#waiting for smth to finally work
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#when you go through life kicking and screaming as a means to survive#no one should be out there wondering anymore why we we aim for the bucket#i want a baby duck tattoo with boots and a cowboy hat attempting to kick a buckey#cute and baby duck as a disguise#in my head every moment of every waking moment and even in my sleep theres a voice that asks: can die now?#just on repeat over and over and ovr again#can die?#just waiting for the permission#waiting for smth to finally work#for smth to take me#for the break#for the end#for peace#being mentally ill al your life is not fun#just saying#i went out drinking last night and all i wanted was to lay down and die#all i wanted to ask my friends was will you let me?#obvsly me posting about it rn means im at a weak phase bc usually i try to not let people know about these thoughts#but yeah#that's just the state of my mind#this is just the true me#ignore me
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birthday party (id in alt)
#trigun maximum#trigun#trigun maximum spoilers#vash the stampede#millions knives#rem#a lot of characters but theyre the focus kinda#coming w a birthday cake 4 days later...happy birthday to the twins!!!!!!!#sniffling cause i got sick otl worked on this with sweat blood nd snot#anyway im glad i finally finished it even if im not entirely satisfied with it!! been in the drafts for a year... vash's little paradise#ever since i finished trimax drawing a comic like this where theyre all together - allies friends enemies and all has been on my mind#just doing smth - partying and all in the same space and being silley#the main plot never happened we’re all just in our corners of no mans land and miraculously rem is there#but tis could only happen in a weird weird dream..!the present world is waiting for u vash!!!#u are so loved by everybody and everyone misses u#ruporas art
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traditional style 💖
#akoya gero#gero akoya#cute high earth defense club love#binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#boueibu#my art#my akoya wanted to join in the vintage dress-up party too!! \;;w;;/#ognvuhgh i wanted to have this done earlier bc other people were doing art so fast for the new outfits but it got dragged out#it was Mostly done a few days ago and i made final edits and was going to post it just before i rushed out to work#i put it up then i was like '??? wait there's a color blob in the wrong place i thought i fixed that???'#i was down to my last minute and didn't have time to do it so i was like auuuughhgh and took the whole thing down#on the Next day i opened the file again to see what was wrong and the color blob was NOT THERE#so im like ??? why did it suddenly appear again in the png. so i looked and i made an error in naming my files#i accidentally named one of the versions 30 instead of 03 so it sorted into the last place instead of the actual most recent version (07)#so that is the reason i ended up being 1 minute late to work. and the lesson to me is i should not try to post at the absolute last minute#(i say this but if i don't get smth done i can't stop thinking about it. it bothers me constantly to have something almost finished but not#(and then it's difficult for me to focus on other tasks so this is why i feel like i have to just get it done before i switch tasks)#anyway i wasn't totally sure what era the traditional outfits are supposed to be from. im not knowledgeable about fashion actually T.T#i googled 'when were suspenders popular' and ended up just looking at old photos and clothing patterns from the 30s-40s#photos from back then were black-and-white can you believe it.. you have to actually look at drawings and paintings to find color#everyone who left me messages elsewhere: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! \>/////</ i will reply soon!! \;;W;;/
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ignore the fact i disappeared that was simple winter hibernation ( still sick and coughing out my lungs btw )
for a basically nonexistent context it’s currently 1:50 am my paper is literally just on my mattress hello hard surface who and this is the most abhorrent lighting and i COOKED (dubious) 🔥🔥🔥‼️🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🌶️🌶️✨🌶️😋😋🌶️😋😋🥺🥺💖💖✨✨
one of my ocs grgrggrjekslalksj I need to talk about them more on here nyways yeah uhm bye read the tags thanks
#★ ˎ��˗ melonrambles!#guys. guess what. your dearest father#i mean melon#has returned with the goods omg this is so splendid wait wait why are you turning around#and leaving again wait no wAIT#too slow. ive disappeared with the wind 😱😱#on a less silly note writers block burnout and a bunch of other silly fun happy things got meshed together into this really ugly ball#and it may or may not have taken we like 3 full days to get down a single sentence#so. hahahaha#melon is sometime but definitely before February definitely definitely aaha im not gaslighting myself im not g-#and to like throw something at this feral audience i have ammassed#a bone#if you will#ill get a work out soon#plan smth special for our silly celebration ILY GUYS SM SHHSHSHKS UGH WAHHGHH 💖💖💖#and i am finally going to be poking that smau of mine that’s been on mine indefinite hiatus for far too long <43#i was honestly thinking of discontinuing it but the anemo men… im an anemo kisser I couldn’t possibly..#so. that should be all from me#ill be workin on a new tagging system when I get back fully hopefully#so this blog will look less like an active track wreck <3#giggles okay bye im off to do more silly bybye 🫡
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JUST READ EVERYTHING THERE IS ABOUT THE ZOMBIE AU !!!!! LOVE THIS SO MUCH WAAAA
you mentioned that ritsu, by the end of the story, is broken and practically insane. once shigeo is cured and "back to normal," i'm guessing that ritsu doesn't exactly go back to "being normal" either :( he'd gone through too much to be the same after everything... do you think he ever goes back to old habits and treats mob like he's still a zombie, only to be shellshocked at the fact that it's all over?
also this au is very reminiscent of this post (grieving the undead) https://www.tumblr.com/applejuicewerewolf/735120232698593280/no-need-to-keep-this-in-the-tags-youre
WEEEE IMSO GLAD U LIKE IT it's the direct result of my brainworms
yes ritsu is definitely Not Normal by the end and he should be put into therapy immediately. poor kid's seen way too much at way too young of an age, and he's been put through unreal amounts of stress that is definitely not good for a growing brain. he most certainly does not go back to "normal" when mob is cured, and much like his brother, he's never quite the same as he was before
he Absolutely has trouble squashing old habits, yes. he tends to just Do Shit for mob that he's fully capable of doing now, no matter how simple, bc as a zombie mob couldn't rly do all that. he opens food packages for him automatically, he unlatches doors even though mob is perfectly capable of Figuring Out a Lock. sometimes when it's raining ritsu will even pull mob's hood over his head—he used to do that for him when he was a zombie, to keep the rain off him, even if zombie mob didn't rly give a damn if it was raining or not
if mob were anybody else, he'd prolly find it a bit insulting, but instead he finds it kind of amusing most of the time
sometimes he grabs mob's hand and leads him around and it's only when they're like halfway there that he realizes what he's doing. mob doesn't particularly mind, but when his goal is elsewhere and they're aiming for different places he has to go "ritsu ..." and it's this awkward blinking session like . oh .right. yes.ofc
i think mob would ? maybe get a little annoyed at the hovering that ritsu totally unintentionally does. he hovers so closely bc zombie mob never rly minded, or ,, noticed. so now that he's back to "human" levels of awareness it is . extremely obvious. and it's not even that ritsu is Worried, it's just like he's spent so long Hovering and Fretting that it's just kinda second nature to him now
it's a strange role-reversal—it's very weird for mob to wake up and have scattered memories of the last two years, and suddenly feel like he's the younger brother instead. ritsu is now the caretaker, and it's... strange. and honestly, the first real goal mob has in mind after waking up and recovering for a while is settling back into the role of older brother. it's important to him
but much like how reigen now has trouble corralling that kid, mob has some difficulty getting ritsu to settle back into it too. he's too high-strung and stressed and permanently scarred to rest and let people take care of him, too used to being the caretaker himself. for the longest time he was forced into the mindset of, "you stop, you die," so ritsu keeps going bc his instincts r shot and he feels like he's in danger all the time
after a while of gentle nudging, mob gets the hang of convincing ritsu to lean on people, to lean on him, but mob is quietly distraught at the overall state of ritsu's mental well-being. it takes him a while to rly get a grasp of how bad it truly is, but once he realizes the damage, he's .. so fuckin upset w himself for letting this happen to his brother
as if it's rly his fault at all, but he regrets being slow and getting overrun by that zombie horde to begin with. maybe if he hadn't turned, ritsu would be a lot better off now—they woulda been able to join a settlement, and live in a place where there is supplies and food and clothing and other people to talk to other than your mumbling brother who no longer fully understands you. it likely would've spared him a lot of trauma
and alsoYES that post is EXACTLY it the concept of mourning a person u still see every day is ougougouhoguhg ,., .,witsu ..................
#qktalks#kriber#zombie au#ritsu is so fuckin elated when mob wakes up and shows all the good signs of progress#and it sorta all catches up to him those first couple of days of mob being awake#the entire time he's out and letting the cure undo most of the damage#ritsu‚ mentally‚ is like.on pause#he's just Waiting.and waiting. and not letting himself get his hopes up and not letting himself lose all hope either#he's cultivated a careful middle ground that he stands on with trembling legs but he stands on it nonetheless#and the first time mob actually speaks to him with real words that make sense in the order they are spoken ritsu loses that middle ground#and he's.a bit emotional for a while. and who can blame him yaknow. kid's been through hell.kid's Going through hell#he tears up and cries at a lot of little things. like mob giggling#or finally seeing those eye bags fade a bit and noticing color in his skin again#or lying his head on his chest and noticing his heartbeat is faster now. it was slower as a zombie#a change like this‚ one he's waited and worked for for 2 long years‚ is smth he has trouble adjusting to again#sometimes he rly still can't believe mob is back and then he gets happy and emotional all over again when it hits him that it's over
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a modern human au where nothing bad ever happenned to them and they got to grow up together. I am making myself cry with this chat
#north is sad and beige and would have a stupid phone case#also i did a watermark thingy because im such a cool ans serious artist look at me#BTW !!!!! first thing im posting thats drawn on my new tablet :3#north has beige mom energy. idk how i feel about it. im just leettinf it happen#yall have no idea i am SHAKING im so normal about them#i need to get to work on. everything about this. bc i really wanna finally be able to coherebtly tell their story#im very insane about them and THE THEMES !!!!!!!#ARGHHHHH#anyways#murl draws#murls ocs#oc#my oc#oc art#art#my art#artists on tumblr#whatever other tags there are#just you wait. i will make this into something coherent#ughhhg i cant. i need to cope ok#and its smth i myself made up wtf !!!!!#imagine being separated from your sibling who is your whole world at a young age and spending the next several decades being told theyre a#a traitor and eventually hunting them down only to discover that while you werw kept in a bubble where everything stayed the same the rest#of thw world has changed so much including your sibling and you realize the only person you could rely on these past few decades has been l#lying to you and now youre completely unajusted to life and have to deal with the fact everything isnt what you thiugjt it was AND EVERYRHJ#G CHABGED IT CHANGED !!!! CHANGE IS INEVITABLE AND YOU HAVE TO FOR THE FIRST TIME VE FACED WITH LIVING FOR YOURSELF AND DISCIVERING WHO YOU#ARE AS A PERSON HHHHHHHHH I CANTTTT.#i dont event have all the names for characters yet GAHHHHH
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booty shorts that say "i did not survive qsmp arg puzzle 04:00" on the ass
#bee buzzes#qsmp#qsmp arg#quackity#quackity arg#qsmp global#LITERALLY HAS EVERYONE STUMPED#THE DISCORD IS SO LOST#idk if its smth we have to wait for or if alex quackity is just cruel#but#i am suffering#its fucking FINALS WEEK what the FUCK#brain work too much. agh
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wip wednesday
Loosely based on @sausagepastry 's lighthouse keeper/merman au
Once the boat was beached on the rocks, Niki scrambled out and pulled it closer so that it wouldn’t get washed away. Kohaku should have been keeping an eye on him and would be down to help in a moment, but Niki was still baffled by the uh, tail, and now that he wasn’t distracted by the rocking of the boat, the fact that there were gills and fins on the merman in front of him.
“Hey! Wake up!” He tried shouting and shaking the merman. It had grabbed onto the boat out in the water and looked like it was breathing as much as Niki could tell. How something that may or may not have both gills and air breathing lungs would be able to show he was breathing, Niki wasn’t entirely sure, nor was he sure he wanted to know that answer.
“Niki-han, did you find anythi--oh what is…” Kohaku came to a stop next to Niki, looking at the merman. “Please tell me I’m seein’ things.”
“I don’t think so, Kohaku-chan. He won’t wake up but I don’t want to leave him in the storm either.” Niki shook the merman’s shoulder again, gently slapping its face to no avail. He pressed a finger to its neck to search for a pulse but he didn’t even know if that would yield any results. There was a faint throbbing though, something like a heartbeat. Could they stay out of water? If only the damn thing were awake and could answer their questions.
Another lightning strike jolted them back to reality. “Kohaku-chan, start running the bath and get the stove heated. I’ll try and get him in the house.” Kohaku nodded and ran back inside, while Niki contemplated the best way to get the merman back. There was a wheelbarrow somewhere that would probably work well enough to get him up to the door but trying to wheel it up the steps even when it was empty was a challenge. His stomach growled and Niki decided to just grab it and maybe he would just dump it through the door and he and Kohaku could carry it to the bathroom. Yeah, that would work well enough.
#shay writes#wip wednesday#i just added like 850 words to this in 25 minutes in a state of delirium.#anyway you probably saw me on my main go a little insane in your notes#i'm a historical lighthouse keeper so uhm. you can imagine why i'm so invested in this#it needs to be edited so bad but waiting til i have a nice base for the first 'chapter' or section before i do that#this is almost certainly not gonna be the final product at all but i wanted to do wip wednesday for the first time in like a month.#i could go on about lighthouse keeping... kohaku is there since you never have just one person at a lighthouse#and we r just making him assistant and whatnot. incorporating part of actual practices into this#but yeah its mostly so someone can always be manning the light especially during storms#or when the head keeper has to go back to the mainland for shit like groceries#they can also have any number of assistants. i think the one i work for had like 3 at one point?#even though its not even an isolated lighthouse its on the mainland.#anyway this makes me want to gnaw on things and i wanted to get smth out#since i bullied atropos into telling you i was working on it <- JOKE. i joked that they should and then they did#but anyway. i've rambled enough i should maybe do anything else.#i have the yapper job for a reason it seems......
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SO EP 54 HUH
#im going crazy methinks#already working on smth for it!#SPOILERS IN THE REST OF THE TAGS BEWARE!!#also just me rambling on and on! i should make a tag for that#actually begging people to stop going into dark suspicious alleyways#SPINEL IS THERE. EVERY TIME. WHEN WILL YOU ALL LEARN#sidenote i am SO excited for more friede and spinel#like not even just for shipping their interactions are always so fun. two of the smartest/strongest up against each other?? yes please!#AND LAB SPINEL#ive been waiting so long for this day#i actually have some old lab spinel art from when they mentioned him and agate in the labs together#my dream has finally come true#ramblings#boring tag for now but i dont feel like coming up with anything better rn :p#pokemon horizons#pokeani#anipoke
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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Appointment went fine. Got everything sorted out & got confirmation that I should be able to graduate in the spring.
I also officially applied to graduate.
Got so overwhelmed by this & my grief over the fact that my dad won't be there for it that I ended up crying in the bathroom over it. 👍 but it's a good thing overall. Just. You Know.
#speculation nation#i am Not someone prone to tears so this is very strange.#could count the number of times ive cried in public on my two hand (excluding when i was a kid or at like. funerals.)#can honestly say ive never cried like this in a public bathroom stall before. what a novel experience.#thank god no one's come in tho. which. im still there lol ive been here for like 25 minutes now#got the emotions out tho. and im gonna go eat smth. and then get back to work on my midterm assignment.#dont have very long so i need to do it when im on campus. bc i wont have the motivation at home.#but for now. need to get some food. decompress a bit. and then get to work.#genuinely kind of crazy. i applied to graduate. that feels so surreal.#it's been almost 10 years after all. but finally. Finally... im almost there.#doesnt feel real. still feel pretty overwhelmed. but my schoolwork wont wait for me.#i need to make sure that i do graduate. need to pass all my classes and pass them well.#and man someone just came in lol. almost half an hour after i got here. really is my cue to get going lol#agh. sometimes i hate having emotions.
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Randomly thought of an oldie but a goodie and decided to (re)draw this lil guy just to see how much my artstyle has change and/or improved as well from //squints October 2015 ......where the fuck did time go
anyhow here is the october one i was digging for
#zkretchy#art#ocs#randomly thought of aka went through old writing and remembered i did smth for him and others#so here we are#i havent decided on a name still btw#i AM WORKING ON IT OKAY#it's been 8years he can wait a little longer for a final one...or any at all#anyhow i do like this comparison wise bc it's also cool to see how rendering and colour choices have changed tbh#i do like the juicy colours i used back then in many pics#but i just don't vibe with the workflow anymore#idk it's weird to explain workflow and colours together
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good morning 🥺
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorrey ... not active ..... lots going on but also not (?)#IDK anyways i've reconnected w an old friend who's a childhood friend bcs shes the daughter of my mom's friend ^___^#she said she's gna get into the 1975 more !! but she's alrdy going to the arctic monkey's concert soon which is super cool#and i rmbr our mom asked me and lune if we knew them too <3 but we didn't know there was a legit concert SOBS#yeah miss her a lot and it's sweet how wnvr we do reconnect a bit it always so happens we're into the same thing of sorts :((#AND THEN! wow idk i've grown a lil less hesitant. somehow. idk. literally replied to the story on ig of a guy ik but haven't talked to in ag#ages* purely bcs he kept posting like woaaa based game and then ff6 best ff so i was like SO TRUE but have u played 14#and he has NOT but does want to and then wow we could have had a lil convo but i left to watch a movie sorry bro <//3#what else ... hmm ..... WELL. an old friend from all the way in 6th grade. okay so we often message each other a bit just like 'hey wna be#grpmates' or smth like that and that one time where they gave me a lil help for the chem grp work and i'm like. just comfy talking like#myself fr BUT THENNN messaged me sometime last week bcs. like smth w a grpwork and they got anxious they did smth wrong#bcs no one in the gc replied to them (sorry i didn't either SOBS) T___T ended up turning the convo to 'hey wt abt i finally try to talk w u#properly more' and HELL YEAHHH we both r the kinds that talk/type a lot but sometimes dip and disappear how lovely /gen LMAO <3#idk. uhm. with the school fair we have booths and shifts for the booths and my group is the one with uhh the 4 kids who i'm often groups#with and they're all the. yk kids. ppl who i'd get along w and i've been classmates w all of em b4 but you see they're a grp of friends now#RAGHH ONE OF THEM IK LIKES PERSONA (MULTIPLE?? IDK. they once were like yo apollo u seem like u like persona lol#IDK WHAT THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN but yes i do have akechi and ren charms on my backpack for school#AND THEN ONE is into like gi pjsk a lot of rhythm games and gacha mobile but all like uhh. yeah? tot love live bandori ... still cool fr tho#she's rlly nice tbh lol ^___^ wait tbh all of them are HELP but uhm idk but it's nice when ppl r nice to me#tbf that's literally how i got my first crush BUT WE DON'T TALK ABT THAT !! yk sometimes i unconsciously wonder abt her or look for her and#then i did see her again after a few months since seeing her early in on the school year bcs shes in basketball and i hung out at the uhh#covered court w my best friend whos in another varsity bcs we stayed late at school that day to help out w fair preparations!#i refuse to like her again but i realize i like that familiarity with feelings and uhmm yeah shes cool ig i kinda wish i was less. uhm. shy#back then? you see i barely cld talk to her ... LIKE. she'd be like. heyy! and do shit sometimes and i WOULDN'T TALK or just smile and#mumble RAFGHHHFHFHDHH but she'd say hi to me and include me in things and jokes and it made me rlly /@!(@/'dmdkzn okay#AND sometimes when i do talk back I am SOOOO GODDAMN AWKWARD GOOD GODS anyways now i'm like. less awkward. or maybe i've just accepted it n#i'm cooler now B) and a lot more confident zEjfhejdjsnk. yeah. and uhmm yeah that's it#BUT YEAH nice classmate she asked me for a hug once lol and i notice she's affectionate w her friends n it reminds me of m y own bestie awhh#she sometimes talks to me which i rlly appreciate even if it prolly seems like i hate her sorry i just suck w talking
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current plan 4 me is to take a break from the event overall bc these anxiety stomach pains are NOT worth it (i will take the time to catch up on critical role)
#jay rambles#i’ll probs be back when mr pepino man is back to streaming the event#if he figures out smth that works for him of course#but also damn finally an excuse to catch up on cr again LOL i missed my guys <33#im only like 5 eps behind so it’s fine but i rly stopped at the most interesting part#i’d been waiting for the story to explore for ages#im very smart
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›› ( a starter for from kael kang for paine / @starvingtongue ) ‹‹
"If you're looking to piss off some restless spirits, you're going the right way about it." Kael knew what was happening here. He had seen the camera and put two and two together. Didn't take a genius to figure out. Whether or not old this building, long abandoned and barely holding itself together, was actually haunted was not something that held Kael's interest right now; all he cared was that it had been a good place for staring into space and minding his own business. Maybe he'd even distract himself for a while, reading through the years of crudely scrawled graffiti splattered across the whitewashed walls. Now, truth be told, Kael had been interested in ghost stories for as long as he could recall but, even so, he had never been particularly invested in chasing out his own. In that sense, it was hard to say he had much in common with the average ghost hunting YouTuber, such as the one (or so he assumed) stood before him. "Or maybe I'm just saying that because I came here for some peace and quiet. And well," he said, pausing for a moment while he cast his stony gaze over her, the soles of his heavy boots crunching against the frost-coated grass as he shifted form foot to foot. "You're kind of fucking that up for me."
#« 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐃 (ᴋᴀᴇʟ) » / 「 starter. 」#starvingtongue#this took a hot minute! sorry about the wait!!#i tried to gear it around your modern verse a little hehehe hopefully this isn't too vague but lmk if there are any issues#and i hope kael works alright as a muse choice!!#smth felt appropriate about picking my former final fantasy oc SDFGHJ
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getting my ears pierced this weekend
#my incredibly low pain tolerance vs my need to look cool#im not actually worried abt getting it done its more the aftercare like oughfhghg i dont wanna mess it up and get an infection or smth#also seeing as how i exclusively sleep on my side face mashed into the pillow i will have to work something out for when my ears are ouchie#AND THE WAITING UNTIL I CAN FINALLY WEAR FUN EARRINGS. but the time will pass anyway#and the sooner i get it done the sooner ill be wearin fun earrings#i have all my mothers jewelry and she had a pair of zebra earrings that i want to wear soooooo bad#anyway pray me for me not to fuck up the healing process in the 4-6 weeks from tomorrow
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