#vax made his own choices

[essayofthoughts]

#vox machina's story is that much stronger for vax having permanently died for several reasons#but one of them being that if vax hadn't died there isn't really anything narratively for him to DO.#vex and percy raise a family and lead a city. keyleth leads her people. grog learns to read. scanlan and pike get married and then divorce#and scanlan runs a mercantile enterprise while pike rebuilds a wholeass religion while running a bakery#even tary's leading a non-profit adventuring brigade and getting married#what is vax's 'happy ending'. i will be soft with keyleth and love my sister forever :) like great. anyway#vax was someone who yearned for purpose and he became a celestial champion. that's an actual STORY#critical role#cr meta tags from @burr-ell

But exactly this - if you don't like Vax's choice, that's fine, you're entitled to your feelings, but it was still a choice that player and character made, and which gave both purpose and joy. To tell someone they can't make a choice that brings them those things because you don't like it - I mean that's TERF shit baby! That's "your choices make ME unhappy therefore you shouldn't be allowed to make them". It's shitty!

Yeah, Vax's ending is sad, but Vax's ending also gave the character purpose and is something Liam has said repeatedly he is happy with and at peace with. The Raven Queen didn't force shit - simply enforced the rules of her literal godly nature and was very open with Vax what those rules were.

People make their own choices. To try to deny that because you don't like it, or because you think there's external factors - I mean maybe there is, we live under capitalism for example, but we still make choices. To take that way from people is to deny them agency. To take it away from characters is to make them boring.

i truly am baffled by some of the cr fandom when it comes to the topic of the gods and c1 and death in general because. the raven queen didn’t kill vax. in fact she gave him more time. she Does get the blame from keyleth and some from vex but even those two by the end were more so just holding grudges wrapped up in their own issues that were exacerbated by vax’s choices. but it was always vax’s choice. which, y’know, i’m aware of a portion of the cr fandom’s propensity for dismantling every interesting choice a character makes into something forced upon them, but the role of fate in exandria has never been like bad faith you must adhere to the path chosen for you, it’s much more like what brennan has spoken about wrt specificity: as one makes more choices they become more particular to a given outcome. but that’s not some curse by the gods that dooms characters that’s literally just. what living is.

and of course death is a complicated thing that everyone approaches differently but. god the amount of people who view vax’s dynamic with the raven queen as an injustice or his death as some unforgivable thing the raven queen caused some how? in the words of laura bailey, Were We Watching The Same Orb? it isn’t an injustice that vax, completely willing to pay whatever it cost him to save his sister, was bound to the Deal He Agreed To. his role as the champion was one he found meaning and purpose in. further, it was the raven queen that allowed him to be resurrected later in the campaign. like, it isn’t fair that vax had so little time but it is time he chose and time he was given, but vox machina tends to fall on the reaping the benefits side of unfairness of power in exandria. if what makes the gods — particularly the matron of ravens — irredeemable is that they have the power to make choices that mortals can’t like denying someone’s resurrection, how irredeemable must the group of heroes called vox machina (whose members drop like flies to be revived moments later) be to the everyday person who just has to watch the people they love die and make peace with it?

of course it sucks that vax could not have a happy ending or epilogue like the rest of vm, except of course, vex has a family and is happy and loved, and keyleth is strong and alive and protected, and i think that looks a lot like what vax wanted most.

[kerosene-in-a-blender]

I'm thinking again about how Bells Hells repeatedly insisted they had "no choice" but to release Predathos in the finale, when they very much did have a choice even as they felt it was the best of a series of bad options. They might not have liked the choice, but they did choose to go into the Hallowed Cage instead of doing something else. And the thing is, this refusal of their own agency is something they've done the whole time. One of their most aggravating traits as an adventuring party has been repeatedly asking everyone they come across (gods, world leaders, Predathos itself) what they want as a way to avoid choosing what to do for themselves, to the point that the Raven Queen eventually calls them out on it.

And the fact that the larger political and theological implications of the finale were carried out largely without Bells Hells only further highlights their lack of acknowledged agency. It was in conversations between Vax and Morrighan and Deanna with their respective deities that the implications of the gods becoming mortal where dealt with and the question of whether saving them was worth it was answered (yes they were worth saving, because everyone is). The logistics of what to do with the Ruidians who want to live on Exandria and the establishment of diplomatic relations with the moon were settled by Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein, with Bells Hells taking pretty much no part. Bells Hells lack of involvement in either of these series of conversations makes it feel like these events occurred outside of them despite being spurred entirely by their actions and choices.

But what really makes this stick out to me, is that I've written about characters who actively defer their own agency to external forces before in regards to Moc Weepe and Jonas Spahr of Midst. But where I think both of their arcs work and Bells Hells falls flat is the narrative of Midst acknowledges their deferral of agency and directly grapples with it. Learning to acknowledge that he is making choices and those choice have consequences that he needs to take responsibility for is a key component of Spahr's character arc, which climaxes with him finally making a decisive choice for himself. Weepe in contrast continues to deny his own agency even in the face of the woman he loves begging him to take some accountability (on her deathbed no less!) and this ultimately leads him to his ruin. Whereas with Bells Hells everything worked out just fine in the end despite all their waffling and refusal of responsibility without any consequences that would make them take a good long look at what they did, or bite them for choices they refuse to acknowledge that they made.

[utilitycaster]

An ongoing theme, with regards to the gods (as opposed to Predathos and the Imperium) is that of free will. The gods are stringent in collecting on promises made, and the Betrayers will use initial consent as license to act freely, but it’s notable, in a campaign where nearly all the main player characters are shaped by entities that never once gave them a choice, the gods require an invitation. Except, worryingly, Predathos, a being of nigh-divine powers who does not seem bound by this limitation. And, of course, mortals can do as they will.

When Lolth overtakes Opal, the fact that Opal assumed both the crown, and the title of champion, willingly, is repeatedly mentioned, in DM narration and by Lolth herself. Lolth also mentions to Dorian, (perhaps untruthfully, though the events of EXU indicate this might be genuine), that she wished for him to become her champion instead - but he did not put on the crown, so she can’t have him. Obviously, Lolth takes many liberties with Opal once given entry, but she can only speak to people or act through someone who has permitted her. We see this too with Asmodeus: it is ultimately Zerxus’s choice not to walk away and face his death, but make good on his pact; some degree of initial consent is needed. K’nauth and Judicators are also both explicitly described as voluntary: once permission is given, they are bound, but this is no different than the contracts of warlocks and notably, with the gods, while we’ve seen them make deals under dire straits, we’ve never seen such unwitting participants in their pacts as Fjord with Uk’otoa or Laudna with Delilah among the gods. All entered in control of their faculties, to our knowledge, though not necessarily with the full knowledge of what it entailed.

The Prime Deities are differentiated from the Betrayers in that they continue to provide free will to their champions and their faithful. The Raven Queen accepts Vax’s trade of his life for Vex’s, given without any direct communication from her, but she quickly does begin to communicate clearly; when Vax communes with her in Duskmeadow, she tells him what she wishes, putting him much more at ease. Later, after his death, she gives him an option to either remain dead, or to have a little more time left with Keyleth, Vex, and the others of Vox Machina before he completes his task and returns to her, and he makes a choice. When Morrighan asks for guidance, the Raven Queen’s response is to ask “why are you fighting, and what are you fighting for?” and stresses that she wishes to lay out the exact terms before Morrighan agrees to anything. When Percy asks her what to do she, ironically enough for a goddess of fate, tells him he possesses the capacity to do great things of his own accord. All of Vox Machina’s divine favors come willingly, only after a conversation; the Wildmother first reaches out to Fjord before he decides to accept. And mortals have the capacity to resist even these promises; Opal is only partially successful but she does not give the Spider Queen two deaths and she does not leave alone. Fy’ra Rai finds herself able to go against Lolth’s wishes even when the Wildmother does not wish to intervene; it is her choice not to kill Opal but to go with her.

When mortals express doubt in the gods, it’s typically not their actions. It’s because they don’t think they meddle in the matters of mortals enough. As mentioned, Percy struggles with the open-ended nature of the Raven Queen’s advice. Essek, frequently considered an “anti-god” character is actually quite mild in his doubt and ultimately more frustrated at the clerics of the Kryn Dynasty than the Luxon itself (put a pin in that). Ludinus Da’leth states the gods should have prevented the Calamity, despite us knowing that the Prime Deities avoided intervention and that ultimately, while the Calamity had a number of causes, mortals (Vespin, Laerryn, much of the city of Avalir) were at the root. Ashton and Imogen’s frustrations with the gods have both ultimately been that they asked for assistance and did not receive it.

The extension of the Prime Deities’ belief in the free will of mortals is sufficiently strong that even during the Age of Arcanum, when many mortals rejected them, and when they did not require mortal intermediaries, they still chose to preserve it until the Calamity began. Each major action by the gods as a group is ultimately one to preserve themselves (the sealing of Predathos; the destruction of Aeor; the current campaign’s truce) or to preserve mortals (the Primes during the Schism and in creating the Divine Gate).

Contrast this with Delilah, who seizes control of Laudna and who is never stated to have asked permission for any of her actions. Compare to FCG, designed by Aeorians to lose control and kill. Compare to Chetney, bitten by a werewolf in the wilderness (and the others of the Gorgynei as well) - indeed, what control he has is the legacy of magic granted by the Raven Queen and by a nature spirit tied to the Wildmother. Contrast this now with Predathos, whose Ruidusborn had no say in this connection and indeed, many are motivated in service to Predathos with the goal of freeing themselves. Enforcers within the Kreveris Imperium refer to themselves as The Will, and Elder Barthie refers to those who oppose them as being made “pliable”. Chetney’s loss of control under Ruidus is deliberately triggered by the Weave Mind, with whom he made no deal.

If we (in my opinion, rightfully) reject any argument that denies the right of sentient entities to self-preservation, we are left with the following accusations of the gods: failing to stop wrongdoing by mortals (both in their name and unrelated); and acting in accordance with pre-existing agreements. The latter we can also reject; it is not perhaps kind of the gods to hold people to their contracts, but this is not unique to them and as discussed extensively above, they do require that, at least initially, the promise be made willingly.

The former, unfortunately, will not be stopped by destroying the gods. Ultimately, such people as Tuldus, Bor’Dor, and the people of Hearthdell were oppressed by their fellow mortals. In-world, we have seen zealotry in the name not just of the Prime Deities but that of countless lesser ones, notably Uk’otoa; if only the Prime and Betrayer gods are at stake, this simply creates a power vacuum to be filled by other entities vastly more powerful than mortals. On the other hand, should all power-granting entities be devoured, setting aside the upheaval this will cause in society, this leaves no shortage of room for oppression on the basis of race or political affiliation, both of which we’ve seen. The Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting’s original incarnation, prior to the further development of Wildemount for Campaign 2, even stated the Dwendalian Empire forbade all religion and was still an authoritarian one. Colonization is the end goal of the Weave Mind and indeed the motivation for killing the gods per Edmuda. It also is not unheard of on Exandria for reasons not attributed to religion, notably the settling of the Menagerie Coast by Marquesians, and Tal’Dorei (formerly Gwessar) by human settlers from Issylra. And, of course, as we know in our real world, you do not need provable deities for religion to develop nor for colonization and oppression. Mortals do these things in reality and Exandria, whether or not the gods exist, and destroying the gods in Exandria achieves no prevention, only carnage.

Returning, finally, to Essek: when we look at the major characters who are PCs or are aligned with them who have expressed frustration with the gods, the only one who has much of a case for being influenced by the actions of a deity is Percy, who is staunchly on the side against Predathos. One could split hairs and note that Vecna was not a deity at the time of the murder of Percy’s family, his own torture, and the destruction and occupation of Whitestone, but rather merely a power-hungry wizard extending his lifespan via unscrupulous means, but Percy’s own choices render this moot. Meanwhile, the gods simply did not alleviate Imogen and Ashton’s experiences, both of which were in part due to powers caused by entities the gods, in fact, failed to sufficiently destroy (Predathos and Ka’Mort specifically) and mostly perpetuated by mortals reacting to Imogen’s abilities or Ashton finding themself orphaned on the outskirts of a notoriously rough city and later, caught as the fall guy in a failed heist by a morally questionable wealthy collector.

It is my belief that Keyleth’s anger is, on some level, extended towards someone who can’t respond nor change and who she feels she cannot be angry at, and that is Vax. Vax made the deal and the Raven Queen collected; Vax decided to take the Raven Queen’s second offer. He was forced into neither, and as discussed later, he likely would have responded poorly to a True Resurrection attempt given his faith. Vax is dead because of Vecna, but neutralizing Vecna didn’t fix it. I think Dorian’s anger at Lolth meanwhile is valid, but it’s also something I’d imagine he feels he cannot direct towards Opal, even though her actions are a part of it. And I’m sure both Keyleth and Dorian blame themselves, to an extent, whether or not that is rightful. The gods make just as convenient a scapegoat for those hurt by mortals as they do an excuse for cruelty.  But I don’t think killing them will bring back Vax, and certainly not Cyrus. Much as Derrig and Will and four other Ashari lie permanently dead at the hands of Otohan Thull despite her demise, and Orym’s trauma remains, killing the gods will not undo what happened to Imogen or Ashton. And since their main crime is considered to be inaction, killing them does not end suffering (and, indeed, should we dig into the infrastructures of Exandrian society and cosmology, may very well drastically increase it). It merely confirms that no one will receive their favor rather than only some; a bringing everyone down to your misery rather than striving to elevate all. An apt, if slightly tongue-in-cheek comparison to the real world is the fact that the cause of student loan forgiveness has been hamstrung and neutered by people furious that, since they didn’t receive help, no one else should - it is a self-centered and retaliatory mentality to lash out so far in jealousy that one would willingly destroy the life of another with the goal of increasing universal suffering.

Sources:

Timestamps available upon request but here are the episodes I’m drawing from. Printed works include pages.

Lolth, Opal, and Dorian: see 3x92-93; see also EXU Prime episode 8, EXU Kymal episode 2 for Opal willingly accepting and EXU Prime episodes 5 and 7 for the Spider Queen trying to get Dorian to put on the circlet.

K’nauth: EXU Calamity episode 2

Asmodeus and Zerxus: EXU Calamity episode 4

Judicators: 3x43

The Raven Queen and Vax: notably 1x44 (initial deal), 1x57 (Duskmeadow communion), 1x103 (her offering him the choice to pass or to become a revenant). Percy is also in 1x57.

The Raven Queen and Morrighan: 3x93.

Vox Machina’s divine favors: 1x104-1x106

Fjord and the Wildmother: 2x65; powers granted in 2x76.

Fy’ra and the Wildmother: 3x93

Essek’s feelings: see the final portion of this excellent post from essektheyless

Ludinus on the gods: 3x45

For causes of the Calamity, see EXU Calamity in its entirety, but Vespin specifically is episode 4, many of Avalir’s actions (including ignoring the hall of prophecy) are episode 2, and Laerryn denying the Arboreal Calix needed energy and casting Blight are in episode 3).

Ashton on the gods: 3x65

Imogen on the gods: 3x79

See page 12 of The Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount regarding the Prime Deities’ choice not to enforce their will during the Age of Arcanum.

Sealing of Predathos: 3x43; destruction of Aeor: EGTW 121; Truce mentioned in 3x67 and has appeared in 3x89 (Vezoden) and 3x92-93 (The Wildmother and Lolth).

Schism: EGTW 12; Divine Gate EGTW 13-14.

Delilah seizing control: 3x23

FCG’s design: 3x32 and 3x45

Chetney and Gorgynei (history and control): 3x40-41

Weave Mind control of Chetney: 3x91

Goals of Ruidusborn: multiple but see 3x48 and 3x89, 3x92 for a strong example with Liliana.

Imperium practices: 3x84

Tuldus: 3x44. Bor’Dor: 3x63. Hearthdell: 3x60-61.

Actions of Uk’otoa: much of Campaign 2 but notably 2x98 and The Mighty Nein Reunited.

Original description of the Dwendalian Empire: Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting (not Reborn) page 99

Goals of the Weave Mind: 3x85

Colonization of the Menagerie Coast: EGTW 17 (largely a peaceful one); Colonization of Tal’Dorei: Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn page 18 (explicitly stated to be against the wishes of the elves; led in part to the rule of Drassig and Scattered War).

Percy and Vecna: Vecna ascends in 1x106; the events of the Whitestone Occupation begin prior to campaign 1. Percy is in multiple war councils against the Vanguard and notably appears in the plans for a distraction to allow Bells Hells to take the Bloody Bridge in 3x81.

Imogen and Predathos: the revelation that Predathos may be within exaltants comes in 3x92; 3x83 and 3x87 both have involuntary experiences due to Predathos and see Liliana’s arguments in 3x48 as well as Imogen’s discussion of Gelvaan.

Ashton and Ka’Mort: emotional fallout most notably in 3x78; Evontra’vir’s description of what happened with the shard in 3x74. Memories of the Hexum Manor heist can be seen in 3x35.

[quinn-of-aebradore]

Something I think about a lot in regards to Vax’s deal with the Raven Queen is that Vox Machina could have brought him back from being Disintegrated. They talked about it at length before they went to sleep that night; Scanlan could’ve used Wish to turn a large enough creature (they joked about using Trinket) into enough diamonds for Pike to cast True Resurrection and bring Vax back even though his body had been destroyed. They just couldn’t do it right away. Bringing him back was well within their powers, they just needed time.

But then the Raven Queen swept in and made her offer to Vax; die now or die later to serve as my Champion in exchange for me bringing you back right away.

This isn’t to discount the fact that Vax made his choice when it came to serving the Raven Queen; I wholeheartedly agree that that was his own choice, not a debt like Keyleth believes it to be. But I do wonder, sometimes, if his answer would’ve been different if he knew what his family was planning. And I wonder too if remembering that plan that would’ve worked given time fuels Vex and Keyleth’s bitterness towards the Raven Queen, on top of everything else.



[burr-ell]

On the subject of Vex's flaws, I think it's interesting to compare and contrast the conversations she has first with Vax and then with Percy in 1x63. Right before the episode break, Vax goes to Vex to talk to her about the title Percy gave her and tells her that while he appreciates that it made her happy, to him it's like "gilding a lily" and that she's "already perfect" to him. She insists her strength is an act and he immediately replies "bullshit".

Immediately after the break, Vex seeks out Percy, and thanks him for the title and tells him how much it meant to her that he took up for her that way. Percy says a title is "mostly there to remind you you don't really need it" and "it doesn't change anything", and they have a brief discussion about the logistics of what her title means. He teases her that "I imagine you're eventually going to become very insufferable" but then adds that "you have to be".

Now on its face it seems like Percy's saying the same thing Vax is! But there are a couple of crucial differences. For one thing, the comments Percy makes about her becoming "insufferable" (and then that actually she should be) are clearly playful, but it's also an acknowledgment that she can be exasperating. Lighthearted it may be, but it tells Vex that Percy's not afraid of her flaws or put off by the ways she could potentially be annoying. For another, he openly admits that she doesn't actually have any land—the land isn't his to give; it's Cassandra's, as the actual ruler of the city. Percy's promising her what he CAN give her, with an honest explanation of what that is. Like with the come-from-money conversation, he's being both kind and objective. It's at this point where he says a title "doesn't change anything", and I think that allows Vex to see his gesture for the totality of what it is and make her own choice about what she does with it. It's like the arrows; he's giving her the tools to forge her own path, trusting her judgment.

Now I'm not at all hating on Vax here, but I do think Vex's conversation with him revealed some flaws in their relationship. Vax only emphasizes how Vex is cool and strong, and when Vex directly states that it's an act, Vax dismisses this and says he needs her to keep being strong. And he clearly means well! But it's a fascinating choice from Laura to go from that conversation and then talk to Percy the first chance she gets, and one of the things that says is that Vex does not trust Vax's judgment of her in that moment. He's her brother, and he just explicitly said she's perfect! Vex has, by this point, started to see her own flaws clearly enough that just telling her how amazing she is doesn't address the issue, and she's less inclined to trust the opinion of someone who does it. She wants to know that someone can see her flaws, assess her honestly, and still love her.

And the conversation with Percy shows Vex someone who looks at her and sees through her, who has seen and done terrible things and is clever and pragmatic and ruthless, someone who does his best to evaluate a situation as objectively as possible and someone who's striving every day to become better. And that person trusts her, wants to see her succeed, and gives her everything he can to make that happen.

[cowinatrenchcoat]

Sometimes I wonder at VM being so mad at the Raven Queen. She arguably did them a massive kindness. She accepted Vax's deal the first time to spare his sister, not by killing him, but by making him her champion. Then she accepted his next deal and returned him as a revenent without even clearly understanding why she should (she didn't really know about Vecna but Liam assumed she did so it was big missed high five of a conversation (I think this was when he turned revanent but not sure)).

That's not to say she did it just to be generous. Absolutely not. Her and Vax made deals. She upheld her end, and he has no issue upholding his end because he knows both him and Vex would be dead by now otherwise.

So I was always a bit baffled at VM's hatred of the Raven Queen.

But then I remembered, arguably, their most formative moment as a group was the Whitestone arc. Where they saved Percy from a bird-themed, masked entity that he'd made a deal with. They broke his deal, went against his own will at times, kept him, and it was all good and right.

Then they killed a would-be god. A god with powerful undead followers. A god who moved in shadows and secrets. A god who had tried to kill them and take them from each other. And that was all good and right too.

But now there's a god that reminds them of both Orthax and Vecna. A god who made Vax into an undead follower. A god who won't just let him come back without a contract, a debt. They're powerful, they could fight her. They've been put up against necromancers, dragons, an almost god...surely they could manage the next step up. Together. Like always.

But then Vax...says not to? Says it's ok? Accepts it? Vox Machina are the death denial champions. They haven't accepted death yet for any of them. Why would Vax, why would *now* be different? Surely it's like Percy and they should save him even against his will, right? Surely, even now, he's in this liminal space and could still come back if they just try hard enough.

Sometimes I wonder how different their tone would be on letting him go if any of the others had permanently died. If Vex had failed her persuasion check and Talisen ultimately let Percy die. If they'd rolled just a bit lower on any resurrection and had to actually accept death before.

But with how things went, it's really no wonder they can't move past the denial stage. They were primed to think this was something they could overcome one way or another.

Not to mention the above table aspect. Whether you like this DM choice or not, Matt has made a habit of dangling Vax in front of them. He's thrown down story elements that keep Vax attached to the world; "every day that raven comes to visit," "don't you even dare," it being canon that Vax has stepped in more than once to save Keyleth. He's made it so Liam doesn't even know what he can/should do with Vax.

Campaign 1 gave a beautiful goodbye to Vax. Scanlan's wish bent reality to let Vax "say a few words at his sister's wedding." But...now...is it implied Vax could have come back whenever? Is he in this in-between until Vex dies? Does he even know the parameters here?

So yeah. It's no wonder they're angry. It's no wonder they can't let go. They never had to learn how to let go of each other and he keeps coming back when the plot his god demands.

[rhowena]

I don't think Vax would "have severe trauma" from the Raven Queen any more than Vex would "have severe trauma" from the work she does for the Council of Tal'dorei and the Chamber of Whitestone, but I do think that, like it or not, Vax's role as champion has become an integral part of who he is as a person, and for all that the Raven Queen's hatedom likes to throw the word 'possessive' around, it strikes me as far, far more possessive and controlling to want to forcibly rip that part of Vax away -- denying his agency, overriding his choices, and completely ignoring his actual expressed feelings and opinions about his service to the Matron in the process -- because you think he should only be allowed to have the specific happy ending that you want for him.

Vaxleth isn’t going to have a “happy ending”

Vax is going to still be 28 after 30 years

Keyleth is old as fuck and she’s still going to out live him

Vax is going to have severe trauma from the raven queen

etc etc etc

do y’all even think of the bigger picture or just want NPCS and one old ass NPC to be together when the VA aren’t even going to play them anyway😭 all played by matthew mercer btw

didn’t the cast say Keyleth needs to move on? maybe yall should be supporting her healing journey and not giving her more trauma when she out lives Vax anyway

[mareastrorum]

During my first watch, I truly disliked Keyleth once she reacted so harshly to Kima... until this moment in Episode 9:

Vax: [after doing an Insight check once Clarota and Keyleth expressed distrust of Kima's mental state] Hold on a second, that's unfair. Keyleth: Why? Vax: It has been a long road. Keyleth, I know you have had a hard time. We all have. I know we're miles below the surface of the world. But we're together. We are family. And everyone here is here for you as you have been for us. Now, I say we camp for the night inside this schmuck's tent. We stay here, we rest up, sleep on it, and see how we're all feeling in the morning. We're here for you, Keyleth, and we'll protect you as you have protected us. You've got a family with us. Keyleth: (crying) How do we know we are doing the right thing? We've killed a lot of people, you guys. We've killed a lot of people. Vax: Who in this world is without fault? Who hasn't made mistakes? We certainly all have. Vex: Keyleth, we're keeping him, K'Varn, from killing even more. Keyleth: How do we know we're not just interfering with issues that aren't our own? We didn't know any of this until we came down here, and look she wants to take the horn. She wants the horn, and she wants to take it back herself. Vax: The bottom line is, all of this insanity is going to bubble up to the surface if someone doesn't stop it. Vex: All those creatures that have been coming up, Keyleth? Vax: Remember, think back. It has already begun, and no one is here to stop it except for Vox Machina. Us. Percy: We promise, we will heed your warning, but we can't run. We will heed it, though. Vax: We've got your back. Clarota: We made a deal. Percy: And we made a deal. Vex: We did make a deal. Keyleth: I understand you, Clarota, and I'm on your side. I swear. But a lot of people-- there have been a lot of murderers who said they did the things that they did because their gods told them to do it. Right? Percy: We'll be cautious, and we'll have you to protect us. [...] Keyleth: I just have a bad feeling. [...] Vax: [...] That may be so, but the evil that is brewing beneath the surface of the world will stretch up to everything we know. And I know that you have made mistakes. I have certainly made mistakes. That is to live. There is more at stake right now, and we are the front line. We're the only ones who can stop it. Mistakes are all right. Percy: The god in darkness will blot out the light. Keyleth: I just hope we're not the darkness.

Keyleth then took the time to apologize to Kima for being overly harsh, and they reconciled.

Later, the audience learns that Keyleth's people were targeted by religious zealots, which left her with a powerful distrust of religion in general and of anyone claiming to fight for some intangible ideal. Thus, when Clarota (a mindflayer) told Vox Machina that he had been exiled from his people and that a dark god, K'varn, had taken over their civilization for his own purposes, Keyleth felt a strong pull to help Clarota rather than Kima, a paladin of Bahamut. From Keyleth's perspective, a religious force had subjugated an independent civilization, and even if they were aberrant by surface standards, they had otherwise kept to the Underdark. Clarota claimed that he wanted to free his people and that they had no interest in going to the surface; it was all K'varn's doing. Thus, Keyleth felt the best choice was to interfere as little as possible, which conflicted with Kima's insistence on destroying K'varn, as well as any mindflayers in the way, and taking the horn of Orcus back to her order. While Keyleth conceded that they needed to stop K'Varn, she insisted that Kima not be trusted with the horn, though the rest of the team stopped short of making a decision on that.

It started to seem reasonable... well, if you can trust a mindflayer not to change his mind. 😬

[mayapapaya33]

Caduceus is going to be doing so much of the Pro Gods heavy lifting in the animated CR universe it is unreal. He does a lot in the Campaign anyway, but with the way the story is trimmed down and distilled, most of the small npc interactions that add breadth and depth are not going to exist. It's really all on him and Pike, and Pike is busy right now having a crisis lol. They are going to be able to get so much exposition and philosophy into the story through him it is wild. He is radically different from every other character ever played at the table and I hope they preserve just how weird and lovely he is. I'm really looking forward to seeing him in all of his animated glory.

Especially considering how much of Pike's relationship with the Everlight has been cut/ changed/ shuffled around. All the temple building/ restoration she did hasn't happened in the animated universe yet. They haven't really explained the Everlight's diminished following, though they have a good set up for doing that with the Zerxus/ Asmodeus bit they've got going, so I think they might be getting more into that in season 4 hopefully. (Hopefully we see Pop Pop Wilhand again and we get some revised family lore about why the Trickfoots started worshipping The Everlight! I love what happened in the campaign but it's pretty obvious we don't have time for any of that and they made a new thing up. I hope we still get to see JB).

I think it's cool that Pike is getting a crisis of faith arc because Ashley wasn't able to be at the table often enough to have that kind of character arc for Pike, and I'm sure her relationship with the Everlight will come out even stronger in the end (they wouldn't make THAT gigantic a character change, that would be stupid lol. C3 Pike is still running around out there as a faithful cleric of the Everlight, so unless they're RADICALLY shifting into an alternate universe that storyline will be resolved at some point), but for the Mighty Nein animated series, it will be interesting to see how they approach Caduceus and his philosophy and his steadier faith. Because he is the stable anchor at the heart of the group so very often.

His doubts tended to be small and quiet moments mostly focused inward rather than outward from what I remember. Like when he was worried about his family, he was more doubtful of his own strength and clarity of purpose rather than of anything to do with the Wildmother. When the Ship stealing piracy shenanigans happened and Caduceus had his no good very bad first experience with the ocean, he was worried that he had misinterpreted the Wildmother's will and made the wrong choice going with the M9, his faith in the Wildmother herself was still strong.

They'll obviously get to the Everlight stuff at some point in tlovm considering they are literally going to go to her house and meet her face to face, along with the Knowing Mistress and The Dawnfather. But it's still a completely different vibe in C1 and C2 in the party between: "People who don't worship the gods but think some of them are great + Pike" vs gaining the firsthand philosophy in action from one of their followers in Caduceus and everyone slowly learning life lessons from him, including one conversion in the form of Fjord. (And Yasha's stuff with the Stormlord, and I guess Jester counts too lol). Pike's awesome, but just purely in the animated show, right now she's not the best ambassador for the Everlight or the tenents of that faith lol. Although to be fair to Pike, in the campaign, Vax did almost become a follower of the Everlight before his faith was rather abruptly claimed elsewhere. Also Scanlan converted for the (first) wedding apparently.

[edelgarfield]

i finally finished the CR3 finale and I just 😭😭😭

it was really good. I loved it & I'm vehemently avoiding any other opinions bc I refuse to let the fandom ruin this for me.

but I already know people are going to complain abt the Vax/Keyleth resolution. and the only thing I can think about is how upset I've been for years, that of all the CR PCs, Keyleth alone was the only one that never had any control over the things that happened to her, how her own narrative was completely overshadowed by Vax, how cruel the fandom was to Marisha, & how this is clearly something that has upset Marisha for YEARS.

and Liam has said multiple times that he was in a bad place during much of CR1, he was grieving, and idk. he's a different person than he was when he played Vax. and I may be making assumptions, but I get the sense that he & Matt both have regrets about some of the choices they made in CR1.

like i think it would cause some sort of feelings to see your very close friend grieve your fictional OC for YEARS. and maybe after playing Caleb & seeing him heal and find closure he regretted that Vax never got the same, and he regretted the effect it had on not just Vax's friends in game, but his IRL friends.

CR3 is about looking back at our past mistakes and choosing to walk a different path. And I feel like the entire cast has grown as storytellers & people, they've matured & lived through ten years of grief, love, joy, & sorrow. I wonder if looking back, they realized that they no longer agreed with the choices they made in CR1 or its themes, and they realized they hadn't just hurt Keyleth the character, but also Marisha the player.

imo CR1 was unfair to both Marisha & Keyleth in so many ways, from the fandom, to her own story, to the decisions the other players made that hurt her. like. Marisha has grown so much as an actor & a creator, but I don't think any of us can imagine what it was like to be in her position during CR1. no one expected CR to blow up like it did, the cast & G&S were in no way prepared to handle the fandom. Like Marisha was relatively unknown before CR, unlike Laura & Ashley who were both critically acclaimed actors (which is part of the reason the fandom hated her). I doubt she'd dealt with internet backlash before and suddenly overnight she had the entire internet watching her. She didn't sign onto CR expecting the attention she received & unlike everyone else, her first introduction to fans was absolutely brutal. like to go from a quiet home game with your friends, to having your OC absolutely eviscerated and torn apart must've been awful.

People criticized her acting, said Keyleth was a self-insert, claimed that any good thing Keyleth achieved or any gifts she received was bc she was dating the DM, Keyleth was boring/whiny/uninteresting, she was getting in the way of Vaxilmore, etc etc. It's not like having your role in a game or movie criticized. Keyleth is HER character; every critique of Keyleth's design or story or decisions in-game is a criticism of Marisha as a creator. I don't think any of us can imagine how awful that was, to watch all of your friends receive praise and have fun with fans, but have to swallow constant vitriol and misogyny in order to join them, to be completely unprotected by any sort of manager. the other women received plenty of hate too, don't get me wrong, but she was by far the most hated and the only one without any pre-existing fanbase. to have that be your first exposure to fandom?

to go through all of that & then have it end the way it did? with Vax choosing to leave her without putting up a fight while everyone else gets their happy ending? to be the one left grieving while Vax gets to be at peace? to be the only one alone in every CR one-shot afterwards? to have to relive that experience again recording TLOVM?

this is something I keep coming back to when it comes to CR, how in some ways I feel like the fandom feels like we're entitled to ownership of these characters, and entitled to the cast's suffering for the sake of artistic integrity. and to be clear, there's some merit to that, given that CR is a multimillion dollar media franchise. but I also think that Keyleth & CR1 are always going to be special in that regard because they were never made for an audience. When the cast signed up for CR2 and CR3, they knew what they were getting into, they made characters knowing they were going to be shared with the world & held to a higher standard. but Keyleth was Marisha's first, and when the cast agreed to start filming CR, they had no idea that they were relinquishing some of their creative freedom in order to align with the audience's expectations. I'm sure they would never go back on that choice, given everything that came afterwards, but I'm sure if they could go back, they would approach it differently.

anyway. my point is just that CR1 is by no means perfect & infallible. I don't think Matt would write the story he did for CR3 and make the choices he made if he didn't regret some of his decisions from CR1. I don't think Liam would have agreed to bring Vax back if he didn't also feel dissatisfied in retrospect. and the choices the cast made back in CR1, both in & out of game, caused Marisha a lot of pain nearly a decade later. and as the DM and her friends, I think they did the right thing by giving her a chance to correct the mistakes they made in CR1. I don't think it's right to suggest Marisha should just be sad forever for the sake of preserving CR1’s narrative. I don't think it's right to say that it's been too long to make up for or correct the mistakes of the past.

I'd have to make a whole other post about this, but the fandom seems to expect the cast to care about & be invested in their characters, but they're not allowed to prioritize their enjoyment and what they want out of the game. again there's definitely some merit to this, but. I have too much empathy. I don't want the cast to suffer for my enjoyment. Marisha & Keyleth have more than earned this.

[mindovermuses]

I find myself at odds with certain aspects of last night's episode of Critical Role (C3:E105). It's probably just my autistic brain getting stuck on things we've been told/have seen in the past standing in pretty much direct opposition to how they're being viewed/handled now, but I think I need to just put it out on the page to figure out exactly what it is that bothers me. Right now it's just vague, half-thoughts eating at the back of my mind.

I'll let my mind wander and ramble after the cut, but the essence of it is that I have a hard time believing that the leaders of the Raven Queen's temple would be so openly defend Laudna the way that they did.

Long, rambling train of thought brain dump ahead...

I have no problem with the character, it's been awesome seeing Marisha delve into this macabre identity. And it's obviously just a game and made sense in the moment to have someone with authority on death speak in defense of her in the meeting, but I question that temple specifically.

Each deity is given only three tenets- three sacred commandments to put upon their followers above all else that are supposed to be considered mandatory as part of their faith.

The Matron of Ravens Commandments are:

1) Death is the natural end of life. Grieve the fallen, but do not pity them. Exult in the time that they were granted. 2) The path of Fate is sacrosanct. Those who pridefully cast off destiny must be punished. 3) Undeath is an atrocity. Death is too good a punishment for those who pervert the rightful transition of the soul. - from the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn

The entire reason why Laudna is still "alive" is because of Delilah's necromancy. If that magic were to be cut off, she would die as it isn't the power of her soul and life force keeping her there.

Delilah's dark magic was granted as a boon in exchange for a pact with Vecna- one of the Matron's sworn enemies. For the power to return her love to her. Delilah is a large part of why Vecna was able to uncover the Matron's rituals to ascend to godhood in order to eternally defy death. He, and Delilah along with him, are an affront to the natural balance of life and death that the world hinges on.

Delilah's spirit still lives upon Exandria and hasn't found it's way to the Matron's halls... because of Laudna choosing to trap her in what we know isn't guaranteed to hold her forever. Any follower could capture Laudna and carve it out to restore her at any time, releasing the threat of everything the Matron despises upon the world. And, at that point, Delilah would no longer need Laudna.

She allowed Vax to return as a revenant only long enough to see that Orcus and Vecna were destroyed and only because he was her champion, working directly on her behalf before willingly leaving everything he loved behind to take up his new role.

Laudna is neither her champion nor even a casual follower, let alone a devoted one, AND she holds within her the spirit of a necromancer who has already proven she is willing to tear the fabric of reality apart to get what she desires.

I could see the Matron turning a blind eye in this moment, given the dire circumstances, but begrudgingly so. When all is said and done, I could see the Matron summoning Laudna into the blood pool and presenting her with a choice:

-Let Delilah's spirit go and cross over into death eternally, willingly, and hope that her friends can succeed at a high DC True Resurrection spell, returning her to the untrained sorceress she was before Delilah took her fate into her own hands...

-or-

-Accept that the Matron's champion will have no choice but to force the soul anchor holding Delilah from her, leaving her to be met with Delilah's fate of death with no hope of resurrection.

Because Delilah's spirit cannot be allowed to return to Exandria and neither Laudna nor Delilah will be leaving that space between worlds where they are currently. She must choose, and choose now...

...and that's when Matt ends the episode, leaving a heart-breaking cliffhanger that no one else in the party is even aware is happening. Laudna's spirit on a plane unreachable by any outside magics.

Just like the Matron could not promise longer lives for the Everlight's children moments after finally being accepted by her as family and, as she could not make exceptions for the love Vax and Keyleth shared when it was his time, she cannot make an exception for Laudna- not with this.

No matter how unfair it was that her life was taken so young for such evil purposes, she's hardly the first and certainly won't be the last to suffer such a fate. No matter that she (hopefully) saved the world- because didn't Vax do the same with no special treatment given to him when the job was done?

The one minuscule loophole that she is able to offer is the hope that someone might think to try and then succeed at a difficult True Resurrection spell, having to pull her soul through the muck and sludge of Delilah's evil- giving her another chance to start over and live the life thread that was stolen from her. Her very own Kingsley type resurrection, minus any memories. Laudna, as everyone knows her, will die with Delilah, but Matilda will get a second chance.

So, what will it be.

Willingly separate Matilda's golden thread from where Laudna and Delilah's threads begin-blackened by a necromantic disease spreading to, and infecting, nearby threads. Is she willing to let go of everything she's gained and experienced after Delilah brought her back as it is impossible to separate the threads binding them? or...

Willingly decide that she's ready to pass eternally through the veil as well, her memories as Laudna in tact if any of her friends or loved ones might find themselves in the same eternal resting place when their times come?

But that's just me. I'll obviously enjoy whatever Matt and the cast give us, this is their story and Matt's world. I just needed to get this all out of my head to process it.

[authormars]

Guess what

Now you don't get a choice because you're all mean to me

Descriptions beneath the cut!

Orthax Percy pt1: I don't have plot figured out as much for this one. The basics of it is that post Orthax fight, Orthax lives in Percy's body as a part of a new contract they draw up. He's kind of a nuisance. Also dealing with VM not really trusting Percy. See my post here that inspired the au

Orthax Percy pt2: Orthax lives in Percy's body. Vax and Vex had their fight, except the difference is they didn't make up. Vax leaves and tries to survive on his own. He fails. He finds Percy in his jail cell and Percy shows him kindness and decency (which is far from the norm), so he lets him out. They travel together. Vax gets way too attached to Percy like he is to Vex normally. Percy is NOT a good person, especially with Orthax. More things happen but that's the basics

Orthax Percy pt3: Percy is actually aware of Orthax. Actively makes the deal to let him live in his body. Percy has no sense of morality and he never meets VM besides Vax. He runs an underground business for the black market. Very scary. Vax knows him from the Clasp and uses him as an informant. The thing I made about it is here. Born from my love of the homoeroticism of blowing smoke into someone's mouth while you kiss them ;p

Clasp Percy: Pretty straight forward. Vax and Percy meet in the Clasp. Vax needs Percy for a job VM is doing. Vex can't stand this new guy who calls Vax nicknames and Vax works with really well with

Modern Streamer AU: This is actually @yurahowl-alcosamurai's AU! I just thought it sounded interesting. Vax is a streamer, Percy is his MOD

Coffee Shop AU: Modern. Gilmore runs a coffee shop. Vax is a worker there while Vex goes to college nearby. Kiki runs a book and plant store next to it. Percy randomly comes on one day and Vax immediately has a crush on him.

[utilitycaster]

I’m curious why you think the last 10 minutes were especially bad. Maybe I’m misunderstanding but I thought Vax wasn’t released from his duty, he can just do it on Exandria, now, so he doesn’t have to serve his god by abandoning his family.

I find the framing of "Vax abandoned his family" to be fundamentally a gross misunderstanding of the narrative at best and utterly moronic at worst and always have since first finishing Campaign 1 in mid-2018.

If I had to sum up maybe the biggest problem in a LOT of Tumblr discourse, fandom and political, it is not understanding this: people make choices. Sometimes those choices have consequences that affect others; sometimes those choices affect others in a negative way. Sometimes that is the intent of that choice; sometimes it is simply a side-effect. Your feelings about being affected are always valid, and you can make your own choices based in those feelings, but your assumptions re: intent may not be. I find that Campaign 3, and its fans, and by extension the above conception of Vax, invariably extended nothing but bad faith at anything that made their blorbos feel a little bad for even a second and took it as personal attack rather than side effect, and I do not respect the opinions nor analysis of a single one of the people who did that.

[the-french-belphegor]

Every room in Scanlan’s mansion existed for a reason, as a conscious choice. He often changed the setup, and sometimes forgot to make a room, but a random chamber just popping up into existence for no reason was unheard of. (A few decades after Vecna, Kaylie comes across a room that doesn’t make sense in her father’s magical mansion.)

(Shout-out to @mythtaker, whose post last March about Scanlan probably keeping Vax's room in his Magnificent Mansion nudged my brain until I could finally do something with it 💜)

Still Life

Scanlan had changed addresses again since last time.

Kaylie let herself into the house after disarming the few traps he had told her about in his last letter. Just like he’d said, they were nothing fancy: just small precautions to avoid disgruntled former customers (or worse, the local competition) barging in unannounced.

The new house was small, but looked cosy, with high windows and whitewashed walls painted a light blue. The Marquesian sun flooded the coloured cement tiles of the study with a golden late afternoon sunlight. Her father, sitting with his feet on his desk and browsing through papers, didn’t appear to notice either the beautiful light or his unexpected visitor.

Kaylie shrugged off her backpack and let it drop to the floor. The thump made Scanlan look up; the next second, he hopped down from his chair and ran to her, smiling from ear to ear.

“Kaylie Shorthalt, apple of my eye, light of my days, vegan cream in my coffee –”

“Hey, Dad.” Tiredness kept Kaylie’s voice somewhat short, but the first thing she did after carefully putting down her violin case was give him a hug he happily returned. It had been a while since they’d seen each other. “How’s tricks?”

Even after all those years, the nugget of warmth curling in her chest when she met her father’s grin still caught her off-guard. She’d missed him, she could acknowledge that at least, but just how much she had still surprised her every time it hit her.

“Tricks are going swimmingly, thank you for asking. Did you get Juni’s letter?”

“I did, yeah, just before I left.”

“Oh, good. Well, it means Wax lost the bet, but she was worried.”

“Wait,” Kaylie asked with the start of a grin she couldn’t quite hold back, “which bet?”

Juniper and Wilhand’ildan Shorthalt, even after leaving home for places of higher learning, still made a point of staying in almost constant contact with each other, their big sister, their Grog, and their parents, by means of letters, second-hand messages, or Sending Stones. Their correspondence included a lot of teasing, bets, and dares, some of which bafflingly silly sometimes. It had dumbfounded both Kaylie and Scanlan somewhat until Pike and Grog had assured them that it wasn’t that unusual between siblings.

Scanlan waved a hand, drawing the suspense, of course.

“You know the kids. I think this time a… goat was involved? I’ll tell you all about it at dinner. In the meantime, shall I fire up the mansion? For old time’s sake?”

“‘Old times’, yeah. Sure.” Kaylie rolled her eyes, but her smile stayed. It had barely been six months since the last time they’d treated themselves to a nice stay in the Magnificent Mansion. Okay, it felt longer, but still. “I could do with a day at the spa anyway after all this heat.”

“Then it’s settled. Give me a minute.”

Scanlan rummaged in his pocket for the components, closed his eyes, and started to hum a tune Kaylie recognised as one she’d been working on the last time they’d seen each other. As always, the air around him went shimmery and warm, citrus and coriander with a dash of purple, and the door winked into existence.

Gnome-sized, of course. And flamboyant and magnificent and ridiculous in an endearing way, just like him.

He opened it for her with a bow and a flourish.

“Ladies first.”

“Show-off,” snorted Kaylie, and walked in with her violin case, trusting Scanlan to bring her bag inside. Which he did, after a double take.

It was always easy to tell, from the look of the mansion, if Scanlan had spent time in Tal’Dorei recently. The layout was different, the ceiling a little lower, the hues a little softer. Some of Wax’s drawings he’d made while inside the mansion hung on the walls in frames; there were touches here and there in the decorations of Pike’s blues and Juni’s golds amongst the pinks and purples. In the foyer, a sheet of paper covered in awkward letters bigger than Kaylie’s whole hand held pride of place on a sideboard along with a plate of cookies. She immediately pilfered a couple on her way inside.

“Where’d you put my room this time?” she asked, rolling her head on her neck. Gods, it had been a long day. Make that a long week. Or a long fucking month, to be honest.

“Ground floor, west wing, couple of doors to the hot springs. I’ll make the servants get started on dinner. Give me a yell if you need anything?”

“Sure thing, thanks.”

Kaylie recognised her bedroom immediately: the door was open, welcoming her in. Scanlan had styled it the way she liked, cool and cosy but not stifling, light on the frills, with plenty of space to put her things away and all the tools she needed to take care of her violin.

The bed looked way too comfy. It was tempting to just faceplant in it and crash. But then, she reasoned, it would still be there after a long soak and a nice dinner.

She threw her bag over her shoulder, padded barefoot out of her room, and opened the second door to the left.

And paused, puzzled.

Every room in Scanlan’s mansion existed for a reason, as a conscious choice. He often changed the setup, and sometimes forgot to make a room, but a random chamber just popping up into existence for no reason was unheard of.

That… wasn’t the hot springs. It was a bedroom, by the look of it, but a bedroom that didn’t make sense.

“Hey, Scanlan?” Kaylie called out, frowning. “What’s this room for?”

She didn’t wait for an answer and stepped in slowly, taking in the dark furniture, the elegant carpet, the plants in large pots scattered across the room. The circular bed was unmade, like its owner had just stepped out. She ran her palm over the quilt, a light, fuzzy fabric meant to look like it was made from black feathers. Or maybe stylised leaves.

Something tugged at her memory.

“What room, Kay—”

The footsteps behind her came to such an abrupt stop Kaylie thought Scanlan had Dimension Doored away elsewhere. But when she looked over her shoulder, there he was, framed in the doorway like a painting and about as motionless.

He looked nothing less than stricken.

And that… was all the explanation she needed.

After the dust settled, after that last big fight, as she was recuperating in Whitestone in a bed too big for her –

(from her wounds, from dying, from coming back to life in her father’s arms with his tears in her hair and her blood on his chest)

– he had come back, bone-tired and too quiet, the smell of booze on him stronger than some of her best and worst benders, but alive. They had talked a bit about what she wanted to do, now that the world wasn’t ending any more. She had pulled him into a hug, the only way she’d found to say everything she’d wanted to say without having words pulled out of her mouth like teeth.

It was only when she had come back from a much-needed nightly stroll and found him passed out at the foot of his own bed that she had realised he hadn’t said a single word about how the fight had gone down except We won.

What they had lost – who – had come up later.

Kaylie didn’t have many clear memories of Vax’ildan. The other members of Vox Machina she’d mostly learned to know after they disbanded. With the exception of her father – and a memorable conversation with Vex’ahlia, still vivid despite the fog of alcohol (But there’s a chance we can bring him back, if you’re willing to help) – the shape they had in her mind was a product of time in a new world, one that no longer involved escaping from dragons or being kidnapped and brainwashed by an asshole god. Vax would forever belong to that former world. The only remnants she had of him were a vague silhouette in dark clothing, a sharp grin, a surprisingly soft voice.

And the taste of blood in her mouth.

The last and strongest memory Kaylie had of Vax was his scrunched up face, contorted by guilt with tear tracks on his cheeks, open hand thrust forwards as Gilmore whisked her and Cassandra de Rolo away to safety. To this day she still viciously hoped some of that guilt was for her, too.

After all, she was the one he’d killed.

And then he had died (or perhaps before and it just took a while to really take, she had never been clear on the timing), and in the process had somehow gained the power to crack Scanlan’s heart right open.

So maybe Kaylie had ambivalent feelings about the guy.

But she was also very aware that saying fuck ‘im would not help at all in this situation.

“Oh, Dad.” She shook her head, but purposely kept her voice gentle, filing down some of her sharp edges for once. “Still, huh?”

Shock rippled on his face at the sound of her voice. It made him look a little less like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“…I meant a couple of doors on the right,” he said in a small voice.

He’d sounded worse before – hell, he’d looked worse before, she had once seen his lifeless body laid out on an altar after getting ripped apart by a dragon – but something still tugged at her heart at that.

“Yeah, well. The spa can wait. What’s up with that?” She stepped towards him, telegraphing her movements, like he was a horse who might bolt if spooked. “Why did you make that room? You know that’s… that’s not a good idea, right?”

“I didn’t make it make it,” Scanlan protested with a little more life. “I just… didn’t not make it.”

“Okay, but why now?”

Silence.

Kaylie stared at Scanlan.

“You mean you don’t make it on purpose? It just pops up every time?”

“No! …Yes. Kinda? Look, the mansion’s a complicated spell, okay? It’s not even proper bardic magic in the first place. I’ve been casting it for years and I’m still not a hundred percent sure how it works.”

His eyes stayed mostly on her, but every now and then they strayed to the left, to the coverings, the bed, the plants. However his body still seemed rooted to the spot, and Kaylie was suddenly struck by a flash of insight.

“Dad, did you – have you ever actually stepped foot in there? You know, since he died?”

Scanlan went very still.

(How the hell did he manage to fool anybody, Kaylie wondered as her heart sank in her chest. How good a liar did that make him, really, that she managed to see right through him every time?)

She shook her head again.

“You haven’t, have you. Decades of making this room without even thinking about it and you never… Godsdammit, Dad.”

“I can’t, Kaylie,” he said, barely audible. “It’s not… I wouldn’t…”

Scanlan Shorthalt at a loss for words was a unique phenomenon that could be two things: downright hilarious or powerfully awkward. A very rare third kind of outcome, the instances of which Kaylie could count on the fingers of one hand and a half, was snapping your heart clean in two. And for someone like her, who prided herself on always keeping that soft, vulnerable part of herself safe from all hurt… Well, it sucked. To put it mildly.

Kaylie sighed.

Then she took her father’s hand.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot,” she said gently, and pulled him into the room.

She didn’t have to tug very hard. Scanlan stumbled after her easily. The next moment he absent-mindedly straightened his vest and looked around at the room as though he was seeing it for the first time.

The room, not the contents. It was obvious, from the way his gaze lingered on this and that, how he snorted at the sight of an armchair pillow embroidered with two tiny figures inside a giant black dragon, or smiled at a painting that depicted a bunch of cows and a giant bird, of all things, that the objects that populated the space were familiar, or at least brought up memories.

Kaylie gave him a moment, then climbed onto the human-sized (or rather half-elf-sized) bed, letting her feet dangle over the edge. The movement must have caught Scanlan’s eye; he turned, and after a while shucked off his shoes and clambered up, too.

The silence between them lasted long enough that Kaylie started to wonder whether she should summon one of the mansion’s creepy ghost servants to get herself a drink. But she had cut down on daytime drinking a lot these past few decades, particularly since Juni’s birth. Putting the kibosh on Scanlan’s meat consumption had been a gag at first – plus chicken for breakfast, lunch, and dinner got old fast – but the excuse of eating healthy to live longer had had some truth behind it. Behind the sarcasm she’d actually wanted her father to stick around, and you kinda had to stay alive for that. It had taken her a few years after that to realise that getting too fucked up too often would make her less inclined to stay alive, too.

Scanlan had stuck by the vegan diet, and Kaylie had cut down her drinking rather dramatically.

But damn if her fingers didn’t still itch for a pint, sometimes.

“So,” she said, if only to hear something. Dammit. She had counted on Scanlan being the first to open his mouth – he usually was. “That’s a nice bedroom. This bed’s comfy.”

“I should hope so,” said Scanlan, his voice almost normal by now. Almost. “Nothing but quality in my Magnificent Mansion.”

“No mirror on the ceiling in this one?”

“Nah, not this time. But I think everybody had one at some point? Gods, it’s been ages. Anyway, I made up for it. Look in the… I think it’s in the bedside table on the left.”

Against her better judgement, Kaylie shuffled to the bedside table. Inside it was a book with a title in Marquesian which in Common translated to The Lotus and the Butterfly.

She raised an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that the one with—?”

“—with beautiful traditional Marquesian illustrations going back two hundred years from the best artists in Yios, yes.”

“I was gonna say ‘the sex positions guidebook’, but sure, let’s go with that.” She shook her head. “I thought you couldn’t leave anything from the Material Plane in the mansion?”

“You can’t. I had the servants make it special from a copy I picked up once at a casino.”

“The one you got scammed in?” Kaylie asked with a grin, making Scanlan roll his eyes. She leafed through the book idly, gaze quickly flitting over text and pictures, neither really registering. “And you just. Left that in your friend’s bedside table. Like that’s not fucking weird at all.” Her head snapped back up as a thought hit her. “Wait, did you… Did you ever hook up with him, back in the day?”

In the two seconds it took for Scanlan to open his mouth, eyes wide, she decided she didn’t need to know the answer. Those two had been good friends and clearly loved each other a lot; whether sex had been involved or not was irrelevant.

She steered clear of sentiment, though, out of habit.

“Wait, don’t answer that. Sorry. Gross, shut up. Still, what the hell? Was it supposed to be some kind of prank?”

“Well, no, I… Okay, maybe just a little. Once I finally got that he and Keyleth were actually, like, A Thing, I put the book in there whenever I made the mansion. Mostly I figured they might need, uh… not exactly something to help them get it on, but just… ideas, you know? It took them long enough to realise they both wanted to boink, just thought I might aid a little in that department.”

Kaylie stared at her father, not knowing whether she might facepalm or laugh herself sick.

“Seriously.”

“Hey,” Scanlan pointed out, “it was them or Vex and Percy, and once they figured out their own shit they didn’t need any incentive to jump each other’s bones! Man, I’m still surprised they stopped at five kids and didn’t go for the full baker’s dozen.”

Once upon a time, this would’ve been a golden opportunity for her to say something scathing about accidental children. The Kaylie from three decades ago would have verbally eviscerated present-day Kaylie for letting that opportunity pass by. But then again, being her three decades ago had been fucking exhausting. Sure, she sometimes missed the viciousness she had let go of over the years, but she’d also lost some fears and gained a little peace of mind. Overall, not a bad bargain.

She settled for a snort and put the book back in the bedside table. Then she made herself comfortable on the bed, leaning back and kicking her feet a little.

Surprisingly, Scanlan didn’t add anything. He rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his arms and gazed vaguely ahead with an odd expression, for him.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hm?”

Godsdammit. Pike would be much better suited for this.

Kaylie resolutely kept her own gaze in front of her and didn’t look at him.

“You do realise it’s… okay if you don’t make this room? Maybe not next time, but like… the time after that. I don’t think he’ll mind, I mean… It’s not… It wouldn’t be betraying him is what I’m sayin’.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him turn his head towards her a little, but he remained uncharacteristically silent and still.

“It’s nice that you kept his stuff. No, I know, it’s not really his stuff, but you know what I mean – it’s, uh… it’s a thoughtful gesture. Wherever he is I’m sure he’d appreciate it. But…”

How did people do this? Say words that weren’t even spells and fixed things somehow? Her music could break and heal alike, but that last part felt closer to tying a tourniquet on a bleeding limb: a tiny thing that might keep you from dying just now, but a far cry from magic that knitted bones back together or breathed life back into corpses. She had sung away the hurt from Juni’s scraped knees or Wax’s scratched elbows a few times when her little siblings were kids. She might as well be trying to do the same now on a decades-old wound that somehow still found a way to bleed every now and then.

“But… But there’s better ways to remember him by. This is like… frozen in time. Like a museum, almost. Somehow I doubt that’s what he was about.”

“It’s not,” Scanlan muttered. Then he cleared his throat and added, without the crack in his voice this time, “I mean, yeah, he was… He was, uh.”

She pretended not to see him wipe his nose on his sleeve.

“He had… a lot going on, once he got into his thing with the Raven Queen. That messed him up for some time. But even with all that, even when he went full emo goth chicken with one foot in the grave talking about death all the frickin’ time, he was… he was alive.”

Pause; a small snort of a laugh. When he spoke again he was smiling, but his voice was less than steady again. “Never seen a dead guy so alive, when I think about it.”

Kaylie waited for him to continue. When it became obvious that nothing more was coming, she bit back a sigh, then shuffled closer.

And closer. Just close enough to lay her head on her father’s shoulder if she slumped a little.

(Ever since she’d first laid eyes on him she’d always been a little taller. That he’d never been there while she was still small enough to hold and carry was one of the things she still was angry at him about occasionally – and angry at herself for it. She was tough and strong and a grown-ass adult, godsdammit, not a bloody child.)

After a while, Scanlan laid his head against hers, giving her time to slip away if she wanted, like he usually did.

“Didn’t you want to go to the spa?” he asked quietly.

Kaylie gave a one-shoulder shrug, careful not to jostle their skulls against each other’s.

“I will. In a while.”

“I included the steam room again.”

“Good. It’s nice. Also pretty.”

“Well, you deserve the best.”

“Damn right I do,” she murmured.

Maybe he wasn’t the best father. But he certainly wasn’t the worst she’d thought he was for the first two thirds of her life. Sure, the space between their souls had its share of broken things, but in time they had built trust, and affection, and unspoken words that warmed rather than hurt.

She shifted, just enough that she could kiss his temple just above his ear – a little smaller than her own, one of the few physical traits he didn’t pass on to her – and give his hand a squeeze for good measure, lightning-quick.

Then she settled against him again before he could say anything.

The room was not haunted. In two dozen hours it would disappear, along with the rest of the house; one day it might cease to exist altogether. And maybe, between the two of them (beating hearts, warm bodies, lungs drawing breaths in tandem with one another), they could lay some old ghosts to rest.

[burr-ell]

8 for either Percy or Vex, whichever you're feeling more

I just answered an ask about Vex (albeit not with this question) so I'm gonna go with Percy!

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Ship him with Vax.

Aside from that, though, and this ties into an issue I have with how people talk about Vex, I think a lot of people really don't care to acknowledge that for all his faults, Percy got better because of his own choices. He didn't get "fixed" by Vex; he actively wanted to try to make better choices and then he made them. ("I do not want to die who I am" is a GREAT quote.) It was his choice to forgive Ripley that inspired her. I think in general people like to act as though Percy will do whatever Vex wants and go along with her without question (that chocolate milk quote gets taken out of context a lot) rather than like, being a person with complicated feelings and opinions of his own. (It's why people got so offended over him not dropping everything for Laudna; I actually saw someone compare him to SYLDOR for how he "treated Vex", which was a statement so divorced from the text and reality that it was offensive even outside of its implications.)

send me some character asks!

[wildmagicplant]

feeling.... a lot of things about downfall for many reasons but one specific kind of random one is laura as the raven queen taking a pause and then saying "it is the path i chose" in response to the everlight saying that she has the hardest burden of all of them. and rembering vax's arc with the raven queen—choosing to take the raven queen's bargain to return from death, scanlan calling it a brave choice (i don't know whether i think scanlan meant it but it's the words that interest me here), the final moments where all of vox machina tried everything they could think of to persuade the raven queen to let him go and vax made it very clear that he had accepted this and was prepared for it. it wasn't his choice to start with but it was his choice by the end, and the echoes of that through time as the raven queen (specifically as laura) says it of her own path