#was it bad for me probably lmao 4 shots no lunch

[hinamie]

one thing i miss abt cafe work is sneaking shots of espresso throughout th day :(

[blue-pastel-cat]

Xiaobedo Fanfic Recommendation

Welcome to my personal “if you are new to xiaobedo peeps please read these” list. As said before this is my personal list so please feel free to reblog/comment/hit me for not including any gem here. I might miss a lot of them because I am drunk or blind. (mostly have them on my to read and then forgot as I am being assault by real life shit).

I would like to say first that so far there are 150+ Xiaobedo fics on Ao3. I can’t review all of them but I can say that I have read a majority of them. Most of them are just pure love and I would like nothing more than a thousands thank you for all the fic writers who spent their free time writting these gems for us to read for free. But these...these takes the cake as it finds a special landing spot in my heart that I would just thrust them into someone’s hand if they say “I am new to this ship can you recommend me?”

1. Orange dust by bobamilkteas (Wes)

In which Xiao learns to open himself up to the world a little more after the collapse of Rex lapis's contracts but it was not always easy for a soul doomed to eternal damnation. Meanwhile, Albedo liked to tempt fate where the extraordinary are concerned.

If only the traveler's comrades are made of saner bunch.

Comment: Long ago when I like both Albedo and Xiao as a character, I was wondering hmmm....will anyone actually even write about them lmao they never met each other. I am surprise to see this one as the 3rd fic in the whole 3 Xiaobedo fic on Ao3 (yeah back when there’s literally only 3 fic for this couple). I was like I’ll read it for the curiosity, I’ll probably won’t ship them. And that people is how I put my clown make up on my face upon finishing reading it. This ONE fic alone convert me into a devotee of Xiaobedo. Please consider joining me in this circus if you want to know what is Xiaobedo. I would put this as the first of my “Big 3″

Orange Dust also come with its compliation of short stories over the course of the game and a big sequel to it. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

2. Solar Wind by birdpriestess (Sparrow)

For the yaksha, his duty was his life, and his life was his duty. No human could ever hope to understand the eternal war he fought out of sight and in silence.

So why, then, did he feel that Albedo would understand?

---

Finding himself at death's door once more, Xiao is saved by a surprising person, setting off the unlikeliest of adventures.

Comment: Do you like crying? Do you like the feeling of getting your heart ripped into pieces as the author destroy your emotions over the end of each chapter as the story picked up the climax? Yeah, this one is for you masochists. The action, the characterisation, the drama THE EMOTIONS OH WOW. I kid you not that it was so good I read this while workinng when I am not suppose to me. Also, this fic has my favourite characterisation of Gold ever. I love that dramatic queen Mad Alchemist. AND DAIN. I LOVE DAIN IN THIS FIC. Our dearest Sparrow manage to toy with our feelings like how I bully ruin guard for big numbers lmao. This is the secound of “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list.

Again, just like Orange Dust, Solar Wind comes with its own compliation of short stories of what came after that. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

3. Castle of Glass by AlchemicalStardust (Morgie) 

A black shadow rises over Huaguang Stone Forest. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Albedo flees the shaking ground and the crash of boulders tumbling form the sky. As the dust settles, Albedo finds a young man – an Adeptus – amidst the carnage. Despite the karmic agony ripping his body from the inside, Xiao’s only question is “How?” How did a human survive after witnessing his battle?

Comment: The last of the “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list. And it is still on going! Castle of Glass? More like I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS! Have you read a fic about 2 people yearning, longing, reaching out for each other so damn well that you just want to throw your phone in the air as they both had their impending doom coming down upon them? Yeah this is one of them. You will like want to be stuck in the moment they express how much they just yearn for each other’s love and care that you want to shake the author for what comes next. Like...everytime Morgie update I am expressing my gratitude at the end of the chapter by writing on Xiaobedo discord “MORGIE COME HERE AND LET ME BONK YOU WHY ARE YOU ENDING IT THERE”

trust me when you read you will def feel the same. With just Big 3 and their compliation alone that would give you like a LONG list of reading already LMAOOOOOOO

4. Find a place to call it home  by yamajiroo 

Our room, he said. Xiao’s brow twitches. Zhongli never said anything about this. But then again, perhaps he should anticipate this from the beginning...

Xiao looks over at Albedo, who is now tilting his head, his look as innocent as ever.

“Are you not okay with sharing a room?”

Comment: College AU for Xiaobedo! One thing that I love this is the slow burn and what made me LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic more is how cute Klee is in this fic. Their relationship in this one is very simple, but that simplicity highlight why their chemistry work. Xiao is someone who was just very gentle, who was largely misunderstood by his lonesome nature. Albedo was someone who like peace and quite in his introvert bubble. And how they respect that bubble that each other has actually made their relationship work. I love it when fic highlight this and this one captures it.

5. I Can't See Your Face From the Other Side of the Classroom by MissWeaver  

When Albedo and Xiao unexpectedly start eating lunch together, they begin to find that they have more in common than anyone would have realized. They both struggle in their own ways with blossoming feelings, too many assignments, and annoying classmates as they navigate a relationship for the first time.

Comment: I’ll be honest, I usually hate high school au just because its so cliche. I don’t even watch and drama/anime surrounds high school student anymore LMAOOO (unless it’s very good). So if there’s an high school AU that I actually keep come back and read after a couple of chapters, it means that the cliche that I hate wasn’t there or barely was there at all. The pinning in this fic makes me want to bang their head together sometimes LMAOOO The tag wasn’t kidding when they said both Xiao and Albedo are bad at feelings. Also that’s a lot of heart broken caused by these two idiots XD

6. new world, same me, same bullshit  by  bobamilkteas (Wes)

At the belly of Dragonspine, Albedo lost control to the festering corruption that permeated his senses and watched, from the recesses of his mind, as his devoured body turned his allies into enemies. Before his rampage reached its climax, he is sealed in a crystalized confinement by the last hand of Reindottir, where he then reawakens centuries after, in a rebooted Teyvat.

Comment: Yeah I know it was list in Orange Dust but here me out. This sets out in an entirely different universe. And if you like Polyamory, this one has Zhongli joining the duo and I love it because I also love ZhongXiao with my life. Time Travel is my biggest kink. Especially when I am the person who love it when people explore Archon War era/ Alatus!Xiao. So this one hits double of my kink. Of course it is still on going and I will bully Wes whenever I can to see that new chapter. Albedo is a total fucking badass in this story and I completely agree from using him in Abyss so often. Everyone should write badass Albedo.

7. misplaced heart of mine by  inkburn           

“If you are ill, then you should be resting at home. In Mondstadt.” He emphasized Mondstadt with a pointed look in his direction.

“I assure you I won’t be troublesome, Adeptus Xiao,” Albedo said, “You’ll find I’m a rather low-maintenance traveler.”

“Travel,” Xiao scoffed, “without airstep?”

Albedo looked him up and down. “Are your legs just for decoration?”

(albedo is sent to liyue on mandatory vacation. xiao is his unfortunate bodyguard.)

Comment: Most of the time you will see Albedo and Xiao starting their relationship with one of them taking interest in another. But this one took another approach, they starting off by make them hating each other’s guts LMAOOOO and I live for every second of it. There’s only 1 chapter so far but wow it was SOOO GOOD. I am really really excited for next chapter and is waiting patiently ;w;

8.  Blossom of Grace  by birdpriestess  

One day in Liyue Harbor, Albedo watches a street performance by an enigmatic dancer named Xiao. And he becomes completely obsessed.

Comment: Have you ever look at Xiao fight and thinking that he’s one of the most beautiful deadly thing ever? How it was like he was dancing around the battlefield? How about actual dancer Xiao being so absolutely beautiful and perfect and that slow burn of Albedo falling in love with that beauty with a touch of Modern AU and cute Ganyu as the Wing woman. Yes, Sparrow delivers yet again another beautiful slow burn and while it’s still ongoing it is worth the read.

9. i think we could make this work (could get used to this) by outspaced               

“Xiao? What are you doing out here?”

“I—”

“It’s raining,” Albedo says, as if it isn’t obvious. “You could get struck by lightning.”

“What are you doing out here then?” Xiao does the only thing he knows how to do, he challenges Albedo. “It’s raining.”

Albedo just hums. “If I get struck by lightning, it’s for science.”

Comment: A short one-shot where I read the summary and went “This is it... this is their relationship.” I am sold immediately. Oh god Albedo why are you like this.

10. Ephemeral by criedprinz        

“It’s not for your investigation, is it?” Aether asked mildly.

Albedo traced a finger around the sketchbook, considering the question. “No,” he admitted finally. “I... I just want to see them again.”

He opened the sketchbook to reveal the drawing he’d just finished. Aether nodded, clearly recognizing the sharp golden eyes.

“Xiao,” he said. “You were rescued by an adeptus.”

When a visit to Dragonspine goes horribly wrong, Albedo is rescued by an unknown stranger, wielding powers he's never heard of. Led on a search to find out who it is, he finds himself in the middle of an unforgettable encounter..

Comment: A really really well written one-shot that I love. The yearning oh godddd the yearning from Albedo side is just so so much that I have to put it here. (I think you can see the trend here lmao. I am a sucker for yearning). And the moment they get to meet each other again is just chef kiss. MWHAA

11. Idle Yaksha, Brilliant Yaksha by Pit0fTheEarth

Alatus didn’t have a lot of responsibilities to keep. He spent most of his days dancing across the sky and eating away all nightmares that plagued a person’s sleep.

But one fortunate encounter led to too many unfortunate ones, taking his carefree existence and plunging it in darkness. His wings, stripped from him. His gentle touch, replaced by an unforgiving grip of destruction.

There was a lot of blood on his hands. With each passing moment, it became harder for Alatus to recall the last time someone gently held him.

Comment: This is one of the ongoing fic where I am very very much excited on the take of Naberius. And the way the author portray Xiao when he’s still the innocent Alatus is just *clench fist*. Baby ;w; Baby why do you have to lose all that innocence. Also the fic has long LONG flashback to Xiao past and his relationship with Naberius. We are unwielding more what happened to both of them and why perhaps does this have to do with Albedo.

That’s it for now, might add more later! Thank you <3

[the-cult-of-russo]

No Going Back (part 2)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Request : Hey love, can you please do a part 2 to “no going back” where the reader is with a new partner that treats them better and shows how happy y/n is (after a few months of heart break) & billy is upset and dealing with the aftermath of his actions - regret - or not being able to find someone like reader. I’m in the mood for sad!billy because my heart broke for myself in the last one lmfao, they could meet again with y/nS new partner idk go crazy babe!

A/N: Welcome to the Land of Pain. Enjoy the deep rooted sadness and heartache lmao why am I so invested in Sad!Billy? Like really, let me give him a hug or something 😂 this one kind of took on a life of its own and I couldn't help the comforting at the end lmao sue me.

Also, I keep the description of the new partner vague so you can imagine whoever you want. Personally I was thinking Charlie Hunnam because 👀🙃 but this way you can picture whoever. 

Warnings: cursing, some angst, heaps of sadness and despair (for Billy), very much Sad!Billy. Lil bit of fluff too

You never thought you'd find happiness, not after Billy. But sometimes you find things when you least expect it, or they find you. You'd spent months healing after what happened with Billy and at times you honestly thought the pain wouldn't stop. The saving grace was the fact Billy actually kept his distance and didn't contact you. At first you weren't sure if that hurt more or not. But the clean break allowed you to heal and you knew deep down that's why he did it. It had been hard knowing he loved you, that he wanted to fix things. If he had just been an asshole then it would have been easier to get over him. You could hate him. But you couldn't. Part of you would always belong to him but you had to move on. And you did. 

Jacob was a great guy and you'd met through a friend. He took you on dates, doted on you. He was there and he listened and he treated you amazingly. And for the first time since Billy, you hadn't compared Jacob to him. Previous dates were always measured up to Billy but when you met Jacob, you didn't even think about your past lover. 

You'd been with Jacob now for 4 months, it being half a year since the split with Billy. Everything was looking up for you and you finally felt like things were on the right track. You still thought about Billy sometimes. Wondered if he was okay, what he was up to. You couldn't help it. You just hoped one day he'd find happiness too. It hurt that he hadn't allowed that with you but you hoped he'd let it happen with someone one day. 

-------

Billy had experienced pain in all forms in his life. The pain of abandonment from his mother, from the shit in the group home, being in the marines and everything after. He'd always dealt with it. Picked himself back up and moved on. He got back up every time and was always stronger for it. But this time… this time he was weak and he couldn't do a damned thing about it. 

Losing you, all through his own bullshit fault, had been by far the worst thing he'd ever been through. The worst kind of pain. Being shot in the heart would hurt less than the agony and waking hell that had been his life since you begged him to leave your apartment 6 months ago. It felt like only 6 days ago yet 6 years at the same time. It was a never ending spiral of darkness and despair. 

And it was all his own fault. His inability to just be a normal fucking human with emotions had ruined the best thing he ever had. He deserved this pain. He deserved every bit of it. He'd done a lot of bad shit in his life but this was the worst. He couldn't get your face out of his head. How you looked at him with such betrayal and hurt. And he'd caused that. He'd caused those tears to stream down your face, he'd caused that pain. So he'd wallow in his misery and take every inch of pain he was in because he deserved it all. 

He'd thrown it all away, and for what? The sex with the other women hadn't even been good. He hadn't enjoyed it because it wasn't you. And then after, the guilt would eat him alive. But he kept doing it. He couldn't stop himself because he was overwhelmed. He loved you. He actually fucking loved you and he didn't deserve you at all. He never thought he'd love anyone. Didn't think he was capable of such a thing, yet here he was. And he never thought in a million years that anyone would ever love him. His own mother didn't, so why would anyone else? He kept replaying over and over when you told him you loved him that day. The pain had ripped through him like C4. He'd fucked up so badly and he couldn't fix it. He'd finally had a taste of what it was like to be loved and to love someone and it was snatched away in a heartbeat because of his own actions. 

He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. He lost some weight and was well aware of the dark circles around his eyes. He'd taken to drinking every night just to numb the pain and hope your face didn't haunt his dreams. He hadn't even slept with another person since. He couldn't bring himself to. He was a mess. All he wanted was you and he couldn't have you. 

------

You and Jacob were on your way to a little cafe you frequented for lunch. You felt happy, radiant even as you both walked hand in hand. The weather was warming up and the sun bathed you in its warm glow as you walked. Everything felt right. Just as you got to the outside of the cafe, his phone rang. 

"Shit, I need to take this, babe," he sighed. You smiled up at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"It's okay. I'll see what they have today," you smiled. He gave you a wide smile, kissing you softly before he stepped away a bit to answer the phone. There was no anxiety. No wondering who he was talking to. You felt settled and content. 

You glanced through the window of the cafe where they displayed fresh baked sweet treats. They had different ones every day and you pressed up against the window, eyes glancing around as you tried to decide if you wanted a glazed donut or a cinnamon bun. Probably the donut.

"Y/N?" The shocked voice felt like a splash of cold water. You knew that voice anywhere. You turned around to see Billy, wide eyed as he stared at you. He looked… oh Billy. Your heart ached at the state of him. He was still in his fancy suit with his hair neat and slicked back. But he looked exhausted, his dark eyes sad. It hurt.

"Hey, Billy," you murmured with a soft smile. You thought about what it would be like if you saw him again. You thought it would bring all the pain back. The anger. But you were hurting for a different reason. You were hurting for him this time. 

He glanced at the floor, looking somewhat out of place and his usual confidence seemed to be left at home. When he glanced back up at you, looking at you through his lashes, he looked like a lost boy. 

"You look good," he said quietly. You smiled sadly, shifting where you stood. 

"You look tired," you countered softly. He chuckled, the noise hollow sounding and you'd be a liar if you said you didn't miss him. Part of you wondered if you could have stayed friends but you didn't think it would help.

"Yeah, I'm uh… not sleepin' so good," he shrugged like it was nothing and you frowned. 

"Billy-" you started, only to be cut off by Jacob coming back over and wrapping an arm around your waist. 

"Sorry, I'm done now," he smiled down at you, kissing your cheek. It wasn't done as a display of possessiveness like Billy would have. It was simply affection. But you saw how Billy's jaw clenched, eyes hardening as he looked at him.

"Uh… Jacob, this is Billy. Billy, this is Jacob," you said carefully. You didn't need to say that Jacob was your boyfriend. It was obvious and you didn't want to rub salt in Billy's wounds. Jacob's brows raised a little, arm moving from around you as he looked at Billy. 

"Oh. It's a pleasure to meet you, I've heard a lot about you," Jacob said amicably as he extended his hand. Billy glanced at it like it was a poisonous snake before glancing at you. You gave him an imploring look and he swallowed thickly before shaking Jacob's hand. 

"Nothin' good, I bet,'' Billy smiled bitterly. Ouch. That hurt. 

Jacob looked at Billy hesitantly with a small smile. 

"Actually… Y/N had nothing but good things to say about you. Except for how it all ended but… there were a lot of good things," Jacob said softly. It made you smile. You'd told him everything about you and Billy and he'd never seen it as an issue. And the fact he was trying here really meant something to you.

Billy looked taken aback for a moment before his face schooled back to the mask of indifference he'd wear often. He glanced at you then at Jacob again as Jacob gave your hand a squeeze.

"I'll get us a table and give you two a minute," Jacob murmured to you. It wasn't lost on you how he purposely didn't kiss you like he normally would. He wasn't petty. He wouldn't hurt Billy or rub it in his face. 

Once Jacob was inside you looked at Billy as he glared off to the side, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

"Billy… I'm sorry, I…" you frowned. You wished he hadn't found out this way. Not when you saw how badly he was hurting. He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head.

"Don't … Don't do that," he bit out. 

"Do what?" You asked with a frown. His obsidian eyes turned to you then, full of such pain and sadness that it felt like you'd been punched in the gut.

"Don't… apologise to me. I don't deserve shit," he muttered, jaw clenched. 

You took a step closer to him and he looked down at you, rolling his shoulder a little. 

"Look… you fucked up. It happened. But I don't … I don't hate you, okay? I never could. I don't want to see you hurting like this," you lamented. His lower lip wobbled a little before he clamped down on it with his teeth, glaring at the floor with glassy eyes. 

"You should hate me," he replied tensely. 

"Well I don't. I forgive you. I don't know if that's helps or anything but… you need to forgive yourself, Billy," you said as you moved closer, looking up at him. His eyes met yours for a moment before he looked away. 

He was so tense, hands in his pockets as his shoulders were set and his body was rigid. 

"Does he uh… he treat you good?" He asked, voice strained as his eyes drifted to the window of the cafe before back to you. You nodded, worried if you vocalised it that it might hurt him more. He scrunched his nose a little, his shoulder rolling again.

"He make you happy?" He asked quietly. It sounded like it brought him great pain to even ask and you looked away with a sigh.

"Billy…" you frowned, not wanting to answer. 

"Just… please. Does he make you happy?" He asked again, a little firmer this time. You met his eyes as you nodded. 

His jaw ticked as he nodded stiffly, glaring off to the side.

"Good… good, you deserve to be happy," he muttered softly. 

"So do you," you replied sincerely. Black eyes snapped to yours then as he scoffed. He opened his mouth to no doubt say something fueled by self hatred but you spoke before he had the chance. 

"I'm serious. I want you to be happy, Billy. You need to allow yourself to feel things and one day you'll get that. You'll find happiness one day," you implored.

He blinked at you for a moment, his eyes shining from moisture.

"I want that with you. And I know… I know I can't. I know we can't fix this. But I just… I don't think I could find that with someone else," he admitted softly. He looked so sad and it was wounding you. You hated seeing him so vulnerable and lost like this. It was so far from the Billy you knew and loved. This Billy was the Billy that woke from nightmares about the group home or from when he was overseas. The Billy you'd comforted many times before. It always hurt you when this side of him was out. 

"There'll always be a part of my heart with your name on it, Billy. I'm sorry it didn't work out but it doesn't mean I don't care at all," you breathed. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath at your words. 

"This… this is why I never deserved you. You're too good for me, too kind and… caring. I don't deserve somethin' precious like you. I don't deserve anythin' good," he muttered bitterly. You knew this spiral well. How he got in his own head and went down the rabbit hole of hating himself. 

You took another step towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck. You just wanted him to be okay. To stop hurting. He may have hurt you, broke your heart, but you didn't want this for him. You wanted to comfort him and this was the only way you knew how. You felt his arms wrap around you, one fisting your shirt and the other in your hair as he held you close. He buried his nose in your hair and inhaled deeply. 

"Stop hating yourself. Do it for me. I hate seeing you like this," you whispered forlornly as you held onto him tightly. 

His hand in your hair tightened a little and you could feel a slight tremor running through his body. 

"I'm a mess without you," he lamented, slightly muffled by your hair. 

"You need to allow yourself to move on," you replied softly. You went to move away but his arms tightened and you allowed him to hold you a moment longer. He'd called you his anchor once. You hadn't really believed him but now it seemed like he was floating away and you were the only thing tethering him here. 

He pressed a kiss to your hair before releasing you but you didn't step back too far as you blinked up at him. 

"Maybe we… maybe we can…" he trailed off uncertainly and your chest constricted painfully. You really hoped he wasn't going to ask for another chance because shooting him down in the state he was in would kill you. 

"I wanna… could we be friends? I won't… I won't get in the way or anythin', I just… maybe if I could text you sometimes? Just to know you're okay?" He asked hesitantly as his dark orbs flit to the window of the cafe before back to you.

You weren't sure if it was a great idea. You didn't know if it would help if you were honest.

"Billy… I don't know if that's a good idea," you murmured sadly. His eyes bore into you, pleading and desperate.

"Please? I know that I-I can't have you. Not the way I want. But I need you in my life, even just as a friend. You not bein' there at all… it's left a gaping hole and I…" his hand went to his chest, rubbing over where his heart was. 

"Okay, you can text me if you need me. But only as friends," you relented, stating the last part firmly. A small smile graced his face then, eyes lighting up ever so slowly. You hoped this wouldn't be a bad idea. 

"I appreciate it. And… as much as it hurts… to see you with… Jacob. I am happy for you," he said Jacob's name like it pained him but his eyes were sincere as he looked at you. It made you smile a little. 

"Thank you, Billy," you murmured. He gave you another small hesitant smile as he nodded.

"I'll uh… let you get back," he said with a nod. Without thinking, you wrapped your arms around him again, around his middle this time as your head rested on his chest. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you tightly. His hand going to your hair like it always did. You could hear the rapid thumping of his heart in your ear. 

"It was good seeing you," you said softly. You meant it too. 

You always thought it would be difficult seeing him again, and it was in a way. It hurt seeing him this cut up about it. But it wasn't how you imagined it would go. You weren't angry at him, you didn't feel the same pain you did on that day. The only pain you felt was for the broken man in holding you. You wanted to comfort him and you'd missed him. He'd been a constant in your life for a while, even before you officially got together. 

"It was good seein' you too," he sighed, squeezing you a little. When you stepped back, he gripped your face and for a moment it startled you. But he planted a firm kiss to your forehead before stepping back. Once again, you allowed him that. You couldn't help it. 

You gave him a soft smile and he returned it with a sad one of his own. You forced your feet to move as you made your way into the cafe. Jacob was sitting there patiently waiting at a table with a coffee and a donut waiting for you. You grinned at him as you sat down and he leaned over to kiss your cheek.

"Everything okay?" He asked softly, stroking your cheek.

"Yeah," you sighed. You really hoped Billy would forgive himself for everything that happened. He didn't need to punish himself like this. 

"Good… he'll get over it one day. Just give him some time, babe," Jacob murmured as if he knew what you were thinking. You gave him a warm smile as you laced your fingers with his. 

You hoped he was right. You hoped that being friends with Billy would work and maybe help him. You still weren't sure if it was a good idea or not but he seemed adamant it would help him. It was hardly how you ever imagined it would go but it was how the cards fell. All you could do was wait and see what happened and hope that maybe you could help Billy through it. It was kind of upside down and all ass upwards. Helping the man that broke your heart get over you. But you still cared about him and you'd do whatever you could to help him through it.  

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 3/?

Word Count: 1.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your name, A/N -Any name (your best friend’s name)

Part 3! Date 2 is going to be underway with this one. Enjoy!

I had to change my pfp and my header cause they were being dickheads so just be aware if you liked looking at the batboys when clicking on my profile lmao <3

Warnings: Swearing, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd, Dark humor.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15)  (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Y/N woke up the next day feeling like she could take on the world, energized, with a new crush, and full of life, a stark shift from how she usually was. She was never normally a morning person and had a severe addiction to caffeine. I mean, the addiction was still there and she still needed coffee before she could go to her 3pm class and meet up with Jason again, but she was happy. She would put on her clothes and pack her bag before even getting coffee.

“G’morning, A/N!”

“Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?” A/N joked.

“Down girl, I’m just peppy today, it’ll probably wear down and it’s probably a once-in-a-blue-moon deal,” Y/N said as she started brewing her coffee.

“You got a date with Jason today?”

“I do!”

“That explains it,” A/N joked again.

“Says the one with a boyfriend,” she shot back.

“He’s not my boyfriend, we’re just hooking up right now, trust me, if he was, you’d know, darlin’.”

“So what did dreamboat ask last night?” A/N asked.

“Well I said ‘What do you want to know?’ and he said ‘We’ll talk about it today, maybe during notes or maybe during our lunch date, we’ll see how i’m feeling.’ so I think that’s good?”

“You kidding? You got that man wrapped around your finger, respect.”

“Shut up.”

“No thanks, I have free speech y’know.”

“Yeah you can say whatever, but I can also use my free speech rights to tell you to shove it, so, checkmate,” you sneered at her.

“That’s fair,” A/N paused and then changed the subject, “Have you heard Brutal yet?” she asked.

“You’re damn right I have, I wonder where that was for me at 17. But to be fair, I would still blast it now at my parents just to make them irk.”

“They would kill you for listening to that song instead of their Christian Rock.”

“Worth it, I’ll die swinging and singing.” Y/N mused.

“It really is Brutal out here.”

“Leave, get out, that sucked, blocked, friendship over.”

---------------------------------

She walked up to her 3pm class, to be greeted by Jason at the door, with of course, her new knowledge of the tabloids and their minions, she questioned why he’d do this.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“’Afternoon, Jason.”

“I’m trying to give the tabloids a show, don’t mind me.” he mused.

“I’m not surprised, but class is in 5.”

“Then I guess we should sit down and get ready to write at lightning speeds.”

She went to sit down, followed close by Jason. She couldn’t help but notice everyone was staring, but she didn’t care. This is going to be fun, she thought, I’m glad they’re gonna get a fucking kick out of this, she finished her thought.

Class went on as usual, with her scribbling down the notes so quick her arms hurt by the end of it, and Jason just sitting around making sure she wasn’t losing her arms to the writing, and casually laughing at the Professor. Then, the Professor brought up Barry Allen. Dr. Barry Allen and what he does for the criminal psychology people. 

“Forensics go hand-in-hand with criminal psych, normally we can tell, as scholars, from the hitting of the weapon why and who might’ve done it.” The Professor said.

 She saw Jason tense up a bit, and whispered over to him;

“You know Dr. Barry Allen don’t you?”

“He’s my uncle,” he whispered back.

“Well, be sure to tell him I’ve read some of his essays when I wanted to go into forensics instead of criminal psychology.”

“Really? He has essays?”

“Many. Very good writing. 10/10.”

“You’re going to make his week if you keep talking like this.” he mused.

“Good.” you mocked.

---------------------------

“So, you’re intermixed with a renowned journalist, a legend in forensic testing and you’re the son of Bruce Wayne?” she asked Jason, she couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, but there they were, all cards on the table.

“Yeah, I know this is all new to you but famous people tend to know other famous people.” he joked with her.

“Well that’s fair, I guess I kind of know Clark, I met him once at a office party with my mum.”

“He’d probably remember you.”

“Enough of your family ties, huh? You said you wanted to know more about me?”

“Yes, that, did you tell your roommate to pick up your car?” he asked her.

“I did, why was I meant to do that, by the way?” she asked him.

“Because, we, you and I, Y/N, are going to go for a joyride on my motorbike and try to get away from these,” he lowered his voice, “bitch ass cameras,” he grabbed her hand and started running towards his bike, dodging all the paparazzi who just wanted the snag shot of the two. They don’t even know my name, and they’re going off about this, she thought.

When the two met his bike, she looked over it fondly. This guy really likes his red, she thought, that’s fair, I do too.

“Nice bike.”

“Thank you, Y/N. We can ride this bad boy out to the country and try to escape the cameras, which kind of cuts into the lunch date, but hey-”

“That’s just the life someone famous has to live?” she questioned.

“You’re catching on.”

“I could have been a detective if I wanted it.”

He laughed and sat down on his bike and like instinct, she sat behind him and wrapped her hands on his chest and leant in. She didn’t know how to passenger a motorbike, but he didn’t say she did it wrong.

“You ready?”

“Jason, are you going to kill me?”

“Well if the shoe fits.” he mused.

“I’m ready.”

And off they went.

There was something about the way the bike drove through the streets of Gotham that she loved so much, she had already fallen in love with the restless city and called it home long before right now, but this was exhilarating for her. Somehow driving at 120mph was amazing, it brought out this feeling of freedom, something she hadn’t ever felt back home in Metropolis.

It’s worth it, she thought, it’s forever going to be worth it.

-------------------------------------

Pulling her off of his bike, the two of them laid underneath the tree on the small hill Jason pulled over by.

“Do you think we escaped the pap?” she asked him.

“Probably not.”

“Festive.”

“So, Y/N, it’s your turn to open up about your family. Besides your mum, I already know about your mum.”

“So, my twin sister goes to our rival school, the Metropolis one, I think she’s more of a people person than I’ll ever be. My parents are still together, they got married after they had my sister and I, so I’m a bastard,” she laughed, “I always like telling people I’m by definition a bastard, a lot of them get mad all like, ‘don’t call yourself that you’re a lovely girl’ and it’s just funny to me,”

He laughed, “You call yourself a bastard out of spite?”

“Am I supposed to not? I think it’s funny-”

“It’s pretty funny. I live out of spite too,” he said, almost like he was pulling out a bad memory, but she egged him on slightly,

“Spite who?” she asked.

“Spite God.”

She let out a laugh, and he seemed to let go of whatever memory he had clung onto to watch her laugh. It was clearly a distracting laugh.

“God tried to strike you and you just went ‘Nah mate, go away’? Respectable. I would do that.” she said while laughing.

“That’s exactly what happened, Y/N-” and his phone pinged, he turned it over, it was Dick.

“Mind sharing who that is?”

“I don’t mind, it’s my older brother sending me an article of us today. We really gave them a show holding hands,” he began reading, “ ‘Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd, Caught Holding Hands with the Mystery Girl.’ “

“One day they will know my name. And it will be a massive article. Like a gender reveal.”

“Like a gender reveal?!” he said back to her, laughing so hard his smile reached ends she didn’t expect it to be able to go.

“It wasn’t that funny of a joke, Jason,” she said.

“It’s a better joke than my brothers and sister could ever come up with, Y/N, and they’ve had Galas to practice for,” he retorted.

“I’ll set it ablaze like the California gender reveal,” she continued with the joke, expecting this to be too far, but this also showed her that Jason liked dark humor, and she did too.

He burst out laughing at this, and she smiled.

“You have perfect teeth, Jason.”

“Is that what you’re focused on?” he asked.

“They are the forefront when you smile, it is hard not to.”

“Romantic,” he mocked her.

“I can be more romantic next date, if you want it,” she said, inclined towards him saying I want it. She was right.

“I want it.”

[artsyt0ast]

My top 5 Redacted audios (sfw version)

Okay, well I was tagged by @amberyartsy​ , I however can’t tag anyone else now ‘:) (cause everyone I know has already been tagged) 1: Lunch With a Sweet Himbo Earth Elemental Bro  It was my first ever redacted video and I woke up in the middle of it. I wasn’t into asmr and I had no idea what the hell asmr rps were, but this was literally a perfect introduction and just what i needed at that time. :))  2: Your Werewolf Boyfriend Finds You Having a Panic Attack This one very quickly threw it self up onto my top five... I get some bad panic  attacks sometimes, so this video literally made me feel so safe and cared for. It warms my heart every time I load it up.  3: Cuddles and Confessions with Your Vampire Mate  I find myself coming back to this video more often then I’d like to admit. (probably cause I’m a sucker for slow burns and this was nice and soft) It’s certainly an audio that I love with all my heart. 

4: Sleep Aid From Your Sweet Bakadere Daemon [Sleep Aid] It’s very soft. It was the first sleep aid I listened to on the channel, and it’s wonderful and warm (and I was extremely called the fuck out by a lot of the stuff in that video). I just love Caelum and I would love to bake with him.  5: Unwinding After a Long Day with Your Chaotic Pizza Guy Boyfriend  Yeah this is another one that shot up onto this list. Guy is probably one of my  favorite unempowered men on the channel. He’s very fun to listen to and I love the relationship that Guy and Honey have. :’) Honorable mentions (in no direct order because I love too many of these boys):  -Dragged to Back to Bed By Your Sweet Boyfriend [Sleep Aid] -Your Demon Finally Tells You The Truth  -Dragging Your Overworked Tsundere Boss Boyrfriend to Bed [Sleep Aid] -Sweet Himbo Earth Elemental Bro Confesses His Feelings For You [Friends to Lovers]  -Dreamwalker Boyfriend Saves You From a Nightmare - The Cost  -Sleepy Cuddles and Kisses With Your Needy Boyfriend - Yandere Boyfriend Comforts You After a Nightmare  -Helping Your Werewolf Boyfriend Shift Again [Reverse Comfort] - Listening In On Your Boyfriend’s Thoughts  -Comforted By Your Demon [Slow Burn]  There were so many more that I wanted to put down, my fingers were just getting tired of typing lmao 

[82mkl]

pretty sure (lee jeno)

lowercase intended. not proofread.

note: okay when i said i had a lot of drabbles, i mean two... lmao. i have other writings here but these are series, but i want to post it once i finish writing the whole thing or even half of it, so updates wont be slow. i have three pending writings tho might write it later. im open for requests now, but dont expect for fast updates, but i’ll try my best to do it (except smut).

“jeno is over there, go say hi,” jennie nudges my arm. “are you kidding me? no way!” i roll my eyes as we walk the hallway. you see, lee jeno has been your crush for about two years now, but you never shoot your shot. how could you? he’s the school’s ‘it boy’ as what they would call him. he also had a reputation of ignoring every girl that would confess to him. why would you even risk not ever speaking to him again even though you never had a conversation— well maybe except for that one time he accidentally spilled his soda on you.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry,” jeno says, immediately taking his jacket off and handing it to you. “it’s fine. no need for that,” you tell him, trying not to stutter, trying your best not to look at him. “it’s fine, take it,” you look at him and here he is giving you the puppy eyes. oh god, why is he so beautiful? “it’s fine. i’ll just go home, it’s 5 minutes away from here anyway.” before you could walk away, you hear him talk, “i’m really sorry, y/n!” he knows your name. the lee jeno knows your name. you chuckle, and looked at his soda bottle, “you should probably not drink soda this early morning though, it’s bad for you,” your eyes widen at what you just said. you quickly look at him and he has this confused look on his face, so you immediately left— you messed up.

“come on! just wave at him,” jennie teases. “he probably thinks i’m some weird girl, no way!” “jesus, have some courage y/n!” yeri tells you. you look at jeno one last time— maybe you stared a little, and he catches you doing so. you panicked and just gave him a wave. you notice his group of friends laughing at him when they see you, so you hurried out the hallway. fuck. his group knows you like him. you’re pretty sure they do.

“so, ms. soda girl waved at you,” haechan teases. jeno rolls his eyes, “shut up, donghyuck.” “why don’t you just go talk to her?” jaemin asks. “i spilled soda over her at six in the morning, she hates me, i’m pretty sure she does,” jeno tells them. “you should have walked her home and offered to grab some lunch. you missed a great opportunity,” haechan tells him. “for a pretty smart student like you, you are so slow when it comes to love. how long have you liked her again?” renjun asks. 4 years. it’s been four years since he liked you, and he messed it up. he’s pretty sure you will never reciprocate his feelings now. heck, you probably might not even want to talk to him— look at how you hurried out the hallway. he’s pretty sure you hate him.

[paddymoonstruck]

𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬┃𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫

chapter two

warnings: season 4/manga spoilers, mentions and depictions of death, death, war, cursing, angst, eren being an asshole 

word count: 6,406

notes: PROCEED WITH CAUTION major season four/manga spoilers ahead !!! ALSO — I’ve read the last chapter and bestie lmao — i just wanted to pour the dread I felt by posting this chapter since it is also vv sad!!!!  ENJOY THOUGH !!!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER/S: moodboard/prologue, one 

𝐢'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐮𝐩 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞

A malicious smirk curled upon the lips of a certain brunette, head peaking from the corner of a concrete housing. His bright, turquoise irises scanned the friend group of his intended target, arms linked one after the other, walking towards to door that led to the hallway of the dorms. 

“Eren, is this really necessary?” Armin whispered beside Eren, his voice shook in the slightest as he watched the bunch near the door. 

Eren scoffed, nodding his head firmly, never taking his eyes off of them. “It wouldn’t have to be if she didn’t pour salt on my oatmeal earlier . . .” The frown that decorated his face was fleeting, the scheming glint present again, as anticipation bubbled in his stomach.

Devon Janea stretched her hand out, placing in on the metal knob, she laughed along to what ever Sasha and Nifa were chatting about. Her palm twisted the knob, giving it a light push. A soft clank ticked above her head, followed by the liquid  icy flow that took her awhile to recognize as water. It cascaded from her head down to her boots. 

Both of her companion let out a gasp, pulling the wooden bucket that had fallen on their friend’s head. 

Eren’s smirk, shifted into a series of baffling hysterics, his gaze pointed at the now soaking wet Survey Corps uniform of Devon. Her golden brown locks dampened, turning them a shade darker. 

Despite the numbing sensation of Devon’s body, she managed to catch wind of someone laughing annoyingly loud. Her suspicions were confirmed as her vision landed on an elated piece of shit kneeling on the ground, clutching his stomach a few feet away from them. 

She made eye contact with a pair of ocean eyes as she looked up, which immediately swam in mercy. If she wasn’t freezing to death, she would’ve laughed at the fear on Armin’s face but she was able to comprehend was the desire to crush Eren Yeager’s skull into ash. 

“Oi, Yeager!” She bellowed, unclipping her soiled cape from her back. 

“You’re gonna get it now . . .” Nifa mumbled, earning an enthusiastic giggle from Sasha.

Eren stood from his place, chortling toned down to occasional chuckles, he crossed his arms to his chest, observing Devon’s shaking form as she approach him. 

The exasperated expression that had morphed itself on her face never wavering. Her drenched footwear squelched under the Earth’s pressure. “You have five seconds to tell me why — oh why you did that.” 

Apparently, the seething irritation Devon carried in her tone triggered Eren’s funny-bone because not a second later, stupid laughs poured away from his very much punchable mouth. 

It was short-lived, however — since Devon’s patience had ran thin and next thing everyone knew, her arm swung back, fist colliding painfully against Eren’s abdominal area, producing a clean booming crunch. 

A series of oof’s can be heard behind her which she could’ve guessed were a few people who had came to witness this brawl that occurred quite frequently much to their squad captains’ displeasure.

He had stumbled back a few inches, ass meeting the soil. The agonized groan that escaped his lips were a blessing to Devon’s ears, and her eyes feast at the same suffering that contorted his face. 

Armin instantly came to his side, eyes wide in panic. 

Wringing her moistened hair in both hands, she raised an eyebrow as she saw Armin’s pleading eyes. “Don’t give me that look — “ She scorned, a mocking smile dressed her features. “He’s the idiot that came at me.”

Eren shot her a murdering daggers. “You started it!” 

A child — an immature child —

“Excuse me?” Devon questioned, hands settling on her hips. 

“You ruined my breakfast!” His voice boomed inspite the pain shooting at his stomach.

Devon pondered his words, brows furrowing in thought. Just then, a memory flashed between her eyes, producing an inelegant snort from her mouth.

A hand came to cup her lips instantly, doing little to conceal the blooming grin that had appeared.

“Oh, that.” She affirmed, voice filled with mirth. “In my defense, you kept kicking my leg for no reason— so—”

A foot after the other, she strided towards the boy who had now gotten off the ground, fists clenched at either sides. Regardless of the noticeable difference in their height, Devon stood tall, as she looked up at Eren.

“—technically, you started it . . .” She narrowed her eyes, staring at Eren’s equally annoyed ones.

Almost half a minute passed, the open courtyard remained quiet as both Scouts stared in each other down as if waiting for one of them to disintegrate into nothing but ash.

However, A firm cutting tsk made everyone flinch. Devon and Eren seem to stumbled back onto reality, goosebumps rising on their arms.

Both snapped their heads to the terrifyingly familiar sound and behold— with a deep scowl resting on his usually neutral face, Captain Levi tapped his foot next to the sploch of wetness on the ground.

His sharp glare cutting through the babbling Scouts in the middle of the scene. From the fair amount of distance, they were sure the Captain noticed their shaking figures.

“It wasn—”

“She di—”

The Captain’s raised palm silenced both the excuses that came rushing out their mouths, clamping them shut in a split millisecond.

“Both of you—” He started, teeth gritting as he spoke. “No one gets a speck of lunch until you’ve cleaned this up.”

Resigned huffs and nods were their response, head hung low but burning glare for one another remained.

Her clammy hands clutched the fabric in a tighter vice, closed palms beginning to shake at the emotions that had invaded her mind.

Devon Janea was once again in a position she had promised herself to never indulge in— but as her eyes bore into the green cloth that held the symbol of freedom, her eyes began to sting, teeth in a compacted clench, causing a dull ache to reside in her mouth— an ache she couldn’t dare feel due to the greater torment, the object in her hands brought.

It was her old Scouts cape. She had kept it when they had announced the reinvention of the Survey Corps uniform. The cape meant a great deal to her yet every time she laid her eyes on it, nearly nothing joyful popped in her mind.

She despised the idea of hating this piece fabric— she hated it— but she somehow felt the need to.

All of the things that happened to her– good or bad, her cape hung on her shoulders and bore witness.

It was there— this old thing.

It was there when they went to battle mindless Titan’s outside of the walls. It was there when every stage of fear shot through her system every single time her squad-mates met their cruel demise.

In the times where she cried for her fallen comrades until the sun rose, she had hugged this piece of fabric to her chest, muffling her outmost despair.

It was there when she fell victim to Eren’s pranks and their childish fights. This was present in the time she had felt an outrageous amount of bliss regardless of the situation in the outside world– a time where all she thought about was surviving, with them.

But now— it was . . . gloomy.

A distant call from outside her window caught her attention and she immediately got to her feet, observing the armor that decorated her body. It was far from what they used to wear but nonetheless more efficient for their current predicament.

They were fighting humans now.

She had never thought this day would see the light but assumptions can always be shifted, can’t they?

It was baffling to her how they’d need more advanced and heavier equipment when it came to war against people in comparison to the weapons and wardrobe they utilized with Titans.

Big, scary, man-eating giants.

Her younger self would most probably shudder in fear if she saw her now. She’d ask her all these question in order to make sense of her actions and most likely pretend she understood when in fact, she’s been thinking of ways to turn her over onto a brighter leaf. 

As she tried to imitate a happy smile she used to carry, she could almost see her other self seething at the fabricated action. She gripped the straps of her black uniform, the material fitted like a second skin but very comfortable to move around in. 

With a last shake out of her doubtful thoughts, she grabbed the green cloak from the floor, hooking it across her chest while she ran down and into hell.

Time seemed to pass by quickly — that or Devon has been spacing out now and then as Commander Hange was explaining the plan of action. The parts Devon had caught irked her. 

“We’ll have to cover for Eren as much as we can . . .” Hange’s tired, but firm mutter echoed in the airship that has been prepared by Zeke Yeager and his most gracious disciples. 

“We have to assume that he’ll cause damages and openly declare war,” The commander nodded at them, her gaze flickered from one scout to another that surrounded the table in the middle of the room. “Jean, Connie, Sasha and Floch — watch out for enemies over at the west. Take half of Levi’s squad with you.” 

Devon watched the circle of her comrades as she rested her body on a nearby wall, eyes fleeting to Hange as she caught her gaze. 

“Devon,” The commanding tone in her voice caught Devon’s attention. “You and Mikasa are to find Eren — and once you do, keep close and make sure to have your eyes on him at all times.”

If it wasn’t for Devon’s self-proclamation to shut up and do as she’s told without complaints,, she would’ve jumped out this flying balloon hours ago. But, she matched Hange’s stoic glare, a nod confirming her cooperation was enough for the commander to continue her discussion.

In the corner of her eye, she could spot a figure walking towards her. She kept her gaze forward, clearing her throat once the said figure had stopped beside her.

“If you want to smack Eren, I won’t stop you,”

Be this a normal situation, Devon would no doubt laugh at Levi’s sudden statement. She twisted her neck to face him, she’s met with those steel, cool stare.

“I know.” She affirmed, folding her hands back, hiding the fidgeting of her fingers that had no plan on stopping until they’ve left this depressing island. “Maybe I will slap him later . . .”

She saw Captain Levi nodding along to her words, and despite not exactly saying anything else, Devon appreciated the random interaction that somehow calmed her nerves a little. 

The minutes of Hange talking was the only sound bouncing through the walls were indeed just minutes.

A deafening roar quaked the skies, Devon’s eyes shutting, hands coming up to cup her ears at the loud volume. 

Show time.

She stumbled at the front of the airship, hands finding support of its walls, her head peaked out the scene through the window. 

There he was. 

Or it.

The enormous Titan stood at an intimidating form of 15 meters, baring his muscled back to them. His roars continued to pierce their ear, making them flinch each time it rattled their hearing.

“There’s no time to waste!” Captain Levi’s command came riddling through all the commotion. “To your stations!” 

With that, the scouts saluted, each scrambling to get their equipment together as fast as they can. Devon instantly ran to her gear, hooking it around her waist. Her hands reached to take a hold of approximately ten thunderspears. The supposedly cool metal laid feverish on her palm but decided ignore it and resume to securing the heavy weapons on her shoulder.

Another angry roar and a series of frightened screams rattled her nerves yet she refused to waver at the thought of the situation outside.

“Mikasa,” Devon called, the attention of the raven haired girl turned to her, nodding. “C’mon, let’s finish this.”

Fire — blood — screams — explosions.

The list was dreadfully endless. With Mikasa to her right, they swung above the unfathomable condition of the town. Devon tried to avoid looking below but agonizing wails were impossible to ignore. 

She knew it would be a mistake to succumb to the temptation and just peak downwards. Beyond the apathetic eyes she had been giving nowadays, was that frightened little girl hidden behind Wall Rose. 

Looking down would mean remembering. 

It was unclear whether or not she opposed to it or not. Does she truly want to revisit that horrible time in her life in a crucial time like this?

“Don’t.”

Her thoughts lurched back at Mikasa’s sudden intrusion. Devon felt her eyes burn at the side of her face, urging her to return the gaze. Mikasa had a glint of tenderness in her eyes as she stared at Devon.

“Looking won’t help anyone.” As if she had read Devon’s mind, had her thinking if her conflicted thoughts showed on her face as well. 

“It won’t.” She agreed, exhaling a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding. “Stand on that pillar, try to catch Eren’s attention — I’ll do the same on the that building at the left. Be careful not to be noticed by anyone else.”

The order came flying out of her mouth as Eren’s Titan form became more prominent to their vision. Mikasa swung to the direction Devon had ordered, leaving the latter to advance to her position. 

Devon’s boots slid on the worn down roof of a house, fragile bricks now easy to pick apart, resembling a puzzle containing several missing pieces. She stalked towards the edge of the roof, squatting down to uselessly watch the treacherous scene unfold in front of her. 

Eren turned, his eyes skimming through the civilians aimlessly racing away from him. Devon noticed how the large titan spun his head towards the right.

She had to squint to confirm that he did, in fact acknowledge Mikasa’s presence. A sigh of relief escaped her as she was sure of the exchange. 

Past her relief was a gash of radiant light amongst the cauldron dark covered skies. Her eyes could hardly accommodate the brightness that invaded her sights but she could make out a form of a skeleton, slowly evolving with flesh. 

She stumbled back at the thunderous punch the creature caught on its face. The tissues that haven’t fully developed yet squashed against Eren’s gigantic fist. Devon’s resistance to look away increased, with the amount of blows Eren delivered to the primitive titan as it wriggled uselessly below him.

A shot of a rifle snapped her attention away from the ongoing uproar to the source of the sudden gunshot. The thick layers of fog beneath the houses made it difficult to spot anything from where she sat.

At that moment, she hoped that Sasha and the others were able to place signal lights to ensure the clearance of enemies. She swayed her head hoping to catch a glimpse at anything suspicious from that direction but she was met with darkness and smog. 

Devon gasped, hand abruptly clutching at the end of the roof as the ground trembled, followed by a loud groan which brought her attention back to Eren.

Her eyes widened at his state. His stomach now impaled in the center by a large pointy crystal lifting his limp body in the air. The titan seemed to have completed it’s transformation as it now stood, smoke seeping out of its shoulder, waiting for its arms to grow back. 

She had never seen anything quite like it, despite being able to witness numerous unbelievable things in her days. The titan seemed to possess to ability to create structures using hardening, allowing it to make to spike it used to pierce Eren. 

The strength this Titan possessed chilled her blood, instinctively look towards Mikasa. Luckily, she had her eyes on her too. And beyond the disaster, the distress that covered her features relaxed as Mikasa brought her palm up as a symbol to wait.

She turned her head back, fists balling tighter as the Titan grew a hammer on her hand, clutching the long handle. Devon repressed the urge to step in as it barreled the object towards an unmoving Eren, successfully smashing the crystal altogether. 

Devon’s panic simmered down as a slightly smaller version of Eren’s titan emerged amidst the smoke. 

Continuous flashes of light and booms of canons interrupted the fleeting solace Devon felt. Somehow, with all of those heavy weaponry, she was finally able to see the series of soldiers lined up nearly in front of Eren.

She saw his fingertips turn icy, incasing them in Titan hardening as he came up to cup his nape. He growled at his attackers, not noticing how to white fleshed titan swung back its hammer. He turned too late, only being able to provide his arms as a weak protectant. 

Devon’s patience wore thin as she merely continued to watch as Eren was rid of his hands. 

“The War Hammer Titan is a monster!” A joyful screech amongst the gloomy atmosphere pierced her ears.

War Hammer 

“That’s what it’s called . . .” She muttered to herself, scowling at the name. “How corny.”

“It’s really going to finish off!”

Whoever it was, Devon wanted nothing more than to shut them up. Anxiety welled up inside her as the War Hammer Titan raised its weapon again, slowing as a figure — Eren  — resurfaced from his Titan form.

She couldn’t help the feeling of a hefty weight being lifted out from her shoulders as she set eyes on his figure. 

“Usurper, Eren Yeager,” The War Hammer spoke. “Do you have any last words?”

Although she could only see his back, a long inhale propelled her lips. 

“Now or never, Mikasa.”

Loud and clear, Devon waited for it. As signaled, Mikasa’s form came rushing in the scene, almost too fast to be caught by the naked eye. She raised her arms, plowing a hefty sequence of thunderspears in the air and into the War Hammer’s neck, slotting it perfectly. 

The release of the clip prompted its ear-splitting eruptions, blowing off its nape. Mikasa spun her body, eyes spotting Devon’s, an understanding nod between the two was exchanged and that was all it took.

She went off flying towards Eren, her heart pounding louder into her ears as she grew closer to his form. Before she could muster anything to say, Eren spoke.

“You guys actually came. . .” 

Despite the lack of emotion on his face, Devon could hear the faint surprise in his tone. An unknown feeling of displeasure spanned on her chest as she examined the side of Eren’s face.

She noted the few but undeniably noticeable changes in his appearance compared  to the last time she has seen him, reminding her of the many days they have been apart. His hair had grown past his shoulders, little stubbles have made it’s on his upper lip and — she would love to be wrong . . . she hopes she was because if she wasn’t mistaken, the vibrant turquoise hue in his eyes had dimmed into a spiritless pair of orbs.

The frown on her face didn’t falter, choosing to finally respond to him, “They were worried about you.” The admission seemed half-hearted yet she felt the need to tell him that in the moment. 

“Eren,” In other circumstances, the hammering in her chest would absolutely delight her, but the one she was currently having flooded her with outmost dread, eyes piercing in to Eren’s own. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

Devon found herself crouching beside him, as if he wouldn’t hear him if she stood. “You’ve murdered all these people —” She had to stop speaking, aiding the ache of her mouth as the words dawned to her. “No amount of reasoning could save you from this." 

The heavy sigh she released helped lightened the tightness on her chest, looking at her feet, the heat of Eren’s Titan flesh seeping through her body. 

“Eren,” The tense exchange was cut short as Mikasa landed beside Devon, calling his attention. “Please, let’s go home . . .”

“It’s not over yet.” At his claim, both girls’ features morphed into confusion.

“What —” Devon’s eyes widened, stopping the query on her tongue. “Motherfucker — “

The ground rumbled along with the rise of the War Hammer Titan.  Slowly, it started getting up, its palm pressing against its head, pushing it back onto the body effortlessly.

“That’s impossible!” The incredulous tone Mikasa expressed was no different from the look that Devon gave to astonishing incident playing before their eyes. “I blew off its nape!”

“And I crushed it with all my strength,” Eren added, his monotone voice unwavering as he studied the titan. 

“Mikasa!” Devon’s body acted before her mind, eyes laying on the sparks blossoming on thee Titan’s hand, a crossbow has come to life. 

As an instinct, she grabbed Eren, a hand coming up to his waist, the other pointing her ODM gear at the first concrete she looked at. She fired the equipment, grapple shooting out. When it hooked on the infrastructure, she wasted no time to tug Eren out of the titan flesh and onto the air with her, just in time before the arrow hit their previous place. 

It had been several minutes since the Scouts retreated back into the airship. Eren was able to devour the War Hammer, nearly getting to the Jaw Titan if it wasn’t for Reiner Braun’s unexpected appearance.

 The loud cheers resonated along the walls, bouncing back outside as they celebrated a mission success.

Devon would be lying if she said she doesn’t feel the uneasiness leaving her chest, as her head weaved through the crowd, eyeing everyone’s condition. 

Thankfully, no one was hurt, perhaps a bit of cuts and scratches but besides that, they were all well. 

A smile slithered it’s way to her lips, watching her comrades. Floch leads the bunch, raising his fist in the air. “It’s a huge victory! The New Eldians Empire ends in victory!” He declared, earning gleeful shouts of affirmation. 

His words, however, stabbed Devon back into a harsh reality, face twisting into a crestfallen frown. Determined to keep her thoughts at bay, glanced to the side, finding Jean, Connie and Sasha huddled close to the open door.

She sauntered to them, resting on her knees to be at their level. “I’m so glad you’re all safe . . .” She muttered, a grateful gleam in her eyes sparkled, throwing her arms around the three. 

Sasha, being at the middle, curled both her hands  around Devon’s waist, the other two doing the same in their respective side. 

Connie, of course, had to clap back at the intimate moment, mumbling against Devon’s shoulder. “You smell like shit, Janea . . .”

They laughed, shoulders shaking. Devon extended her arm to smack Connie behind his head, making the latter flinch but grin as he spotted the glare she sent him. 

“You’re one to talk,” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You look like shit.”

He stuck his tongue out, shaking his head at the brunette. Said brunette merely smirked before standing, landing a soft pat at each of their heads. “Good job, guys . . . I’ll just go check on Eren.” 

They nodded simultaneously, understanding the look on Devon’s face as she turned back towards the hallway but not before hearing Sasha’s enthusiastic yell.

“Let’s celebrate and eat a lot when we get home!”

Devon looked back over her shoulder, flashing her a bright grin and nodded. “I call pork stew!” She laughed, heart warming at Sasha’s beaming smile.

As she went on her way, wooden flooring creaked beneath the weight of her boots, approaching the men contained in the area. Her eyes wandered down, noting how Eren was sat on the floor, a scout pointing a gun at him while Captain Levi glared right through his soul.

“Captain,” She announced her presence, garnering closer to them, inclining her head as a sign of respect

Levi didn’t look away, “Cheer up,” He spat instead, “Everything happened like you wanted,”

Maybe it was her buzzing mind, or the overall exhaustion finally catching up to her. But until she followed their gaze, she didn’t notice Zeke Yeager perched on the wall at the end of the hall, steam leaching out from where his missing limbs were once attached. 

“Jenea,” At Levi’s voice, Devon snapped up to meet his eyes. “Bind him with this,”

Before she could react, Levi had thrust a wheeled rope on her hands, leaving her with no choice but to grip the braided strands. She didn’t get a chance to respond, seeing the Captain and his fellow squad member exit the room.

Suddenly, Devon recalls the short exchange she had with Levi before leaping into battle, The thought caused her to peer down at the same person that was their topic of interest was now at her hostage. 

Eren was already staring back at her, making her eyes narrow the longer she looked into his. The turmoil sprouting at her conscience wasn’t a pleasant indication. Yet, she shut her eyes for a moment hoping to calm her aggression.

When she felt it was enough, she opened them back up, swiveling her head to Eren’s direction. He had his wrists offered to her, beckoning her to get to it. 

Without a word spoken, Devon crouched down and began to swathe his hands together, placing a cloth between his palms to prevent him from slashing himself. 

“I’m not going to turn into a titan in an airship.”

Devon kept her concentration at the knot she was forming, grasped pulling against the binds, further restraining his movements.

“You’ll never know,” She whispered, retaining her hands on his wrist despite accomplishing her task.

The silence was unbearable, yet Devon resisted the impulsive sentences bunching up her mouth. She wanted him to say something— anything that could possibly tame the anger she had for him.

Flickering lights on the hallway continued, baring the stiff aura that pattered heavily upon the narrow space. Devon and Eren very much indulged in their staring contest.

It was akin to glasses at the edge of the table, waiting for one to finally fall and shatter into microscopic pieces.

As aggravating as the soundless room is, Devon’s pride was far too great to break it, eyes boring into the orbs she once adored. She began to think to herself of the things that might have happened for Eren to be brought back to her this lifeless.

The more time she invested looking at him, the wrenched ache in her chest became torturous. She wasn’t entirely aware what came over her, but her hand was already poised up in the air, her palm connecting against Eren’s cheek.

A graciously blaring slap, echoed against the room, probably heard around the whole airship. His head banging into the wall next to him, relishing the strength of the contact

Even being the one to strike, Devon’s hand burned at the impact, making hiss, the other hand shooting up to soothe her stinging palm.

Her eyes were blurry when she looked back to Eren, cheek had started to redden. All the reserved attitude she had been building up the whole day demolished simply by entertaining Eren Yeager’s presence.

She knew it wouldn’t be pleasant but she failed to recognize exactly how distressing it would be. Her chest was heaving, palm clawing at the skin, hoping for the ache to lighten.

“Devon,”

She was wrong. The initial thought of having him talk flew out her mind when she finally heard his voice. In the quite space they stood in, it seemed annoying loud. Despite merely whispering her name, it was like he had yelled in her ear, which made her cover them as she was currently doing.

“No—” Her voice shook, failing to maintain the authority in her tone. “Shut the fuck up, Yegear.”

She spun on her heel, turning her back on him, rolling her head up to gaze at the wooden ceiling. Her breath was still uneven as she exhaled, running a trembling hand along her locks.

“Wha–what did you hope to achieve?” She asked, pouring out frustration at every word. “I really want to understand— just please . . .”

I don’t want to hate you, she wanted to say but decided against it. Deeming the phrase inappropriate for the situation.

Without even having her eyes on him, Eren was well aware of her raging desperation. He knew why she was insistent and what exactly she wanted from him.

But all he had to say was, “It’s for everyone’s safety.”

If Devon was a volcano, she would’ve exploded right then and there. The bubbling vexation coursing through her veins made her head spin.

“Never in my life . . . and I mean never — have I despised a phrase as much!” She chuckled, no humor could be detected in the smile she flashed Eren when she turned around. “Is that it? Does that make all of this— justifiable?” 

The blaze looming up her throat whenever she became a tad mindful of his eyes were indescribable. It infuriated her as she took in the state of the pair. So much that she felt to need to shield them from her vision. 

“I don’t know what else you’re asking of me.” 

At his blunt statement, Devon had difficulties deciphering which of her swirling emotions she wanted to project due to the outrage and melancholy submerging her sane conscience. 

The little energy she had left prompted her to merely gape at his slouched figure, knotted wrists sat patiently at his lap. She lost the ability to make sense of his actions as his glare punctured her soul, sending an uncomfortable twinge in her heart.

“What happened to you?” Her hand slid to her neck, rubbing soothing circles to aid her shuddering tone. “I was angry the night before we came here . . . and even then, I still hoped for your safety— I hated that you left but I continued to believe that you had a good motive,” She willed herself to keep her eyes on him despite the impending urge to do otherwise. “But seeing you now — I’m beginning to doubt your stand in all of this . . .” 

Being honest was something she wanted to do, even if she was in no way prepared for Eren’s response. She had to let him know as much as she needed proper answers to the swarm of questions she had thrown at him. 

She touched her shoulder, wringing out the knot that was starting to form, as she ignored the noticeable tremble of her fingers. “You showed no mercy to anyone in this city — “

“No one deserved mercy — “

“Not even those children?” She was quick to surface the topic again, wide eyed as she awaited his reply. 

It was one that made her heart stop, breath hitched at her throat. 

“We were children too when something similar to this happened, weren’t we?” The way he delivered his question with no anger, but pure confusion halted Devon’s arguments, instead opting to study his expressions.

He spoke of nothing else but truth. They were children when Wall Maria was breached by the Armored Titan. In spite of not being a resident of that town, she was coincidently present when it occurred.

A dangerous chill cascaded along her spine at the memory of her younger sister. The image burned into her skull for eternity, how her little body got brutally smashed by a massive concrete that wiped out every thing in the perimeter she was standing on.

Devon lived with the regret of not being beside her, and letting her run further ahead without knowing it would be the sole cause of her demise. 

“And we weren’t at fault just like those children.” Her resolve quaked in the slightest but she stood her ground. “They didn’t have any idea what was happening — They were just as clueless as us . . .”

Exhaustion was taking over Devon’s sight, far too tired to have a sensible conversation with Eren except the stubborn part of her refused to waver. 

“Will you really no tell me?” Her persistence was starting to sound desperate, as she searched his eyes for the tiniest bit of sparkle she used to admire. Eyes drooped, her hands tugged at the rope on his wrists, pulling him closer as if she’d see what she was seeking in this proximity. 

She nearly smacked herself at how foolish her thoughts had become. Perhaps it came from the perplexing sentiments she had for the brunette, those sleepless nights her mind wandered to him, as she sat on her bed waiting for him to make his way back. 

Devon had buried emotions she deemed improper, and became more secluded when Eren left. She barely opened up to any of her close friends, fixing her face into a defaulted smile at times she felt the most unwell. 

To see Eren give her the look she had been dealing with every time she stared at her reflection shoved her into a state of panic, immediately ambushing him with questions she knew would go unanswered. 

With a deep sigh, she dropped her hand from its place, resting it on her side. “Alright . . . it would be a few hours until we reach Parad — “

A powerful bang startled them, Devon’s heart lurching on her chest as it had dawned to her that it was a gunshot. She stood rigid, unable to function despite the sudden commotion happening just behind the door at her right. 

Fear rippled through her system as the furious yells turned into desperate pleas. Her throat ran dry at the single name a mix of voices shouted.

“SASHA!”

That fear was physically resurfaced as her palms suddenly felt damp, blood turning sickeningly cold. She eventually willed herself to snap out of it, grabbing the doorknob, almost flinching at the freezing kiss on her fingertips.

Too occupied by her thoughts, she hadn’t realized, she had pushed the door open until Connie’s deafening yell broke her cloudy mind.

“DEVON—” Her eyes snapped towards the panicked voice, unable to ignore it. A wish for it all to go away was the first thing that came to her as she eyed the fimilliar head of reddish brown hair that laid unmoving on the floor.

She struggled to react, helplessly trudging towards Sasha. “Sasha—” A shake at the shoulder was her initial response, shock still fresh in her mind. “Hey— Sasha! Hold on, okay? Stay with me—” Devon’s palm snaked to grasp Sasha’s, pressing harder, hoping to transfer some of her warmth to her terrifyingly algid skin.

Devon’s lips came down to where their hands were connected, breathing tepid blows onto Sasha’s palm.

“Nico—”

Hope sparked in Devon’s chest at the sound of Sasha’s hoarse voice, deflating the moment she notcied the severity of her condition.

“Is dinner ready?” The sob Devon released pained her commarades as they watched on, tears falling from their eyes as well.

“Sasha— Sasha . . .” Devon’s pleas grew hopless, as she delivered an impervious squeeze on her palm. “Please— don’t leave me . . .”

Sasha’s name spilled from her lips repeatedly, noticing the delirious swarm in her eyes, knuckles bathed in unceasing downpour of hurt dripping from her green orbs.

An unbelievablely excruciating pang barreled on her chest, as she felt the weak grasp of Sasha’s hand turn limp on her own.

“N— NO! PLEASE . . .” Fright surged on her bones, shaking hands slamming onto Sasha’s shoulders. Devon shook her still form, movements lumbered due to the amount of tears clouding her vision. The headache she had earlier worsened terrible, as it was forced to process the horrific scene laid out in front of her.

The tips of her fingers felt numb, as she caressed Sasha’s freezing skin, index and middle digit crawling up the side of her neck, gently searching for her pulse.

Although hope was wearing thin, she still found the strength to press at the spot, pausing for a second before shaking her head.

Connie’s hand that was applying pressure to the gaping wound on her abdomen loosen, as he drew in a sharp breath.

Jean, still having his ears shielded by his palms, had found the courage to turn around to see a heartbreaking image that will surely be imprinted on his brain for all eternity.

A series of loud cries erupted around her, making her realize that she had stopped weeping. The weight on her chest still unbearable yet she felt far too numb to acknowledge it.

Her eyes drifted to the door she had been in before the tragic accident, disappointment bubbling up her throat, not at Eren but at herself because even then, she couldn’t bring herself to be angry at him.

A single question hung lax of the fragments of her wits.

Why?

Why did Eren choose to do what he did? Why did Sasha have to be a victim of this monstrosity?

No doubt, this war was to further worsen, Sasha won’t be the last one to suffer the end of this bargain.

The fire of unwavering adherence set ablaze in her remaining morals, determined to unseal Eren’s true motives for his repeated sentiment; for everyone’s safety.

Eren was not an enemy, but he does serve as a threath if he continues to feed them obscure reassurances that might put them in a danger like this. The enemy was the thoughts boiling in his head, caging him alone with those possibly sinister notions.

Devon had a great hunch that Eren gives vague answers because he was hinding something important, a plan he knew they wouldn’t agree on.

Perhaps it was her drained sanity thinking, but Devon have passed the stage of giving a damn as she let the thought worm into her brain.

If she can’t beat the enemy, she would have to join them.

[whootwhoot]

»»— 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘬𝘦𝘪 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 "あなたの笑顔、あなたの目。" —««

- characters: tsukishima kei 

- series: haikyuu

- genre: fluff, mutual pining 

- “あなたの笑顔、あなたの目。” tsukishima kei x reader one shot 

- (author’s note: uwu im posting again lmAO, since its almost Christmas so i thought i’d do something related ^^ lowkey though im happy with what i wrote for this one, tsukki describes my feeling when i see my crush 😳 i hope yall enjoy, and yeah i’ll put the banner up later)

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“Irasshaimase!” 

The familiar aroma of freshly brewed coffee hits Tsukishima upon his arrival at the cafe nearby. As much as he wouldn’t admit it, he’s visiting this shop more and more often recently. The coffee they serve here is top tier, so are the desserts, but much to his denial there is that one specific reason for why he couldn’t stop coming. 

“Tsukki!! The regular?”

“Yes.” Tsukishima’s shoulder tenses when you call him by his nickname, a nickname given and only used by his close childhood friend, he wonders if your enthusiasm means that you were waiting for him.

The cheery barista slides their finger across the screen of the cash register before whispering while giving a wink towards the tall blonde male. 

“The slice of strawberry cake is on me.” “On the house actually.” 

“Again?” 

“Anything for my favourite customer.” 

Tsukishima smirks, unable to shake off the warm feeling on his chest.

He’s still not used to the feeling and treatment that you give him. Being someone’s favourite isn’t something that Tsukishima would think of himself, nor others being his. He simply never felt this way before, the unstoppable urge of wanting to see someone, the impulse to crack a random joke, in hopes that they would share their brightest smile.  

To put it simply, You are his favourite. 

Tsukishima slowly walks towards the usual seat he sits in, the one you personally reserved for him. He’s bluffing if he says he didn’t feel anything when you told him that. You reserved a special spot? For him no less. 

----

“Hey Tsukki!” “Come here.”

“What’s the matter?” the boy raises an eyebrow while holding his cup of coffee.

“I saved you a spot.”

“You did…?”

“Yeah, I know you don’t like the window seats so I made sure the sun won’t pierce your eyes when you sit here.” 

“Y/n…” 

“Enjoy~ I got to go back to work!” 

----

He watches as another customer orders, watches as you flash the same pretty smile you gave him. There it is again, that feeling in his chest, a warm, vibrant feeling. Tsukishima can't help himself as his mouth slowly curves into a small smile. 

It’s weird for him, since your smile was never meant for him, but when you just smile, the world around him seems to light up for a moment. It was that same sort of fluffy feeling he felt the first time he came to your cafe. 

----

“Irasshaimase!”

It was an ordinary Monday afternoon and Tsukishima was already out of breath from working since this morning. 

“Hi there! What can I get for you sir?”

He took out his wallet and frowned.

“A cup of Latte.” 

“Will that be all…?”

He said nothing and rolled his eyes, it’s lunch hour for most people but for him it’s just time to take a break from a long morning. 

“All right sir, that would be 4 dollars.” 

Upon receiving the receipt from you, he frowned.

“The receipt is wrong, I didn’t order strawberry cake.”

“Oh that? No worries, it’s on me.”

He raised his eyebrows and scowled. “Are you mocking me?”

“Wait no- I mean, of course not!” “That wasn’t my intention at all.” 

You bit your lip and took a deep breath, 

“You look really tired and if people see you leaving this shop looking like the Grinch, they’re going to think I’m a bad owner.” 

“The Grinch?”

“You know, the green Christmas dude who doesn’t smile much.” 

He smirks at your description of the character, did he look that bad? 

You return him your warmest smile while motioning your fingers. 

“Hey, you should smile more often! It really draws attention to your pretty eyes.”  

Tsukishima raised his hands to fake a cough in an attempt to cover his slightly pink-ish cheeks, mumbling “Thank you” in the process. 

----

You gently tap Tsukki’s shoulder, his head turns around in an instant and your eyes meet. His scowl replaces with a gentle look and from his golden eyes came a sense of affection. You can see every emotion in someone’s eye, every customer, you’ll know if they’re having a bad day. 

You can’t describe how Tsukki is different but you can see swirls of luminous stars in his eyes, drawing you in more and more. Only you are brave enough to fall in deeper, and with that comes falling in love, deeper and deeper. 

“Y/n?”

“Ops sorry I zoned out.” “Here’s your cake and Latte.” 

“Thanks.” 

You feel your heart ache up as he smiles, you can tell it was genuine, from deep inside to the light in his eyes. As you turn around to leave, to your surprise his hands grips your wrist.

“Oh, sorry!” He retracts his hands and fidgeted with his fingers, a small blush was slightly visible on his cheeks. 

You giggle at the sight of that, and steps closer. Why does he give you butterflies in your stomach when you simply just look at him?

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, nothing…”

“I’ll go then…?” You bite your lips while gesturing with your fingers. 

----

Tsukkishima watches as your smile fades, replacing it was an awkward expression he couldn’t make out… disappointment? 

“Wait!” “Are there any more customers coming?”

“Rush hour is over so probably not much.” 

“Why did you ask?”

“Uhm, oh- sit down.”

“What?”

“I was wondering if we could talk for a moment.”

“Sure!” 

You reply a little too quickly, your heartbeat speeds up as you take a seat next to Tsukishima. He ran his fingers through his hair and set his gaze on the floor.

“So how did you know I liked strawberry cake?” “The first time I came I meant-”

“Gut feeling I guess. Why are you asking this now though?”

“Well, there’s 4 days till Christmas right… I was wondering if you could bake me a cake.”

“Oh yeah… Christmas.” 

The small hope you have shattered into a million pieces, you smile slowly fades from your face, your mouth set in a hard line. 

“Sure, I don’t have any orders from customers anyway.”  “I’ll deliver it or will you come to take it?” 

Tsukishima raises his head and smiles.

“No, I meant if you could come over to my house… and maybe bake my favourite cake together.” 

----

“Is he being serious?”

----

“You’re being serious?” 

“If you don’t have anyone to spend it with actually.” “Ok that sounds horrible but-” 

Your eyes turn glossy as Tsukishima lowers his head. 

“I’m so sorry, I-”

“It’s fine, just…” 

“I know I always seem mad and I'm terrible at expressing stuff, but I can’t help it with you around. Your beautiful smile just makes my day brighter, and when you laugh they sound like a symphony, a chorus in my head, I can never shake off the feelings you give me. Your smile makes me feel like the luckiest person on earth.”  

----

“Tsukki, thank you, and I would love to spend Christmas baking cake with my favourite person in the entire world.” 

His face lights up with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen him with, his eyes seem to glow now, as he opens his arms. It’s an uncomfortable position but you enjoy the warmth of his chest against yours, the way he slowly runs his long fingers in your hair, it feels as if time stops just for the two of you. 

“Excuse me?” a voice rang from the direction of the counter. 

“Oh crap.”

Tsukishima relaxes his grip on you and laughs as you hurriedly rush to take the customer’s order. 

But not before you place a tiny kiss on his cheeks while winking  “I’ll see you soon then, Tsukishima Kei.” 

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(author’s end note: the title means “your smile, your eyes” btw)

[jade-marie]

I didn't watch episode 4 but I saw gifs of Beth yelling at Jane and it got me thinking, what's your view on the Boland kids not being parented?

Lmao you love getting me in trouble🤣

Sorry. It got long but I could rant about this for weeks.

Pre canon and S1

Obviously, we don’t see anything pre canon when it comes to the Boland kids, but you can put together an idea of what their situation was like from the first few episodes. Beth was a SAHM - she made them fancy packed lunches for school, had them enrolled in extra curricular activities, dropped them off/picked them up from school, put them to bed, got them ready etc. She was the main caregiver and Dean was at work. When he came home, he got to be the fun dad.

It seems like they had a decent amount of structure, as far as schedules go, but they’ve never been given any responsibility and didn’t appear to be well disciplined. We had Kenny telling Beth she sucked at math in s1 - something I certainly wouldn’t have gotten away with. Anyway, they had a decent amount of structure and stability, they were used to things being a certain way and that was all disrupted when Dean was kicked out of the house. Then suddenly, Dean was back, but he was sharing a bedroom with Kenny. It doesn’t seem like any of this was really explained to the kids properly or that they were helped through the process, which can have some knock-on effects. 

Throughout Season 2

First episode of S2, Dean was shot. The kids were told that he was mugged and were, understandably, shaken up by the whole thing. Once again, nobody truly comforted or helped them through this process and we started to see the fallout of that. Kenny essentially developed an eating disorder and started bingeing, Jane “ran away from home”. But again, nothing is done about it. Beth says they need to be more present, no phones at dinner, they look into a child therapist, but we don’t ever hear about the kids actually getting therapy even though they desperately need it.

Throughout the season, the structure that they still had in S1 rapidly disappears. It goes from Beth being the main caregiver to her handing the reigns over to Dean in 2.05 and he doesn’t do a good job of it. The house becomes a mess, the kids run wild. This would be a perfect opportunity to start giving the older children some chores, helping to re-introduce structure, but it doesn’t happen. From the kids perspectives, they would notice their mother becoming more and more absent from their lives, missing dance recitals, coming home late, missing dinner, missing bedtime and so Dean is becoming the consistent parent (important for later).

Dean decides to weaponise the children, taking them away from Beth and going to stay with his mother for a while, before going back home. Beth and Dean tell the kids that they’re going to be getting a divorce, obviously that doesn’t happen, again creating quite an unstable environment for them. Effectively, they have a roof over their heads and they’re being fed/clothed, but nobody is actually parenting them. 

Throughout Season 3

At the beginning of S3, with the dealership gone and Beth no longer working for Rio, they have significantly less money. It’s not clear how much of a knock-on effect this had on their extra curricular activities because Jane still has her piano lessons and Kenny has hockey. Beth’s taking them to the park a lot, it’s also not clear whether this is simply because she’s stalking Rhea and Marcus or genuinely because the park is a free activity for them. Regardless, they’ve been going to the park enough that it’s no longer fun. The kids really don’t seem to have any structure anymore and, once again, it doesn’t seem like they’ve been receiving any emotional support during what would be a challenging time for any child. 

Dean has gone back to work, Beth is now also working, so Judith steps in to help take care of the kids. She takes things a little bit far, which pisses off Beth, so Judith is quickly removed from the equation. Again - instability. Then we have the fallout between Rhea and Beth, which means Jane can no longer play with her best friend Marcus for (at least from her perspective) absolutely no reason. Again – instability. Fast forward a few weeks, the entire house is emptied so the kids have to go and stay with Judith for an unspecified amount of time. Again – instability. We can play the blame game to decide who is the cause of this instability, but it’s pretty irrelevant. The fact is, the kids lives are being shaken up and nobody is helping them through it.

Beth buys new furniture, the kids come home, it all seems great, and then Dean gets arrested. So now their dad ,who has been the more consistent parent in their lives for the last year, is out of the picture. Once again, nobody is really offering them support during this time. We see Jane asking for her dad, we see the kids talking about how Dean lets them eat by the TV, because they’re missing things which have been consistent for them, and then we finally get to Janes little stand-off with Beth over the remote control.

That is quite clearly the result of her emotional needs going unmet for God knows how long, so she’s acting like a brat. Instead of taking care of and supporting her child, Beth lashes out. I find the editing choice to mute the yelling and playing music over the scene annoying, because it lightens it quite a bit. It’s pretty obvious that Beth was wildly over reacting to the situation, because she was lashing out at a child over things that had nothing to do with Jane. She was stressed about Dean, she was stressed about Fitzpatrick‘s upcoming murder and taking that out on a kid. Yeah, she felt bad and gave her a hug after, but you’ve still got 3/4 kids (is Kenny coming back??) who’ve been emotionally neglected for at least a year. 

Beth’s kids compared to Annie/Ben

We don’t really see a lot of Ben‘s relationship with Greg, it doesn’t seem like he’s a particularly bad parent in any way, Nancy is probably a bit neurotic, but nothing major. Annie, is pretty emotionally stunted and immature, she puts way too much responsibility on Ben, so it’s the complete opposite of Beth. Ben is effectively the grown-up in their relationship, he leaves reminders for his mother to make sure shit gets dealt with and any structure Ben has is structure he’s created for himself.

But at the same time, he trusts his mother and when something is bothering him he actually talks to her. We saw him come out to Annie before Greg and Nancy, he told Annie when he was being bullied. As he gets older, you can see him growing tired of parenting his mother, but I think she’s learning from her mistakes by recognising the way they’ve impacted her son.  I think it’s also important to remember that Ben has been largely unaffected by Annies criminal activities, this is predominantly because she has a shitload of baggage to deal with. 

Beth’s kids compared to Ruby and her kids

As a whole, Ruby‘s kids have been relatively unaffected by her criminal activities. It doesn’t look like they ever had a rigourous schedule of extracurricular activities, but they’ve always had a stable home life. Not financially well off, but happy. We’ve always seen them be respectful, they have boundaries with their parents, they don’t particularly misbehave etc. They just appear to be good kids with good parents. They witnessed Stan being arrested and Sara especially took that quite hard, but she was supported through it. It’s also quite clear that she’s had a good emotional support system throughout her illness and kidney transplant. When she found out that Ruby was up to something shady in S3 and their relationship became strained as a result, she spoke to her mother in a way which was disrespectful, eventually that behaviour was checked. Because Ruby and Stan parent their children.

Beth’s kids compared to Rio/Marcus

From the very first time we were introduced to Marcus, we’ve seen that he’s very polite, very well-balanced and has a good relationship with his dad. We’ve seen Rio patiently instil important lessons in his son, such as cleaning up his messes, being patient and waiting his turn - things which Beth’s kids still don’t understand.

For the most part, Marcus seems to be pretty well shielded from Rio’s criminal activities, which is why I think Marcus was so heavily affected by his dads absence in S3. But, unlike the Boland children, he was emotionally supported through the process by his mother. He went to her for comfort and he received it. When Rio isn’t around, Rhea appears to pick up the slack and ensure Marcus still has some stability.

I think they’ve deliberately contrasted Beth’s kids with the other children on the show. Her children are the only ones who seem to be truly feeling the effects of choices she’s made during the course of the series. She claims to be doing all of this for her kids, but is completely ignorant to the fact that her choices are hurting them. This isn’t me bashing her character or saying she’s a shitty mom because I don’t like her, this is just stating what’s happening on the screen and right now, whether or not it’s deliberate, she’s being a shitty parent. Dean has always been a shitty parent. So now those kids don’t have anyone😕

[foolgobi65]

i really wish the writers of lucifer hadn't turned chloe and maze's friendship into such an afterthought! like ok:

- when they start in season 2, both of them are in pretty isolated places socially. chloe, already a pretty introverted workaholic, is just newly divorced and has exactly one (1) friend: lucifer. maze has finally split off from lucifer and has two (2) friends: linda and trixie, but for the purposes of this comparison linda really is maze's one friend. maze has just accepted that she's not actually going back to hell, that this time on earth isn't really just a lunch break before they go back to the real world (hell) and so she now has to figure out how to build a real life in LA.

- basically, both maze and chloe are kind of in similar positions in terms of being isolated and really only having a singular overwhelming relationship with someone as opposed to having a network they can rely on so that all their eggs aren't in one basket. you can see where this backfires on both of them throughout the series when linda spends the week not talking to maze after seeing lucifer's face, and when lucifer runs off to vegas and suddenly chloe is stuck with all these feelings she can't express (and crucially can't talk about to him, her best friend.) ofc lucifer and maze's relationship transcends friendship just based on their immense history and is its own weird thing that i also kind of wish they had given more thought to, but w/e.

- enter: maze and chloe's friendship! i think for both maze and chloe, the other person is as "far" as you could get from themselves, but is fascinatingly still someone they can like, respect, love, and be loyal to. for a good while (and this is something i REALLY wish they had maintained) chloe, maze, and dan are basically raising trixie together which takes so much respect and trust that the other person is someone you want having a hand in influencing a kid you love! i think what's interesting is that, unlike lucifer who is trying to answer existential questions about his place/purpose in the universe, maze is really just focused on the people she cares about and having a good time (which is rooted in her doing meaningful work as a bounty hunter.) chloe is someone who pursues duty to the point of self-sacrifice, and obviously her friendship with lucifer helps her loosen up, but the pedestal he places her on/reverence he sometimes feels for her prevents him from really popping that bubble in the same way maze does. also chloe and lucifer's relationship gets SO much more complicated around the time maze enter's chloe's life so the role that lucifer once had to shock chloe out of her comfort zone kind of goes to maze once chloe has to draw some personal boundaries with lucifer.

- i think the key to maze and chloe's friendship is that they're both people who desperately need someone who embodies the other person's best trait. while this tendency isn't always healthy, maze is fundamentally someone very loyal to those she believes deserves it. obviously she's also betrayed people a billion times but at her core she's deeply committed to those she cares about which is something that i can see chloe find really appealing. at this point chloe has spent so much of her life in this weirdly precarious position where, since her dad's death she hasn't been able to fully trust anyone or open up to them. obviously she loves dan, but its clear that even when they're still "good" he doesn't trust her instincts or potential like he should, and when he spent those months gaslighting her the issue for her even beyond the fact that he shot malcom would have been that he didnt support or trust his wife. the appeal of lucifer is that from the beginning he identifies that she's smart and moral with good instincts. he trusts her, and strangely over the season she begins to trust him too! and then he runs off to vegas, etc etc lol. maze's primary loyalty probably isn't to chloe, but we see that to the best of her capacity she wants chloe to be happy -- she gets the prison warden killed, she "tries" and then really does listen to chloe venting about lucifer, attends the parent night chloe was stressed about, sets aside her grudge with lucifer to find chloe.

- in turn, chloe's best trait is her ability to accept people as they are and see their potential. of course she doesnt really have that many friends, but the people she is attracted to are all works in progress (dan is obvious, as are lucifer and maze lmao, but there's also ella who confesses something very personal and scary to chloe and gets a hug in return, and even charlotte who chloe's had clashes with both as charlotte and Mom for years but still gets the benefit of the doubt.) maze does have to change when she comes to live with chloe and trixie, but we see trixie grow up heavily influenced by maze in ways that makes it clear that chloe must genuinely like maze, or those influences like the handshake and the passion for gore and the knife training wouldnt have been allowed. we know that the reason maze is so loyal to lucifer is that he was the first person to ever accept her for who she was unconditionally, without shame or judgment. we see that for lucifer chloe is that person, especially because she sees his potential for growth just as she sees maze's. because she doesnt have preconcieved notions of what they're supposed to be she only sees them as people going through a difficult period of growth and supports them as best she can: reminding maze that they're friends, worrying about her in canada, trusting her with trixie who is the most important person in chloe's life.

- of course, chloe and maze have lucifer and linda but narratively lucifer and linda become so much MORE for chloe and maze. the show sunk linda/maze lmao but linda's clearly the adult maze cares most about just as lucifer is chloe's. and for both in s3 this person they each place so much of themselves into suddenly hurts them and they both spiral. i think there was real potential for chloe and maze to become each other's support and develop into a really steady, enduring friendship in contrast to the chaos of their individual romances (you will NEVER convince me that triangle was about amenadiel rather than linda lmao.) even post s3, they don't really address that maze really hurt chloe by pushing her towards pierce, and that chloe hurt maze by lying to her. i really think there could have been a lot of growth from maze going back to living with chloe and trixie after making full ammends and chloe realizing that actually, yes she can deal with this and it isn't that scary and then the tragedy of her maybe missing her shot with lucifer becomes more stark. we see chloe and maze teaming up in the first episode of 5A but then they blow that up too! i get that chloe needs space and its clear they're both using the other as placeholders for the people they really want, but there's no reason that they couldnt have come back together later and re-established their friendship on screen. obv they wouldnt work together after lucifer comes back, but to me this is where i believe they should go back to living together. without that, maze's connection to trixie in terms of what they can show on screen becomes tenuous and chloe's home life just becomes less interesting/worthwhile to see bc it'd just be her or maybe her with trixie. without that, it feels like we just see a lot of chloe either at work or in relation to lucifer (bc thats the best bang for your buck in terms of interaction!) we do get to see maze with linda, which is nice, but idk just feels like a step back from early s3 when maze felt more embedded in a community of people who liked, accepted, and cared about her wellbeing.

- i think one of the issues is that chloe and maze's friendship might have seemed like a knock off of their "main" relationships with lucifer and linda bc they have similar dynamics with them, but idk! there's a sense of fun that we get from their friendship that we dont really see from the main pairings because those are so serious and passionate and the main mechanisms by which the 4 grow so there isn't as much room for the lighter stuff. i know i said that chloe sees the potential for growth but she's not really pushing maze to talk about her feelings. she's doing the dishes maze won't, smiling at maze and trixie's handshake, shrugging off the fact that maze is throwing knives at their rented walls. maze and chloe create space for each other to be seen as themselves, good or bad, in ways that linda and lucifer can't for whatever reason. they don't really push each other, just let the other person be. it wouldnt be the ideal dynamic if they were the only person in each other's lives, but i think its vital to have someone in your life who can, in chloe's case, gently push you outside of your comfort zone and in maze's case offer acceptance, friendship, and trust.

idk this is just going in circles as i repeat the same points over and over and over but i really wish they had put more thought into sustaining the maze and chloe friendship throughout s4 and s5 because it would have brought out notes in both of them narratively that i think are lost otherwise. also its just sad for trixie that someone who was basically part of her family who she was living with is just...not there anymore and that's never addressed. : (

[firebuug]

OKAY SO FOR THE DETAILED OC ASK MEME, gimme 1, 4, 9, 12, 18, 21, 29 and 45 for Skuggy, Buggy, Dexter and Farrow! OR JUST PICK ONE OF THEM IM SO SORRY IM FERAL I JUST SEE FUNNY OC QUESTIONS AND GO "haha what if i just *sends literally all of them*" (Mari is also an option however ik you said she's not the most developed yet however she is pretty woman and i am... i am simping respectfully /lh)

THANKS FOR ENABLING ME THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUCKING LONG I CAN FEEL IT IM SORRY ill answer it to whomever i can think of most for ig. never apologize 4 enabling my rambles

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

FUN FACT buggy and skuggy's last name used to be scoville. initially i just picked it from my brain bc i thought it was cool, but THEN i realized that you measure spiciness using Scoville units and i went holy FUCK!!! BC perfect. anyways i changed it to scoven to match w my friend's oc bc we made them brothers (and i like it it looks nicer :3 also coven) but a scoville was fucking amazing pun for buggy. also buggy's name is in reference of his arsonist name Firebug, and skuggy is short for serial killer buggy lol

like caonically according 2 his backstory farrow's first name used to be his last name so that's why his name is all weird. however development-wise his last name also Used to be the last name of an escort throwaway character, but i switched their names around because i didn't really like how it sounded. his old last name used to be Retner before i changed it to Farrow! so theres an alternate universe where his first name is actually retner. fuckin insane. imagine that

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

ough. so i don't have mari's backstory at All so sowwy in advance. the other 4 however...

all of them dont have contact w their parents anymore but for roleswap i kinda? swapped buggy and skuggy's parents. buggy's dad was the kind loving on and his mom was the shitty overburdened one, while for skuggy it was the opposite! buggy's dad fostered his love for camping and being outside and Accidentally his love for fire, his mom kinda disowned him after he burned down their family home and led to the death of his dad. understandable! he grew up with his aunt or smtng instead who was like fuckin terrified of him LMAO. his nice memories are of camping w his dad and exploring the harbor when he was living w his aunt

skuggy on the other hand was closest 2 his mom who embraced his love 4 bugs even if they were scary 2 her. his dad was a former mafioso so he was cold n jaded and just wanted him 2 focus on survival and learning to defend himself bc they lived in a trial town. when his mom was poisoned n dieded his dad just shut down and went ok, parenting's over, your turn. so um. skuggy got the short end of the roleswap stick but did end up getting outta there as soon as he turned 18 and made a liddol life 4 himself. his nice memories r of hunting for bugs in the summer

farrow did Not ever know his mother other than from what little his dad told him about her but even then his dad was a single dad, very broke, working so so much at a soul draining office job and probably a second one on top of that and raising a kid he did Not ask for, so he did not spend a lot of time with him. this is probably why he is so fucked up bc once his dad got shot due to a mafia deal gone wrong, he had 2 live on his own in the city because he was terrified of being put in some stuffy orphanage or some shit. his nice memories (if he could remember them RIP) are of befriending possums in back alleys and eating lunch in the fields after baseball practice while his dad was still alive

idk dexters backstory at all and i dont want to make it as edgy as i made it when i was 13 but lord who knows what he did to his parents. i cant decide if he even had an attachment 2 his parents so like thats where we're at

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

animals can sense dexters fucked up vibes and do not like him. like at all LMAO

farrow is gentle when it comes 2 animals but still gets bitten and attacked by them u_u his pets love the shit out of him tho

buggy loves animals and grabs seagulls out of the air with his bare hands and they just sit there. i dont think animals hate or love him they just tolerate him

mari actually doesnt like butterflies or bugs that much but itd be funny if butterflies were drawn to her and shes like UGH god GO AWAY

12. What is their favourite food?

i dont know any yummy japanese cuisine so i cant answer but im guessing mari likes food from her home. bc girl me too. she also has a sweet tooth but not for chocolate just specifically sugary candy

skuggy's a soup fan and likes home-cooked meals. unfortunately he can't cook that good he just makes good soup and crock pot shit

buggys sweet tooth is so potent and he like chocolate the best

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else?

mari likes action, horror, and shitty romcoms i think. idk what else u_u buggy likes shit like animal crossing and thinks pokemon go is fun but also likes comedy and romance. he likes tv shows over movies and isnt THAT much of a pussy for horror movies especially after the whole juggy thing and will watch horror w his friends but does hate jumpscares KHJF

farrow likes loud trash garbage music and thinks reading is lame. he likes movies over tv shows because his attention span is garbage, he also likes video games like fuckin idk. call of duty. he has a nintendo switch bc mendel got it for him when he was fused because haha two people can play video games with themselves. idk what games he has. probably has a stolen xbox

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

skuggy and farrow both get angry very easily but farrow is easier to be verbally provoked to where he is biting and screaming than skuggy is kjfhd. skuggy gets irritated and annoyed easily and he is not afraid to yell at someone or shove them around but it will take more than it takes to get farrow to the same level yknow

mari doesnt really get pissed that much, like she is very loud spoken if you're being a dick or unfair but she isn't like. farrow level of getting pissed at ppl KJHFJKD. shes a bit impatient but isnt gonna go apeshit on u

buggy is so very patient. he will let u walk over him. he has a normal temper but if you walk over him too noticeably and he catches on to what you're doing he will chew you out

dexter gets irritated and angry as much as farrow does but he bottles it in and contains himself better than farrow does so he doesn't look fuckin insane and looks normal, but he does let it slip out in that scary angry way where if he's angry he will talk to u very calmly with a grin on his face that says "i am going to snap you in half once we get out of public eye mark my fucking words"

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

if you aren't skuggy's friend he will tease you. but if you're his friends he will make a mental note to not introduce that fear to u and 2 subtly keep u safe from it bc He Gets It. however if ur fear is bugs he will need more time to remember bc he automatically goes to his friend w his bugs and slips up sometimes. like OH FUCK i forgot you dont like bugs. sorry

buggy will do his absolute best to remember anyone's fears out of just Caring About Others. but if you're a bad guy or someone who's hurt someone he won't hesitate to suggest using your fears against you

oh farrow teases you even if you're his friend. but if he really actually does care about you he'll protect you. he might tease you but if its legitimately a trauma or some shit he will bite and maul and kill for you. just dont point it out he'll get embarrassed

dexter Will use it against you whether you're a friend or not. you're not immune

mari is a normal sane person. she'll tease you a little but she does remember and tries to keep u out of ur fear's way

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

idk how to answer this it is a hard question.....

i do know dexter sees himself as a perfectly normal composed little man whos doing so good at infiltrating the town and studying them. but to others he just looks fuckin insane

also farrow thinks he is sooo scary. and threatening. and fun and wacky and crazy silly fun. but again people just think he's insane and kinda weird and dirtygross

skuggy just thinks he's a dude. like he's just a guy he doesn't rlly matter that much. to others he is most likely not just a dude and at LEAST is a weird little dude. maybe a scary little dude. maybe a friend dude. depends who they r

mari likes 2 think she is nonthreatening and just a fun lil guy! but um. unfortunately people probably look at the 4 eyes and go ough.

THERE my essay is done holy shit this took so long hjhsjdf THANKS if u read this far idk what to say man thanks for listening to my rambles. giving u big hug

[beelziebabie]

Title: Alphabet Headcanons with Beelzebub

Time Started: 4:25 AM

Time Finished: 5:30 AM

SFW or NSFW?: SFW

Reader insert?: Yes

~

SFW:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Beelzebub has a strange way of showing you affection. He’ll shower you in snacks and different foods until you cant eat anymore, then wait until you can eat to feed you to the brim again. He’s trying his best ok

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

You knew each other from your arrival in Devildom, but your friendship really blossomed when you had to move in with him temporarily. He opened up to you and you respected him a lot for that, especially since you are just a human, no one special. Soon, even after you got your room back, you started hanging out in his room again just to talk with him.

So many movie nights. Only because you want to watch a lot of movies and he just wants popcorn. Secret tips to the kitchen at night, going to Hell’a Kitchen during lunch, all that jazz. He’s obviously a pretty good cook, so if you’re lacking in that department he will surely give you some pointers.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Is pretty open to cuddles but fairly shy about it. Even if he wants a short hug, he’ll give you hand a light squeeze to get your attention, then stare at you with puppy dog eyes and its hard to say no to that. His favorite way to cuddle you is to envelop you in his arms, most of the time picking you up. When spooning, he likes being the big spoon because it makes him feel like he’s protecting you the way he couldn’t for “others.”

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Like I said before. Definitely good at cooking. Give him any recipe and he’ll be able to make it better than what you’d expect. He’s decent at cleaning, but most of the time when he cleans up after himself he’ll just get hungry again from thinking about how the mess was made. He’ll go back to eating right when he’s halfway done cleaning. The cycle continues.

And yes, he does want to get settled down, but not yet. He isn’t ready. He’s already pretty mature but he has a lot of anxiety of not being able to protect the little one good enough. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Gently but also very straightforward at the same time. Right at the end of the day, because he would want to ruin their mood for the entire day. He’s give them a huge hug first (depending on the reason why he’s breaking up with them) then tell it to them straight up. He’d explain why straight after, apologize, then leave to give them some time to think.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Very loyal. Super super loyal and would do anything for his partner’s sake. Again, he doesn’t want to get married right at the moment, but when he’s older and stronger he’d definitely consider it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

GENTLE GIANT. Snacks and cuddles always available if you ever need it, just say the word. The average demon is taller than the average human by a long shot, and on top of that Beelzebub is taller than your average demon. He’d carry you wherever you’d want to go, always at your beckon call.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs so much. Ive said this a lot before but he really, REALLY likes the feeling of being able to shield you from anything that could potentially harm you. He doesn’t initiate the hugs often. His hugs are very warm and cozy, like sitting in front of a fireplace. But sometimes hug sessions get interrupted from his grumbling belly lol

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not very fast. He’s scared to get attached too quickly and end up losing you. So he’d wait until it was unbearable to wait any longer. Then he’d probably say it on accident and will be so flustered about it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Not the jealous type! But when he does get jealous its obvious. He’ll eat a little bit less than usual, he’ll look a bit angrier, and it’ll be easier to tick him off.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Collarbone and neck kisses when he’s feeling Intimate, Forehead and cheek kisses for something cuter. Especially likes forehead kisses because it reminds him of his height different between you two. When you share your first kiss, he’ll of course taste like food. But past that, he tastes like peppermint and cherry, quite an addicting flavor if you ask me. He probably keeps multiple packs of gum on him just to make sure his breath is fresh.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

So so protective. Since theyre young, naive, and weak, he’d use that as even more of a reason to protect them from literally anything. Plastic fork? Dangerous. Doll? Dangerous. String? DEFINITELY dangerous.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

When he wakes up he wastes no time in getting ready. If anything he rushes, a lot. Just to get downstairs and eat. But when he isnt rushing, he’d actually lay in his bed for a good 10 minutes before actually getting up. His mornings are kind of slow, when he isnt hingry that is.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Cuddles all through the night. He’ll only let you go if its an absolute emergency. If not, don’t expect to be getting up until his next snack break.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

I said this earlier but he started opening up to you when you had to move in with him. He says everything slowly, because thinking back on those times hurts him a lot. You’ll definitely need to hold him through it, even if its just holding his hand.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not very easily. He’s also very east to please, too. Just don’t eat his food and everything is good.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

All depends on his relationship with you. When youre starting off as friends, he wont pay any mind to the little things you do. But as your relationship progresses he starts to notice them and honestly he gets a bit flustered by it.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you cook something for him. It wouldn’t taste the same as anything else he has ever eaten before. He would love it so much that he would beg you to make him food more often.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Ive already covered this and its kinda nnoying now lmao

And no, he wouldn’t want to be protected. He believes that he is strong enough to protect himself and he doesn’t want to burden anyone.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tbh not much for dates and gifts and stuff like that. For anniversaries however, he’ll take you out on a date to one of his favorite restaurants, or cook a huge meal for both you and him. He’d eat most of it though.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He eats a lot. And he eats anything that fits his appetite, even if its not actual food. And sometimes when you’re together his hunger will pop up again and he’ll need to eat something before continuing. You don’t blame him, but he feels a bit bad about it.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not very concerned at all. He’ll occasionally dress up but only if he’s being told to. Other than that, no, he doesn’t really care much about his looks. He just wants to look presentable enough to go out.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Also depends on your relationship with him. If you’re just a friend who he occasionally talks to, then no, he wouldn’t care much about you. But anything past that he would feel like you are becoming more and more part of him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

idk lmfao

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, he wouldn’t like it if you were sneaky when it comes to food. Please don’t ever steal his food. I’m begging you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Cant sleep without holding something. Whether it be a pillow or a person, he needs to hold something while going to sleep. When you came into his life he slowly eased that onto you, starting with just sitting on the bed with you as you slept, then he would lay down with you and drape his arm across you, then after that he’d hold you just like a child would to a teddy bear.

~

NSFW version coming right after this!

(sorry if theres spelling mistakes lmfao im so tired sorry)

[divine-noire]

Mononucleosis Awareness Post

So I caught Mono participating in Hot Girl Summer™ (jk jk lmao) but I did get Mono, and this shit is not a fucking joke. If you feel like you might have it, please go to the doctor. Over the past 4 weeks, I have been going through literal medical hell from complications. I’m gonna list the symptoms I’ve had and if you feel like you might have it, go get looked at. I thought Mono was something only horny ass teens got in high school playing spin the bottle, I’m 26 (27 next month) and was NOT expecting this shit at all.

Fatigue

My first symptom that something was wrong was fatigue. This is not normal, everyday fatigue. This is actually waking up and feeling like the world is ending when you take your first step, fatigue. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. While driving, I put my emergency break on at red lights because I was afraid I would fall asleep while at the standstill. At work, if there were no calls, my head was down (luckily, my boss is only here twice a week so I could get away with this). At home, I was in bed by 6PM and when you do sleep, it’s immediate. There is no gradual lulling off to sleep. It’s face-meet-pillow-meet-morning-alarm type of sleep. But I was still tired no matter how much I slept so I started using No Doze to counteract the effects. At first, it was fine, but even then, I still had the underlying fatigue. It got so bad, I drove over a friend’s house in Greenbelt, MD which is about an hour and a half away with rush hour traffic, using every bit of energy I had in my body to get to her, because she said she would take care of me, which she did. But by the time I pulled up to her house, I basically almost fell out of the driver side door when she opened it for me. That is not an exaggeration, that is the level of exhaustion I felt from just driving that far without sleeping. We thought I had the flu or something flu-like, so she gave me fluids and alot of Day & NightQuil. It made the symptoms lessen, but it never made them go away.

Sore Throat

At the beginning, my throat merely felt scratchy. This lasted for about 3 days, before I knew it, my voice was gone and my throat was in so much pain I gave up talking. The pain is not akin to Strep Throat, if you’ve had that before. It is actually worse. My throat was swollen as a symptom of the virus, but it graduated into its own infection of severe Tonsillitis. It was so severe that I actually began having trouble swallowing from the amount of swelling that it caused. I had to receive a steroid injection in my butt to counteract the swelling and start methylprednisone (which wasn’t strong enough and I had to go back for regular prednisone 20mg). I couldn’t eat anything without pain, so I stuck to drinking a lot of fluids and ice water. Ice water became my guardian angel because my throat was in a constant state of burning pain. I also grew exodus on the back of my throat, past my tonsils, as a result of the infection in my throat, and had to gargle salt water like crazy everyday to get them out. The exodus hurts, it is hard and feels like cement on the back of your throat and it makes the Tonsillitis 10x worse than it already is. I didn’t have a voice at all for 12 days, I had to use a dry erase board for all interactions (it’s quicker than typing on my phone.) 

Nausea

Now my case may be different because the doctors keep telling me my nausea shouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and that I need to go see a Gastroenterologist ASAP but that’s a different story for a different post. Nausea was my worst and most persistent symptom to date. The kind of nausea you may feel will be persistent. I woke up nauseous to the point of my mouth salivating as though I were about to vomit everyday for about 2-2.5 weeks. This never settled. There was never a time my mouth was not salivating, I had to begin keeping paper cups at my desk to spit the residual saliva into throughout the day because it never subsided. One day, I had a salad for lunch from Panera even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew I should try to eat something. (By this time, my throat had made some progress and I could swallow some whole things.) I immediately regretted that decision when I lay in bed at midnight holding my stomach like the world was ending. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get myself together enough to even get out of bed. The thing that makes the nausea symptom so bad (for me) is that it never made be actually vomit, it just created the sensation of needing to. Eventually, I broke down and stuck a straw down my throat just to alleviate the symptom a bit and threw up the salad, and it didn’t even look like it’d been digested properly. That made the nausea go away for the night, and after that I gave up eating anything solid hoping that would prevent any future nausea, spoiler alert: I was wrong. My salivating mouth picked up right where it left off, it was as though all I went through the night before didn’t even matter. My stomach was empty and still nauseated. That night, the nausea was so bad that I just knew something was off and I drove myself to the ER (Note: I drive myself to the ER that is less than 10-minutes away all the time to save money on an ambulance, if you feel you are not safe to drive, dial 911, it is better to just pay the ambulance than cause an accident and make your situation worse than it already is.). When I got there, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I just felt like I was dying. The doctor brought me back, took my vitals, asked the usual questions. I told him about the nausea, the Mono diagnosis, he said he wanted me to get a temporary room while he ran some tests. I got a room and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of Zofran for the nausea that did absolutely nothing. It was so bad that when he came back in, I asked for Ipecac or a straw to induce vomiting again. Alarmed, he said they wanted to avoid me vomiting and gave me an additional shot of Zofran. That helped that time, but I still just felt overall terrible. The doctor came in later and told me my potassium levels were extremely low, explaining the extreme fatigue and dizziness, that my liver was swollen from the Mono, and that the nausea was alarming and he would be admitting me for treatment. I was shocked that this virus had done such a number on me. My throat had even worsened and was now even more swollen and painful than it was before (I hadn’t gotten the 20mg prednisone script yet.). I spent 2 days with an IV in my arm, eating mushy foods and sleeping in the hospital. I had to take off work because I was in no shape to even drive there, let alone get anything done. After the 2 days went by, I actually felt back to my normal self! I was so fucking happy to exist and not feel like dying after weeks of wanting to that I went home and started cleaning my room. I had let it get atrocious from not feeling well or feeling like doing anything besides sleeping. Shortly after I began, the fatigue kicked in, the only symptom to never leave, and I sat my ass down and watched Rick & Morty with Sebastia and went to sleep instead, which was probably the safer bet. Fast forward 8 nausea-free days, and guess what’s back??? It’s tolerable now, but still an extreme nuisance. I get my Zofran prescription and it does didly fucking squat to alleviate the nausea. I call the Urgent Care that diagnosed me and ask if there’s anything stronger for nausea and they tell me all the stronger shit will have me bedbound and loopy. Bills gotta get paid so we can’t have that. So that night, in a moment of nauseous desperation, I took double the dosage of the Zofran to alleviate the discomfort. Now, I understand I shouldn’t have done this, but I was DESPERATE and afterward, I felt great. It was the first time the medicine had done wtf the doctors said it would do and the way it was supposed to: quick, fast and in a motherfucking sprint. So I stupidly called the Urgent Care to ask them about the nausea medicine again (I have such a good relationship with this UC for some reason, probably because I hate my primary.) and told them what I’d done the night before and that I was now out of nausea meds and needed a refill before it came back, which was all true. Jessica, the nurse I always saw, was alarmed and spoke to the doctor on duty there, and told them about what I did. Then they cut me off and said to go ask my Primary for the refill because I’ve been utilizing them way too much (long story short). But she also said that I shouldn’t need that much Zofran and something else is going on and I need to be seen by a Gastro. That $40 co-pay appointment is still pending. Andddd I’ve been nausea-free for about a week now, but as I type this, my mouth just began salivating so it looks like I’m gonna be dealing with that again soon. Fuck.

Dizziness

My dizziness didn’t come full force until about 4 days ago (Week 4). I was out at a shopping center getting groceries and while I was parking at a nearby Dunkin Donuts, the world legit started slanting. I felt like I’d been drugged all of a sudden. My skin felt cold and clammy, everything felt out of focus and I immediately needed to lie down. Luckily, it came right after I’d put my car in park and had the opportunity to put my seat back and do so. I waited about 10 minutes maybe, and then I felt ok enough to get out and go get some food because I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten yet. Even standing in line and waiting for the food afterward was difficult. I had to sit down or else I’d fall down. I got back in my car and ate and laid down again, went back to the store to get eggs I forgot to grab before, and on the walk back to my car almost walked into another parked car. Of course, people saw and probably thought I was drunk or something. I was embarrassed but didn’t have the motor skills energy to explain the situation of feeling like I was in 2 bodies at once. This symptom has come and gone as it pleases, but luckily after a good 2-hour nap that day when I got home, I felt alot better. 

Poor Appetite

While battling this virus, I have lost 10 pounds and still counting in the past 4 weeks. While it’s great to fit into clothes I was once too thick to get past my thighs, it is not the way I wanted to lose the weight. In the beginning, I always felt full no matter what, which made me not want to eat, combined with the nausea, it made eating something I just wasn’t in the mood to ever do. This went on for weeks, which caused the weight loss. I learned later that my swollen liver pressing against my stomach is what caused the sensation of fullness, hence, not ever feeling like I should eat. Now, my appetite has returned, and I’ve been eating nothing but starchy, fatty nonsense my diet never would’ve allowed before I got sick. And even with all the newfound calories I’ve been non-stop digesting (seriously guys, pizza 5 days straight, bread bowls, bacon egg and cheese croissants, cheesecake, donuts...) I’m still shedding pounds. My Gold’s Gym Membership is gathering dust because I can’t go workout with my body still always in fatigue-mode and it’s probably just not kosher to do with this kind of virus. My mom said I should celebrate for now until it becomes a cause for concern later, but I think I should probably be concerned now since the earlier you find something out the better health-wise. I lowkey did some research and think I might have Hepatitis-C from the virus, which is curable, but sucks all the same if I’m right. I inherited my mother’s extremely poor immune system, so I really wouldn’t be surprised. I’ll post before and after photos of my weight loss separately, don’t want Tumblr turning me into the Face of Mono™ because of this post. 

Swollen Lymph Nodes

This was one of the lesser symptoms that went away by week 2-2.5. They are definitely sensitive and noticeable. I found that icing them alleviated a lot of the discomfort and made it tolerable, but overall, these were the least of my worries.

If you experience any of these symptoms or think you may have Mono, definitely get yourself checked out. They can do a rapid test at any Urgent Care or ER and let you know during your visit if you have it. This shit is not a joke. I’m still dealing with the symptoms right now and have no inclination of when they will be gone. The literature says anywhere from a few weeks to a year, I’m praying for the initial option but I have no way of knowing for sure. I say all this to say, pay attention to and know your body, guys. You only get one. 

[verotms]

。·   .   ˙ ☀  ⌈   taylor   hill   +   cis   female   +   she   /   her   +   the   wayfarer   ⌋   yo   ,   have   you   meet   that   POGUE   ,   𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚   𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬   ,   yet   ?   —   no   ?   well   ,   to   give   you   a   little   heads   up   before   you   do   ,   they’re   a   TWENTY-TWO   year   old,   CON   ARTIST   &   WAITSTAFF   AT   THE   COSTON   CLUBHOUSE   and   have   been   living   in   coston   for   TWO   MONTHS   .   since   i’ve   known   them   ,   they’ve   reminded   me   of   𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝   𝐛𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐢   𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐬   𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐭𝐚𝐧   𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬   ,   𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭   𝐨𝐟   𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝   𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬   ,   𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝   𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐬   𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞   𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧   𝐲𝐨𝐮   𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝   𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞   ,   𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜   𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬   𝐨𝐟   𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐭   𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐩   𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐬   ,   𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫   𝐚𝐥𝐥   𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞   𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞   𝐨𝐟   𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟   𝐚𝐭   𝐭𝐡𝐞   𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞   𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞   .   usually   they’re   quite   𝑣𝑖𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑡   &   𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒   but   just   make   sure   you   keep   an   eye   out   for   them   around   town   because   i   heard   can   be   quite  𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑐𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠   &   𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡   as   well   so   here’s   hoping   they   aren’t   the   ones   to   undo   this   whole   peace   pact   they   have   going   on   this   summer   .   but   just   between   you   &   me   ,   i   kinda   hope   it   all   falls   apart   .   the   rivalry   keeps   this   whole   boring   town   interesting   .

gonna   make   these   some   short   bullets   to   speed   up   the   process   bc   i   just   want   these   DONE   AND   OUT

vero   was   born   to   a   teen   mom   in   some   buttfuck   florida   town   that   had   nothing   going   for   her   ,   they   were   pretty   much   just   them   two   doing   what   they   could   with   what   they   had   .   they   lived   in   a   little   greek   neighborhood   and   young   veronica   spent   most   of   her   childhood   being   handed   off   from   babysitting   neighbor   to   neighbor   pretty   free   range   while   her   mom   worked   full   time   to   try   and   finish   school   and   provide   for   her   kid   .   literally   the   definition   of   “   it   takes   a   village   .   “      

when   she   was   about   4   ,   her   mom   decided   she   wanted   a   change   of   pace   and   spent   all   of   vero’s   college   fund   set   up   by   her   grandparents   to   buy   an   rv   .   it   was   a   move   that   got   her   cut   off   from   their   support   and   left   vero   with   a   childhood   that   ,   while   the   instability   would   show   its   later   effects   ,   led   to   her   having   the   time   of   her   life   .

her   mom   took   her   through   the   entire   US   ,   homeschooling   her   and   making   money   off   of   conning   whatever   poor   sap   gave   her   the   time   of   day   .   it   was   an   example   that   she   always   told   vero   to   ignore   ,   “   we   only   do   this   because   we   need   to   ,   “   but   built   a   foundation   that   the   impressionable   child   would   never   be   able   to   let   go   of   .

they   stay   put   long   enough   for   vero   to   get   high   school   knocked   out   ,   though   it’s   at   five   different   schools   over   the   course   of   four   years   as   her   mom   can   never   hold   an   honest   job   down   long   enough   to   keep   them   stable   .   at   the   pushes   and   prods   of   getting   to   know   her   heritage   ,   her   mom   begrudgingly   hauls   them   back   to   florida   the   summer   after   vero   finishes   high   school   and   reintroduces   her   to   a   family   she   hasn’t   seen   in   nearly   15   years   .   at   the   question   of   wanting   to   know   her   dad   ,   as   it   turns   out   ,   he   was   the   child   of   a   formidable   oil   family   in   southern   florida   that   had   come   into   quite   a   sum   of   money   .   vero   ,   against   her   family’s   wishes   ,   reaches   out   to   him   in   an   attempt   to   figure   something   out   about   herself   and   her   background   ,   and   to   her   surprise   ,   he’s   actually   excited   to   meet   her   .

he   has   a   whole   other   family   but   he   asks   just   for   a   little   patience   while   he   figures   out   how   to   tell   them   everything   .   he’s   kind   and   generous   and   pretty   great   of   a   dude   for   having   never   known   he   had   fathered   a   child   with   a   simple   hookup   he   had   had   in   his   youth   considering   they   went   to   different   schools   and   she   ghosted   him   afterwards   .   vero’s   truly   ready   to   settle   down   for   once   and   start   a   life   with   the   family   she   had   finally   gotten   ,   until   her   mom   reaches   out   in   dire   need   of   money   after   crashing   the   RV   following   a   night   of   recklessness   .   vero   ,   getting   a   cold   slap   to   reality   of   the   life   she   had   grown   up   knowing   ,   realizes   she’ll   probably   never   be   suited   for   the   lifestyle   her   dad   wants   her   to   join   him   in   ,   and   relapses   into   what   she   knows   .   she   steals   a   sizable   amount   of   money   and   other   things   from   him   ,   disappearing   in   the   middle   of   the   night   from   the   home   he   had   opened   up   to   her   and   drops   off   enough   money   to   her   mom   to   help   her   get   by   —   making   this   the   last   she   ever   sees   of   her   .

she   buys   a   beat   up   vintage   hatchback   and   hightails   it   out   of   florida   ,   spending   no   longer   than   6   months   in   any   given   place   .   she   works   small   odd   jobs   and   spends   her   days   lounging   in   the   sun   and   spending   nights   performing   raggedy   90’s   karaoke   covers   and   pouring   shots   into   the   mouths   of   random   bar   -   goers   ,   charming   the   pants   off   just   about   anyone   who   gives   her   the   time   of   day   ,   usually   making   off   with   their   wallet   or   earning   herself   a   sugar   parent   for   a   week   or   so   who   lavishes   her   in   gifts   .   it’s   not   a   lifestyle   she   particularly   enjoys   ,   to   be   honest   ;   her   dream   would   be   to   be   an   artist   and   own   her   own   trinket   store   to   occupy   her   time   ,   keeping   her   for   once   in   one   place   .   but   swindling   people   is   all   she   knows   ,   and   part   of   her   identity   is   the   freedom   of   having   nothing   to   tie   her   down   —   admittedly   ,   a   lifestyle   she   doesn’t   see   herself   letting   go   of   any   time   soon   .

so   here   she   is   in   coston   ,   taking   up   a   job   in   the   swanky   coston   clubhouse   where   she   gets   hit   on   by   more   older   men   with   money   than   she   knows   what   to   do   with   .   she   spends   her   afternoons   on   the   beach   chatting   up   whoever   glances   her   way   and   spending   her   nights   in   a   shoddy   beat   up   apartment   she   pays   on   a   month   by   month   lease   .   two   months   isn’t   much   by   normal   standards   ,   but   she’s   feeling   herself   grow   comfortable   in   coston   in   a   way   she   hasn’t   felt   in   many   places   beyond   that   —   something   the   kook   /   pogue   divide   threatens   to   ruin   for   her   and   send   her   packing   promptly   the   moment   something   goes   wrong   .

personality   wise   ,   vero   has   a   rather   laid   back   ,   enthusiastic   personality   and   is   the   type   of   talker   who   could   sell   ice   to   a   snowman   .   astute   and   observant   despite   a   hippie   -   dippie   disposition   ,   she   gives   the   illusion   of   no   attention   payed   while   she’s   secretly   analyzing   where   in   your   pockets   you   keep   your   wallet   ,   how   often   you   look   at   your   phone   ,   what   your   insecurities   are   ,   etc   ,   and   figuring   out   exactly   how   to   capitalize   off   of   that   .   though   she’s   opportunistic   ,   she’s   got   a   heart   enough   to   not   take   advantage   of   most   people   in   precarious   situations   —   though   her   judgement   has   definitely   been   skewed   before   :(

serial   liar   and   never   gets   called   out   for   it   bc   she   never   stays   in   one   place   long   enough   kkwjherjwr   but   lies   about   simple   things   like   what   her   plans   are   or   if   she’s   already   had   lunch   literally   just   lies   for   no   good   reason   ?   just   has   this   unhealthy   concept   that   if   she   tells   people   everything   about   herself   she’s   gonna   get   screwed   over   somehow   so   she   wants   2   be   the   one   screwing   others   over   first   ?   trust   issues   ig

not   a   bad   person   if   she   would   stop   just   being   unreliable   lmao   !   she’s   truly   very   easygoing   and   has   a   natural   disposition   that   wants   to   make   those   around   her   feel   good   ,   very   nurturing   in   a   sense   ?   if   y’all   saw   hustlers   —   ramona   ,   looks   out   for   others   and   makes   them   feel   important   but   at   the   end   of   the   day   she’s   looking   out   for   herself   almost   exclusively   .   it’s   not   that   she   wants   to   be   selfish   ,   if   anything   ,   she   wishes   she   could   feel   secure   enough   to   let   herself   stay   close   to   people   and   put   down   roots   .   she’s   just   had   a   pretty   shitty   experience   letting   people   in   and   doesn’t   want   to   subject   herself   to   the   unknowns   of   investing   in   other   people   .   despite   being   pretty   detached   and   emotionally   uninvested   ,   she   has   a   warm   ,   calming   demeanor   that   balances   out   even   the   most   combative   of   personalities   .

idol   is   90’s   gwen   stefani   (   she   has   a   early   no   doubt   cover   band   that   performs   at   a   local   bar   on   friday   nights   just   for   her   to   have   something   to   do   KWJEHRJWER   )   and   twiggy   ,   her   apartment   is   full   of   those   little   beaded   door   things   that   hang   in   the   doorway   ,   will   braid   her   bangs   out   of   the   way   when   working   on   a   project   and   looks   a   whole   ass   mess   ,   is   a   pretty   talented   artist   and   bases   her   work   ,   whether   paintings   ,   sculptures   ,   or   sketches   ,   off   of   her   experiences   traveling   ,   has   a   minidoodle   she   picked   up   off   the   road   somewhere   in   georgia   named   tate   who   goes   everywhere   he   can   with   her   .

[buckyskorpion]

50 Questions tag!

i was tagged by @buckyland​ so thank you kat i am trying to procrastinate and this is PERFECT

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? pink and purple pastels 

2. Name a food you never ever eat. peanuts bc im allergic lmao

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm! im a sweaty bitch

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? watching a jamie genevieve makeup tutorial and wishing i had her accent because she sounds so sexy... scottish people man

5. What is your favourite candy bar? does this mean chocolate bar or like lolly bar..... chocolate would be a mars bar and lolly bar would be redskins

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? absoLUTELY state of origin game 2 last year baby 

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “oi shit heads do you want a coffee?” i am a stereotype

8. What is your favourite ice cream? COOKIES AND CREAM YES ME AND KAT AGREE

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? coffee

10. Do you like your wallet? i technically dont have one my cards just be loose in my bag 

11. What was the last thing you ate? omg a bacon egg tomato and cheese brekkie roll it was DIVINE

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? yes a bunch of sleep singlets, shorts, fuzzy socks, and a jumper

13. The last sporting event you watched? the last nrl game the dragons played before the season got cancelled

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? sweet and salty baby

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my boss because i left my bag at work which has my nintendo ds in it and i wanna play animal crossing (dont ask why it was in my bag) 

16. Ever go camping? YES i literally camped overnight in my backyard last night and i camp every year when i go to splendour with my mates (big music festival in byron bay) 

17. Do you take vitamins? no and i should because im iron deficient lmao

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? oh bitch since i turned 18 and could legally say no to my crazy catholic parents i havent been to a sunday mass since. i do go for big events tho like lent, easter, christmas, etc. 

19. Do you have a tan? big no

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? this is hard but i would say pizza just because ive been to the hospital 3 times eating chinese food bc of sneaky peanuts and pizza has never done me wrong like that

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? if its with alcohol, yes. if its not, straight from the bottle baby

22. What color socks do you usually wear? black or pink. i only have Useful socks which are black and one pair of Fun socks which are pink 

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? um every time i drive sorry popo

24. What terrifies you? being unremarkable. being forgotten. being left.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my coffee, paw paw cream, my airpods, my scrunchie collection, my lamp, my meds, and my sunglasses (my bedside table is a mess) 

26. What chore do you hate most? dusting 

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? nothing.... i am australian this just be my life hahaha

28. What’s your favorite soda? soda is such a funny word to me but anyway my favourite is sprite

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive? depends, mostly drive thru and eat in the carpark vibes tho

30. What is your favourite number? 4 or 14

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? my sister and her boyfriend

32. Favourite cut of beef? i hate red meat but i will eat it in spaghetti bolognese so i guess mince

33. Last song you listened to? number one fan by MUNA - its a BOP

34. Last book you read? in the middle of reading killing commentadore by haruki murikami as i have been for the whole of 2020 lmao

35. Favourite day of the week? friday 

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? no absolutely not my brain hurts just thinking about it

37. How do you like your coffee? double shot espresso with almond milk or double shot espresso just black 

38. Favourite pair of shoes? my doc martens because im ~quirky

39. The time you normally get up? during normal time i was waking up at 7:30 but now its anywhere between 9-12 lmao

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets absolutely 

41. How many blankets on your bed? three

42. Describe your kitchen plates. one full set of white ones, one full set of those blue ceramic looking ones, one set of fancy white ones with embellishment, one set from ikea that im allowed to use because i smash shit

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment? just did the washing up and loaded the dishwasher from lunch, so spotless because i have issues with dirty sinks lmao. coffee machine is pride of place, and the light above the stove stopped working last night so its kinda dark

44. Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? t e q u i l a!!!!! or a pinot grigio

45. Do you play cards? hmm i play drinking games haha not really cards tho unless its with my family

46. What colour is your car? silver

47. Can you change a tire? yes because once i was taking an exit off the motorway at 110km/h and something fell off truck which i didnt see so i drove over it and ripped giant holes in both tires on the right side of my car and almost DIED lmao 

48. Your favourite state? state of being? asleep. state in australia?? nsw dUH. state in america?? i pretend i do not see

49. Favourite job you’ve had? my job i have now! disability carer, i love the girl i care for with my whole heart and i would die for her

50. How did you get your biggest scar? i have the stupidest scars ever, my biggest scar is probably the big ones on my knees from when i was running away from this girl on camp who locked me out of our shared room and i fell over and cut my knees and hands up sooooo bad lmao

[lokiarsene]

like yesterday, here's a bullet list of my thoughts for episodes 18~21

thoughts on episode 18:

oh no, it's the beach episode.

-- i really like how they show the way the PT take care of futaba. ren patiently cleaning up her room in between hours at the florist, them playing vidya with her, or just having lunch together in montage moments is very sweet. it makes me wish the anime had much slower pacing, more slice of life-y kind of drama.

-- watching yusuke, ryuji, and futaba lose their freakin minds over good curry is VERY relatable.

-- i still don't understand why ann and makoto thought that a two piece frilly bathing suit was the way to go with futaba. a one piece that she could wear under a long wrap or a hoodie would've made so much more sense... but >male gaze

-- have i told y'all how fucking tired i am of the sexualization of the teenage girls in p5 yet, and how it is one of the several things that fuckin ruined this game for me

have i?

well here it is again

none of the previous games were as bad as this b t w and p4 had one of the dungeons be a STRIP CLUB.

-- yusuke and his lobsters are wonderful.

-- oh god i forgot COMPLETELY about the whole 'mental shutdowns' thing in this game's plot. i think because it's all so pointlessly convoluted. p3 had something similar but even there it was just people turned catatonic for weeks on end when the monthly boss-shadows drew near.

i think the reason i find this so hard to understand is because from p3 to p4 the rules of shadows didn't really change so much. p3 had the persona users go up against shadow bosses; p4 had people confront the shadows within themselves, either accepting them completely (which then turned into persona), or the shadow 'absorbed' the person and ran rampant as a monster. neither of those rules really contradict each other, but in p5 personal shadows for persona users are gone completely, and how you deal with other people's personal shadows doesn't even involve them being present to complete the merge.

mona says that persona users can't have palaces, but persona users in 4 could and DID have 'dungeons' within the shadows' worlds. these dungeons dealt specifically with what was at the core of the shadows' emergence--a deep secret and a hidden truth that caused the shadow to grow, a place that was a replica and a distortion of reality based upon that suppressed truth. so that sure sounds like a fucking palace to me.

so....................... unless there's like, multiple realities folded into our own, and persona users can only access certain ones.................. i'm just super confused.

like, i know it's because the rules change game to game, but p3 to p4 didn't have any contradictions, and p2 didn't contradict anything in p3, either. it just went from a full party of wild card users to a singular one.

-- i'm glad ann's getting a little screentime here. i was just thinking about how other characters' development was lacking after makoto and futaba got so much focus.

-- mona's so sweet to ann ;-; now that he has a human form in p5r, i hope they become really good friends. she needs a kind guy friend that'll be reliable~ plus he makes her laugh.

-- sojiro talking about the anniversary of wakaba's death is......... really interesting........ considering that screenshot of futaba sitting next to a woman with the exact same haircut as her "deceased" mother.

-- ren reassuring mona that he absolutely has to be human, that he will return to who he used to be once they figure out what's happening in the metaverse is jsut jdfklasd

AND HIS LIL ROUND OF APPLAUSE WHEN MONA TALKS ABOUT ALL THE THINGS HE'S GOING TO DO TO KEEP THE WORLD SAFE ;-;

AND THAT SHOT OF HIM SLEEPING CURLED UP ON REN'S STOMACH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-- listen i know mona isn't rly a cat but he's the BEST cat

thoughts on episode 19:

oh it's the hawaii episode.

-- man what the hell kinda budget do these school's got that they can just go overseas with dozens of students on a yearly basis? that's impressive.

-- ryuji: "whoa, awesome! ..... i don't really get it, but awesome!" fjdsafds okay that got a laugh outta me. good one, ryuji.

-- ren: "i'm excited, too." (said in a monotone) fjklsadsl BLESS THIS BOY

-- ren's FACE when he learns that futaba installed a spying app on his phone and can hear him/see pictures he takes is...... kind of hilarious. especially if you have the headcanon that he and akechi send dumbass snapchats to each other a lot--which i do. and which you do now, too.

-- mona's depression is ten times more sad because he's a cat okay :c why they gotta make the cat so cute

-- ren, ryuji, and ann's lil sleepover is adorable. especially since ann chastises ryuji for not knowing one of the basic rules of a sleepover: if you start talkin' about your crushes, you gotta start with your own~ thems the rules lads

-- rip principal bloatneck.

-- honestly that truck shoulda at least TRIED to stop.

-- "A LO HA." goddammit that's adorable

AND HE GIVES THE LEI NECKLACE TO MONA FJDSKFJDSKL ren you're so SWEET.

-- I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT MONA CALLS SAE "ONEE-NO-NIIJIMA" FJADSKLFJDSKL ahhhh it's so cute.

-- the PT targeting okumura, who is essentially the dave thomas with political ambitions of the persona 5 world, is far funnier now that i phrase it like that.

-- ANN, OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, SAYING THAT THEY PROBABLY BROUGHT THIS RECENT TROUBLE ON THEMSELVES, IS A FUCKING STUPID WRITING DECISION. I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE DIDN'T LOOK AT THAT AND GO, "ANN WOULDN'T SAY THIS. ANN HAS NO REASON TO SAY IT." god. lmao PLEASe let p5r be a goddamn second draft.

-- mona's totally right that ryuji's just concerned with getting popular and his dick wet. like,,, that's why this argument only made me hate ryuji more than i already did. he gets pissy when mona points out the truth.

god he sucks lmao

I'M SORRY I'M SO SALTY YOU GUYS

LOOK I'LL SAY SOMETHING NICE: SAE AND AKECHI ARE COOL

-- i really like how guarded akechi's face looks in his conversation with sae, and how off his guard he looks when she tells him that she's not going to hold back, especially since the culprit is doing such dire, awful things. he's not exactly surprised, but he's definitely uneasy and shaken by what he hears. which makes me wonder who he’s really concerned for--himself, or for ren (and the PT by extension, but akechi only really seems to care about ren, so).

the reason i like that is because the okumura arc in p5 is really where akechi's mind starts its downward spiral. principal kobayakawa's death obviously rattled him, especially since the only reason the principal died was because shido saw him as useless and disposable, something akechi is desperate NEVER TO BE. and it's that + what happens with okumura that really kicks him over the edge.

i hope p5r will give us the chance to pull him back from it. he deserves a better chance than the game's subpar writing gave to him.

thoughts on episode 20:

-- ren wakes up in a panic because he thinks he sees mona on his bed ;___________;

-- goro snoopin' on the PT's LOUD, TOTALLY CONSPICUOUS conversation in front of okumura foods' HQ is kind of adorable if you remember he clearly loves star wars (HE HAS A LIGHT SABER), and the camera cuts to his face right as they're talking about big bang and outer space lingo.

-- oh, haru. i really wish you were the black mask. that would've been so much cooler--and an actual twist. her total hopeless panic about being a beauty thief could still be a thing (because it is actually endearing), it'd just be an act. but that's me talkin' fix-its again.

-- i really like the scene of haru defending mona to the PT on the rooftop, then cutting to show just how strained her relationship is with her father. she exists to be useful to her father's ambitions and nothing else, and that scene really drove home just how painful that is for her.

-- REN TWIRLS HIS HAIR BETWEEN TWO FINGERS WHEN HE'S DEEP IN THOUGHT. AHHHHHHH I FORGOT HE DID THAT

-- oh hey remember how the game went through the trouble of showing how haru's fiance is a sexist, violent, animal-hurting piece of shit and then promptly failed to actually separate her from him in game (i think you only can do that in her s-link?? the s-link you can barely finish in your first run of the game??), and in t hEN SHOWED HER IN THE CAR WITH HIM LATER, LOOKING HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

god this story makes me so fucking mad lmfao STOP PUTTING GIRLS IN PHYSICALLY OR SEXUALLY VIOLENT PERIL AND NEVER ACTUALLY ENSURING THAT THEY'RE SAFE, YOU DAVID CAGE LEVEL OF HACK BULLSHIT WRITERS.

-- ryuji running into the attic, all worried about mona, with a first aid kit, is..... very good. very good and endearing. good on you, ryuji.

-- haru gently encouraging mona to tell the truth is also really good. idk if i just missed it in the game or what, but i really like how she's presented in the anime. she's like a counterpart to ren--soft, sincere, observant, patient, yet she's made of pure steel beneath all that.

thoughts on episode 21:

-- WHY WAS HARU'S GRANDFATHER GIVING COFFEE TO A FIVE YEAR OLD

-- haru, the reason your father's heart grew twisted is thanks to capitalism. you gotta change the heart of capitalism.

-- not to be all poochie here but whenever akechi isn't on screen, all i can ask myself is whERE'S AKECHI?

-- HOW CAN I TAKE THE EVIL DAVE THOMAS SERIOUSLY WHEN HE'S DRESSED LIKE FUCKIN MEGAMIND?

-- okay see this is where i'm thrown completely out of the story or even really liking haru. haru just listened to her dad's shadow saying he would PIMP HER OUT TO HER FIANCE WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. and she still is just like ~no i want him to go back to being kind~

bitch are you nuts

are you NUTS

youR DAd SHOULD DIE AND YOU'D BE BETTER OFF

CONSIDERING HOW THE GAME GOES, YOU ARe BETTER OFF

god. i'm getting so mad again lmao

-- ren approaching haru to point out that if the truth of her father's crimes comes to light, she'll forever be associated with him (and with all the harm and ruined reputation that brings) is, once again, further reminder of just how... damn good ren is. he doesn't hesitate to speak from the heart nor does he ever fail to listen to someone else speak from theirs.

-- also not for nothing but uh

how did the cops not like

figure out how the PT phan-site was set up within the first few months and track it down to mishima? was that ever addressed at all?

-- honestly another reason why i get so fucking mad about this okumura stuff is the game goes SO FAR OUT OF ITS WAY to make you feel BAD that he died, when he was by all rights a fucking shitheel monster, yet when akechi dies it's like 'oh well. that sucked.' fuck off, atlus. the death of a greedy, heartless CEO isn't more sad just because his gaslit daughter is conditioned to be sad about it.

i understand that a large part of the shock after okumura's death is because the PT don't know if they did anything wrong. but okumura was in no way a good person. he was in no way a person whose redemption overruled all the hurt and harm he did. that has been the case for EVERY PT target before this, so why the fuck is okumura suddenly so different? why SHOULD he be?

the difference between him and, say, akechi is that okumura et. al. all made those choices on their own to do terrible things. they delighted in it, they enjoyed it. but akechi, much like futaba, was forced into a cycle of self-destruction--it’s just that in futaba’s case, her self-destruction targeted herself, and akechi’s was quite literally weaponized and used against others. he approached shido as a young teenager and was then used by him for years.

a teenage boy being used as a magical hitman by his shitlord father is far more deserving of sympathy and redemption than grown adults who willingly make the decision to harm, abuse, and prey on others. but no, the game didn’t want to do that.

this is another big problem i have with p5's second and third acts: it's so tonally dissonant and sloppy. it's like they didn't try to actually be as rebellious and hellraiser-y as the first act WANTED to be, and it all ends up being such a limp-dick shriveled mess of "let's fight against this rotten society!! ......... as long as it in no way actually upsets anyone or does any REAL change." fuck off lmao

that's not me even commenting on the "twist" and how it needed to be explained MULTIPLE TIMES to the player for it to make any sense.

and it still doesn't make sense to me btw.

so that's another thing i hope p5r fixes.

-- rip evil dave thomas megamind.

-- akechi floating the idea to sae that the phantom thieves had nothing to do with okmura’s death is............................ interesting.