#voluntary sterilization

[scrimbledgirl]

let loose none force, ye men

set down your rods and bent forth we hens

tear loose the power ill begot and forlorn

at last we will sweep the night, banshees forth!

tear asunder the plunders of foul men

fowl? yea! we hens bear no eggs, cracked well

a swell triumph to be poor and live a whore

as my bosoms, thus, and nethers more.

[kodoandsangha]

Comment on this.

It’s more than just HRT.

As I type this, the Mifepristone case is at SCOTUS. Another case to block contraceptives is on its way there.

A bill to restrict HRT to age 21+ has been proposed in Ohio.

They are currently taking comments on the issue via the MHA website linked above. The commentary phase ends January 19th at 5pm.

Please take this opportunity to make your voice heard while the window is open.

[silvershewolf247]

Is it weird that I have a headcanon where Andy and Nica are both infertile.

[whatevergreen]

Blood of the Condor (Yawar Mallku), (1969), film poster. (director: Jorge Sanjinés)

"Ignacio (Marcelino Yanahuaya), the proud chief of a tribe of Quechua natives in remote Andean Bolivia, discovers that his wife cannot bear children. Like the other women of their village, she has been secretly sterilized against her will at an obstetric clinic operated by a purportedly beneficial aid group from the United States, with the covert help of the Bolivian government. Ignacio gathers the men of his tribe to exact revenge and bring justice to his people."

The story, which was based on accounts by indigenous people to Jorge Sanjines, provoked a public outcry which led to a government investigation about the Peace Corps' actions in Bolivia, ending in their expulsion from the country.

Part of an interesting albeit slightly flawed review on IMDB:

"... Molly Geidel, author of, "Peace Corps Fantasies: How Development Shaped the Global Sixties" found documents decades later clearly showing that the Bolivia Peace Corps director and volunteers with the agency, inserted IUDs in indigenous Aymara women at the time, despite not always having medical credentials and not being able to communicate well with the women.

So, it would seem that it wasn't the large-scale premeditated sterilization of a people that this film would have you believe (that is debatable), but none-the-less, an incredibly problematic policy practiced by the U.S. Peace Corps. It's not a long walk from nonconsensual contraception to accusations of population control. But the true story gets more complicated.

Long after this movie was released, a 2002 report by Peruvian Health Minister Fernando Carbone suggested that the president of neighboring Peru, all around asshole Alberto Fujimor, was involved in the forced sterilizations of up to 300,000 Quechua and Aymara women between 1996 and 2000 as part of a population control program called "Voluntary Surgical Contraception".

The United Nations and other international aid agencies supported this campaign, and yes, USAID provided funding and training for it. Whether these Western NGO's and Orgs were told that it was a voluntary family planning program (as the title suggested) or they knew it was a crime against humanity, I can't say.

The point is, the conspiracy theories this film uses to push its political agenda are based on either an eventual truth, or an ongoing truth that we simply don't have the full reportage of. So the movie's anger is prophetic or timely, but regardless, righteous."

Source:

[alinahdee]

INDIGENOUS WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES, I NEED BETA READERS.

I am going to release a video this weekend at the latest, tomorrow NIGHT at the earliest. I have a script written. I would like beta readers to please clean it up, make it more concise, make sure everything flows well, but here's where I really need assistance:

This is about sterilization. Both voluntary and forced.

If this is too painful a topic for you to discuss, I understand. If you would like to provide insight, personal examples from your life or your family, I would be willing to pay you for your labor.

Please comment here if you are interested and I'll message you shortly.

Miigwech

[writingjourney]

Unprecedented | Secondo x gn!Reader

Or: The four times you almost get Secondo to admit his feelings for you and the one time you succeed.

Summary: Working with Secondo is only half as bad as people make it seem – at least until you fall in love with each other.

Content: 12.7k words, gn!reader, pining, sexual tension/suggestive language, food mention, blood/minor injury, forced proximity, soft secondo, terzo being a menace, smut-ish in part four but definite smut in part five (thigh riding, unprotected sex, penetration, dom/sub dynamics), 18+ MDNI

thank you for being patient with me, this is my first time writing Secondo, so pls go easy on me ♡

Masterlist – Ao3 link

1 Voluntary Abstinence

The air gets colder by a few degrees as you take the last few narrow steps down the winding staircase into the basement. Burnt-down candles are illuminating the hallway from small alcoves, wax dripping down the weathered stone, their light flickering off the dark brick walls. Amongst these dancing shadows you make your way to the door at the other end of the hall. It’s made of iron, heavy and airtight, the rooms beyond kept on very specific temperature and humidity levels to preserve the precious items they’re protecting.

You push it open and find yourself in a small antechamber that leads into three different rooms – a tiny office, the restoration workshop and a small storage room. Entering this area always feels like stepping foot inside a secret laboratory, though it looks far less sterile with all the shelves of old tomes, paintings and other cursed as well as non-cursed artefacts.

“Papa?” you whisper upon closing the door.

“Office,” a steady voice calls back.

You find Papa Emeritus II bent over the desk, sorting through papers. He’s wearing his narrow reading glasses, the paint by his ears slightly smudged while his outfit remains pristine. Black slacks, a black button down shirt, sleeves rolled up casually, his usual black leather gloves switched for white cotton ones to avoid fingerprints and sweat stains.

He’s hard at work, has been for most of the morning, trying to save a rare first edition of Nietzsche’s Der Antichrist. He lets you observe him from time to time, ever since you expressed your genuine interest in his restoration work. His book-binding fascinates you the most so whenever an interesting project emerges, he lets you know and you get as much time off from your regular clergy duties as possible in order to learn from him. Lucky for you, Sister has no issue excusing you from time to time to help Papa down here. Not many Siblings have the patience or steady hands to work on these intricate projects and even less want to work with Secondo at all, if only for his understandably high standards when it comes to handling fragile artefacts.

“How is it going, Papa?” you ask casually.

“I am taking some time to document the process and sort through these,” he says. “My hands are a little too shaky for bookbinding right now.”

When you don’t reply, he finally looks up at you. His eyes appear bigger behind the glasses but he quickly takes them off, the marks now imprinted on his nose making you smile. Only the smile quickly vanishes when you take in his tired eyes. Even under the black make-up he looks exhausted, sleep-deprived and almost hungover, though you know he wouldn’t drink in the middle of a project like this. So there has to be a different cause.

Secondo, meanwhile, takes you in as well. You’re wearing the tight habit that hugs your body in all the right places today and he’s very pleased with that. Perhaps by now you’re aware it’s his favorite, he knows you’re observant like that, such a smart, sharp-witted thing you are. He’s trying very hard not to stare but you’re too busy worrying to notice.

“Are you feeling alright, Papa? You look… ugh.” You’re clearly trying to find a polite way to put it and it amuses him greatly. Even now you hesitate to speak your mind around him. “I mean, you seem like you’re in need of some rest.”

“Yes, sleep was not a priority last night.” He smirks to himself at the memory, he can still feel it in his sore muscles as well. “So you will have to excuse me looking a bit tired today, Sibling.”

Your lips press together into a thin line. “Oh. Of course.”

Secondo does not miss the hurt that’s flickering over your face. Once, he might have, but by now he’s seen this look so many times that he can catch it in milliseconds. The guilt he feels upon glimpsing it is the main reason he established certain rules in the first place. As a man with many lovers, Secondo had to find ways to stop anyone from developing any actual feelings for him that he cannot reciprocate. Most of the time, this isn’t a real issue, the intentions are clear, people seek adventures, a like-minded lover who can satisfy them in ways that others can’t. But from time to time expectations change, feelings get in the way and it’s so very human but very bothersome at the same time. Secondo has no desire to toy with anyone, so at the first hint of anything that goes beyond lust, he usually calls it quits to avoid inflicting any more pain than necessary.

But there is a key difference here: You’re not his lover.

“Well, I won’t keep you, Papa, I just wanted to see the progress and check in on you. I have to help out with lunch preparations now, but perhaps I can come back later,” you say without meeting his eyes again. “I wish you a productive day nonetheless.”

He wants to stop you and say something, only he’s not sure what there is to say at all. Please, do come back? Don’t leave yet? 

It’s only when you’re out the door that he realizes he could have just thanked you.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

Despite what occurred in his office before lunch, you’re back in the early afternoon hours, presenting him with some painkillers and a cup of black coffee. He can tell by the smell alone that this hasn’t been brewed in the kitchens; you clearly begged Terzo to let you use the fancy coffee machine in his office. It’s always worth it, even if Terzo teases him mercilessly when it comes to you by now, his little assistente, as he calls you.

You don’t comment on your hasty exit from earlier as you set down your cargo on his desk and take a seat on the wooden chair opposite from him. You’re staying for a while, it seems, that’s good. He can use your company after working alone in the basement all day.

Not used to someone taking care of him, Secondo tries not to show how your simple gesture affects him. “Thank you, my dove. This is just what I needed.”

You smile with genuine kindness, the sort of smile that always makes him pause as he feels its paralysing effect on him. “You’re welcome, Papa. Are you feeling any better?”

He smiles and takes a much needed sip of coffee. “Yes, but I think I should take a bit of a break from…” He stops, trying to word it carefully. “… the nightly activities.”

“Oh, really?”

Your eyes bore into his and it’s like you’re begging for the honest answer he simply cannot give you. Secondo knows – he knows of your feelings for him, he knows of your desires, your wishes, your hopes. And he’d be a liar if he claimed not to return them. But right now being a liar seems easier to him than admitting to any of this.

“I am not getting any younger and I can’t have it impacting my work too much,” he states instead, a lame excuse for certain. His stamina is impressive even now and his reputation precedes him. It’s the lack of sleep that’s affecting him more and more, some joint pains maybe, but even that is barely worth mentioning – he can focus when he has to. Satan knows he could have a Sibling or even a ghoul over every single night if he really wanted to.

There is only one reason he doesn’t find proper fulfilment in most of these nightly encounters anymore. And that reason is looking at him with wide and far too hopeful eyes right now.

“I’m sure some people will be very sad to hear that,” you finally say, glancing away.

Not you, no, he thinks.

You shift in your seat, then, and he can’t tell why exactly you’re so nervous all of a sudden. It could be the subject matter. He doesn’t take you for being shy, so maybe it’s because of your very obvious attraction to him, the mere idea that anything could happen between you, implied by the fact he’s telling you about his sex life right now when you’ve been lingering on a safe professional level for months.

Secondo is not in the habit of discussing his private matters with people who aren’t involved, as much as Terzo tries to coax the details out of him over drinks sometimes. He is a private person, discreet, not necessarily secretive but certainly disinterested in any sort of unqualified opinions. But with you he feels safe enough to at least hint at them, if only to see that delicious blush spread across your gentle face.

“Well, I’m not saying that I’ll stay abstinent forever,” he finally says, aware that he’s sending out very mixed signals. “But I think I will be more selective from now on.”

You look at him again and your eyes still shimmer with expectation. He almost hates himself for giving you false hopes. But he can’t help it, you just look so stunning when you’re flustered for him, when your eyes circle in on his bare forearms, his gloves, his lips, your breathing becoming heavier by the second. Arousal suits you, he decides. It takes a lot of restraint to withstand the urge to show you what he could do to you if he just gave in. And this is certainly not the first time the image of fucking you on this very desk pops into his head.

In the end, you don’t comment. It’s something he appreciates a lot about you, the fact that you know when to shut up. And for the rest of the afternoon, while you watch him work on the Nietzsche, standing idly by the side with your eyes glued to his hands, you barely say another word. But you don’t have to – the very telling smile that never leaves your face speaks for itself.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

2 Papa’s Personal Pasta Day

Wednesday is Pasta Day.

Three different types of pasta, three different types of sauce you get to choose from. It’s the best day of the week, everyone agrees – even Secondo.

And yet your Papa is nowhere to be found today.

It’s not rare for him to skip lunch or avoid the bustle of the dining hall, but you always, without a doubt, catch him here on Wednesdays. As you eat the remainders of your own meal, staring at the empty spot next to his brothers where he usually sits, you wonder what keeps him occupied. You know he finished the Nietzsche but you also know that he recently got another box filled with rare books. So the only real explanation is that he’s even busier with those now.

Which means he’s skipping lunch altogether.

A sudden movement in your peripheral vision. Terzo stands up with his tray, though you can already see two Siblings scurrying towards him, ready to do the job for him. Without thinking too much you gulp down your last bite and hurry after him, asking a friend to dispose of your empty plate, an idea forming in your mind.

You catch him in the hallway as he’s sauntering back to his office, humming a merry tune.

“Papa!” you call out to avoid running after him for another five minutes.

“Hm?” Terzo spins around, smiling in recognition. “Oh. Buongiorno, Sibling. Don’t you look so well today?”

“Thank you, Papa. I was wondering if you can you spare me a moment?”

“Ahh, for you always!” The corners of his mouth curl up into smirk. “I hope you don’t come to complain about my fratello? Because that list is already very long.”

You assure him it’s not a complaint and follow him to his office. Once inside, he casually leans against his desk, folding his hands neatly in front of him as he awaits your plea. A few dots of red pasta sauce stain his right glove but you’re too nervous to point them out to him.

“I have a… a request,” you start, fidgeting under his intense gaze. “It’s unusual and I totally understand if you won’t allow me such a thing. But…  can I use your kitchen?”

“My kitchen?” he asks, brows shooting up in surprise. “Whatever would you use my kitchen for?”

You blush profusely as you start to explain. “It’s just… your brother skipped lunch today and you know he’s working so hard on these books right now. He probably forgot to eat again and it will give him another headache in approximately two hours. I would ask to use his kitchen, of course, but then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore and you know I can’t use the Ministry kitchens because they’re busy in there now cleaning up. And I really don’t want to bring him reheated leftovers.”

Terzo considers this, considers you. “Oh Sibling, you really do like him, eh? What is it that you see in him? He’s a grumpy old man with no sense of humour.”

“He’s not so grumpy when we’re alone,” you offer, even more heat creeping up your neck. “And he can be funny, in a kind of dry, unintentional way.”

“Hmmmm. My coffee machine, my kitchen…” Terzo furrows his brow, the skull paint on his face giving him a slightly menacing look. “What is next? My bedroom?”

Your eyes widen. “Oh no! No, it’s not that kind of… not that kind of thing.”

Terzo chuckles and his features relax, making way for genuine amusement. “No? You want to tell me you don’t fuck down there?”

“N-no…”

“Ah, well, so it is on me to give it a little nudge?” His hand moves up to his chin in mock contemplation as he smiles at you. “Va bene, you can use my kitchen but I have one condition.”

You give him a pleading look, folding your hands in front of your chest. “Whatever you want, Papa, I will gladly do it.”

He smirks again, fishing for his keys before throwing them at you. “I expect some leftovers in the fridge tonight. And they better be good.”

✦ ✧ ✦ 

Carrying a tray down the narrow steps into the basement is not an easy feat, especially because your mind constantly tries to tell you that this is a bad idea and you forget to watch your steps. In the humidity underground the stone gets especially slippery, just like your situation with Secondo. You’re not quite sure how he’s going to take this. You shouldn’t have made such an effort. This whole idea was born from mere intuition, from that pathetic need to impress him that you always carry around with you.

But you just can’t control that tiny part of you that wants to prove just how perfect you are for him, how well you’d take care of him if he just allowed you to be in his life – no matter how unlikely that is.

You just hope it’s not awful, especially since Terzo is going to eat that big bowl of pasta you left in his fridge. To be fair, his kitchen looked like it had never been used before, so at least you don’t have to worry that you messed up his routine.

You sigh in relief when you see that the lights are on in the workshop. You can hear Secondo in the main room, so you set the tray down in his office, the only area down here where eating is actually allowed, and then knock very carefully to avoid startling him.

“Oh.” His eyes land on you and sets down the book in his hand that already looks mostly finished. “Good morning, Sibling.”

You lift your eyebrows with a smile. “Hello, Papa. Though I’m afraid I have to tell you that it is not quite morning anymore.”

He eyes the clock on the wall above him, exhaling in defeat. “I forgot the time, to be honest. I missed lunch, no?”

You linger near the door, ready to take the plunge. “Well, you did, but… are you hungry by any chance?”

✦ ✧ ✦ 

Secondo is not quite sure what to expect when you lead him into the office. What he certainly didn’t expect was a tray that resembles the ones used for room-service in the upscale hotels he loves to frequent, cloche and napkin included. He knows you have good taste by being around you so often, but that it is this excellent is news to him. The thought of you choosing this fancy dishware for him is almost enough to make him smile.

“So you brought me lunch?” he asks, though he should not be surprised by your efforts. You’re always attentive, you most likely noticed him missing earlier and pieced it all together.

“I made this in your brother’s kitchen,” you warn him. “So, he might ask about it.”

As he takes a seat behind the desk, Secondo’s brow furrows. “You made it? It’s not from the kitchens?”

At this question you bite your lip. He tries not to stare at your mouth. “Uhm, I made it, yes. I didn’t want to bring you stale leftovers and besides, they didn’t have your favorite today…”

Secondo leans back in his chair. He can tell that you expect him to scold you, to tell you that he wouldn’t have minded the leftovers, that you shouldn’t waste your time on such a thing, but that’s not what’s on his mind at all. To anyone else, he might have said these things, but to you? He feels his heart swelling in his chest at the gentle care you offer him, an altogether unfamiliar feeling, so all he can really do is stare at you in wonder.

You seem uneasy under his lingering gaze, your restless hands fiddling with your habit. “Okay, well, I should leave you to it. I have other dut–”

“No, no, you stay,” he commands and there is no room to question him. He will not let you scurry off again, not this time.

He waits for you to take a seat before he removes the cloche from the plate, revealing a beautiful serving of Spaghetti Cacio e Pepe, complete with freshly ground pepper on top as well as some half-molten parmigiano. He fails to suppress a surprised exhale as he takes in the food. It’s a beautiful plate, one he may well find in one of his favorite restaurants in Rome or Milan.

“How do you know what is my favorite?” he asks, spreading the napkin out over his lap.

“Oh well, I’ve… I’ve seen you get it for lunch whenever they offer it… Maybe it’s not your favorite, I just assumed…”

“It is my favorite,” he admits. “You’re very observant, my dove. I should be more careful around you, eh?”

You smile at him and the corner of his mouth curls upwards as well before he quickly averts his gaze. Secondo grabs the fork and moves it around in the pasta, his stomach giving an urgent growl. It’s beyond him how he managed to miss lunch being this hungry, but you made sure to give him his very own Pasta Day and a much better one at that.

From your side of the table, his feelings are still veiled in shadows, hidden by the severity of his features. You can’t quite tell what he’s thinking, but you have to admit that the situation is a bit awkward because all you do is sit here and watch him eat. Secondo, completely unbothered, has quickly finished half of what you put on his plate and you feel mildly concerned that you didn’t bring enough. He moans softly every few seconds and you struggle to hide what it does to you. There is something inherently erotic about this man eating your food, the way he seems to treasure every single bite, how he licks the sauce off his painted lips before using the napkin to gently clean them, leaving a mouth-shaped black stain on the cloth. It’s not hard to imagine the same shape covering every inch of your body, an entirely unhelpful thought. Secondo can’t hear how rapidly your heart is beating in your chest, but he may well notice how you sit there with your thighs pressed together, hands covering your lap.

“It’s good?” you ask for distraction, fiddling with a loose thread on your sleeve.

“Very good,” he states. “Have you not tried it?”

“Uh… well I had to hurry down here before it got cold.”

Secondo fills another fork, expertly wrapping the spaghetti around its tines. Then he holds it out to you, his other hand kept flat underneath it, and you realise that he wants you to eat. 

That he wants to feed you.

Your chest feels like exploding as you lean over the desk to reach him. Eyes locked with his, you slowly open your mouth, pushing your tongue out just enough to give him a glimpse. His hand doesn’t move, in fact he’s completely static as his eyes move to your open mouth. They stay glued there, his own lips parting just slightly. The expression turns his features unusually soft.

“Papa?” you ask, trying to hide a grin.

Secondo looks back into your eyes, but before he can move, you wrap your lips around the fork and slowly drag the spaghetti off. He watches your every move and his reaction gives you the courage to continue. You moan softly at the taste, the intense aroma of the Pecorino still evident in the sauce and it is good, you have to give yourself credit for that.

You hum vocally, a sound that hits Secondo like a brick.

You’re so deliciously unaware of the pain he’s going through, how the sight of you licking your lips nearly drives him insane. Your tongue darts out to reach the corner of your mouth, but there is some sauce closer to your chin that you have to remove with your thumb. When you suck it off the digit, Secondo has to fight a deep groan and it comes out as a strangled cough. His cock is twitching in his pants, already half-hard, and he knows he has to get a grip. You’re eating, it shouldn’t have such an impact on him.

“I may need some more practice,” you say, sitting back in your chair. “But I would say it’s better than in the kitchens.”

“You’re modest,” Secondo states. “It was perfect, my dove, thank you. I could not have prepared this dish any better and I have made it a hundred times.”

An almost shy smile, only betrayed by the way your lips quiver as you hold back your delight at his praise. “You’re flattering me, Papa, I’m sure you’re way more proficient than I am.”

It’s an endearing look on you, a hopeful sort of confidence, laced with a hint of hesitation. He’s not sure where his next words come from, but despite their barely hidden meaning he can’t hold them back. “I hope I get the chance to return the favor soon. I think I know what your favorite is and I happen to know the perfect recipe.”

Your grin widens, your whole expression one of warmth and joy and he’s rendered speechless for a very conspicuous amount of time.

“Should I get rid of the tray?” you ask. “I think your brother wants his dishes back.”

He finds his words again at the mention of Terzo. “Only if you come back down here after. I need your help this afternoon or I am going to miss dinner as well.”

“Certo, Papa,” you say, mimicking his Italian. “I will be back before you notice that I’m gone.”

You grab the tray and he watches your figure disappear through the door, slumping back in his chair with a myriad of thoughts and feelings running through his mind that he can’t possibly catch up with. His hand finds his crotch as soon as you’re out of sight, adjusting just enough to get rid of the painful tightness in his pants. 

At least this time he didn’t forget to thank you.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

3 Seeing Red

He’s trusting you with a Crowley.

It’s unprecedented. Secondo had Siblings watching before, he had them assist him before by bringing him tools, but never before has he allowed them to touch any of his delicate books.

It’s the next logical step. You have been watching him for months now, you have practiced on less valuable books and shown unexpected talent. And even now, with the Crowley in hand, he’s surprised to find himself trusting you completely.

Inexplicably, his eyes find you ever few minutes without his own doing. It’s not to control you, though maybe a tiny part of him does indeed check in with the state of your work. Whenever you look back, you hold his gaze so confidently. It’s intoxicating to have your eyes on him, fully aware that you reciprocate the feeling, and even when you don’t look back, seeing you so patiently focused on the needle in your hands is quite the sight.

His staring doesn’t stay unnoticed. You catch him looking at you for the tenth time in the past few minutes, though that is only a rough estimate. As elated as you are by his attention, you’re genuinely getting frustrated with him. He has to feel the tension between you. You refuse to believe that all those lingering looks are meaningless to him.

A sudden sharp pain in your finger. You hiss, more in surprise than in pain, and quickly pull away. The thick, curved needle pierced your white cotton glove and dug straight into your skin. By pulling it out so rapidly, you must have damaged an artery or at least left a pretty big wound because the blood spills out immediately. The shock only lasts for a quarter of a second before you pull your hand away, just in time before a few heavy droplets of blood drip down your wrist and onto the floor. Fortunately, the book still looks pristine and you take a shuddering breath of relief.

“What happened?” Secondo asks.

“I… I–”

Before you can explain, he’s by your side, roughly grabbing your arm to hold it steady.

“I didn’t bleed on the book,” you stammer. “I pulled my hand away really fast.”

His grip on your wrist is impossibly tight and you wonder if he’s going to scold you for your clumsiness, for being so distracted. His lips are pressed together as he takes in your shaky frame, his eyes meeting yours with such intensity that you struggle not to break away and you feel your lips quivering as you fight back tears.

“I’m so sorry, I– I didn’t–”

“I don’t care about the book,” he says and then he pulls you out of the workshop. Once you’re safely back in his office, he leaves for the storage room. You stand there, watching the blood run over your hand, pressing your thumb into your pulse in hopes of limiting the blood flow just like he did. But the once white glove is ruined by now, blotchy and red all over.

When Secondo returns, he carries a first aid kit. He sits down on the chair in front of his desk and motions for you to join him. You carefully step beside him, hand out-stretched in a cautious offering, but he’s having none of it, he just pulls you straight into his lap and grasps your wrist again.

“Let’s examine the damage,” he says, even though you’re not sure you can even hear him. His strong thighs are firm underneath yours, keeping you steady, but then there’s the throbbing in your finger, his hand on your arm, a wild mixture of impressions that overflow your sensory perception. Your rapid heartbeat surely does nothing to help with the bleeding.

You fight the urge to shift nervously but he doesn’t seem to notice your state, just turns your hand skyward and gets to work. He meticulously removes your bloody glove, one finger at a time, the fingertips of his own turning red in the process. Frustrated by the barrier, he removes them as well, throwing them aside with an annoyed grunt. Once his bare hands grasp yours, you feel a shiver running down your spine. The pain in your finger ceases to exist for a moment as you realise that this is the first skin on skin contact you ever shared. You’re closer than ever, so close you can smell the remainders of his cologne, feel his exhales on your skin.

“It’s not as bad as I thought,” Secondo muses. “You hit a bad spot.”

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper. “I’m not usually so careless.”

“I know, my dove. It happens.”

Not to me, you want to say, not while I’m here, trying so hard to impress you.

“Go wash out the wound,” he orders then, his hand patting your hip in encouragement, dangerously close to your ass.

You reluctantly hop off his legs and wash your hand in the sink in the workshop. The water runs red at first but turns clear in the matter of seconds. With the blood gone, the wound only looks half as scary and you’re far less shaky when you return to the office.

You expect Secondo to just leave you to yourself now, but he immediately pulls you back into his lap, turning slightly to reach into the first aid kid on his desk, fiddling for bandaids and a spray bottle with disinfectant. You patiently hold out your hand, waiting for him to figure out the logistics.

The antiseptic stings and you flinch, more from shock than actual pain. Secondo is so careful, not a single tremor in his deft fingers as he applies the bandaid, making sure it sits tight around your still throbbing digit.

“There,” he says. “It is better now, yes?”

You nod, sniffling as you try to calm down. “Thank you, Papa.” 

His mismatched eyes meet yours and the concerned furrow in his brow softens. One of his hands rests on your hip, the other comes up, hovering by your jaw as though he’s scared to touch you. You feel his fingertips grazing your skin, tickling, exploring cautiously.

His gentle touch gives you courage. You lean in slowly and press your lips to his cheek. The feeling of his skin against your lips is so soft that you linger, kissing again and again, slowly moving them further down while one of your hands skims his other cheek. Your last kiss hits the corner of his mouth and you hear him suck in a sharp breath through his nose. His lazy grip on your hip suddenly tightens until you can feel the tips of his fingers digging into your flesh.

You sit back and look at him. There is something wild in his eyes now, a flicker of… you can’t quite decide if it’s lust or anger. For a long moment he stares at you like this, a terrifying expression that keeps you static. Right when you come to the conclusion that he must be angry, that you have to apologise, his hand shoots up to grab your chin and then his fingers push into your hair, his second hand joining in until he’s properly holding your head. He growls and presses his lips together until his whole face is tense.

“Papa,” you whisper. “Did I–“

He shuts you up by moving to stand, simultaneously lifting you onto his desk and pushing himself between your legs until your chest is pressed to his. The first aid kit flies to the floor, but the impact is only evident by a distant cluttering because all you can focus on is him. Secondo’s hands find your head again, holding it in place as he continues to stare at you, eyes moving from your lips to your nose to your cheeks that are squished between his palms, and then, finally, they meet yours.

You think he’s going to kiss you as he leans in, but then his head abruptly turns to the side and he buries his face in your neck. With a groan, he pulls you further into him, squeezing so tightly that you lose your breath.

“You’re killing me,” he mumbles. “Oh, my dove, you will end me.”

”Papa–“

Another groan. He sounds like he’s suffering, a wounded animal about to turn into roadkill. You don’t quite understand. It feels good to be so close to him, to have him hold you like this, so you simply sink into his embrace, move your unhurt hand to the back of his neck and softly scratch his scalp. He sighs deeply, slowly relaxing against you.

“What is this?” you mumble.

He gives a dry chuckle. “I wish I knew.”

✦ ✧ ✦ 

4 The Storage Closet Incident

Are you high on glue and paint solvent? Maybe.

In any case, your head is spinning. You spent all morning so far sorting through a fresh delivery of restoration materials, taking inventory and checking if they’re complete. Papa was here earlier to check in with you but left for a clergy meeting half an hour ago, so you’re left alone inside the storage room. There are three more boxes outside in the hallway and you’re on your fourth now, different types of paints and solvents and glue. You never opened any of the cans but you swear you nevertheless inhale the biting fumes.

Upon crossing out the last few items on your list, you hear a heavy knock. Maybe you should be cautious with opening considering that no one ever knocks here, but you do indeed find Secondo in front of the entrance, still fully robed.

“Forgot my keys upstairs,” he mumbles, patting down his pockets as though they would magically appear if he just tried hard enough.

“You can take the ones inside the storage room for the rest of the day,” you suggest.

“Humph.”

He’s usually in a pretty foul mood after clergy meetings that involve his father, so you’re not surprised by the lack of conversation. You watch him pull the keys out of the lock – the door stays open while you’re busy in the storage room anyway – and when he carries them into his office, you think nothing of it. Any potential concern would have escaped you at the latest when you catch him shedding his robes through the open door. As soon as they’re hung up on the coat rack in the corner, you can’t help but sigh. He’s wearing his classic black shirt underneath – black because it won’t show the paint stains on his collar. But it barely touches his neck anyway; he keeps it open just enough to display the first few inches of dark, curly chest hair. You take in his slender form, the taut muscles on his arms stretching out the fabric as he moves around, sorting through the papers on his desk, hands covered in tight black leather gloves that perfectly match his belt.

“So…” He looks up and catches you staring. “How is inventory going?”

“Great,”you say, finally looking back at your actual work. “I’m more than halfway done.”

“Good,” he says. “You’re fast.”

You smile when you deposit the last bottle of glue onto the shelf. “Speaking of inventory, can you help me carry the rest of the boxes? I left the big ones for when you get back.”

He’s already back out of the door before you even finish your sentence, carrying one of the heavier cartons inside to where you’re standing. You push it in front of the designated shelf and wait for him to bring the other two boxes in as well – carrying both at the same time. On his way inside he bumps against the open door to the storage room and it falls close behind him. He sets the boxes down and you notice him flinching as he rights himself, even though he covers it up with a low cough. You make a mental note to acquire something for his back pains, perhaps Primo can whip up some sort of tincture or cream. And even though you highly doubt Secondo would let you rub it into his back, the image is very clear in your mind now.

You hide your deepening blush by pulling out your neat little list, flipping through the pages without actually reading anything. “Thank you, Papa. I’ll spend the rest of the afternoon sorting these until Sister needs me.”

He moves to reach out for your arm, but his hand drops before he ever reaches it. “Thank you, my dove. I know it’s tedious work.”

You smile at him, a little disappointed that he didn’t touch you. “Well, I’m happy to help in any way I can.”

His gaze lingers on you for a little longer before he pulls himself away to return to the office. Only then do you realise that something is very odd in here. The door is closed. Fully closed. With no functioning door handle inside, you have no way of getting out without the keys. For a second, all you can do is stare at the metal bar used to pull it open – and the very empty hole where the key would usually be found.

“You have the keys, Papa,” you remind him.

“I don’t,” he states. “They’re on the desk.”

His lips are pressed together tightly and you can feel the colour draining from your face.  No one ever comes down here, there is no chance people are going to find you anytime soon, at least not before your friends notice you missing.

You swear you can hear him mumble a cazzo, before he lets his forehead rest on his hand, massaging his temples, but your heart is beating so fast that it drowns out all other sounds. You’re not necessarily panicking, even though you do suddenly begin to wonder whether you’re secretly claustrophobic or not.

“It’s fine, I have my phone,” he says but you already know there won’t be any reception down here. Your suspicion is confirmed when he sets it down on the shelf next to him with a little too much force.

“My friends will probably come looking for me when I miss lunch.”

He looks over to you and suddenly his expression changes. There is a glimmer of something almost dangerous in his white eye that makes him look menacing, the effect only amplified by his skull paint and the sharp lines of his cheekbones. You back against the wall behind you, unable to look away despite your body telling you to be on alert. The last time he looked at you like this was when you hurt your hand and you wonder if he’s finally going to initiate more. The thought is arousing and bone-chilling at the same time.

”Papa–“

“Are you scared?” he interrupts, reading you perfectly.

“No,” you reply. “I’m not claustrophobic.”

He approaches you slowly, the soles of his black leather shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor. “That is not what I meant.”

When he stops right in front of you, you swallow, your throat suspiciously dry all of a sudden. You can smell him over the paint solvent now, his cologne so heavy in your nose that you get dizzy. If you weren’t high before, then you are definitely high now. Instead of fear, you suddenly feel incredibly, stupidly bold, full of adrenaline and longing.

“I’m not scared of you,” you say somewhat confidently. “I’m not scared of being alone with you.”

You should be, his eyes are telling you. Even closer now, he leans into you, his hands resting on the wall on either side of your head. You know the eye contact is something he enjoys so you keep your eyes on him without flinching away.

“If I had you right here right now no one would hear you screaming.” He chuckles uncomically, his voice deeper than you’ve ever heard it before. “I could do to you whatever I want.”

“Then why don’t you?”

He furrows his brow. “Hm?”

“Why the hell don’t you?” you challenge. “Why don’t you show me what you want to do to me?”

He seems taken aback by this, staring down at you with his lips slightly parted. For a second you think he’s going to snap back, scold you for disrespecting him, but he just huffs out a laugh. “You know why.”

“No I don’t!” You fight back tears as all of your suppressed emotions threaten to spill out. A strangled sob almost swallows your next words. “I don’t.”

Secondo stares at you and you finally look away, trying hard to stay quiet. You know this is not what he expected to happen and neither had you. But you can’t stop, you’ve lost control over your emotions and now that the cork has been removed you can’t get it back inside.

“I keep trying to find a reason why you don’t want me.” You force your gaze to meet his once more, despite being afraid of what you’re going to see in his eyes. “What’s wrong with me, Papa? What do I lack that the others before me had? What is wrong with me that you don’t even want me for a night?”

You’re crying now, struggling to make sense of him. Frankly, you’re already embarrassed by your outburst and expect him to laugh it off or gently tell you that he appreciates you but just doesn’t feel attracted to you like that. Even him yelling at you would help at this point.

“My dove–”

“Don’t call me that.”

He cocks his head to the side, his lip quivering slightly. “Where is this coming from now?”

You don’t reply, even though your pout should be answer enough. Secondo regards you for a long moment but there is no anger, only curiosity.

“Who knew you could be so feisty?” he mumbles, leaning in even closer but turning away just before your mouths can touch. 

His lips ghost over your cheek, down your jaw, but they never touch. All you can feel is his hot breath on your skin, the tip of his nose dragging over your cheekbone. You squirm, letting out a desperate, high-pitched whimper. Secondo chuckles against your ear and the unfamiliar sound goes straight to your core, goosebumps running all over your body.

“You’re cruel,” you whisper. “So cruel.”

“I am.” His lips touch the shell of your ear. “But you seem to enjoy it.” 

Impulsively, you wrap your hands around his neck for support. Secondo moves to look at you again, his pupils blown wide with lust. This time, you close the gap by leaning in, but he turns away just slightly, the tip of his nose brushing against yours. You try again, more boldly this time, and you swear your lips are already grazing his, but then they’re gone again. His hand moves to grip your chin painfully tight, his thumb digging into your cheek so hard you can feel it pressing against your teeth. You’re completely immobile and when you test it out, his grip tightens even more. You’re pretty sure you’ll find subtle bruises all around your jaw tomorrow.

Secondo’s mouth still hovers just in front of yours, his exhales tickling your face, but he remains just out of reach. You whimper in desperation and he chuckles again, nuzzling your nose.

“Not so bold anymore now, eh?”

“Please,” you whine, squirming in his grip.

“Please what?”

You let out a half-strangled mewl. “P-please.”

Secondo hums and he can feel your body shivering underneath his, muscles jerking, everything inside of you trying to reach for more. He knows he’s being cruel, knows that you’re suffering, but he can’t deny that the thrill of having you at his mercy like that is spurring him on. He wants to test out your limits, see how far he can go, if he can get you to beg even more. You’re always so good, so quiet and polite. Seeing those previously unknown sides of you is like unwrapping a birthday gift and why should he stop when there is still so much more to explore?

You whimper louder this time and he brings his other hand to your waist, pulling you flush against him. A gasp and your mouth stays open just slightly, lips wet and glistening with spit, still pushed into a beautiful little pout bis his gloved fingers. He pushes his erection against you, eliciting a moan from you that seems to come from somewhere deep within. It’s what tips him over the edge, his patience dissolving into thin air. He unravels, closing the gap and swallowing all of your other sounds with his mouth. The kiss is sudden and almost violent. He has to release your jaw to ease the pressure on your head, but he just moves his hand down to your neck instead. More moans and whimpers as his tongue pushes into your now open mouth and it’s adorable how you keep trying to move against him. He rewards your efforts by easing up just slightly, allowing you to taste him as well. 

Secondo is not sure what’s taking hold of him but he can’t fight the urge to taste more of your body. You’re all breathless when his mouth moves to your cheek and over your jaw, soothing, exploring. His lips find the soft skin below your ear, a shiver running down his neck. He can feel the tendon there twitching underneath his tongue and then he’s just sucking with reckless abandon, his intensity the result of a week-long, maybe even month-long starvation.

You moan into his ear and he thinks he’s going to lose it, his hips move on their own accord, pushing against you. It’s not a lot of friction but it’s enough to extract a deep groan from him. He wants to let go, he wants to have you so bad that it’s starting to obscure all rational thought. But he can’t lose control like that, not right now. As a safety precaution he pulls away, slotting his knee between your legs instead. With his hand on your hips he pulls you forward and you groan at the friction. A strangled sob and you try to wriggle for more. It’s uncomfortable with all the layers of clothing in between. His own pants are so tight that it provides him more pain than relief but to see you unravelling under his ministrations is enough to keep him going.

“Please,” you whisper, wriggling even more but his hand on your hips stays firm. He can feel the fabric of his pants getting wet under your movements, your crotch hot against his leg.

“Feels like you’re leaking onto my thigh,” he whispers back. “You’re such a mess, my dove, and I haven’t even done anything yet.”

You moan again, completely beyond words. He had this coming, he knows it. This was bound to happen at some point, the inevitable. But you’re at his mercy now and Secondo knows how to handle responsibility. He can see in your eyes that you’re too far gone now and for a second this clarity hits him like a brick. It’s almost like he’s watching the scene from above, bird’s eye view. This is exactly what he did not want – to fuck you like it’s just that, like it’s just sex, a quick romp in a closet, not even fully undressed, no real intimacy. Right now, it’s all you want, it’s all he wants, but what’s going to happen after?

Secondo pulls his head back to assess the situation, but when he sees the slowly drying tears on your cheeks, your still watery eyes, his paint and spit smeared all over your face and neck, he can’t bring himself to say any words that could possibly hurt you.

He’s lucky to be spared any excuses by a plethora of muffled noises in the background. Your eyes widen at the same time as he hears them and reality slowly settles around you again.

“Fratello?” The voice is barely audible through the thick door. “Secondo? Hellooooo?”

He acts faster than you even seem to realise what’s going on, gently letting go of you in favour of banging his fist against the door as rapidly as he can, trying to draw attention to you. There is barely any time to recover. The door opens after a minute and you find Terzo glancing into the room, hands still on the key in the lock.

“Oh, there you are, Secondo. Got locked inside, eh?” Then he smirks. “And with your little assistente no less. Tesoro, you look so flustered, did my brother–”

“Stai zitto,” Secondo snaps, pushing past him before his brother can get any good glimpse at the situation in and on his pants. “What do you even want down here?”

“Oh, thank you, caro fratellino, for saving us from being locked inside this room all day.”

A scoff. Secondo’s eyes find you again when you close the door of the storage room behind you and you struggle to meet his eyes. A pang of guilt, fear even, of what is going to happen now.

Terzo, completely unhelpful, looks between the two of you. “So, what happened here, eh? What did I miss?”

“Nothing, Papa,” you say quickly. “The door closed but it doesn’t have a handle on the inside. We had to use the key for something else earlier and forgot to put it back.”

“That’s not what I meant, tesoro.” Terzo glances at his brother and then back at you, furrowing his brow now that he’s seeing you both in proper lighting. There is a sudden edge of concern on his face. “Sibling, you look like you’ve been crying.”

Secondo is surprised that this is the first thing his brother comments on. You avoid both of their gazes, wringing your hands behind your back. “Oh, it’s nothing. I should probably go… I need to get back to work and I’m already late. Sister won’t be happy.”

Terzo cocks his head to the side, stopping you before you can walk out. He talks in a hushed, gentle voice, practically shutting Secondo out. “You should take a moment to calm down, tesoro, have a trip to the bathroom before you face Sister. You’re quite the mess.”

You nod at him, a grateful smile on your face, and then your eyes meet Secondo’s. A quarter of a second, nothing more, and he has no chance to convey anything with his expression. You give Terzo another pained smile and then you hurry outside.

The two man both wait for you to close the door  before they face each other. Secondo has settled behind his desk by now, a healthy distance between them that seems to be the only thing keeping their tempers in check. Secondo can’t help but scowl, gripping the edge of the table so tight that his knuckles turn white. “This is none of your business, Terzo. I don’t meddle in your affairs.”

“Why did they cry?” Terzo asks, unimpressed. “What did you do?”

“Why do you ask it like that?”

“It’s usually not a good sign when someone cries after making out, fratello. Don’t think I cannot see your ruined make-up. Your little assistente looked even worse.”

Secondo almost jumps from his chair. “You think I would hurt them?”

“I don’t think you would hurt them,” Terzo explains calmly. “Not physically at least. But everyone sees how they look at you, stronzo, how you look at each other.  Did you fuck up?”

Secondo breathes out a sigh, his hand relaxing as he leans back in his chair. “I don’t know.”

Terzo takes a few cautious steps towards him. “Look, I know, you’re not the type, you don’t fall in love, blablabla. But it is never too late to settle down if you find your person, you know? It may feel like giving up your freedom, but look at what you gain.” 

“Aha. And what is that?”

Terzo smirks. “Someone who puts up with all of your bullshit.”

A drawn-out pause as they stare at each other.

Finally, Secondo exhales all the stowed anger, shaking his head incredulously. “I can’t believe you’re trying to explain to me how relationships work. You.”

Terzo shrugs, moving back towards the exit. “Think about it. You are going to feel so much more balanced.”

He’s halfway out the door when Secondo notices that he never told him why he was here in the first place. Thinking back, he’s not sure he’s ever seen his brother in this workshop or anywhere close to this part of the basement before.

“What did you want down here?” he calls after him.

“Huh?” Terzo turns back to him, shrugging nonchalantly. “Ah, you know, a ghoul noticed you two were trapped in there and to be honest… I’m kind of invested now.”

✦ ✧ ✦ 

5 Returning the Favour

A note.

You pick up the weighty envelope that someone, most likely a ghoul, had delivered to you earlier by sliding it underneath your door.  The paper has your name on it in beautiful cursive, deep black ink, a green wax seal with a II stamped into it, keeping the contents safe. The note inside is written in a similar fashion, kept very brief and in neat handwriting. All it says is: My quarters, 7pm. Secondo.

Considering you spent most of the night in pure agony, this is a welcome glimmer of hope. He is reaching out and that is what matters, despite all of your doubts and anxieties telling you otherwise, obscuring the joy you should feel at the fact that things are finally moving.

You take the note and press it to your heart, sitting back down on the bed in your tiny quarters. It smells vaguely of his cologne or at least the whimsical part of you wants it to. In any case, he wrote it, thinking about you, maybe even longing for you. Your worries slowly melt at that thought, even though you’re aware you’re in love with the most unattainable man in the whole abbey.

If you had glanced outside the window in that very moment, you would have caught Secondo making his way through the gardens and to the greenhouse – a man on a mission.

He had been pondering all night what he could possible do to make it up to you, to set things right. And there is really only one thing he could think of: Food.

When you made him lunch he promised to return the favour. Another unprecedented lapse. Secondo cooks, he loves to cook, but he does not cook for his dates. It’s too intimate, too personal. His kitchen is sacred, preparing food a form of meditation after a long day. It’s a part of himself he doesn’t share with fleeting encounters.

So when he found himself in a nearby Italian market earlier, carefully choosing the ingredients for a meal, he almost felt lost. He’s bought in bulk before, he’s bought for himself before, but he’s never bought specifically for two. And most unsettlingly, it feels good.

Now, here in Primo’s sanctuary, he has almost made peace with these new developments. 

Almost.

 “Buon pomeriggio, fratello,” he greets the older man. “I am in need of some fresh basil.”

Primo immediately picks up his scissors. “Che fortunato. My basil plants are thriving at the moment.”

Secondo has no doubts about that. The smells inside the greenhouse are rich and aromatic, a sensory reminder of all the summers he spent in the Italian countryside, trying to connect with his roots. As much as he loves big cities with their bustling night lives, clubs and parties, exclusive bars and restaurants… this is home. 

While he’s busy reminiscing, Primo moves to an array of basil plants in the corner, their oval leaves a vivid shade of green. Secondo is pleased with that. They’re going to turn his dish into the most beautiful colours and since his objective for today is that everything has to be perfect, details like that matter.

“È sufficiente?” Primo asks.

“A bit more. I am cooking for two tonight.”

Primo furrows his brow, cutting some more leaves off the delicate plant. “You have a guest for dinner? Someone special, then?”

Secondo hates that he knows him so well sometimes, but Primo is the only one who was ever even close to a healthy father figure for him. His counsel is the only one he truly values, even though he is rare to seek it out these days. 

All he can do is give a curt nod in reply.

“You’re in love,” Primo states with a smile. “That is a good thing, you know?”

Secondo makes a face. “I feel like I am sick. I don’t know how people do it.”

“It will stop feeling like that at some point,” Primo explains, carefully placing the cut basil in a small basket. “You will grow to appreciate a steady presence by your side, fratello, especially when you reach my age.”

Secondo wants to reply that he doubts it, but it would be a lie to pretend he hasn’t thought about it since getting close to you. You are steady. You are smart and kind and caring, he can talk to you as well as be silent with you. There hasn’t been a single moment in all these months now in which he’s grown tired of you. And yes, that is unprecedented as well.

“Thank you for the basil,” Secondo says.

Primo gives him a gentle, brotherly smile.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

A tentative knock. 

Secondo looks up from the counter and towards the door, his heart rate quickening in a concerning jump. Another knock, more confident this time. He chuckles to himself. You’re nervous but you don’t want him to think that you are – which is exactly how he’s feeling right now.

Before he opens, he wipes his hands on his black slacks, rights the collar of his white shirt, and then there you are. There you are.

And it’s a sight he will never forget. He’s very pleased to see that you dressed up for him. When he kisses your cheek in greeting, he catches your scent and the perfume with its sweet as well as tangy notes perfectly mirrors your character. It takes everything in him to break away again.

“Thank you for following my invitation,” he says, closing the door behind you.

A shy smile. “It sounded more like an order.”

He feels his heart plummeting and for a second there is a shadow of doubt crossing his mind. “Is that the reason you came? Because you felt obligated?”

Your eyes widen and you quickly shake your head. “No. No, I would have come either way, no matter why you want me here.”

Relief. He takes your arm and gently guides you further into the room. “I want you here because I promised to cook for you and I intend to keep that promise.”

“So, this is a dinner date?” 

“Yes.”

“A date date?”

“Yes.”

Your smile is worth it, genuine and so bright that he almost forgets what he’s supposed to do. Your lips are all he can focus on when you’re so close and it’s only when he sees them form an O that he realises he’s been staring. Secondo finally pulls you into the kitchen area and motions for you to sit on a stool at his counter. It’s surreal to see you here, such different surroundings, but it’s a sight he could get used to.

“Is that fresh basil from the greenhouse?” you ask.

Secondo values a professional mise en place, every ingredient neatly laid-out ready to be used which gives you the perfect opportunity to analyse everything he’s going to use. “It is.”

“So you did guess my favourite.”

“I didn’t guess, my dove.” He looks up at you. “You’re not the only one who is observant.”

You smirk and while he’s busy filling a big pot with water to boil the pasta you take in his quarters. Naturally, they are much bigger than yours, the kitchen and living area combined into a spacious room, all dark colours, black and grey, contrasted with a few light grey touches here and there. You notice a lingering smell of incense and what you can only assume is cigar smoke. A small serving cart turned into a bar sits next to an emerald green couch with velvet upholstering. Your eyes are drawn to a carafe filled with a dark ember liquid, sitting right next to a crystal ashtray that reflects the remainders of sunlight streaming in through the arched windows.

Secondo sets the heavy pot down on the stove and the thud makes you turn your head back to him. He’s noticed you drifting off, hoping that you like what you’re seeing, that you wouldn’t mind spending time here more often. His home in the abbey has been crafted very consciously over the past decade, every item carefully curated. He’s toying with the optimal balance between luxurious and still slightly understated, comfortable.

Your face doesn’t betray your opinion but as he turns on the stove, you slip from your stool. He watches you from the corner of his eye as you join him behind the counter and tries not to let you deter him from the task at hand – salting the water, one of many steps. You come to a stop right behind him and then he feels your arms snaking around his waist, squeezing tightly as you press yourself into his back, your cheek right against his shoulder. It’s an unexpectedly tender hug, like you just need to be close to him in any way that you can, and despite your soft affection that he so struggles to accept, he’s immensely relieved to have you closer. 

Secondo lets you hold him for however long you want. He can clearly imagine your squished cheek, your puckered lips, and all he wants is to spin you around and kiss you breathless. But his plan says no physicality until after dinner. He knows he won’t be able to stop once you start touching, and he has a lot to do until then, a lot to say until then. So it’s dinner first, then discussing the necessities, and then he can fuck you.

“My dove, you’re distracting me,” he says, finally adding a generous amount of salt to the water.

“Mhm.” You duck underneath his arm and hug him sideways now, your face melting into his neck. When your nose brushes against his sensitive skin it’s almost enough to make him come undone. A shiver runs down his spine and you give a satisfied hum at his reaction. “Actually, I was wondering… is it allowed to kiss the chef?”

“Ordinarily, it’s not.”

A kiss just below his ear. “And un-ordinarily?”

Fuck his plan. 

He grabs your hips and pulls you flush against him, bringing one gloved hand up to cup your cheek. He stops for a second, taking in the barely visible bruises on your jaw. With the memory of what happened in the storage room clear in his mind, he feels a jolt of lust, and then his mouth is on yours. This time, he’s not as forceful, but it’s not as soft as he would wish either. He can’t help but push his tongue into your mouth at the first opportunity, tasting you and a hint of minty toothpaste. You moan softly, clinging to the front of his shirt until he’s sure he could have spared himself the trouble of ironing it.

He breaks away, staring at your swollen lips, the skin around them all red and wet with spit.

Oh, that mouth.

He’s going to lose his mind over it, slowly but surely, and he can’t help but kiss you again, slower, deeper, exploring every inch of you with his tongue.

When he breaks away this time, you smile and the way it stretches your lips, plumps the apples of your cheeks and brings out that joyful glimmer in your eyes – it feels so personal, so very intimate to him. This kind of smile should belong to him and only him.

“Are you very worried about this?” you ask suddenly, smoothing your hand over his shirt. “About us?”

A deep, long sigh. “I worry, yes. I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

Your hand slides up his neck, softly cradling his cheek. “All I want is you, Secondo, in any way that I can.”

He smiles at the use of his name, closing his eyes as he leans into your touch. It may well be the first smile in a long time that he doesn’t even attempt to hold back, though he’s not sure if that’s true. He catches himself smiling at the mere thought of you more often than seems healthy. In your presence, his mouth does a lot of things he simply can’t control anymore.

Like kiss you again right now, fiercely, passionately, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth until you start whining. At this point, he doubts he will ever be sated. His need for you is an ever-expanding black hole and he’s teetering at the edge of being consumed himself. But he’s no stranger to uncertainty, to taking risks, as much as he hates the feeling of powerlessness. And so the next time you part, he turns off the stove despite the water almost boiling, and pulls you into his bedroom.

There should have been a conversation at some point tonight that lasted more than that one sentence of reassurance you gave him, an honest exchange of expectations, feelings and hopes, but maybe he doesn’t have to say it.

It’s a knee-jerk response, a very reactionary change of plans: Make love to you (or at least attempt it), eat dinner, then fuck you for the rest of the night.

The bedroom, unsurprisingly, is dominated by a huge four-poster bed, clad in emerald green sheets that give off a sweet scent, only overpowered by the smoky aroma of the incense burning on Secondo’s altar, the light of numerous black candles dipping the room in a warm, flickering light, heavy curtains blocking out the sun completely. 

You stand in front of his bed shivering in anticipation. 

“Two things,” he says, eyes fixated on yours. “First: In here, it is Papa. At least for now.”

You nod. 

“Second: You will tell me immediately if I do anything that you don’t like. No shame, no judgement. You use your words to let me know what you want or do not want. Yes?”

“Yes, Papa.”

He smirks. You learn fast, but he knows that already. Secondo reaches out for your hands, taking both of them in his and bringing them to his lips, gently but insistingly kissing your knuckles. In the dim light, his features look daunting, a stark contrast to his soft mouth. His eyes meet yours, fervently, longingly, and then he drops your hands and pulls you in for a real kiss. This time, knowing he won’t have to hold back anymore, he lets his hands roam free, opening buttons, freeing every inch of your skin with deft, confident fingers, until you’re completely bare in front of him. His mouth doesn’t leave yours even as you gasp for air, sucking and licking on whatever he can reach. Ultimately, he keeps your bottom lip trapped between his teeth to allow you some air, teasing it with his tongue before swallowing your next breath yet again. Meanwhile, his hands explore the outlines of your body, big, curious hands still covered in leather, mapping out every single detail.

Shaky fingers toy with the buttons on his shirt, not managing to open any of them but trailing further down until they find his belt. He allows you to fiddle with the buckle, if only because your warm fingers graze his abdomen with every attempt to open it. When you give up and reach further down, he gently removes your hands and pulls away from the kiss.

You look at him with big eyes, whimpering softly, and he can tell that you’re nervous.

“Relax, my dove,” he says, swiping his thumb over your hot cheek. “All I want is to take care of you. Now, get on the bed.”

You do as he says, so obedient. Secondo removes his belt slowly, watching you stretch out amongst his sheets and pillows. His hand falters at the sight. You’re beautiful, a dream come true, and in that moment he is immensely relieved that he did not give into his impulses before.

With your eyes on him, he removes his shirt and steps out of his pants. He didn’t bother with underwear, so when he joins you on the bed there is nothing separating you anymore. Your skin is hot under his as he crawls between your legs, towering over your shivering form.

He can’t help but kiss you once more, licking into your waiting mouth. Your hand moves to his head, scratching softly, and he hums as he allows his lips to travel to your neck. He finds a deep purple hickey there which shouldn’t come as a surprise to him since he left it there a mere day ago but the sight nevertheless makes him proud. You’re already marked as his and when the night is over, your whole body will be.

Making true on that promise, his lips trail down your body, stamping soft, lingering kisses to your chest, your nipples, licking down to your abdomen where he stays for a moment.

“Hm, così dolce,” he whispers. “So sweet.”

“Papa,” you say.

He looks up. “Yes?”

You buck your hips slightly. “I need… I need more.”

He sits back, intense eyes circling in on you as he removes his gloves, throwing them aside. “Open your mouth, tesoro, show me that sweet tongue.”

You do, poking out your tongue slightly, and he leans back over you, sliding two fingers in between your still swollen lips. You start to suck, swivelling your tongue around his digits and he can feel his cock twitching at the sight and feeling.

“So good for me, my dove,” he whispers. “So good for your Papa.”

You moan around his digits, the vibrations sending a pang of need into his body. When you start to breathe heavily through your nose, he decides that his fingers are wet enough. His hand snakes down your body, collecting more of your arousal, and then he starts working you slowly, carefully. You whimper, demanding more, but for right now he’s not going to hurry. You’re not going to come before he’s inside of you.

He continues for a bit longer until you can feel the arousal flowing through your whole body, building up into waves that make you shiver. His fingers find your waiting hole, spreading out the combination of spit and arousal on his hand and stretching you open bit by bit. His hard cock, already leaking precum, sits hot and heavy against your thigh. Mismatched eyes never leave yours, catching ever flicker of lust and pleasure in your half-lidded eyes, even as the squelching sounds between your legs get louder and you barely manage to hold his gaze anymore.

“Please,” you whisper. “Please, Papa.”

“Please what?” he demands. “Words, tesoro.”

You swallow heavily, chest heaving as your body tries to search for his, but he’s hovering just above you, propped up on one arm, massaging your insides with the other.

“I want you, Papa,” you say. “Please, I need you inside of me, need to f-feel you. Please.”

Secondo could listen to you all day and maybe later he’s going to see just how long he can get you to beg, but right now he’s too impatient, too eager, spurred on by how tight and wet you feel around his fingers. His cock is aching for friction and so he removes his hand, ignoring the disapproving whine you let out.

“Since you ask so nicely,” he says.

Cock in hand, he lines himself up, carefully pushing inside. Your head falls back into the pillows as you let out a drawn-out hum, taking him so well, inch by inch, and he feels a flutter inside of his chest at the sight. Your legs wrap around his back, heels digging into his ass, and he lets his chest sink onto yours, waiting for you to relax, to adjust. Pressed together like that, a searing wave of emotion overcomes him, deep, warm, an intense longing to never let go that is utterly unfamiliar to him. He has to unload the sudden tension in a heated kiss, feeling your moans and whimpers reverberating inside of him as he slowly starts moving.

He tries to make it last, to keep up a careful, deliberate rhythm. He really, really tries, biting his lip to hold back, but he soon has to go faster to stay sane. More desperate noises from you as his thrusts get harder and weeks of held-back need for you spill out from inside of him. Attaching his lips to the still unmarked side of your soft neck, he starts sucking, biting, trying to absorb you into him. You keen, one hand on his neck, the other tightly grabbing his shoulder for support. With a pop, he removes his mouth to take a deep breath and your expression is hazy, eyes clouded with lust. He shifts his weight onto one arm, angling your hips up slightly and you clench around him over and over again at the changed angle, crying out softly at every roll of his hips. He feels himself getting close and to his relief he can tell you’re getting there too, trembling underneath him more and more.

“Please,” you say, strangled, whimpery. “Please, Papa, I n-need to– need to come.”

He growls, bringing his hand between your bodies to help you over the edge. It’s strenuous, his arm protesting wildly, but when he feels your sticky arousal on his fingers, it’s enough to keep him going.

“Come for me,” he says. “Come on my cock, tesoro. You’ve been so good for your Papa.”

It’s all you need, two more thrusts and a few words of praise, and you tighten around him, crying out as your whole body shudders. He gives a few more laborious thrusts to draw out your pleasure before he finally changes the angle, taking the weight off his arm until he can pound into you harder, chasing his own release. His hips snap against yours, loud obscene sounds, and you whimper in overstimulation, arms wrapping around him gently as he stills. A low moan leaves his burning throat and he spills inside of you, filling you up with his seed. His hips stutter a few more times before he rolls onto his side, dragging you with him.

Heavy, panting breaths fills the sudden silence of the room. Secondo pulls you close and you settle against his chest, breathing kisses to his sweaty skin, softly licking up the column of his throat. He only hums and for a long time, you stay like this, tangled up in silky sheets and the comfort of each other. His hold on you is so tight that you don’t, not even for a second, doubt whether he meant everything that just happened, all the things he can’t bring himself to tell you yet but that you can feel so clearly even in his silence – and for now, that’s enough.

“You sabotaged my dinner plans,” he finally whispers, breathing more slowly now. “I didn’t even get to open the wine.”

You chuckle against his neck. “Would you like me to help you preparing it now?”

Secondo sighs deeply, pulling you closer. “No, my dove, give your Papa a few more minutes of this, yes?”

By the way you can feel him twitching against your belly, you highly doubt that it’s only going to be a few more minutes. He knows this too, his plans long abandoned, and when you prop yourself up to look at him, eyes full of reverent love for an old man like him, he starts to embrace all of the changes you bring into his life. Maybe Terzo was right after all, maybe it’s never too late, not even for someone like him.

Thank you for reading! I know this was very long but believe me, writing it was a pain too :D I hope you enjoyed it – kudos, comments, rbs etc are as always very appreciated ♡

Masterlist – my Ao3

[genderkoolaid]

Do you still believe HRT, which unless you have a messed up endocrine system doesn't hurt or sterilize anyone , and SRS, which often calls for reduction or addition of things and doesn't have to entail the removal of any genitals, gonads etc, are in the same vein as being trans abled, and wanting things like debilitating illness, removed limbs, and to use mobility aids etc when physically and mentally abled? /genq

It could've been a trollpost, but I saw someone posting about something that supposedly came from you about how it's the same as removing healthy gonads or to sterilize oneself intentionally to want a limb removed to disable oneself /g

Uh, yeah, at the very least I believe it doesn't make sense to support people's ability to choose one but not the other. [Also as a necessary disclaimer: I am physically disabled and I use both a cane and a wheelchair. It has had a major impact on my life. This is my opinion as a cripple who suffers on a daily basis from both my disabilities and systemic ableism.]

If you get healthy gonads or sex organs removed, you are essentially reproductively disabled. When it comes to phalloplasty, especially RFF, your arm can experience some nerve issues (which for most people is not serious, there are therapies you do to help recover) but you could, potentially, experience some kind of disability. None of this is a value statement about any kind of medical transition because disability is morally neutral. In fact for many people being reproductively disabled is an entirely positive thing! Even though for another person it could be deeply upsetting!

I've fought for a long time against TERF fearmongering about transmasculine transition, specifically HRT, and their warnings that "it will make your good pure body DISABLED!!!!!" which is both ableist and transphobic. It comes from the assumption that a disabled body is inherently lesser and tragic and a place of suffering, and that no trans person would ever take disability for the ability to experience euphoria and relieve their dysphoria. Many of us would rather be disabled and happy than abled and suffering. So why do we only get to apply this to medical transitioning for trans people?

Yes, obviously getting a limb removed or paralyzed or losing a sense is going to change how you live and you will have to deal with a lot of ableism. But it's not up to me to tell someone else that they shouldn't pursue happiness and relieve because oh no! They might be a DISABLED PERSON! The worst thing to be in the whole wide world!!!!!!!! Like disabled people already have to constantly hear "wow if I was you I'd kill myself." And while you shouldn't comment your feelings on someone else's condition unprovoked, I think it's way better to see people getting excited to live a happy and active disabled life instead of constant traumaporn. So yeah I think people should have the ability to pursue voluntary disability & I also think it would be cool to see people with BIID reclaim the label of transabled, since it was coined by a BIID activist to create a less medicalized and suffering-focused way of talking about BIID.

(Also, my stance as a mobility user has always been that the only criteria you need to fill to get a mobility aid is thinking it could help you. People already suffer unnecessarily because they are worried they aren't "disabled enough" to deserve an aid. So if someone w BIID feels better when walking with crutches I don't care! Especially if they actively fight against systemic ableism and inaccessibility! I am wayyyyy more concerned with all the buildings in my hometown with no goddamn elevator + crosswalks with no button or speaker than I am with someone using a wheelchair because it helps their dysphoria.)

[stalkerofthegods]

Asclepius deep dive

Herbs •milkweed (tuberosa or "Pleurisy root".), bay leaves, and any herbs used in the medical field. 

Animals• snakes (most importantly the Aesculapian snake), dogs, goats, crow/ravens (depending on the myth), 

constellation• Ophiochus

Colors • yellow, white (association with Apollo), red, pink, and orange for healing

Crystal• quartz, rhodonite, amethyst, fluorite, selenite, citrine

Symbols• his staff of a rod with a snake on it. 

can wear in their honor• a medical badge, scrubs, a necklace, or a ring with their symbol on it

Diety of• medicine, healing, health

Patron of• doctors, nurses, medicinal practices, sterilizing objects (ex-cleaning dishes with hot water, cleaning surgical equipment), cleaning, and sickness, wells (believed to have healing properties).

Offerings• snake skin (especially from the Aesculapian snake), pills, disregarded pills, health objects (inhaler, a prescribed messager), PRESCRIBED or LEGAL weed (((often used to calm the mind/soul))), animal phallus/and or roosters ((I couldn’t tell which)) (...cocks were sacrificed to Asclepius if they survived their illness), goat meat (goats were sacrificed to Asclepius if they survived their illness), your pill bottles, he loves statues, he loves clay/bronze humanoid figurines, he loves anything hand made, vitamins, meat, milk, honey, wine, candle, stuffed animal snake, Anti-inflammatory soup 

Devotional• washing hands, washing clothes/sheets, taking your pills, voluntary work for the sick, helping dementia paitents, helping old people, helping disabled people, taking medical classes (nurse/doctor college, etc), taking CPR classes, teaching others about CPR, donating to nurses/doctors, helping teach about mental health, helping others seek help, get a therapist license, put up mental health posters, help mental health groups, help donate to the homeless/unfortunate, take care of snakes, help animals get care, help donate to those who need medical help, learn about the Aesculapian snake, take care of an Aesculapian snake, take care of snakes, learn about snakes and their habitats, learn about his research, learn about his children and wife (Epione and their children Hygeia, Iaso, Aceso, Aglaea, Panacea, Machaon, Podalirius, Telesphoros, Aratus), worship his children and his wife, take care of dogs, volunteer at a dog shelter, help people adopt dogs, help fundraisers for dogs, help homeless dogs, help people learn about the proper care of dogs, suport vets, help vets, learn the veternaran pratice, helping those in the mental insututions, helping those learn how to safely self-harm, donate to programs who try to stop self-harm, donate to the self help/sucide hotlines, work at sucide hotlines and programs, do self-help yoga and self-help animal yoga (goat, dog, cat yoga), learn how to resserect people (cpr, mouth to mouth, electrocution), help people gain acess to food and water, taking ur medicane, learning medicane, learning medicinal herbs, learn about toxicology, learn about posions, learn about cures, learn about how to treat posions, taking vitamins, giving ur animals their mediciane, drink herbal teas, use heating pads for cramps, go and get regular doctor visits, exercise, take breaks from screens, eat three meals a day, maintain a good sleep schedule, engage in relaxing activity’s, practice coping skills, spend time with loved ones and animals, take a shower especially with herbal steamers, learn anatomy, grow your own herbs/produce, play surgery games/board games.

Ephithets• Aesculapius/Esculapius/Asclepius- Aesculapius is the Roman name for Asklipiós, Aglaópis/aglaopes/Ἀγλαόπης/ΑΓΛΑΟΠΗΣ- Aglaópais is an epithet of Asklipiós in Lakohnía, Aglaopes - See Aglaópis. Agnítas/αγνίτας/ΑΓΝΙΤΑΣ- Agnítas is an epithet of Asklipiós from a wooden statue of the God in Sparta, Archagetas - See Arkhayǽtas, Arkhayǽtas/archagetas/ἀρχαγέτας/ΑΡΧΑΓΕΤΑΣ- founder which is an epithet of Asklipiós from Phohkís, Asclepius - See Asklipiós, Asklipiós/Asclepius/Ἀσκληπιός/ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ- Asklipiós is the principal name of the God, the great physician and son of Apóllohn, Asclepius - See Asklipiós, Aulonius - See Avlohníos, Avlohníos/Aulonius/Αὐλωνίος/ΑΥΛΩΝΙΟΣ- Avlohníos is an epithet of Asklipiós from the valley of Avlón where stood a temple to the God, Caüsios - See Kaousíos, Coronides - See Koronídis, Cotylaeus - See Kotylǽohs, Demenetes - See Dimainǽtos, Dimainǽtos/Demenetes/Δημαινέτος/ΔΗΜΑΙΝΕΤΟΣ- Dimainǽtos is a name of Asklipiós, after Dimainǽtis who founded a temple to the God near the river Alpheiós, Êpios - See Ípios, Esculapius - Esculapius is the Roman name for Asklipiós, Esplace - Esplace is the Etruscan name for Asklipiós, Gortýnios/Gortynius/Γορτύνιος/ΓΟΡΤΥΝΙΟΣ- Gortýnios is a name of Asklipiós used at a temple dedicated to him at Titáni in Sikyóhnia, Gortynius - See Gortýnios, Hagnitas - See Agnítas, Iatrós/jatros/ἰατρὸς/ΙΑΤΡΟΣ- meaning one who heals, physician or surgeon, Ípios/epios/ἴπιος/ΗΠΙΟΣ- gentle, kind, Kaousíos/Caüsios/Καουσίος/ΚΑΟΥΣΙΟΣ- Asklipiós was called Kaousíos after the village Kaous, Koronídis/Coronides/Κορωνίδης/ΚΟΡΩΝΙΔΗΣ- an epithet of Asklipiós after his mother Korohnís, Kotylǽohs/cotylaeus/κοτυλέως/ΚΟΤΥΛΕΩΣ/κοτυλεύς.- Kotylǽohs (of the hip-joint) (The temple was built by Iraklís in gratitude for being healed of a wound in the hip-joint, damaged in a contest with Ippokóöhn and his sons.), Kýros/cyrus/κῦρος, ΚΥΡΟΣ- meaning the supreme authority, Paián/Παιάν/ΠΑΙΑΝ - Paean or Paeon, the physician of the Gods, Paidós/paidos/παιδός/ΠΑΙΔΟΣ- Paidós meaning Boy, Philólaos/philolaus/φιλόλαος/ΦΙΛΟΛΑΟΣ - loving the people, Philolaus - See Philólaos, Phoebigena/Lat- Phoebigena is an epithet of Asklipiós meaning son Apollo also meaning "shining" + "γέννα " "birth," which means "born of Apóllohn.", Pyrphóros/πυρφόρος/ΠΥΡΦΟΡΟΣ- fire-bearing, especially of lightning, Salutifer Puer/Lat- meaning health-bearing boy, Sohtír/soter/σωτήρ/ΣΩΤΗΡ- savior (after a safe voyage offered sacrifice to Ζeus, the third cup of wine was dedicated to drinking beacuse this cup became a symbol of good luck, and the third time came to mean the lucky time; and Zeus was himself called τρίτος σ (epith. of other Gods, as of Apollo; of Hermes; of Asclepios; of the Dioscuri), Triccaeus - See Trikkaios, Trikkaios/Triccaeus/Τρικκαίος/ΤΡΙΚΚΑΙΟΣ- a name he was called in a temple in Mæssinía 

Equivalents• Etruscan- Vejovis, Roman- Aesculapius, Egyptian- Imhotep, Phoenician- Eshmun

Signs of them reaching out• seeing his symbol, seeing non-venomous snakes, having a sudden interest in medical care.

Vows/omans• marriage vows to his wife, to keep the secrets of medicine secret (all his priestesses took this vow as well)

Morals• Morally good and kind 

Courting�� Epione

Past lovers• Aristodama

Personality• Asclepius is said in mythos (illiad, etc) to be a kind god and gentle (seen in epithets), he seems to be more gentle to man-kind due to originally being human himself and then turned into a god. 

Home• mount Olympus 

Mortal or immortal • immortal (was originally a hero and when was killed by a lightning bolt, he was worshiped as a changed god or as a constellation)

Fact• He was originally called Hepius but received his popular name of Asclepius after he cured Ascles (ruler of Epidaurus who suffered a terminal infection in his eyes.), Asclepius is often regarded as Paean the other healing god.

Curses• dying under a physician’s care, taking a long time to heal, being very unhealthy. 

Blessings• healing fast, being healthy. 

Roots• Tricca (modern Trikala city in Thessaly Greece).

Friends• Artemis, Apollo, Ares. 

Parentage• Apollo and Coronis

Siblings• reference to Apollos children here as half-siblings 

Pet• the Aesculapian snake

Children• Hygieia (Goddess of health, cleanliness, and hygiene), Panacea (Universal remedy), Aceso (The healing process), Iaso (Recuperation from illness), Aegle (Radiant good health), Machaon (Famous physician), Podalirius (Famous physician)

Appearance in astral or gen• A broad man with curly hair and a full beard with a cloak covering one breast and waist down wearing sandals with a rod of one snake.

Festivals •Asklepia, Epidauria

Status• A hero changed into a god when he was hit by a lightning strike by Zeus but it was also said he was changed into a constellation by Zeus from Apollo begging his father to change his son into the constellation called "Ophiochus"

What angers them• insulting them and their family, being disrespectful, insulting doctors and medical professionals, hitting dogs, being unhygienic on purpose 

Music they like• I couldn’t find any devotional playlists but he would probably like those waiting room songs in the doctors office.

Remind me of• Apollo, cough medicine, being hurt, yellow, the sun, snake plushies from the zoo, white bedding, blue

Scents/Inscene • mrryth, franksense

Prayers• 

1. Healing- (Raise bread and wine/water) O Asklepios, son of noble Apollo,

hear our prayer, father of surgeons.

Released from a mortal womb by your noble father and imbued with the great healing knowledge of Kheiron, your skill in medicine across broad Earth and in the heavens is without equal, Glowing one. Ophiokhos, Serpent-Holder, healer of the gods,

Grace us with your gifts and send dreams

that restore and guide us and reveal the

mysteries of life and well-being. With your kind-hearted daughter Hygieia, heal those who are sick among us, our children, parents, spouses and partners and all those whom we hold dear [and especially the mortal known as __________]. Grant them a quick and uneventful recovery. Soothe their bodies and calm their spirits that they may enjoy a long and full life and return to honoring the gods. And we shall honor you with bloodless offerings and sing your praises at all our feasts. - Original prayer by Melissa Gold, inspired by Chris Aldridge

2. Healing- Kind Asklepios, son of far-shooting Apollo,

first of physicians, swiftest of healers, trusted

mender of broken men and women, through you do the lame walk, the sick renew their good health; through you are wounds healed, bones knit, and illness burnt away; by your goodness and might do we regain joy in our lives. Asklepios, friend of mankind, I pray to you, I seek your favor. May I be healed of this affliction, may I recover through and through, may vigor and vitality return to me. Asklepios, compassionate one, learned one, resourceful one, I ask your blessing. - https://greekpagan.com/2011/02/20/prayer-to-asklepios-for-healing/

2. Before surgery- Bright Asklepios, father of physicians, provider of health and healing to men, giver of wisdom and craft to those

who attend the ill and the injured:

Asklepios, as I entrust my life and my well-being to those who do your will, make steady the hands of the surgeon, make keen her eye and her wit, grant to her all knowledge and skill required for your work. Asklepios, friend of mankind, grant to me the strength and resilience to recover from all wounds and return to full good health. - https://greekpagan.com/category/prayers-2/asclepius/

Links/websites/sources •https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asclepius, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paean_(god), https://www.theoi.com/Ouranios/Asklepios.html, https://www.worldhistory.org/Asclepius/ https://www.hellenicgods.org/asclepius-the-epithets

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24370674/ https://www.tumblr.com/khaire-traveler https://www.tumblr.com/themodernwitchsguide, https://www.hellenion.org/festivals/asklepia/ https://www.hellenion.org/festivals/epidauria/https://www.hellenion.org/rituals-and-practices/prayer-to-asklepios-for-the-sick/ https://greekpagan.com/2011/02/20/prayer-to-asklepios-for-healing/ https://greekpagan.com/category/prayers-2/asclepius/

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Wolf/bunny shigdabi? WITH CANABALISM?! SIGN ME UP

EXCELLENT!!!

TW: Cannibalism, Attempted Suicide (Past), Forced (and Voluntary) Sex Work, Implied Forced Sex Work of a Minor (Past), Forced Sterilization (Past), Everything with Shigadabi is 100% consensual, but it's fucking weird!!!

Backstory:

This is building off of the CNC scene that I did for the kink ask.

This is a world like 101 Kinks: Mindbreak, no real animals, everyone is an animal hybrid that does not have the ability to shift into a full animal anymore. Predators run the world while pretending that Prey are their equals, but in actuality they often meet grim fates. There are farms where prey are raised to be meat, black markets, etc. Think Beastars and you've got the worldbuilding essentially nailed.

Rabbit hybrid!Dabi, Enji was a wolf, Rei was a snow hare, he ended up a rabbit omega and after trying to burn his dad alive for selling him to the Black Market at 12, he ended up badly burned and in a coma for a long time. He wasn't killed because only wolves have secondary sexes and while his burnt meat wouldn't have much value on the market, an omega that's a prey would fetch a pretty penny if they could get him recovered and working.

After Dabi woke up, he was sterilized and put to work, selling his heats to whoever would bother to pay for them when he was such an ugly thing to look at. He hated it, of course, but he fought off his heat early once, killed the client he was with, took his stuff, and ran as far and fast as he could.

He survived for several years trying to do other work, but eventually he found taking sex work again, but he was always scared and doing it in places where he had a higher chance of getting arrested because he didn't want to get devoured if he was completely alone.

Eventually a local Mistress found out about him and offered to take him in for a fee if he would work in her brothel. It was safer than what he was doing, so he took the job and he's been working and living there for three years.

Enter Shigaraki: He is a wolf, born to a family of prey, which he killed as a child when he first turned. He was taken in by All For One and raised to eventually be the kingpin of Japan. He eats farmed meat, he's eaten prey and other predators alive, but he knows his own power and isn't cruel for cruelty's sake. He went through his entitled phase, his adoptive father kicked him out and said he would lose everything if he didn't come back in a year having proved that he could build something for himself and not just leech off of his territory.

Shigaraki came back in six months, having taken over Kamino, and strategically using this separation to ensure that he wouldn't get caught in the crossfire when his teacher did eventually get arrested. Now he runs everything, and he has mellowed a lot.

But he still has needs and things he likes. And he really likes fucking prey, and specifically pretending to be the monster they already think he is while he's in bed with them. So when he gets the urge, he puts out feelers to find somewhere that offers that, and eventually finds Dabi, leading him to the CNC prompt fill

Relationship:

After their session, in which Dabi more than proves himself to be stunningly compatible with Shigaraki in bed, Tomura books him again for a conversation the next day. He talks to Dabi and finds out if he likes it at the brothel, and when Dabi seems receptive, he makes the offer to buy out his contract there so that he can come live in his penthouse and essentially become his sugar baby.

Dabi, after having the wildest fuck in his life with the strangest wolf on the goddamn planet, is kind of furious and horrified to hear that the Mistress has offered to sell his contract at all. Especially since she'd told him last night he would be expected to bring in twice the amount of clients before his next heat or he would be forced to sell that, which he hasn't done since he was forced to when he was with the handlers at the first place.

He still doesn't know if he wants to take up the offer from a guy he's known for a few hours, who might just want a quick snack, but then Shigaraki rattles off how much he's willing to pay, and Dabi figures that even if he only last a few months, it will be a few months in luxury. He agrees and goes home with Shigaraki that night.

Shigaraki gives Dabi his own room, he gives him his allowance, he starts to bring him little gifts and he treats him like a prized pet, but he notices after just a couple of days that Dabi insists on cash, seems confused at the thought of making a wish list online so that Tomura can get him presents when he's being well-behaved, and over the course of the first week, comes to understand that Dabi has no ID, no bank account, and has never been allowed to use a phone or a computer. He barely remembers using a television from when he was a child.

Tomura wants Dabi here of his own free will, that's part of the thrill for him. He wants someone who will choose to stay with him, not force them to. Which means that he sets up Dabi with the things he needs so that he could live a life outside of him if he wants to.

Dabi, for his part, is extremely confused, especially because Shigaraki hasn't fucked him again since he bought him. But when he asks about it, the wolf lays out what he wants very clearly, tells Dabi he always has the option of saying 'no' and that if he doesn't use that when he needs to, then this contract will end immediately, because if Dabi can't say 'no' appropriately, then Tomura can't trust him when he says 'yes' either.

Dabi starts to act as Tomura's sugar baby properly, getting dressed up to hang off his arm at events, being a pretty decoration around the apartment, a warm body in his bed, and he... likes it. He's just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Cannibalism:

It comes in the form of Shigaraki asking him if he'll participate in another CNC scene that he wants to do. He wants them to have dinner together, and he must be able to smell how scared that makes Dabi, because he quickly tells him that he has no intentions of eating him. But he does want to have meat during the meal. Meat from a farm. He wants to feed a bite of it to Dabi before they finish their meal and move onto other activities.

Dabi says 'no' immediately, and Tomura doesn't push. He shifts gears to a different kind of play they could do and reassures Dabi that he's not mad, or upset with him, he's happy that he can set his limits.

But Dabi stews in it for days and days no matter how sweet and reassuring Tomura is, and he eventually goes back to him and says he'll try it, but if he can't manage it-- 'We'll stop, little bun. You just have to say the word.'

Dabi does almost vomit when Shigaraki offers him the neat cube of butchered flesh. He tells him it's venison, Dabi forces himself to take the offered bite. He's never had meat before. He doesn't know if it's supposed to taste like this, but he doesn't think so. He's a rabbit. He's pretty sure it's supposed to taste bad, but maybe the more familiar taste of the mushroom sauce it was served in is dulling the flavor.

He doesn't throw up, and he's able to be in the headspace that Shigaraki wants for the night, and by the next morning he's cuddled up in bed, being doted on with extra care and sweetness from the other man.

Tomura is thrilled to have gotten his little rabbit to have his first foray with meat. There's something intoxicating about bringing a prey down to his level and he is excited to do it again.

This becomes part of their play. Once a week they have a 'dinner date' and Tomura feeds Dabi a different cut of meat. Dabi keeps expecting to be disgusted at some point, his mind screams at him to be disgusted, but there's enough wolf in him to not make him get sick as it happens.

It escalates to the point that Tomura has him try rabbit. Dabi eats it. It's the best cut that Tomura had fed him so far, and it excites his body so much he goes into heat almost as soon as he finishes his plate.

Eventually, their next dinner date comes, and there's nothing on the table but a scalpel, bottle of antiseptic, a syringe of some strange medicine, and gauze. Tomura brings Dabi over to the table. He says that tonight's meal will just be one bite for them both. It will be the most divine thing that Dabi has ever tasted. Dabi isn't stupid, he knows what's about to happen before he's stepped up and laid down on the table. Tomura praises him, tells him that he'll be alright. That this will be good.

He lets Dabi pick where to have it, and then he cleans the area on his thigh, and gives him a kiss on his forehead, then he holds his leg against the table and picks up the scalpel. It hurts, but no pain can match what it felt like to burn, so he holds on as his lover cuts out two pretty, bloody cubes of his flesh and muscle.

Tomura offers him the piece first, and Dabi picks up the second and brings it to his lips at the same time. They both indulge in that single bite of his warm flesh and Dabi is dizzy, though he's not sure if that's from the endorphins or the blood loss. When they're done with that bite, Tomura injects the wound with the medicine, and it goes numb and starts to clot immediately. He is careful, wrapping it in a very deliberate manner as Dabi keeps trying to distract him because he wants that careful attention elsewhere on his body after something so intense, but Tomura won't give him what he wants until after he's all patched up.

Two days later, Tomura lets him see the bandages off, and all that's left are the still-fading scars from the incisions.

Tomura still says too much of that medicine can be dangerous, so they can't do that very often. Once a year is really pushing it to be honest, but that's fine by Dabi. That can be a special occasion thing.

They don't use the medicine at all during their next shared cycle and Dabi leans up and takes a chunk out of Tomura's neck when he gives him his mating bite, and his mate does the same for him. They know their own teeth, they know the give of each other's flesh, and they're too hungry for each other to ever slip and risk not having the other with them for the rest of their lives. 

[sammy-sexy-masochist]

You remember that extreme fantasy that’s been living in my head, the one I couldn’t stop thinking about? The sewing?

We finally did it. We actually fucking did it.

I wasn’t restrained, not for a second. Everything that happened was completely voluntary, which tells you just how deep my fucked-up cravings go. I held my legs spread wide, forcing them open as my body screamed to close them.

So, I’m spread wide, knowing that in a few seconds, the pain I’ve been craving for weeks is about to be real. Nellie prepares everything like a pro — disinfected gloves, sterile tools, the curved needle, the forceps. She's sadistic as fuck, but she’s also meticulous about making sure every bit of pain is clean. Just for the hell of it, I check my pulse - 122 bpm.

Then I feel it. Piercing through my pussy lips, slicing the tender flesh, over and over. My entire body tensing as Nellie threads the needle in and out.

Six piercings on each side. 24 small but brutal holes.

The pain makes me squirm. I try to keep it together, but it’s too much. A few screams break free uncontrollably as my pussy is sewn shut. My inner lips and clit are tucked away, completely sealed under those tight threads, but my hole is left exposed for what might come next.

Then she sprays my freshly stitched lips with alcohol-based disinfectant to make sure everything is sterilized, no matter how much it makes me wince.

We did it. I finally felt it.

Thank you, @genderfreelife 💙

The fantasy I wrote about in my post — it's real now, and I fucking loved that pure, voluntary agony.

Guess it’s time to move “needle/medical play” from the "really wanna try" list to the "into" section in my pinned post. No way this one’s going under limits — I fucking loved it.

[fierceawakening]

I’m just kind of fascinated, as I often am, at how “I kind of think if the planet were less crowded with humans (including less white people, I am not a Nazi) ecosystems humans threaten could flourish better, which would probably make the humans healthier and less anxious too”

Somehow became “you just don’t understand urban planning” and “apartments can be spacious.”

Those are… those are true! But they’re not the problem I’m discussing.

(Also like… there are ongoing attempts to revitalize and better urban plan my city, initiatives celebrated as making better gathering spaces, so far, are empty because no one wants to go there.)

That”s why I’m thinking we need something that better integrates nature and people.

Giant solarpunk towers will green things growing on them will be part of this, but I am unconvinced they’ll be all of it.

The problem as I see it is that humans thriving so much without predators keeping us in check has led to ecological imbalances. Which we then make exponentially worse by burning dead dinosaur.

Stopping with the dead dinosaur burning will help, but I am not convinced ecological harmony will be restored even then.

Which is why my response to “the planet can support billions but not billionaires” is “let’s reexamine this once there are no billionaires, just to double check. We’re probably still going to want to make voluntary sterilization much more accessible than currently, it seems to me.”

[inked-succubus]

With how scary things are right now, I want to remind everyone that r/childfree has a list of doctors who are more willing to perform voluntary sterilization.

Stay safe and take care of yourself ❤️

[brumeraven]

🪔: || author bio, abstracted, vexed, devils, dolls, transformations, dehumanization, self-abandonment, psychopomps

I don't remember his name, that Devil, the man who sold the world a palliative dose of opium. I don't think any who do are in a state to speak on it any longer. It isn't as if it can be called his fault anyways. It wasn't murder; just an assisted suicide, a voluntary euthanasia of the suffering.

They'd killed the whole world. And for what? So they could be miserable. No one much saw the point in carrying on after that.

Death would have been cleaner, braver, but then it was cowardice and filth that had gotten them into the situation in the first place; no surprise it would get them out.

Humanity loved nothing more than a quick and dirty fix, one with no costs but negative externalities, so it was a surprise to no one they bought what that silver-tongued man had been selling.

Abstraction.

A sterile word for a process that was anything but.

Doll-making had been known for centuries, of course, a once-creative art form now ritualistic and formalized. Start with a person, then cut and cut and cut away until all that remains is an empty vessel, hollow it out with Flame and burn away everything that had made it a living, breathing thing.

But this was different. Abstraction was, assurances were offered, the sort of contrapositive of doll-making. Take doubt, fear, anxiety, despair, all the thoughts of if's and then's that a doll is never afforded to feel, and abscise them.

One clean cut and all of your worries could be gone.

Abstraction offered them a chance we were never given: All of the humanity and none of the overthinking; all of the benefits of dollhood while still remaining human.

Or near enough.

They all chose it, every last one of them. And it worked; the Abstracted run the world now, or what's left of it.

The only problem was all the toxic waste. All of that bale had to be disposed of somehow.

If it couldn't be burned away by Flame, all of it had to go somewhere. And so they just locked it all away in those same empty vessels that once might have become dolls.

After all, they wouldn't complain.

And so, they made dolls that never forgot how to say "I".

They made the Vexed.

They made me.

That, I suppose, explains everything and nothing.

After all, what am I, if not everything you wish you never had to feel again? Everything you'd cut away and make someone else's problem. Everything that belongs in neither a doll nor a person

~🪔 (with some assistance from 🍂)

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 4 Eps 10 & 11

Howdy! I had a request for 11, but since I've already done 9 (and didn't want 10 hanging out by its lonesome), I thought I'd pair them together.

SPOILER ALERT: If you're new here, please know that spoilers are part of the gig. Yes, it's an unpaid, voluntary, unsanctioned gig... but I take it seriously (well, seriously enough). So, there'll be spoilers of these episodes and all the episodes before. But I try to keep my foreknowledge out of these.

If you're ready (and I know I'm ready), it's time to dive in!

"Heart Beat" AKA Kojo Sniffs a Bitch

Peroxide Princess at Tim's

I can't tell you how hard I rolled my eyes when I saw her in his house in the first place. Like, okay, I get that they're adults, yada, yada... but the immature teenager in me wanted to throw bleach at the screen to try to sterilize Tim's house remotely of her gritty, sandy presence.

Like, I need to find a can of some cleaner that'll erase her... like a "Bitch BeGone" in a spray bottle.

Tim's making breakfast, and she feels like she has to remind him she doesn't like it. But, Tim's pretty good at taking note of those details. And it's not for you, Beach Bitch. It's for Kojo! The bestest puppers in the world.

And Kojo. doesn't. like. Bitch Barbie. at. all.

Good instincts, Kojo! Good boy!

"How long have you had him?" "Uh, a year. He was Lucy's but she couldn't keep him."

Because Daddy and Mommy have to deal with joint custody for a while. You, Side Piece, can see yourself out the door any time. All you'll ever be is a footnote at the bottom of one page of the book of Chenford's love.

Yes, I'm in a salty mood. But at least my ire's directed at a fictional character, right?

"So, how's it going with Ashley?" "Good. Although there was some weirdness this morning."

You mean the fact that you're dating her instead of Lucy? Yeah, we spotted that weirdness, too.

But aside from that, I want to mention the awesomeness that is Season 4 Tim talking "personal life" with Lucy in the Shop without hesitation. He's so comfortable with her, now, that this particular rule no longer exists.

Plus, if he's talking to Lucy about his placeholder girlfriend, he can further distance himself from any feelings for Lucy.

"I don't think she likes Kojo." "So you broke up with her? That's, that's too bad."

Boom!! Lucy knows how it should be. Now, all you've gotta do it dismiss Not-Lucy and get on the right track, Tim. Kojo's trying to guide you to the right path. Listen to the pup!

"I liked her." "Since when? Last time we talked about her you gave me grief because she's a lifeguard."

This from "He's a fireman" Tim Bradford!? REALLY!? And suddenly getting "rigorous training" at the Fire Academy is good enough for you? Wow, you really like to make excuses for this girl to justify why you're dating *checks notes* a lifeguard.

Also, not used to Lucy giving Tim grief. Like, I thought that was an interesting line the first time I heard it, because Lucy's usually a very open person. Unless there's some sub-conscious jealousy afoot. Hmmm.

"But you know what, it is a moot point because she does not like Kojo. First of his name. King of canines. Destroyer of chew toys. So, clearly, Ashley has got to go."

Lucy "the right one" Chen, everyone! Speaking for every member of the Chenford fandom in that moment.

The Temporary Inconvenience Calls the Wife for Help

Lucy's surprise at hearing Ashley's voice is evident, and I'd be wondering what hoops she went through to get that number, m'self. Sure, you can meet at a party anytime, but folks don't just give out phone numbers willy nilly. So, who gave it to her?

And I'm going to skip most of this conversation because we all know Plot Device isn't gonna last.

"Kojo is just like... well, I mean, he's kind of just like Tim."

I'm sorry. I have to pause and get into the psychology of this a little. Because Lucy. Picked. A. Dog. Like. Tim.

Like, she picked out someone she wanted to live with her, to be a part of her daily life, to possibly cuddle in bed with her... who reminds her of Tim.

Lucy, you're a psych major. You can figure this out!

"He's big, gruff, a whole lot of bark, but you know, underneath all of it, he's a, he's a sweetheart."

Lucy is allowing herself to think about Tim in all his facets, and as she does, she can't help but fall into the best parts of him. And as soon as she utters that last line, her brow furrows and she physically turns away from him.

Why? Perhaps because thinking of his softer side felt safe. But as soon as her mind started moving, it went places she (and he) avoid in Season 4.

One. Damn. Spark. in episode 1 and the two of them are running scared.

"You know, you should tell Tim how you feel."

So should you, Lucy Chen.

Lucy Meets Chris the CrabApple

Moment one and I want to put a hot stake through his heart and call it a night.

Like, we can stake him, right? That's okay because it's fictional and he technically won't feel it?

I mean, I've heard there were people who didn't absolutely hate Chris at the first moment. Like, I never hated Rachel. I liked her. I just didn't want her for Tim forever. He needed that transitional girl.

But Ashley and Chris just get under my skin in the worst way.

Some people might argue that Lucy and Tim "started at odds", but that was different. Tim was Lucy's training officer and took a hard-nosed approach. Chris is just an asshole.

James and Wesley Go Out

Look, I know this is a Chenford Meta, but I have to call it out because I love it. I love watching these characters slowly become a family.

"Why is my girlfriend calling you?"

"Because I'm dating her to get away from you. She's not supposed to close the loop!"

Like, seriously, the boy is delusional right now.

"And you're so concerned about my love life because..." "Because I don't wanna drive around on patrol with you while you are moping about screwing this up."

Lucy is being a good friend. She thinks that Tim isn't interested in her (because, obviously he wouldn't be dating someone else if he was, right? Oy, these two are idiots).

"Look, if you like this girl, you should listen to her."

But if he really liked this girl, it wouldn't take Lucy stepping in to help.

Think about it—she helped Tim with Rachel with the birthday present. She's helping Tim with Ashley with Kojo. Tim so would be dumped lickity split without Lucy's help.

Take the hint, Timmy.

"When have I ever moped? I don't even know how." "Mmhmm."

Why do we spell "moped" and "moped" the same way? Like, "he moped while riding his moped" is a real sentence. English is a dumb language.

Also, fans of 5x10 (and many other episodes) note that Tim does this eyeroll quite a bit and usually in relation to Lucy... good or bad.

"End Game" AKA A Safe Home

"... the clown from the DA's office..."

Yes, Tamara. Yes. Speak truth, little sister. That clown doesn't need to be anywhere near our girl Lucy.

"Tyler's lucky he has you looking out for him. I knew I was."

That's what Lucy does. That's who Lucy is. For all the times her family didn't look out for her, she's going to look out for others times a million.

"Everything okay?"

I love how he looks from Lucy to Chris, like, "Do you need me?" And when she shows she's fine, he hangs back and lets her do her thing. He knows Lucy can defend herself. But he's not going far in case she needs to tap him in.

"Can you believe the nerve of that guy, calling me dramatic?"

Tim tries to look like he has no idea what she's talking about... but c'mon. He knows his girl. And she does have a flare for the dramatic... especially when she's been up all night and is dosing caffeine like a drug.

"Um, do not start."

Married. They talk to each other like they're a couple all the time in Season 4, and they don't even realize it. They've spent so much time filing away that moment between them in his house that they've convinced themselves they're immune to it... the pull that's drawing them nearer one another.

"Exactly how many cups of coffee did you have this morning?" "I'm just going to apologize to you right now." *Tim eyeroll* "Um, it's gonna be a really long day for you, and, and I'm sorry."

Hey! The eye roll of "I don't know how to mope" is back already! But, seriously, Tim, when y'all eventually get your act together, you might want to invest in decaf.

"Alright, how do you want to handle this?"

He's letting her take the lead, and I love that. Tim knows how to do this, of course, but he understands the bond between Lucy and Tamara is strong.

It'd be easy for Tim to give instructions, even though he's no longer her TO. He doesn't even giver her an anecdote or experience—because he trusts Lucy.

"I know what to do as a cop, and I know how to do it as a roommate, but, you know, those are different approaches." "Just be a friend. And if you need a cop, tag me in." "Thank you."

I love her little head tilt to him. There's something so comfortable about it, so relaxed, so lived-in. It's so far beyond Sergeant/Officer relationships.

And, even in a moment of kindness, Tim's brain slips into a sports reference. I know I keep saying it, but someday you'll come to appreciate those, Lucy.

Plus, in a shallow moment, can I appreciate Tim being in her apartment, again? It's truly the little things.

"And if you were desperate enough, there was always Swiping."

The silent communication on this is beautiful. Tim furrows his brow and cocks his head. Lucy looks back to Tim, and he barely had to shake her head before they both know... they don't know.

And watch Tim in the background as he processes what it is. I've said it before, but Eric Winter is Tim Bradford when the camera is rolling, even when he's out of focus.

"You okay?"

He's getting so good at reading her. I mean, he clocked this one in seconds. And we all know how important it is for him to know that she's okay.

There was a time he'd bark at her to try to get her to focus up, but we’re so far past that.

"As close as we are, there's a lot she won't talk about." "Look, don't' take it personally. She might just have a hard time opening up to you."

Like her future adoptive dad, right Tim? Seriously, I have always seen a lot in common between the two, even though they are completely unique individuals.

But, I do think Tim's life experiences will help him be a better Dad to Tamara someday... if Chenford get their act together, of course.

"But I'm sure Tamara will share when she's ready to."

Ah, Tim Bradford, how I love you finishing sentences with prepositions. And I don't mean this in jest! It was drilled into my head in grade school to remove that happenstance from my work, right?

But if you're writing scripts... people don't speak in perfect English all the time unless that's the world you've created. If you're aiming to tell a story in our world with characters that ring true, their dialogue can't be perfect or it starts to come off as unbelievable.

Yes, I know there are writers like Sorkin and others who have their own dialogue style entirely, but I would argue that's creating a world separate from ours where everyone speaks in a certain manner.

So, I get a special warm-and-fuzzy feeling with the dialogue, especially Tim's, sometimes. He's so bloody real.

"Hey. How are you holding up?" "It's just a lot. Being back here."

Lucy knows psychology, but she also knows trauma, and poor Tamara had a lot. Yes, they are roommates, but they are so much more than that.

Lucy is the first adult Tamara trusted. The first one to really fulfill their promises. The first to give her a truly safe space.

We know Lucy had this place before Jackson moved in, so she could make the rent on her own. Taking on a roommate was more for Jackson than it was for her.

So, after his death, she likely took it all back on herself and didn't charge Tamara a thing to live there. Lucy really has taken on a motherly role with Tamara—giving her space to grow and heal.

And, oh, who knows more about that than Lucy Chen? With Tamara, Lucy has created an environment she wishes she'd had growing up—one filled with love and acceptance.

But that doesn't mean she won't check in. Good moms do, right?

"Are you okay here?" "Yeah. Yeah. I'm good." "Okay. Alright."

Melissa O'Neil nails the "mom tone" of not-quite-believing-you-but-letting-you-go-because-she-doesn't-have-enough-info-to-hold-you-back

"Hey. Are you okay?" "No."

Tamara hugs her mom—melting into her because it's too fucking much. And Lucy Chen is there to hold her adoptive daughter, to give her the support she needs, to never crowd, but always make herself available.

Whenever she gives Tamara a sibling, that's gonna be the cutest family ever, right!?

Chris is Full Squick

I've heard there were people who really liked him for her at some point. And more power to them. But, for me, he reminds me of some of my mom's exes and it's not a good comparison.

Like, there were guys who'd buddy up to us because they wanted to sleep with my Mom. That's what this whole scenario feels like, because I didn't see any real change indicated in Chris that makes this choice make sense.

It feels like Tim's helping this kid hoping to win favor with Lucy in a manipulative manner. And I could be reading way too much into it. But this scene made me mad uncomfortable the first time I watched it.

"Thank you." "For?" "Everything. For all your help. For this bed. For getting justice for Becca." "You did that." "And thanks for helping me leave it all behind. Because if it weren't for you, I probably would have ended up like Becca eventually."

"There but for the grace of God go I." I've thought this so often in my life—that if not for the kindness of others, we would have lost everything.

My husband was laid off the same day I had the preparatory internal ultrasound for our fourth IUI. We've been trying to get pregnant for several years with no success, but the doctors were optimistic.

We literally had 12 hours to decide if we were going through with the insemination, because I had to give myself an ovidrel shot that night. We talked about it, prayed on it, and went for it.

Twins. Twin baby boys who were the greatest gifts after years of heartache. But how could we provide for them on my income alone?

We worked through it during my maternity leave. Matthew's parents had sponsored him to return to school to get his teaching license. He was a few months away from graduation, and I was prepped to go back to work. We had a plan.

Until I almost died when the twins were 9 weeks old. A life-saving surgery and weeks of recovery later, we had twins on specialized formula we couldn't afford because I could no longer breastfeed.

My father took us in. I paid mortgage on an empty house for 10 months while we turned off the utilities so we could afford the boys' formula. So many people stepped in to help us, to give to get preemie clothes for the boys, to help with the medical bills.

The NICU completely forgave the $45,000 facility bill, leaving us only with the $77,000 doctors' bill, which was mostly covered by insurance. It took us 2 years to pay off our portion on monthly plans for my sweet Middle's 12-day stay.

But... imagine all that without my father, without our friends, without the doctor who saved my life, without the local twin organization that donated formula and toys to the kids, without the pediatricians' office that donated formula to us, without the stranger who saw us walking and handed me $50 when I couldn't afford groceries...

I've seen the other side. I've heard stories of people who tragically lacked the support we had. There but for the grace of God go I.

Tamara's situation is completely different, of course... except that someone who owed her nothing came alongside her to give the support only she could give.

Lucy saw a "girl in trouble" and became her lifeline. She became her family. She became her home.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore. You're safe."

"Safe". Lucy and Tamara's whole relationship began because Tamara stole Lucy's safe place—her car. But as soon as Lucy saw someone needed "safe" more, she parted with her safe space.

Now, "safe" is a warm bed and a door that locks, and someone who cares about her. That's what Lucy wanted for Tamara from the very beginning, right?

She wanted this girl who had struggled not because of her own actions, but because of her parents' choices... to be safe.

"But at some point, you might wanna talk to someone before it sneaks up on you."

Lucy knows a lot about trauma, and Tamara knows it. I think that's part of what makes Lucy's statement here so powerful. It's not hollow, filled with the thoughts of someone who thinks they know better. Lucy is the voice of experience, here.

And she's trying to pass the wisdom down to her daughter without Tamara having to go through the pain Lucy did to learn it. Isn't that what we all try to do as parents?

We try to guide our kids to not make our same mistakes, but also give them the knowledge and wisdom we gained when we did.

Feeling a little sentimental on this one. Those of you who've been around know that while I thought Chenford was "cute" at first glance, I wasn't really hooked from moment one. But I was hooked on Tamara and Lucy's relationship.

I was so badly bullied in school. So lonely. So once I was a Senior, I found Sophomores to adopt. They were my girls, and nobody better mess with them, because I was a Senior, and I finally had some power. I was determined to use it for good.

I've stayed in touch with all three. One's married with three beautiful boys. One is married with two sweet, super smart kids. And the other is engaged to the love of her life, and gearing up to be a kickass stepmom. They've gone completely different directions in their careers and lives, and I'm so damn proud. They've all made their way.

Some of the greatest things we can give others are our time and attention—our compassion and empathy.

Watching Lucy give this girl the home she wishes she'd had, the security and safety to knows Tamara lacked, and the Found Family that often sticks closer than blood... it struck a nerve. A good one.

Thank you so much for reading this little Meta, and to the folks who requested 4x11. Can't wait to see you on the next!

[christmasintheloonybin]

I don't know why people would have children if they aren't going to take care of them and set them up for success. and don't give me that whatever of course sometimes you have no choice. but I had a situation once where there was a possibility that I had impregnated a woman, which of course turned out to not be the case, and I was fucking tweaking for like two weeks, BUT, I decided okay if this is my fate then it is what it is, I'll marry her and learn some kind of trade and raise the kid. I don't like abortion at all, I mean for other people I don't care, I've said this before there are a lot of walking talking clumps of cells that should be aborted. but for me no way. I think that if abortion can act at least in a small way as a form of eugenics, it's good. I would prefer voluntary sterilization, but that's probably not going to happen so it's the best we've got.

I think if you have a good nature then having a kid can be very positive, because it forces you to get your life together, but if you don't care about anything, as many people seem to not care about anything, not even themselves they just kind of exist, it's negative not just for you, not just for the kid, but for all of society. so many people are raised badly, not just neglectfully, it's almost as if people want their children to turn out badly.

[lilithism1848]

Atrocities US committed against WOMEN

In 2022, the US supreme court overturned Roe V Wade, ending a constitutional guarantee to the right to have an abortion, in place for over 50 years. In response, 26 US states are expected to ban abortion in their state. Women who become pregnant in red states, will now have to drive an increased average of over 200 miles to an abortion clinic. Protests erupted in hundreds of US cities, decrying the decision.

US police officers routinely commit sexual assault and rapes: most go unreported, but over 1200 incidents, including over 400 rapes were committed over a 9 year period from 2005-2013.

In the period following WWII, the US capitalist-controlled media, advertising, and consumer products industries propagandized and glorified the ideal of the housewife-consumer, in order to sell products, make labor space for returning soldiers, take advantage of women’s unpaid labor in the home, and to help build a new workforce and potential army to combat the soviet union. This sparked an era of regression with respect to the feminist victories of the previous 50 years, and caused psychological damage and demoralization to an uncountable number of women. Women who remained in the labor force were primarily only allowed in subordinate positions such as secretaries, cleaning women, elementary school teachers, saleswomen, waitresses, and nurses. This is chronicled in the Feminine Mystique.

In September 2020, it was revealed that ICE had performed mass hysterectomies on immigrant women in several detention centers, reminiscent of the long-standing US policy of sterilization of black and brown women.

From the 1880s onward, many US states (27 + Puerto Rico in 1956) operated a system of forced sterilization of women, rooted in white supremacy. The principle targets were the mentally ill, Native Americans, and blacks. For example, in Sunflower County Mississippi, 60% of black women living there were sterilized without their permission. An estimated 3,406 Indian women were sterilized. California eugenicists in 1933 began sending their literature overseas to german scientists and medical workers, sparking the beginnings of Nazi Eugenics. In the end, over 65,000 individuals were sterilized in 33 states, in all likelihood without the perspectives of ethnic minorities. The US enacted a system of forced sterilization in Puerto Rico since its takeover by the US in 1989: a 1965 survey of of Puerto Rican residents found that about one-third of all Puerto Rican mothers, ages 20-49, were sterilized. 148 female prisoners in two California institutions were sterilized between 2006 and 2010 in a supposedly voluntary program, but it was determined that the prisoners did not give consent to the procedures. In Madrigal vs. Quilligan, many unsuspecting women were coerced to sign paperwork to perform sterilization, while others were told that the process could be reversed. None of the women were fluent in English. 10 latina women were sterilized, and the doctor was found innocent.

US elites in the 18th and 19th centuries pushed a narrative of domestic purity, or the cult of true womanhood, for women as a way of pacifying her with a doctrine of “separate but equal”-giving her work equally as important as the man’s, but separate and different. Inside that “equality” there was the fact that the woman did not choose her mate, and once her marriage took place, her life was determined. One girl wrote in 1791: “The die is about to be cast which will probably determine the future happiness or misery of my life…. I have always anticipated the event with a degree of solemnity almost equal to that which will terminate my present existence.” Marriage enchained, and children doubled the chains. One woman, writing in 1813: “The idea of soon giving birth to my third child and the consequent duties I shall he called to discharge distresses me so I feel as if I should sink.”

In 2019, it was discovered that US Border patrol had been protecting rapes and abuse of its own members since the 1990s. In one instance, a trainee was forced to give oral sex to 5 officers, and then raped while she was unconcious. At least 35 instances of rape by officers was found.

In May, 2019, Alabama lawmakers banned abortion in the state, providing no exceptions for victims of rape or incest. Those caught performing abortions will face up to 99 years in prison. The bill is part of a larger effort to overturn Roe vs Wade, a long-standing supreme court decision affirming a woman’s right to choose. Alabaman women seeking abortions are now forced to travel across state lines, and hide everything about the procedure from friends and family, in order to avoid legal repercussions from their home state. The American Civil Liberties Union has filed a federal suit against the state.

On November 25, 2017, Yang Song died after falling from a 4th floor balcony during a targeted police raid. Her personal messages revealed that in 2016, she was raped at gunpoint by an undercover police officer, and was subsequently harrassed, threatened with deportation, and then likely murdered by the NYPD.

In the 1830s, The Lowell Mill Girls were female workers who came to work in industrial factories in Lowell, Massachusetts, during the Industrial Revolution, and who despite living in cramped boarding houses and working from 5am-7pm every day, developed a culture of defiance against the factory owners, and created reform associations, and began strikes in 1834 and 1836.