#warning:suicide

[soon-palestine]

[allovesthings]

Devin Grayson's trauma dumping of Dick happened at the same time as the Outsiders (2003) and I think I would have loved to read Roy and Dick having a conversation after Blüdhaven is destroyed and he almost killed himself trying to save those people.

Don't get me wrong, while I really didn't like how Bruce handled it after (don't yell at your passively suicidal son that you won't forgive him if he doesn't value his own life), I get why it had to be Bruce there.Among other things, It's his judgement that has Dick spinning around in circles but I wish Roy also got a chance to have a conversation. They've really been building up Dick's declining mental health in the Outsiders. Helena is out there telling Roy that something is really clearly wrong with Dick and Roy himself has created the team specifically because he knows Dick is trying to isolate himself because of Donna's death.

In my opinion, it doesn't really culminates to anything in the Outsiders. Even Donna's return,which you would think was Dick's reason for being so bad if you read The Outsiders only and which happens in the Outsiders/Titans crossover, kinda put Dick in the backseat while focusing on Cassie and Roy. That isn't a bad thing in itself but it kinda feel like they dropped that plot a little bit (Dick does quit and come back but that's before she is back).A conversation between them could have been a catharsis or a resolution of that plotpoint, especially considering the Outsiders shows up at the end and Roy specifically tells Oracle that something is very clearly wrong with Dick after Dick knock him out right before Blüdhaven is nuked.

Also, when I first read the Devin Grayson run, one of my main criticisms (apart from all of the racism and badly handled sa and the fact that she couldn't even finish the story she wanted to tell) is that from the moment Haly circus is destroyed and Babs kicks him out of her apartment the next day until the war games, Dick is isolated and it's very weird because a lot of things happening to him are making the news (Amy is the one who seems to be there, oh and Alfred makes an appearance I guess) but after having read Outsiders, it really feels like Roy was the only one who was trying to actively help him and stop him from self-isolating (and then he got shot in the chest five times).

[kichimiangra]

Random thought: Trigger Warning Suicide.

Telling a suicide survivor who is trying to comfort another suicide survivor whom, the second person is only 3 days out from the event having happenned and maybe needs some comfort and to be felt like they are heard, only for the two to be told to watch their language and should instead use the word "Unalive" instead of "suicide" is super fucking disrespectful.

It's not a happy word. It's not a word that illicit positive emotions. It shouldn't be censored into a more palatable word, a more marketable word, or even a less triggering word, and to tell someone who is suffering and someone who has been there that is trying to comfort the other that they are not allowed to call the action what it is... is kinda scummy. And gross.

[lucyan4951]

Unfinished drawings that I drew long ago:3

-Warning:suicide-

[wandasreallover]

She don't wanna be saved|wanda Maximoff x reader

Warning:suicide, depression, overdose

Growing up, life was never easy for me. I had always struggled with depression, a dark cloud that seemed to follow me wherever I went. No matter what I did,no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to shake it off. It wasn't until I met Wanda Maximoff that I truly believed I had found someone who could help me through it all.

Wanda and I met by chance, in a small coffee shop in New York City. She was sitting alone in a corner, sipping on her drink and looking lost in thought. I remember feeling drawn to her, as if we were connected somehow. I mustered up the courage to approach her and we ended up talking for hours. We had an instant connection and I knew that she was someone special.

As we got to know each other, Wanda opened up to me about her own struggles and how she found a way to overcome them. She told me about her powers and how she used them to help others as well as losing her brother, and I couldn't help but admire her strength and determination. Being with her made me feel like I could overcome anything.

From that day on, Wanda and I were inseparable. We shared everything with each other, and she showed me a world I never knew existed. It was as if Shecleard the fog in my mind. She took me to places I had only dreamed of and introduced me to people who quickly became my friends. I truly believed that I was getting better, that I was finally able to leave my depression behind.

But as they say, what goes up must come crashing down, . And when it did, it hit me harder than ever before.

Wanda was away on a mission with the Avengers, and I was left alone in our apartment. At first, I was fine. I went about my daily routine, trying my best to keep my mind occupied. But as the days went by, I felt myself slipping back into the darkness. I tried to fight it, I really did, but it was a losing battle.

I couldn't bring myself to leave the apartment or even open the curtains. The only time I left my room was to eat or go to the bathroom. I didn't want to burden Wanda with my struggles, especially when she was out there saving the world. So, I put on a façade, pretending that everything was okay.

But then, one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor, crying uncontrollably. The weight of the world was crushing me, and I felt like I couldn't escape it. I reached for the bottle of pills in the medicine cabinet and without hesitation, I swallowed handful after handful until it was empty.

In that moment,before the pain, before the struggle, I felt a sense of relief. I thought I had finally found a way to end my pain. But as the darkness closed in and my vision blurred, I realized that I didn't want to die. I wanted to live, I wanted to be with Wanda and see the world through her eyes. But it was too late, the pills had taken their effect and I knew I was slipping away do despite my hesitation I made my peace. Death had been my best friend for years, he was always there giving me an opinion, giving me control, offering the freedom I craved.

As I lay on the bathroom floor, my vision fading, I managed to scrawl a note to Wanda. It was messy and barely legible, but I hoped that she would understand. I apologized for leaving her, for not being strong enough to fight my demons. I told her how much she meant to me, and how grateful I was for the time we spent together. And with my last bit of strength, I wrote that I loved her.

I don't know how much time had passed when I heard the apartment door open. I tried to lift my head to see who it was, but my body wouldn't cooperate. Until, I felt someone kneeling beside me and I heard Wanda's panicked voice calling out my name. But I wasn't looking up at her like I expected no, I was outside looking in on her pain.

When she saw me lying there, she let out a strangled cry and cradled my head in her lap. Through my still blurry vision, I could see the tears streaming down her face as she pulled me closer to her. And then she saw the note in my hand and her sobs became even more intense.

I could feel my body shutting down, though I wasn't in it, I wanted to say something, anything to comfort Wanda. In a raspy voice, I managed to tell her that I loved her and that I was sorry. Not that she could hear me. Everything went black after that.

No ones pov

Wanda never truly got over you, not when she fell in love with vision, not when she had her children. Two twins a boy named Billy and a girl she named "kamil" meaning perfect a nickname she gave you at the start of your relationship.

In the first few years, wanda would visit the gave where you were buried at least once a week. She would spend hours telling you the events in her life with such caution. She has stopped crying every time she visits now, it was getting easier yet it still ached the same as it did when she found you lying there.

You looked forward to Wanda's visits and unbeknownst to her you would sit on the other side of the headstone with your back to her listening with great interest. You were proud of her and her achievements, you just wish you were there to achieve them with her.

Over time Wanda's visits became less frequent dwindling to only important events such as your birthday or Christmas. That was until her visits stopped all together. She had officially moved on without you.

A/n:I sincerely apologise. I hurt myself writing this but I needed it so like I'm just going to leave this here.

[sillymoonboi]

VENT⚠️

Warning:Suicide thoughts

Im gonna be taking a break again and im gonna turn off my asks- since a thing BEFORE CHRISTMAS happend- and pushed all my buttons to the point i can’t take it anymore

Let me explain

So today i was taking a shower and after i was hairdrying my hair and my dad came and my mom was also there, and my dad grabbed me by the hair where it was wet hard to the point i said “ow” and my mom instantly asumed i was crying and then started yelling i walked away since i did not want to deal with something like this on christmas eve, So i was sitting in my bed and then she barges in and takes my phone away and then my dad comes in and starts yelling at me and saying its my fault, and my mom joined in , that’s where i started crying- they also said i ruined their day and their Christmas or some shit- and my dad took my laptop away too- they took anything that i can use to contact someone, and they left me there alone while i was crying. Then my brother came and i told him what happend and he said to not put to heart and to stop crying.

Then my dad dragged me to apologize to my mom for idk reason and then my brother started defending them, and my dad kept blaming it on my phone and laptop- they yelled at me and i went outside for some air and just hugged my dog, my brother was also playing on my laptop and my dad acused me of opening it or playing on it-, anyways then i was asked to watch over my niece while she sleeps, im afraid of her future as a woman.

It made me realise how much my parents made me feel afraid being a girl.. why do they never take the blame? Im starting to hate boys…. I can’t find myself dating one….idk why but the more i hate boys the more i want to become one…. Maybe then my parents would actually see me.. maybe then they would treat me seriously and not saying “stop complaining or stop crying or i’ll give you a reason to cry”

It also made me think of suicide thoughts… Why would they blame me for the littiest things… i can’t take it anymore…Not even my own mother i can’t trust… i know shouldn’t think of these at my age but i can’t anymore with the amount stress..

I hate being a girl… i wish i was a boy..

Luckily i managed to get my phone back so i can tell you guys this

[someone-very-shy12]

These days I have been working on several things, but recently I wrote a poem... and I would like to share it

Warning:suicidal

Cuchillo en garganta , estoy asfixiada

Trato de seguir, pero estoy estancada

Me hundo en frustración y estoy desesperada

Pero un alma joven me ama

Quiero amarlo , quiero ser amada

Pero mi dolor me tiene congelada

Mdm

[kaisooficrec]

Sun and Moon Fest: 1st Eclipse

A Fairytale Romance

Genre: Romance, Shapeshifters AU, Fluff, Established Relationship, fairytale

Rating: PG-13

Length: 3,796 w

Summary: Jongin never thought that he would fall in love with someone like Kyungsoo. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of biracial marriage. He had no care for gender either. Love was love and when he found the perfect person to share his life with, that was it.

a specific type of self-care

Genre: Kyungsoo-centric, Gried/Mourning, Ambiguous/Open Ending

Warning: Major Character Death, Depression, Mild Gore, Implied Suicide

Rating: R

Length: 5,914 w

Summary: Kyungsoo struggles to find reality.

this is how you fall in love

Genre: Soulmates AU, Friends to Lovers, Tattoos, Baker Kyungsoo

Warning: character with anxiety, close call with a panic attack

Rating: PG-13

Length: 14,560 w

Summary: Jongin doesn't want a tattoo to determine who he will spend his future with which is why he decides to get as many as possible so that the choice will be his

A Song for Xx

Genre: Dystopia AU, Romance, Angst, Slightly dark

Warning: Mentions of physical abuse, Implied Suicide 

Rating: R

Length: 5,384 w

Summary: Among the ruins of buried cities, Kyungsoo yearns for the sky. Jongin yearns for a home. Somehow, both can be found in an abandoned warehouse.

Make It Happen (to you)

Genre: Soulmates AU, Fluff, Coffee Shops

Rating: PG-13

Length: 6,824 w

Summary: Kyungsoo welcomes a dream every night, one where he sees what his soulmate sees during their days. But what happens when Kyungsoo sees that his soulmate is coming to meet him?

Go Not Into This Night...

Genre: Action/Adventure, MAMA Era Powers, Red Force, Fate & Destiny, Ambiguos/Open Ending

Rating: PG-13

Length: 4,702 w

Summary: Kyungsoo thinks that his shift at the diner is going to go as usual, serve a couple of customers, and the guy that comes in with the white hair and the star tattoo who orders the same thing every time.Everything seems normal, until he's aware that it isn't.

Still just a crush?

Genre: jongin is a nurse, Secret Crush, Misunderstandings, Baekhyun is the good friend that everybody needs, Junmyeon is a tease, Kyungsoo makes the best coffee, maybe bc he's really whipped lmao, a little bit of sekai, but its really nothing

Rating: PG-13

Length: 4,342 w

Summary: Kyungsoo has a crush on his neighbor, he has already accepted that, but it's been months now... and his feelings make him feel like a fool sometimes. Does his feelings for Jongin still count as a simple crush? Baekhyun assures that no.

Dancing in the Kitchen

Genre: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Arranged Marriage, Falling In Love, One Shot

Rating: PG-13

Length: 7,259 w

Summary: The lockdown is announced on the day Kyungsoo and Jongin have an arranged marriage.

Echoes of Night.

Genre: Modern Assassins, Supernatural Elements, Supernatural Creatures, MAMA Era Powers, Memories, Memory Magic, Magic, Witches, Wizards, Fae & Fairies, Elves, Immortals, Photographs, Eventual Fluff, Established Relationship

Warning: Blood, Violence, Guns

Rating: PG-13

Length: 5,301 w

Summary: Kyungsoo travels from place to place, with only his photo albums to store his memories of travels past.But something strange arrises when a man he met in passing earlier in the day is in more than several photos of his photo album when he checks it later that same evening.

Fucking Perfection

Genre: Porn With Plot, Fluff, Top Kyungsoo, Bottom Jongin, Praise Kink, Overstimulation

Rating: NC-17

Length: 11,526 w

Summary: Kyungsoo is a renowned sculptor, who uses an alias and doesn't do just any personal projects. Jongin is a wealthy and arrogant CEO. When Jongin wants a sculpture of himself, he calls for Kyungsoo's services. And maybe Kyungsoo doesn't mind at all.

You And I (Shouldn't Feel Like A Crime)

Genre: College AU, Friends to Lovers, slight!kaistal, Romance, Mutual Pining, Friendship, Kissing, cursing

Rating: PG-13

Length: 5,622 w

Summary: Just Jongin and Kyungsoo struggling through university and the blurry lines between friendship and something more.

Virtually Impossible

Genre: Romance, Smut, Light Angst, Comedy

Rating: R

Length: 4,212 w (on-going)

Summary: Jongin knew it was a bad idea. But with the incessant goading of his friend, Baekhyun, he threw caution to the wind and entered an entire new world. Only, he didn't expect to find a secret that was bigger than his own when he got there.

Fate and Other Things

Genre: Soulmates AU, Minor Character Death, Mentions of Cancer, Implied Mpreg, clueless jongin pines over stubborn kyungsoo

Rating: R

Length: 5,395 w (on-going)

Summary: In a universe where finding your mate is rare, the rich executive, Kim Jongin, strikes the jackpot with a cynical and brooding singer who happens to already be in love with someone else.

[werewolff4rt]

About my twitter account...

being honest I haven't seriously thought about leaving my twitter account

just a few days ago I started to feel pressure and discomfort every time I entered the platform

Not to mention that before my account was dedicated to a single fandom and that condemned me, making only drawings of said fandom have attention and other things like my projects or drawings of things that I like are ignored.

I don't want to make another twitter account, not for fear of not being able to grow, but for the simple fact that I don't care as much as before, that's why my twitter account became inactive

I like to draw, publish and show my art, being able to hear opinions and see the art of others, but feeling uncomfortable with the platform, not to mention the type of people that are commonly in the fandom that before, in which I was very active there, I just doesn't want to go back

Yesterday and today I entered the account and the only thing I saw in my twitter feed was pure SH or disgusting comments about characters (comments that ended in s3xu4l things)

With this I am not saying that I am innocent, I am aware that I also make comments of that type (SH or insinuating a suic!de), or I make drawings that can be disgusting and that I do not put censorship (example: a drawing that I made a character with vomit a long time ago), still not proud of it and ended up using twitter more as a place where I could express my personal pain, but at the same time, I felt like I just got sicker on the spot.

I clarify that I am aware that not everyone in said fandom is like this, but it is sad to see that the vast majority are like this or approve of things like that.

[belovedofthemosthigh]

!!MAJOR PRAYER REQUEST!!!

a friend of mine reached out today and asked for prayers for her family. Her father has been missing for the last 24 hours. They found his car a few miles between his house and the river and the search and rescue squad found a whole in the ice where he could have fallen in. He had suffered with severe depression and PTSD from his time in the military which makes people worry... Please share and pray for the "R family" and "father R"!! This family needs our help!!!

[squishyfruitloop]

I honestly wish there was a way that I could truly tell The Young Bucks and Kenny Omega that they have literally saved my life in the last few years. With my husband going through cancer treatment, the pandemic, and just my own mental health problems, I've been on the edge of suicide more than once.

I wish they knew how many times I said to myself, "I just have to hold on to Monday. BTE will help." Or "I can't go before I see this Bucks match or that Kenny match."

Just the promise of five minutes of them gave me the hope to make it a few more days.

I wish so hard that I could tell them.

[foxydivaxx]

The Mystery of The Black Rose Chapter 1

After this, I don't think I can write any stories or anything anymore. I should just quit.

The Davis family at a glance seem to have it all. A seemingly perfect, well rounded and God-fearing family. The late Chief Gboyega Davis passed away about 18 years ago and many expected the matriarch of the family to falter over her husband's death. Yet this woman somehow managed to bounce back via her clothing line Violet Life which is reportedly worth a billion dollars.

Naturally with such success, there would be a lot of pressure on each of her three children to succeed in whatever chosen field that they set their sights on. So far, the oldest two children are doing well in their careers. Temitope, the oldest child and the only son of the family, is now a successful and highly respected doctor. Bisola who is currently married is an accountant for Savannah Bank.

All that remained at the moment is the youngest child Wuraola who is still in University studying Journalism in the hopes that she makes it as journalist someday. The girl comes across as a shy yet sweet and friendly person to be around. However, there lies a great pain in her heart. Said pain emerged one fateful day during a phone conversation with her sister Bisola.

"Wura, you are overreacting again. Mother isn't like that."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!! I AM NOT CRAZY!! MUMMY HAS THAT TENDENCY TO NOT ONLY INSULT THE HOUSEGIRL AND TELL HER TO HER FACE THAT SHE IS ONLY A HOUSEGIRL BECAUSE SHE LACKS INTELLIGENCE!! THIS SAME OLD HAG ALSO INSULTED ME FOR TRIPPING OVER THE STUPID CARPET AS I HELPED HER BRING SOME COOKIES!! THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN BULLYING ME AND THE STAFF FOR YEARS FOR FUCK'S SAKE!! YOU WERE THERE WHE THAT WOMAN CUT MY HAIR OFF FOR NOT DOING THE HAIRSTYLE SHE WANTED ME TO DO AND YOU BLOODY DID NOTHING!! YOU AND TOPE!!"

Thank goodness their mother had gone out otherwise had the woman listened in on Wura's rant, the child's situation could have gotten worse.

"Seriously Wura calm down. Also, yelling like that will not help matters. Plus mum had every right to yell at both you and Yemisi since both of you do not know what you are doing half the time!!"

Wura just sighs. Why did she even bother herself with reporting her mother to her sister who is obviously so blind and refuses to look at anyone's point of view? It is almost as though Bisola cares more about herself than anyone else and it shows.

"So you mean to tell me that I should take whatever beatings and insults that woman throws at me?" Wura asks in a cold tone.

"Wura she is your mother...."

The last born immediately hangs up on her sister and lies down on her bed. For the past couple years, she had been questioning her role in the family. As far as she is concerned, they are all chess pieces in whatever evil game their mother intends to play.

I can't believe people find that woman's behavior to be cute. That is not cute. That is pure borderline abuse. How come no one has seen through her bullshit yet?

That was about five years ago.

Five years later, the entire family had gathered at the main Davis family home to have a family dinner to celebrate the 18th anniversary of Chief Davis' passing. As per tradition, the family and their friends and various well known celebrities that they happen to know would show up at the Church for a special Thanksgiving service. The family then heads to the family home to eat together and send some time before heading off to their various homes.

"Wait, where is Wura?" The kids' aunt, Aunty Yewande asked. The rest of the family exchanged looks.

Temitope snorts. "Hmmph that girl. She is probably watching that her favorite Korean show." he says with a mocking tone and shrugs. If there was one thing the family often mocks Wura for, it is her obsession with Korean dramas and Kpop which they often found childish.

"Or she could be sleeping. At times, Wura gets tired after church services and just doses off. She did not head downstairs for lunch." Says Violeta their mother.

"I will go fetch her." Says Bisola as she raises up from her seat. She takes slow yet tentative steps as she walks up the steep stairs.

"Wura come downstairs!! Dinner is ready!!" she calls out to her sister.

No response.

No do not panic. The girl is fine. She is fine. Nothing bad had happened to her. She is perfectly fine. Bisola kept on reassuring herself as she keeps on walking until she arrives at her youngest sister's room.

Of all the Davis children, Wura has the largest room with cute pink colored walls and white furniture at the girl's request. At the corner of the room lay a collection of CDS and books messily stacked up on the shelves above Wura's study desk. It seemed that the girl hadn't cleaned up at all. Bisola sighs. Their mother is strict on cleanliness and Wura always bore the brunt of abuse for being disorganized and having poor hygiene. This naturally affected Wura at school because how can someone so disorganized and scatterbrained like her even do well at all?

Bisola pauses as she hears notices a sea of water coming out of underneath the door of Wura's bathroom.

"Jesus wept." Could Wura have left the tap open to overflow like that?

Is she in there?

She slowly walks over towards the door and opens it. The sight that greets her forces her to scream her lungs out. Right inside the bathtub was none other than a naked Wura who seemed to be completely knocked out. There were heavy cuts and bruises all over her body and beside her were tubes of prescription pills. The rest of the family get alerted by the scream and rush upstairs to see what the fuss was about.

"Bisola wh-" Temitope freezes once he sees it. His wife Amelia gasps. When Violeta joins them, she immediately passes out with Yetunde holding on to her. "Mama Tope!! Please wake up!!"

Tope immediately springs into action and gets into the bathtub and picks up his little sister's unconscious body whilst Bisola's husband Timothy pulls out his mobile phone and immediately calls the nearest hospital.

"Hello!! Y-Yes!! We have an emergency here!! Our youngest family member drowned in the bathtub!! Please send paramedics down here!!"

Meanwhile, Tope performs emergency CPR on his sister, hoping and praying that the girl wakes up. Unfortunately for him, it seemed all his efforts were in vain. He then checks her pulse and his heart sinks.

"S-She is gone guys."

"No.." Bisola muttered in total disbelief. Tope simply sighs, trying not to appear emotional as he stares down at her body, his hands shaking in rage.

"Breaking news!! The youngest daughter of the Davis family, Wuraola was found dead in the bathtub of her bedroom at around 7.30pm today. Official cause of death is still unknown." says a news reporter who had just arrived at the scene.

Paremedics soon arrive and place Wura's body onto a stretcher and head outside. "NO!! Give me back my baby!!" Violeta screams as she chases after the paramedics. "Mummy calm down." Says Bisola.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALM DOWN?!! MY DAUGHTER IS GONE!! MY BELOVED WURA IS GONE!!"

The woman slumps onto the floor and begins to weep bitterly. Tope has tears in his eyes as his brother-in law comforts him. Amelia on the other hand, just stares up at the ceiling above them, not a single tear in sight. Thank goodness the only grandson of the family was with her parents. Lord knows how they would explain about what had just happened to his favorite aunt.

The Chief Inspector of Police arrives flanked by a group of police officers.

"Ah, good evening Mr Kasali." Says Bisola.

He simply replies her with a curt nod. "Please lead us to the crime scene."

Tope wipes his tears and takes it upon himself to lead them up to the room. "This was where we found her." he says, pointing at the bathtub which was still filled with water. There were still some blood stains on the tub.

The Inspector nods to one of his men who pulls out his phone and takes a photograph of the crime scene. Another set of police officers begin to investigate the area.

"Did anyone else come into the room with her?"

"No sir. It was just her. We hadn't seen her since afternoon. I remember her saying something about wanting to take a nap because she was tired and did not even join us for lunch."

He was not saying the complete truth, that he already knows. Nevertheless, Kasali chose not to press him even further.

"Did she have a fight with anyone?"

Tope begins to think. "She did have an argument with mummy but that was over where she wanted to go for her Masters."

Pure utter lies. It hurts that he has to cover up their family's tracks here.

Kasali nods as he notes all this down. "Alright. We shall leave no stone unturned in this case. You have my word on that."

"Inspector!!"

He turns around and walks over to a police officer who holds up a blood-stained razor blade and knife.

Tope's eyes widened in shock. "Holy shit!!"

His mind then flashes back to one particular day where he had just returned home after his graduation. He remembers seeing Wura holding a knife and him immediately confiscating it from her.

Wura please don't tell me you still harmed yourself.

"Very well. Pack that up. We will have to talk to others that know her in order to understand what led her death." With that, he and the other police officers leave.

Once everyone else was gone, Tope immediately walks over to his mother and grabs her by the hand.

"What the hell did you tell Wura that led to her death mother?! Tell me huh!! What did you do to her?!!"

"Ah hah!! Tope leave our mother!! Can't you see she is still upset?!"

"Shut up Bisola!! You do not help matters at all with your nonchalant attitude!!"

Bisola immediately keeps silent. He then stares at their mother who was cowering in fear. "I will not repeat myself again mum. What did you tell Wura?"

The woman gulps, fear gripping her as she meets her son's angered glance.

"W-Well.....you know that Wura is a messy person who is also a scatterbrain. She always forgets things. Today she forgot to give a special package I had wrapped for Mama Kanyin."

The boy's death glare intensifies. "So because of a stupid package, you sent her to her death."

The woman looks away.

"See? That proves my point. You and Bisola should be proud of yourselves because you have murdered my little sister!!" With that, he walks away, leaving a stunned mother and sister behind.

The boy stomps all the way down and sighs to himself as he walks towards his car and slams the door shut. Amelia had already left the vicinity to go pick up things from the supermarket. He could have done better and saved Wura from that place. From all those horrible people. But he himself was way too consumed with his own darkness, his own madness to even save his little sister.

He would not necessarily call himself the closet sibling to Wura but he still tried his best to be a big brother.

He just sits down in the driver's seat, his mind a total mess as different conflicting voices start to fight for control over him. Almost as though he were possessed. Maybe he was.

He then hears his phone buzzing which distracts him for a brief second. Reaching for his iPhone, he sees a notification about a message from an unknown number. Suspecting that it could be one of his crazy girlfriends, he checks the phone and is met by the following message:

Shine your eyes Mister man,

Your problems are not yet over,

No matter how saintly you try to be now,

Your sins are about to come crashing down on you.

Tope simply laughs it off. "Sins. What sins?" Truth be told, he is aware of what this mysterious person was talking about. However, he thinks little of such.

"Must be one of Danielle's tricks to try and get into my pants again. Stupid bitch does not know when to quit." He mutters as he starts the engine and begins to drive off to his home.

Bisola sighs as she sits down in her old bedroom. Unlike Wura's, hers was a lot more subtle with plain neutral colors. Her mother was fast asleep haven given her some medication to calm her nerves down and try to force her to sleep. So far her plan worked.

Her husband has gone off to go check on their son whilst she stays with her mother to keep watch over her. Before she could do anything else, her phone vibrates next to her on the bedside table. Fearing for the worst, she picks up the phone and checks her messages and gasps upon reading a rather vague yet scathing text.

You try to see the good in others,

Yet you refuse to acknowledge your inner darkness,

Your careless tongue and bitchy attitude caused the death of someone,

Someone that ought to be close to you,

Your other brother has problems no doubt,

But at least deep down he has a heart unlike you and that wretched witch

You call a mother,

"Who sent this?" Bisola asks. No. Wura is dead. There is no way she could have sent this even though the tone used her sounds exactly like her. Must be some friend of hers.

"Friend? Wura and friends? Pfft. Yeah right." As far as she and the rest of the family knew, Wura had little to no friends. Or so she thinks.

Meanwhile, Tope arrives at his house on Banana Island. Compared to Alakada, Banana is more of a surburban area filled to the brim with extremely wealthy individuals, mostly politicians and famous musical and movie superstars and a couple wealthy billionaires.

He packs the car and walks off to his penthouse suite that he recently bought with the new paycheck given to him by his boss Dr Roberts. Perks of being a in-demand doctor.

Once he reaches his suite, he heads straight to the living room and throws his blazer onto the couch and takes a seat on one of the chairs.

"You are back."

He looks up to see his beautiful wife who was wearing a purple silk dressing gown over her night gown. He nods. "This day has been a horrible day for me." He mutters. His wife takes a seat beside him.

"Poor Wura."

He simply nods and remains silent. Lord knows how they would fix this mess.

[sebaekficrec]

Bury My Heart in Venice

Author: London9Calling

Genre: Angst

Side Pairing: KaiBaek

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Character death, suicide 

Length: Oneshot

Baekhyun used to inspire, now he tries to forget.

(Read)

[giotanner]

Non me l'aspettavo davvero 😢💔

Il silenzio che sento di noi - MetaMoro

Ermal corre veloce, più forte del vento che gli sferza il viso, più forte della pioggia che fitta come aghi cade su di lui.

Non la sente, in ogni caso. Non la sente minimamente.

Normalmente sentirebbe la gola bruciargli e il cuore battergli impazzito nel petto per l'immenso sforzo con cui sta correndo, ma non in questo caso.

Ormai non sente più niente.

In men che non si dica si ritrova davanti a quella villetta sperduta nella campagna, che in quella notte fredda e nebbiosa risalta solo grazie alla luce del salotto accesa.

Entra e lo scenario che gli si presenta davanti gli spezza il cuore, lo riduce completamente a brandelli.

«Fabrizio…» sussurra con voce incrinata, avvicinandosi al più grande «Amore, ti prego, fermati.»

Il romano tiene un coltello affilato nella mano destra, la lama appoggiata sul polso sinistro. Sul metallo scintillante rimbalzano le sue lacrime per poi scivolare sulla sua stessa pelle.

«Fabrizio, ti scongiuro.»

Ermal non può fare a meno di piangere insieme a lui. Copiose gocce salate cadono dai suoi occhi, ma lui non si accorge nemmeno di questo, i suoi occhi sono concentrati solo ed unicamente sulle azioni di Fabrizio e sui suoi pensieri: riesce a sentirli, li percepisce con la stessa potenza di un temporale.

«Non ce la faccio senza di te» afferma il romano a denti stretti, gli occhi strizzati per il dolore e la mano che regge il coltello sempre più tremante. Non ha ancora agito, ma non pensa nemmeno di fermarsi.

«Amore, io sono qui» sussurra Ermal fra un singhiozzo e l'altro prendendogli il viso fra le mani «Sono qui, ma tu per favore ascoltami. Fermati Brí, fermati. Sono sempre qui con te e ti amo in maniera smisurata… e non smetterò mai, te lo giuro, il mio amore per te non avrà mai limiti.»

Le lacrime di Fabrizio aumentano e lui trova finalmente il coraggio di autoinfliggersi il primo colpo: la lama ferisce la sua pelle con un taglio netto, recide qualche vena, non è più argentea e scintillante ma rossa come la morte.

«Lo sto facendo solo per te» afferma Fabrizio dopo aver urlato per il dolore, proseguendo poi con un ulteriore taglio. Il dolore che sente non è niente rispetto a quello che ha provato ultimamente.

Ermal si inginocchia davanti a lui, seduto sul divano, e appoggia la testa sul suo ginocchio, singhiozzando senza sosta.

«Questo non ti farà bene, Brí. Non devi pensare a me. Sono qui e ti amerò per sempre.»

Un nuovo taglio, una nuova freccia avvelenata scoccata nel cuore di Ermal. Cerca di togliergli quel maledetto arnese dalle mani, ma ogni suo tentativo è vano: non può farlo.

«Fabrizio, cazzo, fermati!» urla a squarciagola, alzando la testa e guardandolo attraverso i suoi occhi rossi e ricolmi di lacrime. Porta le mani sul suo petto e lo spinge forte, cercando di smuoverlo da lì, di farsi sentire, ma niente di niente.

Fabrizio ormai è partito imperterrito, il suo braccio è sempre più rosso, sempre più ferito, sempre meno stabile, la mano che regge il coltello agisce sempre più veloce e in maniera sempre più marcata.

Ermal si alza in piedi per poi sedersi sul divano, accanto a lui. Si butta fra le sue braccia e lo stringe forte a sé, sperando almeno così di fargli capire che lui non se n'è mai andato.

«Mi dispiace Brí, mi dispiace. Mi dispiace amore mio, mi dispiace davvero.»

Fabrizio sembra essersi fermato, così il riccio alza lo sguardo: che l'abbia davvero sentito?

No, non l'ha sentito, tutt'altro: i sensi stanno iniziando a venirgli meno, la luce sta lentamente ma inesorabilmente abbandonando i suoi occhi. Fabrizio si lascia andare contro lo schienale del divano ed Ermal con lui, non ha intenzione di separarsi nemmeno per un istante dal suo corpo.

«Fabrizio, basta. Stai per arrivare ad un punto di non ritorno e- Dio, fermati, smettila subito.»

«Sto arrivando.»

Queste le ultime parole che il romano sussurra a denti stretti, la vita che lentamente scivola via, il cuore proiettato verso un mondo che non è sicuro esista, ma dove spero con tutto se stesso di ritrovare l'amore della sua vita, quell'amore che due mesi prima ha visto morire fra le sue braccia a seguito di un incidente stradale.

Spera davvero con tutto se stesso che Ermal, da qualche parte, lo stia aspettando, perché altrimenti nulla avrebbe senso.

Ermal si stringe ulteriormente all'uomo della sua vita e appoggia la testa sul suo petto, ascoltando quel suo cuore che non sta più a tempo, che rallenta lentamente, lentamente, lentamente…

Che si ferma.

Il riccio a quel punto ricomincia a piangere senza sosta: non è giusto, niente di tutto quello è giusto. Lui non doveva morire e tantomeno Fabrizio doveva seguirlo. Inizia ad urlare il suo nome a squarciagola come se servisse a riportarlo fra i vivi, come se la sua disperazione potesse restituirgli quella vita che in un soffio è volata via.

Urla ed urla ancora, urla finché ha voce, urla ma lo fa man mano più piano: ora a voce alta, ora a voce bassa, ora in un sussurro, ora in un mormorio che a malapena riesce a concepire le tre lettere “Brí”.

Dopo quest'ultima flebile esalazione due braccia calde e a lui fin troppo note gli circondano la vita da dietro, una guancia leggermente barbuta si appoggia sulla sua spalla, due labbra dolci e soffici gli baciano delicatamente i ricci scomposti.

«Sono qui amore, sono qui con te.»

[favoriteexofics]

Try To Remember (And If You Remember Then Follow)

Title: Try To Remember (And If You Remember Then Follow) by sparklepox

Pairing: Xiumin/Luhan

Genre: Romance, Soulmates!AU, Angst

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Hallucinations, Terminal Illness, Apocalyptic Plague, Homophobia, Genderswitch, Prostitution, Underage Sex

Length: Chaptered (~60,000 words)

Summary: "It's only fair that I should chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes until I find the one where you'll return to me."

Thoughts: really enchantingly beautiful! also (imho) the most iconic soulmate au fic out there

[rei382]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death (not Ed or Roy) Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang Characters: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang Additional Tags: Suicide Attempt, Angst Summary:

Ed was just a little too late in figuring out a way to get Alphonse back to his human body.

To my RoyEd gift exchange receiver, @sweetnessnarose !

I recalled you mainly said you loved angst, so... angst it is! I hope I didn’t go a little overboard with this (I was going for something a little less angsty but then Jonghyun died so I mean....) , and hope you will enjoy your gift regardless.

Either way, I hope you had a beautiful, super happy and full of love and gifts Christmas, and wish you a super happy new year!

A year has passes. A whole year since that happened. A year since Ed disappointed himself, and not just himself, and not only himself, in the worst way possible. A year since Ed no longer felt like a human being. A year since he lost the person who mattered to him the most.

An entire year, during which he was the only Elric left walking in the world.

People tried to cheer him up. To tell him that this wasn’t his fault, that he did everything he could, that there was simply not enough information, not enough time. But it was all lies.

He couldn’t bear this bullshit. It was entirely his fault. It was his idea, therefore he was responsible for the fact that his brother was in this situation. It was his fault for not noticing what was happening, when the armor started rejecting his brother’s soul. It was his fault for not taking seriously enough during the last few months, for not focusing enough on solving it and letting other things, much less important, occupy his mind.

And he could never forgive himself for that.

He stared down at the grave, the light gray stone stained dark by his tears, but the engraving on the hard surface was still painfully visible. Ed could barely see what was written there through the blurry veil on his eyes, but he didn’t have to, knowing all too well what it said.

Alphonse Elric

April 1900- January 1916

A brother

And a friend

It stung, but Ed was already used to pain. This would be the last time, anyway.

It wasn’t like he had any reason to stay.

*

Roy moved uncomfortably in his chair. Usually, Roy wouldn’t be so worried. Ed always had his temper - ever since he showed up in the Headquarters for the very first time - and he got even more familiar with it when they started dating. It wasn't unusual for him to storm out for the tiniest things, and it even worsened during the last year, ever since that happened.

He let out a sigh, bringing his eyebrows together in a frown. His hold on his cup of coffee tightened, so hard now that it could get broken but he didn't care. A year ago Alphonse's armor went through the last stage of rejecting his soul, and he perished. It was a harsh blow to everyone. He could probably speak for the entire office, and anyone who ever worked with the Elric Brothers - they both had a special place in everyone's heart. Losing Alphonse left a hollow space, and naturally Ed took it the hardest.

It didn't matter how many times Roy tried telling him that it wasn't his fault – his words fell on deaf ears. He would listen to none of it, and it always ended with a fight. Almost anything ended with a fight. There were times that he wanted to ends this, they even talked about it. But Roy knew this was only a phase. He knew that this was the time Ed needed him the most, and even though he was constantly hurting him, Roy still loved him. He wouldn't leave him, especially not at a time like this, for nothing in the world.

He glanced around, feeling the emptiness of the house, and found that despite his worry and the constant heaviness in his chest he was somewhat relived, in a very wrong way, that it was so quiet. After a whole year, it was getting harder and harder to tell that to himself. It was starting to bring him down too: living with constant lack of sleep, being mostly yelled at, dealing with Edward's moods and his refusal to accept the situation, his refusal to at least try to move on. He never considered himself an insecure man, but it was hard to only hear his lover call him stupid, a bastard, an asshole, an inconsiderate dick without the mischief spark that always shone in Ed's eyes before.

He took him into his house after Alphonse's burial, knowing that letting Ed live alone in the apartment he used to share with Alphonse would be a bad idea. But living with someone who was either violent or completely cold and indifferent for almost a year was giving its signs. Even though he didn't expect Ed to go back to the bold young man he was, he did expect him to slowly start moving on; but instead it seemed that he was only losing him further and further into depression.

He tried getting him to go to a therapist, but it was completely futile. He gave up on that after a few months, deciding that since this wasn't helping maybe what Ed needed was to be left alone for a little while, and only shower him with love and care, but that wasn't working, either, and Roy was starting to get tired.

Not tired of Ed or of helping him, but really, physically and emotionally tired. He didn't know how much longer he could live like this, and still he was giving it his all… yet, he was feeling that his strength was starting to betray him. There wasn’t much left for him to give.

He tapped on the table with his cup. He was starting to get worried. It had been hours since Ed left the house, and he rarely disappeared for that long. A quick glance at the window told him that it was starting to get dark. The last of the sun rays were coloring the skies in shades of orange and pink, bleeding through the last vestiges of blue. Perhaps he should go look for him? The way he was now, he probably ate nothing since Roy last fed him - which was at breakfast. He had to be starving by now.

Roy let out another sigh and got up from his seat. He was pretty sure he knew where he'd find him. It was always the same. He had nowhere else to go. Grabbing his keys, he left the house and headed for the car. He drove fast, his tension preventing him from letting go of the gas pedal. Ed wasn’t an idiot, even though he sometimes acted like one; and yet, Roy couldn’t let go of the feeling that his lover did something very, very stupid. Otherwise by now he’d be home, and not wandering around somewhere.

He only slowed down when he reached the narrow, earthy path that led to his destination. He was still driving too fast for the terrain; he could feel it in the way the car was shaking under him, almost painfully so, but he really couldn’t care less. His mind was elsewhere, racing, trying to figure out what he’d do if he got it wrong, if Ed wasn’t there. He couldn’t just go back and wait quietly at home, not when he knows at what state he left the house. He’d just have to go look for him, he must be somewhere in Central.

Noticing the metal gate, Roy let go of the gas pedal and hit the brakes. The car stopped, and Roy turned it off, taking the seat belt off and leaving it. He could notice that the gate wasn’t closed, which meant that he was probably right. He was worried for nothing. He closed the door behind him and headed inside.

Cemeteries always made him feel uncomfortable. It was too quiet there, and even though it was an open space it always made him feel choked. But all of that didn’t matter now. He needed to make Ed leave that place. He couldn’t just spend the entire day there, and he wished he could make him understand that. Understand that Alphonse’s death was not his fault, and that even though his brother died, he should live on. That it does good to no one that he refuses to live his life, that it means his brother died for nothing.

He already knew the way to the right place by heart, and he walked over there confidently, already imagining the argument with Edward in his head. He’ll try to convince him to let go, to come back with him and have something to eat, and Ed will say that there was no point; that he couldn’t eat when his brother had lost any hope of ever enjoying the taste of food. He’ll argue about being selfish, about not deserving to live; but Roy will push, and Ed will stop seeing the point in arguing and will just come with him. At home he’ll almost force feed him, shower him, get him to sleep… and maybe tomorrow won’t be as bad as today. Tomorrow he’ll do these things on his own, and maybe he won’t storm out again this week. Four days weren’t that long to ask for, right?

By the time he reached the right section of the graveyard it was nearly dark. The skies were mostly dark blue, but in the west a few small, weak rays of light could still be seen, supplying just enough light for him to see where he was going. Enough to see the rather small figure hanging on the grey tombstone, the blond hair stained by orange lines and covering Ed’s face and shoulders. Roy looked at him for a second, relieved to see that he really was there. Now he’d just have to drag him out.

It was only when he took another step forward, or maybe it was the earth turning a little bit more and changing the angle of the light that he noticed the spark of metal on the ground. He narrowed his eyes for a short second, somewhat surprised. There shouldn’t be any metal there. But now that he was thinking about it, Ed’s pose was somewhat off; it looked more like he fell on the stone rather than leaned on it. As if he couldn’t hold himself up. Another somewhat hesitant step forward, and Roy could notice the little pool that gathered at the grave’s bottom. No one could cry that much, and it didn’t take any other clues for Roy to realize what he was actually seeing.

His heart stopped for a moment, a swear choking at his throat. No. There was no way. Ed was grieving…. But he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t alone, despite it all. Roy was always there for him… was he? He thought he was but maybe he was doing the wrong things all along and…

It took him only a second to gather himself and do what he had to do. “No…” he muttered, continuously doing so as he sprinted towards him. It took him seconds to close the distance and once he was there he fell on his knees next to Ed’s still body. His eyes stung and his sight was blurry with tears, but he couldn’t care less. He reached with one hand to hold Ed’s body, holding him up and close, and the other to hold his loose hand. It was limp in his hold, like a doll’s arm. He could feel the coarse texture of dried blood, but it was still a little warm and he was pretty sure he still felt some wetness, too. That was a good sign.

“You idiot…” he muttered, letting go of his hand and ignoring the way it just fell back to the ground. He brought his hand to Ed’s neck, his thumb pressing in search for a pulse. For a short moment he was terrified; Ed wasn’t moving, and he couldn’t find the vein that was supposed to beat. He could see nothing by now, his tears blocking his eyesight, but it didn’t matter. If he couldn’t find a pulse then nothing mattered, he was too naïve, he was too late.

Roy almost gave up when suddenly he could feel movement under his thumb. It was weak, but it was a pulse. He still had time; he couldn’t waste it on crying. He picked Ed’s limp body up, and stood up. His clothes will probably get messed with blood, but he wasn’t even thinking about that. Ed was heavy; the weight of his metallic arm and leg has always been a burden, but it seemed that today it didn’t matter. Roy adjusted his hold, looking down at the young man in his arms. His eyes were close, and the dried tears were visible on his face.

“Just hang in there,” Roy found himself saying. It didn’t matter that Ed probably couldn’t hear him; he needed to say that, and he hoped that Ed would listen. He didn’t waste another second and he started advancing back towards the gate, going as fast as he could without risking falling – or worse, dropping Ed. He still could barely see where he was going, and it was getting darker by the second, but by some miracle he didn’t slip on anything and they both made it to the car.

He lowered Ed to the ground, supporting him with one hand as he was searching with the others for the keys and opening the door. Once the door was open he tucked Ed in the seat, putting the seatbelt around his body before closing the door and rushing to the other side of the car.

Once they were both in, Roy started the car and started driving from there. He hit the gas pedal, this time ignoring completely the condition of the road. His car could get ruined for all he cared. He could get a new one. He couldn’t get a new Ed.

He kept glancing at the unconscious man in the seat, pleading him to hang on, to stay there, to not leave him alone. He was holding his hand with his, driving only with one hand. It was risky, but he had to hold on him, to keep feeling his pulse, as weak as it was.

Because one he’d stop feeling it, it would all be lost.

*

Little by little, the heavy veil of darkness was lifted off of him. The world was pulling him back, and along with his consciousness the pain and sorrow were coming back. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want any of it. All he wished was for the numbness to come back, so he could feel nothing; but it seemed that someone had different ideas for him.

He could feel it, the drug that was running through his veins, keeping him from falling back into the blessed sleep. Induced wakeness he wished would go away. Little by little he became aware of where he was. The hard, uncomfortable bed under him that felt oddly familiar, the too bright light that penetrated his closed eyelids, the sickening scent that filled his nostrils. He knew exactly where he was.

A goddamned hospital.

He planned on going back to sleep, or, at least, pretend to do so; anything but being forced to acknowledge the world. But he somehow ended up making a movement, that caused something to hurt, and he couldn’t help a choked groan from escaping his throat.

Immediately he became aware of something more. Someone was holding his hand. When he made that noise, he could feel the twitch of warm fingers against his skin. He had a fairly good idea who it was, and he knew that the same person brought him here, depriving him of his blissful forgetfulness. He knew he probably did it because he cared, but he still held grudge against him for doing that.

“Ed…” he heard the soft, hoarse voice he knew all too well almost whispering his name. It was apparent that Roy had cried. He probably didn’t sleep in God knows how long. Ed had no idea how long he was unconscious. He couldn’t control his features as he felt the older man’s hand tightening a little against his, very present yet gentle, as if he was afraid it would hurt. “Ed… wake up…”

Edward could hear the painful plead in Roy’s voice, and no matter how mad he was at him, how mad he was at himself, he couldn’t bring himself to keep ignoring him. Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking at the fluorescent light that hit him. “Why?” he asked, not surprised at all that his voice could barely be heard, small and silent and choked.

He felt the hold on his hand tightening a little bit for a short second before loosening again. “Why what?” Roy asked him, his voice a mixture of emotions; Ed could hear utmost relief, but also hurt and confusion. Ed swallowed, closing his eyes again.

“Why did you bring me here?” he asked again. He knew it would hurt Roy, but he was not in a state to care. He’d made his choice, he had his reasons, it was his body, his life, his decision. “You had no right –“

“To save you?” it wasn’t the pain that made that simple question hurt so much, but the anger that hid in the words. Ed couldn’t help but open his eyes again, turning his head to look at his lover. Roy was looking straight at him. His face was pale, and dark circles surrounded his eyes. He really didn’t sleep for days. For the first time since he woke up, Ed felt guilt. Roy didn’t deserve what he was doing to him. “Did you expect me to just leave you there? To let you bleed to death?”

Ed swallowed again, and looked away. “Yes. It’s my life.”

“It is. But I know… I know it’s hard. I know it’s been hard for a year now, but I never knew you as the kind who’d just give up.”

“I’ve always been, I just always had Al –“ he chocked, but he forced himself to keep talking. “-there with me, to force me forward. Now… now he’s gone. Because of me. And nothing can bring him back. So what’s the point in me staying?”

“Because I need you here.”

Ed turned his head again. Roy still didn’t lower his eyes, but he could see the redness around his eyes that signed he’d soon lose the battle against his tears. If he was even bothering to fight it now. It hurt to see Roy like that; hurt to know he was the cause of it. When he went to Al’s grave and knew what he was about to do, he believed that Roy would get over him. It would hurt, he knew that, he wasn’t an idiot – but he was nothing in Roy’s life. Roy could find himself new lovers, new life, and he’d move on and eventually, even if he won’t forget him, he’d forgive him. He’d understand.

But right now, Roy’s face showed none of it.

He felt the hold on his hand tighten again. “I mean it. I need you here with me. And I need you to know that I’m here for everything you need, and if you need to yell so yell at someone, yell at me, and if you need to hit something, then hit me, I don’t care if you throw things at me or threaten at me or beat me… but don’t leave me. Please. Not like that.”

For the first time since he woke up, Ed saw Roy lowering his face. He could see the tear that fell from his eye, even though his dark hair – that was always so perfectly arranged, but now was greasy and messy – covered his face. Ed felt the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes too, and suddenly he realized what a fool he’d been.

He wasn’t doing Roy a favor by leaving him like this. He was doing to him what he’d done to himself, making him go through what he’d gone through when the armor rejected Alphonse’s soul without letting it come back. He was just making it worse.

He moved his hand, lightly closing his fingers on Roy’s hand. It hurt to move his hand, the bandages that covered it too tight to enable him to move his wrist freely, but it didn’t matter.

He was being selfish. Selfish and horrible, and Roy didn’t deserve it.

He still didn’t want to live, but he wasn’t going to make Roy go through what he did. He tightened his hold a little bit more on Roy’s hand, now holding on it. For now, he was going to keep enduring it, no matter how hard it was going to be. For Roy’s sake.

At least until he was sure he could let go.

*

It was a nice, warm autumn afternoon. Cool breeze was blowing through his hair, that even though wasn’t as long as it was when he was a teenager anymore was still rather long for a man. It blew into his eyes, making them go a little bit dry, but he didn’t care. In one hand he was holding a flower bouquet, that when he purchased it made him think about how Alphonse would’ve laughed at him if he saw him now. Ed never bought flowers; not even for Winry’s birthdays, and on the single time that Roy tried to give him flowers he threw a fit at it, blaming him that he was treating him like a girl. Ed remember Alphonse’s laugh that day, and the way he tried to convince him to forgive Roy and just go on a date with him, like he promised, and Ed agreed.

He squeezed the hand he was holding in his other hand as he thought of that. It was thanks to Al that they were together, and it was thanks to Roy that Ed was still there. He made him fight for living when he was ready to give up – no, when he already gave up. It took long time, but he eventually realized that it wasn’t his fault. That it was simply impossible to prevent everything that’d happened from happening. They were young and stupid when they tried to bring their mother back, but no one could blame them. There was no one to truly tell them that it was impossible, to tell them what the consequences were, and they couldn’t know what would happen. And after that, it wasn’t Ed’s fault for not being able to get Alphonse’s body back. It was simply impossible, and he tried so hard even when knowing the odds were against him.

It was Roy who made Ed realize that, and it was Roy who made him understand that Alphonse would’ve never forgiven him had he succeeded that day four years ago. At first he lived for Roy, so he won’t have to suffer, then he learned to live for his brother, so his death wouldn’t be for nothing. It took him long time to start living for himself, but he eventually realized that that was the only right thing to do.

Something pulled on his shirt, tearing Ed from his thoughts. He glanced down, and smiled at the big, golden eyes that looked at him.

“Papa, uncle Al’s waiting, why won’t you give him his flowers?” the two year old child asked, his childish, almost impossible to understand tone somewhat blaming. He was Ed’s child, that Roy convinced him he should have despite being together with him. The Elric family line should continue, he said, even if it meant slight discomfort by being forced to be with other people. Fortunately enough, Winry was there to agree with him, claiming that it really was true and that she didn’t mind at all to be of help. It was very strange, but Ed couldn’t be happier that it happened that way.

He could feel Roy’s hand tightening around his. “You’re completely right, Philip,” he replied. “Would you like to give him his flowers? I’m sure he’d love it.”

Philip smiled broadly. His blond hair moved as he was fiercely nodding, and he rose on his toes as he was reaching up to Ed’s hand. Ed handed him the bouquet, watching him toddling to the tombstone and placing the flowers there. He was telling Alphonse’s grave that everyone loved him very much, and that even though he’d never met him one day they’ll meet in heaven and he was sure that they’ll have the best time there.

Roy moved his hand, placing it under Ed’s chin to make him look at him. Ed didn’t want so much to tear his gaze from his kid, but followed anyway. “I told you he’d be alright,” he said, smiling softly at him.

“Yeah, I know you did,” Ed replied, and gave another squeeze at Roy’s hand before he looked at Phillip again. Now he was telling Al about his birthday cake that Papa Roy baked for him a month ago, and that he wished he could taste it too because even though he had no idea what kinds of cakes Uncle Al liked, nobody can say no to chocolate cakes. “You were right.” He moved, leaning a little bit on Roy’s body, placing his head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

He could feel Roy moving, and placing a kiss on the top of his head. “I love you too. I’m happy that you’re here, and fine. I’m sure that Alphonse’s happy about it, too.”

“Yeah,” Ed agreed, still smiling as he looked at his child still talking to the tombstone. “Who would’ve thought that I’d be the one getting kids, or standing here with you, out of all people.”

Roy chuckled, the air from his mouth tickling Ed’s forehead. “Yes, who would’ve thought?” he repeated Ed’s question, and put his arm around him, pulling him a little closer.