#was analyzing this last night in the discord

[why-its-kai]

Hate to be the party pooper but pretty sure this is fake.

Main giveaway is this weird coloring/paintbucket overflow under the arm:

Some coloring inconsistency on the legs with film, should be lighter grey on the bands on calves/above boot. also note the colors of the heels of the boots here don't even match:

Here's an actual settei from the film production materials:

Side view is a bit of a mishmash of the front and side view here. The arm comes from the front view and it looks very awkwardly shaped/too skinny as well, like the upper arm should be thicker and it looks thinner than the lower arm here? Also additional buckles drawn on the 2 upper arm belts that are not present on the actual model sheet:

Now for the heads it's even weirder. Fairly certain the front facing Vash is a trace from this exact 1998 anime model as seen in the artbook (among many other settei sheets):

Sideview head has Vash's chin way lower than it appears on the other Badlands settei, touching the coat collar. Coat collar size and shape is off as well:

Also with the lack of sunglasses as the fullbodies of Vash in the Badlands set materials show him wearing his sunglasses:

So many other things are inconsistent/off-model/confusing (the legs in the front facing model are different in thickness, the coat chest panels are much squarer/angular overall, the wear on the coat edges is mostly nonexistent, the hip belts on the side view seem really wack, where is the front panel of his coat in the back-facing model and why is the center slit so short?) and the fact this only appears to have appeared on the internet THIS YEAR despite the dvd being out since 2010 and other set materials being shared online has me very very very suspicious. BUT i do not own the Japanese dvd and there are no art gallery extras on the Funimation English release so I cannot check this for myself. I'll gladly take the shit if I am wrong.

[fart with reverb]

[jackravenblood]

Akane Aoi's yandere gag, how first impression and early writing defined a character in Fandom eyes

Dedicated to Rai, Grapesoda, Null, and Magim on Discord, for all their efforts including editing/proofreading this post as well as keeping an open mind about my late-night TBHK yaps. This analysis wouldn't have been possible without the consistent editing and corrections by Rai and Null.

Disclaimer: This post is not a complete Akane character analysis, but rather an attempt to analyze the reason why a section of the TBHK community interprets his character through a very specific view. 

For the longest time within the Fandom, people have viewed Akane through various angles and have crafted many views of him throughout the years. A ‘’yandere freak’, an innocent kid who just wants to protect his childhood friend, or maybe a flawed person trying to do the best given his circumstances. Whether you hate him, love him, or are neutral about his character, there is no denying the way people interpret Akane, which defines how they will feel about him as a character and his development since his debut. For most fans, Akane has become their favorite character; an endearing sassy boy with high moral upstanding but willing to do anything for his love. For other fans, he’s still a creepy, unreliable, obsessive person; just like how he was initially introduced. In this sort of analysis, I want to present my case on why there are people who remain distrustful and dislike him and the interpretation that places itself heavily through the view of his ‘yandere’ gag.

I. The introduction of Akane and the ‘yandere’ gag

Akane’s introduction is straightforward: He fiercely loves Aoi Akane. Akane has had a crush on Aoi since their pre-school days. He constantly praises her, he asks her out every day only to be ‘rejected’ by Aoi, yet he continues to love her all the same. Akane would do anything for her, even if it meant it pushed him to his absolute limit. Akane also tends to get physical to “protect” Aoi, which causes some fans to interpret his character as yandere-like.

Most characters in TBHK have a certain gag attributed to their characters; Hanako is a pervert, Teru is bad at cooking, Mitsuba with his cute/feminine appearance contrasting his blunt personality, etc. Akane’s obsession with Aoi is his gag; Aidairo spends a decent amount of time highlighting this trait in the Clock Keepers Arc. This arc is one of the manga series’ earliest ones, it leaves an impression that will last on most readers. Although Akane’s obsession is played off as a gag — we don’t see Akane acting like this post-severance/present TBHK, as we will see near the end of this analysis.

However, Akane's expressive way of loving Aoi is not out of nowhere with Aoi consistently, throughout the story, giving him "points" for his effort when we see them together. Akane’s obsession with Aoi is also not shallow, nor only exaggerated for comedy purposes. It’s shown throughout TBHK that Akane’s adoration for Aoi is genuine.

But the impression of Akane being a ‘‘yandere’’ has sunk into almost everyone's by the point “The Three Clock Keepers” Arc ended. While his character is heavily intertwined with his ‘yandere’ gag, this trait is not meant to be taken seriously, given that Akane often acts like an unreliable narrator. For some fans, it might be hard to reconcile the image of a sincere, devoted Akane with his ‘yandere’ gag constantly shown throughout the manga before the Grim Reaper arc.

This isn’t a great lasting impression of Akane, as we will see later in the story. 

From The Hell of Mirrors arc to the Picture Perfect arc (29 chapters), we focus solely on Mitsuba, Kou, Nene, and Hanako. His appearance during these arcs usually reinforces the fact that his love for Aoi is solid. After the Clock Keepers arc, (and leading up to the Grim Reaper Arc) there is little to no new information about Akane, nor any character development from him.

While these bonuses and scenes are for strictly comedic purposes, they still push his heavy obsession with Aoi deeper into the reader's mind. After the clock keepers arc, Akane disappears from our radar completely. During his brief absence, we, the readers, have time to digest Akane's current character until the Grim Reaper arc. In the meantime, we also had HSHK and this page in particular:

Here, Akane is portrayed as an actual ‘yandere’ (compared to his tame obsession in the main manga series); someone who will hurt others for the sake of their love. But we must remember that HSHK is a light-hearted spinoff, and its stories are supposed to be comedic to lighten the tension of the main manga. The canonicity of AHSK can also be debated; but in any case, it further reinforces that Akane’s gag isn’t meant to be taken seriously, nor is he an actual ‘yandere’. However, it also has the opposite effect, that it is much more visible, which reinforces the image of Akane as a ‘yandere’ character in the readers’ minds.

Keeping all of this in mind, we went straight into the Grim Reaper arc with these conclusions. The arc initially started normally, with Akane doing everything he could to outmatch Teru — trying his best to prevent him from confessing to Aoi. His adoration for Aoi is shown further in the camp preparation scenes during chapters 59 and 60. All and all, these are expected behaviors from him. 

However, when Aoi gets abducted by Hakubo, Akane completely drops his ‘yandere’ gag. He becomes solemn, his only goal being to rescue Aoi as he reluctantly works with Nene to help her. We even get to see him fight Aoi head-on (something the audience would never expect before this chapter) — which brings us to the “Aoikane Chapter”: Chapter 69.

Chapter 69’s (haha nice) purpose is to be very emotional. A conversation between two broken people, trying to make sense of their love for each other and the world around them again. We get to see Aoi’s true nature and feelings behind the scenes, and yet Akane wholeheartedly confesses his love to Aoi, saying that he’s always known of her facade and that he’s always loved her, nonetheless.  In short, it is not just a very pivotal moment for Aoi’s and Akane's relationship, it is also important for them as characters.

 It would have been perfect if we ignored the entire section of what I explained about the writing of Akane before the Grim Reaper Arc.

Up to that point, there are subtle hints about Akane’s true nature but it’s never big nor consistent enough and is overshadowed by the constant joke about his expressive love for Aoi.

We’re also hit with this bonus after Chapter 70

Even after the rollercoaster of chapter 69 and the effort to drop the Aoi-crazed ‘yandere’ gag of Akane, the comedy of Akane's expressive love for Aoi remains.

II. Interpretation through a ‘yandere’ view

   For many readers, this is a very contradictory image of Akane. One side of Akane is a serious childhood friend who loves Aoi unconditionally, understands all her flaws, and wants to be there for her. The other side of Akane is that the character is still being used as an extension of the old ‘yandere’ gag.

The two sides of his character's development are incompatible with each other and make what is supposed to be a step-up of developing Akane’s personality into a confusing image of Akane; riddled with contradictions within his character and jokes over how he expresses his love to Aoi. 

For most, this is the way they perceive Akane, especially people who have already disliked Akane for a long time. This gag had become an integral part of his character. The lack of a proper background story and constant gags at the expense of one of the most important traits of his character (His love for Aoi) has deepened the image of an unreliable narrator that most would go as far as seeing his actions as manipulative, hypocritical, and more. 

Unlike Hanako's “pervert gag” and his ‘obsessiveness’ with Nene (in which said gag was not played as Hanako’s entire character and we get a thorough view of why he acts like that in the manga), Akane hadn’t gotten any near the amount of screen time that could’ve been used to explain his actions and build up an understanding of his character to anticipate for something like chapter 69. This has to do with the limitation of space for building his characters (A problem that characters like Teru and Aoi also face) and AidaIro mostly writing him out of the story during and after the Three Clock Keepers (who was still at the time presented as a secondary character) to focus on the main cast. His screen time after The Three Clock Keepers arc (minus the brief exam prep chapter before the Grim Reaper arc) had been continually used for a cheap comedic effect instead of deepening his motive and expanding his relationships with the world around him, especially the one with Aoi.

The impact of his ‘yandere’ gag is damaging his character because it overplayed itself to highlight a big part of his character. His love for Aoi has been genuine, but the way it has been portrayed has led many to doubt it, it makes Akane's early characterization to be solely dependent on his crush on Aoi instead of being on his own. This has favored an approach that explores Akane that considers his ‘yandere’ gag, and sometimes, turns it into his entire personality. For most simply run with this: Akane is only a ‘yandere’, his love for Aoi is his whole personality and his character is just terribly executed. This flawed way of viewing Akane that has been debunked repeatedly, whether it’s canon or by other fans (examples are analyses of his character written by @MusicalMoritz and @mari-lair on Tumblr). It’s also important to note that unlike actual yanderes portrayed in other manga (think of characters such as Yuno Gasai, Himiko Toga, or Yamai Ren), Akane’s gag is much, much tamer in comparison.

Other, more sympathetic, interpretations painted Akane in a more nuanced light, dating back to the time he was tricked into the service of the Clock Keepers and how his love for Aoi has turned from genuine feelings for her, into something to clung on under this fate, to make sense of the twist of fate that has pushed him into where he is now. There are other views with each on various degrees of trying to analyze Akane through his ‘yandere’ gag. III. Post-chapter 69 and the character development/expansion of Akane.

Chapter 69 has always been the defining moment of how people look at Akane as a character. Most readers love this climax of Akane’s character (and Aokane’s relationship), while others do not buy it. Regardless, after this chapter, we received more and more information about Akane and his true feelings.

As Aoi and Akane try to leave the far shore in chapter 70, Aoi apologizes for what she has done in previous chapters, while Akane tries to reassure her that it is not her fault. He still shows that he knows how she feels and is always willing to be there for her. 

Many have taken this as Akane trying to ignore Aoi’s problems, but taken in the context of what they were doing, it was an attempt to calm her down after the traumatic situation both of them went through, and to show his support for her to apologize and explain herself to the others after they return to the real world.

After that, we also see Aoi wishing to go to a zoo and see giraffes when she returns. Despite Akane being surprised by the topic, He still supports her endeavor to live as her real self again.

But when they finally reach back to the real world, Akane turns around and realizes that Aoi is not there.

After hearing Teru's words, Akane’s usually calm demeanor broke apart immediately. The horror in his eyes, his instant rage, his overwhelming fear when he realized that Aoi was stuck at the far shore. That he feels like he has failed to protect Aoi, again.

Trying to seek an answer, any answer, he asks Teru this:

Akane can’t accept that he is seemingly alive, but Aoi is gone. Of all the people who needed to be saved, it was him that Teru chose. 

However, he didn’t let his rage blind him and instead used it to understand Teru's reasons for his choices, instead of trying to kill Teru or even be hostile toward him. Akane has already used his experiences and observation skills to realize how Teru never does anything without a backup plan. While he does love Aoi tremendously, he’s still smart enough to understand Teru's plan. 

During the shrine visit with Teru, Akane even shows further detachment from the gag that has defined his early characterization. 

Akane’s expression here is strangely calm and genuine, unlike his hostility in the earlier chapters when he tried to stop Teru from confessing to Aoi. Unlike the Teru “threatening” situation that made Akane feel that Teru was just toying with Aoi to mess with his feelings, Akane here is very respectful and curious about Teru's feelings toward Aoi, as he starts to understand that Teru does genuinely care for Aoi. Even though he is suspicious of Teru after the exorcist's answers are very cryptic, he still smiles and even pokes fun at Teru's situation.

In the current Alteration arc, we have seen how Akane refused to turn back into the old timeline despite the prospect of an arranged marriage between Teru and Aoi within the current timeline. All of this would have been unthinkable during Akane's early development. Although this comes too late to change the readers’ views of Akane before chapter 69, it is still a part of the journey, and it shows how far our little sassy half-supernatural Clock Keeper has gone as a character and should be treated fairly when we analyze him. IV. Conclusion

In conclusion, the development of Akane as a character has been a difficult journey to make sense of due to the limitations of the manga, AidaIro’s writing direction, and more (though going more in-depth warrants another analysis of AidaIro’s writing choices). This has led to a failure in building up his character early on, leaning too heavily into gags and jokes about his love for Aoi. 

This interpretation of Akane through his ‘yandere’ gag persists but has changed to account for new additions to his lore, however, there are still readers who remain dismissive of his character development after the Grim Reaper arc. I believe that despite the opinions on the execution of his character, it is important for us to keep an open mind and consider the current canon as well as the multiple viewing across the fandom in future understanding of Akane in discussion or fan works made of him. P/S: This is my first ever analysis of a media I love. I want to thank everyone who’s read this far (you just wasted 15-30 minutes of your life!) I would like to personally thank the friends that I have made through our sheer obsession with TBHK and its characters: 

Grapesoda for being the first person willing to talk extensively about my TBHK ideas with me, be it AUs, HCs, or interpretations. It has been a pleasure to yap about Aoinene with her. I wouldn’t have started writing TBHK fan content without her early support for it. Rai for having constant strokes (/j) while editing the initial dumpster fire of a draft and our uncountable nights of constant debate around the TBHK characters. She has given me many insights about Akane as a character and without those talks these thoughts would have never crossed my mind. She has taught me a lot about how to broaden my views. It was a lesson in a way that culminated in this analysis. Null for editing to make this more readable, I hope that this analysis is much better than my early rambling about Akane with you. Magim for being one of the finest TBHK theorists I ever have had the pleasure to talk to, our late-night talks have pushed my ideas about TBHK characters to a limit I never thought was possible. 

Without them and Rai, I wouldn't have the courage or the knowledge to write this analysis.

[kipperzz]

mid week analysis!

so on Monday @magebunkshelf posted an announcement saying that there will be vamp hunt 5 coming this weekend and changed the thumbnails of the current audios in the vamp hunt series to fit the rebrand and so I have decided to analyze these thumbnails because why not? I will also analyze the small sneak peaks that was posted in the server as well but I will put that analysis under a read more. anyways lets get into this!

I shall be using this thumbnail as my example for everything that I want to talk about.

first off this symbol. we know many series will have their own symbol and that this is the vamp hunter's symbol which I love. it looks like a crossbow with a pair of bat wings which I love. first the crossbow part representing our favorite vampire hunter, David since crossbows are commonly depicted as vampire hunting weapons. the bat wings represent Batsy and with the wings combined into the crossbow represent the two sides working together! the reedmace did a great job keeping it symbol yet also showing that they are willing to work together to deal with threats.

second thing that I want to talk about is the background. It still uses the classic mage background but this time in a nice sweet red which I believe corresponds with this series specifically which I'll get into later.

this symbol here tells the viewer that the audio is a part of the Mitch's World universe and there will be symbols for self contained and the plane stories as well. One thing I find interesting is the pattern in the letters with how the connection from the M to the W transitions to white. most likely just a stylistic choice but still interesting to point out.

last thing that I'll talk about before the sneak peeks is that all the current audios with new thumbnails has a some vcr like overlay on it most obvious in this thumbnail.

again, likely another stylistic choice but it makes me wonder if the facility knows about them and if other series' thumbnails will also have it.

time to talk about the sneak peeks so press the read more if you want to see my analysis of them!

these are the 4 spoiler images we got from the discord server (and also obligatory moon sighting!!!1!!) there isn't that much but there is still information to gleam from them and also make theories while we wait. First off I think the one with the moon is possibly the thumbnail of the moon landing audio since it shows the moon and that it is much more glitchy than any of the other sneak peaks.

the other three are most likely from different series and I think I may be able to guess which ones just by the colors and the last image, the text.

Image one, I have no idea. possibly moth audio since in the mage wiki page on the series in Mitch's world, each multipart series has a color attached to it with the moth listener having the lightest color among all of them as seen in the image below

there's also some weight in this theory since the vamp hunter audios are red in both the thumbnail and in this list. now, what the symbol is? no idea, we'll find out this weekend.

image 3? it's Mitch's series partially because of the color list theory and that the symbol of what we can see looks like a raccoon.

pic 4 I believe is the merfolk listener audio since even though there isn't a color associated with it, the visible are and the light blue coloring makes me believe that is the thumbnail for that audio. anyways, time to wait for the weekend to come for me to do more analysis. good night everyone!

@capitalmaudios @obsidian-lantern @dayspriteofficial tagging y'all as well since you did a great job with helping with the thumbnails. also tagging @pool-floatie because they wanted me to.

[virgilthepoet1029]

I feel you rarely psychologically analyze me to my face, or often sugar coat your thoughts. “Can I be blunt?” I want you to always be blunt.

What’s my psycho analysis?

I don't have a good or complete answer for this. And I don't know how correct I am on anything. But I will try my best. For you. Because you asked <33

You hide. That's probably the biggest and most noticeable thing about you. I feel like most people can see that, even if they don't know you. You're more introverted, you're quiet, you keep to yourself, keep your eyes down, you try to take up as little space as possible.

The thing that people don't know though is why. And that's what l've spent so much time trying to figure out. Why? Well, a couple reasons.

You don't want to "burden" anyone with you (You're not a burden. You're not a burden Aiden.) You don't want to give them any of the weight you carry, even when it's crushing you. You talk about how much I love people, but I think you love them too. If you really didn't like people, you wouldn't always try to protect them. Even if you're protecting them from yourself. You don't want people to feel the same crushing weight that you feel from everyone else. You carry other people's weights, you know how heavy it gets, you don't want to do that to others. What's that one Silas Melvin quote? "You're so polite with your sadness. You don't want to ruin this for anyone."

I think part of you is scared too. You're worried someone is going to see you how you see yourself. This monster who is broken and a horrible person, who does nothing but destroy themself and others. But that's not true. That's not what you are at all. You are a good and kind and beautiful person. I hope you believe me one day.

I think part of it is that you hate yourself too. You hate yourself so much, you feel like you don't deserve the support. You don't deserve to be seen. You don't deserve to be understood. To be treated fairly. To have your voice heard. Your opinions and thoughts and feelings heard. To live the life you want. To live where you want to live. Have a job that makes you happy. Not be with someone who doesn't. Do things to benefit your own happiness and well being. You think none of it matters. "As long as they're happy." Part of it is because you love them. Part of it is because you hate yourself.

But, I think above all. You're lonely.

You're so lonely, my brother.

You try so hard to hide away and not let anyone get close, but it's hurts you. As the years have passed it's just gotten worse and worse and worse. And louder and louder and louder. That's why we're here isn't it? I am the product of you breaking. The last resort. And I'm ok with that. But lord, you are so alone. And it breaks my heart. Because you have so much love in you. And no one to give it to. And when you do have someone. You're so afraid that they'll leave you. You think you know that they will. You've grown to expect it. Too many people have done it before. They've just seen you as something to use for their own benefit, and you think that's all you're good for. It's not though. So much so, you try to make it easier for them. You love them so much, you try to do everything you can to make them feel better when they eventually leave. I’m not leaving Aiden. Where would I go? You try so hard to act like you don't care, when it actuality you care more than anyone. You want so desperately to be understood and loved. That’s why this app exists, then discord calls, then park nights, then late night couch sessions, and now this. “I love it when people tell me about me because I have no idea who I am.” You have no idea who you are. You need someone to tell you. You are so scared for someone to see you, truly see you, and get scared. I’m not scared Aiden. I don’t think you’re horrible. I don’t think you’re disgusting. I don’t think you’re a bad person. Not in the slightest. Never. But you’re so scared someone will. You need to have people. You need to be loved. It’s the anxious attachment. I’ve never tried to use you, and if I’ve ever made you feel that way I earnestly apologize. You’re my brother. You’re so much more than something to just make me feel better or fix me. I’d be perfectly happy if I never talked about myself ever again, and I just got to sit and listen to you talk about your day or the game you’re playing or anything. As long as it was you.

I’m sure I have more to say. But I can’t think of anything else right now.

I love you.

[genericpuff]

Lore Olympus is morally bankrupt and I will no longer be giving it the gift of my time or thought.

Okay, this is gonna be a long one, and VERY heated (and melodramatic ngl), and I apologize in advance if my thoughts are scattered, but I'm just ... I've been left with so many horrible thoughts since last night's update (Ep 230) and I'm realizing that I can't keep doing this.

There are comics that I love. There are comics that I used to love but have since grown to dislike due to a dip in quality or simply losing interest. And then, there are comics that have become so fundamentally awful down to their core that, when I go back to read from the beginning, I wonder how I missed the signs of these things in the first place.

And those are the comics I can't bring myself to even give attention to in any regard because it feels like I'm committing some sort of hate crime in doing so.

This is where I stand with LO. With each passing week, I grow more weary of new episodes, and I wonder if there's any point to analyzing it, critiquing it, or whatever have you when it's obvious such a feat is pointless - because there's nothing there to critique, there's nothing there to discuss, the ONLY thing that becomes more obvious with each passing week is how low Rachel is willing to stoop as a creator and as a person.

I try not to direct actual hate towards these creators. I try and focus on their writing, their art, the execution of their ideas, separate from their existence as individuals because it's how I'd want and expect people to analyze and critique my own work.

But with Rachel, it's becoming increasingly obvious that drawing that line is impossible. That "separating the art from the artist" can only apply for so long when the artist's own deeply-rooted issues are baked into the foundation of their work. It's the equivalent of trying to criticize something like Harry Potter - you can't do it without acknowledging the very anti-Semitic elephant in the room, because to do so would be turning a blind eye to Rowling's irresponsibility as a creator with a platform and the injustices she's done to the communities she's hurt in her endeavors.

For weeks now, Rachel and her circle of goons and yes men have been sneaking into our communities, into our conversations had in confidence, and implementing their own versions of "getting back" at the haters through the comic itself and through how its marketed. Almost every single social media post, video, and retconned plot point that's cropped up the last few weeks has been in direct response to things said in the subreddits, the Discord groups, the Facebook groups, everything that they don't consider "positive" enough. When we point these things out in isolation, it makes us look paranoid, but I promise you, we're taking notice of the things Rachel does and says and portrays in her work and it all adds up to be an incredibly twisted picture of her way of doubling down.

Persephone suddenly becoming Avatar: The Last Airbender? We've discussed it at length in our LO-focused circles prior to that reveal.

The sudden retcon of Eros/Aphrodite being able to "detect and control" virginity through Persephone PSA-lecturing about the "hegemony" of virginity? A direct response to people discussing the nature of Eros' powers.

The reveal that Persephone never had sex with Hades despite all the build-up that Rachel did leading up to what was obviously going to be a sex scene? A direct response to people discussing how it felt rushed for Persephone to suddenly be ready to jump in bed with Hades while showing very little growth in her healing in the actual comic.

Rachel constantly posting pics about how "hard" she's working? A response to our figuring out her buffer is 2-3 weeks ahead at any given time and she's clearly rushing things out the door.

The list goes on but I can assure you, the signs are there that Rachel reads these things and, instead of analyzing what people are saying, digs her heels in further and doubles down. We already know she's done this before, it's been stated in interviews where she's gone ahead and over-saturated character colors and made the art WORSE to 'get back' at people who criticized the comic's art style. Like I said, these things in isolation might seem paranoid, but there is a very clear history of how Rachel responds to criticism and discussion - ripping off her nose to spite her face - that goes waaay back to S1 that gives these suspicions far more validity.

She's snuck into our groups, our communities, and is absolutely violating the reader/creator dynamic. This is a woman who's tried to brigade control of FB groups away from their admins so she could micromanage them (see: Broseidon's Palace of Fishposting). This is a woman who will have her mods kick or mute anyone who shows an inkling of distaste for new episodes in her Discord and FB groups. This is a woman who's fully unapologetic in how controlling, manipulative, and downright abusive she can be towards her own audience.

We have literally had to implement new security measures in our own Discord groups in an attempt to keep her and her cronies out, and yet still it feels like there are things she's doing that are direct responses to what we've said and discussed, on a VERY specific level. And the fact that, even if she's no longer in our space, we have to worry about that sort of thing? It's an abusive reader-creator relationship that is creating paranoia in our community members and sucking the fun out of it all. We shouldn't have to fear a creator or their mods sneaking into our groups to stir up trouble. It's so incredibly invasive and disgusting and it makes me fear for our more involved users who come to our spaces for community, for acceptance, for love and support. We're not just people who trash on LO, we're people who have bonded over our frustrations for it and that's a bond that is now existing beyond LO. These are safe spaces that we've attempted to create and Rachel is feverishly violating them and attempting to rip them apart from the inside.

I'm done. I'm fucking done tiptoeing around the "separating the art from the artist" fence-sitting bullshit when it comes to how people criticize this comic and its creator. LO is a festering pool of misery and misogyny and so is its creator. I can't even be bothered to hate it, I literally do not give a shit. I'm tired of it. It's making me miserable. And it's not worth giving it my time, my energy, or my efforts anymore. Rachel does not deserve my clicks. She does not deserve my follows. She does not deserve the essays that I pour my time and heart into.

I'm not going to be reading LO any further. Not even free episodes. I will be unsubscribing from the comic. I will be unfollowing her socials. My only connection to LO at this point will be through Rekindled and the communities I've partaken in and fostered - Rachel can't destroy the friendships I've made through her work, for better and for worse, as much as she might like to try. I'm cutting off the infection at the source.

I will be answering the remaining asks that are in my inbox that pertain to LO specifically, but after that, I will no longer be devoting this blog purely to LO analysis. It's Rekindled, LO-inspired fan work, and Greek myth content only. I cannot continue to give Lore Olympus attention through my own attempts to analyze it, critique it, and partake in it, because to do so would be to continue sacrificing my own mental health and values as a webcomic consumer and creator, and giving it attention that it does not deserve. It does not deserve even a sliver of admiration or even nostalgia from me, because it has done absolutely nothing to earn it.

As for Rekindled, well. I hope you know the potential of Lore Olympus - and the part of the fandom that has been worn down and disappointed week after week after week - is mine now. I'm taking it. Rachel clearly can't be trusted with the messages and stories that this shit fire of a comic is based on. Lore Olympus is cancelled, Rachel is cancelled. I will unapologetically be hyping up Rekindled, I want it to be good and I'm going to ensure that it does what Rachel couldn't. It's the least I can fucking do for this amazing community that I've gotten to know and felt welcome and accepted in through and through. She and her work do not have any sort of relevance or control in my life anymore. She can make LO all she wants, but in my mind, it does not exist and does not deserve an inkling of attention, it belongs in the same dumpster as Harry Potter, 50 Shades/After, and Empress Theresa.

Rachel may have robbed me of my love for Lore Olympus but she cannot take what I have planned for Rekindled. When I started the comic, I wasn't doing it as any sort of flex on Rachel. I wasn't doing it to "get back" at her or to prove I could "do better". It was a fan project that I was making out of love for what once was, for what I had hoped would be LO. And it still is that - but prepare yourselves, because you're about to see a real Dread Queen arc, not of pettiness, not of unwarranted cruelty, but of justice.

It would be the height of hubris to claim that I can do anything better than another creator, but when the work that Rekindled is based on is a literal dumpster fire of misogyny, sexism, and classism, is it really so hard to make something better? Even the most bare minimum ideas and writing can accomplish more than LO has in the last 2 years at this point. Any of you could do what I'm doing, and I encourage you to do so. Let spite be your motivator. You do not need to be a contracted webcomic creator to create something that will make you happier than LO. Make your fanfiction. Make your panel edits. Create your re-tellings. I will gladly bask in them.

Rachel, I want you to know, you cannot count this as a win, as much as you likely see it as such in your mind. This is your own platform you're systematically destroying, readers who used to love you and your work who you're pushing away with your childish nonsense. The worst we'll have is losing something we like and moving onto something new. You have more to lose. You have more to be worried about as the face of this steaming pile of garbage. You are the one who's going to have to explain to Webtoons why your comic is on fire, why your fanbase is divided, why LO is one of the most dunked on comics alongside Boyfriends and True Beauty, simply because you couldn't have the humility to recognize the glaring issues in your comic and simply do better. Internalize it all you want that you think it's just because you're "popular", but I assure you, people will still despise you, your platform, and your work long after LO has ended and been replaced by the next big thing.

And I assure you, those replacements will be creating out of spite for the damage you've caused. Myself included.

May your every attempt at success and relevance from hence forward be mired by mediocrity and misery for your own putrid creations.

We'll all be doing just fine over here.

[ripplestitchskein]

Brace yourselves Stolitz fans, I think it’s gonna get bumpy. We kind of already knew that but I think it might go longer than we hoped?

So last night I shared my Stolitz pic with my DnD group, I’m doing art for their characters and we have an art space in our game discord and a few of them watch Hazbin and HB. An IRL friend who is also an HB fan asked about the OC in the pic and I shared it was based on the rumor that Stolas is getting a new boyfriend, they could be a parrot potentially voiced by Harvey Guillen but that this was not confirmed or anything. He said “HMMMM that jives with what her assistant told us.”

I’m like “What! Tell me. “

I guess while waiting in line for her to sign for the person in front of them at Mega they were chatting with an assistant and said they loved Look My Way and were interested in where the Stolas and Blitzø story was going. The assistant said they had seen the rest of Season 2 and “You may not love the way it goes if you like the coupling”.

I spiraled immediately, like full on upset. Bitch I cried. I’ve spent hours analyzing this cartoon and that broke me a bit. I’m not necessarily concerned with my ships being “endgame”, I’ve shipped lots of couples that rarely interact just for interesting dynamics. Or couples where one half is literally dead in canon, where they are mortal enemies and not in an enemies to lovers way etc. It just seemed so final and is contradictory to everything the show has setup so far and what I’ve been enjoying about the show and it really fucked me up if I’m honest. I also have a really bad brain though and I know this. I’m not equipped to rationally think about it.

I hesitated to even share what was said because I dislike bumming anyone out but as a speculation and spoiler goblin I’d also like people to share with me so I can prepare myself?

Ive had some time to sit and process and cope a bit “is that information really that different than what we have already?” And the short answer is no, not really. It’s also like their job to tease fans. It was also one sentence I didn’t even actually hear with my own ears lol. My brain just did what it does and took it to the worst place. I took it as “they are killing it completely” and are about to destroy the only reason I enjoy this show so much. Which maaaaay have been an over reaction but I can’t like, help that.

I just honestly cannot fathom how they could so sharply pivot at this point and have it make sense? I can’t fathom why they even would. I don’t even know what role Stolas could possibly have in that scenario. I think that was what upset me the most, Stolas is my favorite and his entire character within the world of the show is completely dependent on his ties to Blitzø to be part of the narrative because he has no ties to IMP outside of it. The idea of him being shelved, even temporarily, is upsetting to me. The show so far is not setup to view characters lives outside of Blitzø and IMP so I can’t see them having Stolas go off and do his own thing without removing him from the narrative completely.

I’m just sad about it and I think I’m putting too much thought into it. Maybe they just meant what we’ve thought all along and that we wouldn’t be happy because of the boyfriend character, and as I’ve said before the split up absolutely has to happen for them to reconcile and come back together. It is actually a good thing story wise for that to happen but the phrasing (though second hand) just depressed the fuck out of me so I wanted to vent a bit and maybe get some outside perspective from people who’s brains work better than mine. It’s possible this is a situation where i know a thing “Stolas is getting a new boyfriend” because I am terminally online and gobble up every like react and ambiguous emoji and assign meaning to it, and the assistant was just talking about that same information assuming my friend didn’t know that (he didn’t) but because I already knew it I’m assigning new meaning to it as if it’s additional different information. That’s a distinct possibility.

Even if it’s the worst case scenario, I’m not a hate watcher, if I don’t like the direction something is going I bitch a bit in mourning and then remove myself completely. So I’ll see how it plays out and see if it makes sense narratively. Maybe I’ll love the direction, who knows. If it what’s we originally speculated based on the narrative setup so far, the boyfriend character is a catalyst to help Blitzø reconcile his feelings and to let Stolas do his own healing and character development but it all that leads to the completion of the story they’ve been telling up to this point that’s perfect. If it leads to less Stolas and a completely different direction than what we’ve spent 1.5 seasons on so far, I don’t know how I would feel about that. I want it clear though I wouldn’t be mad at the creators, it’s their story they can do what they want, and I’m sure others will enjoy whatever they offer up but I personally would just quietly move on to something else.

I’m interested in how others view the response. Just a tease about the boyfriend, and thinking we’ll be unhappy because of that but ultimately it’s going how its been setup? Or should I break out my violin and start up “Nearer, my God, to thee”. I just really need some better brains to give me some perspective,

[mazm-imagines]

Notice! (NOT THE END OF THIS ACCOUNT I PROMMY)

Aheeem aheem wheemper...

Hi guys. Sorry for making false assurances again... just forgor to get to the halloween asks even over my fall break. However I do want to talk about certain things. I want to explain this creative block and for a moment just be vulnerable on here. There's been so much in my life right now I've been feelin like dogshit and then last night i was talking to a friend snd it all clicked. This is a really long post so I'll put it under a cut.

I have to admit... my passion for mazm is dwindling a bit. I wont be dropping the blog or anything not at all. The memories I've made here cheered me up when I was at my worst moments.

I like to write and draw to make people happy. I remember when I was 12, I came onto mazm tumblr tags to just look at things. I came across an incorrect quotes blog, and while I don't think it was the highest effort content, it still put a smile on my face because I could tell whoever ran it was passionate. People were passionate. The mod left around 2020ish??? And i remembered being so sad.

It's hard to make content for small fandoms. Heaven only knows others have it worse... some only have 3 people instead of 5/lh

I've watched mutuals leave the fandom as they lost interest. Which is completely normal like it happens. But it just. Sucks. Its hard to make art/writing when you dont have people to exchange ideas with. I know I should be writing for myself, but I also would like to know that there are people reading and watching. I want to make people happy in the same way i was happy in the past.

But the dwindling activity on here + the lack of participation in the community events such as MazM week makes me want to give up trying sometimes. Not giving up trying to write nor answer asks by any means. I do those of my free will. But give up trying to reach out. I absolutely hate forcing interest, i don't like to harass others.

As i grow older, and younger members join the fandom, i start to feel a disconnect. Not because they are doing anything wrong, and I am happy that children get to enjoy MazM the same way i used to. It's more that my tastes mature, but i don't have anyone to discuss it with. It feels strange.

There's also the fact that I've always been more fond of MazMs original works such as Pechka, Thy Creature, and Hyde and Seek. I like Phantom of the Operas more original aspects ironically, but was never quite fond of Jekyll and Hyde. I often think a large part of MazM discussions involve the adaptations rather than the original aspects. Which again, I feel a bit out of place with.

All of this, and it starts feeling a bit lonely... I must be self pitying because the discord is pretty alive and I do see people in the tags. I appreciate all the creators i see, from the bottom of my heart. Everyone that creates something or speaks their mind or participates, that is what keeps it alive. If anyone ever wants to reach out to me I am more than happy to talk and share ideas.

But I've felt my old work was juvenile. I keep rereading my current work and looking at my current art. I keep feeling "not enough". Its leaked over to my other interests too like IDV. I have to drop one of my biggest projects because I've lost passion for some of the characters due to lore shit. And the other fic, I just couldn't read my prose without cringing. Which sucked because that project was for myself, it wasn't meant to be serious it was just yume shit. But... maybe that just reflects upon how I feel with myself now. That if no one reads, then I must be doing something wrong.

I love mazm from the bottom of my heart, I admire the team so much. It's why I started to draw seriously, it's why i started to read and analyze seriously and heavily influenced my writing. I AM MAZM FAN NUMBER 1!!! i am super excited for the new edgar allen poe game of course i am. It's just seeing the team members leave one by one and the format change so drastically... i don't know. The magic is different. But I will always support MazM despite it all.

So this is where I am now. Burnt out, unable to look at my own creations properly, cold lasagne hate myself. All very kafkaesque im sure. I don't want to put out low effort posts, so that's why I've just been keeping my askbox preserved. To all the people that sent me asks, thank you so so so much. You guys are the reason i am not letting this blog go anywhere. And I am very sorry to keep you all waiting.

[summerineras]

SUMMER IN ERAS: Q&A

So, what is Summer In Eras? Summer In Eras is an event made by swifties and for swifies, lasting a whole summer! There are 12 weeks, with each week representing an era of Taylor Swift's career. There are many events and discussions going on!

What happens during each week? Album Analysis Day: A day to discuss and analyze the lyrics and production of the album associated with that era. (Mondays) [DISCORD & TUMBLR] Gossip Day: A day to send in asks/messages and dish out your hottest takes on the album/era! (Tuesdays) [TUMBLR] Album Listening Party: A listening party for the associated album of the era. (Wednesdays) [DISCORD & TUMBLR] Movie Night: A watch party for the associated tour movie of the era. Unfortunately, Debut, evermore, Midnights and The Tortured Poets Department will not have movie nights as they don't have associated movies. (Fridays) [DISCORD] Memories Day: A Day to reminisce on the memories you have made from the era/album and share it with the community. [DISCORD & TUMBLR]

This schedule is subject to change, FYI!

Where will this event take place? This event will take place here (this blog) and on the Discord server, which will be released when the event starts. The events differ a bit, and some happen on the server while others happen on the blog. It's recommended to follow the Tumblr blog and join the Discord server to get the full experience of the event!

How long will this event last? This event is estimated to start on June 2, 2024 and end on August 24, 2024.

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Charlie’s Facetime Call: Work-Life Balance [劳逸结合] Translation

*Light and Night Masterlist | Charlie’s Personal Masterlist *Click “keep reading” to access video on website (works fine on mobile) *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *Charlie’s tag will be #For Night, For Paradox

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Paradox⊹ —————★❖

Charlie: You picked up really quick. Don't tell me you miss me too?

Charlie: You just happened to be looking something up on your phone? Don't you still have another two days of leave? Are you doing work now?

Charlie: *Sigh* Alright then, I suppose I do have a very career-oriented fiancée.

Charlie: Are you done now though?

Charlie: You didn't contact me even though you were done…? Aw, I'm hurt… A little trip abroad and I'm no longer in your heart?

Charlie: Oh? You were just about to call me, but I'd called first? I knew it, our hearts are connected after all.

Charlie: They do say that reunion after separation is sweeter than being newlyweds. It's true, for our time apart has only made my attraction to you that much stronger. Plus, it got you to think of me right after you finished work.

Charlie: And what is that expression of yours supposed to mean? Oh, I know — I was right on target, and you're embarrassed now.

Charlie: You can rest assured. I'll rein in my charm so that it doesn't cause you any trouble while you're working.

Charlie: How was my day today? I had an operation in the morning. It was a rather rare case, and it took quite a lot of time.

Charlie: Then, at noon, I had a meeting with the doctors in the department to analyze this rare case.

Charlie: And I've been seeing back-to-back patience since the afternoon till now.

Charlie: Am I not tired? I didn't feel tired when you weren't around… but I'm starting to feel the exhaustion now that you've brought it up.

Charlie: To have someone care for you, and empathize with you… This is probably what the sweet burden of love feels like.

Charlie: You think so too? Why are you so honest today?

Charlie: Are you now realizing how important I am to you after being away for so long?

Charlie: No need to explain, I get it.

Charlie: Do you have any plans for the night?

Charlie: Join me if you don't.

Charlie: Although I do admire your work attitude, a good work-life balance would be beneficial for your health, both physically and mentally.

Charlie: Plus, I've always felt that the way I'd previously welcomed you back was lacking.

Charlie: Now it just so happens that I'm going to be on vacation starting tomorrow, so I'll make it up to you on those last two days of your leave.

[kafkaoftherubble]

然后一个星期后，Atom这电脑终于回来了

Well, it's not like it wasn't busy since last Wednesday. It was Wesak Day! Traveling into the city for the procession—the perfect excuse to ramble in the city, at night, without fear of cars—was sweet. Wanna go again next year! Even if it killed the legs!

Future Lyns, you know where the folder for this particular event is, right? It's in the 2024 folder. "Port to Kyle Hyde."

Previous You had written this travelogue called the Wesak Day Picture Book on Discord for Their Princeliness, so I don't really need to reiterate the process anymore. The memories should already be easy to recall based on the photos alone!

Here are some teases:

Really wondered just how much the Buddha and his Sangha wandered around back then. No wonder the guy could get into shape despite sitting around a lot.

-------------

Mom left by Thursday night for Wawa's wedding on Saturday; Lyi came to stay from Saturday till Sunday. On Friday you walked a pretty long distance too, despite the legs hardly recovering from the procession, to get Atom from the repair guys.

It was a whole marathon of tea, Jujutsu Kaisen, and video games on Saturday night. Then it was karaoke on Sunday afternoon because Lyi slept until noon. Typical.

You actually sang a pretty diverse selection of songs this time! Even Kuch Kuch Hota He! You should practice that more often! And you did plenty well on your usual songs, to be honest. 《夜上海》、 《夜来香》、《春风吻上我的脸》、《打鱼忙》等等。Your A Cruel Angel's Thesis has improved! You should find a famous Korean trot song to learn. Oh, hopefully, a new Hokkien Enka. And Japanese Enka too, if the karaoke room is capable... It was hard to find English 1940s jazz songs, ya know?

Have to start slowly working through the zine applicants.

While Atom was away, you actually started making an art piece (Rigless Prince has a way of brute-forcing their encouragement)! It's for one of the best things you have ever discovered in 2024: The Summer Hikaru Died.

To be honest, I really wanna work on that thing above anything else... even making notes on the zine applicants! I don't even know why; zine stuff is far more pragmatic than that thing.

I also REALLY wanna write a ramble with citations about the latest Jujutsu Kaisen chapter, because seeing only a certain side of commentaries going dominant among readers really annoyed us. I think they misunderstand quite a bit of the narrative—the sort you get when you aren't used to analyzing the story through other valid perspectives aside from your default, broad-brush pop cultural lens.

Jujutsu Kaisen, again, has a lot of Buddhist philosophical influence despite not making it a centerpiece. Understanding the characters and narrative through a Buddhist lens isn't me offering an alternative, but ultimately ornamental, allegorical look that bears lesser significance in your assessment—I'll argue it's actually one of the important angles to look at the narrative. And right now, there are precious few people who are looking beyond their gut reactions and Gege-hate meme-ing to realize that this chapter is one of the better ones Gege has written for a long time.

Sigh. Looks like we have quite some work ahead of us.

[mdhwrites]

Oh. That's Not Good.

Someone brought up in my Discord praising how Luz has a negative character arc. The comments claimed that she broke the hero's journey goes off to scream at how wrong that is and how her arc was amazing and...

I got so angry that I gave myself a headache and made my eyes hurt.

I just hate Luz at this point. Luz is what broke the show initially for me after all because she's just a bad person. Unlike people who ACTUALLY try to subvert the Hero's Journey though, the show doesn't acknowledge she's a bad person. It excuses and wants you to sympathize with EVERY mistake she makes after Yesterday's Lie which is when Luz stops being a genuinely very common, basic ass cartoon protagonist. That is NOT a break in the hero's journey or brave storytelling, that's just ramping up the stakes, something I still think the show utterly fails at except through narrative cheats.

I want to remind everyone that a large part of why I've had to stop writing TOH fanfiction is because my brain couldn't let me write Luz for romance. Literally during a one off I was writing, my brain went, "That's out of character. She wouldn't care that much. She wouldn't be asking these questions and she wouldn't be inconveniencing herself." And this was BEFORE I started analyzing the show. Before I stopped watching it. But it WAS after Reaching Out, the episode I think most assassinates both Luz and Amity's characters and frankly killed canon Lumity for me, even if I didn't want to admit it at the time.

This isn't a normal analysis blog. I'm not trying to really teach with this. There's SO MUCH to learn from Luz's failings after all that I could but this feels more in line with the whole ten years reflection thing. After all, it's been almost two years since Reaching Out. I haven't finished a project in a year and a half. What do pretty much all of those projects have in common?

They were still trying to do Lumischa, despite one third of that equation being broken for my brain. I do wonder if it's why last night, I found a conversion edit of one of the kinkiest stories I've ever written so easy. It's as far away from Lumity and TOH as I could possibly get after all. And... Maybe that's just what I need to do if I have this subconcious anger about Luz.

That sucks. I don't like admitting it but... It's kind of just how it might need to be for me.

Edit: The fanfic this happened during, for those curious.

======+++++======

For those potentially going "Which of your stories are you converting": None that I have publicly published. This was a 35k story I wrote four years ago during the kinkiest year of my writing (then followed up by a sapphic erotica story before starting the last three years of no erotica from me) and was one that when I finished it in like four days I went "I bet I could convert this because I'm actually kind of proud of it." And then I never got to that but did remember it yesterday and made actually some decent progress on it. Will I finish? Shrug But again, maybe it's the sort of change of pace I need.

Also no tags because this is more a vent than analysis and I don't feel like tagging that.

[eshithepetty]

don't feel the need to reply to this but THANK YOU so much for your ritsu meta, i always love reading when you post and even if i don't always agree 100% you have such amazing and insightful meta about mp100, especially ritsu. like ritsu as a character resonated with me SO MUCH and i could see myself in him and i actually like that he snapped because of all the pressure and loneliness he was under, because it felt so realistic to me. and i really do think that even if it's lighthearted, the fandom DOES mischaracterize him a lot and that he's not just emo or angsty or violent, and it's really depressing to see people depict ritsu as like... depressed, jealous, making stupid decisions, mean, etc ALL the time. it honestly gets super frustrating... i guess i just want to say that i really appreciate when people do take the time to analyze his character and see his good traits, and that i am really grateful to you for like, continuing to treat every mp100 character with respect

Yesss,,, you're so right anon actually. Every character in mp100 gets flanderized by the fandom from time to time, that will just happen with fandoms, and with mp100 it's an especially easy issue to fall into because... like. As that one post by scribe said, mp100's characters work on contradictions, and people aren't usually well versed in working with that. but with Ritsu, it does seem to paint him in a rather negative light, huh? Those aspects of his character do exist, but it does get frustrating when, as I've said before, they're the only ones people focus on to a surface level. I'm not gonna be the most coherent rn cause I hadn't been able to sleep all night (not related to anything, my sleep schedule's just fucked lmao), but I really feel you anon on that. I see a lot of myself and my sibling in Ritsu (and Mob), and so I guess that's why it sometimes hurts for me too - to see people dismissing him as just 'angry' and 'irrational', to see his struggles boiled down to him just being dramatic. I'm not gonna get into it, and I'm aware this is my own personal baggage to work through, but yeah.

I will say, though, I find the comments about how silly it is for Ritsu to be angsting over people 'complimenting him' especially funny 😭 bro you dont even know how much people lauding you over your sibling while you both are actually in extreme distress and can't actually communicate enough to help each other can fuck you up lmao

Anyways!!! Thank you for that last comment as well <33 I'm not a very funny person, or a very active part of the fandom, or someone who does well in forging connections and being entertaining, but I do try my best to always understand these characters and express how I feel about them. That's my way of having fun with shows ig, I really like diving deep into these things and having discussions with people and losing my mind over little funny guys (my friends on discord will be able to attest to this, based on how many inane rambles they've been subjected to. Hi Kegan and Saj if u happen to read this hdhsjhehe) So thank you for sending this ask as well, and allowing me to talk some more :)

I should be preparing for school now, though, so I'll end it here. Hope you have a good day/night anon, as well as everyone else reading this <3

[pastelkofii]

Hey everyone! I'm kind-of back after a semi-hiatus!

Over the past few months, I haven't been very active on IG/TikTok or any of my other social media platforms except for Twitter, which unfortunately seems to be dying unless you purchase Twitter Blue. I've been focusing on real-life stuff like studying and my job, but I recently started posting regularly on Threads and streaming on Twitch, which has been incredibly successful. Thank you so much for your support on those platforms!

Before coming back, I took some time to step back, analyze social media algorithms, and make a plan - and that's what I've done! While I'm still prioritizing Twitch and commission work, I want to start doing art for myself again.

What's new? VGen, a site for trusted artists and creators to collaborate on commissioned work, took me on as a partner in June 2023. We also hit affiliate status on Twitch last week, which means you can support me by subbing, donating, or watching along and keeping me company. I've been experimenting with Ko-Fi and Etsy by making digital downloadables like streaming overlays. Subscribers and donators to my Ko-Fi can get a sketch of themselves, their OC, or a character! Also - I have a Discord now! You can find the link in my carrd since IG posts don't allow links. I'm active in there and keep a stream log. I hope to organize movie/anime nights, discord-exclusive streams, early access, etc. It's intended to be a community for artists and art enthusiasts, not just for me!

What's next? For the summer, I plan to focus on creating shop items, finishing up any remaining commissions or donation rewards, and streaming five days a week. I'll also try to post more regularly online - specifically on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. Having post notifications on to make sure you see this really means the world to me!

Thank you for your support and I hope to see you around!

[ tags ]

[telenovelameta]

woo let's go. new blog! created this mostly so i dont spam my main with stuff most gringos haven't even heard about lol

so as anyone who's talked to me for 2 minutes irl knows... i watch a lot of novelas. like a lot. specially when working all-nighters... i usually get through a lot of storylines pretty quickly (i can hit 20+ episodes in a night easy, healthy? idk... but there's just something about melodrama that hits The Right Chemicals in my brain, esp during Deadline Crunch Time). but, i'm usually someone that likes to analyze and criticize the stuff i watch, and it's usually pretty frustrating to not have anywhere to put those thoughts (besides the after mentioned off-topic spam on main), i also feel this medium is kinda under-scrutinized, even by "professional critics" (who are usually, tbh, pretty baseline in their analysis), so, hence this blog. expect takes / opinions / analysis just general comments on novelas i'm currently watching. maybe some gifsets reblogs here and there when i catch those rare fish, maybe some fanart if im really in the mood... in general tho i'm extremely busy w/ other projects (fandom projects included) so expect this blog to be rlly informal and "train of thought"- ish. sorta like ur personal broadcast of my internal monologue from injecting 200+ hours of melodrama into the brain. .... so, what to expect? currently i'm going through: 1- a viagem (the 90s globo remake, am at chapter 61 of 167)

2- totalmente demais (have about 10 eps to finish)

3- bom suceso (about 30 eps to finish i think?) 4- alem da ilusao (i was following this day-to-day when it was airing but kinda lost interest in the last month, i'm looking to finish it at some point though) --- there's 3 novelas that live rent free in my head and i will probably post about sporadically as well: i've also been doing an on-and-off rewatch of senhora do destino (third one, this time with my mom), we're on episode 90 or so I believe. it's been about 2 years of a rewatch tho so lol may take at least another 3. besides that, some n i'm part of the team of @floricientasubbed , and am always translating and analyzing the eps of floricienta. mostly the new takes i get while doing that are kept on our discord, but if there's a worthy enough idea to share, i'll put it here. i'm also working on a long-term sequel project (fan comic format) to cheias de charme, which i may also post about from time to time. --- in the future im looking to watch some venezuelan ones... and maybe rewatch las aparicio (maybe after reading dona flor y sus dos maridos? i feel in first watch i missed some of that literary context). i have more brazilian stuff in the queue as well, but i would like to switch it up a bit after finishing the ones i'm currently going through. well, that's it for now! back to the proverbial tube...

[spacevulpix]

i feel like this is almost a teenage problem so it's ridiculous i'm experiencing it at 25 but it's been on my mind close to a year so idk what to do.

my last partner and i split in spring 2020, right before the US went into lockdown, and one of my friends reached out soon after to say he liked me, and i politely turned him down and we both went on with our lives, nothing different.

in 2022, he started to act kind of weird. he called me all the time out of nowhere, talked to me about how great i was in this sickly sweet tone of voice, and even bought me a pokemon plush i had mentioned i was thinking about getting for myself, which i did not accept. it culminated in him calling me one night last summer to tell me he still liked me and i was honest that i was uncomfortable with him doing this, that my feelings hadn't and never would change, and that he'd seriously crossed a boundary by disregarding my first "no."

i think partially what i'm actually mad about is that he never really acknowledged what he did. i sent him a long message explaining how awful i felt, how disrespected, like he didn't care about what i wanted, and all he said in reply was "sorry, it will never happen again."

my problem now is, i'm still upset. i'm still mad at him and quite frankly i don't want to talk to him, like at all. i avoid going into our group's discord calls if he's there, and it bothers me when he joins calls that i'm already on. but i can't just tell him not to participate on discord, everyone in that server are his friends too, and it wouldn't be fair to exile him from the group.

but it's also not fair to me that i feel like i have to avoid him or socialize around him. i was fine acting like nothing happened the first time, because stuff happens and i thought he'd move on. but this time... it's harder. first of all, i essentially have no guarantee that he doesn't still feel that way about me and has just resolved himself to hiding those feelings. i don't want to spend my time watching what i say or analyzing the things he says to try and avoid any double meanings or decode stuff. second, it just hurts that he totally disregarded my feelings and tried again, because we were really good friends - like we used to hang out every single day in college. third, he was going through a hard time mentally when this happened. we hadn't seen each other in person since graduating in 2020 at the time he called me that summer, and i feel like he used his memory of me as something to latch onto while he was struggling. he put me on a pedestal and seemed to think if he could just have that kind of intimacy with me that he'd be fine.

it just sucks that he gets to go on with his life with nothing more than an embarrassing memory but i have to suck it up and play nice.

[lone-wolf-no-more]

Iron Will, Tender Heart

Saturday, March 11th, 2023 [Day 14]

Holy Chicago. I don’t think it’s any exaggeration for whatever reason, me starting this challenge has coincided with some much-needed soul-searching and upheaval in my life, and decidedly, one of the craziest (if not the craziest) turning-points and moments in my life.

Now, before I go any further with this entry, I have to state that I allowed myself last night to stay up past midnight. And no, I’m choosing to not restart at Day 1. Why? Because of the reason I was awake that late (or early, rather). Part of the reason I started this challenge in the first place was to help me to re-focus on my goals and look inwardly more, and start expanding my horizons in terms of self-development and taking myself out of my comfort zone. So to restart the challenge would mean that what I did was counter-productive to the challenge, which it wasn’t. Part of my problem is being so afraid of “putting myself out there”, and being afraid of social interaction in general.

I was up later simply because I was on a “Discord watch party”, and part of that was having the option to have microphones on, which I did. Yes, I understand that to a degree that there’s far less pressure in that setting, because you’re not there in person with anybody, but it can still potentially be nerve-wracking to somebody who not only has been far too isolated (again, even before 2020), but who has a lot of work to do on their social skill, and their self-confidence. So no, I’m not “starting over”. Starting over would imply that I literally have to follow a rule of “no socialization past a certain time”, and to me that would be self-defeating, and not really practical, since at this point, I need what I can get, 100%.

But playing off of that, there are three things that I’ve noticed with myself, that may seem very simple to someone else, but to me, they’re quite a big deal. Firstly, just being silent and letting others talk is a must. Now, I have this weird dichotomy where I can go for long periods of time without talking, or even having the desire to do so. But when I feel more at ease in certain places or settings, that will probably cause me to talk more, and what’s more, talk more freely. Which brings me to my other two problems. One, I need to not over-compensate for feeling out of place by not saying random stuff out of nowhere in an effort to be funny or fit in (so, “get a feel for the room”), and secondly, once I say something, and just own it, over time I must accept that I don’t need to feel bad or awkward just because EVERYONE around me didn’t accept it the way I would like.

I would ideally like to strike that balance of being myself and not holding back not to just be a people-pleaser, but also not just speaking my mind without showing tactfulness and consideration for others.

The final piece is that when I am in social situations, it causes me to analyze myself and my belief systems more, and make me think about why I think the way I do, and about what kind of people I want to be around longer-term.

Phew...so ya see, this is still Day 14, and I rest my case.

The other thing I’m starting to really come to terms with is the fact that yet again, you cannot have all the next steps in place before you move forward. You can’t steer a car that isn’t in motion. No matter how hard you stare into that “fog of war” (Age of Empires 2, anyone?) it isn’t going to magically disappear. And no matter how many Google (*ahem* DuckDuckGo, screw Google, seriously) searches you do on “how to make money online”, “quickest way to make money online”, whatever, you’re seriously going to be missing the point. You first have to have your head in the right place, and secondly, you need at least one reliable, caring person on your side cheering you on and keeping you going.

And for me, the weird thing is, despite all these storm clouds that are increasingly gathering, because, let’s face it, 2023 is going to be the worse year yet since 2020, I’m feeling more optimistic. Because I’m beginning to see more “pieces of the puzzle” when it comes to being successful and taking advantage of the good times, and in this case, the horribly, wrongly bad times. And one of those is getting yourself around more people who think outside the box, who are where you want to be, and who won’t steer you away from the person you’re trying to become.

Been starting more of my days by just lying in bed “thinking aloud” to myself about what the next steps should be, asking myself questions about how the past week or day has gone, and what I should be doing to make the next step forward today.

Decisive. That’s the word that I want to characterize me in the next 3 to 6 months. No more messing around, no more waffling between “business ideas” and such. It’s just going to be about taking steps forward, even if I have NO flipping clue what the next 2 to 3 steps will be after that one. Wasting time worrying about 1,001 different outcomes is not a luxury I have right now! 1,001 Outcomes. Now there’s a book title. I should publish that. And literally all it would be is one page that says what I just said about not wasting time.

So, what does that mean exactly? Well, right now, it just means more of the same, but more focused. It means getting up in the morning to demo trade 3 days a week consistently. It means thinking more seriously about where I want to move, because that will mean thinking about what community I want to be integrated into. And then longer-term, getting into a business-buying mastermind, so that I have sustainable income that’s not dependent on day trading, so that I can keep the same amount (and more) money coming in consistently. And more importantly, build the life and world around me that I want to see.

Which leads me to the last and final thing I want to talk about. I’ve officially decided that while I most certainly don’t want to live in a neighborhood like the one where I currently am (houses super close to each other, neighbors sorta kinda socialize, streets are super narrow with nerve-wracking blind spots at corners and street intersections), I also do NOT want to be super isolated, with my nearest neighbor being like half a mile away or whatever. I’ve lived both, and neither appeal to me. No point in squirreling away resources and isolating myself so that I can “be safe” a bit longer, and just die alone. But also no point in living in a congested, stereotypical suburbia area where I have a tiny backyard and not much else. If I can find somewhere that somehow simultaneously manages to be more like the neighborhood I grew up in (everyone knew each other, kids played together outside and on the street, and in each-other’s yards, there was a real sense of community), but is somehow more connected with nature and living more independently, that would be a dream come true. That would be my ideal. So, if I so chose to have times of being more alone and working alone, I could, but I’d still have neighbors and friends nearby to talk to and help me if I needed them. I’m done with all my relationships and friendships being restricted to what they are right now (no offense to the amazing people I’ve connected with online, of course). I just know from personal experience that there is something so incredibly special about real human interaction. Nuts that we live in a time where I feel the need to say that, but there it is. And even many people who make their living as content creators (such as Mr. Beast, Ryan Trahan, and Graham Stephan) have said that “remote meetings” are no real replacement for what happens when people are actually in a room together. And I agree. It’s not rocket science, it’s just reality, and we can’t argue against that. And if anything, I would say that the right kind of content will foster a great wonder and curiosity about the world, and a greater desire to explore it, alongside other people.

Okay, I’ve said that I didn’t have a longer, more deep blog entry. There ya go lol. I think I’ve more than made up for that.

Eissac (DRVN challenger partner, and author of “From Rock Bottom” blog here on Tumblr) actually just asked me the very thing I was thinking about more: “Are there any creative projects that you’re working on now?” And again, time to stop thinking about what I don’t “have the time and energy to do right now in my current surroundings”, and just do something! Because at the end of the day, more creative work will help me pace myself with the more intellectual, “practical” work. So, I guess some video editing is in order for tomorrow. Awesome!

Until next time. Toodaloo…

^One of my most favorite soundtrack pieces, from one of my favorite "feel good" movies. I'm grinning ear to ear listening to it right now, it's so uplifting to me. I actually referenced this movie in one other place besides the entry title. You're a legend if you caught the reference. I think I may need to go back and re-watch it sometime soon.