#very funny how depressed i was a few months ago

[coffeeshades]

credits to the gif maker!

LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART IX

summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.

pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.

word count: 2.9k

warnings: 18+ (minors dni). fluff. angst. cursing, age gap, mentions of alcohol and depression. feelings of hopelessness, anxiety. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!

a/n: here it goes. happy reading <3

masterlist!

January 26, 2023

Los Angeles, California

The ceiling isn’t even interesting, but it’s better than everything else right now. You’ve spent too many nights staring at the same spot above you, trying not to think, trying not to feel, but the thoughts always come creeping back. Anxiety’s a funny thing—how it picks and chooses moments to make your life its playground, especially when there’s nothing left to distract you.

You think about your depression diagnosis from a year ago. It feels like a dirty word, one that sticks to the inside of your throat whenever you try to talk about it.

Shame has a way of making you feel unworthy, like there’s a crack inside you that everyone can see. And Pedro…well, he was part of that too. Not because he’d judge you; no, you know he wouldn’t. That’s what makes it worse. He’d understand, and you know it. But it was that very understanding, that softness, that made you feel even less deserving of him. It was easier to push him away, tell yourself that he was better off without you, without your darkness looming overhead.

It was stupid. You knew it was stupid. But knowing didn’t make it any easier. For a long time, you felt like shit. The medication and therapy helped, though. You feel better now, mostly. At least enough to move through the days without the weight of the world pressing down on your chest.

On nights like this, when the city outside your window hums with life, you find yourself longing for him. Wanting him with a kind of ache that doesn’t make sense anymore. Not after a year of silence.

Okay, not complete silence.

There were the text messages, the likes, the little online interactions that served as placeholders for the real thing. But the last time you actually heard his voice was on your birthday. He called, and it was brief. Polite. He sounded tired, maybe distant. You’d called him on his birthday, too, but he didn’t pick up. A few hours later, a text: “Sorry! Really busy over here, even on my birthday. Thanks for the birthday wishes. See you soon.”

Except “See you soon” never came. It was nothing more than etiquette.

Sarah came over a few weeks later. You were sitting on your couch, mindlessly flipping through a book, when she dropped the news. “They broke up,” she’d said, leaning against the counter like it wasn’t a bomb that just exploded in your chest. “Pedro and Julia. Months ago.”

Why didn’t he tell me?

That conversation replayed in your head for days. Maybe he hadn’t told you because you weren’t that person for him anymore. The one he turned to when things went wrong. Life just went on without him in it. The strange became familiar, and here you were, on a Saturday night, staring at nothing.

You push off the sofa, grab your phone from the coffee table, and start scrolling through social media. It’s the only thing that takes the edge off, numbing the ache for a little while. But even that was a trap because almost every post you see is about him.

Pedro was everywhere, and you couldn’t escape him.

The world had caught on to how wonderful he was, and now they all wanted a piece of him. The headlines, the photos, the fan posts—everyone seemed to wonder what it would be like to love him, to touch him. The universe was taunting you with his presence, a constant reminder of what you’d had and what you’d lost. Every time you saw his face, you felt a pang of regret, sharp and unforgiving.

February 4, 2023

New York, NY

The invitation had come a week earlier, but not from him. His sister, Lux, had sent the text. “It would be nice if you came,” she’d written, and your heart had swelled in your chest.

“I’ll try,” you’d replied, though you knew as soon as you sent it that you would go. The next thing you knew, you were on a plane to New York, staring out the window, wondering what you were doing. You hadn’t seen him in person in over a year, and you didn’t even know if he wanted to see you. What if time had passed you by? What if everything between you had faded into the background, nothing more than a memory?

The night of the show arrived, and you were a wreck. A bundle of nerves, second-guessing everything. You sat in the audience, people asking for pictures here and there, and you smiled, happily obliging. But when Pedro took the stage, your heart stopped. He was nervous during the monologue, you could tell, but he quickly settled into the rhythm.

His breathing evened out, and he was so…perfect. He talked about his family, about his mother, and you felt the lump in your throat rise when he got emotional. He was always funny in the sketches, but especially when he almost broke character to laugh. You couldn’t stop watching him.

And you hoped—no, you prayed—that maybe he’d see you through the crowd.

When the show ended, people started to disperse, and there he was, surrounded by his family, by friends, all buzzing with pride and excitement. You hung back, watching as Lux tried to get everyone lined up for a photo. “Who’s gonna take it?” someone asked, and you stepped forward before you could think twice.

“I can do it,” you said, and Lux’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh my god, you came!” She rushed over, wrapping her arms around you, and you hugged her back, feeling a sudden warmth in your chest.

Nico and Pedro’s nephews followed, pulling you into their hugs as well. For a moment, it felt like old times, like maybe things hadn’t changed at all. But then Pedro turned, his gaze catching yours, and time stopped.

You stood there, staring at each other, and the world spun and stilled all at once. His eyes lit up, soft and warm, like they always had. He looked like he wanted to say something, but neither of you moved.

Five seconds. Maybe less. But it felt like forever.

You smiled, and so did he, a quiet acknowledgment passing between you. Lux handed you her phone, and you took the picture, watching them all gather together, laughing and chatting. You could feel Pedro’s eyes on you the whole time.

After the photo, he walked over, his eyes locking onto yours again.

“How…what are you…?”

“Your sister invited me,” you replied quickly.

“Of course she did,” he said, glancing back at Lux with a smile.

“Congratulations, you were incredible,” you said, the words tumbling out faster than you intended. “I’m so happy for you.”

He looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the world, like you were the moon and the stars. Your heart raced, and you could feel it thumping against your ribs. He smiled, a half-smile, and his voice softened. “Thank you. I think I butchered a couple of lines, but…"

“No, no,” you insisted, shaking your head. “You were perfect. It was perfect.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, his eyes doing that thing they always did when he was holding something back. But then he cleared his throat, looking flustered. “I have to go get changed and say goodbye to a few people, but come to the afterparty, okay? Oscar and Sarah will be there.”

As if you needed a reason other than him.

“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to sound casual.

He took a step closer, his big brown eyes fixed on you. “Thank you for being here.”

You smiled, trying to keep your composure. “Always.”

And then he turned and disappeared backstage.

•••

Later, at the afterparty, you felt like a ghost, drifting between conversations. You caught up with Oscar and Sarah, the comfort of their hugs bringing unexpected tears to your eyes. It felt good, to be surrounded by people who loved you unconditionally. But you couldn’t help yourself; you kept looking for Pedro. From across the room, your eyes would meet, and the significance of everything unsaid hung between you.

Twenty minutes passed like that. Stolen glances, quiet tension. Until you saw him slip outside to the rooftop, away from the crowd.

Without thinking, you followed him.

He stood there, looking out over the city, his broad back to you, the skyline of New York glowing in the distance. For a moment, you thought about turning around, about going back inside. But then you stepped forward, standing beside him.

“This city,” you started, “is so beautiful from up here. Makes you forget about all the bad things—like the rats and the traffic.”

He laughed—that booming, wheezing kind of laugh you loved so much—and you smiled.

Pedro smiled at you—that same familiar smile that hadn’t changed in all these years. His eyebrows lifted playfully, and for a moment, it felt like no time had passed at all. But as you looked closer, you saw it—he had changed, and yet the essence of him remained.

His hair was longer now, curling just at the ends in a way that made you want to reach out and touch it. His beard, fuller than before, had streaks of gray decorating his jawline and his hair. The lines around his eyes had deepened, like stories waiting to be told, crinkling when he smiled, as if life had both weathered and softened him.

He turned to look at you. “Hi again.”

“Hi."

“You look good,” he said, the compliment slipping from his lips with ease.

You chuckled softly. “Thanks, so do you, Mr. Popular.”

He clicked his tongue, amused. “What can I say?”

The rooftop was hushed, only the chatter and music from the party drifting up from where you stood. The world below a distant hum, leaving just the two of you bathed in the soft glow of green and gold light from the city. The air was cool but not cold, wrapping around you both in a way that felt intimate, protective.

How Deep Is Your Love started playing, and you looked towards the party, a small smile playing on your lips. As if he could read your mind, he chuckled and said, "How fitting. What are the odds?"

For the first time in what felt like forever, you were under Pedro’s gaze—not the chaotic, feverish attention you were used to, with cameras flashing and crowds screaming your name, but something deeper. His attention had always been different. It was quiet, but focused, like a steady hand on your shoulder, grounding you without a word.

For a moment, you couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. The pull between you too strong, a tether stretched thin by years of disconnect but never broken. You felt it—the weight of all that had gone unsaid pressing against your chest. You had to say it. Now, before you lost the courage.

“I was debating whether or not to do this here,” you began, your voice low but steady, “today of all days, but I feel like the right time will never come for us, so I’ll just say it.”

Pedro’s eyes searched yours with anticipation, perhaps fear or hope, watching you with that unwavering focus that made your heart race.

In that moment, you realized, you didn't know where to start.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, the words catching in your throat. “I disappeared like that, and I know I hurt you. I was... I was dealing with so much, and I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t move. Some days were harder than others, and I felt so ashamed. So lost. So sad.”

The word sad hung between you, fragile yet heavy. You could see it in his face—how your words cut him deeply. His lips parted, and you saw the pain flicker in his eyes, the understanding that only he could offer.

“Baby,” he said, the word tender, rich with affection. He took a step closer, his presence overwhelming yet calming all at once. His hand moved to your hair, fingers brushing it aside before resting gently on the side of your head. The touch was so familiar, so comforting, you closed your eyes for a moment, letting the warmth of it wash over you.

“No,” Pedro said softly, his voice breaking just a little. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not doing more. For not being there when you needed me. I’m a fucking coward.”

You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze. “I pushed you away because I thought… I thought you were happy with her.” Your voice cracked, but you pushed through the pain. “And before that, I pushed you away because I thought you just didn't want me. I figured it was better to let you be.”

He let out a breath, stepping even closer, his forehead nearly touching yours. “I got with her because I couldn’t escape you,” he confessed, the words raw and full of regret. “You were always there, in my head, in my heart. I thought if I could be with someone else, maybe… maybe I’d forget you, but I couldn’t.”

You felt the tears sting at the back of your eyes. The truth of it, the weight of his words, felt like a key turning in a lock that had long been rusted shut. You wanted to say more, to tell him everything, but before you could, Pedro’s hand slipped to your cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of your mouth.

“I was afraid that you'd be the only person I ever actually wanted. And now I'm afraid that my one and only chance at happiness has passed me by.” He whispered, his voice low and intense. “And I…I think about kissing you more than I think about anything else, literally in the world. It’s my go-to thought when my mind has a minute to spare.”

You could barely breathe. The air between you felt charged, electrified by everything he was admitting, by the love you had both buried for so long. “I was so scared,” he continued, his eyes glistening. “So scared of fucking up our friendship, scared of what people might say, and scared of losing you because… I’ve never known what to do with pain, mi amor. All I’ve ever done is hide from it. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”

You reached up, covering his hand with yours.

He closed his eyes for a moment, as if your touch was too much, too overwhelming. Then, slowly, he opened them again, his gaze locking onto yours with such intensity it made your heart ache. “I was such an idiot,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I thought I could live without you, but the truth is, I’ve never been able to. Not for a single day.”

You smiled, your own tears finally spilling over. “Well, that makes two of us.”

"You're my favorite person to talk to," he said, "even when we're fighting."

There was a beat, a single breath in which the world seemed to pause, and then he kissed you. It wasn’t a tentative kiss, shy, or unsure—it was everything. Every moment, every longing look, every stolen glance over the years poured into this one, perfect moment. His lips were soft but demanding, his hands slipping into your hair as he pulled you closer. You knew people could be watching from afar, but you melted into him, because nothing else mattered right now.

When you finally pulled back, foreheads pressed together, both of you gasping for air like you'd been drowning and only just found the surface. His forehead rested against yours, his breath shaky, and in that moment, you saw it all—the vulnerability, the fear, the anger, and beneath it all, the raw, unrelenting love.

Pedro’s voice was thick with emotion as he spoke, “I hate myself for waiting this long.” His hands slid down to your shoulders, gripping them with a desperation that made your heart twist. “I watched you disappear, and I told myself it wasn’t my place. But it was. It always was.”

His eyes bore into yours, deep pools of brown that always saw you, even when you didn’t want to be seen. His hands turned and pushed you slowly to the railing, and you could feel the cold biting into your back even through the thick layers of your jacket.

“I hated myself too,” you admitted, the words spilling out in a rush, messy and imperfect, but true. “I thought about you every day. And I hated myself for it because I couldn’t let go. I tried, God. I tried with everything I had to move on, but it was always you. It was always you, Pedro.”

His lips trembled, and you saw the tears in his eyes—the same tears that were stinging yours. He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head.

“We wasted so much time.”

You nodded, your own heart breaking at the realization. All the years you had spent avoiding each other, convincing yourselves it was for the best, when deep down, you knew the truth.

You had been running—both of you—from something that had always been there.

“I know,” you said softly, reaching up to cup his face, your thumb brushing against the scruff on his jaw. “But we’re here now. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded, a slow, deliberate movement. “I love you,” he said, the words a soft confession.

You smiled, face wet with tears, your heart finally free of the burden it had carried for so long.

“I know."

a/n: aaaahh finally!!! these idiots got it right it only took like 20 years lol.

an extra final chapter is coming very soon. i had so much fun writing this. i started writing this silly little fic right after a breakup because i was feeling lonely and it was the best way for me to not feel like that sooo i wanted to thank everyone who read, liked, reblogged or commented, it means the world to me that someone else enjoys something that takes so much of my time. love you all so much!!!

[kneepain]

me reading my depression poems on my poetry blog: nothing matters bitch let's get you some sertraline. /ref

[st-dorothy-minority]

"Hurt" - an emotional, angst-filled Radioapple fic

I greatly hesitate to post this. It is very, very special to me and feels more vulnerable than anything I've written. (And honestly, I may delete it at any point 😩)

I would love it if you could spare a comment if you read this and share your thoughts.

I wasn't going to finish this, but I've been seriously struggling this month myself, and it's one small thing I can contribute for Suic*de Awareness & Prevention month.

Based on the song "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera (please check that out before reading to get the full impact. Imagine the song sung by Charlie https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/christinaaguilera/hurt.html)

Dedicated to @persephoneblck - thank you for your love and support through my struggles ❤️

-----------

“Charlie, I-”

“Just don't! I can't do this anymore! For once, I wish you'd show up when others need you, when I need you!”

“But Charlie-”

“Mom was right. You don't know how to be a husband. You don't know how to be a leader. And you sure as hell don't know how to be a dad! I won't ever ask for anything from you ever again. I don't want you in my life anymore!”

As she turned her back on her father and returned to what remained of the hotel with the other residents, Lucifer felt himself quickly losing composure. Still, he made one last attempt to talk to her by calling out, “I’m proud of you, Charlie!” When she didn’t turn around, he lowered his gaze to the ground and added sorrowfully, “More than you could ever know.”

****

It was a couple hours before Alastor was able to check on his emotionally wrecked lover.

It was no surprise he found Lucifer still in the throes of depressive anguish.

Taking a seat on the floor where Lucifer sat next to the bed, Alastor placed a consoling hand on his back and rubbed it affectionately.

“We both know she didn’t mean what she said,” Alastor assured.

A few tears splashed onto the glass of the picture frame Lucifer held in his hands, which housed a photo of himself and Charlie that Vaggie had taken not long ago.

“She gets into fits of passion, like you, and ends up saying things that aren’t true,” Alastor continued when it was clear Lucifer wasn’t going to respond.

After a minute passed with more silence, Alastor gently pulled the picture away, set it aside, and took Lucifer’s now restless fingers in his hands to hold.

“Luci….No one is perfect. Mistakes happen. Hurt feelings happen. It’s a consequence of the human heart that seems to remain in us demons, including Charlie. She’s still a child with much to learn. You are doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for. Give yourselves some time to be apart for a bit. There is nothing wrong with maintaining some distance for a little while as she cools her head.”

Lucifer sniffled, wiped his eyes, and uttered pitifully, “But she’s right. All of it. I was never there when she needed me. I fucked up with Lilith….I’m a shitty, fucking failure, Alastor.”

“Now I absolutely have to disagree with you about all of that. You are trying. You are learning. You won’t get it right all the time. Let the past be the past with its wrongdoings. She’ll have to learn to do the same.”

Heaving a heavy sigh, Lucifer nodded. “Yeah….I guess you’re right….Thank you.”

“Of course.” He brought Lucifer closer, placed a soft kiss against his temple, and asked, “Care to lie down? You should rest.”

“Not yet. Think I might go take a bath and try to relax.”

“Want me to join you?”

“No, I, um....I think I want to be alone tonight.”

“Are you sure?” “Yeah. Plus, you should go back to check on everyone and help with whatever they need….since she doesn’t want my help….”

“Alright then. I’ll report back tomorrow with how things are and to check on you.”

Placing a finger under Lucifer’s chin, he tilted the devil’s head up to kiss him tenderly. When they pulled away, he was content to see Lucifer smiling.

“I missed that smile,” Alastor purred, causing Lucifer to giggle.

“Funny that you never give me the chance to miss yours.”

“If it’s any consolation, you certainly bear witness to my genuine ones more than any other demon in this Hell.”

“I’ll take that,” Lucifer conceded happily.

Doting one last kiss onto Lucifer’s hand, Alastor took his leave.

****

----Five Years Later----

Clutching her phone tightly in her grasp, Charlie blinked through the tears to find the most precious contact in her list. From the moment she saw the adorable duckie profile pic and the name, the relatively quiet crying became uncontrollable sobbing.

It was approaching mid-evening, and it was tradition to conclude the horribly painful day with a call to the person she missed more than anything. The person she longed to hug again. The person she yearned to see his smiling face again.

The person she owed everything to, the one she wished to apologize over and over again to.

The one who had taken his life because of her.

It was rare that a day passed when Charlie didn’t replay the last exchange she’d had with her father and felt her stomach twist into knots and the guilt consume her from realizing how cruel and heartless her final words to him had been. To have not even acknowledged his final words to her of how proud he was of her.

Attempting to take several deep breaths, she at last touched the screen to call her dad.

She knew he would never answer, yet his voicemail (and the messages he’d left on her phone that she hadn’t deleted) was the only way to hear his voice, even if it was brief and impersonal.

Hello fellow citizen of Hell! You’ve reached the head honcho himself, Lucifer Morningstar. If you aren’t in my contacts, how the fuck did you get my number? If you are, I’ll call you back at some point. If this is Charlie, I’ll get right back to you, sweetie! If this is an emergency, well, I don’t know what to tell you other than you’re probably S.O.L. Still wanna leave a message? Be my guest!

*beep*

“….Hi dad,” Charlie began in a tiny, constricted voice. She paused briefly due to the uneven breaths attacking her, closed her eyes, inhaled deeply as best she could, and tried again. “I um….I miss you….so much. I’m so sorry for what I said and blaming you. I didn’t mean it….I was wrong….so, so wrong…..I wish you were here….I still have so many questions and….I need you….I need you, dad….I was mad, I didn’t mean it….I love you and I just want you back. I want to understand. I love you….”

She was able to end the call before the phone slipped from her hand and she hugged herself as the crushing grief overtook her.

I wish you were here….I need a hug….I’m so sorry….

She felt the presence of her new company before he even sat next to her. On the balcony of the hotel overlooking her inherited kingdom, Alastor joined her on the bench without a word. This had also become their tradition – to share the remainder of the evening together in silence with the only other person who understood more than anyone else how suffocating the loss felt. They each had very different relationships with Lucifer, but the fact remained they each loved him beyond measure.

While Charlie’s regret plagued her in the form of her last words to Lucifer, Alastor’s was rooted in having left him alone that night. If only he’d insisted on staying, denied Lucifer’s request, and remained at his side. The memory of finding the king of Hell submerged in golden-tainted water in the bathtub, his wrists and neck sliced open to the bone by the only weapon in the realm that could mortally wound him, haunted Alastor just as vividly all these years later. He could still recall Charlie’s screams of denial and sorrow when he told her what had happened, remembered how she grabbed onto him as her knees gave out and they held each other for nearly an hour, drowning out everything and everyone around them.

Once Charlie regained her composure for the most part, Alastor eased his arm across her shoulders and drew her closer to rest against him in a loving embrace. His other hand took hers and held it, and they stayed this way for hours.

Eventually, Vaggie came to help Alastor escort Charlie to bed, which Alastor appreciated because he knew Charlie would continue to be cared for during the hardest night of the year.

As for him, it was the one night he returned to Lucifer’s home and laid in the bed he’d shared with the fallen angel. He fetched Lucifer’s favorite over-sized duckie plushie to cuddle with – the one he’d always teased his lover about whenever Lucifer chose to hug it at bedtime – and breathed in deeply. The scent was fading, but it was enough to revitalize the memory.

Letting the tears fall at last, Alastor whispered, “I’m sorry I left you when you needed me most. I love you.”

[ingydar-phan]

Happy birthday Dan. I found you at a very, very low point in my life. It’s funny, because that point was only a few months ago. March 3rd. March 3rd. Jesus Christ. I was dealing with severe bullying, depression, hopelessness, isolation, gender dysphoria (i have been out/socially transitioned for like 5 years), and most of all, loneliness. I had a circle of about 3 friends who i talked to regularly, but only 1 i even saw in person more than once per year. Then, two of those 3 people began having relationship issues and were on the verge of breaking up. I felt like i was a bother, a burden to their already existing issues. Every single day I’d walk into school, put my headphones on, and not talk to a single person. I’d read, sleep, listen to music, dissociate, and sleep some more throughout the day just to distract myself from everything. From class, from parents, from the outside, everything. I fully and truly believed everyone besides those 3 people hated me. They found me disgusting, annoying, taking up space, and simply didn’t want me there. I think that is true to an extent, but i don’t like how i was just letting that be how it is. My dad was genuinely hopeless, he told me to just ride it out and if i could try to be just a little bit normal-er, maybe i wouldn’t be ignored by every person every day. That didn’t work. Instead, i decided to do some self work. Or rather, my dad stopped intruding on my free time which allowed me to still be awake and do things i wanted to do in peace. I thought, “Dan and Phil….those two emo guys with the cat whiskers….i have such a vague memory of a friend mentioning them or scrolling across a post of them, who even are they?”. I typed into the YouTube search bar “Dan and Phil”. A gaming channel? Are these people streamers? Oh god (i did not know you were one of us 🏳️‍🌈….or british…..). I watched one video. Now, ACCORDING TO YOUTUBE HISTORY, i somehow watched What Dan And Phil Text Each Other 4 as my first video. Not even the gaming channel, i don’t know how this happened maybe YouTube is lying to me. Whatever. Ok so which ones Dan and which ones Phil? Why do they look SO different? They’re British? I started watching Dan and Phil edits on TikTok. Ok, i know who you are, i get the vibes. Oh, coming out timeline? Gaming channel timeline and hiatus? Reacting to PINOF? On March 13, i watched Basically I’m Gay and Coming Out To You. It took me an entire month from then to watch Why I Quit YouTube. By late April, i was in it. I was watching Dan or Phil every day. Before, during, and/or after school. Since then, I’ve purchased YWGTTN (limited edition signed updated paperback). It was 38 fucking dollars in USD but it was worth it. I also now own TATINOF and DAPGO, one of which is signed by Phil, i bought second hand. So yes, now this is my new thing. But you know what else? I was getting happier. I was going to more concerts. I was doing my schoolwork, or at least trying to. I was reading!!!! I’ve since finished The Secret History. I made a friend; reconnected with an old childhood friend and started eating lunch together and hanging out and having shared trauma dump sessions, and we are so so close now. My two friends broke up, but it’s ok. I’m best friends with one of them and he’s so much better off, and the other and i are still casual friends!! I value them both for the multiple years I’ve known them. I’ve taken family vacations and done religious holidays with genuine care while getting to reconnect with my family. I’ve very passionately finished acting in a musical that I’ve put so much care into for about 5 months. I’m graduating tomorrow!!! And me and my close friend will be going to a concert tomorrow night afterwards, and I’m going to have a great summer where i see my close friend who i haven’t seen IRL since March of 2023. I’m getting closer with my dad and seeing a new therapist. I am having medical problems as of right now, but i would 100% be lying in bed crying and skipping graduation had i not found a reason to enjoy my days.

Did i just take one sentence referencing Dan to write a whole autobiography on tumblr? Yes, but also no. Dan and Phil are real people. They really do rescue pigeons named Steve and getting 10 sauces for their pizza and say hi across the city with binoculars. But they also genuinely have an impact on people, and they see that, and they LIKE to see that. I don’t think Dan will see this post. But I’m making it anyway. For me.

I love Dan so much. I cried twice while watching We’re All Doomed in my kitchen. I have actively watched Dan and Phil videos while crying at school. Once, in my bedroom, i was having a panic attack. I had an overwhelming rush of thoughts around 10 or 11 at night about how worthless i am and how terrible everything was going. I opened my tiktok, and there was THE edit that saved me. It was a video of fetus Dan on YouNow talking about his dream home. And then it was cutting back and forth to the Phouse. Then, Dans hopeful monologue in Basically I’m Gay. Finally, Dans hopeful monologue in We’re All Doomed. All of this in a softly shaky screen with sad music behind it. I cried a lot. This aspect of my life means so much to me. I think about the Halloween 2023 baking video at least 5 times a day (and sister Daniel’s….uhm….legs…). I am still so mad i did not buy the satanic Craft shirts. I just rewatched Dans interview last year with Anthony Padilla just because of how goddamn much I’m obsessed with that angle of Dan with his cute chin and cheeks and fucking dimple. I think about Dans bluntness in his defined-self and truly feel inspired to be like him. I look at his change over the years, his comfortability in his body, seeing that his face and neck are shaped like my face and neck, and he’s fucking beautiful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable in my weight if not for Dan Howell, and i mean that so insanely sincerely. I read Dans book whenever I’m feeling hopeless and need a soft sexy British man to tell me the scientific reasoning behind why i feel this way and to assure me he’s felt worse. I’m so serious when i say i cannot imagine a day of my life without Dan and Phil. I truly don’t understand how i lived before or how I’d expect to live without it. “Live”, in the sense of find a way of life, not as in “stay alive.” I can’t imagine a day without those big brown boba eyes and that cute dimple and mainly that calming voice that reminds me someone else has felt this way. That reminds me love is possible. That reminds me i have so much ahead of me, so much life and love and joy.

Phil’s birthday stream may be my favorite piece of Dan and Phil media, or at least one of them. I find it so comforting and wholesome and beautiful and hilarious. I have such high hopes for Dans birthday stream. Until then, I’ll be working on my long-awaited (still very very unfinished) 2009!Dan and Phil art piece within my art initiative (pinned on my profile) (just for funsies, no money or anything involved). I’m going to sit there at 3pm (my time) and watch with a huge smile on my face to see my amazing dads spend the time of their lives being sexy and old and happy and disgustingly homosexual while i just embrace all you’ve done for me.

Happy birthday Dan

@danielhowell

[savebylou]

Recap Simon Cowell on The Ray Foley podcast talking about 1D, his show and Harry calling him.

Simon did another interview, I wanted to share another recap/transcript in case anyone was interested.

TLDR: He said that he and 1D had the best time working together and he really missed it, he made a deal with the company that made Formula 1: Drive to Survive (Box to Box Films) and is going to a streamer plataform. He is doing promo so more people audition because he think is the best way to get in to the music business (even though he said he is not going to offer a record deal and he will own the name), he wants to invite Louis Walsh to the auditions, last but not least according to him Harry call him just to say hello.

Below is the more detail recap with a few quotes.

Simon was on The Ray Foley podcast, it was a zoom interview of almost 13 min [20.06.24].

-According to Simon because there hasn' t been a successful UK band or Irish band since 1D, so he thought about a year ago to do his show to create a new boyband. He thinks is the only way to do it.

-What he is looking for? The best example is One Direction. He thinks is the best boyband of all time.  "There is something about each of them, they were all individually talented, collectively they were just brilliant, it was fun, talented and we had the best, best time working together and I really, really missed it and that is why I decided you know what? I'm gonna risk it and I'm just gonna do it."

-He then talk about his memories of the band. That when One Direction didn't win he was so unhappy and that the next day they come to the label and he said they are gonna sign them. After he says "I think if we could find a group of people like that again, with those kind of records, I really, really think there is a massive opportunity here, I can just feel it".

About his show he comment:

- "I'm working with a company who made drive to survive"[Note: I check the production company was Box to Box Films, the program is Formula 1: Drive to survive, that is a documentary series of F1 that aires on Netflix]. He went to see them and he said he was gonna do this [boyband] "with or without cameras, do you think it would make a good documentary? And they went are you prepared to show everything?" He said yes, so they make a deal. "Is going to be a documentary for one of the big streamers."

- He is doing promo so more people audition because if it works it's worth it, is fun and "it's the best way on getting in to the music business, because right now they just aren't enough new people being sign for whatever reason, and that's depressing." [Important to remember that the band that is going to be created will not have a record deal, they will have to find it on their own and Simon is gonna own the name, see recap of that here].

-He said that the person that records a video and sharing on social media they are competing with so many people, so the odds are not in their favor, record labels are not watching their videos, they have a departament checking with algorithms, he believes that if you wanna find people he needs to met them and they need to met him. His advice for artists is always to start in a band because they will find their lane and they got a better shot. He used to do this 30 years ago, go month after month in auditions.

About Louis Walsh (X Factor judge)

The interviewer mentions that Louis has a boyband and Simon comment he will call him and drag him to be in the auditions and that they will always be friends. [Note that Louis said that he hadn't talk with Simon in years and Sharon Osbourne comment how Simon got rid of their contract they had for the new season of The X Factor for 2018, this when they add it Louis Tomlinson, Robbie Williams and Ayda Field ].

-He talk about what happened with Westlife that Louis created and Simon rejected them, they change members and he sign them.

Harry calling Simon.

"It was very funny because Harry Styles call me the other day just to say hello, and that night I said [to his son] I was talking to Harry Styles the other day. Son: No you didn't. Simon: Yes I did, he call me. Son: Why he will call you? Simon: To say hello, people do that."

Let me know if you want me to record and upload audios of any of this parts. I can share them.

[sentimental-idiot25]

Shoko was lying down in bed, her laptop slid off of her stomach and was on the right side of her body. She was attempting to do some research and reading for her upcoming tests and papers but she was so tired mentally that once the screen became dim because of the low activity she just let the laptop go black on its own. She felt so debilitated. 

She was looking to the left of her room and noticed how the candle on the dresser was almost out of wax, I need to get a new one soon. It should last me the night, she thought to herself. 

She looked back up to the dark ceiling and let out a breath. She was almost done with medical school but she was facing a dilemma of whether or not to rejoin the sorcerer life she left all those years ago. It was easy to get guilt-tripped to go back— but god, she wants a life of her own. It had been on her mind constantly, even if she has more pressing issues to deal with in the moment. 


It’s easy for people to understand that Gojo is needed in the sorcerer world as much as Gojo needs the sorcerer world. But for Shoko— they need her much more than she needs them…but at the same time she often thinks that she was born for the sole purpose to be in that world forever. She was born into this world with one goal and one purpose. If she was to defer and choose a different path— then what was the point of her existing at all?

She turned her head again and watched as the flame danced around within the glass jar; how it would jolt and flicker. How the wick was slowly and gradually disappearing. 

Her phone buzzed. Her hand slowly reached for her phone which was tucked under her pillow and held it above her face. There was a message on the screen, ‘How the hell is your fridge so empty?’ it read. It was from Gojo. 

A light smile graced Shoko’s face. He was in her apartment, just on the other side of the wall or door. She didn’t hear him come inside or sense a presence. I’m getting rusty, she thought to herself.

She clicked on the message to reply, ‘I’ll be moving out soon so there’s no point’ Immediately three dots appeared on her screen indicating Gojo was typing. 

‘Aren’t you moving out in a month?’ 

‘Yeah’ 

’Jeez woman…’ 

She smiled as she let out a breath of air in amusement. 

‘Where are you?’ 

‘I’m dead’ 

‘Means I’m talking to a ghost?’

 

 ‘yeah’ 

‘That’s depressing’ 

‘Would you be sad if I died?’ She typed without thinking and sent it without much thought.

‘I mean of course’ He sent. ‘Don’t wanna lose you either’ he double texted. 

Either… Shoko felt as if she could never fully separate herself from Geto in Gojo’s eyes. It was a weird and uncomfortable thought she had. But that either brought it back to her attention. Gojo has very limited people in his life that he considers precious, but sometimes Shoko thinks he blurs them all together.

‘So don’t go dying on me. Deal?’ He texted again after Shoko didn’t respond immediately.

‘No promises :)’ 

‘Think you’re funny?’ 

‘Im hilarious’ 

‘Gonna drop being a doctor to be a comedian?’ 

‘Yup! But first gotta come back to life’ 

‘I’ll say a few jokes at your funeral in your honor— a career never fulfilled :’( so sad’ 

‘Will you shed a few tears for me?’ 

‘I’ll be the first one there and the last one to leave’ 

‘Really?’ 

‘Of course :)’ 

‘That makes me feel a little better’ 

‘O_o what does that mean?’ 

‘Nothing just didn’t expect that answer from you’ 

‘I'm a nice guy I’ll have you know’

‘Sure sure’ 

‘Really I am!’ 

‘You broke into my apartment lol’ 

‘And you still haven’t come out yet >:(‘ 

‘Never said I'm a nice person’ 

‘That I know’ 

Shoko smiled slightly. She stared at her phone until it went black automatically. The only light source was the candle again. She looked over the dancing and flickering light. The flame slowly started to become more and more still. The wick eventually was reduced to nothingness and the flame diminished on its own. 

Shoko stared up at the dark ceiling once more. She took in a big breath and reached for her phone, ‘You can come in’ 

And almost instantaneously the door of her bedroom opened. 

“Was wondering when you were gonna let me in,” Gojo said as he closed the door. 

He took off his mask and took off his shirt and set them on the bottom corner of the bed and crawled onto the mattress where Shoko was lying. He wrapped her arms around her in a tight embrace. 

“It smells good in here,” he commented. 

“I have to buy a new candle,”

 

 “Don’t worry— we’ll buy that and groceries tomorrow,” he smiled into the crook of her neck. 

A few minutes pass and Shoko hears light snoring coming from Gojo. She ran her hand through his hair. Regardless of the path she chooses to take, going back or leading a ‘normal life’, the only assurance she has is that she’ll always have Gojo there with her. She felt a light bit of peace for the first time after weeks of internal conflict. 

The streetlight’s radiance spilled through the cracks of the blinds in her room. The hit the top of her dresser, Shoko noticed how there was still wax within the candle jar. Even though the light was no longer there and the wick burnt away— there was still something there.

There will always be something there.

[bunny-j3st3r]

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited for, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone else who makes you smile💕

4 things I'm excited for

1 - Sonic 3 movie coming out huhehe :} 2 - Events I have planned my server 3 - A chihuaha event I'm going to in Nov 4 - Finshing this damn art :')

three people uhh

@reboothill I met them a few years ago, I was kinda in a weird mental health space at the time and because of a lot of past issues I had A LOT of issues with communicating. I had also went through nearly an entire year of not talking to anyone, I was just extremly depressed constantly and felt I wasn't good enough for anyone and just wanted to push people away but they reached out to me and after talking we sparked our friendship again and I feel I've grown closer to them in everyway. I love them so much as my best friend I have but also like a sibling and I know I can be difficult but I seriously value there patients and friendship.

@kenjirose I only really met Rose this year and it was just by chance and in a pretty funny way how we met. We at first weren't very close, we just knew eachother and talked to eachother. It was by chance of me asking if they'd like to make a server with me that our friendship kinda bloomed from there. Rose has had to put up a lot from me. I didn't really talk to a lot of people so I had communication issues but Rose stayed patient with me even through very increadbly rough times. I know I feel I can go to Rose for a lot of stuff and I hope in ways they feel the same. I hope things get better for you Rose and I hope we can have more years talking to eachother.

@cconcerned Is another person I only met this year and we clicked with eachother straight away but due to certain circumstances the two of us never really bonded in the first few months. We liked the same things, we have the same humour and they are just an extremly friendly person. Idk if what happened was a blessing or a curse but due to it I feel like I've gotten closer to them and I would break kneecaps for them. I hope your future goes well dude like you really deserve the fucking world at this point

[junosswans]

Advice needed on seeking diagnosis!!

How do yall ask your psychiatrist for an autism assessment when you have already once implied that you suspect that you have it, but she dismissed it and it's never brought up again? Like how to word it properly without sounding weird or desperate?

For context, I have been seeing her for my depression for a few years now, and she's absolutely wonderful. Randomly diagnosed me with adhd a few months ago and the meds have been very helpful too. (the adhd was very unexpected)

But I just... ever since learning more about autism in adults and how I have some similar physical characteristics to autistic folks (e.g. low muscle tone, extreme motion sickness, etc) I have been rather certain about myself being on the spectrum; I tried to subtly bring that up once like a year ago, saying "haha I heard this from my lecturer, isn't it funny that I have the same issues?" but my psychiatrist just sort of... didn't take it seriously I guess?

My social worker has been encouraging me to talk to the psychiatrist to get an ASD diagnosis, so that she can refer me to another NGO that can maybe help me with the sensory issues, but I honestly don't know how to bring it up again without sounding like I am trying to "collect" diagnosis or just want the diagnosis for fun/personal benefits /__\

Also, considering that I am mostly functional in life, I feel kind of ashamed and embarrassed to seek such diagnosis and service, and I feel like an imposter-- which is yet another reason why I have no idea how to bring it up with my psychiatrist.

[womenareonline]

A letter to someone I haven’t talked to in months

I wanted to write something about how it is hard to create something (art?) that involves someone else and try not to hurt them. When you want to express yourself and how you feel but someone else is involved in the process. Instead, I wrote this: something very personal about one specific person in mind. I am sorry, but sometimes we just do.

I moved to Barcelona around 6 months ago. Remember how I told you I had applied for a master’s degree? I went to see the Japanese House in Newcastle, one of those bands that not a lot of people know, and you probably haven’t. And on my way, I stayed in Manchester. I really like Newcastle, not so much Manchester. I take the bus at 10 pm to get back from uni. I took the night bus at 4 am to get back from a friend's house once. Sometimes I take the metro late at night back from my brother’s. That’s kind of rare back at home, remember how much anxiety it gave me? It was my birthday two months ago. I don't know if you remember or just ignored it. I turned 28. It hurt, to be honest. It really hurt when you didn't even text me. It hurt to think you just forgot. Did you even think about me that day? Do you even think about me? I am writing my thesis. It’s about memes. Who knew my trolling tendencies would get me to write an entire thesis? I did really well in my classes and I really enjoyed my thesis subject. I still get waves of depression, anxiety, and isolation. I’m trying to get better at that. I go on walks and force myself to do stuff I like. It’s all a bit easier here. It’s safer, sunnier and there is so much stuff I haven’t done yet. It’s very different than in Latam. I spend a lot of Fridays crying. Because I miss home or because I just feel a bit lost. I miss my family a lot. My sister got married. It’s funny because for a while I thought about inviting you. But then all of that happened… My other sister was here a few days ago and we spent some time in Paris. I also miss Coni. Lollapalooza Argentina is around the corner and I wish I could experience it with her. I talked to her all day and she replies within the day which I really need. Doesn’t take her a month. I saw the 1975 in Madrid and Paris. I know you don’t like them and just pretend you did for me. You probably hate Matty Healy because of the Taylor thing. That’s funny. I am better at that. Caring less about online discussions and bullshit. It truly doesn’t matter. In the end, none of it matters. Bet you are glad you no longer have to keep up with musicians you don’t know. Or pretend you like their music. Speaking of that, I'm still hurt at what you said when all of that went down. It really hurt. It hurt the way you grabbed my feelings and threw them to the ground. After all the talks we had, I thought you’d be better than that. I know you want to know about my love life because that’s all people like you want to know. I am taking my time to heal so I’m working on myself, I truly don’t want anyone to get in the way of that. Guarding my heart and mind. I don’t have much to say. But today I was leaving the Louvre crossing the road to walk by the Seine and I saw the Eiffel Tower. I was listening to You're Loosing Me by Taylor Swift and I realized you truly lost the best thing at any party, me. I mean look at everything I get to do. Look at everything I enjoy and the people I have. And you lost me.

[butididnottried]

Of Billy antis and, apparantely, their, i guess, apprecation for Neil, more or less <3

Am gonna be “whiny” because why not Neil, whyyy never Neeeil, it’s fucking never fucking Neil, FUCK. HIM. All of my homies hate Neil.

So, this post, this fucking post, that was made, like, two days ago? Because of reason this one specific post snapped something in my brain. I don’t even know why, it’s typical anti post, with typical “oh how irremediable monster Billy is” arguments. Nothing new. Ok, the new thing is that op removed this post and apologized. Like, that’s nice and all, but also ??? People usually don’t behave like that, good for you op for handling that properly and nicely.

(I already wrote some of this post and it’s longer than i expected, so, under the cut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Funny thing is, that i started following fandom some time after season 4, because of how steddie flooded everything, and it was really nice, seriously, jut a bunch of fans cooing over their new blorbo. In a few weeks i learned very much about ST and it’s characters only from fandom (not valid very bad way of doing that, misinformation and bad takes and interpretations up to the roof xD), but from perspective of time i can recognize how weirdly selective that knowledge was, because, holy shit, from what i saw while there was no hate towards Billy, his existence was fully ignored. It took me over a month of reading fanfics before i came up to one with Billy in it (evil, very evil, because steddie need to happen somehow), and despite reading many fics with Max in them, i had absolutely no idea who the guy was. Like, the heck? Just some background bully character? With absolutely no connections to this disabled, kinda bitchy poor girl? Or fully abled, happy and with no worries bitchy girl. Depressed in canon? No sir, we don’t know her. Just superior characterization. :/

I don’t remember how i stumble to the Billy side of fandom, but wow, that was fast. While steddie side was - still then - nice nad fluffy and mostly with no real worries, Billy stans had the real, fat meat with thick gravy, and guys, my dudes, the most smartest girlies, you we’re and still are, taking this apart - child and domestic abuse, homophobia, racism, classism, repression, masculinity, objectification, parentification, disability, mental illnesess, ableism, prejudicions, writing of the show, themes, cinematography, all that stuff, just, mmm, delicioso *chefs kiss* And this is also how i learned about Billys antis, i saw how they behave and talk, how hateful they are and how steddies grew just to be most awful, sadly making ST fandom almost as bad as Star Wars fandom, if not at the same level. But. But i’m not active in the fandom, i’m one of these fans that are just stalking, watching, reading, reblogging. No, i never had to handle antis myself. (Like, it’s my third post about ST and in previous two i was just making fun of it xD) And yet i know how many, many of them are full of hate, almost deliberate ignorance and just horrible views. Listen, if somebody is harshly and negatively criticising the supernatural/fantasy side of a show, ok, we can talk and exchange opinions, because these parts of plot are not real, usually have no equivalent in real world, even if they can be metaphors for real problems, most times we don’t need to be so serious about these. But if someone says that abused character that is not, how to put it, not behaving nice about their abuse, deserve only to suffer and die, then big yikes on a red flag, because for 99,9% that’s also their opinion on real people. And like, i never was abused. My dad, while more or less neglectful, was against hitting kids, and in school, while bullied, i never was beaten up or in a real fight (but, yo, my good people, it was because i was radioactive back then so no close contact, why not), and still, i can have empathy, sympathy and fucking compassion for Billy. Just like i had it in elementary school after learning that one of my bullies was beating by his parents. We didn’t become friends or anything like that, but. It’s not that hard, to have some basic understanding.

Sooo, it feels like this is kinda too long already and not very necessary, but i just wanted you to know my, eeeh... where do i stand in fandom, my position towards it? Because it’s different, how i’m just silently hoovering above, and how you all are in this all, dealing with antis even for years, since season 2, and most probably many of you already had conversations about this, but in this almost a year i’m here i didn’t saw mentions of that thing. Maybe it was just talked to death and left behind. Because, honestly, i’m not a smart person, kinda of a dumbass even, and in no way i’m first to notice that. That thing, with antis, that i started this post with. Get back to the ponit, which is...

FUCKING NEIL.

Those two lines in post i mentioned, about “Runaway Max”.

“anyway, the amount of pure hatred i feel for billy hargrove just keeps intensifying with every chapter i read.“

“according to max, him and neil “have a lot of opinions about anyone who isn’t white and Lutheran and a man (128).“

Pure hatred for Billy. But Billy and Neil. Billy AND Neil. Are having these same bigotes views. With emphasis on “these same bigotes views”, because of course, yeah, sure, why not. But there’s no hatred for Neil. Only Billy. Neil is almost non-existent. He’s noticed only when it need to be made very crystal clear that abuse that Billy is going through is absolutely not an excuse for his actions, nuh uh, no sir, there’s a checkmark on this and that’s all, no need to say more abou that one particular man. He is schrodinger abuser - has everything to do with Billys behaviour and absolutely nothing at all. Seriously, Neil is talked about only on Billys side of fandom.

It’s fucking never “during season 2 Billy was just the worst, so violent and agressive, he was a bigot, a sexist, so SOOO so racist, a murderer and rapist and facist and nazi and he was speeding and smoking, drinking alcohol, having sex and throwing slurs left and right all the time, and he was abusing Max literally all the time and was controlling her every move just because he was an asshole and a bitch and dick and, oh the HORRORS, he was pursuing married, middle-aged woman that just simply could not say ‘no’ and cut that teenange bullshit behavior, becuase she’s a delicate and weak woman with no free wil and he’s an toxic man so she needs to do whatever he wants, i’m gonna faint any moment because of how vile and irremediable villain he is. Oh what’s that. His father is the same? Neil is using slurs? Violent towrads his own son? He’s the one making Billy hoovering over Max like a hawk? Is Neil treating Max like that? Is Max safe in her own home? What abou Susan? Oh, oh, Jail for Neil! Jail for Neil for one thousand years! And Billy too, because i hate them BOTH. They’re togehter just the worst. And in season 4, when Max admits that she’s happy that Billy died, and it’s truth and only truth and nothing more and less that just the truthies truth, and she says in her letter that Neil left? Oh, how relieveing that this monster is gone. Maybe Max and her mom are poorer right now and are living in a trailer, but at least they’re finally free of abuse, violence and bigotry.

Ah, no, sorry, it’s actually only about Billy. They just do not hate Neil. Why? Like, i know why, but WHY? I did not read “Runaway Max”, but i know that there’s a few pages long (good fucking god) of very depictive descrpition of how Neil beat the shit out of Billy. Seriously. Not only to the blood, but enough tto Billy having problems with event standing up from the floor. But his grown man hurting and teenanger is not that bad really, only kinda bad, not as much as his victim, we don’t need to focus on mr. Hargrove too much because his role in Max life is apparently not big enough to be in any way important. But i know that from Billy side of fandom, while antis are without any break relieving over and over how Billy cast dead cat on fire (not gonna lie, i personally also would not like that). But also it looks like this book is written in a way that makes Max an very reliabe narrator, that always says the most unbiased and objective truth. Well, at least antis are believing her every word. And yea, books shouldn’t at every step reminding reader that, hey, do not believe that person every word, they’re fucking kid and know almost nothing of world, but - and, eh, i don’t want it to sound like i’m throwing accusation at this book author, i don’t know this person and this is just how it looks from the outside, from opinions and quotes that i saw on both sides. But, it unfortunately looks like this author is more or less Billy anti themself, like they’re sharing and endorsing these same views at abuse. Maybe they don’t care, maybe before writing this book they watched the show once and had very shallow outcomes from it, maybe they weren’t digging deeper into that and wanted just get some fat check for writing a book for a popular franchise. Honestly, valid. But why then be so cruel and careless towards depictions of abuse? Just for shock value? Like Duffers? I guess :/

Anyway, antis. So fucking adamant of how they hate abuse, how it’s bad, how they are so good and right and caring, but the real abuser it out of their picture. It almost looks like they have nothing against him. Oh, Neil is calling Billy slurs, slapping him and humiliating? He can have that, be a violent homophobe as a treat, because i also hate Billy, so Neil is my kind of guy. But also Billy deserve to be called slurs and beaten up, so. Are they the same type of person? Antis and Neil? That’s why they don’t talk about him? Because they’re aware thay they would sound very similar to him? (i coneccted the dots lol) Neil with no doubt is a bigot. And many Billy antis are racist and ableist towards his fans. Victimblaming Billy for what’s happening to him. I’m sooo veRY PREtty sure that Neil do not want to do these things to Billy, but this boy just don’t know how to behave properly, like a real man, with respect and all that other bullshit, yadda yadda.

Maybe instead of stranger-rants bingo cars about bullshit  that anits are repeating about Billy we should have this one shrek meme with Lord Farquaad pointing finger and text “child and domestic abuse apologizer”. Because there’s no middle ground on this topic. If in this situation you’re againts Billy, then you’re on Neils side. You’re against any kind of abuse, or you’re just an asshole that is using poor excuses to doom ceartain people to suffering because you don’t like them or they don’t met your very specific and weird (and more or less unethical) morals. God fucking not bless holy shit kurwa mać ja pierdolę. :/

Or, maybe, you we’re a victim yourself and that’s why you hate Billy. But, listen, if you wen’t through hell because someone was hurting you, why you think that there are people that deserve the same? When you know how horrible and scary that is? Did you deserved that? No. Then why someone else should be abused? Because they’re reacting bad to what’s happening to them? They can’t copy in a healthy way? Hey, hey. You know what, sounds like you also can’t copy healty, if you’re harassing strangers, calling them names and use your own abuse as an excuse for how you behave, while be very, agressively firm about how Billys abuse is not an excuse to be a shitty person. Get off internet, get off fandom, really curate your safe space and get away from antis, apply some self care.

[blazehedgehog]

Did you ever watch much XPlay? What did you think of it?

XPlay was (almost) always bad. It started out as a show called "Extended Play", which was a pretty normal game news/reviews show on TechTV.

It was still Adam Sessler, but this was before Morgan Webb -- his cohost here was Kate Botello. Again, things were pretty normal and average. When TechTV got bought and converted to G4, "Extended Play" was changed to become "XPlay" and over the course of a year or two, got retooled to be "funny."

This meant a lot of long, pointless, annoying comedy skits between the game coverage, and a lot of reviews often contained "jokes" as well.

I liked to catch the occasional episode of Extended Play, but XPlay quickly became totally unwatchable. And since it was the early 2000's, a lot of that humor was intentionally very smug and offensive. This was the peak "boys will be boys" era of, like, EGM dedicating pages to swimsuit centerfolds, the stink of endless men's cologne sampler ads, and Playboy featuring CG renders of a topless Bloodrayne. Things were dire.

It's easy to forget that, given how long ago that original run of XPlay was. Rose-tinted nostalgia sets in because it was basically one of the only TV shows dedicated to games and industry news at that time. But it was foul. When I stop and actually think about it in-depth, I have no fond memories of XPlay whatsoever, because I have no actual memories of XPlay at all. It became something I avoided whenever possible. The show was insufferable.

Hearing that Adam Sessler has been having a perpetual, ongoing meltdown for months is really depressing, too. I used to try and take the dude's side, because he seems completely fried by "toxic gamers" coming after him, but he's also like... not stopping? At some point you'd expect the guy to walk away, but lately it seems like every few weeks he's going on another rant about how he hates video games now and is glad he "left." Except he never actually leaves. He just quote-tweets the next guy in line and goes on another 25 tweet rant about how everyone else is the worst. He seems completely broken.

His latest meltdown is because somebody called out one of these XPlay "comedy skits" -- and all he would have to do is spare a moment of reason, say "it was a different time, and a lot of things have changed since then, including me." But it's just another platform for him to scream and vomit about gamers again while the audience pelts him with peanuts. The dude has given up in every way except the ones that actually matter.

Everybody --you, me, Adam Sessler-- just need to walk away. Clearly nobody is happy with this outcome.

[jomatto]

Attack Weak Point for Mass Destruction

After a bit of internet sleuthing, I found that someone had archived everything on FF.net up until 2016 here.

I thought it was a long shot, but I went ahead and downloaded 5 gigs of old-ass fics in the "P" category. I opened it up and tried searching for my story but it didn't show up.

Just to make sure, I tried searching manually by scrolling through the txt files. I wasn't making much progress, so I tried the search bar again and it finally appeared. Guess I just had to wait for it to index.

Funny to think that I'd go through all this effort to recover this little piece of almost lost history. It was not at all how I envisioned today going, but I'm glad I went through the effort.

Since it was in a txt file, I had to do some minor reformatting to get those bolds and italics back. Aside from that, I did no changes.

I don't think I ever explained the reasoning behind the title. It's a combination of a meme born from Sony's infamous 2006 PS3 press conference and the battle track from Persona 3.

So, I present a long-deleted never-completed fanfic of mine:

Attack Weak Point for Mass Destruction

Category: Persona Series Genre: Friendship, Humor Language: English Status: In-Progress (DEAD) Published: 2012-05-31 Updated: 2012-06-13 Rating: T Chapters: 4 Words: 8,331

Chapter 1: A Leader's Responsibility

Yu Narukami opened his eyes to a pleasant sight.

It was just the ceiling, but it was familiar. After the ordeal he went through, something as ordinary as the ceiling was oddly comforting. The silver-haired youth was on his bed, enjoying the soft feel of his mattress. He hadn't relaxed like this in a long time. The case was now solved and there was nothing more to do other than enjoy his remaining time here in Inaba. He, along with his group of close friends, discovered the true culprit behind the serial murders and beat the crap out of it. The town was saved from a foggy demise and everything was back to normal.

There would be no more victims, no more mysteries, and no more battles, just three months, or twelve weeks, or eighty days of free time. He still had school, but compared to those days of investigating, chasing down leads, and enacting rescue operations, school might as well be vacation.

It was hard to believe that eight months could go by so quickly. It seemed just like yesterday when he arrived at Yasoinaba Station, greeted by his uncle and adorable little cousin. He was definitely going to miss this place. Even if it was short, it was truly the happiest period of his life.

He was a little worried though. With no more mystery to solve, what was there to do? As stressful as it was to fight shadows, it was also extremely rewarding. Nothing could match that feeling of victorious satisfaction from smiting a mighty foe. With no more enemies to fight, it was hard to get excited. For all he knew, this was the peak of his life. What there anything to look forward to after saving the world?

The thought was a little depressing, but he allowed himself a small smile. The world wasn't lacking in mysteries, heck, he was surrounded by them. The end of one journey was just the start of another.

His friends, no matter how much time he spent with them, continued to surprise. Eight months was hardly enough to learn everything about a person, even if he already saw their darkest secrets revealed. That was just one part of them though, and there was more to people than their dark sides. What about their hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and everything in between? He recalled the words his junior, Rise Kujikawa, once told him:

"Senpai, I really admire your strength. I think you're the perfect leader. You have no weaknesses at all!"

She always heaped unhealthy amounts of praise on him, but this was one of the few times she actually meant it. His ability to wield multiple personas ensured that his weaknesses could very well become his strength the next moment. He had long ago memorized the weaknesses of each of his friends; he wouldn't be an effective leader otherwise, but it was a different story outside of battle. What about their weaknesses as people?

His smile widened into a grin. He finally found it; his next mission. Before he came to Inaba, he was always moving from place to place because of his parents. He never had a chance to really make friends. He was afraid of being alone.

Because of them, that changed. They turned his weakness—his fear—into his strength. He could freely admit that he was happy now. It was an honest and refreshing feeling. He owed them for that. It was his turn to repay the favor. He would help his friends the same way they helped him, and turn their weak spots into points of pride.

Enough lying around; he got up from bed and walked over to his desk. He opened a drawer and picked up a dart. He kept it as a memento from the Port Island school trip. He tossed it towards the ceiling and without looking, snatched it out of the air quite easily. He took aim at the dartboard across the room, and with a quick flick of his wrist, the dart flew true.

Bullseye.

"Attack weak point for mass destruction."

He knew what he had to do.

It was, after all, a leader's responsibility.

Chapter 2: Like A Dragon  

Chie Satonaka tapped her foot nervously.

When she woke up this morning, she definitely did not expect to be greeted with a text message from Yu, especially when it said:

Come over to my place today afternoon.

After convincing herself that he probably sent the same message to their whole group, she finally left the house and showed up at his doorstep only to discover that she was the only one there. What could this mean? From the street, it was amusing to see this girl fret to and fro in front of the apartment. She wasn't wearing her usual track sweater, and instead, opted for something more feminine than usual. It was hard scrounging up something that didn't scream "tomboy," but she managed somehow. It was a light, airy, and sleeveless blouse—something she would never wear if it wasn't for the situation.

She smacked herself on the head. Snap out of it, Chie! This was no time to be fantasizing. It wasn't like he was interested in her or anything. Why would he when he was surrounded by so many girls much prettier than her? She was starting to feel stupid. What was she getting so excited for? She should probably just go back home and switch into her normal clothes since it'd be awkward if he saw her in this outfit and—

"Ah, you're here."

She recoiled from his sudden appearance. She wasn't even ready yet! Yu's welcoming smile was the last thing she wanted to see, even if it made her warm in the face. "H-hey there," she stammered. She instinctively crossed her arms to shield herself from his curious gaze.

"You look cute today," he complimented.

"Sh-shut up!" What was wrong with her? The words made her happy, but she just had to lash out like that. She mentally cursed herself. This was why she never got anywhere.

He wasn't fazed at all. "Come on in."

Okay Chie, just take it one step at a time. She entered the familiar home. She had visited tons of times before, so why was she so nervous today? "Where's Nanako-chan?" she asked.

"She's with my uncle. It's just you and me here."

"Just us...alone?" Her heart sped up a little. She slapped herself lightly on the cheek to calm herself down. Her imagination was getting the best of her. "So uh...why'd you invite me over today?" she squeaked.

"Have a seat," he implored. She complied, sitting down at the dining room table. She watched as he opened the refrigerator, pulled out a package from the freezer, and held it up for her to see. It was a packet of beef. "Surprise," he said, grinning.

"Is that—!" Her mouth was already starting to water. Steak personally grilled by Yu? Could the day get any better?

"Yup. And you're the one cooking it."

"Huh? W-wait a minute, are you serious?"

Yu's face didn't budge a single inch. "Of course."

"You're joking, right? You're a much better cook than I am." And as much as she hated to admit it, her cooking skills were beyond abysmal. She would never be able to do the meat justice. "So you should just cook it yourself, and besides, it looks pretty expensive, and I don't want you to be wasting your money..."

He ignored her as she prattled on more excuses as to why she shouldn't cook. Honestly, he agreed with all of them, but that wasn't the point.

Mystery Food X.

Even the name gave him chills. His stomach groaned at the memory. Mystery Food X turned him off to curry for months. It was amazing how she was able to invert the very essence of cooking, turning sustenance into death. It wasn't fair to push all of Mystery Food X's failures on Chie alone, but Yukiko had been making earnest attempts to improve her cooking since, and she had an army of chefs to help her out at the inn.

Chie was a different story though. Yosuke would never again touch anything she ever made, and everyone else was less than willing to taste test for her. Her opportunities to improve were limited. Since he was the best cook out of all of them, and she the worst, it made sense for him to teach her. That wasn't the only reason though. Out of everyone, she was the one he owed the most.

To this day, he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she extended her hand to him in friendship. He was used to transferring in and out quietly, but Chie decided to step in and save him from King's Moron's fury, and even invited him to walk home with her and Yukiko on his first day. It might've been because he was a city boy in a small town, or she was just being polite, but whatever the reason, and he was forever grateful to her.

So it fell on him to make sure that she wouldn't kill anyone the next time she cooked.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," he admonished. "That's why I'm here, to teach you."

Her eyes widened. "You want to teach me? But..."

He smiled at her. "Don't you want to learn how?"

Of course she did! She never thought too much about it, but after the lunches Yu made for her, she realized how happy a meal could make a person. Receiving a well-cooked lunch was, in her opinion, the greatest gift she could ever receive, especially if it was steak! But the thought of subjecting Yu to her awful cooking made her wince. What if she never improved? What if he got so frustrated with her that he'd just give up? There were so many things that could go wrong. "Are you sure you want to? What if I don't get better?"

He patted her on the head. "Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter how long it takes, I'll stick with you until you can make something so delicious, even Yosuke will praise you for it."

It was condescending to be patted on the head, but if it was Yu, well... She blushed. He always had a knack with words. "Okay...I'll trust you then."

"Let's get started."

When it came to learning how to cook, it was best to start with a favorite dish. He figured if he started with steak, Chie would pick it up quickly. It also helped that steak was a relatively simple dish to prepare.

"Alright!" she yelped, clenching her fists. She was hyped now. She wasn't confident in her skills, but with Yu here with her, she felt like she could do anything. "So what's the first step?"

He was glad to see her so enthusiastic, it would make things easier. "Have you ever cooked steak before?"

"No, but it shouldn't be too hard. Don't you just nuke it in the microwave?" He just stared at her in awe. "Uh…is that wrong?"

"Steak is grilled," he explained.

She slapped her hand with her fist. "Ah! That's right! I totally forgot."

He was beginning to see why she was so bad at cooking. "You're not entirely wrong though. You can still use a microwave to thaw the meat, but lucky for you, I already thawed some out. But before we do anything, we have to make the marinade."

She perked up at that. "Ohhh, you mean the sauce!"

"Exactly. I have all the ingredients here, so let me tell you what they are: ginger, garlic, soy sauce, sugar, and sake. The first step in cooking is making sure that you have all the right ingredients." He grimaced as he recalled his time at the grocery store in Junes, when Chie and Yukiko decided to pick up anything that sounded remotely relevant to their planned meal. "The number one most important rule is to never, ever, stray from the recipe."

She chuckled uncomfortably. "Sorry about that, but—"

"No buts. You have a cell phone, don't you? Look up the recipes and make sure you have the right ingredients. There's really no excuse in this day and age."

"Okay, okay, I get it! Get the right ingredients."

"It's the number one rule." He grabbed a ginger root and a spoon. "Next, we have to prepare the ingredients. First things first, we peel the skin."

So that was what ginger looked like; she had no idea. It looked like a pale, skinny, and lumpy potato. He broke off a piece and handed her one. "What do I do with this?" she wondered.

"You take the spoon and scrape off the skin." He demonstrated by deftly moving his hands up and down, the skin disappearing with each stroke.

"Whoa!" she said in amazement.

"Give it a try," he encouraged.

She took the spoon hesitantly. Could she really do this? Yu's gentle smile gave her all the courage she needed. "Here I go!" She smashed the spoon into the root, causing it to splinter into useless bits. "Oh…was that too strong?"

"Maybe a little, no—definitely too strong." He handed her another piece of root since the other one was demolished beyond all repair. "Don't put so much force into it. Do it lightly this time."

"Got it!" She psyched herself up again and started scraping with much less force—actually, with hardly any force. She was barely grazing the surface. "It's not working!"

"Okay, here's my advice. Remember what you did before, when you did it too strongly?" She nodded. "And right now, you're doing it too lightly, so try to do it in between. Not too strong and not too light."

"It's working!" she gasped. The skin was finally peeling off. "That was some great advice!"

Some people needed the obvious to be pointed out for them. "Yeah…okay, next, I want you to pick up a knife and—"

"A knife? Couldn't you just, you know, smash the ginger into pieces with your hand?" It sounded just like her to smash things. Unfortunately, food was not made through martial arts, although it would be great for tenderizing meat. For everything else, a delicate touch was required, which could only be achieved through precision tools like knives.

"It's impossible to dice ginger with your hands."

"You don't know that! I once saw in a movie that you can cut vegetables with the right techniques."

"There's a big difference between—okay, so let's just say that you can. Are you saying you know how?"

"No…" she answered quietly.

"Then that means you have to do it like everyone else, and that's with a knife."

"I…" Damn it, this was so embarrassing! She knew the second he offered to teach her that this would come up, but she didn't think that it would actually come up.

"What's wrong?"

The normally excitable Chie suddenly turned into a scared kitten before his eyes. "I'm afraid of knives," she admitted.

"You're afraid of knives?" he repeated. Wait, that didn't make sense. She cooked things before, how did she do it without a knife? When he thought about it though, it actually did make sense. Yukiko probably handled all the cutting at the school campout, and a knife wasn't necessary to make an omelet—the same goes for cake. Then all this time, she was trying to cook without using a knife? He tried to look at Chie but she hid her face.

"You can laugh now."

He still had a lot to learn about her. After all this time and he had no idea. She hid it pretty damn well. "Why didn't you say anything about my katana, or even Yosuke's knives?"

"Th-that's completely different! And I trust you guys, so it's fine but… When I was kid, I was in the kitchen one time. I saw the knife on the counter, got curious, and ended up cutting myself by accident. I've been afraid of knives since," she confessed. It was a simple story, but just because it was simple didn't make it any less impactful. It was hard to let go of childhood fears, so he could understand. He always wondered why she used her feet in battle instead of a weapon, but this explained everything. "It's impossible for me to hold a knife."

"You'll never get any better at cooking unless you confront your fear," he stated bluntly.

"Aren't there like tons of dishes out there that don't require cutting?"

"Are you running away? That's not like you, Chie."

"I'm not! I'm just…avoiding it."

"It's the same thing," he said, sighing. He grabbed a knife and held it up. "Do you mind?"

She shook her head. "I trust you so it's fine."

"In that case…" He put himself behind her and grabbed her hand.

"W-what are you doing?" He was too close! She could practically feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Do you trust me?"

"I—" She resisted the urge to elbow his side and flip him over the table. "Of course I do."

"Then grab the knife," he ordered.

"I can't!"

"You can." He led her hand towards the knife. "Hold it and I'll make sure you don't cut yourself. Let me guide you."

She could spend her whole life running away from knives, or she could face her fear and hold the damn thing. How pathetic. She was cowering in front of him. How weak could she be?

"You're strong Chie. That's why I know that you can face this with no problem. Compared to what we've been through, a little knife isn't going to scare you, is it?" He was right behind her, and his overwhelming presence was enough to override her anxiety for the moment.

Before she knew it, she found herself holding a knife. "AH!" She let go but a firm hand covered hers, preventing it from dropping.

"Don't let go," he warned.

She was completely frozen, and it had nothing to do with the knife, but everything to do with his hand on hers.

Yu had no clue about Chie's fried brain and continued to hold tightly. If she trusted him with a katana, then surely she wouldn't protest if he was there to guide her? It wasn't just her, they were both holding the knife, and there was no way he was going to allow an accident to happen. "Are you okay?"

"You're so mean," she whimpered.

The comment drew laughter from the boy. "That's fine, as long you get over your fear. Just concentrate on holding the knife, and I'll handle the rest."

Yu's hand was large, engulfing hers easily, and warm. She felt like crying. This was so embarrassing, and her hands were starting to get clammy too. "S-sorry for sweat," she apologized weakly. He seemed to ignore it and continued guiding her. His grasp was gentle and left small tingles on her skin.

She shut her eyes. This was just a dream. Yeah, that was it. She must be daydreaming. Any moment now and she'd snap out of it. There was no way this was happening for real. The sound of the blade clacking against the cutting board continued to ring in her ears. Any time now… Wake up. Wake up, damn it!

"I knew you could do it."

She opened her eyes and saw the ginger was minced. "I did?" She looked at her hand and it was indeed by itself. Just when did he let go? She could've sworn he was still holding her. Was she imagining his warmth? He really was amazing. He made her forget all about the knife. The only thing on her mind was his touch. She smiled in relief. "Can you help me cut the garlic now?" she pleaded.

"Huh? But you—"

"One time isn't enough, idiot! You think I can get over my fear that easily? So, hurry up and hold the knife already!"

He let out a soft smile. It was probably too much to hope that Chie could get over her aichmophobia with a simple trick. He gripped her hand again and found her unusually pliant this time. She must've found her motivation. "Alright, let's do this again."

After they finished cutting up the garlic, they blended the rest of the ingredients together to make a rich teriyaki sauce. Chie dipped her finger in the bowl and gave it a taste. "Wow! This is great stuff."

"You should be proud; you made it."

"We made it," she corrected. "And you did most of the work."

He laughed. It was hard getting her to accept credit. "Now, all we have to do is let the steak marinade in the fridge for a couple hours and after that, it's grilling time."

"Woohoo! I can't wait!" She threw her arms in the air in excitement. "So what now?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you want."

"Whatever I—" Get a hold yourself, Chie, he didn't mean it like that. "Then let's uh…go watch some TV!" She hopped over to the living room and turned on the tube.

Yu followed her and took a seat by the low table. "Anything good on?"

She flipped through the channels until she saw a guy get kicked in the face. Whenever something like that happened on TV, that was when she knew she found something good. She turned to Yu. "Oh, do you like these kinds of movies? I can change the channel if you want."

He shook his head. "I don't mind."

"Awesome!"

It was a martial arts marathon, with hours upon hours of glorious punching, kicking, and acrobatics. Chie got pretty into it, but when the marathon ended, it was finally time to cook.

Yu showed her how to set up the grill and took out the marinated steaks. They were cut in thin slices. He opened a cabinet and pulled out a pack of bamboo skewers. "Now for the easy part. Just stick these through the steak and let it grill for a minute."

"Gotcha." She took a skewer and stabbed it through, forcing the meat to crumple and fold magnificently on the stick. If she could, she'd eat it right now.

They were in the middle of grilling when Dojima and Nanako came home. "Something smells good!" Nanako cried out.

Dojima looked into the kitchen. "Wow, steaks? What's the occasion?"

Yu thought about it for a second. "New Years?"

"Good enough for me," the detective laughed. "Come on Nanako, let's go wash our hands."

"Yay, steak!" The little girl's celebrations drew a kind gaze from Yu..

"I think I'm finished," Chie alerted.

Yu came over and inspected the slice. It was grilled to perfection. "Why don't you try it out?"

"Here I go!" She stuffed it into her mouth and chewed. It was… "Delicious!"

"It tastes better knowing that you made it, doesn't it?"

She agreed. It was the best steak she ever had. "Thanks a lot, Yu. Honestly, I decided to give up on cooking but… I guess I'm not as hopeless as I thought."

Yu took a fresh skewer off the grill and tried one for himself. It tasted satisfying. "I always wondered why you said 'pudding' instead of 'steak.'"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"The beauty pageant."

"Ugh, don't remind me." So she lied. Wasn't pudding more feminine than steak? It was the only reason she answered "pudding" as her favorite food during the pageant.

"There's nothing wrong with liking steak. It's pretty classy, I think," he told her.

"Really, you think so too?" she said excitedly. She knew Yu would understand!

"And it fits you perfectly."

"Wha—" What was he trying to say about her?

"Sh-shut up you idiot!"

He laughed out loud. Something about being called idiot by Chie made him happy. "Alright, I wonder what we should make next…"

"W-Wait, isn't steak enough?"

"Of course not. Beef is expensive. Are you going to be making steak every time you cook for yourself? "

"I…" Wait, what was she complaining for? This meant she could spend more time with him! "I'll be happy to learn. Just you wait; I'll make you something so good, you'll say WOW! After all, the student always surpasses the master."

"I look forward to it." He grinned when a brilliant thought struck him. "Oh, I got it! How about I teach you how to make chocolate-covered grasshoppers?"

"IDIOT!"

Chapter 3: The Bro Code  

Yu looked over his shoulder to see his best friend, Yosuke Hanamura, with his face down against the desk.

It was a familiar sight, and one that drew regular criticism from teachers. They chalked it up to laziness, but it was really because of his job at Junes. It wasn't easy being the manager's son. Fortunately, it was lunch time.

Yu debated whether or not to wake him up. Yosuke didn't appreciate it whenever he was roused from much-needed sleep, but on the other hand, he didn't like waking up on an empty stomach either. As he contemplated this conundrum, Yu's eyes fell on the headphones around Yosuke's neck.

He always wondered… What exactly was the point of those headphones? They weren't very functional considering its bulkiness, so he assumed it was some sort of fashion statement, but was that really the reason? Yu took this opportunity to find out. He grabbed the headphones and pulled them off carefully. Even though he wasn't expecting much, he put it on to see what was playing—if anything.

"—must exude extreme confidence. It requires patience and a certain mindset. One cannot be deterred by fear or niggling insecurities. You must push them aside and focus on the reality in front of you, for the essence of swag can only be achieved through—"

The headphones were suddenly ripped away.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Yosuke shouted, now awake. He held the headphones protectively close. "D-Did you hear anything?" A bead of sweat ran down his neck.

Yu tilted his head curiously. What the heck did he just listen to? "Something about swag?"

The entire class instinctively turned to Yu the second he mentioned "swag." He was surprised by the sudden attention.

Yosuke looked around nervously and stood up. "Let's go to the rooftop," he suggested, wanting to escape from the probing stares.

"Sure."

The duo left the classroom and climbed to the rooftop. They sat down at their usual spot. Yosuke set his back against the fence and smiled in embarassment. "Well this is awkward," he laughed. "I guess I can't hide it anymore."

"What were you listening to?"

"Since it's you, I'll tell you. Before I do that though, uh, you wouldn't happen to have a spare lunch, do you?" He mustered his brightest grin, as if it would increase his chances of receiving food.

Yu returned the smile. "Actually, I do."

"Seriously? You're the best, partner!"

The silver youth produced a strange looking lunchbox and offered it to Yosuke. It was a green box with streaks of yellow on the sides. It reminded Yosuke of something, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was fancier than the usual plain box Yuu gave him. "Did you buy a new box?"

"Something like that," he answered, chuckling eerily afterwards.

"I guess it doesn't matter. It's what's on the inside that counts, right?" He took off the lid, snapped the chopsticks apart, and started digging in. He shoved the food into his mouth with as much delicacy as a starving pig. It wasn't until after several minutes of chewing did he realize that something was off.

"Something wrong?"

Yosuke gulped. "Well, not exactly. It tastes kind of weird. Don't get me wrong, it's still good, but just not up to your usual standard. I guess even you have your bad days, huh?"

"Really? Chie's going be happy to hear that."

He paused as he tried to parse that statement. "What does Chie have to do with anything?"

"She's the one who made your lunch."

His eyes almost popped out of its sockets. "WHAT!" He looked at the lunchbox again, but this time, with extra caution. He finally realized how sloppy it looked. Yu's presentation was normally neat and immaculate, but this was messy and screamed "amateur!" Despite that, it tasted pretty decent, and that alone was enough to question Yu's statement. "You're joking."

"I'm not," Yu rebutted, chuckling at his friend's disbelief. "That is 100% Chie's cooking."

He couldn't believe it. "How is this even possible?" Chie and cooking went together like Naoto and dresses. They just didn't mix.

"I've been teaching her how to cook," he revealed.

"Damn. You're amazing. To think you can turn the worst cook in Inaba into a halfway decent one... Is there anything you can't do?"

He didn't buy into the flattery. It wasn't like he did anything special. "Actually, I wasn't sure if I did a good job teaching her. To be honest, I was afraid to try it myself. I'm glad to hear it's good though."

"Hold up, are you saying you didn't test this before serving me?"

Yu shoved his hands into his pockets and averted his gaze. "It's the first time she made something without my supervision. I wasn't sure how it would turn out so..."

"I was just your guinea pig? That is so not cool, man! I can't believe you put my life in danger like that!"

It was a little dramatic, even by Yosuke's standards. "It turned out fine in the end, didn't it?"

"That's not that point, it's just—ugh, never mind. I guess you're right, but next time, a little warning would be nice."

"But you never would've tried it if I told you."

He couldn't argue with that. "Let's just forget about it."

Yu smirked. He'd have to remember to tell Chie about this later. Yosuke would never admit it to her face that he found her cooking passable. She probably preferred to hear it was delicious, but it was baby steps for her. At least she was getting better. "So, about this essence of swag thing..."

Yosuke started choking on a piece of carrot. He slapped his chest a couple times to force it down. "Ack! Dude, don't bring that stuff up out of the blue!"

"I thought we were talking about it?"

"Wait until I finish my lunch," he pleaded. Yu was certainly pushing his buttons today. If Yosuke didn't know any better, he could've sworn Yu was just picking on him. He wolfed down the rest of the lunch in record time. It wasn't too hard since there wasn't much to savor.

"Finished?"

There were no more excuses left. He couldn't stall anymore. He would just have to tell him the truth. "Okay, just promise you won't laugh at me."

Yu considered those words carefully. "I promise."

Yosuke took a deep breath, held it, and let it out slowly. "At Junes, we sell all kinds of things. Whenever I help out, I usually don't do the same thing twice. So one day, I find myself in the CD section. There was a fresh shipment that needed stocking and I...heh, I guess there's really no good way to put this, but I found a series of self-help CDs."

"Self-help CDs?"

"Yeah... You know, stuff like Simplifying Your Life or How to Control Your Anger."

"I never knew you had anger issues," the silver boy joked.

"I don't, but one of the CDs stood out to me. It was called The Essence of Swag. You can go ahead and laugh now." He had to admit, it sounded ridiculous, but he wanted to become more confident, like Yu, who made it look so easy. He just wanted some of that swag for himself.

Yu blinked. Why would he laugh? It wasn't like he never resorted to books to improve his social skills. He had a whole of library of self-help guides, so he understood completely. "There's nothing wrong with that. I've done the same before."

"Really?" Yosuke was shocked. Wasn't Yu just a natural pimp?

The silver-haired boy nodded. "Maybe if you weren't so busy looking for my secret stash that doesn't exist; you would've noticed the stack of books on my shelf. I could let you borrow some if you want."

Yosuke waved his hands. "Nah, that's fine. I prefer to listen to my books, but thanks for offering. And I just know you have a stash somewhere, so don't even pretend you don't have one."

"So, why the sudden interest in self-improvement?" he asked, ignoring the last quip.

"It wasn't really sudden; it's been on my mind since…Saki-senpai."

A moment of silence for the dead.

"We never really had a chance to just relax," Yosuke continued. "We were always in the middle of investigating or fighting. I was kind of glad for it. It took my mind off things. But with the case solved, I figured it was time for a change. I think it's only now that I can say I've finally gotten over her. There are still things I don't like about myself, so I'm trying to do something about it."

Hearing that brought a smile to Yu's face. Yosuke seemed to have found an answer for himself. "That's great to hear."

"But man, this sucks. I thought I would've had a girlfriend by now. This wasn't how I imagined high school."

The silver-haired teenager laughed. At least Yosuke wasn't lacking in effort despite falling flat half the time—okay, all the time. "It'll happen. Just be patient."

"I sure hope so. I'm 0 for 2. Yukiko turned me down flat and Rise's all over you," he grumbled.

"Rise's just playing around," Yu excused. "It doesn't really mean anything."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, partner."

"What about Chie? Or even Naoto?" Yu brought up. It seemed odd to exclude them as candidates for girlfriend material.

The brunet let out a snort. "I like my girls to be, you know, girls." If they ever heard that, he'd probably get kicked in the face followed with a bullet to the forehead.

"Isn't that kind of harsh? I think they're both cute myself."

"I didn't expect them to be your taste."

"They're all cute to me," he declared diplomatically. He felt lucky to be even friends with them, and they were all attractive in their own way.

"I guess they are. Man… It's nice to just talk about girls like this. You're really the only one I can talk to about this stuff. Kanji probably doesn't have any clue about girls, and Teddie—well, the less said about him the better. I know I asked you this before, but… Is there anyone you like?"

Yu never gave it too much thought. It was enough to be surrounded by friends. He didn't need anything more than that. But since Yosuke asked nicely, he might as well give him an answer. "You."

"W-What? Dude! That is not funny!" He grabbed his own shoulders and shivered. "Don't even joke about things like that!"

Yu laughed out loud. Yosuke was too easy to tease. He and Kanji shared more similarities than Yosuke would care to admit. "I'm not looking for a relationship right now. You guys are good enough for me." As long as he wasn't alone, he was fine.

"Ha. You say that now, but one day it'll hit you. You're a lucky guy though. You probably won't have any problems at all."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He gave Yu an incredulous look. "It doesn't really need to be explained, you lucky bastard."

Yu was completely baffled by Yosuke's attack. "Thanks?"

"Enough about that, I just got the most brilliant idea!" he yelled, changing the topic.

"What's that?"

"Let's hit up Okina City this Sunday!"

Rise had taken Yu to Okina City on occasion, so he knew the place. There wasn't anything there that they couldn't find in the shopping district. "What are we going to do there?"

"What else? To pick up chicks, of course! Think about it. There's no more mystery to solve and we have a whole three months ahead of us. It's time to let loose and have some fun. I can't do this by myself. Can you be my wingman?" It sounded like a proposal. He even pulled out his puppy dog face for extra persuasion.

It had zero effect, but it was proof of his desperation, and Yu wasn't that cruel. He was free that weekend, so why not? "Alright then, it's a date."

Yosuke immediately grimaced. "Dude, don't say it like that!"

Chapter 4: Airheaded Princess  

Yukiko Amagi, manager-in-training and heir to the Amagi Inn, was trying to clear her head.

Whenever she was stressed, she liked to go to her favorite spot, the pavilion near the Samegawa riverbank. The place wasn't anything special. It was a small roof over a bench made out of cheap wood, but it offered an ample view of nature and her favorite animal: the birds. There were plenty of them here, and watching them fly soothed her tumultuous mind.

Running an inn was hard work. It seemed impossible to juggle so many different responsibilities simultaneously, but her mother made it look easy. Everybody at the inn was eager to help, and for that, Yukiko was grateful, but there was one thing she couldn't do no matter how much support the staff offered, and that was entertaining the guests.

Her mother was a natural. She could coax a laugh out of the staunchest stone-faced customer with a single sentence. Yukiko's training helped her to improve in many areas, but she was still awkward around people. Other than be polite, she couldn't see herself as a host. It was a task beyond her abilities.

She was knocked out of her thoughts when she spotted Yu walking home by himself. His appearance struck her with a bolt of inspiration. Perhaps he could help?

"Leader!" she called out.

His head snapped to her, surprised by the shout out, and his eyes lit up. "Good afternoon. Another stressful day at work?" he greeted back.

Yukiko smiled shyly. The fact that he accurately guessed her situation made her feel warm. She wondered if his memory was just that good, or if he cared for her more than he let on. She shook her head; now was not the time to let daydreams lull her into an awkward silence. Yu was someone she could trust, so she had no problems going to him for help. That was the only reason she called out to him. "Um, can I ask you something?"

The silver-haired boy took a seat next to her and folded his hands. A brief wave of nostalgia hit him. This was how they first met outside of school. The more things changed, the more things stayed the same. He wouldn't have it any other way. "Of course. What is it?"

She fidgeted nervously. Just how was she going to say this? Forget it; she'd just say it plainly. "Am I funny?"

"How do you mean?" he asked back, perplexed. It was an odd question coming from her.

"Do I make you laugh?" she clarified.

"In what way?" he answered, still confused.

"I mean..." She sighed. His inability to reply properly was all the answer she needed. "Never mind. Sorry for asking you something strange." Her shoulders drooped in resignation.

Yu wouldn't let it go that easily. It was clear that this was bothering her. It was his job as leader to make sure she was okay. He had an idea, but he wanted to make sure that it was correct before offering advice. "When you say funny, do you mean like a comedian?"

Her eyes widened. Those were the exact words floating on the tip of her tongue. "That's exactly it," she confirmed happily. She hated trying to spell out things for other people, especially when it involved something embarrassing.

"In that case... No."

Instant KO! She was crushed. All her hopes and dreams…dashed, just like that. Where was the delicacy? "Really?"

"I don't think being funny fits your image." He meant it as a compliment, but the heiress didn't see it that way.

"I guess it's impossible for me after all," she said tiredly, feeling depressed.

He got the feeling that he missed the mark. "Do you want to be funny?"

She turned red. "When you put it like that..." It sounded dumb and childish, but yeah, that was the gist of it.

He thought of her as the type to laugh than make others laugh, not that the bar for setting off her laughter was particularly high, but she never gave any indication that she wanted to be an entertainer. To be funny seemed to go against her shy personality, but it did make a lot of sense. Shy people don't want to be shy, and the best way to be friendlier is to become funnier. "What is this for?" he asked.

"It's for running the inn. I can greet customers and act polite, but there's more to it than that. I have to be a great host as well. Unfortunately, I'm not very good with people I don't know..."

He didn't doubt that Yukiko would make a great manager, but her social skills left something to be desired when it came to strangers. Comedy was perhaps one way to fix that problem. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not funny either."

When he thought about it, the ones who were funniest were probably Yosuke, Teddie, and Kanji—Yosuke because he's such a spaz, Teddie because he says ridiculous things without realizing what they really mean, and Kanji because he gets worked up over the smallest things. The common thread that tied them together was that they didn't mean to be funny; it was just a happy byproduct of their personalities.

"Is there a way to become funnier?" she wondered. She wracked her brain for solutions but never got anywhere.

"Why don't you wear those special glasses?" he asked, referring to the joke nose and mustache rims.

Yukiko began giggling at the mental image of greeting guests with that getup. "I c-can't do that," she squeezed out between her giggles.

Yu crossed his arms and hummed to himself, probing his mind for ideas. "Do you know any jokes?"

"No." And she regretted it. Obviously, the most natural step was to learn some jokes. Why didn't she think of that before? "Do you know any?" she asked eagerly. She needed to hear some examples first.

He wasn't expecting her to turn the tables on him. "Uh... Not really," he admitted weakly. The thought of making people laugh was hard to fathom. He was a rather grim character before arriving here. He only lightened up because of Yosuke, Chie, and the others. Besides, there was more to comedy than telling jokes. "You can tell funny stories too."

The suggestion wasn't any better. It required funny stories, which she wasn't brimming with, and even if she was, she didn't have faith in her storytelling abilities. "I don't know any."

"Remember our camping trip?"

She cringed. "Ugh. Please don't bring up bad memories."

It was horrible at the time, but he recalled that day with fondness. Bad memories tend to get funnier over time. He could understand her reluctance to use that story though. "Okay, so you can't do jokes and you can't do stories, what else is there?"

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She should just give up. "Why is this so hard?" she muttered.

Yu was thinking the same thing. People shouldn't go out of their way to be funny, it should occur naturally. It required a quick and witty mind. When he thought about it, Naoto would probably make a brilliant comedian. Her intelligence was well-suited to snarky quips. "You should act clumsy and trip over yourself a few times. That should be good for a laugh."

"I can't do that!" she protested strongly.

And that was why he wasn't a comedian. "I wasn't serious," he sighed. He violated the first rule of a good joke: they should never have to be explained.

"Oh," she let out, frowning. "Sorry. I thought…"

They both went silent. What a miserable conversation. They had gone nowhere and instead reminded themselves of how terrible they were at making others laugh. He might've been overthinking this. How about going back to the basics? "Yukiko, look at me."

"Huh?" The odd request set her heart a flutter. She deliberately turned her head slowly, wondering what could possibly be in store for her. To her surprise, Yu had the dumbest-looking grin on his face. His cheeks were abnormally high, his eyes squished into slits, and his mouth was wide open with his tongue hanging out. "Hrnk—" She tried to clamp her mouth shut but the laughter burst through anyways. "BWAHAHAHA! What kind of face is that?" she squeezed out between gasps. To see the calm Yu with such a ridiculous smile was too amazing. He looked like a bad drawing by a five-year old come to life. It was over; she was a lost cause now.

He didn't know whether to feel embarrassed for himself or for Yukiko. What he did wasn't very clever, but she always seemed to have a soft spot for the dumb stuff—like Teddie. Her laughter was infectious though, and it was hard not to get caught up in her pace. He found himself joining her.

That was it! He figured out how she could make others laugh. "You don't have to be funny," he realized.

She calmed down when she heard those words. "What do you mean?"

"It's hard to be funny. It's not impossible, but it's not something people can just do. You're better off not trying." As leader, he never failed to provide such poignant and discouraging remarks. Way to comfort her, leader. "If you want to entertain your guests, you should just be yourself."

"Be myself?" she echoed. She wasn't sure how that advice would apply. The problem was that her normal self wasn't funny to begin with.

Yu nodded. "It's simple. Don't try to make the customer laugh, but let the customer make you laugh."

"Let the customer make me laugh..." She never thought of it that way. She always focused on being polite, but… "I don't get it…"

"Everybody likes to think that they're funny. When you laugh at their jokes, they feel good about themselves. Everybody wants to be a comedian," he explained. When Yukiko laughed at his dumb joke, it made him feel pretty awesome.

If that was the case, "Then did I make you feel good?" she asked. She went into fits of laughter a lot, but she never considered that it could make somebody feel "good." Suddenly, she realized how her question sounded. "W-Wait, I mean—"

"Of course. You made me feel great," he complimented, grinning.

Hearing that gave her a lot of confidence. She felt elated. Those words, coming from Yu, meant a lot to her. "I think—I understand what you mean now. Thank you for the advice."

"It's no problem. Just keep on laughing. It makes the world a better place," he joked.

"If you want me to keep laughing, then you should do more funny things," she shot back, feeling her troubles fly away.

That was more like it. Yukiko was a lot more fun when she was confident. "Way to put me on the spot. Let me think… Oh, I got one. What does Chie ask for when she's thirsty?"

"Uhh…" She had no idea. It was an intriguing setup, considering it involved someone they knew. "I give up."

"Watah!"

"Snrk." It was a dumb joke, very stupid, basic, and lacked any kind of sophistication. But… "BWHAHAHAHAHA!"

It made her laugh.

Good enough.

[nevermoredragon-main]

i have never considered namimatsu before but now i am Intrigued. as a Matsuda Enjoyer i can always be convinced to pair him with handsome men. i wish to hear your thoughts on the appeal of namimatsu, if you're so inclined to share!

Ahhh I'll do my best to explain why I like it, but honestly my thoughts might be all over the place because I like to ramble.

I think at the very heart of it to me is I honestly love shipping rarepairs a lot, and pairings that no one, or very few, have decided to ship before. I discovered @namimatsuceo's fic and blog, and then after a bit of digging discovered a very old untranslated namimatsu doujin that is from like 2005(which I then commed a friend to translate for me. I put it on my tumblr and I'll dig up the links later). Then this previous summer was one where me and a bunch of mutuals in the dn fandom had the time to really have fun thinking about the pairing.

That's the history for me. A very good chance encounter with a pairing I felt inspired to try to think of stuff about. And honestly thinking of interesting new situations and dynamics between characters that haven't really ket before is very fun, and I think you could do a lot with. Like, for instance, did you know that Namikawa dies a week before the one year anniversary of Ukita's death? Finding that out some time ago threw me and started giving me major angst. Then also, in between Higuchi's death and Namikawa's death, there's a period of around 8 months, so it's fun thinking of how namimatsu might get together, and then proceed to fall in love, in that window of time. (and then immediately try to think of ways namikawa could avoid death lmao)

My personal favorite way to think about it is Namikawa falling hard and fast, and trying to be a tsundere but ultimately failing, giving into the inevitable Matsuda obsession all of us have, and Matsuda meanwhile is currently a mix of just depressed and feeling like he's useless and just "I am literally just some guy so why does a rich guy like you care so much?" And I think it definitely also is a mutual admiration between them too. Not to mention I definitely think it would be good and healthy for Matsuda if he had a relationship with someone not in the task force, and not involved in the Kira Case(because after Higuchi I think the rest of the Yotsuba would mostly just focus on trying to restore their company/just move on with their lives after that)

I think my last note about it for now is that I think the reactions of Matsuda and Namikawa's groups to them dating would be really funny.

Like, "wtf Namikawa, you're dating the guy who was spying on us and faked his death and caused Higuchi to die?!"

"That was weeks ago. Things change."

Then of course for Matsuda he's dating a suspect who at one point was definitely involved with the murders, and the entire task force is definitely not gonna be happy to hear that.

Aside from that, definitely check out my friend @infinitelycynical's fics, and namimatsuceo's. They definitely deserve the love if you are interested.

I have a lot more thoughts too. But too many brainworms. I tried to make this sort of short but I definitely failed lol. (If any mutuals have any other thoughts I would definitely like the additions lmao)

[captainaikus]

in between crying abt Tokyo Revengers ending im having the worst case of Izana brainrot ive ever experienced good God this man has such a chokehold on me rn like it’s not even funny ive been listening to this one song on loop for the past hour just sitting on my fluffy blanket looking off into my post-it covered wall distance and imagining a whole book abt our love story the heck

- ✨ anon

im sorry i keep adding like one sentence things to my previous asks i can be very scatterbrained sometimes sorry but like also i think my Izana brainrot rn is me coping with the ending im still in denial and i feel so empty and i don’t think it’s really hit me yet but anyways yeah i honestly didn’t think it would be Izana who helps me cope with the ending i would’ve thought it would be the pet ship trio or one of them you know? not Takemitchy or Mikey because God knows those two individually and together are just i cannot with them (in an affectionately and a pls never let me forget their story and destroy my heart for the 1000th time why don’t you way i love them so much you have no idea) cause i was in a pet shop trio brainrot during the last few chapters until the last one so the switch to Izana was surprising but definitely not unwelcome anyways yeah - ✨ anon

Please don't apologize !! I'm happy to see messages in my inbox no matter how many times you visit! ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ੈ♡‧₊˚

I- I was planning on writing for Izana some months ago. It was an emperor au fic and now I'm starting to think if I should pick up writing for Tr again...

But yeah apparently the latest chapter has everyone shook but at the same time, one of my friends said that it was a good ending and honestly? I think it was. The time mikey and takemitchy broke my heart was when he had turned into bonten's leader and sanzu as well as Haitani brothers were working under him and he had become so broken and depressed and Takemitchy was trying to help him. I was happy when Baji came back cause he was one of my fav characters and the way I was shocked when he died cause of Kazutora... as well as Mitsuya dying as well

the manga was really well made honestly.

I hope you feel better soon starry!

*sending a warm blanket, hugs and plushies*

[kylermalloy]

Filled up the entire challenge card! I feel accomplished! The rules this time were that I had to comment on and link each of the fics I read here. So here they all are!

Old fic: Slow Life by stereobone. First-time Eruri. Luckily, the aot fandom is vast and the fanfic libraries are deep—there are plenty of “old” fics for me to find!

​<1000 hits: A Real Lasting Legacy by dibs_on_erwin. Reincarnation/teashop AU, not as fluffy as it first appears. I actually had the pleasure of beta-ing this fic before its debut on ao3, so seeing its final form was an extra treat!

Fandom classic: The Echo There of Me and You by Shoi. An Eruri ghost story. I’m told it’s a classic, and being relatively new to the fandom I simply have to trust what I’m told. Very enjoyable!

Underdog trope: The Human Touch by Cherry. I am usually not a fan of sci-fi or android AUs. However, this one grabbed me just right—and presented me with enough clues that I have a pretty good idea of where the story’s going to go. It’s been…seven years since it was updated, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

Rare character/pairing: A Third Person Watches Them by Flight. Erwin/Eren with some voyeurism thrown in. It’s funny that a pairing with over 400 works on ao3 is considered a rarepair in this fandom. But I explored, I enjoyed, and now I’m going to devour more of these 400 fics!

Free square: I don’t have to put anything for this one, but it’s fun to! I persuaded a friend to post a snippet of their depraved fic idea, which I then proceeded to scream over.

AO3 archive warning: Purity by Anonymous. Dark Eruri. I’m always down for some noncon! I screamed aloud on several occasions with this one.

New fic: Cartographical Prowess by Tierfal. This one was actually part of the Fandom Trumps Hate auction earlier this year—I got to request some fluffy Elricest, and oh man did I get what I asked for! I had a blast with this one.

<1000 words: Schizophrenia by Indebt. Eruri. A bite-sized look at grief and mental illness.

New (to you) author: Sinful Thoughts by cozyreinsfw. Elricest. I met this author on discord a few days ago, and already they’ve posted multiple works for my otp! I am an instant fan.

>10000 words: Kraków by calacreda. Mafia AU. This one I’ve been chewing on for months. The tags say, “This is the gritty depressing horny evil!eruri fic you've been dreading,” and the tags do not lie. I cannot wait to see where this fic goes next!

Underdog pairing: Offering by orphan_account. I’m not a fan of Ereri. Generally at all. But since I like to push my limits, I’ve tried a few out. And this one? A lovely, dark premise that I can get behind.

Outside your fandom: Hot Weather Groove by Beehive Citizen. I jumped over to read some Cowboy Bebop! Ed is adorable in this fic.

1st person POV: For if I am not yours, what am I? by LuvAtFirstRead. Eruri. I am Not a 1st person enjoyer generally, but this piece had such lovely, evocative imagery—and the EMOTIONS! I love when a fic makes me horny and depressed at the same time.

Underrated fave: on wanting by underfallingflowerpetals. Some of the best Elricest I’ve read! I’ve actually already commented on this work, so I left a second comment saying how much I enjoy rereading this fic. Now, granted, it’s not on any reclists because it’s a relatively new fic, and the Elricest fandom hasn’t made any reclists in…almost a decade now. (I should change that. This fic’s going on it.)

>100000 words: baby I’ll come back to you by elizaham8957. Jonerys—a…Jonas Brothers AU?Another epic that is years in the making! I met this author via another fandom we shared, and at this point I’ll read anything she writes.

I had a blast with this challenge over my holidays. Thanks as always to @thehighfiveproject for the card—it’s fun to step outside my normal fanfic boundaries a bit!

[roosterbruiser]

Millie baby I have to spill some tea

Okay so in high school (like not even that long ago, yuck) I was friends with this guy, Sean (yes I know the spelling of his name should’ve been my first red flag). He was really nice and he and I were into all of the same things and we had really similar senses of humor so we got along really well. However, I have major commitment issues and he has major attachment issues so we were never gonna work anyway (I was also on Wellbutrin, lamotrigine, hydroxizine, setraline, all at the same time so baby I was drugged as fuck) . Anyway, he’s very extroverted and I’m very introverted so I got very burned out talking to him every single day and he didn’t understand that. So the moment I would t text him back for a few hours he lost his shit and would start spamming my phone like crazy. So that went on for a few months, then he asked me to homecoming and I said yes. So the night was fine, I was miserable because I hate the public (also my heels were hurting me and I stepped on a condom while we were dancing to Tennessee Whiskey and I still think about it to this day and wanna burn my foot off) ANYWAY he told me how he felt about me and he came on VERY strong and I immediately shut down because I’m not used to not being treated like shit. He said, and I quote, “I’m not physically capable of liking someone else” and I said BLOCK. Which actually worked out quite well because he’d moved a few towns over a few months prior. I haven’t talked to him since and I got a text and it basically said “you left me, you isolated yourself, you were to depressed but like…come back baby I can fix you.” and I haven’t spoken to him since. And now I cannot walk downtown to my favorite bookshop (which I showed him btw) without being afraid of seeing him.

baby girl.......holy shit!!!

kitten, daddy thinks that this man is a menace to society and should not legally be allowed within seventy feet of you!!

how dare he pretend like he can "fix" you (as IF you are something that needs to be fixed! that is so disgusting!!!!) and also directly contribute to a lot of your struggles!!

lovebombing is so mf real and if I've ever heard it before, this is it!! I am so sorry you had to experience this and have to keep experiencing it when you go to your favorite bookshop!!!

but I think an investment into some pepper spray would be good 😌

also I am evil so I think it would be really funny if you just gaslit him if he ever tried talking to you again.

"you ghosted me and isolated yourself!"

"I've never seen you before in my life, pal!"