#very naughty jonny

[alittlebabybuckland]

I missed a couple of these, lmao woopsie, been quite busy- 😅

Quote of the day today:

"Well we like it cuz it's got boobs on it-" - Jonny..

[whatever-local-cryptid]

Thought#94 of ?

I’m still here, I’m still buried here.

…

I’ve been here since THIS POST-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!

At this point I’m just more scared for myself, like- am I just gonna live here or will something else shiny take my attention?

Also you would think there would be more fanfics with Geoffrey as a werewolf or some other supernatural twist, other than the naughty turning route. Not that I don’t love the: Immortal Endgame but I think it would be neat.

But I also haven’t carved my way through FF.net just to see, yet.

(Update: There were only 3 works.)

The very rare MaryLives! works are also few, and I know why because: Canon and SUFFERING. But can’t Jonny have nice things too?

He’s so sad, he’s either a bratty shit who is half mad or a snappy shit who’s sad and half mad trying to overwork his undead self. Also never realized how creepy Edgar was either when watching the gameplays, but like…

The fetishist jab in a lot of fics wasn’t all that off the mark. And unethical medical practices, I would never turn him. He fucked around and he can find out.

And Elisabeth…

I get that she’s a pretty gal and a “romantic” interest in the game but she and Jonathan had no chemistry beyond friends. She has an interesting story and background but Jonathan was literally a stumbling newborn who couldn’t believe she wasn’t his maker. Bro doesn’t listen. Not dissing the people who like the Jonathan/ Elisabeth route, I’m just saying it was a fucking surprise to me.

Realistically, Jonathan should have been more concerned with his remaining family, despite his condition, rather than running off with an immortal and abandoning them. That really pissed me off. Like TF??

I dunno, the game is good. The fanfiction and fanart for the game AND for the fanfiction is just so damn awesome. It makes me happy, so I can see why I’m still stuck here.

I’ll definitely be back to rant again.

[vampiremeerkat]

Can you say some of your favorite Ed, Edd, n Eddy quotes in your native language?

You're asking me to quote a dubbed version of a series I last watched about 15 years ago, only when I happened to catch it on TV, which is untraceable on the internet and has never been released on any video tape or DVD set. I remember some dialogue, but I can't say it's my favourite or claim 100% accuracy. Eddy: "Ik ben te jong..! En heel erg knap.." ("I'm too young..! And very handsome..") Eddy: "Watje. We verknoeien tijd. Jonny is nu weerloos." ("Wimp. We're wasting time. Jonny is defenseless now.") Ed: "Dubbel D's benen zijn weg." ("Double D's legs are gone.") Edd: "Waarom liggen Eddy's kleren op mijn vloer, loopt tie soms weer bloot rond?!" ("Why are Eddy's clothes lying on my floor, is he perhaps walking around naked again?!") Lee: "Ik ben gek op die kleine schreeuwlelijk, oeh..!" ("I'm crazy about that little loud mouth, ooh..!") May: "Lekker fris!" ("Nice and fresh!") Jonny: "Hoi Jimmy. Is dat een stoute beer..?" ("Hey Jimmy. Is that a naughty bear..?") Jonny: "HIJ IS BOOS, ZEG IK JE, BOOS!" ("HE'S ANGRY, I TELL YOU, ANGRY!")

[thejacksmit]

First Take: Wicked Little Letters - Colman + Buckley + swearing = madness

SYNOPSIS: When people in Littlehampton--including conservative local Edith--begin to receive letters full of hilarious profanities, rowdy Irish migrant Rose is charged with the crime. Suspecting that something is amiss, the town's women investigate.

When the first promotions for this film rolled out at the end of last year, a lot of audiences were taken back by the bonkers nature of this TRUE story. But when you add two fine comedic actresses in their own right, as well as a swear count so large it would outnumber the Glaswegian reaction to the Wonka experience which was in the news this week, you end up getting this: a decent enough film for what it needs to be.

Thea Sharrock is in the director's seat for this 1 hour 40 minute ‘experience’, and while it is paced well, there are a few minutes that could’ve been tightened up to hone it all in and keep the story going, but it is passable enough for what it needs to be (especially with Film4 putting money into it). My main bugbear lies with Jonny Sweet’s script - yes, it passes the 6 laugh test, but if this was a 12 certificate film though, without as much of the spicy language, then the film just wouldn’t land- as unlike the trailer above, it's all uncensored in the film itself. The whole mystery of who’s sending the letters relies on the choice words in them, making the BBFC’s decision to pass it at 15 for very strong language totally justified. The legendary Ben Davis is behind the camera, and in true British indie film style, a familiar last name to TV viewers provides the score, as it is Isobel Waller-Bridge (yes, Phoebe’s sister) in charge of the music.

On to the cast then, and what do you say about the combined power of Olivia Colman and Jessie Buckley? They have worked together before on a more serious film (2021’s The Lost Daughter), so to see them flex their skills in a black comedy, something Colman especially is rather good at, is ultimately this film’s USP. Plus this is a good supporting cast too- Timothy Spall, Dame Eileen Atkins, Anjana Vasan, Malachi Kirby, Joanna Scanlan, Gemma Jones, Lolly Adefope and Hugh Skinner all round out this group relatively nicely. But I have to take a moment to mention, once again, young Alisha Weir - the last time she was seen on cinema screens she was singing about being a little bit naughty, and on her second film, with Buckley by her side, she’s a scene stealer. For what it’s worth, this film isn’t one to be taken seriously, but one designed for those wanting a good, fun film to watch with mates.

THE VERDICT

For a comedy film inspired by true events, Wicked Little Letters just about delivers on the high expectations that the now-viral trailer set out, and while it could do with a few trims to tighten it here and there and a script that works without the swearing, the nuance of Colman and Buckley just about keep this film on the right track.

RATING: 4/5

[welcometogrouchland]

My pitch for the tma Christmas special Jonny and Alex joke about in one of the Q and As is as follows:

Annabelle is the narrator connecting the bits, rhyming “twas the night before Christmas” style

Nikola posing as a mall Santa to scare children. Breekon and Hope are dressed as elves

An eye-alligned statement about a child overcome with paranoia at the thought of Santa watching their every move to determine whether or not they are naughty or nice.

Martin shopping for a gift for Jon but being unable to find anything that can't be associated with the entities in some way. He is accompanied by the rest of the archival gang (aka Tim, Sasha) who suggests the worst possible gifts on purpose.

A buried themed statement about the terror of Christmas shopping. both the pressure of finding the right gift and the literal sensation of being suffocated by crowds of shoppers

a Christmas carol parody- in which Jon falls asleep at his desk after staying late at work, despite it being Christmas eve. he is greeted by the “Ghosts” of Gertrude, Gerry and...idk Leitner?? all of whom detail the miserable Christmases they’ve had, lost in their work on the entities

Gerry cautions Jon to at least try and enjoy the holidays, Jon wakes up, realizes the true meaning of Christmas, throws his phone into the ocean and starts running towards the airport (or rather, martin), etc etc

avatar holiday party hosted at the institute that goes horribly wrong, set from Rosie's POV as she watches the chaos unfold.

Melanie at a bar with Daisy and Basira getting Christmas drinks, with Melanie complaining about Georgie being busy. the bit is quick, ending when the trio realizes that the band about to do a cover of The Ramones “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight)” is in fact Grifter’s Bone. insert joke here about not getting a day off on the holidays

The penultimate segment is an episode of What the Ghost! In which Georgie attempts her usual spooky fair, but laments not being able to spend it with Melanie, busy on the grind (mattress ads).

speaking of ads, they’re egregious this episode, finally causing Georgie to break, ranting about how Christmas shouldn't be the commercial juggernaut it is today, but an honest religious tradition, a simple time to spend with those you love. This last comment has Georgie trailing off, before signing off abruptly, audibly running out of the room

the finale is where all our unrelated bits converge:

Martin, Tim and Sasha go shopping for gifts at the same shopping center where Nikola is terrorizing children 

the two statement givers from before are there as well (one is currently being crushed under a fallen display while the other is in line to meet Nikola Claus)

Tim sees Nikola and it’s on SIGHT. the parents are horrified as he destroys the display and violently attacks what they thought was Santa Claus but the kids think he’s a hero

the girls show up from the bar where they may or may not have made a row about a fake fire to get the bar to evacuate, which then escalated into a real fire

Jon and Georgie burst in at almost the exact same moment, awkwardly acknowledge each other, respectfully giving the other the space to have their Big Romantic Hallmark Movie Moment

martin realizes he still hasn’t found a gift for Jon, when Jon says he doesn’t care about trivial material things, he’d be happy if martin had just written him a poem, honestly

martin, who has spent the last month writing about candle-lit windows and sparkling snowfall in the city and the orange glow of streetlights on his boyfriend’s face: uhhhh funny you mention that-

martin’s poem blends in with annabelle’s narration as she addresses us, announcing how she set everything up to happen from the start, it was her all along, also maybe the non-canoncial aspect is explaine by her looking into other realities via the crack in hilltop road. she wishes us all a very scary christmas and launches the tape into the void, presumably to entrap more people into the web’s seasonal scheming

this post is too long and sincere to even constitute a joke and i’m ashamed of it. genuinely apologizing for putting this on your dash. happy holidays.

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

Dropping a very specific bomb on all of you tonight.

Here is the full video.

Apparently Taron and Jonny had "met a couple of times" before filming Testament of Youth together, and there had been quite a few "hilarious hotels" and "late night bonding". I'm not going to say a lot more about how naughty he looks while saying all this, but you should definitely consider that, too.

Here, now you know. Mind = blown.

(Full credit to @goldencupcake38 for opening my eyes to this. ❤️)

[trensu]

Jon's Creeping Terror Fun Fact Corner!

You know how Cecil has his Fun Fact Science Corner segment on his radio show? Well, Jon has his own show produced by The Magnus Studio. It's an educational kids show all about the Entities of Fear!! It's a very specific kind of kids show. You know the ones. Those kids shows that children are absolutely mad for but any adult in their vicinity is left deeply unsettled by them? Yep. On the surface, the show seems fine but if any adult dwells on the content for more than five minutes, they are left feeling very very unnerved, especially since the host, one Jonathan Sims, seems more than a little unhinged half the time.

The show is so popular it gets almost 15 whole episodes! (It gets cancelled at 14 bc at that point it had received far too many retrospective complaints from parents to continue any further). Sometimes, the episodes even have special guests!! Although it got cancelled, you can obviously still find it on the internet if you know where to look. There's even compilations of all the show's best Unhinged moments.

--

The Vast Episode

Jon: Today's episode is about the Vast! And to tell us more about it we have Simon Fairchild visiting us. Kids, if you ever see this man in person, please run very far in the opposite direction.

Simon: Thank you for that warm introduction, Jon. Now children, who here likes ROLLER COASTERS?

Jon: And that's it for our special guest [proceeds to literally kick an old man until he's off screen] Do not trust this man and please be careful when going on roller coasters in the future.

--

The Lonely Episode

Jon, reading from the teleprompter: We have an expert of the Lonely with us, Mr. Peter Lu--what? No!! Why's he here? Get him off my set! What do you mean no? I don't care how much funding he gives the studio!! He tried to take Martin away!

[scene cuts off and starts back up with Martin sitting next to Jon, looking particularly sweet and cuddly in a knitted jumper]

Jon: Here we have m-my Martin, I-I mean my ASSISTANT Martin Blackwood. Say hi to Mr. Blackwood, children.

[Jon is a twitchy mess and cannot even look at Martin's direction. Martin looks flushed]

Martin: Er, yes, h-hello.

Jon: Martin has experience [this is hissed with all the venom he can muster] with the Lonely. He's going to teach us the best way to avoid that evil, conniving bast--

Martin, hastily cuts in: Yes, well! Kids, who do you have in your life that you love? It can be anyone! Your siblings, your pets, your friends! Anyone at all!

[at the edge of the set, just barely visible, Peter can be seen crammed into a cage gleefully guarded by Daisy]

(it's during this episode Jon finds out that he's not allowed to use naughty words on the show. All the stuff with the murder and the skinning and the worms and such is fine! Just no cussing. Jon is befuddled and aghast. This is why Hopworth was not allowed as a guest; he's a very swear-y man)

--

The Corruption Episode

[Jon is seen clutching a jar of ashes throughout the entire episode with absolutely no explanation as to what it is or why it's there]

Jon, gesturing manically: and that's why it's important to see a doctor when you're sick and have an exterminator on speed dial.

[Martin comes onto the scene with a worried look on his face. The screen goes to black for a moment, then reappears with Jon still clutching his jar but looking significantly calmer. He smiles at the camera and it almost looks normal]

Jon: To finish the episode, can you demonstrate the proper handwashing technique we taught you at the start? Be sure to tell your parents what you've learned about infection control and have them show you where the CO2 is kept in your home!

--

The Hunt Episode

Jon, earnestly happy: This is my best friend Daisy! She's going to help us learn about the Hunt. She's one of the bravest people I know.

[Daisy turns away to hide a shy smile before clearing her throat and starting in on a rehearsed lecture. The episode ends with her and Jon making the children repeat the "don't listen to the blood, listen to the quiet" mantra and also "all cops are bastards."]

(Basira, in post production: ...yeah, that's fair.)

--

The Flesh Episode

Parents are horrified when they hear their children singing "you are what you eat, meat is meat!" whenever they play after that episode airs.

(Martin: Just to be clear, we're encouraging cannibalism??

Jon: no! ...maybe? i don't know, Martin, they told me it tested well with the focus group children

Martin: yes, okay, but WHY did you come up with that jingle?

Jon: Don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy, Martin! I wouldn't just eat a person. But, well, if someone asked me to eat them like, after they died, I wouldn't necessarily say no...?

This conversation was recorded and leaked somehow. And that's how Actual Cannibal Jon Sims became a trending meme. He has to do a PR statement confirming that he "has never knowingly eaten a person" and that that was "a completely hypothetical discussion." This convinces as many people as you think it would.)

--

The Stranger Episode

Nikola: I don't much like children. Not enough skin on them to do anything really fun.

Jon: Why are you--how did you even get in?? S-Security! Someone come get her out of--

Nikola: oh, but I have information for the little ones! [she pulls out a basket of high-end skincare products and looks directly into the camera with her featureless face] These are the lotions that are best for Archivist flesh but I'm sure they work for the kiddies as well! You all want to grow up to have lots of beautiful skin don't you? Here, let me show you how to use them! [attempt to lotion Jon]

Jon: [flinches away] Security! O-or Daisy. DAISY!

[growling is heard and we get a flash of a wolfish Daisy body-slamming Nikola to the ground. The rest of the episode has Tim shoving Jon off screen and going on a rant about circuses and how to best explode them. This becomes one of their most popular episode amongst the children]

--

Breekon and Hope show up occasionally in the background of various episodes and become something like an Easter egg for fans of the show.

Anyway, I love the idea of kids adoring socially awkward, neurotic mess of a man Jonathan Sims. Jon is completely confounded by his popularity but also, he's glad of it bc that means the children will be more prepared if they ever encounter any of the Entities (most parents think it's all fiction, except for the ones who've had Encounters with one of the entities; Jon ends up with a sort of underground cult following comprised of survivors of fear encounters)

I blame @lemonisinplay (and Jonny Sims) for the entirety of this post, tbh. She came up with the name and half the stuff here XD

[saucerfulofsins]

I just want to publicly announce that @bowlbirds is an enabler who keeps adding new “to do”s to my fic list and it’s the worst:

- Okay I came up with a 17th century baron Kaner & farmer Jonny myself, and with the help of a bunch of other people, and I’m still obsessed. Don’t let me do research into fruit manuals to see which fruit was considered an aphrodisiac. I already might.

- And there’s a 1988 musician au somewhere that was actually @bagelhagel​‘s fault

- But bowlbirds was definitely the one to suggest dryad Jonny and Patrick and like ... that very quickly evolved into nectar jizz? (Don’t ask, seriously, you don’t want to)

- Somewhere in between something about Jonny fucking Patrick lookalikes and it’s angsty but then less angsty, and I’ve talked about this with more people too, and I’m pretty sure I came up with this one myself

- There’s also a cocktail bar thing where Jonny’s an ex-NHL barista and also an Experienced Bisexual and Patrick is a closeted gay current NHL player and they’re both idiots (in love)

PS there is internalized homophobia and shower sex in all of these (except maybe dryad AU, they probably fuck in the rain though) because I have no self control and I DO have a brand.

Here have an early modern peach drawing:

according to John Gerard’s Herball, they cause “[e]ngender naughty humors”

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Trapped” Part 2

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 1      Part 3     Part 4    Part 5

The Joker feels your hand searching around and he knows what you’re looking for: the yellow teddy bear.

“Here Pumpkin,” J gives you the toy that landed on the other side of the bed during the night; a couple minutes pass and his cheek is covered in soft kisses. He opens one eye and you instantly pretend to be asleep.

“I’m onto you, Y/N!” The King of Gotham sneers while you giggle at his affirmation. But as soon as he pecks the scar on your collarbone, your attitude changes.

“No…”, you whimper and cover your face with the sheets.

“I told you before I don’t care about scars,” The Joker tries to reason with you because it happens each time he touches the numerous stitch marks scattered all over your frame: some are deeper lacerations perfectly normal after the surgeries you sustained, others are cuts that might diminish in a few months. “Princess, are you listening?” J traces the lesion on your wrist.

Y/N is so stiff though he has to fight in order to pull the covers away from her.

“Hey…hey… See? I have scars too,” The Clown attempts to distract you. “Are you having a panic attack? No need to!”

You try to keep up with what he’s saying and it’s pretty difficult giving the circumstances; at least you do understand J is making you relax.

His cell phone starts vibrating on the nightstand and he reaches for it.

“Perfect timing, Frost!” The Joker takes his frustration on Jonny. “What do you want?!!”

The short conversation ends fast with The King yelling a bunch of angry stuff, including an interesting grand finale: “Next time you interrupt when I’m on a roll struggling to get laid, maybe you’d like to intervene and convince Y/N her scars don’t bother me!!!”

Why is he mad?...

You watch him toss the phone on the floor and crawl by him, intrigued.

“Upset?” you begin caressing his hair with the teddy bear’s paw.

“My throne won’t be ready until June, Princess! I requested that fancy chair for a reason and paid a fortune to have it customized! What am I supposed to use at the club?! I don’t like the old furniture anymore!!”

You already lost track of what he’s saying: something about not having a throne???… … …

Oh, there’s one really close by!

You grab The Joker’s arm and drag him out of bed towards the bathroom.

“Where are we going?” he inquires, confused.

You quickly guide him to the toilet, making J sit on the closed lid.

“Throne,” you point at the porcelain bowl and The King of Gotham frowns, immediately bursting into laughter afterwards.

“You’re brilliant, Pumpkin! Brilliant!” he praises your interpretation as you are pulled on his knees.

“Hm?”

“You’re a clever Kitten and whoever says otherwise is an idiot! Turns out I do have a throne,” he admits and gropes you.

Too much for your brain to decipher all his sentences, yet Mister J seems content and that’s enough for you.

“The plan for this morning is simple,” he continues. “We’ll have sex, then take a shower and whatnot, then eat breakfast. Later I have a meeting; you just stay here and wait for me, alright?”

“Mmm…” you hesitantly process the words coming out of his mouth, opting to agree for his sake. “Ok?”

“You naughty girl,” he pulls down on your tank top spaghetti strap. ”I know you hate me sometimes, but in the end can’t resist my charm.”

“No hate… Love,” you snuggle to J while he walks back into the bedroom carrying the sweet burden of his existence; of course he ignored your statement because why would he pay attention to nonsense?

*************

You’re outside the car and sulk when Alice sneaks on the passenger’s seat that literally belongs to The Queen.

“Stay here, Princess. I won’t be too long,” The Joker mutters.

“W-why?” you ask since you are not a fan of the idea of having your boyfriend’s ex riding alone with him.

“You get bored at meetings,” he explains. “Circle the property and let the boys know if you need anything,” J emphasizes and drives down the path leading to the gates, leaving a puzzled Y/N behind: you never liked Alice and that didn’t vanish after the accident.

“Bye, Y/N!” she shouts and you can’t make a lot of sense of what you’re feeling, still one detail is certain: it hurts.

How come you couldn’t go?! Why didn’t he give you a choice?! He always does.

If The Joker thinks you can’t put two and two together these days, he’s very wrong.

“Y/N recovered quite nicely,” Alice smirks.

The King of Gotham sighs and she fixes a rebel strand of green hair rebelliously flying over his ear.

“I was wondering if you’ll call me at one point. I missed you, babe.”

“Did ya’?” he scoffs at her bold confession; but she’s a direct person, one of the qualities J admired when they were an item.

“I can’t image how you two function; I mean… her unfortunate transformation, it must be hard for you to put up with someone fighting to comprehend the easiest tasks.”

“It’s not easy,” The Clown admits and gazes at her: Alice dolled up for their rendezvous. Everything he considers attractive is there: beautiful pair of legs popping from under the short skirt, his favorite perfume discretely lingering on her flawless skin, the tip of the purple lace bra she’s wearing casually showing each time the woman leans forward.

“I bet,” Alice pretends to sympathize with his problems. “A man like you has needs that I’m positive Y/N can’t even remember how to satisfy,” she pats his thigh, slowly working her way to his crotch.

The Joker chuckles, accomplice with her insinuations, also super annoyed when his phone rings.

“Yes?” he promptly answers.

“Sir,” Frost reports, ”we have a situation; Y/N is increasingly agitated and…”

“Deal with it!” he hangs up and strives to cruise straight despite the sexy distraction urging him to do otherwise.

“Why did we split?” she scoots closer to him, pouting.

“Beats me,” J purrs as she squeezes her fingers in his pants’ pocket.

“What’s this?” Alice rattles the small plastic pouch.

“Y/N’s anti-inflammatory drug; there’s not much that can be done now and this is helping with the blood clot pressing on her frontal lobe. The doctors say it will reabsorb; granted it won’t matter regarding her cognitive impairment.”

“Awww,” The Joker’s past flame pretends to be affected by his briefing. “That’s too bad, babe; probably the future is not too bright…” she shoves your pills in the glove compartment. “Why don’t we reconcile? You know I’d do anything for you,” the flirtatious tone makes J reply:

“Would you jump in front of a speeding car like Y/N did to save me?”

“Ha! I would,” she elbows him, snickering at his antiques.

“Prove it then,” J growls. “Get out of the vehicle and don’t flinch if I run you over. If you survive, I’ll take you back!”

Alice opens her mouth in amazement and the SUV halts before The King reprises driving.

“Got cha’!” he cracks up at her baffled reaction.

“For God’s sake, babe! You scared me!” she playfully pinches him and teases: “Are we going to our spot?”

“I was wondering when you’ll notice,” The Joker navigates the unpaved road guiding the automobile towards Clear Sky Summit.

“Pull over,” Alice urges him and he complies at once. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time,” she moans climbing on his lap. “I can tell you missed me too,” the woman grins at his body’s response.

“That’s my gun,” J buries his face in the revealing cleavage, firmly holding her waist.

“I bet it is, babe,” she winks while unbuttoning his silver shirt. “I love you!” she tries to bite him and he violently yanks her long hair, snarling.

“Is that why you tried to kill me?”

Alice cautiously exhales, a bit nervous at the switch in his demeanor.

“What are you talking about?!”

“Who was driving the car meant to hit me, huh? Tinted windows, no license plate.”

“Babe, you’re hurting me,” she winces in pain at his strong grip. “I swear I don’t know anything!”

“Are you sure?” J sniffs her scent.

“Yes I’m sure! I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our…”

“Our what? What exactly our means in this context? We separated more than two years ago!” The Joker crushes her spine against the wheel.

“Babe, let go!” Alice wiggles in his tight embrace.

“Why did you do it? Were you jealous I found a new fling? Took me months to track the culprit!!!” J restricts her movement when she stretches to open the door. “You fucked up my girl!” his hands forcefully twist her neck and the snapping noise of fractured bone halts the argument.

The Joker pushes the corpse off him, numb to the murder he committed out of pure rage: what’s another name added to the list?

Yet… this was personal.

He keeps staring at the trees surrounding the trail without discerning their shape. 30 minutes pass and the phone’s alarm alerts him it’s time for your remedy: The Clown Prince of Crime is so out of it he doesn’t stop it until he’s on the main road.

He speeds up to ensure a timely arrival at the mansion where Y/N will definitely confront him after being abandoned in such fashion: the truth is he doesn’t mind.

What he does mind though is that no matter what happens, Y/N will never be her former self.

***************

The Joker parks in front of the villa and hops out of the car, barking instructions at the goons patrolling the area:

“I want this gone!” he gestures at the cadaver crammed under the front seat. “Where’s Y/N?”

“In the garage, boss” Frost indicates. “You should know that…”

“I got it! I got it!” J waves and sprints towards your destination.

Nothing prepared him for the carnage.

“Holy… … shit!!!” he inhales at the shocking landscape depicting all five of his most beloved vehicles mauled to pieces: broken windows, scraped paint, karoseri indents…a whole mess!

Bam!!! You smash the rearview mirror of his favorite Ferrari with the baseball bat.

“What are you doing, Pumpkin????!!!!” J screams, aggravated.

Oh, he’s back!

“Y-you like her??!!” The Queen redirects her wrath. “B-because she’s smart??!!”

“Who? Alice?” he quizzes for no reason whatsoever: The Joker’s aware of the reply.

“Wh-where did you go, hm?” you point the wood weapon at the man taking you for a fool; you try not to stutter but it’s impossible with the strained neurons firing up a storm inside an already troubled brain.

“Nowhere, I killed her.”

“Hm?”

“I killed Alice!” The Joker raises his voice and watches you squint your eyes, a clear hint you’re analyzing his disclosure. “Look what you did, Princess! Are you happy now??” he finds the perfect opportunity to divert the outcome of the mayhem he actually created: J repeatedly learned this is the best strategy.

“U-hum,” you serenely admit since you’re indeed pleased with the results of your rampage.

The two parties glare at each other in silence and The Joker grabs the yellow teddy bear resting on a nearby hood, proposing truce before you bash something else:

“I’ll trade you the fur ball for your bat.”

Yikes, you’re reluctant to his treaty: further distraction is required.

“My collection is destroyed, Pumpkin!” The Joker approaches with the toy he stole for you on your first date. “Who we’re gonna call on such short notice to fix all this crap?!!”

Oh, you know this one! You and Mister J watch the movie on a regular basis.

“Mmm… Ghost Busters?” Y/N innocently suggests.

He puckers his lips at the astonishing proposal and it takes a lot of effort not to laugh.

“That’s brilliant, Y/N! Best idea I heard all week!” The Joker proudly compliments your intuition. “You’re a clever Kitten and whoever says otherwise is a moron!” he swiftly snatches the baseball from your grasp and replaces it with the teddy bear.

He rolls the weapon by the closest tire, signaling you to follow.

“Come on, Pumpkin, it’s time for your med. Why are you limping? Is your knee hurting again?”

“U-hum.”

“Serves you right for going rogue!” he scolds. “Com’ere,” J lifts you up, placing your legs around his midsection. “I expect apologies by the way!”

“No,” you sniffle while dangling the toy with one arm.

“Pain in the ass!” he huffs and you kiss him. “This is not an apology!” The Joker spanks you butt.

“Mine,” you cuddle to his shoulder, totally blocking his grouchiness.

“Yeah, yeah, yours,” J grumbles heading for the elevator. “So this is how the rest of today will unfold, Y/N: I’ll be mad until evening time, then we’ll have makeup sex and dinner, the last two not necessarily in the same order. And you’re not going to freak out when I touch your scars, OK?”

“Mmm…OK?”

“Why is that a question?” The Joker continues bickering. “You have other prospects? Boyfriends I should know about? Are you even listening?”

“U-hum,” you poke J’s star tattoo. “No… freaking out.”

“Fair enough,” he compromises and lifts you higher on his hips when you cling to him: selective perception is infinitely better than none. “Is this Pink Blossoms?”

“Yes,” you nod at the familiar brand you use all the time.

The King of Gotham smells his favorite perfume in the air, reckoning he wouldn’t enjoy it if another woman wears it for him.

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me on Wattpad and Ao3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[starrypawz]

22, 23 and 24 for the nsfw ask meme!

Gonna use Ronan, Rue, Lucas, Scout, Lark and Aster (The COG gang)

NSFW OC Asks

22. Do they/would they use sex toys?

For all: yes and yes

For details

Ronan: Doesn’t own anything of that nature until their partners introduce stuff in (and boy that’s like a very awkward moment to begin with) but there’s like a modest collection of stuff that gets picked up

Rue: Keeps a couple of things around, due to being single for like quite a while they don’t feel they need much tbh

Lucas: Short version, there is a box (Like it’s not excessive but let’s say he knows the ropes wink wonk)

Scout: Probably tried some stuff out, didn’t really get the hype but then they meet Roach and yeah suddenly wow this stuff is actually fun

Lark: Due to the logistics of how they currently live those sorts of things are not entirely practical rn (probably does own like one of those very discrete kinda vibes)

Aster: Probably not currently owning anything or that inclined to thinking much about it, but maybe in the future

23. Have they ever given someone a dirty text/letter/picture?

Ronan: Flirty/slightly naughty texts can happen, pictures generally a no (either insecure or too risky depending on setting)

Rue: Could probably manage a naughty text but would nearly die doing it, pictures a bit too risky to them

Lucas: Def would send naughty texts + pictures if they lived in the smartphone era, has been a little shit and left Jonny suggestive notes where he can find them (and hopefully only him)

Scout: Would combust at the idea if they lived in the smartphone era

Lark: Would threaten pictures but probably not send, texts maybe

Aster: Might slip a suggestive note to their beau but not much else

24. Would they have sex with their best friend?

Ronan: Tbh technically they did, or like one of their best friends lmao

Rue:  They don’t see their best friend that way so no,

Lucas: tbh didn’t go all the way but did fool around with a best friend back in the day, technically did with Jonny since I think he considers him his best (human) friend

Scout: I mean they kinda did, Roach hit the ‘best friend’ mark v fast somehow

Lark: tbh they did, (and might do so in the future)

Aster: Likely did/has

[obsessionsposts]

Maw of the Beast

Warnings: mentions of abuse / slight nsfw.

Today is Halloween which meant a whole week vacation from the college.

You are pretty excited to see what people of Gotham has to offer this year from Carved pumpkins, free treats, wearing costumes, and your personal favourite reading urban legends.

 Halloween has always been your most cherished holiday since you were a child, for its morbidity and gothic atmosphere attracted you just like how moths are attracted to light.

 But what you didn't account for was a visit from the master of fear also known as the scarecrow.

🍁🎃🍁

Laying comfortably on your bed, smothering yourself underneath the warm welcoming covers of your bed as you read the famous novel "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley.

Time ticked away, indulging into the intriguing content of the book until a ringing sound echoed through your living room, snapped you back into reality. Completely unaware of the colourless and odourless gas that has been spread as a result of a rigged ventilation system, you venture to the table.

"I wonder who it is? , Usually, nobody contact me at such an hour. Maybe a friend of mine", you shuddered all of sudden as if somebody has been watching you.

Ignoring your instinct as you pulled the telephone.

"Hello,(F/n) is that you?", you answered with every ounce of confidence you've left hoping it was prank from them.

"Tut,Tut,Tut. Guess again my little crow", Came an eerie voice that sends shivers down your spine, not the good one either.

"Sir, you must've gotten the wrong number", you answered with a stutter that unveils your queasiness as you balled your fists.

"Hmmm, No I don't I assure you that. But I have to say,Dear (Y/n), you have some refine tastes on horror. One thing that I admire about you", replied the cryptic man with a hollow voice.

Alarmed, you closed the telephone swiftly.

"....I need to take the offer of (f/n) to go with her/him. Maybe It was a deliberate prank from the neighbours, but it seems to real to be one.", you mused as your heart start to return to its normal pace.

🍁🎃🍁

The man, with burlap on his face and a noose tied around his neck, outside couldn't help but be aroused and overjoyed by the fear of soon-to-be his crow.

Oh the sound she produces was purely music to his ears.

The way she tried to repress her fears was adorable.

Her heart beats were orgasmic, so much as his hands drifted to his pants.

"No, not yet, Jonny. Patience. I want her as much as you do but we need to deal with that bothersome "friend" of hers, shall we give them a scare they won't wake up from", a deep rumble elicited from the scarecrow.

"Indeed we shall,she'll be ours by any means necessary", added Jonathan with a wry grin that could rival the Joker and prepared his infamous fear toxins.

🍁🎃🍁

You are walking alongside your friend to all hallow eve feast which is in Gotham University.

As your friend blabbered about different subjects, your mind is currently in processing what happened an hour ago, not every day were you this...terrified even in such incident.

Most of the time you were calm to the point of having a neutral expression stitched to your face or as your friend call it 'Resting bitch face'.

Either way, as you were pondering on what happened you didn't notice a small rock on your path which led you to stumble and fall on the hard concrete.

Your friend gives you a look of concern as they check on your knees to see a small bruise forming on your knees.

" Geez,(Y/n). You need to watch where you go or you'll hit your head on a wall or somethin'. Either way, it's not like you not to pay attention, so tell what happened?", as they cover your knee with a bandage and gave you a look of suspicion.

" I am fine, just a bit hazy that's all", you respond monotonously.

" Sure. Sure. I'll believe you not. But have you heard the news", exclaim your friend enthusiastically as they waved their hands in the air.

" Last week, One of the patients escaped Arkham...again.Bloody hell couldn't they maintain the place", your dear friend informed you.

Typical everyday news here at Gotham. Let's hope they don't ruin this particular night.

"You know,you're dissuading me from coming with you again", you playfully glared and punched them lightly on the shoulder.

"C' mon don't be like that plus we have already reached our final destination", as they grinned proudly at their so-amazing-pun. ( The movie)

" I hope you die from a scare tonight at least I won't be bothered with your predictable, yet frivolous jests for eternity".

You groaned rolling your eyes impishly at their ridiculousness, Heedless to your own words that will haunt you down later on.

🍁🎃🍁

Loud music and chatters blared around you dulling your scence of hearing.

'That's why I don't bother going out much,but hey let's get out of my comfort zone for a change'

You decided to split with your friend and head to the food stand and took some of the food with you.

Suddenly the music stopped playing which doesn't settle very well with you.

You need to look for (F/n) fast and get the hell out of here.

But today luck is clearly against you, as a green gas smothers everyone who is here inducing them to scratch and scream at others.

But what made the situation even worse is people start dropping dead like insects from the fright.

As tears start to prick your eyes and your breath hitched thank to whomever release the toxin, but surprisingly it didn't affect you at all unlike the others.

About time, you did find your friend only to see them laying lifeless on the ground.

Oh,god. What did you do to deserve this? Why would anyone do this?.

Tears rolled down your eyes as you remembered your last words to them.

Nonetheless,it didn't deter you from finding an exist to this hellish nightmare of a night; nearing one as you pushed through the gates of the collage. Abruptly, two tendrils encaged you into their cold tight embrace.

"it's time to take my naughty crow to her true home,hope you liked the surprise it's only for you,my little crow", the familiar man behind you whisper softly into the shell of your ear making you tingle from fear.

Slowly you faded into darkness.

Scarecrow lowered his head to take sniff out his beautiful ,fragile, and innocent crow.

" Now, you're finally ours we will never let you out of our sight again", meanwhile,Jonathan smiled victoriously and carried his asleep darling to their new cottage far from this damned city and its damned saviour.

🍁🎃🍁

Waking up to a throbbing head , groaning and mumbling profanities. You looked around you to find yourself chained to a bed post in a foreign place.

Trying to recollect your memory from the past events, but it was a blurr till a sharp hammering from the wooden door startled you from your stupor.

" It appears to be the effects of the drug is diminishing,now dear that you're awake tell me how are feeling? Do you need any assistence?",spoke the man gently as he start caressing your arm affectionately as if he was your lover.

You glared at him hate coursing through your eyes , pulled your arms back from his grip aggressively.

"........."

" Now don't be so abrasive,unless you wanted to treated as such. My name is Jonathan Crane or known as your saviour ,now (Y/n) let set basic ground rules that you mustn't break", The pale-ish,long dark haired, and lanky man introduced ardently as if he didn't murder a bunch of people to get to you.

" First, don't call me dear that's only reserved to my family and friends, and why haven't you offed me yet or are you waiting for the bat to come only to hold me as a leverage",you spat bitterly watching his pupils darkened at the aforementioned name.

" To answer your question, your way of dealing with fear is what attracted me at first sight; how you didn't repress it or let it control but took advantage of it to boost you fighting your trauma,especially after years of abuse at the hands of your "familiars". You can't hide that fact from me I know alot about you, I did my research on you, You lived your life in misery,suffering, and pain. For that I will keep you here to shield you from the malevolent nature of society and to give you what you lacked most of your life as that is love", jonathan replied gruffly as he encaged you tightly in his grip wiping your freshly tears as they processed to roll down after mentioning your past.

Suddenly, he pressed his lips toward your soft plumped one. Asking for permission to enter your mouth, but you refused ; frustrated he grappled your breasts harshly which elicited a gasp. As he slide his tounge to venture poking at every corner of the wet cave. Dipping your head to deepen the kiss you couldn't help but moan as he moaned and continued to ravage you like a dessert handed on a plate.

As it end leaving both of you and Jonathan out of breath; ashamed you decided to hide your face beneath the cover.

" Don't worry my dear, we will finish this as I come back , as I have to deal with a pesky bat", Jonathan gave one last smile and left you alone with your thoughts.

Exhausted from the horrors of today you decided to sleep with the hope of escaping that mad monster who clipped your wings.

A/N:My apologizes if I haven't update much, I was working with this one. Hope you enjoyed.

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

Erina: *swears*

Jonathan: "MY GOODNESS, DEAR! Where did you learn such a word!?"

Erina: *nudges herself, gesturing to Vanilla and Tippy* Those two cocksucking cunts over there

Jonathan: *gasp* You both ought to be ashamed of yourselves ò~ó Such disgusting language! I am very disappointed in you boys! Enough with the swearing!

Tippy: Shit, Jonny, I'm sorry...

Vanilla: What the hell, Termite? He just said to stop fucking swearing.

Jonathan: *gasp!* .... Ò_Ó *starts bouncing on both of their heads* Naughty! Unclean! Impolite! Deplorable! Abhorrent! Awful! I ought to wash both of your mouths out with soap! Ungentlemanly behavior!!!

[solatgif]

TGIF: Roundup for December 24, 2021

On behalf of the SOLA Network digital team, we wish you a very merry Christmas! If you want to get in touch, you can reach me on Twitter or Instagram. Read our monthly newsletter now and join for free.

Join in for our inaugural Asian American Leadership Conference on April 25-27, 2022 and experience rich fellowship with other Asian American leaders. Register now and find more information on our website.

We released three videos this week: The Eucatastrophe Of Human History: An Advent Reflection by Faith Chang, Like Father, Like Son: The Obedience of Joseph, the Father of Jesus by Aaron Lee, and The Growth of the Indian American Church: An Interview with Pastor Thomas by Pastor Steve S. Chang. Join us on YouTube for more.

Articles From Around The Web

Lloyd Kim: 3 Reasons We Must Continue to Send Long-Term Global Missionaries

“Those in other unreached areas may live their whole lives and never meet a Christian.”

Related: How To Make Our Prayers Global in 2021 by Katelyn Wang

Matthew D. Kim: Gospel Anticipation

“May we wonder and marvel afresh at Jesus’ willingness to be the sacrificial lamb who came to save his people from their sins.”

Related: “Finding Our Voice: A Vision for Asian North American Preaching” w/ Matthew Kim and Daniel Wong by Aaron Lee

Li Yingqiang: How to Prepare for Persecution

“Pray today for the families of Chinese believers who are imprisoned for their faith. Pray for their spouses, their parents, and their children to have means of support and to trust God in their distress. Pray for these families to experience the Lord’s tender care and gracious provision.”

Related: Remembering The Persecuted Church by Hannah Chao

Books, Podcasts, Music, And More

Ask Pastor John Podcast: Do the Non-Elect Have a Chance to Repent?

“Everyone is being wooed and invited by God every day.”

Devra Dato-on: Joy to the World / Angels We Have Heard on High (Piano Solo)

This is a beautiful and moving arrangement and performance by Asian American Worship Leader Devra Dato-on.

Aaron Lee: Related Works

Reviews: Grace & Truth NIV Study Bible (Zondervan), The Promise of Life and The Darkest Day by Jonny Atkinson (Gospel Grown), Prayers Around the World by Deborah Lock and Helen Cann (Lion Hudson). Listen to our TGIF playlist on Spotify. Join my Asian American Worship Leaders Facebook group.

Featured This Week On SOLA Network

Faith Chang: The Eucatastrophe Of Human History: An Advent Reflection

“The hopes and fears of all the years met in the birth of our Christ. Here is the dawn of the eternal day and of joy, joy beyond the walls of the earth.”

Michael Agapito: The Day That Old Saint Nick Made the Naughty List

“This is what we celebrate on Christmas: the one true God becoming human.”

Aaron Lee: Like Father, Like Son: The Obedience of Joseph, the Father of Jesus

When we don’t know what to do, when we are faced with difficult decisions, or when we find it hard to persevere — we can look to the example of Joseph, the father of Jesus, who shows us that simple obedience will go a long way.

Steve S. Chang: The Birth, Growth, and Future of the Indian American Church: An Interview with Pastor Thomas

“God has scattered the least reached people to the most places in the world where they can both be reached, and where they can be mobilized to themselves become a missional force.”

TGIF: Roundup for December 17, 2021

Your Achingly Beautiful Perseverance / All of Our Nightmares Will Become Untrue / How Theology Drives Missions

General disclaimer: Our link roundups are not endorsements of the positions or lives of the authors.

[eenefangirlanalysis]

The scene starts off with Ed falling down the stairs.

Jonny snickers, playfully, “Ed, you down the stairs just like Plank!”

Jonny still can’t stop thinking about Plank. He never wanted his friendship to end with Plank.

Look at Eddy walking down the stairs in Bro-esque manner. Edd looks cute swinging his arms to his sides.

Is this the first time a side character has been in Ed’s, or any of the Eds, room? Jonny is practically a fourth Ed. 

And you know, similar to Ed, Jonny is also cut off from communication within his household. Ed is banished to the basement whereas everyone lives upstairs. And Jonny uses that pulley system to lift himself up into his bedroom which is practically the attic. Jonny’s parents are up to interpretation, but maybe Jonny wants it that way seeing how its his own invention. Ed is lonely. He wants his family to understand him and feel loved. 

Jonny is immediately in love with Ed’s room. I love Jonny’s delivery. And look at that smile. It’s genuine. 

What if this is the first time Jonny has ever been in someone else’s... no wait, all the kids slept over at Nazz’s house in Pop Goes the Ed. Still, I always wonder if Jonny is truly accepted by the kids. The Eds are trying to help him with his dilemma.

Aw, Eddy being a good friend and has a arm around Jonny’s shoulder. Then again, his one arm hugs tend to be misleading. He’s only going through all this to earn a quarter. And we all know who Eddy learned this act from.

“Oh dear, Jonny’s in the denial stage.”

EDD! Are you serious? You spend all your time in Ed’s room! You actually agreed to a sleepover on his FLOOR!

Which bedroom do the boys spend the most time/episodes in? Possibly Ed’s. I think they hang out in this room more as it is cut off from the world. As sad as that mean seem the Eds are planning out their schemes. And it’s also a chance to get away from all the drama.

Eventually, Edd starts to grow out from his germophobia. He spends most of his time in Ed’s room. He fears his friends being in his house. He let them in too much during season 1 when they were still getting to know one another. Upon the sticky notes, he fears what else they may find out.

Ed ransacks his closet looking for something.

Let’s see, a fire hydrant, a bowling pin, a toaster, a pine apple, and a pizza [Which resembles half of a pumpkin in the screenshot below]

Eddy warns that Ed practically hit him.

That’s the real Eddy coming through. He is uneasy when it comes to getting hurt. He even mentions that he bruises like a banana in Honor Thy Ed, another season 2 episode. 

Eddy’s dark past was slowly revealed throughout season 2 in very subtle ways. Ed in a Halfshell is a wonderful example of how Bro’s true nature was staring viewers in the face for ten years.

Suddenly, Eddy is hit in the head with a brown boot.

Is this Ed’s shoe? Or did it belong to his Dad?

Before Eddy can maim Ed Edd believes that this boot is the perfect friends for Jonny. It’s introduces as Salty Sam.

I wonder if Eddy means that salty translates to naughty, vulgar and rude which is perfect distraction of Salty Sam in a moment.

Jonny states, again right to Salty Sam’s ‘face’, that IT looks a little crusty.

Jonny didn’t call the object a by a gender reference. It’s subtle nod that he knows all inanimate objects are not real.

Eddy gives the most meaningful advice which plays along with the theme of Ed, Edd n Eddy including the main trio’s friendship, “Don’t judge a book by its cover, Jonny.” 

That’s very powerful coming from Eddy. He leads on his friends, the cul-de-sac kids and the audience members into believe he is someone he’s not when really a trapped little boy is begging to be let out.

And he says this line with his spread apart. Even more effective. 

Meanwhile, Ed comes across his baby picture.

Aw, baby Ed!

With a pink bow.

Seeing the sad relationship Ed has with his parents, did his mom want a daughter to begin with? Up into having Sarah maybe she treated Ed like a girl in the first four years of his life? Just a theory. 

Ed even says, “Aw, look,” either to himself or his friends.

Ed doesn’t have a good memory due to his skull fracture which was never properly taken care of. He even has moments where he forgets what he is saying or the situation currently going on. Although played for comedic effect it’s sad to see Ed this way. He can’t remember his past so well, and perhaps how the incident happened. Maybe for the best depending if it had anything to do with Bro.

The Eds excuse themselves to give Jonny some alone time.

Eddy becomes very excited. “Did you see the sparkle in Jonny’s eyes? Stop me, boys. I’m getting frilly!”

Frilly -  crimped, ruched, trimmed. It also refers to women's underwear.

Does that mean he’s just overly excited?

Just then a loud noise is heard from inside Ed’s room.

Edd and Eddy react with their season 1 faces while Ed doesn’t even jump.

“HE’S MAD, I TELL YAH! MAD!!!”

So, who made this mess? Keep in mind things exaggerated in this show.

As Eddy is trying to figure Jonny out Edd deciphers that Jonny needs to pick his own friend.

This gives Eddy an idea!

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Do you remember that quick tv post catch up I was doing? Yeah, neither do I. LOL

The Simpsons season 18- I know everyone says that show became worthless years before this season. Actually, I disagree. The world has now had decades to get tired of them, and at the same time they have worn through so many story possibilities. The show mutated into something different, less formally structured storytelling than a collision  of incomplete story ideas into episodes. It’s messy, but as long as you can enjoy moments without demanding a solid whole from an episode it’s still enjoyable.  

I noticed something. An episode with Eric Idle inspired by that series of documentaries following what where school kids ever 7 years (7 Up I think the first one was called...no connection to the soda) amused me and the one spoofing 24 fell flatter for me, and I wonder how much is simply because I’ve seen the docs but never seen 24. I was very aware of it being a spoof of something I don’t know, so I was distracted by wondering if this or that would be funnier if I knew the original. The show has been around long enough it’s kind of a time capsule now. 

Paddington Bear- These are very short stop motion adaptation of the books about a little bear from darkest Peru that moves in with a family in England. Like many kids I loved the books, and I do have a memory of seeing some of these before on PBS. It’s charming quiet humor that does well by the books.

Rocky and Bullwinkle Season 4- Ah, Rocky and Bullwinkle. I adore this show, whatever specific title they were using for it at the time. In fact, as a girl I would wake up early on Sunday morning to watch reruns of this and Jonny Quest before the televangelists would take over all the channels (broadcast tv era, obviously). I want to just gush about it, but considering how I don’t have time I will try to restrain myself. Now where did I put that straight jacket....

The series is one of the funniest, silliest, smartest, and punniest animated shows  to have ever aired. How’s that for restrained praise....

In case you don’t know, the series from the late 50s and early 60s involved various segments. The main, serialized, stories were the adventures of true blue boy hero Rocky the Flying Squirrel and his equally good but very dim best pal Bullwinkle J. Moose, frequently in conflict with Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale from Potsylvania.  In between you get things like Fractured Fairy Tales and Aesop and Son (play around with familiar stories),  Peabody’s Improbable History (time traveling super smart dog and his boy), Dudley Do Right of the Mounties (goofing on traditional heroic adventure stories), Mr. Know-It-All (Bullwinkle twisting up just about everything in the form of lectures and demonstrations) and Bullwinkle’s Corner (Bullwinkle mangles poetry, and there is much rejoicing from me. The show is continually self aware, the characters even interacting with the narrator, and the humor ranges from slapstick to clever puns to dry wit with references both pop culture and more culturally approved by snobs. It’s got something everyone!  

Weirdest moment for me watching this episode: trying to explain the “Oh, you kid(d)!” joke to Mom. ** Turns out that I’ve somehow absorbed so much pop culture from before my parents were even born that I got a joke with it’s origins at least a century old now! My head collects so much junk! LOL

**It is referring to a naughty song from around when my grandfather was born that ended staying in the popular consciousness as a phrase for many years after. (See a note written in my grandmother’s photo album in the 1920s!) 

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x03 Musings

My initial reaction to “The Queen’s Justice”

^I dub thee “Casterly Castle”

I guess the title refers to Cheryl finally delivering that poetic justice for Madison’s death via Poison Ivy lipstick (which I’ve been told was only a thing Ivy did in Batman and Robin; she’s usually just more a dramatic biochemist nerd with pheromones. I’m so sorry, Ivy.). I guess it could also be Deadpan not randomly giving Jon her help for nothing in exchange, because that’s actually a decent sense of justice. It was pretty obvious D&D were writing this one again, with the nonversations featuring strongly. Let’s dive in.

Dragonstone

A lot happened here, and yet nothing did at all.

Jon is a fucking idiot for arriving with just Davos, and it’s beyond clear that he should have listened to Sansa and everyone else cautioning him from going, because he was immediately in a position where he had no capacity to defend himself, and nothing to offer Deadpan at all.

Really glad Tyrion reminded us HOW NICE he is about not raping Sansa when they were married. More points for him being THE BEST. Sorry. If you know me, you know this one is a specific bugaboo.

Some say the dragon CGI didn’t look good, but frankly it didn’t bother me that much. I was much more distracted by Tyrion’s alcoholism jokes and Jon’s mouth breathing

The Mel & Davos scene felt like it worked last night, but after reading over Jess’s review today, I have no idea why I thought that. Mel was literally just saying she was peacing out, and then creepily said she and Varys would both die in Weisseroff, so I guess they will. It was…fine? But also “the plot needs me over here now!”

I felt like Deadpan and Jonny were asserting different things every few minutes. I’m also assuming we’re supposed to view Deadpan as the spoiled entitled shittier leader, while Jonny is a man of the people who drops his g’s at the ends of his sentences.

this would have been somewhat possible to be sold if Jonny hadn’t been given a kingship for being the world’s biggest fucking idiot

Also, Tyrion’s point about “you should just kneel if this war to the North is all that matters to you” is really, really salient. Like…what did Jonny expect in this? He *said* Deadpan needs him, but actually how? What she needs his 4 surviving Wildlings? The Manderly forces?

Oh wait, that’s right, the whole theme of this season has been “how can we illogically deplete Deadpan’s massive and unbeatable army?” She learns about Yara’s fleet and decides not to keep Jonny as a prisoner, but a guest, before storming off.

I’m probably remembering this out of order, but we get some kind of war council scene where she suggests riding her dragon to like…BURN Euron’s wormhole-navigating fleet?

But no. Apparently she could get shot with an arrow so it’s never going to happen. Let’s ignore her biggest military advantage.

We also get Jonny & Tyrion 2.0: who broods best? Aka D&D write shitty lines for cheap fandom jokes.

It is kind of amusing to watch Jonny have his own idiocy pointed out to him

Then Tyrion runs to Deadpan and tells her to play nice, because she’s been a very naughty little school girl lately. Also they need allies because things are going tits up with his masterplan of incompetence. I just can’t take the fucking infantilizing tone, though I did legit laugh when Deadpan called him on “a wise ma n once said.”

Uhhh finally Deadpan & Jonny’s 2.0 scene? She decides to let him mine dragon glass because Tyrion asked nicely. I can’t think anything positively about either of their leadership capabilities, nor do I think D&D have much interest in showing them. Can we just get on to boat sex already?

Cheryl’s Landing

The biggest issue I have is how the smallfolk of Cheryl’s Landing are even more mercurial than the Northern Lords. Now they’re CHEERING Euron despite knowing Cheryl burned everything down? Why don’t they give any shits?

I don’t know who Euron is playing this week. Moriarity? Julia says a bad magician. Are we supposed to find him intimidating?

Legit found Cheryl’s approach to governance compelling this week. She secured an ally with a promise of marriage *after* the war is won (why the fuck is Euron so interested in this?), and was a savvy negotiator with the “we love the slave trade” Iron Bank of Braavos.

I can’t begin to deal with the Faullaria death scene. Longest fucking thing in the world, and it was just D&D reveling in murdering characters we hated because they put no depth into them. Everything about it was horrible, absolutely everything.

even the stupid “poetic justice” of the kiss. Just stop.

Larry loves Cheryl! Cheryl’s maid loves Cheryl’s style! What in the fuck is happening??

Winterhell

BRITTANY’S BACK

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings:

"a female character is empowered without resorting to violence, sexual manipulation, or dismissal of typically feminine-coded traits or activities" happened tho, with Sansa's ruling scene. It was one of the scenes I really enjoyed this episode (until littlefinger started to talk)

Yeah man, for sure. It was actually nice to watch, even if the larger pattern of their conception of empowerment is totally fucked. I have a feeling this one won’t be staying around

Also my god, that Batfinger speech was one of his worst yet. It makes chaos is a ladder seem like the smartest thing ever uttered. “See all possible outcomes”? Um…you didn’t, you fucking moron. Remember when the Sansa Marriage Strike blew up in literally everyone’s face?

at least Brittany wasn’t into it

Aaaaand then Bran came with a brand new personality! He wasn’t able to emote or give any shits about his sister, and then forced her to relive her trauma by talking about it in really creepy, deadpan, voyeuristic tones. Yay!

this Bran came out of NOWHERE. He became the Three Eyed Sydow last year (or something), so…where was this creepiness then? He seemed to be able to engage with Meera and Benjen and stuff. Was the baby crossfade THAT momentous?

I’m glad Brittany ran away from him. I rather stanned her this episode

Oh btw Theon is alive.

Apparently the Ironboors who survived can intuit exactly what happened on his ship, rather than thinking he got thrown overboard or something.

Hogwarts

I almost forgot this was in the episode

Greyscale is cured! Forever! This plot really mattered so much!

no are we supposed to be affected that Jorah was contemplating suicide? Are we supposed to care that Sam figured this out from what Jess described as a “wiki-how”?

just someone kick Sam out already. This is going nowhere

THE BATTLES

I’ll direct you back to Jess’s review if you haven’t read it already. She does an AMAZING job at explaining how Tyrion’s voice-over removed all dramatic tension.

Fuck traveling logistics, amirite? Of course Larry can sprint around Weisseroff in two weeks. I feel like they threw that timeframe in there just to piss us off.

Again, the importance of Casterly Castle was never in evidence. Larry didn’t care about it enough to abandon it. Tyrion described it as “impenetrable” and even went on to say how once inside, the Unsullied would *still* be outnumbered.

it makes Tyrion seem like an idiot, especially with Larry knowing he’d take it, so was this supposed to be his hubris? But it was never framed as hubris. So…

Oh look, Euron’s fleet warped from somewhere in between Cheryl’s Landing and Porne to Casterly Castle. That works!

Then Larry just warps and takes Highgarden off-screen, because apparently D&D say that the Tyrells are shitty fighters. What. No seriously, what? Where did that even come from? And taking a castle is still kind of a big deal.

^this was a tad disappointing for Highgarden.

Frankly, where did the Tyrell army even go? Tarly’s an important bannerman, but not like ALL of it

The best part was that Diana Rigg seemed as happy to be done with this stupid show as I was for her, so there was a good amount of energy in her scene.

the whole “Cheryl is the worst” thing didn’t land as usual, especially when immediately followed by her confession about murdering Joffrey, but she was just so gosh darn plucky about it!

Aaaand that’s all I’ve got! Boy Deadpan sure is in a pickle that her amazing “divide and fail to conquer” plan was as bad as @turtle-paced described it last week. Add to that Larry’s sudden competence, and she just might yet need Jonny!

Top 3 nitpicks:

Casterly Castle being single-handedly built by Tywin and Tyrion having actually constructed the sewers himself. Not just running them…constructed them.

The Iron Bank investing in the slave trade

The smallfolk LOVE Euron and Cheryl now

Did this land for you? I was seeing tweets about how smart the writing was and just...WHAT. Though Brittany was boss ass, if I may say so myself.