#was gonna post this on valentine’s day but i’m pressuring myself to make something else for vday

[vvenuspng]

not just one but two of us could be lovers though

[randomlyritchie]

#RitchieReflects: I Don’t Want To Overly Romanticize My Life Anymore. ✌🏾

Sooo, I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day this year because I was done with the overcompensation of it. I actually do love Valentine’s Day, but this year it made me sad. So why pretend that the day doesn’t suck? I knew going into this weekend that I wasn’t going to overly enjoy it. There was no particular reason for why, it’s just that my life is still my life even on a long weekend. Life honestly hasn’t been the same since my Grandma got sick. Life hasn’t been the same since the pandemic. I definitely don’t feel like life began at 40. Yes, I mostly feel like age is a number, but I also feel like I walked into a dead season. I literally turned 40 in May of 2020. The truth is, I’ve experienced a lot of hard hitting, traumatic change since the end of 2019 (when my Grandma first got sick). I feel this weird pressure to be happy more than I am. But why would I honestly be happy? On any given day, I could get a call telling me that my Grandma is gone. I’m not where I want to be in different areas of my life. I feel like I always have to work so hard at everything & feel like I get such minimal results. My heart is once again tied up in someone who isn’t with me. Why am I supposed to be happy again? 😂😂😂

One thing about me, I like to be honest & real. Am I depressed? Not totally. Does life feel like it’s on the mend? Yes, it honestly really does. Is taking long weekends, fasting, working on a book, running & low key feeling like I’ve become too influenced by influencer culture helping me? It’s not that these things don’t help, because they do. Nevertheless, they don’t take away the pain that I feel inside. For example: the other day I was at work doing inventory & listening to “Ain’t It Fun” by Paramore. When it got to the part about not crying to your mama, I randomly got choked up because it somehow reminded me of the situation with my Grandma. Like, even when we were off on MLK day, I cried on & off that day for similar reasons. It’s like I’m okay…but I’m not okay. I’m still grieving multiple things. Nothing seems to be completely taking that away…BUT TIME. I can’t be this beam of happiness for everyone else. Call me Debbie Downer, I literally don’t care. I don’t want to be fake. For a time, I’ve been posting to hold myself accountable & I’m not saying I’m never gonna post my progress again. Even before the pandemic, I believed in just trying to make the little moments in your life happy. I was romanticizing before it became a thing. I just can’t live up to everyone’s happiness meter for me. People want me to be happy way too much without considering my reality. I think the greatest gauge is my doctor who told me that I’m a totally different person than when she first met me, and I am. Life doesn’t completely feel like this season of death that it once did…but I’m still not out of the woods yet…& that’s honestly so okay. Love me because I’m honest with you. Did this weekend suck? No. I actually accomplished some things. Did I have depression over the state of my non existent family? Yes. Can I just wake up & be happy when I realize that my Grandma was right in saying the her & God was all I had? No. Am I getting stronger about it & looking forward to living my life apart from my family (because that’s just how it is right now). Yes. So these are just some of my morning thoughts because I once again feel like I failed to fully enjoy something. But how can I? It’s not even a reality right now. I’m not completely sad…but I’m not completely happy. And that’s absolutely just fine. A lot of people are not as happy as they seem…I’m just honest enough to tell you about it. 😊💖✨

[manjuhitorie]

High Gain - Shinoda’s Hitori-Atelier blog posts - REAMP Digest volume 2

Shinoda's blog post via Hitori-Atelier!

Please consider joining Hitori-Atelier and supporting Hitorie's ventures today. How-to here: https://boatmanju.wixsite.com/hitorietranslations/hitorie-atelier

Unlike curved edge, which we were pulling our hair out over...

This song went from nothing to something in a matter of moments, no joke. If I remember correctly it took about one day to finish the whole thing, lyrics included. It was done in a flash So I can’t really find much to talk about.

We’ve only one guitar now so Making two-edged riffs like we did before is out of the realm of possibility So I toiled to make a riff with oomph to it with just my lone guitar. So there’s actually three different recordings overlapping in there, I had to make efforts to veil the number of guitars. During the ooh~ oooh~ part of the outro there’s even an acoustic guitar there as well. Did y’all notice? For concerts I think I’m gonna find some sort of edgy fuzz pedal for this song. 

The guitar solo that pops in for a moment in the second part of the song wasn’t actually supposed to be the real take. I just happened to play so so gosh damn well on a random take so we just went with it. I played so well that you’d almost think I was on drugs or something.

Reviews are raving over the bass, When the recording of the bass part was nearing completion, me or our engineer Hirai-san (I can’t remember which) proposed “How about ygarshy tries playing a free style full one-take?”. ygarshy playing however he pleases is a sight to behold, because each and every phrase he pumped up was way overpowered. My fear of him grows stronger. So we cut and paste the especially sick portions of ygarshy’s free style take, and with that the bass part was complete.

While I think Yumao was all excited that the new issue snare he got was a perfect match for the song or something. I’m happy for him.

That reminds me... There’s tons of different ways to eat food, and the ‘best way’ to eat it varies from person to person. Sometimes the people in charge of the food can be anal about that, forceful even, and even get fucking pissed if you don’t follow suit. Like if they say ‘start from the soup’. This kinda thing applies to music as well, as the ‘best way’ to listen to music varies from person to person. Be it that you need to be in a certain situation or mood, or whether you’re alone or drunk or in a club or not. Or maybe it needs to be high resolution or on the radio or from a tape recorder or maybe you built your own sound system. The possibilities are endless. If you want to change the frequency of something then you can just equalize it yourself. Restaurants give you condiments and allow you to boost the flavor in the same matter.

Then of course there’s the option of concerts. Everyone gets to talk about stuff like ‘That thing in that concert was insane, nothing can beat that thing from back then, I was there when the best take of that thing happened.’ etc. Then even the option of performing it yourself can be true too. In a way we Hitorie ourselves may be the ones who get to chow down on Hitorie’s music in the best way possible. I’m just sayin’

Just recently I found out my very own ‘best way’ to listen to “loveless”, a song by “my bloody valentine(maibura for short), a band I’ve respected for years now. So I thought I’d share it with y’all.

I need to listen to it on a volume so loud that my headphones are on the verge of exploding. The key word here is headphones. The sound pressure of their entire album is set fairly low, so compared to other modern music the monotony of the beat and tone + the feebleness of the sound pressure is borderline unpermittable in the world’s current climate. So it’s all about blasting those tedious tangents of the song into your ears at a volume high enough to blow you away.

Contrary to my bloody valentines’ chill and gloomy demeanor, their ideas on concerts are pretty damn violent ones. They perform at a volume way louder than your standard concert, to the point that they even hand out earplugs. Back when I first saw them in 2008 it was at the Fujirock festival, which is outdoors, so I didn’t get a real sense for the level of noise. So after that when I saw their own concerts at venues and indoor events I learned that their volume level is dangerously off the rail.

Then it hit me... ‘Isn’t this the same as the ‘Start from the soup’ thing?! Isn’t this like a ‘you gotta listen to it at a volume loud enough to make you go deaf' thing?! So isn’t like my bloody valentine is telling us that this is the best most tasty way to listen to it!?’ And without a moment to lose I flung my headphones onto my head and blasted ‘loveless’.

Wow. This is somethin’ else. It’s a whole new ‘loveless’. This whole album is tuned in a way that exudes ‘You fool- you don’t listen to this with your ears, you listen with your brain’ energy. The intro of the second track ‘loomer’ With enough heavy fuzz and bass to send your whole fucking head spinning. Their classic song ‘when you sleep’ too has these centralized scratchy distorted strokes and... I never knew how much they could eat away at your brain until now.

My headphones are vibrating so much that the sound quality is taking a dump but that somehow makes it all the more pleasing.   All along I had been clueless as to what ‘my bloody valentine’ are really all about.... Now, this 2021, I’m a firm believer in the power of ‘my bloody valentine’, the weight of my foolishness and the ringing in my ears have shown me the truth.

Back to High Gain though. I just wanted to say that you should blast this song at max volume, though Shinoda here has shamefully not tried it himself yet. This is a HIGHly serious matter. It’s true that we made REAMP before I ever even experienced the glory of the loud ‘loveless’, and we do always make music with the idea of a pure raw banger in mind so, We didn’t design it to be listened to at an unholy volume or anything. Now I’m worried that it’s going to just sound like shit so, I gotta take the punch myself first. I thought as I blasted High Gain, same as loveless, loud enough to make a kitten curl. Aaaaghh

Ooooohh

Yeah!

This is fantastic!!!!!!!

This is the shit!!!!!!! This is fine! Try it for yourself!!!!!!! Warning: loud volumes pose a high risk of damaging your ears. Normally I would not recommend you try this at home. Attempt at your own risk.

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[sceosource]

That’s a wrap! Thank you to everyone that participated in Sceo Week 2020! There were a lot of amazing works this year and we couldn’t be happier with the participation! Please continue to follow us for future Sceo events. :-)

Below is the round-up post for all the content that qualified for the event.

FICS (General - Mature)

Boardshorts and Bandsaws by Numendar Loss is not a fine cut thing, sometimes you have to lose to become more than you were.

I'd Give You My Sunshine by tiniestawoo (thosewhofall) Scott wasn’t exactly surprised that, of all the people who might call him from jail, it had been Theo’s voice on the other end of the line. What had surprised Scott, though, were the long silences and out of character insecurity in his voice. Stiles would undoubtedly have hung up the call and left Theo to face the consequences of whatever he was calling ‘wrong place, wrong time stuff’. But that just meant Scott knew he shouldn't.Ignoring someone who needed help had never really been Scott’s strong suit. For all the undeniable wrong Theo had done, when Scott asked him to step up and help them, he had.-Or the one where Theo Raeken used to be a sex worker, gets arrested, and throws a kink into Scott's carefully crafted sense normalcy.

tell me somethin' i ain't heard before by CerinityKS “So that alpha…” Scott started, voice tense. Theo nodded.“Not sure what, exactly, he would have done but it likely wouldn’t have been… pleasant.”“And when he said you belonged to me…”“Well,” Theo hedged, knowing his next words likely wouldn’t help. “He wasn’t completely wrong.”(or theo lets scott in on some truths about being an omega, scott loses his damn mind, and theo is annoyed but secretly loves it, really. as long as it doesn't kill him first.)

Under the Stars by TheKingsChimera First ever submission for Sceo Week. Hope you enjoy. Prompt is "First Time".

Matched by xartificialsweetnerx & DemonzDust Valentine’s Day is around the corner and Scott is in charge of his animal shelter’s holiday-themed adoption event. Little does Scott know that his perpetually single existence is preventing his best friend from finally tying the knot with his own match. And as for Theo? Well, he is just plain unable to admit he needs a match of his own.

What Should Have Been Ours II by DemonzDust After being kidnapped and tortured by Mr. Douglas, Theo has learned the truth about why the Dread Doctors chose him as a child. He now knows that Scott was supposed to be his soulmate, and that the Dread Doctors intentionally corrupted him to keep them apart. Now Scott saved him from Douglas's clutches, but the True Alpha has no idea what Theo learned and Theo plans on keeping it that way.

I shouldn't have ask. by Elit3 This is the third part of my series. This will explore Theo's childhood and his encounter with the dread doctors. There will also be Stiles' feelings about the chimera. Will the elders of the group finally accept Theo in the pack?

These violent delights by Prospero_Caliban After Theo has a very normal surgery Scott wants to start a relationship with him. Theo wants to make things right even if that means saying no. Making decisions is hard now that he thinks about others. give me your heart cuz i ain't gonna break it by CerinityKS “She said it was a gift,” he continued.Deaton glanced up in surprise. “A gift? Now that is interesting.”“Why? What is this stuff?” Liam asked.“A double-edged sword,” Deaton explained, then continued at their confused and, in Scott’s case, frustrated, expressions. “A gift is one way to describe it. This substance,” he swiped a finger through the powder coating Theo’s neck in demonstration, “is a type of hallucinogenic,” he explained.“So Theo is hallucinating right now?” Malia asked as she wrinkled her nose, clearly not seeing what was so bad about that.“In a sense,” Deaton agreed. “But it’s a very specific type of hallucination. See this substance is used to give the victim a glimpse of their soulmate.”(or theo gets whammied, scott freaks out, get jealous, and somehow the only two who don't see whats happening are theo and scott.) Dear Scott by DemonzDust SummaryIn a dusty shoebox tucked into the back corner of Scott’s closet there’s a box of letters from his secret grade school crush.

Damn be the body temperature. by Prospero_Caliban SummarySince his body temperature is lower than others Theo has to think about sharing this problem with Scott. New Wolf in the Old Guard by liliaeth SummaryAfter Scott is killed by hunters, he somehow manages to recover from what should be unsurvivable, even for an alpha. The worst part though, are the dreams, as he keeps dreaming of a woman locked in a coffin burried in the ocean. Termination Shock by Escalus Termination Shock: The point in space where the solar wind -- the pressure generated by the sun -- is finally overwhelmed by the strength of the interstellar medium. Often used to mark the end of our solar system.In other words, it is the point where everything you've ever known -- everything you could have possibly known -- has ended, and every step you take after that is into some vast new darkness, where the only source of light and comfort is that which you bring with you.Scott McCall, permanently blinded by his fight with the Anuk-Ite and ravaged by indescribable tragedy, embarks on a quest to stop Monroe from ruining any more lives. He won't risk anyone else he cares about on this dangerous mission, but he can't go alone. Who cares about Theo Raeken anyway?

FICS (Explicit)

Alpha Needs by DemonzDust As Scott turns into the six month anniversary of his eighteenth birthday his body begins to undergo a new transformation that threatens to drive him mad. After advice from Derek, he seeks release in the form of a chimera that’s been trying to worm his way back into the pack since summer started.

Where There’s a Waiter, There’s a Way by ColetheWolf Scott McCall and Derek Hale are celebrating their first year anniversary at a fancy restaurant, but Scott finds himself venturing into the realm of infidelity for the first time with the hot waiter, Theo Raeken. now all i want is your body close to mine by CerinityKS Theo had no idea how the fuck he’d gotten himself into this situation.This situation being Scott mouthing at his neck, the hot press of his body behind him as his hands worked their way under his shirt. Theo whined, heat racing through him as he pressed back against Scott, erection straining against his jeans.He could hear yelling in the other room, raised voices and the scent of anger attempting to penetrate through the haze of lust and want clouding his head. Scott, sensing his attention drifting, bit down sharply on the crook of his neck. Theo gasped and shuddered, going limp in Scott’s arms and trusting the alpha to keep him upright. Scott rewarded him with an apologetic lick at the angry wound as one of his hands dipped beneath the band of his jeans.(or the boys get whammied by sex pollen and uh, help each other out - including theo typical angst and a scott more in tune with his emotions than theo expected, but he's not complaining.)

There's Only One Van by TamerOfPickles Scott, Theo, Stiles, and Liam are on their first tour as an up and coming band. Their gigs don't pay much yet, so they save money sleeping in the back of their van while one of them drives to the next location. Being cooped up in a small space causes things to get a little more intimate than they expected.

Finding Something to Do by TamerOfPickles While searching the Dread Doctors' complex, Scott and Theo accidentally get trapped together in a bunker with a twenty-four hour lock.

The Trouble with Portals by VolsungartheMighty Stuck in quarantine, unable to visit each other, Theo and Scott are desperate for sex. Weeks locked away with only their hands for company, Theo manages to find something that might ease the tension.

i'm not tryna be your part time lover by CerinityKS “Whatever McCall,” Theo sneered, “suck my dick.”Not the best comeback but at this point Theo just wanted this confrontation to be over so he could head over to the gym and pound his frustration out on a punching bag. He didn’t expect Scott to stop, give him a considering look, then close the distance between them in a blink and drop to his knees. Theo stumbled back into the row of lockers behind him, eyes wide and ready to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing when Scott reached out, grabbed the band of Theo’s shorts and underwear, pull them down in one quick move, and then dart forward to take Theo’s into his mouth.(or theo and scott are dumb high school jocks who start blowing each other after school - featuring pining, dumb boys being dumb, jealousy, and their captive audience the rest of the beacon hills high students) See Me After Class by TheorianDG SummaryIt's not that Scott is surprised, there were always certain types that flocked to dating apps and truth be told he hadn't expected much. The first few he'd ignored but then came Theo, who on top of being genuinely interesting just so happened to be a student at the university. Christ, why did he let Stiles talk him into this?

It's a Long Way Home (When You're On Your Own) by clotpolesonly “I didn’t, like, come looking for you,” Scott finally managed. “I just caught your scent over at the…”At the gas station. Around behind the gas station, where all the most questionable smells were concentrated. The ones Scott had opted not to examine too closely. He still wasn’t sure that he wanted to.Instead, he blurted out, “Are you living in your car?”Theo’s pink cheeks grew pinker. His sharp eyes narrowed dangerously. “No, Scott, I’m putting myself up at the Hilton with the fortune I have in the bank.”It was Scott’s turn to flush.

Mistaken at first sight by Notsalony One time doesn’t mean anything, two times, usually means something, but three times, that clearly means something right? At least that’s how the pack feels. One Size fits my Boyfriend by Notsalony Scott and Theo are dating and they’re roughly the same size. So why shouldn’t they share clothes? Theo can’t think of one good reason either… even if it ends up with him naked a lot of the time.

VISUAL FAN WORKS (FAN ART, EDITS, AND GIFSETS)

Tyler Posey & Cody Christian on Wolf Watch by @sceosource

I’d Give You My Sunshine Promo by @tiniestawoo

Sceo  Stydia Edit by @demonzdust

Theo staring at his salvation by @sceoedits​

Alpha Needs Promo by @demonzdust

Sceo Commission for What Should Have Been Ours by @akimao

peace.  // folklore by @tiniestawoo

First Time by @sceosource

Scott Protecting Theo, Teen Wolf 6x07 by @sceoedits

totally correct sceo texts by @demonzdust

Matched Promo by @demonzdust

Theo ‘Heart Eyes’ Raeken looking at Scott by @tiniestawoo

softer world by @tiniestawoo

Scott & Theo, Teen Wolf 5x09 (Ouroboros) by @sceoedits

Scott x Theo by @prrtnrr commissioned/posted by @demonzdust

What Should Have Been Ours II Promo by @demonzdust

Tyler Posey and Cody Christian Flirting at Comic-Con by @sceosource

When you’re thinking about your crush in class by @sceoedits

I’d Give You My Sunshine CH2 Promo by @tiniestawoo

Dear Scott Promo by @demonzdust

Lovestruck Theo by @sceoedits​

Sugar, we’re going down swinging by @tiniestawoo

Sun and Moon by @testostones​ commissioned by @princeescaluswords

I’d Give You My Sunshine CH3 Promo by @tiniestawoo​

IT’S A LONG WAY HOME Promo by @tiniestawoo posted by @clotpolesonly

A Hogwarts AU by @tabbytabbytabby

Saturday Night (Music Video) by @nyxelestia​

[welshdragonrawr]

For the Valentine's Day asks: 1-5, 7-11, 13-17, 19, 20, 22-27, 29-33, 35, 39, 41-43, 44 (fuck, marry, kill: Amanda, Audrey, Ally), 47-49 pleeeeeeease?? I know I said I wouldn't request a million but I'm a curious bean hehe ;)

Seeing as it is actually Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d finally answer these. Under the cut, because it’s a loooooong post and I didn’t want to overtake peeps’ dash. Well here goes;

(Also, the post format messed up, but I couldn’t be bothered to fix them because this already took ages so they’re just in the order asked and I bolded answers so they stand out)

do you have a crush on anyone? - I do indeed, and I am fairly certain they are well aware of it ;)

what’s your favorite candy? - It changes all the time because I have such a sweet tooth but right now chocolate-wise it’s probably cadbury or kinder chocolate, and actual candy probably haribo (tangfastics to be precise)

favorite love song? - There are too many to choose from or list here but right now it’s probably still ‘Wasteland Baby’ by Hozier, You Are In Love by Taylor Swift, or for entirely cheesy reasons a certain someone might know Hero by Enrique Iglesias 

what was your first kiss like? - Terrible because I didn’t know what I was doing and was with entirely the wrong person at the wrong time and I didn’t know it then

what was your last kiss like? - If it’s the one I’m allowed to think of in this context, pretty damn good ;)

do you prefer poems or love letters? - Both - I can’t decide, because I love anything remotely like that, when someone goes to the length of composing something like either of those because they were thinking of me? Incredible! 

favorite fanfic trope? - Slow-Burn if that counts, with a side order of fake dating or mutual pining, potentially both at once heheh 

have you ever been in love? Mayyyybeeee, maybe I aaaaam, I’ll just have to let you ponder that one ;)

favorite milkshake flavor? - Chocolate brownie, even if I can’t have too much because then it gets sickly but in small quantities? Yesssss! Or cookies&cream in any variation

dinner dates or brunch dates? - This one was tough because I don’t really have any experience with either, but I think Brunch dates, and not just because I would have much much less anxiety about awkward food ordering and stuff, plus I feel like Brunch dates have much less formal expectation about them, and you have the rest of the day after to do more things if you want to!

favorite perfume/cologne?  - Probably the Ghost one that has a bottle shaped like the moon, or Good Girl by Caroline Herrera (the bottle looks like a high heel?)

favorite candle scent? - There’s a seasonal Yankee Candle one they do around Christmas time that I cannot remember the name of for the life of me right now, but it’s just the right kind of sweetness in the air when you have it burning for a lil while? If I ever remember what it is I’ll come back and edit this post haha

what’s your ideal first date? - I’m not really sure, because all types of dates make me nervous especially first dates haha. I’d like to leave it up to the other person to decide what we do, as long as I could treat them in some way with whatever it is/wherever we go? 

favorite love story? - Are we talking classics or fandom or...? What currently springs off the top of my head though is Hades & Persephone - I’m convinced he didn’t ‘steal her’ to be a dick, he stole her away to somewhere cool and calm away from the pressures and terrors of life on the surface so she could catch her breath for a couple months, and can we blame her? And he makes her his Queen, like - if he was gonna be mean, he could have made her his slave, or his concubine or his pet or something, but instead he gave her his whole world to rule with him. Sounds like a better guy than that bastard ol’ Zeus, no? (Historians/Classics students please don’t fight me) 

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear? - Happiness. Doesn’t matter to me whether you’re wearing a trash bag, or a Chanel dress or your faded ol’ pjs or not a single thread. So long as you’re happy and you’ve got that glow about you and that bright shine in your eyes? Yeah..

snow, rain, or sun? -  I love all three for different reasons (I’m indecisive, don’t judge me, or do) give me a snow day with my dog or my lover with hot chocolate and snowmen and flurries out the window, or an afternoon reading inside while it rains with blankets and a cup of tea, or a sunny afternoon walk with just the right amount of cool breeze to keep it balmy but bright? Yes please. But again, if I had to choose, probably rain... Because I live in England for one thing, but there’s something so comforting about the rain.

sweetest romantic memory? - My partner at the time took me to a second-hand bookshop and let me browse the stacked shelves as long as I liked, and I found a hardback copy of a book by a fave author but it was too expensive so just admired it and put it back, then when my birthday rolled around 2 weeks later, they turned up with that same book they had gone back for without telling me as a surprise gift

fictional crushes? - Cordelia Goode, Theo Crain, Mildred Ratched, I could keep listing but that means we’d be here forever and if you’ve been following me long enough you probably already know anyway...

what’s your dream wedding like? - This would need a whole post on its own to answer if I could actually be decisive and sit down with some thought over it. But alas... I don’t really know, I’d like things to be somewhat fancy and romantic, but I’d also like for it not to feel all stuffy and super serious like, that everyone can have fun and be a little goofy and a little merry and not have to worry about oh am I doing this certain thing right or feeling all self-conscious while dancing. So I’m not really sure how to narrow it down into specific details or events...? Except, there’s a really dumb nerdy part of me that wants to be able to do the cake slicing with a sword rather than a knife. Because reasons. 

what makes you blush? - Too much. Usually compliments. 

do you believe in love at first sight? - I believe in *attraction* at first sight, and *affection* you find or work for later. 

do you believe in soulmates? - Yeah, but I also believe a soulmate doesn’t have to be someone you’re in love with or a romantic partner, a soulmate can just as easily be a friend you keep on keeping on through this silly little game of life with, y’know? You’ve both been dealt shitty hands, but you’d be willing to share each others cards to get through, and some other cheesy af analogies...

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets? - Leather jackets, tho technically I have worn and do wear all three so - I hoard jackets like some people hoard shoes and handbags, it’s a problem

are you single? - if you know you know, and that’s the that on that ;)

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed? - Both? I love to see the look on a partners face when they’re charmed, all blushing and cute and sparkly eyes and big smiles - I think I like to be charmed too but I would also get suuuuper awkward and not sure what to do with it or in response to it because I’m not used to being on the receiving end of attention like that?

guitar or piano? - I love both, and girls who can play either/both are heavensent sirens who can have me under their spell for hours (I think it’s the hand thing again, see?) but if I had to choose it would have to be Piano.

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)? - Um... Does Love & Other Drugs count? Or Imagine Me And You - I’m not big on too many ‘traditional’ rom-coms because they make me cringe way too often, and often not in a good way, but there’s sometimes the odd one I enjoy! (Though I must admit, being British, Bridget Jones and Love Actually are like, historical treasures so...)

do you fall in love easily? - Nope. I mean, do I love people easily? Yeah I try to give the best of myself to the people I cherish as much as possible. But do I *fall in love* easily? Nah, takes a while before this oblivious lil heart realises it.

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal? - Oh gosh, honestly, I don’t know... I’m one of those people that *love* to do anything and everything to bring a smile to my partner’s face and make them happy and there’s just something so magical about seeing their face light up and their eyes sparkle, y’know? So I feel like I would want to do that by giving them the perfect proposal for them (but on the flipside this means I would also be incredibly *terrified* of ever doing it remotely wrong/not exactly how they wanted it, or getting the wrong kind of ring or all of that plethora of details and minutiae that could be messed up ahha). But also, I kinda wouldn’t mind being proposed to either? Like I’m so used to taking care of other people, it might be nice, at the risk of sounding like a bad pokemon promo. to have that validation of someone else saying ‘I choose you’ y’know? As for dream proposal, much like dream wedding, I’m not entirely sure? As long as it’s memorable and with the one I love? (Which is such a cop-out answer) I honestly don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it, probably because I never really thought it was happen so I figured why think about something that’s never gonna happen ahhah. Somewhere picturesque I guess? So I could really capture the picture in my mind for the rest of my lifen, not like for a social media photo post or any of that shit but just for myself to look back on, if any of that essay ramble makes any sense. 

kittens or puppies? - How DARE- Nope. It’s both. I’m sorry but it’s both. They are both adorable AF and I will love and pet and cherish them all. 

favorite soda? - Cola I guess? And don’t try to rope me into the Pepsi V Coke thing, because honestly I like both for different reasons and choosing one over the other seems silly when either of them tastes good if you’ve got enough whiskey or rum in them ;) 

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa? - I rather like doing both tbf, but if I’m gonna be honest, give me ‘cosied up under a blanket, with a mug of hot tea/coffee gazing wistfully out the window at whatever weather is going on outside, any day.

favorite ABBA song? - How dare you - umm... Slipping Through My Fingers or The Winner Takes It All because I am at heart a soppy dramatic fool.

fuck/marry/kill? (anons name 3 people of your choice) - You meanie, how dare you make me decide such a thing. Buuuut Fuck Ally (cuz you just *know* that canon wlw got some mooooves), Marry Amanda (because she seems like someone I could get along with in all the day to day stuff y’know? Like, I could settle down with her, you feel me?) and don’t hate me but you asked the question but Kill Audrey (*runs and hides*)

do you think about love a lot? - Yeah, I think so, in all its different incarnations. As a writer I’m kinda obligated to? But I think I think about it even when I’m not super aware of it or the reasons for or why. 

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach? - It’s a tough once because I love it when the light filters *just so* through trees and looks so pretty, but the beach has the lapping waves and soft sand to walk on and pretty colours at sunsets and sharing ice creams/chips/doughnuts/pretzels and- Yeah so beach probably.

hand kisses or nose kisses? - Hand kisses, fo’sho, because haaaands

[technoskittles]

Pure Feeling Playlist

Okay, so I had someone on twitter express interest in the songs I have for my playlist for Pure Feeling and figured, yeah, I could share it. I don’t have a spotify (I don’t like the interface plus the music selection is way too limited for my taste) and the playlist itself is on Youtube Music. It’s also private because I don’t really want random people seeing it or other people messing with it if I unlocked it, so I’ll just type up all the songs here with links that way y’all can scroll through and listen to what you want.

I understand there’s probably an easier and faster way to do this probably, but hey, with the quarantine I clearly have some extra time on my hands so why not?

Though, couple of warnings:

1. It’s LOOOOOOONG (it’s 300+ songs in total) (don’t worry I’m gonna put this under a cut)

2. Some of the songs aren’t going to make much sense in terms of the AU. This is for two reasons: a) Some of the songs allude to events/characters that haven’t shown up in the story yet (there’s a LOT of songs regarding Mara’s father) and b) some of them are just general songs that I use to get a basis of emotion/vibe when writing particular types of scenes.

3. My music tastes are all over the place (and this doesn’t even include some of the other genres I listen to just because it doesn’t fit this AU lol)

But this playlist is my main muse and is probably one of the best insights to my process/inner thoughts so, without further ado.....my full playlist.

(I grouped the songs from the same artist together for the easiest convenience)

(And some songs might kind of be repeats if I listen to multiple versions for the purpose of this fic)

Got any favorites? Any songs that worry you about the future of this fic? Or just something you might want more clarification on? Feel free to shoot me ask about it!

South London Forever by Florence + The Machine

Patricia by Florence + The Machine

I Will Be by Florence + The Machine

Too Much Is Never Enough by Florence + The Machine

You’ve Got The Love by Florence + The Machine

Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine

Ship To Wreck by Florence + The Machine

St. Jude by Florence + The Machine

Over The Love by Florence + The Machine

Pure Feeling by Florence + The Machine (hey look it’s the fic title)

Heavy In Your Arms by Florence + The Machine

What Kind Of Man by Florence + The Machine

Stuck On You by Meiko

Stuck On You (Acoustic Version) by Meiko

Adventure of A Lifetime by Coldplay

Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay

Hymn For The Weekend by Coldplay

Simple and Clean by Hikaru Utada

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - FYI - Hikaru Utada

Be My Last by Hikaru Utada

Colors by Hikaru Utada

Distance (M-Flo Remix) by Hikaru Utada

Without You (Justice Skolnik Remix) by Oh Wonder

Rockabye by Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie

In The Rain (an unofficial rendition from Miraculous Ladybug by David Russell)

Stone Heart (an unofficial rendition from Miraculous Ladybug by sxrlove06)

Lost In The Moment by Daniel Lee Kendall

Fragile by ARCADES

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood

Scary Love by The Neighbourhood

Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

Sweater Weather (Vaski Remix) by The Neighbourhood

Honest by The Neighbourhood

Alleyways by The Neighbourhood

Stuck With Me by The Neighbourhood

Lights by Ellie Goulding

Goodness Gracious (The Chainsmokers Remix) by Ellie Goulding

Still Falling For You by Ellie Goulding

Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding

Don’t Need Nobody by Ellie Goulding

Candy-Coloured Sky by Catmosphere

‘Till We’re In The Sea by RKCB

affection by Jinsang

summers day v2 by Jinsang

Let Go by Frou Frou

Must Be Dreaming by Frou Frou

I Just Want You by Robert Duncan

Forget by Alicks

Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier

Nevermind by Dennis Lloyd

Let It Happen by Tame Impala

Think About You by Kygo ft. Valerie Broussard

First Time by Kygo ft. Ellie Goulding

Fragile by Kygo ft. Labrinth

Feel Your Love by Nyquill

I See You by MISSIO

Learn To Let Go by Kesha

Praying by Kesha

I Love My Life by Justice Crew

Sex by Cheat Codes x Kris Kross Amsterdam

Everlong by Foo Fighters

Party Like It’s Your Birthday by Studio Killers

The Disappearance of The Girl by Phildel

Soul On Fire by Mystery Skulls

we’ve never met but, can we have coffee or something? by in love with a ghost

What is Love? by Y//2//K & Yung Death Ray ft. Jaymes Young

A Manner to Act by Ra Ra Riot

Suckers by Ra Ra Riot

Do You Remember by Ra Ra Riot

You And I Know by Ra Ra Riot

Oh, La by Ra Ra Riot

Can You Tell by Ra Ra Riot

Consequence by The Notwist

Anyone Else by PVRIS

Dead Weight by PVRIS

Can You Hold Me by NF ft. Britt Nicole

Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John

No Fear by Dej Loaf

I’ve Been Waiting by Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen ft. Fall Out Boy

Give U Up by CALVIN (I’m sorry in advance for this one)

Heartbeat by Scouting For Girls

Keep It Simple by Tove Lo

Sweettalk My Heart by Tove Lo

Glad He’s Gone by Tove Lo

Not On Drugs by Tove Lo

Got Love by Tove Lo

Crave by Tove Lo

Paradise by Tove Lo

Moments by Tove Lo

Talking Body by Tove Lo

Habits (Stay High) by Tove Lo

Scars by Tove Lo

Out Of Your Mind by Tove Lo

Vibes by Tove Lo

Lies In The Dark by Tove Lo

Come Undone by Tove Lo

dont ask dont tell by Tove Lo

Cherry Blossom by ALA.NI

Feels Like Home by The Him ft. Son Mieux

Quiet by Lights

Skydiving by Lights

365 by Zedd & Katy Perry

Left to Right by Marteen

Could You Love Me? by Black Saint

Midnight City by M83

Marble Soda by Shawn Wasabi

Crystal Dolphin by Engelwood

Pusher (Shawn Wasabi Remix) by Clear ft. Mothica

She’s A Riot by The Jungle Giants

Stranger by Jay Hayden & King Vodka

Now That I’ve Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen

Marty McFly by Luke Christopher

Rocks by Imagine Dragons

All Day And Night by Jax Jones ft. Madison Beer & Martin Solveig

Run Free by Deep Chills ft. IVIE

Maps by Maroon 5

Feelings by Maroon 5

blue by Pools

High Hopes (The Lucifer Edit) by Quails

breathin’ by Ariana Grande

Into You by Ariana Grande

Shy Girl by Kedam

Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club

What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club

Sleep Alone by Two Door Cinema Club

This Is The Life by Two Door Cinema Club

Do You Want It All? by Two Door Cinema Club

Sun by Two Door Cinema Club

Eat That Up, It’s Good For You by Two Door Cinema Club

Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club

Sunflower by Post Malone & Swan Lee

Señorita by Shawn Medes & Camila Cabello

Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

Everybody’s Angel by Down With Webster

All Fall Down by OneRepublic

Counting Stars by OneRepublic

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T by Fall Out Boy

Jenny by Walk The Moon

Youth by Daughter

Get Lucky (Cover) by Daughter

Love by Daughter

River Flows In You by Yiruma

Girls And Boys In School by Neon Trees

Girls And Boys In School (EP Version) by Neon Trees

Helpless by Neon Trees

In The Next Room by Neon Trees

Beings by Madeon

Dried-Out Cities by Fallulah

Bloodline by Fallulah

Almost Home by Mariah Carey

Headlock by Imogen Heap

Closing In by Imogen Heap

Lifeline by Imogen Heap

Goodnight And Go by Imogen Heap

First Train Home by Imogen Heap

I Am In Love With You by Imogen Heap

The Walk by Imogen Heap

More by Kaskade & Felix Cartal ft. Jenn Blosil

Lay Down by Kaskade & Late Night Alumni

My Distance by Kaskade

Lessons In Love by Kaskade ft. Neon Trees

Kill The Lights (Audien Remix) by Alex Newell ft. DJ Cassidy, Nile Rogers, & Jess Glynne

Fall In Love/Lie by INNA

Cola Song by INNA

Caliente by INNA

Iguana by INNA

Ruleta by INNA ft. Erik

I Like You by INNA

Love by INNA

Shining Star by INNA

Bebe by INNA

Bebe (Yaniss Extended Remix) by INNA

Better Not by Louis The Child ft. Wafia

Living Island by Pogo

Still Into You by Paramore

Hard Times by Paramore

Emergency by Paramore

Ignorance by Paramore

I Caught Myself by Paramore

Letting Go by HERB x Kendall Miles

To Be Human by Sia ft. Labrinth

Big Girls Cry (ODESZA Remix) by Sia

Elastic Heart by Sia

Angel By The Wings by Sia

If You Didn’t See Me (Then You Weren’t On The Dancefloor) by Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

Butterfly In The Still by Iwasaki Taku

Dare (La La La) by Shakira

Me Enamore by Shakira

Loca by Shakira ft. Dizzee Rascal

Te Aviso, Te Anuncio (Tango) by Shakira

Addicted To You by Shakira

Whenever, Wherever by Shakira

When A Woman by Shakira

Can’t Remember To Forget You by Shakira ft. Rihanna

Better Than Yesterday by HollySiz

This is What You Came For by Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna

Sweet Nothing by Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

Rain by Pueblo Vista ft. .Eehlou & Shiloh Dynasty

G.B.D. Pressure (Extended) by Chillster

Valentine by Aether ft. Veela

Lemme See by Usher ft. Rick Ross

Promises by Aly & AJ

Like Whoa by Aly & AJ

Silence by Aly & AJ

Find A Way by Safety Suit

Ordinary Day by Emilie Mover

Green Light by Lorde

Don’t Feel Like Crying (MK Remix) by Sigrid

Crazy in Love by EDEN ft. Leah Kelly

Broken Girl by Matthew West

Crazy in Love by Sofia Karlberg

This Is What Makes Us Girls (The Confect Remix) by Lana del Rey

1901 by Phoenix

Lisztomania by Phoenix

Please Don’t Touch by RAYE

Island In The Sun by Weezer

God Is A Dancer by Tiesto & Mabel

Tighten Up by The Black Keys

Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups

Don’t Play by Halsey

Bad At Love by Halsey

Young God by Halsey

Now Or Never by Halsey

Hurricane by Halsey

Drive by Halsey

Eyes Closed by Halsey

Eyes Closed (Stripped) by Halsey

Haunting by Halsey

Strangers by Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui

100 Letters by Halsey

Ghost by Halsey

Break A Sweat by Becky G

Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men

I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red

Run by Alison Wonderland

I Want U by Alison Wonderland

Peace by Alison Wonderland

Peace (Acoustic) by Alison Wonderland

Dead To Me by Kali Uchis

Good Enough by Evanescence

Go Slow by Gorgon City & Kaskade ft. Romeo

Feel Good Inc by filous & LissA

All I Need by Within Temptation

A Lot Like Love (Oliver Heldens Edit) by The Voyagers ft. Haris

Hideaway by Kiesza

Memories by KSHMR ft. Sirah

American Sadness by XYLO

One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks

Your Shirt by Chelsea Cutler

Hope Of Morning by Icon For Hire

Collect Call by Metric

Flowers On The Grave (Acoustic) by The Maine

Fabulous by Ally Brooke

Falling (blackbear Remix) by Trevor Daniel

You by Petit Biscuit

Unlove You (Drop G Remix) by Armin van Burren ft. Ne-Yo

Formation (R-TRAX Trap Remix) by Beyonce

Schoolin’ Life by Beyonce

Simmer by Hayley Williams

Ruby by Foster The People

Moral Of The Story by Ashe

Colorblind (Left/Right Remix) by Karma Fields ft. Tove Lo

Don’t Stop The Music by Jamie Cullum

Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant

Don’t Stop the Fancy Footwork (Chromeo vs. Rihanna)

She Wolf (Falling To Pieces) by David Guetta ft. Sia

Slow Burn by Audiograf

Write My Story by Olly Anna

1 Thing by Amerie

I Like That by Janelle Monae

Your Favorite Place by Joey Pecoraro

Beauty Mark by Parov Stelar ft. Anduze

Dead Hearts by Stars

Change of Seasons (EP Version) by Sweet Thing

Larger Than Life by Pink Zebra ft. Benji Jackson

Are You With Me (Pretty Pink Remix) by Lost Frequencies

Nothing But by Skin

In Common (Kenny Dope Remix) by Alicia Keys

Resonance by HOME

All Stars by Martin Solveig ft. ALMA

Lavender’s Blue Dilly Dilly [From the Cinderella (2015) OST]

Besame Mucho by Jorge Blanco

Touch You Right Now by Basic Element

Dinero by Trinidad

Icon (Reggaeton Remix) by Jaden Smith ft. Nicky Jam & Will Smith

Make Me Sweat by Kat DeLuna

Sombredosis by Kat DeLuna ft. El Cata

Real Love by Memory Tapes

Feelings by Hayley Kiyoko

This Side Of Paradise by Hayley Kiyoko

Wanna Be Missed by Hayley Kiyoko

Gravel To Tempo by Hayley Kiyoko

Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko

Fiesta (Remix) by Bombe Estereo ft. Will Smith

Love by TeZATalks

Had by TeZATalks

Heal by Loreen

Analyser by AlunaGeorge

Attracting Flies by AlunaGeorge

Damaged by Plummet

My Kind by Hilary Duff

Sparks by Hilary Duff

Talk by DJ Snake ft. George Maple

First summer without you by Outgoing Hikikomori

First birthday without you by Outgoing Hikikomori

2 Heads by Coleman Hell

Mathematics by Little Boots

Hearts Collide by Little Boots

Meddle by Little Boots

Parachute by Cheryl Cole

When she went away by Max Richter

When she came back by Max Richter

Who Knew by Pink

Lash Out by Alice Merton

Back To The Start by Mr. Little Jeans

Perfecto. by Ayo. & .Disfnk ft. Daniela Andrade

service by j^p^n

I’m In Love Again by tomppabeats

Close by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo

Falling Apart by Michael Schulte

Dusk ‘Til Dawn by ZAYN ft. Sia

Pillowtalk by ZAYN

Minimal Beat by Lindsey Stirling

Perfect Illusion by Lady Gaga

Do I Wanna Know? (Cover) by CHVRCHES

La Familia (Guy Sigsworth Remix) by Mirah

Broken Parts by The Ready Set & Mokita

Invisible Chains by Lauren Jauregui

Lonely Gun by CYN

Cartier by Dopebwoy ft. 3robi & Chivv

Boss Bitch by Doja Cat

[fallout4holmes]

Nuka-World 1

(I never posted the Nuka-World chapters here on tumblr, only on ao3. I thought I should remedy that.)

The detective's life isn't an easy one, but it rarely lacks for excitement. Even with the new stability brought about with the destruction of the Institute and the rise of the Minutemen, you still see a lot of folks at their worst in my line of work. Hard to not let it get to you sometimes. For decades, I’d tell myself all the bad in the world was all the more reason for me to keep fighting. I don’t think I always believed it, but it got me through. These days, what gets me through is knowing I’m not in the fight alone.

It still feels a little weird, leaving the Agency at night. I lived in that office for… well, a long time. Ellie’s still in the room upstairs, and she lets me know if any late night panicked customers turn up. Of course, everyone in town knows where my partner and I live, but we still insist that Agency business be done at the Agency. The only interruptions to our domestic life at home are the ones caused by the experiments of an eleven-year old boy and whatever Minutemen summons might come on over the radio.

Or, as was the case after supper one evening, an old ad for a theme park that hadn’t existed in two-hundred years.

 “Hiya, kids! Remember, Nuka-World is only open for a few more weeks in October! Come down and see me and Cappy one last time before buckling down for the winter. Don't forget to bring your empty bottle of Nuka-Cola to get 15 dollars off at the gate! So hop aboard the Nuka-Express and come and see the whole Nuka family while you still can!

 The Nuka-Express is accessible through the Nuka-World Transit Center. Parking fees will apply. Prices subject to change due to end of season. Nuka-World, Nuka-Express, and the Nuka-Cola characters are all registered trademarks of the Nuka-Cola Corporation.”

“What was that?!” asked Shaun, bewildered.

I was pretty damn confused myself. I looked across the room at the man with his hand on the dial… and sighed. “I know that look.”

Mr. Sherlock Holmes, Destroyer of the Institute, General of the Minutemen, partner of Valentine's Detective Agency, and my personal partner for life, is a proud father, a good man, and a damn fine detective. Everyone in the Commonwealth knows that at this point. What a lot people don’t know, is that he’s easily bored and I don’t mean your average ‘nothing to do on a Tuesday night’ sort of boredom. The man lives for work, for a challenge to overcome, a puzzle to unravel. It’s part of what makes him so brilliant. It’s also part of what makes loving him an occasional challenge.

That light was in his eyes as he asked me, “Do you not find anything strange or suspect about a theme park ad suddenly appearing on the radio?”

“It's either a bot with a glitch in its programming or a bunch of raiders got creative with their set-up.”

“If it's the former, no harm done, if it's the latter, it should be dealt with sooner rather than later.”

I chuckled, “I'm not arguing with you, Holmes. Just waiting for the moment when you tell me you're running off.”

That softened him a bit. “Ha. You ran off on a case two weeks ago.”

“Kidnappings are time-sensitive, we both know that.”

He smiled, “A fair point. I suppose there’s no point in asking you to stay behind?”

“None whatsoever.”

I’ve learned over the past couple years that that annoyed huff of his is all show, at least where I’m concerned. “If this transit center mentioned is the same as the one as before the War, then it's far west, slightly southwest of the Sunshine Tidings Co-Op.”

Shaun raised an exasperated hand, “But what’s Nuka-World?”

“A theme-park,” Holmes said. “Before the War, the Nuka-Cola corporation spent a great deal of time and money to build various amusements based on their products for customers to come spend even more money.”

“The less cynical answer,” I said as I lit a cigarette, “is that theme parks had rides, games, shows, all sorts of entertainment for families to spend a whole day pretending they’re someplace really special. Kids loved ‘em. Parents, not always quite so much, though I guess that depends on the kid and the parent.”

“So,” Shaun reasoned, “a bunch of raiders are in a theme park.”

“Probably,” I nodded.

He frowned, “Why?”

I shrugged, “Why not? Walls, lots of buildings, be sort of like living in an easily defensible Nuka-Cola themed city.”

“Is anyone really going to think that advertisement is real?”

“Hopefully not,” Holmes said, “but some people may investigate out of curiosity, desperation, or go in search of salvage from the park. If raiders are broadcasting, then they’re far more organized than any local group, and that could be remarkably dangerous.”

“We’re headed off in the morning, then?” I asked, though I already knew the answer.

“I’ll let Preston know his General will be out of the Commonwealth once again.”

“And convince him you don’t need an escort.”

“Indeed. Though I will suggest he increase the Minutemen presence in the western settlements, temporarily. Just in case.”

It was enough of a plan to start with, and in the morning we headed west to the Nuka-World Transit Center.

We’d been worried folks might get curious and come looking. We were right, but not quite the people we were expecting. Gunners were poking around the Transit Center, and their commander had orders that mentioned a missing recon team. Apparently some Gunners went to Nuka-World and never came back.

Real shame, that.

A man sat on the platform of the station, muttering about someone going to die and clutching his bloody stomach. His name was Harvey, and he and his family had been fooled by raiders, led to Nuka-World under the promise of a friendly settlement. His plan was to escape and return with help, but a bullet wound stopped his progress. His family were still there, and were certain to be killed when the raiders discovered he was gone.

That was his story, anyway.

Holmes knew something was up when the guy refused a stimpak, not something that tends to happen when a person is supposedly bleeding out. Harvey gave in quick under pressure; he was a fraud working for the raiders to lure more people to Nuka-World. He was tired of acting as their stooge, but had no desire to die or get anyone else killed. Naturally, Holmes volunteered to go to Nuka-World and take care of the problem.

"Now wait a minute," I said, "before we hop on this train and go barreling off, you think we could call in some reinforcements?"

"If someone doesn't go back soon, then people are gonna start dying," Harvey said. "I've seen it happen."

The fear seemed real, and that was reason enough for Holmes. "We'll resupply with what we can from the Gunners and whatever may still be in this place, but we haven't a moment to waste, Valentine."

"Don't think I'd call security against walking into a trap a 'waste,'" I grumbled.

"If more than a few people step off the train, the raiders will get suspicious," Harvey said, "and suspicious raiders get violent."

He had a point. I admitted as much, and Holmes asked how we get the train running. After looting the Gunner bodies for ammo and supplies, we stepped aboard.

We were off.

And, naturally, we were trapped.

[eternalnight8806-3]

Feel free not to read this...

(Seriously, it's dumb and just me ranting about personal shit. Please carry on with your life and happily skip this stupid ass post.)

So, I hate valentine's day. Not because I don't have a significant other, I've had someone more often than not since I started dating at 16. But because it's an unnecessary pressure to do something that day specifically to show that person you love them, along with literally every other couple in the first world. Idk about anyone else, but that doesn't scream romance to me, it screams sham. It screams let's make all these restaurants, candy companies, flower shops, jewelry stores and random manufacturers of stupidly cute stuffed animals and dumb cards lots and lots of money by telling women that they're not loved if their S.O. doesn't do this stuff for them and telling men that if they don't do it, they're in the doghouse for life.

Love isn't about how much money you spend on someone. It's the little things. Do they care for you when you're feeling ill or even just depressed or anxious? Do they listen to your thoughts, even if they disagree? Do they take the time to make sure you're comfortable, safe and happy? Do they grab your hand as you're walking through the parking lot into the grocery store? Do they rest their head on your shoulder while you watch tv on the couch? When you're upset, do they take the time to try to understand why and solve the issue, if they can? Do they send you random messages telling you they miss you or they wish they could cuddle with you right now when you're apart? And so, so many other things. More than I could ever list.

Anyway, I have horrible self esteem. Something I've always had and at this point I probably always will. I hate looking at myself in the mirror or in pictures. I loathe being naked in front of anyone, even my S.O. When we have sex, I almost always make him shut the lights off because I'm so anxious about my body and I'm well aware how utterly disgusting I am and I don't want to see that reflected in his eyes. But the few times I have let him leave the lights on have been because I was wearing lingerie. This almost makes me even more nervous than being naked. Wearing lingerie is inviting someone to look at your body. He's never rejected me, and in my heart I know he never would, but the fear is still there.

So, I thought about maybe getting something new for our one year anniversary coming up (coincidentally 2 weeks after valentine's) and I'm looking online for stuff (as one does in the age of smartphones) and I can't find hardly anything in my size because I'm fat. The few options I do have are just not something I would wear, too expensive, or would barely fit if it fit at all. It's beyond maddening. Here I am, a woman who's so uncomfortable in her own skin that she can't even look at her own body, and I'm trying desperately to find something to make me feel maybe just a tiny bit sexy (if that's even humanly possible) and I have basically zero options because the world thinks sexy stops at size 10 (and that's actually being generous, most people think it stops at size 6, tops.) So, here I am, feeling utterly defeated and lousy and even worse about myself than I did before because I can't find something to surprise my guy with for our one year anniversary. I know, it's so stupid. I shouldn't have even tried. What's the damn point? It's not like wearing a skimpy piece of cloth is gonna suddenly make me not be a giant ball of disgusting flesh and turn me into something resembling desirable. But I do have enough sense to know that this feeling isn't entirely my fault. Society thinks beauty stops at size zero and pressures us all into thinking that through the media we consume. I've been told by countless people how ugly I am throughout my life, mostly due to my weight.

I know how fat I am. I wish clothing manufacturers would stop shoving that stuff down my damn throat.

[seanfknmacguire]

Under the cut is the beginning to a project I’m doing, where I’m writing my OCs into the story of RDR2. The OCs I’m using are Hosea’s twins, Dutch’s daughter, my first OC and an OC of mine which is a rival of Sean’s. I might also add in my OC inspired from Ellie from The Last Of Us later. I have no confidence in this so any replies or tips are welcome :)  I’ll probably do a whole post of OC introductions soon. Please let me know what you think <3 

In the dead of night and the worst snowstorm 1899 had seen, Dutch Van Der Linde led the Van Der Linde gang through the snowy mountains, having only just gotten out of the small town of Blackwater after a robbery gone wrong. Sitting next to a Hosea Matthews, they looked on for some shelter, trying to keep their family warm. 

Amelia Silverton was following on horseback, her oversized coat, a gift from Arthur, wrapped firmly around her shoulders as she shivered. The young 20 year old watched Abigail and Luna work on Davey, a member of their gang who had been fatally injured, and sighed. She wondered just how on earth they had gotten themselves in that situation. Moving her brown hair out of her face, she looked behind her to check on the twins.

The twins, Lily and Nick Matthews, were the spitting image of their mother Bessie who had unfortunately already passed. Their father Hosea was fiercely protective, always keeping a close eye as they always got themselves into mischief as 17 year olds should. The pair were inseparable, following the caravan closely in fear of getting lost.

Luna Van Der Linde was helping Abigail work on Davey in the medical wagon. The short 16 year old being a huge help in the medical field - almost as if it were a gift. She kept an eye on Davey’s wounds, keeping pressure on them as instructed by Abigail and Reverend Swanson.

Connor Kingston had kept his mouth shut for once and instead followed the caravan, keeping guard at the back alongside Javier. The mouthy 22 year old always had an opinion for everything, and didn’t exactly get along with a lot of the gang. He made up for it with fighting - he was a damn good fighter, and a valuable asset to the group, as much as Amelia or Luna didn’t want to admit it.

“Abigail says he’s dyin’, Dutch. We have to stop some place.” Reverend Swanson warned up at Dutch and Hosea, his hoarse voice no match for the loud wind.

“Okay, Arthur’s out looking - I sent him up ahead.” Dutch responded, not sure how on earth he could help apart from wait until Arthur got back. He had a hell of a lot on his plate - Sean and Mac missing, Davey on death’s door, and trying to find a place for the people relying on him to stay.

“If we don’t stop soon we’ll all be dying. This weather, it’s May… I’m just hoping the law got as lost as we did.” Hosea’s voice came from beside Dutch, the bitter cold biting at his face as he shivered. The cold wasn’t good for his bones. The two noticed a silhouette in front of them, and were on alert until they recognised it to be Arthur.

“Arthur! Any luck?” Dutch called forward, his voice hopeful. He was desperately praying that Arthur had found something useful.

Arthur dipped his hat, wiping the fresh snow from its hilts. "I found a place where we can get some shelter!" he shouted in response, the aggression of the blizzard rendering him difficult to hear. "Let Davey rest while he... You know." he added on, the gruffness of his voice growing stronger.

"Come on!" Dutch called to the rest of the group, speeding up the wagon he was steering. He was relieved, suddenly getting almost excited to get everyone inside near a warm fire. It only took them a little while to get to the little mining town, Dutch checking on each individual member as Hosea checked the building they were about to bring Davey into. Making sure there was no danger, he called back outside. “Bring him in here!” Amelia dismounted her horse, taking it into the building they were going to use as shelter for them and tried to keep herself as wrapped as possible. She helped Nick bring all of the horses in, having no time to talk as she focused. Patting him on the shoulder once they had finished, they made their way to the main building with everyone else. Lily and Luna followed the gang into the house, quickly taking a seat. It wasn’t warm yet, but hell, it was out of the wind. Luna looked around at everyone’s faces, and she couldn’t tell if they were full of hope or full of fear. Connor wandered in with Javier and Bill, putting his gun back into his holster now they were finally in and safe. He smiled at young Jack, walking over to the fire and placing some logs inside of the fireplace ready.

Abigail took a stand next to Davey, ready to patch him up properly now they were in shelter when she noticed he wasn't breathing. She looked at his chest - no movement. She put her head near his nostrils - no air coming out. "Davey's dead." She said sadly. Amelia sighed, looking down sadly. They'd lost a lot of people. They didn't even know if Mac and Sean were alive, and worry sat in the pit of her stomach as well as everyone else's. It was evident to Dutch spirits were low.

"There was... Nothing more you could've done," Reverend Swanson peered over to the brunette, dipping his head.

"What are we gonna do, we need supplies?" Hosea asked, closing Davey's eyes with two fingers and looking up at Dutch. He watched him move, nodding at the man.

"Well first of all you are gonna stay here, and you are gonna get yourself warm." Dutch looked at Hosea, a hand on his shoulder briefly. "Now I sent John and Micah scouting out ahead. Arthur and I, we're gonna ride out and see if we can find one of them."

"In this!?" Arthur waved to the outdoors, frowning a bit. He didn’t exactly want to go outside, it was a death trap.

"Just for a short bit. I don't see what other choice we have.” Dutch reassured, looking at the faces of his gang. They needed some motivation, fast. "Listen... Listen to me all of you, for a moment. Now we've had a bad couple of days. I loved Davey, and Jenny... Sean, Mac, they may be okay, we don't know."

Amelia looked down at the mention of Sean, but soon perked back up. She was worried. They weren’t exactly together, but there was definitely something there - the whole damn gang could see it. Luna listened to her father intently as well as the others.

“But we lost some folk. Now if I could throw myself into the ground in their stead, I'd do it. Gladly. But we are gonna ride out, and we are gonna find some food. Everyone, we're safe now. There ain’t nobody following us in a storm like this. And by the time they get here we'll be long gone. We've been through worse than this before. Mr Pearson, Miss Grimshaw, I need you to turn this place into a camp. We may be here for a few days. Now all of you, all of you, stay strong. Stay with me. We ain't done yet." He said with a strong tone, nodding towards the door. “Come on Arthur.” He finished strongly, reaching and squeezing Luna’s hand quickly before walking out of the door with Arthur. The gang sat in silence for a few moments, before Connor decided to lift some spirits.

“So… Lovely weather we’re having.”

------------------------------

“So what’s the plan Dutch?”

Night had fallen on the gang’s makeshift camp, members eating the stew that Pearson made from the deer Arthur and Charles had caught the day before. John was also back- Luna cleaning the wound on his cheek before she ate. A lot had happened since they arrived, including rescuing a widow, Sadie, taking out a whole O’Driscoll camp and capturing a young O’Driscoll, Kieran. The gang had gathered in the main room, wondering just what on earth they could do and where they could go. They couldn’t stay in the mountains - they’d die within two weeks. Dutch racked his brain as he stared at a map, looking for possible places they could go. His eyes skimmed over the words Valentine, and nudged Arthur, pointing to the words.

“That’s a lotta civilisation, Dutch…” Arthur shook his head, glancing at the words on the map. They couldn’t go further north, or back west into Blackwater, and lord only knows what lurked direct south.

“I know, but I don’t see what other choice we have.” Dutch sighed. He turned to his tired family - all looking to him for some kind of idea. “We head West, into Valentine. I know a little spot we could use, for now, until we find a proper place.”

“What about Sean and Mac?” Amelia asked, leaning her arms on her knees as she sat on the floor next to Lily and Nick. She was worried mainly for Sean - not that she’d ever admit it.

“What about them? We can’t do nothin’, at least not right now.” Connor replied, a harsh tone in his voice. He and Amelia never really got along well - Amelia’s fiery personality and Connor’s always made them at loggerheads.

“We can’t just leave them.” She furrowed her eyebrows looking up at him.

“Look princess, I know you’re worried about the ginger, but let’s face it - he’s probably dead.” Connor shrugged, his Irish accent thick as he spoke. He and Sean never got along either.

“You take that back.” Amelia spat while standing up, her quick temper almost too quick in this situation.

“Both of you, stop it.” Hosea warned from beside Dutch. It wasn’t new to him to have to separate the two.

“This is the plan - We gather a few people to rob that damn train in the morning, while whoever stays behind packs up. We’ll get back and leave straight away, heading for that spot near Valentine.” Dutch spoke, his voice full of hope and confidence. Luna looked at her father with a smile - she wanted to be like him some day. She wanted nothing more than to go on the train robbery with them - but she knew Dutch would never allow it. Then again, what was the harm in asking?

“Now everyone - try and get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.” Dutch nodded to everyone. As everyone dispersed, Luna stuck around, getting up from her seat next to John and standing beside her father, Hosea and Arthur.

“You know, Pa… I was thinking.” She trailed off, looking up at Dutch with an innocent grin. She had him wrapped around her finger and she knew it. Dutch looked at her suspiciously before Arthur spoke.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” He joked, earning a small slap on the arm from Luna before turning back to Dutch.

“Ain’t it time I start coming on robberies with you fellers? You know I can shoot, and ain’t no-one gonna pick on a young girl.” She said hopefully. Dutch shook his head.

“Absolutely not. I can’t risk that darlin’, I’m sorry.”

“Hey hold on now Dutch, it might be a good idea.” Connor overheard the conversation and interjected, a hand on Luna’s shoulder. “She’s a bloody good shot and you kno’ it. What if she comes tomorrow? There’ll be plenty of us and you can see if she can handle it.”

“But-” He started, but stopped himself and sighed. It was a good idea.

“A simple train robbery, what can go wrong? After Blackwater I think we’ve used up all our bad luck. Besides, I’ll be fine, I got you guys if things go to chaos.” She looked up at Dutch hopefully, who sighed.

“Okay, fine. You stay back at all times, you’re never on your own and I don’t want you killin’ nobody, you hear?” Dutch pointed at her as she nodded. Luna was the spitting image of Dutch - the same curly, black hair, the same eyes and smile. “Now go get some sleep.” He smiled, kissing her on the forehead after nodding to the door. She smiled up at him, walking towards the door like everyone else, nerves bubbling in her stomach.

[steviestevington]

All the questions

oh fUCK okay here we go

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Yeah they are

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Of course they are omg

3. Are you a virgin?

No

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes indeedy I am !

5. Are you in love?

God I sure am

6. Are you single this year?

Nope

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can and I am committed to one person !

8. Describe your crush

His name is Jay he’s got long black hair currently and green eyes and wears glasses he’s gorgeous

9. Describe your perfect mate

Jay lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Betrayal meaning like cheating? If so no

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Unfortunately yeah rip

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeah don’t tell him but I got a big fat crush on my boyfriend

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my earlobes

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Unfortunately no :c

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Deadass love it so much

20. Do you shower every day?

Fuck no I ain’t got time for that

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well I sure hope my boyfriend does lmao

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Idk Jay might be but who knows

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of fucking course, easily

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I do not know honestly I could see it being maybe possible but who knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am and I am very happy about it

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I think so maybe

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I don’t think so, I hope not

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Ehhh not really but if I had to choose something I would want my nose changed I hate it

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Uhhh probably

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah I mean I liked my ex before we were dating and we were best friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so ?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Uhh kinda yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No I’m terrible at that shit

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Bitch they wander immediately

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like 4.5 years or something idk

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Only one other boyfriend before Jay

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

None

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero

47. How old are you?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well idk what I would say in the moment but obviously that would mean we’d break up which would be extremely unfortunate and heartbreaking

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Literally everything there’s no way I can pick one single thing he’s perfect in every way

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

HAHAHAHAHAHA F U C K NO

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah his name is Jay

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Uhhh idk maybe I’ve given up on crushes in the past because it was obviously not gonna happen but that’s all I can think of

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I doubt it lmao

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

I mean I’ll never forget the shit my abuser did to me unfortunately

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any sorry agdhgfhsd

56. State 8 facts about your body

I will pass on that I don’t even know 2 facts about it that are more fascinating than “I have two arms”

57. Things you want to say to an ex

You’re a gross piece of shit and you had no right to pressure me into sexual things or treat me the way you did, you traumatized me in so many ways and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, I hope karma kicks your ass one day

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Bitch I don’t know Jay did it easily ask him lmao

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I don’t have any good ones on my laptop so just go to my “about” page there’s a link in my description or look at my blog /tagged/my-face

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I really don’t know I think the age difference between Jay and I is a little bit bigger than the one between my ex and I but I’m too lazy to figure it out

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyes or smile

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I’ve got a real damn weird Thing for formal clothing so wear that for me n I’ll be so into it

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Idk anything with another person involving genitals honestly

64. What is your definition of cheating?

It’s as easy as just having an emotional affair it doesn’t even have to be physical

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t want it to lead to sex but some intense making out is my favorite

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

No I don’t do that fuck off

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Anything with your partner that you both enjoy is a perfect date

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Pan/ace

69. What turns you off?

Bad hygiene and a shitty personality

70. What turns you on?

Good hygiene, making out, neck kissing/biting, hickeys, my partner makin cute noises of pleasure while we are all over each other

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

LMAO if I ever have sexual dreams they’re extremely frustrating and I can never actually get All The Way no matter how hard I try so I wouldn’t say I have kinky ones cuz I’m always by myself I don’t like sex with other people

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

None I don’t like sex

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I like being given flowers

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

A nice smile

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Uhhh idk Jay always does extremely sweet things but what’s coming to mind is that he decided on his own to stop doing something that causes me severe anxiety because he doesn’t wanna put me through that and that meant a whole lot to me

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Man I don’t know I always go overboard with things but I think my valentines day with Jay recently is up there with the sweetest things I’ve done

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

There should not me a maturity or development gap at all

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I really want a dildo from bad dragon but I’ll probably never own one lmao

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Uhhh idk when one of my bfs friends goes overboard with complimenting his appearance I get weird about it cuz I’m a dumbass

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Idk I tell Jay I love him all the time so like 20 minutes ago probably afgdhfds

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

My boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, and Brendon Urie lmao

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My ex

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I don’t know and I don’t really care anymore tbh

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

afdgsfd I mean that’s how Jay and I met so yeah lmao

[witchangelnekora]

Something i need to vent about.

Yesterday, my friendo @northeastartist was feeling very down cause some TOTAL FREAKIN’ ASSPIPE decided to be Acephobic towards Asexuals, while at the same time praising her friend for being Biro-Ace and bashing her for being CisHet-Ace. That is NOT RIGHT! And then i saw a post saying that Asexuals aren’t valid in the LGBTQA+ community! WHAT THE CRAP?! That’s what the “A” in that title stands for! 

Guys, i wanted to reach through the computer and absolutely smack this person in the face. Hard. With a hard plastic mixing spoon.

Just because you don’t like sex, it doesn’t make you a bad person! 

Just cause you’re Hetero-romantic, it doesn’t make you a sicko!

Just because Porn grosses you out, It doesn’t make you a monster!

Just because you’re more into cuddling, kissing, snuggling a person and loving them for their personality and just being a normal human instead of loving what’s between their legs, DOES NOT MAKE YOU A DEMON OR NOT VALID!!

I, myself am Bi-Panromantic with a preference for men, and one stigma about being Bi is that people think just cause we are sexually attracted to both Men and Women that we’re gonna be unfaithful whores. BULLCRAP. I’ve had Bi-Friends that are faithfully married to people that made them the happiest person in the world!  Also, We’re not limited to Biological Men or Women, we also love Trans Men and Trans Women, for they’re as beautiful as any person that’s on this planet! It doesn’t matter if you’ve got a Peen or a Love-Clam, both sets, or hell, even identify as an alien that has no parts, we love you for whom you are inside.

My best friend is an amazing girl with art skills, as she made my channel art (and some fantastic Valentine’s Day gift art, y’all should go check her out and check her Redbubble), And she is Asexual, beautiful, and her opinion is just as valid as someone that isn’t Ace. If you think an Ace’s opinion doesn’t matter, Here’s what you should do:

One: Kindly shut the hell up.

Two: Take a roll of Gorilla Tape and rip off a good amount.

Three: Place over mouth and remove once you get it through your thick-ass skull that ALL sexualities are valid and beautiful, regardless of whom they are.

Lemme say this in a way you can understand me.

Gay people are Wonderful people that are full of pride and love! So what if they’re not into girls? Who cares?! They’re happy being what they are, and if you’re a homophobe, There’s the door. Leave. GO.

Bisexuals are Beautiful and we are accepting of other people regardless of what others think! A lot of wonderful people out there are Bi and they’re all just as amazing as anyone else on the spectrum! 

Straight people are cool as well, cause sure, you may love the opposite sex, but i know a LOT of hetero-peeps that are accepting of other genders, sexualities and lifestyles, and they are MAJOR Allies in our community because they understand that Love is Love, and Love is beautiful between all couples, not just man and woman, but Woman/Woman, man/man, among other combos of couples out there, cause the spectrum is wide and beautiful, and they themselves know it! Sure, there’s a lot of homophobes out there, but here’s a fact: Hating will get you NOWHERE in life. All it’ll do is just cause trouble and a loooooooooot of butthurt in the future cause all Homophobes wanna do is bash people for their lifestyle choice and drag them down to their level, making them feel disgusting for what they’ve done all because it doesn’t fit in their “perfect world”. Well, News flash....It’s better to be Unique than be Cookie Cutter. So Straight Allies of the LGBTQA+ Community, Wave your freak flag high and show your pride towards helping others find happiness in their part of the world!

Lesbians are Awesome people that are just as loving as everyone else, because loving the opposite gender is NOT disgusting, it’s a beautiful thing! Hell, did you know some people all throughout history were either Lesbian, Gay or very accepting of other people like that? It was even rumored that Marie Antoinette was a lesbian herself, as she preferred the company of women more than men, and was rumored to have a fling with a Countess!

Asexuals are 100% Valid, beautiful peeps that deserve a LOT more respect.Just because you don’t like sex, pr0n, or even the thought of any of that, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you a person that should be loved, respected for your choice, and accepted just as much as someone that isn’t an Ace! Cuddling, kissing, Snuggling, it’s all just as good if not better! Cause sex isn’t everything, you know. Sometimes you just wanna cuddle up to someone and just unwind with a good book or a movie, without having to feel pressured into something you don’t want to do cause it makes you uncomfortable. NOT EVERYONE LIKES WHAT YOU LIKE, GET IT?! If you like Sex, that’s cool. If you don’t? That’s cool too! Do what makes you happy and comfortable!

Transgender people are Fantastic people, and that you should respect them for whom they choose to be! Trans Men and Trans Women are people just like us and should NEVER be harmed for whom they are!

Gender-Neutral people are adorable people too, cause they too, are valid people and they just wanna be loved by everyone else!

Agender, Cisgender, Genderqueer (and all other gender types that i can’t remember at this moment) people are just as valid and loved as everyone else and you should respect that person’s decision to go by different pronouns.

People that are still questioning their own sexuality are still people! They just don’t know what part of the spectrum they fit into, and that’s all right! It’s their choice to pick what they wanna be! 

Also, being Heteroromantic, Biromantic, Panromantic, Aceromantic, ANY kind of Romantic such as this, is a beautiful thing too, cause everyone has a preference for what kind of person they wanna be with!

What i’m trying to say is: ALL PEOPLE REGARDLESS OF RACE, SEXUALITY, GENDER, BODY TYPE, AND OTHER FACTORS ARE BEAUTIFUL, VALID, AND WILL ALWAYS BE INCLUDED IN THE LGBTQA+ COMMUNITY AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN UNFOLLOW ME NOW, CAUSE I ACCEPT EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF WHOM THEY ARE AS A PERSON! 

To all haters....Such as Cisphobes, Biphobes, Homophobes, Acephobes, or just people that hate people that just wanna live their lives in happiness with the person they wanna be with regardless of their preference in life-path...

-points to imaginary door-

There’s the mother-flippin’ door. Don’t let it hit’cha where the good Lord and Lady Split’cha.  GTFO and take a good long look at yourself. Cause even if you think it’s a “Sin” for someone to love another human being regardless of gender or sexual preference, Then you don’t deserve to be in this community. There are many beautiful people in all religions, all walks of life.

There’s Gay Christians, Bisexual Pagans, Lesbian Christians, Asexual Wiccans, Transgender Buddhists,You can be any sexuality you want, any religion you want, any gender you want, and still be a 100% Valid person in this world.

Me?

I’m a proud Bisexual-Panromantic 29 year old Wiccan-Witch Combo with a wonderful Asexual best friend, and i’ll always fight for what i believe in, because as i said before....

It’s best to be Unique in this world, Than Cookie Cutter and boring.

BOOM.

Mic Drop.

See ya, Nekora Out.

[multsicorn]

a very very long list of maybe wip’s

Since I'm working on setting up a binder of WIPs for myself - here are all fifty-nine of them.  All are Check Please: mostly Jack/Parse, most of the rest Parse-centric, most of the rest Jack-centric, but a few random other fics too.  Quite a few of these are only ideas, but most (~75-80%, at least) have anywhere between a few hundred and a few thousand words written, and some have considerably more.

Votes or encouragement as to which particular fics I should work on are very much welcome!  And in fact a large part of the point of posting this.  Pleaseee tell meeee what you want to seeeee.

JACK/PARSE IN THE Q

golden haze -  Kent was Jack's first real friend, ever.

crash into me - Jack likes crashing into things.  Kent likes being crashed into.  Checking practice, kind of, Jack/Parse style.

one warm line - Parse wakes Jack up one night in the middle of their Q years, throwing pebbles at his window.  They're going for a ride.

i'm so high - Jack and Kent hook up for the first time at a party when they're smoking weed, when the smallest touches feel like so much.

the beat of the tambourine - Parse picks up a girl for Zimms.  For a threesome.  Before they're together, back in the Q.

closing the guest room door - Alicia walks in on Kent blowing Jack.  It's the first time it's happened, too.  The Zimmermanns hadn't known anything about any of this, but now they do.

beneath the waves - There are two attractions in Rimouski: the Juniors ice hockey team, and a maritime museum.  Jack kind of wants to live on a submarine.

edge of glory - Kent kisses Jack high on adrenaline and the win, feeling unstoppable.  They only have thirty-four days together, but they start out pretty great.

ace kent fucks jack - Kent doesn't care that much about fucking, but he cares too much about Jack.

don't make promises - Kent visits the Zimmermanns after Jack's out of rehab, and Jack scares him even more.

JACK/PARSE CANON DIVERGENCE

find your lips in the streetlights - Kent and Jack run away from the mounting and dangerous pressure of the Q.  And Jack almost dies from benzo withdrawal; nice move?

what's the multiplier for i love you - Parse has a career-ending injury at seventeen.  He ends up going to Samwell, and starts managing the hockey team there before Jack even shows up.

one skate in front of the other - In which Jack wakes up from his overdose to find out he's still been drafted in absentia.  To the Las Vegas Aces, third round.

different verse same as the first - Jack manages to get through Draft Day successfully.  He ODs about a year later, at his first NHL awards; Parse still finds him in the bathroom.

JACK/PARSE POST CANON ISH

jackparse goat fic - Kent is outed during Jack's last semester at Samwell.  It's a spark that makes Jack talk to him again: and again, and again, with starts and stops along the way.

bitty's bad bakery - Turning a profit doing something you love is really freaking hard.  Just cause Bitty's good at baking doesn't mean he'll be good at running a bakery; and Jack can only finance it for so long, no longer.  Cue Kent the accountant showing up to help.

max assholes au - In which Jack marries Bitty with Kent's spunk still in his mouth.

we're pining friends - In which Jack and Parse become friends again, and Jack's so not thrilled with Parse's boyfriend.

jackparse valentines - Jack and Parse on Valentine's Day, at eighteen and again at twenty-eight.  Sweet but not too sweet.  Just right.

developing - Jack likes taking pictures of Kent.  Kent is curious about why.

may the bridges i have burned light my way back home - Jack's nearing thirty.  His performance is flagging, his boyfriend broke up with him, and now he's at Kent Parson's thirtieth birthday party, wondering how else his life could've gone.

JACK/PARSE AFFAIR REVEAL VERSE

conference room fuck - You can't put Parson and Zimmerman in a room together.  But if you do, you can't keep them from fucking.

you wouldn't cheat at cards (i would if i could) - Jack continues to cheat on Bitty with Parse throughout the summer after Jack and Bitty come out to the whole wide world.  At the NHL awards, at Parse's summer place in New York, at Jack's birthday.

under the rainbows - After coming out to the whole wide world on live TV in June, Parse comes back to the Aces in September.

tinfoil crowns - A look at the meltdowns of Hockey RPF fandom, as Jack Zimmerman comes out, followed by Kent Parson, followed by Parse and Zimms getting back together, after all!?  How crazy it must be when the tinhatters are right.

letting them see your hands - In which Shitty works through his feelings about Jack cheating on Bitty, and Shitty and Lardo discuss their relationship, too.

waking up to shape the land - When Jack comes to Vegas to play the Aces - and, by the way, see his boyfriend - he's woken up by Kent's nightmare.

functional exes - After Jack cheated on Bitty with Kent, and it all blew up spectacularly; after some damanged friendships were restored.  Jack and Bitty are both there for Shitty's wedding.  Bitty's a pro at keeping things civil; Jack… wants to apologize?

JACK/PARSE IN TOTAL AU'S

the hockey prince - Jack is a Prince; Kent was his best friend, and his right hand man.  Till Jack disappeared in mysterious circumstances, and Kent may or may not be to blame.

ai romance - Jack is an AI that was always meant to drive a robot.  Parse is, well, a parser.  The part of a computer program that takes in and processes input, before it passes it on to the real heart of the program.  A part which, it turns out, can't work right without its parser after all.

cult au - SMH is a cult house!  That's why everyone there has to always be happy.  Pies make people like you; flip cup is a good fill-in for a hippie ritual; and no wonder Jack cut off everyone he used to know when he joined.

cut the legs off the whales - Jack and Parse were soulmates.  Jack died for three seconds, and now they're both stuck with half a broken bond, with all the luck at hockey - or at life.

JACK/PARSE NON-ENDGAME

you're still my patron saint - Jack's OD is fatal.  Kent's got the biggest chip in the world on his shoulder.  Hockey killed his boyfriend, and he wins the Stanley Cup, and then he comes out, furious.

progress report (i am missing you to death) - AKA 'five times Kent tells Jack "I miss you," and one time he doesn't.'

P(B)J

can you say menange a trois - Zimbits porn featuring dirty talk about the absent Kent Parson, because Bitty's 'Kent parson. Wow.' face reads easily as 'dead from too much hot.'

married in vegas - Jack and Parse get accidentally married after a Falcs/Aces game, cause you've just gotta have the trope when in Vegas.  Starts with Jack still in love with Bitty, not sure where it was supposed to end up.

scalene - Jack and Parse aren't fighting over Bitty.  They're fucking over Bitty.  I mean.

awful threesome - Parse guilts Jack into letting him visit Providence after Jack and Bitty come out, and Parse gets hit with redoubled specuation.  Then he hits on Jack and Bitty, cause why not, and they, surprisingly, take him up on it.  This isn't a good idea for anyone.

PARSE CENTRIC GEN

butterflies fly away - Kent moves into Vegas.  His sister flies out for a few days to help.

the one that saves me - When he first comes to Vegas, Kent's shit at taking care of himself.  Maybe he can take care of a cat instead.

PARSWOOPS 2K18

parswoops in providence - Swoops is standing between Parse and the door to the worst life choices.

two aces in the hole - Parswoops in which Parse and Swoops are both ace (and get together, romantically), cause thinking about a dumb pun accidentally gave me feelings.

parswoops post year three - How can Swoops tell his best friend he likes guys, when said best friend is the only reason he figured it out?  Also, still isn't over his last best friend yet.

PARSE/RANDOM DUDE IS THE AO3 TAG FOR PARSE/HAPPINESS

parse slash scraps - There's something nice, Parse thinks, about having a friend like Scraps, a friend who thinks you're the smartest, coolest, handsomest guy in every room.

by the scruff - Kent really wants to pick a fight.  Alexei Mashkov won't give it to him.  But… that kind of is a fight, right?

makes no difference who you are - Parse wishes on a star: to talk to Jack again.  Chowder wishes on a start, that same night: to know what it's like to be on an NHL team.  They wake up in each others' bodies, and have to find a way to get back.

a pretty good genie - Shitty is the best genie, okay.  How'd Parse get one of those anyway.

players gonna play - In which Kent Parson bonds with Gus Kenworthy over adorable pet pictues at the Olympics, and then they hook up.

the aces' flyboy - In which Kent tweets a request for a date to the NHL awards, and picks up a local dude who responds.

MORE JACK CENTRIC FIC

quiet kid - Who the fuck prescribes benzos to a thirteen-year-old kid, anyway.

what if i ruined your life - Visiting Uncle Mario, in the late 00s, Jack hates Sidney Crosby.  (I can't resist the fourth wall.)

jacklardo - Lardo hooks up with some dork named Jack at her very first college party.  They're better off as friends; he was hot, though.

jackshit - Jack and Shitty hooked up as freshmen.  What else do you want me to say.

tie down the jesses - The newest Falconer needs to learn a lesson.  Needs to learn his place.

dirty boys - You're not supposed to look in the locker room.  Don't bring it onto the team.  Oh, and stay faithful to your boyfriend.  But Jack's always wanted what he can't have.

ZIMBITS

i like when boys stop by  - A rough fill-in of the conversation that decides Bitty's staying with Jack for the summer that surely must've happened.

how do you make it for real - the zimbits coffeeshop au for fandomtrumpshate that i've been struggling with for over a year now.

HOLSOM & RANSKOV

and go seek - When Ransom's crush on Alexei Mashkov turns out not to be unrequited, Ransom and Holster are pushed to reevaluate their relationship, too.

BITTY???

bitty in the echl - Being captain of a pretty decent NCAA team gets Bitty a surprise job offer post-graduation from the Worcester Railers.  His relationship with Jack bends and breaks under the stresses of their dual hockey careers, but there's a familiar face in Bitty's new life.  He never thought that he'd see John Johnson again.

[phakjira198]

2020 Recap

Most people won’t reminisce the year 2020, but they’ll probably look back and think what a shitty year it was, with covid-19, lock-down and abysmal economy. But for me personally, 2020 wasn’t all too bad. I’ve learned a lot from this year. This year was like a roller coaster for me, a lot of ups and downs. A lot definitely happened, most of them are new things I’ve never experienced before. I mean, I think the reason why 2020 was not so bad for me is because I like who I am now. I think I’m a lot more stronger, a lot more confident, and a lot less tense than who I was in 2019 or earlier in 2020 itself. So here’s a list of recap of what happened and how it has changed me. 

JAN 

1. Stressing about a side project that I had with Pat, Ammy and Dao, called Thunder Bolt (I think) 

2. Went to Perth and Melbourne, Woo hooo. Perth was a lot of fun; we stayed at an AirBnB and cooked every night. The lamb chop was wicked. There was a bush-fire when we went to Melbourne but it was still fun. 

-> at this point I was so sick of Arts and Museum lol. (because I over did it in Tokyo last year 5555)

3. Exchange decision: debating between Dartmouth, USA and Groningen, Netherlands. Made countless list of pros and cons. In the end, I decided that I need the sun and can’t stand only 7 hours sunlight everyday for a month in Groningen, so choose Dartmouth instead. Anyway Him pissed me off so much about deciding where to go, peeps keep pressuring me to choose because my grade is high. In the end it doesn’t even fucking matter bitch, you just need to ace your interview, which I did and got a full score baby! 

-> I just remembered that my Mac went cra cra and I had to change my screen. Thank god that I had Apple care otherwise, I’ll have to pay like 21000 Baht, but instead I got it fixed for free eiei. Anyway, I went to Australia without my Mac and I think that’s probably the longest that I’ve gone without my mac. 

FEB 

1. Lot of school work, according to my monthly calendar 55555. Had to prep for the exchange interview and everything as well. And had champ thingy as well. 

2. Had a weird, random, study date-ish session with Pat. I don’t think he think of it as a date, he just wanted to study and I’m a somewhat useful resource ( or at least I hope so) -> because of working with him in Jan and like whatever the fuck happen in Feb, I started to develop a crush on him (again! jesus woman). But this time it was different, cause I actually told people about it, and by people I mean Tam 5555555. Anyway it was because on Valentine day, Tam, Por, Ohm, and I (we were all single, so sad) went out to celebrate the fact that we got to go to Dartmouth. And I was not very alcohol tolerant back then (notice the back then part, cause girl I can handle my alcohol nowadays 555), so when they asked me whether I liked someone or not, I hesitated and they spent the entire night try to figure out who. Later on that night when I got back home, I told Tam wa who 55555. But like it was just a crush, I didn’t like like him. Cause I don’t really know him well enough for me to “like” him. 

3. GOT MY FIRST CAR!!!!, aka Stacy. But haven’t really got the change to drive her yet 555555555. The story behind how I got the car sound very privileged. I didn’t noticed it at first, but then went I told Ming what happened, she was like what a rich people way, and I’m like oh yeahh. So I stopped telling the story 55555. Anyway, I’m gonna tell it here again cause only future Jessie will read this post. 

MAR 

1. Midterm during the first week: so nothing much, just studying 

2. Drove my car for the first time after mid-term. Took it to uni for like 3 times and then number 3 happened 

3. COVID-19 hit baby -> online studying ->  I was enjoying life as fuck. My introvert self was striving. I was playing piano, doing arts, keeping a bullet journal. Watching shit load amount of studio Ghibli and other movies. 

APRIL 

1. Pretty much the same as march. To be honest, they kinda merged together cause you can’t really tell time when you’re at home all the time. It’s just like school holiday. 

2. Cheesy Avocado. Worked a lot on this joint-project for my 3 classes (software engineering, database system, ICE capstone). Spend a lot of time calling with Tam, Party and Nat. Shout out to Party for being a good PM; we would have never finished the work without you, and if I was the PM I would have drove myself crazy until the work is finish, you really help my mental health 5555. 

3. Songkran that doesn’t feel like Songkran at all. Had all my classes as usually, and didn’t get leave my house. ToT 

MAY 

1. Final the first 2 weeks. Got a chance to work on a killer report for my history of animation class. I wrote an almost 20 pages report on “Whisper of the Heart”, a lot of it are my own analysis from scratch, so I’m very proud of it eiei. 

2. Prep for Agoda -> I was very lazy to do this. I procrastinated it to the very last minute and didn’t even finished it properly lol. 

3. Went out for lunch with friends for the first time since the pandemic at a Korean restaurant in Siam One. (Had a record driving time to Siam at 12 minutes I think) 

--> I think May was like boring af. Nothing really happened that much. 

JUNE 

1. Started my internship at Agoda as a data engineer in the Messaging team. It’s a part of a bigger team called Agoda Data Pipeline, and I worked on a project called improve Kafka Offset Monitoring, where I implement this new feature called “time lag”. I wrote a blog post about it but never actually posted on Medium 55555. It requires too much work man. But I first started the internship we had to work from home, because of covid-19, which was depressing as fuck. It was not fun at all!!! To top that off, it was difficult and I was lazy and just no no. Then we got to start working at the office on the 21 of June and that was a lot more fun and everything. I really enjoyed working there. 

2. Grandma passed away on the 19th of June. Thank god that I was working from home then cause I was crying my eyeballs out and it did not look pretty. But it wasn’t as bad as when P’Rin passed away (where I cry for non-stop 3 days and had to missed a trip that I was supposed to go on), because we were expecting it to happened. It was out of the blue or anything. The doctor asked whether we want to ฝอกไต her or not and the family agreed that we don’t want to put her through anymore pain, so we decided that we’re not going to do it. And the doctor said that if we’re not going to do it, then all we can do now is wait for her to go. I was in her room (well almost the entire family was) when her heart stopped beating and I think grandma was happy that we were all there. 

-> nothing much else. Just hangout with people, ทำบุญให้อาม่า and just work. 

JULY 

1. Continue with the internship. At the Internship they had this thing called the the intern pitched competition and my team fucking won. (I probably already covered this in another blog post, so I’m not going to get into the details here). Anyway, we won 6000 Baht and spent it a Japanese restaurant in Gaysorn Plaza. 

2. Finished up the internship project towards the end of the month. 

3. Went drinking multiple time at Groove 5555. 

AUG 

1. Went to Koh Kood, it was so goooddd (pun intended 5555). A couple of days  after the internship ended on the 5th of Aug. The trip itself was fabulous, pretty beach and fin food. But the weather itself wasn’t particularly good, but that’s okay. 

2. Started talking to a guy for the first time (Woo Hoo!). It was all fun and game until somebody loses their mind (and that somebody just happened to be me, SAD) But actually I haven’t lose my mind in August yet. August was a lot of fun, I really liked the version of myself was talking to him. I was open and honest and wasn’t afraid that he would judge me. We had like 3 cute calls, but that was it 55555555. I called him on his BD at midnight to wish him happy birthday; I was cute as fuck. Just think back about it is making me blush, and boy did I blushed a lot. I’ll probably write more on the experience later in another blog post. 

3. Started my senior year at uni. But this time it’s a little different because your home girl is a TA as well. I have the power to influences a the grade of a sophomore, felt powerful 555. We still had to do online studying, although I don’t really think it was necessary at that point, cause there wasn’t really new cases and people were out and about like normal just with their face masks on. The classes that I took this sem were good as well, I actually enjoy all of it, especially Stochastic and Optimisation, which makes me consider studying my master in Operation Research, but will still have to do more research on that 55555. 

4. Worked on the Global sustainable development SDG goal competition thingy, and we got into the final 10 rounds. But we didn’t win 5555555, but it was still great cause I made a new friend. (which is really rare for me 555) 

SEP 

1. Your home girl 20!!!! I’m now officially legal and can drink and buy alcohol in public casually, which I am enjoying 555555555. Let’s just say I drink now 555. Btw I cried the night I turned 20 because I didn’t want to. I don’t want to grow up and I don’t want to become an adult, but I guess we can’t avoid it and we’re just going to have to embrace it instead. Also I think I was crying as well because I expected something from prime, I don’t know what I was expecting and keep telling myself that I didn’t expect anything but that’s not true. I did. Anyway he sent me a voice message and was the first one to wish me happy birthday eiei. And you guess it, I blushed bitch. 

2. Shit also went to hell this month with the Prime stuff. Specifically on the 25th of September, where Millie told me that Prime told her that he likes her. And that he asked her to watch a movie and eat out (which he never did with me wtf bro). So when that happened we stopped talking, like literally stopped after that night. The last thing on our chat was me sending him the brown bear confetti at almost midnight on the 25th and that was it, we never texted each other again. Which was really sad ( I mean sad for me but and easy way out for him), because I never get to know what happened, why it happened, and I didn’t get to scream at his fucking face. I eventually did in a dream later in December, which leads to a fucking closure after a 3 long and depressing months. (I just want to say, Fuck you Prime) 

3.  Nothing else really happened that much but studying and love stuff. I was so fixated on the love stuff though 5555, but can you really blame me; it was my first time actually liking a guy not having a crush on him. (You know what just thinking about what happened my eyes are tearing up 555) 

--> Just 

OCT 

1. October was a month of tear. Jessie was experiencing her first heart break; earlier this year back in July, Jessie just told Millie that she has never experienced heart break before in her entire life, but now she does. What a growth man. I did not enjoy the experience one bit, it was depressing, and just bad for me in many aspect. I tried to summoned stone cold bitch Jessie and killed of soft Jessie, which ultimately lead to me feeling numb and just plain sad. I lost inspiration, I just don’t enjoy the little shit like I used to; let’s just say I was not in a particularly good place. The only way to maintain my mental health was to run. And thanks to the free personal training that I got from Mr.Prime when we were talking, I started running more. 

2. Midterm. Got full score for introduction to stochastic modelling bitches. I remember going to Sea life right after Stochastic exam and just try to get my shit together. I really thought that I had picked up the pieces together but I really hadn’t, it was only 2 and half weeks since it happened. I was rushing into healing too much and didn’t know that these things take time to heal. Screw you knw for telling me that it only took you a week to get over Tam, that was total bullshit, and I tried to used that as a fucking standard, which just killed me. 

3. Skinny Bitch Jessie emerged. I lose my appetite because of the heart break so I ate a lot less. Actually I think I consumed a normal amount of what an average human being should consumed, I just ate way too much before 55555. And like with all the running, my weight got down to like 50, 51, which is the skinniest I’ve ever been since I got to uni. Maybe even the skinniest I’ve ever been since year 11 as well.  

NOV 

1. Shopee GLP application. I didn’t get the job but it was a great experience. I learned what a case interview, and thinks it very oppa. The process of preparing for it was fun, but I wasn’t totally into it because I was still dead inside. And still have no passion, no inspiration, no motivation, no goal, and everything because of what happened in the last 2 months. The only reason why I wanted to job was because I wanted the money 5555555. 

2. Won DevDisrupt Hackathon 2020. Ter did most of the work though, but it was still a lot of fun, and something that I could add to my resume 5555. 

DEC

1. HAPPY JESSIE IS BACK BITCHES!!!! I LOVE December Jessie; she’s STRIVING. Thank god I got my shit sorted out before the end of the year. She is once again enjoying life, feeling inspired, and motivated. And she’s doing all this while she is dressed to the nine every single fucking day! 

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Finstas make online dating so much more complicated

In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. It is cuffing season after all.

I will never again let someone I'm dating follow my finsta. 

That's a sentiment that countless finsta users have when establishing emotional boundaries. In relationships built on intertwined online and in-person interactions, it's often a point of contention.  

If you haven't been initiated into the bizarre world of niche memes and astrology tag posts, a finsta is a secondary, private Instagram account used to keep snarky screenshots, rant about your personal life, and post (mostly) risqué selfies that would leave the family members who follow your main account absolutely appalled. Finsta followers are usually a highly curated selection of close friends who wouldn't judge you for your bizarre one-night stands, validate you when you're feeling yourself, and support you when your mental health dips. 

If a single group text represented only one circle of friends, then a finsta would be the overlapping portion of a Venn diagram. Friend groups don't always overlap, but on your finsta, you can access all of their unrelenting support on one platform. 

Finsta really does teach you a lot. You find out who cheating, who hoeing, who got played and who depressed etc. Need help making a life decision? Ask your finsta, need help on an outfit?? FINSTA

— Tashie🌻 (@_NatashaMarie_) January 31, 2019

But when it comes to romance, deciding whose follow requests to approve can get hairy. 

I personally have had a finsta for longer than any relationship I've been in and allowing a partner to follow it ended in disaster. In my case, I forgot to block the now ex from my finsta after we broke up. I posted a screenshot from a funny Tinder conversation with someone else weeks later. I woke up to a seething late night call from the ex, who was furious that I was on a dating app and even more enraged that I posted about it on the not quite public, but not quite private platform. 

SEE ALSO: Which dating app is right for you? Use this guide to figure it out.

The whole debacle made me wonder if anyone should ever let their significant other follow their finstas. When I put out a call for thoughts on it, people were passionate about maintaining boundaries between the person they're dating and the content they post in private.

Caroline Long, a college student in Boston, said she rejected her boyfriend's follow request about a month into their relationship. 

"If there's life news or drama I'm posting about, he's usually the first to hear about it anyway," she said. "And I've had my finsta for a while so there's some old, old posts about former boyfriends and issues that I'm sure wouldn't be fun for him to peruse." 

my finsta b like -here’s a picture of my ass -let me expose my mental illness -now ima broadcast my depression episode -look @ my titties -this meme was funny

— 𝓒rybaby 𝓛ynn ✧ (@xbasedxgoddess) February 6, 2019

Online dating expert Julie Spira says couples with finstas don't necessarily need to share the accounts with each other for a healthy relationship. As long as you're not going out of your way to hide anything, Spira believes having a private space to vent is fine.

"When you're in a relationship, there are always things that you share with your close friends that you just might not share with your partner," she said during a phone call. 

Finstas are appealing because they allow for vulnerability when there's an insurmountable pressure to be perfect on social media. Sydney Smalls calls her finsta a "little safe space," which is why she's hesitant to approve her boyfriend's follow request.

"It's where I'm the most honest version of myself online so I only trust a few people with what I write about," the New York-based production assistant explained. "Even though I trust my boyfriend it would just be an added level of pressure for some reason."

Many share her view; although they feel supported by their partners, the finsta users who shared their stories with me said that they would censor their posts if their partners followed them. 

When I was convinced someone was ghosting me, for example, I turned to my finsta to talk through it. An army of close friends analyzed screenshots down to the timestamp and deliberated in the comments, concluding that although ghosting was a possibility, I should suck up my pride and double text. In the end, I had nothing to worry about — the support network I had through my finsta convinced me not to sabotage a new relationship, and all I had to do was literally communicate. But if I had let that person follow me, would I have asked for advice in the first place, or would I still be wallowing in my own anxiety? 

Overheard in bar last night: Girl 1: I let him see my finsta so we're basically never gonna date Girl 2: oh ya that’s the kiss of death

— PAZ (@pazpaz) February 24, 2018

Finstas are like a semi-public diary for soliciting advice and rationalization and inviting someone you're actively dating into it might make you less inclined to seek out that advice. The private accounts are a valuable space to talk out issues beforehand so you can approach your partner with a reasonable level-headedness. 

"Having a space for myself ensures that I'm being honest about what's upsetting me," Long said, elaborating on why she doesn't let her boyfriend follow her. "And how I'm getting from Point A to Point B. Not that I'm dishonest with my boyfriend, but I don't feel as obliged to cater or censor finsta posts for a certain audience."

For Danika Frank, a writer in Los Angeles, using a finsta to separate herself from the people she dates keeps her codependence in check.

"So it was good to have a space, a place where I could dissect my own thoughts away from them," she said. "Even if I was stressed about something relationship-wise, I could break it down on there before bringing it up to them."

Philadelphia college student Mal Sary, who went through a break up while she and her ex were still living together, said having a non-physical space to get away helped her through it until she could find somewhere else to live. 

"Instead of yelling at my ex, I just used my finsta to channel a lot of my anger," Sary said.

In addition to having a defined place to put their thoughts in order, the people who don't let their significant other follow their finsta felt like they didn't have to because their relationships were already healthy enough. Although Smalls' boyfriend doesn't follow her private account, she doesn't turn to her finsta to complain about him when they have issues in their relationship. 

"When I'd have problems with my ex, I'd just post about it and hide it from him and let it build," she said. "This time, I just talk directly to [my boyfriend]. It kinda feels disrespectful now. I don't want to talk about him behind his back [because] I know he wouldn't do that to me."

Jeung Bok Holmquist, an artist in Madison, Wisconsin, adds that their partner doesn't follow their finsta, but that doesn't give them a pass to complain about him. 

"I guess I only wouldn't [allow a finsta follow] if I was actively talking about my partner on there, but I also shouldn't be talking shit about my partner in private," they said. "So then that's just a clear sign of a bad relationship!"

𝓷𝓮𝔀 rules of dating: 1st base: liking and unliking someone’s post 2nd base: “nah u don’t have to venmo me” 3rd: get called an asshole on their finsta homerun: a retweet

— vinay (@mumblecomic) January 10, 2019

That doesn't mean that not allowing a romantic interest to follow you ensures smooth sailing. Nothing you post on social media is truly private. Anything can be screenshot, passed through the screen grapevine, and end up hurting everyone involved. But do people have an obligation to break the trust of following a friend's finsta to protect another friend's feelings?

Evy Oliverio, who works at the United Nations in Beirut, was seeing someone who encouraged her to follow his finsta, until she DM'd him and realized she was blocked. Their mutual friends still followed him and could see that he wasn't interested in her anymore, but didn't tell her. She later found out that he had promptly started dating someone else "for real" after "months" of telling her he "wasn't ready."

"We had enough mutual friends who knew about him dragging me through metaphorical dirt," Oliverio said. "And yet none of them would be like 'Ev, this is happening.'" 

Spiro, the relationship consultant, is cautious about breaking that trust. Even though it may be hurtful to mutual friends, if someone invites you to their finsta then you have a "digital moral obligation" not to share what they post. 

"Either you're in something that's private or you're not," Spiro said. "I love the fact that this is small and intimate, but I think there needs to be spoken and unspoken rules of what you do and don't share." 

Despite the moral obligations, Oliverio notes that finstas are still public, even if your account is set to private, and she'd rather step in than see a mutual friend be hurt.

"You allow who you want to see it but the fact that someone else besides you 'sees' your truth, it's no longer private," she noted, acknowledging that it doesn't justify sharing secrets. "I do think that if you and I have a mutual friend and on their finsta, they start dragging you, I'd tell you. And secondly, hold them accountable." 

At the end of the day, finstas are yet another aspect of how the internet muddles dating. But that doesn't mean that finsta users shut their partners out of their secret accounts entirely. For Valentine's Day last year, Holmquist made their boyfriend a zine with drawings from their finsta posts when the couple first started seeing each other. As long as there's open and honest communication between a couple, finstas shouldn't be an issue, they said. 

Spiro says it's "almost distrusting" when someone insists on following their partner's finsta. 

"I think trust and communication is something couples engage in every day but that doesn't mean that they're on a third-party text or phone call every time they're communicating with somebody else," she said. "You need to have your personal life, and they have their personal life, and you need to have your communication together."

I, for one, value the tightly knit support network in my finsta over any potential partner's insecurities. If a partner asked me to give it up, I'd probably dump them and immediately post about it on my finsta. 

Even if it makes dating more complicated, I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

More from Love App-tually

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WATCH: Arturo Castro talks about the first time he dated a vegan

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 15: Separate paths

Hello everyone! I hope you all are having a great week!

Today, before posting the chapter, I really wanna recommend two fics that I adore and if you arent reding them already you really need to get to do it now ‘cause they are perfet!

@bemygetawayjz

@didiletyouknooow​

Also don’t forget to follow Anastasia on IG to know more abour this story.

Anastasia_Truman

Much love to you all! ❤️️

——————————————————

Read chapter 14

Anastasia didn’t wait for Josh next day to leave for the airport. She didn’t wait for anybody actually, which upset Mandy. “Great, now Mandy is mad at me too”, she thought after her friend did not seat next to her, choosing instead a seat next to her brother. 

The midnight-blue-haired girl was on her first class seat with her headphones on, listening to music, trying to escape reality and waiting to take off when she felt somebody sitting down next to her. She couldn’t help but look up and it was Josh smiling by her side. She took her headphones off. 

-          What are you listening to? – He asked maintaining the smile. Clearly, he wasn’t as angry as Anastasia thought. 

-          Fleetwood – She answered with a blank face. 

-          Now every time I listen to Fleetwood Mac I think of you because of your obsession with Stevie Nicks – Josh said trying to break that ice wall between them. He did it.

-          I’m not obsessed with her; I just love her so damn much – Anastasia smiled.

-          She is your phone background.

-          And my laptop background too.

-          I wonder if she is a witch for real.

-          In my mind, she is - Both laughed – I know I should apologize for last night, but this is so frustrating sometimes. I usually adapt to relationships easily but I don’t know what happened to me there. 

-          You shouldn’t adapt yourself to relationships, An. 

-          Funny thing is, in the end we both like the same thing, that is privacy, and you told your friends you had this image of me in your head that you later realized was wrong, but I think that deep inside you don’t really think it’s wrong, you still think I’m just a famous brat like the majority of the people that don’t actually know me do. Let’s take this relationship one step at a time, ok?

-          I’m not getting any younger to take things one step at a time.

-          What you mean? I’m your last resort because you’re getting old?

-          No, I don’t mean that – Josh remained silent for a few minutes - Forget it; I don’t want to fight again.

-          See? It’s obvious we are not in the same track – Anastasia wasn’t measuring her words, like she always did. 

-          You are so stubborn. You are closing yourself completely to this relationship to work. Listen, if you didn’t want to be with me from the beginning, why did you let it get this far? Now I’m lost in you and the idea of a life together and it seems you’re only playing with me.

-          No, Josh – Anastasia couldn’t say anything else. 

-          An, I’ve been in love with you for more that you can even imagine and I always coped with admiring you from a distance because I thought I wasn’t the kind of man you would choose to be with. Then I found the most perfect opportunity and I filled myself with courage to take the step that would make me the happiest person in the world, and everything for you to behave in this way. 

Anastasia was shocked. The world stopped spinning for a moment. She couldn’t say anything. Words wouldn’t come out of her mouth and her brain was paralyzed. That man was confessing all that, and she wasn’t even able to say a damn thing. She saw disappointment on Josh’s face as he got up and left his seat. She felt like a failure. She felt stupid. Why can’t her body get up and say sorry to Josh for acting like a little brat. Maybe everyone was right and she was just a stupid, immature rich girl. She was destroying good things in her life, like she always did. She started to cry, silently, not to grab attention from the rest of the passengers, but Mandy, as if she sensed something happening to her friend, ran to her side and hugged her tightly.

-          I was angry at you because of your haughty attitude – Mandy started to say stroking Anastasia's hair while holding her with the other arm – But I didn’t know something wrong had happened.

-          I’m so stupid – Anastasia said in a whisper so nobody would notice she was suffering – I just ruined everything.

-          Girl, just cry, you need to – Mandy knew what Anastasia was talking about. She raised her head and saw Josh alone with his headphones on and a very angry face.

-          What can I do? – Anastasia asked between sobs.

-          Right now, nothing. Let it pass, give him time – Mandy said and wrapped her arms around her best friend, like she did every time Valentine broke An’s heart and she ran to Mandy’s side looking for comfort. This time it was different. Mandy knew that Josh and Anastasia belonged together but they had incompatible attitudes.

Paris was supposed to be filled with love and joy between the couple but Anastasia and Josh barely talked to each other. They didn’t spend one night together there, they just saw each other at the venue and then disappeared in a physical level because mentally they were always present in each other’s brains.

Clara, Flea’s daughter, visited the band in France. She attended the same High School as Mandy and Anastasia so the three had a longstanding friendship. That helped her to get distracted from the Josh situation. One morning, everybody was invited for a visit to the Versailles Palace and Clara used her friends for an improvised photoshoot there.

-          Welcome to my house – Mandy said to the rest of the people present while leaving the van in front of the Palace– Alfred will come soon to receive you.

-          Who is Alfred? – Chad asked.

-          My butler – Mandy said pretending to be a lady in the Marie Antoinette era.

-          Why Alfred? – Anthony asked this time laughing.

-          They are all called Alfred. Haven’t you watched enough movies to know that? – They all broke into laughter.

Josh was there too, but he kept his distance from Anastasia. She didn’t want to put pressure on him. She knew he was also a very stubborn person. But he kept looking at her while she posed for Clara’s lens with those amazing gardens in the back. Anastasia could have sworn she saw him smile for a very short fraction of time. The two were so mulish and full of pride that they were destroying their relationship without even realizing it.

He didn’t sit next to her in the flight back to America. Mandy did and try to solace her friend with stand-up comedy shows on Netflix and it worked half way, but not how having Josh next to her worked when they went to Spain two weeks ago. Anastasia’s mind was in trance, she didn’t know if Josh hated her or if he still wanted to be with her. “What a stupid thought, of course he doesn’t want to be with me”, crossed her mind. He didn’t talk to her. He didn’t text her. He didn’t knock her dressing room door and, what was worse for Anastasia, she didn’t try to do those things either.

They came back to LA, and at the airport, her sister Barbara was waiting for them with her twins. The kids were extremely happy to see their aunt, they jumped to her arms as soon as she went through the airport door. She said goodbye to her band and got into Barbara’s black SUV.

-          We missed you so much! – Linda said from the backseat.

-          Where is Uncle Josh? – London asked. That question make her heart break in two pieces. Barbara became aware of the situation by looking to Anastasia’s face.

-          I’m sure you will see Josh soon – Barbara said to her children. Anastasia looked at her.

-          I don’t know how long that’s gonna take.

-          You haven’t talked to him? – Barbara said once in her Malibu mansion.

-          I’m giving him space – Anastasia answered after taking a sip from her wine glass.

-          Space? He is no astronaut – Barbara said indignant.

-          He wanted to be one when he was little – Anastasia remembered a pillow talk in Spain where he told her that and it brought tears to her eyes – I fucked it up, Barbara. Big time. I love that man, I love him so damn much. He made me feel so good about myself.

-          In my humble opinion you should tell him.

-          I don’t know how many more times he’s gonna accept my apologies.

-          You are so cussed and proud! – Barbara said angry – You can’t let him be the one that got away.

-          I don’t know what to do.

-          Stop playing the victim. Don’t be the Taylor Swift of the situation – Barbara said and Anastasia started to laugh loud – You know what to do but you are so full of shit to actually do it – the laugh stopped.

Anastasia went to sleep; at least her dreams were so much better. She dreamed about Josh and his smile and that jaw line that drove her crazy and his strong shoulder that she kissed innumerable times. She dreamed about his arms around her and his kisses on her forehead. She opened her eyes wanting to dream more; at least she had him in her dreams but at the end they were just that: dreams. Her smartphone lighted up and she saw a new message, it was by Josh.

“Be at the Griffith Observatory tonight, at 10 o clock”

That was it. Just ten words were enough to put a smile on her face again. He wanted to see her and she loved that authoritarian tone the message had. Josh was like that; he gave her orders when he needed to and that turned her on all the time. But what if that night didn’t end with happiness?

She looked at the clock on her phone and it was already 8 o clock, she slept the whole day thanks to the jet lag. She was in Malibu, she needed to hurry up. She showered, grabbed a Rolling Stones t shirt, paired it with some high-waist, wide-leg pants and topped it with dark green velvet platform shoes. Her midnight blue hair was up on a high pony tail.

She drove fast and got to the Griffith Observatory just in time. The parking lot was empty Except for Josh’s SUV, she recognized it and parked next to it. She grabbed her phone and walked to the entrance. The place was closed and there was nobody around. She called Josh on her phone and he didn’t pick up. She started to wonder if this was a joke, when Josh appeared from her left. She turned to look at him.

He was there just standing, looking at her. She couldn’t took her eyes off of him. She observed his bright, brown eyes, his hair was loose and straight and covered half of his face, and he was wearing a dark red pullover and his baggy brown pants. She studied him like trying to memorize his face so she wouldn’t forget it never again.

-          I never came to the Observatory at this hour. I thought they closed at 10 pm – Anastasia said just to say something.

-          When you are in a big band, they open any time you ask them to. The perks of being a Chili Pepper – Josh said without taking his look off of Anastasia’s big turquoise eyes.

-          Are we allowed to enter? – She asked with sarcasm in her voice.

-          Come on, cooperate with me – Josh said, begging.

-          I’m sorry. I’m terribly ashamed – Anastasia said looking to the floor.

-          You should be – Josh got close to her and with his index finger he took Anastasia's chin and forced her to look up again – You need to stop acting like an indecisive girl – Anastasia responded opening her eyes more so she looked surprised – Sorry I’m just being honest – Their faces were so close.

-          I appreciate your sincerit… – She couldn’t finish her word when she felt Josh lips.

He put his arms around her. The platforms she was wearing helped so she didn’t have to get on her tip toes like she used to do to kiss Josh. She cupped his face with her hands and their lips danced for minutes. She didn’t want to let him go and chased Josh’s mouth when he leaned his head back. He smiled.

-          I have something special for you. Follow me – Josh said and took her hand.

They entered the Observatory and walked to one of its rooms, a dark one full of stars in the ceiling. Anastasia saw a white screen on a wall and in the center of the place a blanket surrounded by very comfortable cushions, plus a bottle of wine, two glasses and some sweets. Josh knew how much Anastasia loved pastry.

-          What is this? – Anastasia asked confused.

-          We are going to watch your favorite movie with wine and very creamy sweets just how you like them – Josh said while hugging An from behind.

-          The Shining? – Anastasia asked again.

-          The Shining – Josh answered smiling wide.

-          But wait a minute – Anastasia said facing Josh – I treated you like shit and… You really have the power to forget.

-          I don’t forget. I just don’t pay attention to stupid things – Josh started to walk to the center of the room – And I realized I can’t live without you. All these nights without your body next to mine were a living hell, An. I don’t want that. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and see you there, naked next to me and smile, I want to smile again.

All Anastasia could say was “Josh” before jumping into his arms. She didn’t kiss him, she just looked at him. He was smiling and she just looked straight into his eyes, perplex.

-          I just can’t stop thinking about you and I don’t want to stop thinking about you – Anastasia finally said and she felt Josh’s lips again.

The two sat on the blanket and rested on the cushions as they watched The Shining, a movie Anastasia could watch a million times. She even had a printed image of the scene where Jack Nicholson’s character froze in the snow in her living room.

Read chapter 16