#van McCann x reader

[your-divine-ribs]

Heat

Words: 3.4k

Summer holiday balcony sex // it’s really dirty ☀️❤️☀️

Imagines Masterlist Main Masterlist

It's hot. That cloying kind of heat that clings to you like a stifling blanket, the air thick with a choking mugginess that makes it hard to settle and impossible to sleep.

You elongate your limbs in a feline stretch as you roll over in bed, causing your boyfriend's hand which had been draped over your hip to fall away. You'd normally be pressed up tightly against him as you slept but you'd naturally pulled apart tonight, so hot and sticky that you couldn't bear the additional warmth of each other's body heat.

You're both naked, having shed every layer to try and find respite from the unrelenting heatwave but it's inescapable. You toss and you turn, the thin linen sheets sticking to your clammy skin, cursing the fact that the air conditioning unit in your holiday apartment had decided to pack up working tonight of all nights. Just when the punishing temperatures had risen to a unprecedented peak, transforming the balmy nights into something wholly unbearable.

A breeze whispers into the room through the open balcony doors, it's still warm but it's a tiny reprieve and you instinctively rise up from the bed, turning towards the source. Van stirs on the bed at your movement but he doesn't wake, he just lets out a soft snore through his slightly parted lips, his long limbs spread-eagled out on the crumpled sheets. You take a moment to admire him, the way the silvery glow of the moonlight catches his striking features, the light sheen of sweat glistening on his naked skin. You consider climbing back on to the bed to rouse him from the depths of sleep with a few strategically placed kisses, but again you feel the tantalising Mediterranean breeze caressing your skin and the temptation for relief from the humid atmosphere in the apartment bedroom is just too strong.

The night is quiet save for the distant muted sounds of late-night revellers spilling out of bars on the main strip. You'd purposely booked this apartment complex a few streets away from the hustle and bustle, favouring a quieter spot tucked away, an idyllic slice of Iberian paradise where the two of you could kick back and reconnect after your busy lifestyles had taken their toll.

You step forward but hesitate on the threshold when you realise that you've not picked up your silk robe to wrap around your naked frame, but then in an uncharacteristic rush of boldness you shuffle forwards anyway. A thrill sparks in you as you quickly glance around, surveying the quiet neighbouring apartments shrouded in darkness. It doesn't look like there's any signs of life, but that's not to say that another guest won't see you out here, completely naked, standing on your apartment balcony, bold as brass. You giggle quietly to yourself. You're certainly not a prude but it's not at all like you to be so daring. There's just something about the idea that someone might catch sight of you like this that's kind of turning you on. Not to mention that it feels totally liberating.

Emboldened by your braveness you step even further out, placing your hands on the railing and looking out into the night. It's a beautiful view in the daytime but somehow it's even more breathtaking now, almost magical the way that the luminescence from the moon's glow coats everything in a silvery lustre. Crickets chirrup in the grasses below you, palms sway gently in the breeze and the pool water below shifts lazily like cascading sequins.

"Bloody 'ell! What you doing out 'ere starkers?"

Van's shocked voice suddenly cuts through the peaceful quiet, making you jump. You hadn't even realised that he'd woken up. You whirl around quickly, instinctively covering yourself with your hands even though you're not usually shy around him.

"I was just getting a bit of air... it's too hot to sleep. I... forgot my robe..."

You can see his lips quirk up into a smile as his eyes trail down over your nakedness. "I'm not complaining love... just wasn't expecting it, that's all. I didn't have you pegged as an exhibitionist!"

He folds his hands across his chest, leaning back against the door frame, still appraising you.

"I'm not!" You protest, giggling, letting your hands fall to your sides to allow Van's eyes to roam over all of you. Predictably they do.

"Really? So you're not out here flashing the neighbours then? You'll give that old guy we saw round the pool earlier a heart attack if ya not careful!"

You allow him a mischievous grin, pushing your shoulders back as you rest an elbow on the railing to lean against it. It's a casual pose even though you feel anything but, worrying that Van's loud voice might draw attention to you both up here. He's naked too, although he'd be partially hidden from prying eyes by his proximity to the apartment doorway. You, however, would be on full display.

"Keep your voice down!" You whisper, still giggling. "No one's out here to see anyway. And I'm definitely not an exhibitionist... not like you!"

His eyes widen as he presses a hand against his chest. "Me? Never!"

"Yes you," you smirk back at him. "What was that in the pool earlier? 'Oh whoops, my trunks seem to have just slipped off!' Yeah, right!"

You indicate the water below you, replaying the humorous scene in your mind from earlier when Van was bragging about his diving skills and had pleaded with you to watch him. How he'd plunged into the pool skilfully only to surface moments later holding aloft his swimming trunks that had somehow become completely separated from his body. The gasps of surprise from two middle-aged ladies who undoubtedly got an eyeful as Van had whirled his trunks around his head proudly whilst you'd captured the whole hilarious incident on camera.

"I told you those trunks were too big when ya bought 'em for me," he sniggers.

You shake your head, trying to stifle more laughter. "Bloody liar... they fit perfectly. You just love getting your kit off in public. Reckon you get a kick out of it."

Van pushes his body off from the doorframe, taking a step towards you. "Says the girl standing out here with not a stitch of clothing on for all the world to see..."

You straighten up to lean with your lower back against the railings as he approaches, looking up at him with a glimmer of a challenge in your eye. "Well... you're not exactly fully dressed, are you?"

He comes to a stop just inches away, looking down on you. "Maybe we're both as bad as each other then." His hands move forward simultaneously to grip the railings on either side of your hips, caging you in. Your breath catches as he presses his body forward and your hips meet. "Maybe we're both turned on by the risk... the thought that someone could catch us at it... the thought that someone could be watching us right now..."

His whispered words take that low and sultry tone he uses when he's trying to seduce you, and boy does it work. You stay quiet, looking up at him through your lashes, purposefully coyly as he moves a hand to catch your jaw, wrapping his fingers only gently around your throat. Your pulse quickens.

"I think maybe you'd quite like that... am I right?"

"It does kinda turn me on," you admit, pressing your pelvis forward to lightly grind against him, the unmistakable feeling of his stiffening cock setting off a glow of heat at the apex of your thighs. "But we can't do anything out here... there's no way. Anyone could see..."

Even as the words leave your mouth you're aware that they carry no conviction. You're already flicking through scenarios of what might happen, imagining his hot breath panted against your skin, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as he spread them wide and took you right here and now for the whole world to see if they cared to look.

"We can do whatever we like babe," he breathes, lips hovering just inches above yours as he leans over you, pressing your body back against the railings so it arches up towards him. "I could turn you around right now and have you over this balcony if you wanted me to. Fuck into you nice and slow and deep, make you moan out loud for me so everyone knows just how good it feels. Would you like that, huh?"

"Oh my god," you gasp, arousal pooling between your thighs as he pushes his hips against you even harder, his now hard cock trapped between your two bodies. The stickiness of the heat just makes everything seem more charged, the slickness from your combined sweat creating a delicious slippery friction between you.

"Come on love," he urges, his fingers flexing around your throat, squeezing firmly enough to give that pressure you crave, tempting you further. "Wanna fuck you so bad... right here, right now."

It's shameless, the effect he has on you. The way your body reacts almost autonomously to his attentions. You're insatiable for him and he's only too eager in his mission to try and sate you, the perfect partners in crime. With no further encouragement you're already twisting your body, letting him spin you around so your hips are now pushed firmly against the hard metal, prone against it as he slides a foot against one of yours, nudging your legs wide apart. There's a small ledge that you've stepped up to balance on, bringing you up to the perfect height to be aligned with him.

His hands skate over your hips, curling around them, tightening their grip as he pulls you back to grind against him. Your skin's so hot, on fire, burning with the same feverish desire that's simmering between your thighs.

"Van..." you whimper, pushing your ass back against him, feeling the sharp jut of his hips. "Need you..."

His lips go to your neck, sucking hot, wet kisses, his teeth nipping at your skin with a pressure that makes you gasp. "I'm here baby... I got you."

One of his hands snakes forward from your thighs, the roughness of his calloused fingers brushing against your folds, making you shudder. He's in no mood to tease tonight, two of his skilful fingers easing straight into you knuckle deep, twisting and scissoring inside you, working you open for him.

"You're so wet for me already," he mutters into the skin of your neck. "Is this what it does to you eh? The thought that someone could be out there, watching us?"

"Yeah," you whimper needily, your hands tightening their grip on the metal railings as he pushes his fingers even deeper inside, seeking that heavenly spot that makes you mewl for him.

"You dirty girl," he chuckles throatily, thrusting his fingers in and out, again and again, sliding so easily against your slick heat, your knees knocking against the balcony wall. "We'll give 'em something to watch then shall we?"

God, how you love the feel of his fingers inside of you. They're so long and slender, and he knows how to use them so well. How to angle them just right to make you clench around him, when to add another digit, the precise curve to curl them at to make your legs shake. You're already moaning softly for him when all of a sudden he withdraws them, making you whine from the loss of fullness for a second until they're replaced by the head of his cock, velvety smooth and hard as rock, begging for entrance.

He mutters your name as his thick shaft nudges into you. He feels so big in this position it almost feels like he could split you in two. You bite down hard on your lip to stifle a choked cry, tasting something metallic. He pushes into you with purpose, filling you up until you're sure you can feel him in your stomach.

"Fuck... fuck... fuck," you hiss, loving the burn of the stretch, knowing that after this you'll be able to feel him for days. He stills inside you, letting you become accustomed as your walls clench and flex around him, his body curved tightly over yours, enveloping you.

"Feels so good... so perfect... you're so fucking tight babe," he utters, his mouth hot on the skin of your shoulder, his teeth sinking lightly into your flesh as he pulls his hips back and sinks into you again.

His thrusts are slow and languid, unhurried and precise, a throaty groan emanating from him each time he bottoms out. It feels blissful but you crave something darker and more urgent, desire dulling your usual hesitance, the notion of being taken roughly in this most compromising of positions chasing away your inhibitions.

"Fuck me hard... please," you beg, elongating your neck to tip your head back to rest on his shoulder, bracing your body for what's to come.

"Oh babe," he growls into your neck, fingers digging harder into your hips as he draws back to thrust into you again. "I'll fuck you so hard everyone in this apartment block's gonna know my name by morning."

His hips suddenly piston against you with force, a choked whine bursting from you from the impact, your own hips knocking harshly against the railings. It feels so good, so raw, so fierce. One of his hands darts up to curl around your throat, pinning you up tightly against his body, the other slips down to rub messy circles around your clit.

The muggy heat of the night is oppressive and thick, your bodies drenched with sweat. You're trapped between his rutting hips and the unrelenting metal railings, gripping on to them for dear life as he takes control of your body, on display for anyone who might care to look up on this most beautiful clear and cloudless night. The sky's deep ink with an array of softly twinkling stars, like diamonds have been scattered across black velvet.

Your body jolts each time he pounds into you, the stillness of the night punctuated by his gravelly grunts of exertion and the slap of his sweat soaked hips colliding with yours. His strokes get deeper, harder when you beg him keenly for more.

"Oh god yeah... just like that," you whimper, unable to stem your sounds of pleasure, your tits bouncing as he slams into you, your mind fracturing as his cock butts up against your g spot with blissful precision over and over.

He knows you're close already, he can feel the tell-tale tremors in your body, the way your cunt clenches tightly around his cock, milking his own oncoming high. You're both lost in each other, minds fogged over with how good it feels, unmindful of where you are, and how public it is, and how fucking loud you're both being.

"Ah fuck... ‘m gonna come... can't hold on," he groans, his fingers flicking quick, slippery strokes over your sweet spot, your hips grinding back into his pelvis each time he slams into you. You're chasing your orgasm, desperate and needy as you feel a spark of white hot pleasure ignite deep down in your core.

And then it's too much all at once, his tightened grip on your throat, the feel of him hot and hard and pulsing inside you, his impassioned groans in your ear as he lets himself go. You feel something stretch taut and snap in an explosion of shuddering bliss, your knees going weak as he secures you tightly against his body, fucking up into you with a few final thrusts as you feel his release spurting deep inside.

He slumps heavily against you, heart thundering against your spine as your head hangs between your shoulders, panting whilst you catch your breath.

"Jeez, it's so fucking hot," he breathes out heavily, pressing a kiss to the damp, sticky skin of your shoulder. "Feel like I'm gonna pass out after that."

"Tell me about it, I feel so faint... and I think my legs are gonna give way in a minute!"

You laugh shakily, feeling him start to soften inside as he pulls out, the warm trickle of his seed immediately coating the inside of your thighs.

"Ughh I need a shower so bad," you add, turning around in his arms to reach up and plant a small kiss on his jaw, then his cheek, then his full lips which are pulled into the widest, cheekiest grin. "You certainly look happy with yourself," you observe, smiling back, draping your hands over his shoulders to support yourself on your shaky legs.

"Of course I'm happy, I'm on holiday with my gorgeous girlfriend, I'm having the best time, life's pretty much perfect right now..." he pauses, his smile getting even wider and more mischievous, his eyebrows dancing upwards in amusement. "And... even better... I've just discovered another one of your kinks."

"What the hell you talking about?" You giggle, trying to inch Van back into the privacy of your apartment after your wanton display out here on the balcony, your shyness trickling back as the heat of passion subsides.

"Fucking in public places," he announces proudly and loudly, yelping as you slap your hand hard against his bare chest, urging him to "shhhh be quiet, will you?"

"I knew it," he continues, undeterred as you both stumble back into the airless apartment. He catches hold of your hand and starts tugging you towards the bathroom. "I knew you had a thing for it! When you dragged me off to the toilets at that party at Benji's the other night you were like a bloody wild animal!"

You roll your eyes playfully. "Oh I hardly had to drag you... you were well up for it."

"I'm sure everyone knew what we were up to," he chuckles as you both make for the shower, bare feet slapping on the tiled floor. He reaches in and twists the tap, sighing at the relief of the cool water which quickly cascades down on you both as you quickly step in. "And I'm always up for it with you... and I gotta admit, it is a proper rush doing it in risky places. Like the thrill of someone catching you at it just makes it a million times hotter."

"That's exactly it!" You agree, then you bite back a shy giggle, your cheeks glowing with embarrassment. "And I know it sounds really weird, but it kinda turns me on thinking that someone could be watching us... like secretively... oh god now I've said it, it sounds well bad!"

You raise your hands up quickly to hide your scarlet cheeks which are glowing furiously but Van quickly pulls them away, his eyes widening in delighted surprise. "You're a proper kinky bitch you are Y/N! It's all coming out now!"

"Oh my god, I can't believe I just admitted that!" You drop your head down, laughing, embarrassed, but Van won't let you hide away, his hands cupping your cheeks, tipping your face upwards.

"No... no... don't be shy, I love it!" He grins, shaking his head, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to your lips. "You know, we still have six days left of this holiday... and who knows what mischief we could get up to." His hands curl around your hips as he manoeuvres you in the small shower cubicle until your back's pressed up against the tiles, an exaggerated thoughtfulness on his features as you can see the cogs turning in his mind. "There's the swimming pool, and those little beach huts... and the actual beach of course... I've always wanted to shag on the beach. There's those sand dunes along that stretch behind the apartments..."

You laugh, scrunching up your face as your thoughts go to an awkward fumble with an ex on a beach in Devon years ago. "You don't want to shag on the beach... trust me... the sand... it gets everywhere!"

Then you're both laughing out loud, blurting out ridiculous places, each one more daring and impractical than the last, trying to outdo each other as you wash away the heat of the night.

Did anyone catch the reference to this moment? 😂

[imwriting0verhere]

Painful Memories

This picture and my little chat with @icouldntfindquiet about Van shaving inspired this story. I hope you will like it as much as I do ❤️

You hear soft humming coming out of the open door of the en suite bathroom and you quickly and quietly make your way over. Stepping into the room you lean against the doorway and just admire Van for a moment. He’s freshly showered with the soft fluffy towel slung low around his hips, some leftover droplets of water still evident on his skin. His long hair is freshly washed and combed, cascading down his back, his natural curls slowly starting to reappear. Just as he’s about to start lathering his face with shaving foam, his eyes find yours in the reflection of the mirror and it makes your breath hitch for a moment before you gently smile at him, to which he sends you a cheeky wink before saying “You gan stand there all morning then love?” 

Being caught right out you sheepishly bow your head as you make your way over to him, wrapping your arms around his middle and burying your face into the warm skin of his back. You just stand there for a moment, both of you taking the other in and enjoying the closeness. As you gently start placing small kisses onto his shoulders and back you mumble to him  “I didn’t expect to wake up in a cold bed this morning”

Another kiss placed right behind his ear as he turns his head to the left to grand you better access. You take the opportunity to place one last kiss onto his still stubbly cheek and then rest your chin on his shoulder. “I missed you” you whisper and press your nose into his neck, inhaling the fresh scent of the shower gel as well as something so familiar and homey that is just Van.

Not able to wait any longer he quickly lifts his arm to gently pull you underneath so that you’re standing in front of him and he can properly look at you now. Cupping your face with the outmost care as if you’re some precious gem he lowers his own face close to yours and skims his soft lips across the skin of your cheek in the most featherlight of touches. Leaving a trail all the way down to your neck, the sensation so heavenly and gentle that your eyes fall shut and the tiniest of whimpers leaves your slightly parted lips.

“I’m sorry love, I just didn’t want to wake you just yet” he starts kissing up your chin and right as he reaches your awaiting lips he tells you “I missed you too. It’s been so boring without you” to which you blink open your eyes again and see him crack a silly grin. But before you have time to respond he finally connects his lips with yours and it takes your breath away. You’re hanging on to his every move and as he softly swipes his tongue into your mouth you need to grab hold of him to steady yourself, your legs becoming weak the longer he performs his magic on you.

You have to part from him all breathless and a bit lightheaded. God this man knows exactly how to push your buttons and turn you to putty in his hands.

Kissing your forehead and lifting you up, to your surprise, to sit you next to the sink on the bathroom counter, he gets back to his task at hand. Squirting some of the shaving foam into his hand and gently rubbing it onto his face. You’re enjoying the comfortable silence you’re sitting in right now, just looking at your man and admiring. Getting to enjoy slow mornings like this with him is one of your favourite things.

While the band was still touring like crazy Van had the worst sleep schedule and to this day you never understood how he could function on just four hours of sleep. But when you two started seeing each other and things in the band got quieter, you were able to keep him sleeping for longer and actually enjoy waking up with you after a good 7 or 8 hours. And you cherish that every morning.

“Do you think we could go to the shopping centre today and start on our Christmas shopping? I really don’t want to be late again this year” you softly say into the quiet of the room. 

“What’s that supposed to mean, eh?” he raises his eyebrow challengingly and looks down at you with a grin, knowing full well what you’re referring to.

“Oh I don’t know” you accept the challenge and answer sarcastically “Maybe I just don’t want to have to run around the shops on Christmas Eve again looking for something to buy your mum, and only ending up with a bloody box of chocolate pralines and a bobble hat that she won’t wear” you end your sentence with a teasing little flick of your fingers against his hip bone to which he flinches and rolls his eyes at you “Stop! You little brat“ he warns you but there is no anger or actual threat in his voice. “Can we actually go over to Mum and Dads afterwards? We haven’t been yet this week and it would be just in time for Ma’s roast I reckon” 

“Yeah sure” you smirk to yourself and pull him closer to you by wrapping your legs around his hips and then pressing a gentle kiss onto his naked chest.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise by now, the man is obsessed with him mums cooking. And even though your cooking and the meals you and Van make together are a close second, nothing will ever beat her Sunday roast including the all important Yorkshire pudding. 

After the next swipe of the razor over his skin you gently grab hold of his wrist to stop him. “Let me help you” you say just above a whisper and take the razor out of his hands. You rinse the suds off in the sink and then ever so softly grab the back of his neck to bring him close. Positioning the blade right by his chin were he left off and scraping it softly over the stubbled skin. Van happily leaves you to it, trusting you with his life he knows that there is absolutely no chance that you would hurt him or be careless with his delicate skin. He even puts his hands on both sides of you to cage you in on top of the counter and it strangely makes you feel very safe and you can feel the heat radiating off of him. You also feel his intense gaze on you and after moving the blade off his face to rinse one more time, you turn back to him and return his loving gaze. Moving some strands of his long soft locks away from his face you leave a kiss on the side of his chin that’s freshly shaved, whispering an “I love you” onto his skin before concentrating on the last bit of shaving foam-covered facial hair. It’s the most delicate part on his face, a softly faded but still visible red scar that’s running along his lower left cheek right beneath his bushy sideburn.

~

You still remember the day it happened. You had been in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher while waiting for the kettle to boil so you and Van could enjoy a nice cup of afternoon tea. He was only a few doors down in his little home studio, pottering around, putting music sheets away and organising his guitars so the newly purchased little piano could finally fit into the room and won’t have to awkwardly occupy your bedroom any longer. Everything was going well until you heard clattering followed by a yelp and some angry cussing to which you instantly called out to him and made your way over to check on Van as you hadn’t gotten any response. The sight you walked in on made you gasp and rush over to his side. He was sitting on the carpet in the midst of his instruments. “Omg are you okay?” Kneeling down beside him and taking his face into your hands to further inspect what you had spotted from afar.

“Think so. I just bloody tripped over the stupid amplifier cable. Stupid mess in here” he continued grumbling, but weirdly didn’t mention any pain.

“Van, you’re bleeding!” you tilted his face so the few little droplets of crimson wouldn’t fall and mess up his shirt or the carpet. “Does that not hurt? God it doesn’t look too good babe” you whined. You got up from your kneeling position and helped him up as well. “Let’s get this cleaned okay. Worry about the stuff in here later” you rushed out, getting really worried that the bleeding wouldn’t stop and Van to get lightheaded. You pulled him out of the room and towards the kitchen. As you passed the hallway mirror he got a glance at his injury and quickly paused to inspect it himself. “Oh shit! I didn’t expect it to be this bad” he gasped “I can’t even really feel it”. “It’s probably the adrenaline masking the pain. What even happened love?”.

Before you could pull him away he raised his hand and touched his injured skin, wincing at the contact and his fingertips coming back red. You huffed and finally pulled him towards your kitchen island were he could take a seat. You had instantly gotten to work, slightly wetting some kitchen roll and cleaning up the blood that had slowly started drying around the wound as he told you what happened “I was just walking around putting some of the equipment away and the guitars back on the stand and tripped backwards over a cable. I didn’t have time to hold on to anything so fell flat on my arse” you had tried to keep a straight face and not laugh at him, but Van was such a clumsy klutz that he had many of those stories to share over the years. It was actually a miracle that he had no real injuries prior to this day. “Okay but that doesn’t explain this does it” you gently wiped over the spot one last time, all cleaned now. His skin was still an angry red and you could see where it was torn open a bit. With the smallest of grins you glimpsed up at him, trying really hard to suppress any further facial expression, knowing full well he’d already be embarrassed enough at this. He was still in the midst of trying to process himself what just happened “Well surrounded by guitars, this one was just too close and I scraped down on the tuner or string ends with my face”

“Aww poor baby” you pouted up at him “Maybe I should disinfect it if the dirty metal strings were cause of this”

“This isn’t funny yeah. What if I’ll look like the joker for the rest of me life?” He asked exasperated, reminding you of a young boy throwing a fit. But you also understood his concern. Van had always struggled with some of his physical features and this could mean another insecurity. Even though he’s perfect in your eyes and has nothing to worry about, you always make sure to tell him as much. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sure it will be fine darling.” you told him genuinely, cupping his face and placing featherlight kisses onto the red mark. 

You two had gone to the emergency room just in case but they reassured you that he wouldn’t need stitches and everything would heal naturally. It took some time and patience, and definitely longer than Van would like, but the scar that had formed was already well on its way to heal and you’re sure that it will be fully healed next year.    

~         

You’re just now finishing up, running your thumb over his scar before kissing it softly and putting the razor down “All done my love”

You wet one of the towels with warm water and gently wipe the last remnants off his face. Taking the bottle of aftershave he hands you and squirt some of the liquid into your hands, spreading it around and placing your warm palms all around his freshly shaven face to soothe any irritations. You move your hands around his neck and into his hair to bring his face closer to yours so you can place your lips softly onto his. He ever so tenderly kisses you back and starts caressing your naked legs with his hands. Making his way to the hem of the oversized shirt you’re wearing you simultaneously move your lips to place kisses onto his cheeks and nose, down his jar until you just reach his pulse point and he lets out a relaxed sigh. You’re so overcome with love and warmth that you need to pull him into a hug and as close to you as possible. Van reciprocates that and instability wraps his strong arms around you and his face into your neck. For a moment the both of you just stay in this embrace, basking in the slow morning you get to enjoy together and the love between you.

“I love you so much” he softly murmurs “I don’t know what I’d do without you”

You tighten the grip around him and and whisper into his ear “ I love you too. Always” and press one last kiss onto his cheek. Slowly and reluctantly you pull away and push him softly to the side so that you can hope off the counter. 

“I’ll go start breakfast yeah? I’m proper starving now. And can you go and put some clothes on so you can join me?“ you teasingly roll your eyes and grin up at him as you start making your way out of the bathroom and towards the stairs. Before you’re fully out of reach Van reaches out and lands a smack on your ass that makes you squeal before bursting out into giggles and as you cross the threshold you just hear him jokingly murmur “little minx” before finally going downstairs. 

[catb-fics]

Imagines and One-Shots

Back to Main Masterlist

Most of my fics are NSFW so please bear that in mind // ✨ = smut // 🌸 = fluff // 🌧️ angst

These stories are works of fiction. They are not, in any way, intended to reflect reality. The stories and characters are purely fantasies originating from the mind of the author. The versions of real-life people that appear are fictional portrayals and do not reflect the real people or their actions in any way.

Catfish and the Bottlemen

I’ll be uploading any without links as soon as I can! It’s a big job so it might take me a while. My more recently written fics are at the top and I apologise profusely for the cringe lurking at the bottom of the list (I wrote some of those 3/4 years ago - don’t judge me ha ha)

Van McCann

🩶 Playing Hard to Get NSFW Alphabet ✨

First kiss headcanons 🌸

Showtime ✨ You help Van to relax when he’s nervous before playing Sefton Park

Connection ✨ Phone sex when Van’s on tour

Soothe 🌸🌧️ Van cuddles after a tough day

💖 Picture Perfect (I’m With the Band) ✨ Van wants to film you both having sex

Long hair headcanons 🌸✨

Breathe ✨ Van helps you to de-stress after a shitty day

Drive ✨ Van can’t keep his hands off you, even when he’s driving

White Wedding ✨Van eats you out under your wedding dress after the ceremony

💗 Bonfire Night headcanons (Dad Van) 🌸

White shirt blurb 🌸 Your husband’s irresistible in your favourite white shirt

💗 Baby Fever (Dad Van) ✨ you ask Van to give you another baby

Birthday headcanons 🌸

Smile for the Camera ✨ You make a sex tape with Van

Caring 🌸 Van looks after you when you have a bad period

Incredible ✨ You get distracted by Van’s hands when he’s teaching you how to play guitar

Beach Life 🌸 Part 1 Beach picnic with Van

No Nut November ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 You explore Van’s submissive side

One For The Wedding Album 🌸✨ Part 1 Taking sexy Polaroids for your husband at your wedding reception

Tease ✨ You get turned on seeing your boyfriend in his sweatpants

Mornings with Van 🌸 Headcanons and waking up with Van blurb

🖤 Happy Birthday Sir (Prof Van) ✨ You give your hot professor a birthday present under the desk

Heat ✨ Summer holiday balcony sex

💗 Skin to Skin (Dad Van) 🌸 You feed your baby daughter for the first time

Hungry ✨ You reveal to Van that you’re not wearing any underwear at a restaurant date

❤️ Cheat (Red) ✨ Van teases you under the table during a dinner date

It’s Good to be Back 🌸 Van’s nervous before headlining Reading festival

💗 Borrowed Time (Dad Van) ✨ You and your husband are on borrowed time to get intimate before the kids wake up

Good Touch ✨ A stressed Van comes into your salon for a massage

Kisses Headcanons 🌸

In Good Hands ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 Doctor/patient AU - your new doctor helps cure your sexual frustrations

💗 Dad Van NSFW Alphabet ✨🌸

Daddy ✨ You get yourself off on Van’s thigh (daddy kink)

💗 Snow Day Headcanons (Dad Van) 🌸

Possessive ✨ Rough possessive sex

Soft 🌸 Van comes home exhausted from tour

Business ✨ Sex on the tour bus

💜 Confession (Pure) ✨ Confessing your sins leads to more in church

🩶 Daredevil (Playing Hard to Get) ✨ Van teases you on a car journey

💙 Blade (Ice Cold) ✨ knife play kink

💙 Sweet Dreams (Ice Cold) ✨ somnophilia blurb

Affection 🌸 Headcanons and morning cuddles blurb

💖 Truth (I’m With the Band) ✨ Van sets a challenge for himself to make you squirt

❤️ Secretive (Red Van) ✨ thigh riding blurb

Unwind ✨ Van distracts you from studying

🖤 Limit (Prof Van) ✨ Van punishes you for distracting him

🖤 Bad Girl (Prof Van) ✨ Your Professor punishes you for being a brat

💗 Expectations (Dad Van) 🌸 Valentines Day with Van when you’re heavily pregnant

Sweet Treat ✨ Birthday cakes and whipped cream

Never Have I Ever ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Good Girl ✨ Soft dom Van

Valentine’s Surprise 🌸 Van buys you puppies as a valentines treat

Can’t Believe You’re 26 🌸 You confess you’ve never been kissed to your friend Van on your 26th birthday

Baby Love ✨ Van is insatiable when you’re trying for a baby

💗 Pick Him Up From Heathrow (Dad Van) 🌸 Picking up your husband from the airport

Truth or Dare ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 Your friend Van confesses that he’s a virgin

💗 Valentines Headcanons (Dad Van) 🌸 Van and the kids treat you on Valentines Day

Private Dancer ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 You give Van a private dance and get an invitation back to his hotel

Hugs Headcanons 🌸

Adventurous ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 You can Van go shopping for sex toys to spice up your love life

Good Morning ✨ You wake Van up with a sexy surprise

Dating Van Headcanons 🌸

💗 Halloween Headcanons (Dad Van) 🌸

Caught Red-Handed ✨ Your house-mate Van catches you ‘thinking’ about him then wants to turn your fantasy into reality

Hall Pass ✨ Part 1 / Part 2

All I Want For Christmas 🌸 Part 1 / Part 2 Van comes into your shop to buy an ugly Christmas jumper

Good Luck Charm ✨ You’re Van’s good luck charm before a show

No Touching ✨ Van reckons he can make you come without touching you

Distractions ✨ You use an unconventional method to distract Van from his FIFA game

Then There Were Three ✨ A night partying ends up in a threesome with your bf Johnny and his friend Van

Falling in Love With Your Best Friend 🌸 Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 You’re secretly in love with your best friend Van but you’re too scared to tell him your feelings

After The Show ✨ Post-gig back-stage shagging

Be Mine 🌸 Van gives you a surprise present with a proposal

Looking After Van ✨ You run a bath for Van when he’s tired after touring

Phone Sex ✨ Van misses you when he’s touring which leads to a smutty phone conversation

First Time 🌸 You lose your virginity to your bf Van

Love Bites ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 Vampire AU

Broken 🌧️ Part 1 / Part 2 Your friend Van comforts you when you come out of an abusive relationship

Jealousy 🌧️✨ Part 1 / Part 2 Van gets jealous when you get close to a male friend when he’s touring

Johnny Bond

Comfort ✨ Johnny knows just how to comfort you when you’ve had a tough day

Wet ✨ Showering with Johnny on his birthday

🧡 NSFW Alphabet (Prof Bond) ✨

🧡 Burning Desire (Prof Bond) ✨ wax play blurb

Never Have I Ever ✨ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Hall Pass ✨ Part 1 / Part 2

Birthday Treat ✨ You give Johnny a surprise treat for his birthday

Then There Were Three ✨ A night partying ends up in a threesome with your bf Johnny and his friend Van

Bob Hall

Meeting Bob 🌸 You meet your crush Bob when you interview the band at a festival

[thousandfourhundreddays]

van mccann x singer reader pls!

Masterlist

A/n I can only apologise for my severe issue with making promises I can’t keep ahahah. I don’t even know how long ago it was that I said I would write some stuff for Van and so many of you guys’ requests have been neglected in my inbox… BUT I had a couple of Van x singer reader requests so here it is, however I didn’t stick to that completely but I kinda love this so hope you enjoy anyway!!! Also kinda based on Hourglass because I lack all kinds of creativity lol. LOVE YA❤️‍🔥

Waste My Days

“You’re strugglin’” his voice floated down the line, worry seeping into his words. You sighed into the silence of your hotel room, rolling over in bed, eyes flicking across the room to see the time on the clock. 2:36 am.

“I’m ok… it’s just been none stop for so long. I’m exhausted but I just can’t get any rest” Van waited, giving you time to talk, knowing this could be the most insight into your mind he’d been able to get for a long time.

“I love being on tour, I really do. Especially this one, this has been the best yet, I’m just…”

“Exhausted” he finished for you, sensing that you were struggling to find the words.

“You know it”

Boy, did he know it.

-

“How did you sleep?”

“God, I slept so good, the best I’ve slept in weeks Van, I’m telling you”

You heard his chuckle crackle down the line. “Dreaming about me again ay, babe?”

“Always”

-

“Y/n! Your phones ringing!”

Your head shot up, following the sound of the voice that shouted across the floor of the arena. Eyes wide, you sent a look to the sound technician, a silent plea to let you have just one minute. Once you saw him nod, mixed with a slightly annoyed shrug of his shoulders, you jumped down from the stage to find your phone.

“Van?”

“Hiya, darlin’. Was about to give up then, thought you weren’t gonna answer”

“Sorry, soundcheck.” You explained, listening to him drag on a fag in some city far away.

“Aye, me too, just finished. Sorry I interrupted”

“You’re never interrupting” you replied quickly, “I’ve been dying for you to call.”

-

You felt the peel of skin as Van lifted himself off of you, a rush of oxygen filling your lungs as he flopped down next to you into the damp sheets.

One week, one singular week where your tour schedules aligned. Van came to stay at yours, with no other plans than to eat, sleep and in Vans words, “love on you”.

You watched as Van reached over to the bedside table for his cigs, you couldn’t help but reach out to him, your finger tracing the shape of his ribs through his pale skin before you heard a clatter of books fall to the floor in Vans attempt to clear a space for the mug that now doubled as an ash tray.

“Oi, don’t be messing my place up!” You poked at the space between his ribs.

“Oi!” He squeaked in that classic Van McCann squeak, flinching, trying to escape your hands, holding the now burning cigarette high above your heads as he tackled you.

“Van, watch that!” Grasping his arm, already picturing the holes that he would burn in the sheets.

aka, the best week of wasting days together.

-

“Vaaaan” you sung down the line, “please hurry!!!!!”

“Alright, babe, alright. I’m coming!” He laughed,

“I know but we have a lot of catching up to do, you know” he could practically hear your smirk through the phone.

“Oh babe, so sordid” He teased, lowering his voice into a growl so the whole of Tesco’s wouldn’t hear him. “You’re the one who wanted wine!”

“All I really ever want is you, Van”

-

“Babe! Come ere’!”

Vans voice echoed through your bedroom over the sound of the shower.

Pushing on the en suite door, the bathroom flooded with light, revealing his face peeping round the edge of the fogged shower screen, hair wet and silently reaching an arm out for you. You smiled, keeping eye contact as you pulled his old tshirt over your head, quickly loosing your underwear and letting him pull you towards him.

Van twirled you round, pressing your back against his chest, arms tangled together across the front of your body under the water.

“I’ve been thinkin bout baby names” he whispered ,

“Oh yeah?” You laughed, classic Van you thought, “A bit premature, no? I’m not even pregnant”

Van moved to rest his cheek on the top of your head, pressing a kiss to your hair before untangling his arm from yours, watching as he reached out to write on the glass.

L, Y, L, A

“Like the Oasis song” he whispered.

[meekahy]

Christmas

This was loosely based on my Thankgiving omg

ANYWAYS HERE'S VAN MCCANN

It was the holidays. Twinkling lights were everywhere, Christmas music was playing, and people were rushing around to get last-minute gifts.

You were rushing around your kitchen making the last of your Christmas dinner. Your family insisted that you were hosting for Christmas at your place, which stressed you out immensely. Van ran around the house to ensure everything was clean and the table was ready for food. He walked into the kitchen and came and rested his hands on your hips from behind while you plated the mashed potatoes. 

“How’s it going, love?” Van whispered into your ear.

“I’m almost done,” you glanced at the clock on the stove, “They should be here any minute.”

Van hummed in response as the doorbell rang, “I’ll get that.” And he was off to the door, leaving you to rush back and forth from the kitchen to the dining room table putting food on the table. You could hear Van charming your family with his lovable personality.

You turned around to find the voices you were listening to. You smiled as your parents walked towards you. 

“Hey, mom!” you exclaimed as she hugged you.

“Where’s my hug?” your dad questioned you. You peeled yourself away from your mom and hugged your dad. He chuckled loudly as he patted your back. 

As he released you, you caught your sister’s eyes. You squealed as you ran over to her in a bone-crushing hug. You both got along very well. Your brother stood beside you guys waiting for a hug. You turned your attention to your brother as you hugged him as well.

Once everyone received a hug, you ushered everyone into the dining room so you all could eat.

You sat next to Van and he reached a hand over to your thigh and squeezed lovingly. You smiled at him and he back at you.

The conversation was light and easy-going. Everyone was having a good time. They complemented you on your cooking. They asked Van about how his music and tours have been. Everyone was enjoying themselves.

After you finished your first plate of food, you started to reach for more.

“Haven’t you eaten enough?” Your father chuckled as he was eating another plate of food. Everyone else was having seconds too.

“Oh, um I’m still hungry,” you replied dryly. Your eyes only stayed on your plate. You felt Van’s hand squeeze your leg not knowing what to say. You sighed and shifted in your seat.

“You probably don’t need another plate,” he continued.

You tried to shift the conversation before your dad could say more about your weight and asked your mom how she was doing at work. She looked you in the eyes and started a conversation with your dad; ignoring you completely. Any time you wanted to say something, your mom would loudly say something else and start new conversations or blantally ignore you.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you quickly put your napkin down and excused yourself from the table. You quickly walked outside for some fresh air. Van followed you out after a few minutes.

“I told your parents off. You told them they couldn’t treat you that way. Said they could finish eating and then leave,” he casually mentioned to you as he lit a cigarette.

“You did?” you asked dumbfounded, “How did they react?”

Van sighed, “Your parents were surprisingly silent. Weird, right? And your siblings kinda just laughed.”

You groaned and laid your forehead against the wall. Van came over and started to rub your back.

After a quick drag of the cigarette, he said, “It’ll be okay, I promise. I couldn’t let them treat you like that. Besides, you don’t have to see them again if that’s what you wanted, love.”

You picked up your head from the wall and turned to him and said, “You’re right. Let’s talk about that later though.” Van nodded and finished his cigarette. He pulled you with him back into the house. 

Your parents were putting their coats on to leave and ignored you both as you walked in. They left without a word.

Your siblings were cackling in the dining room as they still ate. As you entered the room, your brother was reaching for thirds.

“Van, that was awesome how you stood up to our parents that way,” your brother mumbled as he chewed on some meat.

Your sister agreed, “Someone had to.” She smiled up at you and Van.

You all chatted for a while before you started clearing the table. Bringing the dirty plates to the sink, you rinse them off before putting them into the dishwasher. Your sister put all the leftovers in containers and put them in the fridge.

Your siblings were full and happy as they said goodbye to you and Van. Once they left, you heavily sighed as Van brought you in for a hug. 

You broke the hug after a few minutes. Staring up at him you muttered, “What a shit show.”

Van chuckled, “The time with your siblings was class.”

Laughing you replied sarcastically, “Oh yeah, my parents were fun to be around too.”

Before he could respond, you said throwing your hands in the air, “I can’t believe my dad said that! It’s not like I’m fat or anything. I may be curvy, but I don’t think I’m fat. Even if I was, he shouldn’t have been like that!”

Van gave you an apologetic look, “No, you’re not fat at all. Besides, I like the curves you have, love,” he stated as his hands rubbed your hips. He continued, “I love you just the way you are. No one, not even your parents, can change my mind. Plus, I won’t ignore you. You know I LOVE listening to you talk.” He smirked down at you as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Well, I appreciate you, and I love you so much Van. I-,” You were cut off by Van placing a delicate kiss to your lips. You pulled him closer by his neck, deepening the kiss. In his embrace, all the negative feelings faded away.

[pacifymebby]

if you’re feeling sinister / chapter four

Johnny

It was one of those hot, close kind of afternoons. Grey claustrophobic skies gathering over head. The air had that thunderstorm musky kind of quality. It can't have been helping the doomed feeling my insincts were beginning to kindle around.

"Larry!" yelled Van, his voice disappearing further down the coastal path Larry often walked back on. He usually met his secret lass down here, the one he didn't think we knew as much about as we did, they usually dawdled along the the cliff edge, blowing canabis smoke down into the dunes. "Larry!" shouted Van again, no longer leaving any quiet in which we could listen out for his return call.

We'd already walked the path once, earlier that afternoon once we'd done the first circuit of the town. We'd knocked doors and asked around anyone we thought he might have had anything to do with the night before. When we'd run out of people he might have spoken to we started knocking every other door coming up with any excuse to justify disturbing the neighbours day. And because Larry worked Saturdays and Sundays in the local shop he knew most people, so we knocked on most doors.

And we heard nothing, and people looked at us with dusgruntled confusion and sometimes they looked concerned or they said they were sorry and promised to let us know if they did hear anything, but mostly they just shook their heads and said no, they hadn't heard from him. "Out late last night was he?" asked that one like they suspected us of causing trouble, suspected that whatever was going on it was our own fault.

Now we were trailing the coastal path slowly, growing tense. Ignoring hunger, the sweaty grimy skin crawling sensation of having been out walking through the humidity all day. Already knowing we weren't going to get anywhere. Carrying on because we didn't want to have to go back to Larrys mum and tell her she needed to phone him in as a missing person. Didn't want to go back to the girls and tell them that it was all more serious than we'd first thought.

And as Van started shouting for Larry again I let out a sigh, shoved my hands into my jeans pockets and closed my eyes. Wincing when I said it.

"You think we should check the woods now eh Van?" I said knowing that saying something like that, in a town like this, was like signing the death certificate myself. Giving up all for the sake of not wanting to give up.

Van screwed his face up, turned back to me. Almost looked pissed off when he shoved his sweaty hair from his face.

"Why would he be there its fuckin miles from his house?"

"Aye but we've searched everywhere else haven't we..." I said looking over at Benji who had stopped now too and was listening closely with the same wary, knowing expression.

"Fuck, yeah, whatever he's right Van its the only place we haven't looked.."

"Aye but it wouldn't make any fuckin sense... Why would he..."

"If you follow this path far enough it skims along the edge of the woods further down the coast... You know where the trees thin out reet down in the dunes..."

"Thats fuckin miles away..."

"Maybe he was after elongating the evening with his lassie," I tried to smirk, tried to wiggle my brows and ease the tension but I couldn't do that when I was sugesting our best mate might have ventured into those cursed woods at night, with a girl or even alone, ten years to the month that our town had looked out onto something like hell. After they'd found my mum, after they'd found Peppers mum and a little later her dad, hanging - the manner of his death apparently evidence enough to prove him guilty of it all.

"Yeah," groaned Van taking a cig from his pocket and lighting up, "fine fuck it..."

The way I saw it there wasn't anything else we could do. No point trailing that path any longer when we'd already done it and found nothing. No point in knocking doors at this time in the evening because most of the neighbours wouldn't answer their door during the after dinner soaps.

And I didn't want to leave it too long. If something really was wrong then we needed the police to start looking for him sooner rather than later. If something really was wrong, if something was beginning all over again, then I wanted to be by Sukis side and I wanted Pepper to know I was there for her, needed her to know she wasn't going to relive that peril alone.

"Jesus christ," he groaned seconds later, running his hand through his messy hair, "fuck sake man he shoulda just stayed at mine.." but I couldn't let him think like that.

It was how my dad had thought about the night my mam went missing for years now. How my brother had always thought of it too.

She'd been on her way to pick Jimmy up from a football match down at the playing fields which backed onto the woods. Only she'd gotten confused, or my dad had gotten confused, because Jimmy had been going to his pals house for tea and hadn't needed picking up at all, and somewhere within that miscommunication our mam had been left alone in the dusky summer evening, smoking a cigarette at the edge of the woods. And they said that that was probably when Peppers dad had bumped into her. That everything had probably seemed fine to her at first, that he'd probably lured her away from the car, into the forest under false pretences. That by the time she understood what was really happening, what he really wanted, she'd have been out of earshot of anyone. And of course we wouldn't have realised anything was wrong until much later that evening, when she didn't show at Jimmys pal's house to pick him up and take him home.

There were so many angles to view it from that meant you could blame yourself, or blame some trivial detail which really, probably wouldn't have made a big difference. If dad had been on the ball he could have realised she didn't need to go for Jimmy before she'd even left the house. If Jimmy had reminded her before he'd gone to school that morning. And even me, perhaps if I hadn't been such a pain in the arse, always asking questions or needing constant attention... Perhaps then she wouldn't have been distracted, she would have taken it in and remembered later that Jimmy didn't need picking up. That there was no reason to head down to the football pitches that evening.

And if she hadn't gone what then? Perhaps she'd still be with us. Perhaps someone elses mum would have fallen victim to those woods instead. Could I honestly say I wouldn't have traded my mum for someone elses, could I really say that if I was given the choice, I wouldn't choose to kill someone elses mam and keep mine safe and alive and mine.

No. And neither could anyone else if they were being honest.

Even so, it was better not to dwell on things you could have but didn't do and so when Van groaned and tapped his cigarette nervously I had to cut him off and nip his melancholic self loathing in the bud.

"Its just a fuckin walk home Van, should be safe, anyone should be able to do it blind like... Shouldn't make any difference to his life whether he stops at yours a night or walks home alone half cut. Its just a road..."

"Aye,"said Van with dark eyes and a gloomy set smirk, "Ain't just a road though is it..."

And I knew he was right. It wasn't just a road and our little town where the forest met the coast, would never be just some other little town ever again. This was a place terrible things happened, a haunted place. And as I felt a familiar knowing shadow take over inside me, I felt the shudder of dread grip me as I thought about the woodlands we were about to go poking around in. Woodlands I was sure were never supposed to be disturbed.

"Cmon no point being morbid about it, may as well get it over with for fuck sake," said Benji. He'd been chain smoking the same as the rest of us but now he let his fall from his hand, grinding it into the ground beneath his trainer, leaving a print in the sand for someone else to find later if we didn't make it home.

So we picked up the pace, ducking back over the dunes into the woodlands we'd played in as kids until we couldn't anymore. They'd stopped feeling like a playground after everything that went down. After the police dogs, the white suits, the blue lights and sirens, the long days which dragged into even more painful nights, the cups of tea the neighbors made for my dad which were left untouched and curdling wherever they'd been set down.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and fell into step with Van. The floor beneath our feet was soft with pine needles, our trainers sinking deceptively into the top layer as we walked quickly, trying not to walk too quickly through the ever thickening trees.

"Larry!" shouted Van, his voice echoing and then swallowed whole, snuffed out by the evergreens.

He only shouted once or twice, his voice barely carrying, bouncing back to us so quickly that it was difficult to believe the forest stretched out for as far as it did. But we were at the foot of the long slope, the vast expanse of Ash, Pine and Oak which grew all up the hillside through the valley and didn't thin out until it met the old slag heaps miles out of town.

"Keep an eye out for..." I started trailing off because I didn't know what to say. "Well, anythin really..." I hadn't been paying enough attention to Larry the night before, too caught up, distracted by Suki. When I thought about it I couldnt have described any of my friends appearances from the night before because I hadn't really been paying attention to anyone else. Only Suki. And I felt guilty because even upon realising that fact it was her my mind remained revolving around.

I couldn't help myself, wondering what she'd be doing back at Van's, her and Pepper and Mia, perhaps they'd have been playing their video games earlier but now that it was dark and we were still out without them, they'd probably be getting nervous, probably find themselves unable to focus on a zombie game or a shit 80s horror. They'd probably be sitting in that awkward quiet, tension thick between them as they tried not to do anything that would make them look nervous. No one ever wanted to be the first to admit they were scared.

"Fuckin poirot over here..." smirked Benji cracking just enough of a smile to meet his eyes.

"Shit man this is fuckin pointless these woods are huge, even if we split up we ain't gonna cover it all by nightfall..."

"We ain't splittin up," I said quickly, quietly, my eyes meeting Van's through the ever darkening evening, "an its already night..." I shrugged, "so I don't know what you wanna do but if we go back now we have to go straight to his mam... She's gonna have to phone the police..."

"He might be back by the time we get back," shrugged Benji but we all knew it wasn't true. If he'd come back one of the girls would have phoned. We wouldn't still be out there looking for him. We wouldn't all feel so doomed.

"Maybe we should split..." said Van again, "just for a bit, have a wander round, cover more..."

"Fuckin no chance," I said shaking my head, a disbelieving grin cracked crooked as I shoved him playfully, "mr "I've seen every horror movie" and you actually want us to split up..."

"Aye mate am not so sure its a..." started Benji, his thought cut short by a wailing sound tearing through the trees.

The sound seemed to carry over our heads, like a fast moving cloud. Its echo lingering in the mist rolling in from the sea. I looked down to my shoes in the pine and saw the familiar grey vapour curling around my ankles and I didn't like the strange sensation it left on my skin.

For a second we all stood still, silent, looking at our feet, looking up at the thick dark green shadow of pine needles and leaves above our heads. The canopy blocked the evening light but we could all tell there wasn't much light left to be seen.

"Fuck was that?" asked Benji with a nervous twitching smile, "sounded like me demented nan..."

"Probably owls," I said with a shrug not wanting to admit how haunted that terrible keening had really made me feel. It had sounded so eerily familiar to me. A sound drifted in from childhood, the kind your mind forces you to forget until you hear it again.

"Maybe it was a ghost..." Van said with a small smirk, ironic and then suddenly wincing apologetic and embarassed by himself. "Sorry lad," he said quickly, taking out a cigarette trying to save himself, "sorry fuck I didn't..."

"Everyone thinks the woods are haunted," I shrugged swallowing a lump in my throat as my shoulders and jaw tensed tight, "theyve always thought that an all, not just since... You know..."

"Aye," said Van, "am still sorry though..."

And people always were and always would be. Sorry. Always awkward and apologetic. Those kinds of smiles were ones familiar to me after all this time.

"Cmon man," I said with a shudder, "we'll walk back into town, if he's somewhere in here the police will find him quicker than we can..."

"Aye but they won't go lookin tonight," he said, "always wait too long don't they..." he said, his eyes darker still as we all walked in step, each of us glancing over our shoulders every now and then, each of us checking for god knows what doing god knows what in our periphery.

"Yeah well," I said forcing a smile for his benefit, for mine too, "might not be waiting for anythin at all eh, blakes might be right... Maybe he's already home..."

But we weren't stupid and any lies we told to make eachother feel better... We all knew them to be just that. Lies.

The quickest way home however was unfortunately through the trees. It was quicker to head a little deeper into the woods and then veer for the football fields than it was to double back on ourselves and head back down the coast. Besides, there was little point treading familiar ground when were trying to think hopefully.

If we headed towards the footie pitch and the school we would perhaps stumble upon Larry unsuspectingly. I was hoping that my instincts were wrong but I'd always trusted myself more than I trusted anyone else and I knew that in this instance just like every other instance, I was probably right.

We probably weren't going to find Larry that night.

Knowing that fact only made the woods seem closer still. I felt every shudder in the pines like breath on my skin. Every twitch or snap in the trees drew my eyes searching for its cause. I kept trying to block it out, kept trying to tell myself to keep walking and looking straight ahead but it wasn't working to make me feel any less on edge. I wanted to be home with the girls, skip the fucking awful walk home and just be crushed up on Vans settee with Suki tucked under my arm and little Titch where I could see her. Needed everyone I cared about to be close to me. Knowing that it wasn't possible now left me feeling that familiar but ever strange seperation from myself. That hollow feeling in my bones that made me feel like my fingers weren't my own. Made me feel like I'd borrowed someone elses body for the day and I couldn't quite get a grip on the controls.

"Shit..." breathed Van suddenly stopping in his tracks so that I tripped over and into the back of him and Blakes had to stumble to stop himself crashing too.

"Shit..." I said quietly following his gaze. Just a little way in front of us was a car wreck... The bonnet crumpled into the trunk of a conifer. The glass in the pine needles hardly caught the light, it had been there so long it had been weathered by the rain, the dirt had set in and dulled it, muddied it. Only the largest plates remained.

"I thought they cleaned everythin up..." started Blakes trailing off because the answer to whatever question he'd been about to ask was right there in front of us, abandoned and battered, windows shattered, rusty skeleton chewed up. Left to the pines and the woods for them to do with whatever they liked.

"Yeah," I said, my mouth dry, my fingers searching my pocket for my light, "you'd have thought they would..." I said, fingers closing around pine needles and dirt in the pit of my pockets. No cigarettes to comfort me.

"It is..."

"Yeah," I said silencing Van before he could ask the obvious, a question we all already knew the answer to, "thats Titch's dads car," I said glancing over my shoulder. Checking my periphery. The painful sensation of being watched, skin prickling all over as I fixed my eyes on the car. That hollow feeling was rising, spreading through my body slowly so that I couldn't shake the feeling that I was leaving myself behind.

He'd crashed the car, he'd murdered Titch's mam and then he'd murdered mine too... It was the story everyone knew, and here was the evidence, here was the crashed car. Here was the broken glass. The rusting frame. The pine needles and pieces of bark he'd displaced. Like some museum exhibit.

Only Blakes was right. They had cleared the site. There'd been such a fuss in the local paper about it because some of us had wanted it cleared, some of us had wanted the scene disposed of, and others, those who believed Titchs father to be innocent, had wanted the crime scene preserved. So that it could be studied over and over, scrutinised for any new evidence. Anything that would prove something. Because it was one of those cases. The kind where everyone, no matter who's side theyre on, find themselves rooting for the same thing. When answers are in sshort supply people start to care less about the answers theyre going to get...

"Cmon we need to leave," I said struggled to swallow around the dry scratch in my throat... "An lets not tell titch about this yeah...actually lets not tell any of the girls about it eh?"

"Yeah," said Van nodding solemnly, "right blakes?"

"Right..."

But that would be our first mistake.  

[okayohay]

A note.

I would like to thank you all for your endless support of TOLBINY, Closer and Edgy. I have updates coming and am looking forward to a fall and winter where I can re-immerse myself into these stories, re-edit what’s been posted and hopefully share them with more readers. I apologize for my coming and going, but in truth, my life has been debilitating and exhausting. I am all consumed with my job and business and although I am passionate about those things, the heaviness I am feeling has currently been extremely difficult to process. I turn to writing in these times and typically create more content as writing is therapeutic to me and grounds me, but I also hate these moments because of the emptiness in my soul.

Your comments and DMs on Wattpad as well as messages and asks here keep me going and make me more happy than you know. I’ve always loved writing and I love fan fiction, but you all make me feel like I’m doing something right, and right now, that’s a rare thing in my life. Your support and kind comments have literally meant more than I can put into words, push me to write more and I am eternally grateful for any of you who read my words and reach out, like chaps, or just simply come back for more. Thank you for bringing a light to this otherwise dark part of my life. I’m sorry I’ve been in and out, but appreciate you sticking around.

Read my Closer update below if you’re a Fender fan. More Van McCann fics coming soon because I know we all miss him.

Thank you for everything. Mad love. X

[storiesbyrhi]

Welcome to Hellfire Club...

Hello!

For those that have been here before, either through my Van McCann fanfics (@storiesaboutvan) or my Bucky Barnes blog (@buckyreaderrecs), welcome back. I've missed you.

To new friends that haven't found me yet, I'm excited for you to read my work and for me to get to know you.

My name is Rhi. I live in so-called-Australia. I'm a real life adult that used to have a 'proper career' and all that jazz. Started making it. Had a mental breakdown. Bon appetite. Now, I live with my best friend, her husband, and their baby. We have three chickens, two dogs, and two cats. I am currently not working so I have some spare time up my sleeve...

I liked Stranger Things a 'normal amount' until Season 4. He got us good, the motherfucker. Eddie Munson will be the death of us all and that's fine by me. Consider me inspired, hyperfixated, and here most of the time.

You can also find me on Instagram (imdeadpeaceful), where I am putting together an Eddie zine, because zines are my thing. If you're an artist, you can totally contribute. DM me.

I love to talk to people, read your fanfiction, and immerse myself in some maladaptive daydreaming.

Buckle up. xo Rhi

[vanmccannyoudome]

#1

It had been a while. A while since she had been to a gig, strangers swaying against you in the crowd, the air damp. A while since she’d seen him, floppy brown hair and infectious smile. A while since he’d touched her, gentle yet burning as his fingers trailed across her skin. He’d been away, album promo and an arena tour, taking him around the world. Tonight was his first night back in the country in months. Her stomach had erupted in butterflies when the short text came asking her to come to the gig, and when her backstage pass was dropped off to her house by a guy in a beat-up van with an unkempt beard.

There he was on stage, surrounded by his bandmates in front of thousands of people. A sold-out arena. Dressed simply in black jeans, Chelsea boots and a black shirt, with the first few buttons left undone at the top. So completely at home performing. The songs, guitar and drum heavy belted out of the speakers, inciting the crowd to bounce. He crooned the lyrics, his voice lowering intimately and straining to belt out the fast-paced choruses. His voice wove lyrical stories, casting a spell on everyone, but most of all on her. She could swear he was trying to enchant her. His guitar was nestled between his arms and against his hips and she hadn’t realised it was possible to be jealous of an instrument.

The frantic music and flashing lights came to a halt, and the band moved backstage leaving only him and his acoustic guitar. The song was low, slow. His fingers danced across the strings and his voice dipped and curled around the notes. This was her favourite song. Written about another girl, of course, long before they’d ever met. The lyrics were so intimate, so gentle and showed a different side to him than she’d seen before. This showed him completely, irrationally in love with someone. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he sang, soaking up the echo of the fans singing his lyrics back at him. He squinted as he looked off to one side of the front of the crowd. Sure it was a coincidence that it was the side she stood; she didn’t allow herself to hope he was looking for her.

When they had met, it was clear he wanted a good time, some fun and laughs and nothing to stress about while he went off to live his rock and roll lifestyle. They had fun, lots of it. Drinks in quiet, back-alley bars followed by evenings in his place, or hers. A day or two here and there when he had free time or when she did. FaceTime calls late at night full of flirty banter, discussions about life, politics, music. But there had never been any promise of anything more, and she had never asked for anything more. Or rather, had never dared to ask.

Something about their connection, the distance and time apart, and this intimate song made her heart flutter as his eyes kept wandering back to that side of the crowd. If he was trying to catch sight of her, his chances were hindered largely by the bright stage spotlight and her petite frame in the vast crowd. The song came to an end, punctuated by a discreet smile, one familiar to her. She had seen it the night he first asked to take her home, as she sipped on her drink and her heart pounded. She had seen it on FaceTime when their conversation dissolved into comfortable silence laden with tension. She had seen it as they laid tangled up in his sheets, early morning sun spilling over his face as he twirled a strand of her hair around his fingers. This song was now dedicated to her, his smile confirmed it.

The band came bounding back on stage, playing some of their most popular songs, the music crashing and the crowd going crazy. She followed the instructions he had left her in their text conversation. Find this door, see this person, show them your pass. The look she received from the security guard who led her through backstage conveyed his thoughts with abundant clarity. She was one woman in a long line of women led along the same path. How many artists, bands had paraded women through here for a quick shag, a night of fun. She tried to take that look with a pinch of salt knowing full well they were just having fun, yet knowing full well she was not just a quick fuck. Had he brought other women back recently? Since they’d met? She shook that thought off.

The corridors were long, vibrating to the music coming from the stage. The security guard opened a door, and the sound was once again deafening. Surrounded by equipment, wires, people, she stood in a spot in the corner that she was directed to. Her heart pounding, knowing he was coming offstage soon. Nerves, anticipation, excitement flooded through her, causing tremors to run through her. She leaned against a large equipment box, only for it to move under her weight. Several people saw her almost fall and shot her irritated looks. She kept her stare firmly on the ground as her cheeks blazed crimson. A familiar guitar riff rang through the air, signalling the song and the set were almost over. Fuck. The sound of cheers rang through the arena. No drums, no guitars, no beautiful voice. Just the crowd.

Loud laughter and laboured breathing neared. She peeked up through her lashes as she saw a slender figure deposit a guitar in a stand. Goosebumps. Her hair stood on end; her heart was pounding again. She met his eye as he stood in front of her, blue eyes blazing, skin glowing, brown hair soaking wet and flopping over his brows. Stomach flipping, she subconsciously held her hand in front of her, not sure what to do. She was right there in front of him, a sight for sore eyes. Having craved her touch, even just needed to see the contours of her face in person for so long, he didn’t want to wait. And he crashed into her. Hands gripping her hips and lips colliding with hers. He pulled her closer until there was no space between them, kissing her roughly.

She giggled ‘Hey, V- ‘

‘Shh’ He interrupted brusquely, then deepening the kiss.

She melted into his hold, her feet feeling as though they were no longer on the ground. She kissed him back, allowing his tongue to battle with hers. She inhaled his scent of cigarette smoke and musk, feeling intoxicated. And Jesus, he didn’t know if it was just the adrenaline, but he could swear he had never enjoyed holding someone, kissing someone this much before.

‘Van- ‘She began, pulling away as she began to remember her surroundings, the people around her who were strangers.

‘Shh’ He cut in again, mumbling against her lips. His hands ran from her elbows to meet her hands, interlocking tightly. ‘Just kiss me’.

And who was she to argue? That’s all she wanted too in that moment. Then he was pushing her backwards, guiding her with his legs on either side of hers, hands and lips still locked. She giggled against his lips in between kisses. Her back was against a door while he reached around to push the handle. They were plunged into the icy night air, a shock after the hot, damp air inside. His free hand dropped down to her waist, then lower to the hem of her dress. Her spare hand grabbed his soaked, sweaty hair in anticipation. Her thigh burning where his calloused fingers roughly stroked.

They were in a quiet corner outside, lit by a bright white light on the brick wall above them. He backed her against the wall, breaking their kiss to move his lips to her neck. She held her soft groans in, between her legs throbbing almost painfully. He bit the most sensitive spots, the places he had spent a lot of time finding, sucking and then licking to soothe when it smarted. Her breathing grew heavier as his fingers ducked inside her dress and up her thigh. She was hyper aware of him and his presence, only vaguely aware that anybody could come outside and see what they were doing.

The fingers that had tenderly strummed his guitar earlier moved her underwear to the side with such swiftness she wasn’t ready for the contact. She gripped his hand tighter as he stroked her over her most intimate area, nudging her legs apart. He was focused on refamiliarizing himself with her, her sensitive spots. It had been so long since he had seen her, touched her that he was worried he’d forgotten how to make her tick. He needn’t have worried, if her tight grip on his hair and hand, and heavy breathing was any indication. They’d just had so much practice; he’d replayed all those moments over and over in his head until it was impossible to forget. And as he stroked her in all the right places, he could feel himself desperate for more, to be even closer to her. Her perfume, the scent of her shampoo cloaked his senses and made him dizzy with comfort and with desire. His fingers moved in slow, lazy circles at first, gathering her wetness. Gradually his circles grew faster and more concentrated and her legs began to feel weak. Pulling his body closer to hers to pin her to the wall, she got lost in his kisses and what he was doing between her legs. It took an unusually short amount of time before she could feel her orgasm approach. As he kissed just below her ear, she fell apart. He watched her face, so beautiful in agonising pleasure. He watched how he made her feel, how only he could make her feel as he carried on guiding her through the intense fireworks. She stiffened beneath him and then relaxed around him as he milked her orgasm.

Again, she wasn’t even sure if her feet were touching the ground, it all felt like it was spinning around them. She felt his fingers gently cup her chin and lift it up until her eyes met his. As her breathing started to even out, the look in his eyes made her tingle in anticipation of what she knew was to come. Before she had the chance to kiss him again, his lips were already on hers, not wanting to waste another second. Privacy? They didn’t need it. Hotel? Too far away. He knew he’d missed her while he’d been away, but this connection and tension was insane. And well, she’d always been crazy about him. Her hands crept down his shoulders, dragging along his torso, fingers playing with his belt until her palm met the bulge in his trousers.

She began to pull his belt from the belt loops, struggling when she came to the buckle. At her struggle he became frustrated and rushed to get the belt open, quickly followed by his button and zip. Pulling his member from his boxers, he sprang free from the restraint of his jeans, urgent and desperate to just be closer. And fuck if she didn’t want that too. He gripped her shoulders and spun her round quickly, so quickly she stumbled in her heels. Feeling guilty, he steadied her and placed her hands on the wall in front of her. She’d always been clumsy. She held her breath in anticipation, throbbing between her legs as he pulled her dress over her bum and slid himself along her slit.

‘Ahh’ She gasped aloud as he pushed inside her, him groaning into her ear at the feeling of her hot, tight wetness pulling him in. His damp chest and hair felt cold from being in the night air as he pressed himself against her from behind and she just wanted more. He pulled out slowly as she adjusted to the feeling of being full after so long, and began to thrust into her. It wasn’t slow, it wasn’t gentle. He pushed into her roughly and quickly, pulling her waist length hair down her back so that her head didn’t hit the wall as he fucked her. She couldn’t hold in her gasps and moans, her whole body felt like it was buzzing but her core was being assaulted with pleasurable strokes over and over again.

He needed to see her face. The one he’d searched for in the crowd while singing his most intimate and heartfelt song. The one he’d longed to see when he was 7 hours behind on tour in the States. The one he was desperate to touch and kiss while he looked at her through FaceTimes. He pulled out of her, taking care to spin her around more slowly this time to avoid a broken ankle in those sexy heels. Pushing her back against the wall, he slid his eager hands down her sides to her thighs and squeezed, gesturing for her to jump. She did, and he lifted her up against the wall, legs around his waist as he pinned her tightly to the cold, rough bricks. She cried out as he slid inside her again. They locked eyes while he fucked her once again, hardly pulling out but rather thrusting in as deep as he could. She could feel the brick wall leaving scratches on her back, but she didn’t care, loving the roughness.

This wasn’t quick and dirty; this was raw and urgent. Their eye contact confirmed that. His eyes told her he needed her. This meant something, but it could not wait. Their unbroken stare was a catalyst, she cried out his name as he furiously chased his peak. The feeling of her soft curves and warm cunt around his member undid him. He groaned as he came, reaching the end. He jerked against her, squeezing her bum.

The silence was only broken by their panting as the leaned against each other for support, feeling spent. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a crowd chanting some of his songs. He chuckled into her hair.

‘M sorry I didn’t last long darlin’; it’s been a while ‘ant it?’ She just shook her head, it didn’t matter. He pulled out of her, as he had softened, and his fluid seeped down her thigh.

Giggling, she stepped out of her underwear, holding onto his hand for balance, and wiped away his cum with them.

‘What the hell do I do with these?’ She wondered aloud, looking around for a bin, or somewhere to dispose of the soiled underwear.

He laughed as he zipped up his jeans and did up his belt again, then held out his hand. Hesitantly she handed them over to him, and he slipped them into his back pocket. ‘Let’s find a bin back inside, yeah?’

She giggled and stepped towards him to follow him back inside the building. He held his arm out behind him for her to grab her hand, but quickly spun around to face her.

‘Oh- hello’ He said, remembering he had interrupted her with kisses when she’d tried to greet him. He blushed slightly, feeling a bit rude.

She looked up at him through her lashes, a smile spread across her face with a hint of adoration in her eyes. ‘Hi.’

‘It’s so good to see ya, thanks for coming tonight babe’ He said, remembering his charm and manners. He had just gone at her like an animal, the least he could do was make up for it now.

‘Thank you for inviting me. You were so good up there.’ She stared up at his face. His eye bags which showed his fatigue, but his eyes shone bright, wide awake. His hair was starting to dry into waves falling over his face. ‘You look good, Van. Tour suits you.’

She wished he didn’t have to be away so much, wished that maybe he didn’t love being away as much as he did. She wanted to say more, but held back, not wanting to make things too heavy. She’d always been too afraid to spook him, scare him off. He saw it in her eyes, the many questions floating around that she was holding back. He wanted to give her answers, he wanted to give her anything she wanted.

‘It’s been great. But you know, it doesn’t have that Mexican bar, so...’ There was more he could have said, more he wanted to say. Like how maybe he loved tour, but this time round he found that he didn’t feel so free when he was away. Like maybe he’d missed her.

She giggled at his reference to their favourite place to go for tequila and margaritas when they hung out. She stared down at his feet, nervous that meeting his eye would give away just how deeply she felt for him in this very moment, his presence overwhelming, the feelings washing over and consuming her. He saw her hide a smile and wished she would look up at him. He’d imagined that smile for so long. He noticed her skin broke out in goosebumps and she began to wrap her arms around herself.

Her slinky black satin mini dress, with its skinny straps did everything to accentuate the softness of her curves, but nothing to protect her from the cold. Even as a feeling of protective tenderness overtook him, he still couldn’t help but notice her hard nipples and wish he was sucking on them. Albeit in a warm room.

He moved behind her and wrapped his hands around her front, cloaking her in his natural warmth.

‘Let’s go inside, yeah?’ He murmured in her ear, and all she could do was nod.

***

The dim light above the door lit up as she turned the key in the cottage door and jiggled it while shoving it open. She knew the little knack to it by now. He followed her through the gate and up the garden path. He was pulling a large suitcase behind him while struggling with two duffle bags slung over his shoulders.

The empty cottage was cold, having been vacant for months. She reached to her left and switched on the hallway lamp, then pushed the front door wide open to make space for him to come in behind her. He pushed the front door shut and dropped the duffels and suitcase on the faded rug.

The house may have been cold, but being back there brought feelings of warmth back to her. The times she had stayed over, listening to music, watching films, fucking.

‘Why don’t you go upstairs while I turn the heating on?’ He suggested, resting a hand on her waist and stooping down to place a soft kiss on her shoulder. The butterflies that had been there since the moment she saw him earlier in the night went crazy. She nodded, and headed up the narrow stairs.

The fourth step creaked loudly, bringing a smile to her face. They would always take care to avoid that step if they came in late at night so as not to wake up his housemate Larry. Larry had chosen to go to a bar with the other guys after the gig, saying he couldn’t wait for a beer. She suspected he really was going to give them some privacy in the cottage. She navigated her way across the landing in the dark, pushing the last door to the right open. She could hear Van downstairs opening and closing cupboards. She moved across the room to turn his bedside lamp on, but tripped over something on the floor, probably a shoe. She cursed as her toe throbbed and hobbled to the bedside table, switching the lamp on. The light revealed a messy floor, clothes and shoes strewn across the carpet. The bed was roughly made, with a couple of records sat on the covers. She smiled as she pictured Van packing last minute before tour, in a rush because he’d spent the night with her.

‘There should be some clothes in the second drawer if you wanna get changed’ He called up the stairs to her. She responded with a thank you and kicked off her strappy heels, placing them under his wooden bed frame.

She opened the top drawer in his dresser, and found a pair of boxers at the back of the drawer which she knew he never wore, and an oversized flannel shirt. As she slid the shirt over her head, inhaled the musky, woody scent of Van, with only a hint of cigarette smoke. Spotting a pair of thick white socks in the drawer, she slipped those on and set about closing the curtains and fixing the bed. Van was bound to crash from the post-gig adrenaline rush and jet lag soon, and she thought he might appreciate if she cleared his floor quickly.

The bedroom door opened, and he appeared with two steaming mugs. ‘Sorry I’ve not got any milk for tea so it’s instant hot chocolate instead’ He smiled and handed her a mug before setting his own down on a bedside table and kicking his boots off. He put on a record- The Kooks- then sat next to her on the bed while she moved underneath the covers.

‘Thanks’ She sighed contentedly as she sipped the hot drink and sank further under the covers. His stomach flipped at seeing her in his home, so comfortable and looking like she belonged in his clothes.

As they drank their hot chocolate, he began to tell her stories from tour. His favourite gigs, his least favourites. The sights he had seen, the laughs with the lads. She stared at him while he talked, loving how animated he became and fascinated by the stories he had to tell.

‘Larry won’t stop goin’ on at me though, cos there was this one night, they swear it was the best night of the year. So we went to this right wicked bar in New York and this girl Emily- someone Bondy met a few years ago- brought her friends over. But I missed a lot of the night. They said they think they broke some world record or summat’ He chuckled, but his face told her there was more to the story.

‘Well, it sounds like you had a really good time while you were away.’ She was equal parts happy for him and jealous of his time that all those other people and places got. She set her mug down onto the floor and rolled over, resting her elbows on his chest and looking up at him through her hair that fell forward on her face. He looked beautiful from any angle, but from here she could see his long, dark eyelashes perfectly. She could see the slight smudge of mascara under his bottom lashes.

Looking down at her, Van thought this might be his favourite view of her. Aside from her being naked underneath him. ‘Yeah, it was great, mind.’ He hesitated, considering his next words carefully. He was usually confident, reckless even, with his words. This though, was new territory. ‘I missed ya, though.’

She looked down at his necklace, began twirling it between her finger, unable to look him in the eye. A hint of a smile that she was trying to fight broke out on her face. ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I… missed you, too.’ She had, of course. She was just still so scared to show how she felt about him, not wanting to mess things up and lose him.

‘Yeah?’ Humour coloured his voice, his lips matching hers in a subtle smile.

‘Yeah.’

She huffed a quiet laugh and dipped her head down to try and conceal her blush.

‘How much?’ She was sure he was teasing her now, trying to draw things out of her that she was, rather pathetically, being too shy to reveal. ‘A little, or a lot?’

‘Ahh’ She groaned. ‘A little, tiny bit’. She held her hand up, indicating with her fingers the little bit she was talking about.

‘Oh really?’ He was teasing again, but decided to keep pushing. ‘But see, I missed you more than that. Quite a bit more actually. Thought about you a lot.’

Her stomach fluttered. Was she picking up the right vibe? Or was she overthinking? Fuck it. ‘I missed you. Loads. And I’ve been thinking about you, too.’

This conversation was painfully slow and awkward. But his heartbeat was picking up pace, feeling as though she might feel the same as he did. Grow up, he thought to himself.

He placed his hand under her chin and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear so he could see her face more clearly. Her hazel eyes looked more brown than green in this light, which he knew she would hate but he thought they were perfect. Her top lip had a scar that was only visible in dim lights like this. He wondered how he could have ever had any doubt whether he wanted to commit to a relationship with this woman. The way he saw it now, he didn’t have a choice.

‘Babe, I think this is something more than just fun, for me. Do- I mean, what d’ya think?’ He was twirling a strand of her hair round his fingers, watching her eyes intently.

Her grin made his heart beat faster, but in a good way. She leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his lips. It was cheesy as fuck, but they grinned as they kissed. She ran her hands through his hair, she’d missed that feeling. And fuck, he gripped her waist, hidden beneath his clothes, which hung from her body in the sexiest way possible. She felt him pull her all the way on top of him, deepening their kiss. This time, it was slower than right after the gig. It was lazier- no, not lazy. It was them taking their time, drawing the moment out. Exploring again.

He lifted his shirt higher up her back, running his hands up her spine. Further, around her ribs and up to cup her bare breasts. He began rubbing around her nipples softly, loving the soft moans it elicited. She pushed her chest further into his hands. Breaking their kiss, he lifted her arms in the air. Slowly, teasingly, he ran his hands down her arms, trailing down her ribs until he reached the hem of the shirt. He pulled it over her head and threw it somewhere across the room. Van wasted no time leaning in to suck a nipple, toying the other one with one hand and peeking up at her face, angelic and beautiful.

She placed her knees on either side of him, naturally, instinctively moving her hips to grind against his crotch. She began to unbutton his black shirt, slowly revealing his chest. She pulled back and lifted off of his lap so he could sit up and take the shirt off. She worked on unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. There was no slow and sexy way to take off his skinny jeans, he jumped up and removed one leg first, hopping while pulling them off the other leg. She kicked off her (his) socks and then took off the boxers she wore.

He playfully shoved her back on the bed, making her squeal and laugh. The got tangled in each other, kissing and laughing, feeling each other’s bodies properly for the first time in more than 6 months. They’d both been fantasising about being able to do this for so long. And they were both so ready.

He hooked his arm under her leg and positioned himself at her entrance, marvelling at her naked body, even better than he remembered, even better than the late-night fantasies. As he pushed inside, he realised he’d missed that little gasp she did every time, the way her nose and brow scrunched up. She wrapped her legs around him as he pushed into her, slowly. This time wasn’t like all the other times before, it wasn’t even like the time earlier. It was so much more. This time, all the emotions that had been building up from the last 6 months, even the last year or more. Since the moment they met, this connection and intensity had been building.

She had known he didn’t want to commit to a relationship, and she hadn’t pushed for it because she had been having fun, liking where it was going. He knew he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her but had been so stupid, not wanting to commit to her. It was just he had seen relationships fail because he wasn’t always around, and there were always women and drugs and late nights. None of that mattered. He’d been falling for her before he left for tour. He’d thought it would kill him to leave her that night. Realising that he wasn’t interested in women and late nights the way he was before, he’d rather call her, wait for her call. And this time round it was more than he would have imagined.

He thrusted hard, but slow. Keeping the pace, wanting it to last. The sex was always good, but she could have sworn there was something this time that made it as good as it could get. His stare made her body buzz again, like an out of body feeling.

She gently pushed his chest back, until he was sitting up. She climbed onto his lap and sat down on him, wrapping her hands around his neck. Keeping their stare unbroken, she began to ride him just how she knew drove him crazy, slowly, steady rhythm.

‘Fuck… just like that’ He groaned, gripping her bum as she bounced. His groans spurred her on, wanting to make him feel good. ‘Ohh, that’s it, babe.’

She kept going, feeling him so deep and hitting that angle just right. As he chased his orgasm, he started thrusting up into her. Soon, they were both gripping each other tightly, matching each other’s pace.

‘Ahh, Van’ She moaned into his hair, as their peaks came closer and closer. The sound of skin slapping, the bed frame squeaking and both of them moaning echoed through the room, through the whole cottage.

She exploded first, tightening around him and pushing herself further onto him. He cried out at the sensation of her wrapping around him. Then he cried out as he came undone, tugging on her hair.

They sat like that, her on top of his lap with her legs wrapped round his torso for a moment. He broke the silence first. ‘I love you’.

Her heart skipped a beat. She should probably see a doctor at this point, with how irregular her heartbeat was around him. ‘Pillow talk, Van.’ She teased, not wanting to get her hopes up. She already couldn’t believe her luck at him wanting to be with her- only her- she was afraid he was getting caught up in the moment, the passion and saying things he wouldn’t mean tomorrow.

He gently lifted her up from his lap and laid her back on the bed. Feeling his cum run down her legs again, she asked ‘What did you do with my underwear?’ with a laugh.

He laughed ‘Fucked them in the kitchen bin. Hold on here a second.’ He left the room for a few moments, still naked. He returned with a damp towel and a smile, coming to gently wipe between her legs, then throwing the towel in the laundry basket.

He threw himself back on the bed next to her, holding an arm out until she lifted her head and rested it on his shoulder, nuzzling in.

‘I meant it, ya know.’

‘Will you mean it in the morning?’ She hated how insecure she sounded. She never wanted to be that girl; she wasn’t that girl. She just needed to know it was real.

‘I’ll love you tomorrow, and the day after that, and for as long as you’ll have me. I wouldn’t mess with you about that. I’ve fucking missed you this whole time. I love you.’

She couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. ‘I love you, too.’

‘So, you wanna give this a go then?’ He was stroking her shoulder lazily. And it felt like this was where they were meant to be. ‘Cos I’m all in.’

[timeforaciggy]

I’m back my friends! I want to say how much I appreciate the messages & lovely support for my work. It’s something I’ll truly never be able to express enough, how loved, how inspired, and (how even in the worst times,) motivated by this community and what it creates. It truly makes me feel loved, and that although I haven’t been posting and writing frequently, you all are still here. With that being said, I am going to continue trying to do what I love and that’s writing about these lads I know I can’t be the only one out of all of us that still have their heart race when even seeing a wholesale pic of them :,).

Looking forward to your ideas/prompts/suggestions/requests! (Or even just to talk!)

Don’t be shy!

-abs Xx. 🖤

[your-divine-ribs]

Showtime

Words: 5k

This one has been sat unfinished in my drafts since the summer - I’m sorry! // Van’s feeling nervous before his big comeback show so you take matters into your own hands to help him relax // smut 🤭

Imagines Masterlist Main Masterlist

Three years. Three long years... well two years, 9 months and 5 weeks to be precise. 1040 days. Not that you've been counting. You didn't need to. The fan blogs online had taken care of that for you. A smile stretches wide on your lips as you tilt your phone towards your boyfriend to show him the Instagram story that you've just clicked on.

"Look at this... they've even got a little countdown clock on this one! They can't wait to see you, I'm telling you. The atmosphere's going to be incredible, it'll be the best show yet, you'll see."

It was the moment that you'd both been waiting for, but you'd be lying if you told your boyfriend that you'd always known it would finally come. There were days where you didn't think he'd even pick up his guitar again, let alone stand in front of a crowd of 32,000 adoring fans all chanting his name. Those were dark days full of pain and grief and regret. You'd had to watch your usually exuberant boyfriend get eaten away slowly by a crippling self-doubt that had plagued him every time he'd attempted to put pen to paper, the lyrics that usually flowed so easily drying up like a shallow well on a scorching hot summer's day. It was hard to think about now and to be honest you tried not to, the memories of spilt tears and sleepless nights and heated exchanges fuelled by both your frustrations starting to fade as hope had finally emerged like the dawn of a new day.

But now the insecurities were back. You can see the tightness in his jaw, his lips red and sore where he's been gnawing at them, the tension in his frame as he shifts where he sits.

"Had the dream again last night." His voice is all pinched and tight with anxiety. He barely looks at the phone screen in your outstretched hand, eyes darting away quickly as he fumbles in his jacket pocket for his cigarettes. "It's the same every time. I open my mouth to sing and nothing comes out. Nothing at all. Nada. Not even a squeak."

He sighs, slipping a cigarette between his lips and sparking up his lighter, but you don't give the flame a chance to ignite. You reach forward, snatching the cigarette clean away.

"You might well lose your voice if you carry on chain-smoking like that. You've only just put one out!"

You tut playfully at him, ignoring his obvious dismay as you reach over to also take the half empty cigarette packet from him.

"But babe... it's good for the nerves," he protests, holding out a hand palm down, fingers spread. "Look at me, I'm fucking shaking!"

It's hard seeing him like this, riddled with obvious nerves and apprehension, his normally confident demeanour decimated by the long absence from performing. With only half an hour to go until showtime you know Van has to snap out of it and fast. You're terrified of him stepping out on to the stage and freezing up. The cutting comments and cruel observations about him being 'past it', 'off his head on drugs' or just plain incapable of carrying out his usual brand of lively performance had cut deep after the band's headline Reading set just under three years prior. You know he has to get out of his own head and into his usual energetic stage mode. Rehearsals had gone perfectly but it's different when you're up there under the stage lights and the scrutinising eyes of the fans, some who you know from bitter experience will pick apart a performance just as well as praise it.

"I keep telling you, there's no need to be nervous. Rehearsals have been great, Kai and James have got it all down perfectly." You rise up on to your feet, stepping over to look down on him. "Soundcheck was fine. You just need to go out there and let it flow, don't overthink it. How many times have you played these songs before? It must come as naturally to you as breathing by now."

"I know what you're saying love and I wish it was that simple." He lets out another sigh, frustrated with himself, his head falling back on to the sofa where he sits, his eyes screwing shut. "I don't know what it is, I never used to care about the critics, but now it's all I can think of. There's so much riding on this gig. If I go and fuck it up..."

"You are not going to fuck it up," you cut him off sternly, reaching for his hands and entwining your fingers with his. Your legs are pressed into the edge of the sofa in the space between his spread thighs and you have the sudden urge to be even closer to him, clambering up until you're straddling him, a knee on either side of his hips. His eyes flick open in an instant as he feels the pressure of you sitting in his lap, but he doesn't react, little creases of worry still crinkling his forehead. You decide to carry on with your pep-talk, on a mission to soothe away his concerns.

"What could possibly go wrong? You've sold out practically every show on this comeback tour so you know the fans are excited to have you back. You've been rehearsing like crazy and you know the setlist inside out. The fans are gonna go wild when they see you. You look amazing tonight..."

"Oh I dunno about that," he huffs quietly, face scrunching in disagreement. "It's not like I'm in my twenties anymore. I wish I still was, I didn't give a fuck back then. Not sure if I've still got it. Don't know if I look the part anymore."

"What are you talking about?" You laugh, pulling his hands into your lap, squeezing them in encouragement. "You're turning 32 in a few weeks, not 62! You're not exactly past it yet. You're still as gorgeous as the day I first laid eyes on you... even better in fact."

Sometimes it exasperates you how the niggling little insecurities about his appearance that manifested in his awkward teenage years still afflict him. Not even hordes of adoring fans spouting their devotion all over social media are enough to chase away the self-doubts. And no one else gets to sees this vulnerability except you, his confident on-stage presence often viewed as some kind of cocky arrogance that he doesn't care what people think of him.

"You would say that," he finally cracks a grin. "You're biased. You're my girlfriend after all, you gotta be nice to me."

"But I'm not just saying it, I mean it." You smile down on him and he looks right back, stunning blue-green eyes over-flowing with love and affection as he hangs on your every word. "You're gonna wow 'em like you always do. You look every inch the cool rockstar... especially now with this..."

You raise up a hand to brush his hair back off his face, letting your fingers rake through his long locks, your fingernails gently scratching at his scalp. He lets his head lol back against the sofa, lips quirking into a satisfied smile as he basks in your adoring attention. If it wasn't for the loud thud of the bass from the support act on stage filtering through the thin walls of the trailer you swear you'd be able to hear him purring.

"Mmm... I don't know... maybe I should have had it cut short after all," he muses, smirking at your overdramatic look of faux horror at the suggestion.

"Nuh-uh," you shake your head emphatically. "You're never cutting it, not now. I absolutely love it long like this, I really do... and besides..." now it's your turn to smirk, your voice taking on a playful tone "... if you do cut it short again I wouldn't be able to do this then, would I?"

As you speak you bury your hand deep into the roots of his hair, twisting it through your fingers as you wind it tightly into a fist, a firm tug to tip his head even further back, elongating his neck.

A soft growl emanates from the back of his throat, an involuntary reaction to your playful teasing. You'd never realised you were such a fan of long hair on guys before your boyfriend decided to grow his out, and that revelation had come hand in hand with another more surprising one... an accidental but very welcome discovery of one of Van's hidden kinks. He got off on having his hair pulled.

You catch your bottom lip in your teeth to stifle a giggle at his reaction, loving the dusting of colour that springs to his cheeks and the glaze of lust that clouds his eyes. You just tug even harder, exposing more of his throat which you waste no time in pressing your lips up against.

"Babe..." he whines in a strangled tone, his hips pressing upwards as you gently grind down on his lap simultaneously. "What d'ya think ya doing? You can't get me all fired up right now before I go out on stage. I can't perform with a massive boner, can I?"

You chuckle against the skin of his neck, not letting up the subtle but insistent rock of your hips, relishing the way you can reduce him to malleable putty in your hands within minutes.

"Definitely not... not with these skin-tight jeans on anyway."

You slip your free hand down between your bodies as if to demonstrate, cupping his crotch through the denim and rubbing firmly until he releases a throaty groan full of need.

"I'm serious love, I've got enough to worry about remembering the words and timings without trying to conceal a raging hard-on. Much as I'd love to fuck you before I go on we haven't got time for this."

He doesn't stop you though, addicted to your tempting caresses, eyes fluttering shut in bliss as he succumbs to your wilful seduction. The cool scent of his cologne fills your nostrils as you take the sensitive skin of his neck between your teeth and suck a small bruise, all the time kneading his ever-growing bulge.

"Who said anything about fucking?" You whisper into the shell of his ear, nipping his ear lobe as you pull back to press hot, wet kisses down the line of his lightly stubbled jaw.

"Then what are ya... oh... oh shit... you really wanna do this... now?"

His voice takes on an intonation of understanding as you shift your position, your movements slow and measured as you push yourself off his lap to rise up temporarily, only to sink down on to the floor at the foot of the sofa. You maintain eye contact with him the whole time, letting your tongue run over your bottom lip as your hands work on the zipper of his jeans.

"Just wanna get my man feeling all confident and hyped up ready for his big show, that's all," you tell him, sultry sweet combined with a wide-eyed coyness that he won't be able to resist. You know that the best cure for his untimely stage fright is a big distraction, and you just happen to know the most effective way to deliver it, a sordid method that will transform him from a shaky bundle of nerves into the relaxed and confident, charismatic frontman that the fans know and love so well.

"Shit... this is much better prep than vocal warm-ups," he grins mischievously, fully on board with the idea as he lifts his hips up off the seat to assist you with tugging his jeans down. "But what if someone comes in?"

"Don't worry I'll be quick," you smirk up at him devilishly, fingers already hooking under the waistband of his boxers to ease them down. "I'm very... efficient."

"You bloody are love," he chuckles in agreement, sighing in appreciation as his thick cock springs free and your fingers immediately wrap around it. "You know exactly what I like... fuck... how can you be so goddamn hot?"

You smile at his praise, leaning in but not taking him into your mouth just yet, brazenly meeting his hungry gaze as you extend your tongue to slowly kitten lick the tip of his cock. He watches your every move like a hawk, entranced by your sensual display.

"You're a fucking dream," he murmurs, swallowing thickly. "Can't believe I'm just about to walk out on stage in front of all those people and you're in here right now doing this to me."

"If only they knew," you grin, pursing your lips to let a gob of saliva dribble down over your bottom lip and drip on to the head of his cock, spreading it around with your thumb. You know you need to be quick but you don't want to be too hasty. You can't bear to rush things with Van, he just looks too good when you're pleasing him, he sounds too good, the way the pleasure creases his gorgeous face and his delectable little sighs and needy moans, it sets your blood alight.

He squirms where he sits, the fingers of one hand gripping on to the arm of the chair as if to ground himself, the other finding its way to the back of your head where it tangles in your hair.

"If only they knew what a dirty girl yer were eh?" He mutters, teeth digging into his plump lower lip as your tongue laps at his slit, fingers slowly and deliberately pumping his spit-slicked length. "Christ you're amazing... but you're too good at this... fuck..."

"Too good?" You pull away temporarily to look up at him with wide innocent eyes, playing dumb even though the sultry curve of your lips tells a different story. "You complaining about my technique huh? Maybe you want me to stop? Give you a breather?"

"No way," he's quick to reply, long fingers flexing in your hair as he attempts to guide your head back down. "Please don't stop... not now... you got me so fucking hard... I need ya... you know how much I do."

His need for you is intoxicating, the way his hips twitch upwards and his grip tightens in your hair as you gently suckle on his tip. You're holding back from giving him exactly what he wants though, knowing your calculated hesitance will ramp up his desperation and in turn light the fire that's needed to stoke his confidence.

"Babe..." he pleads, low and drawn out, his jaw clenching tight as he struggles to maintain his composure. You reward his need with a swirl of your tongue, your free hand reaching up to cup his balls whilst you steadily caress his length with the other. The strangled sounds drifting down from above tell you he's almost forgotten how to breathe.

"Love... please," he murmurs, his voice thick and strained with want, his eyes hooded and dark.

He's so expressive when you tease him it's hard not to lose control yourself, your thighs clenching together as he lets out another stifled moan. If both your hands weren't occupied right now you'd be slipping one inside your panties to quell the ache that's pulsing there. There's plenty of time for that later though. You know all too well the adrenaline will still be thrumming  through his veins when he comes off stage and you've been on the receiving end of his post-gig passion enough times to know that he'll certainly be more than happy to return the favour then.

"What's up?" You say sweetly, looking up at him with an impish smile, fingers never stopping their slow, teasing dance up and down his length. A little firmer but not quite firm enough. Not giving him that delicious friction that he's craving so badly.

"You know damn well what's up," He groans, cheeks flushed and rosy as he gazes down on you. "Quit teasing me would ya? I'm on in just over twenty minutes! You said you were gonna be quick!"

And this is the plan. Despite his obvious enjoyment at your attentions you can clearly see the tension still lingering in his frame. The air of the trailer is thick with it, that pre-performance anticipation that frazzles nerves and shakes up confidence still drenching him in self-doubt. You need him to forget all about it, you need him clear his head and lose himself in the moment. You want him to feel that heady power that comes from being thoroughly desired.

"Well you'd better tell me exactly what you want then," you say, nuzzling into the soft flesh as you press a lingering kiss to the underside of his cock, scattering wet kisses all over his length.

"Shit," he hisses, his shaky voice almost a whine. "I want... I want... uhhhhh fuck..."

He's struggling to get his words out, choked with need, shuddering as you tighten your grip on him, pumping him a little faster.

"What was that, I didn't quite catch it?" You tease, relishing the warm, solid feel of him in your palm, the way his cock swells even more in anticipation.

He's looking down on you, heavily-lidded eyes clouded with desire. His bottom lip's pulled in between his teeth, bitten in frustration, his cock rock hard, the pretty flushed pink tip glistening with his arousal.

"Hmm?" You prompt, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

"Fuck," he groans, drawn out and needy. "Want you... want your lips around my cock. Want you to suck me dry... please... your mouth's like heaven. Need it so bad."

His needy pleas of desperation are like music to your ears and you know you can't hold back any longer. You fix him with a steady gaze, keeping your eyes firmly on his as you dip your head, humming an appreciation as you lap again at the head of his cock. You taste the sweet tang of the pre-cum that's already beaded there, swirling your tongue around and around, savouring his taste. You give him a few purposeful tugs as you suck teasingly on his tip, then you widen your mouth to slide your lips downwards. He immediately melts into the couch, babbling mindlessly.

"That's it love... that's it... fuck... you look so good with your mouth full of me... oh god... you're amazing... just look at you..."

If your lips weren't wrapped around his cock you'd be grinning smugly from ear to ear, satisfied to see his eyes roll back in his head as he lets out the most sinful of moans. You flatten your tongue on the underside of his length as you pull back, pursing your lips and hollowing out your cheeks before you slide back down again. You take him even deeper this time, testing your limits, not stopping until your nose brushes the thatch of dark curls at the base of his dick and you feel him nudge the back of your throat. Your eyes immediately start to blur with tears but you don't stop, loving the effect you have on him too much to worry about ruining your carefully applied eyeliner.

"Holy fucking shit," he whimpers out, his thighs already starting to tremble. "Feels so fucking good... christ babe... am gonna blow my load if ya keep doing that."

You keep your eyes trained on him as you begin to bob your head even faster, watching his jaw fall slack, his chest rising and falling quickly with huge gasping breaths. He's fucking irresistible like this, soft and compliant in your hands, the fact that you're the one making him fall apart so utterly consuming it makes you breathless with your own need. You're just glad you're down on your knees for him because the sight of him completely unravelling before your eyes like this is enough to knock the wind right out of you.

"Fuck... I'm close already... like that, just like that... please don't stop... ughhh... you've got no idea how good that feels."

He shudders in ecstasy, his hips rising up in little waves to meet the rhythm you've set with your lips. The hand in your hair suddenly tightens its grip, hard, making you hiss around his length. Your discomfort's the last thing on your mind though, in fact it spurs you on, turning you on beyond belief that you've got him losing his goddamn mind like this, any semblance of self-control completely obliterated as he starts to writhe in the seat, the sluttiest, filthiest groans spilling from his lips.

There's tiny beads of sweat glistening on his collar bones where his shirt's unbuttoned, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he sucks in shallow breaths. His long neck's littered with a few tiny purple bruises, your earlier handiwork. You know you probably shouldn't have marked him up like that right before a show but there's a mischievous side of you that loves the idea of showing the world that he's yours and yours alone.

You're on a mission to make him come now, aware that time is getting tight and the risk of getting caught like this will only increase as the minutes tick by. Luckily for you you're so familiar with what he likes, you know all the little tricks that will reduce him to a moaning, whimpering mess under your touch. You moan around his shaft, the vibrations inching him even closer to the edge, his balls drawing up tight in your palm as you massage them gently, your other hand pumping his length fast and slick. His hips have taken on mind of their own, shamelessly bucking upwards as he fucks himself into your eager mouth.

"Fucking... love you... Y/N," he gasps out in between his gorgeous sounds, head thrown back as he lets the ecstasy take over, drowning in it, finally letting himself go.

You keep your eyes on him as you double your efforts, not wanting to miss a second of him falling apart. This is what you wanted, to see him totally unwind, his head clear of all thoughts apart from you and your lips and your tongue. He's totally wrecked, his handsome face contorted in pleasure and his jaw fallen completely slack. He's all breathy sighs and raw groans, praises and curses rolling off his tongue as he pushes your head firmly down, finally taking control so he can feel the blissful sensation of your throat constricting around him.

"That's it baby... that's it... take all of me... good girl... ughhh..."

You swallow down a gag, fighting the urge to splutter as you feel his cock pulsing hot and heavy on your tongue, his release spurting into your mouth and coating the back of your throat. His grip on your hair immediately loosens as his body falls slack and you pull back, gasping for breath, giving him a few more deliberate tugs just to hear him whimper from the sensitivity.

"Feeling all better now?" You smirk up at him, mightily pleased with yourself as you watch him fighting to control his breathing, his eyes glazed over and his expression dazed.

"Oh my god yes, you're unreal... that was amazing," he mutters, chuckling quietly to himself as he tucks his softening cock back inside his underwear, shunting his hips up off the chair so he can tug up his jeans. "And exactly what I needed... feel like I could take on the world after that!"

"How about playing a headline show?" You grin up at him, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand, savouring the sweet-salty taste of him that still lingers on your tongue.

"I reckon," he smiles back, eyes twinkling with that same old magical spark of excitement he always used to get before performing that's been absent these past few years. God how you've missed it. "You always know what I need love... every single time. How do you do that? C'mon, come up here, come and sit with me for a while. Reckon we've still got a few minutes before I need to get my shit together."

He reaches down for your hand which you take and he pulls you up on to your feet, and then he's pulling you gently down, urging you to take a seat on his lap. You scramble up, curling your body around him and resting your head on his shoulder, pressing your lips gently to his neck as you mumble against the warmth of his skin.

"I knew I needed you to get out of your head for a little while to get you to stop overthinking everything and clear your mind. Knew I had to find a way to distract you."

"You certainly did that," he huffs out a warm breathy laugh, shaking his head. "Reckon I need you on hand before every show from now on. Might even add you to my rider."

You giggle, sitting up a little straighter so you're both on eye level, your lips curving into a suggestive smirk. "Well, that's a service I can certainly provide... maybe I'll throw in a few extras back at the hotel too later if you play your cards right."

"Babe, if ya keep looking at me like that we're not even gonna make it back to the hotel after," he grins. "You know how I get when I come off stage. Fuck... I can feel it now, all that adrenaline.  Can't believe I'm just about to go back out there."

"You're gonna kill it, just like you do every single time. The fans adore you, why else would you sell out all these gigs, huh?" You raise up a hand to brush back a few sweat-dampened strands of hair from his forehead, letting your fingers run through his long locks. "They're here to see you doing what you do best, what you love, what they've been missing all these years... and you're gonna go out there and give them one of the best nights out that they're still gonna be talking about weeks and months from now... hell, maybe even years!"

"A little piece of Catfish history, huh?" He nods, eyes bright and eager, nerves melting away by the second as excitement starts to take over.

"A big piece, I'd say," you reply. A shiver of excitement courses through you as you hear the pre-show music suddenly fall quiet, a short pause before the opening bars of Dean Martin's Ain't That a Kick in the Head blare out of the onstage speakers. All at once the crowd noise which had been simmering at a low murmur swells into a cacophony of screams and whoops and whistles. The noise is muted back here in the trailer but you swear you can even pick out some individual cheers of devotion as the diehard fans who've been counting down this moment for years get caught up in the exhilarating anticipation of seeing their favourite band once again.

"Shit love, this is it. This is really happening," he breathes, blowing out a shaky exhale through his pursed lips. You can feel the tension in his limbs but it's not just nerves now, every muscle and tendon in his body reacting to the adrenaline rush pulsing through his veins, the excitement mounting.

"C'mon then, you'd better go... Helter Skelter's gonna start up any second now."

You slip down off his lap just as the trailer door swings inwards and you both turn to see Benji standing there, nervous excitement clear on his face. "You all ready mate? Stage manager's been pacing like crazy for the past half an hour. Reckon he thought you'd lost your nerve shutting yourself away in here like this..." his eyes flit to you and a cheeky smirk breaks out. "Of course I told him not to worry, I knew Y/N would be in here with you giving you one of her... ahem... infamous pep talks..."

He chuckles, his attention darting back to Van who's just realised as he rises up on to his feet that his flies are still undone, his face flushing beetroot red as he fumbles with his zipper. "Ahh crap! Works a treat though Blakes, I'm telling ya... you should definitely try it!"

"Oh my god, shut up you two," you giggle shyly, your own cheeks warming to the same hue. "Now go on... get on out there... don't keep the fans waiting!"

Benji turns to walk away and Van goes to follow him, but he comes to a stop, turning to you and cupping your face in his hands, pressing his lips hard against yours in a passionate kiss which leaves you breathless as he pulls back.

“Love you so much Y/N… and thank you…”

“You don’t have to thank me silly,” you smile, hands curled around his waist, your hips knocking together. “Like I say, it’s all part of the service!”

“I don’t mean just for that!” He laughs, his thumbs tenderly stroking your cheeks, his eyes pooling with tenderness and affection. “I mean for putting up with me these past few years. I know it’s been a tough ride and I’ve not always been easy to be around… but having you there by my side’s the only thing that’s got me through. You believed in me when no one else did.”

“I’m not the only one who believed in you,” you nod your head in the direction of the roaring crowd, watch Van’s smile grow, warm and genuine in a way that makes your heart swell. “They never stopped believing in you either.”

And there he is, the man you fell in love with all those years ago. Full to the brim with confidence, buzzing with the infectious energy that’s radiating off him, back to doing what he loves… what he was always meant to do. It’s Showtime.

[imwriting0verhere]

Van turns 32

“Come on babe, the lads are already waiting. I promise it will be just as fun..” you trail off as you make your way over to Van who’s sulking on your shared bed. You crawl onto the mattress and hover over him with your knees on either side of Van’s hips before you gently sit down. Leaning over him until your chest is flush with his back you start placing small pecks onto his exposed neck and back. Trying to appease him to follow your instructions and get dressed so you can celebrate his birthday with his friends and family down at your local pub. Van wasn’t really the type to make a big fuss of his birthday, and he’d much rather continue to just spend the day at home with you and forget about the rest of the world for a bit.

“I just need you though. I see the lids way too much as it is” he grumbles into the mattress, still not having any of this. So you trail your kisses further up his neck and onto his cheek, slightly moving his hair so you can have a better look at his face “Vaaan” you whine but also can’t help but chuckle at his sullen expression and hard headedness, a true Leo. “Babe I love you but this is silly now. I want to make this day at least a little bit special just for you. And I know your friends want to see you. Please let me do this” you give him your best puppy dog eyes and he’s turning his face towards you to fully see your expression. Not wanting to upset you, he huffs before slowly turning around onto his back with you still secure in his hold. He looks up at you for a few moments before he speaks “Fine, but on one condition” he narrows his eyes at you. You’re just excited that he’s finally given in to you spoiling him and making him feel extra special today. Unable to wipe the grin off your face “Anything” you tell him elated. Van slides his hands from around your waist lower until he’s grasping your bum with a hand on each side before saying “You let me take you home the minute I feel like it’s getting too much”. Leaning down so your face is only inches away from his you mumble an “Okay” before pressing a long kiss onto his lips to seal the deal.

Before Van can even comprehend what’s happening you get up from his lap and pull him along with you, leaving the bed abruptly so the two of you can finally leave the house and meet everyone for Van’s birthday party “Let’s go old man” you giggle as you only hear Van gasp.

———

You make your way into the pub hand in hand, and as soon as you two have been spotted, the guys pull Van into friendly hugs and congratulations. Giving you time to order a pint for you and him before you join the group at the table. Already gone is the sulking Van from just thirty minutes ago, now deeply involved in another bickering match with Larry.

“Nah, tell ‘em what you’ve got me babe!” he shouts and instantly puts his arm around your waist to pull you right next to him on the bench “Y/N/N’s got me the best gift anyways. Larry won’t believe me” Van directs towards you.

“Let’s hear it then, what did you buy him LarrBear?”

“These proper nice socks, look” and he holds up a new pair of baby blue and green striped socks.

“Yeah that’s proper shite Larry” you can’t help but laugh, Van joining in as soon as he sees Larry’s shocked face, offended after making such an effort to buy and gift wrap the item.

“Sorry mate, try again next year” Van’s still laughing softly, reaching over to place a soft kiss onto your forehead before turning back to his friend. “The missus got us new sunglasses. They’re proper class. Must’ve cost a fortune.” Van can’t help but to rile Larry up even more, expressing his gratitude for you at the same time.

“Well only the best for the best” you say with a smirk and place your chin on Vans shoulder, joining in on riling the other man up. Promoting Larry to grunt in annoyance at both of your smug faces.

“Children, what’s going on here then? Need I intervene?” Bondy shouts as him and Benji join the table and as soon as you hear his boisterous voice and see their two smirking faces you know you’re in for a long night. You take a sip of your pint and enjoy the new direction of conversation with the arrival of the two men.

The afternoon passes with more drinks and laughter, games get thrown into the mix and you can tell that Van is having the time of his life and enjoying himself. You’re so happy to see him relaxed and happy.

As you see Mary and Bernie walk through the door to join the lot for tea you already know this will be one of Van’s favourite birthdays and he’ll be so glad to have left your home earlier today.

“Happy birthday son” Bernie announces loudly as the pair walks towards your table and Van welcomes his parents with open arms. You let them have a little moment just the three of them as you know how close Van and his parents are. “Come join us love” Mary announces after a few minutes “You know you don’t have to keep your distance” she shoots you a friendly smile and beckons you over to her for a quick chat as father and son now join the rest of the lads.

“I know, thanks Mary” you give her a quick hug “I just wanted you to have a moment with your son. I get to see him every day” you smile at the older woman. She reciprocates it and warms your heart with what she says next “I know love, I can tell. He hasn’t been this happy and at ease in a long while. And it’s all because of you”. “I..I don’t know what to say. I just want the best for him” as you’re looking over at Van you feel overcome with love and pride for the man. It’s such a blessing to be with him and be loved by him, to know his family sees how much you adore him and how good you are for each other. Van has been such a fighter all his life, and it’s truly because of his parents and all that they’ve done that you can all come together today and celebrate him being in your lives.

“Alright kidda, let’s not get too sentimental. I don’t need to cry in front of this lot” Mary jokes and you see her wipe a stray tear away quickly. You feel exactly the same and try to compose yourself before sitting back down next to your boyfriend.

———

After devouring a hefty roast dinner including Vans favourite, Yorkshire puddings and some of his chocolate birthday cake, it’s getting late now and just as you’re wondering if you should ask Van if he’s ready to leave, you see him retract out of chatting with Bondy to place his hand on your thigh and move his face close to yours “I’m ready to go home my love, what’d ya think?” you hear him say into your ear. You look at his beautiful face and just give a slight nod “Let’s get out of here”.

You both bid your farewells in record time and as the group is shouting after you two to take care, Van grabs your hand and holds the door for you. But before you can get too far ahead he brings you into his chest and starts peppering your cheek and neck with sensual kisses. Van enjoys your reaction as you giggle before a quiet moan escapes you

“I love you so much. That was such a class day and all thanks to you” he mumbles into your skin before taking your face gently into his hands to look at you intently “I’d be absolutely lost without you darling”. You pull him into a kiss and hope that everything you feel for him is conveyed in that one passionate moment so he knows exactly how much he means to you. “I love you so much. Happy birthday my love, I’m so so happy you’ve enjoyed yourself today” and with that Van presses one last kiss onto your awaiting lips before he takes hold of your hand again and leads you up the road for the short walk home.

[catb-fics]

Skin to Skin (Dad Van)

Words: 2k

No warnings just fluff for my Valentine’s countdown // Feeding your baby daughter for the first time 💗

Dad Van Masterlist Main Masterlist

You'd never understood the concept of crying tears of happiness until now. Sweat-soaked and exhausted, your voice hoarse and dry and your muscles strained and weary, you gently cradled the precious and wondrously beautiful new life that was your baby daughter and you sobbed as you watched her through glassy eyes full of tears.

"She's perfect babe, just perfect. I can't believe it. You did so good... I can't believe that she's ours..."

Van's voice is tight and shaky as he loses the fight to hold back his own tears, wiping them away with the cuff of his shirt sleeve as they track down his cheeks. You wrench your eyes away from your perfect little miracle to look up at him, so much love flowing between you at that moment as you soak up the realisation that you're parents now, no longer just a couple but a family.

"She's beautiful Van. Just look at her. Look at her little nose... and lips... and fingers. Everything's so tiny! I think she has your features, she definitely has your eyes. I think she looks like you already."

You both look down again at the little bundle, all swaddled up in a blanket, big expressive eyes wide open and gazing up at you and it hits you then. This is just the beginning.

You'd thought the birth was the hard part but the visceral pain of labour had already started to dull the moment the midwife had checked over and weighed your daughter and placed her in your arms. The hard parts are up ahead, the sleepless nights and the new-mum worries, the realisation that not only have you both created a little human being but now you have to take care of her for the rest of your lives overwhelming you.

"Nah, she's too beautiful to look like me, she's gorgeous, just like her mummy. I'm so proud of you Y/N, you were amazing. I'm in absolute awe of you love."

His eyes glow with adoration as he looks between you both, slipping an arm around your shoulder as he snuggles in even closer to you on the hospital bed.

"I couldn't have done it without you," you tell him, resting your head his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too... so much," he mumbles into your hair, planting a soft kiss there before he turns his attention back to his little girl, leaning right over her, a fingertip gently running over the apple of her rosy cheek. "Hey there baby girl, I've been waiting so long to meet you... and here you are, more beautiful than I ever could've imagined."

She makes a soft gurgling cooing noise, stretching out a tiny arm, her hand coming to rest on Van's finger. He lets out a delighted chuckle as her small but perfectly formed fingers wrap around his fingertip.

"Look at that! Look at that Y/N! Hey sweetheart, I'm your daddy. I love you so much, me and your mummy love you more than anything. You wouldn't believe."

His voice cracks again as he fights back a fresh round of tears, fascinated and awed by this new life that you've both been blessed with. She blinks up at Van through her long lashes, squirming in your arms, turning her head towards his finger, tiny lips seeking as a small whimper arises.

"I think maybe she's hungry already," you observe. "She definitely takes after you! Are you hungry my little one?"

You shift on the bed, drawing down your nightdress and unclipping your maternity bra, uncertainty taking over as you awkwardly try to manoeuvre your daughter into the position you'd been shown in your ante-natal sessions.

"Are you okay? What can I do? Do ya want a pillow? Here... have one to prop up your arm," Van offers, fussing around you, concern in his eyes as he takes in your worried expression. "Can ya manage? Are ya comfy like that? Shall I get the midwife back?"

"No, no... just let me try," you insist. "It can't be that hard."

Surely it should be the most natural thing in the world? The female human body is literally designed to birth a child and feed and nurture it, but even so your head is full of countless stories you've read on baby blogs online about breast-feeding struggles. Your little girl latches on hungrily but then quickly pulls away, her whimpers growing stronger, her small fingers pawing at your skin.

"Shit... this is harder than it looks," you curse nervously, gathering your baby up in your arms to try switching sides, groans of frustration bursting from you as you struggle to get your positioning right. "Something's wrong, I'm not doing it right. I just can't seem to get it right!"

Your eyes flick up to meet Van's anxious expression but then quickly back down, not wanting him to see the hot tears that are brimming in your eyes. Tears of tiredness and worry and frustration this time.

"You're doing great babe, really... you are. We could just give her a bottle though... just this once... I'm sure it'd be fine..."

"No!" You cut him off bluntly, your voice coming sharper and with more force that you intend. His eyes widen and his face creases and you soften then, quickly checking yourself. "I didn't mean to snap," you explain. "You know I want to do this myself, it's really important to me. I just need a bit of time to get it right... that's all."

"Okay... okay... I just want to do as much as I can. I'm sure you'll be feeding her like a pro in no time though! You can do anything that you set your mind to... you'll see... you always do."

Van grins a warm encouragement, one hand gently stroking at the downy hair on your baby's head, the other smoothing down over your back. You both watch as her tiny lips latch on again, a surprisingly strong suction this time that makes you gasp. You look up at Van, a huge smile of triumph breaking out.

"She's doing it... she's actually doing it!" You whisper, excitedly but quietly lest you break the spell. Van looks back at you with pride and reverence in his eyes, shaking his head slightly like he still can't quite believe that the last tough ten hours of labour since you arrived at the hospital have just taken place.

He leans even closer, peering in wonder as he takes in the scene. "Just look at you both like that... look at her go! She's proper guzzling! S'fuckin' amazing innit?"

"Shh... no swearing, remember?" You gently scold him with a smirk. "Don't want her growing up foul-mouthed like her Daddy!" You're only joking and he knows it, breathing a quiet 'sorry love' in between a whispered laugh.

You're both silent then for a long moment, you leaning into Van's warm embrace, your daughter contentedly suckling at your body's wonderful nourishment, a picture perfect scene that you know will be imprinted in your memories forever.

"How's it feel anyway?" Van breaks the silence eventually, folding the neckline of your nightdress carefully back where it's fallen over your daughter's face.

"It's just... weird... feels weird... kinda strange..." You pause, searching for the right words, quickly adding "in a good way though... a really good way. It feels bloody amazing actually. I can't believe I'm actually doing it. I'm actually feeding our baby Van... our daughter... our little girl. Can you believe it?"

You break off into a delighted giggle, only distracted when the sensation of your baby suckling changes, looking down to see her tiny jaw slacken as her lips purse and pucker as she pulls away. A small trickle of milk pools in the corner of her mouth which you quickly wipe away with a muslin cloth.

"Oh my god look at her!" You laugh, watching her eyelids fluttering as she blinks up at you sleepily, looking almost dazed. "That's the exact same look you get when you've had too much to drink!"

"Milk-drunk!" Van sniggers, lifting his arm away from your shoulder as he shifts on the bed. "Must be good stuff! Not surprising really... considering where it's come from!"

You laugh, nudging him with your elbow lightly, then you set about propping your baby up on your lap, gently rubbing soothing circles on her back which elicits a tiny burp, smiling to yourself that you've already overcome such an important first milestone of motherhood.

You're so caught up on making gooey eyes at your daughter that you don't realise what Van's doing, but detecting movement out the corner of your eye prompts you to look around. To your surprise and puzzlement, Van's sitting there propped up against the headboard of the hospital bed unbuttoning his shirt. The first four buttons are already undone and he's starting on the fifth when you speak, stilling him momentarily.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"It's my turn now, c'mon pass her over," he smiles, popping open the last button and holding out his arms, his shirt falling open to reveal his bare chest.

You just stare at him, completely befuddled, wondering whether maybe he's been sneakily siphoning off some of the gas and air whilst your back's been turned. "C'mon," he urges. "Ya can't keep her all to yourself! I'm desperate to hold her!"

"Sure... sure..." you mumble, gathering up your precious little bundle and getting gingerly to your feet, wincing slightly as you shuffle over to Van. You stop, hovering over him whilst he looks at you expectantly, bursting with eagerness. "What's with stripping off though? I'm not being funny, but you haven't exactly got... the right equipment!"

He grins, shaking his head. "Course not love, but I'm just thinking about what the midwife said... you know, in the ante-natal classes. About how dads could get involved? Skin to skin or summat... s'posed to be a good way to bond."

"Oh... so you were listening then?" You tease good-naturedly, recalling all the daft jokes Van used to relentlessly crack during the sessions, no doubt a cover for the nervousness he'd never admit at the prospect of becoming a dad.

You can see it now, the slight tremble in his hands as you place your baby carefully in his outstretched arms, the gentle way he supports her head and tiny body like she's made of the finest china and he's frightened that she might break.

"Oh wow, she's so tiny... she's as light as a feather. And so, so beautiful... just perfect. How did we create something so perfect, eh?"

You hear him suck in a shaky breath which he blows out quickly, leaning back against the headboard and bringing his daughter closer to his body. He lifts her carefully and positions her so she's pressed flush to his chest, then he begins to untuck the blanket that's swaddled around her, delicately pulling it free.

"Look at you... all wrapped up like a little burrito!" He chuckles. "C'mon sweetheart, come and lie on daddy. Gonna take good care of you... you and your mum. I love you both so much."

He dips his head down to plant a small kiss on your baby's head and she makes a contented cooing sound, nuzzling into his bare chest. He's cradling her with one hand, the other stroking soft, soothing circles on her back. You feel your heart swell with emotion watching the two of them together, your precious little girl so serene and comforted, the way Van looks down at her so dotingly and protective.

"Thank you Y/N," he murmurs, voice a little choked as he looks up, meeting your eyes which again are brimming with tears of emotion, his own looking glossy too.

"For what?"

He smiles, warm and genuine. "For making me so happy. Don't think I've ever felt this happy before... ever."

[thousandfourhundreddays]

Giving this a shameless little boost now that our boys back :)

[vangoddamn]

Masterlist

Just a lil update of the old Masterlist 😉 Always updating the one in my bio so if in need just check that one out for all my posts xx em

Van:

Every other emotion- Promt: could you write maybe something where van and the reader are competetive, alomost like they hate each other but they’re too stubborn to admit themselves that they have feelings for ech other? Warning: Swearing, kinda fluffy at the end, minor sexual 

It’s nice to see you too - y/m has a soft spot for nature. Van has kittens. Oh yeah their neighbours too…….. :0

Hey stranger- When work tires y/n out so much she accidentily falls asleep on a stranges shoulder. Missing her stop and far away from home what does she do?

Suprise! - It’s christmas and y/m feels as if she’s getting a cold. Van drags her out to play in snow…oops

Christmas p1- Cozy christmas vibes Warning: smut ;)

Christmas p2- Buying crimbo gifts with Van :)) Super fluffy!!

Blind dates suck - Y/m has been single a while and so her friend sets up a ‘blind date’, just so happens it’s with Van!  

Coming home - Van and the lids have been away on tour and y/m throws a coming home party! Warning: smut ;)

I told you -y/n gets a tattoo and waits until Van gets home to show him. He shows her how much he likes it… Warning: Smut ;)

Longshot - Y/n reminiscing and thankful she’s still with Van after all the touring and stuff. 

I’d like that- Request: could you possibly do one where y/n is also famous and she meets van at a festival or something and he had a crush on her so they end up hanging out and eventually going out together

Extra lessons- Van helps y/n learn to kiss lol

Lemon world- Request: the reader is introverted and enjoys classical music and those calm stuffs while Van is extroverted and had a taste completely different from hers, and that they are trying hard to like each other taste??

Kiss away my tears- Van kissing y/n’s tears away, y/n gets into a heated argument with someone. Van, picks up y/n and carries/ them out of the room before anyone gets hurt.Warning: hints towards sex

Intertwined - summer vibes in Llandudno, teen Van and y/n coping in the weather :)

Night night- Van gets locked out of his house while his family is gone, so they spend the night at y/n’s place.Warnings- fluffy teen Van at his finest!

Maybe I McCann - Request: Y/n at her graduation with Van.

You make it easy - Request: Quarantine fic!!

Sleepover - Request:staying over at teen van’s house for the first time.

Resolutions are bad - y/n makes a new years resolution, van makes it hard for her to keep.

You’re so perfect- Vans 28th Birthday special!! Warnings: Smut

Road Trip -  Van + y/n + car = road-trip

NSFW Alphabet - WARNING: Smut

Thirst Trap - Requested: Dating would include..

Bite me - 34, 35, 36 - smut September Warnings: Smut

Go slow - Requested: losing ur virginity to van Warnings: smut

Broken legs and love hearts - Van broke his leg and is laid up with a cast. Y/n is sitting next to him, doodling little hearts on their cast to cheer them up.

Bondy:

Into my arms p1 - Y/n has had a long day at work and all she can think of is bondy. Super duper soft!!

Into my arms p2 -Warning: smut, smut, smut oh also smut

Into my arms p3- Warning: more smut (it’s gettin hot in here) cause why not?

Bedhead- Y/n is feeling low and Bondy is there to help her. Fluffy and cute <3

Doll It’s Italy - Going to Itlay with Bondy, lots of cute moments, kind of like a one shot first day there kind of thingy bob!

Quarantine Shenaningans- Request: Bondy Quarantine fic! <3 Warnings: Smut

Pour your heart out- Requested: Dating Bondy would Include..

Impatient - 18, 41 smut September Warnings: Smut/dom kink

Benji:

Cutie patootie - Request: Dating would include..

Take care of me - Meeting up with Benji and you’ve got the snuffles <3

Bob:

Confessions - Request: Falling in love and trying to confess your love. 

Missing you - Picking Bob up from the airport<3

[pacifymebby]

Drapetomania / Van

Request; Van and y/n running away together, you and me against the world vibes.

- - - - - -

You held Vans head in your lap, combing your fingers through his hair, his eyes were open, fixed on the grey sky.

It was warm, one of those days where the air was damp and threatening a thunder storm. Van was trying not to cry. His eyes were read around the rims and you could see the tears there, could see the ache he felt. His jaw tense, his hands clenched holding the sleeves of his jumpers hostage over his fingers.

He was in trouble, totally lost, and you ached to cheer him up. To sooth him.

But hed said so a thousand times now. It was hopeless. He just felt totally helpless.

"Talk to me babe," you said quietly, twisting a loose lock of his hair around your finger. Admiring the structure of his face, the curve of his nose and the pout of his lips. He was on the verge of giving in and yet he still looked perfect to you, not that he'd accept it if you told him so.

"It's nothing love am just tired," he said but it wasn't, you knew that and he knew it was no use trying to pacify you with a line as throwaway as that, so he sighed and he smirked, cracked one of those bitter smiles and ran his hand through his hair, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed. "I am tired," he admitted then, "but its not just that,"

"Go on love," you said softly, stroking his cheek with your thumb, feeling all the tenderness in the world for him. The love of your life. You just wanted to protect him and keep him sheltered from everything. You knew you couldn't but if you could just pick him up and carry him off somewhere the two of you could hideaway forever then you would have done.

"Am just fuckin fed up with everything," he said, "keep hurtin everyone I love, keep fucking everything up... The band especially like... Everythings falling apart and a was so close to doing everything an now I don't know if I'll ever make it... Pushed all me mates away, am everyone's enemy right now..."

"You're not mine," you said, knowing it wasn't as bad as he thought it was anyway. People he'd fallen out with would come round. Everyone knew what he was like. Too passionate. Short temper. Over emotional. A classic Leo.

"You're probably next," he smirked looking defeated, irritating you then, your brow knitting together.

If you'd been anything like Van you'd have taken a comment like that entirely personally. You'd have probably picked a blazing row.

But you weren't like Van at all in that sense. You were the balanced one, the patient one, the calm and consistent one. Everyone always said they were glad he'd found a friend like you, always said he was going to need someone like you to lean on one day. You were certain that this was what they'd meant.

A lot of people had seen it coming.

The fallout, the disaster that struck during covid when all the lads were split up, when they were all forced to go home and Van found that he didn't really have a home to go back to.

He'd pushed everyone away, given up his youth for the band. Spent his 20s touring the world. Didn't really have anything left to show for all that now that the rest of the band had gotten a taste for their home life. Now that the other lads had realised they had other things they cared about, lives they wanted to lead, homes they wanted to make.

"That's not really your call to make is it love," you smirked shrugging his comment off, stroking his cheek with the back of your hand, your knuckles brushing over his stubble gently.

You cradled his head in your lap and leant against the garden wall, taking a cigarette out of your pocket.

"The fuckin label won't leave me alone, telling me I've gotta pull it all together, sayin if a don't start building bridges they're gonna pull out an all..."

"Fuck the label," you said, your protective streak coming out then, shining through with the sharpness, the suddenness of your words. You'd sounded more like Van then.

"Can't do that love they're me livelyhood..." he said looking truly miserable then, "gotta do as am told haven't I or ill lose everything..."

"That's not true Van, they need you just as much as you need them..."

"Nah," he sighed, "cunts like me are ten a penny, am as replaceable as a bloody lightbulb," he grumbled, his defeatist attitude familiar to you. And you couldn't blame him. Deep down you knew he'd have heard that from someone somewhere in the industry. Someone trying to get into his head and manipulate him. That's what the industry was like.

"You're not," you said but it was a feeble denial and it wouldn't be enough to convince Van, "and you know you're just going through a rough patch, nothings hopeless, you can make pals with them all again, you're not unforgivable..."

"Cheers lass, y'know you're too good to me though, av proper fucked it this time am not stupid, everythings fucked..."

"You just need to get away for a little while.." you sighed, it was something you'd been telling him for years now, since the band had gotten big, since the stresses had started. All life's little problems merging into disaster after disaster so that every day seemed to bring its own storm of bad news.

"How can I y/n? Got the fuckin management breathing down me neck 24/7 asking me for updates all the time,"

"Fuck management too," you grumbled feeling the irritation swell inside you, all these people pulling your baby from all sides, fighting over him, fighting him, trying his and your patience, chipping away at his soul.

He used to be such a smiley lad, used to have all this energy and passion and now he was a shell of himself.

Shadowy and sad and heavy hearted.

"Y/N..." he started but you cut him off.

"No i mean it Van, fuck them, turn your phone off, fuckin ignore them for a bit... What do they ever do for you ey? They just pester you and pick at you and get you down and you put up with all this shit from them... You get fuck all in return, they've got no respect for you so fuck em..." you blurted out drawing a chuckle from Van as he pushed himself up. You'd amused him with that outburst and as he looked at you, his eyes sparkling with pride and curiosity, a little astounded by you, he grinned and you blushed biting your lip. You'd surprised yourself too.

"Where'd that come from love," he grinned, his eyes twinkling with amusement at your outburst. You didn't have much of a temper, it didn't surface very often but when it did it always amused him to see you get annoyed.

"Probably from watching you get slowly crushed," you smirked already simmering, already settling down.

"Am not being crushed love," he sighed wrapping his arms around you, "its sweet how defensive you get of me but I'm not that bad," he said already swallowing down his hurt for your sake, pretending he was okay because he'd always been one of those lads who struggled to cry and struggled to be emotional. "You're probably right, I probably just need a holiday," he chuckled.

"So let's go," you said looking at him hopefully. This was the first time he'd ever admitted it. Ever even toyed with the idea of taking a break. Even during lockdown he'd been itching to get back to work, still making plans still writing for the next album, still pestering management about recording. Still desperately pushing on.

You'd tried to get him to settle down then but he never had.

"Y'know I can't y/n," he said rubbing his eyes and shaking his head, making your heart ache again for your best friend.

"Ye doing me head in mccann," you said growling with frustration, "why can't you? What else are you gonna bloody do?"

"I can't just disappear y/n the label would go nuts, they'd be fuckin hunting me down!" he replied his frustration rising once again.

He'd been one of your closest friends your whole life and you were familiar with his way, but even to you this stubborn side was beginning to wear you down.

"So let's go somewhere they won't find us then," you said, hoping he'd acquiesce and come round. Hoping you could tempt him with the thought, "Cmon it'd be grand," you said nudging him in the ribs with your elbow, flashing him a tempting little smile, "just me and you in the middle of nowhere it'd be class, leave your phone here and we'll just duck out of life for a few, you'll feel better.."

"I don't know..." he chewed his cheek, "the label will be pissed..."

"Yeah an how often do they piss you off?" you raised your brow.

You fucking hated his label for what they'd done to your best friend over the years. Gotten into his head, made him feel small and insecure, manipulated him, put him under so much pressure claiming it was how you make a diamond. Left him with nothing but lumps of coal and an empty chest.

"I don't know," he sighed, you could see it in his eyes he wanted to say yes, wanted to say fuck it and runaway with you. You knew you nearly had him. You just weren't sure what could tip his mind until you reached for his hand and locked your fingers with his.

The touch of your gentle fingers on his hand, that changed his mind.

"Cmon Van," you smirked, "runaway with me," you offered him a mischievous little smirk waiting for an answer, one you knew you'd like when you saw the corner of his sulking lips tug into a little smile.

"Fine," he smirked, "go on then love,"

🌟🌿🍂

"We can't WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT TILL TOMORROW!!" you both sang turning the car radio up full volume as Van hit the accelerate and you sped down a country lane, down over a hill so that both your tummies flipped, your faces scrunching as you turned to one another and started giggling.

Youd been driving all day, crossed through the channel tunnel and headed into the south of France. Youd picked a spot in the French countryside, a tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere, some tiny village you were certain only had one shop and one cafe. A few houses scattered. Your cottage a little walk out of town down a winding lane.

It would be the perfect place to hide away for a little while. The perfect place for Van to keep his head down.

You'd both only packed a small bag and Van had left everything to do with the band and his normal, chaotic life behind.

This was going to be your own sanctuary, just the two of you. Him and you against the world. You'd pretend it was home, pretend you never had to go back to real life, even if it wasn't true.

"You gotta know that this is real baby why you wanna fight it its the one thing you can choose!"

"Oh oh ohhhhh"

With the windows rolled down the wind blew through your hair, your feet up on the door, your head resting back against the chair, you smiled up at Van and the goofy grin he wore as he shouted out the words along to the song.

"See, don't you feel better already?" you asked later when you'd fallen out the car together giggling about something dumb.

It was as if the relief had hit you both with a manic kind of adrenaline rush. You hadn't realised you'd been feeling it too, the claustrophobia, the label breathing down your best friends neck, getting to you too, but now that you were here, in the garden of a tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere, you felt the rush of freedom too.

"Aye lass," he grinned, "fucken gorgeous here isn't it..." he smiled looking around, letting out a sigh as he lit up a cigarette. "Can't help but think the label are gonna kill me when I get back though..." he said, wincing at the thought. You chewed your cheek.

All you wanted was for him to forget about them for a day. Just one day worry free.

"Don't think about it," you said knowing he would anyway, knowing he worried about the band more than anything else. Knowing he'd blame himself if it all fell apart. "Cmon," you said, sneaking up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist. You had go stand on tiptoes to rest your chin on his shoulder and you felt him smirking when you lost your balance and had to tighten your grip to keep you both standing up. "Don't you feel at least a little better here... No one knows where y'are, no one can hastle you down the phone about trivial shite..."

"Aye an am all alone with you," he glanced back at you, biting his lip, not realising the shiver that sent down your spine.

He turned around in your arms then, looking down at you, his best friend, his eyes soft with relief, you could see the tension there still, you could see the anxiety and the itch to get back to life, start grafting away again, but you could see too that he was already beginning to settle and that made you smile.

"Be good for you Van," you said quiet words of encouragement supposed to be a gentle nudge.

He took your hand and turned back to the cottage, looking it over once more.

It was less of a cottage and more of a cabin in the woods, small and tucked away, hidden out of sight from the rest of the world. Perfect for you, though it may have been tiny.

"Cmon," he said, "nah one in the world I'd rather be hiding with," he said as you let him tug you towards the cabin door.

"A girlfriend maybe?" you smirked only teasing him, not seeing the way he rolled his eyes at you.

He wouldn't realise till later what he really meant by that eye roll either.

It was a cute little cabin. A bed in the corner, a dusty bookshelf and a rug, an arm chair in the corner by the fire place.

On the opposite wall was a stove and a little fridge, a table for two and a shelf with a jar of sugar and a jar of coffee.

It looked like something out of an olden days fairy tail. So simple but tranquil looking. Nothing here that could drag you unwillingly back to the real world.

"What dya think?" you asked looking to Van hopefully, smiling when you saw the peaceful, far away look in his eyes.

"A think I could stay here for the rest of me life," he smirked dropping his bag down on the floor.

He turned slowly in the center of the room and looked around, from the lamp hanging down from the ceiling, to the half melted candles on the table and in the windowsill.

The bed which was made and stacked with blankets.

"Good," you said biting down a smile of your own as you wandered back to the doorway where you leant in the frame and lit up a cigarette.

You were gazing out into the forest, out at the lake, all the shades of earthy greens and the warm sunlight through the trees. It was a long way from your little shared flat in Manchester. You were a long way from home.

But when Van came up behind you and pinched your cig from your fingers, you felt at home.

"Wanna go for a swim?" you asked looking out at the lake, the still water, the peaceful scene you wanted to melt into.

"Won't it be cold?" he asked, his frown familiar to you as he exhaled smoke and followed your gaze.

"Nah probably not," you lied wanting to get him in the water because you knew it would be good for him. It would be cleansing, and the shock of the cool water would be good for him too, it might release some of that serotonin he was lacking lately.

"Am trusting you y/n this had better not be a..."

"Oh get over yourself," you giggled swatting him away. Stunning him when you pulled your top over your head without thinking, stepping out of your jeans on the spot and abandoning them on the front step.

You turned to him with a smile and laughed at his stunned eyes, his jaw hanging slack.

"Shit... Y/n what're you doin?" he gasped, choking on the smoke of his cig as he tried to avert his gaze, blushing a deep shade of red, his eyes darting back to you only to dart away again immediately.

You let out a laugh, giggling away at his complete over reaction.

"Give over Van, it's only a bra!" you laughed, "thought you'd seen plenty of those by now!"

"A have but not..." he'd been going to say not yours, but when he realised how that would sound he stopped himself. Cut himself short and trailed off, knowing the only way out of this situation would be to pull his tshirt over his head and unbutton his jeans too.

Get you into that lake where he wouldn't be able to see you like that anymore.

Because you'd stunned him for more reasons than one.

You were gorgeous, he'd always thought you were his beautiful best friend but this was something different. Not only had the sight of you shocked him completely, but it had caught him off guard and he hadn't been expecting it to make him feel that way.

So he abandoned his clothes beside yours and ran down to the waters edge closely followed by you.

You hadn't been expecting him to jump off the bank the way he did but one second he was there and the next he was gone and his splash landed on your bare tummy and made you jump.

You gasped watching the space at the waters edge he had just occupied. Watching the ripples of water where he had disturbed the peaceful scene.

"Cmon then love!" he called out to you then, shaking his head, trying his best to hide his shivering, "hurry up!" he grinned as he wiped the water from his eyes.

You watched him with a smile of your own, knowing you were going to have to follow now. His body glistened as the water caught the sunlight, the hairs on his chest dark where they were wet. His pendent gleamed a honey shade of gold around his neck and as you followed the elegant silhouette of his neck to his jaw, your eyes lingered on his lips. They were dappled with water and with sunlight too, and when he licked his lips and grinned at you you could hardly breath. Hypnotised in a way you'd never been before, at least not by your best friend.

"Hurry up darlin," he teased you then splashing the water, laughing when you flinched and jumped back.

"Fine," you sighed dramatically, telling yourself to man up and follow him.

But you didn't have Vans naivety at your advantage, you knew how cold it would be, you knew the sharp shock that would hit you.

But one final look at Van encouraged you and you found yourself compelled to do it for him. To impress him. To be close to him.

You jumped from the same bank as he had and closed your eyes. And though you anticipated the shock of the water you still froze all the same, shrieking and giggling and gasping when you came up for air. You could feel your whole body shivering, but it was invigorating and you loved it and you felt the adrenaline rush you'd been hoping would light Vans spirits.

And then you felt a splash, a tidal wave hitting you in the face, water in your eyes shortly followed by vans laughter when you gasped and flinched again.

"What was that for?" you cried turning to him in search of vengeance.

"That," he said swimming towards you with one push of his arms, "was revenge for tricking me..." he grinned, "its fuckin freezing in here!" he cried then, his eyes really lit up, the flush in his cheeks from the cold the most colour you'd seen in his palor for awhile.

For the first time in forever he looked awake and alive and he didn't look fed up.

"I thought it would be warm!" you cried back in defense, trying to swim away from him only for him to grab your hand and tug you back, his arms wrapping around your waist beneath the surface, trapping your body against his.

You knew what was coming but you didn't have a chance to stop him.

You gasped just in time to take in a breath and brace yourself as he plunged you both underwater once more, laughing when you bobbed back to the surface, all your hair stuck to your face covering your eyes.

His long hair was just as bad as yours and as you reached out to one another trying to help eachother see once again, you both found yourselves giggling and splashing at one another, almost waging an all out water war before you settled.

"Dickhead," you smiled softly splitting Vans fringe down the middle to give him curtains as he pushed your hair back out of your face and tried to tuck some of it behind your ears.

"Knobhead," he smirked back, his hand lingering on your cheek long after he'd cleared your hair from your face.

"Am not," you pouted childishly, unable to hold back your grin when he immediately shot back.

"Are too!"

You smiled up at him, biting your lip, caught between insulting him or kissing him. A thought which had never occurred to you until now. Until that very moment. The two of you stood shoulder depth in the water, looking back at one another, drenched and dripping. His hand still lingering holding your cheek.

You placed your hand carefully on his chest, felt his heart beating beneath your palm.

Your breaths were shallow, the cold or something else you weren't entirely sure.

His breaths were shallow too.

Both of you moved as if hypnotised and when his lips met yours they almost surprised you. As if you hadn't noticed yourself leaning in.

But you had leant in, both of you had been drawn into one another, your lips meeting in the middle. The moment precious. His lips on yours warm. His hand remained, caressing your cheek, yours remained pressed to his chest feeling the rhythm of his beating heart.

The lake was peaceful, the breeze in the trees soft and whispering as you pulled away, your lips lingering for a second or two as you hesitated. Neither of you wanting to break the connection. Both of you a little surprised.

You splashed him again with a cheeky smile, not sure why you felt the need to break the moment like that, not sure how he was going to respond until you felt cold water spray across your back as you tried to swim away.

You kicked your legs but he caught your ankle and dragged you back towards him. This time though, instead of dragging you beneath the surface with the weight of him, he picked you up, held you bridal style and threatened to throw you, but something in his eyes told you actually you were safe.

When he looked down at you he had a warm but wicked light in his eyes.

"Where dya think you're goin love?" he asked, the corner of his mouth tugging into a smile. The water which had gathered in his hair dripped down onto your chest and made you shiver, his smile only growing when he bundled you closer to his chest.

"Nowhere," you said, trying to play innocent as he began to push through the water back to the bank.

He set you down on the ground carefully, smoothing his hands down over your bare arms. Hugging you closer, longer, tighter than he ever had before.

He let his fingers trail down your back tenderly, the pattern he made a little tickly as he nuzzled into your hair, his nose brushing your cheek. You felt your heart beating faster, harder as his movements became softer and softer, more careful, more tender, more purposeful by the second.

He trailed his fingers back up your arm, stroking your shoulder softly, his lips brushing your cheek as he stepped closer, his feet either side of yours, his hips brushing yours. The pull between you staticy and warm.

You were frozen in the moment, completely captivated by him as he trailed kisses down over your jaw and your neck, then your shoulder. His fingers knocked your bra strap down, then he took your cheek in his hand and guided your lips back up to his where he kissed you again, slower this time. His lips moved purposefully against yours, slow, heavy kisses which felt needy, which drew you in. Which left you breathless, your head spinning.

You hadn't said a word to one another to confirm that things had changed between you but you could pinpoint the exact moment they had.

His kissed you harder, his hands smoothing down your back, tugging your hips in towards his, his fingers toying with the clasp on the back of your bra.

You were both cool and slippery from the water, your hair dripping with lakewater just like his, your touch on his body wet just as his on yours was too. But the pull between you was warm and irresistible and as he kisses you harder you felt yourself weakening, wanting to give in and melt beneath him completely.

The two of you sank down onto the bank, the mossy earth soft beneath your body as he pushed you down into the grass, his body hovering above yours as he looked down at you eyes full of admiration.

Hed been your best friend for years but now you were closer than you'd ever been before.

You let him drag your wet underwear down over your thighs, didn't mind when he discarded it to dry on a low hanging tree branch.

You hooked your fingers into the waistband of his boxers and tugged them down too, longing to feel his naked body pressed against yours.

You didn't know where this heat had come from, this desire this need. To touch him and be touched by him.

But you felt it deep inside you then and you knew you couldn't wait.

You were alone together now, both of you feeling all this together now.

You didn't want to wait.

You locked lips with him once more, tugging on the tufts of hair at the bottom of his neck, guiding him closer to you, bucking your hips up against his.

"Van please..." you whispered against his lips, "Need you," you said, voice shallow and breathy as he ran his fingers between your legs and realised just how badly that was true.

His smiled against your kisses his lips brushing your ears as he spoke in a soft, low voice.

"Good," he grinned, "need you too," he said, his forehead resting against yours as you felt him spread your legs and enter you slow and careful. You gasped as you felt yourself stretching, the deeper he sank into you the stronger the relief. A blissful moment of union as he pushed and found a comfortable place inside you.

You moaned, bucking your hips up to his needily, looking up at him with all this love in your eyes. Love you saw mirrored in his as he stroked your cheek gently and began to move in and out of you slowly. His thrusts were tender and teasing at first, him making the most of every wave of pleasure you had to offer. Just being inside you like that was a comfort to him, a stress relief and it felt just as good for you. Just as much of a relief.

Your breaths grew heavy as he moved in and out of you, as your lips brushed over his and his thrusts became messier. He reached for your hand, holding it above your head, lacing your fingers with his, his long lashes fluttering as he looked down at you in awe.

He loved you, he didn't say it out loud but he knew it when he looked at you. You knew it when you looked at him.

And when you came you came together, your legs squeezing tight around his waist as you bucked your hips in slow, intimate waves, sending him over the edge as he watched your body shuddering beneath his.

You collapses together in the grass, breathless and overwhelmed, the pleasure sending waves of relaxation through your bodies, your muscles and your minds blissing out as you both lay together trying to catch your breath.

He kissed your cheek, standing, leaving you cold for a moment when he stood up and disappeared, leaving your heart to sink but only for a second until he returned with a blanket for each of you.

He wrapped one around his shoulders and sat leaning against a tree trunk, opening his arms for you to crawl into where he wrapped another blanket around you and then pulled you back to rest against his chest.

He placed a kiss to your shoulder wordlessly, then another and another trailing them back up your neck to your lips and when he pulled away he held your gaze with the most serious look in his eyes.

"You're me best friend y/n," he said, "but you're also a hell of a lot more than that to me too..." he said kissing your cheek, his hand finding yours again. He played with your fingers as you looked up at him, your lip caught between your teeth.

"You're a lot more than just me best friend too Van," you said, smiling to finally say it out loud.

You turned away again, eyes watching the sunset over the water. The lake lit oranges and pinks, clementine shades of evening dancing as the breeze shivered the surface.

Van stroked your hand with his thumb.

"Promise me somet," he said, his nose tickling your cheek as he leant in to whisper in your ear.

"Uhuh,"

"Promise its you an me against the world from now on..."

"Van," you said with a touched, sentimental smile. You raised his hand to your lips and pushed a kiss to his palm, "it always was."