#very pleased my mom doesn't want it anymore lol

[supercantaloupe]

researching for like forty minutes online for a new carryon/underseat bag for air travel trying to find one that isn't too pricey but also isn't a piece of junk and will carry what i need but also fit on a plane. text my mom for recommendations. she says "oh i have a bag at home i don't use anymore you can have it." win

[really-burnt-toast]

Redesigning my COTL cast pt.1

HAHA I'm finally done! I only made busts tho bc Im lazy and Im not putting myself through drawing a size chart... YET.

It WILL come, just so I can show pretty outfits and show how ridiculous Leshy's hight is LOL

If you see any spelling mistakes, please ignore them <3

(more info and rambling under cut)

Here I'll write some more things relating to each character;

Lamb

Born in Darkwood to a single mother, their mom had named them Mellia after the flowers that grow there, since they had aided in striving off an illness she had during the pregnancy.

The Lamb grew up pretty happily despite being on the run. Their mother was eventually caught whilst they made an escape. During their years of hiding, they broke their leg during one particularly risky escape and were caught not long after.

Their number is 1.600.666 because I keep making a connection between Darkwood and Germany's Schwartzwald - there are 1.6 million sheep in Germany - so I decided to have that be the approximate number. 666 was just added for fun.

Their ear was tagged to keep track of how many sheep were caught in which realm. They just so happened to be the last to be executed. By mere coincidence.

They were born without horns and kinda made the crown shape into a set. It has the benefit that they can rip em off and use them as impromptu weapons.

Due to centuries of being treated as a tool for a prophecy and merely a vessel, their self esteem is downright horrid. Whilst they don't condone followers speaking ill of them, they pretty much let Narinder trample on their feelings up until they had snapped one day. In the end it did help them both, but it wasn't great it had to be taken to that point.

Extra: I added the vitiligo because when I imagine a human version, I couldn't help but see them as having Vitiligo. Their leg limp was made after I thought it would make them look more imposing seeing someone "weak" suddenly pull out a giant hammer.

Narinder

Found within a burning village under rubble, clutching a crown as war raged around them. He was found by Shamura and taken in.

He was the first to create resurrection and back then it was an EXTREMELY taxing ritual. It would require his own godly flesh to beckon people back to life - thus it would literally cause his skin and flesh to melt off his bones. Now that's not needed anymore but his body is still weak to it, meaning during certain stress factors, he can still become skeletal. He doesn't have scarring from it, but gained some cool markings.

He was bound by his arms, torso and neck - all of which are scarred. In the afterlife he was perpetually sitting, causing him to be paralyzed from the waist down. Once he was usurped he had to regain his ability to walk and was taken care of by the Lamb.

He was in a catatonic state for many years and it only got better gradually with many setbacks. For years he never left the bed and by the time his Siblings had been rescued, he had barely started going outside. He was also suffering from chronic pains which wasn't really helpful.

He's also very... Temperamental. It took him just as long to say anything nice to the Lamb and it took him extra long to see them as more than his vessel.

Extra: I changed his markings to be more like I had imagined them. The catatonic trait and chronic pain was added after the update and I remember how horrible it was having tendonitis and I wanted to channel my distaste into Narinder.

Shamura

Found and raised by the last gods, they weren't the greatest sibling. They may have taken in the others but it took them a long time to be anything other than cold. With Kallamar, Shamura was distant and strict - then with Narinder they attempted to be less harsh after the kid started crying himself to sleep. With Heket and Leshy they got less and less cold. They tried their best, they'd argue.

They got carried away by their feelings as they had feared at the start and that's when the first prophecy came to them. They had kept it hidden for way too long until the balance of the crown's powers were ripping at the seams due to Narinder's pursuit in power - and they made a decision. They had told Kallamar first. Then Heket and Leshy were brought in.

Stuff happened. Now they are barely coherent and at most have an hour or two at a time where they seem to make sense. Leshy stays with them the most. Kallamar takes care of them. Heket takes care of the rest. Their skull is caved in, they lost an eye and limbs - some of the damages can't be hidden by bandages.

There's also this thing that their crown keeps getting out of control whilst trying to keep their mind stable - sometimes they'll get startled - attempt to form a weapon and instead end up with their arm speared through. They have scarring all over their body from it.

Upon recruitment they are pretty overwhelmed. Their crown can't stop them from breaking anymore and they have gotten so used to godhood that mortality now feels like they are literally rotting alive. They can feel their body wasting away.

Only after getting their relic back do they start becoming more independent and stable. They nowadays go through some sort of rehab to try and regain their sense of self.

Extra: Not much was added. I wanted to give them Glasses but I can't for the life of me draw them with a pair... So Ill just say they have them but not show them LOL

Kallamar

His past is basically forgotten. It sorta slipped away since he hadn't deemed it fit to be remembered. At first he had MANY fights with Shamura, then it ceased after a confrontation turned violent which left him with a bad scar.

He had to take care of his younger siblings whilst coming to terms with godhood - filling in whenever Shamura wasn't physically or mostly emotionally unavailable. For a long time he was the only one that could comfort his ailing siblings. Dealing with that sort of made him pretty easily agitated.

When Shamura proposed the plan, he had been hesitant - but ultimately didn't say anything.

Now he takes care of his siblings medically. He hates himself more than he hates anyone else and as much as he is quick to condemn and betray Shamura - he is also quick to condemn himself. Though maybe not as enthusiastically or openly.

He likes to compensate. Giving gifts to request forgiveness - grand displays of favoritism or mainly decking himself and his multiple spouses out with Jewels. He still keeps his wedding rings around his neck and his earring references his siblings.

Funnily enough, he caused the least troubles to the Lamb. They could argue he even seemed relieved after a short while of staying in the cult.

Extra: Added Jewelry and two tentacles because he looked naked without them.

Heket

Loudmouth frog that when found with her crown, she started trying to fight Shamura - insulting whatever parent they had. She kept threatening to poison them too.

In the lineup of her siblings, she was often the one who took the sidelines. If she was happy, she was left alone. If she was displeased, she'd let herself known. The most uncomplicated of the siblings.

You'd almost miss how every other bishop would seek her out when help was needed. While Shamura helped with godhood and Kallamar with emotional needs - Heket was a good person to pester with anything else. She'd handle it - just let big sis do it. Even if she was the second youngest - it's funny how even Kallamar and Narinder would occasionally use the nickname.

Then when everyone else was dealing with their wounds, she picked up the pace and kept their respective cults from falling apart. She handled Silk cradle until Shamura could - helped with Darkwood and took over Anchordeep when Kallamar was tending to the others. No problem.

She was still loud when entering the cult. Not as much as her brother - but she loved to cause scenes. Her muteness didn't seem to hinder her at all with that. She's not allowed near knives but somehow can handle axes?

Her temper problems don't get better. She just stops being an asshole about it.

She prefers having scarfs covering her neck bandages whilst they're all bloody and disgusting.

Extra: Nothing because Heket is already perfect.

Leshy

Literally a weird insect that kept clinging to the crown until it grew big enough to hold in one hand. It bit anything that got close and by the time Shamura found it - he had started eating small critters.

And god, he kept growing and growing until he wasn't a small worm in Shamura's hand but literally too big to fit through most doors. They suspected he'd grow until the end of time. Or well, now since his crown is gone.

He never listens. He screams for fun and overshares the worst details to the point he manages to break his siblings into just accepting anything he talks about. They can't even scold him or punish him since Leshy always finds a way to make things worse for anyone else but himself.

He also copies everyone. First it was Heket's tone. Then it was Narinder's behavior - now he started growing flowers and vine braids to make fun of Kallamar and his antlers were at first a crude mimic of Shamura's pedipalps and now they grow vines to be similar to the jewels hanging from them. He refuses to acknowledge doing so.

He's very clingy. After locking away Narinder, he stayed with Shamura every day until they were out of bed rest. He follows his siblings around and when he does give them a second to breathe - hes probably laying around in Darkwood instead of doing anything productive. He does tends to plants occasionally, but he prefers "to let chaos do its thing" - as if that means anything.

He makes for a great gardener after he stopped trying to break everything upon recruitment. And once he got over growling at every living thing - he actually became one of the most well liked people living there.

Leshy knows exactly what someone needs and somehow finds a way to achieve that with the littlest of efforts. It's the thought that counts.

Extra: Braid and vines because I thought Leshy would look cute with it.

Special: The 4 bishops all wear old faith themed robes, but Shamura got the elder clothes for comfort and Leshy kept tearing his clothes apart so he is not permanently excluded from having any special outfits as punishment. Narinder wears fancy robes (who happen to be loose and warm while being special - otherwise he'd complain)

The Lamb wears one of the leaked fleeces since I loved the red riding hood aesthetic.

In the end this turned more into biographies than actual explanations but its 3:30am, Im sleep deprived and I wanted to get my thoughts out because I start having memory problems again YIPPEE

[kpopfanfictrash]

Elemental (M) Pt. 1

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Genre: Second Chance Romance / Modern Fantasy

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader (she/her)

Synopsis: Fear has never been a foreign concept to you. Your entire life has been shaped by the knowledge that you’re different, and fear of the stigma which might follow discovery. Although fire, earth, air and water Elementals have been public for decades, the fear-mongering around your kind hasn’t changed; something you have intimate knowledge of, having experienced it firsthand. Since then, you’ve done your best to hide your water powers. This is for your own safety, as your mom likes to say.

Safety flies out the window though, when you fall in love. Jeon Jungkook isn’t just any love, either, he’s the love. The person who makes you feel as though your darkest corners deserve to be seen. Unable to control your magic around him, you find yourself faced with a horrible fact: you need to break up.

A plan which proves difficult when Jungkook simply refuses to go. And maybe, just maybe, you find the constraints placed on yourself don’t make sense anymore.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: death of a parent (past), some emotional abuse

NSFW Warnings: oral (woman and man), multiple orgasms (woman), fingering, hand job, face-riding, sex outdoors (in a secluded, private area), very slight ass-play, breast play

Word Count: 17,287 (32,487 total)

Author's Note: Unfortunately, the new Tumblr text editor doesn't allow for more than 1,000 paragraphs per post. Part I is here, and Part II will be uploaded shortly. Please, please, please reblog both if possible! In my experience, engagement tends to be worse when split into two parts. (also, if you haven't already realized based on the premise, Y/N does break up with Jungkook in the first part of this fic lol so, if that's something you don't want to read; fair warning!)

[ Cross-posted to Wattpad here ]

Magic, to you, has never been a boon.

Despite its romanticization in movies and stories, the reality of magic is messy and unpredictable. As dangerous as it can be fickle, your mom likes to say. Usually followed by a glance in your direction, swift enough for you not to notice, although you always do.

Either that, or an unconscious tilt her chin towards the photograph on the mantle. You aren’t sure she even realizes she does it, acting on instinct alone. The photo is of your dad, holding you on his shoulders with an ear-to-ear grin. He was the other Elemental in your family.

Even with only one magical parent, the Elemental gene tends to be passed on to children. Your dad’s magic was water, skilled in manipulating and calling forth the element. He was lauded for it, which was in itself unusual. More often, Elementals are run out of town by other humans. Although time has gone by since societal integration, there are still many who view your kind with suspicion.

You can’t say that you blame them – not really. Because again, the reality of magic is it can be dangerous. Based on experience, bad things tend to happen when you lose control.

Head tilted, you squint through the fog at your boyfriend’s apartment. For centuries, fog has been heralded as an ill omen and maybe there’s some degree of truth to it. Maybe the first speaker lived near a temperamental water Elemental, unable to keep their emotions from manipulating the weather.

Thoughts souring at how close to reality this feels, you shake your head once and some of the fog clears.

A pep talk, you think. That’s what you need to convince yourself to enter. Unseasonably chilly this late in the summer, your fingers curl into the ends of your sweater. Going inside would be preferrable to standing out in the cold, and yet you can’t manage a single step.

Better to stand in the cold than enter and shatter.

Again, you remind yourself you’re doing the right thing and again, this doesn’t help. If anything, it makes you clutch your sweater tighter. For once, you wish doing the right thing meant what’s right for you. Exhaling deeply, your eyes shut as a train passes and shakes the ground.

You began dating Jungkook three months ago and within a week, you knew it was different. You have a tendency to hide pieces of yourself, knowing most people won’t like what they find. Jungkook never allowed that to happen. The first time you ghosted, he showed up at your favorite coffee shop the next morning and asked what had gone wrong. Taken aback, you responded honestly and to your surprise, Jungkook listened.

He stayed. Stayed when others had run, cementing himself on a short list of people you can trust. Three months into dating, things have moved at once fast and slow. Fast because typically, you exit relationships long before feelings like these ones develop. Slow, because you haven’t given Jungkook every part of yourself.

Physical intimacy comes to mind. On several occasions, this has proved… difficult.

Eyes opening, you stare at the door. Memories of last night rise to the surface. For a long time, you’ve known this relationship has an end date. Knowing this doesn’t prepare you for the difficult conversation ahead.

The last time you saw Jungkook was after midnight. Fat raindrops chased your footsteps while you ran from his place, descending the subway at a record pace. The look on his face remains stuck in your mind and even now, you find the thought hard to revisit.

Imagining hurting Jungkook again is unfathomable. Stifling a gasp, you spin on your heel and march away. Halfway to the gate, you get a grip on yourself. Coming to a stop, you remind yourself this isn’t about you. Jungkook will hate you – there’s nothing to do about that now. Now, this is about Jungkook and ensuring he’s safe.

Slowly, you turn around and make your way forward. In the name of procrastination, you stop at a trash can to clean out your purse. Old receipts, gum wrappers and a crumpled-up napkin shake into the bin. You pause at the napkin, staring at the embossed name of the restaurant you work at. Or – more accurately – worked at.

Slamming the trash lid, you turn. You began work at Pierre’s Bistro two months ago as a temporary measure. Ideally, you paint but lately, inspiration has run dry. Waiting tables pays the bills, leaving time at the end of the day to stare at a blank canvas.

Pierre’s is an upscale French restaurant a few blocks down with semi-decent food and waiting tables would be fine if the owner – Pierre – weren’t a massive asshole. Now that you don’t work there, you can be honest about that. Pierre was the most sexist, elitist, capitalistic piece of shit you’ve ever had the displeasure of working for. While on his payroll, you tried to make the best of it but now, you have nothing to lose. Pierre was a dick.

A point he proved yet again last night, much to your mortification. You prefer working the lunch shift to dinner, and weekdays to weekends. Saturday nights are worst of all, and last night Pierre didn’t arrive until well after six. You were forced to cover the entire front section, picking up for a co-worker who called in sick.

Rushing from the bar, you nearly crashed into your boss removing his coat. Grabbing you by the elbow, Pierre steadied you, his hand lingering.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” he joked.

You forced a smile. Experience has taught you the best thing to do in those types of situations is to smile and laugh.

“No fire. Lots of customers! Excuse me,” you said and tried to move past.

Pierre didn’t release you. If anything, his grip on you tightened until you turned your head.

“Yes?” you said, impatient.

Pierre didn’t respond, looking you slowly up and down. Eventually, he released you to take a step backwards. “Nothing,” he said carefully. “Be careful out there tonight.”

Trying not to gag on his words, you moved on. Unfortunately, it was hard to escape Pierre’s notice once caught. From that point on, each of your flaws were held under a microscope. First, it was that you didn’t fold the napkins correctly. Next, you took a wandering path from kitchen to table. Each time you entered the dining room, scornful words were covered by simpering smiles.

By the time your shift end approached, you could barely keep going. A large group had entered and, seeing the host occupied, you took it upon yourself to seat them at your last table. Fixing your apron, you hurried through the restaurant and into the kitchen.

Grabbing another table’s dishes, you thanked the cook and pushed open the door. Immediately, arms shoved you back in. Startled, you barely had time to recognize the host, Vanessa, before the doors swung shut.

“Vanessa?” you said, adjusting your grip. “What’s going on?”

Harried, she glanced over one shoulder. “Sorry,” she sighed, curly hair slipping from her messy bun. “I wanted to warn you before you went back out. Pierre is pissed.”

Your stomach sank. “Pissed… at me?”

She nodded, another dark curl escaping. “Something about saving the table up front for his friends? Bullshit, yes,” she said at your expression. “But you know how he is.”

“Yeah, I know,” you muttered. Deciding there was nothing to be done but keep moving, you hefted your plates higher. “Okay, thanks for the warning. I need to get these to table ten.”

“No problem,” she said and stepped out of your way.

You walked inside with slightly less spring in your step. Pierre lounged near the bar, surrounded by a group of people you could only assume to be friends. Although you felt his gaze on your face, you avoided him the best you could while you made your rounds. Taking the long way to the kitchen, you passed in front of the window.

Which was the moment you noticed Jungkook waiting for you on the curb. He stood beneath a streetlight, light pooling around the ends of his dark hair. When he saw you approach, his face lit up and he smiled.

Cursing beneath your breath, you smiled back. You were supposed to be done a half-hour ago, but there hadn’t been a good time yet to stop. Waving back, you mouthed, just a minute, and frantically pushed through the crowd to the back.

Merely seeing his face lifted a weight from your chest. It was easy to be around Jungkook because he liked every part of you. You never felt the urge to pretend, to curve yourself into something someone else would find pleasurable.

Well, he liked every part except one – and you were working on telling him that.

Hurrying into the staff room, you forgot your plan to avoid Pierre. You nearly jumped a mile when a hand grabbed your elbow, spinning you to face your fuming manager.

Pierre stared down his nose. “Follow me,” he snapped, releasing your arm to spin around.

He passed tables full of patrons, leading you to the bar before turning. “Y/N,” Pierre said, his voice dropping. “Are things okay tonight?”

“Yes,” you responded, deciding one-word answers were safest.

“Then why, exactly, are you fucking this up?”

Your jaw tensed. “I wasn’t aware I was doing so,” you said carefully.

“The napkins?” Pierre made a tsk-ing sound. “How many times should I say that presentation is important? Not to mention your laziness. One of your tables had to flag me down to ask for a refill. And now, you gave away the front table.” His expression darkened. “What makes you think you, a fucking waitress, can step in for a host? You sat someone at the table I personally reserved for my friends!”

You shouldn’t have responded. You should have stayed quiet and yet –

“There was no name in the book,” you muttered.

“What’s that?” Pierre waited and, when you stayed silent, shook his head. “I hadn’t had time to write their name down, but I told Vanessa, who assured me it’d happen. Of course, she wasn’t taking into consideration Y/N, the wonder waitress! Taking everyone’s jobs and making them harder.”

At your sides, your hands balled into fists. It took a greater amount of concentration than normal to keep your emotions from spilling over.

Of course, there were explanations for Pierre’s accusations. The napkins were correct before he jostled the table. You had been circulating your tables and if you were unavailable, it was because of his poor staffing. Oh, and – he didn’t make a reservation for his friends.

Slowly, you exhaled and stuffed down the responses. Deep down, with other emotions and magic. Beyond Pierre, a glass trembled but once you relaxed, the water went still.

“I apologize,” you said, not meeting his gaze. “I’ll do better next time.”

Pierre sniffed. “See that you do,” he said, brushing past. Grabbing a beer from the bar, you heard his friends burst into raucous laughter. Apparently, your humiliation was entertaining.

Heaving a small sigh, you turned – and froze where you stood.

Outside, Jungkook stared into the restaurant with murderous eyes. Too late, you realized Pierre had pulled you in front of the window. Away from anyone dining, but in full view of anyone on the sidewalk. Like your boyfriend, who witnessed the entire spectacle.

For a moment, your emotions overwhelmed, and you felt magic crack the walls you kept hidden. Embarrassment crept past your boundaries. Humiliation. Fury. Stuffing everything back, you quickly turned to rush through the tables.

Jungkook’s gaze snapped towards you, his brow furrowing. Reaching the staff room, you paced up and down. Jungkook saw you. He saw Pierre’s outburst, which meant you’d have to explain. You’d have to explain to Jungkook – the only person whose opinion you cared about – why you allowed other people to walk all over you.

He’d start to ask questions. Questions like, when was the last time you really got mad? You’d have no good response. Not because you don’t get mad, because you do. But because you don’t ever allow yourself to act on the feeling.

Faced with the prospect of brushing him off, you buried your face in both hands. Your usual excuses wore thin in your ears.

Pierre isn’t so bad. It was a one-time thing. You promise you’ll talk to Pierre tomorrow.

None of it would be true, and you didn’t want to lie to Jungkook. People never understood why you wouldn’t stand up for yourself, but the answer was complicated.

Your last date said you lacked emotions, but you don’t think that’s it. Of course, you have feelings, but those feelings are buried beneath so many layers, they can be hard to see. It’s not that you don’t feel, it’s that you cannot.

When you feel, your magic reacts, and people get hurt.

That was the last part of yourself you kept hidden. Jungkook is normal and he doesn’t know you’re an Elemental.

You know that by now, you should have said something. Obviously, but the timing was never right. Twenty-five years old, and you still aren’t sure how to broach the conversation. Few people know what you are, so you haven’t had much experience with the explanation. Your magic isn’t something you use if you can help it.

Yet another lesson you learned from your mom.

Your dad, an Elemental, died when you were five. Before, you lived near the ocean on a flat strip of sand. Your memories from before then are faint, but whenever you try, you can hear his booming laugh. Can feel the salt sting your cheeks, your mom tossing you in the air while you spun around.

Everything afterwards faded. At five years old, a hurricane swept past the barrier islands and that, you remember. You recall your mom at the door, pleading with your dad not to go as he donned his jacket. You remember him holding her hand, kissing the top of your head, and saying he’d return soon. Not many Elementals lived in your area, and even fewer had water magic.

You recall the hours passing, stretching longer and longer until dawn approached. Flashing lights followed, a woman climbing from her car to speak to your mom. You recall the sound of your mom sobbing, the policewoman’s voice floating into the house.

The storm surge was stronger than expected, but your dad managed to divert the worst. He saved the town only to be hit by a bolt of lightning. Instant death, the policewoman said, her tone implying this might be a comfort. Chest tight, your fingertips dug into the railing. Comfort meant nothing when your dad was gone. The irony struck you even back then – your dad saved others, and no one came to save him.

For weeks following, your mom was a ghost. At first, neighbors stopped by to drop off casseroles and condolences. Soon though, their sympathy stopped, and the whispers began. You were young enough not to notice, too consumed by the enormity of your own loss.

Eventually though, you noticed something was off. Suspicious eyes followed you down the sidewalk. Mothers clutched at their children, hurrying them to the side of an empty street. One day, you traipsed downstairs and overheard your mom on the phone.

She sat at the kitchen table, facing away from the staircase. You paused on the landing, listening to your aunt’s voice blast on speakerphone.

“Nonsense,” she was saying. “Your husband was a hero, and anyone saying otherwise is cracked. He saved your town!”

“I know.” Your mom blew her nose. “But now, people are wondering if he caused the storm. They’re saying maybe he… made the hurricane. It’s this new mayor,” she said, frustrated. “He hates Elementals and keeps insisting our family orchestrated this to collect money. He says –”

“Oh, no.” Your aunt sounded furious. “Don’t you repeat a single word that hateful man says.”

“He has a point, though,” your mom said, her voice low. “Did you hear about Uniontown? A fire Elemental accidentally set their barn on fire. Nearly burned the whole town. Magic is dangerous. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen, and now –”

“When was the last time your husband lost control, though? Are you saying you think he caused a hurricane?”

“God, no!” You watched your mom straighten. “But there are people saying… awful things.”

“Some people aren’t worth listening to.”

“I know.” Wearily, she exhaled. “They’re talking about Y/N, too, though. Apparently, she caused a tidal wave at the pool last weekend.”

Hearing your name said out loud, you shrank back in the shadows. You weren’t aware your mom knew about that, or that she cared. Bobby Clemmons teased Judith Bryce about her hair until finally, you snapped. Bobby was swept to the other end of the pool, much to Judith’s relief. She thanked you repeatedly.

Bobby was fine, except for some water up his nose. From the way he carried on though, you’d have thought he broke his arm.

Your mother lowered her voice, as though magic was something to be mentioned only in whispers. For the first time, a sense of shame crept over you. Your dad had always been open about magic, though stern. Stern in his belief magic should help people, not hurt. Never once did your dad insinuate magic itself was the problem.

Magic is dangerous.

Your mom’s words on the phone sank in as, your head pounding as you turned around to run up the steps. Even at six, you felt panic. If magic was dangerous and you were magical – that meant you were dangerous, too.

Slipping beneath your comforter, you stared at your shaking hands. Rain hit your windows, snowballing your worry to full-on fear. By the time your mom rushed upstairs, you were rocking under the covers as a storm raged.

She helped to calm you down, got your magic under control and a month after, you moved far away from the sea. A version of yourself vanished as you passed the pier. Despite this, you felt instant relief at the thought of control.

You remember your mom smiling when you joined the highway. “This will be good,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “A fresh start, away from it all. You can be whoever you want to be, Y/N.”

Except for the person you actually were.

Her meaning was clear, even if she didn’t say it out loud. At the time, you found the thought soothing. If you didn’t want to use magic, you didn’t have to. You never had to become your dad, who all your friends said had caused the bad storm. Even the news had turned against you.

Earth Elemental suspected behind San Raoul earthquake!

Jailed air Elemental claims innocence against onslaught of tornadoes!

Fire Elementals flee after string of arson!

Always the exclamation point. Always the lurid fascination that blame could be pinned on a single person. New rules were implemented in the house. No magic, except in your mom’s presence. This soon became no magic at all, but you didn’t mind. Whenever you did use magic, it felt wild, chaotic – the opposite of how you wanted to feel.

Your early years were marked by the struggle to conceal your powers. Years passed without incident and then, something would happen, and you’d have to move. Your mom never begrudged you, simply packed the house to travel to the next city. Each time, you promised you’d do better but by the time you realized school wasn’t for you, you had moved no less than six times.

Art was a risk, though one you found necessary.

Creation meant tapping into emotion, but you found methods of coping. Painting was the only place you loosened the reins on your magic, and so it became an outlet of sorts. A release, preventing your emotions from spilling into unwanted places.

There were other strategies, as well. Deep breathing. Counting backwards from one hundred. Focusing on one point, then on another until the magic calmed in your veins. Until you forgot the dangerous and destructive water around you.

Some people proved more reactionary to you than others. With some people, your magic responded so strongly, you were forced to cut them out completely. The first person this happened with was your best friend, Katrina. You were fourteen when she confided in you her family was fire Elementals. In response, your magic surged.

For a glorious summer, you practiced magic in secret. Each morning, you and Katrina bounded through the woods towards the far creek. You summoned great waves of water for Katrina to singe into mist. Everything was fine until late one evening, your mom caught you. She witnessed the combined magic and lost her temper.

Dragging you from the woods, your mom slammed the front door in Katrina’s face. She sat you down at the kitchen table, delivering a scolding you’ve never forgotten.

Do you know how reckless you were? What if a tree had caught fire? What if you altered the town’s water supply? What if someone saw and the next time a disaster happened, they blamed it on you – or Katrina?

Stricken by these very real possibilities, you promised not to do it again. Although you begged not to move, your mom packed the next day – your fastest exit ever.

The second time you cut someone out was after high school. Elliot was an artist, a quiet guy who dabbled with oils. He saw you painting one day in the park and silently set up his easel beside yours. This happened for weeks until he asked you out. Your ensuing romance was brief and sweet, and your feelings grew within a short period of time.

When Elliot told you he loved you, you dissolved into panic. You could feel how your magic responded, reaching for water that surged through his tiny apartment. Tossing on clothes, you stammered apologies and fled into the night.

For weeks following, it rained. Enough for the reporters to forecast local flooding. The fact terrified you – imagining people trapped on top of cars, small businesses flooded, the Red Cross called in to ferry locals to safety. It took your mom flying out to put you at ease, clearing the skies and regaining control.

Since then, you haven’t let anyone else past your inner walls. Until Jungkook.

Swallowing hard, you stare at his apartment and wonder if you’ll survive. Breaking up with Elliot is one of your worst memories and you only felt a fraction of what you do for Jungkook. Maybe you’ll conjure a hurricane, bringing the events of your life full circle.

Shutting your eyes, you rub at them dully. There’s no point in wondering what-if. You need to end it now, before things get worse. All day, you’ve gone over the facts and arrived at the same conclusion.

As expected, Jungkook was livid about Pierre last night. He wanted to confront your boss himself, although quickly backed off when he realized this was your battle. This though, turned to confusion when you said your intent to do nothing.

Although you tried the usual excuses, none of them stuck. Even if it was just once, Jungkook argued, it shouldn’t go unnoticed. You snapped slightly at this, insisting you’d deal with things in your own time.

Getting angry near Jungkook was peculiar. Suddenly, you became aware of the water around you. Thick, leaden pipes lacing Jungkook’s walls. Moisture that hung in the air, in the clouds – within his very veins. The thought terrified you, wondering what you might do accidentally.

Your panic must have been visible, because Jungkook instantly softened. Crossing the room, he pulled you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into your hair. “It’s just… I hate seeing you hurt. Of course, you know what’s best. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

His grip grounded you, enough that your magic dissipated, and that you realized a truth you’d hidden for some time.

You were in love with Jungkook.

No one in your life had ever been like him. Someone who was always in your corner, who protected you when they could and lifted up parts they couldn’t. Someone who liked everything about you – even the parts you weren’t brave enough to admit.

Studying his face, you tried to ignore the sudden ache in your chest. Even last night, you knew the inevitable. Memorizing his face, you tried hard to hold on. Jungkook’s slightly rounded nose, his full bottom lip accentuated by two piercings. Dark hair fell over his forehead; strong features contrasted by a soft gaze.

Jungkook watched you as well, and you wondered if he felt the same. Wondered why he’d commit you to memory, since you were the lucky one. He was the miracle, and you were biding your time.

Bending, he lightly brushed your mouth against his. Instantly, you melted. It wasn’t your first kiss and prayed it wouldn’t be the last, but something about last night felt different. Walking the two of you backwards, Jungkook pressed you against the wall and kissed you harder. His touch became desperate, one hand sliding beneath the lines of your blouse.

Your breath hitched at the brush of his fingers, delicious and warm against skin. His touch unknotted a hidden, tangled piece of your soul.

Ever since you met Jungkook, you’d held yourself separate. When you asked him to go slow in the beginning, he agreed. Touching was fine. Kissing was fine. Anything more, and you lost control.

About a month into dating, you met Jungkook at a bar and got tipsy. Three drinks in, you were frantically making out in an alley outside. Jungkook panted, “my place?” against your mouth, and you nodded. The journey back to his place was fast and slow, pausing in every dark place to drag his mouth to yours.

The second his door shut, you found yourself stumbling – into his bedroom, his bed, the confines of his heart. Shoes were discarded with every step, and Jungkook couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. You returned his fervor in spades, nipping his lower lip to watch him smile.

When he fell back on the bed, you saw his pulse quicken. Staring up at you, Jungkook watched your clothing disappear with a gaze so dark, it bordered on onyx. Climbing onto him, you resumed kissing with a newfound reverence. Eyes falling shut, you did your best to stay present.

Each brush of his lips was combustive, each touch of his hands filling you with sharp, pulsing light. And then –

The sink and shower in his bathroom burst on.

Startled, you pulled away and realized it had been you. Your magic had caused it, flooding his bathroom with water. Swearing under his breath, Jungkook scrambled out of bed to hastily turn off both faucets.

You sat there on his bed, heart pounding with fear. By the time he returned, you were already dressed and mortified. Jungkook was all apologies, certain he’d moved too fast, but you assured him he hadn’t. Anything that happened, you were an equal participant – too much maybe, although you didn’t say so out loud.

Lying in bed that night, you stared up at your ceiling. For a moment, it felt as though you were six and under the covers at your old house. Magic was dangerous. You would eventually hurt someone. Dread pooled in your stomach, recognizing the truth. If you couldn’t control your magic around Jungkook, you’d have to end things.

Heartache chased the thought, filling you with so much panic, you nearly drowned. Pushing this aside, you simply resolved to do better. To be better and keep both Jungkook and magic. This was simply another challenge; you owned your magic, not the other way around.

Thus, began the two best and worst months of your life. The best, since you’ve been dating Jungkook and the worst, because at every moment, you’re terrified of hurting him. Walking a line as thin as a razor, you’ve fallen in love while trying your best not to feel.

Until last night, you thought you’d been successful. Life was mostly under control, but then the Pierre debacle took place. Then Jungkook kissed you with such intensity, you forgot who you were and why you’d been holding back. Two long months of restraint and suddenly, you came undone at the seams.

Before long, you were again in his bedroom. Jungkook stripped off his clothes, bare skin pressing to yours with a searing intensity. Pulling you over him, a low hiss escaped while he kissed your throat. Even through his boxers, you could feel how hard Jungkook was. How badly he wanted this; a need you returned.

The thought of him inside you made you frantic. Pushing Jungkook onto his back, you straddled his waist and rocked forward.

Jungkook lay underneath you, his hair a dark halo. Suddenly, you could feel water everywhere. Magic, everywhere – it was in you, around you, in Jungkook’s walls and molecules. Everything felt so utterly fragile, and your magic responded.

Ferocious, it strained at your self-crafted bonds. Realizing how precarious your grasp on control was, your emotions slipped into panic.

You had to leave. Now.

Sensing the change in your body, Jungkook paused.

“I – I’m sorry,” you blurted, scrambling off him. Bending for your pants, you pushed one leg through and hastily zipped. “I need to go.”

Jungkook stared, frozen in place. “I…” Shaking his head, he pushed a hand through his hair. “What’s going on? Did I do something wrong?”

Stomach dropping, you roughly shook your head. Part of you ached to correct him but your magic was barely leashed, and you weren’t certain how much longer it’d hold.

Your magic wasn’t something you wanted Jungkook to see.

Frantically throwing on your shirt, you rushed towards his front door. His dog, Bam, whined from the couch and lifted his head as you passed. Yanking open his door, you escaped to the hall and downstairs. You heard Jungkook call after, but he didn’t follow, for which you were grateful.

Remembering his face broke your heart as you entered the subway. You kept your magic at bay until reaching your building, at which point rain swept the city in waves. Soaked through, you got in the elevator and saw Jungkook had texted. Shaking, you responded you’d talk to him tomorrow and turned off your phone.

Rain poured all night and you barely slept. By the time you woke, your mood had gotten worse. Work was torture. Even the lunch shift couldn’t save you, the looming specter of Jungkook impossible to forget. When Pierre showed up around one, you knew you were doomed. His glower could be felt all the way across the restaurant and no matter what you did, you somehow stayed in his way.

With little to no sleep and haunted by last night, the grip on your magic was tentative at best. Your entire shift, it hovered at the edge of your fingers. When Pierre commented you looked tired, the rain outside worsened. When a table of middle-aged men called you ‘girlie,’ their water glasses shook.

It was miraculous nothing happened until the end of your shift. That was the moment Pierre’s friends arrived, seating themselves at the table you gave away last night. One of them laughed as you poured them water, and you managed to push down your snide remark.

Glasses full, you turned around to go and the same one grabbed your waist.

You went still.

For so long, you’ve hidden your magic to protect others. You’ve kept them from hurting and there you were, broken, and no one cared about you. Just like no one cared about your dad, in the end. Teeth gritted, you whirled – and the entire water pitcher dumped itself at him.

At him, not on him.

You didn’t trip. Didn’t throw the water, although either would have been preferrable. Instead, the water leapt from the pitcher to slap the man in the face.

Horrified, you stared as reality sunk in. You had just assaulted a guest – a friend of Pierre’s, at that.

Shocked, the man wiped water down his visage. The entire restaurant fell silent, every eye in the room locked on you. Panic-stricken, you stammered an apology, flung a napkin on the table and fled into the kitchen.

The moment you crashed through the doors, you were hailed a hero. Izumi, your line cook, wistfully recalled the one time she punched a guy who grabbed her ass. Georgina added that once, she spit in the drink of a man who called her a bitch.

Both tactfully avoided the fact that you were an Elemental, which you appreciated. You were starting to feel marginally better – maybe you wouldn’tbe fired, after all – when the door to the kitchen swung open and Pierre stormed through. Seeing his face, your heart sank.

“You!” Spittle flew from his lips as he pointed. “Y/N – pack your things! You’re done here. Fired. You think you can insult my friend, pull some magic bullshit on him, and continue to work here? Fuck that. Get out – now!”

A pin could have been heard in the silence. Coming to your senses, you did exactly as asked and got your things. Pierre hadn’t mentioned pressing charges, and you didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out.

Outside, you stood on the sidewalk and stared at the bus stop. Storm clouds brewed above, a visualization of your inner turmoil. Eventually, you turned and trudged down the subway.

Things had reached a point you couldn’t ignore anymore. You were beyond out of control. Emotions surged and strained against your internal walls, threatening everyone you held dear. The city didn’t deserve to be punished, even if no one within it knew of your sacrifice. Pierre’s friends were awful, but you could’ve just as easily lost your temper with someone you loved.

Someone like Jungkook, whom you couldn’t seem to be around without incident.

That was the reason most people feared Elementals. It was selfish of you to put your desires ahead of another person’s safety. The only way to protect someone you loved was to stay away.

Starting with Jungkook. You just wished he didn’t have to get hurt in order for that to happen.

Standing outside his building, you take a deep breath and press the buzzer. You wait for several long moments, wondering if he’s home and then –

“Hello?” Jungkook’s voice crackles over the speaker.

Leaning in, you press 316. “Hey. It’s me. Y/N.”

A weighted pause, and then –

“Come in.”

The door unlocks, and you push it inside. Climbing the steps to his place, your heart starts to pound. The last time you saw Jungkook, you were running away. The last text he sent was, ‘ok,’ in response to your message. If you were Jungkook, you wouldn’t be thrilled to see you.

Coming to a stop outside 316, you lift your hand and knock. A howl responds, followed by the patter of gigantic dog footsteps. Unable to stop your smile, you shake your head at the chaos.

“It’s just me, Bam!” you say, and he stops.

Bam’s howl is replaced with a whine and the sharp thwack-thwack of his tail on the door.

“Bam, out of the way,” Jungkook calls, his voice coming closer. A few seconds later, the door flies open to reveal your boyfriend.

You only catch a glimpse before Bam barrels out, nearly knocking you over. Legs and tail akimbo, he slobbers all over until you bend to pet him. Once satisfied, Bam turns around and trots back inside.

Silence falls between you, and you look up to see Jungkook. He’s dressed casually, sweatpants and a t-shirt bought at a concert you attended. He hasn’t moved aside, blocking you from entering.

Uncertain, you straighten. “Can I come in?”

Slowly, he nods and moves. You walk past him, trying not to focus on the heat of his shoulder. This might be the last time you see Jungkook, so you try to focus on that. Not the prospect of what you’re about to do.

Hearing the door shut, you take a deep breath and turn to face him. “I can’t stay too long,” you admit, digging your nails into the palms of your hands.

Jungkook regards you warily. His expression makes your chest ache, unused to him with such a stern expression. After last night, you suppose it’s earned. You should probably get used to it.

“Y/N.” His jaw works. “What’s going on?”

Deciding honesty is the best policy – up to a point – you force out your next words. “I think we should break up,” you say in a rush.

With a low whine, Bam slinks in the direction of the bedroom. Jungkook glances at him, distracted, before facing forward.

“What do you mean?” His head tilts. “Like, you want to take a break?”

Steeling yourself, you shake your head. “No. As in, I want to break up. Permanently.”

A train passes by the building, rumbling the floorboards underneath. Most people would avoid living in this building for that reason, but Jungkook was overjoyed by the prospect of discounted rent.

He doesn’t seem overjoyed now, though. Instead, he looks stricken.

“Walk me through this,” Jungkook says, walking closer. The set of his mouth has turned stubborn. “I don’t follow. Why are we breaking up again?”

The knot in your chest tightens. You should have known Jungkook wouldn’t make this easy on you. “We’re not good together,” you say, only to correct yourself. “I mean, I’m not good for you. I’m not in a place where I can be in a relationship.”

He comes to a stop. “I can wait, Y/N. I don’t mind.”

Reaching for you, Jungkook’s brows crease when you take a step backwards. His hand falls between you, and he stares at the empty space. The crack in your heart widens, made worse by his silence.

“I mind, though,” you force yourself to say. “I can’t ask you to wait for me, Jungkook. That’s not fair to either of us. It’s too much pressure.”

The words make your heart splinter, reaching a point you aren’t sure can be reassembled. Maybe the pieces will simply lodge in your muscle, bruising your insides each time you draw breath.

“I won’t pressure you,” Jungkook says, automatic. His frown deepens. “Tell me what this is really about, Y/N. Is this about sex? It’s fine if we don’t have it.” Stepping closer, he takes your hand and you let him. “I just want you to be honest with me.”

Somewhat manic, you shake your head – and then nod.

Sex is a part of the problem, but it’s not the root cause. Sex with Jungkook is unthinkable. You can barely remain in control when you kiss, let alone allow more. With your past partners, this wasn’t an issue, but your past partners weren’t Jungkook.

Never have you met someone able to scramble your thoughts with a kiss. Whose gaze melted inhibitions and tore down every wall. You have little doubt that with Jungkook, you’d lose full control, and the thought is terrifying. Already, your makeshift barriers are weakened.

Rain splatters against the window, and your stomach lurches.

“Seriously, Y/N,” Jungkook says, returning your attention to him. “What’s this about? I can tell something’s on your mind.”

He takes your other hand, and you realize how close he stands. “Is it work?” Jungkook asks, a crease between brows. “Is there… some reason you can’t quit? You can tell me, Y/N.”

An odd zing of disappointment goes through you. For a moment, you thought Jungkook had guessed your secret, and this could all be avoided. If Jungkook knew what you were and that you lied to him – well, he’d end things for you. Hesitant, you consider revealing that truth but can’t seem to form words. It would devastate you, seeing fear replace love in his eyes.

“Work isn’t the problem,” you say at last. “It’s us, Jungkook. Or – it’s me. I don’t want to be together anymore.”

Disbelief flashes across his expression, and you idly wonder what will happen if Jungkook refuses. Even as you think this though, his expression shifts. Jungkook takes a careful step backwards, dropping your hands entirely.

He’s never been good at hiding emotion. Jungkook is your opposite in that way, revealing every shift of thought and desire. You watch confusion become anger, then bitterness a moment before he turns away. The set of his shoulders is still, staring out the window as yet another train passes.

Restless, he turns to drag a hand through his hair. “I don’t believe you,” he declares. “This is so out of nowhere, Y/N. What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’m telling you everything,” you say, panic rising. “And this isn’t out of nowhere! I’ve been telling you for months I need to take things slow and this – well, this is the opposite of slow, Jungkook!”

Jungkook stares back at you, heated. “Yeah, I guess so.”

The two of you stand there for a moment, the tension thick in between you. Eventually, you look away first and pull your bag tighter.

“Right,” you exhale. “Well, I should go –”

Striding forward, Jungkook reaches you to cup your face with both palms. Gently, he lifts your face towards him, and all thoughts cease completely. Gaze searching, his breath fans across your parted lips.

Jungkook’s gaze intensifies. “I don’t believe you,” he murmurs.

Adrenaline zips under your skin, stirring your magic into a deadly storm. Entire body tense, you suppress the urge to fight or flee. So often, you’re the one running but right now, you feel more compelled to fight.

A knife in you twists, knowing you’re a coward. If you were stronger, you could keep Jungkook. No matter how understanding he is, the fact remains that if he stays with you, Jungkook remains in danger. Each passing day only worsens the pain.

His face blurs. With a start of surprise, you realize there are tears on your cheeks. The furrow between Jungkook’s brows deepens, noticing as well.

“You’re not listening,” you blurt. “I can’t see you any longer, Jungkook. It’s in your best interest, I promise – I can’t do this. It’s too much.”

Reaching up, you remove his hands from your face and head for the door.

Jungkook follows close behind. “Which is it, then?” he demands. “You want me to go slowly, or you feel too much?”

Pressure weighs every inch of your skin, demanding you answer. Anything that comes out now will only make things harder. Reaching the door, you feel Jungkook’s hand on your shoulder. Caving, you don’t fight when Jungkook turns you to face him.

He’s too close to you. Too much and too close, his one hand sliding to cup the back of your neck. Slowly, his thumb strokes the elongated line of your throat. You swallow, hard, and his gaze follows the motion.

Jungkook’s gaze flicks to yours. “You keep saying you’re no good for me,” he says, his voice low. “But what if I don’t care? Don’t I get a say in this decision?”

The force of holding in your magic worsens, becoming near impossible. Hastily built walls threaten to collapse, and reality blurs between one moment and the next.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, your hand searching behind you. “I have to go.”

Finding the doorknob, you twist and stumble backwards. Jungkook watches you go, the look on his face physically painful as you turn around. Each second that follows is pure concentration, trying not to break before getting outside.

The ocean is only a few blocks from Jungkook’s apartment.

Reaching the harbor, rain pelts your face in a way that feels punishing. Magic makes your limbs tremble, escaping your body in wisps of fog and rain. The moment you arrive at the harbor, you shatter, collapsing forward to grip your knees with both hands.

Eyes pressed tightly shut, you hear the storm howl. Waves churn the harbor, sloshing over the sidewalk in an attempt to get closer. No tidal waves, you plead in an attempt at reason. No whirlpools, no water spouts.

Your magic listens in this regard, at least. By the time your eyes open, a curtain of rain mingles with tears on your cheeks. Staring out at the ocean, each inch of your body is numb.

Jungkook will never forgive you for this.

The thought banishes all the rest. You can’t say that you blame him. Slowly, you exhale as you lift your gaze. The chasm in your chest widens, becoming something unbreachable. This is all your fault. You wish there was some satisfaction in knowing this, but there isn’t.

Eventually, the rain dulls, and you push yourself upright. Your sneakers squish with every step, the silence all-encompassing as you ride on the subway. Entering the building, you remove your shoes and collapse on your bed, fully clothed. Thankfully, your roommate isn’t home, so you aren’t forced to explain the events of tonight. Seokjin would have wanted to discuss, and you aren’t sure you can without breaking down.

Burrowing your face into the pillows, you manage to cry yourself asleep. Rain doesn’t let up the entire night.

“Tell me again.” Taking a seat at the table, Seokjin spoons yogurt and berries into his mouth. “Why did you have to end things with your boyfriend?”

Cracking open one eye, you glare from where you sit, slumped forward. “You know why, Seokjin,” you grumble. “Not all of us can be air Elementals in perfect control of their magic.”

“You could be, though,” he says, pointing with his spoon. “If you put in like, five seconds of training and embraced your water powers instead of running away whenever things got bad.”

“I am not running.”

“No.” Seokjin lifts a brow. “You’re cowering, which is far less attractive.”

“I’m not cowering, either.” Scowling, you bury your head deeper into your arms. “I’m wallowing. Big difference.”

Scoffing, his spoon scrapes the bottom of the bowl. Pushing his chair back to stand, Seokjin heads for the sink and turns on the tap. The water itches a spot deep in your chest, almost taunting.

“I can’t be too hard on you, though,” Seokjin says as he cleans. “You did get fired and dumped in one day – that’s pretty rough.”

“Does it count as being dumped if I did the dumping?”

“I’ll allow it.” He opens the dishwasher. “But only because really, you didn’t want to break up with Jungkook. You’ve just convinced yourself the world is better off without you – something I highly disagree with, by the way, but can’t fault you for feeling. It’s too sad.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, and close your eyes.

Two days have gone by since your decision to end your relationship with Jungkook. It hasn’t been great, to put things mildly. On Monday, you barely left your room and rain poured from the sky. When you did enter the kitchen, the weather person on Channel 9 predicted local flooding.

Seokjin arrived from his business trip that night, took one look at your face and helped stop the storm. You sagged with relief, falling into a fitful round of sleep that only lasted three hours.

Seokjin is one of the few Elementals you know who embraces their power. Both his parents are air Elementals, and he was raised to take over their magical consulting business. Said business does well, leading Seokjin to own a gorgeous, three-bedroom apartment in the middle of the city. He got bored last winter, decided to post for a roommate and here you are. One of the few people in the city willing to room with an Elemental.

You don’t care what Seokjin does with his magic, although his laissez-faire attitude can occasionally be unnerving. You’ve lived your entire life with the assumption your existence is dangerous. All you need is a quick Google search to reinforce this fact. But then there’s Seokjin, living his life, seemingly none the worse for the wear.

He discovered your powers about a month into rooming together. Coming back from a trip, Seokjin opened the door to stare, slack-jawed, as plates washed themselves in the sink. Glancing up from your book at the table, you immediately sent two dishes crashing onto the floor.

Seokjin stared at this for a moment, then looked up. “You owe me new plates,” he declared and walked into his bedroom. After a moment, he popped his head out. “Hey – you think if we combined my wind and your water, we could create a waterspout but on land?”

“That’s… a tornado, Seokjin.”

“Right.” He slapped the doorframe once and disappeared. “Well, something to think about!”

Months later, Seokjin still doesn’t understand your avoidance of magic, but respects the decision enough to leave it alone. At least, until something like this happens and he’s again at a loss.

“Listen.”

Turning around, he shuts the dishwasher with his hip.

“Oh, no.” You grimace. “What now?”

Seokjin raises both hands. “Nothing, nothing. Far be it from me to comment on your mistakes. I’m sorry – did I say mistakes? I meant, ‘learned life experience.’ Through mistakes.”

“Was there a question in all that?”

“No question.” Loosely, he gestures. “Just wanted to say you can stay here, rent-free, until you figure this out. You know I’m only taking your money because you insist. I don’t need it. This place is already paid for.”

“Only because you frightened the seller so badly, they cut the price in half.”

“Listen.” Seokjin’s smile turns slightly sinister. “If they were willing to let their ingrained fear of Elementals influence their selling point, that’s on them. Not me.”

“Fair enough,” you sigh and sit back. “But seriously – thank you. This will give me some time to come up with a plan.”

Seokjin nods, tracing the rim of his coffee. Absently, he glances down the hall at the empty third bedroom. “You know…”

“No,” you say, automatic.

His right brow lifts. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“You were going to suggest I use this time off to work on my art.”

“Okay.” Seokjin shrugs. “Maybe you did know. But seriously, Y/N – why not?”

Weary, you exhale. “Because every time I try to paint, I get this… block. I can’t explain it. Watercolors used to be the one place I felt comfortable using my magic. Now… I don’t know. I can’t seem to use my magic anywhere. Even my art.”

Seokjin tilts his head, thoughtful. “How long has this been going on?”

“Don’t know – a few months?”

“Not long after you started dating Jungkook.”

Staring at Seokjin, you realize he’s right. That’s exactly around when you began dating Jungkook. The block happened not long after. Thinking about the early days of dating are painful though, and so you choose not to.

“I don’t want to talk about him,” you declare with a shake of your head. “Right now, what I need is a job. And to earn money. Preferably in that order.”

Seokjin’s lips twitch. “Let me know if the order changes. I know a guy.”

Before you can consider his offer too seriously, your phone rings on the table. Glancing down, your heart constricts at your mom’s name. It isn’t that you don’t want to talk. It’s that if you do, Jungkook’s name will come up, and you’ll be forced to explain why you two aren’t together. Right now, you’re managing to cope by avoiding the topic. You aren’t sure what will happen if you’re forced to confront it.

Not to mention the very real possibility your mom will be happy. She liked Jungkook, but she always worries whenever someone new enters your life.

Also glancing at your phone, Seokjin scowls. “Don’t answer it,” he says, walking past. “Whenever you talk to your mom, things get even worse.”

Seokjin’s not wrong. Your mom means well – really, she does – but talking to her tends to leave you exhausted. Still, you know from experience it’s better to answer now.

“I know,” you sigh and stand up. “But if I don’t pick up now, she’ll just keep calling. Hey,” you say, pressing answer. “One second, mom.”

Ignoring Seokjin’s sad shake of his head, you scoop up your coffee and head for your bedroom.

Closing the door to your room, you lean backwards. “Hi, mom,” you say, lifting your phone to your ear. “Sorry about that. I was eating breakfast. How are you?”

“Oh, you know,” your mom says, and you can practically hear her smile. “Same old, same old. The better question is, how are you? I saw on the weather there’s some flooding by you. Hope you’re alright!”

Grimacing, you move the phone to speaker. You should have known your mom would check in. Reading between the lines of her question, you can hear what she’s really asking. Your mom wants to know if you caused the flooding – an answer which is undeniably yes, but she doesn’t have to know that.

Setting down your half-empty mug, you flop face-first on your bed. Less information tends to be more with your mom. You’re debating what to say when she solves the problem for you.

“I know you haven’t had a slip in years,” she continues. “But if there’s another water Elemental in town, you should try to steer clear of them! Being around them could set you off – that’s what happened to Becky’s nephew, she said.”

Fighting an eye roll, you roll on your back. Becky Mayweather is your mom’s best friend in the entire world and one of your least favorite people. She’s the type to bake cookies, offer a shoulder to cry on – and then promptly turn and gossip to the neighbors about it. She fancies herself an Elemental expert because a few of her friends married them. Funnily enough, neither you nor your mom have met these friends in person.

“Oh?” you ask. “I never noticed.”

“It’s true! You know that I worry, Y/N. All alone in the city with another Elemental for a roommate…”

Annoyance spikes in your stomach. “His name is Seokjin, and I’m an Elemental too, mom. His mom could say the same thing about me.”

Seokjin’s mom could be saying that, but she wouldn’t because Seokjin’s mom and dad are both magic enthusiasts. The few times you met them, they were nothing but kind.

“Oh, Y/N.” Your mom sighs. “It’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“Watch your tone,” she says. “I’m only telling the truth. You work hard on controlling your magic. Your roommate, on the other hand, uses his magic willy-nilly. In broad daylight! You two couldn’t be more different.”

Your mom isn’t wrong about that, although not for the reason she thinks. Seokjin does use his magic freely, but you’re the one at risk of hurting others – not him.

“Seokjin is a good guy,” you say tightly. “He’s letting me stay here, rent-free, while I search for another job.”

“Another job?” Her voice pitches. “What happened to the job at that restaurant?”

Cursing yourself for your own stupidity, you close your eyes. “Um… I was let go. Difference of opinions with management.”

“Oh. Well. That’s too bad, Y/N, I’m sorry. It’s probably for the best – you don’t want to be working for someone you don’t respect, right?”

Some of your anger lessens at her genuine sympathy. It’d be easy to paint your mom as the villain but truthfully, she comes from a good place. You know that she loves you; she just doesn’t want to lose you the same way she lost your dad.

Exhaling deeply, you reach to grab a pillow. “I’ve been trying to paint,” you say. “It hasn’t been going well.”

“No?”

You frown at the obvious joy in her voice.

“Yeah,” you admit.

“Well…” Your mom draws the word out. “We always knew art was a risky hobby, Y/N. Painting. With watercolors. Something could easily go wrong and put you in danger.”

“I know, mom.”

“Actually,” she adds, her excitement growing. “Maybe this is a sign. Y/N – what if this means your powers are weakening?”

Your entire body goes still. “What?”

“Yes!” she says, oblivious to the panic in your voice. “You always loved watercolors because they made sense to you, right? Because of your… well, magic. What if a block means your powers are growing weaker? I wonder if other Elementals ever lose touch with their magic. I’ll have to ask Becky.”

Irrational anger surges within, and you hear the faucet in your bathroom turn on. Hastily, you work to turn it back off.

“You don’t need to do that,” you blurt. “I’ll research it myself. Actually, I should get going – I wanted to apply for some jobs this morning.”

“Oh, yes – good call, honey. You go and apply. Let me know if you need help. Becky has connections with the local university. I’m sure someone could help you update your resume – or even apply, if that sounds interesting to you.”

“Thanks,” you say, although it absolutely does not. “That’s a nice offer.”

“Have a good day, honey – I love you!”

“Love you, too,” you say before hanging up.

Dropping the phone onto your bed, you hug your pillow tightly. It takes several long minutes to relax, wading your way through an anxious sea of thought. Although your mom means well, conversations with her tend to leave you feeling drained. Since you were young, it’s felt like your mom has an idea of the perfect child, and they aren’t you.

Eventually, you stand to bring your mug to the kitchen. Seokjin is busy making another pot of coffee, the delicious scent wafting overhead.

Passing him by, you eye this warily. “Isn’t that your third pot this morning?”

“And?” Seokjin reaches for his mug. “You’ve had three cups yourself.”

“Touché,” you sigh, collapsing on the couch.

Minutes later, Seokjin enters the living room and hands you a mug.

Staring into the drink, you say, “Thanks.”

Settling onto the sofa, Seokjin examines you over the rim of his coffee. You ignore him, taking a long sip of your drink. A summer breeze wafts through the window, and with a flick of his wrist, Seokjin sends it back out.

A stab of envy goes through you, although you know it’s irrational. Seokjin always makes magic look easy, but you’ve never found it to be so. Maybe when you were younger, before the crippling fear and anxiety had a chance to set in. The only time magic ever felt normal was when you painted and now, you can’t even do that.

Thinking about painting makes you think about Jungkook though, causing the dull thud in your chest to become a sledgehammer. You miss him. Miss the easy way Jungkook made you laugh. How he insisted on constantly touching some part of your body.

Cupping your mug of coffee, you take another sip and sink into the sadness.

“Far be it from me to dole out advice.” Seokjin interrupts your tiny pity party. “But I think you’re going about this the wrong way.”

Too exhausted to argue, you merely exhale. “What’s the right way, then?”

His head tilts. “I don’t know. But I find it weird your block appeared around the same time you started dating Jungkook. You’ve…” Seokjin hesitates, and you recognize his how-do-I-put-this-delicately face. “You’ve given up a lot over the years, Y/N. Maybe this time, you gave up more of yourself than you realized.”

Silently, you wonder whether he’s right. For too long, you’ve gone through the motions of life without really living. Too scared of letting people in, scaring them off, of being yourself. Perhaps giving up Jungkook will be the final straw. The thought doesn’t comfort you, and you have no response.

After a moment, Seokjin turns on the TV. The morning slips by, though you can’t help but think about his earlier comments – could you control your magic if you tried harder? The moment you think this, you instantly banish the thought. You’ve been attempting for months, and nothing has worked.

With this cheery thought, you allow yourself to sink further into melancholy. Only this time, the water rushing overheard isn’t your friend. You aren’t sure it ever was.

Wednesday morning, you leave the apartment in a haze. You thought that by today, things would be better but if anything, the situation seems to be worse.

Missing Jungkook is painful.

It hurts more than you thought, which might sound stupid, but that doesn’t make it any less true. When you and Elliot broke up, it was sad, but you knew it was for the best and that lessened some of the pain. Now though, each beat of your heart prevents the wound from closing. A tentative scab in one second, only to be torn open the next.

Jungkook always sent you good morning texts. Not because he was up before you, but because he went to bed so late, it was only an hour or two before you awoke. His words were the first thing you read in the morning, smiling sleepily at his rambling. Sometimes, Jungkook would include a late-night snack recipe. Always, he’d end with something he liked about you.

His silence is deafening. Something not even your favorite coffee shop can fix, although you try. Standing in line, you aimlessly flip through songs on your phone. Today, you promised Seokjin you’d attend at least two interviews. The first one is in an hour at a sushi restaurant. Before then, you plan to load up on caffeine and organize your thoughts.

When the line moves forward, you flip to your messages. No new texts. Unsurprising, but it rends the scab in your heart anew.

Facing forward, you remove an earbud to order. “Hi,” you say, mustering a smile. “I’ll have an iced americano with rose syrup.”

“Got it.” The barista barely looks up. “That all?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Want a receipt?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.” She nods. “That’ll be ready soon at the end of the counter.”

Nodding your thanks, you replace the ear pod. Cranking your music louder, you wait for your coffee and lean against the counter. The coffee shop is tiny, empty for a weekday after the morning rush. Aimless, you glance over the clustered tables.

Your thoughts are on Jungkook before they can be stopped. You wonder what he's doing, what he’s wearing, whether he’s blocked your number yet from his phone.

A talented graphic designer, Jungkook works mostly on commission and on his own time. He does well for himself – enough to afford rent on his own place. Your mutual creative streak was something you had in common. Not your sleeping hours, that’s for sure.

Jungkook usually slept until nine or ten, then went to the gym before he made breakfast. You used to tease him about that, saying he couldn’t call it breakfast if –

Your heart falters. Jungkook must be on your mind since you seem to have hallucinated him here, at the coffee shop. You blink once, and then twice, but the mirage doesn’t fade, and you’re forced to conclude Jungkook is actually here.

Unfolding himself from a chair, he heads in your direction. Panicked, you glance at the counter, then back up. Your coffee hasn’t finished, which means that you’re trapped. Straightening, you do your best to seem natural and are certain you fail. Jungkook doesn’t just look natural, he is so as he approaches. At least, until you notice his hands in his pockets.

Jungkook does this when he’s nervous. Likely, he’s playing with the inside pocket lining. It hurts, knowing him so well, and not being his. When Jungkook comes to a stop, you stand mere inches apart.

“Jungkook,” you say, his name punched from your diaphragm.

He nods. “Hey.”

Uncertain, you glance down at the counter to check for your drink. Still nothing and, looking back, you tilt your head. “What are you doing here?”

Jungkook’s hands go deeper, if possible. “Getting coffee. Is that allowed?”

Your lips press together. “Sure. Theoretically, you can get coffee. What I’m asking though, is why you chose this coffee shop, five blocks away from your place. Usually, you’re not awake before noon.”

His expression is inscrutable. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah.”

The silence between you lengthens, and not in a good way. You know why you’re quiet but can’t tell what Jungkook is thinking. You suppose that it’s possible he woke up early, forgot this was your favorite shop and went on a long walk for coffee – it’s possible, but unlikely.

At last, Jungkook exhales. “Alright, fine. I wanted to see you.”

“Y/N?”

Both of you turn at the sound of your name. Glancing between the two of you, the barista seems to pick up a weird vibe, dropping the cup to hurry away. Grateful for the interruption, you reach for your coffee and attempt to reset.

It’s not fair of Jungkook, corning you like this. You were already forced to end this once – unfair, making you do so again. Breaking up with him once was barely possible; twice is unthinkable.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?”

His voice interrupts your train of thought and, gripping your drink tightly, you turn.

“Like what?” you ask.

“Like, I don’t know.” His brow furrows, frustration obvious. “Anything, Y/N.”

Behind the counter, the barista fills a tea kettle to set this on the stove. You watch it instead of Jungkook, unsure how you’re going to do this again. The pressure of the water boiling is near tangible, mimicking the internal state of your mind.

Biting your tongue, you decide a safe exit is best. Jungkook will get the hint without you being forced to break his heart. Counting backwards from ten, you exhale and attempt to walk past.

“I’m sorry you came all this way,” you say in a murmur.

You’re nearly past Jungkook when you hear a soft swear. Only one more step happens before his hand grips your elbow.

“Y/N, please,” Jungkook breathes, turning you towards him.

Your gaze lifts and you start at his obvious pain. Staring back, Jungkook searches your face for something unspoken. Whatever he seeks, he must find it, since determination enters his.

You tear your gaze away. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jungkook.”

“I want to know if you were serious about breaking up.”

He’s still holding your elbow.

You must notice this at the same time, but neither of you move. Your gaze returns to his, drawn like a magnet and you realize your mistake when you can’t look away. Romeo’s line about Julie being the sun comes to mind, making sudden sense. You orbit around Jungkook, whether you like it or not.

In the background, a tea kettle whistles. “I meant what I said, Jungkook,” you say, forcing yourself to speak first. “I’m not good for you.”

A muscle in his jaw feathers. “But why,” he demands, frustration seeping through. You can hear in his voice the long nights of desperation, of little sleep in your absence. “I don’t understand what went wrong, Y/N. What did I do?”

A chasm in your chest opens, hating how easily he jumps to self-doubt. Before you can think better of it, you move closer.

“Nothing,” you say, one hand on his arm. “You did nothing wrong, Jungkook. I’m just not in a place where I can be in a relationship.”

“But why not?” His gaze sharpens. “Everything was fine between us until Sunday.”

“Everything was not fine.”

Jungkook pauses, then barrels on. “When you say you can’t be in a relationship… what you’re really saying is you can’t be in a relationship with me.”

“With anyone,” you correct, although you aren’t sure that’s the truth.

Your magic has never been this temperamental. Possibly because this is the first time you’ve fallen in love. Dating someone not Jungkook would be safer, but the thought is abhorrent.

If you can’t have Jungkook, you don’t want anyone. That will be your punishment. Jungkook will move on, fall in love, and be happy with another person. Not you. No one else will compare, and if you can’t now, you doubt you’ll move past this crippling fear.

“You keep telling me that,” Jungkook says, growing heated. “But I’m the one you’re breaking up with, so it’s a little bit about me. You need to give me something, Y/N. Is this about your past? I know you don’t like to talk about your childhood, but I want to know.”

A loud buzzing fills your ears, gaze darting around. You haven’t told Jungkook much about your family, not wanting to invite questions about being an Elemental. The thought of him guessing sparks panic again, and the tea kettle on the stove whistles louder.

“People in my past hurt me,” you say in a rush. Magic itches beneath your skin, begging for escape. “That’s part of it, but not all.”

“What’s all, then?”

Frustration seeps past the wall, and several things happen. Your magic lashes out, a loud noise makes you jump, and the tea kettle shatters while hitting the floor. Water sloshes across the tile, steam hissing as the barista jumps back with a yelp.

Startled, you whirl around. One barista turns off the stove, another grabs a towel while a third finds a broom. Luckily, none of them seem injured – the tea kettle missed their skin. Taking a half-step towards them, you force yourself to stop. Although you want to help, that might make you seem guilty.

Already, the guilt within you is rising. You felt your magic overpowering you and chose to stay. If a barista had been hurt, it would’ve been your fault.

Turning back, you find Jungkook staring at the mess. He looks similarly shocked, twisting the knife in your gut. If he knew you caused this, he’d look at you that differently.

“You see?” you blurt, and he glances in your direction. “Everyone around me gets hurt. I can’t hurt you, too, Jungkook.”

Shoving open the door, you’re halfway outside when his words reach your ears.

“That’s the thing, Y/N,” he says softly. “You already have.”

The door shuts behind you, and you almost make it home before starting to cry. The skies open again above the city.

“This can’t be a coincidence,” you mutter, staring through the window.

The slightly dilapidated Ramen-rama tables stare back at you until the owner walks past. Catching you standing there, he motions you on.

Somewhat chagrined, you trudge down the sidewalk. Reaching a playground two blocks away, you collapse on a bench and attempt to be rational. Four different interviews. Spread across two different days. Each one ending the exact same.

One crappy interview, even two, and you’d understand. But four crappy interviews in the same way? Something weird is happening. Each interview, you arrived, greeted the owner, answered a few questions, and were thus informed the position was filled.

It wasn’t that you hadn’t gotten a job. It was that your interviewers seemed nervous, staring hard at your resume and never your face. They seemed relieved when you left, as though you were liable to break something for fun.

“Hey. Did you interview this morning at Ramen-rama?”

Startled, you turn and find a stranger beside you.

You don’t recognize him; certainly you’d remember if you met before. Dressed in a Ramen-rama t-shirt, his dark hair is gathered in a bun on his head. His hair makes your chest ache, since Jungkook used to wear his like that.

“Um, yeah,” you say, yanking yourself from your daydreams.

He smiles and nods. “I thought that was you. Listen – I overheard the manager talking this morning on the phone while I was unloading the truck. I think he was talking about you, so I thought I should tell you what I overheard.”

Concerned, you straighten. “Uh, okay. What was he saying?”

“He was talking to your old boss – Pierre? Apparently, he’s calling around and warning people not to hire you. Said that you stole from him, or something. Not sure if it’s the same story for everyone, or if he’s making up shit up in the moment.”

Your jaw nearly drops. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” The guy’s smile turns wry. “I’m assuming none of it’s true. You don’t look like the thieving type, but the boss is running a business, I guess. Can’t be too careful.”

“Right.” You pause, then shake your head. “I didn’t steal, just so you know. A guest was an ass to me, so I dumped water on him – on accident,” you add.

Laughing loudly, the guy clutches his bicycle. “Wow, I’d love to hear that story. Especially the part about it being an accident,” he adds with a wink, sticking out his hand. “I’m Wooyoung.”

“Y/N,” you say as you shake. “So. Pierre is calling people?”

Brow furrowed, Wooyoung pulls back. “Yeah. Sorry I had to tell you like this. Wasn’t sure whether you’d want to know, but figured I should.”

You push yourself to stand. “I do appreciate it. Thanks for telling me.”

“No problem.” Sheepish, he glances down the road. “I should actually get back if I don’t want to lose my job. Delivery,” he explains, nodding towards his bike. “Need the extra income.”

“Makes sense,” you say, forcing a smile. “Good luck.”

Wooyoung nods, then pauses in a way that feels familiar. He’s checking you out, you realize after a moment. Although flattering, it’s instantly followed by a rush of guilt. Wooyoung is cute and in another life, you’d say yes, but in every life, it’s hard not to want Jungkook.

Waving goodbye, Wooyoung climbs onto his bike and takes off. You head in the opposite direction, needing to put distance between you and Ramen-rama. If Pierre is shit-talking you across town, you’ll be hard-pressed to find another job at a restaurant. Owners are notoriously clicky and for how many restaurants there are, there are surprisingly few out of the loop.

Maybe you can ask the coffee shop if they’re hiring. Although you should probably avoid work with water for a bit. This drops your mood, your thoughts turning desperate. You’re so deep in an anxiety spiral, you nearly run into an open door on the sidewalk.

Jerking upright, you stare at faded, golden letters. Creative Courage is spelled in looping cursive over a frosted window. Art supplies fill a display case, while the other is clustered with art of all kinds. You spot sculpture, pottery, painting, and sketches before losing count.

Before you can chicken out, you push open the door.

Stepping in, tiny bells chime to announce your arrival. Soft, ambient light fills the space – a shop that’s two-fold, you realize now that you’re inside. The front sells art supplies while in the back stands a classroom. There’s a class in session now, several artists seated on stools before easels.

“Can I help you?” someone asks, stepping into your path.

Blinking, you focus. “Um, no – thank you! I was just looking.”

“Of course!” The woman beams, reaching up to arrange a clip in magenta hair. “That’s what we’re here for. If you do change your mind, let me know – we’ve got art supplies out front, and classes are held daily in back.”

“Classes?”

“Mhm.” Crossing her arms, the woman nods. “Mostly still life and figure drawing, but we’re hoping to add some more soon. Are you an artist?” she asks, sounding hopeful.

Immediately, you stiffen. “No. At least, not right now.”

Her lips twitch. “Not sure it works like that, unfortunately. Who you are can’t come on and off like a jacket. I like that, though,” she admits with a laugh. “Might borrow it the next time the muses aren’t singing.”

You can’t help but grin. “Exactly.”

Her head tilts, surveying you with unnerving intensity. “My name is Taryn. I co-own this place with my partner, Micah. They’re the one teaching right now.”

“Oh,” you say, somewhat wistful. “That’s nice.”

“Thanks.” Her smile widens. “So, what was your preferred medium? You know, ‘back when’ you were an artist.”

You can’t help but laugh when Taryn lifts her hands to use air quotes. Some people have a way of making you feel included in their jokes, and Taryn is one of them. She teases you in a conspiratorial way, letting you know she understands. People often call art a labor of love, which can be true but more often, it’s a complicated tangle of love, pain and frustration.

“Watercolors,” you admit. “And my name is Y/N.”

Her eyes brighten. “We’ve been meaning to add a watercolor class for ages. Some of our regulars have asked, but Micah and I are both hopeless. Potter,” she explains, gesturing at herself. “And Micah prefers charcoal. Sometimes sculpture.”

“Wow,” you say. “Those are very different.”

“You don’t say.” Taryn laughs. “Micah likes to keep things fresh. What about you? Have you ever taught be– hang on,” she blurts, her eyes going wide. “Did you say that your name is Y/N? As in Y/N Y/L/N?”

Your cheeks heat. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Whirling, Taryn hustles through the front room to duck behind a counter. Digging through several drawers, she pulls out a print to hurry back.

“Is this you?” she demands, thrusting this in your face.

Even cross-eyed and close, you recognize your most popular work. A watercolor series on the majesty and destruction of sea storms. Looking at this makes you feel raw, and so you look up.

“Yep,” you admit. “That’s me.”

Pulling back, Taryn looks at the print reverently. “You’re amazing. Micah was trying to do something similar but couldn’t capture the right feeling.”

Shuffling awkwardly, you shrug. You’ve never felt as though your work deserved acclaim, although it’s nice to know the series resonated with others. One of your favorite aspects of art is how it can be intensely personal but once shared, takes on a universal quality. You find it constantly surprising; how many people seem to share the same burdens.

“Seriously.” Taryn shakes her head wryly. “If you ever wanted to teach a class, let me know. We’d be lucky to have you here.”

“Thank you,” you say, stuffing both hands in your pockets.

You hadn’t realized your desperation was obvious. Or possibly Taryn is just incredibly good at reading others. Truthfully, it’s been a while since you stepped foot in the art world. Even before dating Jungkook, you felt your passion lagging. It’s been a long time since you wanted to connect with your inner voice, although merely the act of being here calls the tide in your blood.

Dangerous.

Recognizing this, you reinforce an inner wall. “I’m sorry,” you repeat. “I’m not really looking for something right now.”

Taryn nods. “Sure. If things change though, just let me know – before next week,” she adds. “We try to publish our class schedule on the first of each month.”

“Will do. Thanks, again.”

“Anytime!” Beaming, Taryn spins to restock the next shelf.

Realizing your conversation is finished, you continue down the next aisle. The shop’s materials are superb, and your fingers are itching to reach out and touch. Reaching the front, you notice a quote painted over the register: Creativity takes courage – Henry Matisse.

You stare at this for a while, unsure why it hurts. Courage isn’t something you’ve thought about in a long time. When you were younger, you pushed people away because it was safe, but now you find yourself wondering who was that for – others? Or yourself?

Maybe the reason you keep yourself separate is because you are afraid people might leave you. Like Katrina. Or Elliot. Or even your dad.

Suppressing magic was hard at the start. Everything about it felt counter-intuitive but you reasoned doing the right thing often took effort. This is what you told yourself, anyways. It made said effort more bearable.

When you first began painting, the relief you felt was immense. After so long spent ignoring your emotions, you found a space to be free. Your series about the sea was oddly therapeutic, working through complicated emotions; your love for the ocean, coupled with fear of its wild beauty. Similar clashes within yourself about magic. And always, always, the desire for more.

For a few hours though, those feelings could be a part of you. Magic could be a part of you, so long as you remained in control – and with brush in hand, you were.

Only now does it occur to you that maybe, this wasn’t healthy. Maybe you shouldn’t feel the need to compartmentalize, as though certain pieces of yourself can only exist in certain spaces.

Tearing your gaze from the words, you exit the shop and gently shut the door. Pulling your jacket tighter, you head down the sidewalk and let your thoughts drift. Jungkook only saw you paint once, but the memory is hard to forget.

You had just started dating, barely past the stage of calling him ‘boyfriend.’ The constant influx of emotion was difficult to manage, and after a few weeks, you were exhausted. Most of your time spent without Jungkook was seated before your canvas. After one particularly frustrating session, you set down your paint to stubbornly stare at the canvas.

A throat cleared from behind.

Startled, you spun and found Jungkook standing there. His gaze moved quickly to yours, but you realized he’d been staring at your half-finished work. Normally, you felt panic at the thought of someone seeing a work in progress. That night though, the look on Jungkook’s face eased your concerns. Awe; pure and clear.

Yanking down giant, over-ear headphones, you hastily stood.

Jungkook lurched forward. “No!” he blurted, only to halt. “I mean – you don’t have to cover the painting. I liked it.”

He seemed flustered, which made you slightly flustered, but you took a slow step sideways. Eager, Jungkook’s gaze traversed the canvas.

Eventually, he looked back. “Sorry about that,” Jungkook said and walked closer. Warm hands found your waist. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“How did you get in?” you laughed, burying your face in his chest.

“Seokjin.” He paused. “Did he not say I was here? I texted you a half hour ago, but you didn’t respond. I figured I’d stop by, and Seokjin said to come up.”

Softening, you made a mental note to chastise Seokjin later. Tightening your arms, you lifted your head and smiled.

“So.” Jungkook glanced over your shoulder. “This is you.”

This sent a thrill down your spine. He spoke as though he’d known you before, but only on a surface level and now, he understood. Jungkook knew your art was part of you, as much as your heart or your soul. You had often felt the same, but never said so out loud.

Magic swelled, and you pushed it back down, but it was difficult. When Jungkook bent his head, you forgot to be scared and let yourself feel. The brush of his lips. The tightening of his hands. The current within you, swelling against your highest walls.

Loudly, someone knocked on the door. Breathless, you jerked backwards and found Seokjin in the door.

“Hey.” He jerked a thumb over one shoulder. “Wanted to let you know our dishwasher broke. Flooded the kitchen.” Pointed, Seokjin looked at you. “Everything is all good, but I’m calling a plumber tomorrow. Carry on.”

In a flurry of embarrassment, you abruptly ended the evening and sent Jungkook home.

Remembering how the night ended, you stifle a groan and walk faster. Once more, you couldn’t control your magic and put Jungkook in danger. Hardly the creative courage Henry Matisse imagined.

You always assumed suppressing your magic was the best choice. But the best choice for who? Certainly not for you, who lives isolated, inert and in fear of yourself. Your dad used to call your magic a gift, but it’s been a long time since you felt that way.

This memory brings with it a sharp stab of pain. Since your dad passed, fear has replaced any joy your magic brought. Fear of falling victim to the same fate he did. Of others’ rejection. Of failing to live up to your father’s example.

You have little doubt that if your dad could see you now, he’d be confused by your actions.

You push others away in the name of saving them. Again, you think of Jungkook and for once you allow it. The entire way home, you wish that he’d call.

He doesn’t though and eventually, you stop hoping.

By Friday, the threads keeping your feelings at bay are nearly worn through. Intrusive thoughts push against fragile bonds, threatening the haven you’ve carefully crafted.

With more force than needed, you toss clothing into the washer. Your usual laundromat was closed, forcing you to walk five blocks to the next one. Sweaty from suddenly sweltering temperatures, your arms sore from the hamper, the situation does nothing to improve an already crappy mood.

Wiping your forehead with one arm, you slam the door and press start. The machine whirs to life, laundry tumbling in a way reminiscent of your inner turmoil. Up, you did the right thing by ending it with Jungkook. He’ll swiftly move on and find someone else. Down – but you don’t want him to find someone else. You want him to find you.

Teeth gritted, you turn and grab your hamper from the floor. Placing this on the washer, you wearily tug your cell phone from your pocket. By the time you walked home, you’d have to come back, leaving you with forty minutes to kill. You could read more of the book you just started. Or submit your resume to a couple of restaurants.

After yesterday’s disaster at Ramen-rama though, the interview process has stalled. Instead, you’ve found yourself thinking more about Creative Courage. For a brief moment, you even walked into the third bedroom to paint.

You immediately walked back out again, but merely the act was more than you’ve done in months. The thought of creation brought mostly panic, since it’d involve you being honest. Something you haven’t been with yourself in a while.

Because if you were honest, you know what you’d find. You would regret breaking up with Jungkook. Maybe even find that, deep down, you want to be selfish. You want to keep dating him, even if Jungkook gets hurt in the end.

After all, you saw what loving an Elemental did to your mom.

Putting down your phone, you scan the laundromat and find your gaze catching on the person in the next aisle.

No. No, no, no – absolutely not.

The universe – or whoever’s writing your story – must be cruel and unusual, since standing beside you is Jungkook. You’d recognize his head anywhere. Straightening from his hamper, Jungkook turns to face you and goes still.

Eyes wide, he seems stunned until someone slams shut their dryer. Both of you jump, breaking eye contact and time seems to reset. Pressing start on his machine, Jungkook grabs his gym bag and hoists it over one shoulder. He strides towards the exit, halfway there when you spring into action.

Dashing towards him, you cut him off at the dryers. Footsteps slowing, Jungkook meets your gaze with visible confusion.

“Sorry,” he says, tugging his gym bag behind him. The thick, grey strap of it cuts across his hoodie. “I was just leaving. I can come back later if you want to finish your load.”

Again, he tries to move past you, but something inside of you snaps. You aren’t sure what possesses you, but somehow, find your hand gripping his sleeve.

Startled, Jungkook stares.

Equally swift, you withdraw. “I, uh…”

Head spinning, all your words seem to fly out the window. Nothing about this was planned. You have no idea what to tell Jungkook besides I’m sorry, and even this would be woefully inadequate without explanation. Which you can’t give.

“You don’t have to leave on my account,” you say at last.

A singular brow lifts. “No? You didn’t seem to think that way on Wednesday.”

You suppress a wince, although you try your best to hide it. “I know,” you admit. “It’s just… this is your usual laundromat. I don’t want you to leave because of me. I wouldn’t even be here, expect the one near me is broken and –”

“Got it,” he interrupts, the words tight. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have to be.”

Swallowing hard, you stare down at your shoes. You know you deserve this, but it’s just so hard to see Jungkook hurting. He deserves to be happy, not wasting his energy on hating you.

“Okay,” you whisper.

Your eyes start to burn, and you squeeze them shut to prevent a reaction. You absolutely cannot cry in front of Jungkook. Not when you’re the one who started this; the very last thing you want him to feel for you is pity.

“Hey.” Something in his tone shifts, and you hear Jungkook step closer. When you open your eyes, he watches you intently. “What’s wrong?”

A tiny fissure within your chest splinters.

Anyone else could have asked those words, and you would have been able to answer. For Jungkook to do so is unthinkable. You’re the one who ruined this. The one who hurt him, who ended this and still, Jungkook is concerned about your well-being.

“I was fired on Sunday,” you say in a rush. “Before I came to see you.”

He blinks only once before his face hardens. “Before you broke up with me, you mean.”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

Running his tongue over the back of his teeth, Jungkook glances away. His expression is taut, and you feel a sharp pang of envy. It’s so easy to read Jungkook. You’ve spent so long hiding your emotions, it strikes you as luxurious how easily he feels.

A muscle in his jaw tics. “Y/N,” Jungkook says, turning back. “What are you doing?”

“What… do you mean?”

Fear spikes your heart, wondering if Jungkook has finally pieced the facts together. Maybe he saw more than you realized at the coffee shop. Maybe he finally knows what you are.

“Why are you… torturing me?” he clarifies, a slight rasp to his voice. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You were fired? That sucks, but it doesn’t make this okay. It doesn’t make us okay,” he adds, gesturing to the air between you.

“I – I know,” you stammer, nearly blurting out something you’ll regret.

Like that you’re an Elemental teetering close to the edge. One who can feel every pipe, every spin cycle within the walls of this laundromat. All of them churning, pulsing, begging for your magic to release the water inside.

“You know?” Jungkook stares at you, incredulous. “Again, Y/N – what do you want from me?”

Since you started talking, you’ve moved several steps closer. Another breath, another reach and you’d be in his arms. Glancing down, you notice how quickly Jungkook’s chest rises and falls.

He’s afraid, you realize. Jungkook’s fear isn’t the same one as yours, though. He isn’t afraid that you’ll see him, but rather that you’ll destroy him.

Realizing this, a barrier within you crumbles. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” you say, somewhat desperate.

“You keep saying that.” Determined, he steps closer and somehow, your hand entwines with his to press against his chest. “You keep saying you don’t want this, but you won’t tell me why. Won’t tell me anything, Y/N – you were fired, and this is the first time I’m hearing it.”

“I couldn’t tell you!” you blurt. “I can’t explain it, Jungkook, but I couldn’t tell you when it happened.”

His gaze sharpens. “Then, yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe we are better off broken up.”

Releasing you, Jungkook brushes past you and heads for the exit. You stare blankly at the wall before you, your whole world caving in as your head starts to spin. Magic seeps beyond your fractured walls, flooding your veins in desperate search for an exit.

“That’s not true,” you protest, spinning around. “I’ve told you more than anyone else in my life, Jungkook. I’ve let you in in ways no one else has.”

Jungkook stiffens at the door, his entire body taut. For a single, long moment, it seems as though he might reconsider but the longer you stand there, the more you watch the fight drain from the lines of his shoulders.

“I don’t doubt that’s true,” he says, hand hovering above the doorknob. “But that’s not the same as letting me in.”

He starts to go.

Everything around you becomes white noise.

When you were ten, you passed a famous dam on one of your cross-country moves. Your mom took you to see it, swinging your hand while entering the viewing platform.

The moment you saw it, you went wholly still. Trillions of gallons of water, trapped behind concrete, constantly pushing but unable to break. It felt like your magic. Raw, untamed power contained by a solid wall. You stared for longer than any other visitor, until your mom pulled your arm and said you should leave.

The entire way to the car, your mom was silent and once you were buckled in, she twisted around to see you. “Listen to me, Y/N,” she said, her voice serious. “That dam will only work if the wall holds. If the wall breaks, do you know what happens?”

Silent, you shook your head.

“The water will flood the whole valley. Everyone in its path, all the forest – they’d be gone. The wall can’t break, or bad things happen. Do you understand me?”

Solemn, you nodded because even then, you understood. Although your magical dam was intangible, it held equal importance. You had to hold in the magic, otherwise bad things would happen. So long as the wall was in place, you were safe.

Now though, you squeeze your eyes tightly as the wall starts to crumble.

Emotions break with the force of a tidal wave, racing ahead and drowning all in its path. Memories you thought were long buried continue to rise, crushing you further. Your walls are destroyed in a matter of seconds.

You remember your dad, kissing you on the head before leaving the house. Katrina’s stricken expression when the door shut in her face. Jungkook, asking you what he’d done wrong again.

Each memory drags you under, and you shudder against the onslaught. It takes everything you have to remain standing while your restraint dissolves.

Hands grip your arms.

Surprised, your eyes fly open to find Jungkook before you. His neck muscles strain, yelling to be heard over thundering water. You try your best to focus, to rein your magic back in – only to realize with horror, it might be too late.

The laundromat around you is in chaos. Several ceiling pipes have burst, water crashing down in torrents of water. Already, waves lap at your ankles. Noise filters back in, flickering before solidifying to something substantial.

People are screaming, abandoning their hampers in an attempt to get out. The door has stuck though, unable to open under the onslaught of water. Jungkook yells again, and this time you hear him.

“Are you okay?” he bellows, close to your face.

You stare upward, stupefied. Another pipe bursts, and you think that was you, but it’s hard to be sure. Hard to understand which parts are in control and which parts are not. What particular emotion is holding the reins at any moment.

Determination replaces fear in his face, and Jungkook bends before you have time to blink. In an instant, you’re tossed over his shoulder. A yelp escapes, upside-down but he’s already wading through the aisle of washers.

Jungkook shouts at people to move, but no one is listening. After a moment, you feel him exhale and surge forward. Although you can’t see, the people seem to be moving, so Jungkook must appear confident.

Grasping the door, he pulls on it, hard. Nothing happens. Exhaling, Jungkook grips your waist tighter and mutters, “Hold on.”

You don’t have time to ask why, since he yanks harder and the entire frame shudders. Jungkook does this again and another pipe bursts, drawing your gaze. By the time you look back, the door has budged an inch and water is pouring out. With a final wrench, Jungkook yanks open the door.

People shove past him, rushing into the street with the tide of water. Spinning around, Jungkook shields you with his frame from the wet crush of bodies. His grip never wavers, feet anchored to the ground as though they’ve rocks themselves.

With each breath, your pulse slows until finally, you locate the faint threads of magic. Before, you felt too much at once. The crush was overwhelming but now, you manage to breach the surface. For the first time, you see your panic influencing the tide.

Realizing this, you reach inward and try to – turn. With great effort, you identify the source of your power and disconnect. Water in the ceiling slows to a trickle, and then, nothing.

Exhaling against your neck, Jungkook’s hand moves lower.

You can’t help but shiver. “Jungkook?” you murmur into his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Could you… you know, set me down?”

“Oh.”

Somewhat sheepish, Jungkook lowers you to face him. He doesn’t step away, and neither do you. If this is the last time you see him, you want to be selfish and make it as long as possible.

He stares back at you, waterdrops caught between his lashes. In the background, water continues to drip from a pipe. The soft plink-plink echoes the thud of your heart.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Jungkook’s hands remain on your waist, his touch scrambling all semblance of sanity. You aren’t sure how to answer without being honest.

Truthfully, you’re not okay.

An okay person wouldn’t break up with their boyfriend and then, six days later throw themselves in their path. An okay person wouldn’t be hiding their magic, they wouldn’t be lying to the person they love and most of all, wouldn’t continue to place that same person in danger.

Silent, you survey the aftermath of your outburst. Deep down, your magic itches in response to your panic. Seeping outward, it seeks to mold to the fear, but you manage to stop it. Something about the wall being gone makes your power less alien. No longer an unknown variable, but a constant.

“No,” you exhale. Steeling yourself, you take a step backwards. “No, Jungkook, I’m not okay. I… this is exactly why you should stay away from me. Bad things happen, and I can’t control them. I’m so sorry.”

Again, you brace yourself for his anger, but it never comes. Jungkook is unusually quiet, head cocked to one side. He sees right through you, a sensation unnerving enough that you drop your gaze.

“I should go,” you repeat, stepping around him. Reaching your washer, you hastily unload your soggy clothing. “I have to go.”

Jungkook says nothing, although you feel his gaze on the back of your head. Hefting your hamper, you slam the door shut, and turn. The water level at your ankles has dropped, no more than a centimeter remaining in the room.

Sirens wail in the distance, likely on their way to investigate. Your stomach lurches, recognizing the cost of your magic. As soon as possible, you should reach out to Seokjin. His company might be able to cover the damage if the laundromat can’t.

Nearing the exit, you look anywhere but at Jungkook’s face. “I’m sorry,” you repeat, unsure what else to say. “Really, I am.”

Again, he lets you move past. Water rushes out when you open the door, seeking the street, then the gutter. Hurrying past, you can’t shake the feeling something has changed.

Not only with you and Jungkook, but with you and your magic. Silent, you prod the place deep within from which your magic stems. You’re used to a wall, feeling closed off but now, it seems your mom was right.

Once shattered, the dam can’t be rebuilt.

A weightlessness accompanies this that you didn’t anticipate. Despite the terror of your outburst, there was a moment near the end when you stopped it. When you felt what was wrong and controlled your outburst of magic. You haven’t done that before.

The thought is followed by regret, remembering Jungkook. When you broke up, it was supposed to save him. Instead, you’ve only put him – and yourself – in greater danger. Maybe because you’ve continued to see him. Everything would be fine if you moved or kept your distance.

But then, another part of you wonders if you were wrong from the start. Maybe instead of providing distance, you should have come closer. Should have allowed Jungkook to decide whether he wanted to stay. After all, today, he experienced the worst of your powers, and he didn’t run. If anything, he moved closer.

Suddenly exhausted, you hail a cab. The driver grumbles at your wet clothes but allows you inside, and you tip him extra upon reaching your place. What you should do is find another laundromat and finish your load, but there’s an itch in your fingers you haven’t felt in some time.

Dropping your hamper at the door, you shutter yourself within the third bedroom. Not allowing yourself to second-guess, you sit down at your easel and pick up a brush.

For the first time in a long time, you allow the magic to flow. You paint.

 © kpopfanfictrash, 2023. Do not copy or repost without permission.

Author’s Note: thank you for reading so far! Continued in Part II, here.

[zegrasdrysdale]

matthew knies smut — losing ur v card to him

[ helping hand ] m. knies

paring : Matthew Knies x fem!reader

summary : Matthew helps his best friend out after she asks him to take her virginity

warning(s) : smut ! loss of virginity, virgin!reader, light dirty talk, slight hair pulling (blink and you'll miss it tbh) oral (f receiving), fingering, p in v, protected sex, use of pet names during sex (pretty girl, baby, etc.), multiple orgasms

author’s note : felt like writing something cute so i decided to tackle this request and make it as cute as i could. this is my first time writing for kniesy so if it’s bad then pls tell me lol

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Being a 20-year-old virgin sucks. Every time she tries to hook up with a guy, she blurts out that she’s “never done this before” and it scares him away. Needless to say, she is getting very tired of being a virgin. She's loves sex, but she's never gone all the way with a guy.

Tonight was just another reminder that she's never been fucked. She thought that after her date, he'd take her back to his apartment and she'd finally lose her virginity. Then he said that his mom was going to be home soon just as things started getting heated, right after she had said that she's never gone all the way.

It's a tiring pattern.

She's frustrated, and frustration means stomping up to her longtime best friend's Toronto apartment a little before eleven. She pounds her fist on Matthew's door then waits. There are light footsteps behind the door before it's pulled open.

Matthew looks like he just woke up, and she feels bad. His Toronto hockey shirt is a little wrinkled and he's wearing sweats. His hair is a complete disaster. "Did I wake you?" she questions.

He yawns, but shakes his head no. "I was just closing my eyes," he tells her. "I thought you were out on a date or something. Why are you here?"

"You'll never guess what happened," she sighs as she walks past him into his apartment. "I did it again."

Matthew laughs and shuts the door behind her. "You need to stop," he comments. "You're never going to lose it if you keep telling guys that you haven't gone all the way. You're twenty."

"I know!" she groans as she plops down onto his couch. "It's like a get scared or something and it just comes out. I wish I could just get it over with and then it won't come out."

He sits beside her and she looks up at him. "Don't rush it," he tells her. "It's not all that anyway. Just wait until you find someone you trust and genuinely like."

A light bulb flicks on in her head. She sits up and turns her body to face Matthew. "Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Sleep with me so I'm not a virgin anymore," she finishes. He raises his eyebrows and looks like he's about to object. "I mean, I trust you with everything I have. You're my best friend. You're not bad looking. I've known you for years, Matthew. I'd be okay if you did this for me. It wouldn't change anything with us."

Matthew thinks about it. She knows by the way he sighs and runs his fingers through his messy hair. "You're sure about this?" he questions. "Because I don't want to do this then-"

She rolls his eyes in frustration and cups his jaw. She pulls him into a kiss, and it surprises her when she feels her heart beat out of her chest when her lips meet his. Even Matthew is thrown off by the kiss. He immediately pulls back. She drops her hands to her lap.

"I'm not going to regret it, Matt," she tells him as her eyes meet his. Have his eyes always been this pretty and blue? She's never been this close to see how blue they are. "I promise. It might bring us closer as friends if we do this. I'm not going to stop being your friend because you slept with me."

He still doesn't seem very convinced. "This is going to change us," he tells her. "No matter what. I just want both of us to be ready for that."

With a nod, her eyes flicker down to his lips for a second before returning to his eyes. "I know," she replies. "Just ... please. I'll never ask you for anything ever again if you do this for me."

Matthew searches her face for any signs that she doesn't want this. He won't find any. If she's going to lose her virginity to anyone, she wouldn't mind losing it to her best friend. She wants this.

He doesn't say "okay" or anything like that. All he does is grab her chin between his thumb and pointer finger. "If this is what you really want then I'll do it," he says to her, voice slightly higher than a whisper.

"I really want this," she confirms. "Seriously."

His eyes drop to her lips before he leans in and gently presses his lips to hers, and her eyes flutter shut. Her heart beats out of her chest with how soft and gently he kisses her.

The kisses don't immediately turn heated and needy. Matthew makes sure of that. When they do though, she climbs onto his lap in the red minidress that she's wearing. She straddles his thighs and wraps her arms loosely around his neck. Matthew's hands drop to the bare skin on her thighs.

Her heels clatter to the carpeted floor beneath them with a thud. Her fingers find a home and curl in his locks. She tugs gently and a soft noise comes from Matthew. She smiles into the kiss that follows and tucks this piece of information away for later.

She traps his bottom lip between her teeth and pulls back. She watches it snap back into place. Matthew looks up at her and she sees that his eyes have darkened a bit. There's a dark fire between them and she can tell he's trying to hold himself back.

"Pretend it's not me," she tells him as her hands drag down his neck and chest until they come to a rest on his torso. She play with the hem of his t-shirt. "I can tell, Matt. You're holding back because it's me."

Matthew shakes his head. "I'm holding back because I want to do this right," he replies. "It's not because it's you. I want to make sure that it's perfect for you."

"Then don't hold back," she whispers to him as she attaches her lips to his jaw right under his ear. "It'll be perfect no matter what."

A shaky sigh passes Matthew's kiss-bruised lips. He kisses the swell of her ear and she keeps working at his jaw.

Before she realizes what's happening, Matthew slides his hands to the back of her thighs and stands up. She wraps her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "It's insane how easily you were able to just pick me up like that," she comments.

"I work out everyday," Matthew replies as he makes his way down the hallway to his bedroom. "Sometimes twice a day. I lay hits on grown men that weigh as much as I do or heavier for a living. I hope that I can lift someone up that is nearly a foot shorter than me and weighs less than what I bench."

She can't contain the giggle that rises in her throat as he crosses the threshold into his room. "That's kind of hot of you, Matt," she admits. "I mean, I don't know how you're single when you bench more than I weigh."

He kicks the door shut behind him and gently sets her down so she's flat on her feet. She sees the flush in his cheeks despite the dimly lit room. She smiles and gets on her tiptoes to instigate another kiss. Matthew has to lean down to kiss her because of the heigh difference between them. His hands rest on her cheeks and she rests against the door.

They stand there for what feels like an eternity. She's almost certain that the lace panties she has on under the dress are ruined. She hasn't be able to stop thinking about Matthew's fingers on her thighs while they were in the couch, not to mention the fact that he was able to pick her up with almost no effort.

Her fingers curl around the hem of his t-shirt and she pulls at it. "Off," she mumbles against his lips. "Matt, please. Off."

The kiss breaks and Matthew reaches down to pull the fabric over his head. Her eyes rake his body and it's very obvious that he works out every day. Her fingers trace his abs and she bites her bottom lip.

Okay, maybe he's more attractive than she's let herself admit. She's never really allowed herself to look at him like this. She's never let herself admire him like this.

Matthew hooks his fingers under the very thin straps that sit on her shoulders. She looks up at him and notices how focused he is on his actions. He pulls the straps off her shoulders and lets the dress fall so it pools at her ankles. She's in her strapless bra and matching panties. She notices Matthew's eyes drink her in.

She puts her hands on his chest and gently pushes him in the direction of his bed. She kicks the dress off so she can follow him. As soon as Matthew sits back on the bed, she crawls onto his lap. Her knees bracket his thighs. She leans in and ravishes his mouth with hers. One of his hands finds its way to her curls and he holds the back of her head so she can’t break the heated kiss.

Without realizing she does it, she rolls her hips against his. He hums and his other hand comes down on her bare waist.

A surge of confidence overcomes her and she reaches behind her. She unhooks her bra and lets the red lace fall between them. She tosses it somewhere at the same time Matthew breaks the kiss.

Her entire body shakes with nerves.

It’s just Matthew. They’ve been friends since his first year at Minnesota. Best friends since his sophomore year. She visited him earlier in the season and fell in love with Canada so she moved into an apartment down the street from him.

She can do this.

Matthew lifts her head up and says, “I’ve got you. Okay? I have you. Whatever you want.”

“I want you,” she tells him. “Please. I need you.”

He moves back on the bed and flips them over so he hovers over her. Her curls create a halo around her head. Matthew thumbs her swollen lips and trails it down over her chin, over her chest, between her breasts, and down her stomach until his fingers rest at the waistband of her panties. Goosebumps follow his fingers down her upper body.

She can feel the bulge in his pants so she bucks her hips up to grind her clothed core against the bulge. “Shit,” he gasps. “You can’t just do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll come before either of us are ready.”

She lets out a light laugh. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?” she teases.

“Shut up,” he mumbles before shutting her up himself with a deep kiss. She smiles and hooks her fingers into the waistband of his sweatpants.

She pushes his sweatpants down and over his ass. He helps her out and kicks them off.

When she tries to put her hand in his boxers, Matthew stops her. He breaks the kiss and shakes his head. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right. I’m going to make sure you feel good and make sure you’re comfortable, okay?” he says to her.

“Okay,” she replies, voice barely above a whisper.

With her permission, Matthew hooks his fingers in the waistband of her panties and slowly pulls the thin fabric off her body. He tosses them to the floor and she lets her knees fall open.

Matthew attaches his lips to her jaw, then slowly trails his lips down her body. He makes a quick stop when he gets to her breasts. He gives each one a little attention and she lets out a soft noise. She bites her lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises.

He lies on his stomach and throws her legs over his broad shoulders. She watches as he presses soft kisses to her leg trailing from her inner knee and up her inner thigh. He stops right before he gets to her core.

“Already so wet for me,” he comments. She nods and grabs a pillow to rest her head on so she doesn’t get a crick in her neck.

That’s when Matthew slides a finger through her soaked folds. A whine passes her lips and she looks down at him with her eyes. He teases her entrance and she gasps, “I- Matthew. Don’t tease please. Do something.”

“Didn’t think you were a begger, pretty girl,” he replies. She shoots him a glare and he laughs.

She’s about to say something to him when he wraps his lips around her clit. “Oh my- fuck” is what comes out of her mouth instead. Matthew hums and sends vibrations through her entire body. He slowly pushes a finger into her and her back arches off the bed.

Matthew’s free hand slides up her body and cups one of her tits. She didn’t pick Matthew to be a boob guy, but today is full of surprises.

Soft pants pass her lips as Matthew keeps using his mouth and fingers to bring her closer to an orgasm. He adds a second finger and her hands fly to his hair. Her breathing has gotten extremely labored and soft noises consistently pass her lips.

He’s so careful with his movements, so precise. He knows what he’s doing, and she’s not at all surprised that he does. She didn’t realize just how much he knew. Despite never actually hooking up before, it’s like he knows her entire body and what she likes.

Once a third finger is inside of her, Matthew curls his fingers in a “come here” motion. She gasps and a knot forms in the pit of her stomach. “Matt,” she groans. “I- Matthew.”

“Let me hear you,” he tells her. “Wanna hear you when you come on my fingers. Can you do do that for me?”

She nods and hums. “Yeah,” she breathes out.

“Go ahead, pretty girl,” Matthew says. “Come for me. I can feel how close you are.”

His lips are back on her clit and she’s coming seconds later.

Her back arches off the mattress as her walls clench around his fingers. Her body turns into jelly as he fingers her through what’s probably the strongest orgasm she’s ever had. She swears she blacks out.

Her breathing is extremely labored as Matthew withdraws his fingers. She whimpers at the loss and watches him crawl up her body when her vision comes back. He smiles when he sees how out of it she probably looks.

Matthew peppers her cheek with soft kisses as she comes to.

“You okay?” he asks. “Can you do one more?”

“Mhm,” she hums. “Want you inside me, Matt. Please. I need you.”

He captures her lips in a soft kiss and she groans when she tastes herself on his lips.

It’s a very quick kiss. Matthew reaches over into his bedside drawer and pulls out a tiny foil package. He puts it between his teeth as he pushes his boxers off his body. She bites her lip as Matthew’s dick pops out of the confines of the boxers.

She accidentally saw his dick one time before now, and it looked nothing like it does right now. “Jesus, Matt,” she gasps. “Is it gonna fit?”

Matthew laughs and slides the condom onto his dick. “I promise it’ll fit,” he tells her.

He hover over her between her legs. The tip of his dick lines up with her entrance and she shakes. Her heart races in her chest and she stares up at the pretty boy above her. “Slow,” she tells him. “Okay? I don’t know-”

“Tell me if you need me to stop or if it hurts,” he interrupts. “I’ll move at your pace, okay? I have you.”

She nods. “Go.”

Matthew slowly pushes into her. She gasps as the unfamiliar stretch and grasps onto his biceps. The deeper he goes, the more it hurts. She pushes through though and pain eventually turns into pleasure.

He moves so slow though that it’s almost painful. She wants him to ruin her but she wants to be able to walk in the morning. Whatever that will look like.

She reaches up and slides her hair into Matthew’s hair. His eyes lock with her as he bottoms out in her. Her lips are pressed in a line. “Okay?” he asks.

With a nod, she says, “I’m okay. Give me a second. You’re fucking big, Matt. Damn.”

He laughs. “That’s not my fault,” he replies. “Most women I hook up with like it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it, asshole,” she retorts. “I said I needed a second.”

Matthew laughs again and she pulls him down into a kiss to shut him up. He licks into her mouth and she groans.

Feeling ready, she rolls her hips. One of Matthew’s hands rests on her waist and he meets her movements.

It’s slow, but it feels good. He slowly but deeply thrusts into her. She moans into Matthew’s mouth and he swallows every noise. Her hands slide from his hair to his back. She gently digs her nails into his skin.

He speeds his movements up a bit and she throws her head back against the pillows. “Fuck,” she gasps. “God. Matt.”

“Okay, baby?” he asks. “Good to keep going?”

She nods. “Like you mean it,” she pants. Matthew’s smile reaches his ears.

Matthew throws one of her legs over his shoulder and is able to move deeper into her at the new angle. She cries out his name and he attaches his lips to her neck. He’s covering her entire body at this point. It’s not only his dick that’s big. Matthew himself is a bigger guy.

He slows his movements but continues to bury his cock in her. The knot forms again in the pit of her stomach.

“Matt, I-”

“Me too,” he interrupts. “This is about you. I’m not gonna come until you come on my cock, pretty girl.”

She feels tears in her eyes as she tries to keep herself from coming. It feels too good and she doesn’t want it to end yet.

Especially since this is probably the first and last time she gets this from Matthew. She wants it to last.

Matthew slides a hand between them and as soon as his fingers find her clit again, she comes.

His name is on her lips as he fucks her through what is definitely the strongest orgasm of her life. Her entire body shudders as she comes. Her vision goes white for a hot second and she completely melts against the mattress beneath her. Her legs fall to the bed.

He comes into the condom before he pulls out of her. They’re both panting messes as he ties off the condom and throws it out. She very lazily crawls under the covers and Matthew joins her.

There’s a comfortable silence between them as they both recover from their highs. She finally gains feeling back in all her extremities and looks over at him.

“Thank you,” she weakly says.

“For?”

“Doing that for me. It was fun. I enjoyed it.”

Matthew sits up in bed and leans back against the headboard just as she went to curl up next to him. “I should’ve said something before we did that,” he admits to her.

She sits up and holds the blankets under her arms to keep herself covered. “What?”

He bites his kiss-bruised bottom lip for a second. “I have feelings for you,” he confesses. “Genuine feelings for you and I feel guilty for saying yes before telling you that.”

A day full of surprises.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel the same. There is a reason she asked him of all her friends to do this for her. She’s always known he was attractive, a genuine guy and an incredible hockey player.

She’s damn lucky that Matthew agreed to have sex with her.

Matthew looks terrified. She smiles and drops her head to his shoulder. “You should see the look on your face,” she laughs.

“I’m being serious,” he tells her.

“I know,” she replies. Her chin rests on his shoulder. “I like you too. Why do you think I asked you to do this and not someone else?”

He blinks. “I thought you were just tired of being a twenty year old virgin,” he flatly states.

“There was that but I wanted it to be you,” she admits. “I guess I was just shooting my shot.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Matthew laughs.

She crawls onto his lap and lays on him. “When do I get one of those cool jackets the wives and girlfriends have?”

“You want one?”

“I do,” she tells him as she looks up at him. “Is that okay? If I got one?”

Matthew smiles and nods. “I’ll get you one.”

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

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[carlostck]

SPOILERS! (ninjago dragons rising season 2 part 2)

I'm crying why did she grab him??? And he doesn't even resist

Also, I LOVE how they go about Arin's "betrayal" Arin doesn't like him, he doesn't want to be on his side... He just wants what Ras can give him

Very confused about the "Wu caused the merge" thing because I feel like it's more of caused-it-due-to-not-stopping-it situation rather than directly causing it? Especially because Wu was actively trying to prevent it from happening, as shown on a few occasions

In addition to that, love how Cole is shown in the series so far, just wish we got a little more of him. I know they aren't the main characters anymore but he's the mom friend and they all need more of that lol Geo and him running to the museum together is so cute awgh

Liking how this is going, the Ras situation is curious in that it seems like he was attempting to avenge his people by "controlling" the forbidden five (moreso attempted to)

The only thing I didn't like about season 2 part 2 is how they went about the Jay situation? Something about it felt off or wrong, can't place a finger on it though... I may just be stupid and it may only be me, but felt funny; like it wasn't right??

Now, questions on my mind since this has raised some: If Lloyd hadn't been disqualified for being injured in a fight (lame rule by the way, he seemed fine <3), then would he have won? And if he did, he would have to fight Sora, but I'm more curious about what Nokt would have done about it Why did Lloyd's eyes stay green after losing his power? Is it not completely lost, just limited? 'Cause Cole was still able to control the rocks due to the assistance of the elemental energy in his mother's mech, meaning they still have the connection... Which would make sense, considering all the "got my powers back" instances Oh, also they called his power "life," which I find interesting because one would assume that the Tournament of Sources would have the correct name for his power! Curious what else Lloyd can do, since I don't think he's ever really reached his true potential? (I know people consider him becoming the Golden Spinjiztu master it but that doesn't make much sense to me) When Zeatrix attacked Lloyd with the sword, was that supposed to be her literally cutting through his side? They're legos so it kinda just looked like she whacked him with a long stick, lol

Euggh I cannot wait for more I love Sora and Lloyd's relationship. Also when she said "If he (Arin) even wants to be found" I lost it because I immediately thought of Morro oops Wyldfyre sleeping with Riyu, awjwaah... I was slightly sad when we didn't get much of her and Riyu at the beginning (since the relationship just makes sense), but those little things are great I also love Frak (however you spell it) and I hope he doesn't just disappear after that

Still want to see Lloyd go ape shit please elpase pleasesplease pelasep palesepelase pleaseee

[mylahrins]

forget-me-nots, 03.

dear y/n,

i feel like i’ve told you this a million times already, but thank you so much for the flowers. kiyoko truly loves them, i haven’t seen her smile so brightly in a while! it was nice spending time with you after school. i can see all the effort and care you put into your club, it is truly admirable. when inter-high is over i’ll make sure to visit you more often.

you asked me the other day what it was like to be part of the volleyball club. at the time i couldn’t come up with an answer. to tell you the truth, i’m not too sure anymore. lately, i haven’t really felt like a member at all. with the new first years, i feel like i’m miles behind them when it comes to skill and talent. i want to be of use to the team, but right now i’m not much more than a cheerleader. despite all the faith i have in them, i cannot stop the feeling of envy i get when i see everyone play. i want to play volleyball with them too. perhaps that is selfish. please don’t tell anyone about this, it’s a bit embarrassing.

i don’t think i asked you enough questions about yourself. i’m sure i did more answering than asking. you probably get this question a lot, but do you have a favorite flower? i don’t know too much about flowers, but i’d be happy to learn. i only really know about peonies, the bright pink ones. we have a few peony shrubs in our backyard, my mom has been taking good care of them since i was young. do you like peonies? i’ll bring you some if you don’t grow them already. even if you do grow them, i’d be happy to lend you some just for having.

i should have asked you when we met the other day, but do you mind if we keep exchanging letters? i know that it’s kind of “old school” but i find it quite relaxing, also i had fun reading your response. you’re a very fun person to talk to, and i’d like to talk to you more (in person and letter form). though, it might be weird if we keep having tanaka deliver our letters. i’ll try to come up with a better solution , i promise!

have a lovely day, sugawara

about the flowers!

➤ pink peonies: pink peonies are very diverse when it comes to symbolism, from prosperity to passion to even love! when researching about peonies, i found it interesting in how the shade of pink can change the meaning of the flower. light pink peonies are associated with romance and good fortune, while deeper/hot pink peonies convey passion as well as radiance and joy. a bouquet of pink peonies doesn't have to be romantic, but if it is, it can symbolize things like young love, first love, and/or love at first sight!

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a/n: ahhhh!!! im so happy to see ppl liking forget-me-nots already :)) tbh i made myself a bit sad when writing for sugawara here LOL much more sad stuff to come.. but trust me when i say i have lots of sweet things planned as well!! also, this is the official start of their friendship!! woohoo! mwuahaha i'm so excited to share more of their story.

taglist: @yenonnoff @softpia @ryeyeyer @shoyosh @wqnsho @wyrcan @hisfuture @guitarstringed-scars @froyaoya

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[eruminx]

what kinds of gifts i think the adult trio would like

since gift-giving season is coming up thought id write something cute for my first post

H I S O K A:

he's not picky

a gift from you is attention, and he loves attention

would really like extreme gifts

like stuff that's so over-the-top and creative

would also like it if it was super something, like super cute, or super creepy, or super gross

would be over the moon if you gave him his favorite gum, or some sort of portrait of him

if you were to give him something super personal, he'd pretend he's not bothered but it would eat at him

simply because that's means you were able to pry yourself into his heart enough to know sensitive stuff about him

but he kinda likes to feel weak... although he would never say that to you directly

he would notice if it was handmade, but wouldn't appreciate it any more or any less

adores christmas, not because he cares, he just likes how extreme and passionate people are about it (and also likes receiving gifts)

loves secret santa

I L L U M I:

isn't capable of being picky

the only gifts he's ever received were weapons from his family to complete missions

would probably be confused the first time you give him a gift

"what's this? why are you giving me this? is it a weapon? i told you i don't need anymore weapons."

wouldn't tell you but he would like something cute and subtle

preferably something cat related

likes socks as gifts, he thinks they are very versatile

if you gift him a weapon he would say thank you quietly and throw it into the Zoldyck weapon basement

but if you two are in a relationship he would use it all the time just to be reminded of you

doesn't like tacky things, he likes everything to be high quality

if you gave him a super personal gift he'd be taken aback

it would bother him SO. MUCH.

he would get kinda pissy about it because close relationships "hold him back" and "distract" him from his missions

would be like

"how do you know this?? who told you this?? did you talk to my mom?? i told you not to talk to her without my permission."

wouldn't really notice if it was handmade, and even if he did he wouldn't really care as long as it's high quality

never really practiced traditional christmas with his family so he doesn't really care for it

but he does like the pretty lights and a nice warm fireplace

C H R O L L O:

wouldn't admit it but he's pretty picky

he has many very specific interests so he would imagine you have a lot of options

if you got him some kind of old book he's never heard of before he'd be super intrigued and grateful

or if you got him something ancient and fragile, he would love it and would take amazing care of it. especially if he's never seen anything like it before

and if you got him something generic he'd be like "oh! thank you." but he wouldn't really care for it and might forget about it

would want something that fits his aesthetic

would ask if you stole the gift lol

if you gave him something super personal he'd also be quite surprised

it would bother him a bit but then he would remind himself that it was his own doing and entirely his fault

he would actually be super sentimental about it, especially if it was something small he said in passing that you remembered

he would treasure it if it was handmade, he's the kind of person to look at an object's aura so he would know instantly just how hard you worked on it

he pretends he doesn't really care for christmas but he actually really does

he loves how much bonding is involved, and as a child he always longed for a traditional christmas

he kinda loves everything about it tho

Thank you for reading! Please do not repost this anywhere without my permission. Hope you enjoyed <3 - eru <3

[ju-vondy]

A special invitation for Jason girlies who love to read...

I'm really thrilled to announce I finally got the A03 invitation and started uploading my fanfiction there! I want to invite you to read and leave your opinion please *shaking in nervousism language*

I couldn't help myself and uploaded 7 chapters already. I'm kinda afraid you guys may not like it, LOL, therefore I decided to put some thoughts about the protagonists here and if you do not identify with my way/pov of seeing them I strongly recommend that you don't read the fanfic because you will hate it.

Let's go?!

♏ JASON: I don't think he's THAT bad. I like to think that this "strong" personality of him is just a mask he puts on because he doesn't like/want to show people that, deep down... He's a vulnerable human being.

You know those Pitbull dogs? They're very gentle breed, but because of their size people think they're aggressive! I believe Jason is exactly like that: from afar, it seems like he's going to bite you... But if you just get close tender and gentle and pet his belly, he'll roll over asking for more love. (lmao)

I also like to think that Jason wasn't always so tough like this. In my head, at some point in his life... He was the kid who was bullied — not the one who bullied. So that's why he's like this today, a bit scatterbrained and cruel.

(Bullying victim 🤝🏻 Vowing to do worse to others when grown up)

I believe that CEO Jason is totally different from Family-Son-Brother Jason. (Yes, I think he has a younger brother*¹) We all act differently when we're at work VS with friends VS family, so why not, right?

It'll be so beautiful to see Candy breaking down all the barriers he built around his inner child MUHAHAHAHA this is so cliché, but I love it!

Headcanons facts I keep in my mind for him:

He was bullied throughout his entire pre-adolescence for being skinny, and also for the white streaks of hair on the sides of his head;

The tattoo on his arm is to cover a scar.

He started taking boxing lessons at 17 because he was tired of getting beaten up by classmates who teased him for being skinny.

He knows how to play the piano and appreciates Operas.

He speaks 4 languages.

He holds a degree in finance, with a specialization in public relations, and has an MBA in administration.

He enjoys a bit of BDSM, yes.

¹* the younger brother is the only person who makes Jason be, like, GOOD. Jason acts totally different when he's around his brother... As if he wants to set an example, you know? Now let's move on to...

♓ CANDY : A tender young woman who, after getting into trouble with Ioan, doesn't want anything to do with mixing work and romance anymore. She doesn't want anything to do with spoiled boys anymore and vowed to put them in their place if she ever came across one again. Sometimes she misses having someone to fulfill her desires, but being a one-night stand for someone is out of the question for her.

She hates casual encounters and wants to find someone for a true, deep and lasting connection. She's firm in her principles, but sometimes she doubts what to do. She constantly follows her heart instead of reason, and she knows she has to stop this stupid habit if she doesn't want to get hurt again.

She's kind, charismatic, and has a big sense of humor. She doesn't back down from Jason's provocations and responds to him in "style"! She's convicted

In the game, she's Ysaline, but for this fanfic, I'll use my OC, Candy who is a redhead and white just because yes ;-;

Headcanons about her:

When she was a child, she hated her name and insisted that everyone must call her "Mandy"

She knows how to speak 4 languages, including sign language.

She likes to sing.

She loves to draw.

Her mom has Latin origins.

She went to college when she was only eighteen years old.

She graduated in advertising, completed a postgraduate degree in information management, and later pursued a specialization in crisis management. She has an MBA in digital marketing. The girl LOVES to study and learn new thing lol (Latin families are kind of strict with that)

She is afraid of heights.

Now... Let's go to the context I imagined for the story. That is: some headcanon facts that I wanted to add to their past to make everything make more sense.

• Jason and Candy studied together, but they don't remember. (fact which will be explored around by the Chapter 10+-)

—> Jason used to tease Candy during class: he would take her pencil case and run away... Tie her shoelaces to the chair leg without her noticing... Tangle her hair, etc. (thinking they had a cat-and-mouse dynamic since childhood makes the whole thing funnier, hahaha)

• Their families were close when they were kids, but a tragedy happened and they lost contact.

—> Jason's father and Candy's father were on a small business trip when their car was brutally hit by a truck. Jason was with them, got seriously injured, and his forearm got a terrible scar (hence his tattoo).

—> Candy's father died instantly. Jason's father is in a coma till nowadays.

—> After the accident, Candy's mother (named Edith Beaumont, not Zahra Dolga) moved with her daughters back to their home country, getting closer to her parents again. Only years later did she return to Amoris, but she never bothered to look for the Mendals to reconnect.

• Everything Jason built was thinking of his father. How satisfied he would be when he woke up from the coma and found out that Jason had been successful as he had always planned... (fact will be explored by the Chapter 20+-)

—> After his father fell into a coma, Jason's uncle named Viktor - the vice-president in the time - took over the company leadership, and Jason had been groomed since childhood to work there. Eventually, Viktor's hunger for power got to his head, and he refused to integrate Jason into the board (after he graduated from college) using the excuse of his poor behavior. From then on, Jason was like, "Oh, so they think I'm the villain? Then I'll be the villain! I don't need this selfish family for anything SCREW THEM UP" and left his father's company only to invest in his own dream.

⚠️🚨SMUT WARNING 🚨⚠️

This fanfiction starts with fire already (but if it slow down after that). So, if you are the kind that don't like smut scenes... Well, good luck reading it. I tried to do something easy so everyone with all tastes could read but... Softness is not something I expect from JasonXCandy. So if you do not have experience with sex scenes maybe you'll find it... weird?

I don't know if you'll get it: I had to start right away with the tension between them finally blowing up. After all, isn't that what we want to see? All hell breaking loose? I'm a sassy reader/player. Of course I want CHAOS. There was no other way: whenever I thought about their story, I got bored having to tell everything from the beginning so my mind just said, '"Nah, start narrating 6 months after the start of the game (MCL) and it's all good. Start telling their story by the point they finally can't help and spend a night together*silence* *considering* But what if people don't lik- *sigh* YOU HAVE TO START THE STORY TELLING HOW THEY WOULD IGNITE TOGETHER, JULIANAAAA'"

⚠️🚨 Why did I decided to write? 🚨⚠️ I just finished playing ep. 3 and my mind started wondering that Beemoov would mess things up. I asked myself how I'd like things to happen between my candy and Jason. I didn't get a answer right away, but then the voice of my imagination whispered "So.... WHAT IF there's this crazy night they spend together, but therefore everything starts over slowly because, guess what? Jason doesn't remember a single thing."

And then I went like "YESSS babe give me that cliche, I'm into it!" and decided to create my own narrative following that ideia of "the night which would change everything about them". Based on that premise, I had to juggle a hundred things to make them able to spend time together after that and... Well, I hope you like the plot my crazy mind came up with!

🚨⚠️ Will there be cliches? 🚨⚠️

Sorry but it will.

🚨⚠️How their dynamic is going to happen? 🚨⚠️

A big blow, and then a slow-burn filled with a lot of tension though. * LAUGHS * And finally FIRE again.

The romance plot it is indeed enemies to lovers but I don't want to be that "I can't date Jason because OMG what my boss will think?" thing (._.) Well, Candy might have her insecurities but she's an adult, it is kind of dumb wasting her mind thinking like that. So don't expect you'll find here scenes like "He is our rival, it's sooo wrooong dAtInG HiM, Oooh what others will think? *~Cries in drama language~*"

It makes more sense if she is tempted/divided/doubtful because Jason is a Don Juan and she doesn't want to break her heart again. My Candy in particular doesn't like the thing of being one-night-stand. And thanks to Devon and Roy she thinks Jason is a bad bad and spoiled guy, so that's the reason she despises him and thinks she should stay away from him because he'll do no good to her............................. But in the same time: Jason *knows* how to do so well... And he's pretty. But she swore to reduce him to dust.... Hate was everything she felt since the beginning. She can't date someone she despises so much, can she? That's it: She hates him because of his despicable personality, it has nothing to do about Jason's being the "rival" from Devenementiel.

Now that you've made it this far and didn't give up on me yet, I bet you have everything you need to read this mesmerizing story if you want to. I'm loving writing about these two! The first chapter begins precisely at the event mentioned in the synopsis: they'll be at a masked ball, and from there, everything will unfold! Are you ready?

Click in the link below and enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56514097

[atopvisenyashill]

house frey and the inheritance of the twins

obviously it's been suspected that Red Wedding 2.0 will be happening in part to whittle down the family tree enough so that a Good Frey (tm) can take over the Twins. i just wanted to lay everyone i thought was a candidate out and solidify an opinion here.

FIRST OF ALL, i like to group the freys in my head according to their mom’s houses (since, ya kno, they’re all freys lol). I’m not listing every single frey (it would be hard since you can't do subbullet points in tumblr anyway) but here's sort of a general overview of succession, with my format being Walder’s Wife House -> “Cadet” Branch Houses. also this is just how I organize all these people in my mind, so if it doesn't make sense just ignore it, it's not here, skip down to the green text-

Royce Freys -> Main Branch Royce Freys, [Vance Freys], Vale Freys, [Lannister Freys], Wylde Freys, [Haigh Freys]

Swann Freys -> they’re mostly dead or at Oldtown so I just lump all of the Swann Freys together

Crakehall Freys -> Main Branch Hosteen Freys, Braavosi Freys, Darry Freys, Waynwood Freys, Beesbury Freys, [House Vypren]

Blackwood Freys -> Lame Lothar Freys, Paege Freys, [House Brax]

Rosby Freys -> this one is easy because it's just Perwyn, Benfrey, Olyvar, and Roslin.

Farring Freys -> again, easy because none of them have kids so they're all one branch. This branch includes several of the maids presented to be wives for Robb/Edmure/Roose including Arwyn and Shirei, as well as Elmar, the boy who was briefly betrothed to Arya

brackets are female lines (as in, a daughter that married another house) so they’re not technically “Freys” tho i’m sure a lot of them would be willing to change their names for a shot at owning the Twins. Lannister Freys are in brackets bc altho they’re male line, I don’t think they’re in line for the Twins anymore bc the Crown gave them Riverrun (and they’re probably all gonna die before they can get back in the running for the Twins so they don’t count lol).

NOW. WHOMST DO I THINK IS LIKELY TO INHERIT? LET'S DIG IN-

Walda Frey - 2nd in line for the Twins currently

Please applaud the highest ranking person on this list. She is the direct descendant of Walder, of the main Royce Freys branch, being his great great granddaughter. It goes-

Walder -> first born son Stevron (dead) -> first born son Ryman (dead) -> first born son Edwyn (first in line, Evil Frey) -> Walda, as Edwyn’s only child.

As I laid out here, there are some obstacles she has to overcome but it’s not impossible that all this hubbub is leading up to Walda being able to keep the Twins from her pushy, grasping male relatives - we have a LOT of female heiresses at the end of ADWD and I do think that’s leading to something in the endgame. BUT. Considering all the doom following the Freys around, she could very well be an innocent victim of LSH and her Red Wedding 2.0 plan - she is still, after all, in the riverlands as a Frey which is the most dangerous place for a Frey to be.

Once again, rip to the sweet little angels caught up in the game of thrones by their parents (shireen, tommen & myrcella, sweetrobin, fat walda, and possibly, poor sweet walda frey the first). I think her odds don't look great here but I also can't (and don't want to!) ignore that we will have a lot of female heiresses at the ending and she may very well be one of them.

Perra Frey - 4th in line for the Twins currently

Another of the Main Brance Royce Freys, her line goes-

Walder -> first born son Stevron (dead) -> first born son Ryman (dead) -> third born son Petyr Pimple (dead) -> Perra

Very similar story to Walda except she doesn't even get any real narrative focus (Edwyn does in fact mention his daughter, and we even see Walda on page - we don't see Perra at all). I very much think Perra is a Disposable Frey and likely to die or be passed over. I still wanted to count her though (justice for Doomed Babies!)

Vale Freys - 5th through 8th in line for the Twins

I'm grouping them all together. The Vale Freys line goes like this-

Walder -> first born son Stevron (dead) -> third born son Walton Waynwood Frey -> Steffon, Fair Walda, and Bryan Hardyng Frey

Now this isn't the first Vale family (and Waynwood specifically) to marry into the Freys; Anya Waynwood knows how to matchmake for her house! But I refer to them as the "Vale Freys" specifically because they have two Vale women that marry into their line - Marsella Waynwood and Deanna Hardyng. Remember Anya raised Harry the Heir and Jocelyn Stark's daughters married a Waynwood. This Waynwood/Hardyng connection could mean nothing and I fully acknowledge that. However, the number of Vale ties with this line and the fact that Sansa is dealing with Waynwoods and Hardyngs right now does make me wonder if the ultimate Lord of the Crossing could come from this seemingly Disposable Frey line.

Mad Huntsman/Aegon Bloodborn Frey - 17th-ish in the line of succession currently

Aegon “the Bloodborn” Frey is around 17th in line (but isn’t really in line, because he’s an outlaw). He hasn’t been seen in the books, only listed in the appendices. He is of the Royce-Wylde Freys so his line goes like so-

Walder -> third born son Aenys Frey (dead as of TWOW) -> first born son Aegon Bloodborn

Yes, his brother is Rhaegar Frey of “Frey Pies” fame. He’s not otherwise noteworthy ie we have no idea why he’s called “the bloodborn.” HOWEVER. There is the mad huntsman theory that if true could push him to the front of the “who gets the twins” race, narratively.

if you’re not familiar with the mad huntsman theory (no shame, i completely memory holed that one until recently too) it’s the idea that the Mad Huntsman, one of the brotherhood without banners who is described as being a big strong man with a “weak chin” who joins after his wife and sister are raped by Lannister soldiers. he tries to alleviate the starvation around the Stoney Sept by bringing in sheep from far away with his hounds later on. He’s also described as “quarrelsome” which fits with being a son of Aenys, who is also described as cruel, with a weak chin (in fact the term “weak chin” is used quite frequently to describe Frey men!). We also know Aegon Bloodborn is an outlaw and therefore doesn’t live at the Twins. Once LSH (noted Frey hater) takes over the BWB, it’s notable that the Mad Huntsman is no longer traveling with the main group. The biggest hole here imo is that the Mad Huntsman has a sister and afaik not only does Aenys only have two sons (Rhaegar and Aegon), but there’s not a mysteriously missing or disowned Frey daughter he could have run off with. It COULD be a sister by law, however.

If he IS working with the brotherhood, and leaves specifically bc of lady stoneheart, that means he’s safely away from All Of That, AND he’s one of the highest in the line of succession (i mean, before being disowned for being an outlaw, but if he is known to have worked with the brotherhood, i do imagine in the endgame he’d be pardoned). Especially considering having that crazy “Aegon the Bloodborn Frey” name, that feels like a SET UP altho tbf the set up could be something completely different from “Aegon Frey inherits the Twins.” Being a grown man, a fighter, and potentially married Does also help just from a logistical standpoint - if someone decides to question his claim, well, he’s more than capable of hitting back.

Alesander Frey - 31st ish in line of succession

Alesander is a Braavosi Frey (so we're finally at point 3 in my family tree there), which are a subgroup of the Crakehall Freys. It goes-

Walder & 3rd wife Amarei Crakehall -> third born son Symond -> first born son Alesander

Yes, Symond, his father, was in a Frey Pie. But Alesander is still A Good Frey! Alesander is my favorite Frey because he is a singer and it’s his absence from the Red Wedding that alerts Cat to something being a off. Ryman just says he’s “away” and I find it interesting that even though he has no real relationship with the Starks (and therefore no emotional reasons to speak out against the Red Wedding, the way the Rosby Freys do), he does still speak out against it, likely for moral reasons. Speaks to a good sense of character that he’s willing to stand up to his family when literally dozens of his relatives are in on this plan.

HOWEVER. It’s not, as far as I’m aware, a BIG theory, but it IS one I’ve kicked around and I've seen a few others kick around that Alesander might be dead - you see, Arya cleans a dead body in the House of Black and White that is a mystery to us. I want to add the quote here-

One man had died at the feet of the Stranger, a single candle flickering above him. […] Before summoning the serving men to carry him away, she knelt and felt his face, tracing the line of his jaw, brushing her fingers across his cheeks and nose, touching his hair. Curly hair, and thick. A handsome face, unlined. He was young. She wondered what had brought him here to seek the gift of death. Dying bravos oft found their way to the House of Black and White, to hasten their ends, but this man had no wounds that she could find. The second body was that of an old woman. […] The corpses were laid out in the vault. The blind girl went to work in the dark, stripping the dead of boots and clothes and other possessions, emptying their purses and counting out their coins. […] On the handsome man she found four golden dragons out of Westeros. She was running the ball of her thumb across the most worn of them, trying to decide which king it showed, when she heard the door opening softly behind her.

It stood out to me because

arya notes most people don’t pray to westerosi gods in braavos but these two die at the foot of the Stranger

there’s a young man and an old woman, and we know alessander's mother is braavosi, betharios, so it could be his mother. the man is so noted to be a younger man, and that would match alessander's age as well

the man has four gold dragons on him - not a small amount of money, and westerosi money at that!

in my opinion here, if the face is being hidden from us through arya not knowing who it is, it will be plot relevant later. it’s only alesander who feels plot relevant and could also be in braavos at this time. it could be interesting if arya lands in the riverlands wearing the face of a stark friendly frey, or perhaps not wearing the face herself but recognizing parts of it in others and letting people know of alesander's fate.

why would they be here, likely having killed themselves? well...this is post red wedding, and alesander was specifically left out of the red wedding plot because they knew he'd have a moral argument against it, and symond seems to have been particularly involved in the red wedding plot. i think it could be interesting if they ehard of what their family did and committed suicide out of fear and shame.

anyways i hope alesander is alive because i think the set up for him is interesting and i want it to stay interesting and not tragic, hah.

Ami Darry Frey or Gatehouse Ami - 35th ish in line of succession

Another member of the Crakehall Frey Branch and someone we've actually met on page! Amerei or Gatehouse Ami's line goes-

Walder & 3rd wife Amarei Crakehall -> fifth born son Merrett (rest in piss) & Dariya Darry -> Ami

When we meet her through Jaime’s POV, she is engaged to Lancel Lannister so that the Lannisters can claim the Darry lands. Despite her engagement, Ami has a….reputation. She sleeps around a lot, and Lancel is not interested in her at all. She’s kind of wild, Jaime in general seems to find all the Darry Freys pretty unclassy, and I kind of love the idea that the Twins go from the completely classless Late Lord Walder to the equally but differently classless Gatehouse Ami. Let Ami Fuck Her Way Through The Riverlands!!!!

Walda Frey Bolton or Fat Walda - 36th ish in line of succession

Also known as Fat Walda, she is not only the same line as Ami but they are sisters! She’s a year to two years younger than Ami!

And listen, I love her but she’s doomed 😭 i hope ramsay suffers immensely for this one tho 😭😭😭😭

Perwyn Rosby Frey - 60th in line

Perwyn is the oldest member of the Rosby Frey branch (point five above!) His line goes-

Walder & 6th wife Bethany Rosy -> Perwyn.

He is one of the more obvious Good Freys; he is often placed in trusted positions such as guarding Catelyn, he is well liked by Daven Lannister, and seems to be close to his sister Roslin, perhaps even rooting for the Tullys to win out over the Lannisters. We get this line here:

Roslin's a pretty little thing, hardly stoatish at all. And fond of Edmure, queerly. Perwyn tells me [Roslin is] praying for a girl.

I really worry about Perwyn dying tho. Between Olyvar in Rosby, Roslin in Riverrun, and potentially Aegon in the BWB/eventually the Twins, I feel like Perwyn……..might be a death meant to hurt our feelings!

Olyvar Rosby Frey - 63rd ish in line

Younger brother of Perwyn, so also a Rosby Frey, something that is very important to Olyvar's story!

Despite being the most obvious Good Frey (he has to be dragged away from Robb’s side after Robb marries Jeyne), he’s not getting the Twins in my opinion, he’s getting Rosby’s holdings bc he’s Rosby’s ward - here's a good write up here. The gist of the "Olyvar is the Rosby Ward" theory is that the Rosby lands are currently up for grabs because Gyles Rosby died without a clear heir. It seems likely he wanted his lands to go to his unnamed ward but in AFFC, Cersei plans to seize them and give them to an ally. She runs into a brick wall here, as does Kevan before he dies, because the Rosby ward does not seem willing to play ball, even refusing to offer hospitiality to the Stokeworths. I think the fact that the Rosby ward seems determined to be a nuisance is the biggest indicator of this being Olyvar; he’s pissed off about Robb, and he’s showing it by refusing hospitality to any Lannister supporters. However, this could very well be set up for Olyvar inheriting a larger seat! Hard to say at this point!

Roslin Rosby Frey Tully - 82nd in line

She of many last names lmao. Another Rosby Frey (Bethany did something right as a mother i guess!!) who has recently married the heir to Riverrun, Edmure Tully.

She technically counts but I think her, Edmure, and their baby will eventually be safe in Riverrun. I’m aware this could be wishful thinking on my part but regardless, I’m not sure how likely it is that she and her baby inherits the Twins when they’re so wrapped up in the Riverrun story AND they're female line. It WOULD be funny though, if after all of Walder’s scheming and nonsense towards the Tullys, that the Twins is taken over by a cadet Tully branch of Roslin and Edmure's first born daughter.

Big Walder Frey - 54th in line

Now we get one (1) Bad Frey in our budding serial killer and kinslayer, Big Walder. He is from point 4, the Blackwood Freys. His line goes-

Walder & Alyssa Blackwood -> second son Jammos & Sallei Page -> first born son Big Walder.

I've always been fascinated by Big Walder and not just because of him murdering his cousin, Little Walder. I kind of love that he has his own coat of arms where he quarters the Frey's sigil with the houses of his grandmother and his mother. *Arya Voice* the woman is important too!

Big Walder, despite being a very minor character, does have a decent amount of narrative focus. He's appeared in four of the five books, being present at the Twins and sent to foster at Winterfell in AGOT, becoming a nuisance to Bran throughout ACOK, signing his name to Ramsay's false report that Theon burnt Winterfell in ASOS, and finally coming out with blood spattered clothing just after Little Walder is mysteriously murdered in ADWD. I think of all the Evil Freys, Big Walder seems the most "set up" as a potential inheritor of the Twins.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Thoughts? Potential contenders you think I've missed? In my opinion, I think Olyvar, Perwyn, Aegon, and Big Walder are probably the most likely inheritors although I would love if it was Roslin and Edmure's daughter or Gatehouse Ami.

[acewithobsessions]

Headcanon ask game yayyy I love it!

I’m thinking what if Thomas went back to his parents’ house to tell his dad and mom he was leaving Britain forever to live with his partner in America. Because he knew he would never see them alive again. Although he very much knew his father would deny him once more, he just hoped maybe in his father’s twilight years, he would finally accept who his son was.

In my mind, Thomas really craved his father’s approval more than anything. That was projected to Carson since Downton became his home. But all was rooted in his father. So he wanted to have this one last chance to turn things around. Because Thomas knew that this was the only way he could truly accept himself, no matter what others think of him now.

I think when you watch Thomas’ expressions, even when he was invited back to be the butler, or when he smiled at Guy after he resigned, you can still see there was a glimpse of sadness behind his eyes. Maybe that was why.

So, do you think Thomas and his father could be reconciled with each other? And how about his mother? I think she would be more accepting (or perhaps she didn’t really care much idk)? Somehow I got the idea that Thomas was the only boy in the Barrow family so it mattered more to his father. Anyway, please tell me what you think <3

Oh man YES!!!!! (For some reason, as soon as you said it, I pictured the scene from les mis where Marius asks his dad for permission to marry Cosette??)

That part about Carson? Yes, PREACH. I love love love it when people pick up on this. It's one of the most fascinating bits of his character, imo.

Ok so in my personal headcanon, the reason he started work a bit later than was typical (he did this right??) is because his mother died, meaning there was no longer any sense of security at home. (Also because from what I remember, he talks about her in the past tense.) But if she were still alive, that adds even more layers to the whole thing. I'll have to set aside half an hour of my usual pacing to think about this lol

I'd imagine he shows up to their house kind of stiff, with a sort of "f*ck it" attitude. Guy's not there. He understands that this is something Thomas has to do by himself, and Thomas wasn't exactly eager to let him meet his parents, either.

There's no small talk -- he barely even comes inside. He just finds his parents and deadpans, "I'm leaving."

"What?" his mother asks, a little bit breathless.

"I'm leaving," he repeats. "I've got a beau and I'm going to America with him."

There's a familiar flash of anger across his father's face, but he looks so tired that it swallows it right up. He stands up and leaves. For a second, Thomas wonders if he's found ways to keep his thunderstorm inside, to stop it from raging and having the lightning strike others. He wonders if it makes a difference. It doesn't, he decides, but all the same, it's good to know.

(He wonders if he knows just how much the storm can hurt you when it is stuck inside.)

His mother asks him questions until she is satisfied. She doesn't approve, he knows that. But she knows her son is happy, and maybe enough of her cares that her disapproval isn't the most important thing to her anymore.

He finds his father leaning over the table, staring into space. He starts into his pre-prepared spiel - I'm sorry if I've disappointed you, this is who I am, blah blah etc - but his father cuts him off.

"I'm not happy for you." He still won't look up. "But truth be told, I don't think I'd have been happy for you if you'd settled down like the rest of us. I don't think I'd have been happy with anyone." Finally, finally, he looks up. They have the same eyes. How has Thomas never noticed this before? "You survived me. I guess that's as close to close as we're going to get."

Is he high? Maybe he's drunk. He looks sober enough, but Thomas can't connect this person with the image of his father he has in his mind.

Thomas leaves without feeling as though anything's been accomplished, but nothing got worse. Pick your battles and all that. Just as he's leaving, he thinks that maybe, maybe, his father's storm has blown itself out.

Ough, sorry, I wasn't actually trying to write anything. Anyways, all in all, I'd absolutely love to see this kinda thing, whether it goes horribly or not. (Tbh, I think his dad being so articulate in this iteration points to how he's been thinking about this for a while. Which is probably optimistic. So this is one of the better situations...)

Tysm for the ask!! Wonderful idea :D

[sugar-omi]

Saw your last ask about the eloping and then was just thinking if the MC left with Mr. Wedding planner considering some of his lines in the DLC and the Taylor Swift song (and I am so sorry Cove I love you too but oof this went straight to my brain from all the angst and wanting on both sides)

ahhhh im,,, assuming youre thinking what im thinking n that is MC leaving cove to be w baxter bc that angsty idea came into my mind in the middle of writing that request and i have some ideas on it :(( listen to this playlist for the full effect 👍👍 ik a lot more songs i could add but i left it w olivia rodrigo n conan gray

tags : Angst (with happy ending for cove lol), (emotional) cheating, breaking up, your family n friends ar upset w you to say the least, your fam and friends goes low/no contact

synopsis : you leave cove to be with baxter, this is how everyone reacts.

[this is based off this post: "eloping with baxter", where alternatively you leave cove for baxter.]

*edited because i forgot to add derek's reaction.

please break it off before the wedding. if you leave him at the alter, cove would be thoroughly destroyed and your immediate family would prbly end up disowning you and/or going very low contact.

breaking off the engagement was and is a really hard thing, but you do it anyway to be with baxter

i wanna touch on how your family n friends reacts to the break up first...

well lets just leave it at cove's parents don't talk to you anymore and you are not welcome even near their house

in fact cliff even moves out of sunset bird because he's so distraught and if cove comes to visit, which he does and even moves in with his dad, he sees how sad cove is and it kills him

he regrets ever moving to sunset bird and asking you to be his friend.

cliff never forgives himself for this, even though it isn't his fault, he feels like it is and even if (and when) cove gets over this betrayal, cliff hates that this happened anyway.

cliff doesn't send you any text, he just blocks you

but if you send a text before he can do so, which is possible since he's busy comforting his son

then he responds like this..

"please don't text this number anymore. and leave my son alone. you've really betrayed him.. me too. i thought you were a good person y/n. i hope you're happy with him"

kyra leaves you a very scornful message and then blocks you

she refuses to waste her breathe or time on someone who hurt her baby

she starts by saying how much she loved you and everything you did for cove, but ends it with how she can never forgive you for leaving cove like this

"don't bother apologizing. everyone had their faith in you to love and take care of cove but you've really blindsided him. you're no longer family to us, leave us alone."

your family is very disappointed

even though they don't cut you off, you're distant and if you marry baxter, they don't come celebrate with you

your mom is surprisingly very tender about it and she is the one who misses you the most

she cries over your pictures when you were growing up, and when everything was perfect

she knows you're an adult and things happen, this is the way the cookie crumbles sometimes but the holden's were like family too and everything is just hard

she can't even look at cove when she sees him

once she even broke down crying in front of him, she could see the dark circles under his eyes and yet he still smiled at her and gave his best "hello"

cove ends up comforting her in the middle of the grocery store parking lot...

she doesn't leave the house for awhile. she's so ashamed and embarrassed because she can hear the whispers of the townsfolk

"i wish they were kids again..."

your ma calls to yell at you.

ma doesn't ever get mad, if anything mom was the "bad cop" growing up and did most the iron fisting

but your ma can't believe you'd do this. she understands that sometimes you fall out of love with someone or have deeper feelings for someone else but.. you knew cove for 15 years and you leave for someone like baxter, who hurt you?

shes just blinded with rage and sadness, even thought she's yelling she ends up crying

she tells you not to come around for awhile, she can't bare to look at you and look at cliff (and cove) the next day

"please don't bother coming home, you're not welcome here for the foreseeable future. i thought we raised you better than this."

your sister doesn't know what to do

she never expected this from you

she hugs you while you cry, you're still her sibling but she also can't forgive you so easily

she and cove weren't close, but definitely closer than baxter and she saw how much he loved you. and she sees how much he's hurting, as he's slowly gathering all his stuff out of your shared house.

she helps him pack his stuff and gives him a hug, lets him cry and tells cove that he's always been like family, and will always be

she watches him cry in his car before finally driving off and suddenly liz is so mad

all this upset and upheaval for what? a traumatized, flirty victorian-emo man who stayed for a summer and told you to fuck off and then came back 5 years later?

she doesn't yell, but between the quiet and half empty house, liz scolds you and flies back home the same night...

"i love you but i can't believe you threw this all away for someone you knew for ONE summer 5 years ago... i'm so disappointed in you."

lee is the one who comforts you the most when you cry

but you can see the disappointment in her eyes

she calls you a lot less, and she doesn't scream in excitement at you anymore. especially if you're with him.

one night, she even whispers into the dark room, having thrown a blanket over you and thinking you are asleep.

"i thought you were better than this..."

your friends are so surprised

they never saw this coming at all

im (not) sorry to say but you are now friendless :)

miranda is the one with the greatest fury

she leaves several voice messages where she is yelling and cussing you out...

"lose my number! i can't believe you'd leave cove for your wedding planner! someone who hurt you 5 fucking years ago!" "you need to get a grip on reality if you think you're gonna live happily ever after. screw you, you-"

terry is with miranda at the time so she cut off the last message before she could share her new nicknames for you

terry's disappointment is immeasurable.

he tries texting you and asking whats going on before he asks you to meet him for coffee

thats the last time you see him before he sends you on last text...

"i hope you're happy y/n... i really cherished our friendship but i can't trust someone who did this to their partner and one of my best buddies... goodbye."

derek is ready to fly over to cove immediately, and he does.

derek helps cliff get cove settled and calmed down, he even makes dinner while cliff helps cove at least get a grip on reality again...

"i'm so surprised you did this y/n... i thought i knew you better but i guess not... listen, i gotta finish dinner, cove hasn't eaten in a couple days. i'm sorry but cove is my best friend, i hope you're happier now.. goodbye."

cove is ruined, to say the least.

somehow he expected it though..

you were dating cove when baxter came that summer, but he saw how you looked at him... it was with a sense of longing. he supposes it was only a matter of time before you decided you wanted a taste of baxter ward, he just hoped it would never come...

you dated baxter that summer, and he saw how distraught you were when he left you so brutually.. cove thought you really loved him, that you finally got over baxter. but apparently he was wrong, you were just patching your wounds until baxter could put you back together...

you never dated baxter, but cove saw how you looked at him with longing and cove always wished you would look at him like that. i guess you just turned your eyes to him until you could finally have the one you wanted...

cove loved you so much, and now that you've broken up he feels like he'll never recover

cove's personality does a whole 180

if he was "warm", he's not anymore. he can't bring himself to smile and laugh and socialize when his chest feels so hollow yet like he's been stabbed with pins and needles...

if he was already "cold", i need you to imagine him being even colder...

he still says his "please and thank you"'s whenever its necessary, but anything other than a hum when affirming to the cashier that he found his groceries okay

or telling the fast food worker what he wants to eat, which he usually orders online in that case, then he doesn't really talk too much

everyone can see how distraught he is even though he tries to distract himself

he cooks meals from scratch, he even learns how to make bread just to keep his mind away from it all

he tries to surf or look for shells but it just ends up hurting more because he as so many memories of those things with you

his whole childhood was with you... you gave him a childhood and you're the reason he enjoyed life so much, you made him so happy...

cove really tries to keep his head above water but even with the love and care from his parents, he's drowning...

its like when he was a little kid all over again but this time he's the one going through the break up

sometimes he snaps at his dad to please leave him alone and he runs off to the guest room crying.

he's so overwhelmed, overstimulated in every way and hurt.

he feels like he'll never recover from this one

when he does "get better", its still a total change from who he used to be

he definitely keeps his friend circle tight and dating isnt even on the table, and wont be for a long time.

fuck it probably takes him another 15 years to get over you.

all he knew for the last 15 years of his life was you, and now he has to do without you so its hard.

some days he falls apart again, because things are so much harder now that he has to take care of himself in every way possible

you reopened his trust and abandonment issues...

he has a date with olivia rodrigo and conan gray (see above for playlist)

when everyone finds out you eloped with baxter they lose their fucking minds

your ma doesn't even text or call you. you can't even hear her in the background when your mom calls because she can't believe you'd elope to him after all this, no matter how much time goes by...

your mom feels hurt again. it just makes everything so real and she feels sick thinking that baxter is now her son-in-law

your sister calls to yell at you. its less than a 5 minute phone call, she just can't believe you married him...

lee doesn't bother sending any congratulations, doesn't even like your pictures on social media. the next time she texts you she blames it on work, and thoroughly avoids talking about baxter

you better hope miranda and derek don't see it.

derek was certainly the most peaceful when the break up happened, but he would definitely unblock you just to tell you how disappointed he is and he definitely cusses at you.

""i can't believe we were ever friends.""

terry is angry too, but he cries more than anything

he misses having all of you together, this just reopens the wound of how things turned out...

if and when cove finally sees or hears the news, if this happened soon after your breakup he would lose his shit.

if you elope soon after breaking up: it takes everything for him not to throw his phone.

he definitely goes to the gym for a bit to work out some energy. he's so sad but most of all he's angry

that should've been you getting married but you're with him instead.

if you elope later after breaking up: it hurts for awhile. but it doesn't tear him up as long as it did when you broke up

but the first night he does look at your smiling face and he misses you.

in the morning he's talking to his dad and he does realize that its better like this

that you just decided that baxter had everything you needed, and its not cove's fault

he hopes you're happy with yourself

unfortunately, this isn't a bad bone in cove's body to wish you ill.

but he does hope you aren't as happy with baxter as you were with him <3

if he runs into you for any reason, maybe because your moms finally let you come over or you happen to be in town or something

cove smiles at you...

it's unsettling

especially since this is the first time you've seen him since the breakup and its been years

you start talking a bit, you with very big eyes and a shaky voice

cove used to be so sensitive but now that he's in front of you again he seems so unaffected...

"y/n." "y-yes?" your heart is jumping in your chest... "i hope you're happy now." you pause, looking down and twisting your wedding band on your finger. "i dont know... some days i'm happy enough, but most days i.. i think about the what if's...." cove nods. somehow he feels satisfied hearing that, but he'd never admit it. "well i hope you can get over it, you made your decision so you need to make it work. goodbye y/n..."

in the end cove is so much stronger, of course he's still vulnerable with people, he's still a crybaby but the walls he's built around himself are high and it took a lot of therapy for him to get over the betrayal

when cove does start dating again and if he gets married especially, your mom's are in the pictures...

he looks so happy, so does cliff and kyra

if your mom's are in the pictures, especially the wedding pictures, it saddens you because you have no pictures of your family with baxter, it doesn't matter how many years go by.

hopefully you're happy with your decision <3

[bygiornogiovanna]

Idea. Yandere Jolyne x male reader who's Kakyoin's son and are childhood friends and they also have a daughter together who is still a newborn. But he leaves Jolyne as he doesn't trust her with there daughter. But Jolyne finds them and says "Yare Yare Dawa. I don't want to leave her family like my old man did to me and my mom." And takes reader away. Also this is in 2017 5 years after part 6 ended and Kakyoin dies to Pucci so Pucci would die to Jotaro so Kakyoin's son is also still depressed about his dad's death which is why him and Jolyne hook up to try and make him happy but it doesn't work. Just wanted to clarify that. So seems like a lot to work with but I think you can something good out of this.

This is an interesting idea. I like it. Let's see how well I can do. First time writing a x male fic, i think.

Tell me if i missed any detail! (I hope I didn't lol)

happy (almost) 500 followers!

apologize it took so long.

Won't get away

(Yandere! Jolyne x Male reader)

It all started 5 years ago.

Jotaro and Kakyoin, as well as their children, were fighting against the priest that tried to finish what Dio started.

It was a tough fight, the time speeding so fast was confusing. Weeks passed with every minute and they had no time to waste. If they didn't stop Pucci, Dio's dream would come true.

"Emerald Splash!" Kakyoin screamed, directing his Hierophant Green in attempt to distract Pucci, who was getting awfully close to Jolyne. It worked, the priest's attention now on him, creating the perfect bait for the start of their plan.

"Star Platinum! The World!" Jotaro yelled and time stopped. Nothing was moving anymore, but Jotaro knew he had only a few seconds to do something or the battle would be over. He had to move and do something, anything now.

7 seconds left.

Before he could reach Pucci and snap his neck, Jotaro noticed something horrifying.

Both Kakyoin and Jolyne were in danger.

Kakyoin was surrounded by hundreds of knives that would stab his insides the very second time would start again. Exactly the same position he was in 23 years ago, when he battled Dio.

5 seconds left.

And his daughter had Pucci right beside her, his fist an inch away from piercing her stomach.

For the first time in his life, Jotaro was terrified.

Life put him in the position of choosing whether to save his life-long bestfriend, taking the risk of ending the world or save his daughter and bring this hell to an end.

His heart was racing in his chest, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead.

4 seconds left.

His eyes darted to Kakyoin, all the memories of what they went through flashing in his mind.

They moved to his son, who was standing there frozen as everyone else. He would hate him forever.

3 seconds left.

You can't do good without sacrifices.

He learned that long ago, after losing two of his other friends.

With pain in his heart, Jotaro made his decision. He dashed to Pucci and pushed him away from Jolyne, his punches letting all his fury out.

"Time starts moving again." He whispered and everything resumed. The injured priest was thrown away at an insane speed, landing straight into a building with a fatal injury.

At the same time, Kakyoin was pierced by the knifes, falling helplessly onto the ground. As soon as Jolyne realised what happened, she called out her stand into an useless attempt of saving the red haired man.

However, it was too late.

Both Kakyoin and Pucci died, proof being the disappearance of their stands. Time moved at a normal speed again, minutes passing correctly, while the emeralds left by Noriaki vanished.

"Dad!" An awful scream made its way out of your lungs, tears flooding your eyes at the realization. You ran to your father's lifeless body, shaking him. "Please, dad, no! Don't leave me too!"

Jotaro felt his usually stoic heart crumble into pieces at the sound so he looked in other direction, far away to the ocean. His breathing was heavy, both because of the injuries and the guilt he felt.

There was nothing he could do anymore.

Ever since that day, you fell into a sever depression. You were constantly thinking about your father and why did the universe decide it should take him from you.

You couldn't blame Jotaro for choosing to save the world over saving your father. It was the right decision. But you also couldn't get over the fact that the only person you had left disappeared.

You looked like a mess every day and even if you had a job, you couldn't say your life was good. Your only social contact outside your work zone was Jolyne and you honestly couldn't say it was good.

Her emerald eyes were a constant reminder of your dad's stand, which made your heart break every time.

Jolyne was desperate. She had no clue what to do with you. Most considered you were a lost cause, but she didn't want to give up on you. She refused to. You two grew up togheter, she could not give you up.

It broke her heart. Seeing you like this made her want to cry out.

She tried talking you into therapy, but you refused to cooperate.

"Come on, it's been years, Y/N. You have to stop drinking your pain away, you are ruining yourself! Your dad would hate seeing you like this!" she said, shaking you. When you were not at work, you would drown yourself in alcohol, being your only escape.

"Stop."

"It's true! Mr. Noriaki would hate seeing how you destroy yourself every day, he-" she wanted to scold you again, but you suddenly yelled–

"Stop talking about him as if you know anything! It's only your fault anyway!"

Jolyne took a step back at your outburst. She knew you didn't mean it, but with the way your eyes held a deep hatred...Her heart ache.

"Yare yare dawa..." she shook her head, biting the inner part of her lip anxiously. You took drunk steps towards her, your much taller frame covering hers. "You have no idea what you're saying, let's get you to bed." the girl murmured, going to take your hand but you jerked away from her, almost falling before you were able to brace yourself.

"I'm t-tired of everyone acting like the-y kn...knew my father! I'm the only one th-at " you stumbled upon your words. "I'm just f-fine with how I live."

"Whatever you say." she took your arm successfully this time and dragged you to your room. You were trying to get away from her grip, but she refused to let go, throwing you onto the bed easily because of your drunk self.

The next day, you couldn't remember anything from that night. The only thing you remembered was that her lips met yours to shut you up and, from then...Blank. Everything was blank.

When you opened your eyes, you certainly didn't expect to see Jolyne laying next to you....naked. You looked around the room, the bright light burning your eyes. This was your room, there was no doubt. So why was Jolyne naked?

You knew she had a habit to sleep in her lingerie, but that didn't explain why you were also naked. It couldn't be that, could it?

However, the ache on your broad shoulders going all the way to your lower back, the way her neck was covered in small bite marks and hickeys, along with the ripped sheets beneath her, proved you wrong. That it could be.

You and your childhood best friend, Jolyne Cujoh, just had sex. And from the unseenable condom, it was unprotected.

No words were spoken between the two of you as Jolyne muttered a small 'Yare yare dawa' when she first got up. And she just left in silence, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Even if it wasn't the right thing to do, you completely cut off every single way she could contact you. Blocking her number and all of her social medias, even her father's and her friends', you even went as far as changing the locks in your home, you ignored her existence as if she never existed in the first place. Not even knowing about the growing baby in her belly.

And, that didn't go unnoticed by the young female.

The woman wasn't patient as this trait didn't run in her family. She tried everything, even broke into your home, which almost made you get you a restraining order.

That, until you saw the loose skin on her belly, decorated with stretch marks. Which could indicate only one thing. A previous pregnancy.

"Where is the child, Jolyne?" you asked coldly as the woman glared at you with bright green eyes.

"She is in the car with Ermes. Now, you will come with me, get your life back together and raise that damn child!" she hissed at you with a stern and determinated look on her face.

"No. The child comes with me, I don't trust you with her. Not after what ha-" you were about to say but suddenly, a bright blue string wrapped around your mouth multiple times, shutting you up.

"Don't you dare finish that fucking sentence. Don't blame my father for your father's death." Jolyne spoke angrily with a twisted look in her eyes.

You whined in protest, summoning your stand to try and fight back but the string around your mouth only tightened. She was undeniably stronger than you so you retreated your stand immediately.

"Yare yare dawa..." she clicked her tongue annoyed. "I don't want her to have an incomplete family as I did. You won't leave like my old man did to me. Under no circumstances will I allow that." the crazy tone that lingered in her voice made you shiver as you never saw Jolyne so determined.

"You will be with me. End of the discussion. Willingly or not, you are mine."

And after that, everything went blank.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

Tag Game: 911 Lone Star Fandom Edition

Thank you for the tag, @chicgeekgirl89 @ladytessa74 💝

When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?

It was right about two years ago around this time of year, and the who would be Owen Strand himself, Mr. Rob Lowe. I was on Hulu and bored and saw this go by and thought well I've never met a Rob Lowe something that I didn't like, so what the hey.

I was not expecting to get this into it at ALL- like by the time the title card appeared for the first time I was like what is this show! (literally, I hadn't written anything in about 13 years, and I had no computer at the time, and there I was, scribbling down fic in my notebook like a child of the 80's lol).

Which season is your favorite?

For me it's a horserace between seasons one and four. Season one did so much with those ten episodes (why I have hopes season five can still be amazing with only twelve episodes) and season four for a couple reasons; one, season four fixed sooooooooo many of the mistakes they made in season three, and season four compared to season one is like them living their lives out loud.

Like that sad boy from New York who just wanted a way to bury his pain? He's getting married now!

That cop with zero work-life balance? Also getting married and has friends who adore him!

The trans firefighter worried he'll never date anyone he can be himself with- look at his relationship blooming now!!

It's just the best, season four.

Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?

Well, first pick would be my Tarlos boys, but I also do love me some Owen Strand. Yes he's flawed but there is so much good in him, and he's an amazing dad and captain when his character doesn't suffer from the show needing him to be the center of everything and the fact they can't land a decent romantic storyline for him (though I do know why that is lol).

Top Five Episodes - Go!

4x08 1x01 1x10 2x05 4x12

If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?

Carlos, cause I'd like to go just like a year before the show started - like it's been confirmed TK was his first real relationship but did he try to date? Did he ever hook up? Also I feel that because he is a good son that he wouldn't cut off his parents completely, but wouldn't see them until they asked, what was that like? Did he want to tell his mom about his life and feel like he couldn't? (note; this might be the most depressing begins episode ever - TK really burst in like the Kool-Aid man and color this boy's whole world).

Also Nancy, just because we don't get anything about her hardly - did she go to college? How long has she been with EMS? Did she have another captain before Michelle? All could use answers.

What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season five?

TARLOS DOMESTIC MORNING SCENE PLEASE AND THANK YOU -

I want Carlos to be up early and trying to wake TK up gently. After TK says just a few more minutes four times, Carlos uses stern voice and tells him it's time to get up. TK still is hiding under the covers so Carlos puts those long fingers to use and tickles his husband right out of the bed.

Beyond that - for TK and Owen to have scenes together like they did in season four; for Owen's rich girlfriend to not be a thing anymore, for Robert's death not to cause any bad feelings between Strands, and for TK and Carlos to be on a team against their problem, not on opposite sides against each other.

Also Carlos picks TK up; in any context. I would love a Carlos puts his husband on his shoulder and carries him out of somewhere while he's protesting but would also accept in a romantic setting he picks TK up, or he picks a very sleepy TK up who wraps his legs around his husband and lays his head on his shoulder.

The still of a concerned Carlos on the phone and a despondent-looking TK behind him- what do you think is going on there?

I think a mean person told TK that Catan is stupid and TK got very upset about it and Carlos's phone call consists of "you made my baby sad? You picked a good day to die, son".

Juuuuuust kidding lol - no I think that Carlos has to do something dangerous (perhaps related to his father's murder, perhaps not) but it's known to be dangerous and TK is scared for him and begging isn't there anyone else? And Carlos gets the call confirming there's no one else; it needs to be Carlos.

We all know about the elusive spicy 5x05 scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?

That is tough because they're still on network TV - I would say one or both of them are wet - possibly it is raining and they're at the famous Reyes ranch and Carlos takes TK in the barn.

Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?

(I may be stealing this) but I could see them going somewhere in Mexico - pretty but also not terribly far away, because of what happened but also because TK is very nervous about leaving their lizard child and is constantly texting his dad like what is Lou doing why haven't you sent me videos of him!!"

Shoutout to one of your favorite fan creations

The Little Monkey by @anewkindofme - my most reread fic and chock full of sweet TK and Owen feels. It is the ultimate comfort fic.

Where All This Love Comes From by @carlos-in-glasses - so much angst, so much heart, so much love, so much writing talent possessed by one person!

No pressure tagging - I tag @anewkindofme @nancys-braids @carlos-in-glasses @actualalligator @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-tk -tk @heartstringsduet and anyone else who wants to do it - open tag 🫶

[tojikai]

THINGS THAT KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT

- “fix you” y/n never even coming close to the love toji has for his first wife

- Naomi and satoru(Literally everything regarding that)

- Naomi and yui( Literally everything regarding that as well)

- Home toji cheating on the supposed women he loves and everything y/n went through due to it(she didn’t get her happy ending:((( )

- What could’ve been with pm satoru and y/n

- Constantly hearing about how “good” naomi was to satoru even him himself still praising her in a way after what she did

- will we get a sundered or pm sequel or prequel (since home and fix you are honestly harder to see with a sequel atleast)

- does kai get annoyed/tired of the amount of asks they been getting lately 😞

Other stuff I was hoping you could answer 🥺

- did he genuinely love Naomi or did he just love her in terms of comfort? Could you explain the love he had towards her please(I’ll probably be heartbroken at the answer maybe but we love being miserable I guess lol)

- If naomi came into his life first would he date her first and last, and would yui even happen?!?!?

- ^ what would happen if y/n later on came into his life or he met both at the same time

- does satoru love yui or y/n more? What’s the difference between his love for them because when it comes to yui and y/n disappearing In the extra chapter and ask’s where you explain things, it seems like he’s more focused on y/n.

- once yui and y/n were in his life did they become the people he loved the most or did it eventually happen after his mom and Naomi weren’t in his life anymore or at some point

honestly i wanted them to end up tgt miserable without being able to have a kid while yui and y/n are in another country with toji and megumi🤭or a “Home” type ending where Gojo get’s everything thrown back at him 17393939 times harder

AHAHAH let me give my thoughts on some of this, they're really entertaining🤣

hmm pm satoru and yn could've had it all honestly.

im definitely thinking about how home yn didn't get a chance at happy ending too 🥹 (the humming tiktok sound didn't help :'>)

as for Satoru praising Naomi, yeah he's really grateful for what he did for him. she stayed w him at his lowest, he can't deny that 🥹 but what she did is not something he'll easily put behind. it almost ruined everything.

sequelssss idk, maybe when i have more time to write. as of now i am writing different things bc my interests switches really fast. like strangely fast, i kinda wanna get checked bc of this.

NOPE, kai's never annoyed w questions bc i really enjoy these stuff. even just reading your thoughts and reactions is very interesting to me. PLUS, i get a lot of ideas from them. they trigger ideas LMAO

Satoru loved naomi in that comfort way yes. bc she was really supportive and understanding towards him. like she didn't drop her even during those worsts of him. and the fact that she had to deal w his broken fam/baby momma issues too, yeah he admires her for that. but as for love like the "love-love" he has for y/n? no. he can't love anyone in the same level as yn.

he'd probably date naomi if she came first. that doesn't mean he wouldn't date yn once they get to know each other tho. a lot of things that could lead them to each other can happen. he'd probably wouldn't want a child early on in the rs if he and Naomi were dating. even yui was a surprise (not unwanted tho <3)

if he met both at the same time, he's going w yn lmao. he won't be able to stop it.

he's more focused on yn bc yn is mom. where mom is, yui is LMAO that doesn't mean he loves yui less tho. like w yui its more of nurturing and guiding. while with yn, ofc its romantic.

yn became the love of his life when he woke up one morning and thought of how nice it was to wake up next to her warmth🥺it was like she couldn't ask for anything anymore. along with that was yui ofc, she was pregnant that time and when she was born was one of his happiest days. even when he was with naomi, satoru has accepted that yn will always be the love of his life. it was just that in his mind he just gotta move on and forget bc back then it felt like nothing good will ever happen in their rs again. until he saw her w toji and then bam, he woke up. he's not having that everyday, he can't do it.

btw the home ending for naomi and satoru would've been fire. like they live the rest of their life regretting the decisions they made. but i think satoru wouldn't be able to handle being away from yn and yui even if that meant being an outsider in their new life alone 🥹

[nian-7]

HI NIANNNNN I got your matchup and I am very excited to write it!!!!! I am here to submit mine as well <:3 no rush at all ok !!! Take your time or else (said lovingly)

Cancer sun / ISFP !!! Generally I'm an outgoing and talkative person and I've got lots of energy, I'm not shy at all and I enjoy talking to people !! I'm super emotional and sensitive and I either tear up or full on cry over something silly once a day SDFGSDFGFSD….. I have a really hard time opening up to people though </3 you will not perceive me

I'm a huge worrier T_T I try to make sure everyone around me has eaten and is taking care of themselves properly and I suppose I do have strong motherly instincts. I just like taking care of people!!! Especially buying gifts or getting them treats <:)

I have 2 college degrees and I work in the medical field so I like to think I am smart….. I'm kinda airheaded though I'll be real and things tend to fly over my head. I run into walls in my own house :( I'm like if a smart person was also very dumb. You see my vision…… I'm also easily embarrassed and own mom told me I'm easy to bully and pick on . Mean to me

In terms of hobbies ofc I enjoy writing but I like to cook and bake also. I've been really into nail art recently and buying candles because I'm 21 going on 60 I guess @#$#@%@$%@@$# ANYWAYS to be honest I mostly just work all day, go home, and do nothing productive the rest of the day DFGFDGFS I just chill……

If I could pick some traits in a partner….. someone who can handle my emotions LOL I like reassurance . . . I'm also very affectionate so it would be nice to receive some back !! I'm not super picky though like number one rule to dating me: please like me. This is all. Smiles

SORRY THIS WENT ON FOREVER I appreciate you so much!!!!!!!! Like I said take your time ok!!! Spins you around HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND NIAN

HI!! i literally had a list of options and then i said ykw no and then this is what happened. I HOPE YOU ENJOY!! i gave you the runners up as well under the matchup too!!

I match you with...

Hokusai Masaki!

-Hokusai just seems like he'd mesh really well with you. He's not the emotional or energetic type but! He likes those types of people seeing as how much he cares about Satsuki and Reo!

-The fact that he wouldn't judge you for being emotional over silly things is just something perfect honestly. He's always there for you to say the least! No matter what it is!

-He's a very patient person so if you don't open up to him right away in your relationship, he truly doesn't mind. He wants you to take your time and be comfortable with him rather than rushing you into telling him things.

-He cherishes any gifts or treats you may give him and feels very comforted by your motherly personality. Even though you may worry about him and his safety a lot, it makes him feel loved.

-Hokusai is a gentle giant of course. He doesn't blame you for your airheadedness or your clumsiness at all and just finds himself smiling whenever you are a bit airheaded...

-Being easy to pick on or bully is not a problem anymore when you're around him though! As someone who doesn't take lightly to bullying, I don't think you'll have to worry much about it.

-Ohh.. I can so see Hokusai letting you do his nails though. That'd be so cute honestly!!

-In terms of what you were looking for in a partner, Hokusai checks the boxes honestly. He can handle your emotions and reassure you without seeming annoyed because just the tone of his voice is so genuine...

-He doesn't mind physical affection either though! It might be very small little things like a hug or a kiss to your temple because he's not a physically affectionate person but he still tries to be to make you happy!

Runner Up No. 1...

Zen Gaho!

-So he's the first runner up cause I actually was going to match you with Zen and then I thought about it and went with Hokusai instead. He'd be a great partner for you too but!! I just felt like Hokusai and you would be a better match than you and Zen if you get me.

Runner Up No. 2...

Yuto Inukai!

-Main reason he didn't last till the 'finals' so to speak was cause of his age.. and Hancho. I didn't know if he was like too old BUT I KNOW YOU LIKE HIM SO I FEEL BAD...

-And then Hancho... it's Hancho I don't think I have to explain that as much because you probably see my vision here...

Runner Up No. 3...

Anne Faulkner!

-Okay so the main reason I decided to scrap Anne was because although I feel like you both would get along really well, I felt like it'd be more of a friend-like relationship rather than romantic if that makes sense???

-They were a good option and all but I just was like hmmm.. Hokusai fits better as a romantic match because Anne is more of a friend-like relationship.

a/n: don't rush my matchup, robyn!! take as long as you need i know i did yours really fast.. BUT TAKE YOUR TIME DW!!

[gaemms-chamois]

random unorganized darknights trio + paprika musings bc sometimes i'm hit with like a pang of Brief Worry that i'm completely misinterpreted blabla that usually doesn't last too long bc i then go back to my state of I'm Just Vibing but ig at some point i just gotta let it out publicly once and be done with it lol

this is messily written Please Understand this isn't meant to be a grand thought piece

fuuuck ok well this is like very specifically abt the w, ines & paprika part now

like don't get me wrong on this. i joke abt wines moms and stuff but i dont genuinely mean it in the way of wahh wow littol family for reals kinda deal?

less on wines 'adopting' paprika, moreso paprika imprinting on them like a duckling after she was saved by them. paprika adopted them lmao. i cannot possibly interpret either w or ines as Maternal in such a way.

it's moreso that i think it's nice that this little sarkaz merc became part of the story, a girl who all her life since she was infected at a young age, was presented with becoming a mercenary being basically the only option for her.

and then, as annoying as w can be, being shown that she does have different options.

i just think it's sweet that paprika, judging by her voicelines, clearly looks up to w and ines. which is just amplified by the fact that w and ines are notoriously not the most popular people on rhodes lol. and she calls w annoying but still keeps knitting stuff and wanting to gift food to her. like if she often seeks out w and ines to tell them how well she did on something, when they are on the ship, etc. that'd at least indicate that those two humor her.

ALSO IT'S UNOFFICIAL BUT SHOUTOUT TO THAT LITTLE CHUZENJI ART WITH PAPRIKA AND W, INES & TOTTER WEARING KNITTED HATS SO CUTE

OKAY WOO DARKNIGHTS MERCENARY TRIO AND STUFF

cool yeah obviously i fucking love them. i'm not very good at words though and i tend to keep my more elaborate thoughts to just discussions between friends who know how i tick djsfhdfs

just the other day i was smiling to myself during a walk bc holy shit all three are actually playable now and that's not just wishful thinking anymore. anyway chapter 13 also happened and more stuff with the trio happened and Cool Lots of things Happening and my brain is full

they're so found family to me, like in an utterly unconventional way. i mean c'mon with how they act sometimes like- ykno. but like have y'all seen the new furniture set and descriptions that came with hoederer's release it made me go insanse.

but i think especially in ines' case it just kinda highlights that best. considering ines' arts can figure people out (putting that in rather vague terms), it truly means something when someone with her capabilities and temperament has people she chooses to stick by and actually trust. even if she pretends she doesn't by verbally denying it.

like waugh Okay they have a lot to unpack and shit but with them being reunited (take that, W file that said W needs companionship but her friends aren't around anymore) and having a COMPARATIVELY more ""relaxed"" life than before (that one Hoederer file where he just has rather regular days on rhodes), it's just nice to imagine they can finally have something better and figure stuff out. as complicated as the three of them are.

with that said i think it's a given that i despise a nuclear family treatment of the three (aka mom ines, dad hoederer, daughter w).

for one with me being highly doubtful w was a kid/teen at the start of darknights (young? sure, but not that young), which just seems like such a...widespread belief that i really do not get? arknights always put a LOT of emphasis on when a character's story was about them being a kid, 0 of that with w. like something about her expression and big cloak just gave people some different impression, even though she literally keeps looking the same aside from a change of clothes. only instance of w being called a kid during that time i can think of is that one boiler worker in her files but that seems way more like any typical old guy calling anyone on the younger side a kid. hell, even hoederer was called young in darknights, like in a sarkaz's lifespan i can believe that.

and also...hoederer had somewhat of a mentor-like role for w, but if anyone tries to tell me ines ever acted maternal towards w i will chew through your walls. read through darknights memoir and actually pay attention to ines, both w AND ines were pettyass women and they made that so very clear. cannot fathom how anyone can see ines as having been motherly towards w

seriously just feels like a case of Well there is man and there is woman....and this other character so clearly these are mom, dad and kid.

that's not even me being biased towards w/ines, just how i objectively see it. hell, i even ENJOY ines/hoederer, but my enjoyment of it is limited bc for some reason ppl like to make it weird by shoving w in as some daughter. i promise it's completely possible to like ines/hoederer without trying to fit in w as a kid figure

anyways yeah like cool i like these characters I Guess. Look at them