#vace's confidence

[dillypillars]

kaya! 20 he/him | marzipan apologist

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please read my carrd before following <3

[xenobotany]

thinking abt sol and nem. in my run they were childhood friends to lovers and the classic fell first fell harder trope. wherever nem would go sol would follow! they were a two package deal growing up, and would follow kom around trying to be cool the way he was!

whats brutal about my run is that. when sol's feelings became less ambivalent and more clear, they were very transparent about liking nem. they didn't hide it (very easily) and would flirt openly with nem, who would flirt back. as a joke. kind of. but sol made it clear!!! they liked anemone romantically!!! (whatever that means). but even so She Liked Him More !!!!!!!

my sol HATES vace with a passion. HATES vace. hated that HE was so easily able to win her over when they were RIGHT there. they've done so many cool things! they literally defeated a faceless at age 11. they STOPPED the famine in the colony. not.. that their achievements defined who they were. but it was certainly disheartening.

when nem confides in sol and admits the abuse sol is so Angry beyond words. Not at nem of course. but so angry angry angry at the audacity to treat nem - or ANYONE - in such a way. i just know they want to beat them UP .

anywho. in my run sol and nem end up together after sol breaks them up and convinces nem that they're bad for each other. they also got matching sword and shield tattoos. they're soulmates through and through, aligned in the stars and lovers entwined.

actually. mangifera my oc is technically a canon divergence. sol and nem never settle down with children, they just settle down together. i think it's cute that their love never fades away. she becomes a sportsball champion like she always dreamed of.

[deusexlachina]

Cheeseage Exocolonist: Epilogue

For those wondering Where They Are Now in my perfect world.

Having achieved universal adoration, I get to see the epilogues of all my peers, making the epilogue so long that "The Child You Were," which is five and a half minutes long, ends about halfway into the ending, leaving me to read about my friends' fates in an eerie silence as I contemplate the cost of perfection.

I have given all my loved ones their dream lives, but I can no longer be fully part of those lives, because I lived too many others in search of the golden timeline.

As a high-rebellion governor, I Take The Colony In A New Direction, replacing Council members with younger people who are more in line with my kind of reforms, and the other departments fall in line because I have the security squads firmly on my side. I am quoting this verbatim because there is no way I can spin it to sound more colourfully tyrannical.

Having reconciled with her twin brother with the power of drugs, my power wife edits people's brains to make them resistant to Bad Thoughts, a marginally less sinister use for her medical expertise than engineering a plague.

Tangent is also the first person in the planet's history to realize we need a mental health expert who is not a barista. I'm proud of her.

As revenge for stealing her dream job, Marzipan steals my dream girl. Then Tangent dumps Marzipan, because nobody can constrain Tangent.

Thanks to my barista skills breaking up her and Vace, Anemone lives a happy life. She Tears Down This Wall.

Socks keeps growing, and Cal has to release her, having spent his entire childhood with the worm.

Marzipan is part second in command, part confidante and part nemesis, which is more glamorous than just assassinating me in my sleep.

Dys becomes an Animorph. Tangent celebrates this, having finally found common ground with her twin: wanting to leave humanity.

Rex mends his friendship with Vace, who becomes a better person and then proceeds to fly into a wormhole and is never seen again. Having dreamed of exploring space his whole life, he couldn't stand to be stuck on this planet, though he could've if I'd given him exactly five more cakes. I let him escape the wormhole, because I never can.

Tammy is finally confident, and advocates for the communal raising of children, presumably because she's grown up around Tang and Dys, who were not communally raised, and look what happened to them. Her epilogue reveals that Antecedent is still Chief Steward until her nineties. Given that I remove all authorities who don't bend to my will, Auntie must have gone along with My Kind of Reforms, which makes sense because she always knows which way the wind is blowing. The snake.

Nomi becomes a Magical Person who is popular at princess-themed events. With my help, they finish their video game. "Getting a lot of Animorphs vibes from this," thinks woman who read all of the Animorphs books.

My relationship with Tangent having inevitably fallen out, Sym becomes my annoying roommate.

My parents do well. My dad cultivates dizzyweed and hops, presumably inspired by his daughter's therapeutic drug empire.

Even I am impressed with myself, telling myself that "it's not easy to make someone put aside their ego and surrender to a greater power."

That greater power being me, of course.

Thanks for reading!

[creepyfruit]

Favorite Exocolonist characters? And maybe least favorites if you have any?

I'll give you my character tier list (I decided to include only the kids idk maybe I'll make a separate one for adults)

Answer under the cut ↓

My least fav is obviously Vace. I don't think I need to elaborate but to make it clear l, I haven't ever tried to befriend him so I don't know much about him other than his obsession with killing things, being abusive and a bully.

Next I'll have to put Nomi Nomi not because I don't like them but simply because I've never went out of my way to befriend them so I don't really have an opinion.

Cal was my best friend in my first play through so it hurts me to put him so low but he deserves it. Listen mate I love animals as much as the average gal but you're doing too much. The victim blaming as well?? I'm sorry that I was born on a spaceship set to colonize an alien planet, what did you want me to do? Swim through space and go back to earth? Also your girlfriend's dad died a horrid death and that's still all you have to say? Pacifism isn't a good look on an environment like this one.

Rex is a great dude, there's nothing I dislike about him, he's just simply not as interesting as the others.

Tammy is also kind of on the same boat. I did have a lot of hearts with her on my second play through and helping her be more confident was a very enjoyable journey, she is obviously very kind and empathetic and that makes her incredibly likable. I wish she had some flaws to make a bit more realistic.

This is where things get tough because all the next characters are kinda close but Nem will have to take this one. I romanced her in my most recent play through and she really is just the cutest... until Kom dies and she adopts the whole Helio package. She did become slightly annoying even though I understand her trauma. It's good that you can help her grow out of it, that gives her bonus points. A fun character with some nice character development.

And here comes everyone's fav boy Dys. It took a lot of trying to befriend him, he made it very hard for me and I liked that. I liked how they made him weird and antisocial, he wasn't the misunderstood boy that no one likes but rather it's actually the opposite. His relationship with Tang is so beautifully complex I love every part of it although I still haven't gotten them to reconcile (that damn bar will be the death of me). I would have put him much lower if it wasn't for the exploration buddies relationship that he had with Sol because the most unlikable thing about him (that I honestly never understood) is his obsession with the gardeners. Maybe it's my lack of understanding or the fact that I never really went down that road (making him a gardener/befriending Sym) because it creeps me out but I just don't like his views on the subject. And also I hate his relationship with Sym, nothing cute about a 100+ yo alien praying on a 16 yo boy.

Marz is a character that I thought I was going to hate straight from my first play through. She seemed like the typical mean girl character, who's very pretty has a lot of money is obsessed with clothes and stuff and also bullies every one just because but she's not exactly like that. Sure she has kudos and status and loves her fashion but she has genuinely kind intentions behind her "bullying". She doesn't understand how words can hurt because due to her augument they can't hurt her, she thinks she's helping Dys fit in with her comments and she doesn't want him to be lonely. She's naturally a very commanding person and a true leader but she isn't looking for mindless sheep, she wants you to have self respect and a backbone and I love her for that. Also bonus points to our girl for helping us overthrow the government. I have to say though, all the above doesn't excuse the fact that she can be seriously mean sometimes, but we love her regardless.

My favourite girl, my sweet baby Tangent, who's gone through so much but no matter what you do she doesn't really get a happy ending. I had my eye on her the moment I saw her (her child sprite reminded me of Ino from Naruto that's why) and she was my first romance. Obviously that didn't end well cause my first ending turned out to be tangent's cure (I thought I was just helping my gf bro) and now I'm scared to even talk to her thinking I'll trigger it again but I love her non the less. She's such a complex character I could talk about her for days (special thanks to the person with the multiple tangent discussion posts) her relationship with Dys, the obviously toxic and abusive relationship with Instance, her importance to a whole colony at such a young age, the fact that she's held to adult standards which results in self harming habits and her loneliness, her struggle with mental illness and the death of her mother. I'm writing everything down in a synopsis pretty much because if I start I won't stop. I also love how this abusive relationship was handled compared to Nem and Vace. No matter what you say she won't see how bad Instance is for her and the product of all this abuse is ultimately horrible for her. It adds a realism that hurts to death but is necessary. I also adore her character because it gives us a reminder that not everyone gets a happy ending in life, sometimes the things people go through never really leave them, although admittedly I would kill to see my baby happy, she deserves it.

[writingfandomsandthings]

Anemone felt blood pool and spark in her mouth and the Array writhed under her hands.

She was not disabling it. She was killing those motherfuckers even as it tore her apart.

(There was screaming as colors warped)

(It might have been her screaming)

But she was a child first, with a long, loud laugh and play in her heart.

She was a space kid, then a colony kid, and it was wonderful.

(Childhoods are so, so short)

The colony felt tense after Tammy's death, but while Anemone did not forget, she moved on...or tried to. The adults said it was an accident - and it was - and there were things to do.

She played in the dirt and with gravity and began watching the wall like her awesome brother Kom.

(She did not see what was coming, even as the other kids begin to see pieces click together)

The first raid of the farm during the Glow was violent.

A field was torn to shreds and Cal and another farmer salted the earth with their blood.

Anemone felt the unease, but she was confident it would not happen again when Rhett showed the watchers guns and taught those like her brother had to use them.

Kom could never fail her.

(Dys disappears into the wilderness after screaming at Sol that Sym needed them)

(Anemone never solved that mystery)

A famine comes and the Glow gets more violent.

(Adults fall, and die, brutally or quietly and Anemone clings harder to her brother)

And Kom...does fail her.

The battered colony is battered again on Glow night by a monster of monsters.

The creche is destroyed, the engine is damaged.

Governor Eudicot is dead.

Sol is dead, following their mother from famine.

Kom is broken against broken walls and he cannot hear Anemone scream.

(She never stops screaming on the inside, even when the tears stop)

Anemone shapes herself into something hard and sharp and full of bite when Helios lands and brings their heels onto Stratos' neck.

Anemone falls into line because they'll help her kill Kom's killer. The planet, all of Vertunna, Anemone is ready to bathe and drown in blood.

She sneers at the lighthearted dogboy and the frivolous Marz becoming sharper and glinted and just more as they grow older - Anemone misses the tightening of words, the shifted glances at Lum and his soldiers because they include her.

She is Helios reborn under the detested sun.

Anemone is shaken when Lum is trying to show off with bombs and guns and Rhett is furious and for damn good reason because there was a stray and -

Anemone's ears ring

and ring

and -

there's screaming again.

(The screaming is the beginning, the now, and the ending)

Anemone picks up patches of herself and hauls off.

Vace had been hunting something in the swamp and Anemone hunts in his lost shadow.

It is silent when it is just her bloodied boots in murky water.

She hunts and she hunts and she hunts until the largest collective of minds and sentience she could ever behold is within her grasp.

They die bleeding and screaming together.

(And then she is born, bright eyed and keening)

(She is loved so very very much)

-

crossposted to ao3 and pillowfort

[hedgehogoftime]

I Was A Teenage Exocolonist quotes of debatable correctness

Sol: I really love Tangent but I wish she’d stop saying “This biological form is limiting,”, it’s really off-putting at parties.

-

*Cal is confiding to Sol about troubles with Tammy’s pregnancies*

Cal: I mean, I didn’t realize that Tammy COULD be crazy until now.

Sol: She’s pregnant, she gets to be crazy. It’s your job to be sane right now.

Cal: So I don’t get to be crazy again until after she has the baby?

Sol: No, then it’s the baby’s turn to be crazy.

Cal: So when do I get to be crazy again!?

Sol: Never. *begins laughing hysterically at him*

-

*Nem is stranded on a mission and Vace has volunteered to rescue her*

Vace: Alright, time for Plan... something something... I save Nem and she falls madly in love with me again and Sol dies of heartbreak.

Vace: ...I swear I had something for this.

-

Sol: I can fit the entire world in my hands!

Tangent: I swear if you try any adorable shit-

Sol: *cups Tangent’s face in their hands*

Tangent: I have a reputation...

-

Dys: Life is a meaningless drudgery of pointless misery, an endless spiral of death and decay from which there is no

*Sol walks in*

Dys: OMG, Sol!

-

Tammy: Hey Sol, what color are Marz’s eyes?

Sol: They’re neon pink with flashes of royal purple and sometimes red if the light is right.

Tammy: Uh, huh. And when was the last time Marz smiled?

Sol: Last night, at three minutes past nine when Rex made that terrible joke about chickens.

Tammy: Right. And when is my birthday?

Sol: ...

Tammy: When is my birthday, Sol?

-

Marz: As your new Governor, I hearby declare that everyone who has ever been mean to me shall be... executed.

[jami-theunknown]

I Was Alone (Vace x Sol)

I Was Alone.

I was alone. Growing up on the ship my mother didn’t want me and my father hated me. The only people I had were my comrades in training, and even then I became someone for them to look up to, not their friend. I was their commander not too long after. No longer someone to play games with, I was not a child. I was never a child.

I was alone when we landed on Vertumna. Nem was a great, strong and reliable soldier. Then she was a good girlfriend, until we fought so much we couldn’t recognize each other. I lost myself so much during that relationship, if I could turn back time and undo the damage I did to her, turn back the hurt, I would.

I was alone, until I met Sol.

Sol, a great soldier, fast, strong, steadfast in the heat of battle, there wasn’t anything they couldn’t do. I was impressed, I’d finally met my match and it was someone I wasn’t expecting, one of the Stratos. Sol was someone who didn’t back down from a fight, didn’t turn their face when danger reared around and snapped in their face. They stood tall and never wavered. 

Sol was alone too. Their mother had passed not too long before we had landed and their father almost right after succumbed to the pollen. But, even though they were alone like me, they never stopped smiling. They never stopped joking around with the others their age and never stopped trying to bring the people around them up. 

I didn’t get it. 

How could someone alone be like that? Someone who didn’t need others to be happy just needed to bring the others around them up. I couldn’t understand it and it made me want to be better than them even more than I did before. I had a new goal, not to let Sol pass me up. 

I trained all the time. I didn’t have time for anything or anyone else. Until Sol came in and challenged me to spar and they won. I didn’t get it, they trained but I trained more. I waited for them to gloat and hold the victory over my head, like the others would on the ship. But it never came. I looked at them and they were holding a hand out for me to take, and a smile. 

“You did really well, I could have lost if I wasn’t careful. You’re really strong Vace.” 

I didn’t understand, were they mocking me? It didn’t sound like mocking, it didn’t sound like gloating or like they were tricking me. I stared at them until they reached down and took my hand, not waiting for me to take theirs anymore. I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know so I pulled away. No one showed me kindness that often and when they did they wanted something from me. Lum taught me that very well. But, Sol just laughed. 

“You’re like a Hopeye that just got sprayed with water.” They giggled, before taking my hand again and pulled me up without waiting. The others would think I’m weak, but when I looked around no one was watching the fight anymore. 

They worked hard alongside me and Nem until we were adults. I confided everything to them, they knew my darkest times and my deepest secrets. I expected to be met with judgment or pity but, never once got either of those. Just a nod and a pat on the shoulder. They never said much, just showed that they were there. 

Until they came to me about Nem. 

I had never seen judgment so heavy in their eyes, and anger. I’d seen their anger before when the aliens had broken through and killed our men. I’d seen their anger when Dys destroyed the wall and endangered them and Nem. But it was never directed toward me before. 

“What did you do, Vace?” 

I’d never felt pain like I did that day. I knew what Nem and I had was bad, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until Sol came to me and was going to kill me if I didn’t answer correctly. And so, I answered truthfully. 

“I don’t know.”

“I didn’t want to be alone.”

Two sentences I never thought I would ever say out loud. But it was Sol, I couldn’t lie to Sol because they could see right through me. They could break me open and stare inside me, taking everything from within and bringing it out where even I had to see it. They knew me, just like I knew them. 

I left Nem after that, it was what was best for the both of us in the end. I couldn’t hurt her anymore and that’s what mattered. Sol came to see me more often and made sure that I was not spiraling into some sort of sad, weak state. I was fine, truthfully. I hadn’t been alone in a long time at that point and it was freeing, until it wasn’t. 

Sol came to me one night after a battle with the Gardeners. They were exhausted and it showed. Their armor was in shambles and their clothes clung to their body due to their sweat. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I did what they would do for me. I put a hand on their shoulder and helped them to the shower. I took their armor and waited for them to be done. 

I didn’t realize how little I knew of Sol’s past until they came out in a towel and had scars on their body in places I hadn’t seen them hurt before. They caught me looking and then sighed. They looked away from me, turning their back and pulling a shirt over their head. 

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” They threw a half, weak smile in my direction, it faded quickly. 

“You aren’t though. When did you get those? How did you get those?” They froze at my question, as if they weren’t expecting me to ask. They turned to look at me, frozen in place. Their expression was something I couldn’t read. 

“You changed this time..” They trailed off a bit. 

“What do you mean ‘this time’?” I tilted my head a them a bit, narrowing my eyes. “Do you know something I don’t?” They shook their head at me. 

“It’s late, we should-” I cut them off.

“You should tell me what is going on. I thought I knew everything about you, Sol. What aren’t you telling me? What happened to you?” They didn’t answer me for a long time, their head hung low, their expression was somber. I expected them to leave or cry or something of the sort, but they smiled softly. 

“You wouldn’t believe me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship this time, Vace. Just take what I say and go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow at training.” They kept their back to me and turned their head away fully now. They headed to the door, their hand reached for the holopad. I didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t want them to be alone either. I reacted before thinking and took their other hand in mine. 

“I would believe you if you told me this planet was orange and full of cotton candy. I would follow you to the end of the line. I would take on an army for you and then bring it’s leader’s head to you.” What was I saying? What was I doing? I turned them to face me, gently putting a finger under their chin and tilting their head up, to look me in the eyes. How long had they been holding things in for me? For everyone here?

“I would climb the tallest mountains and dig to depths uncharted for you. I would wrangle the sun closer to the planet if you were cold and fight the wormhole away when you are scared. I would tame the faceless and face down Noctilucent alone for you.” Their eyes held so much depth, fear and sadness mixed together, tears brimming the corners. “You aren’t alone, you will never be alone again so long as I’m here. I won’t let you be alone again.” I took them in my arms and held them to my chest. I don’t know what feelings were stirring in me to set me into such a place but, it felt right. 

“I couldn’t save them.. Again!” They finally cried out, sobbing into my chest. The person I had come to know to be so tough and strong, felt so small and weak in my arms. I held them tighter, afraid if I let go or showed any hesitance they would slip through my arms and fade away forever. “I couldn’t save Tonin or Kom,” They hit my chest, their fist clenched so tight they were starting to bleed. “Eudicot or Hal” They coughed a bit and I took one of their fists into my hand. “Or my parents!” They sobbed loudly as I took their other hand into mine and they hit their head on my chest. They took all the responsibility for those who had died? Why?

“How is that your fault? You were a kid in most of those instances. There wasn’t anything you could have done. They were doomed from the start, you had come to an alien plant in the middle of nowhere to start a new home, right? They knew the risks and came anyway. They knew they could die and-” It was their turn to cut me off. 

“You don’t get it Vace, I could have stopped it! I could have if I hadn’t ignored the visions and my dreams! If I would have listened and heeded the warnings of my past-” They hiccuped and coughed again. “If I would have tried harder-”

“You did the best you could with the circumstances presented to you.” I let one of their hands go to wipe the tears from their face. “I don’t really understand a lot of what you are talking about but, I know you. If you could have done something, you would have.” I put my forehead on theirs, putting my hand on the back of their neck. “I know you, as you are now.” 

They stared into my eyes, more tears spilled down their cheeks as they cried out and let the sobs wrack their body now. “But you don’t know my past-”

“I know you now. I know who you are now. You are Sol, the person who saved Nem, the person who fought a faceless on their own as a child, the person who pulled Cal out of danger and saved Tammy as a child, the person who..” I paused before sighing. “The person who saved me from becoming a monster like my own father. You wouldn’t let people die unless there was nothing you could have done.” I kept their head against mine and waited for them to catch their breath. “You are Sol, a good person who always does what is right. No matter how hard it is or who will get angry. You do what is right.” They continued to stare into my eyes, looking for something. Were they expecting something from me? When I raised my brow at them, they closed the distance between our lips. I didn’t hesitate to return their affections and closed my eyes, leaning down into them. I pulled them against me tighter and slid my tongue along their lower lip. 

I awoke in the morning, their head on my shoulder in my bed. I glanced down at them before lightly pulling them closer to me. I turned off the alarm that would have sounded for training. I didn’t need to go today, they wouldn’t need me. Sol needed me right now, and I needed them. I leaned over and planted a small kiss on their forehead before leaning my head back onto my pillow again. 

I was alone, until I met Sol.

[hirokiyuu]

Hello! Saw your last post and got me thinking: What do you think Vace and Lin would be like as parents? I imagine that fatherhood wouldn't come to him as easily, but I think he would earnestly try to be better than both his parents 😁

oh yeah absolutely i think post therapy vace is a better dad than his family (low bar) and i think in therapy he has like the self awareness? to try and push past that

actually therapy vace is very fun in general bc like. i think one of vace's qualities regardless of therapy is how he pushes himself to be The Best it's just like a reframing of what The Best is u kno. there's a reason his cards are vace's confidence u kno. and that confidence is in some ways genuinely earned like!!! he IS the best soldier on the helio!!! like!!!! he has all those awards and he's very smart and like. it makes sense!!!

but then he goes to therapy and he starts like. reframing some of his stuff re:being Good and like what it means to be not just Good At Things but a Good Person and like. thats so much more difficult for him u kno in ways that other stuff wouldnt necessarily be. esp bc a lot of the stuff involved is like, him moving to be more vulnerable and show weakness and forgive ppl and those are not things he's good at naturally which is like. just very fun wwww

the reason i bring this up re:his parenting: i dont think he'd want to be a parent until he's really dealt with a lot of the worst of his shit. he mentions this in his 100 right: he's aware his whole thing comes from his dad who he has an IMMESNELY complicated rship w/. (i say this bc like. in his 50 he mentions hating his dad right. and yet he still has a picture of him u kno. lmfao. god) i dont think he'd ever want to subject his kids to what he went thru. i think he's aware of what he's done and how much worse he could've been u kno. the monster under the bed is who he is without sol

and even then it still takes work u kno. this comes up in the endcards abt how on his worst days he's still just like he was and how it takes times to break past that and find someone to meet him halfway. i have him meet lin when he's like early 30's bc i really do think it takes him a Long Fucking Time to hit a point like that. a lot of relationships. u kno. takes Work. takes time.

BUT THE POINT OF THIS.... to answer your actual q..........

i do actually think vace is a pretty good dad in these circumstances! i think he's protective and caring and i think in context w/rship with lin especially where he's got a partner that's good at reframing issues from "you versus me" to "you and me against the problem" it helps him get in that mindset with kids as well u kno.

i think tho in some ways he's better w/them when they're little GLKHSDLKGH i think he might be a bit overprotective when theyre older. i am shy talkign abt lin but im even shyer talking abt the fankids i made for them but i DO think its immensely funny for him to have his daughter hit adolescence and be like. ok im not calling u daddy anymore. and not bc she's embarrassed abt being a daddys girl or antying she just needs him to realize shes practically an ADULT NOW (vace meanwhile is there like. you are Not an adult jesus christ)

ok thats the serious analysis now here is my stuff thats for Me (sparkle emojis) ive talked abt this with alm before and in some ways i think vace is the parent the kids rely on for most every day stuff bc i do think he spoils his kids a little u kno. daughter shows up asking for a snack and he Prepares something for her meanwhile lin is like (gets smth preprepared from the fridge or tells her to wait for mealtime) takes them shopping teaches them to tie their shoes all that kind of stuff u kno

lin meanwhile is like...... practical wwww ive talked abt this in other places but he has difficulty with people sometimes bc of his augment. he's not great at comforting tbh! i think if the kids are upset adn htey want hugs abt it they go to vace. lin tho i think is the parent they turn towards for more serious stuff? bc vace despite everything still is very emotional while lin is very Not that u kno. so they can be like. uh. papa. ive fucked up. and lin is like (guy whose response to literally Everyhting is How Do We Fix This) How Do We F

in some ways as well i think the kids and lin grow closer as they get older. not to say i think they necessarily grow Away from vace but the way you interact w/small kids versus when u interact w/older ones means i think vace would do better w/the really younger ones while there'd be a bit of disconnect btwn them and lin until they're older u kno. lin is bad at mirroring and coddling and part of the thing abt his rship w/vace is it does help him get better at dealing w/other ppl w/strong emotions, part of that also relies on vace understnading that lin is trying u kno. and that's not a capacity kids really have at such young ages?

overall tho. i do think they are pretty good parents wwwww vace does hover too much but lin i think helps him dial it back wwww and lin struggles more at first but he gets there. their kids i think grow up well! and that's what matters!

[gothicmilktea]

She had her last words

PLEASE READ

( cybertronians age every 7 human years

So rust is the equivalent of being 25 in cybertronians but if we went by human years he'd be 175

From what we know cybertronians live forever and only die due to injuries and sickness..)

[This aging process is going by what was stated in rescue bots]

Also when a character says something and the bar surrounding it looks like this [ ] there speaking a different language.

If you see the name amber is lilliana i just missed it to chang it.

Lilliana was lying down in her bed resting. Thinking about her life and all her experiences.

How her body used to be young and could run for hours.

she heard the crack of her bedroom door interrupting her though proses.

Her eyes open as her heart starts to flutter from excitement when she saw who came to visit.

As heavy metallic footsteps walked towards her.

A young voice spoke

"Greetings Lilliana, how is it you are feeling?"

Holding a bokay of flowers. She smiled seeing he brought …tiger Lillies, her favorite.

standing by her bed. He turns over to her night stand to remove the dead Lilies from their vace sitting on the nightstand and replace them with new ones. As Lilliana watches she gets a youthful twenkle in her eyes.

Whilst Lilliana replied her voice withered and dry yet confident.

"I've been feeling tired lately… yet I'm happy

But that is probably because waiting until the next time you visit keeps me running…

And you rust?"

She said with a slight grin.

Now facing up and looking at him.

He slightly blushed at her statement.

Rust replied

As he began to stare out the window.

" I've been doing good … I've teamed up with a new partner.

They're much nicer than my old partner, they treat me fairly."

He spoke softly

When Lilliana chirped.

"Are they cute?!"

His eyes widen his face becoming flustered.

The pace in his voice quickened

" No no, it's not like that besides I- I have my apprentice to teach she's quite …a mess to handle. "

At the end of his panic pace slowed

Lilliana chuckled

*Cough cough *

Her face frowned as she looked to the side

Fidgeting her finges.

Rust could tell something was on her mind.

"Lilliana, what is wrong?.... You’re fidgeting."

She signed then looked at him with a sad expression.

"I'm dying rust."

She almost looked relieved to tell him.

She had hidden from everyone that she was dying and becoming weaker with every passing day.

"I'm sorry for ruining the mood but I had to tell you it would be cruel to not tell my-"

"What!"

His face contorted in a confused shock

“I don't understand I don't see visible injuries

And your pigment seems normal

An -”

He rambled in confusion as to why she would be dying

“Rust .”

She looked concerned as he scans and looks at her health on her data chart.

His voice quivered

“ i - don't understand”

He repeats

"RUst!"

Lilliana shouted to get his attention

His face was full of tears twisted in a painful expression as he sobbed.

"No don't leave…you can't…I need you-"

He whimpered

He was kneeling on the floor face down on her lap as she rubbed the back of his head.

"Rusty…the day we first met looking back now was the best thing that happened to me."

She lifted his head up to look at her holding his face her thumbs rubbed on his cheeks softly.

Calming him down enough for her to continue.

" I didn't know at first I had found an alien robot.

You had shrunk yourself down into a ball.

I thought if I brought you to school I could find out what you were.

When you woke up You were so confused and scared to where you where and what where the odd creatures that surrounded you.

The other students and i where frightened and within the cayos… someone caused a fire that almost killed everyone.

But instead of just leaving you saved me.

At first, I hated you for my scars but now I see them as a symbol of our… friendship."

She spoke to him about stories of their past as hours passed by.

["Rust!?]

He placed a hand on one side of his head to hear.

[“Rust comes in we have an intruder trying to steal from our base we need backup."]

A loud crackling voice came in through the come link.

He frowned; he didn't want to leave Lilliana knowing her condition.

"You should go rust from what I could understand from the frantic voice something was not well."

“No, i-”

"They need you Rust I'll be fine I promise And besides you can always come to visit me agian."

He stood up trying to proper his demeanor

He took a brave posture but this time his usul poker face frowned.

As he was about to walk out the door he heard.

"Oh and Rusty…I love you. "

He turned back to look at her. she had a huge grin on her face as a flash of her youth came through.

His eyes teared up once more.

"I love you too. "

He turned back around shutting the door behind him.

She smiled in the direction he left then turned to her nightstand pull a letter from the door and set it on top and preceded to get comfortable in her bed.

Her though were calm and quiet she had very few regrets except one for not telling him she loved him sooner

And still… he wouldn't know what she meant.

Days passed as she watched out her window and got a few visits from her daughter.

Watching out the window brought her more peace. she counted the leaves that would fall from the tree out side now it only had four.

She felt so sleepy that day so she closed her eyes

Her body became calmer and calmer and her heart was now resting until the room was silent and her thoughts had went quite.

Hours passed when a nurse walked in to serve her dinner and found her.

her death was reported to her only family. her daughter.

As more hours passed and her body was now covered with a fin white sheet.

Her daughter sitting outside the room grived over her mother.

Her sobbes echoed in the halls.

Metallic footsteps rang agents the tile flooring of the retirement home. He hummed As he walked towards the room he turned over to greet alaina

He was surprised to see her she usually is never around.

“Oh greetings Alaina….”

As soon as he saw her face he came to a screching halt

What are you doing… here?" he said hopeing to primus it not what he feared.

She looked at him with red puffy eyes, tears still running down her face.

She pointed to the door.

His face dropped as he walked towards the door. He then slowly… opened the door.

He scanned the room. His eyes landed on the bed.

Taking another step… forward.

Staring at the white sheet.

As he stood next to the bed he felt even more scared

He slowly pulled the sheet off revealing The frail old woman.

Her skin was pale and she was cold to the touch.

He scanned her for any signs of life. He didn't want to admit it. He looked over and over again untail he couldent deney it anylonger.

He let out a loud sob. Pulling her out of her resting spot. he held her close As He sat down on the floor and started Stroking her hair tears bluring his vishon.

Throuh greet teeth he says

"Im so sorry … im so sorry.”

He regretted leaving her that day he should of stayed forever.

His sobs mixed with her daughter filled the halls as they slowly fade out.

Rust.

Lilliana.

Story by Milktea

[khanlusa]

TFA Teaser

4 chapters into this god damn rewrite and it is 17.3K words already.

Here’s the scene I just finished up, which is the new gang finally getting off Jakku so I can actually start diverging from the fucking plot more. Vace just decided after 10 years of waiting and with the First Order looking for their new guests its time to get off this rock.

-

Rey could barely keep her thoughts straight. It felt like she was vibrating, and her heart raced all the way to Niima Outpost.

The sun had broken the horizon by the time they arrived, and folk were already going about their lives, ferrying supplies or messages, looking for work or browsing market stalls, all of them trying to avoid the attention of First Order patrols that walked the outpost. Most had no luck, and the Stormtroopers appeared to be stopping people at random and demanding information.

Rey clenched her jaw and stuck close to Vace’s back.

Barter chips were for scavengers, but credits still had value in Niima and credits Vace had. Away from the market stalls on the other side of town was Bunker Row, stores and housing repurposed from old military buildings like most of the outpost. Which military was anyone’s guess, but it didn’t matter to the current owners; they were just happy to be selling their wares out of the freezing cold. Of course, Niima demanded extra payment for that privilege.

They needed long-term supplies, sealed rations, bonding tape, a new welder, and some small but critical replacement parts for air and water filtration. Each time they came out of a store, Rey held her breath, watching the streets for any signs of hostility as they slowly loaded up the speeders. The Stormtroopers were present every time, harassing, handling, and shoving folk away when they didn’t get their answers.

For once Niima’s enforcers were nowhere to be seen. Rey clenched her hands.

“Almost done,” Vace murmured, ducking into the last store. Rey followed her after a moment. Ship parts and tools were everywhere inside, hanging on hooks from the ceiling and lining densely packed shelves. Rey kept her eyes on the door while Vace got what they needed.

The giddy, vibrating sensation died down, replaced by a tension that pulled taut the muscles of her back and neck. Her thoughts drifted to Taunul and the way Finn’s eyes deadened recalling it.

Vace passed her with a quiet “come on.” She carried a sealed crate of replacement parts for life support. They left the store and quickly secured the box to Vace’s speeder.

“That’s her! She took it from me!”

Teedo’s reedy voice hit her ears like a whip, and Rey turned to see the little Hutt slime pointing her out to a couple of Stormtroopers. Even with the snow mask on, he recognised her by the speeders. The troopers started running towards them, one yelling commands to freeze, the other alerting the rest, and Rey instinctively threw her hands out with a grimace. The Force slammed into the troopers and sent them flying, startling everyone and giving Rey and Vace the opening to jump on their speeders and race out of Niima.

It wasn’t enough to avoid being followed.

Six First Order speeders raced after them across the plains, catching up bit by bit on the open terrain until Rey swore she could feel them breathing down her neck by the time the Maze was in reach.

Vace signalled to separate, and at the first split in the canyons they took different paths, forcing the First Order to do the same.

The disruptive roar of multiple speeders bolting through the Maze echoed all around her, but Rey knew the canyons well, confidently navigating the turns. One of the troopers inched alongside her and lifted his blaster. Rey clenched her teeth and threw her hand at him, electricity crackling down her arm and out through her fingertips. A small shock caused him to jerk away from her, wrenching the handles of his speeder to one side and turning his vehicle too far. He smashed into the canyon wall and immediately fell behind her in a tumble of fiery wreckage.

A tangle of narrow, coiling passages in the Maze sat dead ahead. Rey allowed the remaining two Stormtroopers to get within ten feet of her before accelerating. Heightened reflexes were the only reason she didn’t smash into the wall at the first tight curve. Neither of her pursuers was as lucky, they both turned too late and crashed into each other, then the wall, and exploded behind her.

She lowered her speed for the rest of the tangle and sped up again once she was out, eager to return home, hoping Vace had similar luck.

A quick and winding path through the canyons brought her back home, and Rey smiled when she saw Vace speed into view alone. They pulled into the hangar, and Rey wrenched off her snow mask, breathing hard.

“Are you alright?” she asked, but Vace was already guiding her speeder towards the Truth Seeker. Rey quickly did the same, and they brought the speeders close to the ship’s cargo lift.

Vace patted her shoulder. “Help EROX get everything on board. I’ll get the ship online.”

Nodding, Rey ran to the house proper and found EROX and Finn packing things away in the main room. “First Order spotted us! We need to get everything loaded, now!”

EROX dutifully lifted two crates onto his shoulders and ducked through to the hangar while Finn baulked. Rey held up her hands. “We were chased, but we lost them in the canyons. It’ll be okay, I promise.” Whether he believed her or not, he nodded and hoisted one of the crates, following after EROX.

As far as she could see they had all the essentials packed up, save for a few personal items she quickly stuffed into a satchel, Force related educational texts, lightsaber tools, and Sulia’s Holocron. The purple, gold-framed octahedron was more sentimental at this point than practical, but Rey would sooner lose her hands than leave it behind, so in the satchel it went.

The Truth Seeker’s engines roared to life, and a wave of emotion crashed into her. Rey coughed, shaking it off—now wasn’t the time. She turned, the satchel slung across her back, and hauled a crate of food into her arms, hurrying through the back door into the hangar. Finn and EROX passed her by, and she could see the ship’s cargo lift was down, the speeders and a couple of crates already loaded.

On the way back, Rey threw the switch for the hangar blast doors and machinery groaned to life above them, light and snow spilling into the dim chamber as the ceiling split open.

Time stretched out, images of the First Order rushing in blasters hot flashing through Rey’s mind, but it took only a few minutes of jogging back and forth to load all the boxes. Once they were sure everything was loaded, Vace hurried into the hangar with Poe in her arms. “Get in!” she barked, BB-8 whistling right behind her.

“<<They’re coming! I saw TIEs!>>”

They piled onto the ship, and EROX sealed the boarding hatch just as the deep boom of an explosion sounded from the front door.

Vace carried Poe down the central hall and into the medbay, setting him down on the single bed available. “Rey, Finn, turrets!” she barked again, darting passed them into the cockpit where EROX followed only a moment later.

Rey gestured quickly, “this way!” Finn followed her to a ladder just behind the cockpit that would take them where they needed to go. He climbed down, and she climbed up into a familiar seat. She clipped in, and the chair slid backwards along a rail to the topside gunner dock where it turned around and anchored with a dull clunk. Grabbing the wired-in earpiece, Rey opened the channel between the gunner docks and the cockpit. “Finn, the comm should be right in front of you to your right, mounted in a white socket just below the canopy.”

He didn’t respond.

The ship lifted off and cleared the blast doors, turning with a slight tilt just as Rey caught sight of three TIEs rocketing towards them. The deflector shield flickered to life just in time to absorb strafing fire, dissipating it through rapidly fading oscillations of gold.

Vace didn’t waste another second. The Truth Seeker shot through the air, angled for the stars.

“Wait!” Finn’s voice finally came through. “Stay close to the ground! It messes with their sensors!”

The ship quickly angled back down, swerving hard to the left with the three TIEs in hot pursuit. Rey grabbed the controls and zeroed in on one of them, firing two quick bursts of yellow energy. One missed, one clipped the wing and trailed smoke through the air but it kept flying.

A shot from Finn blasted the wing off in a spray of fire and metal, sending the TIE into a death spiral. It hit the tree line, snapping the first few branches before it sank out of sight.

The Maze gave way to the plains, and the remaining TIEs strafed again. Crimson bolts shot wide. Rey clenched her teeth. She returned fire on one, but the nimble starfighter managed to avoid it, bobbing and weaving in unpredictable ways to make itself a harder target. Finn seemed just as hard-pressed to hit the other one as it adopted the same tactic.

Old starship wreckage began to pass them by, and Rey realised they were already at the Graveyard. The Truth Seeker turned sharply, twisting as it went, and the hull of a Star Destroyer engulfed Rey’s view barely six feet away. A burst of fire and metal signalled one TIE fighter colliding with a protruding command tower Vace knew was there.

The last TIE avoided the hazard and levelled out, firing on them. Starbursts of red and gold raced overhead, electrical booms that rattled through the canopy, but the shield held. It dipped below her field of vision before Rey could get a clear shot at it and she sucked air through her teeth, hoping Finn could see it.

Clearing the Star Destroyer, Vace made another hard turn. She followed the flow of the landscape, dipping, swerving, and rising sharply to bring them alongside the same Star Destroyer she and Rey scavenged only yesterday. She skimmed the surface too, racing the length of it to a gap between the bridge and the ground.

The Truth Seeker knifed easily through the space, and so did the smaller TIE fighter, but it had nowhere to go as Rey fired at the same time as Finn. They both hit a wing and sent it spiralling into a snowdrift.

Vace angled the Truth Seeker skyward, and the bright blue sky rapidly faded, giving way to the deep blackness of space. Rey blinked a sting from her eyes and glanced at Jakku falling behind them, the curve of the planet growing prominent, the thin band of atmosphere holding everything in except for them.

She held her breath, counted, watching it slowly grow smaller in her field of view. A sharp, pale grey shape caught her eye in the distance—a Star Destroyer, a new one, First Order.

They were headed away from it.

Vace spoke firmly over comms. “Exiting gravity well, jumping in 3, 2, 1…now!”

[firsttarotreader]

P is obviously getting older now (as all of us do). I think he still looks great and much younger than he actually is but, how do the cards suggest that he feels about himself as he grows older?

Hello! Pedro looks gorgeous and fucking hot and we are never disputing this around here, so I asked how HE feels about himself. The first card was The Sun.

This card indicates he is pretty much aware of the changes in his body and mind as he grows older, he sees everything. He sees himself, he shows himself and he is not afraid of that, he is what he is and his body is what it is, for better or for worse.

The next cards were the 6 of Swords, 4 of Swords and 6 of Wands reversed. 6 of Swords points to him actually feeling better now than he did in the past. He might have gone through some hard times when it comes to seeing himself and his body as he grows older, but he's better. He had to distance himself from all these thoughts (4 of Swords) and take a step back and take a good look at how he looks like now and how he will look as he ages. 6 of Wands reversed, however, shows him still having somewhat of a not so great self-image, lacking confidence and being self-deprecating sometimes.

Then we had the Queen of Wands reversed, Page of Wands and The Hanged Man (and yes, I know these cards have showed up in a recent reading and yes, I mix the cards many, many times before I do another one lol, it's just what came up). Queen of Wands reversed in this context is showing again this lack of confidence, lack of energy, shyness, the feeling of being a wallflower, too "common" and not deserving of any spotlight. Page of Wands is pointing to him still being so full of energy and youth and willing to explore EVERYTHING life has to offer him, but the The Hanged Man tells us he is still hesitating, he's hanging, suspended, and not deep diving because of this lack of confidence and lack of will.

The last 3 cards are The High Priestess, Queen of Swords and 3 of Pentacles. The High Priestess could be indicating he has learned so much about himself and life and the world, he is wiser now, and there is still this component of mystery and retreating in him. He can judge things better now and see when they are not what they look like. He might see himself getting older and wiser and choosing what he wants to reveal to the others or not, not necessarily fans, but to everyone around him. Queen of Swords is about him being a lot more rational than he might seem sometimes, he might approach aging in a very rational way, he faces it as he can and he tries to avoid getting too emotional over it. 3 of Pentacles shows the key to that are his connections. He knows he should not be alone in this process, he knows he can (and should) count on his family and friends to help him deal with life and the process of aging.

So even though he might lack confidence sometimes, he also knows it is what it is and that he won't be alone. Interestingly enough, one thing about Pedro's readings is he is always mysterious. There is always something he is not fully sharing, even with his friends, about his emotions. I know he has said he can't keep secrets and all, and I am sure he can be open with his friends about things, but there is something about him that's always present in his readings that advises us to never take everything at vace value, he is not always what he seems, he is not always feeling what he seems to be. This is endlessly interesting in his readings, not gonna lie.

[privateerings]

i don’t think i can count on fingers how often Vace has freaked out during raids because something scared him

when he can, he puts on a tough-guy act but especially in the beginning it was easy to be fazed by, idk, perilous situations that could end in imprisonment or death.

it takes an ungodly amount of energy to stay confident when not calm on the inside.

you can’t line up a shot if your hands are shaking.

[lamblia]

tagged by @cryptcombat thank you!  ✿

tagging @oliviawildesjawline go go power ranger

Vace

⚔ flaws

moody | short-tempered | emotionally unstable | whiny controlling | conceited | possessive | paranoid | lies impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power-hungry greedy | lazy | judgmental | forgetful | impulsive vengeful | stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky | over analytical

♛ strengths

honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky intelligent | confident | focused | humble | generous merciful | observant | wise | clever | charming cheerful | optimistic | decisive | adaptive | calm

[glumnet-blog]

via Vace

correct me if im wrong but i dont think u ever had to experience the mandatory joys of hebrew school. maybe u did i forget i dont want to make you too jealous here but  i went to hebrew school on thursdays and sundays from 7-14 years old.  hebrew school lasted for just a couple of hours but it felt excruciatingly longer than that.  hebrew school was just like going to school, on top of goin to regular, grade school during the week. that is a ratio of 2 schools to every 1 week!  only a generous masochist would send their child to 2 different schools right?   i think it was worse than regular school though, bc i simply didn't have friends there.  the only vivid encounter i remember with a peer before 5th grade was with Lucas in the second grade, whom my mom delicately tried to pair us together in order to have our conversational sparks ignite, over a luigi video game, like she was trying to start a fire in the wilderness out of uninterested rock and twig.  lucas had a 7 year old mullet and had a lot of confidence.  i didn't like either of those things.  especially the mullet shit bc i was a rat tail or die kind of 7 year old.  after my mom literally accompanied me to hebrew school for awhile and the other kids thought i had special needs, she tried the opposite approach.  she hired the UC berkeley student hebrew school teacher to come tutor me once a week for an hour. this was pretty fucking weird.  my hebrew school was pretty lax and progressive.  in retrospect i realize the institution of the temple sinai hebrew school is much more about socializing with other jewish kids and pretending to memorize the va'haf'tah (or actually memorizing it if you're hannah sternberg and like to impress the rabbi) then to actually embed the jewish youth into intense and arduous jewish centered academia.  so having hairy 21 year old Noam awkwardly sit next to me at my kitchen table and timidly correct my mispronunciations of hebrew words was all a wash if you will.  but my mom was a stubborn mom who wanted her son to carry on the 'teachings of our ancestors' a forcefully sentimental phrase that makes you feel like a melodramatic bible scholar whenever u say it out loud.  thankfully these at home sessions didn't last long because of Noam's scheduling problems.  so for the rest of the fourth grade i was free of hebrew school.  but sooner or later fifth grade rolled around and my parents threatened me with no screen time for a month if i didn't go in. no screen time was a punishment way worse than death so i relented.    

i think it was at this first day of fifth grade hebrew school that shit changed.  2 things changed specifically. 1) i made nate laugh and 2) i made julia laugh.  when i wrote earlier i didn't have any friends in hebrew school i mean like i didn't even have acquaintances.  like i lethargically walked into class, pretended to be invisible for 2 hours, hid the bathroom during break times and waited impatiently after class on the sidewalk scouring the downtown oakland avenues for the plain yet angelic white of my moms 1995 honda oddesey.  i had made people laugh before at regular school i guess .  but there was something different about making hebrew school people laugh... i had somehow broken the social engima of this institution i had distain for, for so long.  not only that... it was a different kind of laugh ... at least coming from nate. i didnt just make nate laugh i made that motherfucker crack up.  watching him laugh was like watching a firecracker go off. like i got him in trouble from the teacher he was laughing so hard and uncontrollably.  making julia laugh was different.  she didnt crack up like nate.  but her laughter was genuine nonetheless and just as euphoric. it felt like whatever i imagine heroin to be everytime i saw her begin to open her mouth and smile and vibrate her whole head because of something i had said.  within the space of 2 hours i had acquired my first hebrew school friend and first hebrew school crush.  i was a fucking social millionaire....i would call this period of time, 5th grade, the golden age.   i could make nate laugh consistently and julia was a similarly consistent vessel to validate my 5th grade ego.  i was closer with nate bc we were both boys , and julia already had a very insular and exclusive trio which was not accepting new members.  herself, hannah, and arielle (who demanded to be called ari which i always was irritated by  she was a fake ari.  her real name was arielle! she was a fraud, imposter! my full name is ari.  i am the real ari.  stupid aside)....time pushed forward and 6th grade began.  several important dynamics changed in 6th grade.  the friends of nate who went to his real, 5 day a week school (st pauls) had been assigned to our 6th grade class.  additionally, puberty was pretty vivaciously in affect and thus social hierarchies were further matured as well as a recognition of elementary sexual thoughts and feelings.  i continued to make nate laugh but i felt like my secret companion was bein taken away by his St paul friends.  in order to combat this i tried to befriend all his friends.  something i learned then and throughout my life almost never works.... attempting to pass as an insider in a group where u are and always be an outsider.   i could make nates friend laugh a little bit but they were much more fond of making each other laugh.  also because they went to school with each other nathaniel (different than my friend nate) and jackson had an air of superiority and seniorirty over me.  even in the 6th grade i think i could detect this kind of unspoken social heirachy at play.  and with julia other guys were starting to make her laugh at hebrew school.  if you want to talk about social heirarchy she was definetly the queen of our class.   as puberty progressed the less cool i became.   bc my only claim to fame socially was humor , but i didnt understand all the other shit.  like dressing cool, talking cool, walking cool., etc.   that otther shit became important in middle school if not the rest of my life... because of this, and the fact im just a fucking shmuck at the end of the day , made julia talk to me less.  and with less talking came less laughing.  nate and julia's laugh was to special to me during this time just less frequent... and therefore more rare.  so when i did get it  from them it felt all that much better.

thhere was a point there end of 5th grade start of 6th grade i looked forward to hebrew school. i looked  forward to sitting down in the creaky, plastic black chairs in room 04 and whispering to nate about how ugly our teacher was.  i looked forward to playing tic tac toe with julia in the art room instead of drawing menorahs, and arguing with her about who had the ineferior tic tac toe skills (she did i got XXX like almost everytime ok) .  i even started to like  the fucking moldy, bookish smell of the temple because i associated it with having good times with julia and nate.

in the 7th grade my connections with nate and julia fell apart uninterestingly and sharply .  my friendships were fading with nate and julia before the year even started ....but of course with 7th grade we entered mid'rasha.  mid'rasha is just hebrew school for teenagers, explained my mom on teh car  ride over to my first mid rasha class.  that may be true for my mom but for me mid rasha was a new world.  a world i did not want to reside in.  midrasha was different in many ways, it was at night, it lumped in loud, sparkly 17 year olds with unsure, gangly 13 year olds in the same room, it was a different bigger campus, it was off.  clqiues were formed immiedatly and it was obvious i was not in the st pauls group.  the group nate was in.  i didnt even see julia at all i think she was   being ultra extroverted befriending the royalty that was 17 year olds who wore sean john and listened to MGMT before it was cool ( this was 2007) .  i went to naybe 5 or 6 mid rashas but i understood the jig was up.  i was no longer a funny person in the room nevermind the funniest in the room.  the teachers were young  attractive college students who you couldnt fun of at all for being ugly.  i wasnt even in the same elective as nate anymore so i couldnt whisper ' ruby is ugly' even if i wanted to.   1 time i did have an art class with Julia.  but now as an ambitious and earnest 13 year old she tackled the assignment sincerely.  i saw her drawing these detailed portraits i thought were gross because they reeked of being  a try-hard.  i just wanted to play tic tac toe.

i stopped going to mid rasha and i didnt see nate or julia again for a while. i didnt see nate until i was a junior in HS and i took the SATs at the high school nate attended.  when we were all getting checked in i saw him at a circular lunch table with his st paul friends.  i walked by him to say hello.  we gave each other a stoic and cold ' whats up dude '  .

the next time i saw julia was at my high school school sponsored dance.  at the time i was nervous as shit bc i did not know how much i would have to dance with my then girlfirend, what kind of dance i would have to do, if i should get mad at other guys dancing with her etc.  a bunch of high school dance inspired neuroses were blossoming in my head.   i was suprised as a motherfucker when i walked into the high school lobby and saw julia sitting a dinky plastic table checking students in.   i remember my brain being blank with confusion.  i walked up to her to get checked in.  she said hi ari with a smile.  the kind of trained smile a social butterfly has deployed many a time.  it was an impersonal smile.  it was warm and cold at the same time.  i said hello took my ticket and left without any small talk or acknowledgement of our hebrew school connection.   i went on to dance with my girlfriend a little but to mostly stand around and pep talk boris into making a move on yael.

i have not  seen either of them since.  i had a dream last night i was in hebrew school in the 6th grade.  julia was sitting across the class room.  she was mad i was looking at her and mouthed for me to stop.  nate was sitting next to me like he normally did in the 5th and 6th grade.  but he wasnt trying to exchange goofy remarks with me about all the flaws of the teacher.  instead he was listening attentively.  i leaned into to whisper somthing but he waved his hand faintly.  he was not to be disturbed

in sophmore year of high school my 'mentor' relayed to me that she was getting reports from teachers that i was exhibiting disturbing and unproductive behavior. disturbing and unproduvtive behavior? i thought.   i was just tryna get motherfuckers to laugh.  i was trying to chase the high of the first time i made nate cry.  i was trying to recreate the time julia was so approving of whatever joke i had made she rubbed my leg as an appreciating gesture and said youre soooo funny.  i never was able to recreate those highs in high school.  that kind of blind temporary euphoria stayed untapped, stored in my memories of hebrew school. my mentor said it was problematic that i was so loud and disruptive in class.  she understood i liked to horse around but she argued ' thats not the real you ari.  we both know you are better than that.  the real you is working hard , studying hard, respectful of teachers and avoiding distrations in class.  this class clown act you put on isnt the real you'  

that kind of pep talk , even at the time , felt weird to me.  who are you , some distant authoratative figure i meet with twice a month , to tell me who i am and who i am not.  and much more importantly beyond that, you tell me my true identity is attached to some golden scholar who wouldnt dare partake in the low life humor of classroom banter.  everything about academia makes me ripe with disgust and disinterest.  the only reason why school has been bareable at all is the social aspect.  making people laugh

during junior year of high school i went through my first break up , i cut friends off , friends cut me off, i went to my first funeral, i had an anxiety attack in jerasulem (symbolic of my relationship with judaism....in my opinoin) i felt increasingly alienated from my wealthy and narrow minded private school brethren, started smoking weed every night before bed and so on .  my mood was bad all the time, i was tired, and the last last last thign i wanted to do was to go to school.  this i now realize is my first bouts of Depression (dun dun duuunnnn).  

it is senior year of highh school now.  the students check in for the first time with their mentors.  my mentor relays to me personal behavioral report -  teachers now view me as quiet and respectful.    teachers are somewhat cognizant of my general apathy towards what is in front of me, but complimentary of my willingness  to put my head down and do the school work given to me.  my mentor is smiling and exclaiming ' see ari you did it!  this is the real you.  this is the hard working and respectful guy i know you have always been.  you dont have time for distractions you have higher priorities now' .  i just wanted the meeting to be over so i nodded my head rapidly in agreement.  however in my mind i thought the current version of myself teachers are describing could not  be further from the real  me.  the real me is still at temple sinai room 04 sitting in those cheap, creaky black chairs.  the real me is shaking nate's arm bc i just thought of a joke about the how ugly the spoken version of hebrew sounds to a non native speaker.   the real me is singing stronger by kanye in an obnxious robotic way , parodying the chorus in order to get julia to chuckle.  the real me has not been seen for or heard from for a while.  the new me is content with surviving the day without any interaction with peers.  the new me doesnt want to be seen.  the real me is still poking julia's shoulder, waiting for her to turn her head

[hirokiyuu]

Vibrating with Thoughts and Emotions from the dyssol + sym royal au thing but consider (bc he never leaves my brain either he might not be rex but he's got his little square and a dunce cap) arranged marriage vace and sol and both of them are like oeugh. This is such a Situation. And sol is ready to get it over with and vace is being. Vace. And the wedding happens (in my mind everyone is always a little in love with sol no matter what so theres lots of tears everywhere for a wild variety of reasons) and technically vace is the one that married in so hes prince consort and NOT happy about it and keeps trying to throw his weight around but sol has a metaphorical spray bottle and "No, Bad Vace" their way through the first year of being together and im realizing now this doesnt really have a set point but i just think theyd have many misadventures becoming each others closest confidants and worst enemies and also trying to fall in love but swiftly deciding it would be a threat to national security also vace brought rex along for some reason (<- is deranged)

THIS IS SOOOOOO VALID IM SHAKING UR HANDS!!!! THIS IS FUN i think any situation where vace and sol end up in a political marriage is like. wow! wow! that's going to be so bad for everyone involved! i htink honestly. the best end here is vace leaves (positive) and they write each other letters for years nad then one day vace comes back and sol is like. this is my new guard captain his name is olive. and everyone's like. that's so clearly your ex-husband who the fuck are you trying to fool

[privateerings]

2, 3, 20

MUNDAY ASKS: SALT EDITION

What are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

Finn’s character arc is by far the most interesting and fresh idea coming out of the sequel trilogy and they did him a damn disservice bait-and-switching his lightsaber fight with kylo ren to Rey. If they aren’t going to let him be a force sensitive human using a lightsaber then they better have another arc in the next two movies that make him feel just as important as he did in TFA and resolve the whole loophole of First Order Stormtrooper’s humanity. They’re introducing “Basically Loyalty Officer” stormtroopers so fucking. do it. you cowards.

I’m gonna put my head down and go to sleep when we inevitably see Kylo Ren flying around in his own special vader TIE Fighter killing tons of Resistance pilots because aaa he’s not a threat on the ground. :((( we gotta do something cool

What rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

reblog karma. i get where ppl are coming from with that. it’s frustrating to have many followers and few-to-none may send and ask but they’ll reblog it. but it’s just silly. and guilt-trippy as hell. you can always reblog the meme again if it doesnt get any biters. chillout. it is literally not worth yours or your follower’s stress.

rly small contained themes that are black and grey. they are hard to read. it has nothing to do with how good one’s vision is, it is still hard to read because our eyes are not made for that shit. same with very small, very zoomed in and pixellated/distorted icons with 2-3 colors. the point of an icon is to further visualize what a character is doing or feeling and sometimes idk what im even looking at. i LITERALLY dont know if im seeing a face or something else sometimes. what’s the point if the creator is the only one who can see something posted to the public? lmao

If you’re feeling salty right now, this ask gives you a free reign to pour out your frustration.

I’m not salty about it right now but at the time of rbing the meme I was kinda salty feeling like, I guess at myself for being bad at writing Vace. But it may not be me being bad at rping him, but it just feels like, obviously I goof around a lot with him because that’s how I like to do but ICly it feels like a lot of muses don’t take him seriously. And I’m sure ppl have their reasons, sometimes muses are just like that and naturally have that response of “oh, whatever, he’s an idiot that doesn’t know what he’s doing” towards a character type like his. Some are just more sassy and sarcastic and that opens themselves up to feeling that way. there’s NOTHING wrong with that. but then sometimes I see how other muses who are also antagonistic, who are full of themselves, they still seem to get treated with respect much more often than he does. And like I said, it’s not a bad thing when people underestimate or roll their eyes at things he does or says in RPs. Most of the time, I as the person who has to write him am usually having that reaction behind the screen, too. Everyone knows that. 

But in situations where he is being more serious, when other muses continue to downplay not only his abilities but his intelligence (something that in a headcanon I mentioned really gets under his skin), and it’s only happening to him, it’s like… it starts to make me think it’s something else. That either I’m not roleplaying him right (as in, not being as accurate to what a criminal should do in XY particular situation), or that he’s being grossly misinterpreted or oversimplified (which ppl have done to many of my ocs in the past fsr). The second I can’t control unless I start actually doing what villains do in that one villain post–actually dishing out punishment on muses who do that. I play things fairly softly for the sake of comfort and not seriously endangering other people’s muses when I know in some situations Vace would straight up shoot at someone with no further questions because in the underworld, if you’re not respected, you’re already dead. 

so idk, yknow? i dont know what it is, if it’s not how i roleplay him, maybe it’s the fact that he’s young for someone in his profession, that he comes from money, that he hasn’t been fighting his whole life to be some badass,(none of these a muse should inherently know) that yes he IS winging it sometimes, that his confidence gets the better of him in situations where it shouldn’t, and obviously when he’s not working he doesn’t try to act like a pirate, or maybe its because he doesn’t look like a Matthew Fucking Daddario or Norman Reedus or something it’s just something I noticed recently and kinda bugs me because it feels like it’s not intended to be offensive but when it’s happening often then uhhhhhh