#valerie edmond

[walkinthrudaisies]

Witchy Woo

sam winchester x witchfem!reader

2k | fluff, slight angst

summary: calling on their witch friend to help with a case, sam might get a lot more than he bargained for when he fears she’s gotten hurt.

warnings: choking, moderate level of violence

your relationship with the winchesters had started rocky, to say it lightly.

you were a witch, born in a long lineage of wiccan’s who used their powers for evil, subsequently getting killed by hunters in the process. you, on the other hand, weren’t like that. your mom tried to get you to see the family craft, to see what your legacy was, but you just couldn’t.

there was already enough bad in the world, why be one of the people enabling it when you could help do good and get rid of it?

at first, the winchesters didn’t see that so easily. they were raised on the pretences that if something was of supernatural being, then you kill it. so when they showed up in your home town investigating a case, you were the first suspect on their list.

the two men came barging into your home, spewing non sense about how you were hexing town residents and that they had the bullets to end your magical killing spree. you were confused, as you would never kill people and actually were great friends with some of victims found dead by a witches hand.

after semi convincing them that you were good, you helped the winchester boys track down the real culprit — with a lot of grumbling from dean in the process. turns out, it was valerie edmonds. the middle aged divorcee who lived down the street from your house. if you were being honest, you were quite surprised she was a witch, for she never gave you that vibe in the slightest.

since then, the winchester’s have called you if they needed a specific type of magical help on a case. it took a lot of time and work for them to fully grasp that you meant no harm. but when it stuck, you were practically apart of the team.

now, as you drove into the parking lot of some dingy motel, trying to spot out the winchester’s room number, you think back onto how you guys met. how everything that has happened since then has felt so surreal to you.

you helped people in your town, but never on a bigger scale like sam and dean did. it felt nice, finally being able to feel like you are really making a difference in the world.

barley lifting your hand from knocking on the wooden door, the hinges creaked as non other than dean winchester swung it open, giving you a tight lipped smile as he let you into the motel room. sam was sat at a small wooden table, hunched over with his eyes glued to his computer screen, reading some article he found on this cases lore.

you were slightly new to what a hunter’s day to day life was, for you had only met the winchester boys shy of a year ago. you’d assume, the half eaten pizza boxes and multiple beer bottles littered on the floor was an accustom to the lifestyle

those weren’t your only thoughts as you stepped through the threshold. your eyes couldn’t help but latch onto sam’s hunched figure, face drawn into concentration as he searched and searched for anything on this vengeful spirit they were after.

ever since you had gotten slightly acquainted with the two, you couldn’t help but harbour a slight crush towards the younger of the brothers. he was so soft spoken, sweet in how he treated victims families or anyone in general. how could you not fall in love with him?

the bed springs squeaked as you sat on mattress, dean moving to sit at the table with sam. as you sat your bag beside you, dean broke the somewhat awkward silence in the room. “let’s just cut to the chase already. Y/N, we need your witchy ass for this case.” sam finally looked up from his computer, turning your way and smiling at your form, making a light blush dust your cheeks as you smiled back.

“what do you need help with? is there any spell or ingredients i need to look for?” the look on dean’s face was juxtaposing what you expected his reaction to be. he looked almost guilty, like what he was about to say was not going to be something you’d like.

scratching the back of his neck, dean opened up about what plan he had already devised. “well, it looks like the spirit we are hunting is going after witches. so i thought that maybe you, i don’t know, lure it out?” your face was passive, not really knowing what to think. dean didn’t specify what you would be doing this certain hunt. but to his knowledge, you could easily hold yourself against an angry ghost, so you were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

sam, on the other hand, was not having a second of what his brother was suggesting.

“no,” he stated, shutting his laptop almost to make a point. “absolutely not. we are not putting her in danger.” his eyes kept glancing back to you, almost as if the mere mention of you luring out the ghost was getting you killed.

standing from the bed, you walked over to sam and put your hand on his shoulder, getting him to turn his head and stare up at you with the widest eyes you’ve ever seen. if you were being honest, you almost gave in and agreed with sam right then and there.

but you held your ground, smiling at him as dean looked incredulously between you two. “sam,” you started. “i will be fine. i have handled worse, and you and dean will be there if something goes wrong.” this made him relax slightly, looking over to his brother before grabbing your hand on his shoulder and squeezing it.

“that’s settled.” said dean, getting up from the chair and moving towards his duffle bag. “we leave for the club this ghost hunts at in fifteen.”

walking towards your bag, you turned to dean with your hands on shoulders. “one thing though. you two aren’t putting me in some shitty ideal of what clothes witches wear. got it?”

“i can’t believe we agreed to let you wear those poser clothes.” dean grumbled, in the drivers seat of baby as you got ready to go into the bar. “this ghost will never believe your a witch in that.” his comment made you laugh, stopping halfway out the car as you turned your body to look at him. “are you forgetting dean that i am the only witch here? i think i would know what the supposed attire is.”

dean huffed as you got out of the impala, giving yourself a once over in your mid length, cloth dress. waving goodbye to the boys as your brown boots shuffled against the gravel of the parking lot. the white of your dress reflecting the sun as sam watched the bar door shut behind you.

he was worried, to put it lightly. he knew you could handle yourself but he never liked you putting yourself in imminent danger. his thoughts were stopped as he looked over to dean, who was giving sam a certain look that had the younger winchester reeling back in confusion.

sighing to himself, dean leaned his arm on the window and looked over at his brother. “dude, she’ll be fine. you are just worried cause you’ve got a fat crush on her.” the shock in sam’s face was enough to make dean laugh, putting the car in drive so that him and sam could go and find the cemetery where the spirit was buried.

“i do not have a crush on her!” sam sounded so exasperated, that an actual bark of laughter left dean. making the older winchester shake his head as he turned out of the parking lot. “whatever you say, sammy.”

on your end of things, you had sat yourself at the bar top, remembering how sam said that the ghost usually strikes after the victim had a couple of drinks in their system. you didn’t want to drink too much, for being tipsy wouldn’t help with stopping the ghost. so you resulted to one margarita, nursing a cup of coke for the rest of the night.

when you got a text from dean on the go ahead, you got up from the stool, paying your tab as you inconspicuously made your way to the alley behind the bar, pacing back and forth as you waited for the ghost to appear.

as you started losing hope in this plan, a force from behind you grabbed your arm and threw you into the nearest wall. groaning on the impact, you looked up to see a ghastly looking woman, ripped dress blowing behind her as she snarled in your direction.

she disappeared to then only reappear right in front of you, grabbing your neck and lifting you against the wall. you struggled to breathe as you waited for the boys to burn her bones. but that didn’t come as fast as you hoped. you were starting to lose consciousness, scratching at the ghosts arms and wishing you brought some iron with you.

a futile attempt to mumble out a spell was crushed as the ghost squeezed tighter, cutting off your airways and making it almost impossible for you to speak.

with your last shreds of consciousness dangling in your hands, you heard a loud shriek as the ghost let go of you, dropping you to the ground and erupting in flames, disappearing forever.

swallowing in deep gasps of air, you got up from the ground and steadied yourself against the wall. slowly walking to where the parking lot was and waiting on the side of the road for dean and sam to pull up in the impala.

when you heard the faint rumble of the comforting car, you looked up to see sam jump out of the passenger seat before dean could even throw it into park. the younger winchester ran over to you, grabbing your arms and inspecting his eyes up and down your frame, making sure you were okay.

“sam, i’m fine.” you laughed as he worriedly brushed some mud off the front of your dress. that only caused him to look up and gasp slightly, bringing his hands to the side of your neck as he turned your head back and forth.

“oh baby, your neck. it’s all bruised.” you hadn’t even looked at the aftermath of the ghosts firm grip on your neck, now not wanting to as the sorrow in sam’s eyes from the mere sight of it made your heart drop.

all you could do was shake your head, holding onto sam’s forearms with your own hands. “i’m fine, sammy. i’m alive, the ghost is gone.” but that didn’t seem to sooth his freaked expression, only being able to hear his quick inhales of breath and the wind blowing around you.

gulping in some air, sam shook his head, speaking his next words in one breath. “i was so scared, i can’t lose you.” sam had barley finished his sentence before his lips crushed to yours, moving his one hand to cup your face and the other to wrap around your waist.

you gasped into his mouth, hands going to the back of his head to grab onto the tuffs of hair at the back of his neck. he was pulling you impossibly closer, almost as if he could mold your body’s together and never let you go.

pulling away, your hands went to the front of his brown carharrt jacket, looking into his eyes with such intensity that a normal person would be inclined to look away. but not sam, he could stare into your eyes forever.

breathing in deeply, sam leaned his face closer to yours. “i told myself if you were okay that i wouldn’t wait anymore. i can’t go another day without being with you, i just can’t.” his words sent tears to your eyes, reaching up so you could properly hug him.

his arms went around your waist, and everything just felt better. sam was yours, and you were his, and everything just felt like it should be. as sam pulled away, he planted a firm kiss on your cheek, grabbing your hand and leading you towards the impala. “cmon, my love, dean’s probably getting impatient.”

watching the two of you walk hand in hand, dean just chuckled to himself, turning so he could throw the car out of park. “fucking finally.”

**can’t lie, i wrote most of this either in class or munching on a rice bowl

[ogprettyprincess]

𝟅𝟈 some of my dr's ! welcoming potential mootties, lets chat <3 | last updated: 100524 10:50am

✰ anime

⚘ one piece , (1st) genevieve e. blue , 17 , s/o: trafalgar d. waterlaw , trope: captain/crewmate -> lovers (slow burn) , devil fruit: (kūki kūki fruit)air manipulation / (2nd) alira andilet , 18 , s/o: blackleg sanji , trope: crewmates -> lovers (slow burn) , devil fruit: (dangan dangan fruit) bullet manipulation

⟡ blue lock , satoru jena , 17 , s/o: micheal kaiser (slow burn) , family: gojo, geto (parents) + 4 siblings, team: blue locks eleven

𖦹 mha , gojo satori (yes) , 18 , s/o: bakugou katsuki , trope: strangers -> pining -> lovers (slow burn) , hero name: arachne , power: spider , family: satosugu & their 4 kids

⊰ jjk , taira kazuha , 19 , s/o: nanami kento , trope: mentor -> friends -> lovers , technique: string & invisibility manipulation , domain expansion: illusion of fear & desire , family: ren & kyoto taira (parents) kenji taira (brother)

꧞ haikyuu , ukai kananami , 15 , s/o: tsukishima kei , trope: strangers -> friends -> lovers , family: kaito & ben ukai (parents) ukai keishin (brother) , team: karasuno boys volleyball

␥ aot , geneviève ackerman , 15 , s/o: jean kirstien , trope: strangers -> enemies -> friends -> lovers , family: charlotte & oliver ackerman (parents) levi ackerman (uncle) , humanity's second strongest soldier :P , role: the savoir

⊞ atla , aoki kazuha , 16 , s/o: un-named oc , trope: strangers -> lovers , family: aki & rolan aoki (parents) kian & kano (brothers) , element: all , main: air, avatar of 3000 (?)

✰ shows

❀ obx , geneviève lambert , 17 , s/o: rafe cameron (not psycho) , trope: childhood friends -> "enemies" -> friends -> lovers , family: lyla lambert (mom) logan westwood (step dad) , role: man in the middle

⪩ twd , charlotte grimes , 21 , s/o: daryl dixon (32) , trope: strangers -> lovers , family: oliver & evie grimes (dad & mom) rick grimes (uncle turned dad) carl grimes (cousin turned brother) judith (cousin turned sister) , main weapon: dual blades

✵ bcd (/behind closed doors ; original reality) , katara brown , 18 , s/o: nakamoto arito (oc) , trope: strangers -> friends -> lovers (slow burn) , occupation: assassin in training , role: the finalist

✰ games

✶ genshin impact , (1st) princess enver le'mistral , 21 , s/o: kaedehara kazuha (?) , trope: strangers -> playful enemies -> lovers , vison: anemo , home: sky city (og) + fontaine , family: nalani & alain le'mistral (parents) navida le'mistral (aunt) , position: champion dualist / (2nd) tashita jinx - [under construction]

キ overwatch , ruben dawn , 35 , s/o: cole cassidy , trope: friends -> lovers , weapon: sword , family: mom , occupation: former blackwatch member, current ow member, frontliner

✰ other

✦ youtuber , (1st) geneviève eden silvestrè , 18 , s/o: n/a , trope: n/a family: evangeline & antonio silvestrè (parents) leo + angelina + dom (brothers & sister) / (2nd) imani eden monroe , 21 , s/o: berlin edmond , family: nilani monroe (mom) angelica & clementine (sisters)

◎ footballer , violet dupont , 21 , s/o: elisa de almeida , trope: teammates -> lovers , family: jamais dupont (dad) claude & blaise dupont (brothers) , team: psg feminines + women's french national

☆ actress , (1st) violette eden irl last name , 20 , s/o: drew starkey , trope: costars -> lovers , family: leila (mom) anastasia & june (sisters) , main roles: charlotte in obx + edith in despicable me + peyton in the game plan / (2nd) valerie eden auclair - [under construction]

𐙚 kpop , (1st) jenevieve eden levesque , 19 , s/o: christopher bang , trope: strangers -> friends -> lovers , year: 2020 , family: nilani levesque (mom) leo + angelina + dontai + alias + charlotte monroe (siblings :3) , groups: nct, nct 127, nct x / (2nd) - [under construction]

ᡣ𐭩 teen fame , genevieve eden morgan , 14 , s/o: elisa de almeida (15) , trope: friends -> lovers , family: jeffery dean morgan (dad) , main rolls - [under construction]

一 that's all ! if you have any same / similar dr's feel free to talk about them or dm me so we can !! (i desperately need to see satosugu happy if you can't tell)

❥ i didn't mention my waiting room cause that'll be another post, but it's basically a city shifting hub / giant waiting room for shifters from all different realities ! lemmie know if you wanna hear about it :)

[baublekute]

OC Interview Questions: Valerie Rose Barrère

Tagged by @ghostoffuturespast thank you! Love these little games and writing practices. Also needed to think how my V would actually answer these questions...

[Mama Welles' on a Saturday night.]

V (reading a book on the couch with her feet up): "What are you two giggling about over there? It's suspicious and I don't like it." Misty (cuddling with Jackie on the opposite end of the couch): "Oh, we decided to make you a dating profile." V (initial confusion followed by a bit of rage): "A dat… The fuck?" Jackie (with the laptop): "You need some action, hermana." V: "No. Absolutely not. Delete that shit right now." [Jackie gives V his best puppy dog eyes.] V (waiting a moment): "Uggh. Fine… I'm gonna regret this." Jackie: "Heh, wasn't actually sure that was gonna work." (straightening himself out to look more serious) "Nickname?" [V gives Jackie a bombastic side eye.] Jackie: "Oh right!" (Types the letter as he says it) "V." Misty: "Height?" V: "5ft 3in." Jackie: "Gender?" V: "Seriously, Jack?" Jackie: "What? I don't want to assume." V (sighing, realizing he has a valid point): "Sure. Female." Misty: "Orientation?" V: "Straight I guess?" Jackie: "Nationality and… or… ethnicity?" V: "Uhh, my mother was Scottish/French and I think she said something about my father being Finnish. Anyways, born and raised in Heywood." Jackie (speaking the words slowly as he typed his version): "White. Very white. Heywood born and bred." Misty: "Star sign? I know this one already. Sagittarius." [Updating to Libra - forgot it's actually been official, and I stick with a lot of canon] Jackie: "Favorite fruit?" V: "Honeydew melon." Misty: "Favorite season? Autumn, right?" V: "You got it." Jackie (using his most delicate voice): "Favorite flower?" V (sharply): "Snapdragons." Misty: "Your favorite scent?" V: "Oh man… I have so many… cedarwood, jasmine, sandalwood, bergamot, books…" [Misty nods in agreement, thinking of her favorite incense in the shop.] Jackie: "Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?" V: "Tea usually. I'm… selective when it comes to coffee." Jackie (types and mutters): "Psh. I'll say. Can never bring you coffee anymore." Misty: "Average hours of sleep?" V: "9 to 10. I get cranky with less." Jackie: "You sure do." V (annoyed, raised voice): "Do you want me to finish these questions or not Jackie?" Jackie (puts his hands up in surrender): "Alright alright… I take it you didn't get your beauty sleep… princess." [V punches Jackie pretty hard in the arm.] Jackie (rolling over holding his bruised arm, laughing): "Oww…ahah… oww. Heh." V: "Misty, if you'd please take the rest of the questions… unless you want to drag an oversized bodybag out the door." [Jackie flashes V a stupid grin.] Misty: "Dog or cat person?" V: "Hmm… It feels like cheating to say both. Maybe I lean towards dogs. It's been awhile since I've seen one though." Misty: "Dream trip?" V: "Europe maybe? I don't know if there's anything left of my parents over there but I guess I'm curious." Misty: "I'd love to go back to Poland one day. Favorite fictional character?" V: "Probably… Edmond Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo. It was one of my mom's favorites." Misty: "Number of blankets you sleep with?" V: "Zero or one… It's just too damn hot." Misty: "Aaand last one." V: "Oh thank god." Misty: "A fun fact?" V: "Uhhh. I guess… I enjoy retro video games?" Misty: "OK. Published." V: "Now will you two leave me be?" [bing.] Jackie (throwing himself at the computer): "Ooh! Look! Matches already, chica!" V (snatching the computer out of Jackie's hands): "Wait what? Lemme see." [V scrolls a bit, the reflection of the screen lighting up her face in the dark room.] V: "No. Noo. Definitely not. No." Jackie (takes the computer back): "Lemme take a look… I'll find you someone... Here! This guy looks promising, huh?" (excitedly turns the screen to face V.) V: "Oh. Damn. Lemme take a closer look… Nah. What a damn shame. He's NCPD."

[every-character-ever-poll]

WEEK TWO LINEUP

Thank you all for a wonderful first week of this poll! As of posting this, I have received 457 submissions (which is a lot more than I was anticipating). Because of that, I've decided to make every week have 100 polls instead of the minimum 80 I had planned at the beginning.

Without further ado, here is our week two lineup!

Travis Matagot - Campaign Skyjacks

April Ryan - The Longest Journey

Sam Puckett - iCarly, Sam and Cat

Jade West - Victorious

Nicholas D. Wolfwood - Trigun

Vash The Stampede - Trigun

Meito Anizawa - Anime Tenchou

CATS - Zero Wing

Shin Amon - Yakuza, Judgment

Xue Yang - The Untamed

Lyman - Garfield

Marius Pontmercy - Les Misérables

Pierre Bezukhov - War and Peace

Netzach - Lobotomy Corporation, Library of Ruina

Ash Fox - Fantastic Mr. Fox

Sneeze - Fool's Gold

Max - Sam and Max

Alina Gray - Magia Record

Lloyd Irving - Tales of Symphonia

Agent John Bishop - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003)

TableTurf Card: Inkbrush - Splatoon 3

TableTurf Card: Aerospray MG - Splatoon 3

Marigold/Beth Parish - The Fairy Chronicles

TableTurf Card: Annaki Splatershot Nova - Splatoon 3

Thistle - The Fairy Chronicles

Warren Stone - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Hypno-Potamus - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Himena Aika - Magia Record

Tidy - The Little Trashmaid

Bon - Five NIghts at Freddy's High School

Tamaki - Mahou ga Tsukaenakutemo

Error!Sans - loverofpiggies.tumblr.com

Idia Shroud - Twisted Wonderland

Beetlejuice - Beetlejuice the Musical

Kotetsu T. Kaburagi (Wild Tiger) - Tiger and Bunny

Nikol - Xenoblade 3: Future Redeemed

Noel Gruber - Ride the Cyclone

Jack Fairy - Velvet Goldmine

Nightmare Knight - Cucumber Quest

Agent Olive - Odd Squad

Derrick Berg - Lord of the Mysteries

Yukine - Noragami

Father - Noragami

Hu Geng - The Tale of Food

Li Ling - Dislyte

Wylan Van Eck - Six of Crows

Naoto Shirogane - Persona 4

P03 - Inscryption

Gabriel - Ultrakill

Airi Momoi - Project Sekai

Myles Toyne - A Song of Ice and Fire

Jon Connington - A Song of Ice and Fire

Daemon II Blackfyre - Tales of Dunk and Egg

Buckshot (Bimbo) - Simba the King Lion

Maze Myers - Ebon Ward

Marcy Wu - Amphibia

Merry Nightmare - Yumekui Merry

Heiji Hattori - Detective Conan

Hapu - Pokémon

Cure Bloom - Futari wa Precure Splash Star

Mollymauk Tealeaf - Critical Role

Willow Rosenberg - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Inigo Montoya - The Princess Bride

Cloud Strife - Final Fantasy VII

Aerith Gainsborough - Final Fantasy VII

Paruko/Harmony - Splatoon

dedf1sh - Splatoon

Arlan - Honkai: Star Rail

Ángel Valdivia - Detective Beebo

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi - Ace Attorney

Edmond - Nu:Carnival

Jupiter - We Know the Devil

Scarlet Witch - Marvel

Tobias Schneien - Ghost Eyes

Cure March - Smile Precure

Cure Diamond - Doki Doki Precure

Valerie - Pokémon

Alice Carroll - ARIA

Marika Kato - Mouretsu Pirates

Obi - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime

Nano Shinonome - Nichijou

Cure Butterfly - Hirogaru Sky Precure

Ran Mouri - Detective Conan

Houtarou Oreki - Hyouka

Yui Yumekawa - Idol Time Pripara

Kozue Kaoru - Revolutionary Girl Utena

Mew Ichigo - Tokyo Mew Mew

Last Order - A Certain Magical Index

Hau - Pokémon

Cure Melody - Suite Precure

Hannibal Lecter - Hannibal

Horibe Itona - Assassination Classroom

Puppycat - Bee and Puppycat

Momiji Binboda - Binbougami Ga!

Jim Lake Jr - Trollhunters

Romelle - Voltron Legendary Defender

Mai - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Vermouth - Detective Conan

Silver - Pokémon

[xplainthexmen]

In which Al Kennedy and Miles enter a somewhat post-OZT world, the art of Frank Teran (whose uncle built a jetpack) elevates an otherwise merely decent story, Puck is played by Bob Hoskins, Wild Child gets a chance to shine, Mystique and Forge are sitting in a tree, and Swamp Thing is amazing.

X-PLAINED:

Spider-Man’s head cold

Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1

Sabretooth (Victor Creed)

Wild Child (Kyle Gibney)

Horrible violence, expertly implied

The ubiquity of sewers

Saturday morning cartoons of R-rated movies

Serial killers with G.I. Joe names

Improbable tracking

Bilingual crime

Chekhov’s waterfall

DRUGS

X-Factor #136-137

The Hound program

Skeumorphism

Doctor Valerie Cooper and Major Edmond Atkinson, excellent exes

Questionable wound-dressing

Holograms

Government jobs

The sad fate of the Chase family

Nimrod disambiguation

The Marvel Universe According to Doctor Seuss

NEXT EPISODE: The X-Men return from space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

[drzito]

Las 211 peliculas que he visto en 2022 (parte 1)

En negrita las que os recomiendo:

1. El sexto sentido (Nemesio Manuel Sobrevila, 1929)

2. El pan nuestro de cada día (King Vidor, 1934)

3. Luna Nueva (Howard Hawks, 1940)

4. Un sueño americano (King Vidor, 1944).

5. Breve encuentro (David Lean, 1945)

6. El capitán Kidd (Rowland V. Lee, 1945)

7. Lazos humanos (Elia Kazan, 1945)

8. La bella y la bestia (Jean Cocteau, 1946)

9. Domador de sirenas (Irving Pichel, 1948)

10. La fuerza del destino (Abraham Polonsky, 1948)

11. Nunca la olvidare (George Stevens, 1948)

12. Vida en sombras (Lorenzo Llobet Gracia, 1949)

13. Milagro en Milan (Vittorio de Sica, 1951)

14. Umberto D (Vittorio de Sica, 1952)

15. Valkoinen peura [El reno blanco] (Erik Blomberg, 1952)

16. El salario del miedo (H G Clouzot, 1953)

17. La loba (Alberto Lattuada, 1953)

18. Los apuros de un pequeño tren (Charles Crichton, 1953)

19. Tarantula (Jack Arnold, 1955)

20. El ferroviario (Pietro Germi, 1956).

21. La mala semilla (Mervyn LeRoy, 1956).

22. De dode tjern [El lago de los muertos] (Kåre Bergstrøm, 1958)

23. Cover Girl Killer (Terry Bishop, 1959)

24. Horror en el Museo Negro (Arthur Crabtree, 1959).

25. Beat Girl (Edmond T. Gréville, 1960)

26. El hotel de los horrores (John Moxley, 1960)

27. La sangre seca (Yoshishige Yoshida, 1960)

28. Macario (Robert Gavaldon, 1960)

29. Marea nocturna (Curtis Harrington, 1961)

30. El poder de la mafia (Alberto Lattuada, 1962)

31. Historias de terror (Roger Corman, 1962)

32. Vida para Ruth (Basil Dearden, 1962)

33. El demonio (Brunello Rondi, 1963).

34. El especulador (Vittorio de Sica, 1963)

35. Las tres caras del miedo (Mario Bava, 1963)

36. The small world of Sammy Lee (Ken Hughes, 1963)

37. El extraño viaje (Fernando Fernan-Gomez, 1964)

38. La mujer de la arena (Hiroshi Teshigahara, 1964)

39. Los corceles de fuego (Sergei Parajanov, 1964)

40. España insólita (Javier Aguirre, 1965)

41. El ojo del diablo (J Lee Thompson, 1966)  

42. Kriminal (Umberto Lenzi, 1966)

43. Las Brujas (Cyril Frankel, 1966)

44. El desconocido de Shandigor (Jean-Louis Roy, 1967)

45. Corrupción (Robert Hartford-Davis, 1968)

46. La maldicion del altar rojo (Vernon Sewell, 1968)

47. Mr Freedom (William Klein, 1968)

48. Satanik (Piero Vivarelli, 1968)

49. Un día tranquilo en el campo (Elio Petri, 1968)

50. Queimada! (Gillo Pontecorvo, 1969)

51. Ya soy una mujer (David Greene, 1969)

52. 4 moscas sobre terciopelo gris (Dario Argento, 1970)

53. El martillo de las brujas (Otakar Vavra, 1970)

54. Lokis. Rekopis profesora Wittembacha [Lokis. El manuscrito del Profesor Wittembach] (Janusz Majewski, 1970)

55. Valerie y su semana de las maravillas (Jaromil Jireš, 1970)

56. Bahía de sangre (Mario Bava, 1971).

57. La maldición de los Bishop (John D Hancock, 1971)

58. Angustia de silencio (Lucio Fulci, 1972)

59. Lejos de los arboles (Jacinto Esteva, 1972).

60. San Francisco, ciudad desnuda (Stuart Rosenberg, 1973)

61. Torso: Violencia Carnal (Sergio Martino, 1973)

62. Sintomas (Jose Ramon Larraz, 1974)

63. Trastornado (Alan Ormsby y Jeff Gillen, 1974)

64. Blue Moon (Louis Malle, 1975)

65. El quimérico inquilino (Roman Polanski, 1976)

66. God told me to (Larry Cohen, 1976)

67. Foes (John Coats, 1977)

68. La centinela (Michael Winner, 1977)

69. La ultima ola (Peter Weir, 1977)

70. El dinero de los demás (Christian de Chalonge, 1978)

71. Cristo se paro en Eboli (Francesco Rosi, 1979)

72. La hipótesis de un cuadro robado (Raul Ruiz, 1979)

73. Profecía maldita (John Frankenheimer, 1979)

74. Impacto (Brian de Palma, 1981)

75. Vida/Perra (Javier Aguirre, 1982)

76. Los jueces de la ley (Peter Hyams, 1983)

77. Ojos de fuego (Avery Crounse, 1983)

78. 1,2,3... Splash (Ron Howard, 1984)

79. Los santos inocentes (Mario Camus, 1984).

80. Repo Man (Alex Cox, 1984)

81. Re-Animator (Stuart Gordon, 1985)

82. 007: Alta tensión (John Glen, 1987)

83. El príncipe de las tinieblas (John Carpenter, 1987)

84. Walker (Alex Cox, 1987)

85. La tumba de las luciérnagas (Isao Takahata, 1988)

86. The Dreaming (Mario Andreacchio, 1988)

87. Un lugar llamado Milagro (Robert Redford, 1988)

88. Celia (Ann Turner, 1989)

89. Cuando fuimos brujas (Nietzchka Keene, 1990)

90. Temblores (Ron Underwood, 1990)

91. Clearcut (Ryszard Bugajski, 1991)

92. Mississippi Masala (Mira Nair, 1991)

93. Un lugar en el mundo (Adolfo Aristarain, 1992)

94. Anchoress (Chris Newby, 1993)

95. Dark Waters (Mariano Baino, 1993)

96. Lo que queda del día (James Ivory, 1993)

97. Lazos Ardientes (The Wachowskis, 1996)

98. Nubes pasajeras (Aki Kaurismaki, 1996)

99. Una gran noche (Stanley Tucci, Campbell Scott, 1996)

100. Salvar al soldado Ryan, (Steven Spielberg, 1998).

101. CQ (Roman Coppola, 2001)

102. Funny ha ha (Andrew Bujalski, 2002)

103. Hotel (Jessica Hausner, 2004)

104. Noroi (Kôji Shiraishi, 2005)

105. The Dark (John Fawcett, 2005)

[veryslowreader]

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Kavanagh QC: "Dead Reckoning"

[whitestnoise]

“You’re really ill, you never get hangovers.”

[bagheadkitty]

A mood.

[puriette]

AND,,, here are the big list of names that we have (there's so many so there might be repeating ones but here you go <3): scooter, brick, casper, jack, crew, casey, arcade, alistair, billiards, landline, elias, silas, adrian, link, valentine, august, beau, marlow, francis, sardonyx, marion, laurence, blip, shutter, pierrot, wake, jamie, angel, piper, harley, paris, caspian, reverend, percival, reagan, nocturn, oracle, augury, helix, gabe, galileo, gale, geo, gyro, gizmo, orion, scorpius, canis, cygnus, corvus, draco, leo, perseus, hydra, betelgeuse, felis, apollyon, puffin, portia, valerian, florian, snapdragon, longhorn, cicada, juliet, toad, cricket, pretzel, chalcedony, carcass, bastion, catacomb, carrion, hunter's moon, ouzel, blackbird, pallid, plenilune, varmint, viol, orchid, mantis, eventide, armory , zealot, lacrimosa, argos, camisado, versailles, alexander, apollo, alcinder, august, elias, julius/jules, knight, valor, leonidas, lionel, pheonix, roman, titus, victor, percival, raegan, carnival, pierrot, dallas, crew, fin, august, val/valentine, jace, orca, gale, sam, squid, leif, sage, caspian, ajax, otto, april, alva, scout, quinn, briar, chalcedony, carcass, otis, bastion, catacomb, carrion, hunter's moon, ouzel, blackbird, pallid, plenilune, varmint, viol, orchid, mantis, eventide, armory, zealot, lacrimosa, argos, camisado, versailles, galileo, gambit, billiards, polybius, arcade, dallas, paris, rome, cable, crew, roo, alois, alastair, caspian, orca, adrian, anchor, dune, crew, erasmus, galiot, heron, landline, twain, gamecube, mechanism, sweepstakes, sundial, archibald, jello, circle, adobe, orwell, pompeii, andromeda, hailey, sirius, stardust, satellite, solar flare, sunspot, waning, titan, keiper, rover, orbit, dipper, ursa, hercules, constellation, belt, rings of fire, red storm, fog, crypt, cloud, frost, hail, daze, dream, drowze, haze, solar, nova, moon, moonwake, floral, rustle, clover, aesthete, splash, poe, bard, stanza, accius, byron, dante, edgar, virgil, wilde, verse, ballad, sonnet, anaphora, lyric, muse, amadeus, tybalt, eldric, alois, beryl, elliot, jasper, sawyer, oslo, raegan, ronan, casper, boris, bruno, chess, arcade, randy, drew, max, landline, browser, mug, cappucino (cino), tulip, mortimer, wilfred, barnaby, sonny, monty, colton, sawyer, cooper, landon, finn, cody, hayden, ashton, miles, arlo, jasper, oscar, ezra, milo, everett, rhys, silas, soren, beckett, river, felix, theo, elliot, william, bowie, baxtor, jax, jay, kaz, magic, alphie, millie, valerie, versailles, paris, jackie, rue, rose, fiore, callie, oliver, francis, charlie, jamie, reese, landline, battery (or battery acid), keyboard, gravel, vault, raegan, nemesis, jasper, sylvester, mars, calamity, valentine, francis , paris, charlie , sticker, pretzel, puffin, junction, chalcedony, dial, cuckoo, alastor, static, livewire, rex, eva, sandie, bouncer, florida, salem, asterisk, lucielle, luminare, cassandra, casanova, alastor, arwen, casimir, dorian, kato, cato, morrigan, basil, anise, cassia, ellis, lennon, xephrys, phineas, theon, castiel, edmond, eldrich, aero, genevieve, gwenivere, aislinn, cordelia, gaia, hera, elsa, ada, ezra, gale, gael, beau, alfred, ackerly, otto, otis, augustine, doris, iris, ida, esther, josephine, alma, beatrix, elsie, effie, alistair, leon, percival, gilbert, atlas, auden, audin, adonis, maynard, hadrian, celia, maude, maudie, rumble, ranger, alistair, aristocracy, delegate, podium, loverboy, cupid’s arrow, lovesick, lovestruck, painted hearts, rose, jaime, reid, rodney, gregg, fang, jock, laurens, pierre, cinn, markus, xander, zane, chartreuse, bumples, RGB, chroma key, the pencil of the earth, palooza, puppet pin, prelude, sizzle, breakfast, clearance, bozo, plasticine, megara, ophelia, delaney, vincent, melinda, seren, cassiopia, darling, griffyn

[moipale]

Heartbreaking: The Goth Kid You Hang Out With Just Rearranged Your Worldview

Written for Ectober Week 2020 Day One: Fog/Splatter, hosted by @lexosaurus, @ecto-american, and @babypop-phantom! Can be found here on AO3 and here on FFN!

“Do you ever think about how weird the ghosts are?”

It’s Spike who asks the question, and Valerie only doesn’t jump because she’s had months of practice pretending nothing phases her.

Spike—real name Sam Edmond, though no one calls him that—is an upperclassman, somewhere between goth and punk, and a complete outcast in the school. Since she’d been booted from the A-Listers, Valerie had taken to sitting with him at lunch for two reasons: he’s idiot repellant, and he doesn’t talk much. Perfect for a girl who wants to be able to stew in her own rage without being interrupted.

He’d started actually speaking to her a few weeks ago. It was mostly greetings here and there, or questions about when pep rallies or ghost attack drills were scheduled, but it had gradually grown into what might pass for full conversations. Valerie’s not exactly sure when that happened. It just sort of crept up on her, and now they’re… friends? More than just tablemates, at least.

“What do you mean?” Valerie asks, a little shortly. In her mind’s eye she sees Phantom, streaking across the night sky, away from her. She’d failed to catch him again last night. She bats the thought away, frustrated.

“I mean, they’re not like the stories, y’know?” Valerie makes a face, and he goes on. “They’re not manifesting in broken electronics or slamming doors or flickering lights. The ghosts from legends are subtle. Amity’s ghosts pretty fuckin’ aren’t.” As he talks, Spike doodles on a napkin. Stealing a glance at it, Valerie makes out Skulker’s distinct frame—and a very prominent bazooka. No, he… he is not very subtle.

“Does it matter?” Valerie asks, tiredly.

“I just wonder sometimes if they’re not something different.” Spike straightens out of his slouch, stretching before he slumps back over, half-laying on the table. “Something alive.”

She bristles. “They’re ghosts. They’re dead,” Valerie bites out, standing up. Her lunch is only half-eaten. “Everyone knows Ember is that girl who died in a housefire in the 80s.”

Spike doesn’t move, unaffected by Valerie’s aggression. “Sure, she died. But maybe she’s just different now.”

Valerie has gathered up her bag and moved to throw her lunch tray out when Spike speaks again. “You’ve noticed, haven’t you?” he says, almost quietly, but it cuts into her anyway. “That they bleed when they’re cut.”

She turns around and leaves.

 She shouldn’t put any stock into Spike’s words. He doesn’t know anything about ghosts; he hasn’t fought them, he’s not scientists like the Fentons are. Valerie has more authority on the subject than he’ll ever have.

That doesn’t stop what he said from creeping into her mind every time she tries to rest, though. It keeps bubbling up in the back of her thoughts, arresting her ponderings when she least expects it, infecting her mind like a slow-acting poison, growing more and more intense with each passing day. She doesn’t want to think about it, she can’t think about it, and yet still it haunts her.

Ha, haunts.

It’s not anything major that forces her to let the words come, to examine them. It’s not the ghost dog, or Phantom, or anything like that. Instead, it’s a bird.

Valerie has always loved birds. Her mom took care of a cockatiel named Butler when she was younger; it was a silly thing. Loud, too, but Valerie was a loud kid, and they were two peas in a pod. When Mom died, her grandma ended up taking Butler, since Dad was never much one for taking care of pets. She hasn’t seen Butler in a while. Grandma never did like Dad much.

The bird that’s decided to roost on the ledge outside their apartment window is decidedly not a cockatiel. It’s as big as Valerie’s arm, for one, and it’s that sickening ectoplasmic green that she’s become all too accustomed to. And the residents have started sending their landlord rather aggressive complaints, which their landlord then redirected to Dad, saying, “It’s your apartment, Gray. Get rid of the thing or get out.”

Funnily enough, what Spike had said is the furthest thing from her mind when she goes outside that night, at around 2 A.M. She doesn’t have her suit on; instead, she has an ectogun in her hand and a net strapped to her hip, just in case. The bird hasn’t made any moves to attack so far, and Valerie’s expecting to catch it by surprise.

It glows, as all ghosts do, so it’s not hard to spot it against the dark, looming façade of her apartment building.  It’s three floors up, well within the range of her gun, and Valerie would wager that it’s not a very strong ghost.

One shot will do it, she thinks.

Valerie raises her gun, both hands on it, steady as can be. She knows her way around weapons by now—knows the weight of a gun in her hand, a bowstaff, a bat. She knows the kickback. She’s an expert on her hoverboard, movement smooth and balance perfect. She’s far more powerful than this puny interloper.

Trained on that acid-green silhouette, Valerie lets out a breath. She lets her pulse slow. She listens to the low whistle of wind down her empty street, a far cry from the busy murmur of the suburbs where she used to live. She licks her lips, then blinks, just once.

Ectoguns don’t make a lot of noise when their triggers are pulled. There’s something different about the projectiles; something less physical than a bullet, that makes a whiny sort of pop instead of a sharp blast. Valerie’s never liked the sound that much. It feels less monumental to pull the trigger—like a toy, almost.

She pulls, and it pops, and the splatter of the ghost against the brick of the building echoes louder, farther, than her gun ever could. She’d brought one of the bigger ones, one with a little punch.

She didn’t expect the bird to explode on impact.

Valerie brings the gun back to her side and just looks for a minute. She looks for long enough to watch the spray of ectoplasm begin to drip, and a piece of—neck? head?—peel away from the wall, falling into the nest the bird had begun to build.

She can’t see any distinct guts or bones from here, but does that matter? In the dead of night, with a gun in her hand, does that matter?

She vomits against the side of the building before she goes back inside, Spike’s voice ringing like church bells in her mind, loud, so loud she can hear nothing else—

They bleed when they’re cut.

I wonder sometimes if they’re something different.

Something

alive.

[hunty627]

The class of teacher Jeannie. A song that I have made up.

Time to go to genie school, all my friends and me. Genie school is so much fun, there’s lots to do and see. Teacher Jeannie’s at the door, she greets us every day. She ticks our names off on the list and this is what she’ll say, oh!

Lana, May, Mallow, Dawn, Dorie, Reanne and Sakura, Mirabelle and Wang Ai Ling, the one and only Thunderella, Zoe Drake and Valerie, Mindy, Sally and Bonnie. Listen, there’s the bell for the class of Teacher Jeannie.

Learning magic at training time, we do it every day, playing music and singing songs until it’s time to play. It’s so much fun for all of us, there’s lots for us to do, and Jeannie sings our names out loud, we love to join in too, oh!

Teresa, Yuki, Elena, Mint, Myrtle Edmonds and Yuna, Lilo, Kat, Temacu, and don’t forget Victoria, Ellie Craft, Amanda, Lita, Rei and Melanie, listen, there’s the bell for the class of teacher Jeannie.

End of school, it’s time to go, all my friends and me, we learn a lot to save the world, so listen carefully. After training, we race outside so we can save the day, and when we finish our hero work, we’ll have some time to play, oh!

Misty, June, Gloria, Josie and Eliza, Flannery and Serena, and then there’s Morgiana, Rini, Aki and Natsumi, Autumn and Koyuki, listen, there’s the bell for the class of teacher Jeannie. Listen there’s the bell for the class of teacher Jeannie! Yay! ^^

[btsybrkr]

Please Come Dine With Me

In today’s world of Netflix originals, glossy reality series and big budget drama, it’s easy to forget about TV’s old reliables. You know, the programmes with nothing to say, but so much to give. They’re the television equivalent of an ex that you can’t help but miss, despite having brought absolutely nothing to each other’s lives. The absolute king of this brand of TV can only be Come Dine With Me, the dinner party contest that began broadcasting in 1892 and has been playing simultaneously, on all 26 branches of Channel 4, at every hour of every day ever since. Seriously, flick through the channels, I can almost guarantee it’s on right now.

Come Dine With Me, now in its 37th series (I’m actually not making that bit up), must unironically be one of the best things to ever air in this country. During a casual viewing, it seems that nothing much happens, but a quick Google search unearths an absolute goldmine of unforgettable moments. Some have already been cemented into pop culture history, destined to be repeated on ‘100 Greatest...’ clip shows until the sun swallows the Earth whole - like the man who decided to sample a sauce he was making by nonchalantly shoving the whole whisk into his mouth, or sore loser Peter Marsh’s ‘you won, Jane’ speech, which is, in my opinion, a hundred times more brutal than anything Ricky Gervais could or would ever come out with whilst presenting an awards ceremony. Others are unfortunately never spoken about, but remain a vivid memory in the consciousness of the lucky viewers who caught them, such as the moment a particularly eccentric contestant, known only as DJ Dom, drafted in indie musician Badly Drawn Boy to help him cook for his ‘Madchester’ themed dinner party, before telling the viewers “All done, just got to go and change me kecks!” and coming back downstairs in the exact same outfit, right down to the bucket hat. Or the iconic Preston week from series 7, in which we were introduced to so-posh-it-hurts Valerie Holliday, whose pronunciation of the word ‘pheasant’ (or fezzaaaunt, as she might say) is superglued to the insides of my brain, where it will stay for the rest of my days. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I’m sure we’ve all, at some point, had the ‘who would be invited to your dream dinner party?’ conversation with our friends or family, but what we should really be asking each other is “who would be on your dream episode of Come Dine With Me?”. If you think about it, they’re two very different questions, with very different answers. Of course, I’d love the chance to sit and speak with Tom Hanks, Mac Demarco and Phoebe Waller-Bridge over a glass of wine and a really good burger, but do I think it would make entertaining TV? Well, yeah, probably. But not on Come Dine With Me. That’s a horse of a very different colour.

Anyway, here’s what my dream episode of Come Dine With Me might look like. Narrated in your brain by Dave Lamb, probably.

Today, we’re in Blackpool, where our first contestant, 23-year-old chronic timewaster Betsy (that’s me!), is gearing up to host the opening night of the week, and we’re sure it’s going to be an absolute belter. Let’s see what her fellow dinner party guests make of the menu.

“A cheeseboard? As a starter? What’s that about?”, asks living soundbite and reality TV icon, Gemma Collins. She’s unimpressed with the menu, largely on the basis that it pales in comparison to the sort of luxury she’s used to, such as the gourmet camel penis she could have been tucking into on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! In 2014, had she not packed it in after three days. Actually, I think the celebrity version of Come Dine With Me might be the only reality programme that Gemma Collins is yet to appear in. Maybe we should be writing to the powers-that-be at Channel 4 and getting them to sort that out, since I’ll surely be making a strong case for her appearance here. Anyway, who’s next?

Our third contestant is equally disappointed with the offerings. “I don’t fuck with stilton”, states the self-proclaimed second coming of Jesus, Kanye West. Yes, he’s an odd choice for a daytime cookery/popularity contest, especially since I’m almost 100% sure he doesn’t cook for himself under any circumstances, and is probably only popular among people who’ve never had to try and sit through an actual conversation with him, but who cares? Kanye does what Kanye wants. And if Kanye wants to appear on Come Dine With Me, then that’s his business, and he’ll shit in the Yeezys of anybody who disagrees. Or pay someone else to do it for him, obviously. Anyway, onto contestant number four, who can surely only be disappointing after that… can’t they?

Of course not!! Contestant number four is TV’s shouty queen-of-clean Kim Woodburn, who is really excited to get her teeth into some red hot beef. Not the food kind, either. The kind of beef she dished out to Philip Schofield, while he was asking her questions about the beef she dished out in her fondly-remembered ‘chicken-livered bunch’ rant from Celebrity Big Brother. She’ll be glad to know I’m not serving any chicken livers at my dinner party, I’m sure. Not that she’ll be particularly enamoured with my cooking skills overall.

“It all looks terribly common, darling”, she says, as she holds the menu in one Marigold-wearing hand, and a glass of an expensive gin in the other. Suit yourself, then, Kim.

Contestant number five hasn’t bothered to read the menu yet, but that’s because he’s been busy begging the Channel 4 producers on set for another series of Deal Or No Deal now that his hefty I’m A Celebrity paycheck is all but gone. Yes, it’s Noel Edmonds, TV’s favourite bearded arsehole. After Alan Sugar, of course, but I’ve already written a bit about him on here, so there’d be no point in putting him in this one as well. You know, someone I knew a few years back once told me that Noel Edmonds did a guest lecture at his university, in which he offered some lucky students the chance to spend their summer doing a couple of months unpaid work experience on his radio show. Imagine that! Spending day-in-day-out with Noel Edmonds, without even a penny in compensation. I know they say ‘life’s not fair’, but that really would be pushing it. 

Anyway, that’s everyone, and as I anxiously pour boiling water into five chicken and mushroom Pot Noodles, my all-star dinner guests begin to arrive. First at the doorstep is Kim, who I greet with open arms. 

“Wonderful to meet you, luvvie”, she says. The worried glance she gives the camera afterwards tells me otherwise. Perhaps she’s unimpressed by my unshiny door handle. That’s not a euphemism. 

Gemma and Noel arrive soon afterwards, both carrying bottles of champagne that I couldn’t possibly ever afford myself. They’re not to share, of course, they were bought in anticipation that the wine I’m providing wouldn’t be up to standard, which it is, because I’m serving all my courses with a glass of Summer Berries Echo Falls. It’s £5.99 a bottle and gets you absolutely Bankered. 

We mingle in the living room, eagerly anticipating the arrival of my final guest. Just as Gemma, Kim and Noel begin bonding over the trials of being paid many thousands of pounds to sit around and simply exist for the viewing pleasures of mere mortals like myself, Kanye West teleports himself into the room, in a futuristic flash of lightning and to the tune of his 2010 hit Power, blowing a massive hole into the entire left side of my house in the process. It’s true what he says, you know - the man really is a genius.

We take our seats at the dinner table, as soon as the rest of my guests are done with the obligatory search through my knicker drawer (cue a comeback for Kim’s famous How Clean Is Your House? catchphrase, “Oh, you dirty devil!”) that happens on every edition of Come Dine With Me. You know, despite everything else on the programme, that’s the one bit of it that I’ve never really understood. Every single one of the show’s 1,647 episodes includes a bizarre sequence in which the contestants go running around the host’s home, rifling through their personal belongings and mocking them for the cameras. I’m sure the point of it is supposed to be to give the guests a chance to ‘get to know’ the host, but then I’d have thought that spending five nights eating and chatting with them would be a fairly effective way of doing that. Besides, can you imagine catching your guests doing that in real life? I wouldn’t be sitting them down for a meal and rating them for a chance to win £1,000, I’d be throwing them out, maybe even calling the police, depending on what exactly they were doing with the belongings in question. Not that I have time to think about that right now, I’ve got a cheeseboard to prepare!

First topic of conversation is, of course, TV, and as we tuck into our Ritz biscuits and Tesco Value mature cheddar, Noel gives us his opinion.

“My main issue with television these days is that I’m just not on it enough.” A valid viewpoint. We take a moment to collectively long for the days of Noel’s HQ, a drunken nightmare that was somehow harnessed and broadcast to the masses by Sky1, way back in 2008. Noel’s HQ has been mostly lost to time, except for the presence of a video on YouTube entitled ‘Noel Edmonds speaks with passion’, which is well worth a watch if, like me, you enjoy four minute long videos of TV presenters struggling to stifle their own belief that they might just be The Best Person Ever. There’s a great bit in it where he angrily declares to his delighted audience, “I don’t get paid a penny for doing this show”. Noel, I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you for your sacrifice. 

Speaking of The Best Person Ever, Kanye is noticeably quiet. But then, Kanye isn’t here to share his views. Kanye isn’t particularly here to do anything. Kanye is simply here to observe - to greet his subjects, and work out what makes them tick. Kanye can sense our excitement to be sat in his presence, and Kanye enjoys this. It feeds Kanye. Far more than my meager dinner offerings ever could.

I press Gemma for her own opinions on TV, as someone who is literally always on it. Gemma Collins gets where Domestos can’t. It may sound like I’m being flippant, but in all honesty, I love Gemma Collins. I’m not even sure why, I just know I do. She’s famous for the sake of being famous, and she’s bloody good at it. She’s also quite possibly the most quotable public figure since Shakespeare himself. Maybe even more than Shakespeare. Think about it. What inspires you more? “To be or not to be?”, like anyone knows what that actually means, or “Nah, fuck this, I’m out of here. Get that fire exit door. Am off.”, a poetic sentiment, which conveys an emotion we’ve surely all felt at some point in our lives? I know who gets my vote.

Kim misunderstands the question “what do you think of television today?” as “how clean do you think my television is?”, and responds by pulling out a five pack of dusters and a can of Mr Sheen, and getting to work on the flatscreen in the corner of my living room. Oh well, at least all that cleaning will make her hungry in time for the main course. Speaking of which, maybe it’s time I got on with that.

Despite their disappointment with the starters, the main course - Super Noodle sandwiches, with a generous side-helping of curly fries - appears to delight all my guests, except Kim, who mutters under her breath that it all seems very tacky. I won’t let it get me down. It’s my heartfelt belief that anything can be a sandwich filling if you’re brave enough, and my other three guests agree with me. Kanye lets out a satisfied ‘hm’. Excellent. 

We sit down to dessert, and another glass of Echo Falls. The wine is going down surprisingly well, especially with Kim, who has started subtly rolling her eyes at the conversation between myself and Gemma Collins, who are bonding over how much we love Gemma Collins. Kim purses her lips. Her Spidey-senses are tingling. There’s conflict afoot. 

I quiz Noel about an article that I saw in 2015 and have never forgotten. It was featured on The Independent, and was headlined ‘Noel Edmonds says that ‘death doesn’t exist’ and that ‘Electrosmog’ is more deadly than Ebola’. I know that this sounds like something I just came up with, but I regret to tell you that is absolutely something he said. In real life. I’ll give you a minute to take that in.

Noel Edmonds reaffirms this view to me, speaking with the same unnerving passion he did in the YouTube clip I mentioned earlier. I nod politely. I begin to wonder if everyone’s had a little too much Echo Falls, and if I can really handle another four nights with these people. It’s at this moment that, for the first time all night, His Almighty Westness speaks. 

“I really feel what you’re saying right now”, he tells Noel. We wait together for the next part of the statement, but it never comes. Kanye West outstretches his arm to Noel Edmonds. They shake hands. None of us can quite believe it. And for a moment, Noel and Kanye are right. It does feel as though death doesn’t exist. Nothing exists outside of this dinner party. Everything that matters is happening around my dining table at this very second. 

The silence is broken by Kim Woodburn tutting into a wine glass. 

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake,” she drawls, rolling her eyes, “What a load of nonsensical tosh.”

“Excuse me?”, asks Noel, still hand-in-hand with Kanye West, an alliance he is clearly eager to keep going for as long as possible, on the off chance that he fancies funding another series of Noel’s House Party, “I don’t see you bringing anything to the table here, Kim.”

She widens her eyes, taking another generous gulp of Echo Falls - and I know exactly what she’s about to bring to the table. A big old fight. 

Gemma Collins throws in her two cents. 

“I think we should all calm down a little bit, d’ya know what I mean? I’m having a lovely meal at a fan’s house, I can’t be arsed with an argument.” Wise words, as always, Gemma. Wise words.

It all kicks off.

“You can be quiet, you talentless, orange foghorn!”, sneers Kim, “You’ve contributed nothing to the conversation this evening, other than talking about yourself.”

Gemma’s eyes seem to cloud over with anger, as her complexion quickly transitions from Dulux shade Tangerine Twist to Cranberry Crunch. She knocks the rest of her wine back. Everything goes quiet again for a moment, as Noel, Kanye and I watch the two TV divas stare at each other. It’s like a scene from an old Western, but with diamonds and veneers.

With a violent roar, she launches herself across the table, grabbing Kim by her fake ponytail. I jump up to hold her back, as Kanye leaps from his seat to hold Kim from Gemma. There’s a mad blur of acrylic nails and tufts of bleach blonde hair flying between them, some of it landing into the banoffee pie I had worked so hard on. Noel stands back, arms folded, watching the action in dismay. If you could see the whole picture, it might resemble a renaissance painting, the sort that could be hung in a gallery anywhere in the world and analysed for it’s artistic importance. ‘Nous aimons le boeuf’, it might be called. French for ‘we love the beef’. Doesn’t really matter it means, though, to be fair, as long as it sounds clever and artsy.

Noel shakes his head. 

“What the hell am I doing here?”, he asks, frustrated, “I’m a huge TV star.”

Security eventually intervene, somewhat reluctantly, given the fact this is the most action they’ve seen on a shoot for Come Dine With Me, possibly ever. Producers watch back the footage of the fight on an iPad, sat on my sofa, attempting to mask their delight at what they’d caught on camera.

Kanye eventually stands up, soberly taking in the scene in front of him. Is this how Jay-Z felt as he left the elavator?, he wonders.

“I’m gonna take off”, he informs everyone, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room in the aftermath. But before he can teleport out of the room again, possibly blowing a hole in the other side of my house, the producer speaks up.

“Same time tomorrow? It’s Gemma’s night.”

Four more nights of this… four more nights, all for the chance to win £1,000… is it worth it? 

Of course it is. It was a blast. Same time tomorrow, indeed.

To see some highlights from the iconic Preston week of Come Dine With Me, click here. To see Noel Edmonds speak with passion, click here. To follow me on twitter, click here, or here for instagram :)

[markstucker]

YCBK 231: Advice from College Admissions Deans-Part 2

In this episode you will hear:

  (05:30) Julia Esquivel makes her debut as one of our co-hosts in our monthly rotation for our “In the News” segment. Mark and Julia discuss a Washington Post article by Valerie Strauss entitled, “Advice from College Admissions Deans”. We discussed this article on #194 but we said we would return to it. Julia picked out three quotes from the article from admissions deans that resonated with her and Mark and Julia discuss them.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2019/09/26/truth-about-college-admissions-college-admissions-deans/

    (37:56) Diana from Wisconsin sent us an outstanding list of questions that are all designed to get some guidance about the transition to college. Mark and Lisa acknowledge that the transition to college is an area that we haven’t adequately covered. Mark and Lisa answered half of Diana’s questions in episode and they answer the other half here in episode 231.

  1) Thanksgiving break- we found that plane tickets for Thanksgiving break were sky-high in price and the remaining school year after break was so short, it was almost not worth it to have her come home for break. In retrospect, we kind of wish we had not set the expectation to have her come home for Thanksgiving, as it was short and stressful. 

  2) Safety and crime on campus - does the campus have an emergency alert system that students can sign up for text alerts for? Can parents sign up also?

  3) how often should we talk on the phone together? Should we have a weekly call? How often will we be in touch with each other?

    (01:01:10) Our interview is with Karen Kristof, a 30+ year admission veteran who has worked at five colleges. Karen is the Dean of admissions at Colorado College. Karen addresses three different topics over for three consecutive Thursdays. In last week’s episode Karen answered the question, how do colleges evaluate a transcript. This week she answers the question:

  Preview-How admissions officers evaluate a high school

  Karen shares how a college uses the School Profile to understand each high school

Karen talks about how they evaluate a student who is at a poor high school

How do you evaluate a student who is at a school with a lot of really high achievers

Can they tell if a school has grade inflation or grade deflation

We discuss reading by school group

  (01:13:42) Recommended Resource

  (01:30:30) Our College Spotlight is The University of Michigan, Part 2 of 2 with Lisa

    Please send in your questions either on Twitter at @YCBKpodcast using the Messages tab (this is our preference) or via email at Questions@yourcollegeboundkid.com for the 26 admissions interviews we are doing in the summer and fall. Our interviews are with the following people at the following schools:

Confirmed interviews Bard-Mackie Siebens Mercer-Kelly Holloway Oregon State-Jon Boeckenstadt (Interview about a range of admission topics)-July 19th Reed-Milyon Truelove- Rice University-Tamara Siler St Johns College-Benjamin Baum-This interview is on June 8th University Pittsburgh-Tom Becker- American University-Andrea Felder Texas Christian University (TCU)-Heath Einstein-This interview is on July 6th Michigan State University-John Ambrose-This interview is on June 10th Pitzer College-Yvonne Berumen Chapman University-Marcela Meija-Martinez Connecticut College-Andy Strickler* Trinity College-Anthony Berry* Trinity University-Justin Doty-(interview about athletic recruitment process for DIII schools)-July 15th College of the Atlantic-Heather Albert* Spelman College-Chelsea Holley* Scripps College-Victoria Romero* Saint Louis University-Daniel Wood-(Interview is about transfer admissions, Daniel is a transfer counselor) University of Connecticut-Vern Granger* Colby College-Randi Arsenault* Hamilton College-Peaches Valdes* University of Georgia-David Graves* Washington University St Louis-Ronne Turner University of Rochester-Robert Alexander*

University of Delaware-Darrell Edmonds

    To sign up to receive Your College-Bound Kid PLUS, our free quarterly admissions deep-dive, delivered directly to your email four times a year, just go to yourcollegeboundkid.com, and you will see the sign up on the right side of the page under “the Listen to our podcast icons”

  Follow Mark Stucker on Twitter to get breaking college admission news,  and updates about the podcast before they go live. You can ask questions on Twitter that he will answer them on the podcast. Mark will also share additional hot topics in the news and breaking news on this Twitter feed. Twitter message is also the preferred way to ask questions for our podcast:

  https://twitter.com/YCBKpodcast

  To access our transcripts, click: https://yourcollegeboundkid.com/category/transcripts/

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Every word in that episode when the words loans are used, will be highlighted in yellow with a timestamps

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  Don't forget to send your questions related to any and every facet of the college process to: questions@yourcollegeboundkid.com.

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  Check out the college admissions books Mark recommends: https://yourcollegeboundkid.com/recommended-books/

  Check out the college websites Mark recommends: https://yourcollegeboundkid.com/recommended-websites/

  If you want to have some input about what you like and what you recommend we change about our podcast, please complete our Podcast survey; here is the link:

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    If you want a college consultation with Mark or Lisa, just text Mark at 404-664-4340 or email Lisa at lisa@schoolmatch4u.com. All they ask is that you review their services on their website before the complimentary session. Their counseling website is: https://schoolmatch4u.com/

Check out this episode!

[deepartnature]

Cooking with Cyrano de Bergerac By Valerie Stivers

“In the opening scene of the play Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand, first performed in 1897, ‘orange girls”’ at a Parisian theater in the 1640s make their way through an audience of soldiers, society ladies, noblemen, and riffraff, selling orangeade, raspberry cordial, syllabub, macarons, lemonade, iced buns, and cream puffs. The handsome soldier Christian de Neuvillette and his friends sample their wares, drink wine, and eat from a buffet. A poet and pastry cook named Ragueneau banter-barters an apple tartlet for a verse. ...”

The Paris Review

The Paris Review - Archives: Valerie Stivers

[j-ivy]

So proud to be a part of this historic moment! #WriteON ✍🏾❤️💯 #Repost @recordingacademy - We are excited to announce our Songwriters & Composers Wing’s (@songcompwing) Leadership Council comprised of music creators spanning diverse backgrounds and genres to further our mission of supporting and advocating on behalf of music's storytellers. 🎶 Hailing from our 12 Chapters and The Latin Recording Academy's (@latingrammys) membership, the accomplished #songwriters and #composers that make up the Leadership Council include: Ivan Barias (@doxortho) Edgar Barrera (@edgarbarrera) Mason Bates (@masonbatesmusic) Emily Bear (@emilybear) Claudia Brant (@claudiabrantoficial) Bryan-Michael Cox (@bryanmichaelcox) Erika Ender (@erikaender) Sue Ennis J.J. Hairston (@jjhairston) Sam Hollander (@samhollander) J. Ivy (@j_ivy) Brett James (@brettjamessongs) Savan Kotecha (@awsuki) Luciano Luna (@lucianolunacompositor) Lori McKenna (@lorimckennama) Eduardo Osorio (@eduardoosorio_) Tayla Parx (@taylaparx) Bruce Robison (@brucerobison) Georgia Stitt (@georgiastitt) Justin Tranter (@tranterjustin) Christopher Tin (@christophertinmusic) Emily Warren (@emilywarrennnn) Jay Weigel (@jcompose11) The Leadership Council will join the previously announced Honorary Chairs Lamont Dozier, Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds, Ashley Gorley, Carole King, Jimmy Jam, Tania León, Gustavo Santaolalla, Valerie Simpson, Diane Warren, and Hans Zimmer. Trustee Evan Bogart (@kiddbogart) serves as the Songwriters & Composers Wing Chair and Susan Stewart (@susanstewart77) is the newly appointed Managing Director. https://www.instagram.com/p/CS-JDaOruHO/?utm_medium=tumblr