#vaguely project moon related

[azoosepted]

oh to be an ex-syndicate member running from her past who runs into a person who’s on fire, talk with her for 2 minutes, then watch her turn into a completely different person Phoenix-style, part ways, meet again with said person at a bar, become roommates with her, get mindlinking tattoos with her, get asked if we’re together by her friends, nearly die of gay panic, and wind up getting together five minutes later

[cataphractastrophe]

Huh. I should prolly post something about LCB Division 2 at some point. Medea, our sinner #8(played by me ofc) cannot exist only in the minds of 13 people on discord grah I need to spread my message.

[murdleandmarot]

Can you info dump about bluebelle, I’m very curious about her :3

SORRY THIS TOOK A HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS I WANTED IT TO BE PERFECT

Hi hello!!!!! I will very gladly talk about Bluebelle, she’s the love of my life forever :D 💙💙💙💙💙

Important note: I’m a very um dramatic person when it comes to creating oc backstories. I am nothing if not a little bit pretentious, and giving ocs weird and angsty backstories is my passion project, and that’s part of the reason it took so long to collect my thoughts, and come up with something concrete, (or as concrete as possible)

I’ll start with facts about her that I like and then backstory regarding the fabled music box :))

-her design/colors are based off of a stuffed animal I bought in Munich :)

-the songs I most associate with her, (I have a playlist because I wanted one), are probably A Dangerous Thing/Everything Matters by AURORA, The Sugar Plum Fairy from the Nutcracker, and I came to your party dressed as a shadow. Adore those songs

-the only jellicles that she has met, (by choice), are Victoria, Misto, Plato, and Demeter. Or rather, Demeter knows of her, but Bluebelle doesn’t know Demeter

-this is mostly bc she’s pretty paranoid about meeting new people, and prefers to stick to her people. It took her a while to warm up to Plato, but eventually she got used to him

-this is also despite Vicci’s best efforts to convince Bluebelle to at the very least meet Jemima

-SPEAKING OF JEMIMA, if you haven’t heard, here’s my little jellicle magic theory: The cat’s magic relates to their eyes, just vaguely. Jemima and Misto each have white eyes, and you may have noticed, Bluebelle has those eyes as well. Because she’s. Blue. And that’s not a typical cat color, I figured I should just run with it. I see Bluebelle’s magic as a combination of Jemima and Victoria! Yes, Victoria is magic to me and that’s not just because she’s lovely and beautiful, but because of the way she uses the music in the show, and the way some productions seem to use her as a metaphor for the Jellicle moon, relating it to her dancing. This is especially true for me when I hc Vicci as deaf, because it implies some sort of magic when her solo syncs with the music. Bluebelle has the same sort of music and dance magic as Victoria, and the same sort of eerie unearthly-ness of Jemima. Basically I combined all my favorite girlies into one and made her <33

Really incoherent n convoluted story under the cut lolllll

I’ve always imagined the music box has something Bluebelle has had since she was very young, as in some of her earliest memories are of the tune it plays. Her mother probably gave it to her before both of her parents disappeared like they were in a Disney movie. The point is that it’s one of her favorite things, and she loves dancing to it. Victoria loves the song as well, and they sometimes practice using the music box, and things continue as so until Misto appears, and starts practicing with them.

Because Misto insists that no music is coming out of the music box. He can’t hear a single note.

Neither can Plato, or any of the other jellicles, when Victoria borrows it, and plays the song for everyone else in the junkyard, (Bluebelle doesn’t go with her-she’d rather not meet the others, for fear they won’t like her, or will tell Victoria to stop visiting her).

No one else can hear the music. No one except, of course, for Jemima and the psychic twins.

Bluebelle starts to ask around town, playing it for different cats, until she finds an older tom, not far, though she doesn’t know it, from the Junkyard.

He can’t hear the music box of course, but he tells her that he’s bit of a collector of magical artifacts. Perhaps he’ll have something similar in his collection.

Would she like to take a look?

Bluebelle declines. Declines at least, to visit him on this night. She hands him the music box, and instructs him to take it back to his den, and look for himself. They will meet in the same place the next day, and if he cannot find anything, then she will go and see for herself.

The next morning, they meet again. He tells her that he’s sorry, he couldn’t find anything that matched the box, and that in his haste to meet her on time, he’d left the box behind. The tomcat invites her to his den, and again, she declines, saying she will visit on a later date, that she already has plans.

Bluebelle follows him home, and hides in wait. She watches as his friends gather to scheme, and doesn’t notice the staring of a golden queen hanging off the arm of a blood orange tom.

The acquaintances leave, and the old cat retires to his den. The fire is almost out, leaving her to sneak into the other tent.

…blood seeps from every item in the cramped space, leaving it to drip from the walls and stain the ground scarlet.

He is not only a collector of magical artifacts, but a collector of queens, as well. The music box is the only thing unmarred by the red, so she steals it back.

She swears she can hear him howling the whole trip.

Bluebelle doesn’t tell Victoria what happens. She tells her to steer clear of the cat who could very be Bluebelle’s father, with a coat as vibrant as the sea, and Victoria doesn’t ask any questions.

Bluebelle doesn’t want to meet any of the other jellicles after that. She barely wants to talk to anyone ever again, with the exception of the few cats she already knows.

She and Victoria still dance to the music box though. Misto tries to follow along.

[libbee]

Marry a Sun in 7th houser

Projection

As I said in a previous post about 7th house Sun, here the native has an underdeveloped ego. They do not feel respected enough, do not feel complete on their own. Every human wants a relationship but these natives NEED a relationship like it is their energy drink, batteries, electricity generator. Like their system wouldn't work if they are not relating to somebody all the time. Imagine driving a car with no lights at night, how hard is that. But let's say somebody else is telling you the directions, somebody else who knows the roadmap, somebody else who is guiding you, you can drive the car even in dark because of their instructions. This is what it feels like to have this placement. Like they do not have the same confidence in themselves but if someone else is by their side, they suddenly have all the confidence in the world. Reason being that they project themselves upon others and only understand themselves in relation to others. In this situation, she needs a man or close people to intuitively tell her who she is. She understands herself in relation to others; as a disadvantage of this placement, she can confine herself to identity like "Somebody's wife", "Somebody's daughter", "Somebody's friend". Ironically, she even likes that position. Yes, there is a secret desire to be independent, to be somebody on her own but the greater desire is to be dependent on someone else!

With these ladies, there is a sense of invisibility. As if they do not know who they are unless they are in a relationship or surrounded by other people. For ladies, it is always advisable to look up the birth chart of their mom and see the ascendant, moon and sun. It will show how her core personality has shaped and influenced your own core personality. For example, I find this description of Mother Complex in relation to 7h Sun daughter really apt because of how empty a daughter feels:

Identity with the Mother =

If a mother-complex in a woman does not produce an overdeveloped Eros, it leads to identification with the mother and to paralysis of the daughter’s feminine initiative. A complete projection of her personality on to the mother then takes place, owing to the fact that she is unconscious both of her maternal instinct and of her Eros.

Everything which reminds her of motherhood, responsibility, personal relationships, and erotic demands arouses feelings of inferiority and compels her to run away—to her mother, naturally, who lives to perfection everything that seems unattainable to her daughter. As a sort of superwoman (admired involuntarily by the daughter), the mother lives out for her beforehand all that the girl might have lived for herself. She is content to cling to her mother in selfless devotion, while at the same time unconsciously striving, almost against her will, to tyrannize over her, naturally under the mask of complete loyalty and devotion. The daughter leads a shadow-existence, often visibly sucked dry by her mother, and she prolongs her mother’s life by a sort of continuous blood transfusion.

These bloodless maidens are by no means immune to marriage. On the contrary, despite their shadowiness and passivity, they command a high price on the marriage market. First, they are so empty that a man is free to impute to them anything he fancies. In addition, they are so unconscious that the unconscious puts out countless invisible feelers, veritable octopus-tentacles, that suck up all masculine projections; and this pleases men enormously.

All that feminine indefiniteness is the longed-for counterpart of male decisiveness and single-mindedness, which can be satisfactorily achieved only if a man can get rid of everything doubtful, ambiguous, vague, and muddled by projecting it upon some charming example of feminine innocence. Because of the woman’s characteristic passivity, and the feelings of inferiority which make her continually play the injured innocent, the man finds himself cast in an attractive role: he has the privilege of putting up with the familiar feminine foibles with real superiority, and yet with forbearance, like a true knight. (Fortunately, he remains ignorant of the fact that these deficiencies consist largely of his own projections.)

The girl’s notorious helplessness is a special attraction. She is so much an appendage of her mother that she can only flutter confusedly when a man approaches. She just doesn’t know a thing.

She is so inexperienced, so terribly in need of help, that even the gentlest swain becomes a daring abductor who brutally robs a loving mother of her daughter. Such a marvellous opportunity to pass himself off as a gay Lothario does not occur every day and therefore acts as a strong incentive. This was how Pluto abducted Persephone from the inconsolable Demeter. But, by a decree of the gods, he had to surrender his wife every year to his mother-in-law for the summer season. (The attentive reader will note that such legends do not come about by chance!)

Narcissism in Husband

Like attracts like. Here with Sun in 7h, boyfriend/husband shows narcissistic behaviours, any of these:

Wanting attention to himself

Golden child of his family

Wants to feel powerful and authoritarian

Wants ego boost

Can be self-centered and selfish

My way or highway; decision maker

Was overly inflated by parents

Trophy husband;

Wants to be your center of attention

Feels important

Asserts his authority

Is faithful, Sun for some reasons gives loyalty to husband

Dominating - Submissive dynamic

Remember! Narcissistic behaviour is trauma response from repeated childhood neglect and abuse. You cannot fix him but he can heal himself if his birth chart is well balanced. Nevertheless, even though we cannot change how planets operate in house, we can become aware of them and lower our expectations - create boundaries - educate ourselves - care for ourselves.

Trigger warning = May offend someone; Ladies with sun 7H are actually quite codependent, submissive, wifey type. They are the ones to be the traditional wife, "my husband is my hero" type. So, although it may offend progressive minded people to think that she is giving up her power, but for the native it can be real choice between keeping the relationship by compromising some of her powers or be single. Relationships are hard sometimes for some natives especially when it is a major life purpose.

Marriage

It is highly advisable to take some break in your 20s and to find yourself, your identity, individuality, who you are when you are not around other people. It is hard and terrifying at first, but it will be like life changing exercise for you. This goes for Sun in Libra as well even if it is not placed in the 7th house because the sign will show the characteristics.

Nevertheless, once married, they are bound to lose themselves in their husband and IF THEY ARE MATURE, they can actually make the relationship work long term by keeping their powers, independent decision making, take the positive things from their husband while keep boundaries when he shows dominating behaviors. Remember! Maturity. Maturity. Maturity.

[annymation]

Any extra little facts you’d like to share about KOW? Any references you hadn’t see people mention or details you’re really proud of?

OOOOH BOY LETS GO!

YOU’VE UNLEASHED MY DESIRE TO GUSH OVER COOL STUFF IN MY STORY!!!

1. The Seven Teens Each Represent a Planet in The Solar System

Okay so this wasn’t planned initially but it was an AWESOME coincidence that I realized thanks to @uva124 making an association with Asha’s personality and the symbolism behind Saturn

Asha is someone who perseveres through adversity.

All planets have symbolisms like these, and some of them fit surprisingly well with the other 7 teens, allow me to show you:

Dahlia- Jupiter

Jupiter: Known as the planet of wisdom and expansion, Jupiter's influence extends to leadership potential and visionary thinking. A favourable Jupiter placement in the birth chart signifies optimism, generosity, and a broad-minded approach to leadership.

Dahlia is the leader of the group, besides Asha.

Gabo- Mars

This planet shares its name with the Roman god of war, so it's all about aggression, survival, and animal instinct. On the positive side, Mars helps us take action and act assertively. On the negative side, Mars can lead us into impulsive behavior.

Gabo is the most aggressive

Simon- Pluto

On the lighter side, Pluto is associated with renewal and rebirth. It represents endings and new beginnings, as well as spiritual growth and rebirth. Negative expression of Pluto is an obsessive desire for power and control and general destructiveness. A positive expression is the ability and desire to transform.

Simon went through a transformation through the story as he learned to trust himself and his friends more, and let go of his loyalty to the king. Also Pluto is no longer considered a planet, he’s the odd one out, the same way Simon is the only one who gave away his wish

Bazeema- Venus

The planet of love, romance, money, beauty, and art, your natal Venus speaks to the way you express your desires, your passions, what you value, and how you relate to and experience pleasure. It also influences how you socialize, relate to, and attract others.

This one is more so how Bazeema is very pretty and feminine in nature

Hal- Mercury

Mercury represents the principles of communication, mentality, thinking patterns, rationality/reasoning, adaptability and variability.

Hal is the one who encouraged Aster to communicate his feelings to Asha, also when they’re all getting to the castle with flying objects Asha drew, Hal was using shoes with wings on them, like Hermes, the God that represents Mercury… THAT REFERENCE IS A COINCIDENCE AS I ONLY HAD THIS IDEA TO REPRESENT EACH ONE OF THEM AS PLANETS AFTER WRITING THE WHOLE STORY LIKE- HOW?!?

Dario- Neptune

In astrology, Neptune is associated with the collective consciousness, idealism, dreams/fantasy, projections, undoing/dissolution of the status quo, evolutions, artistry, empathy, and illusion/confusion/vagueness on the way to discovering universal truths.

Dario is the most empathetic of the group and shows through his physical contact, although sometimes he can be a bit confused on what’s going on

Safi- Uranus

Uranus, the planet of sudden and unexpected changes, rules freedom and originality. In society, it rules radical ideas and people, as well as revolutionary events that upset established structures.

Safi was the one who figured out the King’s weakness was his staff, he pretty tilted the odds in their favor, giving a flame of hope to their revolution… Also he’s always sneezing like he has a cold, and Uranus is the coldest planet in the solar system so I think that’s funny.

All of this plus Asha representing Saturn gives us a pretty neat connection to astrology in this story that is ALL ABOUT astrology, stars and stuff.

Magnifico represents the sun and Amaya represents the moon, as it’s hinted in their designs by @uva124

So expect when we start designing the 7 teens they’ll have some hints to the planets they’re connected with, subtle hints of course, which will make designing them all the more fun!

2. Aster Little Catchphrase Before He Sings

So that was an idea I had since early on when writing KOW, I wanted to imply the best way Aster can express himself is through music, which builds up to At All Cost where, to me at least, the lyrics feel like someone trying their best to express their feelings but not quite sure how to, so the words and emotions all come out in a beautiful mess that is those lyrics

Now, the phrase he said in my first draft (that y’all read here on Tumblr) was “So I’ll try to explain in the best way I know how” but that phrase always felt weird to me, so in Ao3 recently I edited it to “I’ll explain my own way” WHICH FLOWS OFF THE TONGUE SO MUCH BETTER HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE???

And it fits Aster so much better since their whole thing is that the stars doubt him, but he still believes in himself and tries to grant Asha’s wish his own way! Like come on it just WORKS!

3. References I like but not sure everyone caught

Asha in the very beginning mentioned she dreamed with a someone made of light, so one could say they… Met once upon a dream ;)

Asha running down the long stairs of the palace after learning the royals secrets gives me major Cinderella running at the strike of midnight vibes, I’m disappointed in myself for not making her lose her shoe mid running then coming back to pick it up

Asha referred to her mom as a fairy when she was little, and her mom had a cloak similar to the fairy godmother, which I think it makes the reference of the cloak cuter in my opinion

There’s a scene Amaya and Mag are having a discussion and she’s talking to him while looking at herself in the mirror, she’s looking at him THROUGH the mirror, get it??? THE EVIL QUEEN AND THE MIRROR! No need to literally turn him into the magic mirror to make that reference

And these are the ones I didn’t explicitly point out that I can remember from the top of my head, honestly wish there were more

[goldenharmony]

Sweet Today is Foreshadowing (Kaguya-sama Ending Spoilers)

When fans watched Aqua’s performance on Sweet Today, there were some jokes about it foreshadowed Aqua sinking into darkness and becoming like his father, with how well he played the deranged stalker. I think its foreshadowing for the end of the manga, but not necessarily in that sense. 

Kaguya-sama: Akasaka’s Previous Work

Akasaka had the leads vaguely foreshadow the manga ending early on, using the original Kaguya tale. 

The two talk about The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter , with Kaguya mentioning how she hates the moon because it reminds her of how sadly the story ends with Princess Kaguya being separated from her lover, tying it to Kaguya’s own frustration over how the Shinomiya family controls her. However, Shirogane remarks that he would’ve realized Princess Kaguya was waiting to be rescued her when she gave her lover the immortality elixir rather than resigning to her fate of the 2 never being together again. 

The final arc has Shirogane keep his promise. When Kaguya is taken away from him, he takes the funds given to him by her brother (Kaguya-sama’s version of the elixir), and rescues her. 

Tokyo Blade

An instance of an in-universe story paralleling OnK’s real-world.

You have Akane, whose personality matches up with the losing heroine, while Kana has been implied to have a personality similar to Tsurugi, along with Tokyo Blade’s love triangle paralleling OnK’s:

Melt also related to his character:

It isn’t too farfetched to think that Sweet Today’s plot was outlined to have parallels to OnK’s story too. But instead of paralleling what was happening in the present, it was foreshadowing future events. 

Sweet Today

Aqua Falling into Darkness

This is foreshadowing for Aqua’s mental state, where everything that the stalker monologues to Sweet Today’s MC, is how Aqua will increasingly feel about himself.

“I’m not the kind of person you think I am.” 

Below, the stalker directly compares the MC to himself, is likely projecting his own feelings onto the MC and describing how Aqua feels when he finally reaches his lowest point. 

Kana is the Light

And yet, Kana will be the one to pull him out of his darkness, aligning with Akasaka’s tweet about how Kana will be one the one who brings Aqua back, as it is her character that sheds light in Sweet Today. 

Aqua is noticeably taken aback by the light emitting from Kana, before smiling to himself.

Furthermore, this scene in Sweet Today is hailed as being the most important scene of the manga, so that’s further evidence of Sweet Today’s real-world parallel being a climatic scene of OnK.

Aqua, being someone who thought that he didn’t have the right to love anyone, will finally take the first step towards his healing through Kana “bringing him back”.

With how Ruby had a huge emotional breakdown with lots of tears before she lost her dark stars, I think the reason why Akasaka didn’t have Aqua shed tears in that scene is because OnK will save them for the chapters when Aqua is finally saved.

[sailormoonsailorstars]

Helloooo mutual✨

Since you sent me an ask in reference to the fandom ask thing we reblogged, I wanted to return the chance to rant. What are some of your favorite characters/ships for tbhk, and why?? Any particular headcanons you like for them??

I hope this isn’t too vague lol, I like hearing people’s preferences for things like this :3

Hi!!!

Okay so I’m an AkaNene shipper and a lot of people don’t get that ship (they tend to think it’s a crack ship or a rare pair just made up for fun)

I personally came up with this huge adoration of the ship over one side comic and then the severance / red house arcs era (so around chapters 70-90’s)

The side comic I’m talking about is the one where Nene asked Aoi if Aoi really didn’t care about Akane’s crush on her and if she wouldn’t mind if Nene went out with him instead (it’s the one where Nene skips school for like a week because of it)

And the rest :D rubs my silly little hands together

During the severance Nene loses two very important people! One being Aoi, and the other being Hanako. And for Akane, it’s Aoi too.

I honestly think it’s really interesting to see how their relationship would blossom after chapter 72- the Terunene “date” chapter. Akane seems really angry in that chapter because Nene is indirectly why Aoi was gone. But, I think by the end of it he would be much more willing to hear Nene out.

I think they’d be each others support systems as we know Nene got depressed after the severance, and Akane probably wasn’t any better either (I’m looking at you watering can Akane official art)

They wouldn’t see each other as replacements for each others love interest- but they would see it as something to have in common and help each other over.

My hc’s for the severance period are pretty dark so if I had to think of fun AkaNene headcanons:

Whenever Nene’s really upset Akane will redirect her to watch something she really enjoys. I love the idea of Magical Girl enjoyer for Nene (projecting lol) but I think knowing her canon interests she’d be more interested in things like Madoka Magica rather than Magical Doremi/Precure/Sailor Moon 💭 Akane wouldn’t be super interested in that sort of thing but after watching it with Nene a few times he finds himself wrapped up in the lore and maybe even starts relating to Homura 😭 given the time loop based losing a crush stuff

Unlike Aoi- Nene loves rain and storms! She likes the adrenaline. As long as she’s warm and under a waterproof jacket she likes it. She’s the sort of person to lay in the grass and just let the water hit her face to me. So, sometimes if a storm starts she’ll shoot Akane a text that she’s coming over and then drags him outside to dance in the rain :D

Nene usually ends up freezing cold after this so Akane has to dry her hair off with a towel and get the space heater and blankets out. He sort of lectures her about how she needs to listen to him and be more careful, but it’s out of concern - not to be mean.

on this note of hair , Nene has thick curly hair! I like to hc that she flat irons it to try and fit in with Aoi and the others because curl care can be a night mare as someone who struggles with it. Her hair gets super frizzy sometimes and she finds it easier to just iron it. Akane tries to tell her that he likes her natural hair, and helps her comb tangles out gently. This ends up leading to her deciding to stop straightening it every day.

As we know from one of the side comics, Akane has a book shelf full of books that all have a character named Aoi in it. I think Nene would find that a little silly, but drag her interest so much that she ends up slowly reading all of them and then discussing them with Akane- like an Aoi book club 🔥

I also think that on her own Nene would probably read some crazy stuff that Akane wouldn’t exactly expect. She’d be scrolling through an e-book on her phone until Akane finally looks over and realizes she’s reading a detailed murder scene from American Psycho

Akane on the other hand would read old timey romances I think. Stuff with Princes/Knights and Princesses. I also think he’d start getting into the psych horror magical girl genre because of Nene. He’d really love watching Revolutionary Girl Utena :) I do love transfem Akane hc’s so he’d either relate to Utena because he sees himself in her and gender euphoria OR he would just see himself and Aoi in it… like having the right spirit despite it being the WLW of all time

Whenever Nene’s too busy or depressed to take care of her hamsters Akane will take over. He tells her that it’s a chore and he only does it because he loves her- but he’s secretly really attached to them and gives them silly nicknames because Nene’s given names are usually pretty extreme haha

Okay that’s a lot but I hope it’s good to read >:D I adore these two I wanna put Akane under a microscope and psychoanalyze him

[incognitotoro]

Some more people with glorious manes and a lot of eyeliner playing obsure musical instruments and headbanging.

It makes me very happy that a few of you were actually interested in the music I posted yesterday, @quintalon since IRL i don't have any metalhead friends, but I do love to talk about it, so here's a quick rec list :)

Spoiler. It wasn't quick.

Fair warning, lots of non-english speaking bands here, and also probably a lot of overlap in the artists in the bands, because them promoting their side projects would have been how I found out about them in the first place. Also, god help me, I just absolutely love weird music.

So, in no particular order.

A few more d'Artagnan songs I love:

Herzblut

We're Gonna be Drinking

BONUS: One-take singthrough of Hey Brother by lead singer in normal clothes with his man-bun. Hot in a different way but i'm here for it.

Feuerschwanz. Same singer as in d'Artagnan, probably equal amounts of serious music as absolutely absurd stuff, but stupid talented all the same. On a related note, I'll save you the trouble of translating. It means fire dick.

Some Feuerschwanz recs in order of most to least serious:

Das Herz eines Drachen

Bastard von Asgard (My personal fave, this whole album is fire.)

Dragostea Din Tei (yeah, you read that right. their covers are hysterical and numerous. see also: Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!, Ding)

Alestorm. I've been listening to these idiots since i was a teenager, so lots of examples in this one. Pirate metal, does what it says on the tin, generally very silly, kinda like the Pirates of the Caribbean music with electric guitar and A LOT of swearing. Some cool sea shanty vibes. Lots of generally good times.

Paddy and the Rats. Also vaguely piratey, I like the sound though.

Join the Riot.

Red River Prince.

Dark Side of the Moon (band, not Pink Floyd album). First Light

Russkaja. More Polka/ ska vibes than traditional folky sound, but some of the most gloriously weird music i've ever heard. Before anyone says anything, they use Soviet imagery and some Russian language, but they are and have always been hardcore anti-war, and the band members are from all over Europe.

These will both have you saying 'wtf am i putting in my ears right now?' hopefully in a good way. Shapka and Energia.

Wind Rose. Dwarf metal. Someone said that the song i posted earlier sounded like a metal band in middle earth, well these guys literally sing about Erebor and Durin and whatnot. Nerdy AF, obviously.

Saltatio Mortis. My Mother Told Me

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

The HU. Mongolian folk metal. Incredibly atmospheric.

Yuve Yuve Yu (music starts at 1 min)

Wolf Totem

I could go on, but i've tortured you all enough for one day. Rock on, my dudes.

[that-starry-freak]

Okay, wow. Uhm.. I'm honestly kind of tired of all the fandom discourse. So i- I want to talk about it.

 This is honestly about to be really personal. So CW for mentions of hypersexuality and grooming(that ones at the very end), as well as mentions of harassment and aphobia. I also vaguing a bit, but its not too explicit (I do name 2 people at some point but im defending them and talking about how they dont deserve to be harassed, so-) and I'm not talking negatively about anyone!

Also please ignore my terrible grammar/spelling. This is kind of just me ranting and in no way is meant to be an actual well written essay or anything

Okay- so- god I was writing this all in my head but now I'm trying to type this out im coming up short

Okay, lets try this- there's no way to really neatly and perfectly segway into what I want to talk about, but I'll try my best

I just really want to talk about the harassment that's been going on in the fandom. Because its really just.. frustrating.

First is the allegations of aphobia.

Yes, aroace people can be aphobic! But can we please learn the difference between projecting and aphobia. 

There are aroace people in this fandom seeing Moon and Nexus and deciding to make them not sex repulsed because they arnt. Ive seen people get called aphobic for making them demiaroace, or aceflux, or just non-repulsed aroace. And I've seen people make fics of awful acts, "correcting" their asexuality, and being purposely tagged wrong.

Which one of these is actual aphobia, hm?

Should have started with this but, yknow, it's too late for that now- ehem, 

Hi! I'm Astro, a aceflux lesbian who struggles with hypersexuality. I, personally, am actually really uncomfortable with people making Moon not aroace and shipping him, even in aus. Im uncomfortable with them even making him not repulsed most of the time. What do I do though? I dont harass people. I just don't interact with the content!

And I have no problem with people making Nexus not repulsed/aroace. Why?? Because canonical hes confused and unsure about if he's aroace or not! And I know a lot of people on the ace and aro spectrum(s), including me, can relate to that feeling. The unsureness of if you are, and even if you know you are, not knowing where you are in the spectrum. I personally love making Nexus somewhere along the lines of demi or gray, because that would add more representation! Especially with Old Moon back now, we have our repulsed rep. That doesn't mean they can't both be repulsed! I'm just saying that having another character be another side of the spectrum (whether its non-repulsed aroace, demiaroace, demiaro and alloace, etc.) Would be nice. 

Personally, I've been tempted to make an au where Nexus started experimenting with sex and it starts clogging his mind. Because I enjoy his character, and I want to project my own experiences onto his character. There's nothing wrong with it?? Self inserting into canon characters is a tale as old as time, just as old as ocs.

There is literally nothing wrong with wanting to have more representation or have a character that represents you. That isn't ace or aro phobic- i don't get how people don't understand that. I know multiple aroace people who like dating, or who are dating. I also know aroace people who just like qprs and can't stand dating. I know aroace people who have been confused and have fluctuated with their sexuality as I've known them, trying to figure themselves out. There are different types, and people want to see themselves in a character that is similar to them. Whats wrong with that?

Now, I am not defending the people who constantly are like "well aroace people can date too", completely ignoring the fact that some are repulsed. I'm not defending the people that say that whenever you mention that a character doesn't like to date because they're repulsed. I've seen it happened to people who literally have aus and are talking about their versions if the character and how they never want to date, and people say that. It's fucking annoying. And ya, pretty aphobic.

But non-repulsed aroace people saying that about their own au versions of characters isn't the same thing. Defending their headcanons of a character because it helps them better connect to it isn't the same thing- im like, so confused about how we don't understand this already??

Another this is- and I can't believe I have to say this -can we NOT fucking harass people??? Like holy shit why do I have to say this?

Yes, this includes people who support terrible things. This includes people who just don't like the same things as you. Yes, this includes people that don't like you.

Because, fun fact, that just makes the situation worse. Someone saying something bad about somebody, and then a bunch of people swarming them and telling them their wrong, isn't going to change their mind. It'll actually just make them have an even more negative view of the person.

Now, spreading awareness about a person who is actively harassing people is different. But that also doesn't mean you should see that awareness and go harass that person. Again, its going to make it worse.

Instead, report. Block. Do whatever you can to keep yourself and others safe. Please don't harass people though. Please.

And yes holy shit this includes if they ship things you don't like! Holy fuck why do I even have to say this- if you disagree with someone, block them. Don't fucking spread rumors. You fucking people keep complaining about all the discourse and then attack shippers. What the fuck?? Stop it. The ones you are attacking don't even do shit, they're just chilling. Some people Eccpecially!! I feel bad about mentioning directly, but people like @/kuuchaos and @/zthesheep (not tagging because I don want to bother them and also im a coward. Wishing them all the support in the world tho) haven't even done anything! They're just getting harassed because they're associated with people these harassers don't like.

Hell, i- who has barely done anything but support people -am terrified of getting harassed. Because I'm associated with these "big blogs", I'm at risk of being harassed. Its ruining my mental health, which was just finally getting better- its frustrating. I literally had to take a break from tumblr because I was so anxious, and I felt sick to my stomach and was shaking a bit. I just want to make friends and have fun and post art, but I'm scared of being yelled at literally becuas elf people who I associate myself with.

I know im at risk just because I'm mutuals with two of these blogs. Just because I post and reblog ship things, and reblog things from these "big blogs". Im- augh. I luckily haven't been harassed, and have blocked the harasser in question, but that doesn't stop the crippling anxiety of the fact that i may be in the future. That's not okay. Its awful that this fandom is so fucked up that people who havnt even done shit are afraid of being harassed- or are actually being harassed!

Can I remind everybody that the VAs literally asked everyone not to harass each other and to just chill out? Sure, I'm all for death of the author, but thats not what that is. You can't just take canon and use it to harass people, but completely ignore the people who made that canon. That's fucked up. Either ignore canon all together, or listen to the VAs. Either you, you have no reason to harass people.

Anyway, I hope soon we can all be a lot nicer to each other. Seriously, I dont care about disagreeing with ships. I dont even think we should all be friends, im not a fucking elementary school teacher. But I think we should all at least be respectful to each other and not literally harass and send fucking gore to people. Eccpecially fuckimg CHILDREN like im sorry whos idea was that?? Those gore anons need to be put in prison because that is one of the most disgusting things I've heard in a fandom- and I've been in some pretty horrific fandoms (*cough*dsmp*cough*)

So uhm- yeah

Please dont harass me for speaking out against harassment, like seriously. I'm not promoting harassment or aphobia, or incest or anything. Especially grooming, considering i may have been groomed by one of my friends in 3rd grade??? Idk, the more you know-

Im also not inviting an argument. Please dont argue with me, please. Or even disagree with me in reblogs or comments or tag me or anything. It may seem childish, but I instinctively want to argue back and I just want to avoid that. Please.

But yeah, let's just be decent to each other pls. Use that nifty block button more, please and thank you <3

(THIS WAS NOT REREAD OR EDITED! plus I was having extreme pain at the end cause of cramps- and I was emotional and frustrated at the beginning. So this all may be a bit incoherent/rude, but im trying

Again, please don't harass me- especially over me talking about my hypersexuality and things- its hard for me and personally <3)

[glorious-blackout]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💜

(Because I want to know your favourites!)

Awww thank you, this is such a sweet idea! 🥰 I vaguely remember doing a variation of this already, so I'll stick to some more recent fics that I'm fond of:

1) I'll See You On The Dark Side of the Moon

Shadowmonkeys Big Bang my beloved 💖 I loved taking part in that project and thanks to the deadlines I ended up living with this story for months, constantly tweaking it and trying to get it right. It's rare that I get to spend that long with one particular fic, and even though I hit a wall a couple of times while writing this, I'm still very fond of how it turned out (and @rock-n-roll-fantasy's gorgeous art was an amazing bonus).

2) You've Always Been Here

It's been almost three years since I wrote this fic and I still often find myself thinking about it. It was a ridiculously fun, self-indulgent project that gave me an excuse to fall in love with 'Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino' and fall back in love with 'Simulation Theory', and my fondness for those albums will always be tied to my memories of writing this story. It was also my first AM-related fic and if I'd never taken that step, I would never have discovered so many amazing friends and writers in this fandom 💖

3) Is This What You Wanted

Technically cheating here because this is a sequel to 'You've Always Been Here', but they're different enough that I'm counting them separately 😅

4) This Is Going To Hurt

Proof that I probably shouldn't be allowed to write sickfics because my temptation is always to send my poor victim (in this case Alex) to hospital... As much as this one fought me every step of the way, I am fond of how it turned out and it gave me an excuse to be a medical geek for five whole chapters which is always fun (for me at least).

5) Hold Each Other Close the Whole Night Through

I stand by the opinion that fluff isn't my strength, but the response to this one was lovely and I did enjoy imagining the Baby Puppets living their best lives in France 🥰

Not sure who else has received this ask so I'll tag some amazing writers instead: @rock-n-roll-fantasy, @elorianna, @yellowloid, @alexturne, @lanatural-books, @reconciledviolence729 and anyone else who wants to do it! 💜

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Nikola - part of the Magnus Monsterverse AU

What was I even truly being asked to do? Was I being used like Jonah had used me before?

I had no way to know that tonight, and I was too damned tired to think about it. And I still had to go to work.

Web Martin, I decided before I slept, was giving me a gosdamned raise.

Part of the Magnus Monsterverse AU.

AO3

------

I almost forgot about my job. 

I had a job! A job! One I’d stressed over! And I damn near missed it. I woke with my heart in my throat (whatever that meant for a man made of eyes) and sprang out of our bed so fast that I scared Martin half-invisible.

What followed was, according to the Eye, every bit as delightful as Tsukino Usagi running late for school in some anime called Sailor Moon, which I was vaguely aware existed as I scrambled around the room looking for business-worthy clothes, and by the time I was reaching for the door (stealing one more kiss from Martin, who was back to full-color, and so proud of me his cheeks were red), It had caught me up on all 18 volumes of manga and half the 200 episode series.

I didn’t really want any of that, but It was so damned happy about it that I felt bad telling It to stop. I finally did, though, when It projected to me the image of running down the street with a piece of toast in my mouth, which I absolutely would not do.

Fine, It whined, and fed me a silly science-fiction podcast following people in a space station orbiting a red dwarf star some seven and a half light years away from Earth instead.

#

This London was so different than I didn’t at first realize just where the bus was taking me.

It was just so damned quiet; no one spoke, not even in whispers; no one but me looked around, even though London was beautiful. Sort of in the way a mausoleum is, honestly: clean and stone and shadowed with ghosts of itself. I didn’t realize. I really didn’t, not until I saw we were driving past Battersea Park (Why was that the same name? How did that work?) and clocked just where we were going. 

Owlwood Library sat in Chelsea, a few blocks from the Thames. It was a lovely building on the other side of Vauxhall bridge, near the embankment. A lovely Victorian structure, red brick and white stone, four stories and two towers and hell beneath the ground.

But it could not be. This was not the same place. It could not be the same.

The bus stopped.

A few people got off. I… almost didn’t.

I couldn’t let Martin down. I couldn’t… let this chance slip away. I leaped to my feet and staggered off the bus, breathing hard, snagging everyone’s attention because I was behaving like a loon, and then had to take a moment on the sidewalk, bent over, leaning on my thighs, just trying to breathe.

For an inner ear made of eyeballs, mine did a lovely job of making the world spin 'round. It was a coincidence, I told myself. My new job just happened to be in the same building as the Magnus Institute had once been. Ha ha, so funny, someone's idea of a joke. And after all, some things were the same (and never mind the utter madness of how many things had to be coincidences to make that so), so it couldn’t be related, it could not.

Could it?

The Eye wanted to show me and… couldn't. It fizzled. Sparked. Seized up? Froze like an old-school CRT monitor, blue and flickering. What? Why would… 

The Eye didn’t do that. The Eye hardly reacted to what it saw, even with all this latest hyperactivity. The only time it ever just froze was in the face of—

Oh.

I stood slowly and looked at the building, looked at the building, LOOKED AT THE BUILDING, and saw the webs.

They were… everywhere. Everywhere. Blocking every window. Covering every door. Dangling, with little twirls as if in non-existence wind, brushing the heads and faces and unblinking eyes of every person who walked in and out of this place, and so many people did. So many. University students, mostly, but there were teenagers, and older academics, and the odd single parent looking for a good read. It was a busy place, and a happy place, and a stronghold of the Web, and I was two good, deep breaths away from just running down the street with a scream.

“Hey,” said Web Martin behind me.

I did scream as I spun. I’m sorry, Quiet London. 

“It’s okay,” said Web Martin, holding out, of all things, a cup of tea on a little saucer. “You’re all right. No need to freak out.”

I stared at him. Through him. Oh, gods. He was full of spiders.

He sighed. “Jon. I’m not your enemy. We’ve been over this.”

“Don’t you dare fake impatience with me,” I snarled.

The act dropped. He smiled, looking like Annabelle Cane’s soul in Martin’s body. “Sorry. Force of habit; disappointment was usually the best way to get you to do anything.”

Oh, heavens. “Well, that’s not me anymore,” I said with far more force than I felt.

“Please come in. I promise this isn’t a trap. We couldn’t trap you, anyway; Jon, you could literally burn this entire web to the ground if you looked at it too hard. We are the ones in danger here, not you. All right? Come in so we can talk. It isn’t safe out here.”

“Did I even earn the job on my own?” I blurted, which was the dumbest thing in the world to say.

“Did you earn the original?” he said, deadpan.

Damn. That hurt.

His apology looked real. “Sorry, Jon. Please come in. We’re trusting you.”

And I must have been mad because the next thing I said was, “You’re paying me for my damn time.”

He laughed, and I knew, knew , I’d genuinely surprised him. “Of course! You really did get hired. Come on, now, let’s go.” He offered the tea again.

It was an Earl Grey with the most delicious scent, automatically calming, positively Pavlovian, and I inhaled for a moment, eyes closed. 

The Eye was here. I was not alone. Not that It could do much to help me against the Web, but… I looked back at the building, then at Web Martin.

I looked at him. Looked. LOOKED.

He shuddered. “Wow,” he whispered. “That feels… not great?”

I’m sure it didn’t, because I saw him.

He was afraid of me, genuinely. He hadn’t lied. And filled with spiders or not, he… this was Martin.

Not my Martin, but he was Martin. He hadn’t been replaced with something else. This was genuinely him, with a different path, different choices.

My eyes pricked for a moment (yes, all of them ), and I wasn’t sure if they did in grief for the loss of the Martin I might have known, or guilt for refusing to see him as a person this long.

“Come on,” he said, relieved, because he hadn’t been sure how I’d respond (he… what? He what? ), and lead the way toward the Institute.

No, toward the Owlwood Library. Fuck.

#

It smelled exactly the same: books and cardboard boxes, cleaning material and that oddly earthy scent of old air conditioning installed in even older places. 

The carpet was different. The marble was not. The office of Elias Bouchard was now a conference room and there was no Rosie guarding it. The door to the Archives still loomed, marked, EMPLOYEES ONLY, and I could not bring myself to see what lay beyond.

“Hi, Hannah!” Martin said quietly, waving at a researcher who waved back. “Mark coming today?”

“No, not today,” she whispered in returned, and smiled.

Martin shrugged it off and lead me deeper in.

I kept blinking. Between one blink and another, I could see more webs, or none. The place was just… full, but even I could see that some books were more wrapped than others, that to touch them would be to get web on your hand.

I wasn’t sure I could do this.

“You won’t be getting any on you,” said Martin, guessing from the way my own eyes were wide and horse-panicked.

“You got me the job,” I retorted.

"We’re well aware of what you’ll do to us if we upset you,” said Martin. “This is an attempt to invite you along, not do anything to make you upset.”

“Sure.” Wait, what had he said? “Invite me along to what?”

“Truth. And then, of course, your choices.”

“Oh, and you have no investment in those, I suppose,” I muttered.

Martin did not answer me until we entered a back office—a space that had, in my time, actually been divided into study rooms for our student population. Now, it was his space; books lined the walls, and maps, and he had lovely stylized things like globes and old portraits.

I stared and a lovely Victorian portrait of an older woman in mourning clothes, smiling knowingly at the painter. Her back was straight and her shoulders were squared; she looked like she knew exactly who was staring at her face from across time, and knew she could out-think them. “That… who is that?”

“Johanna Owlwood,” said Martin, “who founded this library in 1818 as part of a Cesarean outreach to the underprivileged who lacked the means for higher education.”

Cesarean. There was a whole bucket of nonsense I’d yet to upend. The Roman Imperial Cult was what lasted in this world, though it still ended up spreading Latin and Greek throughout, and—

“Have a seat, please. Let’s get your orientation out of the way,” said Web Martin.

“Wait a moment. Are you my boss?” I blurted.

Web Martin grinned.

“Oh, that’s simply unfair,” I said, trying to joke, and sat.

“Now, the pay rate and benefits are exactly as you saw in the paperwork you signed,” he said.

I hadn’t made it here the other day, though. “I didn’t sign any—”

Martin slid unsigned paperwork across, and I suddenly understood this was one of those conversations: time was a construct, and all that mattered was crossing and dotting appropriate letters.

“Fine,” I said, taking a moment to read it over.

“However, we’d hoped to discuss something that isn’t in your list of official duties,” said Web Martin.

“Out with it,” I said.

“You know something is wrong with this world.”

I sighed. “Nikola said so, yes.”

“The other Nikola. Would you like to question the other-other Nikola?”

“The… the one who’s imprisoned somewhere?”

“Yes.” 

I sighed. “Look. I understand you have the need to make things complicated. I remember what it was like to talk to Annabelle. But I also know you can understand me when I say this: my tolerance for nonsense is, right at this moment, nearly as low as it ever has been.”

“Yes, we—”

“ No, you don’t understand,” I said. “I want straight answers. Simple. Clear. Few syllables. No trickery, no leading questions.”

Web Martin studied me for a long moment. I had the strangest impression; like gears made of web, turning in some colossal and complex machinery too intricate for me to understand. “All right,” he said. “I’ll try.”

We’d see. “I’m listening.”

“A god rules this world. It’s not a good god; it’s a cold god, and cruel. We believe it’s Eye-related.”

“Why?”

“Because it has so far seen, with complete clarity, every plan we’ve attempted, every investigation, and every try to get away from its influence.”

“That sounds aggressive,” I said, using the first word that came to mind. “The Eye doesn’t do that. It’s passive.”

“We said Eye-related for a reason.”

“And you intend for me to do… what, exactly?”

“An Eye cannot see itself,” said Web Martin. 

“Uh-huh.” I crossed my arms.

“We believe you can uncover what’s really going on and help us to stop it.”

“What is it doing that’s so terrible?”

He tilted his head. 

I pushed. I already knew the answer on some level, but I pushed. “London, at least, is clean and quiet. Crime rates are incredibly low. Tell me what’s so horrible about it all.”

“Guilt, Jonathan Sims,” said Web Martin, who had not blinked at all since agreeing to be honest with me. “It rules the world with guilt. Didn’t you know?”

I did.

I… I truly did. It wasn’t fear; but it was like the fear, driving things, controlling things, forcing people into boxes not meant for their size. It compressed human beings into shapes not right, sucked out joy, bled away hope.

Guilt.

And the moment—the moment —I forgave people, that god of guilt lost its grip on them.

Crew. The Distortion. Martin. Tim.

This wasn’t possible. Shouldn’t be; my word should not be enough to counteract whatever this other force had going. “The whole world?”

“Yes.”

I realized I was wringing my hands and stopped. “Only the one guilt-god? It’s not… there aren’t other cruel gods?”

“Oh, the Fears are here,” said Web Martin, “along with the quiet scents of the ones your Gerry disbelieved—love, mercy, all those things. But they’re balanced . They are as they should be; merely higher up the food chain, neither depleting nor depriving, simply existing as all things do. But this… this throws it all out of whack. We can’t feed as we ought. We are starved; and the fact is, Jon, that’s putting our patrons in… something of a bad position.”

I stared at him. “Will they die if they starve?”

“No. They’ll go mad and devour the world, is what they’ll do.”

He was right. Oh, gods. He was right. I knew it. Felt it. “But… all the other rescued avatars don’t seem to be starving.”

Web Martin’s smile wasn’t kind. “Well, that’s because—in spite of misunderstandings—our patrons do take good care of us. As long as we feed them, we who represent are cared for. Even though they are not receiving enough, we do. But that can’t last forever.”

When I’d told him to be blunt, I hadn’t expected this. “So you’re asking me to help undo something the Web can’t figure out.”

“We don’t need understanding, Jon. We need sight. That’s your department.”

“Why not ask someone else? Gerry, or…” But there were precious few people of the Eye here, weren’t there? Precious few. “Did Manuela avoid rescuing people connected to the Eye?”

“They don’t survive. Something destroys them while she brings them in.”

I stared. “What?”

“It’s quite awful. They’re torn apart, or… well. They tear themselves apart, is what it seems like to us.”

“Tear themselves apart?”

“As you very nearly did.”

I… had. Shame over what I was, what I had done. If not for Martin... “This isn’t what I expected.”

“You asked for bluntness.” Web Arthur shrugged. “Unlike Annabelle, I actually know how to do that when needed.”

“Can’t whatever this thing is see us now? Didn’t it see your machinations to provide me with gainful employment?”

Web Martin started giggling again. “Machinations.”

I sputtered. “Well, it’s accurate!”

“No, no, you’re correct, you just… manage to put such nefariousness into the word. Adorable.” He kept chuckling.

I glared denial. “Can you tell me anything else?”

“Ah, let me see.” He wiped his eyes. “Yes. There’s something of a resistance? It all has to be carefully done, since… well, being watched is unavoidable; but the thing is that this god, whatever it is, seems limited to guilt. Those who have slipped the yoke, as it were, can be recaptured, but if they manage to fight it off, they can be useful.”

“Do they know they’re part of a resistance?” I said, dry.

“Some of them,” he said with that still-surprising honesty. “Of course, they all think it has something to do with Manuela and Leitner.”

“Does it?”

“I don’t know.” Web Martin shrugged. "The Spider can’t really work with them, you see. They simply don’t react as predicted; they aren’t mappable. We have not been able to pull a single thread to get them to do anything with great effect. Are they working for this guilt-god? We don’t know. Is Sasha? We don’t… think so, though she’s certainly unintentionally complicit.”

“She believes guilt keeps us safe,” I said slowly.

“An effective lie, isn't it?” Web Martin shrugged magnificently. “Is there anything else? I have a nine o’clock I really have to take.”

I stared. “You have to tell me more than that.”

“We don’t know more than that. We have guesses, but nothing proven. Do you really want speculation?”

“I…” Blast. “Maybe?”

“Not yet, I think,” said Web Martin. “You’ll get overwhelmed. As it is, you have to put in a full day of work.”

Dear lord, was this happening?

“Oh,” he said. “I’d suggest trying to meet with Nikola tonight. She won't last much longer, now that her original is gone. Since you can portal, you can do that.”

“But I don’t know where she…” Except I did. Manuela’s mountain. 

“If you come up with specific questions—”

“Which I will.”

“—then we will answer,” said Martin. “But there is the fear that giving you too much information will send you on some… damned crazy crusade.”

“Nonsense,” I said.

“We can’t really afford any broken tables, Jon,” said Web Martin almost gently. “Not this time.”

Oh, ouch. “Oh, there’s the manipulation,” I drawled. “Wondered where that went.”

He smiled like the sun rising, and absolutely conjured the feel of spider legs tickling under my skin. “Good luck.”

“Wait a minute. What am I even doing?”

“Today, it’s simple: go around the place, all four floors; find the carts with returned books on them. Return the books.”

“Don’t they need to be… logged, or something?”

“In a normal library, yes, but not this one.”

I sighed. “And for this, I’m being paid a livable wage?”

“You can actually shelve any book in the place without getting entangled. Quite frankly, you could ask for more.”

“Maybe I will ,” I said.

“Maybe you should,” he said, and smiled like the sun.

Someone knocked on the door. “Mister Blackwood? Your nine o’clock is here.”

“Thank you!" he called. "And thank you, Jon,” said Web Martin.

“Don’t thank me. I know you’re just tugging heartstrings again.”

“Maybe, but I do mean it. Good luck.”

#

Good luck , as it turned out, meant, Those carts are old and the wheels don’t work well and you’re going to have a time trying to steer them places.

I checked, too. The wheel brakes weren’t on. They were just… I don’t know.  Maybe designed to move according to the will of the Web, or something, and my presence apparently cut that off.

I looked up books and shelved them, relying on the Eye to give me the Dewey Decimal information so I wouldn’t have to continually go back downstairs to the card catalog (which was not digitized, and I couldn’t decide if that made me happy or annoyed). 

It was pleasantly mindless work. I have always loved the feel and smell of books, and as the ones I touched were mysteriously web-free, I got to enjoy them.

I got lost a couple of times reading a book before putting it away. You know. On the clock, because the Web can go to hell.

How  much of what Web Martin said was true?

All of it , the Eye assured me, but that didn’t help. I knew the Eye was thinking in absolutes; not in shades of color, in the angle of a lie. This was not a true/false scenario. This had dimensions. I just wasn’t sure what they were.

The Web was the Web; the Spider couldn’t change her nature, so I knew this hadn’t been completely blunt. But… I think it was about as blunt as she could manage. The question was what to do about it. Who was this resistance? What on earth could they accomplish, given they could not go unseen? What were they resisting, anyway? Feeling bad?

Why hadn’t Gerry been invited? What the hell was I going to say to Nikola in an hour?

I felt stupid today. I’m sure it had absolutely nothing to do with being exploded at and impaled last night, not to mentioned helped by an iteration of my worst enemy. No, I’m sure all of that was totally incidental.

The Eye began feeding me internet programming about mental health and what stress does to the body. Yes, thank you. I don’t have a body. I have eyes in a sack. Thank you. I’m… I’m good now. Thanks.

It switched to “reality” programming following couples around who kept secrets from each other. Oh, what the hell? What? 

We weren’t keeping secrets from each other. Fuck that noise.

(Or at least, I wasn’t.)

(I knew he wasn’t, either. Come on.)

I finished my shift and checked in with Web Martin. He handed me some paperwork to take home, an unbelievably fake smile, and a cursory good night.

It was getting dark out. I texted Martin: Want me to pick anything up?

Just you , he typed. Then a moment later, That didn’t come out right

I laughed, walking on a rapidly darkening street, phone in hand. I’ll see what I can do about that.

He sent a few emoji which were not public safe, and I walked with a grin and heated cheeks. What ridiculousness!

I had a lover, and he was… he really cared for me. That hadn’t happened before, any of it. I’d been friends with some cuddling with Georgie, but nothing like this. Even then, she’d… well. She’d liked me. She’d trusted me, which I managed to destroy completely; but she hadn’t really… enjoyed spending time with me?

I irritated her. My rants. My little obsessions. My... well. Neurodivergence, I suppose.

That thought took a lot of introspection. It seemed I didn't annoy Martin by just being me, and that in and of itself was more of a miracle than gods or monsters or any damn thing.

I needed to keep him safe. If Web Martin was right, and I had a unique chance to figure out what was going on with this world…

Oh, shit. I’d freed Martin from its grip. Was he in danger?

I stopped walking. It had grown dark enough that street lights littered the sidewalk with circles of dimness, and I really needed to get to the bus stop and go home.

Or.

Or.

Or, I could spy—which I hadn’t done yet—and see if Manuela was out of her mountain so I could go speak to Nikola.

Manuela had security in place; I remembered that. But I wondered if she’d thought to put it in the cell where Nikola was locked away.

Was I really thinking this? Making a plan to appear in close quarters with a monster who had actively tried to skin me?

I was thinking this. I focused.

The Eye showed me her cell, and it was through her own eyes. Looking down at her plastic body, at the rags she’d been permitted; at the nothing that was her day, a completely empty space apart from a single board attached to the wall like some godsdamned cowboy prison. 

Nikola had fake moonlight. High on the wall apart from the door was a barred window opening to nothing—into the mountain—but it had light coming through it, aping the outside.

Why had Manuela done that? Enrichment was clearly not a thing. Why had—

The Eye… showed me: it is a mockery of hope. A mockery of the outside she’d never see again, a mockery of real life she would never feel on her skin, day and night changing place without seam, a reminder of what she would never be given as long as they deemed her unsafe.

Nikola was starving. And I was thinking of hurling myself into that cell. Was I really going to do this?

I looked for Manuela. She was at home, watching Brother Love season two, wrapped in a robe, holding a mug of hot chocolate.

Great. Now I felt bad for betraying her by doing this. 

I need Manuela not to see this, I thought.

The Eye responded with one simple image: the lanky, slumping, teenage form of Callum Brodie. 

There was an idea. First… I had to go home.

#

“Yes, I have his number,” said Martin, my Martin, who was so much better than Web Martin that I could just crawl into his clothes while he was wearing them and kip for a month.

“I need to talk to him.”

“Tonight?” Martin was baffled. The containers of Thai he’d picked up for us sat on the counter, opened and steaming.

“Yes.”

“Well.” He blinked. “All right.” He handed me his phone.

It was impossible not to catch glimpses of his texts. 

Michael D. Apology already given and we

Mike C. Sure we can meet up how about the

Peter L. Anytime.

I forced myself to stop peeking and click the compose icon. (He obviously wasn’t hiding anything. He’d just literally handed me his phone, for crying out loud.)

Callum, this is Jonathan Sims. I apologize for using Martin’s phone to reach out to you, but I don’t have your number. If it’s all right, I need a favor this evening. Please let me know if you’re available. Thank you. -JS

Martin took it back, stared, and started giggling. “Really? Format grammar and everything. Jon, it’s text. ”

“It’s an introduction,”I said, just a bit defensively. “I have to make the right impression.”

“Oh, Jon. You’re ridiculous,” he said so warmly, so gently, and kissed my cheek.  

“Ew?” said a cracking teenage voice to my right, and I jumped.

Callum Brodie stepped out of the shadows.  Just out of the shadows, completely invisible to me, and then not, and I had a badly frightened moment that must have shown on my face, because he laughed. “Shouldn’t’ve been snogging, then, you didn’t want to get scared.”

“Take the piss out of someone else,” said Martin mildly. “Callum, this is Jon. Jon, Callum.”

“Hi,” I said, unable to see inside him, able to see him with anything but my very human eyes, and it was so very strange. I hadn’t just used my two basic eyes for so long, and hadn’t even realized it. He almost didn’t seem real. Flat, like a cardboard cutout of himself. “I have a favor to ask.”

“What do I get out of it?” he said.

“Um. What do you want?” I said.

“Way to bargain, Sims,” said Martin, the corners of his mouth curled.

“Oh, shut up. What do you want, Callum?”

He studied me. “Money.”

“Oh. I just got a job today.”

“Not that kind of money. A lot of money.”

“I’m not… robbing a bank for you , or something.”

Callum stared at me. Then he looked at Martin, eyebrows raised.

Martin shrugged, wearing a beatific smile.

Callum looked back. “I want you to find me things . Things only Eye-guys can see. Not robbing people. I’m not stupid.”

“I… don’t understand what you’re…”

“Lost treasure. Missing things. Overlooked paintings. Things like that.”

I scratched my head. “How are you going to handle provenance?”

“Not your concern, Pupil Boy.”

Martin lost it, just for a moment. “I am so calling you that.”

“Don’t you dare,” I said back, equally unserious. 

“You’ll do it?” said Callum.

I checked with the Eye. “Looks like it’s possible,” I said. “All right. I suppose so, but not open-ended. Three things.”

“Sure,” said Callum, who clearly thought he’d gotten the better end of the deal (and probably had), and then said what they all say: “I killed you in my world.”

“Yes, yes,” I said.

“You tried to see through the dark, and you couldn’t. It ate you.”

“I think you mean one of the things inside it ate me,” I said, pedantic. “One of the lightless beasts, or whatnot.”

“No,” he said with a little shrug. “The Dark ate you. Really enjoyed it, too. Gave me a real boost.”

“Oh,” I said.

A deeply awkward pause… happened.

“Callum,” said Martin, chiding gently.

“Fine,” said Callum. “What do you  need?”

“I need Manuela Dominguez not to notice that I am visiting her special lab in the Alps.”

“Done,” he said.

I blinked. “What do you  mean, done? It can’t be done already.”

“It’s done. What, you think I don’t know where she is? You think I don’t know how to hide something stupid like a visitor from her system?” Callum said.

I stared at him. “You’re… efficient.”

“I fucking destroyed my world. Yeah. Efficient’s the word,” said Callum. “Four things. For being rude.”

Martin chortled.

I could sort of see why. Callum was abrasively winning, somehow. Bleh. “Sure. Four things.”

Callum smiled. Like a shark. “Do whatever you gotta do. I’ll keep you out of sight the whole time you’re there.”

“Thank you.” I kissed Martin quickly.

“Ew,” said Callum, who watched eagerly nonetheless.

“Be careful,” said Martin. 

“I will make sure we’re safe,” I said, nuzzling him once.

Then I opened a portal and stepped through.

#

I made it sound so easy. Opened a portal and stepped through. As if it didn’t involve narrowing my mind, opening my gaze; somehow seeing across hundreds of miles and through a mountain of solid stone that had supposedly been protected against this very thing. As if it didn’t involve telling reality to open, to part, to fold so that I could step from my London flat into her Switzerland lab. I couldn’t explain how I did this if my life depended on it, and it frightened me, because what if I couldn’t hold on to this instinctive skill?

The fear made it stronger, of course, and faster than I was ready for, I’d arrived. And oh, gods, I couldn’t see shit.

Okay. Okay; no, I could see, but the same way I saw Callum: strange, two-dimensional. It felt like I could only move in one direction across a flat plane.

Her door skewed, a trapezoid, but I found my way to it, reached through it somehow (don’t think about it, Sims), and walked inside.

Nikola Orsinov was deeply startled to see me.

Oh… oh, she was not well. Her feet and hands had both been melted off; there was no paint left on her, anywhere. The ringmaster's uniform was shreds of red, unrecognizable on her mutilated manikin body. 

In spite of all that, her shock was palpable. She sat up, joints creaking, plastic squeaking. “Archivist?” she said in a broken-music box voice.

This wasn’t right. She was being tortured. This was… inhumane. This was monstrous. I didn’t care what she had done. This was…

I had to be out of my mind. “I know you’re a copy.”

We were still for a long moment, she and I, staring—one without eyes, the other whose sight was flattened by the Dark.

“She told you,” said Nikola.

“Yes. I’m here to find out what you know about guilt.”

 “Are you? That’s lovely! I don’t believe you.”

Of course she didn’t. “What have they done to you in here?” I said.

“You, the arbiter of that which exposes, which sees and reveals, wish to learn about guilt?” she said, and her laugh was terrible. It sounded like ping pong balls rattling together, as if they’d been dropped down the stairs.

“I’m hoping I can stop it,” I said.

Nikola could not stare. She had no eyes—but that which was within her could most certainly see. I found myself pinned, peered through, seen by that which must see clearly in order to erase and replace it with itself. I was… this was…

This was a god , and anyone who’d called me one was full of shit.

“I see,” said Nikola. “You think you can restore the balance? You?” She stood.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t… even think. Felt like I was held in a hand made of knives, and it hadn’t skinned me yet, hadn’t pierced, but with the slightest twitch, it could.

She stopped in front of me, pretending to see, letting the other see. “You could, I think… but might it be more fun not to let you?” Her stump pressed into my chest and

fingers she had fingers though they were not visible

They pressed into my skin, and—“I’m torn, Archivist. I’m so very hungry, and you’re right here, and delightfully afraid. It’s like you’re a little Cornish pasty, steaming and ready!”

For one second, just one, she had me. Terror—a lifetime of it, before my bizarre millennia floating in nothing—settled into all its familiar place, refitting its fingerprints to the bruises it gripped into my soul.

The Eye showed me Martin.

A glimpse, lying beside me in our small bed, too close, smiling in the morning light; sleepy-eyed, utterly relaxed, mine.

Oh, fuck this creature. “ Don’t touch me ,” I said, and I don’t know where it came from or how it worked, but it thrust her away with the same trembling force my forgiveness.

But this was not forgiveness.

Nikola cracked back from me into the wooden board that was her bed and collapsed there, limbs askew, clacking and creaking and inhuman. She laughed.

And then from her issued a… sense. Sentence? Communication that was not in words.

Maybe you can do it

She didn’t say those words. That which looked through her at me said those words. The godsdamned Stranger itself regarded me, and Nikola stood down. “She would never tell you to ask me,” she said, stolen voice box creaky like her limbs. “I take it she is dead.”

“Yes. She’s dead.” 

And this Nikola’s whole form… shuddered , making a sound like a failing bridge. “So then it's done! I am no longer needed.”

She was falling apart. “I need information!” I snapped. “What, you’re going to just… die?”

“How can I die when I’ve never been alive, Archivist? What funny things you say,” she said, and I—

could see

Exactly where she was being held together, and the threads of unreality were being pulled away, and I

held

them fast.

That which looked through her unpainted face groaned.

“Tell me what you know, Nikola Orsinov,” I commanded.

“It controls,” she moaned, “needs to control… to keep all… where it thinks they belong. It does not allow… chaos. ”

What?

Oh.

Oh… that made… sense to me.

Sense in a horrible way, sense in a way I did not want, like feeling the beauty of the Vast, or the joy of the Distortion, or the relief of the Lonely. Keeping it quiet, keeping it shamed , meant no one would do the worst things, or very few would. It meant saving people. It meant calm.

But was that actually saving anyone?

No. It wasn’t. I knew that. Saving them at the expense of their joy was not saving them at all.

It was becoming hard to hold Nikola together. “Do you want to live?” I asked her.

“I don’t live, silly Archivist,” she said.

“Answer me.” I could make her do that.

She shuddered, rattled. “I want to be released from this form. I won’t truly die, Archivist—but I can be untrapped.”

Fuck Manuela for doing this. This wasn’t right. I don’t care what Nikola did, how many lives she’d taken; we were supposed to not be the monsters here. “I release you,” I said. “And… I forgive you, too.”

She fell apart. Clattering, legs rolling under the board, arms plonking to the ground and rocking just for a moment. Her head rolled all the way to my feet, where it landed, looking up at me.

Impossibly, there was some paint there, after all. I’d swear it was a smile.

I don’t know what I did, by doing that. Maybe I made things bad. I don’t care. This hadn’t been right, and I…

I was angry .

I opened a portal and stomped back home.

#

Martin and Callum both did a double-take and stared.

“It’s done,” I said.

“Jon?” said Martin as if unsure.

Great. What was wrong now? “Of course, Jon. Why? Do I look like someone else? Did the fucking Stranger…”

“Jon, you’re glowing,” Martin said.

“I… think… uh,” said Callum. “You’ll pay when you can, probably.” He took two steps back and into the Dark and was gone.

I looked down at myself. I wasn’t glowing. “What?”

“Jon, you… you look radioactive.”

And suddenly it hit me. Sometime during that time in Nikola’s cell, I’d adapted to the Dark. seen in three dimensions; seen fully, comfortably, no longer restricted by whatever Callum cast over us.

Damn. I’d done it again. “Glowing?”

Martin nodded.

I tried to stop doing that. “Still?”

Martin nodded.

I waved my hands. “Fuck!” I declared.

Martin took a step. “You’re warm,” he whispered.

“Warm!” I said the word like it offended me.

He stepped closer, and very, very carefully, reached to touch my hand.

Immediate relief. I hadn’t known I was hot, hadn’t known I was burning up like an underground fire, but I was; and from him, coolness, relief, isolation spread over my skin like a healing balm, and I welcomed it.

I could have fought him fought the Lonely's kiss, but why? For a moment, I was all alone, alone in the world, in an ocean of mist and silence, and it was bliss.

Then I was in his arms, trembling, knees weak. “Oh,” I whispered.

“I’ve got you,” he said. “Doused it. Whatever it was. Don’t know how, but… but it worked.”

It worked because I’d wanted it to. Oh, gods. I clutched him, feeling weak as a kitten. “She’s dead. The fake. Died as soon as she knew the original was gone.”

“So you didn’t get a lot of answers, did you?” he said.

“No,” I sighed. “I didn’t even get to learn how the original Nikola got here.”

ALWAYS HERE , the Eye told me.

Sure. That made sense.

“Come on,” he said. “Full day of work, running around inside of mountains, blowing up enemies… I think you’ve done enough, yeah?”

I laughed. “When you put it that way.”

I let him drag me to the bathroom, washing off the grime, the sweat, the workplace . I let him take me to the living room, where I sat on the sofa like a dropped shirt, limp and barely awake, and let him feed me leftover curry.

He made a fuss over the fingertip bruises on my chest, where Nikola had pushed in, somehow. I hardly cared about them.

I cared about him. “Too good to me,” I kept mumbling.

“Oh, hush,” he mumbled back, and got me to bed.

I was exhausted. I had to do most of this again tomorrow? Somehow? Why in blazes had I gotten a job, again?

Martin was already out, eyelashes moving with his dreams, breathing softly.

What was I even truly being asked to do? Was I being used like Jonah had used me before?

I had no way to know that tonight, and I was too damned tired to think about it. And I still had to go to work.

Web Martin, I decided before I slept, was giving me a gosdamned raise.

[secondsonaym]

The Vessel Project - Retreat [Shamura 2]

(read on Ao3 here)

-------

“Mind your step, dear.”

The passageway had descended deep into the ground, far past what I assumed was the ground floor of the temple. Much like the chamber above it, there were no lights to guide the way, though that at least made sense--There was little point in burning torches for areas that had hardly any foot traffic.

But once we reached the bottom, Hecate made her way along the wall, picking up something from the vague shape I could just barely make out as a console. She raised her hands to the brazier above it, and with a few scrapes, set it alight with the flint she had picked up.

This lit up the room with a warm orange glow, and as she made her way to a few other braziers, I took the opportunity to look around. It wasn’t a particularly large space, perhaps no bigger than Lady Raziel’s office, but every inch of it seemed to have been made use of.

Various yellowing papers had been fixed to the walls, cabinets on the far end of the room were filled to the brim with all manner of things, and even the large table in the center was cluttered with papers, dried plants and vegetables, cooking utensils, and… weapons? There was also a sizeable cauldron standing in the center of the surface, embellished with the same swirly decoration that signified its relation to Lady Raziel’s sect.

“There, that should do us for now.” Hecate hummed as she lit the last light. “Come have a seat, Mury.”

I sat down on one of the stools, and my mother took the one opposite to me, folding her arms on the table. I could tell, just by looking, that she was conflicted about something. She wanted to be casual and calm, as she always was when we were alone, but something in Lady Raziel’s letter must have prevented her from doing so.

“Where to begin…” She sighed, habitually tapping her fingers on the table’s surface. I had always found the rhythm to be a soothing sound--an audible indication of thought, as it were.

“Perhaps you can tell me what the ‘Venom of the Moon’ is?” I prompted. Sometimes when she was having trouble, I would toss her a question or two to get her reoriented. 

“Ah, but that in itself isn’t clear-cut.” She admitted, though smiled all the same. “For it is technically… Multiple things. It is a group, and it can be any individual from that group… And, of course, it is an actual venom as well.”

Well, that at least got the ball rolling. Hecate was not like Lady Raziel--she wasn’t an avid secret-keeper. That isn’t to say she never had secrets, but her main philosophy was that no knowledge should be kept hidden, especially if it was asked for directly. 

Whenever I asked her something, she had always given me an answer, be it the actual truth or her best guess about it, and usually prompted me to do my own research after explaining the latter. 

“Let’s start with the group.” She then said, tenting her upper arms. “As you know, the sects of the Old Faith don’t exactly mesh together very well, and in fact see each other as enemies. Well, Lady Raziel prefers to strike directly, should the other sects become a threat to Her own.”

That definitely made sense. Not far from the temple was a place where warriors trained in Her name, to fight for Her when She needed them to. There had never been any full-blown wars, but hardly a month went by without some new territorial dispute.

“Well, at times there are individuals that Lady Raziel wishes to target specifically, and take care of… covertly.” Hecate continued. “Thus, a few centuries ago, She founded what became known as the Venom of the Moon, a group of assassins hand-picked by Her.”

I felt my jaw drop a little bit, dumbfounded at this reveal. Though I could see the logic behind Lady Raziel’s actions, the idea of a secret group of assassins seemed… Well, downright fantastical. It didn’t exactly line up with the teachings of her sect, either. 

War is loud with drum beats,

Screams, the clashing of blades,

Silence only falls when the last blow echoes,

And the fields grow still with the bodies they claim.

A passage from Her scripture. Silence implies peace, which is not to be trusted. To approach matters through the likes of assassins, felt too… cowardly.

But even though this detail bothered me, my young mind instead focused on something else. The only way my mother could have possibly know this was--

“Do you mean to say you’re part of the Venom of the Moon?” I asked.

Hecate smiled again, though it was tired and heavy. 

“One of its last members, in fact. Desiree, Theodore, and Gerard were also part of it. Your parent was, too, but after they were killed on a mission, it sort of… Destabilized us. I believe the death of Gerard reminded Lady Raziel that we are not as long-lived as Her, so She wishes to start it again with new blood.”

“She’s quite set on putting a weapon in my hands.” I mumbled, more to myself than anything.

“Hm? Something the matter, Mury?”

“N-No, just thinking out loud.”

She stared at me for a moment, as if debating whether or not to press me, but then decided not to, and resumed her explanation.

“I’ve no idea if Lady Raziel wishes to include the other disciples, though it would not be an unfair assumption. I’m sure Theodore and Desiree will convene with me at some later point if this is to be the case, but for now, we will follow Lady Raziel’s instruction and hone your skills separately.” 

It was then that she rose from the table, moving to one of the jam-packed shelves and looking over the books that rested on it. Only a moment later did she pick up a slim book bound in red cloth, turning back and flipping through the pages.

“As for the actual venom of the Venom of the Moon, that is the specific aspect of your training Lady Raziel has asked me to focus on.”

She stepped back and tapped the rim of the cauldron, the metal ringing out at just the faintest touch. “It’s been my understanding that the group has always had at least one spider in it at all times, due to our natural abilities. Other species can make venom, sure, but spiders seem to have a natural proclivity for the customization of their own.”

“But I haven’t started developing my venom yet.” I said, sitting up a bit. My eyes were wide with interest all the same, and I tapped at one of my fangs for a moment. 

“Never to early to learn the fundamentals, I always say.” Hecate laughed, now sitting back down. “You’ll know what to expect, and can perhaps get a head start on honing your abilities.”

She slid the book in my direction, and I could now see up close just how old and worn it was. Most of the front pages were wrinkled, the ink close to fading into illegibility, while further into the volume, more recent writings were visible. With my quick skimming, I figured this was a collection of notes on the various aspects of spider venom, using the writers’ own samples for reference.

“Viscosity, acidity, potency, soporific quality… Even taste?” I listed out, seeing the various ratios between venom samples carefully plotted out. Whoever had started the standard for these records certainly knew what they were talking about.

“In time, you’ll be able to personally adjust these aspects of your venom at will.” Hecate offered, beaming. “Everyone has their personal default, but with practice, you can fine-tune and make venom to better suit your needs.”

“So what’s yours like, normally?” I asked, peeking over the pages.

“You’ll find it in there somewhere.” She assured me, gesturing to the book. “Everyone who contributes to the actual venom of the group is required to write the details of their personal strain down--you’re only allowed to use your default, after all.”

I was tempted to flip through to the end of the book to try and find her entry, but restrained myself. I assumed that I would be expected to study this over time, so it was important I took my time with its contents.

“And what are the specifics of… The venom of the Venom of the Moon?” 

“It is a cache of the combined venom of every spider that has been in the group.” She said simply. “New venom is added every now and then to keep up its potency, and the mixing of the various strains creates something strong and unique. It has been kept up since the founding of the group, so what we have now is certainly strong on its own… But, well, tradition and all that.”

She took hold of the top of the book and gently pushed it down, before taking hold of one of my hands. The mood then shifted, and her patient smile showed so much more of the weariness she had been hiding.

“Mury, I think I should be upfront and tell you… I am not without my own mixed feelings about this. It’s this group that, in essence, led to the death of your parent. It’s to be expected, one could say, and I will not deny, but… You’re taking your first steps into the unpredictability of life. I could not be more proud of you, and yet… I could also not be more scared.”

All I could do was stare at her, this candid expression making me pause. My mother had always been honest to me about things--Honesty is an inherent facet of knowledge, after all--but for the first time, I could sense some sort of weight behind her words.

Was she worried that I would end up the same as my parent? Though I personally felt no pain from their loss, I knew she carried her own pain, and did her best to keep it from slipping through the cracks. 

She then cupped my cheek in one of her hands, looking into my eyes with a gaze that was… Heavy. Heavy, sad, and tired, all at once.

“Promise me something, Mury. Should you ever feel torn between what’s best for others, and what’s best for yourself… Please, be selfish. Do not let obligation stagnate you.”

I stared back at her for a long time, fur slowly starting to stand on end. Why would I ever be put in such a position? And the way she said ‘others’ made it seem like she spoke of the rest of Lady Raziel’s order… But why would I ever choose to go against them?

But, for once in my life, I swallowed these questions, and simply gave my response.

“Yes, mom.”

---------------------------------------

Hecate and I spent a couple of hours going over the basics of spider venom, and what I could expect as the first signs that my own would be developing soon.

“Usually, the first sign is a numb tongue.” She had said, gesturing to her own. “Perhaps even a bit of queasiness. The body isn’t inherently immune to its own venom, and needs a bit of time to get used to it. This adjustment period typically isn’t more than a week or so.”

Eventually, however, she had imparted all she wished to for our first lesson, and released me to go do as I pleased.

As much as I would have liked to look over the record book that I was now granted custody of, I refrained from returning to my room for some reason. I believe at that time, my thoughts had returned to Polly, and I had been curious to see if Theodore had indeed freed himself up fairly quickly.

But as I stepped out into the main chamber of the temple, my attention was drawn to the sound of voices, and when I reached the center of the room, the owners of said voices came as no real surprise to me.

Standing on the mosaic that just earlier that evening had been slick with blood, were Ian, Cindy, and high priestess Desiree.

Desiree was a serene-looking mantis, who also happened to be Ian’s mother. She usually busied herself with organizing sermons and serving as an assistant to both Lady Raziel and my mother, though I had also heard she had some experience in the magical arts.

She was of a non-committal nature, as even when the two younger individuals in front of her continued to shout, she merely stared at them, as if waiting for them to tired themselves out.

“Is something the matter?” I found myself asking, approaching the group.

It is only then that Ian and Cindy paused in their argument, shooting me looks as venomous as the entries in the book I held. 

“None of your business.” Ian scoffed, before looking to his mother. “Mom--High Priestess, please explain to Cindy that I take priority, being both older than her and more important.”

“OH, SO YOU’RE JUST OUTRIGHT STATING YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER NOW, HUH?” Cindy screeched, her bat vocal cords creating a pitch that made everyone else reflexively wince. “I’ve had SHIT all to do since Gerard died, now you’re telling me that the second I have something fall into my lap, I’ve gotta sit to the side for even LONGER?”

“Patience is a virtue, Cindy.” Ian said, in a tone that oozed mockery. “Anyone who expects a war to be won in a day is a fool, remember?”

“SHUT UP!”

“Hello, Shamura.” Desiree said calmly, ignoring the other two as they went back to their fight. “How was your lesson with Hecate? From the looks of it, she’s given you homework.”

She let out a gentle laugh as she gestured to the book in my hands, which I instinctively hugged closer to my chest.

“Something like that, yeah.” I said with a nod. “But, um, what are these two arguing about?”

Desiree sighed, before extending her arms and setting a hand on their heads, making both of them stop speaking in their confusion and look to her.

“I had been in the middle of something when they had initially approached me, but now that I am free, a predicament has arisen.” She explained. “Lord Raziel has requested I handle their training separately for now, and there’s only so much time left in the night, so I was trying to decide who to address first. Do I give priority to my own son, the eldest, or do I allow Cindy some attention, due to her recent loss…”

“High Priestess, please.” Cindy urged. “I’ve had nothing to do since Gerard’s passing, and just being forced to sit around is unbearable.”

“Don’t you need time to mourn?” Ian probed, squinting. 

Desiree sighed once again, closing her eyes. 

As the three of them stood there, I thought back to Lady Raziel, and what She had requested of me.

“Should any of those three begin to show… That they cannot keep themselves in check…”

I swallowed these thoughts, ignoring the faint shudder up my spine. The fact that I was already thinking on if I should have to consider such actions… In hindsight, it most certainly disturbed me, but in the moment, I thought nothing of it--Or, at least, tried to.

“Ian, dear…” Desiree gently began. “You already have quite a bit of experience in combat, I think you can wait a little longer for what I have to teach you. Cindy, meanwhile, hadn’t been a student of Gerard’s for very long. Allow me a little bit of time with her first, dear. Please?”

Ian’s fur bristled, and I briefly feared he was going to snap at his own mother. But after giving a withering look to Cindy, he calmed down, stepping out of his mother’s reach.

“Fine.” He scoffed, beginning to walk away.

Desiree reached after him, but after a moment withdrew her hand, directing her attention back to Cindy. She placed her hand on Cindy’s shoulders and began to guide her to another section of the temple.

With the conflict seemingly settled, my attention was once again diverted. I found myself trailing after Ian as he approached the temple doors. While common sense told me it probably wasn’t a good idea to approach him while he was in such a foul mood, I couldn’t help it. I was curious about something.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“On a patrol.” He answered simply.

“You’ve been going on a lot of patrols lately.” I commented, making him pause as he looked through his supplies.

“And you care because… ?” He asked, looking back to me. “Shouldn’t you be shoving your face in that book--Somewhere away from me?” 

“Well, it’s just, you even do them when you’re not assigned.”

“Vigilance is important.”

“As is order. What if you’re needed, but you were out on some unscheduled patrol?”

Ian heaved a frustrated sigh, once again stopping his work. This time, he turned around to fully face me, irritation clear as day.

“Just because you’re Hecate’s brat doesn’t mean you can boss me around. You’re still just a kid. Now, will you kindly leave me to my business?”

“Well, I should at least tell somebody where you’re going.” I said with a shrug. “Since you’re not going to be telling anyone else.”

At this, Ian stiffened, and I could see a flash of fear on his face. Why was he so startled by that? 

His antennae twitched as he glanced around, as if making absolutely sure I was the only one around. When that was confirmed to be the case, he stepped towards me, leaning in.

“I’m giving you one chance to rethink your options, and not do that.”

I swallowed hard, finding myself overtaken by an acute sense of fear, which was a rarity, admittedly. I had never had any reason to fear Ian in particular, but this harsh reaction to my suggestion definitely indicated that something wasn’t right with this scenario, and I definitely needed to be careful.

“Why?” I probed after a long silence.

“Because what I’m doing isn’t important, and you don’t need to go sticking your nose into it!”

“I don’t have a--”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, KID!” He hissed.

He straightened himself, leering down at me, as if daring me to say anything more.

And, well… Much to my detriment, I did.

“I’m… Going to report this behavior to Lady Raziel.” I finally managed, taking a slow step back. “This… Is very suspicious.”

And it was. It was important that we be observant of our peers, and make sure their convictions did not waver. Any sign of suspicious behavior was to be dealt with, and Ian was a bright, red, flag.

But I didn’t get very far. Almost as fast as I could blink, Ian was upon me, grabbing at one of the legs on my head as well as one of my arms. With one of his free hands, he produced a dagger from his belt, and held it to my throat.

Time seemed to freeze. Death threats weren’t exactly… uncommon, in the sect of War, but it was generally an unspoken rule that an adult threatening a child was unacceptable. It was obvious that Ian didn’t care, however, so I forced myself to be very still, the blood steadily draining from my face.

Why was he doing this? All I had done was suggest going to Lady Raziel, what part of that prompted him to turn a weapon on me?

“You… Will do no such thing.” He said slowly, and I saw his eyes flick around, looking out for anyone who might stumble across this situation. 

“Ian…” I said, in a small voice. Somehow, I couldn’t find any strength in me to stay confident. Here I was, mere inches from death, and I was no different than any other kid would have been in this scenario.

It shouldn’t have been the case, I would have insisted. I was one of Lady Raziel’s disciples, there was no way I should be tripped up by this! 

But fear was a paralyzing thing. 

“Here’s what’s going to happen, kid.” Ian growled, looking me dead in the eyes. “I’m going to let you go. And you’re going to let me leave. And if I come back, and find out you’ve told anyone about this… Well, I think this speaks for itself.” He shifted the dagger a bit, making me stiffen even more.

I needed to be careful about this. I needed to get out of this situation--And maybe stop Ian? That was… Rather optimistic, admittedly, considering he was older, stronger, and actually had weapons on him. 

So what else could I do?

A step backwards is not always a loss.

Part of the scripture of War flashed in my head--Right, sometimes tactical retreats were necessary. In fact, sometimes it was advantageous to make your enemy think you were retreating. So perhaps, for my own safety…

“O-Okay.” I stammered, unsure if the tremble in my voice was natural, or I had managed to slip it in convincingly. “I-I won’t say a-anything!”

Ian stared at me for a long time, antennae still twitching as they continued to pick up anyone else’s presence. 

I was almost convinced he wasn’t going to take my word for it, but then--

He dropped me, and I fell onto the cold floor with a soft thunk. The old book slid a few feet away, and I worriedly glanced to it, but it was more important that I keep my attention on Ian.

“I don’t have time for this.” He growled, turning back to the door. “You better keep your damn word, you little mite.”

He was gone by the time I picked myself up, the temple doors closing with an echo that spread across the chamber. Once I had dusted myself off, I stared at the door, briefly considering if I should follow him--I would need to know what he was doing, after all, if I were to eventually report his behavior. 

But I decided against it. It would be too soon, to jump right into pursuit. I would have to wait a while, if I wanted to do anything without raising suspicion.

I then turned to retrieve the book, but stopped in my tracks when I saw that somebody else had picked it up.

It was Polly. Somehow, she had approached without being heard, and was holding the book I had dropped while looking at me with a worried expression. I also noticed that her eyes were wet with tears, and her antennae were twitching as if she was holding back sobs.

“Mury?” She asked. “Is everything alright?”

“How long have you been here?” Was the first thing I asked, narrowing my eyes slightly. I held out my hand, and she passed me the book with no resistance. 

“Well, I came in when you were saying you were gonna speak to Lord Raziel.” She began, not bothering to hide the gloomy tone in her voice. “I was going to approach and see what was going on, when Ian grabbed you, so I hid behind a bookcase…”

And neither of us had even noticed her… Interesting.

“It’s nothing for you to be concerned about.” I finally sighed after a moment, though more out of a desire to not have her worm her way into matters that didn’t concern her. “Besides, what about you? You’re crying.”

She flinched, almost as if she hadn’t realized this, and hastily grabbed the end of her scarf to wipe her face. 

“I-I’m fine, I promise. Just a bit of trouble when speaking to Theodore! It’s not a big deal.”

She was a terrible liar, but frankly, I wasn’t interested in pursuing the truth. Whatever she was keeping hidden couldn’t have been as serious as Ian’s behavior.

“I’m going to my room.” I said, starting to step past her. She watched me go for a moment, but when I was about halfway across the chamber, she called out.

“Mury, if there’s anything you need help with… Just tell me, okay? You’re my friend. And I want to be useful in any way I can.”

You’re not my friend, I thought, thankful my scowl wasn’t visible as I had my back to her. As if you’d be of any use to me.

Though… I couldn’t deny that her stealth had been quite surprising. I had taken her for the loud, excitable, idiot, unable to keep quiet in the mod serious of situations, yet in that instance, she had managed to avoid the detection of both me and Ian. 

At the very least, it was something to make a mental note of.

“I’ll think about it.” Was all I said as I passed through the door, leaving her alone in the chamber.

[caitemis-art]

project moon debacle thoughts

I’ve had a lot of time to let this stew in my brain so might as well spill my thoughts to get them out of my head. If you have no idea what’s going on (hi mutuals) or aren’t in the mood for reading this kinda thing, scroll past and have a good day i guess

Worst part about all this is probably all the misinformation. I see lots of points cycled as fact despite being dubious at best and “source: dude trust me” at worst (even by those with good intentions). I encourage everyone to do extensive research before committing to an opinion!

As for Veilmori, I doubt they’re coming back. Even if PM extends an offer, they might not even take it at this point. Regardless, I wish them the best!

As for the “firing”? All that’s certain is that the contract isn’t being renewed or something like that. Not quite as extreme as firing, but not illegal afaik and there’s still a safety net for Veilmori. I’m unfortunately not well aware of the contract’s terms. All I know is that it’s somewhat common for Korean contracts to have a clause for the kind of situation that sparked the termination. (EDIT: Apparently the “firing over the phone” was a legit thing - very illegal - and Veilmori was a regular, not an outsourced contract or anything. Doesn’t help that PM is being vague about her employment status atm.)

Also I find it funny that this is the second time a “person fired over feminist social media” thing happened in PM. First time was a lot more clear-cut in comparison (very radical feminist group) but still, deja vu.

Honestly my biggest concern is the treatment of employees if the firsthand statements are to be believed. Hopefully this situation creates some major changes for the better in PM.

I doubt that PM being late on putting out a statement is a sign of something bad. A bit messy, perhaps, but legal red tape can get finicky. The statement we got doesn’t really say much, and it’s still unclear why exactly the termination took place. Honestly, I would be fine with everything if they just outright said the reason. Again, not sure if this is legal red tape or not. Anything’s better than a vague “it wasn’t because of her views” because even that could still relate to the social media stuff (i.e. not because of having views, but because of expressing them on an account publically and clearly connected to the individual). (EDIT: Altho I’ve been told firing employees over social media stuff is a big no-no, I’m sure there’s exceptions and it, sadly, has happened before. This situation’s case against Veilmori is flimsy at best though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was illegal outside of loopholes.)

Last thing to note is that this whole situation is a messy cocktail of social problems and long-held frustrations. Nobody wins in this scenario. PM was between a rock and a hard place and are still chipping away at the rock they are being crushed by. I’m not even gonna pretend I’m an expert on the gender war and whatnot. It’s definitely helpful to not view the situation through an ethnocentric lens though. That’s not to say you can’t maintain opinions based on your own views on feminism, but be sure to not ignore the context either.

Hopefully, like last time, everything can be cleared up and PM can get back on its feet. Currently my view is “not angry, just disappointed” for now. For now, though, wait for new developments and take care of yourself. Your feelings, good or bad, are absolutely valid and whether you continue to support PM or not is entirely up to you! You’re not a bad person for choosing either option.

[blazingstar24]

Been listening to the Molaesmyr lore eps again and I think I may have figured out something!

So in the C2 wrap up, Matt said that his idea behind the corrupted forest in A2 was that an Aeorian researcher was trying to make purely arcane plants. The corrupted forest is the results of the failures in this project.

In that wrap up Matt also said a relic related to this experiment was brought back from Aeor and somehow the misuse of this relic brought about Molaesmyr’s corruption. Now note that Matt also said that this doesn’t have to be the full truth and kept it vague for people with the EGTW playing this plotline. But also at first this seems to be very off from what we just learned about Molaesmyr. That it was actually Ludinus’s ritual during a solstice trying to contact Predathos.

However, what if both are true!

Remember how the harness they found had notes describing what it does as feeding the root? What if this is the relic that was brought back? Perhaps it was originally used to feed the plants arcane energy to make them fully arcane. It’s described like being a funnel.

Well what if you wanted to take that research even further? Not just a fully arcane plant. But a person made up of purely arcane energy. The “root” becomes a person. But also this research was never completed. Eventually it corrupted the trees. So what does that do to a person? That person’s arcana?

How does this tie into the Predathos commune ritual? Well the anchor point Ludinus was using was the crystal well. He survives the fall and the corruption, but in theory wouldn’t he have been at the epicenter of this corruption if he was at the crystal opening a connection to Predathos? So how does he survive? Well perhaps of the corruption came quite literally from him rather than Predathos! (I mean the imagery of Ludinus standing in a well and all the fucked up magic bleeding into the crystal is 👌) He survives because he was the corrupting factor in the well.

This isn’t the first time we would possibly see that specifically his arcana is corruptive or destructive in nature. As he intentionally built a slot in the Malleus Key to put his arm into to power the device. And he does this twice. Once to give it more power and again to when it’s time to lens Vax and shoot the moon. Ludinus choses to use his arcana to do this. He fucked up his arm to do this. Why? Perhaps he took note of the fact that his magic corrupted a crystal which was theorized to have been of divine nature. If his fucked arcana is now corrosive to divine magic, of course he would use it in the device trying to break the Divine Gate!

TLDR: Ludinus’s arcana is majorly fucked up and he did cause the Fall of Molaesmyr but not in the way we thought.

[lavenoon]

I have more family dynamic thoughts to tease out! We know a lot about how Sun and Moon work together, how they overlap each other just as often as they work together, and in turn we’ve learnt a lot about how different Eclipse is to the two of them… But what about where one of the other two is an outlier instead?

We know Moon is the introvert between two chatty little extroverts, for example, but are there other examples where Sun or Moon is left as the one who does/thinks/likes A where the other two are B? I love how unique all of them are… but the mental image of the boys being able to mentally shake hands with their little brother and not their other half makes me giggle.

-🌻 Daye

Last January ask let's go! <3

This would have been fun to do as a Venn Diagram but alas, I am already cozied up so we'll do it without the visualization

Outlier Moon: Definitely the introversion, and also the fact that he doesn't lie about whatever accidents he gets into. Eclipse lies for fun (like Y/N), and Sun lies to protect his pride, and Moon listens to their bullshit and just sighs. Just in general a little more down to earth, so any time Sun and Eclipse are plotting extensive petty revenge for some reason (Sun for the extensive, Eclipse for the petty), Moon is the voice of reason going "hey maybe we could just. yknow, hear me out. ignore all of that actually." Definitely also the guy insisting on good sleep for any humans involved - while both Sun and Eclipse are very much pro-self care, they're much more easily convinced towards "but what if sleep crimes to stay up with you for a bit?" Also most likely to go non-verbal for a bit - ties into the introversion, but is mostly me projecting. Sometimes talking is just too much, and he goes quiet, communicating only through noises or vague gestures while mostly withdrawing

Outlier Sun: Simply not as much into sci-fi. Moon likes novels with that as focus, and Eclipse isn't opposed, so whenever Moon wants to talk about the intricacies of futuristic tech with someone, he doesn't go to "but is there romance?" Sun. Also the most dramatic of the three, and most obviously putting on an act - and somehow, least confident. Despite everything, Sun is deeply insecure about what roles he plays and has to fill, whereas Moon is doing just fine and Eclipse's insecurities mostly relate to his relationship with Sun and Moon. Sun is very hesitant about everything he projects as soon as his scripts aren't enough, and he (oh gods) has to be his genuine self. Moon and Eclipse both help with that as much as they can though! Also the only one I inflicted with "scripts" type of neurodivergency! Needs to follow certain patterns or else he gets nervous/ unsure, while Eclipse and Moon would not really get what he's talking about/ don't think of social interaction like that

Outlier Eclipse: Apart from the obvious? A lot more thinking outside the box. He's fueled by undeniable and experimental confidence, so even when an idea seems crazy he's willing to try it just to know for sure whether it'll work or not, while Sun and Moon like to play it at least somewhat safe. Eclipse isn't scared of set-backs, while Sun and Moon are very much success oriented (despite varying definitions of success). He wants to know what would happen, rather than just what will work! A lot more blunt, too, and definitely least aware of conversational cues. It even takes Sun and Moon a bit to adjust - they're so used to each other, it doesn't occur to them they have to spell certain things out to him! Also the most curious about "human-only" things, like how things would taste and why people eat just for the fun of it, why exactly muscles get sore, or the ways "eyes" developed multiple times in different ways! He wants to know everything, while Sun and Moon are focused more on what is useful to them, and it results in a lot of "useless" trivia from Eclipse

[motheatenscarf]

So much is happening so fast in Endwalker and I want to keep playing, but I also want to catch up and post some thoughts about it, but also like.

God, there's 80 things to unpack for every 5 quests I do. Just.

The existential horror of the ancient moon ghosts.

Zenos' weird "No, I don't want to fight you if you're not gonna pay 100% attention to our rivalry :<" pouting.

The fact that there's a colony of moon rabbits that turned the moon into a spaceship to ferry the people of the world to a new home once the Final Days returned.

The slow ticking of the doomsday clock.

The fact that Thancred casually said "Hey, bright side; same hat! :D" about getting one's body stolen and puppeted by someone else, but STILL hasn't talked about getting possessed by Lahabrea

The suicide of the 1st Legion Legatus whose name I forget, the BLEAK but believable way of Garlemald being broken under its own martial weight being manipulated against it and the people's reactions to that.

And how my poor poor WoL is psychologically reacting to ALL OF THIS happening over the course of LESS THAN A WEEK.

And I'm also realizing that like, my character is from Garlemald, she left under bad circumstances and only her mom was still left alive. And uh. She never like, checked back in, to see if her mom got in trouble for the crimes Talia committed against the state, or if when word got back that she was this Eikon slayer, the blame landed on her mother.

Was she sent to a gulag? Was she just executed? Was she incorporated into someone's power structure as a researcher? Did she help create any of the myriad horrors Talia has fought? Did she just flee and go into hiding,? Did she leave the country? Was she still there when the tempering happened? Did she find a radio and is waiting somewhere, half-frozen to death and starving in a bunker? Was she already killed in the civil war?

Like at least half the country's population is probably toast, and that's being optimistic. The ones who didn't die in the war and weren't tempered have been running low on heat and supplies for months, and how many more will kill themselves rather than accept Eorzean aid? And how many of the ones who survived the devastation but did get tempered can even be saved? How many are too far gone physically to be recovered? How many will even allow themselves to be captured with nonlethal force? I think it's not unreasonable to estimate that like, probably a good 3/4 of the people who lived in Garlemald are just... gone.

And how far, FAR too many of those survivors will never get closure on what happened to most of their loved ones.

So I've been wracking my brain to come up with what the most interesting answer would be for what happened to Echidna, Talia's mom, and I think the most interesting conclusion is a lack of closure.

She'll never know. She'll never get to reconcile or officially burn the bridge or get any kind of closure or explanation from her.

Because there are SO MANY people who are going through exactly what she's going through right now in Garlemald. If the narrative killed Haurchefant to teach the WoL a lesson about loss and selfless, reckless love in the face of war, giving them a personal investment to end the Dragonsong war, I think I can give Talia a dead mom to teach her a lesson about

a.) DIRECTLY relating to what the survivors of the initial Final Days went through, with that "tragedy but no catharsis; truth but no meaning," to the kind of devastation which befell her home.

and b.) give her some mommy issues to maybe project onto whatever the fuck is going on with Hydalen, since like her mother, she is also distant and obfuscating and speaks in riddles and half-truths while insisting it's for her own good.

And it probably is! I'm really enjoying that the narrative is a lot more vague about if Hydalen is uh, entirely "good" or not, it's left far more up to interpretation and it lets the player express doubt and resentment toward her. Which is good, because I think it's definitely a complicated situation which she did her best to resolve, given how the deck was stacked against her, but like all mothers doing their honest to god best, she still made some mistakes and did some damage.

Which, again, I LIKE! Let her be complicated, her adversaries certainly are, and I love stories where there's no real "bad" or "good" guys, there's just people doing their best to do what they think is right. People disagreeing is far more interesting than the boring diametrically opposed essentialism of light vs. dark this game started out with between Hydalen and the Ascians. I think if the Ascians got the Shadowbringers treatment of pulling the curtain back and humanizing them, Hydalen needs the same. And spoiler alert, humans are flawed. I'm glad it isn't framing her anymore as some bottomless font of moral purity and goodness no matter what mistakes she makes, that's the shit I HATED about Minfilia pre-Shadowbringers.

Anyway, that was a tangent, and you see how long it is? You see how I'm incapable of brevity?

YEAH, I have like 20 more posts of this length I can write about like, everything that just happened between starting Garlemald and meeting the Noah's Ark NASA Moon Bunnies