help.” 

—-

May recommended some big romantic gesture, but Peter wasn’t sure how that was possible with 20 bucks and only half a tank of gas. Maybe some flowers? Chocolates? Those “how mad is she?” Instagram memes are all that seemed to pop into his head. And for a split second a thought sending some memes would help, maybe soften the blow, just a bit, but it would probably aggravate you more. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should tell you about his alter ego, you would surely understand then.

Well, it wasn’t really a romantic gesture, Peter kinda just showed up on your doorstep, not really having a plan in mind (he was supposed to think about that on the subway), he just hoped that at least you would answer the door. It was just a casual Saturday, around midday, just like a month prior. Under any other circumstances, Peter would laugh. If this were a book his English teacher would stop in the middle of class and point out the use of parallelism and make the class discuss about it. Hypothetically, Peter thought, since last time went so well, shouldn’t this time be the same? I mean the evidence is there. 

However, knowing that he could ruin this relationship with you just like his last one, really killed the mood. This is too meta, he thought. 

Slightly crumpled flowers held limply in his left hand, he knocked on your door, reliving the day a month and a day ago. 

The door creaked open, a tight-lipped smile covered his face, awkwardness settling in his stomach. Anxiety clenched at his heart as you appeared from behind the door. You stood pretty plainly, chewing on your lips slightly, your eyebrows raised, although your eyes were slightly red and puffy above your cheekbones. Your hand rested on the door knob, you hovered in the doorway, looking towards Peter. Hey,she cut her hair 

“Hey.” you stated, ending the silence. 

“Hi.” Peter sighed, handing you the flowers in his hand. You took them and walked down the hallway that lead to the kitchen, leaving the door open for Peter. You slowly filled a vase with water, sliding the flowers in, leaving the vase on the counter you turned to Peter. 

‘Thank you, for the flowers.” Peter nodded along, wondering how he would go into the whole ‘spiderman’ thing. 

“I like your hair.”Peter said, voice cracking ever so slightly. 

“Uh thanks.” She quipped, followed by a pregnant silence.

He furrowed his brows and shrugged, knowing that everyone in the world expected him to least apologize with the florals alongside him. Standing in the kitchen, Peter decided to just go for it. 

“I really just wanted to apologize for missing last night, I don’t really have a good excuse to be honest.” Why did he say that? Now she’ll think that he doesn’t care, which is really quite the opposite.

 “NOT that I don’t care or anything, I mean,I really care! Like a lot! And y’know the Stark Internship keeps me really busy and-” Before he could think of another lame excuse you cut him off. 

“Peter it’s fine, it really is. I’m not mad anymore.” You ran a hand through your newly cut strands, pulling it out of your eyes just  for it to adjust back in its original position. 

“You’re not?” Peter’s eyebrows furrowed, a frown completing his confused face. “Because I totally would be, I would be like mega pissed.” 

“No, no, I’m not.” You paused, “I had a lot to think about last night.” Peter saw tears start to swell in your eyes, his mind went into overdrive. He immediately stepped towards you, taking you in his arms. You quickly wrapped your arms around him as well. You definitely needed this hug too. 

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” He questioned, still standing in the embrace. You pulled out of the hug, the warmth now gone from his chest. You scratched at the side of your nose, and pulled one of your sweatshirt sleeves to wipe some stray tears away from your eyes.

“Tris found out. About us.” You disclosed. Peter’s eyes widen, immediately returning to the hug. 

tags// @stephie-senpai @sleepy-demon @avengersinfinitybeard@emmatrashforfandoms @hellomywonderfulwildflowers@falseosterhollandfantasies @arronity @flopobrien @stevieboyharrington@haha-barnes @tmrhollandkay @heartbreakerholland @yikesmcdonald  

Tom Holland/Peter Parker

@dorkyparkers

[ehc-on-ao3]

Cut content - 13:NSUA

Just for everyone’s viewing pleasure (or horror, whichever fits), here’s the initial idea I had for chapter one of 13: Not So Unlucky Anymore.

Victoria shook her head. "I really can't believe this shit," she said with a shake of her head. "It's like we're a fucking harem here. This is the entire girls' floor!"

"Except the transfer student."

Everyone stopped and turned to Kate, who had remained silent up until now. "What was that?" Rachel asked.

"Oh." Kate shifted, unused to being the center of attention. "Well, last night, sometime after dinner, I noticed a girl was apparently moving in. She had her arms pretty full so I gave her a hand getting all of her stuff upstairs. I pointed out it was an odd time to move in but she stated that she missed the first week due to a sudden illness in the family and couldn't make it down the previous weekend." Kate shrugged. "I only just now remembered. I guess everyone else was in their rooms and whatnot so I was the only person who saw her come in."

"Room 219?"

Kate turned to Steph and nodded. "That's right."

"I saw someone had drawn a picture on that room's slate when I walked passed. I only noticed because it had been blank before."

"What's her name?" Courtney asked.

Kate shook her head. "I asked last night but I forgot. Sorry."

"No worries," Rachel said, giving Kate's hand a soft pat. "But now we have a likely suspect: our newest resident. Her room is about in the middle of the floor, so we're all within close proximity to her. Her presence likely triggered our marks a few hours after she arrived."

"Then why isn't she here?" Juliet asked. "She must've saw the sign by now."

"Could be a late sleeper," was Dana's reply.

"Whatever," Victoria said, sliding her unlit cigarette back into its pack. "She's the last one left so I say let's go kick down her door and find out just what the hell is going on." And without waiting for confirmation from the others, she started out of the common room. "Seriously, who the hell needs 12 damn soulmates?"

"The Zodiac Killer?" Chloe supplied helpfully.

Victoria barked out a laugh despite herself, to the surprise of most everyone present. Juliet wondered if that meant the other thing she read about soulmates was actually true: that over time, difficulties that might normally arise from soulmates having wildly differing attitudes and character traits would simply smooth themselves out. She decided to keep that little tidbit to herself.

For now.

Everyone crowded around room 219's door, the slate on it now sporting a poker face meme along with the caption "I'm here. Yay." Victoria raised her hand to pound on the door before Rachel reached out and caught her wrist. "Hey, maybe we can let Kate knock?" she offered. "Since she's at least a familiar face."

Victoria gave Rachel a long look before nodding slightly and stepping aside. Rachel then motioned to Kate, who stepped up and knocked.

Everyone waited with bated breath as they heard a quiet voice call out, "Just a sec." There was some rustling, the sound of a bed creaking, then, a moment later, the door opened.

Whoever she was, she had apparently just woken up. Short brown hair sticking out every which way, blue eyes looking blearily at the crowd outside of her door. She was fully dressed but her clothes were completely wrinkled, like she had slept in them. She painted a very unimposing figure. "Kate? What's up?"

"Good morning," was Kate's reply, irritated with herself that she couldn't remember the girl's name. "We were just talking--"

"Max?"

Everyone, including Max, turned to Chloe, who was staring at Max like she had seen a ghost. "Holy shit. Max? Is that really you?" Chloe shook her head slowly, eyes still locked onto Max. "They told me you were dead!"

Originally, the soulmate idea was angsty. Have Max transfer in after the semester’s already started, then have the marks show up. This would make it so she wasn’t familiar with anyone, didn’t have any friends at Blackwell yet, and didn’t have a chance to reconcile with Chloe. This would lead to a ton of resentment that Max would have to resolve before reciprocating with anyone.

In addition, the idea I had was all the girls would work to keep the marks ultra-secret from anyone else because, in this initial setting, soulmates are common but there are actually laws that require soulmates to reciprocate as quickly as possible. “It’s for your own good” and all that. Chloe would use the guilt Max feels about abandoning her for five years to force her non-compliance with the laws, keeping everyone free from reciprocation. This would last until Max had earned everyone’s trust, or until they were found out.

That last line, “They told me you were dead,” was placed there to add a huge dose of mystery to the entire thing, too. However, it fell flat because I couldn’t come up with anything resembling an over-arcing plot that would incorporate such a mystery to begin with.

Ultimately, I dropped this idea completely for a few reasons: I didn’t have enough material in my head for a lengthy angst soulmate AU; I didn’t really want to write Max being public enemy #1 to everyone; and, this version wasn’t going to be fun to write at all. So, it got severely altered into its current form. This is also why chapter 2 has the line, “(No, wait. That's another version of this tale. We're keeping it silly here. So...).” It’s a callback to all the arguments and head-to-keyboard-smashing I had with myself when coming up with more ideas for this story.

[sapphiresea]

The Earp Expo Experience

Wow. The three E’s. This is why I’m never in charge of titling things.

This past weekend, I went to Earp Expo in New Orleans and a couple of people have expressed interest in reading about my experience. Since I’m currently in the middle of the post-con crash, I’m writing about it now to alleviate some of that with memories of how completely amazing it was. Because...it was. The cast, the volunteers, and all the other Earpers made it one of the most special weekends of my entire life.

My Expo began on Thursday, right from the start when I met a couple other Earpers on my flight from Calgary to New Orleans. We knew each other from previous events and the twitter world, but hadn’t actually planned to go in together until it happened. Let me tell you, flights are so much easier when you’ve got someone to share them with –– especially the stopovers! We even met a couple of UK Earpers in the airport in Atlanta who were really great to chat with.

Our evening was spent with a few other Earp friends watching the Raptors game in the hotel bar. Kat even walked by once on her way to another bar and asked how the game was going, and at the end of the night, her and Dom walked by us again on their way in and waved at us. Most of the time, we just spent chatting amongst ourselves, but as the game grew closer, we all started getting into it. Even our bartender started cheering for the Raptors with us, and I don’t think I’ve laughed or cheered so hard in a long time. I’m not usually a sports person, but I was so into it.

The real expo started the next day, though, with registration. I had to get up so early because I was curling my hair and dressing up as Waverly from the Big Gay Dinner episode. I looked cute, though, and I got to spend the time between registration and autographs sitting in a meeting room chatting with people from across the world! Not a bad way to start.

The first thing I did with the start of the programming was to head to the autograph room to see Kat. I had a Bernie tote that my friend Abbie had made holding things to give to people. The line was long, but even the longest lineups were pretty fun because you’re never just standing there in silence. You’re with each other.

I gave Kat a bag of Old Dutch ketchup chips and teased her that she was eating the wrong kind, so I was going to fix that. She admitted she had never tried Old Dutch and said she was so excited to dig into them and thanked me for bringing them all the way from Canada. I also gave her a copy of Portia de Rossi’s Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain because of our previous conversation, which she said she remembered, and said she couldn’t wait to start.

Friday and Saturday, I was asking cast members to sign my final honours thesis. I told them that I had a bit of a tough time getting through university for awhile because I had gotten very ill right in the middle of it, but that now I was going on to grad school. I said I wanted them to sign the thesis because Wynonna Earp had helped to keep me sane through all of it. Particularly to Dom and Kat, I said that meeting them at Emerald City Comic Con had really given me the inspiration I needed to get through to the end and that it had paid off because I had gotten top grades across the faculty and won a couple of awards for it. Their names were all in the acknowledgements as a result, as well as a thank you to the entire Earper family, and that’s where they all signed.

Kat, along with everyone else who signed it (Dom, Melanie, Emily, Dani, and Varun), said she was very proud of me and that I should be very proud of myself for it because it was amazing and congratulated me on all of it. Emily, who signed next, made such a big deal about it. She told me that I was breaking barriers for women in research and that I had an incredible story that she would love to read one day. Dom and Dani echoed Kat’s sentiments. Michael Eklund came over while Dani was signing the thesis, too, and she asked if he had signed it because she couldn’t believe she was signing someone’s thesis. At least I’m unique? And I’ll get to Varun’s response later, when I get to the part where we met, because his was probably the best.

Kat and I took three selfies (even though I’m only posting two here) before I left to see Emily. I also had a photo op from the Calgary Comic Expo for her to sign from last year’s convention. She’s making a pretty ridiculous face in it and when she saw it, she was like, “Oh my god! What am I doing!? I’m so sorry I ruined your photo!” I assured her that actually I just thought it was hilarious and that I love that picture. 

I told her that I was glad to get to meet her now because back then I was still so new to watching that I wasn’t really an Earper yet. I told her that my dad and I started watching because the show was filmed in Calgary and we were both Calgary natives, which really excited her. We talked about the city for a bit and she told me that part of why she had been so jazzed about developing Wynonna Earp was that she could imagine just from reading the comics the potential to film in Calgary. We talked about the city a bit and she later said that since my dad isn’t big on conventions, we should come to set once it starts filming again. I don’t know if she really meant it, but it was so sweet anyway!

I also mentioned with my thesis that I was doing the expo instead of graduation stuff and she congratulated me on graduating. “I feel like I should get you something!” she exclaimed, apologizing for not getting me anything. As if I needed it. Bridget pointed out that she had beads on her table so she picked up a purple string and said, “Oh yeah. I got these for you. I went to Tiffany’s and got these for you,” as she hung them around my neck. The only beads I bothered to bring home from New Orleans. After we took a selfie, she asked if she could hug me, and of course, I said ‘yes.’

Next, I saw Dom. Her table was being a lot more rushed due to long lines, but she was still so sweet and gracious. She said it was really nice to see me again. I gave her a handmade card with a quote on it and a bracelet I hoped she might like, which she thanked me for and said both were beautiful, especially the card. She also asked to see the tattoo I had gotten of her writing from ECCC and smiled at the result. I love this tattoo like a lot. When she got up to take selfies with me, she also gave me a really big hug without me even asking, which was super nice. Kat had done the same, which was also great because I hadn’t gotten the chance to give her a hug at ECCC.

I had a couple photo ops after with Dom, then Dani. Dom’s was pretty quick. I had forgotten props at home for it, so I gave her rainbow sunglasses and we posed with those. Dani, I asked just to make a silly face. She asked for direction and when I had none, she said, “Just any funny face?” and I nodded. When I thanked her for the photo, she said she didn’t think I’d be thanking her once I saw it. But I did see it and I did love it, so I guess she’s wrong hah!

The representation panel separated my photo ops with Dani and Dom from my photo op with Kat. It was really great, but Varun totally made me tear up when he talked about Indian representation on television. I’m going to let the internet cover the panel, though, since I imagine it’ll be on YouTube at some point. My photo with Kat was also kind of dampened by my forgetfulness for props, but I gave her my cell phone and told her to hold it out of reach for me. She didn’t hold it all the way up, though, so I had to crouch a little to make the picture and it kind of looks weird? But I made it a meme anyway. Here’s the original.

Back up to the autograph area, I then went to see Dani. In addition to discussion of my thesis stuff, I also told her I loved Workin’ Moms and that since I’m Canadian, I was all caught up. I told her I watched with my parents, which made her laugh and exclaim, “You watch it with your parents!? Is that awkward? What did they think about the scene where I m*st*rb*te on the couch?” I just said that thankfully, I did watch some episodes without them. She thanked me for my support and I complimented her outfit before moving onto Varun’s table.

Similar to Emily’s table on Friday, Varun’s had a relatively short line but was taking a long time to get through because he was chatting with everyone for so long. When I got up to have my thesis signed, he wasn’t even sitting behind his table. Instead, he was stood leaning against it, and every time someone came up, he would engulf them in a big hug. He looked at me with a big grin and said, “I recognize you!” and I guess I kind of made a confused face because he added, “I think?” and we had an awkward conversation about how I’d never actually met him before. Oops.

The rest of the interaction was far from awkward, though. Varun is extremely personable and kind. He asked me a million questions about my thesis. Actually, most of the cast had questions as to what it was about and how to define words like ‘alexithymia,’ but he was genuinely interested in how I ran the experiment and measured all my variables, what populations I used, etc. We had a long talk about things like physician bias and gender bias in diagnosing disorders among other things. He said psychology has always fascinated him, along with meditation. He finally had to move on to some of the people behind me, but he gave me another big hug. The selfie we took was inspired by the one of Kat and I from ECCC because he saw it as my lock screen when I took my phone out and mimicked it because he liked it.

Although I was done with that for the day, I spent the whole of Friday night with a bunch of different Earpers, at restaurants and bars before taking a haunted tour of the French quarter with a new friend that was really fun. I stayed up way too late again, and thus became the pattern of the weekend. I’m so sleep-deprived, guys. I probably need a 12 year nap.

Saturday was a different beast. I arrived only fifteen minutes early and started with photo ops. A friend and I had a joint Unkillable Gay Squad photo first. Since we’re both academics and geeks, I brought my stats books down and we asked them to pretend we were teaching them stats. I think Dom has the best face out of everyone because it’s the face I get every time I tell someone I’m going into quantitative psychology. Kat was genuinely trying to read the textbook over my shoulder and when we were done, she was like, “Yeah, I understood none of that!"

An incredibly sweet Earper had extra cast photo ops. Since it was one of my best friends’ first convention ever, she gifted to us one of the cast photos. Another friend couldn’t find her party and was bummed to miss her photo ops so we pulled her into ours instead. Our plan for poses didn’t work because some of the cast were in chairs, so we told them just to do whatever pose they wanted. As I walked in, Varun made a point to tell me that he had been trying to explain my thesis to Dom the night before. So that happened. Crazy, honestly, because it means they were talking about me!! Madness.

Following that, a friend and I hopped into Melanie’s autograph line for her first signing session. We were early for it, but there was already a full line and overflow line, so we were the beginning of the second overflow. Everyone wanted to see her at once. I had to laugh, though, because while I was in line, I changed into my Lasagna Del Rey tee and realized that Mel was wearing hers, too. It was a long time before I would get to the front to point it out, but the time went fast enough. My friend and I met a couple other Earpers with Earp playing cards and we played a few rounds of Go Fish followed by Blackjack. We were also all fighting over who could collect the most Wayhaught cards. Good times.

Meeting Melanie was amazing. When she saw my shirt, she leaned back in her chair, putting on an offended face and exclaimed to her handler, “Are you seeing this!?” and proceeded to tease me about it. I had her sign the same photo as Emily and she squinted at her hair like, “What’s with all the flyaways there? Thoughts?” and then was like, “Oh, it’s because I had all my fake Wynonna hair in and was trying to keep it all at bay.” 

When I told her about my thesis, I added, “And just so you know, it’s not a crap thesis either. It tied for the Outstanding Honours Award and I got a certificate of academic excellence from the CPA for it.” Eyes widened and she held up her hand to high-five me and exclaimed, “That’s how we Earp it girl!” So I was pretty proud. 

She then pointed out the matching shirts to everyone again as she got up and whispered in my ear, “Did you know I was going to wear this this morning?” and told me to post the pictures on twitter because her boss needed to see it.

Immediately following Mel’s autograph session was my Earp sisters photo with her and Dom. I gave them big lollipops, which they loved, and as we started, Mel turned me to Dom and said, “She’s from Calgary! Did you know that!?” Dom looked a little confused, to be honest, but she was like, “No, I don’t think I did. The name’s Steph, right?” I nodded and she smiled, but before she could say anything else, Mel was like, “And she only went and wrote a thesis for us!” So maybe my masters should somehow incorporate Wynonna Earp beyond the acknowledgements and dedications. I have no idea how though lol. Also, as I was leaving, she pointed out again to everyone that we were matching.

A combined photo op with Dani and Mel was next. I asked them to recreate the distracted boyfriend meme and Melanie exclaimed, “Yes!” They asked me who each of us should be and I said they could pick whoever they wanted. Mel wanted to be the girl at the front and Dani went through directing the rest of the photo. When we were done, Melanie winked at me and said this was probably the best photo they’d done.

I had to run to an overlapping photo op with Dom and Kat right after that, so I had to change in the lineup back into the Equality shirt beneath my Lasagna Del Rey and put on beads and a hat before getting the rest of the props ready. Pride photos are a lot harder than anticipated! But I love how it turned out, and Kat really dug the tiny glittery rainbow cowboy hats.

I tried to get autographs from Kat and Dom again because I had giveaway items, but they ran too close to the start of Emily’s workshop, so I couldn’t. The workshop was so much fun, though. She asked that there be no recording so that content remains fresh for newcomers at future cons, so I’m not going to talk much about it. All I’m going to say is that it was really interesting and even more funny. Kinda wish she’d come teach my regular classes.

Aside from at Dani’s table during her signing, the only time I got to meet Michael Eklund outside of photo ops was actually on the sidewalk outside the hotel. I showed him my shirt and he hugged me. Sadly I was never able to make it to his table because I had booked myself with too little flexibility, and every time he was doing a signing, I was busy. Sad. I hope I get to see him at a future con because he’s super great.

Sunday started early with photo ops again. My first was a cast photo this time – the one that I had purchased for myself. I had a lot of selfie props and handed them out to everyone as I told them that I would be using this in place of a real graduation photo. Someone (I don’t remember which one of them) said that was a great idea and they all agreed. As I was leaving, they all cheered congratulations and clapped for me. I almost died, y’all. It was way better than walking across a stage.

Shortly after, I had another photo op with Kat to make up for the one I didn’t like so much on Friday. It did. She wrapped her arms around me and you can see on my face exactly how pleased I am with myself for asking for prom poses. She also asked to make sure I was happy with the grad photo and was glad to know I loved it. A lot.

I had a meet and greet with Dani Kind next, which was fun. That woman really knows how to make you laugh, even when you’re fsjdkfnkv freezing from air con being way too high. She told us about her campy new horror movie and talked a bit about Workin’ Moms and politics. I didn’t talk a lot except for the Canadian election stuff, but it was still super fun just to listen to her. 

I left to get into line for autographs from Dom for the giveaway, but because she had photo ops to get to, our line was cut off while we were still in overflow. We were given post-it notes with numbers on them to indicate that we would be allowed into her line first later. I hopped into Kat’s instead, but a few minutes later, they did the same for hers, so I went to take a breather with a friend until my last photo op.

My final photo was with Wayhaught and my friend for her first con. We asked them to kiss our cheeks, and I think my face says it all. Amazing. Kat apologized for getting lip gloss on my cheek but it really didn’t even matter. I loved it. 

Using my post-it from earlier, I went to Kat’s line first since her session was supposed to start sooner. Since I had both post-its, I and two others were allowed to jump lines when we were finished instead of getting into overflow. Nice. 

This time, we took our selfies first. When she sat down and looked at the names on the stickies for personalization, she was like, “You’re getting them for someone else?” I replied to tell her a bit about the girls I was having her sign for. She particularly loved that Kylie had decorated her grad cap writing ‘Aphrodite made me do it’ and signed that to her paper. 

I then asked her a bit about her experience going to Ellen Degeneres’ show, since she loves her so much (and so do I!). She got really excited and told me that it was absolutely amazing and hilarious, and that she had won a washing machine. I asked how and she said there was a giveaway and that she had also won a two-year supply of Tide. She had to sell the washing machine, though, since she didn’t live in L.A. at the time. She said if I ever have the chance to see her, that I should definitely go, because it was a real moment of seeing her hero live, adding that whenever she’s upset or depressed, she likes to binge Ellen’s talk show on YouTube or sometimes her comedy, which she also loves. I said I was a big fan of her sitcom, but she admitted she hadn’t seen it yet, and I told her to check it out some time.

Dom was my last stop, so I hopped into her line as told. She was moving a little faster, probably because she’s been so late at all the other cons lately, but was still taking time with everyone. She, too, took the selfie first this time. I told her I was getting these autographs for a giveaway for people who couldn’t be there and she exclaimed, “Oh that’s so nice!” I told her a little about the winners and she was jazzed when I said they were from across the globe (I told her the exact countries but just in case, to protect privacy, I won’t say where here). 

I said that I had a random question and asked about her experience with the Spice Girls musical, since I loved them growing up. She blew out a breath and said that was a really big time for her, and that it taught her a lot, especially being part of a big musical that flopped. But, she said, she did get to sing with them on opening night and meet all of the girls. I said that was really cool and asked who her favorite Spice Girl was. She thought for a moment and said it fluctuated between Scary and Baby. I agreed that Baby was always my favorite and she said that she was definitely the nicest.

Also, while she was signing the second photo, she kind of paused for a second and looked at it and then said, “Oh, I just noticed that.” She pointed to a darker spot in the background of the picture and said she had never noticed it before but that for a second, she thought it was moving and that it was a bug. Then she said that her brain was kind of sdfsdfgdg (honestly, the only way to describe the sound that came out of her mouth is a keysmash) and laughed.

As I left, I told her that I hoped she had a great weekend and she said she hoped the same for me. I left and realized I had dumbly left my water bottle on her table and ran back to get it. I zipped back off so I wouldn’t interrupt the next person’s time, but I saw her turn toward me and laugh, saying, “Great job!” Oops... What is it with teal water bottles always being left behind guys?

I went to the cast panel with a bunch of my friends and I think just about the whole room was in tears by the end of the closing ceremonies. Again, I’ll leave those for YouTube. The best parts are already online, anyway, but it was really cool to see it live.

The con was over, but some Earpers posted later in the night that they were having a viewing party in one of the conference rooms on the second floor, so my friend and I went down to join. It was so much fun watching with other Earpers. We played the pilot and then went down a rabbit hole of Wayhaught, including playing the cheerleading scene on repeat. My favorite quote, though, was when we were watching them kiss in 2x02 at the end, when they’re making up. Someone asked an Earper who was hard of hearing if they could hear and they answered, “No.” She said, “Oh, let me pause and put on subtitles,” and they responded, “I didn’t say I needed to hear it to enjoy it.” Wow. Mood.

Monday morning was check out and Dom was in the lobby. She was on her phone and people were looking but no one was bothering her. I went to the desk to check out and Varun appeared at the desk next to me to check out too. He got to talking to my friend who was with me about my thesis (!?) and when I was done checking out, I joined them. He said he and Dom were about to go on a swamp tour and he had to go but that he hoped to see us again at future cons and that it was nice meeting us. That guy really is the sweetest.

Anyway, now I’m home. And a bit sad. But mostly just overwhelmed for love for this cast and for Earpers. I didn’t put as much in here as I could about the atmosphere of the event. So inclusive and kind. Everywhere I turned, I made a new friend. I was always talking to someone, and often those were people I had never met before. There was so much laughter, so much bonding. So many generous, amazing souls. I can’t wait for EH Con and to see them again. I love this family with all my heart. Any sadness I feel came from a place of great joy, and knowing this community is still out there even if we’re not together is so comforting. I love Earpers with my whole freakin’ heart.