#wanted to put G on here but he hasn’t done anything yet lol

[streetfarterturdstrike]

[inevitably-johnlocked]

STEPH I ACCIDENTLY REWATCHED TSOT AND NOW I'M FUCKING SOBBING. I JUST HAVEN'T WATCHED THE ACTUAL SHOW IN FOREVER AND FORGOT HOW SAD SHERLOCK LOOKS IN THIS EPISODE. GOD. so yeah i just wanted some fics where john & sherlock dance together, whether it be at a/their wedding, "for a case", some kind of ball, or my favorite- sherlock teaching john to dance. it's maybe one of my favorite situations/tropes in media. (also welcome back!! and i love you <3)

Hi Lovely!!!

AHHHH I’ve been putting a “dancing” list together before I even had a system in place to do my lists, so I’m going to use your ask as an excuse to finally post it because I can’t find the original ask, LOL LOL!!!

And to pad out the list, I’m adding any that I’ve tagged from my MFL List, so I hope you enjoy that, LOL.

As usual, add your own, friends!! Hope you enjoy!!!

DANCING

You Lead, I Lead, You Follow, I Follow by BrighteyedJill (M, 862 w., 1 Ch. || Fever, H/C, John Whump) – John wakes up after a chase gone wrong to find Sherlock watching over him, but he’s a little hazy on the details.

Velvet by headlessjess (G, 1,155 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Angst, Jealous Sherlock, Loneliness, Sad Fic) – It's the day, the wedding day - John and Mary, getting married. And then there's Sherlock, in pain and in love, without knowing how to deal with it.

Your love it feels so good by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 2,843 w., 1 Ch. || Gay Club / Gay Bar, Lingerie, Stripping, Anal) – Sherlock is last at a quiz night and is forced by Anderson to perform in a gay stripclub. John must be with him, because he will have to record the performance. Sherlock takes the task very seriously. Part 20 of The English job

Behind Closed Curtains by twisting_vine_x (G, 2,939 w., 1 Ch. || Dancing, Angst, Pre-Slash) – Set loosely during season two, when Sherlock and John are still, ahem, dancing around each other. Sherlock teaches John how to dance.

Unimpressed by 221b_hound (M, 3,106 w., 1 Ch. || New Year’s Eve, Dancing, Jealousy) – Sherlock has no intention of attending the Met's New Year's Eve party. The start of a new year is all but meaningless to him. But he ends up there anyway, having odd conversations, and John does not find Sherlock's jealousy the slightest bit cute. And then there is dancing. Part 10 of Unkissed

Every Step of the Way by Shi_Toyu (G, 3,795 w., 1 Ch. || Car Accident, John Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Caretaking, Pre-Slash) – When John is injured on a case, Sherlock can't forgive himself. Everyone expects him to give up on his flatmate and get bored, but he'll prove them all wrong by sticking with him...every step of the way.

No Good Without You by textsandscones (T, 4,021 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, Sherlock’s Violin, Dancing, Soppy Fluff) – A diverting new case surrounding musicians and stolen instruments captures Sherlock's attention, the consequences of which lead both detective and doctor to see one another in a different light. Part 1 of Prompt Fills

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

But Tonight You Belong to Me by esplanade (T, 4,296 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff & Angst, Pining, Stag Night, Sad Ending) – “You. It's always you. John Watson, you keep me right.”

The Dance Lesson by bittergreens (G, 4,596 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Missing Scene, Dancing, Pining Sherlock, URT/UST, Romance, Angst, POV John) – Sherlock teaches John to dip. Part 1 of Goodnight, Vienna

Sway by CrackedMetal (K+, 4,602 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Drama, Dancing, Mary is Nice, Canon Divergence, Song Fic) – Sherlock doesn't leave the reception and Mary wants the best friends to have a moment to talk… So she suggests a dance. Johnlock with a side of John/Mary.

Sherlock and John Go Clubbing by wendymarlowe (E, 4,716 w., 3 Ch. || Clubbing, Dirty Talk, Dancing, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Bi John, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Flirting, Sherlock is Lost for Words, Sexy John, Mutual Pining, Possessive John, Floor Sex) – John pinched the bridge of his nose - even for Sherlock, this was a new level of no bloody boundaries. “You want me to go with you to a gay club, wait around twiddling my thumbs while I let you get pawed by a criminal, then out-flirt him and talk you into coming home with me instead?” Part 32 of John and Sherlock's Kinky First Times

a very soft epilogue (my love) by darcylindbergh (E, 5,395 w., 3 Ch. || Retirement, Domestic Fluff, Dancing, Dogs, Grumpy Old Men) – Across the pillows, Sherlock shifts and hums, the creases of his face deepening and then smoothing before settling. John watches him wake up, his chest swelling with affection and fondness, and thinks he’ll never get tired of Sherlock in the mornings, sleepy and soft. It’s been some forty-odd years, and John hasn’t gotten tired of it yet. Part 5 of things fairy tales are made of

Second Waltz by Atiki (T, 6,685 w., 1 Ch. || MCD, Angst, Fluff, Cancer) – "The night I died, you wished I could wait for you."

What I Hide By My Language, My Body Utters by PixChuu22 (M, 9,047 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, For a Case, Friends to Lovers) - Based on a prompt from Tumblr user thetwogaydetectives - “fake relationship that ends up being so real, they finally realize they are in love.”

Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) (M, 10,862 w., 10 Ch. || For a Case, Gay Bar, Pining Sherlock, Coming Out, Slow Burn) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he's NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won't change anything between them. And then it does.

the first day of forever by darcylindbergh (E, 11,850 w., 8 Ch. || Est. Relationship, Domestics, Light Angst, Insecurity, Emotional H/C) – “I’m going to marry you,” John murmurs with against Sherlock’s smile, and they both giggle in the joy of it. “We’re getting married.” “Yes,” Sherlock says, just to hear himself say it out loud. “We are.” A June wedding. Part 4 of things fairy tales are made of

All the Girls Love a Soldier by Book7BrokeMyBrain (E, 12,951 w., 1 Ch. || Military Kink, Frottage, Domesticity, Post S3, Pining Sherlock, Kilt John, Wedding, Dancing) – John is invited to a stag party and a wedding. The related accoutrement suit Sherlock to a T.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt's Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John's family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn't understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John's request.

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Guilty Secrets by Ellipsical (E, 55,086 w., 16 Ch. || Drumsticks, First Kiss/Time, Love Confession, Self-Sexual-Discovery, Anal, Rimming, Orgasim Denial, Butt Plugs, Cooking, Furniture Sex, Bath Sex, Rimming, Double Penetration, Anal Beads, Dancing, Romance, Tantric Edging) – John has a prostate exam and discovers something surprising about himself. Experimentation follows. Sherlock wants to help. They're in love. You know the drill.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock POV, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

MARKED FOR LATER

He really can’t breathe. by Luna_sharp618 (NR, 696 w., 1 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Dancing, Sherlock Teaching John to Dance, TSo3 Fic) – In which Sherlock teaches John how to dip his dance partner for the wedding and has some pining thoughts.

The Gay Bar Scene that never was by MadSophHatter (T, 1,372 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3, Gay Bar Scene, Confused Sherlock, Jealous John, Humour) – The gay bar scene from The Sign of Three as I envisioned it. Featuring a confused Sherlock, halfnaked men, sexy dancing and John who is absolutely not jealous.

Tango by standbygo (M, 1,424 w., 1 Ch. || Different First Meeting, Dancing) – “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “Shut up and dance – a man’s alibi depends on it.”

Operation Synchronous by Daziechane (NR, 1,691 w., 1 Ch. || Dancer Sherlock, Lip Synch Battle, Abuse Of Umbrellas, Bets) – Sherlock never welches on a bet. That doesn't mean he'll give in easily, however.

on his mouth like liquor by chrysanthemumsies (T, 1,780 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3, Stag Night, Gay Bar, Romance, Dancing, First Kiss, Fluff) – The gay bar scene from Stag night that the creators didn't want to show! Pure crack with a bit of angst and a whole lotta fluff (if you squint). Sherlock and John on the dance floor - what's not to love?

Take me to Baker Street by MorganeUK (G, 2,087 w., 1 Ch. || Adult Ballet AU || Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Doctor John, Song Fic, Pre-Slash) – I always loved Sergei Polunin interpretation of Take me to the church so I decided to write a version where Sherlock is a ballet dancer in serious need of a doctor…

May I Have This Dance? by ScaryFairy13 (G, 2,297 w., 1 Ch. || Slow Dancing, Fluff, First Kiss, Wedding) – John drags Sherlock to Greg's and Molly's wedding. Dancing ensues as well as the discovery of certain sentimental feelings.

Under the Lights by CarmillaCarmine (E, 2,872 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Fix It, Stag Night, Gay Club, First Time, Dancing) – Following Sherlock’s map marked with all the streets where they had found a corpse, John and Sherlock stumbled into a gay club. Part 1 of TSoT Fix-It

Dirty by standbygo (E, 5,093 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, PWP, Dirty Dancing, Romance, Smut and Fluff) – “Yeah, I actually learned how to dance like that, like in the film. I was quite the hit at parties while the craze lasted. Some of Harry’s friends called me Johnny Castle, after the character. Or Swayze.” “Swayze? What kind of word is that?” John did not reply, but gazed at Sherlock, his lips pressed together but still smiling. After a moment, he stood and held out his hand to Sherlock. “Dance with me,” John said.

The Posh Purple Pirate (Enter My Life and Make Me Drown) by  Loveismyrevolution (E, 7,408 w., 1 Ch. || Exotic Dancer AU || Alternate First Meeting, Strangers to Lovers, For a Case, Lap Dancing, Hand Job, First Kiss, Pirate Sherlock, Drama Queen Sherlock, Dancer Sherlock) – When Mike Stamford invited him to a fun night out, John Watson never expected it would become such a wild ride - captivated by an enigmatic pirate his life suddenly gains speed in an unexpected direction. Part 1 of PirateDragQueenVerse

Life's Uneven Kilter by theslovenlyfool (T, 14,877 w., 4 Ch. || Canon Divergence S3, BAMF John, Secretly Married, Camp Gay Sherlock, Dancing, John is a Good Actor, Fake Relationship, Mycroft Plays a Role) – "According to Sherlock, the game began on September 21, 2005 at precisely 10:37:04 am. John complained that, with that logic, the game had actually begun on January 7, 2000, at around 1:30 am. But for Sherlock, games are only fun when others are willing to play. What is a game without an adversary, after all? And what is a proper dash across London without a partner? Now, Sherlock thought as he assessed the doctor with the unforgivable cane, the game is on."

Thirteen Dances (Or, The Doctor Dances) by Knackorcraft (E, 17,544 w., 13 Ch. || Dirty Dancing, Tango, Ballet, Frottage) – John is a great dancer: we're talking all types. Not only is he able to pop and lock it, he's got some great ballet technique. He was best at lifting / holding girls.

The One Where Sherlock Doesn’t Ruin John’s Holiday by nutmeag83 (T, 18,898 w., 11 Ch. || Pre-TRF / S2 Timeline, Friends to Lovers, Cruise Ships, Vacation / Holidays, Fake Relationship, For Science, Bed Sharing, Cuddling/Snuggling, Mutual Pining, John POV, Minor Case Fic, Cooking, Dancing, Drunk Shenanigans) – John wins a cruise vacation for two and brings Sherlock along. But when it turns out to be a couples cruise, they have to pretend to be a couple themselves (for science). How many pretend kisses will it take before they can’t deny their feelings any longer?

Lockdown by johnwatso and Salambo06 (E, 23,376 w., 20 Ch. || Quarantine, COVID-19, Lockdown, Fluff, Parentlock, Reunion, Dancing, Soft Idiots, Sex Toys) – The world is in lockdown due to Covid-19. This is how Sherlock and John spend their time.

Dance With Me by Silvergirl (E, 24,813 w., 12 Ch. || Post TEH, Dancing, Met Charity Gala, Sally/Sherlock Friendship, No Mary, Fluff) – Sherlock rescues Sally Donovan, and in turn she tries to help him get John to stop faffing about and get on with Johnlock.

Mountebank by Odamaki (M, 26,514 w., 2 Ch. || Fake Relationship/Dating/Marriage, For A Case, Jealous John, Suits, House Party, Crack, Trapped, UST, Dancing, Idiots in Love, Confessions, Friends to Lovers) – “I am calm,” John snaps, leaning on the door to glare out at the dark streets around them. Sherlock’s not said where they’re going; all he knows is they came off the ring road to the west of London and have vanished somewhere into the depths of Berkshire. All he knows is that he’s been trussed up in a suit that wasn’t hired from anywhere and if brought new would edge up into the triple figure margins. “Be calmer,” Sherlock advises, with a trace of irony. “We’re going to a party.” Part 29 of the The Sherlexicon

Time Of My Life by fiveainley_ohmy (E, 29,719 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Dancing Fusion || Bisexual John, Dancing, Gay/Demi Sherlock) – John Watson takes his alcoholic sister to a summer camp in attempt to rehabilitate her. He didn't expect to fall in love with the dance instructor.

Brooklyn Heat, Summer Jazz by Zigster (E, 41,820 w., 10 Ch. || New York Ballet AU || Jazz Pianist John, Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Modern Setting, Brooding Sherlock , Confused John, Non-Linear Storytelling, Sexual Tension, Angst, Alcohol / Pot / Club Drug Use, First Time, Not-Good Mycroft, Happy Ending) – "There was, however, one thing that made it easier to stay on his piano bench every day. One thing that kept John Watson showing up to class on time, every morning at ten with a large thermos of honeyed tea and a conviction to see a job well done. His name was Sherlock Holmes and he was the most confounding and extraordinary thing John had ever come across - the most exotic of birds and the most unattainable of men."

Blond Barista Seeks Dashing Ballet Dancer: Inquire Within by prettysailorsoldier (E, 43,847 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock Coffee Shop AU || Rugby/Barista John, Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Fluff) – Between classes, his job at a local cafe, and being captain of the rugby team, John Watson's life is plenty stressful enough without the addition of a mysterious ballet dancer he can see through the windows of the dance studio across the street, but, somehow, he can't bring himself to mind.

My Pictures of You by 72reasons (E, 50,527 w., 19 Ch. || Fashion AU || Model Sherlock / Photographer John, Bisexual John, Gay Sherlock, Past Viclock, Past Warstan, Cocaine / Drug Use, Mary is Not Nice, Angst, Pining, Case Fic, Kidnapping, Human Trafficking, Past Jolto, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Oral / Anal, Fingering, Dancing, Non-Con Drug Use, Rimming) – John Watson, a photographer, gets an assignment to shoot gorgeous, young fashion model, Sherlock Holmes. He feels an instant connection, but Sherlock uses drugs and has an old friend who's just landed himself in a lot of trouble. When Sherlock comes to John for help, he reluctantly agrees. Angst, past loves, and insecurities threaten to end their budding romance, but ultimately love and trust wins out.

Focal Point by PuffleLock (E, 60,913 w., 13 Ch. || Post-TRF Divergence / Different Reunion, POV John, Slow Burn, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad Wank, Sherlock in Makeup, Dancing, Mentions of Torture / Depression / PTSD, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Scars, Rimming, Anal, Toplock, First Kiss / Time, Gay Sherlock / Bi John) – John comes home early from a medical conference to find that every once in awhile, Sherlock can surprise the hell out of him. Can John surprise him back?

A Moment's Surrender by anchors (M, 64,272 w., 10 Ch. || Dancer AU || Ballet Sherlock, Swing Dancer John, Angsty Fluff, Romance, Swing Dancing) – Sherlock tours worldwide with the English National Ballet. John dances the Lindy Hop competitively all across the globe. That they would meet, then, by the slimmest of chances in one lonely city, is pure coincidence. The whole 'dancing together' bit is a little more planned.

This Is Your Song by agirlsname (E, 79,990 w., 19 Ch. || Moulin Rouge Fusion || Prostitute Sherlock, Poet John, Acting, Singing, Dancing, Writing, Poetry, Musical, Song Fic, Heavy Angst, Unreliable Narrator, Sherlock is French, Love at First Sight, UST, First Kiss/Time, Frottage, Coming in Pants, Anal Sex, Switchlock, Clothed Sex, Crossdressing, Secret Relationship, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Terminal Illnesses, Grief/Mourning, Breakup/Makeup Sex, Past Drug Use, Attempted Rape, Canon-Typical Violence)– When John Watson is invalided home from the army in 1895, he moves to Paris to rediscover his writing and find a new meaning in life. His old friend Stamford invites him into a group of artist friends, and suddenly John finds himself auditioning to write a show for the famous brothel across the street. There, he meets the most beautiful man he’s ever seen - Sherlock, the star of the Moulin Rouge. But Sherlock is already promised to the investor of the show, the rich Duke Moriarty.

A Case of Identity – The Musical by shamelessmash (E, 83,147 w., 15 Ch. || 1950′s Hollywood AU || Musical, Case Fic, Undercover as an Actor, Dancing, Happy Ending, Kidnapping, Drugs, Fluff and Angst, Humour, Writer/Director John, Slow Burn / Romance) – A mysterious death on set causes chaos in Stamford productions latest movie. With the premiere date left unchanged, they must find a new lead actor and reshoot an entire movie in two months. Sherlock Holmes goes undercover as a lead actor in a Musical: a juggling act to solve a murder while singing, dancing and charming his way through 1950s Hollywood. The last thing he expected was to fall in love with the screenwriter along the way. Or as I like to call it: the case where Sherlock finally gets to dance. Based off this prompt.

Rewind by All_I_need (E, 87,593 w. || Fake/Pretend Relationship, Pining, Angst, Sharing a Bed, Dancing Lessons, Oblivious John) – About a month before John's wedding, he and Sherlock embark on one last case together: a murder at a remote hotel in the middle of nowhere. A lot can happen in a week. And a lot doesn't. But what if ...?

Rosethorne by suitesamba (M, 98,888 w., 28 Ch. || Secret Garden AU || Injured Sherlock / John, Recovery, First Times, Minor Character Death, Disability, Past Domestic Abuse [Mary/OMC]) – John Watson, WWII army doctor, is injured in the line of duty and can no longer wield a scalpel. Sherlock Holmes, Britain’s best code-breaker, is side-lined by his own devastating injury. In a work inspired by Frances Hodgson Burnett’s “The Secret Garden,” the two men must find meaning and purpose in a world which seems to have taken away all they hold most dear. But of course, it really hasn’t.

October to Hogmanay by snorklepie (E, 127,318 w., 25 Ch. || Post HLV Fix-It, Awkward First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Sherlock is a Mess, Shameless Smut, Sherlock’s Past, Scotland, Poison, Holmes Family, Kilts, Dancing, Angst) – John stared at Sherlock’s profile against the cab window and exhaled slowly. After a long moment, he reached out and touched Sherlock’s long fingers where they were fiddling with the button on his coat. The tall man didn’t look around again, but his fingers slowly unfurled before curling deliberately around John’s hand. Part 2 of Scotland

Shatter Me by Loveismyrevolution (E, 162,856+ w., 20/24 Ch. || WiP || Sherlock Dances, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Angst with Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Introspection, Mutual Pining, UST, Idiots in Love, Big Brother Mycroft, Implied Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions) – This is a story about two men trying to find their way back into the comfort of their companionship. No easy task in the aftermath of the events of Reichenbach, a wedding and a shot through the heart. They are facing a very rocky road ahead with a lot of introspection, misunderstandings, angst and pining. They each try to cope in their own particular way. Eventually, they'll find a way to communicate and learn about the true nature of their feelings.

[youngbloodlisk]

Favorite Student // Kim Sunwoo

"Do you find me sexually attractive?"

- did i rlly need to write another sunwoo smut?

- probably not

- professor sunwoo smut

- unprotected sex (plz don't be like my characters and be safe)

- not my best work lol but oh well

- for my lady ;)

I tug lightly on my sleeve, pulling it over half of my hand, as the room is suddenly at least two degrees colder.

I'm glad I was thinking ahead this morning. This classroom is always chilly.

Which it shouldn't be, given who the professor is.

Mr. Kim is a classic "every girl on campus wants to get in his pants" type of hot teacher.

He's attractive, that's objectively true, but I've never understood all the hype and how girls are always so horny for him. He just teaches English, it's not like he's talking dirty all day and wearing a stripper outfit. His usual attire is dress pants, a white dress shirt, and a suit vest. Standard shit.

His glasses adorn his face, and that part of the hype I can understand. Sometimes he takes the glasses off and bites the end when he's thinking, and I can't lie: it's pretty hot.

He dismisses class for the day, and I pack up my things in my bag. As I'm passing his desk, making my way towards the door, someone runs past me. They bump into me pretty hard and it causes me to lose my balance and fall over.

My bag opens in the process and all of my books, pens, notes, and personal items fall out onto the floor.

"You're fucking kidding..." I mutter under my breathe. I sigh and start to pick up pens.

Mr. Kim rushes out from behind his desk and starts helping me gather my things, picking up textbooks one by one.

"Are you alright? You took that fall pretty hard." His unique, soft, yet rough voice asks when everything is back in my bag. Honestly, it's a bit strange to hear anything non-lesson related some from his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. No harm done." Besides some embarrassment.

"Good. Wouldn't want my favorite student out of commission, would we?"

My heart stops for a moment and my eyes widen.

"Favorite student?"

"You're the best in the class."

"That's not true, tons of-" He cuts me off by shaking his head.

"Not what I mean. You may not be top of the class in grades, but you're the only one working hard genuinely. The rest of them just wanna impress me. I don't like people who wanna impress me. You're not like them."

"Oh..." That makes a lot more sense. "Well, thank you, Mr. Kim."

"Do you have a moment before your next class?"

"Um... yeah, I do. My next class isn't for another hour."

"Have a seat." He pulls a nearby chair up to his desk, right next to his. "I'd like to talk to you about your last assignment."

I sigh a bit, knowing I wasn't very confident in my work that assignment already.

I can't leave, I just told him I was free. Guess I'm getting my homework corrected...

I occupy the chair next to him and immediately notice his scent.

Some strange mix of wood, flowers, and fresh baked apple pie. It's beautiful. It's addictive.

"Overall you did pretty well analyzing and interpreting the story. There's just one section I wanna go over with you." I nod and he proceeds. "Right here. This section." He circles the small paragraph with his pen. "What all of this is really saying is that this woman is surprised by the man's real self, as she only knew him through a professional lens. Once she sees him on a more personal level, she's greatly attracted to him. Enough to kiss him, even though she still barely knows him and thought nothing of him only a single paragraph ago. When she sees him on a closer level, she still hasn't seen his personality or his deep thoughts or anything. She's just seeing him as... human. And she finds this human very sexually attractive. Do you understand?"

I nod, the assignment only half on my mind now.

I'm beginning to notice his hands, his lips...

He's a beautifully constructed man.

"I think I'm living it." I mutter, without thinking.

His eyes leave the paper in front of him and he looks at me with an interested gaze.

"Sorry, what was that?" My head snaps out of the trance I was in and returns to reality, realizing what I said.

"Nothing, Mr. Kim." I laugh nervously.

He takes his glasses off and twirls them in his fingers. His long, beautiful fingers...

"No, you said something. Something you probably shouldn't have said. Isn't that right?"

"I..."

He stares at my lips. The look in his eyes isn't unfamiliar in general, but it's very unfamiliar coming from him.

"Do you find me sexually attractive?"

I almost choke at the blunt nature of his question.

"Uh-"

He doesn't give me a chance to even respond.

"You never used to, did you? But now... that's different..." He's slowly leaning closer to me, his eyes still locked on my lips.

"Mr. Kim..."

"Sunwoo."

"What?" Instead of responding, he boldly presses his pink lips against mine. Once the immediate shock wears off, I can't help but kiss him back.

Remember how I said his scent is addictive? His lips, his taste... they make his scent seem like child's play.

The kiss heats up fast, and honestly I'm not totally sure which one of us escalates it by adding our tongues to the mix. It just happens.

Mr. Kim- Sunwoo places his hands on my waist and pulls me closer. I soon find myself straddling his waist, tangling my hands in his soft hair.

I don't know what makes me decide to move and kiss his jaw and his neck, but he definitely doesn't complain. In fact, he uses the opportunity to begin moving things on his desk.

He groans when I roll my hips, giving pressure and friction to his growing boner.

"You're a bold girl, are you? So dirty..." His hands hook under my thighs and he lifts me up, turning a corner so my landing place is the right side edge of his desk.

He reattaches his lips to mine and I hear him begin to unbuckle his belt before he stops and pulls away.

"Do you wanna stop? We don't have to go any further."

"No, I wanna keep going. I want you."

He smirks and kisses me again, continuing to unbuckle his belt.

I begin to work on my own button and zipper as I lay back on the desk, propping myself up with my elbows.

He wastes no time taking himself out of his underwear, and I feel a rush of wetness at the sight.

Sunwoo takes the waistbands of my jeans and my underwear in his fingers and pulls them down just enough to have full access to me, about to my knees.

"Second guessing?" He checks before doing anything else.

"Not at all." I shake my head, before letting out a whine when his fingers lightly run down my slit.

"You're so... beautiful." He almost whispers, in a breathy, soft tone.

He rubs his tip around my entrance before slowly, and carefully pushing into me.

My breath hitches and my eyes squeeze shut in reaction to his size stretching me out.

He can't hold back his own moans, my tightness enveloping him.

He bottoms out and stays still for a moment before moving.

His thrusts aren't rapid, but they're hard and deep.

Pleasure fills my body, my back arching slightly and my stomach tightening. Sunwoo is watching me intently, eyes full of lust.

His hands rest on my waist, holding me with a soft grip. A stark contrast to his rough thrusts.

"Can't you- g-get in trouble for this?" I choke out as clearly as I can.

"I don't care..." He speeds up his pace. I bring one of my hands up to my mouth to smother the cry threatening to come out. "I'm... I'm getting close... where should I-"

"I'm on the pill, just keep going."

"Are you sure?"

"Cum in me, Sunwoo, p-please-" I stutter through my response. "Make me remember this f-for the rest of the... the day."

"Oh, I'll make sure you remember this for far longer than that..."

"I'm getting close, Sunwoo-"

"Cum for me, angel." That was all I needed for the knot in my stomach to snap and unravel. Only a moment later, I feel something warm spill into me and Sunwoo groans.

He pulls out and neither of us speak or move for a minute, both of us trying to catch our breath.

Carefully, he puts himself away, having nothing around to clean off with.

"Guess I'll have to wait until I get home." He shyly chuckles.

"Me too." I remark, using any last bit of energy to slowly pull my own pants back up my legs.

"So... do you think you understand that paragraph?"

I cover my face with my hands.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I definitely get where that woman was coming from. Talking with someone personally can change a lot."

"Good." He glances at his watch. "You should get going, you don't wanna be late for your next class. You've only got ten minutes."

"You're right, I should..." I pick my bag up from the floor next to the desk. The desk that I will never look at the same way again. "Um.... thanks for the... help." I stumble over my words awkwardly, as I walk backwards towards the door.

"Maybe I can help you again sometime." He throws me a wink before focusing his attention on actual work.

I feel my stomach fill with butterflies at the thought, and I'm just hoping no one asks why my face is so red.

Or why I look a bit disheveled.

[stefanswhcre]

Stefan fucking you from the behind while you are on a call with Caroline headcanons

summary: Stefan’s horny after seeing you work on the dishes, and he doesn’t care that you are on a phone with Caroline.

genre: smut

warnings: smut, kinda dom!stefan, risky sex (the reader is on a call with caroline), unprotected sex, mentions of edging, choking, slight degradation, language, mentions of blood, implied smut again.

a/n: SKSKSKSK i had the idea to write this after i read my recently posted imagine. Do lol, I’m glad that I’m more active than before and I’m making new content often. But since my tenth is here I’m posting this shit to keep my blog alive. Bc then i have exams soon and I won’t be much active. So like have fun with this. And these may be the only imagines I post in a while and I’m so fucking sorry for that. Anyways, I hope yall like this and I’m sorry if this is terrible!!!

inspired by my imagine.

*gif not mine*

Masterlist

Okay so like, you are working on your dishes, while also talking to Caroline on the phone.

She’s like busy ranting to you about her boyfriend Tyler, and how they’re always fighting and all.

You aren’t speaking much, letting her rant while you nod along to everything she says, and putting a little “he shouldn’t have done that,” randomly.

So like then, Stefan walks into the kitchen, wanting to take a blood bag from the refrigerator because he’s super hungry.

Then, his eyes wander off to your barely covered butt, and his mouth begins to water.

He has a flashback of last night and how he fucking ruined you.

And oh god, he’s horny again.

So he just walks up to you, puts his arms around your waist, caging you in them.

You smile as he leaves small kisses on your neck and jawline.

Because it looks so innocent right? It isn’t though.

His kissing turns into sucking, and you purse your lips together, to keep yourself from moaning in pleasure and risk Caroline hearing you both being horny.

Stefan’s hands start slipping upward to your chest, and unbuttoning your button up dress.

His other hand slips right under your dress, sliding off your panties down your legs, and you kick them off, leaving your pussy only being shielded by your too small dress.

You are letting out soft, inaudible gasps of pleasure, being too scared that the blonde over the phone would hear anything.

Then you hear the sound of a belt unbuckling, and you just know that Stefan is about to fuck you.

He dips in to fingers into your heat, checking how wet you are.

And oh god you are practically dripping on his fingers.

He smirks to himself, and then kisses your earlobe, teasing you even further.

“That wet huh? Looks like someone’s needy today,” he whispers in your ear.

You nod along to his words, you both knowing that you can never get enough of him.

“Well lucky for you, I’m super horny today,”

And then before you know it, his long, rock-hard dick is stuffed inside you, completely stretching you out.

You let out a throaty moan as he slides inside you, not being able to control your mouth.

It’s not your fault he’s so fucking big.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Caroline asks.

“Yeah, yeah I am,” you answer her.

Oops.

Then Stefan takes your throat in his hands, knocking the air out of your lungs.

“One more noise, and I’m gonna fucking edge you. Got it?”

Oh god, you definitely do not want to get edged. Especially by Stefan.

This man has a fucking P.H.D in edging and you do not want to be his victim.

So you nod at his words, getting out a small “got it” out of your mouth.

He finally lets go of your throat and slowly starts thrusting into you.

You are letting out small whimpers and gasps filled with pleasure, as he has his face buried in your neck, letting out small groans and grunts along the way.

The dishes by now are long forgotten as you’ve already turned off the running tap.

“Tyler yelled at me,” Caroline complains.

You are planning to let out a small “mhm” at her words but then Stefan whispers a “don’t be rude. Just answer her doll,” in your ear.

And you both know that he’s not asking you to do it. He’s fucking ordering you.

And trust me on this one. You do not want to disobey Stefan Salvatore. Especially not when he’s horny and hungry.

So you open your mouth to answer her.

But then Stefan acts like a little asshole and starts rubbing your clit into figure eights.

“She’s waiting for you to say something Y/N,”

“Tha- That’s not very nice thing to do Care,” you reply, and then bite back a moan, when the tip of Stefan’s dick hits your G-spot.

“I know right!”

Soon enough, you start feeling closer to your orgasm.

And you know that Stefan knows this, since your walls are literally squeezing on his cock.

But he’s nowhere even near close.

Your pace is a lot faster than him.

“You gonna cum? You’re gonna fall apart on my cock? God you’re such a cumslut,”

you just let out short whines at his words, too hung up on the feeling you’re getting right now to respond to him with words.

He then pinches your clit, and that is what triggers your orgasm.

You grip the hand he has on your hips tightly, your nails digging into the flesh and drawing out blood.

Whispery moans are coming out of your mouth as your face upturns into a frown as you cum, his dick still moving in and out of your hole.

You are clenching hard on him, and it is now that he’s getting close to his own orgasm.

His thrusts get more and more faster, chasing his own high, and you feel nearing yourself a second orgasm. And it hasn’t even been five minutes since you last came.

“Ste- Stefan, oh my god! I’m gonna fucking cum again,” you yelp out in pleasure as his cock is repeatedly hitting your g-spot.

“Let’s come together,” he whispers in your ear, making you nod.

He finally spills inside you as you approach your second orgasm, and now he’s completely filling you up.

Stefan knows you’re about to expose yourself to Caroline, so he shuts you up by pulling you into a kiss and swallowing your moans.

And then soon enough, he pulls out of you, putting his pants back on, and helping you stay on your feet as you’re about to trip over the sink.

Stefan literally knows it’s his fault that you can’t even stand up on your own now, and he’s fucking proud of his achievements.

You smile up to him lazily, placing your lips on his and pecking them lightly.

“Oh baby, we’re not done yet,” he simply says before walking off and smirking at you.

And now, you just want more.

“Caroline, can I call you back later?”

[americankimchi]

ok and I GET the concept of attachments leading to vulnerability and therefore weakness but to impose that on a CHILD who so desperately needs a family, someone he could bond with, its honestly tragic. and since qui gon isnt there to do it anymore it falls on obi wan, whos basically a kid himself, whos dealt with rejection his whole life, and how can you expect him to provide anything, much less mentor a padawan?? idk i just have so many FEELINGS abt this and can’t put it into proper words lol

okay you know what i think that’s on qui gon because why!!! would you make the decision to rip a child away from his home like that so quickly!!! i get that they were making a movie and thus needed to speed things along for pacing reasons but COME ONNNNN

i feel like if it wasn’t restricted for movie reasons it would have gone down very differently. difference being: hey, maybe we don’t rip anakin away from his mom and leave not only his mom still in slavery but also punt a tiny child directly into a warzone.

hear me out

so assuming qui gon decides not to take anakin with him (at that moment in time because anakin is still going to be heading to the order just in a more meticulous fashion) right after meeting the skywalkers on tattooine, he still needs to get off planet. so he does the whole race thing yadda yadda he gets the engine and they take off

so here’s where it diverges: anakin stays on tattooine and never goes to naboo.

(bro this got so long i had to put it under a cut omfg)

but cindy!! you might say, leaving anakin on tattoine??? stuck in slavery??? how could you!!!

YES, but this is a temporary thing, just stay with me for a second

padme disagrees but relents because qui gon says he’ll come back for the boy when he’s not, you know, neck deep in the middle of tense wartime negotiations that could trigger a full scale onslaught at any moment. that’s no place to bring a small child into no matter how powerful in the force he is.

qui gon heads back to the council, gives his report, and then mentions anakin. mentions his fuckin. midichlorian count. which is still so ridiculous to me oh my god the midichlorian is the powerhouse of the force i GUESS

anyways

the council still disapproves, but qui gon makes the case that even if they don’t believe him about the chosen one thing it’s still dangerous to leave such a powerful force user out there untrained and vulnerable to the stresses and traumas of slavery. what if he turns to the dark side??? he’ll have ample reasons to if he’s stuck there, and the amount of destruction he could unleash by being untrained and powerful is unspeakable!! qui gon, being the master diplomat he is, even if he is constantly butting heads with the council, could probably convince them of the importance of at least meeting the child. hell, it’s not as if they haven’t broken people free from slavery before it’s honestly jedi basic training at this point

so the council agrees on the condition that qui gon is not allowed to personally mentor the boy because as it stands now he’s too close to the situation, too eager which honestly??? might have been a good chunk of the reason why the council was so against it in the first place. qui gon pushed for it too hard and for no real solid reason. and for fuck’s sake qui gon your padawan is right there

obi wan, awkwardly shuffling on his feet like..... yeah i’m here too master

SPEAKING OF OBI WAN

imagine how gutting it must be to hear that your master wants to get rid of you for the newer, younger model. like at this point obi wan is so used to this shit. abandonment? by qui gon??? it’s more likely than you think,

and obi wan’s ALLL ready to be like “yeah okay. i’ll just. go over here then i guess. fuck me for thinking that you respected me as a person or anything lmao right”

and qui gon’s just “ah fuck. i can’t believe i’ve done this”

anyways hand waves qui gon explaining his reasoning to obi wan and saying that he just wants to ensure that the boy gets the training he needs and obi wan understanding but asking if he really thinks he’s ready to be a knight genuinely or if he’s just saying that to get him out of the way and wow that thought actually hurt a bit lol!!! no problem though qui gon whatever you want haha i’ll just... be in pain. over here. ((:

and qui gon being like, “honestly obi wan the only reason you’re not actually knighted is because i cherish your companionship and i don’t want to let you go” because ANAKIN ISN’T THE ONLY ONE WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES CASE IN POINT: MY MANS JINN

let’s be honest obi wan could’ve been knighted ages ago. the only reason he hasn’t been is because the master dictates when that step should be taken and qui gon wasn’t ready to let his surrogate son go.

anyways RECONCILIATION WHOO kicks that insecurity off of obi wan’s already weary shoulders because that gnarly bit of tension could’ve been avoided so easily with just a simple conversation!! wow!!! communication can do wondrous things who! would! have! known!!!!!

anyways

they get to naboo. how do they beat the trade federation without anakin? the force works in mysterious ways alright it happens they win boom.

now, onto qui gon. in this au qui gon lives because of that healthy bit of communication up there that went down. see that conversation? where they affirm how important they (qui gon and obi wan) are to each other? and how that bond was repaired and confirmed between their leaving coruscant and fighting maul on naboo and thus their harmonious fighting wasn’t impaired by that underlying resentment and betrayal and tension??? TELLING YOUR KIDS THAT YOU LOVE AND RESPECT THEM CAN DO AMAZING THINGS WITH YOUR ABILITY TO COORDINATE WITH THEM IN THE FIELD IMAGINE THAT

coughs

so they fight maul and maul gets turned into maul 1 and maul 2 and qui gon almost gets got but is saved just in time by his padawan who is!! right there with him!!! because qui gon WAITS 5 SECONDS FOR HIM TO CATCH UP so they can F I G H T  T O G E T H E R. qui gon has a permanent limp and an ache in his spine that never really goes away but he’s ALIVE TO SEE THE NEXT SUNRISE BABEY

celebrations happen. and the most important bit of all here: palpatine never meets anakin on naboo.

why would he? anakin’s not fuckin there mate!!! maul wouldn’t even know anything about anakin because qui gon never bothered to take him with them to coruscant and maul was chasing the delegation from naboo, not going hunting for babies in the tatooinian sands

/kicks the palpatine was anakin’s experimental force daddy theory to the curb because. i don’t like it that’s why. suck it dickpatine.

ANAKIN NEVER MEETS PALPATINE!! ripples in the fucking pond babey

qui gon and obi wan ask a boon of padme, that boon being “hey can you give us truly disgusting amounts of money so we can go free those delightful people we had to leave behind on tatooine due to the fact that we were on a time crunch and also ripping people away from a familiar environment without a stable plan of action to provide them a better quality of life is actually called, as the professionals say, a dick move.”

and padme’s like “um fuck yeah here’s some cash let me know how this goes and give anakin and shmi my love”

SO OFF THEY GO TO TATOOINE TO FREE THE SKYWALKERS. shmi tags along to the temple because why wouldn’t she. she wants to see where her son is going to be going. she also pesters qui gon and obi wan constantly about the order and its philosophies and etc. etc. and subsequently gets a crash course in jedi doctrine that anakin also gets to sit in on and you know, educate himself on.

“we want you to know that being a jedi is a choice. being a jedi is a religion unto itself.” they say

“but it’s a set of philosophies that are meant to at its core help others live happy and free lives?” anakin (and shmi) ask

“that’s a very very very large generalization but i guess for the purposes of this conversation that could be seen as true. from a certain point of view,” they respond. qui gon then lets obi wan loose on his musings about the code because the code is simple, and complex in its simplicity, and how the beliefs of the jedi should be taken very seriously because it reflects their connection to the force and by extension the world around them etc. etc.

anakin makes it to the temple. anakin knows (at least a little) what it means to be a jedi. it’s not all light sabers and noble battles and fighting the good fight. it’s about sacrifice and humility and nobility and above all kindness and empathy and loving all things, great and small, and not letting your personal hatreds cloud your judgement even if it takes all your strength to do so

and most importantly to anakin: no attachments.

and that’s what anakin struggles with the most. that never changes. but this time shmi is there to explain it to him, and coming from shmi, the most important person in the world, makes it stick

“it doesn’t mean you love me less,” shmi explains. “it just means you don’t love everyone else less because you love me. it means not loving me to the exclusion of all else. it means love, but for everyone. for everything.”

and then the two jedi reaffirm that it’s a choice. it’s always about choice. you can’t be a jedi without choosing to be one, it’s not something that can be forced. either you believe in the lifestyle, or you don’t. simple as that.

“can i leave if i want to” anakin asks.

“yes. of course you can, any time.” qui gon responds.

“not sure why you would want to though, being a jedi is kind of super cool” obi wan adds, with a wink.

but anakin isn’t a jedi yet. he’s not even an initiate. he doesn’t want to leave his mom, not until he knows she’s safe. he wants to be a jedi he burns with the need to be a jedi, but he’s not sure if he can be a jedi. not the way that was explained to him anyways. but that’s okay because he has the time to decide!!! there are no sith lords breathing down his neck!!! he has two (2) in the flesh examples of what jedi can do, what jedi are, what they can accomplish in the world!!! most of all he has his mother there, supporting him either way!!!

maybe he does go into the order. maybe he does ultimately choose that life for himself. maybe he does manage to untangle himself from the snarls of attachment and apply himself wholeheartedly to the ways of the jedi. he might even succeed this time since palpatine has no fucking CLUE anakin’s even there!!! he’s not nine years old and freshly braided and attached at the hip to a mourning brand new knight, he’s nine years old and trying to figure out how the fuck you levitate off the ground with your legs crossed under you while his crechemates balance things onto his nose!!!

and you know what!! maybe he chooses to leave the order because it’s not for him, but this time he’s got enough stability in his life, in the way that he manages and examines his feelings, that he’s not a threat to himself and those he loves. maybe he becomes a mechanic and lives a nice, simple life with his aging mother and becomes penpals with a pretty girl from naboo. WHO KNOWWWSSS

and that’s important for anakin: knowing that it’s always a choice always his choice and that he never has to have anyone tell him who he can and cannot be because he is his own master now he has full autonomy and the jedi cannot and will not take that away from him

this got so long oh my god i just have so many THOUGHTS

qui gon taking anakin like that in tpm was such a rushed decision my man can you CHILL AND THINK

anyways,,,,, that’s all thank u for coming with me on this journey,,,,,,,

[sheabuttahwrites]

[I Know]

. four : reunited, and it feels so...

three

Monday

It was about twenty minutes after eight and Cam had just left. Though, I’d been up for a while since I had to make breakfast for him. I didn’t mind, because I was too anxious to sleep anyway. I was finally about to get out of this depressing ass house for a bit. And O was never boring, so I knew it was about to be a good time. Plus I was so ready to see him. I don't know why, but this particular stretch had felt much longer than all the others. I was on the way to go pack my bag when I decided to mess with him a little instead. I grabbed my phone ready to compose a text, but I already had a notification from him. 

Get up. I’m in route, on my way to you

It had only been there for one minute. I guess we both had the same idea to play this morning. 

I’m up. Been up

You ready?

Yes big head I’m ready 

Ok short legs I was just making sure

I hollered. He was just average height himself, and only about six inches taller than me. Calling somebody short. 

Lmao why you gotta take it there? I’ll be in your vicinity today, don't get beat up

I’m not worried

You should be

Why? Ain't nobody scared of you Jay Baby

Say it to my face

You think I won't

Ok keep that same energy when you see me

Oh fa sho, you do the same

Don't worry about me, you know I’m a G 

Keep talking with your bad ass 

You ain’t gon do nothing

Me and my big head can stay home

I’m not worried lmao you know you wanna see me

You ain't funny

And you ain't gotta lie, you chuckled 

Lol anyway I’m leaving now, I’ll be over there in a minute

I know 

Lmao whatever

I laughed aloud sending him three crying laughing emoji, then slid my phone down into my bra. Finally, I went over to the closet to fill my duffle. I threw a few casual pieces in first, because comfort over everything, and then I added about three or four that could possibly be worn out. I grabbed some sneakers, a couple pairs of heels, a little jewelry, underwear, pajamas, and I packed a separate smaller bag with all of my toiletries. I had taken a shower earlier so I was ready. For about a second, I debated on whether I should change, then decided against it. I knew we would be going right to sleep once we got to his place, so my loungewear would do. 

While I waited for him, I walked over to the mirror, happy that my home remedies had helped my bruises and swelling disappear so quickly. It had only been about two and a half days, but a few aspirin and some intense ice pack usage had really worked. My rug burns were scabbed, but I wasn't too worried about those since the majority would be under my clothes. However, there was still a tiny something at the corner of my mouth, so I covered it with a bit of concealer and finished it with some setting powder. And I was sure to toss the two of them into my makeup bag for later use. 

A little after nine, much to my delight, the doorbell rang. I squealed, giddy as ever, as I jumped up to walk to the door. And, when I opened it, before me stood my bestest friend in the whole world with the goofiest smile on his face. I laughed and invited him in, so excited that I was hardly able to get the door closed behind him. Then I kissed his cheek and pulled him into the tightest hug. It felt so good to be in his arms again. “Hey.” I spoke into his chest and his deep, honeyed timbre fluttered against my ears. 

“Hey.”

I closed my eyes and just held on to him, feeling completely carefree, taking in a moment that didn't get to happen as much as I’d like. I didn't want to let go. Until he took his face down to nuzzle my neck. I flinched and giggled, backing away from him and shielding myself with my shoulder. He knew better. “Don't…”

“Now what's all that shit you was talking?” he asked jokingly, looking down into my face and laughing. 

I tossed my head back, cackling, before I went to smack his arm. “Shut up.”

“Look out. You ready?”

“Yeah, just let me get my stuff.” I left his embrace and started for the living room where I had been waiting.

“Hurry up, get me out this nigga shit.”

I screamed. I knew he hated coming here. But this was his own fault. Because he also didn’t like texting to tell me he was outside, because to him it wasn't courteous. For the same reason, he didn’t like me taking Ubers to or from his place. I personally didn't have a problem with either. Both had been done maybe twice in the beginning and he told me he felt weird about it. I only half understood, but I didn't fight him on it. Honestly, it felt nice to actually be valued for a change. “Simmer down, sir. I’m coming.”

“You know you naked?” 

I paid him no mind and kept moving toward my bags, still tickled by his earlier demand. “Whatever. No, I’m not.” My boxers and tank were plenty clothes.

“Dude would probably have a fit if he knew you were leaving the house in that.” 

Slightly appalled, I stopped mid stroll and turned back to him. “Excuse you? He would also have a fit if he knew you were picking his girl up. But that hasn’t been an issue for you for how long now?”

“Good point. Carry on.” The way he waved me off almost had me in tears. My rebuttal had shut him up too quick. 

“I thought so.”

“Not even a jacket, though? It’s kinda cool out there.”

“I’ll be ok. I’m just running to the car then right into the house after that.”

“If you say so. But what happened to your knee?” 

“Oh, nothing. I scraped it on the carpet. It was an accident,” I hastily explained just under a shout, disappearing around the corner. I hoped I wouldn't have to go into more detail. Omari definitely wasn't shy about asking questions when he wanted to know something.

“Oh. Damn.”

I returned in no time with my duffle bag in hand and my purse on my arm. He took the bag, being his usual gentlemanly self, and I grabbed my keys to lock up the house. Once we were on the porch, I made sure to engage the alarm from my phone. Then he and I hopped into his white Range that I loved so much, and we were out. 

“You hungry?” he asked, yawning.

I yawned instantly, seeing him do it first. “Nah, I'm good. I just wanna go back to sleep.” 

“Word. Me, too.” 

After Cam was done packing last night, he woke me up for round three. Or maybe it was four. I don’t know. But it wasn’t uncommon for him to try and fuck me senseless before he left for work. I guess he thought overuse of his penis was what it took for me to still be there whenever he returned. Whatever the case, I was tired as hell and in need of some serious rest. 

2:04pm

I opened my eyes, slowly becoming aware that Jade and I were face to face. I lingered for a second, letting my vision clear up, enjoying the view more than anything, though. She was stunning. Just so beautiful. Her features had to have been sculpted by the most masterful hands, using only the finest of materials. The lines were sharp, but they had a softness to them. Her skin was golden like warmed maple on a glorious Sunday morning. When they were available, her round, dark brown eyes were gentle, yet so alluring. The way they sparkled in the sun always got me. To top it all off, her sultry pout sat perfectly beneath a nose that fit just right. She was flawless. 

While I stood stretching, yawning, alternating between bending and rubbing the arm she had been lying on, I could see a sense of calm in her expression. She always looked that way when we were together. Like she was happy. And I knew that wasn't the case at home. I tried not to think about it too often, but honestly it really bothered me. She hit me up pretty regularly, revealing how he talked to her, the many ways he mistreated her. But it was probably a lot worse than she was willing to admit. My instincts told me that he was putting his hands on her. She had never confirmed my suspicions, but I knew it was the truth. I knew. And the thought of that shit alone killed me. She was so sweet. So soft spoken and mild mannered. She didn't have a cruel bone in her body. I just couldn’t imagine her actually having the need to protect herself not only from harmful, ugly words but some nigga’s hand. It fucked me up. She was easily my favorite person. I hadn’t witnessed a more pure soul. And to be aware that she was suffering, especially through something so horrible and damaging, was beginning to be too much. I couldn't do shit about it. I couldn't fix it, I couldn't change it. All I could do was be there for her, give her a place to decompress from time to time. Which I loved. I wanted to help her in any way I could, but I was starting to feel like I was in over my head. Truthfully, I didn’t know how much longer I was gonna be able to do this. It was becoming very difficult for me to live with myself. My conscience was tearing my ass up. The most trifling woman didn’t deserve what she was being subjected to every day, and she wasn’t even guilty of anything. Her only fault was loving a nigga who meant her absolutely no good.

I didn't fully understand that either. Of course I knew love could make you do things you maybe wouldn't normally do, but in this case, what was there to love? How could she look at a nigga who was constantly causing her pain and feel anything other than hate? I just didn't get it. She had to know that whatever she was experiencing wasn't love. He was abusing her. How could she still love him? Why would she take his wrath and still allow him to receive all of her goodness? She had to know he didn't deserve it. She had to know that she deserved so much better. From any man. From life. From any situation she found herself in. She had to know that something wasn't right.

But she held fast to her claims. From the start she made it known that she was in a relationship and that she was in love. I respected her honesty, but her words and her actions never matched up. Her mood on the way to my place and the one on the way back to hers were always on two completely opposite ends of the scale. I don't know if she couldn't conceal it or if she just didn't care to, but it was painfully evident where she was excited to be and where she dreaded. She just didn't move like the taken woman she alleged to be. Not by her ‘man’ at least. 

I walked into the bathroom and made my way to the toilet. Then I went to the sink to wash up. I was leaning over brushing my teeth when I felt her arms wrap around me.

I kissed his back, resting my head right against his bare skin after. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” 

I caught his reflection in the mirror and, before I could stop them, my lips had curled into an enormous grin. I was so ridiculously glad to finally be in the same place as him. Plus he was so cute. He had toothpaste all over his mouth, but it took nothing away from his appearance. I couldn't help but notice how good we looked standing there together. A better best friend duo didn't exist. 

“I’ma start thinking you happy to see me in a minute,” he teased, finishing up at the sink. 

I busted out laughing. How dare he just blow up my spot like that? I let my arms fall from his waist. He turned to face me and I swatted his chest, backing away to leave the room. “Get off. Don't act like you didn't miss me.”

He followed me out, going toward his closet. “I already told you that. You know I’m always glad to be in your presence.”

“Um hmm.” I bashfully rolled my eyes, blushing against my own will. Thankfully he was trailing me. He went into the closet and I leaned up against the doorway. “So I thought about it, let’s stay in today.”

“Ok.” He took a t-shirt from one of the drawers and pulled it over his head. “That’s cool.”

“We can go do something tomorrow.”

“Well, I got a couple meetings,” he casually announced, walking over to the other side of the room headed for the couch.

“Awww.” I wasn’t expecting him to have to work so soon. “What time?”

“The first one is at nine in the morning, but neither of them should take too long. Nobody’s recording and I’m not mixing anything. So it should only be a few hours.” 

I stood as he sat, my demeanor in a totally different arena than before. My arms were loosely folded across my chest and a slight scowl had inevitably taken over my expression. “Ok.”

“Jay,” he chuckled, picking up the remote, “don't act like that.”

“I know what you call a few hours. I probably gotta be here all day without you.” 

“It won't be all day,” he claimed, giving the TV all of his attention as he flipped through the channels. “I should be back by around three at the latest. Maybe four.”

I smacked my lips, annoyed that he was alluding to seven hours being minuscule. That was most certainly the entire day. “That’s long.”

“Pooh, you know work doesn't stop. I’m always working.”

“I know, but I just got here.”

He sighed heavily, looking up at me with remorseful eyes and a frown to match. “Why you tryna make me feel bad?”

“I’m not. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself,” I spoke lightly, but the defeat was heavy in my voice. I dropped my head and gave him my eyes, making sure to slouch my shoulders and pout as deeply as I could manage. I didn't even hold it long before we were both cracking up. 

“Don't even try it. Fake self.” 

“Whaaaat?”

“You just about to be sleep the whole time anyway.” 

I doubled over and slapped my knee, because he definitely wasn’t lying. “Whatever.” But I was not about to admit it. Instead, I went to my bag and grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste. “Be right back.”

[softspiderman]

soft christmas dad

[this is for anna, but i thought everyone would like a little bit of dadzawa for christmas lol. enjoy!]

Shota Aizawa hated the cold. To make matters worse, it was snowing outside.

Normally, he would be sleeping on Christmas, but things are not so normal as of late. His apartment once only housing himself, now is home to a young Eri and a hero-in-training Hitoshi Shinsou.

It was not even six in the morning when Aizawa awoke to some rustling outside his room. Despite how much he cherished his sleep, he’s always been a light sleeper. Must be his hero instinct.

Aizawa tip-toed out of his bedroom, ever so cautious with the two extra people under his roof. A few more steps down the hall was the living room, where the rustling was coming from.

Slow steps. Holding his breath. Don't make a sound.

When the time deemed right, Aizawa activated his quirk and kicked the intruder to the ground and raised his fist, but his eyes widened and quirk deactivated when he saw who he just pinned down.

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Shota! "joked Hizashi Yamada with a playful smirk, like he was expecting this type of greeting. Aizawa scoffed and lowered his fist. "How did you get in?"

"Last year’s Christmas, you gave me a key to your place," Hisashi rose an unimpressed eyebrow, but smiled widely once more when the black haired hero looked away, embarrassed. "You were really ambitious back then, what happened?"

Aizawa playfully swatted Hizashi on his shoulder and got up off him. Holding a hand out to hold him up he said, "I gave you that key for emergancies, Hizashi, not because I was trying to feel you up."

"Maybe I wanted you to," Hizashi, ever the flirt, winked.

Shota gave him a dead look with a smirk and pointed to the hallway he just pounced from. "I hope you aren't trying to do something with kids in the apartment."

"Oh!" Hizashi suddenly stood up straight and his eyes lit up. "That's actually the reason I came!"

"Could you be any louder?"

"Yes, but that's for later," Hizashi winked again. He then bent down to the ground a started checking on what looked like Christmas presents. Oh, of course...

"What you got there?" Shota tried to peak into a bag, but Hisashi snatched up with a fond glare and started placing all the gifts on the low coffee table. There was so many, almost too many for one person too carry up four flights of stairs by himself.

"This is Eri's first Christmas, right?" Shota nodded. "Did you get her anything? Actually, did you get either of them something?"

"Of course I got the kids something, Hizashi," Shota rolled his eyes. "They need to have some form of entertainment in this boring apartment."

Hizashi laughed loudly, grabbed Shota's wrist, and pulled him into his tiny kitchen. "Let's get something cookin' to wake them up nicely, huh?" It seemed Shota had no choice, but at least he was warm. 

Hitoshi and Eri shared a room. At first, they lay as far away from each other as they could get. Now, Eri is curled up like a kitten against Hitoshi's back. 

It didn't take long for them to get used to one another and now they were as thick as theives. 

Hitoshi hasn't felt this safe since... well, he just can't seem to remember. Having a man as caring and gentle, yet nonchalant and blank as Mr. Aizawa looking after him was truly his blessing. For a while, he thought he was alone. But Mr. Aizawa always made him think twice.

 He was currently dreaming. A pleasant dream of him sitting under a tree, drinking some hot cider, while watching the snow. He was then brought to the attention of a smell. A smell? 

Hitoshi slowly blinked his eyes open and his senses then became over- loaded with the smell of an American traditional breakfast. His first thought was to think. 'Well, that’s weird. Mr. Aizawa barely cooks..' Then-

'It 's Christmas!' ringed in his head. He almost shot straight out of bed before remembering a certain bed buddy of his. 

Ever so slowly, he turned his body around to face the sleeping little girl. She seemed so blissfully unaware of the world around her that Hitoshi almost felt bad for disturbing her. He softly laid a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her to consciousness. 

"Oh, Eri." Hitoshi murmured. "It's a big day, you need to wake up to see it." 

Eri grumbled and twisted around, trying to grasp on to sleep for just a moment longer. Hitoshi chuckled and shook her once more.

"Mr. Aizawa is making some breakfast," he spoke a little louder. "We shouldn't let him eat it all by himself, now."

Food always seemed to be the trick.

Eri slowly opened her eyes, then let out a big yawn.

"Good morning, sunshine," Hitoshi chuckled at the barely-awake little girl.

"G' mornin', 'Shi." Her words jumbled together, but Hitoshi was basically an Eri Professional by now.

"You ready to face the day?"

"Always!"

Hitoshi took her attempted enthusiasm as a sign to get out of bed. So, he rolled out and walked over to Eri's side, where she was waiting for him with her eyes half opened and arms out wide.

He picked her up and set her down in front of their shared closet. As he rifled through her clothes, he looked at her out the corner of his eye and asked, "Do you know what day it is, sunshine?" Eri shook her head." It's Christmas! Don't you remember Mirio talking about a day where people give presents to people they love?"

The little girl then was suddenly more awake. "Yes!" she almost shouted.

"Well, we need to get ready to see what Mr. Aizawa got you, right?"

"Yes! I can't wait to see what it is!"

Hitoshi found a red dress with glitter all over it and decided it was "Christmas" enough. He held out the dress towards Eri. She all but snatched it out of his grasp and ran to the corner of the room to get dressed.

The teen laughed then turned back to the closet to get his own outfit out. He just chose a simple gray, long-sleeve and some black sweats. He didn't have to look at the snow out the window to tell the trio wasn't going anywhere today.

"I'm all ready, 'Shi!" Hitoshi supposes she'll be okay with un-combed hair for now.

"Then, go and see what Mr. Aizawa is cooking up while I get ready." And like that, Eri was out of there.

Little Eri sprinted out the bedroom, down the hall, and to the kitchen. She suddenly halted when she noticed a guest scrambling eggs.

"Mr. Yama!"

The two adults nearly jumped out of their skin at the yell, but relaxed quickly when they realized who was yelling. Hizashi took the pan of eggs off the heat and placed them on a warmer.

Hizashi turned his full attention back to the grinning child. "Eri!" He took one large stride and let her jump into his awaiting arms. "Merry Christmas, firecracker!"

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Yama!"

Normally, Shota Aizawa would be annoyed, but looking over at the two only made him feel incredibly fond.

"Where's Hitoshi, firecracker?" Hizashi looked down the hall to catch sight of the Hen, but saw only a closed bedroom door.

"Getting dressed!"

Hizashi hummed and placed Eri back on the ground. She then ran to stuff her face in the back of Shota's knees. Shota grunted in surprise, but only sighed softly at her as he flipped a pancake.

It was quiet for a moment. Only the sound of pancake batter hitting the hot pan making any noise.

Hitoshi and Eri's bedroom door opened to reveal a certain Hitoshi Shinsou walking out while typing something on his phone. Messages from his class and some from Shota's class, probably. 

"Big man, there you are!”

Hitoshi can't say he's the least bit surprised Hizashi is here. He sent a reply to Denki Kaminari before pocketing his cell and giving the overexcited blonde man a lazy grin.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Yamada."

Hizashi scoffed playfully, "How many times do I have to tell you to just call me Hizashi, kid?"

"As many times as it makes me laugh at your annoyance face," Hitoshi chuckled, setting himself onto the sofa. His laughter got caught in his throat when he took in the amount of gifts on the coffee table in front him. "Geez, where'd these come from?"

"Are those for us?!" Eri suddenly appeared in the living room with her face nearly in the presents.

Hizashi laughed at both kid's stunned faces and walked into the living room." Of course! Who else would they be for?" Eri giggled when Hizashi picked her up away from the gifts and on to the sofa next to Hitoshi. "How about we open them when Shota gets done with those pancakes, huh?" Both kids nodded enthusiastically.

They all waited as patiently as they could for Shota to get done. Then, he rounded the corner and took a seat next to Hizashi on the floor.

"Well? Are we going to open presents?"

Hizashi immediately got up and picked up a box and a bag and set it beside Eri. He pointed to the two gifts," Go ahead, firecracker!"

Eri picked up the box and started ripping the wrapping paper off. She let out a gasp at the sight of her gift.

"You got me a coloring book and crayons?!" Eri all but screeched. She then flung herself into Hizashi's arms, making him grunt in surprise. "Thank you! I love it!"

"Your welcome, firecracker!" Hisashi was was sure he had never genuinely smiled so much before meeting Eri. "Now open the bag!"

Inside the bag was a pink hoodie with cat ears on the hood. Cat themed things for Eri seemed like a must.

(''If she's going to live with you, Shota, she's gonna need to fit your aesthetic!")

She immediately put it on.

Shota stood up and walked to a closet. He grabbed out two gifts, one wrapped in blue, the other in purple. He handed Eri the blue with a barely restrained smile. He would never admit that seeing the little girl gush over his gift of a beaded bracelet with her name it brought him more joy than anything else.

As she was distracted by her gifts, Hizashi gave Hitoshi a bag and set a medium sized boy with holes on the sides in front of him. "Your turn, kiddo."

Hitoshi opted for Shota's gift first. He smiled widely as he looked over the purple and black beaded bracelet with his initials on it. He quickly put it on and went to open the bag from Hizashi.

Inside was a small bag of cat treats, a couple mouse toys, and a small collar with little moons on them.

The teen gave Hizashi a curious look, to which Hizashi just gestured to the box still on the floor.

Slowly, Hitoshi slid off the couch and tensely reached out to the box. He heard Eri behind him tearing into her crayons. With one last look towards Hizashi and Shota before sliding the lid of the box and letting out a gasp at the content inside.

A grey Scottish Fold lay peacefully asleep, curled up in many blankets.

Hitoshi's mouth was dropped open. He barely registered the teachers' laughs and Eri's squeal to seeing the kitten. He looked to Hizashi with a shocked expression and hope in his eyes.

"They're mine?" He asked quietly.

Hizashi chuckled, "She's all yours, kiddo." Not even a second later, Hitoshi pounced on him and gave him the biggest hug. "Oof!"

"Thank you! Thank you so much, Mr. Yamada!" Hitoshi didn't know what else to say other than "thank you!", but Hiroshi was endeared. "I'll take great care of her!"

"I know you will, kiddo!"

"I want a hug, too! "Eri decided to join in on the dog pile. After a moment of giggles, all three looked towards a fondly smiling Shota.

Shota's smile dropped slightly, "What?"

He didn't get a chance to react before Hitoshi and Hizashi both pulled him into the pile. Shota grunted and was drowned in a heap of cuddles and giggles.

Normally, Shota Aizawa would be annoyed. But things haven't been normal lately. At least he was warm.

12.25.20

[uncertaininnit]

who wants to read an essay about my relationship with simping/an appreciation(/simping lol) post about Will+Eret and also seperately tommyinnit that was written at 4:22 am and then added to the queue because i love the queue system also fun fact i pronounced the word ‘queue’ as ‘cc-week’ for like an entire year and idk why anyways

lets just jump into it

lol

so. if somebody was to ask me who my favorite mcyt is, i would think about it for a moment and eventually answer with either Wilbur or Eret. and i think that is purely out of simping instinct or whatever the fuck. 

to start, Wilbur; the prettiest man, period. i do not take constructive criticism. he is literally gorgeous and i get so mad at him for putting himself down all the time because he doesnt deserve the shit, especially not from himself. he is 24 years old and has the lowest self-esteem out of anybody i can think of. i want to yell in his face all the time. i want to tell him simps are the same species as him, and they have REASONS to simp. if you keep seeing appreciation posts about yourself (which im sure he does) that means people APPRECIATE YOU and WANT YOU to feel APPRECIATED. 

anyway, back to simping. let’s start from the top. his goddamn hair. it is, it is, and i just took a deep breath, so pretty. maybe it isnt the hair itself, probably, but the way it is done. wavy dark brown hair all floofy in the front. and he is constantly messing with it, which is THE cutest thing. when he is excited, he moves a lot, and his hair moves with him and gets messed up and ahhhcvkvyr moving on.

his face? lets start with his eyes. they are so pretty. i think my opinion on eyes is probably weird, and allow me to explain why. i never ever notice somebodies eye color when talking to them. i just dont even look. so when i am actively paying attention to somebody’s eyes, they are that much more important to me. but idk, i kinda feel like his eyes are one of the biggest factors of his face? like, he looks really pretty whether he is smiling or not, because his face doesn’t ride on his smile.

sidetrack paragraph about george: i think george is that way. he is adorable, but he is only really adorable when he is smiling. if i look up ‘georgenotfound cute’ it will be entirely him smiling, and never any other facial expression because he genuinely looks like the fucking weirdest thing sometimes when making a serious face. back to will.

i dont pay attention to noses because who even cares dude but i’m sure his nose does a good job of supporting his looks as well so good job nose

his SMILE. he doesn’t need to smile, but dude, when he does, it’s like i always used to say (and still would say) in regards to eijiro kirishima. it’s like... sunbeams, like rays of light are in his mouth and escaping when he smiles.i wonder how he keeps a star in there. because his smile literally lights up my heart. and when he tilts his head(basically all the time luckily)? so goddamn pretty. pretty man. pretty. 

that brings us to his neck, which is- no, kidding, but i do want to talk about his vocal chords! firstly his speaking voice, which i guess as an american it hits different for me because of the accent. but- i dont think i can put it into words. but the way he puts thoughts into words-(lol) idk, his voice is just really sweet. and his SINGING VOICE, here we go.

so he sings, duh. and i- holy fuck. he just sounds good, you know? he is a good singer. i want to put my emotions simply this time. he sings well, and he sounds good. a pretty voice for a pretty man. i cant even try to elaborate.

basically the only other thing of my concern is his fucking yellow sweater? or jumper or whatever the fuck? and his beanie? on his body? damn. i am genuinely attached to that sweater. it just looks good, ok? it does. 

oh yeah, and he’s hella fucking tall. 6′5? are you kidding? you couldn’t have at least been short so we could make fun of you?

oh yeah and his laugh-

it is now 4:53 am and a bitch is tired but i have an entire fucking train of thoughts and they must be somewhere before they slip away

the next part- Eret. i adore Eret. so incredibly much. and let me start this by saying i’m going to consistantly call him a he, because he doesn’t care and so that makes it easier for me. ok? ok.

he is the opposite of Wilbur in this one regard, confidence. and self-esteem. eret loves himself. that attitude spreads. look, not only is he like the #1 bicon in the world as far as i’m concerned, but he also actively fucks gender roles any day. strawberry dress pog? strawberry dress pog.

but seriously, he rocked the strawberry dress. and the suit, though i missed that stream. he rocks his crown, his sunglasses, just anything he puts on. and don’t get me started on the BOOTS

(im started on the boots) so firstly the heel boots, the first ones he got. when i first saw clips, my only thought was something like ‘woah.’ or maybe ‘damn.’ at that point i didn’t know much about him, just that he looked STELLAR in those boots (and the betrayal and shit yknow) and the PLATFORMS DUDE

the platforms are the same but moar tall, which is incredible. oh and now back to strawberry dress- have you seen him twirl? the twirl? hello? have you seen it? you must. 

also i havent even talked about HIM yet. hove you seen that picture of him with a bird on his shoulder? he is facing the bird, i think looking at it, with a wide smile across his face. and it is so pretty. he has the prettiest smile. 

also today i was looking for flour at the store place and a clip of him was playing in my mind- he was doing like an announcer voice, like in every superhero movie trailer- and he was just coming up with something to say, and what he ened up saying was ‘in a world... where.... cookies.... are made of pringles’ and OMFG its making me laugh even now. like of absolutely anything, that was the example he made. just thinking about it is making me smile. 

speaking of, have you heard his voice? his normal voice is really really deep anyways, but he has crazy range- he can effortlessly(i originally wrote effortly and when i noticed i laughed because i am so fucking tired bfv9wuocl) go from like an elmo impression (and a good one) to a just REALLY low voice, lower than his normal low voice. 

AND HIS SINGING VOICE! he doesn’t like actually make music like wilbur but on that one stream where he did kareoke (how the fuck is it spelled) with fundy and his voice is SO LIKE its deep and its just pretty and i never want to hear normal sweater weather ever again, just him singing it.

i think this is where i’m done with eret- it is 5:18 now, and a BITCH IS TIRED but i need to finish this while i’m still feeling this wayy or i’ll never finish it, i know this from experience.

and now it’s tommy time

the og reason i decided to make this an actual post . but i had to explain the simping thing before i got into my thoughts about tommy. 

but let me start this with just saying yes, i love him. he is a big man and i want him to be happy. which is the topic for today’s discussion, AHEM. 

so tommyinnit, right? he is 16, which is why i do NOT simp.i dont care that im also a minor, i wouldn’t do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, ever. in any world. never. because look- i dont know how to put it, but tommy is SIXTEEN. still young and impressionable and all that junk. and he is a fairly fucking famous twitch streamer. he does that almost daily.

what i’m saying is i dont want him to get hurt. him, and tubbo too. they are a part of the world, part of the public, all the time. don’t you think that is stressful? do you guys remember his haircut stream? on the day of his haircut? and chat was making fun of him for it, and wilbur was making fun of him for it. that is how i express affection, with my real friends as well. playful bullying. but at some point while Will was teasing him, he says something along the lines of ‘yeah, the big man hasn’t been having too great a day’ or something like that, and dude, my heart dropped.

a. he had mentioned earlier that he didn’t want to stream the day of his haircut because hair is always weird that first day, but since he hadn’t streamed in a good bit he felt obliged to. i dont really.. idk, i dont really like that. i dont want him to have to put himself in uncomfortable situations because he feels like he needs to for us. i don’t think that is healthy.

and b. chat and wilbur were bullying him. good-naturedly, but still, when he mentioned he had been having a bad day, the chat turned around and instantly started yelling shit like ‘AHHHH SORRY BIG MAN YOUR HAIR IS FINE’ and when Wilbur kept teasing him (you fucking beautiful bully man fuck off) yelling stuff like ‘WILBUR QUIT WE ARE H U R T I N G HIM’ and ‘WILL STFU HES HAVING A BAD DAY’ so im glad we all want him to feel ok

but still, it cannot be healthy. when i first got into MCYT, i though tommy was fucking loud and annoying. and he is! he is. but that is a big part of why i like him so much. and everyone jokes about him being a child, because he is, but i choose to not say stuff like that in chat just because i want him to be happy. those jokes are fun, but i want him to be happy. and he is happier when not being called a child.

im not attacking you, do whatever the fuck you want. i dont know why i feel the need to protect him or whatever, if he read this he would probably think i was hella creepy. i just- listen, i just want him to be happy. i just want him to smile and laugh. i sound SO GODDAMN CREEPY but- as ive said- i just want him to be happy. 

is this literally just what having a comfort streamer is? am i not crazy? does everyone experience this? and can we talk about tommy’s playlist it’s literally so sweet and bubbly compared to his personality and i love that. and the song he always plays at the start of stream and always like buzzes along to? that moment in time is my very favorite.

it is 5:44-

[ham-sandwich-lol]

hey im about to rant about family

here's your trigger warning, just take caution please. i don't know what will come out of my mouth.

okay, let me list some of the cons and pros mixed together about my family

my younger brother

an ass sometimes

not that bad

he's the youngest, im the oldest, you know how that gets.

plays victim a lot but i learned how to get out of that shit

can change, i feel it

my mum

anger issues??? probably

she doesn't understand my feelings at first, but thats okay i don't either

knows how to manipulate jesus christ-

just wants the best, but somehow also expects more from me

she's better than some people

my dad

he guilt trips me a ton but im not the only one tho

gaslights me too

thinks that i feel the same as he does over situations

cares about what i do, not me

also has anger issues

doesn't know when to stop yelling my god

holds my brother and i to really high standards

but sometimes he's nice

he cares sometimes

hes not all bad, but its horrible when he is bad

my grandparents on my mum's side

literally the best

nothing bad about them

my biological grandpa died before i was even a thought but he was cool

they're very cool

always knew the best for me

i have nothing bad about my grandparents

my grandma on my dad's side

very nice

also have nothing bad for her

curses in italian and i find it amazing

can bake really well and i don't know how

very quiet tho

my grandpa on my dad's side

ehhh

he's okay

hasn't done anything bad

yet

hardcore republican and im a far leftist so

isn't bad until politics are on the table

my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc on mum's side

haven't seen them in ages

pretty nice

i actually haven't seen them in so long

a lot of smaller kids so that's an issue for me personally

not much else

my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc on dad's side

ehh

can be bad

oh god here we go

forgets about my part of the family a lot

also hardcore republicans (some of them, not all)

invalidated me a lot

THAT cousin on my dad's side

oh god i have sm against her

bitchy when i don't want to sleep over

ignores all bad problems in her fandoms (shipping minors, lewding minors, etc)

brings up other problems (family) and ignores main one

can't grammar right

thinks that if one bad thing happens the whole day is ruined for her

thinks that older adults that aren't close to her in relations aren't in charge of her when she's a little kid (ex: an aunt saying no, she thinks its everything but no since "you aren't my mum")

starts fights in games all the time

improper uses of tone indicators at times

has read inappropriate stories about minors

has an odd obsession with death, things like that, brings it up at the worst times

with that last ones, probably invalidates triggers

- called my online friends "narrow minded"

don't have much good for her rn

but like

i just wish they cared about my mental health more

maybe they do?

and i just don't see it?

oh but when they invalidate my human rights because of political beliefs (mostly my dad's side yay)

when they forget about me and what i do

(major TW) i might have talked about this before but

when your own father puts his g//n to your head and threatened to k!ll you when you were 9 because you complained about the snow during hunting season lol that hurt

"i love you more than i love myself" then act like it.

care for my health, whether its mental or physical.

just try to act interested in my hyperfixations

im sorry i wasn't enough though.

im sorry i couldn't be just like you.

im sorry i wasn't up to your standards.

but yet again im not.

then yet again i just want you to love me without questioning my existence and rights.

i want them to love me without questioning my rights.

or my existence.

or my hyperfixations.

or my habits.

or my illnesses, whether they be internal or external.

just please.

love me like a parent should.

treat me like your child, not a piece of clay you can mold into what you could never be.

[blooms-of-ice]

RP Log: Lin invites Barengar over to meet Wyda!

( @lettersnorth​ @autochthonousone )

Barengar Requingris had been somewhat surprised. It was everyday that he received a missive from Aislinn asking that he come visit so that she could introduce a friend of hers to him. Needless to say we wasn't about to let a request from her go unanswered. So he found himself leave so that he could make the trip to Heartwood headquarters for an evening. It was fortunate that it wasn't too far of a jaunt from Ishgard. It left more time for actual time spent with dear friends. So -- as he entered the building -- he heard the subtle murmur of chatter from below and made his way downstairs. He peered around the corner as he made it to the bottom. "Aislinn. Y-ou down h-ere?"

Aislinn North "...so here's the thing. Zorah and I were ready to sneak quietly by but that wasn't good enough. He had to jump out and yell at half a dozen pirates, all with loaded weapons." she shook her head. "/That's/ why he ended up all shot up. Something's not right with him. The Raen has a death wish." she paused as she heard Ren's voice. Looking up, a smile flashed briefly across her face as she hopped to her feet. He had made it. "Over here." she motioned to Barengar with a certain degree of excitement.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn was eager to meet Barengar, having been told about the man by Aislinn for several months now. This made her a bit more scatterbrained than usual. Whatever Aislinn was talking about, Wyda wasn’t quite listening, although she did a good job of /appearing/ to be. Lots of nods and ‘you don’t say’ and ‘oh wow, interesting.’

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn - The moment he made it past the corner, Wyda got up from her seat, a wide smile already set on her face. The sudden motion sent the stool clattering. “It’s the man of the hour! Welcome to Heartwood!”

Aislinn North saw the stool begin it's downward journey and neatly sidestepped out of its way as though it was nothing out of the ordinary.

Aislinn North once it hit the floor and stopped, she merely bent down and set it back to rights again.

Barengar Requingris offered a subtle smile of his own upon sighting the two women. One decidedly familiar and the other vaguely so. He dipped his head forward in a firm nod and his customary grunt in way of greeting. "It's good t-o see y-ou." He offered to Aislinn before blinking and turning his gaze to Wyda's exuberance. "I ... ah ... " He cleared his throat before letting out a low chuckle. "Thank y-ou. Aiswyda, aye?"

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn nods once, and pats herself on the chest. “Yup, that’s me! It’s great to have an opportunity to meet you proper. Only so much could be said on your wedding day.”

Aislinn North Glanced between the two. "Aye, Barengar this is my good friend, Aiswyda. Aiswyda, this is Barengar, practically, nearly, might as well be family." she said by way of introduction.

Barengar Requingris glances back over to Aislinn and gives another subtle smile, dipping his head forward slightly. "Aye. Family in ev-ery way tha-t it matters." He glances back to Aiswyda. "An-d it's good t-o meet anyone tha-t Aislinn calls friend. They're a friend in kind as far as I'm concerned."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn gave Ren a good, long look. “Ah, yes. I can see the resemblance.”

Barengar Requingris blinks at Aiswyda.

Aislinn North a small smile of amusement danced around her lips.

Aislinn North shook her head. "You know, most people don't." she quipped.

Barengar Requingris blinks again, looking over to  Aislinn now. He just stares for a moment .. and then lets out a low and easy laugh.

Aislinn North motioned Barengar further into the lounge. "Come in. Can I get you a drink?" she did her best to look him over surreptitiously. He appeared to be in good health, which was a relief to her. "How's Ishgard?"

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “You both have that same, kind look in your eyes!” Wyda noted. She nodded to Lin’s statement, the idea of drinks always welcome in her book. “Right. Why don’t we all settle down somewhere? Would be rude to have our guest stand by the stairs...Unless you feel the need to run at all times.”

Aislinn North tilted her head. "Not Ren."

Barengar Requingris has certainly kept to the advice given to him. He was keeping his activity low. At least as low as he could. There still was the occasional pulse of aether from him but it wasn't anything beyond what had already been observed and he'd been keeping to the breathing exercises. It helped. He looked to Aislinn and nodded. "A porter if y-ou h-ave one around." He answered lowly to the first question. There's a slight look of amusement at Aiswyda’s observation regarding the eyes, his head shaking slightly before he answers the second of Aislinn's questions. "Cold an-d full o-f folk tha-t think they're more importan-t than they are." He grumbled slightly before offering up a single chuckle. "Bu-t it's well."

Aislinn North nodded. "Porter. Got it. Wyda?" she asked as she moved behind the bar. She shot Barengar a look of humor. The way he put it didn't make it sound 'well' to her. "Imagine that's mostly on account of Ellie. How's she doing?"

Barengar Requingris: "Hale an-d healthy. Good spirits too. Though it's gettin-g a bit hard f-or h-er t-o work as h-ard as she's used to." He laughs quietly, shaking his head. "Which was, admittedly, too much."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “If there’s any rum left, that’s what I’ll have.” She takes the corner seat by the bar...just in case Ren wants to stretch his legs and sit on the far right. Tall people problems. “Ooh, Ishgardian high society?  Now that’s something I know next to nothing about.”

Aislinn North rummaged behind the bar for a pint glass. Finding one, she set it on the bar and then lifted herself up on her toes in order to read the draught taps. "Hmm. You and me both." she murmured a bit distractedly. Finding the porter, she 'ahha'd' and poured the highlander a glass and passed it his way. "But, Ren here's a knight of the realm." she said with a smile the belied the pride she had for him in rising so high.

Aislinn North dipped under the bar and popped back up  with a bottle of dark rum and a glass. She poured the Seawolf two fingers worth, neat. And left the bottle on the bar. For herself, she found a decent whiskey and did the same.

Barengar Requingris reaches his head out to slide the glass the rest of the way toward him. His head shaking with a gentle amusement as Aislinn brings up his knighthood. A notion that he'd only recently become used to. "Suppose tha-t's true, aye."

Barengar Requingris: "Though I tend t-o leave all th-e ... "high society-ing" t-o Ellie." He wrinkles his nose slightly before laughing and taking a drink.

Aislinn North slid a good-natured glance to Aiswyda. "He's still won't let me call him Ser Ren, though."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn gratefully takes her glass with a nod. “If he’s a knight, then that’s what he is though, right? Ser Ren.”

Barengar Requingris rewards AIslinn with a flat look. Look what you've done now, Lin. He lets out a low laugh all the same before taking a drink and shaking his head. "Maybe when I'm in Ishgard." He conceded. "Bu-t h-ere?" He glances between the two women with a subtle smile. "Jus-t Ren."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn senses Ren isn’t used to what she imagines Ishgardian society to be (stuffy, fancy, very... cold?). That said, she can recognize what Aislinn is playing at. The sort of good-natured jabs that only old friends can make.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: "Ser Just Ren."

Barengar Requingris blinks.

Aislinn North let go a huff of laughter in reply to his look. She slid her glass to an empty seat and came around the bar. She pressed her lips together at Wyda's response in an effort to keep back another laugh.

Barengar Requingris is frozen half-way from a sip as he slowly turns his attention to Wyda. Did she just ... he can't help but laugh at the sheer audacity. He finally takes his sip, murmuring into the cup. "I'm out numbered."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn doesn’t bother holding herself back. Seeing Ren’s reaction, she lets out a bark of a laugh and heartily pats him on the shoulder. “Hah! Just pulling your chain. But yeah.” In a lower voice now. “You're on our turf now, hehe.”

Aislinn North shook her head, taking pity on him. He did, after all, come all this way because she asked. "Alright. Supposing 'Ren' has worked so far." she said, taking a sip of her drink.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn hasn’t tasted her drink yet. Blasphemy! She quickly corrects that.

Barengar Requingris takes well enough to the clap on the shoulder, an amused expression upon his features as he dips his head toward Aiswyda in silent concession before looking back over to Aislinn with a simultaneously mirthful and grateful smile. "We can reassess 'Ser Ren' once 'Ren' stops workin-g." He offered, grunting. Coarse as it might sound, it was good natured and friendly.

Aislinn North tilted her head in concession, a twitch at the corner of her mouth compromising her expression. "Fair enough."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn is happy that Ren is rolling with the punches. And while she’s got ten thousand questions buzzing in her brain (what your favorite food? Color? How do you like your eggs?), she figures that Aislinn probably has her own need of Ren’s time. She holds back the floodgates for now.

(Aislinn North) ((ahahaha! I kinda want to see that!)) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) LOL just rapid fire 0-context questions! Quick!! Does Ren put his left boot on first, or his right? xD )) (Barengar Requingris) (( Oh no!! He'll never be able to keep up! )) (Aislinn North) ((ooo...cake or pie? That's always a good one)) (Barengar Requingris) (( Pie!!! )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) is this Ren's pref or yours? :D )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) because this is a hard choice for me.......cake is so good.....so is pie )) (Aislinn North) ((It definitely depends on the day)) (Barengar Requingris) (( Pie is ... definitely mine! But I also contend that cheesecake is a pie, so ... your mileage may vary! )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) fdklsf cheesecake is a pie?!? )) (Barengar Requingris) (( I mean ... it has a crust!! LIke a pie!! )) (Barengar Requingris) (( And it's more like a filling!! )) (Barengar Requingris) (( But I'm a dangerous radical in this regard. )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) fkldsjf but it has cake in its name!! but I feel like I get your reasoning )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) it's not like other cakes...... )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) cheesepie )) (Barengar Requingris) (( A pie is a pie ... by any other name ... )) (Aislinn North) ((Isn't cheesepie a totally different thing?)) (Barengar Requingris) (( I ... oh no ... is it?! )) (Barengar Requingris) (( I think some folk put cheese on apple pie?? )) (Aislinn North) ((That's awesome and I recommend it)) (Barengar Requingris) (( Well now I have to!! )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) I can attest cheese + apple is an A+ combo )) (Barengar Requingris) (( I've been living a life of deprivation, apparently! )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) I have never heard of cheesepie though. My god, it looks incredible )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) It also kinda looks like just a bunch of humus in the shape of a pie slice. I'm flip flopping between hunger and confusion )) (Aislinn North) ((It also confuses me. I mean, it's /almost/ cheesecake. I'd try it.))

Barengar Requingris leans forward to take another drink from his porter as he glances over each shoulder to his company. "I don't think tha-t I asked. How are y-ou both doin-g? Well, I h-ope."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn instead finishes her drink with the very clear intention of getting a wee bit tipsy. As soon as it's emptied, she finds the rum bottle left on the bar and irresponsibly fills her glass. "Hm, you want the long answer or the short answer to that?"

Aislinn North settled in, shifting in her seat and getting comfortable. At his question, she studiously does not look Wyda's way, keeping her face a study in mildness.

Barengar Requingris tilts his head to the side slightly as his attention is draw Wyda's way. "Ah ... I suppose whichever y-eur more inclined t-o answer wi-th. I'm no-t th-e sort t-o pry."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn shrugs her shoulders. “Well enough. We went on a picnic recently, actually!” The Seawolf leaves out the part where she slept in jail for god knows how long. Weird topic to bring up to a new friend. Maybe if she’s feeling bold after a few more glasses..

Barengar Requingris bobs his head to the side slightly. He didn't precisely understand what the *long* version of that story was but he -- as he said -- wasn't about to pry. It sounded nice enough. "A picnic?" He glances between the two. "T-o somewhere in particular?"

Aislinn North now safely glanced their way, a measure of a smile at the memory. "Well, we ended up near the Drydocks. We were in search of a box Wyda had buried awhile back. Only, she couldn't quite remember where. So we were all there to help jog her memory. Found it too, in the end." she said by way of explanation.

Barengar Requingris tilts his head curiously again. A missing box? This definitely sounds like a smaller part of a bigger story. So he nodded. "Tha-t ... sounds like a nice place f-or a picnic." He offers with a quiet laugh, taking a drink. "I h-ope tha-t all was well wi-th the box?"

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “I buried the box awhile ago, mind you,” Wyda added. “Lin found it stuck underneath a bunch of blackberry roots. But! We had a picnic before that, and one of our mates brought pie.” She smiled at the memory. Potlucks...are objectively the best. This is FACT.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “Do you go picnicking in Coerthas? Or would that go by another word...”

Aislinn North took a swallow of her drink. "A bloody miserable time?" she offered. Aislinn would never grow to like the cold or snow.

Barengar Requingris nodded his head slowly as the box was explained a bit further. Though his nose wrinkled at the question regarding Coerthas and picnics. "Ah ... " He couldn't keep himself from letting out a single laugh. "Aye. Lots o-f picnics inside." Is that even a picnic?

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn is interested by the idea of indoor picnics. "Wow, I've never done one of those. We should have our next picnic inside too." Wyda is completely genuine, braincells already working hard on the logistics of such an event.

Barengar Requingris can only laugh at the sincerity of the expression. Who was he to say that you couldn't have a picnic indoors? Picnic was a state of mind, after all. "Jus-t pull up next t-o a fire an-d eat w-ith y-eur h-ands."

Aislinn North not at all dissuaded or surprised by Wyda's train of thought, she had known the Seawolf long enough by now, she glanced up towards the ceiling and the floors above. "There is the indoor garden upstairs. Suppose that would work just as well too."

Aislinn North: "Really not a bad idea when it gets cold outside."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “Ooh, yes...A bit of fire, a bit of finger food, and have it in the garden upstairs...Everything’s shaping up! Ren, you and your wife would be welcome to come by too!”

(Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) during potluck q/a: ok who's bringing the fire for our indoor picnic )) (Barengar Requingris) (( I nominate Aislinn! )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) that's a safe bet :D )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) ren brings the 'cheesepie' )) (Aislinn North) ((You can definitely put her down for fire XD)) (Aislinn North) ((Wyda can cover the rum)) (Barengar Requingris) (( Barengar, arriving to the potluck with a wheel of cheese: "Cheesepie.")) (Aislinn North) ((Change of plan. Ellie can bring the cheesepie)) (Barengar Requingris) (( *laughs!* )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) LOL )) (Aiswyda Nuthalwyn) A picnic of just fire, a wheel of cheese, and rum. All indoors. this is the sort of irresponsible fun I live for, both OOC and ICly xD ))

Barengar Requingris: "An-d it's definitely always cold in Coerthas..." He grumbled quietly before glancing over in Wyda's direction. He lets out a quiet laugh. "Indoor picnics are -- probably -- h-er favorite sort o-f picnics. So th-e invitation is appreciated."

Aislinn North corner of her mouth curled up in a warm smile as she took another drink, glad that Aiswyda and Barengar seemed to be hitting it off.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn dutifully saves the idea for later. “Hah, keep an eye out for a letter then! I can hardly wait.” And this is truth. The time for partying is always now.

Aislinn North nodded to Ren, letting him know Wyda was indeed, serious.

Barengar Requingris lets out a quiet laugh as he glances to Aislinn just as she gives the confirming nod, bobbing his head to the side. "I'll keep lookin-g forward t-o it." He offered with a low chuckle. He pauses for a moment to take a drink from his glass. "H-ave y-ou been at the mercenary life long?" He asks Aiswyda with low rumble.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “I think so?” A terrible answer, all around. She gives a pleading look towards Aislinn, like a student seeking hints from a teacher during a pop quiz. Except there's really no reason to /not/ know the answer to such a question. “A year maybe?”

Aislinn North nodded, jumping in to help Wyda without another thought. "I think that sounds right. You signed up only a short time before me, aye? Only been one Starlight here." an odd way to track time, but an efficient way for her to tell how long she's been in a place.

Barengar Requingris followed Wyda's gaze to Aislinn, his brow rising slightly in question. That was ... weird. Though he lets it be and simply gives a slow nod of his head. "A-bout th-e same as y-ou then." He observes, speaking to Aislinn. He looks back to Wyda. "It was an amusing thing. Jus-t as I was leavin-g th-e business." He chuckles quietly before looking back to Aislinn again. "It's good tha-t y-ou h-ave such solid comrades."

Aislinn North leaned forward on the bar so she could look at Wyda. "He made it look so easy, mercenary life." she explained to her friend. Flicking her gaze back to Ren, she gave a lopsided smile, a dimple appearing in one cheek. "It is. They've kept me in one piece, that's for certain."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn is always grateful to have Lin as backup, whether it was to answer questions she rightfully should know the answer to, or catching chairs, or literally saving her life in combat. “It can get tough, but we’re a good crew of people. And if anything bad happens, there’s nothing G’lewra can’t patch up.”

Aislinn North raised her glass before taking a drink. "Nymeia's Blood, that's true. We're lucky we have a medic like her on board. Some of us more than others."

Barengar Requingris bobbed his head forward in concurrence, a slight smile upon his lips. "Hells know tha-t I benefitted f-rom th-e same when I f-irst started. I owe a lot t-o Bastion." He wrinkled his nose slightly. "Jus-t don't tell h-im I said that." He grunted and took a sip from his glass, glancing over to Aiswyda. "Tha-t's wha-t it's all abou-t afterall. Bein-g in a comp-any."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn smiled, and raised her glass. “Aye, aye! No truer words have been spoken.”

Barengar Requingris lifts his glass in turn, grunting a solid chuckle.

Aislinn North tipped her head up to eye Barengar questioningly. "Do you ever miss it?" she asked. It was a question she had pondered but never found the time to ask.

Barengar Requingris glances back to Aislinn. "Mercin-g?" He asks.

Aislinn North simply nodded

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn attentively leans forward.

Barengar Requingris draws in a slow breath, leaning forward onto the counter as he considers the question. "I'd be lyin-g if I said I never missed parts o-f it." He offered without hesitation. "Both bein-g in a comp-any an-d bein-g freelance. Each ha-d their draws." He glances down at the meager remnants within his glass, swirling them slightly as he held the rim with his fingers. "Freedom. Excitement. A chance t-o put m-y ability t-o the test." He stops the swirling, briefly setting the glass down and letting the liquid come to a gradual stop. "Bu-t ... I don't regret leavin-g. Even if I miss it sometimes. It was ... simpler. In a lot of ways." A small smile touches his lips. "Bu-t complex isn't always bad."

Aislinn North eyes fell to his near empty glass and she rose to pour him another as she considered his words, letting them roll around inside her head. "It does have its ups and downs. I like that every day you never know what might end up on the job board. But aye, complex isn't bad. Not if that's where life takes you."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn listens thoughtfully, idle hands winding a lock of hair around a finger. Freedom, excitement. And on the flip side, loss and danger. Adventuring was by no means the perfect pastime, but then again...what was? She nods, agreeing with Ren’s words. “We just make do with what we got. Strive for more. And the way I see it, nothing truly ends. It all sticks with you for as long as you can remember.”

Aislinn North nodded along in agreement with Wyda as she passed Ren another porter.

Barengar Requingris dips his head toward Aislinn and then glances over to Wyda and does the same. A slight smile pulls upon his lips. "Aye." He murmured lowly, thoughtfully. "Jus-t changed it all out f-or a whole different kind o-f excitement in a way." He dips his head gratefully toward Aislinn as she refills the glass. "An-d, aye. Y-eur righ-t. It doesn't really go away. Not when y-ou remember."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “...that said, if you’re ever in need of an escape, you know where to find us. To get a fix of some adventuring proper.” Wyda whistles innocently.

Aislinn North looked swiftly at Wyda, unable to keep the look of alarm from her face. "Ah...just. Not at the moment." she felt the need to say, as if Ren didn't already know he couldn't be putting himself in harm's way and fighting.

Barengar Requingris lifts his brow slightly as he slowly turns his attention over to Aiswyda as she makes her nonchalant offer. He just stared in her direction for a moment before letting out a steady and pleasant chuckle. "I can't deny tha-t bein-g a temptin-g offer." He pauses looking back to Aislinn as a single corner of his mouth tugs back into an amused smile. "Righ-t. Doctor's orders." A slight sigh came after it as he took a drink. It was hard being patient.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn looks between the two, a lightbulb lighting up above her head. “Ah, right! Not saying you should go out and make things worse...? And I wouldn’t want to explain to your wife why you came back from your ‘night out’ bloodied and battered.”

Barengar Requingris emits a single laugh at that. "Ah ... I'd definitely get an earful t-o be sure. Though it'd likely be somethin-g along th-e lines o-f 'Why didn't y-ou bring me?'."

Aislinn North nodded solemnly, reaching for her glass. "As it should be."

Aislinn North shook her head. "But also, again. 'Not at the moment' applies to her as well."

Barengar Requingris looks back to Aislinn and gives a much wider smile at that. At least for him. "Y-ou won't get any arguments f-rom me on tha-t front."

Aislinn North glanced at Wyda with a smile of her own. "Ren here is going to be a father in a few short moons."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “Ooh, she sounds fun! Let’s bring her along!” Wyda corrects herself on Aislinn’s answers. “Ahem. Right, the responsible thing to do is to not bring her along.” She doesn’t know the reason why, but she’s not going to risk it.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn and now...she knows the reason! “WHAT. Wow! That’s crazy! How exciting!”

Barengar Requingris glances over at Wyda as she does the quick verbal about-face. An amused expression crossing his features. Though it softens slightly as Aislinn reveals the impending fatherhood. He prepares his reprisal. "An-d Aislinn a godmother." He added, giving a firm nod.

Aislinn North: "I've been recalling as many sordid stories about our youth so I'll be prepared to tell them all about all the trouble their father got into."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn sheds a single tear. She’s so proud of Lin. Perfect godmother material.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “Be prepared...when the baby comes, it’ll be nothing but sleepless nights for you. A formidable challenge to be sure.”

Barengar Requingris barks a single laugh at that, shaking his head. "Already lookin-g to undermine m-y authority." He smiling, of course. The man positively beside himself with happiness over the fact. He pauses a moment, dipping his head toward Wyda. "An-d it's goin-g t-o be all the more o-f a challenge wi-th three." He glances down at his cup for a moment. "A blessin-g tha-t Ellie's family is as excited as we are."

Aislinn North shook her head. "They're going to outnumber you."

Aislinn North ever the strategist, she knew those odds did not fall in his favor.

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn: “By the Twelve...I suppose I should be saying, by the three!” Wyda shakes her head in disbelief. “All the more joy! But Lins right, you have to be careful.”

Barengar Requingris laughs and bobs his head slightly to the side, conceding to both of their warnings. "If our childhood taught me anythin-g, Aislinn." He glances back over to Aislinn with a slight smile. "It's tha-t three's trouble."

Aislinn North He was treated to a flash of a wide smile and a bubble of laughter. "At the very least, you're forewarned, which is forearmed. Should help you to stay at least one step ahead of them for awhile."

Barengar Requingris felt his own smile widen slightly at that. "Aye. Though ... y-ou can expect me t-o call f-or back-up." He pauses and looks over to Aiswyda. "An-d y-ou should bring Aiswyda as well."

Aiswyda Nuthalwyn beams at Ren. “AH yes! I’d love to see the rascals! Show ‘em how to climb trees and...hm, when do kids learn to walk...” Wyda is counting someone else's eggs before they hatch.

Aislinn North took a moment to weigh the joy of seeing three children run circles around Ren against stepping in and mercifully helping him out. She slowly nodded. "I think that's part of my duties as godmother."

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

finally. i decided to do this. anyways hello there, i am jake and today i want to talk about something; you see, if you are in the tf2 fandom, you probably know about heavymedic. Wherther you are a hardcore gamer who resents f2p’s or a person that never played the game but has trillions of notes on their art- you know heavymedic exists and most of all you probably ship it.

And I find that weird. In the few fandoms in my life I have been in I had never seen a single ship be so widely if not shipped, then accepted. Sure, maybe everyone in the GF fandom knows what Billdip is - for better or for worse. Sure, maybe the HS fandom is 70% shipping.

But I have never ever seen such a phenomenon in a prominent multiplayer game fandom. A fandom, sadly, oftentimes filled with toxicity. Overwatch is very similar here - yet ships are either a hot topic of discussion or straight up ignored. But TF2? In here for whatever reason we ship these two mercenaries. And in this essay I will try and find a reason or two why is that.

Apologies for any mistakes or incoherency. English is not my first language, I need to ramble, and my vocabulary is all over the place.

Content warning: mentions of homophobia, blood, death, mentions of WLW fetishization, nsfw mention. Also MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE TF2 COMICS.

Part 1: Canonical Evidence and Interactions

Let’s be honest: I could ramble about this one for days on end. But I’ll try and keep it short.

First and foremost we have the official videos. And of course the first thing that comes to mind is Meet the Medic.

At the very start of the part where Medic himself appears, we see him telling a joke about a particularly gruesome situation to Heavy.

He laughs along with him, visibly enjoying his company. He even smiles as he waits for another joke. Heavy only shows genuine fear a lot later.

And of course this damn scene always cracks me up. Medic slightly pinches Heavy’s cheek and strokes his lip gently (the other part is almost not noticeable unless you play the video at slow speed).

Of course we all know about the Hand Hold that happens somewhere halfway in the vid. I don’t think I have to explain the gayness in that. The fact their hands stay interlocked even after Medic helps Heavy up. The deep breath Medic takes because even he cannot handle the emotions. That few seconds is unresolved sexual tension manifest.

Overall the short shows a strong feeling of trust between these two. Medic confides in Heavy and reverse. Yeah he puts a baboon heart into his friend’s chest cavity but the fact (as proven at the end of the video) that Heavy was the first one to have an Ubercharge implanted into him shows that Medic at the very least considers him a lab rat.

I treat End of the Line as non-canonical, as do many others, and as such won’t discuss it here. But it will forever crack me up that Valve endorsed such levels of homoerotic subtext.

These two have some short moments in other videos, like for example in Invasion Heavy helps Medic up (CINEMATIC PARALLELS) but it’s nothing major so I guess I’ll skip forward.

Second is their interactions ingame. You might call me a weirdo for trying to find stuff in there but holy shit I have things to say and I’m going to say them.

You thought I was going to fanboy over the “i love this doktor” voiceline huh? Well not really. I wish these two had unique lines if they assist one another.

Heavy is literally listed on the official wiki as the “ideal medic buddy” and multiple pages on that exact wiki say some pretty interesting things.

I have to say something about the Gentleman’s Ushanka and/or Pocket Medic. They are both community cosmetics - but the fact they both got accepted by Valve says a lot. Above is text snipped from the actual wiki.

Last but not least: The Comics. Darned comics. The pair of mercenaries has basically no interaction - unless you count issue 6.

Heavy getting absolutely PISSED when Medic is killed by Ch*avy. Their reunion. Medic referring to Heavy by “my friend” in a totally straight way. Kind of sad Valve wasted an opportunity for them to hug. Maybe they knew their comic artist ships them and wanted to avoid having to answer the Question™.

Part 2: Dynamics

This part’s a bit trickier, mostly due to the reason that I’m new to this whole dynamic analysis thing. Yeah I’m good at spotting canonical evidence but very specific shipping dynamics often escape my gaze.

The most obvious one is Big Guy, Little Guy. Quoting the TVTROPES page:

[…] This trope describes a pair of guys who always fight together, are best friends forever, and quite often have a very obvious hierarchy: The little guy is often in charge […] The little guy is usually listed first, since he’s the leader, and they are always listed together, as if they are one entity. In fact, some episodes may center on the fact that they can’t live without each other. […] If this is a case of Brains and Brawn, the Big Guy is usually the Brawn, and the Little Guy the Brains. It’s almost never the other way around, but in some cases the Big Guy can be rather smart too. […]

A sub-type of this, a common favorite here on Tumblr is known as “small chaotic big calm” and hoo boy if that isn’t these two. I don’t really have much to say here - again I am not an expert.

Part 3: Fandom Impact

So you don’t think Red Oktoberfest (as Heavymedic is sometimes called) is super popular on anywhere else than Tumblr? Wrong.

It’s hard to find TF2 fics on Archive of Our Own not tagged with Heavy/Medic. Of course most of them only contain hints to their relationship but go in the main tf2 tag and I can guarantee you, you’ll gonna see “implied heavy/medic” all the time.

But these two go further than AO3 or Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. They are recognized even within the wider circle of the fanbase. Take this SFM, for example. (I am using the Saxxy Awards version of Secret Lives here mostly due to the fact that the Heavymedic moment is much gayer. In the normal version, the dialogue isn’t changed, but they simply hold hands.)

But it gets deeper. (WARNING: THE GAY MOMENT IN THIS ONE IS NSFW. NOT EXPLICITLY SO BUT JUST A HEADS UP TUMBLR PLEASE DO NOT FLAG ME)

And the best part? The comments are extremely positive. You’d expect hoards upon hoards of homophobes screeching but no, the comments are supportive. Even on places such as Reddit or Youtube, comments like “yeah they’re gay and in love” do not get downvoted/disliked to hell; in fact the opposite.

Part 4: Canon Status

Let’s be real. Most ships are shipped because people want to explore the dynamics in fanfic, fanart or something else. But Heavymedic is shipped because… well, I have no idea.

Actually, I kind of do - but only theories. You see, while the canonical evidence is here, the creators have never said anything about them. No confirmation, no disproval, no hinting, nothing.

But the ship is so prominent! There has to be something causing this!- you say. And to that I present you 2 theories on why Heavy/Medic is so popular.

Theory number 1 states that we simply all choose to interpret their interactions as homoerotic. And this is very easy to disprove - there’s simply no way we just collectively agreed on these matters out of nothing. There has to be something bigger.

And theory 2 states that, well, our interpretation is the desired interpretation. But this is even more ridiculous than theory 1 for a number of reasons. If they are in fact gay, why hasn’t Valve made them canon yet?

A Theoretical Scenario

I am going to ramble big time on this one, so buckle up lads. I’ll discuss a theoretical scenario in which, well, if that was not obvious, Valve confirms Heavymedic as canon. Maybe then we will see why they will probably never do so.

TF2 is considered by typical capital G, alt-right Gamers as a “non-political” game. This means no women (in the game itself, at least, and if even, sexy women only), no queer folk and no minorities (for some reason they accept Demoman but throw a fit if someone draws any other merc as not being pearl white). Team Fortress 2 was around before Gamergate and other things like Gamers Rise Up. It’s a classic and Valve is regarded as the good guy to Epic Game’s bad guy. If Valve did anything to confirm doubts, wherther it be clearing up popular fanon or confirming ships, these people would throw hands. (Although they seemed to ignore when one of the writers confirmed Miss Pauling is a lesbian. Huh.) Even those that don’t play TF2 would come to the aid of their bros.

Let me illustrate with two very similar examples. In both cases these confirmations were the first made by the company as a whole, both are fairly recent and both confirm a character as gay.

First we have the confirmation of Tracer from Overwatch as a lesbian. It was done in one of OVW’s comics. Tracer is the FACE of Overwatch as a whole and while most of the fanbase accepted it (thankfully the Gamers are reluctant to infest ow), some people threw what I can only describe as a hissy fit. At least her girlfriend’s a background character.

Second is Neeko from League of Legends. Unlike Tracer she was added a while before it was confirmed she was gay. LOL is much more toxic and filled with Gamers than OW and holy shit people smeared LOL so much.

Of course these are not accurate to Heavy/Medic. In both of the cases I listed it was girls being wlw and we all know how much cisgender heterosexual gamers LOVE yuri porn. Apparently only girls can be gay because they can jack off to it - if it’s two guys then it’s disgusting. Nevertheless I think these are good approximations - in every case the company gets “shat on” on social media and other sites. With the community that Valve has, I think even if they wanted them to be gay, they would never ever confirm it.

Conclusion

I’m sorry for that ending. I had to theorize a bit. Regardless I’d love if you shared this on other sites, reblogged or whatever - I wasted at least 1 and a half hours of my life on it. Feel free to cite this as a source if someone asks you why you ship the big heavy weapons expert and the feral battle medic.

[gladiatortale]

Baz Pitch Songs - Ben Platt

TL;DR: Baz’s anxious internal monologue lives in the lyrics of Ben Platt’s album, Sing to Me Instead.

I’ve been breaking my own heart for days now with this information and I need to share it with the WORLD. 

Okay so I am still an overflowing well of FEELINGS after reading Wayward Son, and in the wake of this I come to the conclusion that there is no better encapsulating soundtrack for the mood of this book than Sing to Me Instead. 

The entire album is a goldmine of angst and adult-ulescent zeitgeist (that shitty late teen/ early twenties age where nothing makes sense and there is no road map for anything). But I’m going focus on two song’s in particular that are so unbelievably Wayward Son Baz, that they smell like fucking cedar and bergamot. OKAY.

Song 1: Grow as We Go

Something I needed to continually remind myself as I was reading Wayward Son is that Baz doesn't actually know that Simon is thinking of breaking up with him. Nevertheless Baz’s pain, confusion, and ongoing identity crises - built out of months of stewing silently in between the first and second book - comes through in every single one of his actions. This is especially true in the book’s early chapters. 

To anyone who has been with a partner suffering from depression, the scenes in the flat and at the airport ring through as painfully familiar,

“He’s lovely. A bit of a sad mess. Dull and pale and rough around the edges. But still so lovely.” (Wayward Son, Chapter 9)

Baz loves Simon so much that it hurts him to even think of not being with him. And yet despite not actually knowing Simon’s intentions before Penny slammed a door on his face, (lol) Baz’s anxiety grows from a true fear of losing him; whether that’s losing him to someone else or to depression, the fear remains the same.

ENTER BEN PLATT.

The opening lyrics of Grow as We Go sound like they were written by Baz himself in a letter to Simon,

“You say there's so much you don't know You need to go and find yourself You say you'd rather be alone 'Cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else.” (Grow As We Go, Ben Platt)

(Knowing British people as I do, it’s a bit too much sharing all at once to be something Baz would say all at one time, but I’m getting off topic). These lines encapsulate the bleeding heart bargaining Baz feels as he worries Simon is slipping away from him, while at the same time focuses on the fact that Baz still feels they are destined to be together after everything they’ve survived so far. 

“Ooh, who said it's true That the growing only happens on your own? They don't know me and you.” (Grow As We Go, Ben Platt)

Baz would say to the rest of the world, even to Simon himself, that they make each other better by being together.

“I don't know who we'll become I can't promise it's not written in the stars But I believe that when it's done  We're gonna see that it was better That we grew up together” (Grow As We Go, Ben Platt)

There’s SO FUCKING MUCH to unpack so I’ll keep in brief. This entire passage links back to motifs from Carry On. 

Beginning with the star motif (which I could and MIGHT write a whole separate essay about); Stars have been known to appear during incredibly vulnerable, shifting moments in Simon and Baz’s relationship. We first see the motif when Simon shares his magic with in Carry On, and the motif reappears more with a more cautious, anxious tone in the back of Shepard’s truck withWayward Son. Which is why when it so poetically appears in this verse, it feels like the perfect match to Baz’s tone.

However, the real gut punch of this song comes when we examine this line from Chapter 11, in conjunction with the aforementioned section of the song,

“‘They’re not that far apart,’ I say. ‘Not to you; you grew up in a mansion.’ ‘I grew up at the top of a tower,’ I say. ‘With you’.” (Wayward Son, Chapter 11)

The final line of this section of the lyrics are SO important because they connect to these specific lines from Wayward Son painfully well. They encapsulate Baz’s wish to grow old (as much as he can… ohhh WE’RE GETTING THERE), more specifically to continue to grow old with Simon. Together these passages highlight that, despite Simon’s gradual attempts to pull away from Baz (ironically due to what Simon perceives as kindness), Baz still has faith enough in the strength of their relationship to try and keep them together.

In essence, go listen to the song. It’ll smash your heart into a million pieces, but you’ll still thank me for recommending it.

Song 2: In Case You Don't Live Forever

AAAAAAAAAAAAH. OKAY. 

Here’s where shit reeeeally hits the fan. I’m going to get the obvious out of the way right now. 

For the first time in the series, we see Baz actually confront the reality of his immortality in Wayward Son. I know there is still a question mark hanging above this statement because Baz is an semi-unreliable narrator and we only can know what he does, but his conversations with Lamb brings to light the true reality of his condition: Baz can, in theory, live forever. What is also frighteningly true - and a fact which Rowell herself hasn’t even fully articulated yet - is the fact that Simon, as far as we know, won’t live forever.

CUE BEN PLATT AND HIS SAD PIANO MUSIC.

“You put all your faith in my dreams You gave me the world that I wanted What did I do to deserve you?” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

This self-depreciative, I-dont-deserve-anything tone is PAINFULLY in line with Baz’s own internal monologue. Throughout the majority of Carry On (as well as the just under a decade which preceded the events of the book) Baz have lived convinced that Simon is going to kill him one day. When that inevitably DOESN'T happen and they end up together, Baz cannot believe his luck.

“I've waited way too long to say Everything you mean to me” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

AND DESPITE HIS PERCVIED SPECTACULAR LUCK, this FUCKING numpty waits until the LITERAL second to last page of the SECOND book to say how he really feels,

“I raise my voice: ‘Why cant you see that I wouldn’t be happy anywhere without you?’ He sits back, like I’ve slapped him.” (Wayward Son, p. 353)

This ties in beautifully with - so much so I was screaming at my desktop as I listened to it - the second verse of In Case You Don't Live Forever,

“I, I've carried this song in my mind Listen, it's echoing in me But I haven't helped you to hear it We, we've only got so much time I'm pretty sure it would kill me If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

Baz’s hesitation, whether born culturally out of a stubborn British habit not to share your emotions for fear of oversharing, or hesitation specific to his relationship with Simon, has kept him from speaking his mind. It has kept him from speaking about how deeply his life has been changed by Simon, and how fleeting and short their time together truly is.

WHAT MIGHT PROMPT BAZ TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS?? Perhaps the realization that Simon won’t live forever, that he has to say these things to him In Case You Don't Live Forever.

MIC DROP. 

Aaaaaand cue the saddest line of the song, please...

“In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth I'm everything that I am because of you” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

The absolutely heart wrenching scene (“Simon… love… get up. We still have to save Agatha.” NOPE. Still not over it!) as they fight The Next Blood in the dead spot, when considered together with Lamb’s words from earlier in the novel, is truly the moment when Baz realises he will lose Simon someday.

In this way therefore the song connects Baz’s internal monologue as it looks forward toward the events of Anyway the Wind Blows. 

Now. I would not DARE try to put words in Rowell’s mouth, but when viewed holistically with Baz’s final actions in Wayward Son (his realization of the temporality of Simon’s life against the length of his own, and his brash declaration that his life is hardly worth living without Simon in it) Platt’s song sets to music the logical trajectory of Baz’s emotional state and desires in a way I sincerely hope we see in this next and final novel.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

BONUS:

THESE LINES FUCKED ME SO MUCH I CAN’T EVEN B E G I N TO UNPACK HOW MUCH THIS IS JUST THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THE WAY BAZ SEES SIMON.

“I have a hero whenever I need one I just look up to you and I see one I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one.” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

GGGGGAAAAAAH  I’M DONE BEING ANALYTICAL. THAT LINE JUST FINISHED ME OFF. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you know of any fics where John has body dysmorphia or an eating disorder? Also, I’ve read almost every fic in your lists... what is your recommendation for a punch in the gut pining fic from either side? Thank you ever so, lovely

Hi Nonny!

Ah, I actually don’t read eating disorder fics because for personal reasons, but I have done a list SIMILAR to John dysmorphia here before: Insecure / Awkward John or Sherlock (Jan 2019). Alexx has a John is Insecure list you can check out there.

For Pining, I have a RIDICULOUSLY HUGE Pining Sherlock [MOBILE FRIENDLY VERSION] list at that link there and a Mutual Pining list too. And Pining John… well, I’ve been putting together a list for years because someone asked me for it ages ago, LOL. Sorry it’s not super long like my others (most of them are in the Mutual pining list, LOL)! I suppose I can use this opportunity to post up what I have sorted so far, LOL

PINING JOHN

See also:

Mutual Pining

Pining Sherlock [MOBILE FRIENDLY VERSION]

Where You Are by Mazarin221b (E, 2,478 w., 1 Ch. || Beach Sex, First Time, Fluff, Smut, Holidays, Pining) – He can admit he’s secretly a little glad Sherlock didn’t come with him. He needs a break. Sherlock is a handful at the best of times, and the near-constant apologizing, fixing, dealing-with, and following up on is exhausting. The near-constant unrequited attraction is a bit exhausting, too, to be honest, and John could really use a tiny bit of rest from the relentless hammering on his brain and heart.

Until the End of the World by SarahCat1717 (G, 3,049 w., 1 Ch.|| Angst, First Kiss, Pining Sherlock, Oblivious John, Drunkenness) – Taking place in Season 3, John listens to an old favourite song and sorts through his memories and feelings about Sherlock and Mary.

Out of Time by westernredcedar (T, 3,163 w., 1 Ch. || Wedding, Angst, Pining John, Sad Ending) – Somerset is a lovely place for a wedding, but what John hadn’t accounted for was the getting everyone there.

Between Asleep and Awake by katydidit (K, 4,309 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Sick Fic, Post-TRF / Reunion) – John is sick. Incredibly, extremely, dangerously sick. Plagued by a high fever, he begins to hallucinate, start seeing things that aren’t really there. Because they can’t be there. Can they?

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want by hubblegleeflower (E, 4,804 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Sexual Tension, UST / RST, First Time) – John wants. He always has, but now that he’s living with Sherlock again, it’s all he can do to hold it back. And Sherlock isn’t helping…

See Recipe for Details by pandoras_chaos (E, 4,981 w., 1 Ch. || Oral / Anal Sex, Food, PWP, Fingerfucking) – John knows Sherlock’s mouth will never water over the sweet smells of baking chocolate biscuits or a lovely roast chicken, but he’s watched Sherlock nick mince pies out of Mrs. Hudson’s fridge often enough to deduce that the man does have taste, albeit confusing and obscure. So John makes a list: Things Sherlock Likes

Strings by EstherShapiro (E, 5,267 w., 1 Ch. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Massage, Friends to Lovers, Fingering, Anal, PWP) – Sherlock wakes his doctor up. Was this weird? John was sitting on his bed, late at night, rubbing his hands over another man’s body? That was supposed to be weird, right? Then again, this wasn’t just some man, it was Sherlock. They were so used to each other that John didn’t even think to question it. It wasn’t weird.

EMERGENCY CONTACT: John Watson, RELATIONSHIP: Saint by blueink3 (M, 6,229 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt Sherlock, 5+1, Hurt / Comfort, Caring John, Scars) – The first time Sherlock Holmes realizes he needs an emergency contact is the first time he mentally appoints John Watson with the job. John, of course, does not know this and neither does the local hospital. Part 2 of The Emergency Contact Series

I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E, 7,692 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Victor Trevor, Jealous John, Miscommunications, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Anal, BJs) – They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband.

Sometimes When We Touch by kedgeree (M, 7,755 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss/Time, Inappropriate Giggling, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Virgin Sherlock, John Whump, Touching) – John might be touching Sherlock a little more often than is strictly necessary. Sherlock probably hasn’t even noticed. Right…?

Every Night I Look for You by destinationtoast (E, 8,377 w., 1 Ch. || POV John, Post-TRF, Angst, Mystery, Unsafe Sex, BAMF John) – Every night, John looks for familiar hints of Sherlock in the men he meets in bars, and he does with them all the things he wishes he’d done before. Eventually, he stumbles into a situation that Sherlock would know how to handle, and John must decide whether he can handle it without him.

Evening Ride by LapisLazuli (E, 8,632 w., 1 Ch. || Public Sex, Alternate First Meeting, Humiliation Kink, Groping, Frottage, Consent Issues, Come Play) – John has a series of unexpected meetings with a stranger on the Tube.

Ravish Me by amalnahurriyeh (E, 10,025 w., 1 Ch. || UST / RST, Makeup / Lipstick, Sympathetic Sally, Experiments, Pining John, First Kiss, Face Fucking / BJ’s, Cuddling) – Sherlock is experimenting with patterns of wear on lipstick in daily encounters. John is going to go insane.

Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) (M, 10,862 w., 10 Ch. || For a Case, Gay Bar, Pining, Coming Out, Slow Burn) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he’s NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won’t change anything between them. And then it does.

Johnlock Ficlet Collection by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 11,505+ w., 16/? Ch. [WiP] | Random Ficlets, Pining, Angst, Fluff & Smut, Parentlock, AU’s, First Kiss, Character POV’s) - Just a collection of Johnlock ficlets, originally posted on my Tumblr page.

Say For Me, Love by MirabileLectu (T, 13,147 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Drama, Pining John, Victor Trevor) – If you had asked John this morning what the result of his quiet afternoon at home would be, discovering a truth about Sherlock’s past startling enough to shift the foundations of their friendship would not have been his first guess. So naturally, that was what was bound to happen.

A Hundred Thousand Ways to Say the Name John by Jberry (E, 16,825 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, POV John, Pining John, Cruise Ship, Angst & Fluff, Case Fit) –  John Watson and Sherlock Holmes must solve a case on a cruise ship. To get close to the crew and passengers, they must get married for the case on the Baetica. However, their relationship hits rocky seas both due to the case and internal conflicts. Part 1 of Baetica

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w., 11 Ch. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. “You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie’s class and you won’t have to share a room with a stranger?” “Exactly.” Sherlock beamed at him. “Don’t worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us.”

The Wrong Wagon by DancingGrimm (E, 35,663 w., 20 Ch. || Alternating POV, Molly/John [Molly pines for John], Public Sex, Casual Sex, Obliviousness, BAMF!John, Awkwardness, Angst & Humour, First Time, Virgin Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock) – Molly sees John in a new light and realises that she may have hitched her horse to the wrong wagon…or something like that. John pines for Sherlock and worries what he will think if he ever finds out. And Sherlock doesn’t know what Molly’s up to…but he knows he doesn’t like it.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157 w., 4 Ch. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock, Wings) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w., 10 Ch. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

The Bells of King’s College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It’s only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths…

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

Secrets and Revelations by Hisstah (E, 83,535 w., 9 Ch. || Sentinel / Guides Omegaverse AU || Adventure, Violence, Anal / Oral, Omega!John / Alpha!Sherlock, Case Fic, Politics, Mild DubCon) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he’s kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock? Part 1 of Secrets and Revelations

A Case of Identity by jkay1980 (T, 91,009 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Fake Relationship, Case Fic) – John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought. Slowly, John discovers that he loves Sherlock not only in a friendly, brotherly way, but both men have to fight their own demons before they can think of taking their relationship to a new level…

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 159,368 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || 70′s Surfer AU || Period Typical Homophobia, Hawaii, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Professional Surfers, Gay John / Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John was a Sailor, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining) – All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That’s all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition. (PUBLISHED AS ‘The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone’)

[sleepykalena]

Ten Songs to Get You Through the Plague (Hallyu Edition)

How dare you all, daring me to make a list even though I declined because I said it was just a whole lotta kpop. :P

@skitzofreak, @crazy-fruit, and @funkygourmetrva-blog apparently REALLY wanna be “enlightened” or something like that so here it goes~

(under the cut because long post is long)

ON (BTS) - This song slaps, and is one of like...three(???) songs that I like from BTS. This is a straight-up fight song- it’s hesitant, a little scared, but embraces a self-professed insanity as a motivation to keep going, and that’s pretty damn inspirational (and also very Jyn, I must say. That’s been on my mind). This song and Mikrokosmos are helping me write Parka. Favorite Line(s): Can’t hold me down cuz you know I’m a fighter / 제 발로 들어온 아름다운 감옥 [translation: Carried myself into this beautiful prison] / I’m alright, bring the pain on, yeah / I’ma fight, bring the pain on, yeah

Mikrokosmos (BTS) - I love a good song that compares feelings of love and companionship to stars in a night sky. This baby got me through writing about half the chapters in Parka, and is gonna help me write the remaining 3-4 chapters before I move on to Scarf. Favorite Line(s):  어쩜 이 밤의 표정이 이토록 또 아름다운 건 / 저 별들도 불빛도 아닌 우리 때문일 거야 / You got me / 난 너를 보며 꿈을 꿔 / I got you / 칠흑 같던 밤들 속 / 서로가 본 서로의 빛 / 같은 말을 하고 있었던 거야 우린 / 가장 깊은 밤에 더 빛나는 별빛 [rough translation: It’s possible that the night is beautiful not because of the lights or stars, but because of us / You got me / I see you as I dream / I got you / in the darkest of nights / The lights we saw in each other / were saying the same thing / A starlight that shines brighter than the deepest night]

Bad Buy (Cover) (Eric Nam) - I was really uncomfortable with the idea of a female minor talking about how she’s the type to “might seduce your dad”, but under the lens of a “guy next door” in his late 20s/early 30s, it seems...more like a strange quirk than some lolita thing. But also, Eric Nam has no business being this attractive and making this super smooth cover. Seriously. No business whatsoever. *fans self* Favorite Line(s): Duh. (SERIOUSLY. That’s the favorite bit. I’m not even joking.)

Double Knot (Stray Kidz) - I heard the English version of this first and thought, “hot damn, these kids go HARD”. And then someone pointed out that they were literally singing about tying their shoelaces and now I can’t stop laughing. I actually have had this in my rotation because it helps me get in the mindset of the show I’ll be working on next (which has a similarly hilarious juxtaposition), because I hear this song and literally imagine a bunch of 13 year olds trying to act hardcore with a song as G-rated as this (I’m still laughing just thinking about it) Favorite Line(s):  Dramatic cutscene every scene is the best of the best / 'Cause my life is a five star movie / I'm not done yet so / Tight-tight, go brace yourself / I tighten my double knot

HIP (Mamamoo) - This song is a huge critique on the kpop industry and their rather restrictive and fat-shamey culture, and I AM HERE FOR IT. Plus these gals are just GORGEOUS. This one got me exposed to Mamamoo and I have zero regrets. Songs like this always make me feel super empowered <3 Favorite Line(s): 논란이 돼 My fashion / 별로 신경 안 써 그저 Action / 자꾸 Click me click me 홀린 듯이 Zoom / Close up close up close up HIP 해 [localized translation: Your controversy is my fashion / I don’t care, it’s just an action / Go and click me, click me, like a stan, you zoom / close up, cuz you know I’m HIP, hey]

Regular (NCT 127) - Pretty sure this has been living in my playlist for most of 2019, and it hasn’t changed much since. Definitely makes me feel like a baller while I (used to) commute in shitty traffic, so listening to it now that I’m practicing social distancing is more about mentally taking myself to a place of normalcy than anything else.  Favorite Line(s): I like shining, you be lying / I be grinding, you waste time / Know you wanna roll with me / Cause you know I put it down / When I show up, I’m the one and only, nah nah nah / Yeah, pull up in the jag / Haters gon’ be mad

Kill This Love (Blackpink) - This is also an empowerment anthem that also helped me get through my (former) commute! When you spend all this time indoors, you’re bound to overthink your life, so it’s nice to have a song remind you that you need to assess those relationships and, if the relationship is hurting you more than helping you, “kill this love”. Deffo applicable to your relationship with yourself (e.g. if you’re wallowing in negative thoughts on a detrimental level), or even with others on a platonic level. Favorite Line(s): 나 어떡해 나약한 날 견딜 수 없어 / 애써 눈물을 감춘 채 / 사랑의 숨통을 끊어야겠어 [translation: What do I do? I can’t stand being this weak / While I force myself to hide my tears / I need to bring an end to this love]

POP/STARS (K/DA) - My previous editor showed me this song at the start of this year before he left for a new show and it slaps so hard that I’m mad at how much of an earworm this is LMAOOOOOOOO (side note: has anyone noticed that I’m picking these songs based on how upbeat they help me feel since I’m stuck indoors all the time?) Favorite Line(s): Ain’t nobody bringing us / Down down down down down down / They could try but we’re gonna wear the crown / You could go another round / Round round round round round round / Wish you luck but you’re not bringing us down

Dr. BeBe (Pentagon) - The song is just really catchy. The lyrics is really possessive in a helpless kind of way, and that’s sort of the flaw with most pop songs, it’s also strangely self-aware of what it’s going through. So meta LOL Favorite Line(s):  너란 벽에 갇혀 몸부림쳐 / 상처 나도 / 벗어날 수 없는 울림 [translation: I’m stuck inside your walls / struggle to escape / and get hurt]

AND THE ONE SONG THAT ISN’T KPOP:

Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD) - Came for the two folks in Godzilla suits, stayed for the lyrical mastery. I think even my partner was shocked that I liked this song, but honestly? It goes pretty hard, it’s a bit rude and taunting, which is just the kind of salt that I sprinkle in my head. Plus it’s fun to try and get even a FRACTION of the speed that Eminem raps. Favorite Line(s): You're bringin' the killer within me outta me / You don't want to be the enemy of the demon who entered me / Or be on the receivin' end of me, what stupidity it'd be / Every bit of me's the epitome of a spitter / When I'm in the vicinity, motherfucker, you better duck / Or you finna be dead the minute you run into me / A hundred percent of you is a fifth of a percent of me / I'm 'bout to fuckin' finish you, bitch, I'm unfadable / You wanna battle, I'm available, I'm blown up like an inflatable / I'm undebatable, I'm unavoidable, I'm unevadable

Is there anyone left to tag? Making this post was exhausting, so tag yourselves if you want in LMAO

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Thirty-Three: The Phone is Ringing ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hiashi, Haruno Sakura, Hyūga Hanabi, Hyūga Neji ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

It takes exactly eight rings before the answering machine picks up.

When it does, a honey-sweet voice speaks.

“Hello! You’ve reached Hinata Hyūga. I can’t make it to the phone right now, but leave your name and your number, and I’ll c-call you back as soon as I can!”

She’s always hated how she stutters in it. After a dozen tries and every single one having at least one hiccup, she just gave up and took the last one. In part, she wonders if it’s played any roles in certain calls simply hanging up rather than leaving a message.

The machine is on a little table in the entryway of her apartment, the volume soft as not to be too terribly overheard by anyone walking by. Beside it is a little bowl where she typically keeps her keys, and a hook for her coat and purse. Today, all three are missing.

When the phone rings, it proceeds all the way to voicemail.

“Hinata, this is your father. This is the fourth time I’ve tried calling you the past two days, and you’ve still returned none of my messages. This is hardly becoming behavior, young lady. Something we’ll have to discuss once you finally get back to me. Your sister tells me you’ve been ignoring her texts. You can’t avoid us, Hinata. We’re family, no matter how disdainful you might find that to be.”

There’s the subtle sound of a landline being set back in its cradle, and then the apartment goes quiet again. A bright red 5 blinks along the screen, eager for attention.

No one gives it.

A few hours later, rain begins to pour. Carried by the wind, it impacts rather noisily against the windows that face the north, droplets exploding and slithering down the glass. The view from the fifth story blurs. Downtown is drenched in grey as the storm settles over, headlights a soft yellow as they struggle to cut through the gloom. Neon signs of downtown flicker and warp in the view through the water.

Just as the sun starts to go down, the phone begins to ring again. After eight tones with no answer, the machine picks up.

“Hey Hina! It’s Sakura. Just thought I’d check in on you - it’s been a while! Haven’t heard from you in a hot minute, and uh...figured I’d see if maybe you’d be down to hang for a while! I’m back in town next week for a conference, and I’d love to see you. I know you’re pretty busy, but hey, if you’ve got a spare hour or two while I’m around, let me know! Bye.”

There’s a few muffled background noises before the message cuts off completely. The 5 changes to a 6.

Night falls, and still the table remains empty save for the machine. Light creeps in around the main door, and a light on a timer in the kitchen flares to life. Otherwise, the apartment remains dark, and just as silent.

And so it goes until morning.

At seven am sharp, the phone is ringing once again. Once, twice, all the way to eight times.

“Hello Miss Hyūga. This is your supervisor Kurenai Yūhi. It was brought to my attention that you failed to appear at work yesterday with no prior notice. I know that you mentioned, in passing, that you had some...personal issues going on. But work policy mandates that, outside of an emergency, you give at least eight hours notice before a missed shift. If this happens again, I’ll have no choice but to write you up and place you on temporary suspension. You’ve been an exemplary employee during your three years with us, but I can’t make exceptions. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.”

The line goes quiet.

The table is empty.

The 6 becomes a 7.

Midafternoon, the ringing tone of the phone shrilly sounds five times...and then silence. On the phone’s caller ID, an obvious spam number displays. It leaves no message.

It’s nearly five o’clock when it rings again. And again. And again, until her pre-recorded message greets the silent apartment.

“...hey, ‘nata. It’s me, Hanabi. Look, uh...I’m seriously starting to get a little freaked out? You’ve never ignored me this long. Not even when I broke that old rabbit figurine Mom gave you. Please, just...let me know you’re okay? I dunno what I did to make you mad, or...maybe it’s not me you’re mad at. But I’m your sister. We might not always get along, but like...we’re sisters. Talk to me, ‘nata. If Dad’s being an asshole, just ignore him. But please...don’t shut me out. Okay? Love you…”

There’s a small, audible sigh...and then silence. The 7 blinks, and is reborn as an 8.

The rest of the evening passes quietly. The only interruption is a rowdy group of young men stumbling drunkenly past the door, the sober among them shushing for silence only to be ignored. They enter the apartment next door, where music begins to play and raucous laughter easily bleeds through the thin walls. But despite all of the rowdiness that carries well into the night, there’s no one home to complain.

The next morning, it’s foggy with a light misting of rain. Kurenai calls again and informs Hinata that her formal suspension is now in place. Should she miss one more day of work, she’ll be forced to terminate her employment.

The 8 becomes a 9.

A random number calls around ten, proclaiming that a recent fraud case in her town may have affected her identity, and to immediately call this number to confirm. Yet another clear case of spam.

9 makes way for the double digits of 10.

And then, in the early afternoon, another call.

“Hinata. This is your cousin Neji. Your father is furious that you have yet to return his calls, and is in the process of filing a missing person’s report. I implore you - if you are simply being obstinate - to drop this charade immediately before the police are forced to intervene. You know we can’t have a scandal like this in the family over a petty disagreement. Whatever Hiashi has done...surely it isn’t worth things becoming this complicated. Whatever has happened, you know I’m here for you. But this has carried on long enough. I only hope that...drama is all this is, and you aren’t in any trouble, cousin. Please call me as soon as you hear this message.”

...10 becomes 11.

The day continues to wane. The rain continues to fall. The machine continues to flash, seemingly desperate to be seen as the bright red numerical digits only get brighter as the ambient light fades.

...and then the door opens.

Heavy-footed, a figure steps in, exhaustion clear in their posture, but otherwise seemingly fine. A bag is tossed under the table, keys barely flung into the bowl. Coat still worn, she pauses as she spies the machine.

“...oh, s-shoot…”

A dainty finger presses the play button. The first message is a telemarketer, which she promptly deletes. The next four are from her father, and Hinata’s lips press into a thin, irritated line. Each message becomes more and more agitated, and a small part of her can’t help but feel satisfaction.

After all, he brought this all on himself.

Her gut twinges in guilt at Sakura’s message - she’ll have to call her back later. Kurenai’s earn a grimace. She has her mobile number...why didn’t she try there? Hanabi also makes her shoulders wilt guiltily. As soon as she’s done, she’ll shoot her a text. She just...hasn’t been in the headspace.

Neji’s, however, makes her swear. Sure, it probably looked bad, but...really? Really? What an idiot her father is...she’ll call Neji and let him know Hiashi can call off the stupid missing person’s case. And let him know that any drama isn’t her fault. That lies solely on her father’s stubborn shoulders!

But before she gets to any of that, she takes out her cell and scrolls through her contacts, finding the appropriate name before calling. It rings once, twice, three times.

“Hello?”

“Hey...I’m home.”

“Oh, good. Glad you made it okay. So, uh…?”

“I’ll talk to my landlord tomorrow. It’s g-going to take some doing. I don’t have much, but some should probably go into storage…”

“That’s fine. I think there’s units near my place, so we can just put what you don’t want in there.”

“All right. Um...I think I might have gotten fired…”

“Oh shit, really?”

“I’ll call Kurenai here in a minute, but...for some reason she never bothered with my mobile. And I was just so out of it…”

“Well, hopefully she’ll understand. Anyone else?”

“Family, mostly...my father being r-ridiculous. Hanabi was worried, and Neji. But I’ll talk to them, too. They aren’t going to be happy…”

“Sometimes you have to think about your own happiness, Hinata. This is what you want, right…?”

“It is.”

“...I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I don’t. I told you they’d react like this. I knew they would...it’s my fault for being so quiet about it, but...I just didn’t want to deal with it after telling him. I needed a few days. Seems even that was enough for them to go ballistic…”

“All the more reason to stick to your decision.”

“I know...thank you, Sasuke.”

“We’ll make this work, with or without them. I love you.”

“...I love you too. I better go, though...I’ve got a l-lot of phone calls to make before I can call it a night.”

“All right. You need anything, just let me know. We’ll get you moved in and settled down. And if the job thing fell through, we’ll find you something new. Maybe even something closer.”

“Yeah...I just really like this job...I feel d-dumb for not calling in, I just…”

“Well, talk to Kurenai. Maybe she can pull some strings for you.”

“Maybe…”

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay? Get things straightened out, and call me when you’re done. We can plan from there.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Hearing the line go quiet, Hinata ends the call and sighs. Just the first of many...it’s going to be a long night. Glancing to the 0 on her message machine, she makes her way in to her sitting room and dials the next number.

Here we go...

                                                            .oOo.

     This is really random, and uh...I really dunno what it is xD The suspense concept kinda just hit me, and I rolled with it as best I could given how day tired and burnt out I am, lol      But in case it isn't clear: Hinata told her father she's planning on moving in with Sasuke because they're dating. Mister Uptight Jerkface decided to throw a huge tantrum because traditionalism and being a controlling father. Hinata thus just...disappeared for a few days at Sasuke's place, hence missing all the calls (and ignoring texts because she just...did NOT want to deal with that).      I dunno if I really managed to make it as suspenseful as I wanted, with the question of whether or not something had REALLY happened to her. But I tried - I don't write this sort of thing very often xD      Buuut anyway, it's late, and I have yet another looong day ahead of me tomorrow. So just a warning: I might not post tomorrow. I know I'm abysmally behind, but this whole situation is VERY draining, and I'd rather be late than post garbo for these entries.      That said, I'll do my best. But no promises. For now though, I need to get some sleep! Thank you for reading~

[thecloserkin]

fic rec: Where the Heart Is by Alixtii

fandom: Folgers “Home For the Holidays” Commercial

pairing: Folgercest

word count: 19k

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Is it ever

Is it endgame: Yes!!

Is it shippable: Yesssss

First off if there’s anyone who has not yet read the epic GQ Folgercest Fandom 10-year-retrospective which i still can’t believe was written by a bona fide journalist, RUN DO NOT WALK over there and do it now. I find it hard to believe there’s anyone with an internet connection who hasn’t seen it?? It’s fucking ubiquitous, there’s a finance & economics blog I follow that linked it lol.

There’s so many Folgercest stories where the tension builds & builds and I respect this one for being like NOPE here’s an explicit sex scene in the first chapter, merry christmas to MEEEEE. I thought the sex was dope but I also think it serves the important function of getting the “longing” & “pining” components out of the way so we can take seriously that the whole “go on the run & get fake married” proposition is a big ask. Luke asks Lexie to come away to Africa with him, and it takes her the seven days of Christmas + New Year’s to say “yes” (with Auld Lang Syne playing in the background)—ngl I may have emitted an actual squeeing noise when she said yes.

The setup for the New Year’s Kiss occurs as soon as Luke arrives home from Africa:

”it’ll be our first New Years after turning 21. We rented a limo and everything. Jane and her boyfriend just broke up a couple of weeks ago, though, so we have an extra ticket if you want to come."

This is pretty nearly “I accidentally-on-purpose brought my brother as a date” territory—it’s not the Most Formal of Formal Events like a wedding but it still puts her brother in a role her romantic partner would normally occupy, and we can expect either (1) lots of “is he single??” female interest or (2) fake relationship!!! Spoiler alert there wasn’t enough fake relationship to satisfy my trope-loving ass but when he let his teleconferencing coworkers assume the hot girl who wandered into camera range was his girlfriend that made me a happything.

It’s a very absorbing story with gobs of Catholic guilt thrown in but the thing that shook me most about this fic is probably that the alternative to “another round of morning sex” is “let’s build a snowman.” Like!!!! Could anything have been better calculated to push all my buttons.

Luke didn't expect to return to find her still a virgin--hell, he's not even sure she was a virgin when he left. Still, he can't help wonder how many times she's done this, with how many boys, and feels an incredible irrational, hypocritical resentment against them for defiling his sister.

This, THIS right here is what I came for. She’s still his baby sister and he can’t turn off a lifetime’s worth of protective instincts even if he’s the one defiling her now. It crops up again with his discomfort at her holding a beer he’s like is she even old enough to drink??? Lmao.

Btw I have zero complaints about the quantity of sneaking-around that occurs in this fic: They make out in their mom’s kitchen when Mom herself could pull into the driveway at any minute!! They park the car in the woods and give each other handjobs!!! Incredible. “What are we, teenagers again?” Luke wonders, and the entire point is they’re not, even if the woods are crawling with teenagers they are adults, and they’re making up for lost time. Luke made a conscious decision five years ago to leave rather than initiate a relationship with Lexie:

”I needed to get away so I could find myself. But, yeah, one of the things I needed to get away was that I couldn’t help spending every moment thinking about how much I wanted to fuck my sixteen-year old sister.”

Lexie studies him, curious. “And did that work?”

Luke shrugs. “Did I stop thinking about it? No. But at least it kept me from doing something I would regret.”

Lexie nods, thoughtful. “I’m not sixteen anymore, you know.”

“You’re still my sister,” he points out.

Oof. It’s a very different dynamic when you try to navigate these shoals as adults, instead of the scenario where you move seamlessly from platonic forehead-kisses to tongue-kisses. I appreciate Luke for attempting to do the whole courtship dance, take her out to the skating rink and the fancy French restaurant and meanwhile Lexie just wants to cuddle.

He said, “You never opened your present yesterday.” She smiles at him, a lascivious grin. “I really think I did.”

Damn but this callback to the iconic “You’re my present this year” line is unalloyed genius.

I did not expect this OC their cousin Gwen to play such a big role. She’s crushing on Luke and she ain’t subtle about it and since Luke can hardly tell his cousin “I’m not interested because I’m already fucking my sister,” the whole situation makes for comedic gold. At one point Lexie makes a quip about her and Gwen having similar taste in men and I was DYING:

“Oh, she was hitting on you hard,” agrees Lexie, “Not that I can blame her. She doesn’t know you’re already taken.” Luke puts his head in his hands. “God, this family is so fucked up.” “It could be worse,” points out Lexie. “It could have been Aunt Mary.”

That Lexie has got quite a mouth on her. The point of Gwen isn’t that Lexie feels threatened by her interest in Luke; it’s that Gwen may be a vexatious person who inserts herself where she is not wanted but she’s still family, and Luke and Lexie choose to take her wasted ass home with them rather than allow Gwen’s mother to witness her inebriated condition. Because you stick by your family. Even if it cuts into your limited one-on-one time with bae because now you have third wheel Gwen.

Side note I love that Luke is a huge nerd who’s lugged a whole roster of interesting books back from Africa, I realize this is a Folgercest fic and not a book blog but I swear my TBR just grows of its own volition. The payoff for all this geeking out on Luke’s part is, he gets a concussion and has a pretty surreal dream featuring some real, some fictional characters, and a good dollop of his own id. Later on, Lexie and Luke are quoting poetry at each other and when he casually dropped a line from’Tis Pity She’s a Whore I was legit s c r e a m i n g. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, Tis Pity She’s a Whore is a Jacobean revenge tragedy prominently featuring a pair of incestuous siblings and while the genre is incompatible with happy endings, the incest is not presented at all unsympathetically. It’s worth reading even if you’re not into incest, it’s that wild of a ride.

All right folks this is how we go out with a bang:

The last five years--the last twenty-eight years, really--may have been long and difficult as he was forced to lose and find himself, but he knows they were all worth it, because they culminate in this moment. This is who he is: brother, lover, and companion, until death do them part.

they’re SOULMATES i can now die happy