#ward voice; move i'm gay

[iguessigotta]

This one's for the gays and the goths [but mainly the two who replied to my earlier post ily]

Enki Ankarian x male reader, just some fluff and....idk building a bit of a background for Enki and reader? Tbh I just opened tumblr and started writing lmao

Thinking about Enki

While exploring the dungeons together, Enki, for reasons known only to him, found himself caring for you

'Not love' he'd tell himself

'I'm not capable of love' he'd repeat to himself, a mantra to drown out that part of him that worried about you

The part of him that lost precious moments of sleep, not wanting to drop his guard and leave you defenseless. Vulnerable. Alone.

He'd scoff at the passing thought that he'd be lonely without you.

Him. Enki Ankarian. Lonely

Embarrassing at best

A potential weakness, leading him into another horrific death at worst. A weakness that, he'd tell himself, he should have thrown out the day he met you

When you'd come running into the room, scrambling around bookshelves, papers scattering on the floor in your wake - obviously something was on your tail. He'd sat there a moment, frustration growing, before sighing and closing his book. He crossed the room in a few graceful strides, stopping at the doorway, preparing a fresh ward. Just in case.

After one lazy scan of the room, Enki had decided to ignore you, plopping himself back down in a chair and opening three books simultaneously

When you'd finally crept back out of the small maze of bookshelves at the back of the room, you'd done something that surprised him

You'd quietly looked around the room, grabbing a book and deciding on a chair about as far away from both himself and the door as you could. You didn't stare or - thank the gods - try to talk to him. Aside from a couple subtle glances at him as you sat down, you didn't acknowledge him (finally, some fuckin manners! lmao)

That must have been it, he'd think to himself. Those first quiet days spent reading and sketching in journals, never exchanging more than a subtle polite nod

He'd gotten used to you simply existing around him

So when you suddenly spoke to him as he was about to move on deeper in the dungeons in search of more knowledge - voice quiet and rough from disuse, asking begging to go with him - "I'm terrified. I won't make it more than a day or two on my own....." - he already knew his answer

Even before you pierced something in his chest with your half-whsipered "please"

Pausing in the doorway, Enki had rolled his eyes and heaved out a sigh, looking as though he were contemplating killing you then and there

"Hurry up and get your things, then"

You'd immediately leapt to your feet, gathering your meager belongings and joining him by the door

He tried for days to get the image of your smile - bright, genuine - out of his head

[broadwaydivastournament]

Movie Musical Divas Tournament: Round 1

Hermione Gingold (1897-1987): Gigi (1958) - Madame Alvarez | The Music Man (1962) - Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn | A Little Night Music (1977) - Mme. Armfeldt

"Absolute iconic queen witha gravelly voice that drags across your heart and embeds itself deep within you. I wouldn't have forgotten a date with her, no shade to Maurice Chevallier. Was a riot and wrote the most outrageous memoir I've ever read. Would love to go drinking with her" - anonymous

Claire Luce (1903-1989): Let's Make a Night of It (1937) - Viola Vanders | Over She Goes (1937) - Pamela Ward

"claire luce only appeared in a small number of movies, but in an indirect way she had an important influence on the history of the movie musical as fred astaire, who she worked with on the stage, credits her with helping him figure out how to evolve his dancing after his sister and longtime dance partner adele left the business. claire and fred starred together in the original broadway production of the gay divorce in 1932, fred's first attempt to make a success as fred astaire and not just as half of fred-and-adele. claire encouraged him to take a more romantic approach to his dancing, saying "Come on, Fred, I'm not your sister, you know." fred wrote in his autobiography, "Claire was a beautiful dancer and it was her style that suggested to me the whole pattern of the 'Night and Day' dance. This was something entirely different from anything Adele and I had done together. That was what I wanted, an entirely new dancing approach." the success of the gay divorce was credited to the impact of the night and day number, and the movie version, retitled the gay divorcee, helped to usher in a whole era in film musicals. fred lobbied for claire to be his co-star in the movie, but was overruled by the studio. claire also sadly suffered an injury in the london run of the show that curtailed her dancing career. however she is very charming in the few movies she's in, still moves beautifully, and has a distinctive voice that kind of reminds me of glynis johns. also a fun fact about her is she ran away from home to become a dancer with a russian opera troupe when she was 15." - anonymous

This is Round 1 of the Movie Musical Divas tournament. Additional polls in this round may be found by searching #mmround1, or by clicking the link below. Add your propaganda and support by reblogging this post.

ADDITIONAL PROPAGANDA AND MEDIA UNDER CUT: ALL POLLS HERE

Hermione Gingold:

Photos and video submitted by: anonymous

Claire Luce:

Photos and video submitted by: anonymous

[2n2n]

Riffing off of my last post... I want to think about something! Or, introduce a thought....

first off, a magical spell to ward off evil. In your mind spins the image of the Yugi twins kissing peacefully, happy in their futon together... ahhhh! Okay... we resume now.

Perhaps this is obvious to some, but it might not be to others, so why not voice it.

I think valuing the gender of characters is your preference individually, there are preferences I have, too! Tastes, aesthetically, and such. But, to some extent, I think being rigorous and strict about avoiding say, 'male/female' relationships, or hating 'male characters', in the pursuit of loving queerness & loving women for example, can go a little overboard... ooonly in that, narratives are not always representing only what they appear as, and you can't be so sure what other people are representing in abstractions. This post is only for people who might feel sensitive about those abstractions-- if you don't have a care in the world, don't bother reading on...!

Here is an example, from a popular series many love. The Moomin novels are precious to me, I love the expressions of the author, Tove's, relationships and human experiences. Tove largely expresses herself through Moomin, a boy. She expresses her relationships with women AND men through that conduit. Ironically, the relationship between Moomin and Snufkin-- beloved by many!-- represents a 10-year love affair with a man in her life, Atos. While the story of Moomin and Too-ticky, is a representation of her relationship to her later long-term female partner, Tuulikki. I don't see fandom much explore or care about Moomin/Too-ticky, probably because it is M/F. I think that's kind of funny? I'm not here to make a judgement-- I write Snufkin/Moomin-- but, when I think about what people value in Tove VS what narrative they like in fiction, it's interesting that the real-life experiences influencing that fiction doesn't matter.

Meanwhile, a lot of female mangaka represent their traits through male characters. Arakawa connects to Edward Elric, and Yana Toboso projects a lot of herself into Ciel Phantomhive. While it's not stated as outright as all the other examples, I do believe Iro-sensei projects a lot of their personality into Hanako, and Aida-sensei seems to playfully draw Iro-sensei as Hanako, or embellish him with Iro-sensei's IRL habits.

We can look at a story like JSHK, and we can look at it literally as a story about ghosts and humans and such. Or, we can look at it thematically, and see a story about many, many more things we might relate to. Broad concepts of eschewing society's morals, strictures, or values (suchas Tsukasa), or following them to the point of pain (suchas Teru), who gets punished or forgotten and why, how to be happy in a world that doesn't care if you are happy (Hakubo, Sumire).... etc...

Hanako's struggle with Nene-chan, is that he cannot marry her, he cannot grow up with her, and 'has no future' with her. I would describe Hanako as chronically unable to conceptualize commitment for himself. At the start of the manga, this makes him a kind of playboy to Nene-chan-- flirtatious, harassing, but also closed-off. He sees his dynamic with Nene-chan as a temporary, short-term thing... a year of frivolity with a girl, something that can't 'go anywhere'. He can be capricious, but only because of a sense of hopelessness. This relationship cannot "go anywhere".

Much to be said about queer relationships being seen as 'a phase' in many cultures... something you do when young, but grow out of, moving into normative adulthood. I'm not saying that's the INTENTION-- but that you could happily choose to read it however you want, connect to it however you want.

I mean... gay marriage is not sanctioned across Japan... this concept of "a person you can play with a little when you're young, but never truly commit to" is a cultural concept there. It's interesting that when Nene-chan dreams, "I want to get married some day in the real world!", Hanako receives it as a rejection, and no longer plans to attempt to entrap her through bizarre, indirect circumstances.

Hanako can use strange, convoluted systems like making Nene-chan his kannagi, or binding her to him with the mermaid scale, to ensnare them together .... as much as you could uh, start a business with your lover, but perhaps not legally marry them. It's an interesting compromise, or as he says in Picture Perfect, 'I'm only using what I can'.

Picture Perfect is also about creating a fake fantasy world which fictionalizes everything into a saccharine and acceptable, normative fantasy one wherein Hanako is no longer a Mononoke, but the human, Amane. As Mitsuba says, "in this world, she can even marry No. 7!". What does it mean for Nene-chan to reject this sanitized, acceptable rewritten version of their love, & desire the haunting ghost, even with all of the foibles of that? She doesn't claim to hate the fiction, but it isn't the love she remembers.

The concept that kaii simply 'cannot access' certain aspects of society is interesting. This concept that humans engaging with kaii sincerely, are naive, short-sighted, and incapable of thinking of the 'big picture' is, too. It's childish of Nene-chan to chase Hanako, and others who 'know better' or think more 'realistically' chide or laugh at her for it (Akane, Teru, Mitsuba....). Mitsuba finds it funny that Nene-chan is so smitten with a lover she can't have for life. Mitsuba longs to be 'normal'. Hanako wants a 'normal' life for Nene-chan.

Just as well, however Amane or Tsukasa may have felt about each other, they were brothers. There is a limit to the level of closeness they can have. To put it bluntly, they can't get married, either, lol.

Amane/Hanako the entity may not 'have a future' with anyone he loves, as he may not ever have a proper, societally-acceptable love, with anyone. His love might always be something impossible to achieve-- the moon, out of his reach. That's an interesting trait for a main character.

I think it shouldn't be shameful or stupid or reductive to connect to Hanako/Nene, or Akane/Aoi (lifelong 'best friends'), or Sumire/Hakubo (who were hardly seen as people by anyone, their relationship's value anywhere from invisible to repugnant) .... we literally do not know Aida or Iro's relationships, experiences, we don't even know their own identities or personal lives all that deeply....! We don't know where they are writing or drawing from. But in that way, I think it would be doing a disservice to what you can connect to in a narrative, to presume it's only ever what it looks like on the surface.

For a great many authors & artists, we didn't get to know the greater narrative of their life until long after they died, and could reread their works with new context. I don't think people need to die for you to do that, though. If you notice a consistent theme, it might be intentional... or it might not be! You should have fun. You shouldn't worry too much about it IN-TEXT being wlw or mlm lol.... that's, just not how a lot of people choose to write their stories, even if their lived reality is exactly one thing. Even if there's not a deep reason, maybe it feels more fun or more playful to imagine oneself, a lesbian, as a nasty teenage straight boy. Maybe it even feels more 'real' but in a 'lol... tfw' way. Do you feel me on that??? Sometimes... I think things get a little too literal around the web lately in media analysis!!!!! I would love to encourage anyone who needs permission, to get a little less literal. I don't think you need to, imagine Hanako as a woman to make HanaNene appropriately lesbo vibes, or to justify yourself, a lesbo, liking it. You could be a lesbo and Hanako could represent the type of girl you are exactly. There are girls like that. I mean. Tsukasa represents the type of girl I am.... *paws out*

and aouhhhrho aoaaoouou disclaimer anyone can enjoy whatever they like etc etc have fun etc, live your life etc not saying everyone who likes XYZ is insecure or XYZ or should just blah blah or it's wrong to do blah blah write blah, this all isn't relevant to you whatsoever if you're happy and confident in what you like, proud to like it or whatever, this post is only!!!! relevant if you feel ashamed, embarrassed, silly, or dumb for 'seeing something' or relating to something 'not for you' or 'not there'!!! You don't know that it isn't there! You don't have to choose from .... the few same-gender options actually in-text. Or contort the canon around. You can see your own relationships in anything. Because people write their own relationships in a thousand ways.

My husband and I can write ourselves as two girls. As two girls and a boy. As two boys. As a boy and a girl. As two boys and a girl. As a boy and a nongendered thing. We do this obsessively. I wouldn't say any of these narratives are more or less accurate or true to our lives depending upon the genders aligning with our real life human bodies. We can be a thousand things, and we're still 'us'. We recognize 'us' in that which resonates.

[nerdygaymormon]

Loved reading your talk, I can absolutely see how much of an impact that would have for so many.

I know for me, I continue to give people in my ward the benefit of the doubt and a big part of that is you sharing Christlike love to everyone you come across (at least to what I’ve seen)

One bit of insight during a lesson I had into being Yoked with the Savior is that to put it in slightly more modern terms, it’s like doing a 3 legged race with him.

He walks side by side with us, to support us when we falter and matches our pace perfectly.

There’s a story of a farmer who uses his strongest ox to teach the young and weaker one how to share the load, bit by bit.

So it is with us. We don’t have to be an exact mirror of the Savior. He walks next to us every step of the way, always there to share our load.

Bottom line, thank you for all that you do, day by day.

Thank you for the compliment, that was nice to read.

A 3-legged race is a good example to illustrate 2 people being tied together and having to work together to move forward.

10 years ago I couldn't give the talk I did last night. Not just that I was only out to a limited number of people, but the LDS Church was still in full-battle mode against gay marriage. The idea that there are queer church members still felt like a novel idea. (if you haven't seen my post about changes that happened in the LDS Church during the decade of the 2010's, it's worth checking out)

It's sometimes hard to remember how things used to be because I'm used to how things are and see how much things need to change. It's good to remember that being able to have a voice in church as my authentic self is a pretty recent development

[sublimecatgalaxy]

hey hun!! from the prompt list:

2. 'Whose blood is that?'

9.Mutual Pining

with daryl dixon if possible!! thank you for being so awesome<3 do your thing:))

You're the best dude.

My feet ache as if they were broken, my arm slung around Rick's shoulder as he gasps, saying my name under his breath to keep me alert but it was getting increasingly hard. Rick wraps his arm tighter around my waist to keep me upright, my hand gripping my side as my shirt soaks with blood. It wasn't stopping, it hasn't stopped bleeding in the hour that we traveled home and by the look on Rick's face and the gasps people who approach us, I don't even want to know the prognosis. I don't want to look at it, I don't want to know how bad it is, I barely even want Siddiq to see it and possibly cause more stress.

The whole thing was an accident and it couldn't have possibly been avoided. I knew there was a risk going outside the walls of Alexandria, knowing that something bad could happen to me between the walkers and other people that we were unfamiliar with. But apparently, freak accidents still occur, even in the apocalypse. The horse got spooked by a walker and tossed me off onto a pile of metal, striking me and going right through my side. It was no one's fault.

I groan, feeling my head loll forward a bit as Rick curses under his breath, scooping me right up into his arms as the hustle and bustle of concerned people gets louder around us.

"Can someone get Daryl!?" He yells, my head pounding at the noise as my eyes open, the world around me fuzzy and blurry as I watch people run up to me.

"No, don't." I mutter, reaching up to rub my eyes, smearing blood across my face with a huff. "I'll be fine, Rick, let me down." I hit against his chest but he doesn't budge, he just continues to walk further and further from the gate.

"Hey!" The familiar voice is sobering as my eyes open, watching as Daryl jogs up to us, his eyes immediately taking in my state. "The hell happened out there? Whose blood is that?" His voice shutters as Rick sets me down on my feet, my hand returning back to my side and he hands me off to Daryl. "Hey." He whispers, hands cupping my cheeks as I look up at him, eyes heavy as I clear my throat. His eyes are possibly the widest I've ever seen them, his brows pulled tightly together as I whine.

"Horse threw me off. I'm not bit." I reassure him simply as his arms wrap around me, picking me up into his arms, leading me towards the medical ward.

"Knew I shoulda gone with." He mutters, jaw tight and angry as I sigh, pressing my head against his chest to get some type of comfort. Just his presence is comforting, the familiar smell and feel of his arms around me soothing me like a child with a blanket. "Never woulda happened if I went."

Setting me down on the cot I groan out in pain, feeling Daryl press into the wound, tears slipping down my cheeks as him and Siddiq talk. My head feels heavy as Daryl huffs, moving over to let Siddiq work as I cry quietly.

"I got you." He whispers, hand brushing over the top of my head as I send him a half-assed smile, getting one from him in return.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

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[minahoeshi]

to be yours and you, mine.

Kuroo Tetsurō x reader | just pure angst. so much angst.

warning: major character death

prelude: the end lets its presence be known before it comes around. At times, that sense of awareness feels like a blessing. But with you and Tetsurou, the reminder of what soon will come can only hurt you even further. Because mankind has never been powerful enough to do anything against so many things. We have always been weak in the face of nature. especially against the passage of time and all the things it keeps taking from us.

It's almost odd how the world changed when you realised what the moments of silence has reduced your relationship into. How, when you finally acknowledged the fact that perhaps the end of a prolonged short story is nearer than you'd rather believe, a filter seemed to slip off of the camera, along with the vibrance you never realised was raised too high. It's not like the frames suddenly are less colourful. It's just that the tinges of blue in the shadows and highlights have made themselves more obvious, like a sign waiting for you to conclude things yourself.

Maybe it's because it's the new years and new beginnings just seem so scary. Or maybe it's the ice in the air, or the meteorologist on the television announcing that it's 7°C that morning that makes the lack of warmth between you and him more unbearable. But you wake up to the silence of the world, not even the birds are around to fuss above your house. To the empty space beside you, a reminder of his message three days ago.

Tetsu(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

I'm staying with my family this new year. Okaa-san thinks I need to spend 'the end of the year and the beginning of a new one with those that made such days possible for me'. You know, her usual line to remind me of their importance. Miss you.

Let's video call on new year's eve, yeah?

received 9:26

He did call you last night. Not the video call he promised, but a voice call on Line. But you didn't answer. If he asked why, you would've told him you were with your friends in a shrine celebrating new years with prayers for a better future for one another, drinking sake, and walking the streets of Shibuya with your girls and gays and the one guy friend that everyone wonders how he ended up in the group.

It didn't hurt that he only called you once and never tried again. It didn't hurt that he didn't ask why. But fuck was it painful to hear the voicemail.

"Happy new year, Y/N san. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be there with you, I promise. I love you. So much."

It's scary and painful how his voice seemed to waver. How it was shaky and devoid of his usual timbre, a ghost of what once was a joking and rarely serious tone that took light of most situations. His voice that you loved so much, absent because maybe he knew too.

Maybe he was aware that no saving can be done to bring forth the past as if it was the present. To rebuild the broken and to remind you both of what you had all these years. To you and him, the signs couldn't be more obvious. When the world crumbles, you don't save it. You kiss it goodbye and go on to search for a new one. One that won't break with you in it. (but you know you won't search. you never do.)

You spend the next hours awake. The consciousness, unwanted. You want so much to just fall down as if the darkness can just swallow you and you'd be happier in it. In silence, you might feel better.

But you can't help the way your brain works. You bask in the reminiscing, the present disappearing before you until it's the past that owns you.

It's not the memories that grabs hold of you but him in his entirety. You cry because you will miss all that he is. The lazy tone he uses when he feels comfortable beside you on the couch. The humour he finds in everything, even in chemistry which is crazy because nothing about chemistry is comical. The messy hair he refuses to tame because he loses his identity, a piece of him, his pride and legacy when his hair looks neat. You'll miss his hand on your back when you're walking outdoors, his iced coffee with a secret ingredient that is probably not really a secret, his hugs when you feel yourself falling in the deep hole of misery, his excitement when he speaks of volleyball, his pride when he talks about his achievements, his— all of him. You'll miss all of him. Too much.

Kuroo spends the car ride thinking of you. Reminding himself to remind you of all that you must remember. To hold your hand tight for as long as he can until he can't.

He reminds himself of the things he love so much about you. Of your unequaled patience and trust in him. Of your ability to strip him of all his bad so that he can only see his good. Of your laughter when he speaks of his day as comically as possible. Of the mornings he wakes up beside you. Of your— everything. All that you are.

Because as the car nears your house, he feels himself crumble. Because he just knows what is about to come. So he must keep in him all your good and bad to be grounded. To stay long enough.

Kuroo stays in the car and stared at the door. The door that opens slowly and reveals you in your scarf and windbreaker. Beautiful. You in all your tear-stained glory, your nose and ears red. He stares as you step into the snow and approach him. He stares as you knock on the window.

And so he opens the door.

You break again the moment you see him. You wish to be strong for him. He doesn't deserve your sadness and weakness but he told you to let yourself be. That your tears are better seen than hidden. Because it helps him and you know how you are feeling. So that he doesn't have to walk around eggshells because you both expose all your vulnerability to one another.

So you fall on his knees. You dont wait for him to get out. You cry on his lap and you know he cried with you. You fall apart together. The same way you built each other to be whoever you two are today, you both break each other.

You say, Testu. Tetsu Tetsu Tetsu Tetsu. He says it's fine, he's fine. He leans and kisses your head and you cry more the same way he does as he hugs you from above. I'm sorry, you say. I should've answered your call, you say.

But I was scared. I was too scared.

And you both know. You fear the same thing. Because as Kuroo is placed on his wheelchair with your help and Kenma's who has been with you two since the very beginning. He leaves both of you because he knows that's what's best. He gives Kuroo a hug before he drives away.

He's bone-thin. Dark bags under his eyes, cheekbones too visible, lips too pale— tired. He looked more tired than three days ago, before he suddenly disappeared that day and you felt too much pain because was he gonna leave you that way? Was he not gonna be with you until the very last of everything?

You were thankful he texted you that night. Because you would've gone crazy with all your thoughts. You understood why he had to go home. His family needed him and he needed them. You couldn't be selfish.

That night, you spend hours on your bed with Kuroo. He didn't need the morphine, he tells you. He's okay. But his breathing is ragged and he's sweating. He can't move without hurting. But you don't give him painkillers because he told you so. So instead, you kiss him. You kiss him and tell him you love him. You tell him you were happiest with him. He doesn't talk much. But the last he said before you both slept was, "I love you too. More than anything and everything. I love you."

The next morning, you cry harder. This time, all by yourself. Tetsutetsutetsutetsutetsutetsu. He never responds.

You cry harder.

But at the very least, he was still holding your hand.

-

Tetsu(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Science is yet to prove the existence of reincarnation so instead of pinning everything on it, I'd rather appreciate this one life I spent loving you. Because there's no other way for me to have lived than to be yours and you mine. This one life is enough for the universe to understand that we are eternity, you and me. Forever.

I love you. I know you love me too.

2:09 am

You

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

5:27 am

-

Okaa-san - mother

Tetsu - nickname for Kuroo from his first name, Tetsuro. In Japan, cute nicknames are more common than endearments like honey or love.

Shibuya - a city or special ward in the prefecture, Tokyo.

Sake - Japanese alcohol made of rice and other ingredients.

Line - most used messaging app in Japan.

Thanks for reading!

[f1-disaster-bi]

Poor lance struggling after Lando leaves 💔 his parents only care when he’s playing up and telling him off for coming home drunk at early hours but then when he stops they think the issues are over and don’t even realise that their son is getting skinnier and is covering his arms up more than usual. Lance feels helpless and he’s lost count of the amount of times he writes out a message to Lando to say goodbye. Then he’s in college and his roommate is so friendly he’s trying to push away because it’ll only end in hurt but eventually he lets Este in and one day Este comes home early to find Lance on the floor in tears clearly coming out of a panic attack and blood dripping down his arms and only then does he realise how bad he’s been and that he needs help.

And overseas Lando is struggling himself, he’s never felt so alone and out of place and he just constantly wants to hear Lances voice but the phone call never comes and Lando convinces himself that lance is so happy without him.

And then they’ve met again and Lando has noticed the scars and the pills Lance takes every morning with his breakfast and one night when they’re together he softly kisses all of the scars apologising that he wasn’t there for lance. And then when Este comes over he’s annoyed at Lando for leaving and letting Lance get into that state but at the same time he’s never seen lance so happy and knows Lando is the reason behind that. Este tells Lando this and goes into how he found lance and Lando is distraught by it all.

Honestly I'm starting to headcanon the strolls as shitty parents in this.

Imagine part of the reason things get so bad for Lance once he cleans up his act is that he overhears a conversation between his parents about 'thank god that that boy next door moved away. I was sure Lance was going to come home gay one day, at least now he's normal again and on the right track' and part of the reason Lance works so hard is to get away from home because he knows they only love a certain idea they have of him and he needs out

And then the night Este finds him is the night he told them he was gay and they lost it on him, and he no longer has Lando or a family and he's just done but then he has Esteban

And Lando is just heartbroken for Lance and shoves his own issues during that time down because he feels so guilty over what Lance went through. And he just wants Lance to feel loved and he reminds him every time he can that Lance is here, and Lando loves him and is proud of him

After Lando and Este become friends after the lando being jealous thing, and they're awake before Lance one day and Esteban brings up that he used to hate Lando. Not just for having so much of Lance, but for breaking him but that he understands now it was more than Lando that hurt Lance and Lando makes him happy and Lando is just crying cause he has so much guilt over it and maybe, just maybe he tells esteban everything he went through. Including the stint in the pysch ward and he doesn't know Lance over heard it

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD] [QUOTEV]

NOTE: Happy birthday to me! Though this might be posted right AT midnight my time, so technically after my birthday. Also, there won't really be much smut this chapter; just coupley fluff and a hint of steaminess.

                                                        CHAPTER SIX

"Well, you two sure are snug as bugs in a rug."

Chie scowled over at Yosuke as they sat around on the school roof, ploughing their way through plastic bowls of instant miso ramen. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about this." He leaned way forward, headphones slipping around on his neck as he poked his chopsticks between her and Yukiko's arms. And touched both of them. "You've been glued at the hip all day!"

"We have not." Cheeks having taken on the vaguest of rosy tints, Yukiko pretended to find her ramen much more interesting as she daintily drew the noodles into her mouth. She did slurp, but it was somehow a polite slurp; Chie never knew how she did it, while she was over there making enough noise to tell the whole school what she was eating for lunch.

"I mean, do you think I'm dumb? Let me rephrase," he cut Chie off when she held up a finger to respond, taking a deep breath as well. "I'm not dumb. I can see that something's different. Like, all day has been a chick clique, with me and Narukami all benched over here."

"I haven't felt 'benched'," Yu put in very mildly, though he had also been glancing at the two girls just as curiously.

Finally, Yukiko broke her silence, though she was still staring down into her lunch. "I think you're making a lot out of nothing, Hanamura-san. There's nothing wrong with two friends spending time together, especially after going through something so harrowing."

"'Hanamura-san'? Geez, it's like that, huh?" Yosuke sighed, scratching the back of his neck.

"Listen to Yuki-chan," Chie snapped. "Like, it's none of your business, anyway. But yeah, we're just hanging out! You think it's weird? For two girls to be friends?"

"No! But I don't think that's the only thing going on here." Squinting slightly, he pointed at Chie with his chopsticks again. "I think there's a lot more than just 'gals being pals', y'know? Like, Class S-"

"God, here we go," she groaned with a huge roll of her eyes as she set her bowl aside. "You and your 'everything is dirty' brain, you pervert." She stood up and cracked her neck, then started rolling her arm around to loosen her shoulder. Immediately, he was throwing up both hands to ward her off.

"Wait, wait! Hey, I don't think there's any call for violence, exactly! C'mon, what's the big deal in me pointing out what it looks like?!"

"The 'big deal' is that you're trying to make something normal into some gross fantasy in your brain!"

"Hey, can you blame me? After what we saw in the TV… I mean, your shadows were really into it…"

Instantly, he was being kicked down to sprawl out on his back by a very irate Chie. Limbs flailing everywhere, he tried to fend off the brown loafer that continued to descend upon his face and chest repeatedly for the next few seconds. "AH! CHIE! FOR CHRISSAKE, CUT IT OUT WILLYA?!"

"MAYBE QUIT BEING A GROSS PIG AND I WILL!"

While he was still trying to protect his face, Yu commented calmly, "The gross pig has a point. If shadows are part of who you are, it's not such a strange question to ask."

"Et tu, Yu?" Yukiko sighed, frowning down at her bowl. "Isn't it bad enough we had to be there while you two saw the other us… doing such things?"

"You say that like it wasn't the best show of my life!" Yosuke chuckled — earning him a fresh strike to the mouth with a rubber sole. "RGH! Okay, get off, I'm kinda done!"

Finally reclaiming her spot next to Yukiko, Chie grumbled, "Me too. Like, stop being so disgusting."

"Oh yeah?" He sighed and shook his head. "What a waste lesbians are."

While Yukiko's head began to sink lower, Chie's face burst a few capillaries as she snapped, "WHAT?! Okay — listen, you jackass! Y-you don't even know what you're- and what do you mean, a 'waste'?!"

"Like, that's two less girls for the rest of us," he continued to protest as he stirred his noodles. "Hard enough for some guys to get dates without some chicks pairing off with each other."

Chie took a deep breath to reply… but to her surprise, it was Yu who said, "I think that's ignorant. They should be able to date whoever they want."

"What?" Eyebrows sky high, he snapped, "Yu, bro… how can you stab me in the back like this?"

"Stop being dramatic. And I'm sure there will still be plenty of girls to ask out. Don't you have someone you're interested in? Anyone at all?"

"Risette," he sighed wistfully. When the other three were blinking at him in surprise for a few seconds, he cleared his throat. "I-I mean, that Ebihara is hot. But I dunno, I don't have any game."

"You really don't," Chie confirmed.

"Whoa, shots fired…"

"What do you expect, man? You treat girls like Pocky flavours, just trying to pick which one suits your mood today. Seriously, do you even care about how they feel? Whether or not their personalities match yours? You just seem to care if they have big boobs and nice hair."

Taken aback, he finally set his ramen aside. "What the hell, Satonaka? I thought we were friends, and you're like, totally ripping me a new one here! What did I ever do to you?"

"For starters, you told me and Yukiko that we're 'too close' and a 'waste of space'."

"Hey, I never said 'waste of space'. Just like, a waste of two really gorgeous, available women."

"Lies! You have never thought I was gorgeous."

"Oh. Good point." This time, she actually took her loafer off and threw it at his head. "WHOA! Hey, hey — I wanna live, I WANNA LIVE!"

                                                        ~ o ~

Despite trying her best to focus on positive thoughts, Chie's blood was still boiling well after school let out for the day. She kicked a can down the quaint, lazy street toward the rest of Inaba, still grumbling about how chauvinistic he was and that they were better off not dealing with someone who didn't even see them as fellow humans.

"He isn't that bad," Yukiko snickered. "He could use some work, but… you know he doesn't really believe those things."

"Yeah? Well I think he's worse than we think!"

"How can he be worse than you think if you already think he's worse?"

"That's… well…" Pouting, she watched her footsteps for a while as they paced through the homey little downtown district. "Y-you know what I meant. Like, I know he's a boy, but so is Yu and at least he's halfway decent. There's no excuse!"

"Maybe not." They were quiet for a moment. "Um, do you want to stop by Souzai Daigaku? Grab a couple of croquettes?"

Chie knew what she was doing. Obviously this was a ploy to distract her from her ranting about their friend's misogynistic tendencies. And… it worked, but only because she knew Yukiko didn't like gossiping all that much and wanted to spare her. "For sure. I crave meat — oh, and a lemon soda."

"Okay," Yukiko chuckled as she slid her arm through Chie's. The action seemed to bring both of them to a sudden halt, and she blinked. "Oh. That's strange, I… I didn't mean to do that. But it felt very…"

"Natural," Chie supplied. After only a tiny hesitation, she raised a hand to rest on Yukiko's wrist, keeping her there. "It's cool. I don't think anybody's gonna pay attention… we probably won't, uh… be noticed…"

Nodding her agreement, they continued to walk arm in arm. Despite her confident words, Chie's heart was racing. Somebody was going to call them yuri — make some kind of gay joke, or even just a simple catcall would be a fate worse than death. But maybe they wouldn't be seen at all.

They were.

"Ohhh, so pretty!"

The two looked around for a moment, trying to find the source of the compliment and figure out why it was even made. But nobody was closeby. Had they imagined it?

"Oh!" Yukiko breathed when she finally looked down.

A small elementary school girl was standing in front of them, wide smile and brown pigtails radiating pure innocence. Her little pink dress was on over a white turtleneck. Chie found herself wanting to pick her up and put her on a shelf, she was so adorable.

"Awww, hello there!" she gushed with an equal grin.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The girl gave a little bow. "Are you two on a date? I didn't mean to stop you!"

"Wh-WHAT?!"

But Yukiko led with, "N-no, it's okay. But what did you think was pretty?"

"You! I mean, I've never seen a girl as pretty as you, ever — 'cept maybe Risette! But she's a star. Nobody as pretty as Risette would be in Inaba."

While she was still trying to recover her voice, Chie squatted down to ask, "Hey, what's your name?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm Nanako." Then she seemed to remember her manners and bowed. "N-nice to meet you."

"Likewise," she chuckled. "And you're right, this is the most beautiful woman in the whole world."

"Really?" she breathed in wonder — while Yukiko made flustered noises beside her.

"Yep! And we're really lucky to see her! They say she only appears to little girls who have been really good this year."

While Nanako was looking completely enthralled, Yukiko tutted, "Don't fill that poor girl's head with nonsense!" But she was blushing a bright red to match her sweater.

"Sorry," Chie laughed, though she didn't sound especially sincere about her apology, before she turned to pet the little girl on the head. "It was nice meeting you, but we have a date with meat."

"Okay!" she breathed, still obviously very taken with the idea of a magically appearing prettiest girl in the universe. She waved distractedly as the two moved off toward the restaurant.

"Well she didn't seem to mind that we were arm-in-arm."

Yukiko smiled through her rosy, embarrassed expression. "You're terrible. But… I suppose I appreciate the compliment. Thank you."

Now they were both flustered. Luckily, their trip to Souzai Daigaku in silence could help them temporarily forget they were in the middle of such a touchy, anxiety-inducing conversation.

Which only lasted until Chie was halfway through her order of way too many croquettes. Yukiko had mostly just been watching her devour them with wide eyes, both disgusted and impressed as she nibbled at her own single croquette.

"WHOO!" she burst out. "This is great! Time for dinner now."

"Time for- you really are a bottomless pit." When Chie only saluted like an American soldier, she giggled. "Wow. Do you want to head into Aiya for a beef bowl? I'm not hungry, but… I don't mind spending more time with you."

Obviously that got her best friend grinning like a loon. "R-really? I mean, you know I'm going to be taking the portal to the meat dimension."

"Oh? I thought they only served that on rainy days."

"Well… they'll make it for me, since I'm one of their best customers. But I have to pay more if it's not raining. Seems like a fair trade-off." She finished off her croquette and stood. "Ready?"

Still caught off guard, she blinked and stood beside Chie. "Lead the way."

The Chinese diner happened to be right next door to the croquette stand, so it wasn't as if they had a long walk ahead of them. Chie pulled her to the door by the hand, and Yukiko stumbled briefly before adapting to the quickened pace, sliding her arms around her prince's to steady herself. All smiles. They were so giddily in love, even though they hadn't been at all aware of said love a couple of days ago. Life could change so fast…

"Welcome!" said a girl in a red apron with short blue hair and a white scarf covering most of it — which was most of what one could see, given that she was already bowed low in greeting. "How may we serve you?"

"Hey, Nakamura!" Chie said casually enough. "Not out on deliveries today?"

The server straightened and shrugged with a smile. "Nope, Satonaka-san." Clearly she was being formal because they were customers, but her tone and expression was full of familiarity. "Booth in the back?"

"Sure! And you already know what I want. Yukiko?"

"Oh, just a small order of zhēngjiǎo," she told her with a wave of her hand. "And green tea. Thank you, Aika-chan."

"With chicken?" Yukiko nodded, and Aika beamed. "I'll have those out for you right away. Please have a seat."

They made small talk until their food arrived a few minutes later. Chie plunged into the mega beef bowl with gusto while her new girlfriend daintily nibbled at her plate of steamed dumplings. Halfway through, she began to pet up and down Chie's back with her free hand.

"Hmhg?" Chie asked around a mouthful of beef, eyes wide when she turned them on her. Yukiko giggled, which only made her grin — while morsels of food dropped from her lips.

"YUCK!" she cackled, while Chie blotted at her mouth with a napkin. "I'm actually dating a pig!"

After having swallowed down the rest of her mouthful, she laughed and nudged Yukiko with her shoulder as she started to dig into the fried egg on top of the bowl at last. "Sorry, sorry. But like, it was hilarious watching you get grossed out." Which only earned her the daintiest tongue sticking out at her.

They lapsed back into a comfortable silence for a few more minutes. This time, when Yukiko pet her back, Chie didn't overreact; just hummed and relaxed into the gentle touch. It really was a night and day difference. Instead of making them feel awkward and weird, now it was warm, and safe… it felt like a little piece of home could be created wherever and whenever they chose.

"I really… can't believe how easy this is."

"Mm," Chie hummed around her mouthful before reaching over to lay a hand on her bestie's forearm under the table. Once she managed to chew and swallow it down, she whispered, "It's pretty crazy, I can't believe I'm starting to get used to this. Keep thinking you're going to snap out of it and like, tell me to get away from you. Because I'm… whatever it is I am."

Yukiko tutted at her as she wrapped both arms around Chie's, laying her head on her shoulder. "You say that like it's just you. Not both of us. Maybe you had those thoughts about me first but clearly I'm not running away. So…"

When she didn't finish right away, she prompted, "What?"

"So, um… don't be so…" She swallowed. "Don't be mean to yourself. Don't put it all on you, especially when I'm happy. This is a good thing, not a death sentence."

"O-oh, I never- I didn't mean it was bad! Just like, weird, and it's gonna get people saying weird stuff about us. Like Yu and Yosuke already keep doing."

"They should be ashamed of themselves," she sighed as she dipped another jiaozi into the tiny pool of sauce. "Well… Yosuke should especially, but Yu was also too persistent."

Shaking her head, Chie stirred the contents of her bowl angrily. "Oughtta stomp all over those two. Like, it's none of their business! I don't care what they saw in the TV!"

"Shhhh, I'm sorry." Yukiko pet her thigh now, kissing the side of her neck. "I didn't mean to get you upset. Even though I do agree with you. So… relax, alright? Enjoy the meal."

But that presented a brand new development for Chie. Her stomach fluttered as she realised they weren't just cuddling, or being good friends. Food was now completely gone from the forefront of her mind. They were together, in public, and Yukiko was touching her leg. That thin uniform skirt was the only protection from getting to fully enjoy the warm smoothness of her dainty hand.

"Y-Yuki-chan…"

"What? Is something wrong?"

The hand came to a stop, yet Chie was still breathing shallow and rapid when she said, "O-oh, nothing, I just… I'm having a good time. With you! Yeah, with you, um… h-honey."

Both Yukiko's flawlessly-shaped eyebrows shot up. "Honey?!"

"SHHHH!" she hissed at her desperately. "I don't know, I've never had a girlfriend before! Or boyfriend! An ANY-gender-friend!"

"Oh, my honey!" Yukiko snickered in English, entire face lighting up. Lapsing back into her native tongue, she purred, "I think it's really sweet. Funny, but sweet."

"Oh, shut up, Honey!"

"Wow, that isn't very nice. And here I'm being so affectionate toward you."

Though Chie's mouth opened to protest, no sound came out when she felt impossibly soft lips barely pressing into the corner. This was insane! Anybody could see them — anyone from school, from in and around their neighbourhoods. The proprietors of Aiya. All of Inaba. Not only was the hand still teasing her leg, but it seemed to be heading down toward her knee. The hem of her skirt.

"Yukiko… this is so bad, what happens if they catch us?! We're gonna be out to the whole freaking town!"

Snickering a little, the innkeeper whispered into her ear conspiratorially, "Nobody's watching us, I promise. Look around." Her other hand casually gestured to the inside of the restaurant, where couples, men dining alone, groups of students eating while they studied, filled its interior. None of them were looking in their direction.

"A-ah. But…" Chie licked her lips as she felt her skirt being hiked up by the playful fingertips. "They could still… turn around and see you doing this… isn't that illegal, anyway?"

A little at a time, Yukiko's playful smirk faded and she dipped her head as her hand came to a stop. "Sorry, my Prince. I guess I just really want to make you feel good, and it seems exciting to do it right here, but... you're right, it's too risky. I don't know what got into me!"

"Oh, hey…" She put an arm around Yukiko's shoulders, pulling her in close against her body. "I'm not mad or anything. Just like, freaked out at the idea. Do you still wanna try it?"

"No," Yukiko told her with a small smile. "Well… yes, but it isn't that urgent. We should finish our food."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I don't want to make you choke on your beef bowl, anyway."

A little snort fell from her girlfriend's lips. "C'mon, I could handle both at the same time. Probably. I'm only iffy about it because I don't wanna get caught and thrown out of my favourite restaurant."

"Really? Because I don't think I could!" They both laughed a little, and Yukiko leaned up to kiss her cheek again. "But if you're sure you don't mind experimenting… we could see what happens."

"Yeah." She nodded to further drive home how serious she was. "Hit me. If I can't handle it, I'll tap out."

"Tap out?"

"Yep! You know, in American wrestling when they're… done with… yeah, no reason you would know that. They tap the mat in a super obvious way to show they give up. So like… I'll do this."

When Chie tapped the edge of her bowl twice with her chopsticks, Yukiko's eyes hyperfocused on the action and she nodded. "Ah, I see! Yes, I will definitely understand that action's meaning now."

"It's not that serious," she muttered. But then Yukiko was petting the inside of her thigh again, and all she could do was grunt to keep from moaning. "O-ohhhh… oh, we're… starting again."

Not just starting. Yukiko's nimble digits were making their way straight to her panties, no waiting. Chie felt her stomach disappear as she anticipated the touch hitting home at last. Any second now…

"YOU."

They both nearly fell off their chairs at the sudden sharp word issued from so close by. Trying not to appear as flustered as they were, the two girls looked up to see a near-flawless face gazing down at them marred by a haughty, annoyed expression. Her blonde-highlighted hair hung around her face in elaborate curls that had obviously taken a long time to fashion, just brushing the lacey pink choker wrapped around her throat — like Chie already wished her hands were, and they had barely begun a conversation.

"Ebihara," Chie breathed as her blood ran cold.

"What?" Ai Ebihara snapped, resting a hand on one hip as she cocked it out to the side. "Can I help you with something?"

"Uhhhhh, you came up to me, dude. What do you want?"

That response made her scoff loudly. "Nothing from some bowl-cut reject. I was talking to the priss."

While Chie was trying to ignore the vein throbbing in her forehead, Yukiko sat up a little straighter and pointed at her own chest. "Me?!"

"God, you're both idiots. There are only two people at this table, so if it's not the bowl cut, guess who it has to be?"

"Hey, watch it," Chie warned her as she leaned an elbow on the table. "Tell us what the hell you want or get out of here."

Scowling at her, Ebihara flipped her hair over her shoulder gracefully before edging into a chair across from them. Which was exactly the opposite of what they wanted; they were kind of in the middle of something! Couldn't she go away and come back another day, much like other black clouds?

"You have something I'm after. Give me that and I'll leave you to your pedestrian food."

Yukiko must have been sensing that her friend was going to stand up and shout at the interrupting annoyance, because she started petting up and down her thigh again. Soothing this time rather than teasing. "And what might I have that you want? I'm sorry, but I truly don't know."

"Narukami," she said without preamble.

"What about Narukami?" Chie asked suspiciously.

"I want him."

The other two girls exchanged a look. Where the hell was this coming from?! "U-uhhh…"

"Don't act so surprised. He's such a tall, mysterious stranger from so far away… practically the only boy at Yasogami who's remotely interesting. And you have been hogging him to yourself long enough. Fork him over."

"Wait, wait," Yukiko giggled nervously, hand flexing on Chie's thigh. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from letting out a yelp of surprise. "You don't think… I'm actually dating Yu, do you?"

"I didn't say anything as heavy as 'dating'," she shot back with a roll of her honey-hued eyes. "But I've seen you two together a few times. How you smile at him. It's loathsome, but I can't deny you have an in with him that I do not… yet."

"We're friends, Ai-san. That's all, I promise!"

Her eyes narrowed as Yukiko pet higher. Chie had to fight to stay focused on the conversation. "Hmm. I could almost believe you…"

"Please do. I have no reason to lie to you."

"Very well. Let's say you are being straight with me. How can I turn his little grey-haired head — what's the story with that grey hair, too? Dye job, genetic thing?"

Before this point, Chie had been mostly nodding along, waiting for the tortuous exchange to come to an end. But something going on beneath the table now had her undivided attention. Yukiko had not stopped in her advance. Her fingers were now teasing the insides of her thighs dangerously close to her center as she kept her eyes pointed squarely at Ebihara.

"U-um…" But when their guest turned a glare on her, she shut up.

"Yu seems to really enjoy a lot of things," Yukiko quickly said to draw her attention back.

"A lot of… things." Ai raised an eyebrow at her. "Is that seriously as specific as you can get?"

"N-no, not at all. Maybe… if you could be more specific yourself, I can be more helpful. I don't mind, I'm just not sure exactly what your goal is."

As Ebihara contemplated, Chie found herself wondering the same question about Yukiko. What was her goal?! There was no way they were actually going to test out their friendship's newfound sexual component while sitting across a restaurant table from the prima donna of Yasogami High. Was there?!

"Well, I guess I'm curious why he hasn't asked me out yet," Ebihara said as Aika returned to their table. "Ever since I was made manager of the… I'm sorry, may we help you?"

Blinking at the cold tone, the waitress said, "U-um, I was going to ask the same thing. What can I get you, miss?"

"Nothing from this craphole." But when nobody followed up that statement, and Aika just scowled, she sighed. "Green tea. Unless you do boba here." The wince was enough to communicate they did not, so she sighed and waved her away, "Just regular old tea then, and take your time. I don't eat at places like this."

As poor Aika stomped away, Chie grunted, "You could h-haaaave been nicer to her."

Unfortunately, that near-moan didn't escape Ai's notice. "Your time of the month or something? You look like you're having some wicked cramps."

"Y-yeah," she said, figuring it was the easiest explanation. The girl made a disgusted face but didn't further pursue that line of questioning; all girls understood that one, right? Plus it took the heat off her from Yukiko's fingers gliding slowly up and down along her slit through the all-too-thin fabric of her undergarment.

"Anyway, I think he's really cute, and he irritates me a lot less than the other boys on the team. Plus when he works up a sweat during practice…" For a brief moment, while she was biting her lip and trying not to smile, she almost looked like a normal girl.

"So you have a crush on him," Yukiko said as casually as she could… while still driving her best friend crazy.

"Uh, yes? Hello? What other conclusion could you reach from what I just said?!"

"Of course, of course. Well, why don't you just ask him out instead?"

Ai scoffed and pressed a hand to her chest as if scandalised by the very notion. "ME?! Look at me. I'm stunning, and I work hard to be this stunning. What's the point in doing so if not so that the boys are the ones to fall at my dainty feet?"

Chie had to chance it, even though she was very nearly panting like a dog in heat. The comment was begging for a rebuttal. "I've… never h-heard someone describe their own feet as dainty before."

"Yeah? Well, stay tuned for more originality, courtesy of moi." Even though she was so elegant-looking, it was such a jarring, brutish move when she suddenly slapped her calf on top of the table, making the dinnerware clatter. "LOOK. Look at them."

Yukiko and Chie both blinked down at her now-shoeless foot. It was covered by her white stockings, of course, but it seemed dainty enough in size. So Chie said, "Yep, that's a foot."

"It, um, seems lovely?" Yukiko attempted. As the leg mercifully withdrew before the proprietor of Aiya saw it and was offended at such a rude display, she continued, "I also envy how trim you are, Ai-san. How do you stay in shape? Chie does a lot of sports training and martial arts."

"Mostly diet," she told them smugly as she pulled out a compact and preened slightly. Chie wondered idly how anyone could be so self-absorbed. "And a little time on my elliptical at home every evening. Gotta burn those calories. What about you?"

Caught off guard by the question being turned around on her, Yukiko smiled demurely as she went back to teasing Chie harder. Her throat constricted to cut off a very genuine moan. "Oh, nothing in particular. Portion control. Though my duties at Amagi Inn do tend to keep me very active."

"Really? I can't believe that — you're way too perfect for that to be the whole story. What is it, kale? Juice cleanses? Do you…"

For a little while, Chie lost track of the conversation. Her entire focus was on those fingers playing over her growing wetness. Luckily the diner was full of pungent, savoury aromas or she would really have been in trouble — no way she wasn't stinking up the place with the scent of her arousal by now. All she wanted was to drag Yukiko off to the bathroom for a glorious finish, but she wasn't sure she would be able to stand just now. Besides, it would be the only move even more conspicuous than what they were already doing.

"...definitely working," Ebihara was finally relenting when she refocused, trying to block out the urges to moan and roll her hips by distracting herself. "But yeah, loan me that when you get the chance."

"Of course." Yukiko only occasionally glanced at Chie, to make sure she wasn't distressed or angry. And since Chie was trying to look politely interested in the conversation, it never showed how intolerable this whole situation was for her, so she went right back to petting and chatting. "And as I said, I don't know what sort of perfume he prefers, but anything should be fine. But knowing Yu, I don't think he would care about the brand if you name-dropped."

Ai's brow furrowed slightly as she tapped the surface of the table. Meanwhile, Chie was doing the same with one of her legs, jiggling it up and down in an attempt to abate the feelings assaulting her. In fact, it made them worse… but even after realising that, she couldn't seem to stop. She needed to get off now.

"Well, he certainly does look at me like he likes what he sees. What the hell's his problem? What more do I have to do?"

"It's probably a courage problem," Yukiko told her — while pressing two fingertips harder against Chie's clit. Which was throbbing so hard it didn't even present a challenge for her to find through the panties. "He hasn't worked up enough to ask someone as pretty as you out yet. Give him time, or make your own interest more obvious, since you said you didn't want to ask him yourself."

Ebihara tapped her chin. "You know, even though you're just a townie, I think you have a point. I won't outright ask him, but I could flirt a little. I'm just used to the boys making all the moves on me."

"A-ah…"

"Hm? Something wrong, Satonaka?"

"N-nah," Chie tried to cover. In reality, she had been unable to suppress that moan when Yukiko's fingers inadvertently tensed upon being called 'just a townie'. Despite the reason, it had felt too good against her greedy flesh. "Still my… red tide. Mm, what would you do? To flirt."

Looking at her a little funny, Ebihara shrugged. "I don't know. That's not really my thing; I prefer to have them chasing me. But I guess I've thought about it before, just in theory."

"So, u-um, try out some lines. Maybe we can tell you if they're- nhh… if they're too cheesy."

"Fine. Guess there's no reason not to." While Chie's hips began to squirm back and forth, the orgasm so close now, Ai preened at her hair a little more before leaning her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her folded hands. "Hey there. What's a nice guy like you doing on a crummy team like this?"

"I don't think that's very kind," Yukiko put in — while circling her best friend's clit harder than ever. "Try not to put down the team, he might take offense."

"But they really are a crummy team. Well, except for Kou-chan…" Her expression flickered, and it almost looked a bit wounded for a moment — before she recomposed herself into the usual arrogance. "Okay, you're probably right. Let me try something else."

"Please," Chie begged. Though it was actually for release and not another flirtation demonstration.

"Wow. You just made yourself my guinea pig, Bowl Cut." Chie wanted to be mad…

But an instant later, Ai's hands were delicately taking up the one of hers that was resting on top of the table. Her eyes softened as she looked up into Chie's, slightly wetted lips parting as her throat worked to swallow, as if nervous.

"I know… I haven't been the manager for very long, but… I really like seeing you every day. And you're so strong, and athletic… not to mention easy on the eyes. I wouldn't mind spending a little more time with you, okay? One on one."

"Really?" Chie half-panted, just barely able to keep from making it completely obvious what was happening under the table. "One on one, h-huh? What for?"

Anyone would have been able to tell Ebihara was fighting down some variety of "Are you stupid?" response. But after the brief flicker of ire, she leaned further forward, showing a slight glimpse of her collarbone beneath her school uniform, the very top of her cleavage. Her eyes were sparkling, lips parted even more as she began to heave for breath. Chie responded in kind… because she couldn't stop herself from letting the desire show through anymore. Even if it wasn't actually desire for the person in front of her, at least it came across like she was playacting for the sake of aiding their classmate.

"To make all your wildest dreams come true. Listen…" One hand still holding Chie's, she let the other one raise up to graze well-manicured fingernails up and down along the inside of her forearm. Goosebumps raced over her skin. "I've been thinking about this for a long time, and…" She feigned being shy, biting her lip and looking away.

"And?" Chie prompted hastily, riding the edge as Yukiko sped up her efforts. A quick glance over showed she was curious to see what might happen next.

Looking back up, the normally snooty girl leaned so close their noses were almost touching, voice dipping down into a husky whisper. "And I want… you to be my first. Will you claim my body?"

Well damn.

This orgasm was the hardest yet, and it bowled over Chie with such a force she had no way to prepare. A moan started to burble up past her lips, and had just barely begun when she belatedly realised that even though her entire mind was consumed with the taboo of this activity, with the sheer potency of the climax itself, she still had to keep the whole diner from figuring out what they were doing. What a nightmare, what an impossible situation!

Which she made worse, because in her Cro-magnon brain's efforts to stop the noise, it sought the easiest avenue possible when there was a set of pouty lips a mere inch away from her own.

"MM!" Ai grunted when she felt the kiss begin, the hand holding Chie's clamping down hard so that her nails bit into the skin of her palm. But when Chie grasped it back just as hard, she sort of… melted. Just for a few seconds, they were really kissing each other while Chie's climax made her hips roll against the punishing fingers, milking that moment for all it was worth.

Then Ai drew back and smacked her across the face.

"OW!" she yelped, completely shocked. "Wh-what-"

"EXCUSE YOU!" she gasped out, cheeks flaming red now despite her furious expression. "This was supposed to be acting, not with… with actual… th-that was too far!"

Though Yukiko looked quite thoughtful, she still put in, "Actors kiss all the time. Even in school plays. I think she was just really into the scene."

"Y-yeah," said a dazed Chie, brain too foggy from orgasm afterglow and the stunning blow to her face to say much more.

"W-well, I… I didn't say we could do that, so it was very rude to do it without asking!" The prissy girl pushed her hand into her mouth. "GOD, I kissed a girl and I didn't even hate it — I'm a yuri. At least she didn't steal my first kiss! Then I would be really mad, you don't even know!"

"She didn't?" Yukiko asked curiously, even while smirking playfully at the flustered Chie. Apparently, they would be talking about this at great length later. "Who was your first kiss?"

"Some boy I- oh, nevermind! Screw you two perverts, you're crazy!" She hastily got up from the table, then stumbled a little before sitting back down. "UGH! And if I didn't take off my shoe earlier, I could have stormed out of here and looked much cooler! DAMN it, I'm having the worst day!"

                                                         To Be Continued…

[thetwominuteshate-blog]

Hello, cruel world.

I am exhausted with living on this earth.

I could throw literary quotes at you. I could tell you that society at large has become what the dystopian science fiction authors of yesteryear predicted it would. I could start this blog with a call to arms, urging you to riot in the streets and tear down the prison we've built for ourselves.

But the truth is I'm just tired. I'm tired of constantly living in fear. I'm tired of feeling no connection with the world around me. I'm tired of seeing so much suffering that spans continents, in "the greatest nation in the world", while criminals look down on us with derision from their ivory towers. I am tired of feeling as though, no matter what I do, my decisions are of no consequence. I'm tired of the world slowly eroding me until there is nothing good left in me. I'm tired of feeling alone, and I am so, so tired of seeing the world as it could be--as it SHOULD be--and always coming up so short I can't even see the finish line.

I've been rejecting the reality I've found myself in for far too long, escaping into worlds of my own making or the worlds others have created for the sake of escaping my own despair. But it doesn't have to be this way. I still reject this reality, the efficient brutality of a race that has been born into an environment so unforgiving that we fail to put our own violent natures behind us. I reject the notion that the world cannot improve. I have had enough.

Those of you who have read George Orwell's 1984 might remember the Two Minutes Hate. For those of you who haven't or have forgotten, the Two Minutes' Hate is a daily ritual put in place by a maddeningly restrictive government with the intention of directing the fear and anger of common individuals living in such a repressive society by placing them in front of a television screen that projects images of whomever the Party deems is an enemy. The Other. When I first read it, this excerpt in particular stood out to me:

"The horrible thing about the Two Minutes Hate was not that one was obliged to act a part, but that it was impossible to avoid joining in. Within thirty seconds any pretence was always unnecessary. A hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one's will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp."

These days, most of what I see in the media is the Two Minutes Hate. Talking heads on two dimensional screens telling us who we should hate. Vicious propaganda that those who lack the will to fight the ones keeping them locked in misery buy into wholeheartedly. Instead of directing their rage at the ones responsible, people punch down, ostracizing people less fortunate than them.

But this isn't the reason why I chose to name this blog after the Two Minutes Hate. Because hate is a funny thing--when we don't let it eat away at us, it gives us the strength to fight without abandon. It causes us to reduce things to rubble and burn the remains so there is no trace of its existence. It can be a powerful tool. But it is fire, and most of us, if not all, aren't well enough equipped with the knowledge to know which things are worth burning.

I've been filled with hate nearly for as long as I can remember. Full disclosure: I'm a 27-year-old white, bisexual cis male. For most of my life I lived in a small town and have largely kept myself in seclusion due to bullying throughout my childhood into my teen years. I only recently became aware of the deepening aspects of my sexuality, but over the years I've faced baseless accusations of homosexuality to the point that a cowardly bully had his friend fight me. As a result, I faced suspension. My school district, like most, put on a public face that disavowed bullying, but enabled it when it occurred. The culture I was surrounded by swam in toxic masculinity, boys that pretended to be men through the ownership of trucks flying the Confederate flag and other meaningless, superficial displays of their own insecurities. My "community", which is so very important to conservative culture, treated me like a stubborn weed long before I could even grasp cruelty. I felt suffocated, unable to flourish because there was always someone watching my every move. As a result, I've come to loathe authority in all its forms.

That's just backstory, though. Over the years I've come to realize that my circumstances were relatively fortunate. I'm privileged; people have been murdered over the merest suspicion that they might be gay. There are people who face severe bullying on a near-daily basis, and that's in this country alone. The atrocities committed in our world's history dwarf mine to a subatomic level. I've had friends who have been raped, faced child and domestic abuse, and even now are in circumstances far more dire than my own. It's no longer for my own sake that I hate, it's for those who are beaten down and cannot fight back, whether on an individual or cultural basis.

I'm not here to play white, straight(ish) savior. In fact, I wouldn't even consider myself to be an ordinary person. I am on the verge of mental instability--for years I've felt the effects of severe depression, which is finally in check. For a time I was so suicidal that I abused substances on a daily basis because the only calming thoughts I had in sobriety were of my own death. I have a deep desire to hurt and destroy, to get back at the world that I feel cut me open and left me to bleed out. I'm a sadist and a masochist in the BDSM scene. I have twisted fantasies that run so deeply to my core and no outlet for them outside of the scene. I want to make others suffer for the injustices they inflict upon those who are undeserving of pain. Because whoever came up with the idiom, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" should have been tortured without cause, broken by suffering that held no ultimate meaning. Then he'd have a greater grasp on the state of the reality as it is.

Hate is addictive. Orwell was right; it spreads like a wildfire, and it's impossible not to be caught in the blaze yourself unless you sequester yourself with comfort and ignorance. And turning a blind eye to the problems others face, whether it's next door or on the other side of the globe, is possibly worse. Until now, I've feared the repercussions of acting against authority, the odds of my successful retribution stacked heavily against me. Even now, I fear the things I will express will draw fire from all sides, so I'm shielding myself through an anonymity browser in order to ward off potential enemies, whether they are a collective agency like the NSA or some alt-right IT cunt with internet access. Those of us in the United States have been officially granted a right to free speech, but we live in an era in which seizing that right can go so far as to get you killed, especially if you call for progress and your voice is heard by millions.

But my end goal is not society's complete collapse. There are pieces of this world worth preserving. I may only be useful for tearing things down, but someday I hope someone will build them back up into something better that works for all people. I long to help individuals understand that all people are just that--people. Not secondary or tertiary characters in your life, good-or-evil projections onto a screen for you to scream at. It's this mentality that causes entire populations to suffer, and I know my work will never be done until the most marginalized find a place in society.

But this is not a call to empathy. Part of recognizing each other's humanity is holding each other accountable for their actions. I believe no person can be perfectly good--we all do terrible things, myself thoroughly included--but there are those of us who are so mindlessly destructive in their actions that I honestly believe the world would be better off without them. This quality of malignance does not discriminate between race, gender, or age. We are among self-made monsters on a daily basis, and they deserve as much sympathy as they dole out.

Words without action are meaningless. I don't intend to sit here and tell y'all to start a French-style bloodletting while I sit comfortably in a downtown loft. This is a time for action. This is a time for violence. This is a time to stand up against the birth of fascism in the so-called "Land of the Free". This is a time for hate.

I am Winston Smith, and this is my Two Minutes Hate. This is my war. Will you join me?

[prettysherlocksoldier]

Dani I'm sending you the "I can't do this" prompt.. I hope it inspires you 💗 and spreads the happy faces 🤗

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No. Nope. Can’t.”

“Yes you can, just like we practiced.”

“That was you, not Sherlock bloody Holmes!” John waved a hand down the corridor to where the man in question was bent over his bookbag, swapping textbooks into his locker. “It’s easy asking you out.”

“Cheers,” Greg deadpanned, but smiled when John rolled his eyes with a huff.

“You know what I-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Greg dismissed with a wave, “but the words aren’t any different. You just go up and say ‘Hey, this project has been a lot of fun. Wanna see if we have chemistry?’” He clapped his hands together, stretching them out to his sides as he tipped his head with a grin. “Eh?”

John’s shoulders slumped.

“Alright, so maybe you leave the pun out of it,” Greg muttered, shrugging. “I don’t get it, mate, why are you so twisted up over this one? You’re the last person I expected to ever need dating advice.”

John sighed, his locker jangling as he leaned back against it, tipping his head at the ceiling. “I don’t know,” he said, skull grinding into the cool metal as he shook his head. “It just feels different.”

Greg let out a shrill croon. “Ooo, is our Johnny Boy in love!” He leaned forward, making kissing noises in the air until John whacked him in the sternum, sending him into a fit of coughs.

“No,” he said firmly, “I just…don’t wanna screw anything up. We’ve gotten to be good friends.”

“So I noticed,” Greg muttered, massaging his chest. “I’ve damn near been usurped. Two of you watching movies into the sunset together.”

“I tried to call you!”

“I’m kidding,” Greg chuckled, nudging him on the arm. “I know my best friend card doesn’t expire. We have something pure.” He lifted a hand to his heart, sniffling with melodrama, a grin cracking over his face when John snorted. “Seriously though, just march over there and say- Sherlock!”

John blinked at the overhead light, dropping his chin with a frown. “Sherlock what?”

“Greg,” a low voice greeted at his right, and John jumped, slamming back against the locker. Sherlock’s forehead furrowed under rain-frazzled curls, blue eyes sweeping John’s face. “Sorry,” he murmured, glancing between them, “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

John shook his head, straightening up and trying to regain some of his dignity. “No, you-you didn’t.”

“We were actually just talking about you,” Greg oh-so-helpfully interjected, beaming back at John’s glare. “John wanted to ask you something.”

Sherlock turned to him, brow lifting, John barely getting his mouth open before Greg chimed in again.

“Oh, is that the time!?” he exclaimed, looking down at a watch that wasn’t there. “I’ve gotta get to French.”

“That’s not for another half hour,” Sherlock said, checking his actual timepiece, and Greg shrugged, backing away from them toward the stairwell.

“Yeah, but sometimes Ms. Ward gets there early.” He winked, darting away from them as Sherlock chuckled, John trying to swallow the knot in his throat.

“Anyway,” he muttered, shaking his head and looking to John, “what did you want to ask?”

John’s lips parted, a croaking sound emanating from the back of his throat. “Nothing really,” he muttered, mind scrambling. “Just…wondered how you were getting on with the conclusion.”

“Oh,” Sherlock said, a pinch in his brow John might have interpreted as disappointment if he’d had longer than a blink to examine it, “fine. I can email it to you tonight, if you want to look it over.”

“No, I- Friday’s fine.” He shook his head. “I trust you,” he added with a smile, trying to undercut the awkwardness he knew he was creating.

Sherlock smiled, tucking his chin and adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “Well, I have class, but do you want to get together after and look over everything one more time?” he asked, glancing at his watch again. “If you don’t mind hanging around. You’re done for the day, aren’t you?”

John nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t mind.” He shrugged, patting the messenger bag on his hip. “Give me a chance to start on some homework.”

“Alright,” Sherlock replied. “Wanna meet in the lounge at half 1?”

John wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. “Naw, too stuffy. How ‘bout that cafe on the corner? I’ll try to snag a table before the lunch crowd comes in.”

Sherlock twitched a shoulder. “Works for me. See ya then,” he said, and, with a flick of his wrist, turned away and started down the corridor, disappearing into the crowd of milling students.

John sighed, falling back against his locker with a clang.

Why were study dates so much easier than the real thing?

He snuck into the cafe just before the lunch rush of businessmen and chatting mothers, snagging a small table in the corner, far from the autumn draft whistling through the door. Pulling out his laptop, he made a show of looking busy, idly clicking through pages of their A-level Chemistry project while his gaze truly lingered on the door, awaiting a tall dark figure. He finished his first coffee within the hour, the crowd dwindling as he returned to the counter, keeping an eye on his things and joining the line for the register.

The bell over the door chimed behind him, and he turned, finding Sherlock flipping a wind-ruffled curl out of his eyes, smiling as he found John’s gaze.

“In the corner,” John said simply, pointing toward his open laptop. “I’ve already got the project up. What do you want?”

Sherlock frowned, and then shook his head. “I can get it,” he said, but John only smiled, waving a hand.

“No sense us both waiting in line. You can get the next one.”

A corner of Sherlock’s mouth lifted, and he nodded, tucking the half-drawn wallet back into his pocket. “Alright. Just a black coffee, two sugars. Maybe a medium?” he asked, as if for permission, and John smiled, shooing him away.

“Go guard my computer; it’s new,” he ordered, and Sherlock chuckled, shaking his head but obeying.

John watched as he scuttled between the chairs, dropping his bag beside John’s on the patterned tile floor. He gently lifted John’s computer, turning it to face his chair, and braced an elbow on the wood, balancing his chin on his palm as he began clicking through their project, brow wrinkling in thought.

His phone buzzed not a moment too soon, his staring about to cross the creepy threshold, and John shuffled up a place in line, wriggling his mobile from his pocket.

Did you ask him yet?

John rolled his eyes, swiping out a retort.

No. No thanks to you

I was creating an opportunity

You were creating an ulcer

Agree to disagree

John huffed, tucking the phone back in his pocket as he reached the register, completing his order and moving to the edge of the counter to wait, Greg sending a few more messages in the interim.

It’s gonna get harder the longer you wait. Half term is coming up. Who knows what will happen then.

He goes yachting with his family in the Mediterranean. Meets a tan young stranger who’s worth millions in olive oil.

They float off into the sunset eating said olive oil.

John chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

Are you just hungry or harboring secret gay fantasies I should know about?

We’re all a little gay for olive oil millionaires

John snorted, turning it into a cough as the woman waiting beside him glared.

I don’t think we all are Gregory

Quit trying to change the subject

I’m not, I’m trying to love and support you in your gay olive oil dreams

You’ve just gotta rip the bandaid off

Would you go to uni down there or would you two try the long distance thing?

Just ask him out. Then one way or the other you’ll know.

Either way you should move there after graduation, give me an escape from winter

You’re not invited to my gay olive oil villa until you ask out Sherlock Holmes

But I was best man at your wedding!

I gotta go, we’re heading out on our yacht: Extra Virgin. Ask him out!!!!

John sighed, moving to tuck the phone back into his pocket when it buzzed a final time.

And don’t forget the details

“John?” The barista dropped two cups to the counter, John turning his smile up with a nod.

“Thank you,” he bade, sweeping them up and making his way to their table, scanning the sides of the cups for distinguishing marks. “Alright, I think this one’s yours,” he said, hovering a cup down at Sherlock’s shoulder, “but, if it tastes like 90% milk, it’s probably my latte.”

Sherlock didn’t reply, John looking past the cup to find the man blinking up at him, cheeks pink and eyes wide, his lips pressed together in a tight line.

“Are you alright?” he asked, lowering Sherlock’s cup to the table and glancing at the page of their project currently displayed on the screen. “Okay, the graphs are pretty bad,” he admitted with a tilt of his head. “I haven’t figured out what all the buttons do yet; I’ve only had PCs before.”

“No, it- It’s not-” Sherlock muttered, closing his mouth as a swallow rolled down the front of his throat. He looked away, turning back to the computer, his finger sliding over the mousepad to click on a background window.

John’s fingers forgot their job, the coffee sliding a couple centimeters in his grip before his brain reestablished communication, his heart being a little slower on the uptake, stalled in his chest as he read through his conversation with Greg. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out, his tongue undecided on if it wanted to lie or scream.

Sherlock’s head turned in his peripheral vision, but John couldn’t look at him, couldn’t move, the blood rushing to his face making him dizzy enough already. “I- Er…” He swallowed again, the click of it snapping in John’s ears. “We don’t go yachting,” he muttered, and John blinked, certain he’d fainted and was now hallucinating, “and…I’m free on Saturday.”

His heart kicked against his ribs. “What?” John murmured, dropping his gaze, and Sherlock smiled, cheeks darkening anew as he looked down at his hands twisting in his lap.

“Well,” he said, shrugging a shoulder, eyes glinting when he lifted his chin, sending John’s heart into cartwheels, “I do owe you a coffee.”

///credit to @mssmithlove1 for confirming how Apple products work///

[leakedinlondon]

Hey Courtney I'm going on my first over seas flight in 5 days time (like 20 hours or something with a brief lay over???) and I'm in desperate need of book recs. 21 year old female I like Harry Potter, dystopian future stuff, gay stuff especially wlw and also really love shitty cheesey light hearted stuff like Janet Evanovich. Would love your opinion!

tragically, i hav not read a lot of wlw books bc i’m a picky bitch about genres and a lot of the ones i know about are realistic fiction which i ain’t big on but i do recommend checking out Malinda Lo i rly like Adaptation which features a bi love triangle and aliens and has a part where some dude is talking about aliens and just starts humming the x files theme and that dude is me also i have heard v good things about Ash and Huntress but my bookstore doesn’t sell them and i’m like???? why

ok SO i hav a v v long dystopian masterpost if ur down to go through it but i’ll give u my faves from it here!!!!

Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness

Prentisstown isn't like other towns. Everyone can hear everyone else's thoughts in an overwhelming, never-ending stream of Noise. Just a month away from the birthday that will make him a man, Todd and his dog, Manchee -- whose thoughts Todd can hear too, whether he wants to or not -- stumble upon an area of complete silence. They find that in a town where privacy is impossible, something terrible has been hidden -- a secret so awful that Todd and Manchee must run for their lives.

these books!!!! are everything!!!!! if you haven’t read them u 100% should i swear they’re so fkn good

Unwind by Neal Shusterman

The Second Civil War was fought over reproductive rights. The chilling resolution: Life is inviolable from the moment of conception until age thirteen. Between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, however, parents can have their child "unwound," whereby all of the child's organs are transplanted into different donors, so life doesn't technically end. Connor is too difficult for his parents to control. Risa, a ward of the state, is not enough to be kept alive. And Lev is a tithe, a child conceived and raised to be unwound. Together, they may have a chance to escape and to survive.

i would die for Lev literally die for him at any given second this is also a very good series

The Passage by Justin Cronin

An epic and gripping tale of catastrophe and survival, The Passage is the story of Amy—abandoned by her mother at the age of six, pursued and then imprisoned by the shadowy figures behind a government experiment of apocalyptic proportions. But Special Agent Brad Wolgast, the lawman sent to track her down, is disarmed by the curiously quiet girl and risks everything to save her. As the experiment goes nightmarishly wrong, Wolgast secures her escape—but he can’t stop society’s collapse. And as Amy walks alone, across miles and decades, into a future dark with violence and despair, she is filled with the mysterious and terrifying knowledge that only she has the power to save the ruined world.

haven’t gotten around to reading the last book in this series yet but they are seriously epic like i swear this series is something else entirely

Maggot Moon by Sally Gardner

What if the football hadn’t gone over the wall. On the other side of the wall there is a dark secret. And the devil. And the Moon Man. And the Motherland doesn’t want anyone to know. But Standish Treadwell — who has different-colored eyes, who can’t read, can’t write, Standish Treadwell isn’t bright — sees things differently than the rest of the "train-track thinkers." So when Standish and his only friend and neighbor, Hector, make their way to the other side of the wall, they see what the Motherland has been hiding. And it’s big...One hundred very short chapters, told in an utterly original first-person voice, propel readers through a narrative that is by turns gripping and darkly humorous, bleak and chilling, tender and transporting.

this book broke my damn heart and ruined my life but oh my god it’s so good also a lil gay but like i said sad but it’s more 2 do with the setting like.... it doens’t have a happy ending but it felt right like that?????

More Than This by Patrick Ness

A boy drowns, desperate and alone in his final moments. He dies.Then he wakes, naked and bruised and thirsty, but alive.How can this be? And what is this strange deserted place?As he struggles to understand what is happening, the boy dares to hope. Might this not be the end? Might there be more to this life, or perhaps this afterlife?

this is my favorite book!!!!!! i would die for it!!!! i want to buy enough copies to fill an entire room of my house so i can just sit in it and cry!!!! this book is literally everything!!!! also gay!!!! she’s also sad but like...... i cannot express in words how much u need to read this damn book 

Bird Box by Josh Malerman

Something is out there, something terrifying that must not be seen. One glimpse of it, and a person is driven to deadly violence. No one knows what it is or where it came from.Five years after it began, a handful of scattered survivors remains, including Malorie and her two young children. Living in an abandoned house near the river, she has dreamed of fleeing to a place where they might be safe. Now that the boy and girl are four, it's time to go, but the journey ahead will be terrifying: twenty miles downriver in a rowboat--blindfolded--with nothing to rely on but her wits and the children’s trained ears. One wrong choice and they will die. Something is following them all the while, but is it man, animal, or monster?

another one of my all time faves!!!!!! i don’t even know what to say this is a masterpiece

ok so here we move on to the more fantasy and gay stuff these are less sad 

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone...A convict with a thirst for revengeA sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wagerA runaway with a privileged pastA spy known as the WraithA Heartrender using her magic to survive the slumsA thief with a gift for unlikely escapes Kaz's crew are the only ones who might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

this is.... so good.... also a little gay... hav heard the second book in the series is gayer but i haven’t read her yet

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

That's what his roommate, Baz, says. And Baz might be evil and a vampire and a complete git, but he's probably right. Half the time Simon can't even make his wand work, and the other half, he sets something on fire. His mentor's avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there's a magic-eating monster running around wearing Simon's face. Baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here - it's their last year at Watford School of Magicks, and Simon's infuriating nemesis didn't even bother to show up. Carry On is a love letter to love stories and the power of words - to every 'chosen one' who ever had more on their mind than saving the world...

this book is literally just harry potter but gay and i’m still laughing i love it

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

The monster showed up after midnight. As they do.But it isn’t the monster Conor’s been expecting. He’s been expecting the one from his nightmare, the one he’s had nearly every night since his mother started her treatments, the one with the darkness and the wind and the screaming…This monster is something different, though. Something ancient, something wild. And it wants the most dangerous thing of all from Conor.It wants the truth.

can u tell i’m a fan of patrick ness i’m going to fucking fist fight him for this piece of shit like.... this book.... is about a little kid..... whose mother has cancer....... like u know it’s gonna be a fucking bad time but u read it anyway and u cry like a fucking baby but u enjoy the whole damn thing because u hate urself.... it’s a beautiful read but it hurts (((also yes there is a Literal Monster hanging around))

The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater

Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble.But Gansey is different. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little.For as long as she can remember, Blue has been told by her psychic family that she will kill her true love. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

the description of this book doesn’t do it justice and i hate it i love these books i love my stupid raven kids i mainly love adam parrish who i would die for in a second ((also gay)) ((please read them if u haven’t i love adam so much he’s worth it)) ((the other characters are also amazing and i lov them too))

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

Children can have a cruel, absolute sense of justice. Children can kill a monster and feel quite proud of themselves. A girl can look at her brother and believe they’re destined to be a knight and a bard who battle evil. She can believe she’s found the thing she’s been made for.Hazel lives with her brother, Ben, in the strange town of Fairfold where humans and fae exist side by side. The faeries’ seemingly harmless magic attracts tourists, but Hazel knows how dangerous they can be, and she knows how to stop them. Or she did, once.At the center of it all, there is a glass coffin in the woods. It rests right on the ground and in it sleeps a boy with horns on his head and ears as pointed as knives. Hazel and Ben were both in love with him as children. The boy has slept there for generations, never waking.Until one day, he does…As the world turns upside down, Hazel tries to remember her years pretending to be a knight. But swept up in new love, shifting loyalties, and the fresh sting of betrayal, will it be enough?

Hazel is literally me okay there is a scene in this book where she’s at a fairy party and u kno how ur not meant to eat or drink anything fairies give u or ur fucked???? hazel ingests fucking fairy wine bc it was in the mouth of some fairy girl she was making out with and if that isn’t me i don’t know what is (((also that’s the only scene that she shows any interest in girls i am very sorry i don’t want to get ur hopes up))) ((ben on the other hand he is very gay and is also me they are both me i love these two idiots this book just makes me really happy)) 

[nerdygaymormon]

I need a bit of advice. I'm hoping to become an active advocate for the LGBT+ community within the Church, as I feel like the Lord has pretty much given me this as a calling. I wasn't to treat it seriously as a calling and try to do real, substantive work. However, I'm not certain how to start, and I'm scared of what will happen when I my extended family eventually finds out. They already struggle with me being disabled, what will happen when they find out I'm unrepentantly queer? Furthermore, I want my mom (who I live with and depend on) to be an ally to me, and she seems willing, but also scared of the reaction. She's also very lonely and I don't want to isolate her any more than she is by siding with me. Is my time not come yet? Is there something I should wait for? Are there things I need to do to prepare for the fallout? Should I tell my mom not to support me? I really appreciate you <3

The shade! "I wasn't to treat it seriously as a calling and try to do real, substantive work."

It's true a number of callings at church can be lacking much substance or done in a haphazard, hit or miss approach.

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In regards to your mom, usually your gut will guide you right. If you feel she'll be an ally, that's probably true. If you feel like it's dangerous to tell her, then there's a good chance that's true.

One way to test the waters is to bring up that you have a friend who came out as queer (lesbian, trans, etc) and you're glad they finally felt they could tell others. See what her reaction is. I do know that a parent almost always prefers to learn about something like this directly from their child rather than second-hand from someone else.

Your mom may find a new community to interact with and develop friendships with, online groups like Mama Dragons or Lift+Love, or even other parents in your ward and stake who have queer children. Coming out may make her life less lonely if she chooses to become an ally and engage with others.

One thing about coming out is you suddenly have a voice. Things you couldn't say before now can be spoken. Once you're out to your mom, you can tell her of this strong impression to help other LGBTQ+ people at church. You can let her know you want to be out to people at church.

You asked if there's things you can do to prepare or something you should wait for. The main thing is since you rely on your mom, you don't have to put yourself in danger if you think she'd respond negatively. However, my observation is when a person is wanting to come out and it thinking about it a lot, it's their time. It takes a lot of courage to do, there's never the "perfect" moment, and there's multiple ways to do it. Most queer people manage to come out and that's proof that we're a brave people.

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As for your extended family, what happens if/when they find out? Do they have such influence over you and your mother's life that they could make life difficult? If it's mostly you see them at family functions, the first time or two after they find out may be awkward, but usually people adjust and life moves on.

Last week someone told me that his approach to coming out to friends, extended family, and co-workers is he tells them what sort of reaction he wants from them and doesn't give them the chance to make it about themselves by asking what they're thinking or feeling. For example, "I have something important I want to share with you because I know you'll react in a positive, affirming way. I'm gay and it's an important part of who I am, and since we're friends I wanted to be sure you knew this about me."

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There is so much work to be done for LGBTQ+ people at church. You'll have to figure out with the Lord what you're to do.

For most such work, you'll have to come out as queer or as an ally. As scary as that is, it gives you power.

You can choose to tell people individually. If you want to come out to a wider group, you could make a post on social media, you can mention it in class. Once people know you're friendly to queer people, they will tend to find you.

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You're phrase that you're "unrepentantly queer," I like that. There's nothing to repent of simply because you're queer. I'm glad you know this.

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You're approaching an inflection point, which is an event that results in a significant change in your path & progress. Change involves risk and that can be uncomfortable. I wish you all the best.