#vax made his own choices

[essayofthoughts]

#vox machina's story is that much stronger for vax having permanently died for several reasons#but one of them being that if vax hadn't died there isn't really anything narratively for him to DO.#vex and percy raise a family and lead a city. keyleth leads her people. grog learns to read. scanlan and pike get married and then divorce#and scanlan runs a mercantile enterprise while pike rebuilds a wholeass religion while running a bakery#even tary's leading a non-profit adventuring brigade and getting married#what is vax's 'happy ending'. i will be soft with keyleth and love my sister forever :) like great. anyway#vax was someone who yearned for purpose and he became a celestial champion. that's an actual STORY#critical role#cr meta tags from @burr-ell

But exactly this - if you don't like Vax's choice, that's fine, you're entitled to your feelings, but it was still a choice that player and character made, and which gave both purpose and joy. To tell someone they can't make a choice that brings them those things because you don't like it - I mean that's TERF shit baby! That's "your choices make ME unhappy therefore you shouldn't be allowed to make them". It's shitty!

Yeah, Vax's ending is sad, but Vax's ending also gave the character purpose and is something Liam has said repeatedly he is happy with and at peace with. The Raven Queen didn't force shit - simply enforced the rules of her literal godly nature and was very open with Vax what those rules were.

People make their own choices. To try to deny that because you don't like it, or because you think there's external factors - I mean maybe there is, we live under capitalism for example, but we still make choices. To take that way from people is to deny them agency. To take it away from characters is to make them boring.

i truly am baffled by some of the cr fandom when it comes to the topic of the gods and c1 and death in general because. the raven queen didn’t kill vax. in fact she gave him more time. she Does get the blame from keyleth and some from vex but even those two by the end were more so just holding grudges wrapped up in their own issues that were exacerbated by vax’s choices. but it was always vax’s choice. which, y’know, i’m aware of a portion of the cr fandom’s propensity for dismantling every interesting choice a character makes into something forced upon them, but the role of fate in exandria has never been like bad faith you must adhere to the path chosen for you, it’s much more like what brennan has spoken about wrt specificity: as one makes more choices they become more particular to a given outcome. but that’s not some curse by the gods that dooms characters that’s literally just. what living is.

and of course death is a complicated thing that everyone approaches differently but. god the amount of people who view vax’s dynamic with the raven queen as an injustice or his death as some unforgivable thing the raven queen caused some how? in the words of laura bailey, Were We Watching The Same Orb? it isn’t an injustice that vax, completely willing to pay whatever it cost him to save his sister, was bound to the Deal He Agreed To. his role as the champion was one he found meaning and purpose in. further, it was the raven queen that allowed him to be resurrected later in the campaign. like, it isn’t fair that vax had so little time but it is time he chose and time he was given, but vox machina tends to fall on the reaping the benefits side of unfairness of power in exandria. if what makes the gods — particularly the matron of ravens — irredeemable is that they have the power to make choices that mortals can’t like denying someone’s resurrection, how irredeemable must the group of heroes called vox machina (whose members drop like flies to be revived moments later) be to the everyday person who just has to watch the people they love die and make peace with it?

of course it sucks that vax could not have a happy ending or epilogue like the rest of vm, except of course, vex has a family and is happy and loved, and keyleth is strong and alive and protected, and i think that looks a lot like what vax wanted most.

[utilitycaster]

An ongoing theme, with regards to the gods (as opposed to Predathos and the Imperium) is that of free will. The gods are stringent in collecting on promises made, and the Betrayers will use initial consent as license to act freely, but it’s notable, in a campaign where nearly all the main player characters are shaped by entities that never once gave them a choice, the gods require an invitation. Except, worryingly, Predathos, a being of nigh-divine powers who does not seem bound by this limitation. And, of course, mortals can do as they will.

When Lolth overtakes Opal, the fact that Opal assumed both the crown, and the title of champion, willingly, is repeatedly mentioned, in DM narration and by Lolth herself. Lolth also mentions to Dorian, (perhaps untruthfully, though the events of EXU indicate this might be genuine), that she wished for him to become her champion instead - but he did not put on the crown, so she can’t have him. Obviously, Lolth takes many liberties with Opal once given entry, but she can only speak to people or act through someone who has permitted her. We see this too with Asmodeus: it is ultimately Zerxus’s choice not to walk away and face his death, but make good on his pact; some degree of initial consent is needed. K’nauth and Judicators are also both explicitly described as voluntary: once permission is given, they are bound, but this is no different than the contracts of warlocks and notably, with the gods, while we’ve seen them make deals under dire straits, we’ve never seen such unwitting participants in their pacts as Fjord with Uk’otoa or Laudna with Delilah among the gods. All entered in control of their faculties, to our knowledge, though not necessarily with the full knowledge of what it entailed.

The Prime Deities are differentiated from the Betrayers in that they continue to provide free will to their champions and their faithful. The Raven Queen accepts Vax’s trade of his life for Vex’s, given without any direct communication from her, but she quickly does begin to communicate clearly; when Vax communes with her in Duskmeadow, she tells him what she wishes, putting him much more at ease. Later, after his death, she gives him an option to either remain dead, or to have a little more time left with Keyleth, Vex, and the others of Vox Machina before he completes his task and returns to her, and he makes a choice. When Morrighan asks for guidance, the Raven Queen’s response is to ask “why are you fighting, and what are you fighting for?” and stresses that she wishes to lay out the exact terms before Morrighan agrees to anything. When Percy asks her what to do she, ironically enough for a goddess of fate, tells him he possesses the capacity to do great things of his own accord. All of Vox Machina’s divine favors come willingly, only after a conversation; the Wildmother first reaches out to Fjord before he decides to accept. And mortals have the capacity to resist even these promises; Opal is only partially successful but she does not give the Spider Queen two deaths and she does not leave alone. Fy’ra Rai finds herself able to go against Lolth’s wishes even when the Wildmother does not wish to intervene; it is her choice not to kill Opal but to go with her.

When mortals express doubt in the gods, it’s typically not their actions. It’s because they don’t think they meddle in the matters of mortals enough. As mentioned, Percy struggles with the open-ended nature of the Raven Queen’s advice. Essek, frequently considered an “anti-god” character is actually quite mild in his doubt and ultimately more frustrated at the clerics of the Kryn Dynasty than the Luxon itself (put a pin in that). Ludinus Da���leth states the gods should have prevented the Calamity, despite us knowing that the Prime Deities avoided intervention and that ultimately, while the Calamity had a number of causes, mortals (Vespin, Laerryn, much of the city of Avalir) were at the root. Ashton and Imogen’s frustrations with the gods have both ultimately been that they asked for assistance and did not receive it.

The extension of the Prime Deities’ belief in the free will of mortals is sufficiently strong that even during the Age of Arcanum, when many mortals rejected them, and when they did not require mortal intermediaries, they still chose to preserve it until the Calamity began. Each major action by the gods as a group is ultimately one to preserve themselves (the sealing of Predathos; the destruction of Aeor; the current campaign’s truce) or to preserve mortals (the Primes during the Schism and in creating the Divine Gate).

Contrast this with Delilah, who seizes control of Laudna and who is never stated to have asked permission for any of her actions. Compare to FCG, designed by Aeorians to lose control and kill. Compare to Chetney, bitten by a werewolf in the wilderness (and the others of the Gorgynei as well) - indeed, what control he has is the legacy of magic granted by the Raven Queen and by a nature spirit tied to the Wildmother. Contrast this now with Predathos, whose Ruidusborn had no say in this connection and indeed, many are motivated in service to Predathos with the goal of freeing themselves. Enforcers within the Kreveris Imperium refer to themselves as The Will, and Elder Barthie refers to those who oppose them as being made “pliable”. Chetney’s loss of control under Ruidus is deliberately triggered by the Weave Mind, with whom he made no deal.

If we (in my opinion, rightfully) reject any argument that denies the right of sentient entities to self-preservation, we are left with the following accusations of the gods: failing to stop wrongdoing by mortals (both in their name and unrelated); and acting in accordance with pre-existing agreements. The latter we can also reject; it is not perhaps kind of the gods to hold people to their contracts, but this is not unique to them and as discussed extensively above, they do require that, at least initially, the promise be made willingly.

The former, unfortunately, will not be stopped by destroying the gods. Ultimately, such people as Tuldus, Bor’Dor, and the people of Hearthdell were oppressed by their fellow mortals. In-world, we have seen zealotry in the name not just of the Prime Deities but that of countless lesser ones, notably Uk’otoa; if only the Prime and Betrayer gods are at stake, this simply creates a power vacuum to be filled by other entities vastly more powerful than mortals. On the other hand, should all power-granting entities be devoured, setting aside the upheaval this will cause in society, this leaves no shortage of room for oppression on the basis of race or political affiliation, both of which we’ve seen. The Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting’s original incarnation, prior to the further development of Wildemount for Campaign 2, even stated the Dwendalian Empire forbade all religion and was still an authoritarian one. Colonization is the end goal of the Weave Mind and indeed the motivation for killing the gods per Edmuda. It also is not unheard of on Exandria for reasons not attributed to religion, notably the settling of the Menagerie Coast by Marquesians, and Tal’Dorei (formerly Gwessar) by human settlers from Issylra. And, of course, as we know in our real world, you do not need provable deities for religion to develop nor for colonization and oppression. Mortals do these things in reality and Exandria, whether or not the gods exist, and destroying the gods in Exandria achieves no prevention, only carnage.

Returning, finally, to Essek: when we look at the major characters who are PCs or are aligned with them who have expressed frustration with the gods, the only one who has much of a case for being influenced by the actions of a deity is Percy, who is staunchly on the side against Predathos. One could split hairs and note that Vecna was not a deity at the time of the murder of Percy’s family, his own torture, and the destruction and occupation of Whitestone, but rather merely a power-hungry wizard extending his lifespan via unscrupulous means, but Percy’s own choices render this moot. Meanwhile, the gods simply did not alleviate Imogen and Ashton’s experiences, both of which were in part due to powers caused by entities the gods, in fact, failed to sufficiently destroy (Predathos and Ka’Mort specifically) and mostly perpetuated by mortals reacting to Imogen’s abilities or Ashton finding themself orphaned on the outskirts of a notoriously rough city and later, caught as the fall guy in a failed heist by a morally questionable wealthy collector.

It is my belief that Keyleth’s anger is, on some level, extended towards someone who can’t respond nor change and who she feels she cannot be angry at, and that is Vax. Vax made the deal and the Raven Queen collected; Vax decided to take the Raven Queen’s second offer. He was forced into neither, and as discussed later, he likely would have responded poorly to a True Resurrection attempt given his faith. Vax is dead because of Vecna, but neutralizing Vecna didn’t fix it. I think Dorian’s anger at Lolth meanwhile is valid, but it’s also something I’d imagine he feels he cannot direct towards Opal, even though her actions are a part of it. And I’m sure both Keyleth and Dorian blame themselves, to an extent, whether or not that is rightful. The gods make just as convenient a scapegoat for those hurt by mortals as they do an excuse for cruelty.  But I don’t think killing them will bring back Vax, and certainly not Cyrus. Much as Derrig and Will and four other Ashari lie permanently dead at the hands of Otohan Thull despite her demise, and Orym’s trauma remains, killing the gods will not undo what happened to Imogen or Ashton. And since their main crime is considered to be inaction, killing them does not end suffering (and, indeed, should we dig into the infrastructures of Exandrian society and cosmology, may very well drastically increase it). It merely confirms that no one will receive their favor rather than only some; a bringing everyone down to your misery rather than striving to elevate all. An apt, if slightly tongue-in-cheek comparison to the real world is the fact that the cause of student loan forgiveness has been hamstrung and neutered by people furious that, since they didn’t receive help, no one else should - it is a self-centered and retaliatory mentality to lash out so far in jealousy that one would willingly destroy the life of another with the goal of increasing universal suffering.

Sources:

Timestamps available upon request but here are the episodes I’m drawing from. Printed works include pages.

Lolth, Opal, and Dorian: see 3x92-93; see also EXU Prime episode 8, EXU Kymal episode 2 for Opal willingly accepting and EXU Prime episodes 5 and 7 for the Spider Queen trying to get Dorian to put on the circlet.

K’nauth: EXU Calamity episode 2

Asmodeus and Zerxus: EXU Calamity episode 4

Judicators: 3x43

The Raven Queen and Vax: notably 1x44 (initial deal), 1x57 (Duskmeadow communion), 1x103 (her offering him the choice to pass or to become a revenant). Percy is also in 1x57.

The Raven Queen and Morrighan: 3x93.

Vox Machina’s divine favors: 1x104-1x106

Fjord and the Wildmother: 2x65; powers granted in 2x76.

Fy’ra and the Wildmother: 3x93

Essek’s feelings: see the final portion of this excellent post from essektheyless

Ludinus on the gods: 3x45

For causes of the Calamity, see EXU Calamity in its entirety, but Vespin specifically is episode 4, many of Avalir’s actions (including ignoring the hall of prophecy) are episode 2, and Laerryn denying the Arboreal Calix needed energy and casting Blight are in episode 3).

Ashton on the gods: 3x65

Imogen on the gods: 3x79

See page 12 of The Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount regarding the Prime Deities’ choice not to enforce their will during the Age of Arcanum.

Sealing of Predathos: 3x43; destruction of Aeor: EGTW 121; Truce mentioned in 3x67 and has appeared in 3x89 (Vezoden) and 3x92-93 (The Wildmother and Lolth).

Schism: EGTW 12; Divine Gate EGTW 13-14.

Delilah seizing control: 3x23

FCG’s design: 3x32 and 3x45

Chetney and Gorgynei (history and control): 3x40-41

Weave Mind control of Chetney: 3x91

Goals of Ruidusborn: multiple but see 3x48 and 3x89, 3x92 for a strong example with Liliana.

Imperium practices: 3x84

Tuldus: 3x44. Bor’Dor: 3x63. Hearthdell: 3x60-61.

Actions of Uk’otoa: much of Campaign 2 but notably 2x98 and The Mighty Nein Reunited.

Original description of the Dwendalian Empire: Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting (not Reborn) page 99

Goals of the Weave Mind: 3x85

Colonization of the Menagerie Coast: EGTW 17 (largely a peaceful one); Colonization of Tal’Dorei: Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn page 18 (explicitly stated to be against the wishes of the elves; led in part to the rule of Drassig and Scattered War).

Percy and Vecna: Vecna ascends in 1x106; the events of the Whitestone Occupation begin prior to campaign 1. Percy is in multiple war councils against the Vanguard and notably appears in the plans for a distraction to allow Bells Hells to take the Bloody Bridge in 3x81.

Imogen and Predathos: the revelation that Predathos may be within exaltants comes in 3x92; 3x83 and 3x87 both have involuntary experiences due to Predathos and see Liliana’s arguments in 3x48 as well as Imogen’s discussion of Gelvaan.

Ashton and Ka’Mort: emotional fallout most notably in 3x78; Evontra’vir’s description of what happened with the shard in 3x74. Memories of the Hexum Manor heist can be seen in 3x35.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

God I am genuinely so impressed with how they managed to adapt the Chroma Conclave Arc into a single season of animated television. While there is so much of the Chroma Conclave arc that I love that they cut (I am actually very disappointed to not have gotten "call me child one more goddamn time" cause that is my favorite moment of the whole campaign) the way they ended up splitting the party to handle all the different moving pieces: Vorugal, Dis, Glintshore, Thordak, Raishan makes a ton of sense.

gif by @strolling-through-emon

Having the trip to Hell and trip to Draconia coincide, I was honestly initially a little confused as to why they needed to split the party there. But I ended up screaming at my TV about how brilliantly they handled getting the extremely iconic Yenk v. Vorugal fight on my screen. Oh it was so much fun to watch.

gif by @strolling-through-emon

While it does cut the drama a bit to lose the team how do you want to do this? during Glintshore, Vex's "i want an arrow through her heart and one through her mouth as she screams" is by far the most memorable part of Ripley's death (imo) and Vax plays a (haha) critical role in getting Percy back as the patron to the Raven Queen in the animated series, as a way to set up Vax's situation during the Vecna arc. So sending Vex and Vax to do the Ripley fight without the rest of the team was a smart play. And the whole team gets to be there for the resurrection, so you still get the beautiful moment of care, of everyone being there for Percy in death even if it's not on the shores of Glintshore.

gif by @strolling-through-emon

Grog and Pike hanging back to deal with Scanlan makes sense as the people that are the closest to Scanlan in the party. Pike going to find Kaley is the only choice in Scanlan's absence because in the original campaign Scanlan entrusts Pike with looking after Kaley should something happen to him. We got Grog's fix him moment, and we were able to get the Kaley and Scanlan reunion without having to dedicate time to the desecration and disrespect of Scanlan's body via the prank. I will miss the gut punch of "what's my mother's name?" because goddamn that was A Moment in the campaign, but also it was kind of a sticky situation in the actual game because Scanlan never talked about himself even when people did ask. We didn't need to navigate that piece of the puzzle in order to get the outcome of parting ways during the time skip between Chroma Conclave and Vecna. That said, I do think we miss out on seeing Scanlan without his performer's mask on as a result of skipping A Bard's Lament.

gif by @epicnessunfolds

Keyleth going off on her own was a great way to handle her overcoming her mounting insecurity, she needs to learn how to be a leader, she needs to recognize her own strength. We got "I have passed through fire" as a nod to Patrick Rothfuss/Kerrick since he was cut from the show. It makes sense to have kept Percy dead throughout the Ripley and Raishan fight because Percy was very dead during both of those fights. And while Feeblemind (another favorite moment of mine) definitely did not make sense as a spell in this dragon fight, Keyleth got her feeblemind moment with the spreading of the disease at the end of the Raishan fight, and it's interesting because the way they animated the disease mimicked how Matt described the Feeblemind taking root in Raishan during that fight in the og campaign.

gif by @fairymonk

I'm so curious how I would feel about the changes they made to this show if I didn't know the creators of the original materials were the ones in control of the animated series. Like I sleep a lot more soundly with the death of Kash during the Thordak fight knowing that it is highly likely that Will gave his permission for that, seeing as he was the voice actor for Kash, that Mary is the voice director for the show, etc. I think I would have been a lot more upset at Pike being the one to take out Thordak's gem instead of Vex if I wasn't absolutely certain that there was a discussion about giving Pike that moment to shine. We lost Pike's divine intervention punching Vorugal out of the sky, so it feels like a fair trade to give Pike the Thordak moment. Especially because Vax still gets to be the one to ultimately kill Thordak to avenge his mother's death and Vex gets to be the one to ultimately kill Ripley to avenge Percy's death.

gif by @hotcupofdragons

As always this is a show full of eye candy. The animation is gorgeous and I am so impressed with how vibrant and magical they are able to make the world, the fights, everything. I love finding easter eggs (I see you katzenprinz) and I like that this show manages to strike a balance between honoring the source material and being its own story. Here's to sobbing my way through the Vecna arc in Season 4!

[burr-ell]

On the subject of Vex's flaws, I think it's interesting to compare and contrast the conversations she has first with Vax and then with Percy in 1x63. Right before the episode break, Vax goes to Vex to talk to her about the title Percy gave her and tells her that while he appreciates that it made her happy, to him it's like "gilding a lily" and that she's "already perfect" to him. She insists her strength is an act and he immediately replies "bullshit".

Immediately after the break, Vex seeks out Percy, and thanks him for the title and tells him how much it meant to her that he took up for her that way. Percy says a title is "mostly there to remind you you don't really need it" and "it doesn't change anything", and they have a brief discussion about the logistics of what her title means. He teases her that "I imagine you're eventually going to become very insufferable" but then adds that "you have to be".

Now on its face it seems like Percy's saying the same thing Vax is! But there are a couple of crucial differences. For one thing, the comments Percy makes about her becoming "insufferable" (and then that actually she should be) are clearly playful, but it's also an acknowledgment that she can be exasperating. Lighthearted it may be, but it tells Vex that Percy's not afraid of her flaws or put off by the ways she could potentially be annoying. For another, he openly admits that she doesn't actually have any land—the land isn't his to give; it's Cassandra's, as the actual ruler of the city. Percy's promising her what he CAN give her, with an honest explanation of what that is. Like with the come-from-money conversation, he's being both kind and objective. It's at this point where he says a title "doesn't change anything", and I think that allows Vex to see his gesture for the totality of what it is and make her own choice about what she does with it. It's like the arrows; he's giving her the tools to forge her own path, trusting her judgment.

Now I'm not at all hating on Vax here, but I do think Vex's conversation with him revealed some flaws in their relationship. Vax only emphasizes how Vex is cool and strong, and when Vex directly states that it's an act, Vax dismisses this and says he needs her to keep being strong. And he clearly means well! But it's a fascinating choice from Laura to go from that conversation and then talk to Percy the first chance she gets, and one of the things that says is that Vex does not trust Vax's judgment of her in that moment. He's her brother, and he just explicitly said she's perfect! Vex has, by this point, started to see her own flaws clearly enough that just telling her how amazing she is doesn't address the issue, and she's less inclined to trust the opinion of someone who does it. She wants to know that someone can see her flaws, assess her honestly, and still love her.

And the conversation with Percy shows Vex someone who looks at her and sees through her, who has seen and done terrible things and is clever and pragmatic and ruthless, someone who does his best to evaluate a situation as objectively as possible and someone who's striving every day to become better. And that person trusts her, wants to see her succeed, and gives her everything he can to make that happen.

[rhowena]

I don't think Vax would "have severe trauma" from the Raven Queen any more than Vex would "have severe trauma" from the work she does for the Council of Tal'dorei and the Chamber of Whitestone, but I do think that, like it or not, Vax's role as champion has become an integral part of who he is as a person, and for all that the Raven Queen's hatedom likes to throw the word 'possessive' around, it strikes me as far, far more possessive and controlling to want to forcibly rip that part of Vax away -- denying his agency, overriding his choices, and completely ignoring his actual expressed feelings and opinions about his service to the Matron in the process -- because you think he should only be allowed to have the specific happy ending that you want for him.

Vaxleth isn’t going to have a “happy ending”

Vax is going to still be 28 after 30 years

Keyleth is old as fuck and she’s still going to out live him

Vax is going to have severe trauma from the raven queen

etc etc etc

do y’all even think of the bigger picture or just want NPCS and one old ass NPC to be together when the VA aren’t even going to play them anyway😭 all played by matthew mercer btw

didn’t the cast say Keyleth needs to move on? maybe yall should be supporting her healing journey and not giving her more trauma when she out lives Vax anyway

[mindovermuses]

I find myself at odds with certain aspects of last night's episode of Critical Role (C3:E105). It's probably just my autistic brain getting stuck on things we've been told/have seen in the past standing in pretty much direct opposition to how they're being viewed/handled now, but I think I need to just put it out on the page to figure out exactly what it is that bothers me. Right now it's just vague, half-thoughts eating at the back of my mind.

I'll let my mind wander and ramble after the cut, but the essence of it is that I have a hard time believing that the leaders of the Raven Queen's temple would be so openly defend Laudna the way that they did.

Long, rambling train of thought brain dump ahead...

I have no problem with the character, it's been awesome seeing Marisha delve into this macabre identity. And it's obviously just a game and made sense in the moment to have someone with authority on death speak in defense of her in the meeting, but I question that temple specifically.

Each deity is given only three tenets- three sacred commandments to put upon their followers above all else that are supposed to be considered mandatory as part of their faith.

The Matron of Ravens Commandments are:

1) Death is the natural end of life. Grieve the fallen, but do not pity them. Exult in the time that they were granted. 2) The path of Fate is sacrosanct. Those who pridefully cast off destiny must be punished. 3) Undeath is an atrocity. Death is too good a punishment for those who pervert the rightful transition of the soul. - from the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn

The entire reason why Laudna is still "alive" is because of Delilah's necromancy. If that magic were to be cut off, she would die as it isn't the power of her soul and life force keeping her there.

Delilah's dark magic was granted as a boon in exchange for a pact with Vecna- one of the Matron's sworn enemies. For the power to return her love to her. Delilah is a large part of why Vecna was able to uncover the Matron's rituals to ascend to godhood in order to eternally defy death. He, and Delilah along with him, are an affront to the natural balance of life and death that the world hinges on.

Delilah's spirit still lives upon Exandria and hasn't found it's way to the Matron's halls... because of Laudna choosing to trap her in what we know isn't guaranteed to hold her forever. Any follower could capture Laudna and carve it out to restore her at any time, releasing the threat of everything the Matron despises upon the world. And, at that point, Delilah would no longer need Laudna.

She allowed Vax to return as a revenant only long enough to see that Orcus and Vecna were destroyed and only because he was her champion, working directly on her behalf before willingly leaving everything he loved behind to take up his new role.

Laudna is neither her champion nor even a casual follower, let alone a devoted one, AND she holds within her the spirit of a necromancer who has already proven she is willing to tear the fabric of reality apart to get what she desires.

I could see the Matron turning a blind eye in this moment, given the dire circumstances, but begrudgingly so. When all is said and done, I could see the Matron summoning Laudna into the blood pool and presenting her with a choice:

-Let Delilah's spirit go and cross over into death eternally, willingly, and hope that her friends can succeed at a high DC True Resurrection spell, returning her to the untrained sorceress she was before Delilah took her fate into her own hands...

-or-

-Accept that the Matron's champion will have no choice but to force the soul anchor holding Delilah from her, leaving her to be met with Delilah's fate of death with no hope of resurrection.

Because Delilah's spirit cannot be allowed to return to Exandria and neither Laudna nor Delilah will be leaving that space between worlds where they are currently. She must choose, and choose now...

...and that's when Matt ends the episode, leaving a heart-breaking cliffhanger that no one else in the party is even aware is happening. Laudna's spirit on a plane unreachable by any outside magics.

Just like the Matron could not promise longer lives for the Everlight's children moments after finally being accepted by her as family and, as she could not make exceptions for the love Vax and Keyleth shared when it was his time, she cannot make an exception for Laudna- not with this.

No matter how unfair it was that her life was taken so young for such evil purposes, she's hardly the first and certainly won't be the last to suffer such a fate. No matter that she (hopefully) saved the world- because didn't Vax do the same with no special treatment given to him when the job was done?

The one minuscule loophole that she is able to offer is the hope that someone might think to try and then succeed at a difficult True Resurrection spell, having to pull her soul through the muck and sludge of Delilah's evil- giving her another chance to start over and live the life thread that was stolen from her. Her very own Kingsley type resurrection, minus any memories. Laudna, as everyone knows her, will die with Delilah, but Matilda will get a second chance.

So, what will it be.

Willingly separate Matilda's golden thread from where Laudna and Delilah's threads begin-blackened by a necromantic disease spreading to, and infecting, nearby threads. Is she willing to let go of everything she's gained and experienced after Delilah brought her back as it is impossible to separate the threads binding them? or...

Willingly decide that she's ready to pass eternally through the veil as well, her memories as Laudna in tact if any of her friends or loved ones might find themselves in the same eternal resting place when their times come?

But that's just me. I'll obviously enjoy whatever Matt and the cast give us, this is their story and Matt's world. I just needed to get this all out of my head to process it.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Vox Machina + Valentine’s Day

Percy De Rolo

Finds the whole holiday rather frivolous.

A whole day just to coo and moon eye at each other? Seems completely wasted.

But, he is a man of tradition. And traditions must be followed.

The obvious choice is jewelry. Something clean and elegant.

Or, if he was getting more in tune with the spirit of the whole thing, a music box. Hand crafted of his own design to play your song.

Vex

Incredibly flirty any other day of the week, so be prepared for it to be ten-fold.

Her mission in life for the day is to tease, taunt, and tempt her lover all day with her wiles.

Of which there are many.

The entire day would be like foreplay. Culminating in an almost violent passion of love making; followed by many other more gentle bouts.

Her gift would be an ornate arrow that she had carved out of one of her bolts, as a symbol of the cupid’s arrow that had struck her heart for you.

Scanlan

Never was a day more made for Scanlan.

Aside from being hopelessly addicted to ‘love’, Valentine’s day is a bard’s bread & butter.

A lot of coin to be made sing sweet songs to love struck couples.

He’d invite you to the inn he was playing at and dedicate a special song to you. One he wrote of course.

The rest of the evening is yours, where he’ll be at your mercy, for all the toe curling fun the two of you can cook up.

Vax

Genuinely forgets about the holiday. But he’s so suave that he plays it off like he hasn’t.

He forgot because he’s terrible with dates & holidays. Not that he doesn’t love you.

Vax thinks about you all the time, so one day out of the year didn’t even register to him.

Rattles off some silver-tongued lie about a surprise he had in store for you. One he is clearly making up as he goes along.

It works out in the end as he led you on some far fetched journey to the top of hill or tower, where he presents you with some night blooming flower he had snatched long the way (like he planned it).

Keyleth

Oh….our poor little turtle duck….

Extremely confident in the planning phase, but looses her nerve as the day comes around and she has to ask you to be her Valentine.

Wastes most of the day running away, or darting around corners, or babbling on as she can’t get her words out.

Eventually, she does. In true Keyleth earnestness.

Gives you a potted plant she grew on her own, and enchanted to always thrive & bloom. Like her feelings for you.

Pike

Happy to just be around you. No matter what day it is.

Pike loves her friends but they can be….a bit much. So a day with just the two of you would be wonderful.

Would like to, for once, do tourist-y things around the town your staying at. She never gets the chance.

Take a break to make a small offering to the Everlight for her loving comfort and her continued protection of you.

Makes a small cake for the two of you to share while you’re out. Grog was the official taste tester.

Grog

Has zero idea what Valentine’s day is.

He doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get what it’s about. Doesn’t get why this is a holiday.

Aren’t you supposed to tell someone you love them all the time? Are you supposed to be around them all the time too if you love ‘em?

Tries to play along, but is really a disaster at stuff like this.

Gives you a big bear hug and takes you out drinking. If your going to celebrate there’s no better way to do it than with ale!

[the-french-belphegor]

Every room in Scanlan’s mansion existed for a reason, as a conscious choice. He often changed the setup, and sometimes forgot to make a room, but a random chamber just popping up into existence for no reason was unheard of. (A few decades after Vecna, Kaylie comes across a room that doesn’t make sense in her father’s magical mansion.)

(Shout-out to @mythtaker, whose post last March about Scanlan probably keeping Vax's room in his Magnificent Mansion nudged my brain until I could finally do something with it 💜)

Still Life

Scanlan had changed addresses again since last time.

Kaylie let herself into the house after disarming the few traps he had told her about in his last letter. Just like he’d said, they were nothing fancy: just small precautions to avoid disgruntled former customers (or worse, the local competition) barging in unannounced.

The new house was small, but looked cosy, with high windows and whitewashed walls painted a light blue. The Marquesian sun flooded the coloured cement tiles of the study with a golden late afternoon sunlight. Her father, sitting with his feet on his desk and browsing through papers, didn’t appear to notice either the beautiful light or his unexpected visitor.

Kaylie shrugged off her backpack and let it drop to the floor. The thump made Scanlan look up; the next second, he hopped down from his chair and ran to her, smiling from ear to ear.

“Kaylie Shorthalt, apple of my eye, light of my days, vegan cream in my coffee –”

“Hey, Dad.” Tiredness kept Kaylie’s voice somewhat short, but the first thing she did after carefully putting down her violin case was give him a hug he happily returned. It had been a while since they’d seen each other. “How’s tricks?”

Even after all those years, the nugget of warmth curling in her chest when she met her father’s grin still caught her off-guard. She’d missed him, she could acknowledge that at least, but just how much she had still surprised her every time it hit her.

“Tricks are going swimmingly, thank you for asking. Did you get Juni’s letter?”

“I did, yeah, just before I left.”

“Oh, good. Well, it means Wax lost the bet, but she was worried.”

“Wait,” Kaylie asked with the start of a grin she couldn’t quite hold back, “which bet?”

Juniper and Wilhand’ildan Shorthalt, even after leaving home for places of higher learning, still made a point of staying in almost constant contact with each other, their big sister, their Grog, and their parents, by means of letters, second-hand messages, or Sending Stones. Their correspondence included a lot of teasing, bets, and dares, some of which bafflingly silly sometimes. It had dumbfounded both Kaylie and Scanlan somewhat until Pike and Grog had assured them that it wasn’t that unusual between siblings.

Scanlan waved a hand, drawing the suspense, of course.

“You know the kids. I think this time a… goat was involved? I’ll tell you all about it at dinner. In the meantime, shall I fire up the mansion? For old time’s sake?”

“‘Old times’, yeah. Sure.” Kaylie rolled her eyes, but her smile stayed. It had barely been six months since the last time they’d treated themselves to a nice stay in the Magnificent Mansion. Okay, it felt longer, but still. “I could do with a day at the spa anyway after all this heat.”

“Then it’s settled. Give me a minute.”

Scanlan rummaged in his pocket for the components, closed his eyes, and started to hum a tune Kaylie recognised as one she’d been working on the last time they’d seen each other. As always, the air around him went shimmery and warm, citrus and coriander with a dash of purple, and the door winked into existence.

Gnome-sized, of course. And flamboyant and magnificent and ridiculous in an endearing way, just like him.

He opened it for her with a bow and a flourish.

“Ladies first.”

“Show-off,” snorted Kaylie, and walked in with her violin case, trusting Scanlan to bring her bag inside. Which he did, after a double take.

It was always easy to tell, from the look of the mansion, if Scanlan had spent time in Tal’Dorei recently. The layout was different, the ceiling a little lower, the hues a little softer. Some of Wax’s drawings he’d made while inside the mansion hung on the walls in frames; there were touches here and there in the decorations of Pike’s blues and Juni’s golds amongst the pinks and purples. In the foyer, a sheet of paper covered in awkward letters bigger than Kaylie’s whole hand held pride of place on a sideboard along with a plate of cookies. She immediately pilfered a couple on her way inside.

“Where’d you put my room this time?” she asked, rolling her head on her neck. Gods, it had been a long day. Make that a long week. Or a long fucking month, to be honest.

“Ground floor, west wing, couple of doors to the hot springs. I’ll make the servants get started on dinner. Give me a yell if you need anything?”

“Sure thing, thanks.”

Kaylie recognised her bedroom immediately: the door was open, welcoming her in. Scanlan had styled it the way she liked, cool and cosy but not stifling, light on the frills, with plenty of space to put her things away and all the tools she needed to take care of her violin.

The bed looked way too comfy. It was tempting to just faceplant in it and crash. But then, she reasoned, it would still be there after a long soak and a nice dinner.

She threw her bag over her shoulder, padded barefoot out of her room, and opened the second door to the left.

And paused, puzzled.

Every room in Scanlan’s mansion existed for a reason, as a conscious choice. He often changed the setup, and sometimes forgot to make a room, but a random chamber just popping up into existence for no reason was unheard of.

That… wasn’t the hot springs. It was a bedroom, by the look of it, but a bedroom that didn’t make sense.

“Hey, Scanlan?” Kaylie called out, frowning. “What’s this room for?”

She didn’t wait for an answer and stepped in slowly, taking in the dark furniture, the elegant carpet, the plants in large pots scattered across the room. The circular bed was unmade, like its owner had just stepped out. She ran her palm over the quilt, a light, fuzzy fabric meant to look like it was made from black feathers. Or maybe stylised leaves.

Something tugged at her memory.

“What room, Kay—”

The footsteps behind her came to such an abrupt stop Kaylie thought Scanlan had Dimension Doored away elsewhere. But when she looked over her shoulder, there he was, framed in the doorway like a painting and about as motionless.

He looked nothing less than stricken.

And that… was all the explanation she needed.

After the dust settled, after that last big fight, as she was recuperating in Whitestone in a bed too big for her –

(from her wounds, from dying, from coming back to life in her father’s arms with his tears in her hair and her blood on his chest)

– he had come back, bone-tired and too quiet, the smell of booze on him stronger than some of her best and worst benders, but alive. They had talked a bit about what she wanted to do, now that the world wasn’t ending any more. She had pulled him into a hug, the only way she’d found to say everything she’d wanted to say without having words pulled out of her mouth like teeth.

It was only when she had come back from a much-needed nightly stroll and found him passed out at the foot of his own bed that she had realised he hadn’t said a single word about how the fight had gone down except We won.

What they had lost – who – had come up later.

Kaylie didn’t have many clear memories of Vax’ildan. The other members of Vox Machina she’d mostly learned to know after they disbanded. With the exception of her father – and a memorable conversation with Vex’ahlia, still vivid despite the fog of alcohol (But there’s a chance we can bring him back, if you’re willing to help) – the shape they had in her mind was a product of time in a new world, one that no longer involved escaping from dragons or being kidnapped and brainwashed by an asshole god. Vax would forever belong to that former world. The only remnants she had of him were a vague silhouette in dark clothing, a sharp grin, a surprisingly soft voice.

And the taste of blood in her mouth.

The last and strongest memory Kaylie had of Vax was his scrunched up face, contorted by guilt with tear tracks on his cheeks, open hand thrust forwards as Gilmore whisked her and Cassandra de Rolo away to safety. To this day she still viciously hoped some of that guilt was for her, too.

After all, she was the one he’d killed.

And then he had died (or perhaps before and it just took a while to really take, she had never been clear on the timing), and in the process had somehow gained the power to crack Scanlan’s heart right open.

So maybe Kaylie had ambivalent feelings about the guy.

But she was also very aware that saying fuck ‘im would not help at all in this situation.

“Oh, Dad.” She shook her head, but purposely kept her voice gentle, filing down some of her sharp edges for once. “Still, huh?”

Shock rippled on his face at the sound of her voice. It made him look a little less like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“…I meant a couple of doors on the right,” he said in a small voice.

He’d sounded worse before – hell, he’d looked worse before, she had once seen his lifeless body laid out on an altar after getting ripped apart by a dragon – but something still tugged at her heart at that.

“Yeah, well. The spa can wait. What’s up with that?” She stepped towards him, telegraphing her movements, like he was a horse who might bolt if spooked. “Why did you make that room? You know that’s… that’s not a good idea, right?”

“I didn’t make it make it,” Scanlan protested with a little more life. “I just… didn’t not make it.”

“Okay, but why now?”

Silence.

Kaylie stared at Scanlan.

“You mean you don’t make it on purpose? It just pops up every time?”

“No! …Yes. Kinda? Look, the mansion’s a complicated spell, okay? It’s not even proper bardic magic in the first place. I’ve been casting it for years and I’m still not a hundred percent sure how it works.”

His eyes stayed mostly on her, but every now and then they strayed to the left, to the coverings, the bed, the plants. However his body still seemed rooted to the spot, and Kaylie was suddenly struck by a flash of insight.

“Dad, did you – have you ever actually stepped foot in there? You know, since he died?”

Scanlan went very still.

(How the hell did he manage to fool anybody, Kaylie wondered as her heart sank in her chest. How good a liar did that make him, really, that she managed to see right through him every time?)

She shook her head again.

“You haven’t, have you. Decades of making this room without even thinking about it and you never… Godsdammit, Dad.”

“I can’t, Kaylie,” he said, barely audible. “It’s not… I wouldn’t…”

Scanlan Shorthalt at a loss for words was a unique phenomenon that could be two things: downright hilarious or powerfully awkward. A very rare third kind of outcome, the instances of which Kaylie could count on the fingers of one hand and a half, was snapping your heart clean in two. And for someone like her, who prided herself on always keeping that soft, vulnerable part of herself safe from all hurt… Well, it sucked. To put it mildly.

Kaylie sighed.

Then she took her father’s hand.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot,” she said gently, and pulled him into the room.

She didn’t have to tug very hard. Scanlan stumbled after her easily. The next moment he absent-mindedly straightened his vest and looked around at the room as though he was seeing it for the first time.

The room, not the contents. It was obvious, from the way his gaze lingered on this and that, how he snorted at the sight of an armchair pillow embroidered with two tiny figures inside a giant black dragon, or smiled at a painting that depicted a bunch of cows and a giant bird, of all things, that the objects that populated the space were familiar, or at least brought up memories.

Kaylie gave him a moment, then climbed onto the human-sized (or rather half-elf-sized) bed, letting her feet dangle over the edge. The movement must have caught Scanlan’s eye; he turned, and after a while shucked off his shoes and clambered up, too.

The silence between them lasted long enough that Kaylie started to wonder whether she should summon one of the mansion’s creepy ghost servants to get herself a drink. But she had cut down on daytime drinking a lot these past few decades, particularly since Juni’s birth. Putting the kibosh on Scanlan’s meat consumption had been a gag at first – plus chicken for breakfast, lunch, and dinner got old fast – but the excuse of eating healthy to live longer had had some truth behind it. Behind the sarcasm she’d actually wanted her father to stick around, and you kinda had to stay alive for that. It had taken her a few years after that to realise that getting too fucked up too often would make her less inclined to stay alive, too.

Scanlan had stuck by the vegan diet, and Kaylie had cut down her drinking rather dramatically.

But damn if her fingers didn’t still itch for a pint, sometimes.

“So,” she said, if only to hear something. Dammit. She had counted on Scanlan being the first to open his mouth – he usually was. “That’s a nice bedroom. This bed’s comfy.”

“I should hope so,” said Scanlan, his voice almost normal by now. Almost. “Nothing but quality in my Magnificent Mansion.”

“No mirror on the ceiling in this one?”

“Nah, not this time. But I think everybody had one at some point? Gods, it’s been ages. Anyway, I made up for it. Look in the… I think it’s in the bedside table on the left.”

Against her better judgement, Kaylie shuffled to the bedside table. Inside it was a book with a title in Marquesian which in Common translated to The Lotus and the Butterfly.

She raised an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that the one with—?”

“—with beautiful traditional Marquesian illustrations going back two hundred years from the best artists in Yios, yes.”

“I was gonna say ‘the sex positions guidebook’, but sure, let’s go with that.” She shook her head. “I thought you couldn’t leave anything from the Material Plane in the mansion?”

“You can’t. I had the servants make it special from a copy I picked up once at a casino.”

“The one you got scammed in?” Kaylie asked with a grin, making Scanlan roll his eyes. She leafed through the book idly, gaze quickly flitting over text and pictures, neither really registering. “And you just. Left that in your friend’s bedside table. Like that’s not fucking weird at all.” Her head snapped back up as a thought hit her. “Wait, did you… Did you ever hook up with him, back in the day?”

In the two seconds it took for Scanlan to open his mouth, eyes wide, she decided she didn’t need to know the answer. Those two had been good friends and clearly loved each other a lot; whether sex had been involved or not was irrelevant.

She steered clear of sentiment, though, out of habit.

“Wait, don’t answer that. Sorry. Gross, shut up. Still, what the hell? Was it supposed to be some kind of prank?”

“Well, no, I… Okay, maybe just a little. Once I finally got that he and Keyleth were actually, like, A Thing, I put the book in there whenever I made the mansion. Mostly I figured they might need, uh… not exactly something to help them get it on, but just… ideas, you know? It took them long enough to realise they both wanted to boink, just thought I might aid a little in that department.”

Kaylie stared at her father, not knowing whether she might facepalm or laugh herself sick.

“Seriously.”

“Hey,” Scanlan pointed out, “it was them or Vex and Percy, and once they figured out their own shit they didn’t need any incentive to jump each other’s bones! Man, I’m still surprised they stopped at five kids and didn’t go for the full baker’s dozen.”

Once upon a time, this would’ve been a golden opportunity for her to say something scathing about accidental children. The Kaylie from three decades ago would have verbally eviscerated present-day Kaylie for letting that opportunity pass by. But then again, being her three decades ago had been fucking exhausting. Sure, she sometimes missed the viciousness she had let go of over the years, but she’d also lost some fears and gained a little peace of mind. Overall, not a bad bargain.

She settled for a snort and put the book back in the bedside table. Then she made herself comfortable on the bed, leaning back and kicking her feet a little.

Surprisingly, Scanlan didn’t add anything. He rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his arms and gazed vaguely ahead with an odd expression, for him.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hm?”

Godsdammit. Pike would be much better suited for this.

Kaylie resolutely kept her own gaze in front of her and didn’t look at him.

“You do realise it’s… okay if you don’t make this room? Maybe not next time, but like… the time after that. I don’t think he’ll mind, I mean… It’s not… It wouldn’t be betraying him is what I’m sayin’.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him turn his head towards her a little, but he remained uncharacteristically silent and still.

“It’s nice that you kept his stuff. No, I know, it’s not really his stuff, but you know what I mean – it’s, uh… it’s a thoughtful gesture. Wherever he is I’m sure he’d appreciate it. But…”

How did people do this? Say words that weren’t even spells and fixed things somehow? Her music could break and heal alike, but that last part felt closer to tying a tourniquet on a bleeding limb: a tiny thing that might keep you from dying just now, but a far cry from magic that knitted bones back together or breathed life back into corpses. She had sung away the hurt from Juni’s scraped knees or Wax’s scratched elbows a few times when her little siblings were kids. She might as well be trying to do the same now on a decades-old wound that somehow still found a way to bleed every now and then.

“But… But there’s better ways to remember him by. This is like… frozen in time. Like a museum, almost. Somehow I doubt that’s what he was about.”

“It’s not,” Scanlan muttered. Then he cleared his throat and added, without the crack in his voice this time, “I mean, yeah, he was… He was, uh.”

She pretended not to see him wipe his nose on his sleeve.

“He had… a lot going on, once he got into his thing with the Raven Queen. That messed him up for some time. But even with all that, even when he went full emo goth chicken with one foot in the grave talking about death all the frickin’ time, he was… he was alive.”

Pause; a small snort of a laugh. When he spoke again he was smiling, but his voice was less than steady again. “Never seen a dead guy so alive, when I think about it.”

Kaylie waited for him to continue. When it became obvious that nothing more was coming, she bit back a sigh, then shuffled closer.

And closer. Just close enough to lay her head on her father’s shoulder if she slumped a little.

(Ever since she’d first laid eyes on him she’d always been a little taller. That he’d never been there while she was still small enough to hold and carry was one of the things she still was angry at him about occasionally – and angry at herself for it. She was tough and strong and a grown-ass adult, godsdammit, not a bloody child.)

After a while, Scanlan laid his head against hers, giving her time to slip away if she wanted, like he usually did.

“Didn’t you want to go to the spa?” he asked quietly.

Kaylie gave a one-shoulder shrug, careful not to jostle their skulls against each other’s.

“I will. In a while.”

“I included the steam room again.”

“Good. It’s nice. Also pretty.”

“Well, you deserve the best.”

“Damn right I do,” she murmured.

Maybe he wasn’t the best father. But he certainly wasn’t the worst she’d thought he was for the first two thirds of her life. Sure, the space between their souls had its share of broken things, but in time they had built trust, and affection, and unspoken words that warmed rather than hurt.

She shifted, just enough that she could kiss his temple just above his ear – a little smaller than her own, one of the few physical traits he didn’t pass on to her – and give his hand a squeeze for good measure, lightning-quick.

Then she settled against him again before he could say anything.

The room was not haunted. In two dozen hours it would disappear, along with the rest of the house; one day it might cease to exist altogether. And maybe, between the two of them (beating hearts, warm bodies, lungs drawing breaths in tandem with one another), they could lay some old ghosts to rest.

[wildmagicplant]

feeling.... a lot of things about downfall for many reasons but one specific kind of random one is laura as the raven queen taking a pause and then saying "it is the path i chose" in response to the everlight saying that she has the hardest burden of all of them. and rembering vax's arc with the raven queen—choosing to take the raven queen's bargain to return from death, scanlan calling it a brave choice (i don't know whether i think scanlan meant it but it's the words that interest me here), the final moments where all of vox machina tried everything they could think of to persuade the raven queen to let him go and vax made it very clear that he had accepted this and was prepared for it. it wasn't his choice to start with but it was his choice by the end, and the echoes of that through time as the raven queen (specifically as laura) says it of her own path

[edelgarfield]

okay actually putting all the CR3 stuff aside to talk about Vax. for the record I haven't seen TLOVM and this is purely concerning Vax in CR1, and will completely spoil the end of the show.

I love Vax. He was always one of my favorites & I love Liam as a player.

He also fucking infuriates me & I think is the perfect example of a "Selfish Sacrificial Hero Archetype." I don't hold Vax fully accountable bc I think this can be partially attributed to Liam's playstyle & how Liam views the game. But I also know IRL Liam was going through a very hard period of his life and not to be parasocial I think some of Vax's behavior absolutely reflects that.

Vax's Achilles heel was his willingness to throw himself on any sword he can find to save the people he loves. Which seems noble on the surface, except he repeatedly puts himself on the chopping block when there is absolutely no need to. One of the most pivotal moments in his arc, the thing that set him up to become the Raven Queen's champion, was a deal that NO ONE ASKED HIM TO MAKE. He literally offers himself in Vex's place when there was no need to do that. When that is an incredibly selfish choice to make.

Imagine if the Raven Queen HAD taken Vax's life in exchange, which was his original intent in the first place. Do you think Vex would have been happy with that? Fuck no. It's this constant prioritization of his friends at the expense of his own life, in DIRECT OPPOSITION to his friends' wishes. Vax is not saving his friends for their benefit, he's saving ("saving”) his friends bc HE can't live without them & I think there's a huge difference between those two. IMO he ultimately Does Not Care that his friends love him & that they'll grieve him if he were to die in their place, he only cares about HIS grief and HIS guilt. It's selfishness masquerading as love.

We don't know what would have happened if Vax hadn't become the Raven Queen's champion bc he never once tried or considered getting out of the shitty deal he made for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fitting & tragic & it's a story about believing so wholly that you have no future that you make it come true. (again putting all the CR3 stuff aside) And I do think he found some happiness & peace in being her champion, but I also think a lot of the Raven Queen's beliefs confirmed & enabled the self-destructive behavior that Vax exhibited long before she was on his radar.

Personally, I don't know if Vax ever fully believed or committed to living a happy life with Keyleth. Or even if Vax did, I don't think LIAM ever did. I think Vax/Liam were always attached to the idea of dying a tragic heroic death and that's ultimately what led Vax to walking into his own demise at the expense of everyone that loves him. Vex & Keyleth were able to accept his death & live on, but I don't think Vax could have ever done the same & that KILLS me.

I know I'm being harsh. But I watched this happen in real time, over the course of years, hoping & hoping that somehow, some way Vax would get his happy ending, watching my favorite character, Keyleth, mourn their relationship LONG before it ended, seeing what it did to her & everyone else to love someone who was so, so, SO willing to die for them but never once tried living for them. IMO there were a thousand different off-ramps that Vax could have taken to avoid what happened to him & he ignored every single one. And LIVING through that grief & dread & anger completely changed how I view heroes & self-sacrifice & self-destruction.

I adore Vax, he will always be one of my favorites, but part of me will never forgive him for gracefully & peacefully accepting his death loooooong before he died instead of fighting tooth & nail for a life with the people who would suffer if he were gone thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[hello-eeveev]

Okay okay I’ve seen some takes regarding Orym on twitter (specifically about his relationship to Laudna) that I feel the need to refute but I have a lot of thoughts and also I don’t want to get into fights so hi tumblr! rant below the cut 😊

(tl;dr I think the bell’s hells are doing the best they can in a series of complicated situations, but people are expecting a kind of inter-party conflict to come from it that doesn’t line up with the text and I don’t get it, so I guess I must become Orym’s #1 defender, feat. a defense of the c3e63 decision, Ludinus Da’leth hate, and big big feelings about Keyleth and Vax)

Take: Orym is uncomfortable with Laudna’s weirdness/creepiness, as evidenced by him always bringing it up and trying to hide and obscure her undead presence.

My opinion: Laudna loves the fact that she’s creepy. She revels in it. Orym/Liam pointing it out in narration is part flavor text, part acknowledging an important aspect of Laudna. It’s like how he always makes sure everyone knows that Orym is Small. Not to mention, Marisha brings it up in her narration as much as Liam does.

During Laudna’s resurrection ritual, Orym says, “I don’t know what Bell’s Hells will be without your darkness, Laudna. Or your light.” He values both sides of her!

Regarding Orym’s disguises for Laudna (i.e. dressing her in white in bassuras, adding flowers to her hair to give her more color in hearthdell), again I don’t think this is a sign of Orym’s discomfort with her. Remember, Orym is a bodyguard. His job is to protect others, protect the group. Yes, several members of Bell’s Hells will draw eyes, but notably, Laudna—being undead-ish, with the Unsettling Presence feature and a canonically scary physical appearance—might strike fear into others. And fear makes people more willing to resort to violence than, say, being surprised by the presence of a robot or a faun. It’s not about making her palatable, it’s about keeping all of them safe. It’s bodyguard behavior.

Also, Orym only does this when they are actively avoiding drawing attention to themselves, and as far as I know, Laudna has only had a problem with it once.

Take: Laudna looked to Ashton and Orym for what to do during the scuffle with Bor’Dor, and Orym encouraged her to let Delilah back in, all because he’s hell-bent on revenge and thinks he can use Delilah’s power to get it. He actively disregarded Laudna’s well-being to further his own goals.

My opinion: No, she wasn’t looking to them for what to do. Marisha said it herself: Laudna was barely present. She couldn’t even hear Deni$e suggest keeping Bor’Dor alive; what makes you think she’s going to see a singular nod from Orym 15 feet away? She had already done Hunger of the Shadow, was already cloaked in the “purple-ish glowing hue that hasn’t been seen in a while,” and Matt had mentioned the heartbeat long before Liam ever said anything. Laudna had already let Delilah back in before Orym nodded and before she killed Bor’Dor. It was a horrible situation all around, but Orym did not convince Laudna to let Delilah back in for his own purposes. It is not his fault that Laudna embraced Delilah’s power or that Bor’Dor died. Laudna made her choice, as heartbreaking and conflicting as it may be, so let her live with it.

And for the record, I think they were justified in killing Bor’Dor. He attacked them with a pretty powerful spell (he did Vitriolic Sphere at its baseline 4th level, which is the second highest level spell he had) and nearly killed Prism in the process. Yes, Bor’Dor did a bit of waffling back and forth between “I’m gonna kill you!” and “just let me die,” but him being a pathetic mess is nothing new. He still tried to kill them all. If they let him live, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t try it again.

I don’t know how to impress this upon people who haven’t already gotten it from just watching the show, but the Ruby Vanguard is a bad group. Ludinus Da’leth is a bad person. He may have convinced some members that his goals are noble, but they aren’t. He is misleading people for his own gain, because guess what? The concept of free will exists even with the existence of the gods! People are allowed to worship them or not, and the gods aren’t smiting people down for refusing to worship them (otherwise Keyleth would be long dead, y’all. she said out loud to the champion of the raven queen that they should use her power while it benefitted them and then find a loophole to get Vax out of her service. and she is so valid for that. 15/10 would do the same).

We had a PC, a dozen or so NPCs, and an entire arc last campaign—and then a whole 4-part series!—that dealt with wizard hubris and its unfortunate consequences. Ludinus was one of those NPCs! What makes you think that Mr. “let’s steal a holy artifact and instigate a war” “should try friends sometime” “Essek looks forward to never seeing his face again” “Trent Ikithon can keep abusing children it’s not my problem” Da’leth suddenly has people’s best interests in mind?

He and the Ruby Vanguard need to be stopped, and Orym, being a person whose driving motivation is “to protect,” is willing to do what needs to be done, even when it sucks.

Take: ooohoohoo Orym’s alignment might be shifting! We need Dorian to get him back on track!

My opinion: No? To both these statements? Firstly, Orym’s alignment isn’t shifting, at least I don’t think so. I’m not an expert on D&D alignments (I think they should be more descriptive than prescriptive/ultimately they matter less than character choices, arcs, and narratives), but I would guess that fighting to maintain the balance of nature and to stop those that would harm others for their own gain is still pretty in line with neutral good? I could maybe see an argument for that being more lawful good, but it didn’t seem like those people were talking about a shift along the horizontal axis.

Secondly, I think Dorian would do the exact same thing Orym is doing. Was that not the whole draw of the Spider Queen’s crown during ExU Prime? Power to protect and save his friends? So I don’t think Dorian would see anything wrong with how Orym is acting, much less take him to task over it.

Take: Look! Orym told Keyleth about Imogen’s mom and said “I don’t care” when Imogen complained! Bad! Mean! Selfish!

My opinion: idk that felt more like Liam being a brat to Laura than anything else.

Like, yes Liam/Orym had his own goals in that convo which were unexpected and uncomfortable, but I don’t think he was wrong to point that out. The moment Keyleth swore to take down Liliana, you could feel everyone in Bell’s Hells get really tense, and I am certain that Keyleth, who has 20 wisdom and ~30 years of experience leading her people and politicking, clocked that instantly. And Orym would have clocked that immediately, and in an effort to make sure that their group had the confidence of a very powerful druid and world leader, decided that full transparency was the way to go.

And I don’t know, this is largely speculation, but Keyleth having that information might mean that she will make sure Imogen doesn’t have to be the one to take down Liliana? Or it might make her more sympathetic and willing to show some mercy to her?

Leaning more fully into speculation bc this relies mostly on inference and assumption: while I do think that Keyleth deserves to know what’s going on with Vax, withholding that information at this juncture might have been another tactical decision from Orym. We don’t know how Keyleth has mourned over the last 30 years, but we know that she’s been angry and we know that losing Vax was and is devastating. I feel like finding out that the love of your life (“forever and ever and ever and always” “I’ll never get over you”) is suffering extreme torment such that the followers of his god are in a period of mourning, basically implying that you’ve lost him all over again, that potentially the one reassurance that you would see him again has been ripped from you, etc., etc. would cause anyone to break down on a good day. Add on the fact that Keyleth is gravely, gravely injured, and you’re basically asking for her to be completely out of commission, because 1) holy moly talk about new trauma, old trauma, grief, longing, guilt, etc. bro I’m an emotional wreck just thinking about Vax and I’m not the one living through it, and 2) that would be a lot of stress on her already extremely stressed body, the consequences of which could be very bad.

It’s a tough decision to make, and while I’m not sure I 100% agree with Orym’s, I think it’s a defensible position.

Anyway thanks for reading this far, I hope you enjoyed my analysis. Again, I don’t want to fight or get into arguments, but I’m down for some brief discussions! Emphasis on brief because I can fall into a rabbit hole very easily, which means this will be the only thing I can think of and I have other things I want to do, shadowgast to write, fearnechetney to draw, and this post already took several hours over two days to write after weeks of mental build up.

[utilitycaster]

Hi! Because I genuinely do love your take on things and every time I read through them, a new perspective that I had never even considered before makes itself known to me. So, I wanted to ask! Since Twitter (unsurprisingly) already got its hands on this discussion:

What are your feelings on the Mighty Nein being the ones to handle the Weave Mind over Bells Hells? Because for me, I always sort of knew that BH were going to be the ones to defeat Ludinus no matter what. It’s what they’ve been building up for.

However, some people say the M9 aren’t deserving of handling the Weave Mind because that was an antagonist made specifically for the Bells Hells. So, I was interested in seeing your thoughts about this (strange) discussion.

Hi anon, thanks!

I think it's great to have the Nein go after the Weave Mind, and I think, like most takes from the Twitter CR fandom, this is fucking stupid.

Given that Matt is the DM, and he's like "hey, I'm going to have a Trusted NPC call in the Mighty Nein to deal with the Weave Mind" I think the argument that the Weave Mind was made specifically for Bells Hells is not, in fact, true. The Weave Mind is an antagonist who was introduced with Bells Hells' campaign, rather like how Ludinus Da'leth is an antagonist who was introduced with the Mighty Nein's campaign and who has been the nemesis of Beau and Caleb in particular, and yet Bells Hells will be going after him in this scenario (and, to be clear, I think this is fine; I've expected Bells Hells to face off against Ludinus in the end).

I would be interested in understanding if the motivation here is "I wish the Nein were going after Ludinus and Bells Hells were going after the Weave Mind" which I think is far less interesting given that Ludinus has been such a consistent enemy of Bells Hells as well but at least I can puzzle out a not terribly intelligent but consistent sort of logic in it; or if this is a "I wish the past two parties weren't involved in this campaign at all" argument in which case, far too late for that; or if this is someone who specifically doesn't like the Mighty Nein throwing yet another tiresome and embarrassing temper tantrum on Twitter. But my opinion doesn't change; I think it's far more satisfying to see Bells Hells take on Ludinus than the Weave Mind, whom half of them haven't even met.

More generally, the idea of "doesn't deserve to fight the Weave Mind" is stupid on another level. I understand why people talk about which actual play character they wish to get the final blow on a particular enemy, even though dice will ultimately decide this. When it lines up - Vax with Thordak, Yasha with Obann - it's immensely satisfying. But you do not need to be the most wronged person to make meaning of a How Do You Want To Do This (FCG and Otohan being an obvious case here). Technically, the Volition deserves to fight the Weave Mind more! Half of Bells Hells hasn't even encountered the Weave Mind in any capacity! Braius and Dorian haven't been to the moon! Sometimes, you're fighting because it's part of, for example, a three-pronged plan that needs three separate simultaneous strike forces. Bells Hells can't do all three at once despite having claims to each of the targets unless they split up. Would you rather the parties split up in a mix of each? Because I'm not opposed per se but that could get pretty confusing all around. And if we're going to step out of the Watsonian argument that in-world, they can't do all three at once, see my next paragraph to address the Doylist "but Matt didn't need to set it up this way" one.

I am on the record as loathing the whole "it's their table and you can't criticize it because it's their game" bullshit. You can do so. You can do so even if there are very good reasons for their choices. You're always entitled to your own opinion and as long as you're not harassing people, it is morally neutral to say "this piece of fiction/art/whatever didn't do it for me," end of sentence. With that said. It's fine if people wish Campaign 3, like Campaigns 1 and 2, were more exclusively focused on one party's adventures rather than the all-hands-on-deck story that it is. But it is that story, and pretending this wasn't the result of a number of intentional choices by Matt and the cast and various collaborators is profoundly stupid at this point. I had my complaints as well, early on, but the time to get over this was episode 1, when Orym and Fearne and Dorian and Bertrand showed up with their ties to EXU and C1. Or it was episode 6, when Laudna revealed her connection to Delilah. Or episode 35, when that connection to Keyleth was leveraged. Or episode 50, when Beau and Caleb appeared; or Episode 51, when multiple past PCs were present at the solstice; or Episode 66, when we further met with Keyleth; or Episode 86, when Sending came back on and both Caleb and Jester spoke to the party; or Episode 92, when we cut back to the Crown Keepers; or Episode 94, when Essek showed up; or Episode 99, when Downfall began. If you're still holding on hope now in the endgame, I think it's too late. That's not the campaign this is, and it never was, and you can wish that you had something more self-contained like Campaign 1 or 2 but with Bells Hells, but that's all it is - a wish, unfulfilled.

[kilvalir]

kilvalir's choices works

Below the read more, you will find a compilation of all the choices content I've made so far. Beware of it lives within spoilers, not all the titles of the works ahead are spoiler-free.

Tags

These are the tags I normally use on my own creations.

Writing: #my writing Edits: #my edits Memes: #my memes Below are the tags I use for my own favourite it lives within main character, mr pink-hair up there, Vax Vũ-Verdant, and all content related to him, including those made by me, and those not made by me. Vax in general: #OC: Vax Vax with Lincoln: #Vaxlinc

Writing

A note on trigger warnings: all my writing lists any potential content warnings at the top of the work, with the work itself under a "read more" button.

1. Lincoln x MC angst fic - Heal what has been hurt (change the fate's design), part 1, part 2 2. Abel x MC ficlet - click 3. Excerpt of an unfinished Abel x MC angst - click 4. Abel x MC (ish) - a sinister Judas Kiss piece - click 5. Abel x MC joke fic - click 6. Pictures of You - ILW Main Cast Angst - click 7. In Progress Lincoln x MC Angst - part 1 8. Excerpt of a soft Lincoln x MC WIP - click 9. Little ILW MC Angst Piece - click

Edits

Another note on trigger warnings: warnings for edits are shown by caution emojis and what the warning is for, after the link. e.g ⚠️EXAMPLE ⚠️

Fake CGS and Book Covers:

1. Bashful Abel in a suit - click 2. Horror Abel - click⚠️GUNS ⚠️ 3. Horror Abel looming behind ILW MC - click ⚠️BODY HORROR ⚠️ 4. Suited Up Abel Leaning - click 5. ILW MC (Feens!) striding menacingly through an alley - click 6. Eiko x MOTY MC cover edit - click 7. Abel x ILW MC (Hilkka) reading by a tree - click 8. Blades MC (Raine) flying on a drake - click 9. Blades MC (Maiele), Tyril, and Imtura in battle - click 10. Martin Vanderweil x LOA MC edit - click

Sprite Edits (Part 1!):

1. Abel in Rowan's glasses - click 2. Sleeveless Abel with long hair - click 3. Long-hair Abel in a flower crown - click 4. ILW MC in Abel's sweater - click 5. Pirate Abel #1 - click 6. Pirate Abel #2 - click 7. Pirate Abel #3 - click 8. Horror Abel - click ⚠️BODY HORROR ⚠️ 9. Grandpa Abel - click 10. Crying Abel - click ⚠️DEATH AND ILW SPOILERS ⚠️ 11. Bearded Abel and beardless Lincoln - click 12. Merman Abel - click 13. Abel x ILW MC heist suits - click 14. Amalia dressed as her younger self - click 15. Lincoln dressed as his younger self - click 16. Beckett (TE) as a wood nymph - click 17. Lincoln as an elf - click 18. Tom as a mage - click 19. Jean Jacket Lincoln with his hair down - click 20. Nik Ryder if he was in ATV - click 21. ILW MC (Vax) lookbook - click ⚠️ILW SPOILERS ⚠️ 22. ILW MC (Vax) expressions - click 23. ILW MC (Vax) in the ILW ballroom dress - click 24. ILW MC (Vax) in an immortal desires dress - click ⚠️ILW SPOILERS ⚠️ 25. ILW MC (Rowan) as a snow queen - click 26. TE MC (Anitha) as a mermaid - click 27. Blades MC as a shadow court member - click 28. Desire and Decorum MC as a fairy - click 29. ILW MC (Vax) pride edits - click

Sprite Edits (Part 2!)

30. Lincoln x MC edits - click⚠️ILW SPOILERS ⚠️ 31. ILW MC's Goth Mom - click 32. LOA MC x Martin Vanderweil edits - click

Misc. Edits:

1. Rheya (BB) fragment piece, with the cracks removed - click ⚠️BLOOD AND BLOODBOUND B2 SPOILERS⚠️ 2. Abel Valentines Cards - click 3. Abel Moodboard - click 4. Gaius (BB) fragment piece, with the cracks removed - click ⚠️BLOOD, DEAD PEOPLE, AND BLOODBOUND B1 SPOILERS⚠️

Art

1. LOA MC x Martin Vanderweil portraits - click

Memes

1. Abel vs Horror Connor - click 2. Abel, Jocelyn, and ILW mc - someone will die... - click 3. Horror Connor when you flirt with more than one person - click 4. Abel, Annie, and mentioned MC - she thinks it's fancy? - click 5. Lincoln x MC - a smile might be nice... - click 6. Devon, Power MC - I'm literally shaking.. - click 7. Abel x MC - no principles - click 8. MC and most LIs - please sir, can I have some more? - click 9. Lincoln x MC - breakfast takes a turn - click 10. Abel and Lincoln - on the matter of sleep.. click 11. ILW MC - the key to happiness.. click 12. Abel & ILW MC - frown meme uno reverse (follow up to #5) - click

[burr-ell]

"the tendency of this fandom to only engage with what THEY want these characters to be#as opposed to what their creators are trying to do and the stories they want to tell" slap this on a bumper sticker, you just summed all cr discourse (about PCs at least) in 2 sentences

It truly is maddening (and it's not by any means exclusive to the CR fandom). The reason why the discourse always goes the way it does is that at the end of the day, the loud fanwanky people only see what they would do, if they were self-inserted into the story, as a valid choice; and they are, more broadly, fundamentally disinterested in what others think or feel. There are several examples of this, and the variety of spaces within the fandom that produce these ideas is an indicator that this isn't endemic to one specific group of people.

-Keyleth is an important character whose feelings and choices are validated by the other PCs and cast even if they still disagree with them, in spite of how she and her preachiness get in the way of the Murderhobo Jubilee? It's not because the cast are all friends and they genuinely believe Keyleth is valid and are interested in how these discussions and choices can guide the story. It's because Marisha is the DM's girlfriend, and also here's my totally unbiased theory that my pet favorite players Sam and Travis secretly hate Marisha and Keyleth.

-Vax's presence is still felt and nodded to in the post-canon VM oneshots? It's not because he was an important character who mattered. It's because Liam wants to make everyone talk about his tragedy because he has Main Character Syndrome. Scanlan Wishes for Vax to appear at the wedding? It's not because he cares about Vex or because Sam and Liam wanted a sweet tribute to Vex and Vax's relationship and by extension Liam and Laura's friendship. It's because Liam thinks Vex's life should always revolve around Vax, and Sam wants to enable him and jerk himself off as the one who facilitated it.

-Beauyasha and Fjorester become canon? It's not because the players wanted it and it happened naturally. It's because there was a secret behind-the-scenes push to "force" those ships to become canon instead, and like, Dani Carr is some sort of shipping puppetmaster who made the players do it, and "they" (whomever "they" is) decided to sink Beaujester or Widojest because it was "obviously" going to become canon before the pandemic hiatus gave them time to "make the corporate-approved ships happen".

-Beau and Caleb try to reform the Empire and dismantle the Cerberus Assembly from within? It's not because it makes sense for their stories or that people who would take this position regarding a corrupt government might have a valid perspective that differs from your own. It's because the people at Critical Role Productions LLC are all spineless neoliberal cowards who won't commit to real activism. The best activism, after all, is violent, and violent revolutions have always resulted in stable aftermaths, and the real world has never demonstrated that this mindset is foolish.

-Relatedly: Caleb doesn't kill Trent personally? It's not because the most poetic justice would be to deny Trent the thing he wants most from Caleb. It's because "Limo Brain" is too obsessed with tragedy to have the stones to do "what needs to be done".

-Asmodeus, DnD Satan, turns out to also be CR Satan? It's not because it fits with the cosmology and the lore; it's because Matt Mercer is too attached to the "establishment", and the Prime Deities should have actually turned out to be the bad guys because of my personal baggage about Western religion and Christianity they're a little mean to my blorbo sometimes.

There's a pattern here: fans had expectations that they'd built up for themselves after projecting and building up fanon and deciding what players meant before they explained themselves fully, and when the players strayed from that, they were derided for all manner of reasons. I think we're seeing that same pattern play out in C3 as the story progresses in a way that fans dislike, and in fact we have seen fanwank spread whenever someone does anything that interferes with personally catering to a) the favored ship and/or b) the favored philosophy. (Orym, Ashton, FCG, Percy, Pelor...all valid when they affirm the Fandom Opinions and all disdained when they don't.)

Don't get me wrong, I think there's a place for comfort stories that deliver a personal catharsis. And I'm not going to dismissively say "well if you want it so bad make your own" because, as an artist, I am very familiar with the fact that creating is hard and draining and sometimes you just need to consume instead. But when you become so wrapped up in yourself and your feelings to the point where your perspective is the only valid one, someone else's feels like a betrayal when it isn't. It's always "They aren't doing what we wanted and here's why they're terrible people because of it" and never "Hmm, why is this what the cast wants? Let's examine that."

This isn't a new phenomenon, but I think it ultimately stems from not assuming that other people can differ from you in major ways in good faith. There are a lot of reasons for that (some more understandable than others), but I think you rob yourself of the potential to enjoy something new when all you do is demand what you already want. No matter what you're doing or where you are in life, you tend to become a better and wiser person when you open your mind to what other people have to say, no matter how mundane the subject matter. Sometimes the stories people have to tell are challenging—and the only healthy way to deal with that is to engage with them on their own terms.

[thisisnotthenerd]

i think this could have gone a lot of ways. having a hard time with some thoughts atm. c3e77 spoilers beware.

there were some clear narrative tags pointing at fearne that others in the party picked up on, and i think that increased the tension of this moment. watching travis, marisha, laura, and liam? almost worse than the solstice with the vax orb. ashley and sam were in panic heal mode, but the others were primarily observers. the fallout from this is going to be a major narrative catalyst, no matter where it goes.

there are also strong narrative reasons for fearne to not want the shard. she doesn't want to become the dark version of herself, and right now? i understand ashley not wanting that for her character. she's one of two people in bell's hells who are making the big moral decisions for the group. orym is grieving and constantly traumatized, but still a moral core. fearne has been made the critical decision maker twice now. the chaos from her has been decreasing as others lean into it, and i think this is the kind of scenario that involves a priority reevaluation.

everyone else currently has a dark side evolution. chet dealt with his werewolf issues, but we don't know how being on the moon is going to affect that. imogen has gone nuclear before and might again depending on how moon conflict goes. laudna just had a full convo with delilah. fcg is probably hovering on the edge of stress points esp after this incident.

and what i think we've discovered with ashton here is that they have come out of self-preservation at all costs, but still make deeply selfish decisions. martyr complex? sure. but he's looking at an ancient druid and saying fuck you, i'm going to take on an unprecedented power because i believe i'm making my own destiny. despite having gone through a transformation of the type that they have fully forgotten. despite living with constant pain from already having two conflicting entities in his body.

the callowmoore talk, attraction acknowledgement, kissing and whatnot? while it was fun to watch in the moment, it still feels like just another way of convincing fearne to go along with the plan in game. he almost died in front of her. this is the kind of conflict that can permanently change/fracture relationships. i'm sure ashley and taliesin talked before about a vague plan. but seriously, mamma mia that's a spicy meatball to come back to.

what i'll say is that taliesin has been consistent with this development. ashton came out of the party split looking for the hishari, looking for their history, looking for power and a way to protect people. i do think he'd have let fearne have it if she wanted it. but the conversation around how they would do it? it felt like deeply wanting power. whatever the reason.

granted that's my read. i might have to write fic about it later. it's still their game, and they make the choices that they make. this was the culmination of several weeks of development, and no matter what the story will go on. next month's 4sd is going to be insane if taliesin or ashley is on.

[ravendruid]

Game Night

This fic is part of the Critter Genfic Bingo to fulfill the Game Night and Modern AU slots, and is set in my Gamer AU. Read on AO3

Vax’ildan rarely gets to spend his own money on games these days as they are often gently covered by his subscribers, but a new game caught him unaware, so he didn’t have time to set up a donation goal or even make a poll to ascertain interest from his followers. The plan was simple: Vax was going to record his first playthrough of the game in solo mode and finally give YouTube a try. If it got a good response, then he would ask a friend or two if they wanted to play with him on stream. However, as his plans are wont to do, everything went down the drain when he mentioned buying the game on his next stream, and chat begged him to play live. 

“Well, I guess that answers it,” Vax jokingly replied to everyone’s requests. “Let me talk to some friends and see if anyone is up for it. Hopefully, I’ll have a group for the next stream. How does that sound?”

Vax’s chat went wild with names and requests of other streamers he could ask to play with him, but the main name in common was very clear: Keyleth. It took him a while to cede to ask her, but he made no promises that he would be able to convince her to play the game. In the end, it was easier than he thought. All Vax had to do was tell his girlfriend that she could customize her character and show her the different options for races and classes, and she was in. The next challenge was finding two more people to play, which Keyleth also fixed by asking Percy, who in turn asked Vex’ahlia. So a party was formed, with Keyleth and Vax squad streaming so their viewers could watch both their points of vision.

“What are you guys playing,” Vax asks as he starts building his character. His is an easy choice to make, and he starts customizing a half-elf rogue to look slightly like him as his chat flies in approval and suggestions. 

“I think I might try a ranger,” Vex’ahlia replies. Because she’s not streaming today, the audience will have to wait to see the reveal of her character, but on Vex’s screen is a female half-elf with a ponytail braid.

“Are you going to get a bear companion and call him Trinket, dear?” Percival teases his girlfriend. Everyone in Vax and Keyleth’s audience is familiar with Trinket, Vex’s large Newfoundland dog. At almost 70 kg, Trinket’s massive form and shaggy brown hair make him resemble a bear, which is where the joke came from one day during Vex’s first streams.

“Don’t tempt me, Percival.”

“What about you, Freddie?” Vax leans back on his chair, admiring his character. 

“I’m playing a human fighter, of course.”

“Chat is asking if you’re going melee,” Vax leans in to read the questions on his screen.

“No. I’ll be ranged.”

“Keyleth, darling, what are you playing? You’re so quiet.” Vex mutters, adding piercings to her character.

“Oh? Sorry, there are so many options and hairs. It’s a lot,” Keyleth sounds and looks overwhelmed. She’s not used to playing this type of game, especially for the first time on stream. 

“It’s okay, darling. Take your time.” Vex’ahlia reassures.

One of Keyleth’s biggest insecurities about streaming a game that is so out of her comfort zone was related to how her regular audience would react to the change. She usually streams cozy games that a lot of people use for body-doubling, and she loves providing everyone with a safe environment where they can go to escape from their daily lives. An adventure roleplaying game with a lot of action, dialogues, and possibly fights is not what her target audience usually looks for. However, Keyleth was pleasantly surprised—and relieved—when the poll results came in favor of her playing the game on stream. It turned out that a lot of Keyleth’s followers were avid players of tabletop roleplaying games or were generally interested in the game itself.

Although she felt better about how her audience would respond to the new game, Keyleth was still worried about stepping out of the bubble that shielded her from trolls. With a much more popular game being streamed—adding the fact that she is a woman with her camera on—Keyleth still couldn’t shake the fear that something bad could happen during the streams, which is why she recruited her best moderators, Pike and Grog, who were more than happy to stay on the sidelines and keep everyone on track.

“Okay, I think I’m done. Sorry, it took me so long,” Keyleth finally announces an hour after the stream starts. On her screen is a female half-elf druid with space buns and braids almost as red as Keyleth’s hair. She quickly reads the chat and smiles at everyone’s compliments about her character, most saying how fun her hair looks.

“No problem, love. Is everyone ready?” Vax asks. Everyone agrees, so they quickly name their characters after themselves before they move on to the next screen.

“We have to make another one?” Keyleth shouts, raising her hands to her head. On everyone’s screen is another character whose race and appearance can also be customized.

“What the fuck is a guardian,” Vex’ahlia asks, going over the different races available.

“I think it’s someone who will protect you and keep you alive,” Vax explains, quickly building a generic male elf. “You don’t have to fully customize them if you don’t want to. Just pick a race and whatever you want them to look like, I guess.”

“Yeah, right…” Keyleth looks distraught at her screen. “You know what… Chat, pick a race,” Keyleth asks. Her chat window quickly fills up with people firing races: there are a few elves, some asking for a dwarf, and a couple of people asking for a Githyanki, but the majority of the requests seem to be Drow, which is the preset anyway. It doesn’t take everyone a long time to finish building their guardians, and finally, the game begins. 

A lot of fun is had for the next few hours: Vax steals everything he can get his hands on (and flirts with the vampire NPC), a wizard is saved from a portal, and the group goes through their first dungeon, the overgrown ruins of an old temple where they find a sarcophagus in a dank crypt.

“Guys, I found a sarcophagus. Do you think it has a treasure inside?” Vex’ahlia asks. 

“We should investigate,” Percy crosses the threshold and waits for Vex to join him before he continues. 

For some reason, neither of them notices the notification in the corner that says they failed several perception checks, so once Vex’s character is by Percy’s side, he opens the lid to the tomb, making several explosions go off and fire erupt in the chamber.

“Vex’ahlia!” Percy screams in real life, jumping out of his chair so fast it tumbles back and hits the wooden floor with a loud thud. 

“I’m alright, darling,” Vex reassures him from the room next door, cackling at her boyfriend’s reaction. Her and Percy’s portraits on the left side of the screen are gray with a skull symbol next to them, indicating both characters are dead.

“What the fuck happened? I was gone for thirty seconds,” Vax shouts, sitting on his chair. He had just gone to the kitchen really quickly to grab some water for himself and Keyleth when he heard Keyleth’s screams.

“When was the last time you saved, brother?” Vex manages to ask, still laughing. 

“Right before we walked into this room.” Vax shakes his head, unamused. “Are you okay, Freddie?”

“Ye–yeah, I think so. That was—” Percy draws a long breath and releases it slowly, and when he speaks again, his heart has slowed, and his voice is back to normal, “—unexpected.”

Once Vax reloads the game, he goes through the room ahead of everyone to make sure he disarms every trap before they loot the sarcophagus. “Let this be a lesson about greed, everyone,” He jokes once the valuables are successfully stashed in his inventory.

Because one tragedy doesn’t come by itself, not long after, the party is suddenly ambushed by undead skeletons, making Keyleth scream in panic as her character gets knocked unconscious by one before she gets a turn to do anything. 

“I don’t think we’re strong enough to defeat these guys,” She cries.

“Yeah, we are, look.” Vax’s character appears next to Keyleth’s and stabs the skeleton that attacked her twice, leaving it with two HP. “I’ll always be here to save you, Kiki.” Vax’ildan being cheesy with his girlfriend on stream is not news, but it still manages to send both their chats over the edge. This will surely make the next fanmade supercut.

“Alright, lovebirds. Shall we kill these assholes, then?” Vex teases them. 

The battle doesn’t draw long once Keyleth’s character is back up—still at one HP, but up nonetheless—and this time, when they find another sarcophagus, the group allows Vax to spearhead the party.

“Well, that was fun, right, everyone?” Vax asks a few minutes later, once they get a new NPC ally and discover an arcane book that they put away to ask their wizard friend to check later. 

“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting it to be so fun,” Keyleth admits, leaning back in her chair and pulling her hoodie up. She can feel her battery draining fast. They have been streaming for a few hours longer than what she usually streams for, and her body is already reacting to it. 

“Even when I died,” Vex’ahlia jokes, petting Trinket’s head on her lap. She’s glad she’s not on camera today. Her hair is a mess and she’s wearing a stained t-shirt she stole from Percy’s drawer. 

“I did not like that part at all,” Percy chimes in, combing a hand through his shock-white hair and making it messier than it was.

“Just be glad I saved right before you two dingus went and set all the traps off,” Vax rolls his eyes at his sister and her boyfriend. His gaze darts over his screen to Keyleth’s stream, and he sees her bury herself in her hoodie and pull her knees up to her chest. For others, it might look like she’s just cold and getting comfortable, but Vax knows she’s overwhelmed and overstimulated, and she needs to relax, so he seamlessly brings the stream to an end with the promise of another one very soon.

More adventures await this group of chucklefucks, many mistakes and perception check failures that lead to not-so-good results, a lot of flirting with NPCs—Vax finds himself torn between the Vampire and the Wizard—and even a few not-safe-for-work unexpected scenes that make Keyleth slide down her chair and hide under her desk. At the end of the day, there is no denying that game night in general, and the new game in particular, is a huge success overall, and that everyone has plenty of fun playing and watching it.