#van McCann fanfic

[thousandfourhundreddays]

van mccann x singer reader pls!

Masterlist

A/n I can only apologise for my severe issue with making promises I can’t keep ahahah. I don’t even know how long ago it was that I said I would write some stuff for Van and so many of you guys’ requests have been neglected in my inbox… BUT I had a couple of Van x singer reader requests so here it is, however I didn’t stick to that completely but I kinda love this so hope you enjoy anyway!!! Also kinda based on Hourglass because I lack all kinds of creativity lol. LOVE YA❤️‍🔥

Waste My Days

“You’re strugglin’” his voice floated down the line, worry seeping into his words. You sighed into the silence of your hotel room, rolling over in bed, eyes flicking across the room to see the time on the clock. 2:36 am.

“I’m ok… it’s just been none stop for so long. I’m exhausted but I just can’t get any rest” Van waited, giving you time to talk, knowing this could be the most insight into your mind he’d been able to get for a long time.

“I love being on tour, I really do. Especially this one, this has been the best yet, I’m just…”

“Exhausted” he finished for you, sensing that you were struggling to find the words.

“You know it”

Boy, did he know it.

-

“How did you sleep?”

“God, I slept so good, the best I’ve slept in weeks Van, I’m telling you”

You heard his chuckle crackle down the line. “Dreaming about me again ay, babe?”

“Always”

-

“Y/n! Your phones ringing!”

Your head shot up, following the sound of the voice that shouted across the floor of the arena. Eyes wide, you sent a look to the sound technician, a silent plea to let you have just one minute. Once you saw him nod, mixed with a slightly annoyed shrug of his shoulders, you jumped down from the stage to find your phone.

“Van?”

“Hiya, darlin’. Was about to give up then, thought you weren’t gonna answer”

“Sorry, soundcheck.” You explained, listening to him drag on a fag in some city far away.

“Aye, me too, just finished. Sorry I interrupted”

“You’re never interrupting” you replied quickly, “I’ve been dying for you to call.”

-

You felt the peel of skin as Van lifted himself off of you, a rush of oxygen filling your lungs as he flopped down next to you into the damp sheets.

One week, one singular week where your tour schedules aligned. Van came to stay at yours, with no other plans than to eat, sleep and in Vans words, “love on you”.

You watched as Van reached over to the bedside table for his cigs, you couldn’t help but reach out to him, your finger tracing the shape of his ribs through his pale skin before you heard a clatter of books fall to the floor in Vans attempt to clear a space for the mug that now doubled as an ash tray.

“Oi, don’t be messing my place up!” You poked at the space between his ribs.

“Oi!” He squeaked in that classic Van McCann squeak, flinching, trying to escape your hands, holding the now burning cigarette high above your heads as he tackled you.

“Van, watch that!” Grasping his arm, already picturing the holes that he would burn in the sheets.

aka, the best week of wasting days together.

-

“Vaaaan” you sung down the line, “please hurry!!!!!”

“Alright, babe, alright. I’m coming!” He laughed,

“I know but we have a lot of catching up to do, you know” he could practically hear your smirk through the phone.

“Oh babe, so sordid” He teased, lowering his voice into a growl so the whole of Tesco’s wouldn’t hear him. “You’re the one who wanted wine!”

“All I really ever want is you, Van”

-

“Babe! Come ere’!”

Vans voice echoed through your bedroom over the sound of the shower.

Pushing on the en suite door, the bathroom flooded with light, revealing his face peeping round the edge of the fogged shower screen, hair wet and silently reaching an arm out for you. You smiled, keeping eye contact as you pulled his old tshirt over your head, quickly loosing your underwear and letting him pull you towards him.

Van twirled you round, pressing your back against his chest, arms tangled together across the front of your body under the water.

“I’ve been thinkin bout baby names” he whispered ,

“Oh yeah?” You laughed, classic Van you thought, “A bit premature, no? I’m not even pregnant”

Van moved to rest his cheek on the top of your head, pressing a kiss to your hair before untangling his arm from yours, watching as he reached out to write on the glass.

L, Y, L, A

“Like the Oasis song” he whispered.

[imvanspacifierr]

hourglass (van mccann)

🤍this fic is practically hourglass word for word, i love the lyrics and how it's from his partner's perspective. hopefully done it some justice🤍

wattpad

word count: 1.1K (exactly!)

warnings: swearing, hints towards sex

It was one of those cold, lonely nights. Rain drizzling down your bedroom window while the wind howls outside. You would just lay in bed, cocooning yourself in silken sheets trying to get as much warmth as physically possible. Staring at the ceiling, wishing you were getting warmth from tangled limbs, hot breaths and messed up covers. Instead of reality, fluffy pajamas and a mug of hot chocolate.

Van had been away for a week now, due to come back home in a couple days. You couldn't wait to hear the sounds of a faint car door shutting and a muffled "Cheers mate" from the street. You couldn't wait to stop everything you're doing and run to your door, you could be in the middle of the most significant thing in your life but you would still get there as quickly as you can. You couldn't wait to be fumbling with your keys, trying to find the right one to unlock it as the figure got closer and closer. Most importantly, you couldn't wait to open the door to a happy but slightly exhausted looking face smiling back at you. Dropping all his luggage like it's nothing just to wrap his long arms around you.

A few days ago, Van had messaged you on Larry's phone telling you he had broken his phone so he couldn't call you without nicking one of the lad's phones. You were gutted but not surprised, everyone knows that boy is useless with technology and is the clumsiest person you've ever known from bumping into things to doing silly little acts that ended up in some disaster.

So here you were, waiting for your phone to buzz and light up with one of the boys'names. Hoping to hear Van's voice down the line. Hoping he had somehow convinced one of them to let him call you just for a few minutes while they packed up gear to move onto the next venue. Sadly, there was no call. You always thought you were almost like a wife waiting for a call from a distant husband in the army or something like that. Obviously singing songs and thrashing around a pub in the middle of nowhere didn't compare with a soldier fighting for their country but still you missed him like mad.

Every night you'd wish you were guiding him to yours, which was practically his home. So you both could be together, catching up on all the lost times, exploring each other and sleepily talking about your future.

Van was always telling you how much he wanted a family oh his own, he had everything planned out in his head. At first when he told you how he could see the two of you getting married and having children, it did scare you off since you are so young and unsure of what exactly you want to do in your life. However, the more time you spent with him, the more you wanted his little dreamland too. All you wanted was to take his name, Y/N McCann had a ring to it, he told you.

The thought of having kids never crossed your mind until Van would describe his image of you with a little boy and girl, the little details of how he would teach your imaginary son how to play fifa and how you would teach your imaginary daughter how to plat her hair. Or how you would call them the most stupid nicknames you could think of. It was the little things like that which would make you feel fuzzy inside.

You would never tell Van how much you missed him to the full extent. You didn't want to seem sordid and you didn't want it to seem like you wanted him to step away from the band. The band were getting bigger and bigger, starting to sell out 500 capacity venues up and down the UK. You didn't think it was possible to be this proud of someone. However, you just wanted to be able to see him everyday in real life. Even if it's just a quick hello. Videos of him and faceless calls/texts didn't compare to the real deal at all. All you longed for was Van to be home.

He would even bring back flus or colds from touring, leaving you basically bed bound with a snotty nose and a sore throat. Surprisingly, you didn't mind when this happened since Van would take care of you. He would buy you whatever snacks you wanted from the shops, bring you cups of tea and boiling hot water bottles whenever you asked. He would curl up with you under velvet blankets, snuggled into your frame while watching your favourite movies.

One of your favourite things to do was after the tour, when he had just gotten back. He would have greasy looking hair and stubble coming through which scratched your chin. You would both get in the shower, you'd be washing his scruffy locks while Van would be telling you how working in the studio was going and idiotic dares they would do when they were bored. He'd place gentle pecks on your exposed suddy skin and suck at your sensitive spots before it ended in steamed up glass and sounds of panting echoing through the water sprinkling down onto the tub.

When Van was home for long periods of time, don't get it wrong, he did absolutely drive you up the wall with little annoying habits. He was restless, could never sleep for longer than 4 hours a night. You would be deep asleep, sweetly dreaming... to be awoken by a light shove or a whisper. Rolling over to try and ignore the shit eating grin Van had spread across his face because now you'd shown you were awake so he can talk about everything and anything to you while you yawned into his chest. He also didn't know how to do simple household chores for the life of him. Once he tried making you tea to surprise you after a long day of work but all you came back to was the smoke alarm with no batteries in, a lingering burning smell, takeout boxes on your living room table and Van sighing, "Babe, please say you don't need to go into the kitchen anytime soon..."

All the small things that should piss you off, especially when he did in fact nearly burn down your house trying to cook chicken nuggets and chips. You didn't mind looking back, at least he was there in them moments with you.

[pacifierbby]

꧁MASTERLIST꧂

:･ﾟ✧RED

* ੈ✩‧₊ Summary ~ Mason never thought that you would go with a man like him. He thought you would go with someone who would do everything under your step. He just wishes that was him {word count 3k} {pairing mason mount x you}

:･ﾟ✧LONDON

* ੈ✩‧₊ Summary ~, you've been living in London since you were born. That's how you met Mason in a small coffee shop but when mason gets a chance to play for his dream team. will moving to Manchester be the right move? {word count 3k} {pairing mason mount x you}

:･ﾟ✧HALLOWEEN

* ੈ✩‧₊ Summary - you and mason going to an haunted lunatic asylum. Mason used to only playing football while you were used to watching the creepy haunted videos on YouTube, so you decided that you were going to go to a haunted lunatic asylum and have a feel for you guys self. {word count 1k} {pairing mason mount x you}

↳ part 2

:･ﾟ✧THE NANNY

* ੈ✩‧₊ Summary ~ Mason was an amazing dad to his little girl, April. Whenever Mason went, his little girl came with even including to his game when his mum had her. However, when an opportunity pulled up for him to leave Chelsea and move to Manchester, he couldn't say no. However, 4 hours away from London, Mason had to get a nanny for his little girl. {word count 668} {pairing mason mount x you}

↳ part 2 {soon}

:･ﾟ✧BEST FRIENDS

* ੈ✩‧₊ summary~ you was a famous you-tuber. posting on your Instagram after what seemed 4 months about your recent new video when mason mount likes and comments. however your fans thought that he was your best friend when you and mason knew that wasn't the case. but what happens when a wags account on Instagram see you at Disneyland together {mason mount x you} {face claim Bethany mota} {inst au}

:･ﾟ✧CHRISTMAS BISCUITS

* ੈ✩‧₊ summary~ mason and reader baking cookies for their families Christmas dinner however it didn't end up the way it planed and more of it went on them than it did in the bowel {word count 1,7k} {mason mount x reader}

[bendybondybandage]

…are we all alive out there catfish stans? 💌

Just wanted to say a little hello to everyone on here, I miss you guys a lot! Hope you’re all doing well <3

I’d love to know if we’re any closer to the truth of where Van McCann is🤣

My return may be short lived, but you never know I might return soon with some old drafts I’ve been rereading… ;) love yas x

[icouldntfindquiet]

REM & Dream

Just posted the last chapter of Dream. I hope the story feels complete. ☺️ I wrote this back in December 2021 not knowing what I was doing and not knowing if it was going to go anywhere. And now, 1 year 8 months later, the story is finally complete. This concept was an absolute favorite to write and I’m definitely gonna miss it but now it’s time to write something else. Thanks for all the support! It’s been a pleasure sharing this world with you. ❤️

[pacifymebby]

if you’re feeling sinister / chapter four

Johnny

It was one of those hot, close kind of afternoons. Grey claustrophobic skies gathering over head. The air had that thunderstorm musky kind of quality. It can't have been helping the doomed feeling my insincts were beginning to kindle around.

"Larry!" yelled Van, his voice disappearing further down the coastal path Larry often walked back on. He usually met his secret lass down here, the one he didn't think we knew as much about as we did, they usually dawdled along the the cliff edge, blowing canabis smoke down into the dunes. "Larry!" shouted Van again, no longer leaving any quiet in which we could listen out for his return call.

We'd already walked the path once, earlier that afternoon once we'd done the first circuit of the town. We'd knocked doors and asked around anyone we thought he might have had anything to do with the night before. When we'd run out of people he might have spoken to we started knocking every other door coming up with any excuse to justify disturbing the neighbours day. And because Larry worked Saturdays and Sundays in the local shop he knew most people, so we knocked on most doors.

And we heard nothing, and people looked at us with dusgruntled confusion and sometimes they looked concerned or they said they were sorry and promised to let us know if they did hear anything, but mostly they just shook their heads and said no, they hadn't heard from him. "Out late last night was he?" asked that one like they suspected us of causing trouble, suspected that whatever was going on it was our own fault.

Now we were trailing the coastal path slowly, growing tense. Ignoring hunger, the sweaty grimy skin crawling sensation of having been out walking through the humidity all day. Already knowing we weren't going to get anywhere. Carrying on because we didn't want to have to go back to Larrys mum and tell her she needed to phone him in as a missing person. Didn't want to go back to the girls and tell them that it was all more serious than we'd first thought.

And as Van started shouting for Larry again I let out a sigh, shoved my hands into my jeans pockets and closed my eyes. Wincing when I said it.

"You think we should check the woods now eh Van?" I said knowing that saying something like that, in a town like this, was like signing the death certificate myself. Giving up all for the sake of not wanting to give up.

Van screwed his face up, turned back to me. Almost looked pissed off when he shoved his sweaty hair from his face.

"Why would he be there its fuckin miles from his house?"

"Aye but we've searched everywhere else haven't we..." I said looking over at Benji who had stopped now too and was listening closely with the same wary, knowing expression.

"Fuck, yeah, whatever he's right Van its the only place we haven't looked.."

"Aye but it wouldn't make any fuckin sense... Why would he..."

"If you follow this path far enough it skims along the edge of the woods further down the coast... You know where the trees thin out reet down in the dunes..."

"Thats fuckin miles away..."

"Maybe he was after elongating the evening with his lassie," I tried to smirk, tried to wiggle my brows and ease the tension but I couldn't do that when I was sugesting our best mate might have ventured into those cursed woods at night, with a girl or even alone, ten years to the month that our town had looked out onto something like hell. After they'd found my mum, after they'd found Peppers mum and a little later her dad, hanging - the manner of his death apparently evidence enough to prove him guilty of it all.

"Yeah," groaned Van taking a cig from his pocket and lighting up, "fine fuck it..."

The way I saw it there wasn't anything else we could do. No point trailing that path any longer when we'd already done it and found nothing. No point in knocking doors at this time in the evening because most of the neighbours wouldn't answer their door during the after dinner soaps.

And I didn't want to leave it too long. If something really was wrong then we needed the police to start looking for him sooner rather than later. If something really was wrong, if something was beginning all over again, then I wanted to be by Sukis side and I wanted Pepper to know I was there for her, needed her to know she wasn't going to relive that peril alone.

"Jesus christ," he groaned seconds later, running his hand through his messy hair, "fuck sake man he shoulda just stayed at mine.." but I couldn't let him think like that.

It was how my dad had thought about the night my mam went missing for years now. How my brother had always thought of it too.

She'd been on her way to pick Jimmy up from a football match down at the playing fields which backed onto the woods. Only she'd gotten confused, or my dad had gotten confused, because Jimmy had been going to his pals house for tea and hadn't needed picking up at all, and somewhere within that miscommunication our mam had been left alone in the dusky summer evening, smoking a cigarette at the edge of the woods. And they said that that was probably when Peppers dad had bumped into her. That everything had probably seemed fine to her at first, that he'd probably lured her away from the car, into the forest under false pretences. That by the time she understood what was really happening, what he really wanted, she'd have been out of earshot of anyone. And of course we wouldn't have realised anything was wrong until much later that evening, when she didn't show at Jimmys pal's house to pick him up and take him home.

There were so many angles to view it from that meant you could blame yourself, or blame some trivial detail which really, probably wouldn't have made a big difference. If dad had been on the ball he could have realised she didn't need to go for Jimmy before she'd even left the house. If Jimmy had reminded her before he'd gone to school that morning. And even me, perhaps if I hadn't been such a pain in the arse, always asking questions or needing constant attention... Perhaps then she wouldn't have been distracted, she would have taken it in and remembered later that Jimmy didn't need picking up. That there was no reason to head down to the football pitches that evening.

And if she hadn't gone what then? Perhaps she'd still be with us. Perhaps someone elses mum would have fallen victim to those woods instead. Could I honestly say I wouldn't have traded my mum for someone elses, could I really say that if I was given the choice, I wouldn't choose to kill someone elses mam and keep mine safe and alive and mine.

No. And neither could anyone else if they were being honest.

Even so, it was better not to dwell on things you could have but didn't do and so when Van groaned and tapped his cigarette nervously I had to cut him off and nip his melancholic self loathing in the bud.

"Its just a fuckin walk home Van, should be safe, anyone should be able to do it blind like... Shouldn't make any difference to his life whether he stops at yours a night or walks home alone half cut. Its just a road..."

"Aye,"said Van with dark eyes and a gloomy set smirk, "Ain't just a road though is it..."

And I knew he was right. It wasn't just a road and our little town where the forest met the coast, would never be just some other little town ever again. This was a place terrible things happened, a haunted place. And as I felt a familiar knowing shadow take over inside me, I felt the shudder of dread grip me as I thought about the woodlands we were about to go poking around in. Woodlands I was sure were never supposed to be disturbed.

"Cmon no point being morbid about it, may as well get it over with for fuck sake," said Benji. He'd been chain smoking the same as the rest of us but now he let his fall from his hand, grinding it into the ground beneath his trainer, leaving a print in the sand for someone else to find later if we didn't make it home.

So we picked up the pace, ducking back over the dunes into the woodlands we'd played in as kids until we couldn't anymore. They'd stopped feeling like a playground after everything that went down. After the police dogs, the white suits, the blue lights and sirens, the long days which dragged into even more painful nights, the cups of tea the neighbors made for my dad which were left untouched and curdling wherever they'd been set down.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and fell into step with Van. The floor beneath our feet was soft with pine needles, our trainers sinking deceptively into the top layer as we walked quickly, trying not to walk too quickly through the ever thickening trees.

"Larry!" shouted Van, his voice echoing and then swallowed whole, snuffed out by the evergreens.

He only shouted once or twice, his voice barely carrying, bouncing back to us so quickly that it was difficult to believe the forest stretched out for as far as it did. But we were at the foot of the long slope, the vast expanse of Ash, Pine and Oak which grew all up the hillside through the valley and didn't thin out until it met the old slag heaps miles out of town.

"Keep an eye out for..." I started trailing off because I didn't know what to say. "Well, anythin really..." I hadn't been paying enough attention to Larry the night before, too caught up, distracted by Suki. When I thought about it I couldnt have described any of my friends appearances from the night before because I hadn't really been paying attention to anyone else. Only Suki. And I felt guilty because even upon realising that fact it was her my mind remained revolving around.

I couldn't help myself, wondering what she'd be doing back at Van's, her and Pepper and Mia, perhaps they'd have been playing their video games earlier but now that it was dark and we were still out without them, they'd probably be getting nervous, probably find themselves unable to focus on a zombie game or a shit 80s horror. They'd probably be sitting in that awkward quiet, tension thick between them as they tried not to do anything that would make them look nervous. No one ever wanted to be the first to admit they were scared.

"Fuckin poirot over here..." smirked Benji cracking just enough of a smile to meet his eyes.

"Shit man this is fuckin pointless these woods are huge, even if we split up we ain't gonna cover it all by nightfall..."

"We ain't splittin up," I said quickly, quietly, my eyes meeting Van's through the ever darkening evening, "an its already night..." I shrugged, "so I don't know what you wanna do but if we go back now we have to go straight to his mam... She's gonna have to phone the police..."

"He might be back by the time we get back," shrugged Benji but we all knew it wasn't true. If he'd come back one of the girls would have phoned. We wouldn't still be out there looking for him. We wouldn't all feel so doomed.

"Maybe we should split..." said Van again, "just for a bit, have a wander round, cover more..."

"Fuckin no chance," I said shaking my head, a disbelieving grin cracked crooked as I shoved him playfully, "mr "I've seen every horror movie" and you actually want us to split up..."

"Aye mate am not so sure its a..." started Benji, his thought cut short by a wailing sound tearing through the trees.

The sound seemed to carry over our heads, like a fast moving cloud. Its echo lingering in the mist rolling in from the sea. I looked down to my shoes in the pine and saw the familiar grey vapour curling around my ankles and I didn't like the strange sensation it left on my skin.

For a second we all stood still, silent, looking at our feet, looking up at the thick dark green shadow of pine needles and leaves above our heads. The canopy blocked the evening light but we could all tell there wasn't much light left to be seen.

"Fuck was that?" asked Benji with a nervous twitching smile, "sounded like me demented nan..."

"Probably owls," I said with a shrug not wanting to admit how haunted that terrible keening had really made me feel. It had sounded so eerily familiar to me. A sound drifted in from childhood, the kind your mind forces you to forget until you hear it again.

"Maybe it was a ghost..." Van said with a small smirk, ironic and then suddenly wincing apologetic and embarassed by himself. "Sorry lad," he said quickly, taking out a cigarette trying to save himself, "sorry fuck I didn't..."

"Everyone thinks the woods are haunted," I shrugged swallowing a lump in my throat as my shoulders and jaw tensed tight, "theyve always thought that an all, not just since... You know..."

"Aye," said Van, "am still sorry though..."

And people always were and always would be. Sorry. Always awkward and apologetic. Those kinds of smiles were ones familiar to me after all this time.

"Cmon man," I said with a shudder, "we'll walk back into town, if he's somewhere in here the police will find him quicker than we can..."

"Aye but they won't go lookin tonight," he said, "always wait too long don't they..." he said, his eyes darker still as we all walked in step, each of us glancing over our shoulders every now and then, each of us checking for god knows what doing god knows what in our periphery.

"Yeah well," I said forcing a smile for his benefit, for mine too, "might not be waiting for anythin at all eh, blakes might be right... Maybe he's already home..."

But we weren't stupid and any lies we told to make eachother feel better... We all knew them to be just that. Lies.

The quickest way home however was unfortunately through the trees. It was quicker to head a little deeper into the woods and then veer for the football fields than it was to double back on ourselves and head back down the coast. Besides, there was little point treading familiar ground when were trying to think hopefully.

If we headed towards the footie pitch and the school we would perhaps stumble upon Larry unsuspectingly. I was hoping that my instincts were wrong but I'd always trusted myself more than I trusted anyone else and I knew that in this instance just like every other instance, I was probably right.

We probably weren't going to find Larry that night.

Knowing that fact only made the woods seem closer still. I felt every shudder in the pines like breath on my skin. Every twitch or snap in the trees drew my eyes searching for its cause. I kept trying to block it out, kept trying to tell myself to keep walking and looking straight ahead but it wasn't working to make me feel any less on edge. I wanted to be home with the girls, skip the fucking awful walk home and just be crushed up on Vans settee with Suki tucked under my arm and little Titch where I could see her. Needed everyone I cared about to be close to me. Knowing that it wasn't possible now left me feeling that familiar but ever strange seperation from myself. That hollow feeling in my bones that made me feel like my fingers weren't my own. Made me feel like I'd borrowed someone elses body for the day and I couldn't quite get a grip on the controls.

"Shit..." breathed Van suddenly stopping in his tracks so that I tripped over and into the back of him and Blakes had to stumble to stop himself crashing too.

"Shit..." I said quietly following his gaze. Just a little way in front of us was a car wreck... The bonnet crumpled into the trunk of a conifer. The glass in the pine needles hardly caught the light, it had been there so long it had been weathered by the rain, the dirt had set in and dulled it, muddied it. Only the largest plates remained.

"I thought they cleaned everythin up..." started Blakes trailing off because the answer to whatever question he'd been about to ask was right there in front of us, abandoned and battered, windows shattered, rusty skeleton chewed up. Left to the pines and the woods for them to do with whatever they liked.

"Yeah," I said, my mouth dry, my fingers searching my pocket for my light, "you'd have thought they would..." I said, fingers closing around pine needles and dirt in the pit of my pockets. No cigarettes to comfort me.

"It is..."

"Yeah," I said silencing Van before he could ask the obvious, a question we all already knew the answer to, "thats Titch's dads car," I said glancing over my shoulder. Checking my periphery. The painful sensation of being watched, skin prickling all over as I fixed my eyes on the car. That hollow feeling was rising, spreading through my body slowly so that I couldn't shake the feeling that I was leaving myself behind.

He'd crashed the car, he'd murdered Titch's mam and then he'd murdered mine too... It was the story everyone knew, and here was the evidence, here was the crashed car. Here was the broken glass. The rusting frame. The pine needles and pieces of bark he'd displaced. Like some museum exhibit.

Only Blakes was right. They had cleared the site. There'd been such a fuss in the local paper about it because some of us had wanted it cleared, some of us had wanted the scene disposed of, and others, those who believed Titchs father to be innocent, had wanted the crime scene preserved. So that it could be studied over and over, scrutinised for any new evidence. Anything that would prove something. Because it was one of those cases. The kind where everyone, no matter who's side theyre on, find themselves rooting for the same thing. When answers are in sshort supply people start to care less about the answers theyre going to get...

"Cmon we need to leave," I said struggled to swallow around the dry scratch in my throat... "An lets not tell titch about this yeah...actually lets not tell any of the girls about it eh?"

"Yeah," said Van nodding solemnly, "right blakes?"

"Right..."

But that would be our first mistake.  

[okayohay]

what have been your personal favorite moments from the story so far?

My favorite moment is one of the last chapters you’ll see. I cried writing it because of the characters involved and the nostalgia of it all. I can’t wait until we get there, but there’s a bit to go.

Flashback scenes are fun. Fills a void the band left in the “real world” IMO.

[thousandfourhundreddays]

Giving this a shameless little boost now that our boys back :)

[imvanspacifierr]

homesick (van mccann)

🤍this is my first time writing a fic so bare that in mind haha, loosely based off homesick but i got quite carried away. it was only supposed to be 1K words max oops. let me know which song fic you want to see next or any ideas for them. feedback would be appreciated🤍

wattpad

word count: 8K

warnings: swearing, alcohol

Van had always been an “over protective boyfriend” from making you call him every time you get home after leaving his place even though you literally lived across the street or texting him that you’re home and alright after every shift at your work. Sometimes you thought it was a bit much but at the same time you were so lucky with how much he cares about you.When he was on tour... this wasn't the case. He would go days without talking to you because he was too busy. You were ecstatic the band finally started to get the recognition they deserved however, this also meant they had more dates on tour and they started to fly across the world for weeks on end. You were so proud of them but you never got to see Van or the other members anymore. You were basically the 5th member of the band alongside Larry, the 6 of you were inseparable but then life happened and you had to get a job which completely changed everything.

Once you were touring up and down the country with your best friends, cramped into a van, driving to cities you’ve never been to before and getting to see the love of your life bouncing around on stage for 2 hours a night while he pursued his dreams but now you’re stuck in a dead end job, pulling pints for lifeless people in a tiny town you’ve always wanted to get away from without the people you loved most.

It was understandable that you were jealous of how they’re going all around the world doing the thing they love most while you have to live a normal life. You knew you shouldn’t feel jealous but it was so hard to feel happy when you didn’t even feel included anymore.

You were snuggled up to Van on his sofa watching some shit afternoon gameshow because there was nothing good on the telly to watch, resting your head on his shoulder, barely keeping your eyes open when he told you the news, “Um... forgot to tell you... me and the lids are going to Australia tomorrow... and then straight to Japan... then to America but then back here” he stuttered the words out while stroking your hair. You stayed silent trying to process what he had just said. “Y/N... love, please don’t be too upset. I would have told you sooner but i didn’t want to ruin today and i only found out last minute, I swear.” His voice did that high pitched thing he does when he’s defensive and nervous towards the end, trying to explain why he’s just telling you the day before.

Lifting your head up off his shoulder while staring at the floor so you couldn’t see his face, you quietly said “for how long?” you looked up, met his gaze, and his face dropped. He broke eye contact immediately, started fidgeting with the sleeves of his soft black jumper and said “2 months” almost whispering. You could feel your eyes starting to overflow with tears. You didn’t dare look at him because it would just make it worse. It’ll remind you that you won’t be able to see his wonky teeth, crooked smile, beautiful blue eyes, long lashes, silky lips, the freckles scattered over his pale skin, his lanky frame dressed in scruffy colourless clothes.

You felt him move, sitting up next to you, draping his arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side. He pressed a ghost-like kiss on your cheek and now he was resting his head on your tense shoulder for a bit before lifting it up, he could tell that you were struggling. You turned your head to say something and he had already been looking at you. Big mistake. You just broke down into tears.

This would be the longest they’ve been away from you since you had met them in your early teens.

You met Van and Larry when you were 12, you had just moved in opposite Van’s parent’s B&B and they offered to help bring boxes in and unpack with you and your parents since it was summer and it was the sticky kind of weather that really makes it hard to do anything productive in. After getting all the boxes in and unpacking a few they invited you all over for a cuppa in their garden. When you walked into their back garden there were two boys your age, Bernie called them over and introduced you to them. You were always quite shy but they just started talking to you like you had been hanging out with them all their life. The rest of the summer you spent it with Van and Larry, they showed you around the whole of the town, showed you their favourite places to go and they told you people to avoid at school.

When the summer was over, you started at their secondary school. They showed you to all your classes, even the ones they weren’t in, just so they could have an excuse to be late to their next lessons. Any classes you were in with either of them, they sat with you even if they had other friends in the class. Within a few weeks, you had met a few girl friends but they didn’t compare with the lads at all, they were all fake and didn’t really like each other and would bitch about anyone who wasn’t there. So you stayed with Van and Larry throughout your school years.

After 2 and a half years of living there, you started to like Van in a different way... you noticed your feelings change when he got his first girlfriend. Obviously there were rumours that you were with either Larry or Van but especially Van, because of how much you hung out and it’s known that if a girl and a boy are friends, people just presume that they’re together. You never heard the end of it from kids in school. Van didn’t care about the rumours, in fact he embraced them in a way.

If people were staring at us two he would put his arm around you or try and hold your hand just to wind you up because he knew how much you hated the rumours. Even your own mam and dad asked if you and van we’re seeing each other because every night after school he would come over to yours or you would go to his and listen to his vinyl and cds, same at your house. You loved the same music, from stereophonics to the strokes or arctic monkeys to oasis.

One particular night, you and Van were listening to the new Arctic Monkeys album “humbug” while lying on your bed. He mentioned that he had started seeing one of the girls from school, that was the moment you realised you loved Van. Your heart dropped. You just shrugged it off and picked up your guitar to try and play along to cornerstone while Van was trying to do an Alex Turner impression, which he failed miserably at.

The next week dragged in and you didn’t see van after school until Friday night when you got a text asking you to go to his. You were confused and a bit nervous, he said that he was going to his girlfriend’s house. Anyways, you wandered across the road and Mary opened the door and said, “Knew he’d get you to fix his broken heart” while smiling and she gave you a hug. You smiled to yourself while walking to his bedroom, he was sat on the floor next to his record player while it was spinning humbug by Arctic Monkeys like last week. You sat down next to him, resting your back against his bedroom wall as he told you about how she broke up with him because her friends thought she could “do better”.

This was the first time you had ever seen him like this, not with a cheeky grin on his face, he genuinely looked broken. He had his head in his hands, “Y/N, be honest, do you think I didn’t deserve her?” you were shocked, you never thought you’d hear van saying anything like this. He was known for being cocky and slightly narcissistic so seeing him like this was out of character. You tapped him on the shoulder so he would look up at you, his face was red and his hair messy. You hugged him and said, “No you didn’t deserve her, you deserve someone who actually likes you the way you are.” You then started making jokes about her and her mates to cheer him up, it worked.

The two of you were laughing all night about things, you ended up staying at his house that night. It was around 2am and you were still awake, just talking about random things until Van changed the conversation, “You know what you said earlier about how I deserve someone who genuinely likes me... I already know the perfect person” he was looking right into your eyes, you could feel the butterflies in your stomach rising. You just giggled and joked saying “Wow you move on quick McCann! Who is the lucky girl? “ you were hoping playing dumb would calm your nerves or change the whole conversation but he put his hand on your cheek and said, “She’s right here”.

You were burning up, you didn’t even know how to respond to it. You had no idea he felt the same way you did. He looked confused when you were just sat there gobsmacked, he moved his hand away and said “Well? Don’t leave me hanging Y/N, what do you say?” you were even more confused by that question, you looked at him finally and said “Wait what am I answering?” you knew what he was asking but you just wanted to make sure that this wasn’t just your imagination running wild. Van just started laughing “for fucks sake, i’ll spell it out. Will – you – be – my – girlfriend?” you couldn’t find the words, you just nodded and said “Yeah, go on then”. Before sharing the most awkward first kiss, when teeth collide. Ever since that moment, nearly 6 years ago, you and van have happily been together.

Not long after this, Van started a band. That’s when you met Benji, he started practicing bass and the rest of the band would rehearse nearly everyday in Van’s parent’s garage. You and Larry would watch and help out with restringing guitars when Van strummed too fast and you would try to tune the guitars like how your dad showed you. You and Benji would play video games while Larry and Van argued about what we should order to eat or what songs should make the setlist at a pub where 4 people had bought tickets.

After only a few weeks of touring throughout the country, even going hours away to scotland, a new drummer joined. That’s when you met Bob, he was nothing like the others. While they were loud and full of life, he was shy and quite reserved. You and Bob quickly became close, you were both very awkward which made trying to talk to each other very tricky but it was amusing to the others. However, you both quickly became good friends after a few days despite that.

The band started getting booked for festivals up and down the country, even some in other parts of Europe and a very small leg of an American festival run! You travelled with them as a roadie but you knew deep down, unlike Larry, you weren’t going to stay a part of the team because you didn’t really do that much technical work, you were more like a pa to everyone else. After this you had to step back from the roadie role, everyone was gutted and Van tried to make you stay but you needed a stable job to help your parents pay the bills.

This year welcomed a new guitarist to the band, Johnny Bond. He’s one of the funniest people you’ve ever met and it felt like he had been in the band since the start. That summer you spent it like the old times, in Van’s parent’s garage. You and Larry watched as they played songs Van had written years ago but now they had a new life and meaning. You never wanted them 2 weeks to end because that would be your last time with the band for a month. Unfortunately they flew by, each day would end in drunken story telling and reflecting on some of the worst yet hilarious stories of being on tour.

That month they were away was one of the worst times of your life, your job was driving you mad since your boss constantly put you on shifts because "you have nothing else better to do". You would have given anything to just be able to walk to Van's and listen to him tell you that it's all going to be fine or how he's gonna "beat up your boss because he treats you like shit". You wish you could just go and have a pint with your mates to make you feel better but no. You were alone with only a lousy message every now and then from Van.

You were still in tears, all these memories came flooding back to you in a matter of seconds. Hitting you like bricks. Actually, being hit by several bricks would probably hurt less than the realisation that you couldn’t carry on like this. You stood up from his sofa, breaking away from him. “I’m sorry I have to go, just need some space” muttering as you walked to his front door to get your shoes on and you saw his legs move into eyesight as you were tying your laces. “I’m so sorry Y/n, I mean it” he sighed. You stood up, he went to give you a hug but you dodged it, reaching for your leather jacket that used to be one of his. As you opened the door, Van solemnly begged “Still come to the pub later with me and the lids like we planned, they all miss you like mad, yeah?” you slightly nodded and walked out closing the door behind you but not looking back.

A few hours of sobbing in your bedroom had passed, it was almost the time you said you would meet at the local pub. You didn’t know if you could face it. You know if you didn’t go, you’d regret it however if you went you know you won’t be able to hold back the tears, you were a mess. When you had gotten in from Van’s you took down all the pictures you had of him and the others off your wall because you couldn’t stand the sight of them. You had put all of Van’s tops, jumpers and other things lying around in your house into a bag that you were going to give back to him. You took off the bracelet Van got you on your 6 year anniversary last year and hid it where you wouldn’t be tempted to put it back on. You took all of the catfish demos, vinyl and cds van had given you over the years, with handwritten notes describing how much he loves you and how these songs wouldn’t exsist without you.

It was 10 minutes before you were supposed to be meeting them, you were staring at the clock hoping that time would just pause so you had more time to collect yourself or had more time to even decide whether to go or not.

You looked in your mirror and practically jumpscared yourself. You had mascara running down your swollen face. ‘jesus christ! I really am a mess’ you thought as you scanned your appearance. Then you also saw in the corner of your mirror a photo booth picture strip you and van did on their last uk tour in one of the O2 academy venues. That made your decision right then and there.

You quickly ran to the bathroom and washed your face to get the residue of ruined makeup off your face and tried to then apply more to cover up the redness of your eyes. Just as you were topping up your lipstick you heard a knock on your door and then your mam near enough shrinking, “Van! It’s so nice to see you again, how’s the rock n roll life treating you then?” you could hear them talking downstairs which bought you more time to get dressed out of one of your old band hoodies and joggers into a slightly newer hoodie and jeans. You took one last look in the mirror to check there was no evidence that you’ve just had a bit of a mental breakdown down. As you go to walk down the stairs you suddenly remember your bracelet so you quickly put it back on.

As you turned to go into the living room you smile, you’re so lucky that your parents get on with Van so well. They were sitting there with a cuppa while your mam was saying how she’d watched their t in the park set on the tv and that she can’t wait to see them live again. Van was beaming, he had been telling her stories about festivals they had done while I was here, working in the shitty pub. You were stood there in complete awe of Van, his over exaggerated hand movements as he tries to explain how “mental” the crowds have been and his smile as he is saying that he can’t believe how many people now love the band. After he was done telling your mam the infamous reading story about how a lad got his kick off and was upside down in the middle of their set because Van dared him to do it, you coughed to get their attention. If you didn’t do that they’d both be talking for days. Van was hesitant to look after what had happened in the afternoon, but you just smiled back at him, acting like you were completely fine even though deep down you were still questioning the longevity of your relationship.

He got up and kneeled down to hug your mam and say thanks for the tea. You both walked to the door and he put his arm around your shoulder and whispered in your ear, “are you alright darling?” you put your arm around his waist and said, “I’ll be fine”. But would you? Just as you pulled the door to leave, your mam shouted from the other room “Oi! yous two, remember don’t be stumbling in here drunk at god knows what time! I’ve got work in the morning and I know what yous two are like!” you and Van just looked at each other and laughed as you stepped out the door and locked it.

Frosted pavements glistened in the moon light as you and Van set off walking to the pub. You loved autumn going on winter, cold breeze floated through the dimly lit streets with hazes of golden lights coming from the scattered street lamps. No words were spoken, just the two of you walking hand in hand. No one in sight. Van broke away, you frowned at the loss of contact and warmth. He was rummaging for a pack of cigs in his jacket pocket, not successful. You had barely smoked, of course you have had a few drags when you would get high at Van's or when you had a few too many, only started recently to try and handle the stress of work. So you handed him one out of your coat. "Thanks..?" questioning what you'd just done, "Since when did you start smoking?" you didn't answer straight away. You lit his cig up with your florescent lighter then lit your own up. "A few weeks ago. You're a bad influence" you smirked.

Rubbing the stump of the cigarette butt into the concrete, the strolling continued. "The Australian tour is actually supporting The Kooks" Van announced, "They're big fans of the band! It's surreal"

"No way?!" you stopped in your tracks.

"Yeah! Me and the boys were buzzing when management told us!" his face glowed with pride as he was telling you the details of the tour and where they were playing "We're gonna be playing to thousands on the other side of the world, I can't believe it" You couldn't have felt prouder in that moment.

Finally, you and Van arrived. The group wasn't hard to miss, even before opening the thick wooden doors you could hear Larry, Bob and Benji laughing at some imaginative tale Bondy was telling. "Brace yourself, they already sound like they're streaming" Van uttered while shaking his head. He was right. "OI OI! Thought you lovebirds had forgotten!" shouted Larry across the room, you just put your head in your hands as Van stuck his middle finger up at Larry.

They stood up one at a time to give you a hug, Bob pleaded "Please come on tour again, you are the only sane one of them all" while Van pretended to be 'disgusted' at his statement. Bondy nearly knocked you over, "Missed you so much lass" he slurred. Benji kept it simple stating, "Forgotten what you looked like! Never see you anymore" You just put on a fake smile as you could slowly feel your heart getting stabbed with each greeting. Larry exclaimed, "I know right! You need to come back on tour one day, I can't do my job without you" you just laughed at him but deep down you felt sick.

You sat in the middle of Bob and Van as Bondy went to get another round in. Drinks were flowing after telling Van you had to catch up with the rest, that would be impossible but you loved a challenge. Roaring laughter filled your booth as they all told embarrassing stories about each other from the past tour, from Bondy falling asleep in the most random places to hiding Larry's gear from him on high up shelves, which Larry deemed it "discrimination against small people". It felt like they hadn't been away and your thoughts about how they're leaving tomorrow quickly disappeared.

More drinks are consumed far too quickly, you felt dazed and your head was starting to spin, you were out of practice drinking like these. Bad idea to try and out drink Bondy. You were now resting your head on Van's shoulder to try and fight the dizziness off, you admired his laugh and facial expressions as they continued to bring up stories and they also started saying how excited they were about tomorrow. You weren't really paying attention, all you could think about is how you're not going to experience this for another 2 months.

"Earth to Y/N!" Larry said while clicking his fingers in front of your face, you snapped out of your daydream in an instant. "I was just telling them about that time me, you and Van got kicked out of The Kooks gig a few years ago. Wasn't it Van's fault?" but before you could even try and remember the story exactly, Van had already put his hands up like he had been caught red handed making you jolt up from his shoulder. "Alright, alright, you win. It might have been my fault but it was your idea to throw that demo on stage!"

"Yeah, I said throw it on stage, not at the bass player!" Larry argued back.

"Sorry Van, you know I love ya but I'll have to side with Larry on this one. Not his fault you've got a shit aim." You drunkenly giggled back. "Thank you Y/N! See I told you! 1 to me 0 to Van" He pretends to write it down on one of the many beer mats. You looked up at Van and his eyes were narrow, He leaned into the side of your head, resting his fluffy hair on yours. "I'll remember that later." He breathed into your ear making your hair stand up and your heartbeat.

It was even colder outside now then when you had entered, you all said your goodbyes as the rest of them did the sensible thing of getting a taxi back to their houses while you and Van staggered back. You were practically holding each other up, not realising how much you had actually drank until the frosty night smacked you in the face as soon as you had stepped out.

Once you had reached your house after what felt like a lifetime of walking, you searched for your key as Van held onto you so he didn't fall face first into the door. You looked everywhere but couldn't find it, "I definitely had it, I locked the door before" you muttered starting to panic until you felt Van grab your ass while laughing to himself, "Van? Not right now I'm in the middle of something" you whined as he tapped you on the shoulder. "Your keys were in your back pocket dafty" giggling like a little boy, you snatched them off him and unlocked the door.

You quietly locked the door behind you, kicking off your shoes and shrugging your jacket off and leaving it in the middle of your hallway. Van stood there still giggling like a child, "Keep it down, remember my mam has work in the morning" you tried to sturdily say however it set you off laughing when he put his finger over his lips like he was being shushed at school.

He followed you upstairs and cashed down on your bed and as you removed your make up for the second time today. You had barely gotten into your pyjamas when you could hear Van lightly snoring on your bed. He was starfished out under the covers. You closely followed by trying to get into your bed without waking him up, you had little to no room but you didn't care. At least he was still here in bed with you.

Sounds of clattering downstairs wakes you, sunlight gleaming through your curtains. There was an obvious change, Van wasn't there. You got up and stumbled down stairs, your head was thumping and you started to regret last night's antics. Wandering through to the kitchen answered where the loud noises were coming from. Van was stood there in his old pair of joggers with his streets hoodie, that he keeps at yours, on. His hair looked untamed, you tip-toed over to him, not making a sound. You crept over and leaned into his ear, still keeping a distance... "BOO!"

Van jumped and you began to crease up with laughter at his reaction, "Fucking hell Y/N! Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?" you just replied with more laughter while hoping to sit on the counter next to him. "Thought you left me" you said as he handed you a cuppa, "Well I'm still here, aren't I?" He grinned as he moved in front of you and put his arms around your waist, "I'm going to miss this." he sighed into your hug. "Me too" you hummed back, taking in the view of his sleepy look.

You both got changed, and walked over to Van's house. His parents were waiting to see him before he left, they were used to him hardly being home but they still missed him. After talking to them for a while and Mary reminding Van to look after himself on the road and him just nodding along not really listening, you went upstairs and helped him to pack up his things. It was quite easy to pack his stuff since he just lived out of cases anyways, there was no point of him unpacking to just re pack the week after.

You were still trying to fight a headache off but now you're also fighting off the sensation of your eyes watering. The bus they were getting to the airport had pulled up outside, all the lads looked worse for wear after last night. Looks like you weren't the only one with a hangover then.

"Well that's everything then..." Van trailed off "You know I'll message or call you everyday... I'll be back in no time. It won't even feel like I've left." He softly spoke as he rubbed your back. "Promise?" you sniffled, feeling yourself well up again. "I promise" he gestured his pinky as if he was pinky promising, you chuckled. "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much Y/N, wish you could come with us" he pulled you into a tight hug, it was like he didn't want to leave you either. "I wish I could too" you nuzzled into his chest, "I'm gonna miss you too"

As you left his room, he grabbed your arm. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished yet" But before you could reply he pulled you into his lips, you threw your arms around his neck. it was passionate, but also soft and gentle, you never wanted to pull away. He was slowly sliding his hands under your jumper as you started to put your hands through his thick locks. As he was trying to undo your bra he had moved so you were against the wall and he nuzzled in your neck, sucking on the sensitive spots, making you sigh with need as you also slid your hands down his back...

"Van we're gonna be late-" Larry barged through the door, you both broke away instantly. "Oh shit sorry... but mate we have to go now" he said looking at the floor as he left, you were bright red and flustered but Van didn't really care. "To be continued?" He winked as he picked up his bags, "I guess" you followed out the door with one of his bags.

When you got outside and there they were, Larry had definitely mentioned something since they were giggling like school boys. You were still painted red with embarrassment so you avoided eye contact with the others, just kept your head down and put his bag in the back. you said goodbye and waved to them all, "Hang on, do I not get a proper goodbye?" Van questioned. "Think you've already had it" Bondy announced. The boys went into fits of laughter, this really wasn't helping. You were practically burning with embarrassment. "Don't listen to them pricks, C'mere" Van once again pulled you into a kiss, this time it was a bit toned down for obvious reasons, but it still gave you butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

"I was only kidding lass, I would too if I had the option" Bondy chuckled while walking over to give you a hug, you and the others laughed while Van looked confused. The bus was ready to go, so you said goodbye to them all, hugging and saying how much you're gonna miss them. "Van wait! forgot to give you this" he stopped as he went to get on the bus, you pulled out the photo booth picture from your phone case. His face lit up, "Thanks love! This was at one of my favourite gigs we've ever done" he put it in his pocket. "Love you" he said before turning around to get on the bus, "I love you too" you said with a lump in your throat.

After you watched your whole world drive away you ran to yours to go upstairs and put up all your photos of them all again, you put their old vinyl and cds on your shelves and display again and you put all of Van's stuff into his own drawer in your dressing table.

Of course these next few weeks were going to be tough but you loved him and nothing was going to change it.

A couple of days had past, they did their first date in Australia and it looked amazing. It stung you watching videos of them performing, you should be there supporting your best friends. However you were tapped behind a bar getting weird looks from old men instead. You haven't heard anything from Van himself, the form of contact you've had was Benji telling you they've landed but they were shattered and majorly jetlagged which is understandable.

A week had past and nothing from Van. You knew the timezones were drastically different but there was still times he could call. So you messaged him,

"hi, the tour looks so good! how are you doing? haven't spoken in ages, just want to know you're ok x"

no reply.

It had nearly been 2 weeks since they left and still nothing. You began overthinking, what if he's not alright? what if he's cheating? maybe he doesn't love you anymore? it was driving you sick. You tried calling him several times but no answer. So you just gave up.

3 weeks had dragged in and it was the last night of their tour with The Kooks tonight, BoB and Larry had phoned you to see how you were doing and to inform you about tour. While on the phone to Larry, you asked about Van, "I've tried calling and messaging Van but he's just not answering, do you know why? just be honest because I'm fed up of being ignored" it went silent.

"Look, Y/N, this has been the busiest tour we've done, he's constantly doing promo or rehearsing. Even I've hardly seen him" you just sighed, "Thanks anyways" you mumbled in defeat.

You didn't even want to wake up this morning. it had been a month and still nothing but today was different. It was yours and Van's 7 year anniversary. 7 years since you were there in his bedroom listening to Arctic Monkeys, laughing about anything and everything when he asked you to be his girlfriend. Now here you are, alone with no message or call. You had pre booked the day off because you though he was going to be home. Instead you were lying in your bed, with his streets hoodie on that smelled of his aftershave and lambert and butlers.

You spent the whole day in bed, looking through the present you had made for your anniversary that you were going to give when he got back. It was a photo book, the first picture was from the first day you had met him in his garden to the last picture of you two being backstage at their biggest headline show to date with the golden disc they go from one of their singles.

You had decided to not think about him anymore, you were focused on trying to figure out what you wanted to do with your life. You were just going round in circles, the only things you enjoyed doing was playing guitar, listening to music and going to concerts. Realistically that wasn't going to get you anywhere.

You jumped up in your bed, a loud buzzing noise coming from your phone. it was like a beacon light up your room. It was Van. You darted and picked it up in a heartbeat. "Van?" you questioned shocked. "Hiii lovee wassup" he was drunk. You groaned. "It's 2am for fuck sake, if you're just gonna slur over the phone I'm hanging up" you were furious.

"No no no was calling to say a miss you and I'm sorry I've been sooo busy with work things" he laughed. you were not laughing. "Van! It's been over a month since you've left and you didn't even have the decency to ring me?!" he went silent. "You know I've been worried about you, all I wanted was to know if you were ok and that you were enjoying the tour." you can hear shuffling and a deep sigh on the other side of the phone, "Baby I said I'm sorry just calm down oh my god, been busy that's all" you could feel tears trickling down your face, "Fucking calm down? Are you joking, you've been ignoring me for over a month Van! Do you know what day it was this week? Huh?!" you were raging at this point. "Ummmm... I don't know... Can't be that of been important, I can't remember" this tipped you over the edge. "IT WAS OUR FUCKING ANNIVERSARY" you almost screamed down the phone. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry I didn't know, Fuck.. Um... We'll do something nice when I get back... I'll buy you whatever you want... Or... We could go on holiday just us 2... Shit" you could tell he knew he's fucked up but you were still enraged. "I don't want any of that!" tears were rolling down your cheek with no signs of stopping. It went silent. "So why are you mad at me then?" you couldn't believe he just said that. "All I wanted was for you to remember! Apparently that's too much to fucking ask these days!" you hung up.

You threw your phone down onto your bed and burst out crying, you didn't even know if you were more upset or angry. You felt like your heart had just been ripped up into pieces by the person you loved most. Your phone started buzzing again, it was Van. This carried on for the rest of the night, however you just knocked your phone off and muted it.

It was getting closer to the end of their tour, you didn't even know where they were anymore. You had a few messages off the boys checking in or begging you to talk to Van because he hasn't been himself since that night. You did contemplate getting in touch with Van but every time you thought of him you just wanted to scream. Why did he only call you when he was drunk? Does he not care when he's sober? Did he mean those things he said? These questions were on repeat in your head. You couldn't escape them.

The 2 months were up. They would be home anytime today. You had been mentally preparing for what might happen. Will Van apologise? or will he just be stubborn like always? You didn't even know if you wanted the answers but you knew you were going to get them soon, if you liked it or not.

You were walking back from work, already in a shit mood. You went in your front door and headed straight to bed. It had been a stressful day of annoying men demanding drinks constantly, there was a match on. You despised match days but you got a bouns for doing them, that's all that matters right...

Your bedroom was a mess. There were clothes everywhere, old wrappers and takeaway boxes scattered across your floor. You didn't have the strength to clean it up, especially not right now. Your mind was running mad with the thought of Van coming back today even though you didn't even know wether you wanted to be with him after everything.

After having a shower and getting ready for bed, you picked up the closest thing off your floor to wear. Without thinking you just threw it on and got into bed. It was Van's streets hoodie. You didn't care, you were too tired to care at this point.

It was only 9pm but you were out cold until someone slammed a car door shut and you jolted from the noise. This street was never busy and was always quiet, especially at night. You knew exactly who it was. Your suspicion was confirmed by light knocks on your front door. You hesitated to go downstairs. You didn't want to answer the door.

Your phone flashed with a notification from Van which read

"Hey I'm outside yours now, we need to talk. please answer the door x"

your heart was going a million miles a hour as you took each step down to the front door. You could see his slim frame through the tinted glass, you reached for your keys which had a catfish and the bottlemen keyring on and unlocked the door.

There he was. Stood in your doorway. Dark shadows under his eyes. Stubble coming through. Red around his eyes. Longer rugged looking hair. Ivory skin, paler than usual.

By now you would have jumped into his arms and you would be asking how the tour was while he just rushed you upstairs.

This time it was very different.

"Can I come in?" he asked gently, expecting you to turn down the offer. "Sure" you said bluntly looking down at the carpet. He still had his luggage with him so he left them in the hallway by the door. You walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of vodka, you'll probably need it. He followed, playing around with his jumper.

The tension was thick but you didn't want to show you cared or that he had broken you over these weeks. "So, how was the tour then?" you acted as if nothing had happened. "... Good, really good." Van looked baffled. His bushy eyebrows creased and mouth slightly open. "Look we need to talk, I'm sorry about the way I acted the other night but I was constantly swept off my feet working. They had me doing like 2 interviews then radio sessions and a gig at the end of the day. I know I should have called I'm sorry, it won't happen again." You could already feel the anger sparking, "That's not good enough anymore, every time you go away you promise me you'll stay in touch but you never do! I can't take it anymore, it's like I don't exist to you when you're on tour!" He sighed,

"I can't do anything about going on tour, it's a part of the job. Y/N, I've been dreaming of this since I was a kid, you of all people should know that. I know it sucks but we can get through it, I promise" you could feel the water in your eyes already. "I'm not saying I don't want you to stop touring, all I'm saying it would be nice to hear from you while on tour! Even if it's a text message every other day saying hi. Anything would be an improvement! You've promised me loads that you will stay in touch and you never do, I'm sick of just waiting around all day to see if you're gonna reply or not!" The faucet on your eyes had been pulled, tears were falling. "It's like you don't care about me at all! It's like you care about the band more!" you said while rubbing your eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie.

He stood there, brows furrowed. "Are you mad?! I can't just make time out of the schedule to talk to you, I don't even get to talk to my own mum and dad! I'm trying to build us a future, it's not all about you-" you were bewildered. Did he actually just say that to your face? "Y/N, darling I didn't mean that I'm so sorry, I'm not thinking straight. I'm sorry. Can we just try again huh?" He said worriedly. "Just go Van." you sobbed into your hands.

"Please I'll do anything, please let me stay and talk things through properly, yeah?" He shakily said while going to put an arm around to your neck, you shuved him off. "No, just go, I need to think."

"Ok, I'll go" he walked out, head down rubbing his face.You heard him shuffling around in your hallway and then the door quietly shut.

You fell onto your kitchen floor, head resting on your knees trying to process it all. You sat there on the freezing tiles for hours, staring into space wondering how your relationship got this way.

*knock.... knock....*

Van again. You weren't ready for round 2 of whatever this is but if you didn't answer it you know he wouldn't move and freeze to death until you did let him in, so you got up off the floor. Your glassy eyes were not helping the situation.

You opened the door and walked into your living room this time, more comfy than sitting on stone tiles. You and Van sat on separate ends of the sofa. He was bouncing his leg up and down while rubbing his hands together. You noticed that he'd brought a small gift bag this time. "Close your eyes..." Van instructed as he shuffled over right next to you with the gift bag. "Van I'm not in the mood for your stupid games, what is it?" you groaned, it was like nothing had happened. "Fair enough" he said while opening the bag, there was a white box with a name you couldn't quite make out. "Hold your hand out then" you obliged reluctantly, he pulled out a silver necklace with a little charm on it, he placed it carefully in your palm. "Happy late anniversary..." He smiled.

You passed it back to him. "Do you not like it? I can get it changed if you want-"

"Van, it's lovely but I can't be with you anymore. I love you so fucking much but I can't cope without months of contact at a time. I'm so proud of what you've achieved, the band is finally getting somewhere but I can't handle not being with you. It's like you only care about me when you're here and with the band's success you're not going to be home very often. I love you Van but I can't carry on this way." your voice was breaking saying those words, they felt horrible to be in your mouth. You needed them out even if that meant ending things with Van.

His eyes were swollen and his bottom lip was shaking. "I know I've handled this like a fucking idiot, but please Y/N, one more chance. I don't know what I would do without you. You were the one I wrote my very first song about, it was shit but still..." you laughed at the memories of 14 year old Van trying to serenade you on the edge of your bed using your acoustic guitar. "You were the one who believed that the band would work out, You were the one who supported me every step of the way and you were the one who was always there for me when no one else was" it was true, you had always supported him even when you did doubt some of the choices he made.

"I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for you, Y/N just give us one more chance please. I love you more than anything" His eyes were glistening with tears, the insides bloodshot. He was holding your hand the whole time. Your head was spiraling with happy memories.

"Just one more chance, ok? If you fuck this up that's it." you said quietly collapsing onto his chest.

Van moved back and put his hands on either side of your face so you were looking directly into each other's puffy eyes, "Don't worry, I won't fuck it up." he assured as you both leaned into eachother, softly pressing your plump lips together, you pulled him in deeper until he broke away to reach for the necklace. He moved your hair out the way so he could fassen the clasp on the chain. "Beautiful" he breathed before dragging you off the sofa and leading you upstairs to your room.

You woke up at noon, you were fitted to his side, nuzzled into the crook of his neck. You pressed light kisses on his exposed collarbone, trying not to wake him up. His eyelashes fluttered open. "Morning" you said still half asleep. "Morning, love" he grinned, planting a kiss on the tip of your nose.

[pacifierbby]

Hello I'm Nicole and I've been on tumblr for awhile sadly all my blogs I can't remember my passwords too but I'm starting again 💕

I'll write mason mount imagines,stories and I'll also will write catfish and the bottlemen imagines too (I know they're long gone but I'll forever be a catb girl💔💕) so please message me if you want etheir

[bendybondybandage]

miiiiiiight have made my return with an old draft on wattpad guys 🙈 working super hard in 2024 to get writing again, how I’ve missed it! 🥰 hope yous are all having the best time this christmas xx

[icouldntfindquiet]

I’m just gonna say I hope Van isn’t in LA right now. Ive heard it’s flooding close to Sardy’s studio and there was just a decent sized earthquake! Surviving a *potential* natural disaster with Van McCann isn’t exactly the fanfic I want to live out. Everything is fine though for now. Nothing too bad… yet. :)

Oh gosh! I hope he’s not there either and I hope you’re okay. That’s scary and the earthquake doesn’t help either. 😟 Sardy must be very nervous right now. Hopefully our damsel in distress doesn’t need saving!

The CATB fandom carrying Van to safety:

Except for me because I can’t swim. 🫣

[cuntbitchandthebottlemen]

a fanfic where van mccann fights jake kiszka over me while josh kiszka breaks up the fight and bondy comforts me because of how shocked i am by what just happened

[okayohay]

I kinda want Van to tread carefully for Taylor's sake, but I can't imagine him handling the situation well, especially with his current mental state 😬

There might be a hefty mix of treading lightly and slowly unraveling into a million pieces in the next chapter 🥺

[thousandfourhundreddays]

Gonna be bold and say I’m in the mood to write something….. so send a request if you want to run the risk of it never getting written!!!! Lol but your faith in me will make me smile teheheh🫶🏼🫶🏼

[mywritingonlyfans]

who was your favorite fanfic writer? is her blog still around?

She published stories for Van Mccann from Catfish and the Bottlemen, not Alex 🥹, but it's worth reading! (I started writing because of her, you will find the approaches similar 😅). I think her Tumblr doesn't work very well, but she posted everything on Ao3! (I just checked and she's not there anymore and I'm now slightly worried)

@storiesaboutvan (Tumblr itself)

a link of hers