#Sam fender fanfic

[imwriting0verhere]

Birthday Surprise

It’s 11:57pm on April 24th and my friends and family are gathered around me to ring in my 30th birthday at midnight. I don’t always need to have the biggest party or festivities, but you only turn 30 once, and honestly, roughly ten years ago I wasn’t even sure if I would make it till here.

“Thank you all so much for coming eeh, big 30 aye!” I laugh awkwardly, but most of my friends are drunk enough that they just cheer and clap along. “I ceenot wait for this year like. We’ve got some great things cooking! 30’s gonna be great!” I shout into the room, shortly being joined by Dean, Joe, Tom and Jimmy. We’ve all got our arms thrown around each other’s shoulders, beers in hand.

“Alreet alreet” Dean shouts over the party commotion “We’ve only got a few seconds left now. 5,4…”

“3,2,1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!” everybody in the room joins in and as the clock rings in my special day, Rachael emerges with a big cake that’s shaped like my face. Candles and sparklers atop and I happily accept it.

As is tradition, Dean smacks some cake into my face, we drink a shot together and I’m being pulled into hugs by everyone. My mam, my brother, my girlfriend…

And once the excitement has quieted down a bit and people start eating the cake and refilling their drinks, Y/N stands in front of me. The last person to congratulate me.

“Happy Birthday” she tells me with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes I notice. We share a quick hug but she looks as if she wants to disappear as soon as I let go of her. But talking to her seems to halt her in her spot and she looks up at me

“It’s really good to see yer” I tell her with a genuine smile. She’s one of my dearest friends and also the last person I was in love with. Unfortunately, we had to learn the hard way that moving from a friendship into a relationship doesn’t always end well. But luckily, we managed to save and salvage what we had before and are now able to be friends again.

“Yeah, you too” she replies softly. She’s been really quiet and reserved all evening. She’s barely gotten a word out, keeping mostly to herself even though we share the same group of friends and most of them are here tonight.

“I hope..” “I’m..” we both speak at the same time and I awkwardly rub the back of my neck “Sorry, you go ahead”

“Oh, ehm, I was just saying I’m gan find Rachael and try some of that cake” she says while she’s already turning away, not being able to leave my side fast enough it seems.

“Aye, I hope you’re doing well and we can hang out again soon” I just mumble the rest of my previous thought to myself.

Before I can let Y/N’s strange demeanor get to my head, I spot my brother and his long-time partner in conversation with my girlfriend. Or better, the girl I’ve been seeing for the past 3 months that’s not really my girlfriend because we’re not officially together, but we’re dating and having a good time together so I can’t just call her a fling either. And she was very adamant on being here tonight, so I’m glad she’s getting along with my family too.

About two hours later I see Y/N saying goodbye to Tom and Heidi as well as my mam, before she just waves at the boys and leaves them with a “Bye guys, see yous soon” to which they all smile and wave back, Joe shouting a departing “get home safe”.

She finally spots me and makes her way over

“Saving the best till last I see” I tease her, which elicits only a small tug at her lips. So I really can’t even make my friend smile anymore. With nothing at all apparently. Hm.

“You’re leaving already?” I ask because tonight felt as if she wasn’t even really here and as the night gets longer the crowd gets smaller and it usually only leaves my closest inner circle. Which she is part of and I would’ve loved to spend some more time with her, actually talk to her.

“Yeah sorry, I don’t feel that great staying here any longer” she gives me a look as if to tell me that something is bothering her, and I should know what that something is.

“Thanks for the invite, Sam” she says politely and pulls me into a quick hug that I return.

“Y/N wait!” I hold on to her arm but she instantly coils away and out of my reach

“Let go of me” she hisses quietly, so that nobody else but me can hear.

“Y/N no, what’s going on?” I follow her out into the foyer and out the front door. She’s finally stopping and swiftly turning around to look at me

“I just don’t want to look at this any longer alreet. Maybe I shouldn’t have come” she says the last part more to herself and I’m only getting more and more confused

“But, it’s my birthday” I breath, the first thing that comes to mind. We always spend our birthdays together

“What do yer mean, look at any longer? What’s going on Y/N/N?” I look at her questioningly. She’s looking at her feet, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as if she doesn’t know what to do next. She’s debating whether to tell me or not. But in the next instant she whips her head towards me, her decision made

“You, Sam. You and that girl!” she shouts, angrily pointing at me, she’s almost jabbing her finger into my chest, that’s how close we are standing. Her eyes are wild and brimming with tears.

“I can’t look at it any longer!” she lets go of the breath she was holding. Exhausted just from that simple statement. I look at her bewildered, not believing what I hear. She’s never mentioned having a problem with me seeing someone new. But I’m also just realizing, she hasn’t been around all that much the past few months. And definitely not when my date was around.

“I…didn’t…why have you never said anything?” I truly thought we were doing fine after our breakup last year. I don’t understand what’s happening, I just know that I can’t lose Y/N and I can’t believe I’ve missed the signs of her discomfort.        

“What was I supposed to say Sam? We’re not together anymore. I don’t have any right to tell you what to do and who to date”

“But we’re friends. You know that you can always come to wor” I cautiously take a step closer to her, feeling the overwhelming need to comfort her.

“Sam..” she croaks out and my arms are instantly around her. But she stops me before I can pull her into an embrace. She’s holding onto my forearms. She’s so close, I can feel her ragged breath on the front of my shirt. But her eyes won’t meet mine

“I don’t know how to be around you anymore. I…I thought I was over you. I thought I was okay with our breakup, healed, and moved on.”

She finally lifts her head and my gaze instantly falls onto hers. And what I see breaks me. Red rimmed eyes, a few stray tears have already fallen, making her cheeks wet. She looks scared and broken, and I can’t believe that I didn’t know about this. About how she felt and what kind of emotional distress she must have gone through these last months.

“Y/N/N…I didn’t know” I croak. Embarrassment creeping in and I'm mentally kicking myself for being so oblivious again.

“I know. Because we never had that last talk” she sniffs and drops my arms in favor of pulling her thin coat tighter around herself. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, protecting herself from the cold, and protecting her heart from any more damage.

“We never sat down and talked about how our relationship, and the breakup really affected us. I just tried to be okay and be happy about the things I still have. And you started seeing someone else” she smiles at that, but it’s a bittersweet kind of smile. And I can see new tears gathering in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, you should’ve come n' talked to me aboot it. Nonetheless if I’m seeing someone new or not”

“I just couldn’t Sam. I couldn’t because every time I thought about talking to you and what I would say to you, I knew I would just end up in tears. And then I found out about you and her and…” she’s letting me cup her cheek this time, and I’m softly swiping her tears away before she continues

“I was so scared of today. Of what it would mean if she’s here tonight, and I see her.”

“Y/N A’m so sorry!” I tell her earnestly, searching her face because I need her to believe me. I never meant to hurt her this way.

“Tell me what I can do to make it better”

“Sam I...” she sniffs before looking back up at me “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I don’t think it’s good for me to be around you right now” and I can feel my insides crumble at that

“Y/N/N no, don’t say that” I beg her, tears shooting into my own eyes now and I can feel them softly rolling down my face.

“I still love you too much. And I can’t see you with another girl. I can’t heal like this Sam! When every time I look at you, a small part inside me still breaks.” She closes her eyes at that and I lean my cheek onto her head, pulling her a little bit closer because I know how final this moment is. Of course I will give her the time and space to heal, but this could just as well mean this is our last time together, and we might never come back from this. I press a final kiss onto her forehead before I speak again

“I can’t lose you”

“I’m so sorry” she whispers back and pulls further away from me “You’ll be okay” she takes my hand from her face and gently squeezes it one last time before she drops it and it falls at my side. I instantly miss her warmth, her soft touch.

“Happy Birthday Sam” she says with a voice full of sorrow and heartbreak. As she turns her back towards me and begins to make her short way home, the look of pain and longing in her face haunts me. And I’m sure it perfectly reflects mine.                 

[your-divine-ribs]

I’m With the Band Part 30

Words: 2.3k

I’m With the Band Masterlist Main Masterlist

I can do nothing but watch helplessly as Johnny, Dean and Joe make for the door. Joe has a cheeky glint in his eye as he claps Sam firmly on the back as he passes by. "Enjoy yer brekkie mate!" He sniggers, eyes darting to me as he shouts out a goodbye, but I don't reply. I've got my eyes fixed on Johnny, willing him to stop and turn around. Surely he can feel the heat of my angry glare? It must be burning into the back of his skull like a pair of twin laser beams.

If he does he chooses to ignore it, slipping through the open door as Dean holds it open for him and Joe, then their noisy chatter finally gets cut off as it closes behind them, leaving me and Sam alone.

If I could have magically conjured up a rift in the coffee shop floor that I could slide into and hide away then I would. Anything would be better than facing Sam right now.

I consider my options. I could get up out of my seat and make a dash for the door, or I could stay where I am and face the music, actually try and take some responsibility for something for once.

I steal a glance at Sam, watch as his heavy brow furrows into a deep crease, an unreadable expression on his face. I'm half expecting him to turn straight back round and walk away and out the door but he doesn't. He just stands there for a few moments looking at me, and then to my surprise he walks over, coming to a stop at the entrance to my booth.

"I'm guessing by the look on yer face that you didn't know owt about this either?"

"Uh-huh..."

I nervously chew at my bottom lip, wide eyes imploring him for mercy, hoping he's calmed down since he unleashed on me in the kitchen of the hotel suite. My hands are clasped around my coffee cup, fingers anxiously pawing at the ceramic as I surreptitiously try to release some of my pent up, nervous energy.

Then to my complete surprise I note Sam's lips curl up at the edges, a hint of a smile that he doesn't try to hide. "Bloody Bondy," he muses to himself, shaking his head. "Trust him to pull a stunt like this. That's him all over that is. Never could stand to see anyone fighting."

I allow a tiny giggle of relief to slip out. "I had no idea what he was up to... I swear. I'm going to  kill him."

"Aye, and if ya need a hand I'm right here," Sam nods. He steps even closer, sliding into the opposite side of the booth and taking a seat so he's sitting right opposite, facing me.

There's an awkward moment of silence where Sam picks up the menu and starts to scan it and I feel like I should fill the quiet, but I'm not sure how to. On one hand I don't want to dredge everything back up, but on the other I know if I let things simmer, it's just going to make it even more awkward further down the line.

"Sam..." I begin, stopping short when he lowers the menu and his face comes into view.

"I... errr... I just wanted to say..." I pause, taking a deep breath.

Damn, this apologising shit is harder than I thought it would be. He raises his eyebrows, cool blue eyes scanning my face. His expression's unnervingly neutral, not giving anything away. I squirm where you sit, just about to formulate a heartfelt apology into words when a waitress appears to take Sam's order. An exhale of pure relief escapes me as Sam's attention gets diverted. He orders a full English breakfast with all the trimmings... these band guys sure have hearty appetites... and I opt for another coffee, my stomach too tied up in anxious knots to eat.

The waitress eventually leaves and Sam reclines back in his seat, folding his arms across his chest. "So... what did you want to say to me then?"

It's useless, any momentum I'd picked up earlier has now gone, my courage retreated. "Oh yeah," I mumble, eyes darting between Sam's expectant gaze and my empty coffee cup. "I just wanted to know... how the show went... this morning?"

I think I see a tiny flicker of something resembling hopefulness die in Sam's eyes at my avoidance of the situation but I can't be sure. He cracks a small grin nevertheless, amused.

"Yeah, it was good... really good. I wouldn't recommend appearing on live national TV with a stonking hangover though! Reckon I was still a bit pissed to be honest." He chuckles to himself, rubbing his face briskly with his hands. "Christ I feel rough, sure I must look it too."

A quick appraisal of Sam shows that definitely isn't the case. His hair's a little mussed and he has a dark shadow forming on his chin where he's unshaven, but if anything this hint of ruggedness just adds to his overall attractiveness. I can't help the smugness that washes over me as flashbacks of last night flood my mind.

"No... not at all," I hurriedly say, my smile uncharacteristically coy. "You look good... really good actually. I'm sure no one noticed that you'd been on it last night."

Sam laughs again. "Of course they did, but then I reckon the whole world knows exactly what I was up to last night though thanks to you, eh?"

His voice is tinged with sarcasm, his expression pointed, and I feel my confidence shrinking even more. I start talking immediately, my cheeks growing hotter by the second until I feel like I might burst into flames.

"Look Sam... I am so sorry. I swear I never meant those photos to get out. I'm an idiot. I know it's a poor excuse but I was drunk and I didn't think it through. I guess I was just caught up in the moment and excited to be with you..." I pause, sucking in a quick breath, my voice decreasing in volume until it's nothing more than a sulky murmur as I look down at the tabletop, avoiding Sam's eyes. "If I could go back in time and undo everything I would, believe me."

There's quiet for a moment and I glance up, surprised to see Sam watching me with a small smirk curving his lips. "You'd undo everything that happened last night then, would ya?"

"Not everything," I reply quickly, my own smile emerging tentatively. "I definitely don't regret that... not for a second... even if you do."

Now it's my turn to watch Sam's reactions, curious as to how his feelings might have changed since last night, wondering whether my big mistake means that any chance of a repeat performance is completely off the cards in the future. He holds my gaze for a moment, pensive like he might be considering the same thing. Then suddenly he's sitting forward and leaning towards me, reaching for my hands and entangling them from the coffee cup that I'm still grasping. I'm stunned but I let him entwine his fingers through mine, our clasped hands coming to rest on the table top in a blatantly public display of affection that shocks me even further.

"I like you Arabella... I really do." He smiles, warm and surprisingly sincere. "I'm not gonna lie, when you're in this industry it's really not hard to find a quick hook-up, some of the lasses... you should see 'em! Proper throwing themselves at me!" He pauses, eyes as wide as saucers. "Me of all people! I'm just a bloody normal lad from Shields an' all. Couldn't pull to save me life at school!"

I giggle at his comical expression. "Well... you are famous now, what do you expect?"

"Exactly... and that's just the problem." He sounds exasperated, although I can't for the life of me work out why.

"I thought that was every guy's dream? To be lusted after by loads of girls? You could probably take your pick."

He sighs. He's still holding on to my hands and I surreptitiously glance around, wondering if anyone's noticed that none other than Sam-fucking-Fender's siting here with me now, holding on to me like he's no intention of ever letting me go.

"Like I said, it's dead easy to find a quick fling, a meaningless shag, but what's not easy to find is a real connection with someone that's more than that... someone genuine who sees past all the fame and shit. Someone you can trust..."

Trust...

The word hangs in the air, stirring up the guilt that's still simmering inside from letting Sam down like I did... but hold on... what's he actually saying here? I'm stunned and mildly anxious, trying to make sense of his words.

"You can trust me Sam, if that's what you're saying. I just fucked up the once, that's all. I wouldn't dream of doing it again, but I don't... umm... I'm not errr.... I'm not looking for anything steady... a relationship..."

What the hell am I saying? I'm aware that a million and one girls would be clamouring to be in my position right now, sitting opposite Sam whilst he talks candidly like this, it's just with words like 'trust' and 'real connections' being bandied about I can't help but feel a surge of panic. It's an instinctive reaction that I can't control, my aversion to commitment putting up automatic barriers.

But I needn't have worried. Sam's smiling again, that boyish grin of his that makes his dimples pop. "Ahh, don't worry love, I'm not actually looking for a relationship either... well not in the conventional sense anyway. I've just split up with my long-term girlfriend, see." His face scrunches a little with something I can't identify... regret maybe. "It were the relentless touring, never being at home, all the interviews and appearances, it just got too much. I couldn't give her what she wanted... what she deserved..."

I recall my conversation with Johnny. "Bondy said you were off women... 'no more lasses for me'... I think that's how he put it. Your words apparently."

Sam chuckles, shaking his head. "Yeah well... that was until last night. It's great on tour with all the lads, they're like me best mates, but I miss a bit of female company from time to time." His smile turns mischievous then, a certain twinkle in his eye that makes my pulse quicken. "I enjoyed last night ya know, I mean like I really enjoyed it."

I smirk back at him, playful and seductive. "Me too."

"Which is why..." he begins, leaning further over the table with a nod of his head, urging me to do the same, secretive. I comply.

"Uh-huh?"

"Which is why I wondered if you wanted to come to some sort of... arrangement..." His voice is low, barely audible, his cheeks stained an adorable shade of pink. "I... errr... I don't usually do this kinda thing, but like I said before Arabella, I like you a lot. You said yourself you weren't looking for anything serious, but you're good fun to be around, you make me laugh, you're... sexy as hell..."

His blush deepens and I find my own cheeks heating up again.

"Arrangement?" I repeat and he nods eagerly, a sense of understanding passing between us both. It's only too obvious what he's asking of me, and I can barely contain my excitement.

"You mean like fuck buddies?"

At that exact moment the middle-aged waitress appears with Sam's breakfast order and my coffee and I brazenly meet her look of distaste with a bold and challenging smirk. Sam withdraws his hands like mine are suddenly scalding hot.

"Jesus Arabella, keep ya voice down, would ya?" He hisses once she's out of ear-shot.

I bite down a giggle at his shocked face, grinning widely. "Well... that's what you mean isn't it?"

His shock quickly gives way to laughter and he shakes his head, amused disbelief. "I was thinking more like... friends with benefits actually. We're gonna be seeing a lot of each other so, ya know, if stuff happens then stuff happens..."

"Friends with benefits?" I echo, trying to keep my cool even though there's a whole host of excited fireworks exploding inside me. I definitely wasn't expecting this when Bondy set me up in the sneaky way that he did. I wonder whether he'd still have done what he did if he'd have anticipated this outcome? Probably not... but who knows with Bondy? The man's an enigma and I've still not succeeded in fully working out his motives.

"So...?"

Sam's hopeful eyes and flushed cheeks bring me back to the present and the still unaccepted offer which hangs in the air between us both. He looks nervous but eager as hell and that fact alone is enough to make me want to climb over the table right now and press my lips against his by way of a binding agreement.

I decide on a more subtle approach though, a sweet smile with an edge of wickedness which Sam quickly reciprocates, and a simple reply. "Sounds good to me... sign me up I guess!"

Sam's wearing an expression like all his Christmases have come at once and he picks up his knife and fork and assesses his plate of food.

"We gotta be discreet though," he tells me, skewering a sausage with his fork and lifting it up. "And ya can't tell any of the Catfish lads, not even Bondy... and not Van... especially not Van..." He shakes his head, looking cautious. "And no more sneaky photos to your mates, okay? It'll just get complicated if people find out."

I reach forward, plucking the sausage off his fork with a cheeky grin, bringing it up to my lips in a blatantly suggestive action which makes his eyes bug out of his head.

"Don't worry Sam... it'll be our little secret. No one needs to know."

I take a big bite.

[stellatekintsugi]

Sam Fender

[fallingforel]

SECRET SANTA: SAM FENDER

just a small christmas imagine for sam: from @abiiors christmas prompt list. I will be posting the 12 from Now until 25th so you get a little christmas pressie from me- El xx

words: 1,965

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Sam, Dean ,Both Tom’s , Heidi, Joe, Johnny, Drew and I were all in Lowlights after Sam’s Last performance in Newcastle before christmas. And we were organising our annual Secret Santa, we had done it every year, adding in everyone else when they had joined our friendship group.

“Okay heids, go and get a glass sam you get some paper, I’ve got a pen, we’ll draw them from a glass in true Geordie fashion” I said after we all agreed and we set a budget and when we were exchanging.

We were set to go into London in 2 weeks for the OD management christmas party and we were all travelling down together so we agreed that we’d do them in a hotel room, before we went out.

“Why the fuck do you Y/N L/N, of all the people have a pen” Sam said with a chuckle. “because in case I need to write things down, Samuel Fender” I replied back.

I had got Sam. He was easy to buy for, I could get him a jokey present but that would just seem like I didn’t care about him I decided I would go all out because sam deserved that especially after everything he had done for me through the pandemic and throughout the many years of us being friends since year 7. Also because I had fancied him, for many years. But no one knew apart from my diary and my mum. As soon as I pulled out his name I knew of the perfect gift that would make his cheeks split.

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1 week before Secret Santa- Sam

“who did you get for secret santa?” “heids I’m not telling you, you’ll only want to swap” “I promise I won’t.” “no Because I know you, I have finally got the person I want after waiting years.” “thanks for telling me you’ve got Y/N.” “HOW HEIDS? HOW?” “oh please, you two are so smitten with each other, have been for years. She’s got you too by the way.” “and how the fuck do you know that?”

“I saw it on her face, the same look she gives you when you buy her a drink, the same look she gives you when you lend her your jacket when she forgets hers, the same look she gives you when you insist that she should take the tenner she spent on your food at the shop. the same look she gives you when you both spot her ex out in public and you send them a nasty look. It’s LOVE sam. She’s in love with you, Your in love with her. it’s easy to see. Just grow a pair of balls and get her that 1975 vinyl she’s been nonstop going on about, you know she won’t buy it for herself.”

“THANK YOU HEIDI, you have just given me the perfect gift idea. See you in a week?” I said before placing a kiss on her head.

“see you in a week sam.”

now to plan the perfect gift.

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3 Days before Secret Santa

“and your sure it’s in perfect condition, mum”

“certain, your dad never took it out of the packet, it’s brand new, it’s not been anywhere damp, he kept it in the house. he was saving it for the perfect day, no clue when that would’ve been though. It’s only collecting dust here darling. Take it, use it” “I won’t be using it, Sam will though. I knew when I picked his name out this would be the perfect gift.” I said with a smile to my mum “Oh darling, he’ll love it, who knows maybe you’ll gain the courage to tell him this christmas period.” “maybe. depends.” “I think you should just gain the courage and do it. you’re both not getting any younger” she says with a chuckle walking off.

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2 days before Secret Santa- Sam

“and your certain you’ve got a copy mate?” “certain, we get a copy of all the variations in perfect condition so we can announce them” “good this needs to be perfect.” “why? so you can impress your lady friend?” the older boy teases over the phone. “howay man. it’s just….nah yerd be right about that mate. she is my lady friend. And yer sure you’re gonna make it over tomorrow?” “yes mate, wouldn’t miss it for the world, she’s a class girl. you’ve chosen yourself a gooden there sam mate” “reet… best be off, you’ve got a train to catch a thing to find and I have a card to write” “yes, you’re getting us from the train station tonight at 10 right?” “reet. youse are geena have to find yer hiding spots tonight like” “don’t worry we will”

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2 DAYS BEFORE SECRET SANTA

Sammy🕺- guys I know we agreed on 2 days time for secret santa, but would you mind doing it tommorow, it’s just cos mines too big to bring with me to London on the train without being noticed. deaaanooo🎸- sam mate, could you not have said this earlier I haven’t even bought mine yet drew🥁-yeah i agree with dean mate, I haven’t bought mine either. heids 💕- fine with me i’ve already bought mine. Dean and Drew, love you both, but you’ve had 2 weeks now get it together, but if you’ve got me just get me a gift card, you know those ones you can get anywhere. Y/n🪩- I agree with heids, you have had two weeks to get a gift for yours, everyone has. but if you have got me, i’d love some penis pasta would go great with my girls nights xx y/n🪩- that was a joke, please just get me a gift card x Joe🎹- what the hell why is Y/n talking about penis pasta? y/n🪩- sam wants to do secret santa tommorrow instead of two days time. please tell me you haven’t been idiots like dean and drew and have already got a gift for your secret santa. the penis pasta was a joke xx. Joe🎹- yeah i’ve got mine, tomorrows fine with me. look lads if you’ve got me get one of those crosswords puzzles, be great to do on the bus or studio during quiet time. Tom U🎸- Just read through the messages, aha I’ll make sure to get you some penis pasta for your birthday y/n. but yeah tomorrow’s great, mines tiny so… Tom C 🎓- yeah tomorrow’s okay, nobody better have gotten me penis pasta, cos that shit will be going straight back. Johnny 🎷- tomorrows good, I love that penis pasta has become the topic of conversation now ahahahah🤣🤣 y/n🪩- you know what I’m just going to assume that Dean and Drew have gone out to the shops now, so their going to come tomorrow, if not two people are going to be left without presents tomorrow…I apologise on behalf of the two idiots xx. Y/n🪩- sam what time are we all to arrive at yours tomorrow? Sam🕺- is 9pm good? we could all go out on the toon after? we haven’t got to get that train until 6 in the afternoon anyway? y/n🪩- Sounds good! i’ll go knocking on everyone’s doors on the way to yours anyway, funny how everyone lives on the way to yours from mine🤣🤣 sam🕺- yeah, the organisers of everything live on opposite sides of the town and then the people they drag along live on the way, funny how life works out huh? 🤣🤣 y/n🪩- absolutely hilarious, see ya at 9 tomorrow xx

2 DAYS BEFORE SECRET SANTA- HEIDI

“You were expecting sam right?” I ask, i’ve seen them all over y/ns instagram, so I know just what they look like and who I was expecting at the north sheilds train station.

“yeah kinda, who are you?” “look, it’s on a need to know basis, it’s just sam had to drag me along to come get you, because he can’t be seen in the papers, because of y/n Yadda yadda. He’s in the car waiting.”

“won’t they take pictures of us though?” the tallest one asks. “no. I’m not famous enough and you boys are wearing caps and sunglasses so I think you’ll be just fine.” I say hurrying them through the barriers.

“now hurry along before Drew and Dean catch us.” “Who?” the long haired one asks while walking down the stairs. “you’ll know tomorrow when you meet the rest of them.” “wait I thought it was just the one person. sam said he only had one person to give the gift to.” the married one says. “yeah well it’s a secret santa and we’re not really meant to know… so it’d be a bit weird if sam gave Y/n her present tomorrow and the rest of us had to wait 2 days…Just get in Sam will explain the whole thing.” I reply opening Sam’s car door for them. “I don’t think we’re all going to fit.” the curly haired one says.

“duh, I was only here for the ride, I need to go find out what drew and dean have bought. I need to make sure it’s not penis pasta. see ya all tomorrow.” I reply shutting them all in sam’s car and walking off into town to find drew and dean.

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THE NEW SECRET SANTA DAY-8 pm.

I was getting ready to leave for sam’s. his present all wrapped up. I was just curling my hair before i had to leave and go and get the rest of the gang. and my phone rang out so i popped my curlers down.

SAMMY🕺

his name appeared on my screen so i answered it

“hey sammy, You okay?”

“yeah i’m good y/n. erm can you look out your window?”

“yeah of course, 2 seconds”

my heels clicked across my lino floor for a few seconds until I reached my bedroom window which I looked out of and found Sam standing outside.

wait... is that?

no... it can't be.

they don't even know each other. I examined them further, it was them. How they knew each other I had no idea. I rushed downstairs and out the door and flew into sam's arms. "do you like your secret Santa, darling?" He says before I break the hug to "like it? I love it. Thank you." I say placing a kiss on Sam's cheek before Matty clears his throat next to sam and then saying "shall we get on with it mate, times ticking?" "yeah we should. Yer got the music?" "course otherwise this would be a fail." Matty guffaws at sam "alreet." and all of a sudden the backing track of Mine plays. and matty starts singing "there comes a time in a young mans life" while sam runs round his car and joins george on the end and then by the time matty reaches the second verse the rest of the 1975 boys and sam hold big a2 posterboard cards up that read "will you be my girlfriend?" I nod and run around to where sam was stood and he pulls me in for a kiss dipping me down, while the rest of the boys whoop and cheer. When he brings me back up I say "I'm guessing you got me for secret santa then?" he nods "good cause I got you too"

⋆｡°✩

"ahh tonnight was well fun" I say reminiscing on that night

"I love that i finally got yer, I remember yer face when Matty gave yer the rare australian vinyl signed" sam says "please my face? what about yours when I gave yer that rare springsteen vinyl? yer were streaming tears like." "yeah, well I'm just gonna get yer penis pasta next year" "yer wouldn't dare" I say gasping while narrowing my eyes at him "Oh I would."

[playlistbyjo]

Made a little playlist that reminds me of sam fender! so that whenever i’m in a bad mood i could just think of him (yes, im delulu). And i'll be adding more songs to it. Feel free to let me know what songs to add (or remove😌)

[slutforsfender]

Hey I don’t know if you could do an imagine of being with Sam when he meets Bruce Springsteen with the boys and him being so emotional after and comforting him x

Meeting Idols (Request)

Sam Fender x Reader

You were currently backstage in Italy with your boyfriend, Sam and his bandmates. Sam was pacing up and down, pulling out his hair as he was told Bruce Springsteen was coming to talk to him before he went on stage to support the idol of his.

"Darling it's going to be okay, he already likes you otherwise you wouldn't be here now supporting him. Stop stressing, I will be here I promise" You said, grabbing his hands and looking in his eyes.

"God what would I do without you?" He questions as he settles.

"We'll never know, I think he's coming now. Come on" You say as you pull him to his mates.

"This is mental like" Dean says as they all group together.

You leave them all to stand together as a band while you go towards the back.

"Hiya all of you. I just want to say good luck for tonight but I have no doubt you will do incredible as you usually do"

"Fucking hell like this is incredible right now. Can't even believe me eyes right now like. We just wanna say we are honoured to have this experience, it means the world like to us lads" Sam says, trying to keep his composure,

"Well you are an incredible performer so the honour is mine, I'm sure you will do great as you usually do. No need for any nerves" Bruce assures the lads in front of him.

"I just want this is a privellege for us all especially for me. I mean you are on of me idols like and my brother showed me your music so you have a special place in my heart so this is incredible. Thankyou" Sam explains before Bruce has to leave.

He hugs each one of the lads before he had to leave which you are pretty sure made them all nearly collapse right then and there.

You straight away walked up to Sam to see him with tears coming down his face.

"Come 'ere" You said, engulfing him in your arms.

"The imposter syndrome is real" He whispers into your shoulder.

"You deserve all of this Sam, don't be silly. I'm so proud and happy for you" You say as you look into his ocean eyes.

"Thank you darling. Reet I need to go get ready for the stage" He explains, wiping his face.

"You're gonna be incredible. Smash it" You assure him before giving him one last kiss.

Your heart had never been so full seeing the lads so happy and in shock after meeting Bruce and now playing for his tour. You couldn't wipe the smile of your face just like the boys.

You blew Sam a kiss as he put his guitar over his shoulder as he gave you a nod.

You watched the whole performance with tears in your eyes as you see your boyfriend and close friends living their dream. It was an incredible performance as usual with such a special feeling.

Soon as Sam came off stage you gave him a kiss and told him you loved before you all ran off to go get ready to watch Bruce's performance.

It was such an incredible night and you couldn't be any happier or prouder.

[jane-gunson123]

Dead Boys.

When a geordie boxer looses her brother to suicied a week before the biggest fight of her career and walks out to her boyfriends song, Dead Boys.

Main masterlist

Sam Fender masterlist

Growing up with brothers meant Lacey was always fighting. Whether it was with her brothers, Jordan and kyle or other people, it was all she seamed to do. Her oldest brother, Jordan had a different mam to her and Kyle, and grew up in Sunderland meaning they only saw him a few days a week but that didn’t matter they were still siblings. 

When Lacey was 15 Jordan had signed a contract at liverpool and his football career started to take off and Kyle was 17, a year away from leaving for uni to become whatever his heart desired, he was intelligent enough to do anything, really. 

Lacey was never very academically gifted, she much preferred to be out on the streets doing what ever she pleased. She hated how much control authority figures had over her. The only reason she kept going was to one, make her brothers proud and two, see her best friends everyday, Sam, Dean and Abi. The four of them had ran North Shields ragged in their youth, terrorising the neighbors and business owners all there teens.   

On the 18th August 2012, Lacey had gotten her GCSE results back, they were shocking, 4 D’s and 1 C in PE the only thing she was good at, she had laughed it off at first, until she realised she couldn’t even apply for a proper collage course without resitting them. She hated exam's and refused to even attempt her GCSE’s again. 

After wondering aimlessly around North Shields for the better part of 2 hours, she decided to let of some steam and wondered into a boxing gym she had passed many a times. That was probably the best decision he had ever made to this day, for that was the day her life changed forever. 

That was about 11 years ago now and Lacey Henderson was very quickly becoming a household name in women's boxing. She was a mear 2 weeks away from the biggest fight of her career against Katie Taylor for the WBA,IFB and WBC belts while also putting her own belt she had defender 3 times already the WBO belt.

Her life had changed dramatically in the past 11  years, she had gone from living a life of poverty to upper middle class but yet she still refused to live anywhere apart from North Shields. 

She was still extremely close to both her brother, she had watched Jordan’s devastating defeat in the Euros final a mere few months ago and Kyle had just welcomed a little girl, Bella into the world with his girlfriend, Rosie 10 months ago. They had met at a bar in the quayside, Rosie being a English teacher at her old high school and Kyle being a fireman ment they often only saw each other for a couple hours day but the love they shared was unbeatable.

Lacey still remained close to her best friends, so close in fact she was in bed with one of them. Her and sam had always loved each other more than friends but had only actually gotten together about 6 months before lockdown and what was even more surprising was catching Abi and Dean the other half of there group in Abi’s bed after a practically, heavy drinking session the day before after lockdown rules had been lifted. 

6 days till fight night, she had her friend, boyfriend and team around her. Jordan and Kyle were only expected to show up a day before her fight but both rang her everyday to show their support. Lacey and Kyle had lost their mam to an overdose 3 weeks before Lacey’s 18th birthday and then the three hd lost their father to cancer 5 years ago, so they only really had each other as family now, even if they did have about a 100 cousins up and down the country thanks to their dads Gypies roots.

After finishing a sparring session, Lacey had picked up her phone to see 7 missed calls from Rosie, Kyle's girlfriend, 5 off Jordan and 3 off Sam, who was only back at the house they owned in London, which happened to be next to the Gym she attended their and Wembley arena where the fight was due to happen in 6 days time.

Lacey had decided to stay behind while everyone else had left and continue to work on her form with the punching bag.

Pulling the tape of her hands once she had finished her training for the day, Laceys phone began to ring, “Hello.” Lacey answered. 

“Lace.” Rosie answered back in hysterics.

“Woah, what’s the matter, Rose? Is everyone okay?” lacey asked, anxious. She never really showed emotion but she had never heard Rosie sound so distressed.

“He’s gone, lace.” She sobbed.

“Who’s gone? What u on about?” Lacey questioned again.

“Kyle,” Rosie sobbed, “He's dead.”

The room began to spin and lights began to blur, it was like Lacey had no control over her body as she fell to her knee and her phone slipped out of her hands.

She didn’t know how long she had been on her knees, staring at the wall in frount of her but what she did know was no tears fell. It was like she went blank and just simply couldn’t process the information she had been told.

Pulled out of her thoughts by her phone ringing once again, it was Sam but she didn’t answer. Just simply declined the call, stood up and walked toward the locker room in the gym.

After showering and changing into a tracksuit she had stolen of Sam a few weeks ago, Lacey simply packed her bag and began her walk home to hers and Sam’s house.

Nobody had heard from her in over an hour since she had found out about her brother and they were beginning to panic she would do something silly, you never know how dark someone’s mind can go after hearing news like that.

Unlocking the front door, she was engulfed into Sam’s arms, he had been waiting for her to arrive him since he had heard about Kyle.

“It’s alright love, I promise I’m always here, whenever you need me, okay?” Sam reassured her.

“I’m okay Sam, honest” Lacey replied, but Sam had know the girl since she was 5 and could tell when she tried to hide what she was feeling, her big blue eyes usually gave it away.

“You might think u are but your not. It’s okay to cry darlin’, just let it all out.” Sam rubbed her back pulling her onto his knee on the floor.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone.” She spoke meekly, tears pooling in her eyes.

Soon the water works started and they didn’t stop, not until late into the night anyways.

That was 5 days ago and nobody apart from close family and friends knew what had happened to her brother. She didn’t want it to get out before her fight and everybody was completely understanding.

Jordan had arrived about 2 hours ago with his wife to watch her weigh ins. He was worried about Lacey. Worried that she break in the ring, that it would all be to overwhelming for.

Lacey stepped on the scaled making her weight by 5 pounds, it was weird for her not wearing anything about from an underwear set, and yet she had never felt more confident and Sam thought she looked stunning witch he was sure going to tell her later on when he had he to him self.

Katie Taylor had also made her weight and the two nearly ended up in a fight on the stage. It was entertaining for the fans but also fuelled a fire with in Lacey that couldn’t be put out.

The next 24 hours flew by, she had slept and eaten but could really remember doing anything else. Usually in the locker room before a fight nerves are high and adrenaline is pumping but in all honestly Lacey’s team had never seen her so mellow.

She was sat in the corner getting her hands wrapped with AirPod in calm, listening to music in a world of her own.

It was eventually time for her to walk out, with a sigh Lacey stood up and made her way to the tunnel to walk out. Her team were waiting for her walk out song to start playing, it had been picked weeks ago, shortly after the fight had been announced, so imagine there supprise when instead of Get up 10 by Cardi B Dead Boys by none other than her boyfriend Sam Fender started playing.

Her team knew it was a not so subtle nod to her now passed brother but everyone else was clueless. After a slow walk out, Lacey jumped in the ring and smirked at Katie Taylor as Dead Boys finished playing, Lacey pulled her walk out outfit off with the help of her coach, Peter Roberts.

“You got this kid,” Peter said lightly grabbing her head. Lacey just nodded and smiled. She had this and he knew it.

“Fighting out of the blue corner, all the way from Bray, Northern Ireland, Katie ‘The Bray Bomber’ Taylor, weighting in at 66 kilos, 5ft5 with a reach of 66 inches. 22 wins, 6 by K.O. Undefeated champion, with three belts on the line, WBA, IFB and WBO” the announcer screamed over the speakers.

“The challenger, fighting out of the red corner, all the way from North Shields, Newcastle, England, Lacey “The Siren” Henderson, weight in at 65.95 kilos, 5ft7 with a reach of 70 inches. Undefeated with 13 wins, 7 by K.O with the WBO belt on the line, but looking to take all four titles in her weight class.” The announcement had finished.

With the touch of gloves the fight had began, they were going for 12, 3 minute rounds to decide the champ.

It was neck to neck going into the 7th round but Katie was getting tired, while Lacey was only just starting.

Katie went in to attack but left her chin u guarded, so Lacey used that to her advantage, a swift left hook to Katie’s jaw, followed buy an uppercut and a jab to the stomach sent Katie flying onto the canvas.

After the count of 10 Katie was still unmoved, she had done it she was world champion and had all 4 belts.

Ripping her gloves off with her teeth and chucking them, she ran and jumped up onto the ropes, kissing her fingers, before putting both arms in the air and looking up.

“That’s for you big brother.” She mumbled, it was inaudible to anyone else but she knew her brother was there with her, he was in her heart and always would be.

Her team flooded the ring, hosting her on their shoulders before they cleared off and let her grab the refs had before he raised it announcing she now had all 4 belts.

She was pulled aside to talk to a reporter, tears were streaming down her face.

“So, what was that celebration aimed at?” The reporter asked.

Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder and moods his head encouraging her to continue.

“I lost me older brother, Kyle, 6 days ago. He was meant to be here tonight, buts he’s not, he took his own life after losing a long hard battle with depression, and I never want anymore of me family to feel like they have no one cos I’ve been there before and it’s a dark and lonely place. Boxing saved is but if I hadn’t stumbled into that gym at 16, I can guarantee I wouldn’t be here today.” The tears streamed steadily down the young Geordie’s face, her accent become almost incomprehensible.

“You were the underdog going into that fight, how does it feel to come out on top?” The report asked, scribbling down her last answer.

“I’ve always been the fucken underdog, nouts changed. I just like proving people wrong.”

“What can we expect to see from you in the next year?”

“I want a family, and while I would love me own kids, it’s not the right time in my career or me partners, so maybe a new member to me family, we want to adopt. And fighting wise, who knows the world I’d ready for my to conquer. I’m 26 and already have won every single belt there is too win, so I divint nar to be honest”

“And finally is there any one you would like to call out?” The reporter asked.

“Anyone who thinks they can take these belts of me, come and give it a try.”

They story of her brother was now public knowledge as 4 days later there was hoards of reports outside Newcastle Crematorium as they laid Kyle to rest. The service was beautiful and Sam and Jordan never left her side once.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but I’m so fucken proud of you, after everything your still here and fighting.” Jordan said as he pulled her closer and kissed her forehead .

He shielded Lacey away from the flashing cameras of the newspaper as he guided her out to his car with Sam and Rebecca, Jordan’s wife and Rosie not far behind.

They pulled up outside of the Low Lights in North Shields to give there brother a proper send off and that was just what they did. They drank the day away with stories of the last and their youth all the way up to the last time they had all been together at Lacey and Sam’s house for Christmas, when Sam burnt the turkey and Jordan got that drunk he fell on top of the Christmas tree, knocking over Lacey’s candles, nearly setting the house on fire.

They had laughed, cried and grieved together but this wasn’t the hardest part of kissing there brother that part was still to come but Lacey would be fine, Sam would be by her side thought everything, just like he had been every time Lacey needed him and even when she didn’t he was there and for that she was forever great full for him.

In the months to come Lacey and Sam would become parents, just not in the way they thought, as it turns out Rosie had been 4 months pregnant when Kyle had passed. After finding out she was 6 months gone and was not getting rid of it.

The pregnancy was stressful and hard but Lacey was by her side thought it all, even when she took her last breath after delivering a beautiful little boy into the world.

It had been Sam and Lacey to take her brother and sister in laws children in. They would raise the two kids as there own but never letting them forgot how brave and strong there parents really were.

Rosie was buried next to Kyle and Sam and Lacey would take the kids to visit there parents every few weeks.

Little did they know at the time but the two children would be forever great full for there aunt and uncle.

Growing old together was all Sam and Lacey ever wanted and that was what they did. They had raised two kids, and being grandparents to their kids and many dogs and both had extremely successful careers so when they both passed at the age of 86 together in the home in North Shields, everyone knew they had lived fulfilling lives and had no regrets.

It was a perfect end to a story with a horrible start but everyone deserves a happy ending eventually.

[raisinghellonstarbug]

Sam Fender prompt fic request from @jhangelface0523 ... “I couldn’t kiss you all day! Let me make up for it now."

Sam Fender x fem!reader ficlet, Need You Around

Content warning: hint of swearing, smoking (slight mention of drug use)

--

It was a warm early evening. Around dusk time.

You were sitting outside the tour bus where you had a decking chair set up. It was a couple of hours to go before you all needed to be ready for the gig.

Even at this point you still couldn't believe that you were on this tour with the boys, let alone in Munich, but it seemed that this was what life was turning into. This was the big time now ever since the new album had been released.

You could hear Sam on board chatting shit about god knows what in the background; but it was a comfort nevertheless to hear him enjoying himself.

You were puffing away on a cigarette that you knew was not ideal for your vocals, but with the slight continuous pressure of being on stage tugging at your heartstrings every time you were getting closer to the next gig, you decided to allow yourself the odd one to get you through it.

Of course however you have been intermittently smoking for eight years now. But when you saw Sam, Dean, Dru, Joe, Johnny and Tom all smoking joints fairly regularly (which really was also ciggies too), it justified your filthy habit.

You could hear Sam and Dean's laughter from the bus and you chuckled, taking another drag of your cancer stick.

You then remembered what he whispered to you last night like a comfort blanket, silky and smooth, fluttering your eyes closed to relive it:

"Love, I'm really feeling something special with ya and I dannae know how to even describe it like. But fuck, I need you around. You're keeping me human."

It had struck a chord for you as it made the whole thing all the more real.

But it was telling the others that you were getting really serious, and they didn't even know about you both yet.

You had known Sam for around five years at this point and had only begun dating him in the last few months. But in secret. You knew it was an issue to start a relationship with him when you had become one of the lads, but also given that you had been the solid opening act for Sam on and off now since 2018. Working together and sleeping together weren't necessarily a good mix.

But then your heart tugged again, and not because of the nerves of performing, but because of your ever growing feelings for the Geordie boy. You couldn't tell him all of that yet. Not yet.

He then came outside and saw you, his eyes transfixed on yours instantly. He gave you that smile, the one that made you melt and he bit his lip, scratching his hair and coming towards you with intent.

"Hey Y/n, there you are, you alright lass?"

You nodded and sighed, taking in the scent of him around you and finishing off your cigarette, stubbing it into the ground.

"Yeah yeah, fine just thinking..."

"Thinking about what, about me is it?" That boyish grin was to die for. Fucking cocky too.

You scoffed and retorted trying to hide back a grin, "Yeah yeah, thinking about how much of an arrogant arse you are-"

He then laughed and grappled you, getting a hold of you in a cuckold, his arm around your neck and pulling you down with him to the ground, you yelling at him to get off and let go.

As he brought you down and loosened his grip, he then transfixed you again under his hard gaze, his eyes so beautiful in the low light. Suddenly, he kissed you. You were surprised by his lips, not expecting it and half afraid one of the boys would walk out of the bus to discover you both in this compromising position.

You then let go and tried to back away but he wasn't having it. He was chuckling and as you straightened yourself up to walk away from him he grabbed your hand and took you away from the main door of the bus, heading over to a darker corner behind it.

You lowered your voice, panic still laced in, "No no Sam what are you doing you know we can't let them find out about us yet!"

You let go of his hand and you still tried to push him away playfully, but he was still grinning at you and you couldn't help but soften your attitude, looking at you with those blue irises, almost puppy dog like and so annoyingly charming.

"Love, let me please. Let me, I couldn't kiss you all day! Let me make up for it now..."

He then grabbed you close and you gave up trying to resist him. He guided you gently to lean against the exterior of the bus and pressed his lips onto yours once more, the softness of his touch contrasting the heat and impending need you knew he had. Let's face it, he was probably horny. He was a guy after all. You giggled at the thought.

He had one hand on your waist and the other leaning over your head. The smell of him was even more intoxicating than before. You couldn't get enough. You were heavily engulfed in the kiss until you needed oxygen again. You were both a little out of breath and his face had gone red. As you came back to reality, you were in awe of how worked up you could get him. He looked dangerously hot like this.

You knew you would have to wait until later though for any more to happen, specifically when everyone was asleep.

You looked forward to having the opportunity to make noise during sex again when the tour was over.

--

Fin!

Hope you enjoyed it <3

Let me know x

[pacifymebby]

My Bloody Valentine

If you want to go on a taglist for this reply to this post x

🐇 chapter one 🐇

🐇chapter two🐇

[imwriting0verhere]

Absolute Bliss

As you’re making your way up the few steps to your front door, you can’t wait to finally be home with your fiancé. Sam was back from promo interviews and a photoshoot down in London the last few days, but you had spent all afternoon and evening celebrating one of your best friends’ birthday. You two only had a quick ten minutes together before it was time for you to leave. And as you unlock the door and quietly step inside your home, you cannot wait to spend the rest of the weekend in your own little bubble, at home with the love of your life.

Quickly putting your keys into the decorative bowl and taking of your heels, you begin to make your way towards the living room. Expecting Sam to have spend his evening there. To your surprise, all the lights are turned off except for the one in the hallway where you’re currently still standing. The man of the house nowhere to be found.

You check the time on your phone and note that it’s only just gone past 10pm. For both of you, that’s a fairly early bedtime, especially during the weekend. Strange, you think to yourself, as you turn towards the stairwell and make your way upstairs.

As soon as you step into the bedroom, a smile forms on your face and you’re itching to close the distance between you and Sam.

He’s sprawled out on his side of the mattress. Only clad in his black boxer briefs, the thin blanket covering his torso. One hand next to his head as the other one rests on his chest, ever so gently rising with his relaxed breathing. You can even hear him softly snore.

Both of your bedside lamps, as well as the floor lamp by the window are turned on and plunge the entire room in a soft yellowy-golden light. This is the definition of bliss, you think. And you almost don’t want to disrupt it, but being away from Sam for almost a week helps you make up your mind. You take the few steps towards the bed and carefully sit down next to his peacefully sleeping form. Reaching your left hand up into his soft hair, you brush some of the strands away and admire his handsome face. Starting to cares his face and slowly down his neck, your touch has the desired effect and Sam begins to stir and wake up. As your hands come to a stop on his naked chest, he carefully opens his eyes and lets out a sleepy groan

“Hhmmm…Y/N/N” a smile instantly forms on his face and as he wakes up more he moves the hand next to his head and engulfs your fingers in his.

“Fuck, what time is it? I was gan wait up for you”

“God you’re so fucking cute” you mumble to yourself as you can’t hide the grin and blush his statement sparks in you

“It’s quarter past ten or something, not very late yet. I’m honestly surprised you’re in bed already” you tease him.

He looks at you, slightly offended but you know he’s only levelling up to your teasing.

“Aye, a’ve been on the train all day, after a week of promo. Give us a break reet” he challenges you with a spark in his eyes, but you can see the lack of sleep and exhaustion clear on his face. And honestly, you’re just as ready to get into bed and have a restful night’s sleep.

“Alright” you say as you squeeze his hand and stand up “I’ll quickly get ready so we can sleep”.

Before you’re out of reach Sam playfully slaps your bum and sends you off into the direction of the adjacent bathroom. You quickly brush your teeth and clean your face after taking off your makeup, and not even 10 minutes later you emerge in only your knickers and bra, discarding the latter as you make your way to bed. Sam looks slightly more awake now and he eagerly opens his arms for you as you finally re-take your rightful place next to him. As soon as your head hits the pillow, Sam pulls the blanket up around you and turns your body into his side. Your head in the crook of his neck and half resting on his chest, one leg thrown over his. You lazily run your fingers over the soft patch of hair and start playing with his necklace that is perched atop. And you feel Sam start stroking his fingers through your silky hair absentmindedly, his other hand drawing patterns on your arm, your back. Every part of your soft skin that’s in reach for him. And you just lie there for a few minutes. No words being spoken. You’re just enjoying and refamiliarizing yourselves with the other.

Being away from each other because of Sam’s job is always hard, and over the last four years you’ve learned how to manage those times. But after spending almost an entire year with Sam at home because he had taken a break and just used that time to write and record, and him asking you to marry him just a few months ago, this week apart was harder than it ever felt before.

“Hope you had a good time tonight” he nuzzles softly into your hair

“It was lovely! The food was so good, Rachael made the birthday cake of course. She’s such a genius” you both chuckle at that, thinking back to all the tasty cakes, cupcakes and desserts she had conjured up over the years. “And Evie loooved the present we got for her. She actually couldn’t believe we’d all chip in for a trip to Venice this summer”

Sam plants a loving kiss onto your skin before he responds

“She’s really got the best friends aye” to which you lift your head up so you can look at him

“Guess she does aye” your voice gets softer as you mimic him and for a moment you just look at each other.

Sometimes you can’t believe you actually get to grow old and spend your life with Sam. You both grew up in Shields, being around the same friendship groups you have basically known each other all your lives. But once Sam started music and his career took off you’d never expected him to be interested and wanting to spend his life with someone from his small hometown.

But Sam always thinks he’s the lucky one. Never in a million years did he think he’d get to make music and have the most amazing and beautiful girl he’s ever known fall in love with him, and wanting to be with him despite his crazy work.

He gently cups your face in his hand and pulls you towards him. Leaving a soft peck at the corner of your mouth, he finally closes the distance all the way and presses his soft lips firmly onto yours. You sink into the kiss and move your hand from his chest around to the back of his neck and into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. A soft groan leaves your lips and Sam uses the moment to dip his tongue into your mouth, softly nip at your lip before breaking the kiss completely. Still dazed you just whine at the loss of contact and open your eyes to look at him

“I love you so much” he looks back at you so sincerely and full of love. You can feel that familiar flutter in your belly that he always seems to elicit.

“I love you so much Sammy” you connect your lips with his again, needing him to feel how much you adore him. As you pull apart after a while, you tuck your head back into the crook of his neck and nuzzle as close into him as possible. Turning off the light and casting the two of you into darkness, Sam thinks back to the events of his day and how lucky he is that he gets to come home to you. Absolute bliss. For the rest of his life.                             

[your-divine-ribs]

Kinktober 🩵 Surrender

"Think you can handle me?" He smirked down on you.

Words: 2.3k // Sam Fender // maybe size kink idk // inspired by that video of Sam boxing 🥊

Kinktober Masterlist Main Masterlist

🩵 You hated gyms. You much preferred going for a run to keep fit, hearing your feet rhythmically pounding the pavement and feeling the sun on your skin and the wind in your hair. You were alone out there with your thoughts, not cooped up in a sweaty room with those insufferable posers who spent more time checking out their reflections than working on their fitness. But still... here you were.

🩵 You reasoned with yourself that there was good reason to keep paying your local gym's extortionate monthly fees despite your aversion to the place. It wasn't the promise of that unattainable gym body or the high tech equipment or even the high energy cardio classes that saw you keep coming back though. It was something else far more alluring.

🩵 You watched him now from across the room, head down whilst he drove his gloved fists into the trainer's cushioned pads. Over and over again, harsh and precise, his face a mask of determination and concentration.

🩵 He was the fuel of your recent fantasies, almost a stranger if not for the frequent loaded glances you two shared across the workout space, the casual smile of greeting as you slipped past him on your way to the changing rooms, often feeling more heated from watching him train than your own workout.

🩵 You'd been following his progress for months now, you'd watched his slender frame transform as he'd bulked up. He looked so strong now with his big broad back and those powerful arms, the muscles in his biceps evident as he drew back to take another swing at the trainer's pad.

🩵 Just imagine what damage that powerful body could do to a little thing like you, you thought, heat rising in the most inappropriate places. You squirmed lightly against the narrow seat of the exercise bike you were perched on, temporarily forgetting you were supposed to be working out.

🩵 "Ever tried boxing? It's great cardio ya know, much better than those bikes." His warm Geordie twang carried to you across the gym, snapping you out of your sordid thoughts. "Mind you, you'd probably find it more effective if ya actually peddled on it."

🩵 "Oh... I... err... I just got distracted for a moment," you stuttered, your cheeks blazing at being caught staring, your feet reaching for the pedals.

🩵 "Oh aye?" He cocked his head at you, playfully cheeky in a way that flustered you even more. "Well why don't you come and join me then? Mike's got to leave early so I need a sparring partner. Maybe I could teach ya a thing or two? Get yer pulse racing more than that bike ever could."

🩵 Oh... this boy was trouble. The glint of mischief in his eyes, the smirk on his face that made his dimples pop. You found yourself climbing down off the bike automatically even though you weren't sure if it was such a good idea. "Sparring? Me? I hardly think I'd be any good at that!"

🩵 "Come on, it's easy," he urged, holding out the gloves to you. "I'll go easy on ya... promise. I'm Sam by the way."

🩵 So there you were ten minutes later, both not caring that the gym had started to empty out so close to closing time. Your fists were clenched inside the boxing gloves and you tried to stand tall even though Sam dwarfed you in his stance, not quite athletic but certainly solid. You may as well have been standing in front of a brick wall. As you were a complete beginner he'd assured you that he wouldn't fight back. "Just come at me," he grinned encouragingly. "Let's see what ya got."

🩵 "Aren't you gonna wear any protective gear? Maybe I'm tougher than I look!" You giggled, knocking your gloves together, bouncing on the balls of your feet, enjoying the blatant flirtation between the two of you.

🩵 "I don't doubt it," he smiled, fixing you with a challenge in his eyes as he made a show of bracing himself. You weren't a violent person so fighting didn't come naturally to you, but your fiery side was undeniably sparked.

🩵 The first punch you threw had little strength and Sam dodged it easily, the second connected with his forearm but he swatted it quickly away. You huffed out a laugh, loving the playful chemistry that crackled between you, cursing as you fired a few more blows and they glanced off him like they were thin air.

🩵 "Feisty little thing ain't ya?" He chuckled, swerving to the side as the drive of your fist nearly made you stumble over the mat. You swiftly righted yourself, pulling another few punches to his gut in quick succession which made him suck in a breath.

🩵 "Don't judge a book by it's cover, I might be small but I'm deadly!" You laughed, shooting your fists out again and again, satisfied when they connected with the plane of Sam's chest. He was right, boxing definitely did get your pulse racing. You were already working up a sweat, a ticklish bead of perspiration trickling down from your collar bone to your cleavage which Sam's eyes hungrily followed.

🩵 "Good girl, that was a solid hit," he said, and you tried to ignore the way his words of praise travelled straight down between your thighs. "Now why don't you really come for me? Give me all that ya got. I can take it!"

🩵 "I hope you're ready!" You warned with a grin. The air between you was thrumming, the heat rising between you certainly not just from your physical endeavours. The gym had fully emptied and you were both red-faced and panting into the silence. Sam ducked and he twisted, deflecting blow after blow and you were sure that you'd never land a hit on him again until you caught his eyes raking down your Lycra-clad frame and you took your chance.

🩵 You barrelled into him with all your might, fists pistoning, letting out a growl of exertion. You caught him unawares and heard his breath leave him in a shallow grunt, your momentum carrying your body forwards as Sam stumbled and tripped on the mat, flailing backwards, spitting out expletives whilst you tumbled clumsily on top of him.

🩵 "I did it, I got you! I got you down! You'd better surrender!" You cried triumphantly. You scrambled up to straddle his waist, acutely aware of the solid thickness of him through the thin material of your skimpy gym shorts. So he was big everywhere.

🩵 "Hey, not so fast!" He countered, and in a swift motion he'd grabbed both your wrists, flipping you over so you were the one lying on the mat whilst he knelt above you, hands secured at your sides. "Ya can't just attack and get complacent," he smirked down on you. "Ya always gotta be ready for a retaliation."

🩵 "But you said you wouldn't fight back!" You protested, trying to wriggle your arms free but it was no use. Just as suspected he was much too strong, his broad frame hovering over you, his blue eyes mesmerising as they bored into you. His gaze alone could probably pin you down just as effectively as the tight grip he had on your wrists.

🩵 His smile widened, lips curling into a devilish grin, teasing. He was enjoying this just as much as you, having you lying there beneath him in submission. "I said I wouldn't fight back but I never said anything about letting you win did I? Now I think you'll be the one surrendering."

🩵 Your breath caught as he allowed his body to sink down closer to yours, your hips almost touching. You needed more, feeling bold, arching your back a little off the floor so your bodies met, giving your hips an experimental roll into his. You looked him dead in the eye. "Make me."

🩵 That was all the encouragement he needed. His lips were on yours in a second, capturing the hungry groan that bubbled up as he let his body weight sink down fully on to yours. He pulled your wrists up above your head, still pinning them to the mat as the gloves got discarded. His tongue explored your mouth as desire buzzed through your body.

🩵 "Been dreaming about this," he muttered as he pulled back, remaining close with his forehead still pressed to yours. "How you'd feel beneath me, how your lips would taste. It's all I've been thinking of if ya must know."

🩵 "Me too," you admitted, gasping as his lips travelled down your jaw to find your neck, blood rushing to the surface as he nipped along your collarbone. "I want you... right here and now. There's no one around... it's just us, c'mon..."

🩵 He felt so big pressing down on you, your legs spread achingly wide for him as he began to slowly grind against you, his flimsy gym shorts not much of a barrier against the feel of him hot and hard and eager for you. "Really fucking want you," you gasped out.

🩵 "We can't do it here," he said, frustration and desire lacing his words in conflict. "What if someone comes in? We're in the middle of the bloody gym! Security'll be here to lock up at any minute."

🩵 "Changing rooms!" You blurted out, rocking your hips up harder into his, forcing a growl from his lips that made you almost come undone there and then. "C'mon, no one'll see us if we hurry."

🩵 It wouldn't be your first choice of location for an intimate first time hookup, soaked in sweat and pressed up against the wall of a gym changing room by a practical stranger.

🩵 “Fuck... I can't believe what we're doin'!" He hissed as you both hurriedly shed clothing, racing against getting caught in the act but also desperate to feel each other's skin on your own. It was wild and risky and crazy but that just added to the thrill.

🩵 He picked you up like you weighed nothing, your body sliding against the cool tiled wall as you wrapped your legs around his hips. There was something so raw and carnal and downright filthy about it, it made your cunt clench, you wanted him to ruin you in the best way possible.

🩵 "Think you can handle me?" He smirked down on you. Just as you suspected he was big and you almost balked at the sight of him, your hesitance quickly chased away as he pressed himself hot and snug to your entrance, his tip breeching you temptingly as you clung to him. "Give me all you've got," you whispered, eyes meeting in a moment of pure lust as you recited his earlier words. "I can take it."

🩵 It was a struggle, the thickness of his cock making you burn and stretch tight around him, your eyes watering as he pushed inside with a guttural groan. Your fingers clawed at his broad back, scrambling to find purchase as he filled you to the brim. "Goddamn... you're so fucking tight. Feels so good... shit..."

🩵 You didn't think you'd ever been filled this good before, every slow push of his hips pressing his cock impossibly deeper inside you until you felt like he could split you in two. It was sublime, the reality of him taking you like this so daringly in a public place everything that you'd been fantasising about.

🩵 "So... are ya gonna surrender after all?" He breathed down on you, delighted at the little choked whimpers you stuttered out as he began to rut his hips at a powerful pace, pounding you into the wall. In truth you were already too overwhelmed to speak, half-formed garbled words melting into sobs of pleasure as his hands slipped between your sweat-slicked bodies to rub at your swollen clit.

🩵 "Harder... please... fuck me harder!" You choked out, begging unabashedly. His pace increased in tune with your grunts and moans until stars were bursting behind your eyelids, your comparatively slight frame wracked with shudder after shudder.

🩵 He had you coming soon after, the blissful barrage of sensations too powerful to bear, the imposing feel of him fucking you up against the wall everything that you'd dreamed of. Your orgasm hit you like a freight train, your fingernails digging hard enough to leave crescent moons on his bare back.

🩵 "Ahhh... fuck," he groaned, your tight cunt clenching him just right, triggering his own release as you rode out your high. You watched in awe as his gorgeous face twisted in pleasure before his head fell into the hollow of your neck, lips pressed feverishly against your skin.

🩵 You stayed like that for a moment, locked together panting breathlessly, your hands buried in his scruffy curls. "Are ya okay?" His voice was quiet, almost timid compared to the heat of before. "I mean I didn't hurt ya did I? I got a bit carried away." A gentle laugh before he raised his head to look searchingly into your eyes, smile fading as genuine concern surfaced. "I'd really hate to hurt ya."

🩵 Your own smile was reassuring, coaxing his back. The realisation of what you'd just done was starting to filter through your post-orgasmic haze but you were still on a high, on top of the world, soaring to dizzying heights. "I'm good... actually I'm better than good. I really like you Sam."

🩵 "Good," he grinned, lips hovering over yours. "'Cause the feeling's definitely mutual... if it wasn't already obvious." You both laughed against each other's lips, sealing the start of something wonderful with a searing kiss.

[stellatekintsugi]

Sam Fender

[fallingforel]

PROMPTMAS DAY 6- Gingerbread house- Sam fender

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so sorry this has taken me so long i have had a super busy week. i have no idea how im meant to get 6 more out by christmas day. but enjoy. el xx

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It was christmas eve, Sam’s and I’s second christmas as a married couple fourth together. We were currently at my family house on the outskirts of newcastle in the countryside and we were having our traditional gingerbread house making competition. Every year the couples of the extended family take part in a gingerbread house competition of recreating their own houses, the ones who were single were either judges or teamed up with another singleton and created one of the pairs house, when we were younger and for the kids currently they usually help with their parents, sometimes they help judge, but it’s usually the competiveness that stops them from participating, This year sam and I were announcing our pregnancy during this years competition, it was a great way to announce it. My sister and Brother were the judges this year for the fourth time in a row, because naturally they were the only singletons of the L/N family left.

“Welcome to the annual L/N gingerbread house making competition. Okay as always Y/B/N and I are the judges because we have had way too many dates gone wrong this year. you know the rules by now for those who have forgotten it’s as follows, we make the gingerbread cook them, do our annual presents giving for those who won’t be here tomorrow. We then come back, build the houses and by 9pm tonight we have a winner. Jeanie i’m routing for you this year” my sister jokes,great aunt jeanie was always the one to make hers the least realistic as she had a wild imagination and was a cake creator so she brought in ideas that she wanted to try out, she’s usually last place.

“Okay enough, Can we get on with it?” My dad says “yep go start making your gingerbread” My sister says becoming bored and going back to her phone, I must ask her later what that’s all about she’s been glued to the bloody thing all morning.

“we’re bound to win this year” Sam whispers next to me. “Oh for sure this pregnancy announcement is gonna blow the roof of everyone’s” I whisper making sure to keep quiet, not wanting to spoil the surprise. “You make the house, I’ll make the people and fence as always?” I say to him “Yeah we’re bound to win this darling” He says next to me before placing a kiss on my cheek.

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1 hour later and all the gingerbreads were in the ovens, and we were all gathered in the living room to open presents.

“Y/n and sam this one’s yours” My little cousin passed me a rather large present placing it in front of us.

by the time all the presents had been placed in front of everyone and had a pile.

“great aunt jeanie, open yours from us first” I say, “Okay darling, what have you gotten me this year? another phone” “mum that was one year, And they did it as a favour to me because you cannot be sending me letters every time you need me to be popping to the shop besides it was only a landline. open it anyway i’m not having this conversation” My aunt Lucy replies.

She rips the present open “awwh how lovely” she holds up the square cardboard where sam’s face sat “we knew how much you wanted to listen to sam’s music but didn’t know how to work a cd player and music online so we got you the hypersonic missiles vinyl, the seventeen going under one is to follow if you like the first one, jeanie” I say.

“how thoughtful. I think it’s only right if you open my one to you two” “which one is it?” sam asks moving his hand from my thigh to reach to the floor “the rectangle one.” “ahh found it” he says picking it up off the floor and placing it in my lap I open it and it’s a reed diffuser with mine and sam’s initial on it placed in a love heart “Oh this is cute and thoughtful” I say “Lucy found it on the face book. she already got you guys something so she got that from me to you” “It’s not preowned before you ask some woman makes them, and i asked her to make one for you guys” “oh thank you, even if it was preowned it still would’ve been thoughtful” I say

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After all the presents were done we went back into the kitchen and started building our house, sam and I had disguised the pregnant gingerbread into a normal gingerbread person and created two little balls and passed them off as “snowballs” that were going to be incorporated into the gingerbread people throwing them.

“okay do you remember how to build the house, you forgot last year.” I say “i didn’t forget i forgot to bring the sheet i write it down on and had to remember how to build it from memory and i also had to remember how our house looks from the outside. “Still can’t believe you forgot what our house looks like” “we had just moved it was difficult” sam says “whatever, it’s not too late to divorce you” I say in a whisper knowing that if anybody heard the D word it would cause a riot. “might i remind you that your pregnant with my baby” he whispers back in my ear.

we had built the house and had to wait 5 minutes until we could start decoration it so i decided to create the pregnant gingerbread while we waited.

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2 hours later and our gingerbread house was done we used white dripping icing for the snow on the roof, black fondant for the gutter chimney and arial, white fondant for our front door gold fondant for the doorknob beige fondant for our steps, green fondant for the bushes over the gingerbread fences, and then outside the front was the two gingerbread people holding hands stood on the doorstop, with the pregnant and at the base of the house was icing writing that read “welcome baby fender due summer 24”

“Okay times up, we need 30 minutes to judge everyone’s and come up with a winner. so please excuse yourself”

once everyone had vacated the kitchen about 30 seconds later, a loud “OH MY GOD, THERES NO WAY!” sam and i giggled to ourselves before subtly high fiving.

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half an hour later we were all gathered back into the kitchen.

“Okay, so we have a clear winner. announcing their PREGNANCY. yes. PREGNANCY. which has been a first and I certainly hope it’s not the last… I mean we’ve had marriages, divorces. that was a weird one, bless carol i miss her. but never a pregnancy. so for that. Congratulations to the fenders you won this years annual gingerbread house competition” a chorus of “oh my gosh”’s and “awwh congrats” and applauses but sam and i were in our own world hugging and him placing kisses on my cheek.

“this time next year you’ll all have a baby fender to spoil.”

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end

[slutforsfender]

𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 - 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐀𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚

I woke up the next morning wrapped up in Sam's arms around my body. He was holding onto me tight as if he was scared to let go. My head and heart had a million feelings going through them. Fear, happiness, anger, safety. 

I sat for a while staring at the room around while letting my thoughts roam free for a minute trying to come to some sanity. My sixteen year old self was cursing my twenty eight year old self while also being happy at current circumstances. 

Sam started to stir next to me as he woke up, bringing me back to reality. 

"Morning Rose" He rasped out in his morning voice which almost killed all doubts in me. 

"Good morning" I smiled back as he pressed a kiss to my head. 

"I'm scared if I wake up fully this will either be a dream or the conversation we will have will end not how I want to" He spoke, making me tense under his touch.

"I think reality was lost last night for both of us" I laughed a little, my nerves playing through. 

"It could be reality this, but it isn't that easy is it?" He asked, stroking my hair.

"I've only been home for two weeks and here we are. It feels like a chaotic romance, I mean we are chaotic but I don't think we can just sleep together and forget everything that happened and get back together" I sigh. 

"Okay" He says, stopping to think before speaking again. "How about this? We don' forget everything but we don't go back to hating each other either and arguing all the time or being strangers. We try the friend thing?" He says, sitting up and looking me in the eye. 

A feeling settled inside me in that moment. A feeling of I don't whether this will end good or bad but I don't want to loose him again and put myself through that heartache. 

"We'll try the friend thing" I smile as we sit across from each other for a moment in silence. 

"Right I better be going, mam will be skitzing said I was only going for a few" He said causing us to laugh as he gathered his things from the night before.

That conversation was easier than I ever wished yet it left me with a feeling I couldn't even describe. I didn't even want to delve into it as I fell back on my bed and let out the loudest sigh ever.

My mind fell back to one of the first interactions we had back when we were fourteen before there was any romance between us. 

I sat in a Science lesson writing away, answering the questions on the board as my friend who was sat between me and the blonde boy was talking away in my ear. Suddenly the teacher spoke to stop writing and get ready for the bell. 

"Shut up small person" I spoke to Brandon as he made some stupid comment. 

"Oi say that when stood next to Sam" Brandon spoke as he pointed to the tall blonde boy next to him. 

For some weird reason we both stepped closer to each other, comparing heights as Brandon laughed. 

I looked into his eyes with my arms crossed and I felt some weird feeling that I did not let my brain register.

"Oh wow you are actually tall" I spoke as I walked away to my seat, grabbing my backpack as he copied the same action. Our eyes not quite leaving each other as Brandon talked away. 

"Right come on it's break. You need to find your girlfriend and our friends" I said, leading us away as Sam found his friends as well.

My brain came back to reality as I messaged Phoebe, letting her know what happened. 

Phoebe: Right well it sounds like we need to have a girls night in, I'm setting off now. love ya. 

I smiled at the message and decided to get ready, not letting my brain to think.

It was a bit later now and I was pouring glasses of wine for me and Phoebe as she chose the music to play through the speakers.

"So when are my favourite people coming home?" She asked as we sat at my dining table. 

"Tommorow afternoon" I reply. 

"Oooh got one more night for more activities then" She said wiggling her eyebrows. 

"Okay the wine has hit you straight away" I joked as I ignored the comment.

"No seriously though. Just friends?" She asked, genuine interest.

"Yeah we agreed we couldn't just dive into getting back together after twelve years since our breakup" I spoke, staring at my wine glass.

"Ah so it's an agreement to be just friends until you are bit more less on bad terms" She spoke. 

"No no, we aren't getting back together. We can't. It's me and Sam" I spoke as if it was obvious. 

"Okay if you say so but I will still be mad at him for the heartbreak he caused you" She says, standing up to turn up the music, causing me to laugh as my phone buzzed. 

Sam: Dean was adamant on coming over, thought I'd be a wreck hahaha

I laughed as I sent a pic back of me and Phoebe, smiling at the picture. 

Me and Phoebe enjoyed the free house as we talked over everything that has happened in our friendship with a weird feeling left in the air. 

liked by sam_fender, phoebe_anderson and 643,523 others

arabella_young nights with phoebe like the 16 year olds we were once 🤍

tagged: phoebe_anderson

view all 16, 649 comments

username1 she's gorgeous wtf!!

username2 sam's in the likes. how tf does he know her                                                      ^                                                                                username3 probably just finds her attractive like the rest of us or they have worked together, she's a writer  

phoebe_anderson my gorgeous bestfriend 

^                                                                               arabella_young just marry me at this point!

deanedwardthompson stunning bella!            ^                           

arabella_young thankyou deano x                   

^                                                       username4 anyone else confused by these interactions??                                                          ^                                                                              username5 me too!!

username7 god she's gorgeous. to be arabella right now as well with sam and the lads interacting.

[lemonpastilles]

Fender Bender - 3

Clementine remembered that she had placed her phone at the windowsill, so she let out a small breath, smiled and hurried to the window. But to her surprise, it wasn't there either. Her palms were getting sweaty again, and she was considering running out of the window to get help. Sam had clearly taken her phone, so she couldn't contact anyone, she thought, while picking her scalp under her long brown hair. So, when she went to check, if the bedroom door was unlocked, her mind did not leave one possibility out, expecting the worst. And then she placed her hand on the doorknob, heart beating a million miles an hour. The door was unlocked. Her eyes widened in surprise. She opened the door ajar, so only her eyes could peak through. She couldn't see anyone. So, instead, she placed her ear through the opening, and tried her hardest to hear something. She furrowed her brows, and felt her lips drying up, as she tried to decipher, whether the noise she was hearing was a snore, or something else. If Sam had tried to hurt her, surely, he wouldn't be sleeping? The door creaked loudly as she opened it wider, which made her squint her entire face, scared of waking him up. She tip-toed out of the room, and shivered on the way out, still wearing the pants from yesterday, that, to Clementine's delight, were still a little wet. The floor was made of maple, yet it was very cold, as she continued to make her way down the hall. She wasn't sure, where she was going or what she was going to do. Or what had even happened. She just knew that she had to find her phone and leave. Or something. He did seem overly excited about meeting her yesterday, she thought. But then there was a creak coming from the end of the hallway, and then croaks of Sam stretching. Clementine stood as still as a statue with widened eyes, as she tried to come up with a way out of the situation.

After, what felt like minutes, Sam opened his bedroom door, and walked out, his right hand rubbing his right eye, mouth oval-shaped and open. "Howay!" Sam yelled and put his hand on his chest, just as he spotted Clementine, only a few steps from him. He then let out a chuckle under his breath, and put his hands on his knees, that he had bent like he had his back, as if he had just run a marathon, "I forgot you were here". Clementine was still standing still, but at that comment, she relaxed her eyes a bit, but not fast enough to avoid Sam's other comment, as he was standing straight again; "Do I look that bad? You look like you've seen a ghost". Clementine closed her eyes, trying to think, and then she shook her head. "No, no, of course not, I just-", she started, "have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere". Make him think you're giving him the benefit of the doubt, she thought. Sam smirked confusingly, showing a moment of wry amusement in Clementine's bad memory, and said: "Ya don't remember?". Clementine furrowed her brows. "What?", she asked. "You were mumbling loudly in the middle of the night," he stated, "so I went to your room, and you told me to grab your phone and charge it, so I did". "It's in the kitchen, like", Sam said grinning widely at Clementine's confused expression. "I did what?", she said, blinking thrice in an attempt to comprehend, "I must've been sleeping". Or he could be lying, another voice in her head said. "You had a whole conversation with us" Sam said with widened eyes. Clementine turned red immediately, and her light brown skin was now unrecognizable. She did talk in her sleep. She could have had a conversation with him. Instead of answering Sam, Clementine pointed at the way of the kitchen with questioning raised eyebrows, and Sam just nodded, confirming that she was walking the right way. And there it was, fully charge, on the gray kitchen counter. It hadn't even been turned on. He hadn't done anything, yet Clementine's heart still raced, when she heard his steps getting closer to her. He wanted to know, how she slept. "Well," she said, looking down on her phone, "thanks". Sam smiled and walked over to the kitchen cabinet and took out a pack of Weetabix. He then went to the fridge and picked out the milk. Multiple times, he had looked back at Clementine, and every time, she had just seemed preoccupied on her phone. In reality, she was looking at her notes app. She didn't want to be confronted with the weird interaction or even the whole situation of her staying at a stranger's home. It all felt very surreal. Very unlike Clementine. So, she did what she knew best, and hid from her problem, and tried waiting it out. Surely, Sam had to go to work at some point, and at that point she could research a place to stay in peace, and never see this stranger again.

"Want one?" Sam said with his mouth full, spilling milk from his mouth, which made him sniff out a laughter. "Nah, I'm good, thanks", Clementine replied, looking up from her phone for a second, for her then to look back down. But then, she looked up again. Sam had a way of always confusing her. "What is that?" she asked, and put her phone down, to hold the box, that she then scanned from front to back. "Wee'abix" he answered, yet again with his mouth full. "Weetabix?", she said, "I don't think we have these in Denmark". "That solves the mystery of your accent," Sam replied, "Denmark". "Yeah," Clementine answered in apathy, remembering the reality of her situation, leaving her home behind, "is my accent bad?". "Nah," he shook his head, hand on its way to grab his second Weetabix out from his bowl, "it's cute", he said focused on the dripping meal, and took a big bite. Clementine smiled to herself and looked the other way. She had never heard anything of her doing, being described as 'cute', like ever. In her twenty-two years of life, she had never had anyone show her any real interest, whether it was platonic or romantic. Her mom and sister constantly tried to make her see that there were plenty of people, but that she was pushing them away. Clementine knew that she pushed people away, but she had never believed, what her mom and sister tried to make her believe; people never cared that she pushed them away. They didn't bother to pull her back in. She had talked to her previous therapist about it, but he hadn't been any help either. He had suggested that she had to be more open. Clementine felt the unfairness of the statement, when she had spent several appointments with the therapist, talking about her issue of shaping herself to be what everyone else wanted her to be, just to be liked. Or to be tolerated. They talked about, how she always hated, how desperate and needy she felt during every encounter she ever had. Even the small ones, like with a cashier, felt like a longing for a friendship. But when this was never recognized, she decided to stop trying. Her therapist must've forgotten. So, when Sam had complemented her accent, she knew that it was just a nonchalant comment, that he'd forget about the second later, yet it had sparked the childish desire she still had the flame of. "Can I try one of those?" she heard herself say, as if another person was speaking. She was letting go of control, and she was going to punish herself for it. She was aware that her constant pushing and pulling, must've made her seem like a psychopath. Sam was going to get tired of her quick, she thought, so she might as well enjoy it for the time being.

"Here ya go," Sam said handing Clementine a green bowl with two Weetabix's in it, "I like it with milk, but there's a whole debate about it". Clementine smiled and thanked him, before pulling the bowl closer, and inspecting it closely. She had always been so afraid of trying new things. She then looked up, and asked if she could get a spoon, as she reached out for the milk. It really wasn't that big of a deal, but she felt excited. This was like her first step into the culture of her new home. Sam handed her the spoon and looked at her with a boyish grin that folded little lines around his almond-shaped eyes. His teeth were a little crooked, Clementine had noticed in that moment, but it kind of went well with his whole look. Clementine gave an exaggerated smile and raised her eyebrows, as she lifted the spoon and moved it towards Sam's way, as if she was raising a glass to toast. She put the spoon in her mouth, and Sam was still grinning, excited to hear her opinion. She smirked, while she was chewing. "Well then?" Sam asked in amusement. Clementine gestured a finger around her mouth, explaining that she couldn't speak with her mouth full. "C'mere, who cares" Sam responded, but she did. She cared. So, she chewed, and swallowed, which caused Sam to roll his eyes, and raising his hands in impatience. "It's good," Clementine said with a held back laughter, almost choking on the dryness, that was surprising, giving the amount of milk she had poured, "just a bit dry". "I don't accept that, like," Sam immediately crossed his arms, "Ya eating it wrong". "I literally ate it exactly like you!" she chuckled. "Nah" he stated, and closed his eyes, while turned his cheek to her, as if a little kid getting mad, but he was clearly hiding his boyish grin under there, and Clementine wanted to explode in laughter. Not because it was that funny, but because she had really longed this kind of interaction. She suddenly felt a comfort, she hadn't felt in years. "How did you eat it then, mister?" she said, crossing her arms too. Sam opened his eyes, and turned to her again, looked to the side, as if trying to capture a thought, before he compressed his lips together, trying to hide his smile, before saying: "I spoke with it in my mouth, it makes a heap of a difference". "You're ridiculous," Clementine answered, and took another bite of it. "Now talk," Sam said, raising his eyebrows, "I swear it works". Clementine started laughing and held her hand over her mouth trying not to spit out the milk. "Yes, g'aan Clementine, get it out of there!" he said in excitement and was bent over, so his forehead was almost touching her forehead, as if they were two players hyping each other up before a game. Clementine turned her back to him, and mentally flipped him off. Her eyes were tearing up of laughter. She was also starting to feel emotional too, not wanting this moment to ever end. Sam stepped closer to her, put his hand on her back, and bent his head over, to see her face that was curving downward to avoid spitting her food all over the place. "Shame," he then said, when he saw that she had swallowed it, "loosen up, or I'll make you, lass". And then he walked away. Clementine just stood still, and the corner of her right cheek turned red. The angles of her mouth dropped in surprise, but then she shook her head, and went to her room to grab her toothbrush and toothpaste. When she went to go to the bathroom, where Sam had just finished brushing his teeth, she heard the doorbell ring, and she heard a woman speaking. 

[pacifymebby]

if you’re feeling sinister / chapter four

Johnny

It was one of those hot, close kind of afternoons. Grey claustrophobic skies gathering over head. The air had that thunderstorm musky kind of quality. It can't have been helping the doomed feeling my insincts were beginning to kindle around.

"Larry!" yelled Van, his voice disappearing further down the coastal path Larry often walked back on. He usually met his secret lass down here, the one he didn't think we knew as much about as we did, they usually dawdled along the the cliff edge, blowing canabis smoke down into the dunes. "Larry!" shouted Van again, no longer leaving any quiet in which we could listen out for his return call.

We'd already walked the path once, earlier that afternoon once we'd done the first circuit of the town. We'd knocked doors and asked around anyone we thought he might have had anything to do with the night before. When we'd run out of people he might have spoken to we started knocking every other door coming up with any excuse to justify disturbing the neighbours day. And because Larry worked Saturdays and Sundays in the local shop he knew most people, so we knocked on most doors.

And we heard nothing, and people looked at us with dusgruntled confusion and sometimes they looked concerned or they said they were sorry and promised to let us know if they did hear anything, but mostly they just shook their heads and said no, they hadn't heard from him. "Out late last night was he?" asked that one like they suspected us of causing trouble, suspected that whatever was going on it was our own fault.

Now we were trailing the coastal path slowly, growing tense. Ignoring hunger, the sweaty grimy skin crawling sensation of having been out walking through the humidity all day. Already knowing we weren't going to get anywhere. Carrying on because we didn't want to have to go back to Larrys mum and tell her she needed to phone him in as a missing person. Didn't want to go back to the girls and tell them that it was all more serious than we'd first thought.

And as Van started shouting for Larry again I let out a sigh, shoved my hands into my jeans pockets and closed my eyes. Wincing when I said it.

"You think we should check the woods now eh Van?" I said knowing that saying something like that, in a town like this, was like signing the death certificate myself. Giving up all for the sake of not wanting to give up.

Van screwed his face up, turned back to me. Almost looked pissed off when he shoved his sweaty hair from his face.

"Why would he be there its fuckin miles from his house?"

"Aye but we've searched everywhere else haven't we..." I said looking over at Benji who had stopped now too and was listening closely with the same wary, knowing expression.

"Fuck, yeah, whatever he's right Van its the only place we haven't looked.."

"Aye but it wouldn't make any fuckin sense... Why would he..."

"If you follow this path far enough it skims along the edge of the woods further down the coast... You know where the trees thin out reet down in the dunes..."

"Thats fuckin miles away..."

"Maybe he was after elongating the evening with his lassie," I tried to smirk, tried to wiggle my brows and ease the tension but I couldn't do that when I was sugesting our best mate might have ventured into those cursed woods at night, with a girl or even alone, ten years to the month that our town had looked out onto something like hell. After they'd found my mum, after they'd found Peppers mum and a little later her dad, hanging - the manner of his death apparently evidence enough to prove him guilty of it all.

"Yeah," groaned Van taking a cig from his pocket and lighting up, "fine fuck it..."

The way I saw it there wasn't anything else we could do. No point trailing that path any longer when we'd already done it and found nothing. No point in knocking doors at this time in the evening because most of the neighbours wouldn't answer their door during the after dinner soaps.

And I didn't want to leave it too long. If something really was wrong then we needed the police to start looking for him sooner rather than later. If something really was wrong, if something was beginning all over again, then I wanted to be by Sukis side and I wanted Pepper to know I was there for her, needed her to know she wasn't going to relive that peril alone.

"Jesus christ," he groaned seconds later, running his hand through his messy hair, "fuck sake man he shoulda just stayed at mine.." but I couldn't let him think like that.

It was how my dad had thought about the night my mam went missing for years now. How my brother had always thought of it too.

She'd been on her way to pick Jimmy up from a football match down at the playing fields which backed onto the woods. Only she'd gotten confused, or my dad had gotten confused, because Jimmy had been going to his pals house for tea and hadn't needed picking up at all, and somewhere within that miscommunication our mam had been left alone in the dusky summer evening, smoking a cigarette at the edge of the woods. And they said that that was probably when Peppers dad had bumped into her. That everything had probably seemed fine to her at first, that he'd probably lured her away from the car, into the forest under false pretences. That by the time she understood what was really happening, what he really wanted, she'd have been out of earshot of anyone. And of course we wouldn't have realised anything was wrong until much later that evening, when she didn't show at Jimmys pal's house to pick him up and take him home.

There were so many angles to view it from that meant you could blame yourself, or blame some trivial detail which really, probably wouldn't have made a big difference. If dad had been on the ball he could have realised she didn't need to go for Jimmy before she'd even left the house. If Jimmy had reminded her before he'd gone to school that morning. And even me, perhaps if I hadn't been such a pain in the arse, always asking questions or needing constant attention... Perhaps then she wouldn't have been distracted, she would have taken it in and remembered later that Jimmy didn't need picking up. That there was no reason to head down to the football pitches that evening.

And if she hadn't gone what then? Perhaps she'd still be with us. Perhaps someone elses mum would have fallen victim to those woods instead. Could I honestly say I wouldn't have traded my mum for someone elses, could I really say that if I was given the choice, I wouldn't choose to kill someone elses mam and keep mine safe and alive and mine.

No. And neither could anyone else if they were being honest.

Even so, it was better not to dwell on things you could have but didn't do and so when Van groaned and tapped his cigarette nervously I had to cut him off and nip his melancholic self loathing in the bud.

"Its just a fuckin walk home Van, should be safe, anyone should be able to do it blind like... Shouldn't make any difference to his life whether he stops at yours a night or walks home alone half cut. Its just a road..."

"Aye,"said Van with dark eyes and a gloomy set smirk, "Ain't just a road though is it..."

And I knew he was right. It wasn't just a road and our little town where the forest met the coast, would never be just some other little town ever again. This was a place terrible things happened, a haunted place. And as I felt a familiar knowing shadow take over inside me, I felt the shudder of dread grip me as I thought about the woodlands we were about to go poking around in. Woodlands I was sure were never supposed to be disturbed.

"Cmon no point being morbid about it, may as well get it over with for fuck sake," said Benji. He'd been chain smoking the same as the rest of us but now he let his fall from his hand, grinding it into the ground beneath his trainer, leaving a print in the sand for someone else to find later if we didn't make it home.

So we picked up the pace, ducking back over the dunes into the woodlands we'd played in as kids until we couldn't anymore. They'd stopped feeling like a playground after everything that went down. After the police dogs, the white suits, the blue lights and sirens, the long days which dragged into even more painful nights, the cups of tea the neighbors made for my dad which were left untouched and curdling wherever they'd been set down.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and fell into step with Van. The floor beneath our feet was soft with pine needles, our trainers sinking deceptively into the top layer as we walked quickly, trying not to walk too quickly through the ever thickening trees.

"Larry!" shouted Van, his voice echoing and then swallowed whole, snuffed out by the evergreens.

He only shouted once or twice, his voice barely carrying, bouncing back to us so quickly that it was difficult to believe the forest stretched out for as far as it did. But we were at the foot of the long slope, the vast expanse of Ash, Pine and Oak which grew all up the hillside through the valley and didn't thin out until it met the old slag heaps miles out of town.

"Keep an eye out for..." I started trailing off because I didn't know what to say. "Well, anythin really..." I hadn't been paying enough attention to Larry the night before, too caught up, distracted by Suki. When I thought about it I couldnt have described any of my friends appearances from the night before because I hadn't really been paying attention to anyone else. Only Suki. And I felt guilty because even upon realising that fact it was her my mind remained revolving around.

I couldn't help myself, wondering what she'd be doing back at Van's, her and Pepper and Mia, perhaps they'd have been playing their video games earlier but now that it was dark and we were still out without them, they'd probably be getting nervous, probably find themselves unable to focus on a zombie game or a shit 80s horror. They'd probably be sitting in that awkward quiet, tension thick between them as they tried not to do anything that would make them look nervous. No one ever wanted to be the first to admit they were scared.

"Fuckin poirot over here..." smirked Benji cracking just enough of a smile to meet his eyes.

"Shit man this is fuckin pointless these woods are huge, even if we split up we ain't gonna cover it all by nightfall..."

"We ain't splittin up," I said quickly, quietly, my eyes meeting Van's through the ever darkening evening, "an its already night..." I shrugged, "so I don't know what you wanna do but if we go back now we have to go straight to his mam... She's gonna have to phone the police..."

"He might be back by the time we get back," shrugged Benji but we all knew it wasn't true. If he'd come back one of the girls would have phoned. We wouldn't still be out there looking for him. We wouldn't all feel so doomed.

"Maybe we should split..." said Van again, "just for a bit, have a wander round, cover more..."

"Fuckin no chance," I said shaking my head, a disbelieving grin cracked crooked as I shoved him playfully, "mr "I've seen every horror movie" and you actually want us to split up..."

"Aye mate am not so sure its a..." started Benji, his thought cut short by a wailing sound tearing through the trees.

The sound seemed to carry over our heads, like a fast moving cloud. Its echo lingering in the mist rolling in from the sea. I looked down to my shoes in the pine and saw the familiar grey vapour curling around my ankles and I didn't like the strange sensation it left on my skin.

For a second we all stood still, silent, looking at our feet, looking up at the thick dark green shadow of pine needles and leaves above our heads. The canopy blocked the evening light but we could all tell there wasn't much light left to be seen.

"Fuck was that?" asked Benji with a nervous twitching smile, "sounded like me demented nan..."

"Probably owls," I said with a shrug not wanting to admit how haunted that terrible keening had really made me feel. It had sounded so eerily familiar to me. A sound drifted in from childhood, the kind your mind forces you to forget until you hear it again.

"Maybe it was a ghost..." Van said with a small smirk, ironic and then suddenly wincing apologetic and embarassed by himself. "Sorry lad," he said quickly, taking out a cigarette trying to save himself, "sorry fuck I didn't..."

"Everyone thinks the woods are haunted," I shrugged swallowing a lump in my throat as my shoulders and jaw tensed tight, "theyve always thought that an all, not just since... You know..."

"Aye," said Van, "am still sorry though..."

And people always were and always would be. Sorry. Always awkward and apologetic. Those kinds of smiles were ones familiar to me after all this time.

"Cmon man," I said with a shudder, "we'll walk back into town, if he's somewhere in here the police will find him quicker than we can..."

"Aye but they won't go lookin tonight," he said, "always wait too long don't they..." he said, his eyes darker still as we all walked in step, each of us glancing over our shoulders every now and then, each of us checking for god knows what doing god knows what in our periphery.

"Yeah well," I said forcing a smile for his benefit, for mine too, "might not be waiting for anythin at all eh, blakes might be right... Maybe he's already home..."

But we weren't stupid and any lies we told to make eachother feel better... We all knew them to be just that. Lies.

The quickest way home however was unfortunately through the trees. It was quicker to head a little deeper into the woods and then veer for the football fields than it was to double back on ourselves and head back down the coast. Besides, there was little point treading familiar ground when were trying to think hopefully.

If we headed towards the footie pitch and the school we would perhaps stumble upon Larry unsuspectingly. I was hoping that my instincts were wrong but I'd always trusted myself more than I trusted anyone else and I knew that in this instance just like every other instance, I was probably right.

We probably weren't going to find Larry that night.

Knowing that fact only made the woods seem closer still. I felt every shudder in the pines like breath on my skin. Every twitch or snap in the trees drew my eyes searching for its cause. I kept trying to block it out, kept trying to tell myself to keep walking and looking straight ahead but it wasn't working to make me feel any less on edge. I wanted to be home with the girls, skip the fucking awful walk home and just be crushed up on Vans settee with Suki tucked under my arm and little Titch where I could see her. Needed everyone I cared about to be close to me. Knowing that it wasn't possible now left me feeling that familiar but ever strange seperation from myself. That hollow feeling in my bones that made me feel like my fingers weren't my own. Made me feel like I'd borrowed someone elses body for the day and I couldn't quite get a grip on the controls.

"Shit..." breathed Van suddenly stopping in his tracks so that I tripped over and into the back of him and Blakes had to stumble to stop himself crashing too.

"Shit..." I said quietly following his gaze. Just a little way in front of us was a car wreck... The bonnet crumpled into the trunk of a conifer. The glass in the pine needles hardly caught the light, it had been there so long it had been weathered by the rain, the dirt had set in and dulled it, muddied it. Only the largest plates remained.

"I thought they cleaned everythin up..." started Blakes trailing off because the answer to whatever question he'd been about to ask was right there in front of us, abandoned and battered, windows shattered, rusty skeleton chewed up. Left to the pines and the woods for them to do with whatever they liked.

"Yeah," I said, my mouth dry, my fingers searching my pocket for my light, "you'd have thought they would..." I said, fingers closing around pine needles and dirt in the pit of my pockets. No cigarettes to comfort me.

"It is..."

"Yeah," I said silencing Van before he could ask the obvious, a question we all already knew the answer to, "thats Titch's dads car," I said glancing over my shoulder. Checking my periphery. The painful sensation of being watched, skin prickling all over as I fixed my eyes on the car. That hollow feeling was rising, spreading through my body slowly so that I couldn't shake the feeling that I was leaving myself behind.

He'd crashed the car, he'd murdered Titch's mam and then he'd murdered mine too... It was the story everyone knew, and here was the evidence, here was the crashed car. Here was the broken glass. The rusting frame. The pine needles and pieces of bark he'd displaced. Like some museum exhibit.

Only Blakes was right. They had cleared the site. There'd been such a fuss in the local paper about it because some of us had wanted it cleared, some of us had wanted the scene disposed of, and others, those who believed Titchs father to be innocent, had wanted the crime scene preserved. So that it could be studied over and over, scrutinised for any new evidence. Anything that would prove something. Because it was one of those cases. The kind where everyone, no matter who's side theyre on, find themselves rooting for the same thing. When answers are in sshort supply people start to care less about the answers theyre going to get...

"Cmon we need to leave," I said struggled to swallow around the dry scratch in my throat... "An lets not tell titch about this yeah...actually lets not tell any of the girls about it eh?"

"Yeah," said Van nodding solemnly, "right blakes?"

"Right..."

But that would be our first mistake.