#v who makes triple that amount a day: oh no! anyways

[strigital]

Johnny: what is the dog doing? 🤔🐕👀

V: his best 🥺🙏💓

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH. 10

Even with the fatigue you felt after your laughing tic, you couldn't go to sleep at all last night. Which isn't a big deal, after all you are a chronic insomniac who has had an on off sleep schedule this week.

After twelve fifty-two hit and you still weren't tired or even close to doing your tired tics you did the only thing you could think to do on this technical Saturday morning. You started on your weekly tidy of the house. Bless whatever powers at be that you ended up in this cottage outside of town rather than an apartment unit surrounded by neighbors. The amount of complaints you would've gotten would have surely gotten you evicted.

It's not like you could stop this behavior, well you could but if you start doing nothing when you have spurts of insomnia you'll get lazier when you need to be productive. Banking on the fact that you'll just do it when you have insomnia. It happened all the time when you were in school, and while that worked for a while it wasn't a healthy way to cope with your sleep disorder.

You've found doing productive things or anything you would do when the sun was up typically helps you regulate you circadian rhythm faster than it ever did when you just laid in bed praying for sleep to take you.

It isn't at all surprising when you finish your chores around two forty that morning. With nothing better to do and not being at all in the mood to do any attempt at art or reading. You decide to settle in to watch a movie. It starts with scrolling through Netflix and seeing Coraline, then that turns into Paranorman, which turned into Corpse Bride, several episodes of the old Twilight Zone.

By the time you were finished with the fourth episode it was already one in the afternoon. You really needed to start baking if you wanted fresh cookies for the movie tonight. Setting up your monster movie hard drive to play a movie for background noise you set out on baking.

It's a super simple recipe you started using back in high school but it's always a hit at parties. Maybe it's because you fold candies, chocolates, nuts, or whatever topping into each cookie individually. You can't say for sure but everyone loves them, and you think that's nice.

Creaming butter while the sounds of a woman screaming in agony as a zombie eats her lower intestine seems very much on point for you. However, you soon find yourself drowning out the movie as you hyper focus on the mixing of ingredients. You tripled the recipe, hoping to make a mixture of mini sugar cookies, mini chocolate chip cookies, and mini mini M&M cookies. If you had thought about it more you might have grabbed a jar of maraschino cherries to add them to the mix. Although you think three batches of mini cookies might be a little excessive so four may have been overkill.

'Oh well, no turning back now.' you think preheating the oven for four hundred degrees and roll tiny half inch dough balls while you wait.

After about fifteen minutes you assume the oven is hot enough to start baking. You line the first tray up all with sugar cookies. You only get two thirds of the bowl down on that tray. It was your biggest one too. Setting a timer for ten minutes so you could turn the cookies to let them bake for another three after that, you turn your attention to folding a handful of chocolate chips into the next bowl's dough balls. Placing the new chocolate chip dough into the bowl holding the rest of the sugar cookie dough as you go. You nearly finish that when the timer goes off to spin the tray. Honestly at this rate all your dough will be ready before you even have one bowl down. You hope you can finish baking in time for the movie.

It's five o' two by the time you put the last batch in the oven. You've been cleaning as the cookies baked and now your kitchen is nearly clean once more. Just a few more dishes to do after that batch comes out and you pack up the cookies.

Letting the most recent batch have a chance to cool you start placing all the cookies in your three largest containers. You'll need to grab a fourth container for the last of the cookies, but all the cool cookies are now ready for transport.

And with how early in the evening it is you should eat something now so you can have some room for snacks later. Time to finish off that pizza. Taking a slice out to the bins and placing it neatly on the ground for Chonk, whenever it is he decides to come and claim it, you turn back around to finish baking and get your dinner. After pulling the cookies out and setting them to cool you reheat your dinner for tonight.

Sitting down, plate in hand, you're just able to catch the shift into the next movie. Teen Wolf 1985 starring Micheal J. Foxx. Not a scary movie by any means but you keep it in the storage drive for rainy days. And even though today isn't raining you think it'll be a good watch.

You can not believe how utterly painful that was to have just watched. It was so average that it might as well not had the werewolf aspect at all! The acting was average, makeup was ok for the time, but the writing was just the worst. And the ending basket ball scene? It felt like a cheesy early 2000s Disney Channel original movie. You're pretty sure if you combined several Disney movies you'd have that exact plot. Hell Don't Look Under the Bed was scarier than that, and it was a better story too.

Checking the time you see you have about the average length of a Disney Channel movie before you have to leave. Good because you really want to watch Don't Look Under the Bed now. Switching over to your Disney+ account you find said movie and rush to put everything up as it runs through the beginning credits. With cookies packed away and the containers stacked and ready you plop back on your couch to immerse yourself in the early 2000s “horror”.

Just as the hand comes from under the bench to caress Fran a knock rings through your home, effectively startling you. Your eyes shift over to your front door, it's nearly eight thirty on a Saturday who or what is all this far out? Getting up from the couch you make your way over to your door, unlike every horror movie you have your phone and contacts pulled up and ready to dial. Phone behind your back and thumb hovering over Hollis' contact you open the door. Where three figures greet you.

Tim stands in front of the other two, dressed in dark jeans a gray tank top and red flannel with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Brian stands behind him and to his right, he's wearing regular jeans and an olive v-neck. Jesus fucking Christ is it 2012 and no one told you? Toby off to Tim's left is in black jeans a black t-shirt with a green short sleeve button up that has a little alien head pattern. Well, they don't look like they're here to murder you with an ax, so you move the hand from behind your back and let it rest by your side.

Missing the two tense gazes as you move the appendage.

“...Um, hi?” what would normal people do in this situation? Was this even a normal situation to find yourself in, what with three men you've just met at your front door.

Tim seems to be looking for his words, he must be out of his element as well. On the other hand Brian seems content to let Tim flounder around for a bit, all the while Toby wrings his hands together. You can't tell if it's from nerves or his tics.

“Hey..uh, so you mentioned Saturday Dead. But we're new so..and we..” Tim is even worse with human interaction than you are.

“We were wondering if 'stop it' if you wanted to ride with us and give us directions.”

Oh that makes sense.

“Yea sure thing, c'mon in. I'll go get ready.”  You give the men some space to enter your home. Then lead them to your living room,

“Make yourselves comfy.” you say as you leave them to change.

Once in your room you lock the door, although you believe you have a good reading on Toby to not be the type you can't be too safe around new men.  You opt to change into the first shirt you grab from your closet, black t-shirt with several flatwoods monsters on it along with the phrase 'squad goals' and a pair a black joggers. Perfectly comfy for a chill movie night at the crypt.

“That was fast.” is the first thing you hear when you reenter the living room.

Toby had no problems making himself comfortable in your home, since he is sitting on the couch, seemingly watching the movie with your fidget cube in hand. Brian and Tim, on the other hand, were leaning on the wall separating the living room and kitchen.

“What d'you mean?” you asked Tim confused, tilting your head to the side.

“Well, uh” he seems embarrassed by this for some reason, “women normally take a long time changing is all.” Ooooooh now you get it he's a misogynist.

The room goes quiet with Tim's stupid opinion. Toby ceases all fidgeting, Brian however looks as though he's a cat that caught a canary. He must enjoy the pain and embarrassment of others, the dick.

“Mmmh I don't think that's true,” you'll let this one slide but Tim's on thin ice, “Anyway I'm not a woman. I'm trans agender.” Tim has the decency to look embarrassed for stuffing his foot into his mouth. But it isn't really his fault you never mentioned your pronouns or lack of gender to him, and you mix and match your masculine and feminine days. Understandably you won't blame him for not knowing your pronouns but that misogynistic comment will still be marked as a red flag.

“I am so sorry.” and he truly does sound sorry for the slip up.

You shake your head and shoo away his apology, “It's good, you didn't know.”

“We ready to go?” you ask looking around the room. Tim and Toby nod, the younger man moving off the couch to stand with you all when Brian speaks up.

“Actually, Toby don't you have to use the restroom?” Said man pauses on his way over to your little group, “No.” voice laced with confusion and irritation.

Tim jumps in with a stern, “I really think you should.” Toby cuts his eyes at Tim and Brian.

As weird as it is for one grown man to tell another to go to the bathroom, let alone two grown men, you quickly remember Toby's CIPA.

“Dude the drive itself is gonna be nearly an hour plus the two hour movie. The Cryptonomica only has one bathroom and like thirty people will be there tonight.” You assumed you'd also get a glare for insisting on the matter. But you only get Toby's furrowed brow in response and he looks uncomfortable right now, not intimidating. He's probably embarrassed that his new acquaintance...friend? Is also present for the topic of his bathroom habits.

With another glare to Tim and Brian, Toby pushes past you and down the hallway. Normally this would leave you in an awkward situation but thankfully you have escape tasks!

Marching over to the entertainment center you turn off the TV. Spotting your fidget cube on the table where Toby left it, you decide to pocket it just in case he'd want to use it for the movie.

A loud thud startles you and you look up to see Tim picking up a few books that fell from the bookshelf.

'Weird...' you think as you watch him place them back onto the shelf they fell from.

“A...sorry.” as he places them back you notice one side of the shelf is tilted downwards. It must've just lost that little nub that holds the shelf up in that corner. You probably have a few spares floating around in one of your trinket holders.

You give Tim a small 'it's fine' as you pass him on your way to the kitchen. Cookies all set on the counter you go over to your fridge and grab the popcorn bag off the top. Opening the fridge and retrieving the Surge for Kirby you are all set on your snacks for tonight.

Placing the Surge and popcorn on top of your cookie containers you go back to the living room to join the boys in waiting for Toby. Who is already coming out of the bathroom, drying his hands on his jeans....He knows you had a towel for that right?

“We should be good to leave now.” Brian says turning from Toby to you.

“Ok yea, after you guys.” you side stepped  back into the kitchen doorway to let the men pass you.

“Want some help?” Toby asked as he walked closer. And as much as you wanted to say no you had it, you really didn't want to drop the Surge and have a big mess everywhere.

Nodding to him, thinking he was just going to take the things at the top or even the top container with them. Toby reaches out and barely brushes your hands at the bottom before taking the entire load into his own arms.

It felt like someone rubbed sandpaper across your knuckles and fingers where his hands touched. The burning sensation persisted even long after his hands had moved away.

It's the first time you've gotten bad vibes from Toby's touch. He's probably in a bad mood, his touch hasn't held much intention before but this hurts. Or you could totally be reading too much into this with too little sleep and you just aren't having a tactile day. You never have tactile days really just small windows where if someone is lucky they can squeeze a pat on the shoulder or a high five out of you.

“Hey, that's not helping.” you call out following the men out of your home.

“It's not?” he asks, “Then what is it?” why's he have to sound so smug about this.

“Condescending.” Toby blinks in surprise at the no nonsense tone of your voice.

You weren't harsh with your words...at least you don't think so. You were just stern in how you said them, wanting to get your point across.

Turning from the men you lock your door and check twice to make sure. When you turn back to face them you grab the top two containers of cookies, and subsequently the popcorn and Surge laying atop it, from Toby.

“This is helping. I could do this much at least.” Toby nods dumbly as you pass them and make your way to the cars.

“We can take ours, we'll drive you back.” Tim says unlocking their little sedan.

That seems fine, after all if you ended up wanting to stay later Kirby would totally let you crash on the couch in the basement and take you home in the morning. Or whenever he woke up tomorrow. And that way you wouldn't be keeping the boys too late. It is their first Saturday Night Dead and first time meeting most of the young adults in town. The night was bound to get draining.

You agree and hop into the back seat on the driver's side, Toby sliding in from the opposite side, leaving Brian to take the passenger seat and Tim to drive. You and Toby place the cookies in the middle seat and you thank him for his help. He quickly nods and looks out the window, knee starting to bounce slightly.

“Where am I going?” Tim asked as you all got buckled in.

“Ok, so we can either drive all the way through town or drive through the forest and across the river.”

“Which is faster?” Brian chimes in as Tim bristles.

“Forest.” You do catch Tim's reflection rolling his eyes at your reply.

To be fair with this group you wouldn't chance getting stuck in the forest on your way to a horror movie night. Like that's kind of a horror movie cliché right there. You and Toby are young enough that you're sure someone would mistake you two for late teens, in fact you know it's happened to you several times in the past week alone. While you're fine going into the forest at night by yourself it's only because horror movies don't center around one person dying in a forest by some ancient entity.

'But they do start that way.' that thought almost makes you want to cut back on your nightly hikes, unfortunately you have no other coping mechanisms for your insomnia other than hiking or driving. So you'll ignore that thought for now.

The car is quiet as everyone waits for someone to respond. Toby's knee bouncing is more obvious as it begins to jostle the car. He's also staring down at his hands, still red from his picking yesterday, wringing them together. Clearly the stationary car is getting to him, he breaks the silence.

“Will someone fucking say something?”

“Sorry,” you say gently to him, “Yea we can just go through town. Tim do you know where Whistle's Auto is?”

“Uh yea,” you catch his quick glance towards Toby in the rear view mirror.

“Cool just head in that direction and keep on Highland Street.”

That's all you had to say before Tim was shifting gears and driving off. You notice quickly that he's a faster driver than Toby was. It's yet to be seen if that should make you uneasy, you'll have to see how well he breaks.

When you guys had made it through town and Tim came to a stop in front of a sign proudly stating 'Welcome to the Cryptonomica' they were understandably concerned by the lack of a building or any other cars. You get out of the car and grab two of the cookie containers, when you made a grab for the other two and the snacks on top Toby kept them out of your reach and exited the car as well.

“So where is...everything?”

“Oh we have to hike. The shop's further in the forest.” you say as you walk on past Tim.

“You said people were gonna be here.” Brian chimes in.

Right this now looks like you have dragged them to a parking lot in the middle of no where in a small town that they don't really know people in. Great going YN. Way to look like the bait for a weird cult looking for sacrifices.

“Yea the Hornets. They're the local “biker” gang.” the stunt group probably had the dirt bikes out today, it was nice enough for it.

Understandably the men hesitated before following you. Toby was the one who quickly caught up with you, perks of longer legs, and matched your speed to the shop. It didn't even take five minutes before you saw the shop and a few Hornets out front smoking or just plain loitering.

A chorus of “YN!” “Hey we missed you last week.” “Yo, did you hear..” rang through as you greeted the group. Upon seeing the containers of cookies the chorus was replaced with cheers and you were given excited praise as they made way for the four of you to be let in. So embarrassing, you flush under the praise getting a little energy boost from it as well. Your mood however changes when you lock eyes with the person running the booth tonight. Keith Warren, second in command and assistant manager of the Hornets. Despite having no beef and all the same friends you two have never clicked. It's almost your thing to be completely rude to each other when you do interact.

“Warren.”

“LN” his disdain is clear too, “Ten dollars bucket.” he hadn't even looked at you the jerk!

“Forty tonight, brought friends.” you placed the containers you had on the table as you dug the money from your wallet to pay for you all.

Keith does look up at that, literally the only time more locals come in is during Halloween when they want to get into the spooky season. So he's surprised to see three new faces attending Saturday Night Dead.

“Hey there, name's Keith.” you roll your eyes as he introduces himself to the group, you'll just slip away now since you already paid.

“Rude!” Kieth calls out, “Small talk!” you respond. You vaguely hear the rest of the introductions and Keith waving off the guys when they try to pay again. Oh maybe you should have actually told them you'd pay for their tickets, you thought it was obvious you invited them and they even drove you here. It's just polite that you cover their tickets this week.

Soon Toby is back by your side, you have a feeling you won't be able to loose him tonight if you tried, as you walk through the shop and towards the trap door in the back. The trap door that leads to the panic room converted into movie theater on Saturdays. Once you get down you bee line for the table in the back that is already half filled with snacks and some sodas. With Toby still following you he copies your moves of opening the containers and placing them on the table. You take the Surge and popcorn away from Toby, throwing the popcorn over in the direction of your corner seat and bring the Surge over to the man working on the white screen set up.

“Present.” Kirby pays no mind to you as he struggles with the screen. So you wait silently for him to just kick the thing and move on. Like clockwork Kirby kicks the bottom cover and the rest unravels perfectly.

“I need to replace this.” he says, just like he does every week.

“Oooh thank you.” he grabs the battery acid marketed as a beverage and spirits off. Weird guy.

“That's Kirby, he runs this place. Normally very chill but between the Picnic and movie night he ….just needs a break.” it's the nicest way you can put it. Toby just nods and scans the room wringing his hands together uncomfortably. You've noticed he hasn't ticced once since leaving the car, maybe he's suppressing them despite how anxious he clearly is.

Doing your own scan of the room you see that Tim and Brian haven't made their way in yet, Keith probably talking their ears off. Better them than you, you suppose. You're about to ask Toby if he wants to find them when the local power couple walks in.

“Party starting soon my dudes sit tight!” Jake announces as he and Hollis walk in to take their usual seats.

“Op spoke too soon babe, YN's here.” Hollis let out a chuckle when you rolled your eyes.

“Came without a soap box, hope cookies are suitable.”

And both are already grabbing a few of your mini cookies before they've even sat down. You really are glad you made them. Remembering Toby's with you, you introduce him to your friends.

“Tobais these are my friends Jake,” the blonde smiles warmly, “and Hollis.” They cover their mouth and toss a peace sign up as their mouth is still full. “And this is my friend Tobais.” he raises a hand to greet them.

“Hey, you're the new guy over at Auto right? You fixed Katrina's bike up quicker than Lewis ever does.” When Toby nods Hollis continues, “Man she's been saying how much smoother it rides now. Think I can stop by this week and get you to take a look at mine?”

“Yea, that should be fine.” and with that the two began to talk shop, literally. They just started talking about Hollis' bike. Normally all the Hornets do their own maintenance on their bikes but their motorcycles still need inspections and what not. This is really working out for you, your friends all getting along.

Thankfully it seems the topic calms Toby down a little, and you can see a head twitch or two make it's appearance as the two speak. Hollis being the chill person they are, and being used to your own brand of tics, makes no comment or acknowledgment of his tics.

Jake pulls you into a conversation about plans for a hang out at H2Woah that was fun, later after all the picnicing was done. Said he wanted to try surfing in the wave pool, you aren't sure about it but you agreed you'd teach him at least the basics of surfing if he taught you how to snow board. Didn't take much for the deal to be sealed.

Tim and Brian finally made their way down to the basement and you raised a hand so they could find you and Toby. Really it wouldn't have been too difficult but with everyone starting to pack in you didn't want anyone to be out of the group. Introductions had been made and everyone took to their seats.

You were already in the corner opening your popcorn when Toby sat down on your left blocking you from the rest of the room. Thinking on it if Toby wanted to eat he'd probably be too self conscious of his scar to take his mask off.

“Hey...actually would you mind if we switched?” he just gave you a lazy look before standing up and letting you scoot into his previous spot before sitting down in your spot. This way you could in theory block the view of his scar later.

You notice how his eyes dart in the room, despite Brian and Tim being just behind you two Toby still seemed on edge in the space. He has looked a bit uncomfortable all night, maybe that's why he was sticking to your side. You're way less outgoing than Brian is and Tim seems content to let him do his own thing. You feel bad, like you pressured him into coming and now he's paying for it. Toby looks a few minutes away from ripping the skin around his nails off again and you don't want a repeat of that.

“Here.” you whisper as the lights go off, handing Toby the cube from your pocket.

It's a quiet moment between you two as the trailers of the DVD play out and Toby focuses in on the cube. You note how he gravitates to the marble and joystick sides the most, always moving his thumb across each in a counterclockwise motion before reversing for a beat. Counter counter switch counter counter switch counter counter counter switch.

Once he found his rhythm with the toy you see tension leave his shoulders a little. Is he even able to feel the tension in his muscles?

You shift focus to the screen as the opening credits play out. And if you weren't sitting so close to Toby you'd missed the clucking sound coming from him. Knowing he'd get more anxious about his tics in this “quiet” setting you opt to ignore them and focus on the movie. After all the more relaxed he is the less likely he is to tic meaning the less anxious he is and more he can enjoy himself tonight.

About a third of the way through the movie you catch Toby sliding his mask off one ear, letting it shield his scarred cheek, and grabbing a handful of popcorn. You can't hide the giddy grin on your face from the action. To say you were worried about Toby not enjoying tonight was an understatement. But he had to have felt some comfort to slide his mask off in public, right? Your reassurance comes in the form of another handful of popcorn, as Toby pays no mind to you and only to the demon currently dancing on the screen.

With a terrible movie playing and a less anxious friend at your side you settle down a bit more yourself. Barely noticing when your head falls on Toby's shoulder as you slip into unconsciousness.

You wake up to the roaring of Kirby's snores and popcorn in your hair. A typical Sunday morning for you since arriving in Kepler.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 18.12.20 lb

hey, less talking, more “climaxing”, buddy boy. put your errrrr..... mouth where the ......... 5 crore is? idk man, i just want them to fuck.

as hot as these two are, boy oh boy, i would not wanna be riddhima rn, sandwiched in between these absolute fucking haraamis.

ugh naach gaana time. have to switch to a whole other low-quality video to watch the thing with the song. ouff. fucking voot.

ok forget what i said before. i wanna be sandwiched. i wanna be sandwiched!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME BE THE CHEESE IN THIS HOTASS SANDWICHHHHHHH, YOU RIDICULOUSLY GOOD LOOKING FUCKERS!!!!!! WHITE SHIRTS FOLDED UP TO THE ELBOW IS MY FUCKING KRYPTONITEEEEEE.

but also asdkljfldjflkjflskdjflk kabir’s confidence striding into this couple dance is just..............goals. fuck, life mein itna confidence chahiye. idhar main couple’s dance hi na karoon apne pati ke saath, let alone cut into ANOTHER COUPLE’S DANCE.

anyway the dancing is real awkward. every single one of them looks ridiculous. this is just a fucking ridiculous situation on the whole. i can’t believe the rest of the fam is just standing there watching this. i hope they all have a healthy amount of booze in them, coz i’m literally dying of cringe here watching this sober.

they’re playing V’s statement to R, and his EXACT words are “flying dance matlab tumhe mujhe apni baahon mein lena hoga” and LMAO WHAT IF THE CONDITION IS THAT SHE BE THE ONE THAT CATCHES *HIM* AS HE LEAPS INTO *HER* ARMS!?!?!!?!!?!? NOW THERE’S A SCENE I’D LIKE TO SEE: 5-FEET-ON-HER-TALLEST-DAY HELLY, HOLDING 6 AND A HALF FOOT RRAHUL UP ALOFT, DIRTY DANCING STYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you might even say..... that i’ll......... have the time of my lifeeeeeeeee........ watching it????

anyway, sis decides to go for it. coz i guess she’s still below 28, where you can make these kinda sudden movements and still be totally fine. i sleep funny for a one hour nap and i can’t move the rest of the day without groaning.

well damn. y’all really need to get a room. AND DO SOMETHING IN THAT ROOM OTHER THAN BICKER. I MEAN, DO THAT TOO, BUT LIKE, WHILE DOING OTHER STUFF. IT’S CALLED MULTITASKING!

anyway she’s like happy now, patrick swayze ki chhattiiii aulaad? now just stopppppppppp kabir from fucking shit uppppppp.

kabir has started speechin’. i’m too busy looking at vishal’s neck and chest tho. mmmmmmmmmhmmm they need to keep him in this shirt forever and ever and ever. THIS NEEDS TO BE THE UNIFORM OF THIS SHOWWWWWWWWWW FOR ALL THE MENNNNNN.

where the fuck he get baby pics and shit of riddhima from????

LMAO THERE’S ALSO A PICTURE OF THE BOL NA HALKE HALKE SEQUENCE. KABIR IS ONE OF THOSE INCEPTION WAALE BHAIYYAS OR WHAT, KI RIDDHIMA KE DREAM SEQUENCE MEIN GHUS KE PHOTU LE LIYA/?????

Chehre Appreciation Break.

dikhaaa di photo manhoos ne.

K soap style triple zooms into everyone’s face as shock and disbelieffffffffffffffffffff.

kabir speeching some more about how this isn’t vansh and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who even is listening to this shit? not me. i’m just here admiring vishal.

V slowwwwwwwwly but surely losing his shit vansh style is really getting me excited. it’s like watching the hulk morph.

ofc everyone is YET againnnnnnn jumping on the bandwagon and like omgggg this isn’t vanshhhhhhhhh. ISHANI, TUM BHI????? AFTER ACCUSING ANGRE OF HAVING TRUST ISSUES JUST HOURS AGO FOR NOT BELIEVING THIS IS VANSH???? BEHEN, KUCH TOH CONSISTENCY RAKHOOOOOOOOOO.

omg its happening its happening V about to hulk smashhhhhhhhhhhh

YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS KYA PHENKA!!!!! SSO KA PHONE PHENKNA YAAD AA GAYAAAA BHAI WAAAAAH!!!!!!

lol the way he chabaofied out “HALFFFFFFFFFFFF BROOOOO”

YOU GET AN ENVELOPE, AND YOU GET AN ENVELOPE, AND YOUUUUU GET ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE GETS AN ENVELOPE!!!!!!!

lmao V’s spent some time on photoshop, stealing pics from everyone’s instagrammmmmmmmmm.

anyway, he’s like i guess you’re alllllllll doppelgangers then. fuck you idiots, how many fucking times i gotta prove to you guys that i’m me. this is the stupidest fucking bullshit i have ever had to deal with in my life, and trust me, I HAVE DEALT WITH A LOT OF STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT OVER THE YEARS THANKS TO YOU PEOPLE.

which phewwwwwwwww, is a wholeass Eldest Tellywood Son Mood. someone please take all these boys and give them a socially distant vacation from their fuckup families. they really need it.

lmao he called kabir a bewakoof police officer again. every time V calls K a dumbass, riddhima probably has a mini-orgasm.

sis like omg, it vansh????? it sounds and acts like vansh?!?!?! babe, dimaag ki nahi toh at least listen to your pussy *cough WHOSAIDTHAT cough* heart that’s telling you it’s vansh.

ok he’s started throwing shit around now and bro, those are HER birthday gifts, not YOURS to trash like this.

he’s literally going up to every single one of them and growling at them ki LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME WHO I AM and everyone’s fuckingggggggggggg terrified and saying it’s you vansh, you’re vansh, you’re our vansh!!!!!! lmaoooooo amazing.

“tumhe mein sab mein shaamil nahi kar sakta, kyunki kabir ne dono hi scenarios mein tumhe mera partner bana diya. lekin phir bhi riddhima, kya lagta hai tumhe; kaun hoon mein? jis vansh ko tumne almost kho diya, kya wohi laut ke aaya hai, ya koi aur?”

wifey like ofccccc it you, boo thang. (NOW IF ONLY YOU COULD CONVINCE YOURSELF OF THAT, SIS.)

slowwwwwwwwww turn. whenever he does this, you should run. coz he’s coming for the jugular.

one “SAY MY NAME BITCHHHHHHHHH” chunauti here also. and what else to say but................

“tum hi asli vansh ho.”

‘LOUDER YOU STUPID FUCK, AS LOUD AS YOUR DUMBASS ACCUSATIONS WERE.’

bulwa hi diya, lol.

dadi like aaj ke baad no one is to talk about this dumbfuckery again. you hear meeeeee???? sure dadi. sure. they should listen to you and keep mum for about.......... 3 days? next week, yehi baasi raita phailna hai.

riddhima putting some shuddh desi ghee in this aag saying kabir should at least apologize na??? and dadi is demanding that chotuuuuu maangofy maafi from bhaiyya.

LMAO WHAT TYPICAL BROTHERS. IF DADI WASN’T HERE, THESE TWO WOULD BE SORTING THIS OUT THE WAY REAL BROTHERS DO. (*fondly remembers the dangal the oBros had in the redux IN THIS VERY LIVING ROOM, and sighs happily*)

dadi’s like that’s enough for all you degenerates. go the fuck to sleep. now.

oh they gonna fuck. they gonna fuck real hard tonight.

not the face i’d be making at that prospect; but, oh well, not everyone’s a thirstyass ho like me.

[okayoonoh]

JOHNNY’S FAMILY

a/n: here is the second part! i’ll do my best to make it so you don’t necessarily have to read taeil’s part, but i mean, i don’t mind if you go and do that ...

here’s a link to the entire masterlist! again, the only other part is taeil’s so far so i mean... y’all should check it out :)

JOHNNY SEO:

he has three kids, 2 boys and 1 girl, in that order. noah seo is the oldest son, 4 years later, leo seo was born, 5 years later (when noah was 9 and leo was 5), luna seo, the youngest and only girl, was born.

NOAH SEO: >> as a baby <<

oh man, a cutie cutie cutie

like everyone was heart eyes over him when he was born 

like

the second he was in your arms and johnny’s arms, he let out the cutest eye smile

he started his flirting career young 

for example 

noah would give you and johnny smiles

but then he starts to make y’all work for it a little bit more

like you have to work really hard to make him smile (like jumping, dancing, singing your heart out)

and maybe he’ll give you a small smile

but the second a pretty lady walks by, noah is all smiles

you and johnny are like ??? 

bc you’re out here dancing until you collapse

and noah won’t give you the time of day

but a pretty person walks by and noah is suddenly all smiles?

just a huge flirt from the second he could smile

he was a pretty active baby

ig kinda normal? like cried, pooped, threw tantrums, he wasn’t too much of a headache 

kinda just the “normal” amount tbh

but like if y’all are in public and he starts to cry

but another pretty person walks by

he’ll literally suck it up

and like just stop crying 

you and johnny are just so confused whenever this happens 

anyway

he was just such a pretty baby growing up?

nothing would phase him too much tbh 

is really cuddly (especially with yoojin)

>> as a child << 

literally the pretty boy of the class

grade wise? not good, not bad

just enough to pass, but not make anyone nervous lol

all of the girls think he’s so attractive 

it all started in this stage 

he’s really friendly and pretty kind 

but

the second someone hurts one of his friends? 

oh no

his other side comes out and it’s v v scary

like if someone was bullying moon yoojin, taeil’s oldest daughter

good luck

he flirts with anyone and everyone 

he was born to flirt

he’s best friends with ten’s oldest son, kasem leechaiyapornkul (kaleb) (they’re born the same year)

when they’re together, they’re just like their dads

like from the second they started hanging out together, they started acting like their fathers when they would hang out together

it was weird dude

like genetics is crazy

they both can speak english and like refuse to talk to each other in anything other than english

kaleb teaches noah thai while noah teaches kaleb korean

they’re chemistry together is just so good

like they’re just crackheads vibing together

everyone knew that he would become a model when he grows up

at this stage, he doesn’t really want to be a model

he like wants to be a soccer player or something idk 

but subtly, he always knew that he wanted to be a model

oh yeah, he was kinda a late bloomer in height terms 

but like one summer later? 

he suddenly grows like really really really tall? 

and his voice gets really deep? 

and everyone is so confused again

from that growth spurt, he just doesn’t stop growing 

he’s not the type of guy that like if you ask “how tall are you?”

and he’ll say “180 cm but i’m still growing.”

nono 

he’ll say “honestly i have no idea ? my mom knows i think…”

and he’s the type to like make a guess but he’s completely wrong 

like “uhh I think I’m like 160 cm? idk…”

and you’re like “noah, my darling son, you are off by 20 cm….” (this is him entering his teen years but it makes sense to put this much in here) 

he’s goofy and lovable (a little too lovable…)

>> as a teen/adult <<

still… a flirt. 

even now, he’s still growing

he’s honestly like

just so handsome?

like all of the guys in the group look up to him

literally, he’s taller than his dad

like a good couple cm taller than his dad

he’s the oldest in the group so they all do look up to him

he’s pretty calm like taeil’s son, moon seojoon, but can be crazy and have fun when needed

he just gives off the high class vibes

he doesn’t mind, he does it because it’s just who he is

honestly, doesn’t have too many girlfriends in this stage because so many people just assume that he’s already dating someone or that he’s with yoojin

he is SUPER ULTRA PROTECTIVE of his baby sister, luna

and all of the rest of the babies of the group

he’s the tallest of the group so if anyone is scared in anyway, they go to him

and he’s not even like just skinny either

he’s BUFF bc he starts out his model career now

he still is very active and he loves to go to the gym

so like he’s kinda happy that he gets to do both of the things he loves/wanted to do

he’s just so handsome dude

like literally everyone wants him to model for their company

but he just signs off as an independent because yoojin advised him too

and he’s making so much bank this way

yoojin helped him out with getting a manager and stuff and then after he was sitting pretty, he was able to figure stuff out on his own 

this is when he realized that yoojin liked him back lol

and he said full send

he shot his shot and it worked 

really understands the model game well

like whenever he goes to do shows, people are always asking him for advice

to which his advice is either jokingly saying “honestly, just use the face you got. mine is already godly so i’m good”

or he’ll say crap like “i just think of food or like something i want right now and my emotions just through my face i guess? i’m not sure just think about things that make you happy.”

he’s really busy like all of the time 

he tries to be like yoojin and make it to everything, but he has a hard time because he’s so busy

he is aware with what’s going on with everyone tho

if anyone needs advice, they know to come to him

he’s the best big brother of the group

he’s such a good, and handsome dude

LEO SEO: >> as a baby <<

he was a little bit on the dramatic side

like if he was remotely hungry, he’d cry

if all he wants is for you to pick up something he dropped, he’d cry

kinda cried a lot

sometimes, even if he was happy, he’d cry

just to establish his dominance in this family

like

he’d start crying and you and johnny are like

“we literally just fed you and we’ve been playing with you for the past hour, what’s wrong?”

and when y’all got a little frustrated, he’d just stop crying and start laughing

it’s almost as if he knew that he was pulling a prank on y’all or kinda just showing you his acting skills at an early age (he becomes an actor when he grows up)

he also was a really handsome fella growing up

like he was a really really really cute baby

if he wasn’t practicing his acting skills early on, he was playing with his brother

honestly, noah was really bad at playing with baby leo

noah was like “why can’t leo run yet?”

johnny’s like, “noah... leo can’t even lift his head on his own yet...”

leo loved his brother as a baby tho

whenever noah would come home from school, baby leo would be so freaking happy

honestly, leo was just another baby, just vibing as a baby, and loved to keep you and johnny on your toes

>> as a child << 

this is when he realized he wanted to be an actor

i swear, naming him leo was just a coincidence

he knew from the start that acting his what he wanted to do 

any school play, he would get the lead

the second he learned how to read, he was reading scripts and plays and musicals

he loves watching movies and dramas with you and johnny from the start

he would want to start learning new languages at this age for the soul purpose of building his portfolio when he got older

you and johnny are like so shocked that he found out his calling at such a young age

and you guys think it’s a phase at first, but it’s really, really, really not

he sticks with it

he’s like his brother in which girls thinks he’s so cute

girls flirt with him too, but he just dramatically rejects them and they kinda get annoyed lol

best friends with jaemin’s twins, na jaeseok and jaehun (the twins are a week older than leo)

jaeseok and jaehun both want to get into acting/dancing too, so all of them just vibe together

they are all so talented, even from a young age

like it’s crazy

leo is like the leader of their group

but the twins still get lead roles too

like if leo doesn’t get the main role, one of the twins will

and it’s not competitive or negative between any of them at all

they all agree that they could get better

just positive vibes between these boys

>> as a teen/adult <<

he was scouted as soon as possible

he wanted to wait for his buddies tho

they got scouted soon tho, dw

they all go the same entertainment company because the actor boys unite

honestly a really scary group when they’re all together

they learned all of their manners from noah

they learned how to be crazy from kaleb

leo is a triple threat tho

he can act, he can sing, and he can dance

he learns how to dance with taeyong’s oldest son, lee youngchul

he already knew he could sing, but he does it more for fun

they have him sing for a role and everyone is like ??? what can’t you do?

oh, i can answer that for you lol

he cannot play sports

he can do gym stuff really well and like can do cardio and stuff really easily

but like

have him play soccer? oh no

he is pretty clumsy too

like on set, everyone has multiple sets of props because he always breaks stuff

don’t worry, he’s very apologetic about it

oh yeah, he’s also really tall

like not as tall as noah but taller than his dad

he is not like your pish posh actor

he’s like noah in the aspects that he loves to help people and he gives them bad advice from time to time

he’s such a good actor that they even send him to the states to act in several different movies

he’s so thankful that you taught him english while he was growing up

even tho he acts in western movies, he still prefers to act in dramas and korean movies

america falls in love with him tho

like an insanely handsome boy, who can sing, dance, and act?

oh and his brother is really hot too?

OH AND HIS SISTER IS A FREAKING GIRL GROUP IDOL

OH AND HIS DAD IS JOHNNY FREAKING SEO? LIKE LEO, YOU’RE SET

don’t think that he doesn’t develop his own self image

like he makes a name for himself

in the states/west, everyone learns leo first then learns the rest of his family

oh, just like noah, he’s ultra protective of his little sister

like when interviewers are like “so we hear you have a little sister?”

and he’s like “yes i do and yes she is single and she will remain that way until she is married.”

the audience always laughs when he says that and obviously he’s just trying to convey that he’s super ultra protective of his little sister

leo is just a really talented actor boy who lives up to his name.

LUNA SEO: >> as a baby << 

cute™

she is apart of the groups cute squad

she also is one of the princesses of the group

she’s been a daddy’s girl ever since the start 

like johnny was really good at calming her down

don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that she didn’t love you

she just really wanted to be held by johnny

all of her uncles adored her for her adorable face

she had chubby little cheeks that anyone and everyone adored

she was definitely not angelic

she still gave you and johnny plenty of headaches

she cried a lot, but not as much as leo

at least, with luna, you guys knew how to calm her down

and she wouldn’t cry just to spite you guys lol

anyway

she was a very happy baby with the chubbiest cheeks

the whole family would do anything to make her smile because she was so gosh darn cute

like she was invited to do child modeling at stuff like that

which you guys did for simple things, but for major things like horror movies, you guys would never agree

 you wanted her to have a good childhood and to like, not be demon possessed

she grew up well loved by her older brothers

they were so protective of her and even took care of her every need when necessary

like if you were busy cooking dinner or like doing some work and johnny was away at practice or at work, noah and leo would work together to take care of her

like noah would go and change her diaper while leo would go and get the wipes and do his best to get out the stuff to make formula ready

noah even knew what the temperature is suppose to be

she had a good babyhood and had her older brothers there to catch her when she falls

>> as a child <<

she still kept the happy vibes

like if i had to associate her with a color

it would be yellow

her favorite color is yellow

she’s best friends with taeyong’s youngest daughter, lee youngmi, and ten’s youngest daughter, amarin leechaipornkul (aria)

they all give off sunshine vibes together it’s just so cute

they like spread so much love and positivity, it’s just so much fun

the three of them are honestly like the powerpuff girls

like luna is like blossom

youngmi is like buttercup

while aria is like bubbles

their ages match up too lol

but as buttercup, luna is like the leader

she, like he brothers, is super talented with a lot of things

she realizes that she wants to be an idol like her dad

she doesn’t even want a major role like the lead singer or anything like that

she really just wants to be a visual

she’s already naturally good at dancing but she learns how to dance from youngchul around the same time that leo learned how to dance

she is pretty active

like she would RUN 

just cause

when she was with her group tho? oh man

if only one dad was taking care of the three of them, it’s over

they’ll be so chaotic and everywhere

she is also obsessed with sweets

like cakes, candies, cookies, everything

when she’s with her brothers and dad, they’ll spend all of their money to buy her sweets

she’ll eat so much, then go and run, then throw up, then want to eat more sweets

she’s like pac-man but for sweets

you always dress her up in pretty outfits because it fits her vibe

she loves that you dress her up like that and she never really complains about any of the outfits you put her in

she loves to be held by her dad and her brothers because they’re all so tall and she wants to be tall by association

she’s spoiled, but it’s just because she’s so loved

>> as a teen/adult <<

her vibes didn’t change at all

she’s still sunshine and she’s still obsessed with sweets

she didn’t grow super tall like her brothers

like in comparisons to the giants of your children

luna is surprisingly really short

she doesn’t let that stop her tho!

like a lot of the things in your house are set to the top of the cupboards so it’s easier for the tall boys to reach

but if luna wants something from there, she’ll take care of it herself even if one of her brothers is in the kitchen and can easily do it themselves

she actually gets into a girl group and she does pretty well!

in her group, she’s the sunshine

like she’s probably not the maknae of the group

she takes good care of her younger members

but when everyone sees her with her older brothers

everyone is like

luna? she baby

she thinks taeil’s oldest, moon yoojin, is like the coolest person in the whole world

like she’s pretty close with yoojin

she honestly just wants to learn the most about yoojin and how she handles life

luna honestly is a self care goddess too

she’s like “y’know, the company wants me to lose weight, i said ‘yeah, i could lose some of the weight of the company that i’m carrying’.” *proceeds to eat 3 different bowls of ramen at once*

she doesn’t give a freak about the idol standards

she can take care of herself and she knew from the start that the company needs her more than she needs them

she releases skin care videos and all that

(she learns most of her skin care stuff from her uncle jaehyun)

and her skin is as clear as a summer sky in the great state of california

she’s so good with fans too

like she holds eye contact with them and everything

she isn’t that into aegyo because she just laughs everything off

she can be pretty sassy with her comments that she makes

especially with her brothers

she’s super sassy towards them

but they still protect her

she’s just a happy positive idol who is well loved by her family, friends, and her fans.

---

johnny’s family just feels like a hella fun vibe tbh

i hope you guys liked it! taeyong’s babies are next!

- amy <3

[mattygraygubler]

our campus: chapter 2 (tom holland fanfic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: none???

word count: 2.3k

a/n: bold is texts, any ***s refer to the footnote at the end of the chapter, this one is a shit ton of dialogue and texts, sorry bout it

for a list of characters click here

to be added to the tag list send me an ask !

masterlist

✰✰✰✰✰

“Drink some green juice, Y/N,” Isabelle said, handing you a to go cup from Jamba Juice. Isabelle never drank enough to have a bad hangover, so when you all slept in on Sunday, she went out to get hangover cures. After two nights of parties, it was insane that she was still completely fine. 

You had a queen size inflatable mattress on your floor, so the four of you were able to sleep as comfortably as possible in a not-so-large dorm room. You complained for a while at first, saying you should have just gotten an apartment, but it was too late. Next year. 

“Y’all wanna go to starbs and study?” Emily asked. Ally groaned, putting her head under her pillow. 

“No. I gotta shower and then eventually go to a theater thing.” She responded, slightly muffled. 

“I am also going to shower, and then try to do some of my justice and law readings and then I have to go tutor that Thomas kid.” “Ooooo please text updates!” “Emily, it is literally like tutoring anyone else, I really doubt he’s cute.” You responded. “Whatever,” she said with a smile. Your friends filed out and you took your time with a long shower.

When you got out, you realized it was already 2:30, and most of the day was gone. You put on some ripped black jeans and a shirt from urban outfitters, quickly did some makeup, threw on your sneakers and were out the door, headed to the library. 

“Y/N!” You heard the second you walked into the library. 

“Hi Kyle,” You said and smiled as he fell into step with you. 

“We missed you this weekend,” he said, referring to his fraternity, delta chi’s party. 

“Sorry, I was outvoted.” You said with a small smile. Kyle was a hottie, but incredibly bright. You befriended each other in a math class freshman year, he invited you to dchi parties, and you were now on the short list to be their sweetheart.*

“Well don’t get out voted next time! C’mon, if Jamie is sweetheart I’ll die, and if you don’t come to parties, we can’t elect you sweetheart.” Jamie had broken Kyle’s heart at the end of freshman year, and her, along with one other girl were also contending to be sweetheart. 

“Ugh you drive me insane.” You responded, rubbing your temples. 

“In the best way,” he said and kissed your forehead before walking to the back of the lib. 

You had reached the glass doors to the honor’s lab, basically a wing of the library where honors students studied and hung out in between classes, during meals, whenever. It had “Honors College” written across the doors in black painted letters. 

You pushed open the doors, saying hi to people as you walked towards an empty table. You took a seat facing the doors, so you could see anyone who didn’t belong. 

It was an honor system, no one would be penalized if they tried to sit in the honors lab without being apart of the honors college, but you would get a lot of incredibly nasty looks from some very smart kids. It only happened during fraternity pledge season, when frat boys were hazed and dared to do stupid shit, like have a sit-in in the honors lab.

There weren’t a ton of kids in the honors college, so you all formed sort of a little family. Everyone got along (for the most part), and helped out with difficult assignments. 

Pretty soon, you were encompassed in your law readings, not fully catching on why Fear v. Minnesota was so important. 

“So what’s a gorgeous girl like you doing in a dump like this?” You heard a british voice ask. You looked up to see a boy with brown eyes and slightly curly hair leaning on the table. Clearly attempting to put the moves on you. 

“Dump?” You asked. 

“You heard me, baby,” he said. 

“Well it is very clear that you are not a member of the honors college-”

“And you are?” He asked, a cocky smirk on his face. 

“I am, yes.” He became red. 

“I’m Y/N, I don’t care what your name is, but unless you have a reason to be here, I’d leave before Paul pummels the shit out of you.” You said. You nodded your head to the left, where Paul and two sophomores were standing, arms crossed, clearly incredibly upset that this outsider was here. 

“Wait, did you say your name was Y/N?” He said, looking back at you. 

“Yes…” 

“I’m Tom.” You looked confused. “Holland? You’re supposed to tutor me?” Your eyes widened with the realization. 

“Thomas,” you muttered. He laughed. 

“Darling, the only times I hear that are when a professor is calling on me, or a girl is yelling my name in bed.”

Ok, who the fuck was this kid? 

“I’m gonna move on from that sentence.” You said and gestured to the seat across from you. A text popped up on your phone, in the honors college junior’s group chat. 

hc* jnrs ⋛

Paul

Ok who the fuck let tom holland in here

Jessie

he’d need at least triple the amount of brain cells he has to just find the doors

You actively laughed out loud at that text and looked at jessie, who was now standing with Paul. Paul laughed as he waved to you, and Jessie just winked. 

“Something funny?” He asked as he pulled his laptop out. 

“Just a funny text. You can put that away and grab your notebooks, by the way.” You said as you texted back. 

You

gronk asked me to tutor him

what’s the big deal? you guys know him?

Lindsay

i’m sorry im home rn, did someone say tom holland? 

Paul

Y/N’s tutoring him so he came into hlab, didnt realize she was his tutor, and hit on her

Leila

LMAOOOOO

Jake

THOLLAND IN THE HLAB IM SHITTING MYSELF

Lindsay

he hit on Y/N? poor bastard doesnt know what hes in for

You

do you guys know something about this kid i dont? 

You finally looked up from your phone to see Tom sitting there, empty handed, staring at you. 

“Where’s your notebooks?” You ask. 

“Uhm, I don’t have any. I just use my laptop.” 

“Ok your homework tonight is going out and getting notebooks for all your classes.” 

“Really? You’re giving me homework?” You raised your eyebrows. 

“When I tutor kids,” he winced when you said kids, “I have some ground rules. You break a rule, I stop tutoring you. No second chances, no redos. Got it?” “Got it.” He said, holding back a smile. 

“Something funny?” “No, no, please, tell me about these rules. I must warn you, I have always been a rule breaker.” He winked and you simply rolled your eyes. 

“This isn’t a game, Holland.” You said. The smile left his face. “Rule one is you follow all the rules. Rule two, if you break a rule, we’re done, no exceptions. Rule three, if I give you homework, you do it. Rule four don’t be late. And finally, I am adding a rule five just for you.” You said, writing each rule down on a piece of paper which you handed to him. He laughed. 

“Problem?” You asked. 

“I’ve never had a woman…” 

“What? Reject you before?” He was obviously referring to rule five, which was do not hit on me ever again. 

“Listen, darling, I was just surprised is all. I didn’t expect someone so beautiful to be part of the nerd brigade.” 

“Do I need to add another rule about you not making fun of my friends?” 

“No, no, I apologize.” He said with that cocky grin still on his face. 

“Pull out your planner.” You said. 

“My what?”

“Right, you’re a brit. Pull out your diary.”

“Oh I don’t use one, sweetheart. Got this great thing up here,” he said, tapping his head. “Keeps everything sorted out.” 

“Well clearly that’s not true or you wouldn’t be missing assignments.” He shrugged. 

“I didn’t forget about them, just chose not to do them.” “So your story is that you’re choosing to fail your classes and risk expulsion?” He just shrugged again. 

You pulled out a notepad and started a list. 

Buy notebooks for every class

Download a planner (diary) app on your computer

Make a list of all assignments (including readings) due within the next week

“I’m going to need a copy of your schedule.” 

“You know, babe, usually we schedule the date after I ask you out.” 

“Look at you, five minutes in and you’ve already broken rule five.”

“You can’t honestly expect me to follow rule five when you’re this attractive.” You gave him a cold stare, and started packing up your stuff. 

“Wait, wait, Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again.” You paused and raised your eyebrows dangerously at him. “Correction, I won’t do it again.”

“Good. Now I want a copy of your schedule and syllabi. What’s your schedule like tomorrow?”

“I have rehearsal until nine. After that I’m all yours.”

“I have a sorority event until nine, you can meet me here at nine fifteen.” 

“You’re in a sorority?”

“You’re surprised?” You asked. 

“Which one?”

“Delta Nu*.” 

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. Why are you so surprised?” 

“That’s, like, the highest tier on campus.”

“Sororities aren’t a hierarchy, anyone who tells you different is fucking with you.” You said as you gathered your stuff. You didn’t have time for his anti-panhellenic bullshit.

“Hlab. Tomorrow. Nine. Don’t be late, and do your homework.” You said. “Oh, one more thing.” You handed him your phone, opening up a new contact. He raised his eyebrows, and you raised yours back, daring him to make a comment. He didn’t simply handed you his phone so you could enter your information. 

You walked straight out of the lib, leaving Tom in your wake. Kyle saw you leaving, gathered up his stuff and shouted “Y/N! Hey, wait up!” You paused, waiting for him to catch up. 

“Can I walk you home?” 

“You don’t have to do that, Ky.” 

“I want to. I was just about to leave anyway.” You smiled as you and Kyle left the library, headed across the quad towards the junior dorms.

It was a short walk before you reached your dorm, Kyle heading to Heart Hall directly next to your building. 

“See you tomorrow?” he asked. You smiled and waved. 

Once you were back in your room, you paused realizing you had nearly twenty missed texts. 

♡girly girls♡

Al

Y/N we need to know his last name so i can get the dirt on the right person 

Em

and Y/N i need to know RIGHT THIS SECOND if he was cute

Iz

guys shes still tutoring her, let her phone be and she’ll facetime us later and answer all your dumb questions

You replied, saying you were tired and you would meet them for lunch in the cafeteria in your building like usual. 

hc jnrs ⋛

Jake

How has Y/N not heard of him shes in a diff frat every weekend

Cassy

Jake please tell me i didnt just detect judgement in your jargon

Jake

Cassy please tell me you didnt just use jargon in a text message

Jessie

jake does make a good point im shocked Y/N doesnt know about him 

Leila

WHATEVS I NEED AN UPDATE

Is she still with him/???

Jessie

Yup but she looks like shes about to punch him

Paul 

If she doesnt, i will

Jessie

shush paul girl can take care of herself

ok looks like shes packing up 

Leila

Y/N!! i NEED an update

You 

i have not heard of him, no

whats his deal? besides being incredibly flirty and not reading my vibes, like, at all

Jessie

rumor has it he gave all the phi alpha’s chlamydia

Julia

as a proud phi alpha i just wanna drop in and say that he did fuck quite a few of us, but he gave none of us (and none of us have) chlamydia

Jessie

he def gave someone chlamydia tho

Paul

id believe it. hes a massive scumbag

Cassy

a HOT massive scumbag

Jake

-_-

Cassy

everyone in delt is hot

You

wait a sec, did you say hes in delt?!?!

max please confirm

Max

yeah hes in delt with me, so is that other brit that he came over here with us

Cassy

Harry!!!!!!!

Max

harrison** 

Y/N

wait harrison? i think he knows my friend emily

Max

well its not a huge campus, and emily does know everyone

Jessie

wait Y/N what was he like

You 

an asshole. im debating telling gronk i dont have time to tutor him

Julia

that wouldnt be very hc of you….

You

whatevs. Im finishing this near v minnesota reading then passing out. see you guys tomorrow

Jessie

KISSES!!!

Paul

you know jessie theres these awesome things call emojis

Cassy

paul do u ever stfu 

It wasn’t until you caught up with both group chats that you realized you still had unread messages. 

Tom Holland

is that your bf???

hes cute

didnt peg you for the monogomous type

hes in a frat right??

why arent u answering? too busy with ya boy 👀👀👀

You

do you bother all girls with annoying questions? not a cute look

Tom Holland

no such thing as a “not cute look” on me darling

you didn’t answer my question

It was at that point that you turned your alarms on, turned your phone on do not disturb, and plugged it in. Before long you were in bed, hoping for more sleep than you’ve gotten the past couple nights. 

*A sweetheart is a girl who is friends with all the boys in the fraternity, always goes to their parties, and acts kind of like a “mom”ish figure in a lot of their lives. Normally they’re a junior or senior and serve for one year. They’re essentially the female face of the frat. For a better definition click here.

*delta nu is not an actual sorority, i didnt want to alienate any orgs (i am a proud member of greek life if you couldnt tell) so i just used the fake one from legally blonde

*hc stands for honors college

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Barnes and Nobles Bookstore Report 2020 on Diversity

For those who are new to this... What I do every year since I was 13 was go to the bookstore, usually in summer and take an overview look at what is being shelved and sold. This, of course, changed with the internet. It’s a way for me (and maybe you) to get a sense of what the industry is and isn’t doing, particularly with diversity. I also check local bookstores (But my local one is closed due to covid this year). I usually note what has an hasn’t changed. It’s something that authors should be doing anyway. I don’t do it more often because it’s usually depressing. And I don’t do it near holiday seasons, since that can skew the book selection unfairly. So I usually pick a non holiday-heavy month and one that will not skew my numbers (like say, February, which is Black History Month) I pay attention to the following: - Where the books are shelved. - How many times a book is shelved (in different areas) - Who gets the most real estate and a rough guess as to why. (Usually because they are white cis and male.... no lie) - Which diversity gets the most real estate - What are the labels on the shelves and if those are separate or different from previous years. - I generally skip the children’s section since there is a yearly report for that. - Demographics of the area visually apparent v. numbers of the area itself. Who are they supposed to sell to (and usually failing to sell to) Blame the Anthropology... I’m well-trained to look for such things. - All Bookends and displays. - I usually look at all sections of the bookstore and take notes, in order. - If I have access to internet, then I also look up the authors, if I can to find out their diversity and spread. - I also take lots of pictures.

These are my notes for this year.

Demographics of the area outside of the bookstore: About 50/50 with the majority being Latinx (Black and Latinx mainly) Mostly women. (It was early, though--maybe white) Last demographics of area 2010, granted 36,226 (71.1%) White, 2,573 (1.3%) Black, 531 (0.3%) Native American, 31,434 (16.4%) Asian (6.9% Filipino, 5.4% Korean, 1.3% Chinese), 122 (0.1%) Pacific Islander, 12,146 (6.3%) from other races, and 8,687 (4.5%)  (Latinx is around 17%)

The first two bookcases at the front of the store, were mostly white cis male authors. In the new author case, this was true, as well, and mostly had well-knowns.

Considering the Latinx population, I’m always kinda feeling like why aren’t there more Latinx books on the shelves?

White and black authors. But the black authors are only there because of Black Lives Matter, which feels like it’s catering to the white people who want to know what this is about, rather than the demographics of the bookstore itself. The Magazine section, Vogue, in particular did have PoCs on it.

- The Art History Section is and always is really white. I could count the PoCs on the shelf of 6 tall shelves on one hand. All of the How to draw Manga books are by white people. I know this because I’ve looked up the authors in the past. And it’s not that Japanese don’t publish books in English with instructions, BTW... so I always find that a bit strange, especially since the author they choose doesn’t really have a manga style 100% but mixes in American Comic books. (But that’s a separate thing.) They mostly had known PoC artists, acceptable to white people. - The Cookbooks don’t cover Africa. They had one African American cookbook which interested me. (Labeled Soul food and had a Black author), but the books mostly were for “French” in the international section. A few Korean (2-3) and I didn’t spot many other regionalities. I looked for Indian, for example.

- There were SFF books front of the store, which surprised me. Might be because there were PoC authors and the majority were PoC. (Also Black Lives Matter skewing) - All of the seating was removed (probably because of covid) I usually use it to sort through books I want...

- No Surprise, the same location for featured “classics” as last year and all but one were written by white men. The token book? Arabian Nights. I’m not sure that really counts since it was compiled by a white guy. (Believe me, I had thought like where is Jorge Borges? Marquez? etc) Most of the authors were white cis and het too... - The recommended section... by looking, mostly white cis het men. - Danielle Steele was shelved in General Fiction section. Actually several genres were shelved together there. Some Science Fiction, Some Fantasy, Some Romance, Some Historical Fiction, etc. There was no special section for Historical Fiction. (Not popular? Used to be back in the day...) There’s no LGBTQIA, women’s or African American section, even in the non-fiction. I have mixed feelings about taking it out of the non-fiction section. I like it combined in the Fiction section. They also took out all of the sub labeling except for major transitions. (Labeling individual shelves as containing something) - Diminished Latinx books in the Classics (Shelf) section. This has not changed... and it still ticks me off how white and cis het (also leans towards male) it is. - Increased black authors overall. Octavia Butler was Shelved twice, for example. Toni Morrison got a bookshelf all to herself (probably because of her recent passing). Nnedi Okorafor actually showed up on the shelf. Rena Barron was triple shelved--once at the front of the store and in two sections of the bookstore... So apparently B&N have a lot of faith in her book. - Overall, improved balance between men and women (except in the classics and recommended sections. I feel stabby about that.)

- The covers were a lot less offensive overall. (Though I had a few head scratchers on why that cover for that book, but that’s getting into graphic design quibbles) The PoC books actually had PoCs on the cover. And some of the covers were redone to have PoCs on the cover. There were no sexualized women on the out turned books. The Mystery/Thriller books, for example, has a trend of being symbolic and drawn. Kinda felt like I was staring at the old Chick Lit.

- There were less books shelved overall, because of the shelving practices of out turning the books so people could see the covers. (Even less than last year)

- The Romance Section ticked me off since I could count the amount of PoCs on the cover with one hand. But the covers have improved a bit. Jim Hines won the cover war... There was ONE LGBT book and ONE interracial book. It’s like PoCs don’t fall in love at all. What gives?

- Science Fiction and Fantasy were separated again. The amount of shelves for YA and SFF were about equal. (Which drastically changed from last year). This meant that the genre fiction was mostly equally shelved. (Mystery/Thriller might have gotten a smidgen less). The Science Fiction section was astoundingly male cis het. I even looked for authors I knew who were queer/poc, etc and couldn’t find them. Anne McCaffrey was gone completely, BTW. Oh and JK Rowling didn’t make it to the main shelves (She was in the audiobook section). lol Someone was mad. So win one, lose the rest.

- All of the “recommended race” books were written by People of color and well known. Win~ But all on black-white relations except one. (A book on my wishlist, but I pre-promised myself to not buy anything... so it was difficult to leave that one behind...) - The people with the most shelving were Shakespeare (Got his own section), Stephen King, and I forgot the third author, but he’s male cis and het too... Yeah... I know. And yes, there are authors more prolific than these authors too in history who are also PoC. - All of the books were from known and popular authors rather than unknown authors, mainly. Not like that rare find where you’re browsing and you go, “OMG, never heard of this person before.” So for me, who likes to browse and find that rare find it’s not as fun. I’ve found books pre-internet that were like that in Barnes and Nobles no less.

Overall: Improved, but I have this irking feeling the increase in black books is specifically to the Black Lives Matter movement. They care more about publicity than the cause, otherwise, other PoC groups wold have gotten better rep. Also kinda sad at the lack of LGBT. The widest diversity in the store is still YA. And as every year, I’m super sad about the lack of rep for Latinx. Seriously, didn’t you give it a thought that you might be in an area that’s not white? (I know the “But you could complain” thing... but it never worked in the past either and I have written to corporate, just so you know.) I pretty much left with this feeling of elation that it was improved, but this feeling of sickness that they were still, STILL catering to white people. (Cis het, etc). Yeah, depressing enough to want to marathon several PoC shows to undo the implicit bias type of feeling. And this area, as shown isn’t lacking in PoCs. Also, kinda have to state, I wish it was more like a treasure hunt... sometimes that’s the best part of going to a bookstore. Disappointed about the lack of a non-fiction LGBTQIA... kinda had a wish the Julie Sondra Decker might show up in that section. My ace little heart. I took 108 pictures as photo proof of my assertions (Again, Anthro training). BTW, Rena Barron should thank her publicist for convincing for the triple shelving...

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Love Potion Extravaganza Ch. 7

Thank you to the amazing @pizzansunshine for her editing expertise and enthusiasm to bring this to light and to the ending. I shall be posting the last two chapters tomorrow. 

Anyway the songs featured in this chapter is “Dear Joshua Felix Chan” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=73GceFQSMtI, “Face your fears (reprise)” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jSiHRszFm6s, “Maybe you won’t die alone”https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0kxIbo2aEOQ, “I love you as much as someone can love anyone” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=43dUnpEWiCw, and “I’m just a girl in love” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UMHz6FiRzS8.

Isabel began to saddle up Canella in preparation for her ride back to town. This was going to be great. She would tell Gabe that she shared his feelings, they would kiss, agree to fight for their love because it was worth it and no one could say otherwise and then go to Ophidan Island to explore the place and maybe kiss some more.

It would be utterly perfect. “Dear Gabriel Nunez,

It's music when I hold your hand.

I loved you from the moment

That I saw you, you're my hero

I believe in you.

There's nothing you can't do.

You make a difference in the world,

And you make all the difference in the world

To me.”  

Isabel sighed, leaning against Canella who nuzzled her hair like an impatient nudge for her to get going and do it.

But just as she was about to jump onto Canella’s back, a rogue wave of fear washed over Isabel. The love kernels song that gave her so much courage had faded away in her head and doubt replaced it.

He’s too old. You’re just a kid. A kid sister. Why would he ever feel that way about you. You’re delusional. You’re weird. Why would he want you? All you talk about is science. You have nothing in common.

Isabel stared at the stable wall, panicking at the thought of ever facing Gabe. Just minutes ago she had been so excited and now it seemed to be an impossible task. She hated how she did this. Overanalyzed and worried every single thing. Just like what Elena had told her on Ophidean Island, sometimes she shouldn’t think but just make a leap.

“But what if that leap leads me to crash and burn?” Isabel thought to herself.

A soft breeze wafted through the stables, so very unlike the usual smell of manure that perpetrated the area. In fact, the breeze smelled like the rose perfume her mom used to wear on special occasions. That familiar scent calmed her down somewhat and she remembered a song her mom used to sing when she had been a baby and scared of storms. It had been so long ago she was surprised that she even remembered the lyrics.

Like her mother advised her years ago, she took a deep breath in and exhaled. Then another. And she sang the song that she had almost forgotten. The one her mom would always sing whenever she read fairytale stories and the hero had to go face their final battle.

“Face your fears, Stare them down.

Don’t be scared. Stand your ground.

Because love is not as scary as it appears.

All you’ve got to do is face your....”

“BANG!” The door to the stables slammed open and Naomi and Olivia came inside, carrying two sloshing tanks of pink-tinted water.

“Isabel, we need a carriage. Where are the carriages? Wait I see the carriages!” Naomi said in a rush, half-running, half-pulling a tank behind her while Olivia struggled to help her lift it. “What is that? What are you doing?” Isabel asked. Honestly, she didn’t care what they were doing, the only person she was concerned about was Gabe. But at least it provided some time for her stomach to stop having the queasy nervous feeling.

“Love potion antidote. We’re going to dump it on everyone in the city.” Olivia answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world to be doing.

“Love potion?” Isabel repeated, feeling the queasy rolling of her stomach grow fiercer and for a whole different reason.

“Yeah the Delgados poisoned the waterways..” Naomi was about to explain the whole situation when she saw Isabel’s embarrassed face, staring at the floor. “Isa?” “I was going to confess my love for Gabe right now.” Isabel squeaked out. “And then we’d kiss and go to Ophidean Island on a rowboat and there would be roses and some geckos I guess...”

Naomi didn’t allow her to go on with her rambling fantasy and simply dipped a ladle into the tank and gave it to her to sip.

Isabel obediently drank the antidote that Naomi and Olivia had painstakingly made of honeysuckle, bitterroot and some pre-mixed potions for clear-headedness and reversal of former spells- that Mateo had thankfully made already.

They had done a pretty quick job of it after they had found the recipe and Naomi felt confident that they would be able to bring back everyone to normal. There had been one brief minute of panic when a rogue butterfly took the last honeysuckle from the palace garden, but Olivia managed to use a cloning spell to get another honeysuckle and leave the butterfly in peace.

They had doubled the amount of ingredients needed for the potion to fill two tanks. For the people in the palace they had just given them the antidote under the guise of punch but for everyone else, they needed to do something bigger. That was to go to one of the rooftops of the buildings, gather all the townspeople in the square and at Naomi’s signal Olivia would dump the potion on top of them. Maybe even throw some water balloons if she managed to fill them up in time.

Their antidote had seemed to work when they gave it to Luisa and Francisco as they had gone into the kitchen, but Naomi still nervously waited for Isabel’s reaction.

Isabel wrinkled her nose at the sour aftertaste of the bitterroot, then her eyes widened and she cried, “WHAT WAS I THINKING?”

Naomi grinned and high-fived with Olivia, “It worked.”

Isabel looked at them with pleading eyes, “Please please don’t tell Gabe about this. I feel so stupid.”

Naomi nodded understandingly, “We won’t.” Olivia mimed zipping her lips.

“I’ll help you with that.” Isabel said and helped Olivia lift the second tank onto the carriage and then hitched Canella since she was one of the fastest and most dependable horse in the royal stable.

They made it to Avalor City in record time and before Naomi could worry about how they would be able to lug the two heavy tanks up to the rooftops without spilling the antidote, Olivia looked at her well-worn sketchbook and cast a levitation spell. It was a bit shaky at first, some of the antidote spilling on random passersby but she was able to get it on top of Cafe Angelica’s and on top of the bell tower without a problem.

“Hey! What was that?” A familiar voice shouted to the left of them.

“Woah woah.” Naomi heard Olivia cry and before she could turn around to help steady the young wizard in training, she heard a splash.

Naomi cringed at the sound of wet clothes but it turned to laughter when she saw it was Gabe that Olivia had hit. Gabe, drenched from head to toe, wiping the sour taste of the antidote out of his mouth.

“Naomi, what is this? Why are there tanks on....” His eyes widened and his face turned pale as if he was reliving some horrible trauma, “Oh no.”

Naomi jumped down from the carriage while the two girls stayed inside. Isabel staring at her feet, face all shades of red and Olivia giggling at Gabe’s flabbergasted expression.

“What is it, Nunez?” Naomi teased. She had a feeling that he was remembering some of his more ridiculous actions of the day.

“I’ve done something stupid. Very very stupid. Actually, several very stupid things.” Gabe blanched, covering his face with his hands. “I need to apologize to Elena, I have no idea what came over me. Training bra?! Why did I say that!?”

Naomi backed away from him just a little bit. She did not want to know what this training bra business was about.

“To be fair you were under a love spell. And if you want to help fix it, can you try to get everyone to the town square?” Naomi asked motioning for the girls to go up to the other two tanks.

Gabe was still shaking his head dazedly but he did what Naomi suggested. Most of the townspeople had gone inside for a siesta but at least Elena, Mateo, Valentina and Manuel were still by the fountain. Kissing and whispering sweet nothings.

Now that she had a solution to this Naomi looked at the two couples fondly instead of rolling her eyes at their overdramatic declarations of love. This would make such good blackmail material.

“Hi guys, I don’t mean interrupt this” Gabe began to say when Valentina jumped up with unexpected fervor.

“No problem! We were thinking that Manuel and I should elope here! Elena and Mateo were going to be our witnesses but you apparently need four of them. And here you are!” Manuel jumped up to join his beaming girlfriend, “You’re so lucky! You can-”

“That’s fine.” Gabe put his hand up. He didn’t want to hear the other guard’s obnoxious bragging on behalf of Valentina.

“It would be so cute! Us getting married. We should have a double wedding! Won’t that sound fun?” Valentina squealed.

Mateo and Elena who had been up to this point whispering to each other and cuddling, joined the conversation. Elena with, what Naomi regarded, a impulsive glint in her eye.

Elena whispered softly, “I would love to get married.”

Mateo took her hands into his own and kissed her, “It would be an honor to get to spend the rest of my life with you, mi amor. If you’d have me?” “Of course I’d have you.” Elena gushed. 

“WHAT!” Gabe and Naomi yelled in unison. Naomi had known the love spell was bad, but she didn’t think it would get this bad.

“Oh” Elena turned to them as if she suddenly realized they had been there the whole time, “Do you want to join? A triple wedding would be fun, don’t you think, guys?” The other three love-infatuated teens nodded in agreement.

“What? No-no no no no!” Gabe and Naomi stammered in unison at where this whole madcap plan was going. “We’re not a couple.”

“Why not?” Manuel asked as if that was the stupidest answer ever, “You’re single. He’s single. Do you want to die alone being eaten by cats?”

“I-I- We don’t like each other in that way.” Gabe tried to explain, “We’re not, at least, I’m not looking for a relationship.” “Because you’re bad at them?” Valentina immediately put in and before Gabe could reply with an indignant “No!” Valentina gave Manuel a look.

Just like with his trumpet coming out of nowhere, Manuel had a lute and was circling the two of them, sweetly singing, “Gaze at the person across from you now. Feel the sweet spark of connection...

If you don't screw up this moment somehow

Maybe you won't die alone.”

Elena and Mateo seemed completely oblivious to the matchmaking of their Paraisian counterparts and had returned to lovingly cuddling with one another. Valentina joined her boyfriend in circling the two, picking up with the next verse, “And now her defenses are starting to fall. Smile and return her affection.

If you don't manage to ruin it all

Maybe you won't die alone”

And as much as Naomi was interested in seeing if Gabe was going to hit Manual before the next verse or before the chorus for insinuating that he did not have the skills to attract a lady, Naomi didn’t let them continue. 

“Gabe, it’s Carla!...With Alonso?”

On the far end of the Via Mercado, they could see the highly-annoyed malvago stomping off to the exit with a prince trailing after her like a puppy dog.

Carla cursed herself for taking so long to get dressed in her malvago robes. She had been all set to flee back to her home and take the antidote to get rid of all these annoying, conflicting feelings about Gabe when just as she reached the lobby of the hotel, Alonso found her.

He had yelled dramatically from the steps that he was in love with her, he needed to know her name, he needed one last kiss before she left.

She had tried to dissuade him, reminding him that hadn’t been part of their agreement. It ruined the whole sexy stranger meetup. And she really didn’t want to experience another of his dry, close-mouthed kisses again.

However this prince was being incredibly persistent and clingy and staying two steps behind her. Either he didn’t know she was wearing a malvago robe or he was too enamored to care, he followed. As much as her parents liked a chance to get close to royalty, she had a feeling that bringing a prince home was not what they had in mind. They were more of the manipulate them and discard them type.

At least his song was better. This one was all complimentary at least. If albeit incredibly needy. “I want you, I need you. You cut me and I bleed you. 

You're like some kind of sonnet

All I want to do is read you,

And I love you ”

Carla rolled her eyes, “I know.”

Alonso repeated, “I mean I love you.”

Carla clenched and unclenched her fists. Would he leave if she smacked him? “Yes, thanks.”

Now, even Alonso was sounding a bit annoyed at her curt, dismissive responses, “I said I love you.”

Why couldn’t he take the hint? “You did.”

Alonso grabbed her by the arm and spun her around to face him and his hopeful expression, “And now don't you want to tell me something, too?”

Carla sighed and took his hand to get into a tango position. He left her no choice, she needed to break his heart.

“I love you!

As much as a person like me can love anyone.

I mean I love how when we hit the hay. It's more than just okay.

I'd absolutely say more like middling to fair.”

Alonso smiled, then turned confused, “Yeah! Wait, what?”

“Carla!” A fierce voice cried out from the corner of her eye.

Carla hated how her heart leapt right to her throat at the voice. It was Gabe! She turned around and he was striding toward her looking as intense and fierce as always. Stupid Naomi was there too ruining the view. But then she realized- if they were coming towards her and not distracted by making out with each other... they were not under the potion!

Alonso tugged at her sleeve again and she realized what a precarious position she was in. Surrounded on all sides by good guys and if Gabe managed to get ahold of her, he would take her in passion. Passionate fury right to the dungeon.

She really wished she had just stuck with her parent’s instructions to make sure everyone was under the love spell. Going off and doing her own seduction plans made this whole day a nightmare.

Alonso tugged at her skirt and she pulled away, “Will you stop? I’m not that into you!” “But?” Alonso pleaded reaching for her, almost knocking her tamborita to the ground.

“Watch it!” Carla grabbed her tamborita and then she realized- Duh she had magic! She could have left this place whenever she wanted.

“Alright, Delgado, your plan is over.” Naomi pointed an accusing finger at her.

“What plan?” She asked playing dumb, feeling the handle of tamborita and trying to remember the exact spell she needed to do.

“The love potion plan, you admitted you did it.” Gabe chimed in. “Love potion plan?” Alonso looked back and forth between them.

“I didn’t execute the love potion plan. I’m as much of a pawn as you are.” Carla purred, “After all,

“I'm just a girl in love!

I can't be held responsible for my actions.

I have no underlying issues to address

I'm certifiably cute and adorably obsessed!”

All of them were staring at her as if she was certifiably insane as she sang and tap-danced. Tap -danced away from them to be exact so she would have enough room to do her spell.

“They say love makes you crazy

Therefore, you can't call me crazy

'Cause when you call me crazy

You're just calling me in love!”

Gabe moved forward, having enough of her shenanigans and slippery escapes but she pointed her tamborita and shouted, “Blam!”

A dark plume of smoke went up, shooting the trio backwards a couple of feet. Coughing they waved for the smoke to clear. There left some withered grass and sooty trees and no Carla in sight.

[secretsofthemasquerade]

Dear WWP

I was one of those raising hell for all the dog whistling in V5's corebook, and I was one whose questions were picked by Jason Carl during the AMA hosted back during the summer. I was actually banned from the WWP pages afterwards, but that's another story. I am a critic, I have given hell for silly things, and more serious things, but I've always been a client and I've always been a fan. Which is why I write for the Vault, to show we can do better.

WWP, you said you listened, you told Neo Nazis to gtfo, but you did not ACT on it. On your apology about V5 Camarilla's inclusion of the Chechen purge of homosexuals, people are using triple brackets (a VERY KNOWN neo nazi code). And they're not banned.

Anyway, if you have low attention spawn, here's some videos you need to watch, then reread the things you've put out. These are the videos I want you to watch. From start to finish. This is the reason Wraith (and Mage) aren't as toxic as Werewolf or Vampire. Vampire is the worst offender. You wouldn't believe the amount of neo nazis who love VTMB and who sent more than a little criticism because "omg new mod has latino characters, fuck them mexicans".

Videos that we have linked your way ever since the WoD Preludes. Its time you watch them again, and take notes. There's a reason we, as players, aren't raising hell about Shoah. This is why.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEgXUqHL9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP4_bMhZ4gA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ci6rYOleM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jKsj345Jjw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6xQlnzffRg

Your words don't match your actions, WWP. Your apology is hollow and empty. Your edgelord "shock for shock value" attitude is malicious, protects far right people, and harms minorities.

You have a multimillion dollar worth IP, and you're working on it li if you were two dude in a garage.

Your game goes full Jerry Springer by "interviewing" Anarchs about their sexual kinks. Damsel's page in Anarch.. Well, there's art next to her texting, and.. Dawkins openly says "oh that's not her, it's just the filler image", which is either a plain lie, or your layout and design folks are really -that- bad.

White Wolf and people who want to see how we can play all while incorporating difficult, current, tragic situations. Let me show you Bury Me My Love. A Syrian woman leaves to try and reach Germany to get asylum. A mobile game which can happen "live" (using actual hours/days in between texts) or not. Where you, her husband, influence her decisions about the routes to take. And you can replay and try other routes. But most importantly, you learn about facts, you can see the map and read the news. You can educate yourself. And there's humor, and terrible themes.

Do we want more of This War of Mine, or more of Ciudad Juarez? Do we want more of Papers Please, or Fatal?

You need to hire experts, once again. We talk about privilege, because I had to teach one of the pillars of the community about the triple brackets thing, because you just don't see it. You don't have enough women. You don't have enough queer people. Chechnya's write ups TERRIFIED my gay friends, who have been excorcised, who live fearful of what could happen to them if their neighborhood found out, who have been to conversion therapies, who live in religious dictatorships.

You're being MALICIOUS. You have a big Polish far right audience. You have a big Hungarian far right audience. You're making things worse. You have Bolsanero fans. You have Golden Dawn fans. This isn't about political differences and "agreeing to disagreeing". This is about themwanting to kill us.

Want to make mature games, or what tweens believe is mature?

We deserve better than it.

You're spitting on what VtM opened, sometimes in a fairly clumpsy way, but you're now a multimmilion dollar worth ip, you don't have the "we're two dudes in a garage" excuse anymore.

(add: this is the chechnya section and some comments to read for yourself) (on reddit too, if you’d like)

[taeminiettaemiri]

Romance in the School Backyard

Description :

In 1935, there was a hidden love story between a village girl who work for a tea house and a scholar who found the girl almost ended up her life. 

May, 28 1935

 “Stop there right now!”  a tall boy slowly approached a girl that sit in the corner of the dark alley, with a sharp object right above her pulse.

 As much as the girl  want to cut off her wrist, she couldn’t  continue because she didn’t want anyone witnessing her death. She was standing up and about to ran away before the boy hold her hand forcefully.

 “Give me those things or I won’t release you.” The firm sound from the boy give a chill to her, make her shivering immedietly. She used to hear that kind of voice yet it always make her scare to death. The boy, who didn’t  have any bad intention start to panic as he see the woman eyes turn to red and wet. He absentmindedly pull the fragile body to a tight hug, to at least make her calms and whispered his apologize to make her scare. Oddly enough, they stay with that position until the girl’s sniffing gone.

***

June, 14 1935

Its an awkward for the time they have met but a weeks have passed and they become closer, secretly. The girl, Taeyeon, was in her 17 when Minho found her was going to ended her life. Minho was also 17 when he prepared to entering university. Taeyeon was working since she was 15 as a maid for a tea house near the one of the prestigious first university in the country where Minho just entered. Her family couldn’t afford her to have a decent life since their father being so abusive to her when he was faired from worked and couldn’t fit in with the society. Her mother was choose to ran away and leave her alone with a beast creature she used to called father. Their relatives offered Taeyeon to worked with him as a maid, washing dishes, swept the floor, serving tea and she would be paid in the end of the day. There was nothing much she could do to avoiding a slap or stifle from her dad everytime she went home and gave her paid to her father so he could release his stress out there with some prostitute.

 “You are lucky enough I can’t send you to that prostitute house yet, like your mother, wait until you reach 18!” said her father one night after leaving a good slap on her cheeks.

 In the other hand, Minho was the pride of his family. He passed the education perfectly and aiming to join the most prestigious university at the times. He has to focus on his career to keeping his family name as the respected aristocracy that adored by many peoples, and of course as the tradition, the finest bride for him to continuing their heir was already prepared once he finished his education by a years.

 ***

June, 20 1935

One night when Minho successfully asked her to spare a minutes before she going home, they went to the lake near the university.

 “Minho, I can’t see anything.” Taeyeon hold her dear life on Minho’s hand upon walking across the wet grass, the night walking without lantern or any light surely makes her scare.

 “Don’t worry, Iam holding you tightly, we are about to arrive.” The shooting tone of his voice was somehow makes her heart pounding loudly, she only wished Minho couldn’t hear that because it would be embarrassing.

 Finally they arrived at the edge of the lake. Minho take off his jacket and put it on the ground so Taeyeon could seat without touched the dirt. Taeyeon was about to asked but her attention got distracted when she saw a glimpse of light in the middle of the lake. The light then becames two, and three, and four, and being triple amount before Taeyeon hypnotised with the flying light illuminating the lake.

 “Those are fireflies, they are shining at the dark night and flying around. I just found it after reading about them in the library and I want to share it with you.” Minho could see her eyes being glasses, the light she received from witnessing the fireflies created a stunning view in Minho’s very eyes, he really in love with Taeyeon, a person he never expected to come in his life. Minho was broken when the second time their met with Taeyeon face full of cut and how much Minho wants to killed her father.

 “Minho… Thank you for sharing all the beautiful thinks I don’t even know its exist. I can’t pay back any of this joyfull with you, I just have an awefull story to told you, I bet its not pleasuring you.”

 “Just don’t do something stupid like our first met, you being all smile and survive its what you need to repay.” Taeyeon smile drop, Minho didn’t sure but a fat tears about to fall from her innocent eyes.

 “I feel like I won’t be here any longer. I don’t know what will happen but I kinda knows what my father do once I turn 18.” Minho straighten his back, he lift up Taeyeon’s face so they could see each other eyes. They stayed like that for a minutes, still searched the reason why their eyes looks very interesting until you couldn’t stand but kept staring.

 “July 18th 1935 Lee Taeyeon, correct?” asked Minho. Taeyeon frowned as Minho said something that kind of strange.

 “Pardon me?”

 “Iam sorry, it just rolling out my tongue. I like your name so much, Taeyeon.” Taeyeon couldn’t help but giggling at the reason.

 “You are so weird, Minho.”

 “Let’s run away, with me.” Said Minho. Taeyeon eyes became bigger, she couldn’t do that when he had his life full of hope, she couldn’t let herself being obstacle but before she refused the idea, Minho silent her lips with his. He kissed the baby lips softly as he delivering his true feeling towards the girls in his embrace, give a protective hug on her back while the girl couldn’t help but depending on his bare neck, deepening the kiss.

 ***

June, 29 1935

The next meet, Minho begged to Chihoon, the owner of the tea house, to let him borrow Taeyeon for a couple hours with an ease, because Minho was a powerfull man from a powerfull family, it was Saturday anyway, Minho sure not really much customer would coming through that iron door.

 “Oh Minho, what if I got trouble because of this kidnapping?? Why are we heading to your school building??” Taeyeon started to getting used with this kidnapping attitude of Minho and willing her body to followed him, so did the heart.

 The building area was quite and Taeyeon couldn’t help but to look around, afraid if someone might see them because they were hand in hand and a blushed on their cheeks that seems not to leave for forever.

 “Minseok my Brother!” the man called Minseok greeted them warmly. He was working as a photographer, mostly for a movie  when the technology like camera was became sophisticated.

 “Iam Kim Minseok, it’s a pleasure to meet you, young lady.” Minseok was so gentle, never once in her life Taeyeon being called young lady, who usually only referred for a young noble blood lady.

 “Brother, we are going to change it a little bit, are you done already?”

 “Yes, I already set the camera as your requested, don’t take too long I am afraid the sky will not really cooperate.”

 Minho then lead Taeyeon to a small room where a baby  blue gown hanging gracefully in the wall.

 “We don’t have much time, wear this gown, ill be waiting outside.”

 Minho also changed his clothes to a vancy black suit like a rich man from Europe.

 “Eh, Minho?” Minho was about to teased her for being so cute with the calling but ended with him being shameslessly let his mouth open, his big eyes became bigger like he wanted to captured the most gorgeous Eve ever created in this world. The sleeveless long gown with a V cut looked so perfect with Taeyeon, if the gown have a soul, surely it belongs to Taeyeon.

 He knew they were about to get Minseok angry for waiting them but he couldn’t help to not kissed those rosy lips for a good seconds.

 In the back of the building, there was an old big tree standing proudly in the middle of a big grassy field, with a single wooden swing hanging on its branch. Taeyeon looked so nervous that she had never seen a camera before and what will come out, so Minho gave a little peck on her cheek.

 “You look gorgeous, my Lady. I feel so honorable  to have this moment with you.”

 “What a sweet mouth, stop it already!” Taeyeon was blushed like a crap but slowly relaxed upon the shoothing voice Minho whispering to her ear, made Minseok growed a smile on his face to catched such a natural moment.

 After done with the photo session, they still have an hour before Taeyeon has to go back to worked so they decided to enjoying twilight right behind them with Taeyeon still sit on the swing and Minho behind, back hugging.

 “Minho, you really will lost a lot in your life to be with me, are you sure you ready for that?” asked Taeyeon, eyes never leave at the sky dominated with orange colour.

 “I never this sure, Taeyeon. Let’s have our own life where there are only two of us, and make it three or four or twelve of our children?” Taeyeon slapped him for being such a witty but couldn’t help smiling for thinking to have family and raised them with love, the think that has been missing from her life.

 “Minho, what if we couldn’t make it?” Minho let out a frustrated sigh, he clearly didn’t like it everytime Taeyeon asked something like that.

 “We will make it.”

 “Just if…”

 “I promised to give you a life you deserved with a lot of love once you reincarnated and as a replacement I will willingly to take all your miserable and live with it so only good thinks will happens to you.”

 Minho was an educated man and the thought for afterlife stage was not really had a place on his mind but if it was the only way, the only irrational way to shield his promise, then he would pray and be a nice person for his wished to be granted.

 In the other hand, Minseok was about to packing up his stuff but decided to take one last moment of the two love bird who seems drawning on each other’s stare.

 The couple was too greedy for each other until they ended up in the school’s infirmary room, leaving their elegant clothes scattered over on the floor, filled the room with moan and slapped sound from every thrust Minho gave. The sight of Taeyeon being under him, sweating all over her skin and her tiny hands grasped on his bisceps made him gone wild and crazy. He never knew that falling in love could be this beyond like you would gladly gave your own soul and life just for that someone. Minho devoured that plump pink lips as he near his climax as he gone faster, and with that final thrusted, Minho released inside of her, kissing the girl gently all over her face while she gasped for breathing properly and took a chance to sincerely said,

 “I love you Taeyeon, so much.”

***

June 30th, 1935

 “What do you meant she is not coming today???” Minho almost break the table when he didn’t find Taeyeon’s sight where she supposed to be.

 “I don’t know, Sir. Minho. Iam afraid she is not well today, I will come to her house this afternoon and-“

 “Chihoon-sshi, please give me her address, I will go right now.”

 “But Sir, the traveling will takes more than 30 minutes by train and today is the formal ceremony for this year scholar if I am not mistake.” Minho grabbed Chihoon’s collar and hold himself to not let his punch flying around or he would make the place be a real mess.

 It took forever to wait the train to finally aboard. Minho couldn’t stop his whole body to not shivering and for the first time in his life he prayed to whatever up there to let him meet with the love of his life. He didn’t care if he about to broke the law for kidnapping, this time for real, an underage girl who still under care of her parents.

 Minho never realized that he could ran like a crazy, faster than his mind could do. He couldn’t find which one was Taeyeon’s house but he saw a few villagers leaving a small wrecked house one by one with a dark clothes and head facing the ground, something that made Minho’s leg wobbling.

 ***

01st July, 1935

 Minho took the first train back in the dawn after spending a night crying for his loved one in the river of Taeyeon’s neighbourhood. His eyes was showing no emotion or desire as he hold Taeyeon tighly in his firm hug, as an ashes on the pots.

 Last night a truck of stranger army came to their neighbourhood and forced a children, specially girl and a woman to came along with them. Taeyeon was one of the target but she got a shot on her head for saving the children to escaped and her body was leave on the street, fully wounded and barely naked. The elders of the village immedietly prepared her cremation as the sight of respect and thankful for her sacrifice while the saved children being evacuated to another village.

 Minho looked down to the clay pots, even something attached with her was so beautiful, he never falling in love with a pot before. He let out a tears from his dried eyes, kissed the pot softly and whispered,

 “Iam sorry, I love you so much.”

 ***

 “July 02nd 1935 “The 5th heir of Choi Scholar was found death in Han river.”

 “It must so depressing for his family.”

 “Do you really know what it means? It comes from 1935, there a lot of words I don’t understand.”

 “Spent some times on literacy and less on clothes, Gwiboon, it will help.”

 “Yah! Are you mocking me? Iam a designer, should I learn literacy to knite it on my dress?? You really stressful I don’t believe I agree to come with you today and have a date with my boyfriend in this museum with an old and mystical thinks in every corner!”

 “Hehehe. Iam sorry!!! Thank you very much for accompany me and change your date schedule, I can’t miss this. You know I really waiting for Kim Minseok first Tribute’s to come, moreover, on my birthday! He is really inspired me with his legendary photograph from 30’s to 80’s, like he want us to know what was happened back then through a picture.”

 “Yeah, I know I am the best. Anyway I got to look over Jinki, I am afraid he will triping himself on a piles of the antiques, perhaps.”

 “Gwiboon, truthfully, If its about your clumsy boyfriend, it sounds possible. Go ahead, I will walk around this alley.”

 As she walking by many aesthetic views that makes her heart exited, she finally stop to watch black and white photograph she believe comes from about 1930. The picture is so simple yet elegant with only white and black. She somehow could see so many colors on that photo like the orange sky, the green dewy grass, a big strong old chocolate stem which support a thousands growing leaf, and also love. There are a woman with beautiful gown sitting in the swing, giving her back to the camera and a man with suite and love in his eyes. She look at the tittle of the photo,

 “Romance in the School Back Yard, June 29th 1935”

 “I bet 1930’s romance was truly romantic.” A deep voice suddenly taking her attention. She was so touched by the picture until she doesn’t realise that someone standing beside her, observing as well.

 “Yes indeed. This is so romantic.” Said the girl.

 “So you like Master Kim Minseok?” ask the boy again after a second of silence.

 “I do really adore him, I wished I life in the same era with him.”

 “Me too, he really inspiring isn’t he? Iam Choi Minho, a freelance photographer for this event. And yours?”

 “Lee Taeyeon, Iam currently working as a junior journalist for media, nice to meet you.”

 “Nice to meet you too, July 18th 2018 Lee Taeyeon.” Said the boy named Minho, makes Taeyeon frowning.

 “Iam sorry?”

 “Oh no, nothing, it just come out, Taeyeon is lovely name.” Taeyeon feels like she is going to puke, is this guy try to hit on her? But she kind of entertained with this attitude.

 “You are so weird, Minho-sshi.”

***

[kokichi-and-co-imagine-blog]

AU where Hajime and Nagito are the duo of ghostbusters on the task to clean the haunted house..The house is haunted by the ghost of Chiaki,girl who had no one to play with in life,and even as a ghost,just wants playmates(You may do it either in angsty way,either in funny way,even in complete crack way,write as you want)

This took a long time, I hope you like it anon….

Ghost’s are Real 

-”Ghostbusters”

-Hajime and Nagito never thought they’d get into that profession

-But here they are, armed with dressed up vacuum cleaners and a toaster with sage in it

-To the untrained, these two looked like true blue Ghostbusters. To everyone else, they looked like cosplaying conmen

-Supposedly, the house they’ve been contracted to clear is haunted by the ghost of a little girl

-Her name was Chiaki

-According to witnesses, she calls out to anyone who she’s near and says

-”1v1 me N00b”

-People weren’t aware that they really were all just n00bs

-The two entered the house, not really expecting much. They had been contracted to do a handful of jobs before, but it was all more of a plan by Nagito to escape his dreary life and go to Florida. This was all to just raise enough money to get there. Ghosts weren’t real anyways.

-They get up to the second floor where she had passed. Right in her bedroom.

-The room is somewhat messy, and a game console is plugged into an old box TV. The bed sat made and a little dusty. Chiaki had passed around a year ago, she was on the floor crying when her heartbeat had slowed to nothing. She couldn’t carry on without someone to support her, without a friend

-Hajime crouched down to look at the console while Nagito set the toaster. He wasn’t sure what kind it was, but he thought it was interesting.

-”What Console is this?”

-”I’m not sure…. But I think we should just light the sage and go. We are being paid triple the regular amount.”

-Hajime stands up and away from the console

-”I’m still not comfortable charging people over this. We just burn some sage and take their money. We never actually find ghosts!”

-”This is all going towards our hopeful dream of getting to Florida Hajime… additionally, we give these people a new hope in their despair filled lives…. I’d call it a win-win”

-”ughh…”

-The toaster goes off

-Hajime shoots a look at Nagito

-”Now now, don’t look at me. We may need a new toaster.”

-All the lights go out.

-”…. And we’ll need to replace the fuses.”

-A faint voice beckoned from the television

-”1 v 1 m e n 0 0 b s”

-”H–Hajime? Am I hallucinating again?”

-Coming out of the TV was a young girl

-She face planted into the carpet, and groaned

-”No. No you aren’t. A ghost girl just face planted out of a TV.”

-”If I could feel… that would’ve hurt….”

-The ghost floated up and sat down in front of the TV

-”Are you new friends?”

-Hajime and Nagito shared a look of mutual “OH FUCK WHAT NOW!?”

-Hajime stepped up first

-”Well… My name is Hajime, and this is Nagito. I guess we could be friends…. Your name is Chiaki, right??”

-”Don’t even make it a question gazelle legs, we’d be happy to be friends with a little girl’s ghost!”

-Chiaki’s ghost giggled a little at that

-Turns out she inhabited her console, which was a GameCube

-When plugged in, she would have a greater level of control over things in the room and house

-An example would be being able to play a game on an entirely different console

-Another, being able to manifest visually

-They spent the day, and afternoon, playing every console Chiaki had

-Nagito cracking jokes about anything he knew would make Hajime flustered

-The time drew to a close, but Chiaki had a request

-”Take me with you, please….”

-Hajime hesitantly looked at the GameCube

-”Go ahead Hajime, she is our new friend after all~”

-He breathed a heavy sigh and unplugged the console from the TV

-Before they left, Hajime took two things from Chiaki’s room

-A little hair clip that looked like some 8-bit spaceship and a plushie rabbit

-He wasn’t sure why, but he thought it’d be a good idea to take them with the console

-Chiaki had finally found friends, a new family

-Sure it was in death, but she was happy nonetheless

[becuztaelien]

BTS REACTION

So… Hi everyone! This my first piece of writing, so yea, be nice lol.

 They surprise you while you’re on tour (you’re a really well known idol)

Kim Seokjin

The entire stage was dark except for the single spotlight on me as I sang possibly the most emotional song on my album; ‘Endlessly’. It was obviously for Jin, my beautiful boyfriend of almost 2 years; about the way I loved him, about our future together, about how I wasn’t perfect, but perfect for him. 

I finished the second chorus and closed my eyes not able to help thinking about Jin through the soft piano instrumental. I lightly rocked back and forth lost in his eyes that I wasn’t even looking at. I was probably missing him too much because I felt two strong arms wrap around my figure, a familiar head resting on my shoulder, wow I can even feel his touch now. Slowly turning around, I gasped at the sight of Jin’s closed eyes and worldwide handsome face on my shoulder he looks so real and just so goddamn perfect I’ve definitely lost it, if the fans hadn’t gone wild I would have actually thought I’d lost my mind.

“Jin?!” I squealed not realising it was straight into the microphone, Jin stayed in his position and lightly hummed in my ear, okay he is definitely real ohmygod. “Jin what are you doing here, wait how did you get here-?” He put a single finger on my lips, clearly I was babbling unable to contain my excitement I’m in Australia, what the heck did he just come all the way here???

 “Shhh, I couldn’t wait 2 more weeks to see you, it’s been too long”      

Min Yoongi

I was walking towards my dressing room, ready to change and go home after 3 hours of singing, dancing, bad jokes and a LOT of laughs. Although I love doing concerts, I must admit, by the end of them I’m too worn out to function.

I quickly bowed to the staff around, thanking them for their hard work as usual and stumbled into my dressing room. Taking off my leather jacket, I threw it on to the couch without looking around, my eyes were barely open, this is what 2 hours of sleep feels like I thought.

“Ow!” you spun around absolutely baffled by the slight of your boyfriend slowly getting up from the couch with sleepy eyes.

“Yoongi?!”

“After I flew 10 hours here and waited 3 hours for you, this is what I get? Jacket to the face?” he said holding up said jacket and the rubbing at where it hit him. Even though I had barely an ounce of energy left in me, I ran over to him immediately, practically collapsing in his arms; shooketh and excited but still too tired to move properly.

“I’m sorryyyyyyyy Yoonglessssss” my obviously half assed apology along with hysteric laughing earned a tired ‘whatever’ from him. I stayed still for a while, not wanting to do anything but lie in his arms for the rest of eternity. Just as I was about to drift off into sleep; Yoongi reached up and held my face in his music genius hands and gently placed a kiss on my forehead.

“Hey” he said and I grinned widely at his soft smile and sleepy eyes of course he would be sleeping in my dressing room after that 10-hour journey.

“Hi” I said burying my face in his neck and closing my eyes again.

“Ya! Don’t go to sleep her-”

“You should have come sooner.” Even though I cut him off mid-sentence, which he absolutely hates, I felt a gummy smile against my neck followed by a hum of approval.

“I should have, shouldn’t I?” It had only been 1 week since my tour began, what are we gonna do with each other?

Jung Hoseok

Being musicians and lovers at the same time Hobi and I had recorded a couple of songs together however, since I was on tour by myself, I couldn’t help but feel a little upset when singing a song in which his part was just left as half a minute of silence from my lips.

As his part of the song approached my smile started to fade, I knew I had to be strong for the fans since there wasn’t much more time left until the tour ended anyway you’re gonna see him again soon, just keep it together y/n I thought to myself.

I was about to mouth the silent lyrics when I heard someone singing Hoseok’s part, as a matter of fact I heard Hoseok singing Hoseok’s part I spun round to see my sunshine walking towards me with open arms and a blinding smile oh my god Jung-J-Hoseok-Hobi-Hope.

The excited screams from the fans were louder than they had ever been but somehow I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of his beautiful voice. I ran towards him at the speed of light and allowed myself to be enveloped in his strong embrace feeling the soft vibrations of his voice against my forehead.

He finished his line and looked at me adoringly, ready to sing our shared and final chorus but being Hobi, he didn’t start before screaming into the mic first.

“SURPRISE Y/N!!!!!!” wow he is the literal definition of perfection what did I do to deserve this angel ohmygod he dyed his hair black ohmygodohmygod OKAY CALM DOWN AND SPEAK but before I could even open my mouth, he turned towards the fans and screamed again.

 “I think you’ve borrowed my jagiya for too long so after this song I’m taking her back” I have officially melted. 

Kim Namjoon

One of the staff members had just come in to let me know I had 10 minutes left to go on stage. I quickly checked myself in the mirror to make sure I looked my absolute best, after all it was the final concert after which I could fly back home to my boyfriend who I had left alone for a little over 2 months. He’s not actually alone though, I mean he lives with 6 other guys, he’s probably been occupied.  

The knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts as I waited for someone to notify me of how long I had left, upon not hearing anything, I turned away from the full length mirror, walking towards the door, I opened it confused as to why whoever was on the other side wasn’t saying anything.

 “Yes wha-” I was cut off as a tall figure lifted me off my feet and into a tight hug, the familiar scent flooded my senses and I realised what was happening Namjoon.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t wait any longer” did he really just apologise for making me the happiest girl on the planet? Namjoon wasn’t usually an outwardly clingy boyfriend so his words surprised me a little but I couldn’t help but smile at them, not admitting I absolutely loved this side of him.

 “You just stole my line” I said hugging him back twice as hard, when he let out a slight grunt of pain I loosened my grip and we both stood staring at each other; his hands resting on my waist and mine on his neck. I thought if perfect moments exist, this tops all the charts.

 “Y/N ON STAGE IN 2 MINUTES” I take that thought back… I gripped his shirt, all my strength concentrated in my fist obviously not wanting to let him go.

“AISH it’s okay it’s okay I waited this long already, I can wait another 2 and a half hours-” it seemed more like he was trying to convince himself rather than me, “-go blow that crowd away” he said kissing my temple and giving me the universal ‘Go get em tiger’ nod. I pouted and quickly pecked -or what I thought was ‘pecked’- his lips before running off.

 “See you after the concert Joonie!!!” I said leaving him flustered with a bright red mark on his lips, yep it definitely takes more than a peck for lipstick to stain.

Park Jimin

(Before you read Jimin’s watch the first 35 seconds of this to understand what I’m talking about https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc9lfT4L6T0 )

  As a pop/hip-hop singer I had a good amount of ‘hype’ songs with intense choreography, which obviously took days and days to perfect unlike Jimin who could memorise choreo in about an hour or two. All through the first verse of the song I kept thinking about how Jimin would be able to learn it in seconds and do it a hundred times better than me, which inevitably led me to think about him in general and miss him even more.

Right before the chorus was about to start someone jumped out from within the stage and landed gracefully right in front of me, what just happened? But from one look at his blonde hair I already knew who it was. The moment he landed, he immediately started dancing to the music that blasted from behind my frozen figure. Is that…?

“KEEP SINGING JAGI” Jimin screamed, turning his head ever so slightly with his half-moon eye smile on full display. Yep that’s Park freaking Jimin and… he just jumped out from inside the goddamn stage and started dancing to the song I was just thinking he would be good at dancing to…wow.

“Jimin??!! OH MY GOD” I yelled back before going up next to him and dancing along with him. The fact that he was dancing to my song with my choreography but 100 times better than me was definitely something only he was capable of. The entire atmosphere changed and the energy from the fans tripled, but somehow all I could focus on was Jimin; the way he moved his body so smoothly to the rhythm, the way he mouthed the lyrics, the way he just looked, his presence alone was suddenly so breath-taking, have I really been dating this piece of art for 2 years?

The second the song ended I jumped into his arms, tightly wrapping my legs around his waist and of course he did his signature full body laugh in that exact moment causing the both of us to fall on the stage. From the sound of the crowd losing their minds alone, I realised that I fell right on top of Jimin. I tried to get off but Jimin grabbed my thighs and pulled me back down onto him, looking me directly in the eye.

 “What did you eat? You look 10 times more beautiful than the last time I saw your face” I probably blushed really hard because he started laughing and pinched my cheeks lightly.

“Jajangmyeon…” I replied with the most genuine smile I had given in a while.

Kim Taehyung

I was missing my boyfriend like crazy and ever since my tour had begun, both of our schedules just got so packed, there was barely enough time to text let alone call. Right after singing the song I wrote for him, I felt especially needy, the only thing keeping me from actual depression was the sight of my ecstatic fans along the thought that I only had to wait 3 more weeks until I could see him again.

“Look at all your beautiful faces! Ah! Wow! So much beauty focussing just on me? I should go to jail for this” I said genuinely, my statement of course earned very loud ‘NO’ from them along with incoherent sentences telling me they don’t deserve me. No more like I don’t deserve all of your love I thought, here I am thinking about my boyfriend right in front of thousands of my adoring fans, who are the actual reason for all of my success, it almost felt like cheating. It was a well-known fact that I had one of the most beautiful fans in the whole world, maybe I just attract beautiful people… like Tae I thought ughhhh STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

 “So what punishment should you receive for neglecting this beauty for 6 weeks?” A bright light shone on one of the high platforms on the stage which I didn’t even realise was there until I spun round and gasped, my heart skipping multiple beats at the sight of Kim Taehyung –the man I was trying not to think about- pointing to himself with the most adorable pout I had ever seen on a human being.

“TAE?!!” I barely managed to choke out, too over whelmed and awestruck by the current situation when a familiar song started playing and I saw all of the members enter the stage as the platform with my boyfriend began to lower. HOLY SHET!!! WHAT??? OMG HOBI, JOON, KOOK, YOONGS, CHIM, JINNIE!!!!!!! HOW ARE THEY ALL HERE AND TAE??? WTF IS HAPPENING?!

 “Yo, yo girl, I wanna, I wanna tell you this, that you’re ma… miss right” Joon started singing and I immediately covered my mouth trying to hide the ginormous smile forming on my face, TALK ABOUT THROWBACK. Slight tears began to tickle eyes at the sight of my best friends stood around me singing. Tae finally reached the stage and started walking towards me, the timing as perfect as him, wow talk about elegant.

 “Yes you’re my only girl, neoneun naege choego” he sang and immediately after, took me into his strong embrace, members still singing around us while the fans went wild. Apart from the sound of 6 beautiful voices all that could be heard was loud wolf whistles and it made me happy to think I had fans who supported my relationship and cheered me on rather than give him hate because of jealousy they were truly the best. Tae pulled away lightly and placed his forehead on mine, he gave me the most panty-dropping stare ever before moving his lips next to my ear.

“Next time you go for this long I’m gonna sue you”

Jeon Jungkook 

The concert was finished, I stood at the front of the stage seeing the crying faces of my beloved fans. Although we had spent near enough 3 hours together, it was obviously not enough, it was never enough, even for me. These were the people who supported me, put their time, and money into me just because they believed in me; if I had the chance I would take them all out to dinner just to thank them for everything they’ve done for me.

“Did you all have a good time?” I asked grabbing a bottle of water, half out of breath from the recent dancing and singing.

“YES!!!” they all screamed back in union without any hesitation, this always put the widest, toothiest smile ever on my face, it just made me so happy to be able to be the person who brought joy and happiness in their lives even if just for a little while.

 “Ah me too! I wish I could stay longer… maybe I can…should I stay?

I was expecting another loud ‘yes’ but this time they all stood silent; some covering their mouths others just staring with a blank expression. Furrowing my eyebrows, I was about to speak into the mic when a loud “NO” sounded through the speakers. I spun round, so fast my hair hit me in the face, quickly brushing it away, I finally understood the obscure reaction from my fans; there… near the exit of the stage… stood Jeon Jungkook. He was carrying what seemed to be all my bags with utmost ease and I definitely didn’t miss the way the tank top he was wearing made sure his muscles were on full display.

 “You’ve already spent more than 2 months with them, that’s exactly one sixth of the time we’ve been together.” It took a second for me to fully come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend had just flown 10 hours to see me and also did he really just do math? I tried to make sense of his odd use of fractions when it hit me. It was today.

“Happy one year jagiya” Kookie said pulling out a massive bouquet of roses from behind his back, I was too shooketh to say anything and simply stood there dumbfounded. “Joon-hyung may have helped construct that last sentence” he said lightly scratching his head and giving me his signature bunny smile.

  Jeon Jungkook… just voluntarily did math… for me… wow.

So yeaaaaa hope you all liked it, and if you want me to write more just send me an ask yayyy! Btw I’m Ash.

[plaidwoojin]

OK because I am lowkey high on sugar, I am going to tell y’all the story of my Wanna One biases (former and current) cause why not!

(Under the cut cause I spent like 45 minutes writing this entire thing and it’s long)

Ok when Wanna One was officially announced I was one of those people who were very salty about Jonghyun being eliminated. So I was all like “I may stan them cause of Minhyun maybe not...” That was me. Like I didn't get fully into them... 

After I suddenly gained interest (mainly from Wanna One Go and their Energetic MV), I decided to make Minhyun my bias cause I still didn’t really know the others that well cause during Produce, I was mainly following Nu’est and Samuel. 

Anyways, fast forward a bit and I have become whipped. Now they are like in my Top 5 groups. This means that this is the stage where I watch Produce best moments compilations, crack videos and all those sorts. And that is when I found this one video...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_5jIhiLFEQ (genuinely thank you whoever made this ily)

At exactly 9:57 my entire bias list got shook. Cause Park fucking Woojin, who during Produce I didn’t really know, did the Thing™ (aka Sexy Baby Oh My Lady). I got shook and I was like “Shit.” After that, I was in denial but I was watching everything Prak Woojin related. That is when I gave up and decided that Woojin was now my official bias. Rip Minhyun as my bias.

This further got reinforced when Wanna City happened and freaking King of Variety Shows™ Park Woojin enters with his dolphin screeching.

Now after that, I was questioning lots of things. Cause when Wanna One Go ep 1 premiered and Sungwoon (bless his soul) brought out a freaking toaster, I was like oh shit, could this man be my second bias. That didn’t happen though, but now I will always remember Sungwoon, cloud, fairy, amazing vocal as... Taster man.

OKAY THAT WAS A BRIEF INTERMISsION IDK WHY!!!

Ok now for Baejin, I honestly... don’t remember. Like I know that I didn’t follow him during Produce so I was lowkey like.. who tf are you when he was announced as #10. I admit that I did that. For the bias part tho.... it started after Energetic promotions but before Beautiful promotions.

Once again, I was scrolling through Youtube (yes i do that a lot) and I just was on this crack video and then I heard a really darn loud CLACK CLACK and I was like who tf?? and then i realized it was Jinyoung and I was like okay??? But I really wasn’t cause now I finally associated something with this man.

THEN, I was on Tumblr and I saw everyone giffing him from the Good Day MV and I was like....ok. I listened and watched the MV. I started to pay more attention to him. (as well I started stanning Good Day, watch their MV, what their Freak dance cover, support them on the Unit). THAT MEANS FOR ME TO WATCH ALL THE BAEJIN VIDEOS IN ONE SITTING AT 11 PM!!! FUN!!! And it was. After a few more days of watching Wanna One Go for fun, watching Baejin videos, going through the baejin tag, I was whipped for Mr. Lollipop head as well.

So that was how Baejin and Woojin became my biases. 

But we are still not over yet... I haven’t really.. accepted this fully but I am pretty sure that I am becoming this...

I am slowly becoming a Jihoon stan as well.

OK I’LL TALK ABOUT HIM HERE AS WELL.

When the Nothing Without You teaser photos came out and I saw freaking Park Jihoon BLONDE I fucking screamed. I screamed more than I have screamed when Woojin did Sexy Baby Oh My Lady. I screamed man.

I was not okay. Period. Better yet, next day Woojin came out (I got shook) and FINALLY BAEJIN CAME OUT. OK BUT I HAVE A STORY FOR BAEJIN’S PHOTO. You see, it was 12 and after a long ass day of art torture, I was finally able to go up and sleep. I was literally on my bed about to fall asleep when my brain was like you should check instagram.. I did that and I almost screamed at 12 am cause of the majestic beauty that is Bae Jinyoung. I got so shook I strated lowkey crying and I showed my other friend who is a Baejin stan as well and we were scream texting together. It was a mess.

ANYWAYS, BACK TO JIHOON.

After fucking blonde Jihoon came along and started pulling at my hand, I was willing myself to not be a stan cause “I don’t like stanning people that others normally stan”. BUT THEN THE 2PARK HAPPENED.

OK I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A 2PARK SHIPPER. BUT IT WAS LOWKEY OKAY.. NOT AS BIG AS I AM SHIPPING THEM NOW

But that was just the beginning cause Wanna One Go Zero Base just started. (I blame everything on Wanna One Go tbh...)

And the EXCESSIVE amount of 2park!!!!! OML I WAS A GONER!!!

STARTING FROM THE PART WHERE THEY WERE ON THE PLANE AND IDK JISUNG WAS FILMING THEIR ANTICS

AND THEN WHEN THIS HAPPENED AS WELL

OH BOY THIS IS BECOMING A 2PARK RANT BUT WHATEVER!

That was when I was like omfg I ship these two so much. And nothing really happened till recently.. like all I did was keep an eye on Jihoon, hoping that he wouldn’t do anything to serious to shatter my newly made bias list.

BUT THEN THE PINK HAIR COMES IN

I, once again, screamed. I immediately thought of Jigglypuff and pink sausage and I was just... a trainwreck. Then THE FREAKING MASS WAVE OF 2PARK COMES IN!!

LIKE WHO WOULDN’T SHIP THAT???

So... now we are back at today, with me being extremely obsessed with 2park and because of that, being in love with both Jihoon and Woojin (also Baejin but we are talking about 2park here) and me questioning if I should triple bias or not.

Thank you to whoever reads this entire shitfest, I appreciate you.

[megbox]

2017 Year in Review

Previous posts: (2016) (2015) (2014) (2013) (2012) (2011) 

Oh, 2017. I wish I could bottle you up and take sips of you when things in the future get sad and grey. What a wild ride you have been. These posts continue to get longer and more self-indulgent, and I’ll warn you upfront that 2017 will be no exception. I find sometimes that I’ll explain a story from this year to someone and they’ll blink back at me like... what. I find myself thinking that sometimes. 

I have decided to deem 2017 the year of spontaneous recovery. Not without a few setbacks but really, what kind of recovery ever goes smoothly? Certainly not mine. It was more like gradual-and-then-sudden recovery. Simple recovery. Recovery you do not even really notice until you’re far enough removed from what sucked in your life. 2017 has seen me go back to school, work 60-hour weeks to afford a spontaneous Europe trip to spend time with a boy I’d only known for a month, have a threesome, total my car, get an STI (unrelated to the threesome LOL), figure out what I want to do with my career and really go for it, and take the best vacation of my entire life. So without further ado, let’s jump in. 

January 

So January actually really sucked. Something I’ve realized about myself over the course of the entire year is that I deal poorly with change and January was full of it. No school to return to, my contract at Graham came to an end, and I found myself sitting around at home, sleeping in until 11:00am just to wake up and apply for jobs that I did not even want and check my calendar to see if I waitressed that night. The post-graduation slump was the real deal. 

On January 8th, I totalled my Jeep on the way to work. I did hit another vehicle but thankfully everyone was unharmed. I’ve only experienced acute shock like that once before and goddamn this time was just as awful. 0/10 experience, do not recommend. The only upside is that while insurance did their thing, I got to drive what I affectionately referred to as “the clown car” aka a 2016 Mini Cooper that was amazing on gas and had rainbow lights inside. 

In an attempt to fill the void that was my life in January, I started doing intake support at the Calgary Sexual Health Centre as a volunteer. It was in my orientation here that I made the decision to apply for the social work program at the U of C. The facilitator found me on break and asked me if I was a social worker and something clicked. I went home that day, heart racing, and started researching it. I realized - what better way to know what you want to do with your life than to look at how you spend your unpaid time? She’ll never read this but thanks Chelsea, you have no idea the impact that one question had on my little life! 

February 

Another contributor to February’s stress was that my single-job life did not afford me the financial freedom to pay my bills. This was alleviated in February when my restaurant switched from a pooled-tip to an individual tip system and I immediately began making triple the amount in tips (despite being an active resistor to the switch... LOL... I tuned in real quick). Valentine’s Day of this year was one of my favourite shifts serving of my life. They let us dress up so I wore a red dress and lipstick and flower in my hair, carried cinnamon hearts in my pocket and at one time let out a “hell yeah, girl” when a lady requested more garlic bread LOLOL 

Over the long weekend, I went to Kananaskis and stayed in a wilderness hostel for Shelby’s birthday. She’s a good friend now but at the time, Shelby and I were in kind of that peripheral-friend stage. I was super nervous about going since I hardly knew anybody but OMG WHAT AN AMAZING WEEKEND. We skied our faces off, drank Copper Moon pinot noir from a box, played Canadian trivia games, slept in bunk beds and gathered around a bonfire at night. Ali joined me on the second night and ugh I wasn’t even wearing MAKEUP I was just LIVING MY LIFE AND IT WAS SO NICE. 

Okayokay. Now... this might be kind of weird to write in a year in review but February was also the very first time I slept with someone who is not my ex-boyfriend. This is a big deal because it was something I had built up in my mind like crazy... imagining it would be this earth-shattering experience that opened the sexual floodgates. It was not. It was very... normal. I didn’t even tell my friends about it for like ten days (VERY uncharacteristic for me. Usually I get out the metaphorical megaphone and scream it from the rooftops cause I’m so excited). In retrospect though, I do recall slinking back upstairs and running into Sydney in the kitchen. She’s like, “wtf did you sleep downstairs?” I looked back at her... yes... yes that’s exactly what happened... heh so who knows. ANYWAYS. I woke up the next morning feeling literally no different than I had the night before and that is exactly what I needed it to feel like. No big deal. It was important in its complete and total unimportantness. He will never read this but I ended up just shamelessly ghosting this dude after he used the l-o-v-e word WAY too early (another theme of the last like... year and a half) and then he came to my place on my birthday uninvited with a VERY expensive and thoughtful present of a bunch of vinyl records from all of my favourite musicians and I ACCEPTED IT LMAOOOO because I really wanted those fucking records. Wow. I suck. 

March 

We (so, me and my four best friends from Famoso) deemed it “Mellow March” and attempted to forego drinking and fast food for the entire 31 days of the month. Let me go on record to say that none of us made it (I think Alex literally made it one day... but he had a date so we’ll let it slide) but I made it the farthest which was 17 days. 

I was in a super-into-running phase during March and crushed a 5km fun run on St. Patrick’s Day with my family and my brother’s girlfriend. It was -18 degrees and I’m dumb and didn’t warm up nor cool down. The Bluetooth headphones my brother lent me also died 30 seconds into the run from the cold. I NEVER run without music. I was in pain. It was so boring. I suspect this is the incident in which I injured my MCL. The bright side is that it’s technically a personal best, and my mom won her WEIGHT in Village beer. 

OKAY now for the best part of March. FELIX FELIX FELIX. Felix is a German boy. He was nearing the end of a year-long working holiday visa trip through Canada when I met him at a bar the night I broke Mellow March (which I almost didn’t go to... so moral of the story: ALWAYS go!). I think a total of one hour elapsed from the time I met him to us being in a taxi on the way back to my house. I’m not sure if it was the German accent, the copious amounts of happy hour drinks Mikaela and I had consumed prior to the bar, or his whole carefree-traveler thing that sealed the deal - probably a combination of all three - but I felt ZERO apprehension about the whole thing and it was an amazing and unexpected night. I went to brunch the next morning in the previous night’s makeup, still tipsy and totally elated to share with my friends the adventures of the night before. I took him on a date where I picked him up at his hostel and we drove to Lake Louise and Moraine Lake and talked about everything and shared music. It’s a cool experience to be able to show someone those places for the first time. We came back to my house and made dinner and he taught me how to play Highway to Hell by AC/DC on guitar. Your girl was smitten. 

April 

April was Felix-crazy month. Seriously. I should take a moment here to thank my former roommates for being so cool about him staying over so much in between his trips. You guys rock. :’) 

April is also my birthday month!!! Felix was in Banff but he took a greyhound to Calgary to spend the day with me. He had flowers and Sea Cider and I was basically just heart-eyes emoji’ing the whole damn day. We rented an Airbnb for the night on the top floor of this beautiful condo building in downtown Calgary, drank champagne, got tacos, and watched the sunset over the skyline. Felix told me it was the best day of his entire Canada trip and it was definitely a day I’ll always remember. Later on the weekend, my brother and I had a joint party which was so much FUNNNNNN we got up on the couch and made a toast and they played “All the Small Things” by Blink 182 just so everyone could yell “NOBODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU’RE 23″ at me. Tres bien. 

Aaaand then Felix left on the 20th. I drove him to the airport and I’m telling you... it was sad. It honestly felt like a breakup except there was no fight or conflict that ended things it was just like... you live in another part of the world. We have to say bye and we don’t want to and this really sucks. We BOTH cried and for the following week I was just an abysmal shell of a human being. True to form, I could not handle the fact that I’d never see him again and so six days after he left I booked my flight to visit him with NO idea how I was going to afford it. 

May 

Okay May also sucked. The only good part of May was that I received my formal acceptance to the social work program. 

The rest of the month was spent at work. That is not an exaggeration. I picked up a second job hostessing at this restaurant in my city located within a trendy hotel with a pool patio. At first, I was super excited to be working there because it was fun and a relatively easy job, I had a mild crush on one of my coworkers, and I really needed the money. Then reality set in. This place aims to be a cool, collected place for Calgary’s rich and famous to sip cocktails by the pool and mingle. Unfortunately for this establishment, the people who actually showed up are basically Calgary’s own Jersey Shore. Tans, fake boobs, tribal tattoos, oil-rig money, thong bikinis, cocaine, and $800 bar tabs are what we got. The job went from hostess to nightclub bouncer as soon as the sun was out. It didn’t matter what day of the week it was... these animals would show up at 11:00am on a Monday and be cannon-balling into the pool by 12:45pm having consumed 30oz of our finest rum. I’d work every day there and then hightail it to Famoso to work another 5-8 hours. I was fucking miserable and my only solace was Skyping Felix every morning before I left. 

June 

The first half of June was exactly like May until the 16th. I was finally free on vacation. I literally took my heels off and ran barefoot down the street to my car after being dismissed from work on the 15th, nearly crying of excitement that I wouldn’t have to return for three weeks. 

The first stop was Stacey and Mike’s wedding at the Burrowing Owl winery in Osoyoos, BC. I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING BEFORE AS AN ADULT and this one was in BEAUTIFUL SUNNY OSOYOOS and had an open bar and I was with my best friends. Some remarks: 

Alex and I got ready and were lookin’ super fancy and I needed hairspray so we drove to Shopper’s and when we got out of the car, a lady on the street remarked to her friend, “Oh my god, what a beautiful couple.” We just... our egos soared... we laughed about it the whole day. 

Getting a taxi in Osoyoos is among the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. 

I cried at the ceremony because I am sucker. 

Stacey’s family drama totally enveloped the wedding and I have to admit - her mother was such a total b*tch to us and CLEARLY did not want us at the wedding (what kind of person doesn’t want the brides FRIENDS at the wedding???? honestly) and it made us feel awkward. 

My favourite part of the whole night (aside from the DANK charcuterie board that emerged at the midnight buffet... my god... I almost passed out I was so happy... that CREAMY gorgonzola... I will dream about it forever) was at the unofficial afterparty which was all of us just chillin’ in our fancy clothes in the penthouse suite of this winery. The newlyweds, us, and some of Stacey’s siblings were on the balcony sipping leftover champagne and everyone else smoked a joint while I consumed about a pound of fresh cheese and meats. 

The 19th was my one day in between Osoyoos and Germany. I invited my friends to go out drinking since I hadn’t seen them in so long. And in a move that none of my friends will ever let me forget, I got wasted... karaoke was put into the mix... and long story short, I missed my 7:22am flight to Germany. In fact, Emma texted me a sweet “have so much fun!” text at 7:45am and that is what woke me up. I cannot even IMAGINE how I looked rolling into the airport... still drunk, Lululemons on inside out and backwards, glasses hanging off of my no-makeup face and full of adrenaline and anxiety. I cried, begged, sat on hold for 1.5 hours and offered some vague explanations about “last night” to the Westjet employees and was put on a later flight for a minor fee of $100. It all worked out and I only made it to Germany three hours later than I was supposed to. 

And so then... Germany. God damn, I really can’t summarize Germany. My friends nicknamed it #IBC2017 (aka: International Booty Call 2017) which is kind of exactly what it was. But oh my god. It feels so weird and cool to arrive in a country you’ve never been before and had no intention of visiting two months prior, and have a local at the airport, with flowers, to pick you up. And to BE that person having that stupid reunion. Felix lives in a fairly small-town part of Germany at the very north, so I spent most of my time there and in other small German towns around it. We also drove to Copenhagen, took a day trip to Malmo, Sweden, and visited some of the larger cities in Germany like Hamburg and Berlin. 

Ugh I can’t summarize. I’m just going to list random memories: 

We drank so much DELICIOUS German beer and ate so much bread (seriously the bread game in Germany is out of this world... I didn’t realize how much better bread could get but... wow)

I ate pastries that looked like Pepe in Copenhagen 

Felix gave me a scar from tripping while holding baked brie cheese that was literally just out of the oven and splashing me with this molten lava cheese on my arm

I rode the Drop of Doom with Felix and his two friends at this city festival in Kiel which was like a baby Stampede kind of without the country theme 

I learned that the German word for pug is “mops” which is also slang for “tits” which resulted in the most hilarious inside joke ever

Felix’s mother told me I had been touched by angels (lmao) and I got to tour the broadcasting station for all of Northern and Central Germany and see a live taping of a nutrition broadcast (in German... but still... pretty cool) 

I HAD A THREESOME IN BERLIN LOLOLOL after a wild night of clubbing. Observations post-threesome: sex without jealousy is POSSIBLE and FUN, I am super straight. Super super SUPER straight. The momentary awkwardness in between certain times was actually kind of endearing and normalizing. We invited her to hang out with us the next day but all of us were literally exhausted and hungover and she escaped into the streets of Berlin never to be seen again. Goodbye sweet German girl.

July 

I was still in Germany for the first week of July. I started to get my work schedule for that horrible job at the hotel and so impulsively I sent a polite but cowardly email to my boss from the Zurich airport notifying them of my resignation. It worked out because it was about 3am Calgary time when I sent it, which I feel added emphasis to the “fuck this job” thing, and I immediately had to board a nine hour flight so I couldn’t check my phone every five minutes for a response. 

Leaving Germany was not as sad as when Felix left Canada. I love my life in Canada and despite a brief moment at the airport where I considered just... not... returning... I soon came to my senses lmao and boarded the plane. And now I’m left with some Polaroid pictures, a few extra stamps in my passport, a beautiful handwritten letter and a million hilarious memories and the knowledge of how to say “i like big tits/pugs” in German. 

The rest of July was just work work work work work. And Stampede. I have to give props to Steven here for going out every. single. night. Where do you get this kind of stamina??? This kind of money???? Dear god. Another good friend of mine had a threesome with two pilots she met at the Cowboys tent this year. Not really a part of MY year but worth a mention nonetheless. The texts in the group chat the next morning... legendary. 

The end of July was also when I moved out of the Brenthood house. There are definitely reasons why they say not to live with your best friends but honestly???? I loved that house in a weird way. I do miss seeing my old roommates every day and having moments like when Emma texted her ex “Good night.” because he wasn’t responding to her (it was like 8pm) and he immediately... and I do mean IMMEDIATELY called her. O m g we were howling with laughter. Brenthood may have been dank and cold but it was also super fun. Miss you, my old bad bois/roommates <3 

August 

AUGUST SUCKED. AUGUST WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. I worked SO much and the only bright side was that I was able to pay off my entire Europe trip in cash by the first two weeks due to that sweet sweet patio-serving tip money. 

Mostly August sucked because I got chlamydia. Yep. Well, technically the chlamydia was acquired in June. But I became aware of its existence on the very first day of August. The infection itself is no big deal. It’s curable, my symptoms were very minimal, and it was really more of an inconvenience than anything else. The drugs they gave me though... oh my god they made me so violently nauseous and I literally felt my insides cramping. ZERO OUT OF TEN EXPERIENCE. NEGATIVE TEN OUT OF TEN. Would NOT recommend. The circumstances surrounding how I acquired chlamydia is what made August sucks so bad though. They sent me tumbling down into a dark place where I really do not spend much time anymore. I was very very sad. There is something to be said for really bad things happening every single time you see a certain person. Like, how many signs can the universe give you? How many ways does someone have to prove to you they are a piece of shit before you finally realize it? Apparently chlamydia will do the trick!!! 

I’m not sure if any of you have ever had an STI but in Alberta they have a very detailed record-keeping system as far as testing and treatment. So when I went through this process myself I learned that the person who gave me the STI had weeks to tell me and never did. They’d been tested and treated before I even got the call from a random nurse. I’m not sure if they were hoping I wouldn’t be able to narrow it down or whatever their motives were... but it feels pretty shitty to know that someone you trusted to wear a condom if necessary didn’t even care enough about you to let you know about an STI themselves. I felt gross and sad and ashamed to be dealing with the same old shit. 

Aaand lastly Steven moved away to Burnaby for grad school. Due to the aforementioned antibiotics I couldn’t even get drunk at his going away party which is a shame because lawd knows the man went buck wild that night. But in addition to being very proud of him it was like really sad because it signalled the beginning of the inevitable MASS MIGRATION of people I know to other places and things. 

September 

The next few months will be short and boring because I started school in September which began to encompass most of my time and energy aside from Famoso. August took a toll on me and I started school kind of burnt out, to be honest. I basically sat in class with my laptop and was antisocial and introverted. 

September was also cool because I started my involvement with the Consent Awareness and Sexual Education club. I love CASE, I love everyone IN CASE, and being a part of it has been a huge part of why I love school so much thus far. 

October 

On October 1st, I moved back out into an apartment near my workplace with a new roommate. Though much smaller than my old place, it’s more secure, I have my own bathroom, and the smallness of the apartment motivates me to spend less time there. I can also bike to work in the summertime!!! Very excited about this. I also no longer have to worry about utility bills because my rent is at a fixed rate. God bless America. 

I WENT ON A BLIND DATE. This is in all capitals and is being included because previously I would never have fucking dreamed I would be game to do this and the fact that I did is a testament to INCREASING SELF CONFIDENCE AND PERSONAL GROWTH. My best friend started dating this lovely guy and it was her who set up this double-date with one of her boyfriend’s friends. My date also had zero social media so I legit knew nothing about this man. They took us to a jazz show in Inglewood and then to Cold Garden for beer. And I ended up at his place. The details of the end to this night are fuzzy but I do remember crouching down to look at what he had on his bookshelf and seeing some Malcolm Gladwell. And I asked him some questions about it lmao and he had actually read them. And hilariously when he drove me home to my apartment the next morning I forgot to ask for his number so I just hopped out of his truck and went inside LMAOOOOO. It’s okay. He wasn’t weird enough for me. I mean that sincerely. He was too normal. I was like.. in any other scenario this guy would probably be so annoyed by me. I g2g. 

I came down with a horrible flu on what was supposed to be one of the most fun weekends of the entire semester - the CASE retreat in Banff. We went to a hostel and were undertaking workshops and bonding. We had plans to go to Banff Pride and indulge in a drag show and party party party but holy shit the flu hit me like a ton of bricks and I literally had to call someone to come rescue me in his car and take me home. Seriously tragic. 

November 

Nothing of particular importance happened in November. I just worked and studied.

December 

December december december. A busy month for sure. On the 6th, I drove up to Edmonton to attend a two-day course on responding to disclosures of sexual assault... except they cancelled the training 1.5 hours before it was about to begin. Nothing to do but drive the three hours back. Ho hum. 

I ended my first semester with a 3.9 GPA :) Super pumped about that. 

And of course... Hawaii. Honestly, as I type this, I am still reeling with post-vacation blues because Hawaii was so wonderful and wild that returning to Calgary actually sucked. I went to Honolulu for eight days all by my lonesome which to some seemed like a weird concept. But the last time I traveled solo was to England in 2014 which was possibly the worst experience of my entire life. So at the risk of sounding super lame, Hawaii was somewhat of a chance at reclaiming the big part of me that isn’t afraid to explore. It was a way to challenge my tendency to slip into introvertedness at school and a way to forget about Calgary and be that cool-girl-traveler for a week. 

I’m not sure what it is that happens to me when I’m traveling but I feel like I turn into the best version of myself. I try to be up for anything, I find genuine excitement in meeting new people, I’m not all that worried about how I look. This particular trip was made so wonderful by the people that I met. It was also the first vacation aside from Germany that I’ve taken where I didn’t get my period and didn’t get sick (A+!). But mostly it was the people ;) This cast of characters includes my hostel roommates... Elena from Tuscany (who runs a guesthouse there and said I can stay for free!!!), Mao from China, Rachelle from the states-but-living-in-Aus. And our other friends. Oliver from Denmark, Maurice from the Netherlands, Sebastian from the states. Joe from Australia. Vincent from Montreal. Rachel from Tennessee. I just totally embrace the hostel thing and went with it and it paid off in a major way. I never said “no.” I found myself hiking up to waterfalls with three of the hottest men I have ever met, snorkeling in Hanauma Bay with a super cool Brazilian, hiking Koko Head with possibly one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had while the sun beat relentlessly down on me and 85-year-old Japanese men told me to get out of the way, rolling to the North Shore in a rented car with Oliver listening to rap music and body surfing in waves that were WAY above my skill level. I listened to my roommate have what I described as “powerful sex” from the top bunk... which was hilarious because when I later did the same thing they played the Lonely Island’s “I Just Had Sex” from Oliver’s stereo to wake me up as payback. 

But there were five of us who spent all of our time together in Hawaii. Rachelle, Maurice, Oliver, Sebastian, and me. Rachelle and I were in room 9 of the hostel and we drank there so often it became known around the hostel as “Club 9″. We partied so hard. WE MADE SO MANY FRIENDS. I walked home by myself from the club, drunk as hell and met a friendly drug dealer who bought me McDonalds and offered to take me for a nice Hawaiian breakfast the next morning. I don’t know how to encompass this trip without just listing random memories, apparently. My favourite night was the last night when I had the best sex of my life on a lifeguard stand on Waikiki beach at 2:00am. Seriously a night I will remember for the rest of my life and the cherry on top of what had already been a bold trip. 

Everyone has different reasons that bring them to a certain place at a certain time. Sometimes it’s just chance and the need for a vacation - like it was for me. But there is something so cool about how a group of people away from their regular selves and lives can form such a unique and hilarious friendship and how traveling brings out such an exciting and welcoming spirit in most people~~~~ Hawaii was the best week of my entire life and I say that with 110% certainty. 

General Things~*~* 

I think I actually figured out what I want to do with my life. Holy shit. And I made some serious progress on making it a reality and setting myself up for the future. Unlike when I was in journalism I actually feel competent. I love social work because it emphasizes the personal connection you bring to your work and your practice and your research. In journalism you always had to quash that somewhat in the protection of objectivity. 

I have made enormous progress this year in regards to relationships and sex and intimacy. I enjoy these things in a much more mature and realistic way and am more confident in myself which has allowed me to be more confident in casual sex in a legitimate and fun and EMPOWERING form of intimacy. 

Ummm. I finally levelled out and gained the permanent separation from my ex-boyfriend (and his family!!!) Not without slipups but I chalk it up nowadays to just anger rather than desiring the relationship back or his attention. Nonetheless - we live totally separate lives now. Fuck yeah. 

2018 

I NEEEEED to keep riding this wave of happy times and general ~life enjoyment~ in 2018. 

I will do the majority of my social work degree over this year including my first practicum placement (which I’ll be interviewing for next month... holy shit) and I am determined to slay it. 

I really want to deepen my participation in all of my volunteer commitments. I don’t think it would be healthy or sane to take on anything new at this point but like I’d like to get formally trained in admin for Dr. Gibbs at the CSHC or something, and move from a crisis de-escalator to an actual counsellor at Kids Help Phone. 

Alex and I are going to motha’ fuckin Thailand at the end of April. After Hawaii, my desire to explore is at an all-time high. I’m looking forward to returning to Asia with a fresh outlook and an awesome travel partner. Let’s hit that full moon party, boys. I’ll also probably go somewhere next December, too. I’m not sure where that will be yet. Early ideas are Belize/Panama/Nicaragua, or Greece/Croatia. 

Other than that, 2018 is an open book, baby!!! I cannot wait. 

[alegendarystudentwonderland-blog]

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e renters insurance quotes

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What are the pros and cons of car insurance?

What are the pros and cons of car insurance?

Can car insurance companies commit an offence? IN10?

My car insurance company (One Call) recently cancelled my policy due to them not receiving my proof of no claims in time (that's another issue). However, they failed to notify me in time and I carried on driving my car for 5 days un insured, until the letter arrived (policy cancelled on 10/9/12 and letter sent 14/9/12). Does anyone know if they have committed an offence, IN10 or other? They also charged me 205 cancellation (even though an extension on the proof of no claims was agreed and then later denied when I questioned them) Any advice is very welcome. Thanks.""

Low Insurance Car For Teen Boy?

I am turning 16 in a couple of months and I need to know what USED vehicles would be best for low insurance. Nothing lower than 1998 and nothing higher than 2007. Please give me some suggestions. NO ugly cars either...

""Is car insurance cheaper in L.A., CA or Fort Worth, Texas?

I'm currently living in the L.A. area and am moving to Fort Worth and I was wondering if I should expect an increase or decrease in my current rate and how much of a difference I should see. My record is clean. I also have good credit. (if either of those might have more affect in either state)

Why is my home insurance quote so high?

I am buying a home next month and have been shopping for home insurance. The cheapest premium I've been quoted is 1,800/year. I have done research and it seems most people pay 600-1000/year. I have never owned a home (so no claims) and I have never used my renters insurance to file a claim. I'm 26 with a 710 credit score. The home is 2300sqft and I am asking for 250,000 in coverage. I even raised the deductibles to see if that would lower it, which it didn't really make a huge difference. Any ideas?""

Auto insurance claim check?

Hi I hit a deer a few days ago and I received a check today for the damages but the check is made out to me and my bodyshop. My question is, can I cash this check myself or request another check that's just made out to me? No repairs have been made yet and I still owe money on the car so there is a lien holder. I plan to use the money to repair the car but I want to buy my own parts (aftermarket) and do my own repairs. I know for sure I can repair the car and with the parts I have chosen I will have a decent amout of money left over that I would like to pay my bills with. Any help is greatly appreciated.""

""Can I pay car insurance monthly? If so, do they add interest?""

I am 17 and I hope to pass my driving test in the next 2 months. I am hoping to get a cheap Vauxhall Corsa as soon as I pass my test, and I am enquiring about how to pay my insurance. If I pay the insurance monthly, do they add interest? Also, how much do they charge per month? Of course, it varies, but what is the average? Any info will be appreciated :D""

Pulled over with expired car insurance.?

I was pulled over and asked for my car insurance.It turns out it was expired.I didn't notice since I have been up to date with my payments every month and the insurance company never contacted me to remind me. My insurance expired in September. I got a ticket for it. is there something I can do? even if it expired, does it still matter that I kept paying it?""

What are the best car insurances in Dallas ?

I recently moved to Dallas and now need a new insurance.

Good car insurance sites?

Would like to know if any of you know of any good car insurance sites. I am a student who will be driving a fiat punto/ maybe even a skoda fabia.

Can I drive with my moms insurance?

Can I drive my moms car with her insurance with her in the car with me. Without being added onto her insurance policy?

Insurance test?

Where can i find a test book and how can i become a insurance agent?

How much will full coverage insurance cost if i start to lease a infiniti ex35?

im 20 years old

What's the average insurance cost of a 17 year old just strating to drive?

1.) In a 1.0 engine car 2.) In a 1.5 engine car 2.) In a 2.0 engine car

""I need Health insurance, is it possible to get it?

Im 20 yrs. old and i work and am a full-time student but don't seem to make enough for health insurance and i got knee issues. How could I RECEIVE GOV. ASSISTANCE ?.What would be my best plan??

Does anyone know where I can buy affordable motorcycle insurance online?

I prefer one that will provide same day proof of coverage. My hubby was stopped on Friday after work and we need this as soon as possible. Thanks!!

How to get into a new Car Insurance?

About 1.5 yrs back my wife scratched another car while parking. The claim was settled using insurance. The expense was about $1500. Ever since that the insurance company, AAA, has been increasing our premiums by abt $35 on every renewal. Now I cannot switch or shop with other insurance company since they give quotes much higher than this company. But apart from this one incident we do not have anything else on our record. Also I get discount for Home+Auto insurance. The company increased prices on our Home Insurance too. I am badly stuck with this company now. I would like to buy Auto+home from one company itself. But I really cannot move my Auto Insurance. Please give suggestions.""

I have a friend who say he knows a guy who works for a car insurance company and can guarantee cheaper quotes?

Does this sound normal for staff to be able to do this as I have had a similar offer from someone else a while ago. I am just worried that they may set up a policy but when I go to make a claim its not a real policy or something. Please note it is a significant discount as well and he can also get me quotes on cars I wouln't otherwise get insured on as a normal customer All sounds a bit to good to be true!

Can i get a ticket for no insurance?

Can i borrow my moms car. I have a valid drivers license and her car is insured under her name i'm not on the policy. Can i get a ticket for no insurance if im not on her policy?

Car Insurance for Teens?

What can we expect for a 16 year old to pay on a monthly base if he has his OWN insurance (as in not co-insured with the parents). This would be in Texas. I am pretty sure that there is a great difference. Just trying to familarize myself with the whole deal and trying to figure a ballpark amount. Any tips you might have are very much welcome. Thanks!!!

Is Health Insurance Innovation a good insurance company?

I'm scouting for a cheaper health insurance plan and so far Health Insurance Innovation offers a cheaper price. It's $50/month for pretty basic stuff and it's $2500 deductible.

Minor accident no insurance ?

I got in a minor accident I'm 17 my dad has insurance but I'm not under that insurance the cop showed up and just told me I had court there was no injuries what am I facing ? My car got chipped the other car was only paint scratches

Insurance in Queens?

I live in Queens, New York (I'm 27). I have a Toyota Camry 1997. I only have liability insurance but for some reason I pay ridiculous insurance - I pay around $330 a month (have ...show more""

e renters insurance quotes

e renters insurance quotes

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-payed-my-ticket-dont-go-traffic-school-how-much-up-austin-watkins/"

[readbookywooks]

‘All right, what did you see?’

‘Well, I’m not exactly-’

‘You don’t know, do you?’ snapped Sconner.

‘I saw someth-’

‘You don’t know!’ repeated Sconner, ‘You’re just seeing shadows, just trying to undermine my authority, isn’t that it?’ Sconner hesitated, and his eyes glazed momentarily. ‘I am calm,’ he intoned, ‘I am totally in control. I will not let ‘

‘It was-’

‘Listen, shortarse, you can just jolly well shut up, all right?’

One of the other wizards, who had been staring upwards to conceal his embarrassment, gave a strangled little cough.

‘Er, Sconner-’

‘And that goes for you too!’ Sconner pulled himself to his full, bristling height and flourished the matches.

‘As I was saying,’ he said, ‘I want you to light the matches and -I suppose I’ll have to show you how to light matches, for the benefit of shortarse there-and I’m not out of the window, you know. Good grief. Look at me. You take a match-’

He lit a match, the darkness blossomed into a ball of sulphurous white light, and the Librarian dropped on him like the descent of Man.

They all knew the Librarian, in the same definite but diffused way that people know walls and floors and all the other minor but necessary scenery on the stage of life. If they recall him at all, it was as a sort of gentle mobile sigh, sitting under his desk repairing books, or knuckling his way among the shelves in search of secret smokers. Any wizard unwise enough to hazard a clandestine rollup wouldn’t know anything about it until a soft leathery hand reached up and removed the offending homemade, but the Librarian never made a fuss, he just looked extremely hurt and sorrowful about the whole sad business and then ate it.

Whereas what was now attempting with considerable effort to unscrew Sconner’s head by the ears was a screaming nightmare with its lips curled back to reveal long yellow fangs.

The terrified wizards turned to run and found themselves bumping into bookshelves that had unaccountably blocked the aisles. The smallest wizard yelped and rolled under a table laden with atlases, and lay with his hands over his ears to block out the dreadful sounds as the remaining wizards tried to escape.

Eventually there was nothing but silence, but it was that particularly massive silence created by something moving very stealthily, as it might be, in search of something else. The smallest wizard ate the tip of his hat out of sheer terror.

The silent mover grabbed him by the leg and pulled him gently but firmly out into the open, where he gibbered a bit with his eyes shut and then, when ghastly teeth failed to meet in his throat, ventured a quick glance.

The Librarian picked him up by the scruff of his neck and dangled him reflectively a foot off the ground, just out of reach of a small and elderly wire-haired terrier who was trying to remember how to bite people’s ankles.

‘Er-! said the wizard, and was then thrown in an almost flat trajectory through the broken doorway, where his fall was broken by the floor.

After a while a shadow next to him said, ‘Well, that’s it, then. Anyone seen that daft bastard Sconner?’

And a shadow on the other side of him said, ‘I think my neck’s broken.’

‘Who’s that?’

‘That daft bastard,’ said the shadow, nastily.

‘Oh. Sorry, Sconner.’

Sconner stood up, his whole body now outlined in magical aura. He was trembling with rage as he raised his hands.

‘I’ll show that wretched throwback to respect his evolutionary superiors-’ he snarled.

‘Get him, lads!’

And Sconner was borne to the flagstones again under the weight of all five wizards.

‘Sorry, but-’

‘- you know that if you use-’

`- magic near the Library, with all the magic that’s in there-’

‘- get one thing wrong and it’s a critical Mass and then -’

‘BANG! Goodnight, world!’

Sconner growled. The wizards sitting on him decided that getting up was not the wisest thing they could do at this point.

Eventually he said, ‘Right. You’re right. Thank you. It was wrong of me to lose my temper like that. Clouded my judgement. Essential to be dispassionate. You’re absolutely right. Thank you. Get off.

They risked it. Sconner stood up.

‘That monkey,’ he said, ‘has eaten its last banana. Fetch-’

‘Er. Ape, Sconner,’ said the smallest wizard, unable to stop himself. ‘It’s an ape, you see. Not a monkey…’

He wilted under the stare.

‘Who cares? Ape, monkey, what’s the difference?’ said Sconner. ‘What’s the difference, Mr Zoologist?’

‘I don’t know, Sconner,’ said the wizard meekly. ‘I think it’s a class thing.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Yes, Sconner.’

‘You ghastly little man,’ said Sconner.

He turned and added, in a voice as level as a sawblade: ‘I am perfectly controlled. My mind is as cool as a bald mammoth. My intellect is absolutely in charge. Which one of you sat on my head? No, I must not get angry. I am not angry. I am thinking positively. My faculties are fully engaged - do any of you wish to argue?’

‘No, Sconner,’ they chorused.

‘Then get me a dozen barrels of oil and all the kindling you can find! That ape’s gonna fry!’

From high in the Library roof, home of owls and bats and other things, there was a clink of chain and the sound of glass being broken as respectfully as possible.

‘They don’t look very worried,’ said Nijel, slightly affronted.

‘How can I put this?’ said Rincewind. ‘When they come to write the list of Great Battle Cries of the World, “Erm, excuse me” won’t be one of them.’

He stepped to one side. ‘I’m not with him,’ he said earnestly to a grinning guard. ‘I just met him, somewhere. In a pit.’ He gave a little laugh. ‘This sort of thing happens to me all the time,’ he said.

The guards stared through him.

‘Erm,’ he said.

‘Okay,’ he said.

He sidled back to Nijel.

‘Are you any good with that sword?’

Without taking his eyes off the guards, Nijel fumbled in his pack and handed Rincewind the book.

‘I’ve read the whole of chapter three,’ he said. ‘It’s got illustrations.’

Rincewind turned over the crumpled pages. The book had been used so hard you could have shuffled it, but what was probably once the front cover showed a rather poor woodcut of a muscular man. He had arms like two bags full of footballs, and he was standing kneedeep in languorous women and slaughtered victims with a smug expression on his face.

About him was the legend: Inne Juste 7 Dayes I wille make You a Barbearian Hero! Below it, in a slightly smaller type, was the name: Cohen the Barbarean. Rincewind rather doubted it. He had met Cohen and, while he could read after a fashion, the old boy had never really mastered the pen and still signed his name with an ‘X’, which he usually spelled wrong. On the other hand, he gravitated rapidly to anything with money in it.

Rincewind looked again at the illustration, and then at Nijel.

‘Seven days?’

‘Well, I’m a slow reader.’

‘Ah,’ said Rincewind.

‘And I didn’t bother with chapter six, because I promised my mother I’d stick with just the looting and pillaging, until I find the right girl.’

‘And this book teaches you how to be a hero?’

‘Oh, yes. It’s very good.’ Nijel gave him a worried glance. ‘That’s all right, isn’t it? It cost a lot of money.’

‘Well, er. I suppose you’d better get on with it, then.’

Nijel squared his, for want of a better word, shoulders, and waved his sword again.

‘You four had better just jolly well watch out,’ he said, ‘or … hold on a moment.’ He took the book from Rincewind and riffled through the pages until he found what he was looking for, and continued, ‘Yes, or “the chill winds of fate will blow through your bleached skeletons,’ the legions of Hell will drown your living soul in acid”. There. How dyou like them … excuse me a moment … apples?’

There was a metallic chord as four men drew their swords in perfect harmony.

Nijel’s sword became a blur. It made a complicated figure eight in the air in front of him, spun over his arm, flicked from hand to hand behind his back, seemed to orbit his chest twice, and leapt like a salmon.

One or two of the harem ladies broke into spontaneous applause. Even the guards looked impressed.

‘That’s a Triple Orcthrust with Extra Flip,’ said Nijel proudly. ‘I broke a lot of mirrors learning that. Look, they’re stopping.’

‘They’ve never seen anything like it, I imagine,’ said Rincewind weakly, judging the distance to the doorway.

‘I should think not.’

‘Especially the last bit, where it stuck in the ceiling.’

Nijel looked upwards.

‘Funny,’ he said, ‘it always did that at home, too. I wonder what I’m doing wrong.’

‘Search me.’

‘Gosh, I’m sorry,’ said Nijel, as the guards seemed to realise that the entertainment was over and closed in for the kill.

‘Don’t blame youself-’ said Rincewind, as Nijel reached up and tried unsuccessfully to free the blade.

‘Thank you.’

‘- I’ll do it for you.’

Rincewind considered his next step. In fact, he considered several steps. But the door was too far away and anyway, by the sound of it, things were not a lot healthier out there.

There was only one thing for it. He’d have to try magic.

He raised his hand and two of the men fell over. He raised his other hand and the other two fell over.

Just as he was beginning to wonder about this, Conina stepped daintily over the prone bodies, idly rubbing the sides of her hands.

‘I thought you’d never turn up,’ she said. ‘Who’s your friend?’

As has already been indicated, the Luggage seldom shows any sign of emotion, or at least any emotion less extreme than blind rage and hatred, and therefore it is hard to gauge its feelings when it woke up, a few miles outside Al Khali, on its lid in a dried-up wadi with its legs in the air.

Even a few minutes after dawn the air was like the breath of a furnace. After a certain amount of rocking the Luggage managed to get most of its feet pointing the right way, and stood doing a complicated slow-motion jig to keep as few of them on the burning sand as possible.

It wasn’t lost. It always knew exactly where it was. It was always here.

It was just that everywhere else seemed to have been temporarily mislaid.

After some deliberation the Luggage turned and walked very slowly, into a boulder.

It backed away and sat down, rather puzzled. It felt as though it had been stuffed with hot feathers, and it was dimly aware of the benefits of shade and a nice cool drink.

After a few false starts it walked to the top of a nearby sand dune, which gave it an unrivalled view of hundreds of other dunes.