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lyricalt · 3 months ago

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[tf2 mini fic] roll over

BLU and RED spies take a smoke break together.

(Implied R!Sniper/R!Spy, PG)

bonus scene: the sequel for all bite. There was no way to fit it neatly in the main fic so here it is.

---

There is something different about RED Sniper.

BLU Spy considers the body, slumped awkwardly in its seat. He taps his foot in contemplation.

Something is off. It bothers him that he cannot quite place it, but he has an instinct for this kind of thing. He remembers the way RED’s sniper had turned a little too late from the window. That flash of annoyance across his face had been fun to see, per usual, and he’d died quite appropriately to the butterfly knife.

At the risk of soiling his shoes with blood, BLU Spy kicks the body so that it falls to the floor, splayed out and arms akimbo. He cranes his neck and pulls out his disguise kit.

After a moment, he blinks. Ah-hah. He sees it now. The change. He snorts, flipping through his paper masks until he finds the one with RED Sniper’s face on it.

“How interesting,” he says with a laugh, and takes a pen out from his pocket to make the correction.

---

There is a secluded backdoor in one of the factories with an awning that hardly anyone uses. The spies tend to take their ten minute smoke break there, away from the main battle but still close enough to hear whatever’s going on. It’s irrelevant on when the daily smoke break occurs, but this time BLU Spy leaves a note for an early meeting.

They smoke in silence for a bit. Both are leaning against the wall with the locked door between them.

BLU Spy speaks up first, letting his arm fall back to his side, flicking ash from his cigarette. “There’s a possibility I had to update my disguise kit because of you.”

“Hm? Someone on my team wearing a new hat?” RED Spy asks.

They speak in the privacy of French, casual and pleasant, because it’s their only chance in the day to not be so secretive. A nice ten minutes to shoot the shit.

“No. It was something very subtle. But you know me, always obsessing over details.” BLU Spy pauses, just shy of being dramatic, because he can’t very well hold it in. He’s been waiting ages to speak to his counterpart today.

“You do have an eye for them, Bleu. Well?”

“Your sniper, Monsieur Rouge,” Bleu says, watching RED Spy very carefully. “The one with the, hm, ‘keen eyes’ and ‘fast trigger’.” After a moment, he gleefully punches RED’s arm. “You sly dog.”

For three seconds, Rouge’s expression is one of perfect blankness. Bleu is about to congratulate him on his poise when Rogue shoots up from the wall to grab Bleu’s upper arm, shaking it with such intensity that Bleu fears his arm might vibrate out of its socket.

“No. Don’t tell me he’s wearing that. Not in public,” RED Spy starts, so aghast he abandons his carefully cultivated European French and slips back into his natural Quebecois accent. “This can’t be. I didn’t think he would-”

“I saw it myself.” Bleu shuffles the paper masks in his kit and carefully removes Rouge’s grip off him when he almost drops the entire stack. “Would you like to see? I’ve already added it to my repertoire.”

Rouge has since launched into a litany of “no no no no no no no, he can’t do this to me-” while Bleu takes his time finding the right mask. A second cigarette makes an appearance in Rogue’s fingers. He begins to smoke both at the same time. It’s a nostalgic sight to see. Bleu has not seen Rouge double fist cigarettes since their days at the university during final exams.

Rouge hisses, “Please, M. Bleu, don’t put that o-”

Pleading hands grasp at his sleeve to no effect. Bleu slips on the disguise. Poor Rouge looks like he wants to perish on the spot from sheer mortification. His eyes dart to BLU Spy’s throat.

There is nothing at Bleu’s neck. Rouge would see his sniper’s RED uniform in perfect order, not a hair or button out of place.

BLU Spy lifts the kukri illusion, pointing to a very nice piece of strap fitted along the shoulder, a touch thicker than the rest of the sling. At first glance, it appears to be a nice lanyard to hang an extra carabiner on the shiny metal ring.

Or perhaps something else could be clipped on such a fine metal ring. Who could say.

“Quite subtle indeed,” Bleu says, imitating RED Sniper’s voice, though the intonation is entirely wrong. He smiles, serene, and doesn’t hesitate to deal a killing blow in the form of a head tilt and a playful, “Arf-arf.”

There is a third cigarette between Rouge’s fingers. He squats down and smokes them all in silence, sucking them down to the filter. He looks like he wishes for the ground to swallow him up.

They still have four minutes left of their break so Bleu takes pity on the man and pulls off the mask. The disguise fizzes away, leaving him back in his blue suit. He pats Rouge’s shoulder and joins him squating on the ground, forearms resting on his knees. There’s only so much aloof leaning against a wall that he can take in a day.

He nudges Rouge. “It’s going well, I take it?”

A sullen pause seems to be the only answer Rouge is willing to give until he finishes his cigarettes. After brushing off a credible amount of ash away, he grumbles, ”Yes.”

“Ah, my dear, so it really would’ve never worked out between us. How could I have competed with a piss-smelling hobo living in a dirty van? But don’t fret, sweet rival of mine, I still hold a special place in my heart from our delightful fraternity days-”

“Disgusting. Awful. Should you not wait to enact psychological warfare upon me until after our ten? At least you’ll be paid for the effort,” Rouge says stiffly. He sighs, rubbing his temples. “Take me back to Respawn. I need more ammo and cigarettes.”

Rouge hands him a blade. Bleu cackles, not minding that Rouge has somehow stolen his own butterfly knife off him. Quite talented at that, those quick hands, even amongst other spies.

“But of course,” he says, and slits RED Spy’s throat neatly.

For a very entertaining day ahead of him, it’s the least he can do

---

Sniper gets cornered on the way to supper after his shift. It’s Spy, who looks unusually harried.

“Promise me,” Spy says, serious, “Promise me you will not wear that thing around your neck in public.”

Sniper almost sputters. Awfully bold of Spy to bring it up in the middle of the hallway, in public, which seems like the opposite of what he wants. That thing could only mean one item in particular. Sniper puts up his hands, hissing softly, “There's a reason why I became a sniper, spook. I like hidin’ and stayin’ out of sight. You think, of all people, that I’d be an exhibitionist?”

He truly cannot think of a worst thing to do. It’s a hard pass, if Spy ever asks this sort of thing from him, and Sniper wonders if this is going to be some kind of boundary-setting conversation. He hopes it isn’t. Not in the middle of the hallway and not right before supper. He’ll have to take his meal up in a tree if the conversation goes poorly—he can already feel a haunting embarrassment creeping in.

“Are you?” Spy asks.

“No!”

-----------------------------

Note:

RED Spy = French Canadian

BLU Spy = Cajun

Neither are European French, though they both speak it professionally. (Professional Frenchmen.)

I suppose the reason Sniper thinks he sucks at learning French (on his own) is probably because Spy is speaking French Canadian in their private moments. Ah well!

#bloody suit #sniperspy #sniper x spy #tf2 #posting at 10pm pst on a work night we are ok

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paranoidginger · 5 months ago

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Lab-rat Part 22

Tw: Exorcism things?

There was a loud pounding at the door of the Red base, her helmet still adorning the young woman's head as she knocked, stopping to wait for an answer at the door.

The Red Spy opened the door a crack, peeking out for a moment before seeing who it was at the door, a still burning cigarette grasped tightly between the knuckles of the pointer and middle finger of his left hand.

"Ah... Hello, Miss Pauling. I am guessing you're here about our... Lack of attendance during the last mission." The Spy spoke quietly, gesturing for the young lady to enter the base. "I have been meaning to contact you, but things have been hectic. Our dear medic seems to have lost his mind."

"What do you mean, lost his mind? Spy, what is going on here? The Blu team hasn't been showing up for missions either. Everyone is going to get replaced if you guys don't pull it together!"

"Do you remember last Halloween? Ludwig allowed a demon to share his body in exchange for temporary power to help fight off Merasmus. We thought it left afterwards, but he began acting strange. His behavior has only gotten worse, and recently, he talked Engineer into helping him build a cloning machine..." He circled behind Pauling as she stepped inside, shutting and locking the door before accompanying her into the main common room. "To make a very long story short, he created a clone of the enemy Spy, and he's become obsessed with it. Especially after Blu took the clone from him. Recently, he managed to capture it and bring it back here. Before he managed that, I will not lie, he said and did some rather threatening things to me, and has been hostile with many of the others as well."

"That doesn't explain why you haven't shown up for your missions. This all sounds absolutely insane!" Pauling piped up, going quiet again as she heard the distinct sound of the soldier, shouting something in another room.

"As much as I care about him, our docteur has become somewhat of a liability, miss Pauling." He took a long drag on his cigarette, stress etched into his face as he exhaled a long puff of smoke. "He has been so focused on getting the clone back that he has put many of us in dangerous situations, and once he did manage to get it back, he neglected his duties in order to focus on torturing the poor thing. Scout found it nearly dead, and we decided to stage an intervention. The Blu team did show up here, but they did not care for any intelligence or fighting, so we transferred the clone back to their hands. I assume that is the reason why they haven't been participating. We haven't been simply because our Medic is currently restrained in one of the storage rooms while Soldier attempts to make the demon leave."

Pauling stood there in stunned silence as the Spy explained what had been going on. After a moment, she finally removed her helmet, setting it on the table as she sat down.

"The Medic has been possessed this whole time? Oh God... That definitely explains some things. I can tell the administrator what's been going on, we can have a temporary ceasefire while we fix whatever is going on with Medic. That clone is going to be a problem though... Blu having an extra member on their team makes everything out of balance. Oh God, this is bad..."

In a storage room down the hall, Soldier knelt above the Medic's body, pinning him down as he held a crucifix in one hand, holding tight to the front of the Medic's shirt with his other.

"YOU WILL GIVE THIS BODY BACK, DEMON! THIS SOLDIER IS NOT YOURS TO POSSESS!" Jane Doe shouted through his teeth, his helmet discarded off to the side as he straddled the writhing medic beneath him, kicking and struggling as the Soldier pressed the crucifix down against the man's chest. "IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE, I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL SHOVE THIS CRUCIFIX SO FAR UP YOUR DEMON ASS IT WILL COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!"

The Medic continued to kick and struggle, trying to buck the other man off of him, a gutteral scream escaping him as the crucifix was pressed to his chest, the soldier using the brief moment of stillness to reach into his inner pocket of his coat, uncorking a bottle of holy water with his teeth and emptying the contents onto the Medic's face and into his mouth.

"THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DEMON HIPPIE! DRINK UP AND GET OUT!" The Medic coughed and sputtered beneath the Soldier's grasp, his eyes rolling back as he began to seize, eventually falling still, his breathing shallow and ragged. Exhaustion seemed to rush into the man's body, his face seeming more gaunt than before.

The soldier tossed the emptied flask of holy water off to the side, loosening his grip and shifting so that he was sitting off to the doctor's side, grabbing the man's glasses off of the floor and sliding them back onto his face, gently patting his cheek. "You hear me, Fritz? You better come back to me soldier!"

The medic groaned, coughing slightly, his pale blue eyes drifting to look at Soldier's face. After three days of trying to get rid of whatever had been possessing him, it seemed that Soldier's plan had finally worked... Although, it was hard to say what that meant for the Medic. All the same, the soldier grinned, content with his handiwork as he pulled the Medic to his feet, untying the ropes that bound his wrists together and slinging the other man's arm around his shoulders to keep him steady.

"Let's get you to bed, doc!"

Part 21

This one's definitely much more RED centered than the other ones, but don't worry! BLU will be back in the spotlight soon enough!

@thatonesimp-e @gravitytrips @aniolleq @realccre

#tf2 #team fortress #tf2 ocs #tf2 spy oc #tf2 fanfiction #TF2 Lab-Rat

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cheemscakecat · 10 months ago

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Alternate Tf2 Mercs

I headcanon that the Tf2 crew gets so used to the rotation of enemy teams - especially that one team that looks almost identical- that they just… see everyone looking identical to them except for their clothes.

Like they could look and sound very different in reality, but our RED team isn’t going to remember 9 faces and voices for each BLU team rotation, especially if there’s more than 5 in their general area.

That being said, I have some ideas.

A Scout from the Appalachian mountains who knows all the cryptid lore. So he’s not afraid to go into an unfamiliar forest, but gives other teammates an earful if they’re and I quote;“Disrespectful houseguests”.

A Scout who is obsessed with carbohydrates; he orders pizza, donuts, bread and pasta. [I saw a sad post of a Blu Spy shooting his son and saying that from the start, he didn’t want to have him. I imagine he got brought back by their Medic and left mercenary work to start his own bakery].

A Soldier from Russia that scares the others a little, since he was involved in the Attack of the Dead Men.

A Germaphobe Pyro who refuses to take off the mask in the dirty base, and uses fire to cleanse areas that are “biohazards”.

An Engineer who totally isn’t an alien who escaped Area 51, haha. He wears a hard hat that covers his ears and never takes it or the goggles off. Probably has unexpected allergies to Earth food.

‘Merican monster truck enthusiast Heavy from Florida.

Emo Medic with a monotone voice that likes to drone on about his favorite medical procedures.

High strung female Medic with a short temper.

Kleptomaniac Demoman that frequently gets caught wandering the battlefield and hoarding enemy supplies that he wants.

A Spy that sells his own teammates’ secrets to the Administrator, and who has more leeway for failure since he’s an asset. I imagine she values spies that are only loyal to her, especially so she doesn’t have to hire dimwit directors again.

#tf2 #dumb ideas #why was that sad comic on dadspy tumblr? O_O

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diamondphantom-art · 5 months ago

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oopsies the last team shot I posted was in August lmaooo I've had the sketch mostly done for a while, but I only just lined/colored today--

These are all the Pokemon Dia has that were first discovered in the Hoenn region!

Her outfit is based on another early outfit design she had (it's not her current one). ✩ Johto Team Shot ✩ Kanto Team Shot ✩ Hoenn Team Shot ✩

Click the read more to learn about each of the pokemon!

Flia —Shiny Flygon—♀—Brave Nature First encountered on Dia's journey through Johto, Flia was being hunted by Team Rocket. Dia jumped in to help; Flia, however, was not impressed. After following Dia for a while, and eventually chasing off the same Team Rocket members when they harassed Dia, Flia decided to stick around. Flia was quiet and mostly kept to herself until Burn (then Charmeleon) joined the team. They got along really well and she slowly became more confident and outgoing. Once Burn evolved into Charizard, Flia decided to pursue him as a mate. Burn was happy to reciprocate the feelings and they’ve been together ever since! They have two kids: Bia (Charmander) and Flurn (Flygon). Flia enjoys battling and is very fast and agile. Her preferred activity is spending time with Burn and taking long flights with him. Special Notes: One of the few team members that named themself.

Blu (Bluebell)—Minun—♀—Docile Nature Received as gift from Dia's brother Mitch. From the start, Blu was disinterested in battling and leaned towards contests/performances. Unfortunately, her stage fright prevented her from enjoying contests. Seeing her Pokemon feel dejected, Dia brought Blu to a Hatsune Miku concert. From then on, Blu became obsessed with Miku and Vocaloid in general. She spends a lot of time watching/listening to Vocaloid songs. She also helps out at the Violet City Daycare center along with a few of Dia’s other Pokemon. Blu sings them lullabies and is able to easily soothe and comfort them when needed. Special Notes: Wears a magnet item around her left ear Wats (Waterfall)—Swampert—♀—Quiet Nature Caught in the Johto region as a Mudkip. Wats and Spore (Breloom) were abandoned by a Hoenn trainer who had returned to Johto and given up training Pokemon. She's quiet, logical, and practical. The others know they can always rely on her whenever they need a helping hand. Wats is one of Dia's strongest and toughest Pokemon! Although she isn't very fast, she has good endurance and powerful attacks. When she's not accompanying Dia on adventures, she helps out at Cherrygrove Bay's beaches as a certified lifeguard Pokemon. Special Notes: Larger than most Swampert, but not max size. Spore—Breloom—♂—Naive Nature Caught in the Johto region as a Shroomish. Spore and Wats (Swampert) were abandoned by a Hoenn trainer who had returned to Johto and given up training Pokemon. At the surface level, Spore appears very polite and well behaved. That is, up until you look away briefly and turn back to find him eating out of the garbage. In a few words: no thoughts, head empty. When he's not trying to decompose trash and litter (with his stomach), he can usually be found in the forest communing with plants and grass Pokemon. Spore's main focus is maintaining the health of the local woods and the organisms that live there. Flurn—Flygon—♂—Jolly Nature The child of Dia’s Pokemon: Burn (Charizard) and Flia (Flygon) [Plus Eni (Ditto)]. He also has a younger sister: Bia (Charmander). Flurn is always obliviously happy. He loves flying around to view the sights and playing with his best friend, Miloh (Lucario). Sometimes, Flurn doesn't know his own strength and ends up wrecking things or hitting someone with his wagging tail. His speed and agility help him to avoid attacks on the battlefield while his strong attacks aid him in his victories. Special Notes: His mother, Flia (Flygon), named him.

#my art #dia art #pokemon #self insert #trainer oc #trainersona #dia oc #flygon #minun #swampert #breloom

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vivianbernadetteaurora · 3 months ago

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I give the 90s Viber a star sign it will definitely be Pisces energy, maybe also a bit of Aquarius energy for the difference, and the humanity of some of the nature but but a big butt in fact, a massive Uranus, Neptune, Capricorn conjunction which I was born in and I think went up to the early 90s, which then I didn’t even realise does make it Aquarius energy because Aquarius obviously comes after Capricorn and then we have Pisces, if you remember the 90s ages I was born in the early 90s so when it ended I would’ve been nine years old but I remember bits of it and if not, I remember the nostalgia of it. I know many people who were adults in the 90s because most of people I know if me and friends have been and told me it was the best times of their lives., dad brought me up an amazing music and musician himself and is, he’s from Liverpool and there was a massive Beatles fan, Eric Clapton, Dire Straits Pink Floyd, so out of music around me all different types. Being a young child, a young adults and adult or having any sort of connection to this era you know how, know nothing on telly was anything but the fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Simpsons, friends. Jennifer Aniston everybody wanted a Rachel haircut and I remember most people did have that laid out. We all had Barbies and babies baby born had nappies and you could feed., all different 90s adverts

When you grow up, you would make your own CDs and have your own collection where you would write on them and put all your favourite songs which would take a couple of days you would download all your songs from lime wire, and put your twist on and before that came along, we would record everything off the radio and record the charts and try to cut out the DJ every every time the song played out.

Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, had their infamous sex tape, a couple of the 90s, after Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love into the midnight till the 2000 and you would see them both in music videos on TV on different programs because they were everywhere even when they broke up you would see them on their own individual little path even to having a fight at the 2007 VMA

Leonardo DiCaprio with every girls crush at the time and every girl was obsessed withTitanic . I was too young to get this but all my sisters were into that film, while I was watching Beatles films over and over again, it was a happy time. I remember when Mars bars were cheap and bigger and things didn’t make you fat

You would have 50p pocket money for Penny sweets which you don’t really see any more either , every time I grew up and I saw the new technological thing come out my dad was obsessed with having the latest technology of something he has like one of the first iPhones or something it was an iPod , I hated all those things and I felt like I stand it against them. I enjoyed making the music from them but I didn’t like the idea of Blu-ray and 3-D calories. I just felt a distance towards it

And then we had the Spice Girls I had a lunchbox of the Spice Girls and a T-shirt and we remember Jerry Lee because Jerry was my favourite Spice Girl , for me as well my first obsession as someone autistic was Destiny’s Child. I knew everything about them. I knew every member every song and my first CD , I got asked for my dad what CD would you like at Christmas and it was between Samantha and mamba Destiny’s Child and I chose the writing on the wall , it was amazing. I love every tractor this day on that album , his child got a lot of shit at the time because of .

I want you to know that I’m doing so good good so good. I had to tell you, but I’m so good so good., so they had two members that left LaTavia and Latoya, and then they had another team members join Michelle and Farah, Farah Franklin got kicked out of the ground very quickly because Matthew knows was very strict with health, weren’t allowed any brakes, he was known as Joe Jackson of the 90s I guess, because of her strict he was on them and wipe them so hard so then they became a 3 piece, Beyoncé, Michelle and Kelly . I didn’t see it till years later, but Farrah went on the Wendy Williams show when she was a, and she was told that she was to look like Latvia because she was short and they died, they also tried to make her uglier because she was prettier than Beyoncé. In my opinion. She had green eyes and she was lovely and she always said and other people who said that the other girls when they went on holiday they would., Beyoncé had to wear a high factor so she was a lightest one on the group and, his mother was very racist and wanted to marry a white woman. and his Beyoncé s mum was creole , but she still got black.

Jennifer Aniston was not going for many, from the nineties to the 2000s till this present day people know what’s going on with Jennifer Aniston and will she ever have children?, We live through the Jennifer Aniston., Angelina Brad saga ,, people had T-shirt saying team Jen or team ange.

The best group of the time the best wraps group one of we had a major amazing rap in the mighty we had the Fugees , Lauryn Hill and the racism scandal of the fact that she said she wouldn’t want any white people to buy her music was it true? Wasn’t it? True we live through these dramas back of what people were saying what they weren’t , everything is captured and therefore , where is now these people who grew up in that time? Almost have to change their views and if they say nothing , say something they’re fucked. You can’t say anything. I’ll be anything without getting it opinion . Winona Ryder was the old alternative girl of, well if you are in a band you would have dated, was that Paleo and all the alternative Tim Burton films, and that pretty girl she even got done in the early 2000s for shoplifting for which she was so iconic and said it was a role in a film,

She’s still a bit Cookey people still do these days with Winona Ryder when she is a bit random at ward shows those strange things, cheated Johnny Depp before he got with Kate Moss he was her first of everything and there was a massive age gap between , Johnny Depp was in every film the night is that you can think of that was popular but also independent. He never wanted to be part of a franchise and then he became the pirates of the Caribbean boy . Everybody fancy Johnny Depp man fancy Jennifer Aniston Kate Moss was a model that everybody knew and was familiar with you to see the adverts of Remo London Bradshaw a.k.a. Sarah Jessica take over the airwaves with advert and performances, the adverts that you would remember for P1 on high essences herbal essence was a shampoo and conditioner , a conditioner could give you an orgasm . that’s it for now guys. This is my look of my own life through the 90s .

#fypage #astro observations #90s babe #90s #90s fashion #90s aesthetic #90s nostalgia #90s music #90s supermodels #nostalgia

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medics-secret-shipfic-folder · 2 years ago

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Concept Art for Alexander "Cutthroat" Ubel - Founder of the DAPC

Alexander "Cutthroat" Ubel - Alexander Ubel is the founder and current head of the Department for Anomaly Prevention and Containment, a largely independent branch of the U.S. government designed to secure and contain anomalous people, places, items, and events. The DAPC professes to protect the innocent from the unknown, but in practice, their goals are significantly more brutal and insidious.

Alexander Ubel founded the DAPC in the 1920's when he first caught wind of the Gravel Wars between Redmond and Blutarch Mann. Though he initially saw the territorial war as just that - a territorial war, Alexander quickly took notice of the anomalous people and events that the Gravel War seemed to attract; lunatics, crazed gunmen, bizarre machines, nonsensical space expeditions involving monkeys, life-giving metals, and Sumerian wizards were just a few of the things that caught Alexander's attention.

Believing the Gravel War to be a grave threat to civil society outside of New Mexico, Alexander founded the DAPC to secure the anomalous properties of the war to New Mexico and the surrounding deserts. This seemed to work for the most part as the Gravel War was largely contained to the disputed territories between Redmond and Blutarch, but the strange war would eventually prove too much and spill into other sectors of the world, much to Alexander's chagrin.

Though Alexander espouses a philosophy of protection, strength, safety, security, and freedom from the unknown, Alexander is a disturbingly violent and abusive employer who rarely follows his own creed. He is known for his explosive temper and his tendency to scream at his employees, often causing them to break down in tears. Alexander has very little patience for failure and will fly into a violent rage, usually taking his anger out on the nearest employee. This combined with his sheer size and strength makes him an incredibly intimidating man, and Alexander has no qualms with exploiting that fear for his own gain.

In addition to his abuses of power within the DAPC, Alexander also established a prison system across the globe designed to contain anomalous items and people in maximum security. These prisons are supposedly focused on research, but they usually devolve into rampant prisoner abuse and neglect.

Alexander also has a concerning obsession with complete and total control of his employees and indeed anything that crosses his path. He holds up loyalty as a core tenant of his philosophy, but in reality what he wants is mindless, uncritical obedience. He views himself in a manically egotistical light, often describing himself as "the only one who can make tough decisions." Because of this, he despises those who shirk his authority and he views disobedience as a massive blow to his ego.

His disturbing behavior, rampant abuse of power, and obsession with control makes Alexander a volatile and dangerous man, earning him the nickname "Cutthroat." His behavior arguably makes him more dangerous than the Disciples and the Shadow Blight. In fact, Alexander has attempted to contain the Shadow Blight following its release onto the world, but its continued resistance has rendered the DAPC increasingly weak as Alexander wastes his departments resources, even as the U.S. government breaks down in the midst of the apocalypse.

Alexander is also known to hold terrible grudges. For the last 20 years, Alexander has held a grudge against one particular BLU Team Fortress Classic mercenary for blinding him in his left eye. He won't say how he was blinded or indeed who did it, but he hopes to one day hunt down the mercenary that so boldly spat in the face of his authority.

My Deviantart!

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #take back the fortress #alexander “cutthroat” ubel #my art

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yanderes-galore · 2 years ago

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TF2 lol Blu scout crushing on Blu medic darling is cute, how'd you write a concept for him? Like Blu Scout is almost like Darling's assistant as they practice wrapping wounds, without hurting Scout, they're like son and parent, almost until Scout's feelings start turning into love, despite Darling seeing scout as their friend

Sure! Bringing back the BLU Scout from this short, say hello again to Jez (The name of BLU Scout in my fics so Red can stay Jeremy)

Yandere! BLU Scout with BLU Medic! Darling

Pairing: Platonic (Darling)/Romantic (Scout/Jez)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Jez is a fan name I made, Platonic relationship turned romantic, Brief mentions of poor family life, Obsession, Slight stalking, Jealousy/Possessive behavior, Delusional behavior, Forced relationship, Mentioned/Implied kidnapping, Drugging, Manipulation.

As BLU team's Medic you've always been kind, too kind at times.

The perfect counterpart to the RED team's Medic, Ludwig

Jeremy's counterpart is Jez, the BLU Scout.

You've noticed the two Scouts look eerily similar... but so do most of the counterparts.

Jez is reckless, not quite raised with self-care in mind.

But unlike Jeremy, he's kinder and not willing to hurt his darling for the most part.

Jez gets attached to you because you patch him up.

Not wanting the young merc to hurt himself... you even teach him how to wrap his own wounds.

Jez likes you for your caring personality and the fact you look after him.

You find out later during a conversation with him that it's because his father wasn't around for him all the time.

It was just him and his mother before he left for merc work.

When you offer to take Jez in as an assistant when not in battle, he's surprised.

Although... Jez quickly becomes eager to assist you around the medbay.

Jez sees you as a close friend at first.

You give him the care he yearns for and he learns some important life skills.

The bond between you is that of teacher and student, despite your ages being so similar.

Many on BLU team know how close you two are.

Although it gets annoying when in the heat of battle Jez refuses to leave your side, begging you to pocket him.

Jez loves to learn from you because it's an excuse to spend time with you.

You tell him what certain medicine does, like pain killers.

You also show him how to properly bandage wounds.

Jez looks up to you... he cares deeply about you.

A specific event has to happen to make him realize he loves you more than a friend.

Maybe you accidentally brush against him, causing his face to flare?

Maybe he sees you talk to someone else and he feels anger?

That or maybe a deep conversation makes him rethink things.

The point is something has to happen between you two for Jez to fall for you.

At first he's hesitant or even ashamed he feels this way.

Yet soon he wishes to pursue these feelings one way or another.

Jez still struggles with flirting and romance like Jeremy.

After all, Jez follows you like a lost puppy.

He tries to keep signs of his attraction subtle but others can tell.

Spy can tell that Jez looks at you like an idol.

Jez definitely pilfers through your medbay in search of something to keep or learn more about you.

He's embarrassed to ask Spy for help, but he just can't stop thinking about you.

He wants to be the best man for you!

Although... Spy sees how eager Jez is and tries to calm him down.

Something feels... wrong deep in Spy's gut.

"Okay... I want to tell 'em I love 'em. I want to know how to show dedication! Y'know... so they don't look at anyone else but me...."

"Are you sure you want to this, Scout? You may be making a mistake...."

"Mistake!? Never! I love 'em... nothing's gonna change that."

"And if they don't feel the same?"

"... they gotta. Why else would they take care of me? Why else would they show signs!?"

Jez does a lot more for you in his obsession.

He watches you when you aren't looking and is a very attentive assistant.

"Ah... I forgot something."

"Got it right here, sweetcheeks. Here!"

He loves the idea of it just being the two of you....

Jez may even be delusional, dedicated fully to the idea of being the only one for you.

He does everything he can to show you he loves you.

You see it as him being a friend... a close companion who you took in.

The moment Jez realizes his attempts at having you are fruitless... he tries other methods.

There's no longer any need to be subtle.

He confronts you alone, clinging to you in an attempt to make you feel what he feels for you.

He tries to brush against you, he spills private info to show he confides in you.

Jez prefers manipulation to get your attention.

He's still capable of violence but for the most part he just wants to use sabotage to earn your attention.

If you like someone else, he'll make up some rumor.

If you're oblivious or are attempting to reject him, he refuses to accept it.

He hates the idea of losing your attention!

Who's a better lover than him? Your assistant?

Teaching him medicines becomes dangerous as how he knows what drugs do what.

Expect either and injection or chloroform over your nose as Jez hushes you to sleep.

He doesn't like the idea of drugging you but will if he has to.

He promises to take care of you.

After all, you've taught him everything he needs to know yourself!

"I love you, baby... I promise I'll not only be the perfect assistant, but boyfriend too."

#yandere team fortress 2 #yandere blu scout #yandere tf2 #yandere tf2 scout #yandere tf2 blu scout

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dunkledog · 5 months ago

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Introductory Post !

I fear something of this nature is long overdue. So here it is.

I go by Lucifer and my pronouns are he/him. I'm an artist, I enjoy writing, and most of all I enjoy frolicking in anything TF2-related. Most of my art is somehow TF2-related these days. I'm back in the trenches of my biggest obsession hehee... I do have non-tf2 content that I may upload more of.

Unfortunately I don't post often. I'm more active on my main blog, @lucifer-the-fetus-eater, but I don't really post art over there, just general hijinks, rambling, and reblogging. I do dabble in SFM... So I might start posting stuff like that sometime. Who knows

For general warnings, I'm liable to post artistic depictions of blood and gore, possibly body horror, suggestive content, drug use, crude humor, and foul language. I will do my best to tag posts with the appropriate trigger warnings. Discretion is advised.

Now is a better time to mention than never that due to the general nature of my content, this blog is NOT intended for users under the age of 18. I apologize for not clarifying this sooner.

REGARDING ASKS:

I definitely should've been clear about whether or not I'm accepting requests. As of currently, I am not, since I have a bunch that are still sitting in my ask inbox and have been for months that I wanna try and fulfil before accepting any more.

I will, however, answer questions! I will answer questions about... like... anything, I guess. I'm afraid I might open pandora's box with that one, but to hell with it. Why not?

I don't want to make this too long, but below the cut I have described some blog-specific tags you'll start seeing on some of my posts.

!this post might change and update as time goes on!

Blog-specific Tags

#the magic renaissance - This is my main OC world. It's full of random fantasy crap I've cobbled together over the past like... 7-ish years. It's technically an urban fantasy since it features an alternate history Earth with magic and non-human sapient species and other neat stuff. The (segmented across time periods) story takes place surrounding six main characters. Heinz and Franz (Infernal Emperors), Adrik (Harbringer of Winter) Ritter and Winnifred (Twin Seraphim), and Connor (Son of Creation). There's a lot more, but idk how to condense it more than that just for this post.

#coarse gravel - The basic idea behind this one is "what if The Gravel Wars actually happened, and Valve was hired by the US Government to create a silly 'documentary' video game so no one would take it seriously?" It's like a version of the TF2 universe, but significantly less cartoonish with alternate, more disturbing lore. (With respawn mechanics inspired by Emesis Blue.) It takes place deep in the Rocky Mountains and focuses on the conflict between D.A.C.S, (aka Defense Area Control Squadron, a division or RED), and S.H.A.U, (aka Specialized Heavy Assault Unit, a division of BLU.)

#salem: supernatural reckoning - I haven't posted or mentioned this one at all as of writing this. Mainly because it's very new. It's way more of an elaborate shitpost than anything else... It's a TF2-based universe where these angel and demon teams run around trying to foil each other. I really let myself go crazy with this one. The conflict is between two angels of death-- one fallen, and the other still in reputable standing. One is in part responsible for the respawn machine, the other is trying to find a way to free the souls in its belly. You know how it is.

#blog intro #pinned intro #artists on tumblr #the magic renaissance #coarse gravel #salem: supernatural reckoning

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textingtroublesanswers · 6 months ago

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What was up with the other Blu Medic?

Ken shrugs, "From what pa said, he came in to replace their previous Medic, right as the Second World War was coming into full swing, sometime in '41. He was kinda like the Pyros were at the start; never took off his helmet, you could hardly understand what the man was saying cause of how it muffled his speech."

He scratches his beard in thought, trying to remember what all Fred had told him about the Classic Medic, "He was kooky, had a weird obsession with less... Nurturing aspects of his profession as a medic. Heard he was even something of a Battle or Combat Medic, too, but with poisons. When the RED Medic came here, the administration had to force him to change the formulas in his syringes, cause of how easy it was to wipe out an entire team in seconds with the right compound, as seen by what the old BLU Medic could do. They wanted something a bit more balanced."

He huffs, "Pa apparently found the previous BLU Medic talking to himself a few times. Laughing, & saying stuff that didn't really make sense to pa at the time. Dunno if he ever made sense of it in the end, though."

Ken shudders, "He was also real fast, real strong, & he had that self heal thing like the RED Medic. Fritz's self heal still ain't as strong as the other two's, which is a darn shame cause he dies so quickly."

"And, that's about it. The guy never took off his mask, never interacted with the other mercs as much, was very secretive & all that. And when the 1930s & 40s teams disbanded, he climbed into the nearest car & left. Haven't seen hide nor hair of him since, & I doubt anyone would've recognised him anyway, even if he did come back. He'd be somewhere in his 50s or 60s by now, anyway."

Ken shakes his head, "If you ask me, good riddance. RED Medic seems just as bad as the previous BLU Medic. I'd hate to have two of them running around on the battlefield like that."

#Texting Guests #tf2 #tf2 ask blog #tf2 blu engineer

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zerochanges · 2 years ago

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My 2022 Media Binge Reviews

I find myself somewhat circling the drain during the year of 2022, I don’t want to say I was repeating the same year as 2021, but I also can’t exactly say I was doing much differently. I think both years were hard on me but in some different yet similar ways. I still work the same job I hate and my anxiety has still gotten the better of me in a lot of the same old ways, but also new exciting ways! The older I get the more it feels like essays like these always say “well blank year was a hard year” so I don’t want to say that anymore but it’s hard not to want to complain about a year’s worth of troubles all the same.

Last year I was really able to overcome some grief in my personal life by finally taking the plunge and getting through Twin Peaks, a series that for years I wanted to finish but never got past the first season. It was incredible, and made a lasting profound impact on me. And this year honestly just saw me chasing that high in a lot of ways. I think the general theme of a lot of media I consumed was “Twin Peaks-like”. Sadly nothing seems like it will ever scratch that itch for me. I guess that just goes to show how unique and incredible Twin Peaks was—but at the very least I think some of the most fun I had this year was chasing that high all the same.

American Psycho

This year finally saw me getting around to watching American Psycho in its entirety. Now I've seen it plenty of times on TV in bits and pieces. I’ve caught parts of it, and generally knew the whole gist of the movie, but honestly I don’t think I ever watched it from start to finish before. The internet is obsessed with this movie, the memes alone it spawned are everywhere, which honestly kind of finally got me to get around to it.

It’s easy to see why the internet would become so enamored with a movie like this, Christian Bale gives such an incredible performance as the lead, putting so much energy and life into Patrick Bateman that almost every frame of the movie he is in feels like it should be hung up in some meme museum. I’m old enough to still remember when he was cast as Batman in the Nolan trilogy and the consensus was “how the heck can the murderer from American Psycho be one of the best superheroes ever?” It’s funny to me to see the argument flipped to “wow I can’t believe Batman was such a good murderer in this movie.”

But beyond the incredible cathartic violence, and over-the-top performances there is definitely a very scathing view of the American lifestyle and capitalist hellscape we are all trapped in nowadays that much like I mentioned in my anime list with Kaiji seems far more relevant today than ever before.

Dune x3

This year for me was the year of the Dune. With the new movie coming out near the end of 2021 I finally got around to grabbing it on blu-ray, and while I was at it I just couldn’t resist grabbing everything else too. I got Dune opinions, and they are about as crazy as you would expect from a hipster like me. So let’s talk about the three Dunes.

Jodorowsky's Dune, this 2013 documentary is all about the failed Dune movie that never was by visionary and art film auteur Alejandro Jodorowsky. Jodorowsky may not be a household name so just to get a little preamble out of the way, the man has made some of the damn craziest films around—and his breakout 1970 ‘acid westerner’ El Topo is considered by many film historians to be one of the first Midnight Movies, starting a much believed trend for cinephiles the world over.

Towards the end of 1974 the man attempted what was at the time thought impossible by adapting Dune into a movie and he developed a variable dream team of auteurs and creative talent to do it, which he called his ‘warriors’; many of said warriors would go on to become absolute legends of the industry while many were already legends. Jodorowsky’s Dune was the very first film that ever saw acclaimed legend H. R. Giger worked on a film for example, and beloved French artist Moebius did a ton of art designs for the project. It was truly a melting pot, almost like a mini ‘scene’ of its own that brought together an unbelievable amount of extremely talented people. It’s honestly not a stretch to say that without Jodorowsky’s failed attempt at Dune that there would be no Alien, there’d be no Star Wars, there’d be no science fiction as we know it today in American cinema.

Jodorowsky’s vision really only ever saw the original novel as a jumping off point of inspiration, the man himself never even reading the book. What he sought to create was both incredibly dense science fiction and incredibly philosophical spiritualism. The end of his proposed Dune movie honestly gives me chills, and hell if I don’t want to steal that idea for myself.

It’s hard to say what the finished project would have been like, Jodorowsky’s own ambitions and artistic vision is what killed the project, trying to turn it into a 10 hour epic of a movie! I often wonder why they just couldn’t make it into an animated series when that failed. I mean they had Moebius right there! But perhaps it was for the best. The failure of the movie saw incredible talent shift to the four corners of the wind and go on to create incredible work of their own in cinema. When it comes to lost or unmade media there’s a mysticism about it; “if only we could have experienced it”, and I think that’s half of what makes it so good. If it was real, who knows how good it might have been, in a way I am glad I got to be fascinated by this best movie never made.

Now let’s get to my hot take and just say it, David Lynch’s 1984 Dune is so much better than Denis Villeneuve’s 2021 Dune. There I said it!

Okay, please give me a minute to explain. Denis Villeneuve’s Dune is by far a much better made movie that has a better reverence for the source material and overall makes for a grander and more easily digestible sci-fi film that finally accomplices the dream started in 1974 by Jodorowsky to create something great out of Dune. It’s just that it’s just another good movie. Honestly a lot of good movies already exist. So yes I think for the normal person this is the one, watch this Dune and enjoy, but for hipster’s David Lynch’s Dune is where it is at!

Lynch himself hates the movie, it crushed his spirit and the man calls it the biggest sell out of his career. Yet I think it somehow is something special. The film is easily gorgeous and out-there levels of weird which I think is important for Dune, and is something Villeneuve’s film lacks in a lot of ways. The fight scenes are satisfying and action packed in Villeneuve’s film, making for a great Hollywood movie experience … but is that Dune? Honestly I think I like Lynch's extremely awkward and poorly executed bumbling drunk sad sack fights more. Those honestly feel way more like Dune. People flying around and spin kicking hundreds of dudes in the face is great, but I’ll take two dudes awkwardly dancing around each other while big blocky Minecraft shields glow over their bodies. Now this is my Dune, baby.

There’s something surreal in both the execution and visuals in Lynch’s take on the material that simply vibes with me more. Had the movie been cut properly by Lynch and not butchered by executives to sell the maximum amount of tickets, had it got the chance to be the longer length or two movies that Lynch wanted, I think it would be a much more beloved cult sci-fi film today.

In conclusion, I think Dune is an awesome story and great material to really get weird with, and honestly it’s pretty cool that there’s a lot of out-there interpretations to be enjoyed today.

One Piece

2022 saw me return to One Piece once again and picking up right where I left off after binging through Thriller Bark to Punkhazard in 2021. While I didn’t watch nearly as much as last year it almost feels like I did, as I was able to finish both Dressrosa and Zou before the year’s end. Now Dressrosa is such a dense and huge story arc that took up many months of my year. This arc being a whopping 118 episodes long is honestly just flat out ridiculous, this one story arc is longer than most anime! For those who might need a reminder, the entirety of Yu Yu Hakusho is 112 episodes long, Dressrossa is 118 and in-story the vast majority of it all takes place over a single day!

This is by and large the most ambitious writing Oda has ever attempted by this point in One Piece and it pays off in dividends as so much truly happens and the entire series as a whole really starts to show a lot of its hand. This is what the entire post time-skip One Piece since Fishman Island has really been leading into. Luffy’s little journey from a boy with a dream is truly maturing into a fearless and brave leader able to sway incredibly powerful cohorts to stand up alongside him against an all powerful and corrupt uncaring world government that is far more preoccupied with keeping its status quo and image than the lives of those they govern. Oda is able to create a venerable army for which Luffy to one day lead on his quest to become King of the Pirates, so many interesting and just plain fun characters are able to stand up not just as new game pieces on the board to lose to show how strong the enemy is but as honest to god equals to our protagonists and are able to hold their own against the villains alongside Luffy and his crew.

We learn more about the world and see Luffy take on easily his biggest fight yet against DoFlamingo, a character that has easily been hyped up for what, like 500 or something episodes? And just wow, what a villain, DoFlamingo is easily one of the most interesting and compelling characters in the series and just a straight up horrifying monster of a human being, if you can even call him that. Which is great because Luffy has another trick up his sleeve, Fourth Gear. I had seen it before online, being an anime fan means it’s impossible not to get One Piece spoilers but I don’t think I ever appreciated Fourth Gear until now that I’ve seen it in action. This new form is just incredible and so well made. It shows so much creativity from Oda and I love how BIG it is! Anime protagonists nowadays just keep getting hotter when they power up, even the new Dragon Ball series see Goku becoming increasingly prettier, I really missed this. Luffy gets thicc in Fourth Gear, this is what I want, go all out, just have fun being a cartoon again, let dudes have muscles on top of muscles–and no neck while you’re at it. Give these boys just ridiculous proportions, let’s make even Liefeld shiver. Bring back the beefcake.

Luffy didn’t have all the fun either, I think Franky had one of the best fights in the whole series when he went up against Senior Pink, a bare knuckles, no hold barred, man to man slug fest that easily goes on for something like 30 episodes straight of just two manly son of bitches beating the ever loving fuck out of each other. Zoro fighting Picca sees our greatest swordsman to be taking on perhaps one of the most insane action set pieces One Piece ever had. And then there’s great moments with the new characters like Bartolomeo and Cavendish and oh yeah, did I mention Luffy’s thought to be dead brother Sabo shows up and utterly steals the show for a good portion of the arc? The appearance of Sabo in the story utterly wrecked me. I cried when Luffy was able to see him again, it was such a beautiful reunion.

Dressrosa is truly an epic as far as anime storytelling goes but Zou also somehow delivers so much too and in general that later half of Dressrosa and almost all of Zou really proves that One Piece is able to carry so much forward momentum and still be able to go places even 700 episodes in. The plot has never been more interesting, the goal has never felt more obtainable, and the fun is still there. Right now I am about a quarter of the way through Whole Cake Island and trying to finish it too before my Funimation subscription runs out. I have a month to go but I think I can make it. Wish me luck/

Orpheus (1950)

In my quest to relive the emotions Twin Peaks gave me I watched Jean Cocteau’s 1950 French film Orpheus. Now the film is a (then contemporary) modern reinterpretation of the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice in modern day Paris. I’ll be real with you guys, I knew jack shit about Orpheus when I watched this, to me Orpheus was just “the master of strings” in Persona 3 so even now I can’t tell you if they did a great job transposing the story to modern day, but I can say what Jean Cocteau accomplishes in this film is nothing short of stunning. The surreal atmosphere and cinematography is easily breathtaking while the plot balances both being playful and light while also dealing with dense topics like love and suicide.

It’s easy to see why Jean Cocteau is a legendary film creator and why David Lynch considers this film such an inspiration to him. A lot of visuals very much so look like prototypes of what he would later go on to do in Twin Peaks specifically, even down to the iconic Black Lodge. But this isn’t just some Twin Peaks prototype, it’s definitely a damn fine masterclass piece of cinema, definitely worth a watch for its own merits. I would say the shot of the film that stayed with me truly throughout all year was when Orpheus and Heurtebise walk through the world of death, it is something I think about often.

Planet of the Apes (1968)

I’ve seen the original Planet of the Apes when I was a lot younger, and pretty much that was about it. Growing up the movie was parodied and paid homage to in everything from other movies and TV shows to the cartoons I saw as a kid. It’s easy to think of all those parodies and see the remake and the modern reimagined trilogy and think the original is just plain bad but no! It holds up insanely well. I was surprised to see just how good it still is. This is such an iconic science fiction classic and so much has to do with how sharp the writing is, the incredible acting of Charleston Heston, and yes, that legendary twist ending. I implore you, rewatch the first Apes film, you won’t regret it.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

I thought the first Sonic the Hedgehog movie in 2020 was a cute well made kid’s movie with just enough material for adults to enjoy thanks to Jim Carrey’s performance as Eggman elevating the material. But the sequel oh boy, this is legit the best video game movie I ever seen. This film captures the spirit and tone of the Sonic franchise perfectly. It’s a love letter to the entirety of Sonic the Hedgehog and just a damn fun action adventure. All the characters feel much better utilized and written, with even the human sidekicks like James Marsden’s character having a lot more to do and better material to work with. I had never seen so much reverence for classic Sega video games on the screen before outside of other video games than this movie, and it truly felt like my childhood was coming to life in ways I never imagined before.

Sonny Boy

This year saw me finally getting around to watching Shingo Natsume’s original 2021 anime Sonny Boy. This was a critical darling of the Fall 2021 anime season when it aired but having been burned on so many “deep” anime that weren’t I was weary of it during that time—and not to mention busy and never got around to it. I heard so much praise for almost a solid year though and it seemed utterly visually and narratively interesting so I finally cracked and watched it. Glad I did, it was a rare example of something living up to its praise.

Actually I got to be straight with you, here’s another piece of media that I honestly only watched because I desperately was begging to feel what I felt when I watched Twin Peaks last year. Sonny Boy is nowhere near that though but somehow is. It’s completely different but delivers a similarly dense and visually fascinating world. The music being done entirely by indie groups gives the entire atmosphere of the show a homemade feeling to it—the emotional core is often tinged with this sense of raw emotions that feel free from the corporate mainstream often overly produced music in most anime. Together with insanely complex visuals and free moving animation that isn’t stiff or obsessed with staying on model and we got something that just stimulates all the right sectors of my brain. And damn if I can’t stop listening to the tracks even now.

I guess what I want to say is I came for the Twin Peaks comparisons, I stayed for the depression and how beautifully the show paints the futility of life and what death means in a meaningless world. Watch Sonny Boy, while praised during its airing the show almost seems totally forgotten about. You’ll probably have a good cry while doing so, but it will make you feel truly alive.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2

Okay, this is another example of me knowing all about this movie because of the internet. There are so many clips and memes about this movie that I have obtained endless enjoyment out of but I never actually watched the movie properly. This year I decided it was finally time and on Christmas Eve, I watched the legend, and my God: Best. Christmas. Movie. Ever. I think I found a new Christmas tradition that I am going to do every year. This movie is downright hilarious, the memes don’t even do it justice, you have to experience the whole thing in context, it’s even somehow funnier that way. In all the best ways.

Eric Freeman’s acting is legit something I wish I could emulate. I want a whole movie or video game of just people going as hard as Eric Freeman in full earnest and not trying to ham it up. His screen presence is so funny, so magnanimous, so scene stealing, I can’t even breathe every time the camera focuses on him, I am utterly out of breath laughing every millisecond, on the floor gasping for air on the verge of death, but I can’t stop laughing. I just can’t help but love the movie even more as every minute passes.

And the story behind how the movie was made is even fascinating. If you get the blu-ray like I had to of course go out and find a way to buy it after watching it, there’s a great documentary on how the whole thing came to be. What started as a way to just re-edit the movie Silent Night Deadly Night so they could release it again and make more money turned into a passion project by the editor now turned director Lee Harry which is why he’s credited as both the director and editor of the movie. Harry took the old footage from the movie, turned it into flashbacks and made it into a sequel by shooting new footage. They honestly took a legit and serious slasher movie and turned it into the best comedy ever made. As far as I am concerned you don’t even need to watch the original Silent Night Deadly Night, just see all of it in Part 2’s flashbacks and bask in Eric Freeman’s life changing performance.

Stalker (1979)

Andrei Tarkovsky probably needs no introduction for film buffs but let’s just say for the uninitiated much like what I said about Alejandro Jodorowsky above this Soviet filmmaker is another auteur artist that is beloved in the world of cinema and leave it at that now because this list is already much too long as it is. Stalker is the first film of his I watched and one I wanted to see for many, many years—and one I only finally saw now because of my damn insistent pursuit of relieving the emotions Twin Peaks gave me.

Stalker a 1979 Soviet made science fiction film based on a 1971 novel Roadside Picnic which depicts a guide or Stalker taking two individuals through an incredibly dangerous location that is closed off to the public where extraterrestrials had once landed one night and left the next known as the Zone. The story fascinates me on so many levels because of my love of sci-fi, this thought that strange alien life interacted with a place on earth and left it so tangled up, so hard to navigate that common sense need not apply, that you have to go up to go down, you have to walk backwards to get forward, that at any moment some terrible curse could afflict you, that something you did upset the order of this strange land, that expert guides exist in this shady black market underground to take people on tours through it, and many traverse this illegal Zone because of the rumors of a room within it that can grant any wish your heart desires. How can I not want to see it? This is my kind of sci-fi. What I got … was something much different.

I was expecting this sci-fi epic, instead it’s very much almost not present. It’s more about the passage of time, what it means to be alive, the place of religion in the world, the meaning of living in a meaningless world, if there is any magic left to be had in a world where we understand so much thanks to science. The Stalker and the outlawed area of the Zone almost seems like reverence for magic that used to exist, an old world point of view that can still look to the stars and see Gods instead of just clusters of hot space gas. Stalkers with their silly rules; their going backwards to go forward seem like nothing more than that silliness, something modern people don’t need to do anymore. The Stalker in the film is often undermined by his two clients who constantly push their luck and break tons of rules he tells them not to. At its core it seems like a struggle between wanting to believe there’s something special in this life, and being a skeptic.

I wanted a sci-fi epic instead I got an artsy fartsy film that drinks way too much depresso espresso. Yet the magic of Tarkovsky’s film stays in my mind. The emotions I felt, the long shots that border on almost trolling you with boredom, they stay in your very soul. I still see the beauty of the undisturbed Zone when I close my eyes, the clearness of that water, and the magic of the bird disappearing into the dunes. The ending speech about time and what it means to all of us living from the Stalker’s wife, I hear it play back in my mind from time to time.

This isn’t really great sci-fi, I wanted to hammer that home to anyone listening, so your expectations aren’t all wrong like mine. But this is an incredible film that uses some very light sci-fi window dressing to convey incredibly complex emotions behind living in modernity. I recommend it a lot to anyone who can handle that fact.

El Topo, Holy Mountain, and Santa Sangre—or how I fell in love with that weird Chilean Movie Guy

Let’s get back to Alejandro Jodorowsky as he was a big figure in my 2022 media. It started with the documentary about his attempt at making a Dune movie in the 70’s but after that I had to know more about the man. This visionary auteur who took Dune and made this insanely almost religious spiritual epic in space, now this dude sounds incredible. Also holy crap it turns out David Lynch was a fan of his work too and you can easily find a lot of his work being repeated in Twin Peaks. Uh-oh, you know what that means, right? Yup, let’s keep this pursuit up, boys.

We’re starting with the 1970 ‘acid western’ El Topo, since I still have yet to see his first film 1968’s Fando y Lis (although I do have it, I just have yet to work up the courage to play it thanks to its infamy). El Topo is easily what truly started his career on the world wide scene and not just in Mexico where he started out, it was a movie that would become insanely influential to many creative talents from the Beetles to Suda51; in fact No More Heroes is almost a complete remake/reimagining of it but anime.

This western is no simple cowboy movie, it’s spiritual and just all out bonkers. It almost feels like two movies stitched together too. The first half sees El Topo, or “The Mole”, as this badass gunslinger taking down the four greatest gunslingers in the desert who are almost guru-like, in order to claim the title of the best gunslinger and spiritual enlightenment all so he can lay with some bodacious babe. He however fails at this and dies, only to be resurrected as some religious savior to a village of deformed people that live underground, and as a new man he tries to rescue the village and lead them to prosperity.

This film is weird, and like yeah, bonkers. The two halves are almost completely different movies yet somehow they work really well together. I think the first half is easily the part most people really will enjoy while the second can easily lose you. All that said though this is the film that easily got me excited for more from Jodorowsky.

1973’s The Holy Mountain seemed like a slam dunk, the movie about an alchemist training a thief that broke into his Tower to be his protégé then taking on seven wisemen with him to ascend a legendary mountain to find the secret of immortality is the insane kind of bullshit I want in my veins. It’s a … that is to say it’s … the thing about The Holy Mountain is … well I hope you like drugs. So yeah, hard to believe but El Topo, the acid western, was made sober, while Jodorowsky decided to really, how do you say, “expand his mind” , on his next film and it shows because I think you need to be on drugs to fully enjoy this one.

The film has an incredible beginning and an absolutely incredible ending with an insanely good and thought provoking twist at the very end but the middle is very meandering. The scene where the Alchemist introduces his seven wisemen just goes on for like ever. They pretty much stop the plot for a solid 50 minutes just to show vignettes about each of these characters and they are all very good, and interesting, and some insanely funny, but like bruh, the movie is just dead in its tracks for at least half its runtime to introduce characters that essentially just stand in the background after their introduction and that’s it.

As I said the ending is truly something special and that I cannot elaborate on because if it’s spoiled for you I can confirm it kind of ruins the whole movie. Yeah I knew the ending spoiler before I watched it and that just really took the wind out of my sails. I loved the beginning of the film to bits, the middle just would never end its nonstop barrage of introductions for what turn out to be NPCs, then the ending I spoiled, it was a boring experience for me.

Don’t spoil the ending, and I promise the dragging middle will be worth it. Probably.

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1989’s Santa Sangre or Holy Blood, is probably Jodorowsky’s most mainstream and easily digestible film. I’d also say maybe because it was his at the time most recent work, the film that David Lynch took the most inspiration from when he made Twin Peaks. If you watch some scenes in this one back-to-back with certain Twin Peaks scene, it’s definitely obvious what Lynch was watching at the time. Because of this I say it’s the movie of Jodorowsky I can recommend the most, it’s definitely the favorite of his I have seen so far. Hell I’d go as far as to say one of my favorite movies I ever seen.

Santa Sangre follows Fenix, a young man in a mental ward, and shows the story of his life and how he came to be in such a place. Fenix grew up in the circus, his father a womanizing drunk knife thrower and his mother a trapeze artist and also a devout Christian that runs her own crazy offshoot cult of Christ. It’s a fascinating childhood and the imagery is striking. It’s visceral and a wild ride but also something I have to tiptoe around and not explain a lot about. The movie is best experienced knowing very little about it. There’s a very apt comparison that can be made to a certain famous movie, film critics often call it “The Mexican version of [said famous movie]” and I wholly agree, but my God if you know said famous movie’s name that spoils way too much! Classic, film critics ruining film again.

I highly recommend this one despite almost bending over backwards to deny you too many of my thoughts on it. There are so many scenes that if I close my eyes I still see. The music is fantastic, the scene where Fenix plays piano is easily a stand out moment of cinema. This is the life story of one man I think you simply must experience.

Vinland Saga

The 2019 first season of Vinland Saga finally came out this year on special edition blu-ray and after waiting what felt like a lifetime I couldn’t be happier to begin my rewatch of the show. I know Sentai released their dubbed version of it back a year prior but I adored Vinland so much I wanted to wait for the special edition and I definitely felt it was worth the wait, as the poster proudly still is on my wall and I am never taking it down. When it comes to Vinland itself I will be brief and say it’s a fantastic anime, and one of the best the year it came out. I mainly just want to talk about this Sentai release which I found to be stellar, the special edition was of very high quality, like I said I love the cloth poster, and I very much enjoyed their dub. I thought the writing was much more naturalistic than the Netflix produced dub with better dialogue flow as well as being just dirty enough in the way Sentai usually is by sprinkling in some tasty F-bombs that most other dubbing studios would shy away from. I enjoyed how accurate it was, as an actual historian with a degree in this stuff it always drives me mad to see so much mainstream entertainment go for the bottom of the barrel easiest to understand AD over using Common Era, so I was glad Sentai used it. Also actually pronouncing the Nordic names correctly where the Netflix dub hilariously butchers all of them is a nice touch too.

Wild Palms

Wild Palms in a 1993 mini series that followed in the wake Twin Peaks mania. It’s very obvious how much the series wants to be Twin Peaks and often shows up in a lot of comparisons to it. It never quite reaches those heights however. Twin Peaks’ own mastery of mystery and otherworldly feeling just evades this production at every step but where it succeeds is capturing the other more humble aspect that made Twin Peaks great, the soap opera-like cast. It feels very much at home with the out-there and over-the-top quirky characters and I think is one of the best productions to capture that tone of the original first two seasons of the series. It probably helps that it was a Twin Peaks inspired production that was actually made during that 90’s era where soaps were still king on TV.

Where Wild Palms differs however is how the plot is far more science fiction based and often attempts to juggle complex conspiracies about religious and political leaders and it stumbles at times but by the end is able to actually pull off a fairly interesting story. Sadly the biggest hurdle is maybe the funniest thing. The series stars Jim Belushi and I’m sorry, he gives a great performance in a dramatic role of a father and businessman trapped in some crazy far right religious cult taking over corporate America through the mass media.

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But it’s Jim Belushi, he has such an iconic and recognizable comedic voice and presence that it can be downright hilarious in really unintentional ways. Jim Belushi’s son in the series, an evil genius child, also suffers a lot from this because … it’s a very young Ben Savage. Yes, Cory Mathews is in some Shin Megami Tensei like end of days cult in this. And you know Ben Savage does an excellent job, you can see why he would become a lead in Boy Meets World after this, even as a child he’s a great actor, but it’s Cory Mathews, in a seat of power, in a cult that is trying to take over the world.

So yeah, the casting is kind of ironically funny today in 2023, especially for millennials, but the series does run a lot of great ideas and by the end of this short 5 episode mini series I was hooked. Some of the dream sequences are downright incredible and almost feel like they could have occurred in the Black Lodge, it’s definitely where the series cribs a lot of its ideas from Twin Peaks.

The Wind-up Bird Chronicles

If you know me personally you know I have an absolute obsession with the hit indie RPG called YIIK: A Postmodern RPG. Yes, truly a masterpiece that is beyond the understanding of a normal human being. Okay, enough snide, YIIK is a downright meme but it fascinates me endlessly. I spent so many years of my life reading about it and watching videos on it, and seeing playthroughs of it. Maybe one day I’ll actually play it … although I don’t think I’m that crazy. It’s a bad game but there’s a lot of creative ideas behind it and I want to say the creators’ commitment to their art is praise worthy, I have nothing but respect for Brain and Andrew Allanson and I mean this sincerely. They messed up, big time, but they created something with all their heart, they shouldn’t be made fun of for that.

Andrew Allanson the writer of YIIK is a huge book nerd, and often cites Haruki Murakami novels as his big inspiration with his 1994 novel The Wind-up Bird Chronicles as the biggest. And it shows, having read it now because of my YIIK obsession yeah, so many of the best and most creative ideas I thought were in YIIK are definitely just from this novel. That isn’t meant as a insult though, if anything like me questing to see all of David Lynch’s inspirations for Twin Peaks it just shows the creative process, we are the media we consume, and in turn we take that and turn it into our own thing.

#New Years #David Lynch #alejandro jodorowsky #silent night dealy night part 2 #sonny boy #one piece #american pyscho #Dune

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