#wanna study abroad more in Germany!!!!

[skitskatdacat63]

i know you are studying languages, how many do you speak/understand at like … i could get around here level fluency?

So, I've studied German, Russian, Latin and Japanese.

German is definitely my best, I started studying it probably about 8 years ago and have studied it for most of those years. I think it's just difficult to get fluent bcs it really depends on your teacher and environment. I think I could survive w it tho, I was pretty okay with it, and even improved, when I was in Austria and Germany. It's more of a confidence thing honestly. I think if I was there for more than a month, I'd definitely improve even more!

Russian is probably my second best, it's only been tho 2 years or so. I'm good at the basics, but I've not gotten any real world experience so :/ and my prof rn is so bad djkfkfl love her tho <3 I think I need to watch more Russian media like I do with German bcs that def helps. I think I'd be okay at getting around in a Russian speaking country, but mostly just basics.

I've forgotten most of my Japanese unfortunately ah :( but that was only like 2 years, and Latin is of course a dead language so there's not a lot of ways to apply it(but I'd like to get better with it)

[anonymous-bastard]

Immigrating to Germany

Wanna move to Germany? I collected a few links. Just because I like my country and think it's a decent place to live. Though to be fair politically things are currently messy so you know. Research that.

Would be interesting to know more how it is in other countries too, wouldn't it? First hand experience and english speaking countries especially.

These are all either from official government websites or directly linked to by the government. Because I am decently sure I can trust them as sources.

Most important, the German foreign office

Moving in general:

Studying in Germany as a student from abroad because our universities are pretty great and cheap so I that's a reason lots of people move:

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hey, you're from Germany, right? Do you have any tips for writing a German character? Most specifically, a German character studying abroad, and another character placed in Germany working In a office.

Things like relationships (familial, platonic, and romantic), office culture, normal habits, and cultural shocks a German may have would be very appreciated!

Sorry if this ask is tiresome. Thank you so, so much! <3

As always, Germans are like other people. Different personalities, different opinions, different worldviews — every German is different. So, you have a lot of options to build your character with a unique character.

That being said…

Studying abroad/living in Germany

So…I assume studying in ’merica, aye? I have been there when I was a teeny tiny cat but I have also heard stuff from people who have studied abroad. And uhhhh Germans hate Americans lol (though this could also be a European thing, not a German thing).

We make fun of your school system a lot. I don’t wanna be mean but things like education, school safety, your food etc. are often victims of our dark humour. A friend of mine was studying abroad and the people could genuinely not tell what exactly Germany is. Is it a country? A continent? A city?

Adding to that, she was overwhelmed with things like “Do you know Hitler?” or “Are you a Nazi?”

Bro…we spend months and years learning in detail about our country’s history. We visit concentration camps. We watch movies from that time, analyse in detail how the people got manipulated. We read books the victims wrote. Germany still imprisons people who are a hundred years old. Germany is well aware of its past. It’s also aware that something like this cannot happen ever again.

Since that was a bit deep uhhhh let’s go over to food. I dunno about y’all but from what I’ve heard…you’re ordering food for dinner and eat it on paper plates…? Look that’s what I’ve heard and I gotta tell you that most Germans eat bread and Brötchen for dinner (though this is also changing, a lot of people are cooking warm meals for dinner nowadays).

And — can’t stress this enough — Germans love bread. When you go into a supermarket, the first thing you’re gonna see is a bakery.

And inside the supermarket is also a mini bakery.

We love it. Can’t really live without it.

Germans complain (at least here in the East). You go out with friends? Instantly complaining about your stupid neighbours. You go to the club? Instantly complain how lame it is. You went somewhere for a special occasion? Instantly talking about everything that went well and all the things you would’ve loved to be better.

Germans love football (soccer). Personally, I hate it more than anything. But Germans love it. It’s insane to me. They sit in the stadium and scream…definitely has something Romanesque to it.

I’d say most people have a rather difficult relationship with their parents. Generational trauma is a big thing. I mean, Germany being split and being reunited is a big part of my parents’ childhood. And since healthy communication wasn’t really a thing back then, most parents just don’t really know how to communicate with their children. So, I’d rather say it’s kinda messed up? Again, I can’t speak for everyone but that’s just what I’m getting from talking to my friends etc.

It’s not that they don’t love us, it’s just that they cannot always show it when we need it.

I believe it is best if you watch a few TikToks of people who aren’t from Germany experiencing Germany, they can definitely tell you about all the different things way better. For example this one is about “language,” cake, grocery stores, German windows lmao, and this German tiktok icon making fun of Americans.

I hope this is somewhat helpful? I’m not working in an office, so I can’t tell you much about that, unfortunately but maybe someone on Tiktok could help you with that. People documenting their life is a pretty good source of information. (Other than that do not trust TikTok ever!!!)

[ikyw-t]

.

[gemsofgreece]

You mentioned "This hate propaganda had made quite a few young Greeks feel ashamed of their ethnicity a few years ago and I knew quite a few that were glorifying North Europe beyond belief and reason" could you elaborate on that please? I've been thinking about such things lately and I think that might be me. Also could you talk about your friends' treatment in Germany you mentioned? if that's OK of course. Άντε να δούμε τι άλλες μαλακίες έχω εσωτερικεύσει χωρίς να το καταλάβω

When I was in high school and during the first years of college - the crisis peak period - most of my classmates loathed Greece and being Greek. Some had so much toxicity about our country that I felt really uneasy around them, it really brought me down. Their hate went far beyond the sad truth that young Greeks have to emigrate in order to find a good job relevant to what they studied and fast, due to the sky-high Greek unemployment. This I understand and sometimes I think that it is the route I will eventually be forced to take myself if I have no luck for the next year or so. But that was different. It wasn’t about a tough but necessary choice to emigrate. It was loathing for ourselves and our country. When I tried to reason with them, everyone would pretty much give me the same answer: Greece is not just a bad country but the worst country ever. Lame and undeveloped compared to the west and worse than the east too, in some vague way they could not explain. Greeks are the worst people on earth. Yes, they have nothing to do with the Ancient Greeks. The Germans are right about everything. We are a lie. Who are the closest to the Ancient Greeks if they were the indigenous people of this region and up to our great great great great grandfathers we are also born in this region?, I would ask. Nobody else is indigenous here. Why are we the only ones who speak the Greek language? Why has it never been objectively scientifically suggested that the Greeks perished entirely? And why would they? The Romans were not violent. The Byzantines were the Greeks. The Turks only stayed 300 years or so and some mixed with us. Why do you think everyone else stayed the same but it’s specifically the Greeks who just vanished into thin air? They would raise their shoulders. Doesn’t matter. The Northern Europeans are truer Ancient Greeks than we are, like they themselves correctly say. What makes you say that, I would ask again. Well, better development. Functioning state. Strong economies. Equals Ancient Greeks. I would shake my head. Well you know so little of the Ancient Greeks, I would think. I don’t care, I just want to escape from this shithole and go to west Europe although they hate us there, understandably. UNDERSTANDABLY??? Yeah, they said cos we Greeks are lazy and stupid and backwards and they are not, they are so intelligent and light years ahead of us and more hardworking. So my classmates were telling me as they tried to study simultaneously for five classes and for six frontistiria that they would go to in the evening plus their hobby and sports courses that they wouldn’t give up on and they would try to fit in there, despite their exhaustion. So they would say despite their parents hitting 12 and even 16 hours in their jobs, which Northern Europeans simply do not do. And Greece is overrated, I have googled this place, it looks prettier, that’s where I wanna go. Well sure it looks stunning but why do you think Greece is overrated? Where have you travelled in Greece? I haven’t travelled much... How many islands have you been in? I haven’t... oh just one, the closest. How many mountains have you explored? What mountains? Our mountains, dude! Greek mountains! Oh we have mountains in Greece?! I didn’t know... I have mostly been around my own prefecture. But it doesn’t matter cos Greece is shit and Greeks are horrible, everyone knows it. You speak of your own people now. Well yeah. Your family, you. You are raised the Greek way. Oh not me, I am different. Why? Because I get the progressive western lifestyle where they have figured everything out. Everything? Yes, positively so. And I think like them. Okay, I would think, but so do the other 10 Greeks I spoke to today...

Mysteriously, after they achieved their dream and got away, a majority would start posting increasingly melodramatic posts about missing Greece and wanting to return, or at least be there at summer. And then you would meet them, more grown now, and they have that good old quote hanging from their tongues 24/7 “There’s no place like Greece after all” and I roll my eyes so hard because I have lived it so many times. Of course, many stayed abroad and actually preferred it there but these are fewer by comparison - the majority either returns or stays for the money but whines all night and day about not being here.

*The part about my friends has been removed after a few days, like I explained in the beginning, for privacy reasons.

[smutty-ki113r]

ok so abt helen and jason. they came by for some discussion with hoodie, masky and toby. Toby asked if I wanna come along to meet them and I said no. but he dragged me along anyways lol. they both were super polite and shook my hand (●ˇ∀ˇ●) jason told me he likes my hair :> after they were done with their discussion, I had a nice conversation with the both of them. since I made a few dolls in the past and paint pretty often, we had topics to talk abt. yeah and then they left again.

I do clowny makeup sometimes. I don't use the white base tho lol. I will order myself some clown gloves v soon :>

SORRY ME AND TOBY CALL SLENDERMAN DADDY SLENDY AS A JOKE AND I FORGOT U DIDN'T KNOW!! we call him that because a lot of the fans say he is a father figure u know?

istg if ben every gets bored of u, cmere bby 🥺 u r so amazing wth?!how could one get bored of u?

gaslit? hm ig that's a good name for it. I was never really able to explain what exactly happened, but gaslighting is v accurate. yeah I spent a lot of time with ppl who just used me to feel better abt themselves. but I learned from it :>

ly bestie! hope u have an amazing day !! also lil funfact: i am from germany hehe, do with that what u will

-🃏

Looking at the time zones rn. RIGHT NOE. My cousin studied abroad there!!

AWWWE that sounds so wholesome! If you don’t mind me asking how do you have your hair? I just ordered some white base so I can try doing Jeff makeup which is probably gonna come out HORRIBLY. But I’m gonna try anyway!!

Well?? Is slender really like a father figure??!

It’s more so than he’d get tired of me. Or cause I get super nervous around boys especially him god damn.

Gaslighting- Basically twisting your version of reality and denying that it happened. Therefore invalidating your perspective and events that might have happened. “You’re just making that up”

Victimizing- when someone blames you for something and acts like the victim. Makes you feel hella guilty. “I’m always the bad guy right?”

Invalidating- disregarding your feelings or making them less important than they should be. “You’re overreacting” or just saying it’s not real.

Love bombing- when someone says they love you after making you feel bad and try to influence you with temporary affection.

I’m proud of you for learning from it, but in no way did you ever deserve it. It was not your fault, those people manipulated and used you. You will always be better than them.

[mithliya]

I was learning german in school, and I would’ve liked to have done a master’s there, but tbh I forgot about the language required until I was thinking about applying and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I’m pretty sure I won’t have the opportunity to study there now because semesters abroad don’t exist at the master’s level. 🙃

if you want to do other degrees, afaik germany is generally quite affordable to study in! it’s one of the biggest reasons why i moved here. the living standards are quite high tbh but i think it’s not too bad compared to the area i lived in in the US & not much more than the UK,, and unlike both those countries uni is way more accessible to others. a degree thatd cost me 30-40k per year in the UK would only cost me like 1000 here

(also if u ever wanna practice german… im always looking for more excuses to use the language; gotta get used to it since im gonna be doing my degree in german 😫)

[tricktster]

Honestly, I cannot say enough about my german study abroad program, in no small part because the people i met through it were the wildest bunch i have ever met. We had:

Me, a cursed American stumbling through increasingly unlikely and unfortunate situations, including:

getting arrested and hauled off in a cop car for the serious crime of not transcribing the five digit number printed on the back of my bus ticket onto the front of my bus ticket

slipping on dog poop on a crowded street while running late for class (leading a number of tourists to run over and photograph me in my undignified heap on the cobblestones) only to suffer one final indignity when i had to leave my poop shoe out in the hall outside the classroom, and subsequently discovered after class that it had been (correctly) identified as garbage by the custodian, and had been disposed of

spending the entire month of November with essentially no money after a bank error caused me to be cut off from my US checking account, thereby forcing me to figure out how to survive by my wits alone in a series of schemes, cons, and 1€ sausages

burning my thumb so badly on an oven in an attempt to make the world’s worst stuffing for the world’s saddest expat thanksgiving that my friends all had an intervention where they gave me a single black glove to wear because it was grossing them all out.

Enough about me. There were also my closest friends:

L , a horrendously wealthy New Englander who would drop lines in her stories like “so we were all smoking opium in my parents library,” and, “so every time my room gets too dirty, i just move to the next one down until the whole wing is filthy.” In spite of everything I’ve just said, she was also a genuinely good and incredibly fearless person who would throw fists without hesitation if she thought anyone was insulting her friends. She had a weird sexual relationship with her obscenely wealthy family friend in Frankfurt, which the rest of us suspected maybe been part of a business deal that their parents arranged at birth. It was better than Game of Thrones, honestly.

Y, a four foot tall Puerto Rican that I met when we were both walking down the street kind of near each other and some wild impulse called me to say to her, without so much as an introduction, “Yeah, you walk pretty cool, but if you wanna walk REAL cool, you gotta do it like thissssss,” while kinda lunging around. Just as inexplicably, she chose to continue talking to me, and several months later the two of us ended up making a harrowing 2:00 am escape from the private bar of a frat house that we had suddenly noticed had an awful lot of Nazi memorabilia on the walls for a frat located in a country that had criminalized the display of Nazi symbols. “Why are you leaving?” The frat-nazis complained as we bolted. “You will come back tomorrow afternoon for the barbecue, ja?” “Ahahhahaha nein fucking way, motherfucker,” Y muttered under her breath as we smiled and nodded politely all the way out the private garden, through the enormous iron gates, and out into the night. Once we were in the clear, we stared at each other, shaken, until Y broke the silence. “Welp. Those guys were Nazis. That actually just happened. I can’t.... man, I dunno, i’m still processing, let’s just go get some fucking falafel.”

We did.

S, the Australian, who one time invited me over to her apartment, opened the fridge, grabbed a plate of cheese, shoved it under my nose while going “HERE SMELL THIS!” and while i lurched away, gagging, cheerfully added “IT’S REALLY FOUL, RIGHT? ONE OF THE WOST THINGS I’VE EVER SMELLED!!” She was also absolutely obsessed with High School Musical, and was very disappointed every time the Americans shattered one of her illusions about the US public school system.

K, the girl from New Zealand, who had broken up with her serious boyfriend shortly before leaving for Germany, causing her to mourn his loss every time she got drunk by describing his penis with increasingly strange metaphors, such as “like a big wax candle but part of it’s gone,” and “like one leg off a spider.”

So, i had a pretty solid crew of five big weirdos. But there were, naturally, more people than the five of us in our program. For example:

R, from Minnesota, who dressed like she was about 72 and glared at anyone who was laughing too loudly near her because “i just don’t think jokes are funny.” More importantly, she would post facebook videos of herself reciting, entirely sincerely and in a steady monotone, the worst fucking poems that I have ever heard. She posted them under a pen name that was along the same lines as “the lyrical falcon.” She was in a feud with not one but two poetry clubs at her christian college, and while she never admitted this, all evidence suggested that it was because they both kicked her out. She was the Tommy Wisseau of poems. They were so bad they looped back around to good. Also, one time on the train she told me that she liked to think that she was a very good kisser because she played the french horn so she had strong mouth muscles. when i finally recovered from the mortal blow that she just delivered my soul, I asked her if she blew into people when she kissed them, and she got so insulted that she blocked me from her facebook poetry page. let me back in, R. please, if you’re reading this, let me back in.

They’re good poems, R.

Zoolander, from Pennsylvania, who was so, so handsome, but so, so, so dumb. One time he told me about this dream he had, and it was just an entire episode of Dexter’s lab. No changes or anything, he just... dreamed that he was watching that episode, and then the whole thing played in his head until it was done. He said it was the best dream he’d ever had. I once watched him pick up the same coin off the street four times because he couldn’t figure out that his pocket had a hole in it. When he noticed me, he said excitedly “Somebody left money everywhere!”

Juan, who constantly confused all the kids from Spain who went up to talk to him in their native tongue, only to discover that he was a very sarcastic man from Liverpool who didn’t speak a word of Spanish and was sick of everyone trying to bond with him. He only liked the Americans, because that’s where the tv show Family Guy was from, and only the Americans liked him, because we tend to like surly british assholes for basically no reason. At the end of the program while we were all saying our goodbyes, he came up to me, looking really upset. “I can’t believe it,” He said, uncharacteristically serious. “I can’t believe it’s all over and i’ll never...” He looked like he was about to cry.

“Oh, dude, we can keep in touch on facebook or something?” I fumbled. He blinked.

“What? No, no, ugh, it’s just the last day of the program and I’ve LOST MY FOOKIN SCARF!” he roared.

God, I know this is weird, but I still really miss that guy.

The Croatian: There was a dude from Croatia in my apartment building who outright refused to tell me his name, because, “It’s an embarrassing word in English. You’d laugh.” I badgered him for five months, until finally, his defenses down, after many earnest promises that no matter what his name was, I would not laugh, he relented.

“My name is Tin.” He said sheepishly.

His name was fucking Tin.

Beardy, Beardo, Redbeard, and Weirdbeard: four drastically different young men from all across our beautiful planet who had one thing in common: thinking that they’d try out a beard while they were abroad. We always admired them from a distance, and compared their beards’ various unique and bad properties, until one day Beardy (who was australian and had developed a sort of flesh colored goatee) walked up to S, his countryman, in a club. “DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?” he yelled, trying to get her attention, but she was in a dance-off with K, and didn’t notice, so he tapped her shoulder. She whirled around, startled, and upon recognizing him, said without thinking, “OH, HI BEARDY!”

The song faded out.

Beardy stared at S.

“...Did you just call me ‘Beardy?’” he asked quietly. S looked like a deer in the headlights. She glanced towards me, hoping for an out, but I, dear reader, was laughing too hard to be of any use.

“You did,” he went on, “you called me ‘Beardy!’ Why!?”

“Cuz of your beard, probably. That’s a better name for you than Josh.” Zoolander interjected from out of nowhere, strolling out of the club, a beautiful woman on each arm.

“My name isn’t Josh...” Beardy tried to call after him.

“Who’s name isn’t Josh? Oh! Beardy!” A drunk K could be heard deducing from the back of the room.

He shaved it a week later, but the damage was done. He was Beardy for the rest of the semester.

When I look back on that period of my life now, I can’t help but reflect - with the clarity one only gets from experience - that my time in Germany was not as weird as I thought it was at the time. I lacked the perspective to see that it was all, actually, absolutely bonkers batshit nuts. It was some sitcom shit.

All in all, I highly recommend it.

[alltootaylorswt]

I though I'd introduce myself again so here are 13 facts about ME! :

1. My name is Kaya 💛

2. I live in Germany near Düsseldorf🇩🇪

3. I'm 19 years old

4. I've seen Tay 3 times live (1989 cologne, Rep Manchester, JBB'19 in London)💛

5. I became I full hardcore swiftie in 2015 after I saw her live💓

6. My stan songs are Delicate and Cruel Summer🌷

7. Reputation is my favorite album & my favorite era!!🖤

8. I'm so thankful for all the friends I've made through Taylor!!👭

9. My favorite seasons are spring and summer🌼

10. I love doing sports and I used to be a swimmer until last summer🏊🏻

11.I study statistics at Uni

12. I definitely wanna study one semester abroad either in LA or London��

13. I love Taylor more than anything!! 💗💛💗

@taylorswift @taylornation

[zd772]

Expert Interview with Professor Piero Garofalo

The following contains edited excerpts from an hour-long interview conducted with Professor Piero Garofalo from the UNH Italian Studies department. Professor Garofalo is a professor of Italian Studies and the coordinator of the Italian Studies program. He has recently taught linguistics and film studies for the Italian department. When he came to UNH there was no Italian program so he was essentially hired to introduce Italian to UNH. He developed many of the Italian courses that UNH offers, started the department’s study abroad program, and worked with others to get the Italian minor and major developed. His research experience, which can be explored in more detail here, includes explorations of culture and cultural production within certain periods, fascism’s relation to this, and internal exile in fascism, to name a few areas of interest. For my interview, we discussed fascism, populism, and media.

Disclaimer: The content is edited for length and clarity, but the meanings behind the answers are not altered. The full transcription can be accessed here for more information. The format shares highlights of quotes or responses on specific topics which demonstrate my understandings as well as Professor Garofalo’s expertise.

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Interviewer: Zoe Dawson (ZD), senior Communication student at UNH

Interviewee: Piero Garofalo (PG), professor and program coordinator for Italian Studies Department at UNH

---

On the topic of fascism in relation to our course (p. 2):

ZD: So I’ve looked into your research on the COLA website and I saw that you had some research focus on fascism (PG: Mhm) so first I thought I would share a few of the things that I’ve learned in this class so maybe we can have a conversation about that or hear about your research... So, in a reading by Federico Finchelstein from my class, we read that “Fascism was founded in Italy in 1919 but the politics it represented appeared simultaneously across the world.” (PG: *nods head*) And then, also he talked about Mussolini’s version of [fascism] being that “the creature was bigger than the creator,” which I thought was interesting. And so those two points, I thought, were significant in relation to Italy.

PG: Yeah. So, I think Federico Fincehlsltein is, I think he’s Argentinean (ZD: *nods head*). I’ve read several of his studies and he does a really good job of taking concepts like fascism, in particular, fascism and populism, and globalizing them beyond the usual suspects. So instead of just looking at fascist Italy and Nazi Germany, he’ll look at Latin America and different movements to kind of give a broader perspective.

I definitely agree about what he said about fascism in Italy in the sense of, the term itself obviously comes from Italian. Preceding Mussolini there was a movement in Sicily called The Fasci Siciliani. Fascia really is just a bundle. It’s a bundle of rods or sticks. So, that movement was really a workers’ union, almost like a unionized attempt to form a union against these large landowners and that movement was suppressed. The government intervened and they were striking and twenty-two of them, twenty-two of the strikers, were killed. And that’s a very different type of movement than what Mussolini was doing (ZD: Mhm), even though the origin of the term is the same. Yeah, so we have this movement in Italy that begins in 1919 and takes on the name of fascism, and that term kind of ends up being, you know, good PR (ZD: *laughs*) and has a lot of success internationally and becomes sort of the default term, kind of becomes overused today right? We talk about ‘fascist, anti-fascist’ without contextualizing the terms.

And yeah, I think it also, the second part that you mentioned, I think it definitely did grow much beyond what he was trying to do or thought of. And so, when we talk about fascism, even within that historical context, we need to be careful about what we mean because Italian fascism is different from Spanish fascism from the 1930s, from German Nazism, and so on and so forth, but even though they share many commonalities and a similar sort of source within each of those societies.

On the connections between fascism and populism (pp. 6-9):

ZD: … I have a few questions related to what I’m about to say, but also in our class we’ve learned about the idea of modern populism as being a post-fascist idea, and also being like a reformation of fascism in post-war contexts so what are your thoughts in relation to Italy since fascism was so prominent?

PG: Yeah I understand the definition, but I don’t know that I necessarily agree with that definition because there are many movements that I would describe as populist which I would not describe as fascist (ZD: *nods head*). If populism is also sort of this mass reaction to the elite, we hear that rhetoric a lot. We talk about Trumpism as a form of populism, you hear that rhetoric against the liberal elites and that sort of thing. You know, there was the Occupy Wall Street movement, which was the 99% against the 1%. You could even think about Black Lives Matter movement, as a grassroots movement or people reacting against the elite, the people in power, the people who’ve created a system that doesn’t allow them to flourish.

In Italy, we have two movements, in your blog you talk about them both. We have the League, the Northern Leagues which now have expanded beyond just being the Northern Leagues, that are a populist movement that I would align to some degree more closely with that idea of fascism, of neofascism. But then we have the 5 Star Movement which describes itself as a movement whose major tenets are the environment, sustainability, access to democracy- everyone’s supposed to have a vote and have access to a vote and participate in the vote, you’re not supposed to be excluded, which many of its programs we would associate more with the political left…

So, a direct line between neofascism, or fascism, and populism I don’t necessarily see. Lots of different movements which have certain characteristics that might fall into these different categories. And it’s become such a broad term that it’s begun to also lose its significance. The word itself as you know, the Latin word populus or in Italian popoli, it’s the people and having that word have a negative meaning. I don’t think it co-opted that way either, I like to think that when people are reacting to an injustice that they see that involves fundamental changes in society, that can still be a positive and not fall under the same rubric as Hilter and Mussolini.

ZD: … That made sense. In our class, I think in the same Finchelstein reading, he talks about how the word ‘fascist’ and the word ‘populist’, they’re both sometimes used interchangeably and also used to describe something as evil or bad even when that really isn’t the case with historical definitions, so what you said made sense with that.

Then also relating to fascism, what do you think the remnants of fascism look like in Italy? I know you mentioned the League, which is far-right.

PG: There is a party that’s more in tune with fascism than the League even. Its new name is Brothers of Italy, FDI- Fratelli d'Italia, and that’s like Le Pen’s party in France. So that’s sort of a far-right party that really does see itself as the heir of fascism. Its earlier iteration, Mussolini’s granddaughter, Alessandra Mussolini, was a part of it. After World War II, the fascist party was nonexistent, but this party formed called MSI- Movimento Sociali Italiano, Italian Socialist Movement which was really a fascist party, although the die-hards stuck with that it was always a very tiny party.

The other big difference, of course, between Italy and the United States is that Italy has many political parties and it’s easier than here to find a party that conforms more closely with your ideas. Here you kind of have a choice between two parties, and you might agree with everything your party says, but chances are there are divisions. Some things you agree with, some things less. There the parties are much more splintered, there’s an issue that they don’t agree on, they kind of split and go on in different directions.

So this party then became Alleanza Nazionale, or AN- National Alliance, and in that iteration in the 1990s it kind of rehabilitated its image as being professional, not talking about fascism the way it was spoken about in the past but trying just to appear like a legitimate party. They didn’t use a lot of rhetoric, it wasn’t populist in that sense, it wasn’t trying to appeal to people’s emotions and whatnot. It was trying to just rehabilitate fascism in a way that made it seem innocuous and the latest iteration of that party because different moments or scandals or events have led to the elimination of Italian parties… So the latest iteration is this one, Fratelli d'Italia, Brothers of Italy, which is the real right-wing party. The League, the Northern Leagues now there are various Leagues so we just call it the Leagues, shares many commonalities with right-wing parties. In particular its very strong stance against immigration and its xenophobia toward immigrants. In other aspects, it’s anti-European but it’s anti-Italian as well. These parties go back to origins of the modern Italian state where they never see that they’re Italian, that they’re from Venice or Milan. They see their local identity which is what survived for thousands of years. They never managed to bring the puzzle of Italy together to form a unified country.

So, they’re very much rooted in the local; in the local traditions, in the local ideas, the local language, and that’s why they’re anti-immigration. They’re anti-anyone who isn’t them. They’re anti-Southern Italian. They’re anti-everything it seems. They wanna secede, they want total autonomy. That’s why they’re anti-European because European identity kind of erases or limits your national identity… And that’s what we see in Italy, in particular, is that populism frequently takes on that League form of local identity. You have a League in Sicily, it’s the same thing, ‘We wanna be independent.’ So it takes on these kinds of xenophobic and philo-fascist attitudes in many activities. It also sees the central government as the enemy because it conquered Sicily literally. So in Italy populism, with the exception of the 5 Star which is this very different kind of movement, the populist movements tend to be very focused on the local identity and reasserting a local identity that the Italian nation has tried to wash over, eliminate, white-wash for the past 150 years since unification.

ZD: Yeah, I think that’s interesting what you were talking about with the regional specificity kind of. I watched a documentary and one of the politicians was harping on ‘Italians First’ but based on what you said it sounds more like specific to their region, their people first. (PG: Yeah.)

On how populism has affected the political climate in Italy (pp. 9-10):

ZD: … how would you say populism has affected Italy’s overall political climate?

PG: Well it’s definitely created more chaos. The Italian political system was intentionally designed to be weak. After fascism, the Constitution is intentionally designed to not let political parties accomplish very much unless there’s a lot of support for what they’re doing. The moment that there’s opposition to what they’re doing they get kicked out of power. So it always seems like Italian governments don’t last very long, but that’s built into this system…

The populist parties have made that more difficult because there’s less room to compromise. They have very strong stances on big issues that used to be, despite differences, pretty much agreed on… So you’ve lost room to really coalesce, to form a coalition with other parties with enough common ground where you can really accomplish stuff. That’s always been a challenge but not really a big one because we see historically these same parties really ended up forming the next government only with a slight change and then they got the legislation that they wanted to do until they hit the next crisis. There was a lot of predictability. You weren’t worried that the country was gonna go in a completely different political or economic or social direction. Now it’s a lot harder to predict, there’s a lot less certainty and it’s not clear who the opposition is either. The center-left parties are also reforming themselves and fractured and also have less coherent identities so it makes things much more messy and tricky now.

ZD: Yeah that makes sense and I’ve definitely seen that. And it seems really relevant to right now also. I researched a little about Giuseppe Conte’s coalition and that really led to him having to resign.

PG: Yeah, and it was one of the center-left parties that withdrew. They had like 1% of the vote, but that 1% was all they needed, and all of the sudden he didn’t have a majority and he was out. And it was a gamble because they could’ve gone to elections or Salvini could’ve come into power or something and now we have this technocratic government and we’ll see if it lasts until the elections next year.

On the populist presence in the media (pp. 12-13):

ZD: … one of the people I focused a lot on was Matteo Salvini and his use of Facebook and Facebook live to kind of “expose” people like I’ve seen him shouting at immigrant families and things like that. And it’s very blunt and in your face (PG: *nods head* Right) which is effective for his followers which I think is interesting. So if you follow any Italian media and government, how would you say the populist presence is?

PG: I think it’s expressed the most through social media. In Italy, the media for many years was dominated by the RAI, sort of the BBC of Italy. So you had these sort of government-owned and so anything they talked about they’d have to present all the different parties’ sides, everyone had to have equal time on television running for office, this sort of thing. That changed in the 1980s when Silvio Berlusconi came into power, so it’s part of the Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher movement, this neoconservatism of the 1980s… In the last decade especially, social media has become the center ground for promoting your ideas, promoting your campaigns, and being media savvy is extremely important for, especially populist politicians, but modern politicians in general.

One of the things about Donald Trump was this constant use of Twitter, right? Always keeping himself in the news. Obama was considered incredibly media savvy, but he didn’t do things the way that Donald Trump does and Joe Biden is not media savvy in that same way at all. But as you pointed out with Salvini, they’ll do lots of events which they’ll stream live through Facebook. They keep issues in your face. If it’s print media or the 6 o’clock news, it dies after a day or two or three, but they don’t let it die. They keep it in your face, in your feed constantly. So they’re very active on Twitter and other platforms, though certainly, Facebook is the most dominant one. They use it to connect to people and to keep them enraged in a sense, you know? To keep you emotionally invested so that you’re out there voting, promoting that point of view, and you’re keeping them on everyone’s mind. PR is half the battle, so if it’s always out there they must be important, they must have something to say.

ZD: Yeah I was gonna ask how the forms of media play into social and cultural grievances, but that really seems like the answer (PG: Yeah). That it’s so in your face that you can’t really avoid it. I was gonna ask also what populism’s role is in inflating that, but that also seems to be kind of the answer.

PG: Yeah I think that it doesn’t matter what the issue is. Whether it’s a boat capsizing in the Mediterranean or a boat being stopped, or some sort of government scandal- I can’t think of a good one that’s happened recently, but anything is an excuse for outrage that allows them to step forward and say, ‘Look at what they’re doing, we need to stop this’ even if they’re doing the same thing…

---

Thank you again to Professor Piero Garofalo for taking the time to be interviewed and giving very insightful answers!

---

Finchelstein, F. (2017). From Fascism to Populism in History. Oakland, California: University of California Press. http://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctvpb3vkk

[holidaywishes]

Welcome to the first episode of “I’m too poor to go to therapy so I guess I’ll tell the internet!”

Let’s be real... I’ve done this quite a few times on here in different ways but I’m making into an actual thing. I figure, a) my life is/can be a lot and sometimes I need to talk about it but, as the title suggests, I’m too poor to talk to a therapist, and b) my family has no idea this site exists so I can air my grievances without worrying they’ll find it.

First things first: this post is being written on my phone because my mom is in the next room and typing on my laptop is too loud. So, excuse me if things don’t come across as eloquently or whatever.

Second thing: these little posts/episodes/chapters, whatever you want to call them will be the most insight you’ll ever get into my life. I try to stay away from personal stuff on here in case I run into someone I know but I haven’t had any instances of that happening so I thought to myself “I’m not so unique that if I tell people these things about me, they’ll know exactly who I am.” So this is what you get, personal details but no first or last name and no selfie until I’ve probably started a podcast (which will likely only happen when I’ve moved out of this place.)

Third and I think last: I’m not looking for sympathy. If you wanna come at me and tell me that people have it worse and that I shouldn’t be complaining, go for it. I can’t stop you. You’re probably right and I recognize that I’m lucky to have a home and a family that, most of the time, is pretty caring and loving where a lot of people have crappy home lives. All I’m doing here, or hoping to do I guess, is keep my sanity slightly in tact. I’m exhausted trying to hold it together for everyone in case my breaking down or expressing something honestly makes things worse. Walking on eggshells in your own home is exhausting. So, again, I’m not looking for you to say “oh I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” or “I can’t believe this! You’re parents suck!” I just wanted a place where I could come and rant and that’s it.

So, here’s some background: I grew in Calgary, Alberta, the youngest of four kids and the only daughter. My mom is a Nurse and my dad works as a Driver Supervisor. My oldest brother was diagnosed with leukaemia when he was 3 and my dad was stationed in Germany while he was in the army. He had gone through a lot of invasive chemotherapy in Germany and it seems to have affected his cognitive abilities. My brother, we’ll call him Aaron, relapsed when he was 8 at which point the doctors asked my parents if they could test my bone marrow to see if it was a match. I had just been born (I don’t know the exact time frame of when this would’ve been but my brother and I are 8 years and 19 days apart so I was still a baby at this time,) and neither of my brothers were a match so the doctors said that they needed to check mine, turns out I also wasn’t a match. After this, Aaron was in and out of the hospital both in Calgary and in Spokane and my mom went with him for most of those visits while my dad was at work, which meant that my brothers and I spent a lot of time with aunts and uncles and cousins. My second oldest brother, let’s call him Brady, had to grow up quite fast — becoming a defector babysitter and pseudo chauffeur (but on a bicycle, it was quite the scene) — while me and my other brother, we’ll call him Charlie, more or less went on with our childhood. There was a lot of pressure on Brady because Aaron effectively became the most dependent than the rest of us, i.e. he was the youngest even though he was the oldest, and I think Charlie really looked up to Brady because of how ���cool” he seemed to be. Brady was good at everything. Still is. He plays nearly every sport and is good at them all, he’s a pretty handsome guy, which I only know because every single one of my friends had a huge crush on him, and he’s smart as a whip. He’s also incredibly compassionate. So, it’s easy to see why Charlie looked up to him. It’s also easy to see why, when he couldn’t “measure up” he acted out. We all became the typical stereotypes of siblings: Aaron was the oldest but he was the favourite by default, Brady was the star child, the champion, Charlie was the screw up and the preverbial “middle child” and I was the girl. It came with its challenges — I had to be cute and girly and loving and soft and playful but I had to be more careful when it came to playing outside and I had to understand my “limits” when it came to “certain things,” which really just meant if I were to play with the boys in the neighbourhood, I had to know when to stop. As we got older, the roles shifted slightly. Brady became the favourite, Aaron became the best boy, Charlie stayed the middle brother but he seemed to pass the “screw up” title to me. Aaron and I, once upon a time, had a good brothe-sister relationship. We laughed, we played, we hugged, all the stuff, but somewhere along the way it changed. I can’t say exactly what made it change — maybe it was the fact that in nearly 5 years, I hadn’t spent a lot of time with my mom or that I spent more time at my cousins place than at my own home — but whatever it was, turned pretty dark. We were constantly arguing, I would get in trouble for provoking him but he wouldn’t get in trouble for chasing me around the house with a knife, until eventually we just ignored each other completely. Fast forward to 10 years ago, I graduate high school, Charlie had just moved in with Brady, who had moved out a few years before, leaving me alone with my parents and Aaron, who was constantly upset that he couldn’t move out the way his brothers had. He wanted to be normal but he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t. It was rough but so was our relationship and, as much as I tried, I couldn’t get over a lot of the crap that went on in our childhood. I felt bad for him and the challenges he had but he wasn’t trying to learn how to do anything on his own and it became clear to me that he wouldn’t.

Fast forward four years, I lose my hostess job and start University but have to take out student loans, knowing I’d end up being $100,000 in debt when I graduated. It’s going well, I get a chance to study abroad for six months and I take it because why the hell wouldn’t I? Little did I know that before I left, my mom was going through some pretty serious stuff at work; to a point where her new boss was making it impossible for her to feel confident in her work. She had been at this hospital for 30+ years and loved her job but now she was depressed and anxious all the time. So, there I am in Vienna for only about a month or so when my mom calls me to check in and she pretty much falls apart. It gets worse from there and she has to go on anti-depressants. More happens in between all of this, but that’s a story for a different day. More and more, her and my dad are fighting and I’m more and more put in the middle of them, effectively putting me in a constant state of undiagnosed anxiety.

For now, that’s where I’ll leave it: just because I have some other things to attend to 🙄 but I will be back with another post later on...

[kissmejuyeon]

hey Sara! 🌸🐇

this might be a personal or difficult question, so if you don't want to reply, that's totally fine!! 💕

i went to a school where i was lowkey taught that uni is the only option after graduation, that anything else isn't as "good" and we weren't even taught abt anything other than uni either. no one ever mentioned apprenticeships or voluntary years, let alone spoke positively of them. it honestly installed in me this fear of being seen as lesser if i don't go to uni and now it's been almost 4 years since my graduation and I'm still struggling with the inferiority feeling of not feeling like uni is the right place for me. i think i want to do an apprenticeship, but by now i feel almost too scared to start anything in fear of not managing.

did you deal with this kind of thing in your schooling/ upbringing as well? and how did you get over those feelings? :( if you have even the tiniest advice, id be super grateful 💙

Hey love!!! Happy new Year <3

I can totally relate to what you’re feeling!! I def had those same feelings and thoughts, and i am not gonna lie, it took me a while to figure out what i want to do, and how i stopped focusing on what other wanted of me. but i’m going to try to explain my thoughts, so please bare with me.

i had to put this in “keep reading” cause i word vomited lmao

I was lucky that i grew up in a family that always thought me, that i do everything in life for myself. I should always focus on what I want to do. BUT, i had extended family and a few friends that always talked about uni and doing something in life that is “not working in retail” (just an example) All they “wanted” me to do is make money. 

My dad never finished high school and my mom started two apprenticeships that she never finished. I always knew i wanted to do more than what my parents did. And i don’t mean it a mean or bad way. (i hope you know what i mean) 

i was a “gifted” kid in school, and good grades came easy to me, until i finished 10th grade and i started my A-level. Then i hit rock bottom. I actually never planed to do my A-level, but i had no idea what to do with my life in year 10, so i decided to go to school for 3 more years, so i have a little more time to figure stuff out. (Spoiler: i didn’t) When i decided to do my A-level (In germany you need it to even go to uni) i thought uhMm maybe i should go to uni because many people around me where starting to talk about it and made me feel that my decision of never going to uni was me planing on becoming “nothing”. Which is totally stupid. Not going to uni does NOT mean you’ll never become anything!

by the i finished my A-level, which i barely passed, i still had no idea of what i wanted to. the only thing i knew was, that i wanted to do something that brings me happiness and joy! And the only time i found happiness and joy was in books (and one direction lmao). So i started to think about the idea, that i could start working in a bookstore. But at that time, my friends already started Uni (med school, law etc.) and others went to go abroad to study. And i felt like i was worth less. But i also knew that going to uni would only further the descend of my mental health. So i really focused on working in a bookstore and do an apprenticeship as a bookseller. 

Through a friend i got the opportunity of working in a bookstore (I applied before but i was sadly rejected). After the first day of work, i knew, this is what i wanted to do with my life. My mom always pushed me into applying for apprenticeships that i didnt wanna do, which i told her i didnt want, but it only caused many fights between us. but tbh ... i didnt care. i wanted to do what i wanted to do! So i focused on my carreer in the bokstore. i stopped focusing on what other people want to do in their lives, but rather focus on what I want to do. 

so i worked at the bookstore for 2 years, then started my apprenticeship, then i worked for 4 months as a bookseller and now i’m the deputy manager of the store that i did my apprenticeship at. now i know i only got to this place and position because i stopped focusing on what other people wanted.

end of my biography but i feel like it needed to explain this to validate my points lmao

and heres what i can tell you, do what you want to do!!! if you dont want to go to uni, do not go. is there something that brings you joy? clothes? books? try working with something that you like, and figure out what you wanna do that way.

Other people think they help you when they try to push uni, grad school etc. into your life, cause they think that whats best for you. but you are the only one who knows whats best for you!

in bookseller school, half my class was people who dropped out of uni to start working. not going to uni or dropping out of uni doesnt make you any less amazing or capable of reaching your dreams. 

the sad thing is, we need money to survive in this world, so you need to make money one way or another. and people always promote the narrative of figuring out what you want to do immediately. which is fuckign bullocks. you can start over and over again of you need to. if you start a job but after a few months you realize, its something you dont want to do, quit and find another job. Starting over and trying out jobs is nothing bad! 

but i think the first step you need to to, is to realize that what you do in life, is for you and only you!!! 

[sugako]

Goodnight

synopsis:  You transfer to Belgrave and become a grad assistant with Hamish. The two of you plan on grading papers together at his apartment (not the den) make it a drinking game, get drunk, and makeout.

word count: 2811 (abt 6 pages juicy stuff happens after 3rd space break) 

pairing: hamish duke x reader

warnings: drinking (A LOT), kissing & making out, some sad test grades 

preview

Hamish had been very wrong. Although you had suggested this, it was, indeed, a very horrible idea. You were fully gone before you had finished four out of the fifteen exams you had. Hamish, on the other hand, was going strong and finishing up his seventh exam. 

 A really good essay answer or super insightful response got you a sip of water or a cracker if you wanted.  Simple mistakes were a shot of orange liqueur.   

Average to slightly bad mistakes were a shot of vodka. 

 Horrible, ridiculous mistakes were a drop of absinthe with some water.

“They asked for another exam!” You huffed. “They just bitched about having to read twenty pages for this week and they want a whole exam?!”

Hamish chuckled, barely glancing up from his book.

Okay. So it wasn’t as if you were really furious with this group of underclassmen who nearly cried every time they had a quiz. To be fairer, it was really only two of them that caused an issue, the rest remained silent or voiced their disdain for the complainers which you didn’t openly condone, but did appreciate. You didn’t think they realized it was more work for you and Hamish though. With the regular professor on sudden sabbatical, the two of you were fully in charge of the class now. Although it was merely an intro philosophy class, the school had thankfully compensated you for it.

1 Week Later: Immediately Following the Exam

“Do you want to grade these together to make sure we mark the same things?” You asked nonchalantly, grabbing your lunch from the faculty fridge. Hamish was a nice, handsome, single man with a great personality and a brilliant mind to boot. Not ready to truly shoot your shot, you decided to be more subtle.

“That is a fantastic idea. Where and when were you thinking?” He sat adjacent to you sipping an espresso. It was like he only lived off of booze and coffee.

“Tonight is my best free night unless you have a better Friday night planned. And probably not at my apartment, my roommate is going to have some guy over and she loves to just stay out in the living room and let everything out in the open.” You said.

“Then my apartment sounds like a much better place. We can meet at the Chalice and walk to my place from there?”

“That sounds great! I’ll see you then.”

When you walked into the bar you spotted Hamish with two other people in the back. Keeping your eyes trained on just him you made your way to the table, but one of them saw you first.

The girl whipped around, anger and defensiveness in her eyes already.

“What do you want?” She snipped.

Cocking your head you pointed at Hamish, who was already trying to quell her.

“I’m just here to grade some exams.”

“She’s here for me, Lilith. This is Y/N, I was telling you all about her earlier.” He was using his teacher's voice. “We can get going now. We’ll be at my apartment if any of you need anything.” He said, scooting from the booth seat holding his messenger bag close. Lilith and the other boy at the table nodded and grumbled something along the lines of ‘thanks dad’.

He straightened out his vest and posture, flashing you a kind grin. “Ready to go?”

“Oh, Hamish!” The other boy cried out. “Do you...if you’re not busy can you help me study tomorrow? I have this huge phys lab practical in a couple days and an RA training session this week…” he trailed off.

“Of course, Randall.”

“Wait!” Lilith yelped. “Why can’t I help you?!”

Randall rolled his eyes. “Do you really want to quiz me on all the muscle structures and organ stuff?”

She pursed her lips. “No, that’s gross.”

Hamish wrapped his hand around your shoulder. “Let’s go before they actually start arguing and we get asked to be third-party witnesses.”

You nodded vigorously, happy to be leaving.

His apartment was only a short walk away in the main city. It was small and minimal, but immaculately well-decorated. Not that you would expect anything less from Hamish. He thrived on aesthetics.

“Wow, it looks so nice in here.” You breathed out. He truly had some beautiful vintage furniture accompanied by incredible artwork and pieces hung on the wall.

“Thank you, I do try my best. I’m not exactly home very often so I like for it to be nice when I am.” He nodded toward the coffee table. “Well, we can get set up and just get to it then.”

You sighed lightly, dreading the results. Hamish smiled, knowingly.

“Would you like a drink before we start?”

It was like a plug flipped in you. You went from exhaustion to excitement in seconds.

“Please!”

“I’m fairly well stocked on anything you can think of so name a drink.”

“Oh wow, full bar service, huh?” You chuckled, hunkering into the soft brown couch. “I think that you’re really the expert so what drink do you think really screams the concept of truth in modern society?”

“I know exactly what you want.” He grinned, rushing toward the open kitchenette to the side of the living room. Listening to glass clanking a liquid pouring, you began to unload your laptop and answer key onto the table. Just as you began to glance at the exams that had spilled out from Hamish’s bag onto the couch, he strode back out to the living room with two deep green drinks in highball glasses. “Truth Serum, itself.”

“I don’t see why you don’t just become a bartender. You could really make bank at one of those bougier places in a city somewhere.”

“And have all the joy sucked out of making drinks? No thanks.”

You tried to hold back a smile as he handed you the glass. “I suppose you don’t have to commodify and exploit all of your talents to survive this economy.”

“Of course not,” he said, “just most of them.”

Together, you sighed.

“Anyway, tonight is about truth and validity not Marxist theory so let’s get on with it.”

You nodded, reaching out to clink your glass against his before taking a sip.

Listen.

This wasn’t exactly your first, third, or hundredth drink. But somehow, you choked a little as it burned down your throat.

“What is in this?” You asked through tearful eyes, mouth tightly pursed.

“Just some vodka, curacao, absinthe, midori, and ice of cour--”

“There’s absinthe in this?” You asked, incredulously. Hamish nodded once. “Where did you even find absinthe? How much is in here? Oh my gosh nothing on you, this is super well-balanced but holy fuck.”

“I bought it a while ago on a study abroad trip to Germany, but yes I suppose the whole only liquor and liqueurs taste can be a bit...striking when you don’t know what’s coming.”

You nodded, taking another, bigger sip this time. He passed you the first exam. As soon as you looked down you already saw wrong answers. He began marking away at the one in front of him while you stared down at the paper before you. Claire G. was in for lots of red ink.

“Hey Hamish, wanna hear a really horrible idea?” You asked, taking another even longer sip from your glass.

“Why not?”

“What if we take a sip or a shot whenever we mark a point off. Like a drinking game, but at the expense and grade of the kids.” Slowly you glanced over at him, fully expecting him to shoot down your idea. “And whoever finishes first doesn’t have to grade the midterm essay.”

“I think that you misspoke when you said horrible, Y/N. That is a great idea.”

Hamish had been very wrong. Although you had suggested this, it was, indeed, a very horrible idea.

You were fully gone before you had finished four out of the fifteen exams you had. Hamish, on the other hand, was going strong and finishing up his seventh exam.

A really good essay answer or super insightful response got you a sip of water or a cracker if you wanted.

Simple mistakes were a shot of orange liqueur.  

Average to slightly bad mistakes were a shot of vodka.

Horrible, ridiculous mistakes were a drop of absinthe with some water.

It was beginning to dawn on you that somehow you had gotten all of the awful exams. That or Hamish could really pack in the booze without any indication that he was remotely tipsy.

You finished another exam, sloppily circling the grade at the top in big swoopy letters.

“Oh my god, Hamish.”

“What is it?” How could he sound so chill and okay when he had nearly down a bottle of vodka.

“I know why professors have such bad handwriting now. We’re those professors. Oh my god…” You trailed off, staring at the paper in front of you. With that one finished you only had ten more to go. It looked like he had closer to five or six. It was hopeless.

“We are indeed.” He chuckled.

Maybe it was because you had more absinthe in your body now than you had ever in your entire life, but something about his laugh made your stomach light up with butterflies. You had always thought that Hamish was handsome and kind and brilliant, but had never made any move for him. Not that you weren’t attracted to him, but he was so distant so much of the time, it was difficult to even be casual friends with him really. But now you were here with him in his apartment and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

You body, already flush from the alcohol began to heat up as you realized how close you were to him.

“Hamish,” you sighed, “Can we take a break?” You stretched back brushing your arm against his.

“Of course, it is getting late and as much fun as this is I’m sure the students would like to us to pay a great deal of attention to their work.” He said gently, setting his own papers down and moving them to a folder.

“Are you saying I can’t give my full attention to detail right now?” You joked, moving to face him.

“Not necessarily, but you are...well…”

“Because if you are then you’d be totally right. It’s awful, if I even get tipsy I have the attention span of a chihuahua puppy which is really saying a lot because they’re pretty unaware of their surroundings and not that smart, but you’re not even a little bit drunk which is wild because you’re just drinking for fun at this point. And the only way you could do that is if you do this a lot which is even more wild because you’re like fully in shape and so cute all the time. If I do anything even like this a little bit I get so hungover and I’ll be that tomorrow because I’m so stupid and wow I feel like I’ve been talking for a long time I’m so sorry I’m annoying when I’m like this.”

You slumped back into the couch, face bright red. Hamish didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Firstly, you are not stupid. You’re brilliant and well-spoken - when you’re sober. Secondly, I am a little drunk I’ve been drinking more absinthe just for fun I’m just good at hiding it I guess. We’ll drink water and I’ll cook breakfast tomorrow so you won’t be hungover very badly.” He chuckled deeply and you could swear there was a blush dusting his cheeks. “I’m not saying this merely to reciprocate your compliment to me, but you’re very beautiful.”

You didn’t know if your facer could heat up anymore, but it felt like it was.

“Hamish, you don’t have to say that.” You said quietly.

He was fully facing you now, arm draped on the back of the couch and his other hand reaching out to rest on your thigh.

“It’s true,” he smiled, “Even in the strange and specific way some of these essays explain it.”

You laughed and his smile brightened. His palm was burning a hole through your jeans. Only moving on instinct and alcohol you leaned in and wrapped your arms around him to securely embrace him. Distracted by your own thoughts you didn’t even hear what he lightly whispered into your ear. You pulled back, nearly nose to nose with him.

“What? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

The pink dusting on his cheeks was a deep red. “May I kiss you?”

“Ohh! Um, really?” You mentally slapped yourself for asking a question. As he opened his mouth to answer you cut him off. “You’re very handsome and I would like that very much, so yes.”

Before the ‘yes’ had fully dropped from your lips his mouth was on yours. Hamish’s hands snaked up to your waist, lightly pulling you closer. You worked your hands into his hair playfully and gave it a small tug. He moaned quietly in response.

His lips slowed against yours placing small, chaste kisses at the edge of your mouth and down your neck. Gasping for breath, you leaned back into the couch and let him continue. After it seemed he had caught his breath again he lifted his eyes to meet yours and leaned in once again to kiss you.

This time was slower and more passionate. Something about how he felt against you was too perfect. His lips were soft and moved with great ease against yours. The grossly sweet liqueurs and stark vodka you had been drinking mixed with his, making it all the more intoxicating. You could feel your heart still pounding around your chest and banging in your ears as you leaned even closer into his chest.

Then, all at once, you got very tired. Your kisses slowed and his did in response until you lazily pulled back with a tired smile plastered on your face. Still, you remained close, forehead pressed against his.

“You can ask to kiss me whenever.” You said, trying so hard to sound cool, but instead, you just sounded tired. “But right now I think I need to sleep.”

“Then let’s get you to bed.”

You stood, still able to be on two feet, although leaning heavily on him for most of your support.

“I’ll leave a full glass of water and some pills on the table for you to take whenever. Try to drink the water all before you fall asleep. Don’t worry about sleeping in, take as much time as you need. I’ll be here until whenever and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Hamish. That’s too much.”

“Nonsense, it’s just polite.”

You nodded, really unable to argue with him. Slumping through a door he placed you on the edge of a comfortable and very large bed in another well-decorated bedroom. You eased into the dark and lavish sheets, pulling off your socks in order to tuck yourself in.

“Here,” he sighed eyeing your jeans, “I’ll leave you some clothes that should be more comfortable, okay?”

You nodded and hummed, desperately wanting to get out of your pants and sweater.

He tossed an old t-shirt toward you along with a pair of joggers that appeared to be even too large to him. You mumbled your thanks, aware enough now to not start stripping in front of him.

“I’m going to go get some water and then I’ll be back.”

You muttered another ‘thanks’ and tried to rub the sleep from your eyes. Glancing at your phone you realized it was nearly the morning. You hadn’t stayed up this late since writing your undergrad thesis.

As soon as he had vacated the room you began to shed your clothes. Moments later, two soft knocks came from the partially shut door to which you answered a small ‘come in’.

His jaw tightened at the sight of you relaxed, curling into his bed with his clothes on. He brushed away the feeling, moving to the bed to sit on the side beside you. Hamish placed a small array of Advil and ibuprofen-type pills on the nightstand with post-it labels beside each one so you could decide in the morning. You sighed softly from behind him and began tracing small lines up his back. He could feel Tundra bristle under his skin in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time.

You laughed quietly and sleepily from behind him. “I’m sorry, I was trying to follow the pattern on your shirt.”

Finally, he turned toward you, handing you the glass of water which you graciously accepted and quickly gulped down. The entire time Hamish sat quietly on the edge of the bed, staring down at his hands. You left just a sip of water at the bottom, just enough to get you out of bed tomorrow, and reached past him to set the glass beside the pills. As you pulled back he turned to face you once again. Wordlessly, he helped you melt into the bed, pulling the comforter over you and slightly fluffing the pillow under your head.

He lingered for a moment over you, eventually leaning down to place one last, soft kiss against your mouth.

“Goodnight, Hamish.” You said with closed eyes and a heavy sigh.

“Goodnight.” He answered.

[ariwritessometimes]

Thanks to @meliapis for tagging me! I feel so special 😊

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yep, remote classes with Frau Striegler 😭

If you are staying home who is with you?

My parents, kind of. They both work in places that are considered "essential", so they still have to work but with limited hours.

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate?

Hm, as for fictional characters, since this is a fanfic blog, I think Spencer Reid would be a good one to have. Maybe I just have him on the brain 😂 Also Merlin might be good, he could do magic for you to pass the time.

Are you a homebody?

Oh yeah

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled?

Study abroad RIP

But y'all know all about that, so something that might be new info is I was going to get a tattoo once my 14 day self quarantine was over to commemorate the time I did manage to have in Vienna, but obviously that's been postponed due to the social distancing boundaries. My tattoo place is closed anyway lol. But I'll get it eventually...

What movies have you watched recently?

Fellowship of the Ring, HP and the Sorcerer's Stone, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, PotC: Dead Man's Chest.... all the ones relating to my series really lol

What shows are you watching?

Criminal Minds. I dipped onto Nailed It: Germany for a bit to test my Deutsch skills. (Here's a hint: they're not that great. Subtitles are my hero.) I keep meaning to check out The Witcher, all my friends tell me I'd like it.

What music are you listening to?

I saw Mamma Mia for the first time while in Vienna and I'm listening to it basically on repeat. Also just whatever Spotify Discover Weekly serves up, which is such a weird conglomeration of things, y'all don't even wanna know lol

What are you doing for self-care?

Does fanfic count?

I mean it does, but also I repainted my room and moved all the furniture around, that was fun.

What are you reading?

Hm not much honestly. I read part of The Horse and His Boy the other day to write the new part of TFPoaBE. I keep meaning to finish LotR...

Anyone who wants to do this can say I tagged you!

This was super fun and I hope y'all enjoyed getting to know a little more about me :)

[oughtnots]

Top 5 trips/adventures you've been on and top 5 trips/adventures you want to go on!

thank you for asking :D i’m sure there are so many more that just aren’t on the top of my head right now but here’s what i was able to think of haha

top 5 trips/adventures i’ve been on:

studying abroad in spain

studying abroad in london

camping at house rock (?) in our #1 campsite :)

trip to germany/france/switzerland/liechtenstein/austria with my parents and our british friends

day trip to portland despite the fact that we didn’t end up staying at the bar and went to voodoo donuts instead. can’t beat drinking martinelli’s out of the bottle while in traffic

top 5 trips/adventures i want to go on:

back to spain or another spanish speaking country :D

buds road trip...imagine

beach days are always good :)

conventions!!! maybe traveling to a big one! anybody wanna do phoenix wright improv...haha jk...unless...

finland!!

[evverythingoes]

I was tagged by @pemberlaey 

Rules: answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to know better

Nickname: Cayro, Case, honestly Bitch is popular lol

Zodiac Sign: Aries

Height: 5′5″

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

Last thing I googled: faye wong

Song stuck in my head: Obliviate by IU

Following and followers: Following 177, 81 followers

Amount of sleep I get: I probably average about 5-6 hours

Lucky numbers: Don’t really have any

Dream job: I don’t really have a dream job specifically, more like I want a job that will let me live a certain way, like a job that allows me to/makes me travel a lot

Wearing: Green and red plaid pj pants and blue sweatshirt

Favourite songs: Rain Onto the One // Sweet John, Wanna Love You // Paul Kim, L’amant // IU, A Beautiful Spring Day // George Bruns, What Should I Do // Lee Jin Ah, Osono’s Request // Joe Hisaishi, When You Fall // Sam Kim 

Instruments: I can play like 3 songs on both the guitar and piano

Random facts: I took 2 years off of college, I’m planning to study abroad in Japan, last year I visited 7 countries: England, Austria, Czech Republic, Germany, Korea, Japan, and Italy

Aesthetic: There’s so many that I love, cottagecore, dark academia, that 90s anime aesthetic, I’m all over the place

I’m gonna tag @afterglwing @ivytea @carottards and anyone else who wants to do it!